#I had a stress related flare up yesterday | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jamestrmtx · 4 years ago

Text

Fairytale Complex - [Undertale | Sans x Reader]

[Gender Neutral, Frisk's Parent Reader | Slow Burn]

Chapter Seventeen | Chill

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

Alternate Chapter Title: Rapunzel, Rapunzel

• • •

You wake up to an arm around your waist and a prominent numbness to your cheek, pressed up against a hard surface. There's the sound of the fan turned on to the highest level, providing some cold even with the thick blanket you can feel wrapped around you. The wall clock ticks by the distance and you can hear someone else's heartbeat apart from yours.

When you open your eyes and see who's the person you're with, you jolt out of the couch, stumbling to the floor. Your glasses are at the top of the monster's skull, held up by a thin shield of magic, and kept safe from being squashed while you slept against him. You take them, slip them on, and look around to assess your surroundings better to notice he's still sleeping on the very same corner and position you both watched the movie in. Your reflection on the television allows you to view marks on your cheek for how long you stayed that way. The next thing on your mind's checking the time, making you search around for your phone and find out it's seven in the morning, an hour of delay present in your schedule.

If it was around eight when you sat down with him and the movie lasted around two hours, you'd slept far more than necessary. Not only that, but you'd fallen asleep on the same couch as the person you were still trying to sort out your feelings for. You try to make some clearer memory of what happened after the movie ended, yet it's all clouded after the credits rolled.

The sound of the couch creaking makes you look back to the skeleton to see he's woken up, irises looking lost for just a fraction of a second before he sees you on the floor. Amusement blooms on his face, and he comments nothing as he offers his hand to you. You take it -- albeit, warily -- taking note on how much distance you keep between him and you.

No matter what happened yesterday, you weren't letting your guard down.

"From the looks of it," he says, grinning, "I'm guessin' you woke up first?"

You aim to reply, though you look away and let his hand go to cover up a yawn, said action helping shake your leftover grogginess aside. You take it again after, having it offered to you once more. "Yeah," you answer, sighing. "But do you… Do you remember what happened after the movie ended? My mind's all fuzzy."

He sits up straighter, tugs you off the floor, and lets go afterwards. While you're still disoriented, his face looks refreshed and his posture looks far more relaxed than you would ever expect it to be after spending so long sleeping that way: in a rigid and plain uncomfortable angle and with you weighing him down for what had to be longer than eight hours. "Sorry to break it to ya, but you fell asleep way before that, pal."

"So you just let me sleep on you the whole night?" You refuse to believe him, not only for how ridiculous that sounds, but for the hour it is, and what you had to do before going off to work. "I doubt it."

Too sudden for your liking, his expression changes from humoured to tense, and his gaze diverts from yours. "Wanna know the full truth, then?"

You nod.

He lets out a sound between a huff and a chuckle and says, "Frisk came in by the time the movie was almost over, blankets and all." His voice turns strained, and he has to take a break to recover, embarrassment found in it. "They tucked us in and left without a word, so I, uh… I didn't really know what to do after that."

Your phone alarm goes off, cutting the conversation short. You pick it up, turn it off, and fight back your curiosity over learning more about what happened last night, and just why you'd been so tired as to remember that little about it. Your work schedule was no different from usual, and you were even working less with the current weather, meaning there was no reasonable excuse for you to be defending your exhaustion. Even if you redeemed those lost hours by taking up extra shifts, and even if you were a lot more stressed with your research over monsters and deciding which ones were safe to have around Frisk, that was no reason for you to be like this.

If you were saving yourself some trouble by not needing to search for local babysitters anymore all thanks to having Toriel and other monsters around to help you with that, and if you had moments to spare like for the night spent at the hotel, then you should have more than enough time to rest.

You continue to fight back excuses with that same line of reasoning for each one and force yourself to focus on your goals.

A knock on the door sounds, leading you to stop your inner conflict to go get it.

Before you can even make a motion for the door though, Frisk rushes out of the hallway -- without sparing a glance at you or the monster -- and does just that, excitement clear and undoubted in their expression. They stand on their tiptoes and peek through the peephole before opening it. As soon as they do, their curious look changes for a smile. A bright gaze shows on their face and they swing the door open. They plunge the visitor into a hug, Brenda's name being called out along with it.

You're still adrift enough for your mind to take a while to process what's going on. You're not sure what to do anymore, and even less what to say in response to the sudden changes happening day-by-day. So far, you were plenty aware almost each and every monster Frisk knew had been involved one way or the other with the Royal Guard, leading to the conclusion they had all once sought after your kind.

That being said, what were you doing here, sleeping on the same couch with one of those people?

What confirmed Sans's words from yesterday were in any manner true, and what guaranteed he wouldn't go back to his former self had he the remote chance to?

You'd fallen asleep in the arms of the same man responsible for acting as a sentry for the Underground. You'd allowed him to enter your home, and had spent a night at the same hotel room as him. Even if he hadn't fulfilled his job exactly as it was commanded to him, you were still cautious of his presence, his actions, and the knowledge he kept hidden by remaining mellow and unbothered.

He used to engage in science, yet now he's just selling hot dogs and flirting himself to dead ends with you!

"We can't let her see you," you blurt out, remembering who's visiting. "She'll lose it if she thinks I'm dating you and that you sell hot dogs for a living!" Your words are hushed, but your worries still show through -- almost exclaimed, weren't you reminding yourself to keep quiet.

The skeleton flares his nose cavity and quirks an eye socket. "That's fine with me. But how're those two even related, though?"

When you hear Frisk is ending their talk with her, you grab Sans by the arm and lead him off to the hallway with you. You open the nearest door available and push him into the room with you. The most predictable predicament possible shows up when you turn around, lie against the door, and notice it's your bedroom -- thankfully tidy for the public to see.

"Trust me," you say, huffing, "She'll be angrier about those two things more than how that guy at the bus was with me." Feeling you need to clarify your words, you compose yourself and sit down on the middle edge of your bed, folding your hands over your lap as you fumble with your fingers. Then, you face back to the skeleton, meeting his irises. "Not that she'll be angry about who's the one I'm spending my time with, but she's just... very particular of who I let into my house after that whole thing with Jerry happened."

"But what does my job gotta do with anything?" he asks, chuckling, "Is she the type who doesn't see those kinda jobs as real ones?"

"Not exactly," you say, shifting on your seat. "I used to live from paycheck to paycheck -- the both of us, actually."

You breathe in deep and attempt to calm yourself down by closing your eyes for a while. Then, you sigh and open them. "She doesn't hate people with street jobs, but…" You hesitate, still needing to prepare to say the words, at least. "To quote her: 'Don't you ever dare bring someone else into this house again, unless they…" Your face is burning, yet you remind yourself it's best to be honest. If the monster had been that way with you yesterday, and if he wasn't toying around with you, you wanted to try doing the same. If he wasn't and you were exposing yourself far too much in comparison, that time would then come, and you would make sure to not trust him anymore. "They agree and prove to be a good, well..." You could drink another whole gallon of water were you to have it available right now. "...a good stepparent for Frisk."

You're still facing him directly; ironically, you can't bring yourself to look elsewhere. "She gave me that lecture a really, really long time ago, but I just can't find the courage to… to fight against that. I even wrote that day down in a journal to remind myself of my mistakes."

That seems to be enough for him to break the ice first, saying, "Your mistakes?"

"Who else's fault could it be? If I hadn't let Jerry off the hook so easily, then maybe Frisk could've been living a much better future. I… I could've given Frisk a happier life if I'd just refused to let him g-"

You cut yourself off when you notice he's sat down next to you, keeping an arm's length of distance between you. "You're worryin' too much about this." His gaze appears serious, though you don't want to take it that way, considering what you've confessed to him just now. "Maybe those first years were tough, but I'd say the kid's pretty happy now, and from the looks of Jerry, he's doing well, too. Even if he's bein' a real jealous jerk 'bout it these days."

Too lost in your thoughts, you don't notice you're tearing up until a drop falls on your lap, sleepwear soaking it in.

"You should throw that journal away -- or at least, rip that page off." A hint of mirth mixes with his concern, and his distance is now a hand's length apart. "...Not only 'cause you've already acknowledged where things went wrong, but 'cause you're only torturing yourself, always keepin' that with you."

You move closer to him, vanishing what distance remains as you let him hold your hand, eyes fixed on his face. "You-"

"Oh, hell no!"

By the voice alone and its sheer strength, you can already tell it's game over for you.

Brenda stands by the open door, moving her pronounced and unwavering glare between you and the monster. She takes in the situation, from the sight of a stranger in your bedroom, to you holding hands with him, and the fact you both still look like you've just woken up. While you don't blame her for assuming, you want to avoid bringing up discussions like those again. You were done with relationship drama for a lifetime, not only for how bad you were at managing stress, but for the needless trouble it could cast onto the remote lifestyle you've built through the years: keeping to yourself without getting too involved in the lives of others, no matter family, friend, or partner.

She enters the bedroom when the skeleton greets her in, a quick and simple 'nice to meet you' sufficient for her to stop near the door and settle all her attention on him.

"You're (Y/N)'s godmother, right?"

Sans stands up, his tone and posture both on equal levels formal as he offers his hand out to her. "I'm Comic Sans Serif. Former servant of the Royal Guard." Brenda takes it, though she still has a wary eye on him.

"And what's your relationship with (Y/N)?" she asks, unfazed. "I remember they were going to meet you at the train station a few months ago, but I do not see why you're allowed to be here."

An expression similar to when Frisk asked him if you were dating shows up, but he soon recovers and replies with, "Our relationship right now's the definition of 'it's complicated', but we're still pretty good friends."

"Define 'pretty good', mister Serif," she demands, keeping her hand in his. "Are you their man-friend, or something of the like? You… You don't really look like the most promising type of guy, I'll admit."

"Frankly, we're still workin' things out, but I don't mind being their 'man-friend', if that's what ya wanna call it."

While you would like to kick both him and your godmother outside or call them out on their blunt and plain audacious commentary, you stay back and watch as a dangerous, downright preying look unfolds from your godmother's gaze. She shakes his hand, but way too strong for it not to hurt, even for someone made primarily out of bones and magic. She squeezes hard enough to make the air bubbles between them pop and for you to hiss in response to the pain he's being brought into. When she lets him go, her gaze more than precipitates itself on you, capturing you similar to how a snake would do with a mouse. "My flight got delayed, I almost lost my soul with how much turbulence there was on the way here, and I'm still jet-lagged." Her scowl's as deep as her furrow, worsening by the second. "So either you explain to me what the hell went on these past few months I was gone, or we're going to have to talk soon."

You're not backing down without a fight -- confident in yourself or not.

"I'm an adult already," you reply, matching her scowl with a glare. "That was seven years ago, Brenda. I'm thankful for the help you gave me back then, but I don't need you lecturing me over who I should date anymore."

"I should if the guy you're dating willingly admits what's going on between you!"

"It's not like that!" You face his side for a moment, seeing he's still adjusting his hand back to mobility. "He's-"

"Are you really trying to defend him now, (Y/N)?" she snaps, stomping her foot and crossing her arms. "And are you really gonna let something like that happen again? He sounds worse than Jerry!"

"I've been alone since he and I ended." You try not to let your voice crack or falter, determined to be just as strong as her. "I get I screwed up that time, but I've learned and I'm still learning even now. You don't have to rub it in!"

"Oh, please." Brenda rolls her eyes and throws her arms up in the air, scoffing. "Then cry about it, why don't you? I just want what's best for y-"

"Then maybe I will, dammit."

You wipe a tear off your cheek, scowl, and head out of the room, not bothering to look back.

"Say whatever you want to say about me," you add, keeping your back to her. "But don't drag him into this. I feel bad enough as it is -- indecisive and... And just outright incapable of being honest about how I feel." You clench your hands and spare one last glance at her, holding back tears. "He's not joking. I… I could've told him to stop trying to flirt with me, and I could've said no when he offered to take me out for dessert, but I still went with it. And now I'm denying what's happening, l- leading him on knowing I can't devote myself to another relationship as serious as the last, and… And k- knowing I still hate myself for it." You wipe away the wetness on your cheeks, sniffling to prevent things from getting messier. "Everything feels like it's changing, except for me!" You pause and take a break, regaining some calm through a breath. "Frisk brought an entire civilization back with them here, you moved away as soon as you found a better job, and all the close friends I used to have are gone."

Another break, and another breath.

"Do I really have no right to move on?"

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

• • •

Important Notice

I got my first dose of the vaccine recently, and so now I'm in the process of resting away the tired/soreness it brought. Body says sleep and oof ouch my bones, but college says with great power comes great responsibility. Worth it, though!

...And of course, this means a change/delay in the update schedule until I recover.

For now, I'll try to update around once to thrice a week as customary, but on Tuesday, Thursday, and/or Saturday evenings/nights.

Still... I'm not making any long-lasting promises, lol. Y'all already know how finicky my health is!

As always, take care and stay safe. :-)

• • •

Tag List (Comment or message me if you want to be added to [or removed from] it!)

@the-simp-express

@nektotersh

@disastrous-l0vebug

@therealchickenjoe

@mintyflakes025

@pandaquick

@timelock97

@candle-creeps

@paperb9gs

#sans x reader #undertale x reader #lgbt #lgbt themes #gender neutral reader #male reader #female reader #mother reader #father reader #parent reader #chubby reader #long fic #romcom #adventure #mystery #platonic relationships #slow burn

25 notes · View notes

capricores · 4 years ago

Text

🔥 MARS RETROGRADE GUIDE 🔥

— BASICS/FAQ.

what is a retrograde? a retrograde, put simply, is when a planet appears to be spinning backwards in the sky. during the times of retrograde, the energy of a planet is turned inwards. retrogrades are not usually the best time to try activating the energy of that planet. you may feel blocked, held back, or stressed around the themes relating to that planet. it will be a very internal time for that energy in your chart; wherever said planet is (as well as the planets it strongly aspects), will be pushed into introspective mode by the retrograde planet. consider the word retrograde itself; it is a time to reflect, review, reinvent, repurpose, etc. generally not the best time for starting new things, initiation, and so forth; but it is possible.

what does mars represent? a lot of people make the mistake of just associating mars with sex and lust. and although, sure, it does connect to that; it’s so much more. mars is about our motivation, it’s our energy, our pursuit of our passions and desires, drive, aggression, confrontation styles, self-expression, confidence, etc.

does it affect me differently if my natal mars is retrograde? some people believe retrograde transits affect those with natal retrograde less strongly. personally, i haven’t really noticed that entirely. i have natal saturn retrograde, and i actually usually feel ease when saturn transits retrograde; it’s like my saturn becomes “normal”. however, i have friends with natal retrograde planets who feel no ease during transit retrogrades. so again, i think it’s very dependent on your entire chart and the aspects of the planets currently. even i had quite a difficult time during the last saturn retrograde and did not feel any sort of ease. this time could be slightly easier because you’re used to having mars energy pushed internally, but at the same time, if it strongly aspects your natal mars (especially a conjunction - and even hitting your other planets), it might just makes things even more tense and amplified. but overall, i’d say you’re safe to read the same information on mars retrograde impacts as anyone else.

— GENERAL & WHAT TO EXPECT.

mars in aries does NOT do well in retrograde. i personally imagine those of you that have never felt too affected by a mars retrograde, will absolutely feel this one: and it will hit hard. i’m not saying this as a way to invoke fear: everything will be fine. but the energy of this retrograde is especially heavy, considering all the planets mars is currently harshly aspecting (saturn, pluto to name the standouts). the issue here is, mars & aries are both excited energies. they are bold, brash, reactive; they are initiators. they like to act before thinking. they are full of energy, passion and aggression. the retrograde is about (over)thinking before acting, slowing down, reflecting, turning inwards (mars energy likes to stay outward; noticed; loud), etc. the concept of retrograde opposes everything mars represents; especially when mars is in it’s ruling sign of aries; who greatly reflects mars’ energy.

mars rarely stations retrograde as well; usually every two and a half years (i believe), and it very rarely does so in aries. because most of us aren’t used to this planet stationing retrograde (unlike mercury, who likes to retrograde multiple times a year), it seems to just hit harder. i also want to specifically mention the fact this mars retrograde will be squaring saturn. mars square saturn is a very difficult aspect; i am someone that has this in my natal chart and it’s quite frustrating. saturn is about restriction and caution; mars is more fearlessness and recklessness. right now, it feels like saturn is holding mars’ energy back even more than the retrograde is. it’s not allowing the uninhibited expression of the mars energy. we may feel a lot of blockages in relation to the common themes shared by mars and saturn (especially career, work, pursuit of passion; as well as responsibility, control, power - authority figures, etc).

some general things to expect, regardless of your mars placement:

headaches: unfortunately; this is going to bring a lot of headaches, literal ones (although figurative ones as well). i think general body aches are going to be common due to the fact mars is aspecting so many planets. namely the saturn aspect will probably cause a lot of full body/bones/joint/muscle soreness, and probably a lot of toothaches and similar issues. i can even see abdomen/pelvic pain flaring because the pluto aspect. make sure you’re taking very good care of your health right now and see a doctor when you need to! (i’m not hugely into medical astrology, but i do notice these type of mars and saturn transits personally coinciding with an increase in headaches, toothaches, and overall soreness- for me and friends at least)

passive aggression, irritability, unnecessary hostility, arguments over pointless things, people who tend to bottle finally exploding, high tension

strong lack of energy, motivation, drive: lethargy and exhaustion are common (but again, be careful and see a doctor if these things are extreme)

tension in workplace environments; coworker disagreements, namely issues with management (power struggles)

feeling very blocked in terms of your goals; again especially in regards to work and your passions

you may also feel very blocked in relationships/pursuing relationships

likely an increased sex drive: i think all the tension and energy turning inwards is just pushing some people to maximum overload lol

confusion regarding passions/goals/relationships/etc: because we’re doing so much reflecting on mars themes, you may start doubting your wants/goals/interests/relationships/etc (depends on the transit house/aspects) as you’re thinking about them so much. it’s not inherently bad; reflection is a great thing! just be wary of overthinking. don’t be shocked as new things come to light and you start getting the urge to change paths, methods, etc

realization of mistreatment/acting on such: this is a BIG theme and i think we clearly see it in our world right now. since mars is/will be in harsh aspect to so many other planets representing power, control & authority (saturn & pluto) as well as jupiter who represents expansion, growth & excess; a lot of us are going to start setting boundaries. we’re going to be rethinking the times we’ve been mistreated, taken advantage of, the things we’ve let slide but shouldn’t have, and so forth. we’re especially noticing those abusing excess (jupiter) amounts of power (saturn/pluto/mars) both in our lives and in the world. this is THE time to start making and setting new boundaries; putting your foot down and denying those who don’t deserve your energy any sort of access to you! it may be a bit of a painful time if we’re reflecting on moments of abuse and similar; so take care of yourselves and please stay safe!

if you’re interested in what to expect/predictions based on what house(s) mars is transiting in your chart, as well as what to expect based on your natal planets that square/opposition/conjunct or quincunx mars; i’ll be making a post about such on patreon in a few days (i’ll add the link here when it’s up!). the patreon post also includes questions to ask yourself based on where mars is transiting for you, to help with your retrograde reflection/healing/journaling/etc!

if you’re familiar with astrology, just note the house mars is transiting through in your chart right now will show what area of your life is especially inward and lacking motivation. that’s where you’ll especially be needing to reflect on mars-related themes such as power, drive, expression, confidence, etc (same goes for the planets it is aspecting in your natal chart).

— ADVICE.

think hard before acting; don't jump into things without lots of consideration - much like venus retrograde be cautious of starting and ending relationships on impulse (end bad relationships tho pls!!! this is a great time for that!!! i just mean this in a way of like; if your significant other gets on your nerves once in a while and you wanna leave- think it over a few times; and also don’t jump into a relationship with someone you met yesterday)

don't start arguments/confrontations unless absolutely necessary (think: will this fight really benefit me, why am i REALLY upset right now, etc). i think it’s extremely important right now to make sure we aren’t bottling and exploding on people/in situations that don’t deserve it and weren’t the main cause of our frustration

exercise, stretch; do something physical to release energy from your body, if you can! mars is a very physical planet so any sort of movement can help a lot (just again be careful as always)

be gentle on yourself! it's okay if you need more rest during these times, don't be too hard on yourself for hitting roadblocks in goals - take this time to plan, think through what you really want, figure out how you’re gonna go for it and achieve this; then act after the rx or when you have more energy

start setting more boundaries; realize who does and doesn’t deserve to be in your life. realize that self-worth and how amazing you are!

ko-fi for tips 😊

#astrology #mars #retrograde #mars retrograde #mine #hope this helps you guys! sorry the post is so late!#i apologize for making the house interpretations patreon exclusive but a girl has got to pay rent 😭#ill have it up in a couple days!!!#its like half done but im trying to make it really extensive so its taking a while

132 notes · View notes

zephyrshadoe · 4 years ago

Text

So I saw a bunch of young adults exercising on the hill yesterday. They were all so fit and skinny and beautiful. I will admit to feeling jealous and depressed.

I decided I wasn’t going to let that control me and rather than being jealous I should actually do something to achieve my desired goals. So, the next day I got dressed, struggled for about an hour to leave the house (agoraphobia & PTSD), and went for a walk on the hilly road.

Andddd... was promptly reminded of why I don’t go out and try to exercise often. 5 minutes in and I couldn’t breathe (asthma). My airways were constricting and I couldn’t get enough oxygen. Had to sit down in the dirt on the side of the street and just wait it out and hope it didn’t get worse because I’d forgotten to bring my inhaler in my single-minded determination to leave the house. Luckily, I recovered after a long wait and walked back to the house at an old lady shuffle. (Btw I’m so lucky it didn’t get worse, I could have been in serious danger)

I walked back in to the house and immediately used my inhaler. I stumbled through the door to my room feeling defeated and depressed and really, really hot from exertion and stress. Oh no. I check, and yep. I’ve got a rash starting to spread across my chest, arms, legs, stomach and back (cholinergic urticaria). For some reason I had naively thought (hoped) it had disappeared. Kinda like a childish “I wished it was gone so badly it magically went away”. It didn’t. It was still there. And becoming more itchy and painful with each passing second. I knew the best way to head off the worst was to take a cold shower but I’d have to work to get past my fear of them. With a combination of anxiety coping skills, breathing exercises, and the growing pain from the rash I got in. It soothed the worst of it but I still had red bumps all over that would occasionally flare with itchy pain. (I still do now, cant wear a bra or underwear, only loose fitting baggy clothes)

With that semi emergency taken care of to the best of my ability I was able to reorient myself and realized my feet were burning. They felt like they were on fire (unknown maybe tendon, maybe arch, maybe other, problem). It was a tearing, burning, pain. I knew I couldn’t stand for long periods of time without getting it but apparently walking up/down hills makes it much worse because it didn’t normally get that bad, that fast and definitely surprised me with it’s intensity. I got some pain medicine and sat down and tried to relieve some of the pain by massaging them. I’m pretty sure it was a placebo and just made me feel better because I was doing something.

Finally, FINALLY, I collapsed on the couch upset and dejected and still feeling the physical reminders of my pitiful attempt. I felt depressed and heartbroken. Like a failure that just wasn’t good enough. I couldn’t do what those people I saw did. I would never look like those people did. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t be like them. It was sobering.

With some time to process now, I realize I can’t compare myself to perfectly able bodied and able minded individuals. It’s only going to hurt me. And I need to remember that I have limits. And that those limits are very different from the average person. But that having those limits and following them doesn’t make me any less of a person.

Even as I’m typing it now, I don’t really believe it fully, but I want to. This post is a reminder to myself of all of this. And to hopefully not make stupid, self destructive decisions in the future that only result in me hurting myself. I also hope someone who struggles similarly or who feels similarly will see this and realize they’re not alone in their experiences, everyday battles, struggles, and feelings.

If you’ve felt something similar or had something similar happen and are comfortable with sharing, feel free to. I personally, am comforted by the thought that I’m not alone. That I’m not an anomalous broken thing to be hidden away. That I’m not isolated by experiences that no one else can understand or relate to. If you have any advice on how to deal with these feelings around limitations and lack of ability I’d also love to hear it. I am a struggle bug, struggle bugging through life and would love to meet other struggle bugs.

#spoonies #spoonie life #spoonie problems #chronic illness #mental illness #mental health #disabled life #disability #og zeph

20 notes · View notes

lantur · 4 years ago

Text

notes for today,

I've been so sluggish and tired for most of this month, "living life on hard mode" like I occasionally describe it, and just feeling slow, like I'm moving through molasses most of the time. It finally clicked in my mind today and I was like oh, I'm going through a flare up of some low-grade depression again.

It's not completely unexpected, since I've had two really hard work things this week that I've been apprehensive about (clinic on Monday, and a big virtual educational event taking place tomorrow that I've been working on planning since early December.)

With that stress + winter, pandemic fatigue, lack of socializing outside of tumblr, etc., it's totally normal for my mood to have taken a downturn. It does every February, and that's without the pandemic. I'm confident that things will improve as March and April arrive and spring comes. It's only a matter of a couple of weeks, probably.

It's been hard to get work done when I'm feeling like this. I'm proud of myself because I've pushed through it and gotten my important work done each day. I feel very grateful for having a job where if I'm feeling depressed, I can adjust my own workload slightly for a few days and catch up when I'm feeling better. I'm also really grateful for being able to work from home, with Derek and Westin around for company and support. My job is not always a great fit for my personality, but it's very compatible with my mental health-related needs and I appreciate that.

Other notes,

I made a really good meatloaf with mushrooms yesterday ❤️ We had edamame on the side yesterday and I had broccoli and cheese on the side today and it was so good!! I love roasted broccoli topped with cheese.

I'm really happy with progress on the whole "eating more vegetables" and "cooking more new recipes" goals for this year :)

I got invited to represent my organization at the Michael J. Fox Foundation's (virtual) Day on the Hill about a month from now. The goal is to encourage policymakers/members of Congress to increase federal funding for Parkinson's disease research. I've never been invited before and hopefully next year I can get invited again and attend in person. :)

#lanturing

17 notes · View notes

fuzziemutt · 4 years ago

Text

Do You Understand ?

Chapter 4/9 - Link to MasterList in reblog

Summary: Okay maybe not telling anyone anything wasn’t such as a good idea... Especially your dad the guy who’s job is to investigate things...

Tw: dissociation caused by trauma response.

The signing process didn’t last long. The landlord was fairly straight to the point, and she couldn’t know that he had already finished reading the pages set in front of him before her explaining what the rules were and what needed to be signed. She didn’t seem to comment on Connor’s lack of emotional responses to things or how his face appeared to be stuck in perpetual angry limbo. In fact, she seemed to be more understanding than any of his “friends” were and not taking offense when his attention wandered elsewhere when she droned a bit about policies he already knew. She even smiled at him at one point and it was weird to Connor how he just realized how rarely anyone smiled (most from Nines) so genuinely at him without hidden intentions.

Afterwards, he retrieved the keys from her and hiked up the singular bag to head upstairs to the 4th floor for his room. He caught a sadness and sympathy in her eyes that he really wasn’t sure where it was coming from. Was she humanizing him? Makes sense with this beanie hiding his LED, but he still couldn’t decipher what she was assuming about him. He pushed it from his mind as he unlocked the door and walked in, locking it behind.

He wasn’t sure what he expected. It was very barren, desolate with all the lights shut off like this. The sun was already starting to set and began casting long shadows inside. He didn’t mind since he could just see in the dark, but it felt lonely like this. He turned on the main living room light at the least since the apartment was open planned with only a small island wall separating the kitchen. Two doors on the far end were assumed to be the bedroom and bathroom. On the right were fairly large windows to let light in in the morning and there was even a slim door that led out to a small patio with railing of sorts that might be able to house a plant or two at most. There were even two storage closets near the door and near the kitchen, that one actually contained a washer and dryer duo unit now that he thinks about it. He knew he knew the actual layout of this place with no problem, but he just didn’t care. It didn’t matter much to him really. As an android, he really didn’t need much to work with, just his charging port that he packed with him if he was honest. Or at least he’d make sure that was all he needed.

Trying one of the further doors, he found the bathroom, bare minimum with tub, toilet, sink and small wall mirror. The bathroom was also connected to the room through their shared wall so he just used that door to go into the bedroom. It was big enough to hold maybe a standard bed and small dresser at most but again that didn’t bother him. The wall had one of those in built closets like Hank had and it somehow flares the pain that had settled low in his abdominal cavity and refused to leave. It didn’t matter because he was doing this to protect himself and make everything easier for everyone else. This was to make it far easier to separate himself from everyone. To hide. So he plopped his bag down and set about unpacking his very pathetic amount of items. Tomorrow he’ll deal with furniture truly; he’ll most likely just order it online and figure out pick up/delivery then too.

He relaxed a bit against one of the walls when his internal phone started ringing again. Hank. Shit.

“Hello, Lieutenant.”

“Hey, Connor.” Oh that didn’t sound good. He had that stern voice put on, like a dad about to lecture his kid.

“What can I offer you with this call,” Connor really wasn’t sure where to go with this.

“So I called Markus when I got home.”

“Mhm.” The alarm bells in Connor’s head went off. He knew relying so heavily on miscommunication would backfire. Idiot.

“And asked him about that little meeting you supposedly had today to ask if it would be alright if I came by to pick you up so you weren’t going home alone. Since you told me about that little worry of yours earlier.”

“Yes.” Connor felt the panic start to rise inside him a bit, his voice kept leveled and his face calm, but internally? Freaking out.

“Where are you, Connor?” and there it was. He was fucked. Okay lying would be the stupid thing to do right now.

“I’m at New Jericho, I’m not sure what you’re asking?” Connor auto replied. He needs to do a diagnostic on that top notch Social Relation Protocol.

“Oh really,” Hank’s voice turned low, “Don’t fucking lie to me right now unless you want to dig your grave deeper, Connor.”

Connor stayed silent worried his auto replies might do just that.

“Hmm well Markus also told me an interesting tidbit. Apparently yesterday you blew up on everyone and fucked off. Heavy topics and no big deal, my ass!” Connor could tell that Hank was getting riled up.

“Where. Are. You. Connor,” Hank said with much more aggression after Connor continued to stay silent.

Connor really didn’t know what to say. Hank was bound to find out he so unceremoniously moved out, he wasn’t sure why he was even hesitating right now to tell him that.

“I noticed this morning that your clothes were missing from the bathroom, and I found it odd, but I just assumed you moved them. Yet when I got back home and actually started looking, I noticed that it seems all your stuff is gone! Even the fucking manta ray plushie is gone!”

Connor really didn’t know why he thought Hank wouldn’t notice this quickly especially since he was already suspicious of Connor since this morning too. He took a deep breath to prepare himself for what was about to happen.

“WHERE-”

“I’m in my apartment,” rushed out of Connor in one synthetic breath.

Hank didn’t answer for a couple seconds. “Your apartment…”

“Yes.”

“When the fuck have you had an apartment? In fact, how do-”

“Just last night.” Connor focused on just trying to keep calm. He could do this. He was an interrogator. Just treat this as an interrogation.

“Last night… and when did you think you’d tell me about this?! Did you think you could just book it with your shit, and I wouldn't notice!” Hank could be loud when he wanted to be. And honestly, Connor did think he wouldn’t care enough to notice for at least a day or two. It’s not like Connor owned that many items in the first place to notice gone as proven by the sad bag slumped next to him on the floor.

“I knew you would notice, but I was uncertain on how to approach the topic. I thought I would have more time to tell you, but I assumed wrong.”

“Damn right you assumed wrong! How could you not understand-”

Connor didn’t even register whatever was said next. He heard that accursed word and felt himself shut down. The panic receded just as quickly as the tsunami of that same anger from yesterday overwhelmed him in seconds.

“Don’t say that word,” He didn’t even notice he murmured anything from the haze surrounding him until Hank went silent and asked a far quieter “what?” than his prior volume.

“Don’t say that fucking word,” Connor stated far louder. He distantly felt how tense his whole body seemed to have become, fists trembling and he wouldn’t doubt his LED was burning bright red under the beanie he still had yet to remove.

“I don’t understand. What word?” Hank asked, confusion clear in his voice. There also seemed to be a bit of concern that Connor’s system registered, but he ignored that as that was impossible.

Connor couldn’t handle it, the feelings inside were too much, and he didn’t want a repeat of yesterday. He could control himself. Cyberlife drilled into his head how he had to stay calm and in control at all times. He can’t fail this simple rule.

So he simply shut everything down. He quickly quarantined everything. He immediately cut his call with Hank as it was his source of stress. He needed everything to shut down. To not think. Hank kept trying to call him back, to get some sort of answer, but it was too late. Connor disconnected from everything and felt himself float off. This was much nicer, just not aware of anything. That anger and panic was all gone. The guilt too. He was just existing, his body’s eyes stared unblinking, unmoving at the wall ahead. Sure it was dangerous how he wasn’t able to register anything nor had any clue where he was anymore, but it was quiet.

Eventually, he slowly returned to his body. Became aware of the twitching of his fingers, the gentle rise and fall of his chest, the sounds of cars passing outside below him. He blinked and came back into himself looking around and noticing it was far darker than before. Checking his internal clock showed that he lost 2 hours to whatever that was. He couldn’t help the annoyance he felt from apparently having another malfunction happening to him. The anger and emptiness from yesterday weren’t necessarily a malfunction, but he shouldn’t be able to lose control of himself like that (thus he was malfunctioning). He lost control of himself in a different manner here and still felt himself almost floating even now. Checking his notifications revealed countless number of missed calls from Hank, Nines, Mark, even North and numerous texts and internal messages, but he just ignored them again. He clearly needed to cut himself off from them all. They were causing him to glitch and fail like this by overwhelming him beyond his control. He can’t let that happen.

After some shuffling, he managed to set up his charging port, plugged himself in and set himself into stasis.

#i write #dbh #detroit: become human #connor rk800 #hank anderson

13 notes · View notes

coastaldragon · 4 years ago

Text

Dragon Diary 1/7/21

So...this is my resolution for the year.

I wanted to start a kin-related diary. I found myself missing how often I used to muse about myself and my experiences here, and have long since felt...detached from myself. Stuck in the loop of going through the motions of “human.”

A week late on my first entry, but so it goes.

These entries will just be flow-of-consciousness blabbles for the most part. I’ll talk about any kin-related thoughts I’ve had that day, how I’ve been feeling, how my otherkinity has affected my day, etc.

I have a lot of catching-up to do with you all, so the first few entries may seem disjointed and a little long. Lets get started. This is long. And a bit negative. But hopefully they won’t all be.

cw for death and drug mention and health talk like needles and stuff

I don’t quite remember why I dropped Tumblr like I did. I think I was getting annoyed at all the UI changes, and just overall very busy with “real life.” These things happen. I slowly drift away from a platform. Sometimes for weeks, months, or years in this case. Then I’ll drift back. Kind of like a scrap of wood on the waves.

In the time I’ve been gone life has been...interesting. The source of the stress that caused me to awaken in the first place is gone. He OD’d in...2014? 2015? Some time around there. My grasp of time is worse than ever.

We hadn’t even known he’d be using anything. Turned out he was stealing my late father’s remaining fentanyl supply. One of those guys who preys on widows like my mother. He lied about everything. His entire past as we knew it was a lie. And he was just leeching off of us.

It was...hard. I was the one who found his body upon getting home from work. My mother is still traumatized, even now. Even after all he did. She did love him.

I think all that hardened me quite a bit. And I’m sad for it. I’m still trying to soften myself again, but my trust has never been shattered like that before or since.

My now health is...poor. I had a great job working at an independent pack-and-mail sort of place for a few years. Very laid back, when the customers were nice. Helped me build a lot of strength and muscle. Quite enjoyed showing off by hefting 50lb boxes onto my shoulders. Helped me feel less weak in this squishy human body of mine.

But about...2 or 3 years ago [again, time is a myth to my brain] I woke up and my shoulders were just.

Locked.

It felt like someone had stuck paint spanners under my shoulder blades or something. Not only that, but I was weak. I barely had the strength in my arms to lift a half gallon of milk in the morning.

We thought I’d just hurt myself showing off, somehow. So we gave it some time. Took ibuprofen, used pain creams. Took a few days off work.

But it didn’t get better. It got painful. And the moreso. And moreso. And then my back began to have trouble as well. It was spreading. I felt...ill.

So. Doctors. Tests. More bloodwork than I’ve ever had in my entire life. [10 vials at once for one appt!]

My primary, who is a garbage person I never wish to see again, insisted it was just a sprain. Or something. Whatever. But I knew it wasn’t. My mother knew it wasn’t. Everyone I knew knew it wasn’t.

Specialist time! At the behest of my cousin, who has a litany of autoimmune disorders, we hooked up with a rheumatologist. Who I will call Dr.M.

Dr.M is an angel on Earth. I am convinced of it. A full year he spent with me, ordering tests, trying treatments, working with me to figure out what the hell was going on. And we did. And what a mouthful it is.

Ankylosing spondylitis. No, it’s not a dinosaur. [Though I do think I’m ‘hearted for ankylosaurines...I don’t think it’s related lol!]

You can look it up if you like. But basically: My immune system is fucking crazy and attacks all the things. Most places describe it as being a lower spine disorder, and while that is certainly where its centralized in most folks, that’s not all it is.

For example mine is, obviously, centralized in my shoulders and upper back. But it does aaaaaaaaaaall sorts of crazy shit. Every day is different. Joint pain, exhaustion, GI trouble, stomach upset, lack of appetite, murderous migraines. The usual for an autoimmune illness. But also wacky shit like costochondritis [painful inflammation of the cartilage of the ribs], random organ inflammation like in my kidneys [not fun], lungs [I had a 3-month stint of chronic bronchitis last winter], and even my heart [very not fun.] Sometimes it likes to attack my “integumentary system” aka shit like my skin and hair meaning I’ll have weeks where my hair just. Sheds. Like a damn cat. It gets everywhere and w/ my long-ass quarantine hair it’s so annoying.

This attack dog immune system does mean it’s unlikely for me to catch little bugs like your common colds and stuff, which is appreciated. But it also likes to maul anything else it deems foreign. Like medication! I took Humira shots for a few months and had a “paradoxical reaction” aka it did the literal opposite of what it was meant to, because the injections pissed off my immune system so much it went scorched-earth on whatever it could. Mostly my thighs, since that’s where the injections were. I still get stabbing pain in them and it’s been over a year. [No, I don’t think I can sue Humira over this. Though I have discussed it w/ my Dr.]

This also means that if I do get sick, it’s bad news. Something strong and unique like COVID? Death. Deaaaaaaaaath. Would likely trigger something called a “cytokine storm” aka my immune system nukes everything and my organs die and so do I.

So guess whoooooooo’s been locked up at home for almost a full year now? :’)

I luckily am able to work from home, though it barely pays the bills, and my health has suffered from a lack of being able to Do Stuff I normally would.

As a result I decided to get back in touch with myself.

It started with Second Life, because of course it did. A new dragon avatar came out. Shiny and mesh and easy [by SL standards] to modify. So me and a few friends [some kin, some not] made a group for sharing stuff for the av and just hanging out. It’s fallen by the wayside unfortunately but those nights spent chilling in SL with a bunch of other dragons roaring and goofing off felt really really good.

And then I made a kin Twitter. [And found some exceptionally cool kinfolk in the process.]

Then came Othercon the virtual otherkin convention and OtherConnect, the Discord spawned from the community that rapidly formed within the con. Othercon felt incredible. Panels and lectures about the history of otherkinity and alterhumanity and how we are today and rep in the media and just so! Much! Cool! Stuff! And tons of great kinfolk too!

To not only be within a community but seeing others like me and speaking with them, not just typing back at words on a screen. It was...so very, very reaffirming. It felt like a second awakening almost. I wanted to cry for finally, truly not feeling alone.

And now I’m here. Because I need to be. Because something, deep down, is telling me I’m going to be needing myself sometime soon. So I’d better get started.

I hope I don’t drift away on the tide again. I’ve missed this site, worse for wear as it is.

But I’m a bit tired today. A nasty headache lingering from yesterday’s nastier flare up. Accursed cold fronts. I used to enjoy them but not so much these days. Ah well.

I know there wasn’t much kin talk in this first entry, but as I said, we had a lot of catching-up to do!

#Diary 2021 #dragonkin #otherkin #I'll tag these for now but if folks would rather I didn't I'll keep them to myself. :>

7 notes · View notes

srsly-messed-up-fruitloop · 4 years ago

Text

Tug of War (Ch 4)

ch 1 - prev - next

Word Count: 2,816

Final exam season had finally come. To say the seniors of Casper High were stressed was an understatement, college application deadlines were also quickly approaching.

Wes Weston however, was stressed for a whole other reason. His attempt before winter break to awaken the angry ghostliness in Fenton wasn’t enough. He only saw Fenton ripping out all the decorations, without glowing green eyes or anything else ghostly he could catch on camera. And to make manners worse, the school’s caretaker blamed him for leaving shattered ornaments in the halls so he winded up with detention. It wasn’t even his fault!

Read on AO3 or under the cut

Stealing another glance at the classroom’s wall clock, he scowled when he realized that he still had twenty minutes to burn until his computer science exam ended.

Might as well not let this time go to waste. Pushing aside his completed exam, he grabbed a scrap piece of paper and began to brainstorm other ways to infuriate Fenton. He stole a glance at Fenton’s sidekick, Foley, hastily writing away. Frowning, he turned back to his page.

Meanwhile, for Danny, he has never felt this anxious ever before in his life.

Before, when he was barely scraping by in class, he was beginning to accept that his dreams would remain as that. Just dreams. Protecting the town would always come first. He became indifferent to his grades because 1) he’d convinced himself that he was a bad student, nothing could change that, and 2) it wasn’t that important anyways. He could deal with his parents’ disappointment.

However, after dealing with his exhausting responsibilities for a few years now, he finally learned to properly manage his time. And it showed when he found out he ended last year with a B+ average.

He told himself it was just a fluke, there’s no way Danny Fenton could get those grades. At most, he was a C- student. Yet, a tiny spark of hope flared up and drove Danny to try harder this year. Perhaps it was just a fluke, but who knows? What if it happened again?

And when it kept happening, sometimes even getting back A’s on his tests, then it hit him. He was actually capable of doing well in school.

Allowing himself to believe that meant that his childhood aspirations were possible. But, there was always that question in the back of his mind: What if this all was just a fluke? His luck could run out anytime. He could easily fail all his exams and lose his chances. And what then?

He could not come back after letting himself believe that he had a future to look forward to. Of all the times he had barely escaped being destroyed by his enemies, it didn’t compare to the mounting fear he had of not getting into college.

That fear was only accentuated by his stressed classmates. Danny felt ill every time he heard Star talking about all the schools her brother was rejected from, Mikey and Nathan discussing admission cutoffs, and practically everyone going into a panic when their average lowered. Even Dash was worried about meeting his minimum requirement for his football scholarship.

Thing is, Danny couldn’t even look forward to college itself. Don’t get him wrong, he likes learning, especially about space. But he would have to endure four more years of school, plus another two for a masters.

At first, he just told himself to suck it up. It was a necessary sacrifice.

Now though, he was conflicted. He had to do his undergrad in some science-related college program to be eligible for the space program. However, what if he ended up in an undergrad program he didn’t like? He’d be stuck with it. What if college is too hard for him? He could very well fail everything and get kicked out. Then he wouldn’t even be able to continue to get a masters. And of course, the biggest question of them all: would he able to handle juggling his ghostly responsibilities and college for the next six years? Heck, with how stressed out Jazz seems these days, how much worse would it be for him?

Danny was simultaneously afraid of both getting in and not getting into college.

“Hey Danny, you alright?” asked Sam.

Like always, he pushed these worries away into that overcrowded space in the back of his mind. “Yeah, ‘m fine,” he mumbled before rereading the same sentence in his textbook for the twentieth time.

“Are you sure? We could just take a bre—”

Suddenly, his ghost sense went off.

Danny gripped his bleeding forearm. He just needed it to clot, then his self-healing would eventually kick in. But it wasn’t clotting. He worriedly watched as his blood tinged with ectoplasm dripped onto the floor. This wasn’t good.

He looked up at Sam with desperate eyes, who bit her lip. “Hang on, I think have something that’ll help. Be right back,” she assured before scurrying from their secluded refuge under the staircase.

She returned not even a minute later, holding a flat square object wrapped in colourful plastic. Danny’s eyes widened and before he could even protest, she unpackaged and wrapped it around his wound.

Sam’s gaze hardened when he started squirming away. “Danny, it’s just a pad.”

“Bu—”

“It’s either this or one of your socks. Now relax, we need to get the bleeding to stop before next period.”

“What’s next period?”

“Bio exam, remember?”

“Dammit.” He thumped his head against the wall.

“It’s okay, we’ve still got a bit of time bef—”

The two teens tensed as they heard footsteps coming from the height of the staircase.

“Danny, quick, hide it!” she said in a panicked whisper.

“How am I supposed to hide a bleeding arm?!” he quietly exclaimed.

She huffed at his reply before swiftly releasing her pressure on his arm, rolling up his sweater sleeve over the pad, and using his other hand to press on the wound again through his sweater.

“Ah, hello Mr. Fenton, just the man I was looking for. And Ms. Manson,” Lancer greeted, suspiciously eyeing how close the two teens were sitting. He wasn’t naive, he was aware of what some of his students get up to in these secluded areas of the school. “I’m sorry to interrupt, can I have a word with you Daniel?”

“Mr. Lancer, I swear I-I...”

“Relax, you’re not in trouble. I’d just like a moment to speak with you.”

“Uh…” Danny hesitated.

“If this is not the best time, you can always speak to me later. Although, I implore you that you should see me sooner than later on this matter.”

“Oh…okay.” He glanced at Sam, who was frowning in worry. Forcing a reassuring smile on his face, he stood up from her and followed Lancer to his classroom.

As they walked through the halls, he tried to arrange his arms in a more casual position while placing a little more pressure on the wound.

“Mr. Fenton, I recall reading that you aspire to become an astronaut from one of your essays in 9th grade,” Lancer mentioned as he unlocked his classroom’s door.

Following him into the classroom, Danny replied warily, “Uh...yeah?” How the heck did Lancer remember something so miniscule from something he wrote ages ago?

His English teacher approached his desk and grabbed something from a drawer. “Have you heard of the Young Astronauts program?” he asked, presenting a pamphlet to him.

“No?” Danny momentarily released his hold on his injured arm to accept it, only to regret when he felt something warm drip down his arm. Shit! He held the pamphlet with his index and middle finger while quickly resuming his hold, praying for nothing to bleed through his sleeve. Why won’t it clot already??

Meanwhile, Lancer scrutinized his unusual movements for a moment before continuing, “I’ve been informed that this program fast tracks you to becoming an astronaut at NASA. Though it’s very competitive, once in, you only have to complete a four year practical program before you’re fully eligible for the space program.”

“Really?” He used his thumb to flip through the brochure, getting more excited as he read the outline of the program. However, once he reached the admission requirements section, his excitement suddenly deflated. “What makes you think I can get in?”

“Daniel, if you maintain what you have right now, your grades will be good enough for the requirements. Also, I’d be more than happy to write that letter of reference for you,” he smiled warmly.

His teacher’s sincerity caught him by surprise. “Oh, uh...thanks Mr. Lancer.”

“Anytime. Now, I think there’s an email at the back to contact if you have any questions. I won’t steal anymore of your precious studying time.”

Right when Danny’s foot was out the door, Lancer spoke up again, “Actually, there’s one more thing I mean to ask. Is your arm okay?”

His question stopped Danny right in his tracks. “What do you m-mean?” he nervously asked, voice cracking.

“Well, I can’t help but notice how you’re holding your arm there,” he commented.

“I…” Danny’s brain frantically searched for an excuse.

Lancer frowned at his hesitation.

“It’s...it’s a temporary tattoo,” he blurted.

“Pardon?”

“Y-you know those stick-on tattoos you have to press down for like a minute? I-yeah,” Danny improvised.

Lancer blinked. He did not expect that reply at all from the boy. Though, it did make sense. “Ah, very well. See you later Daniel. Good luck on your finals.”

Danny uttered out a goodbye before he all but ran to the bathroom to check his arm.

Danny jumped when he felt someone poking him. Turning around, he realized it was only Sam.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“About what happened yesterday, I think you need this.” She thrusted a big first-aid kit in his arms. “We really shouldn’t resort to using my pads anymore,” she chuckled.

“But, I already have one at home though?”

“Yeah, but I think we need one here. Just keep it in your locker, okay?”

“Uh…” He suddenly thought of Wes. Would he even stoop that low to use this as evidence? Probably. Danny sighed, he better not mess with it. This kit looked pretty expensive…

“Sam, you didn’t have to go and buy this.”

“It’s no big deal. I wanted to.”

“Bu—”

“Danny, I don’t have time for this. Stop being stubborn and just take it,” she insisted.

“Fine.” He unhappily grabbed the first-aid kit. “One day I’m paying you back for everything.”

“You honestly don’t have to. Anyways, gotta go!” she blurted before hurrying to her English exam. Two seconds later, the bell rang.

Shit, their English exam! He quickly dumped the kit at the bottom of his locker and ran after her. Hopefully Wes wouldn’t make too big of a deal out of the kit.

Danny turned the corner of the hall and halted in his step when he saw Wes at their locker. Nope, he wasn’t dealing with him today. There was way too much on his mind with the start of the new semester. Calculus was already proving to be the bane of his existence.

He was about to turn around but had to do a double take when he noticed Paulina was there too. Talking to Wes. Weird.

He was too far to hear what they were saying, but Danny’s former crush seemed to be really excited for some reason. Wes then pulled an envelope from his pocket and handed it to her. Danny swore he saw Paulina discreetly slip a wad of cash into his other hand before accepting the envelope.

What the heck. What could Wes possibly have that Paulina would pay that kind of money for? You know what, he wasn’t even gonna ask. He needs to start heading to chemistry. Wes could be selling drugs for all he knows; he doesn’t care.

Seeing Wes that morning almost completely slipped from Danny’s mind until he approached his locker after school, this time with a backpack full of textbooks from his new classes.

He instantly spotted a yellow sticky note on the door which read “MEET ME @ BACK FIELD - DASH” in a hastily scrawled blocky script.

The two most popular kids at Casper High both reached out to Wes today. That doesn’t just happen to anyone, especially someone like Wes. Danny couldn’t help but feel a little curious.

Selling drugs seems a little too out-of-character for him. He’s the type of person to expose the school’s drug dealers instead of being one himself. What else could he be selling then? Test answers? No, the semester just started.

As Danny placed his books on the top shelf, he paused when he noticed a small envelope in the very back. Squinting a bit, he saw that it had “Dash” written on it in tiny letters. Upon grabbing it, it felt like it contained something like cardstock.

Wait. After flipping it, he realized the envelope wasn’t sealed up. And he caught the slight shine of photos peeking from inside.

Last time he heard, neither Dash nor Paulina were interested in photography...

Before he could even act on his now burning curiosity, an all too familiar voice startled him, causing him to drop the envelope in his hands. Its contents spilled all over the floor.

“Fenton, what are you doing?!” screamed Wes before stomping over to him.

“I…” Danny’s reply was lost to him when he stared in bewilderment at the photos lying on the floor. They all...they were of him. Specifically, him during a fight with Ember last week. What shocked him even more was their quality. There was one where he was kneeling, smirking almost directly at the camera while both of his hands held bright green ectoenergy, casting his face in an eerie yet alluring glow.

“You’ve been selling pictures of me??”

“What the hell Fenton? These are supposed to be for Dash!” Wes yelled angrily before crouching, carefully putting back the photos in the envelope.

“Did you not hear me? Wh—how long have you been doing this?”

“None of your business. The photos are mine, I can do what I want with them,” Wes arrogantly asserted.

Danny couldn’t even fathom the audacity of this guy. He knew Wes sometimes stalked him while he was out as Phantom. Sometimes he annoyingly distracted him with the flash of his camera. However, over time he’d realized there was really no harm to it, as long as Wes stayed out of the way. He only seemed to use the footage for his so-called “evidence”. Rather than wasting his energy getting him to leave, Danny understood that there were bigger things he should be focusing on.

This was just crossing a line though. Danny usually doesn’t mind people making money off of his ghost half. In fact, he himself is probably the one who buys most of the unlicensed Phantom merch at Amity’s souvenir shops. But something about seeing Wes doing it too infuriated him to no end.

Instantly, Danny lunged at him to grab the envelope. Unfortunately, Wes reflexively sidestepped out of the way, and held it behind his back like a basketball a defender was trying to steal. Danny fumed, “Wes, you didn’t even bother to ask to take them! Give them back!”

Wes kept nothing more than an irritated expression on his face as he continued to hold back the envelope.

Just before Danny was about to take another leap at the red-haired creep, he suddenly heard Dash’s voice from behind.

“Hey Fenturd, get outta the way. I need to talk to Weasel for a sec.”

Danny snapped his head around to see the school’s quarterback standing there impatiently. Fortunately, because of his growth spurt a year or so back, Dash no longer towered over him. Also, around that time, the bully has gradually moved on to harassing the smaller newer kids at Casper. Dash really wasn’t a problem at all for Danny anymore, though he still couldn’t help feeling at edge around him after all this time. He unconsciously took a few steps away from him.

Meanwhile, Wes scowled at his nickname. “Hey, don’t call me that. Otherwise the deal’s off,” he stated in an annoyed tone.

Dash huffed, “Fine.” He pulled out a fifty from his letterman jacket and handed it to Wes, who freely gave the envelope in exchange.

“Those demos I showed you last week plus a few extras are all in there,” Wes said while he sifted through the envelope.

“Looks good,” Dash commented, unable to keep the giddy smile from appearing on his face. He genuinely thanked Wes before slipping the photos into his pocket and leaving.

After a moment, Wes sneered, “Fenton, I’ll stop when you reveal yourself to everyone. Besides, why the heck should Danny Fenton be concerned about me selling photos I took of Danny Phantom without his consent?”

Danny’s glare only hardened as he watched Wes walk off.

#blood tw #injury tw #crossposting to tumblr is exhausting #if i do another fic imma just post the link instead of the whole thing #tug of war #fic #sam #blood #injury #wes #mr. lancer #grooveactuallywrites

6 notes · View notes

xixxvxx · 4 years ago

Text

two months on testosterone

another late post… i started typing this one yesterday, i swear, i was just too busy to finish it. anyway—two months already—can’t believe it! here’s a recap of what’s changed since last month (mildly nsfw text and mention of menstruation under the cut)

skin:

skin is not much oilier than it was last month—i alternately have episodes where i’m breaking out and periods where i don’t have much acne—it’s still mostly just small, painless whiteheads, which go away pretty quickly if i wash my face and otherwise leave them alone

skin is slightly thicker—i’ve noticed i have to use a little more pressure when i do my shots now

nails are thicker and grow faster

hair:

twice as much fully grown terminal hair in the middle of my chest and belly as i had last month, with baby hairs coming in ALL over those areas

hair on my limbs is darker and denser

gaps in my goatee and sideburns filling in and those parts of my facial hair beginning to connect to each other/my mustache, with baby hairs all over my cheeks and chin

mustache is thicker (loving it)

almost positive my eyebrows are thicker (loving that too)

voice:

huge drop—my partner pointed out to me recently that it is now deeper than the voices of some cis men we know (talk about an ego boost!)

more fry to it—it’s kind of buzzy, not as smooth as it used to be

it’s leveled out a little and isn’t cracking as much as it was a couple of weeks ago

in the past day or two i’ve also begun feeling the slight tickling/irritation in my throat that i felt before it started dropping the first time, so i’m wondering if i should expect another big drop soon—we’ll see

body:

definite fat redistribution/loss and muscle definition/growth all around

chest has become very flat

shoulders and pecs have gotten wider, hips narrower—my frame is more “masculine”

thighs are a little slimmer—they used to be thicker at the top and taper towards the knee, but they’ve become a little more cylindrical/even in width across the length of the thigh

butt, god bless, does not seem to have gotten any smaller

still hungry all the time though my appetite has waxed and waned throughout the chronic illness flare i’ve been dealing with

pretty persistent cravings for certain foods—eggs, nuts, tofu, nooch, hearty green veggies, very spicy foods, sometimes chocolate

reproductive:

continuing to see bottom growth—not as explosive as it was my first month on T (really the amount i saw in the first few weeks was… astounding) but still continuing steadily (very happy with it)

not sure if my menstrual cycle has ceased—it’s now been over six weeks since i started my last period, so i’m certainly overdue by most standards, but my cycle’s always been irregular, so i’m not counting it out as a possibility (will update this post in the future to reflect whether or not i get my period in the next few weeks)

mental/emotional:

continuing to experience periodic irritability, still totally manageable

baseline mood/general anxiety level are BETTER than they were pre-T, easily, which i’ll talk a little more about below

minor uptick in episodic anxiety, some of my obsessive/compulsive behaviors, and some of my psychotic symptoms, but i’m certain these are all stress responses re: current life events, not effects of the T (and all things i am managing safely with the help of a therapist)

i am having a lot of trouble sleeping, but, again, i think this is stress- and also chronic pain-related

misc:

i am almost exclusively gendered as male in public now, even when i’m wearing my mask, which is wild. while i don’t identify strictly as a man, i will say that it’s still comforting/affirming somehow to see the way my gender is being read change as i continue to take T

lastly (verbose! schmaltzy! you’ve been warned):

the confidence/comfort T has afforded me has made... everything... easier. i was aware of my dysphoria pre-T, obviously, but i feel like i’ve become so much more aware of the extent to which it was affecting me now in contrast as T brings about the changes i’ve always wanted

the insecurity i used to have about the sound of my voice, which was always at the back of my mind when i talked to others—it’s just not there anymore, and in its absence holding conversation has become so much more natural and pleasant. it feels easier to laugh, share my thoughts, assert myself; i don’t hesitate to say things as much as i used to. i feel at ease interacting with people in a way i haven’t before—like something has just clicked

the insecurity i used to have about my appearance—i really feel it fade a little more every time i catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. sometimes it’s a burst of euphoria upon noticing something new; sometimes it’s a tickle of anticipation as i consider how many more changes i will see in the coming months; sometimes it’s just a calm sense of, “alright, that’s right.” so so corny but i walk a little taller, little lighter

i think about myself less! dysphoric self-scrutiny used to take up so much of my energy. now a lot of that has just evaporated, and i feel like i have so much more of myself to pour into... everything else. it feels really good and really right. i leave this month once again with a deep sense of joy and gratitude that i made the decision to do this

#HRT #transgender HRT #transgender testosterone therapy #trans man #transmasculine #text #original #monthly

1 note · View note

mymanysituations · 4 years ago

Text

My depression

Everyday I fight to be the best man I can be. I try to push my self to new limits while trying to take note on what is happening to my body while doing so.

Taking chances with illness is challenging and very touch and go.

Just because I was able to walk a mile yesterday does not mean I will be able to tomorrow, and just because walking got me dizzy and threw me into a vertigo session doesn’t mean that it will or will not happen next time.

To accept life change is understandable, but to accept a change that is never ending is maddening at times.

My illness is very painful all day everyday. My illness leads to seclusion many of my days. It leaves me feeling inadequate and less then healthy on most of my days.

It is a constant turn of events that occur at the drop of a dime, and always at the most unexpected of times as well.

The unexpected, unknowing, guilt and whatever else false into this category of dealing with multiple sclerosis has fed and grew another symptom which is depression.

Depression is like many things different and unique to each it’s holder, and come in many forms from chronic to mild and manic to isolated.

My depression was titled chronic it was deep and dark and very hard not to show to the people in my life.

Not that I was trying to hide depression from anyone, but I knew how it made me feel and new how this life changing illness made me and my loved ones feel so I simply did not want to add anymore hurt or sadness on my friends and beautiful family.

Depression set deep in my mind and controlled me for quite the few years.

Again I love my family and always did and will but during it’s worst times I wanted nothing but to be alone.

I did not know what to do with such dark feelings in my life, it was all so new to me.

I wondered if people were judging me because I knew my personality had changed overnight. Once happy joyful and always smiling to a emotionless smirk here and there is a huge change for anyone to witness and judge with out a doubt.

Everyone in my world were more then understanding during these times and did not push me to much to talk or have answers. This was huge to me that I knew they understood what I had but also that they did not know what I was going through and took my word instead of believing text book answers.

My depression did not sneak up on me by any way, yet instead imploded my world one day out of no where.

I knew I was sad for the burden I thought I had become, for not being there financially for my wife and our partnership and a couple.

Again all the uncertain minutes, hours and days in my upcoming newly diagnosed life played another huge part in this illness.

When I first was diagnosed with ms I did not know what to feel how to act or what should be my next step.

From Dr.’s telling me it was in my head, that my symptoms weren’t real or that I would be wheel chair bound or dead in a few years all I’m sure added to my upcoming illness called depression.

So much played a factor in my depression. I just started to live like the man I always had wanted to be. I was reliable, trustworthy and the go to guy for problem solving.

I was now the man I wanted to be and the man I knew my wife deserved as her life partner.

Then multiple sclerosis came and took it all away leaving me angered, confused, sad and defeated.

It saddens me whenever I am the center of attention because of what I have. Please people realize your sympathy is just another way of feeling judged, because I know you don’t know my reasons for my actions because they are hidden from you.

I feel like I am a downer in peoples life. I hate feeling this way, I want to be the guy that makes you feel up on life and makes you want to smile any time he’s near.

I feel bad because many times at family gatherings we’re all having a nice time then out from no where I get a flare and all the fun stops, putting all of the attention on me and my illness.

I feel like I am causing drama, making everyone “look at me and how sick I am.’

Then I find a quite place to lay down and pack myself full of ice packs leaving the rest of the time in a room, alone trying to heal my wounds.

I feel guilty because I know I have shifted the whole parties mood from fun to concerned.

Although I am grateful for everyone and appreciate their concern more then they know it just sucks! And really saddens me seeing all of their faces filled with concern.

Dr.’s have their hands full and I am very grateful for the one’s who take their work to their heart and go the extra mile to get real answers to help people get the best quality of life they can while battling illness and or diseases.

On my way through this journey I encountered both types of passive and aggressive Dr.’s

Loving the few I have in my life right now, but finding them was a whole other story.

Again I know Dr.’s have a job to do, but also they can have some cooth while doing so.

Many of them before and after my diagnosis were the passive type who dealt with me as a number and not as a person.

This I know was also a part in leading to my depression.

After all putting your trust in professionals you tend to take them very serious and take their words to heart.

So hearing some of them tell me I was fine, I was wasting their time because I was so healthy etc, ect, ect.

Made me feel and think I truly was going insane and making all this up in my head.

I felt like I was in a haze and that life was a still movie, it was cold, dark and blurry with no sound and no hope.

I never quit asking my questions and was never afraid of firing Dr.’s. I was always looking for new ways to check on my health.

I fight every day to better my health and while fighting need to keep my sharpest of weapons handy at all time ( my brain.)

I realized after awhile and finally ditching the “bad” Dr.’s from my life that I had been dealing with depression for years being in diagnosed.

My family DR. Talked to me and my wife saying “you are depressed! And you should be!” he went on to say that with all I was going through that of coarse I would be depressed and put me on medication immediately.

Before hand I was very scared and would sit in the dark and in complete silence to deaden my fears of anxiety and depression.

I wanted little or nothing to do with anyone, because I truly hated what I had become.

Depression left me with no appetite and only sadness.

Going from Dr. To Dr. Everyday although I had to do it, did not help either “ keeping you reminded of how sick you are.”

My depression took me to new lows and brought with it the numbing of my feelings.

I wasn’t happy, sad, funny or serious and my face was frozen in one expression ( a expression I can’t explain and never want to have to vision again.)

I was 100% emotionless for many years before being treated for my recognized diagnosis of chronic depression.

Since my diagnosis and getting on the right meds and right dosage also I have incorporated many things in my life to reduce my depression down to all time lows for me. To witness such deep dark moments for so long not seeing a light any where in sight, and then to be in such a good place as I am today is a true miracle in its self.

Besides my meds I have also found many ways and do many things to help control my depression.

I tried these things before, but without the help of medicine they were close to impossible.

I learned to meditate, this is a great way to keep in touch with my inner self my true being and let it understand I am here for it and mean it no harm,

Meditation comes in many forms and can be as personal as you want or just a good time to unwind and let go of all your days troubles for awhile.

You can go to meditation classes through a yoga teacher, or do self guided meditation by using one of many apps in your phones game area.

Meditate as long and as often as you feel, if it is helping you calm your energy and lengthen your days health in a good way then you are doing it right.

If you feel you don’t have enough discipline yet to do self meditation you can always try another great forum of it called guided meditation. Guided meditation is a yoga teacher guiding you through serene visions of your own thoughts, your teacher will know how to relax you and put you in a conscious yet close to sleep awareness to help you guide your inner soul to serenity and safety helping you understand you always have a safe place inside you to run from anger, pain, and anything that you fear, you have a safe place to go to when you need to calm your thinking or reset the patience button in your life.

Going to sound immersion concerts where you lye still as a guru plays chimes and tahitian bowls, drums, rain stick and other nature like sounds all around you.

This is a great way to relieve stress, depression, anxiety and just a great way to free your mind from all the daily drag that gets in our way and can really get us down.

Being immersed in the energy of natures sounds while relaxing and visioning nothing but stillness will ground you to nature and allow you to vision and live a more un complexed life with a much deeper meaning in your health and well being.

Again if you would rather do this in your home there are great apps in your phones app store and also some good guided meditations on you tube as well.

I use music as an escape, my own escape with my own choices, music that I relate to its lyric and or its message. I am a firm believer in music as therapy and a firm believer in its power to heal our mind.

I write alot I write my feelings down (good or bad) and it depends but sometimes I burn the bad ones releasing them from my being then once I feel uplifted I will show my gratitude by writing a thank you letter to myself for showing my strength and trust in myself.

Or other times I will write poetry either dark poetry or happy poetry to share or not share with anyone, everyone or no one it doesn’t matter their is no wrong way to release just as long as you do it and it feels right to you.

Depression comes in many shapes and forms and is as unique as the person who holds it. How you chose to battle it is completely up to you, no one knows you better then you.

Do what makes you feel better and what you know is best for you and no one else.

You and only you hold the key to unlock your road taking you away from your demons.

#multiple sclerosis #depression #invisibledisability #invisible disease #spoonie #spoonie life #budas warriors

4 notes · View notes

drowningwavez · 4 years ago

Text

I feel today that things are slipping. Last night I had a friend over and cooked us dinner and we watched Netflix. It was strangely ok. I haven’t had. A friend over for probably 10 years. I also am suprised that people seem to feel somewhat ok in other people’s places, like mine. Like I’m so glad my friend feels comfortable to come and just hang out and make herself at home. But I just have never experienced that so seems so strange.

But it was nice and I felt very weirdly anxious about feeling ok with it. How well I’ve been coping lately with everything. I’m not feeling good but I just haven’t felt as bad as I usually would. I’ve been able to handle moving and a lot of stress in a healthy and ok way. It’s unsettling and scary and unfamiliar. I do think that having two sessions a week with my psych has really contributed to this improvement. Doesn’t mean it is going to last and I am on edge waiting for the fall.

But today I feel it’s slipped into the bad hole. I got angry at my gp as I’m in so much pain, I said my sister is about to have premie babies and my dads cancer is back and he’s starting radiation this week. It’s a 3 hour drive up which I can hardly drive 15 mins before I start crying. Then it’s a hour each way to the hospitals when I am up there. I’ve just moved house with a fucking torn tendon in my hip with nothing more than naproxen.

I feel this pain is really just going to drag my mood down. I’m doing everything I can and it’s not improving. The torn tendon had been a little better but it flared up yesterday from too much walking. I’m trying to not just rest because that flares my nerve pain but when I do go for small walks it flares the tendon? It’s still bruises from when he stabbed me 5 times like 3 weeks ago, and so tender I think it’s turned into a heamatoma. I still can’t lie on that side either. I’m lying on ice packs all day to try and numb the pain as heat makes it worse.

I’m meeting my new support worker on Thursday and I’m really starting to get anxious. I feel it’s going to tip me over the edge. I’ve only just been managing the ‘allowing myself to sit & just feel ok’ but I feel this is going to be too much ‘good’ and ‘positive’ and the punishing side will come out. Anything ndis related seems to trigger it as there’s so much guilt associated with it. I don’t even know what to say? The idea of trying to explain everything feels overwhelming. They’re a man trained support worker so meant to help with that kind of stuff. I don’t know what my goals are, I feel so bad that I shouldn’t even be taking up this ladies time at all. I also don’t know what they can even offer so I don’t know what to suggest. My psych said they just do whatever you want them to do but like?? I just can’t comprehend that. I don’t need that, someone else needs it so much more. I also just don’t know if I can handle having anyone new in my life. After these last few awful medical appointments I have nothing left in me to let anyone into my circle. I feel so selfish and ridiculous complaining about this when people would kill for it. It honestly breaks my heart that I unfortunately got this support when others don’t as I know how awful it is not having it. I wish so much I could just give it away.

1 note · View note

razorblade180 · 5 years ago

Text

Lasting Embers pt14: Training Day pt2

[Atlas SDC headquarter CEO office]

*A man in his early thirties wearing a business suit in the Schnee family colors sits at his desk writing. His hair swooped back and cleanly shaven. Pretty in shape, like a bulkier Neptune*

Secretary:*creaking open door* Whitley, your special guest has arrived.

Whitley:Thank you Julia; please send her in.

*a women with black leather pants and dark combat boots walks in. Zipped up black jacket jacket and wearing aviators; gold trim on the seams of her clothes. Not to mention a ridiculously long auburn ponytail*

Whitley:Hey Illia, how’s the weather treating you?

Illia:Cold as usual *removes glasses* I see you’re on a first name basis with your secretary now; about time.

Whitley:*smirks and stops writing* You haven’t changed since your last visit. You’re a bit late; stop by lunch areas to flirt with my cook again? She’s been talking about you.

Illia:*sits on his desk* Can you blame her? Anyways, I’m here on the usual business mostly. *lifts his chin and examines his face* you eating well? Any death threats or loss of sleep? Death by stress or malnutrition isn’t something I can protect you from.

Whitley:*chuckles* I’m fine, I’m fine *moving her hand* What about you?

Illia:Eh, the usual. Killing the bad guys and taking life a day at a time; all before anyone knows they’re in trouble. *puts a file on his desk* oh, there’s an assassination attempt on your life being planned by the way.

Whitley:Of course, another person mad I banned Faunus labor or is it more sister related? *opens folder to see faces of men in grey hoods and red veins near their eyes and hands* You think cult members would look more inconspicuous....

Illia:They’re currently in a warehouse a little ways up north of here. A splinter group that has their own way of trying to please “Salem the great and powerful” They obviously know about Weiss so....

Whitley:They’re going after her loved ones yada yada yada. She’s getting such an ear full when she comes back.

Illia:You think she’s okay?

Whitley:If you can survive our house then you can survive anything. So, how are you going to deal with these lot.

Illia:Don’t have to myself; I’ve been put in charge of training a newbie. This is no real threat so she went on ahead to despose of the problem. Shouldn’t take her too long.

*knock knock knock*

Whitley:That was fa-

Illia:*draws her weapon* too fast.... stay back.

[Warehouse]

*pretty vacant except for crates and blueprints everywhere. A table in the middle with four cloaked figures around it*

Thug 1: Are you sure this is gonna work? Like I get he’s not a huntsmen or anything but I heard this guy has taken down other people before us.

Thug 2:Idiot *flicking him* unlike the others we have an actual plan. We’ll strike right in the middle of traffic go rain bullets down from the building above.

Thug 3:Yee the boss left us in charge of this operation while he and two more go off and secure something else. Uhhh I forgot what kind of a play he was making.

Thug 4:*young women’s voice* Honestly why did I get stuck with you three? He said he was making a power play; rumor has it the branch of the cult is essentially history. That’s why he’s gone to hunt down the winter maiden. With access to the relic and the SDC fortune then he’s top dog. Rumor has it that the maiden might be somewhere hiding in Menagerie.

“Well isn’t that interesting news? Thanks for the info.”

*everyone reading their rifles*

Thug 1:Who said that!?

“Guns? Aren’t you for members of the Children of Salem; shouldn’t you be having grimm serve you with those gross veins of yours? Or did your boss not trust you enough to lend you some”

Thug 4:Show yourself!!! If you think hiding in the shadows can-

*a chain flies out and wraps the gun. Pulling it to the side and shooting the first thug right through the chest*

Thug 2:Shit!!!! *freaking out* what the hell is going on!?

“The shadows are sort of my thing. I could show you my face sense I’m not allowed to leave survivors but.....I need practice.

Thug 3: Stop toying with us you crazy bitc-ugh! *blood dripping down the mouth*

*a chain out of the shadows with a metal tip finds its way into Thug 3*

“Cat got your tongue; or heart?” *reels his body into the darkness*

Thug 2: *dropping his gun* Okay we give up! We’ll tell you everything we know; I swear!

......

“When did your boss leave for Menagerie?”

Thug 4:Yesterday, by airship! I think a cargo one?

“Hmm I think I can catch up to that. Thanks for information.”

Thug 2:Are...are we good?

*chain wraps around both of them tying them up. A figure of a woman in her early twenties and wearing a similar outfit to Illia. However the seams are white to match her white tiger ears and dawns a black mask reminiscent of the white fang.*

“No, you’re far from good.”

*picks up the rifle*

•

Illia:*opens up the door quickly and jumps back to defend Whitley* State your name and- Weiss?

Weiss:*slightly taller and dressed more like her sister. Hair style like her mother yet somehow looking just like her normal self* Well that was one way to be welcomed home. I guess I should expect nothing less from-

Whitley:*runs up and hugs her* Hey dork, you look like mom.

Weiss:Ugh, you’re one to talk *hugs him tightly* I half expected you to be rocking a bushy mustache.

Whitley:When hell freezes over.

Weiss:Ooo do I have a story for you later. *chuckles*

Illia:If you’re here then does that mean... *scroll rings* Uhhh hello?

Blake:Hey stranger, you miss me?

Illia:.......*tearing up* Blake?

Blake:Who else? I know it’s been awhile but I’d at least thought you’d have my number saved. Just letting you know that I’m home; I’m finally home.

Illia:You’re already back in Menagerie!?

Blake:*sitting on top a palm tree looking into her house window* Yep, no one knows yet besides Adam’s family. *watching a certain monkey Faunus hard at work running her organization* that’s about to change though.

Illia:I didn’t realize he knew you were back. I came out to Atlas for nothing!?

Blake:No, he wasn’t home. His daughter said he was already going on another trip; he’s probably going through the same shock you are. Anyways just also calling to tell you that there’s probably gonna be a celebration when everyone realizes I’m back. As of now your job is to come home and relax with your old friend my sinister shadow.

Illia:*chuckles* As you wish High Leader Belladonna; save me some food. *hanging up* well better go get my recruit and- *scroll rings* speak of the devil. *answering* so how was your first solo op Sienna?

Sienna:*taking off her mask as she watches a warehouse burn. Her maple tan skin feeling the cold air as her short black hair catches the wind* I wish it was someone place warmer; had to heat myself up. Everything here is done but we sort of have to head to Menagerie right now.

Illia:Why do I have a feeling it’s for a different reason I want to go back?

Sienna:I’ll tell you on the ride there but uhh let’s keep this one extra off the books please? It involves my mom.... *wiping blood of her mask and chain* not that I’m too worried; her and Jael are tough. Just wish dad was there for sure.

[Jaune’s Yard]

Yujin:You’re mine! *swings her blade, barely missing Adam’s head* crap!

*abandons her sword to keep up the pressure with high speed jabs and kicks. Not giving him any room to breath*

Adam:*bobbing all her attacks as he tries to back up* interesting choice when fighting a superior opponent. Keeping the flow of a fight yours to maintain at the cost of your weapon. *catches a punch and knees in the gut*

Yujin:*cough* You know me, always coming up with ideas! *goes for rib shot but he dodges back*

Adam:Well points for- *aura discharges from her punch and knocks him back*

Yujin:Ha! *runs up and kicks off of him to send him either further back* (that should be enough distance....)

*picks up her sword and makes it glow an intense white. Flames emerge from hit*

Yujin:Here goes nothing..... *unleashes 3 slashes our pure white flames* sunslice....

Adam:*Smiling* Not bad...*moon slices through all three*

Yujin:Tsk *slices the oncoming attack* still not enough to out do yours huh? Okay...*switches to gauntlets*

Ruby:She’s pretty good with that sword; it’s almost her size yet she can swing it one handed. Almost reminds me of Qrow....

Jaune:Probably because everyone chimed in and told her about his moves. He might be gone but a bit of his flare isn’t.

Ruby:......*smiles* Good, that’s really good to know.

Yang:*soaking in the fight that’s in front of her. Seeing her daughter counter blade strikes with punches; displaying moves all too noticeable to her as her dad’s handy work*

Jaune:Enjoying the show?

*Yujin’s fist catching fire. Another aura filled punch scattering the flames as the embers dance around her. Not messing a step when avoiding Adam’s relentless bullets and cross slashes*

Yang:I wish....I wish I could’ve helped create this. *somber smile* look at our kid go; she’s in her element right now.

*Adam jumping over a sweep kicking and blocking an assault of jabs. Sparks flying off his sword*

Yang:And I didn’t help with any of it.... I feel a little bad.

Jaune:Are you kidding? Yang, you might not have been here but plenty recordings of your training days are. She won’t admit it but I know she’s watched every single one to be even remotely as good as you.

Yang:*shocked* Really?

Jaune:*Nodding* Yujin did everything she could to deny hand to hand combat; to be separated from you. No matter how hard she tried though she knew if she was gonna be huntress that eventually she’d have to come to terms with you have a legacy with rich insight. To be a little more like herself she’d swallowed her pride, and started acting a little more like you.

Ruby:Makes sense; she looked very angry fighting you hand to hand but also a little thrill. If I had to guess I’d say it was probably because she finally got to see where she stood.

Yujin: *Jumping back for distance, trying to catch her breath* Come on Adam, *huff* my mom tire you out. (shouldn’t be long now) no holding back *raises her gaurd*

Adam:*sword glowing* Says the one breathing deep. You’ve grown a lot Yujin; I’m proud. However, I think this might be your limit.

Yujin:Well let’s find out!! *bumps her first together and charges at him.*

Adam:This won’t kill you but it’s not gonna tickle *dashes towards him swinging his sword down at her*

Yujin:*smirks*

*a giant thumb erupts from the clash. Dirt and dust flying into the air as everything fall quiet*

Ruby:Huh....well would you look at that? Guess she has learned from you.

Yang:*jaw dropped in awe* You...you told her the story didn’t you?

Jaune:Maybe once or twice....*smiling*

Adam:*completely caught off gaurd, a familiar chill runs through him* .......heh this takes me back.

Yujin:*gripping his blade tightly before the impact. Her eyes shining bright lilac* Gotcha...

#rwby #rwby lasting embers #whitley schnee #illia amitola #sienna frost #adam taurus #ruby rose #jaune arc #yang xiao long #yujin xiao long #rwby dragonslayer #weiss schnee

62 notes · View notes

akitokihojo · 5 years ago

Text

In Between: Chapter 4

Wow, I have nothing to say for myself. I lost inspiration for this for a little while there and actually completely forgot about this fic until I was scrolling through my wips folder. But hey! Look! It’s back and I sincerely hope you enjoy this chapter!

The previous chapters can be found in my fic masterlist, as well as on AO3 and ff.net

----------------

"I hope you aren't taking any of this personally."

She hadn't looked at the caller ID before answering the phone.

"Who is this?"

She'd blindly pressed the green answer button on her screen as soon as the call rolled in.

"It's not you I'm after, really."

She thought it was her mom. She'd been expecting her call, so of course she answered.

"But I sincerely hope you enjoy the gifts I sent as an apology. I know how much you love daisies."

She looked at the small table where a large box of chocolates and nicely wrapped bouquet of yellow daisies sat. She found them outside her door just before she'd gone to yoga this morning. Just before she'd changed her mind and stayed in. Suddenly, daisies were the most repugnant flower she'd ever set eyes on.

"That was... who are you?"

"Just know that none of this is your fault, Kagome."

"I don't understand."

"You're only involved for one specific reason."

"To hurt Inuyasha?"

"Precisely."

A clammy, uncomfortably thick sensation washed over her face, running down her throat and into her chest, a cold sweat dotting her forehead.

"Why?"

There was a breathy chuckle.

"You really should be more concerned about yourself."

"Answer me! Why are you using me to get to Inuyasha?"

"It's much more interesting this way. I like watching people break."

"You're sick."

"I'll see you soon, Kagome."

Three dull beeps in her ear let her know the call had ended.

Kagome stared at her phone in shock, the screen going black as she processed every riddling word just said to her. His voice sounded deeper than she'd initially imagined.

Even though it was just a phone call, she could feel her body wavering, her abdomen leadened and tingly, not a single part of her body holding the right amount of stability. She was scared, unnerved, flummoxed, and overriding all of that was the sudden surge of audacious fury. Kagome dropped her cell on the couch, stomping over to the table to scoop up the unwarranted gifts and toss them in the trashcan as aggressively as possible, the plastic bag losing its grip on the bin and dropping inward.

Who the hell did this guy think he was; calling her, pretending it was nothing but a courtesy, acting as if he was being kind by sending her chocolates and daisies, and giving a cheap explanation? He was scum. Horrible, terrifying, disgusting, worthless scum. What was Kagome supposed to do now? Tell the police? She had no valuable information to give them, and this time he took the liberty of blocking his number. He hadn't given any sort of idea to what "see you soon" meant, and she knew it would only be a waste of everyone's time.

She'd just have to swallow this one on her own.

Kagome paced back and forth in her living room, still donned in the yoga outfit she hadn't bothered to change out of. She'd figured that since she wasn't comfortable going outside today, thanks to the ugly flowers and distasteful candies, she'd just flow with her home practice, but then she'd received the call. Her nerves were flared, her muscles where trembling, an intolerable rush was coursing through her bloodstream causing her to be annoyingly antsy, and there was absolutely no hope of her staying still for more than twelve seconds at a time. Her apartment was suddenly too small and she wanted to go outside for a breath of fresh air, but then the world was too big. She was suffocating inside, and she was blind outside. Everything was a lose-lose, and Kagome wanted to yell, wanted to break something.

But what good would that do?

Why should she have to buy a new lamp just because some conniving creep thought he was cunning? She tried stilling for a moment, taking deep breaths to release at least a little stress, and very slowly she could feel herself coming together again. The cramps in her lungs were beginning to lessen, and her limbs began to feel closer to normal, a little gelatinous like they would after a workout, but better than they did moments ago. She wasn't there yet. She wasn't one-hundred percent okay. Maybe sixty-two percent, but it quickly snapped back down to ten the instant her phone's ringtone blared once more, her head whipping to view the illuminated screen laying on the cushions of her hand-me-down couch.

As if a signal was shot into her brain, Kagome began trembling all over again, an insurmountable amount of thoughts racing through her mind and holding her captive. He's calling again. Jesus Christ, he's calling again! He just called! Why is this happening? Stop calling me! Mom? It's mom. It's just mom. What if he has mom's phone? No, it's mom. It's okay. You're okay. Answer the phone. It's just mom.

She reached for the chiming device, constricting her chest muscles to control her heavy breathing and calm down. Who would have thought that a single attempt at contact, hearing his voice one time, would cause her to be such an inconsolable basket case? Her face was freezing from the dewy sweat glistening her face, some of it drying and tightening against her skin only to be dampened again with a new layer. Kagome lightly pressed her fingers over her sticky flesh, wiping the beads away, wiping away any physical evidence that she was not okay.

"Hi, mama." She'd barely managed to answer the phone before it went to voicemail, putting it on speaker so she wouldn't take the chance of dirtying the screen by pressing it to her ear.

"Hey." It was always easy to hear the smile in her mother's voice, a sense of smooth serenity flowing through. "How are you?"

"I'm okay. How are you? How's work?"

"You don't sound okay, Kagome. What's wrong?"

"Nothing, mom, I'm fine."

"Kagome..."

"I've just had a busier morning than I'd planned. How are you? How's Sota?" She tried again.

"I'm alright. Tired from the nightshifts, but it's nothing your mother can't handle. Sota's keeping his grades up and even seems to have a girlfriend, though he's in the too-cool-to-tell-your-mom stage. You know how that goes. When are you coming home to visit?"

"Soon. I can't wait to tease him for finally getting a girl to look in his direction."

"Kagome." She expected the tone to be more stern for her knock at her little brother, not one of concern. Was she that easy to read?

"Soon, mom. I promise. I just... I have a few things I need to take care of that've had me tied up on the weekends."

"Are you sure you're okay? I haven't heard much from you lately. I can't help but worry."

"I'm perfectly fine, mom. Just... busy."

"Alright. Well, we miss you."

"I miss you too. Tell Sota to use protection."

"Kagome!"

"Love you! Get some rest!"

"I love you too."

"Bye."

There was no way in hell Kagome would tell her mom what was going on. She couldn't take a chance of involving anyone else. If her mother knew, she'd insist she come stay at home until the police caught her stalker, but the creep already knew where her family lived. There was a photo taken of her and her brother the last time she'd gone to visit. This guy had invited himself into her home more than once, so who's to say he wouldn't do the same if she switched locations? There was absolutely no way she'd put her family in danger like that. They didn't need to know. She can't take those chances.

Still, Kagome was fidgeting in place. She needed to get out of her house. The windows had been closed up for too long and the stuffiness was getting to her. Although the conversation was brief, talking to her mom had calmed her down considerably. It was a super power of hers, and thanks to it, she felt stable enough to go outdoors. A quick walk would do her some good.

She didn't bother changing. She didn't want to give herself any time to talk herself out of it. The moment Kagome urged herself to go out for some fresh air, she grabbed her small backpack, something she opted for on the weekends that was easier to lug around than a purse, shoved her phone into the side pocket of it, squeezed her feet into an abused pair of sneakers she wore too often, and marched out the door, triple checking that it was locked like she'd done everyday since the break in.

The weather was substantially nicer than what they'd been enduring lately. The sun was out for the first time in at least two weeks, and she hoped the trace amount of vitamin D on her skin would be enough to lift her spirits. Even just a little. Still, it wasn't particularly warm, and Kagome was glad she never removed her thin, cotton sweatshirt or else she'd look like a shivering mess walking along her path. She didn't know where she was going. She let her feet lead the way. She had no place she needed to be, and no place she necessarily wanted to go. She just wanted everything to stop. For a small gap of time, she wanted absolutely nothing to happen.

Kagome tried keeping her mind busy to prevent it from floating back to the phone call she'd received this morning, and the ever-ominous, second, "see you soon," she'd gotten that held the potential of breaking her down again. She thought about future projects and lesson plans for her students, and thought about her brother going through his hilariously embarrassing, too relatable, teenage angst years, and thought about seeing her mom again, and thought about this funny-by-five-year-old-standards joke Shippo had told yesterday, and thought about some grading she needed to do, and then stopped altogether. She'd walked at least a mile, surprised at how successful she was in distracting herself, never once minding her whereabouts. Which could have also led her to trouble. From where she stood, she was probably asking for just that.

Feudal Knockout Gym

The air was dense, smelling of musty salt. For someone who had left the smothering state of her apartment so that she could breathe, she'd definitely come to the wrong place. In fact, Kagome didn't know why she'd come here at all. She had no business waltzing into the gym Inuyasha frequented, a gym she'd only been to a handful of times before only because he'd brought her along.

Inuyasha ducked, dodging the wrapped fist flying his way, guarding his face before throwing a punch of his own. There was sweat gliding down his forehead and over his brow, about to drip into his eye, and he could only hope the velocity of his kick would track the dangerous bead of salt away, even by a centimeter, just to delay the sting. He nailed his opponent, pushing him back just enough so he could use the wrapping around his knuckles to soak up the sweat, barely blocking his opponents quick moves as he came in swinging. The half demon took the punches as they came, blocking left and right, waiting for the assailant to show a sign of fatigue before making his move. At the first opportunity, Inuyasha punched at his opponent, knowing he'd easily block it, but also knowing the force of his throw would nudge him back, taking advantage of the space to nail him with a spinning heel kick.

As the guy stumbled to the side, Inuyasha caught a familiar scent, the sweet, warm aroma clashing with the stench of the gym that filled his nose, stealing his undivided attention as he turned to face the direction it wafted over from. Before he could say anything, or notice anything significant about her, the crack of knuckles to his face knocked him over, bringing him crashing to the ground.

"Here's a tip: you wouldn't have gotten decked if you kept your eyes on me."

"I didn't ask." Inuyasha grunted, taking the offered hand held out to him and rising to a stand, rubbing out the new ache in his jaw.

"I hope it bruises." He laughed, clapping the half demon on the shoulder before walking away. Inuyasha brushed it off, more concerned with the girl standing in the entrance. Kagome held herself awkwardly, undeniably uncomfortable, her shoulders slouching forward as she loosely wrapped her fingers around the straps of her bag. She was dressed in a grey sweatshirt, a loose t-shirt that used to be two sizes too large for her before she cut it, the new hemline of the thin cotton rolling up to meet her midriff, tight, rosy-colored leggings, and rundown, black sneakers. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail that gently wagged from side to side as she looked back and forth over the gym, every now and then meeting his gaze, but then glancing back over to a banister-draped wall.

On instinct, but with a cool control he forced himself to bring forth, he made his way over to her, stopping with a comfortable gap to mind the distance between them.

"What's up?"

Kagome took a deep breath, almost like she wasn't prepared for the question in the first place, her chest rising from the deep inhalation, lips twitching upward as she tried to force them into a prepared smile. "I-I... uh... I... wow, I'm sorry..." She said, chagrined, a pink hue tinting her cheeks as she looked away from him, chewing her bottom lip before trying to speak again. "I don't know what I'm... I-I...I think I just need to punch something."

Inuyasha could feel the twisted expression he wore, obviously worried. A dominant part of him wanted to press her into telling him what was wrong, because clearly something was, but shaking the truth out of her wouldn't get him what he wanted. There was no use in trying to talk about it right now. With the way she was fumbling over her words, her train of thought appearing scattered, if he even tried asking what was wrong there was a high chance that she'd snap. Instead, he stepped back, keeping up that control he couldn't help but be proud of himself for maintaining, holding his hand out to point her in the direction of the nearest punching bag. She gave a feeble smile, toeing her shoes off before stepping on the large blue mat and walking over to the thick, black punching bag weighted with water.

He glanced over at his gym buddy who was watching curiously as he packed his bag. It was quiet, mostly because classes didn't start until the evening on Saturdays. Surprisingly, mid-morning was the best time to fit in some peaceful and efficient practice with maybe a couple other people doing their own thing on the side. Until Kagome showed up, it was only the two of them. He gave a nod toward the door, hoping his friend would catch the hint, and thankfully he wasn't the prying type. He quickly finished shoving his shit into his duffle bag, zipped it up, and walked out.

Inuyasha looked back over to Kagome. She'd propped her small backpack against the wall nearby, standing idly in front of the bag, staring at it with weakly-formed fists laying at her sides. The air about her was heavy and tightly-wound. Something was wringing her dry, thieving away her positive and alluring energy, and she was doing a balancing act just trying to keep herself together. But what the hell was he supposed to do about it? She'd told him she wants nothing to do with him. She doesn't want his help, yet here she was stumbling into his gym looking thirty seconds away from a mental breakdown. He was jammed between a rock and a hard place. If he helped, or tried helping, there was a good chance she'd probably tell him to fuck off and mind his business. If he left her alone when she really needed him, she would probably tell him to fuck off for being an asshole.

He could handle mysteries. He could handle puzzles and riddles, algorithms and horribly long, tedious criminal cases that involved their psychologist having to come in and break everything down bit-by-bit, but by god, he struggled with the full spectrum of human emotions. More particularly, female emotions. Even more specifically, Kagome's emotions. So what was the right move here?

He was staring, she could feel it. No matter how hard she tried to ignore him, she was hyperaware of the sensation of those ember irises boring into her. The more he waited for her to do something, the more anxious she became. The last thing she needed was him witnessing her flimsy strikes against a bag that would probably end up inflicting more damage on her than she could ever do. With the pressure already resting on her shoulders, and the additional weight she'd just piled on top thanks to her dumb instincts and horrible speaking performance, she was feeling considerably more self conscious than normal.

"Can you not watch me do this, please?" Kagome asked sheepishly, glancing over her shoulder at him.

Inuyasha crossed his arms over his chest, giving her an ambivalent look before walking away to find his own duffel bag. He meagerly distracted himself by toweling off the drying sweat on his forehead, neck, and bare chest, listening to her fists smacking the material of the punching bag as he pulled a black tee over his head, drawing his ponytail through before the hemline could snag it and loosen the messy knot. She kept going, small grunts escaping her throat as she started punching harder and harder, the rough sounds of knuckles against the bag coming quicker as she finally felt comfortable incorporating her left hand. He could tell she wasn't hitting right. He knew her. He always had to remind her how to do it, and the harder she went, the more likely she was to get hurt.

"Hey, I'm not watching or anything, but keep your wrists tight. Like I taught you." He said before taking a swig of water from his bottle.

Kagome looked over, making sure Inuyasha was telling the truth, reassured that he was only figuratively looking out for her. She adjusted her fists, rolling them out real quick and then flexing the muscles to hold them straight like he'd shown her several times over, her punches coming much more solid.

It didn't take long for her to start imagining the bag was her stalker, punching him hard right in the gut. It wasn't good enough, though. Without a face, a body, a build, anything other than his deep, raspy voice to go off of, the fires in her stomach remained raging. So, she imagined the guy that paid a visit while she got coffee, and threw her fist right at his arrogant smile. Still not sufficient. He was the go-between, the delivery boy, but he wasn't the one that taunted her on the phone this morning. He obviously wasn't the mastermind to all of this; he just so happened to carry out the mastermind's orders. Even so, imagining him didn't feel half as good as she thought it would. What the hell was it gonna take? Kagome punched harder and harder, her throat burning from the ragged cries her body gave to provide more force. Her knuckles were stinging, but she kept pushing. Her biceps and shoulders were fatigued, but she continued to hit as violently as she could muster. She was exhausted and scared and hunted and alone. It was her fault. It was entirely her fault. She refused to bring any of her friends and family into the mix, and she pushed away the one person that could, and even wanted to help. She isolated herself, let her pride call the shots, threw a temper tantrum, and still had the impertinence to imagine the punching bag was now Inuyasha. Kagome swung one more time, gasping as her middle knuckle slid against the leather, clutching her fist to her chest just as she noticed the half demon standing next to her.

"I'm fine!" She snapped, throwing her hands up and turning away before he could say anything. There was a click in his breath as he stopped himself from speaking and it was enough to topple her barely-held restraint over the edge, so she turned back to him, lost in her reverie, her dark ponytail whipping her cheek from her spin. "No, you know what? Screw you, Inuyasha! I can't believe you'd just leave like that!"

"What the hell are you going on about?" He asked incredulously, trying to bite down the shock of her huffing and puffing before him.

"You always want to play the hero, so why would you throw this golden opportunity in the gutter, huh? Tell me the truth! I can handle it! I'm handling everything else just fine, so lay it on me!"

"Yeah, clearly."

"What ever happened to, "I won't let anyone hurt you, Kagome?”" She deepened her voice, giving her best attempt at mocking the half demon.

“Did something happen!?”

“Stop! You don't get to pretend like you care right now! You left my case!”

“How the hell did-"

"Was it because of what I said!?"

"Kagome!"

"I don't know what to do, Inuyasha!"

"Calming down is the first step!"

"I'm sorry! Is that what you wanted to hear? Because I am!"

He didn't rebuttal that time. Inuyasha dropped his hands to his sides, fists clenched, chest swelled, waiting for her to explain what the fuck was going on since he could sense her self-defeat. Kagome's breathing was labored and her cheeks were a furious red, lips almost the same color from the way she kept pressing them together and biting down on the bottom.

“I know I was out of line. It was wrong of me to treat you the way I did. The way I have been.” The tension radiating from her was finally easing, her anger waning, changing, shifting into sadness. No, guilt. Tears lined the brim of her tired eyes, spilling over as she blinked, her fingers gliding through her mess of bangs. “I was a jerk and I said things I shouldn't have. You were right, okay? I was still upset. I didn't expect any of this to happen, though! One minute, everything was fine, the next I've got both you and a stalker in my apartment! My ability to process things was, I don't know, shaken I guess. I know I probably deserve this, but a part of me never considered you’d hand over my case to anyone else.”

“Who the fuck told you I did?” Inuyasha asked, a fierce expression on his face, setting his jaw to silence his growl.

“I went to the station the other day and Hojo said you weren't on my case anymore.”

“So you just assumed I left it?”

“Well y-“

“You idiot.” He grunted, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t willingly leave it! I was kicked off! I’m involved in more ways than one, so our defense attorney said in order to make sure there’s a chance of a prosecution at the end of this, we had to do it by the book.”

Kagome stared at him, mouth sealing shut as she realized she never wanted to talk ever again, her belly gurgling with the unsettling humility she'd sheathed herself in. He hadn't abandoned her. Using the sleeve of her sweater, she hastily swiped away the tear stains on her cheeks, hoping that if she rubbed hard enough, she'd be able to erase her blowout from ever happening.

"You could have called me if you were that upset. I would have told you." Inuyasha said, crossing his arms over his chest, a subtle roll in his eyes.

"I was... I was mad at you."

"Face it, you still are." He said, holding his palm out so she'd give him her hand, wanting to see the knuckle she kept rubbing.

"No, that's not... I don't want to talk about that." Kagome looked away, unable to fight off her embarrassment, not wanting to meet his gaze.

"Me neither." He scoffed, grabbing her wrist when she didn't give it over, inspecting her reddened skin. Luckily, she didn't hit hard enough to split the delicate flesh, but she'd burned it pretty well. It'd be sensitive, but she'd be fine. "So, are you gonna tell me what happened, or are we gonna stand around in this awkward silence for a little while longer?"

Kagome took back her hand, gently massaging the tender area once more. She was right to assume the punching bag would do more harm than she ever could.

"I don't know... everything just became too much." She replied, giving a minute shrug. "Y'know, it took me two days to get my apartment back in working order, and I had to call out of work for one of those because I had to wash all of my bedding and clothes. Now, this morning, I wake up to gifts outside my door and a phone call from this guy saying he's sorry. Sorry." She chuckled cynically at the last word, too caught up in the audacity of her stalker to notice Inuyasha's stiffened reaction.

"What!?"

"No, it's-" Kagome caught herself, knowing that if she said it wasn't a big deal, Inuyasha would fight her into the cold ground. "There were chocolates and flowers, and I threw them in the garbage."

"He called you? Give me your phone!" Inuyasha ordered.

"It was with a blocked number this time." She turned to kneel in front of her backpack, doing as he said and fishing her phone out.

The hanyou snatched it up, glaring at her recent calls list in an attempt to scare the phone number into appearing. Even if it did, even if the perp hadn't bothered using star-sixty-seven like a little bitch, chances were it was just one of his burn phones. This guy just liked to appear all over the place to throw everyone off. The more you switch it up, the less there is to expect. "What did he say to you?"

"He gave me this cheap apology."

There was more. He could see it in the way she fluttered her lashes and continued to avoid eye contact. She was an awful liar.

"What else?"

She shook her head.

"Kagome, what else did he say?"

She looked up at him, her big, brown eyes riddled with perturbation, loosely wrapping her arms around her front. The discomfort spilling from her spiked, making it hard for Inuyasha to stand there idly until she was ready to speak. What had this fucker said to her? Something grotesque? A threat? He needed to know and he needed to know now before he lost his shit like she had. What the fuck did he say to make her mentally topple over this way? He opened his mouth to push her once more, his breath halting in his throat as she gave in.

"He said he's only using me to get to you." She said, her voice timid and small.

"Is that it?"

She nodded.

"Okay." He breathed, slightly relieved, allowing his shoulders to relax and his chest to deflate. He didn't like that the piece of shit was trying to play mind games with Kagome, but he couldn't help but be thankful that it didn't turn out to be anything worse. And in his line of work, he's heard so much worse. Inuyasha didn't blame her for her outrage. He didn't blame her for how exhausted she seemed, or how tiny she tried to make herself appear. The amount of stress she was under was incredible. It was only a matter of time before she broke down.

"Okay?"

"I kind of already figured that out."

"What? How?"

"Intuition. Look, don't worry about the nitty gritty right now." He tried to soften his tone, stepping forward an inch and hovering a hand beside her arm to see if she'd flinch away. She didn't. Instead, she seemed to ease her hold on herself, her fingers unfurling from the cotton of her sleeves. Slowly, gently, he gripped her shoulder, giving a small squeeze of reassurance. "That's my job, not yours. The only thing I need you to do is trust me. Once we have more substantial information, I'll let you know. Otherwise, premature details will only freak you out further."

"But you're off the case. How can you do anything if-"

"I'm helping, I just can't be in the immediate investigation. Everyone's still communicating with me. They let me know you stopped by and what happened. I was going to drop in and check on you, but I wasn't really in the mood to get yelled at." He retracted awkwardly, handing over her cellphone.

"Okay, yeah I kind of blew my top, but in all fairness, you egged me on." She stated, grabbing the phone and dropping it on top of her bag to be forgotten.

"I did not!"

"Can you get your head out of your ass for like twelve seconds and talk to me?" She mocked again, crossing her arms and cocking a brow to mimic his usual stature.

"First of all, you dick, I sound nothing like that."

She scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"Second, I said to talk to me. Not call me names and chew me out!"

"You just called me a dick."

"You called me an inconsiderate ass!"

"Maybe so." Kagome shrugged, not bothering to argue that one away. "You were pushing me to do it, though! You told me, and I quote, to get the pent-up aggravation off my chest!"

"You can't say "and I quote" if you're going to change my words around." He huffed.

"Oh my god, Inuyasha! You wanted reciprocation for your efforts, and that's all I had for you! You wanted to talk about a sensitive subject at the worst possible time! What did you expect, pleasantries!?"

"A civil conversation, maybe!" He barked.

"Oh, because you're captain of civility." Kagome responded sarcastically, almost laughing.

"I can be civil!"

"Mhm, like right now?" She smirked, shrugging her brows in a challenging expression. This was the most fun she'd had in weeks. Mostly because she knew she had him backed in a corner.

"What's your point?" Inuyasha asked, stiffening as he bit back his irritability in support of his argument.

"Only that you get all frustrated and pushy when things aren't going your way, and lose all traces of basic manners. Look, I take full responsibility for what I said, but you instigated my temper. There's a time and a place, Inuyasha, and that was not it."

"Maybe so." He echoed, the hint of sarcasm tainting the remark. "Would it have actually made a difference if I brought up the topic at a later opportunity? Because, I don't think it would have."

"You don't know that."

"Shut up!" Inuyasha groaned, shaking his head. "I know you. I fucking fear your temper. No matter what, you were bound to lose it."

"Not necessarily! There probably would have been less pillow throwing!"

Inuyasha inadvertently chuckled, nodding in agreement. She had him there. Kagome was never one for physically offending a person.

"In my meager defense, I wasn't prepared. For any of it; for my apartment to be turned upside down, for a screaming match in the middle of the night, or even to discuss what happened in the first place. It was kind of overwhelming." Kagome shrugged, partially conflicted with the whole matter. On the one hand, she knew she had the right to be upset with Inuyasha. He broke her trust. He'd crossed a line four months ago. On the other, she didn't deserve any sort of defense for what she'd said to him. She'd intended to hurt his ego. In turn, she'd crossed a line four days ago.

"Yeah, yeah. I get it." Inuyasha brushed off. "Neither was I. Hope you got it all off your chest, because what you need to learn to grasp now is that I'm here. I'm not fucking going anywhere, especially after this, so get used to it. Either we forget about what happened, or we hash it out. Those are our options." He knew he sounded brash, but he also knew he was getting his point across. He wasn't going to leave her.

Not now.

Not ever.

It was never supposed to happen at all. It was one giant clusterfuck of a situation, but at this point in time, he didn't give a damn. As frustrating as she was, as horrible of a fall out as they'd had, he loved Kagome too goddamn much to let her slip away again; to let her deal with this bullshit alone. Even if they never reestablished whatever they used to have, he was fine with that. That wasn't what mattered. Being her friend wasn't even what mattered right now. Everything came second to her well-being.

Eventually, Kagome gave an acknowledging nod, releasing a large sigh as she gave a feeble smile. He knew she wouldn't opt for talking about things right now, and a part of him couldn't help but be grateful. It wasn't necessary. Not at the moment. Her head wasn't on straight, which was more than understandable. While he knew the ins and outs of victimization, she didn't. This was new to her, and obviously she wasn't handling things very well anymore. Hell, she'd hung on longer than he'd expected, though, and credit was definitely due there.

While her skin may be delicate, her mindset and her heart were not. Kagome was tough, and in many ways, much stronger than Inuyasha. She didn't know this, and if he had his way she never would, but not too long ago one affectionate graze from her had him mentally, and almost physically, debilitated for hours. Pigs would fly the day he ever saw Kagome literally swoon the way he pathetically had.

"Look, um..." Inuyasha cleared his throat, clenching his fists to resist the thirst he had to run his fingers through her bangs. "Like I said, don't worry about anything else right now, okay? It's not important. You still need to hit something?" He asked, walking towards a large equipment closet at the other side of the gym.

"That's probably not a good idea with the show I just put on."

"It'll be fine. Catch."

She flinched, barely snagging a small punching pad before it slipped through the crack in her arms, looking up to see him on his way back over with another, similarly sized pad in his grasp. He gave a small chuckle at her clumsiness, taking the object from her as soon as he closed the distance, dropping them both to the floor. Inuyasha began undoing the wraps protecting his knuckles, the long, black material unfurling and reaching the mat.

"Come on." He gestured for her to put her hand out before him, and Kagome mindlessly followed suit, watching as he began to wrap her palm with the black lining in a design that covered both her knuckles and wrist.

"Gross, it's sweaty."

"Deal with it. I didn't bring any extra." Inuyasha murmured, securing the fit before undoing his next hand and wrapping her other one over. "Tight enough, or too tight?"

"No, it's good." She replied, curling and uncurling her fingers to test the padding he'd created.

"Make a fist." He said, waiting for her to show him so he could adjust her thumb and wrists. "Jeez. Every time, Kagome."

"It's been months!" She defended. Inuyasha retrieved the punching pads from the floor, sliding his palm into the gloved portion at the back and securing the strap around his wrist. He handed the other one over to Kagome as she aided him in getting it secured, watching him smack the two circular cushions together before holding them out in front of him.

"Okay, now remember to pivot into your- get in the stance. Come on."

She did as she was told, angling her form with her left hip and shoulder facing Inuyasha, knees slightly bent, bringing her fists up to protect her face. "Pivot my back foot for more force. I remember that much."

"You can remember that, but you can't remember to keep your wrists straight?"

"It's not-"

"Wrists straight, Kagome!"

She quickly adjusted her wrists, guarding her face from his flying, padded hand as he gently swatted her head. "Okay! I'm sorry!"

"Remember the combo?" Inuyasha asked.

"I think so."

"Good. I want you to go until you can't anymore. Aim for the pads, not my face."

"I wouldn't do any damage."

"You've damn near given me a concussion before."

"Hush. You're just a sissy."

"Yeah, yeah. Show me what you got, baby." Inuyasha slapped the pads together once more as he steeled his position, a loud smack bouncing off the walls of the gym.

#inuyasha #kagome #Kagome Higurashi #inukag #Inuyasha fanfiction #Inuyasha fanfic #Inuyasha fic #inukag fanfic #inukag fic #in between #my writing #akitokihojo

41 notes · View notes