#I guess we have to trust right???
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Nhie season 4 spoilers under the cut!!! Be warned!! If you don’t want to be spoiled don’t go any further.
Also please remember a lot of this is out of context!!! I am hoping it all plays out a lot better on screen. These are from Reddit and Twitter. They were sent to me by other people but I thought I could share. Feel free to add on!
#never have i ever spoilers#nhie spoilers#nhie season 4 spoilers#never have i ever#benvi#losing my mind about all of this#screaming crying on the floor#not sure if I’m happy or not#I guess we have to trust right???
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I love it when women hate men. I love it when women are allowed to vent to each other about how horrible and creepy men are. I love it when women form friendships with and prioritize each other over relationships with men(whether they're attracted to them or not). I love it when women put men dni in their bios and on their nude photos and on posts on their blogs. I love it when women refuse to mollycoddle and accommodate entitled male feelings with "but this doesn't mean I hate all men, I know a few men who are great, I love my father/sons/brothers/uncles/male cousins/guy friends" I love it when women complain about men WITHOUT "not all men" being a disclaimer. I love it when women avoid socializing with/refuse to be around/befriend/get close to men because they know men can't be trusted. I love it when women make "kill all men" jokes. I love it when women offer absolutely no concern or care for men's feelings and if their misandry offends men whatsoever because why should we, men are the oppressor class who have raped and killed and abused us and kept us as subjugated as second-class citizens for millennia, they regularly mistreat us and the women in their own marginalized communities still every single day and make this world so much harder and more awful for us to be in, and if we choose to hate them and not spare them any sympathy then so be it, and I don't just mean "men as a class" either, you can be a woman who doesn't want to have anything to do with any man on an individual basis and completely cuts off men from her personal life too and ykw I will love and fucking support you in that because men deserve absolutely NOTHING from us. If they're so tough and strong then they can handle it just like they can handle being lonely. If you are a woman who hates men, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE A LESBIAN AND/OR A TRANS WOMAN, then just know that I love you. I love you, I support you, and you are safe here.
#was going to make a post about how much i hate that women aren't allowed to hate their oppressors but i decided to spin it into something#positive instead#this is supposed to be the feminist site that makes reddit mgtow piss their baby diapers so let's go back to despising men and not coddling#their feelings and let's dye our hair blue while we're at it#i am so tired of this new wave of guilt-tripping and gaslighting women who hate men and don't trust or want to be around them#i hate how we're made into villainesses or the problematic ones for not valuing them in our lives or for wanting to guard ourselves or be#safe from our oppressors#and i'm tired of people who don't know the first thing about feminism being like 'BUT THAT'S TERF RHETORIC WHAT ABOUT X MINORITY MEN'#guess what women can also be x minority that you're trying to protect the men of and we get to hate men too#trans women are included when i say women btw and trans men are included when i say men#if anyone has the right to hate men more than anybody else it's trans women esp trans lesbians because they put up with so much shit#from men that even cis women do not and they especially know how vile men are behind closed doors#so#terfs fuck off#radfems fuck off#and if anybody tries to make this post more appeasing to men or 'not all men's this post you are getting blocked and hit with a hammer#feminism#misogyny#sexism#patriarchy#tw men#tw rape#tw abuse#misandry#terfs dni#radfems dni#feminists need to go back to being scary and unpalatable for men none of this 'but some of them are good!' bullshit#men are entitled to nothing from us#and if you try to prove me wrong then you are just proving my point if you have nothing good to say then simply keep scrolling#ok? ok.
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the very first words out of shih-na's mouth to lang after admitting to being a spy and a murderer are flirting with him. you really have to respect a girlie who shoots her shot even in her darkest hour
#langna#shih-na#shi-long lang#aai spoilers#guess i'll try to spoiler tag more what with the collection coming out soon#jokes aside i truly am losing my mind over how quickly she rushes to say this completely unprompted when she gains nothing from it#she could have just been like haha you're so stupid for trusting me or taunted him about everything she got away with right under his nose#unfortunate that after this scene like Nobody ever explores their feelings about shih-na ever again and then in aai2 lang is just like. Fin#but it's fine. aai3 will come out on the swithc 2 next year (pointing emoji) and we will see soooo many complex motives
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guys if the next n25 event is kanade5 and kanade helps mizuki in a way no one else could because kanade is what brought n25 together in the first place and gives mizuki strength to face her fears can you all go "alma you're so smart" and "alma we love you and your infinite wisdom" and "alma i'm going to draw kanamizu for you"
#proseka#project sekai#mizuki akiyama#kanade yoisaki#kanamizu#mizukana#i also accept written kanamizu i accept all forms of kanamizu 😤#'any reason you brought this up' THE CARDS!!!!! THERE'S A FRILLY STRING OF FABRIC IN EVERY CARD EXCEPT KANADE'S!!!!!!!#KANADE IS HOLDING MIZUKI'S BOW INSTEAD!!!!!!!!!!!! IT MUST BE FORESHADOWING!!!!!!!!!!!#it's also me manifesting kanamizu because i swear we haven't had a proper kanamizu event since carnation#which is my fav niigo event and it's not even CLOSE#also i've lost hope on them continuing kanade's dad's storyline#also kanade focuses are sadly never kanade focuses at all#like colopale will probably go 'oh wasn't kanade4 nice? wasn't it nice how it ACTUALLY was a kanade focus?' and then go 'fuck you lol <3'#seriously though kanade4 was so good.......... even the 4koma catered to me lmao kanamizuena best niigo ship i love them so much#ever since i guessed the mfks dynamic i am a bit too proud#but to be fair i also guessed tsukasa and saki would be on the same colorfes#and that mfks would meet at an anni event but have an event together on june and that it'd be a lim#and that tsukasa has an underlying moon motif#and that shizuku is the only person who can fluster tsukasa#granted all of those are tsukasa related but THAT MEANS NOTHING I'LL BE RIGHT ON THIS ONE. TRUST#i'm saying also a lot in this post jgbhjgfj#my other theory is that it'll get solved in a mix event w rui and an (and maybe the other kamiyama guys (gender neutral)#WAIT I ALSO GUESSED THAT KAITO WOULD DEBUT ON A KANADE FOCUS. THERE'S HOPE FOR THE THEORY KANAMIZU IS WELL AND ALIVE AND IT WILL HAPPEN!!!
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tumblr kww fandom was formed seperately from most other social media corners of the fandom. and that leads to silly things like the commonly used name "kww collab" and kenfies vs kenifies. and probably more. cedar if theres any more im forgetting that u know of say them pls
(in response to this confession)
#confessions#series: kww collab#very true! i have not interacted w ANY other part of the fandom myself#but. it fascinates me deeply#i think that like. the kww collab fandom on tumblr is innately based off the original theorisers? maybe???#like. i was the one who came up w calling it kww collab bcs we needed a tag to group all our theories! thats the origin of the name!#ship name kenfies MIGHTT have come from this blog? i have a discord message of me coming up w it on jul 1 bcs there was a confession abtthe#and kenfies is what i went with. thats the best explanation i have (the funniest part is me not even shipping them)#(an alternative was wifen (as proposed by nia))#this fandom was just innately started differently and in isolation#and its really fucking interesting#tumblr users often not using any other social media plays into it too i think ?#but. yeah i cant think of any other examples that would showcase this difference bcs as mentioned i am just not on other places LMAO#ao3 ofen being heavily associated w tumblr as WELL AS saiint havng posted a Lot of kww fanfic is also the reson why kww collab is usedon ao#anyway yep you are right. i am deeply fascinated#yet another long ramble in the tags#(yk i just realised that this sounds like im tooting my own horn and trust me chat im not sorry if it came off that way sadfhslgk.#i just SOMEHOW was vaguely important in this fandom i guess)
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i think the funniest neal relationship is when he's dating sara because 90% of it is 'we both like to be dressed to the nines at all hours of the day and night, we should fuck about it' and the instant they have any disagreement whatsoever they're like oh right our expensive and impractical taste in clothing is the only thing we have in common
#she was like oh i want adventure so i will date a conman...wait not this much! babe stop doing art crime and just be theoretically bad!#hes like oh i have absolutely 100% moved on from the late great One Real Relationship ive ever had in my life i'm fine we're fine it's fine#sara doesn't think lunch counts as a date and he never thinks to plan real dates because he more or less counts all time spent together#and their relationship STARTS while El is telling sara how much better her and peter's lives are for having neal in them#and sara's like 'well what if i don't trust him' and El's like 'git gud i guess. i trust him with my life'#and the parallel conversation is peter gushing about how lucky in love he's been and neal going :( i dont think that's me :(#and peter going oh you just have to give it time :) you just need the right people :) you got this :)#like sara's cool but the two of them were doomed from the start as any sort of romantic partners#we did get some great leyendecker-esque scenes out of them posing in clothes though. so that was cool#white collar#q
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Thinking about Orchid and her connection to my take on Gender (because this was meant to be about her and the Crew but it just devolved into a character analysis kinda??? More trauma-dumping maybe???) This is very much an oc/personal rant so feel free to ignore it 🫡
So, Orchid started off as a character I didn't really think much of (hear me out this is going to be relevant) because I wanted to add a 'girl' character but didn't know what to *do* with her, y'know? She was always going to be the strongest one there, she had the odds stacked in her favor with her parents. She was always going to be the gloomy side-character to match Reset's energy. But I think she's gone through every stage of Generic Woman I could possibly find.
At first she was angry and abrasive (think Fell!Sans) where every other word was a curse and she was likely to throw the first punch then laugh as she kicks her enemy while they're down. This was when Reset was a cartoonishly self-centered villain whose goal was simply to prove others wrong. Then Orchid became a sort of sisterly figure. This was short-lived, but she was the one comforting people who Reset would torment, but would ultimately follow his orders, because at this point he was actually a danger and sadistic. And then there was the phase where the story mellowed out and she became the token Goth Girl who, yes she was strong, but was heavy on the 'whatever' energy. Then there was her Era of deep self-loathing and anxiety about her worth that held her back and made her a much more timid and meek character who would only lash out on occasion.
Now, Orchid is the best of those iterations I've written yet. She's calm, level-headed, and a natural leader. Her father raised those traits into her. But she's very reactive, and can be silly, and when she's comfortable it's likely that air of importance transforms into something more comfortable and familiar. She laughs loudly and grins wide, she likes loud video-games but loves to read in the quiet. She's extremely disciplined, and normally no one can get through her tough exterior besides her best friend, Reset. She does what she does for her own enjoyment, sure, but she's thought of every angle and makes her choice to help Reset and control the others with her whole chest. She still worries she won't live up to her invisible expectations, and that and her loyalty are her two driving forces.
I know that Orchid is important to me because she's the longest-running female oc I've had. I have a rough relationship with womanhood/girlhood and I know looking back that Orchid recieved every ounce of my distaste for being a woman that I could shovel into her. That never made her less of a character, she was actually always one of my favorites, and rarely was she a 'punching bag oc'. I just... projected onto her a lot. And she's a good sign of how I've learned who I am. I've decided that my own femininity is something I could live without. I'd rather not associate myself with it, and I'd like to leave it in my past, focusing on a future where I'm not tied down with any gender roles or expectations. That won't happen, but I've come to terms with it myself. Orchid though? I figured out through her that I don't have to hate women characters. My own distaste for my circumstances doesn't mean I have to push it onto my characters (on God I've never expressed anything rude to actual people, that'd be rude as hell and uncalled for, but I have a bad habit of disliking fictional women in media). So, Orchid is a well-roubded character finally. She has motivations abd goals and a *lot* more depth than I ever expected her to. She's happy with being a woman, she's content. She's not treated differently for it in unfair ways by those she cares about, so she doesn't mind it. She likes to wear pretty outfits and lets Reset add bows to her ribbons. She doesn't let being a woman hold her back in the slightest.
So, yeah. Orchid is one of my babies. If I ever leave this Fandom behind for good, she's one that's coming with (Ichor, Orchid, and Pretender all have human designs I can use elsewhere lol-) but in the meantime I'll just rotate her around in my brain for a while longer.
If I'm right, she's been with me for nearly 5-6 years and I went through a *lot* with her as an outlet. So, she's kinda just like an old stuffed animal. A lil ripped, matted fur, maybe a stain or two, but there's a story there and that makes it important beyond belief.
#spotatalk#i'm just gonna drop this in the queue I guess?#but I'm writing this on the last day of june so....#whenever this rolls around will be a jumpscare abd a half I guess?#I think honestly I coukd do a full breakdown of the Crew and why they're all expressions of me but like#quick summary is#Reset: Wants approval from people but mostly clings to the past. is afraid of losing his brother and acts on it to bring him back. i#<- I lack that conviction to do whatever you have to to get your way. i worry my brother and I have a weird gap between us we wont repair#Orchid: Uhhh woman. lots of pressure that she had at one time that's now no being pressed but she still tries to live up to it also.#<- I don't like the pressure of being a woman. also gifted-kid who cannot move past the pressures imposed to be 'perfect' and it's screwed#Stereo: Pulled into a situation he doesn't want to be in initially. it's bad for him but he likes the people so he decides to stay#<- I see the good in people. even when they hurt others around me. I was a bystander often and should've left the situations. paralelling.#Monochrome: Afraid. No purpose or preperation in life. soneone offers to guide him and he takes that offer because it's better than home.#<- Kinda self-explanitory but I've got little direction and feel lost a lot of the time. If I'm given a path I usually walk it no hesitation#and... for fun let's do some others!#Haphazard: Cleaning up after others since childhood. he's never really gotten a break and sees any sort of mess as an enemy#-> He's fixing rifts in universes I gotta patch relationships. there's so much conflict and I'm always so overwhelmed by it#Lost: He's got amnesia. no clue where he is. where he's from. who you are. who he is. he'll know when he gets there. he's sure.#-> I've been hsving minor issues with my memory for years. i coukd be forgetful but sometimes it just escapes me and that's spooky#Teddy: Isolated in her universe for years. she self-mutilated until she liked herself. when she finally met people she compulsively lied#-> Much more extreme version of how isolated I sonetines feel. hobbies can't replace human interaction but it's hard#oh and Ichor: God who loves mortals but cannot seem to find ones who will prove hin right for his trust and care#<- I've got a big heart. i express it often but the sentinent is scoffed off a lot. I get beat down about it and just keep moving forward#Pretender: Knows who he is. however the world doesn't like it much so he acts how they expect him to or isolates away#<- I still present femme when I'm nb/agender. i bend and break to people's perception of me. if I can't solve something I run.#okay I feel more insane than when ai started but these stupid skeletons have helped me through so many mental health problems it's only a#little bit funny 🙏
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parents are funny the way they want you to be open and honest with them, supposedly, but when you are, it leads to some fucking confrontation that didn’t need to happen, and when that happens, it leads to something you weren’t ready to say coming out, then being coaxed out into a still very much controlled held-back version of describing your lifelong experience feeling shame for existing the way you do and not being “easy” or as good as like, your little sister, academically, or as capable of masking as anyone else, and THAT carefully worded recall of just the natural fucking feelings of growing up in a frankly abusive household, resulting in.. oh, sorry, YOUR FATHER crying as if he wasnt just trying to gaslight you into thinking he didnt tell you the other day to Improve Yourself As A Person (right before the conversation about his mother entering hospice so now guess who can’t fucking mourn without associating it with that!) and that he instead was saying Improve Your Situation
and then he like catches you like visibly dissociating, comments, you try and put it in very simple words what just happened (in the same manner you have pointed out every other little thing he does to invalidate your feelings, or as he’d put it, “your feelings” yes using air quotes) and he suddenly is a fucking Psychology Scholar And Didn’t Need You To Explain What The Defense Mechanism Even Was and oh then also admitting to doing harm in the past, saying he had apologized (wonder why i dont remember), your mother(actual psychology minor) getting all “i’m sorry you feel that way” and also after a long ass tangent about there being a difference between “shamed” and “ashamed” as if you didn’t mean the word you say, a thing you did make very clear, ONCE AGAIN FUCKING CRYING ABOUT YOU BEING OPEN AND HONEST FOR ONCE AND TELLING THEM THEY HURT YOU
#its been. a wild fucking semester so far#oh and then also my fucking brother saying it’s like he doesnt have a sibling and i dont give a shit Sooo Much that i made my father cry#respectfully i fucking held the thing that would actually ruin him back.#because i did a fucking interview with his mother years ago for a class#and she talked about the way her mother treated her#when he first found out i was like. violently depressed as a teen#he drew the mental parallel of his mother getting hospitalized#for shit her fuckinf mother caused.#he cannot comprehend the pain he causes.#by all means my morher can comprehend what she does. she just. does she give a shit actually? lol#i feel for him. right now. in his grief process#but the fucking audacity to see me exercising autonomy and telling them they fucking traumatized me basically#AND COLLECTIVELY CONTINUINF TO USE THE FUCKING ABUSE TACTICS#im sure he was crying genuinely. but if i cry it is never genuine to them it feels#so.#yeah.#i havent been on tumblr i had a experiment thing for a class on social media breaks even though. lol. mental health? isolation??#but like. i think just the process of realizing wwwwhy we are the way we are#so immensely fucked up#its been a lot#its just. fucking sad i got forced into THIS conversation prematurely#but my fucking bad for trusting my mother i guess#vent#vent tw#anyway i was gonna push therapy back a week but. oooooooooweeeeee
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gurathin, thiago, indah...starting to get the sense that if murderbot didn't have any specific person playing the role of "someone i deep down respect who i'm convinced hates me" at any given time, presaux would have to assign someone, for enrichment purposes
#murderbot#the murderbot diaries#mb needs an anti-support human. like instead of a service dog it has a human that frowns at it sometimes#and it interprets these frowns as 'oh i guess this human just HATES ME. i guess we're ENEMIES. but WHATEVER I'M FINE WITH IT'#even though that's just what this human's face does when they're thinking really hard or something#like i'm rereading network effect and every time mb is cranky about thiago not liking it i'm like. babe you are reading way into it#he's skeptical. you love skepticism! he does not hate you he's just being cautious#in some ways quite similar to you really#'thiago doesn't trust me. how DARE HE' babe we have been here before#that's exactly what you said about gurathin!#i mean is he an asshole? yes. but so are you and so is your best mutual administrative assistant. you love assholery#i just think it's funny that 1) mb trusts no one until it knows them really well and 2) mb is SO OFFENDED when people who don't know it#super well don't trust it fully and implicitly right off the bat#my posts#f#well it's christmas and i don't have anywhere to be today because my family stuff is on monday this year. so i am very bored#you know what that means. deep dive into the drafts#also probably trying to find an ask meme to reblog#this draft is from july i think
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some people will be all about mental health awareness and leftist ideals of at least tolerating the mentally ill who show ''ugly'' symptoms until it's someone they know and ''care'' about having a bad day and acting like it in a way they don't find appealing
#[temporary text post tag]#vagueing about irls#everybodys your friend until one time youre too tired to act right after getting yelled at first thing in the morning#worst thing is i trusted her enough to tell her shit none of my other friends know about#liek i genuinely believed we were friends and i wasnt just an accessory so she wouldnt feel lonely and could vent to someone about whatever#now im really wondering if all the shit she told me about other people was real or if she just ditched them as well after they-#- acted emotionally in a way she didnt like#like im sorry people have bad days and sometimes act in none cutesy ways#at this point idk if the few times i did tell her im feelin like shit she took it seriously or just thought i was joking#im kinda assuming the second one#like she did feel and act fairly progressive - she'd often talk about acceptance and understanding#i don't even think she sees this situation as dropping a 'freind'#she's prolly gonna find a way to justify it somehow idk#point is im hurt and need a drink#she even vaguely texted me like 'if someone you knew hurt someone you care about would you try to fix it with them or just block them?'#like not even confront me and say 'you hurt someone i care about so now im ending things'#or just tell me to fuck off or call me a piece of shit#i feel after a year and all of the 'youre a good friend' shit that maybe i was at least entitled to a 'fuck off kys' text and then a block#i shouldve dropped her first - save us both some time#honestly i dont even think she thinks about this at all#im probably just sulking like a kicked dog while she does whatever the fuck it is she does#she probably didnt even care about my side of the story#why would she#honestly she always did most of the talking#i was just there to listen and sometimes make a joke for her to laugh at i guess#like i didnt know i was signing up for a '1 strike and youre out' type deal lmao
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LYING TO THE FEDERATION’S FACE YIPPEE🎉🎉🎉
#this is right after both her and fred asked ‘how can I trust you to tell the truth’ and bagi said ‘i guess we both just have to trust#each other’#she then went on to say maybe it was felps LMAO#he hasnt logged on in months and is still catching strays😭#qsmp#oibagi#liveblogging
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GOD i am trying so fucking hard not to read into the fact that tom repressed the shit out of how he actually felt when he learned he probably won’t go to jail and then when he went to greg, he could. express it. you know. he could be himself. i really hate so much what i read into it BECAUSE I SHOULDN’T BC I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS LATER AND I SHOULDN’T TRUST THIS SHIT BUT ARHJARHA HOW CAN I NOT WHEN HE’S REPRESSED ASF PER USUAL BUT THE MOMENT HE GOES TO GREG OR IS ALONE WITH GREG HE EXPRESSES HIMSELF FULLY, HIS RAGE, PAIN, [MANIC] HAPPINESS, AFFECTION. I HATE THIS SO MUCH. AND GREG IS IN THE CORNER COWERING BC HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THAT THE REASON TOM ACTS THIS WAY AROUND HIM IS. no. i Refuse to read That into it. but yall get what i’m saying right.
AND THEN THIS
are you fucking kidding me. like was that really fucking necessary.
#tomgreg#god i hate thi IS S how#im gonan. i gotta sit down for a sec i'm jahving a jhemmhorrage#hemorrage#mhem?? you know that ththing#oh yall are prob expecting a novel in the tags wel like i said in the post. i think it's interesting that tom is like. Himself. around greg.#when they're alone. he can be like. maybe his core self? i don't know. maybe it's some kind of. parallel.#to how he tries to be a roy. which can be compared to say. roman. who was confirmed to have had the concept.#of being gay. like. they put on a show right. like roman's true self is he'd die for his family. but he won't say it outright.#and in fact hates being called out on it/makes excuses for it.#you see where i'm going with this. they pretend to be. yk. something they're not.#but around greg HES SO EXPLOSIVE and SO AFFECTIONATE and so PLAYFUL. like i said. he's like a schoolboy.#we get glimpses of that with shiv but she doesn't seem to like it so he learns to repress it.#when greg refused his little wrestle to the ground [by the way. ok gayass] he got snippy and took it as a rejection.#but it won't stop him from continuing to be himself around greg bc there's something about him i guess.#like obviously i'm trying really hard to think rationally about this bc i don't know if i can trust the writers with something like this.#and i'm getting conflicting thoughts and feelings and ideas from stuff i've seen about season 4.#but like. yeah. i don't know. it's interesting to me. this scene was interesting to me.#i'm not gonna cap the whole tom going koo koo bananas bc well he flipped a desk and beat his chest unga bunga. but. yeah.#ALSO GREG ASKNG ''IS IT REAL'' BEFORE TOM KISSES HIM GOD SEND THE FLOOD#DONT FUCKING DO THAT#anYWYA IM GOING MY BLOOD PRESSURE IS RISING little lord fuckleroy has left the call#txt#SORRY SORRY ALSO tom calling them the waystar two hAHHhhhhhfdne wowowoewoewd what is he your fucking boywife. fuck outta here
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happy one year to her and one of my better opening lines for a fic <3
now, because i'm curious:
#to hell and back again#i genuinely can't believe it's a year but i guess that's how time works huh :')#anyway umm gonna leave some retrospective thoughts in the tags:#1. i hold this fic near to my heart but also have a very complicated relationship with it now-#mostly bc i feel like my writing has improved so much and it's hard for me to reread parts of this lol#2. i honestly feel like it's a product of its time? like i think if i was publishing it now people wouldn't like it nearly as much#(especially with the opening line wHICH HAS A POINT AND COMES FULL CIRCLE AT THE END OK JUST TRUST ME)#3. on a sadder note this also means it's been a year since we had to put my family's eldest dog down#i remember i was gonna post this first chapter later when i had finished another fic up#but then our dog just like. straight up started dying on my mom's bedroom floor#and my mom was too distressed/upset to take her to the vet so i had to put her in my car and take her on my own#and then had to go to work right after that#so yeah i was upset and was like 'well dammit im gonna post this then bc it's silly and makes me laugh and i am sad'#so yeah!! some thoughts and behind the scenes info for anyone who's bothered to read this many tags#idk these things just feel like Tags thoughts not Post thoughts#anyway thanks for all the love this one has gotten!! i'm glad people are still enjoying it though *will voice* it's been a year mike#byler
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#∅#having no bodily autonomy because leah calls the shots around here :/#cant be mad tho#we do in fact need to eat#its also just not a big deal for me im not around that much#i mean i guess i forfeited the right to have any meaningful control over this body when im the one putting it in danger half the time#cant be trusted with it i guess#blegh
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Do you think Josh went to Stef's big birthday bash? I didn't see him in any photos... maybe it was too fancy for him to get invited??
damn, i guess josh didn't care 😭 LMFAO
tbh tho.. i would not either.. if i saw this.. my number one conspirer. Yep, going right back through that door once i see that. Clearly, im intruding on family activities, ill be in the car waiting for u like a dog LOL
hes including himself in this
i love how trev looks so done with him, his brother's eldest sister queen syndrome 😭. Does that cake have fondant on it ??
of COURSE he wants that giant dumpster of a car, of COURSE. Let's calm down, veruca salt
#stef wearing all white like hes abt to get married and making everyone else wear black bcs theyre not the bday boy 😭#THATS why josh isnt there!#theyre having their collective bachelor parties <3 thats all <33#crisis averted 😊#that belt of pearls ouuuuuuuuu ok aprhodite emerging from an oyster#idk why but he looks so cute and stout here like#a picture of josh bearhugging stef wouldve been soooooooo perfect#i would be soooo happy#sigh#but unfortunately josh accidentally wore grey and not black and stef just couldnt allow that mishap on his hands#ruining HIS special night#into the doghouse with u josh 😔 either get ur shades right like a true girl or die i guess#this shindig seems way too fancy for a lot of football teammates but ESPECIALLY the farmers only .com bills like#we literally had cole beasley on the team once like#i dont rlly blame him for keeping things elegant only 😭#BUT THAT MEANS HE BETTER HAVE 2 PARTIES BCS DAMN :(#dont worry they had a lockerroom gangb*ng or whatever#mckenzie even came back for it!#dude trust me i watched#every nba/nfl tumblrina can be omnipresent if we all just try hard enough#source? dude just trust me#ted asks#diggs
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So after our ermmmmm turbulent first relationship-turned-situationship of 2 years w our ex highschool best friend our longest lasting relationship is <24hrs total and still managed to end w the person saying I'm terrible???? Fuck.
Tough thing is, I did my damn best but every time I explain this shit it'll ALWAYS sound like I'm leaving something out that I did wrong; but I was always the one apologizing even growing up I always had to apologize, is there just something about me that makes my actions more severe? Why do I have to feel guilty over people who never cared to actually know me? Did I not work hard enough to be "known"? I only ever wanted to see them happy and I thought I expressed that.
Why do people think that it's ok to try and gaslight me just so they don't have to admit fault? I know she blocked me and I said I respected that, only for her to try to tell me that I didn't care. Well I admit fault when it's mine, but the minute I ask the same of the other person they just act like I want to be "right." Well am I wrong for wanting to be CONSIDERED? For wanting my perspective acknowledged the way I take theirs into account?
Plenty of people find others that care for them like that. Why do people stop caring about what I need just because I act independent? I don't even ask for much. I had to stop myself from asking for "basic kindness" when she asked me what I wanted in a partner at the risk of sounding pathetic, but I guess I don't even get that. I just upset motherfuckers one way or another, I don't even have to do anything but be myself.
Is it something you really do earn? Something I have yet to lower myself to deserve? I want someone to be fucking honest with me, allow me to be honest as well, and not abandon me for it. Someone needs to tell me what the fuck I'm doing wrong. Is everyone I'm close with just going to freak out and run the other way the SECOND I mess up, just because I normally don't? Because I try so hard not to, I'm just expected not to? Not an ounce or effort of forgiveness that makes me give people chance after chance even when they hurt me?
Don't lie about me.
It's ok for everyone else but not for me.
Why? Hey,
why can't I just get it right?
#vent#i guess#tagging in case ppl don't want to see that shit but I'm rlly all right#just confused out of my mind#like this girl i met up w blocked ME from texting#only to come insult me a week later#after i told her I was ok with her decision just confused#like why even pick a fight#if i didn't deserve that why did it happen (terrible mindset to have but I'm 21 a whole adult i shouldn't have even tried to start#a relationship with her but i did i just idk if I didn't want a partner i wouldn't have)#I don want it to happen again#we just miss having that person we could or thought we could trust w anything#we wanted to build that again idk#she shoulda just left me blocked why come back to blalme me when i tried so hard#blitz helluva boss irl speedrun any % (kill us nowwwww /j)#i think were gonna take a look at in-system relationships for now i cannot do this lmao#we're gonna bounce back quick it's just a WEIRD FUCKIN SITUATION#but like. lore idk here you go#LORE LMAO UR SO MELODRAMATIC#<---- me @ me#except “i” never liked her so get owned chez#i don't have to sign off shit what r u a cop
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