#I genuinely care about this nameless character now... he looks so happy at the start embracing her and im certain in better--

[red-moon-at-night]

Let's talk a little bit about Mahiru's boyfriend

This post is alternatively titled "Mahiru's Boyfriend Probably Had An Eating Disorder And I Am Very Sad About It So Now You Get To Be Sad About It With Me" but that felt a bit much in the bold title font so I'm trying to tone this down at least a little bit :')

So I was reading this wonderful post earlier (you should too btw it has a LOT of interesting information), and as I was going through the food section something clicked in my brain. Pieces of information that were drifting aimlessly before quickly came together for me and I almost wish they hadn’t because oh boy is it depressing.

Now, nothing I’m about to say here is explicitly stated - but I do think it is strongly insinuated, through the MVs of both ‘This Is How To Be In Love With You’ (TIHTBILWY what an acronym wow) and ‘I Love You’. I am aware that the latter video has a lot of metaphorical imagery, but I still think some of this imagery can be taken in a literal sense to reinforce ideas established in TIHTBILWY.

TW/Trigger Warnings: discussion of eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia, etc.), discussion of suicide and suicidal thoughts. Please take these into consideration and stay safe!

credit to iaobug’s transcribed images from ‘This Is How To Be In Love With You’ used below btw!

Now I’ve always had an inkling this could be possible, but I didn’t realise until recently there was this much evidence supporting a little idea of mine dancing around in my head.

But First, Some Quick Definitions and Criteria

First things first, I think we should briefly clarify what an eating disorder is and what eating disorder I think Mahiru’s boyfriend most likely had.

Here are some definitions:

Eating disorders are behavioral conditions characterized by severe and persistent disturbance in eating behaviors and associated distressing thoughts and emotions. They can be very serious conditions affecting physical, psychological and social function. (source)

An eating disorder is a mental health condition where you use the control of food to cope with feelings and other situations. (source)

And here are some brief introductions to several types of eating disorders:

The most common eating disorders are:

anorexia nervosa – trying to control your weight by not eating enough food, exercising too much, or doing both bulimia – losing control over how much you eat and then taking drastic action to not put on weight binge eating disorder (BED) – eating large portions of food until you feel uncomfortably full

Other specified feeding or eating disorder (OSFED) – A person may have an OSFED if their symptoms do not exactly fit the expected symptoms for any specific eating disorders.

(source)

Okay, so we have some basic information down, cool! This is not fully comprehensive but it will do for the purposes of this segment.

So what eating disorder do I believe Mahiru’s boyfriend had? 

I’m not sure! The information we have is not conclusive enough for me to confidently pick an option. What I will say is most likely, and most common, is OSFED and the concept of the eating disorder cycle. People’s symptoms will often overlap with multiple diagnoses, or shift from one mode of behaviour (e.g. the restrictive eating behaviours found in anorexia) to another (e.g. binge eating and following compensatory behaviours found in bulimia).

Things are often not as clear-cut or black and white as we’d like to imagine.

Let’s move onto looking at the MVs, shall we?

This first music video has a wealth of information hidden in its cute magazine-style annotations and imagery - information that, when you look a little closer and consider the bigger picture, raises all the alarm bells in my mind.

Parts of ‘This Is How To Be In Love With You’ That Make Me Pause In Concern, In Chronological Order:

The Bread

Let's start off with a not very obvious one.

One of the first things we learn about Mahiru’s soon-to-be-boyfriend (which by the way this is literally the 2nd time he’s mentioned) is ‘wow he buys a lot of bread’. Insignificant on its own, I know, but consider this through my lens if you will: my man has bought 5 whole baguettes from a bakery. Not 2 or 3, but 5. Actually, on closer inspection there's even more bread of a different type at the bottom of that bag too. These aren’t store-bought, they’re fresh and will probably go stale in a few days. Pray tell, if the man is not eating baguette for breakfast lunch and dinner over the course of 72 hours... why did he buy so much fucking bread?

What comes to mind when I see this is binge eating. Bread is one of the most common binge foods out there; anything with high carbohydrates or high fat content, in fact, often due to its “unhealthy” or “forbidden” nature.

We'll just have a quick look at Mahiru's comment again:

"I thought to buy the same bread he did, but this is far too much for me to eat... ><

I forgot to ask how many calories there are..."

If it hasn't been established by now with the MV's aesthetic, Mahiru cares about her appearance. A lot. Her self-image and beauty directly ties into looking 'good' enough for others, so she can find the love of her life and please him with her looks.

If Mahiru is also calorie counting, this does not bode well for their relationship. I should probably speak in past tense, actually... Mahiru's own self-image behaviours made her blind to her boyfriend's self-image behaviours. There we go.

But I'm getting ahead of myself here.

So, We have an indication of binge eating behaviours. Remind me again what comes after binging?

The Jogging Hobby

Oh, that’s right - purging.

Excessive exercise is an indirect method of purging/compensatory behaviour found in bulimia. A more commonly known purging method is self-induced vomiting, but that's certainly not the only way to counteract excess calories. 

So the jogging, while harmless in isolation, is starting to paint an ever-so-slightly worrying picture.

Again, let's take a look at Mahiru's comment:

"I had a chance to chat with him today, and he mentioned his hobby was jogging. ... I haven't exercised this much in ages... I'm totally exhausted..." 

The only hobby (not hobbies but hobby, singular) that we learn the boyfriend has is this. Sure, there's one movie that he also likes... but that's it. There's not much else to him! So when the two most prevalent ideas attached to this guy are 'food' (in excess) and 'exercise' (in excess)... you can see where I'm going with this.

And by the way, the post I linked at the very beginning? Well, they worked out the location of where this running loop is, and judging by Mahiru’s position and direction it would suggest she’s already jogged about 5km and beginning another loop. So we’re looking at a jog ranging from 5-10km (or more)...

The Alcohol

Okay, here's a quick pop quiz question for you. Who is more likely to get drunk on the same volume of alcohol: a 5"1 woman, or an average height (5"7 in Japan) man?

In theory, it should be the 5"7 man on the basis of his height and size. Alcohol tolerance goes up the bigger you are. 

So why is it that the boyfriend ended up blackout drunk, and Mahiru... didn't?

Let’s take a look at the comment:

��My first date at a bar, how heartpounding!

Here is where I learned he’s the biggest lightweight I’ve ever met! ...or maybe I’m just really good at holding alcohol?

Whatever the case, blackout drunk him is so cute!”

Three possible options:

Mahiru really can 'hold her liquor'. Judging by her sheltered home life and general lack of adult life experience though, I'm gonna press x to doubt here sorry mappi.

The boyfriend drunk more alcohol than Mahiru. Also unlikely, as she calls him a 'lightweight' and I think she would've highlighted this in her comment.

He drank on an empty stomach. Alcohol absorbs way faster if you haven't had anything to eat beforehand. This, I think is the most likely scenario.

Here's a little more on the subject that I found interesting:

You absorb 20 per cent of alcohol into your bloodstream through your stomach and the rest into your bloodstream through your small intestine.

Drinking a small amount of alcohol stimulates your appetite because it increases the flow of stomach juices. A large amount of alcohol dulls your appetite and can cause malnutrition. (source)

What have we learnt so far?

So we’ve established some concerning behaviours here.

He eats in excess

He exercises in excess

He drinks in excess (on an empty stomach)

I’m actually going to move onto material from the ‘I Love You’ MV, but intertwine it with some of the remaining points from TIHTBILWY. 

At this point the relationship has progressed, we’re moving into winter which brings with it the holiday season! Yay! Except not yay, because things are starting to look really bad for Mahiru’s boyfriend. We've gone from this:

To this:

The carousel was fine at first but now it’s taking its toll on him. Both of them have tattered clothes but Mahiru looks optimistic, whilst the boyfriend looks very distraught. His cheekbones are visible and overall he looks a lot less healthy. I guess this is a good time to point out how distinct and visible his collarbone has been this entire time by the way? He’s even bonier than before. Not great.

A lot of events occur at this time of year, such as Christmas (celebrated between couples in Japan as more of a lovers holiday) and new years. What happens a lot during that period of time? Food. Lots of it. This point in the year is not ideal for someone suffering from a worsening eating disorder. This is a period of time which someone would want to move very quickly from because they can’t see the end of it.

I think it’s time to read Mahiru’s comment from day 15:

“Happy new years! To celebrate, we went to a shrine.

Predictably, I already have my wish in mind.

May we stay like this until the end of time.

May nobody stand in my way”

She, on the other hand, is very happy for things to remain as they are.

Day 16 - AKA, Oh No Things Have Gone Terribly Wrong

This is where the narrative hits its climax and everything starts to snowball.

Now, we reach this scene where the boyfriend stops walking and breaks down. He kneels on the ground, digs his nails into it, and pleads for... something. Help? An intervention? A stop to this carousel that’s doing him no good and only making his health (physical and mental) worse?

He never speaks. It is a silent plea.

One that Mahiru misses.

Saying I love you but doing what I did, I know I have no right, crossed and covered in sin

My love, it scored an own goal, destroyed my love and me with its weight

Tell me, oh tell me why, can’t I just do it right

What did you do, Mahiru?

I believe that this scene and response:

Is directly parallel to this event:

As in, they’re the same thing. 

One more comment to read:

He’ll be in for a big, delicious surprise once he gets home!

I’ve made SO many notes about his favorite foods, and practiced my butt off!

I can’t wait to see the look on his face when he sees it all.

Her love - her surprise buffet to cheer him up - scored an own goal, so to speak.

I don’t think I need to say much about this picture, or this scene. She’s giving him excess but that excess is literally driving him over the edge. The nuance is lost between them, and they both need different things from each other and they’re not getting it. Cake to rats, rats to cake.

They’re back on the carousel, spinning around and around with things never changing, no end in sight.

I want to end on this frame of the MV. You see the pole behind the boyfriend? It’s reminding me of rope, and of a certain visual at the end of the video. The juxtaposition of Mahiru forcing her ‘love’ onto him, and of suicidal ideation being the only way off this ride and his problems.

[begrudging-fudanshi]

So i stared reading windbreaker after i saw your post about it , it's wholesome manga with amazing fights

in your opinion Why didn't nii satoru reveal Sakura's past until now ? Why was Sakura alone ?

Hell yeah. Welcome to the fandom. I'm glad my propaganda has been working.

To be honest, I've been thinking about this series way too much over the last couple weeks, so this is probably going to be A Lot. I am dumping a lot of accumulated thoughts in here and simultaneously trying to keep a bunch of other thoughts from cluttering it up. If any of this feels disjointed, it's because I've been trying (I swear) to not make this like 10,000 words long lmao.

(CW: Wind Breaker manga spoilers + discussion of child neglect, trauma, feelings of worthlessness, parental loss, grief, and a suicide attempt in the context of the series. Hope you're ready for some pain.)

I'm going to answer your questions in reverse order, because I think they're actually very closely connected.

Sadly, my read on Sakura's past is really dark. Based on what we know so far, there's a lot to suggest that Sakura has been badly neglected for a long time, both physically and emotionally. Based on his lifestyle and the way he talks about himself, I really struggle to believe that he's received any genuine affection or care in many years, if ever. (I'm so glad he was able to go to Furin.)

The flashbacks at the start of episode 1 of the anime suggest he was taken in by relatives who didn't want him, and I think they basically set him up for failure in every way. They seem to have done the bare minimum required of them by the law, like sending him to school, but I can see no evidence that they did much of anything else. Like, what kind of asshole sends a 15-year-old kid to live alone in a barren apartment with literally nothing to wear except his school uniform? Caring people wouldn't let a kid live like that. (That said, I have a bad feeling that his lifestyle seen in chapter 56 is an upgrade compared to what he had before.)

Given this, it's clear Sakura really means it when he says he's always done things by himself. I think this is why he looks so torn up when his friends show him real kindness and why he's so sensitive to anyone showing affection. I also think this means that he really wants to forget his past. This is a big part of why we haven't seen it revealed yet: Sakura isn't ready to revisit it, himself.

---

Something interesting about Wind Breaker's backstories is that they all (as far as I and my notes can remember) follow a consistent pattern. They're not just lore dumps that tell us about the character's past. They actually follow each character through a process of changing their beliefs about themselves, often based on their view of the past. This is why they're all in the first person. Some of these changes happen in the present while others are part of flashbacks, but either way the process is basically the same.

In each backstory, the character starts out believing something about themselves that gives rise to a contradiction that keeps them trapped. This belief somehow keeps them from living their best life and, often, stops them from changing their ways to make their best life possible. However, someone else helps them challenge that belief, giving rise to a revelation that lets them change how they see themselves. This change enables them to see new possibilities and lets them move forward towards the life they want.

For example:

Umemiya believed his parents would blame him for their deaths, so he couldn't let himself grieve them nor believe that he deserved to live. His guilt blocked out his memory of the event, keeping him from remembering what really happened. However, a nameless(?) Furin student and Shitara helped him realize that his parents saved him and were happy to see him survive. Thus, he was able to grieve and imagine a future for himself other than his self-destruction.

Kaji believed that his rage was uncontrollable and couldn't even see himself as human. Hiragi helped him realize that he could manage his triggers and change his behavior to be able to find acceptance and live his life.

Tsubaki believed that she couldn't like pretty things or express herself how she wanted. Ito and Yui helped her learn to dress up and present herself the way she liked, allowing her to accept herself and transition. (I know she's not canonically transgender but that's still the best way I can see to describe it.)

After Yui's death, Ito believed that she might never have truly loved him. Tsubaki, Sakura, Suo, and Nirei help him realize the secret meaning of the tree that she planted in his garden, letting him live his life without worrying if she was truly happy.

What's important here is that the character must be ready to have their beliefs about themselves challenged so they can understand their full truth. Otherwise, their story of their past would be incomplete. (Consider what Umemiya's backstory would have sounded like if he still believed he was a murderer.) In fact, we already have an example of this that I'll get to, next.

Because Sakura isn't yet in a position to challenge the beliefs holding him back, he can't reveal his past, either. He has friends helping him, but it's going to be a while before they've truly shaken his most unhelpful beliefs.

---

That said, this process has actually played out with Sakura once before and I think it tells us a lot. It shows us exactly why he's not ready to reveal his past.

In chapter 1, Sakura starts out believing that he's meant to always be alone, leading him to initially reject the people of Makochi. Then, Kotoha helps him acknowledge that he does want to be accepted and convinces him to give it a shot. However, while this is great progress and very necessary for Sakura's growth, this isn't a complete resolution. He still has an even more deep-seated belief that has to be addressed.

In addition to asserting that he's meant to be alone, Sakura also lays out another belief in chapter 1 that I argue really gets to the root of his deepest trauma. He doesn't quite say it explicitly, but it underpins both his belief that he's meant to be alone and that he's worth nothing but his fists.

The closest he comes to naming it is when he describes Furin. He says it's "The lowest of the low, hated by all others, worth nothing but their fists … It's a battle to determine the trashiest of the trash. That suits me perfectly."

I have to admit, the first few times I heard and read this, I completely missed how fucked up it is for a 15-year-old kid to say this about himself. I think I've gotten so used to taking shonen protagonists' confident declarations at face value that I just didn't question it, in the same way I've learned not to question, say, 12-year-old Gon deciding to become a pro hunter and travel the world fighting adults. The way it's presented very deliberately (and, I think, cleverly) blunts the impact as well, making use of shonen stylistic conventions to disguise it as stereotypical shonen protagonist bluster. This mirrors how Sakura masks his deeper feelings about himself.

However, as I read through the rest of the manga, it became clear that this is what Sakura actually, deeply believes. He's 15 years old and he truly sees himself as trash—in other words, worthless. The only way he can imagine finding worth in himself is through his strength. Even then, this is only for Sakura himself. He can't let himself imagine anyone else ever valuing him for any reason, so he must find self-worth all on his own. To put it more sharply, he can't imagine deserving unconditional love. Based on what little we do know about his past, this belief stems from a lifetime of emotional neglect.

The thing is, Sakura's belief that he's worthless is actually, paradoxically, a coping mechanism. As horrible as it is, it helps him rationalize his life in a way that lets him keep living despite his neglect and isolation. If he's truly worthless, then he's never had a reason to expect being loved or accepted by anyone—he's always been meant to be alone. This is how he can tell himself that he doesn't care and has given up. This lets him bury the pain of his isolation and pretend it doesn't truly hurt. By believing that he has always been worthless and unable to be (to deserve being) loved, he has had no reason to get his hopes up for the future, nor any reason to question why he's been treated so badly in the past. He can accept it (has to accept it), even if he hates it, because it was always inevitable.

Notice how Sakura reminds himself that he's given up right before punching the Spaltips' leader in chapter 1. This is the story he tells himself to contain the hurt. He does something similar in chapter 56, reminding himself that he's supposed to be alone as he grapples with his friends' kindness. He bludgeons himself with this reminder as a way to push away thoughts about his past. He then shifts his focus to thinking about his growing care for his friends rather than his feelings about himself. Once again, Sakura makes himself turn away.

The trouble is, this belief is his only means of holding back an unfathomable amount of pain inside of him. It's the only way he knows how to live with all the myriad ways he's been treated like shit. To doubt his own worthlessness, therefore, is to expose himself to overwhelming grief. Because, if he isn't worthless, he then has to ask himself why he had to suffer for so long. That kind of question is too awful for him—for pretty much anyone—to face on their own. This coping mechanism protects him, but it also traps him and prevents him from finding relief.

This comes to a head in chapter 1, as the townspeople surround him and the old woman tries to tend to his wound. As she reaches towards him, he screams at her to stay away. This act of genuine kindness fills him with terror. It's not just that he fears eventual rejection—Sakura fears the idea he could be accepted at all. Remember, he's just "failed" to win the fight and, worse, ended up having to be protected because he got hurt. Sakura could accept Kotoha's kindness earlier because he "earned" it by stopping her attackers, but now there's someone trying to help him for what feels like no reason. For Sakura, who must believe that he was never meant to be loved or accepted, being shown kindness for no apparent reason feels like an existential threat. It threatens to undermine the walls that he's built inside of him to keep going. This is why he allows Kotoha to help him instead—he can still rationalize her help as transactional.

This rationalization provides his means of escape. To accept his place in Makochi, he only has to accept that he doesn't have to be alone. He doesn't have to believe that he can be valued or loved unconditionally, nor that he deserved anything better. Instead, Sakura finds a way to "earn" his acceptance: The chapter culminates with Sakura accepting Bofurin, which he shows by leaping over all the others to kick the Spaltips' leader in the face.

By showing his strength, by upstaging the heroes and claiming his place among them, Sakura proves (to himself) that he is strong enough to be accepted. Rather than accept that he could always have been valued and accepted unconditionally—that he always could have been loved—Sakura would rather believe he's earned his acceptance based on his strength.

In this way, Sakura can continue to believe in his own worthlessness, saving himself from having to face his past. Because of this, even as he's learned that he can be accepted, he still maintained his belief that he was meant to be alone from the start (again, see chapter 56). This lets him continue to justify his past suffering and minimize his own pain.

This comes back around in chapter 162, when Sakura's classmates talk about his low self-esteem. Despite their efforts to show him that he's loved and valued, Sakura ultimately still believes he's only worth his strength. We see how he rejects Umemiya's praise, unable to understand how he could be praised when he "failed". Sakura can't believe he could be valued when he couldn't even single-handedly save the town.

But, as long as he believes this, his past will remain a mystery, not just to his friends and to us as readers, but even to Sakura himself. Just as Umemiya's repression kept him from realizing that his parents loved him, Sakura's repression keeps him from realizing that he has always deserved to be loved. He cannot acknowledge, can't even recognize, the pain he's endured in his life, because he still has to believe it didn't matter. Because of this, he can't let himself grieve or admit that he has always deserved better. He's still trapped believing he must always prove his worth through his strength alone.

Of course, changing this isn't going to be easy. He will get there. His friends will help him through it. Still, it's going to be rough. I think it'll be a while yet before he's ready to tell us about his past.

---

Addendum

All of that being said, something I really love about Wind Breaker is how hopeful it is and the way it shows Sakura living despite his past. To that end, I want to note one last thing: Sakura can still smile, despite everything else. No matter what he tells himself, he still feels hope.

I mentioned above that I didn't recognize Sakura's low self-esteem at first because it's masked with stereotypical shonen protagonist confidence. I think this is very deliberate by the author. We're supposed to see Sakura as cool, confident, and badass in the beginning, only to realize that he's also hurting inside. (Emphasis: that's also, not instead. These aren't mutually exclusive.) Sakura's cocky grin is part of a mask he wears, but it's not a lie.

While I believe Sakura has suffered a lot, it's important to emphasize that he's not broken or doomed to drown in grief. What I've laid out here is what I believe is going on beneath the surface, and I do believe he's going to have to face his trauma eventually, but let's not forget that our boy can still smile after all of that. The fact that he can smile doesn't mean that he's not hurting, but the fact that he's hurting doesn't mean he only feels pain. Let's not do him dirty by miring our view of him in grief. Instead, as we acknowledge how much he's suffered, let's also be happy at just how far he's come and hopeful for how far he'll go in the future.

[tollundwoman]

I will fully cop to the fact that Undead Unluck is like basically a melting pot of shit that is quintessentially me-core, and that 100% colors my view of it. However, on the other hand, I don't care, this shit is still fucking complete fuego top to bottom.

Like, i get that the humor at the start is very unsavory and hard to swallow for some people, and I don't hold that against them. But the way it pays off on the initial rocky relationship between Andy and Fuuko is 10000000000000000000000000000% worth the price of admission.

And like, the character designs coupled with the art scratch a fucking primal itch in my brain. I could *look* at Undead Unluck forever. It's such a goddamn FUN style, and it's matched by a strong grasp on slick, readable page layouts. Not to mention the way the series is constantly moving its setting. In the first, like, thirty chapters alone, they go to Japan, Russia, The USA, Brazil, Australia, etc. I'm such a sucker for globe trotting.

The cast is very visually diverse. They all look cool, and so it's appealing to me on that level, but you can also just TELL that Tosuka adores his OCs. Like, fucking Void Volks, the basically nameless and faceless redshirt from volume 1? Yeah he's a core member of the cast now. Gina? The woman who died in volume 2 to advance Fuuko's plot? No she gets her happy ending actually and she gets to actually be friends with Fuuko. Like you want to talk about side cast utilization, this series should be setting a new fucking gold standard in WSJ as far as im concerned, One Piece notwithstanding.

And the worldbuilding. God, the worldbuilding. I'm a sucker for SCP/Magnus Archives-esque shit on a subatomic level and UDUL doesn't disappoint at all.

God, and how the powersystem is intrinsically tied to the worldbuilding on such a goddamn fundamental level, and how basically every superpower in the series has a purpose outside of combat, and just god shit fuck it's so fucking god damn good and I just wish I could like fucking bottle up the feelings that I feel about this series as an Imbibable Liquid and have you all drink it to actually understand how much I love this series because I genuinely feel that a) I will never be able to *fully* articulate why I love this series and b) I also totally understand why someone would think I'm a fuckin maniac for just how strong my feelings about it are. Like it's probably the epitome of like, "That Pretty Good thing that is just randomly a masterpiece to one specific person on the planet." But I happen to be that one specific person, and to me, Undead Unluck is That Pretty Good Thing.

[linkspooky]

BUNGOU STRAY DOGS, CHAPTER 127 THOUGHTS

There are some incredibly interesting parallels in the Akutagawa vs. Atsushi fight, and the standoff between Dosteovsky and Sigma going on this chapter. Especially in regards to how three of them are related to Dazai. Let's look at the parallels and the potential future for these characters under the cut

1. Dazai-san, Dazai-san, Dazai-san!

One of the most interesting parallels in this chapter is the relationship to Dazai that all three of these characters have. Akutagawa who Dazai recruited to the mafia, Atsushi who he recruited to the Detective Agency, and now Sigma who he chose as his item to escape from the prison and it looks like if they get out alive together he will invite to join the agency.

More specifically though, I want to analyze it in terms of Dostoevsky's statement to Sigma. That Dazai preyed upon Sigma's desire for a home, and then waved becoming a member of the detective agency over his head in order to get Sigma to do what he wants.

While it seems to be a pretty transparent ploy on Dostoevsky's part in order to get Sigma to question his alliance with Dazai, after all Sigma has him at gunpoint and apparently cornered. He would say or do anything to get out of the situation, and it's not like Dostoevsky is against manipulating people.

At the same time, I think it's Dos's statement is more along the lines of a half-lie, and half-truth. Dazai is, after all, not someone who goes around adopting orphans out of the goodness of his heart. He's not also someone who's so selfish that he only views people as tools for a larger objective. Dazai's character lies in the nuance between those two extremes.

Which is why I want to say there is a half-truth to Dos's statement. Dazai himself even confirmed this earlier, he had two reasons for recruiting Sigma, the first is that his ability will be useful, and the second is that he knew Do would kill him if he didn't choose Sigma.

The nuance lies there, you can both genuinely want to save or even care about someone, and you can also go so far as manipulate them. In general, my interpretation is that Dazai tries to manipulate people into doing what he thinks is best for them. After all, Sigma needs a place to stay, and the detective agency would be a home and a happy ending for him.

However, dirty methods for a good result doesn't always get the result you intended. Before returning to Sigma I want to briefly talk about the Atsushi and Sigma parallels. Atsushi is clearly set up as a foil to Sigma, Atsushi even goes out of his way and is especially compelled to try to save Sigma while he's falling.

Atsushi at first only saves Sigma because of the page, but then he starts to empathize with him after hearing the utter bleakness of his dying words. At which point he is personally trying to save him, causing Sigma to call him kind. Atsushi obviously also relates to those words, because he's so desperate to have a greater purpose in the world, to be an extraordinary hero rather than a nameless orphan.

Atsushi, Akutagawa, and Sigma are all orphans who have essentially had Dazai sweep into their lives and recruit them into an organization, giving them a home when they previously didn't have one. The detective agency is also, a much healthier environment for Atsushi obviously, because he's in a better place than say Akutagawa who was left behind in the mafia and spent a lot of the beginning of BSD bitter and spiraling because of that.

However, there's a pretty serious downside to the way Dazai recruited both Atsushi and Akutagawa. Akutagawa's strained relationship with Dazai is pretty obvious, so rather than dwell on that let's talk about Atsushi for a second.

Atusshi's extreme indecisiveness has been highlighted this arc over and over again. An Atsushi removed from the detective agency, and more particularly Dazai is constantly struggling to make decisions for himself. I don't believe in this case though, that Atsushi's upbringing in the orphanage is entirely to blame for this.

There are two reasons I would lay the blame for Atsushi's total indecisiveness at Dazai's feet more than anyone else.

First is, Dazai's habit is to manipulate people for their own good, but also to take away decisions from them. Second is when Dazai helps people, it's always with the unwritten implication that they now owe him for his help. Even if he doesn't directly say it, Atsushi obviously believes that he has to EARN his place in the detective agency.

This is Dazai. He nudges them in the direction that he thinks is best for them. Sometimes this takes the form of everyone just following Dazai's plan, because he's the machiavellian scheme r of the group, just Atsushi going where Dazai wants him to go, and fighting who Dazai wants him to fight. Or, like the scenes where Dazai deliberately staged a test to let Kyouka join the agency that would also make her overcome her death wish.

Sometimes, this takes the form of Dazai pitting Atsushi and Akutagawa against each other, two people who might have gotten along a lot earlier and sympathized with each other, if Dazai hadn't made them fight each other because HE THOUGHT that was the best way to make their individual abilities stronger.

Like, yes Akutagawa was in the mafia and murder is a big no-no for Atsushi, but Atsushi was able to sympathize with a murderer like Kyouka from very early on despite being aware of all her crimes. There wasn't really any reason for Atsushi and AKutagawa to fight, until Dazai made one.

However, this isn't to question the morality of Dazai's actions in making people's choices for them, but rather to point out the results. There's a reason that every. single. time. Atsushi cannot make a decision for himself he pictures Dazai suddenly showing up and telling him the answer.

By positioning himself as Atsushi's savior, and even giving Atsushi a home, Dazai's basically put himself in a position where number one Atsushi believes in a pretty idealized version of Dazai, and number Atsushi thinks he OWES Dazai. These things make Atsushi pretty obedient to Dazai in general. There's a reason that in Beast which is the darkest timeline for Atsushi, Atsushi is so paralyzingly afraid of making his own decisions he has a mental breakdown unless Dazai gives him orders to follow. He literally wears a collar that Dazai gave him.

Now, for Atsushi in the main story, aren't we witnessing him go through something similiar? Sure, he's not massacring people and breaking down in tears like White Reaper Atsushi, but every time someone throws up a roadblock on his path he literally begs Dazai to show up, and when he doesn't he imagines Dazai magically telling him what to do.

All of these subtle manipulations have made Atsushi pretty obedient to Dazai, and also, doubtful of his stability in the detective agency and left with the idea he has to earn his keep. Now in an arc where Atsushi is separted from the detective agency for a long time now, and also separated from Dazai and unable to follow his plans we are watching him continually choke underneath the pressure.

Which is where we get the results of Dazai's dirtier methods, Dazai isn't really raising Atsushi into a strong, independent adult, he's making Atsushi into a tool. I don't think his intentions are fully to use Atsushi as a tool, but rather his methods end up with that result.

There's a difference between the way Dazai takes in orphans, and the way Oda does. He says as much in Dark era.

"I have this friend who's supporting several orphans all on his own, you see," he continued his weapon still drawn and aimed at the boy. "Akutagawa, I'm sure Odadsaku would've been patient enough to give you the guideance you needed had he been the oe who found you on the brink of starvation in the slums. That would've been the "right" thing to do. But "righteousness" doesn't sit kindly to me. And there's only one thing that people like me do to useless subordinates."

Obviously, Dazai's undergone character development since then, but just compare the orphans Dazai takes in to the ones that Oda does. Oda's orphans don't have any special abilities or talents, they're just kids that he raises and supports with money. Atsushi, Akutagawa, and even Sigma all have an ability that benefits Dazai in some way.

In fact, in the AU where Oda does take Akutagawa in, despite having an incredibly overpowered ability, Akutagawa doesn't get to join the agency until he's undergone personal development and spent time with every single member to learn how to be a better person first.

Which is what Akutagawa needs, he's constantly stuck in survival mode and believes everything is a vicious battle for his life, much like Atsushi he's never been allowed to be a normal kid for a single second in his life. Beast allows Akutagawa to develop as a person rather than a Beast fighting to survive.

Dazai skips a pretty important step in their personal growth for all three of them, focusing more into shaping what he needs them to be for a greater mission.

Atsushi's still working to earn someone else's praise, Akutagawa's still ready to die for Dazai's sake because he believes that will give his life meaning, Sigma is still desperate to do anything that will give him a home. Mori, of all people in the Beast Epilogue, points out that this is the wrong way to raise a child, because you don't raise a child to be what YOU WANT THEM TO BE. You raise them so they can grow up and figure out what THEY WANT TO BE, and grow into their own person.

To give Dazai the benefit of the doubt, he's probably not doing this intentionally, but the result of it is that both Akutagawa and Atsushi are very, very compliant with his orders. After all, if they were like, free thinking adults they might disagree with him or tell him no.

Which is why while it is a good thing for Sigma to join the detective agency, and is probably the best ending for him, at the same time Dazai just dangling joining the detective agency out there to Sigma as bait to get him to do what he wants is not starting out on the right foot.

Because Dazai doesn't save people out of the goodness of his heart, he takes people in and then they owe him something back. Which is what Dos is trying to get at when undermining Sigma.

The detective agency is a much better place for Sigma, but if Sigma joins the detective agency because he think he owes Dazai, or the agency something for giving him a home, it's essentially a repeat of the way that Dos used him. Atsushi has the same desperation to continually prove himself to the agency, as Sigma once did to try to protect the casino.

2. SAVE ME!

Now to finally focus on the Sigma and Akutagawa parallels, both Akutagawa and Sigma are characters who are most likely going to finish their arcs by joining the detective agency. They are also both orphans who need to be saved.

A particularly strong parallel between the two of them is that they were both initially taken into a harmful organization, only because of their ability. Akutagawa is a starving child in the slums, but he so happened to be born with an insanely strong ability to turn his clothing into weapons which causes Dazai to fish him out of the slums and bring him into the mafia which is his current "home" so to speak. Though, a home where he has to earn his keep and is considered disposable if he's not useful.

Sigma was literally created by the book, and then found, and given a place to call home by Dostoevsky, implicitly because his ability was useful. He also once agan, put Sigma into a position where he had to earn his keep. He took advantage of the fact Sigma came from nothing and had no home, and was terrified of going back to having nothing to make him willing to risk his life and everything else to defend the sky casino.

They are both deceived into thinking they have been saved or taken in, when really they are still fighting for their own survival. It's what stunts their growth so much as people, if you're continually in survival mode, and completely insecure in your living situation and attachment to other people then how are you supposed to grow and develop as a person?

They are also essentially people who come from "nothing" though the nothing is poverty in Akutagawa's case, they're also people who were victimized by crimminal organizations, Sigma by human traffickers, and Atsushi by the port Mafia, until they were rescued by their not-so-benevolent "saviors."

They are also, both in a way resigned to their own deaths. Sigma accepts falling off of the casino to his death, and thanks Atsushi for simply TRYING to save him (please get higher standards Sigma). Akutagawa's accepted that he's going to die soon for his illness, so he's willing to put everythig on the line in a final gambit to pass Dazai's "TEST" and then make Dazai's promise that he will give meaning to Akutagawa's death.

Sigma: I never understood what I was born for.

Akutagawa: I want you to find a reason.. a meaning to my life."

They're also looking for someone else to give them the answer to themeaning of their life, and the person who promises that they feel indebted to. Sigma is of course, a little more aware than Dos is using him than Akutagawa is towards Dazai, but they both end up ultimately doing what Dos and Dazai wants them to do.

They've been taken in by someone, but they haven't been saved, which is why both of them are so easily resigned to their death. This is also where Atsushi comes in for both characters. Yes, it's Atsushi's bad habit to play hero. He saves people because he wants someone to protect, because protecting someone makes him feel like he's needed and worthy to live.

However, while Atsushi may have self-interested reasons for saving people that he doesn't seem fully aware of yet, I also believe he's more capable of relating to their personal feelings as a fellow victim than Dazai is. The moments when Atsushi truly saves someone is when he relates to them, when he exposes his own scarring and vulnerability to them in a way of saying "Hey, I'm suffering through this too that's why I want to help you."

That's why say, Atsushi's bond with Lucy just feels more natural and less codependent than his bond does with Kyouka. Atsushi didn't start with Lucy by thinking (Hey, if I protect her does that mean I'm a good boy and earn good boy points???) Also, Atsushi explicitly did not show up and save Lucy despite the fact he promised to. Because his moment of saving her wasn't showing up as a hero and rescuing her as a damsel, but relating to her feelings.

Atsushi also explicitly fails at saving Sigma. He goes the extra mile to try to save him, but Sigma falls anyway. Yet, Sigma remarks that Atsushi is kind because he empathized with the part of Sigma that believes he didn't mean anything to anyone in the world and was ultimately disposable. Which shows underneath this big hero persona that Atsushi puts on, he is genuinely someone who wants to help people who are lonely and scared just like he is.

So, Atsushi's approach to saving both Akutagwa and Sigma is different from Dazai's approach. I'm not going to say because Atsushi is more empathic and Dazai is low-empathy that Atsushi is a better person.

No, I think it's more like Atsushi tries to approach them as equals. At least, when he doesn't see them as a damsel in distress to earn good boy points, Atsushi is capable of exposing a part of himself to these people and showing them they're not alone in their suffering. Dazai is so distant to other people, he doesn't know how to relate to them on their level. Which is why he always takes control in the relationship.

Which is where we get to this chapter, Dazai isn't Akutagawa's savior. Atsushi is. This is the great narrative challenge that has been set up for Atsushi.

Atsushi and Sigma are both stuck in a situation where someone they don't udnerstand has just selflessly tried to save them for reasons they don't understand. (I won't dwell on this too long, but I think Dazai was genuinely willing to risk his life and put Sigma's life above his own, not just because Sigma's useful to the detective agency but because he's an innocent).

Atsushi doesn't understand why Akutagawa would selflessly sacrifice himself to save Atsushi. Partially, because Atsushi has been trained to see the bad in Akuatagawa rather than the good in him (hello there, Dazai).

However, on top of that I think geuniely Atsushi doesn't really understand that someone would go out of their way to save him without asking him something in return. It's not just the selfless action coming from Akutagawa that baffles him, but the selflessness of the action itself.

As for speculating for Akutagawa's reasons for saving Atsushi, I think it goes back to Atsushi's reasons for helping Lucy, there's something similiar about the wounds they've suffered in the past and Akutagawa sees that in Atsushi and relates to his pain. A lot of the attempts to connect have been on Akutagawa's part.

He comforted Atsushi the day that the orphanage headmaster died. When Atsushi challenges him not to kill people, Akutagawa genuinely keeps his end of the bargain. Akutagawa does attempt to take care of the people he sees himself in in his own way, he did it for Kyouka in a twisted way, and was genuinely happy for her when he saw she no longer wanted to die.

Atsushi tells Lucy that just letting innocent people in the street die as a part of the guild's plan, would be the same as letting the childhood versions of themselves die. It'd be repeating what was done to them. Atsushi, Akutagawa, Lucy they've all been wounded because the people in their lives who were supposed to take care of them didn't. Now, despite those wounds, all three also attempt to reach out and take care of others, because they know what being abandoned is like.

Akutagawa probably just saved Atsushi because he relates to him, coupled on top of the fact that Akutagawa knew he was going to die soon, so if one of them was going to live might as well be the one who has a life to live and a chance at happiness.

Akutagawa has also, due to the vampire's power in him, basically become a dark and twisted version of what Dazai intended him to be. Dazai scouted him for his ability, and then made his ability strong without really caring about who Akutagawa was or what his needs were as a person.

He also made Akutagawa into someone willing to die to earn his praise. Now we have Akutagawa as a literal undead zombie, that just violently attacks everything near him. He doesn't even bother to defend himself, just like Akutagawa has no regard for his own life. He just attacks, regenerates, and attacks, he's a living weapon of violence. He's a mindless zombie too, just like in his previous life he was pretty obedient to Dazai's orders.

Which is exactly the narrative challenge that is being set up here for Atsushi. Akutagawa saved Atsushi because he saw something of himself in him, but also because he believed he was going to die anyway and he was less worthy of salvation. Now it is time for Atsushi to return the favor to Akutagawa. Akutagawa won't save himself, and he won't get better with outside help, so he needs someone else to convince him that there's more to life than what he's currently seeing.

It's a narrative challenge especially because killing him would be the easier option here, Akutagawa is already dead technically, and a mindless zombie that will keep attacking everyone around him until someone puts a bullet in his brain, and then another one to double tap.

Yet, Atsushi isn't doing that. He doesn't even considering it an option. He jumps straight to trying to reason with Akutagawa even in mindless zombie mode. It's already been hinted last chapter that Akutagawa might still be in there because he didn't immediately go after Bram Stoker. Now, not only does Atsushi believe that he can reach Akuatagawa, he's actively trying to reach out for him.

Which really is just tremendous character growth on Atsushi's part. He's finally learning to see Akutagawa as a person and trying to reach that person. To do otherwise would be to abandon the child he used to be.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Manga Review, ch (92-93)

That was painful & so well-written! This analysis will focus on kyokyo mainly & faintly on her effect on kyo. Although, her story affects tohru’s life immensely, I won’t analyze tohru’s part & will wait until it’s a tohru’s chapter to use the knowledge of kyoko’s past to better read tohru’s mind & understand her decisions! Can’t wait! after all, that’s why I’ve read the manga to begin with!

-Kyoko’s Atonement:  (the weight of words):

 Kyoko breaks down after she learns she’s expecting. Why? cuz she hurt her mom. The notion that “yeah my parents caused me emotional trauma & so I’mma hurt them as well” is toxic & burdening as it starts a cycle of pain. Kyoko was right. She had no idea how her mom felt seeing her rebel, or follow violence or hear her harsh words. I’m not cleansing the mom from guilt nor responsibility. I’m just saying since the mom’s pov is blocked from us, assuming shes similar to the dad is wrong. kyoko’s fear of being punished with a child similar to herself is genuine, realistic & refreshing to see expressed in anime! usually character like kyoko are cool & brave, but here she’s humanly weak & doubtful. LOVE IT!

Moreover, in furuba words weigh on ppl & have consequences. We see this with kyo. His dad destroyed him verbally with words “ not my fault, it’s yours” that kyo echoes back to yuki! meaning the consequences of the dad’s words cause harm to his wife, kyo & even yuki!. Kyo was tormented with his own words for long time & clung to them even more in order not to resort to suicide! “ not my fault, it’s the rat’s” . Words can crush you down so bad if you hear them from loved ones, & worse if you utter them back to other loved ones! here kyoko learned that just the mere thought of her future child echoing her words back to her would torment her to death! Excellent writing!

-Katsuya invented Furuba’s vision (Accepting weakness & moving on):

The teachings of kyoko & tohru were really katsuya’s after all. I’m fne with that. These teachings are the core of Furuba’s vision. He tells kyoko to accept that she’s weak, afraid & doubtful. it’s okay. But gives her tools to move on. Your kid isn’t you. They’re an individual person. As parents all we can do is give love/hugs (sth kyoko’s parents didnt do), listen to them (sth yuki’s parents didnt do) & if they do sth wrong will explain it & teach them well (sth kyo’s parents didn’t do, his wrong deed was being born a cat spirit & he was hated for it with no explanation, mom gave lots of “fake” love & escaped by death, dad became a raging monster). Accepting weakness & moving on is what the cursed sohmnas needed to do to heal & what tohru taught them. Off course, tohru herself struggled to follow her own teachings & that’s amazingly realistic!

-Kyoko’s guilt (punishment brings ease):

Kyoko wanted to be punished so harsh for her husband’s death. The gossip got to her. She failed him as a life’s companion. Taking care of our loved ones is a duty we carry with much love & care. Them slipping away is perceived as us failing by none than ourselves. The thing is, death comes with no warning at times. It was his time to leave. Accepting it or not, wont bring him back, but accepting it will help kyoko deal with pain while not accepting will cause more pain for her & tohru.

One of the most painful things abt grief is that it’s personal. Life continues around you. Only you feel it.  “didn’t the world end when katsuya died”. No kyoko. Only you died emotionally. Only him died physically. Kyo once said “ mom why didn’t you kill me instead”. A different reaction to grief, guilt & pain, but same conclusion: neither katsuya nor kyo’s mom are coming back no matter how much pain kyo or kyoko felt.

Kyoko found ease in emotional death, neglecting & refusing life, punishing herself for staying after him.

kyo found ease in rage & blaming others as he his father did, later he’ll escape to emotional & physical slow death “ cat cage/confinement”.

tohru... found ease in pretending "I’m okay” & her mom is alive.. but not physically.. emotionally, so she’ll ignore the truth & live only for her.

Didn’t I say grief is harsh, weird & very very personal. It’s hard to explain, deal with & heal. The mere words of consolation hurt cuz the grieving ones dont want to accept loved one are really gone. Her dad’s harsh words cemented the “emotional death” that kyoko felt. I’m not needed. neither katsuya. nor parents in general. depression. misery. sadness. emptiness.

-The tv show helped to trigger kyoko’s desire to “meet” katsuya. She has already reached the conclusion that she isnt needed. So, the tv show with their words of the deceased wanting you to be happy. triggered her into misinterpreting the words as to mean her death NOT fuel her to live in his memory as intended.

- “Loosing your way first before finding your answer” is okay & so human!:

Ironically..Tohru... was the person Kyoko was punishing NOT herself: By being emotionally dead, kyoko neglected her daughter. Her world shouldnt be just one person. There are others. Katsuya himself gave her a person to love. Tohru. Kyoko chose death & unintentionally set tohru into a world of loneliness 10 times harsher thsn what kyoko faced. She was about to do, but was saved by a nameless child who reminded her of tohru. She chose wrong first but later saw her answer. Kyo chose death by accepting the confinement & he, too, unintentionally set tohru into a world of loneliness 10 times harsher if he wasnt with her. He chose wrong first but later saw his answer. Off course kyo’s story is more developed & complicated as he dealt with bigger issues than just tohru & his answer wasn't just loving tohru alone but also loving himself & choosing to live for them both: himself & tohru.

-Kyo’s guilt is a concussion thought eating him alive:

Part of why kyo’s story was one of the most human & complex is due him loosing his way first, failing, repeating mistakes “ I always though that hurting ppl was the only thing I was good at, after all, isnt that why mom died?” Kyo’s nightmare being a conscious effect of hearing tohru’s talk abt “ videos & memories of loved ones” is 1000 times stronger & more human than a cliche effect of seeing a “ hat” & to revive a a blocked memory... What the hell!! truly disgusting how the emotional weigh is reduced for stupid cliche drama !!!!!! ..

Anyway, kyo actively & consciously wanted punishment .He was sure that kyoko blamed him” I wont forgive you” can only mean what it literally means. The purpose of the nightmare is to cause kyo to seek “ emotional death” like kyoko & to loose his path more. It is meant to prepare kyo to refuse tohru even more. Therefore, the pay off at the climax will be better & stronger.

Reading kyo’s inner thoughts will never not be refreshing!!! Also, the slow burn is cooked on low , hot fire , so the pay off will be the most delicious there is!

Side Notes:

I’ve stated my feelings regarding the age gap between kyoko & katsuya in last chapter’s preview post. I’m done with it & won’t let it interfere with my analysis of kyoko nor tohru.

The idea of just being together as a fun hanging out activity without being bothered much of where reminds ms so much of kyo & tohru!! we see them being happy together in the anime in kazuma’s house, shigure’s rooftop, cooking pancake in the kitchen! I really like this domestic feel of romance! it contradicts the notion of expensive restaurant with the girl wearing a breathtaking dress to woo the guy for it to be utterly romantic as we see in movies, & other stories.

NGL, katsuya looked sexy waiting home.. damn it! >_<

I cried watching tohru between her parents, how they acted & how loved she was! T_T. it reminded me of my niece How her dad’s death affected her! She was the apple of his eyes.. T_T.

Tohru is indeed a rice ball! her dad gave her a masculine name while tohru is so feminine! his reasoning is “finding salty taste in sweet things make the taste better & stronger, kinda giving it a hidden flavour”, the rice ball has a pickle inside it & it’s what makes the taste so savory & delicious!

Grandpa’s “ chance meetings could lead to variety of outcomes, good or bad” YES! kyo/tohru/yuki meeting each other by chance. Fiction make it look weird, but trust me, real life has those by dozens!

“ i wonder how lost you’ll be, how much time you’ll need to get your answer”. He will screw up so bad, kyoko! it will be so good! one of the best screw up’s I’ve seen! so painful for him & tohru & amazingly written!

Kyo’s nightmare being connected to him remembering/dreaming of kyoko’s story is bigger effect than opening the ep with it & having the cause be sth that happened last ep, a week ago... the effect is NOT the same.

Momiji is so cute!!! did his curse break here or not yet? he seemed as tall as tohru.

Writing tohru worried abt kyo after seeing him pale is the tohru I know!! Not that stupid girl who watches the guy she loves have a panic attach in se3, ep6, then goes in ep 7...” dahhhh.. Jeez.. I duno why kyo is sleeping until now.. better laugh & make cute rice cakes” giggle giggle...That scene got me so furious even when I first saw it!! THIS IS NOT TOHRU! tohru cried for a stupid story that haru told abt puppets!! she’ll forget the person she challenges herself for is sick?! ugh!

I love seeing yuki & kyo chill & cool around each other.

Kyoko being fully dependent on katsuya can be a factor in her grief, but I’ve seen cases where both partners are independent but still be completely broken after the others’ death. Grief isn’t logical at all & is extremely personal.

[samwontshare]

Black Widow Review I guess

Was Black Widow the send off movie for Nat that I wanted to see after Avengers 1 first dropped? No.

Did I really enjoy it anyway (with some criticisms)? Yes.

Here’s what worked and what didn’t work for me.

What worked for me:

-Yelena and Nat’s relationship carried this entire movie. It was start to finish a truly beautiful sister movie. Their relationship is so genuine and they have such a great connection on screen. The bickering! The older/little sibling dynamic is so powerful in this movie. Yelena’s need for Nat in her life, and Nat who suffered so much trying to just escape but her younger sibling was left behind. This was so painful and real for me as a survivor of childhood domestic violence - where my older sibling would often leave to protect himself, but then I was left behind to survive. It took me a long time to have empathy for him and his very real need to protect himself. Because we both were just trying to survive and it wasn’t our fault. I saw myself in Yelena and my brother in Nat’s decision to leave the Red Room. For them to come together to take down the Red Room together is just some beautiful, cathartic shit.

-Yelena. Every. Single. Thing. About. Yelena. The acting was just stunning - that Yelena has this childlike quality to her because for the first time, she can be a human being. She has beautiful character moments: fogging the glass, playing with her beer bottle, her enthusiasm for the vest with pockets she purchased AND modified thank you very much. Do I feel they dulled her trauma to keep the levity? Yes, but she still has some stunning moments of vulnerability - especially when she took her fake family to task and called out Nat for saying it wasn’t real. This was just *chef kiss* THE HEAD TOUCHES OMG.

-The found family dynamic. I think some folks might baulk at the forgiveness shown to the parental figures, but for me this rings true as someone again who experienced childhood violence. What’s often hard is that you feel such justified anger toward those who hurt you and didn’t protect you, but for many people (though not all) there is still a need to be loved by those people and you might still love them despite everything because there were good moments in all the horror. What I think actually made this work is that Melina and Alexei both took steps to correct their ways - they immediately helped the sisters. It spoke a bit on generational trauma - particularly re: Melina. Was it perfect? No. Do I think it will work for everyone? No. But I didn’t mind it. Damaged people trying to do better is my jam. And I was just happy Melina lived.

-The opening credits is one of the best things Marvel has ever done. Chilling.

-The humor. This shit was funny.

-The way it centered Yelena and Nat, women supporting women, and said fuck off to the male Avengers.

-This is unpopular but I was fine with Taskmaster. I remember Taskmaster from the Deadpool comics so I get why people are mad, but to me it threaded a nice loop in Nat’s story. Nat’s desperation to leave the Red Room and end her violence meant killing an innocent child - was it heroic? No. Was it human? Yes. Taking the time to make some amends there felt like nice closure, even if Antonia falls into one of my biggest issues with the film (see below).

-I’m glad Dreykov was an unexplained Bond villain with his ridiculous sky lair that everyone should have known about after NYC. Dreykov was symbolic for every shitty male abuser that’s plagued women. It ain’t about him. It’s about what he represented.

What didn’t work for me:

-How WOC showed up in the movie felt super uncomfortable. We see a Widow of color starting the movement to free the others, but she’s quickly dispatched and the job is taken over by two white women. There is a really horrifying scene where another WOC is forced by a white man to kill herself to further Nat’s horror about the situation. The only time in this movie WOC are on screen it’s to 1) die and 2) literally be brainwashed into servitude. There’s no agency for WOC in this movie and it sucks A LOT.

-That sort of plays into my other big problem with the plot and that was the whole brainwashing storyline. It fell really flat for me and I’ve been trying to figure out why. The movie started out really strong with the absolutely horrifying story of Nat and Yelena’s childhood and the opening credits that pull no punches about human trafficking and the literal child torture that takes place in the Red Room.

But the MCU once again proves it’s not ready to tackle deeper issues in their totality - they have to walk it back so it’s still the quippy, action oriented formula that makes every one a blockbuster. So instead of a story about the horrors of the Red Room and psychological conditioning of young trafficked girls into trained killers - and more importantly how those women still maintain their agency despite this, how they are survivors and how they break the chains of the Red Room to take their power back (a story much more grounded in real abuses), they put a sci-fi veneer over it.

Suddenly they’re trained assassins who are brainwashed into being trained assassins…? As if the horrors of the Red Room aren’t enough without the total removal of agency (and it’s handled with so much less grace than say Bucky Barnes’ experience, who breaks his own conditioning). The Widows spend the entire movie as nameless victims waiting for rescue and get absolutely no scenes of agency even when they’re freed.

To me, it undermined the whole trafficking commentary. They remained nameless. They remained victims. They remained waiting for rescue. But at least they’re not forgotten? Yeesh. It flattens the experience of real trafficked people and their resiliency. I think there was a way to both honor survivors and honor those who didn't survive and the movie didn't get that balance.

-I think a lot of other people have already pointed out that this movie feels like Black Widow 2 and we’re missing parts 1 and 3. Telling this story now is a let down. That Black Widow’s only movie is about passing the torch after she’s already dead is a disappointment (and that’s not a criticism of Yelena - who is pure gold in this movie). I left the movie still feeling like Nat herself was hollow, that she didn’t get the earnestness of Yelena’s character. She had an endearing moment of watching spy movies and a beautiful childhood opening and then she gets lost in her own movie bouncing from one fight to another. It was sad as hell. I wanted this to be about her time in the Red Room, her escape from the Red Room, her experiencing what it means to have freedom to decide.

-They really ruined that beautiful moment of Yelena mourning Nat with Val showing up. Look I don’t care if it would’ve been predictable, that movie would have hit harder if Nat whistled back. They didn’t even have to show her. It could have just ended that way.

Overall, I enjoyed it as a movie. I don’t know that I enjoyed it as Black Widow’s ONLY movie.

[rhys-rambles]

FIGHT CLUB | 1999

I was introduced to the movie Fight Club around 3 years ago. It wasn’t until recently I’ve become interested in it. So here’s my Fight Club breakdown :) WARNING FOR SPOILERS!!

For those who don’t know, Fight Club is a cult favorite novel that was later adapted into a film released in 1999, directed by David Fincher. Starring Brad Pitt, Edward Norton, and Helena Bonham Carter.

The story of Fight Club revolves around three main characters. It’s told from a first-person perspective by a nameless character that’s commonly called ‘the narrator’, who has a dead-end white-collar job at a major car company and has fallen prey to what he calls the ‘Ikea-nesting instinct’. Dictated by social norms he walks perfectly in line like a docile sheep, which translates into an inauthentic, repetitive and empty life.

He suffers from a bad case of insomnia, which causes him to be neither fully awake, nor fully asleep. Sometimes, he entertains self-destructive thoughts: as he flies around from state to state for his job, he prays for a crash or mid-air collision every time the plane bankes too sharply on takeoff or landing.

During a flight, he meets an eccentric and hypermasculine character named Tyler Durden.

Tyler seems to be the direct opposite of the narrator. He’s a wolf rather than a sheep, disentangled from society, and impervious to social norms. He takes what he wants, without asking, and whenever he pleases. He’s self-sufficient, has no superiors, and doesn’t care about material possessions.

The movie later reveals that Tyler and the narrator are the same person, as Tyler is a product of the narrator’s imagination, that’s probably induced by severe insomnia combined with dissatisfaction with a dull, meaningless existence and a lifetime of repressed urges.

The narrator is addicted to going to support groups for specific illnesses because these give him the opportunity to cry, which seems to be a remedy for his insomnia. The downside of his behavior is that he isn’t genuine; he has no testicular cancer, or blood parasites, yet acts as if he does, so he can reap the benefits of these sessions.

But these benefits come to an end when another non-genuine visitor starts to join the sessions as well. This is a woman named Marla Singer, and her motive for joining these sessions is, and I quote: “It’s cheaper than a movie and there’s free coffee.”

Marla is a self-destructive, chain-smoking fatalist, who’s expecting to die at any moment, but finds it tragic that it never happens. She steals food and clothes for a living and attempts suicide by overdosing Xanax.

Even though the narrator, Tyler, and Marla are totally different personalities, they all live their lives accompanied by a nihilistic undercurrent.

Tyler seems to have figured out what causes this emptiness, and during the course of the story, his solution unfolds. Unfortunately, his character slides from a sage-like father figure to an anarchist terrorist, who’s out to destroy modern civilization. Nevertheless, he exposes a series of harsh realities about modern life that are worth contemplating.

Anti-consumerism

The anti-consumerist stance of Tyler Durden becomes obvious when he verbalizes his concern about the modern way of life. Shortly after the narrator meets Tyler, he discovers that his apartment went up in flames. After this unfortunate event, realizing that he has no friends to call, he calls Tyler. The two meet, and the narrator complains about losing his furniture, and his respectable and almost complete wardrobe. Tyler responds rather indifferently and slightly sarcastically before he begins to express his views on the matter. Quote:

“We’re consumers. We are by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty, these things don’t concern me. What concerns me are celebrity magazines, television with 500 channels, some guy’s name on my underwear. Rogaine, Viagra, Olestra…”

It becomes clear that Tyler has quite an unconventional view of what’s good and bad. Murder, crime, and poverty are generally considered bad things, while consumer goods like televisions, clothing from a certain brand, products that help to hide aging, enhance bedroom performance, and help us with weight loss, are considered preferable.

Tyler has a contempt for the artificial, as opposed to elements that have been a natural part of the human condition, probably as long we exist. This way of thinking touches upon an ancient Cynic philosopher named Diogenes of Sinope, who believed that modern, civilized life hinders our natural state.

At the end of the movie, it appears that the narrator has destroyed his apartment himself when he was taken over by his alter ego, Tyler Durden. This deed was the first step onto the road of detachment from his property, into a more authentic way of life and to (how Tyler puts it): “reject the basic assumptions of civilization, especially the importance of material possessions.”

The narrator moves in with Tyler, who lives in a dilapidated house with ongoing leaks, power failures, and no Ikea furniture. Slowly but surely, the narrator indeed detaches from his previously destroyed property. “Things you own end up owning you,” Tyler tells him. And this simple piece of wisdom probably hits home, when the narrator realizes that he doesn’t need all these worldly goods, and is actually much happier without them.

Non-conformity

Tyler Durden is a non-conformist, and shows, again, similarities with Diogenes, who not only purposefully lived in poverty, but also rejected social norms. For him, social constructs are nothing more than a superficial layer of culture that represses our true nature.

Diogenes lived in a barrel, Tyler lives in an abandoned building. Diogenes urinated in public, Tyler urinates in the soup of a restaurant.

The narrator, on the other hand, seems to be the embodiment of conformity, as he adapts his lifestyle completely to societal expectations. The problem with this behavior is that we dedicate our existence walking the paths that people other than ourselves have laid out for us. This need to conform, the fear of falling by the wayside, this sickly preoccupation by what others think of us, this necessity to keep up with the Joneses: what an exhausting way of life, just to feel ‘accepted’.

So, what if we stop caring? What if we reject the generally accepted norms, and choose our own values, elect our own leaders, determine our own goals, regardless of the social expectations? This is a fundamental difference between the narrator and Tyler Durden, who puts it like this: “I am free in all the ways that you are not.”

Ironically, later on in the story, Project Mayhem, a terrorist organization led by Tyler that grows out of Fight Club, is a textbook example of conformity, as it’s members wear the same clothes, are absolutely equal, abolish their names, and are referred to as space monkeys that sacrifice their lives for a greater cause. We could say that by rejecting one doctrine in order to be ‘non-conformist’, we often imprison ourselves in another one.

Fighting and masculinity

Fighting and the experience of pain play a significant role in Fight Club. At the beginning of the story, Tyler asks the narrator to hit him as hard as he can. He explains his strange wish by saying: “How can you know yourself if you’ve never been in a fight? I don’t want to die without any scars.”

So, the narrator hits him. Tyler hits him back, and the two engage in a fistfight. Both seem to feel surprisingly pleasant afterward and decide to do it again. Their nightly activities on a parking lot attract the attention of other men, that are also interested in joining these non-hostile fistfights. And thus, Fight Club is born.

It’s widely known that voluntary exposure to certain forms of pain makes us stronger in the face of adversity, which could be a legit reason to partake in these fights. As the narrator states: “After fighting everything else in your life got the volume turned down.”

However, Fight Club is more than just a metaphor for dealing with hardship through exposure: a physical fight, and the violence and aggression that goes with it, resonates with the primal part of our being.

Not only the men in the story are attracted to the violence of fighting; Fight Club as a movie and novel was so impactful on its audience, that real-life Fight Clubs started to emerge.

The story shows an experiment in which the members of Fight Club pick fights with random strangers (and are supposed to lose), which isn’t as easy as it sounds; most people do everything to avoid physical conflict.

But Fight Club makes us wonder if it’s a good thing that we’ve lost touch with these primal tendencies. Should we repress this part of human nature? Or, perhaps, integrate it in healthy and constructive ways?

Self-destruction

When the story progresses, Tyler and the narrator begin to see the world through a different lens. Tyler criticizes the modern self-improvement hype by saying: “Self-improvement is masturbation. Now self-destruction… ”

This statement is slightly confusing, as the increasingly destructive nature of Fight Club, in which faces are permanently mutilated and teeth are knocked out of people’s heads, doesn’t seem to be a sustainable way to live.

But Tyler might be onto something when we look at self-destruction as the destruction of a false self.

‘Self-improvement’ often points to the accumulation of external goods: a better house, a better job, a better body, more money. But why should we endlessly want to improve ourselves? Why can’t we just be happy with how things are, and take life as it comes? Or as Tyler states:

“I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let’s evolve, let the chips fall where they may.”

We create an identity through material wealth, and social status. And as far as Tyler is concerned, this false sense of self must be destroyed, before we are free to do anything we want. Therefore, the ‘space monkeys’ of Project Mayhem live by a mantra which goes like this:

“You are not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You are not your fucking khakis. You are all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.” - Tyler Durden, Fight Club

Tyler makes a so-called human sacrifice, namely a man called Raymond who works a dead-end job in a convenience store. Raymond wanted to be a veterinarian, but didn’t make it because it was “too much studying.” Tyler threatens Raymond, saying that if he doesn’t start studying within six weeks, he’ll kill him.

In this scene, Tyler points to another aspect of self-destruction: the act of letting go of fears, negative self-talk, and all distractions, so we can fully focus on our purpose. It’s the destruction of everything within ourselves that holds us back from living life on our own terms.

A near-life experience

Many people go great lengths when it comes to pain avoidance. The problem is that running from pain means running from an inevitable part of life.

The prospect of incurring pain makes us anxious, and often leads to self-indulgent decisions. That is: choosing the less painful path, even if a more painful path guarantees more success and pleasure in the future.

Tyler Durden deals with this by inflicting a chemical wound on the narrator’s hand using lye.

As expected, the narrator does everything to escape the pain: he uses visualization techniques he learned at a seminar, and retreating in his cave to find his ‘power animal’. But Tyler slaps him in the face, forcing him to stay with the pain, saying: “This is the greatest moment of your life, man. And you’re off somewhere missing it.”

For the narrator, Tyler has one central goal: he must reach bottom. After putting him through suffering, and destroying his false identity, there’s yet another aspect that must be crushed: hope. Losing all hope is freedom. And, therefore, he must reject what has rejected him: his father, and God. I quote:

“Consider the possibility that God does not like you. In all probability, he hates you.” - Tyler Durden, Fight Club

Tyler states that we don’t need God. That we shouldn’t care about redemption and damnation. And if we’re God’s unwanted children, so be it. Thereby, we lose all hope, but are also liberated from religious doctrine and fatherly authority.

Now we’re truly free. Now we can create our own meaning, and live how we want to live.

Tyler emphasizes the importance of knowing what we want in life. To achieve this, we must be willing to get out of our comfort zone and jump into the unknown without safety brackets.

The narrator, however, has difficulties letting go of security. He begs Tyler to not mess around when he lets go of the steering wheel in a driving car while hitting the gas. Tyler calls the narrator ‘pathetic’, and yells: “hitting bottom isn’t a weekend retreat. It’s not a goddamn seminar. Stop trying to control everything and just let go!”

After an inevitable car crash, Tyler states that they just had a ‘near-life experience’.

Wrap up

Fight Club is a story about rebellion against the status quo and a plea for the simple life. It criticizes the ways in which we are so hung up on security, and material possessions, and how people let social norms dictate their lives.

‘Stuff’ has become our religion. The idols we worship are Ikea and Starbucks. And the more we immerse ourselves in such an empty and unfulfilling existence, the more we start to resemble the things that we produce: manufactured products rather than authentic human beings.

Tyler shows us a way out. And even though his insights are profound, the execution is questionable. Fight Club, and its terrorist branch Project Mayhem, show us how easy it is to oppose one ideology, in order to fall into another, and how a cult-like echo chamber built on rigid beliefs could become very destructive.

Nevertheless, Tyler challenges us to be self-sufficient and disobedient to the authorities that let us down, to live authentically and in the moment, to confront our fears, to boldly step out of our comfort zones, and let the things that don’t matter truly slide.

[a3hastakenovermylife]

Taichi Deserves the World

Ok, I’ve been listening to Taichi’s character song, Living the Dream.  I’ve always loved this song, and it makes me emotional every time I hear it.  There is just sooooo much emotion packed into his voice that its almost palpable, its absolutely amazing.  

I just today read the English translation, and OH MY GOODNESS, TAIIICHIIIIIIII!!!!

Now, the whole song is wonderful, don't get me wrong, however the part that makes me scream is that little speech he gives in the middle.

Just by changing the size of my dream My tiny world grew in size Just by lifting my chin a little My field of vision grew so many times wider Just by walking forward—I discovered a path I never knew of I don't know the future me, so There's no use fearing anything; that's why I'll continue to shout I'll continue to struggle, So that I can smile tomorrow.

Ok, I just want to talk a bit about this.  This is so sweet, so sweet, and it gives us a little bit of perspective into just how important Mankai is to Taichi, as well as how much it meant to him for them to accept him, even after everything he’s done.  

Taichi has spent his whole life trying to stand out, he hates being left out or forgotten, he just wants to be noticed.  His reason to start acting wasn't necessarily because he wanted to act, it was a platform upon which he could be in the center of attention.  He caught a glimpse of what the spotlight felt like, and was immediately hooked.  

His dream started as a relatively vain and selfish one, it was directed only to himself for his own gain.  He wanted others to think about him, to notice him, he hated blending in and he just desperately needed to be seen.  There’s nothing wrong with that, ill admit it’s a self-centered way to think, but there isn’t a single person out there who doesn’t have dreams that are selfish like that. (unless your like a saint or something)

Somewhere along the way though, I think Taichi began to truly enjoy acting itself.  I can’t imagine that Taichi could have survived long even in the God Troupe’s ensemble cast, if he didn’t have at least some passion for it.  Taichi clearly is clearly intimidated by Beni, and to spend so much time under his direction (working as essentially a disposable side actor who could be replaced at any time), must have been absolutely brutal. 

This is the same guy that made Tsumugi the theatre junkie quit acting entirely for years, after just one audition.  

We don’t know exactly how long he’d been a part of God Troupe, but it was long enough that Beni found him to be suitable to be a pawn in his plot, enough so that he could see just the right button to push to make Taichi do exactly what he wanted.  That leads me to believe that it had been at least a few months???  The point is, Taichi wouldn't have been able to hold up under Beni’s brutal standards and expectations (I imagine that Beni’d want even the ensemble cast’s performances to be perfect) if he were in it for hollow reasons.  

If he only wanted to get popular, for the sake of being popular, then I don’t think he’d have been able to get that far.  

I think that the whole ‘I want to be popular’ thing is a very basic and shallow way of describing what Taichi really wants.  I don’t think that Taichi himself even realizes this.

Taichi, like most average people, idealizes and glorifies fame.  Taichi equates the idea of having people adore you, to the idea of having friends.  When this just isn't true, in fact, I would imagine it's much harder for celebrities to find true friendships (much like Tenma).  The reasons Taichi wants to be popular is much less about wanting adoration, and more about wanting to be notices, he wanted someone to care.  

The specific example Taichi gives to explain why he wanted to be popular, was that he one time he got sick for a while, and when came back to school nobody had even noticed that he’d been gone.  This feeling that Taichi is having is plain old loneliness, not some idol-complex.  He decides that being popular is the solution so that becomes his dream, but that was never really his dream in the first place, not really.

His real dream was to be surrounded by people who genuinely cared about him.

His real dream was to be surrounded by friends, real friends.

Just by changing the size of my dream

My tiny world grew in size

Before Taichi comes to Mankai, his dream is focused entirely on himself, he is lonely, he wants friends.  The solution; get popular and become an actor.  

It’s entirely about him.  The only person in this dream that he could identify is himself, and his adoring fans are nameless and faceless, because they don't matter at this point, in this dream Taichi matters.

When he joins Mankai Company, and the Autumn Troupe, he is immediately steeped into this loving and warm community.  He rehearses with them, he sleeps with them, he eats with them, they even bathe together once.  

And his dream starts to change...

Taichi, hadn't even really realized that his dream was already coming true, he’s still convinced that his dream is to be popular, and he’s believed that so long that he really has convinced himself that it really is his dream.  

However, that dream that Taichi has, it really has changed.  In his mind, he isn't standing on that stage alone being adored anymore, he's standing next to the others in Mankai and the Autumn Troupe.  He doesn’t just want to act anymore, he wants to act alongside his friends, he wants to help them succeed, and he wants to be a part of this Company.  

Mankai Company has essentially become a part of Taichi’s dream.

Just by lifting my chin a little My field of vision grew so many times wider Just by walking forward—I discovered a path I never knew of

Taichi has stopped looking inwards to himself, and looking outside at the others around him.  ‘His field of vision’ has grown, and he can finally see beyond himself, because someone outside of his family has finally taken the time to let him into their lives.  

The entire way Taichi sees himself and those around him, changes drastically because of this, he’s experiencing true camaraderie and friendship for the first time and it changes everything.

He doesn't want to go through with the plan to sabotage the Autumn Troupe play, he feels trapped, as if there was no good way out of the shit situation he’s found himself in, and this next part is important.

Eventually, it gets to the point, that he’d rather quit acting than keep betraying the others.  

In game he literally says;

Omi, I... I think I’m gonna have to quit acting.  There’s no way I can keep going like this, is there?

He, in this moment, is choosing the happiness of the friends he’s made, and the success of the troupe he joined over his own dream.  Even believing that there was no way they would let him stay in the troupe after this, or ever forgive him.  Even knowing, that Beni could and would blacklist his name from the entire acting industry if he went through with this.  He still decides that he won’t hurt his friends any more than he already has.

He joins confesses, gives his portrait, and joins Mankai for real.  

Just by lifting my chin a little My field of vision grew so many times wider Just by walking forward—I discovered a path I never knew of

He can now hold his head high, proudly, as a member of Mankai, and stand along side them, and perform on stage with them.

I don't know the future me, so There's no use fearing anything; that's why I'll continue to shout I'll continue to struggle, So that I can smile tomorrow.

He decides, that there's no use in being afraid of Beni, or of what he might do, because all he wants to do is to act, and to act with Mankai.  He wants to stay friends with all of them, and whatever may come for him in the future, he knows he won't have to deal with it alone.  He’s going to fight for his future at the company, even if that means standing up to Beni.  He does this because he knows that this is the path he’ll be happiest going down.

You can read the JAP, ROM, and ENG lyrics here. 

[soyouareandrewdobson]

Alex ze Pirate Mini Review 4: The EED: Emotional Exposition Dump. Or why THIS is not friendship

So here we are. The last part of this 45 page three parter, meant to be about what Sam really means to the crew. And what have we seen so far in the previous parts? That Sam is not just their underappreciated, but downright exploited slave (yeah, did you know that in ancient Greece slaves supposedly had more rights than Sam in this one? At least they could buy out their freedom one day), that Dobson has no idea how to genuinely pace a story, turning what could have been a decent 100 page story if planned out and presented with more care into a 45 page short snore fest and that Hat Andy’s idea for jokes are either based on abusing token buttmonkeys, turning annoying memes into even more unfunny jokes or making dark comedy with dead orphans.

At least when South Park makes jokes about children dying, they are appropriate in that dark setting and the death is still in some way handled or refered to as a horrific event. In Dobson’s case however, it just leaves a bad taste in everyone’s mouth.

Sorry, I just can’t get over the orphanage thing. If Dobson wanted the reason for Sam leaving be that he finds out someone he cared about from his old life is dead, that is one thing. But did this asshole have to destroy an entire building with countless victims to do it? Couldn’t he just have one person die and the rest be still at that place? Honestly, I think it would have been funnier and more meaningful emotionally, if Alex and Co actually interacted with people from Sam’s past and in doing so learn more about him as a person, by genuinely visiting a still standing orphanage. Give the comic some meat on the bones and in doing so actually create the impression this comic is truly about Sam and not just about characters doing random stuff in relation to finding him. Instead Dobson goes for a literal overkill, which he then does not even treat as a tragedy but as a joke.

Dobson, THIS is a better and more dignified joke about orphans than the shit you did.

You got outclassed by Chuck Lorree of all people on this planet, you disgrace of a storyteller. A storyteller who can’t even keep his own barely existing continuity in the Alex-verse straight, now that I think of it. After all, according to Legends, the orphanage was closed and all the orphans were sold out to others, with Sam being the last of the litter

Which again is just unintentionally more horrific than Dobson likely intented. But you know, dumb people don’t know when they do dumb shit.

But I digress Let us just get into the last part. In which we finally see the “emotional” pay off of everything that happened so far.

 Spoilers, this is my reaction to that pay off.

And here is what everything led up to now.

 Sam ran away, because he wants to say his final farewell to his sister figure, we never knew about at all and about whom we do not learn one single thing really.

 Where do I begin with how this revelation fails?

Let’s start with the fact that this in execution does not have the emotional impact that was intended. And why is that? Because Dobson doesn’t bother to actually introduce us to the sister as a character.

If I may digress a bit to talk about One Piece here: In the manga, oftentimes Oda will “interrupt” an ongoing story arc to feature flashback chapters, through which he tells about past events referenced in the “present” chapters prior. Through those flashbacks he further gives meaning to why in present time the characters facing certain foes or having to win in their current situation, is so important, even on an emotional level. In short, those flashbacks are no interruptions, they are integral in giving those story arcs emotional weight.

Because now we are not just “told” why we should care about things and people, we have been shown why we should care. The old rule of “show, don’t tell” being followed on.

A good example from a more “recent” storyline I can think of, is through the flashback chapters of the Dress Rosa story arc, where we are not only being shown how De Flamingo took over the kingdom of Dress Rosa and brought pain and misery over its people for years to come, but also the past of characters such as the gladiator Rebecca and Mr. Soldier, her father figure that raised her up from the time she was 10 and De Flamingo took over… only for the flashbacks to also reveal properly how Mr Soldier is not just a father figure for her that took her in, but her biological father Kyros, who had been turned into a toy by one of De Flamingo’s henchmen via a power, that also took Rebecca’s memories of her dad away so she never identified the toy as her dad.

This way Oda achieves multiple things at once; Among other things, he establishes how evil De Flamingo is, how tragic Mr Soldier and Rebecca’s lives really are, adding to us the readers wanting to see them and Luffy beat De Flamingo into a pulp and it makes the later “present day” moment when Mr. Soldier and many other victims turn back to normal and Rebecca regains her memories and is reunited with her dad so much more sweeter. Cause now we care.

Truth be told, I myself believe that Oda is one of few storytellers on this planet, who truly has “mastered” the technique of emotional flashback storytelling.

A technique Dobson could have used in this part of the story, but didn’t. Cause honestly, the way he tells how Sam’s sister was “important” to our poor cabin boy is not emotionally engaging from a storytelling perspective. We are told she is important, but we learn genuinely nothing about her, not even what her name was and what she looked like except from that one picture in the locket from over 15 pages ago. Nothing about how “close” she and Sam truly were is revealed through showing, only telling and as such we don’t even begin to care for her relationship with Sam and how her loss is genuinely important to him. So the main goal of this story, to make us the readers feel something for Sam aside of pity for how he is treated by his supposed friends, has not been achieved.

 … Dobson, you are a hack. You can’t even use flashbacks, a basic technique in the realm of storytelling, to show us why we should “care” more, heck, even at all, about Sam and his loss.

If you just had adjusted a few things, you could have had something good here.

By adjustments I mean the following: Take the first page of this chapter as well as the first panel of the second page, and combine them into the final page of the previous chapter. In doing so creating a proper cliffhanger for part two. Then start chapter 3 of with a few pages (lets say 6 or so) showing young Sam and his sister interacting in the orphanage in doing so turning her from a nameless plotdevice into a genuine person to care about. And then use content of page 2 and 3 of this chapter, to elaborate on their relationship, potentially with small cuts always between present day Sam at the grave explaining himself and saying his farewells, with pictures of the past showing what they meant to each other.

 But nope. This very basic idea a fanfic writer now has come up with, a fanfic writer who never studied literature or took writing classes by the way, something I doubt you did at college the more I read your work, has never crossed your “superior” mind.

Also, I find Sam’s text on page 3 really, really backwards in a way. Like, I get that we are meant to consider it a good thing Sam is this way. You know, being genuinely selfless and wanting to make others happy. And don’t get me wrong, generosity and selflessness are virtues I hold in high regard. But the way Sam talks about how he just wanted her to be happy while sacrificing any fulfillment of basic needs for himself feels more like a pathological disorder in that case than something to reach for. In fact, psychology speaks from different forms of generosity and the thing Sam describes here is likely “compulsive giving” or “unrelenting generosity”, a pathological variant that can be highly toxic for all people affected by it.

Funny how Dobson, a person who wants to claim he is all for mental healthcare, is essentially “promoting” the positivity of a psychological disorder via Sam.

 Then again, this also feels more like Dobson putting words into Sam’s mouth (in a literal sense) to retroactively make Sam’s treatment look less horrid. Cause now Sam doesn’t just do all the work because he is ordered around, he deep down is “happy” doing all of the work and gain not even some basic respect in return, because he cares so deeply for his friends.

… I feel myself get livid again here.

And the next few pages don’t really help me “calm down”.

 Cause now the “justifications” just go on. The thing that is meant to be a heartfelt farewell turning into Sam “justifying” that hey, it must be good that he ended up with Alex and her crew. Cause after all, by being abducted years ago and being treated as a slave who in the ginger’s eyes is worth less than lint, he likely avoided dying of shitting his pants and a crushing roof. Ignoring the fact that he was going to be sold out anyway back then and would have potentially ended up with a more generous master than the crew of non Captain Syrup.

Also, just all of the shit going on in page 6. Sam asking his “sister” to be at peace, when likely, if the girl could still talk, she may even just ask Sam the following: Who the heck are you. Cause really, if you think about it, if Sam did all the nice things for her in secret, did the girl even realize she had a “big brother” figure to watch over her? Also, him saying he is happy and he is doing quite alright for himself?

All the pictures of him sighing and looking in misery in this story alone, plus the cavalry of strips I posted about how Sam is abused in the first part of this post series tells me another story.

Finally, Sam’s message “At least now, we are both free”? Sam, she is dead, likely having died in pain when a house crushed on her, weakened by a deadly disease and traumatized by other children around her dying of said disease. And you are stuck with a bunch of people that haven’t shown to care for you up until this story and the only reason they may even care for you now is out of “sympathy” because you lost your sister figure, not because they genuinely love and care for you as a person. As far as I am concerned, you would be better off being the slaveboy of some nymphomanic pirate princess in the world of Berserk than you are on this plane of existence.

And now that the “emotional” farewell is out of the way, Dobson can go back to focus on the characters he really cares about in this shit anyway: Little Bitch Annie, lesbian chocolate rain Miroku and Deadpool’s pubes.

 Oh Alex, you are such a rascal. You really make me want to shoot you with a crossbow, stab you in the eye, hurl you out a window and shove explosives where the sun won’t shine.

Yeah yeah, you are a pirate, but that doesn’t mean you need to be that awful as a person or even protagonist.

Christ. For someone who complains how toxic Walter White is to the point he believes “sympathizing” with the character turns you into a nazi, Dobson certainly is blind to how awful Alex really is, particularly as protagonist in a comic series intented for little kids. Compared to her, I can think of freaking slasher movie villains with more of a moral compass. Like say what you want about Jigsaw, at least he never victimized genuine children or teenagers.

And Talus, thanks for ruining the “emotional” moment Sam “earned” by pointing out how weird it is he kissed a gravestone. Also, I am glad I know what happens in the next pages or else I would assume Alex’s great idea includes to dig up his sister and turn her into a life sized doll for Sam to cuddle.

No, their ideas to assure he is emotionally save and to redeem themselves for years of taking him for granted/hurting him, is to throw him a surprise party.

… you know, I think you may be the only individuals in fiction, that Pinkie Pie would think do not deserve to throw a party or get one thrown for.

 But I guess Sam is just so nice, he even throws you a party for no apparent reason.

Either that or now that his “sister” is dead he will overcompensate even more and this is the next destructive stage of his compulsive generosity.

… Sam, I am sorry for your loss. But you need to get help. Once by the authorities who will hopefully get rid of Alex and then by some psychologist who helps you redefine your own self worth.

By the way, I find it funny that the banner he made also actually only mentions Talus, Atea and Captain Daphne with a bad hair day. It just confirms that Peggy either never bothered to join the others or that Dobson developed an early onset of dementia and totally forgot about the fact that the midget is a genuine character in this trainwrack. And I am convinced the later is the case, which really just makes me wonder how someone is able to do that. To forget a major character of the thing they create and want to turn into a money making franchise. Imagine if Disney did e.g. a sequel to Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, only to forget about the god damn dwarves themselves.

At least Talus finally realizes he is unworthy to get a party thrown or be Sam’s friends. Good. Now jump into a wood chipper and free ourselves from your existence you dog beaver thing.

Content of the next page in a just alternate universe… Alex: You are a better human being than I could ever be and this is all because my creator is a hack who does not know how to create genuinely likable personalities.

The reality:

 FUCK YOU, ALEX! FUCK YOU AND THE BIKE PUMP YOU FLEW IN ON! Atea and Talus have learnt more than you about what it means to be a friend and they don’t even bother to punch you in the face for still being the biggest red haired  raging cunt since Asuka from Neon Genesis Evangelion.

If this is how Dobson thinks “friends” should treat each other, it is no wonder he has a friendless background. Hey, Hat Andy, if you want to emulate manga, may I suggest you just become even more blatantly about it and simply copy paste One Piece? Cause Luffy at least knows how to be a friend. How much does he care for his friends, strangers and even at times former enemies of his?

He cares so much, that e.g. when a special military force that beat the crap out of him got hands on his crewmate Nico Robin, he did THIS:

He declared war on the world government. Fuck, even Jack Sparrow, who is an opportunistic jackass, in a movie where everyone stabs the others at least three times in the back, was less selffish than Alex, when he gave up his chance on immortality as Captain of the Flying Dutchman, just so Will would live in some form.

Metalbeard from the Lego Movie cared more about doing the right thing than anyone in Alex the pirate did. You created the worst friends and “heroes” I have ever seen in a webcomic since the entirety of sinfest. Congratulations for that accomplishment, Dobson. It really takes a special kind of anti-talent to show such level of not understanding the power of friendship as one of the most basic tropes in storytelling, to the point a show about pastel colored equines managed to profit of it for nine years.

 WOOOOO! We are the worst, we are the worst!

And look, Uncle Pennywise’s scrotum is back.

Anyway, here are the last two pages of this thing, to end on what is meant to be a whimsical note because Sam actually gets something from Alex that is not a beating or verbal abuse.

 Too bad anything that would feel heartwarming about this is drowned by a) me actually remembering all the shit Alex, the crew and the writer pull to get to this point (from abusive neglect of the characters to pathetic emotional manipulation on a narrative level) and b) the weird rapey face Uncle Peggy makes in the picture. Like Jesus, did Dobson try to emulate the Burger King here?

But hey, this story is over. And who knows, perhaps from this moment on, Sam will actually be treated better overall in the comic and Dobson will spend time actually developing an overall plot and the world of this com-

Tom Kenny: ONE COMIC STRIP LATER

And it is back to business as usual.

... How much would I need to pay for someone on the internet to write an alternate ending to the story where it turns out Sam actually poisoned the food at the party and while Alex is slowly dying, a now evil Sam who has finally broke under years of abuse, is going to become a genuine threatening pirat? that is after he villain monologues to Alex how much she sucks before scalping her?

Wow, I am entering a dark place right now. I think I need to take a break.

So I am going to give my final verdict on this story with the next post around the weekend most likely. Cause that is how much time I will now spend rereading One Piece and watching the Pirates of the Carribean movies in addition to playing the Pirates level of Kingdom Hearts 3, in order to forget this shit and remind myself why I think pirates are cool.

[aegor-bamfsteel]

Why do people say that Aegor raped Calla when she was a child? Daemon betrothing his oldest daughter to Aegor does not mean the marriage was consummated when she was a child. Sadly, Daemon himself was betrothed as a child. His grandmother Daenaera was married when she was 6 and his grandfather Viserys II was 12 when he wed and 13 when he had his first child, only a year younger than Daemon when he had his. Usually, it is custom to wait to consummate if the bride is a child.

Furthermore, the people who hate the Blackfyres try to frame it as Daemon selling his daughter to be raped, but I doubt that is why he betrothed her to Aegor since he already has Aegor’s unconditional support. Calla and Aegor never had children, per GRRM, so Aegor championed his nephews and nieces, essentially dedicating his life to his brother and his family. Daemon didn’t need to sell his daughter to Aegor for support, so that was not the reason for the betrothal. (2/3)

My point is that GRRM is wildly inconsistent with his child brides (and grooms). He uses Unwin Peake’s nameless daughter dying in childbirth at the age of 12 as a reason for why he is so despicable (and that is despicable). But then has Aemma Arryn consummate her marriage at age 13 and paints her father, grandparents, uncle, and husband as decent people. Daenaera is then married at age 6 but doesn’t consummate until age 15 or 16. It’s due to Aegon’s depression instead of custom. (3/3)

Thank you for the very thorough ask, tiger. I hope that I have successfully responded to all of your questions. Calla, as with all Blackfyres (and many non-Targaryen women), has certainly gotten a raw deal when it comes to page time/character depth; her only mention is in twoiaf: “Whatever the case may be (for Aegor’s anger at the Targaryens and Bl00draven), Aegor Rivers soon began to press Daemon Blackfyre to proclaim for the throne, and all the more so after Daemon agreed to wed his eldest daughter, Calla, to Aegor.” As Yandel doesn’t make any further comments, I assume the people who believe Calla was raped as a child exist in fandom rather than on page. Rape is a very sensitive subject, and I’m trying to keep the fanwank a bit quieter, so my response will be under the cut.

Why do people say Aegor raped Calla as a child? This actually involves several leaps in logic I don’t find convincing, so I’ll try to break it down:

We are first introduced to Aegor in the Dunk and Egg novellas via mention by some Blackfyre supporters, who are the natural antagonists of the Targaryens; the protagonist, Dunk, is best friends with the Targaryen prince Egg. Many of the Blackfyre supporters are minor antagonists to Dunk, especially in The Mystery Knight when they attempt to kill him (Alyn Cockshaw) or kidnap Egg (Tommard Heddle). Meanwhile, Bittersteel is a legendary hero to Blackfyre admirers (such as Osgrey), at least an important hoped-for ally to the Whitewalls conspirators (Gormon Peake needed some quick victories so Aegor would have faith in his and Daemon II’s rebellion), and a threat Bl00draven takes as seriously as the Blackfyre sons themselves. As an important member of a faction which has members that tried to harm the protagonist Dunk, people see Aegor as a villain. 

The problem with seeing him as a villain (as opposed to simply an antagonist, which he undoubtedly is if you consider the Targaryens protagonists of the story) is that, due to lack of page-time and because he’s not that bad, he never actually does anything too villainous. Urging someone to rebel is at the end of the day just words. He took Bl00draven eye out in battle, but that appears to be an accident and doesn’t seem to have slowed him down. Leading the Golden Company to sack Qohor for failing to honor a contract is severe, but its only mention is in a non-canonical app that few people read. When his chief rival Bl00draven is a canonical child-murderer, child-crippler, kinslayer, deserter, head of a secret police organization, tyrannical overlord, etc...Aegor’s “evil deeds” don’t appear to add up to much. He might even seem more sympathetic than Bl00draven! But that cannot be, so fandom has to headcanon villainous behavior for him, because he must be a villain antagonist.

But what sort of villainous behavior should he do? In order to root for Bl00draven against him, it must be something terrible. GRRM often uses rape to signal how terrible a male character is (and how awful Westeros can be). The most evil villains in the main series are serial rapists: Gregor Clegane, Ramsay Bolton, Euron Greyjoy, Craster; even Tywin Lannister, Roose Bolton, and Petyr Baelish have raped or enabled the rape of young women and girls. When the age of the victim is specified, she is often a preteen/young teenager to make her rape even more evil. The lone exception is Joffrey Baratheon, and that is only because he is 12 (he still molests Sansa repeatedly). Fandom rightly criticizes GRRM using sexualized violence against women as shorthand for “irredeemably evil” or window dressing for a dark fantasy. Yet when Aegor, a character who shows no sign of being a sexual predator (look at Shiera’s SSM, the Dunk and Egg books, and Yandel’s commentary on Aegor’s anger at Bl00draven: one-sided Aegor/Shiera has even less evidence of being real than Daemon/Daenerys), needs to commit villainous actions, some in fandom fall into the same trap as GRRM and imagine him raping women.

Then Yandel tells us that Daemon “agreed to wed his eldest daughter Calla” to Aegor shortly before the Rebellion. As Calla was not a triplet of his eldest sons Aegon and Aemon, the oldest she could possibly be was 11, still a child even by later GRRM standards. The phrase “agreed to wed” is at most a promise; it’s not an official betrothal, it’s certainly not an actual wedding, and it’s absolutely not a consummation. If it had been a consummation, that certainly would have been mentioned, as Yandel has repeatedly recorded rumors just for the purpose of making Daemon look bad (the 14 year old newly acknowledged landless natural son petitioned the king for a polygamous marriage with a princess and an Essosi noblewoman? sure...) Considering Daemon died at the end of the Rebellion and Aegor was now a landless, penniless rebel dependent on his goodsister Rohanne’s mercy, and how the Blackfyres needed to find more allies, I think any talks of marrying Calla was silenced. She married someone else, whereas he remained a bachelor for life and championed the cause of Haegon and his son Daemon III (not necessarily the others, as seen with Daemon II and Aenys, and he did not crown any of Daemon III’s brothers). 

Whatever I headcanon, 2018 GRRM’s comment that he doesn’t think Aegor had any offspring pretty much puts the nail in the coffin of Aegor having consummated any wedded relationship, let alone with Calla. If a male character is promiscuous, GRRM raises the possibility of them having sired natural children; with Aerion Brightflame in Lys, and Brandon Stark in the North, and even Tywin Lannister, he says, “I suppose they could’ve sired bastards” (or in Tywin’s case, gives a non-answer). That he gave a straightforward NO regarding Aegor’s potential children indicates that he feels it would be out of character for Aegor to have a sexual relationship, whether in marriage or outside of it. I hope that when people headcanon Aegor as a serial rapist, they take GRRM’s comments and fandom criticism of sexual violence to heart.

My point is that GRRM is wildly inconsistent with the ages of his child brides (and grooms): I would disagree to the point that in his earlier works, underaged girls forced to wed old men was universally portrayed as terrible and a feature of a corrupt character. Hoster regretted his actions toward Lysa on his deathbed, but it led to their estrangement and her susceptibility to Littlefinger’s manipulation; Sansa Stark’s marriage to Tyrion showed the breakdown of societal norms under Lannister rule; Jeyne’s forced marriage and immediate consummation to Ramsay moves Theon to try to rescue her. Although the marriage wasn’t consummated, GRRM found it difficult to write the Tyrion/Sansa scene because of her horrific abuse. But then The World of Ice and Fire and Fire and Blood are published and older man/younger woman marriages and relationships are outright romanticized by the authors themselves (Elio Garcia said 37 year old Daemon Targaryen’s relationship with the 16 year old Nettles was a true romance; GRRM said that 56-year-old Alyn Velaryon was the great love of 21-year-old Elaena Targaryen’s life) Perhaps the lack of PoV in these works distanced the male writers from the female characters’ emotions and allowed them to envision Rhaenys (16)/Corlys (37), Corlys (61)/Marilda (17), Thaddeus (56)/Floris (14), and Aemma (11-13)/Viserys (16-18) as mutually romantic couples with sympathetic men; but then in the same works the authors use forced relationships with young girls to villainize other men Unwin Peake (daughter died in childbirth at age 12) and Aegon II (was receiving a blowjob from a 12 year old when his father died). The double standard seems to imply that a teenage girl can consent to a relationship with a man old enough to be her father/grandfather if she is genuinely in love with him, which is disturbingly close to real-life defenses of statutory rape. I hate the way that the supplemental material has suddenly decided to defend these couples with “the girls wanted it”, and I can only hope this doesn’t start appearing in the main series that people actually care about.

One type of underaged pairing seems to have a consistent portrayal: child grooms don’t seem to be granted the same mutually happy relationship as child brides. Both Viserys (12) and Larra’s (19) and Androw (17) and Rhaena’s (25) marriages ended in tragedy (and death, in the case of the latter). This makes me...unsettled when thinking about how the authors will write Daemon (14)/Rohanne (older). But to stay within the bounds of your question, I don’t think they will depict an Aegor/Calla marriage due to it making little political or characterization-based sense; so fortunately it will neither villainize nor romanticize Aegor. Although an antagonist to the Targaryens, he has consistently took the higher road over Bl00draven and has the potential to be a tragic and multifaceted character.

[theartfuldodger26]

Fandom ask

Thank you, @bellamort1993 for sending me Harry Potter, Bellamort and Bellatrix as prompts. Feel free to do the same (or different to your choosing).

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character:  Bellatrix Lestrange and Voldemort. No, I don’t have one favourite. Bella is the closest to my heart, but apparently I waste the most brainmatter on Tom/Voldemort, so *shrugs* Harry is my favourite light character, he’s an admirable person.

Least Favorite character:  Umbridge, as is universally accepted.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): Bellamort (which is canon, bitches) Delphi/Harry (it will become canon, you just wait for TCC part3) Tomarry but not Harrymort(nearly counts as canon judging by how often Harry comments on Tom’s looks) Drarry  Delphi/Victoire

Character I find most attractive: Bellatrix, hands down. Then Voldemort can do things to me too, but Bella would be my first choice. 

Character I would marry: No one, I’m happy by myself. Delphi can be my angsty fuck buddy with whom we meet every once in a while, bitch, get drunk, cry and fuck. 

Character I would be best friends with: Harry, tho I’m not the best of friends and his friends do have a high mortality rate for my taste. I wouldn’t mind if Voldemort killed me tho, so *shrugs*

a random thought: The wizarding world makes zero sense in so many places. They haven’t had an Industrial Revolution and they seem to be stuck in the Middle Ages in many ways, even if they dont seem extremely Christian as these times actually were. It’s really confusing. As for their economy? How does that even work if you can conjure a chair out of thin air, or replicate food? 

An unpopular opinion:  Idk what’s unpopular these days. Aside from Albus’ name, I actually liked the Epilogue. In contrast to what people thing, it doesn;t show *everything* that happened after the war, meaning it’s no obliged to show the PTSD and the fights and the pain. It just passes the message: depsite everything, in the end they were happy. Not always and not easily, but they lived, and built and did good. And that’s not always possible with survivors. It’s our job as fans to add the rest, all the author needed to do was say ‘yes, they made it out okay.”

My Canon OTP: BELLAMORT Seriously, I have screenshoted the details of TCC where it shows they’re canon. 

My Non-canon OTP: Harry/Delphi

Most Badass Character: Bellatrix, handsdown.  McGonagall out of the good people. 

Most Epic Villain: Voldemort, we’d have no books without him. He can be dumb, but it’s cute.

Pairing I am not a fan of: I’m not huge in non-canon Hermione ships, and anything with Snape is gross.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): ...Snape? Not his character, but the light she gave him by naming Harry’s kid after him. It appeared she was clear on him not being an admirable person, but then he’s the bravest bloke ever? No, ma’am. 

Favourite Friendship: The Golden Trio, they work as a three-man-group better, I won’t devide them. 

Character I most identify with: PostAzkaban!Bellatrix feels she’s letting her master and herself down, and so do it. I keep looking for my former self. Who wasn’t much after all, but had some qualities I should recultivate. 

Character I wish I could be: ... I’d like to have some Bellamort qualities that I lack, but in general I’m fine working on myself.  

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

When I started shipping them:  After I finished the books, so that’s since 2007, 13 cool, angsty years. 

My thoughts: I love them, they’re my evil babies. In fact, I don’t even have reasons for loving them, as most shippers do, I’d just die for them. 

What makes me happy about them: That theyre complicately made for each other in their unique goth way. And that in the end they had a kid, which I think helped Voldemort out a lot with his issues with intimacy and emotions. 

What makes me sad about them:  That they died *sobs hysterically*. Also that they’re proud idiots who don’t communicate well. Also in the books they have like two scenes together. (HE SCREAMED THO)

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: Seeing Bella’s character butchered down to a snivelling, slavish idiot, though these aren’t Bellamort fics usually.  In Bellamort fics, it feels like a cheat when it says Bellamort but it’s just Bella pining and Voldemort really not caring. I don’t have a problem with the POV, but it needs to be tagged as unrequited. Otherwise I’m open to perspectives. 

Things I look for in fanfic: Good writing, mostly. I’m also a huge fan of Muggle!AU’s, so if you have that, I’ll read it, no questions asked XD

My wishlist: On Amazon? :P I presume this means wishlist on fics/art with these two, but do correct me if I’m wrong. I dont have one, since I write myself, so whatever I want to read, I write. Right now I’m on a bit of a writing hiatus (but don’t take my word for it, my emotional world is fucking rollercoaster), but at some point I’d like to see a mermaid!AU and a lot of exploration between Voldemort and his mother, while Bella holds his hand. 

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Alone and miserable. I guess Bella would have been okay with Rodolphus, had Tom/Voldemort never been born.  And Voldemort/Tom would have been fine too with some nameless pretty woman he did not love but had to marry to keep face.  But I think that they would have never been truly happy with anyone else. especially Tom, he’d never be really comfortable with anyone. 

My happily ever after for them: VoldemortWins!AU, they conquer Europe, Bella is Minister for War, Voldemort the Emperor. Maybe they have a kid, maybe a couple more or none at all, who cares, the point is they live and fulfull their dreams of revolutionising the Wizarding Wolrd.  I also have a sappy afterlife!AU where for a while Bella is imprisoned at the family castle for having a halfblood little bastard, goes half-insane, as Voldemort searches for her (they had a spat right after they got there), and Delphi kills herself and goes to find her dad in small-child form. They finally get tgether and live death happily ever after in some Norwegian fjord in the frozen tundra. (it’s also my personal happy ending, only it’s cats and snakes)

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you:

How I feel about this character: I love Bella. She’s a bitch and a sadist, but I love her. 

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: The one and only, his majesty the Dark Lord himself. 

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: Rodolphus, he’s her only friend.  Also, sad HC: Bella was very close to Andromeda until she got too involved with Voldemort and his cause, and they drifted apart. No one wept harder than Bella after Andy left, and it was her who spent days banging on the Tonks’ door to let them speak to her. Voldy could squeeze tears out of his shirt after she fell asleep crying about it. 

My unpopular opinion about this character: Again, not sure about unpopular.  I believe she suffers from genuine mental illness that tortures her a lot and makes her life (and her shared life with Voldemort too) very hard. Also I find her more self-doubting and reserved than most authors, hard working and largely indifferent to people who aren’t Voldemort. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Actual romantic scene would have been nice, but HE SCREAMED after all. Let’s not ask for too much. 

Favorite friendship for this character: Rodolphus and Andromeda. Recently I’ve started Brotp-ing Sirius with Bella too, before they parted ways. 

My crossover ship: I don’t really have any other fandoms, but I have been exploring the world of the Witcher as of late, so I’d love a showdown between Bella and Yen. It’d be so hot.

Well, this was fun! Thanks, @bellamort1993 for sending the ask. I have this feeling that I’ve replied to this before, but for some reason it’s still in my drafts, so I’m posting it. If you’ve seen it before, I apologise for bothering you... 

[yannsscarf]

A personal selection:

every favorite shot from every episode of Skam France season 3.

episode 1: the moment when lucas made up his mind and took the first step.

to me, its a hard one between the moment when eliott walked in le foyer and that facial expression lucas made. it's like a hit to the head and something was growing inside from that moment. but again to me the story of lucas begins here. he chose his fate, his instinct. he hesitated, swallowed, yet he still walked forward. i just love this moment so much.

episode 2:  the moment when lucas becoming the Polaris of eliott.

specifically this shot. lucas looked back and its almost like he was searching for acceptance. its so telling with his careful, longing, slightly doubted face. he cut himself open and presented his heart to his crush, it's so bold of a move but it's so beautiful, heartbreakingly beautiful. and you can see eliott’s eyes, they are lightening up like there’s nothing brighter than lucas.

episode 3: the moment when they challenged each other.

where do I begin? or do I even need to? lucas’ eyes are telling everything. if there’s any moment that they are confirming things between them, this is the moment. lucas is challenging, eliott is challenging, they dare each other to take the first move. the tension, the desire, the nameless butterflies flying around in the air. name one stronger eye contact in tv history I’ll wait.

episode 4: ‘i’ve watched your project.’ ‘guess we have to marry now.’

this particular shot is hands down my fav in this season. just how it resembles the dream of eliott, how it shows that lucas is definitely the polaris to eliott, how brave and beautiful it is for lucas to take a lead and show his pure admiration and love to eliott. at this moment they stopped questioning, they stopped guessing and teasing, they found each other. I might be the weirdest person but to me, locking fingers is waaaaay more poetic, sensual and significant than other physical contacts. and this moment completed me.

episode 5: the ending shot.

how do you say, disappointed, hurt, brokenhearted, numbed and despaired? this ending shot tells you how. I don't know where to begin or how to begin to describe the feeling that I had after this scene. or how much it is enough for me to appreciate the cinematography in here. every time I watch it I'm always amazed by that certain amount of blurriness in the ending shot, as if its seen through the eyes of lucas, blurred out from time to time, losing focus every now and then, crushed by rage, despondency, and hopelessness.

episode 6: utter vulnerability, emotionally raw, and friends become family.

I love how lucas is being the one who comforts people in the beginning and tried so hard to get himself together, yet failed in the end. the whole blue in this shot, tone-wise and emotion-wise, is thoroughly conveyed. somehow in the mood of sadness and sorrow, we felt the warmth. in the moment of taciturnity, sadness was flowing under, and the tears were their way out.

episode 7: a fascinating dance in the rain of oil paint.

I probably rewatched this episode 200 times before i made my decision. what can say besides the fact that this clip is not only a tribute but a poem of its own. the way they swing, how they hold onto each other, the holy intimacy, and colors are everywhere as if we just walked into someone’s dream. the shot is so perfectly done it almost feels sacred to me, and nothing there should be violated. hold your breath, stop whatever you are doing, drop your phone, take a seat, and enjoy one the most beautiful shots in tv history.

episode 8: lucas’ ability to love people.

episode 8 is probably the hardest one. too much has happened and too many need to be remembered. i actually made a final 5 and then ditched them all, come up with this one. funny thing is that no matter how many times i watch this clip, especially this scene, i can't tell if its an improvisation or its actually in the script. but either way, they have given a whole new layer of lucas’ character, his ability to love. he stares at eliott until he has gone from sight, he blows a kiss to him even no one is there to catch. this moment is when i go, this boy is far gone in love, its so silly so pure so heartwarming yet so full of strength. he has the world’s strongest empathy even tho he’s gained less during his childhood. this level of devotion and loyalty made lucas the most loveable, angelic and relatable. (btw the tip of his nose bounces when he blows kisses I’ve watched it for two hours no regret.)

episode 9: remember stopped and lucas whispered, ‘T’es plus tout seul.’

kudos to the editing team because how many of us had goosebumps when remember was put on hold, as if the whole world has stopped and all you can hear is lucas’ mad heartbeat, following the line, ‘you are not alone anymore.’ its so simple, so heartwrenching, yet so powerful. they way lucas put himself in a lower position, forehead against eliott, hands cupping eliott’s face, you don't need to hear it to know how much he loves him. its written on his face.

episode 10: the tears of Juedi 17h32.

lucas has cried many times during this season. too many times to the point some pious, mindless people started to complain about it. I’ve said it before but I gotta say it again, be grateful, be devoted, it really is a privilege for us to sit there and witness them all. his emotions through his tears in this season are priceless. and how amazing the whole crew is because they aren't afraid to show it to the audiences. society tells men that its a shame to cry, and most of them act along. lucas said, fuck it, I’ll cry whenever I feel it. and isn't it just the most beautiful, important thing in the world? to me, episode 10 has blessed us some of the most accurate, sincere, on-point reactions. eliott’s honest monologue about his mental health, lucas’ overprotective status and his strong empathy showed up everywhere in those little details. but nothing hits me harder than this shot. the bus drifted, then the camera started pulling away but remained closeup, lucas’ emotions was poured out, everyone is feeling it through the screen. his tears are shed for sadness from parting, happiness from love and tenderness from eliott. his tears are the proof of living the moment, that lucas is living in the moment and feeling everything. and it has to be in our recognition that no one should be reserved from showing basic human emotions. 

I specifically took some of those out and highlighted some frames just to show that I really really love them. it’s not ranked, its nearly impossible to rank them. I already had a hard time choosing between scenes. again it’s only my personal taste and some might not seem to be important at all to others. but they are truly my favourite, cinematography wise, symbolism-wise, just anything.

I can’t even say its a tribute or anything to season 3 because it’s just my simple modification of the original work. I only picked them just so I can show my genuine appreciation to the whole crew. they are the real MVP. they have to know that I for one appreciate every second of the season and every piece of transmedia content. I laughed, I cried, I got upset, I became furious, I smiled, I rolled my eyes, I looked into the void, I sighed, but most importantly, I learned.

lucas lallemant, being the little hero he is, really had me fall hard. i don’t even know how to use my pale, plain, tasteless words to describe how much i love him. i love him knowing that i could never reach his level of bravery, and it doesn’t matter. i have thousands of words for him yet somehow I can’t say anything.

I guess if parallel universe does exist, maybe I’ll meet him, hold his hands, might even say thank you even if it sounds strange as hell. but I do thank him.

thank you lucas, for you being you, for always choose love. Thank you for never quitting, for never stop fighting. Sometimes I take a look at you and I tell myself, somewhere in this universe you exist, and that’s such a bliss. I don’t know what did I do to deserve you, such a gentle soul, such a golden heart. Thank you for just, your whole existence. I take a look back of the teenager me and seeing the things that I’ve missed, people who I’ve been wronged. And there’s you, lucas, there’s you. You did things that i never had the guts to do, you choose the one that I’ve lost a long time ago. And I’m so happy that you did because you deserve all the love.

You are my little hero and always will. It’s been such a short amount of time, if only I knew parting was this hard, I would give up anything just to live through these all over again, just so I can meet you one more time, just so I can see your beautiful goofy smile, hold your hands, and give you the biggest hug in the whole world, and say a proper goodbye instead of being a mess and totally out of breath because of all the tears.

I’m gonna miss you so much.

Goodbye Lucas, I love you so, so much, I really do.

Until next time.

[soothinghymn]

Character Interview: Epitome

I couldn’t resist, I love my tiefling wizard daughter. 

Saw @s0tc​’s post tagging anyone interested, and knew I had to go for it. Not sure who the hell would be interviewing her, but I’m interested in playing around with her written voice, so we’re doing this anyway.

For the mutuals who are my party members in this campaign: some backstory spoilers follow. I tried to keep them fairly vague, but there is some info here that you don’t have yet. Just a heads-up.

Tagging: Anyone who feels like it!!

(This art is a commission I got from @needlesslycryptic​​, btw — see the full portrait here, if you haven’t already!!)

► NAME ➔ She brings a hand up toward the hollow of her throat, gesturing to her person. “I’m Epitome. Pleasure.” That last word sounds distinctly insincere.

► ARE YOU SINGLE ➔ She exhales in a half-hearted laugh. “Of course.”

► ARE YOU HAPPY ➔  "Hm, that’s a weird question. I suppose I’m as happy as I can be, but... well. Ambitions keep people on their toes.”

► ARE YOU ANGRY ➔ "At you? No.” She gives you a look of mild amusement. “At certain individuals and organizations who shall, for now, remain nameless? Very much so.”

► ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL MARRIED ➔  Her eyes narrow. “Oh, I don’t even know if they’re still alive, much less if their relationship survived." She comes across as rather dismissive.

NINE FACTS

► BIRTH PLACE ➔ “Right here in Baldur’s Gate, although I left for a while, at a fairly young age. Been back here for about...” She stops to do the math in her head. “Eight years now.”

► HAIR COLOR ➔  “It’s white. You can see me, can’t you?”

► EYE COLOR ➔ “Why ask when you can just observe?” She leans forward slightly, half inviting, half daring you to do the same. Behind her glasses, her eyes are a milky white to match her hair. At first they seem to be one solid hue, but on closer inspection she does have irises and pupils, only slightly offset in color from the rest of the eyes. They’re staring directly at you. 

► BIRTHDAY ➔ “The 27th of Flamerule, 1469 DR.** I’m 25 years old.”

► MOOD ➔ “Oh, just ecstatic to be here.” She sounds sarcastic again, but her smile is genuine.

► GENDER ➔ “I generally prefer to be seen as a lady. But I’m not picky.”

► SUMMER OR WINTER ➔ “Hard to choose. I think I enjoy the summer myself, but... people appreciate fire more in winter. If you take my meaning.”

► MORNING OR AFTERNOON ➔ “Afternoon. More people out and about.”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

► ARE YOU IN LOVE ➔ "No. Should I be?”

► DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT ➔ “Not particularly.”

► WHO ENDED YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP ➔ "Who said I’ve ever been in a relationship? Quite frankly, I don’t understand what all the fuss is about.”

► HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART ➔ “Possibly, but not in the way you’re thinking.”

► ARE YOU AFRAID OF COMMITMENTS ➔ "All commitments I make are to myself, first and foremost, so there is nothing to fear.”

► HAVE YOU HUGGED SOMEONE WITHIN THE LAST WEEK? ➔ “Does a fey spirit in the form of a winged cat count?”

► HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SECRET ADMIRER ➔ “If I have, I’d like to think I’d have known about it... and maybe found a good use for it. But nothing comes to mind, so no. I doubt it.”

► HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN YOUR OWN HEART? ➔ “I have regrets, if that’s what you mean. But I prefer to take chances and live with my mistakes, then regret never trying at all.”

SIX CHOICES

► LOVE OR LUST ➔ “You really enjoy asking questions about my nonexistent love life, don’t you? Why don’t you answer this question for me?”

► LEMONADE OR ICED TEA ➔ “Both.”

► CATS OR DOGS ➔ “Cats... but I’ve come around to dogs a little. Lived with someone who really liked them.”

► A FEW BEST FRIENDS OR MANY REGULAR FRIENDS ➔ “I prefer a great number of casual acquaintances.”

► WILD NIGHT OUT OR ROMANTIC NIGHT IN ➔ “Again with the romance! I’m starting to get annoyed.” She doesn’t sound annoyed; she sounds like she’s teasing.

► DAY OR NIGHT ➔ “Night.” She grins. Her canines are longer than average. “I can see in the dark.”

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

► BEEN CAUGHT SNEAKING OUT ➔ “Yes, many times. No one ever seemed to care much, though— well, except the one time.”

► FALLEN DOWN/UP THE STAIRS ➔ “Graciously, no. Not yet, anyway.”

► WANTED SOMETHING/SOMEONE SO BADLY IT HURT? ➔ "I still do.” She doesn’t elaborate.

► WANTED TO DISAPPEAR ➔ "At one time, yes. Badly. But not anymore.”

FOUR PREFERENCES

► SMILE OR EYES ➔ “Here we go again,” she says flippantly. “Taking a non-romantic angle: I can tell a lot about a person by their eyes. Smiles, on the other hand, tend to be used as a disguise for all sorts of ugly emotions.” As if to prove her point, she smiles wide.

► SHORTER OR TALLER ➔ “Doesn’t matter to me.”

► INTELLIGENCE OR ATTRACTION ➔ She takes a more serious tone than usual to answer. “I love learning. Knowledge has always been, and will always be, my greatest pursuit in life.” She relaxes a bit, begins speaking more casually again. “So obviously, I like conversing with smart people... or at least, people who can provide the information I want.”

► HOOK-UP OR RELATIONSHIP ➔ “How does ‘neither’ sound?”

FAMILY

► DO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY GET ALONG ➔  "Depends on what you consider my family. If you mean my birth parents, then no. Absolutely not. If you mean my...” She deliberates for a moment. “...my teacher, then also no, although at least he sort of saw me as a person. Enough to let my young, stupid self argue with him a few times, and not smite me where I was standing.”

► WOULD YOU SAY YOU HAVE A “MESSED UP LIFE” ➔ "Definitely,” she deadpans.

► HAVE YOU EVER RAN AWAY FROM HOME ➔ "Yes.” Then she adds with mock reassurance, “I had some help.”

► HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN KICKED OUT ➔ “Hmm. More like my teacher kicked himself out, leaving me to get my affairs in order on my own.”

FRIENDS

► DO YOU SECRETLY HATE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS ➔ “If I did, I wouldn’t tell you. That’s the sort of thing you keep to yourself, in case said ‘friend’ could still do you a solid.”

► DO YOU CONSIDER ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS GOOD FRIENDS ➔ “No... although I have a surprisingly good feeling about a few people I’ve met recently.”

► WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND ➔ “Winnie! She’s, uh... she’s my familiar. In case that wasn’t clear.” 

► WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU ➔ “Well, my teacher knows more about me than most people.” She sighs, her face falling just a little for the first time. “An extremely powerful mage, off doing god-knows-what in god-knows-where... has potential dirt on me.” She gives you a wry smile. “Remember when I said I have regrets?”

** Yes I bothered to look up the Forgotten Realms calendar for this question — in irl terms, she was born toward the end of July.

[calliecat93]

Top 5 Things I Disliked About RWBY Volume 5

(Top 5 Likes)

I don’t think that I’m exaggerating when I say that RWBY V5 is most likely the most hated volume thus far. I… don’t hate it. Oh don’t get me wrong, it is a flawed volume and suffers badly in the pacing department. I still put it above Volumes 1 and 2, but it is definitely below the rest. But hate it? Nah! There’s plenty that I like about it, and I’ll get to all those on the Likes post! But we gotta do Dislikes first. While I don’t hate V5, with how much hate it had gotten and still does even nearly two years later… let’s just say that I have a lot of negative feelings towards it. So I have not looked forward to going over it again, especially in a negative context. But… I do have dislikes and I do want to talk about them, and I’m not gonna let my own feelings prevent me from doing so.

So, let’s get to my Top 5 Dislikes of Volume 5 and get this over with.

#5. Corsic and Fennec

So… imo, the worst villain in the show is Cardin because he is just a one-dimensional bully who only exists to be a hate sink. But my second least favorite is these two guys. While I really like their designs and voices, as villains? They suck. THey’re just kinda creepy followers of Adam. Why? Why are they following Adam? Why are they serving the extremist side of the White Fang? I know why Ilia is doing it, but why these guys? If they were just nameless mooks I wouldn’t care, but they’re the main antagonists of Blake’s arc in this volume aside from Adam and the ones fueling Ilia’s extremism. I was expecting more substance, but… nope. There is none.

They have no motivation. They seem to want what’s best for the Faunus, like Ilia does, they’re just less hesitant than she is. But they have no real character. They’re just… there. I never felt like they were a threat or a concern. They’re just creepy cult leaders, and that’s just boring for me. Maybe that was the intent? IDK. As villains though, they suck. But as I said, they had good voice actors and hey at least unlike Cardin they have some kind of purpose, so I’ll leave it at Number Five

#4. Leo Lionheart

Honestly, Leo wasn’t a bad character. I understood where he was coming from, especially after V6. He feels like Salem can’t be and is afraid, so he shifted to Salem to survive. He knows that what he’s doing is wrong and that he’s giving in to cowardice, which hey he’s honest, unlike say… Raven. Clearly, we’re supposed to feel bad for this guy and his turn after serving Ozpin faithfully for so many years and this is a fall from grace form a once-proud Huntsmana nd Academy Headmaster. But… I… don’t feel bad for this guy. At all.

So you know how ‘show don’t tell’ is a frequent critique towards RWBY. Well, V5 may have gotten that the worst. Leo suffers from that. We’re told about how he was this great Huntsman How he was once one of Ozpin’s most loyal followers, and the betrayal still has Oz reeling in the next volume. But I don’t see any of that. We never knew about Leo until this volume. We never see or hear about how great and loyal he is until now. We don’t even find out that he’s a Faunus, and considering Mistral’s racism you’d think that that would be a bigger deal than it gets made out to be. I don’t feel bad for this guy. I just see him as a coward who allowed various Huntsmen to die just because he was scared. I didn’t care if he felt bad because I had zero reasons to feel sympathy for him or feel bad about his fall from grace. He led people to their deaths all because he was a coward, and there is no sympathy in that.

Leo was a weak character. As such, as horrifying as it was, I was perfectly happy when he died when I’m pretty sure that I was supposed to feel some sympathy. His voice actor did a really good job, but sadly the character himself was underdeveloped. It’s a shame, and hopefully, they avoid that with the Vacuo Headmaster. But yeah, Leo was weak, and good riddance to him.

#3. The Battle of Haven

By far, the most well-known criticism. I knew that this wouldn’t be as epic as the Fall fo Beacon considering that they weren’t going for a mass assault/statement like in Vale. Which was fine and since they were still new to Maya, I wasn’t expecting a massive brawl like then anyways. Like I’ve said before, I feel like V3 raised a somewhat impossible standard so IDT that the Haven fight would have pleased a lot of people no matter what they did. But… that being said… they didn’t do a very good job here.

It starts off well, but from about the point that Weiss gets stabbed, it goes downhill. We have characters just standing around. Fights just end without us getting to see them. The pacing is awkward. Some of the animations are awkward. We get fight teases like Qrow vs Raven and RWB vs HEM… and it’s already over when we cut back to them. It’s frustrating as Hell. Now group fights are very difficult… but this was just… lackluster. Now animaiton is not easy, so I think that the animators likely did the best that they could in the time that they had. It’s just unfortunate that the final result was not very good.

FOr what was meant to be the grand event, it sadly wasn’t very grand at all. I do think that they improved as the next massive brawl against Cordo’s mech was much better and gave everyone something to do. It’s what I appreciate about CRWBY, they acknowledge the mistakes and they do their best to correct them. Honestly, it could have been worse and again, animaiton is hard and they’re on a time limit. It’s unfortunate that the final result couldn’t have been better, but ah well. I’ll take what we get.

#2. The Pacing/Exposition

The thing best known about this volume, aside from the issues with the Battle, is it’s over-reliance of exposition and having nothing really happen. I mean, The House has become infamous. I think that some of the exposition was necessary, like Raven making Yang question Oz, but it does drag quite a bit. We have a long stretch of volumes where it’s mainly just characters telling stuff to others. The RNJR training arc goes nowhere. Qrow recruiting Huntsmen goes nowhere. Blake repeating Ilia’s backstory despite the Blake trailer already going into it. The Weiss Sky fight, as awesome as it was, probably could have been trimmed down quite a bit.

All of this makes it feel like the volume is going on forever and it gets boring to watch. I’m glad to have all fo this info and clarifications, but they don’t do anything to make it interesting. Like when Qrow tells us about the God’s in V4, they use some creative animation to make it visually interesting and keep our attention. They don’t do that here, and they don’t do anything interesting with the camera work or the character reactions to make it at least entertaining to listen to. And as I already covered, the Battle for Haven dragged out and had choppy fights that got cut short or happened off-screen. Which made what should have felt super exciting… well… not.

This volume drag. They gave it a good start, and then just… kinda stretched it out to fit the 14 episodes. A lot could have been trimmed down I think. I heard that writing fell behind a pretty good amount, so this one is fully on Miles and Kerry. I’m sure that they tried their best, and I can only guess that they got overwhelmed. I mean heck, they had to cut out an entire plotline while well into production, and don’t worry we’ll get to that in a minute. Had they done a little reworking and rearranging, the pacing could have been a lot better. Unfortunately, it wasn’t. IDK if I’d call it the worst written, but it may just be the most boring.

Still, the volume did has a lot of good character stuff and conversations. As such, I can suck up the pacing. That being said, there was one thing about V5 that did genuinely upset me. Like I still feel like V5 gets hated on more than it should, but this I very much did not defend. What is it?

#1. Ruby Rose Was Poorly Handled

This just angered me. Ruby is my favorite character. I had a lot of expectations for her in this volume. We’re going into another Battle. We have an arc et up to have Ruby improve as a fighter and not be overly reliant on Crescent Rose. Even the Yang Trailer hinted at that. With Oz back, Ruby can start to question about the Silver Eyes and maybe figure out how to properly utilize them to help int he fight. She’s about to get her team back, so we can see how her leadership skills have improved. Maybe we’ll have her open up about her pent-up feelings. We kind got that when she talked to Oscar, which to be fair was a good scene. But we were still waiting to see her open up and to have a payoff for all that was built up, especially with her renewed resolve to be a Huntress.

And they did absolutely nothing. 

I can’t begin to tell you how disappointed I was. Her training arc amounts to her head-butting Mercury and is still completely reliant on Crescent Rose. Aside from the one scene with Oscar and when Yang re-appears, she doesn’t open up about her feelings at all and little is done to get her to do so. We see that she has PTSD in Haven when Cinder goes at Jaune, but she has zero real reaction to Cinder nor the damage that she dished out to her in V3. She doesn’t really interact with her team when they’re back… though the reunion scenes themselves are really good. She doesn’t question Ozpin whatsoever about the Silver Eyes or even indicates that she’s wondering about it. Like… really guys? Really? Even if Oz just said that he didn’t know anything outside what Qrow told her, we still could have had something from her end. Anything. 

No? Really? We’re just... not gonna do anything? She is the main character, so... shouldn't there be at least a little? Still no? Okay...

Ruby was wasted. This should have been when she began to rise up, take the reigns back with her restored team, and become more serious about her training. I don’t expect her to become a Yang-level brawler, but I do expect to see her trying to progress and getting some kind of payoff. But there was none. She didn’t grow whatsoever. Not as a fighter, nor as a character. What’s worst? You know that cut plotline I mentioned? Yeah, it WAS supposed to be about Ruby and the Silver Eyes. They were going to introduce Maria here and have Ruby begin to understand her power and likely have a proper payoff to her training arc if Maria got involved. But due to timing, they had to cut it and push it into Volume 6. While I fully understand why they did this, the results of that decision show. Ruby was done overall poorly, and while V6 did a lot to fix that, it is still the thing that I dislike most about RWBY Volume 5.

Okay, no more negativity with this volume! Onto the good things! Happy thoughts folks~!

[red-sterling]

thanks for answering!! i hope you don't mind if i send more charas...how about green and/or lillie?

fhgjkfdg aw yea thank u!! hopefully this doesn’t publish before i’m done typing lol

also this definitely needs a readmore bc i got emotional abt Green oops

Green

favorite thing about them

first of all: the fact that Green canonically has a rivals to best friends arc with Red fills me with so much joy and YES they are on their alolan honeymoon you cannot convince me otherwise

okay like. gen 1 Green just perfectly encompasses what it’s like to be a ten year old in a way? like ofc he’s written like a kid bc he is a kid, but i feel like the writing on him just feels so genuine as compared to some of the other 10 yr old rivals you get in other regions. even though he’s kinda a brat at the start, he kinda eases up a bit as you go along your journey and starts giving you progressively nicer/more praise-y end lines when you beat him (going from “i picked the wrong pokémon!” to “so, you are ready for boss rocket!”) but still retains this childlike rivalry and competitiveness and i love that about him

and like. fucking beating him at the Indigo League still completely breaks my heart because even after he did become the champion at age 10 the first thing that happens is you beat him and Prof Oak just yells at him for being bad at things and like. ow. 

this is why i headcanon that Red actually took awhile longer to get to Green like please. please give my boy a chance to be happy and proud

also Red was caught up with Team Rocket anyway so i imagine he must’ve fallen a little behind at some point? anyway

the development on him across regions is so choice!!! he’s so much more mellow and even kinda melancholic when you find him in gsc/hgss, like he’s calmed down over a few years and he obviously misses Red so much but like, it’s clear that Red is kinda the reason Green does settle down and he seems to have worked on his character and become a nicer person - and he still has that sassy flair to him! he’s just got that gradual slope from asshole rival to kinda aloof gym leader to friendly/sassy battle legend and aaaaa i love my boy so MUCH

also huge point: he’s so fucking driven??? he’s got the most drive and the most passion for battles/pokémon in general out of all the rivals i feel. he’s only closely matched by Silver, but Silver seems to be more aggressive than passionate, and somewhat out of necessity too (like, Giovanni abandoned him what was he to do), whereas Green just really like. he genuinely just cares so much about battles and about pokémon in general! he literally calls you in hgss and just rants about how many different kinds of pokémon there are in the world!!!

also in Alola he’s like???? just so sweet?????? he congratulates you and is like hey you’re really strong lets battle like!!!!!!!!! supportive boy!!!!! he has come so far over so many generations and i cry

also on Four Island when you play frlg he legitimately says “Be smelling ya!” when he leaves and how do you not love this idiot

least favorite thing about them

i mean. while i get that you beat Green right after he becomes the champion in the kanto games i feel like there should’ve been more pomp and circumstance for him and i’ll never forgive gamefreak for giving this boy his dream, then making you rip it away from him, and then watching his own gramps yell at him for fucking up like. again it’s that drive, i get why Red keeps such good pace w Green but i just feel like he worked so hard and he deserved so much better than that

also while i’m very biased towards him bc Big Emotions, i feel like if i knew this boy irl who was constantly i’m so great and you’re a loser i would probably punch him eventually lmao. in theory it’s kinda endearing but as a real person that’d be grating 

favorite line

on one hand, “smell ya later” is so fucking iconic, but on the other - 

“I’m Blue. Man, this guy called Red brought me down in a heartbeat. I haven’t seen him in a long time…I wonder where he is and what he’s up to… Come to think of it, you look a little bit like Red. Yeah, you do. Just…Just a little bit. Whatever…”

my namelessshipping heart

ALSO NOT CANON BUT GREEN RANTING TO YOU ABOUT RED AND GETTING SO DISTRACTED THAT HE FORGETS TO GIVE YOU THE POKÉDEX????? BIG GAY

brOTP

for long elaborate headcanon reasons, i see him as being a good brotp with Kris - i headcanon her as also being really driven the way Green is, but more quiet about it, she’s kinda a good balance to him and they probably do pokemon research together. i also feel like she kept him sane while Red was still missing/before they found him on a fuckin mountain

OTP

do i really need to tell you that i’m 100% namelessshipping

like they perfectly balance each other. Green has all this energy and all this spunk and Red is just like… so opposite of him y'know? he’s quiet and he’s more measured in his behavior i feel, he doesn’t really rush into things as much, and yet they both really just took Kanto by storm when they were kids, and i like how they have this foil dynamic and are both still so successful? they’re so different and they complement each other in that way, and they both find success in their own ways

like one of the reasons i hate that Green’s championship gets undersold so much is that he did beat you to the punch, and he has been one step ahead of you, and there’s so much passion there and it’s so loud - and yet you as Red are just as driven, you take down Team Rocket, you’re always right on his tail, so close but not quite there, you’re the only one who can keep up with him and you’re the only one he cares enough about to slow down for

so like. idk with even all my headcanons about namelessshipping aside (and i can infodump those another day lol), i feel like the in-game representation of them just works. they just work so well together, they balance each other without ever holding each other back, and there’s something really beautiful about that in a relationship y'know

…..i feel bad abt not putting as much infodump about isshushipping now but oh well

nOTP

i don’t really have a notp with him? i kinda like. i basically just do namelessshipping, but i don’t get a visceral eugh when i see other ships with him, just kinda a well it’s not nameless so i’ll be on my way. idek what other ships w him are popular?? i’ve been in nameless hell since 2012 so 

random headcanon

while Red is still living on Mount Silver, Green is not coping well with having him so far away, and so Green massively overworks himself to the point that he keeps just not being in his gym sometimes bc he’s bouncing between the gym, training multiple teams, pokémon research, and ofc going to visit Red whenever he can. this leads him to be kinda temperamental after he’s been working on 2 hours of sleep a day for like a week until he just has an emotional meltdown and crashes, and then he gets right back into it because he has no self preservation

…….. nicer headcanon; Red can only cook two (2) foods, so Green cooks all the food for them when they move in together. he has attempted to teach Red how to cook, but Red pretends not to understand so Green will keep making him food. Green knows Red is faking it and doesn’t call him out bc he thinks it’s cute

unpopular opinion

look i’ve played through classic red version a few times and when i say he wasn’t that much of a jerk, i do genuinely mean he was not that much of a jerk. he’s like ten. ten year olds are just Like That. i guess this isn’t too unpopular anymore but it was Back In The Day and in some parts of the fandom he’s still seen as a jerk and like Bro He Is Ten In RGB/FRLG cut him some slack

also genuinely unpopular - Green is taller than Red. i know namelessshipping has fallen into the bara Red and twink Green trope but i refuse to let go of tall Green/short Red fuckin fight me why dont you

song i associate with them

a lot of the Pray For The Wicked album by Panic! at the Disco gives me Green vibes, more for the sound than for lyrics necessarily, but for some reason Roaring 20s just like. has the sound of Green to me. it’s somewhere between flamboyant pride and underlying insecurity that i think really encapsulates Green (or at least his subtext)

favorite picture of them

i genuinely love his let’s go concept art he’s such a sweet good boy?? 

and for the life of me i cannot find the op source on this but this is my fave pic of Green/namelessshipping in general that i’ve had saved since like 2012 maybe???

yeah if anyone can help me source that i’d appreciate it bc reverse image search only brings me to pinterest and random wattpad links :/

update: source seems to be the artist くる (pixiv id=982894) on pixiv, even though the original post got taken down (ty anon!)

Lillie

favorite thing about them

by now i guess you know im a sucker for character development, but i think they did a really good job with her!! i feel like her turn is a bit more in moments than it is with Green, who gradually evolves (lol) over the course of Kanto/all the gens overall. you see more discrete moments where Lillie starts to shift and gain confidence in herself and i am so proud of her ???? like the way she gets excited when she sees Olivia doin’ her z-move stuff, she starts buying her own clothes and getting ahead of you, etc etc

and like, she still has moments where she’s scared, there’s still some fundamental Lillie in there yknow? you don’t lose any of that softness that characterizes Lillie, she just like… she gets better, she develops without losing her Lillie vibe and i love that abt her. she overcomes a lot of the shit she had to deal with when she was stuck with Lusamine, she stands up to Lusamine eventually, and ghfdkjsg gah she’s a sweet gorl i love and appreciate her

also like. the writing on her backstory is so subtle in-universe. like yeah she literally looks like Lusamine’s daughter and you see her in the opening cutscene leaving Aether, but as the protagonist - like as Selene lets say, there’s little hints about where Lillie came from, and if you suspend your disbelief and put yourself in the pc’s shoes, there’s subtly to her character arc that i like 

also like. when she changes her outfit and starts being more protagonist-y, like more confident and kinda bubbly instead of shy??? love that shit it’s so cute can i have custody of this child pls

least favorite thing about them

i like. sometimes feel like she’s too soft of a character for me to really get into? like i love her and Hau, they’re sweet good friends, but i tend to personally gravitate towards characters that create a little more tension (ie Green and N)

(though on that note, Hau can be kinda savage. he just calls Faba out and sarcastically calls Gladion “a ray of sunshine” at some point i think?? Lillie is just very tender and i will support her forever, but i think that also makes her almost too soft to keep me fixated on her yknow. it’s not even a flaw in her character but just not something i fawn over as much)

favorite line

“I’m so glad I got to meet everyone. I’m so glad I got to meet you.”

like that ending kills me but that line almost feels like. I Feel That So Much like i feel so happy to have met all these new characters and to have played these games, and i feel like some of the player’s energy and enjoyment of the game is channeled into this last line of hers 

also GET IN THE BAG

brOTP

probably her and Hau?? idk, i don’t have a specific brotp for her but i like her just hangin around w the other Alola kids, so like her, Hau, Gladion, and the protag kids. they’d raise hell together and Lillie continues to be the only one with some impulse control

(Gladion also has some impulse control but keeps getting annoyed by Hau and so he gets dragged into their nonsense anyway)

OTP

Selene and Lillie is. Good. idk what the ship name is but it’s canon

nOTP

i dont even know if people ship her with Gladion but incest is a big no-no in my house

random headcanon

when she goes to Kanto, i bet she’d pick Bulbasaur as a starter if she was given the opportunity - and if not, she’d probably catch a wild Vulpix 

unpopular opinion

idk if have any unpopular opinions for her?? 

song i associate with them

i have no reason to associate this with her but the Rainy Day theme from acgc just. has a vibe about it. i think a lot of ac music feels like it suits her

favorite picture of them

i found this art of her through a lofi remix of her theme awhile back and it’s so pleasing to look at? her hair is nice and the colors are so warm n happy gjhkfdgf

if you read this far, congratulations!!! and i’m sorry

[scifrey]

My Very Spoilery Endgame Review - What I Liked, What Annoyed Me, and Two Questions I Am Left With

I was very satisfied and enjoyed it very much. The theater burst into applause in several instances and it was great to celebrate the end of an era with fellow fans.

Now for the spoilery critiques and praise.

My favorite moments were:

Thor reconciling his self-image and self-worth with his mother

“I’m still worthy.”

Loki escaping and (hopefully) living in at least one timeline - because if Steve went back to “trim the branches” then this means he returned the Tesseract to 1970. Which means the branch where Loki snagged the Tesseract and was not imprisoned on Asgard may have endured*. 

Ken Jeong’s cameo.

Stan Lee’s cameo.

Banner coming to terms with who and what he is and living comfortably with the Hulk.

Basically everyone really leaning into the self-love  and self-value by the end of the film.

“That is America’s Ass”.

“I could do this all day.” “Yeah, I know.”

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.”

“Ha! I knew it!”

“I am Iron Man.”

Scott finding Cassie alive.

Wong’s exasperated reply to Strange’s “Is that everyone?”

Nebula’s redemption. This is a princess (as Squidward calls Thanos “sire”) who saves her own damn self.

How the thing that gave the game away to Thanos was actually really clever and well executed; this wasn’t a “heroes are just stupid this one time” (like how Quill screwed the pooch in Infinity War when they had the damn glove). It was something that I genuinely hadn’t thought of, and I assume no one, not even Nebula, would have thought of. It worked. And it worked well.

All the ladies supporting Carol in the final battle - which was awesome but also felt a bit like the moment was added only so the Russos could check it off a “don’t piss off the feminists” list.

How the final battle set it up well for the next phase - I liked how the Glove Relay was from an OG Avenger (Hawkeye) to the new Avengers - Black Panther, Spider-man, and Captain Marvel.

“I love you 3000″.

Falcon!Cap - finally! Yay!

The sound of the armor that started it all being forged as the endcap of the credits.

However.

I wish Bucky and Steve had also had a meaningful moment at the end, like Steve and Sam, something that made it clear that even though Steve was older now, he was no less Bucky’s best pal. 

I'm very, very annoyed that they Fridged Natasha. I mean, I get it. Someone had to die. And we all knew Hawkeye was going to go back to his family, so it wouldn’t be him. And I do love how they did the death, how Nat and Clint fought with one another to the be the one to make the sacrifice. And her death would have been especially cheap if Bruce had just Snapped her Back. I get it.

And if there wasn’t a long history of Fridging female character to ensure the male ones have enough Man-Pain to have a character arc and impetus to be a hero, then you know what? This would have been a really moving sacrifice. It would have really worked.

But there is. And in light of that, it’s left me... itchy. Uncomfortable. Because in the context of the film alone it was a great death. But in the context of the history of comic book narratives, it sucked.

Also, what does this mean for the Black Widow movie? Will it actually be a prequel? Will it be Budapest? And if it is Budapest, will they use the same actors, or cast new, younger ones?

I also don't understand the narrative reason why they had to make so many fat jokes around Thor.

I mean, yeah, it makes sense he was depressed and stopped taking care of his heath, and self-medicated with booze and food. This was a strong and meaningful narrative and I really liked that he was given the opportunity to mourn, to question his purpose, to become more than just muscles and a hammer in terms of character construction. That he could grieve and struggle, and be filled with crippling regret that kept him indoors and hiding, and filled self-loathing.

 As a character choice it made sense. And I liked that he was still a powerful warrior while chubby, and that he didn’t magically become slim again when he suited up. It was wonderful to see him be no less powerful, dangerous, dedicated, and no less kick ass while sporting a keg instead of a sixpack. 

But they leaned awfully hard on that “fat joke” button and by the time Rhodey said “Cheez Whiz?” I was over it. Its got tedious and frankly a bit insulting.

Teasing someone for suffering because he lost literally everyone he loved is not cool. The jokes fell flat, for good reason. They were cruel.

And when the Russos announced that they had included the MCU's first openly gay character I was hoping that it would be a main character, not some rando dude in a talk therapy meeting. I wanted Bucky and Sam to confess feelings, or Bucky to Steve even if Steve couldn’t return them, or Valkyrie to at least have a wife in New Asgard, or something.

But TBH it didn't surprise me that they made it some nameless dude in group support. Like J.K. Rowling, the Russos are happy to queerbait but too cowardly to commit, and they always have been. I’d be annoyed but it’s not worth the energy. 

At least when the guy mentioned his boyfriend it was a “no big deal” mention, and nobody made a “are you cool with this, Cap?” thing to really point out that ooooo, this dude is queer.

But those are my only gripes. The rest of it was thoroughly enjoyable and satisfying.

Especially all the little call backs. The "I am Iron Man" and “I could do this all day” stuff - it felt like little gifts to the fandom.

However, I have two questions.

1) When people were Snapped Back, were they Snapped to their previous exact geographical location? Because if so, what about people who had been in transit? Did people who were Snapped Away while in a plane just... appear mid-sky and plummet to their deaths? Were people on spaceships Snapped Back into the void of cold space? We saw in Infinity War that helicopters crashed into city streets - the pilot, that means, was Snapped Away. When that pilot came back, where did he come back? Did Bruce think to Snap them all into safe places? (I mean, I assume the Stones accounted for Spacial Drift and the location of planets in orbit... maybe it accounted for people who would have Snapped Back into deadly situations?)

2) I do love that Steve and Peggy got their life together At that point Pegs would have been like... at least 10 years older than Steve? Maybe 15? What would her neighbors think of Sugar Momma Peggy Carter and her Very Much Younger (Looking) Husband?

Did she introduce him to anyone? Did they have neighborhood BBQs? At that point everyone would have known who Captain America/Steve Rogers was so did no one recognize him? What did they say? (Did we get Beardy Steve back???) They had kids, canonically, so was Steve able to attend their T-BAll games and school plays?

One assumes that Sugar Baby Steve would have been the House Husband, because Pegs was running Shield and Steve was out of the game. He’d never be able to show his face at SHIELD because Howard would recognize him, and so would Arnim Zola, so HYDRA would have known that Captain America survived and I imagine they would have given anything to get him into the Chair.

It makes me think that Sugar Baby House Husband Steve would have been very isolated and possibly lonely. Maybe he had a few neighbor friends, but can you image how torturous it must have been to live so privately? To know that Bucky was out there suffering and being tortured and brainwashed and that he couldn’t do anything about it? He couldn’t go save his best pal?

That Peggy could never bring him to the SHIELD Christmas party, to visit her new baby godson Anthony, never attend anything with him.

And it makes me think Steve had to vanish from her life right when his earlier self entered it so like... as soon as she started getting sick enough with Alzheimer's he had to leave. 

Because that’s when younger Steve came into her life, and started visiting her in the nursing home. 

But he had to abandon her when she needed him most, and that is very tragic. How did Steve reconcile that with himself? Especially with returning to a future where she was dead and his friends were alive and he didn’t need to be the Secret Sugar Baby House Husband any more?

All in all, it was very enjoyable and I will watch it again. 

And I look forward to the FanFic.

* This means that Loki in that branch also likely did not participate in the battle against the Dark Elves. His character growth in that moment was likely delayed, but I believe he ultimately would have processed his extreme confusion, self-loathing, and hatred of his betrayal by his “family” Thor enough to join forces with him against the destruction of the universe when it mattered. Perhaps having the extra time to do so might have even served him better.  I don’t know if this means Odin chose to die and Hela was released, thus triggering the destruction of Asgard. I don’t know what this would have meant for Ragnarock - possibly with Odin as the King when he died the defenses would have been better (though I argue the culture and peace of Asgard thrived under Loki, especially with his dismantling of the Empire and the valuing of the Arts) and they would have saved Asgard or at least not lost so many.

And if Asgard had not survived, perhaps in this version something different may have happened, and Loki wouldn’t on the survivor ship. Perhaps he was on a different ship. Perhaps he wasn’t present for the battle at all and in a completely different part of the universe.

If he was elsewhere this means 

a) The Asgardian survivors would have lived because Thanos wouldn’t have targeted the ship, and Thor would have been less self-loathing. 

b) When Thanos found Loki with the Tesseract in this branch, it’s likely Loki was able to ingratiate himself to Thanos and gave the Stone to him without Thor there to tip his hand toward an immediate betrayal murder attempt. I subscribe to the theory that Loki was just as mind-controlled during The Avengers and the Battle of New York as Barton (though I wouldn’t call Loki totally innocent in everything) and that he had been suffering from extreme mental health issues following his unsuccessful attempted suicide. In this case, he would be willing to play the long game to get his revenge on his abuser Thanos. Then, later, hopefully, he joins Thor’s side to save the universe against Thanos (as he did against the Dark Elves)- betraying Thanos and perhaps stopping the Snap before it happened in that timeline. Or if not stopping the Snap, perhaps being a part of the new Avengers if he survived it, or joining in the final battle if he was Snapped Away.

Anyway - I have lots of Loki Thoughts. Feel free to adopt any Plot Bunnies this may have generated in reading this.