#I had actual tears on my face
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I seen these on X (Twitter I guess) and I laughed for about 20 minutes so I thought I’d share with you guys.
No clue who did this but I’m thankful they did 😂😂😂💀💀
#hazbin hotel#alastor fanart#alastor the radio demon#hazbin alastor#alastor and lucifer#hazbin lucifer#lucifer#big bang#I had actual tears on my face#and I laughed so much I ended up coughing a lung up#hazbin art#hazbin fanart
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Fernando Alonso & His Relationship With Cards
I'm sure we're all familar with the cards on the back of Fernando's Vegas GP helmet by now, but did you know his relationship with cards goes a lot deeper?
I. Magic Tricks
You've probably seen or heard someone at least mention Fernando's propensity for card tricks. As far as I can tell he was doing them(publically) as far back as 2003 all the way to as recently as 2018. Even once performing a card trick, with a condom and a teddy bear(!??!?!??!!), in front of Valentino Rossi who said "How was that possible?"(x)
But how did this start? According to James Allen, "Fernando admits to having been heavily influenced by his grandfather, a mercurial figure, who taught him magic and card tricks, still one of his passions away from the race track."(x) And I'm not sure the validity of this one, because I couldn't find an actual source, but apparently he once said: "My parents are responsible for the two things I like doing most - driving and magic tricks. They bought me my first go-kart and a magician's kit."
In several interviews he described it as his hobby off track, and that he loved learning new tricks and surprising others in the garage with them! So clearly cards are pretty important to him both as a hobby but also to who he is as a person since they've been with him just as long as racing has.
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II. Card Symbolism in His Helmets
This is the reason I originally made this post, but I thought I should also explain the origins of his card fascination first. As I said, we probably all remember the cards on the back of his helmet in Vegas, but did you know that wasn't the first time he had cards on the back of his helmet?
From 2008-2013, he used to have a pair of cards on the back of his helmets. The symbolisms of the cards themselves as well as the evolution of their design is really fascinating to me! Even more so with the recent development of the card choice in 2023.
Fernando said he wanted to reference his two titles in some way on the back of his helmet and after his friend sent him several ideas, he decided on having two cards(an ace of clubs and an ace of hearts, sometimes pictured with 05 and 06 on them as well), saying: "I picked the cloverleaf [the ace of clubs - Ed] to give me luck, but the only pity is that it doesn't have four leaves!"(X)
2008.
Here's the very first appearance of the cards! They're displayed flat, with the 05 and 06 clearly visible
2009.
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Very similar to 2008, but with a slightly different design, and they're maybe a bit more straight with less shadow?
2010.
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This is the first major change! I was sad they didn't have the years on them anymore, but then I realized they're sparkly to match with his signature lightning bolts on the top of the helmet!!
2011.
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Honestly I'm still somewhat unsure if this is the actual 2011 helmet? It's pretty difficult to find clear photos of the back of helmets from older seasons. It's easiest to find them on replica sites or auction sites so I'm not 100%? But anyways, I like that this has the championship years on the underside of the cards
2012.
This is when I started getting weirdly emotional about the helmets. Do you see how they've progressed from being a centerpoint to being curled up and sad at the bottom of the helmet? Not listing the year anymore??
2013.
Same thoughts as 2012. And after this season, they cease to exist (just like his ferrari chair in the garage, WOAH CALLBACK), until cards make a reeappearance in his Vegas helmet, albeit in a different form
2013 Monaco(Honorable Mention):
For some reason 2013 helmets were easier to find proper pictures of, so I happened to witness this absolute beauty. The creativity of this helmet genuinely blows me away??? Wanting to keep the card motif, but making sure to incorporate it into the rest of the puzzle piece design?? Mwah! There was another special 2013 helmet but they didn't change the cards at all so I really applaud this one
2023 Las Vegas(The Return of The King):
The magnificent return! But look! The cards are different cards! Instead of being two aces, it's now an ace of hearts, a four of hearts(his driver number of course!) and, the, now iconic, representation of himself as a Joker. I literally could not believe my eyes when this helmet was released and I saw the Joker card, what a fucking silly old man....I really wonder if he felt nostalgic having cards on his helmet again or if he didn't think about it all and was just like, "ah cards because Vegas!!!"
III. Why Does This Matter?
*The rest of the post was factual, this is moreso my personal thoughts on the symbolism of the cards/designs
This post spawned from me recently watching the 2010 Bahrain gp and noticing "hey wait a minute...are those CARDS ON THE BACK OF HIS HELMET!?" It's a really tiny detail that's unfortunately covered up by the HANS device pretty much whenever he's wearing the helmet, so it's really difficult to spot! But I became fascinated with the fact that he had cards on his helmet before that recent helmet, and now here we are!
There's something to me about how the design of the cards evolves over the course of six seasons from the cards being front and center to being smaller, more folded up and closer to the bottom of the helmet. As I said, the 2012-2013 ones genuinely made me depressed because it feels, symbolically, like his hopes for getting another Ace are becoming more and more unlikely and falling away until they eventually fall falt and fade away entirely after 2013 and disappear for basically a decade.
But when they return? They're not the same cards! Instead of representing Fernando's championships, they now represent him as a person, displaying his driver number and his persona of being a Joker!! Though I do think it's interesting he happened to keep the Ace of Hearts, even though he talked more about the Ace of Clubs before. I'm not sure it's actually this deep in reality, but I like to think that it's him not letting his championships(and the lack thereof) define him, but rather letting who he is as a person shine and be the centerpoint instead! But on a sadder note, as @suzuki-ecstar said to me, maybe the Aces aren't there anymore because he's lost all hope for a chance at a third Ace entirely :(
#yes its finals week and im up to my eyes in coursework but instead decided to spend like 5 hours researching and writing this post#nah bcs i actually genuinely put more work into this then I think I have all semester dsfjdskjg#that thing about him using a condom and teddy bear in a magic trick genuinely had me crying with laugher. actual tears rolling down my face#<- HOW!?!? WHAT WAS THE TRICK?? its literally inconceivable to me what he did. oh if only there were pics UGH#anyways!! this post was a lot of fun to make!! i really really love the symbolism and design of helmets so this was a rly fun project#and i also went down a lot of rabbitholes while make this and saw many very weird articles from yore#i feel like i make an equal amnt of deranged posts abt seb and nando but i dont know why nando is gifted w all my well researched projects#<- i.e. chair post. that was the same level of research as this one but at least this one i could find actual sources about....#idk theres smth about the extremely long history of nando's history that evokes research posts like this KLAJSLSKDJ#theres just so much that i dont think I ever really see people discussing! so i must create.#haha what was that joke tag i wanted to make abt my researched posts? I think:#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion#<- one day ill go back and actually tag posts w that. bcs the amtn of research compared to my actual schoolwork is so unwell#fernando alonso#fa14#f1#formula 1#catie.rambling.txt#we do a little bit of f1
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#a doodley#had such a horrible time trying to draw tonight how do i draw (faces) nearly every day and i still dont get it.#realized rn that ive forgotten how to draw like tops/backs of heads but i look at art from months ago and see that i never actually knew#i want to be more loose with my stuff but then it comes out looking Bad Bad instead of good bad#i dont get it and it never sticks and im so ashamed.....!#im so ashamed.... there's ppl making masterpieces in between studying to become doctors and im here#with all the free time in the world. from birth to present. and it's never gotten any better. despite any of it#everything i learn just turns to dust in time and idk how i want my art to look and i hate that it looks like me and has too much Me.#that's why it sucks i bet#im going to bed before i tear my hair out over not being able to draw#it's deteriorated so much more over the years bc now i overthink every little detail. how do i let go. AND make it look good.
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i think about this part often maybe a bit too much
#i mean its just till getting choked#but 𝓮𝓻𝓸𝓽𝓲𝓬𝓪𝓵𝓵𝔂#you catch my drift?#also the way ivan is just like hard staring through him bro is higher than the clouds#it looked like he was playing kahoot in his brain deciding what to do next after realizing the face sucking wasnt doing anything but he had#taken this kahoot quiz b4 so he just went for the green option instantly#(thought really hard about this for like 2 seconds or in this case had used all the other options)#like he was just fucking around no clear plan#and just Till's general expression of 🫨#he looked like he saw jesus for a second also his eye bags are more apparent#and now im just noticing the skin folds around the neck#so im afraid ivan did actually go for the juggler and genuinely tried strangling till#with intent to kill or not im unsure#im getting tears on my screen let me stop here#alien stage#alnst till#alnst ivan#alien stage till#alnst#alien stage ivan#ivantill
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HELLO HAPPY NEW YEAR ? TO THEM SPECIALLY ?!#!!"!*!! that's crazy I owe aisno my life I really do oh goodness gracious
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#ANGELLLMZJJZNZBBB#<- sanest person ever#I'M INSANE SHE LOOKS ??? BREATHTAKINGLY BEAUTIFUL??? THE DRESSSS OMG#girl that body of yours is ABSURD#THE GLOVES !!!! THE RIBBON ON HER HAIR THAT LOOKS LIKE CAT EARS !!!!#starting 2025 with a smile on my face and tears of joy in my eyes#i love my wife#DON'T GET ME STARTED ON ZOYA !;!!?;;#literally nobody looks better the her in suits. nobody#she had never ever looked bad in her whole life it's crazy#RAHUSHALOM ON THE BACK TOO AS ALWAYS 🔥🔥🔥#they're attached by the hip and always serving looks like it's their actual job#Shalom's fit is so woah with ghe full white + thorns#langley looks SO GOOOOOD as well#i love the accessories i love that zoya and langley are always on the same collabs/arts they're the visual couple ever#happy new year everyone may 2025 bring us more peak content (ptn) 🙏#zoya ptn#angell ptn#langley ptn#shalom ptn#rahu ptn#ptn zoya#ptn angell#ptn langley#ptn shalom#ptn rahu#ptn#path to nowhere
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Was thinking about periods that best suited them based on body type
#hey. joe's eyes are up there.#tog#the old guard#kaysanova#yusuf al kaysani#nicolo di genova#siggy draws#i drew again yeeeyyyyyyy#tears were shed. it's been a while since i had the time to actually draw and i have been not so great.#director's commentary: i feel like joe would have rocked the regency era because he's got them gams.#also him in green is just mmmmmm... and with the sideburns.#nicky has a really good silhouette for 15th cen. italian fashion. broad shoulders and slim waist. and his leggies.#and his peach ofc#you can totally tell which face i'm more familiar with drawing lol. i'm doing my best.#i feel like they look so girlypop sfgds i'm so annoyed i wanted them to look masculine
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i wonder if teru's gullible. i mean he seems to know that claw is bad news, but claw seems pretty straight forward about being evil. he also believed pretty quickly that reigen is claw's boss and psychic. or maybe he just goes with anything that aligns itself with his perception of the world.
#theres this hc developing in my head where since he fed off of people praising him and believed the world hierarchy that claw has been#making him believe and that had made sense to him since he was stronger than everyone else etc and since the first time he refused to#believe a claim someone made of him - mob - it had actually revealed itself to be true -- he now takes things at face value.#his enemies seem to be straight forward. and im thinking hed develop this bluntness to the world.#that and his role model being mob whos very blunt. i mean he tears down ritsu in their first meeting without much sugarcoating and i#remember during the world domination arc that he told hoshino and asahi that they were pretty useless point blank. also him confessing to#being lonely during the summer omake.#though there was that one omake where he skirts around confessing to edano about his wig and when he tells mob girls are watching him cuz#hes handsome. i guess that could be interpreted as him misunderstanding his surroundings. maybe his hair did grow out quickly because of hi#powers man idk it#was also a question during the second ova. what the fuck am i saying? i do think hed maybe try to be nice about it#when he realizes i cant just believe hes so tuned into peoples emotions after avoiding thinking about other people as above commoners for s#long. anyways this was my ted talk
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okay so I’m also adopting alluka. I have three children now
#gon killua and alluka are my babies now#finished hxh s5 today and got a couple eps into s6#I have cried SO MUCH this afternoon holy SHIT#I don’t think anything could have prepared me for the ending of s5 dude omg#I had actual tears running down my face several episodes in a row#eve's thoughts#eve watches#hxh
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ohh javieran … javieran post kieran’s death .., javier is a poor lonesome cowboy in america a long way from home with no more sweetheart to sit and talk with him ooohhh can anyone hear me ….
#someone on tiktok found poor lonesome cowboy in an old archival-esque book of cowboy and campfire songs and as soon as i saw this i gasped#ummm burst into tears actually ! thanks ! i’m so sad !#poor lonesome coyotito who parted from his city and who has no sweetheart to sit and talk with him ☹️#they make me miserable#i was just gonna put this in my drafts but i already have 15 drafts and i fear if i continue to put ideas in my drafts “for later’’ i will#never make another post again … so instead of setting myself up for disappointment i’m just gonna start posting like i do on twt#which is where i post every unfiltered thought i have :)#it’s MY blog and I get to make useless textposts constantly because i know im incapable of making any actual content atm#i’m hoping to draw something based off of this some day though :( i’m already having ideas#usually i sit in my mind palace and tinker with my au where kieran lives but unfortunately sometimes i must face reality and think about#javier’s loss and heartbreak in canon <//3#i need to rewatch kieran’s death cutscene and see where javier is and what he does because i’ll have to write his initial#response to grief depending on that :/#whether he’s frozen in disbelief or actively involved in the retrieval of kieran’s body (if he’s even around at all)#javier isn’t really the type to scream and sob out in pain in the moment but i do think that when he finally had a moment to himself (likely#all the way in chapter six considering how chaotic everything gets and how he’s involved in like … everything following that) (which also re#minds me that he literally goes and gets tortured in guarma immediately after losing his lover. i have to kill myslf. anyway.)#i think it probably hits him like a train and he begins to hack and throw up like the weight of grief is literally crushing his organs from#the inside out 😕 javier escuella the lover that you are sets you up for such devastating heartbreak im so sorry#idek how much i want to tag this. maybe ill pull a moss and start using my own tags for characters#rdr2#image#hero's talking to himself again#hero’s kieran#hero’s javier#hero’s javieran#just so i dont have to clog up tags 💛#i will tag#javieran#as normal though
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Challenge level: Impossible (Patreon)
#Doodles#Spoiler alert: I was in fact not normal about it lol#You can tell those first two are old by comparison for how short my hair was at the time lol#From back in July! I guess I just hadn't been drawing myself much there for a bit huh#As for that last one I swear I Promise I drafted this in September it's not a reference I'm just actually genuinely Like This lol#I didn't choose this life etc. etc. lol#From the top!#Burst of inspiration wherever could that have come from hehe <3 What could've happened in July that made me want to draw I wonder hehehe#Bit funny considering I fell off posting - not like the inspiration stopped! And what I Did draw was Very lol#I still have some of it in an ever-present photoviewer because I like being able to look at it at any point <3#Still inspired! Still want to do more studies!! So pretty ♥♪♫#Sleepy thoughts - I had my Pkmn Diamond/SoulSilver field dex/guides for all of like two months and then they were packed up again#And this was Before the Pokemon burst! Sheesh sheesh#I love my field guide dexes they're so neat and well-made ahh#I have got a couple craft projects still back-burnered - those papercrafts to do with Pokemon are still on the list!#A little Pokedex-notebook is so fun.......And I have Pokemon stickers that I could put in it or on it......ah........#I do want to! I will at some point the energy will return to it eventually#Alright so the main course lol#Went fabric shopping for plushies because yes I Am determined to Make Thing! Another that's been a bit backburnered - but I will!!!#I do still really want to it's turned out pretty good for far :) But while I was shopping!!#We did the usual small talk thing with the store employee like ''Oh what are you buying this for'' that whole back-and-forth#So I explained that I was making plushies and needed the tear-away stabilizer to draw the embroidery outline on#In my head I was being very tempered because while /I/ know that I'm making a Max plushie not many people are familiar with him (wrongly so)#Lol#So we continued and he was like ''Oh cool I've made some patches with embroidery :)'' so I asked of what and he lead with CotL's crown#And then-#Look Zarla's work was Already on my mind with Max as my project I was in a Delicate Way already do you really expect me not to talk about it#The answer was no and he walked away with a Vargas recommendation in his pocket I hope he enjoyed it lol#And I got my fabric and started work on Max's face it's fine it all worked out in the end it's all good it's great lol#I Was encouraged to come back with my finished project so that's on my to-do once I get him in a presentable state haha
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I would have gone with daddy to the woodshed if I'm being fully fucking honest
#got fucked in a graveyard by a guy whose face i never saw if that counts for anything#man being a gay kid was actually fucking dark???#like i had mimsy middle class theatre parents with gay friends so i always knew being gay was fine but still it turned out fucking difficult#probably because i bedded an entire generation of men who lived through the AIDS crisis#honestly the worst thing about heartstopper is that when i was fifteen we did drugs and my bfs dick practically split my pussy in two#and then i broke up with him after 2 months cos we had nothing in common he was just the nearest available gay guy#and he acted like i was tearing his heart out but i was like oh ok my time as an onstage prop in this production is now over.#i mean no shade he was a nice enough kid
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My english lyrics for Triage woo! (They're written out under the cut, I just wanted to share my lil chart lol)
Though I'm too indecisive to officially label this as my favorite song, it's had the strongest emotional impact on me by far. It holds a special place in my heart, I definitely wanted to write lyrics for it first! I'll leave all my rambling process commentary in the tags, but I was so happy with how it came out!!
All of those cards of promise thrown down carelessly,
This must be retribution for all I've taken endlessly.
If that were the case, it should have been fate for me to die.
That's the truth, given my crime, so why--?
No, I can't take it, to this cruel joke I'll submit. You
don't know, you can't know, but I'm ready to admit:
Killing for them, extracting for them, won't change the fact they're dead.
I need someone to tag me as RED.
It makes me sick (sick), it's too unpleasant. Sick (sick)
Is this punishment? What do you mean I'm INNOCENT?
I see, the world is cruel and leaves you on your own.
(I can't die) to atone. (I can't love) alone.
I can't be saved (saved), you've nothing to give. Saved (saved)
But what if I lived? Why else would you choose to forgive?
I see, there's lives to save so let's be sensible.
Right now, you need me, (I can be) indispensable.
Tilt to and fro, I know the scales should land on GUILTY for me.
Tilt fro and to, it's INNOCENT that they choose.
They cry (x4) out in pain, I can hear them. There's no one else, to guard their health,
My mission is offering help.
All of those cards of promise thrown down carelessly,
This must be retribution for all I've taken endlessly.
So if that's the case, then it must be fate to make amends,
Extract that fang before we meet the end.
It makes me sick (sick), it's too unpleasant. Sick (sick)
Is this punishment? What do you mean I'm INNOCENT?
I see, the world is cruel, but what I've realized is
(Now I want) to be INNOCENT. (Now I want) to live.
It makes me sick (sick), This wasn't my plan, hostages at my command.
Their future resting in my hands
I see, there's lives to save so let's be sensible.
Right now, please save me, (I will be) indispensable.
Maybe this was meant to be -- oh -- or maybe neither of us can know
There's lives to save so let's be sensible.
Right now, please save me, (I will be) indispensable.
---
I mentioned earlier that I always get annoyed with myself when people post translyrics and I can't figure out the rhythm they were going for, so here's a recording of me singing, but I'm bad at it! It's just for fun! Like a rough draft for music! Because the only thing worse than people hearing my voice is people thinking I can't count syllables!
#milgram#shidou kirisaki#lyrics#im real happy with how they came out :))#when i first got into milgram i started writing tear drop lyrics but got discouraged#(ill be revisiting them next but) it was so fun to work with this song!#i love the sound of it and had a great time creating my version#i wanted his repeated lines in the refrain to have a punch to them#and was SO satisfied giving the doctor 'sick' and 'saved' as his focus words#the mention of 'throw down' wasnt originally intended but it fit so well i just had to keep it asdfsd#i looked up an internet translation for 'Shinenai sentaku o ikenai ai o' because the official english line confused me#and it gave me 'i cant die. i cant go. i cant love.' and i loved that more than the official translation actually#really the only word that doesnt flow quite like id want is 'punishment' but the meaning/rhyme made me happy so i kept it haha#nothing can replace the sound satisfaction 'Yurayura tenbin yurusa naide hoshii noni/Yureteru yurushite hoshii to' gives me tho -_-#and i wanted a more open-mouth sound when he sings 'dattaka' the second time -- i absolutely love how he draws it out#but had to settle for what i could make work 🤷♀️#we are spitting in the face of cringe culture and posting my voice!!#some writers are okay if their complete vision doesnt make it across to the audience but Not Me#i gotta show my whole vision and draft 😂#oh and excuse his voicemail message LMAO#i love shidou with all my heart but i have to tease him about shoving his profession in our face every chance he gets#(did we ever get a translation for that btw?)#but yeah im always preaching to do arts and things youre bad at just because theyre fun so i figured id take my own advice#because it was a lot of fun to sing :3#and i dont know how to word this in the fans-having-collaborative-fun way and not a pretentious way#but if any of the milgram pals who like singing want to cover it hmu :D
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yeah im going to watch past lives again
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#had tears streaming down my face and neck on first watch. i actually need to see it again.#greta lee you are my sister through and through though#personal
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idk why it’s just coming to me now but I remember feeling this cold, white catharsis upon realizing that it wasn’t Freddie’s decision to give Glenn that panic attack. It was Anthony’s. And the way he said it, so finite, “Glenn is having a panic attack.” in a tone that was used before only to set up a disastrous scene.
It hurt, a lot, because in the weirdest way possible that’s exactly what having a panic attack is like. You’re sitting there with your world crashing down around you and then a disembodied narrator suddenly says, “This bitch shutting down.” (Distinctly in a Stanley Parable manner.)
#dndads#dungeons and daddies#glenn close#using the team’s actual names instead of ‘mr/mrs lastname’ was fucking traumatizing but I did it so nobody would get confused#anyway I wanted to say something in the tags that I couldn’t above because I can’t add breaks while on mobile#so tw for active shooter DRILLS if you’re reading this#one time. not too long ago#we had an active shooter drill at school while I was in orchestra#and as soon as I heard that my body went ‘oh hell no’ but I have anxiety so I ignored it#and we got outside#and the whole music department was huddled in the parking lot#and it was a beautiful day#and I was shaking#and I turn to my acquaintance maddie and I go#‘I think im having a panic attack’#and then I start laughing hysterically. and I bend over with a hand on her shoulder because there are tears streaming down my face#and my conductor bless his gay soul he comes over like ‘what is going on’#and I had to shuffle to the bhr while an imaginary shooter was in the school#because I tried to Not have a panic attack and besties. take it from me. nobody has IGNORED a panic attack and lived to tell the tale#anyway. glenn just like me fr LMAO
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the way my mom left the tvs in both the living room and her bedroom on as noise for the dog before she left... even though i'm literally here at home with him
#hi i'm alive but i am in Pain again (':#cancelled yet another counselling appointment bc this issue with my jaw has had me on the brink of sensory overload for over a week now#and i Can Not handle the drive or being out in public today like i would actually rather die#and i am out of muscle relaxers which are one of the few things that have significantly helped with the pain (''''':#i hate it here. i want to scream. i want to tear my jaw oFF OF MY FACE hougghghghghg#if things improve over the next couple hours i will try some writing again but it's so hard to focus on ANYTHIGN in this state so#idk!!!!! might just curl up in a ball on the floor instead!!!!#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.
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".... I must have looked real stupid from your point of view, huh? Hunting ghosts and shit."
"Nah, far from it. I was happy"
ok so how do you feel now that youve killed me.
#tears were streaming down my face at this scene.#actually.#real genuine tears#Alicia wilkershire after emotionally obliterating me the same night I had an essay due#silver thread spicaze
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