#I hate it here- here being in my body.
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…..hhhh
#turns out not surprisingly my liver is still slowly losing function-#my immune system hates me#and more things wrong with my blood#I hate it here- here being in my body.
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” Am I not right to weep? O my children, cursed children of a hateful mother - ”
#medea#my art#cw blood#cw mild nudity#euripides medea#greek tragedy#greek theatre#this play is Female Rage by excellence#hmm yes the blood of her sons on her face hands breasts and belly the parts of her body that her children knew the most yes indeed#im really proud of this#:)#lots of symbolism here#the red shawl is her hate while the black one is a mourning blanket#it's dwarfed by her heartbreak which enveloped her whole and bears no blood bc it's already red#her eyes are golden like Circe's who's her kinswoman#the handle of the dagger is Jason who isn't explicitly wounded by her but drove her hand (the blame of the murders actually befalling him)#<that's why it's not bloodied unlike the blade which was used to hurt#her tear washed down the blood on her cheek representing her being absorbed of her crime by both the gods and her grief#on the mural behind her is Medea enchanting the dragon while Jason steals the Golden Fleece#and above (right) is Hera and Iris and (left) Helios in his chariot#with female chorus masks lamenting Medea's crime like the chorus in the play#the pose and expression are inspired by the poster for Médée by Mucha for the Théâtre de la Renaissance starring Sarah Bernhardt#overall proud of this#i think women deserve to go a little mad and violent when they're angry. as a treat#anyway thanks Euripides for the 500bc feminism
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I wish I could just overdose on sadness and just be gone, peacefully in my sleep.
#hitting styro#988twt#depressing shit#i hate everything#988blr#baby cvts#cvtaddict#s3lfharmm#i hate it here#sorry for being depressing#i have a problem#i dont fucking know#i hate my body#this is depressing#im just a girl#i hate this#i dont even know
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i will never love my body, i can’t accept myself and the self hate will never end
#mine#gewitternebel#bpd thoughts#bpd stuff#bpd feels#bpd borderline#actually bpd#being borderline#bpd problems#bpd#i hate it here#i hate everything#i hate my body#hate myself#i hate this#@tw edd#ed but not ed sheeran#i wanna slit my wrist
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Sight of a Star - Blue-ish Star Ryōshū and Don Quixote
#HERES HOW BLUE-ISH STAR BELIEVERS CAN STILL WIN I PROMISE#Rendering sucks but I do like how these look very much. I hate drawing armour. big fan of dramatic shadows however.#but! as for justifications:#B-iS is an abno regarding what one so desperately wants but cannot have - possibly connecting to Blue Star and the paradise-like place-#people wish to reach by throwing themselves into it. though what is offered by B-iS is a much less refined yet as tantalising#given the text of 'The irresistible allure is almost tearing you apart' and the less refined bit being implied by both design#[jagged edges of the actual blue shape and legs like dolls - both unlike BS' much rounder and more naturalistic design]#in short it's the manifestation of impossible dreams - for Don this is her quest for a just knighthood in the City of all places#and for Ryōshū [though idk her source] it is her final work of art - the Hell Screen#when approached one's body is 'pushed away' as if a manifestation of how it is unachievable. at least it is for them#'To be truly blue the one with the true blue must be left alone in one’s blueness.'#is what I interpret as: 'to truly dream the dreamer must be left to one's fantasies'#dreams by nature do not intersect well with reality. all their flaws will be shown and they will crack under the pressure of the real world#it is why the dream pushes them away. to preserve itself. also probably has something to do with how DQ also has void dream#and this abno gives pride boosts in its event. and I personally see pride as a sort of 'self assurance' or 'self above others' so to speak#as to chase ones dreams one must think themselves the exception. as the one that can persevere over the City#plus the HP damage and the various juxtapositions in the 'forward' option may be in reference to how dreams and reality don't mix.#harming those who chase them. though all the same the 'backwards' option shows that simply tossing them aside shall hurt in its own way#to think oneself 'impure' enough to give up on chasing it is all the same resignation on your uniqueness#as for the gift: the name is possibly to do with how lower stars seem easier to reach. and the effect of damage at minus SP....#going insane dream chasing?#but to take ones leave allows for it to be left behind without any further effects. you did not look at your dreams. acknowledge them at al#but are you better off like that? not dreaming? forgetting that brilliantly unfinished star?#but anyways I hope you liked my rambles. also this abno and everything related to Blue Star is so tastefully C flavoured that I love them#and fun fact! when I was first generally mapping sinners to unfightable/EGOless abnos I entirely forgot Ryōshū somehow. which led to this.#they don't have weapons they just kick real hard and it works well enough#limbus company#ryōshū lcb#don quixote lcb#🎠🚬
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aaaand BUMBLEBEE 😊 !!!!
#this isnt humanformers it's just my own bumblebee design like hes very much robot still#the face plate just isnt white cus um i do wat i wanbt#LOL#human bee would have afro puffs to resemble his antennas that curl at the tops for the horns too#the lil blue things being his fluff are his door wings!#i want him to be like one of those big fuzzy fat bees where their wings are so tiny how do they even manage 2 fly#well this one does not !#goldbug tho i think should fly bcs starscream parallels and his wings are not stubby and round like bbs here#which he ruthlessly ridicules bb for and flaunts his giant bee wings#anyways bbs servo fluff helps conceal his stingers#if u look closely on the face he has a nose scar and what looks like 3 freckles on each side#but rlly theyre just rips from the nose scar breaking and moving like mini scrapes from ur big car scar#he has an arm btw i just didnt feel like blocking that part of his body where the rest of it would go so i amputated him lol#it's ok i redesigned him off of cane bumblebee so it ok bumblebee it artist interpretation ok#i love his cane tho i need to fraw him with it i just hate fullbody aint nobody got time for that (me only)#(im. lazy )#ANYWAYS yea so. this is my idea of idw bee.. i think he would discover the and bumblebee meme and Not stop saying it. actually#bumblebee got wider and slighter taller but his wings have not ever changed#bumblebee#transformers#tf#if u wanna think of it as humanformers u can but hes an android then and not like a human human so ill tag it#humanformers#tf idw#maccadam#transformers idw
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👁️ Kirbtober 2024 Day 14: Miracle 👁️
(ID: Kirby series fanart of Zero Two looming over a newly-created Miracle Matter, gazing down upon it inscrutably with his single red eye, almost cradling it in segmented wings that burst with countless red, vein-like tendrils. The icosahedron gazes back blankly with red-and-black eyes on each of its sides… save for one in the center which sports an iris of orange and teal, tears leaking from it and dripping away into darkness. END ID.)
“Hush, my dear blade. Consider your failures forgiven. For only in such a penitent form may you reach even a fraction of my perfection.”
Based on my personal headcanon that Dark Matter Blade - after the second failed takeover in KDL3 - might've been “repurposed” by his resurrected god into Miracle Matter.
Previous Day | Next Day | Prompt List (made by @/paintpanic)
Started on 09/18/24, finished on 09/19/24. | Kirbtober 2023 Comp
#veins art#veins fanart#kirby series#kirby#zero two kirby#02#miracle matter#dark matter blade#<- (technically)#headcanon#kirbtober#kirbtober 2024#day 14#miracle#paintpanic#i uhh… might’ve gone a little overboard with this one... again ^^'#listen it was either this or feathers and we already know I have a beef with feathers so here I am just... livin’ up to my namesake I guess#… I honestly can’t tell whether I love this or hate it with all my being#but BOY do I have thoughts about it (not quite full-blown-AU thoughts; just wouldn’t-it-be-interesting-if thoughts)#and TBF I don't think DMB stays like this *forever*#(see his inclusion in the KMA subgame for proof of that... despite the nebulous canonicity of it)#it's just fun to think about all that good good *angst potential* y'know?#me hovering over characters with my microscope like “how can I make you worse in every way possible?”#angst tw#eyes tw#scopophobia tw#body horror tw#loss of control tw#nonconsensual body modification tw#veinsfullofstars
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affirmation for women with body dysmorphia
#i hate it here (here being my body)#i never felt comfortable and its constantly changing so i cant even get used to one state#personal#sorry for the unfeminist content i just need to memeify my feelings
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Ok I really am done with twitter now…. To Bluesky I go because the fact that this complete and utter garbage shows up on my tl because it’s the alt right misogynistic (along with racist, homophobic, etc.) bullshit that Elon wants to shove down my throat instead of my actual interests such as feminism, tennis, film, humor, etc which prior to about a year ago was what I would see because the algorithm was actually formulated for ME. Now it’s this. And what I especially find crazy is I’ve seen this account before. He’s a self proclaimed incel who hates women to unfathomable degrees. Thinks they’re all evil, narcissistic, shallow, promiscuous, etc. And yet men still gave him a semi viral tweet because there’s no line to be drawn
There is no line in the sand for what is unacceptable. Men have no problem endorsing the ideas of a clearly mentally ill and delusional individual who loudly and proudly hates women and perpetuates harmful and untrue rhetoric about them and their “nature”. Who, like many incels, genuinely think every single woman is somehow dating 1% of the male population when all it takes is actually going outside and seeing that average people are dating each other and not every woman has her very own Ken doll.
And he is another example of my last post where these plebs live in a reality where men are perpetual victims being beaten, kicked, and spit on by evil wahmen and men. Uhh erm men are totally not doing anything. They’re totally hating, bashing, and harassing women online. Dedicating entire spaces to it. They’re totally not literally raping, abusing, and killing women. Implying that would be painting them as anything other than innocent babies and would give more nuance to these evil women “hating them”
Also, and my last thing, this dude is Chilean. Still lives there and tweets about it from time to time (getting little to no likes bc his followers only care when he’s shitting on women). He sometimes shows his especial hatred for Latina women, mainly for being disloyal and promiscuous. He gets upset about their fetishization and them being pedestalized by white males along with Asian women as the ideal woman who’s submissive and traditional unlike those combative white women because to him all women should be hated by men and men need to “wake up”. He’s constantly trying to push back at those sentiments and Latina women being painted in a (not really) positive light. And use anecdotes to prove that they’re sooo evil. Something about being an mra who acts as though women have this collective hive mind dedicated to making men’s life miserable while living in Chile when your country along with all of Latam has a huge misogyny culture namely femicide. Chile especially has a huge domestic violence problem yet he still finds it in himself to villainize women, specifically women from his region and act as though they don’t suffer. Act as though men aren’t the reason. Or that it’s just these 1% chads when if you look at the news your average abuser is literally just some guy.
#also him being Chilean makes him being insanely invested in the election even weirder#not saying that the election results don’t affect countries across the globe and so they can’t speak on it#but he’s framing all of his tweets surrounding it as though he lives here and this will benefit him directly#like wdym your body my choice?#you live in Santiago#radblr#radical feminist safe#radical feminism#radfem#men hate you#i hate men#moid moment#moids#misogyny#radical feminists do touch#radical feminist community
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time for another “THANK YOU I LOVE YOU” message: THANK YOU I LOVE YOU!!! i’ve been struggling with some severe burnout in all facets of my life as a result of being too stubborn and prideful to recognize said burnout and so i’ve had a hard few weeks with just that + tumultuous personal life stuff + blah blah blah, and wanted to say THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT! i’m giving a little rest from reviews and art (moreso the former) since i was really forcing myself to make ends meet and turning it into a chore and so i’m just kind of forcing myself to stop and rest and be a person. which is excruciatingly hard for a GO GO GO person like me so i just wanted to say thank you for your patience and understanding with that! and thank you for your support!!! i haven’t had the emotional bandwidth to answer asks or DMs lately but i promise i see them and am seriously grateful for everyone who has sent one in, i really want to share the love and get back on my feet and be more active and open and talkative since I LOVE INTERACTING WITH YOU GUYS!! so i just wanted to say thank you for your patience and support in spite of all that. i’m usually my worst enemy in terms of putting the most pressure under myself and buckling under it as a result, i know realistically nobody is sharpening their harpoon gun because i didn’t touch a review for a week. but i wanted to put out a message as a bit of peace of mind regardless 🙏 thank you for your support in any capacity and know that i am extremely grateful for it beyond words!
#just every single aspect of my life has become a chore and obligation and an unhappy one and i thought the solution to that was to force#through it and that is not the case! i hate feeling ‘lazy’ but my body was literally giving out and i still am busy with work obligations so#i can’t afford to have my hobbies and personal life causing that much pain#but rest assured the art and reviews and chatting will pick up! i love them too much to stop and refuse to! that’s why i’m in this scenario#but i just wanted to say thank you and give a bit of an explanation because i would keep agonizing otherwise lol#going through a bit of a transitional period and learning how to care for myself better so i can be more available for friends and acquain#tances. and that includes yinz! thank you for leaving asks and DMs and replies and reblogs i hope it never stops! i want to get more#equipped to answering them#thank you for being here :)
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okay i wanted to talk about how heartbreaking this scene is. when kazuya threatened to destroy the place, jin's FIRST reaction was to look at all the people fleeing - it shows how much jin truly cares about everyone. but i just realized what's even more fucking heartbreaking is that he specifically focuses on a mother and son. a mother and son whose lives are being threatened by a monster... this has to... this HAS to be intentional. the way jin jerks in disbelief and fear after this.. it makes this scene hurt even more. 😭
i'm really convinced jin was about to cry here. with how much brighter his eyes suddenly got, and the way his mouth starts trembling. i really think he was about to cry.
still caps to show how wide & bright his eyes got. but it really does look like a face of devastation. this is a man who desperately wants to be good. he aches to save lives, to help people in spite of his family lineage, in spite of his devil gene. but he can't. he fails every time. despite how hard he tries, how much pain he endures, jin is never good enough, he's never better. i think this really broke him here, i think this is a reminder to jin that he's a failure.
but jin doesn't cry. because he can't allow himself to. he always resorts to anger instead.
out of context, this was such a beautiful scene. it really establishes how much jin cares about people, how seeing people get hurt (or potentially) really affects him. i'd even call this a BRILLIANT SCENE. like the series can't convince me this was the man that started a war and lead to the death of thousands, if not millions, of people. this man is so PAINED to see even a few people get hurt - even one person. this is a man who'd do anything to protect these lives. tekken 6 wasn't what jin was, but this, this is jin kazama.
unfortunately, when they refused to retcon 6 or do more damage control than just having the character say "sorry" it just... it just makes little sense. even though this was an amazing scene, fans cannot react to it as well when it's ridiculous that a man who had dragged the world to hell, cares this much about a handful of people when he's supposedly responsible for the deaths of way more.
without thinking about the inconsistency and tek6, though. this is still so heartbreaking to me, and what jin should be.
#✏️ - ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴏsᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏsᴛ // (ooc)#// what i'm saying is .. they almost had it#// they WOULD'VE had it if they didn't fucking double down on 6#// if they just retconned 6#// or did something to make jin not responsible for it#// jin being brainwashed or controlled by the devil -#// would also add a lot to this scene as well#// add to jin feeling Too Weak to save anyone#// he was too weak to save his mom#// he was too weak to stop a malevolent force from taking over his body#// and finally - he's too weak to save these people#// just godddd#// It Was Almost Great#// i'd make a proper gif set on my personal blog -#// rather than just throwing these out in an analytical post buuut#// i rly don't feel like seeing any potential jin hate in tags or whateves#// so i'll post it here where i explain my thoughts on the scene
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"It's just you now. Take care of mother."
i have the normal amount of emotions about them (lying) <3
#a redraw but also not really cus i ended up tracing a lot from the old one hfldsjdfs#it was only supposed to be for reference but i ended up keep messing w it instead of redrawing it proper......#feel like i got his expression down better in the old one; looks more strained/ hearbroken like i feel#but thats fine#my art#my ocs#oc: liam hawke#i'm still not sure if liam or varric is the one who deals the killing blow#love both the thought of liam having his own sisters blood on his hands and never being able to wash it off fully#or his (future) best friend saving him that fate but now having that stand between them#cus liam would be grateful for it but part of him would always remember that and hold it against him#(both options also make the bartrand encounter crunchy in slightly different ways)#either way in that moment he kind of hates varric for even just being there. and fenris too#(though tbh im not sure how realistic it would be for him to take sb else except bethy and varric down into the deep roads)#((so maybe in canon fen wouldnt be there idk. havent decided this yet either))#logically he knows its not fair ofc but it just feels like an invasion of privacy. it feels Wrong.#they have no place in this they shouldnt have been there they shouldnt have been part of it they shouldnt have seen him like this#but its sth that binds them too#the rest of the trek is miserable and awkward for all of them in any case#but yeah.#idk if they would be able to bury her down here properly so maybe they end up doing it via lava?#theyre not leaving her body out in the open to rot and/or become food for darkspawn or spiders thats for sure
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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Todos piensan que estoy bien.
Si tan solo vieras mi Tumblr
#desamor#dolor#anna#desastre#sadgirl#depressiv#estoy deprimida#i hate everything#i hate calories#sorry for being depressing#suicida#tw suicice#suic1de#notas de vida#notas cortas#notas de dolor#notas#notas tristes#ana y mía#tw ana bløg#pain#i hate my body#i hate this#i hate it here#escritos perdidos#me estoy muriendo#lo que escribo#cosas que escribo#español#amor no existe
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Just want to point out the very brief and very smug smile that flickers over Emp's/DG's face when he talks about Vlaakith being desperate to stop him. He's so proud of himself that for a moment he loses composure and reveals some of his human pettiness. <3
Makes me think on the type of person Balduran was, too. He's a much different entity now, but here you see a bit of the old rascal.
I think it shows a less obvious aspect of his personality. He definitely enjoys feeling that he's outsmarted someone, especially someone so powerful. Even in such a grave situation (trying to convince his ally not to attack him), he can't help smirking about it.
It is also very brief- I caught it on the tail-end here. He's speaking seriously with you and doing his usual pleading looks and behaviours, but when he talks about Vlaakith his tone lightens and you can see him physically struggle not to reveal how proud he is of himself lol.
Honestly it's the closest to "giddy" we ever see the DG. He's excited to share this with you and struggles to maintain a serious tone.
Compare it to the expression he has at the beginning of this scene:
He goes from the above to almost joking around, in less than a minute. It's a huge contrast and seems to be initiated by him laughing at Vlaakith. It's unhinged- but in a distinctly human way.
#keep your cynical takes away from me btw I am simply enjoying my petty boy#he's stuck in a box while you have all the fun he needs to get his kicks from somewhere#bg3#bg3 spoilers#baldur's gate 3#bg3 emperor#the emperor#by the time I write my full body language analysis it's going to be a thesis and I'll have to just make it into a video or something#this was in my drafts and I wasn't going to post it but I keep seeing hate and people being rude in the tags again#so here's some actual meta#and a reminder that Emp is the sweetest boy
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Can someone please tell me that they see my struggles, that I'm good the way I am and I don't have to try so hard. Please. Im so tired.
#love#sad thoughts#sadgirl#dear diary#sorry for being depressing#depressing shit#sad poetry#tw depressing thoughts#tw depressing stuff#i hate my body#struggle#vulnerability#i hate it here#i hate this#tired#vent#personal vent#hard to love#please love me#yandere
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