#I had less than 4 hours of sleep last night maybe that’s why this is so rambly but also

[eredins-a-king-aint-he]

Quick question: who the fuck has the energy and vitriol left over at the end of the day to send shitty anon asks on tunglr dot com?? Have you SEEN the state of the world rn??? Even if you’re already an asshole and don’t give a rat’s left nut about the terrifying equality issues happening at the moment, the cost of living these days is fucking insane!! Inflation is out-the-wazoo bonkers but wages haven’t budged a fucking inch. How can anyone afford to spend extra energy being a dick to internet strangers when there’s genuinely life-affecting stuff to be focusing on?? Like bro???

[lisenberry]

Fluffy fluff.

CW: Pregnancy and child birth, language

Ch.2, Ch.3 Ch.4

You knew this day would come. Your due date wasn’t until the following week, but as of your last check-up, the midwife didn’t think you would make it that long.

But you were still surprised, and fought a rising panic, when you woke up around dawn to your first set of contractions. They weren’t terrible, at first, and you tried to remain calm as you showered, dressed in the comfortable outfit you’d set aside and checked your hospital bag for the thousandth time since you’d packed it weeks ago.

You’d read all of the books and watched all of the videos. It was a long process, and there was no rush to get to the hospital at this stage. It could be hours, days even before anything happened.

You were completely prepared and in control.

Until you stepped out into your hallway and straight into the wall of heat and muscle that was your neighbor.

“Oh, hi, John. I didn’t know you were back.” It’d been over a year since he’d left.

Why on earth he kept such an expensive apartment when he hardly ever lived in it, you couldn’t understand. He’d lived across the hall for five years, and had spent less than six months total sleeping in his bed.

And every so often, when it worked out, in yours.

“I got in late last night.” He paused, brows drawn together as he took in your obvious condition. “I was just heading to the gym.”

Jesus, he looked so good. Even in track shorts and a hooded sweatshirt. It pulled tightly across his chest as he rocked back on his heels. No doubt doing the quick math as to whether or not he could be responsible.

“I’m headed to have a baby,” you huffed out, as a sudden rush of spasming pain in your back nearly keeled you over.

That was a new feeling. It felt urgent. Shit, maybe you should’ve left sooner.

“Right now?” He lunged to grab your bags from your arms as you leaned against the wall for support.

“Not yours, don’t worry.” You laughed up at him, in an attempt to lighten the awkwardness of the exchange.

“Can I call someone for you?”

“I called a cab. It’s on its way.” The pressure started to ebb as you chanced a few steps towards the stairs.

“A cab? Absolutely not, I’ll drive you.”

“No, please. It’s fine. I have a plan. It’s all going to plan.”

But he’d taken possession of your hospital bag and your diaper bag, and had them loaded into the boot of his truck before you could protest.

“Is your boy—the father meeting you there?” Once he’d hoisted you into the passenger seat, and started the engine, he finally asked the question that had been left hanging between you.

“He’s not in the picture.”

Never was, you didn’t add. After you’d convinced yourself it would never work out between you and John, you'd had a brief fling with a visiting colleague from Berlin.

Imagine your surprise when you found out you were pregnant a month after he’d finished the project and gone home. To his wife, you found out later.

“You’re doing this alone?”

“It’s going to be fine. I told you, I have a plan.”

**********

“You don’t have to stay, really. I can do this on my own.” The contractions had become so intense, you couldn't control your voice enough to sound convincing.

His sympathetic smile as he finished filling out your intake paperwork was purely to placate. He had no intention of leaving. And you were grateful for his help.

The fact that he knew so much about you to only need to ask a few questions when completing the never-ending forms should’ve been alarming, not comforting.

Your blood type? Had you ever told him that?

“Aren’t you preregistered? How many times have you had to give them the same information?” He drew his eyebrows together in frustration as he realized the next packet was double sided.

“A fucking thousand.” You focused on your breathing and fought the waves of nausea that seemed to get worse along with the pain.

Weren’t there supposed to be breaks? You were told there would be breaks. You barely got a second to unclench your fists before another one started again.

You stood too quickly and steadied yourself with a hand to his shoulder.

“Where are you going?” Concerned, he stood with you.

“I’m going to be sick.” You rushed, or rather waddled at your fastest pace, to the nearby family restroom and he trailed along close behind.

He stopped momentarily at the triage desk to slap the clipboard down and boom something about needing a room immediately, before following you in and holding your hair back as you wretched into the toilet.

“Shhh, I’ve got you.” He soothed, as he rubbed your back and passed you a wad of tissue.

“Please don’t leave me,” you croaked out, tears flowing at your helplessness and the sudden realization that this was only the beginning. That your life would never be the same.

“Careful what you wish for, darling.”

Once you were admitted to a room and set up with effective pain management, you finally relaxed enough to get your wits about you. And that involved, in no small part, frequently reminding the staff that, no, John was not your husband. He wasn’t even the father.

He wasn’t nearly as dedicated to correcting them as you were.

Things seemed to happen quickly, although you’d find out later that you labored well into the night, with a tireless, supporting hand held firmly in yours.

“You did so good, love.” When it was all over, he wiped a sweaty, wayward lock of hair from your cheek and planted a kiss on the top of your head. Seemingly as relieved as you were. As if he’d been holding his breath along side you.

You missed the look the nurse gave you as she placed the squirming infant on your chest, nor did you hear her mutter under her breath, “Not the father, my ass.”

“Welcome to the world, sweetheart,” you cooed, the pain quickly forgotten as you felt a tremendous sense of peace. Clarity.

“And welcome home, John.”

[wintersoldiersoul]

Drowning

A/N: Not sure how I feel about this one but I'm currently going through this situation with my boyfriend and I thought that writing about it might help me feel better. Haven't gotten to the part where I talk to him about it but maybe this will inspire me.

It was late. Too late. You should be sleeping but it was impossible with your mind racing. You and Bucky had been together for almost a year now but you never really felt secure in your relationship with him. Maybe it was the way that your last boyfriend had broken up with you out of nowhere. You wish you knew why, but you always felt like Bucky was going to run. 

As much as you loved him, you also wanted more from him. More reassurance. More romance. More small gestures to show you that he cared. And you couldn’t blame him for not giving them to you when you hadn’t asked but as much as you preached the importance of communication to your friends, you were a hypocrite. You could never apply that to your own relationship.

Everytime you tried to express your feelings, you couldn’t do it. What if I’m right? What if I tell him that I’m afraid he’s gonna leave and he finally takes it as his chance to do so? You would think. Or what if I plant the idea in his head? 

All of this was made harder by the fact that you were younger than him. While he was established with a career, living on his own, you had just graduated college and were back living with your parents. Finding a job felt nearly impossible despite the countless resumes and cover letters that you sent out every single day. Your brain constantly flashed back to a conversation you had in May, where you asked him if you would stay together when you moved back home. Your hometown was less than an hour from where Bucky lived in Brooklyn, so in your mind it was a no brainer. But when your question opened up a conversation that blindsided you.

Bucky explained that he was ready to be settled down. You were shocked when he had said the words, “Sometimes it feels like we have an expiration date.”

The next morning he said he was being ridiculous. That he loved you and of course the two of you would figure it out. But ever since then, you hadn’t been able to relax. Even now, a month into you living back at home you still couldn’t shake the feeling that he was going to change his mind. You saw him just as often as you had when you were still living in the city. You didn’t mind taking the train to go see him 3 or 4 times a week. But the stress and anxiety was weighing on you. Combined with adjusting to post-grad life, you were not doing well. 

You had never felt so lonely in your life. All of your college friends had also moved back to their hometowns while most of your friends from high school were still dispersed around the country. The job search left you feeling defeated every single day. And the lack of things to do and structure made life feel meaningless. It was safe to say that you had hit a low point. 

But you wanted to hide it all from Bucky. Because what if you brought up how hard it was to find a job and he realized that this wasn’t going to work? What if you told him how lonely you were and he was offended that he wasn’t enough? He knew that you struggled with anxiety and he was no stranger to mental health issues of his own but you just found it impossible to open up to him about all of this.

So there you were, in the midst of another sleepless night overthinking everything. Laptop opened, frantically searching on LinkedIn for jobs in the hopes that one thing just might work out. You read back your text messages from the past few days. Does he seem distant, or is my stupid brain playing tricks on me? As your spiral continued, you could feel a panic attack brewing. You tried your best to focus on your breathing but it became impossible. You just wanted to talk to Bucky. You needed to talk to Bucky. 

Fuck it, you thought. Losing him would be horrible, but so is living in this fear. Through your tears and shaking hands, you typed a message.

Y/N: Are you awake?

You shook your legs and bit your nails as you stared at the screen waiting for those three dots to show up.

Bucky: Yeah.

You took a deep breath as you sent the next message, trying to not go crazy over the dry single word he had responded with.

Y/N: Can I call you?

You desperately wished you could be with him right now to have this conversation. To analyze his body language in person. But you weren’t with him and you wouldn’t see him til the end of the week and you needed to get this out. Now.

Bucky: It’s late. I’m trying to get some sleep. 

You knew work had been kicking his ass lately. He was putting in insane hours, usually waking up at 6 and not finishing up til midnight. You knew he needed to rest and you almost responded back saying nevermind, and goodnight. But no. You needed to be a little selfish or you would crumble. Tonight felt like a turning point. Or a breaking point.

Y/N: Please Bucky. I really need to talk to you.

Bucky: Ok

Pressing dial on his name, you felt your heart rate increase even more. You tried to take deep breaths to calm your tears but it didn’t help. You were practically sobbing by the time he answered the call. “Bucky…” you said into the phone. 

At hearing your voice, Bucky was alert. He could tell that something was wrong. You had never cried in front of him. “Y/N? Baby, what's wrong? What's going on?” His desire for sleep was completely gone. All he cared about was you. He knew that he wasn’t the best boyfriend. He knew he could treat you better. But the years of trauma he had experienced made it hard for him to be vulnerable with anyone. He loved you so much that it hurt him and he hated himself that he couldn’t fully give himself to you. 

“Bucky, I’m not okay. I’m really really not okay,” you practically hyperventilated. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep living like this. I can’t.”

“Shhh, can you take some deep breaths for me?” He said calmly. “I need you to calm down and tell me what's going on.” He listened quietly as he heard you breathe deeply.

“Bucky, I’m terrified,” you finally spoke after a couple of minutes. “I don’t feel secure in our relationship. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells constantly because I’m petrified that you’re gonna leave. That one day you’re just gonna decide that you’re done with me because I’m too young and I live with my parents and I don’t have a job. And trying to find a job has really been taking a toll on me. I’m trying so fucking hard but it feels impossible. It’s so defeating waking up every single day to an email inbox full of rejections and I feel worthless and stupid. I’m not doing well not being in college anymore. I don’t have any structure to my days and life feels really fucking pointless right now. I’m so lonely. Fuck, I’m so lonely, Buck.” You took a pause, bracing yourself for his response. 

“Baby, why haven’t you brought this up sooner? Why haven’t you told me any of this?” There was genuine shock in his voice. 

“Because!” You cried. “I don’t want to remind you about how hard it is to find a job right now. I don’t want you to think about the fact that I live with my parents now while you have your own independent life. I never want to remind you of it because I don’t want you to change your mind and leave. And I don’t want you to think that you’re not enough for me because I’m lonely. I love you so much but I just… I really fucking miss my friends.” 

“Y/N, I need you to listen to me. Like, really listen to me. I am well aware of your situation. I know it’s hard to find a job right now. I’m not gonna leave you, okay? I’m committed to this. To you.”

You sniffled. “But you said that you wanted to be settled down. That we might have an expiration date.”

He sighed. “I’m sorry for that. I never should have said those things. When we had that conversation I was tired and not thinking clearly. And I spent that whole night wide awake thinking about how stupid I was and how stupid I would be to let you go because you need some time to find your footing after college. I hate that those words affected you so much. I’m so sorry.”

You talked to him for a while longer, pouring out all of your insecurities that you’d been holding back. After a while, the conversation started to shift to more normal things.

“Baby,” Bucky yawned. “I love you so much but I gotta go to bed. And tomorrow after work I’ll come see you, okay?”

“Okay. I love you too.”

Your worries wouldn’t fade overnight. You wouldn’t suddenly be able to get a job. Your friends wouldn’t all come back to you. College was over and life was drastically different. But at least now Bucky knew. And he wasn’t going to leave.

[lightupthemoon]

Maroon

Summary: You wished it could have lasted an eternity, and that made you ignore the signs. You knew it that night, when

she kissed you for the first time, and you knew it every night she looked into your eyes and told

you her deepest, darkest secrets. You knew you represented everything she had never wanted.

Pairing: Kate Bishop x Reader

Warnings: None, this is just angst.

Word Count: 4 K

Read on AO3

Author’s Note:

*tap tap* is this thing on? Well, hello! It's been a long, long time! Honestly, writer's block is a real thing, especially when you have two jobs and not enough time to daydream. Regardless, I made a promise to my friend @ittynyte, who made the awesome art for this, that I would write this for her birthday. It took me a year, but I delivered. Better late than never, right? I hope you enjoy it!

The light slipping through the curtains seemed rather blinding that morning. Perhaps it was the building headache that drilled through your brain. Maybe the ache that made itself present in your chest with every breath you took. You groaned, hating it.

You dragged yourself out of bed, the opposite side as empty as it had been the last couple of weeks. You tried not to look at it. You still couldn’t get used to the emptiness, even with time passing by.

Your freshly made black coffee alleviated the headache, but the deafening silence of your apartment only made you travel to simpler times. Your gaze fell into the wine-stained carpet that you had neglected to throw out and the incense marks left on the dark wood of your coffee table.

Even if you didn’t intend to, you could still picture it as clearly as it had happened yesterday.

“Okay, weirdos, I’m retiring to bed,” Cassie proclaimed, getting up from the couch despite the growing protests coming from the floor, where you and Kate sat. She had her back against the opposite loveseat, your feet on her lap while you used the cushions as pillows on the floor, both tipsy.

“Cass, it’s only–” Kate started, lifting her wrist to her face to see the hour, squinting her eyes. “Oh, crap. It’s 4 a.m.”

“Exactly.” Cassie retorted, grabbing her phone and her blanket from the couch she was on. “Some of us actually do want to sleep, okay?”

“Party pooper.” You said, matter-of-factly. Cassie only rolled her eyes, throwing a kiss in your direction.

“Don’t finish my wine!”

You and Kate made a similar sound in response, before looking at each other and exploding into giggles.

It wasn’t often that you spent time with Kate. Between your jobs, school, and her multiple sports practices, it was hard to hang out. And it was a shame, really, because you did enjoy Kate’s company. She was funny, and not bad to look at. She was brilliant, too, but not in a way that made you feel less than. No, her brilliance was something that not a lot of people gave her credit for. It was in the way she spoke so eloquently about the things she was passionate about. Like in that moment, starting a rant on why vinyl records were a much better way to capture audio than any other. You could have listened to her forever, go on about how listening to records was an immersive physical experience that simply could never be replicated. Almost like that moment, too.

“Simply the quality of the audio should be enough to choose vinyl!” Kate continued saying.  

“Streaming is more convenient, though,” you replied with a mischievous grin. “I can only press play on a silly little app on my phone and listen.”

Kate rolled her eyes, the tiniest of smiles drawn on her lips, pushing your feet off her lap to get up. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

“Where do you think you are going?” You asked, faking offense. “See? You can’t even defend your argument.”

“Shut up, I’m getting more wine,” Kate said, picking up your glass from the coffee table.

The bottle of red wine that Cassie left opened on the counter was already half-empty, and it wasn’t your first. You watched as Kate poured the wine into the glasses, a curl of long black hair falling into her perfectly sculptured face as she did so. You allowed yourself this momentary silence to admire her, from the curve of her nose to the shape of her lips. You never wonder why half the world seemed to be enthralled in that woman—you had experienced it firsthand, every time she was around. The light in her smile was enough to leave anyone breathless. However, you were aware that Kate Bishop was not the kind of person who would ever find it within herself to settle down. If anything, adrenaline was her lover, and danger was her spouse. Anything that kept her away from those things was merely a distraction.

You never let yourself daydream about her. But you would occasionally indulge in her beauty.

“I can prove it to you,” you heard Kate say as she returned to the living room, placing both glasses on the coffee table. She walked toward the TV stand, where Cassie kept all of her records, which had originally prompted the conversation. She kneeled in front of them, lightly brushing the spine of the covers as she lowly murmured the names on them to herself. After a little while, a small ‘aha’ escaped Kate’s lips, pulling a record.

“Katherine,” you called her in a whisper-yell. “Cassie literally just went to sleep.”

Kate scoffed, not even bothering to look your way as she pulled the record from its case and placed it as carefully as possible on the record player. “Please, she’s probably knocked out by now. She won’t hear us.”

You shook your head in disapproval, reaching for your wine glass, with a faint smile dancing on your lips. The soft sound of a male voice, accompanied by a soft bassline and high hats in the background started filling the room. You watched Kate smile satisfied as you took a sip of your wine, the dryness reminding you why you actually preferred the cheap rosé Cassie liked. She hummed along to the music, swaying side to side a bit as she walked toward you.

“Do you hear that? How clear every instrument is?” Kate said with a grin. “You can’t tell me you get that from Apple Music.”

“Who do you think I am?” You replied, the laugh present in your voice. “I use Spotify, doofus.”

“Even worse.” Kate sighed, grabbing her wine and extending her free hand in your direction.

You arched your eyebrows, skeptical. “Hello to you too?”

The brunette rolled her eyes, but her hand never faltered. “Dance with me.”

The question took you by surprise, but not more than your own hand moving forward to take hers without even thinking about it. She pulled you off the couch, spilling a bit of wine onto the carpet. You would have winced at it on any other occasion, but you had no mental capacity for anything other than Kate. She flushed your body to hers, her hand leaving yours to rest on your waist, yours finding its way to her shoulder while the swaying continued.  

“How is dancing going to prove your point?” You managed to say, thankful your voice didn’t register the sudden anxiety that started filling your body.

Kate shrugged, sipping at her wine. The glint in her eyes made them seem even bluer, an endless sea full of wonder. “It just felt like a good idea.”

A huff escaped you, unable to stop the smile on your lips because, of course, Kate would say that. You heard her start humming the song again, her head moving slightly side to side in the same motion the both of you did. There was something in the air, unspoken, lingering, and you were far too nervous to speak. You weren’t sure you would have been able to if you tried. The smile didn’t leave your lips, and she never took her eyes off yours.

A good minute into the song, she looked at you with an arched brow, mischief written all over her face. “Do you feel it yet?”

“What?”

“The music in your veins.”

You rolled your eyes, but you would be lying if you said you weren’t feeling… something. She didn’t have to know that, though. “It feels the same to me.”

Fond exasperation exuded from Kate, pressing her forehead to your shoulder in what was seemingly a move of defeat. “Come on, Y/N. Don’t do this to me.” For some reason, your heart fluttered at the sound of your name. “It’s like–” Kate started, pulling back to look at you again. “It’s like when you kiss someone you have been wanting to kiss for a long time. Everything feels like there’s a show of fireworks exploding inside you.” You saw the question in her gaze as she brought her glass up to her lips. “Do you know that feeling?”

You scrunched up your nose. “Honestly?” You shook your head, looking at the floor. “I don’t think anyone has ever made me feel like that.”

Her eyes widened in surprise, her movements so fast that the glass of wine she held in her hands slipped, just enough to get some of it on your shirt. You gasped at the cold liquid sticking your shirt to your skin, while Kate cursed under her breath, moving her glass as far away from you as she could.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” She exclaimed. “I was just not expecting that. Lemme just—”

Kate hurriedly grabbed the glass from your hands, and placed both cups back on the table, before attempting to head back into the kitchen to get something to clean you up. Nevertheless, you grabbed her hand at the last minute, already missing the heat of her body next to yours. She looked back at you, confused.

“The song isn’t over, Bishop.”

The faintest shade of surprise shadowed her features, but she returned to where she had previously been, her hands firmly holding your waist. You weren’t entirely sure if the goosebumps you felt were caused by her firm grip, or the cold liquid still rolling down your skin. But somewhere deep within you, you knew you would hate yourself forever if you broke the moment. If you left whatever this was slip through your fingers.

Absentmindedly, you wrapped your arms around her neck, and that seemed to bring Kate out of whichever trance she was in.

“That is a nice shirt I just ruined,” Kate muttered, still looking apologetic, and unable to contain the scarlet creeping across her cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”

“What, this old thing?” You said, resting its importance. “I was going to throw it out soon, anyways.” A smirk appeared on your face. “Besides, I’ll say it was well worth it to see the almighty Katherine Elizabeth Bishop blushing up a storm.”

Kate shook her head in disapproval, the confidence returning to sapphire blue. “Yes, well, in my defense, it was half your fault. How are you going to reveal something like that and expect me not to react?”

“I honestly don’t see what’s the big deal.”

“It’s just–” Kate sighed. “The type of thing everyone should experience at least once.”

The air felt thicker, for some reason. “Explain it to me, then. How does that feel?”

 “Well,” she started, her voice now softer. “The moment right before it, there’s something in the air. Almost tangible, like electricity.” You didn’t miss the glint in her eyes, nor the glance she gave at your lips before licking her own. “You become very aware of your surroundings, of the feeling of warmth around you.”  You were not sure if you were just imagining things, but the gap between you just seemed smaller. “And your skin tingles, wondering if it is everything you’ve always thought it’d be.”

You didn’t know why, but you closed your eyes. You never let yourself daydream about her, but it would be a lie to say you said you never wondered what it would be like to kiss her. “And then what happens?”

“Fireworks.”

You hated to admit it, but she was right. After Kate pressed her soft lips against your own, the fireworks appeared. You couldn’t even describe how you felt after that night, but you were sure your life had been turned upside down.

You tried to play it off as a drunken spur-of-the-moment at first. Getting drunk and making out with your friends was part of the college experience, after all. Nevertheless, that kiss was the first of many to follow, all of them in secret, each hungrier than the one before. Kate Bishop became a constant in your life after that night, as if she was on a mission to help you find that spark you had been missing. And you found it, time and time again, in urgent kisses and impatient brushes of skin. On marks left in your collarbones; in the sound of your name escaping her mouth when you touched her where she needed you most. She was your drug, and you were at her mercy.

You wished it could have lasted an eternity, and that made you ignore the signs. Despite spending almost every night in your bed, it was rare for you to see her outside the four walls of your apartment. Despite knowing the sounds she made when she reached the highest point of ecstasy, you had never held her hand in public. And despite all your friends knowing about your arrangement, she never dared to bring it up to any of them. What you had existed in the shadows, far away from everyone’s reach.

Even your own. 

Your phone chimed on the counter, a steady stream of messages appearing on the screen. Exhaling heavily, you picked it up, finally opening the thread you had been ignoring for a few days. Your friend group chat kept going off, probably for the finishing touches of the farewell party they were throwing over the weekend. Cassie, America, and Kate were heading west, leaving their entire lives behind to follow their dreams. They had even asked Peter to go with them, to make it a bit easier to start a new life surrounded by friends. The boy, however, had decided to stay home in New York, saying how he couldn’t even imagine his life without MJ with no hint of hesitation in his voice. As happy as you were for your friend, you couldn’t say that it didn’t hurt that Kate couldn’t even look at you when he said that.

Now, you weren’t naïve, you always knew where this was headed. You knew it that night, when she kissed you for the first time, and you knew it every night she looked into your eyes and told you her deepest, darkest secrets. You knew you represented everything she had never wanted. Even if, at times, it seemed like what you had could be something she wanted, she had a plan that she wouldn’t let go of. Kate Bishop would never give up a life of adrenaline and danger for a quiet life with you.

Despite knowing that, it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

It hurt when she told you she was leaving. It hurt when she never asked you to go with her. It hurt that she wanted to keep you until she was no longer there.

Your phone chimed again, vibrating in your hand and snapping you out of your thoughts. You looked down at the screen just in time to see your name appear in the chat.

Cassie – Y/N, are you coming to the party?

America – Of course she’s coming. She’s not letting us go before saying goodbye.

America – Right, bestie?

Peter – Yeah, Y/N, it will be so much fun! We can bully them for leaving us behind!

You sighed, your fingers hovering on the screen as you thought of a reply. As far as they were concerned, not showing up to their party would have been the highest of treasons. They were your best friends in the world, how could you possibly miss it? But if you were honest with yourself, you were not up to it, especially knowing Kate would be there. You had successfully avoided her since calling off the agreement and you had no intention of seeing her before she left.

If she wanted to pretend it had meant nothing, you could do that too.

You – Sorry, guys, working ☹ But have fun, and swing by before leaving! <3

You rolled your eyes as you added a kissy emoji at the end but sent the text anyway. It was immediately seen by three out of the six people in the group, followed by a new stream of reactions and replies that you didn’t have the willpower to pay attention to. You turned on ‘do not disturb’ and placed the phone face down on the counter, before heading into the living room to find a distraction on TV.

---

After many hours of watching several episodes of your comfort show, a loud knock on the front door startled you. You stared at the door with narrowed eyes for a moment, unsure if it had really happened or if you had just imagined the sound. As much as Cassie and America loved you, they had been so wrapped up in their move you could not imagine they would show up at your door, despite your earlier text. Another knock followed, more impatient this time.

“Coming!” You yelled, throwing the blanket off your body and getting up from the couch with a groan.

Whoever was behind the door didn’t insist, giving you enough time to pick up some food wrappers off the coffee table and throwing them in the trash. After running your fingers through your hair in an attempt to make it look better than it did from a whole day of lounging in the living room, you pulled the door open, your heart dropping to the floor the moment you saw who was disturbing your peace.

Kate Bishop, in the flesh, blue eyes shinier than ever.

You contained the desire to slam the door in her face. You just wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.

You rolled your lips, standing as tall as your frame allowed you, your chin slightly tipped upward.

“What are you doing here?”

Kate gave you one of her characteristic smirks, shrugging nonchalantly as if this was just another casual meeting. It infuriated you.

“You said to swing by before leaving, so…” She dragged the final ‘o’, her voice causing a disturbance within you that you weren’t sure how to describe.

You rolled your eyes. “That wasn’t meant for you, so!” You exclaimed, attempting to close the front door before she stopped it with her foot.

“Come on, Y/N, I just want to talk.” Kate replied, her voice now sounding more serious. “I brought a peace offering.”

Reluctantly, you flung the door open again, setting your gaze on the bouquet of flowers she was holding, pressed to her classic purple sweatshirt. Her smirk turned into a dashing smile, and you hated your heart for reacting at the mere sight of her.

“You said they were your favorite.”

You couldn’t help the bitter laugh that escaped you.

“Those are carnations,” you said, the tone of disbelief apparent in your voice.

Kate furrowed her eyebrows, bewildered. “They are not. They are roses.”

You rolled your eyes, walking back inside your apartment. Maybe it was immature to hate that she couldn’t remember your favorite flowers, but you did. At this point, you hated Kate Bishop as much as you loved her.

That is what hurt the most.

“Y/N, wait!” Kate exclaimed, closing the door behind her as she followed you. You felt the warmth of her skin through the fabric of your shirt as she reached for you, her touch as electrifying as when you danced in that very living room.

“Why did you come?” The words escaped your lips without intention.

“I told you,” Kate replied. “I just want to talk.”

“But why?” You dropped your hands to your side, the bitterness now seeping into your voice. “Why can’t you just go and leave me alone?”

“Because we–”

“No, Kate, there is no ‘we.’ You don’t want me. Stop stringing me along.”

Kate put down the flowers on the coffee table, her eyes dimming. “That is not true.”

“What’s not true?” You retorted, exasperated. 

“That I don’t want you.”

You scoffed. “Oh, please, stop lying. You are leaving, Kate, not me!”

“I know, Y/N, okay? I know!” Kate sounded just as exasperated as you were. She covered her face with her palms, sighing as heavily as the words resounded across the room. “I know I hurt you and I will regret it forever.” She furiously wiped a tear from her cheek, as if she did not want you to see her like that. “It just doesn’t mean I don’t want you. I just wish I didn’t.”

The words rang in your ears, like a drum to the beat of your heart. What did it matter now? She would still leave. “Kate, just go. I don’t want to do this.”

“Listen to me.”

She walked into your space, her palms finding your waist. Your body reacted to her touch naturally, your fist falling on the top of her chest without meaning to.

“Stop...” You pleaded. She closed the gap between you, the tip of her nose almost touching yours.

“I want you so bad these last few days without you have been a torture. I wish I didn’t want you because then...” She hesitated for a second, her voice stuck in her throat. “It wouldn’t be so hard to leave.”

You wanted to hate her. You wanted to break free from her grip, move on from everything she made you feel. But you were powerless. Your body wasn’t your own. It was only an extension of the rage and sorrow and love coursing through your veins. Without thinking about it, you grabbed her cheeks, making those watery sapphire eyes glance back at you.

“Why are you so set on leaving?” You inquired, genuinely. “You don’t have to. You can stay and be everything you want to be here—with me.”

Kate pressed her cheek to your palm, closing her eyes as she shook her head. It was only then that you felt it. The way her pain mirrored yours. Two different sides of the same coin.

“I can’t,” she simply said, making it clear there was no room for question.

The decision had been made and nothing you said would change it.

Silence overcame you both, a far cry from that night full of laughter and drunken haziness that started everything. It wasn’t often that you dared to question how things have gotten this way, but in that moment, wrapped in the quiet and sorrow and everything this woman made you feel, it was inevitable. You wanted to encapsule the last few months in a snow globe, a safe keep for these memories that would haunt you for as long as you lived.

Kate pressed her forehead to yours, the tips of your noses brushing slightly. You could feel her breath on your lips, the essence of her empowering you.

“Y/N, I want you. I couldn’t leave without making sure you knew that.”

Your lips were trapped in hers before you could even have a chance to think. Your mouth molded perfectly with hers, your arms wrapping around her neck in a simple notion. As much as your brain was screaming at you to not get lost in her, this would be all you would have left. Once she left, the memory of the taste of her lips was all you could cling to. And it was as natural as breathing, following the pace she was setting. Perhaps it was foolish, and it went against everything you had said, but that was all you needed then. For a moment, everything else disappeared.

As all things do, the kiss died down slowly. You pulled away reluctantly under Kate’s expectant gaze. You exhaled deeply, trying to retain the last thread of sanity left in your body. You let go of her, feeling the weight of reality upon your shoulder all of a sudden. You closed your eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay.

“Y/N...” Kate whispered, carefully, and the sound of her voice popped the bubble.

You took a step back, pulling her away from you. “Kate,” you said. “You need to go.”

You didn’t dare to open your eyes to watch her go. You had done it once, when she told you for the first time that she would be leaving. You had no interest in doing so again. You heard the fading steps, the opening and closing of a door. You heard the rumbling in your chest, and you felt the shaking of your shoulders as pain finally overcame you.

You had lost her.

And there was no turning back.

[greenwriterplaidbow]

Tragic Accident

AKA the events that lead to the Human Connection series

Logan Howlett x Reader with injury related memory loss

Word count: 2.5K 3.8K after revisions

Author’s note: I do in fact have more! (I would like to thank this person for your patience, I started this when you sent this in but left it half done because of finals). Still inspired by Pandapetals’ memory loss fic. This is what led to the accident and when Logan actually saw the wreckage of an accident (because I apparently can’t just be content with being happy!). It’s kind of from his perspective? Still written in second person though.

Warnings: Major angst, stupid argument, car wreck, drunk driver (not Logan or the reader), reader refered to as she/her and Logan’s wife

Everything started in your home office. It was the busy season for teachers: checking that you taught the whole curriculum; assigning and then grading final projects; parent-teacher meetings. That night you were up grading group projects that had been turned in early. It was midnight when Logan walked into the room. It was one of many late nights you had recently. The two of you tended to be night owls anyways but this many nights without more than 4 hours of consecutive sleep was starting to get to you both. It wasn’t obvious but you could see it in the small details of your relationship. The way there was less exchanged affection. The way you helped each other with little things less. The way the physical space between you emphasized the growing separation. Logan had been laying in bed before he entered the office. He walked in and put his hands on your shoulders, maybe a little less gently than he normally would have.

“Babyy, why haven’t you come to bed yet?” You brought your hand up and softly rubbed his.

“Sorry hon, I just want to get these done tonight. This is the last one.”

“It can’t wait until tomorrow?” You spun your chair around to face him.

“It could.. But if I finish them as they come in, I’ll be done before finals week so I can spend more time with you!”

“You could spend more time with me now if you just came to bed-”

“I know, I know. But these kids finished it early, they’re already on pins and needles waiting for an answer, I shouldn’t make them wait longer than I need to. And you should be asleep already anyways, this was the one night this week you can actually get to bed at a decent time.”

“Tried. It’s always harder without you.” You stood up and brushed a hand through his hair.

“Poor baby. It won’t be much longer. I’ll be there soon, I promise.”

“I’ll just stay in here with you then.”

He walked over to his own desk and sat down across from you, watching as you finished grading. It was 10 minutes before Logan spoke up again.

“You almost done?”

You sigh and run your hands through your hair.

“Nope, not quite. Go to bed, I’ll only be a little longer.”

“I.. Yeah alright.”

He shook his head then got up and walked out. His jaw was tense as he paused at the door like he was going to say something. Apparently he decided against it and closed the door on the way out with a sigh.

He lays in bed. Staring at the ceiling, lost in thought. Logan had felt neglected before, just not usually by you. He was plenty used to being ignored or abandoned. It had happened before but this time was supposed to be different. You’d always been there before. You’d been through so much together. It was only now it felt like you were drifting away. You’re a busy person, he knows that. You’re always eager to help out in any way you can. From one-on-one training or tutoring with struggling students to filling in for a fellow teacher. You were always there for everyone else. But now it seemed to him that you were giving your time to anyone but him. It seemed like you were trying to avoid him. He thought back to the last few weeks. He’d twice tried to set up a date night with no success, the most recent attempt was the week prior.

He had caught you in between classes, preparing for the next lecture in an empty room.

“Heyy, I was thinking. It’s been a while: do you want to go out tonight?”

“I wish I could but I’m helping Jean tonight, some lab thing she’s trying to figure out. I’m honestly flattered she asked me-” You stopped yourself when you saw the look on his face, his eyes now avoiding yours as he pretended to study the ground. “I’m sorry Lo, I thought I told you on Monday.”

“No- it’s alright. I understand.. I’ll see you later though?”

“Yes. She said that she shouldn’t need me past 8 o’clock.”

You walked in the door at ten.

“Hey,” Logan said half heartedly from the couch as you came up the stairs. He didn’t know how late you’d be until you called at nine to tell him that things went well enough that Jean wanted to repeat the experiment to see if it was a fluke.

“Hey.. I’m sorry, I know I said I’d be home sooner. I’ll make it up to you.” You cupped his face and kissed the bridge of his nose. “We could go out this weekend?”

“No, I’m helping Scott fix his bike; and with Scott, that’ll be an all weekend project.”

“Next weekend then. We’ll find time. We always do.” Your tone was very matter-of-fact as you sat down next to him. He put an arm around your shoulders and you nuzzled into his chest as you leaned into him.

“Yeah. I know. I just hate feeling like I never see you anymore. I know you didn’t know that was going to happen but you could have waited to rerun everything on a different night..”

“Yeah.. I guess we’re just too popular” You said, trying to joke about the situation to relieve some of the tension between you. It worked for the time but Logan still didn’t feel good about it. He felt like you just pushed aside his feelings. Just laughing it off to avoid an actual conversation.

The thought brought him back to the present moment. He went back into the office, unsure of exactly how much time had passed since he left. He walked around to his side, sat at his desk and faced you. You looked up from what you were doing but he spoke before you could.

“It feels like we never just spend time together anymore and I want to talk about it.” You push your work aside and turn to face him more directly. He leans forward with his forearms on his desk.

“I only have one section left to read then leaving overall feedback. Can we talk about it tomorrow?”

“No, you always do this. I want to talk about it. I don’t want you to keep pushing me aside. What happened with us? Why do you spend your time everywhere else but with me?!”

“Logan I-”

“No, I know you care about your students but you don’t even look at me anymore.”

“Okay.. A bit of an exaggeration but yeah, I mean that’s the job. Come on, you’re a grown up. I thought you could handle a little less attention than what you’re used to.”

“You can just say it. I’m the least important thing in your life.”

“Oh don’t be dramatic. You’re still impor-”

His hand loudly hit the desk, making you jump.

“Stop doing that! Stop brushing me off!” He sighed and looked away. “Fuck- Ok, I just- Whatever, I’ll be in the kitchen.” He stood up and walked out. You didn’t try to stop him.

You put your face in your hands. You could admit, things had been stressful lately. Things had just been busy. Apparently after five years of being married, you had been putting Logan on the backburner more than you thought. But he had done the same with you hadn’t he? That’s just how it was sometimes. Why was he so upset about it this time? What changed? After a few minutes of letting him cool down, you sighed and got up to follow him to the kitchen. The only light in the open room was the soft glow of the hanging kitchen lights. He was sitting at the table with his hand in his hair. He looked up as you walked in.

“You always push me aside for everything else.” You came to apologize but now that felt more difficult than anything. Something about the way he said it gave you the urge to defend yourself. Maybe it was pride, maybe it was a lack of sleep. Either way, you pushed back.

“You act like I purposefully ignore you-”

“Sometimes, I wonder if you do!”

“Okay don’t put this all on me. We’re both busy. That’s just how it is right now, I don’t know why you have a problem with it all of the sudden.”

“You don’t know?! You don’t know because you never listen to me.”

“Oh I never listen to you?”

“Yes. I listen to you, I-”

“No no no no no. If you listened to me, you’d already know when I’m not going to be home. Because I actually make plans before the night of.”

“This again? I swear you never told me-”

“Whatever- that’s not going to get us anywhere. If you really want to talk, let’s talk about how you can be as busy with your students as you’d like but as soon as I do, then it’s a problem.”

“That’s not true!”

“Sure it is! But you’re a man, you can meet up with whoever you want. You know, I’m a woman so I should just be grateful that you let me have a job at all, right?”

“Why are you making this a sexism thing? When have I ever said anything like that to you?”

“You haven’t, but-”

“Exactly. I haven’t. Because I don’t think like that. Just because that was okay when I was growing up, doesn’t mean I’m like that. You know I’m not like that!”

“I thought so but sometimes, I’m not so sure.”

“And you don’t bring that up? You know you can talk to me- I’m not like you, I’m not just going to keep putting it off so we never talk about something you have a problem with.”

“When the hell have you brought up any of this before tonight?”

“I haven’t had the chance to because anytime there’s even a hint of a problem you just make it into a joke.”

“I didn’t realize I was doing that, maybe if you brought things up when they happened then we wouldn’t need to get to this point!”

“Yeah it’s all my fault, like everything else.”

“Oh, really defending your argument there- I’m so glad we didn’t wait to talk!” You started to pace around the area next to where he stayed seated. Walking between the table where he was and the counter off to his left.

“That is not fair. If we put it off again we would never have this conversation.. And this isn’t just about me ‘not getting attention,’ this is about you. This isn’t good for you. You need to get more sleep.”

“Oh but you’re just fine going without sleep, you’re the mighty Wolverine.”

“That’s not- No! Actually- Fine, you’re right. I am the wolverine, you don’t have the same mutation-”

“Maybe it doesn’t affect you as much, but it sure as hell still affects you. You’re still a human being Logan! I know my limits, you don’t need to hover, telling me to come to bed- It’s just a reminder of how slow I am- And it completely throws me off-”

“Don’t act like I’m not allowed to worry about you-”

“You’re allowed to worry, but that doesn't mean I’ll have any less-”

“Would you stop cutting me off?” He shouted the words through half gritted teeth. You took a step back. Logan never shouted at you, he barely ever raised his voice when you had disagreements. Your eyes flashed to the floor to avoid the intensity of his gaze.

“S-sorry.”

“I just-” He said your name quietly under breath and a hand went up to squeeze the bridge of his nose. “I just want to be how we were. I just want some of your time. I at least want you to pretend like you like me.”

“I do like you.” Your muscles that tense when he shouted had now relaxed and you could hear a nip of attitude in your own voice.

“But you don’t act like it! Not anymore at least. You act like me being in your life is an inconvenience.” His voice was consistently raised now. You let out a small laugh.

“God, you are so dramatic! Please get some sleep, you’re acting like a child who hasn’t had a nap. You’re worse than half the freshman students right now.”

“For fucks sake, would you just listen to what I’m saying for a minute? Actually listen and process what I’m saying. Why can’t you just take me seriously?!”

“Because I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“JUST TALK TO ME”

He stood up and yelled the phrase louder than he meant to. Again, you took a few steps back. His large frame still intimidatingly towered over you.

“That- that’s all I want from you! A real conversation.”

You start walking back to the bedroom. Logan tried to follow you.

“I need some space-” Logan stopped.

“Yeah, go. Keep avoiding me.” You sighed but kept walking into the bedroom. You grabbed your phone, keys, and wallet, putting them into a mostly empty messenger bag that was currently easier to get to than a purse. You threw on a jacket then left your bedroom. You walked past your husband in the kitchen.

“We both need to cool off. I’m going to stay at the school tonight.”

“Fine, go.”

“Good night”

“.. Night.”

Right before heading out the door; keys in one hand, the other on the doorknob. You sigh and turn around then walk back to him. He’s leaning on the kitchen counter, facing away from you.

“Hey,” he turns around.

You hit his chest lightly before grabbing the collar of his shirt and kissing him forcefully. You kept your eyes closed and your face close to his as you spoke.

“You are so frustrating.”

“I know.. Try talking to you.” You sighed quietly.

“..I love you”

“I.. I know.” A little sadder that time. He held onto the counter that was now behind him to keep himself from giving in to you. You kissed him again, much more softly this time.

“Drive safe..” He whispered as you pulled away. You nodded and left.

Hearing the sounds of the garage door open then shut was enough to make him start feeling guilty for not saying ‘I love you’ back. You were fighting, sure, but he did still love you.

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

Logan went to bed but he couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned for almost an hour, listening to the soft taps of rain on the window until his phone rang. He answered it without looking, confident that you must be calling to talk or to apologize.

“What? Calling to apologize-” Annoyance dripping from tone.

“Sir, I’m a paramedic. Is this Logan Howlett?” He was caught off guard.

“What? Yes, yes that’s me. Why are you calling?” He sat up, a sense of dread creeping in.

“I’m with your wife right now, your information was in her wallet-”

The paramedic explains that you were in an accident and you’re going to be taken to a nearby hospital. You’re unconscious but they’re working on stabilizing you. He explains that as soon as you get there you’ll be taken to surgery.

“Most likely she’ll be in for a few hours and even when she’s out, it’ll still be a while before the anesthetic wears off. I know you’re freaking out right now but- Listen man, if it were me; I’d take a minute to process everything. Pack a bag: comfortable clothes, a book, crossword puzzles- just things that’ll make her comfortable while she has to stay there to be monitored. It’ll give you a sense of purpose, because you can’t do anything right now anyways, and it keeps you from having to leave her later when she is awake.”

“Yeah. Yeah alright. I’ll do that” They exchanged the remaining information then hung up. As he was doing what the paramedic instructed when he got another call. This was from the police. He was informed that he could come to the scene and retrieve anything valuable from the car before it was towed. It had been moved into a nearby church parking lot for the time being, that’s where he was told to go.

“Do you know what caused the accident? What happened?”

“Yeah, the other guy ran a red light. Didn’t even slow down. Because of the angle of the intersection and how fast he was going, she probably didn’t even see him until after the collision. He’s been arrested already, we’re waiting until he sobers up to ask him more about what happened, he wasn’t very intelligible. We know he was drinking but by the way he’s acting we think he’s on something else too.”

“Jesus..”

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

He pulled into the small parking lot, marked by a sign stating there was an extra church service for Easter that had yet to be taken down. There he saw another truck. It was black and lifted and had more than a few dents that were clearly from screwing around rather than actual work. The front was basically caved in but the damage was minor, especially compared to what your car looked like. It was almost half of the size it used to be, completely crushed in on the drivers side.

“She’s lucky, you know.” Logan looked up, searching for the source of the voice through the pouring rain. A firefighter walks over.

“Usually people don’t survive accidents like this but the collusion happened more towards the back.. You’re family, right?”

“Uh yeah,” He held up his left hand, “Husband.”

“Yeahhh. Don’t worry about her. Her chances are looking good right now.”

“There’s more blood than I thought there would be.” He could smell it when he pulled up but getting this close he could see that it was yours; the other driver hadn’t been injured nearly as bad. He was hating his heightened senses that made it feel like the smell of iron was surrounding him.

“Oh yeah, there was a lot more in the street before the rain washed most of it away.” Logan looked increasingly nervous.

“So you came to get things from the vehicle?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Well there’s a lot of broken glass so if you need me or my colleagues to grab anything, just let us know.”

“No, I’ll be alright. Thanks.”

“No problem. We’ll just be talking with the officers if you change your mind.”

He got closer to your car, or what was left of it. Your keys had been pulled out of the ignition but were sitting on the dashboard. He picked them up and tried to ignore the blood and focus on where you usually leave things.

“Glove box, everybody keeps things in the glove box.” he thought aloud, quietly.

He walked around to the passengers side. Upon opening the door he saw your bag on the floor, sitting upright. Your phone and wallet were still inside although your ID and emergency sheet were separate. He assumed the first responders had opened your wallet to find such information. Logan picked up the bag and opened the glove box. He took everything out, placing it into the bag. Lucky for him, you didn’t keep much in your car. He took down the stuffed animal you kept on your dashboard and grabbed your blanket from the trunk. He threw the few other things you kept in your car into your bag then went to his own vehicle. An officer stopped him to talk to him about more details but his mind was only on you. None of the other details mattered if you weren’t okay.

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

The drive to the hospital was silent. His thoughts were distracting enough. Logan felt like the drive was twice as long as it should have been. It felt like he was holding his breath the whole drive. He spoke quietly, trying to comfort himself.

“She’s going to be okay. She is tough. Fuck, of course she’s tough, look at who she married. Look at who she agreed to put up with..” His fists tightened around the steering wheel.

He pulled into the hospital’s visitors parking lot. He tried to steady his breathing before grabbing the backpack the paramedic recommended packing and heading inside. He didn’t even remember talking to the receptionist who told him which floor to go to for the right waiting room. But here he sat. Bouncing his leg anxiously. Waiting for you to get out of surgery. It was longer than he thought it’d take but eventually, a nurse came to talk to him.

You were out of surgery but you would still remain asleep, they were putting you in a medically-induced coma. There was too much trauma to the brain and this was the best option. They said you wouldn’t be under for longer than a week and offered to call him before waking you up but he insisted on staying by your side. The staff was admittedly concerned for him, he almost never slept. He just sat beside you. Waiting.

After almost four days, the tests suggested that they could stop the drugs inducing the coma. Your levels and brain activity showed that it was safe to do so. They warned him there would be side-effects from it and temporary memory loss was a possibility. Among other things. What they didn’t prepare him for was the time between stopping the drugs and you waking up. For some patients it was almost instantly. For you it was several hours.

The moment they stopped your IV drip to the moment you were conscious again, he didn’t let go of your hand. After the first hour he had resorted to quietly begging you to wake up, asking you not to leave him like this. As you woke up, that’s what you heard.

“-and I won’t complain about your stupidly long hours. Please. I’m sorry. Please wake up.” He called you a nickname you hadn’t heard before. Or at least one you didn’t remember. “Please- I know I’m dumb, I need you to wake up. I need you to know how sorry I am. And- and I never should have let you leave the house without telling you how much I loved you. I was upset and I wasn’t thinking. Please. I’m so sorry.”

As you woke up, your eyes fluttered open and you tried to get familiar with your surroundings. When you made a noise and moved your hand, Logan looked up at you in surprise. He jumped up from where he sat to gently hug you and tell you how much he loved you. He pressed the button for the nurse, as he had been instructed to. From there, he found out about your memory. You found out about the accident. You were both disappointed and a little scared. Logan has an overwhelming sense of guilt about what happened and you don’t even know what happened or if he played a role in it. In an ironic twist, he'd finally get to spend more time with you. Just not in a way he ever would have wanted.

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Second author's note: sorry if the argument isn't great, uhh definitely looking for feedback for improvement there. I was trying to make it both characters fault but idk. Also first attempt at a mood board for the fic. Idk if I like it, I may take it down, we'll see.

Okay it's been revised. I think it is a significant improvement but it's still no where near perfect. Stayed up until 6am making revisions because apparently, I'm allergic to sleep! And also joy as jt seems! But no rest for the wicked I guess: I have my immunology final project due in 8 hours and it is been severely neglected. Anyways thanks for your time... again I guess for some of you.

Taglist: @kemi707 @klwrites @fluff-lover @a-leg-without-fear @aoi-targaryen @vofriviasblog @jupiter-sky @crypt1dcat @karencaribou

[digitaldiarystuff]

Age Doesn’t Matter (or does it?) Pt. 2

summary: You meet a boy at a club on a night out but realize he looks younger than he says he is

pairing: Pablo Gavi x Y/N

genre: fluff/ smut

————

You woke up with a massive hangover and for a second forgot about last night. That was until you picked up your phone to a hundred messages from Pablo, Pablo Gavi.

They started with a slight denial.

“What makes you think that??”

Then got a little freaked out.

“Did someone tell you that?”

And then came the confession.

“Yeah, I am.”

But it didn’t stop there.

“Okay yes I lied but you would never talked to me if you knew, I could sense your panic while asking my age and I freaked out I’m sorry but I didn’t want to blow my chance.”

“Did I blow my chance?”

Then he got agitated.

“Are you going to leave me on delivered for ever?”

“Why aren’t you saying something?”

“Are you asleep?”

You were in shock for most of the texts but him asking if you’re sleeping via text got to you and you started cracking up. He was a little too needy and now that you know you have a 4 year age gap and he’s a football star you just couldn’t continue this. However, his infatuation with you kind of made your heart flutter, he was too sweet and persistent for his own good. One text won’t hurt, you thought.

“Yes, I’m asleep at the moment.” you said and got a response in less than a minute.

“Ha ha very funny, have I told you I have a thing for funny girls?”

“You apparently also have a thing for older girls?” you teased. His age was still a problem.

“Maybe I have a thing for you.” and when you didn’t answer “Look I really am sorry I was just afraid you wouldn’t want anything to do with me if you knew my age.” and another “You know billions of people in relationships have age gaps and they all get along well.”

“Are you only this talkative when you’re sober or did I drink too much last night?”

“Okay I understand I’m not on your best side right now but I’m free tonight if you want to meet and I can show you why age doesn’t matter.”

Your mind went blank for a second and you remembered how his hands and lips made you feel last night, you hadn’t been intimate with anyone for a really long time and to be fair, Pablo looked far more attractive than any guy around you and his text just rose your heartbeat but your obsession with his age was nagging your brain constantly.

“I’m busy” you said terrified about his effect on you.

“Tomorrow?”

“Can’t”

“The day after?”

“Can’t”

He sent a frowny face emoji and you thought it was the end of the conversation. It made you a little sad but you wouldn’t admit it but a few minutes later you got another text.

“What are you doing now?”

You stupidly thought this was just an ice breaker and said you were at home not doing anything.

“Then send me your address” he texted and you realized he wouldn’t give up easily. You mentally slapped yourself but gave him the address anyway. He said he’d be at yours in half an hour which was too little in your opinion, your home was a mess and so were you.

After taking a quick shower you weighed your options about outfits, it should be put together but not too fancy or he’d think you wanted to look good for him, which you did.

Finally you decided on biker shorts and an oversized crewneck. And you also applied some concealer under your eyes and started putting the dishes in your dishwasher and even stuffed all your clothes lying around your room to your closet hoping he wouldn’t snoop in there. Thank god your roommate was at work and you didn’t have to worry about her. As you were finishing up cleaning around the doorbell rang and you took a breath and saw Pablo on the side, your drunk mind didn’t play any games to you and he still was gorgeous. His hair was wet and he had a duffle bag on his shoulder smiling widely at you.

“Hi” he said timidly.

“Hi, come in” you said and let him in. “Were you at training?” you asked given his outfit and bag. He sat down on one side your L shaped sofa and you sat on the opposite side.

“Yeah, I came straight out of practice.”

“So when you texted me”

“Yes I was still on the pitch.” he said giggling.

You loved how much effort he put into just texting you but also hated how it made you feel butterflies in your stomach.

“Would you like to drink anything?” you asked whilst getting up.

“Just water would be fine.” he shrugged and you got 2 bottles giving him one. You hated how your eyes diverted to his biceps while he was grabbing it. He really made this hard for you.

You both took sips and didn’t talk for a moment.

“Look Pablo, I” he cut you off with a kiss. His hands found your cheeks and you reciprocated after a second placing yours on his chest. He backed down after a moment to seize your reaction. But he saw you, eyes closed and enjoying yourself so he kissed you again. This time he was much more confident in his moves, he grabbed your waist and made you straddle him like you weighed nothing, getting you more aroused. Your legs were on both his sides as you never broke the kiss. He then started kissing your chin and neck making his way around your body and you used this opportunity to get rid of his shirt.

His hands held your lower back and you involuntarily rolled your hips against him invitingly. His eyes rolled back for a second and said “Can I?” and you just nodded. He took your hoodie off and saw you weren’t wearing any bra underneath.

“I see you’ve prepared for me.” he cockily smirked and you rolled your eyes but his confidence made you want him even more. He hungrily attacked your breasts with his mouth while you were rocking your hips and pulling the hair on the nape of his neck. You could feel his bulge underneath you growing every second. He then made you lay down on the couch and went for your leggings, looking to your eyes for permission.

“Please” you said in a small voice and were shocked about how needy you were. This was new to you.

He smiled and rolled your leggings down your legs. Suddenly you felt overly exposed and reality hit for a second until he saw you were wearing a burgundy lacy thong, he smiled but kept his mouth shut. You could practically see the lust in his eyes and that made all insecurities disappear. He started toying with the hem of your underwear and you were barely able to wait.

“C’mon Pablo I need you to show me age doesn’t matter.” you whined hoping to get some action and it seemed like it worked. He didn’t even took your thong off just shoved it aside and started to pepper some kisses around your core. He also started to rub your inner thighs and when you were about to complain again, he shushed you with a lick across your folds and all your words disappeared immediately. You forgot how to breathe for a second but Pablo kept on going and going until you were arching your back and screaming his name. After you came, he wanted to give you a moment to catch your breath but he was about to explode if he stopped now. He was a goner as soon as he heard his name roll over your tongue as high pitched moans. He freed his member and started running his hands over it a few times before reaching out his pocket and pulling a condom out, you rolled your eyes again but he smirked and said “I was hoping you’d want me as much as I want you”

He put it on your entrance and checked if you’re okay with this but all you could muster was a nod. You were still seeing clouds because of the orgasm he gave you mere seconds ago. He coated himself with your juices and pushed it in. You yelped at the feeling but he wasn’t going to give you time to adjust as he started thrusting with all his power. All the practice he goes through daily made his stamina another level and his movements never slowed down only sped up and after a while you both became undone.

Both of you were still trying to catch your breaths, his head was on your chest and his arms around your waist. He looked up at you and you melted, he looked like an angel even though he did some devilish stuff to you minutes ago, his eyes were the best brown you’ve ever seen with hints of honey and his post hair sex was even more appealing than his regular hair.

You didn’t say anything but he still understood what you wanted to say and kissed your lips, not like the previous ones fueled by lust, just adoration and you smiled into the kiss realizing maybe age really didn’t matter.

————

note: okokok just hear me out, this is the first time i’m ever trying to write smut and i don’t even know what to think but i hope you enjoy it, lmk if you have any ideas

[star-centric]

Knock, Knock

PAIRING: Adam Barrett/Frank x Gender Neutral!Reader

SUMMARY: You’re more than pissed when Frank shows up at your door step in the middle of the night, but something seems different about this visit than the previous ones. All you want is sleep- but the former detective is on a mission and doesn’t plan on leaving until he gets what he came for.

NOTE: LISTENNNNNNN- this movie has me in a chokehold BAD. Take this random (and very self-indulgent) idea that came out of nowhere but has been in my head for the last 4+ months (and I also think this may be the longest fic I’ve ever written??) Graphics by @/firefly-graphics- enjoy!!

CW: heavy suggestive themes (still not nsfw- but it’s mentioned that you and Frank used to be fwb), SPOILERS FOR THE FINAL ACT OF THE MOVIE, blood, violence, language (Frank has a potty mouth), hints of possessiveness from Frank, Reader knows his real name but Frank will still be called Frank for the sake of plot purposes (minus one time)

There’s two knocks to your front door.

A quick check on your phone shows that it’s way after midnight. Your mind is still trying to wake up when you stomp towards the door, irritation growing when there’s three more persistent knocks. You practically rip the door open, curses already lined up on your tongue-

You’re stumped when you see that it’s Frank.

The man still had his hand up mid knock, the little shock lining his face soon morphing into his usual stiff expression. “Took you long enough.”

“It’s 1 in the morning, what do you expect?” You don’t bother hiding your bitterness, eyes narrowed and hand already in position to slam the door shut in his face. But you couldn’t hide your curiosity as to why he’s here to begin with.

The last you’ve seen Frank was months ago, when you were working with him on an undercover job. He was as much as a prick then than he is now, but somehow, you grew to find him tolerable as time passed. Maybe it was because of how confident he was, never doubting himself and having a level head in the face of danger. Combine that and what how attractive he was, and you could see why you put up with him.

But you fell out of contact with him afterwards, the little messages shared between you both falling silent. You’ve thought it was for the best anyways. It was just an (occasional) hookup after all. But seeing him on your doorstep still has you shaken that he came to you.

Frank is quick to bite back at your snark with his own, “Well that’s never stopped you before.” He places his palm on the door- no doubt trying to stop you from your previous plan. He acts like he’s confused before he leans forward, whispering, “As a matter of fact, I don’t think that’s stopped you at all. Especially when you were looking for a quick fu-“

“Do you need something? Cause if you don’t, you can leave.” You interrupt him. It was no secret that you both have hooked up more than once, but you weren’t going to walk down memory lane with him about it. You don’t have to play his games- you have to get up in less than 6 hours, and you rather not have to deal with Frank being an asshole on your off time.

“As a matter of fact, I do.”

A beat of silence passed, you guarding the door with your arms crossed while Frank stood with his hands in his pockets. “So what is it?”

He gestures to the door, “What- you’re not gonna let me in?”

A petty part of you didn’t want to, instead wanting to leave him to waste his time like he was doing yours. “What’s the difference between saying it here and inside?”

“That I’m not a fucking dog for one.”

“Hm…I’m not convinced.”

Frank rolls his eyes and sighs. The flash of frustration that crosses his face is satisfying. “Look- I need to talk to you and it’s important okay? I don’t have time to waste- so can I come in or what?”

This is one of the few moments that seemed genuine coming from him, his eyes betraying his sincerity despite the displeasure dripping from his voice.

You begrudgingly step aside, heaving a sigh of your own and telling him to come in. Frank mutters something under his breath while you lock the door behind him.

“You haven’t changed much.”

“I can say the same about you.” You remark, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. “Only difference is that now you’re a real criminal instead of pretending to be one like before.”

Peeking into Frank’s files wasn’t difficult, no matter how much he tried to keep it hidden. Working in intel has its perks- seeing the once decorated detective fall into the life of crime was a little jarring, but a tiny part of you wasn’t surprised. He seemed like he played the undercover role a bit too well at time.

But he’s been off the grid for months afterwards- it was hard even for you to find a trace of the former detective (which you never did).

“What, you missed me that bad that you had to be nosy?”

“You had to know that I was gonna snoop around- it’s my job literally. And you’re the one that came to me, so you’re the one that misses me, Adam.”

Frank stepped close to you, enough that you could smell the same cologne that would be left your sheets. “You still got a mouth on you- always got something to fuckin’ say.”

His hand crawled up your neck as he spoke, a chill going down your spine. The icy touch from his hand did nothing to cool you, which was growing hotter as his fingers trailed along your skin. Frank lightly squeezed your throat, a deep jolt striking in the pit of your stomach. He leaned in closer, his lips hovering over yours.

You could pull away, tell him to forget about whatever he needed help with, kick him out and tell him to go to Hell all in one. Frank is an asshole, one that you shouldn’t be entertaining and one that you definitely shouldn’t be pining over.

Yet whatever rebuttal you had died down when you lurched forward, connecting your lips with his.

You could tell he was caught off guard when you felt his body tense up. But he soon began to relax into the kiss.

Frank has never been one to not be in control, and he was proving that now. His tongue swiped at the bottom of your lip and you didn’t hesitate to lower it. There was a battle for dominance that you would always lose against him to. He didn’t give you a chance to catch your breath- it was a battle of dominance that you would always lose to.

You didn’t realize that you made your way to the bedroom until your back hit the sheets, Frank hovering above you, his glasses already abandoned. He never broke away from you, lips traveling down your neck while his hands trailed your body, dipping lower and lower.

It was getting harder to fight your moans, not wanting to give Frank the satisfaction. The bites on your neck were sending pleasurable chills down your spine. You were sure that you’ll have marks in the morning (nothing new) but you don’t remember him being so rough-

“Ow!”

You hissed, gripping Frank’s shoulders and pushing him away. A sharp pain left your neck throbbing. You brought your fingers to it, seeing spots of crimson decorating the tips. It snapped you out of your haze, both of you sitting up.

“Jesus Frank!” You sat up, concern etched on your face. You tapped your fingers against your neck again, feeling the blood come down to your collarbone, not noticing his eyes following the trail.

You wiped at your neck, more of the crimson leaving a mark. You’re kicking yourself for inviting him in- nothing ever came good from getting involved with Frank (the sex would be the only bonus, but even then that high was just temporary). You went to grab a first aid kit, grumbling under your breath how he was able to nick you so easily when he grabbed at your wrist.

Frank didn’t pay you any mind, instead bringing your fingers- stained with your drying blood- up to his lips. He moaned, lightly dragging his tongue across your fingertips. You snatched your hand away, scooting away from him while your stomach twisted into knots.

But Frank didn’t seem deterred by your horror. He groaned, licking his lips and savoring the taste.

Frank had his kinks, but this one was new. And the look in his eyes terrified you.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” You curled your body away from his.

He didn’t answer you right away, which filled you with unease.

“Ya know, I tried to be patient with you, I really did, but after tasting that- fuck it. I don’t think I can wait any longer.”

The world spun and you found yourself pinned down on the bed again.

A scream was caught in your throat when you locked eyes with Frank- or what was suppose to be Frank.

Large, sharp protruding teeth met your sight. This had to be some sort of joke, right? A very hyper realistic dream from all of the late hours you’ve been pulling on the job.

But no matter how hard you blinked, Frank was still there on top of you, his cold hands constraining you to the bed, claws digging into your wrists.

“If you could see the look on your face.” He chuckled.

A million thoughts are running through your mind, breath catching when Frank drags a claw along your aching neck, you hissing in pain.

“I can hear your heart beating so fast from here,” he bent down, smelling and then grinning into your throat. “And I can smell it- your fear. You’re scared shitless aren’t you?” He asked, but you both already knew the answer.

You flinched, trying to hold in a whimper when he brought his tongue out again, tracing the congealed blood alongside your neck.

“What are you?” You croaked out.

“Isn’t it obvious sweetheart?” He tapped your temple with his sharpened nail. “Use that little brain of yours like you’re used to. I’m a vampire- and you got Lambert to thank for that.”

You were never a huge believer in the supernatural. Werewolves, ghosts, vampires- they couldn’t exist. It shouldn’t. Yet here Frank stood, making a quick believer out of you.

“What do you want from me?”

“Those fuckers back at the mansion gave me a good idea that I should get my own little puppet- and I decided that it should be you.”

The pit in your stomach deepened.

You didn’t know what that would mean for you, and you didn’t want to find out. You needed to break free from this monster. You snapped out of your thoughts when Frank let out a laugh.

“I can see those gears turning in your head- you really think I’m giving you a choice?” He flashed a wolffish smile filled with teeth. “You don’t have a fuckin’ chance.”

As much as your fear was threatening to consume you, you didn’t want to give up. Death would be better than becoming a pawn for this beast.

“Fuck you.” You gritted out.

He grinned once more, making a show of licking his teeth.

“I’m gonna have fun making you mine.”

You kept struggling to get out of his hold, kneeing him in his groin hard as you rolled off the bed. You heard him curse as you made a beeline to the door, only to get yanked back by Frank.

“Really? That’s all you got?” He sounded less than amused. “Gotta do better than that.”

He sent you flying in the air, a choked gasp escaping you as your body collided with the wall. The move left you dizzy as Frank blocked the door, your steps a bit wobbly- then through your fear you remembered.

You dug through the drawer for your gun. It was a small, police-issued handgun. You never thought that you would have to use it, so you didn’t have a lot of ammo to spare. If you could just get one good shot on Frank, then this nightmare could be over. Even if he wasn’t dead, you could get away.

You didn’t have a concrete plan.

Your hands shook as you loaded it, and even more when you aimed it at him.

Frank opened his mouth, ready to mock you some more when you pulled the trigger.

The shot rung in your ears as you saw him stumble back, crimson flowing down his forehead. He fell back on the floor, and the breath you didn’t know you were holding was shakily released.

You’ve never had to kill someone before- always trained to do everything behind the scenes. But with Frank, he needed to die. It was clear that you wouldn’t be left unscathed if you hadn’t shot.

Your skin crawled at the thought of going near his body, but you needed to make sure that he was dead. Another headshot would put you more at ease before you escaped for good-

“Shit- you’re a better shot than I remember.”

Your knees felt weak and your stomach dropped as Frank sat up, wiping the trail of blood from his forehead, any trace of the injury gone. No blood, no bullet wound, nothing. Like he wasn’t ever shot to begin with.

Uncontrollable shivers ran throughout your body as Frank made his way towards you. You aimed your gun and shot more rounds into him, but he didn’t even seem phased.

Your breathing grew heavy as the gun clicked empty.

“That’s enough of that-“ he grabbed the gun, tearing it from your hands and flinging you along with the weapon across the room. Your head and back crashed against the vanity, breaking the mirror into pieces in mere seconds.

Your vision was blurring as the glass came down, some pieces slicing your skin. Frank came to stand over you, tsking as he picked up a shard.

You tried to crawl to the gun, pieces of glass burying themselves in your hands and knees. Before you could utter a word, a searing, white hot pain shot through you. You didn’t realize how loud you were screeching until he ripped the shard out of your side, stained with crimson.

He flipped and crouched over you, nodding his head and admiring his work. “It was fun while it lasted, but it’s about time I get what I came for.”

You wheezed, weakly trying to push him away as he kept you pinned down with one hand. Your back was drenched from sweat and blood pooling out of your side.

Everything felt so foggy- you felt numb, and the longer you laid on the floor, the more your eyes were fighting to stay open. You wanted to sleep, still holding onto the childlike belief that this was just a bad dream.

But that thought was shattered when Frank pulled you up and bit you.

The pain was excruciating. A scream ripped out of you, trying to claw, push- everything in your power to break free. But you were physically drained, forced to hear the disgusting slurping of your own blood.

Your mind was cloudy as what felt like minutes went by. Frank finally pulled away, dropping you back on the floor unceremoniously. You lifted your trembling hand to your neck, while Frank watched on with a bloodied smirk.

The broken reflection from the shards on the floor showed you how gnarly the bite looked. Your skin was starting to bruise, deep shades already forming on your skin. Your stomach was turning more when Frank started to chuckle.

You were scared to ask him what he’s laughing for, whatever reasoning bound to fill you with more misery.

You stared on in horror when the bite disappeared.

“What did you do to me?” You whispered, wiping your finger over where the bite was. The area throbbed, but nothing was there. The bruising remained, but the teeth marks were gone.

Your wide eyes locked with his, your voice rising, “What did you to me?!”

“Exactly what I told you. Making you my puppet.”

You were on the brink of hyperventilating, ready to curse and cry out all at once when you suddenly stopped. Any words that would have been said were caught in your throat. The words you tried to force came out choked, only wheezes and short breaths escaping.

“Now that’s more like it.” Tears were forming in your eyes, but you still couldn’t cry out. Your mind was racing, heart about to beat out of your chest when everything went blank.

The horror marking your face was gone, hands falling to your side as you kneeled. Frank stood over you, nudging your form.

You didn’t even budge.

“That fuckin’ freak was onto something when she turned that kid into her puppet.” He grabbed at your face, you still motionless.

Tears streaked down your cheeks, Frank mockingly cooing at you. “It’s too late for tears now.” He bent down to your neck, leaning in close. You couldn’t even flinch.

“Tell me- who do you belong to?”

You had no control over yourself anymore. You were just a passenger in your own body, watching helplessly as words you didn’t choose to say came out.

“I belong to you Frank.”

“Say it again.” He growled.

“I belong to you, Frank.” Your monotone voice filled the room.

He nodded his head once more, commanding you to stand up, which you did without dispute. “If you behave, I’ll think about fully turnin’ you when we get home. Didn’t want to do it too early- I want to make sure I can savor all the fun I can have with you.” He spoke nonchalantly, adjusting his glasses.“But it’s not like you have a choice either way.”

You just stood there blankly, silent tears rolling down your cheek.

Frank ordered you to grab your keys, saying that you had a few stops to make before he could make his decision.

“But for now- let’s start having some real fun.”

[itsaspectrumcomic]

On anon bc identifiable info - advice/thoughts? - This is really long, I'm sorry D: I'm a rambler and all the info is important (to me)

I've always had problems with stuff (according to my mom, "things have always been harder for [me] than everyone else") like I'm always the last one out the door, I lose things a lot (like hats and pencils and water bottles) because I set them down and don't realize, I have a lot of trouble doing textbook homework/notes bc I have trouble focusing

And I have a lot of trouble with social stuff, I never have a lot of friends, I can't keep friends for more than like four years, I feel really disconnected with people and people generally initially like me but like me significantly less after interacting with me a bit

I read a lot, and when I was a kid I would lose all sense of reality outside the book until someone touched me or I finished the book, but I've had a harder and harder time reading anything but fanfic as I've gotten older, and I have a lot of trouble reading very technical/instructions/nonfiction stuff

I have pretty bad insomnia, and spent ~2 years when I was 10-13 ish sleeping ~3-4 hrs/night weekdays and ~12 hrs/night weekends, I have a really hard time getting to sleep specifically - and (tmi maybe tw eating) I've had chronic minor eating issues and constipation (chronic minor dehydration, losing ~ 10 lbs over summers from not eating, etc. like I'm not dying or anything but this will probably eventually cause wear damage)

---

But I'm also a very good student, very smart, generally very good at what I choose to do, I just became a National Merit semifinalist, like, I'm doing "fine". I'm not dying, I'm not failing classes or anything, I've struggled since second semester year before last with getting things done, but I have like a 3.7 gpa rn (I could have a 4 if I tried harder (while I am capable of trying harder, it would destroy me))

I was in Gifted + Talented in elementary school, I'm an honors/ap student (my G+T teacher told my mom that the "gifted" basically means "neurodivergent")

---

I didn't get help for anything until last year, when I kinda fell off (as much as you can fall off while getting a 3.7 gpa ig) and got assessed for insomnia, which I got help with pretty easily (apart for waiting times) which was amazing. Almost went too well iykwim

And I was looking into why I was having such a hard time with everything (social, focus, sleep, schoolwork,etc) and I resonated a lot with autism and some of the feeling very disconnected from society/ other people but I was like eeeh, I'm a teen and idk I'm not, like, having it that bad, so I was looking into more quantitative solid stuff and I took the AQ + CAT-Q + stuff which still have very subjective questions but I tried to be honest and I got 32 (AQ) and 139 (CAT-Q) and 157 (RAADS-R) but like idk I could be biased or misunderstanding or idk

I mentioned feeling like I had more, underlying issues to the doctor I'm seeing for the insomnia and she was basically like "I work with autistic kids - you're not autistic" which like on one hand, you're the expert and I've only really interacted with the internet so idk but on the other, you've spent all of two hours with me, mostly asking me direct questions about my sleep or talking to my mother, like, ofc you haven't seen anything of me. Did I make too much fake eye contact with you?? (BTW if you dislike eye contact for any reason, which I always have, look at noses (my mother taught me this one) or hair (my personal fav) bc it looks like you're looking at the face, but you aren't!!)

this is getting very long winded, I'm sorry if you choose to read all this but thank you it means a lot to me to get someone who knows something's thoughts on this

So I was like "I am having other problems" and she was like "I suspect you may have inattentive type adhd" and I was initially like what?? but I'm not hyperactive. Can't have adhd. What. But I've been kinda thinking about it and lurking at the edge of adhd communities and googling stuff (google is not helpful) and maybe? idk

SO to get to my point/question

I'm very smart. (not tryna be conceited it's just I am) I'm not currently *dying* struggling, though I am having trouble staying on top of classwork

I'm a girl

I live in the USA

I'm pretty good at acting normal, I have a couple friends (one has diagnosed adhd, one has diagnosed autism, one I'm not sure, one I think? could be neurotypical? but she's also like really not idk) (I (only?) have four friends (which is a lot, for me))

I don't know if I'm "adhd enough" (or "autistic enough" if I was right initially) ((or both idk)) to get a diagnosis. I have hypermobility that causes issues with my joints and has led to me not exercising enough and having to quit violin but I'm not hypermobile "enough" to get a diagnosis or help for it (which sucks because it's literally affecting my quality of life, like, I could be an amazing musician if I didn't have this. D: )

If I try, will I get a diagnosis, or will I be "adhd, but not enough"? Should I continue to spend (my parent's insurance) money on this if it probably won't go anywhere? I'm currently 17, starting my senior year of high school. Will things get disrupted in transition to college? If I go abroad for college?

Also, will I crash and burn in college without my mother's considerable support? (tw eating again) I have always had a really hard time getting and preparing and eating food, and without her/structure idk how much I will eat. I loose weight over the summer bc we don't eat as a family much. when I'm on my own, will I struggle even more? Especially trying to juggle food and school and living independently? What about after college? My uncle was fine until he graduated college and now he's alone and a misogynist and mormon and lives with my grandma and seems kinda really miserable except way more hate-filled - am I doomed to the same path?

anyways this is really dark I'm sorry

specific questions for you are:

should I pursue ADHD diagnosis? Autism?

is there anything specific I should mention/not mention/think about?

is there anything you think I (+ people in similar situations) should research, any specific sites/books/communities you think would be valuable?

would therapy help with anything? social, focus, etc. (I have not had a chance, and I have been noncommittal at mentions bc. i strongly dislike people, and talking to people, and emotions ): )

are things in general going to get better, or worse? please be honest, not reassuring

If you decide to answer this, partially or completely, thank you, it means a lot to me to get someone else's thoughts on this, if not, I completely understand, either way, I hope you have a good day :)

Hello! A lot of what you wrote feels very familiar to my own experience - I was also considered a good student but found things increasingly difficult to cope with, struggled socially, lost and forgot stuff, couldn't focus etc. You're definitely not alone in feeling this way!

You are not doomed and you are not your uncle. Things can always get better, even when you're at your lowest. You never know what will happen next - you could make a friend, you could discover a new passion, you could be offered a cool opportunity, you could get the chance to pet a really friendly dog. Life isn't a straight line - you might be struggling for a bit, and then some nice stuff will happen, and then you might go through a rough patch again, but then things will improve again and you might feel better than you did before.

For eating when you go to college - identify the foods you generally find easy to make and eat and make sure you have a supply avaliable for when you're struggling. For me, that's pasta (you can get dry pasta which lasts ages in the cupboard, but you could also try fresh ravioli which has stuff inside like spinach or tomato or cheese so it's a bit more varied), crackers, bananas, and breakfast bars. That way if you can't make a proper meal, you at least eat something. Also try to carry a water bottle with you everywhere (if you struggle to drink water you could try flavoured water or juice.) If you forget about needing to eat you could set alarms to remind yourself.

Side note: did you know that hypermobility and autism very often occur together?

Onto your questions:

should I pursue ADHD diagnosis? Autism?

It's definitely worth looking into - I can't guarantee you'll get a diagnosis because it really depends on the person/people assessing you and some are more biased than others (if you're able to choose, look for people who say they specialise in diagnosing women and girls or have positive reviews from people in that demographic). Personally I found it helped a lot with getting accommodations, people understanding me, and understanding myself (even before the diagnosis was official). I will say it's usually quite a long process so be prepared for that.

Btw, you can definitely have ADHD without being hyperactive - that's the inattentive type which is more about trouble focusing.

is there anything specific I should mention/not mention/think about?

Honestly a lot of what you've written will probably come up in an assessment! I had to fill out a form with info about my experiences as a child and the traits I have now, as did my mum. If you're high masking (basically when you try to act 'normal' and hide your neurodivergent traits) do your best not to mask so the assessor gets to see you as you really are.

is there anything you think I (+ people in similar situations) should research, any specific sites/books/communities you think would be valuable?

Untypical by Pete Wharmby is an excellent book if you want to learn more about autistic experiences. The author is autistic himself and has an engaging writing style.

How to ADHD is a YouTube channel that focuses on coping techiques for ADHD and is informative as well.

I've found the autism communities on Reddit to be welcoming and supportive - you might like r/AutismInWomen which is inclusive and accepting of self diagnosis and those who are questioning.

You could also follow some of these people on instagram:

morgaanfoley - posts about her experiences as an autistic person

_ellawillis - posts about autism and ADHD and their daily life

candy.courn - posts about autism and disability as well as how that intersects with their experience as an asian person. Also has the most beautifully pink house

colourblind_zebra - makes cute and colourful art about chronic illness and neurodiversity

elliemidds - posts about autism and adhd and runs a community called We are Unmasked (weareumasked on insta)

itsemilykaty - posts about autism, mental health, and her book Girl Unmasked (which I haven't read yet but is supposed to be very good!)

Side note: I also have an instagram if you'd like to follow :) I'm itsaspectrumcomic there as well!

would therapy help with anything? social, focus, etc. (I have not had a chance, and I have been noncommittal at mentions bc. i strongly dislike people, and talking to people, and emotions ): )

Therapy can help a lot - with the right therapist! Look for people who specialise in neurodivergence, particularly in girls. The best ones are on the spectrum themselves :) It's OK if you don't click with the first one you try. You can 'shop around' until you find someone you're comfortable with (which I know can be exhausting but it's worth it when you find the right one).

are things in general going to get better, or worse? please be honest, not reassuring

Like I said before, things will get better, and then you might struggle for a while, and then things get better again. It comes in waves, at least for me. I know when you're having a hard time it can feel like it's going to last forever, but I promise it won't. There are always bright spots.

[cre8inghavoc]

What are Friends For?

PT. 4

Status: ongoing!!

Updates: no set date.

WC: 2462

Pairing: megumi fushiguro x FEM!reader

Genre/Warnings:[18+] Characters are aged up. This story contains toxic boyfriend, cursing, name calling, self-doubt/hate, angst, breaking up, post-breakup, alcohol, drunk moments, new friends, dating!au, college!au, no curses!au, dark humour, dark jokes. SMAU.

Recap: 

"I should go, you need to rest," he says softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

"No..." you murmur, pleadingly.

"Please stay..." your voice trails off, barely audible.

"I think you're too drunk, angel," he responds, his tone tinged with uncertainty and a hint of amusement.

"Please..." you urge once more. 

He knows deep down that you're not in the right state of mind to make decisions, but he’s also aware that being alone in your current state isn't safe.

"Okay..." he relents, his voice softening as he gazes at you with a mixture of concern and admiration.

"I'll stay..."

You wake up, squinting at the digital numbers on your nightstand: 3:21 am.

You massage your temples to ease the lingering headache. The alcohol from last night still has its grip on you, but it's not too bad. Surprising how much of a lightweight you've become after a year of sobriety.

Turning over, you realize you're alone in bed and take a moment to evaluate the situation. How did you even end up back in your room? Maybe Maki helped you, but then again, she’d usually change you into your pajamas. Wait... why are you wearing a sweater over your dress… that sweater is not yours?

A familiar scent fills the air, bringing a rush of memories flooding back. Oh no... could he still be here? Did he leave while you were asleep? Did you make things awkward? Wait... Weren't you two just about to... you know, kis-

Ding Dong

The sudden ring of the doorbell jolts you upright in bed, snapping you out of your overthinking spiral. Who could possibly be at the door at this hour? Was it him? No, that wouldn't make sense. Why would he leave only to come back? Unless he came for his sweater, but then he wouldn't be able to lock the door behind him. Or maybe it was your friends, checking in on you. Shaking off your worries, you make your way downstairs.

As you approach the door, all thoughts of him leaving disappear when you see a tall boy with messy black hair, dressed in a black t-shirt and sweatpants, standing inside. But something catches you off guard... he's talking to someone. Intrigued, you move closer, only to be met with a sight that makes your heart plummet: your ex.

Your stomach churns at the sight of him. What on earth was he doing here? Didn't you make it crystal clear that it was over between you two?

You step towards the stranger you had only just met yesterday, still unaware of his name. For now, you mentally dub him Mystery Boy. You're about to step in front of him to confront your ex, but he stops you. His hand extends, motioning for you to stay put, though he doesn't even glance in your direction. It's as if he sensed your intentions before you even made a move, positioning himself in front of you as if to shield you from harm.

"Who the hell are you? And what are you doing in my girlfriend's house?" he shouts angrily.

The “mystery boy” remains unfazed, his tone devoid of any urgency or concern. "Ex-girlfriend," he corrects, almost casually.

Recognition flickers across your ex's face. "Oh, it's you. The guy from yesterday," he sneers.

"Wow, y/n. I always knew you were a fucking slut. Less than 24 hours and you're already sleeping with this dude. Pathetic."

You feel a surge of anger at his words.

"Hypocrite," the mystery boy retorted, his voice cutting through the tension.

"The hell did you just say?" Your ex's eyes narrow dangerously.

"You're a hypocrite, do you feel proud saying insults like that? You're the one who cheated on her with girls you probably met within 10 minutes. But go ahead, keep projecting your insecurities. It only shows how ignorant and shallow you truly are."  he asserts, his voice steady despite the rising tension.

You stare at him, taken aback by his unexpected defence. How could someone speak so calmly in the face of such aggression? He may appear indifferent, but his actions speak otherwise. He wouldn't have intervened if he truly didn't care. But why? What's his motive? Why is he still helping you, repeatedly?

"You belong to me. You'll come back to me, or else I'll make your life a living hell, you hear me?" Your ex's angry words pierce the air before he storms off, leaving a trail of tension in his wake.

Your mystery boy closes the front door and turns to you, his expression unchanged.

"Are you okay?" he asks in that same unflappable tone.

"Why did you do that?" you inquire, curiosity lacing your words.

"Do what?" he replies, his tone tinged with confusion.

"You know what..." you trail off, frustration seeping into your voice.

"Why are you defending me? This is the second time," you press, a hint of anger in your tone.

"You're welcome?" he responds, seeming puzzled by your reaction.

"No, I mean yes! Thank you! I didn't mean to sound ungrateful. I just..." you pause, releasing a frustrated sigh. "Why? Why are you helping me? You don't even know me, and I still don't know your name!"

"Fushiguro," he says again, his tone still nonchalant.

"What?" you ask, baffled by his response.

"Megumi Fushiguro. My name," he states calmly.

"Oh..." you respond, absorbing his name in the quiet of the room.

Silence envelops the space for a few moments before you gather the courage to speak again.

"Megumi... Why are you hel-" you begin, but he cuts you off before you can finish your sentence.

"I don't think anyone deserves to be treated like they're worthless, especially someone who is kind, respectful, and selfless," he interrupts, his tone firm.

"But how do you even know I am those things... you don't really know me," you counter, feeling a mix of embarrassment and curiosity.

"You're right, I don't know you. But I've always been good at observing people, and just within 24 hours of meeting you, I already have a sense of the type of person you are," he replies confidently.

A rush of heat floods your cheeks, causing you to blush profusely. Why does the room suddenly feel so warm? His words may not be much, but they have an intense effect on you. You can't help but smile at his sincerity, his gaze, his... oh no. "WAIT! WHAT. No No No No No No No. Stop it, Y/n! What the hell are you thinking? You basically just met the guy! Stop it. Oh my god- WHY is my heart beating so fast? CAN IT STOP!" You mentally scold yourself, overwhelmed by the rush of confusing emotions flooding your brain, leaving you feeling anxious and flustered.

"Angel!" Megumi's voice breaks through your internal chaos, his hand resting gently on your shoulder to grab your attention, having repeated your name three times before.

"Huh? What happened?" you ask, bewildered by the sudden change in atmosphere.

He chuckles softly to himself. "I asked if you feel safe staying here still."

"Oh... um..." you stammer, feeling a wave of shyness wash over you.

"To be honest... not really. I didn't expect him to come here again, especially this late... I'm kind of scared that he might return. He has a way of being persistent, and I fear he won't stop until he gets what he wants," you admit, meeting his gaze with uncertainty.

"Well, that settles it," he declares, taking hold of your wrist gently and leading you out of your house.

"Wait- what are you doing?!" you protest, confusion evident in your voice.

He guides you to his car and opens the door for you. As you settle into the passenger seat, he closes the door gently before getting into the driver's seat and starting the engine.

"Megumi... where are we going?" you inquire, taken aback by his sudden actions.

"We're going to my place. It's clearly not safe for you to stay here, at least not right now. And I won't always be here to protect you, so it's better if we go to my place. He won't be able to find you there," he explains matter-of-factly.

Again, he delivers this statement with such casualness! You can't help but wonder if that's just his nature.

"I- oh... okay. But... my clothes?" you realize, concern lacing your words.

"Oh... you can borrow mine for tonight," he offers without hesitation.

As you pull up to Megumi's house, you're struck by its size and convenient location. Settled near various amenities like grocery stores, schools, and malls, the neighbourhood exudes a sense of comfort and accessibility. The houses, including Megumi's, are impressive, each having its own unique charm.

Megumi steps out of the car and swiftly opens the door for you before you even have the chance to do it yourself. "What a gentleman," you think to yourself, appreciating the small gesture of respect. Stepping inside, you're greeted by photo frames showcasing Megumi and two other individuals. His friends, perhaps? Megumi guides you through the house, giving you a quick tour of the living room on the left and the kitchen to the right, before leading you upstairs.

As you follow, you notice four rooms lining the hallway, one of which is slightly open, offering a glimpse inside. "You have siblings?" you ask, curiosity.

"Mmm?" Megumi turns to you, following your gaze to the partially open door of one of his roommates' rooms. "Oh, no. I have two roommates who also happen to be my best friends," he explains. "Speaking of which, they might be returning from the club soon, so don't be startled if you see two or more people coming in," he adds with a chuckle.

"Two or more? I thought you only had two roommates," you question, puzzled by his statement.

"Well, they went to meet up with some other friends at the club, and one of them mentioned they might crash here tonight, so it's going to be a full house," he clarifies.

You nod in understanding as you both enter his room. He flicks on the light, revealing a sleek black and grey theme that somehow doesn't surprise you. And then, resting on his bed, you spot the two dogs that accompanied him on your fateful encounter, the same dogs that were there when Megumi helped rescue you from your toxic ex.

"Omg hi babies!!!!" you exclaim excitedly as you rush to Megumi's bed and gently pet his dogs. They respond with equal enthusiasm, licking your hand as if they've known you forever. Megumi watches with amusement, noting how quickly his dogs have taken to you. It's a sight he hasn't witnessed before; usually, it takes them at least three weeks to warm up to new people, even with his own roommates.

"They like you," he remarks with a chuckle, appreciating the sight of you smiling.

"Of course they do!!! Why wouldn't they?" you reply, your excitement palpable.

"Aren't you two such good boys! Wait, they're boys right??" you ask, turning to Megumi for confirmation.

"Yes, both boys," he confirms, a small smile playing on his lips as he leans against the door frame, arms crossed.

"I'll leave you in here. You can wear whatever you want from my closet, I'll sleep on the couch," he announces, preparing to leave the room.

"Wait! Megumi..." you interject, stopping him in his tracks.

He turns around to face you, waiting for you to speak.

"I'm not really tired anymore... you think we can watch a movie or something?" you ask hopefully.

A smile spreads across his face as he nods in agreement, then exits the room, giving you privacy to change.

You take your time selecting an outfit from Megumi's closet, settling on a cozy dark blue sweater and some slightly oversized sweatpants. With a bit of adjustment, they fit you comfortably. Once dressed, you head downstairs to find Megumi already setting up a movie and placing down popcorn.

"Omggg I love popcorn," you exclaim, unable to contain your excitement as you settle down on the couch beside him, perhaps a little closer than strictly necessary... Maybe it was intentional...

You tuck your phone away after reassuring your worried friends with a quick message, informing them that you're fine and simply spending the night at a friend's house.

"You ready? Hope you don't get too scared from horror movies," Megumi asks, glancing at you with a hint of amusement.

"Are you kidding? I love them!!! I mean, they can be scary, but I'll manage," you reply with a giggle.

He nods and starts the movie, and before you know it, you're engrossed in the suspenseful plot unfolding on the screen. Twenty minutes in, you suddenly realize that you're leaning into Megumi, his arms comfortably wrapping around your shoulders and drawing you closer to him. When did this happen?! How did you not notice sooner? You make a conscious effort to stay still, hoping he doesn't realize the position you've unwittingly found yourself in, secretly relishing the closeness. Being near him makes you feel... safe? Yeah, safe.

Lost in the movie, neither of you notices the front door opening until the lights flicker on in the living room, prompting you and Megumi to quickly turn and see his roommates entering the room.

"MEGUMI?!" his roommates exclaim in shock, their voices echoing through the sudden stillness.

As the shock settles over the room, you and Megumi exchange bewildered glances, realizing the compromising position you were just in. With faces burning red, you quickly move away from each other, both of you visibly flustered. Megumi scratches the back of his neck in embarrassment, his nonchalant demeanour momentarily shaken.

"What are you doing here?" you manage to ask, genuinely shocked and confused by the unexpected reunion.

"No... What are you doing here??" Yuta questions, his confusion mirroring yours.

"I- uh..." you falter, struggling to find an explanation.

"This is the friend you were talking about? You both look more than just friends to me..." Toge observes, his words hanging in the air like an accusation.

"Is this an interrogation?!" you snap back, feeling defensive under their scrutiny.

"Megumi? Why the hell didn't you tell us you had a girlfriend?" Yuji demands, his tone incredulous.

"Not my girlfriend," Megumi states casually, unfazed by the interrogation.

Goddamn, how is he still so nonchalant right now?! You can't help but wonder, feeling a mix of frustration and admiration for his composure.

"Sure doesn't seem like it," Nobara retorts, her annoyance palpable.

"Shut up," Megumi responds curtly, shutting down any further discussion.

Maki, growing impatient with the back and forth, cuts through the tension. "Y/n... What happened?"

You sigh, feeling the weight of their gazes on you. "I- it's a long story... I'll just tell you guys tomorrow when you're all sober."

"Okay... how do you know Megu-" Maki starts to ask before you interject.

"He was the one walking his dog when he saw my ex and I... you know," you explain, your voice trailing off.

"No way. That was him?" Maki's eyes widen in shock as realization dawns on her.

Confusion ripples through the group as they exchange glances, processing the revelation. Then, Maki's words sink in.

"The one that saved her from her toxic ex," she clarifies, her tone tinged with awe.

teehee guyssss this is getting silly :P

im sorry this is a lil short and took so long to writeeee ive been so busy.

but so happy to finally post this :)

also sorry if this a bit rushed

TAGLIST <3

@nikkimvriee , @xbarrjallenx , @atinymonbebestay , @1l-ynn , @chilichopsticks , @dr-fluff-meow, , lostfracturess , maya-maya-56

[damagedintellect]

Skk Brainrot

💌 A Walk in Each Other’s Shoes: Chapter 3  💌  

Summary:  “They’ve been like this since returning from their mission following up with the defection of several gifted members. From what Chuuya or rather “Dazai” said a new organization was behind said defections, Sonrisa, created a machine to essentially “steal” abilities-” Chuuya dropped from the ceiling in front of Hirotsu finishing the report “But it didn’t work how they originally designed it and now me and Chuuya switched bodies!” his smile was wide, almost creepily so. Chuuya doesn’t smile often and especially not like that. Without a doubt, it was Dazai in Chuuya’s body.

Notes:  The bodyswap AU no one asked for, Dazai I gift you with emotions, I wanted to play with the hc that “No Longer Human” nullifies more than abilities

💌 Word count: 1,970 💌  <= Previous Chapter | 4 coming soon

In the other room Dazai was having a hard time staying awake. Food, a shower, the long exhausting training montage heck even the slug’s comfortable pajamas were lulling him into this sleepytime junction. It's not like he needed to wait for Chuuya. He knows the other will rewrap the bandages just fine but it's still gnawing at the back of his mind. Although he's starting to wonder, has Chuuya’s couch always been this cozy? Dazai stretched, yawning as he sprawled out over the full surface area, something he couldn’t do before. It felt like the cushions were cradling him in just the right way so that he could pass out without any effort at all. Normally his chronic insomnia would kick in and he'd lay there staring at the ceiling for hours until he took the pills Mori gave him. It frustrated him knowing that Mori took extra measures to prevent him from being able to overdose on them. Which is why Dazai has always treated them as a last ditch effort. Right now however Dazai thinks this is the first time he's going to fall asleep without copious amounts of effort on his part. A soft smile graced his lips as his eyes slipped shut.

Chuuya didn’t take very long showers so color him surprised that in the span of maybe ten minutes tops Dazai had managed to pass out on the couch. That's gotta be a record for the mackerel. Chuuya’s never seen himself look so peaceful before. It's bizarre to know that this is Dazai in his body. He frowns, if Dazai wasn’t awake then that means he rewrapped most of the bandages for nothing. 

“Tsk”

Chuuya fluffed his freshly blow dried hair as he grabbed a blanket and draped it over him. At least he didn't have to hear Dazai nag him that he couldn't sleep and that the only way to remedy it was for Chuuya to tell him a bedtime story. He only fell for that bullshit once and it was more out of habit than anything else. It's not his fault he used to do that back in the sheep for some of their younger members. Dazai teased him about it for a week even though he was the one who fucken asked!

Chuuya turned off the lights and flopped down on his own bed. His body was tired but his mind was so awake. Which was unlike him. Typically Chuuya could fall asleep any time anywhere. He rolled over to his side and groaned. 

“Don't tell me this is curtsy of one of Dazai’s bodily quirks.”

He mumbled in frustration as he got out of bed. Sometimes Chuuya will fall asleep listening to music. If he plays some it might help. He turned the volume down low and crawled back under the covers, closing his eyes. The last thing he needs is for Dazai to wake up complaining about the music. He tries to focus on the melody while imagining laying in an open field. The warmth of the sun, a nice breeze, just the quiet serenity of being at peace. Chuuya frowns, it isn't working. He smothers himself with his pillow. It was going to be a long night.

___

The feeling of weightlessness and floating in a dark expanse. It reminded Dazai of the first time he jumped in the river except it was less cold and wet. There was no uncomfortable pressure pulling air from his lungs but somehow he could still hear his muffled screaming. Slowly he opened his eyes only to be met with the ceiling fan not more than a foot from his face. In a panic he was dropped from a decent height as he woke up and registered what had been happening. 

He whimpered on the floor groggily as he regained his composure. The dull ache of falling was only second to whatever that incessant noise was. Rubbing his lower back, Dazai finally realized what the familiar sound was and stumbled to Chuuya’s room. As he swung the door open he was met with the sound of his own voice screaming. It was sincerely grating on the ears and at this volume it really was going to wake up the whole neighborhood. Now you’re not supposed to wake people up from nightmares but at this moment in time Dazai didn’t give a shit, he wanted to go back to sleep. Plus it was his body he could do whatever he wanted to it. 

Chuuya seemed to be twisting and turning in the center of the bed. It took Dazai a moment staring at his own face before he jumped into action. For a split second part of him thought this was a dream where he is outside of his body watching himself having a nightmare. He nearly forgot about their little switch despite being woken up because he was using Chuuya’s ability by accident. He wasn't sure how to go about waking his counterpart. Dazai tried to grab his shoulder but was easily pushed away, almost thrown off the side of the bed. To be fair he had to lean pretty far over to reach the other. The bed frame was raised fairly high considering Chuuya’s height and it didn’t help that his bed was a big luxury mattress so the center was much further than normal. With all of Chuuya’s thrashing about Dazai decided to crawl on top of him to shake him awake.

“Hey. Chuuya it's just a dream, you're gonna wake the whole neig-”

Chuuya’s eyes snapped open as he bolted upright eyes frantically darting around the room before scowling at Dazai being mere inches apart. He didn't say anything, still trying to process the visions his subconscious tailor made for him. He layed back down covering his face, annoyed. Just when he finally drifted to sleep he was awoken harshly by his own corrupted thoughts, and Dazai.

“Get off.” Chuuya demanded. Dazai compiled but opted to sit next to him pulling his knees to his chest. The former brunette made no effort to leave or get off the bed. They both looked at each other for a moment before Chuuya huffed again.

“Now get out.”

Chuuya continued to glare at him when he didn’t move. It was bad enough he had to be shaken awake, he didn't need Dazai’s pity too. There was an awkward pause between the two as Dazai mulled over how to bring up the theory in his mind.

“You know, I memorized your files back at the lab. I didn't think it was possible but science was able to do this,” he gestured to each other. “So I'm not really that surprised anymore.”

Chuuya raised an eyebrow as he crossed his arms. “What’s your point?”

“N somehow figured out how to revoke your capacity for dreaming. Naturally your brain would have a backlog to process, especially now that you have a vessel that has the capability.” Dazai pulled back the blanket enough to shimmy his way in, making himself at home beside Chuuya. Dazai already thought the couch was comfy but he was not prepared for the heavenly feeling of Chuuya’s bed. He practically melted into sleep again had it not been to the tension that lingered over the elephant in the room.

“Oi, I said get out!” Chuuya sat up about to push him away but Dazai sighed. “I don't like it either but unless you want to get your dick stuck in the ceiling fan you have to at least be within arms reach.”

Chuuya raised an eyebrow. “You were sleep floating? I haven’t done that since I first joined the sheep.” 

Dazai stiffened. Well that seemed to tank his self esteem. He was only as good as a seven year old, and here he thought he had natural talent considering the given circumstances. While he never properly studied physics in school it wasn’t that hard to understand. That’s disappointing, but not more disappointing than being stark awake now. They both took a long pause, it was starting to make Dazai uncomfortable. Chuuya was being too quiet, what happened to trying to kick him out? Dazai cleared his throat. “So how’d you stop the sleep floating?”

“Like hell if I know! I guess I just learned how to use my ability.” Chuuya grumbled, turning around. The warmth coming off of Dazai was oddly comforting especially since he was still shaken up. Chuuya has figured out that Dazai’s ability doesn’t completely nullify his emotions otherwise he wouldn’t be so on edge at the moment, it just dampens them severely. In a way he’s almost glad the other stayed. Although he didn’t want to talk about it in its entirety, but an eye for an eye. Chuuya hummed to himself. 

“Are all dreams like that?”

“Not particularly, but I don’t know what happened.” Dazai turned his head to look back at Chuuya. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Absolutely not, I just want to go back to sleep.”

“Fair enough.” 

They fell silent after that, letting the faint piano fill the dead air. Once again Dazai felt like he was floating but this time it was because Chuuya’s bed felt like sleeping on a cloud. The soft music was starting to lull him back to sleep with ease. He yawned loudly, spreading his limbs out. Dazai was on the cusp of sleep when he heard Chuuya grumble “Your body sucks.” When Chuuya didn’t get a response he turned around to see his counterpart had already fallen asleep.

“You gotta be fucken kidding me.” Still no response, Dazai was out like a light. Chuuya huffed watching his chest rise and fall. He still wasn’t used to the fact that he was able to stare at his own face in the candid. On impulse he reached out to poke his cheek, surprisingly squishy. He retracted his hand as Dazai’s face twitched, his mouth fell open slightly as he turned toward where Chuuya’s finger was. A few strands of red hair fell with the movement. Chuuya couldn’t help but marvel at his face. He didn’t know how to describe what he was feeling. His hands itched for some reason and he was starting to have heart palpitations and the longer he observed his face the warmer he felt his cheeks get. Chuuya took a deep breath and turned around. That was weird, he doesn’t remember feeling this sensation earlier. Was it residual tremors from the nightmare? It’s not impossible but he doubts it. Without any information he can’t exactly deduce what the strange echo is supposed to be so he shrugs and tries to go back to sleep.

He tries to slow his heart rate down and steady his breathing. Once again attempting to quiet his mind and clear his thoughts. It seemed to be working until he felt the blanket being gently pulled off his body. His eyes snap open to see Dazai starting to float up, taking the blanket with him. Not good. Luckily he was still within arm's distance and as Chuuya grabbed the other’s hand he flopped back down on the bed starfishing out into Chuuya’s personal space. The former redhead rolled his eyes. He didn’t bother pushing Dazai’s leg away nor did he let go of his hand. If he didn’t want Dazai floating away again they would need to be touching anyway so what’s the point. 

Coincidentally the warmth radiating off of his body was strangely soothing and after a few minutes he could feel his eyes getting heavy. Chuuya exhales, repositioning himself to absorb as much warmth as possible. His body was finally relaxing enough to drift back to sleep after being stark away for what felt like hours. Eventually the soft music faded away from his focus as he finally nodded off.

[kikiyoomis]

kissed me breathless

how many drinks has it been? seven? eight? maybe nine?

it may be even more, you've certainly stopped counting after a couple of drinking games that had you too competitive to focus on anything else. everything's a blur, you don't remember who you came here with nor remember the reason why you're here at this house party.

it's early in the morning, possibly 3 or 4 am. the moon is high in the sky and the number of people at the party has significantly decreased since you've arrived. you feel like it's also time for you to leave, to finally go home and reduce the pains of an oncoming hangover but you're unable to bring yourself to.

you're instead threading your fingers through dark, messy curls, tugging it ever so slightly as he continues to kiss you like it was his last time. it probably will be his last time. and so you kiss the stranger back.

he's tall, handsome, and a good kisser on top of that. he's doing everything right. kissing with the right amount of pressure, holding your face tenderly while pulling you in for another round. the kisses are slow, sensual and despite the fact that the both of you are drunk, it was the most romantic make out session of your life. it's clear that he doesn't want to let you go, and you don't wanna go either.

you're not quite sure how you got into this situation. was it the countless shots of liquid courage? this was something sober you wouldn't have ever done. but after hours of doing nothing but make out with this stranger, it has been the most enchanting thing you've done tonight and you don't regret it at all.

"i can't get enough of you," he says, breaking away slightly to catch his breath. you take this chance to really take a look at his face. it's slightly sweaty from kissing you but you find him extremely attractive. the two moles above his eyebrow steals your attention, preventing you from looking away. and his voice was deep and quiet, saying things only for you to hear.

he leans in for another kiss, this one lighter and more cautious than the previous ones. it makes you yearn for more.

and so you kiss him back with more intensity.

i want you, your kisses seem to say.

and he understands it completely, matching your speed and pressure as his other hand slides towards the small of your back to pull you in closer for a deeper kiss.

with your heart pounding, you gather the courage to finally ask the stranger for his name. you don't want to leave this night without knowing the stranger that left you so breathless.

"sakusa," he says, and after a brief pause he adds on, "kiyoomi."

with a smile, you whisper his name back to him. repeatedly saying it between each peck you leave on his lips. it was like the more you said it, the less likely you were to forget it.

"hey, you have to tell me your name too," he says, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. and so you tell him your name.

by now the party is nearly at a standstill, the only people left were those passed out drunk, those waiting for a ride home and the small group of friends still talking and laughing about something that had happened.

sakusa takes a step back, leaving you afraid of him leaving. you knew it would happen soon but "soon" didn't actually prepare you enough for when it was actually going to happen.

"the party is pretty much over," he says to you. you nod in agreement, looking around at your surroundings.

"i don't want you to go," you blurt out honestly. an instance of regret washes over you for saying something so bold and blunt without thinking. but if he leaves, what if this was truly the last time you see him?

"well, i dont plan on sleeping here. it's a one way ticket for various illnesses to enter my body since the end state of this party is so disgusting. i already shouldn't have come here to begin with, my head hurts from all the alcohol miya had me drink," sakusa says in a matter of fact tone, different from the tone he used when he was kissing you.

your heart drops, thinking that this was his moment of clarity and that he regrets the time he has spent with you. you wish it wasn't this way.

he pulls a mask from out of his pocket, looping one end around an ear. "however, my place has a bed fit for two. this party might be done for the night but if you want, ours can end a little later," he says with a grin before covering it with the mask.

you smile at the opportunity, and happily accept it. this was not going to be your last time seeing sakusa.

[elly99]

Golden Hour

Part 4 of 5. Check here for more details.

"Wake up!"

Your phone screamed a recording from one of her Phoning lives. There was no better way to be woken up than by one of her morning calls. It helped you miss her less. And it made you love her more.

You'd been looking forward to this day all week. She was finally coming home. You barely slept last night. All you could think about was her. And that was still the case as you scrambled to get ready, the adrenaline keeping you going, despite running on only three hours of sleep. It was time to make her breakfast like you promised.

You had just begun preparations when you heard the bell ring. Your heart nearly jumped out of your chest. You were not expecting her this early. You could not have run to the door any faster, but she knew your code and was already in the hallway.

"Good morning, bunny!" Her eyes light up when she sees you and she immediately runs to you with arms outstretched. She gives you the tightest bear hug and you feel all your anxiety squeezed out of you. All you worries fly out the door she just came through. She was home and nobody could be happier than you.

Except maybe her. "I missed you so much," she whines, still hugging you tight. "I missed this."

"I missed you, too, Min. So much." You finally take a step back to appreciate how beautiful she was. Not that you were surprised. "Babe, you look amazing! I love your highlights!"

"Aw, thank you! And you look adorable, baby! Did you just get out of bed? Your hair looks funny again," she says giggling.

"Yeah, you got here so early! I've only just started on breakfast."

"Sorry, I just missed you too much. Had to get here as soon as I could." She gives you a quick peck on the lips.

Then you realize you owe her something. You cup her face with your hands and give her a gentle kiss in return, closing your eyes and letting time slow down. "I love you, baby."

"I love you, too. Thought you forgot about that one."

"Luckily you reminded me," you wink and spot her blushing a little. "Wanna sit down? I'll just finish prepping breakfast."

"No. I'm going to keep hugging you and you can't stop me."

Not that you'd ever try to stop her hugging you from behind while you prepare food.

"What are you making?" she asks into your back.

"French toast! I also got you some vanilla ice cream and watermelon for later if you want."

"Oh my gosh, really?" She tightens her hold on you.

"Of course, babe. I know you love those."

"I love you more~!"

You almost drop the bread on the ground.

It takes a bit longer to prepare a meal with a clingy bear on your back, so breakfast turns into brunch. But it didn't matter, because with her here, you felt you had all the time in the world.

At the table you both talk about your week, feed each other, laugh together, and you realize you want nothing but this in your future. You just wanted her in your life forever. To see her smile everyday. To make her happy every chance you could.

Even as you put the dishes away, she back hugs you. Even doing the most mundane things, she manages to make you feel like you're in a dream. Despite being fresh out of bed, she tells you you're beautiful. And despite you knowing it already, she never fails to remind you that she loves you.

"Wait on the couch, baby. Let me just get something."

She comes running back carrying your stuffed bunny in one hand and her hair brush in the other.

"Oh, hey! It's Tokki!"

"Take good care of him, ok?"

"Of course I will!" you exclaim, holding the toy close. "I just realized we never named the bear I got you."

She starts brushing your hair. "Oh, I named it after you. I just forgot to tell you. I hug it to sleep every night," she says calmly.

But you were anything but calm after that. "Why are you so sweet, Minji-yah~?" you squeal.

She mouths the words, "I love you," then gets off the couch and hooks up her phone into your stereo system.

"Minji baby," you call. "I have a problem. Can you help me?" you ask, pouting.

She looks up from her phone, flipping her hair slightly, and smiles at you. "Come here," she says gently, beckoning you over. "Come dance with me." Ethereal piano starts playing.

I was all alone with the love of my life She's got glitter for skin, my radiant beam in the night I don't need no light to see you shine

You feel butterflies throughout your whole body. You quickly stand up and practically run into her arms. She holds you by the waist, pulling you close, and in a soft whisper she asks, "What's the matter, baby?"

Completely red in the cheeks with how tender she's being right now, you lock your hands around her and answer shyly, "I'm a little obsessed with you."

"I see," she says, grinning. "Ok, don't worry. Dr. Kim will help you." She leads the dance, pulling you gently back and forth. "What are your symptoms?"

"Um. I miss you all the time. I keep thinking about you. About hugging you. Kissing you. Listening to your voice and your laugh. Watching you play with your hair. Seeing you smile. I didn't get much sleep last night cuz I was so excited to see you again."

"Hmm. It doesn't seem like a huge problem to me," she teases. "It just sounds like you're in love."

You laugh softly. "I guess I am."

You slow down time In your golden hour

"I've been listening to this song a lot, actually. How did you know?"

"Well, in my professional opinion, it seems we're soulmates. I can read your mind."

"Oh, yeah? What am I thinking about now then?"

"Me. Hehe." She gives you a cheeky smile.

"I mean, yeah, but that's obvious. What exactly am I thinking?"

"Mmm, you're wondering whether or not I'm obsessed with you, too."

Goosebumps. "How did you know?"

"Like I said, I can read your mind. Don't you trust Dr. Kim?"

"With my life," you reassure and pull her in for a kiss. "So, are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Don't make me say it again, bro."

"I don't know what you're talking about," she smiles and kisses you back.

You fight the urge to just melt into her arms and instead try to give her your best puppy dog eyes. "Are you obsessed with me, too?"

She stays silent for a while and looks straight at you. Then with a soft smile she nods cutely and pulls you in for a hug. "I'm in love with you."

Can you even imagine falling like I did for the love of my life? She's got glow on her face, a glorious look in her eyes My angel of light

As the song fades out, your small steps come to a stop. Standing still in each other's arms, you bask in the lingering warmth of your first slow dance together.

"Why haven't we done this before?" you ask. "I loved it. I love when you take the lead."

"I'm glad! I really did want to dance with you. Been thinking about it for a while now."

"You were totally trying to rizz me up, weren't you?"

She laughs. "No~! Why would I need to do that, silly bunny? You're already mine," she says with a smirk on her pretty little face.

Who needs makeup when Kim Minji can make the brightest colors appear on your cheeks with just a few words?

Satisfied with her knockout blow, she lowers her arms from around you and takes hold of your hands. "You wanna cuddle and nap, baby? Since you said you didn't get much sleep last night. Doctor's recommendation!"

"I'd love that. Will you be the big or little spoon?"

"Neither. We're the same height, bro."

"You know what I mean!"

She lifts your hands up and plants a kiss on each of them. "I'll be the big spoon so you can sleep."

How was anyone allowed to be this perfect?

Now in her arms, on your bed, windows glowing in the afternoon sun, it was almost the exact same situation you found yourself in a week ago, when you pondered satellite metaphors. But this time around, in her golden hour, your thoughts were at peace. Cozy under the blanket with just her, you left no space for any unrest. You melt into her embrace and quickly let sleep take over.

You wake up to the sunset streaming through your window. You hear her gentle snoring and didn't want to wake her, but you realize that you'd both slept through dinner time. So you slowly get up from her embrace to sit beside her. She looked so pretty sleeping peacefully like this. You couldn't help but play with her hair. You knew she loved when you did. Sure enough, your gentle touch wakes her from her slumber.

"Hey, baby bear. We overslept. It's past dinner time."

"Let's order some food then. What do you wanna eat?"

"You choose! I made brunch, so it's your turn."

"Ok, I'll try to find something interesting," she says, already scrolling through her phone. "Can you spoon me in the meantime? My turn to be little spoon."

She didn't even have to ask. You gently lift her up so you can wrap one arm around her and pull her close.

"And keep playing with my hair, please," she says adorably and smiles when you oblige. "I love when you do that."

It was so soft. Just like everything else about her. Just like your heart for her.

Cuddling in comforting silence, waiting for your food to arrive, she asks, "Have you still been worrying about us?"

"A little."

"But why, my love? You know I love you, right? No matter what."

Your lips curl into a smile. "I know," you say as you kiss her cheek.

"So don't worry. I'm not going anywhere," she whispers and smiles back at you encouragingly.

"I just worry about people finding out. Like, I'm always so scared and I wish I didn't have to be. I know you just like staying home on your off days, and I love resting at home with you, too. But it just makes me sad every time I think about something couples do and realize we can't."

"Like what, baby?"

"Um, like, traveling. I've been thinking about going to Spain with you and seeing all the places where you shot your music videos. Or, like, dressing up nice to go on fancy dates with you. Like to that museum you visited with the members! Or even just going to the cinema and cuddling in the dark while watching a movie."

"We can do that last one at home, silly," she giggles. "And we can try to do more of those things, too! We just need to be careful."

"Aren't you scared?"

"I am. But then I remember I have you and I know everything will be ok. You're all I need."

All you can do is smile and hug her tighter. You, too, had everything you needed right here in your arms.

"You've been thinking about a lot, haven't you?"

"Of course! Haven't you?"

She pauses. "Honestly, I just think about being with you and that makes me happy."

You felt an arrow shoot straight through your chest. Speechless, you bury your face in her neck, smiling profusely.

"I know what you mean, though, baby. I want all of those things, too."

She gently takes your hands and holds on tight, like she'd never let go.

"The right time will come eventually. Then we won't have to hide anymore."

You had never believed in palm reading, but looking at the way your fingers interlocked in the golden light, the way your hands fit perfectly in hers, your future never seemed clearer. It was her. It would always be her.

"Just wait for me, ok?"

"Of course, baby," you reply softly. You didn't care that it was impossible to pull her closer to you. You tried anyway. "Always."

It would be hard, but you'd wait an eternity for her.

"I'm in love with you, Min."

It would be hard, but it didn't matter. Because you were all alone with the love of your life.

[punchdrunkdoc]

Part 4, Chapter 2

Summary: After the events of S3, Matt Murdock is trying to once again balance life as a lawyer and a vigilante. But he’s been scarred by loss and betrayal - will a mysterious new neighbour help him heal? Or will her secrets drag him back into the darkness? Notes: This is a slow burn romance with an original female character, told in 4 parts. There is mystery, intrigue, action/violence and angst - all the good stuff!

Also available on AO3 and Wattpad

Masterlist

Reference pics

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PART 4

Chapter 2

“Matt!” Foggy clambered to his feet from where he’d been sitting on the tiled floor outside the apartment. He grabbed Matt in a hug, and thumped his clenched fist against Matt’s back a few times for good measure.

“Hey, Fog,” Matt said wearily.

“‘Hey Fog’?” Foggy repeated. “I might not have seen you in five years, and all you got is ‘Hey, Fog’”

“It’s not been five years,” Matt said, unlocking his apartment door. “I saw you yesterday - and you saw me then too. You returned today, just like I did.”

“How do you know? How do you always know these things?”

“I went by the office.”

“Oh. You mean the office that is now a frickin’ beauty salon?!”

“Apparently.”

“Holy shit, was that wild,” Foggy elaborated. “One minute I’m sitting at my desk, and the next I’m on my ass because the desk is no longer there, and I’m surrounded by a bunch of screaming Vietnamese women.”

Matt huffed out a laugh, the visual momentarily raising his mood. But only momentarily.

He was glad to see his friend was okay, but he wanted - he needed - to know what had happened to Calina, and he was running out of means to do so.

He scrubbed his hands over his face, and asked Foggy about the third member of their team. “You heard about Karen?”

“Yeah,” Foggy said sadly. “She stayed behind.”

“What about Marci?” Matt asked, hoping his Foggy wasn’t going through the same hell he was.

“She disappeared with us. I went to our apartment first - she was working from home this morning, and she was still there.” Foggy’s voice wavered slightly as he said the last sentence, his relief palpable. “Her parents rushed over right away, so I left to give them some space to reconnect. What about Calina?”

Matt shook his head. “I- I don’t know. She’s not next door. She’s not here. She’s not in any of the places I’ve checked. The internet’s down-”

“The internet’s down?” Foggy checked the display on his phone. “Shit, I thought it was just me.”

“No. The servers crashed apparently. So I have no idea how to look for her, Foggy. I don’t know if she returned and got hurt somewhere, or if she never disappeared in the first place. If she stayed, she could be anywhere. Five years is a long time, man, and she could be-”

“Hey,” Foggy interrupted. “We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it. The first step is figuring out if she disappeared. The moment the internet is back up we’ll start looking for her. In the meantime, sit down and take a minute, you look wrecked, man. Did you even sleep last night? In 2018, I mean?”

Matt remembered back to the night before. To the restaurant. To tailing Cross and Ranieri, and staying out until dawn. To the fight with Calina…

Jesus, had that only been last night? Less than 12 hours ago?

It felt like another lifetime.

Matt took Foggy’s advice, suddenly feeling exhausted. He collapsed onto the couch, the movement dislodging the layer of dust coating the unused piece of furniture. Matt coughed as the particles swirled in the air, and frowned as he heard plastic crinkle beneath him. He smoothed his hand over the couch, and realised it was covered in some sort of protective wrapping.

“Weird,” Foggy said, commented on the same thing. “Your stuff’s all still here. Its covered in sheets and plastic…but it’s still here.”

Matt shrugged. “Maybe the landlord couldn’t rent the place out again?”

“But why would he give a shit about your stuff? Why didn’t he toss it on the street or give it to Goodwill?”

Matt stood up again and wandered around the apartment, cataloguing the contents. Foggy was right, everything was still here, just as he’d left it. His phone charger was still plugged in by the radiator. His toothbrush was still in the bathroom. His clothes were in the closet. His alarm was on the bedside table…

But there were no signs of Calina. The book she keep by the side of the bed was gone. The silky robe that hung in the bathroom - gone. The running shoes she stashed by the front door - gone.

“Matt?” Foggy called out. “I’ve got something.”

“What is it?” Matt asked. He found Foggy standing in front of the small bureau in the living room, rifling through a pile of papers.

“Electricity bills, water bills…all for this address, all in the name of Calina Balashova. And-” Foggy sucked in a breath.

“What?”

“The deed for the apartment. Matt…she bought this place. In 2019.”

2019.

“She stayed,” Matt whispered. Part of him had known it all along, but the actual confirmation was a gut-punch.

She’d stayed.

He’d disappeared, and she’d stayed here. For five years. Without him.

Which meant she wouldn’t be walking in the door any minute, lost and confused like he was. She could be literally anywhere. Anywhere in the fucking world. She could be completely off the grid. She could be with someone else. Married, even…

She could be-

“We’ll find her, Matt,” Foggy assured him, obviously sensing Matt’s spiral. “As soon as we can get back online, we’ll find her.”

“But what if…,” Matt replied, his voice shaking as he tried to articulate his deepest fear. “What if she’s not even ali-”

“No! Don’t even go there. Don’t think the worst. Look, why don’t you pack a bag and come stay with me and Marci while we sort this out.”

“No. I think I need to stay here,” Matt replied. Calina had bought the place for a reason. Maybe she’d come back. He’d have to be here when she did. He opened his mouth to try to explain that to his friend but paused as he heard a noise in the stairwell. He cocked his head, zeroing in on the sound.

“What is it?” Foggy asked.

Matt recognised the cadence of the steps and the sound of the person’s breathing. He may not always know Karen by scent, but she was recognisable in other ways. “We have a visitor.”

He walked to the front door and pulled it open just as she reached it. Her tall body collided with his as she threw herself at him. Her long, slender arms wrapped around his neck and she buried her head in his neck.

Matt stroked his hand down her back, feeling the tremors racing through her. Hot, wet tears stained his shirt as she cried against him. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m here.”

She pulled back, wiping her hand across her face. “I’m sorry, I tried to keep it together all the way here, but I just-” she broke off on a sob.

Matt pulled her back into the hug and held her as she continued to weep. It was still so hard to fathom that he’d lost five years, but Karen’s reaction was making it feel very real. 

Eventually, her tears ran dry, and she stepped out of the embrace. “Hi, Matt,” she said, letting out a watery laugh.

“Hey, Karen.”

“I came back too, ya know,” Foggy said with mock disgruntlement.

Karen jerked at the sound of his voice. “Foggy?”

“In the flesh.”

She gave Foggy the same long, crushing hug. When it was over, Foggy wiped the fresh tears from her cheeks. “Long time no see, I guess,” he joked.

The look she gave him must have been withering, because Foggy held up his hands in remorse. “Too soon?”

“Yes, Foggy. Too soon. Way too soon.”

“Sorry.”

Karen shook her head. “It’s okay. I…I just feel a little raw, you know. I bet you guys feel the same way - but for very different reasons.”

“You could say that,” Matt answered.

“You both must be so confused. I’m sorry I wasn’t here in the city when you first came back. I wanted to come as soon as I heard, but I couldn’t get a sitter at first. Then there was traffic on the Queensboro bridge and I had to go through the tunnel-”

“Wait, back up,” Foggy said. “Sitter? Does that mean…?”

Karen nodded, and Matt could hear the pride in her voice. “I’m a mom, now. I have a little girl.”

———

Half an hour later, when all the furniture was uncovered, the dust cleared from the surfaces, and the three of them were sitting around Matt’s kitchen table eating take-out, Karen told them about her 21-month old daughter, Izzy.

“It’s short for ‘Isabelle’. It was David's mother’s name. She died when he was young, and he wanted to honour her memory.”

“So David’s the father?” Foggy asked. “Are you guys married?”

“We were. Briefly. Things, um, didn’t work out. He’s not really a part of Izzy’s life.”

“I’m sorry,” Matt said.

Karen shrugged. “I have Izzy. And we’re happy together. She’s amazing. Just so…joyful. Every day she learns something new, and I learn what kind of person she’s going to be - her personality is really starting to shine through, and its wonderful.”

Foggy reached across the table and placed his hand on hers. “I’m really happy for you, Karen.”

“Thank you. I’m not saying the last five years haven't been awful, but I was one of the lucky ones, you know? I found a reason to keep going. To keep hopeful about the future.”

“Can you tell us about the last five years? About what happened?” Matt asked gently - he was desperate for more answers, but could sense it was a deeply traumatising subject.

Karen took a deep breath. “You don’t know?”

“Just that it had something to with someone named Thanos.”

“Yeah,” Foggy added. “Marci’s parents started to explain, but they just kept breaking down in tears. And with the internet down, we’re in the dark ages, information-wise.”

“Wow,” Karen said. “It- it’s so hard to know where to start. Thanos has loomed so large in all of our lives for so long. It’s so strange to think that you don’t even know who he is.” She launched into an explanation of infinity stones, and the all-powerful alien obsessed with using them to bend the universe to his will. It would have sounded fantastical and far-fetched on any other day, but not today.

Not after what Matt had experienced this morning.

And the matter-of-fact way Karen - his no-nonsense, intelligent and rational friend - recited the information convinced Matt of it's truth.

“None of us knew what had happened at first,” she went on. “Everyone just started disappearing. I was on a coffee run - do you remember Foggy?”

“Yeah, you said you were sick of burnt coffee and wanted something frothy and delicious.”

“Yeah,” Karen whispered. She was quiet for a few moments, as if reliving the time in her life where her biggest concern was a caffeinated beverage. “I was on my way back from the coffee shop when the man walking towards me just…disintegrated. Turned to dust. I stood there, frozen in the street, as more and more people vanished. And it was quiet. So eerily quiet, at first. There were no screams, no cries for help. Just dust in the air. And I waited there, on the sidewalk, heart pounding, for it to happen to me. But it never did.”

“Then what happened?” Foggy asked.

Karen laughed wryly. “Then it was anything but quiet. It was pandemonium. Planes fell out of the sky. There were blackouts across the city. The rioting started soon after that. Then the mass suicides - the evangelicals thought it was the rapture, and that they’d been left behind. The vice president had to step in because the President disappeared, and she ordered martial law on the streets. When we finally got news out of Wakanda-”

“Wakanda?”

“That’s where it all went down. We found out it wasn’t the rapture, or some chemical weapon, or any of the hundreds of other theories that flew around those first few days. It was just some megalomaniacal asshole from another planet who’d decided that the way to solve the universe’s problems was to eradicate half of it. Half of everything - every person, every animal, every insect - just gone, with one snap of his fingers.”

Karen went quiet again, as if reliving the trauma. Matt tried to imagine what it must have been like at the time - the confusion, and panic and fear.

Probably not so different from this morning. And it made him wonder which scenario was worse: watching those around you disappear…or being one of the returned, suddenly thrust back into a world that had moved on without you.

“Sorry,” Karen said after a few long moments of silence. “Like I said, it’s so strange to talk about it. Up until this morning, every adult on the planet had lived through it. And we never really discussed it much. It was always there - the grief, and the loss - but everyone tried to ignore it. Even though we knew it was probably eating us away from the inside.”

Matt took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk about it anymore today. Me and Foggy have plenty of time to find out the rest by ourselves. But…”

“What is it?”

“Do you know anything about Calina?” Matt asked, figuring it was a long shot. Karen and Calina hadn’t been close back in 2018. They’d gone shopping together once, and had been friendly to each other around the office, but Calina had always been closer to her Widow sisters. “Do you know where she is?”

“No. I’m sorry.”

Matt frowned. Karen’s words seemed truthful. And her tone was sympathetic. But there was something off about the way she said it…and the way she was shifting slightly in her seat. “What aren’t you telling me? Is she okay? Is she- is she still alive?”

Karen started in surprise. It was her turn to squeeze Matt’s hand. “Yes. I’m sorry, Matt. Yes, as far as I know, she’s alive.”

Matt frowned again. “As far as you know? What does that mean?”

“Sorry, I’m messing this up. I don’t know what to say-”

“Just say the truth, Karen.” Matt tried to control the anger creeping into his voice. But he didn’t know why Karen was being so cagey about this.

“I just meant that I haven’t spoken to her in a few weeks. And what she’s doing is often dangerous-”

“Dangerous? Why? What is she doing?”

“She’s a Black Widow again, Matt.” Karen’s voice was soft, gentle. As if she knew the news would be a blow to Matt.

And it was. Matt stood up from the table, the plates and glasses rattling with the sudden movement. He backed away, shaking his head. “She- she was out. She was out of that life. She didn’t want it anymore.”

The Calina of yesterday - his yesterday - didn’t want to fight anymore. She didn’t want a life of violence and danger. She was going to be a translator. She was going to help people with her other gifts. And she’d been happy with that choice. More than happy - she’d been excited about finally finding her purpose in her new life.

“Matt, the world needed her,” Karen explained. “It needed the Widows - the ones who were left, anyway. Most of the Avengers disappeared, and it was all hands on deck to try to keep civilisation from completely collapsing. That first year…it was bad. It was really bad - all across the world. So she suited up again. The UN scrapped the Sokovia Accords, granted the Widows full immunity, and they’ve been out there all this time helping to keep everyone safe.”

Matt stood still, head bowed, hands on his hips, as he tried to process how much Calina’s life had changed these past five years.

“Can you call her?” Matt asked, not even trying to disguise the pleading in his voice. “Please? I need to know she’s okay.”

“I don’t have a way to contact her,” Karen replied. “Its safer for her that way. She checks in with me every few weeks-”

“She didn’t call today? When this all happened?”

“No. But when she does, I’ll tell her to come to New York. I promise, Matt.”

———

Karen left shortly after, needing to get back home to her daughter. Matt cleared away the plates and stowed the leftovers in his fridge. He grabbed the last two remaining bottles of beer and passed one to Foggy. Then, in unspoken agreement, they both collapsed on to the couch, as if needing to sit with the enormity of it all for a while. Silence reigned as they sipped on the drinks, both of them feeling a little shell-shocked by the events of the day.

Foggy placed his empty bottle on the coffee table, the clink of glass meeting wood the only sound heard for the past half an hour.  “It’s fucking crazy, man. It’s just…crazy.” He shook his head. “Five years. Five YEARS.”

Matt laughed, a choked-off, bitter sound. It seemed the safest response - the alternative was to scream. Or punch a hole in the wall. “Yeah.”

“Five years!”

“I know.”

“What do we even do now? Do we exist, like from a legal standpoint? What about our bank accounts and credit cards? If Karen hadn’t bought dinner tonight, would we have starved?”

“We wouldn’t have starved,” Matt responded, laughing in humour this time.

“But what about our careers? Can we still practice law? I don’t even know who the District attorney is. Fuck, I don’t even know who the President is!”

“Foggy, relax. Those are relatively easy problems to solve in the grand scheme of things. Once we get back online we can find out all those answers. You have a roof over your head, you have Marci, you have your friends. Everything else will sort itself out.”

“Yeah,” Foggy said, calming down a bit. “Shit. I’m sorry, man. Here I am stressed about legalities, and you’re still in the dark about Calina.”

“I know she’s alive. Or, at least, she was, up until a few weeks ago.”

“That’s something.”

“Yeah.”

Neither of them sounded convinced. Matt especially - because until he could ‘see’ her in person, and know that she was truly safe and unharmed, he wouldn’t be at peace.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come back to mine?” Foggy asked. “I don’t feel right just leaving you here alone.”

“It’s fine. You need to get back to Marci. I’ll be fine. I need to go out anyway.”

“You’re going out as Daredevil? Tonight?”

“Of course.”

“There’s no ‘of course’ about it, Matt. You’ve had a major, life-altering shock today, and you haven’t slept in, what, 36 hours?”

“About that.”

“I don’t think anyone - not even the Almighty himself - would blame you for taking the night off.”

Matt opened his mouth to argue...but found himself nodding instead. Saying he was going out on patrol had been more of a reflex than anything else. When the truth was, for the first time in a long time, Matt didn’t want to suit up. He didn’t want to fight tonight. He didn’t want to wade back out into the chaos. He knew he should - that it was his duty and his responsibility - but he couldn’t find the strength to do so.

And it had nothing to do with a lack of sleep.

He wanted - just for tonight - to be selfish. He wanted to stay in the familiarity of his apartment and wallow for a while in the absolute fucking unfairness of it all.

Five years.

He kept coming back to those two little words. Like Foggy, he just couldn’t comprehend that timescale.

Five years.

He’d lost five years of his life.

No. Five years of his life had been stolen from him. Then he’d been dropped back into this new and foreign world to flounder and flail in confusion. 

Five years of his life…gone in an instant.

And he knew he wasn’t the only person dealing with this tonight - half the universe was, apparently. But that didn’t bring much comfort. Because while the event was the same, the individual circumstances were unique to each and every person.

And his unique circumstances just straight-up fucking sucked.

He’d lost Calina. The woman he loved more than life itself. The woman he was planning a future with just yesterday…

A future that had been ripped away.

He felt like he couldn’t breathe with missing her. With worrying about her. With wondering what her life had been like these past five years, and what she was doing right at this moment.

Was she missing him, as much as he was missing her?

Was she safe?

Was she hurt?

Was she even alive?

———

7000 miles away, in a medical facility in Wakanda.

The doctor addressed the tall red-head, still dressed in blood-splattered black leather. “You need to decide now. The longer we wait, the less chance there is of the treatment working.”

His voice was calm and measured - a stark contrast to the chaos behind him. The wounded from the fight this morning had been arriving all day, the sparking yellow circles providing a shortcut between the high tech medical facility in Africa and the scorched battlefield in upstate New York.

The shouts of the medical personnel, the cries of the injured, and the screaming alarms of the machinery made it hard for Anya to think. But she knew what was right for her friend. “Do it.”

The petite Widow at her side protested. “But she’ll be unconscious for weeks!”

“What’s the alternative, Inessa? You heard what he said - her legs are completely crushed. Without this treatment, they’ll have to be amputated.”

“But she doesn’t even know that we’re back - that everyone came back. That Matt came back! She deserves to know that before she’s put in a coma for a month!”

“Look at her legs, Inessa! There’s no amount of morphine in the world that will spare her from that pain. We wake her up now, she’ll be in too much agony to think about Matt. The shock might even kill her!” Anya turned back to the doctor, patiently waiting by the side of the pod. “Do what you have to do to save her. Please.”

The doctor nodded and pressed the button, sealing up the pod.

A mist of medicated air filled the device, obscuring Calina from view.

————–

Chapter 3

Tag list: @hollandorks @stilldreaming666 @sio-ina-bottle @tearoseart-blog @acharliecoxedfan @freckledbabyyy @chezagnes

If you’d like to be added - let me know!

[noralia20]

I still love you (J.P)

Summary: James left due to the war without any hints or warning. But when he comes back, he's scared that the love of his life moved on. His fear come true when he spots you and Amos Diggory with a little boy at a park. Will James Potter find the guts to talk to you again?

Warnings: none really

Disclaimer: I do not own any of those pictures, found them on pinterest

Word count : 4,631

He left. Why you did not know before a long time.

It was less than a year after graduating Hogwarts. You and James, after already three years of relation decided to take a small house in the suburbs of London. You guys met on the train in second year. He had never heard of you but you surely heard of him. It clicked immedialtly with the marauders, and you were also the one who discovered first about Remus' "furry little problem" as James likes to call it. You helped him through anything. You even became an animagus.

James fell utterly and hopelessly in love with you, as you did too. However, it took you guys 4 years to make out the courage to confess. "The four longest years of my life" as Sirius wouldn't stop saying. You couldn't blame him, the poor guy had to see you gush on one another and make him lose his earing by listening to your nonstop description of the other. But that's another story.

You and James were talking a lot about marriage as you one day promised to marry as soon as dropping out of school. But war caught up to your plans and you were now very occupied with the Order.

It was a Friday night, a full moon night to be exact. James forbade you to come with the guys since they were out of wolfsbane. You swore you had a pare bottle in the cabinet but when you went to look for it, it was effectively gone. You knew James and his overprotective side and decided not to argue with him about it. That night he looked awfully quiet.

Y/N: James... You are awfully quiet.

James: Nothing to worry about love. *gets up* I'll take my leave.

He went towards the door, and you followed him. You stopped directly in front of the doorstep while he turned around a the bottom of the doorsteps. He looked even more handsome in the shining light of the twilight. Oh, how much would you give to marry that man right now... He looked at you intensely, with love, passion and somewhat a hint of sadness. You frowned at this last thought. And he noticed, of course he did. He smiles through the unexplained worry painted on his face.

James: 'Be back before you can say "blueberry pie". *turns around*

Y/N: Blueberry pie.

You rushed it out and he didn't have the time to take a step before turning back around. Something inside of you didn't want to let him go. Why does this whole situation seemed like a goodbye, he would only be gone for the night.

James: *smiles* Maybe not that fast... But pretty fast. Okay?

Y/N: Okay.

James: Bye.

You didn't have the time to answer that he already apparated somewhere, probably to Moony's house.

That night you didn't manage to sleep properly until pas 2 am. You had this feeling in your gut that wouldn't go away.

And that felling didn't get better the next day. You waited hours for James to pass the door, waiting to be stitched up. But it never came. Finally, you decided to go to Moony's house. You apparated around 7 pm. The house seemed empty, but you still went towards the door. You had called home, but nobody answered, maybe the boys fell asleep from exhaustion because of the night prior. You knocked not even once that the door pushed open. Revealing a cold and empty house. You checked if you were at the good address, you were. You rushed throughout the house and called for your friends. You tried to call, Lily, Marlene even Alice wouldn't respond to your calls. You went to each of their house, everything was the same. Empty, cold with nobody around. Where were they, they didn't leave anything, not a hint. You had only one place to go to, the old house the black. You arrived at 12 Grimmauld place and recited the spell normally used. You waited, nothing worked. You tried, again and again. Soon falling to your knees from exhaustion, sobbing in your hands. You knew what that meant. You friends were gone, they left you, the Order left you, the love of your life left you. The only people you trusted and loved with all your soul just left without a word, a hint... You were what you feared the most: alone, again...

You obviously realised it was all planned. For the past few days, the interaction with your friends were short. You thought it was for security. But the look that James had the day before told everything, they all planned to leave you, and they succeeded. Why did they leave, you didn't know. And wouldn't for a very long time. That night you cried your whole soul, hugging one of James' favourite shirt to your chest. His smell was the only thing you had left of him, as well as some photos. And promised one thing, you wouldn't fall in love anymore. If you were going to fall in love, you were going with him. Only, James Fleamont Potter.

~2 years later~

You were now 20 and still no sign of live of your dearest friends. With time, you came to the assumption you weren't made to fight by their side. So, you did your research, you arrested a few death eaters, created an orphanage for the children of our dear passed wizards and witches. You offered them what you didn't have since he left: a home. In their eyes you could sometimes see the look of your friends. You still lived in that house James and you bought. You still loved him. How could you not, he was the man made for you. Maybe he was dead, maybe all of them were. That thought kept you awake at night. The mornings your stomach would twist at the new listing of the war victims. You knew that muggles were also being more attacked, so you raised a barrier around your neighbourhood and the orphanage. It was taking a lot of energy but you knew he would have done the same. You lived and became a better person thinking what he would do.

Right now, you were in your office at the orphanage, looking at some photos taken by and of your friends.

You would have given everything for just one day, one day back at Hogwarts. You looked at the photo, smiling at your friends' antics. Suddenly, a knock was heard on your door and a small head peered out.

Y/N: Mary? What is it?

She nervously smiled; she made you sometimes think of Remus.

Mary: There's a lady asking for you outside.

Y/N: Oh, then I should get that. *standing up* Thank you for warning hun, you can go back to what you were doing.

You exited the office, walking towards the entrance, swaying in between children as they saluted you. You smiled in response but your mind was somewhere else, who might that lady be? Just as you were to enter the room the mysterious lady was in, you heard a loud bang.

Y/N: Oh my! Danny! Are you alright?! I already told you not to fly on a broom inside.

Daniel: It's okay Miss Y/N. No mischief made.

"It's okay N/N. No mischief made."

Your eyes widen, the flashback hitting you hard. He said that one day after he ran away on his broom after some prank, crashing in the Gryffindor common room. "James" you whispered.

?: I was about to say the same.

That voice, no it can't be.

Y/N: Lils?

You turned around to see a red head, smiling at you. She looked tired but in a good health. You wanted to yank your arms around her but some invisible force was stopping you from it.

Lily: Hello Y/N.

Y/N: W-What. H-How-

Lily: I'm here for that. But could we talk somewhere more, private.

You guided her through the halls, back to your office. You sat down and offered her a cup of tea. You made like you used to do in Hogwarts.

Lily: You didn't change I see, still 2 sugars and-

Y/N: -One tablespoon of cream. Yeah. So what about you?

She sighed deeply.

Lily: you know, the war the Order...

Y/N: Actually, I wouldn't know because you left me. Without a goodbye, a hint, no you just erased every trace of your existence in my life.

Anger was fuelling inside of you. You wanted answers, you deserved them.

Lily: N/N, you have every right to be angry right now but-

Y/N: Hell, yeah, I do. You come back after two years just saying hi and expect like nothing happened. You know I thought I knew you Evans but clearly I don't.

She winced at the use of that name, and you turned to refill your cup.

Lily: I'm here to tell you that the war has came to an end.

You stopped in your track, no more war, peace, over, no more fear. You turned to her and she nodded, telling me she was saying the absolute truth. Like a wave of relief, your spell of protection broke and you fell to your knees. Lily rushed to your side. She told you everything. When James realised hard times were coming, he wanted nothing but to put you away from danger. And the only way was getting you away from them. So for months he argued with his friends until they accepted his request. The night of the full moon, there was still wolfsbane, James took it from the cabinet, so it was obviously not there when you searched for it. At the same time, evry house of the people you knew was being emptied. When James left you that night, he apparated at Grimmauld place. Lily said she had never seen him so expressionless, so quiet, so pale. He didn't say anything the whole day after that. He didn't do anything but stare blankly at the wall before him. he knew that with one word we would all go back and explain it to you, but he knew he couldn't. Nothing happened until you apparated in front of the place, trying to open it with the usual spell. When you broke down on the floor, James heart ripped apart and he fell on his knees at the same time you did. Never they saw him cry and scream so much. Sirius and Remus had to drag him to his room. James was never the same after that. Only the passion of seeing you one day kept him alive.

Lily: We all decided it was wiser to cut every information about your current life so we wouldn't be tempted. That is until today. Last night, James managed to kill Voldemort. I'm not suppose to be here, we promised ourself that we would wait until the announce of the end of the war would be pronounced. That is after all the death eaters will be arrested. But I couldn't wait, I searched for you, and I'm here to apologise. From all of us.

Y/N: ...Okay, that's a lot to take in... But I do forgive you. I want the other to come and see me if they want to earn my forgiveness.

She looked at you and directly nodded. She embraced you in a tight hug and noticed a photo behind your back. It was one of you and Amos Diggory, you got close when your friends got away and he was sometimes helping you at the orphanage. You absolutely loved his son, Cedric and his spouse. But that, Lily didn't know.

Lily: I have to go before I get caught.

Y/N: I'll help you find your way out.

Lily: Don't worry, I'll find it myself.

On her way to leave, she noticed a ring on your finger. Were you married? What would James say.

Lily's pov

I arrived at Grimmauld place and tried to make my way back to my room. But I was stopped by five guys and two girls, waiting for me in the living room. Shoot busted.

Remus: And where were you young lad?

Lily: I was... grocery shopping.

Marlene: Weird, because I don't see any grocery with you.

Lily: That's because they were out of everything. Sirius: Out of everything ?

Alice: Now come on Lils, the truth please. Where were you?

Lily: Ugh, just don't be mad. I-I was... with N/N.

Even though, she only said it barely above a whiper, they all heard it. James who has been awfully quiet till then, like usual now, was up on his feet. He rushed towards me before anybody could.

James: When, how, is she okay?

Lily: Okay, all of you sit down, I'll tell you.

They all sat down in the living room and I took a big breath.

Lily: She's fine, she's perfectly fine. Still with her tea with two sugars and one tablespoon.

They all smiled remembering the morning at Hogwarts, with you "Y/N tea" as you liked to call it.

Lily: She's the headmaster of an orphanage of deceased wizards and wiches. She's very loving, I can see it in her eyes. She makes me thing about Professor McGonagall when she was with you four boys. She was angry when she saw me, however when she learned that the war was no longer, she collapsed.

I saw James' body tense up and I turned to him.

Lily: Not because she was in a bad health but rather because of shock and relief. At the same time, she released a protection spell, you know that weird spell we haven't been able to identify who it was from, well from her. I explained what happened two years ago. And-

Tears of emotion started to build up in my eyes. Marlene soothed me with rubbing a hand on my back.

Lily: And she forgave me. She said she'll do the same with you if you come to apologise directly to her.

They all looked at each other, tears glistening.

James: Lils, did she tell you anything about me?

I came to the realisation that I had to tell James what I saw.

Lily: James... I think Y/N is married...

James pov

Lily: James... I think Y/N is married...

The words kept spinning, weird the world too. Suddenly I felt Pads' hand on my shoulder. I saw him mouthing my name but no sound came to my ears.

Remus: -mes... -ames... James!

I snapped my head towards moony, I don't know how but I was back on the couch.

Marlene: He's in shock.

Remus: James, can you hear me?

James: Y-yea, moony I can. No need to shout.

Padfoot: You scared us there, pal.

James: She's married...

Lily: James-

James: I have to see her.

Remus: James I don't think that's a good idea.

James: Lily, tell me where is she?

I took her by her frail shoulders.

Lily: I-

James: Where in the bloody hell is she?!

She flinched at the raise of my voice. She looked at my eyes, looking any signs of reason inside of me.

Lily: *sighed* XXXX.

James: Thanks, Lils.

I kissed her cheek and directed outside.

Lily: But I still don't think that's-

She didn't the chance to finish that I was already gone.

Nobody's pov

Marlene: He'll never listen, will he?

Sirius: That's James we're talking about. What were you expecting.

Lily: But I never said I was sure! I just saw a ring on her finger and a photo of her hugging Amos-

Frank: Amos? As in Amos Diggory?

Lily: Well, yes...

Frank: He had a crush on her during fourth year, but I didn't see it going that far...

Remus: Now's not the time for that, we have to get James before he does something really stupid. You stay here, Wormtail, Padfoot, let's go.

With that, they all apparated near the orphanage.

James: She's not here, where the hell is she?

Sirius: Wow, easy Prongs.

Remus: Maybe she's back at yours and her appartement, Lily told me she did not change.

James: She didn't?

He shook his head. Before they could protest, James was already gone, and they followed.

They all appeared next to the small house. James hurried himself to look through the windows. Everything was pitch black, nobody home. Where were you? Did some death eaters catch you? He was pulled away from his thoughts when he heard some giggling. He transformed into his animagus form, Sirius and Peter did the same while Remus hid behind a bush. They all walk slowly to the source of the sound, they had to go through a group of trees, a little forest. When they emerged out of it, what they saw broke James' heart. Here you were, in the small park you and James dreamed of playing with your children there. Except that you were with the one and only: Amos Diggory. Laughing with a ring on your finger.

But that wasn't the only thing. You were laughing with a little boy, not older than two. He looked very much like you, same eyes, same smile. You were married and with a child. You made James' worst fear come true, you moved on and realised your dreams, without him.

Y/N: Cedric! Come back here, you little munchkin!

Cedric? So that was the name of your son? He couldn't hate the child, after all he was half part of you. He heard Padfoot whimper, signalling him it was better to go. They changed back and without a word being said got back to Grimmauld place. As soon as they got there, James went up the stairs locking himself in his room, his friends calling after him. but what could they do, they all saw the same thing, you were happy, with someone else.

This situation lasted three months, James wouldn't go out of his room except to shower and go to the bathroom. His life was definitely over. By trying to protect what was the most important to him, he lost it anyway. And the worst part was that when he would go out, he would hear about how his other half is so happy.

On the other side, everyone went one by one to apologise. They did not stumble upon the fact that you were married, as your relationship was a bit fragile with all those years missing. But with time it got back like it was before. Except for one thing, James never came, and you didn't know why. War was over, he could go back to you. So, what was stopping him? Maybe he moved on, realised you weren't good enough for him. You didn't dare to ask your friends about it, until one day.

You were all at the orphanage, one night when all the kids were asleep. You were drinking fire whiskey while going through some album of you guys early years at Hogwarts. It had come an occurrence for them to pass by the orohanage, no much that the kids started to call them: Auntie Lily, Uncle Moony, Dadfoot...

Sirius: Oh, my lord, I remember that day. You turned Prongs' hair green just before a big game for revenge about one of your favourite sweater being ruined by his pranks.

Silence was made at the mention of Prongs' name. Marlene cleared her throat, closing the album in her hands.

Marlene: What about you N/N? when are you going to show us some pictures of the wedding?

Y/N: T-The wedding?

Marlene: Oh don't act fool now N/N. We all already know.

Y/N: What are you talk-

Lily: Ouh, ouh, yes. And I want photos from the day Cedric was born, with al the pregnancy. Who's his godparents by the way.

Sirius: I bet it's me, right N/N?

Remus: It would certainly be me.

You watched in horror as they argued about Cedric's godparents. You were his godmother, what were they on about?

Y/N: OoOkay, guys, GUYS. *all stopped* I don't understand a word you're saying.

Lily: Sorry, we just want to see some pictures of your wedding and your married life with Amos and your son.

Y/N: My son? Wedding? I'm not married nor that I gave birth to a child.

Sirius: Then what's with the ring, and your relationship with Diggory.

Y/N: That's my mother's ring, I just wear it that way so men would stop to flirt around me. And Amos is just a friend, he helped me build this orphanage. Wait did you really think I married him ? And gave birth to Cedric? Come on, he was born when we were still back at Hogwarts! I'm only his godmother.

Their faces went pale, they all understood and made a big mistake. They broke the heart of their deer friend without meaning to. They all looked at each other and nodded.

Remus: I'm sorry N/N, but we have to go, we'll see you tomorrow. Promise.

Y/N:Oh, okay, just be careful on your way back.

They all got home and as soon as they entered the house, the boys were rushing up the stairs, screaming for James.

Marauders: James! Prongs! JAMES!

He was in his bed and woke up in a startle.

James: What, what?

Sirius: She's not married mate.

James: What? *not fully awake* Remus: James Fleamont Potter, listen to us. Y/n is not married nor had Amos' child. We were all wrong.

That time James understood and got up quickly on his feet.

James: WHAT?!

Peter: Please don't make us repeat.

James: So, she never was married. Did she say anything else? Like about waiting for me.

Remus: Uhm, we didn't ask her.

Sirius: We rushed here to tell you.

His shoulders slumped down, how was he sure that you still loved him. you didn't ask about him which was quite fair since he was the one who left. He sat down on the bed and suddenly felt like that teenage boy again. Unsure about the fact that you share his feelings, only now, his friends weren't sure as well.

Sirius: What are you still doing here? Go, go talk to her!

James: I'm not sure Pads, what if she doesn't love me anymore?

Remus: Are you mad, of course she does!

James: Who told you that? How does she react at the mention of my name?

He was right, you always were silent.

Peter: That's normal, you left her and never came to apologise.

James: Exactly Wormtail, That's normal that she doesn't feel the same way anymore.

Sirius: Well then go find out! Are you a Gryffindor or not?

James: No... She doesn't love me anymore. She probably hates me and I don't want to hear it from her.

Remus: Hates you? James, what is wrong with you?! we came here to finally tell you that the woman you love has not moved and you don't pull out the guts to see her.

James: Nothing's wrong, just leave it!

They all decided to leave him alone. For two more weeks, James didn't move much, debating on the fact that you weren't in love with him anymore. he also accepted that you were better off without him because the only thing he managed to do was hurt you, when he swore he wouldn't. While you waited, every hour, every second of everyday, you waited for him to go past the doorstep. But he didn't. you didn't lose, you always had his favourite tea at the ready and waited patiently, like Rapunzel in her tour. That went on like that, the guys telling him to go, James refusing, you wanting, until one day.

James missed you, the photos he had of you weren't enough, but he didn't have the courage to risk and stalk you from outside the orphanage. So, he called home. He did that three times, always hanging up when you responded. The sound of your voice made his heart thump hard in his chest. The fourth time, he called and after three rings, he heard your familiar voice.

"If you're calling for Amos, please be aware that I don't date him. If this is Tuesday night, I'm with the marauders. If you got something to sell, I'm not buying, tuff luck. Anyone else leave a message after the beep. Oh and PS: if this is James Potter, I still love you."

He dropped the phone, ending the call. He couldn't believe what he had heard. You still love him? how? His eyes squeeze sht. He sits on the floor and suddenly jumps up. You still love him, what was he doing here. In an instant, he was rolling donw the stairs. They all looked at him weirdly and were surprised when he disappeared.

He arrived at you house, it was night, and you were here. He banged on your door, he heard a familiar shuffling. You opened the door and air was taken out of his lungs. Still as beautiful as ever, you wore a surprised expression that soon changed into a loving smile.

Y/N: Hello, James.

James: You still love me?

You hummed in question; he repeated pointing toward the phone behind you. you chuckled and without turning back at him you said.

Y/N: Oh, so you heard it, I guessed the one calling was you. Well, yes I still love-

Next thing you knew, James' caught your lips, kissing you passionately.

The world started to spin around you, into this never-ending waltz of love. He was the sun; you were the moon. You were the snitch; he was the seeker. You were Y/N and James and nothing sounded more perfect. You passed you hand through his messy curls, memorising everything as if when the kiss ended, he would disappear.

You gasped for air, looked at each other's eyes. By now, you had spent years memorising every little detail on his face. It was almost like nothing happened, like he was only gone for grocery shopping. But no, he came back after two years. You saving children and him saving the world.

Y/N: Wow...

James: Couldn't say any better... I'm sorry. *tears up*

Y/N: Oh, James... I would have done the same.

You looked at him, and he leaned for yet another kiss. He flinched when he felt you flick his forehead.

James: Hey!

Y/N: That's for coming so late. And don't make that face! What are you going to do about it Pottah?

James: Oh, you're so on missy.

Y/N: Yeah, yeah, keep talking, I'm going inside, it's freezing. Be free to join me... but if you enter, be aware that you're never leaving.

James: I count just on that, I'll have time to think about a little revenge for that flick.

You were already inside, standing in the doorway, you turned and smiled.

Y/N: The rest of our lives.

He grinned just thinking about it, entering the house he planned on building a future with you in. he took you in his arms and rested his forehead on yours.

James: For the rest of our lives, and much, much after.

Thaaat's it. Hope you enjoyed, especially for two specific girls. See you next time, loves <3

XOXO

[malii-the-bonehead]

The Other Woman pt4

Slow burn

Summary: Chris, a popular hockey player at school where Y/n went, found himself falling for the beautiful, shy girl. As time went on he found out who Y/n truly was as a person and ultimately, he had to make the choice, his girlfriend, or the other woman.

Part 4

Chris ended up never texting me last night. He probably fell asleep. I don’t blame him. I wish I was sleeping early last night. I’m worried about whether he'll pass his calculus exam. He didn’t text this morning either.

I wasn’t worried. I mean we only texted once I’m not attached or anything. 

And not to mention how distracted I am with work. Maybe it is better that he didn't pull my focus away from the important things. 

“Good morning,” my mom stumbled into the kitchen

“Good morning mom,” I responded. She rubbed her eyes and sat at the island in our kitchen. “How’d you sleep?”

“Fine, I guess. I have a throbbing headache though,” She rubbed her temples with both hands, shutting her eyes and sighing. 

I walked over to the medicine cabinet and grabbed some advil. I filled a glass with some tap water and gave the pills and water to her. She mumbled a quiet “thank you” when she grabbed the water from my hand. I put the pills on the counter and grabbed my bag off the chair next to her.

“I’m about to leave for school. Do you need anything before I go?” 

She replied, “When you get out of school can you go to the store and buy me some new socks? I can’t seem to find any.”

“Yeah, mom I’ll get you some. But just so you know they have some clean socks in the basket on the dryer.” I kissed the top of her head, spinning around and heading towards the front door. 

“Thank you, Y/n. I love you, be safe.”

I looked back at her. “I love you too, mom.” 

I opened the front door, stepping outside into the cool air. 

–

I'm sitting in the parking lot, waiting for the first school bell to ring. I decided I’d smoke the rest of my joint before going into the building. It wasn’t much, just a little less than half. I’m not super lightweight with weed, thankfully. 

The clock on my car hit 6:50, meaning it was time to go inside before the late bell rings. I grabbed my stuff from the backseat and shut off my car, locking it and walking into the school building.

To be honest, I’ve been thinking about Chris most of the morning. I really hope he does well on his calculus test today.

Time for gym class. The most dreaded class of the day. But, at least I didn’t have to do it sober, right?

–

First and second hour seemed to pass by really quickly. It is now third hour and I’m sitting at my desk. I have so many butterflies in my stomach. I feel like I’m going to throw up, like something is going to happen. I don’t know why I feel like this. I might be hungry.. Or nervous. My high wore off midway through the second period meaning I was now sober again. A few people told me I needed perfume this morning. I hope I masked the smell well. I didn’t need anyone knowing I did such crazy activities in my down time. 

I looked up from my phone, seeing Chris walk in the room. His hair was a mess and his eyes looked droopy like he didn’t get enough sleep last night. He looked at me. I slightly smiled at him, pulling my headphones down to my shoulders. He trudged slowly over to my desk, rubbing his eyes with his fingers before blinking down at me. 

“Good morning, Christopher.” Something in my stomach just turned. I did feel nervous. But not just nervous, nervous to be around him. 

“Good morning,” he grunted out. He sat down on top of my desk, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

“Did you get to study for your calculus test?” I asked him cautiously. I didn’t know how tired Chris would react, if he would be cranky or calm. 

“I did. All night, actually. I was going to text you but I figured you’d be exhausted. You needed the rest.”

He cared about how much I rested? So he didn’t call me, not because he was asleep but because he didn’t want to bother me. 

“Oh, silly I didn’t mind. Honestly, I was worried about whether you had been able to study.” I picked at my thumb nail, feeling his gaze on me. “How did that go by the way?”

“I think I got it all crammed into my head. I don’t get most of it but I know the basics. I’m so tired though. I slept through first and second hour.” He let out a light chuckle. A chuckle that made my insides tingle. 

“I can tell, your hair is a mess.” I brought my hand up to his head, carefully fixing his hair. His face went bright pink and he looked away from me. 

“Yeah, it’s tough to sleep with your head on a desk.” If Chris wasn’t next to me I probably wouldn’t have heard him. 

“Trust me, I know. I used to sleep in my classes a lot last year.” He turned to look at me, his face back to its original color. He was really pretty in this lighting. Classroom lighting isn’t the best, but somehow he makes it work. 

“Y/n,” he looked at me with a puzzled expression. I looked up at him, nodding my head slightly. “Do you smell weed in here?”

I shut my eyes. Shit, it’s still lingering on my clothes.

I quickly opened my eyes and reached into my bag, grabbing perfume for the fourth time today. 

“Sorry.” I stated to no one in particular. I sprayed my jacket with the perfume before placing it back into my bag. 

He had slightly wide eyes when I looked back at him.

“You smoke?” Chris was now staring at me waiting for my answer. 

“Um, every now and then I do. Is that a problem?” It didn’t come out as rude or harsh but more like a genuine question. He quickly shook his head.

“No, not at all. I just- You don’t seem like the type, you know?” I giggled quietly.

“Thanks?” I replied. The bell rang as he opened his mouth to speak. A man walked into the class. A man who’s not our teacher. Chris looked dead into my eyes and mumbled a quiet, “I’ll see you in a few,” before getting up from the top of my desk and moving to his in the back. 

“As you can see, your teacher isn’t here today. I won't be a substitute. I have a paper I will put on this desk. You all need to come look at the room you need to go to for this class period. As far as I know, your teacher will be back on Monday. Don’t push, shove, or act like wild animals when you come up here to check the paper. When you find your name and room number, sign your initials and go to that class. You don’t go to your assigned class and you will be marked as skipped, everyone understands?” The teacher looked around the class, making sure everyone knew what he was explaining. He nodded his head to himself,  “Good, you may go check your rooms.”

I got up, slowly walking to the paper on the empty desk in the front of the class. I waited for a few people before grabbing the paper, finding my name and room number. 

“What room did you get?” I felt Chris’s presence was too close to me. I turned my head slightly to see him practically leaning over me. I felt my legs start to give out a little bit, but I stood strong.

“I have to go to room 962. Yours says 240. Do you want me to sign your name for you?” I looked back at him once again, showing him the paper.

“Yes, thank you. It sucks that we have to go across the school from each other. Would you mind if I walked you there?” My eyes opened slightly. I quickly shifted, turning to face him.

“No, you don’t have to do that. I have to walk up 2 flights of stairs. Don’t waste energy you don’t have, Chris.” He looked kind of sad when I said that. 

“Trust me, I’ll be fine. Just let me walk you this one time?” I sighed. The paper was now out of my hand and on the desk. Chris was bent over the desk, signing my initials first, then his own. I rolled my eyes, went back to my desk, and grabbed my things. Chris did the same thing before we both walked out of the double doors to exit the class. 

Walking seemed like it took forever. Those stairs killed me, and Chris hasn’t said much to me. We walked close, but not too close. When we arrived at my class, I thanked him for walking me.

“Thank you, Chris. I’m sorry you had to walk me all the way over here,”

“No, don’t worry, I don't mind. I guess I should start going back down, huh?” He chuckled a little, pulling his hair out of his eyes once again. Then, he suddenly had a look on his face like he was the smartest man in the world.  “Hey, why don’t you text me?”

I smiled up at him. “Sure, Chris, I’ll text you.”

He smiled back before slowly turning around and walking to his class, across the school. I blew the hair out of my face before walking into the classroom and finding an empty desk at the back. 

–

It’s been about 30 minutes since I’ve been in class with no one I know. I had put my music on and started reading before I remembered to text Chris. I pulled out my phone and put my book away on the desk in front of me.

Hey, Chris. I pressed send. Before I could even put my phone down, I felt it vibrate in my hand. I looked down at it, reading the new message that popped up on my phone. 

Hola Y/n. He waited a second before sending another text. Sorry, I’m in a Spanish class right now. I smiled down at my phone. 

You’re silly. I’m in an art class. I don’t know anyone here. I found myself waiting for his next response. I know he read it, read receipts were on. I saw the message bubble pop up. It was an image.

I know a few people here. Class is boring as hell though. I smiled again, pressing on the picture and finding Madi and his brother Matt in the picture as well as someone I didn’t recognize.

Lucky, I’m all by myself. But I don’t mind it. Now, I can read in peace:) He responded fast.

I like how you just read all the time. Not many people do. It’s cool. What are you reading by the way?

I looked at the book, now closed, on my desk. I took a picture and sent it to him. 

Is that the giant book you carry everywhere with you? I didn’t know you were into poetry. I felt heat rush to my face. He noticed the book because I carried it around. He looked at me enough to realize that it was in my hand all the time. The message bubble popped up again. I sat and waited for his text to be sent.  A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Its loveliness increases, it will never. Pass into nothingness, but still will keep. A bower quiet for us, and a sleep. I looked down at the poem he sent. A poem by John Keats from 1956. A poem I was fond of. How’d he know that?

Did you google that? He took a second to respond. 

No, it may not seem like it, but I actually enjoy poetry. Reading isn’t my thing but I have a soft spot for anything poetic. 

He’s poetic, I thought to myself. I shook my head to myself softly.

Yeah, I didn’t take you as the type to like that kind of stuff. But it’s really nice to know, Chris. He sent a smiley face. I placed my phone down, thinking the conversation was over. Then, I felt my phone vibrate again on the desk. I picked it up and read the message. 

So, are you free tonight? I shut my eyes. I was off work Fridays and Sundays. I typed a quick message.

Yes, why?

Wanna hang out? I could still use some help on my calculus even though my test is next hour. Just to prepare me for the next one, yk? I felt my stomach turn a little. 

Sure, Chris. That sounds perfect. And just to let you know, I don’t have work on Fridays and Sundays. Sundays I'm usually pretty busy though. I pressed send waiting, once again. 

Ok, good. What time do you think we should do this? And where? Depending if my mom was home and how clean the house was, then definitely not my house. I didn’t want him to see how we lived. I mean we have a decent house, but it for sure isn’t a big beautiful house. 

I sent him a response after pondering for a while. I have to run to the store after school so probably not until later in the day. 5 maybe? And you can pick the place to meet at.

I made sure to put meet at so he didn’t suggest mine, or his house. 

5 is good. And how about we meet at the cafe near the library. That was a perfect answer, Chris. I needed a new book anyways so after I help him, I can go get the few books I need. 

Perfect. I’ll see you there. Or do you want me to pick you up? 

No no don't worry about that. I’ll get Matt to bring me. 

Chris and I sent a few texts back and forth. The bell rang, signaling the 4th hour was about to start. I sent him a quick, good luck on your calculus test, Chris. Just do your best and don’t stress over it. I picked up my things and made my way to my next class.

[rimunagenius]

Lucky

Pairing: Will ‘Ironhead’ Miller x F!reader , Benny Miller x Frankie Morales x Santiago Garcia x F!reader

Warning: angst! , mentions of divorce (reader and ex husband (Garrett) yes i did this on purpose) , foul language (like very derogatory terms used against reader) , and overload of Will x reader fluff!

Word count: 4.1k words!!

Summary: You found out your husband cheated, abandoned you and your guys’ baby for your bestfriend. Your best boys are their to comfort you through the nasty breakup.

Note: I absolutely loved the idea of the reader having a baby and being a single mom (mainly bc i’m not a fan of together parents [based from my experience]) because i would be able give most of the men in the movie a good ending they didn’t get other than Frankie. Frankie got his baby and the others just exist and the ending leaves very little to the imagination so i like the found family dynamic (BUT THIS IS STILL BEFORE THE EVENTS THAT OCCURED IN COLOMBIA). I also really want to explore the reader and Wills relationship further maybe? Idk lmk what you guys think.

***

Numb.

That’s how you would describe the pain you felt—couldn’t feel, as you lie on the floor of your bathroom. Your chest felt like a ton of bricks had been piled on, one after another and the weight was ruthless as you tried to intake a breath.

You didn’t know what you did, why it happened, or what went wrong that caused the feelings to change. Why her? What did she have that you didn’t?

You ran through every scenario in your head, replaying every moment and words exchanged with him. What made him so unhappy in this relationship. You had a baby with him for god sakes. It didn’t change the fact that he left both of you. You and Tatum. Your 7 month old baby.

You don’t know when you ended up on the floor, when you decided that it was all too much that you took solace in the one area you haven’t cleaned in 2 weeks. It was gross. You were gross—felt gross. You couldn’t remember anything that happened in the last 72 hours other than getting up to feed your baby and go to the bathroom on a continuous cycle. You had ignored everyone’s calls. Either sending them straight to voicemail or just listening to the phone ring.

Frankie called and asked why you, your husband—soon to be ex husband, and Tatum missed the cookout Friday night. Benny calling because you missed his fight, the one you promised you’d make this time, the one they had the celebratory cookout for. Santi had the same reason as Frankie. Everyone was worried sick. You haven’t responded to any text and calls and that was unlikely behavior on your part.

Will didn’t know what to do. He had called and texted, a numerous amount of times. He even showed up to your house, knocking and waiting by the door for almost an hour when the guys called him and said you hadn’t responded to them either.

Will was your best friend. You’ve known him just as long as Benny. The Millers being your bestfriends since you were kids. They introduced you to their friends once they all decided to leave the Army. You soon became apart of their found family.

But Will, your the closest to. You were the same age, leaving an age gap to the youngest Miller, that’s why you got along and closer to Will; but you didn’t love and adore Benny any less. As all the guys’ failed attempts at trying to figure out what was going on, you just repeated the same endless cycle.

Get up. Feed the baby. Change the baby. Bathe the baby. Go to the bathroom. Put baby to sleep. Wallow in self pitty. Go to sleep. Get up. Feed the baby. Change the baby. Bathe the baby. Go to the bathroom. Put baby to sleep. Wallow in self pitty. Go to sleep. All day for the last three days.

So you lay there, on the bathroom floor, Tatum asleep in her bouncer right next to you. You brought her in here when you had to leave the room to vomit as you couldn’t handle being you. You being so sick of yourself since it was was easy for him, your husband of 4 years, boyfriend of 6, to leave—cheat on you like all those memories, the baby you both made together, was nothing.

You decided to jump in the shower, not having showered in days. The warm water felt good on your skin, refreshing. All you could do was stand there. Enjoy the water washing away the sweat, tears, touch of everything you’ve experienced in the last 2 weeks. Washing away his touch. The lingering cheek kiss, side waist hug as he was leaving for ‘lunch with his boss’ so they could ‘talk about a promotion.’

You bet sex with Samantha, talking about him leaving to move in and to continue having a relationship while breaking the heart of the one they both were supposed to love most was fan-fucking-tastic.

As you finished washing your hair and body, even shaving your legs because you needed to feel clean, new, Tatum cried. Hopping out you wrapped your towel around yourself and bent down to place her pacifier back in her mouth. Her cries dying slowly and her eyes lulled to a close again.

Picking up the bouncer you walked back to your room, and put on your sleep shorts and oversized T shirt and took Tatum to the living room. Setting her in her bassinet that you bought last week for the living room, you grabbed the throw blanket that was on the couch and cover your legs as the TV played ‘Love Island’.

Wow, great choice for a time like this. God really loves me today, doesn’t he? You couldn’t help but let the tears that were in a relentless battle with your self control, roll down your face. It was just so hard to let go of all the memories. The years that you spent loving the man that you thought was the love of your life, but ended up being the love of your ex bestfriends’.

Brushing your hair behind your ears, a knock at your door interrupted your tears. Sighing, grateful you had closed the blinds and your car had been parked in the garage, so it wasn’t noticeable that you were home, you sat and waiting for whoever thought you were home, would give up and go home. You should’ve known better.

After ten minutes, the knocking continued and you growing annoyed, got up to answer. Your wet hair, dampening your shirt as you totally disregarded putting it up. “What the fuck, man.” You said as you approached the door, hoping whoever was there, heard.

You have a shocked look across your face as you find Frankie standing at your door, flowers and chocolates in hand. You sigh, a sad smile reaching your lips as you reach up to hug your best friend. “Hi, Frankie.” Tears fell down your face and Frankie was already worried but seeing the disheveled look you had and the sadness in your usually happy-lit eyes, his smile and emotions dropped. Seeing you sad made him sad.

He hugged you back, tighter and just held you. Didn’t ask any questions. As you let go you took the flowers and allowed him inside, but as you were shutting the door, three more people came barreling towards you.

“Wait, we’re here too.” Benny.

“Wait don’t close it, cariño.” Santi.

“We came too.” Will.

You fought the tears as you tried to smile as your boys flowed through the door as you let them. “Just be quiet, Tatum hasn’t been sleeping well.” As if on cue, Tatum started crying. That’s when you snapped. All the small tears and sniffles turned into loud sobs as the cycle began all over again.

You shut and locked the door before pushing past the guys, who all watched you in sadness as you couldn’t stop sobbing as you picked up your daughter and just held her as you wished she would just stay asleep. “Lemme take her from you. Uncle Benny has missed his partner in crime.” Benny walked over, taking off his hat and setting it on the coffee table, and swooped Tatum out of your arms.

You sighed as you sat on the couch and rested your head in your hands. It was so overwhelming, all of it.

“What happened, cariño.” Santi asked as he sat in the love seat in your living room. His question only prompted more tears and cries. You couldn’t hold it in anymore. You spent the last three days numb because you had to be strong for Tatum. You couldn’t let yourself spiral. Now that the guys were here, you couldn’t help it.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay, sweetheart. Just breathe.” Will kneeled infront of you, removing your hands from your face, replacing one with a hand of his own against one of your cheeks.

“He left.” Was all you could say. Croak, actually. You couldn’t speak as more sobs threatened to tear from your throat.

“Who? Garret?” Frankie asked, already having a strong idea as to what went down. He never liked Garret, never trusted him either. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t already mad.

“Yeah. He went out for lunch ‘with his boss to talk about some promotion at the firm’, but he actually met up with Samantha.” You wiped the tears from your eyes. Meaning to put air quotes around the words, confirming Frankie’s suspicions. You sniffled, grimacing at the sound as you were super congested from the crying you’ve been doing for the last 72 hours. It was fucken awful.

“That fucken bastard.” Benny and Santiago said together.

“He was a piece of shit, anyways.” Will mumbled as he pulled your head into his shoulder as he hugged you, remaining on his knees infront of you.

“I never liked him. Just thought i’d say that up front right now.” Frankie raised his hand.

“He didn’t even come back. He hasn’t come back and I sure as hell hope he doesn’t for the sake of him wanting to keep his manhood.” You sighed into Wills shoulder, eliciting a chuckled from the guys, including you. Surprisingly. “I found out by Samanthas roommate Nina, who by the way knew they had been fucking for 2 months now. She only told me because her and Sam got into an argument about the rent like a week ago. Samantha has been texting me non-stop about how sorry she is but he hasn’t messaged me once.” You pulled away from Will and looked at all the guys in the room. You were so grateful for these men. Your safe place, your support system, your home when yours didn’t feel like it anymore.

“Good. Cause if he calls, he’s not gonna hear the end of it from the Millers, and won’t be able to cheat on anyone when me and Frankie are done with him. Shit, he won’t be alive once the Millers jump in.” Santiago said as he turned his attention to the TV, noticing the Love Island playing. Turning the TV off immediately, not thinking it suit the moment.

You smiled softly, your sad smile returning as you wiped the stray tears. “Hi, baby! How’s my favorite niece!” You heard Benny as he was suddenly made aware of Tatums awake state as she grabbed at his stubble. She loved touching all the guys facial hair. You never understood it but whenever one of them was holding her, her hand was always on their face.

“Hey, dickhead! She’s not the only niece you have.” Frankie reminded Benny of his own kid, earning a groan from Benny.

“Dude she’s not even born yet. When she is, they’ll both be my favorite princesses in the world. Fun Uncle Benny is gonna be their favorite.”

Frankie nodded his head, rolling his eyes at Benny’s save. The room went silent as your phone rang, and the picture and called ID was on display to everyone.

“Fuck no.” Benny immediately said. “Shit! Aw damn! Jeez, sorry.” He immediately apologized for his language. Aware how you felt about the guys cursing around Tatum.

“Don’t answer it.” Will said, as you picked up your phone. All the guys protested but you didn’t care. You answered.

“What?” Your sadness immediately being replaced by anger and betrayal as he just now decided to call.

“What the fuck is your problem!? Your ignoring Sammy? She didn’t do anything to you.” Garret yelled over the phone at you.

What a fucken idiot.

“Im sorry, WHAT!? Your going to call me to bitch and moan about how im ignoring the woman you cheated on me with!? Your unbelievable.” You got up, all the men stood up with you.

“Im unbelievable!? Your just a self centered bitch who didn’t see that I was unhappy in our marriage! Jesus Christ! You were so fucking boring,” Garret said your name with such distaste and anger. It shocked you. Suddenly you didn’t feel mad, you felt sad and worthless again. The boys didn’t waste no time in jumping in.

“Hey, man. Watch your damn mouth.” Will said from next to you. The calmness in his voice was scary. It always was. The way he stayed calm during duress situations was scarier than him yelling.

“Mhnmhn.” Frankie shook his head from where he was standing.

“Earmuffs Tatum. Im gonna fucking kill him.” Benny whispered looking up. No matter how little Benny was, growing up, he protected you—tried to, whenever someone gave you a hard time. He’s done it all his life, and this time was no different. Even with your daughter in his arms.

“Dear god.” Santi rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“Oh, what? You have your little bitch dogs with you. I bet your banging all of them, you fucken slut. You always had the hots for Will. Your a whore. This is why I cheated in the first place.” Garret yelled through the phone, Samantha being heard laughing in the back.

“Get your head out of your ass and put your bitch in check. They’re here because they’re helping me take care of your daughter. You know, the one you decided to abandon the minute you fucked another woman?” You cried into the phone. You couldn’t even be angry. All you felt was sadness. Everything hurt. It hurt to cry, to speak, to breathe.

“Look, im sorry. You gotta understand that I wasn’t happy anymore. I’m sorry, baby.”

“You do not get to ‘baby’ me. Your a sad excuse for a man Garret. Jesus.” You decided you didn’t want to just rip at him, you needed to get a rip at Sammy. “Sammy, don’t be sad when you wake up one day when you don’t see Garret in bed with you. He’ll probably get bored of you too, and fuck your roommate. Hell, he’ll fuck the whole complex.” You heard a distant ‘Fuck you’ before you let more tears fall.

“Baby, im sorry.”

“Garret, stop calling me that. We’re done. You don’t get to be nice and ‘baby’ your way out of this. You just finished calling me a slut and a whore!”

“But you get to invite all your men over!? How could you do that to me?”

“How could you cheat on me with my bestfriend!?” You choked back a sob, Will wrapping his arms around your neck from behind, kissing the top of your head.

Garret said your name, just above a whisper. “I never meant to hurt you.”

Your voice soft, tired, of speaking when all you want to do is cry. You did just that, cry as you got your final words out. “It doesn’t really matter, Garret. Cause in the end it all hurts the same. I’m done. I’m done with you, your little whore and your not coming back home. Expect divorce papers at the door of your house—oh, im sorry, your mistress’ house, in two weeks. Fuck you, man!”

“Can I atleast get my-“ You didn’t give him to finish his sentence as you hung up, unleashing all your pent up rage, sadness and overall overexertion. You turned your body into Wills, allowing him to hug you as you cry into his favorite hoodie. He doesn’t even care that his forearms of his sleeves are getting damp from your still undried hair, and his chest growin damp from your tears.

Benny, Frankie, and Santiago all joined in on the hug as you just cried. They knew there was nothing they could say or do but just hold you while you let it all out.

These were your guys, and nothing would change the way you would always be grateful to them.

Your boys, your safe place, your support system, your home when yours didn’t feel like home anymore.

***

Will had made dinner for all you guys. You all sat at the table and ate together, Benny not letting go of Tatum once. She already had her uncle wrapped around her finger.

For the most part you guys ate quietly, and just talked about what you missed the last three days before apologizing that you had missed it all. None of them held it against you, understandably so. They talked about their work and what they’ve been up to and what they have going on, not touching on your situation any longer than they had to. You didn’t want ‘im sorry’s you just wanted to hang out with your friends. You didn’t want to feel sad anymore.

Not long after you all ate, you went and laid on the couch in bewteeen Will and Benny. You were leaning on Benny, curled into his side while Frankie sat on the other side of him and Will by your feet. You don’t remember much of what you were watching as you were in and out of sleep. Sleep that you haven’t been able to properly get as it was just you and Tatum. An insomniac baby is bound to catch up to you later. All you knew you had put on your favorite rom com but just didn’t remember exactly what part you were watching.

It wasn’t long before the built, muscled, and toned side of Bennys frame, turned into the soft cuddly teddy bear that was his personality. Long before you could fight the sleep until the guys left, your eyes closed and you fell asleep.

You had convinced the guys to watch your favorite rom-com. It only took you begging them quietly as Tatum fell asleep after you fed her, not wanting to wake her, and dropping the ‘hey, I just asked for a divorce against my cheating husband’ card and it was hard for them to say no to you.

Benny and Will knew that you falling asleep to this movie wasn’t uncommon. You did when it first came out when you were in middle school. The movies nights they let you pick and you’d pick this movie falling asleep around the same time, everytime. How to lose a guy in 10 days just gave you the comfort you needed whenever you felt sad or whenever you just felt like falling hopelessly inlove with the perfect love story.

“Never fails.” Benny chuckled softly, noticing your soft snores into his side.

All the guys looked over to see you knocked out, curled into a tiny ball, wrapped in the small throw blanket. This was a calming and reassuring view for all of them. They’ve never seen you like this before. Sure they have been there ever since they met you and all the old boyfriends who didn’t deserve you, but the way you were today. Sad, betrayed, and angry…was something they hope to never see again.

They love the happy you. The you that jumped up and down whenever you met them at the terminal when they were back on leave. The you that laughed at the most unfunniest jokes because everyone deserves to feel special. The you that your smile brightens up the whole damn room and any of their bad days.

They saw you finally at peace, the most peaceful you of the day. Getting the rest you deserved they all felt successful in their efforts to cheer you up any way they could.

Frankie was the first to get up, putting his hat on. “I gotta head out, my girl is waiting for me.” He hugged all his friends goodnight, stopping at you to give you a kiss on our head. Santiago got up, being that Frankie was his ride. Santiago did the same.

Benny was harder to get up. He didn’t want to disturb the little sleep you have been able to get in the last couple of days, but again, Frankie was his ride. He grabbed a throw pillow next to him, and swiftly and stealthly switched it under your head. Your soft stirring causing all the men to stop breathing and moving, not wanting to disturb you.

Once the coast was clear Benny said bye to his brother and kissed your head softly. He walked over to Tatum and kissed her soft brown hair, covering her better with her blanket.

Will decided to stay the night with you. You had agreed when you sat down to pick the movie while the other guys cleaned up the kitchen after dinner. He offered to help you with his goddaughter so you can get whatever you needed done, out of the way. You appreciated the offer and agreed with open arms to let him stay. Him saying he’ll figure the ride out tomorrow, or whenever you didn’t need his help anymore.

The guys exited the front door, the sound of the truck starting soon disappearing as they pulled out and drove away.

No matter how much Will denied it to everyone, he was a sucker for the cheesy romance movies. He wouldn’t admit it, especially to you. These were your favorite and it was his duty as your bestfriend to deny he likes whatever you like. ‘It’s because im a boy’ he always told you. You thought he was so full of shit. He sat there for twenty minutes watching the movie he’s seen over a thousand times in his lifetime. It seemed to be working whatever magic it had on you and made him so tired. You guys both seemed to swap your liveliness.

Your sleepy state didn’t last long as you opened your eyes and let them wander around the room, as much as you could see, to find the house empty but Will and Tatum.

You sat up, and yawned. “How long was I asleep for?” You look at Will, hopeful that it was enough.

“Like, thirty minutes.” He rubbed his eyes as he yawned. His yawn being a little too loud as it woke Tatum.

You were moving the blanket off of you, getting up to get your daughter when Will beat you to it. “I got her. Sit back down, sweetheart.” You nodded softly your eyes still heavy from being tired.

“When did the guys leave?” You frowned having missed them on their way out. You didn’t say thank you.

“Like twenty minutes ago,” Hey, babygirl. C’mon. I got you.” Will bent over the bassinet, looking at Tatum. He cradled her in his arms. He watched as Tatums cries soon turned into whimpers which then turned into soft cooing. He smiled at her before another yawn escaped his lips.

The movie was still playing quietly, the end almost nearing. The soft background noise pulling you into your sleepy state yet again. You closed your eyes, shoving your arms and legs under the blanket forming a small ball again. The couch dipped next to you as Will filled the space, holding your baby girl.

You didn’t think twice before moving your body the other direction, to face Will before moving closer to his side. He knew what you wanted and he lifted his arm so you can get comfortable against him.

He threw his head back, finally closing his eyes as one arm held Tatum and the other held you against his chest. You couldn’t have been more grateful for this man. You loved him with every bone in your body. You were so glad that you were able to call him your bestfriend. You can count on him when the world let you down again and again.

You looked up at him, touching the side of his face. On contact, he moved his head in your direction, smiling softly as he was met with your eyes, full of happiness again. “Will?”

“Yeah, baby?” Your breath hitched at the nickname he hasn’t used for you in years. Atleast before you met Garrett. You hoped it wasn’t noticeable. Will picked up on everything, very observant, damn you Army.

“Thank you. Your too good to us.” You whispered, looking away from his face, nestling into the crook of his neck as you watched your daughter peacefully sleep in your bestfriends arms.

“Anytime, sweetheart. Anything for my two favorite girls.” He kissed your head, resting his head back on the couch, a small smile on his face as he closed his eyes.

“I love you.” You whispered, closing your eyes too.

“I love you.”

All you could think about was how lucky you and Tatum had been to have a man like this in your life. A man who will move heaven and earth if you asked. How lucky you were to have men as good friends as the guys were to you. You couldn’t ask for a better family to help you raise your baby.

You and Tatum were so lucky.

You were both happy.

***

A/n: I would absolutely love to turn Tatum and the guys relationship into a full series of one-shots. Like little moments as she grows up. I want to create a father-daughter dynamic with Tatum and Will because like i said i want to explore Will x F!reader more!! Maybe along the lines of them growing closer as Tatum grows up because as they figure the whole parenting thing out together, they also find themselves and figure out their relationship as well.

Let me know what you think!!! It would be greatly appreciated!!