#<< Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[star-centric]

Knock, Knock

PAIRING: Adam Barrett/Frank x Gender Neutral!Reader

SUMMARY: You’re more than pissed when Frank shows up at your door step in the middle of the night, but something seems different about this visit than the previous ones. All you want is sleep- but the former detective is on a mission and doesn’t plan on leaving until he gets what he came for.

NOTE: LISTENNNNNNN- this movie has me in a chokehold BAD. Take this random (and very self-indulgent) idea that came out of nowhere but has been in my head for the last 4+ months (and I also think this may be the longest fic I’ve ever written??) Graphics by @/firefly-graphics- enjoy!!

CW: heavy suggestive themes (still not nsfw- but it’s mentioned that you and Frank used to be fwb), SPOILERS FOR THE FINAL ACT OF THE MOVIE, blood, violence, language (Frank has a potty mouth), hints of possessiveness from Frank, Reader knows his real name but Frank will still be called Frank for the sake of plot purposes (minus one time)

There’s two knocks to your front door.

A quick check on your phone shows that it’s way after midnight. Your mind is still trying to wake up when you stomp towards the door, irritation growing when there’s three more persistent knocks. You practically rip the door open, curses already lined up on your tongue-

You’re stumped when you see that it’s Frank.

The man still had his hand up mid knock, the little shock lining his face soon morphing into his usual stiff expression. “Took you long enough.”

“It’s 1 in the morning, what do you expect?” You don’t bother hiding your bitterness, eyes narrowed and hand already in position to slam the door shut in his face. But you couldn’t hide your curiosity as to why he’s here to begin with.

The last you’ve seen Frank was months ago, when you were working with him on an undercover job. He was as much as a prick then than he is now, but somehow, you grew to find him tolerable as time passed. Maybe it was because of how confident he was, never doubting himself and having a level head in the face of danger. Combine that and what how attractive he was, and you could see why you put up with him.

But you fell out of contact with him afterwards, the little messages shared between you both falling silent. You’ve thought it was for the best anyways. It was just an (occasional) hookup after all. But seeing him on your doorstep still has you shaken that he came to you.

Frank is quick to bite back at your snark with his own, “Well that’s never stopped you before.” He places his palm on the door- no doubt trying to stop you from your previous plan. He acts like he’s confused before he leans forward, whispering, “As a matter of fact, I don’t think that’s stopped you at all. Especially when you were looking for a quick fu-“

“Do you need something? Cause if you don’t, you can leave.” You interrupt him. It was no secret that you both have hooked up more than once, but you weren’t going to walk down memory lane with him about it. You don’t have to play his games- you have to get up in less than 6 hours, and you rather not have to deal with Frank being an asshole on your off time.

“As a matter of fact, I do.”

A beat of silence passed, you guarding the door with your arms crossed while Frank stood with his hands in his pockets. “So what is it?”

He gestures to the door, “What- you’re not gonna let me in?”

A petty part of you didn’t want to, instead wanting to leave him to waste his time like he was doing yours. “What’s the difference between saying it here and inside?”

“That I’m not a fucking dog for one.”

“Hm…I’m not convinced.”

Frank rolls his eyes and sighs. The flash of frustration that crosses his face is satisfying. “Look- I need to talk to you and it’s important okay? I don’t have time to waste- so can I come in or what?”

This is one of the few moments that seemed genuine coming from him, his eyes betraying his sincerity despite the displeasure dripping from his voice.

You begrudgingly step aside, heaving a sigh of your own and telling him to come in. Frank mutters something under his breath while you lock the door behind him.

“You haven’t changed much.”

“I can say the same about you.” You remark, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. “Only difference is that now you’re a real criminal instead of pretending to be one like before.”

Peeking into Frank’s files wasn’t difficult, no matter how much he tried to keep it hidden. Working in intel has its perks- seeing the once decorated detective fall into the life of crime was a little jarring, but a tiny part of you wasn’t surprised. He seemed like he played the undercover role a bit too well at time.

But he’s been off the grid for months afterwards- it was hard even for you to find a trace of the former detective (which you never did).

“What, you missed me that bad that you had to be nosy?”

“You had to know that I was gonna snoop around- it’s my job literally. And you’re the one that came to me, so you’re the one that misses me, Adam.”

Frank stepped close to you, enough that you could smell the same cologne that would be left your sheets. “You still got a mouth on you- always got something to fuckin’ say.”

His hand crawled up your neck as he spoke, a chill going down your spine. The icy touch from his hand did nothing to cool you, which was growing hotter as his fingers trailed along your skin. Frank lightly squeezed your throat, a deep jolt striking in the pit of your stomach. He leaned in closer, his lips hovering over yours.

You could pull away, tell him to forget about whatever he needed help with, kick him out and tell him to go to Hell all in one. Frank is an asshole, one that you shouldn’t be entertaining and one that you definitely shouldn’t be pining over.

Yet whatever rebuttal you had died down when you lurched forward, connecting your lips with his.

You could tell he was caught off guard when you felt his body tense up. But he soon began to relax into the kiss.

Frank has never been one to not be in control, and he was proving that now. His tongue swiped at the bottom of your lip and you didn’t hesitate to lower it. There was a battle for dominance that you would always lose against him to. He didn’t give you a chance to catch your breath- it was a battle of dominance that you would always lose to.

You didn’t realize that you made your way to the bedroom until your back hit the sheets, Frank hovering above you, his glasses already abandoned. He never broke away from you, lips traveling down your neck while his hands trailed your body, dipping lower and lower.

It was getting harder to fight your moans, not wanting to give Frank the satisfaction. The bites on your neck were sending pleasurable chills down your spine. You were sure that you’ll have marks in the morning (nothing new) but you don’t remember him being so rough-

“Ow!”

You hissed, gripping Frank’s shoulders and pushing him away. A sharp pain left your neck throbbing. You brought your fingers to it, seeing spots of crimson decorating the tips. It snapped you out of your haze, both of you sitting up.

“Jesus Frank!” You sat up, concern etched on your face. You tapped your fingers against your neck again, feeling the blood come down to your collarbone, not noticing his eyes following the trail.

You wiped at your neck, more of the crimson leaving a mark. You’re kicking yourself for inviting him in- nothing ever came good from getting involved with Frank (the sex would be the only bonus, but even then that high was just temporary). You went to grab a first aid kit, grumbling under your breath how he was able to nick you so easily when he grabbed at your wrist.

Frank didn’t pay you any mind, instead bringing your fingers- stained with your drying blood- up to his lips. He moaned, lightly dragging his tongue across your fingertips. You snatched your hand away, scooting away from him while your stomach twisted into knots.

But Frank didn’t seem deterred by your horror. He groaned, licking his lips and savoring the taste.

Frank had his kinks, but this one was new. And the look in his eyes terrified you.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” You curled your body away from his.

He didn’t answer you right away, which filled you with unease.

“Ya know, I tried to be patient with you, I really did, but after tasting that- fuck it. I don’t think I can wait any longer.”

The world spun and you found yourself pinned down on the bed again.

A scream was caught in your throat when you locked eyes with Frank- or what was suppose to be Frank.

Large, sharp protruding teeth met your sight. This had to be some sort of joke, right? A very hyper realistic dream from all of the late hours you’ve been pulling on the job.

But no matter how hard you blinked, Frank was still there on top of you, his cold hands constraining you to the bed, claws digging into your wrists.

“If you could see the look on your face.” He chuckled.

A million thoughts are running through your mind, breath catching when Frank drags a claw along your aching neck, you hissing in pain.

“I can hear your heart beating so fast from here,” he bent down, smelling and then grinning into your throat. “And I can smell it- your fear. You’re scared shitless aren’t you?” He asked, but you both already knew the answer.

You flinched, trying to hold in a whimper when he brought his tongue out again, tracing the congealed blood alongside your neck.

“What are you?” You croaked out.

“Isn’t it obvious sweetheart?” He tapped your temple with his sharpened nail. “Use that little brain of yours like you’re used to. I’m a vampire- and you got Lambert to thank for that.”

You were never a huge believer in the supernatural. Werewolves, ghosts, vampires- they couldn’t exist. It shouldn’t. Yet here Frank stood, making a quick believer out of you.

“What do you want from me?”

“Those fuckers back at the mansion gave me a good idea that I should get my own little puppet- and I decided that it should be you.”

The pit in your stomach deepened.

You didn’t know what that would mean for you, and you didn’t want to find out. You needed to break free from this monster. You snapped out of your thoughts when Frank let out a laugh.

“I can see those gears turning in your head- you really think I’m giving you a choice?” He flashed a wolffish smile filled with teeth. “You don’t have a fuckin’ chance.”

As much as your fear was threatening to consume you, you didn’t want to give up. Death would be better than becoming a pawn for this beast.

“Fuck you.” You gritted out.

He grinned once more, making a show of licking his teeth.

“I’m gonna have fun making you mine.”

You kept struggling to get out of his hold, kneeing him in his groin hard as you rolled off the bed. You heard him curse as you made a beeline to the door, only to get yanked back by Frank.

“Really? That’s all you got?” He sounded less than amused. “Gotta do better than that.”

He sent you flying in the air, a choked gasp escaping you as your body collided with the wall. The move left you dizzy as Frank blocked the door, your steps a bit wobbly- then through your fear you remembered.

You dug through the drawer for your gun. It was a small, police-issued handgun. You never thought that you would have to use it, so you didn’t have a lot of ammo to spare. If you could just get one good shot on Frank, then this nightmare could be over. Even if he wasn’t dead, you could get away.

You didn’t have a concrete plan.

Your hands shook as you loaded it, and even more when you aimed it at him.

Frank opened his mouth, ready to mock you some more when you pulled the trigger.

The shot rung in your ears as you saw him stumble back, crimson flowing down his forehead. He fell back on the floor, and the breath you didn’t know you were holding was shakily released.

You’ve never had to kill someone before- always trained to do everything behind the scenes. But with Frank, he needed to die. It was clear that you wouldn’t be left unscathed if you hadn’t shot.

Your skin crawled at the thought of going near his body, but you needed to make sure that he was dead. Another headshot would put you more at ease before you escaped for good-

“Shit- you’re a better shot than I remember.”

Your knees felt weak and your stomach dropped as Frank sat up, wiping the trail of blood from his forehead, any trace of the injury gone. No blood, no bullet wound, nothing. Like he wasn’t ever shot to begin with.

Uncontrollable shivers ran throughout your body as Frank made his way towards you. You aimed your gun and shot more rounds into him, but he didn’t even seem phased.

Your breathing grew heavy as the gun clicked empty.

“That’s enough of that-“ he grabbed the gun, tearing it from your hands and flinging you along with the weapon across the room. Your head and back crashed against the vanity, breaking the mirror into pieces in mere seconds.

Your vision was blurring as the glass came down, some pieces slicing your skin. Frank came to stand over you, tsking as he picked up a shard.

You tried to crawl to the gun, pieces of glass burying themselves in your hands and knees. Before you could utter a word, a searing, white hot pain shot through you. You didn’t realize how loud you were screeching until he ripped the shard out of your side, stained with crimson.

He flipped and crouched over you, nodding his head and admiring his work. “It was fun while it lasted, but it’s about time I get what I came for.”

You wheezed, weakly trying to push him away as he kept you pinned down with one hand. Your back was drenched from sweat and blood pooling out of your side.

Everything felt so foggy- you felt numb, and the longer you laid on the floor, the more your eyes were fighting to stay open. You wanted to sleep, still holding onto the childlike belief that this was just a bad dream.

But that thought was shattered when Frank pulled you up and bit you.

The pain was excruciating. A scream ripped out of you, trying to claw, push- everything in your power to break free. But you were physically drained, forced to hear the disgusting slurping of your own blood.

Your mind was cloudy as what felt like minutes went by. Frank finally pulled away, dropping you back on the floor unceremoniously. You lifted your trembling hand to your neck, while Frank watched on with a bloodied smirk.

The broken reflection from the shards on the floor showed you how gnarly the bite looked. Your skin was starting to bruise, deep shades already forming on your skin. Your stomach was turning more when Frank started to chuckle.

You were scared to ask him what he’s laughing for, whatever reasoning bound to fill you with more misery.

You stared on in horror when the bite disappeared.

“What did you do to me?” You whispered, wiping your finger over where the bite was. The area throbbed, but nothing was there. The bruising remained, but the teeth marks were gone.

Your wide eyes locked with his, your voice rising, “What did you to me?!”

“Exactly what I told you. Making you my puppet.”

You were on the brink of hyperventilating, ready to curse and cry out all at once when you suddenly stopped. Any words that would have been said were caught in your throat. The words you tried to force came out choked, only wheezes and short breaths escaping.

“Now that’s more like it.” Tears were forming in your eyes, but you still couldn’t cry out. Your mind was racing, heart about to beat out of your chest when everything went blank.

The horror marking your face was gone, hands falling to your side as you kneeled. Frank stood over you, nudging your form.

You didn’t even budge.

“That fuckin’ freak was onto something when she turned that kid into her puppet.” He grabbed at your face, you still motionless.

Tears streaked down your cheeks, Frank mockingly cooing at you. “It’s too late for tears now.” He bent down to your neck, leaning in close. You couldn’t even flinch.

“Tell me- who do you belong to?”

You had no control over yourself anymore. You were just a passenger in your own body, watching helplessly as words you didn’t choose to say came out.

“I belong to you Frank.”

“Say it again.” He growled.

“I belong to you, Frank.” Your monotone voice filled the room.

He nodded his head once more, commanding you to stand up, which you did without dispute. “If you behave, I’ll think about fully turnin’ you when we get home. Didn’t want to do it too early- I want to make sure I can savor all the fun I can have with you.” He spoke nonchalantly, adjusting his glasses.“But it’s not like you have a choice either way.”

You just stood there blankly, silent tears rolling down your cheek.

Frank ordered you to grab your keys, saying that you had a few stops to make before he could make his decision.

“But for now- let’s start having some real fun.”

[castle-of-ruin]

Reacher Comes to Visit 1

A/N: Well, here I am again. Dipping my feet into the waters of posting content on Tumblr again. This time, it's for my beloved Reacher. A character that I have grown ridiculously attached to thanks to Alan Ritchson 🤭. This story is based very loosely on the contents of the show but does not actually tie into the show. All things that happen in this story are strictly made up. Big shoutout to @quaritchscupquake and @cryingwriter, convincing me to post this.

Pairing: Jack Reacher x f!reader

Rating: 18+ MDNI

Warnings: Mutual pining? Size kink if you squint? Reacher being Reacher. This part is pretty tame. Mentions of food and injury. Character has a nickname, but not too many defining characteristics.

A/N 2: Please let me know if I miss any content warnings. I want to make sure it's properly tagged.

I do not condone the reposting of my story anywhere. DO NOT DO IT

Visual inspiration for anyone who cares. This is a very pretty gif. Thank you, @hunnam , for creating it!

The tv plays softly in the background as you float around your home cleaning up as you go. It was your favorite movie, one you have been watching since you were a little kid. The musical soundtrack was by far one of the best you have ever heard. Even now as an adult, you found so much joy and comfort in the movie and its music. Your night is rudely interrupted when a loud knock resounds off the walls of your house. Jumping, you grab your remote and pause the movie. Tilting your head, you make your way to the front door, you were not expecting any visitors.

Opening the door you freeze, heating finding its way into every part of your body. None other than Jack Reacher was standing opposite you beaten and bloody, however, this time he had friends. Two years ago Reacher saved your life: twice. Then the two of you spent one hell of a weekend together, and then he left, and you had not heard from him in two years. For him to be on your front porch unannounced after two years made you feel something you didn’t expect. You were mad at him, but part of you understood that is who Reacher was, a drifter moving place to place no one and nothing holding him down.

You stare up at the large man unable to form any words. Neagley, you remember her from before, steps forward and gives you a tight smile.

“Sorry to show up unannounced, Hawk,” She references the nickname she gave you. “We ran into some trouble and need a safe place to lay low for the night.” Neagley, as usual, is straight and to the point.

This was something you appreciate about her. Taking in the tired faces of the two other members of their group you let out a deep sigh and move to the side motioning them in.

You stand in the doorway leading to the living room and watch as three of them settle into your house comfortably. Reacher stands on the opposite side of the room and watches you.

“This is O’Donnell and Dixon, two of our old team mates.” Neagley speaks up, breaking the silence.

“Nice to meet you both.” You tell them with a small smile.

“Why does Neagley call you Hawk?” O’Donnell asks.

“She’s observant.” Reacher pipes in, folding his arms over his broad chest as he leans against the wall.

You avert your eyes from his stare, turning your head down towards the floor.

“I only have one extra bedroom. You can fight over who gets it. Make yourselves comfortable. I’ll go get some pillows and extra blankets,” You pause as you look over them. “I can also run to the store and grab some robes for you all to wear so I can wash your clothes. If that is something you are interested in.” You finish looking at each of them individually.

“That sounds amazing. Thank you.” Dixon speaks up first. O’Donnell nods his head softly and settles deeper into the couch.

“That would be great, Hawk, thank you.” Neagley states.

Nodding you make your way out of the living room and back towards the front door where you grab your purse and keys before heading out the door. Leaving strangers in your house probably wasn’t the best of ideas, but you knew Reacher and Neagley. You knew they were safe.

Your trip to the store was rather quick, you try not to draw attention to yourself, but it was hard when you were getting four bathrobes all in a different size. You just smile awkwardly at the cashier who checks you out. Speeding home you mentally prepare yourself for the night to come.

When you make your way back into the house all four of them turn to look at you.

“Okay, each of you can have a hot shower, then bring me your clothes and once I have them all I will throw them in the wash for all of you. Anyone hungry?” You ask.

“I am,” Reacher shrugs. You nod and look at the others who nod in unison. This wasn’t a talkative bunch which you were thankful for.

“Okay, decide the order for showers and I will get started on food. The robes are in this bag.” You instruct, dropping the bag on the vacant chair.

You head to the kitchen and prepare dinner for the four of them, you had eaten earlier that night and were not hungry. The room suddenly felt smaller and you knew who was there with you.

“You look good.” He tells you quietly coming up behind you.

You close your eyes as a shiver runs the length of your spine. Even after all this time he was still imprinted in your senses. Turning, you lean against the counter and look up at him. Taking in the wet patch on his left side, which you assumed was blood, and the bruise under his left eye.

“You look like hell.” Your words have a smile pulling at Reacher’s lips.

He doesn’t say anything else after that, just shakes his head and leaves the kitchen. After some time food is ready and three out of four of them have showered.

“Okay, food is ready, come eat.” You instruct, smiling as you watch all four of them eagerly make their way to the dining room to eat.

“Thank you!” Dixon yells.

“Yeah, thanks this is good food.” O’Donnell nods.

You smile at them and nod your head. “It’s my pleasure. I will be in my room if anyone needs me. Just knock.” You tell them, excusing yourself to your room.

Flopping on the bed you stare up at the ceiling. Memories from two years ago running freely in your head. A quiet knock pulls you out of your thoughts. Looking to the door you see Reacher standing there. Sitting up you tilt your head.

“Everything okay?” You ask.

“Yeah, you said if anyone needed you just knock. I knocked.” He shrugs, and you stifle a laugh.

“Well, you’re the reason I can not start the load of laundry. Get it together Reacher.” You tease.

“Right, I’ll be back.” He states and leaves.

You shake your head and let out a groan. He was going to be the death of you. There weren’t many people in this world who consumed your thoughts freely, but he did ever since he saved your life, and fucked you better than any man ever had. You shake your head, now probably wasn’t the best time to think about that.

Not long after Reacher had left another quiet knock could be heard. When he enters your room he takes up the doorway with his large frame. You take in the way the dark robe holds on for dear life, like it was on the verge of ripping as it stretched thin over his broad shoulders.

“Everything is in your laundry room and ready for you.” He states.

Getting up you nod. “Okay, thank you. That robe is holding on for dear life.” You can’t contain the giggle that bubbles up in your chest.

He looks down at the robe. “I think they left me the smallest one on purpose.” He grumbles. You giggle again and he gives you a dirty look.

“I’ll be right back. Gonna go start the load.” You tell him.

"Is it okay for me to stay here?” He asks.

You look at him for a moment. “Yes.”

Going out you make your way to the laundry room and throw all of the clothes into the wash and start it. You poke your head into the living room on the way back where the others are still sitting talking quietly amongst themselves.

“Hey, once the washer beeps, one of you can put the clothes in the dryer. I’ll be in my room if you need me. Goodnight.” You tell them.

Entering your room you smile upon seeing Reacher asleep on your bed. He made your queen size bed appear small and you chuckle to yourself at that. Going over to your dresser you pull pjs out of your drawer and go into the adjacent bathroom. Closing the door softly you strip and turn the water on. A quiet sigh passes your lips as the water bears down on your back. After your shower you get dressed and head back out into your bedroom. Reacher is awake now and watches as you exit a cloud of steam pouring out behind you.

You get into bed and lay on your side looking over at Reacher. He turns so he is facing you.

“Two years is a long time.” You whisper, reaching out and hovering your hand over his arm. You weren’t sure if you should touch him.

He answers your internal question by grabbing your right hand with his right and guiding it to his shoulder. The fabric is soft beneath your fingers, but part of you wished it was his skin you were touching.

“I know, I’m sorry we didn’t call first before just showing up. I knew you were safe and just brought them here.” He reaches out and grabs your hip, pulling you closer.

“Not tonight. You need to sleep. Something tells me your life is about to be in danger, again. See it as an incentive to come back alive.” You tell him, placing your hand on his somewhat exposed chest. Enjoying the warmth that fills your fingertips.

“Can I kiss you? Just once?” He asks, cupping your cheek softly in his large hand.

You nod and close your eyes. His lips are warm against yours, and just like you remembered, soft, yet rough. The kiss was short, sweet, and full of an unspoken promise. He pulls you into him and tucks you into his side beneath the covers. You find yourself snuggling into him and closing your eyes. The warmth from his body spreads through you.

“Goodnight, Reacher.”

“Goodnight, Hawk.” You smile at him using the nickname as well.

Tomorrow, things will surely be different. Tomorrow, the threat was to be dealt with. Tomorrow, the outcome was unknown.

Uh, I'm gonna tag some folks. Maybe you'll like to see it :)

@obiknights @a-reader-and-a-writer @chelseasdagger @gemstone-roses @cryingwriter @quaritchscupquake @supernaturaldawning @xxidontwikeitxx @spnshortcake

[the-boy-meets-evil]

take my hands (we can fall together) | lee chan | pt 3

(where you and chan are friends, but he's your brother's best friend. and you've always been just a little out of reach. until one season changes everything.) pairing: brother's best friend!chan (dino) x f!reader genre: friends to ??, pining, slow burn | fluff, angst, smut rating: explicit warnings/notes: mentions of unhealthy relationships (reader x boyfriend), mentions of food, mentions of drinking/alcohol, friendsgiving, chan is having a crisis, explicit smut in this part, kissing, body appreciation, fingering (f. receiving), oral sex (f. receiving), face sitting, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, protected sex (p in v), aftercare, chan is a tease, chan calls reader baby one time, i think that's it but let me know if it's not word count: ~9.2k (full fic is roughly 23.5k) notes on the characters: anyone used as a background character is meant to be an OC, i'm just lazy with coming up with names a/n: SHE'S DONE! i cannot believe that (not me sticking to a timeline). huge thanks to @svthub for hosting this fall collab. check out the full list of fics here. make sure you go back and read parts 1 & 2 for context. this is the last one 😭 (unless i return for a drabble/timestamp). also thank you to my bby indi for creating an amazing banner @classicscreations.

tagging: @christinewithluv @aaniag @dejavernon @tbzhub @bitchlessdino @seungkwansphd

part 2 | masterlist

Even though he feels a bit weird about it, Chan makes good on his promise to Carla and they reschedule. Instead of going out to a too-loud bar, Chan suggests a favorite restaurant of his. Some place with good food and a better atmosphere. The perfect place to try and get to know his date on a real level. Not only is she beautiful and genuinely interested in him, she’s kind, easy to talk to, and surprisingly funny. The perfect person to finally move onto a healthier, strictly friendly relationship with you.

Everything about the date goes even more smoothly than he expects. Despite how open she is while texting, Chan’s surprised to find how engaged she is in person. It’s like nothing and nobody else exists apart from the two of them. She talks openly about liking him, too, because she says she doesn’t see the point of dancing around things, playing some kind of game. Life is too short not to tell someone how she feels. There’s a warmth in hearing that, like something dormant being awoken. It’s not like his other feelings completely disappear, but it’s nice to have that kind of connection.

At the end of the date, they walk out together and Chan grabs her hand without thinking twice about it. She stops him just outside the restaurant to pull him towards her for a kiss. Maybe it doesn’t make him see stars or anything insane like in the movies, but it’s nice. Her lips are soft against his and seem to just kiss away any worries. It really has been the best date he’s been on in a long time. So much so that he considers coming up for a drink when Carla invites him. There’s just a little something in the back of his mind holding him back and so he politely declines. He reasons it away that he’s got Friendsgiving the next day. It’s been a great date, but he’s definitely not ready to bring Carla to meet his friends. It’s only been one actual date. Even if they have been texting a lot.

Chan is up a little early the next day because he needs to run to the store to get some drinks before making his way to Seokmin’s house. That’s been their go-to place for bigger gatherings like this since he bought it because it’s got the most space. Last he heard, there were fifteen people coming for Friendsgiving. He’s also got to pick up Jay and Vernon on the way there so there aren’t too many cars. Jay should’ve been helping him pick up drinks. But, no. He crashed at Vernon’s. Which isn’t entirely surprising since Vernon’s new game is at the beta-testing stage and Jay’s always been the number one tester. It’s more than mildly concerning to see his two friends smirking when they get in the car, though.

“What?” Chan prompts.

“How was your date last night?” Vernon asks.

“Yeah, are we going to have to set an extra place at the table?” Jay adds on. 

“What are you talking about?” Chan questions.

“You went on a date last night, right?” Jay presses. 

“You know I did,” Chan confirms. “We live together.”

“And you took her to that restaurant we love,” Jay carries on.

“Yeah,” Chan says slowly, drawing the word out.

“Oh, cut him some slack. I guess you were so caught up in the date that you entirely missed that some of our friends were there too,” Vernon says and laughs at Chan’s face. “Yeah Jiyeon texted me laughing about how she tried to get your attention and you didn’t even notice.”

“Oh shit, I’ll have to apologize to her,” Chan says. 

“She was with Mina, Lisa, and my sister too,” Jay adds on. 

“They were all there?” Chan worries. 

“Yeah, I think it was my sister’s idea. A little bit of a girl’s night for whoever was free,” Jay says. “Rude of them not to invite us. But clearly you were busy.”

“So are we going to be seeing her today?” Vernon asks. 

“It was one date,” Chan deflects.

“One date that you kissed and then left with,” Jay adds on. Chan whips his head over to look at his best friend.

“Sorry, Ji had a lot to say about it. You know how she is,” Vernon shrugs. “And Jay wasn’t sharing the game so I had a lot of time to text her.”

“Great,” Chan says. 

“Hey, that’s a compliment! I stayed up playing a game and crashed on a couch, for you,” Jay complains.

The two of them carry on bickering while Chan’s head is a million miles away. Not exactly what he’s prepared for or expecting walking into Seokmin’s house. At least he knows ahead of time. For all the times Jay’s a pain in the ass, which is basically any time he’s breathing, he’s a loyal friend. He might be ribbing Chan for being so oblivious now, but he’s also giving him time to prepare before he walks in because Jiyeon is going to give it way worse. So, Chan takes the rest of the drive to figure out how he’s going to say. 

It’s hard, though, because entirely too much of his brain focuses on the fact that you were there, too. Something Jay kind of glosses over, probably trying to take the focus off. He’s never called Chan on it, but he’s known how his friend feels for a long time. You were there and you saw his whole date. Saw the way he was caught up. Saw the way he left with Carla. Saw the kiss. Saw everything. Because you were with Jiyeon and she would have been doing a live commentary. That’s just who she is. Not in a malicious way, she just hates being ignored. It’s stupid to be caught up on what you thought. He’s moving on. That’s what the date with Carla was supposed to do and he knows he can’t just live in this perpetual state of caring about you. Not when you’re in the middle of putting your heart back together. Not when you haven’t shown any interest. Not when you straight up said Chan was just a friend. 

He’s barely through the door before Jiyeon is harassing him. “So, what, you go on a date with someone you barely know and you just forget we’ve been friends for literal years?”

“Easy, Ji, I didn’t see you,” Chan repeats. 

“Well obviously,” she retorts.

“Did you call my name? Or send me a text to be like hey, over here?” Chan fires back. Fighting fire with fire is the only thing she responds to.

“No, you were too wrapped up in your little date,” Jiyeon answers like it’s obvious.

“Maybe you didn’t really want to get my attention. Maybe you just wanted to bitch today. Maybe you woke up and chose violence,” Chan says, earning an immediate eye roll. 

“Did you just call me a bitch?” Jiyeon asks with faux outrage.

“I said you wanted to bitch, I’d never call you a bitch,” he answers anyway.

“Well, where is she then?” Jiyeon asks as she makes a show of looking behind Chan.

“Carla? She’s not here. Obviously,” Chan says.

“Oooooh do you like her enough to use her name? Not just the girl you’re dating?” Jiyeon teases. 

“I hate you,” Chan utters without any bite.

“I know,” she sing-songs.

Almost involuntarily, Chan’s eyes find their way to you, looking for some kind of reaction to the whole scene. But, you’re sitting with Seokmin, like you aren’t paying attention at all. Like maybe you don’t even care. Which is good, right? Chan wanted you to leave Seungsik so that you could be happy and heal, not so that he could have a chance. Which is exactly what happened. It should be a good thing, seeing you happy. It’s just that he can’t help but feel like you don’t seem as happy as you did the day after leaving Seungsik at his aunt’s house. 

It starts as Chan thinking he’s overreacting. Throughout dinner, it becomes crystal clear that something is off. You stick close to Seokmin and Lisa, don’t even really mingle with people in the same way you do any other time everyone is together. Even with the friends you don’t get to see as often. There’s something a little dull about you, like the dimmer switch isn’t all the way on. And Chan never sees you without a drink in your hand, which is a little odd, too. Almost everyone drinks too much at Friendsgiving and then naps or sobers up before leaving. Drinking is normal. This isn’t that, though. 

The thing that hurts Chan the most is that you hardly speak to him at all. Several times, he tries to start a conversation, only to have you give short answers before excusing yourself to do something else. Or talk to someone else. Or be anywhere that Chan isn’t. That hurts on a much deeper level than any feelings he has or had for you. Over the past two months, it’s felt like you were coming to depend on him more as a genuine friend. Someone that you could turn to or be vulnerable around. More than just another person in a decent sized friend group or your younger brother’s best friend. There were even times when he wondered if he was in your inner circle. Things definitely shifted. But, whatever it was seems to have been short lived. The two of you are further apart than where you started. 

It’s not until Chan is back home at his apartment, leftovers from the meal tucked away in his fridge, and getting ready for bed that he gets answers. He’s not tired and he doesn’t want to go to sleep. All he wants is to get comfortable and watch something mindless. Jay seems to sense that something’s off and doesn’t even give him a hard time. Just lets him go off into his room and shut the door. His phone dinging catches his attention, though. 

You: today ws wierd and i hted it You: i mis m y channie 

The text catches him off guard for a lot of reasons. The first is that you’re clearly a little drunk, or maybe a little buzzed. You’re not usually such a sloppy texter. But, the much bigger reason is that you called him your Channie. You’ve called him Channie but never yours before. 

Chan: are you drunk? Chan: are you okay? You: ‘m fine You: not drunk Chan: are you home? You: no stayed at seoks Chan: good i’m glad You: do you like me

Chan stares at that message for a good minute like the words will somehow change. Does he like you? Are you asking as a friend or something more? Can he really try to get over you when you’re texting him like this?

Chan: course i do, we’re friends You: that’s not what i mean

Of all the ways the night could have gone, this was not one Chan considered. Things were definitely weird during Friendsgiving. He’s not sure how many people noticed. Jay definitely had, if him giving Chan space when they got home is any indicator. Seokmin probably noticed too, since you’re currently staying there. Before he can answer your text, his phone is going off with an incoming FaceTime. He answers without thinking.

“You answered,” you say like it’s some kind of surprise.

“Of course I did,” Chan breathes out. “What’s wrong?” 

“Do you like me, Chan?” you repeat. It’s so different watching you say it than seeing it typed. He’s trying not to focus on you sitting in bed just like he is. 

“I told you…” Chan starts and you’re shaking your head. 

“I know we’re friends, but do friends do everything you’ve done for me? Do friends go on train rides and apple picking and photoshoots and to pumpkin patches? Do friends spend an entire party not even bothering to talk to anyone else? Do friends support each other the way you’ve supported me?” You’re rambling, Definitely a little drunker than you want to admit, especially with some of your words slurring together.

“I don’t know,” Chan admits. 

You turn back and look straight into the camera. “Why didn’t you even see me last night, Chan?” 

“Well, I guess I was just…” Chan starts.

“What? Distracted? So distracted by your date that you didn’t even see me?” you ask. His heart breaks for how hurt you look. That’s the last thing he wants. 

“I’d already kinda blown her off once, over you, kind of,” Chan admits. Too honest.

“Over me?” you ask. Your eyes are wide like it’s not what you were expecting.

“I was, well I was with her when I saw Seungsik,” Chan says. “I made an excuse and left, but said I’d see her again another time.”

“Oh,” is all you say.

“Yeah, so I didn’t really want to do that to her again. She doesn’t deserve that,” Chan says quietly. 

“What about what I deserve?” you wonder.

“You know I think you deserve the entire world,” Chan insists. 

You pull your bottom lip between your teeth like you’re at war with yourself over something. “Do you think you could love her?” 

Before Chan can answer, he hears a door open and watches you turn to the side. Somewhere in the room, he hears Seokmin.

“I thought we said no drunk texting or calling or anything?” Seokmin reminds you, sounding very sober. 

“I thought you meant Seungsik,” you shrug, unashamed. Seokmin comes into the frame and sees Chan.

“Oh, hey, Chan,” Seokmin says, smile not quite as bright as Chan is used to. It’s clear that Seokmin didn’t just mean your ex.

“Hey, Seok,” Chan answers.

“I’m gonna take this and put her to bed,” Seokmin says.

“Good idea,” Chan agrees. 

Seokmin turns the camera to you. “Say goodnight to Chan.”

“Night Channie,” you call out.

“Night,” Chan answers. 

“Goodnight, Chan,” Seokmin says.

“Wait,” Chan says and watches as Seokmin’s face turns to him. “Delete the last few texts in our thread. That’s probably a better conversation to have when we’re both sober.”

Seokmin’s face relaxes and he nods, like he understands more than Chan does at the moment. Maybe he does. The entire conversation is weird and it’s leaving Chan with way more questions than answers. Why are you so curious about his feelings now? Why do his feelings for Carla matter to you? Why are you drinking like that? Did something happen with Seungsik? Are you finally processing and this is part of the grief? Why does it hurt to feel like an outsider to it all again?

The next time Chan sees you, there’s no mention of the brief FaceTime call or the texts. Things with you are somewhere between the total comfort of the party at his aunt’s house and how you were before all the Fall activities. It’s this weird limbo that he doesn’t really know how to process. It seems like nobody else really knows how to process it, either, and unfortunately, some of them are picking up on it. 

Then, there’s the issue of Carla. She hasn’t done anything wrong, but Chan also isn’t sure how he feels. On one hand, he really does think it’s best to just move on from his feelings for you because it’s all just been too much. On the other hand, it feels dishonest to keep going out with Carla when his head isn’t totally in it. But, she really is kind and she seems to understand some of his hesitation and even suggests that they do something a little more lowkey, like lunch during the work day, and that seems fine, right? Everyone has to eat lunch.

Wrong. 

Well, not about the lunch part. She picks a place that’s close by where they work, since they don’t work far apart, and Chan appreciates the slightly longer lunch. It’s a welcome break in his day and the perfect way to end the week. Carla is sweet, doesn’t push him to talk about anything he’s not ready to, though she can obviously tell there’s something. There’s a subtlety to the way she lets him know that he can talk to her about anything, no matter how awkward. And a grace when he says that he’s just not ready. She keeps all the conversation light, easy. There’s even something about it that feels a little more friendly than like a date. It’s really just an incredibly pleasant lunch.

And then comes the text. The text from you. Why on Earth did you need to send Chan a text saying you heard he went on a lunch date with the same girl from the other day? Why did you need to say that you hoped he had a good time? Why did it matter if he was spending time with someone else? It’s just kind of confusing because you’re definitely friends, but not the kind of friends that text like this. Not when it’s the first text you’ve sent to Chan since the ones he asked Seokmin to delete for you. 

So he doesn’t answer, doesn’t really know what to say. Instead he tries to make plans with Vernon to go for drinks after work. But, Vernon has other plans and Chan settles on just asking Jay. Although Jay is truly his best friend, he’s not Chan’s first choice when it’s you on his mind. Chan’s feelings for you, whatever they are, aren’t a secret to Jay, even if they’ve never talked about them. If he’s going drinking now, though, it might be too hard to keep avoiding talking about whatever he’s thinking. 

It seems initially like Jay might let Chan get away with just wanting to drink. They talk about work, about the holidays coming up, about upcoming plans. Jay mentions the big family Thanksgiving, which they’ll both be at. Chan talks about how he already feels behind on holiday shopping. They both talk about how crazy it is that Vernon’s so close to finishing one of his games. It’s just normal roommate shit. Much like lunch with Carla, everything is light and unserious. At least through the first drink. Everything changes when the bartender sets the second drink down in front of them. 

“We’ve gotta talk about it, man,” Jay finally says. 

“Talk about what?” Chan feigns ignorance.

“Whatever your feelings for my sister are,” Jay presses on, unwilling to let his best friend continue to ignore a problem. 

“Is this where you tell me that she’s fresh out of a relationship and give me some sort of speech about protecting her?” Chan asks.

“No,” Jay says simply. “She’s an adult and I’d never tell her who to date as long as she’s happy. Besides, you’re friends with her too.” 

“I really don’t know if we’re friends right now, things are weird,” Chan admits.

“Yeah, I can tell,” Jay says with a bit of a snort. 

“I went out to lunch with Carla today and then I got a text from her saying she’d heard about my lunch and hoped it was good. What am I supposed to do with that?” Chan asks, louder than he meant to.

“I don’t know,” Jay admits. “I don’t think she knows, to be honest.” 

“What do you mean?” Chan asks.

“Well, I’ll admit that I told her that you went to lunch with Carla because she’s been really weird about you since she broke it off with Seungsik. Probably before that, honestly, but it’s definitely been weird since then. I know she went to your aunt’s house the day after you told her and she confronted that asshole,” Jay says.

“Yeah, my aunt was thrilled,” Chan remembers.

“So was my sister, she said it’s one of the best times she’s had in awhile,” Jay shares.

“What did she say to you when you told her I was out to lunch?” Chan wonders.

“She just said oh good for him,” Jay says, “which I assumed meant she didn’t want me to know what she was thinking so I wouldn’t have to lie to you. I figured she was going to text you, too. Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine,” Chan brushes off. 

“Do you like her? Like actually like her?” Jay asks. 

“I don’t…I’m not sure, honestly,” Chan admits. 

“You were sure, though,” Jay presses. “I could see it in the way you looked at her. I remember thinking anyone would be lucky to have someone look at them that way.” 

“Yeah, I guess I wasn’t that subtle to anyone but her,” Chan jokes. 

“I think even she stopped being oblivious,” Jay laughs. “So what changed?” 

“I don’t know,” Chan shares. “I guess, I don’t know, it just felt like it’s been all this time and I was doing all these things with her when Seungsik didn’t want to. And I had this moment where I thought I could do things like that with her the rest of my life and be happy. But, then we were talking about him after I saw him out and she said something about how he always thought I liked her but she brushed it off. So I just kinda realized I needed to move on.” 

“Can you do that if she never knew for sure how you felt?” Jay asks. “Is it fair to either of you?”

“Is it fair to her when she’s only just gotten out of a relationship?” Chan challenges. 

“Like I said, Chan, she’s an adult. Just telling her that you have feelings for her isn’t the same as expecting her to jump right into something new,” Jay reasons. “If you love her, like I think you do, then she deserves to know that she isn’t crazy. Even if nothing happens. The only way to move forward is by being honest.”

“Love her…wait, why would she think she’s crazy?” Chan worries. 

“Because you’ve been weird too, bro. It isn’t just her,” Jay laughs. “She is going to absolutely kill me for this, but she remembers texting you and then FaceTiming you after Friendsgiving. She knows you asked Seokmin to delete the chat and dodged her question about how you felt. So, I think she thinks that she imagined you liking her.” 

“Shit,” Chan breathes out. “I was just trying to do what I thought was best.”

“I know that, but I’m not sure she does,” Jay shares. 

“Fuck it, I need shots,” Chan declares. 

He’s definitely not sober when he shows up at your apartment a few hours later. Despite Jay’s insistence that they eat something, he’s still very buzzed, bordering on the world having some blurry edges. Although Jay insisted this could wait until tomorrow, he’s still here at your doorstep. Doesn’t even look back at the Uber after he gets out. His fingers dance over the keypad to the building on autopilot because he’s been there enough times before. There’s no thought about if you’re home or what time it is. No thoughts about if you have company. All he can think is that he’s sick of this weird limbo. 

You answer the door with your hair piled on top of your head, oversized t-shirt hanging off your frame, and a look of complete surprise on your face. Whatever you see on Chan’s face makes you step aside and let him in without a word. It’s not until he feels the couch dip as you sit next to him that he really meets your eyes.

“What are you doing here, Chan?” you ask. 

“I’m sorry,” Chan whispers.

“For what?” you prompt.

“For so many things,” Chan answers. “For Seungsik, for not being a better friend, for not seeing you that night at the restaurant, for telling Seokmin to delete your texts, for not giving you a straight answer, for going on dates with someone. But mostly for falling for you when it’s the worst possible timing.”

“You’re drunk,” you say after a moment.

“A little, maybe, but that doesn’t make any of it less true,” Chan argues. 

“I want to hear all of this from you in the morning, when you’re sober,” you say. 

“Please, I don’t know if…” Chan starts.

“Come on, Channie, let’s get you to bed and we can talk in the morning,” you say. 

You stand and reach a hand to him. He’s not sure if it’s the thought behind the gesture or hearing you say Channie, but he takes your hand without questioning it. Before he knows it, he’s tucked into bed and his eyes are closing. It may be the most comfortable bed he’s ever slept in. 

The next morning, sun through the cracks in the blinds wakes Chan up and it takes him more than a moment to remember where he is. It’s only when he looks around and sees your familiar decorations everywhere that it dawns on him. Not only is he in your apartment, he’s in your bedroom. He slept in your bed last night. Somehow that realization has him feeling even worse than the slight hangover. Since life is really unfair, you walk in a minute later, looking far better than anyone should in the morning. You hand over a cup of coffee. Fighting his embarrassment, Chan sits up so he can accept it and take a sip. Of course it’s perfect. It feels like the reverse of the morning after the Halloween party.

“How are you feeling?” you ask.

“Terrible,” Chan admits ambiguously. 

“Yeah, well, that’s what you get for drinking so much. Jay said he wasn’t sure where you were putting it,” you chuckle out. You pick up your own coffee mug to take a sip.

“When did you talk to Jay?” Chan wonders.

“He was blowing up your phone and I don’t know your password so I figured he was worried about you. I texted him to say you were here and passed out and you’d text him today,” you answer. “He didn’t seem concerned once I said you were here.” 

“Yeah, well it’s not really the hangover that’s making me feel terrible,” Chan mumbles and you raise an eyebrow at him. 

“I hope I’m not making you feel terrible,” you throw out.

“No, I’m just embarrassed, really,” Chan says. 

“You don’t need to be,” you assure him, voice gentle. 

“I am so sorry for telling Seokmin to delete those messages, I thought it was the right thing to do,” Chan begins. 

“It’s fine. I’m not surprised my darling brother told you about that, though,” you say. 

“It’s not fine. I just, I don’t know, I didn’t really know what was going on and it felt a little overwhelming,” Chan says. 

“Yeah I can see that. To be fair, I’m not really sure what I was even trying to accomplish that night,” you say quietly.

“Can I try to say the things I wanted to say last night?” Chan asks. “Jay actually helped me realize some things.”

“He’s got his moments,” you laugh. “And yeah, I think I’d like to hear what you wanted to say, now that it’s morning and you’re sober.” 

“I could repeat what I said, but it really comes down to this. I like you. A lot, way more than I should and I know that it’s, like, the worst timing in the world because of Seungsik and the break up,” Chan rushes out. “I know it’s probably not fair to you to tell you now, but Jay also pointed out that I can’t really try to move on when I haven’t told you how I feel. I just, I got kinda freaked out to tell you when you said the thing about your ex thinking I liked you, but you brushing it off.” 

“Chan,” you try to interrupt.

“And, fuck, I was trying so hard to date someone and get my mind off you that I didn’t even think about it,” Chan carries on. “But the reality is that all the things we did all season long have been some of the best times of my life. I’m sorry, I know that I’m rambling.”

“Can I speak now?” you ask and Chan’s cheeks burn red. 

“Sorry,” Chan whispers.

“I like you, too,” you admit. “I’m not really sure when it happened. Maybe somewhere along the way of you just constantly being there.”

“Yeah, we’ve spent a lot of time together the last like two months,” Chan agrees. “Wait, did you say you like me, too?”

“I did and, like, we have definitely spent a lot of time together doing all the things I love to do, which maybe helped me realize, but I think it’s been there a lot longer. All this did was make me realize how you’ve been there for me for years and I didn’t see that it was more than just a friendly thing,” you say. “You probably don’t remember but back in college, that idiot broke my heart and you and Jay spent the whole weekend cheering me up. I get why Jay did it, he’s my brother, but you didn’t have to.”

“Of course I remember, that’s when I realized I had a crush on you,” Chan says softly. 

“Chan, that was like 6 years ago,” you say, nearly choking. 

“Pushing seven,” Chan admits.

“You’ve liked me all that time and I didn’t realize?” you wonder.

“Maybe not all that time, it’s not like I haven’t dated,” Chan points out. 

“Oh yes, because you’ve dated such winners,” you scoff. 

“Are you, were you jealous?” Chan teases. “You started acting weird when I went on the date with Carla and didn’t notice you or our friends.”

“I wasn’t acting weird,” you protest. 

“Yes you were, even Jay said so,” Chan counters.

“Oh whatever, you’ve liked me for seven years,” you tease with a roll of your eyes. 

“And you’ve probably liked me just as long but you’re stubborn,” Chan says.

He’s not sure where the confidence comes from now, but hearing that you like him too just makes it feel lighter. Even though there’s no telling what happens from here, it feels good to have it all out in the open. You’ve both abandoned your coffees at this point and are just sitting on the bed like it’s the most natural thing in the world. 

“I am not stubborn,” you protest. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I must be thinking of someone else,” Chan teases. 

“Must be,” you agree.

“Hey,” Chan says, more serious. “I don’t know what happens next and I know you just got out of a relationship, so there’s no pressure or…”

Chan can’t finish what he’s saying when you press your lips to his. It takes him several seconds to get over the shock, though. It doesn’t matter that you admitted to liking him, too. That’s still a big step to go from that to kissing. You’re pulling away when his brain finally connects and he kisses you back. Makes him pull you back into him so that he doesn’t miss another second of the way your lips feel against his. Makes him dig his fingers into your hips when he pulls you on top of him. You pull away to gasp and catch your breath. Let yourself get situated with a knee pressed into the mattress on either side of him. All you can do is just look at him, pupils a little blown and chest rising with each breath. Loosening his grip on you, he looks down and watches his hands slide over your thighs and back up to your hips. When he looks back at you, he finds you’re watching the movement. 

“You don’t have to be so careful, Chan, I’m not that fragile,” you utter.

“I know you’re not,” he confirms. “But, are you sure?”

“About this?” you ask and he nods. “The most sure I’ve been about anything in a long time.”

He’s about to ask you again but you just shake your head before leaning in to kiss him. You’re giving him confirmation and permission all at once. Confirmation that you want this and permission to not treat you so gently. It’s all he needs to start running his hands up across your hips and then under your shirt and up your back. Your hands move from the sides of his face to fling your arms around his neck when he presses you tighter against his body. Kissing you isn’t anything like he imagined. It’s not soft and tender. It’s a little desperate and needy, but still completely full of affection. As if testing what you said about not needing to be careful, he nips at your lower lip. The light moan shoots straight to his dick and his hands travel back down your back to your hips. Gripping you tight but also making you slightly rock against him. 

It’s not enough contact, though. Now that he’s got you like this, he just wants more. It’s almost too much when he pulls your t-shirt off and he realizes you aren’t wearing a bra. Maybe this was in your plan all along. Chan pulls back and plants a light kiss on your lips, currently pouting and a little puffy from the kisses. When he kisses across your jaw and down to your neck, you arch into it. He wants to savor this, to take his time taking you apart. Wants to coax every noise out of you. Wants to be the reason you’re completely ruined. Doesn’t know that he’s already well on the way there. 

He kisses across the top of your chest, from one collarbone to the other and you let out a small please. Probably that you need more. That’s definitely going to take time, though. When he places a feather light kiss between your breasts, you whimper again, rock your hips forward over him again. It’s everything he can do to not get too turned on too fast. It doesn’t matter if you have a million more times after this. This is the first time and he wants to savor it. Slowly, he moves his lips over to one of your breasts, flicks his tongue across your nipple a couple of times. Nips a mark into your sensitive skin and laves his tongue over to soothe the sting. Your hands are tangled in the ends of his hair that’s longer than you remember it being before. Even if you won’t admit it, he can tell you like it by the way your hands keep finding it. 

As he kisses his way back up to your lips, he moves you a little further back on his lap. Misses the confusion cross your face. But, he’s got a plan. Once he’s kissing you again, one hand slides down your inner thigh and plays with the edge of your shorts. You squirm when you realize just what he’s doing. He can’t fight the groan when he realizes you don’t have any underwear on under your shorts, either. Jesus. He has to pull back for a steadying breath. This is about you and making you feel good. He can’t get too turned on too fast. His lips find yours again and his thumb runs along your slit, inside your shorts. Collects the wetness already between your legs. You try to pull away from the kiss to moan and he uses his free hand to anchor you to him. Lightly, he spreads your lips apart so that his thumb can brush over your clit. That’s when he finally let’s you pull back. 

“Fuck,” you utter immediately.

“Is this still okay?” Chan whispers against your skin before kissing the spot just below your ear. 

“Yes,” you hiss out as his thumb continues to caress your clit. 

“You can stop it if you want,” he tells you. 

“I will kill you if you stop,” you threaten, lust heavy in your tone. 

“Wouldn’t want that now, would we?” he teases.

“Stop being such a - fuck,” you gasp out when Chan slides a finger inside you. 

“Such a what?” he prompts. 

“A tease,” you finish. “Please, Channie, you’re moving so slow.” 

Instead of answering right away, he leans in to kiss you again. Captures your moans, but doesn’t increase the slow, almost lazy speed that his finger enters you. “You in a hurry?” 

“No,” you whine, “but I need more. Please. Please just give me a little more.”

The way words fall out of your mouth, begging him to carry on, makes his dick twitch. He’s thankful you don’t seem to notice because he likes having the control like this. Likes watching you squirm on top of him and knowing it’s all for him. Gives you at least a little of what you want when he slides a second finger in. Doesn’t tell you that it’s still just warming you up for something more. Something he’s been thinking about for weeks. 

“I want to feel you, please,” you beg when Chan pulls his lips away from yours again. 

“Not yet,” he tells you.

“Why?” you whine out.

“I want to taste you first,” Chan says, fingers stilled inside of you, but thumb still lightly circling your clit. 

“Can’t we just…” you start.

“Are you gonna make me beg, baby?” Chan wonders. Your eyes widen at that, both out of surprise and desire. “I will, I have all the time in the world.” 

“N-no, you don’t need to,” you stutter out. “How do you…”

“I want you to sit on my face,” he says simply.

“What?” you nearly gasp.

“I want you to sit on my face,” he repeats. “Just straddle my face and let me show you how good I can be for you.” 

“I’ve, um, well I’ve never…” you start, turning a little shy. 

Chan takes his free hand and tilts your chin up, so gentle that he doesn’t realize the act almost breaks you. “Never had someone eat you out like that?” 

You shake your head. “I, um, haven’t actually been eaten out much.” 

“Can I admit something too, then?” he asks, wanting to make you comfortable. You nod. “I’ve been thinking about what it would feel like to be under you since you got on my shoulders at the orchard and your thighs squeezed my face.”

It’s clear that’s not what you’re expecting. It’s something so honest that it’s all you can focus on. Where Chan would usually feel too exposed, he only feels comfortable with you. Like he can expose everything about him and he’ll still be safe with you. He wants you to feel that too. Doesn’t realize that you’ve never had someone take their time with you like this. 

“Well it was kinda hot, the way you picked me up like that,” you finally admit. 

“So trust me again, I won’t let you fall,” he urges. 

You mumble something under your breath that sounds suspiciously like too late. He’s trying not to focus too much on that, too much on what happens after this. All he wants is this moment to last forever. To be able to show you just how much he cares for you.

“So how do we…” you start.

“Here, get up for a second,” he directs you, gently moving you off his lap. 

In one quick motion, he pulls his shirt off and watches the way your eyes drink him in. His muscles contract as you reach out to run a hand along his stomach. Doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath and waiting for your verdict.

“Fuck me, you’re hot. I’ve seen you swimming, have you always looked like this?” you say, sounding annoyed and making him laugh. 

“Let’s get you out of these,” Chan says instead of answering and helps you pull off your shorts. 

He leans back and makes sure that he’s comfortable. Then, he directs you to straddle his face. Urges you to trust him, Promises you that you’re not going to hurt him. Reminds you that this is about you, but it’s about him, too. He’s wondered what it would feel like to have your thighs boxing his head in. To be so caught up in you. Just as you’re about to protest, he licks a strip up your core and you gasp. He continues to run his tongue up your entrance, sliding his tongue deeper into you as he goes. You start to squirm almost immediately and he reaches up to anchor your legs on either side of his head. 

It’s honestly far better than Chan was imagining. The noises coming from you were only encouraging him to keep going. Not that he really needed any encouragement. He could drown between your legs and be the happiest he’d ever been. It was unthinkable that nobody wanted to take care of you like this before. Your arousal coated his tongue as he pressed it deeper inside you between his licks. His nose bumped against your clit and he had to grip you harder again to keep you from arching off his mouth. As if sensing that he needed you closer, you leaned forward, gripping onto the headboard. He squeezed your legs and fucked his tongue faster into your pussy. 

“Chan, fuck, oh my god, your tongue, I just - fuck,” you curse out. 

He’s good with his tongue, he knows that. Knows he’s good at a lot of things. This is different, though. Every noise sounds so much better, every body spasm is that much more rewarding, every curse sounds perfect. It’s not until your body starts quivering hard that he realizes he’s never wanted to make someone come on his tongue more than this. You must be close because you start to get more incoherent, start to try and pull yourself off him. Instead, Chan holds onto you harder.

“Please, I’m gonna come,” you whine. 

Chan pulls away from your pussy just long enough to utter a single phrase. “Then, come for me.” 

And then he’s back to burying his tongue inside you, licking faster, reaching a hand around your leg to circle your clit with his thumb again. It’s nothing but a string of curses that you utter. Clench your walls around his tongue. There’s nothing hotter than how fully you trust him as you let go, coming on his face. He times the strokes of his tongue to guide you through the high before helping you off of his face so that you can lie back on the bed and catch your breath. He wipes his mouth on the back of his hand, fully aware that he hasn’t gotten it all, and repositions to lay next to you on his side. Your eyes are closed and he can’t help but brush a piece of stray hair off your face. The tenderness at odds with the previous moments. 

“Whoa,” you finally say when you open your eyes to look at him. 

“Yeah,” he agrees.

“That was…fuck, that was good,” you admit. “I don’t want to give you a big head or anything but damn.” 

“It’s a bit late for that,” Chan jokes. “I could feel how much you enjoyed it.”

You swat at him. “Fuck off.” 

He catches your hand and presses a light kiss to your knuckles. “Not before I fuck you.”

The contrast between the kiss and the statement nearly gives you whiplash. It’s plain on your face that you’re wondering where this version of him came from. 

“Unless you changed your mind or you’re too tired,” he offers. “I just remember you saying you wanted to feel me.”

“Oh no, I definitely still want that. I seem to remember you promising to show me how good you could be for me,” you say, regaining the confidence. 

“My pleasure,” he says and gets up from the bed. 

You’re about to ask what he’s doing when he pulls his briefs and shorts down in one motion, dick springing free. There’s a satisfaction to watching the way you take in the sight of him fully naked. He’s confident in his size, definitely confident he can make you feel good, but it’s still nice to see the way your eyes go big. Nice to see the way you swallow while watching his hand move lazy along his shaft. 

“Condoms?” he asks.

“That drawer,” you indicate. 

He reaches in to get one and rips the package with his teeth. He’s watching you as he slides the latex over his dick. Watching for any signs of second thoughts. There aren’t any, but he wants to check anyway.

“You’re still sure?” he asks.

“Yes,” you confirm, meeting his eyes. “And if something changes, I’ll stop you.”

“Good, because I still wanna make you come at least two more times before I do,” he tells you.

You shudder. “You sure you can do that?” 

“Positive,” he says with a smile that’s entirely too confident. 

Except he knows he can deliver. Knows that he can show you just how good he can be. Knows that he can make you feel amazing. He directs you to lay back on the bed and spreads your legs. Instead of sliding right in, he uses a finger to make sure you’re still ready for him. To make sure he’s not rushing it. You squirm against his finger and he can tell you’re getting impatient again. But, he wasn’t kidding. He’s going to take his time with you. 

You’re still so sensitive that he brings you almost to the edge just with his fingers. Delights in the way you arch into him. In the way his name falls from your lips like a prayer. In the way your fingers dig into the sheets at first before you grip one of his arms. Before you leave scratch marks along that same arm. Before you’re begging him just to let you feel him inside of you. It’s enough to finally make him give into your begging. He lines himself up at your entrance and presses his dick in slowly. Much slower than his finger was pumping into you. He wants to let you adjust to the stretch, though. Your hands make their way to his back and your fingers run down his muscles there. Gently at first, like you’re just exploring his body. When your fingers run down his back again, this time scratching along the way, he buries himself in you and pulls back to snap once, quick. The resulting gasp is music to his ears. 

He sets a varying pace. Mixing slow with fast. Shallow pumps with deep ones. Tries to find out just what you like the best and what pulls the best sounds out of you. He leans back so he can throw one of your legs over his shoulder and hit a different angle. That seems to be the one you enjoy the most and it’s only moments before you’re coming undone around him again. He pulls out when you start to clench around him because he’s not sure that he’s strong enough to hold back through that. And he really does want to make you come more before he does. 

It carries on like that, Chan constantly changing your positions, doing more than his fair share of the work, studying every inch of your body. It’s clear that your brain is going a little mushy and that you’re insanely overstimulated. In the end, he makes you come two more times, in addition to the two previous orgasms, before he finally lets go. It’s honestly the best release he’s ever experienced. The best high and the best sex. Everything feels magnified and also like the most natural thing in the world. He finds it’s really easy to figure out the things you like and they seem to line up with things he enjoys as well. 

He lies back on the bed and you curl into him after you take a minute to recover. Actually tuck yourself right into his side and nestle in with his arm underneath your neck. He wouldn’t ever move if he didn’t have to. But, you both definitely need to get cleaned up. 

“Where are you going?” you ask when he starts to move. Your eyes look a little worried. That kind of breaks his heart because why do you look so nervous?

He leans back onto the bed and presses the softest, most gentle kiss he’s ever given anyone on your forehead. “To get a towel to clean up a bit. And I was gonna start a bath for you, I know your tub is crazy nice.”

“A bath actually sounds really amazing,” you admit.

“Just stay here then and let me take care of you,” he insists. 

You nod and lay back onto the bed, closing your eyes and smiling. It makes his heart swell at the level of comfort you seem to feel. He also knows that you and him need to talk, to figure out what’s going on and where this is heading. Knows that he’s already in way deeper than he should be. But, all he focuses on now is cleaning himself up a bit. It’s a little hard to do, so he just hops in the shower to rinse off as quickly as possible. Once he’s done with that, he focuses on getting the bath running for you. 

When he feels like the temperature is right, that the bath bomb has dissolved enough, and that it’s all completely perfect for you, he walks back into the bedroom. He expects to find you asleep. Instead, you’re sitting up with some fresh clothes next to you. 

“I heard you in the shower,” you say and offer him the clothes when you get up. You wince just slightly. 

“Sorry,” he says sheepishly. 

“I’m not,” you disagree. Chan helps you to the bathtub and helps you in. He blushes a little when you return the favor and kiss him softly on the lips. He turns around when your voice stops him. “Where are you going?”

“I was going to let you enjoy the bath,” he answers.

“I’d like it better if you stayed here,” you admit and his heart feels like it really will explode. 

“Let me just put on some clothes,” he requests.

“You could also just get in with me,” you offer. “Not in a sexual way, just in a closeness way.”

How can he argue with that, really? Your tub is plenty big enough, a sticking point for you even if the rest of the apartment was on the smaller size. The main bathroom was massive, comparatively. So he gets in carefully across from you and settles into the water. It does actually feel really nice. His eyes fall on you moving gingerly to wash yourself off. 

“C’mere,” he says, “turn around.” 

You do as he asks and settle in between his legs, with your back leaning against his chest. He picks up your loofah and takes over rubbing it carefully across your skin. You relax further against him almost immediately, which he takes as a good sign that he’s doing something right. There’s a lot he’s done or tried, but this is new territory for him. And he wants to be good at it, too. 

Once he’s finished cleaning you off, the two of you just stay like that, you leaning against his chest. It’s a comfortable silence that neither of you feels the need to break. It’s not until the water starts to feel cold that you both admit you need to get out. This time, you actually let Chan put his clothes on and you put something comfortable on as well. He helps you pull the sheets off the bed to throw them in the wash. 

The two of you check your phones when you plop down onto the living room couch and Chan grimaces. He’s got a whole bunch of texts and missed calls from Jay. Some are from last night, like you said, but some are from today, too. He shows them to you and you show him a string of notifications that look similar. 

“Time to break the bubble?” Chan asks. 

“At least for long enough that he stops having a heart attack,” you agree. 

So, Chan dials and isn’t surprised when Jay picks up on the second ring.

“What the fuck, Chan, where are you? And why isn’t my sister answering either?” Jay asks instead of a hello.

“Uh, you’re on speaker,” Chan answers. 

“Hey,” you chime in.

“You’re still over there?” Jay asks incredulously. “How much could you possibly have to talk about?” 

“Worried I’m going to steal your best friend?” you tease.

“Or are you worried I’m going to steal your sister?” Chan asks and you laugh.

“No, you’re better than literally any person she’s dated ever. By a lot,” Jay acknowledges. 

“Oh my god, you really are just missing your best friend,” you groan. 

“And my roommate, he’s my roommate too,” Jay protests.

“We have things to talk about,” you say.

“How much do you have to talk about?” Jay wonders. “He likes you, you obviously like him. What else do you need to know?” 

“That’s between us,” you say as Chan starts to talk.

“We also didn’t talk last night because I was drunk,” he adds.

“Yeah and it’s late afternoon now, so what have you been…oh my god, that’s fucking gross, that’s my sister,” Jay sputters out.

“I didn’t even say anything!” Chan protests. 

“You didn’t have to. We’re roommates, remember?” Jay answers.

“If you miss me, just say that and go,” Chan teases.

“I do miss you, I made Vernon come over earlier and it’s not the same,” Jay says.

“Hey,” they hear Vernon say in the background.

“I think I hate this already,” you say and scrunch your face.

“Sick of him already?” Jay jokes.

“No, I don’t like you liking someone I’m dating,” you disagree. 

“Dating?” Jay and Chan ask at the same time.

“Oh, well, I just figured…” you start.

“I’m hanging up on you, bro, we have things to talk about,” Chan says. 

“Fine, but just be good to her, she deserves that,” Jay says.

“Yeah, she does,” Chan agrees, eyes on you. 

He hangs up the phone and just looks at you, unsure of what to say. Unsure of how to start figuring out what this is. You just got out of something that was really unhealthy and he’s not trying to rush you into something new or risk it being unhealthy because you didn’t heal. Couldn’t stand to be a rebound. He’s never thought this far.

“I didn’t meant to assume, I just…” you start.

“Of course I want to date you. It’s just, you just got out of a relationship and I want to give you time to get over that,” he says.

“I think I’ve been over it since the train ride, to be honest,” you say. “Maybe it took me a while to realize. But you showed me, time and time again, what it means to show up for someone you love.”

“I love you, too,” Chan says softly.

“So we figure it out together?” you ask, so hopeful.

Chan leans in and presses a kiss to your lips. “Yeah, we figure it out together.”

i'm sad this is over, but it was so much fun to write! i hope you enjoyed them as much as i did. and there's a very real chance i'll return to this with future timestamps/drabbles. but who knows when because of who i am as a person!

[ethical-cain-vinnel]

NO NUT NOVEMBER WITH RORY CHARACTERS

Pairing(s): Gabriel (2014) x GN! reader, Euronymous x GN! reader, and Jack Thurlow x GN! reader

Tags/Warnings: Pure smut, penetrated reader but no mentions of which hole (so it works for anyone), sub reader for euro and jack but soft dom reader for gabe, slight varg vikernes slander cause as fine as emory is i hate the actual varg, kinda boring sorry :(

Notes: This is a collab with @icarus-star who is absolutely amazing! He’s writing for Danny Cooper, Chris Kenton, and Possum and you can find his fic here! Also, for the Euronymous part I am STRICTLY going off of Rory’s portrayal in the movie Lords of Chaos. I hope they’re not too ooc i really tried to make them accurate

GABRIEL

Okay so I have always felt that Gabe is on the asexual spectrum, specifically demisexual and/or aceflux

In other words, I think that he has little to no sexual attraction to someone he hasn’t formed a bond with. For the aceflux part, I think that he has some periods of times where he feels no sexual attraction at all and has a very low sex drive and other times where he has to go at it at least 3 times a day (and obviously times where he’s in between the two)

So, some years are easier than others and sometimes he can go for months without having to jerk off or have sex but I’m going to be talking about a month where he has a pretty high sex drive

I feel like he doesn’t often participate, but one year, you wanted to try it with him and he agreed

It is TORTURE FOR HIM

Poor boy is so pent up because in the last few weeks of October, his sex drive started to get higher again :(

Within the first few days, he’s so whiney and pent up and all he wants to do is hold your hand and kiss you as you two make love

I think for this year’s no nut november, he lasts a week MAYBE two before hes whining and telling you that you won

He’s so teary when he finally gets inside you and he cums almost as soon as you start moving

He needs you to take control because he gets fucked dumb so quickly

Overall, he doesn’t last long but the sex afterward makes it worth it

EURONYMOUS/ØYSTEIN AARSETH

He usually doesn’t care about no nut november, but stupid varg brought it up to the rest of the inner circle so now they’re all doing it.

On Halloween, he fucks you until you’re both overstimulated and passed out to hopefully make this easier for you both

He goes into it pretty cocky, thinking he’ll win the prize that the inner circle decided on

And he does pretty well

Until midway into week 2

Euro has a VERY high sex drive. Like at least 5-6 times a week but thats on a bad week

He could barely sleep in the same bed as you, your scent instantly making him pop a boner

He NEEDED to feel you again and by tuesday of the 3rd week, hes shoving you on the bed and tearing your clothes off

He fucks you so hard that you can’t walk for a few days and he has to either carry you everywhere or bring it to you

He’s pounding into you and saying the nastiest shit

He’s so mean about it but the aftercare is way better than normal

JACK THURLOW

I know that his fans (me included tbh) loves to make him out as a sex fiend but honestly, I think he has a pretty average sex drive

Out of the three characters I picked, he’s the one making it to the end

He’s only doing this cause he’s curious to see if it does anything (cough cough make him more emotional so he can write kick ass poems cough cough)

He lets you cock warm him on the last night of november

“Quit moving. Only an hour left. Be good”

Once it’s December first, you know you’ll need to call out for work in the morning.

He fucks you at his desk before taking you to the bed

He fucks you until he’s shooting blanks, and even then, he keeps going for 1-2 more rounds

The last week was really hard on him but he didn’t realize until he was back inside you

I genuinely think that he became more insufferable and aggravated without realizing it at the 2 ½ week mark

He takes care of you reaaallll well for the next couple days hehe

[sometimesraven]

how Empire of Death failed to mimic the scale of Infinity War, and what I would do differently

I'm just ranting here bc I had the thoughts and realised they were gonna go on too long for the tags of a reblog.

So I've already mentioned that the sand of death should have been the cliffhanger. The Sutekh reveal was cool and metal af, but imagine if it had gone on juuust a little longer and the credit theme rolls in just as Kate turns to dust. Imagine how much harder that would hit!

We would sit with that final image for a whole week, letting the shock and excitement build, even if we know they'd never kill both Kate and Rose and this would all be reset, the shock of the scene would still be impactful because we have time for it to truly sink in and hit us fully.

But I think the real reason Infinity War's ending hit harder than this is because we had real stakes. Thanos had been an imposing presence through the whole movie, killing or overpowering beloved and powerful characters we'd grown to see as untouchable.

Those stakes started at the literal beginning of the episode. Loki, a beloved character, is killed. The Hulk, who had literally JUST gone toe to toe with a god, is thrown aside like a toy.

The stakes remained through the story, when Gamorrah is killed, then continue all the way to the end when Vision is sacrificed only for that sacrifice to mean nothing.

Then the snap happens, some of the most beloved characters die in a slow, carefully crafted series of scenes with phenomenal acting.

And then the movie ends. We're left to sit with that for however long it takes for the finale, and even if we know most of the characters will be back it hurts because that emotion and tension and buildup comes to that horrible conclusion and leaves us to sit with it.

I'm not saying Sutekh should have killed anyone to raise the stakes. I'm saying that there was absolutely zero build-up to him within TLoRS itself, and therefore we as viewers don't truly know the stakes. The "He Who Waits" stuff was good to show us "hey, all these other gods are peanuts compared to this one", but that's about all we got.

And it's frustrating because not only has Doctor Who done this kind of high-stakes villain reveal and cliffhanger before in a much more effective way, but also IT WAS RUSSEL WHO DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.

I firmly believe the finale should have been in three parts, not two.

I don't know if this is strictly Russel's fault or if Disney's restrictions were partly to blame, but let's look at how the Series 3 (2007) finale did what the Season 1 (2024) finale tried and failed to do.

Part One

Utopia plays out much like The Legend of Ruby Sunday does: they're exploring something self-contained but eventually related to the plot (end of the universe vs ruby's mother), they meet an enigmatic stranger who will later turn out to be the villain/part of the villain (Yana vs Triad), and the episode ends with the cliffhanger of them realising there's actually a Big Bad from the past that nobody was expecting (The Master vs Sutekh).

I think in the case of a 3 part episode I would have TLoRS end with Sutekh being revealed in a way that doesn't have him at his full power yet. I'm not sure exactly how I'd execute that but it would have the same impact w. Harbinger and Susan, only without Sutekh's full manifestation at the end; maybe he appears on the screens or in that smoky form around the TARDIS. Hell, maybe he would fully manifest but just be unable to dust the universe yet. I'd maybe even have him kill Kate and Unit there but not the world, to establish how powerful this guy is. I'd maybe have Ruby be with Mel instead of the Doctor, so that she's away from this initial death wave.

Part Two

The Sound of Drums then spends time establishing who the Master is for new viewers, and the kind of relationship he has with the Doctor. The stakes slowly build, any potential help is removed, and the Doctor's final plan is foiled, leaving him captured and powerless as the Master initiates the apocalypse.

Perhaps if instead of being with Susan, the Doctor tries to take back control of the TARDIS and ends up trapped with Sutekh controlling her?

Maybe they figure out how since Wild Blue Yonder, the TARDIS has specifically been taking them to places that would empower Sutekh with more death and chaos, rather than just where the Doctor needs to be -- the Maestro, Finetime, even Boom... all that death and chaos empowering Sutekh to finally take his god-form due to the invocation of superstition making his myth reality.

Maybe at this point it would show that the deaths in Unit were just the beginning -- that through those deaths Sutekh was able to reach back to the entire family line of each member he killed: Donna + family, even Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart had been killed before his time. This would establish in the Doctor some guilt that actually makes sense -- he didn't have to turn to Unit for help with Susan and Ruby's mother, but he did, and he didn't notice something was wrong with the TARDIS even though he'd been aware of her odd behaviour of late. He unwittingly brought Sutekh to UNIT and caused their deaths, sending that final ripple of chaos and death that allows Sutekh to take his final form. And now that he's gained enough power, he can coerce the TARDIS in giving her memory to him; of everywhere she's ever landed, past present and future.

The Doctor is forced to watch from the posessed TARDIS as first the Earth, then the Universe, is slowly destroyed, believing everything to be dead, including Ruby and Mel.

Part Three

In Last of the Time Lords, we focus on the Doctor's companions gathering hope and saving the world while the Doctor is helpless.

Unbeknownst to the Doctor, Ruby and Mel have made it back to UNIT. Maybe one of them remember how vivid the TARDIS seemed in the memory room and, in a last-ditch attempt to escape, try to enter it -- discovering the Memory TARDIS within.

This is why I have Ruby and Mel still reach the Memory TARDIS. Much like the companions do on their own in the Tales of the TARDIS clips I've seen, they realise this is a TARDIS made of memories and wonder if they can use that somehow. Ruby realises, as it begins to snow and the screens inside the ship turn on, that her strange memory power is keeping the TARDIS functional, and it shows them through the screens how to fly it.

Mel suggests this all seems to connect back to Ruby somehow, and the memory TARDIS responds positively. They start to go back through Ruby's memories in summary, trying to figure out what they're missing, and realise as her memories flick through on the screen -- one of them is unfamiliar. The Roger Ap Gwilliam realisation happens as normal, they go to find the medical record of Ruby's mum, Mel is fighting posession and decides to take HERSELF out of the room to "keep watch", knowing she won't be able to fight off Sutekh for long. Just as Ruby is about to find the name, she glances back at a noise behind her -- only to see Mel approaching her.

She just barely manages to grab the still-processing screen and escape, but now she's all alone and the screen has nothing to connect to. She never got her mother's name, but the records are still on there waiting to be processed. She realises Sutekh needs the records that are here, and that if Mel reaches her and gets the memory screen from her, she might get her mother's name and give it to him. She realises her only choice is to destroy the only records of her mother she has and accept she may never find her birth mother.

We have a tender moment of her with her face buried in her knees, crying amid the dust, she's all alone and she doesn't understand anything and she was so close but everything is ruined, it's like she's cursed -- she remembers her friends questioning her bad luck, wonders if maybe it was her all along and never the goblins. She wonders if the Doctor is alive, mourns that she can't turn to him, curses him for never finding out who her mum was sooner so they could avoid all of this, begs him to come back so he can tell her what to do because she has no idea who she is without someone to guide her.

Then remembers Carla. Maybe a flashback to something Carla said to her when she was younger; some motivational line about how she's not alone, she never has been; she's got a family even if it's not the one she expected. It doesn't matter where she comes from. It doesn't matter who her birth parents are. She has a real family to save, and that includes The Doctor. She pushes to her feet, still holding the screen, and returns to the memory TARDIS alone.

Meanwhile, the Doctor is being taunted by Sutekh. His only home; his safe place has been turned into a trap of torment and even as he tries desperately to gain some kind of control over her, Sutekh recites the losses and deaths the Doctor has caused. While he shows on the TARDIS screens all the places the sands of death have touched so far, he brings up Gallifrey, and the Flux, how Sutekh prides himself on being a god of Death but honestly he could never dream up something as destructive as the Doctor.

Just as the Doctor is about to give up, he sees Ruby, defiantly approaching Sutekh in the remains of UNIT's headquarters. His eyes gleam as he looks up to the bright red glow of his posessed ship's console, relief painted all over his face.

"I'm nothing like you," he says, even as he watches Ruby intensely; as worried as he is excited, "You exist to bring death and destruction and decay to this universe, but that's not me. Death and loss have followed me a long, long way but if there's one thing I have that you don't, it's hope."

Outside, Ruby is shouting and brandishing the memory screen. "Oi! You great big god of nothing! Is this what you want?"

She smashes it. Tough, she says. Sutekh roars and tears stream down her face. She's visibly terrified, but she stands tall.

"I was so confused," she tells him, "I kept thinking: why me? What's this got to do with me? But I think-.. I-I think I know why you're so interested in my mum. I think I know why I'm still alive."

She delivers a speech about what she's seen and learned from the Doctor: what survives of us is love. She realises that Sutekh is so interested in her mum because the one thing she feels deep in her gut is that her birth mother loves her, and the one thing he can't understand is love surviving despite grief. Ruby loves her mother despite never knowing her, Ruby loves her adopted family, Ruby loves the Doctor, and love is survival and love is life.

It starts to snow as she remembers everything she possibly can; every little gesture from people she loved and lost, every story she made up about her mum, every time Carla has been there for her, every time her friends have ditched parties to come stay with her overnight because she's staying in a hotel somewhere and she's scared to be alone. Sutekh roars and is clearly weakening but it's not quite enough, and the Doctor finally manages to break free of the TARDIS as Sutekh's hold on her weakens. He reaches for Ruby, cradles her in his arms as she runs to him, kisses her on the head and tells her how brave she is and how proud he is, then pulls her to the TARDIS console.

The ship immediately takes off, trying to shake off Sutekh while Sutekh tries to shake Ruby and the Doctor out of her. They're careening through the vortex, TARDIS doors stuck wide open, and the Doctor quickly slips a Mavity glove onto Ruby's hand, yanks off a panel of the TARDIS, and presses her hand to the psychic membrane underneath. He tells her to hold on for dear life and remember everything. The TARDIS amplifies her memories, feeds that love and life straight into Sutekh, and the Doctor gives one last speech about how humanity survives over and over despite their mortality, how human love is life, how Ruby is life. As Sutekh begins to break apart, we see people start to return from the dust.

As the story comes to a close, the Doctor apologises to Ruby. He suggests that maybe they could go forward and find that DNA result again, but Ruby declines. She says it's not fair to use something that was taken from her mum against her will as a tool to find her. She accepts that she might never find out who her birth mum is, but that's okay -- because she's realised her real family have been with her all along. The abandonment will never leave her, but after losing the whole world the only thing she wants right now is to see Carla again.

They part ways with Ruby cautioning the Doctor that maybe he should go find Susan some day. She must be feeling pretty abandoned too. And the episode ends basically the same way, only with Ruby making peace not knowing who her mum is -- meaning the mystery is left open for now in a more satisfying way.

I dunno. This got away from me a lil. I just think there's so many places this story could have been taken and it missed the mark in so many ways.

[skz-streamer]

My First Love

Simptober Romance Tropes M-list

Pairing: Chan (skz) x fem!reader

Genre: Fluff

Notes: first time doing head cannonsss :) I thought It was a more relatable way of explaining it? idkkk lmk what u think ;0

-please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

when I say this man if first love coded I MEAN IT

such a gentleman omllll

takes you out of a first date to a picnic (haha my other fic)

and after that date you just know that he's the one, there's no way to explain it.

the two of you exchange numbers and you start texting each other casually (just when ur bored)

def the type to make you giggle over text, like the ",yeah?" at the end of everything

ur sitting at home on your couch

its been 2 months of small dates and texting nonstop

you hear a knock on ur window its rlly late at night and ur home alone

although you might just be over reacting you don't really know what to do

so you text him, chan.

he responds in a literal heartbeat like this man was waiting for a text from you

you text him and you ask for him to come over, you wanted to take it slow w him so he had never been over to ur house before

you were nerrrrvoussssss

he shows up about 10 mins later with a big brown paper bag

'whats that?'

'gotchu something' he says back

AHHHH imagine it with him winking at youuuuu BUTTERFLYSSSS

You grab the bag and he locks the door for you while you open the bag

he got u food :(((((( WAHHHHH SO SWEEETTT

diff ur favorite too, you had mentioned it before during one of your past dates w him

you both plop on your couch. you lean into him and you can tell that he's blushing a bit

his ears are all redd :(((((

ahhhhh image him in his big hoodie with a beanieeee

and like ur just eating w him half sleepy maybe watching a movie or something

just an absolute sweetheart

falling asleep together on the couch

HES JUST SO BF MATERIAL

"the one" first love and will always be

morning walks to late night walks in the rain to snuggling at home

going to the mall together and him absolutely spoiling you

there for you 24/7

so understanding omlll

actually giggles the first time you call him by a nickname

pure sweetness until the day he takes you back to that same park you had a picnic at

AND HE PROPOSESSSS

From first love to forever in love

Tag: @anny-bah@eee5533@mixtape-racha@weedforthoughtz@ren0325@felixvsp@hwangrimi @sanriiolino @painstakingly-juno@herarcadewasteland@dabiscrustyfeet@kai-jilee@sungiesoonie@slvtty4channiee@revelaffee@buckys-pillow, @staygirl86 @chlodavids@jinnie-ret@bbygrlhannie@rebecca-johnson-28 @turtledove824@interstellarairwaves@yearofthetiger25@minhos4thkitty@fiqire@backintomykpopphaseagain@liknws@tinyelfperson@aaasia111@yangbbokari@hafsah-ali@sleepyleeji@skzhoes@yamaguchiwestad@leonswifesstuff@nappynapnaps

[ariaste]

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Armand/Daniel Molloy, Benji Mahmoud & Daniel Molloy, Canonical Background Ensemble Relationships

Characters: Daniel Molloy, Armand (Vampire Chronicles), Benji Mahmoud, Ensemble, Marius de Romanus

Additional Tags: Post-Canon Fix-It, post Blood Communion, Fareed Bhansali's Vampire Sex Serum, Getting Back Together, Auvergne era, Yearning, Pining, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, (which will ultimately be resolved), Benji is a filthy millennial and he's so valid for that, POV Daniel Molloy, Monsterfucker Daniel Molloy, Vampire Daniel Molloy, (strictly book!canon but a couple little easter-egg nods to the show), Found Family, Romantic Comedy

In which Daniel Molloy pulls himself together (then has another nervous breakdown, then pulls himself together again), Armand doesn't know what a 3D printer is, Benji has a Plan (of which Step H is roughly shaped like the movie The Parent Trap), and nobody here can keep their noses out of each other's business. *** “That’s even part of the truth. So is the journalism thing, actually—I’ve got a podcast. Like a radio show on the internet,” Benji added quickly. He must have caught a spark of Daniel’s frustration about what in the world a fucking podcast was. “People call in sometimes, and they say, ‘Whatever happened to the Vampire Daniel, anyway?’ What am I supposed to say, you know? ‘Oh, Daniel Molloy? Yeah, he lives in my house, he’s got a room up in the attic with some mad science experiments or something, we’re blood relatives, but I don’t know what’s going on with him; we don’t talk.’ Come on. That’s not responsible journalism. The people want to know!”

Anne Rice committed a grievous crime in Blood Communion, and that was the fact that the word "Daniel" does not appear in it once. I personally believe this is because Armand was afraid of Rhoshamandes kidnapping people, locked Daniel in the basement for the whole time, and then forbade Lestat from mentioning it in the book just in case future vampire kidnappers had that classified information about where Armand hides Daniel when trouble is happening.

The other grievous crime is that no one seems to have got around to telling Devil's Minion about Dr Fareed's sex serum, which I think would have fixed them. So here we are.

I was going to wait to post this until the whole thing was finished, but considering the political situation that just went down in my country, I feel like we all needed something to take our minds off of it. Enjoy, and take care of yourself. <3

[ivymarquis]

Intro + Masterlist

Hi! I’m Ivy and I have been known to write things on occasion. 

27 | Sapphic | Lover of dark content

I have a penchant for writing about scary men (+ women!), and am not opposed to writing smutty and/or dark content. Because of that, this blog is strictly 18+.

Minors + ageless blogs will be blocked

Dark content **is** placed under a cut for those of you who don’t wish to see it!!

Requests are currently ||open for snippets|| (pls check ((rules)) and ((F-List)) before sending requests!

Masterlist Key:

⚠️= Dark | ✨= Smut | ❗❗= Angst | ⚪ = Consensual |  ⚫ = Dub Con | 🔴 = Non Con | ✔️ = Completed Series | ⭕ = WIP Series

**UTD as of 6/5/23; Check the “my writing” tag to see if Ive posted anything that hasn’t been added to the list yet :)

Kinktober 2023 masterlist here!

OVERWATCH

Unspecified male OW!character x Reader

Heat Stroke He was a furnace and a cuddle monster- a trait you’d greatly appreciated when you’d started sleeping (as in, literally sleeping) with him in the winter. Now? The temperatures were rising and his grip was borderline suffocating at night.

Gabriel Reyes/Reaper

Gabriel throat fucking Reader   ✨⚪ Free use throat fucking kink

Kinktober Day 6 (2018)  ✨⚪ Daddy | Corset

Kinktober Day 7 (2018) ✨⚫ Praise Kink | Aphrodisiacs

Kinktober Day 10 (2018)  ✨⚪ Wax Play | Hair Pulling

Incubus!Reaper Gabriel has something to tell you. Hopefully he doesn’t have a secret wife.

Gabriel Reyes vs 2-year-old toddler Gabriel underestimates the power of a nap

Daddy kink headcanon Tis what it says on the tin. Reyes’ reaction to their s/o having a daddy kink

Reaper teaching his S/O how to kiss Tis what it says on the tin

Moira O’Deorain

Kinktober Day 2 (2018)  ✨⚪ Medical Play | Begging

Kinktober Day 11 (2018)  ✨⚪ Aphyxiation | Object Insertion

Moira with an affectionate S/O Headcanons of Moira with an S/O who enjoys showing random affection

Looks Can Be Deceiving  ✨⚪ Moira thinks you’d look adorable squealing underneath her.

Birdy   ⚠️✨🔴 Moira’s in rut and has plans for you.

Daddy Part of your self-appointed job as Moira’s girlfriend was to annoy her on occasion.

Us  ❗❗ You can’t overlook this.

Chocolate Kisses  ✨⚪ You agree to go on a date with Moira

Problem Solving  ✨⚪ You take control when Moira gets too stressed out.

Jack Morrison/Soldier 76** ** F!Reader fics written prior to announcement of Jack’s sexuality

Daddy kink headcanon Tis what it says on the tin. Jack’s reaction to their s/o having a daddy kink

Brat Tamer!76  ✨⚪ You weren’t acting out because you’d missed him. Definitely

Sleeping Dogs Lie  ⚠️✨🔴 Jack just wants to make you happy

Movie Night  ✨⚪ Jack starts seeing a new mother and develops some new kinks as a result.

Hang Ups  ✨⚪ Jack moves past his hang ups.

Stealth  ⚠️✨🔴 You’re not nearly as stealthy as you think you are.

Cole Cassidy** ** Older fics refer to Jesse McCree, pre name change

Kinktober Day 1 (2018)  ✨⚪ Smiles/Laughter | Deep Throating

Demon!Hanzo x Werewolf!McCree x F! Reader  ✨⚫ You decide to summon a demon and there are some… unintended consequences

Nap Time It’s just a fact that boobs make the best pillows

Gratitude  ✨⚪ Jesse shows his gratitude to his sweetpea getting a tattoo themed after him

Welcome Home, Baby  ✨⚪ Jesse comes home

Daddy kink headcanon Tis what it says on the tin. Cassidy’s reaction to their s/o having a daddy kink

Trying for a baby with his wife headcanons Tis what it says on the tin

Genji Shimada

Late Bloomer (I) (II)  ✨⚪✔️ Genji’s precious beta is actually an omega- one whose heat hits her like a freight train.

Dragon!Genji x Reader  ✨⚪ You’re ready to carry your lover’s eggs

Bother  ✨⚪ You figured Genji wouldn’t care for a second if your cousin was visiting. As it turned out, he cared very much.

Stay  ✨⚪ Genji hasn’t been with anyone since his near death experience. Then you join blackwatch.

Playground You and Genji go to a playground

Kitten Play  ✨⚪ Being a well respected professional in your work life is fine and all, but there’s comfort in handing the reins over to someone else.

Genji w/ S/O who struggles with penetration  ✨⚪ Tis what it says on the tin

Idol Genji has his own way of wishing you good luck for your concerts- This has unintended consequences.

Hanzo Shimada

Demon!Hanzo x Werewolf!McCree x F! Reader  ✨⚫ You decide to summon a demon and there are some… unintended consequences

Daddy kink headcanon Tis what it says on the tin. Hanzo’s reaction to their s/o having a daddy kink

Sugar  ⚠️ You just got cold feet is all

Incorrigible  ✨⚪ You’re an incorrigible tease when you want to be.

Hanzo x Reader  ✨⚪ You let Hanzo tie you up like a thanksgiving turkey

Candy Hanzo has some concerns about all the reader's candy

Trying for a baby with his wife headcanons Tis what it says on the tin

Sombra

Kinktober Day 3 (2018)  ✨⚪ Sensory Deprivation | Edgeplay

Aleksandra Zaryanova

Zarya + Chubby!Reader Self love is important, but can be hard

Akande Ogundimu

Phone Etiquette Akande knows how to make a boring business call much more interesting.

See Something You Like? You notice when Akande starts timing his workouts to match with yours.

Wilhelm Reinhardt

Sugar Daddy!Reinhardt Headcanons of sugar daddy Reinhardt

Lucio Correia dos Santos

Trying for a baby with his wife headcanons Tis what it says on the tin

Far Cry 5

Jacob Seed

Apex Predator (I) ⚠️⭕ The Deputy has a secret, and Jacob makes it his mission to bring her to heel

What You Want  (I) (II) (III) ⚠️✨🔴»⚫ ✔️ Jacob learns the deputy is his mate and sets out to subdue her

Quality Over Quantity (I) (II)  ✨⚪✔️ Jacob ensures the continuation of the Chosen’s line

Happy  ✨⚪ She was content with her place in the middle of the pack. Then Jacob took notice of her.

All Good Things He's been sweet on her ever since she propositioned him back in Missouri

Better Late than Never Pushing 50, Jacob had figured years ago his dreams of a wife and kids weren’t happening

Unrequited ❗❗ Not sure I’ll ever actually finish this- Jacob is in love with the deputy, but marries one of the women in the cult after the deputy marries John

Kinktober Day 4 (2018) ✨⚪ Spanking | Spit Roasting

Kinktober Day 8 (2018)  ✨⚪ Hate Fucking/Angry Sex | Fisting

Illness The Deputy gets sick in the cages

Can’t Sleep Jacob's insomnia is not new- when the Reader can't sleep, he offers a potential solution

Good With Kids John gives commentary on Jacob's baby-handling skills

“You smell like wet dog” Fluffy one-off where Reader informs Jacob he needs a bath.

Love Language Tis what it says on the tin

Favorite Kinks Tis what it says on the tin

John Seed

Baptism of Blood  ⚠️ John finally has a willing soul to cleanse

Kinktober Day 5 (2018)  ⚠️✨⚪ Sadism/Masochism | Blood/Gore

Love Language Tis what it says on the tin

Favorite Kinks Tis what it says on the tin

Joseph Seed

Love Language Tis what it says on the tin

Favorite Kinks Tis what it says on the tin

Faith Seed

Love Language Tis what it says on the tin

Favorite Kinks Tis what it says on the tin

Eli Palmer

Kinktober Day 4 (2018) ✨⚪   Spanking | Spit Roasting

Kinktober Day 9 (2018)  ✨⚪ Titfucking | Lingerie

Call Of Duty

Simon Ghost Riley

Simon’s Spotify Playlist Don’t ask me for anyone else’s lol. He’s the only one who gets one.

Spoiled  ✨⚪ Spoiled the thought flashes across his head. Course it doesn’t help that he’s utterly whipped. He’ll give you anything you ask for just because you want it.

Bonded ❗❗ You and Simon are caught off guard during a mission

SS: Overstim Tis what it says on the tin

John Price

Blind Date John goes on a blind date. It goes well

John Soap MacTavish

Steel Magnolia Soap falls head over heels for the base’s fire breathing preceptor

Character Study: Honey

Kyle Gaz Garrick

Under My Skin Your situationship uncomplicates itself on a rainy night

König

SS: Pregnancy Risk Not only does König not care that it's not safe to finish inside- that's kinda the point.

Platonic Reader + 141

The B.A.G. Coalition You accidentally spill the beans on why Graves can’t get a date

[evenmyhivemindisempty]

What do you think are Boyd's characters idea of a perfect first date?

Steve Murphy: Aww Steve’s perfect first date is a meet-up at a cute coffee shop. It’s casual, it’s public, it’s efficient, and he maybe gets someone who can bully him into buying something more interesting than an Americano (he secretly wants to try one of those specialty coffees!).

Donald Pierce: They start off doing something playfully competitive like bowling or top golf, and then they go to a nice sit-down restaurant and try lots of different appetizers. They ask him on a second date before the first one’s even over. *Maybe* they kiss, but that’s it (he wants to feel like a classy girl!) Second date is watching a bad movie at the theater, they touch hands over the popcorn and bitch about how stupid it was after.

Cap Hatfield: His ideal first date would be a wilderness hike up a mountain! However… realistically he gets that a lot of people might be wary about going somewhere isolated with a guy they don’t really know! So, his second choice would be a tour of the local botanical gardens.

Clement Mansell: Ooh I was torn on this one. My initial thought was checking out some small bands perform at local bars, and while I do think Clement would enjoy that, I think his ideal first date would actually be a trip to an art museum. His partner lets him set the pace and ramble about the art, and then later they go back and fuck like rabbits.

The Corinthian: They try out some fancy conceptual restaurant neither of them have been to before, and then they hit up the nearest gay club and take some drugs. Afterwards, sex and murder and eyeball snacking.

Eli Klaber: He’s into the classic dinner and a show! He gets picked up by car at a respectable hour. He gets flowers, preferably roses, but maybe white carnations. He gets brought back before midnight and a kiss at the door.

Ty Shaw: Ty’s honestly down for so much! It depends on the person, and what they’re feeling! He’d prefer it to be a little more low-key, but that’s really it. He’d be just as happy to go to a comedy show, or have a picnic, or do one of those sip and paint classes!! As long as he gets some good quality time with his prospective love interest!

Quinn McKenna: Quinn’s ideal first date would be something athletic, like rock climbing or laser tag (he’d show no mercy on his date, or the kids having a birthday party). Afterwards, they get a drink or two at the nearest sports bar. No sex, no kissing. This is strictly a fact-finding mission.

[the-ninja-legacy-whip]

hello! really new fan (by really new I mean just finished books 1 and 2 new) that decided to hop on here for some lore and I am so endlessly confused :sob:

however, what I am most curious about is all of the different aus involving the legacyverse. stuff like the silent one jesse and whatnot. just curious if you could give a biref rundown on all of the main aus that you have for them, if possible.

Hello!! Welcome to the madness~

For 100% strictly lore that adheres to the Main Story itself, the Elemental Compendium tag is your best bet! Unfortunately the 'Info Tag' has since become my tag for ALL (or most) asks as opposed to directly relevant information itself, but that's the second place I would direct you to regardless.

But! If it's all the different AU's you're after, I can totally help you there!

Cracked!Legacyverse: The very first one, which is essentially an AU with @k1ngtok's OC Jamie + things with Olivia/Harumi not being quite as extreme as they are in the main story. Has a BUNCH of sidestories by myself, King, and others I can direct you to if you're interested in a slightly fluffier take on some S2/S3 events!

Royal!Legacy AU: The 'main' au with actual story to go along with it is what it says on the tin: royalty au! There's a lot of bigger worldbuild-y aspects to it with all the supporting characters to parallel the main story, but otherwise it's just a big fancy love story between Jesse and Cole for people who (like me) want to see them with a relationship without waiting for my agonizing main story slowburn jljhgfdghf

Mer!AU: Started with me spitballing some vibes I had at the time, turned into a WIP (with art!) that I still have yet to finish, but I keep on chipping away at (I WILL finish it. One Day). It's another Aftershock story though (I have one braincell)

Shark!Nya AU: Started as one of many What If asks from long ago that branched into its own thing -> but it's an AU where Nya as the Samurai joins the Shark Army with Olivia during Book 2 instead of trying to be a third party, and the subsequent falling out that would result all the way into S3. Also doubles as an AU where Plasmashipping (Jay/Kai) ends up canon, but that's neither here or there

Quiet!Jesse: An AU where Jesse goes to help Harumi right away at the end of Book 2 instead of prioritizing Miranda, leading to the death of his sister instead and him being the one injured in the elevator + him being the one to blame Lloyd for it and concocting revenge. (He also dies at the end, rip)

Into the Ninjaverse: Kind of a 'for fun' AU where selves from the Show, the Movie, and Legacyverse (potentially with other variants as well) meet each other and interact with shenanigans. Also doubles as an AU where Stormlightshipping (Jay/Sunni) winds up canon

Volleyball!Harumi: Not actually an 'AU' as I do plan to do something with the concept, but literally everything is the same except Harumi actually joins a non-evil volleyball team lmao. This also kind of goes hand-in-hand with another concept of Harumi writing Ninja/Shark Army fanfiction lmao

DR!Jesse/Dragons Rising-related Stuff: Not actuallyyyyyyy an AU, but it's technically notttttt canon to the mainverse eitherrr, so. Basically this encompasses how certain aspects of Legacyverse would (THEORHETICALLY) work within DR, alongside a (THEORHETICAL) story following how Jesse would deal with all these newfound changes to his life, on top of raising his kid as a single parent. Be mindful if you dive into that tag tho; there do be some spoilers (but those are tagged as well)!!

Next-Gen Jamboree + Alter!Verse: Essentially an AU of the prior AU when everyone's got (at least one) kid prior to The Merge, and the angst that comes with that falling out...except for Lloyd, who only gets a kid thanks to alternate universe shenanigans that rain upon him during his five years alone Post-Merge. It's different from simply "DR!Jesse", as there Jesse's kid is the only one present for DR!events (and thus that's a more """""canon""""" take on things), so anything with the other children is just for fun/speculation and to clear out the brain rot (though I am surprised it got as much traction as it did :d)

Andddd there's probably a bunch of other little-r ones I'm forgetting, but these have been the hot topics in my recent memory hgfhgfd

[homestuck-fanauthor-coalition]

john (take me with you)

Chapter 3: i know the feeling (i really do)

Summary: John has a lot to think about.

==> John: Enjoy your stay. So far, it’s been great! Not very busy, though. There’s not a lot to do at Dave’s apartment, and neither of you want to subject yourself to the heat more than strictly necessary, so you’ve mostly just hung around. You’re surprised you haven’t seen Bro yet considering it’s been a few days, but Dave says he’s just reclusive like that. (You’re not sure you believe him.) You’ve played a lot of video games, watched a few movies, and spent ages just chatting. You don’t mind it, really! You’re not exactly the out-and-about type either. But you were starting to get a bit restless, being stuck indoors. The two of you actually left the house today, though! (Really, it was just you tagging along on errands with Dave.)

hey everyone! a new chapter of @eridan-amporaa 's fanfic just dropped! If you need a refresher on what it's about, check out the info below!

john (take me with you) (12667 words) by auspiciousAuthor Chapters: 3/6 Fandom: Homestuck Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: John Egbert/Dave Strider Characters: John Egbert, Dave Strider, Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Jade Harley

Additional Tags: Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Background Dad Egbert, Background Nanna Egbert, Bacground Casey (Homestuck), Implied/Referenced Abuse, Good Parent Dad Egbert, Abusive Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Meeting IRL for the first time, Eventual John Egbert/Dave Strider, Slow Burn, POV Alternating, POV Second Person, not formatted exactly like the comic but the command elements are in there for Funsies, Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider's Bad Parenting, Rated T for swearing, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, the trolls either dont exists or exist as humans who never met the kids. take your pick, Fluff and Angst, Domestic Fluff, Angst

Summary: Title from the song of the same name. TG: what is it GT: well… GT: remember how my nanna gave me a bunch of money for my birthday this year to do something cool? - - TG: where are you going with this GT: well, i negotiated with my dad… GT: and he said i can visit you for a week this summer!! TG: what? - - - - - - Or, John Egbert is finally able to visit his best friend. Dave Strider jumps through hoops to make it happen. Neither of them understand the ramifications of what they're doing, not yet. Good thing Bro's out this week.

[idridian]

this is strictly about what would be funniest, alright? not best. if we started arguing what the "best" way to do the sequels would be, we'd be here all day and i don't have time for that

[sergeantnarwhalwrites]

Writerly Questionare

Woah okay. Thanks for the tag @winglesswriter! I'm gonna have the questions below the cut to try to make the copy and pasting easier.

I tag @chayscribbles @winterandwords @vacantgodling @the-void-writes @aether-wasteland-s @nanashi23 @televisionjester (Only if y'all want. Open tag too!)

About Me

When did you first start writing?

With actual purpose middle school. Like 6th/7th grade.

Are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?

Sorta. What's actually funny is I really ain't a fan of romance but I write that shit on the side XD.

Is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you're often compared?

I'm not really sure about that emulate part. I could list a shit ton of awesome writers though (the people I taged and many many more) Lol, I'm definitely not compared to anyone though.

Can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (Room, coffee shop, desk, etc.)

I'm usually writing in my room, on a crowded tv dinner table. But I write in a lot of places, including passenger seat of car. Or in the library if I'm settling on strictly typing stuff. (I usually handwrite)

What's your most effective way to muster up some muse?

Listening to music and being busy as hell.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

I think so. I have a shit ton of black characters for a reason. I'm black, it's easy.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

The power of friendship, violence, we were forced to together so now we working together, and "good guys" doing bad shit too. Those are usually pretty prevalent in my stories.

My Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character?

Uhhhh that's hard to decide but I guess I'll go Saz. Saz is my stud bear morpher dragged into a battle against the humans. She is stressed, bro is going through it, and she's a wrestler.

Which of your characters do you think you'd be friends with in real life?

Most of them honestly. I think I'd be more than willing to hear about Hollis's (Robots & Gardens) exploits.

Which of your characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

Cosma would get her shit rocked and I'd get mine rocked in return. And I think me and Green's anger problems would clash in really bad ways.

Tell me about the process of coming up with of one, all, or any of your characters.

They appear magically in my brain. And I obsess over them like I obsess over all of my interests. The Fucked at Five oc's were the one's that deviated the most because most of them are based on the movie Open Season.

Do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

Tough exterior but actually really soft and big women go brr.

How do you picture them? (As real people you imagined, as models/actors who exist in real life, as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc)

As a combination of as real people I imagined, comic book characters, art I made, and cartoon characters (like a banger indie animation).

My Writing

What's your reason for writing?

Teehee it's how I process a lot of things and also I have to fill the world with content I want to see cause no one else is.

Is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

All of them for real. I love y'all. But any of them loving the characters as much as me honestly.

How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work? (For example: as a literary genius, or as a writer who "gets" the human condition; as a talented worldbuilder, as a role model, etc.)

A cool dude who loves to write gay dorks gaying dorkily and fighting..

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Giving my character's a personality I guess.

What have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others?

I've been told I can write really fluid fight scenes or I have decent descriptions.

How do you feel about your own writing? (Answer in whatever way you interpret this question.)

Lol I think it's great when it's great and ass when it's ass.

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

Yep. My fanfic writing would probably be slowed even further but I'd still write whatever came to mind in general.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? If it's a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

Oh I definitely write what I know will amuse me. But I arguably think it's a mixture of both. Sometimes I'll see something or get a response that brings me to write. And it's bangers always.

When did you first start writing?

Are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?

Is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you're often compared?

Can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (Room, coffee shop, desk, etc.)

What's your most effective way to muster up some muse?

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

Are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

My Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character?

Which of your characters do you think you'd be friends with in real life?

Which of your characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

Tell me about the process of coming up with of one, all, or any of your characters.

Do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

How do you picture them? (As real people you imagined, as models/actors who exist in real life, as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc

My Writing

What's your reason for writing?

Is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work? (For example: as a literary genius, or as a writer who "gets" the human condition; as a talented worldbuilder, as a role model, etc.)

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

What have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others?

How do you feel about your own writing? (Answer in whatever way you interpret this question.)

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? If it's a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

[allthislove]

Thinking about the Namor discourse, I'm reminded of the Killmonger discourse from back when the first movie came out. Almost everyone agreed that he was right, but that his methods were extreme, and that Nakia had already suggested the same things without the violence. Killmonger's stance was... surprisingly just like Namor's. Basically burn the world, take it over (although Namor seems to have little differentiation between poor, oppressed people of the surface and the oppressors of the surface. At least that's how it seems.)

But there was also this huge rise in fans of Killmonger. He's a cool, confident character, played by a handsome actor, who was fun and cool to watch. He was definitely killed off too soon, though. Marvel had that problem of killing their villains back then, when comics heroes usually encounter their villains many times.

Now the main difference between Killmonger and Namor is that Namor isn't a villain. Killmonger comes from a straight forward villain character in the comics. Namor is an antihero in the comics. He has a long-standing feud with T'Challa and Wakanda, and they clash often for reasons similar to this movie. But Namor isn't supposed to be hated as a villain. He's coming from a completely unique perspective than everyone on the surface. Comparing Tenoch Huerta's Namor to the Namor in the comics, they're very similar in that their main goal is the safety and protection of their underwater society. Sometimes, that aligns Namor with the surface heroes. Often, he clashes with them, either because of his own extreme views (burn the world) or because they're getting up to something that puts Atlantis in harm's way (Talokan in the MCU).

So, when I'm seeing a lot of like... takedowns of people who like Namor, and who are attracted to Tenoch, and comments like "Anything for a sexy face" and "y'all wouldn't do this for a Black man" it feels very much... to me... like unfamiliarity with the character. Namor is a superhero, not a villain. We're not supposed to see him like Loki or Thanos. That's why they've been billing him as "the first Mexican SUPERHERO" in the press tour. He is an antagonist for Wakanda a lot of the time, but that's because Marvel comics are actually quite good at nuances. A lot of characters aren't strict hero/villain archetypes in Marvel comics. Look at Magneto and Professor X, as an example. You're gonna tell me Professor X is a moral good superhero and Magneto is a moral bad supervillain? Especially in the current comics where all Mutants live in Krakoa together and have a society protected from the rest of the world. You're gonna tell me Iron Man is a strictly good superhero? Like, nuance is how the comics work. That's what Coogler is actually really good at bringing to his MCU projects and it's why he's the perfect director to even handle a character like Namor.

Coogler knows how to bring the nuance. It's why everyone loved Killmonger, too, even if we didn't agree with him. (Though some of y'all did.) Nuance shows us why Killmonger wants to do what he's doing.

As far as "wouldn't do this for a Black man" takes... isn't that disingenuous when talking to fans of the Black Panther franchise? It's not like the franchise was small or didn't do well. It was one of the most successful movies of the Infinity Saga, up there with Infinity War and Endgame. Most people in these tags HAVE gone up for a Black man. T'Challa was not lacking in love. Neither was Killmonger. Or even M'Baku. How many oneshots I read about M'Baku taking care of his "vegetarian children" because of that one off, throwaway line "Just kidding. We are vegetarians." (Loved the callback to it in this movie with him eating a carrot while talking to the council!) People liking Tenoch Huerta and thinking his version of Namor is attractive has nothing to do with whether or not people find the Black men attractive. But for what it's worth, THERE'S ONLY ONE MAIN BLACK MAN IN THIS MOVIE and that's M'Baku. Unless you expect a bunch of teen and 20-something fans to go up over the elders on the council. T'Challa has passed, W'Kabi is in jail and never shown, Killmonger does show up for a cameo but that's not a main role. All we get is M'Baku. And people are going up for him, because people love M'Baku. This is a movie about a whole country of badass Black women. The only male characters of consequence are M'Baku, Namor, and Ross.

Namor is just a shiny new character and again, not a villain AND provides representation to an entirely different group of people. People are allowed to be excited to see an Indigenous character in a Marvel movie. It doesn't mean they don't love the Black characters in the movie.

As far as shipping, there's really only two choices and that's Shuri/Riri and Shuri/Namor. It's surprising that y'all are upset about Shuri/Namor, as that ship was obvious. You can dislike a ship without pretending everyone who likes it made it up based on nothing. Media literacy is understanding what a story is trying to do, and the Namor and Shuri scenes before the attack on Wakanda were trying to make you see them as a potential romance. I saw one take saying that they might possibly be switching Namor's obsession with Sue Storm into an obsession with Shuri (which is ehhhhhh and I kinda hope not, but would work with the storyline they're building).

With Riri, you get an easy ship kinda in the same grain as ScienceBros, and they are really good friends in the comics, so that ship is a pretty surefire one going forward.

I don't really like Shuri and M'Baku, but I could see it happening more than any of them in canon. I only don't like it because he reads very "older brother" with her and it would feel like an extreme left turn for them to date. But I could see the movies trying that pairing on some like... "good for Wakanda" stuff.

(Then there's Namor/M'Baku which is really funny, and I like your minds 🤣 Based on the "fish man" stuff alone.)

Anyway I'm getting off track, but basically, I think there's a lot of extreme behavior going on in the tags and I think it really boils down to this being your first introduction to Namor, because there's no reason to be angry with people for liking him. You're gonna have to get used to him, too, because he's a Problem, tm, and I fully expect him to insert himself into so many conflicts and give the Avengers grief, too. And I hope we get a main universe (I refuse to call the MCU 616) Illuminati with him and Strange and them, too.

[micamicster]

Hi! Do you have any romcom (movie) recs? I feel like i hypothetically like the genre, but have a lot of trouble finding ones i enjoy. So many romcoms feel so formulaic (in a dead way) and misogynistic and stale to me. I think they’re a lot easier to do well in the context of a series because there’s actually time to build. Recently i thought rye lane and fire island were fun. I like kdramas when i have the time for all the episodes because i appreciate the build. I need chemistry— people who both convincingly like each other and seem like actual human beings. I thought you might have some good ideas! Thanks <3

HELLO LARGE VOICED ANON <3

I hope you weren't waiting on my recs all day haha i have been. hm. hungover af <3 (i'm going to leave kdramas off this list for now but if you would like specific recs for kdrama romcoms send me another ask and i can try to do them justice!)

I think this is a genre with underrated range! So one thing that I find very interesting about the genre of romcoms is that I think there tends to be a split between romcoms whose goal is, like, to be a fun lighthearted movie with a central romance, vs romcoms whose goal is to Say Something About Love in the vehicle of a funny movie. Both of these categories are represented on this list but for giggles i will not be saying which i think are which <3

anyway recs under the cut <3 i will link my tags for these movies if you want to take a look but be warned for spoilers ofc

I think for your purposes my primary rec would be Lovesick (aka Scrotal Recall). It's a (short) tv show so it would likely give you the chance to get to know the characters and see a slower build. In contrast to the frustration you've had with some more "formulaic" romcoms the writing in this show is very deliberately in conversation with romcoms of the past. Also it's just one of my favorite romcoms ever made so I rec it to everyone. The premise is that a young man, Dylan, is diagnosed with chlamydia and instructed to tell his past partners. Being a hopeless romantic (emphasis on hopeless), he decides to try to turn this into an opportunity to revisit relationships that didn't work out, and try to figure out where he's been going wrong. Two simultaneous storylines play out in each episode, the flashbacks to the exes (and breakups) and the present, where Dylan's best friend is getting married.

Older romcoms: When Harry Met Sally (ive heard this is divisive? but idc its SO funny and so well made), Moonstruck (a romantic-comedy in the operatic sense. also cher <3), The Philadelphia Story (katharine hepburn the woman u r. tw for a classic 1940s gag about punching ur wife in the face), Bringing Up Baby (screwball comedy my beloved), Roman Holiday (audrey hepburn is lethally charming in this movie), Dirty Dancing (someday ill write something this good and then You Will Realize), Much Ado About Nothing (i tend to enjoy either the danielle brooks shakespeare in the park version or the classic tennant/tate combo)

Teen romcoms: 10 things I hate about you (young heath ledger and young julia stiles ur welcome), to all the boys i;ve loved before (lana condor is ADORABLE), The Half of It (my other favorite sort-of romcom of the decade)

More recent-ish: Speed (like its keanu and sandra what more do you want), Strictly Ballroom (i used to watch this literally weekly as a child and I WAS RIGHT TO), Miss Congeniality (sandra bullock what u did for us all <3), Fire Island (thank u 4 my LYFE), The sandra bullock/channing tatum movie that came out last year (i forget what its called but he's so funny in it), Mamma Mia AND Mamma Mia Here We Go Again (beautiful greek islands, abba, cher, what more can you ask for?)

Indian/bollywood: Jab We Met (after dramatically quitting his job, Local Man somehow ends up escorting a woman he meets on the train while she attempts to elope with her boyfriend. aka classic screwball comedy heroine and Guy She Dragged Along For The Ride), khabie khushi khabi gham (multiple generations of romance and family drama featuring Kajol, the Most Beautiful Woman In the World), Band Baaja Baaraat (two wedding planners fall in love--great choice if you want to watch idiots ambushed by their feelings)

Other tv recs: Selfie (john cho and karen gillian in a show canceled far too soon)

[bromcommie]

hi, your fic “moving like a river of trouble crossing” kinda resonated with my soul and maybe even changed my life just a little bit, and i thought you deserved a better comment than my inarticulate ranting in the reblog tags yesterday.

the idea of shield hiring a therapist that looks like an older version of steve’s mother is unbelievably fucked up. the psychological warfare at play there is insane. and i love the parallel drawn to him first waking up from the ice and them trying to play this trick on him. he’s so much smarter than they give him credit for, everyone’s constantly underestimating him. i think that’s my favorite theme throughout this story; everyone is commodifying him in their own way, trying to stuff him in the box that they already made for him inside their heads.

the phrase “are you awake yet?” repeating over and over is so many different kinds of powerful. firstly, the way that it ties back to him waking up from the ice and his feelings of displacement in the world. secondly, that hazy, detached feeling that comes with depression, like you’re half-sleepwalking through your entire life, and no matter how hard you try to snap out of it and wake up, you can’t. i know that feeling well, and it emanates viscerally from this entire story. thirdly, it feels like a metaphor for the fact that he’s just drifting through life, doing what he’s told, following orders because he doesn’t know what else he’s supposed to do with himself.

obsessed with lina’s comment of “wrong place, wrong time” after the date. she’s right on so many levels, more right than she knows. each and every line of this story has so many layers, all of the characters feel three-dimensional, and the vibe is distinct and consistent.

the entire section following “pain, steve knows on an intimate level,” him cataloguing all of the hurt throughout his life, is a masterpiece. this story belongs in a museum. long sections of introspection like that are always hardest for me to write, and this is like poetry. i was searching for a handful of favorite lines to pick out to quote back at you but i can’t even pick.

all the symbolism in the movie that he’s watching (is this a real movie that you’re quoting from? if so that makes it so much better) tying into his memories of his mom dying, of becca and peggy and bucky and the line “steve was only ever as strong as the people propping him up.” 😭😭😭 i have no words for how deeply i can feel his pain and loss. he’s sitting there thinking about how he was never really alone when he was lonely back then, but now he is really alone, and there’s nothing to soothe the ache in his soul.

Rumlow communicating through riddles and insults and violence is everything to me. this actually may be my favorite iteration of him that i’ve ever read; he almost mirrors natasha in the way that he says everything but what he really means, pushing limits and pushing into people’s lives like a creeping vine. pushing himself right into steve’s space, nearly pushing steve over the edge.

i’m picking up on some desperate, hopeless undertones of the little scene with steve riding his motorcycle, risking his life senselessly just to feel something, trying to convince himself he’s grateful for this second chance at life. there’s so much powerful character development in such a short scene, this is masterful.

the way that the fight between steve and rumlow is practically a proxy for intimacy is everything i love about their dynamic in one scene. the way that rumlow talks shit snd fights dirty and likes hurting steve just a little more than is strictly necessary. i know despite everything, rumlow’s gonna be thinking about this night for a long time. steve’s just a sadist’s dream, mind and body designed specifically to take brutality, and he has enough guilt and self-hatred built up to put himself in situations like this for the sake of blowing off steam. they’re a match made in hell, really.

this story deserves to be up there with the big names in stucky fic and i would die on that hill. i’m sorry this is so long, if there’s one thing about me it’s that i love writing insanely long comments 🤩 but um yea i’m so glad you decided to share this with the world bc !!! it got even better on my second read-through to write this comment this morning.

Omg hi! First of all, thank you so much for the generous kind words and for the detailed message. I am always so delighted when people engage with the stuff that I post in any way whatsover, but especially when they're willing to share their impressions, so you never need to apologize for it getting long. I love talking about this stuff. (if anything, I'm just sorry I couldn't get around to responding sooner!) I'm really glad the theme of everyone's different attempts to "place" Steve came through. That might be one of my favourite conflicts when it comes to his character, actually - especially because it's very workable both in-universe (we get to see people project their personal definition of what Cap is supposed to be onto Steve in the comics over and over, as well as in the movies but to a lesser extent) and as meta, considering the wildly different interpretations different canon writers as well as parts of the fandom have voiced for years now (hell, decades) - many of which, in my personal opinion, just completely ignore his background and defining traits/experiences in favor of, again, what their personal idea of what Cap (read: the USA) should value, prioritize, and represent. I just think the idea of a regular man - one with very specific life circumstances that produced a pretty rigid, strong-willed set of morals for that matter - thrown headfirst into being a myth and a propaganda tool, and by virtue of that being manhandled by the government and the public and pretty much everyone he meets almost constantly, to be very interesting. Also honestly I'll take just about any opportunity I can get to shit on intelligence agencies and all the psychological warfare (as you very aptly put it) they entail. And I love Steve's relationship with Sarah as well as that idea of everyone constantly underestimating him so this felt like a good, if painfully fucked up way to introduce that.

I could talk about my love for CATWS' nods to Steve's grief and extremely internalized way of dealing with things but I'm not going to because then we'd be here all day, so I'll just say this: I think about his whole subdued demeanor at the start of that movie coupled with those Avengers deleted scenes of him just kind of aimlessly wandering around New York looking like the epitomy of Sad Man with No Plan at least once a goddamn week. That exchange with Sam at the VA also just wrecks me every time, simply because it's so quiet and unassuming but says a lot. I'd say I'm glad my writing could get you to relate to that sense of dissociation so strongly, but having experienced it myself one too many times I'll just say it fucking sucks and I'm sorry it's so familar. Again, interesting to write about, though, especially when you're writing about a guy who's not only clearly been used to keeping this shit under lock and key his whole life, but who has only had maybe like three and a half people that he could on rare occasions allow himself to confide in, all of whom have gone and died on him or are getting there. Not to mention the survivor's guilt involved - I kept thinking that I can't imagine how badly just about anyone would react to these kinds of feelings if they were feeling guilty about being alive in the first place on top of everything else, and then guilty about feeling that way instead of grateful, like some kind of hellish positive feedback loop. Happy the "wrong place, wrong time" comment went over well! It felt a little heavy handed while I was writing it, but that may just be because I spent a good few days just overthinking that segment. That said I do have a whole background for Lina I have to figure out what to do with now, lol. I've gotten too attached. The movie he's watching is in fact real! It's called Mikey and Nicky and I can't recommend it enough to anyone who might be interested in a slightly experimental, character study-esque '70s crime flick that's really more a thoughtful story about love and death and devotion and lifelong friendship ultimately not surviving the test of time, differing life choices and disillusionment. Themes of childhood and loss and remembrance just kill me in general, especially in the scene I included, and especially because my brain kept going "haha but what if we made this about stucky" on repeat until I had to sit down at write this. Tbh that segment might be my favourite, the fact I had to take several breaks while writing bc I got too sad notwithstanding. And finally: ah, Rumlow. That motherfucker. Hate that guy's guts, love writing him. I cannot tell you how much I'm glad that Natasha parallel came through for you, because I think I did initially conceive of them as mirrors. My thinking was that Steve probably wouldn't fully trust either of them, especially in that lockdown survival mode and just having come into the whole paranoid toxic environment that is SHIELD which he already doesn't really trust, either. That said, I think on that surface level he might latch onto Rumlow more simply because he kind of highkey screams DOWN TO EARTH SOLDIER more than spy which might be more familar, and because Steve's well aware Natasha owes her allegiance to Fury in a pretty established way and is showing a personal interest in his life, which could come across as suspect. And it definitely is to an extent, but I think in the way that for Natasha at this point the slowly budding care she is developing for Steve as one of her own is still very much inseperable from her need to possess information and have control over the situation, which clashes with Steve's equally distrustful nature and desire to keep something for himself. Of course, we know that she's well-meaning and just acting on habit, while Rumlow is...well, Rumlow.

I tried to write Steve as being attracted primarily to that familiarity/comfort of having someone very competent and dogged and seemingly loyal on his side as well as Rumlow as a whole - his experience, his skill, this more level, borderline challenging approach he takes with Steve, even that rougher side to him; despite also being somewhat aware of and at moments even put off by the dubious nature of it all (not necessarily the fascist dogwhistles, but just those moments where that "just one of the guys" front crosses a line into something murkier) but eventually always ending up shutting that feeling down as dismissible because he doesn't have the energy to process it, and prob because there's a certain degree of shame coloring the whole thing. He doesn't want to think about why he's attracted to Rumlow including the violent side of him, about why he's drawing unwilling parallels to Bucky, about what he's subconsciously looking to get from Rumlow while in this self-destructive spiral, and so he inevitably just goes along with it. For Rumlow's part, I think he's definitely got that "moth to a flame" attraction to Steve, and might even respect (big, gigantic fucked up quotation marks around that) him in his own way, or at least he respects what Steve could do if he just wasn't so...well, Steve. I imagine the whole projection of Cap the Symbol (remember when I mentioned that like 2000 words ago?) as well as many of the things we all love about Steve the Man probably rub Rumlow the wrong way, if for no other reason because they're an unwittingly glaring call to his conscience, which I figure would just unnerve and piss him off more and make him turn even more punishing on instinct just to justify himself to himself. In any case, he definitely gets a kick out of being near Steve in the same way people get a kick out of proximity to powerful people in general. I don't think it's a HYDRA honeypot thing or some straight-up evil plan behind it or even a fully conscious thing for him necessarily, just that he's aware Steve's very, very strong and very, very closed off and very, very good while also being pretty fucking vulnerable, and gets a kick out of being able to exploit that and push his buttons and ultimately more or less subdue him in a way that has as much, if not more, to do with power as it does with sex and attraction. So violence as a proxy for intimacy is a perfect way of putting what I was going for, thank you for that!

What I ultimately find the most interesting about writing this version of Rumlow in relation to this version of Steve is that Rumlow is very much a hateable character to me precisely because on the surface he could be just any other alright guy, if he weren't, well.... Rumlow, if he didn't repeatedly decide to give in to the same sadistic instinct because it's easier than the rest of it, if he didn't make the same morally wrong choice over and over despite initially seeming reedemable, despite getting every opportunity to choose differently; same as Steve repeatedly chooses to be good despite his own flaws, despite the opportunity to just give up, despite his own inner turmoil.

So, y'know: very much fuck that guy. They should've dropped more than one building on him. Hell of an interesting dynamic to write, though. Match made in hell indeed.

*claps hands together* ANYWAY! JESUS CHRIST THIS GOT LONG, I'm so sorry to you and anyone seeing this. This wasn't meant to turn into my own personal verbose meta playground, and yet it did. Thank you so much again for the lovely comment and for taking the time out to come talk to me about your impressions, it's been a pleasure!<3