#but he’s framing all of his tweets surrounding it as though he lives here and this will benefit him directly

[womendeservehumanity]

Ok I really am done with twitter now…. To Bluesky I go because the fact that this complete and utter garbage shows up on my tl because it’s the alt right misogynistic (along with racist, homophobic, etc.) bullshit that Elon wants to shove down my throat instead of my actual interests such as feminism, tennis, film, humor, etc which prior to about a year ago was what I would see because the algorithm was actually formulated for ME. Now it’s this. And what I especially find crazy is I’ve seen this account before. He’s a self proclaimed incel who hates women to unfathomable degrees. Thinks they’re all evil, narcissistic, shallow, promiscuous, etc. And yet men still gave him a semi viral tweet because there’s no line to be drawn

There is no line in the sand for what is unacceptable. Men have no problem endorsing the ideas of a clearly mentally ill and delusional individual who loudly and proudly hates women and perpetuates harmful and untrue rhetoric about them and their “nature”. Who, like many incels, genuinely think every single woman is somehow dating 1% of the male population when all it takes is actually going outside and seeing that average people are dating each other and not every woman has her very own Ken doll.

And he is another example of my last post where these plebs live in a reality where men are perpetual victims being beaten, kicked, and spit on by evil wahmen and men. Uhh erm men are totally not doing anything. They’re totally hating, bashing, and harassing women online. Dedicating entire spaces to it. They’re totally not literally raping, abusing, and killing women. Implying that would be painting them as anything other than innocent babies and would give more nuance to these evil women “hating them”

Also, and my last thing, this dude is Chilean. Still lives there and tweets about it from time to time (getting little to no likes bc his followers only care when he’s shitting on women). He sometimes shows his especial hatred for Latina women, mainly for being disloyal and promiscuous. He gets upset about their fetishization and them being pedestalized by white males along with Asian women as the ideal woman who’s submissive and traditional unlike those combative white women because to him all women should be hated by men and men need to “wake up”. He’s constantly trying to push back at those sentiments and Latina women being painted in a (not really) positive light. And use anecdotes to prove that they’re sooo evil. Something about being an mra who acts as though women have this collective hive mind dedicated to making men’s life miserable while living in Chile when your country along with all of Latam has a huge misogyny culture namely femicide. Chile especially has a huge domestic violence problem yet he still finds it in himself to villainize women, specifically women from his region and act as though they don’t suffer. Act as though men aren’t the reason. Or that it’s just these 1% chads when if you look at the news your average abuser is literally just some guy.

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 "𝚘𝚑"

PART 8: CAT BOYS 

... it’s late into the night and y/n is streaming with one of her new friends, sykkuno. running on caffeine and redbull is apparently not enough because she falls asleep on his shoulder 45 minutes into their cyberpunk gameplay. at that exact moment, twitter goes up in flames.

─── corpse husband x reader, sykkuno x reader (because i was threatened by thirsty anons) ─── soc. media + written fiction!  ─── word count: 1.8k author’s note: here it is...what yall been asking for. literally had to add a new part for this but i loved this idea sm i couldnt just nOT NOT do it. i tried writing this with the same energy as the smau lmao so expect chaos as always. hope you enjoy it and as always lmk what u think! hopefully yall wont go too feral, but tbh thats prolly too much to ask for xx EDIT: srr for the fucky format tumbler dot com is being lame 

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous.   ҉   next.

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Such a back and forth continues for the better part of the day as you get ready. Corpse only whines a bit when you forget to text him back - you are packing, and your prestigious cat ears you bought from Amazon for 10$ deserve exquisite care - which only fuels your seemingly bottomless hunger for mischief, leading to you sneakily ignoring him more. When your phone lights up with a message, you giggle, giddy with excitement. Your laughter only gets louder and more erratic, to the point where Rae had busted down your door and threw her Hello Kitty plush at you - one you’d gotten her, mind you! - and told you to just “Shut the fuck up!”

Ungrateful. You know not everyone can appreciate your sense of humor, or stand your hyena like cackle, but that was uncalled for and you told her as much. Noting the mess your room is in (more than usual, that’s for certain), she leans onto the door frame, crossing her arms over her chest, pretty brown eyes twinkling curiously, “Where you off to?”

“So I had this idea-” You start, but are promptly shut down with a raise of her palm.

“Already know it’s a bad one.”

Insulted, and hurt, you clutch your heart. As if she had not mocked you enough today, “Rae...The hell, that’s so mean...” You mutter, face scrunching into a soft frown, “I only wanted to tell you what me and Syk thought of.”

“Oh?” Intrigued, she raises a brow, “Continue.”

“Gee, thanks for letting me this time.” You mumble, rolling your eyes, “So. We thought we’d stream together. The catch? In the same room! We’ll be playing Cyberpunk. Gotta cash in while the hype is still up.” You add, making her snort, “And, ya know, the whole cat boy business...We’ll be wearing matching cat ears. Admit it, I’m a genius.”

She’s quiet for a moment, mulling over your words; you can practically see the gears in her head turning. She glances around the room, then briefly at you, strangely apprehensive. “You sure that’s a good idea?”

Well, that is definitely not what you expected her to say. You figured it’d be more along the lines of you’d be one ugly cat. “Huh?” Is all you manage to stutter, “What do you mean?”

She gives you a look, one all people give when something is so plainly obvious, “Y/n. You do know the stans will go wild, right? And you do remember our conversation involving Corp-”

“Nope!” You exclaim cheerily with a bright smile to match. You don’t want to think about that. The relationship between you and Corpse is strictly platonic, and besides, seeing Twitter loosing their shit is always funny, and you never miss an opportunity to mess with your fans. Sykkuno is also a good friend, albeit a new one. This supposed flirting from Corpse’s end Rae deduced was nothing more than her projecting her feelings onto the situation. She always liked shoujo anime and was probably thinking one was happening right in front of her. Not a chance. Corpse was just being a friendly crackhead. Your energies mesh beautifully.

Like, beautifully in a strictly friend way. Absolutely nothing more than that.

She gives up, naturally, arguing with a wall would be more productive than arguing with you. You’re such a (Zodiac sign).

“Well,” She mumbles, ticking her head to the side, leaning off of the door frame and turning to leave, “Don’t say I didn’t tell you so.”

Your grin melts as soon as she leaves. Glancing at your bag, you shove your last necessities in with newfound hesitance. 

Nothing bad will happen, right?

...Right?

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It is well past the generally set “appropriate” time to hang out, but since quarantine, what is appropriate anymore anyway? You’ve never been in Sykkuno’s apartment, but now that you’re here it’s...strangely him. Every corner seems tailored to his specific requirements. It’s cozy, and pleasantly warm - it’s a bit chilly in LA, as surprising as that is.

He’s even shyer than you remember him being. And a whole lot more awkward, but in an endearing way, a way that makes you want to laugh and try to reassure him that it’s just you and he has nothing to worry about. While you hung out only once, the history you share is rich and tender. From him following you on Twitter and subsequently prematurely ending your stream, to kidnapping a stray cat affectionately named Juan. His long lost brother, Juan (no the Second, just Juan), lives in your Minecraft server. 

His stream room is sadly bare. There’s an appalling lack of merch or fairy lights. Not even led-lights. It’s a good thing you brought your own. As you try to decided which color would be best - his signature lime green, reminiscent of his adorable Among Us astronaut, or, perhaps, mischievous violet? - he boots the game and tweets out a quick “streaming with y/n in ten mins! come one come all!” 

“You should probably tell your fans, too.” He mumbles, looking somewhere above your shoulder. You settle with cherry blossom pink. Glancing at him, you shrug.

“Ah, do it for me, please?”

“Oh!” He hiccups, “Uhm, I wouldn’t want to pry and I don’t know your password and-”

“It doesn’t have a password.” You had removed it, knowing something like this would happen. Bless your foresight, you did not want him to know it was demonspiitinmymouth. Before he could protest further, you rush to the nearest mirror to put on your cat ears and make sure they aren’t crooked. You look absolutely adorable. The cat boys in your dms will go feral. Hell, you might just go feral looking at yourself! Sykkuno is not ready. No one is. This will be a stream to remember.

When you return (with flourish of course), he’s anxiously fidgeting by his computer, his own little cat ears, one’s he wore for the Halloween stream, peaking out from his silky brown hair. You have to suppress a squeal. When he catches you gaze he gives the kindest, sweetest little smile.

“They, uh--” He points at you, then decides it’s rude to point, bringing his hand back to his lap, then clutching his mouse, lastly releasing a sound stuck between a chuckle and a wheeze, “suit you, uhm, a lot!” He finishes with a resolute nod, quickly spinning in his chair and away from you.

This is the reaction you desired. All is going according to plan. Is this what God feels like? If not, then you pity her. She’s missing out.

Taking a seat next to him - he had been gracious enough to haul you a spare chair from the kitchen - you draw closer, and he, instinctively, shrinks away with another nervous chuckle. 

“You have, uhm... I-I didn’t look!” He quickly chimes. You raise a brow, “Uhm, unopened messages? From Corpse? He texted you when I was tweeting! I didn’t mean to look, I’m sorry-”

Instantly, you recall the famous vine with the scandalous “daddy chill” line, though refrain from saying it aloud. You love havoc, but you’re not evil (Rae would ardently disagree with you, though). Instead, you just shrug, “’S fine, don’t worry. I’ll text him back later. Let’s start?”

He nods, but doesn’t look at you. Granted, you don’t think he glanced at you even once since you returned, “...Okay. Ready?”

“Ready!”

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You’re much too immersed into the game and Sykkuno’s twitch chat to even check what’s happening on Twitter, but your estimated guess is that everyone’s going crazy. The stream chat is unruly as well, but missing the signature Twitter spark. Most of the chaos is bravely lead by your fans. Sykkuno’s, much like the man himself, are too nice to scream so unabashedly.

Perhaps you excitement had been a bit too taxing, perhaps drinking 5 coffees and 2 energy drinks today and not enough water are to blame for the sudden drowsiness you’re feeling, but you can’t focus on the swimming chat or the abundance of cut-scenes at the starting point of the game. You steadily draw nearer and he, more composed in front of his audience, doesn’t react. About ten more minutes of hoovering by his shoulder and muttering soft commentary, and you feel yourself slipping.

The last coherent thought you have is a few choice words directed at caffeine itself for having the opposite effect of you at the worst time possible.

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You float in oblivion for perhaps ten minutes at best. Once you awake with a startle, you shower Sykkuno in shy apologies and he quickly reassures you that it’s fine and that he didn’t mind at all!

“Though,” He adds after a thoughtful pause, “not sure if it was very, uh, comfortable?”

His stream chat spams uwu and variations of similar kind. The stream continues for a few more hours before the both of you wish everyone a good night. 

While you planned on wreaking absolute havoc, this sudden falling asleep was unexpected. You pondered the consequences of such an innocent, unplanned act whilst ubering home, fearing to check your phone which by now was blowing up with not only Twitter notifications but also Rae’s angry messages that vaguely read “what the fuck y/n”. Within the past two hours she had left 57 messages on all platforms collectively, including 7 calls. 

Corpse’s last text was over three hours ago.

Now that’s strange. Worry festers quickly. Briefly glancing at your surroundings - the pretty glimmer of passing street lights, neon signs, familiar buildings - you decide that it’s time to check what kind of nuclear explosion you’ve caused.

Your heart drops to the bottom of your stomach as you scroll past the hundreds of tweets and mentions. Scan through Rae’s messages. 

You had failed to prepare ahead. Every explosion of such kind is followed by nuclear winter. And Corpse’s lack of messages feels especially cold.

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Not you smiling like a fucking idiot reading his last message! You shrink into the backseat, afraid the driver will accidentally look into the rear-view mirror and see you a bit too happy before asking questions. Good news? Yeah, but it’s not like it’s his any beeswax! In the words of Rihanna, just shut up and drive. 

This argument had not yet happened, but you’re preparing, just in case. 

As you think up of potential scenarios, your eyes drill into Corpse’s goodnight text. You’ve looked at it enough. Time to turn the phone screen off. Leave the app, at the very least. When the screen dims you instantly press on it to wake it up. This is embarrassing. Maybe the deadly amount of caffeine really did mess you up, big time. Your heart races in your chest, painfully almost. You feel a bit sick. Worst of all, you can’t stop smiling.

A notification from Rae makes you snap out of it. Ah, one more demon to deal with. 

However, before you talk to her, you really need to tell Twitter that you’re not with Sykkuno. And apologize to Sykkuno as well. 

At least Corpse doesn’t hate you.

Fucking hell, just exit the chat you idiot!

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tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @slashersdream - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai - @truly-dionysus - @multi-fandom-central707

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

[nodameshield]

how are we doing? have the tears dried yet? I know mine haven’t :: 

let’s start light : research fellows count ! (also, lady, only ten years old? - I resent that).

Goh understands this?? he’s got a silly proud smile and it’s following Ash’s butchered storytelling??? love 

research fellows count ! 

perfectly attainable dream 

sure, go for it.  (look at both of their supportive lil smiles, we love best friends) 

we all know the scene that’s coming ahead, but I thought this was a beautiful demonstration of growth already on Goh’s side.

Listen before the sad part begins let us appreciate for a moment how Ash and Goh were smiling at EACH OTHER after the interview was over. cuties. 

behold : the last frame we have of baby Sobble. I’m going to miss you, bean. thank you for everything<3 (he was so proud of his good deed as well!! my very heart) 

just how fast the night changes, indeed.

Drizzle went through shock and pain at record speed and swiftly landed on anger - only to fall into ✨depression✨ just as quickly.

and then we just stayed there.

someone 

is 

(oh hey Cinderace ! good to see ya)

having  

a rough morning

 (I’m sorry, this scene was just fucking funny - the drama)

Cinderace’s proud big bro moment was just too sweet to leave out - let us not forget, he’s been a big bro since he was Raboot (and even as a temperamental Raboot, he was always gentle to Sobble). And now his baby bro has evolved as well. precious ! 

Goh handled this situation very maturely from the beginning. And here’s when the build up starts. He’s saying ‘hey, let me help you how I think you need to be helped” and he genuinely doesn’t mean any harm! naturally, his reaction is to help his Pokémon, in the way that has worked in the past.

but then he starts to understand maybe that’s not the best approach this time around.

and he’s ready to respect those new boundaries (of course, there’s no blame on Cinderace, either. Much like Goh, he - and everyone, really - was just trying to help in the way he thought was the best).

shoutout to the animation on this bit because Pikachu’s ears darting down was a delightful detail. Chloe’s expression and Grookey’s simmering down drove the point home as well.

ah, you coy little thing. Did you forget how your trainer almost left you behind because of how rebellious you were??? Because you made him feel as though you’d be better off without him?? (Cinderace has selective memory, you can’t change my mind, don’t be miss-leaded by the cuteness)

this build up was wonderful - we begin to hear all these reasons why, yeah? maybe he just wants to be alone.

maybe he’s still very afraid and careful of his surroundings, and his evolution made it worse? (he’d been popping up in random places in previous episodes, hiding, which was also great foreshadowing for this episode !) 

maybe he’s cocooning himself until he’s ready to evolve again? (which, considering his disappointment and how badly he wanted to be Inteleon already, is a very plausible reason)

but Prof. Cerise gets it right when he says ‘we can’t really know for sure’ (which ties greatly with Goh’s upcoming scene) - is it your Drizzle’s quirk? are they all like this? who cares? Isn’t wonderful how he’s a living creature? how he’s got nuances and a personality? shouldn’t that be enough of a reason to look after him, and try to help him right now?

my child, still thinking he’s got to do everything on his own.

and these two are just like ????? Goh ??? watchu talking about ???

can you imagine how MUCH this moment means to him?? he was ready to keep going alone (it’s what he knows) and even when Ash and Chloe prove him, time and time again, that he’s not alone, there’s still something in Goh coded to believe others won’t care as much/won’t be there when he needs them. and that’s why he insists: I’ve got this. I can do it alone.

and, sure, but you don’t have to. that’s the beauty of friendship.

you tell him, Chloe. (actually, without Chloe calling him out, he might have taken longer to figure out where Drizzle was. so...) // but also, it gives us a glimpse into the fact that, while Goh might have felt very lonely, Chloe has been observing and caring for him - in her way - for a long minute as well.

my very point above. 

HEY, LISTEN: he doesn’t know, either. he’s a child, words are hard, and you rotate along the four moods of childhood (happy, upset, scared, hungry (?)) and don’t ponder much on anything else because you are a child, there’s no emotional intelligence to speak of, no need for it, you’re being shaped by your environment and all the stimuli of the world being a new place. things like loneliness, confusion, anxiety... we can’t put those into words - hell, they’re fucking abstract and confusing even when we are adults.

and Goh’s stimuli and environment was, given what we know of his family life, a rather lonely one. Did his parents have a lot of spare time to take him to the park? I don’t think so. Was he good at going out there and asking other kids to play? ... probably not. 

Chloe doesn’t strike me as an extrovert, either, so even if she wanted to get close to Goh or invite him to hang out, perhaps she was too shy as well. Heck, perhaps Goh’s reaction would’ve been like the one above, he simply didn’t know. Maybe he didn’t want to ! and that’s perfectly fine as well.

am I forgiving the anipoke team for making Goh cry? no, never. but this was beautifully executed so I can grow to live with it.

“why are you depressed?” “you have nothing to be sad about!” “look at all the wonderful things you have!” “just be happy again!” - sound familiar? yeah, this was incredibly well done.

as adults, perhaps we see this and think ‘shit, how cool that they’re prodding on these topics, it’s important’ and it is !!! so important !! but if it’s this impactful as young-adults/grown-ups, imagine how impactful it must be as a child to see this and feel perceived. I’m honestly so proud of this moment, this whole episode. I’m grateful they took the time to look into this maturely. and even if children don’t do a full-fledged analysis on it, if they relate (like I know so many of us did) they won’t forget it. and that’s beautiful.

darling I’m blanking on your TW handle I’m so sorry - but someone in a tweet SO RIGHTFULLY pointed out that these are the words Goh would have needed to hear when he was younger. saying them to Drizzle it’s a full circle moment for him, he’s hearing them as well, and it’s helping both of them grow.

He’s not forcing himself as Drizzle’s trainer. Goh bears no entitlement here. He’s saying ‘Hey, if you’re comfortable, if you want to share , I’ll be here’ / as a kid, people did care for him, they kept wanting to know what was going on, but Goh couldn’t put that in words and people pestering him only made it worse, but if someone had said ‘hey, when you’re ready...’ then,,,,yeah,,,,maybe it would’ve been different. 

he’s offering that safety now to his Pokémon, something he didn’t have, but he grew to understand is what he (and now Drizzle) needed. If that doesn’t have you breaking down in a teary mess then you are stronger than I’ll ever be, because my glasses were cloudy by this point.

why, why, why. because you needed to hear all that as well, baby! so did a number of us. thank you.

I’ll say that, however it was that you connected with this moment, that’s yours to cherish. 

Personally, I too had a lonely childhood marked by parents who overworked, and I too spent a lot of time alone in kindergarten and through elementary school because it was hard to make friends (turns out i’m an extrovert, ha, talk about breaking out of your shell...) so, obviously there were easy common grounds for me in this episode.

but I LOVED to read the reactions and realize so many people still connected with it, one way or the other. So many of us felt seen and understood and acknowledged in emotions that are so hard to put into words !! 

so, again, if you identified with Goh or Drizzle or any of the topics in this episode, that’s very beautiful, and I hope the underlying message that you’re not alone gets through.

With Sobble, and now with Drizzle as well, Goh is very adamant to remind us that, however we are, that’s fine. there’s something that makes us special, regardless of other people’s opinions, or their ideas of how we *should be* // that’s the message I’m taking with me, at least.

 and i can’t wait to see how this story line evolves !! I have no doubts that, when the moment comes, Inteleon will be a wonderful addition to the team, but Drizzle is here now, and he’s plenty wonderful already x

Bonus: 

ha ha, yes. I watched this episode three times. And all three times I was a mess.

side note but a very important one: the animation, the voice acting, the dialog, the scenery of the starry night - the entire scene was so beautifully executed. so  carefully crafted. ugh, amazing. just perfect. so happy.

[mistymark]

MISTAKES WERE MADE - 0.5

a compilation of all Jaemin’s cameo’s in fem!youtuber!y/n’s old videos // script style // series masterlist // no warnings // 1.3k words

note: the times given in the title of each video are the lengths of the entire video, not the timestamp for the scene <3

[VIDEO: Q&A #3! (this is the best smoothie ive ever had in my life) - 14:32]

[Y/n is standing at her kitchen bench surrounded by half-cut fruit and dirty cooking utensils. A blender sits nearby with a dark green liquid in it. The glass beside her is half full. She’s reading something on her phone.]

Y/n, reading from her phone: if you could learn any instrument, what would it be?

[As she is reading, her roommate walks past in the background. He stops when he's almost out of frame and turns to the camera, with a wide smile on his face. He’s carrying a stuffed banana that’s half his height. Y/n does not see.]

Y/n, looking up from her phone: Hmm...

[Jaemin ducks out of sight, a wide smile on his face. She didn’t notice.]

Y/n, to the camera: Saxophone? Yeah, saxophone.

[VIDEO: painting a picture for my parents’ anniversary gift because I am broke - 21:19]

[Y/n is sitting on the floor in what we assume to be her living room, a makeshift easel is to her left with a half-complete painting of the sky sitting on it. She’s looking at a reference photo on her phone.]

Y/n, zooming in on the photo: this part... it’s purple, I think? does that look purple?

[She holds her phone up to show the camera, but her eyes immediately move to the side where Jaemin has just walked in shot. He’s carrying a Labrador puppy.]

Y/n, squinting at the camera: are you... are you holding a dog?

[She turns around to see Jaemin standing with the puppy in his arms like he’s cradling a baby.]

Jaemin, grinning: maybe

Y/n: Jaemin! Whose dog is that?!

Jaemin, running off-screen, yelling: MINE!

[VIDEO: i have a dog now - 08:11]

[Y/n is sitting at a desk, and a Labrador puppy sits in her lap, panting.]

Y/n: so jaemin “found” this dog and brought him home... we’re not going to keep him, I don’t think. I assume he’s lost but he doesn’t seem to be microchi-

[The door behind her opens and Jaemin stands in the doorway. He’s in the middle of brushing his teeth and looks like he’s just washed his hair.]

[Y/n turns to look at him. The puppy immediately begins to squirm in her lap and she sets it on the floor so the puppy can run to Jaemin. It jumps at his feet, its tail wagging.]

Y/n: what’s up?

Jaemin: I’m going to the st- oh, are you filming?

Y/n, gesturing to the camera: im introducing them to the dog!

Jaemin, grinning, looking down at the dog, in a baby voice: ooh! you’re going to be famous!

[He suddenly looks up at Y/n.]

Jaemin: I’m gonna get some food, do you want anything from the store?

Y/n, thinking: um... oh! get some dog food, please!

Jaemin, smiling: I thought you said we couldn’t keep him.

Y/n, rolling her eyes, turning to the camera: I think we’re going to keep him.

[Jaemin grins in the doorway, before pulling the door closed to leave.]

[VIDEO: getting ready for the first social gathering ive been to in weeks - 15:34]

[Y/n is sitting at her kitchen bench with makeup scattered around her. She’s only finished setting her face with powder. While she is looking around for a specific brush she cannot find, Jaemin walks into the shot in the background. This time, he is carrying an unplugged microwave under his left arm and sipping orange juice from a milkshake glass with a swirly straw using the other. The cord of the microwave dangles by his feet, but he doesn’t take any notice. Just as Y/n is about to look up again, he steps out of sight.]

[VIDEO: showing you things I bought off amazon with my rent money - 16:28]

[Y/n is sitting on the floor in her kitchen. At the start of the video she explained it was because it had the best lighting in her apartment. The hardwood floor is littered with items. She sits with her back to a row of cupboards. A tall, cheap fridge is visible to her left.]

Y/n, to the camera: The next item I have is this contraption here.

[She reaches for an obscure item and holds it out to the camera. It’s a cupholder.]

Y/n: it’s just a regular cupholder for your car, right? WRONG! Look.

[She turns it so the item is fully visible, revealing a second cupholder attached to the first. She laughs.]

Y/n: so when you're in your car, you can turn one cupholder into two!

Y/n, emphasising each word: so you can hold. more. cups.

[She pauses.]

Y/n, explaining to the camera, frowning: I don’t actually know why I bought this... I don’t have a car.

Y/n, shrugging as she puts it down on the floor again: it was eight dollars, though, so I had to get it.

[She suddenly looks up to her right.]

Jaemin, laughing: are you regretting buying the cupholder now?

Y/n, correcting him: cupholders. plural.

[It’s not visible but it’s obvious by his voice that Jaemin is smiling.]

Jaemin: sorry. regretting buying the cupholders now?

Y/n, pouting: no.

[He laughs.]

[VIDEO: deer makeup tutorial! and happy halloween! - 15:25]

[Y/n is sitting at the kitchen bench in her apartment, makeup products scattered around her. She has almost finished her makeup tutorial, and has successfully turned herself into a deer.]

Y/n: To set, I’m just going to use this spray from Ur-

[She cuts herself off when her eyes catch something off to the side.]

Y/n, smiling shyly: hi

Jaemin, off-camera, disbelief in his voice: what are you doing?

Y/n: halloween makeup tutorial...

Jaemin, laughing: halloween’s, like, two weeks away

Y/n, smiling: I know, but I’m filming early.

Jaemin: oh... you look cute, though.

[Y/n beams at him.]

Jaemin: good job.

[Y/n’s smile widens. The sound of the fridge door closing can be heard in the silence, and Y/n’s eyes follow him until he leaves the room.]

[VIDEO: watching valentines day by myself because im single and lonely (a movie review) - 32:46]

[Y/n is sitting at her desk in her room, wearing bulky headphones that she said she stole from Jaemin’s room. A half-eaten bowl of popcorn sits beside her as she watches the movie.]

[Her phone lights up and she reaches forward to pause the movie playing on the screen. She looks at the notification and laughs.]

Y/n, holding her phone up to the camera: jaemin just texted me to ask if i know where his headphones are

[She unlocks her phone and begins typing.]

Y/n, reading out her text: ‘you said I could borrow them for my video’... and then I added heart emojis because that is, in fact, a lie

[She grins at the camera and then looks back down at her phone. Jaemin has sent another text.]

Y/n: he said, ‘oh. right. can I watch too?’

[She laughs.]

Y/n, grinning mischievously as she types and sends another text: ‘no’

[VIDEO: vlog: a day in my life - 13:51]

[Y/n is standing in a puffy jacket in front of a tree at her local park. She’s holding the lead attached to her dog’s walking harness. Jaemin is filming.]

Y/n, shouting: I think you’re too far away!

Jaemin, shouting back from behind the camera: NO! THIS IS GREAT!

[Y/n laughs at how loud he is. Text appears across the middle of the screen: ‘if you’re wearing headphones... sorry’]

Y/n, shouting again: are you sure?

Jaemin, even louder this time: YES!!!! IM SURE!!!!! IT LOOKS GOOD!!!!!!!!!

[The scene cuts to Jaemin and Y/n walking around the park. Y/n is now filming in selfie mode, and Jaemin is walking the dog.]

Y/n, to the camera: you know, we still haven’t named him.

Jaemin, faking offense: my name is Jaemin, y/n

[He pouts, speeding up his walking pace as he sulks. Y/n laughs and quickens her pace to catch up.]

Y/n: the dog, Jaemin. I meant the dog.

Jaemin, smiling: I know.

Jaemin, turning to Y/n: I have a name for him.

Y/n, sighing, turning back to the camera: Jaemin wants to name our dog ‘Puddle’.

Jaemin, making a face: it’s better than ‘Buckley’!

Y/n, scoffing: no way!

Y/n, to the camera: guys! please help us choose a name! spam it in the comments or tweet me, I don’t know.

[She pulls the camera down to her chin so only her face is visible.]

Y/n, in a hushed whisper: choose Buckley~

[Jaemin laughs and then starts to jog away with the dog.]

Y/n, starting to jog to catch up: hey!

[isitmadness]

Needed Company

summary: After Umbara, Obi-Wan and Cody find themselves unable to sleep. Both men have different ways of coping, but sometimes coping together is better than coping alone.

characters/relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Commander Cody, pre-relationship Obi-Wan/Cody

words: 2.4k

tags: pre-relationship, look at these idiots pining again, mutual pining, post-Umbara, light on the angst - just a dash, i tagged both relationship types, because it is both, and i didn’t want to trick anyone...if that makes sense, Jedi positive

a/n: I saw this tweet and ran with it - “underrated trope: when character a can’t sleep and character b finds them wandering or tinkering or painting and decides to keep them company”

Read it on a03

Obi-Wan strolled slowly down the quiet halls of the Negotiator, hands clasped behind his back, no destination in mind. The Force felt mostly still and calm surrounding the thousands of lives on board, and for that he was grateful. And as it was the middle of the night—such as that was flying through hyperspace—the quietness was to be expected. It still didn’t keep Obi-Wan from passing troopers and officers in the halls, but they were more scarce than during the day.

As he got closer to the training rooms, one Force signature he knew rather well was projecting a lot of hurt and that was concerning. He slowed his steps and finally heard grunts, thuds, and slaps which became louder and more insistent as he rounded the corner. It certainly wasn't a strange noise to be coming out of the training room, but it was out of place in the wee hours of the morning.

He found the door to the room open, light from inside spilling into the dim hallway. Obi-Wan could sense strong frustration, anger, guilt rolling off his marshal commander in waves. He stood in the doorway and leaned against the frame to watch Commander Cody taking out his frustrations on a punching bag.

He moved with precision and finesse, muscles rippling each time he twisted or landed a new blow. His warm brown skin sheened with sweat in the light, and the movement was mesmerizing. Obi-Wan tried not to ogle, but was finding it difficult. He had only very recently realized his attraction, but had attempted to put it out of his mind due to their circumstances. He was Cody's general, his superior in rank, in addition to being his friend, and Obi-Wan couldn't, wouldn't jeopardize that.

But objectively, the man was handsome.

He straightened up when the noise stopped and Cody turned. "You just gonna stand there and stare?" Cody said, unwrapping his hand, "Sir." There was something biting in the way Cody addressed him. Obi-Wan frowned and stepped into the room.

"I apologize for disturbing you, commander," Obi-Wan stood at the edge of the mat, hands still clasped behind his back. “I just heard noises in the hall and thought I would stop and see if I could be of any assistance.”

Cody looked him up and down quickly, attempting to do so undetected. The general looked like he just rolled out of bed, and at this hour, he no doubt had done just that. He was wearing his leggings, boots, and only his undertunic which exposed a V of pale chest covered in darker ginger hair. The lighter sandy-colored hair on his head was delightfully sleep-mussed and Cody found himself with twitchy fingers, wanting to reach out and smooth it down. He was his general—that would be wrong and unprofessional.

He sighed, "You didn't disturb me, General Kenobi." Obi-Wan’s eyes tracked Cody as he walked to the bench on the edge of the mat and grabbed a drink from his water bottle. “You knew it was me already though, didn’t you? In the hallway?”

"Please, just Obi-Wan," Obi-Wan replied. "When we're alone," he hastily added. He winced thinking about how that sounded, and Cody pretended not to notice. “And yes, I knew it was you.”

"Well, Obi-Wan, I was just finishing up, so," Cody said as he wiped a towel across his face, around his neck, and over his chest and arms. "I hope I didn't wake you." Cody knew that was unlikely considering the General's quarters were nowhere near the training rooms, but the Jedi was always so in-tune with the lives around him, he had to wonder if the Force worked like that.

Obi-Wan waved a hand dismissively, "Not at all." Truthfully, Obi-Wan had had a hard time sleeping since the Umbaran mission two weeks prior, Krell's betrayal weighing heavily and irrevocably on his mind. "I was just taking a midnight stroll, if you will, and I heard noise and found you."

"Hmm," was all Cody could find to say as he turned to face Obi-Wan finally, neither really knowing what to say. That was new...and odd.

"I just…" Obi-Wan started carefully, unsure of what he wanted to ask, always afraid he might overstep. "I figured whoever was in here was having difficulties, like I am, and I thought maybe they needed company." Obi-Wan shrugged one shoulder, and in that moment, he looked younger. Cody briefly wondered what he must have been like before the war, when he was just a Jedi, and not a High General, unburdened by the cares of war.

Cody leaned over and picked up his black shirt from the bench and slipped it over his head. He really wanted to shower now, but his general was here—a shower could wait.

"Would you like to walk with me? Or perhaps you'd care for tea in my quarters? Absolutely no pressure, perhaps your destruction of this punching bag did the trick,” he smiled. He knew it was a dangerous question, but he and his commander had been alone in his quarters many times—whether for tea or conversation or to go over battle strategies. It wasn't an unusual question, but the request felt heavier than usual.

Cody debated. He had of course been to Obi-Wan’s quarters before, several times, alone and with others—but this time the request felt different. "I...that would be nice, sir." Obi-Wan looked at him pointedly with a small quirk of his lips. "Pardon, Obi-Wan."

"Very good," Obi-Wan said with a smile.

----

They walked back to Obi-Wan’s quarters side by side, both aware that a gap of a few feet between them would be smart, but instead both finding the nearness of the other a small comfort. Cody wished he had more than his blacks to wear but, well, it was what it was. And Obi-Wan didn't seem to mind the informality, especially dressed as he was.

The door slid open when they arrived and everything was just as it usually was except for an untidy bed—Obi-Wan really had just rolled out of it. There was the usual stack of datapads on his desk, a flimsi book opened facedown on the end of his bed, and his outer tunics draped carefully across the back of his desk chair. "Pardon the mess," Obi-Wan said as they walked in.

Cody huffed a laugh, "You're a real slob, sir."

That made Obi-Wan laugh an honest-to-goodness laugh. "Whatever will you do with me…" he replied, unthinking, as he walked over and filled his electric kettle with water.

"Quite frankly, you're past all hope," Cody added, teasing some more. It felt good to laugh and joke with his general, especially after…

"That sounds like something my old padawan would say," Obi-Wan turned to face Cody again and smiled, a far-off look in his eyes.

Cody became serious again. "And how is he, si-- Obi-Wan?"

"Ah," Obi-Wan leaned against the small counter and stroked his beard. "He is angry, as you can imagine. Feeling betrayed."

"As we all are!" Cody interjected more forcefully than he intended.

"Yes, you are right." Obi-Wan sighed and motioned to the small two-person table in the corner near his kitchenette. "Would you care to be seated, commander? Of course, you’re welcome to sit anywhere you'd like."

"Just Cody," he said with a tight smile and took a seat at Obi-Wan’s small table. Obi-Wan remained standing so he could fix the tea.

"And how is Captain Rex?" Obi-Wan asked, cutting right to the chase. He knew why Cody was awake—it was the same reason he was.

"Angry, as you can imagine," Cody said, parroting Obi-Wan’s words back at him. "And I don't think he's telling me everything. Sir, I--" What could Cody even say? It was a betrayal of the highest order and none of them saw it coming. Rex was taking it very personally and very hard—questioning his choices, his command. Many good men were dead now, by their own brothers’ hands, too. How did you come back from that?

"Take your time, Cody," Obi-Wan said as he busied himself getting mugs and his tea out of the cabinet.

Cody was silent a little longer. He felt responsible, of course he did. As marshal commander, he was responsible for hundreds of thousands of lives, and every good man's death weighed heavily on him. And he knew it was the same for his general. He considered himself damn lucky that his general was Obi-Wan.

He knew the Jedi felt a very heavy responsibility being pressed into command of an army—they were guardians of peace and justice, negotiators, not warriors. They were not created for war like he and the clones were. And, belonging to the Galactic Republic as they did, they could have been subjected to the leadership of more Republic officers, none of whom gave a shit about the lives of mere clones. They were a means to an end. Even to the citizens of the republic, they were just a white helmet. But Jedi like Obi-Wan, Mace Windu, Yoda, Plo Koon...Cody knew that they cared about their men.

The kettle's whistle tore through the silence, startling them both. "Apologies," Obi-Wan said as he poured the water. Unsurprisingly, the silence dragged on as long as it took the tea to steep. "Sugar, honey, milk?" Obi-Wan asked when it was finished.

"How about a little honey?"

Obi-Wan nodded. When finished, he brought the cups over and sat across from Cody, sliding his over to him. They sat in silence for several more beats, enjoying the warm and soothing amber liquid. Cody didn't like the stuff at first, but he had grown used to it, and anyway, this little ritual was something he could share with his general—that alone was worth learning to love the drink.

In the harsh light of his quarters, Obi-Wan was slightly greener and paler than usual, but the artificial light could never truly detract from his handsomeness. Cody buried his nose in his cup wondering why he was thinking these thoughts and desperately hoping that the general couldn’t pick up on them.

"I think, Cody," Obi-Wan started again. "That perhaps Rex, and you, could benefit from a mind healer. I don't want to overstep, but as your general, you know it is my duty to look out for the both of you—all of you. And I think you and I are awake for the same reasons.” He hesitated again, taking another sip of his tea. “I myself have been unable to sleep since…"

Umbara went unsaid. It had been a rough two weeks.

"You're very perceptive, as always," Cody smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

Obi-Wan took another long sip of the tea, letting it warm him from the inside. "I'm sorry I didn't have anything stronger."

Cody chuckled, "Maybe next time."

Obi-Wan coughed lightly, "Yes, next time."

They sat in more silence, the only sound was the gentle hum of the Venator-class destroyer hurtling through hyperspace back to Coruscant. They had grown accustomed to that in a short period of time, too. Sometimes it could lull Obi-Wan to sleep, but other times he missed the quiet of the Jedi Temple.

“If you were ever interested—and others, too, of course—I would also be happy to teach you some meditation techniques. It’s not a perfect solution, but I find it helps quiet my mind,” Obi-Wan finally added. “Anakin never took to it too much, but I think you might.”

Cody gave Obi-Wan a genuine smile and agreed. Before he knew it, he found himself feeling rather drowsy—like the tea was some kind of sleeping draught. "What did you put in this tea?” He asked with a grin.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm feeling oddly relaxed all of the sudden," Cody replied.

Obi-Wan smiled, "Well, I'm glad to hear it. But it's only tea and honey, if you're trying to insinuate that I drugged you." Cody laughed. "I guess I can't help that I'm such a lively, interesting person and I can put people to sleep with my conversation." Obi-Wan arched his eyebrow, teasing Cody.

Cody scoffed, "You're one of the most interesting people I know, maybe the most interesting…" Oh, he was tired and saying too much.

"Hmm, oh I doubt that," Obi-Wan chuckled and took another sip of his tea, finally emptying the cup.

"It's true! Your company is infinitely preferable to many." Forget the sleeping draught—there was a truth serum in here, making Cody confess secret thoughts. Cody finished it anyway.

Obi-Wan smiled again, "Well, that goes both ways." He stood and collected their mugs then washed them out in the small sink.

Oh.

Cody was surely imagining this conversation, he was dreaming up this entire scenario, he was sure of it. He decided that maybe he should go try and get some sleep before he hallucinated any more scenarios where his general told him he cared for him, placed his palm on his cheek and--

He stood suddenly, nearly upsetting the chair, "Well, I think I might try to go get some sleep. I'll be returning to my quarters." Even though Obi-Wan’s bed was right there, looking warm and inviting now...

Obi-Wan stood, too, something aching in his chest. "Yes of course, commander, shall I walk you back?"

Cody chuckled, "I think I know my own way, but thank you , sir."

Obi-Wan nodded with a smile and walked Cody to the door. "Well then, thank you for the company, commander."

Cody turned and gave Obi-Wan a lazy two-finger salute, "Thank you, sir."

"Obi-Wan.”

"Yes, Obi-Wan," Cody returned the smile finally.

"Find me if you can't sleep again. I'll find some topic of conversation to drone on about that'll put you right to sleep."

"Ah, but the sound of your voice would keep me awake," Cody said, wincing internally, and Obi-Wan wasn't quite sure how to take that. The door slid open as they got closer and Cody turned to face Obi-Wan again. "Good night, sir, try to get some sleep."

"Good night, commander," Obi-Wan said as Cody walked through the door.

Cody nodded once more then headed down the hall. Obi-Wan stood outside his quarters and watched him until he turned the corner then walked back inside. He sat on his bed and pulled his boots off then his under tunic and tossed it at the chair. He slipped back under the covers which had unfortunately lost all their warmth. With a flick of his wrist, he turned the lights off and nestled in hoping finally for some sleep.

[youarejesting]

Quarantine.30

[Masterlist] Editor: [Yoongisauce] Pairing: BTS x reader Friends2Lovers Genres: friendship, drama, romance SLOWEST OF BURNS. until the anticipation kills us all… Rating: PG-13 and above Summary: Your brother works with a few BigHit dance teams and whilst having permission to accompany him at work the city shuts down banning anyone from stepping outside for a whole WEEK while they disinfect the streets. If you step outside you might get arrested, shot or poisoned by the chemicals they are emitting through the city. Words: 1.6k Announcement: I am sorry if the tags haven’t been working hopefully they are working now. please let me know if they still aren’t working and I will look into it further. Hell I will personally send you a link in your DM’s if it doesn’t work. 

I also changed my lay out on my tumblr page and I don’t particularly love it but it was the one I like the most still working on finding the right look.

[Part 1]  [Part 29] [Part 31] [Tag Yourself Here]

With all the courage he could muster, Seokjin zipped your suit back into place; patching up the suit with some medical tape he found in the bag and securing your breather back into place. Tears fell as he knew you were fading away. You woke to the sounds of his movements.

Realizing the need to get up and move, you could feel yourself getting worse. The morphine had long since stopped working. You forced yourself up, opening the backseat and properly fastened your breather. You moved to the front of the car reaching into the glove box for the spare key to your brother’s apartment, finding the spare car key attached.

Your eyes fell shut for the briefest of moments before forcing them open once more. You started up the vehicle and drove off before Seokjin fully emerged to sit in the passenger seat. You knew the general area you were in, having traveled it a few times previous.

“Let me drive?” He asked and you shook your head immediately, regretting the action when your head started to spin. 

“I have driven in the fog multiple times, let me.” You were so close. Your injured leg was completely numb but still managed to cause so much pain. Seokjin watched you like a hawk, looking scared out of his mind.

“We are almost there. That’s the clinic right theee…”

You fell forward against the wheel both hands sliding down off. Lunging across the centre console, Jin grabbed the wheel sliding his foot onto the brake. He engaged the hand break causing the vehicle’s back tires to spin out and slide across the road. He covered your body with his as the car bumped into the street pole with no more force than a bumper car.

He immediately exited the car, running around to your side of the car and scooping you out. Glancing at his surroundings he noticed the tires had left black tread marks down the street. You did have a habit of crashing headfirst into situations. He shook his head, getting back to the fact you lay unconscious in his arms. 

The clinic was two buildings back and Seokjin carried your practically lifeless body to the health centre. Looking down at you he remembered everything. You knew how to make an entrance into someone’s life that was for sure. 

From the moment you crashed through the door on the day you met. Joking with them over dinner and teasing them like you were old friends. You were as timid as a category five Typhoon, laying waste to the land around you. Making hearts skip a beat when you flashed a smile or gave a flirtatious comment. 

There was something exhilarating about you that kept him coming back, the kindness in your heart was the new life growing stronger after a storm. The way you moved so smoothly in the dance studio. He wanted nothing more than to suffer through it all, to see the clouds disappear and for sweet gentle hands to embrace him like a soothing balm.

“So, you think Lee Jong-suk is better looking and makes a better male lead than, the, Kim Seokjin?”

“Who is Kim Seokjin?” You had said looking up at him curiously, hiding a playful grin behind wide eyes.

“Me!” He almost screeched, “This handsome face right here— I am Kim Seokjin.”

“Handsome?” You tilted your head as if examining a work of art in a museum and honestly you felt like he was truly a majestic being. “I mean I guess some people might find this sort of face attractive”

He chuckled remembering how he started blatantly showing you tweets and memes of himself and Army calling him ‘worldwide handsome’.

“See! They call me ‘Worldwide Handsome’ There is no face more handsome than this”

“Then why did Taehyung win ‘Forbes most handsome man’ in 2017 and tell me Hyung how many times you have… Oh right, you haven’t won have you?” Jungkook had cut in, loving to tease the eldest 

The pillow fight that followed was filled with flushed faces and your sweet giggles. Seokjin remembered Hoseok unable to stay awake any longer, the alcohol taking effect on him.

Reaching the clinic, Seokjin realized he had been talking to your unconscious form. He was begging for you to hang on. Pleading for your forgiveness and admitting his feelings without hesitation. He regretted never telling you in person how much you meant to him. Sure, he brushed the surface of the topic but it was the wrong time to tell you his true feelings. 

The middle of a rescue mission wasn’t the time for a confession. “When you wake I will tell you every day how much you mean to me.”

A gloved fist thumping against the glass door of the clinic alerted a doctor, who hesitantly approached before realizing you were regular citizens in trouble. Even though you both dressed like the gunmen.

Allowing you in, Doctor Chang immediately recognized your face and directed Seokjin to the examination room while collecting equipment. “Get her out of the suit and tell me what happened. I need to know everything. When did this happen?”

“Jungkook was kidnapped. We planned a rescue mission and left later that morning. As we headed back she was shot. We’ve been hiding in the trunk of a car waiting for the men to leave.”

“So it has been roughly how many hours?”

“13 hours?” With shaky hands, Seokjin wiped your forehead with a cool towel, “She wouldn’t wake up.”

“Well, grab this pack and follow my lead. We are going to scrub up.” Doctor Chang watched him reluctant to leave your side and sighed, “Quickly, we have to clean and stitch the wound and— judging by the time frame— attach a drain. I will need your assistance while the nurse goes to fetch the fluids, painkillers and antibiotics.”

Seokjin was concentrating on the doctor's words, following his orders while trying to hold himself together. The doctor had finished suturing the wound and began delicately attaching a small drain to it. “Her injury is badly infected from how long it was left untreated. But this is a critical time, if she makes it through the night then the worst is over”

“The hospitals have been notified that the military is on their way to deal with the gang of gunmen, so let’s have some hope.” Doctor Chang patted Seokjin’s broad shoulders, something that he would usually describe as strong and protective, now looked nothing but weak and helpless. He felt as if they were hollow, empty shells trying to hide the idol from the horrors of the world. 

Hours passed and Seokjin watched the nurses move you to a small cot to recover comfortably. In the next bed over, a soldier looked over empathetically. Seokjin walked the quiet halls, as the night grew dark, thinking about the boys and hoping they were okay. He had left the walkie in the vehicle two buildings away, so he had no way of contacting the boys.

Walking along, he saw a vending machine selling different ramyeons and despite the situation, he longed for the comfort food brought him when he was feeling sad.

As he pressed his hand against the glass his stomach called out. The sound of a coin being inserted into the machine followed by another made him move out of the way, “I am sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, you looked hungry. Pick whatever you  like,” Doctor Chang smiled, moving to the next machine and ordering a coffee. 

Seokjin chose a flavour he enjoyed, listening to the doctor’s tired speech. “I haven’t slept well in days. When this fog lifts I think I will be much happier. I want to feel the sun on my back and let the warmth seep into my skin. What about you? What do you want?”

“I want my home. I want my family.” Although Seokjin said he wanted to see his family, which was true, at this moment he meant the boys. If he closed his eyes he could picture it now; each of them in the comfort of their own home, away from prying eyes. Where they could be themselves with more than subtle touches and glances. 

They would all be cuddling on the couch in the living room. He would lay his head on Namjoon’s shoulder and reach over to lazily rake his hand through Taehyung’s soft hair, singing deeply. His arms stretched out tickling the side of Jimin’s belly causing his giggles to fill the air. Yoongi would be asleep, his head in your lap and legs over Hoseok’s, while Jungkook carried lunch to the coffee table and the argument would be heated about what movie to watch.

Not one would be able to settle on a movie huffing at one another. But within a few seconds, Jungkook would wiggle between you and the couch, his legs either side of you and wrapping you in his arms. He would bury his face in your hair, inhaling the sweet strawberries and cream scent that lingered from your shampoo and everything would be alright.

He pulled away from his daydream realizing the doctor had fallen asleep. Taking the full coffee cup from the tired man’s hand and setting it down, Seokjin stripped off his coat and rolled it up. He rested the doctor's head on it, hoping the man would be able to sleep well. He finished the coffee and food before heading back to watch over you. The morning was an hour out and then you would be out of the danger zone.

[Part 1]  [Part 29] [Part 31] [Tag Yourself Here]

Tags: @hi-itstt @bubbletae7 @lovemusicandotps @taetaebq @seveniefive @w0lfqu33n @anaiss97 @moccahobi @maddymal @lilacdreams-00 @lethargicalyssa @knjkitten @pieislife @bunnyboyenthusiast @vividwoosan @seesawsmin-flower @tinyunknownflower @gguksfilter @fawnzilla @passionate-love-57911 @btrombley13​

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Your nan in? Janis: what? Jimmy: not a hard question, does she work weekends or what? Janis: stop trying to get with my nan, freak Jimmy: I'm trying to do nowt, our kid is Jimmy: [a picture of Bobby with a lewk on and some kind of gift for Libi because he's asking her out lowkey] Jimmy: so go on, she there or not? Janis: Aw Janis: where's he off to? Janis: I'm looking after Libi, dunno if it's classed as punishment or they just wanted to piss off out for the day that bad Jimmy: Asia's sister's having a 🥳🎂🎁 and he don't wanna go on his own Jimmy: last night were the first I heard Jimmy: so I said I'd ask if he can invite Libi out Janis: relatable Janis: wouldn't wanna face all those 🦷🦷 alone either Janis: I'll show her the 📸 sure she'll be pure buzzing Jimmy: it's alright for you I've gotta piss about and translate 'cause none of them can be bothered to learn how to talk to him Jimmy: not til 🕑 loads of time to put her 👗👠👑 on but he's been ready for ages Janis: I mean, glad they haven't just assumed they can shout really, really loud at him Janis: only cute when she does it, obvs Janis: but that's shit, Asia's gonna think you're hanging about to 👀 her, you know Janis: 👗👠👑 and everything Jimmy: I were 🤞 she wouldn't wanna be there surrounded by kids and that, but they probably are her mental age Jimmy: be a right laugh then, this 😒 Jimmy: 🤞 now I can convince the pair of them to go do something else Janis: they're weird about it Janis: great for the 'gram pretending you're bezzies with your little sisters Jimmy: the rest of the #squad gonna be there then? Janis: not 💀👑 or #2 I doubt Janis: maybe the others though Jimmy: I get it, they'd scare the kids Jimmy: float away if they grab a 🎈 Janis: with their combined BMI, no point pretending they wanna be future mummy bloggers Janis: 🩸🩸 pact it ain't Jimmy: sure Azerbaijan or whatever her name is, is gutted they ain't coming Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Auntie Mimi Janis: 😏 Jimmy: you got a 👗👠👑  there you can chuck on an' all? Janis: so nice of you to reckon I'm ready to step in to sign backup Jimmy: you know loads of insults, that's all the birthday girl ever has to say to him Janis: she must be unbearable Janis: Asia with less filter, some fucking how Janis: I can come with Jimmy: tah Jimmy: it were doing his head in 💭 what it might be like Janis: understandable Janis: kids are dicks Janis: but if everyone else is going, you don't wanna be the one who don't Jimmy: yeah, he weren't having that Janis: they'll have a good time Janis: providing he ain't 😳 to be seen with her Janis: she's putting on some kind of costume rn Janis: might need to 👍👎 Jimmy: he'll be chuffed Jimmy: if this party had been the other year with his mates from home he'd have put his own 👗👠👑 on Janis: Asia's probably dressed bday girl up in a matching 'fit with her Janis: lovely visual, not weird as fuck Janis: they'll be the most 😎 ones there, deffo Jimmy: I'm wrapping a weird doll with massive 👀 that looks like her on a night out rn Jimmy: [a picture] Janis: ✝️✝️✝️ Janis: gonna tell the hot priest to book that in after me Jimmy: sent a 🎁 list, her mini me, you ever heard of such a pisstake? Jimmy: mate, you're turning 7 Janis: bad enough when adults do it just 'cos they've decided to do the paperwork Janis: that's some bullshit Jimmy: she's such a little twat 🤞 Libi gives her the shit 🎅 treatment Janis: letting her bring her whatever tat she's picking up about the gaff Janis: go ahead, like Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: brb gonna go dress in all black like those dickheads who work puppets Janis: when are you not all in black though Jimmy: loads Janis: 🏫 don't count Janis: no choice Janis: or whatever the CG uniform is Jimmy: 1. I weren't on about school 2. you know what the uniform is, you've been in Janis: not committed it to memory like Janis: soz Janis: have to 💭 about Pete more, you're right Jimmy: you did 👀 at it enough, dickhead Jimmy: but I get it, my 👀 are up a bit from the apron Jimmy: very PG, you Janis: PC and PG Janis: 💔 Jimmy: good thing I've got you to rein me in at this bollocks party Janis: not a wet blanket Janis: but this party will probably be traumatizing enough so you're welcome anyway Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: she can stay at ours after if she wants, let you piss off and do something that ain't Janis: oh, yeah, cheers Jimmy: no bother Janis: if you ever need, he can come here Jimmy: take you up on that when this Sharon's gone and Ian's hanging about 💔🎻😭 Janis: a new one? Janis: or is xmas Sharon back Jimmy: doing the rounds her Jimmy: be a record Janis: 😱 Janis: buy a hat Jimmy: get another exorcism booked, more like Jimmy: been trying to 🙏 her away Janis: he's a little preoccupied rn Janis: oops, soz, He's Jimmy: bloody typical Janis: shit nan got in early and they're like 🤝 Janis: do anything for her Janis: priorities Jimmy: 💔 she won't do owt for me Jimmy: reckoned I'd made a top first impression Janis: @ her Jimmy: what is it? Janis: @godandmejudgingeverybody Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: she reckons so too Jimmy: I worked that out when we 🤝 Janis: BFFs in the making Jimmy: obvs Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: if she's chucking about incense an' all, I might do Janis: Poor boy Janis: baptism of 🔥 ain't far off Jimmy: still 😱😱 you didn't do that to Lucas' car Jimmy: what did I even bother giving you a lighter for, girl? Janis: 😒 piss off Janis: you didn't see how fucked it was Janis: talk 😱😱 like Freddie got hold of it Jimmy: where's the 📷s? Janis: love keeping evidence on my phone, me Janis: think on Janis: getting us out of detention, not back in Jimmy: weren't gonna tweet 'em, calm yourself down Janis: see for yourself Monday Janis: not like he can afford a replacement or paint job Jimmy: he'll have had it done piss poor Janis: just some emulsion Janis: not for his baby Jimmy: gotta do what you've gotta do Jimmy: we've all nicked out the 🎨 cupboard Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: oh so you don't want today's? alright Jimmy: ❌ Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: in the 🗑 now, Janet Janis: shut up Janis: give it me Jimmy: when I see you Jimmy: can't have you feeling left out about all these 🎁s Jimmy: our kid's been trying to pick half the garden like it ain't winter Janis: so smooth, that one Jimmy: SO 😍💕🤝 the pair of them Janis: it's pretty cute Janis: for now Jimmy: can't wait to see how many Josephs the star of the nativity's got Jimmy: bet her sister and me can't count that high Janis: you calling a 7 year old a slag? 😏 Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: 💭 about someone else then, my bad Jimmy: that sounds like you, we're back on track Janis: now I'm a slag Janis: have been chatting to my nan Jimmy: ain't my fault 💀👑 reckons 💭 is cheating if anyone else does it Janis: the dissonance between that and 1. what she do and more importantly 2. what daddy do Janis: 🤯 Jimmy: dunno what your 🤓🗨 means but she's a hypocrite, yeah Janis: come on Janis: left out cognitive for you Jimmy: 🏆 Jimmy: Bill wanted you to have that Janis: that's why he's my fave Jimmy: alright, I'll leave you to @ him Janis: OR Janis: you could be nice to me and I'll reconsider my ratings Jimmy: invited you to a 🥇 party a bit ago Jimmy: don't get nicer than that, dickhead Janis: **a shit party, possibly the shittest if Asia's had fuck all to do with organizing Janis: but you are bringing me a pity present so 🥉 Jimmy: Oi, it's a masterpiece Jimmy: and I'm having Libi for you when she's 🎂🧁🍭🍬😁 Janis: you aren't offering spoilers Janis: but you did offer that Jimmy: you can have one that I reckoned wouldn't be #goals enough Jimmy: [funny doodles shading the gals and this party etc, we know what I'm saying] Janis: 😂😂😂 Janis: it's 🤓 goals Jimmy: you can frame it, just don't stick in on your story Janis: still know what I'm doing Janis: not been that long Jimmy: THANK GOD Jimmy: teaching you signing is one thing Janis: oi Janis: you don't need to teach me nothing about #goals Jimmy: you do alright Janis: better than any other bitch could Jimmy: that'll be why I picked you Jimmy: not some other lass Janis: don't act like you're regretting it then Jimmy: if I were performing that scene it'd be loads more dramatic Janis: wait for your cue Jimmy: how about you stop reading ahead Janis: 🤪 Jimmy: I said you were doing alright not that I were regretting owt Janis: I don't like the sound of alright Janis: sounds a bit participation 🏆 Jimmy: *🥈 Janis: that means 🥈 as a team Janis: joint effort Jimmy: it means you're 🥈 to my 🥇 Janis: bollocks Jimmy: how is it? Janis: you're no better Janis: we do the same amount Jimmy: UGH fine Janis: you can't be 🥇 on your own Janis: ✊🍆 Jimmy: couldn't be #goals on my own Janis: same thing Jimmy: is it? Janis: with what we're talking about Jimmy: I were giving you my review, not the fans Janis: I know how big your head is Janis: no need to 💬 Jimmy: you can have a 🥇 for how massive yours is an' all Janis: I don't want that one Jimmy: what do you want? Janis: 🥇 review Jimmy: that's what you had before you picked holes in my wording Janis: fine Janis: say it again and I'll 🤐 Jimmy: I'll 🤐 Janis: UGH fine Jimmy: 🙄 ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Janis: if I wanted to chat to my sister Janis: I'd ask if she was coming Jimmy: and if I wanted my lines corrected I'd @ Bill's 👻 Janis: maybe if I 🔊 'em I'd feel different Jimmy: I'll follow Libi's lead Janis: as long as it's before the shindig Janis: doesn't sound #goalz Jimmy: we'll have to whisper then Jimmy: wouldn't want the birthday girl to hear me calling her a twat Janis: 😏 Janis: not 🥇 guest behaviour Janis: heaven forbid Jimmy: have to have our own party and have it be up to us what's 🥇 guest behaviour Janis: we should Janis: but where Jimmy: we can have it here 🤞 they'll trash the place and Ian'll be so 💔🎻😭 he packs what's left up Janis: alright Janis: but where are you putting the kid Janis: your sister can hang maybe but call me crazy, six is a bit too young Jimmy: with his 👰? Janis: 💡 Janis: we could set that up Janis: my nan works with kids, the non-shit one Libi lives with Janis: he'd be good Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: ✔👍 Janis: BUT WHAT WILL WE WEAR Jimmy: OMG! Jimmy: 🛍🛍🛍!! Janis: 😍😍😍 Janis: YAAAAAAAASSSSSS Jimmy: what are you actually wearing for this bollocks in a bit though? Jimmy: 🚫💡 me Jimmy: do I go #goals or do her head in? Janis: you don't wanna look like you've made a special effort for her Janis: but I will be there so 🤔 Janis: go hot but more what they 💭 I'm into Jimmy: so dress like a lass? alright Janis: 😒❌ Janis: peak 'you' Janis: twat Jimmy: 😎 I get it Janis: 👏 Janis: there you go Jimmy: tah 😘 Jimmy: would HATE to upstage the birthday girl Janis: I've checked their socials to make sure I do Janis: as you asked Jimmy: should be in the group chat Jimmy: [shows her pisstakey qs he's been sending Asia] Janis: I turned the notifs off Jimmy: they do go on and on Jimmy: I won't 🗨 that'll be why you're 🥈 Janis: they wanna 🗨 to you Janis: not me Jimmy: but I want to talk to you Jimmy: and read what you have to say to them, obvs Janis: okay, fair point Jimmy: you're funny, said that before Janis: I won't  🗨 if it's list worthy Jimmy: alright, I won't tell you Janis: 😔 Jimmy: what? Janis: now I wanna know, obviously Janis: but Jimmy: but? Janis: won't ask won't tell Jimmy: so ask Janis: well you'll probably just say nah now Jimmy: make me sound like more of a dickhead Janis: you're not Janis: you just take the piss Jimmy: I know when to leave it out Janis: okay Janis: so does it? Jimmy: why wouldn't it? Janis: I know I'm great and have a MASSIVE head and everything Janis: but don't crack myself up Janis: 🤣🤣🤣😬 Jimmy: it's my list Jimmy: dunno why that's hard to get your head round Jimmy: you don't get a say what's on it and it don't matter if you agree or not Janis: alright Janis: were just saying why it might not be Jimmy: alright Janis: but is it Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: not gonna have a list of things and just not put something I give you loads of compliments about on it Janis: okay Janis: 😎 Jimmy: 🚭 for a bit 💔🎻 Janis: might have cigars Janis: is a birthday Jimmy: one Asia might've organised Janis: those candy ones Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 Janis: Bobby will be in his impression element Jimmy: he'd have to take Libi's fav 🖍 out from behind his 👂 Jimmy: not very #goals Janis: goals when she realises Janis: so 😍 Janis: she's done him a picture Janis: tell him to pretend it's good Jimmy: well harsh critic, you Jimmy: dunno if I wanna give you this 🎨 now Jimmy: or tell him owt 'cause he's been trying to get us to go knock on your nan's door for ages Janis: she's 4, and not picasso Janis: that's not mean Janis: we are ready, if he wants to come play first, or go to the park Janis: whatever Jimmy: you've near had my 👂 off, don't make me van Gogh Jimmy: be nice to me Janis: awh Janis: don't be 💙 Janis: come over Jimmy: okay Janis: you don't have to Janis: but she's rabid too Jimmy: I've left, not gonna turn him back round Jimmy: hang on Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [show up so Bobby can adorably ask Libi to come to this party with him like it's a date on the doorstep and Jimothy can give his bae a single 🌹 for the shakespearean romance of it along with this 🎨 which I like to think isn't just a doodle like the rest but a full moment because she really inspired him by getting them out of detention] Janis: [she will be thrilled, love to imagine how iconic the party fit we've assembled is, a whole mishmash of things we love you know the vibe, probably gonna smooch him like what a lovely surprise and this is her romcom now lmao, thank god these kids be distracted 'cos we are likewise overwhelmed af by both these gestures in a way we don't even want babbies to see thank you] Jimmy: [I know that you'd never be able to find a lewk iconic enough for this mvp so I shall imagine it, likewise glad that these children are having their rom com moment because adorable but also because Jimothy would be feeling so awks because we don't normally try with our art and don't think we're good at it, go show Bobby your room gal, kids love doing that and JJ can have a cuppa or something and calm down] Janis: [yeah idk what pinterest rabbit hole I'd have to go down but doubt we'd get the desired effect, I'm thinking some kind of superhero moment on top w a cape, then a tutu, then some snazzy boots, then a crown, you know exactly the moment we're wilding and Asia's sisters are gonna be like oh lmao, probably put Killer in the garden so she doesn't bowl Bobby over immediately but you can go play with her too, just keep looking at this art shamelessly 'cos he's stepped his game up and we are impressed, also finding a way to braid this rose into our hair which again doubt I'll get a photo but it'd be a lewk as well, go sit with your cuppas like the parents you are lol] Jimmy: [yeah they are usually v basic with their children's lewks you'd need instagram or like a celeb who lets their kid dress themselves and even then, might not be the vibe, Asia's sisters can honestly fuck off because we know the older one who's like younger than Cass so in my head probably like 9/10 is an even bigger bitch so, what's important is how buzzing these kids are because haven't seen each other for ages and how 😳 Jimmy is by her reaction to the art and her hair lewk and how shamelessly he'd be checking her out when she was making the tea because we know she's also wearing one] Janis: [like she's 4 hens idk what to tell ya, she does not care for your shade, we're having a time, we all know the gals, whoever be there, will be going for an overly girly look so you'd win by default but we've clearly tried 'cos want to and we know why] Jimmy: [not soz that she's not 7 going on 17 like the bday gal, idk about you but I feel like if Hollie has any siblings they are probably brothers so she has no reason to be there, so realistically none of them might be unless Grace is babysitting instead of working in the clothes shop in which case she might be but it wasn't really about any of you or for your benefit hens, plus that feels like a vibe because Asia probably was thinking she'd flirt with him] Janis: [tea, like she's a hoe so she don't care but she could've gone in if none of them were about so a mood, not soz to stop that awkwardness at all 'what continent is in his class then?'] Jimmy: [lbr Mia would be encouraging her to like she'd been trying to get Grace to when he first arrived so yeah, as for replying to the bae we just 😏 and shrugging as we make up loads of more and more ridiculous names] Janis: [we all know it, like okay ladies it's clearly not going anywhere but pop off embarrassing yourselves trying, just having a moment of doing that back and forth for the lols] Jimmy: [let it go Mia! we all know he'll have choked on his tea at least once because she is funny we weren't wrong] Janis: [we've missed this] Jimmy: [live your best lives kids even if he would keep getting distracted by the hair 🌹] Janis: ['any particular plan of attack or?'] Jimmy: ['you not leaving me on my own 'cause she'll have one for me' we're joking but lowkey where is the lie] Janis: [just a look that is like ew but obviously 'or with her ma' 'cos just imagining her as an older Asia like there's just all the generations here] Jimmy: [the look on his face would be everything because we've not even considered that] Janis: [just like mhmm, doubt you've ever met her mum in a real capacity girl but also doubt you're wrong lol 'dad did one for a reason...I'll protect you'] Jimmy: [snuggling into her like we're trying to hide which is obvs purely for the pisstake and not because we want to] Janis: [snuggling him back but in a really extra way to prove we're also in on the #bants of it all] Jimmy: ['you got a plan?' like is there anything you wanna do to fuck with the gals while we're there, blatantly still in the snugg as we say this] Janis: [thinking, not just to drag this whole experience out but you know, 'are we inviting them to the party?'] Jimmy: [drawing little ?s on her skin while she's thinking without thinking ourselves about how distracting that'd be or why we probably shouldn't rn 'depends'] Janis: [! when he's doing it but then doing it back to the depends] Jimmy: ['are we still their fake mates?' because lbr the temptation always to just tell them all to go fuck themselves and genuinely thinking about how she was gonna behave at this party if Janis wasn't there] Janis: [shrugs 'they're shit mates, we don't have to invite them and we could still use it later to fuck with them' like they'll get over the diss of not being invited so fuck it if we don't wanna] Jimmy: ['alright' boy you make me laugh does that mean you wanna invite them or you don't] Janis: [tickle him a bit like alright what, dickhead] Jimmy: [so fake offended like excuse you I'm not off my tits on Helena's pain meds today but we know he's actually okay because he's obvs ticking her back more than she did to him] Janis: [getting out 'I will kick you' but as a warning not a threat 'cos don't wanna actually injure you here boy] Jimmy: ['no you won't' lowkey sounds like a challenge there boy but we know you're saying she loves you too much 'not shit mates, us'] Janis: [a LOOK 'we're alright' 'cos didn't mean to drag you so much over a word, the feels are confusing and high] Jimmy: [return the LOOK 'and you are' because you're alright too still even though you did drag him 😏] Janis: [between 🤭 and 😳 like okay, I know, shh but we're not mad 'you' like you too bitch] Jimmy: [touch her hair like you've wanted to this entire time 'but this...' like this needs a word you won't drag me for because you've made such good choices gal 'not alright' because at the same time WE ARE AFFECTED AF] Janis: ['do something about it then' which IS a challenge but you know full well these kids are in and out/you have no time but do we care] Jimmy: [is going to pull her hair in that way that's meant to be playful and pisstakey but is saucy as all hell because of course he is] Janis: [trying so hard NOT to react and make a sound that the lip bite you have to do would be indecent Jimmy: [so indecent that he'd have to do his own while we run our thumb over her bottom lip like always] Janis: [kissing that thumb honey] Jimmy: [I hope the kids are busy because we're making a SOUND like it or not] Janis: [be in the bedroom playing happily tah] Jimmy: [you gotta because we're pulling her into our lap to kiss her] Janis: [we will let you have this 'cos you need to] Jimmy: [likewise gotta let him also pull whatever clothes he needs aside so he can do an epic lovebite somewhere where these kids nor the kids at this party can't see the massive bruise because they'd all have faded and that upsets me] Janis: [boo says not on my watch, I also sincerely hope mcvickers have gone somewhere for the day and don't just waltz in now because we are so into it] Jimmy: [soz but we've started something now without him stopping himself so we literally cannot stop, it has been forever since they last did any of this] Janis: [concerned he would never wanna again so we're doing the most rn] Jimmy: [I don't even need to say how into it he is] Janis: [bit rude of us to do this and send you to a kid's party but that's life] Jimmy: [I am that rude bitch] Janis: [if it wasn't rude to Bobby we'd just dump you on 'em but you know, this has dealt with some tension and increased the rest lmao] Jimmy: [you're welcome but also I'm soz (I'm not though) hens] Janis: [gotta stunt on Asia so she can report back] Jimmy: [we shall and it'll be glorious] Jimmy: [I was thinking there should be a person there doing the kids' make up and nails because she's 7 going on 17 and so Bobby should get his painted Libi's fave colour and vice versa] Janis: [that's cute as hell, Libi acting like this makeup lady is a facepaint one like make me this tah] Jimmy: [don't worry gal, jimothy will paint your face for you when we leave this party and it will be bomb because I feel like the makeup woman is like that hairdresser woman in the duchess who wouldn't let her daughter sit in the car] Janis: [Luckily you to lil to be made to feel embarrassed just like hmm you're not very good are you like can't make me a tiger? bit shit hen lmao] Jimmy: [sass everyone gal JJ are here for it and you know they'd also ask her to facepaint them, just coming at her with ideas until she's like please stop] Janis: [this woman trying to paint pink nails and do some sparkly gloss and we're like challenge yourself babes, also gonna scran this party food it better be good fam] Jimmy: [I hope it tastes alright at least even if it looks tacky as hell lol] Janis: [at least you can't not go the sugar route at a kids bday, can't make 'em eat salads n water lol] Jimmy: [imagine everyone dancing please, JJ be dancing, Libi and Bobby, Libi and Jimothy and Janis and Bobby] Janis: [a whole mood, imagine everyone's faces at all times it's so amusing] Jimmy: [I can't wait for when Asia reports all of this back to Mia and she sees all the content everyone is posting] Janis: [when has a boy ever, the idea of even bringing one home horrifies y'all] Jimmy: [not at all soz that he's actually the softest boy ever and loves both of these bubs instead of whatever weird barista stereotype y'all thought] Janis: [they obvs thought he was 😎 stereotype for real like ok gals] Jimmy: [omg just saw on Pinterest these cards like who knows the bday girl best that you fill in and we have to have JJ fill in some for their own lols that they obvs aren't gonna give to this child but] Janis: [that's a must omg] Jimmy: [also there should be like a cupcake decorating station or something like that because the bubs would actually have fun doing that and JJ can be competitive doing theirs] Jimmy: [photobooth goes without saying but one where the photos come out and you can keep them because then we can have so many great mems thank you] Janis: [when we're just ignoring every guest lowkey love it] Jimmy: [obvs if there are kids in your class you fuck with Bobby you can proudly introduce Libi to them, cos let's assume they aren't all dicks] Jimmy: [and lowkey Libi can introduce Bobby because he's been too shy to talk to any of y'all] Janis: [statistically, some of you must be okay lol, also some kids lowkey like the shine of a 'different' kid and like to like help, which is cute even if it's a bit like oh you special, they don't mean it like that] Jimmy: [yeah at that age they are basically just trying to be nice and helpful so it's fine] Janis: [make some friends, Libi is v sociable so this should be fun and not as terrible as you worried, we got you babe] Jimmy: [at least if Libi has got this JJ can have a sec to themselves] Janis: [got to be couple #goals too, I mean we have been but like, keep Asia away] Jimmy: [because that's the ONLY reason honey not that we just wanna] Janis: [mhmm, obvs, not like we got interrupted from going there] Jimmy: [and we obvs think she's gonna just leave after this and go do whatever so we're trying to make the most of this time as if we won't shamelessly invite her in to have her face painted] Janis: [like where does she wanna be, she didn't even wanna beforehand but especially not now lol god bless] Jimmy: [like he probably thinks she wants to go 🐕🏃 for that 💰 but you could literally take these children with you sir] Janis: [like that is what we would do but we also want a life 'cos we've not for these last 3 going on 4 years and it's getting old] Jimmy: [the tea because likewise all he does is work and look after Bobby and Cass so we just wanna live our own life] Janis: [it's both what we want and good news guys you're gonna make it] Jimmy: [gonna be such good parents because you're already doing it now when you're literally 15 and not in a good headspace/situation] Janis: [letting you have fun first, we still gotta look after these kiddos but we're gonna get rid of Ian and Cass will be old enough to help and it'll all be better] Jimmy: [sounds like they are gonna kill Ian which makes me lol] Janis: [lmao, plottwist but no, lowkey what do happen to you Ian lordt] Jimmy: [please feel free to fuck off somewhere else like back up north sir] Janis: [that's a mood, like okay, bye then] Jimmy: [but anyway before we get derailed is there anything else you wanna do at this party or shall we skip?] Janis: [we probably know the vibes, we all had a good time despite the odds and the gals are gonna get the lowdown from Asia] Jimmy: [enjoy the walk back because the kids will be running ahead buzzing off all this sugar and their good time] Janis: [you should take both dogs out as y'all are buzzing, run off their energy too] Jimmy: [good idea because Twix do need to socialise too she's just a baby] Janis: [yeah Killer is a bit older now but she's still v excitable] Jimmy: [just two 🐕 gal pals] Janis: [love stories for all lollollol] Jimmy: [imagine all the artsy pics Jimothy would be getting like a little art hoe] Janis: [we're about it, such a family unit honestly it's wild] Jimmy: [I love it but not the awkward moment when they get back to mcvickers house to take Killer home and he has to be like are you coming to have your face painted or what because fully expecting her to be like nahhh] Janis: [DO YOU WANT YOUR FACE PAINTED BITCH, just seeming like we're like HELL YEAH 'cos we do wanna come] Jimmy: [also we should say mcvickers are back for the lols] Janis: [absolutely, we would've messaged them so they weren't like HELLO but now when we're going back to his it's like SeriousParentTime™] Jimmy: [maybe they won't let Libi sleep over so she's just coming for a bit because then once Bobby crashes they can actually live] Janis: [that makes sense for now, she's probably never had a sleepover outside of the fam because she's that small so go with that] Jimmy: [and lowkey we could potentially palm Bobby off on Cass to put to bed if they wanted to go to the pub or wherever because they are both serving lewks] Janis: [have walked the dog and had 'em all day, c'mon gal lol] Jimmy: [exactly but for now go and do your facepainting sesh because I vote that Bobby is a 🐺 seeing as it's like a dog upgrade and he's feeling himself today and that Jimothy gets the bae to do him as a 💀 for that flatwhite shade] Janis: [ooh, what do you wanna be gals] Janis: [hmm, Libi should ask for a galaxy moment 'cos Star, no pressure, get abstract lmao, maybe a vampire moment for you Janis] Jimmy: [let's not think about how up close and personal facepainting is lads] Janis: [but let's lmao] Jimmy: [please go return the favour of showing Libi your room and then like go on the trampoline or something children] Janis: [live your best lives so we can be here with our face paint on lol] Jimmy: [obvs offering her more tea] Janis: [just gesturing to our face like make it blood but obvs nodding 'cos duh] Jimmy: [he is a big enough nerd to like bring you a glass of water with red food colouring in it while the kettle boils] Janis: [🙄😏 'cos he's funny too hun] Jimmy: [pretends like he's gonna snatch that 🌹 out of her hair and put it in the water but obvs doesn't actually] Janis: [fake #shooketh 'no takebacks'] Jimmy: ['you wanna kill it an' all?' just flirting and sassing nbd] Janis: ['sure, blame me when you picked it' fake tut] Jimmy: [Oi, you inspired me, it is your fault' looks up dramatically to where Bill's ghost would be floating around 'and a bit his'] Janis: [flirty smiles at where Bill is like I don't mind hehe] Jimmy: [throw something at her like we're so fake jealous and fuming] Janis: [throw something back 'he can't help being a romantic'] Jimmy: [going to make that tea like uggggggggh] Janis: don't be jealous Janis: he 💕 you too Jimmy: he's just using me to get to you Jimmy: not as thick as I look Janis: how long were you chatting to asia Janis: sounds just like her Jimmy: if she's the unappreciated genius 🖋🎭 instead of me and my 🎨 FUMING Jimmy: plot twist too far, that Janis: 😂 Janis: think you're safe Janis: much to her 💔 Jimmy: I were a bit ago an' all, tah for that Jimmy: very 💪🏆🥇 you Janis: reckon you could take her in a fight but Janis: yeah Jimmy: not THAT northern, steady on Janis: you'd be doing her a favour Janis: 🦷🦷 Janis: so fuck that Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: if I were bothered about doing other lasses favours I'd open my DMs Janis: you've mentioned Jimmy: you want owt else while I'm here? Janis: all good Janis: tah Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I'm glad he ended up having a good time Janis: and not every kid in his class is a little twat Jimmy: only be 💔🎻😭 when she goes off home Jimmy: how it should be Janis: 😏 such a purist, you Jimmy: a what? Jimmy: sounds well like you're insulting us Janis: maybe Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: LITERALLY just complimented you Janis: when? Janis: must be AGES ago Jimmy: I get it, you don't know how to tell time either Jimmy: it's alright, we'll work it out together Jimmy: [bring that tea in] Janis: [buzzing like we really need this tea, nothing to do with you] Jimmy: [we're totally also buzzing about this tea and not because she is, yep] Janis: [no one is this excited for a cuppa not even yous or us lol] Jimmy: [I like to think that he goes to kiss her and once again stops himself but this time it's only because of the face paint and we're looking in the direction of upstairs where the children are 'don't fancy having that Q&A' meaning Libi asking what happened if she appears and they have ruined it] Janis: ['she's a right cockblock' and what's meant to be a fake 😒 but we're not not lbr] Jimmy: [we're remembering when we played that game where you had to kiss without touching and reminding her about it like we could change the rules if you're up for that challenge] Janis: [nods 'cos don't trust ourselves to say ANYTHING about this idea] Jimmy: [picture this, he starts out by touching her hair OBVS because he's obsessed but then just gently pulling on her earlobe cos he would've put it in his mouth if he could've then going down her jawline and neck writing kiss or doing an ✔ depending on the surface area we have to play with using our fingertip and varying the amount of pressure depending if it would've been a hard or soft kiss and just doing that for all the skin that's available everywhere] Janis: [shan't because we can't cope and at least we can be obvious about that, these kids are busy and gotta do what we gotta do Jimmy: [gotta do what we've gotta do and we are doing the MOST on this sofa rn even though his entire family + Libi could appear any moment] Janis: [getting on top of you on this sofa even though it's a bad idea for all the above reasons, not to mention the eye contact it demands 'you're rude'] Jimmy: [but it's a good idea for the sound he would make when she did so we're unrepentant over here 'you' well done for getting the word out boy] Janis: [shaking her head and getting the most movement out of that 'you started it'] Jimmy: [pulling her even closer like yeah I did and I'm not soz] Janis: [running our finger across his neck like you should be 'Jimmy...' at least this would be quiet because we're that close but that's the only at least] Jimmy: [touching the lovebite he gave her earlier so deliberately with such intense eye contact like I am simply not though] Janis: ['takes the piss' and pouting 'cos literally vampire facepaint and she hasn't given him one yet] Jimmy: [running his thumb over that lip whilst doing his own pout because we wanna do the pouty lip bite thing SO BAD rn but we can't] Janis: [biting our lip where his thumb just was] Jimmy: [such a frustrated noise as if this wasn't his idea lol] Janis: [finally feeling like we've had a win there so we're smug] Jimmy: [tickling her like how dare you not also be dying here excuse you] Janis: [trying to pin his hands above his head like no no] Jimmy: [he's totally gonna end up pinning you to this sofa gal, just the sauciest playfight of all time happening] Janis: [we know we're breaking and we do not care, fight us Libi] Jimmy: [proud of you for lasting as long as you did tbh] Janis: [truly, have your lovebite and then some boy] Jimmy: [have to let you hook up here without anyone interrupting you or else you will both die] Janis: [have a quickie guys] Jimmy: [can't be dealing with your bad moods if you don't] Janis: [it has been days, which in your timeline is like nearly half of lmao so] Jimmy: [we all know you're extra] Janis: [gonna have to take Libi back soon gal] Jimmy: [everyone's gonna be gutted to be separated but the lads will walk you back because gentlemanly like that] Jimmy: [but for now have your tea that you're gonna have to put in the microwave because you never touched it] Janis: [my boo says HELLO] Jimmy: [also probably take your face paint off because I dread to think the state of it now] Janis: [the black face energy getting real lmao] Jimmy: [if you don't go do this together and mess about while you do by like having a water fight and only removing bits at a time so you look silly etc then I don't wanna know either of you] Janis: [obviously we must, also I think the bubbys paint should be a little smudged 'cos Libi keeps smooching him like my shameless boo] Jimmy: [so cute and I can imagine JJ just giving each other a look like 😏 because relatable] Janis: [gonna age Tess so hard gal] Jimmy: [be looking like her sim] Janis: [poor tess haha] Jimmy: [I really hope you don't actually put her through it as you're growing up hun, we've been through enough] Janis: [we do need to think about that now you exist in gen 4 kinda but like yeah, arguably we could also do bobby in the first part of the gen, ANYWAY THOUGH] Jimmy: [we could totally do some of them next if you want because we know they are gonna stay friends so] Janis: [cuteness and potential] Jimmy: [anyway is there anything else you wanna have happen before Libi goes home or no?] Janis: [we don't have to do it if you don't wanna but important to note you're obvs sleeping over right] Jimmy: [totally because I still think they should go out even if it's just to his local pub but it could also be in town out depending on the mood though I don't know how you're gonna be like DO YOU WANNA when you're yet again on this doorstep or wherever lol] Janis: [for sure, do something purely 'cos you wanna and there's no excuse or distraction] Jimmy: [exactly, because you obviously haven't yet since she got back] Janis: [or lowkey ever? you might've actually, xmas eve yeah nvm] Jimmy: [could be argued that the pub crawl was for content though whereas they literally don't need to do any more today so] Janis: [mhmm, we've slayed today, you could've gone home hun] Jimmy: [exactly and that's why this is so important but for real I don't know how he's gonna be like do you wanna not go in and come back with me yet again so there's that] Janis: [don't worry, you can probably just hook up and then be like may as well stay] Jimmy: [just throw Bobby at Cass when you get back and then you can leave] Janis: [though it might be a conversation™ 'cos she would go to leave if not immediately 'cos bit rude but early in the AM] Jimmy: [mhmm just gotta make himself too vulnerable by being like no no, hope you're at least a bit drunk guys] Janis: [sure you will be honeys, where do we wanna skip to then] Jimmy: [question is do we wanna do any of this night out and see what happens or just skip to the end? hm Janis: [always fun to do a night out, even if we skip around 'cos a lot of we know the vibe I'm sure but we can see peeps, things can happen, without it being drama central] Jimmy: [no drama please, we're trying to have a nice chill time] Janis: [exactly dr phil, and we can, there's been enough heightened emotions for a while and we've really brushed them under the rug tbh] Jimmy: [hence I'm like we should probably do this night out because when you're drunk stuff might come out] Janis: [pop off and let's ride lads] Jimmy: [the question is lads do you wanna go out out so we can really serve these lewks or stay local so you're less likely to see the world and his wife] Janis: [hmmmmm, I say go to town 'cos xmas eve you stayed local to her so go off] Jimmy: [that is true, lets go with that] Janis: [you can try and get in some of the more iconic dublin pubs and show him the sights so] Jimmy: [yeah because he wouldn't have been because he's only been here for like 2 months now and we know he's antisocial] Janis: [and you are but children, plus going out to drink on your own is depressing soz you can do lots of things alone but not that lbr] Jimmy: [literally he has done nothing since he moved here like we said before so I'm glad you have each other now] Janis: [unlikely we've done it before either 'cos age, like but we'll know where to go] Jimmy: [I vote you have to only order drinks that cliché tourists would] Janis: [really annoying cocktails they hate making etc] Jimmy: [and Guinness like you think you're doing something] Janis: [you'll be so full lol] Jimmy: 👍? Janis: 🤰 Jimmy: 👶'll be 🍀💚🎩🌈 as fuck Janis: if it makes it Janis: 🥴 Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 as you, obvs Janis: n'awh Janis: you 👍? Jimmy: I am now you've broke that news Jimmy: 😁 Janis: we're all buzzing Janis: reason to celebrate never needed when you're 🍀💚🎩🌈 but Jimmy: @iantaylor8 🏆 for most chuffed of all about the 🍀💚🎩🌈 bit Jimmy: 🍾🍻 Janis: not yours, basically white Janis: his round then? 😁 Jimmy: we'd need more luck than that to get him to 💰 owt now that 🎄 is done with Jimmy: have to kill and rob him Jimmy: but as far as celebrations go, wouldn't be 👎 Janis: let's come up  with plan #2 Janis: we can handle it Jimmy: how does the 👶 wanna do it? all about them now Janis: car bomb, obviously Jimmy: nod to its real dad Janis: pretty sure we did a big 💣 in manchester so ian will be #triggered Jimmy: just keep giving me more and more top news today, you Janis: kind of mate I am Janis: anything to see you 😁 Jimmy: [doing it IRL of course] Janis: [when he still looks good fuming tbh, squishing his face like ugh] Jimmy: [making it into a kissy face like you love me really] Janis: [pushing him away by his face but not as aggressive as that sounds and standing up to get more drinks in as Ian isn't gonna show] Jimmy: [pulls her back not as aggressive as that sounds either lol even though we know she's only leaving to get more drinks] Janis: ['oi!' and a look like whaaaaaa but it's a LOOK] Jimmy: [all the eye contact as he stands up and sit her down in his seat like no no not in your condition I will go] Jimmy: [*** unrelated to what we're doing now but I had an idea that earlier like when Bobby and Libi were doing their goodbyes cos don't need him to translate that Jimothy signed pub? at the bae in irish sign language because he doesn't know much yet and isn't trying hard to learn because he thinks they're gonna leave but he'd have learnt that as a pisstake anyway just wanted to put this here so I didn't forget that lil nugget of info my brain thought up at like 3am***] Janis: [love that for you boy, noted] Janis: [🙄 but loling like alright, if you wanna pay fine by me boy] Jimmy: [signing 'stay' from the bar because I feel like the bubs would've been doing that at Twix and Killer today so we can pretend that's purely pisstakey and no deeper] Janis: [🤨 but in a sassy manner] Janis: coming for my gig now? Jimmy: can't be taking 💰 off you that's 🍼 out the 👶's mouth Janis: you ain't gonna pay for it? Janis: rude Jimmy: OBVS, but I don't reckon 💀👑'll hear and crack on FINALLY 💰 me tips Janis: 💡 Janis: sleep with her dad, tell him it's his Janis: live off that hush 💰 Jimmy: more 🥇💡 DON'T but 🗨 you did after you've put something in his drink/ let him be a massive pisshead on it 'cause you understand him unlike his missus Jimmy: all we've faked up to now, DNA test'd be piss easy Janis: just have to snatch a bit of 💀👑's hair Janis: not hard Janis: saliva and we'd be fucked, dunno if she produces that any more Jimmy: have to hurry while she's still got hair Janis: bet #2 has some Jimmy: go round hers in a bit, can't wait, me Jimmy: 💭 if we found out 💀👑 weren't his Jimmy: they'd both be SO 💔🎻😭 to have to dump each other Janis: I wish Janis: only my family giving that level of drama Jimmy: 💔 you can't use 😭 to do a test, I'd have got Ian to crack on ages ago Janis: whoever's your dad is also Bobby's, that's for sure Jimmy: probably is him then, he ain't the sort to let his missus have bloke mates hanging round that long Janis: soz, mate Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: be a 🥇 looking 👶 at least Jimmy: all our shit parents got that bit right Janis: guess so Janis: tah for the genetics, I'll take it from here Jimmy: [bring those drinks boy and obvs get her up so you can sit back down in your seat and she can sit on you] Janis: [forever and always even though the eye contact it demands is cray, just smiling and drinking our drink] Jimmy: [likewise but also just doodling on her skin absentmindedly because we're in love and probably a bit drunk by now assumedly] Janis: ['you could do that for a job' we mean tattooist but that isn't very clear gal so we must be a lil tipsy] Jimmy: [shoutout to your future child, love that but obvs he's like ? and draws it on her] Janis: [just like ugh at ourselves 'tattoos and shit, you know' shrugs 'you got a plan?'] Jimmy: [just shrugging because we haven't let ourselves think about the future for so many reasons 'do you?'] Janis: ['nah' shakes head 'but I'll get by, don't need more, like'] Jimmy: [nodding because we get it and doing a cheers with this drink] Janis: [drink to that lads 'if anything, easier to walk dogs when I've got a car'] Jimmy: ['any time you wanna borrow Ian's, crack on' we're just thinking that he's too happy and settled rn and we need to annoy him more lol] Janis: [😏 and cheersing again like tah] Jimmy: number of 🐕s, should probably nick a 🚍 instead though Janis: can do that too Jimmy: can 😴 there an' all if you need to Jimmy: stretch out Janis: living in one seems like something my ma'd do though Janis: ❌ Jimmy: bet your shit nan's church group'd have their 👀 on it Janis: [visibly 😒] Janis: goes without saying Jimmy: [a lil feelsy lean like soz because we know she sucks even if we don't know what happened] Janis: [using it to push him off in a jokey get off kinda way, like you ain't sat on him rn] Jimmy: [messing about like you're both gonna dramatically fall off this chair but then lowkey hurting himself a lil bit though we're obvs playing that off as fake too but it's real because yet again we've had a very busy day and done so much as if we're perfectly fine] Janis: [picking him back up and steadying him like you okay boy? and nudging his drink towards his lips like that'll help] Jimmy: [down that drink boy] Janis: [just lowkey having a feel of his stomach/ribs etc like you gotta check] Jimmy: [😏 cos we're pretending she's doing it to flirt with us obvs like she just can't keep her hands to herself ever which is true but also shh sir] Janis: [going with it 'cos not not true and we know it makes him awks but we still wanna] Jimmy: [kissing her because we always just want to] Janis: [have this makeout sesh whilst giving him a massage casually] Jimmy: [excuse us people in this pub] Janis: [looks dodgier than it is frankly] Jimmy: [love how shameless you both are and how often you just behave like you're the only two people around] Janis: [we're so unbothered by other people unless they're really in our faces about it] Jimmy: [mhmm hence we're just saying we missed her and how much in between kisses because we have and we're obvs so into everything she's doing rn] Janis: ['did you?' 'cos 'course we don't believe him/it] Jimmy: [stop kissing her for long enough you can hold that eye contact so she knows you mean it but then kiss her more intensely obvs] Janis: [going in even harder 'cos definition of !!! about it] Jimmy: [have a moment because it's deserved and needed and it'll shut him up from saying any more for a sec] Janis: [saying nothing in this pub but people should do something/be staring or say something so we can move huuuuuuuun] Jimmy: [that's realistic so yes] Janis: [we going about this town] Jimmy: [twirl her like you would've done when you were at this kid's party earlier please boy] Janis: [dance down these streets but don't fall tah] Jimmy: [and don't knock into anyone either because we don't need that drama] Janis: [no fighting shakira shakira] Jimmy: [not tonight thank you] Janis: [we gotta get drunk and spill secrets] Jimmy: [confess as many feelings as we dare] Janis: [heheheh, getting shots in that vein] Jimmy: [good idea boo] Janis: 🥃🥃🥃 Jimmy: 🥳🥳🥳 Janis: partying for 2 Jimmy: remind me to @ Asia 7 years from now to let her know how to throw a 🎁🎂🎈 that ain't all 💅💄 Janis: you ain't bad at face painting Janis: can have that Jimmy: tah very much Jimmy: be alright as long as Libi don't have me doing it whenever I see her Jimmy: be a bit weird if I have to carry a full face painting kit about Janis: you don't need to be that whipped Janis: won't hurt her to hear a nah every once and a while Jimmy: no need to be jealous, Jules Jimmy: you're still my muse Janis: piss off Jimmy: I'll 🥺🥺 for 2 if you make me Janis: go ahead Jimmy: [does] Janis: [regret 'cos we feeling all the things now] Jimmy: [carve that JJ love heart into the pub table like see you're my muse and ILY] Janis: [just tracing our finger round and round this heart] Jimmy: [literally is about to draw a heart on her and I'm like boy stop] Janis: ['your ex really cheat on you?' like why would he lie, but can't believe it] Jimmy: ['what kind of question is that?' because genuinely not something he expected her to ask rn] Janis: [a shrug like soz 'just what I was thinking about'] Jimmy: [a nudge but a gentle one 'what you thinking about her for?' sir she's thinking about you] Janis: [tuts like ugh, making me explain myself, how rude lol 'are you a shit real boyfriend or what?' like why would she if you were how you're faking now] Jimmy: [a shrug like 1. probably because the messy time after his mum disappeared 2. they were young af and neither of them had good role models clearly but we don't wanna really get into either of those things 'depends on the scale' like compared to who hun because lbr not an Ian or Mia's dad but we weren't #goals] Janis: [nods like we get it 'cos we do even though not personally like that might suggest, the shakes her head like let's move on 'cos accidentally brought the vibe down and we didn't mean to 'whatever, none of my business'] Jimmy: [leaves the ex's @ in this chat whatever it is like @ her for her POV if you like but irl we're shrugging again because we're so over her just not the mum mems of that era] Janis: 🤐 Janis: [dranking this drank faster] Jimmy: [nudges her like hey it's alright] Jimmy: *🔊 Janis: [😏 'not there yet' like let's go back to bants] Jimmy: where are you then? Janis: 🥺 of course Janis: you're quite inspiring too Jimmy: show me Janis: [😳 and can't do it back 'cos now we've got the giggles like stop it] Janis: can't just 👏 like Jimmy: [we're just 😍 af because she's adorable bye] Jimmy: alright, if there's no 👏 have to take back that 🌹 and your 🏆s Jimmy: go together them Janis: well now I'm 😠 Janis: [does that instead] Jimmy: [does a 📷 mime and then wordlessly goes to get her some kind of forfeit drink for not being oscar worthy af] Janis: [doing it now he's further away 'cos easier] Jimmy: you're rude, said it earlier Janis: you Jimmy: you Janis: [points] Jimmy: [signs it which I lowkey do think is just a point but anyway] Janis: 👆 Janis: the point emojis are crap Jimmy: 💔 Janis: looks more come here Janis: which don't not work rn but Jimmy: but do come here Janis: [making our way over, of course] Jimmy: [checking her out as she does obvs and when she does get there gesturing like get this barman's attention please because it's busy but she's a hot girl so she'll have more luck] Janis: [do the least to do the most such is your privilege babe] Jimmy: [kiss her like thank you because we weren't trying to stand there all night] Janis: [the barman like aw lmao] Jimmy: #👻problems Janis: #🍆problems Jimmy: fuming if it's a not a lass serving next Janis: fuming if it is, obvs Jimmy: if you're 😠 again, I'll be back at chuffed to bits Jimmy: so cute Janis: [fake punches him] Jimmy: [writes hate across her knuckles because I am not letting you write love boy stop it] Janis: [takes off the e by pretending to cut off the pinky] Jimmy: [😏 and draws the 🎩 on the back of her hand for that irish af vibe] Janis: [writes 'pot' on the other hand like there you go, pot of gold too] Jimmy: [draw a 🌈 on that one and 💰] Janis: [lols like lovely 'told you you had a future in it'] Jimmy: [just shaking his head because we can't take a compliment] Jimmy: you gonna name this 👶 something I can't pronounce or what? Janis: [raising our brows sassily like not hard] Janis: you can name it Janis: guilt trip move Jimmy: 🤔🤔💭 Jimmy: What's Mia's daddy's name? Jimmy: got a lie to sell here Janis: 🤔 Janis: maybe Michael or something, idk Janis: Miles Jimmy: Miley he'll love that Janis: meet your new sister Mia Jimmy: sister and step mum Janis: not even weird for me Jimmy: Libi must've missed that bit when she were doing the family tree Janis: thank fuck Janis: only so much you need to hear Jimmy: what were it you said about my ages old 💔? Jimmy: nowt to do with me, that Janis: nor me Jimmy: I told you before, up to you what you wanna 🗨 Janis: you pick Jimmy: your full list's all I want Janis: [a LOOK] Jimmy: [one back always] Jimmy: you owe me the one Janis: true Janis: remind me what I've said Jimmy: 1. 🚬👃 2. 🎤🗨 3. 💋 4. 🖕✌️🤟 is a might be, you never said it were or weren't for definite 5. 🤝 6. 💫 dunno what else to do for freckles so Janis: [impressed he remembered 'cos obviously did not just look through like my boo just had to lol] Janis: don't wanna repeat, wouldn't be fair Jimmy: [when it's really important to you because you literally told her in that convo that nobody has ever been this nice to you and it's obvs true] Jimmy: so go on Janis: it's unfair you took 👀s Janis: when yours are like ☀️ Janis: but I like your brows too Jimmy: you're ☀ Jimmy: and you know I'm fuming you took 💋 an' all Jimmy: but we've both got smell on there so I'm not gonna stop you rating what you rate Janis: take it as a whole Janis: you have pretty lashes too Janis: it's Jimmy: that'll get out of hand when I just say your entire face Jimmy: or your whole body Janis: everything about you Jimmy: that an' all Janis: [and I oop, just like our drink looks so interesting rn because dying] Jimmy: [a soft 'hey' because of course like 👀 at me] Janis: [you gotta look up gal 'yeah?' also soft] Jimmy: [gestures at her to come here like you literally didn't just get kicked out of a pub for this] Janis: [do though who are we] Jimmy: [we're softly but insistently kissing the bae's throat like we can coax words out cos so much we wanna say and so much we wanna hear] Janis: [the noise we are making, running our hands through his hair goes to gripping it 'you're not-' 'I'm supposed-' can we finish a sentence? no] Jimmy: [just doing it again like do you wanna finish a sentence gal and not at all because of her other reaction of course not] Janis: ['stop it' but in the most don't stop tone imaginable 'cos at least that's a sentence] Jimmy: [we're not but we are smooching the side of her neck instead] Janis: ['coming for my gig again' and moving to the side so you've gotta smooch for reals] Jimmy: [have a lil make out lads] Janis: [again lollol] Jimmy: [can't and won't be tamed, we're doing what we want tonight] Janis: [speaking of, you should get some good scran, idk what but I'm sure there's some bomb takeout vibes] Jimmy: [definitely, I doubt there was much savoury food at that party] Janis: [you can walk n eat n mayhaps talk hmm] Jimmy: [and snuggle because it's probably cold] Janis: [even if it's stopped snowing, deffo] Jimmy: [obvs just nudging her as you go along like you alright? because this boy loves checking in] Janis: [nudges him back like aren't you?] Jimmy: [smiling because we're having a lovely time] Janis: [😍 'good'] Jimmy: [😍 and doing the handhold swingy thing as we walk] Janis: ['you're alright, you know, not boring' just sounds like you thought he was but we mean in comparison to other peeps] Jimmy: ['when did you reckon I were boring? but we're amused 'bit rude'] Janis: [a face like oi but also amused 'no, I just didn't know you weren't before'] Jimmy: ['I knew you weren't' which makes you sound like a stalker or something lol but we're too drunk to think that through clearly] Janis: ['no you didn't' not just to be contrary we're just like lies lmao] Jimmy: [his own oi face 'wouldn't have picked you if I didn't' because true] Janis: [just narrowing our eyes like suspish but okay 'well I knew you didn't chat shit constantly, or try hard like most lads do' shrugs like bitch I noticed you too] Jimmy: [🤐 mime like well yeah I don't say anything and shrugging back 'no need' because he doesn't feel like he has anything to brag about genuinely and obvs we don't have any reason to try hard for the people we don't care about] Janis: [just gesturing like yes, my point exactly 'don't stop 'em, does it'] Jimmy: [gets out the phone we've literally not looked at all night, frowns at it and puts it back without actually bothering to do anything except make a point 'the lasses either, but that's not the kind of dickheads we are'] Janis: [shakes her head like no we are not and puts her hand out for him to shake] Jimmy: [does and then does pull her in for a hug because always 'chuffed it were you' from within this hug] Janis: ['we've done a good job' also from within the hug] Jimmy: [shaking his head because we don't wanna call it a job when literally you always do sir and also that now looks like you don't think this is going well] Janis: [looking at him when you pull back like ? because how it looks] Jimmy: ['not just a shift I'm putting in, you'] Janis: ['I dunno why I had a go about that' just like how cringe of me to show I gave a shit ugh] Jimmy: ['don't you?' and a shrug 'alright then' like oh are we just pretending we don't give a shit tonight okay cos we're sassy] Janis: [little lol 'don't take the piss' 'you know what I mean. meant. whatever'] Jimmy: ['don't sound like me that' 😏 because she literally said he's not a dickhead but he takes the piss] Janis: [getting SO close and making him stop walking so you can whisper in his ear 'it sounds exactly like you' and nipping his earlobe when you say 'sounds'] Jimmy: [saying 'fuck' with SO much feeling how they do] Janis: [nods like that's what I want to and looks around like we picked the wrong location lol] Jimmy: [looks in the direction they'd have to go to retrace their steps like if you wanna go we can go because Ian's stash forever] Janis: [follows his gaze like we could but eventually shakes her head 'we've got time, more places you need to see first if you wanna be a proper tourist'] Jimmy: [nods because 🥇 or nowt is the mantra but we're kissing her really hard first so she knows we're not just chill and we feel the tension and want the same things] Janis: [have your moment and take one before the next location] Jimmy: [for once I doubt you're the only peeps being extra at least such are the joys of town] Janis: [people always cracking on you're fine, even if you cared, which we are far beyond] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [full drunk by now, never mind all our feels] Jimmy: [they should go somewhere they can do some grooving because not something they've done a lot of because of her ankle happening] Janis: [good thinking boo, hit the clerb, whole different vibe] Jimmy: [how cinematic when juxtaposed against the dancing at the kids party earlier lol] Janis: [day and night honey] Jimmy: [another good excuse for more shots because you can't dance and hold a big drink] Janis: [ooh, maybe Harry could be there Janis: we can just see and ignore him but intro that 'cos haven't yey] Jimmy: [I just nearly gasped because yes we do need to do that before all the sports stuff starts and she runs into him in a way she can't swerve] Janis: [it seems legit you could be out with your mates boy, you could be a bit older/look it too, it's believable you ain't the gals, maybe if she's getting drinks or Jimmy is he can come up but it'll look like just another random tryna hit her up] Jimmy: [that seems legit to me too] Janis: [but obviously it'd put her in some type of mood] Jimmy: [might also open a line of dialogue though so] Janis: [mhmm] Jimmy: [what way round do you wanna do it because obvs if he goes to get drinks and comes back to find them talking or whatever he'll be like bitch excuse me but if she was getting drinks and runs into him that way he won't even see Harry/know about that interaction] Janis: [maybe he goes to get them, it makes it easier, even if Harry literally walks away as he comes back 'cos that kind of snekk, he'd still see but they always getting hit on so he wouldn't assume that was responsible and be like oh I get it, yknow] Jimmy: [he'll just be like 🤨 looking him over as Harry walks away  but yeah not concerned and more jokey because it does happen always and he knows she can handle it] Janis: [just 😒 watching him go] Jimmy: [handing her these shots because we just think like we said he's a stranger and she'll be over it in a sec] Janis: [down it with vigour hun] Jimmy: [likewise because that's just how shots are, you gotta go in] Janis: [ick] Jimmy: [have never enjoyed a single one I've ever had but they are not J potato] Janis: [who is babe, go get your groove on aggressively] Jimmy: [hope it's not a slow jam and I especially hope Harry is not also hitting the dancefloor with some gal] Janis: [oh lawd, we're not doing that cliche of catching eyes dancing with other people boy, I think not] Jimmy: [you think you're that important Harold but you're honestly not] Janis: [accidentally making him think you're that into him, nah] Jimmy: [but anyway I shall start a convo when we've been dancing for an age and you're clearly still 😒 hun] Jimmy: What? Janis: what do you mean what? Jimmy: what's wrong? Janis: what do you reckon makes clubs smell so bad Janis: apart from all the sweat, that's obvious Jimmy: answer me, dickhead Janis: I'm alright, seriously Jimmy: bollocks Janis: ugh Janis: it's nothing though Jimmy: *something Jimmy: you wanna go outside? Janis: [mimes 🚬] Janis: sure Jimmy: [taking her hand like let's go] Janis: [smoking area moment, not like you'll be alone they're always packed] Jimmy: [lighting you both up and giving her a sec] Janis: ['just know that lad' shrugging like that explains that] Jimmy: ['and what?' because we're not letting it just drop] Janis: [after a while thinking and stopping and starting 'and- everyone else is a dickhead, yeah'] Jimmy: how much of a dickhead is he? Janis: no more than average, I suppose Janis: 💪🍆🔥👑 Janis: you know the sort Jimmy: yeah, what I dunno is why you're so bothered Janis: just didn't fancy seeing anyone I knew out Jimmy: you barely did do Janis: then let's go somewhere else after this Janis: forget about it Janis: [smiling at him like it's not fake but we're forcing this vibe rn] Jimmy: can you? Janis: yeah Jimmy: alright Janis: sorry Janis: he's just some twat Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: it's alright Janis: its not Janis: we're having a nice time Janis: meant to be Jimmy: I meant, he's doing your head in, you're not doing in mine Jimmy: we're alright Jimmy: nice is a bit rude though, as descriptions go Janis: [a LOOK up like 😏] Janis: how'd you describe it then Jimmy: not like we're sat in having a ☕🍪 with our kid and his missus Jimmy: but if you need a review then Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: that'd be it Janis: are you saying that's the definition of nice or a better time Janis: either way I have some questions Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Jimmy: it's obvs the definition of nice 👵👴💕 Janis: [shakes head as we get up like oh you 'leave you to it then'] Jimmy: [not letting you go gal putting his arms around her like no no 'Oi, I just gave you a top review, what more do you want?'] Janis: ['can always do better' and taking his hand like let's go, stay outta our way Hazza we got places to be] Jimmy: ['than you rating me boring and nice, yeah' but we're amused of course and doing another twirl as we go] Janis: ['I did not!' and a pouty face like how dare YOU suggest I did] Jimmy: [thank god we can do the pouty lip thing this time and nothing can stop us] Janis: [freedom] Jimmy: [You're welcome lads] Janis: [y'all can do what you want like going to the toilets and living that cliche moment] Jimmy: [not the first time, we all remember pub crawl, but it would be busier so pluses and minuses to that] Janis: [we gotta for a myriad of reasons still not about you though Harry but you've put us in a mood to prove some things so tah] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [get out of this clerb and into a different one, better or worse, idk what's more fun tbh] Jimmy: [again it's not about you Harold] Janis: [soz we have such a dramatic reaction to seeing you lmao like hell to the no] Jimmy: [it's deserved you're not a good egg] Janis: [we'd be more chill if we weren't drunk, like he's just gonna come over and ruin everything, he might try tbf, run lads and continue grooving] Jimmy: [we're on a touristy tour here sir gotta move along] Janis: [you are not invited good day, back on the shots shots shots] Jimmy: [don't at all look forward to seeing you soon hun] Janis: [at least we're not doing the grace of it all now, although, continuously triggering everyone 'cos that's what they think Liam did with Edie to be around Rio, which yeah at first but shh] Jimmy: [the temptation to do that again now you've said that lol] Janis: [yeah, it came to me as I typed it lol] Jimmy: [fuck it let's do it, we can totally make him her baby daddy for that hot sec to really trigger everyone haha] Janis: [no offence to your barrenness but THANK GOD don't actually need babies from lies] Jimmy: [I can't do that to you gal even if we could] Janis: [would not be cute, he'd be tryna pay for your abortion like] Jimmy: [it's so far from #goals as is nobody needs that] Janis: [it's even worse than drew and caleb soz my love but no, hence ali had to be like no no in that convo we did when we did it before] Jimmy: [but what if that's when she gets her nose ring because it's like a Cameron trying to get Nicki to wear Chloe's lipstick situation!] Janis: [🤢 OMG, you can use all the really tryhard stuff of late, like, we know you would babe] Jimmy: [Sammi's moment of trying to be black will actually be useful to me, who knew] Janis: [just thinking about the wurls wig and dying 'cos it looked so bad oh gal] Jimmy: [HARD SAME] Janis: [and I oop, we're gonna lose our mind with you] Jimmy: [the drama] Janis: [oh lord] Jimmy: [anyways back to this, do you wanna do a skip or have you got things you wanna have happen rn off the back of this Harry situation?] Janis: [we can probably skip to going home even? we know how the nights gonna go and it'll be fun and feelsy but that's the STAY of it all] Jimmy: [true I just didn't wanna rush you gal if you had stuff you wanted to say or do before that so] Janis: [nah we good I just wanted to establish him so when he crops back up later we've got this vague memory like oh] Jimmy: [it was a good way to do it boo, good thinking] Janis: [big brain booty] Janis: [where would you like to hook up/where are you then gonna try to leave from] Jimmy: [do you wanna be at his gaff or are you thinking before they get there?] Janis: [his makes sense for going to mcvickers after] Jimmy: [be having a nightcap and all the sauciness that entails but then try and leave gal] Janis: [like gotta go before anyone wakes, sure you're being well loud tbh lads but okay] Jimmy: [as excuses go a very legit one and also the bubs do wake up well early like what time even is it] Janis: [but also who cares you've been on a minibreak together] Jimmy: [literally] Janis: [baby its cold outside Jimmy: [what's your vibe like is she gonna say anything or is she just casually getting ready to leave?] Janis: [I think just getting ready when she thinks he's passed out but we're drunk so we're clearly not making a good go of doing it stealth here lol] Jimmy: [obvs gonna chuck something at her then like excuse you] Janis: [#shooketh and thus doing angry whispers 'what was that for dickhead?!'] Jimmy: ['where you going?' as if that's not obvious because we're drunk so it's not] Janis: [dramatically shushing him which in itself is louder than you're being already probs 'trying not to wake anybody up here'] Jimmy: [a sarcastic but amused 👍 because that's going well and then repeating our question] Janis: [throwing whatever he threw at us back like don't be fucking rude 'home' which you gotta stop saying when you mean mcvickers 'cos sounds like you planning to trek] Jimmy: [catching it and being really proud of ourselves with our expression but then frowning because we do think she means she's going home 'you're not, there's no buses for ages' because again what weird am is this lol] Janis: [😏 and a sassy fake clap for him 'Oh, I mean my nans' like my bad 'before he's getting up for work or...whatever'] Jimmy: [dramatically shushing her for the clap like she did to him a sec ago 'it's the weekend' because it is 'only dickheads like us do Sundays'] Janis: ['oh' when you genuinely forgot but now it seems like you lyin' lmao] Jimmy: [when you get up v dramatically to be up in her grill like 👀 cos are you lying gal but when we're standing there we just get distracted by like moving her hair out of her face and fixing her clothes and generally being soft and close and helpful] Janis: ['you-' and then getting distracted by his lack of clothing for a sec like oh '-you don't have to be nice, you know'] Jimmy: ['stop calling me nice, dickhead' but softer than the words suggest and not just because we are this close and whispering] Janis: ['stop being nice then' in a challenge type of way] Jimmy: [push her back onto this bed boy but in a hot way not a dangerous one] Janis: [definition of that 😈 tbh] Jimmy: [whatever she's managed to put on he's taking off, RIP to this dress or whatever if you don't survive] Janis: [running our fingers through his hair again for the throwback to earlier 'you're SO nice, baby'] Jimmy: [giving her a massive lovebite near to wherever he did that first one way earlier and going as hard for that throwback as well because we're 😈 ] Janis: [when you're egging him on telling him how nice he is over and over but then you do the biggest gasp] Jimmy: [going over the OG one as well because it's right there tempting us 'I'll do whatever you want for as long as you're here, nice, not nice, owt else' like don't go gal] Janis: [just about getting out 'but what do you want?'] Jimmy: ['you' because true and we're drunk so we can answer a question 'I keep saying I don't want you to go anywhere' because he literally said it on the school trip in those words when they were doing an activity and having a little domestic and god knows how many times we've either said it or tried to make it clear since] Janis: ['me...' which we ALMOST phrase as a question, such is our disbelief/how much we've been caught off guard by that despite how obvious it is to us all but it's okay catch up gal 'and I keep saying you can have me' because we have and we mean it] Jimmy: ['you say it but then you- look and gesture towards the door like you were literally trying to leave and you know we're thinking about when she properly left] Janis: ['I never wanna stay if you want me to leave' a pause like I know that doesn't sound like it makes sense now you've said that but 'because I wanna be with you a lot...like all the fucking time and-'] Jimmy: ['I don't want either of us to leave' the tea and also how sad and soft his voice would be about that because we think it's looming over us 'if I had any fucking choice, I'd pick this, just give me the same back'] Janis: [kissing him hard, but not JUST kissing him like we usually would when we can't say what we want/don't know what to say 'okay' just as sad but serious like this ain't no game 'I'm scared but okay'] Jimmy: [holding her but not JUST how he would when he doesn't want her to go 'it's alright, when you're about, I'm not' like you can be scared gal cos I feel safe with you and it's the only time I ever do so I've got this] Janis: ['that's why I am' from deep inside this hug like we barely saying it but we are] Jimmy: ['bit of pressure, I get it' because we know we're saying there that everything else is shit and you're the only good thing keeping us going and that's a lot] Janis: [shaking our head 'I mean-' big sigh 'cos even if we're drunk it's a lot to say '-the more amazing it is now, the more there's going to be to miss'] Jimmy: ['there were loads to miss ages ago' because lbr the moment you started this you were in too deep and deeper than you've been with anyone else 'it weren't like owt else I've felt kissing any other lass soon as we had that first go at it' drunkenly spilling that tea] Janis: ['Ive never felt anything before' 'cos likewise] Jimmy: ['alright, no need to one up me that hard' cos you don't believe that's even possible lowkey when she clearly feels so much with you] Janis: [soft nudge 'I can't help the truth'] Jimmy: [one back obvs 'as competitions go, not fuming to lose this one'] Janis: ['I have kissed other people' like don't think he thought you were saying that but okay] Jimmy: [a sound like yeah obvs/no shit because we weren't thinking that 'but they were shitter at it than whatever review of me you're gonna @ my ex for, I get it' because not letting go that she brought that up but we're not mad about it still just amused] Janis: ['must be' shrugs 'knock to the ego can't hurt' not gonna go drunk text him the shade though tah 'was not, I was just asking a question' like stop it but we're not mad really] Jimmy: ['I don't care about how them dickheads feel, her included, just you'] Janis: [smile 'I can get behind that'] Jimmy: [smile back 😍] Janis: ['you're the cutest person I've ever seen' and putting our fingers in his dimples like oop] Jimmy: [a lil lol which we can't help even as we shake our head because no gal you are 'need to look in the mirror more, you'] Jimmy: [lowkey trying to drag her to where the nearest mirror is like is that even this room or are you trying to go to the bathroom? boy shh] Janis: [don't actually wake this bub you're lowkey too drunk to deal with him boy, 'cos we're so amused and playfighting him as silently as we can like noooo 'you you you'] Jimmy: [thank god we made him deaf because Libi would 1000% be awake by now lol, just drunkenly taking so many pictures of her face and so many weird close ups as we playfight and showing her them all like no look it's you] Janis: [just a fight to delete them as if 1. you look bad in any really 2. he's just gonna post them all rn] Jimmy: [we know you just wanna fight so he can pin you again for that saucy throwback] Janis: [obvs, we do not need to deny] Jimmy: [we'll let you have that moment and ensuing hook up during which you can call her baby in a way that is not at all a pisstake for the first time because we're drunk and feelsy enough for this] Janis: [just die bye, safe to say you won't be trying to go anywhere after that] Jimmy: [you gotta snuggle and snooze and be happy]

[rosemaryfm]

『ANYA TAYLOR JOY ❙ CIS FEMALE』 ⟿ looks like LYDIA MONTGOMERY is here for HER JUNIOR year as a COMMUNICATIONS student. SHE is 21 years old & known to be HOPEFUL, IDEALISTIC, DEPENDENT & MALLEABLE. They’re living in PERKINS, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ JAMES. 21. EST. SHE/THEY.

hllo. .. sorry fr switching muses so suddenly .. bt lydia will stick. i swear. as always gib this a like if u’d like 2 plot <3

TW ABANDONMENT, DEATH MENTIONS, BORDERLINE IMPLIED

aesthetics.

knee highs and platform mary janes, tulle skirts and bubbles and beads and lace, and heart-shaped mirrors and heart-shaped bruises, gaudy mirrors and gaudy faucets and gaudy frames and chandeliers and gaudy gold, handwritten love letters and kiss-stained envelopes, flowers braided in hair and dying flowers in vases and flowers pressed in between pages, vintage perfume bottles and old ballet slippers and discarded head-shots, short skirts and satin slips and tiny cardigans, melted candles and burnt fingertips and dripping wax, floral baths and beach waves and seashells and summer breezes, renaissance paintings and statues and praying hands and rosaries and empty beds, masks and identities and sobbing and crying and yearning and wishing and learning and wanting and needing and the cycle repeating and repeating and repeating.

basic info.

full name: lydia rosemary montgomery

nickname(s): lydia delia, lyds

b.o.d. - june 22nd, cancer

label(s): the allegiant, the chameleon, the crestfallen, the facade, the gregarious, the grifter, the malleable, the marionette, the neophyte, the obsequious, the rose-colored glass, the sybarite, etc. ...

height: 5′7″

hometown: new york city, new york

sexuality: bisexual

pinterest

stats

inspired by: amy march (little women), lydia bennet (pride & prejudice), lucy pevensie (narnia), daisy buchanan (the great gatsby), moira rose (schitt’s creek), karen smith (mean girls)

biography.

the product of an affair between christian montgomery, an esteemed doctor at his hospital - and one of the nurses there, allison dermont. the half sister of caleb montgomery (shoutout 2 alli!)

named after her maternal grandmother (deceased before lydia even turned one) and rosemary because it reminded allison of her childhood (rosemary always in the air, growing from pots on their porch and baked into the bread they’d eat)

growing up, lydia never knew her father. but she knew of him - her mother told her stories often of him, and the work he did to save others. built him up as a hero, a role model, someone admirable and brave and just despite the fact he’d no longer look her in the eyes when crossing paths in the hospital’s hallways. lydia idolized him.

was a very lonely child - her mother worked long hours, and babysitters were often distant. tended to attach herself to them, anyways, clinging to legs and arms and having to be peeled off and scolded (which then resulted in tantrums, of thrown toys and stomping feet and red, tearful faces)

her schoolmates were cruel to her, an easy target as a child - she followed behind the girls who seemed the most well liked, trying to mimic how they were. it’d always been a little off, and a little off-putting, and she cried often.

abandonment issues led to an obsession with perfection - as if she accomplished the most, her father would be blown away with her talents when he finally reached out. it’d always been a hope for her - her father contacting her, bringing her into his life. being a full family, loved and attended to. 

strove for the highest marks in all her classes, though there’d been hiccups here and there. she’d done ballet for a number of years before her dance instructor had essentially told her she’d never make it to a company, which led to her abruptly quitting. even put out a portfolio and contacted modeling agencies - she’d done a few small photoshoots as a teenager, but she’d never made it to anything big.

tried her hardest to act and work the part of someone important, elegant and better than who she really was. it showed in the aesthetics she indulged in (thrifted nearly everything she owned, from trinkets to her clothing) and the way she acted. in high school, she trailed behind the popular girls. molded her personality to cater to them, to be more like them. a mean girl, in a way. 

did the same when it came to boyfriends and lovers - she’d mold herself into exactly what they wanted, tried to be the perfect girlfriend for them, or sexual partner, or anything. she just wanted the attention, the love. had a myriad of relationships in high school (and it bled into college, too) where she’d give her all, and ultimately end up used and disappointed.

never felt like the first choice, only the second. always the bridemaid, never the bride. never good enough, no matter how hard she tried. but always remained hopeful - idealistic, always thinking that she’d get her turn one day. optimistic, but with lowering self-esteem and a mountain of insecurities.

became something of a habitual liar, in the process - always wanting to seem better than she was, so she lied about where she lived (instead of a measly apartment, she lived in a penthouse) and her accomplishments and her experience, and her feelings and who her parents were.

found something she was genuinely good at during her senior year of high school, when she’d chosen a fashion elective for one of her class periods. the practical aspect, she was good at - creatively? she had nothing to offer.

because of her lack of ideas, she never pursued it further. in college she chose to go into communications, specializing in public relations, though she’d never thought of actually finishing college. it was just a way for her to find a beau, to marry - to leave new york and have children. has always wanted to be a housewife with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids. to be loved and held for the rest of her life.

without cliques in college, it was hard for her to find her footing among peers. joined a sorority, molded her personality once more into something they would desire, and was accepted. got a frat boyfriend until it burned out, and another, and another, until she had something of a reputation.

with all of these expenses adding up - lydia’d never wanted to work a retail job, or food service, or anything measly like that - she found use for her sewing skills in the back of npc shops. worked in a shady operation producing fake designer items. she’d been excellent at producing exact replicas.

it wasn’t a very safe job and it’d ended her up in danger on some occasions, but it paid, and she was desperate.

met caleb for the first time at his mother’s funeral and became obsessed with the idea of having a brother, of being closer to her father somehow. cyberstalked him as much as she could and found radcliffe, where she eventually transferred to when caleb had decided to go back. practically followed him like a lost dog.

got into perkins because she literally pre-wrote her essay to get in and basically sobbed her story in front of secretaries and deans and housing faculty until she’d been granted permission to move in.

currently interning at a company where she has control over their social media accounts, alongside a team of other interns. when she’s feeling particularly upset she’ll post passive aggressive or straight up distraught, distressing messages (tweets, captions, etc.) on their official accounts, sometimes featuring the mascot of the company/brand. they haven’t figured out its her, yet.

personality.

i won’t lie. she’s a bit of a mess. 

constantly changes her personality to fit whoever she’s talking to, desperate for their approval in even the most minimal ways. consistently lies about literally ... whatever, sometimes for no reason, if it’ll make her seem cooler or better in some way. type of person who wants to one-up others.

excessive, in that way. clingy and pushy, she tends to latch onto people and designate her ‘favorites’ - their opinion means the world to her, and when it falters she essentially crumbles as a person.

pretty fragile as a person - emotional, and unable to be yelled at because she’ll wind up crying. takes a lot of things very personally, and always accuses herself as being the problem, which leads to her changing aspects of herself.

loves often, and viciously, will fall for someone at the drop of a hat. yearns, often. sulks often, too.

still has a ballerina’s posture, model’s demeanor, very upright and it could be mistaken as intimidating, though the facade cracks immediately when she speaks. loves gossip and unintentionally - or, intentionally - spreads it at the drop of a hat.

can get very possessive, and jealous, and outright mean. very highly defensive at times, when pushed (it doesn’t take much to push her)

sentimental to a fault - she still has her last pair of ballet slippers despite the fact that she’d dropped that pursuit when she was fifteen.

her room is adorned with mirrors, handheld and mountable and tabletop - they’re all heart-shaped.

has an obsession with hearts, actually, and florals, and gold, when it comes to decor. has hanging plants and flowers falling from her ceiling. her sink is a gold swan (her favorite animals are swans) faucet that she paid to get installed without permission from perkins.

basically her decor is very gaudy. loves fur coats and silk slips and mini skirts, brandy melville, platforms and socks. very specific style that she doesn’t falter from, often.

takes baths often to distress but setting them up is an hour-long process in itself, flowers and herbs and candles surrounding her tub. she’ll stay in there until she’s pruny and the water’s gone cold.

likes to garner sympathy when she can - though she herself tends to be a very sympathetic, compassionate, person. cries for others even when they’re not crying themselves. it’s a lot. tends to make things about herself, in some way.

a smoker, and a bad one at that, does it whenever she feels the slightest amount of stress. she’s very stressed, very often.

likes the aesthetic of art, like renaissance paintings and roman statues, but isn’t deeply knowledgeable on them.

very impressionable, easy to impress, and is loyal to a definite fault. doesn’t tend to give up on people, and holds out for the best.

a dreamer, excessively hopeful and idealistic - is often let down. wears rose-colored glasses and doesn’t see it, anyways. can be vicious, but ultimately just wants to be loved. obsessed with the idea of it.

very finicky and picky, but is also? a hypocrite? says she’s a vegan but she isn’t - she has indulged in mcdonalds nuggets more than once.

very materialistic in that she loves high-end things that she ... can’t afford, but is also financially irresponsible and loves to spend her money on things she absolutely doesn’t need. selfish and immature, at times.

vastly insecure, likes reassurance. double texts. overthinks. romanticizes.

laughs when she’s nervous - laughs a lot.

patient until she’s impatient, the reason why she burns her tongue and the roof of her mouth so often on hot teas and coffee and treats.

is either over-prepared or under-prepared; over-prepared in academics, always doing the upmost she can do (still a perfectionist) and under-prepared when it comes to dressing out - never wears a jacket and is always cold (anemic, too) because she’s hoping that a handsome stranger will give her theirs’

wishes on dandelion puffs and shooting stars and each and every 11:11, wishes for a lot of things - they never come true, but she keeps wishing.

loves romance novels, and period / historical dramas/romances especially. like, frankly obsessed

has a collection of erotica novels, too.

sleeps around often but there’s no guarantee that she won’t get attached to who she’s sleeping with.

la croix fan :/

got onto the cheer team the same way she got into perkins. crying to the coach. but she does have immaculate form, so.

can’t say no to anybody, about anything and for anything its a genuine Problem she feels like she always Has to do what people ask because that’s how you get people to like you (no it isnt!)

tdlr; she listens to marina and the diamonds, lana del rey, and mitski far more than any normal fucking person would and that should be enough to describe her.

wanted connections.

okay so i kind of imagine her as being New to radcliffe so these may not be instantaneous but.

a ride or die... someone tht she wld probably die fr at the drop of a pin or w/e, they dn’t have to be Her ride or die though,, y’know what i mean

bad influences... she’s very impressionable and wants to fit in with people... they cld get her to do anything...

people she annoys... she does that a lot :/ she’s just intense. high care. needy.

friends! just friends... please ... give her friends ... she’ll lay down her life for them ...

a drug dealer... y’know ... just fr funsies.

party pals... needless 2 say ...

unrequited feelings... mostly if not entirely on her part, because she’ll ‘fall in love’ with just about anybody

attachments... that she has on other people. just won’t quit!

new yorkians... who might’ve known her in her youth! she went to a public school.

associated with caleb... people who only know her because she’s caleb’s bastard sister

bad time... something went wrong along the way of their friendship and now it’s ... super bad ... 

enemies... she’ll probably cry to your face or maybe even yell at u! who knows! u hate each other.

perkins roommate... i repeat, mayhaps a perkins roommate? who got thrust with her in the middle of the semester?

something soft... idk what ... cld be cute

the world is our oyster ... we can always brainstorm too... idk!! she’s new in town!! john mulaney vc !!

[msjr0119]

Forgive me

Part 1- Meeting you Continued

Returning to the living area of the suite, she saw him sat on the couch. Hearing her presence he stood up, turning towards her he couldn’t stop admiring how sexy she looked wearing his top. Gulping, he couldn’t stop gawking her. Riley noticed him staring, she was doing the same.

“I think it’s a bit big for me your highness. Maybe I should pack a spontaneous overnight bag in the future. It smells gorgeous. You and Leo have the same taste in aftershave.” She winked at him, twirling around.

“You can keep it. I have plenty. I’ll give you the aftershave- to remind you of Leo.”

“Heh. Thanks. But I’m okay. I have a lot of memories. I’m going to settle down and get some sleep. Night, Liam.”

As she brushed passed him, their hands touched- it felt as if a bolt of electricity had passed through his veins. “Riley?”

“Yes?” Before he responded he wrapped his arms around her tiny frame. Their breaths in unison- leaning down towards her, he placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

Breaking the kiss, they both remained in silence. I’m sorry, he whispered. Don’t be, she responded.

Holding her tightly, he didn’t know what he was doing. She was the mother of his nephew, the wife of his deceased brother. But he needed her. The one person who helped her brother live his life to the fullest.

“Goodnight, Liam.” Riley knew that he was attractive even without his title, but her only priority was Lucas- and to help Liam grieve over Leo. Nothing more.

I want to hold her, I want to kiss her more. I don’t want a social season. I want to bring her and Lucas back to Cordonia.

******

Liam’s alarm began to buzz at 7am- he was always an early riser. Quickly knocking it off snooze- he didn’t want to disturb Riley. Tossing and turning through the night, he barely slept- his eyes looked like piss holes in the snow. Ringing for food service- he ordered everything on the menu as he wasn’t sure what type of food Riley had a preference for. He also added extra coffee to the order, to get through he day he required a ton of caffeine. Quickly getting dressed, he checked on Riley. She was the definition of sleeping beauty.

The food arrived promptly, placing it on the table he decided to shower quickly. Due to the noise of the running water, he didn’t hear the knock on the door- that awoke Riley from her slumber. Walking to the door still half asleep, she answered yawning and rubbing her eyes.

“Drake?”

“Good morning to you too. I think you should erm cover up a bit.”

“Shit!” Riley felt embarrassed, wishing she had just ignored the knock. Not understanding why she would answer the door when she was a guest. Tightening the grip on the shirt, she had hoped that Drake wasn’t planning on staying and that it was just a quick social call.

“I didn’t hear you two... you know.” Drake laughed, he believed Liam could be a charmer when he needed to be- but to have a one night stand wasn’t usually the ‘good princes’ forte.

“You know what?” Riley provides a perplexed expression to the man who was just stood smirking at her.

“Well you’re wearing Liam’s top, and you are in your underwear.”

“No shit Sherlock. I didn’t intend on staying. And we only kissed. Nothing more. And it won’t be anything more. He’s grieving.”

“You kissed? And if you say so. I saw the sparkle in his eyes. Let us know what your plans are, so I can inform Bastien.”

*****

Liam finished his shower, wearing a towel around his waist- he was shocked to see Riley sat up. She had bed hair, but Liam couldn’t help think that she was still beautiful.

“Sorry Riley I didn’t mean to wake you.” Turning her head, she smiled softly at him.

“You didn’t. Drake did.”

“Oh?”

“Yes he wanted to know your plans so he could inform Bastien.”

“I’ll ring Bastien. I wasn’t sure what you liked to eat- so ordered a feast.”

“I can see. Thank you.”

They ate surrounded by quietness, the birds were tweeting outside. Riley got dressed in her clothes from the previous night- feeling like a dirty stop out.

Liam didn’t want to impose on Bastien driving them places- he informed him that he would be safe and would be contactable if he was required.

Arriving at Riley’s apartment, Liam was shocked at how small it was. Whilst Riley got dressed, she told him to make himself at home. Looking on the wall, his heart sunk- there were photos of Leo. Their ‘fake’ wedding day, Leo holding a newborn Lucas, a picture with their friends- the smile on Leo’s face. A smile that told a million different stories.

“Are you ready to meet your nephew?” Riley asked, whilst placing her hair in a lose bun.

“Erm yes. I do have one question though. Did he do it here?” She followed his gaze, which was viewing the photos hanging on the wall.

“No. He did it in our penthouse, I couldn’t still live there. The memories, it’s traumatic. Come on. Beth’s waiting.”

Riley grabbed his hand leading them out of the apartment. Liam couldn’t begin to wonder how he would feel finding someone he loved in that situation- whilst in the apartment, he couldn’t stop looking at the photo of their wedding day. She looked beautiful even with the fake smiles, Leo looked dapper- no one would believe that it was all a sham.

*****

Beth opened the door, looking like shit. She was shocked that there was a handsome stranger at her door, stood behind Riley. She wondered if her best friend had finally met someone- she was slightly annoyed that Riley didn’t elaborate on the phone what had happened the prior night.

“About time! This little one has missed his momma and Auntie Beth needs to catch up on her sleep.” She stated before yawning over dramatically.

“Sorry Beth. Erm, this is Liam. Leo’s brother.”

“Nice to meet you Beth.” He took her hand, leading it to his lips and softly kissed it- the Prince Charming gesture.

“You too Liam. Get out! I need sleep. See you later, Ri.”

Beth passed Lucas over to Riley who was still asleep. Placing him in his buggy, he looked snug as a bug in a rug. Liam stared at the little boy with admiration, his heart filled with joy.

“So the walk to the park is about 20minutes. Can you hack that your highness? Or are you that used to being chauffeured around?”

“Hey cheeky! I walk. Sometimes.” Liam knew she was being sarcastic but not in a nasty way. He nudged her, as his eyes sparkled.

“That’s hard to believe.” She smirked at him, in a flirtatious manner. They continued to walk at a slow pace, Liam taking in the scenery surrounding them.

Arriving at the pond via a shop for bread, Lucas was still fast asleep. They sat on the wooden bench, people watching. Riley’s heart sunk, seeing parents feeding the ducks with their children. Knowing that Lucas wouldn’t have that opportunity anymore.

“He must have been awake most of the night, he never sleeps for this long.” Riley said as she made sure he was warm enough, wrapping the blanket around him.

“He’s adorable Riley. He’s going to charm all the girls when he’s older.”

“He definitely is. I wish Leo was here to see him grow up.”

They both remained in silence, waiting for the little boy to wake up. Liam placed his arm around Riley. She was gazing up towards the clear blue sky- he believed she was looking up towards Leo.

“He will be looking down on him- on all of us I hope. I think he’s waking up.”

“Hey buddy. There’s someone Mommy wants you to meet.” Picking him up from his buggy, she sat him on her lap. His wide eyed baby blues fixated on the stranger sat next to them.

“Lucas, this is your uncle Liam. Say hi.” She waved, encouraging the boy to copy which he did.

“Hi.” Liam held his hand, his heart fluttered as Lucas tightened his grip.

“Hi buddy.”

“Do you... erm. Do you want to hold him?”

Liam nodded, he was unsure of how to hold him to begin with but natural instinct took over. Lucas snuggled into his uncles embrace. Stroking his head, Liam was filled with emotions. This unconditional bond he could have with his nephew would have been non existent if Drake didn’t stumble across Riley’s bar.

“He’s perfect. I love him already. Riley, you’ve done an amazing job.”

“It’s been hard. But he’s my priority - always will be.”

“I... I... I was thinking last night.” He’s been thinking about the kiss- it was a mistake. A one off. Shit.

“Liam, it’s fine. That kiss it was a one off. I understand, you’re grieving. You don’t have to explain yourself.”

“I wasn’t going to talk about that. I am sorry if I offended you with that gesture.” He gulped. “I don’t want to have a social season. I don’t want to be in a loveless marriage. I know it’s my duty, my responsibility. But I believe I can rule with or without a Queen. I know that Leo, would have wanted me to be able to make my own decisions. And I’m starting with that now. I was considering asking you if you’d both return to Cordonia with us. Leo would want you both to be supported and cared for. I’m willing to do that with everything in me.”

[one-of-us-must-be-crazy]

ALTERNATIVELY Samuels goes in for scheduled maintenance and realises halfway through that he still has Amanda's underwear in his pocket from some ~shenanigans that they were up to last night and spends the whole time hoping the tech people don't discover this

He runs one final check on his firewalls surrounding his memories, a few mundane things he leaves out, to avoid suspicion but most of his memories are build around the existence of the radiant human next to him (who was currently cursing up a storm at a tech who tried to ask her out IN FRONT OF MY PARTNER?!). 

He loves her. 

And it’s fine, here of all places,  where the techs in charge have been informed of the unique situation, and they keep quiet in exchange for a) their considerable lab fee, and b) they get to work with a sentient machine. A real rarity. 

But as he gives his lover’s hand one final subtle squeeze before lying down on the reformat chamber’s base, he remembers something.

True, as the tech had said, he has no metal in his pockets, nor any other conductive material but he does have a piece of torn fabric, torn lace and satin, that was in it’s very brief and adventurous life a pair of Amanda’s underwear until it’s death today around noon.

Now he just prays to whatever spirit might listen to some soulless plastic idiot like himself that none of the techs will notice if a bit of white lace starts to fall out his jacket pocket.

Of course, he should have thrown them out, or not torn them to begin with, but honestly the entire situation shouldn’t have happened, and it isn’t as if he was a wholly willing participant. Yes, he gave his consent, and true he’s the one that ran the wifi for the lock on the door and the one who told Amanda to get the lights on her way over but it wasn’t his idea, and if he had his way it wouldn’t have been bloody initiated at all becuase damnit, he likes this job, this office,and sure Amanda coming over on his last day at WeYu to fuck him on company time was an intriguing idea for them to say Up. Yours. to the corporate entity that wrecked their lives but here……

“Christopher, your girlfriend is here,” he likes that he has his own office again. It’s small, with two small arrow-slot windows you can barely see out of, and not enough outlets for a fish tank, but he has a couple hanging low-light plants, and a desk with a picture of Amanda in a glass frame. There’s also a business-card holder shaped like a little antique robot, and a plastic fish–both light hearted gifts from her. 

Now, as soon as he realized that the kid working the front desk recognized her, he knew that Ripley was likely dressed for going out rather than coming straight from work–it amused him deeply that while everyone recognized the pretty girl he’s got a picture of, and talks about almost nonstop, none of them recognized Amanda when she would come in, covered in soot and grease from work in her coveralls. 

But nothing exactly prepared him to look up to Amanda in an outfit he’d never seen before, and a look on her face that made him feel like a particularly sought after pastry behind a bakery case being stared at by a hoard of small children.

Amanda was beautiful, he always thought so, but she had her hair down in long, loose curls, she had put on a little make up, and he could smell the sweet mint of her gloss from across the room even if a human couldn’t. 

a blouse that unbuttoned in a way that asked to be undone, especially, he noted as she shrugged off his green jacket, it buckeled around her breasts where the shirt met it’s stretching limits despite fitting well everywhere else.

a skirt that fell just long enough that it wouldn’t have been eye-raising to the office dwellers on their floor, but to someone very familiar with what it covered it made him skip a line of thought and back track to be sure his coding was running correctly.

and stockings….white lace stockings under that beige and green plaid skirt and the cute flats he knows that she hates but wears on their dates anyway becuase she likes their height difference.

“Why….are you wearing stockings?” he asked, baffeled before it dawned on him that– “oh no. Ripley absolutely not–not here–I don’t–I don’t even know if that lock works…”

“I can’t surprise my boyfriend at work without you assuming I’m just looking for a little action?”

“Not when you’re wearing a skirt,”

“So?”

“And tights?”

“Mmm no,” Amanda lifted the hem of the skirt just far enough to reveal the lower part of garters, “You were right the first time: they’re stockings. But if you’re not interested..” she turned. without lowering the skirt until she was sure he saw the garters in the back too, “I’ll just go,”

“waitnothatsnotwhatisaid”

“Alright then,” she said, facing him again, sitting at the guest chair in front of his desk, taking a quick inventory of the desk’s surface: computer, picture frame, jar of pens, the stupid knick-knacks she’d gotten him. She looked over her shoulder at another chair. “You know you should get a sofa in here. Make people feel more welcome.”

“I rarely deal with clients in here myself. If ever. Actually you’re the first person to com in here. Amanda this isn’t–”

“You didn’t have an issue with getting it on against the wall of the Weyland-Yutani office?”

“Becuase I hated them to whatever degree I was capable of. I like it here. I want to keep my job here. And it’s…”

“What?”

“Well it’s just a bit much, dear. We had dinner last night–at the place I like, no less, we walked home the long way, and you had electric candles all over the flat and…” and it was sweet. Amanda had enjoyed a bath with him later on, then gone to bed with him gentle and slow, as romantic as anything they’ve ever had.

“Then consider this as something for me–” he laughed at her, 

“–What?” 

“Amanda if this was for you I’d be pinned to a wall already and you would not be wearing a skirt,”

“Maybe I wanted to treat you to something special,” she undid the next button down on her blouse. Her partner looked like he wasn’t breathing anymore. 

“What fantasy do you think I have for you to dress like that?”

“What fantasy, Christopher I know you like me dressed up and I have dated straight men before: your tastes aren’t that different.”

“Oh.”

“But….Do you want to do something deviant for once? Or should I go home?”

“What….do you want to do?”

“How sturdy is that chair you’re sitting on?”

Christopher couldn’t exactly explain how the next moments unfolded, but Amanda kissing him open mouthed while she shimmed down his pants enough to access her target, her across his lap, grinding into him only for him to realize that her panties (white lace, matching the stockings, her eye for detail when put forth the effort was amazing) were in the way and if he tugged them down it would only serve to bring her legs closer together, the opposite of what he wanted though–though if she wanted anything, any form of human sexuality he’d oblige willingly and excitedly–so what to do.

what to–

the sound of tearing and snapping elastic made Amanda gasp, move her hand from it’s previous job on him to his shoulder as she levered herself up a bit, and onto him, he kissed her neck hard enough that Amanda told him it was a bite, and the scrap material of her underwear is shoved in his pocket so he can hold onto her tighter. 

When it’s over–

–…..for the second time…

he gently nudges her off his lap, he has to finish work (unlikely now) and she should go, now here for nearly an hour, before someone comes in to see what’s taking her short visit so long.

Amanda combs her fingers through her hair, buttons her shirt, and doesn’t bother with the garters and stockings, her long, strong legs competely bare save for that little skirt, and it cost every ounce of his self control to not reach his hand up under it when she leans over the desk to kiss him goodbye.

“Leave that skirt on,” he mumbles against her lips.

“Yeah?”

“There are a few things I want to do tonight–”

“I’ll leave the skirt on. Nothing else. And you know, no promises I’ll have the skirt on when you get home either. If you’re there by five we’ll still have half an hour to if the tech shop doesn’t want you ‘til seven.”

“Leave before I do something very irresponsible,”

“I love you too,” she says, and she knows, but he repeats it to her with a smile far more bashful than he should be feeling in this situation.

Now he knows that it’s there still, in his pocket, as he slowly shuts down entirely for a diagnostic, and he dreads that the scanner might—

“Mr. Samuels?”

“Yes?”

“Alert, and online,” the technician noted, more to himself than to Samuels, who was still trying to figure out if ‘Mr’ was part of the particular dream he had while coming back to life.

“I’m not wearing my jacket,” the tweet jacket that he wore over his shirt that Amanda claimed she utterly hated by has now fucked him in each time he’s worn it.

“The buttons had metal backings, we had to remove it. It’s hanging over–oh here I’ll get it,”

“No! no I can–”

The technician lifted the jacket and Samuels noticed the white lace spilling out of the pocket the same moment the tech did.

“I…That’s. I can explain.” 

The tech bit back a smile.

“Did you really have so little faith in our ability to not kill you that you guys needed a last roll in the back of the car?”

“…………please don’t tell anyone.”

[supersoldiersruined-me]

And the Winner Is...

A/N: This is my entry for @mss4msu 500 celebration challenge! I’m super late on this one too, thank you for being patient! 💕It’s my second work with Zac so it’s still quite plain and simple, although I’ll be posting a smuttier part later on (following this storyline.) I just thought I’d make this a fluffy oneshot and then whoever wants to read the smut will have it in a seperate text. 🤷‍♀️ Warnings: none really, I don’t even think there’s a swear word... Word count: 2.5k Summary: After several calls to your local radio station and five good answers, you find yourself owner of a VIP pass for the New York comic con. There’s that one man in particular you wish to see, and little did you know he had planned this all along.

Main Masterlist

You’re holding the ticket in your hands, your thumb runs over the large textured letters. You’re still unable to process the euphoria surrounding the events that lead to this day. Your name is written under the New York Comic Con logo, its beautiful lanyard dangles from your hands as you twirl it around to look at the pattern. The softness of the couch has never been so welcoming as it envelopes you in your downfall from the heavens. The laminated ticket comes to your chest, followed by you giggling in excitement and tapping your feet to the ground. The phone in your pocket rings, and you hurry to pick it up.

“Hello?” You answer without reading the ID.

“Hi Y/N! How are you?” Your friend chimes from the other side.

“Oh, hey! I’m…” You ponder whether to tell or not. “I’m doing great,” you finish quickly as not to leave any suspicion.

“Riiight. Expected someone else?” You bite your lip to keep from laughing some more. She knows where you’re headed to, but not what’s actually hidden behind all this. “Well anyway, if you want me to help you pack for your trip I’m free all night.” She giggles when you stay silent. You end up accepting her offer, unsure if you could go the entire evening without combusting of joy. You figure that having her around would help you stay down to earth - but most importantly, it would keep the scenarios from playing in your mind.

You’re happy to realise that both seats next to you remain empty as the plane shakes off the ground. Once the flight is steady and you’ve lost sight of the city lights, you fold your knees over the arm rest as you get comfortable for the short flight. A variety of films is available from the on-board entertainment, including very recent titles, and some of your favourite series. So much for the book you had packed, you think. The soft vibrations help numb your mind and soon you’re well into a proper nap; an earphone securely playing the soundtrack to a Disney movie, the other hanging over your shoulder as it got pulled out not too long after.

Someone’s backpack strap is what has you jolting up at your arrival. You stretch as best you can in the confined space, reaching over to your left for the cubicle window. The rainy weather is not enough to dispirit you as you close it back and pick up your stuff, ready to have a great weekend at the convention. You’re in the last bunch out of the plane and through customs.

You set your bag onto the plushy bench at the foot of the bed - which is way too big for one person, you think - and let yourself fall on your back; the supple material has you bouncing a couple times. As you take a few deep breaths, you let your hands roam the space next to you, the silky fabric of the duvet-cover allows your fingers to glide easily, and it soon feels like you’re swimming in your own little world. The room is dark; the only thing coming in is the filtered light of the blinking advertisement panels outside. The dim ambiance of Time Square that’s just a few blocks down helps your mind drift off, and as if someone had dropped their knocked-out, fully-clothed kid on their sister’s spare bed, you lay there, content, before finally falling asleep.

A knock at the door pulls you out of your beauty sleep, and you thank the night’s unexpected crash for the fully functional outfit.

“Hi, can I-” You stop yourself when the door won’t go wider than a couple inches, the chain lock still well in place. “I’m sorry. Hi!” A familiar face waits with a white box in hand, and the same sweet smile. It’s his assistant. She had skyped you to explain what the pass included and later to explain the schedule of your plane.

“I hope I’m not too early for you. I’m just dropping this off. The convention starts at ten,” she begins, and then waits for your reaction. She smiles at your confusion. “Feel free to call me if you need a ride. I think you’ll like it. Congratulations again!” She winks as she taps on the box before walking away into the long hall. Suddenly, the furthest door down the hall opens slightly and your heart skips a beat on the spot. His tall silhouette barely makes it under the door frame as he steps out to get his special delivery of newspapers. Dark jeans held around his waist by a black leather belt. No shirt. Before he can stretch back up and see you, you squeal your way back into the room, then slam the door before leaning against it. Giggles escape your lips and you can’t help but dance around a little. Pictures surely didn’t do him justice.

The soft cardboard of the box tears slightly under your tight grip. A small cut gives you a peek at what’s hiding inside. With a slight spark of excitement you rush towards the table in the small living space and lay it on the marble. The small ribbon is easily torn away and you pull out a Nerd HQ t-shirt; the fabric is soft in your hands, the colours remind you of an 80s arcade room. The symbol is spelled out in a neon-like font, and stripes run down the side seems. You pick up the small note at the bottom of the box and gasp as you read it:

“Dear nerd,

Thank you for participating in our contest! I hope you enjoy your stay and that you have fun at the convention. But then again, you’ll get to meet me so that’s pretty rad!

I’ll see you later Y/N,

Zac ❤”

The last few words are hard to read as your eyes slowly fill with tears of joy. He’s taken the time to write a little message for you and it honestly beats getting a like from him on one of your tweets. You had been able to talk to him over the phone for a couple minutes when him and his assistant called to give you the result of the draw. He later texted you a simple hello, which stretched into a pretty deep conversation about mental health and upcoming movies. About a week later he warned you that his phone might have been hacked, and that for your privacy - and his - you had accepted to stop talking until you could meet. Knowing that you’ll be able to see him in person definitely has you nervous and shaking.

Getting back onto your feet, you trot towards the bathroom and hold the shirt up in front of your body, imagining how it would look on you. Then you go back to finish your outfit and get your small bag ready with everything you want signed.

You walk out of the elevator to the basement, where a black Mercedes awaits. A small hand waves you in through the open passenger window, and you settle next to his assistant.

“Told you you’d like it!” Her tone is friendly and she winks at you before pulling onto the street.

Small talk makes the ride down the jammed streets of Hell’s Kitchen a breeze, and with the lanyard around your neck, you walk into the busy halls of the Javits Center. The main area is packed; you wonder if everything is up to fire regulations as you strut around, being careful not to walk on anyone’s heels or break any cosplays. Marvel pretty much owns the place - or rather Disney - as Star Wars ships and maquettes are displayed here and there, comic artists and autograph booths fill the back walls. You walk down the aisles as if you were on a cloud. This is certainly the best initiation you could have gotten. Then, with an extra heartbeat per minute, you come to realise that you’re just a few feet away from the DC gate, which is ironically adorned with Shazam posters, along with Superman gear. An attroupement of people surrounds the Batmobile that roars in a corner. You sigh as the whole event becomes a bit overwhelming, and you can’t help but feel yourself go a bit weak.

You step into the little archway, and a well deserved breath escapes your lungs. You waste some time looking around at the frames and pieces of craft that creators expose proudly. And then your eyes come up to the posters hung along the black curtains behind the autograph tables, a sweet red shade tints your cheeks at the sight of Zac’s picture in the Shazam suit. A small kid bumps into you when your feet give up on their simple task; the flashes of his near-naked body resurfacing from the morning has your mind going foggy. He steps out a few minutes later, along with Asher and Jack, and they are greeted by a roar of cheers which knocks you out of a day dream. Your shoulder finds refuge on a nearby column, and you decide to wait until he has talked to a few people before you can come up with the courage to walk to his booth. He’s a little faster though and spots you from his seat, earning yourself a wink and a bright smile.

“Here comes the smolder!” Someone calls from the line in front of you, making you laugh a little. A strong hand comes to your shoulder from behind, startling you.

“Y/N?” His voice is a bit higher than you expected for someone his size. His square shoulders jump up a little when he sees your frightened face. The company shirt he has on is clearly a size too small; the sleeve bands around his biceps are screaming for their life.

“Yes. Do you need an ID?” You already have a hand in your bag as you ask the question, but he grabs your arm and politely shakes his head.

“It’s alright, love. Follow me,” he adds.

You struggle to keep up with him as he guides you through a crowded area, even though his body creates a rather smooth passage. About a minute later you find yourself alone with him in a small hallway; pipes fill the ceiling and everything is made out of concrete. Had it not been for the bright neon lights, this would certainly feel like a horror movie. You keep walking in silence, hearing the crowd cheer through the small doors you keep passing by. Then he opens a door to your right and motions you inside while holding it for you.

“If you please,” he says cordially.

You enter the room and scan your surroundings. A couch covered in dark green velvet sits by the opposing wall. There’s a barber chair sitting in front of a big mirror, where bottles of makeup and what-not fill a thin shelf. You step a little further inside and then see the fruits on the coffee table along with various snacks and bottles of Gatorade. When the bodyguard closes the door behind you and moves out of the way you see the small post on the door.

‘Zachary Levi’ written in black sharpie on the back of a random list, taped unevenly.

Your jaw slackens a little, your gaze goes back to the treats on the table and you smile at how personal this feels. The man invites you to get comfortable and take whatever you’d like, and you think he said he’d be back shortly with a warm lunch but your mind is already wandering around the subtle items and decor. You run your hands on the soft material of the couch as you let your body relax into it. It has a natural wood frame and feels very vintage. Very Zac. A small TV hangs on the wall in front of it and is already turned on and logged onto someone’s Netflix account. You grab the remote and proceed to ‘get comfortable’ as the man had said. The choice is easy when one of your favourite series is in his list as well.

The first episode is nearly done when faint voices are getting closer in the hallway, and out of panic you turn it off and sit back into the couch. The handle moves but it takes a few seconds before the door is finally pushed open. He’s standing there in the frame, still talking to someone you can’t see from your position. Although you doubt you’d be able to see anything else with Zac just shining in the room. You stand up and he sees it in his sight. He turns his head just a little and sends you another wink along with a little wave, politely asking you to wait another minute. You stand there in the middle of the room, swaying from a foot to another as you try and compose yourself. Then he turns around completely and steps inside.

“Hi Y/N!” His voice is high and bashful. You move your hand up in hopes of reaching for his, but he jerks it away gently and opens his arms instead. “Come on! Bring it in.”

You obey and move closer to him. Your arms hook behind his body but you’re too afraid to touch him. You linger there, your head against his chest that slowly rises with each breath, trying to slow your heartbeat to match his. His actions make it hard for you to actually focus. One of his hands reaches the back of your head and he runs his fingers through your hair before settling lower on your neck.

“You’re so damn beautiful,” he whispers in the crook of your neck. He only lets go when he feels you shiver and your arms fall to your side. He grabs your shoulders, pushing you back a little and looks at you, his face wincing at his clumsiness. “Did I overstep? Gosh. I’m so, so sorry!” He seems  genuinely concerned and bothered with himself until he sees you smile finally, making him shiver in return.

“You shouldn’t...I’m...I can’t lie and say I’m not enjoying this.” He breathes out when you’re done and his shoulders relax. “I guess I’m just startled. You really are so handsome and...” And I saw you half naked this morning and wanted to have my hands on you all day but… You shake your head at the thought with a laugh which seems to amuse him as well.

“What?” He grins and takes a step closer. So close your neck is about to snap from looking up at him.

“I, um…” Your hands come to your face and you lean against his chest again. His hands run down your arms and onto the small of your back, before slowly making their way back up and locking behind your neck. He pulls slightly on your hair, making you face him again. A whimper threatens to leave your throat but his lips are quick to block any sound from coming out of your mouth.

[jaredhollyheiditruth]

The Affair/Cheating Timeline

If you’re here, you probably already know how this all started. This specific post is only going to reference the allegations by Heidi O’Ferrall regarding Jared’s cheating and abusive behavior towards her. There are also allegations of soliciting minors for nudes, but those will be covered in a separate post.

On May 7th, 2019, Heidi O’Ferrall posted the following update on her Facebook page.

In this blog post, she accused Jared of cheating on her, made several statements regarding his fidelity and treatment of her, claims to have purchased a car, signed a lease on a new house, and filed for divorce. She goes on to state that it is her intent to announce this publicly once their mutual assets are split.

Public court records, however, indicate that Jared was the one to file for divorce, and that he did so about a week after this post.

Shortly after this post was made, Jared blocked Heidi on his Twitter account, then a short time later, released this:

Almost immediately Heidi replied with this:

From here, a cascade of tweets from Heidi followed, accusing Jared of abusive and manipulative behavior and infidelity. The sheer number and volume of these tweets makes posting all of them here impractical. She claims that she discovered the alleged affair between Jared and Holly as the result of looking through one of Jared’s old phones and finding both explicit conversations and nude pictures from Holly. At one point, she directly attacks Holly by taunting her about the nude images she alleges are on the phone she has:

While Heidi continued to constantly release dozens and occasionally hundreds of tweets per day, Jared and Holly remained silent on the matter, which many claimed was proof of their guilt. It wasn’t until May 17th that Jared finally released an updated statement:

In immediate response to this, Heidi once more began a storm of tweets to address Jared’s new claims. Note that Jared claims that he was the one to buy Heidi a car and new place to live, which contradicts Heidi’s claim that she’d done these things herself to supplement her own independence. While many expected her to deny Jared’s claims on this matter, she ended up confirming them on Twitter:

(It’s my opinion that she has a habit of taking every omission or contradiction and trying to twist it to fit her narrative. Your interpretation of these events, however, may vary. It’s also possible that she lied to her Facebook friends in order to save face. There’s no way we, the public, can know for sure.)

In her tweets, she admits that Jared and her did “attempt polyamory” but that she had left this out of her prior statements because she didn’t consider it relevant.

She also stated that she omitted mention of her long-term boyfriend that she had during their marriage because, again, she did not consider it relevant.

The “she” that Heidi mentions in this tweet is in reference to Holly Conrad, who on May 20th posted a long thread containing screenshots of phone conversations and Heidi’s own Facebook messages. On Heidi’s Facebook page, she can be seen bragging to her friends about all of the fame and success her attacks on Jared have earned her, even referring to the act as a “public execution.”

Heidi admitted in a tweet that she was the one that wanted Jared and Holly to confront one another about their feelings, though she claimed she was very uncomfortable with the idea.

Holly’s posts paint a different picture, however, showing that Heidi was very supportive of the involvement, though it didn’t result in sex that night.

This text exchange between Heidi and Jared also displays a trait that can be found in another screen-capped text message, which is that Heidi shows marked distress when Jared doesn’t reply to her text messages after a relatively short period of time. It should also be noted that, according to a text message from Heidi to Holly that was presented by Heidi herself, Heidi didn’t just suggest that Jared confront Holly, she “literally demanded” that he do it, which would seem to imply that Jared was reluctant to do so.

It should be noted as well that the day Heidi posted this long, angry text to Holly is the very next day after Heidi was encouraging Jared to sleep with Holly.

(My own personal speculation is that Jared and Holly didn’t sleep together that night, but Heidi refused to believe that when she was told such, and that all of her accusations about ‘lying’  and ‘lack of transparency’  in this message regarding Jared and Holly stem from her belief that they had sex that night but have consistently lied about it.)

Back in October of 2017, while Heidi and Jared were still engaged in an open marriage, Heidi contacted Jared suggesting a group-sex arrangement between Jared, Heidi, and a currently-unidentified male, as seen here.

Again, Heidi shows anxiety and distress when Jared is too preoccupied or busy to reply. Meanwhile, Jared appears to go for long walks whenever he’s in a contemplative mood, according to his texts, anyway.

Around the same time frame (Late 2017), Jared had been engaging both in text, with pictures, and sexually with another fan who posted to the r/ProJared subreddit in the midst of all the drama. In that post, she provided a huge dump of screenshots of explicit texts and nudes swapped between herself and Jared, with the images of Jared’s genitals censored. The actual contents of the text messages themselves aren’t relevant beyond the fact that they do indeed confirm sexual contact between this individual and Jared.

However, on June 20th, 2019, roughly a month after this post, the individual that posted the original conversations made a modification to the post.

This update reads as follows:

Furthermore, this fan has since made the following addendum to this newest post:

We can only speculate as to why Heidi omitted the fact that she’d given permission for the “first” time they had sex, but insists that the second one actually was cheating.

(In my personal opinion, it becomes harder and harder to believe the word of someone that constantly omits relevant information when that information is harmful to their narrative. There are a few other inaccuracies and inconsistencies in Heidi’s initial claims versus what’s been released or discovered later on.)

For quite some time, Jared ran a nudes blog wherein he would trade nudes with his fans. Much of this is also buried in the criminal allegations he’s been faced with, but those will be covered in a different post. What’s important to note, however, is that Heidi’s initial stance was that the blog was a “body positivity” blog, and one that she claims to have reluctantly supported.

However, in March of 2017, she stated on her own blog that not only was she aware that fans were sending him nude images, she would “high five” over them.

She also happily passed along messages to “Sinjared” as late as July of 2017.

She claims to believe that the blog was shut down in late 2017, but that she has reasons to believe it went on for longer:

However, all of Tumblr’s adult-oriented blogs were shut down in December 2017, so any reason she has to believe it continued beyond that would have to be related to Jared’s private snapchat account. There are screenshots to suggest that Jared was engaging with fans for nudes and potential sex as late as October 8th, 2018:

This post also appears to contain mention of Heidi’s long-term boyfriend.

Unfortunately, the timestamps for the following text messages between Heidi and Jared only list times, not dates, so it is impossible to determine exactly when they were sent. However, they do confirm Jared’s claims that Heidi made threats to destroy his career.

The details of the background on this conversation are unclear. What can be gleaned from them is that Heidi is demanding that Jared do something and that she’s threatening to destroy Dice, Camera, Action (a web show he and Holly work together on, along with many others) and “ruin all of [their] lives” if he doesn’t meet her demands.

Heidi also repeatedly states that she would enjoy destroying everything that Jared has created. It’s possible that her demands have to do with Holly, and given the context it seems likely, but unfortunately, given how little reply she’s getting from Jared, the situation surrounding this set of text messages do little to elucidate the matter.

I apologize for how disjointed things seem, but establishing a timeline of events with the sporadic information we have access to has been, at best, trying. I will continue to update and streamline this blog as I sort out or discover new information. Feel free to archive updates of it for posterity.

[aleapoffaithfiction]

III.

"But the second she opened her eyes and looked at me, I knew. She was  either going to be the death of me . . . or she was going to be the one  who finally brought me back to life."    ― Colleen Hoover

“Aye.”

The lids of my eyes slightly closed at the call for my attention and yet my eyes never peered away from the television screen as it illuminated the living room far more than the sunlight slightly peering beyond the curtains covering the windows. While slightly shifting to further my comfort, I leaned forward to adjust the bag filled with ice covering my ankle and lightly ran my hand over Mowgli’s head before leaving him to lazily lie beside me as he always does whenever I’m lounging around somewhere downstairs. Much like our usual unhealthy evening routine, while he lay there in solace, I popped a couple of Gushers into my mouth and cured my typical candy craving.

“Aye.”

“What?” My mumbled response surely wasn’t loud enough for anyone to hear but it’s whatever.

In the midst of the three men on the screen is by far the most intriguing being walking the planet. I can easily admit that I have not been everywhere nor have I experienced every good thing that this planet has to offer but I’m willing to bet on everything I know and have that I’m accurate in what I believe and have observed ever since I laid my eyes on her. A small smirk tugged along my lips as her eyes lit up and a fit of giggles erupted from her petite frame as Chad Johnson randomly tossed in his own hot take about why Lebron should have never left Miami, Chad’s native. They’ve been debating back and forth for over ten minutes about the ongoing James versus Irving tension that has lit the NBA and media worlds on fire.

On one end of the panel you have Kobe advocating for the hunger of leadership and the ability to withdraw from the immense shadow of the well-known king and then there’s Chad is who is standing with Lebron and deeming Kyrie’s antics to be a cry for attention that he may regret later on down the line. To the left of Sarai, there’s Scott, a heavy Lebron critic who will find any reason to rip the man to shreds, and today is certainly no different. He’s already assured in Kyrie winning a championship in Boston before Lebron wins another without him in Cleveland, which is a trash ass perspective because when it’s all said and done, Lebron is still Lebron. Sarai, per her usual, kept a balanced stance about the entire situation. Much like myself, she could see both sides of the issues between the men and thought it was best that the two did part ways despite the magic of the 2016 NBA Finals.

I’ve been tuning into the show since its beginning. I found out about it while skimming through my Twitter timeline and was instantly sold as soon as I read both Kobe and Chad’s names. As for Sarai, I’d only seen her name at the end of a couple of Sports Illustrated articles and though I didn’t physically see her, I know she was around when I shot for the ESPN Body Issue because I heard her name being mentioned throughout the hallways. It wasn’t until the first day of the show that I was able to put a face to the name that I hadn’t forgotten for whatever reason and within that very moment it felt like all of my organs halted their functioning for just a brief second. I stopped talking, stopped moving, and finally stopped breathing.

As she sat there with her back pressed against the upper portion of the chair, her fingers nervously toyed with the pen resting on top of the paper filled with the discussion topics for their first episode. Along her lips was a nervous smile and her eyes panned back and forth in a manner that could easily inform the viewers of just how overwhelmed she was. It didn’t seem to be the presence of men that overpowered and mentally belittled her, but instead the stature of the men who surrounded her. Despite being quite established in journalism, she was sitting among a five-time NBA champion, a six-time Pro Bowl and three-time First Team appearing NFL player, and a Harvard Graduate School journalist who came over to ESPN from Fox Sports. I’m sure she was wondering how would she ever be able to compete with that and just as I expected, it only took her a few days to figure it out; three days to be exact. By Thursday, she was on fire with every single perspective she brought to the table and had no issue going toe to toe with whoever challenged her. Most would say it wasn’t until she spoke up for me that she became the commodity on the show, but I beg to differ. She’d already taken that title by their second week running.

“Tud!”

Her poise is so alluring and she has this infectious giggle that instantly weakens your knees upon hearing it. I’m not sure what kind of skin care routine it takes in order for her milk chocolate skin to illuminate in the manner that it does, but I have to assume that it has to be God given rather than something that anyone has bottled up to be sold on shelves. I’ve encountered more women that I can count in passing and sometimes through simple introductions or interactions and none of them have come close to what I make sure I am able to see Monday through Friday whether I’m at home to watch it or not. Beautiful is too simple to describe her appearance. Intoxicating is beneath all that her aura is. I’ve never been so in awe at any point of my life thus far. I’ve never felt so small, so unworthy.

“Tud!”

“What?” My head finally snapped in the direction of Ben’s voice and he instantly sucked his teeth as he stood in the entry way of the living room.

“I been calling your deaf ass for twenty minutes and now I realize you ain’t been answering me because you deaf. You been mute as fuck because you’re in here about to fuck up your shorts over Sarai.”

“Shut the fuck up. Why you so loud anyway?”

“Because I been calling yo ass for twenty minutes. You staying here? Me and Kav about to head out and fuck the city up. We gon’ find somewhere to eat and then probably hit up that Future party at 1Oak. Get off the couch and come on.” As good as it sounds, I’m not in much of a partying mood and the last thing I need is to be photographed inside of a club after having sat out in our first game of the season against the Cowboys due to my ankle fucking with me from a slight injury during the preseason and then Monday night’s struggle and loss against the Lions. Even with my limited playing time and Engram’s momentum, our offensive line just couldn’t hold tight against their defense and an 88-yard punt return touchdown eventually sealed that loss for us. I’m not stressing about being down two games because we’ve been here before, but we definitely need to make some transitions and really get things going. I think we’ll be ready for Philly come Sunday.

“Nah, ya’ll got it. I’ll be alright right here. I’ma just chill with the dogs, watch a movie probably, and get momma to make some turkey chili.”

“You sound like an old ass man right now. Who the fuck sits on the couch with their dogs and eats turkey chili on a Friday? You depressed? I know yo ankle ain’t hurting that damn bad. You was on fire at rehab today.”

“I just feel like chilling, honestly.”

“Or you just feel like watching The Sports Haven, because you damn sure ain’t putting on no movie. She doesn’t want you dawg.” Ben’s laughter caused Mowgli to lift his head and the both of us stared at him as he amused himself.

“Who said that I want her?”

“Oh, you don’t have to say it nigga. We know. Everybody knows. The day you did the interview, all people could talk about is the way you were looking at her. You had dudes feeling some type of way because they swear they have claim on that lady and then you had chicks shocked as fuck because they swear you only dip in the snow. You ain’t the first one though. The way ya’ll balling ass niggas drool over her has become a running joke and now you’re officially apart of that collage of videos they put together of it. I was laughing at that shit the other day. I meant to send it to you.” He didn’t have to send it to me because I’ve already seen it. I’ve seen it a couple of times before I was included in it and it absolutely does contain footage of athletes from a bunch of different sports ogling, damn near drooling, and fumbling over their words while speaking with her or sitting up there at that panel. What makes it hilarious isn’t them, it’s her. All of it goes right over her head. I’ve yet to see her flinch or even slightly entertain any of it.

“You stay over exaggerating shit.”

“I ain’t over exaggerating a motherfucking thing. Ain’t she fucking with Big Sean?” No. I asked him while out in L.A. two months ago. A photograph of the two of them at a party began circulating the internet and rumors immediately followed and though the both of them denied any connection through tweets, I still asked him during a casual conversation. I had to know. He didn’t deny that he tried to shoot his shot, but it was an air ball. She laughed off his flirtation and instantly acquaintance zoned him.

“Nah.”

“How you know?”

“I asked him.” I could have lied to get him off of my back, but for what?

“Look at you snooping around in her business. Why you trying to scare niggas off? That’s not yo girl. You trying to block every shot that’s coming her way meanwhile you don’t even have her number. You a fucking fool.” Now that? I’m not confirming it. I’ll never hear the end of it if I mention anything about her number being in my phone. I’m sure it could earn me some points with my boys but I’m not seeking that kind of validation and besides, I finessed the whole situation. It’s not like I flat out asked for it, so those points would be in the negatives.

“I'm not trying to block shit.”

“You are though, but it’s cool. When she rejects yo ass, you’ll finally get it. How you know she ain’t married? Sean might not be her man but somebody else may be occupying that spot and you trying to plot on a happy home. She looks like the married type too. She probably married to some rich ass white dude with her bougie ass. You see the way Scott’s Squidward in the face looking ass be looking at her?”

“She never wears a ring on her finger.” I observed that a long time ago. “And you don’t even know her so how are you calling her bougie? You speaking on some shit that you don’t know about.”

“Aight nigga. I’ma leave you alone with that situation. You ain’t getting her so you better scroll through those hundreds of numbers you have and call up one of your typical flavors of the week or month. You don’t even commit and yet you trying to add Sarai Nazaire to your roller deck of women. You a dog fam.”

If we were talking about anybody else, I would have laughed that off and shrugged at the partial truthfulness. I’ve been in a few relationships and I sometime handle urges in certain ways that could easily depict me as the embodiment of a fuck boy, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s who I am. It’s not. Ever since my LSU days, my pop would always tell me to just live my life and not to commit myself to anything other than football and the books because life would be easier that way. I’ve lived in-between trying to gain some perspective and experience and living that lifestyle ever since. It’s no secret that my profession comes with women consistently flocking in my direction, willing to do whatever is necessary for the sake of some type of time with me.

Temptation is a bitch and she’s gotten the best of me on numerous occasions. I can’t say that I’m proud of it but I’ve never felt the need to kick myself in the ass over it either. Surprisingly, neither has my mother. Despite my vague responses when she asks about my behavior with women, she knows what’s going down and never fails to secretly store boxes of condoms in my bedroom drawers and bags whenever I’m traveling out of town. Then there are the talks when she warns me that though it is known for women to be swept off of their feet, there will eventually come a time when a woman will do the same exact thing to me. It’ll be mutual and despite any resistance, I won’t be able to escape the feeling. What’s for me will be for me and love will fall right in line with that, so she claims. I laughed it off all throughout my teen years but as I’m reaching my mid-twenties, there seems to be a truth to it.

“Are you done? Can I get back to the show now?”

“Been done. I’ll be back and I’m sure you’ll be right here on the couch, rewinding this shit back when I do get here.”

“Fuck you.”

His obnoxious laughter filled the halls as he trekked through them and I pressed play on the episode once again. I hadn’t expected the segment to transition to me but it did. Everyone’s been discussing what I’d be contributing to my team this year since I’m so “injury prone”. My rookie year, I missed the entire preseason and the first couple of games of the regular season with hamstring issues that stemmed all the way back to a back injury at LSU. From there, I’ve had some issues on and off with it but nothing too major. The ankle situation I’m going through right now is minor. I’m not necessarily one hundred percent, but I’m solid enough to play.

Surprisingly, no one had much criticism about any of it other than Scott. He questioned the Giants’ offensive dependency on me and made an argument that they needed to draft someone to supposedly pick up my slack, but that was interjected by Sarai who bluntly told him that players get injured, it’s all a part of the game. Yet again, my stats were her focal point and as she’s been emphasizing, when I’m on the field the energy and the numbers reflect that and when I’m not, the team greatly suffers. What was left in question for her was the severity of what this slight injury is. She claimed to have watched my postgame interview after our loss to the Lions and hoped that I hadn’t downplayed anything simply so I’d be able to play.

“Scott, you’re not making any sense. The man is the first player in NFL history with eighty or more catches and a thousand or more receiving yards in each of his first three NFL seasons. When he is on and off the field, it’s felt by the team and their spectators. We all know this.” Her smirk filled my core with faint fluttering. Shit.

I’m alright. The sprain is in much better shape now. The training staff wanted me to give it some more time, so I sat out the first game. The Lions game could have been better, but I still felt solid enough. I’m good for Sunday though.

A number of reporters have my direct number in case they want to verify information or may want a quote about a specific story that’s circulating about me. If Sarai wants, she could do the same as well. I don’t have much of an issue allowing her to know whatever it is that she needs to know.

Maybe it’s just me but I still find that by low hit by Boddy-Calhoun super dirty. I’m glad to hear you’re feeling alright.

A lot of people feel the way she does. I watched the replay and I can’t call it. It was a tough play for a defensive back and I’ll just leave it at that. While it did piss me off within those few seconds after the fact, I left the anger right there on the field.

Lol It’s all good. Am I seeing you Sunday?

This is the first time I’ve been anxious for someone to see me play in person since my family, when I suited up to play in my first official Giants game. Though I won’t actually see her watching everything, just knowing that she’s within the stadium experiencing the excitement of the game amongst the wild fans will easily put a smile on my face. I’d like for her to be able to see that I want to live up to every moment when she’s spoken highly of me.

I’m going to try to make it.

Try? That’s a less than fifty percent chance that she’s coming.

Try sounds like you won’t come. I’m sulking now.

Is it weird that I actually am? I’m sure the disappointment the day off will feel worse if I don’t see her face.

Lol you’re funny Beckham. At least I said I’d try rather than flat out saying that I won’t.

I’m persistent. I hate maybes or possibilities. I’m all about making shit happen.

Or you can say that you will. That ticket comes with a pass for one of the luxury suites in the stadium, so you have the option of being out there in the mist of the madness or being tucked away from it. You have a VIP parking pass too, so there’s no need to go insane looking for parking. There’ll be appetizers, snacks, and drinks too.

I had to pull a lot of finesse for that. Tickets to the game aren’t difficult to get but VIP perks in another team’s home stadium isn’t easy to come by. It’s always helpful to know people who knows people and so on. I just want to make sure she’s comfortable.

You’re really selling it. It all sounds pretty convincing though. You know, I easily could have shown up with a media pass.

She could have. Her ESPN credentials most likely work all over the place.

True, but then you wouldn’t be my guest of honor and I’d prefer it that way instead. It’s the least I could do after all that you’ve done for me.

With her love of sports, I figured she’d prefer that over some flowers of thanks that’ll eventually die or some materialistic possession that may lose value within her life at some point. There’s nothing wrong with flowers, I’d send them in a heartbeat, but memories never die. They’re the foundation to our experiences and everything that we stand for.

I’ll be there Beckham. The jersey is debatable but I’ll be there. Thank you for the invitation and all that you’ve included with it.

The bag of ice slipped onto the floor as I quickly sat up and read over her message once more. I couldn’t help but to stand up and pace the floor. Shit. Now I really have to ball out.

I’m glad to hear that and you’re welcome. See you then. 

Wait, how the fuck are we going to see one another? That’s the part that I’ve yet to figure out. I need to do that quickly.

Rest up that ankle, Beckham. Enjoy your weekend.

We’re riding by chartered bus out to Philly since it’s only about two hours out from East Rutherford and we’ll return the same way. Maybe I could invite her out to dinner after the fact? Nothing fancy, just somewhere cool. Maybe it does need to be fancy? I’m not sure if I should say date, because she’d never go out on a date with me in the first place. I can just call it us grabbing some food. Then again, I did say that there’s going to be food at the stadium so she might be full. Shit.

“O! Sweetie, are you here?”

My mother’s light voice filled the foyer as she closed the door behind herself and I could tear the tussling of bags as she further her way inside of the house. She’s now in the middle of the second week of her two weeks stay and should be heading back to Louisiana after the Eagles game. We’ve had a few conversations about both she, my step-pops, and my little sister potentially relocating up here but we’ve summed it up to it not being necessary. They visit enough and I visit home enough, so there’s no need to leave all that they know on my behalf though I’m honored that they would do it in a heartbeat. Her check ins to make sure all is running smoothly on the business side of things and that I’m physically and mentally alright are always appreciated. It’s the perfect balance of her being able to happily function within her motherhood while also allowing me to be an adult. Jazzy has school, so she couldn’t make the trip, but Thanksgiving is around the corner. I’m sure before the ending of November comes, she’ll get up here to hang out with me for a weekend.

“I am. I’m coming to help you.” I relieved her of the grocery bags that I’m sure are filled with far more healthier items that I typically ever eat. My junk cabinet is more impressive than what’s in the refrigerator. I can whip up an amazing bowl of chicken Ramen though. It’s my specialty. I even get fancy and put an egg in there from time to time. Then you throw some of that green shit on top. What is it? Basil? Cilantro? Whatever it is.

“What do you want for dinner? I figured I’d whip something up while I’m here. You’re going out right? When you get back, you’ll have something real to eat and won’t have to survive off of sour straws and Oreos.”

“Chili. You know I like it when you make it spicy too. Oh, and some cornbread with it. Can’t have chili without cornbread. I’m kicking it here by the way.”

“Chili is so much better than you saying gumbo, because Lord knows, if you did, I would have handed you a takeout menu and wished you the best.” Our laughter was nearly identical. I’m all for some southern comfort food, especially because I don’t get it much up here, but I’ll be fair. The next time she’s here, the gumbo is happening though.

“Nah, I have a taste for the chili.”

“I’ll make a big pot, that way you’ll have it to enjoy over the weekend. I’m going to make something on Sunday before heading to Philadelphia for the game. That way it’ll be out of the way and I won’t have to worry about doing anything before my flight Monday morning. I’ll make enough for you to have a decent amount of leftovers after you dig in on Sunday. How are you feeling? Are you ready?”

“I was born ready. I feel good. Rehab was good. The trainers said I’m in good shape, so I’m ready to play. You know I’ll always play and sometimes, that’s even with discomfort.”

“Which isn’t good, but I’m glad you’re feeling good now.” My mind transitioned through a thousand thoughts as my stomach did backflips in the midst of my contemplating if I should tell her about the invitation to Sarai or not. It’s not like I have much of a choice. They’re going to encounter and be near one another. I could never play it off as a mere coincidence after the fact. Shit, Ben won’t let me either way.

“I invited Sarai Nazaire to the game.” And just like that, both of her eyebrows flew up in surprise and her elbows met the surface of the island as she leaned in to get a good look at me. Her face held a mixture of amusement and warmth. The hue of her skin slightly picked up a faint pink shade once a chuckle spilled from her lips.

“Did you? So that’s why you visited her dressing room after the interview? I thought those tickets were for some sort of an ESPN fan giveaway or something of that nature.”

“No, they were for her. I figured I’d invite her simply as a thank you.”

“Is that all it is?” She folded her hands as those eyebrows flew up yet again. “Just a thank you?”

“Yeah.”

“Then why are you so nervous? You know, I’ve been waiting for a moment like this. Ever since you were a kid, you always played it super cool when it came to the girls. Even the little girlfriends that I met here and there, you kept cool about. Sarai Nazaire? Her name rolls off of your tongue like she’s a goddess. Your eyes literally just lit up at the sound of it. Oh my God.” Her laughter intensified my nervousness and I instantly ran my hand down my face to gain some sort of control over my expressions.

“No, they didn’t.”

“Yes, they did. You have it bad, son. You have a love jones for Sarai, huh?”

“A love jones? What’s that supposed to mean? I’m not in love.”

“I never said that you were. I said a love jones. Watch the movie.” 

“I just think she’s cool momma. I can’t think that?”

“Cool? Jazzy and I think she’s cool, but you, not so much. You think she’s far more than that.”

“Are you going to tease me the entire time I’m standing here? I just wanted to let you know so it won’t be a surprise or anything. Maybe you can make sure she’s cool and stuff? You know, with the accommodations. She may bring a guest.”

“I can do that. Is there anything else you may want me to do or say?” Her mocking tone was my cue to go. She can have those moments when she says little things to playfully embarrass me but she can’t do it on Sunday. If God is on my side, she won’t do it.

“Momma.”

“Okay, okay, okay. I’ll be on my best behavior. As a reflection of my oh so amazing son, I’ll make sure your guest is well taken care of. I mean, after all, I need to make a good impression on her too since she’s going to be around.”

“Who said all of that?” See? That’s what I mean. She’s assuming.

“Your actions.”

“It’s just an invitation of thanks.”

“You already said thank you. You told her that you want to make her proud directly to her face. That’s another thank you. The jersey? A third thank you. The game? A move to begin to court her.”

“You’ll call me when the chili is ready? Cool? Aight, Cool.”

What is with mothers and the third eye situation? I’m a momma’s boy to the core. The sacrifices my mother made to make sure that I was solid in life will never go without every aspect of thanks that I can give her, but in the midst of that, we’ve become like best friends and it’s allowed her to know and be able to read me too well. I can’t slip anything past her no matter how hard I try to. She figures shit out without even being here and a phone call immediately follows; sometimes it’s a flight. Her warnings about women have never come with a leash, because she’s always told me that it’s my life to live but it doesn’t mean that she won’t inform me about whether someone is bad news for me or not. We’ve had our fair share of conversations about particular women, especially over the course of this past summer but even then, I didn’t feel so exposed as I do now. Maybe because there wasn’t anything to expose, at least not emotionally.

I chose to relax in the theater room while awaiting the chili and after scrolling through Netflix and then eventually Amazon Prime Video, I gave in to the curiosity I’d been fighting and decided to check out this Love Jones movie momma mentioned. Given that Larenz Tate and Nia Long are pure talent within their craft, I figured it couldn’t be too bad of a watch despite me not being much of a romance film guy. Putting the love, sex, and romance aspect aside, which is all throughout the film, the most interesting and relative part about the film may have to be the reality of two young people trying to figure out themselves and their journey because I, for sure, am in that place within my own life. I may have the career side of things secured, though it comes with its ups and downs, but as far as everything else? I’m just coasting, fucking up occasionally, and learning as I navigate along. There are aspects of Darius within me and every other young man out here.

“Oh, I see you decided to check it out. How are you liking it?” My attention left Nina’s poem and I shrugged.

“It’s decent.” That’s all I can give it but I’m sure women love the hell out of this film.

“Mhm. The chili’s cooking. I just popped the cornbread in the oven. When it’s ready, I’ll serve you.”

“Have I ever told you that you’re my favorite person ever?”

“Only about a million times and especially when you’re trying to bribe me out of something. Enjoy your movie.”

A happy ending after a roller coaster ride of mixed emotions, complications, and setbacks. I guess it makes sense, given if it’s what you really want. If you walk away, did you really want it in the first place? That’s subjective, but in the case of Darius and Nina, the question stands. I guess their love really was “urgent as a motherfucker”.

What are you doing?

I pulled my lip in-between my teeth and internally cringed at the message I sent to Sarai. Since when are we so casual? I hate that I had to do it. I should have never watched that movie in the first place.

Her reply came my way twenty minutes later. Maybe she’s busy.

Beckham. Lol My life is not that interesting. I doubt you’d want to know.

But you’re the most intriguing human on the planet. How don’t you know it?

Try me.

Maybe she’s with her man and I’m interrupting. I pray she doesn’t say that. I’d rather not know.

In bed, watching Remember the Titans with a jar of Talenti gelato. It’s the beginning of a weekend that will consist of exactly what I’m doing. See? Uninteresting. What club are you heading to tonight? 1oak? Marquee? Lavo?

Hm. She thinks I party a lot. I can’t deny how much I hang out during the off season. L.A. is usually my playground.

Club home theater. I’m chilling with my dogs and scrolling through a couple of apps for movies or a good TV show to binge. Momma making chili for dinner. Just finished Love Jones.

Maybe I’ll check out that Game of Thrones shit that everyone loves. Actually, nah. I’m going to catch up on Power.

You? You watched Love Jones? I’m uh..shocked? lol

Shit, me too.

Momma suggested it. It was a good watch, I guess. Remember the Titans is a better one. We Are Marshall is another good football film. Check it out if you haven’t seen it. What’s your favorite Love Jones quote?

Fuck, I’m corny. I couldn’t help but to laugh at myself after asking that.

My favorite quote? Hmm. I guess it would be: “It’s funny what you can do in front of a room full of people that you can’t even seem to do in front of one person.” That one has always stuck with me. Goodnight Beckham.

I almost tossed my phone into the seat beside me but I couldn’t fight the urge yet again.

You didn’t ask for my favorite quote.

Not necessary and yet, necessary.

And that is?

Only three lines within the film really stuck with me. Out of the three, one seemed to resonate the most.

“One truism in my life, my friend, when that jones come down, it be a motherfucker.” Goodnight Sarai Nazaire.

A motherfucker for sure.

[writingpromptswithkate]

Two Moons Are Better Than One

Part IV.

“Your neighborhood is so quiet,” Hannah remarked in a hushed voice as Nate pulled his truck into the driveway.

“It’s a little too quiet right now,” came Nate’s gruff reply.

Maybe he was just being paranoid. He was never home in the middle of the afternoon on a Thursday, maybe the level of quiet was normal. Maybe the terrier that barked all night was only able to do so because it slept through the day. That had to be it.

The power was out, he noticed immediately when he entered. Everything electrical has a hum: the fridge, the TV, the small orange nightlight plugged into the hall. It’s the kind of white noise thing nobody notices until one day it’s not there. Nate was acutely aware of the lack of it. No wonder the neighborhood felt too quiet.

He set Hannah in charge of the hall closet, where big Costco sized packs of paper towels and toilet paper rolls waited wrapped in plastic. It took her two fully loaded trips to get it all hauled into the bed of Nate’s truck.

Nate was making a rather more thorough tour of his house, hunting down blankets, camping gear, water bottles. He met Hannah in the kitchen. She had pulled in two coolers from the deck.

“I thought between your house and mine we could get these filled” she explained.

“Good idea. The cabinet to your left has nonperishables—grab that box of Ramen.”

“You need boiling water to make Ramen,” Hannah protested, but even as she said it Nate was pulling an electric kettle down from another cabinet.

“It’s for camping: electrical or battery. I know there’s bowls in the break room so no worries there...”

After the easy nonperishables they moved on to the produce. The vegetables would spoil quickly without power but fruit would hang on a few days either way.

“Do we have any idea what’s really going on?” Hannah muttered to herself over a small pile of apples.

“We really don’t.”

“All those people... Oh, Goddess.” Hannah sniffed and put her sleeve to her eye. She was not fully crying yet but she was close. “Do you think it has anything to do with that second moon?”

Nate shrugged. “I don’t see how it could. Yeah the extra light keeps me awake at night, but it’s not driving me that crazy. Not like... Robbie.”

At the mention of the name Hannah gave a loud dry sob. “Oh Robbie. That was awful.”

“He yelled at you and threatened to fire you,” Nate reminded her.

“Yeah but he didn’t deserve to die... You know? Back in the day? People used to think the moon caused madness. That’s why they called it lunacy, like lunar.”

“So twice the moons means twice the madness?”

Hannah flinched at his sharp tone, and he immediately felt ashamed of himself. He had to keep reminding himself that she was having an even worse day than he was. Speculating about the situation might not be helping, but snapping at someone who was already scared and upset was even less helpful.

“Sorry. It’s just, this Bird Box shit has me on edge.”

“Yeah. No, no worries,” Hannah mumbled. “Bird Box? You think it’s something like that? Monsters you can’t see until you can, or that manifest as your worst fear or whatever?”

Nate shrugged. “Honestly I have no idea. I don’t know if it’s the moon, or monsters, or a zombie apocalypse virus. I just know that people are dying and we have no idea what’s triggering it.”

“It seems like most of the people who’ve gone crazy so far did it while they were driving. But Robbie didn’t go anywhere today...?”

“We don’t know that. The people driving are just the ones who have caused damage, the ones people are tweeting about. Who knows how many more people are going crazy right now in their own homes?”

Hannah’s face turned grim. “We should hurry up and get to my folks.”

Nate could only agree. They threw the coolers into the back of his truck.

They tried to get the radio to work while Hannah directed the way to her house, but less than half of the usual stations were transmitting. Most of the ones that came through were in Spanish. The traffic advisory channel on AM came through, but there was nothing it could tell them that they could not observe with their own eyes.

Nate understood what Hannah meant by his neighborhood being quiet when he arrived at her house. Hannah and her family lived on the edge of a trailer park right off the highway; they would be subject to traffic and truck noise at any and all hours of the day.

Right now though, with the streets already clogged, with all the remaining traffic slowed down, and without the familiar hums of electricity, her neighborhood was also unnaturally quiet.

Or it was.

A gunshot sounded nearby. Right in front of them, actually. It came from Hannah’s house.

Stricken, Hannah fumbled for the door handle and practically fell out of the truck. She ran in a blind panic to her front door.

Nate was only a few steps behind her; he grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her back before she could touch the screen.

“Whoever. Is. In. There. Has. A. Gun.” He said each word deliberately. Hannah sobbed again.

“Mom. Dad,” she croaked pitifully. And Nate was not without pity. But he also could not let her run into danger blindly. It was a single-wide for God’s sake; where could she run? Where could she possibly hide?

An answering sob came from inside the house. It was, at first, inarticulate wailing. Like the cry of an inconsolable baby filtered through adult lungs. Gradually some words began to filter through the cries.

“Irene...” the voice cried out between blubbers.

Hannah began thrashing against Nate’s grip on her. “That’s my dad!” she screamed at him, just before breaking free and running into her house.

Nate hesitated for a second, torn between going after Hannah and protecting himself against being shot.

Hannah’s scream was the tie-breaker, and Nate tore after her without thinking.

Entering Hannah’s parents’ living room was like entering a labyrinth of dusty tchotchkes and brass picture frames that together covered so much of the walls you almost couldn’t tell what an unpleasantly dark, dated shade of fake wood paneling was under them. A kitchen to the right sported dark cabinets with brass hardware, and the trend continued down the hall to the left with paneled walls and brass doorknobs.

It was from that direction that Hannah’s scream had apparently come, and Nate threaded his way around small laundry piles and stacks of magazines until he reached the end of the hall.

The door to the master bedroom stood ajar, and just inside it: Hannah, standing with her back pressed against a picture frame on the wall, staring in mute terror at the floor.

Hannah’s mother, who must have been Irene, lay on the floor, dead or nearly so. She was surrounded by a pool and a spray of her own blood, her discarded oxygen tank a few feet away beside the bed.

And sitting on the bed, with hollow eyes and a decrepit hand wrapped around a 9mm pistol, was an old man. He was staring down at Irene in shock.

“Dad?” Hannah finally squeaked out. The old man flinched but he did not look up.

“Mr. Jennings?” Nate prompted. Hannah’s dad flinched again.

“Mr. Earl Jennings?” Nate said again, after a brief whispered appeal to Hannah for her dad’s first name. At the sound of his first name, he finally looked up.

“I had to do it,” he wheezed in despair. “I had to do it. She was going crazy. She was... oh, Irene.”

Nate turned toward Hannah, but her face was white and her lips were sealed, and she would not or could not speak.

“What do you mean, Mr. Jennings? What do you mean, she was going crazy?”

Mr. Jennings wailed. “She was talking all this crazy talk, about how the whole world had to be cleaned. She said she was going to the moon while the world was cleaned, and when it was done bein’ cleaned she was gonna come back and be queen here. On a new clean Earth. She was...crazy. She took off her oxygen mask and hit me when I tried to put it back on her.” And truly, ugly bruises were forming on Earl’s face and arms. “She started screamin’. And then. Then she just stopped. She went all silent and cold-like. Then she said. She said.” He paused.

“What did she say, Mr. Jennings?” Nate prompted after a few moments of nothing but Earl sobbing.

Earl took a shuddering breath. “She seemed calm. But she took a knife from the kitchen. And she said the world had to be cleaned, and she’d do the cleanin’ if she had to...Oh God. She was gonna kill me, I could see it in her eyes. Irene...” he broke off again into inarticulate wailing.

After a few minutes he subsided, and he finally looked up at Hannah. “I’m so sorry baby. I’m so sorry.”

He held the pistol up to his own temple and pulled.

Hannah screamed. Nate screamed. Earl did not scream. The force of the shot flung his body down against the mattress. The blood sprayed out and flicked all over Nate and Hannah’s clothes.

Nate turned as quickly as he could, threw his arms around Hannah and pushed her head against his shoulder, forcing darkness over her eyes. He was not quick enough to spare her the sight of her father’s death, but at least she would not be able to keep looking at it. It also prevented Nate from having to look at the body any longer than necessary. He was actually feeling like he might be sick if he did not get them out of this room quickly.

Hannah sobbed and screamed into Nate’s shoulder and alternated between struggling against his grip on her and clutching his shirt. She let him herd her out of the master bedroom, but her legs gave out in the living room and she collapsed onto the threadbare sofa.

She stayed there, curled up and sobbing, for at least another ten minutes. Nate was powerless to do anything but sit there next to her, trying as hard as he could to get the image of Earl’s last moments out of his mind. The image would not go away.

First Robbie, now Hannah’s parents. Was the whole world going crazy?

—the story continues—

<<Part III  | Part V>>

[xtattlecrimex-blog]

The Hannigram Obsession

One of the things that is most disturbing to me is the obsession surrounding Hannigram. For those who don’t know what that is, it’s a fictional and non-canonical relationship from the show Hannibal. It is the romantic pairing of Will Graham with Hannibal Lecter. We’ll start with a brief history of why this isn’t actually canon, as well as why it’s not actually romantic. We’ll follow that up with what the fandom turned it into and how it’s become problematic.

First of all, no matter how much people want to cry that this is a canon ship it just isn’t. By the definition of the word “canon” it isn’t. The events in the show that transpired on screen through actions or dialogue do not show any romantic interaction between Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham. What they show is a man in a position of power (Hannibal) using that power to brainwash, manipulate, and gaslight his victim (Will Graham). There was never anything in the show that denoted, for any second, that Will Graham felt love towards Hannibal Lecter or vice versa.

The Hannigram shippers will bend over backwards to justify this relationship as not only canon but loving and romantic. They seem utterly blind to the fact that what actually happened here was Hannibal pretty much brainwashed Will into being codependent. So badly, in fact, that Will decided he couldn’t live without Hannibal and literally killed Hannibal and himself at the end of season three. This denotes a relationship that was in no way loving or organic. It denotes there was a significant amount of abuse that took place to get Will into such a mental state that he would feel that way or do something so utterly drastic.

The only real argument they have going in their favor that may support Hannigram being canon is Bryan Fuller saying that it was canon (or still is). However, he never put anything in the show that denotes that. We enter into a problem of history revision and the defense of an author because “they say so” even though they have not actually put the material in the source they created in the first place. If Bryan Fuller wanted Hannigram to be canon and romantic, he had all the power to do that when he was making the show. He was the show creator, after all, yet he made a very conscious decision not to do that. Not to include it. Bryan Fuller, is in essence, manipulating the fans. 

Though I really hate the term “queerbaiting” because 99% of the time when it’s used it’s not used properly or it’s just not happening, this is one of the very rare instances where that’s exactly what’s going on. Hannigram is queerbaiting by Bryan Fuller. Yet, for some reason, no one gets upset with this. Maybe because Bryan Fuller is a gay man himself and most of the fannibals are SJWs so they feel they can’t call him out on it. For whatever reason, though, they are willfully ignorant to the fact that Bryan Fuller cannot reverse engineer the narrative he already created to claim something was canon when it wasn’t.

This all started with the Dumbledore being gay thing. Once again, something that very well could have been included in the writing of the original Harry Potter books or added into the movies if that was the true narrative that JK Rowling had in mind. She created these things, she had control over them, and if it was that important to put into the canon in some way she could have done it. She never did. Both Rowling and Fuller’s retroactive application of a “gay” label on past characters or ships, is nothing more than a desperate attempt at virtue signaling for “woke points”. An attempt at appeasement to the angry minority that will make any writer’s life a living hell if they don’t get what they want.

Even worse, Bryan Fuller ships Hannigram himself. To a very high level. Since the beginning of the show, season one, he was tweeting erotic fan art of Hannibal and Will. Explicit erotic art. The more gruesome the better. The more sexual the better. he bragged several times about his “favorite” piece of fan art which is Hannibal eating Will’s cock and he tweeted the image several times as well. This started very early on and this has not slowed down. In this tweet you can see him voting on a poll to decide what erotic BDSM piece of art some fan artist will make next and celebrating that his vote got picked. His behavior as show creator and runner is and always has been abhorrent and gross objectification of Hugh Dancy and Mads Mikkelsen. It was passed on to the fannibals who continue to do it with his encouragement and on his behalf.

Bryan Fuller has also endorsed the RAW anthology which was just an excuse to make a “book” of erotic NSFW Hannigram fan art and fan fiction. He donated a gross amount of money to the Kickstarter for this to get it funded and get his copy and endorsed the hell out of it so it would make more money and he could actually get a copy. This is not the behavior someone from a show should be displaying, not only to his fans but to the public. If the show runner is behaving this way, and he damn well should know better, then how bad do you think his fans are? They are even worse. They think this behavior is acceptable. They think it’s okay to approach the stars of the show and discuss very explicit homoerotic art and stories with them. It’s obscene.

I’m not against people making pornographic fan art. At all. In fact, I think a lot of it is super well done and made by very talented people. I’m not against writing super erotic PWP fan fiction. That’s fine too. I encourage art in all of it’s forms and I don’t want it censored. However, I do think it should be kept away from the actors. Especially if we are considering that the two actors in this pairing are straight and married men with children. This should not be something that the fans shove in their faces as openly as they do, and even if that was okay, it’s not okay for their literal BOSS to do it to them.

Though Mads and Hugh do seem to be somewhat okay with it, it’s questionable to me why. Maybe they are, maybe they think it’s flattering, fair enough, but I also think that it hasn’t been fully explained to them. Things like how these people build literal shrines to their existence. The fact that them advocating this behavior has created people who literally stalk them. People who defend the ship so hard they send death threats to people who say it’s not canon. I don’t think they realize that they are fueling a fire that will soon get out of control, especially when the fannibals finally have their revelation that season four just isn’t going to happen.

At the end of the day, I am not against dark and toxic ships. I am not against gay or slash pairings, either canon or not, I’m not against erotic art and I’m not against erotic fan fiction. I am against trying to pull the actors from the show into the fantasy or downright delusions you have about them or their real life relationships. I am against mistreating actors because you are so obsessed with a non-canonical ship that you think it’s just okay to throw in their faces. Even worse, I’m against taking a very toxic and abusive ship and repeatedly justifying it as romantic and loving.

If you were to talk to one of these people, if only for a minute, you would see how incredibly brainwashed and devoted they are. They don’t see how the ship could possibly be abusive. They don’t get the ramifications of brainwashing, gaslighting, or what was done to Will Graham. They are honestly so deluded that they think what Hannibal was doing to Will in season one and two was “courting” and going on dates when in reality, he was just abusing Will. He denied him medical treatment for a serious illness he had, he was feeding Will human flesh secretly, and he was framing Will for murder while also trying to get him to commit murder. This was not dating or courting or anywhere near normal. This was abuse.

Part of me wonders if this is why Jennifer Cornet went so undetected, because the fandom already seems to think that what Hannibal did to Will was normal and true love, ergo, what Jennifer did to her victims must be the same? It’s exactly why this fandom’s ideology surrounding Hannigram is toxic and dangerous. It has led to actual people being victimized in real life. Whether it was used to scam unsuspecting people out of money or actually con naive girls into joining a sex cult, it has jumped from just the fandom into the real world.

This is something that should be kept on the internet, between friends, and in the fantasy world of fan art and fiction. It should be kept away from the actors, and it should not be promoted by not only the creator of the show, but several other professional staff members as well. It is something that shouldn’t be considered canon just because the fans really want it to be. This sort of thing leads to the abuse of real life people and makes the world far too toxic. The fact that no one even stops to consider how serious it is, was, has gotten, or will get, is the most disturbing thing to me of all.

[yobaba30]

We’re heading into dark times. This is how to be your own light in the Age of Trump

~ Sarah Kendzior Flyover Country Former Correspondent

My fellow Americans, I have a favor to ask you.

Today is November 18, 2016. I want you to write about who you are, what you have experienced, and what you have endured.

Write down what you value; what standards you hold for yourself and for others. Write about your dreams for the future and your hopes for your children. Write about the struggle of your ancestors and how the hardship they overcame shaped the person you are today.

Write your biography, write down your memories. Because if you do not do it now, you may forget.

Write a list of things you would never do. Because it is possible that in the next year, you will do them.

Write a list of things you would never believe. Because it is possible that in the next year, you will either believe them or be forced to say you believe them.

A president-elect who wants to strip our country down for parts

It is increasingly clear, as Donald Trump appoints his cabinet of white supremacists and war-mongers, as hate crimes rise, as the institutionsthat are supposed to protect us cower, as international norms are shattered, that his ascendency to power is not normal.

This is an American authoritarian kleptocracy, backed by millionaire white nationalists both in the United States and abroad, meant to strip our country down for parts, often using ethnic violence to do so.

This is not a win for anyone except them. This is a moral loss and a dangerous threat for everyone in the United States, and by extension, everyone abroad.

I have been studying authoritarian states for over a decade, and I would never exaggerate the severity of this threat. Others who study or have lived in authoritarian states have come to the same conclusion as me.

And the plight is beyond party politics: it is not a matter of having a president-elect whom many dislike, but having a president-elect whose explicit goal is to destroy the nation.

None of us deserves what’s coming

I am writing this not for those who oppose him, but for those who support him, because Trump and his backers are going to hurt you too.

I live in Missouri, now a bright red state, alongside you. I have faced the same economic misery as you, struggling to stay afloat since the recession, which never ended though many falsely claimed it did. I have the same anxiety over crime and racial tension and corrupt leadership as you. I am an independent, not a Democrat or a Republican, because I am as disappointed in political parties as you.

I am writing down my own good memories, and some of them are with you. I have walked beside you in our state parks, along our flowing rivers, and in our cities and small towns. I have talked and laughed with you in St. Louis, in Cape Girardeau, in Hannibal, in the Ozarks, and in the devastated rural areas in between, while surrounded by your signs and hats proclaiming support for Donald Trump. You do not deserve what is going to happen to you, and I do not deserve what is going to happen to me, because there is absolutely no one in the world who deserves what may be coming.

He told us his plans all along, though most chose to downplay or deny them

You can look to the president-elect himself for a vision of what is to come. He has told you his plans all along, though most chose to downplay or deny them. You can even look back to before his candidacy, when in February 2014, he went on Fox News to defend Russia. Why a reality TV host was on Fox News defending Russia is its own story, but here is what he said

Listen to what Trump said already back in 2014. about his desired outcome for the United States:

“You know what solves it? When the economy crashes, when the country goes to total hell and everything is a disaster. Then you’ll have a [chuckles], you know, you’ll have riots to go back to where we used to be when we were great.”

This is what “Make America Great Again” means to Donald Trump. It is how he has operated his businesses, taking advantage of economic disasters like the housing market crash for personal gain. It is why, during a long and painful recession, he made “You’re fired” a national catchphrase, because he understands that sometimes it feels good to know that the person getting fired, for once, is not you. He said he could shoot someone on 5th Avenue and people would still vote for him, and he said he could grab women “by the pussy” because “When you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.”

The system is rigged in his favor

He is right about that last part. No one holds Trump accountable, because he is exactly what he claimed to be railing against: an elite billionaire with no concern for the average person, a kleptocrat who enjoys taunting people less powerful than him with threats. When you have that kind of money, which Trump was given in birth and further gained through fraud, there are few limitations to the ways you can hurt people.

He is right that the system is rigged: it is rigged in his favor. And now it is rigged against you, unless we find a way to stop it.

I have been to the Trump rallies, not as a journalist, but as an observer in the crowd. I talked with you and you told me your hopes for the country under him, how you felt you were watching history being made, how you thought he was going to stick it to those who have been screwing us. I know the loyalty he inspires. I know it is unearned, because he lied.

Trump’s vision for the United States is echoed in that of his chief strategist, Steve Bannon, a man who even the very right-wing Glenn Beck describes as a dangerous, sociopathic racist. In 2016, a reporter from the Daily Beast recalled this conversation with Bannon:

“I’m a Leninist,” Bannon proudly proclaimed.

Shocked, I asked him what he meant.

“Lenin,” he answered, “wanted to destroy the state, and that’s my goal too. I want to bring everything crashing down, and destroy all of today’s establishment.”

The days of free speech may soon end

This mirrors Trump’s own goals of destroying the United States, and it mirrors the intentions of dictators everywhere, who see people as objects to be manipulated and discarded, and not as real human beings. I have seen dictatorships firsthand in the former Soviet Union. I have friends who were imprisoned for expressing even the slightest criticism of the state, friends who had their businesses shaken down by the government and were left bankrupt, and friends whose family members were murdered by state security services.

I have worked, often unpaid, as an expert witness in political asylum cases for people from authoritarian states, because I will do anything to help people in this terrible position. The brutality they have endured, the fear of the state that prevents them from making independent choices, is something difficult for American minds to fathom.

The *8mainstream media has promoted him ceaselessly and are now rationalizing and normalizing Trump’s most extreme policies **owned and operated by Sinclair Broadcasting

We are a deeply flawed nation, and those who are minorities or poor have faced state-sanctioned cruelty as well as limited opportunities. But it is simply not the same as authoritarianism.

Though our speech is often challenged, we can still speak. We can debate each other and come up with ways to improve our country. We can scream at each other and mock each other and tell each other our political choices are terrible. You will miss those days, they may end soon.

You may be wondering why I am writing a letter to Americans in a Dutch news outlet. It is because I do not trust the US outlets to remain free, and believe that many are already compromised. The mainstream media who Trump proclaims to hate are actually his best friend. They have been all along, promoting him ceaselessly, and they are now rationalizing and normalizing his most extreme policies. Trump tells you to boycott CNN, but CNN’s boss always had a framed Trump tweet on the wall.

For what it’s worth, Trump supporters, I have always supported your boycott of CNN. But this common ground is grim.

Preparing to live like a nation of dissidents

It is possible that I will end up living like the dissidents who I defended from foreign dictatorships for so long. I will talk in coded terms, as I have started to do already. Did you think it was a coincidence that I published an article about Elijah Lovejoy, a journalist who sought freedom for all and was killed by St. Louis mobs, right before the election? I will try to continue to publish in foreign outlets. I will rearrange my life so I can fight this fight, because I am fighting for my country, and I never give up on my country or on my countrymen.

But I need you to fight too, in the way that matters most, which is inside. Authoritarianism is not merely a matter of state control, it is something that eats away at who you are. It makes you afraid, and fear can make you cruel. It compels you to conform and to comply and accept things that you would never accept, to do things you never thought you would do.

You do it because everyone else is doing it, because the institutions you trust are doing it and telling you to do it, because you are afraid of what will happen if you do not do it, and because the voice in your head crying out that something is wrong grows fainter and fainter until it dies.

We are heading into dark times, and you need to be your own light. Do not accept brutality and cruelty as normal even if it is sanctioned

That voice is your conscience, your morals, your individuality. No one can take that from you unless you let them. They can take everything from you in material terms – your house, your job, your ability to speak and move freely. They cannot take away who you truly are. They can never truly know you, and that is your power.

But to protect and wield this power, you need to know yourself – right now, before their methods permeate, before you accept the obscene and unthinkable as normal.

My heart breaks for the United States of America. It breaks for those who think they are my enemies as much as it does for my friends. You still have your freedom, so use it. There are many groups organizing for both resistance and subsistence, but we are heading into dark times, and you need to be your own light. Do not accept brutality and cruelty as normal even if it is sanctioned. Protect the vulnerable and encourage the afraid. If you are brave, stand up for others. If you cannot be brave – and it is often hard to be brave – be kind.

But most of all, never lose sight of who you are and what you value. If you find yourself doing something that feels questionable or wrong a few months or years from now, find that essay you wrote on who you are and read it. Ask if that version of yourself would have done the same thing.

And if the answer is no? Don’t do it.