#and i was one of the two applicants and they invited me to a Teams interview which was supposed to be last monday

[theflyingfeeling]

stupid stupid stupid stupid I am so fucking stupid

(LONG rant in the tags. originally a little longer still but apparently there were too many tags so tumblr deleted the rest lol)

[back2bluesidex]

Monitoring Duty - JJK

Pairing: Idol!Jungkook X Managerial staff!Reader

Theme: Fluff, f2l (kinda), coworkers to lovers (kinda)

Summary: You are tasked with monitoring Jungkook's weverse live tonight, which starts with you trying to shove ramyeon down your throat and ends with Jungkook confessing that he likes you too.

Wordcount: 1.7k+

Warnings: None.

A/N: trust me, I had no plans of writing this one but couldn't really get this idea out of my head... so, please suffer with me. thank you very much. and it's really stupid so please forgive me.

Weverse: 🌟JK started a LIVE  - I am tired..

Your phone dinged with the notification. You know what it can be and you are prepared but currently you are struggling to chew and swallow the last bit of cup ramyeon, so that you can finally get into your monitoring duty. 

Drinking the water in a breath and debunking choking possibilities, you reach for your work laptop. Opening the application while putting down the password doesn't take you more than 10 seconds. 

And finally you are in. Now all you have to do is to monitor Jungkook and take appropriate actions when there is an inappropriate situation such as, he falls asleep, or he spoils his upcoming schedule, or he gets repetitive calls from a sasaeng etc. 

You melt on the hotel couch. Your limbs feel like jelly due to all the workload you have been through since 4 am in the morning. Being a managerial staff of a Kpop idol is neither fancy nor pleasant. While thousands of fans dream of being at your place, you want nothing more than a year long break. But then again, the pay is good and you are in need of money as well as a strong professional profile. 

And another reason for you pursuing this gruesome job is, the man you are currently monitoring. 

It has been more than two years since you joined Hybe. For the first year you worked with the entire team and for the last one year, you have been appointed as one of the managerial staff of the maknae.

You don’t know when in this last one year, you started to grow and harbor some kind of fondness towards Jungkook. Not that you don’t know the rules and regulations of the company (most of which don’t apply in terms of BTS), you can recite those better than your phone number, but still… staying immune to Jungkook’s charms, and especially the way he treats you with all the kindness of the world (which makes you wonder at times whether feelings are mutual or not), wasn’t possible for you. 

You know it’s foolish, you know there will be no return to your affection but you still like to enjoy this feeling of liking him, adoring him from afar, praying for him in silence. You will move on someday, but as of now, your focus is trained on him and only on him. 

“Oh the festival? The festival was crazy! You know it’s the first time I have performed in a festival all alone without the members, so it was scary and I was nervous. But seeing the other artists enjoying themselves and watching you guys cheering for me helped me a lot. Hope you guys liked it.” Jungkook giggles. You mirror his actions while watching him through your laptop screen. 

If you put your ear on the wall, you could probably hear his mellow voice piercing through the thin cement of the overpriced hotel room. You are given the room beside him for handling emergencies quickly and he doesn’t even know that. He doesn’t even care, does he? 

You shake off your thoughts as you try to focus on the live.

Jungkook restlessly talks and tries to interact with the fans despite being dead tired. You have been with him all day long and you know how hectic things were. He has hardly got any sleep since the day he landed in the US. Interviews, performances, event invitations, everything was lined up one after another. It all ended with the Summerfest performance today. Just this one live and after that he will get to rest for a couple of days before catching a flight back to Korea.   

You roll your eyes as Jungkook starts to sing to comply with the request of a fan. 

“He just performed for an hour and twelve minutes! And you people still want him to sing? Even when he is clearly tired?” you groan at the screen. Most of the time you respect fans’ love for Bangtan but sometimes their nonchalant demands really piss you off.  

Jungkook finishes signing and starts coughing immediately. You follow the live stream as he leaves his chair and starts looking for water in the refrigerator. 

He coughs some more and then with a very choked voice, says, “ah! Guys! I’m running out of water. Should I drink water from the faucet then?” 

You grab two bottles from the nightstand as soon as possible and run towards his room. 

Within a few moments of ringing the bell, Jungkook appears at the door. At first his eyes go wide seeing you standing there wearing an oversized tshirt and a pair of sweats, then his eyes fall on the bottles you have in your hold. He coughs again and you hastily open the cap of one of the bottles and thrust it towards his lips. He grabs it immediately and drinks until he is satisfied.  

You try not to stare at the way his adam’s apple bobs when he chugs water down or the way he wipes his lips to get rid of the remnants of water, but fail miserably and you guess Jungkook notices that too, otherwise there is no apparent reason for him to smile sheepishly. 

“Thanks” he says, closing the bottle, “so… you are on monitoring duty tonight?” 

“Yeah. Are you okay though? You have been coughing since morning.” You reply, neglecting the way your skin heats up because of Jungkook’s intense stare at your smaller form. 

“I am fine, Y/N. Much better now that you are here…” Jungkook pauses, your eyes widen at his statement, “with the water I mean.” both of you chuckle nervously. 

“Umm.. I will wrap it up quickly okay? I don’t want to overwork you. Just give me ten more minutes.” 

“Jungkook, it’s alright. Take your time. I like to watch you doing silly stuff anyway.” you smile and he giggles. 

“It felt nice… hearing you say that.” Jungkook gives you one of his bunny smiles as his dark orbs find yours. You two stay there staring at each other, without giving a damn about the 10 million people that are currently staring at a chair, until reality finally seeps into your veins again. 

“Bye. Good night.” you murmur as Jungkook nods. 

He is already back at his seat when you come back to your room and sit on the couch. 

“Jungkook-ah, I wish I had a better word than love to explain how much I love you.”

Jungkook reads a comment. 

“Umm… better word than love? Is there anything like this?” He thinks for a moment, squirting his eyes, placing his index finger on his chin and pretending to think hard, “I watched a drama where the male lead confesses his love for the girl he likes saying something like ‘the moon is beautiful’ and I think that was really romantic. So, from now on if you want to say that you love me beyond explanation, use ‘the moon is beautiful’ and I will understand right away. Okay?” 

You see as the comment section goes wild with “moon is beautiful” comments rapidly. Fans really love him a lot and he too, is so dedicated to his fans that sometimes you get jealous. 

Within five more minutes, Jungkook is saying bye and turning the live stream off. You leave a sigh of relief, nothing went wrong under your watch and now you can finally sleep. 

You hit the bed with a thud, wrap the duvet around your body and close your eyes only to be startled by the vibration of your phone that is kept on the nightstand. 

You grab your phone with an annoyed huff, which vanishes when you see it’s a text from Jungkook. 

“Do you wanna grab a beer? If you are not asleep yet?” 

And the next moment you are bolting towards Jungkook’s room, fucking your sleep and nighttime rest. 

You two settle comfortably at the balcony, talking about nothing and everything at the same time, while staring at the night sky. Gradually you forget that you are tired and you haven’t got any sleep for almost 20 hours now. But who cares. If having no sleep exchanges a bit of quality time alone with Jungkook then you would gladly stay awake night after night. 

“Jimin hyung texted me earlier, saying I did a great job.” Jungkook says, sipping on his beer. 

“See, you were panicking for nothing. You always do a great job.” You reply, he chuckles and then for a minute or so, you two fall into a comfortable silence. Until Jungkook decides to break it.

“The moon is beautiful.” Jungkook whispers and you hear it loud and clear. Your heart stops beating for a moment. You stare at the said moon blankly. You don’t know if it is what you think it is. Maybe you are wrong, the moon is really beautiful tonight and that pact he made, is between him and his fans, it has nothing to do with you. On the top of that there is no way he feels something for you. You are just a nobody, nothing in front of him and his grandiose life. 

So you reply, “yes, it is.” 

“Y/N… You have been watching the live and you know what I mean right?” Jungkook’s voice suddenly feels closer to your body. You don’t know if it’s really happening or is it just a fragment of your dream, so you stay silent. 

Jungkook grabs your arms and turns your body to face him. 

And then within a moment you are caged between his muscular body and the balcony railing. 

“Don’t I deserve an answer?” Jungkook breathes on your lips. 

“Do- do you really..?”

“Yes, I do. And I wonder why you didn't notice it when I am always giving you heart eyes, when I am trying to be as close to you as possible, when I am always looking for chances to converse with you, to spend a little bit of time with you.” 

“But- Jungkook..”

“What’s your answer, Y/N?” 

“Jungkook, my answer doesn’t matter. Not when I am one of your employees. It’s prohibited for me.” you try to make him understand. 

“You just need to say yes, Y/N. I can manage the rest.”

“I will get fired.” 

“You won’t. Don’t you trust me?” 

“I do.” “Then let me take care of things okay?”

“Okay.” You smile at him, as he connects his forehead with yours. You breathe in him, his scent, his warmth and his affection for you. You don’t know about the future, you don’t have a clue about the struggles you are about to face. But you know you love him and he loves you back. So maybe things will be alright. You will let Jungkook take care of things as he wants, as for now, when he reaches down to lock his lips with yours, you taste euphoria on him.  

A/N: The idea of "Moon is beautiful" instead of "I love you" is derived from the KDrama "Romance is a bonus book.

Taglist:

@phenomenalgirl9 @soraviie @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @sukunabitch

[liliesof-the-valley]

Headcannons for obey me!

I feel like this could be applicable to all of the dateables imagine them having those old fashioned lockets with their lover’s eye painted in them or perhaps just a locket with a picture of you. They wear it close to their heart and if they cannot wear it , they store it in a pocket and hold it when they get anxious.

Also yknow the TikTok where in the locket someone’s doing a kissy face and their boyfriend or something is also doing the kissy face so when you close the locket they kiss?? Yeah, mammon did that with his

Mammon and you have matching bracelets, you bought them at a stall at town when you were together. He adores it and will only take it off the day that it breaks. Also had a hugeeeee grin on his face for at least a 5 days

Asmo has a self care day every week and often invites you along, face masks, saunas, creams and lotions galore. Has every scent imaginable, you like floral scents? Rose or lavender ? Vanilla? Who are we kidding he has five bottles full

Asmo also has a signature scent made by a perfume brand that had him as a sponsor, no one knows exactly what is in it because he and the developers were the only ones in on the ingredients. He sprays some on you to get his brother jealous

Remember when beel said he wanted to try ratatouille? When you made it for dinner you coincidentally got all the brothers to watch the movie , along with Diavolo and all of purgatory hall.

Needless to say, Barbatos absolutely hated that movie, your copy was never seen again afterward

Levi makes playlists for the two of you, in fact he has one for every (gaming) occasion.

Beel’s fangol games are always attended by the brothers no matter what, the only exception being once when lucifer got dragged out with Diavolo that day. With the addition of you to his supporting team, beel is even more fired up to win the game

On Valentine’s Day the house of lamentation and the castle become flooded with gifts, to the point where they have a designated room in the castle for valentines.

Speaking of which, beel very much likes the idea when it was introduced , may be one of his favourite ones due to the copious amounts of chocolate being given to him. As well as his brothers who give him their chocolates and sweets when they know they cannot physically eat that much

[norrisreads]

kiss me kiss me #CS55

PAIRING: carlos sainz x reader, mercedes staff!, platonic friendships with most of the drivers

SUMMARY: everyone has a crush on carlos sainz, everyone including you

WARNINGS: fluff fluff FLUUFF!!!!!!!

FACECLAIM: jennierubyjane on ig

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

Daydreaming and people watching was something you’ll caught yourself doing mostly. At times, working in the motorsport industry, you’ll find yourself being busy but yet so free and here you are just staring into the space while sitting on the sidelines of the mercedes paddock club.

Until you felt someone sitting next to you, “Just to let you know, taking a picture helps, the staring is a little intense, y/n”

you recognised the voice of a specific Williams racings driver.

“what are you talking about, i’m just people watching as always albon. Where’s lily?” you shrugged your shoulders

“lily’s coming in a while, no but i am serious y/n, pipe down on the staring at the ferrari’s. George and I have been on a look out for you, you’ve been out here for at least an hour”

Honestly, you didn’t know it has been an hour until Alex told you off.

To tell the truth, you had a little crush on the driver from ferrari, specifically carlos sainz. Everything about him, just happens to be your exact ideal type. The only interaction you had with him was during the after party where he offered a drink & that’s probably when you started gaining feelings for the said driver.

“he’s so pretty and i am just this” you told alex.

“you could get it you know, there is alot of the engineers and staffs who are interested in you, especially because you’re always living up the moments, they’re just scared of toto”

Susie and you were close, ever-since you’ve decided to work under Mercedes since the age of 20th, which you’re currently on the second year right now. Susie and Toto tends to favour you especially when you were one of the youngest working under Mercedes amg, being close to the both of them practically means getting invited to family dinners, team dinners and more.

Other than Toto and Susie, you were also close to George and Lewis, and being close to George means you’re close to the Williams driver Alex Albon too. You were friends with the other drivers too, but aren’t quite close which resulted in your current situation.

staring at carlos sainz. “you know he’s freshly single?”

George came and joined the conversation between you and Albon. He then passed you a pair of tinted shades, “put some shades on, think it’s getting a-bit too obvious”

the comment by george made the both brits laughed, while you rolled your eyes to express your annoyance by their presence.

“being freshly single, does not mean i will give it a try, george. We have a 6 year difference, you know how i am with age gaps”

“if you’re gonna pull the age gap card, i’m going to pull myself out of this conversation, lily and i literally have a 3 years gap”

“no shit Alex, multiply that by two and it’ll be mine and the ferrari driver”

“To make you feel better, y/n. Think about Pierre’s and kika’s, theirs are way worse than you and him” george speaks out

“let’s move on, this is just us 3 being delusional”

“yeah you’re the delusional one, we’re just manifesting that you’ll have him sooner or later” Alex shrugged his shoulder and went back to the Williams paddock.

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

Qualifying for the spain grand prix has just ended, you were just walking around the paddock clubs area, instead of being at mercedes, you’ve decided to explore a little. Susie had suggested for you to have a quick walkabout knowing your job tasks was done earlier in the day, and you were just waiting for the drivers to be back on the mercedes building.

Fully focusing on the application opened on your mobile phone, you weren’t really well aware of your surroundings until you bumped in-to a certain someone.

shit, “lamento lo ocurrido, oh..?”

the universe has decided to aligned with you today, because right now you could feel the bpm of your heart rate increasing to more than 100.

“oh y/n right? i didn’t know you can speak spanish” carlos was holding on to your shoulders to balance you from the impact of the bump the both of you had.

“no, no. I meant yeah, i’m y/n, what i am saying is no i can’t speak spanish, those words were kinda taught to me by google, just for this weekend” you nervously stuttered and laugh

“that’s a cute effort to learn, where are you headed to right now? it’s a-bit crowded ain’t it?” carlos continuing the conversation

did mother earth suddenly decides to love me today?

“yeah cute effort i guess, oh just walking around trying to familiarise myself with this surrounding for tomorrow’s race! yeah it’s way crowded rather than yesterday! congrats on p2 for qualifying by the way!”

having a conversation with him feels utterly weird yet you’re thankful for this situation to happened, because whew this man couldn’t be anymore finer than a greek god.

“Gracias, lindura! See you later, perhaps? George’s on his way, by the look of it I think he’s finding for you love, it was nice talking to you” carlos smiled and waved at you, walking alongside Lando Norris.

dings

three little pigs

russell: what the fuck was that? were the two of you talking?

albon: what’s going on

what does, lindura means? cutie????: y/n

albon: did he called you that????????

albon: ANSWER ME!

russell: they bumped into each other, they had a 5 mins conversation, in that 5 minutes she told me her heart rate bpm increased to 110 (she thinks) he also held her

albon: why are you answering me

russell: i’m telling you the details that she’s telling me right now, appreciate it you idiot

guys i think i’m in love, Spanish accent is so sexy to wake up to everyday, six years is nothing to me : y/n

albon: i could simply ask charles for carlos contact y/n, let me do it please 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

russell: she just smacked my shoulders

“this is crazy george, that’s like my second time talking to him”

you paused your walk and turned yourself to face george

“hey guys” a thick french accent.

“oh charles, what a great timing” george pulled charles to the side and into our conversation

“hi charles”

“what’s this about? not in the Mercedes sidelines today staring into our building, y/n?” charles laughed which made my eyes turned wide

“what the fuck charles, YOU NOTICED? it was just one time, i swear.” i hid my face with my hands

“if it wasn’t for george’s tinted glasses, carlos would have caught you, good thing carlos is oblivious to everything” charles snickered yet finding the whole staring interaction adorable knowing from george about your tiny little (not tiny and little) crush towards Carlos.

“fucking embarrassing, this is my last appearance here. Im quitting this job” you rolled your eyes jokingly

“as if toto, susie and lewis will agree on that, you’re the sweet child of mercedes. Good-luck on pursuing carlos though, he’s a great guy y/n!” Charles ruffled your hair and walked off to the red building.

“I’m submitting my resignation letter tomorrow, i’m telling you Russell, leclerc can’t keep his mouth zipped. If half the grid knows of my little crush, it’s 70% chance my resignation letter will be on toto’s desk latest by next week” you sighed, for seeing the future

“dramatic as always” george laughed

y/nsocials just posted on Instagram (followers only)

tagged lewishamilton susiewolff y/nbestff

liked by georgerussell63 carlossainz55 and 11 others

y/nsocials may & beginning of june dump 💋🎞️

pierregasly this isn’t a dump , i’m not even in the dump cherie

↳ y/nsocials do you hear that? the sound of me not giving a shit ♥️

↳ charles_leclerc can’t back you up sorry mate pierregasly

carlossainz55 cute :)

↳ y/nsocials thank you carlos! ♥️

georgerussell63 alex_albon cute X)

↳ mickschumacher cute :>

↳ lewishamilton cute :p

↳ y/nsocials I’m resigning.

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

SPAIN GP 2023 AFTER PARTY

you were on your way to the after party with alex and lily, the others has already reached and you had to ask for a ride with the couple.

“how’s the progress of you and carlos, i’ve seen the comment”

lily asked u, i wish there was a progress though.

“the only progress there is was the fact my heart beats faster now whenever i think about the comment”

“dramatic as always, but i am being for real. Lily and i are curious, y/n. I can always ask for carlos contacts and pass it to you” alex rolled his eyes

“you were dramatic too when lily answered your dms. No alex, i want his attention the old fashion way, with him giving me his phone number by himself”

you sat back on the car seat with lily making sure your current outfit wouldn’t get ruined

“well i’m sure with what you’re wearing now, his eyes will be stuck on you all night and that phone number will be in your phone as soon as possible” lily commented and that comment had made you feel 100x more delusional as ever

dings

sharls shared a contact with you

sharls : he’s asking where’s your current location, i know the both of will you never do it, but i’m impatient

sharls : if he did ask for your number tonight, it’s because of me

what the fuck? what the fuck does charles means…..

what are you talking about??????? what about me? : y/n

Carlos Operatoooooor

russell changed group name to : carlos operatoooooor

russell added mickey chewsmacker

russell added chewis hamiltons

russell added sharls leclerc

russell: recruited new member(s)

mickey: why did i not know about this y/n

chewis: it was obvious mick, you should’ve seen her having her everyday ‘carlos’ watching hours

russell: every 2pm, don’t ask just watch

sharls: if stares could kill someone, carlos would’ve been dead

i’m in this chat idiots. I’m not invisible. : y/n

albon: we’re on the way, she’s with us! Lily thinks carlos is going to hit on her tonight, let’s see

sharls: i’m not surprised. Let’s see if toto lets y/n walk around though, first challenge 😨

you were going to fucking throw up, you were finally sitting down after celebrating max, lewis and george’s wins. Being in a huge crowded place wasn’t really your forte, but for the sake of your job you had to do it.

Other than that, susie had to bring you around to engage with other teams knowing how anti-social you are, and here you are finally having a breather outside of the club and zero signs of the carlos sainz.

you weren’t really a smoker type of person instead just a casual smoker but ever-since fully adulting, resulting to having a few puffs allowed your thoughts to permanently vanish.

you were covering your shoulders with Alex’s denim jacket (of course with the permission of lily’s) , sitting on the porch of the back exit of the club. Whenever the door swings open, you could here the songs bass booming and you could just feel a headache coming sooner or later.

Just a few minutes in, you felt the denim jacket that was on your shoulders lifted up, and replaced by a red jacket.

“thought this might be a better option, you look much greater in red anyways”

and there he was, carlos sainz taking a seat next to you.

and you’re so sure your heart is over the roof because there wasn’t any gap between you and carlos sainz.

“thank you, i don’t know about red, teal looks much better on me”

“well to me, red looks stunning on you. everything alright? too much to drink?”

if it wasn’t for the amount of blusher you’ve decided to use, the redness on your natural cheeks would’ve given away from the said comment

“just a slight pounding in the head, taking a breather. you want a puff?”

well honestly, you don’t even know if you should be offering him

“thanks for the offer love, but i don’t smoke. do your own thing, i’ll be accompanying you. A pretty woman shouldn’t be alone on the back exits”

if there’s anything a few drinks could do is having you feel so much bolder

“don’t flatter a woman like that carlos, she’s gonna fall for you especially coming from a ferrari driver”

“I wouldn’t mind flattering a woman if it’s you y/n”

there was a moment of silence because you had no idea how to react, “it’s the drunkenness in me but you’re driving me crazy carlos”

“care to explain, mi amor?”

you shook your head because no sane woman would tell the guy they have been eye-fucking that they’re interested

dings

carlos: hey cutie

“that’s my number, got yours from charles, if you’re ever wondering”

incoming facetime from mickey chewsmacker

answer or decline

“that’s mick’s name?” you nodded your head and Carlos laughed

you answered the phone-call and set it to loud speaker

“where are you little lady”

“back exit, it’s too loud in there”

“with mr prince charming?” you could hear Alex’s voice in the background

“if it’s me then yeah, she’s with the prince charming” carlos butt in the call, which made my face turned a shade of tomato red

not knowing mick was crowded around the others was also something you’ll never expected

“so no more staring from the sidelines?” this time, charles

carlos looking at you confused, you refused eye contact with him which made carlos snatching your phone away to have a conversation with charles in italian and with charles drunk on the phone, you knew the moment carlos looked at you wide eye you’ve realised charles had told him those staring moments, he then ended the call

“taking a picture would’ve lasted mi amor, i’m surprised i am unaware”

“i wasn’t looking at you, you were just in the view” you shrugged

“and that view is me?” carlos laughed and rested his head on your shoulders “you’re really cute, do you know?”

“yeah it happens to be you and i am fully aware Carlos”

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

3 MONTHS LATER

y/nsocials just posted on instagram (followers only)

tagged carlossainz55 y/nbestff

liked by charles_leclerc susiewolff carlossainz55 and others

y/nsocials i fell in luv but that’s okay cause i’m in luv 💋💋 #baggedaman

lewishamilton so will you be on merc or ferrari’s side from now on 🫨

↳ georgerussell63 answer y/n. our friendship is on the line

↳ mickschumacher we manifested this but we didn’t foresee this situation

↳ alex_albon yeah whatever they said ^

↳ y/nsocials dramatic all of you. merc forever of course (maybe)

↳ carlossainz55 she’s ferrari’s on sundays

carlossainz55 always swayed by you mi amor 💋

↳ charles_leclerc no longer eye fucking on the sidelines yeah

↳ y/nsocials charles_leclerc STOP PERCEVAL.

↳ y/nsocials love you so so sooooooo much

landonorris boyfriend stealer 💀😠

↳ y/nsocials cry about it!!!!!!!!! mine forever 🫢

y/nbestff give her back to me carlossainz55

↳ carlossainz55 sorry no can’t do

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

↳ end note: that’s all!!!!!!! sorry for rarely posting, have been kinda busy w school nowadays! hope you guys enjoy the carlos fluff 💋

[undeadfvckgirl-base]

Important for anyone who was a part of Introject Island!

If you are just waking up this morning to find the server gone the admins have deleted the server after being called out about their behavior towards their mod team and shit talking members behind their back, many of you would not have seen these screenshots as it was deleted almost instantly I was one of the mods. If you dont recognize me I am Rubik and introject island was a horrible experience with the admin team. The server was fantastic and the regular members were awesome. I loved all my conversations with all the members even the ones where you didn't quite get it the first time. The admins however were very lacking in their ability to take care of situations and often didn't do anything at all. One day the admins went to meet up together and gave the mods admin roles thus giving us access to a channel for the two of them by accident where they openly shit talked their mod team and other members they thought we might disagree on shit talking and claimed they hated their mod team. As a mod who was told I was great and that they were so happy to have us on the team it broke my fucking heart to realize they didn't give a fuck about any of us. I loved being a mod and being included in the server but its gone now and its because the admins refuse to take responsibility for their actions. Me and some of the old members plan to remake a server to try and get everyone back if you know anyone from that server please direct them here about the server and wait for the new one to be up with the former mods and former members.

My dms are open for the invite to the replacement server

Below the cut is screenshots we have of the admins owner channel and my response to the whole thing.

Important Disclamer: This post is not a call out post and even if it was I do NOT condone harassment or hate twords these people. Leave them alone. I will not be responsible for your choices to go after people when a situation is over with and I wish to move on. This is for the people who lost their friends suddenly and unexpectedly this week and a way to reconnect and not lose everything. Not to hurt someone. But they have a right to know what caused this.

Small fact about this. Evie and Peonies are dating. They also lies to us and said they would accept purgatorys application. We are also not dating we are qpps which is something else entierly to us

Here is graveyard shit talking Cyn (amber) and not even bothering to call null a mod but a "new member" not incriminating but kinda just rude. Also venting in journals wasnt a rule stated until after this

This screenshot speaks for itself (context Cyn left randomly due to mental health problems and came back shortly after and this is what the OWNER had to say about it)

I hope this explains everything about the situation and id be happy to elaborate more

[y2katsuki]

shy!konig x bold!reader

short drabble - 703 words (i will be making a masterlist as i update more)

that one tiktok sound heh :)

sorry for the delay, i was finishing my application for my master's program (pls...i hope i get in) and i got really sick, but i'm feeling better now.

you walk down the halls of the barracks, looking for one person. you had always had your eyes on the big fella when you got contracted to work for kortac. it was difficult to break his tough shell but you managed. you thought your feelings were one-sided until you noticed him staring at you more often. the one clue that gave it away was that he always managed to slip away from you, ignoring you and making silly excuses to leave.

konig on the other hand was avoiding you all day. it was the team's day off, which meant one thing. you were in search to find him. he didn't know whether you truly liked him or liked to tease him. he didn't mean to fall in love with you, but you were the first person to ever come up to him and talk to him. most people tend to stay away due to his quiet personality and big frame. as much as he would like to sit in the same room as you and stare at your beautiful face, he couldn't. you always sat next to him, teasing him and making conversation. his heart couldn't handle it. he thought he found the perfect place to avoid you, the messy hall, the one place you hated to go. but at last...he was wrong.

"so konig, what do you have planned on this lovely day?" you sat right across from him. as you looked at him with your beautiful eyes.

"uh...nothing much. and you?" he cleared his throat, trying to avoid from tripping on his words.

"well...i was hoping you would spend time with me." you gave him a pretty smile as you leaned in closer.

you watched as he picked up his water bottle, noticing how it shakes a tad bit. your eyes never leave his face, as he nervously looks anywhere but you.

"why are you avoiding my eyes, konig?" you leaned closer, looking up at him through your eyelashes.

"i...um...i'm not?" he says it as a question before finally meeting your eyes as his heart beats fast in his chest.

"there's thoses pretty eyes." you teases. "so how about it? wanna spend your day off with a lonely gal." your lips curled up into a teasing smile.

"a-are you joking?" he asked. throughout his childhood, many people would like to invite konig to hang out only to ditch him. he would really hate if that was the case with you.

"oh come on, i'm not playing any games with you, am i?" you leaned closer, noticing how his eyes start to wander again, nervously.

"heh," he lets a nervous chuckle, "not any that i know of..." he rubs the back of his neck, nervous that you are looking right through him.

"you see so nervous...what's the matter?" you grab his hand that sat on the table. his eyes shoot down to see your hand grasping him and before he can think he lets out a nervous laugh. "what's so funny, konig?" you say with a teasing smile.

"no nothing." he can hear his blood pumping in his ear. he looks at you one more time before finally falling into your antics. "uh, sure. i would...e-enjoy to spend my day off w-with you." he avoids your gaze once more.

you leaned closer, your face mere inches away from his. loving this nervous demeanor of his. you had a big goofy grin on your face before whispering, "it's a date." you leaned back, standing up as you looked at his red face. "let's go." you held your hand out for him to grab.

he still can't believe someone like you could possibly like him, yet you finally crack his shell. he grabs your hand and lets you pull him away. everyone eyeing the big austrain man being dragged by your smaller frame like a love-sick puppy.

it’s been since about 3 months since that interaction. konig blushes every time you bring it up. you two were happily together. it took awhile for konig to finally accept that you really liked him back, but he was the happiest he’s been.

even if you still tease him on the regular, but he just allows you.

[gtsdreamer2]

"Ahhh~ We're here!" Your step-sister exclaimed, bursting through the threshold of your home. She leaped towards you uncharacteristically, as if hoping for an embrace. You instinctually wrapped your arms around her thin frame, eliciting a happy squeal from her lips.

"Welcome to my house" you said meekly to your sister and parents. It was the first time you had invited them over officially, and there was no better time than now for Christmas. You got them seated in your living room and made sure they had access to all your appetizers and beverages.

"So what took you so long to have us over?" Your step-mom started. "And how come you missed last Christmas?" You father finished for her.

"Well, truth be told, we've been working on a massive project at work, like literally years long, but we're finally nearly finished. I can't really get into specifics, but it's for the military and it's going to help the ground troops. It's really cutting edge stuff. Literally the reason I went to college for." You were beaming with pride and filled to the brim with want to tell them all about the project, but the only one that seemed to look even semi-interested was your step-sis.

She had never made much of an impression on you when you two were living together, and she was far from any step-sibling fantasy growing up. But it had seemed like she had finally come into her own since moving out on her own. She was still rail thin, for the most part, and her face cleared of all her teenage acne. She HAD developed a rather sizable rear, but you could tell that it was from hard work rather than being inactive... not that you were staring. Looking back now, you realized that you hadn't been keeping in touch with your sis or your family much since you started your job at the military research facility.

"It hasn't been from lack of wanting to reach out to you guys, the job has just been really demanding since the get-go." Your excuse didn't seem to work too well on your parents.

"Well, I missed you and I'm glad you're here now." Your sister chimed. "And look at this big fancy house you live in now thanks to all the hard work you're doing! I bet they're paying you really well too!" Her praise was scratching an itch in your brain that was undeniably inflating your ego a little bit. This was very awkward coming from someone who mostly kept to herself when you two shared a house. She did seem interested in the same research that you were and seemed passionate about your dreams and goals, but she for sure didn't pursue the same dreams or actually understand the science behind it. She was always supportive of you reaching your goals though.

As the night wore on, your parents finally decided to bow out and head home, leaving just you and your sister, facing each other on opposite couches. She leaned in closer. "So tell me," she whispered, as if anyone else was in the house to eavesdrop. "what's really going on with your research? I know when we were younger, all you would talk about was making tech to make 'super soldiers'. but did you actually do it? You did, didn't you? You can tell me." Her words seemed almost manic, as if begging for information. You couldn't hold it back any longer.

"We did! It's so exciting. Like, you don't even know. All my research, all the grants, my whole team, it all came together perfectly as a culmination of my dreams and hard work. What we've created and what it can, in theory do, are just mind blowing." You were beaming and gushing at this point, like a parent, boasing about their child. "I can't wait for you to see the practical applications of it in a few years after it had gone through all the safety testing and red tape." She seemed defeated after hearing that last part. 'It's always the waiting' she thought to herself.

"Whaaaat?" She sighed, audibly protesting. "I don't want to have to wait years to properly see my brother's hard work! I want to see it now!" You sister whined like a child when she wanted to get her way, and now was no exception.

"The tech is solid, and the prototype is finished, but there's still lots of hoops to jump through and safety tests to perform before we can just start putting people in it, silly. I still wish you could see it, but it's just not there yet." Her ears perked up at the thought of her opportunity presenting itself.

"Well clearly I've had too much to drink to be able to drive myself home tonight. I think I just need to spend the night on your couch and then I can go home tomorrow." She turned on her side and laid her head on the arm rest, feigning fatigue.

"I have to work in the morning, so you need to be gone before I am, I don't have any spare keys or anything like that." You told her sternly.

"Maybe I'll just come with you to work then, so you can show me what you've been working on and I can praise you properly." Your sister said, filling your cup with more alcohol. You hadn't noticed, but clearly she was trying to get you drunk.

Morning came in a flash as you could barely hear your alarm from your bedroom. You awoke on the couch, not sure of how the night had gotten away from you. "Morning sleepyhead." Your sister teased. "I couldn't move you from the couch since you're too heavy, so I slept in your bed, I hope you don't mind. Also, since your alarm is going off, I assume that means we have to go to work now." She slid a cup of coffee into your hands as the brain-fog began to lift.

"Huh? We? What are you talking about? I can't take you to work with me." Clearly you hadn't been tough enough on her last night.

"What do you mean? You told me last night that I could come see it! You said you were happy to show it off to me and that no one would be there so there shouldn't be any issues! You promised!" You sister started to huff and pout, crocodile tears filling her eyes. Had you promised her that? It WAS true that you were going to have the lab to yourself.

"Did I really promise? I mean, I guess..." You trailed off, knowing already by the smile growing on her face that you had lost and she had won. Grab your things, let me get ready. It'll be a short day and then I'll treat you to lunch." She giggled to herself at your suggestion of buying her lunch. 'That's right you will. It's working!' She thought to herself giddily.

As you strapped into your car, your sister did the same. Turning the air off and making sure the windows were rolled up as she did. The drive was short, but the air was stifling. You moved to turn the air on, but your sister cut you off, blocking the knob. "I don't want to get chilly. Leave it off." She said it as a command, and your body froze. You nodded your head and reluctantly returned your hand to the steering wheel. 'That was a weird reaction.' You thought to yourself, remarking that as the drive wore on the stale air seemed to get sweeter and sweeter. Suddenly, you became hyper aware of your step-sister. You had never been attracted to her in any physical capacity, but suddenly, her feminine charms seemed to be turned up to eleven. The heat rising in the car and your increased heart rate suddenly made you break out in a sweat, and the outside world seemed to fade to grey as you continued driving to your place of employment on autopilot. All the while, you couldn't help but steal glances at your sister. She wasn't oblivious to this in the slightest as she adjusted her low-cut top, revealing her small amount of cleavage. She rubbed her legs together in her fuzzy leggings that clinged to her just tightly enough to leave nothing to the imagination. You started to pant from the blood boiling under your skin.

"What's wrong bro?" She asked teasingly. "You seem kind of hot and bothered." She put a hand on your thigh and electricity jolted through you. You could feel yourself growing hard only inches away from her hand as thinking became harder and more frustrating.

'Focus on the road' You thought to yourself, unable to vocalize any thoughts out loud between pants and stifled moans. Moans? 'Why am I moaning? What's wrong with me?' As you approached a red light, your step-sister grabbed the back of your head and shoved your face against the nape of her neck. As you breathed in her heavly scent, you were sent nearly over the edge.

You could feel your member surge longer, reaching maximum length. Your heartbeat throbbed through it, resonating at the tip, and you felt ready to burst at any minute. Suddenly, your sister pulled you away and turned your head back to the road. "It's green, dummy." She said cheekily. "Are we almost there?" You nodded, trying not to dwell on the fact that you were almost there in more ways than one.

Finally you pulled up to the facility, the gate cam scanning your registered plate and swinging open. You pulled into your parking spot and finally were able to shut the car off, throwing the door open and clamoring out for some fresh air. As you took deep breaths out in the open, you could start to feel the fog in your mind lifting ever so slightly. You were just starting to regain some composure when your step-sister came from behind and put her arms around you, forcing herself too close to you and refilling your lungs full of her alluring aroma.

"Let's go inside, it's chilly out here." You nodded, your eyes clouding over and her control over you reasserting itself. You flashed your card at the door and it clicked open. Your sister opened the door and ushered you through. You shambled after her with her leading you by the hand. It seemed like she knew exactly where she was going. Suddenly you found yourself in the testing room with the tech safely on display in its glass case. Right in the center of the room was a jet black suit that looked like latex. Although very unassuming and more than slightly lewd looking, this was the culmination of you and your team's hard work.

Upon seeing the black suit in the case, Belle immediately dropped your hand and sprinted up to it, placing her hands and nose right against the glass. The suit seemed to shimmer and shiver in response. "So while you're getting everything ready, how's about you tell me what exactly this is and how you made it?"

You cocked your head to the side before trying to shake out more of the fog that was clouding your thoughts. "Get what ready? I'm still trying to figure out how I agreed to bring you here. And what happened to me on the way over." You took this chance to slump into your chair at your control desk and take in some more air away from Belle, who was already quickly rushing over to you.

"What do you mean?" She said in her whiny voice as she perched herself on your lap, throwing her arms around you and placing her neck, once again, in range of your nose. "You told me last night that you'd bring me here and show me your lab and the tech and tell me how it works! You even told me that I could try it out!"

That didn't sound right to you. You wouldn't compromise your project that hadn't even been tested on humans yet. You especially wouldn't risk harming your step-sister...and yet. "Did I say that?" You asked, half slurring your words while reentering your trance."

"That's right. You told me that I could be the first super soldier and that you'd make your little sister grow big and strong." She pouted and snuggled against you, rubbing her scent on you and forcing another wave of arousal to surface. You could feel your bulge pressing into Belle's thigh, and she giggled knowing that she had you back under her spell. "Be a good boy for me and start getting it set up while you tell me all about your project." She whispered in your ear, her hot breath sending chills through your body. She got off you then and walked back over to the case as you turned to your control panel and started pushing buttons and entering codes.

"So basically we found this organism. It's unlike anything from our dimension." you began, telling a speech that you'd been rehearsing for months just for this big reveal "So we theorize that this thing came through a Mandela hole, which basically is a crack in our dimension that leads to a parallel one...but that's not important." As you were speaking, your sister quickly got naked, leaving her clothes in a messy pile on the floor. You were far too engrossed in your trance to notice. You pulled a lever and the glass of the case receded into the ceiling, leaving the suit exposed to your sister's quick clutches. She immediately grabbed it and started to put it on while you continued your procedures.

"So we quickly found that this organism was still tethered to its home dimension and that by binding it to some cutting edge technology, we could channel that energy into a host that the organism more than willingly bonded with." Your sister didn't seem all that interested in the science of it all as she was sliding into the suit that seemed to vibrate and slither further onto her.

"Why is this thing so tight if it's meant for big strong men to put on?" She asked, trying wriggle herself into it. You instinctively pushed a button that sent an electrical pulse through the tech, causing it to immediately expand and envelop Belle, covering her just like an inorganic body suit would. This, however, was not inorganic and seemed to quiver and purr in the satisfaction of being united with other living tissue. "That's better!" Your step-sister squealed, checking herself out and feeling herself up.

You pressed a few more buttons and twisted a big red dial as the screen lit up with your step-sister's biometrics. The screen displayed her vitals and the organisms output, showing just a measly tenth of a percent. As the suit fully bonded to your sister, she made an uncomfortable noise. "OW! It feels like i just got poked by needles all over my body and...and...oh. Now I feel better. Now I feel...kinda good."

"I just need to...need to...Why am I doing this?" With the suit covering your sister's skin, the scent in the air began to quickly fade. You finally looked away from the panel long enough to realize that your sister was fully bonded to the suit. "Shit, Belle. What the fuck? We need to get you out of that right now!"

"I think it's a little late for that, bro...mmmph. I can feel my body being fed that energy that you were talking about. It's ever so slowly entering my skin through those little needles that I got pricked by. And it's just making me feel so good." You could see now that the suit that had coated your sister was pulsing as it was being fed and, in turn, feeding her, forcing its host to absorb the energy that was being transmitted. You looked from her to the screen. All vitals were improving rapidly. 'This is valuable data,' you thought to yourself. 'but this is way too dangerous to continue.'

"I think we might need to pump the breaks here, sis." You said, trying to be the voice of reason. "You got to try it out. You're super healthy and strong now already according to the vitals monitor. It looks like you're already way stronger than me judging by the muscle density scanners."

"Is that so?" Your sister said, enthusiastically. She sauntered over to you, making sure to sway her wide hips with every step, the fluorescent lights of the lab creating a sheen against the body suit as she did. She was suddenly sitting in your lap again. The suit being on her combined with her increased muscle density made her noticeably heavier than when she sat on you only minutes before. But it was more than that. Her whole form seemed larger. This was a theoretical side effect of the tech, but you still were in awe of getting to see and feel it first hand. "You know..." She started, putting a hand on your chin and forcing eye contact. "I worked really hard to save up the money to get the pheromone concoction that I used on you last night to get you here. Sneaking it into your drink and downing the control agent myself. Forcing you to be in the car with me on the way over to make you even more susceptible to it. It wasn't cheap and it wasn't easy, but it got me here. It's just a little hiccup that my body stopped pumping it out when I bonded with this suit." She gestured to the pulsing blackness that coated her body, running her hands up and down herself as she grabbed two handfulls of her tits. "God, even these feel bigger and better. You have no idea how long I've fantasized about this. ever since you told me about your dreams of making big strong soldiers. Maybe even before that. I've always wanted to be bigger. And now you're making it happen!"

She readjusted herself in your lap as she stalled you with her speech while the energy continued to flow into her. "I can feel my body changing by the minute. becoming more and more and more and...mmmm...I'm so much stronger than you now and growing bigger and stronger still...I could just make you do what I want now." For the first time in your life, you had become genuinely afraid of what used to be your little step-sister.

"Belle, let's talk about this. It's true that you're bigger and stronger than me now, but that's enough right? How tall are you now? Six? Six and a half feet maybe. That's huge. And your muscles are so tight and toned now that-

"I know!" She cut in, flexing her muscles which rippled and defined themselves against the suit as she did. "I can FEEL how strong I'm getting! It's amazing! This truly is marvelous technology that would have revolutionized modern troop warfare. But it's mine now. And it feels way too good to stop. And your definition of huge and mine are way different. So I need you to be a good brother and turn up the juice. I'm tired of being drip fed this energy. I need you to flood me with it." With that, she got off your lap and skipped back to the center of the room, before twirling around to face you. "And before you even think about trying to say no, just know that even if you were to shut off the whole machine now, it's too late. I'm warning you. I'm so much bigger and stronger than you that you wouldn't have a chance, and I would be far too angry to hold myself back. So it's really your only option. I'm counting on you bro."

"Right..." You uttered, completely defeated by your newly monstrous sister. 'the fucking pheromones' you thought to yourself as you started to play with the controls again. 'that's how she got in my head and made me give her everything she wanted. I wonder if I have any other options here.' You looked at all the controls and came up with only too paths to choose. Path one would open the flood gates like your sister asked and make her an extra bulky bitch in no time, side effects be damned. Option two would be to reverse the energy flow and drain all of her new power back into the organism. That option came with too many risks to calculate. What would happen to the organism with that much energy in it? Would your sister return to how she was, or would she waste away? You were running out of time, and all the while your sister was still being pumped, albeit ever so slowly, full of energy. "Ok, fine. You win. I'll turn up the output. I'll make you stronger. I don't know what else will happen to you though...we haven't even run simulations on this kind of output. Are you sure you don't want to stop?"

"Come on! I need it! Hurry!" She was growing more and more impatient by the second and you didn't want her to end you, so you started to type in codes ignore warning screens and type in more codes to get to the most advanced settings.

"Here goes." You said, voice quivering with fear, and admittedly a little excitement, about your project being used to its full potential. You cranked up the dial from one tenth of a percent to ten percent all at once.

"Oh fuck!" Belle cried out, falling to her knees and then lying down on her back. She immediately started to convulse as the suit pulsed and purred around her, pumping massive amounts of energy into her already enlarged form. "I feel like I'm going insane! There's so much being forced into me! It feels amazing! Umph! Bigger!" You watched as your sister began to pulse larger and larger with each pulse of the suit. As you looked back at the screen, the instruments for her vitals were completely nonsensical. She was literally off all the charts and growing fast. eight, ten, twelve feet went by as she moaned in pleasure. "More more more! Turn it up higher! I can take it!" You cranked the dial to twenty percent and your step-sister doubled in size, orgasming as she did. She felt herself gush hard, her whole cunt clenching as her clit rubbed against the suit while she bucked her hips in ecstasy. Every part of her seemed more sensitive in the most pleasurable way. She felt herself up reveling in the sensation of her nipples protruding against the suit. She rubbed her fingers over them and felt them grow even harder in response. As she twisted and pulled and squished them against her already bigger breasts, she could feel them swell under her fingers, growing faster than the rest of her and evening out her hourglass figure. "That's it! I love this! I feel like I'm ascending! Like I'm finally going to be as big as I've always meant to be!" As your sister became more in tune with her growing body, she could feel the pheromone concoction still in her system. Forcing tiny holes in the neck of the suit to open, she told her body to produce more of the pheromone, and it complied. Immediately, you were overwhelmed.

"Turn it up. All the way." Your sister commanded, still writhing on the ground in growing bliss between constant climaxes. unable to resist, you cranked the dial all the way. Rapidly running out of room, Belle ballooned up to an impressive eighty feet and exploded out of the building, her giant suited foot shielding you from the rubble as it plowed right through your control panel, destroying the connection to the suit. She hardly noticed outgrowing your lab, but the feed of energy being severed left Belle with a sense of longing. She lifted her foot and the surrounding debris away from you before scooping you up into her hand. "Fuck you're tiny." She said, standing up to her full height of one hundred feet. "Everything is tiny. But it could be smaller. I could be bigger. I should be." Using her connection to the suit, free of tech, she reached out to try and find a source of energy. She could feel something in the distance, outside the city. "Where did you say this thing came from? A Mandela hole? I think I can sense one. I want to drink from it." Your big step-sister opened a hole in her suit exposing her vast cleavage and dropped you in. "Lets go 'little bro' I wouldn't want you to miss the show." She began walking towards the source of energy, all the while her suit purring and hungry, just like its host.

[mlbigbang2024]

What is a Big Bang?

A Big Bang is a fandom-wide event where writers write a long (more than 10k words) fic, for which artists make fanart during the 6-month long creation period.

How does it work?

Writers arrive with a fic idea at the start of the event. Once they have begun writing, artists select fics to illustrate in an anonymous process. Then mods match writer-artist teams. Betas can get summaries of fics from authors and choose who they’d like to work with. They help with what the writer requests: bouncing plot ideas, helping with the flow of the story, and correcting spelling and grammar mistakes.

When can I apply?

Writer applications are open until the 5th of July. Beta and artist applications are open until the 3rd of September.

Where can I apply?

Application links will be posted in May.

What do I need to participate?

You’ll need an email address, a Discord account, and if you’re applying as a writer, an AO3 account.

What is expected of me if I get accepted to the Big Bang as a writer?

► Create a complete, previously unpublished fic for the event that is independent from your previous works (no sequels or prequels are allowed) and longer than 10,000 words. ► Work closely and communicate regularly with your collaborator partners. ► Keep the setting and plot of your fic a secret, and don’t talk about it publicly outside the event’s server.

What is expected of me if I get accepted to the Big Bang as an artist?

► Create at least two pieces of complete, previously unpublished artwork. If you’re paired with one writer, you’ll create two pieces for one fic, but if you’re paired with two, you’ll make one artwork for each fic. ► Work closely and communicate regularly with your collaborator partner(s). ► Keep the details of your illustration(s) a secret, and don’t talk about it publicly outside the event’s server.

What is expected of me if I get accepted to the Big Bang as a beta reader?

Work closely and communicate regularly with your collaborator partner(s). Provide technical spelling and grammar corrections, along with language, characterization, structure, and plot feedback to the writers if they ask for it. The extent to which writers decide to incorporate this feedback is up to their own consideration. Keep the setting and plot of the fic a secret, and don’t talk about it publicly outside the event’s server.

Do I need to get my fic for the event beta-read?

We encourage the fics to be beta-read. However, it isn’t required. You can also invite your personal beta(s) to the server if you’d like, or you can be matched with one in the event.

How will the matching of artists and writers happen?

After writers submit their Project Proposal on August 30th, all summaries, tags, and snippets will be shared anonymously with artists. From September 5th-12th, artists will fill out a survey listing their preferences for fics they might like to illustrate. Mods will announce writer-artist pairs on September 16th.

If I apply and get accepted as a writer, is getting art for my fic guaranteed?

Artists have the right to decline any work they do not wish to illustrate, so while we will do our best to match each fic, writers are not necessarily guaranteed an artist partner. However, we try our best to keep an even match of writers and artists, and it is likely that all writers will be paired up. All writers can also still produce a long fic to be proud of, with the support of the Big Bang Discord community. Other benefits of being in the Big Bang are getting your fic added to the AO3 collection and reblogged by the Tumblr blog.

Can I apply for multiple roles?

Anonymity in the lead-up to the pairings is very important for this event. For that reason, you can only be accepted as either a writer or an artist. However, writers and artists can also be betas, as well as pinch-hitter artists who can be called on to step in if needed.

What happens if I need to drop out of the event?

If you need to drop out, please contact a moderator ASAP so they can inform you of the procedure! If you ‘ghost’ and fail to communicate your change in status, you may not be able to participate in next year’s event. Exceptions will be made for extraordinary incidents affecting a participant’s ability to communicate.

What happens if my partner drops out during the event?

If you’re an artist or a beta, you can choose to work with another writer. If you’re a writer, the mods will make every effort to find an artist to fill in for you (this person is called a pinch-hitter).

Can writers collaborate on fics?

Yes, writers may collaborate on a fic. In this case, please indicate so in both of your sign-up forms.

What kind of content is allowed?

Your work can be about any ship(s) or no ships!. The Big Bang is a chance to commit to a big project with an unusual amount of support, so feel free to be creative! Crossovers are strongly discouraged, though, as we can’t guarantee that artists/betas will be familiar or interested in the other fandom.

Are NSFW fics allowed for the event?

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[jackalproject]

You know what time it is.

Howdy! Welcome back to the monthly update posts! This month brings something special; an offer to you to join our team!

When I first started this project, I hoped I would be able to pull it off alone, but it becomes clearer and clearer to me each day that I cannot do it alone. So, I’m going to open up applications to be apart of the project!

Currently, I am looking for a colorist, a lineartist, and possibly a cowriter! Here is a link to the google form that you can send in your submissions to, where you’ll be asked for your portfolio/link to your works and your socials. Thank you to everyone who applies! If you are accepted, I’ll reach out in a week, on the 8th of September. Once we’ve worked everything out, I will send you an invite to the discord, and we can get started!

Of course, obligatory warning. This is a large project, and I don’t want anyone to get caught off guard by it. Team members will be given the full rundown of the plot, and are able to back out if they believe it is too much or need a break! I am very flexible, and we will make things work. I look forward to working with you all <3

Now to the real update:

PART ONE: Final script done, first issue in progress

PART TWO: Script in progress

PART THREE: Final concept in progress

Expected Releases: None this month…?

Oh look! A funny Finn expression from the storyboard! Just for you.

Thank you to everyone who’s been patient with me, I really appreciate it. See you all soon!

(another link to the form, in case you missed it. You can also send in your portfolio and submissions on discord. Mine is Nikojpeg!)

Niko out!

If you have any questions, feel free to shoot me an ask.

[blasphemecel]

Tendou Satori — Faux Pas

PAIRING: Tendou Satori/Reader, Goshiki Tsutomu/Reader (one-sided) WORD COUNT: 3.6k TYPE: Pining, Exes To Lovers (speculatively), uhhhh idfk. Not angst or fluff but a secret third thing WARNING(S): Everyone involved is an idiot

During your first meeting, you look mildly inconvenienced if not annoyed while you shake a flier in front of his face like an angel wearing a tracksuit, ready to take him inside the figurative embrace of volleyball. Which is why he’s here, standing in the hallway and trying to find applications for the club he’s interested in.

It’s love at first sight… Or maybe his hormones are speaking. The latter is more probable.

You tap your lip in superficial thought and observe him from head to toe, then shrug. He sees all this through a shitty pink filter with hearts floating around your head. You tell him, “You seem tall enough for the old man’s standards.”

Goshiki stares back at you strangely before he plucks the sheet from your hold and promises with dramatic flair, “I’m going to prove myself when we see each other at practice! You won’t regret giving me this sheet.”

“Sure, you do that,” you say, put off by his enthusiasm.

He clenches his fist and fires up for reasons you cannot comprehend, considering you’re just an ordinary person. The determined look on his face has the potential to be endearing, but he’s holding up the line while maintaining his gaze on the ceiling, reminiscing about the last volleyball award he won in junior high.

“There are people behind you.” You frown when you say this, then gesture vaguely. “If you could…”

“Oh! Uh, yes, of course. Sorry.” Goshiki scurries away quickly after giving you an awkward bow. You wonder what his deal is, but it doesn’t stay on your mind for long.

___

Goshiki’s seatmate, Hattori, is curious about everything mundane. It isn’t that unexpected of him to ask, “And what about the manager?”

“What- uh, what manager?” he shoots back before he fiddles with the corner of his notebook to seem occupied with something, though the ruse isn’t convincing. Goshiki has been in the volleyball club for two weeks, so it’s obvious he’d know who the manager is.

“The one you were ogling,” says Hattori with a mischievous smile, “when we were getting those applications.”

Hattori did not make it in after they first applied. Now he settles for scoping for secondhand information.

“I wasn’t ogling! That’s disrespectful!” With this defensive assertion, Goshiki crosses his arms and pouts in defiance. Then he looks to the side and his face turns pensive, much to Hattori’s confusion. He looks like a kicked puppy, and has basically turned into a deflated balloon. “Manager-san is always sad.”

“Sad, how?”

“I don’t know, like… sad!” says Goshiki again — with great dismay — like it clarifies anything, but it doesn’t. He thinks about your distant eyes and bored expression, about your surly demeanor, though, and they’re all sad.

___

When Goshiki gets his straight spike right for the first time during morning practice, he turns towards you and salutes like a soldier. You stare at him, unblinking, until he asks in a loud voice, “How was it?”

“Nice,” you say blandly, giving him a thumbs-up. Goshiki fires up at the sound of that, his face doing that weird thing where you can imagine him going up in flames again, though you don’t consider your opinion particularly important. At least not enough to incite such a reaction.

“I won’t let you or the team down! That’s what being an ace is all about.”

“Ok.”

“Aha? What’s this?” This question doesn’t come from either of your mouths.

He sees you roll your eyes when you realize that Tendou has decided to invite himself to your conversation. Though he’s still new to the team and not quite used to everyone else, Goshiki doesn’t think he’d be wrong to say Tendou is the most eccentric. The only thing you can do is observe him while he approaches in an awkward lumber, like he’s trying to make you both uncomfortable on purpose.

Once he’s close enough, Tendou pats you on the shoulder. You glare at him, body tensing with pre-emptive annoyance, since you already know he’s going to do something to piss you off. Goshiki will probably be an unfortunate casualty. He strokes his chin and looks off to the side, simulating thought, but you’re sure he already came up with something to say before he walked all the way over here. “That caaaaaaan’t be right. I’m sure you can come up with something more expressive. Y’know, unleash your creative potential.”

“What?” you ask.

“What?” Goshiki asks.

“To encourage our cute little underclassman, of course!” He bends back and lets his arms dangle down to the floor like he’s performing a really shitty experimental dance. You watch in mild fascination.

“I’m not little,” Goshiki defends with as much dignity as he can muster when uttering such a sentence, then glances at you and tries to gauge if you think he’s little or not. It doesn’t seem productive to his appeal here since trying to hit on someone two grades above him is already ambitious enough. Unfortunately, your poker face is impossible to interpret.

Tendou continues on with whatever the point of his charade is as if Goshiki didn’t interrupt. “After all,” he points his two accusatory index fingers at Goshiki, who steps back either because he’s confused or because he’s intimidated, “the kid is to-tal-ly desperate for you…r approval!”

Goshiki’s cheeks redden in embarrassment and he waves his hands, trying to deny it in vain.

“Satori,” you scold, and it takes you a second to realize your mistake, and then you fumble to correct yourself, “I mean, uh, TENDOU,” adding extra disapproval in your pronunciation of his last name, brows bunching together, an angry line appearing on your forehead. The whole thing ends up sounding ridiculous.

In one stiff movement, Tendou stands up, assuming a normal pose. Then he throws an arm around your shoulder and pulls you close. “The future rests in your hands,” he declares, gesturing in the air like he’s making a grand statement.

You shrug him off and your conversation derails into pointless bickering. Frazzled, Goshiki stays rooted to the spot, the awful blush never settling down. Was Tendou mocking him, or was it supposed to be good-natured ribbing? Why did he even involve him when it’s clear he just wanted to talk to you?

It registers in Goshiki’s head, right then, that even though he’s the topic of conversation, this has nothing to do with him at all.

___

Semi is whining about something in the locker rooms where most of the team is preparing to get dressed and head back to the dorms for today. Shirabu has his earphones in, but Goshiki recently found out he only pretends to listen to music before leaving since he doesn’t want to seem ‘too interested’ in whatever the others are doing. This revelation had been accidental, and the explanation was even more confusing.

“I can’t stand practice lately,” he says in frustration, stuffing his jersey in his bag like it has offended him.

“Is it because-”

Before Ushijima can bring up how Semi is a Bench Boy now without realizing he’s being a jerk, he interrupts him to explain, “It’s like a sausage party.” Ushijima opens his mouth to ask what the hell that means, so Semi spares him the effort and elaborates, “All that damn showing off.”

Goshiki fiddles with his shoelaces and tries to disappear. Great, now a third-year hates him. It must’ve somehow slipped his mind that Goshiki is quite literally still here, but maybe Semi just doesn’t care.

“It is inconvenient when Tendou gets worked up and starts making mistakes, but his skills are still beneficial to the team when he is doing good,” Ushijima says, monotone as always, and this appears to be his attempt at placating Semi.

“Yeah, but you know it’s his fault and all, and then he cried about it, and now he’s doing whatever the hell this is.”

Ushijima shrugs to communicate his indifference while Semi mumbles something under his breath about how unfair it is that everyone but him is immune to ‘the bullshit.’ Confused, Goshiki throws them both a glance and frowns. He was sure Semi was talking about how hard he was trying to impress you, but now they’ve brought up Tendou all of a sudden. He can’t even begin to comprehend what events they’re referencing.

___

Today, when Goshiki struts up to you, he seems more energetic than usual. You kind of can’t stand him in the mornings because he’s way too awake and energetic and in an overall good mood. His high spirits are almost blinding.

“Good morning,” you greet, flipping through your clipboard.

He clears his throat and straightens his posture. The ‘online resource’ (a shitty site) he used last night told him a good way of getting close to a crush is making them laugh. Then, as if reciting something he memorized, Goshiki raises his finger and says, “Two cannibals are eating a clown.”

You stare at him, wondering where this is going.

“One says to the other, ‘Does this taste funny to you?’”

What you do next is worse than your initial lack of reaction. You give Goshiki an unconvincing smile. Like never before, he wants to run off and bury his head in some sand like an ostrich. 

Tendou, apparently once again intrigued by an interaction between you two, decides to intervene by putting on his news reporter voice. With his bottle in hand acting as a microphone, he starts his fake broadcast. “Goshiki Tsutomu, that’s what he calls himself. Not us, we don’t call him that. I can’t say what we call him on national television. I caaaaaaan’t, folks! Aaaanyway, Goshiki Tsutomu, he claims to be a comedian.”

“I don’t,” Goshiki argues while you hit yourself on the forehead.

“He does, folks,” Tendou says. “He claims he’s a stand-up comedian-”

“When did it change into ‘stand-up comedian’?” you ask, tapping your foot against the floor like you can’t wait for this exchange to end. And to be fair, that’s probably true and justified.

“-but he can’t even get the laugh track to work. Sad!”

Goshiki asks too earnestly, “Wait, are there laugh tracks during stand-up shows?”

Tendou shoves his water bottle in your face to signify it’s your turn to talk. “What does the incompetent paid audience that can’t even fake-laugh have to say?”

You scowl at him and refuse to say a single word.

Tendou turns his attention back to Goshiki. “Bangs this cool are illegal, sir.”

“You think so?”

With a sigh, perhaps defeated because Goshiki seems too flattered by the compliment (which means you’ve lost now that he’s on Team Tendou), you walk away. Getting verbally abused by Coach Washijo isn’t as unpleasant as this. Tendou watches you go, eyes wide and mouth slightly open as usual, and then he tilts his head and squints.

Confused, Goshiki follows Tendou’s line of sight and when he looks at you again, he’s shocked to see that you’re stifling a laugh by pressing your hand against your mouth. The sight catches him off-guard, his cheeks flushing again as they usually do when you’re involved.

Tendou puts his hands on his hips and leans in to whisper conspiratorially, “What do you think prickly ol’ Manager-chan is laughing about?”

Goshiki frowns and offers a weak jerk of his shoulder in response. He has no idea, really. Maybe it’s a little silly that he tried to tell you a joke when he doesn’t know what your sense of humor is like.

___

The strong pitter patter of rain hitting every surface of this godforsaken school resounds in Goshiki’s ears even while he’s panicking in his desperate search for his umbrella. It’s pouring. The walk to the dorms isn’t long, sure, but he would get drenched if he walked out without any cover in this weather.

You pass by the umbrella stands to get yours on the way out and notice Goshiki simply on account of his frantic movements. Once you’re within earshot, you ask, “Did you forget it?”

Jumpy in your presence, he startles like you’ve caught him doing something wrong. “Um, I think so,” he squeaks out.

Your paths don’t cross often during school. This is maybe his first time seeing you in the school uniform properly. Once again you’re like a godsent angel — the coincidental timing does not elude him. But instead of offering club positions, you’ve now arrived to absolve him of his sins (forgetting to carry his umbrella to school despite watching the weather forecast). “You can take mine if you want.”

“Really?!” Oh, so kind!!! A tear almost slips out of gratitude. Goshiki’s delusions of divine goodwill shatter upon contemplating the situation for around a second, however. He pouts in genuine distress. “What about you? You can’t just walk out in the rain.”

You forcefully pass the umbrella onto him anyway, and he gets a romantic glint in his eyes as he perks up and imagines walking together with you. It’d be cinematic, he thinks.

Before his mouth can comply with his brain and stutter out the offer, you pull out another umbrella.

“Don’t steal that!” Goshiki shrieks with his jaw hanging open, and he waves his hands around as if to convince you, though he doesn’t make any move to wrestle it out of your hold either.

“It’s ok,” you say. “It’s Tendou’s.”

… So mean.

___

Usually when Tendou screams ‘I’ve made a mistake!’ it’s because of a wrong guess, not anything this blatant and uncoordinated. Divided in two groups, they’re near the end of the last practice match for this afternoon when he somehow ends up falling face-first into the net. Semi cusses him out under his breath and prepares to maim him with the ball whenever he grabs a hold of it while Goshiki pulls off the most incredulous expression he can muster.

The unfortunate thing is that coach Washijo looks like he’s nearing a medical emergency. During the lecture Tendou only rubs his neck sheepishly, and then his lips twist down when Washijo orders him to run twenty laps around the school. The evil geezer’s attention shifts towards you next. “And you. Make sure he doesn’t leave until he’s done, alright?”

Your eye twitches.

“Don’t make that face!”

For a second Goshiki wonders how Washijo-san could’ve possibly seen how constipated you look, but then he glances back to Tendou nearby and realizes he’s sticking his tongue out at you. You shake your head and shove your hands in your pockets before making your way to the exit with a barely-kept composure.

“Come on, out of here. I don’t even want to look at you right now,” says Washijo, ushering him with impatient hand gestures when Tendou continues to just… stand there.

He trails after you with something which suspiciously looks like a grin on his face. On your way out, you indignantly whisper, “You did that on purpose,” but Goshiki can’t hear the rest of it after you smack the gym door closed.

“Back to work,” Washijo barks out, clapping his hands. “We still have a few minutes left.”

Another first year ends up replacing Tendou on Goshiki’s team and they lose, which means tomorrow won’t be pleasant for the players involved. He cringes at the thought.

By the time he gets changed and heads out to return to his dorm, he wonders if Tendou is still running around and if you’re following him in circles — the mental image is the slightest bit amusing — but he doesn’t have to contemplate it for long because he spots you sitting down on the concrete in the yard while Tendou’s lying down like a starfish.

He tries to rest his foot on your shoulder, but you duck him. Goshiki lingers, trying to make sense of the scene. Tendou is saying something to you, but he can’t quite make out what it is. In response, you end up hatefully throwing the zip-up top of your tracksuit at him and stand up to return to the gym and put everything away.

In your hassle, you don’t spare Goshiki a glance when you pass him by until he tells you an over the top good night.

You raise an eyebrow, perhaps for his lack of volume control, before you return the sentiment in a much calmer manner, and he’s flustered in your presence once again. It’s a weird kind of embarrassment — Goshiki feels like an idiot, but it’s also pleasant, as if he’s deriving enjoyment from the anxiety your minimal interactions cause him, and he doesn’t really understand. On a clinical level it’s infatuation, but there’s something about these sensations that evades him.

You’re long gone by the time Tendou comes into view, fiddling with the sleeves of your sweater. It’s an awkward fit on him, but he seems happy to be wearing it.

“What? No good night for me?” he asks with fake sadness.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Goshiki is good at bowing at the right angle and always does it with too much vigor. “Good night, Tendou-san.”

“Come on man, stop yelling. You gotta play it cool,” Tendou says in a sing-song voice before waving goodbye.

Goshiki can’t help thinking that Tendou of all people isn’t playing it cool at all.

___

The locker room has cleared out by the time Goshiki resolves to go back and help you to rectify last afternoon’s awkwardness. And all the awkwardness before that. You’ll graduate this year, he reasons, giving himself a pep talk on the way to the gym with occasional nods. Maybe you can be friends at least?

Lost in his inner monologue, he almost bangs his head against the gaping door. Light emits from inside, exposing parts of the hallway. For some reason he’s cautious when he steps around it. Must be some leftover nerves even though what he’s doing isn’t even incriminating.

Goshiki is hanging by the door still when he hears you say, “If you stayed behind just to argue with me, I swear-”

He tenses, blinking rapidly. Can you tell he’s there? Your voice is coming from the storage room, so he can’t see anything besides two vague, elongated shadows spanning across the floor.

“I’m not trying to argue with you! I’m just talking to you and you always turn it into this huge thing.” He recognizes everyone on the team by their voices now, and he hadn’t noticed Tendou left to come see you instead of joining the other third-years like he does every other night.

“Because you say dumbass shit that pisses me off.” Goshiki considers leaving. He doesn’t want to butt in on your conversation with Tendou — it already seems tense enough — and eavesdropping is impolite. “Also, you really need to leave that freshman alone.”

“Who? My favorite rapper Lil’ Bowlcut? He’s got a name, ya know? Go-shi-ki.”

Okay, he might have to stay around now. Just for a little, he justifies. To find out what this is about — a purely educational purpose.

“You’re even worse than me, always pretending to be oblivious and barely acknowledging him,” Tendou says after your lack of a verbal response. “Just put the kid out of his misery. It’s sad! Like when they show flashbacks to the swing from Naruto.” The last sentence sounds sarcastic as hell, but Goshiki disregards it, frowning.

“I don’t see how teasing him about it helps. You’re just fucking rude for no reason when you know better.”

“Manager-chan is still so self-righteous. Maybe we should cause a house fire and you can go in and save some children.”

“Tendou,” you warn.

“… I don’t like it when you call me that.”

“Ok.”

“You can’t call me mean and then break my heart like this!”

“Tendou,” you snap.

“Owwwwwww, it huuuuuuuuurts.”

“Stop with this. It doesn’t even make any sense.”

“Do you want me to grovel for forgiveness or something? Because I really hope you know I’m not above that. At. All.”

“You broke up with me.”

“Yeah, and you just agreed, and then you wanna be mad about what I said when you don’t even think we can make it through university-”

“I ‘just agreed.’ Wow. Tendou, you can’t break up with someone as a social experiment to test their faith in the relationship.”

“That’s not true! I wasn’t doing that,” he argues. “I was telling you how I felt, but you never wanna take any responsibility ever. You loooooved having an excuse to get in fights with those bullies, but when you’re the one doing something then-”

“I was, like, eleven, shut up, and I have all that bad shit on my record now. If you have such a low opinion of me, obviously I’m gonna think my stupid fucking relationship from middle school isn’t gonna last.”

“No, you were thinking that for a while,” he says.

“Because we’re graduating in a few months, yeah.”

“I don’t think badly of you, are you insane? Nothing like that happened!”

“When you say you think I look down on you, that’s pretty insulting to me.”

“Well, that’s because I thought you were better than me. It was just a stupid insecurity thing. I don’t even care about that stuff anymore,” he says.

“Then-”

“You’re like a magnet for underclassmen,” Tendou jokes as an attempt at levity. “Remember when that goober from Aoba Johsai tried to pull the ball trick on you?”

“Yeah,” you say, laughing a little.

“I miss you,” he admits.

“Ok.”

“Seriously?! Don’t be like that.”

You giggle again.

After some silence Goshiki sees the two shadows move, coming together in one. You’re hugging. Then there’s some more shifting and tilting. You’re kissing, like you’ve probably kissed before.

He tries to avoid making any noise when he leaves, disappointed with himself for staying around, curiosity having gotten the best of him. He definitely shouldn’t have heard any of this. And though Goshiki doesn’t think he has the right to be upset, he’s still lost, even stung, as his mind wanders off while he scurries to his room in a daze.

___

I almost forgot to upload this here lol I dont know i arbitrarily dont post things on herer that I do on ao3. Te question is "does something deserve to be on the blog" . I also havent posted on here for a while so now im embarrassed to do it. Sorry for using my blog. I wont do it again. i also hate tagging things on here it seems sodesperate. Like on instagram. Guys look at me i wrote tendou satori x reader haikyuu x reader haikyuu imagines whatever whatever. Lol idek what Im talking about it's never that serious

[celepom]

For Transgender Day of Remembrance, here’s 10 graphic novels with transgender protagonists, are about gender, or are autobiographies from transgender creators.

Cheer Up: Love and Pompoms by Crystal Frasier & Val Wise

Annie is a smart, antisocial lesbian starting her senior year of high school who’s under pressure to join the cheerleader squad to make friends and round out her college applications. Her former friend BeeBee is a people-pleaser—a trans girl who must keep her parents happy with her grades and social life to keep their support of her transition. Through the rigors of squad training and amped up social pressures (not to mention micro aggressions and other queer youth problems), the two girls rekindle a friendship they thought they’d lost and discover there may be other, sweeter feelings springing up between them.

Blackwater by Jeannette Arroyo & Ren Graham

Tony Price is a popular high school track star and occasional delinquent aching for his dad’s attention and approval. Eli Hirsch is a quiet boy with a chronic autoimmune disorder that has ravaged his health and social life. What happens when these two become unlikely friends (and a whole lot more . . .) in the spooky town of Blackwater, Maine? Werewolf curses, unsavory interactions with the quarterback of the football team, a ghostly fisherman haunting the harbor, and tons of high school drama.

The Bride Was a Boy by Chii

The heartwarming transgender love story, based on true events! Drawn in the style of diary comics with an upbeat, adorable flair, this is a charming tale about Chii, a woman assigned male at birth. Her story starts with her childhood and follows the ups and downs of exploring her sexuality, gender, and transition--as well as falling in love with a man who’s head over heels for her. Now they want to get married, so Chii’s about to embark on a new adventure: becoming a bride!

Love Me for Who I Am by Kata Konayama

Non-Binary Maid Reporting for Duty! Mogumo is a cute but lonely non-binary high school student who just wants a few loving friends. As someone who doesn’t identify as a boy or a girl, however, finding people who really understand can be a big challenge. When fellow student Iwaoka Tetsu invites Mogumo to work at an untraditional maid café, Mogumo is hopeful that things are looking up. Will they finally find friends to call their own―or just more misunderstanding?

Super Late Bloomer: My Early Days in Transition by Julia Kaye

A highly personal collection documenting the early months of artist Julia Kaye’s gender transition. Instead of a traditional written diary, Julia Kaye has always turned to art as a means of self-reflection. So when she began her gender transition in 2016, she decided to use her popular webcomic, Up and Out, to process her journey and help others with similar struggles realize they weren’t alone. Julia’s poignant, relatable comics honestly depict her personal ups and downs while dealing with the various issues involved in transitioning—from struggling with self-acceptance and challenging societal expectations, to moments of self-love and joy. Super Late Bloomer both educates and inspires, as Julia faces her difficulties head-on and commits to being wholly, authentically who she was always meant to be

Magical Boy by The Kao

A breathtakingly imaginative fantasy series starring Max—a high schooler chosen to become the next "Magical Girl." There's just one catch . . . he's a trans boy! Although he was assigned female at birth, Max is your average trans man trying to get through high school as himself. But on top of classes, crushes, and coming out, Max's life is turned upside down when his mom reveals an eons old family secret: he's descended from a long line of Magical Girls tasked with defending humanity from a dark, ancient evil! With a sassy feline sidekick and loyal gang of friends by his side, can Max take on his destiny, save the world, and become the next Magical Boy? A hilarious and heartfelt riff on the magical girl genre made popular by teen manga series, Magical Boy is a one-of-a-kind fantasy series that comic readers of all ages will love.

Welcome to St. Hell: My Trans Teen Misadventure by Lewis Hancox

A groundbreaking memoir about being a trans teen, in the vein of FUN HOME and FLAMER... and at the same time entirely its own. Lewis has a few things to say to his younger teen self. He knows she hates her body. He knows she's confused about who to snog. He knows she's really a he and will ultimately realize this... but she's going to go through a whole lot of mess (some of it funny, some of it not funny at all) to get to that point. Lewis is trying to tell her this... but she's refusing to listen.

X-Gender, Vol. 1 by Asuka Miyazaki

An autobiographical diary/essay manga about finding love in Japan as an X-gender person. At 33 years old, Asuka Miyazaki realizes that they like women! Asuka, however, is neither a woman nor a man--instead, they're X-gender, which is a non-binary identity. Follow Asuka through the pages of this autobiographical manga as they record the ins and outs of their journey to finding love with a woman.

Girl Haven by Lilah Sturges & Meaghan Carter Three years ago, Ash's mom, Kristin, left home and never came back. Now, Ash lives in the house where Kristin grew up. All of her things are there. Her old room, her old clothes, and the shed, where she spent her childhood creating a fantasy world called Koretris. Ash knows all about Koretris: how it's a haven for girls, with no men or boys allowed, and filled with fanciful landscapes and creatures. When Ash's friends decide to try going to Koretris, using one of Kristin's spellbooks, Ash doesn't think anything will happen. But the spell works, and Ash discovers that the world Kristin created is actually a real place, with real inhabitants and very real danger. But if Koretris is real, why is Ash there? Everyone has always called Ash a boy. Ash uses he/him pronouns. Shouldn't the spell have kept Ash out? And what does it mean if it let Ash in?

DeadEndia: The Watcher's Test by Hamish Steel

Barney and his best friend Norma are just trying to get by and keep their jobs, but working at the Dead End theme park also means battling demonic forces, time traveling wizards, and scariest of all--their love lives! Follow the lives of this diverse group of employees of a haunted house, which may or may not also serve as a portal to hell, in this hilarious and moving graphic novel, complete with talking pugs, vengeful ghosts and LBGTQIA love!

[meiliarotten]

Team Fortress 2 Kinktober Time Two: Electric Boogaloo

Day 6: After Party (Hate Sex)

🔞MINORS DNI🔞

Pairings: Medic x Fem!Reader

Summary: After Mann Co. is disbanded, you seek work among wealthy gala attendees, only to run into an all too familiar face.

Tags: Takes place after the mercs are fired/before Pauling finds them (comic timeline), riding, tension, teasing, rivals

Word Count: 4.3k

The Masterlist

The party was more immaculate than anything you had ever attended before, taking place in a massive venue adorned with expensive decor and buffet tables long enough to feed a small country. It reminded you of a ballroom straight out of a fairytale. Waiters wandered about in pristine uniforms, passing out hors d'oeuvres as if the buffet wasn’t enough. As for the guests, well, each one was more glamorous than the next, making it seem as if they were all trying to outperform each other, even as they made polite conversation among themselves.

In other words, you literally could not fathom anywhere you would fit in less.

You wore the nicest thing you owned, but even that seemed like rags next to the least opulent guests, at least in your opinion. You prayed that it wasn’t too obvious that you had forged your invitation to get into this place. The truth was, you were desperately in need of money ever since Mann Co. disbanded, and unfortunately murder was not considered a special skill on most job applications. In fact most employers seemed to consider it a felony. Who would’ve thought?

However, if there was one thing you learned in your years as a mercenary, it was this- the richest of society were often the most likely to want someone dead, and they most certainly had wealth to spare to hire someone to do their dirty work for them. Hence why you found yourself here, wearing a black knee length dress that you were almost certain you had only ever worn to funerals before, trying to figure out which of these pompous fools would be most likely to be in need of your particular brand of expertise.

As you scanned the crowd, searching for the most likely employers, your eyes were repeatedly drawn to the same person. You couldn’t say why- they didn’t exactly stand out, with their simple black suit and slacks- but something about them seemed familiar, his build, or perhaps the way he carried himself. It’s only when he turns around and you lock eyes that you finally put a name to the person. You’ve seen that face enough times to know it anywhere, especially since the sight usually preceded a scalpel being slashed across your throat.

The flicker of recognition in Medic’s eyes indicated that he had noticed you as well. Your initial panic began to fade slightly when you realized that causing a scene would likely get the two of you thrown out. God knows Medic most likely didn’t manage to get a valid invite to this party either. You would both need to act somewhat civil with each other, at least for now, lest you draw too much attention to yourselves. The wisest decision would be to stay as far away from each other as possible… which was why you were immensely frustrated when Medic proceeded to walk right up to you within moments of spotting you.

“What the hell are you doing here?” you whispered harshly once he was within earshot.

Medic actually looked taken aback by your hostility. “I assume I’m here for the same reason as you, fraulein. Hunting for higher pay, are we?”

More like hunting for any pay at all, but you weren’t about to admit that.

“You know, I could put in a good word for you,” Medic said. “I know how good you are at your job, given that I’ve been on the receiving end of your blades and bullets multiple times.” He laughed whimsically, as if he was recalling pleasant memories rather than recounting all the times you had brutally murdered on a daily basis. Respawn certainly was a blessing, one that you all took for granted.

“I don’t need your help, Medic,” you hissed. “Did you come over here just to taunt me?”

Medic sighed, as if he was talking to a petulant child. “Actually, I was hoping we could put the past behind us, but I’m guessing from your hostile attitude that this would be out of the question,” he said, now not even looking at you as he glanced over the sea of people. Well, if he wasn’t even going to look you in the eye then you weren’t going to humor him with a response. You walked off, deciding that trying to find some work would be a more effective use of your time than trading insults with Medic all night.

You planned to make the most of however many hours you spent here, and that meant getting comfortable with as many of these stuck up partygoers as you could, praying that at least one of them was homicidal enough to hire you. Medic went on his way as well, presumably doing the same. You tried your best not to let your eyes wander to him, but it was surprisingly difficult. Now that you actually recognized him he stuck out from the crowd. Shaking your head, you made your way to the opposite end of the ballroom, as far from him as you could get. You had employers to charm, and you weren’t about to let his presence alone get in the way of that.

—

You weren’t sure how you managed to find the small parlor that you eventually wandered into, but you were grateful for it. How long had you been at this damn party? Three hours? Four? You couldn’t even remember at this point. You collapsed onto a small couch with a sigh, placing your face in your hands. Whether or not you were even allowed in this room wasn’t important to you.

You had talked to guest after guest, but trying to gauge someone’s interest in putting a hit out on someone was surprisingly hard. As it turned out, most people don’t tend to flaunt their murderous intent. It wasn’t long before faces began to blur, conversations became repetitive, and you began to feel that if you couldn’t find a place to get away you would go mad. You just needed time away from the din of the crowd. The silence was a welcome respite.

“Not having much luck, fraulein?”

“God fucking damn it,” you muttered, not even bothering to lift your head to look at him. Of course Medic would just happen to wander into the same room as you.

He chuckled. “I’ll take that as a no.”

“Don’t you have some big shot employers to talk to?” you asked. “Or are you just here to boast?”

“Nein, there is nothing to boast about,” Medic admitted with surprising honesty. “Despite my attempts to convince them, these people are surprisingly uninterested in doctor assisted homicide.”

“So, we’re both shit out of luck then,” you said, sounding woefully unamused. Honestly, you just wanted to be left alone. The events of tonight were inevitably going to lead to you walking back to the crappy motel you were staying in with some stolen food from the buffet stuffed in your pockets. Of course, then you realized that your dress didn’t have pockets, and you sure as hell didn’t have a fancy purse you could use.

Medic laughed, seeming completely oblivious of your rapidly souring mood. “I suppose that is one way of putting it. I am happy to have found you, though.” You finally looked up at him, eyebrows raised in confusion. Medic sighed, leaning against the far wall. “Talking business is so tedious. I prefer company that is more on my level, so to speak.”

“And I’m on your level? ” you scoffed. “That isn’t exactly the compliment you think it is, doc.”

“There’s no need to be so confrontational, my dear. We aren’t on opposite teams anymore,” Medic said, putting his hands up as if to show that he meant no harm.

“We fought against each other for years. All that doesn’t exactly go away just because we got fired.”

“Hm, I suppose you're right. Besides, I do quite enjoy our little rivalry, whether it’s on or off the battlefield.” Medic smirked at you, and you despised the way that look made your knees go weak. You weren’t even sure when you had stood up from the couch.

Your fists were clenched at your sides as you glared at him. He was so calm despite having found no success with employment. He seemed so perfectly confident while you were silently fretting over how you were going to cover your next rent. And even with all those reasons to hate his guts, a part of you couldn’t help but notice how damn attractive he looked in a suit- no, more like how damn attractive he looked in general. It was that last part that pissed you off the most of all.

“It was hardly a rivalry,” you said, rolling your eyes. “You aren’t exactly much of a battle medic.”

“Oh no, not at all,” he admitted with a laugh. “But I can't help but recall you having quite a few run-ins with the blade of my Ubersaw.”

“And I can't help but recall more than a few instances where you were staring down the barrel of my gun,” you said, quick with a retort. “Funny how you never seemed to learn that your place is hiding behind your teammates, not charging headlong at me.”

You seemed to have struck a nerve. Medic’s smirk faltered slightly. “You would be wise to watch your mouth, dear.” He was close now. Incredibly close. When had he gotten so near? How had you not noticed? But you’d be damned if you backed down now. In fact, you took a step further towards him, the two of you now thoroughly in each other’s personal space.

“Oh? And what will you do to me? You don’t exactly have any weapons with you,” you said. “Besides, I’m just stating facts. You’re at your best when you’re behind your team's Heavy, practically using him as a human shield.

“I certainly hope you are not calling me a coward, fraulein.” Medic responded so calmly. It was uncharacteristic of him, which put you on edge, but your blood was already boiling too hot for you to keep your mouth shut.

“Maybe I am, unless you’re willing to prove me wrong.”

You didn’t expect him to do anything. You expected this to end just like every other confrontation you’ve ever had with him- although maybe with slightly less blood than usual. Honestly you thought he would simply saunter off, leaving you fuming in that parlor all by yourself.

But then he did prove you wrong. And he did so by pressing his lips to yours. Just like that, something snapped. Something that simmered beneath every insult you flung at each other came boiling to the surface, and you kissed him back. Medic pulled you flush against him, his arms wrapped around your waist. The action made you gasp, giving him access to your mouth. He gave a gentle, questioning flick of his tongue that you quickly reciprocated. Your hands ran down his sides then up again. You could feel the rise and fall of his chest every time you parted for breath.

Medic grew more forceful, almost sloppy, but it felt so good, fueled by years of pent up tension finally getting a taste of release. After a bombardment of lip bruising kisses and wandering hands you finally parted, panting heavily. Medic leaned in until you felt his breath tickle your ear.

“I could be inside you right now.” His voice was so low, a far cry from the shouts of victory or pain you heard from him on the battlefield. It was smooth and quiet enough to ensure no one would overhear, even though you were the only two in the room. “You want that, don’t you?”

You were undeniably flustered. Never would you have thought you would be so flushed over hearing your enemy say such filthy things. “I don’t think the other guests would appreciate that,” you finally managed to respond, miraculously without letting your voice shake even once.

“Then perhaps we should take our leave, fraulein.” That little pet name he had for you was usually an endless source of annoyance, but this was exceptionally different. For once it wasn’t spoken with hatred or spite. No, it was spoken with unfettered lust, and you found that you quite liked hearing it like that.

—

You didn’t expect gentleness from Medic. In fact, you didn’t even want gentleness, and you made that clear the moment the two of you stumbled past the door to his hotel room, a surprisingly nice hotel room at that. You couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy, especially since all you had to go back to was a dubious motel that smelled of cigarette smoke and dust. How the hell did he afford this while being unemployed? You decided it didn’t matter. There was no time to dwell on that.

You grabbed Medic roughly by the lapels of his suit jacket, pulling him into a kiss that was more teeth than tongue or lips. It was aggressive, almost animalistic in its intensity. You felt him groan into the kiss, shucking off his suit jacket the moment you released your grip on it. The moment it was off you got to work on the buttons of his undershirt. You had half a mind to simply tear it off of him, scattering the buttons to the far corners of the room. You just barely managed to restrain yourself from doing so.

When the shirt was finally unbuttoned you paused to run your hands up his torso, sliding over his chest and up to his shoulders. He was very muscular, something that you had never really noticed beneath his work uniform. It made sense. He had to carry around the Medigun, and it wasn’t exactly lightweight. You were briefly aware that all the supplies and weaponry Medic had to lug around with him on the battlefield probably weighed more than you did. That thought was confirmed a moment later, almost as if he had read your mind, when he leaned down and lifted you with ease, his arms hooking around your thighs for support. You wrapped your legs around him for some stability, but even so, you nearly lost your balance when his palm came down hard on your ass, a harsh smack being followed by your yelp of both pain and surprise.

“What the hell was that for?” you asked, not bothering to hide your annoyance. Your face was bright red at this point, which probably made your glare seem more cute than menacing.

“Is your threshold for pain really so low, liebchen?” Medic asked, grinning as he reached up to grab a fistful of your hair. You knew what was coming before he even began to pull. He was truly showing off his strength now, holding you with just one arm and the support of your legs around his waist. “Given all that we’ve been through, I would have thought such a little sting wouldn’t be a bother.”

His grip on your hair released after only a few moments and he made his way to the bed, still holding you. You knew Medic could have easily chosen to throw you roughly onto the mattress if he wanted to, but instead you found yourself being gently lowered onto the bed. A shiver ran down your spine as your bare back made contact with the cool sheets, and you realized that at some point he had undone the zipper at the back of your dress. This allowed him to remove it with ease once you were comfortable. You felt relieved to finally be out of the dress, no longer needing to wear what amounted to a cheap disguise meant to blend in with a bunch of rich assholes.

You reached back to unclip your bra, throwing it to the side with little ceremony. Medic busied himself with your underwear, taking the exact opposite approach. He removed them ever so slowly, inching over your thighs as if the garment was made of tissue paper and he was trying not to tear it. It was beginning to annoy you.

“Hey!” you said, getting Medic’s attention. You sat up, grabbing his hair and pulling him forward. The soft groan you got in response was very rewarding, but you couldn’t get distracted by that right now. You kicked off your underwear yourself and glared at the doctor. “You’re taking forever. Are we fucking or not?”

You tugged on his hair, hard, and he winced before quickly composing himself. “So bold, meine liebe. I like this side of you,” he said. You only let go of him when he began to unfasten his belt, and you tried your best not to stare or look impressed when you noticed the sizable tent in his slacks. You shifted back so that you were sitting in the center of the bed. It gave you a rather nice view of Medic when he finally removed the last of his clothes, but you barely got a chance to admire the sight before he was on top of you.

He paused there, seated between your legs, simply looking at you with an expression full of lust. You could feel how hard he was against your thigh, and a pang of need almost made you beg, but you caught yourself before you did. If he wanted you to beg, he’d have to work much harder for it. “What are you waiting for?” you asked, trying to sound as annoyed as possible, but the slight shake in your voice was evident.

“I’m just admiring the sight of you…” Medic began, leaning down to kiss your neck. “ Beneath me, right where you belong.” Those kisses turned into bites, making you gasp and arch against him. You heard his breath shudder as your body pressed against his.

That was when he finally thrusted into you . You were embarrassed by the moan that managed to tear its way from your throat, being caught off guard by the sudden motion and the jolt of pleasure that shot through your body like a live wire. It felt so amazing to finally be filled, to satisfy that empty ache between your legs that had been becoming more intense ever since you left the party. Still, you weren’t about to give Medic too big of an ego boost, at least, not until he truly earned it.

“Harder!” you gasped, dragging your nails over his back, leaving stinging, raised red lines in your wake. “Come on, don’t you dare be gentle with me now.”

Medic chuckled wickedly, barely reacting to your scratching. “Oh, I don’t plan on being gentle with you, liebe.” Suddenly, your arms were pinned to the bed, his hands wrapped firmly around your wrists. His grip was rough and likely to leave bruises, and he soon set a merciless pace.

You struggled to contain your sounds as he slammed into you, trying to roll your hips to meet his strokes, but it was as if he was purposefully trying to make that difficult for you. His rhythm changed every time you began to get used to it. You growled in annoyance, but that only got a sly grin from Medic, proving that he was indeed doing this on purpose. Still, you tried to grind against him, at least until he released your wrists only to hold your hips still, preventing you from bucking or squirming. Your clit ached, desperate for either his touch or your own, a sensation that would have you seeing stars within moments.

“Fuck, I’m close!” you moaned, writhing futilely in his grasp, hands gripping the bed sheets to keep from just giving in and touching yourself. You wanted to get him to do it, you wanted that small victory.

“Beg for it,” Medic whispered, pressing his lips to your ear. There it was. You knew it was coming, but if he thought it would be that easy, he was a fool.

“Fuck you,” you said, glaring defiantly at him while he simply chuckled, seeming to find your defiance more as a form of amusement than a true challenge to overcome.

“Oh, you are, liebchen. However, that’s not the answer I’m looking for.” Medic stopped moving completely and you wanted to whine, but resisted the urge. You never let him dominate you without a fight on the battlefield, and the bedroom was no exception. It seemed that whether the driving emotions were that of hate or lust, it was always going to be war between you.

With a scoff, you decided to finally take advantage of the fact that he was no longer pinning your arms. You latched onto his hair again, pulling hard, which caught him off guard. He was thrown off balance just long enough for you to switch your positions, now finding yourself seated atop him while he looked up at you. He seemed bewildered, as if he was trying to figure out what just happened, and you found it adorable.

“See what happens when you get overconfident?” you said before beginning to mercilessly ride him, not wasting any time. Medic gasped, giving you a look of what could almost be considered respect before sitting back and enjoying the ride. It was actually quite attractive to see you bouncing on his cock.

You weren’t as close as you were before. The pause in the action had caused you to lose sight of your climax, but now that you were in control, it was quickly beginning to build again. However, by far the most appealing thing about being on top was the view you had of Medic’s reactions. You saw how his gaze lingered on the steady bounce of your chest as you rode him, the way he bit his lip to stifle moans whenever you did something especially good with your hips. But the best part was how you could feel his body beneath you, the way he shuddered and tensed up in response to whatever you did to him.

Your hands were planted on his lower stomach to steady yourself, and you could feel the way the muscles began to tighten. It was a sure sign that he was getting close as well. Medic wasn’t quite as intimidating like this, and it only served to make you bolder.

“I wonder what your team would think if they could see you right now, letting me use you like this,” you taunted, grinding against him to emphasize your point.

“I could say the same about you, fraulein. How would your team react if they knew I was about to make you come on my cock?” Medic’s hands latched onto your hips with enough force to throw you off your rhythm. You gasped as he lifted you slightly upwards before slamming you back down. You almost screamed as he managed to brush against an especially sensitive spot. “Ja, that’s what I want to hear. Scream for me!”

With him essentially moving you up and down on his cock, you knew you didn’t stand a chance. You surrendered, allowing him to maneuver you. If anything, it was a welcome break for your thighs. Even so, you weren’t about to become completely passive. You continued to rake your nails down the front of his body, over those tense muscles that were beginning to tremble beneath your touch. You knew he was close to coming undone, and the thought filled you with a sense of pride, because you were doing this to him. Even though he was gripping your hips with enough force to bruise, it would still be you that would eventually make him come.

“You’re close aren’t you?” you asked between moans. Medic shuddered, stammering, as if he hadn’t expected the question, and the reaction made you laugh. “Oh, you definitely are. You’re so tense.” You ran your hands over his chest and down to his stomach before leaning in to whisper into his ear, delivering the finishing blow. “I want you to come for me. I want you to come inside me.”

“Gott, liebchen!” Medic moaned, bucking up into you even as he slammed your hips against his, filling the room with the lewd sounds of skin on skin. You leaned back, one of your hands sliding down your body until you could rub circles around your clit. You threw your head back, crying out as your orgasm washed over you. Medic followed almost immediately after, the feeling of you tightening around him finally driving him over the edge, letting out a low moan as he spilled into you with a few final, frantic thrusts.

When the initial euphoria subsided, you practically collapsed on top of him, completely unwilling to move. Your head came to rest on his chest and you could hear his pulse racing, along with the heavy rise and fall of his chest. Medic threw an arm over you, gently rubbing up and down your back. It wasn’t a gesture you expected, but it certainly wasn’t unwelcome either.

“God, I fucking hate you.” You said it out of pure habit at this point, but there was no real bite behind the words, not even a hint of malice. Medic actually seemed to take it as a compliment, reciprocating with a smirk.

“Likewise, liebchen.”

The irony of the situation was not lost on either of you, so casually declaring your hatred for one another while simultaneously cuddling up after a rough fucking. You weren’t sure which of you began laughing first, but soon you were both nearly in tears, the reality of how strange this scene was finally beginning to dawn upon you. But honestly, with all the other weird shit you had to deal with during your career as a mercenary, this might as well happen. Speaking of work…

“I hope you know that this doesn’t change anything,” you said, turning to look at Medic with a challenging smirk. “I’ll still fuck you up if we ever meet in battle again.”

You felt the vibrations of Medic’s laughter in his chest. “Of course.” He flashed a wide smile. It had just a touch of insanity to it. It was a look you had seen several times before, usually right before he plunged his weapon of choice between your ribs. “I wouldn’t have it any other way, fraulein.”

[gingerbeardmansim]

Later that afternoon, Rafe shared with Milo about meeting Min-Jun and that he invited him to join the chess club.

RAFE - "He seems really nice, and he was on the chess team at his old school, so he said he'd check it out for sure.

MILO - "Great, we need more people involved, and if our team is going to win any tournaments, we need some good players."

RAFE - "And he was asking about Rosa. I think he may have a crush on her. I told him he may want to avoid her. He doesn't seem like the type Rosa would want in her circle of friends."

About that time...

ROSA - "Milo, would you please excuse us, I need to talk to my brother for a minute."

MILO - Sure no problem, Rosa. Rafe, catch you later."

ROSA - "Lyric told me that she saw you talking to the new guy, Min..., something or other, I don't remember his name. What did you guys talk about?"

RAFE - "His name is Min-Jun Kim and he introduced himself to me. We talked about chess and he said he played. I told him about the chess club and told him to check it out. Why are you being so nasty about me talking to someone. I'm not like you, I like people."

ROSA - "Whatever, I have friends, more than you actually. If you forgot I am the president of the chess club, so he has to go through me to get in. He is a stalker. He was stalking me in the school chatroom this morning before school. There is no way he needs to be in the chess club. And furthermore, keep your opinions about me to yourself!"

Rafe had enough...

RAFE - "Rosa, I am sorry you think that it is all about you. I doubt very seriously he was stalking you. He seems like a nice guy, And, you may be the president of the chess club, but we ALL vote on applicants. He knows how to play and is apparently good. He won a district competition last year at Pleasantview High. That's definitely more than you have ever done."

"What I said about you was not bad at all. Believe me I could have said much worse. As far as what I think about you or my opinions of you, maybe you should take a good long look at the type of person you are, Rosa. I'm not the only one that thinks you are not a very nice person. You really need an attitude adjustment."

Whew... those two seriously have some issues!

[be-co-me]

Party Foul

Terushima Yuuji

A/N: I've had this in the works for two years now! I decided to finish it off tonight and will edit it later. Thank you all for being patient with me as I do write slowly. I have a LOT of things going on in my life between work and college, so I appreciate the patience!

5.6k Words

Summary: You meet the life of the party at your mundane coffee shop job on campus. You get invited to a party that takes an awry turn.

...

Your morning job at the most popular coffee house on campus proved useful as you needed money for your small time volleyball club, the money now going towards club tee shirts for rush week. The men's team was one of the most watched on campus, gaining trophy after trophy while your club hid in the shadows. It was a small time club, co-gendered, for the outcasts that couldn't be on a team and the men who didn't make it into the big leagues.

Your shift usually went from 6am to 12pm, and then you went to whatever classes the day brought on; volleyball club, and then home to binge watch whatever show sounded appealing at the time. Today was one of those busy days and hopefully tonight when you showed up to club, you'd be lucky enough to have a few more applicants. As of now there weren't very many people.

The morning shift was usually extremely slow. You served around ten people an hour, giving you time to slave away over your colossal amount of homework, occasionally serving coffees, teas, and pastries to sleep hungry patrons.

You were finally able to reserve the courts for your club to play. Usually the men's team ended up being deemed more important as their many upcoming tournaments required much more practice than usual, resulting in your club being kicked off of the court, late notice. Today you hadn't heard from the men's team's manager, therefore club tonight was still a go.

You leaned slackly onto the counter, daydreaming into your textbook, trying to finish whatever homework you could as early as possible. You'd like to think of yourself as a model student, a 3.75 GPA, only tainted by one extra credit assignment not submitted by your teacher in time, a last ditch effort to turn a B into an A. You were getting a master's degree, told that once you got your bachelor's, if you did well enough, they would pay for your master's degree and land you a job while you attended school.

A patient cough led you out of your daydreaming and you eyed the culprit in alarm.

"Sorry! Got kind of distracted there." you said possibly a little too loud, a nervous smile creeping its way onto your face.

"That's alright! We've all gotta find some time to do our homework anywhere that we can." he responded, a nervous smile laid across his lips as well, long fingers rubbing the back of his neck.

"Isn't that the truth? Anyways, what can I get for ya?" you asked, positioning yourself in front of the small outdated iPad deemed worthy of becoming a point of sales system.

He eyed the menu, seemingly wanting to stray from his usual order. After a few seconds of eyeing the menu, his eyes met yours.

"Um, I guess I'll have a cold brew please. And could you add some vanilla? And also oat milk instead of whole. Not a huge fan of milk." he said, a small laugh filling the otherwise silent air. His fingers continued brushing through to his hair.

"I'm not too big a fan of regular milk either. Oat milk is the best choice! Anything else for today?" you asked. His eyes, again, met yours for a few seconds, then glanced back to the menu. Your eyes lingered on his face, his attractiveness only now beginning to make itself known to you. His tongue peeked out between his lips, his tongue piercing making itself known as it clinked against his teeth. The feeling of butterflies began to pool warmly into your stomach.

His eyes met yours once again, his lips pursed almost as if he wanted to say something but wasn't sure if he had wanted to. It seemed he had finally decided to do so when his mouth opened again.

"Have you had a coffee yet? Or tea? It's quite early and you seem like you could use it." he said, hand removed from his hair, a long finger pointing towards your battered textbook.

Your eyes followed where he was pointing, meeting your textbook, before looking into his nervous ones again.

"I haven't yet, but I could always get one before heading off to class." you replied, waving off his question. Was he going to buy you one? He didn't have to do that. You could always make the excuse that you got them for free, so he didn't have to buy you one, but if your boss saw you taking a coffee, he would surely have an aneurysm. Then again, a hot stranger buying you coffee wasn't the worst your previously uneventful morning could go...

"Let me buy you one. I'm sure you could use it after working and also having class. It's my good deed of the day." he responded. Well... you'd be silly to not take him up on his offer. You responded with a nod.

"What would you like to get for me?" you asked. You didn't want to order your usual drink, while quite cheap and tasty, his drink of choice was a bit cheaper than your own. You wouldn't want to seem like you're high balling a coffee off of him. Especially after you've only just met.

"Get your usual. I'm sure you have one if you're working here." he responded, pointing around the coffee shop. You nodded, entering in your usual order, he insisted after all, also with an oat milk substitute.

"1468.36¥ please. (10.56 USD)" you said. He pushed a debit card across the counter and you picked it up, sliding it.

"Don't worry about the tip or anything. Just sign for me." you stated, turning around to make the coffees. You put extra attention into his own, more than the usual customer would get. You heard the small printer print it's usual slip of paper and he ripped it off, shoving it into his jacket pocket. Your poor attempt at "latte" art on the top of his coffee showed your attention and you slid it across the counter to him with the lid off so he could admire your work.

"Not too bad. I haven't had any art on my coffees yet, especially with the cold foam on top of the cold brew. I'd imagine that's pretty hard to do." he said.

"Yeah. It's a little difficult. A lot of popular coffee shops says it isn't possible, but you never know until you try." you said, the atmosphere's tension seeming to ease as your conversation went on. You exchanged a few more brief words with him before he eyed his watch, nearing 8:00, he shortened his goodbyes as he began his hasty rush to class, a "see you again" mixed into his sentence. You smiled.

Your eyes met the iPad he had signed on to see quite a hefty tip for a couple of coffees and a bit of guilt pooled into your stomach. You hadn't forced him to, even told him not to leave a tip, yet he had anyways. You smiled even wider, exiting out of the system before your eyes met your textbook once again, finishing off your reading assignment before your first class, sipping on your sloppily made coffee that you didn't put near as much attention into.

...

It was in your third class of the day, a large lecture hall full of people wishing they weren't forced to take a general biology course. You saw a blonde mop of hair, sipping on a coffee from the coffee shop, who looked eerily similar to the boy you had met this morning. Once he turned his head to ease into conversation with the boy next to him did you see it was, in fact, him. He was now rid of the jacket and scarf he had been wearing earlier in the morning.

You were sure you would have noticed someone like him before in class. You tended to sit in the back and observe. No heads could block your view of the board due to the raised level of your seat in the lecture hall, even if you did have to squint your eyes slightly to see the words.

His head cocked back to look behind him briefly and he turned to face forward again. Seconds later, though, his wide eyes met your own and he smiled brightly and waved towards your direction. You smiled and waved back, picking your coffee up so he could see it. He held a thumbs up.

"Terushima, can you please pay attention to the lecture?" the professor paused, and he abashedly turned to face the board, and you sunk behind your own laptop.

Once class had let out, as you packed your things, you noticed he had stayed behind, making his way up the steps through the throngs of people, to where you were seated. You made eye contact with him when he finally had made it a few feet away.

You stood, throwing your backpack over your shoulder, and walked out of class with him, throwing your now empty coffee cup into the recycling bin. You walked in silence for some time before he finally spoke.

"So... What are your plans after your classes for the day?" he asked. You stopped walking once you made it outside, his tall stature keeping the sun out of your eyes.

"I have club tonight. If we don't get kicked out of the gym again that is. But I haven't heard anything yet." you responded with a shrug of your shoulders. You were really hopeful that this week you could get a couple of games in as you hadn't had the chance to play for nearly three weeks.

"Why would you be kicked out of the gym?" he asked, shifting his weight onto his other leg.

"Well, I run a small volleyball club, because the women can't have an official team and the men who still want to play, but don't make it on the official team, join this club. We get kicked off the court pretty often when the official men's team has tournaments coming up though. I admire their persistence, but I want to play as well." you said. His mouth was slightly agape and his eyes had slightly widened at your comment.

"They really kick you off?" he asked, leaning ever so slightly closer to you. He sounded guilty.

"Yeah. But like I said, I admire their perseverance to win and play. I'm a little jealous of it in fact. I wish I could go to an actual tournament and play at some point in college. I wish they'd allow our team to." you told him. He nodded, quiet again for a few moments.

"I could maybe work something out for you. You said you have a meeting tonight right?" he asked, a sly smile finding his lips. You nodded.

"Can I come play too?" he asked. You shrugged, nodding once more.

"Sure, anyone can come try it out. We need some more people anyways. You'd do well since you're tall. You could block and spike. I bet you'd be good at that. Do you have any experience?" And that was the question to start it all.

"Let's just say, I've played a bit." he responded, that sly grin fully at its wake now.

...

Your meet up location was in the coffee shop, once your classes had all let up and he finished whatever his day brought to him, at 6pm. You rushed through the small plaza leading into the cafeteria's colossal range of fast foods and drinks, pulling the heavy glass door open.

You walked into the coffee shop area, giving a quick wave to your coworker once her eyes met yours. She returned an excited wave. You looked around the many patrons sitting amongst the many tables, scanning for the same mop of sandy hair.

You heard a whistle and looked towards it, your eyes meeting his. He smiled and waved you over. His sturdy frame leaned against a pole, discarding his cell phone into his jacket pocket.

"Wanna get anything to eat or drink before we go play?" he asked. You shrugged.

"If you want to. I ate a little while ago, so I'm not really all that hungry. If you'd like, I can repay you for this morning." you responded.

"I'm all good if you are. Maybe after we play we can." he stated, readjusting his bag onto his shoulder. You nodded, beginning your trek to the gym. It was about a six to eight minute walk through the large campus and you chatted idly about your boring bio lecture on the way.

You told him what your major was, and you were sort of excited to hear he had gone into a master's degree program as well. Even better though, you were both in the same year.

You opened the door to the old gym and pushed it further open behind you for him to enter. You walked through the hallway and into the gym, setting your things down onto the stage.

"Wanna help me put the net up?" you asked. No one from club had arrived yet as it was still a bit early. Club didn't start until 7.

"Yeah! I'll help you out." he responded. You walked to the other side of the gym, going to the supply room, which held the cart containing everything you would need to put up the net.

You pulled a heavy pole off of the cart, him doing the same as you anchored it into it's designated slot in the floor. You looked up as he did the same, making sure the pole was adjusted to the correct height. You then grabbed the net together, unfolding it and lining it up on either side and attaching it to the poles. You tightened it and looked up to make sure he didn't need any help. He did it perfectly.

You quickly attached the safety pads and the antenna, the doors revealing the first patrons to show up to your club. Hopefully everyone would show up tonight. You didn't have a coach either so it was really left to you. You quickly ran back to the storage room, grabbing the ball cart and pushing it onto the court. At least you had a ball cart.

You grabbed a few of the balls and began tossing them to the club members so they could warm up, together or in their lonesome. There was still fifteen minutes before club actually started. You grabbed one for yourself and eyed Terushima.

"Wanna warm up together?" you asked. He nodded, and you took your place across from him bumping and setting the ball across the court from each other. He was good at it and you began to get suspicious.

Eventually, it came time to start club. You had twenty people including yourself and Terushima, definitely better than the ten or so that usually showed up. You hoisted yourself onto the stage, whistling to gain everyone's attention.

"Welcome everyone! I'm excited to see we have more people joining us this evening. I was thinking today that we would split off into separate teams and play a few games. I know we haven't seen each other in quite a while, so definitely warm up first, but go ahead and pair up into teams. We should have three teams of six and one of five which I will join, pick your positions carefully." you finished, hopping off of the stage, watching as everyone paired up.

You began to practice and warm up with Terushima. You reflected on how interesting your day had become since he walked into the coffee shop that morning. Usually your day consisted of the same old things and it got quite boring, quite fast.

"So when did you start playing?" he piped up, setting the ball towards you.

"Well, probably towards the end of high school is when I got pretty interested in sports and playing volleyball, but I wasn't great. I made it onto the team but was pretty much a permanent bench warmer." you laughed, passing the ball back towards his direction.

"I'd say you play pretty well for pretty much a newbie." he responded. You set the ball towards him, a question brewing in your mind. Maybe you could get some answers to your suspicions.

"When did you start playing?" you asked in return. Now that you thought about it, you hadn't shown him how to do anything at all. He pretty much jumped straight in.

"Since grade school. I've been a fan of it since then." he responded. You passed the ball quietly back and forth until you were warmed up, everyone beginning to gather into their selected groups. Terushima, of course, was on your team.

"Alright, two teams to a court of course" you told them, everyone picking a court to play on. You could really jump into playing whenever you wanted. You set your team up and got ready to play. You always played back row and developed your skills in defense and setting quite well over the few years you have played. The role of libero fit you well.

Terushima started off with serving the ball and seeing the serve fly over the net was insane. You didn't know someone could serve a ball like that. You were scared, but also excited at the thought of possibly being on the receiving end at some point. The same surprise arose again when he spiked, completely clearing the blockers on the opposing team.

"What is up with you? You're really good at this." you asked. What was he hiding from you?

"Oh... I'm on the men's team." he responded, a little too casually. You stood in awe and bewilderment before responding.

"Why wouldn't you tell me that?!" his eyes met your own and he smiled, shrugging his shoulders. You continued playing and won the game by a landslide, the same events occurring until you finished your allotted time for the club. A bruise making its way onto your arms after receiving one of his spikes.

After some iffy fast food you ate ate the cafeteria, you parted ways. You had the same lecture together daily, so you were sure you would see him again.

...

The next morning, whilst you didn't have to work at the coffee shop, you still ran late to your lecture. Ten minutes late in fact. You hadn't been late before, but you fell asleep at your desk doing homework and missed your first two classes.

You were terrified to go into the lecture, around eighty people would stare at you as you walked shamefully to the back of the lecture hall. You wish you had stopped for a coffee if you were already going to be late anyways.

You huffed a deep breath, heaving the lecture hall door open as quietly as possible, making eye contact with your professor. You sheepishly walked through the lecture hall as quickly as you could. You felt as if everyone was staring, when in reality, they could absolutely care less than to spare a glance at you.

You looked up as you neared your seat and Terushima's widened eyes met your own. You smiled, your cheeks a bit red from the embarrassment, and sat in your seat. You quickly took your laptop out and pulled up the material the class was currently on.

About five minutes later, Terushima shuffled up to the vacant seat in front of your own. He donned two coffees on his desk, one eerily resembling your usual. Your suspicions were confirmed when he placed it on your desk. You gawked at him.

"I didn't think you'd show up." he said. You leaned down so you could hear him better and he could hear your own words.

"I fell asleep at my desk doing homework and didn't set an alarm." you whispered. Your eyes met the coffee now sitting on your desk. "Thank you for the coffee. You didn't have to do that. How'd you remember my order anyways? I never told it to you." you told him.

He pulled a receipt from his pocket and you realized when he paid he had gotten a copy of it and your order was printed neatly onto it. You looked up and the professor's stern eyes met your own. You slowly leaned back into your chair, picking the coffee up and hiding behind your laptop for the remainder of the lecture.

...

After lecture, you asked Terushima for the notes you had missed, catching up at the coffee shop with the coffees he had bought that morning. Once you finished, you really didn't know what to do for the rest of the day.

"So, uh..." Terushima said, his hand brushing behind his neck. "My fraternity is having a party tonight and if you aren't doing anything you're invited. It's pretty much your usual frat party, but we have a sand court and a pool so it'll probably be pretty big." he blurted out, awaiting your response.

You thought for a second. You didn't have any homework tonight, it was Thursday and you didn't have any classes or work tomorrow, and you really didn't have any plans for the evening.

You shrugged your shoulders. "Yeah, I'll go." you responded. He smiled, spouting out the details of the party.

You began to get antsy and excited. What would you wear? Did you have any swimsuits that weren't dingy? You didn't really swim besides with your family. What alcohol would you bring? Did you need to bring any at all?

You swooped into the liquor store on the corner of the street your apartment was on, picking up a twelve pack of whatever you had seen everyone raging about lately. You needed to contribute something.

You then burst into your apartment, telling your roommate it was all hands on deck and you needed to find something cute to wear, but also comfy as you were sure you would end up playing some volleyball.

Once you settled on your clothes, you found yourself in front of your mirror, the makeup you had previously applied quite faded. If it was a party where you would swim, should you wear any makeup? Would it look like you were trying too hard? Maybe a small amount that looked natural? You settled on that and quickly swiped some on.

You then came to your hair, scrolling through Pinterest for some cute hairstyles. Your roommate offered some help and settled on something half up half down. Your roommate looked at he master work and gave you a thumbs up. You eyed the time on your phone. You had thirty minutes before the party technically started.

You decided you would walk there instead of driving. You weren't one to drink much, but also hadn't been to a campus party besides something small for Halloween the prior year. You scrolled your phone as you walked through campus, making your way to the aforementioned fraternity house. Before rounding the street corner, you could already hear music blaring.

You walked to the front door, already open from the people who entered before you and eyed around. You texted Terushima, who had given you his number to send you the notes. A few minutes later, you eyed him shoving through the crowd and making his way to you. You smiled and stuffed your phone into your pocket.

"Finally made it. What'd you bring?" he asked, pointing to the twelve pack in your hand. You hoisted it up so he could get a better look. "Just whatever was popular. I've been wanting to try these anyways." you responded. He took them from your hands.

"Let's put them in the refrigerator so they stay cold. I'll show you around the house." he responded. You followed him, staying close behind and bumped shoulders with a few people, muttering apologies they didn't seem to hear over the music.

You fished a drink out of the box before putting them away, Terushima already sporting a bottle of some domestic beer. He gave you a run down tour of the three story house. It was nicer than you thought a fraternity house would be. You imagined a nasty house, as you'd heard many of the other fraternities had donned. You thankfully hadn't seen them in person.

He introduced you to a few of the fraternity members, who were all on the volleyball team. Then it was time to let loose a little bit.

You followed him around the party, meeting new people and seeing some familiar faces, from the coffee shop, classes, or just in general around campus. You bobbed to the music next to his side, sipping the drink you had occasionally.

You meandered to the pool area outside, which looked like it would sit behind a mansion. You wondered how a fraternity could manage to get such a nice pool. You'd have to ask about it later.

You were now brought into Terushima's conversation, being introduced to some of his team and fraternity members. You dodged people running or simply passing by as the pool took up much of the outside area, there wasn't much walking room.

The night mostly continued as such until Terushima had made his way to a patio chair next to the pool, sitting down. You did the same on the one across from him. They sat quite close to the edge. You would have to see if you could come over and work on your tan a bit.

"Having a fun time so far?" he asked. You nodded, taking another sip of your drink, gazing around the back patio.

"This is a nice house! Most of the fraternity houses are pretty nice, but you guys keep this one pretty clean." you responded. He chuckled at the comment, taking a swig of his own drink. You had to admit, this was a pretty fun party.

"Wanna dip your feet in the pool? It should feel pretty nice after sitting in the sun all day." he asked. You nodded and moved to follow him to the pool. The lights inside orbed rainbow colors as it was now night time. This house just got cooler and cooler the more you noticed of it.

You both stepped towards the edge of the pool, getting ready to sit and remove your shoes, but before your feet could touch the water, you felt a hard push from behind. Your eyes widened and you let out a surprised screech, reaching out to Terushima and trying to grab ahold of him, but to no avail, he was headed towards the water as fast as you were.

You didn't even have time to remove your phone and other things from you pockets before you hit the water with a large splash. Water rushed into your nose and mouth as you inhaled trying to shout about your phone. You were fully submerged. Your make up, your electronics, your clothes, your shoes.

You felt two strong arms envelope you and you were suddenly breaking the surface of the water, coughing once oxygen hit your lungs. You felt yourself being lugged quickly to the edge of the pool as you rubbed at your eyes to try and catch a glimpse of the person who knocked you in.

Terushima lifted you out of the pool to sit on the edge. You continued to cough, finally able to breathe normally. You weren't under long thanks to him. Once you could see, you caught a glimpse of his irritated expression as he scanned the crowd of staring people.

"Who knocked us in? Who was running along the edge?" he asked. The crowd was silent. No one spoke up. But the wide eyes of the girl a couple feet away gave you your answer and your eyes met her own. She had quite the grip on this boy's hand that seemed to be pulling her along. She didn't knock you in, he did.

"It's not a big deal. I'm sure it was just an accident. A little water doesn't hurt!" you said, touching his shoulder gingerly. His eyes met yours and after a few seconds of what seemed like contemplation, he pushed himself out of the pool to rest on the edge next to you. After a minute, things seemed to turn back to normal.

"Hey, can you go grab us some towels?" he asked one of the pledges. The boy nodded and did as he was told. After a couple of minutes, the boy returned with two fluffy, olive green towels. You took one and thanked the boy, wiping yourself off and blotting at your face to maybe salvage whatever makeup had survived.

You kinda laughed about the situation.

"What?" Terushima asked, a smirk settling across his own face.

Your laugh deepened.

"Nothing, it's just kinda funny. You went all Mr. Serious-pants." you said in a silly voice. That got a hearty chuckle out of him.

"Here. Let's dry off and go get some new drinks." he said. You nodded and he stood up, offering his hand to help you. You took it and finished drying off.

You followed him to the same kitchen you had left your drinks before and he grabbed one out of the box you had brought, the same flavor you had been drinking on before. You thanked him.

You returned to the same spot next to the pool, sitting carefully this time. You continued to talk until the party died down, many people leaving as it was now the very early hours of the morning. You had stopped drinking not long ago as to walk home. You were pretty much dry now.

"Well, class tomorrow doesn't seem as great as our conversation, but we do still have to go. Need a ride?" he asked. You shook your head.

"It's okay. I can just walk. It isn't too far." you responded, standing up and wiping yourself off. He shook his head.

"Nope. I'm not letting you walk this late. Put your shoe son and follow me." he said. You nodded and kind of shrugged your shoulders. It was nice to not have to walk and maybe continue your conversation. Once your shoes were on, you did as he said, following him up the stairs and into what seemed to be his room.

You took note of the musky woodsy smell of the candle lit on the desk in the corner. Plants, books, coordination. It actually looked quite neat and put together in his room. The bed was made, no mess on the floor. You were even more impressed.

"Nice room." you said, leaning on the doorframe as he made his way to a bag hooked onto his desk chair and he fumbled through it, a pair of keys emerging from it.

"Thanks! I like it. I think it's the best room in the house. It's the biggest too." he responded. He blew the candle out and shut the light off. You followed him out and he closed the door, and you trekked downstairs.

He unlocked the door to his car, opening the passenger side and you got in. He jogged around the front, getting in and buckling himself in.

"Seatbelt." he said. You put it on and he started the engine up. He did the thing. Where he puts his hand around to your seat in order to reverse. You liked that thing. A lot. You smiled at the gesture as he began to drive forwards.

You continued your earlier conversation, occasionally peppering directions into the mix. It was about a four minute drive. He parked next to your car, which you chose not to drive because the afternoon was nice.

"Well. The night ends here I guess." he said. You nodded your head in silence.

"I realized I never got your number." he said, shuffling on his phone and handing you it, an empty contacts page pulled up. You typed your information in and handed the phone back to him. He smiled and locked it, setting the phone in his lap. You didn't really know what to do. You had such a fun time with him and didn't want it to necessarily end yet.

Soft fingers pulled you out of your trance, grazing your cheek and lightly pushing your face to his direction. He looked into your eyes and you just knew it was an invitation to kiss him. And you took it.

It didn't go much farther than that, but you laughed with each other and got out of the car, closing the door and walking over to his open window. You pecked his lips one more time, walking to the sidewalk in front of your door and waving at him.

"Let's do this again!" he shouted, waving. You nodded.

"Of course we will!" you responded. You waved again as he backed away, typing your code into your door. You put your things away and changed into pajamas, making a quick snack.

You picked your phone off of your couch and opened it, an unknown number popping up.

'Coffee tomorrow morning before class. 7:30. It's on me sweetness.' it read. You chuckled and responded.

'Better remember my favorite.'

[exsequar]

August 18 is my birthday. I feel like I need to say something about this year of my life... and this is the closest I have to a blog. Pull up a chair.

Tonight I stood on the roof of my beautiful modern apartment building, in the most vivacious neighborhood of Seattle, gazing at the panoramic view of the downtown skyline, Space Needle, mountains and water and the rolling hills, all backlit by a softly electric sunset, listening to my gorgeous and sweet neighbor working shirtless on his bike behind me, and reflected on what a fucking year it's been.

Tomorrow I turn 36. One year ago, I thought I would never be happy again.

This 36th year of life, a perfect square as I am fond of pointing out, has been anything but perfect and certainly nothing so predictable as a square. But as I sprint across the finish line, proudly taking the trophy that declares I Survived Thirty-Six, I am deeply grateful for how this year has shaped me and set me on course for the life I want... for the first time ever.

One year ago, I was at the nadir of a monthslong spiral of anxiety and depression. The night of August 18, 2022, I did not sleep one wink, despite attempting many substance interventions, because my soul was so wrought with torment and guilt and fear. And this was a new experience for me; I had had low points before, but absolutely nothing even resembling this black hole that felt impossible to escape. I won't go into why, but suffice to say there was one new toxic ingredient in my life that had slowly devoured my happiness, my confidence, and my hope. I couldn't see a path out.

Then... slowly, then abruptly, things began to change.

In September, I decided to look for a new job, to change at least one variable and cut out some toxicity. With what felt like shocking speed, interview offers started coming in after just four taster applications. After a brief interview process, I was astonished to find myself in a new job much closer to home, joining a team that included one of my favorite past coworkers.

In October, I took a couple weeks off to try to gain my footing before starting my new job, and traveled home to see family. During these two weeks, I suddenly learned that my landlords were renovating my building and I was being kicked out from my apartment of four years (with 6 months to move out). I quickly recovered from my shock, went on one round of apartment visits in the coolest area in town right near my new office, fell in love with the third building I saw, and signed a lease within a week. Importantly, around the same time, a huge element of the toxic drain on my life became suddenly much, much better, which started to free me from that suffocating weight. Additionally, the relentless, deeply kind support of some close friends finally started to lift me out of the darkness. (You know who you are, I love you.)

On Halloween, 2022, I started my new job. I instantly hit it off with the other two women on my team. The third day, I tested positive for COVID - IN the office! No longer a COVID virgin, I slunk home to do my various new hire trainings in quarantine.

In November, I bought an e-bike to use for my new 1.5 mile commute. I immediately loved being back on two wheels and frequently commuted by bike even in the grey Seattle winter.

Two days before Christmas, 2022, I moved into my new apartment. I shed most of my furniture, many belongings, and started from a beautiful almost blank slate. My new place has the aforementioned roof with panoramic views, huge windows, and all kinds of amenities I didn't have before (a dishwasher!!!!!! laundry!!!!! being mid-thirties is losing your shit over in-unit laundry).

I traveled home for the holidays and had a wonderful break.

January 2023, I began preparing for the biggest fucking trip of my whole entire life. To ANTARCTICA. Yes, you heard that right. I began preparing for an EXPEDITION to ANTARCTICA. For FUN. I still can hardly believe it myself. My friend had invited me in Dec 2021 to join a trip to Antarctica in March 2022, but omicron kiboshed that, and I think the universe knew I needed this to happen in 2023. That I would be just emerging from The Great Dark, and what a better place to beckon me forward than the White Continent?

January, February, and March all felt like a frenzy of preparation. I continued to learn and grow more happy and confident at my new job, growing ever closer to mhy awesome little team, but all the while my mind was floating among the icebergs and penguins.

March. Two days before I was supposed to leave for Chile, the first part of my trip, I tested positive for COVID. IN MY OFFICE. AGAIN!!!

After a brief bout of despair, I ended up getting paxlovid, moving my flight back a week (for $1000 extra ;_;), and joining my friend and her mom in Argentina instead.

March 20, 2023, I set sail aboard the m/v Plancius for Antarctica. What followed was the most deeply spectacular, yet also the most deeply healing, two weeks of my life. I don't know how to summarize it. I felt true peace for the first time... certainly in a year, but in what felt like decades. Possibly forever. I was soul-happy. It's the only way I can describe it.

I landed back home on April 5.

On April 6, my company was hit by a massive cyber attack. Yay!!!!?

The next few months were a chaotic scramble of new experiences and creativity. But through it all, my team only grew closer, and the uncharted territory was in some ways an exciting challenge that only enhanced my sense of feeling alive.

The peace I felt in Antarctica came home with me and spread through my life in waves. I began doing things for joy, and getting my body out moving in the world. I had quickly fallen back in love with biking, so I started looking for groups to ride with and began joining free bike rides all over the county as often as I could. I met delightful people on every ride. I bought a second bike that would be zippier and easier to tote around. I bought a new car that would let me carry around this second bike more easily. I joined a summer rec soccer league, biking to a local field to play under the setting summer sun every Friday, and met some of the fabulous queer folks in my new neighborhood. I watched halftime drag shows on artificial turf. I started feeling physically healthier to match my sense of my soul healing. I laughed all the time.

August 18, 2023 starts in less than an hour. Today, the penultimate day of my 36th year, I worked and laughed with my team for the morning. I flirted with a darling guy in my building, who I have been lightly flirting with for months, for over an hour. I went to the farmers market outside our office and bought beautiful berries from the handsome farmer who loves his bees so much. I picked up an order of fantastic cookies, an early self-gift. I took my new car for a fun new type of car wash (the car sits still and the washing robot arms move around us??). I called my dad. My best friend of nearly 2 decades asked if she could call and we talked for over an hour. I went home to my kitties. I played Stardew Valley and listened to my favorite music. I finished a spectacular audiobook (Strong Female Character by Fern Brady, a memoir of growing up an autistic girl with no diagnosis, and getting diagnosed in middle age). I went to the store to pick up ingredients for my favorite birthday cake that my dad always made for me when I was a kid.

I climbed up to the roof, where my handsome neighbor was quietly and shirtlessly fixing his bike, and gazed out over the gorgeous deep red horizon.

I didn't quite cry. My eyes stung softly as I bit my lip and smiled. Yes. This is where I want to be.

And I can't wait to see what 37 - a prime number, harder to come by as we age - has in store.

[eryiss]

[Jet x Freed] Cubicle Capers - Chapter Seven

Summary: Jet was meant to do more. He was meant to do something with his degree. He was meant to have a purpose. He'd taken a job at Grimoire Pharmaceuticals to work his way up into a lab position, but found himself stuck in a cubicle. Every day the same. At least he had a new boss coming. Freed Justine. He’d be like the rest, though. Boring, outdated and.. hot as hell?

Notes: We're nearing the end, and it’s time to give Jet something he really deserves. What that thing is is up to you. Again, this was requested by @jethro-art.

Links: Ao3, Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Epilogue

Chapter Seven – The Phone Call

Jet

Jet lowered his phone, placing it on Freed's coffee table slowly and gently. He looked at it for a moment, eyes unblinking and heart hammering in his chest. That hadn't just happened. That phone call couldn't have been real. He hadn't just been told that, had he?

Slowly, he lifted his gaze towards Freed, who was bustling about the kitchen, cooking them their dinner. Jet had stepped into the bedroom to take the call – he didn't want Freed listening in when the inevitable happened, after all – so Freed had no idea what had just happened. He had no idea that Jet's life had been completely upended. But maybe he felt the weight of Jet's gaze, because he turned, and his face twisted in concern.

"What's wrong?" Freed asked, stepping out from the kitchen.

"There's something I haven't told you," Jet started, which was probably the worst way to start the conversation. Freed looked guarded, and Jet was quick to amend. "It's not a bad thing. Not anymore. It could have been but-"

"Jet," Freed moved Jet to the sofa. "Tell me."

"Okay, so, I'm not exactly subtle about the fact I hate my job, right. I know you're my boss and I've never said that to you because it's weird to say, but I don't exactly keep it a secret," Jet began, speaking faster than his thoughts had time to deal with. "Well, there's this website, you see. It's mainly for people just leaving college, but there's no age limit and I used to go on there and pretend that one day I'd apply but I never actually thought I'd do it."

"Apply to what?"

"They have these internships. That's what it is, a place for college grads to get into universities, or research teams, or whatever. They get your foot in the door in the science world," Jet took a breath. "There was this application I saw a month ago. There's this microbial lab across the state and they were offering a handful of paid internships – lab work and research work – and I applied. I don't know why I did it, but last week when you were on that corporate retreat thing, I had this phone interview and I thought I fucked it up because, well, it's me, and-"

"Jet," Freed spoke with a firm tone, placing his hands on top of Jet's. "Can I make a guess at how this ends, and assume that you've just been offered a job working in a lab?"

"An internship," Jet was quick to amend.

Freed laughed, at it was the slightest bit sad. "One day, I hope you see yourself as you actually are," he whispered. Jet wanted to ask what that meant, but Freed didn't seem to need prompting. "Darling, you've just been told that you've been accepted for what seems to be your dream job, and you're worrying about my response and minimalizing your accomplishment. I just wish you knew that you should be shouting this from the rooftops and bragging to anyone who'll listen."

"Well, I don't know if it's my dream job-"

"If you take this job, every morning you're going to walk into a laboratory. You're going to be working side by side with experts who have made the choice to invite you into their world. You'll spend your day working with microscopes and pipettes, and stop sniggering at my lack of knowledge on how labs actually work," Freed scolded gently. Jet didn't stop his grin. Pipettes. Adorable. "My point is, I want you to take a moment. Forget me, and your job at the office, and any other outside forces for a moment. Just imagine what your day would be like if you take this job."

With Freed looking at him so sincerely, Jet had to do as he was told. So, he thought about it. What it would be like to pull up into the parking lot. What it would be like to walk into a lab every morning. What it would be like to do work he cared about. What it would be like to have colleagues who cared about their work. What it would be like to come home with good stories from work.

That was the moment it actually hit him. That it was possible to do this and to live well. "Holy shit."

"Tell me," Freed whispered encouragingly.

"I'm gonna be a lab tech," Jet said, trying out the words before speaking again, louder. "I'm gonna be a motherfucking lab tech!"

"Yes, you are," Freed nodded.

Jet looked at him and saw an expression of open delight on Freed's face. No judgment, no condescension, no betrayal. Of course there wasn't. He'd been with Freed for nearly a year now and not once had he been anything but supportive. Jet should have told him the moment he applied for the job, but honestly, he had thought it wouldn't pan out. That he'd be rejected, and he'd have to tell Freed that he'd failed at yet another thing he wanted. But he hadn't failed. He'd gotten the job. He'd done it.

He all but pounced on Freed, straddling his lover and kissing the hell out of him. Freed might have been expecting it, or maybe he was always ready, because his hands were a grounding presence on Jet's waist a moment later. Firm and steady and exactly what Jet needed. Freed was always what Jet needed.

"Love you," Jet whispered. "Wouldn't have been able to do it without you."

Freed's grasp on his waist tightened, digging into him. "Stop diminishing your achievements."

"Make me," Jet grinned, and Freed's eyes darkened.

"You're very tedious sometimes," Freed said as if it were the highest compliment he could bestow. Jet just grinned. "You know, given the situation, perhaps some sort of treat is in order. Something to mark the occasion," Freed ground his hips up in a slow, sensual movement. Jet felt a little shiver, just from the fact Freed' could so easily move him that way. "Any specific requests you might have, Darling?"

Jet found his gaze falling to a small, scented candle on the coffee table. With red face and twitching cock, he admitted, "There might be something."

———

Freed

It was always wonderful to see Jet bound to his bed, spread eagle with ropes pulled tight enough to have Jet stretching out. It couldn't have been comfortable, but that's what Jet wanted and what Freed loved to do. Seeing that tight, firm, powerful body completely helpless, was simply charming. As was the scowl on Jet's face as Freed walked around the bed again.

Yes, maybe he was dragging this out. Maybe he'd tied Jet up a good ten minutes ago, and hadn't touched him yet. Maybe he'd toyed with the idea of leaving his charming lover bound and gagged alone for as long as he pleased. But Jet liked it, the straining, twitching hard-on bouncing against his stomach was testament to that. And, through simple logical conclusion, Freed needed to wait long enough for the candles to start melting before they could begin.

Wax play. Jet had never mentioned it before. Freed was happy to indulge the fantasy.

"That's not a very pretty face for a man who's having quite a few of his dreams made true today," Freed commented, standing over Jet. "Why don't you give me a smile, hm?"

"Go fuck yourself," Jet grunted, and Freed did love so how rude Jet got when they played.

"Temper," Freed quelled. "Perhaps you'd like to repeat that."

Before Jet could speak, Freed took Jet's right nipple between his fingernails and pinched it hard, relentless, and vicious. Jet let out a shuddery groan, and Freed stared him down, twisting his grip slowly. "Told you to fuck yourself. You ain't wearing clothes in any of my dreams. Starting to hate that fucking suit. And the fucking watch. Who wears a damn rolex during sex?"

"Gentlemen of good taste, of course," Freed smirked down at Jet's angry expression. "Keep looking like that and I'll have to get the ball-gag. Then even your expressions will be mine to play with."

"Asshole," Jet muttered.

"Intentionally so, too," Freed agreed.

He moved slowly, not wanting to take his eyes off the paragon of male perfection before him. Jet's firm, slim abs and defined chest rose and fell with every breath, and Freed would have loved to take a crop to him. Jet was submission personified, but his personality remained. A cocksure, arrogant, wonderfully generous man who simply wanted to feel the burn of hot wax on his chest. What more could a low-level sadist ask for?

Freed lifted one of the seven candles that were flickering on the side table, and walked over to Jet. He looked down, seeing tense anticipation flickering over Jet's face. He'd never done this before, he'd confessed that, but it had been a dark fantasy he'd never felt safe enough to indulge. Freed, evidently, had changed that.

Illuminated only by the candlelight, Freed raised the candle over Jets chest, positioning it very intentionally over Jet's nipple. He slowly, tauntingly tipped the candle, watching as droplets of wax started to form on the rim, not quite falling yet.

Until, eventually, they did.

Jet jerked against his bounds, bit his lower lip and let out a pained whine. He bucked his hips up a bit and tried to get his breath under control as he acclimatised to hot wax on one of the most sensitive parts of his body. Freed looked down at him with an indulgently nasty smile; relishing his lover's pain and the determination to endure it.

Slowly and wordlessly, he moved the candle to hover above Jet's other nipple, little drops of wax peppering his chest as he did so. He made sure to gather a nice big droplet before letting it fall on Jet's other nipple, laughing lowly as Jet grabbed the ropes around his wrists and pulled on them. As if that would help. Adorable.

He reached for another candle, which had a lovely pool of wax gathering now. He stood at the foot of the bed, staring Jet down. With careful movements, Freed crawled onto the bed, between Jet's legs, and held the candle over Jet's cock and balls. Jet had to strain his neck to see, and his eyes widened in that perfectly pliant and anticipatory way they always did when he knew pain was coming. Freed remembered the first time he saw that look, just before he gave Jet's ass a thrashing with the cat o' nine tails. It was still intoxicating.

Mercilessly, Freed upended the candle, letting nearly all the hot wax fall onto Jet's balls, which were pulled up tight. Jet screamed at that, and Freed relished it. Jet had such a pretty scream.

"Fuck," Jet panted, writhing and trying to escape the pain as it slithered slowly down his nuts. "Fuck. Fuck."

"Maybe later. I'm not finished yet."

With another candle, Freed let large drops of wax pepper the shaft of Jet's long cock, and each drop was accompanied with a groan, whine, yell or curse. That was one of Freed's favourite things about Jet. He loved the pain that Freed gave him but wasn't accustomed to it. He wasn't numb to it. It still hurt, and he couldn't hide that or fake it.

"Do you know what the most wonderful thing about wax play is, Jet?" Freed asked, standing again and reaching for another candle. "The inevitability of the ending."

He started to paint Jet's firm, toned, biteable thighs with wax. Jet thrashed, but his eyes sang of a man in heaven.

"At some point, you're going to cum," Freed continued. "All the adrenaline and lust and dirty little thoughts running through your head are going to fade away, leaving you naked, bound, covered in wax and cum. At some point, that wax is going to have to go. Have to be ripped off your skin. And that's going to hurt, I'll be sure of it."

With another candle, with the brightest of flames, Freed began to pour the wax over Jet's abs. He relished the sight of the thick, burning liquid sliding down the lines of his muscular stomach. Jet's cock was pointing upwards now, precum leaking and merging with the wax dripping down onto his balls.

"And when that happens, all the horny thoughts and distractions will be gone. You'll be left with the pain in a sober mind. You'll endure every bit of that wax being ripped off of you, pulling at your skin and ripping out any hair. It'll be agonising and, I expect for a prideful man such as yourself, a little humiliating too," Freed placed the candle down, leant down and pressed a slow kiss onto Jet's lips. His eyes were wet, fearful, and desperate. Lovely. "And that's going to be very fun for me to watch."

"Fucker."

"Hm. Yes I am."

Freed moved slowly, returning to the foot of the bed without a candle in hand. He crawled between Jet's legs with a mischievous and devilish expression and took the base of Jet's cock in hand. With a single movement, he wiped down all the wax, so it clung to Jet's balls and his shaft was clean.

"Ready, Darling?"

"Fuck you."

That was Jet's way of whining and begging for it, and Freed knew confirmation when he heard it.

Without elegance nor smoothness, Freed took Jet's cock in his mouth and sucked. He heard and watched as Jet groaned, his body rising from the bed as best he was able in the bonds. Freed would smirk if he could, but he had a task to do. He'd sucked Jet's cock before, of course, but tonight had to be better. Jet had done something wonderful, and then had let himself be vulnerable with his fantasies. He deserved perfection, and Freed would give him that.

Jet's cock was larger than most, and Freed would put money he'd never been deep throated before. Time to change that.

Freed kept pushing, feeling his throat pushing against the size of Jet's cock. He coughed and spluttered a little, but the wondrous whines of total pleasure Jet didn't care to hold back were enthusiasm enough. His nose pressed against wax matted pubes, and Freed looked up at Jet with danger in his eyes.

Without warning, Freed started to move his head up and down, sucking Jet to the root again and again. Sounds of mingled pleasure and pain filled the room, and it was all Freed could do not to reach into his boxers and jerk off like a teenager. Christ, he loved how vocal Jet was.

He sucked and sucked, and Jet was a sweating, cursing, needy mess above him. He was boneless and thoughtless and exactly where Freed wanted him, at his mercy.

Jet lived for this, and Freed knew it. He knew the fire that was set inside of Jet when Freed took control. He knew that Jet had never been cherished and fucked and ruined the way he was always destined to be. He knew that it was a goddamn privilege to dominate Jet and to be the man sucking his cock, and dammit he would do anything he damn well could to make Jet's life even slightly better.

An incomprehensible spluttering of sounds came from Jet, and Freed knew what was coming. He opened his throat as best he could and felt hot spurts of cum hit him. He pulled back just enough so they could land on his tongue, relishing the taste of his man's spunk.

Damn; Jet had really made him lean into his dirty side, hadn't he? Thank God for that.

Once he'd milked every second of pleasure out of Jet, he removed his mouth and smirked up at Jet, letting a few drops of cum drip down from his mouth in a filthy act. Jet was looking at him like he hung the moon and, well, Freed would have to let that boost his ego a little.

Standing, Freed began to work on the binds that kept Jet in place. He started with his wrist ties, watching was firm satisfaction as Jet rubbed at the coarse indents around his wrists. He made quicker works on the rope around Jet's ankles, watching carefully as Jet shook out his limbs. He seemed fine, if a little exhausted, which Freed saw as an undeniable win.

"I'm going to run you a bath and we'll get the wax off of you," Freed said, firm but gentle.

"Thought you wanted to rip it off?"

"That was fantasy, this is reality," Freed said as he handed Jet a glass of water he'd prepared before they began. As he pulled out some tissues from the dresser and cleaned down Jet's flaccid cock. "Once we're out of the bath, of which there's no rush to do, I'm taking you to the best restaurant in town, you will order whatever you want no matter the cost, and you will allow me to pay for it as a congratulations for getting the new job. There will be no arguments, understand?"

"Yes sir," Jet mumbled, looking at little tired. His face screwed up. "Didn't you have something on the stove?"

Freed's eyes widened. "Oh mother fucker!"

He must have looked a sight as he stormed into the kitchen. Dressed in one of his best suits, which had a pretty obvious cum stained where his frankly obscene erection ended. Cum was running down his face form where Jet had hit him with the final shot, and his hair was a mess from being ruffled between Jet's thighs. Jet laughed at him from the bedroom as Freed removed their unsalvageable food from the stovetop.

Freed had to grin once he knew his kitchen was safe. Being laughed at by his lover while looking debauched and vagrant. There was no better life lived than that; not one Freed cared to know, anyway.