#I hate my job 🤡
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🙃🤡
#I hate my job 🤡#the most boring and useless job you could ever have 🤡#and some days no one calls and then other days i can't even use the toilet without coming back to missed calls 🤡#I'm stuck in some deep shit#my therapist and i also discussed that i should come up with a list of jobs i may want to do#and while i think that's ok but i don't know...#atm i'm bored and hate my job but i love my routine and that i don't have to stress about my tasks#and i get my salary each month and know i can pay my bills#i don't know but i don't think i'm ready right now...#I don't think i can make these kind of changes right now#I'm so occupied with all my personal and emotional shit right now and struggle daily with my anxiety#I don't think i can#Personal
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...🫥
#so i started at a new job this week and i hate hate HATE this initial phase where i don't know how everything works#and i have no clue what my groups have been doing with their previous teacher and aaarghhgfgh fuck this shit#and i hate having to ask people about stuff and i hate being told that i can just ask anyone for help but like#these people all have their own jobs and i don't want to expect them to be able to help me right that second#and having to ask about things makes me feel so STUPID ugh#i messaged my colleague (who's responsible for my orientation but she's not at the workplace today or tomorrow) about something#and yeah she tried to help me but she also told me i can ''always ask x colleague about things like this as well''#like yes i know but he was nowhere to be seeeeeeeeen but okay thanks for making me feel like a helpless idiot lol#(YES I KNOW she didn't mean to of course!! i'm just being dramatic for the lols)#and i HATE how she keeps talking about this one task i need to do with one of my groups before christmas like#''this is a challenging task btw so don't hesitate to ask for help'' like. okay cool thanks for already making me feel like i'm gonna fail#which again i know is not her intention but. have some faith in me perhaps instead of _expecting_ it to be beyond my skill set??#like of course i get that she only means to make it easier for me to ask for help by saying this#instead of being all ''ah but you've got this!'' which might make me feel like i shouldn't ask for help#but is it really necessary for you to literally tell me that it's going to be challenging because now i'm stressing out about it#more than i normally would 🤡 the brain works in mysterious ways...
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Found out today that almost everyone at work is talking shit about me lol
Y’all wanna know why? Cause they don’t fucking like my dad 💀
(Rant in tags)
#my dad has been working here longer than I have- like a year and almost 2 months and when he started working here there was shit tons of#favoritism and only the people they liked could do the ‘extra’ jobs that are way easier and more enjoyable and he wanted to change that caus#that shit isn’t fair y’know anyways shit got changed and they all don’t like him for it even though the regular employees were more happy#cause they now have a fair opportunity to do different jobs#but my favorite part is I don’t do shit wrong they just don’t like me because of my dad 🤡#like make that make sense 🤦🏻♀️ I’m always nice to people even the ones that are rude-I don’t really talk to people and keep to myself#so like how are they talking shit? probably about how I look and probably about how much I keep to myself#I fucking hate people sometimes istg#like fuck all this- I come to work to make money and go home… we’re not in high school where there’s a bunch of little clicks#there shouldn’t be a fucking mean girl group at work 🤦🏻♀️#anyways sorry for the rant#random0lover rambling ♡
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#job's been sucking life out life out of me and it's getting harder and harder to go there and do the amount#of work that you know you're getting very underpaid for but you have no choice at the moment too so. 🥴🥴🥴#i hate this job at this point i can not imagine how people work their whole life on one job they hate they are so strong in every way#meanwhile my mental health is crumbling each shift i take haah 🙃#it wasn't good to begin with but my anxiety now is just a whole new level#i NEED to record on my phone the moment i lock the entry doors at the end of my shift#and i try to memorize the sound of the key turning in the keyhole as if video record isn't enough#i feel like my ocd is resurfacing badly i thought i had it more or less under control before i took the job#how wrong i was 😭😭😭#i just want to snuggle in bed and not leave the house for at least a week or two just to revitalize my social battery and will to#interact with people irl 🤡#okay one good moment tho there was a girl so beautiful today 🥺 that i couldn't keep it to myself and said to her how beautiful she was 🙈#and she said i was too 😭 i legit felt so shy to look at her that pretty she was and she had a cool neck tattoo 😳🥺#moments like these help me get through the day 😭#tbd
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Hi hi! I love your art so much, it's really incredible how you animate them too and I always look forward to seeing it!! I was wondering what program do you use for your pixel art
Hii~ c: Thank you!!! <3333
I use Aseprite for desktop! It's a dedicated pixel art + animation program and I love everything about it. Tons of plug-ins and scripts for it on Itch and GitHub to cover extra features if you need more than what it comes with.
Used stinky Photoshop and my precious Paint Tool Sai (still use it for starting off larger pieces sometimes) when I was first learning, but if you're asking because you wanna try pixel art yourself then pretty much any art program will do. Anti-alias turned off + tiniest brush size possible!
#mo asky#i'm biased af#2k+ hours in aseprite#my beloved my one and only#would mention the app i use on mobile but i honestly hate it 🤡💔#but it does its job... i guess?
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just submitted the job application im really nervous abt 😭🙏
#idk why im even nervous im technically qualified#it just sounds intimidating#also i rlly hope they dont call my current employer bc...they dont know im leaving... el oh el#anyway aaaaaaa#job hunting is so stressful i literally thought i would be relieved to have it out there but no#🤡🤡🤡#anyway i should have done this earlier bc now im trying to go to bedtime mid panic attack lmao#goodnight everyone#this has been a shitpost#im sooo nervous but i hope i get it bc i hate my current job sm#and this is a nice office job so hopefully not so hard on my health as my current manual labor job lol
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Sometimes I genuinely wonder if I could in fact make art my job at some point
#i was always worried I'd hate the craft if i made it my job#but nothing keeps me as invested and in the flow as art#problem is that I'm not good enough 🤡#and i don't think i could afford to go to art school full time#and there are already hardly any art programs#let alone one i could do while working full time or close to full time
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i'm going fucking crazy. why do i get a little 🤏🏼 just a little bit stressed and suddenly be like "i'm going 100 on the highway at 10:30 am. also i'm booking five tattoos for the next two weeks. also i am enraged suddenly." and then even after the feeling of stress ebbs away i still feel like shit and have all those negative impulsive behaviors that serve the purpose of venting steam (steam that is no longer there)!!!!! why why why
#she bork#tbd#me thinking getting a job i don't actively hate would eradicate stress forever and make my mental illness go away 🤡 see this is why i'm like#80-90% positive i have bpd. high function or 'quiet' bpd for sure bc i'm still functional and high-achieving but idk when these lil episodes#hit i literally am just overwhelmed w despair that i will never be able to live fucking normally bc whatever job i currently have will#always eventually make me miserably stressed and whatever i accomplish will always eventually amount to nothing and whoever i meet no one#will ever really know or love the real me and it's like. where does that come from. it could be cptsd too but the impulsive and reckless#coping mechanisms i have (overspending + tats + recklessly driving + physically venting rage) make me lean towards bpd#and you know what else? so do my tendencies to have black and white thinking ('oh i frustrated you once? you hate me then and i should die')#and to get turned on and off by people (even the same person) very easily and often. like it happens even w people i'm close to like#sometimes suddenly i'll be like 'you're so annoying. i cannot continue to see you as a presence in my life. don't talk to me. don't exist#around me.' and then it goes away as suddenly as it arrived. lmfao all of that is so toxic and i'm LITERALLY AWARE OF IT EVEN AS IT HAPPENS.#so yes the emotional volatility and impulsivity make me think bpd. but also cptsd and bpd are often comorbid so honestly it's probably both!
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AAAGHH 💀🔫
#nectar's rambling#i hate everything bro 😭#gonna rant a bit-#i just got a so fucking amazing job offer after so many shit dude 🤡#but idk if i can accept bcs mf classes are already taking away my mental capacity 💀#and it also needs a lil' security fee but i'm a broke bitch so#gonna start screaming 😭#and the lady attending was so nice bro#i hate it here 😒#anyways#good night my babes <33#i will try and keep working on the other set of hcs as soon as i can#i promised to stop neglecting my sunshines#now i gotta keep my word 😤#and it probably will be a bit hotter than the last one 😌
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Three Hearts Left
Pairing: max verstappen x fem!gamer!reader
summary: fans (and friends) are shocked when they find max is married and to who
a/n: I’m only a casual gamer so take it with a grain of salt
a/n 2: sorry it’s a really late - the weather hates me personally (it is actually September and doesn’t need to be 85* 😡) and it drained my creativity also I got hella sick so 🤷🏻♀️
a/n 3: I know I use the name Twitter when talking about that site. I’ll stop deadnaming it when musk rat does too
a/n 4: still not feeling 100% but I wanted to get this out for max’s bday!!
catpawsgaming
Welcome to the CatTree with the paw prints 🐾 ! I’m just a cat 🐈 mom Lady™ who loves the gaming but not the camera 📷. I’ve been playing games all my life and have been streaming for 3 years — as a hobby, not a full time job. I love my 2 cats, my handsome man, and you 🫵 all my lovely fans. You most definitely make all this worthwhile so mwah mwah 💋💋 (video)
catpawsgaming
liked by user, user, user, and 6,583,455 others
catpawsgaming: here we go! Baldur’s Gate 3 has been highly highly requested — so I bought it! …yesterday and forgot about it cause curse of capitalism I still have my day job 😭 but away we go!
As always, if you didn’t manage to catch my livestream it’ll be on my page and I’ll be uploading it to my YouTube channel tomorrow! My YouTube will have the 3 usual versions (one unedited with my reactions, one with just the game play, and one with no sound at all but with closed captions)
Next stream date and game tbh announced but will probably be this Sunday with Animal Crossing (fingers crossed 🤞🤞 I finally get a good turnip price 😭😭 Daisy Mae hasn’t been kind to me lately…)
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user1: guuuurrrrrrrllll it’s about time you got bg3! We been waiting
↳ catpawsgaming: definitely worth the wait though! I had so much fun and it was so hard to stop for the night
↳ user2: for sure it was 🤣 your reactions to shadowheart and astarion were hilarious
↳ catpawsgaming: they clocked my type on point
user3: glad we convinced you to become a bard! You’ll rock it 💙
↳ catpawsgaming: ok but this the closest you will get me to actually performing so enjoy it while it lasts
↳ user3: not gonna sing along?
↳ catpawsgaming: 🤣🤣🤣 🫵 🤡
↳ catpawsgaming: absolutely not.
↳ catpawsgaming: also handsome just bust out laughing at the thought of me singing so…🙄🙄🙄 he’s lucky I love him
↳ handsome: I am very lucky liefje
↳ user3: ahhhh we were so close to her singing but also awwww cause handsome is here!!
handsome: liefje this was amazing
↳ catpawsgaming: thank you 🥰🥰
↳ catpawsgaming: but also you were laughing at me the entire night so…
↳ catpawsgaming: not sure how much I believe you
↳ handsome: well I didn’t say it was good…
↳ catpawsgaming: ���😒😔😢
↳ handsome: 🥰🥰🥰
user4: oh to have a man that will spend hours with you doing separate hobbies together…
↳ catpawsgaming: gotta admit it’s the dream
↳ handsome: you’re the dream liefje
↳ user4: ok there handsome, no need to get sappy here on MY comment thread
Private Messages
mv1updates
liked by user, user, user, and 2,833,736 others
mv1updates: Max was streaming today! Just a short one but highly entertaining. Jimmy (or Sassy? I’m honestly baffled and for the life of me can’t tell them apart 😢) caused a small disturbance in the middle of his stream then slept the rest away in Max’s lap 😍
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user5: that was sooooo adorable!! Love seeing more cat dad Max
↳ user6: same! And don’t feel bad admin - I can’t tell them apart either
user7: to be Jimmy…🥵
↳ user8: right? What I wouldn’t give to be sleeping away in his lap…
↳ user9: blessed be. His damn thighs man 😳
user10: ok but am I the only one that heard a female voice in the background?
↳ user11: I THOUGHT I WAS GOING INSANE?? Like there was definitely someone there
↳ user12: wait when?
↳ user10: when max turned the camera to show jimmy on top
Private Messages
catpawsgaming
liked by user, user, user, and 5,822,944 others
catpawsgaming: and Daisy Mae delivered this week! Sunday I got a price of 90 and today!! Selling price of turnips is 658 this evening!! Woohoo!
I've got my usual set up going to allow visitors to sell and I’ll be playing for about 4 or 5 hours so let’s make some cash today! I just ask you be respectful of my island.
As always, if you didn’t manage to catch my livestream it’ll be on my page and I’ll be uploading it to my YouTube channel tomorrow! My YouTube will have the 3 usual versions (one unedited with my reactions, one with just the game play, and one with no sound at all but with closed captions)
My week is looking pretty busy (a lot of traveling happening) so my next stream will probably be sometime next week and I’ll be playing Horizon: Zero Dawn! Its sequel will be coming out soon and I want to replay the first to refamiliarize myself with the game!
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user13: yeessssss! I’ve been holding out that someone would have some fantastic selling prices this week! New house upgrade here I come!
↳ user14: oh don’t I know it! It’s been a downward slump all week for me — the high was 105 😭😭
↳ user13: ouch 🤕
user15: did anyone else hear the cat meowing in the background!
↳ user16: yes! Catpaws has got a couple of cats — they’re almost never on stream (they don’t like staying in one place for long) but catpaws got them right before they started streaming!
↳ catpawsgaming: 2 of them! They’re my babies! 🐈🐈
↳ user15: awwwww 😍😍
user17: can I say something? Is this a safe place?
↳ user18: it is not but say it anyway
↳ user17: it totally looks like she’s got a wedding ring on in the beginning of this stream
↳ user18: nurse! She’s out again
↳ user19: no no no let her cook. I totally thought the same. It was literally just a glimpse but I swear that she had a ring on
↳ user17: thank you! I knew I wasn’t crazy
↳ user19: but! That does mean our catpaws is married!!!!!
↳ user17: 😱
↳ user18: 😱
↳ user19: 😱
↳ catpawsgaming: 😉
↳ handsome: 💙
↳ user17: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?
catpawsupdates
liked by user, user, user, and 3,126,918 others
catpawsupdates: we’ve had a couple of requests lately asking about catpawsgaming and her cats! These are the first and last photo we’ve gotten — she’s incredibly secretive about them so we don’t know if this is the same cat in both photos or if she has 2 bengals (peep also handsome in the first photo. Catpaws was laughing when she posted that photo cause she’s usually the passenger princess)
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user20: I LOVE THEM
↳ user21: same! Insert that meme. “I’ve only had them for a day but if anything happened to them I kill everyone else then myself”
↳ user22: extreme but agreeable.
user23: that’s sassy - I’d bet money on it
↳ user24: sassy? What? Who?
↳ user23: sassy verstappen! F1 world champion max verstappen’s cat
↳ user24: ummm? This is a page for a small time gamer catpawsgaming
↳ user23: listen. Torture couldn’t get me to admit how long I’ve spent staring at pictures and videos of jimmy and sassy. But that is absolutely sassy!
↳ user17: I’m connecting the dots as I type
↳ user18: you’re not connecting shit
↳ user17: CONNECTING THE DOTS AS I TYPE
Private Messages
Twitter
Private Messages
catpawsgaming
liked by user, user, user, and 3,712,222 others
catpawsgaming: tonight’s stream is gonna be a little late — I’m currently being held hostage by the cutest kidnapper ever
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user24: awwww
user25: your right. You simply can’t move!
↳ catpawsgaming: completely pinned down!
↳ user25: I don’t think anyone is gonna have a problem with your steam being late tonight
↳ user26: I’ve spoken to the council and we don’t! In fact we all vote for a stream of literally just the cat
↳ catpawsgaming:…you know that is an idea
↳ user26: omg. OMG. OH MY GOD!!
user23: THATS JIMMY!! I SWEAR ON MY LIFE
↳ user27: ok grandma. Let’s get you back to bed
handsome: so that’s where the little troublemaker is
↳ user28: omg hi handsome! Where’ve you been?
↳ catpawsgaming: ok I love all my fans but plz stop flirting with my man
↳ user28: can I flirt with you instead?
↳ catpawsgaming: 😳
↳ handsome: no
Private Messages
Twitter
user29: ITS MAX VERSTAPPEN AND CATPAWSGAMING!!!! I TOLD YOU ALL
↳ user30: ok but are we really gonna take a gossip page as the truth?
user31: OH MY GOD THAT CRAZY FAN WAS RIGHT?!?
↳ catpawsgamingfan: I TOLD YOU. I TOLD YOOOOUUUUU
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maxverstappen1
liked by danielricciardo, charles_leclerc, landonorris, and 8,345,765 others
tagged: yourusername
maxverstappen1: liefje I know this is not how we wanted to share our love with the world but a light in the darkness is now I get to talk about how much I love you and how you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. These past 5 years have been a dream come true — and it’s been a dream I never knew I had. Seeing you that first time, you took my breath away. Forget the trophies and the victories, the world championships and titles I’ve won — becoming your husband has topped every single one of them. I can’t imagine my life without you anymore and I wouldn’t ever want to
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yourusername: oh my handsome man…you are the light of my life, the moon in my night, the stars in the sky, the best husband ever and the most loving cat dad I could have ever wanted to spend my life with. Thank you thank you thank you for picking me and staying with me and fighting for me and with me 💋💋
#f1 smau#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 instagram au#f1 x you#f1#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 instagram au#max verstappen imagine#max verstappen#max verstappen fanfic#max verstappen instagram au#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen x you#max verstappen smau#formula 1 smau#formula 1 social media au#formula 1 x y/n#formula 1 x you#formula 1 x reader#formula 1#formula one#form#fem!reader#max verstappen x female reader
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waking up at 4:30 everyday is going to kill me
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stupid stupid stupid stupid I am so fucking stupid
(LONG rant in the tags. originally a little longer still but apparently there were too many tags so tumblr deleted the rest lol)
#ahahahaha so i applied for a (fixed-period) job that was like. right up my alley?#and i was one of the two applicants and they invited me to a Teams interview which was supposed to be last monday#but when i heard the other applicant is someone who's been working for them for the past semester i was like 🤡#hmmmm i do wonder which one of us they'll hire!! 🙂#and i was crushed because why can't things go my way for once#being a job-seeker in this area on my field is so stressful and depressing if you don't have the right connections#so i cancelled the interview with an email on the morning of the interview#because i just couldn't motivate myself to go even for practice. i just couldn't#i did consider calling the place and asking if the sitauation was like i suspected#but i didn't because i am not a fully functional adult ✌️🤷♀️#well. today i noticed that they have opened the position again 🤡#which means that for one reason or another they're not going to hire the person who's been doing that exact job for them before?#and now i'm crying because lmao what kind of impression i'll be giving of myself#if i call them now and tell them why i cancelled the interview?#''yeah so i stood you up because i'm a hardened pessimist and thought i had no chance pls hire me lol''#who's gonna want to hire a loser like this 🙃 a loser who couldn't even bother calling them like a normal adult would've#and also what if my employment agency finds out i didn't go to the interview? they could cancel my allowance ahahahahahAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAA#god i hate being unemployed and i hate job seeking so much it hurts#my self-confidence is nowhere near it should be if you were actually to do well in job interviews etc.#''why do you think you'd be good for this job?'' I'M NOT! YOU'LL BE DEFINITELY BETTER OFF HIRING ANYONE ELSE!!#and some people's advice for job interviews be like ''just be yourself!'' like honey no#if i'm myself at a job interview absolutely no one's gonna want me ahaha#job-seeking is just so fucking crushing and humiliating#like. when you're studying and you have an exam? you can study for it as hard as you can and try to do your best#and you'll get the grade you deserve. if someone gets the highest grade it doesn't effect YOUR chance to get the highest grade as well#but when applying for a job? you can write a splendid application text and answer the interview questions as best as you can#but if there's another applicant that's significantly more qualified or experienced than you they WILL be hired over you#so you can try your best and IT'S STILL NOT ENOUGH#and that's why i didn't go to the job interview. because i wanted to protect myself from that heartbreak again#doing the best i can and still not getting the job
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Love guilty gear strivd themes
“Im literally neurodivergent and immortal”
“Survivors guilt :(“
“Society -🤡 <- silly clown”
“BROTHER I HATE MY FUCKING JOB 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🇺🇸🦅🇺🇸🦅🇺🇸”
And of course
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It Happened in Texas
Aaron Hotchner x Fem Reader ❤︎
Chapter 3: You’re not trying to get fired - it’s just raw talent
series masterlist
A/N: The case in this chapter is based on s4e2 where Hotch ignores the doctors orders and goes straight to work after tearing his eardrum 🤡
tags: minor grovelling, slow burn. Hotch needs a hug. Some canon typical violence and a few uses of y/n. Sorry for any typos.
Word count: 2.8k
Enjoy! 🤍
❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎
You are so fired.
Strauss is getting impatient with your fruitless reports. Hotch and you are not on great terms. In fact, since Jack’s party, he’s been avoiding you like the plague. He isn’t ignoring you or glaring at you anymore, but for some reason, he now never pairs himself up with you and keeps his emails to you even shorter than before. He also refuses to talk to you when Jack comes to visit and spends all his time at your desk. It had taken you months and a 5 year old to give you the courage to make any friends on the team. So why are you standing here, scolding your boss? You must have an innate talent for getting fired.
“Hotch. If you think that never hearing Jack say I love you again, or never hearing him laugh again is worth getting back in the field straight away, I’ll think you’re insane, but I’ll never bring it up again. However, I don’t think you’re willing to tell your son his dad can’t hear him anymore because he wasn’t taking care of himself”.
You take a deep breath, and add for good measure,
“Sir”.
Hotch stares at you. You are not a confrontational person (at least with your colleagues). And right now you were so out of line. While everyone else might have warmed up to you, you and Hotch aren’t exactly friends. But you had gotten to know Jack, who had been the catalyst to you becoming friends with the team. He’s probably the only reason that you don’t hate your job now. You love that kid. And after seeing Hotch clutch his ears at the graveyard and overhearing him ignore Morgan when asked if he was cleared to fly, you felt you needed to say something. Clearly no one else was going to.
But why wasn’t Hotch saying anything? You shuffle your feet and try not to think about your face heating up from embarrassment. Where was the person from 30 seconds ago who was basically scolding her boss? Your resolve had completely evaporated. And now you were nervous. Which was a very bad thing to be in front of a profiler.
“I know that you’re my boss and we aren’t exactly friends, but I’m saying this as a…”, what were you exactly? An overeager people pleaser who had just gotten the team to get used to working with you. And an idiot who is currently screwing up her chances of staying employed at the one job you had left. “As a person who respects you a lot”, you decide on. This is definitely true. He was a good person, even if he clearly didn’t like you. He might be avoiding you, but he’s still polite. And if he didn’t say something soon, you were going to say something stupid.
“You’re also the best boss I’ve ever had, so if you permanently lose your hearing and have to be taken out of the field, that would suck for me too”, you laugh nervously.
Damn it, you were already in saying stupid things territory. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Oh god, what if your rant was hurting his ears? You start whispering.
“Are you okay? Am I being too loud? I’m sorry, I’m just going to shut up”, you say softly. He’s still staring.
“I should go now”, you mumble and promptly run away, immediately making your way to the precinct bathroom and locking yourself in a stall. Why did you say anything? The rest of the team had just left him alone, but you were never a fan of turning a blind eye to people’s problems. It just didn’t seem right. Despite the fact that the other team members are clearly each other’s family, you are technically just a coworker. So you’ve definitely overstepped, but it just didn’t seem right to let it happen. To Jack. Not Hotch. Though technically you did care about Hotch too. As a friend. Probably.
“Hey, you okay in there?”
You startle from your thoughts and see Emily’s shoes from under the stall. You quickly shake yourself together and flush the toilet you clearly haven’t used before coming out.
“Yeah? Am I not allowed to pee?”, you laugh, washing your hands. Emily frowns, but knows better than to press. She might have seen you run out of a precinct conference room you’d been alone with Hotch in, but you’re not going to tell her why and she doesn’t overstep boundaries. She pretends to believe you and moves the conversation to the case. The team has figured out who the unsub is and are about to raid her house. You both leave the bathroom and move towards the SUVs with everyone else. Everyone except Hotch.
“We gotta go. Where the hell’s Hotch?”, Derek asks.
“He was on the phone with Strauss, said he wanted us to go without him”, Rossi says, walking to the passenger seat. “Let’s go”.
Derek shrugs his shoulders and everyone piles into the cars. You feel your stomach drop. Technically you did just tell your superior off. Was he going to report you for insubordination? Maybe he had had enough and was finally telling Strauss to transfer you. He hadn’t wanted you on the team in the first place. If you get fired from the BAU you’ll probably have to leave the FBI. You shake your head. Whatever happens, the case comes first. You need to stop the unsub before she hurts anyone else.
You try to forget about your earlier conversation with Hotch and focus on the case. The unsub’s apartment is empty, but Rossi finds her next target, Faye Landreaux, in her journal. You all drive to her house and Emily distracts the unsub while Morgan sneaks Faye outside. She’s trembling like a leaf and doesn’t respond when you ask if she’s okay, so you guide her to a paramedic to make sure she hasn’t gotten any injuries. Technically your priority right now should be the unsub, but the entire police department and 4 FBI agents have a gun pointed at her and Faye is completely alone. You don’t feel right leaving her yet, so once she’s been looked at, you try to talk to her when you hear a gunshot from behind you. Faye cries out and you let her know she’s okay. The sheriff has shot the unsub. It’s over. A police officer the victim knows starts talking to her so you move back to the team. Emily pulls back the unsub’s shirt to reveal that she had maimed herself to become the “Angel Maker’s” last victim. You fail to not feel nauseous.
It’s late, so you’re all staying the night in Ohio. On the drive, everyone’s talking about how early they have to get up tomorrow. You look out the window and can’t stop thinking about love and what it does to people. What it did to Chloe Kelcher. To all of the “Angel Maker’s” fans. Female unsubs that hurt other women always bothers you more than other cases. Emily notices your silence.
“You okay?”, she asks quietly.
“Just tired”, you smile. If she notices it doesn’t reach your eyes, she doesn’t mention it. She nudges her knee against yours - an ‘I’m here if you need me’ without words.
You nudge her back - ‘thanks. I know’. She smiles. You really are tired though - it’s 2am because the unsub liked attacking at night - and you stifle a yawn. You’re about to fall asleep when the car abruptly stops, signalling your arrival.
It’s a cute inn, the owner offered you all free rooms for the night as a thanks for capturing the unsub. Everyone piles out, eager to go to bed. You’re suddenly awake though when you see who’s in the lobby handing out keys - Hotch. He’s looking straight at you. Everyone grabs their keys and turns in for the night. If anyone notices you and Hotch lag behind, they don’t say. He gestures to a corner with some armchairs.
“Can we talk for a minute?”
You nod, slowly taking a seat. You’re too afraid to speak and keep your eyes on the ground. Was he going to fire you now? In some inn in rural Ohio?
“Thank you.”
What?
You snap your head up to meet his gaze.
“I called Strauss earlier to let her know I’m taking 2 weeks off from the field. You were right earlier. What I’m doing isn’t fair to the team or to Jack. I want to apologise for putting you in a position where you felt you needed to tell your boss that he was being stupid. That shouldn’t have to be your responsibility.”
He looks straight into your eyes and you can see the sincerity flooded in his.
“I’ll be taking a car back to Quantico. I shouldn’t have gotten on a plane at all in my condition. You don’t have to worry about me.” He takes a breath. “And I appreciate you telling me what I needed to hear. Even if you shouldn’t have had to”, he adds.
You don’t know what to say, so you say the first thing that pops into your brain.
“I’m not fired?”
Aaron looks incredibly guilty.
“You thought I was going to fire you?”
You nod, still unable to form coherent thoughts in your relief.
“No you are definitely not fired. I’m sorry for making you feel like your job was on the line”, he says and feels even guiltier at the obvious release of tension in your shoulders. “If anything I should be fired for endangering you all with my inability to make sound decisions”, he sighs. “When you’re the boss, people become too afraid to tell you that you’re wrong. And sometimes I forget that I can be”.
You try to find the right words. “I don’t think being worried about people getting hurt when you’re not working is wrong”, you say. “But I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself. And thank you for apologising.”
Aaron nods at this, searching your eyes for something. He seems to be pleased with what he finds and stands up. You follow suit, and the both of you start to walk towards your rooms. You lapse into silence as you walk up the stairs until Hotch clears his throat.
“Well, when someone tells you that they respect you but you’re being insane, you rethink your priorities a little”, he chuckles, trying to break the ice.
You feel your entire face grow warm - you had forgotten that you had called him that.
“Sorry”, you mumble.
He stops abruptly and you turn to look at him.
“Please don’t ever apologise for what you said to me today.”
His gaze bores into you as if to try to make you understand. No wonder he has the most confessions from unsubs in interrogations. His stare is a little lethal. Your knees feel a little weak.
“Sorry for saying sorry?”, you manage.
He raises a brow at you.
“Ok. Then I’m not sorry?”, you offer. He smiles at this.
“Good. Because I’m very grateful it happened.”
You beam.
“I’m glad you think so.”
“I do.”
You reach your room first. You move to unlock your door and he waits to make sure you get inside safety. Your hand stills on the doorknob and you turn around.
“I hope you know that it’s still true.”
He looks confused.
“I still respect you. And now I respect you for being able to step back. And for apologising. Maybe it doesn’t mean a lot coming from me, but I think you’re a great boss and a great dad. Jack is very lucky.” You meet his eyes so he knows you mean it. “You’re a good person, Hotch.”
A lump forms in Aaron’s throat. He doesn’t know how to tell you how much your words mean to him. He wishes, not for the first time in his life, that he was better at communicating his feelings. He shakes his head.
“It does mean a lot. I respect you too, Y/N.”He pauses, as if trying to find the perfect words. “You’re always looking at the good in people. Jack loves you. And you’re kind, not just with the team. When we catch unsubs you always make sure to take care of victims.”
Your eyes widen. You hadn’t known that he’d noticed.
“You’re smart, loyal, empathetic. I know that these last few months have been… unpleasant for you. And I’m sorry for my part in that. But I’m proud to have you on our team. I know that this morning you were just doing what was right, and earlier you said we aren’t friends, but you were the friend I needed today. So thank you.”
You blink, trying not to well up at his words. You don’t know if anyone’s ever said something like that to you. Afraid you might cry if you speak, you give him a hug. It’s quick, nothing intimate, but it feels righter than words in this moment. You take a step back.
“So we’re friends?”, you ask, opening the door to your room. He looks at you thoughtfully.
“I’d like to think so”, he smiles softly. You give him a smile back.
“Good night, Hotch.”
“Good night, Y/N.”
You sleep well that night for the first time in a while.
——
The next morning, you’re quiet as Hotch tells everyone he’s driving back to Quantico instead of taking the jet. You offer to take the drive with him, which surprises yourself just as much as the team. While you had gotten closer with the rest of the team in the last month, you and Hotch aren’t really close enough for you to voluntarily spend 7 hours in a car together. You’re not exactly sure why you offered either.
You’re too busy trying to get everyone on board that you all miss Rossi’s barely hidden glee at this unexpected development in your relationship.
“It’ll be fun!”, you say excitedly.
“I love you, but 7 hours is crazy baby girl”
“Long car trips make me nauseous. In fact there’s a correlation between-”
“Yeah no, the baby makes me carsick.”
“The thought of being trapped in a car for 7 hours makes me sick”
You’re a little sad because a group road trip would be fun, and it would help to have a buffer between you and Hotch, but it is unfair to force everyone into something they’re uncomfortable with, so you give everyone a hug goodbye before sliding into the passenger seat beside Hotch. You can almost feel him overthinking.
“You don’t have to do this”, he says.
“I know. I want to”, you tell him. Surprisingly, this is true.
He stares at you.
“It’s 7 hours”
“It’ll be longer if you keep arguing with me”, you shrug.
He stares at you some more.
“I’m not leaving you to do this alone. Plus 7 hours isn’t that long if you’re with a friend”
He smiles at this.
“A friend?”
“Unless you’re taking back what you said last night?”, you ask tentatively. Had he just been reacting to what you said to him? What if-
“No. I meant everything I said”, he says firmly, looking directly at you to make sure you know he’s serious. His gaze that felt intimidating last night, now somehow makes you feel calm. But it might take a while before you can maintain eye contact with him. You turn to face the road.
“Good. Now drive, or I’ll call Reid and ask him to explain the statistics of car crashes in Ohio”, you tease. His eyes crinkle in amusement.
“Driving right now”.
You grin and start looking at your CD options.
“If I’m your friend does this mean I get to choose where we eat lunch?”, he asks.
You roll your eyes.
“You didn’t let me drive so I’m picking lunch.”
“Yes ma’am”.
Bonus scene:
“They’re driving here together from Ohio? Doesn’t Hotch hate her?”, Penelope asks through the screen.
“I don’t think he hates her. Don’t you remember what it was like when I first joined?”, Emily asks the team.
“We never hated you! Except maybe Spencer. But that was a whole other thing. I just don’t get why he still doesn’t like her. She’s so sweet”, Penelope pouts.
“He didn’t tell her no, so that’s an improvement”, Derek reasons.
“I didn’t hate Emily!”, Spencer scoffs.
Emily raises an eyebrow at him which causes him to sputter.
“Well ok I wasn’t very nice to you at first. But it wasn’t because I hated you”, he tries to explain. Emily mouths a quick “I know” to let him know she’s joking.
“I don’t think Hotch has ever hated Y/N”, Rossi chuckles. “He just needs time.”
Everyone nods. They all relied on him now, but Hotch was famous for being cold at first. Rossi grins at everyone missing his point. Being the only profiler on the team with relationship experience made for excellent entertainment. They’ll get it at some point, he thinks, sipping his drink.
(to be continued)
Main Masterlist
#criminal minds#bau team#aaron hotchner#aaron hotch x reader#aaron hotchner x reader#criminal minds x reader
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book 7 part 5 thoughts!!
***THIS POST CONTAINS MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR BOOK 7 PART 5 OF THE MAIN STORY!!***
If you’d like to watch a rough part-by-part summarized translation, please check out this archived stream!
Please note: this is NOT meant to be a summary or a translation; these are only my initial thoughts on the events that unfold. There may be details overlooked or misunderstood in this post, so PLEASE do not use this as a translation.
Starting off strong with some lore on magic! Teleportation magic involves breaking oneself down and reconstructing elsewhere. If the distance from point A to point B is too large and/or the caster is in poor health, the magic may fail or be difficult to perform.
Hmmm... Lilia is reacting very emotionally to the situation, but it is Baul that is (mostly) rational and reminding Lilia to keep calm. I'd anticipate it being the other way around, so that's quite interesting.
HUH... Even Sebek is staying calmer here than Lilia is; Sebek recalls training with Lilia and how they were taught that they have to stay calm to think and plan effectively in tough situations. Ironic that the old Lilia was the type to go against the advice he would later give and instill in his pupils. Again, it goes to show how much he has changed since then.
AH, BAUL'S BEING A TSUNDERE AGAIN 🤡 He's telling the kids to stay behind because the situation has changed... "Don't foolishly discard the life Lilia-sama protected", "humans shouldn't be fighting alongside fae anyway", etc. (And, of course, Silver's the one to step up and tell him fae or human, it doesn't matter and he still owes Lilia his life all the time.) NOW'S NOT THE TIME TO TALK, GUYS... MALLEMOM'S GONNA BE GAME ENDED
Weird sounds downstairs? SILBEK KICK DOWN THE DOOR and we find some chefs in hiding. adhbasvfvuvfqeilfe;o THEY MISTAKE SILVER FOR THE DAWN KNIGHT... More sussy behavior implying the Dawn Knight must be his ancestor.
They ask for brooms to transport the injured faster. Silver's negotiation skills come in clutch again, he convinces the chefs to direct them to the brooms even though it would be helping the fae, the humans' enemies.
Not Sebek's stomach growling now of all times... NOT SEBEK DENYING IT SO MUCH (it's okay, they get pity and some food from the chefs!)
Found a room full of birds; they seem to be for transporting messages. Silver feeds them some of the bread they got from the chefs. Wow, Sebek's actually being sneaky/clever (?). He tells Silver he's loved by animals, so time to use that now so they can use the birds.
AKHBBGSKUVYEQFBI NOT GRIM WANTING TO EAT THE BIRDS
Bleh, we have another time-gated, character-limited map segment. Silver and Sebek take up 2 of the 5 slots. Again, the cards' health does not regenerate unless you land on a special square. Luckily for us, there is only a single path forward rather than a larger, sprawling map.
NO KIDDING, THE BIRDS HELP THEM FIGHT THE SILVER OWLS... Literally they're swooping in and tugging on the knights' cape and stuff... the squirrels nibbled away at their catapults' rope too... chucking rocks at them... THE BIRDS POOPED ON THEIR ARMOR TOO???????? Imagine training your whole life to put your life on the line for your home country, only to be literally shat on and defeated by woodland creatures...
Lilia: I hate children. Also Lilia: *rushes into battle to protect the children and gives them head pats for a job well done and asks them to be safe*
Silver continues to be a Disney princess!! They find some horses tied up and he's like "let's free them". Sebek drops some club lore; Silver is one of the better students in Equestrian Club when it comes to soothing the horses. True Horse Girl at heart, huh??
Silver and Sebek are surprised that what they learned in school is actually helping the in a "real world" sense. Man, I wish that was true of irl high school education too...
The Silver Owls recruited mercenaries from other countries to help them seize Briar Country's resources??? The others pitch in because they live in fear of a dragon attacking them.
They're going to teleport into the castle, but they can't teleport out since they can't guarantee the safety of Tamago-sama... They're going to use the underground waterways to escape!
There's a mountain range that protects another castle of the royal family, Black Scale Castle. Malleus's mom is currently in an unprotected castle, Wild Rose.
Wow, what a peaceful vista straight out of Sleeping Beauty. I sure hope it doesn't become tainted by blood being spilt and bodies dropping or anything craaazy like that/j
DAWN KNIGHT INCOMING???? Silver's ring starts??? Going off??? When he sees the Dawn Knight...
Heinrich reveal too! He seems like just as much of a scumbag as all the rumors say he is (he wants a dragon to ride, tells the Dawn Knight he's only good for his swordsmenship, etc). BRO JUST STRAIGHT UP SAYS HE WANTS TO TAKE MALLEMOM'S EGG AND RAISE IT TO BE HIS STEED... 💀 WTF THAT'S SO DARK
This asshole reminds me of Jack Horner from Puss in Boots 2: The Last Wish, who is another irredeemably evil man with a small face and a generally grotesque design.
Heinrich is after the castle and some very powerful magestone called "Princess's Glow"? Not sure, did not hear the second word well.
He's giving them 30 minutes to send the princess out for a one-on-one duel with the Dawn Knight. If she wins, they'll retreat (I DON'T BELIEVE THAT FOR ONE SECOND).
NOT THE CASUAL FAE RACISM... Heinrich calls Mallemom a "witch". If you'll remember!! In book 6, Lilia says that mages were once called witches, but implied that those terms are now outdated and considered derogatory.
The Dawn Knight is like Silver! He tries to tell Heinrich this isn't right, but Heinrich tells him that since his father took the Dawn Knight in as an orphan, the Dawn knight "owes" them. It's a twisted parallel to Silver and Lilia's relationship (because Silver says he feels like he "owes" Lilia and has to repay him).
Okay, so to review the family tree??? The king of the human faction is sick and they want the Princess's Glow to heal him. The king is the dad of Heinrich and Leah; the king would also later take in the Dawn Knight. Leah and the Dawn Knight are in love.
Malleus's mom's official name is "Meleanor" (a location name is written in English with this)i. The castle's halls really resemble those in Diasomnia dorm (I think it's a reused asset). (Now that I think about it??? Didn't they also reuse the VDC backstage background for the eastern fortress?)
SHE'S SINGING???????? A lullaby for her baby, it seems. Bruh... Malleus sang like a line from this lullaby before he game-ended everyone with his UM... HE REMEMBERED HER SONG FROM INSIDE THE EGG SHELL??????????
MALLEMOM REVEAL AW YEAH (she starts zapping Lilia with lightning lol; she's mad at Lilia for showing up late to defend her and her egg) SHE'S THE HOT GOTH GF
OMG EGG REVEAL TOO... UNBORN MALLEUS... (The egg looks like it has blot running down it too, which is insane)
ADBLIsfiablfa IT'S SO WEIRD SEEING HER SIMP ON MAIN, she says he knows her unborn child will grow up to be a beautiful man just like her husband... (Sebek is practically sobbing from happiness that he gets to witness Meleanor name Malleus.)
The ear shape is really coming back to bite them; Mallemom noticed them and now her anger is turning to our group. She forces us to kneel with magic... Jafar energy fr
"Princess Glow" is the green orb in Mallemom's staff!
Lilia tells some embarrassing stories of the princess's tomboyish youth; "And though you always scolded me, you never failed to join me in my mischief" -- Mallemom to Lilia
She agrees to duel the Dawn Knight while the others escape with her child... Now Mallemom and Lilia are fighting because Lilia refuses to follow through with her order.
NOOOOOOO SILVER JUMPED IN TO PROTECT LILIA FROM MALLEMOM'S LIGHTNING 😭 EVEN THOUGH HE KNOWS IT'S A DREAM, HE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE HIS DAD HURT
Lilia trauma time :)) "I can't lose both you (Meleanor) and Raverne (Malleus's dad)".
IT'S LIKE WE THEORIZED, LADS. Mallemom says that if anything happens to her, then it's up to Lilia to help Malleus hatch with the POWER OF TRUE LOVE... BUT LILIA THINKS HE CAN'T HATCH IT BECAUSE HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND A PARENT'S LOVE
OH MY GOOOOOOD THE PIPING HOT TEA, MELEANOR SAID LILIA PROPOSED TO HER WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG... OVER 200 YEARS AGO
sdhbfbiyoaifofi Mallemom says that Lilia "also loves Raverne" and that those two spent more time together than a "married couple". You could interpret this as Lilia being bisexual or just as them being really good friends, as Meleanor never specifies if Lilia “loves” Raverne romantically.
Suddenly, Lilia's special card name makes sense! Lilia is the "Right General", and Raverne is the "Left General".
The weather shifted according to Meleanor's anger. Like mother, like son... This woman also quotes Maleficent so much...
OOOOH we get to watch a battle between Mallemom (dragon form) vs the Dawn Knight. Mallemom uses all null/cosmic magic, just like Dorm Uniform Malleus. The Dawn Knight uses light type null/cosmic magic just like Silver does too!
Dawn Knight face reveal?! He's basically Silver copy-pasted but long blonde hair. Dude's really out here looking like a Sonic OC recolor/j
The Dawn Knight also has a crown-like ring on a chain. It's an item that was given to him by guardian fairies when he was young; there is no other like it.
YASASHII... The Dawn Knight notices our group has the egg and tells them to run. He doesn't want Heinrich to get his hands on it either... Crowley, takes notes 😭
UHHHHH SILVER'S CRYING AND SHOUTING... I think he realized that he's descended from the Dawn Knight, serving on the faction that's brought so much harm to his loved ones and home country. "Am I family to the enemy?!" His denseness is truly to his detriment here.
Uh-oh, Silver's being pulled into the "darkness" of the dream, thinking it would be better to just stay here than face reality... He's losing hope, DOING THE THING HE FORESHADOWED LAST UPDATE... IF HE EVER FALLS INTO THE DARKNESS, THEN PLEASE PULL HIM OUT... (Another map segment with Silver required; you have to find your way around in the dark.)
NOOOOO NOT SILVER SEEING HIMSELF AS THE DAWN KNIGHT THAT HIS DAD'S STRIKING DOWN IN VENGENCE OTL WHAT IS THIS, IT'S SO SICK AND TWISTED
400 years after conflict, the peace treaty was signed between fae and humans. Wild Rose Castle is now left in ruins; the rumors say it is haunted. The diurnal fae casted a spell on Wild Rose to keep humans away.
HUH???? LILIA FOUND BABY SILVER IN THE ABANDONED WILD ROSE CASTLE?????
Uhhh so apparently after the war we saw, another conflict broke out for territory and the Silver Owls got their asses handed to them.
LILIA UNIQUE MAGIC REVEAL... HE CAN READ THE MEMORIES OF THINGS HE TOUCHES????? (Reminds me of "Dimensional Scream" from Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of TIme/Darkness/Sky!) "Far Cry Cradle" is the name! We also get the chant: "As if it were a day. Everywhere I go, it will be in a blink of an eye."
BABY SILVER?????
Silver was magically put to sleep for hundreds of years by some small (guardian) fairies?!?!?!?!?!?!? Because conflicts were still going on and his parents wished for him to live in a world free of war. When Silver meets someone who "loves" him, he will wake up from his magic-induced slumber. NOW THE BABY IS AWAKE AND CRYING
... Wait. Doesn't that mean. Silver is technically older than Malleus... since Malleus is only 178 years old and Silver's been sleeping for like 400 years????? OTL SILVER OLD MAN ERA??????
NOT (PAST) LILIA BEING TSUNDERE, he says he thinks the guardian fairies' magic is fading with time... he doesn't even consider that he'd ever love the baby...
"I'm not someone who deserves your love" - Silver, casually cuing all of our tears
Silver's hair was originally blonde; It became silver when he received a fairy's blessing (Lilia's). LILIA SAYS "May the Night bless you" and says that the day he found Silver is his new birthday. So the Dawn Knight has gold hair because it's blessed by a diurnal fae, but with silver hair like moonlight, Silver won't stand out in Briar Valley.
I CAN'T WITH LILIA, SILVER SAYS HE WAS NAMED THAT BECAUSE OF HIS HAIR COLOR IN A BIRTHDAY VIGNETTE... Yet here we see Lilia actually named him Silver as in silver moonlight to guide people in the darkness...
"Even if I have to give up my own life, I want to protect my child", that's a sentiment that both Lilia's princess and the Dawn Knight expressed. I think this kind of thinking probably helped Lilia put everything into perspective and better understand that humans and fae are actually very similar.
SILVER/LILIA HOME REVEAL, we're seeing some point later in time but before present day when Lilia is still raising baby Silver.
Lilia is singing the same lullaby as what Meleanor sang for Malleus in the egg!! Malleus pays them a visit and still doesn't really seem to understand humans (HE SAYS SILVER LIKE A MONKEY????) but also helps watch baby Silver... He even hums his mom's lullaby for Silver, but cannot seem to remember where he heard the song before.
It's so weird thinking about how fae take 30 YEARS TO LEARN HOW TO WALK... What do you do for those 30 years, just lie on your back????? OTL
LILIA READS SILVER BEDTIME STORIES
Oh, Lilia's understanding humans and fae a little better (around the time Silver starts to eat pureed foods). Both human and fae babies cry and sleep, etc. BHFABIYFVQIQEFL hE'S FEEDING SILVER RAT MEAT???????? Malleus has to have the castle prepare baby food for them...
WAHHHHH THAT ACRON BRACELET LILIA TREASURES IS SOMETHING KID!SILVER MADE FOR HIM... Squirrels helped him gather the acorns and woodpeckers helped him string the acorns together. The acorn amulet is meant to bring Lilia a long, healthy, and happy life (something Silver was told by forest fae). Even as a kid... Silver was hoping for Lilia's health... and now that I think about it, the acorn amulet is like a representation of Lilia's own deteriorating health over time... OTL
"I feel like I can live a thousand years with this (amulet)..." LILIA EVEN KEPT IT ALL THIS TIME AND CALLS IT HIS MOST PRECIOUS BELONGING... shUT UP, SHUT UP IM CRYING
ASKHBLIDIBIFIA WE'RE SEEING THE RAINING SCENE LILIA TOLD US ABOUT IN ONE OF HIS BIRTHDAY VIGNETTES???!?!?!?!????!? It's the day Silver realized he and Lilia aren't related by blood...
God, there are so many of the map portions... This time, Sebek is the required character!
The rest of the gang are transported to the darkness where Silver is wallowing?? Sebek sees some of his own memories which intertwin with Silver's (since Baul sometimes took bare of Silver or visited Lilia). It's also confirmed that Lilia went to Sebek's dad to ask for advice on how to raise Silver.
Back then, Baul asked Lilia to train Sebek since he's part human (and therefore "weak" in Baul's eyes). However, Baul still values his grandson and wants him to have a good education 🥺 (Sebek's older brother also graduated from NRC??)
Lilia tore up his invitation to NRC???? But it was his friend Raverne who came to him with the invitation pieced back together and kept it safe for the future in case Lilia reconsidered. It seems like Raverne really is a diplomat; he stresses the importance of humans coming to understand fae + vice versa, and how it's things like learning a common language that can help bridge these gaps.
Lilia confirms that Raverne must have "become a star" by now BUT UNTIL I SEE A CORPSE I'M NOT BELIEVING IT
Sebek's trying to get through to Silver, who's slowly being swallowed by the darkness... HE UNVEILS HIS UM, "Living Bolt"!! "Thrust through the clouds, o' lightning!" It seems to summon a powerful strike of lightning, but I'm not entirely sure what it does because the visuals of the game are a little confusing??? (Like it shows a white silhouette of Sebek moving around, so it makes me think he can... control the lightning??? Or he... becomes lightning itself to move around??? DON'T QUOTE ME ON THAT.) Sebek says he hasn't mastered it yet so maybe even he doesn't know what it can do.
With Sebek's UM, he's able to snap Silver out of it!
THE GIRLIES ARE FIGHTING... There's literally a battle between Silver and Sebek, which resolves with Sebek smacking some sense into Silver. Sebek calls him an idiot and tells him to stop saying he isn't loved, because it's rude of Silver to be this weak when Lilia raised him to be strong (ie "IT'S AN INSULT TO LILIA-SAMA", "IF HE SAW YOU BEING THIS PATHETIC HE'D BE SAD", etc). Way to go with your words of encouragement... 100/10 motivational speaker, Sebek.
Silver realizes that he has had Lilia's love and support all this time... "It's true love", Silver says. The true love that his guardian fairies said would wake him from his sleep... 😭I really appreciate how it was Silver who first snapped Sebek out of his dream-induced despair, and now Sebek is doing the same for Silver.
WAIT THAT'S IT?????? THAT'S THE UPDATE???? ?? ??? ? ????????? 🤡 TWST really said, "I'm coming for everyone's throat and I'm taking no prisoners" AND THEN DIPPED ON US AFTER DROPPING SO MANY BOMBSHELLS... This is just the fate of every book 7 main story update now, isn't it???!??????!?
asidoavyfqevofb I know a ton of really exciting and shocking reveals happened this time around, but while my mind is still racing to process everything... the one thing that sticks out to me is "Ace is the only one without a UM now". IT'S SO FUNNY HOW HE THOUGHT HE'D GET HIS UM BEFORE DEUCE BUT HE ACTUALLY ENDS UP BEING THE LAST OF THE ENTIRE MAIN CAST TO GET IT................. .. . . . .. ....... .. .. . .. ... . . . .. THERE IS SOME CRUEL, SICK IRONY HERE.
I pretty much said all my other thoughts as they cropped up along with the corresponding story beats!! But overall, I loved learning more about the characters and their shared history. Part 5 confirmed many theories, such as the Dawn Knight being related to Silver (and not his ancestor, but rather his actual dad), Silver being put under a sleeping curse that requires true love to break, how Lilia came to raise Silver, etc. It also recontexualizes lore we already knew, such as how Silver got his name, the Zigvolt family's involvement with Lilia, and how Lilia changed from his old self to his current self.
khbhasdsbkuavuofafabf I ALSO CAN'T BELIEVE LILIA X MALLEMOM IS A THING, THAT WAS ONE OF THE MOST SHOCKING REVEALS THIS ENTIRE UPDATE😭 All this time we were joking about Lilia x Mrs. Spade... turns out, Lilia was into someone else's mom... HE'S JUST INTO MOMS, I'M CALLING IT NOW/j
I'm surprised that we didn't get to catch up with the Shroud brothers whatsoever this time??? Not a single peep about Ortho (who has 'woken up and is actively working to help everyone) or even Idia (who is still stuck dreaming)... I really hope the next update addresses how Ignihyde is faring, cuz I miss them and want to know how they contribute to saving the day!!
As book 7 progresses, it progressively calls the image of a spinning wheel into my mind... This is the case especially for the flashback segments we see, which shows us how the various members of Diasomnia are related to each other, and, by extension, their other family members. Lilia is raising Silver, the baby of an old foe. Malleus is visiting Lilia, who is implied to have helped hatch him after his parents died and/or went missing. Lilia asks Sebek's dad for help raising Silver. Baul asks Lilia to help mentor his grandson, Sebek. It really harkens back to the "individually, we're threads on a spinning wheel, but we come together to make something far stronger" line that Lilia dropped at the end of book 6, proving that the spinning wheel and the threads of Fate within it are an important motif for book 7 🥺
I'm fine.
This is fine.
It's not fine
#twst#twisted wonderland#Diasomnia#Malleus Draconia#Lilia Vanrouge#Yuu#Grim#Sebek Zigvolt#Silver#spoilers#disney twisted wonderland#notes from the writing raven#Baul Zigvolt#Baal Zigvolt#Bal Zigvolt#Dawn Knight#Heinrich#Ace Trappola#Meleanor Draconia#Sleeping Beauty#Maleficent#Ortho Shroud#Ignihyde#Idia Shroud#Raverne Draconia#Heinrick#Maleanor Draconia#Baur Draconia
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Jimin and the Devil perspective
I just wanted to expand some of my thoughts on Jimin and the way he may perceive his relationship with Jungkook in the lense of the Devil card that showed up in their last BMP relationship reading.
It's gonna be all over the place sorry in advance.
I always take readings with a grain of salt of course, not at face value, but it's interesting to try and analyze stuff with this potential perspective in mind.
If Jimin truly sees their relationship in the lense of the Devil, if explains a lot of fucking things about his behaviour in general these last few years. It actually makes a lot of sense.
Like why he has been holding back so much.
I don't want to make two cents psychology on Jimin, I don't pretend to be in his head, I don't pretend to know the truth, it's only my opinion and intuition and I might be completely wrong about all of this 🤡 So take of it what you will.
But guys it actually truly saddens me to say this, but I think a part of why he might see the relationship as the Devil is because Jimin still can't truly believe Jungkook is in love with him. He knows he does, but like there is a deep insecurity underneath all of it that makes it, improbable? Surprising? To him still.
That's why everytime Jungkook says something incredibly romantic or cheesy or grandiose (like "until we are 50") Jimin first reaction is disbelief ("This guy..?"). Yes of course it's also because they are in public. But in fact both factors are linked in the Devil perspective.
Jimin has always put everyone above himself, has always been the caretaker of the group, but also the caretaker for Jungkook when he was growing up. Even if the dynamic changed these days, in his mind he still needs to take care of Jungkook, it's still his job even if JK is an adult now ("as long as you are happy" "all for your happiness").
Who offered to make the AYS first trip? Jimin. And why did he do so? Probably because he saw how utterly miserable Jungkook was, he saw that Jungkook needed this, needed to spend time away from schedule but also together with him. So he catered to his needs.
I'm not saying Jimin didn't need it.
Jimin deeply loves Jungkook, he has loved him almost immediately after they met, Jungkook is the man he's wanted since day one, of course he needs him.
He loves the attention he has from Jungkook. He loves that Jungkook is his. He loves having his name on JK's chest. But Jimin has such a big heart he puts Jungkook first because he still feels he needs to be the caretaker, and that's why he needs to be the responsible one, the reasonable one, the cautious one. And they need to be careful, not for his own sake, but for Jungkook's sake.
He's so used to put others above himself that it seems he doesn't even know how to take a compliment properly. He avoids it. And he's honored to have JK's food, it's an honor to him for JK to do nice things for him. When something is an honor, it's because you place the other person in high standard right?
Did you have fun? It's all that matters. All for YOUR happiness. Jimin doesn't even think about himself for one second. This isn't even about him.
We know how much hate Jimin has been receiving online for years now. That's why he has been away from socmed and that's why he doesn't share any truly personal stuff with us anymore. We can assume he read the hate, he knows the hate, and the hate hurt him in a way for him to pull back this much.
So that's why he can be so careful at times, and that's why he's the worrier of the two, because he experienced directly what hate can do to someone and he doesn't want this for Jungkook. He wants to protects Jungkook from it.
Jungkook doesn't care of course. Jungkook is free. Jungkook lives his life as he pleases, and I'm sure he's not as concerned as Jimin, but still he makes the effort not to simply blurt out "Jimin is my boyfriend" only because he cares what Jimin thinks and if Jimin doesn't feel safe then Jungkook wants to do the right thing by him too.
But all of it guys, the worrying, the not believing completely Jungkook loves him, the caretaker role Jimin has taken upon himself and placing others above, it all comes from an internal imbalance. A false perception.
Jimin has a deep rooted insecurity somewhere. Jimin has pretty much always downplayed his own accomplishements, and in a way his own worth? Which might have been completely due to environnemental influence who knows.
So that's the reason he might see their relationship as the Devil. That's why he thinks it's an hinderance not even for himself but for Jungkook.
It comes from fear. Fear of the outside world, but also fear of not being good enough (which is like the insecurity of 90% of the population of the planet? So yeah not very surprising there)
You can put people above yourself as an act of service, but when it becomes to your own detriment it shows a lack of self-esteem and self-love. You can give to others but you also need to give to yourself, and does Jimin really does this??? I don't know.
Jungkook does not have this issue to that extent because he has that self-love (which Jimin amongst other people also helped him build).
I won't begin to speculate where this comes from or why, there might be many factors at play and it doesn't really matter.
What I believe is that Jungkook being so forward with his feelings for Jimin might help Jimin being more assured in this relationship.
But as long as he doesn't have that internal shift, where he stops buying into this false perception of himself, and whatever role he "should" take or not, it can't really evolve from the Devil.
Because the Devil is pure illusion to begin with, literally. As long as Jimin will stay in this illusion there will be imbalance in the relationship.
But if he can reconnect to himself and to his heart, which I hope the time in military will allow him to do, he can come back to a more balanced state and it will be smooth sailing from there.
I wonder if he will be able to do it at some point, I truly hope so, even if I'm quite sure Jungkook will be there to support him trhough it.
I'm not even 100% sure it's in the conscious mind of Jimin. Maybe it's an underlying thing lurking in the subconscious.
Idk man.
(All of it is only speculation and my own intuition, I am not throwing hate at Jimin in fact there is no judgement in any of these statements, merely me trying to make sense of things.)
Feel free to send me your thoughts (politely) if you have any
I have no conclusion to this 🫡 sorry for my rambling
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