#I get it for hour long programs but 20-30 minute long shows??? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pbandjesse · 20 days ago

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Today did not feel as horrible. I was able to not think about it as much and while it was still in the forefront of my mind I spent more time looking into actionable things and trying to learn what was the most important thing to focus on as we prepare for whatever the future holds. So it was a little easier to not cry all the time.

It also helps that I slept better. I was just so exhausted that it wasn't even really a problem to fall asleep. And I woke up this morning I was a little overheated but I was doing okay. My stomach hurts but I definitely felt more movement that I could possibly attribute to baby. Unclear still. It is so hard to tell. But I was at least in better spirits.

I was nervous about the field trip. I'm always nervous about the field trip. But I got to camp after James walked me to the car with my bag with my change of clothes for the museum. And it was fine. I listened to a podcast. There wasn't much traffic. It was a Nice morning.

I didn't go early like I had yesterday but there wasn't a lot of setup to do so it wasn't a huge deal. I got everything ready and then drove over to the lodge weeded for parents. But they weren't coming. For a really long time.

I don't know why schools go rogue. And just decide to make their own schedules and tell people whatever information they want. Like I get that this field trip has been done for a very long time at some of these teachers have been coming for forever. But we sent them a whole Google folder with all of the information and the schedule and all this and then they don't communicate. Because even though I told them to be there an hour before the children they told the parents to be there half an hour. So of course they didn't start showing up till 9:30. And so from 9:00 to 9:20 I talked to my dad on the phone. Which was really nice. It was nice to hear from him and hear about some of the progress he is attempting to make. And he also told me that my mom is doing pretty good and I am very proud of her for all her hard work in trying to get her health straight. But these parents did not come in a timely manner

which then makes walking them to each site and explaining all the materials super difficult because I have to kind of rush. And then I find out that the teacher had given them last year schedule where it was four groups instead of five. So then I didn't have parents for all the sites so I had to split up two of the parents It ended up being fine. And the mom that took over tools was great and so it was not a problem. But I was just very frustrated that this teacher just gave all different kinds of information to these groups.

And because they came a little late I was still showing three stations their stuff when I heard the bus. So I had to call Elizabeth and be like please go catch the bus and get them inside and I'll be over there soon. And it ended up being fine but I was like 10 minutes after they had already sat down wandering in. I like ran across the field. And I don't run. And in my state I also do not run extra hard. So I was mostly power walking but still.

And as always the group was wonderful so they made up for all their nonsense. The teacher was able to pivot to five groups pretty quickly and separate out some kids and there was only minimal meltdown when they found out they were different numbers and they were expecting. And I did my intro and then they were off.

And then as soon as they were out into the world one of the teachers approached me and is like oh and we need to leave at 1:30. A full half an hour earlier than is what's on my schedule. So I had to quickly do a whole bunch of math to figure out how to make all the programs smaller. Which led to some 20 minute programs and some 25 minute programs. And then I had to run around to every single site to write all of the new schedule times on the parents schedules. And of course I messed them up a little bit. But it was fine. And I was a little out of breath but I was doing okay. Even though I was sweating.

I ended up sitting on the same downed tree that I've been sitting on for the last couple field trips. It's kind of central and I can see almost all of the stations and if anyone needs something they know where I am. And I just worked on my knitting and it was a good time. I would get two squares done while at camp and then later in the day three more while I was at the museum. A very productive day.

I would walk around to the sites and check on the groups and the parents were doing great so I didn't need to step in or worry too much. I checked on the two teachers as well and everyone seemed really happy. And the kids seem to be having a very good time. A couple of them said this was the best field trip and that always makes me feel good. And it was a beautiful day. Still very concerning for November. But a beautiful day nonetheless.

And honestly them being done at 1:30 worked out because then I could leave at 2:30 like I wanted to to get to the museum and not be horrendously late. I had planned on getting there at 3:30 with Jesse and it was going to work out. Excellent.

at the end of the field trip I did a quick closing and then got them on the bus so that they were on their way at 1:30. And they mostly cleaned up. They were really interested in the artifacts I had laid out on the table that I sometimes have time to get to but I didn't today. So they were excited to touch the mink pelt that I have. Which I just always tell them is a weasel. And once they were gone I texted Sarah and she said she would be over soon to help me clean up.

I cleaned the bathrooms and started put the chairs away when she came over and we got all the tables cleaned and put away and I started sweeping and then we finished that together. And I had to go and check all the sites before I left and figure out where the last two walkies were. And thankfully I found them. I always get very stressed when I don't have all seven of my walkies that I started with at the end of the day. But we found it and I stopped in the office to plug those in and chat with Heather and Alexi for a moment made sure that I knew what was expected for the next field trip with Elizabeth. There's only one more field trip this month and it's not until the 21st so I have all next week to do nothing and that's probably for the best. I have other stuff going on.

When I got in the car I had two Capri Suns and an applesauce and was checking the GPS and it was going to take me approximately 50 minutes to get to the museum. Traffic and everything. But it was fine. It would still put me there at like 3:25. So I start driving and it's a perfectly fine drive and I'm enjoying my podcast and it's beautiful day

And then I am about 10 minutes from the museum. Right at the end of 83. Exit 3. Which is closed. When I all of a sudden hear the sound. Because I had run over a huge bolt of some kind. And I had a flat tire immediately. And it was really scary. I have never gotten a flat tire on the highway by myself before. I've gotten a flat with James when we were driving to Philly that one time. But I have never been alone and I have never been on the highway. So I pulled into exit 3 because it's closed right now so there's a bunch of cones and I thought would make me visible. And I tried not to panic. I tried to be as calm as possible.

I called James three times and they did not pick up and I was very upset and so I texted them real quick in case they were in a meeting and they could just look down. And then I called Jesse. Because I was supposed to be there in like 20 minutes so I needed to let him know but also he was in the building and could go find James.

And that ended up being a very smart way to approach this because they were able to find James very quickly and James called me right away and then sent me the AAA information. I was getting a little freaked out in the car because every time someone drove past me the car shook because people drive way too fast on 83. And eventually I was able to pull up just a little bit more and it didn't happen so often. But I still hated being under the bridge on the highway. It was scary.

The AAA lady was really nice though. And she put me down as a priority because I was on an interstate and they had someone out to me within a half an hour. Which the last time we called AAA when we were at the apartment it took almost two and a half hours for them to catch to us because it was on our street but I really appreciated how quickly she got someone and they send you a little link where you can watch the truck driver on the map so you know where they are and it gives you a ETA. So that made me feel a little more comfortable just knowing that someone was in fact coming.

I did eventually get out of the car so I can move everything from the trunk for the market into the back seat so that we could get to the spare easier. And that did make everything a lot faster when the very nice man came to change the tire. His name was Harry. And he was very kind.

It was entirely too loud on the highway for us to like chat but he told me he could see the nail but then when we took the tire off it had like edges so we're pretty sure it's a bolt but it's pretty gnarly. And he has to buy was close to home and I said yes but I'm actually going to work and I would go slow because the spare has a 45 mile per hour limit. I thanked him for being so nice and quick and that I had been so scared because this is my first time with this happening. And then he said I was all good and to get the tire fixed ASAP.

I texted James to let them know that I was done and I would be at the museum soon. And I got over there by 4:30. It was not as late as I had feared when this had all started.

And Jesse of course was super chill and cool. James walked with me up to the education office so that I could use the nice single stall bathroom to get changed and clean up a little bit. And I felt a lot better once I did that. And then it was just checking with the caters and the event organizers and it would be a really lovely evening.

James left and I talked to Blue and Jesse. Blue is the security guard we have right now because apparently there was more security guard drama because one got fired and then another one quit because they were made to feel uncomfortable by someone. And Blue used to be our security guard but is now a supervisor and he's a really nice guy but he has to work 16-hour days if he comes to our museum because they have him at another site earlier in the day. I hope they have a new replacement soon because we have to have a good security guard.

And it was a really nice night. Everyone was really nice and it was an event for economics and like housing and everyone was just super kind and just so happy to be there after how depressed we all were yesterday it felt like an actionable evening.

And because everything was super chill I was mostly able to just stay at the desk and it and eat my sandwich that I brought with me and I had some of the hors d'oeuvres. But mostly I just played around on TikTok and knit and chatted.

I would make some rounds and make sure that everything was what the organizer was hoping for and nobody needed anything. I really like feeling like I'm very confident in my job and I think that I am getting to that point in this role and that's really nice. And then people look at me and ask me questions and I can tell them the answer and feel confident in that answer.

at the end of the night as people were leaving I was knitting and people came over and asked me about it and was able to show them the project and then like 10 people were around the desk asking me questions about my art and I got to show them my stickers and talk about my other projects and just all the good stuff that's going on and it was just nice to share some positive stuff and feel like things were okay and the people around us were good.

We cleaned up and got everything reset and me and blue walk down the building. I got some hugs from the catering staff which was super cute and then it was time to go home. And that's where I am now.

I am very ready to rest. Me and James are discussing how we will get the tire fixed tomorrow. Hopefully it doesn't take absolutely forever. Sometimes it's really rough dealing with the dealership.

But now it is time for rest. I hope you are all feeling a little stronger. A little like you are ready for tomorrow. I love you all. Goodnight!!

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apexart-journal · 9 months ago

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Sonia Paulino Love Outbound to Montevideo, Day 19

Wednesday: The day began with a morning meet-and-greet with Laura Rocha, Communications professor at Universidad Catholica with a Master's in Creative Writing for Film, TV, and Transmedia. She gave me a tour of common areas, we passed by Javier's desk to say hi, then sat for a chat in the cafeteria garden with our coffees. It was lovely. Topics of conversation included: modern methods of communication and subliminal propaganda, teaching in our digital age, TikTok and the kids'/students'/chiquilins' (chickadees'?) innate savvy with graphics and photography, mothers and nurturing, and the impact of documentary work.

It's another HOT one with MORE SUN. From the university, Valentina kindly drove me to Centro Educativo Los Tréboles which provides educational services to children and teens from disenfranchised neighborhoods. The teens were out on a field trip to the beach, so my 5 hours of volunteer work involved tending to forty or so 5-7 year olds. I helped guide them through a relay of water games, watched over them as they ran and played for what seemed like forever in a HOT, SUNNY field, helped serve them cups of fruit salad as a snack and, later, pre-dinner of rice cooked with mixed vegetables. There were some minor skirmishes, but the kids seemed otherwise well behaved. That is except for one kid acted out while we were in the meditative woodsy patch by proclaiming “La Virgen no existe!” and proceeded to slap the Virgin Mary sculpture in the face. I didn’t feel it was my place to discipline and, to be honest, thought it as amusing as it was appalling, but was relieved when the supervising staff member said “No! Why are you doing that?” and gently pulled him away. While waiting outside for some of their parents who were meeting about a 2-night camping trip they were going to go on, I suddenly had kids crawling all over me asking me how to say things in English like Papa Noel and papas fritas. Do people sing and dance where you are from? Do you have an iPhone? I pulled out the apexart Motorola to show them where Montevideo and New York are on Google maps. Is that the water? Where is the sky? Did you fly on an airplane? One little boy had graying front teeth and Juan, the staff member who guided me, asked him if he was sure he was brushing everyday. “Si!”

Afterwards, Juan kindly drove me to the next activity, "La Voz del Cuerpo". It was a singing class heavy on theory and light on formal training. Myself and about ten other women sat in a circle on the floor and were encouraged to activate the potential of our own unique voices. Our first exercise was to follow an empowering a cappella everyone but me was familiar with called "Reverderser" by Perotá Chingó. For the final 30 minutes of a two hour course, we stood and sang two songs: The Beatles' "Let it Be", and Shakira's "Moscas en la Casa". It was a long day.

Thursday: Some down time light schedule happy to be indoors

Zoom with Mvelo, apexart inbound fellow from South Africa. Our experiences are polar opposites. north/south fast/slow hot/cold

Therapist. We talk about the week. The heat wave has broken and the sun's beatings have made way for a heavy dose of humidity. Still HOT. I'm 90% sure I spot the truck and driver who hit me. It's the same day of the week but maybe 20 minutes later than the accident, on a different street, and they're making a left turn this time from the opposite direction. There is a different assistant in the passenger seat. The driver looks to be concentrating on his driving.

Gym workout feeling an endorphins boost peacocks in a park nearby.

Friday: Cooler weather! There's talk of rain.

Journaling

Meeting with Nia apexart program coordinator. We also talked about the week.

Quick just-in-case groceries get in gear for final week Out tomorrow and assuming busy Sunday Not sure what businesses will be open Mon-Tues on account of the 4-day weekend during Carnival that is also called Carnival

Journaling

Ramping up to go out tonight. The Llamadas Parade is said to be the highlight of Carnival and features candome drums drums drums!

#Sonia Love #Outbound to Montevideo

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lotusloveslotus · 1 year ago

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as someone who's not Jerma-sized and has been streaming primarily full-time for almost five years I gotta dispute this and add some additional information — especially because I used to preach it constantly (more on that later)

it's true that for the majority of Twitch's life cycle ad revenue has meant nothing unless you have hundreds or even thousands of viewers. that's because the ad share across creators was a fixed rate per 1,000 views. although it was a fixed rate, it naturally varied throughout the year, as ad providers generally spend more money at some times of year (like Christmas) than others. but, a pretty massive change was made for all earning creators in August of 2022 with the Ads Incentive Program, which OP alluded to. it was an okay option at launch but has since been improved to the current version, which is basically:

if a streamer runs 3 minutes of ads every 60 minutes (1 hour), their revenue share on ads goes from the fixed rate per 1,000 views to 55% on all ads watched on their channel, less fees. additionally, keeping up the 3/60 ratio of ads removes all pre-roll ads on the stream for an hour. so, if you keep at this pace, you never get pre-roll ads again

here are some real-life numbers, directly from me: I am statistically a much, much larger than average streamer, but I am not a big streamer by any means. despite streaming for a long time, trying hard, and imo putting on some pretty good shows, I cap out at around 20 average viewers, more often sitting in the 13-15 range. on good days, like when I'm doing charity streams as part of a big team, I can easily eclipse that and hit 30-40. there has never been a time where my stream could pay more than a small fraction of rent in any city; I might be able to afford groceries for just me. that gets worse when you consider the amount I have had and still have to spend on video games and equipment. I'm extremely lucky that I've never needed my stream to cover these expenses, and I stream primarily because I love to. based on every conversation I've ever had with my fellow creators, stream team members, and random data I see on occasion, I understand my earnings to be pretty average — even on the higher side — for someone of my size

SO it's really important to note that when the Ads Incentive Program hit in August of 2022 I hopped on board because I had just lost my job, and ads immediately grew to make up about 20% of my total earnings on Twitch for six months straight. that's not a small number. that's the difference between $160 and $200, for example

there's a huge "ymmv" sign to tack on here because I think that my community is extremely generous, and always has been because I'm a relatively niche creator. I told them I had just lost my job, explained the changes to ad revenue, and kindly asked them to leave the stream on while ads were running if they could. I set a timer so I could warn everyone a minute or two before ads started, and stop the action of whatever game I was playing accordingly. I started taking more breaks, which I'd never really been incentivized to do. the lack of pre-rolls made raids much more effective and exciting, since I didn't have to awkwardly sit around until they get let out of their ad. overall, I found the revenue increase to be worth it, and a few of the changes it brought were positive

obviously Twitch could've just... done this at any time for any reason. it didn't have to be 3/60, it could've just been a sweeping change, I don't wanna act like Twitch is being so nice here. but I do think it's a pretty positive change even for smaller streamers, if their community is willing to deal with it. which they should be, because...

it's free. that's the main one. you can go get a drink or use the restroom just like the streamer should be. you can mute the stream and play on your phone. you can listen to a song. you can stare at the wall. it's 3 minutes. personally, the majority of my regular viewers actually don't have the money to spare to give me that $1-5 tip every month (and for some of them, ever). part of the draw of sites like Twitch and YouTube is that they provide effectively limitless free entertainment for anyone with a half-decent internet connection

look, like, I'm not out of touch with reality here. I know all these companies want to make as much money as possible, I know they're chasing the number going up forever and ever and ever. I know. but there's a reason the internet is famously free, and it's in large part because of ads. you either pay for a subscription or you watch ads; maybe I'm becoming a boomer at the decrepit age of 24, but to me, that seems like a pretty fair deal. I have an ad blocker and an automatic cookie deleter and all that, but I disable them when visiting smaller websites and streamers, especially if I know they're part of the Ads Incentive Program. now I know from firsthand experience that it adds up — it really, really adds up, and it's worth the mild annoyance to me to support them

that won't be true of many viewers — maybe even most of them — but personally I think that's on the viewers, not the streamers. it's an annoying system to work in because ads are annoying, but I genuinely hate that this is where we are. there's a huge stigma nowadays on ads and I don't think creators should get this weird tacit shame for running them or asking people to watch them. I think it's probably true that no one would run ads if they didn't have to, but frankly I don't like that that's where we are. I'd rather live in an ecosystem where I can watch an ad for Doritos or get banners for Etsy or whatever and know that my eyeballs directly contribute to the livelihoods of my favorite people on the internet, instead of where we are, where I either have to spend quite a lot of money every month across the many creators I watch to hope they can scrape by, or they work for free, forever. I no longer find it righteous to use adblockers as I once did

I understand where OP or anyone else saying this is coming from, but I do think we need to shift our collective mindset a bit and recognize that labor and entertainment is not and should not be free, especially from small, grassroots creators — even if they're working on or with the biggest websites in the world

For the record, im pretty sure I speak for 90% of twitch streamlettes when I say: always use an ad blocker. No matter what.

Like, you’re not stealing from the creator if you do. Unless a streamer is Jerma Sized, ads will provide about five cents a month; twitch has routinely attempted to push ads with “incentive programs” that go nowhere and alienate audiences.

If you want to support a creator, find out where they can be supported- a single 5 dollar donation when you can afford it will literally do more for them than anything twitch or YouTube “provides” via ads ✅

#twitch #streamer #streaming #hm this wasn't supposed to be so long #but it's better to be thorough I suppose #besides when have I ever been concise

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kiscon · 2 years ago

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Progress Report #9 – Registration closing

Dear K/S friends,

KiScon 2022 is upon us! In 48 hours the first panel will kick off a weekend of fun and excitement! This is the last newsletter before the convention.

1. Last Call for Registration:

We've sent out the Con Book (a 62 pages long program booklet with tons of tech info, the schedule, the auction catalogue, details on the art show, and more) to all registered attendees by email yesterday. If you are a member but have not received this message, please check your spam folder or let us know immediately. We would not want you to miss out on important info for the convention.

You can also view and download the final schedule (pdf) here. In order to be admitted to the Zoom panels and vid shows linked on the schedule, you need to be a registered attendee!

If you have not yet registered but want to join us, please go to Conline and register now. We will close Registration tonight, 2 November, at 11:59 p.m. EDT. If you need help with your registration, please get in touch immediately: concom @ kiscon . org

A membership (for only USD 20!) gets you not only access to our panels and vid shows, but also to the silent auction. There are over 65 items (most of it artwork, but also several collectibles) waiting for you, among them many beautiful Shelley Butler prints, and even originals by Chris Soto.

You also get a con bag filled with digital goodies, among them the con zine.

We also have a few scholarships left, if financial considerations are holding you back. No questions asked, just tell us you want to claim one of the scholarships. Send a message to: larissa @ kiscon . org

2. Upcoming KiScon Office Hours:

For all your questions regarding KiScon – be it about Registration or Conline, Discord or Zoom, or anything else that you would like us to explain or help you with. Our wonderful StarshipLillian will sit in our virtual office during these time slots and happily welcome visitors. Pop in spontaneously by joining this Zoom room and say hello. Of course you can also get in touch with us anytime before or during the convention if you are in need of technical support or have any kind of concerns: concom @ kiscon . org 3. Reminder: There's a Cosplay Competition at KiScon Show off your cosplay live in our Zoom meeting on Saturday (5:30 p.m. EDT)! Alternatively, post pics or videos of your cosplay in the #cosplay-competition channel on Discord (you’ll find it among the Saturday panels), and we will browse this gallery together during the meeting to include you in this virtual cosplay parade. Rules for the competition:

One entry per person. So don’t post pics in the channel of five different cosplays you made, but focus on one. If this were an in-person con, you could only wear one costume at a time too. Feel free to show up in various cosplays all throughout the weekend, but for the competition only one will count. Your cosplay can be sewn by yourself, tailor-made, or bought – the important point is how you transform into the character of your choice. It must be a costume of sorts; Trek T-shirts do not count for this competition. (But we love to see them during other Zoom panels.)

If you post pics or videos of your cosplay instead of presenting it live on Zoom, please only submit recent pics ( = from 2022). While we all love the Horta costume or Spock’s space suit you wore to a con in 2010, it would not be eligible for the competition in 2022.

We will determine the winners (1st, 2nd, and 3rd place) at the end of the session via Zoom poll.

4. The Very Last Call: Cake? Cake? I can haz cake? We have only received one entry for the cake contest so far. And while this one is a most gorgeous cake, we are hungry for more. We still accept last-minute entries for our (cup)cake contest! Should a sudden craving for cake happen today or tomorrow, turn it into art by decorating the cake in K/S style and send us pics: cakecontest @ kiscon . org This contest is meant to be fun, and we do not expect anyone to become a pâtissier for it. Do something wild and wacky with buttercream! Write something on a plain cake that Kirk would write for Spock! Make it all about colours and symbols! Or shape marzipan dicks and put them on a store-bought cupcake. It's a win-win situation: you make us laugh or go awwww! while also having an excuse to indulge in a sweet delight. 5. Last but not least, technology: In preparation for the convention, please make sure that your Zoom app is up-to-date, and that your mic and camera are working as they should. Check whether you can log into your Conline account and have a look at your profile there: is your timezone set up correctly? Are you using the correct (fannish) name on Conline? The schedule on Conline is displayed in our main con time = Eastern / New York, but you can click on any of the times and a little box will appear next to it to tell you what time that is in your timezone. If you encounter any problems while trying to log in or edit your profile, please let us know immediately so that we can help you before the start of the actual con weekend. 6. Where to find KiScon information & announcements: Official website KiScon Discord server Tumblr blog Twitter Conline Facebook Group Dreamwidth Past newsletters: KiScon Announcement (February 2022) Progress Report #1 (March 2022) Progress Report #2 (May 2022) Progress Report #3 (June 2022) Progress Report #4 (July 2022) Progress Report #5 incl. Program Survey (September 2022) Progress Report #6 (October 1st, 2022) Progress Report #7 (October 11th, 2022) Progress Report #8 (October 16th, 2022) Yours in K/S,

T’Lara on behalf of the KiScon concom

#kiscon2022 #kiscon 2022 #spirk #k/s #space husbands #star trek conventions #star trek: tos #star trek aos

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aeonmagnus · 3 years ago

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Happy 20th Anniversary Robots In Disguise!

This year, and today in particular, marks the 20-year anniversary of Transformers Robots in Disguise airing in the United States. This was the official English language dub of the Japanese show Transformers Car Robots, which aired in Japan the year before. This show and it’s accompanying toy line were a big shift in the Transformers brand and affected how things moved forward in the new millennium. It was also a big influence on me and this website in it’s early years, so both the brand and TFW2005 may not be what it is today without it.

We hope you will read on after the break to check out our celebration of Robots in Disguise on it’s 20th!

Intro

The following is not a comprehensive article on the show proper, but rather a trip down memory lane from my personal perspective. It was a period of change in my life, in the fandom, in the brand, and in the world – all happening at once. Robots in Disguise was smack dab in the middle of it all and I think that’s why it still resonates with me all these years later. For a deeper dive into the world of Robots In Disguise you can check RIDForever.info, a site I maintain just about RID and Car Robots. The 2021 updates are here, and the 2017 round of updates are here. I’d also suggest checking the TFWe issue all about RID over on the 2005 Boards. Now, onto today’s festivities…

The Show

RID, and yes I say RID as if it is the only RID. If you must reference that other RID show and it’s off-shoots, refer to it as RID 201x, thanks. 😊 RID aired during the Fox Kids programming block on a Saturday morning, with additional episodes set to air each weekday during the afternoon hours. Instead of stretching the show out over the course of 30+ weeks with only a new ep each weekend, they were going to blaze through it non-stop. By the end of the first week, we would have been 7 eps in. That however hit a big roadblock due to 9/11 just three days later. While some local markets did air the episodes, many larger city networks, and especially east coast markets, stuck with news coverage. Many of us did not catch the early episodes on TV the first go around. In addition, several of the episodes got pulled from TV due to depictions of buildings being destroyed and other similar visuals which understandably could upset children that just experienced 9/11. So right off the bat, the new millennium and new era of Transformers were dealing with a new reality.

The show, for those that don’t know – was a weird one-off in Transformers history. We had G1 and then the G2 remixes for a bit. Beast Wars came on the scene and ran all the way through 2000 with it’s successor – Beast Machines. During the Beast Wars era – Japan did a couple of their own Beast Wars shows, non-CGI extensions of what we saw in the US. Their market wasn’t quite ready for full CGI so they stuck with traditional anime. When Hasbro decided to continue Beast Wars into Beast Machines, Takara went a completely different way – a traditional animated show which brought back Autobots and “Decepticons”, mixing them in with the beasts. They focused the toys on a couple new and complex molds, then filled the rest of the line with repaints of previous toys. Old 2nd tier Beast Wars toys, G2 Laser Prime, and even some Generation 1 molds in the form of the Combaticons got new life as new characters in this show, capped with the biggest TF of them all at the time – a repainted G1 Fortress Maximus, now Brave Maximus. It was the prototype for what the Transformers brand did for years to come – repainting old toys into new characters. Universe, Classics, Botcon, and even some Generations runs used this method to give us some great toys in the 00s.

While there is a very complicated and long explanation for how every single Japanese show is one continuity, to someone casually starting with Car Robots it was a refresh, a new story, a new arrival on Earth. The Autobots vs the Predacons, and eventually the Combatrons/Decepticons. It was a hard cut from the last 5 years or so of CGI Beasts. Hand drawn traditional animation featuring vehicle Transformers. It wasn’t G1, but many of the folks who grew up with G1 were just getting out of college around this time. They were rediscovering their childhood love of Transformers through Beast Wars, flea market finds, raids on their parents’ attics and basements, and for the internet savvy – imports of Japanese reissues from Takara. It was a perfect storm of nostalgia; a return to Autobots and Decepticons was welcomed by kids and adults alike.

RID and TFW2005

In the years leading up to Car Robots, I was just getting into the internet, coding, design, some digital music, and all the possibility that came with it. Beast Wars, especially when it hit Season 2/3 and the inclusion of G1 lore, really got me focusing on Transformers again as a hobby. I eventually combined the two newfound hobbies into one and Transformer World 2005 was born. At no point did I ever think it would last 20+ years and take over my life in the way it did. I started the full version of TFW2005 around April 2000, with some starts and stops before that. That was right around when Car Robots started airing in Japan. Through the magic of 56k internet, I was able to connect with folks in Japan and get them to send me VHS tapes of Car Robots. Really nice, high-quality tapes too, I still have them hehe. To the younglings reading – try to picture this: no youtube, no video sharing. The concept of streaming anything did not exist yet. Napster and the eventual peer to peer stuff hadn’t fully kicked off. Plus, we were all viewing the internet on giant computers in our rooms at the speed of 1x on your phone. Less than 1 bar 3G mobile speeds today.

Yes, someone recorded episodes from TV to video tape over there, did that a couple weeks at a time, then physically mailed them across the world to me, who then got them on the internet. Can you imagine waiting weeks to watch an episode of TV the size of a twitter profile avatar? Crazy. Uploading a full episode to the internet was a big pain in the ass, not easily done. I decided to get a converter that allowed me to plug my VCR into the computer and encode the tape into digital format. From there, it was reduced using Microsoft’s WMV technology so that the episodes were about 5 MB each. 30 minute episodes at 5MB each. Dimensions – 176 x 144 pixels. 4k video today – 3840 x 2160 pixels. You can imagine that video looked like crap. But we didn’t care – we were blown away. Old school animation, vehicles, some cool Japanese anime vibes, it was what we as G1 fans kinda had in the back of our heads on what Transformers should be in a new era, and we were seeing it. Most of us had no clue what they were saying or what was going on. Also didn’t care. I still to this day think CR/RID is better like that.

So one of the first things TFW2005 did on the internet was provide these super small windows into Car Robots and what was going on in Japan. It helped get US fans hyped up for what Transformers could be. It got us wanting the toys, and importers bringing the Takara toy line over were moving serious product. It helped swing Hasbro, who was planning to return to Autobots and Decepticons again down the road, to move that schedule up. Instead of running Beast Machines until 2002 and then starting what we now know as the Unicron Trilogy, it was cut short. Robots in Disguise as a toy line and show came over in 2001, ran fast and hard for a year with non stop releases, got extended because it did so well, and then faded into the Universe line of repaints. The new millennium of Transformers was here and Robot In Disguise kicked it off with a bang.

Wrap Up

As we all continue with collecting Transformers now, regardless if you tagged into the fandom during G1, Beasties, the Unicron Trilogy, the Movies, or just yesterday – let’s take the time to give Car Robots and RID some props! It set the tone for what the new millennium of the brand would be. It gave us some toys ahead of their time. It solidified the repaint as an accepted thing in the hobby. And it gave us one crazy 39 episode run of TV that’s still a fun ride 20 years later.

For those that would like to learn more about RID and Car Robots – I still maintain a Robots in Disguise website that archives everything I have or came across. There is a lot there if you want to go on a tour of all the awesome Car Robots and Robots In Disguise era stuff. Check it out at RIDFOREVER.INFO! FIYAH!

Let us know what you think and remember from the good old days of RID on the 2005 Boards here!

Epilogue

If someone over there at Hasbro is reading – can someone please figure out who owns the rights to the show in the US market and then get it out on DVD in full, finally? Work all that funky licensing stuff out (if there is any) and get it done. The US has never had access to it via an official release. Maybe get it up on YouTube like G1? Something. Announcing plans for that before the end of 2021 would be a nice 20th anniversary tribute.

#Transformers #Transformers: Robots in Disguise #20th Anniversary #Robots in Disguise #Optimus Prime #Megatron #Car Robots #Transformers: Car Robots

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theboxfort · 3 years ago

Note

11, 13, 15, 17, and 20

11. show us the last thing you drew, be it a finished piece or a small doodle

I am not immune to Fuecoco

13. how long do you usually take on a piece

It varies a LOT. It could literally take anywhere from 20 minutes to 2+ months depending on my motivation and my uni workload

On average tho, doodles and shitposts takes around 10-30 minutes, and full pieces (with backgrounds and stuff) would take around 6-16 hours I think? I never timed myself and I get distracted very easily

15. if digital, what program do you use

Medibang Paint!

17. what do you love getting compliments about

"ALSKJGALSJDLFJASDF" and "omfg" kind of comments are the BEST

20. a piece from this year that you're really proud of

Definitely this one I drew for @hoodies-n-cola for Christmas/New years!

I know that anon didn't ask for 9 but I wanted to show it anyways LASJGLAJSDF, this is the thumbnail for the Dan and Pink piece

#pink posts #pink draws #i guess???#thanks for the ask! :D

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eclipticasolaris · 2 years ago

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So this reminds me of one of my teachers in high school who did something similar. It wasn’t a repetitive thing, but it was nose specific incident.

For context: my school district had this thing called the Academy program. Basically, a series of more specialized and career oriented classrooms with more professional equipment. Pro TV production, Professional Photography, Musical theater, fashion design, music composition, and less common language classes ere a few that I remember being on the list.

One or two of the schools with extra space for these facilities offered the classes in one or two specific time slots, and a handful of students from each school would get on a school bus and ride to that school every day for that specific class slot.

I was in the TV production class, and it became Very apparent Very quickly that the logistics of all the students leaving their schools at the some time led to them arriving at very different times at the academy. So for this two-hour class every day, I’d arrive to m generally the first 10 minutes, since my school was the very next one over, and then sit and eat my lunch while all the other kids filtered in over the next 20 minutes, and the teacher couldn’t really start class until 30 minutes in most days.

The second year I took this class, we had a new instructor, Mr B. He progressed through the first four stages of grief pretty quickly, and by mid-October had landed on acceptance. So we were doing catch ups, showing off examples of video techniques that were covered previously, asking niche questions that weren’t in the curriculum, betting on which of the last two busses would arrive first, or catching up on homework/lunch. This one day, Mr B had his feet up on the desk with all the rest of us(minus the last bus, which was extra-late this time) and since it was the last day before a long weekend, we weren’t in any rush to start the class, and so he decided to single out each and every of the 15-ish of us and describe how he thought each of us would behave during The Purge.

Now there were only two other girls in this class, and because shenanigans with the scheduling, one of them only showed up every other day, it was mostly just myself, and this other girl, whom we’ll call Maddie.

Maddie was…. Well high-strung is not the right word, she was pretty chill, but she startled VERY easily. Having an inflatable T-Rex posed right around the corner at the end of the long narrow corridor we had to walk through to get to the classroom, and having the T-Rex occasionally swapped out with a half-naked mannequin, didn’t help much.

So Mr B goes around starting with the boys, the one special effects whiz was obviously gonna be hacking into government databases, the skater boy was gonna be stealing vehicles and joyriding around, the one who was especially proficient at using the Gimble and the Drone for cool shots would be taking blackmail pictures of people, and then a whole bunch of others on what specific weapons they would be using.

Mr B then turned to Maddie and goes “now Maddie, she’s gonna be totally caught off guard by the sirens, gonna lock her door and hide in the closet, and she’ll be so high-strung that she’ll just karate-chop the first person who startled her right in the throat and cut their head off as a reflex.”

The last bus finally showed up, and he tried to start class, but Maddie, still laughing, went ‘hey, you skipped eclipticasolaris!’

And Mr B goes ‘oh come on y’all, it’s obvious, eclipticasolaris gonna be baking cookies and her front door isn’t even going to be locked she’ll invite you in and offer you some. But beware, if you came in with poor intentions, you’ll get a poisoned cookie.’

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mamasanctuary · 3 years ago

Photo

FINAL DIML Pt.3

Okay, we’ve made it to the final post. Let me just preface this by saying, I do not usually show much skin on my kids. I often try to protect their privacy since they can’t fully consent to being posted. With that said, some of these snippets contain half nakey babies LOL and it will not be a recurring thing on this blog.

~ Day In My Life Part 3 ~

5:15 - 6:30pm: Yadier and I try to make a conscious effort to spend uninterrupted time as a family when we are finished for the day. As of late, he’s been getting home around 4pm and finishing up some work here before being done for the day at 5:30pm. Today, Yesenia stayed around a little longer because we needed to discuss something. After she left, we decided to take an impromptu drive to Krispy Kreme.

This hour before dinner, is all about being intentional. We’ve realized that when we give the kiddos uninterrupted attention, they respond better when we have things to do. When we got home, we decided to read and act out the book “The Napping House” The kids love acting out books. It’s our favorite family activity! Solomon still doesn’t have the attention span to sit long so after the second story, Yadier took him to play cars. The girl and I joined in with the car play after a few more stories. 6:45 - 7:15pm: Dinner time. Yadier was the cook today so I took some time to get chores done. We recently re did our pantry closet so I spent some time organizing that and put the clothes to dry that I had washed this morning. Tonight we had steak pasta, Yadier’s favorite. I made a yummy, leafy green salad to go with our meal but the kids opted out of trying it. They aren’t really fond of salad yet. We all had our donut for dessert and then we cleaned up to some of our favorite songs before grabbing the kids to start their bed time routine. 7:30 - 8:45pm: Tonight, we had a bit of an issue getting the kids to calm down. Usually we bather them every other day, because they have dry-ish skin but tonight it was necessary to get them to calm down. I filled the tub with water, lavender and chamomile soap and threw them in. We dimmed the lights to help with sleepiness and within 20 minutes, the mood was quiet and calm. Solomon got a bit fussy so Yadier took him out and dressed quickly. I nursed him quickly as Yadier finished washing up the girls. We switched back and he went to lay Solomon down(it’s necessary because he’ll try to nurse to sleep with me.) The girls were visibly sleepy, so I got them out and dressed in their room. On average, we read three books each night. But we were exhausted and I decided one large book would do. Half way into the book, Zoe slumped against my chest and I caught Thalia rubbing her eyes so I cut it short. My sweet babies were out in less than five minutes and I turned on their night light and fan before I left. 9:00pm - 10:30pm: This time is our time. We spend some time alone, choosing to do some of our favorite hobbies (journaling, video games, editing blogs, etc..) and then come together to get ready for bed. We were both tired and decided to get in bed a little earlier today, at 10:00pm. We always put on our sleepy playlist and then shower together, brush our teeth and climb into bed to pray before falling asleep.

I hope these last few posts have been interesting. I’d love to know, what’s your family routine look like. On Sunday, we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming so stay tuned! Bye bye,

#simblog #simblr #ruizpics #DITL

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asexualdrago · 4 years ago

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20 Questions

b@babycakes1983 shoutout to them for the FNAF prompts

Glamrock Freddy laid flat with his back against a wall in a sitting position as Gregory was nestled in his lap.His breathing was slow and his heartbeat was calm. No wrinkle of worry or fear on the boy’s face. He had to admit that Roxanne and Glamrock Chica were right. He was adorable when he slept. How they knew this, no idea. Maybe he had taken naps in their green rooms and he didn’t notice. He didn’t mind it all that much. At least he can admire these peaceful moments after a long day of work. No Glitchtrap, no Vanny and no worries.

Gregory shifted in his lap and rested his head against Glamrock Freddy’s chest where the empty compartment sat. A low, rhythmic ticking echoed in the boy’s ears. He slowly opened his brown eyes and yawned. Glamrock Freddy felt his circuits stop flowing suddenly seeing his boy wake up. “Hello Gregory, sleep well?” He asked in amusement as the boy looked a bit dazed from waking up. Looking up he saw Freddy’s kind, glowing blue eyes.

Nearly blushing he said “I-uh. Yeah I slept well.” He smiled at the animatronic as Glamrock Freddy maneuvered his jaw to smile down at the boy. “Um Freddy, how long was I asleep?” “2 hours and 30 minutes. If you are wondering how you got here, Vanessa told us that your mother dropped you off with her and she brought you here as she had work to do and trusted me to watch you.” Glamrock Freddy explained. Gregory’s blush deepened and laughed awkwardly. “Oh, um sorry about that Freddy.” Said animatronic laughed and ruffled the child’s hair making him giggle and try to push it away. “Hey! C-cut it out! Freddy’s response was to jab his metallic fingers into the boy’s sides and making him squeak adorably. “Stop it!” He continued to squeak. Glamrock Freddy loved it when his boy laughed. It made him feel alive and he was certain it made him feel better too. To laugh and have joy surge in him. Glamrock Freddy noticed he doesn’t laugh as much as most children he would meet on the daily. He guessed he was terribly shy. To be honest, he didn’t react like most kids, he felt that Gregory was lonely. Just meeting him made Gregory feel better and he was still shy but he made more of an effort to socialize with others thanks to the gang’s encouragement.

He continued to jab him as gently as possible as he didn’t want to hurt him. He stopped after a few minutes and ruffled Gregory’s hair again. “Y-you’re mean” He pants. “I am not mean Gregory. Its not in my programming, I am playful and energetic.” “Not energetic enough to catch Roxy when she’s running.” The boy then stuck out his tongue at him. Glamrock Freddy playfully rolled his eyes and picked Gregory up in his arms.

“Hey Freddy, where are the others?” “Working on their performances for the talent show after closing hours.” Gregory looked at him dumbfounded. “You guys have talent shows?” Freddy nodded. “Yes, what do you think we do after hours? Scare the night guards?” ;) “I am pretty sure Vanessa would hate that.” Glamrock Freddy chuckled. “Yes, yes she would.” Glamrock Freddy walked towards the green rooms. Specifically his, passing both the sun and moon animatronic jumping along beams and pipes. “Freddy, w-what are t-they d-doing? Noting his slight stutter he rubbed the boy’s back to calm him. “Its ok. They are not going to harm you. I would take a guess and say they are playing. Better than Moondrop pranking us constantly till 6 am.” He sighed. “Figured the sun animatronic would be asleep right now.” “Asleep? Oh, powered down correct?” Glamrock Freddy nodded. Ruffling his hair again, another thing he noticed. Gregory didn’t react to affection very well and was confused by it. Just when Glamrock Freddy showed him these acts of affection he slowly became more comfortable to his touch and didn’t flinch when he came too close.

“Why don’t we play a game? To pass the time.” He suggested. Partially to get his thoughts at ease. His metal feet clanking against the tiles of the pizzeria museum. Gregory nodded and thought of the 20 question game.”20 questions hmm? I’ve never played it before. I guess we can try. Do we just ask each other questions till we reach 20?” Gregory looked up at him with bright brown eyes. “I guess so. Should I start or you?” His metal jaw maneuvered into a smile and said he’ll start. 1. what’s your favorite color?” “Yellow. 2. What’s your favorite music?” “Hmm. I’d say 80′s rock.” Gregory laughed. “Don’t you guys play 80′s rock? There has to be something else.” Gregory laughed. “To be honest, I am not certain but I do have an assortment of songs. 3. what’s your favorite past time?” “I’d say coloring or drawing. 4. Who’s your favorite Glamrock member?” Freddy shook his head. “I don’t have a favorite , they are all family to me. That also includes you and sadly Vanessa.” He leaned his head down to nuzzle him. Gregory leaned his head towards the nuzzling with a small smile on his face,

Just to think, a few weeks ago he was afraid of him doing that thinking he was going to hurt him. Which brought back the thoughts he had about his family. Gregory felt like his child. In other words, his cub. The others would mention or joke how he and Gregory have gotten closer and Vanessa mentioning that she had a feeling the reason was because he didn’t have a father or the relationship wasn’t as great as it was supposed to. “I been at their house, I didn’t see a picture of the father. Just Gregory and his mother. Makes me wonder though.” It wouldn’t hurt to ask, right? “5. What is your family like?” Gregory’s cheerful smile slowly faded. He looked nervous and didn’t know what to say. “Why do you want to know about that?” He asks. His voice becoming shy and soft. “Well, I have been thinking over it lately. And wondered what families are like, outside the complex.” Gregory looked down and seemed to think it over before sighing. “You already seen my mom. Right?” “I have, and Vanessa told us that she met her and they usually get smoothies together.” “Well, my mom is around but since she works at the diner and she isn’t home a lot. But she tries her best to raise me. Making sure everything is ok and that I am doing well.”

Glamrock Freddy’s metallic ears twitched. “Are you usually alone?” “Sometimes, but she’ll have me stay with the neighbor or have a family member watch me if they have time and if they don’t mind.” Gregory took on a saddened look that Glamrock Freddy didn’t like seeing. As much as he wanted to do something but he let him continue. “She cares a lot about me. She doesn’t want me to be alone but she doesn’t have much of a choice. She’s a good person Freddy. She just has it hard.” “What about your father? What does he do?” “He....he is....not around anymore Freddy. I don’t know my dad....all that well....” Glamrock Freddy titled his head in confusion. “What do you mean? Did he pass away or...?” Gregory shrugged. “Mom doesn’t like talking about it. No less mentioning him. Sometimes I feel like when she does or someone mentions him, she gets visibly upset. So I never ask her. I doubt I want to know when she gets upset.” Gregory looked down and looked as if about to cry. “Is that why you don’t react well to affection? They don’t show much of it?” Gregory shrugged. “I-I don’t know Freddy.” Noting the boy was becoming more upset. He held him close and started consoling him.

“Mom sometimes mentions I look just like him.” He sobs slightly. “Almost like she hates and loves the idea of me looking like him. Sometimes I feel like she hates me for it but doesn’t want to show it.” Glamrock Freddy felt rage surge in him. It wasn’t his cub’s fault that he has some resemblance to his father that he had no knowledge about. “It’s not your fault Gregory. Never was, you hear. You are special. Special to me. Your mother is strong, but even us adults can have our moments of self anger. You may not know him but its not your fault. I am so sorry you had to go through that.” Gregory hugged him and snuggled against his chest. He felt Glamrock Freddy nuzzle him again and stroking his back and hair. Luckily these actions helped him calm down. “I wasn’t joking when I said that you are part of our family. We love you Gregory. I love you my little cub.” Gregory couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Every word coming from his mouth more genuine than the next. He cried out of happiness and said softy. “I love you too. And I hope you don’t mind me seeing you as a father to me.” “I don’t mind my cub. I don’t mind at all.”

#fnaf security breach #gregory #glamrock freddy

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lets-steal-an-archive · 3 years ago

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'Golden Girls' Polishes Its Scripts: Daily Revisions Geared to Sharpen Story and Hone Those Laugh Lines

TRUE OR FALSE:

Actresses Bea Arthur, Estelle Getty, Rue McClanahan and Betty White write their own dialogue for "The Golden Girls." (FALSE)

Older female writers write all 25 episodes each season because no one else could understand the problems of older females. (FALSE)

In order to keep the shows consistent from week to week, one writer prepares all the episodes. (FALSE)

Ten staff writers work together to prepare a season's worth of scripts. (TRUE)

It's a Monday morning in early October and on a sound stage at the small Renmar Studios in Hollywood, the "golden girls" have gathered to read a new script. This will be episode No. 60 of the series and it will air about three weeks later — on Halloween.

Everyone in the room has heard about this week's story line: Rose writes a letter to Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev. But apart from the writers, no one has seen the final script until now. It was completed on a Saturday, photocopied 150 times on Sunday and distributed this morning to NBC; co-producer Touchstone Pictures; the show's creator, Susan Harris; the show's lawyers and researchers, and the "Golden Girls" cast and crew.

"Hopefully, they'll laugh," murmurs head writer Kathy Speer as she prepares to hear the "table reading." "If they don't, we'll be here fixing the script for a long time."

The table reading really is at tables — eight of them arranged in a rectangle. The actresses and guest actors sit on one side, facing the writers. To the actresses' left are director Terry Hughes, executive producers Paul Junger Witt and Tony Thomas and co-executive producers/head writers Speer and Terry Grossman. To the actresses' right sit NBC representatives, the show's casting director and props and wardrobe personnel.

They begin. Director Hughes reads the stage directions: Interior, kitchen — day. Sophia is seated at table. She is reading book entitled 'Magic Made Easy.' Dorothy enters.

Bea Arthur, as Dorothy, reads: "Hi, Ma."

Estelle Getty, as Sophia, reads: "Give me your watch."

Another week is under way. As the actresses go through their lines, everyone else listens intently. They laugh (or don't laugh) and take notes. By the Friday-night tapings, this script will need to play at 22 minutes. But Friday is a long way off.

As soon as the table reading ends, the writers, producers, director and an NBC program executive huddle to discuss script changes. Then, while the actresses begin rehearsals using the first draft, the writers rush off to their yellow stucco two-story building nearby to begin rewriting.

"The secret of TV half-hour comedy shows is the revisions," explains Dean Valentine, NBC director of current comedy and also the program executive on "Golden Girls." "What they start out with is 75% away from what they end up with."

"I don't think this episode is going to need much work," co-head writer Terry Grossman announces cheerfully on his way back to his office. "It got a good response at the table. We just have to cut it, smooth out transitions and clarify some story points. New jokes will be the tough thing." He anticipates a few hours' work.

"Early in the first season we were throwing out whole scenes," he recalls. "Now we know what works for each lady and what she does best. That's the advantage of being in the third year of the show. The disadvantage is that stories are harder to come by."

Grossman heads into the office he shares with his wife Speer, who is also his writing partner. They are in charge of the writing staff. "That means we are the two who get yelled at the most when something goes wrong," he jokes.

Also piling into the conference-sized room are supervising producers Barry Fanaro and Mort Nathan and producer Winifred Hervey. Despite their titles, Grossman explains, "We're all writers."

"We are the five most dull people," Nathan insists.

"We're much funnier on paper," Hervey adds.

These five, all in their 30s, met when they worked on "Benson," an earlier Witt-Thomas-Harris series. They have been with "Golden Girls" since the beginning, and every Monday they jointly rewrite the script being taped that week. They jokingly call themselves The Gang of Five.

While they start rewriting, the show's other five staff writers — Chris Lloyd, Jeff Ferro, Frederic Weiss, Robert Bruce and Martin Weiss — go back to their own offices to work on new scripts.

"To keep quality, you like as many writers as you can afford," Speer explains. "This year, we have six 'entities' (writing teams) — four sets of partners and two individuals. And we also use a few free-lance scripts each season."

Approximately 25% of the show's budget goes to the writers, executive producer Tony Thomas says. Staff writers on a comedy series earn a weekly salary plus separate payments for completed scripts. A free-lance writer who does a story outline, a first draft and a second draft can earn about $11,000. (Note: All outside script submissions must come through agents.)

"A good comedy requires a lot of teamwork, a lot of people sitting in a room working together," Thomas emphasizes. "A good team is rare, but it's not extremely rare. It's like winning the NBA title. We had it in 'Soap,' and we had it for some years in 'Benson.' Obviously this is one of the most successful staffs we’ve ever put together."

Both Witt and Thomas deal with day-to-day details on "Golden Girls." Harris, who created the series, is less involved this season because, according to Thomas, "She is working on a feature for Disney with us. But she reads all the scripts and is familiar with most of the stories."

Flashback to the previous Friday, a week when "Golden Girls" wasn't taping. Every fourth week during the season, the show shuts down, giving the actors and crew a rest and allowing the writers to catch up.

The Gang of Five is trying to explain how their writing process works. They insist on telling, rather than showing, because, as they say, they're shy. "At the beginning of the season, even having our new writers in the meeting made me a little uncomfortable," Grossman admits. "It slowed down the process."

"One of the most important things that exists with this group is that the bottom line is making the show as good as possible. It's still very difficult when your script is read for the first time and the material doesn't work. It hurts for a moment. But there's no time to take it personally. It didn't work, and the clock is ticking. You better keep moving and get it right."

Like all sitcoms, "Golden Girls" has a "bible," a book that synopsizes everything that has happened on a series. Thus, new writers don't have to watch all the previous episodes. But there is no master plan of what will happen in the future.

The idea for "Letter to Gorbachev" surfaced last May at a beginning-of-the-season meeting of the writers and producers. "It was one of 20 or 30 story notions kicked around," Barry Fanaro recalls. The obvious similarity to Samantha Smith's letter to then-Soviet leader Yuri Andropov isn't mentioned.

"Most of them didn't work,” adds Fanaro's writing partner Mort Nathan, "but this one sounded amusing. Because Rose is a childlike character, we wondered what would happen if she wrote a letter to Gorbachev about world peace. We started fleshing it out, but we couldn't think of a second act. We went round and round, and finally six weeks later we came up with a way to make the story work."

"The five of us went over it scene by scene and agreed it was workable," Fanaro continues. "Then Mort and I went off and wrote it. It took about 10 days because we were also working on other things."

Each "Golden Girls” episode is written to a formula: "the idea, the act break and the resolution," Grossman explains. "Usually there's an 'A' story and a 'B' story going. It's the natural structure."

Although Fanaro and Nathan, who won a writing Emmy last year for a "Golden Girls" episode, wrote the basic Gorbachev script, the story the audience will see has gone through the usual "Golden Girls" grinder: The Gang of Five read and dissect the first draft, adding new scenes, new lines, new jokes. "It's really a team effort," Grossman stresses.

The jokes can be the easiest part — or the hardest. "They're only hard to write when you've got one that isn't working," Grossman says. "A joke in the middle of a scene can be weak, but the 'out joke' — a snappy one-liner that ends the scene on a laugh — has to be strong."

"We may decide a scene needs a new opening," Speer explains. "There will be a long moment of silence. Then someone will ask if anybody's eaten at some new restaurant. In the course of conversation, somebody will say, 'Wait a minute. I have an idea.'"

"With five of us, at least one of us is paying attention," Hervey deadpans.

"Good writers should be able to write for men, women, old or young," Grossman says. "We all draw on other people in our lives — parents, grandparents. Part of the reason for the show's popularity is that these are very vital people. The very same story you've seen 100 times on every sitcom takes on new light with characters in this age group. That makes life easier for us.

"Also, these four actresses are sensational. To have the entire cast be able to give such high-caliber performances means you don't have to adjust your material. You write the material, and they deliver. If they can't make it work, there's something wrong with the material."

The week goes by quickly. On Tuesday morning, the "golden girls" read over the revised script and discover that one scene has changed considerably. Some lines have been cut, while others have been sharpened. There are several new jokes. A press conference scene has been shifted from a hotel room to the ladies' living room.

On Tuesday night, the Gang of Five works late. During the day's rehearsals they realized that the revised scene didn’t play well so they jettisoned it and added some new dialogue and a few more jokes.

Following Wednesday's rehearsals, they hone the script a little more. Time is pressing. By the Thursday afternoon dress rehearsal, the actresses try to be script-perfect, although they often aren't. By now, the original 52-page script has been reduced to 50 pages, and almost every page has had at least one alteration.

For instance, on Monday when Blanche accidentally spat Coca-Cola on a Soviet Embassy official, he responded by saying, "No apology necessary." Now he says, "No need to apologize. In Moscow, we have to stand in line four hours to get this."

Late Friday afternoon, the audience files into Renmar Studios to watch the first taping. The writers are standing by, just in case a last-minute problem occurs. During the 90-minute dinner break, while a new audience is arriving, the cast, writers and producers calmly discuss how to improve the second taping. A few lines are cut, the taping is completed, and it’s on to the next week.

Source: Mills, Nancy. 1987. 'Golden Girls' Polishes Its Scripts: Daily Revisions Geared to Sharpen Story and Hone Those Laugh Lines. Los Angeles Times, October 30, https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1987-10-30-ca-11702-story.html

#the golden girls #how the sausage is made #from the archives #tv writing #i just thought it was neat #long post

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tripleaxeldiaz · 4 years ago

Text

maybe one day i’ll fly next to you

chapter 4/8

read on ao3

start from the beginning

“Buck!”

Buck nearly slices his hand on the skate he’s supposed to be sharpening when he hears May’s voice. He drags his eyes away from ice long enough to see her, Chim, and Maddie looking at him expectedly. Apparently, that wasn’t the first time she’d said his name.

“Sorry, what?”

“I said we’re going to that Thai place on Sawtelle for dinner, do you wanna come?”

“Oh, uh—” his eyes drift back in time to see Eddie land his cleanest quad lutz all day, and he tries not to smile. “I’ve got a session with Hen in a little bit, maybe tomorrow?”

“You okay, Buckaroo?” Chim asks. “You look...forlorn.”

Buck snorts and shakes his head. “I’m fine, just tired.”

Chim shrugs as he follows the girls out of the rink. Buck tries to focus, tries to get lost in the back and forth of sharpening, but he keeps getting distracted by Eddie’s practice and the way he commands the ice even when no one’s scoring him. He feels an ache in his chest watching him, a dull one but still there — it’s been a month since Skate America, and they still have lunch and hang out and everything is fine, but there’s also a tension between them now, the tension of knowing what it’s like to have their hands on each other, what the other one tastes like, and wanting to do it more.

They make eye contact as Eddie heads for the locker room, and he sends Buck a smile so warm Buck swears it’s better than sunshine.

He keeps thinking this waiting thing is going to get easier, but it really, really hasn’t.

“Did you guys get a divorce or something?” Buck jumps as Hen sits down next to him and starts lacing up her skates.

“What? We haven’t— We never— What?” Buck asks, voice an octave higher than normal.

Hen levels him with an unimpressed look. “Don’t give me that. You went from hating him to being attached at the hip to staring at him like a lovesick puppy in like six weeks. Either this is a lover’s spat, or it’s some kinky roleplay thing that I don’t actually want to know anything about.”

Buck doesn’t think he’s ever blushed so hard or so fast in his whole life. “Jesus, it’s none of those things! We—” he looks around quickly before turning back and lowering his voice, “we did kiss, at Skate America, but it was just once and we decided to...pause any next relationship steps until after the Olympics.”

“Why? You’re allowed to date teammates, that’s not against the rules.”

“I know, but—” he’s not sure how to explain I can’t stop thinking about him but that makes me lose focus and as much as I want to make out with him I also want to beat him at every possible competition without sounding insane, so he settles on “we just don’t want any distractions.”

“So you’re gonna pine for each other from afar for the next three months, because that’s less distracting than actually being together?”

Buck pauses lacing up his own skates. “Okay, so maybe it’s not a great plan.”

Hen shrugs as she pushes off from the boards, skating backwards so Buck can still see her skeptical frown. “It might be easier to handle if you just embrace it now. I know it’ll be easier for me to handle.”

Maybe she’s right, a little voice in his head whispers, because it makes sense. But at the same time, a relationship is something he’s never had to factor into competition season before, so he’s honestly not sure how to navigate it. Maybe it starts great, they’re mooning over each other, but then one of them has a bad showing, and it leads to animosity or jealousy or some other ugly thing that would drive a wedge back between them when they’d (he’d) just overcome it. Buck cares about Eddie, cares about their friendship, their potential relationship, Eddie’s general happiness. But he also cares about his career, about his own dreams, and call him selfish or single minded, but he really cares about winning the Olympics. And he’s not willing to risk hurting any of those things by jumping into something too quickly.

He wants to do this with Eddie, but he wants to do this right, when he can make Eddie a top priority like he deserves. If that means he has to endure a few more months of pining, then fine. Come February, it’ll all be more than worth it.

~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, he��s sitting cross-legged at center ice, staring off at nothing, when he sees Eddie skating over to him out of the corner of his eye. He doesn’t say anything, just sits down next to Buck, copying his position, and inviting himself into the reflective silence Buck’s created in the dim morning light.

He finds he doesn’t mind the company so much.

“Are we meditating?” Eddie whispers eventually, like he still respects the quiet even though he has no idea what it’s for.

“Something like that,” Buck says, and Eddie nods, lets them fall back into their own thoughts. It makes Buck melt a little bit, a welcome relief from the incessant buzzing he’s been feeling under his skin all morning.

The truth is, Buck hasn’t been able to make himself move for about 20 minutes. He came in for one last early practice before they’re supposed to fly to Japan, fell on every single jump he attempted, and eventually just didn’t get back up. He had half hoped giving up would spurn his stubborn streak to try one more time one last jump, but instead he just sat, his worries burying him deeper and deeper like freshly fallen snow.

He groans and leans back, laying flat on the ice, trying to focus on the bite of the cold on the back of his head instead of anything else. Eddie follows suit to mirror him again, and Buck’s stupidly grateful that he’s here. He turns his head to face him and is met with eyes glowing honey colored in the sunlight.

“I’m really worried about fucking everything up,” he says in a rush, like Eddie’s gaze pulled it right out of him before he could put all is walls up and lock them, pretend like he’s still strong and has it all together.

“You won’t,” Eddie says with no hesitation.

Buck rolls his eyes. “You don’t know that.”

“I do. I’ve watched you skate since we were 16. I know setbacks make you fight harder.”

“This isn’t about setbacks,” he says, sitting up and resting back on his hands. “This is about going to the last GP before the Final, where everyone is warmed up and has all their kinks worked out, while I can’t even land a clean triple loop.”

Eddie, once again, sits up to mirror him. “One bad practice doesn’t mean anything. Your programs are solid, the audience and the judges love you, you really have nothing to worry about.”

“Except your perfect jumps getting in my way.”

Eddie laughs and it echoes around the rink. “Yeah, except that. But hey, if I win, I’ll let you hold the medal, just to remember what gold feels like.”

With anyone else, Buck would bristle at a joke like that, especially after a trainwreck of a practice. Hell, three months ago, he certainly wouldn’t have been okay with Eddie saying it. But now he just laughs, and he feels almost relieved, because despite their being direct competition, despite the pause they put on whatever it was they were moving towards, he still has Eddie in his corner. He might not actually know how this next week will go, but Eddie believes in him, and right now, it’s enough to finally get him up off the ice, offering a hand down to Eddie to pull him up too. They linger for a minute, hands still clasped, before Buck pulls away and glides toward the edge of the rink.

“Think you can’t beat me in a 500 meter, golden boy?”

Eddie smiles that smile that makes Buck’s stomach drop, and then he’s flashing past him, halfway around the ice before Buck can even start. They go around and around, name calling and playfully shoving, and Buck’s nerves melt away with every burst of speed and every glimpse of joy on Eddie’s face.

~~~~~~~~~~

By the time they land in Sapporo, Buck’s so exhausted he feels a little drunk. He’s never been good at sleeping on long flights, always too distracted by the endless movie choices or a trashy thriller he picked up at Hudson News or his own worries swirling in his head. He finally managed to fall asleep for an hour before he was woken up by the warm weight of Eddie’s cheek resting on his shoulder, his hair softly brushing his jaw.

His only focus after that was on keeping as still as possible for the rest of the flight.

Eddie, thankfully, takes charge of herding him through customs and to the car waiting for them at arrivals, gently steering him so he avoids people and poles while his eyes are half closed. He’s much nicer about it than Maddie ever is, and he only runs into a wall once. Eddie apologizes for it profusely, gently rubbing his head checking for bumps. Buck has to literally bite his tongue before an embarrassing string of words tumbles of his exhausted mouth.

They make it to the hotel in one piece, and Buck barely has time to take his shoes off before he passes out, starfished on the bed, soothed by the background noise of Eddie puttering around the bathroom. 30 seconds later (actually four hours but it feels much shorter), an alarm goes off, and Buck is once again herded around the room and out the door, a cup of coffee shoved into his hand as they get in the van to take them to practice.

Thanks to the coffee and a 30 minute nap in the van, Buck’s at least awake enough to be functional when they arrive. He’s even more awake after a few laps around the rink, the wind stinging his face a better pick-me-up than caffeine. He runs his jumps with Bobby, lands them clean, and he feels good, his nerves quieted by lingering exhaustion and confidence he hasn’t been able to find in a few weeks.

He sees Eddie by the boards, the usual thrill of having him watch running through him, pushing him just a little bit harder, but it’s quickly snuffed out when he sees that Eddie’s not alone, and he’s not even looking at the ice. Instead, he’s talking to a handsome Russian skater, one that Buck’s known since they were juniors so he knows how big of an asshole he is. He’s laughing loudly like Eddie just told the funniest joke he’s ever heard, his hand running up and down Eddie’s bicep in a much too friendly way. Buck tries to shake it off and keep focused, but after falling out of two spins and almost face planting on a three turn, Hen sends him off to stretch on his own and “get your damn head on straight”. He stalks off, passing close enough to Eddie and The Asshole to hear The Asshole ask when Eddie will have time to get dinner before going back to the States.

Buck...he’s not jealous. He has no reason to be, he and Eddie are not dating. But he feels something boiling hot and nasty in his stomach, and he kind of wants to slam the guy’s hand with a toe pick every time his laugh pierces through the rink.

He’s being obnoxious and distracting, so Buck is pissed, but not jealous. And he is not avoiding Eddie by hiding in Chimney’s room until he’s sure Eddie’s asleep.

He does avoid him the next day, out of an abundance of caution that his brain-to-mouth filter might fail and he’ll say something he regrets, and because he does need to get his head on straight and focus like Hen said. He needs at least silver to qualify for the Final and push him a little bit further in the USFSA’s good graces, upping his chances of being named to the Olympic team in two months. He can’t do that if he’s worrying about non-existent relationship drama. So he fills the rest of the day with practice and conditioning, working hard enough that his brain quiets and he feels prepared, but not so much that he hurts himself. He sees Eddie here and there, thinks he tries to catch his eye a few times, but he’s got tunnel vision now, and nothing short of a life or death emergency will break it.

At least, that’s how his tunnel vision used to work.

But the next day during short programs, he sees The Asshole strutting towards Eddie again before their warm-up group goes out, and his tunnel crumbles, filling his brain with static and rubble.

His program could have gone worse, overall, but it also certainly could have gone better. A quad loop turned triple loop and a sketchy landing on his triple axel land him in third place, meaning his free actually has to be perfect to get him to the Final. Only the six highest scoring skaters after all Grand Prix events qualify, and last he checked, he was just in sixth place but could easily be overtaken. Eddie is (surprise surprise) in first, Buck feeling a strange mix of pride and panic as he watches him execute another flawless short. It seems to be only getting stronger as the season goes on, which should also be happening for Buck, but instead it feels like he’s slowly unravelling, hurrying to spin himself back together before he loses too much ground.

The Asshole is in second. Buck has to sit on his hands during the presser so he doesn’t reach across the table and smack that smug look right off the guy’s face.

“He really said he was ‘looking forward to representing his country at the top of the Olympic podium’. Like seriously? We’re all thinking it, but no one’s conceited enough to say it out loud and on the record.”

Maddie shrugs from the other end of the bed. “Maybe it’s a language thing. Like he meant to say ‘on the podium’ instead but got confused because English is hard.”

Buck levels her with an unimpressed glare. He had come to her room right after the presser, lamenting about everything that went wrong and stupid judges and stupid Russia (“Really, Buck? The whole country?”). He’s usually grateful for Maddie’s voice of reason, but today he just needs to vent all his frustrations that have built up over the past few days. He really doesn’t care if they make sense or not.

“You should see the way he’s throwing himself at Eddie. I’ve watched him flex his arms every time Eddie’s walked past for two days. It’d be funny if it wasn’t so irritating.”

“Well, I’m sure Eddie’s not falling for it if this guy is as big of a jerk as you say he is.”

Buck stays quiet, avoiding her eyes and slowly dragging a french fry through ketchup on the room service plate in front of him.

“Oh my god,” Maddie groans, reaching forward to shove his shoulder. “Do you really think Eddie is that shallow?”

“Well I don’t know!” Buck says. “I heard him ask Eddie out to dinner after the competition, maybe he said yes! It’s not like he’s seeing anyone.”

“It’s not like he’s seeing you, is what you mean. Since you were the one who said you two should wait until after Beijing.”

“Whatever,” he mutters as he stabs another fry into ketchup.

Maddie shakes her head. “Jealousy is not a good look on you, Buck.”

“I’m not jealous! I’m just...concerned for my friend, and—” He stops as Maddie just stares at him like she sees right through him. Which, he supposes, is probably not hard for her to do. She reaches out for his hand, taking it in hers and squeezing gently.

“If you’re that ‘concerned’,” she says, air quotes very much implied, “then I think you should just go talk to him.”

“And say what? ‘I don’t want you to go on a date with that handsome Russian man because I want to go on a date with you, even though I was the one who said we should wait because I’m an idiot’?

“...maybe not those exact words. But you do have to go back to your room, because it’s after midnight, the free dance is in eight hours, and I need to sleep.” She all but rolls him off the bed, pulls him into a quick hug, then shoves him into the hallway. “You got this! Use your words!” she yells as the door closes behind her.

When he gets back, Eddie is still awake, reading a book and icing his right ankle. He smiles at him in greeting, that same soft smile that Buck’s pretty sure only he gets to see. The smile he definitely didn’t see whenever he saw Eddie talking to The Asshole.

Maybe not all hope is lost.

“Rough day?” Buck asks, nodding towards Eddie’s ankle.

“Think I just landed on it weird,” Eddie says. “You did really great.”

“I think the judges would say otherwise, but thanks. You were really great, too.” They swim in a semi-comfortable silence as Buck gets changed. He waffles back and forth on what to say, if it’s actually even worth saying anything at all despite what Maddie said, until he faces Eddie again and blurts out, “So are you gonna go to dinner with that Russian guy?”

Eddie just blinks at him for a second before he starts laughing. It’s not a mean laugh, it’s more like a I can’t believe you just said something that dumb laugh. Maddie has a laugh that’s very similar.

He’s still catching his breath a bit when he answers. “No, no I’m not going to dinner with that guy. You know him, right? He’s a total douche. Pretty sure he was actually holding a flex whenever he was talking to me.”

Buck sits on his bed and tries to keep his own laugh in, worried that it would come out hysterical with relief. Not that he ever really doubted Eddie’s taste or ability to take care of himself. It’s just...nice to have it confirmed.

“Plus,” Eddie says as he gets his composure back fully, “I, uh, told him I’m interested in someone else anyway. So hopefully he’ll back off for good.”

Buck freezes, his eyes locked on Eddie’s. A wave of guilt washes over him so suddenly it makes him nauseous. As dumb as his friends may think he is, he’s not that dumb — he knows what he asked of Eddie when he put this thing of theirs on hold. But hearing that Eddie’s following through, seeing it in action — it doesn’t sit right with him. It makes him feel like he’s imposing, like he’s taking away part of Eddie’s life just for the vague chance that they could have something, something that’s not even guaranteed no matter how right it feels to Buck even now.

“Eddie,” he starts, waffling again, “if you want— I mean you shouldn’t have to— I don’t want you waiting around for— for me, for us, if that’s not something you’re interested in anymore.”

There’s a beat before Eddie moves, tossing his book and the ice pack aside. He stands gingerly, favoring his left side just a little bit, and shushes Buck when he tries to protest. He crosses the short distance between their beds slowly, like he’s trying to make sure Buck doesn’t bolt before he gets to him. Carefully, he reaches down to take both of Buck’s hands in his, moving until he’s standing just between Buck’s legs. When Buck doesn’t look up (partially out of embarrassment, and partially out of marveling at how warm and good Eddie’s hands feel in his), he squeezes gently until he gets his attention. Buck finally manages to lift his head, and is met with a look so full of fondness it takes his breath away.

Eddie lets out a slow breath through his nose. “I wasn’t kidding when I said it meant something,” he says quietly, unwilling to disturb the bubble of peace they seem to form when they’re together. “So I’m still very interested. And I really don't mind the waiting. It’s only three months — we’ll be too stressed and working too hard to think about anything else anyway.”

Buck tries to talk around the lump in his throat, but he can’t, so he just nods instead, squeezing Eddie’s hands back. Something loosens in his chest, a tension he thought was coming from agonizing over his programs and his protocols, but maybe not. Maybe he’s come to rely on Eddie, on his friendship and general presence, more than he thought he has over the past few months. That confirmation that they’re moving toward something, together, makes him feel grounded in a way that he hasn’t felt in weeks.

They stay in their bubble for a little bit longer, and Buck feels himself calm even more. Eventually, Eddie squeezes his hands one more time, whispering “goodnight, Buck” before pulling away and getting back in his bed. He turns the lights off, the room falling into darkness, and Buck drifts off into a deep, dreamless sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~

Something’s definitely wrong. Maybe it was minor yesterday, but after landing on his ankle eight more times during his free, Eddie’s clearly favoring his left side and in a whole lot of pain. It’s clear to Buck, at least — to anyone else, Eddie is all grace and smiles as usual, easily taking first place with no way for anyone else to beat him, even with three skaters left.

But Buck knows, knows Eddie and knows that feeling of trying to push through the pain better than anyone, but he doesn’t have time to do anything about it — talk to Eddie, talk to Bobby, talk to someone — before it’s his turn to skate. He tries to shove the worry down, but that raspy little voice is back in his head, whispering about all the worst things that could be happening to Eddie, and all the worst things that could happen to him again if he fucks up his own landings. Visions of cracked bones and bandaged cuts fly through his head — flashbacks to months of bitterness and rage and uncertainty. The panic at his dream potentially slipping away from him again floods his chest and makes it hard to breathe. He swears he feels his leg seize up, just like it used to, just like it hasn’t in over a year until right now, but can’t figure out if it’s real or not.

His music starts just as his spiral does.

The first fall is, technically, his fault. He’s too close to the boards for his triple axel, so he can either crash into them when he lands or stop short and hit the ice. He loses points either way, but in the split second he has to think about it, the latter seems less embarrassing and less painful. As he stands back up, he quickly does the math in his head. Accounting for his average component scores and any potential tech panel biases, he really, really cannot afford any more screw ups.

So, naturally, he falls again.

It’s the jolt this time — that fear that grips his entire body when he sees the ice so far below him, the memory of landing so incorrectly that he couldn’t walk for three weeks, couldn’t skate for even longer. And it’s all laced with worry for Eddie, who he knows is watching from the side, no ice on his ankle and still standing on it, trying to ignore something that’s only going to get worse. Maybe it’s projection, but he wouldn’t wish the misery he went through on anyone, not even Eddie when he couldn’t stand the sight of him, and especially not Eddie now.

He finishes by sheer force of will, his stubbornness and perfectionism overcoming his panic long enough to get him through his last step sequence and spins and to hit his final pose with a smile. The applause feels genuine, but he knows it’s not enough. It’s not even close to enough.

He finishes fifth in free skate, fourth overall, and he knows before he even sees the complete standings that he’s not going to the Final.

Luckily, since he finishes off podium, he doesn’t have any post-competition pressers or photo ops or reasons to slap on a fake smile for anyone. He goes back to his room and packs up so he has something to do with his hands. Maddie and May both text him about doing something with their last night in Japan, but the thought of going out and talking to his friends about their successes against his own failures kind of makes him want to throw up. Instead, he turns off his phone and finds a Japanese dub of Goonies playing on cable and burrows into bed in an attempt to get his brain to shut up for the first time all day.

When burrowing doesn’t work, he squishes himself into the armchair by the TV instead.

When that still doesn’t work, he paces.

That’s what he’s doing when Eddie gets back, looking worn out but still smiling, ribbon of his gold medal dangling out of his warm up jacket pocket. He waves goodbye to whoever is on the outside the door, but as soon as it’s closed, the act drops. Buck watches him sink against the door and lets out a long breath, grimacing as he tests out putting full weight on his right ankle.

Whatever anxiety Buck had managed to pace off (which really wasn’t a lot) comes back in full force, and he’s at Eddie’s side in three long steps.

“You’re hurt,” he says matter-of-factly.

Eddie shakes his head. “It’s just really sore, Buck, it’ll be better when I finally get to rest it.”

“No, it won’t be,” Buck snaps as he strides towards the ice bucket in the corner of the room to start filling up a bag. “You’ll think it’s getting better, and you’ll keep taking painkillers to take the edge off, but it’ll just keep getting worse, and you won’t even know it until your PT finally tells you it’s either two months off your feet to let it heal properly or you risk never being able to compete again.” He almost rips the bag in half as he finishes filling it with ice. He wraps it in a spare towel and shoves it at Eddie, who takes it gingerly before sitting on his bed and placing it on his ankle.

“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience,” Eddie says.

Buck shrugs. He might know a thing or two about trying to force healing too quickly and ignoring pain, about getting a cast off two weeks too early and almost having his bone heal crooked. But his issues are not what’s important right now.

What’s important is Eddie.

“Look, can you just—” Buck sits on the bed next to Eddie, hovering over him like he can use his body to shield Eddie from anything else that might hurt him. “Just promise me you’ll get it checked when we get home, okay? Don’t put it off, don’t wait until after the Final—”

“Hey,” Eddie says, his hand coming to Buck’s shoulder and squeezing. “I’ll go, I promise. First appointment I can get.” Buck nods, and Eddie nods with him, thumb softly pressing against his pulse point. He doesn’t feel better, but he feels less buzzy, less like he’s dangling off the edge of a cliff by the tips of his fingers.

Buck nods again, decisively, before quickly squeezing Eddie’s wrist and standing. Eddie catches his hand before he makes it very far, his eyes filled with an intensity he hasn’t seen off the ice.

“I’m okay,” he says firmly, reassuringly. “We’re okay. Everything will be fine, you’ll see.”

You don’t know that, Buck thinks, but he just quirks a smile instead before heading to the bathroom.

He closes the door behind him, sinks to the floor, and tries to let any worse case scenarios push him back over the edge.

~~~~~~~~~~

[from: Eddie] It’s a stress fracture

[from: Eddie] They said if I had landed on it a few more times it would have been much worse

[from: Eddie] Glad I listened to you

Buck feels a weird sense of relief and unease as he reads Eddie’s texts. The door to Bobby’s office shuts behind him, the sounds of the rink muffled to a dull murmur. He’s not sure why he’s here — he hasn’t done anything to get him in trouble, and they literally had practice together an hour ago.

Bobby sits at his desk, hands folded in front of him. “So I’m not sure if you heard, but Eddie—”

“—has a stress fracture in his ankle, yeah, he just told me.”

Bobby smirks before continuing. “He’ll be out for the next six weeks at least, so he’ll be missing the Final.” He pauses for what feels like dramatic effect.

Buck scrunches his brow. “Right. But what does that have to do with me? I’m second alternate, that kid from Japan should be taking his spot.”

“And he is,” Bobby says. “But the skater from Canada who qualified also has to withdraw. I guess a bad case of the stomach flu has been going through their team. He won’t be back in shape by next weekend, which means—”

“I’m in,” Buck says quietly.

Bobby nods. “You’re in.”

Buck’s first reaction is to laugh. A high pitched, hysterical laugh because he really can’t believe this is happening. He screwed up, screwed up bad, but he’s getting a second chance, by some twist of fate or intervention from the universe or however the hell this happened. Bobby keeps talking about flights and practice schedules, and Buck hears him, but not really, because all he feels is relieved. Relieved that his Olympic chances maybe won’t be as squashed as he thought, and relieved that he gets a chance to prove himself again, to show that he can deliver and that he’s worthy.

That’s all he’s ever trying to do, really.

He leaves Bobby’s office practically floating, already texting Hen about when they can meet and tweaks he wants to make that will push his programs that much closer to perfect. He’s in the middle of calling Maddie when he gets a text back, pulling it up as she starts listing all the program improvements she has planned for her and Chim to work on since they didn’t make the Final themselves.

It’s not from Hen like he expects, it’s from Eddie — a picture of him laid up on a couch, foot in an air cast but still smiling at the camera.

[from: Eddie] Told you I’d take care of myself. I’ll be cheering you on from here

It hits him then, and he plummets back down to Earth at the reminder.

Eddie’s not coming with him.

He gets to try and keep his Olympic dreams alive, while Eddie stays home and hopes that he does enough to be healthy in time for Nationals.

A year ago, he’d be stupidly smug about a change of events like this. Now, it just makes his stomach twist and sympathy and sadness. He’ll be facing this competition alone — without his friend, his fiercest competition, his...Eddie — and no matter how much easier it might be for him to stay focused, alone is the last thing he wants to be.

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 fox #buddie fic #911 fic #9-1-1 #fs au #ficcery

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fishoutofcamelot · 4 years ago

Text

IT’S OFFICIAL! I’M MAKING A MERLIN-THEMED D&D CAMPAIGN!!! <3

Do you like Merlin? Do you like D&D? Do you like the idea of D&D but don’t know how it works? Then The Rising Sun campaign is just for you! (named after that one tavern in Camelot lmao)

CAMPAIGN PREMISE:

Jailbreak! The members of your party have been locked away in Camelot’s dungeons and must work together to bust out. But with a mysterious curse terrorizing the city, that might be easier said than done. Takes place during the three-year gap between seasons 4 and 5.

BASIC INFORMATION:

4-6 players, all at LVL3

Is this your first game? Your 50th game? All experience levels accepted!

Will feature monsters/characters/settings present in BBCM canon

The session will be recorded and posted to Youtube, so even people who don’t play can still join in on the fun!

Wanna chat about Merlin? (And D&D, but mostly Merlin) Join the Rising Sun Discord Server!!!

It’s a oneshot campaign, meaning there will only be one session

Submit your character sheet/s to me (email under the cut) by November 15th!

The exact length of the session will depend on player availability/preference, and how long it takes us to get through the campaign. But expect it to take around 2-4 hours

You can play as a canon character (like Mithian or Percival), or make an OC

We will be running this through D&D5e (5th edition) as this is what I’m most familiar with. If you don’t know what that means, don’t worry about it!

Players must have access to Discord. Announcements, party talk, scheduling, etc. will be held on an exclusive channel through the Rising Sun Discord Server

WANT TO GET INVOLVED WITHOUT PLAYING?

Don’t worry, we’ve got something for everyone! I want this to be something everyone in the fandom can enjoy :)

The campaign will be recorded virtually and posted to Youtube in 30-minute parts/episodes, with captions available

Transcripts will also be posted to AO3

Join the Rising Sun Discord Server!

Don’t have a Discord account? Information about the campaign will also be posted to the Rising Sun Campaign tag on Tumblr

Feeling artsy? Feel free to post it! Any campaign-related art sent to me (through Discord, Tumblr, or Gmail) will likely be posted to my Tumblr blog and also feature in one of the episodes uploaded to Youtube, provided you give me permission to do so <3

Interested? More details under the cut!

PROJECTED TIMELINE

November 1: Player Submission period opens

November 15: Player Submission period ends

November 20: Official player + character list announced

December 18-January 18: Campaign session held. The exact date/time will depend on the availability of party members, but this is just the time period in which it’s most likely to happen (it’s my winter break!)

January/February: Campaign “episodes” will be uploaded to Youtube on a weekly basis, with their respective transcripts posted to AO3. Official release schedule to be posted after the campaign has been recorded

SUBMISSION REQUIREMENTS

Submit to my email: [email protected]

If you don’t know a lot about D&D and want me to teach you/help you make your character sheet, let me know through Tumblr!

Submissions should include your:

Tumblr URL and/or Discord ID

Time zone

Expected availability between Dec18-Jan18

Experience/comfort level with D&D

If you are willing to have your face shown in the recording

Character sheet/s

Any homebrew content you would like to use

You can submit more than one character sheet, but you can only play as one character, and only one character will be accepted into the campaign

If we get more than 6 submissions, players will be chosen based on their availability, friendliness, and how well I think their character will fit into the campaign/party

If you’re accepted as a player, I will let you know via Tumblr/Discord before posting the official player list to Tumblr. You will also be granted access to the Party-Only channel on the Rising Sun Discord server

You MUST be a member of this server, as crucial party discussions, announcements, and Zoom links will be shared there

Make sure to have everything submitted by November 15th!

GUIDELINES

My time zone is PST. Expect this to influence scheduling

If you aren’t comfortable having your face in the recording, you can turn your camera off! However, I will ask that you at least keep your mic on

The session will be held and recorded through Zoom. Make sure you have access to this program!

Due to Zoom restrictions, a Zoom meeting can’t be any longer than 45 minutes. So the session will probably be broken up into 30-minute meetings, with 5-minute breaks in between each one. The Zoom link/s will be posted to the Party-only channel on the Rising Sun server. If I find a more efficient way of doing this, I will let you know

There will be a session zero, also on Zoom, about a week before we record the session. This is just a quick and casual opportunity for us to meet, work out any technical issues, address campaign expectations, talk about our characters, and get to know each other better <3

General courtesy and Zoom/D&D etiquettes apply. Don’t be a dick!

I might end up commissioning/having art done of the Player Characters (PCs). If you’re not okay with that, let me know!

CHARACTER CREATION

Put your character at LVL 3

Homebrew content is allowed, so long as you have me look it over first!

Use the D&D5e character sheet for character creation (if you need help accessing this I can send you an editable pdf, or help you find an online character sheet creator)

CANON CHARACTERS

Make sure all information on your character sheet is accurate to canon. Any deviations from canon (like giving Elyan magic, or making Percival a time-traveler) must be talked over with me first

Does their canon background have holes or unknowns? Fill them in yourself! Get creative <3

If this character doesn’t have a race available in D&D, like a sidhe, then you have two options. You can either homebrew their profile, or you can using an existing race profile that’s similar while clearly establishing what their real race is

When writing their backstory, try to think of how they would fit into the campaign. Why are they in the dungeons? Is Merlin suffering the aftermath of a magic reveal gone wrong? Did Gwaine get into a tavern brawl? Has George been framed for murder?

OCs

Be creative! Time travelers, shapeshifters, orcs - as long as you develop it well enough, I’ll probably allow it

If your character has a race/species that doesn’t exist in BBCM canon - like an elf or a dwarf - then provide backstory as to why their people are never seen or mentioned in the show. Did the dwarves go into hiding during the Purge? Is your character the first of their kind? Were they cursed into a non-human form?

In the event that we get someone to do art for the PCs, please make sure the physical description of your character is very clear and concise. Consider including reference art of some kind as well. This will hopefully make it easier for the artist/s to do their thing

When writing their backstory, try to think of how they would fit into the campaign. Why are they in the dungeons? Did they get caught trying to kill the king? Did their friend turn them in for sorcery? Did they steal something from the vaults?

This should be a chance for us all to goof off and have fun, so I’m not gonna be super strict on the rules. And if you have any questions, hit me up on Tumblr!! <3

#yall its finally happening!!!!#i have been legit working on this for over 2 weeks now #i made graphics #and a discord server #and ive got a whole bunch of resources compiled for any newbies who need them #i taught myself some rudimentary animation + video editing stuff #i reread the entire dungeon masters guide for this #I. AM. READY #rising sun campaign #dnd #merlin #bbc merlin #merlin bbc #bbcm #fish post

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matthiasschoenaertsdaily · 4 years ago

Text

Matthias Schoenaerts full interview for De Morgen Magazine (original in Flemish, translated into English by @matthiasschoenaertsdaily)

Interview by Els Maes, published on November 28, 2020

Even a global pandemic will not destroy the optimism of actor Matthias Schoenaerts (42). Because he knows from his own experience how much beauty can emerge from the most hopeless situations. "I've had my back against the wall often enough, I'll always find a way out."

A bleak autumn day on a concrete square. There is lukewarm coffee, lukewarm Chimay and rolling tobacco. At dusk we see the silhouettes of fat rats that shoot past our ankles. And yet Matthias Schoenaerts will tell us in a glowing argument that this, here and now, is the very best place to be. That there is so much beauty to discover, he says. Le paradis c'est ici. As long as we want to see it.

"It's strange to say in this unpleasant period, but I've enjoyed the past few months enormously. It's the first time in ten years, since Runskop actually, that I'll be home for a long period of time. This is so beneficial: I am photographing, painting, writing. I can devote time and attention to the very simple things we'd otherwise race past."

"Seriously, look at that," he says, picking a leaf off the ground. "Those colors, that pattern. I can spend hours looking at the pure beauty of the things that surround us."

Above us a pigeon is wreaking havoc between the thinned out foliage. "While you are singing about the wonderful beauty of nature, that animal is going to shit on our heads," I say. "And that too will be a s-p-l-e-n-d-i-d moment," Schoenaerts answers.

Matthias Schoenaerts is Belgium's most successful international film star. But here and now, on a bench in his hometown, he is a technically unemployed actor, an all-round searching artist, but above all: fighter of cynicism. "I refuse to go along with all negativity and fear. The true battle today is cynicism versus courage. And I always choose the latter."

We're on the Oudevaartplaats, the square that everyone knows as the Antwerp Bird Market, and where Schoenaerts' childhood memories are waiting to be picked up. It comes into the conversation just like that: Brando, the cute chow chow that little Matthias got from his mom on this square, when here on the bird market puppies were still sold. "My dogs were my great loves. The home situation was often difficult, and with my dogs I found security. We had three chow chows, those fluffy lion dogs with a blue tongue. Brando was the first, I loved that animal."

"We lived in a small apartment with three dogs, anything but ideal. One day we let them go, to people with a large estate. That was heartbreaking."

There is a beautiful lesson in that, about love and letting go. It would have been selfish to keep your dogs if you could give them a nicer life elsewhere, wouldn't it?

"Absolutely, but I obviously didn't process that departure properly. Brando still appears in my dreams, after all these years. Then he returns home unexpectedly, and am I mad with joy.

"I often dream about my parents too: that reunion is so intensely beautiful and warm. Oh, there you are, finally! Those dreams are true to life, and the awakening is rock-hard."

Is that one of the reasons why you like being here in Antwerp, because here you feel more connected to the people that you loved?

"This is my home, my zero, I can't imagine a place in the world where I would rather live. When my mom was alive, and especially when she got sick, in between filming I tried to be with her as much as possible here in Antwerp. In the meantime I have an apartment here, my first permanent place of my own, but I've hardly been there in recent years. Now I can finally enjoy my home, I find peace, tranquility and inspiration there. I have seen fantastic sunsets on my roof terrace in recent months. So much beauty, and you can just admire it there, every day, for free. As long as you take the time to enjoy it.

"Normally I would have started filming again in April, and left for a hectic ride of at least two years, with projects that would follow each other quickly. I was at my limits, sooner or later I was going to bang my head against the wall. I feel how beneficial it is to slow down for a moment. David Lynch said that: 'Just slow things down and it becomes more beautiful'.

"As an actor you have to work in a big machine, according to a tight schedule. I have now discovered the pleasure of creating things for myself very spontaneously in my own cadence."

Is that work something you ever want to go public with?

"I want to do something with my photography someday, but I'm in no hurry. I'm also writing a film script, I've had an idea for a trilogy for a long time. It's a very personal project, and it takes time for it to crystallize into something very pure and proper. Maybe those films will come within ten years, maybe never.

"The most important thing is to keep busy. You have to look for something, anything, on which you can focus your passion, love and attention. Of course I would like to return to set, and those projects will come back later. But if I can't change anything about a situation, why worry about it?

"From a very young age I learned that there are not many certainties in life, I adapt easily to unexpected circumstances. There is one thing I can't stand, and that is feeling powerless. I never want to be the victim of a situation, I will always think: what can I do myself? Which way can I go? I have often enough stood with my back against the wall, I will always find a way out and take matters into my own hands."

So Schoenaerts decided to use this period to put Zenith - his artist name as a street artist - to hard work. Since the lockdown he has already created nine impressive murals, including one in the courtyard of the Oudenaarde prison, and one at the beginning of this month in the Antwerp Begijnenstraat, on the bare walls that form their furthest horizon for the prisoners. A moving event, he says. Not only by the touching conversations with inmates, and the forty-minute applause with which the prisoners welcomed him. "The mural contains a poem by my father. While I am there painting those beautiful words of my dad on the wall, I suddenly remember that my mom used to give meditation lessons to the prisoners there in the Begijnenstraat. I had completely forgotten about that until I stood there. How beautiful that is. Suddenly I felt my parents very tangible, very close to me."

It's a bit funny: a long time ago you were arrested for graffiti, now they invite you to prison to make a mural.

"I used to tag a lot, but I really don't like the vandalism that sometimes comes with graffiti. Defacing a facade, that's just ridiculous. But trains, bridges, tunnels.... frankly I think that's the max. Soon I'm going to do another oldskool graffiti wall, with some friends, back to the roots. But with permission, yes."

Scary dudes

The problems of the Belgian detention system are well known: outdated infrastructure, overcrowding and a system of pre-trial detention which means that some people are innocently stuck for years. Schoenaerts: "These are human lives that are destroyed by the Belgian state, isn't that scandalous?"

Schoenaerts' engagement started years ago, after meeting Hans Claus, prison director in Oudenaarde, who contacted him when he wanted to organize a screening of Le Fidèle, the film by Michaël R. Roskam starring Schoenaerts. Claus has been fighting for many years for a reform of our detention system, among others with the non-profit organization De Huizen, small-scale centers that are more focused on rehabilitation and reintegration of the detainee. How does Schoenaerts see his role? "Those murals are a kind of lubricant for me, to get attention for this problem. I am not the expert and I am certainly not a politician. This injustice touches me as a human being, and my message is clear: please listen to the people who have been working hard for decades to reform the system from the inside."

In The Mustang, your last feature film to be seen here before the lockdown, you take on the role of a prisoner who learns to tame wild horses and his demons. Has that role changed your vision?

"That rehabilitation program with mustangs really exists, and the chance of recidivism is almost zero percent. I had a conversation in the Begijnenstraat with the minister of Justice Vincent Van Quickenborne (Open Vld, ed.), and he told me that the chance of relapse here is 40 to 50 percent. Isn't that madness?

"That's what fascinates me most of all: what do we do with those detainees while they're stuck? How can we help to break the destructive patterns that put them in prison? Imprisonment is a punishment in itself, but someday we'll send those people back into society, so let's mainly support them in their self-development.

"In preparation for The Mustang, I visited prisons in the U.S., and talked to men who had been detained for 20, 30 years. Heavy guys: Aryan Brotherhood (powerful crime syndicate of neo-Nazis in American prisons, ed.), Mexican gang leaders... real scary dudes. You know what those say to me? That they live in fear every day, but they must not show weakness. Psychological counseling and things like that have their value, but that's often very cerebral. I especially believe in the healing power of art. Imagine that inmates can express all those fucked up emotions through art: I think that there is an enormous potential in this."

I heard you're playing with the idea of giving acting lessons to inmates?

"That's not a concrete plan yet, but I would love it if people from the creative sector would commit themselves to this: musicians, sculptors, dancers. Or writers who help prisoners put their own story into words.

"The cultural sector needs to start sticking its neck out. The sector is lying flat, and that's terrible. But we have to keep moving. We can all do something for the community, without being paid for it. Planting small seeds, doing something good for your fellow man, something beautiful always comes out of it."

Had you been to a prison before The Mustang?

"To visit friends, yes. In Merksplas, Hoogstraten, Hasselt, Dendermonde... We shouldn't talk about that any further. A prison is deep tristesse. Who dares to call that 'a hotel', shame on you."

This summer you painted an impressive mural in Paris in honor of George Floyd, murdered by American officers. And in Ostend last week a new mural was unveiled, with a 'decapitated' Leopold II. Is activism an important part of your street art?

"Graffiti used to be more of a style exercise for me, you want to create things that get noticed within the scene. But gradually I felt like communicating with a wider audience. I like to incorporate a lot of symbolism in my paintings, such as the cracks I photograph all over the world and then magnify them in another place. And the praying hands, a universal image of hope and faith in yourself. Art has the power to speak to our deepest emotions, and that is what binds us to the other. Connectedness, empathy, harmony, solidarity, that's the essence for me."

The corona crisis is one big exercise in empathy and solidarity. Sometimes we seem to lack that.

"I refuse to surrender to cynicism, and I surround myself with positive people who do beautiful things for others. This period would lead us to insights: how do we deal with each other? Do we help each other, or is it every man for himself? A human is such a wonderful creature, but we mess it up so much for ourselves.

"Yeah, I know. Some people who read this will think: this guy is smoking too many joints. (laughs) I don't smoke joints, and I'm not an unworldly idealist. But I will always focus my attention on the good, in spite of everything."

If you always want to see the good in people, are you sometimes disappointed?

"Yes, of course. I'm not a naive brat, I've learned to guard my boundaries. I can't please everyone all the time, and I don't let anyone rush me. I react badly when people put pressure on me because they want things from me. The perception of me that others have of me, I can't control. I don't let myself put out of balance easily anymore."

I saw that on your Instagram Stories you warned about fake profiles on social media, of people pretending to be you. That made you visibly angry.

"Really, that makes me angry. Every day I receive screenshots from people who have been tricked by crooks who approach innocent victims with my name and my pictures. There are stories of fans who have paid thousands of euros because they were promised a meet-and-greet with me. How disgusting is that? One person has transferred 14,000 euros to someone who pretended to be my manager.

"Of course, that raises questions about how gullible some people can be. But I've seen those chat conversations for myself: those criminals are terribly sneaky. They know how to play on the vulnerabilities of their victims in a very cunning way. This is manipulation and swindle of the filthiest kind.

"Really, I get physically unwell when I think about it. How can someone be so mean? If I ever catch these guys, I'm gonna bash their skulls in, I'm not kidding. Sorry."

Or: those crooks get a jail sentence, where you're going to give them acting lessons.

(laughs) "Okay, let it be clear that I think everyone should be punished for their crimes. My commitment to the prison system is not a plea for impunity, and I certainly don't want to romanticize crime.

"But when someone abuses innocent people's trust in such a cunning way, the question is: how did you derail so morally? And above all: how can we initiate a transformation in that person? Surely you can't lock someone up and expect that person to suddenly make better choices years later? First such a person has to take responsibility for his own actions."

Do you have something criminal on your conscience?

"No." (Thinks for a second) "No. Thank God. I couldn't live with that.

"I've probably hurt people in my life, like everybody else. Sometimes we just hurt people because of who we are, or because we can't fulfill what others want from us. But I have never harmed anyone consciously or criminally, no."

As a teenager you sometimes came into contact with the juvenile court, for vandalism. Do you think you could have ended up on the other side of the bars?

"Probably, a life can take strange turns sometimes."

What made you sit here today, and not get on the 'wrong' path?

"Wait... that's a good question. There's the one terrible dramatic event that caused a total turnaround in my life: when my dad went into a coma after a psychosis, and I was told he only had 24 hours left to live.

"I was 21 then, thrown out of school for the umpteenth time. I was doing graffiti and wanted to find my way creatively. But I was messing around, going with friends who... Anyway, there was latent danger, it threatened to go a little bit the wrong way.

"And then I got that phone call: come and say goodbye. Bam. The relationship with my father had been sour for years, we hardly saw each other. Until I stood there at his deathbed in intensive care... I only felt love, a wave of emotions that I had pushed down very deeply. That realization was rock-hard: this was it. My father and I will never get the chance to figure shit out, I thought.

"Long story, the rest is known: after 72 hours my father woke up from a coma against all odds. Like a plant: he could not speak, reacted to nothing or nobody. According to the chief psychiatrist, we had to accept that his condition would never improve. That was without the fighting spirit of my mother and me.

"It's because of that unlikely event that I've changed my whole lifestyle. For eight months, my mother and I went to visit my father every day. We talked to him, but he seemed to look straight through us. For hours we sat with him at the psychiatry department of Stuivenberg, how desperate those first months were also. We continued to fight, taught him to talk, to eat, to walk. A miracle, the doctors called it. Bullshit of course. It was love, dedication and stubbornness. Especially thanks to my mother, the lioness who kept fighting for him. And see how much beauty came out of it. My life then received an entirely different impulse.

"I suddenly think of an anecdote I've never told before. After a while we were allowed to take my father to the cafeteria once in a while, or to the garden. But he was absolutely not allowed to leave the hospital. Fuck it. I hid a bag of clothes for him, secretly dressed him in the toilet and took my father to the city. By bus, because I didn't have a driver's license. I wanted to stimulate his senses, test if any memories would come back. He was fond of Our Lady's Cathedral, so that's where I wanted to take him."

Matthiaske, why am I crying?

He plays it out. The written version here is only a dead script compared to the lived-through performance, right there on that dark square, just around the corner of the Arenbergschouwburg, where Matthias made his stage debut as a 9-year-old boy next to father Julien, as The Little Prince.

Matthias shows how he supported his frail dad, and how they shuffled in small, careful steps towards the cathedral. Dad looking at the ground to be sure not to fall. "I say, 'Dad, look up'. He looks up, and I see the tears rolling down his cheeks. I had never seen my father cry. 'Matthiaske,' he says, 'can you tell me why I'm crying?'

"I had already decided then that I would take my father into my house. Overconfident, yes, at that age, but they have become the most beautiful years of my life. Mom came by every day to help. Suddenly we were a bit of a family again, something we had only been for a short time when I was young."

It was at that time that you decided to become an actor. Why did you decide to become an actor?

"I had always resisted following in my father's footsteps. In my youth I mainly wanted to break away from my father, and seek my own path. I didn't want to have anything to do with him and all those loudmouths around him in the theater world. But most of all I was terrified that compared to the great Julien Schoenaerts I would never be good enough.

"Only now do I understand why I then decided to go to the conservatory. Not to become an actor, but to understand my father. We had so many years together, and now that we had been given a second chance, I wanted to get to know him as well as possible. By acting, maybe I could get closer to him." (pauses)

Sentimental fuss

He banishes the tears. It's one of the many things he has in common with his father, he says: they're both very emotional, but they hate sentimental fuss. "Come on, Matthias: breathe," he commands himself.

"Voilà, see how much beauty can come out of misery. What a chain of beautiful things came out of the fight my mother and I put up in the most hopeless situation. Who knows how differently my life would have turned out?"

"There are so many lessons in that. If we just talked about the rehabilitation of detainees, for example. It takes commitment. Not a workshop of two hours. You have to persevere, even in the event of a setback, with no guarantee of a happy ending. That's why I think it's so important to keep telling that story about my dad. Those are the values I believe in: dedication, stamina, attention, love. You can apply that to everything in life. Love is the fuel."

You often talk about your parents as if you want to keep them alive with your words.

"Because my mom and dad are the people I've loved most. With them I shared the most important moments, built the most beautiful memories. That loss is enormous. Life has been really fucking tough since they've been gone.

"That's what grabs me so much in this period. How many people have died of corona in Belgium?"

According to Google, today, on the day of the interview, the counter stands at almost 14,000 deaths.

"Fourteen thousand! Imagine how many people that has an impact on? How many people have suddenly lost their mother, father, brother, sister, best friend or neighbor? Behind those figures lie tens of thousands of poignant stories, of people who see a loved one torn from their lives. That is a mountain of unresolved grief, and far too little attention is paid to it."

Earlier during our conversation a guy had walked past coughing and maskless. It pissed Schoenaerts off: "And whining about masks or strict measures. Grow some fucking balls. Having to say goodbye to a loved one, that's the worst thing."

"Isn't that what this period teaches us? That our time here is limited? And what really counts in life: sharing moments of beauty with the people you hold most dear. All the rest is wallpaper. Having success, making movies, that's all fun. But the day you lie on your deathbed, you really don't think about the professional successes on your resume. No way."

#matthias schoenaerts #interviews #misc #by us

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