#I got the sun in the morning 2010

[multixfan]

I love how they always give her ginger and curly hair!! avis amberg reno sweeney etc.

clip from: joanne's vodka stinger on youtube

[sagesskies]

ʏᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ ᴄᴇᴏ

✒ ᴍᴏɴᴇʏ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ʙᴜʏ ʏᴏᴜ

✉ - ʟᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴀɴᴏɴʏᴍᴏᴜꜱ - ʜᴇʏ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ! ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ᴀ ʟᴏᴠᴇꜱɪᴄᴋ ᴄᴇᴏ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀ ɢɴ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ ᴀᴛ ᴀ ᴄᴏꜰꜰᴇᴇ ꜱʜᴏᴘ ʜᴇ ꜰʀᴇQᴜᴇɴᴛꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ɪᴛ ɢᴏᴇꜱ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ? (ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ʀᴇQᴜᴇꜱᴛꜱ ʀɴ ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ɪɢɴᴏʀᴇ, ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ɢʀᴇᴀᴛ ᴅᴀʏ/ɴɪɢʜᴛ ♥)

ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇꜱ: ꜱᴛᴀʟᴋᴇʀɪꜱʜ ʙᴇʜᴀᴠɪᴏʀꜱ, ᴀɢᴇ ɢᴀᴘ (ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ɪꜱ ɪɴ ᴇᴀʀʟʏ ᴛᴡᴇɴᴛɪᴇꜱ, ᴍɪʟᴀɴ ɪꜱ ɪɴ ʟᴀᴛᴇ 30ꜱ), ᴇᴀᴛɪɴɢ ᴅɪꜱᴏʀᴅᴇʀ (ᴍɪʟᴀɴ), ɪɴꜱᴏᴍɴɪᴀ (ᴍɪʟᴀɴ), ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ʜᴀꜱ ᴀ ɢɪʀʟꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ, ᴜɴʜᴇᴀʟᴛʜʏ ʙᴇʜᴀᴠɪᴏʀ (ʟɪᴛᴇʀᴀʟʟʏ), ᴘᴏꜱꜱᴇꜱꜱɪᴠᴇɴᴇꜱꜱ, ɪᴍᴘʟɪᴇᴅ ɴᴇɢʟᴇᴄᴛꜰᴜʟ ᴘᴀʀᴇɴᴛꜱ, ᴛᴇʟʟ ᴍᴇ ɪꜰ ɪ ᴍɪꜱꜱᴇᴅ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴇʟꜱᴇ!

Yandere CEO who first met you at your job in your friend's family bakery. Young, bright, and full of life, wearing a baby blue apron. You eagerly greeted him with a smile, and asked how he was doing. There was nothing forced about your mannerisms, it was all genuinely, purely, you. 

Yandere CEO, despite knowing it'll all end up flushed down a toilet, comes in everyday ordering the different pastries you recommend. After his seventh visit, you jokingly ask him if he's got any cavities yet and he blushes. Not that you notice. 

Yandere CEO who gathers the courage to talk to you beyond simple good mornings, and responding to your questions of: “How are you Milan?” or “So that'll it be for today, eh?” and stammers out things like, “N- Nice weather today, huh?” and even, “Uh.. How- How long have you been working here for?” It's all simple, nearly no substance, but it's exceptional progress for somebody like him who barely even speaks to his secretaries beyond plain Yes's and No's. 

Yandere CEO whose fair face turns a furious red whenever you tease or compliment him, calling him things like adorable and cute. Never has he been called anything like that before. People see him, with his bodybuilder-esque physique and stoic face, with it's fierce features, and are too intimidated to treat him with anything other than with a  respect that is borne out of fear. 

Yandere CEO who knows this is wrong. He's 38 years old, and you're only what? 23? This is wrong, this is taboo, this is predatory. But his heart can't help but beat furiously for you each time he steps inside the quaint little bakery. Your bright smile, your gentle eyes, your warm voice. You are like the sun, and he is your ever-devoted Icarus, who will crash and burn if he tries to even fly an inch closer.

Yandere CEO who is unable to sleep at night. He's used to this, he's had insomnia since he was a teenager in highschool, but never like this before. Where previously it was paranoia and anxieties that kept sleep at bay now it was you, the scent of pastries and bread, and your warmth. 

Yandere CEO who unconsciously starts to act like a teenage girl. Doodling your name in the margins of his paperwork, writing (Name) x Milan over and over again in the empty pages of his journal, which was previously used exclusively for tracking his expenses but was now being used for more personal entries. 

July 17, 2009

Today [Name] remembered it was my birthday, and bought me a slice of chocolate cake using his own money. I tried to keep it down, but unfortunately my body is too used to emptying its stomach whenever I eat too much. 

September 7, 2009

[Name] asked me if I've been sleeping well recently, and even if I told him I was okay, he still gave me a box of teabags. He told me it helps him sleep at night, and hopes it'll be able to help me too. He's so kind, and too good to me. I can never tell him it's him who's the cause behind these sleepless nights. I think it'll devastate him. Sometimes, I hope it will.

February 13, 2010

[Name] asked me if I was going to buy somebody any pastries for Valentine's Day, and if there's anybody I'm hoping to receive any chocolates from. I wanted to tell him I hoped to receive chocolates from him, but that would be inappropriate. Then he told me he hoped his girlfriend would remember to give him some.

[Name] has a girlfriend. 

Yandere CEO who doesn't show up for multiple days after you reveal this to him. He goes back to old habits, the following days occupied by work, work, and work. He sleeps rarely, and wakes up late. He eats even less than he usually does, and forgets to go to the gym. 

The only thing that Yandere CEO does outside of that? Pay private investigators to learn as much as possible about you, no matter how dirty or well kept the secret is he will know. 

It's unethical, a violation of all your rights, but he thought you two were close. That you were friends. A kind of relationship he barely even knew. All he knows is distant families, cold business partners, and shallow imitations of friendship. He thought you were different, you were so real, but if he didn't even know you had a girlfriend, then what else was he unaware of?

Yandere CEO whose father calls him, and tells him his secretaries have told him about how he's been acting, and advises him to take a break. Perhaps he should try to hit the dating scene? He'll have to get married eventually, and he's not getting any younger. 

Yandere CEO who goes to the blind dates his mother arranges for him. Daughters of her friends, sometimes even granddaughters. Women who are sometimes a decade younger than him. Women who are his age. He never told his parents he was gay, and now he has to suffer through this. 

Yandere CEO who is thinking of canceling the date on the spot when she takes him to a familiar bakery, the familiar bell rings as the door swings open and you're still there, wearing your baby blue apron, and the polite smile you flashed his date immediately widens when you see him. 

Yandere CEO who freezes up, and then stammers out a greeting, face flushed. His date, who has so far only experienced the cold and stoic front he puts on, is surprised that what has broken down the stone walls he's put up is the cute, young, male baker, who has a bright grin on his face. 

“Milan!” You practically chirp, “It's been so long, where have you been man?” 

You were wondering where he was? You missed him? You missed him? Milan? He couldn't believe his ears, he felt like he could faint.

Milan clears his throat, averting his grey eyes away from you, and avoiding Carrie's burning gaze. 

“I have been preoccupied with work,” He explains, it's not a lie, he's just exaggerating how much work there was for him when it was basically just him doing paperwork and attending meetings every once in a while, “I apologize if my absence has bothered you…” 

You chuckle, “I'm just glad to see you again.” Milan can't help the small smile that forms on his face, but he restrains it from widening into a grin. He's in front of Carrie, a friend but at the same time a business partner, a marriage prospect, an unwelcome intruder into what could've been a moment between you two.

You glance at Carrie as if remembering that she was here, “Ah, sorry, you must've been confused on how I know him, but I'm a friend of Milan,” You smile kindly at her, “Name's [Name] [L/N], nice to meet you!” 

Carrie forces a polite smile on her face, “A pleasure,” Her eyes are filled with a cold fury, though Milan knows it's not directed to you, “My name is Carolyn, Carolyn Deveuraux. However, you may call me Carrie.” 

Milan fakes a cough, “Mhm, anyways.. I'd like to have the usual… and Carrie you'll have..?” 

She hums, “I'll have a cinnabon.” 

You glance between the two, noticing the obvious tension between them, “Oookay, I'll have that prepared for you two in a jiffy,” Milan hands you his card, and savors the slight brush of your fingers, before your warmth is teared away and you slide it back to him when you're done.

He glares at Carrie for scaring you away, but she doesn't even look at him, her eyes are fixed on you. Milan wants to gouge her eyes out, she doesn't even deserve to look at you. Not when she barely knows you. Not like him, who knows every single thing about you that his money can buy for him.

You head into the back to prepare the goods, and Carrie goes back outside where there are tables and chairs. She sits on one, and crosses her arms. Milan settles on the one across from her, posture straight, arms on the table, eyes… decidedly not looking at Carrie. 

“So, you and that man… [Name], was it?” Milan nods, she continues, “You know each other, do you?” She taps one carefully manicured nail against the arm of the chair. Tap, tap, tap. 

Milan does not simply know [Name], he practically lives underneath the younger man's skin, but instead of verbalizing this he nods once more, “We have known each other for two years.” 

“Hm,” Her eyes narrow, they are blue, like ice, “ And how old is [Name]?”

“Twenty-four years old,” Milan tells her, “He had just gotten out of college when we first met.” His eyes trail to the window into the bakery, you still haven't emerged. Why were you taking so long? 

“Does he know?” Carrie’s tone is sharp and frigid. Milan glances at her, if he is not careful then he could be caught up in an inescapable storm. 

“He does not,” Milan admits, “And I'd prefer to keep it that way.” You still have your girlfriend, and he's content with your secrets and the stolen pictures. 

Carrie glares at him, “Why him? Is it his mind? His personality? Or is he simply a pretty boy you like to ogle at?” She's angry, and Milan, for his lack of proper socialization, has been taught to read people, every single shift in expression or body language has a hidden meaning, can tell this fury stems from something personal. 

“That is none of your business,” Milan had known Carrie for a while now, since his 30th birthday party where his father invited all his associates, and Lewis Deveuraux had brought his 28 year old daughter Carolyn, but they were never friends so much as allies in the cutthroat world of capitalism, and she was crossing a line. 

“I can tell your father.” 

“Have you ever heard of the saying, ‘Snitches get stitches’, Carolyn?” Milan asks, “You tell him, and I'll be doing so much more than giving you stitches.” 

Carrie doesn't even flinch, “Not much you can do when stripped of your position at your father's company,” She doesn't get a chance to continue, not when you arrive with a tray carrying the warm pastries. You set the plates down, as well as the complementary coffee. 

“Here you go…” You glance between the two of them, “It's been nice seeing you again Milan,” You smile at Carrie, “Great to meet you too, Carrie, hope to see you around some more.” 

Milan digs a nail into the skin of his palm hard enough to draw blood, if only to stop himself from punching that smirk on Carrie's face off, “Thank you, [Name],” Her voice is pleasant, light and airy, “It was a pleasure to meet a… friend of Milan today.” 

“Same here,” You grin. You wave goodbye to the both of them, then head back into the bakery. 

Carrie's polite smile is gone as soon as you're out of the vicinity, “Let's talk about this later,” She reaches out and places a well-manicured hand on top of Milan's larger one, and her lips curl up, “For now, enjoy the treats your little crush has made for us.” 

Yandere CEO, who since that reunion has started coming back more often. Happy to finally be able to bask in your presence again, thoughts of your girlfriend are dashed from his mind when he saw your smile again after two months of being deprived of it. 

The only downside? Carrie is there as well. Chatting you up, using her charm to lower your guard down. She's a snake, or a wolf in sheep's clothing. Yandere CEO knows she's trying to break you two apart, but he won't let her. 

Yandere CEO who can't stand watching you smile at her, keeping up with her bright mind in ways he knew you could but had never seen before. He didn't know it was possible, but he's become even more enraptured. Handsome with not only a good personality, but also intelligent. God, you were perfect. 

Yandere CEO is able to himself with an endurance he didn't even know he possessed. He's not used to the rage that has been gathering inside him, but it's not that similar to managing his fear and paranoia. He can't do anything to Carrie, not when you two have practically become the best of friends.

Yandere CEO who decides that he can't let himself fall behind, he was here first you know. He's known you for two years while Carrie was only for a few weeks. He musters up the confidence he often uses in meeting rooms, trying to look suave and cool, but instead making you laugh.

“Haha… you're seriously so adorable Milan,” You tease, “What're you acting so serious for?” 

After that, Yandere CEO decides to just act how he did before, it's clearly more effective as you've even invited him to eat with you in the park near the bakery during your lunch hours. Something you haven't done in the two whole years you've known each other. 

He realizes that in a sense, you are like him. Despite his stoicness, and your expressive features, his assertive aura, with your laid back vibe, both of you have an appreciation for genuine people. It makes his heart beat faster, for some inexplicable reason.

Yandere CEO who listens to you attentively as you start opening up to him more about your life. Your struggles with paying off college debt, your inability to land a higher paying job, and how you don't have enough money to pay for your rent. He already knows about all of this, but is happy nonetheless to be able to give you a comforting hug or pat on the back. One time, you actually cried and he got to feel the warmth of your tears as they raced down your face, they soaked into the skin of his palm as he wiped them away and offered you words of comfort.

Yandere CEO who abides by the law of equivalent exchange, and opens up to you more as well.  He's heard before that the more imperfect you make yourself out to be, the more attractive you were for it was a sign of humanity. So what's more human than sharing his past as a bullied fat kid, and the whiplash he got once he had bulked up and attracted admirers like they were flies? Maybe it's the insomnia, the social anxiety, and the knowledge that he's surrounded by shallow people. Whatever it is, it works. 

Yandere CEO who has started to feel genuinely close to you. Where before, it was akin to a celebrity having to deal with an awkward yet starstruck fan, now it felt like you two were old friends having a good time together. This is the first time he's had a relationship like this and he'd rather have his company go bankrupt and end up homeless on the streets than lose it. 

September 12, 2010 

[Name] is not meant for me, he is young, full of potential, and with a girl that he loves. But he tempts me with his warm eyes, beautiful smile, and those kind words of his that has had me wrapped around his finger since the very first day I met him. 

It is wrong, it is dirty. I am too old, too broken, worn out like a hand me down toy. However I cannot help myself. He is like the sun, bright and comforting, yet he burns me so. 

[Name]

[Name]

[Name] 

Even just writing his name has me weak at the knees, it makes me feel alive. Like I can face the day without wanting to retreat back to my bed and refusing to get out till I am dragged by my feet. Just the idea of being able to catch a glimpse at him, gives me the energy to get up and do a marathon. 

[Name] is too charming for his own good. He’s such a sweet boy, not knowing how much he tempts me to do such despicable things every single time I see him talking to customers or laughing with Carrie. He doesn’t know, he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know. 

I should be leaving him alone, and never speaking to him again. He is fine, he is perfect, he is like God. But I am nothing but a filthy sinner who shouldn’t even be within his sights. Better kept away, far far away. But I want nothing more than to touch him, to hold his feet in my filthy hands and press my cold lips to it. His foot alone is worth more than my entire career. His life? Priceless. 

However if I were to distance myself from him again, I’d become a shell. No better than a living corpse. My father and mother would be concerned for the business, and they’d keep on trying to figure out why I’m in such a state, till they eventually trace it all back to [Name], and I can’t have that. I don’t want them knowing about him. It is bad enough Carrie knows. But my own parents? 

I cannot accept that. I will not share him. They would take him away from me like they took away everything else good that could’ve happened to me by being my parents and birthing into the life that I’ve led. His warmth would be engulfed in their cold gazes and harsh words, and soon he would be no better than I am, and that cannot happen. 

He may not be meant for me, but I will make sure nobody else can have him. 

Even that girlfriend of his.

☏ - ᴠᴏɪᴄᴇᴍᴀɪʟ: ᴍʀ. ꜱᴀɢᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴍɪɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʀᴇQᴜᴇꜱᴛꜱ ᴀʀᴇ ᴏᴘᴇɴ, ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ'ᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴇᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜɪꜱ.

[transhuman-priestess]

Sometimes the struggles we go through to be ourselves can be as rewarding as the end result.

A pretty breezy one here. Only content notes are surgery mention and needle mention. No gore to be found, no sex neither. Just good ol' fashioned yearning.

This is definitely a bit of a right angle to my usual stuff. There's no horror, it's light on dialogue, but its in a very similar space to a lot of the other stuff, just a different way of going at it.

Daughter of Elysium

I scheduled the surgery without telling my parents. They wouldn’t understand.

When I came out as trans they were supportive, in perhaps the slightly awkward way that cis people tend to be when they want to be accepting of things they don’t understand. This was different though.

I sat in the waiting room of the clinic in Montevideo, lined with faux wood paneling and sleek glass. Peak 2010s architecture. An older building, but the clinic’s reputation spoke for itself. There was no way I was going to get this procedure done in North America. Too expensive, too niche.

Too many hoops to jump through, too. Go see this doctor, talk to this therapist. Walk with these crutches. Practice with this fake charger for a year. Bullshit, all of it. I just wanted to be me.

So I saved money where I could. I slept in the heat of the Californian summers, kept the lights off early in the winter, rode the train to work, ate cheap meals, canceled all my subscriptions, lived in a 300 sq foot apartment in Watsonville.

3 years and $100,000 Californian Dollars later, I got on a train in Santa Cruz for a 3-day journey to Uruguay.

It was late June, a few days before the solstice. This far south of the equator that meant the sun rose late and set early. It was early morning, a quarter to 7, and 5 hours ahead of California time. I was used to being awake at night, but that only made the early sunrise more disorienting.

“Lewis, Kara,” a thrill of adrenaline rushed through me as the receptionist called my name. After reciting my birthday to confirm my identity, I was taken back to preop. I changed into a surgical gown and then lay down on a gurney while a nurse ran an IV to my arm and started saline. I thought about asking what happened once the arm was removed, but I figured it wasn’t worth the explanation.

For the next 10 minutes I stared at the clock. I hadn’t brought anyone with me. This was something to do for me, by myself. No partner, no friends. I had brought a bag with one change of clothes, my passport, and my phone. I thought about calling my friend Cory, but decided against it. No sense in getting anyone worried. As far as the outside world was concerned, I was on vacation.

I guess that wasn’t too far from the truth.

At 7 sharp, a couple of orderlies came in, checked my name and date of birth, and released the brakes on the gurney. They wheeled me out into the chilled hallway, and through the double doors into the operating room.

Inside the surgeon, the anesthesiologist, and several techs were waiting. A nurse placed a mask on my face and told me to count backwards from ten. A sweet, chemical smell filled my nostrils, and the world faded out.

* * *

It wasn’t the first time I’d had surgery, so the novelty of coming up from the anesthesia surprised me. Rather than the slow, heavy feeling I’d expected, it was like waking up from a nap. Disorienting, but in a cozy way. Nothing hurt. I hadn’t expected that. Probably the painkillers were still feeding in.

I tried to open my eyes, but my lids only twitched slightly. I heard one of the nurses say “You’re awake! The doctor will be in to see you soon. Everything went well, congratulations.”

I tried to reply, but my jaw moved jerkily and I had trouble forming words. The result was a disjointed grunt emerging from my mouth. But I could tell that I had a mouth, which was good.

The nurse left. I could hear his shoes squeaking off into the distance. As they faded, the thrum of the HVAC replaced it, and an occasional mechanical whirring near me. My eyes were still closed, and for the first time I noticed the green letters in the corner of my vision. Instinctively, I tried to look at them, but they moved with my eyes. After a time I was able to make them stay put long enough to look at them.

ARLINGTON ROBOTICS SYSTEMS

BANGOR, WASHINGTON, CASCADE REPUBLIC

I managed to open my eyes after a few minutes. At first it was all much too bright, everything blown to white, but after a few seconds my vision dimmed to a comfortable level. I focused on a tiny hole in the floating ceiling above. After a moment, I managed to zoom my vision in.

I marveled for a time at the detail in the ceiling. This mass-produced object, fiberglass and paper, contained so much beauty. How many times had I stared a ceiling like this without noticing?

The doctor came in and reaffirmed that everything had gone well. She told me that rehab would start in a few days, once my new body’s systems stabilized and adjusted to neural commands. I tried to smile but couldn’t manage to get my face to move right.

The doctor chuckled and plugged a display into a port on the back of my new neck. She held it up to me, and I watched as the words “What is this for?” appeared on it. She explained that until my vocal rehab started to kick in, this display would help me communicate.

She told me to raise my arms out to my sides. I struggled with this task for a moment before finally managing to do so. For the first time I got a look at the body I’d picked out from the inside.

Gray plating, seams that slid over each other, an unapologetically mechanical body. I’d wanted that. They’re getting good at synthetic skin these days, but I wanted to distance myself from humanity. There was nothing wrong with humanity, but it never spoke to me. I’d always been somewhat apart.

* * *

I slept most of that first day. The next day they let me eat. The bioprocessor seemed to be working, the staff said, but I should keep it light, and stick to carbs rather than fat and protein until the new tract could build up a sufficient biome to support those.

Odd as it sounds, it was 36 hours post-op before I realized I hadn’t peed. The charging station that I hooked into took care of filtration and detox of what little biomass I had left. I felt suddenly elated. I actually tried to get up out of bed, and promptly tripped over my own foot, smashing my face against a wall.

The nurses rushed in, worry on their faces, but I couldn’t stop laughing, and that’s when I heard my voice.

It wasn’t like my old voice. It wasn’t cold and computerized, but warm, and rich, like an old Roland Jupiter, full of dense harmonics, singing highs, and comforting, enveloping lows.

Soon I was sitting on the floor, sobbing. My eyes didn’t water anymore, but I still went through the motions. I held my gray plastic hands to my face, and touched them to my cheeks. I felt the subtle vibrations as motors moved my eyes around. I had never felt so happy, so myself. So real.

* * *

After a week I was able to clumsily walk around the hospital room, and they moved me to the recovery house. I met a few other converts there. There was a girl named Morgan from Seattle, a guy named Case from Kansas City, a few others. I mostly kept to myself.

I started speech therapy shortly after the move. Lots of reading convoluted sentences, but also singing, reading poetry, even some play-acting. I grew to love my voice. It was obviously synthetic, but that only made it feel more like a part of me.

Motor therapy was interesting. They asked me if I played any instruments. I told them I played bass. The therapist walked to a closet and returned with a bass made entirely out of carbon fiber. I asked why they made it from that, the therapist told me I’d see shortly, and handed me the Bass.

I immediately gripped the neck with far more force than I’d intended, denting the frets and the strings. I said I understood now.

Time flew. The solstice came and went, and by August I could speak clearly, play “Highway Star,” and wash my own chassis without damaging it. I could dress myself. I could walk without tripping over my feet.

On an evening in early August, I bade farewell to my fellow converts at the recovery house, and made my way to the train station. I could have taken a cab, or the bus, but I opted to walk. It was 8 miles and took all night, but I enjoyed every moment of it. Never tiring, stopping for food to recharge myself here and there at convenience stores and night markets.

I settled into my roomette for the trip back to Santa Cruz, looking out at Montevideo Bay. I saw my reflection in the window of my train, and for the first time, really took it in, with eyes that were my own.

[seraphimcollections]

fading part. i

pairing: johnny silverhand x reader

summary: mortal enemies from birth. the devil and the angel, good versus evil. you, the prodigy netrunner and hidden child of the Arasaka global empire. him, rebellious outcast and infamous rockstar of Night City. Sworn enemies with the odds stacked against them, but fate is fickle thing.

warnings: gun violence, murder, blood, kidnapping, grooming (not by johnny), rockstar behavior, angst angst angst! sexual implications, eventual smut, slowburn, secret enemies to lovers, fluff.

a.n: hey everyone! thx for the love and for your patience. luv ya!

word count: 2.8

masterlist

//…memory shard detected…[uploading]]]///…[year 2010]]..//..memory upload [complete.]///

The days started like any other. The gentle pinging of the alarm clock summoned the curtains to slowly pull away from each other, letting in the sunlight. You groaned at the sudden intrusion of the warmth of the sun, burrowing deeper into the 1000 count sheets that clung to your frame. You tried your best to hide from the beginning of the day, but you knew your AI companion wouldn’t allow it. Tomie materialized first as a disembodied voice.

“Good morning, Hina-san,” she said cheerfully.

You sighed as you rolled onto your back, finally letting your eyes crack open. Your long dark hair pooled underneath you as you laid there, sleep still creeping at the back of your eyelids. The rest of the room came to life, the gentle LED lights illuminating the marble floors.

“Morning, Tomie,” you sighed, a hand running over your face.

“The weather is superb today in beautiful Osaka, temperatures sitting at 23 celsius. The itinerary for the day includes breakfast, grilled mackerel, pickled vegetables and steamed rice. After breakfast, Sanada-san will pick up where you left off…”

Your mind wondered as Tomie listed off the rest of your day like she did every day. There wasn’t much divergence from your daily schedules which usually consisted of sustenance, hours upon hours of lessons ranging from history, homemaking, advanced quantum mechanics but your favorite, netrunning. This came all too easy for you and it was almost an escape from your mundane life. It came to you like walking, something that your uncle was impressed by, but he’d never show it. By the age of 12 you had already cemented yourself as one of the best, something that even your stoic uncle could find pride in. A nameless prodigy. All because of this namesake. A name that every person on this godforsaken planet knew of, either fondly or with despair, but a name they knew all the same. Arasaka.

It was a name that held great power, a name tied to a megacorp that had it’s hands in practically everything. From what you knew from your uncle Saburo, the corporation dealt in corporate security, manufacturing and banking -- and that’s all he would explain. Saburo practically raised you after your mother passed in complications with an unknown sickness that befell her days after your birth. It was a tragedy that brought mourning looks directed toward you whenever you dared ask about your mother. But just like everything else, that’s all you knew. Even when you tried to pry answers from your servant staff, it was always the same:

“Ah, Hina-san, unfortunately that isn’t for me to say…”

Perhaps a few years ago you would have swallowed these empty answers and carried on with your day but now, as the days rolled helplessly into the next, you could feel yourself getting restless. It was hard enough that you hardly ever got to leave the giant yet empty penthouse you’ve called your home for as long as you could remember, bad enough that you couldn’t do anything without being supervised. Again, in the beginning, having servants follow and fulfill your every whim didn’t bother you, but just as these unanswered questions began to eat at you, so did these instances.

You sighed as you swung your feet over the edge of the bed, letting them hit the chilled white marble. You raised your arms above you, letting out another groan.

“Tomie, start the shower please,” you said tiredly.

“Yes, Hina-san.”

You could hear the shower start from the connected bathroom as you settled onto your feet. You sighed as you stared over the city of Osaka, the tall skyscrapers aflame with giant advertisements. You stared down to the street, squinting to see if you could spot the people, only to find small specks. How could it be that every little speck down there had their own lives, their own hopes and dreams? Their own freedom to make decisions? You sighed as you looked back over the glittering skyline. There’s so much world out there, and yet it all seems…far.

“Hina-san, the water is at the temperature you prefer,” Tomie snapped you out of your thoughts.

You turned and walked into the connected bathroom, steam misting up the shower glass and vanity mirror. You stripped yourself of your cotton pajamas, leaving them in the hamper before stepping under the water. The warmth coaxed a groan from you as the water poured over you. You stood under the waterfall, letting your mind wander. Your mind felt somehow heavy, clouded.

“Tomie, run a diagnostic, please,” you ran your hands through your locks, before stopping to stare at the palms of your hands.

“Are you feeling unwell, Hina-san?” Tomie said, programmed to sound concerned.

You shook your head, “no, I don’t think so? Can you run it please?”

“As you wish.”

You let out a heavy breath as Tomie scanned your biometrics, their data scattering over your vision. It was over in seconds.

“There is not anything I could sense to be the matter,” Tomie said. “Can you describe the symptoms?”

You rocked your head back with a sigh, “overwhelming loneliness and hunger, but not for food. For…anything, I suppose.”

“Hm, I see,” Tomie said, “it appears you are suffering from another depressive episode. Should I call your guru?”

You shook your head as you shut off the water to the shower, “no, just cancel all of my lessons for the day.”

“Are you sure? You canceled them yesterday,” said Tomie as you began to towel dry yourself.

“Just do it, please,” you said gently, wrapping your hair up into the towel.

You stepped over to the cup of real water sitting neatly next to a small dish containing one blue pill. You grimaced as you picked up the pill, examining it once more. Something else key to your daily routine, your medication. You had begun taking it regularly when you first told Saburo how restless you were becoming. Your restlessness manifested mostly in your dreams. These dreams felt so real but it was like you were living in someone else’s body. It scared you, deeply. Once you brought it up to your uncle during one of his rare visits, it was then did you see another type of emotion besides stoicness. He was actually concerned, something that frazzled you even more back then. He quickly referred you to the guru and got you on the most expensive of drugs, and like magic, the dreams went away but not so much the anxiety. With a sigh, you swallowed the lone pill and chased it down with water.

You walked out in your wardrobe picking the same pressed and virgin white loungewear. Once dressed you finally stepped back into your room, collapsing back onto your bed. You let your mind go into autopilot as your hands brushed through your damp locks.

“Would you like your food brought to you, Hina-san?” Tomie said.

You shook your head as you set the towel beside you, “not hungry. I’ll be in my chair.”

You walked out of your room, entering the towering hallway that led to the other connected room and eventually the living parlor (never once used as intended) that led onto the remotely operated elevator. The first servant stood at her post directly beside your door. She bowed deeply, greeting your softly. Her uniform was simple and reminiscent of a traditional style. You bowed your head out of respect.

“Thank you, I’ll be in my den,” you said.

The young woman stood to her height, her expression concerned. You were beginning to get tired of this look.

“Will you not be enjoying your breakfast, Hina-san?” she asked.

You smiled gently, trying to ease the young woman’s worry. You couldn’t blame the difficult job that was handed. Getting to this position was not an easy feat. Saburo was a fickle man who craved nothing but perfection, something that wasn’t lost on the personnel he hired.

“Yumi-san, please don’t worry about it,” you smiled.

Yumi smiled childishly and nodded. You headed down the steps until your reached the below level. You stepped through the automatic clear door into a netrunning den. The walls were lined with countless state of the art servers, the wires stemming like tentacles from them only for them to meet in the center of the room where you chair lie. You sighed, an invisible weight lifting off your shoulders as you stepped deeper into your den. Your hand glided across the white leather of your chair before climbing on. You settled into the leather with a sigh, grabbing the large port that would be your entrance into the net. You move your hair over your shoulder before plugging in, your optics lighting up like a Christmas tree. You relaxed back into the chair, eyes flickering over the data flooding your brain. Perhaps at one time the amount of sheer data held by the entirety of The Net, worldwide, would have been too much to handle -- but you weren’t any normal run of the netrunner. You were the best.

“Ok, see you on the other side, Tomie,” you sighed, eyes falling closed.

“Enjoy your trip, Hina-san.”

Your vision bloomed into pure white, blinding you. For a moment, it felt as if you were falling through cool water, the feeling completely enveloping your being. For a moment, it felt like you would be falling forever before the feeling stopped abruptly. The hum of the net vibrated against you as you finally opened your eyes. Before laid a field of darkness gently illuminated by grids of blue and white light. You looked over your virtual avatar materialized in your space, finding the only difference being your white netrunning jumper. The silence was threatened by the hum of the never ceasing net, which you were well aware was the voices of millions of people scattered across the globe. In the beginning, having access to such a delicate and ruthless place as the net was thrilling. For a while you found pleasure hacking into rival corporations like Millitech or Biotechica, but even this became too easy. Too boring. Not even slithering past the NUSA’s best netrunners brought suspense. It was all too easy.

“Tomie, where are you?” Your voice glitched and echoed in the endless chamber.

In a blink, Tomie’s digital body materializes beside you, her tall frame donning a traditional yukata with her hair tied neatly in a bun.

“I’m here, Hina-san,” she smiles politely.

You smile back at her before waving your hand, selecting a direct strand of the net, its glow illuminating the space around. Your fingers tinkered with, threading through the threads of light and combing out any discrepancies and viruses with ease.

“And how is the Arasaka estate doing today?” Tomie asked, peering over your shoulder.

“Well…” You spread your arms apart, the column of light growing to surround you both comfortably.

Your finger dreamed against your lip as you peered over the collected abstracts that held all secrets and deals of Arasaka. Everything that was Arasaka lied right in front of you, your duty to protect it at all costs.

“Hm, same old things,” you sigh, crossing your arms, “Millitech rearing its head again -- honestly, what could they possibly wish to achieve.”

“Possibly another Corp War for them to benefit from?” Tomie answered.

You sighed, your eyes narrowing in a red speck of flickering light. You curled your fingers toward yourself, the red speck instantly falling in front of your eye.

“How interesting,” you murmur as you inspect the little virus closer.

“What is it?”

“It seems that NetWatch has thrown a little interest toward Arasaka,” your brow furrowed. “It looks like a simple recon virus, I want to believe that they wish to keep Arasaka in check.”

“Hm, how arrogant,” Tomie frowned. “Will we retaliate?”

You took the small speck between your fingers before crushing it between them.

“There’s no use, report this to my uncle’s assistants,” you said with a sigh, restricting the Arasaka database back to a single strand of light. “Tomie, I think I’ll be here for a moment, I’ll call for you later.”

“Yes, but I should inform you about-”

“No appointments or lessons today, remember?” You smile gently urging the AI to simply nod and disappear into the nether.

Once you knew you were alone, you let out a sigh as you looked out into the endless chamber. Your mind settled into your usual routine, preparing to do a thorough sweep of all of Arasaka’s servers and protected data, when you heard something that shouldn’t have been. A voice. Your brow furrowed and you came to stop. Your tuned your ears to listen, only to find the same familiar silence. You shook your head.

“Maybe a rogue AI hiding somewhere, I-”

But there it was again. But this time it wasn’t a whisper, it was a shout. It ripped through cyberspace, shaking you. You gasped as you looked around to see that the space around you rippled and shook from the sound.

“What is this?” You wondered.

Your eyes squinted as you peered into the depths of the Net, hearing the static humming begin to get louder and louder. Scanning the disturbance, you detected the noise was coming from within the Arasaka security servers. Typically such servers were quiet, something that the other netrunners were mainly in charge of since it was typically more local problems that were easily snuffed out. But this was different.

Your eyes narrowed as the endless space began to move past you, speeding through the Net and hurtling toward the noise. The noise became louder and louder the closer you came until finally the shouting and buzzing was deafening. You stopped with a gasp before a glowing red strand that pulsated in rage. It looked almost…alive. That’s not possible, you thought. The noise was almost overwhelming, completely taking over the space around you. Hesitantly you reach out for the strand, flinching at the moment your fingertips brushed against the digital cord, media burst out from it. Your eyes widened in shock as numerous screens appeared around you, the source of the noise becoming clear.

You twirled around, looking at all the screens in bewilderment.

“What’s going on?” You spoke to yourself.

Your gaze stopped on a particular screen. Quickly scanning it, you deciphered it as security footage of an angry mob of people congregating in front of a barricade held up by Arasaka men. The mob had destroyed the front of the building, small fires littered across the crowd.

“Death to Corps!”

“Arasaka is the real terrorists!”

Your heart dropped. They were angry - no, they were vengeful.

“Tomie?” You shouted over the video.

“Yes, Hina-san?”

“Where is this?” You said, your eyes never leaving the screen.

“This is Arasaka Tower, located in Night City of Pacific Coast, North America.”

You swiped away the screen, bringing up another. You listened to their chants, all calling for the end of corporations, but Arasaka specifically.

“Why the anger?” You wondered cluelessly. “I don’t understand, Uncle said that because of our position there, Night City has been able to remain free from the NUSA. So why?”

“There is no use in ever understanding the human condition, especially its relationship with anger and vengeance,” Tomie bodiless voice said.

You shook your head. You couldn’t understand why Tomie was being so cryptic all of sudden. Of course you knew that Arasaka had its enemies, clear by the daily nuisances of the other corps, but you never knew there was this much…hatred. But there was a voice that was the loudest amongst the crowd. Just one. You scanned and searched for who the voice belonged to until you finally found them. Your eyes widened in wonder when you looked over the man. Because that’s all he was, a man. His hair long and shaggy and his eyes obscured by gold rimmed aviators. He wore a bullet proof vest and held a guitar strapped to his back. A guitar?

“Yes, it seems to be of the older variety,” Tomie said.

The man shouted into a megaphone, the crowd echoing his chants. For all extensive purposes, it seemed that this single man had rallied all of these people for this cause. A cause you still were struggling to wrap your head around. You found yourself studying the man closer, partially listening to his hurtful chants. As you watched you couldn’t help but wonder who this man was.

“Tomie-”

A searing white light obliterated everything around you as you were pulled out from the Net. Your bio eyes snapped open in shock, beads of sweat rolling down your brow. As your optics flickered back into frame your den became clear. There was a figure stood over you, blocking out the harsh fluorescent lights. Your chest heaved as the all too familiar voice reminded you just where you were.

“Were you not expecting me, my dear?”

You gulped as you saw your reflection in his glasses.

“Uncle…”

///Memory shard complete…awaiting/transmission…///[ERROR] - MEMORY LOST///

TAG LIST: @moldonfruit @0moonjelly0

(Please let me know if the tags worked, thank u!)

[dan-whoell]

holiday

Word count: 1548

two moments on holiday, 14 years apart.

Read on AO3

Jamaica, 2010 

The hall is dark, and they speak in low, hushed voices. Everyone else is asleep, will probably never have any idea about the clandestine meeting of two boys in the night. There might not be too many questions asked anyway, the whole world knows they’re close, and the (technically true) rumor has been circulating about Phil pushing so hard for Dan’s presence on this trip that someone else got kicked out. They’re friends, good friends, so of course they’ll take the opportunity to hang out as much as they can. 

But the way Phil reaches for him almost automatically, his fingers curling around Dan’s wrist like it’s second nature, the way he doesn’t even say hello just did you hear who lost their camera- it makes Dan nervous. 

He steps backwards into his room, and Phil follows blindly, no hint of hesitation in being pulled out from the open. Dan refuses to think about closets or parallels. “Will you get inside, please?” 

Phil presses against him, chest to chest, and the door is still wide open behind him. It all feels so fucking dangerous, even more when Phil opens his mouth. “S’your job, innit?” There’s alcohol on his breath, sharp and stinging. He knows Phil is not a big drinker, and yet. Because. 

“Shut up,” he says, breaking free of Phil’s grip and instead reaching for his sides, fingers twisting into the fabric of Phil’s t-shirt. He pulls harder this time, turning to move Phil out of the doorway. He kicks it closed behind them, unwilling, despite it all, to let Phil go as they stumble toward the bed. For everything that they are-but-aren't, this part has always been easy, instinctual. Behind closed doors there’s hardly ever been a moment that Dan has hesitated. There’s never been a need. He knows, always, that Phil will take his hand if he reaches. As sure as he is that the sun will rise in the morning, he is sure of them. 

“Why are you drunk?” he asks, hands wandering down to slip under the hem of Phil’s t-shirt. He’s spent the better part of two days trying not to stare, forcing himself to focus on palm trees and sand and anything but Phil’s exposed skin. Now, in the safety of his hotel room, he feels as if he’s been given a key to the whole world, and here it is beneath him. 

“M’not drunk,” Phil says. It comes out slurred and with the tiniest hint of laughter, like he thinks he’s getting away with something. 

“Yes you are.” He dips his head to kiss Phil, soft and sweet and above all, intimate. It’s a kiss that feels like exactly what it is- an ongoing declaration of love. “I can taste it.” Coconut rum and memories. 

“M’not!” Phil insists. “I just- it was a couple of drinks.” 

“For the world’s lightest lightweight.” 

“I was anxious.” The admission is the clearest thing he’s said, and a pit forms in Dan’s stomach. “About you. Don’t want you to be scared.” 

And he is so scared, so fucking terrified of where this all goes. This thing with Phil- this entire fucking life that he’s building in his mind- he's almost positive it’s going to give him an ulcer. But the fear has nothing to do with Phil himself, and everything to do with the outside world. Friends and family and what it would mean to them. What it would mean about Dan. It scares the shit out of him. 

Somehow, though, Phil makes him believe that one day, it will all be okay. “I’m not,” he finds himself saying. “I’m not scared at all.” It isn’t a lie. 

They fall asleep clutching each other, the feeling of falling in love curled around them like a shield. 

In the morning, they lie and say they were up late talking about video games, and Dan stole Phil’s room because Phil refused to get up, and everyone laughs at how ridiculous they are. It’s okay. They’ll be alone together soon enough, and the fear will dissipate. It always does. 

Turkey, 2024 

“Do we have to go out to dinner tonight?” Phil calls from the edge of the pool, his arms folded on the concrete and his chin resting sleepily on top of them. “Can’t we just order room service or something?” 

Dan sighs, looking up from his book. “We have a reservation. We’re not gonna get to go at all if we don’t go tonight,” he says, though he’s a little bit inclined to give Phil anything he wants, since- 

“The doctor told me to rest.” 

“You can’t rest at dinner?” 

Phil giggles, revealing his less than serious stance on the matter. “Not if I have to get dressed, no.” 

After marking his place with a bookmark and shoving the novel into their shared bag, Dan stands and makes his way over to the edge of the pool. “If we don’t go, you’re going to be mad that we missed it and I’m going to have to listen to you complain,” he says, crossing his arms. 

“I won’t,” Phil promises, voice bordering on a whine. “I’ll be perfectly happy without it.” 

“No, I know you, Lester, you say it won’t be a problem, but tomorrow when you suddenly decide you do want to go and we can’t, you’re going to pout.” 

“What if we call and postpone it?” Phil looks up at him with these big hopeful eyes, and it’s impossible to say no. 

“Who is we?” he asks, but he’s already pulling his phone from the pocket of his shorts. “If you want to call and speak to them, that’s your business.” 

“Fine.” Phil holds out his hand, as if there’s any universe where he’d actually volunteer to call a restaurant. “Give me your phone.” 

“Why, so you can drown it in the pool?” Dan raises it high above his head, wildly out of reach. “No, I guess if I absolutely have to, I will try. You’re lucky I love you.” He brings the phone back down, scrolling through for a moment to find the number for the restaurant. The more he thinks about it, the more he likes the idea of lying in bed eating something that’s been delivered to them. 

“See if we can get an hour earlier, too,” Phil says as the dial tone rings in his ear. 

“Shh,” he admonishes, just as the woman on the other end says hello thank you for calling. “Yes, hi-” Christ, somehow he was unprepared for this. “Uh, my boyfriend and I had a reservation for tonight- it's under the name Howell? We were wondering if we could possibly move it to tomorrow night?” He feels droplets of water hit his exposed ankles. “Er- and also make it 7 instead of 8? I’m so sorry if-” he stops, listening to the hostess assure him that of course they can do that, it’s no trouble at all, is there anything else she can do for him? “Oh, okay, thank you so much.” 

When he looks back, Phil is positively beaming at him. “I told you-” 

“Yes yes, you’re always right, I don’t want to hear it.” But as Phil’s eyes close in laughter, a surge of affection rushes through him, gratitude that their life together gets to continue. He moves without thinking, navigating to his camera to snap a picture of Phil there at the edge of the pool. Dan never wants to let go, never wants to forget. Never in his life has he felt the fear he has in the last two weeks, and he cannot take this moment for granted. He clears his throat. “So, are you going to get out now so we can figure out what to order, or am I supposed to bring the menu to you as well?” 

Phil opens his eyes. “Get in.” 

“Really?” 

“Please?” Phil bats his pretty eyelashes, and Dan is putty in his hands. 

He rolls his eyes but tosses his phone onto the lounge chair, knowing he should be more careful but unable to walk away from Phil. He peels his t-shirt off and sinks into the water beside Phil, laughing when he only gets to enjoy it for a second before Phil’s arms are around his neck, their bare chests pressed together. Phil makes a big show of kissing him on the cheek, sloppy and not-quite-annoying. 

“Thank you,” he says in a sing-song voice. So fucking insufferable, but Dan loves him more than anything in the world. He holds Phil close in the water, always relishing in the feel of Phil’s skin against his own.  A tiny, distant voice in his head tries to tell him that this is dangerous, that being outside like they are means anyone could potentially see them regardless of how private this pool area feels, that he should be scared of what could happen if they were spotted. 

Dan finds he doesn’t care. They have been falling in love with each other for fifteen years, and it’s never going to stop. What the rest of the world does or doesn’t know is irrelevant to them. Let them have their opinions, their interpretations. He has Phil, here and now, and that means he has nothing to be afraid of. 

[themultifandomgal]

From 2010- BTS Of The TMH Album Music Videos

Part 38

2013

Live While We’re Young

“Hello welcome to our live while we’re young music video” I say to the camera smiling

“It’s day one we’re in a field in Kent. It should be good”

“Thankfully the weather isn’t to bad. There’s some blue sky which is good” I glance up to to the sky, putting a hand above my eyes to stop the sun from hurting them. I then look back to the camera“we’re currently in a land rover that Louis is going to drive” I then whisper “help us’ to the camera. Louis starts up the car and we all basically go off roading.

The boys and I are in these large inflatable balls. Harry ends up hitting his into mine which makes me fall down and every time I try to stand up I end up falling which makes the boys laugh

“This isn’t funny. I’m gonna die in here!” I dramatically say giving up and sitting down with my legs crossed

“Na YN you’ll live” Niall says ramming into me making her squeal

“Niall!”

I’m now standing in a freezing pool in a crop top and black bikini bottoms. My arms are crossed over her chest as I shiver from the cold, goosebumps clearly visible on my arms

“You ok?” Harry asks next to me

“Bloody freezing” I reply teeth chattering. Harry then wraps his arm around my shoulder in an attempt to keep me warm “why did we think doing this was a good idea in England when we don’t know what the weather is like?” I ask but it’s more rhetorical.

Little Things

“We are here drinking coffee, except YN because she only drinks tea, on the shoot for little things” Louis starts off the behind the scenes video

“Beginning to wake up, aren’t we Tommo” liam says looking at Louis

“Yes, yes we are, again except YN who is currently falling asleep in the makeup chair” I’m guessing the camera pans to me while my eyes are closed as Charlotte is doing my hair. I flip Louis off

“Rude” he replies making me chuckle

“This song is my favourite on the album so it’s important we keep it stripped back” Harry says leaning against a wall next to me

“There’s a couple of emotional songs on this album which I know I’ll struggle to sing live and this is one of them” I say sadly

Once I’m ready we head to the studio where we all sit down with instruments

“I wish I could play” I pout watching Niall play a tune on his guitar. Niall gets up and sits next me me handing me the guitar. He then tries to teach me some simple cords on the guitar and Harry plays the drums a little

“You’ll be a pro by the end of the day” Zayn says, I see Louis turn to the camera and shakes his head

“Oi. Now who’s being rude”

Kiss You

“I’m going to fall” I say looking at the surf boards

“They won’t go fast” Paul says trying to reassure me

“I’m the most clumsiest person on the planet. I trip on air so I’m definitely going to fall”

“And if you do we will catch you” Niall says to me before getting on the surf board

“How are you going to catch me if your on there?” I ask with raised brows. Niall shrugs. Sighing I get on the the board and once it starts moving I start to wobble, Niall holds my wrist keeping me steady

“You got it” Harry says before getting on to his surf board.

I get changed into my sailor outfit which is a variation on the boys, but I’m wearing a blue and white crop top. Liam throws a beach ball to me but instead of catching it it hits my face, leaving foundation marks all over the beach ball

“That was mean” I say, but Liams laughing is ass off

“Please tell me we’re keeping that in the video” Liam continues to laugh.

The following morning I’m dressed in winter clothes so that we can do a scene of us skiing

“It’s snowing!” I say throwing the fake snow in the air “I can’t say though skiing in heals is a good idea” I say looking down at my boots

“Also don’t ski and dance” Louis says popping his head in before walking off again.

[quietlyimplode]

Whumptober Masterlist 2023

Masterlist of fic

(Warnings at the start of every chapter, please be kind to yourself. Gif not mine; I do not possess that kind of power. This will be updated with links as we go and when placed on ao3 will be updated with the link. A lot of these can be read as one shots (I’ll try and mark the ones that can be read as such with a *) but together make a whole story; the story of how Clint and Natasha got married.)

the language of flowers and silent things.

2011 - Kashmir (how many fingers am I holding up) *

1984 - Russia (I’ll call out your name but you won’t call back) *

1984 - Iowa (make it stop) *

2012 - New York (shock)

2012 - New York (it’s broken)

1999 - Iowa (made to watch)*

2013 - New York / Wichita Falls (radio silence)

2013 - New York (it’s all for nothing)

1994 - Ohio (Polaroid) *

2014 - Budapest (you said you’d never leave)

2014 - Singapore (Captivity)

2014 - Singapore / Malaysia (Red) <now with amazing art by @oceanspirit9 >

2009 - New York (I don’t feel so good) *

2010 - Okinawa (just hold on)*

2010 - Okinawa (I’m fine) *

2014 - Rome (don’t go where I can’t follow)

2007 - Russia/France (leave me alone)*

2014 - New York (I tend to deflect when…)

2011 - Iowa (floral bouquet)*

2013 - New York (found family)*

2014 - New York (vows)

2012 - New York (watch out)*

2014 - New York (Shadows)

2014 - New York (I thought they were with you)

2014 - New York (buried alive)

2014 - New York (you look awful)

2014 - New York (scars)

2014 - Berlin (aftermath of failure)

2014 - New York (what happened to me)

2014 - New York (borrowed clothing)

2014 - New York (take it easy)

Elevation - Charles Baudelaire

Above the lakes, above the vales,

The mountains and the woods, the clouds, the seas,

Beyond the sun, beyond the ether,

Beyond the confines of the starry spheres,

My soul, you move with ease,

And like a strong swimmer in rapture in the wave

You wing your way blithely through boundless space

With virile joy unspeakable.

Fly far, far away from this baneful miasma

And purify yourself in the celestial air,

Drink the ethereal fire of those limpid regions

As you would the purest of heavenly nectars.

Beyond the vast sorrows and all the vexations

That weigh upon our lives and obscure our vision,

Happy is he who can with his vigorous wing

Soar up towards those fields luminous and serene.

He whose thoughts, like skylarks,

Toward the morning sky take flight

- Who hovers over life and understands with ease

The language of flowers and silent things

Translated by - William Aggeler

[trick-r-treat421]

Chapter 1

Riley’s POV:

I was in a surprisingly peaceful sleep when I felt soft fur against my face then the gentle nudge and lick. It’s the morning ritual I’ve grown accustomed to. “Good morning, Hades.” I groggily say to my three-year-old black German Shepherd who has oh so rudely decided it’s time to get up.

I roll over rubbing the sleep from my eyes to see the soft glow of the morning light filtering in through my window. Picking my phone up from the nightstand it reads 7:26 am October 13th. Sighing, I swing my feet to the edge of my bed and proceed to start our normal morning routines.

A short time later I step out onto my back deck to let Hades do his business, my hands wrapped around a steaming cup of coffee. I’m immediately hit with a warm breeze and realize just how comfortable it feels. Pulling my phone from the pocket of my pajama pants, I check the weather app where it predicts it to be an exceptionally warm day. Luckily, it’s one of my days off from my boring, dead-end customer service job. It’s been a major stressor for me lately and I’m ecstatic to avoid that hell hole even if just for today.

I mindlessly scroll random apps as I sip my coffee, enjoying the sun’s rays on my pale skin as my boy gets all his overnight zoomies out. Just as I sip the last of the coffee from my mug, he comes running back up sitting beside me, tongue out, panting. “Hey, handsome boy of mine. I know we usually take walks around the neighborhood on my days off but how’d you like to go to the park instead?” I ask, scratching behind his ear, getting only a gruff woof and tail wag in agreement. “Perfect!” I exclaim before we walk back inside.

I spend a few hours working around the house tidying a bit and starting some laundry while singing (ok more like screaming) and dancing around the cozy bungalow I call my home, all while the songs boom through the Bluetooth speakers. Hades tilted his head or huffed at me occasionally from his oversized dog bed in the living room. “You know you love it!” I tease as I pass by, stopping to give him a few good belly scratches.

I quickly shower before stepping out into the steamy bathroom, grabbing one of my oversized towels from the rack and wrapping it around my small frame. I pull my paddle brush through the tangles that are my shoulder-length black hair, then twist another towel around it, pushing it onto the top of my head and retreating to my room. I fall back onto my queen bed, my arms spreading as I lean back, and stay that way for a while, closing my eyes and preparing myself to venture out.

Eventually, I push myself up and go over to my dresser. I pull out a black thong and lace bralette then a pair of black leggings and my go-to comfy, faded, grey Guns N’ Roses shirt I’ve cut into a crop top. After getting dressed, I return to the bathroom to pull my hair into a low loose ponytail, leaving a few strands out to frame my face. I stare at myself in the mirror above my sink, sighing at the sight but I don’t bother putting on makeup. I’m too tired to care and it’s not like I’m out to impress anyone. Dropping my gaze, I push myself away from the counter and head back towards the kitchen to prepare everything Hades and I will need for the park.

Half an hour later we’re pulling into my favorite park. I reach back to clip on Hades’ leash, grab my crossbody bag from the passenger floorboard, and then exit the SUV. We stop to grab the blanket from the back hatch of my grey 2010 Nissan Xterra before making our way down the sidewalk.

 As expected, the park was alive with the sounds of nature and people out enjoying the weather. It took us a few minutes, but we managed to find a nice shady spot under a tall oak tree that’s adjacent to the large field where people lounge and play. I release Hades and tell him to stay as I work to spread out my black and white buffalo plaid blanket and begin unpacking for a relaxing afternoon.

It didn’t take long before we got comfortable. I lay on my stomach, my legs bent at the knee, casually swinging back and forth through the air. I’ve got my sticker-covered tumbler and a Tupperware full of fresh-cut fruit (ok mostly strawberries) on one side of me. A book was spread in front of me, my eyes skimming over the pages from behind my oversized sunglasses. Hades had posted up near the edge of the blanket on my other side as he went to town on his large red Kong toy, his travel bowl full of water next to him.

I’d lost track of time, completely caught up in my reading, most of my fruit picked over and eaten. Hades had long given up on his toy and was almost asleep when suddenly he perked up giving a slight huff. Figuring he saw a squirrel or something, I failed to see the large shadow pass over me as a sudden pain shoots into the left side of my ribs and something heavy fell over top of me, Hades darting away from his position. Whatever it is landed with a thud in front of Hades, water splashing everywhere in the process. I quickly began to shake the water from the pages of my book before any damage could be done.

“Ouch! What the fu…” I begin to exclaim, but my words come up short as my eyes fall onto this dazed, dark-haired man lying across me and my blanket.

He slowly pushes himself up onto his elbows, putting his shirtless and heavily tattooed chest on full display, droplets of water sliding down and glistening in the afternoon light. I thank God for these sunglasses hiding my eyes as I gawk at this stranger’s toned body. I shake my head and slowly take in the scene, realizing his long legs are still stretched across my back and one of his elbows rests halfway in Hades’ water bowl.

Eventually, my eyes make it back to his face where I’m greeted with a strong, sharp jawline peppered with the beginnings of some facial hair and mesmerizing deep chocolate-brown eyes. I’m brought back to reality when Hades is suddenly at the man’s side dropping a frisbee I hadn’t even noticed onto his lap. I can’t help but let out a laugh at the situation and the fact I was letting myself get lost in this stranger’s looks, no matter how handsome he may be. “I think Hades is returning your frisbee to you.” I state matter of factly. Despite his size and intimidating looks, he was quite a gentle giant. Thanks a lot bud, so much for protecting me.

Noah’s POV:

I have no idea what happened, but one second I was running full speed and the next I found myself lying flat on my back staring at the brightly colored tree canopy above me.

I let out a groan and begin to push myself up onto my elbows. Feeling something wet on one of my arms, I look over to see my elbow in a water bowl. I begin taking in the rest of my surroundings and find I’m on someone’s picnic blanket. Just then I see something dark in my peripheral vision and the frisbee I’d been running to catch drops in my lap.

I hear a feminine laugh as my eyes dart up, noticing my legs are laid across the back of a petite raven-haired woman who had been stretched out on said blanket. I hear her words as I look down to the frisbee in my lap, then to the big furry black mass standing to my right. That must be whose water bowl my elbow is resting in.

I hurriedly remove my legs and scramble to my knees, the frisbee falling from my lap while putting my hands up in case this dog decides to attack. Again, I hear the sound of her laughter drawing my eyes to her full, slightly red tinted lips. Slowly she sits up crisscrossing her legs in front of her, her crop top riding up a little to reveal a tattoo on her side as she rubs at her ribs. A few more are sprinkled on her arms.

“Don’t worry, he may look ferocious, but he’s really a big baby.” With the motion of her free hand I watch as the large dog returns to the girl’s side and lays against her, eyes closing, tongue out as he soaks up her head pats.

I breathe out a sigh of relief as I sit back on my heels and brush my hands down my star covered sweat shorts nervously and let out a slight chuckle. “Good to know, cause I was about to high tail it out of here and hope—Hades was it?—didn’t catch me!” I respond. “Hey, sorry about all of this, though.” I start as I wave my hand around us.

She lifts her sunglasses revealing stunning icy blue/grey almond-shaped eyes as she takes in the now wet and twisted blanket. Sucking in a breath I try to offer, “My buddies and I were just tossing the frisbee around and I guess I let my competitive nature get the best of me.  I wasn’t paying attention, and you see where that got me.”

As if on cue my friends, Jolly and Nick, come jogging over taking in the scene and thankfully ending my nervous rant. “What you mean on the ground beside a pretty lady?” Nick waggles his eyebrows as he smirks before asking, “Are you two good?”

Jolly jumped in with, “That looked like quite a fall, man.”

I chuckle lightly before I answer, “Yeah I’m good, but I’ll probably feel it in the morning.” I clear my throat a little remembering the stunning girl and her dog sitting across from me. “Umm are you okay…?” I ask, pausing since I don’t know her name.

Picking up on the pause she answers, “Riley. Yeah, I think I’ll be okay. Might have a bruise in the next couple of days but I’ll deal.”

A pang of guilt washes over me for hurting her but I give a crooked smile. “I’m Noah, these are my friends Jolly and Folio,” I say pointing to each of the guys.

She nods her head slightly at each of the guys, giving a polite smile and wave. It suddenly becomes abundantly clear we are invading her space, as the awkward silence grows between us all. I move to stand tucking the frisbee under my arm and giving the guys a nod, each taking a few steps back in understanding, Jolly looking over his shoulder to find where our roommates dog, Harper, is playing. “We should probably leave you be, you seemed to have been enjoying your reading when I tripped over you.” I say as I glance down at the abandoned book laid out on the blanket.

Shrugging, she responds with, “I was but I’d lost track of time, and we actually need to be heading out.” With that she stands, Hades whining slightly, and begins picking up her belongings and packing them back into her bag.

I look down at the mess I’ve made of her space, everything scattered about, so I quickly lean down, picking up her book. I offer it to her as I ask “Are you sure you’re alright? Can I help you carry anything?”

She takes the book, my eyes drawn to where she chews on her lip, thinking it over. After some hesitation Riley nods. “You really don’t have to, but I might need a hand with the blanket. I can never get them folded up easily on my own, and I’ve got to be able to hold his leash as we walk.” She motions over to Hades who tilts his head sideways at the mention of leash.

With a small chuckle I call out a “heads up!” to Folio, who’s now walking away with Jolly before tossing him the frisbee and reaching to pick up the blanket. I shake it out then do my best to fold it before draping it over my arm as she picks up her remaining belongings.

After a moment and her commands to Hades, we walk back towards the parking lot in another slightly awkward silence. Coming to a stop at the back of an Xterra, she starts digging for her keys and unlocks the doors. She takes Hades to the back passenger door allowing him to jump inside before unhooking his leash and telling him to stay then returning to the back where I stand.

“Thank you for helping with that and walking me back.” She says, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and staring down at the asphalt before taking the blanket and placing it in the back hatch.

“No problem. It was the least I could do after crashing into you like I did.” I shrug, earning a small, cute giggle from her.

After another moment of silence she shifts on her feet, bringing her eyes up to meet mine and extending her hand before saying with a playful tone, “Well, it was nice to meet you Noah, wish I could say it was under better circumstances though.”

I take her hand, noticing just how small it feels in mine before lightly shaking it and saying, “You too Riley.” With that I drop her hand and move to the sidewalk as she walks to her driver’s door. Turning back, I give a salute as she starts the SUV and I head back to the guys.

The moment I walk up, Folio raises his eyebrow asking, “What was that all about Casanova?”

I shrug running my hand through my shoulder-length hair. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” They both let out a laugh.

It’s Jolly’s turn to pipe up now, his slight Swedish accent coming through. “Bullshit Noah, you’ve still got a goofy grin plastered on your face and the way you were looking at her… it’s obvious you thought she was attractive.”

Folio chimes in again, “Tell us you at least got her number…”

I don’t bother responding before grabbing the frisbee out of his hands and jogging away. I silently kick myself for not thinking about that. We stay for another hour or so before leaving, my mind wandering to Riley quite often through the night.

P.S. I don't own the rights to any of these photos, they were all found on Pinterest or a Google image search.

I hope you enjoyed this. It's been quite a while since I even tried writing something for others to read so sorry if it's not up to your standards. It may start out slow but I promise there's some good things to come.

Huge shout out to @crimson-calligraphyx for encouraging and helping me with this.

[jovrien]

Yo yo so I went over my drafts and found a post I’ve written last April but idk why I didn’t post this.

⚠️⚠️⚠️ yapping alert! It’s all nonsense. I’m just posting this for my future self lol

••••••••••••••••••

Something bothers me and the Holy Spirit is pestering me to write this shit on tumblr for my peace of mind so here goes.. (Oh btw this post is nonsense and quite lengthy but I just wanna shit it outta my mind so I could finally let go of whatever this is. And oh I’m kinda drunk lol)

But first lemme confess something lol I have a crush on the guy on this photo. I took a screenshot of this pic last March 26, I stare at it every morning and damn I still feel the same to this day lol am I.. am I.. still okay? 🤭

Damn this bro is too fine I wanna look exactly like him on my next edition reincarnation 🙂‍↕️

Moving on..

So I’m just new to this whole Astrology shit and as a Capricorn Sun/Virgo Rising, I can say it’s pretty accurate how they described me as having a straight nose, good forehead, and a person who is neat freak lmaooo 😆 crazy 🤭 so yeah I never really gave a flying fuck about Astrology because I thought it was a bit ‘girly’ or something only girls do, but it all changed when last December 30, 2023, I saw a Tiktok about the Cardinal Signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn) finally ending their 16-year struggle since 2008. I mean, the last 16 years truly made me realize a lot of shit, and I lost A LOT. The last one taken away from me was my dog (Gisele Heart Particles Nougat Shamcey Chamyto Chimmy 2010-2023). So yeah, it was quite a relief knowing that the cycle is coming to an end and that the next 20 years is gonna be rosy for the Cardinal Signs. But there’s one more boss fight before Pluto finally leaves us Cardinal Signs for good as it’s going to retrograde back for a just a few months (September-November) and then GONE FOREVER.

Btw, astrologers are saying that the Fixed Signs are gonna go through shit in the next 20 years, but please don’t be afraid if you’re a Fixed Sign (especially if you’re a nice person).

So yeah, I found myself crotch-deep into astrology and found out that my ruling planet is Saturn 🪐 and that meant instant karma in both directions. And this is what bothers me because it means I have to be a good guy all the time! I mean, I’m actually a good guy because I’m kind to animals and the needy, and my secret Spotify Progressive House playlist is just 💯 👌🏼 sorry I digress lol

What bothers me is that they are saying that I shouldn’t do bad things because karma would bite me in the ass. And I have been losing sleep because of that. You see, I’m addicted to doing bad things (no, not the criminal bad things fyi. I’m a very lawful person). The things I do are too extreme that it causes panic in heaven 😝 jk

Okay while writing this post I found this comment on a Tiktok vid that made all my worries disappear

Bing Bong! Amazing how the Universe answers my questions right away. 😈 Now that I don’t have to worry about guilt (On so MANY occasions I made people do the unthinkable. I fucked my friend’s partner during a threesome) So yeah.. now that the fear of being karma’d is out of the way, lemme tell you (yeah you sleuthing relative who haunts my blog!) the best thing about being a Capricorn ruled by Saturn - we are divinely protected by Karma. It’s like having a Doberman on a night walk around the block.

I have thought of the times when people were mean and really really bad to me even if I only showed them kindness so Imma list the karma they got. (btw I’m gonna have to change some details about them so it isn’t too obvi who they are)

1. This person humiliated me in front of people (worst thing that was ever done to me), then two days later bammmm the most devastating thing happened to his wife and kids which left him in extreme pain and distress for a few months.

2. This woman hated me for no reason, talked shit about me, then a few days later she was diagnosed with cancer.

3. An evil person who did me super dirty was humiliated on a national level lmao imagine being in the news for the wrong things you did.

4. I was never bullied when I was a kid, but there was this classmate in grade school (24 years ago) who was so jealous of my Nokia 3210. She intentionally sat on my backpack, broke the screen, and even though I was fuming, I didn’t hit her ultra wide face with my hand. A few days later I heard from a classmate that she was going through shit at home because her mom found out that her dad was having an affair lmao 🤣 I stalked her IG just now and found out she’s battling with extreme obesity. Oh nooo karma is a cat purring on my lap cherryt 😝

I could go on writing (20 or more) about how people who did me wrong got bitten by karma but that would make me seem immature, childish and vindictive so imma just end this nonsense here. Ciao 🍻

[omegaremix]

Favorite Sampling / Crate-Digging / Classic Finds For The 2010’s.

Walt Barr “Free Spirit”

Azymuth “Jazz Carnival”

Reg Tilsley “Hold The Road”

Willie Bobo “Kojak Theme”

Bobby Lyle “Inner Space”

Marcio Montarroyos “Pedra Bonilla”

Rubba “Way Star”

Eddie Henderson “Involuntary Bliss”

Jaye P. Morgan “It’s Been So Long“

Eric Gale “Morning Glory”

Tribe “Koke Pt. I & II”

Urbie Green The Fox

Hysear Don Walker “Poo Jo”

Weldon Irvine “Morning Sunrise”

Unit Nine “Night Light”

Larry Bright “Solar Visions”

Sun Ra Nuits De La Fondation Maeght Vol. 1

Gary Davis & His Professor “Stay With Me”

L.A. Boppers “Saturday”

Pop Eye “Lazy Haze”

Phil Upchurch “Black Gold”

Ronnie Laws “Always There”

Sauver Mallia “Future Vision”

Sweet Mixture “House Of Fun And Love”

Tantor “Niederwohren”

Catalyst “New-Found Truths”

Brian Bennett & Alan Hawkshaw “Mermaid”

Clive Hicks “Deserted Factory”

Alan Parker & Alan Hawkshaw “The Difference”

Jack Wilkins “Red Clay”

James Clarke “In Suspension”

Negril self-titled

Blackbyrds, The “Mysterious Vibes”

Bill Loose “Almost Sixteen”

Robert Ashley “Purposeful Lady Slow Afternoon”

Steve Khan “The Blue Man”

Puccio Roelens “A Silness Song”

Robert Viger “Limpidite”

Ramsey Lewis “Skippin’”

Alan Hawkshaw “Cruising”

Keith Mansfield “Love De Luxe”

General Lee & The Space Army Band “We Did It Baby Pt. 1 & 2”

Tony Hymas “Final Inspecton”

Antonio Andolfo Feito Em Casa

James Clarke “Waiting Game”

Alan Hawkshaw “Blue Note”

Bob James “Angela”

Tom Scott “Appolonia (Foxtrata)”

Alan Parker & Mike Moran “Your Smile”

Ethel Beatty “Your Love”

Keith Droste “When You Come Around”

Ojeda Penn “Happiness Is Having You Here”

Walt Barr “Creepin’”

Brass Construction “Don’t Try To Change Me”

Sylvano Santorio “Waves”

William Onyeabor “Better Change Your Mind”

Puccio Roelens “Northern Lights”

Ramsey Lewis “Tambura”

Blackbyrds, The “Mysterious Vibes”

Champaign “I’m On Fire”

Starfire “Make The Most of It”

Dick Walter “The Fat Man”

Don Patterson “The Good Life”

Maynard Ferguson “Mister Mellow”

Death “David’s Dream”

Vic Juris “Leah”

Ramsey Lewis “Sun Goddess”

Stuff “Sun Song”

Nancy Wilson ”I’m In Love”

Undisputed Truth, The “Smiling Faces Sometimes”

Heatwave “Leaving For A Dream”

Eddie Henderson “Beyond Forever”

Keith Mansfield “Routine Procedure”

Players’ Association, The “Moon In Pisces”

Jaye P. Morgan “Can’t Hide Love”

Bill Loose “Slight Misgivings”

Bernice Chardiet / Martha Hayes “All By Myself“

Steve Khan “Darling Darling Baby (Sweet Tender Love)”

Gordon’s War “Got To Fan The Flame”

McNeal & Miles “Ja Ja”

Annette Peacock & Paul Bley “A Loss Of Consciousness”

Alan Hawkshaw “Mystique Voyage”

Big Barney “The Whole Damn Thing”

General Lee & The Space Army Band “Magic”

Gene Harris “Losalamitoslatinfunklovesong”

Tomorrow’s People “Open Soul”

Blackbyrds, The “Love Is Love”

Chick Carlton & Mesmeriah “One More Time With Feeling”

Cortex “Huit Octobre”

Flora Purim “Angels”

Francis Monkman “Getting Ready”

Frank Ricotti “Vibes”

Herbie Hancock “Butterfly”

James Mason “I Want Your Love”

Franco Micalizzi “Jessica’s Theme”

Manzel “Midnight Theme”

Sass “I Only Wanted To Love You”

Stars & Bars “Stars And Bars”

Sunburst “Mysterious Vibes”

Mass Production “Slow Bump”

Peter Brown “For Your Love”

Bobby Lyle “Night Breeze”

Brian Bennett “Morning”

Vic Juris “Horizon Drive”

Hailu Mergia & The Walias (ft. Mulatu Astatke) “Yemiasleks Fikir”

Bereket Mengistaab “Lebay”

LaMont Johnson Aces

Alan Hawkshaw “Warm Hearts”

Heatwave “Star Of The Story”

Pasteur Lappe “Mbale (Face To Face With The Truth)”

Joe Beck & David Sanborn “Texas Ann”

Jon Lucien “Sunny Day”

Players’ Association, The “Turn The Music Up!”

Richie Cole “New York Afternoon”

Rufus & Chaka Khan “Your Smile”

Shuggie Otis “Pling!”

Alice Coltraine “Galaxy In Turiya”

Stuff “And Here You Are”

Pharoah Sanders “Greeting to Saud (Brother McCoy Tyner)”

Edgar Vercy “La Mer”

Fa-5 self-titled

Iodi “Sonrie”

Joe Moks Boys And Girls

Blackbyrds, The “Lady”

Teddy Lasry “Riverhead”

Brothers Johnson “Tomorrow”

Håkon Graf & Sveinung Hovensjø & Jon Eberson & Jon Christensen “Alive Again”

Favorite Sampling / Crate-Digging / Classic Finds For The Oughts.

Donny Hathaway “Singing This Song To You”

Esther Phillips “That’s All Right With Me”

Gil Scott-Heron “We Almost Lost Detroit”

Isaac Hayes “Hung Up On My Baby”

Marvin Gaye “I Want You” (inst.)

David Axelrod “Warning Pts. 1 & 2”

Pharoah Sanders “Creator Has A Master Plan, The”

Lonnie Liston Smith “Expansions”

Kool & The Gang “Summer Madness”

Roy Ayers Virgin Ubiquity I & II

Rotary Connection “Memory Band”

Cal Tjader “Morning Mist”

Dave Grusin “Either Way”

RAMP “Daylight”

Gil Scott-Heron “A Very Precious Time”

Sun Ra “Yucatan” (Saturn ver.)

Edwin Birdsong “Cola Bottle Baby”

Kool & The Gang “Summer Madness” (live)

Neil Richardson “The Riviera Affair”

Roy Ayers Ubiquity “Show Us A Feeling”

Persuaders, The “We’re Just Trying To Make It”

Sun Ra “Enlightenment”

Les McCann River High River Low

Minnie Riperton“Lovin’ You”

Floaters, The “Float On”

Roy Ayers Ubiquity “Miles (Love’s Silent Dawn)”

Les McCann Layers

John Tropea A Short Trip To Space

Lonnie Liston Smith & The Cosmic Echoes Astral Traveling

Chick Corea“Crystal Silence”

Richard “Groove” Holmes “Onsaya Joy”

Gil Scott-Heron & Brian JacksonWinter In America

Delegation“Oh, Honey”

Heatwave “Always And Forever”

Olympic Runners “Don’t Let Up”

Kool & The Gang “Winter Sadness”

Ronnie Laws “Tidal Wave”

Parliament Funkadelic “One Of Those Funky Things”

Roy Ayers A Tear To A Smile

Galt McDermott Ripped Open By Metal Explosion

Idris Muhammad “Crab Apple”

Alan Parker & John CameronAfro Rock

Beginning Of The EndFunky Nassau

Otto Cesana “Hi”

Syd Dale “Cuban Presto”

Chambers Brothers, The “New Generation”

Chick Corea Friends

Edwin Birdsong “Rapper Dapper Snapper”

Jerry Butler “Got To See If I Can’t Get Momma (To Come Back Home)”

Karla Bonoff Restless Nights

Phil Upchurch self-titled

Roy Ayers (Ubiquity) “This Side Of Sunshine”

Billy Cobham “Heather”

Bill Conti “Reflections”

Andre Previn “Executive Party Dance”

Lonnie Liston Smith & The Cosmic Echoes Vision Of A New World

London West End Theatre Orchestra“Apollo 15 (Race Leader)”

[fortheloveofwonderland]

War of the Heart - Chapter Six | Luke Alvez x Fem! Reader

Previous Chapter

Chapter Summary - after an awkward morning spent with Luke, you are forced to make a decision about your future.

Category - heavy angst | smut | eventual happy ending.

Content Warnings - drunk reader, arguments, some violence, mentions of depression and antidepressants, swearing, tears, mutual masturbation.

WC - 4.6k

Chapter Six

2010 - Diyala, Northeast Baghdad 

The army had a strict policy on drinking, known as the 0-1-2-3 rule. Zero alcohol if driving. No more than one drink per hour. No more than two drinks a day over seven days. No more than three drinks at a given time. Excessive drinking could result in immediate discharge, thus ending one’s military career. 

However it wasn’t a secret that alcoholism in soldiers was exceptionally high. Being in the middle of combat, the stress, loneliness and boredom often racked up and many soldiers turned to the bottle. 

Luke Alvez wouldn’t say you had an alcohol problem, quite the opposite in fact. In the five months he’d known you he’d rarely see you drink at all. Which was why it was even more of a surprise to find you this way. 

It was clear to him instantly that you were intoxicated. He’d spotted you loitering a few hundred metres from the housing units, stumbling around in the sand. It was dark, but he'd recognise your form anywhere, he’d seen it naked enough times. If the captain was to find you like this you’d be out on your ass. So he knew he had to tackle this and quietly. 

You were tossing stones at the sand when he reached you, swerving around like you could barely hold yourself up right. He approached with caution, hoping to god you at least didn’t have your service weapon on you. 

“Private?” He called out when he got close. “Are you armed?” 

You spun around, almost tripping over your own feet as you did so. You wore nothing but your cargo pants and your oversized Ranger’s t-shirt. Despite the desert heat during the day, as soon as the sun dipped below the horizon the temperatures plummeted. Even in his jacket he felt the chill. 

“No.” You shook your head. “But I am loaded.” 

“Yeah, I can tell.” He came closer to you. “You must be freezing.” 

“Nah.” You shrugged, but the goosebumps on your flesh gave you away. 

Luke sighed and slipped off his jacket, carefully draping it around your shoulders. 

“Let me help you back to your room.” He tried to place his hand on your back but you moved out of his reach. 

“Don’t need help, Sarg.” You shook your head. 

“Y/N, come on, if anyone sees you like this you’ll be gone.” 

“That’s my problem, not yours.” You kicked the dirt, sending particles of sand flying around you both. 

“Let me help you.” He repeated softly. 

“I don’t need your help.” You spat. “You think you're some kind of martyr? Oh and what does that make me, a pathetic little damsel in distress?” 

“I didn’t say that.” He tried to remain calm, knowing better than to rise to it. 

“Sergeant Alvez here to save the day.” You scoffed. 

He may never have seen you drunk before, but he’d seen you angry. It took a lot to push you over the edge, not like him, but when you did get like this it usually ended badly for Luke. 

One time you’d given him a black eye when you threw his Polaroid camera at him. Another time you broke his stereo in a rage. He imagined you weren’t like this in the real world, army life caused these kinds of personality imbalances. Sometimes being on active duty sent people over the edge. 

“Please let me help you back to camp. You shouldn’t be out here.” 

“Leave me alone.” You turned away from him. “I don’t need saving, Sarg.”

“It happens to the best of us.” He spoke again, not one to be easily perturbed. “You can’t let it win, or there’s no coming back.” 

As well as being susceptible to alcoholism, depression was much higher in military personnel, it was quite often what led to the drinking in the first place. The suicide rate among military veterans was fifty percent higher than the civilian population for a reason. 

“What would you know?” You spat, wrapping your arms around yourself. 

Luke heaved a sigh and dared to step closer to you. He didn’t relish having to have this conversation, but if helped you it would be worth it. 

“Because I’ve been there.” He sidled up next to you. “I’ve served for more years than I can count and I’ve lost track of the amount of times I’ve spiralled into that darkness Y/N. I’ve been on antidepressants for like, four years. Active duty is a bitch, it doesn’t make you weak for admitting you need help.” 

“Thanks for the pep talk, Sarg.” You shrugged your shoulders until his jacket fell to the ground behind you. “Now respectfully, please fuck off.” 

“Not gonna happen.” He picked up the jacket and put it back on before taking hold of your arms and turning you to face him. 

The moon above cast its light on your face and the tears that were slowly rolling down your cheeks. Your bottom lip was cracked and split probably from profuse chewing. He’d never seen anyone look so scared and vulnerable before. 

“Sarg,” you clenched your jaw, trying to fight against the tears. “If you don’t let go of me, I will not be held accountable for my actions.” 

He didn’t let go of you. If anything, Luke tightened his grip on you. You clenched your jaw again, the alcohol pulsing through your veins and causing you to act without considering the repercussions. You lifted your right leg, only able to do so without falling due to Luke’s hold on you. And then you kneed him square in the crotch. 

He instantly stumbled backwards, hands falling from your arms to where you’d just kneed him. He doubled over, spluttering a little and gasping for the air the blow had knocked from his lungs. 

“Fucking hell, Y/N!” He spat. “What the fuck was that for?” 

“I told you to leave me alone.” 

“I could write you up for that. Technically that’s assaulting a superior officer.” He groaned, still doubled over. 

“Try it and I’ll show them these.” You pointed to your arms, rolling up the oversized sleeves of your t-shirt. 

Luke tried to straighten up, still holding his throbbing crotch. Both of your biceps were purple with bruises, distinctly finger shaped bruises. It had been four days since you’d been together last but the bruises from him pinning you to your cot were still visible.

“I didn’t hear you complaining at the time.” He scoffed. “As a matter of fact, I seem to remember you enjoying it.” 

“Captain doesn’t need to know that though, does he?” Despite your tears, you smirked at him as you brushed past him. But once again, Luke was quick to grab you and spin you back to face him. 

“You wouldn’t dare.” He growled at you, his jaw set. 

“Get your hands off of me, Sergeant.” 

“I’m not letting you ruin my career.” He shook his head, keeping a tight grip on your arm. “And I’m not letting you ruin your own.” 

“Get your hands off of me.” You repeated. 

“Not until you calm down.” 

You didn’t calm down, in fact you did the opposite. You started fighting against him, trying to shake him off but of course he was stronger than you. He held onto you tightly, no doubt causing more bruises over the ones that already existed. More tears started falling from your eyes as you tried to fight him. 

“Get off of me! Get off! Leave me alone! I hate you! I hate you!” You started sobbing, your legs trembling to the point Luke was the only thing holding you upright. 

“You don’t hate me.” he sighed. “You love me.”

“No, I hate you. Get off of me, please get off of me!” You fell against his chest, sobbing into the fabric of his jacket. 

Luke let go of your arms and wrapped his around you, keeping you on your feet with his firm hold. You cried loudly, nuzzling against him while weakly smacking your fists against his chest. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” You wailed, still frailly trying to fight him. 

“You’re depressed, cariño. You need to speak to someone.” He whispered, trying to hold you close but you shoved him away in a surge of strength. 

“Fuck you, I am not.” You shoved him again so he wasn’t touching you anymore and suddenly raised your fist in the air and punched him hard on the nose.

Luke yelped, surprised by the force in which you’d hit him. His hands came to cradle his nose and he felt the blood dripping into his hand. 

“Fuck, Y/N!” he whined. “That hurt like a puta! You could have broken my nose.” 

“Maybe that will teach you that when someone says they want to be left alone, they mean it.” You spat, no hint of remorse in your voice. 

“Everybody feels this way from time to time, it's normal under the circumstances.” He tried to reason with you, still attempting to catch the blood from his nose. 

“It's not the war.” You rolled your eyes.

“What is it then? Maybe I can help you.” 

“You just don’t get it do you?” You shook your head. “You can’t help me, because you are the problem.” 

Luke frowned at you, assuming it was just the alcohol talking. He pinched the bridge of his nose with one hand, wiping the blood from the other on his cargos.

“Don’t say that, you don’t mean that.” 

“What if I do?” You looked and sounded suddenly sober. “You want to know why I drank so much tonight?” 

“Why?” He sighed, trying to humour you.

“Because you were late.” You spat harsher than he’d ever heard you. “You were meant to be back at camp hours ago and then I heard reports over the comms about an explosion just a few miles from where you were. I thought you were dead, Sarg. So I drank. I drank even though it could have been the end of my career to do so, because I thought you were dead in a fucking ditch somewhere. I could have jeopardised everything I’ve worked for tonight because of you.”

Luke’s heart throbbed in his chest, replacing the pain in his nose. He stepped towards you, tears feeling like they were stinging his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” He croaked. “But I’m ok.”

“You still don’t get it.” You backed away. “I was a strong, fearless soldier before I met you. You’ve turned me into something I don’t recognise. You have made me soft, loving you has made me weak. I won’t do it anymore, Sarg. The army is the only thing I have, the only thing I can depend on. I won’t let you stand in the way of that. I can’t…we can’t do this anymore.” 

“Don’t I get a say in this?” The bleeding had stopped even though his nose still throbbed and he let his arms fall to his side. “Last time I checked there were two of us in this relationship. You don’t get to just say it’s over without consulting me.”

“Relationship?” You laughed in exasperation. “What relationship? It was supposed to just be sex, Sarg!”

“It’s more than that, it always has been. And you know it.” He shook his head. 

“What do you really think is going to happen here? Are you so fucking naive that you think we have a future together? You think we’ll leave the army and settle down and have a family or some shit?” 

“Why not?” The hurt spread across his face.

“Because that’s so unrealistic! This isn’t real life, Sarg. The second this is all over you and I are nothing to each other.” 

“No, no, don’t say that.” 

“It's the truth.” 

“No it’s not. It can’t be.” He shook his head frantically. 

“Well I’m afraid it is. I’m sorry if you thought it was more than that, but it’s not.” You folded your arms over your chest. 

He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled something out, holding it in his open palm. The light from the moon reflected off of the shiny silver item of jewellery in his hand and caused your breath to catch in your throat when you realised what it was. You stumbled backwards a little but it had nothing to do with the alcohol this time.

“Luke?” You swallowed, looking from the ring in his outstretched hand back to his eyes.

“If it were true, if we really didn’t have a fucking future,” He spat, his tears breaking free suddenly. “Then why the hell did I buy this?” 

***

Present - Quantico, Virginia

The bodies on the jet had doubled since your journey over to Mexico, not only were IRT members Matt and Clara now accompanying you, but so was Spencer. 

It was bittersweet. He was only in attendance because he was being extradited back to the US after the discovery that Nadie Ramos had dual citizenship, but you all had a hell of a fight left if you wanted to prove he didn’t kill her. Spencer wouldn’t talk to you, let alone look at you. And to make things even more uncomfortable, you couldn’t bring yourself to look at Luke. 

You’d both fallen asleep fairly fast last night, obviously something about being back in each other's arms had comforted you. It wasn’t until this morning that things had turned much more awkward. 

You were still laying in arms, your back pressed against him and he had one arm lazily draped over your waist. It reminded you of that morning in Brooklyn after Reynolds funeral. He was hard as expected, and didn’t try to hide it, in fact he even shuffled closer to you just in case you didn’t know. 

And then he’d started kissing your neck. 

“Alvez,” you whined at the feeling of his lips on your sensitive skin. “Alvez, stop it.”

“Do you really want me to stop?” He grinded against you from behind. 

“No.” You confessed, him stopping was the last thing you really wanted. 

He continued to kiss your neck, sucking marks into your flesh that you hoped you’d be able to hide later. It was when his hand wandered from your stomach down towards your underwear that you started to pull away. 

“Alvez,” you scalded him. “No, no we can’t do this.” 

“Fuck, I know we can’t.” He groaned deeply, tearing himself away from you and rolling onto his back. 

You rolled over so you could look at him, knowing your cheeks were stained pink with your arousal. He lolled his head to the side and met your gaze. 

“It’s like having a giant jar of candy in front of me and being on a diet.” He tried to joke. 

“You have a girlfriend.” You shrugged. 

“She’s not my girlfriend. It’s not…we’re just dating.” 

“Still,” you rolled your bottom lip between your teeth. “You’re not single.” 

“You have no idea how much I wish I was right now.” 

A movement caught your eye and you looked down to notice something moving beneath the sheets. You quickly looked back up at Luke, wide eyed. 

“What are you doing?” A deep heat spread between your legs. 

“Not what you think.” He shrugged. “Not exactly anyway. I’m just trying to relieve a little tension.” 

As if to prove his point he moved the bedsheet aside, exposing his golden, toned chest and tight black boxers for which his hand was not inside like you’d expected. He was pressing the palm of his hand against the base of his hard length through his underwear, like he’d said, to relieve some tension. 

“Jesus, Alvez.” You sucked in a breath, it was almost as hot as seeing him touch himself. “Fucking Christ.” 

“I’m sorry.” He replied, not sounding sorry at all. “I can’t help it.” 

He noticed the way you squeezed your thighs together, clearly trying a little tension relief yourself. His toes curled and his stomach clenched. It was literally killing him not to touch you. 

“You should go.” You tried to look away from him but couldn’t. 

“Like this?” I can’t go anywhere right now.” He sounded exasperated. 

“Well what is it going to take for you to leave?” 

He pulled a face, he’d thought that was quite obvious. 

“I can’t see this going anywhere unless I come.” He admitted, moaning a little at the thought and pressing harder against his shaft. 

“Just think of something horrible. Dead bodies or something, that’ll make it go away.” You forced your eyes onto the ceiling now, thinking you may explode if you kept looking at him. 

“I’m laying next to my stupidly attractive, half naked ex-girlfriend who I know for is fact is fucking incredible in bed. Dead bodies aren’t gonna cut it.” 

You looked back at him, the tension between you was so thick it was stifling. A battle waged in your mind, trying to think of the outcome with the least amount of casualties. The most obvious option was to jump his bones, fuck him and deal with the consequences later. But that was such a terrible, terrible idea. 

Before you could sort through the rapid fire thoughts entering your brain, Luke moved closer to you and turned you back onto your side where you’d been when you woke up. His lips quickly fixed back onto your neck and you were powerless to stop him. 

You felt his hand move down between your bodies and you knew what was happening. The jerking motions that followed confirmed that. 

“Alvez,” you whimpered pathetically. 

“Call me Sarg, please, please god.” He panted into your neck as he stroked himself rapidly, needing to find his release. 

You moaned despite the fact he wasn’t touching you and somehow your own hand started to wander and found its way into your panties. Luke must have been able to see well enough to know as you heard him hiss when your fingers disappeared between your legs. 

“Sarg, fuck, this is such a bad idea.” You whined, using your own hand to get you off while he did the same behind you. 

“I’m not touching you. You aren’t touching me. It’s probably not as bad as it seems.” He panted heavily, moaning slightly. “God I wish it was your hand.” 

You moaned loudly into the pillow, Luke’s body heat causing you to sweat. He propped himself up on his free arm so he could get a better view of you. You were still wearing your underwear so he couldn’t see exactly what you were doing but the way your hand moved inside of the fabric was enough. 

He picked up his pace, the bed rocking beneath the two of you with your combined movements. Luke was already close and he could tell you were too by the way your thighs squeezed around your hand. 

“You gonna come, cariño? Let me hear you come.” He brought his lips back to neck, then to your ear where he nibbled on the lobe. 

“I’m close, Sarg, real close.” You mumbled. 

“Me too.” He agreed. 

It was you who came first, clamping your thighs around your hand as you did but screaming the word Sarg. Luke was close behind, hearing you moan his nickname was what pushed him over the edge. He came between your bodies, on the back of your t-shirt and on his own stomach. 

The room was filled with a crescendo of heavy breathing while you both came down from your highs. You removed your hand from your panties but refused to turn and look at him, the guilt of what you’d done setting in. 

After a few minutes Luke rolled over, wiping himself on the bed sheets as he did so. 

“Now I should probably go.” He swung his legs out of the bed. 

“Yeah.” You agreed but continued to face the wall.

It would have almost been less awkward if the two of you had actually had sex. Somehow what you’d done seemed even worse in a weird way. It had felt sordid, wrong on so many levels. Luke was dating someone and Spencer was in prison and the two of you had been masturbating together. What the fuck was wrong with you? 

The flight home felt so much longer than the way there, the jet filled to the rafters with tension from both Spencer and Luke. And suddenly it hit you with startling clarity what you needed to do. 

While the team was busy fussing over Spencer before he was taken to the county jail, you followed Emily to her office, closing the door behind you. You were sure she knew by the look on your face what you were going to say before you said it. 

“I know this is the worst possible time for this.” You inhaled deeply, desperate to stave off the tears. “I want to help find Scratch and prove Spencer’s innocence but I can’t do that whilst being a part of this team anymore.” 

Emily let out a long breath, her mouth hanging open a little as she looked at you across her desk. 

“You want to quit?” Her eyebrows knitted together. 

“I need to quit.” You sniffed. “I got pretty bad depression when I was serving in Iraq. Weirdly enough though once I was transferred to Afghanistan I was fine. And I never really experienced PTSD, not the way I’ve heard other soldiers suffering from it anyway. Recently I’ve found it manifesting again, and I’ve realised that there is a common denominator in both my service in Iraq and now.” 

Emily's frown deepened and you could see the cogs turning in her head as she pieced together what you weren’t saying. You noticed the moment she figured it out, the way a lightbulb seemed to go off in her mind. 

“Alvez?” 

“Yeah.” A tear escaped your eye. “I am madly in love with him but our relationship was poison to my mental health. He’s like a drug I can’t quit. I know it’s bad for me but I just can’t stop, you know? And being around him again is bringing up all those old feelings, the good and the bad. So for my own sanity, I have to leave.”

“I don’t want to lose you from the team. But I understand, your well being comes first.” She looked sadly at you. The last thing she needed was to lose another member of the team but she could see in your eyes how much Luke’s presence had broken you. 

You withdrew your firearm from you holster and placed it alongside your FBI credentials on her desk. 

“Thank you, Emily. If there’s any way I can still consult on Scratch, I’d really like to be able to help clear Spencer’s name and put Peter Lewis behind bars where he belongs.” You took a few steps back towards the door. 

“I’ll see what I can do.” 

You nodded and Emily simply watched you go. You slowly made your way across the bullpen which was thankfully still empty as everyone was still by the elevators with Spencer. 

You bypassed one desk in particular, slipping the post-it note you’d written on the plane out of your pocket and sliding under his keyboard. Then you tore yourself away and forced yourself to not to look as downtrodden as you felt as you headed towards the elevators. 

You tried to keep your head down and get out without having to look at any of them, but of course it was never going to be that easy. 

“Leaving without saying goodbye?” Spencer’s voice croaked and when you looked up at him, he had a hint of a smile on his lips. 

You smiled back sadly, stepping closer to him and practically throwing yourself at him. He couldn’t hug you back due to the handcuffs that were covered by Luke’s FBI jacket. You wrapped your arms around his neck and snuggled as close to him as possible.

“I won’t rest until we bring you home, ok?” You whispered in his ear. 

“I know.” He simply replied.

You placed a chaste kiss on his cheek before tearing yourself away. You averted your eyes again as you headed to the elevator. The doors opened and you stepped inside, pressing the button for the ground floor. As the doors started to close you couldn’t help but glance up, right into the eyes of Luke.

His eyebrows were knitted together, something wasn’t right and he could tell. But seconds later the doors were closing and you vanished behind them.

Your tears started falling immediately after the elevator doors closed. You gave a brief thought to Luke finding the note and hoping he’d understand. You hoped he would see how much this was destroying you and take the hint and just let you go. 

Not for the first time Luke Alvez had been your downfall. It was like it was thirteen years ago all over again, making that decision to walk away before you self-destructed. Once again, you’d let Luke push you to extremes you’d never thought you could be pushed to. Why should this have been any different from leaving Iraq? 

Back on the sixth floor, Luke excused himself and rushed into the bullpen, intent on finding Emily and asking her what was going on. But as he passed by his desk a little sliver of pink caught his eye, poking out from under his keyboard. He detoured over to it and quickly slid the post-it note out. He recognised your handwriting immediately, and his heart constricted in his chest as he read over the simple words inscribed on the note. 

Loving you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. There have been too many casualties in this war raging in my heart. If you love me, you have to set me free. 

Goodbye Sarg. 

***

2010 - Diyala, Northeast Baghdad 

You sat fiddling with your thumbs in your lap, the captain's gaze heavy upon you. It hadn’t been an easy decision, but it was one you had to stick by for your own well being. This place was killing you slowly, day by day taking tiny pieces of your soul and eventually there would be nothing left of you. 

Your head wasn’t in it anymore, you weren’t the soldier you once were and you knew as long as you stayed here, as long as he was here, you’d never would be. 

The captain leant forward on his desk, scrutinising you in such an intimidating way you felt like a small child about to be reprimanded by their father. The stare off seemed to last hours before he finally spoke. 

“Let me make sure I’m getting this,” he sat back, a stern frown on his ageing face. “You’re asking to be reassigned?” 

“Yes sir.” You swallowed thickly. “I know there are jobs out in Afghanistan and I know they’re in need of good soldiers out there more than here at present. In truth, I don’t feel I am able to flourish here anymore. I feel I will be of more use somewhere else.” 

It was a long shot at best and you knew it. It wasn’t entirely rare for soldiers to be transferred or reassigned but it wasn’t usually requested by the soldier. In the military, you went where you were told, where you were needed. You hoped the need in Afghanistan was your way in. 

He continued to scrutinise you, clearly not used to such an ask. It was a long shot. You kept telling yourself that, but you kept a small window of hope that the outcome would be positive.

You couldn’t stay here any more, it wasn’t the same as it once had been. Iraq was no longer where you belonged. To save yourself, you needed to leave. Because falling in love with Sergeant Luke Alvez, you had no doubt, would be your undoing. 

Next Chapter

Taglist

@carolinesbookworld @wooya1224 @littlebeanwrites @randomrambling @telepathay @lukealvezswifey

[raytm]

knowing your partner can potentially make writing together a lot easier.

– BASICS.

✧ NAME: ray !!! ✧ PRONOUNS: he / him & they / them. ( sometimes ) ✧  SEXUALITY: ur local questioning pan - ace something. ✧  TAKEN OR SINGLE: single dad to 2 cats ( they aren't actually mine )

– THREE FACTS.

✧ i am adhd brain very chronically. i forget things alot, i bounce around alot ?? my attention span is always quite short ?? without my meds im pretty suire i would be an atom floating in space ?? i am also autistic so you can probably see the issue i have with both of these 2 things bbeating heads all the time. ✧ i am australian, we are real, i do not sound like an aussie but also apparently i do which is ??? ✧ i am 4'8 i am very small ic annoty reach aznything pls send a tall person to make my life signifantly easier.

– EXPERIENCE.

✧   HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): i have been writing since fucking like before 2010. so a long ass time. ✧   PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: gaming websites, chatzy, discord, facebook, tumblr, random forums like rp.me idk what th at was about though. ✧   BEST EXPERIENCE: i meet alot of talented writers on tumblr so that's probably my best experience i think ?? i learn alot and get the chance to read some prettyt artistic writing and interesting hcs

– MUSE PREFERENCES.

✧   FEMALE OR MALE:i gravitate towards male muses ALOT but for some reason sparkle has got my by the throat rn. ✧  FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: i can and will writ4e all of these, i have a preference more towards angst & smut because fluff can become a little ?? meh after a while. but i do love me some domestics as a treat everynow and again. ✧   PLOTS OR MEMES: mermes mostly bc i suck ?? at plotting ?? so badly honestly i am allowed 1 thought every 100 hours and idk when that is coming tbh. so you can always ssend a meme in and we can continue it or just ?? slap me with ur muse like a fish. ✧   LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: i want to say usually 2-3 paragraphs but for some reason everytime i open google docs lately i end up writing 5-10 paragraphs which should be illegal. ✧   BEST TIME TO WRITE: after i take my adhd meds oml. usually morning - afternoon whyen the sun goes down so do it ✧ ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): idk maybe >??>>> i guess ??? i feel l;ike this is a querstion i shoudl ask someone who knows me better OFONFNDCXN

TAGGED BY: mpo tags ypoui take it from me <3

[bluemoonperegrine]

Those Who Wander

Rated T | Chapter 1/? | 1865 words | ao3 link

Authors: @bluemoonperegrine and @vicarious-rebel

Fandoms: Moon Knight, Werewolf By Night

Tags: Marc Spector/Jack Russell, Marc Spector & Steven Grant & Jake Lockley, mentions of Khonshu, mentions of Layla El-Faouly, San Diego/Tijuana area, alternate universe, fluff, romance, silliness

Summary: The Moon Knight system, now living in San Diego, decides to get back to nature after a mission investigating a human trafficking ring. Hiking in a national park in the mountains east of San Diego doesn't go as planned.

Notes: This is such an alternate universe. Seriously. It doesn't get much AU-ier than this! It's somewhere around 2010, the system and Jack are in their late 20s, and we've done a number on their backstories. Fun! We'll update tags as the story progresses.

-----------------------

Chapter 1: Well-Met

Out of all of the criminals Marc Spector had hunted down in his twenty-six years, he despised human traffickers the most. Although they weren’t the most depraved of those who’d received Khonshu’s justice by his or Jake’s hand, their calculating opportunism made his blood boil. These lowlifes were modern-day slavers. Following Khonshu’s orders regarding them wasn’t a problem.

One such lowlife by the name of La Araña was the reason why Marc had moved from London to San Diego last month. One of the reasons, really. Somehow Khonshu had learned about an explosion in human trafficking in the San Diego/Tijuana area and ordered him and Jake to cease Araña’s operations by any means necessary. The bird had ordered Steven as well, but the Brit has managed to talk his way out of it for the most part. Steven was smarter than the skeletal blowhard, much to his annoyance and Marc’s, Jake’s, and Steven’s amusement.

Rather than embark on a long-term mission, the system had decided to move back to the States. Although a few months had passed after their mother’s death and the Harrow/Ammit mess, they still felt off-kilter. Moreso than usual, anyway. A change of scenery would do them good, Steven and Jake thought. 

Marc didn’t care either way. Life was pretty lousy no matter where you lived, so whatever. Their best friend Layla traveled constantly for archaeological or Taweret-related reasons, so they’d see her often. She and Frenchie were their—particularly Marc’s—rock. Thank god for cell phones.

Despite being at the top of a rocky ridge, Marc’s flip phone had no signal. He withheld a sigh as he swept his gaze around the arid, rugged landscape. He needed to get moving before the morning sun climbed higher in the sky. Somehow he’d forgotten to pack a hat in the small rucksack that Khonshu’s suit could absorb. Steven had wanted to experiment more to see exactly how much mass the moon god’s magic could manage. It sounded like a long and tedious process, so Marc vetoed it entirely. If it could fit in his Army rucksack, it would work. Simple.

After taking a long swig of water from his half-empty canteen, Marc stowed it, shouldered his pack, and started down the narrow animal trail that led down the steep, east-facing hillside and into the canyon below. They’d need water from the stream that had carved the deep, narrow valley by the time they got there. Water purification tablets would make it safe to drink.

A pulse of anxiety washed over him. This time Marc sighed. “What, Steven?”

Kinda steep, innit?

“Kinda. Jake and I hiked worse in the Army.”

Sure did, jefe.

Marc grinned; he hadn’t realized that Jake was awake. “You keeping an eye on things, Jake?”

He felt his headmate’s mental nod. Yup.

We’re not lost, Steven said as if reassuring himself. Marc said he knows where we are. I don’t see how, flying at night after our mission when there’s no moon and there’s hardly anything out here! How do pilots—

“Steven,” Jake and Marc said simultaneously. Marc continued, “Even if we were lost, which we’re not, it’s fine. We’re trained for this. Packed accordingly, and—”

You forgot a hat.

Jake chuckled as Marc grumbled under his breath. “I wanted a relaxing hike, Steven. This right now is the opposite of relaxing.”

Está bien, hermanito. We’ve got the suit, remember?

Steven chuckled. Right. One of you nudge me when we’re not on a cliff or if something interesting happens.

Marc grinned. “You got it, buddy.” He felt Steven retreat just in time for the first switchback. The footing was a bit dicey unless you were a mule deer. He’d manage, and if he didn’t the suit would save their ass again. The suit didn’t dull pain, so Marc focused on the rocky trail and enjoyed the wilderness stretching out in all directions.

Three hours later the sun was directly overhead and felt searing due to the thinner atmosphere at this elevation. Marc was halfway through his canteen of safe but gross-tasting purified stream water. He’d stripped off his T-shirt an hour earlier to act as an improvised headwrap/scarf to protect his scalp and the back of his neck. It was working, but allowing his rucksack straps to chafe on his shoulders. Most worryingly, the canyon floor was now sloping uphill. He’d been walking southwest as planned. Barrett Junction should be a half mile ahead and downhill.

Steven did the mental equivalent of a stretch and a yawn. We there yet, bruv?

“Getting close,” Marc hedged.

Jake chuckled softly.

Wot? Steven asked.

We’re—

“Do not, Jake.”

We’re what?

Marc sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Taking the scenic route.”

Jake laughed and soon was joined by Steven. It’s all scenic, mate!

Hold up, Jake said, and Marc halted. Despite sharing the same body, somehow Jake picked up on things before he and Steven did. 

Marc looked and listened intently. Nothing was moving other than a few birds high overhead, but he heard something, just barely.

Jake stated, Vehicle. East.

Brilliant! Steven enthused as Marc darted behind a stand of pine-tree-like shrubs. What’re you doing? We can get a ride to civilization!

Gotta make sure he’s not a hostile.

Marc felt Steven virtually roll his eyes. You lot are paranoid. ‘E’s—or she, could be a woman, you know—prob’ly just out enjoying nature, but not lost like—

“WE’RE NOT LOST!”

The sound of the approaching engine quieted. “Hey!” a male voice called from the southeast. Maybe the canyon branched that way. “You need a hand? ¿Necesitas ayuda?” 

Yes! Steven replied as if the guy could hear him. 

Marc shushed his headmate so he could continue observing. Footsteps crunched on sand and gravel. Soon a slender man in a park ranger’s uniform stepped through an opening in the canyon wall and into view. His wide-brimmed hat shaded his face.

Feeling foolish, Marc shifted his weight to his other foot and debated waiting the ranger out. Maybe he should just summon the suit and fly off after all. He’d be a lot less sunburned that way.

The park ranger seemed to look right at Marc despite the evergreen shrubs hiding him. He started jogging toward him, calling “¿Estás herido? Are you hurt? I have a first aid kit in the jeep.” His English had a light Mexican accent.

Busted, Jake chortled as Steven snickered.

Wishing he’d never attempted a relaxing post-mission hike, Marc strode around the edge of the shrubby trees. “I’m okay, just…”

The ranger had halted about ten feet from him, close enough to make out his features despite the shade from his hat. He was drop-dead handsome, clean-shaven with tan skin and short dark hair. Seemed to be about Marc’s age and height.

Blimey, Steven murmured. Those eyes!

I thought you liked Layla, Jake said.

I do, Steven returned, but she doesn’t like any of us like that—

¡Gracias a Dios!

—and that’s fine, and I dunno, I’m still figuring things out so—

Shut. Up. Marc managed to say silently, if through gritted teeth. Mercifully, they listened.

The ranger—Russell per his name tag—tilted his head and frowned. “You’re sweating. That’s good.” He resumed walking toward him.

“Good?” Marc echoed, acutely aware that he was shirtless. Why did he care? He’d been in the army for crying out loud!

Russell smiled broadly. “You don’t have heat stroke. Do you have water?” Marc nodded. “Good.” He stretched one arm in the direction he’d come from and reached the other toward Marc’s shoulder but didn’t touch him. “Let me give you a ride back to wherever you’d parked. Was it the main lot, or one of the others?”

Marc found himself walking with the young man. “I, uh, was dropped off.”

Jake snorted.

Russell looked at him askance, then shrugged. “We’ll go to the station. It’s air-conditioned. You can rest, then go from there.” Marc nodded agreement.

They walked uphill along a short, narrow gap in the canyon wall heading east. Marc spotted the ranger’s dusty jeep parked near its mouth.

“Got a name?” Russell asked.

“Marc,” he replied.

Russell grinned. “Nice to meet you, Marc.” He put one hand on his stomach. “Jack.”

Steven chuckled, which made Marc frown. What? he asked.

“Yes, like the dog,” Jack said with a brilliant smile. “It wasn’t intentional.” He stopped walking, so Marc followed suit, abruptly realizing they’d reached the jeep. His situational awareness had gone to shit for some reason. 

Jack’s brow furrowed again. He motioned at the passenger side of the jeep. “Go ahead, get in. It’s a half hour drive on rough roads to the station, so be sure to drink some water. I’ve got jerky and trail mix if you need something to eat.”

Marc nodded again and did so, putting on his shirt after setting his rucksack in the back seat. Jack steered the jeep further east, then turned north on a rutted jeep trail. They were headed in the opposite direction he’d intended to go, not that it mattered. He caught Jack’s eye and waved southwest. “How much further was Barrett Junction?”

Jack’s eyebrows shot up as smile crept across his face. “That’s where you were headed?”

“Yeah.” Marc felt his headmates’ amusement loud and clear.

“I’m glad I found you,” Jack said, now serious. “Eight miles as the crow flies, but with this terrain? No offense, but I don’t think you’re prepared for it. And there’s no backcountry permits issued for this area right now. You shouldn’t be here.”

“Oh.” Marc faced forward, stared out the windshield, and tried to ignore Steven’s and Jake’s laughter. “I’ll be sure to get a permit in the future.”

Jack nodded, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye. “They’re for safety more than anything. It’s not good to do this stuff alone. I love it out here, but have to admit it can be dangerous. There are predators.”

“Yeah,” Marc agreed, his thoughts returning to La Araña. With the border only a few miles to the south, the trafficker may have routes nearby. For a moment Marc considered asking Jack if he’d heard of Araña, but decided otherwise. If anything he might seem suspicious, being in a remote area of the park near the border without a permit. So he drank more of the bitter-tasting water from his canteen, and waited to return to civilization.

Look at ‘im, bruv.

Marc didn’t on general principle and to not be weird; Jack was navigating a tooth-rattlingly rough section of road. Why?

‘Cos I want to see him. He’s cute!

Dios, Jake moaned. It’s Layla all over again.

Would that be so bad? Steven countered. She’s brilliant! A good mate.

Marc sighed. Enough. It’s not like we’ll be out this way again. 

Unless we want to go on another relaxing hike, Steven said. I’d say this is the perfect place to go!

Jake drawled, Try not to get lost, jefe.

Marc tried to lean the back of his head against the headrest, but the lurching jeep made that impossible. I hate you guys.

You don’t, Steven returned, affection clear in his words.

Marc returned it, smiling. I don’t.

[aneunelpeunim07]

The song "Our Town" from the movie Cars just made me emotional.

I was listening to the song while checking my emails, when suddenly I got curious about its lyrics. It then made me think of Scuderia Ferrari, especially their progressive development in the mid-late 1990s, the dominant 2000s era, and beyond.

Long ago, but not so very long ago The world was different, oh yes it was You settled down and you built a town and made it live And you watched it grow, it was your town

Those lines made me think of how the dream team of Michael Schumacher, Jean Todt, and Ross Brawn (plus of course Rory Byrne, and other drivers like Eddie Irvine, Rubens Barrichello, Luca Badoer, etc) built the team for years before they managed to reap the fruits of their labor in the 2000s.

Time goes by, time brings changes, you change too Nothing comes that you can't handle, so on you go You never see it coming when the world caves in on you On your town, there's nothing you can do Main street isn't main street anymore Lights don't shine as brightly as they shone before Tell the truth, lights don't shine at all In our town

Then of course after the mid-2000s, it slowly crumbled down for the Scuderia. They had very talented drivers at multiple points, like Felipe Massa, Fernando Alonso, and Sebastian Vettel, and the 2010s also marked the return of their last WDC, Kimi Raikkonen. None of that immense talent in their roster managed to bring back the so-called Golden Age of the Scuderia.

Sun comes up each morning, just like it's always done Get up, go to work, start the day You open up for business that's never gonna come As the world rolls by a million miles away Main street isn't main street anymore No one seems to need us like they did before It's hard to find a reason left to stay But it's our town, love it anyway Come what may, it's our town

And now we're here in the modern era. We're left wondering if we will get to experience the euphoria of the Golden Age. Some are starting to question if the yearly "This year is going to be our year!" delusion is worth keeping. Nevertheless, the sentiment remains the same: It's our town, and we love it anyway. Come what may.

[jackobbit]

What were some of the inspirations for the working for evil au? Is one of them villainous?

There’s been lots of different inspos!! But the biggest one is early 2000’s-2010’s cartoons!

Regular Show is a HUGE inspo for the show, I love the episodic formula were things start out normal and then get crazy in the most random ways.

Transformers Animated and transformers G1 is also another huge inspiration. I know G1 is on the older side compared to its other inspos, but it gives off immaculate silly vibes

Also a good amount of inspo from the show Chowder! Mainly for the humor and episode formula and the return to status quo. I hope I’m able to write jokes as funny as the ones in that show, that’d be the dream!

From there the inspos get a bit blurred, where it’s more bits and pieces instead of an overall vibe/multiple things within the show, little bit of Powerpuff Girls, Invader Zim, original Teen Titans, and especially those cartoons where teams collect something! Bakugon, Bayblade, Yu-Gi-Oh, Digimon, Pokemon, Lego Ninjago, etc. Also, yes, a little sprinkle of Phineas and Ferb, haha

And of course, I do take inspo from The Sun and Moon Show itself, kind of a given!

In terms of inspo that’s *not* cartoons, we’ve got:

80’s, 90’s and early 2000’s music, Cartoon Network, just, in general, bumpers included, the general vibe of Saturday morning cartoons and watching TV in the early 2000’s, and my inspiration for literally any time I’ve attempted to make a comic- Laika’s Comet!

[boosqoowoo]

beenzino - nike shoes (english lyrics translation)

24: 26, girl, let’s go Nikes on her feet make my love complete* *Callback to iconic lyrics by other rappers

"got Nikes on my feet and to be complete" - Dope Beat by Boogie Down Productions (1987)

"Suede Timbs on my feet makes my cipher complete" - The World Is Yours by Nas (1994)

"and the Nikes on my feet keep my cypher complete" - Nikes on My Feet by Mac Miller (2010)

*beenzino* 산책하기 딱인 온도와 the perfect temperature for a walk

그녀의 발엔 Nike 운동화 Nike sneakers on her feet *rhyme

i like your style, baby

그녀의 뒤로 늘어선 그림자 속에 묻어가 i'm buried in the shadows lined up behind her *aka he's following her around

왜 여자들은 그리 명품에 환장해? why are women so obsessed with luxury goods?

캠퍼스 안의 명품 백 luxury bag in the school campus

Is that Chanel? Is that Givenchy?

한 쪽 어깨로 드는 이삿짐 a mover carrying goods with one shoulder *like the moves carrying a box on one shoulder, women carry their luxury bags over one shoulder as well

허나 이 아이는 예외인 듯 해 but this kid seems to be an exception

호리호리한 등짝에 있는 백 backpack on her slim back

회색 hoodie 위 가방은 네이비 색 the bag above the gray hoodie is navy color

찰랑이는 머릿결은 wavin' flag the fluttering hair is wavin' flag

그녀의 걸음걸이, 느낌 있게 her step has a feel to it

춤 추는 귀고리, 너의 귀 밑에 dancing earrings, under your ears

이 도시는 너에 비해 시시해 this city is boring compared to you

넌 시멘트에 색감을 이식해 you bring color into cement

회색 도시 속 그녀가 신은 민트색 Nike shoes the mint-colored Nike shoes she wore in the gray city

빽빽한 빌딩 틈 사이 그녀의 자유로운 Nike shoes her free Nike shoes among the closely-packed building gaps

바람을 건드리는 그녀의 Fixie 위 Nike shoes Nike shoes on her Fixie bike playing with the wind *Fixie is a popular brand of bicycle

Yeah, I like your Nike shoes. I wanna spend every night with you *choiza* 너는 좀 아는 것만 같아, 그 느낌 the feeling of knowing you a little, that feeling

조금은 수줍은 듯이 담백한 그 눈빛 that shy demeanor and innocent gaze

화장기 없는 피부 makeup-free skin

아침 해에 자연스레 그을린 naturally tanned in the morning sun

튤립처럼 아주 선명한 your lips your lips are as bright as tulips

그지? right? it's cheaper than Gucci

하지만 니 센스는 빛나 저 흔한 금붙이보다 더 but your sense shines more than that common gold piece

쳐다보기 눈부신 니 가는 발목이 your thin ankles are dazzling to look at

제대로 붙잡았어, 내 발목 you grabbed my ankle perfectly

잘못 했다간 갇히겠어, 너란 감옥에 if i make a mistake, i'll get locked up in the prison of you

은근하고 부드럽고 편해, 마치 잠옷의 soft and comfortable, just like pajamas

익숙함, 치명적인 친숙함이 날 네게로 자꾸 끌어당겨, 이 순간 right now, this familiar and fatal intimacy keeps making me want to pull myself towards you

넌 낯이 낮처럼 밝아서 낮이 어울려 you fit into the daytime because your face is as bright as the day *낯 is used for both daytime and face

좀 일찍 만나. 너와는 하루가 빨리 저물어 let's meet early, the day passes face when i'm with you

알지? 스니커에 스키니진 내게는 비키니 보다 더 섹시해 you know right? sneakers and skinny jeans are sexier to me than a bikini

it's killin' me

*beenzino* 회색 도시 속 그녀가 신은 민트색 Nike shoes the mint-colored Nike shoes she wore in the gray city

빽빽한 빌딩 틈 사이 그녀의 자유로운 Nike shoes her free Nike shoes among the closely-packed building gaps

바람을 건드리는 그녀의 Fixie 위 Nike shoes Nike shoes on her Fixie bike playing with the wind

Yeah, I like your Nike shoes. I wanna spend every night with you

*gaeko* Nike shoes, girl

니가 흘리는 치명적인 매력을 줏어 i pick up the fatal charm that you spread around

tight jean 아래로 떨어진 담백한 발목에 패션은 독특한 안목 below a tight jean is a skinny bright ankle, a unique eye for fashion

단발머리. 니 얇은 허리에 내 팔을 두루 두른 채로 서울 숲 거리를 short hair, my hands wrapped around your thin waist, walking around the streets of Seoul Forest Park

산책 아님 조깅해. Just do it walking or jogging, just do it

긴장을 대화로 이완해. Work my lips to it relaxing with conversation, work my lips to it

옅은 스모키 화장에 넌 Smokey Robinson을 the light smokey makeup, you're Smokey Robinson *Smokey Robinson is an American singer-songwriter

사랑하는 섹시한 취향에 난 고삐가 풀린 토끼 because of your sexy tastes that i love, i'm a rabbit unleashed from its reins

나는 고비를 몇 번이나 넘기는지 몰라 i don't know how many times i got over the crisis 난 너의 노비 i'm your slave 이 가시나는 아마 카시나를 자주 가는 것 같아. this girl probably visits Kasina* often *Kasina is a Korean online shopping website 참 간지가 나 that's pretty snazzy 이쁜 Nike 신발 벗고 운동할까? shall we take off our pretty Nike shoes and work out?* *what exercise doesn't need shoes? Sex.

땀 한 번 쭉 빼고 밥 먹으러 갈까? why not we sweat it all out in one go and then grab something to eat?

*beenzino* 회색 도시 속 그녀가 신은 민트색 Nike shoes the mint-colored Nike shoes she wore in the gray city

빽빽한 빌딩 틈 사이 그녀의 자유로운 Nike shoes her free Nike shoes among the closely-packed building gaps

바람을 건드리는 그녀의 Fixie 위 Nike shoes Nike shoes on her Fixie bike playing with the wind

Yeah, I like your Nike shoes. I wanna spend every night with you

햇살처럼 포근한 일요일 아침의 귓속말 a whisper in my ear on Sunday monday like warm sunshine

한강 위를 달릴 때는 뭐가 어울릴 수 있을까? what could be suitable for running alongside the Han River?

강바람에 질끈 감은 너의 눈썹의 곡선과 the curves of your eyebrows that are tightly wounded in the wind *Nike's logo looks like eyebrows

입술의 색처럼 독특한, 마치 광고에서 본 듯한 as unique as the color of the lips, as if seen in advertisements

너의 Nike shoes your Nike shoes