#I got my own trauma to deal with
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The What Color is Your Parachute mentality for finding a job gets particularly interesting when you learn that in Korean, parachute (낙하산, nak-ha-san) refers to the connections of people who flew in from the top (i.e. nepotism).
#Resume workshops are getting wild#I've become a therapist#I am not trained for this#I got my own trauma to deal with#If your resume gets you the interviews#then its job is done#resume building#what color is your parachute#it's not a meritocracy anymore#what used to be a two hour overhaul#is a six meeting therapy session#I have to believe that we don't need parachutes#but its getting harder#it feels bitter
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Prompt:
Arkham Knight Edition
Jason gets thrown into an alternate universe and finds his younger self being tortured in the asylum.
Things get… a little blurry after that.
When Jason comes back to himself he’s got a shaking kid clinging to him and a worrying amount of Joker parts strewn all over the floor, walls, and ceiling.
Seems like it’s going to be one of those days…
#Arkham knight#because I just managed to get my hands on a Funko pop copy of them MWAHAHAHA#my agenda to own all versions of Jason funko pops is THRIVING#prompts#Arkham verse jason doesn’t know who the stranger is but he killed joker and untied him#that’s good enough for him#he just hopes this isn’t some kind of trick and gems gonna get tortured again in a couple minutes#but that’s ok as long as he gets to hug someone just a little longer#OG jason is lowkey freaking the hell#out#reliving trauma isn’t fun#but also he’s got a tortured kid to deal with right now and that’s gotta take priority#and also the green is making a hard comeback upon seeing the J branded into Jay’s cheek#jason todd#batfamily#dick grayson#batfam#bruce wayne#robin#red hood#tim drake#batman#alternature universe#rescue#dimension travel#dimension hopping
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it's been pointed out on here before that a lot of terf arguments are actually rooted in sexist idealology that feminists fought and died to unnormalise decades ago and that's its own kettle of fish but one thing i also find very frustrating about this so called 'radical' feminism is that it's so... defeatist? like the moment you categorically label an entire section of society as Bad and Inherently Evil then there's also the implication that nothing can be done about it, and it completely takes all accountability away. saying all men are evil is just another way of saying boys will be boys. he raped her because he's a man. he hit her because he's a man. he didn't listen because he's a man - it's almost offensively oversimplified. there's no point trying to fix this issue in society because men are just Like That, okay! so now what? it's not like they're going anywhere, so you just accept that 50% of the population are evil and will forever treat you terribly and there's nothing to be done about it bc they're biologically predisposed to it? like is that fr the argument here? you're soooo radical for that
#this is coming from someone who used to very genuinely be a misandrist#ironically it was only when i started actually analysing my own feminism that i got MORE confrontational with men#and started respecting my boundaries a lot better BECAUSE i started holding them accountable again#like when men treat me like shit nowadays i dont just write it off as 'what did you expect? he's a man' i get MAD about it#because i EXPECT BETTER FROM THEM even if it's just tiny shit women have to deal with daily#i hold them to just as high a standard as im held to and i make them take accountability when they dont meet that#and whether you realise it or not even on a subconscious level the MOMENT you black-and-white blanket statement all men as bad#you stop holding them accountable.#like it is literally just boys will be boys. do terfs seriously not realise they're sending feminism BACKWARDS#like if a girl came to me with her trauma and people - other girls no less - tried to comfort her with 'yeah all men are evil'#id be fucking furious. like no he did that because he was a piece of shit that had it normalised to him that women arent to be respected#dont you dare let him off the hook with something as simple and uncritical as 'he's a man'#i promise you men like that will MUCH prefer a blanket statement such as 'all men are as bad as each other'#than actually being point blank told they're an abuser or a rapist. because being lumped together is comfortable and even empowering#wheras isolating their behaviour with words that are Bad and Ugly (LIKE 'rapist') is not comfortable at all and has heavy connotations#idk i dont think radical feminism is always bad on its own it can be v liberating. just terfs and misandrists that i have a problem with#dropping this post in a piranha tank and closing tumblr knowing im gonna have some thirty year old karen yelling at me within 5 mins#i probably wont respond to any terf comments bc they literally mentally exhaust me with their stupidity#but that also depends on my mood and ability to keep my mouth shut LMFAO we shall see
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We all know how a lot of Luffy's opponents have been in some ways premonitions of the type of person Luffy could end up as if something went wrong in his life. For example Moria is what Luffy could've become had he truly lost his entire crew at Sabaody if Kuma had not saved them
And we know Crocodile is what Luffy maybe could've become had Luffy given up on his dreams and become jaded after losing to him. But like, when you think about it, that's not the only dark reflection of Luffy in Crocodile, is it
'Cause Crocodile, despite employing people for Baroque Works, did not trust anyone around him and did not considder anyone to be anything else but an employee to him. And we know he had been planning on taking over Alabasta for like 14 years (at the very least), BW being a thing for only the past four (pre-timeskip)
So like. Did Crocodile spend the last 14 years alone
Like yes he had his workers at the Casino and Robin etc, so he was like, around people, he wasn't like Brook who was in Total Isolation. But on an emotional level, has he not spent the last 14 years all by himself, completely detached from anyone, unable to trust or rely on anyone else?
That is sad as fucking shit, holy hell
'Cause then you compare him to like Luffy and like
Our sweet baby boy was so afraid of being alone that Luffy literally went through hell just to gain Ace's approval despite Ace trying to signal to him he wasn't interested befriending him
And through out the whole series Luffy reiterates time and time again how he needs and wants his friends around because he literally can't live without them, both on a literal "he can't cook or navigate or have fun by himself" level but also on that emotional level
And Crocodile just. Spent 14 years of his life, if not longer, alone.
Sweet jesus what happened to this man
And that just makes me further wonder, what the absolute fuck were Crocodile's Rookie Pirate days like?? Like did he have a crew or was he just yolo'ing it by himself???
Like. Mihawk's never been on a crew as far as we know. Kuma was a Revolutionary, not a pirate, but he wasn't like alone still. Doflaming, Hancock, Jinbei and Moria however have/had crews of their own. So what was Crocodile's deal? Did he have a crew before? Was he a captain or was he on someone else's ship? (Although surely the Government wouldn't offer the position of a Shichibukai to a cabin boy or the first mate, right)
And if he did have a crew, the hell happened to them??
Like we know Crocodile got his ass kicked by Whitebeard, I just find it unlikely Whitebeard would've pulled a Kaidou on Crocodile's crew and slaughtered them, that's not a very Whitebeard-y thing do, right?? ...Unless Whitebeard was just different 20+ years ago and was willing to annihilate entire crews. We don't know. Or maybe Crocodile and his entire crew were like Turbo Rotten from the beginning and Whitebeard figured they deserved to get wiped out, much like how we saw Shanks wipe out Kid's crew at Elbaf. Or maybe Whitebeard saw no reason to have mercy on someone affiliated with the World Government.
That all said, if we wanted to assume Crocodile had somekind of trauma that lead to him viewing people not only as disposable but also untrustworthy, then maybe losing people dear to him like that wouldn't lead to that mindset. Like Moria witnessed his beloved crew die and that caused him to want to create a crew he couldn't die, so he wouldn't go through that emotional trauma again.
Which leaves me to wonder. If something caused him to lose his ability to (emotionally) trust people, and if Whitebeard broke his dreams... Maybe Crocodile had a crew. And maybe they abandoned him when he lost to Whitebeard. Figuring they didn't need a weak captain who was probably going to bleed to death anyways. Or maybe the crew tried to take his head (after Whitebeard kicked his ass), after all, he was already a Shichibukai, anybody who took Crocodile's head could maybe attempt to take that title for themselves if the Government allowed it, and if not, at least gain more fame for themselves.
Either of these scenarios would certainly result in you losing your ability to rely on others. And leave you willing to spend the rest of your life alone. Who would have in them to go through that again.
Or maybe he came out of the womb unable to trust people and he was just yolo'ing it by himself like Mihawk right from the begining, who knows
Regardless I'm just
#Moon posting#Sir Crocodile#OP Meta#Me @ Crocodile: Who hurt you#No fucking wonder Crocodile was absolutely deranged in Alabasta#Dude just spent like 14 years speaking to a wall by himself. Or maybe not who knows the walls could betray him too#This man has so much unresolved trauma#BTW if true this would also make Crocodile a dark reflection of Robin. Which is a different layer of sad on its own#Like. Both expecting the other to be the one to betray them. And in the end it's Robin who shot first.#Break week in the middle of Kuma Backstory. I am in pain.#When will our husband return from the war#I need to know what his deal is so bad. I must study him under a microscope#My derangement will not know end until then#There could've been a counterargument that Crocodile couldn't trust anyone lest his Utopia Plans got ruined#And to be fair if the Government had found out his plans would've been screwed. Shichibukai Rights REVOKED#But he still seems to carry those trust issues since Mihawk is on relatively thin ice it seems#So me thinks. This smells like trauma.#The real conclusion to this post is that the Crocodile x Daz shippers are RIGHT
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Yes, I threw fits when I was a kid.
No, I wasn’t in control.
No, you shouldn’t judge me for it.
Yes, I am aware you think I had the choice.
But surely you understand I didn’t really have one?
Surly you understand I was struggling?
That I’m still struggling?
That I always will be?
#neurodivergent#adhd#actually adhd#ocd#childhood memories#sorta vent in tags vv#I’m still dealing with the social consequences of that time period. People’s attitude towards me after those years#really damaged my mental health. Sometimes I think I’m not enough.#That my problems aren’t enough to say I was struggling. Then I look back… and yeah I can tell I was struggling#Idk wtf was going on because my adhd and ocd probably didn’t cause that. But I don’t show enough signs of autism to even#consider being diagnosed. Sometimes I wonder if I actually was in control. There was no trauma. No serious issues. Nothing.#Because I was running around like a maniac whenever I got upset. It stopped only after 3rd grade. With the help of a good teacher.#my so called “meltdowns” are probably internal now. I kinda s3lf h@rm and stuff when I don’t get my way now. When I’m seething in self#loathing because of something I did. You know. Normal behavior.#My life is a freaking mess. And it’s nobody’s fault. Except maybe my own? I don’t know. I always forget about that time period. Probably ca#se the teachers gave me a lot of bad memories during it. It wasn’t because of the teachers… but they certainly weren’t helping.#neurospicy#neurosparkly#actually ocd#neurodivergence#neurodiversity#I tell myself i didn’t have the choice though. I was young…#sorry for the vent
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Guess what time it is! GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS!!
RECENT FUCKING ART BABYYYY
This is Yumellia Hemont! Same universe as Eleanor and fun lesbian fact Yumellia is her partner in crime! <3 luv them
#im also so so shocked by how well i did on this#SHE LOOKS SO FUCKING GORGEOUS PLEASEEEE#QUEEN WORSHIP 🙇♀️#QUEEN WORSHIP!! 🙇♀️#i want to be eleanor now goddamn 😭🙏#why am i down bad for my own creation I LITERALLY MADE EVERY BIT OF HER.#thats exactly why i know what i want#MAGNIFICENTTTTT#small yumellia lore dump#she was an ordinary human detective who was tracking down Eleanor who was known as “The Beauty Ripper”#After elly basically trauma dumped to her she was like damn thats deep unlike anything else ive seen in my life alr bbygurl ill help you 😍#LMFAAOOO SGSHSH OKOK then they were partners in crime! until elly got caught and sentenced to electric chair death#and oopsie daisies she was actually stabbed in the neck by a vengeful police officer in charge of her and she died and went to...#Tasokare Hotel! THATS RIGHTTT tasohote ocs my belorveds#Yumellia hearing of this searched for Elly and even a way to bring her back but then heard of a way to reunite by bringing herself to Elly#So she made a deal with a hell creature#To be disguised as a hell creature so she can freely roam hell's depths and find Eleanor again and she does! in Tasokare Hotel!#Tasokare Hotel oc#praise queen shes so freaking pretty man#marshmeliaart#oc art#artists on tumblr#oc
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jingliu is a perfect example of "if this female character was male, shed be universally loved instead of heavily criticized"
#im not saying you cant criticize a character but its sooooo telling that she gets so much of it#“shes a hypoctite. shes too mean. shes too cold.” yeah uh huh but those kinds of traits are fine on ren okay got it#people saying her character design is basic like im sorry but star rail doesnt have very many ground breaking designs for anyone#and yet i only see people bringing up jinglius design. also saying shes too pretty and done up#like the men arent also conventionally attractive. *yes* hoyoverse is bad for unique female designs#buts lets not pretend its solely a jingliu problem. it was an issue before her#shes just another victim of the short dress exposed shoulders look. also her design is not in any way shape or form the worst female design#im not going to give my opinion on that here tho because its not important#im losing my train of thought so im just gonna say people wouldnt be handwringing over the prospect#of jing yuan having romantic feelings for her. in fact thered be droves and droves of girls shipping them if jingliu was a man#not to mention shipping her with ren if she was. and dan heng/feng#but shes not a man so shes being scruitinized and picked apart for any potential “flaws”#like theyre so transparent about it. like im sorry she was mean to ren/yingxing fucking forgive her for having complex feelings#about a messy complicated issue while shes dealing with her own#trauma and guilt and anger and everything else that wouldnt be a problem if she wasnt a female character#the hypocrisy of it all never ceases to astound#hsr
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very few 'parenting' things frustrate me more than parents who give their screaming kids an ipad, but I think "emotionally neglectful for 20 years and then wondering why their kid isn't thriving/adjusting to adulthood well, so they try to make up for it by being an overbearing helicopter parent" might take the cake.
#at least be consistent in your parenting style#ughhh#'oh no i neglected my kid for 20 years/was unstable (and still am!) and now they aren't thriving. surely it is the vieo gamez and not me'#i s2g if i break up with my partner their mother will be one of the reasons#the sucky thing is generational trauma hopefully gets distilled through each subsequent generation but it is the parents' job#to choose whether they are 1) financially ready and 2) emotionally ready to make that change and give their kids a better life#my grandpa grew up digging through trash for things to eat and decided when he had kids he would not be mean like his dad#and that they would have food on the table#my partner has literally said his mom 'just wanted a kid' and basically baby-trapped his dad#and she was like... in her mid-30s by this point#insane. insane. insane.#i understand baby fever and all that but at least make sure you are in a stable relationship first??#and also my partner's WHOLE FAMILY is like this#just... generation after generation of awful upbringings and kids rebelling and having kids too young and getting in bad relationships and#dealing with undiagnosed mental health disorders#maybe we should just break up at this point idk#delete later#i think i am freaking out because i got news about a possible health scare about one of my own family members so i'm spiraling#thanks for letting me vent. again#if my crap is too annoying PLEASE unfollow me#i don't keep a diary because i'm too immature to do that and thrive on others' validation and i am too broke for therapy#delete later maybe#i might keep this one up just so i can look back on it in a few weeks and be like 'girl u need meds' like hells yeah i do#a good thing that happened today is i avoided my urge to drink the half bottle of wine in the fridge#irish genes be gone from me today muahahaha
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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aftg is a series about running and trauma and regressing and healing and becoming the person you never thought you could be and learning how to live comfortably in your own skin again. it’s about committing to the bit and about being a major asshole who has found other assholes and formed a family with them and about several paragraph long iconic roasts and it is about HEALING. AND JEAN IS GETTING HIS TURN. GOD.
#I first read the books when I was in an abusive situation and got to go throigh Neil’s trauma as I was dealing with my own#and now for jean’s book about healing to come out when I am out of that space and have healed……… it is almost poetic. aftg is one of the#only books to have made me cry and I think tsc will be able to make me cry as well#I’m so curious to what Nora has planned. I’m deeply invested already and SO very obsessed. pour one out for USC Trojans#it’s their turn to find companionship and happiness and care. and I hope Jean gets better and regresses and then gets better again#I hope he THRIVES. I hope we get to see stickball lesbians i hope we get to meet more Trojans I hope Jeremy is just as brilliant as always#i hope there is sunlight inside the dorms. sunlight inside the court. sunlight shining on the face of a man kept in the dark#o7 aftg you mad mad series. I love you with all the love my loveless heart can have#cats.txt#aftg is also about the use of ableist slurs which. comes with the books! maybe it’s controversial of me but I don’t give a shit about the#use of cripple. if anything the INSTANT aggression and backlash to the usage warms my heart
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People need to treat systems better.
People need to treat trauma survivors better.
People need to treat disabled people better.
I don't fucking care about "no one's entitled to anyone's attention or company" anymore. If you walk away from someone having an episode, you're scum. If you ghost someone because they are chronically or terminally ill, you're a bad friend. If your only support of trauma survivors lies in bossing them around and holding them to standards of perfection or whatever you think a trauma survivor should "act like," you're NOT in the right.
If people on tumblr can make posts about having the decency to make eye contact with homeless people, and long, ranting posts about commenting on fanfictions that you like (which is the LEAST important thing in the fucking world, I'm not sorry), then they need to reckon with the fact that treating everyone in the exact same way is literally oppressive. It's ableist, it's sanist, it's oppression.
I cannot compromise my sleep schedule or dietary restrictions. I cannot sit in at one of your theatre shows. I cannot help that I literally can't remember your names and pronouns. I CANNOT compromise my boundaries relating to my trauma.
Someone who is a system cannot control their switches. They cannot control who is fronting. They cannot control how disoriented they are at any given time. You shouldn't just up and abandon someone who was having a grand mal seizure, so why would you think it's okay to do such a thing to any ill or neurodivergent person HAVING AN EPISODE? Or treating disabled, neurodivergent, or chronically ill people like their needs are "too much" or like they're bad people just because they can't keep up with YOUR standards of what makes a "good person"?
If people have unique needs, you need to assess and accept that if you're going to choose to be their friend. Don't expect them to grow out of it, amd don't make it out to be "their fault" for "never changing." You're the one who became their friend in the first place. You shouldn't have done that to begin with if they weren't good enough for you.
#fuck me dude i just got 6 hrs of sleep last night because i was up until 4am helping my brother deal with this EXACT THING#I'm fucking sick of screaming into the void about this and being met with silence#it happened in 2020 and it keeps happening.#some people have cluster b disorders. some schizospec people have bad memory blocks.#some ppl have psychotic episodes triggered by learning about anything outside of their direct experience.#some systems have a high social output/intake because they literally have 6 people in there with their own social meters.#some people switch at inconvenient times. some people have alters that annoy you. some people have meltdowns in front of you.#everyone has their limits. you don't have to stay with anyone. but at the same time it's a matter of decency.#treat everyone with humanity.#you don't get to act like you have any moral high ground if you're not patient and understanding when shit hits the fan.#vent#long post#disability#ableism#chronic illness#ptsd#cluster b#trauma survivor#did/osdd
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seems like my heart does nothing but break lately
#oh my god dont read the tags. it breaks for everyone :( but on a more personal level#for my gf whos sinking deeper into something n i cant even help bc im a wreck myself but i am so so scared to lose her#still havent even been able to book a psych appointment n i rlly dont know where to go with all these ..em*tions#Guys i rlly dont understand one thing. how come one random freak whos in ur life at some point can derail a whole person like eons later#jeopardise their whole future just by crossing some lines for funz i really dont understand this#not fair not fair at all this is evil#and becasue u got unlucky someone wanted to be disgusting u have to carry the consequences#i rly still cant even say it i still cant even write it#i dont even know how . irl the only perosn i told in some capacity#is dealing with her own trauma and i hate that jsut being understanding is not enoughlike#Wow Lmao Its just Funny How it Shapes You. & U Can Never bury it forever becuz it will always catch up to you😂😂😂😂😂😂#AND THE PAST CAN NEVER BE ERASED 😃😃😁😁😂😂😂🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔪🔪#at least my gf has been taking steps to deal with it for.3 yrs and i just never even#LOL i feel like such a coward but the sh*me and the g**lt associated with the Thing..r so overwhelming i cant even admit it#what would i even do at the psych appointment like straight up what am i gonna say Lol#hai iam here to process something i dont actually remember probably becasue i was a child but imnot sure. n id rather#kms than tell u how i know 😂. So thats also why my heart breaks. for that little girl who was a ball of shame i guess and no matter#how much i cognitively.like rationally know its not my fault the ball of shame n guilt is still there#n it swallows me every time i vaguely start 2 think about acknowledging the Th*ng#or whatever. And thats just my end of the deal but my gf has it worse genuinely bc she remembers everything n still has to see the freak#n it went on for yrs n her family doesnt know n heres the worst thing hes a beloved family member a sweet boy with struggles of his own#well i hope he walks into traffic for doing what he did to her
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#today i had a pianist during a rehearsal go “wow your voice you just have so much natural talent i mean some people really work for years—”#and i kinda snapped#and i was polite but also i unloaded the entire story of the last thirteen years in the cosmic joke that is my life#this lady got thirteen years of trauma in a twenty minute speed run#she Learned Things today about existential despair and the societal clusterfuck that is the Trans Experience#and how that intersects in the classical singing world in an incredibly challenging and fucked up way#and how i went from scooting under the door into a voice program with seven lessons under me#and then three years later proceeded to fling myself into a testosterone fueled vocal puberty in the midst of a professional singing degree#and lost the respect and support of most of the vocal and choir faculty because everyone thought i was committing professional suicide#if it werent for my own voice teacher (who at some point became the mother figure I'd never had) keeping me afloat i would not be here#i have c-ptsd from the shit i went through in the choir department#i had to drop out of school for a semester because my body just folded under the stress#i started getting migraines severe enough i was hospitalized twice with stroke-like symptoms#two weeks ago i had a former teacher from the early days deadname me in front of our colleagues#she tried to play it off as no big deal and it just reminded me no matter how successful i become in this field#no matter how much work i put in to overcome my past#its always going to come back and find me through people who refuse to learn respect#and somehow! im still here! im making a living in the field i trained for#how many people in my generation in the arts degree sector can say that?? by some metrics i am thriving but jesus goddamn#i clawed and fought and bit and dragged myself to where i am right now and had to find my voice TWICE and the worst part is#she meant well#the pianist i mean#and i was polite when i told my story but it was so important to me that she understood#no amount of talent would have gotten me here without sleepless nights and long hours and blood and sweat and tears and you know what#maybe i am a better person for it but dont compliment me by implying i have some inherent gift from a god i dont even believe in#dont tell me your god put me in this place to teach other people compassion#i didnt brush the door of death as many times as i did for the sake of someone else's enlightenment#its been a long 13 years. hell its been a long 2023. in the last eleven months ive had a fundamental upheaval#of everything i thought i knew and understood about myself#so yea im standing at the gate to hell looking the devil in the eye. try me bitch. ive endured worse.
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I love writers I love when they ramble on abt characters and their motivations, their core values and the reasons why they react to things in certain ways and having character interactions work off of each other due to their differing ways of viewing the world and in general I just love character analysis
#as someone who loves humans and human behaviours and figuring out why people react to things the ways that they do#uhhh I'm actually surprisingly really bad @ writing characters with those same traits 😅#unless it is smth I can connect to on some sort of level like a few of my characters have issues that I specifically relate to#thereforee I can understand the ways they act in certain circumstances#BUT when it comes to characters that are like almost entirely outside of my wavelength it's pretty hard for me to understand how they work#and it's pretty basic habits and behaviours I just fuckin lack them in general#like the concept of clinginess or abandoment issues or wanting to stay around people who treat you badly or jealousy or missing people#also love like I understand my type of love but my type of love isn't typical from what I've seen from others#even some of my own past issues like dealing with trauma have kinda been lost on me especially bcuz I'm the type to ignore stuff#like I just ignored it til it came back to bite me in the ass and had to just kinda struggle with it and go completely numb#until I got tired of feeling that way and pulled myself outta it step by step and my various negative ways of thinking elude me#since I just gradually built myself up and rearranged my brain so that all negative thinking eventually turns into dust#whether be positive or purely neutral until I'm able to handle it better#REGARDLESS I try to get a sense of what these other traits are like and how exactly they work for people but it is VERY difficult for me#bcuz the stuff is just such an alien emotion to me like people get REALLY emotional about things that simply aren't a problem for me#and I wish I could understand why and what goes on in the brain that causes that but my brain just doesn't work that way#SOOO me trying to make characters of typical issues I see people having DOESN'T really work when I have no idea what's going on#like IN GENERAL my characters need to have more emotion behind them but the emotions I need them to have are#like I said before. something I totally lack ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ so I have no idea how to do it#I mean I think I need like a check list I need to make a list of traits my characters have in general cuz I never write anything down#it'd be easier to figure it out if I had words to go along with it and then I could figure out the behaviours behind those words#plus I need to draw my characters cuz I'm very much a visual person I can't get as good of a feel without some visuals along with it
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iris is sooooo awesome she really traumatized phoenix into being an emotionally unavailable mess 🥰
#my personal reading of him is that saving edgeworth was just like a thing on the side to him#like yeas he wanted to save him but like.. law is hard + he is no prodigy. and edgeworth never replied to him#so it was more of a pipe dream to him#when iris came into his life he threw himself 100% into their relationship#bc he is. deranged like that#then 3-1 happens and it fucks him up soooo badly. and to cope he gives his 100% to edgeworth instead#bc edgeworth is like something unattainable to him. years of not getting a single reply means he wont be hurt by him#cuz how can u be hurt by someone who doesnt even speak to u?#mentally affix him to a pedestal so he doesnt have to emotionally deal w the betrayal from iris etc etc#then aa1 comes and hes insane about him. as everyone had seen#and then aa2 happens and hes 'betrayed' Again#cuz like honestly edgeworth hadnt betrayed him in aa2 he had a fucking meltdown. he doesnt really owe wright anything#but aa2 phoenix.... CRAZY ASS.... 'i wish you stayed dead!!'#cuz he has no healthy emotional regulation whatsoever. cuz he idealizes ppl as a way to cope w trauma and doesnt rly treat them like equals#he gets sense knocked into him by 2-4 tho. hes still nuts tho in 3-5 with how he never got over iris LOLLLLL#if he ever gets his shit together itll be thanks to trucy. but that deserves a whole post of its own#but yes iris is so awesomeness 🥰 TRAUMATIZE THAT BI MAN! 🫵
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*the madjik illusion faded. The lost soul was still there* ...I'm..."alive"? Did something happen? I can only see a red glow right now... *the red glow is frisk's soul by the way, they can see frisk and whatever is around their soul* I guess I still have unfinished business. Dunno if this is important but I can see now...just not much...
[I felt bad, so im gonna say the death was an illusion]
Frisk: "Thank goodness! I was considering throwing you a second funeral!"
Flowey: "...Yeah, I'm relieved too, just... if you're feeling like you're going to actually 'pass on', TELL US so we can take you to the backyard first,"
Flowey: "Wait, you couldn't see before, but you can see now? Perhaps talking about this is helping you somehow,"
Frisk: "The red glow is likely coming from my soul, and if you see a tiny little misshapen white glow, it's from Flowey's soul,"
Flowey: "I don't see how telling them about my soul is helpful to them, but whatever,"
Frisk: "If their sight is poor, they should know what they're looking at, and who knows, maybe they might recognize a monster's soul,"
#undertale ask blog#flowey ask blog#flowey#frisk#Lost Ghost help#Mun: I gotta be honest... something about writing/drawing my comfort characters reacting to the soul's death didn't feel good to me#I've got my own stupid personal trauma that I deal with and this particular thing hit me in the wrong way#so thank you for unkilling it#I was so ready to zoom past the whole thing and move on
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