#I fucking hate taking commissions from kids and teens man

[bananarsch]

*vomits from frustration over a customer wanting me to change 30+ things about a commission AFTER we went through all stages and I only needed them to decide on a background color...*

Sketch of something I plan to work on for more than 20 minutes. Really needed some personal art as a pick-me-up after this fiasco.

[hello-nichya-here]

Why Ozula Makes Sense & Why It Should Be Canonized

Note: Massive Trigger Warning

Note: Yes, I already know's Nichya's opinion on Ozula. But I want to see her specific thoughts in regards to my post.

In a fan base filled with split opinions, two of the few universally held truths are that Ozai is a horrible parent and that Azula has a lot of issues. But there is a lack of consensus on whether Ozai even abused Azula and even more of a lack of consensus on the nature of his abuse if he did abuse her.

  And for the record, I personally believe that at bare minimum Ozai did emotionally abuse Azula (“Trust is for fools, fear is the only reliable way” did not come out of nowhere). Not to mention turning Azula into a child soldier is obviously abuse.

  But is what we see, or what is heavily implied, enough to explain everything about the Ozai-Azula relationship? 

  In other words, does the abuse we see, or is heavily implied, enough to explain why Azula was utterly loyal to Ozai to the point she would gleefully risk her life for him while he sat in a bunk, despite Azula being utterly pragmatic in the other aspects of her life? 

  Does it truly explain why Azula utterly broke after he left to burn the Earth Kingdom despite being made Fire Lord and becoming the presumptive heir to the Phoenix throne?

  Moreover, where did Azula learn to flirt and/or why does she come off as sexually charged with nearly everyone she encounters (ex. Ty Lee, Sokka, Zuko) when it is canon that she has no life experience outside of being a soldier or a princess in court?

  Other people have come up with headcanons and theories involving, among other things, historical context and meta-textual evidence to explain the questions that I brought up, but what if there was a more sinister answer to all of them?

  What if Ozula was a thing?

  Yes, I know, there is very little evidence or subtext to support this but I think that if it did occur in canon, it would not only explain a lot about Azula’s character and/or issues, but also shed some much needed light on the Ozai-Azula relationship and even Ozai himself. Especially since, despite all the extended universe material we have gotten in the decade plus since ATLA the show ended, we still don’t know that much about their relationship, or Ozai himself.

  So, what is my personal take on how a canon version of Ozula? 

  I think that Ozai sexually abused Azula in part to replace Ursa once he “had” to banish Ursa and also in part to prepare her to produce super powerful heirs like herself in addition to using as a tool to keep her under his thumb by making her more attached to him than before he started coming on to her.

  In regards to the first reason, Azula is a dead ringer for Ursa and most people would agree Ursa is one of the attractive women in the ATLA-verse. Thus, considering Ozai’s canonical entitlement issues, it must have been hard to no longer rape have sex with Ursa...that is unless he copulates with Ursa’s mini-me. 

  This ties into the second reason, which is the desire to produce more superpowered heirs. 

  Thanks to The Search, we know that Ozai married Ursa in order to fulfill a prophecy that said would have produced exceptionally powerful benders. And that prophecy was mostly proven right since Azula is the GOAT Firebender as of current canon and Zuko has surpassed, or is close to surpassing, his father while still in his late teens or very early twenties.   

  For most people, being the father to such prodigies would make them content in life, proud that they could call themselves father to such talented people. 

  But Ozai isn’t like most people for, as Ursa aptly put it, Ozai is a small man trying to appear bigger than he is, which is obviously proven by Ozai’s ambitions and desires over the years.

  It was not enough that he was a prince of the most powerful nation in the world, so he must become Fire Lord at all costs. And once he achieves that by ripping his family apart and traumatizing the remaining members was enough that he was Firelord? 

  No! He must become the Phoenix King and build his new empire on the ashes of The Earth Kingdom despite already having it under his rule. 

  And it was not enough that he had a cult of personality, for Ozai commissioned larger than life statues with his package being accentuated to the point of absurdity. 

  So is it crazy to believe that he believes that not only is he entitled to the most beautiful woman he knows of (and if he can’t have her then he’ll have the closest thing to her even if it is his own daughter) but the most powerful heirs he could possibly have? Especially considering Ozai is a narcissist who made Azula his golden child because of his daddy issues caused by being the unfavored son of Azulon. 

  In other words, would it have been out of character for Ozai to fuck "himself" aka the person he thinks he would have been if Azulon recognized his “superiority” over Iroh? Especially when he can make more prodigies like himself Azula?

  And in regards to the third reason, did you see how needy Azula was in regards to Ozai when they had their short little talk before Ozai crowned him as the Phoenix King?

  I think Ozai, more than anyone, realized that Azula would soon quickly surpass everyone who was not a fully realized Avatar and wanted to ensure that Azula wouldn’t do the pragmatic thing and off him once she realized that she didn’t need daddy anymore. Especially after he offered his own father and betrayed his brother to take the throne. 

  For if he was paranoid enough to banish Ursa for her ability to make that OP poison, what makes you think he never had similar paranoid thoughts about either of his children? Especially Azula considering how strongly she takes after him and how he has been molding her in his image and ideologies ever since it was apparent she was a prodigy?

  So by sleeping with her, and therefore bonding with her, he would ensure that Azula would have no motive to ever overthrow him. 

  And how would this work in practice? 

  The same way he praised her for her firebending and ruthlessness. He would likely tell that he needed her; that she was a much better (pseudo) Fire Lady than Ursa could ever be (the old nick site said Azula was renowned in court and it is plausible that she did the duties that Ursa would have done as Fire Lady); that it was one more thing that Zuko could never do better than Azula and more proof that she deserved to be his perfect tool by his side; etc.

  And for the most part I think that Azula “responded” really well to Ozai’s false praise by further latching on to him, convinced more than ever that Ozai does love her and would never leave her. Especially since Ursa is gone, Iroh and Zuko are both gone at this point due to Zuko’s banishment, and Mai and Ty Lee are also already gone, or going to leave soon, leaving Azula with only Ozai as the only family and/or friend who hasn’t “abandoned” her.

  Ok, so I know what you guys are going to ask next; “cool theory but how does it explain anything other than your sick fetish?”

  Well, I think canon Ozula would explain a lot of things about Azula’s and Ozai’s behavior that really isn’t explained by canon or is, currently, only lightly implied. 

  For example, why did Ozai never remarry or produce more heirs in the five years he ruled despite putting his real heir, Azula, in constant mortal danger and spending most of that time either disowning Zuko or hunting him down as a traitor? Especially considering that he was only able to ascend since his brother was a dumbass and only had one kid himself? Not to mention the fact that Ozai is likely has a very high sex drive (have you seen his body?) yet we never see any concubines in the palace.

  Well because he wanted to produce heirs with Azula and so waited until she was of age to marry her and then have his new heirs.  

  Why did Azula collapsed after being told to say behind despite getting the title she always desired, Ozai having a logical reason to leave her behind (people would try to invade the Fire Nation..which is what happened with Zuko and Katara), and Azula eventually getting to inherit the Phoenix Empire? 

  Well, Ozai leaving her behind shows that Ozai thinks all Azula is worth after her numerous failures is producing heirs, making Azula realize that his bedroom talk was all lies and that he never loved her, only saw her as a tool. Moreover, all his words about her being a better Fire Lady than Ursa are lies since they both ended up in the same spot in life; only existing as Ozai’s (unwilling) broodmares. 

  Why does Azula hate and hallucinate Ursa despite Ursa being by all accounts a loving mother? And why does Azula avoid and hate reflective surfaces? 

  Well, because Azula’s subconscious wishes that Ursa was there to protect her from the abuse and also subconsciously reckoning with the long buried knowledge that part of the reason why Ozai came onto her is because she looks like a clone of her very beautiful mother. 

  Moreover, it would explain why Azula thinks Ursa thought of Azula as a monster when Ursa never said anything like that or gave any indications of seeing Azula like that. 

  For Azula would likely think, subconsciously, why would my mother leave me with a monster unless I am a monster?

  It would also explain, partially, why Azula goes from someone who is a bully, but loves & plays with her bro at 8, to someone who smiles when Zuko is burned at 13. 

  This is because Azula would think that all Zuko has to do to be in Ozai’s good graces is be a good firebender, a ruthless leader, and follow Ozai commands perfectly & without any hesitation. 

  Yet Zuko can’t even do any of that while she, in addition to previous requirements, has to give her mind, body, and soul to Ozai.

  It would also explain why Azula is so frantically loyal to Ozai (and even loves him) even when it is obvious to everyone that Ozai only cares for himself (he literally groomed her); why someone could be so fucked up and go insane at the age of 14 (victims of child sex abuse end up suffering from mental illness thanks to their trauma; and also explain why Azula has such sexual mannerisms (ex. her interaction with Sokka on DoBs) and voice acting while also being the only main female character to constantly wear makeup that is quite similar to her mother’s (she is trying to appear much older than she is while also trying to “replace” her mother for her father’s sake and maybe even for her own sake as well).

  Finally, it would contextualize that infamous bedroom scene, or more generally the subtle incest vibe between her and Zuko, by explaining her behavior towards him as attempt to unnerve him and/or an attempt to pass on her abuse to another person (which is very common).

  So the next thing you guys are likely going to say,” Ok then. Maybe Ozula might explain a lot of things but how would you explain the fact that Azula has never shown any indication that her father touched her like that? Moreover, what would be the benefit of introducing such a dark topic into the franchise.”

  Well to the first question, Azula would never bring it up because of some combo of: it is shameful as hell, she doesn't think it is wrong because it is all she knows, she still loves Ozai deep down, and/or thinks it her fault just like it was Zuko's fault for getting burned by Ozai and banished for talking out in the war council and/or not fighting back at the Agni Kai.

  And as to the second question, well there would be a lot of benefits. 

  For example, imagine the lore/story potential we could get out of a canon Ozula, as outlined in the headcanon down below?

One of the reasons why the places like Yu Duo became quickly filled with mixed families was due to a mix of sex slaves and families selling their daughters to their wealthy colonziers. 

  Also the Fire Nation had an extensive sex trackiffing network to service wealthy nobles and the Firelord; Ozai was in charge of this network and was able to blackmail people like Mai's father into supporting him in court and eventually his regime, especially in the early days when it looked like Iroh might challenge Ozai. 

  The reason why Zhao kept getting promotions despite his incompetence was because he was the best at capturing girls/women to keep the supply running high and Ozai had to keep him happy or else Zhao would spill the beans. 

  The reason why Ukano supported the NOS despite Zuko offering him a job and most likely becoming his father-in-law is because he was part of the network and it was a matter of time before Zuko found out and exposed him. 

  Azula helped procure women for Ozai during the 3 years Zuko/Iroh were away and this is part of the reason why Ty Lee and Mai distanced themselves from her (they thought they were next even though Azula would never do that to them) & why they followed her despite loathing her until someone they cared about was going to die (they thought Azula would punish them by making them into sex slaves though Azula “cares” about them too much to ever do that to them). 

  Azula was also abused by Ozai in those 3 years as raping women and girls weren't enough for him anymore and needed a new kink, incest, especially since Azula looks like her mom, who is one of the most attractive women in ATLA and Ursa was long gone.

And even disregarding the lore potential, there is the potential (positive) real world impact a seriously written Ozula could have.

  For it one of the best things about the Avatar franchise is its ability to deal with complex & sensitive topics such as child & spousal abuse (The Fire Nation Royal Family; Yakone’s family; Toph’s family), abusive/toxic friendships (The Dangerous Ladies), sexism (S1 Sokka & Pakku), PTSD (Korra), genocide (Airbender genocide & Southern Water Bender Genocide), propaganda/brainwashing (The Fire Nation schools & the Dai Li), and imperialism (Post-Sozin to the start of FL Zuko’s reign Fire Nation) with the respect they deserve while making it palpable to kids. 

  And considering the post-MeToo world we live in, what better dark and taboo topic to tackle than sexual abuse?

  Especially considering that most people aren’t really aware that most victims of sexual abuse where abused by someone close to them, that most people don’t seem to recognize when such grooming occurs or that it is a bad thing until it is too late (ex. Drake Bell, Kyle Massey, Drake (The Rapper), R. Kelly, etc.), and most victims don’t react to their abuse the way most people think they should (ex. Fight back or tell others). 

  Thus, couldn’t Ozula be used to educate people on the signs of such grooming and/or abuse and how to properly help such victims?

  I also think that seeing Azula overcome the effects of a canon Ozula could also provide healing for someone who played a pivotal role in bringing Azula to life: Grey DeLise.

  It was a shock for me to find out, but Grey DeLise has repeatedly said that she got abused by people her mother let into their home and that her mother did nothing despite obviously knowing what was going on. 

  Considering that DeLise heavily projects onto Azula (including Azula’s relationship with Ursa), has a history of sexualizing Azula (she explicitly said she voiced the bedroom scene with Zucest in mind), and went to really dark place to record Azula’s breakdown, is it crazy to say that DeLise had Ozula as her one of personal headcanons and that it affected her Azula performance?

  That is why, in combination with everything else I have said, I think Ozula has the potential to have a real impact how sexual abuse victims are treated and viewed.

  Imagine Ozai plotting to remove Ursa, Azulon, Iroh, and Zuko from the palace so he could "play" with Azula unimpeded after almost being caught several different times while also taking things to the next “level”? 

  Imagine the goading of Azulon/Ursa's banishment and Zuko's burning/banishment all part of this plot?

  Imagine Azula making inappropriate jokes about fathers breaking in their daughters to Mai & Ty Lee, causing them to be unnerved while Azula wonders what was wrong with her apt description of father-daughter relationships?

  Imagine Ozai spending the next three years molding Azula to not only be his perfect pet weapon but also his future consort once she is of age.?

  Imagine his anger when Azula comes home with her childhood friends and Zuko, cutting down on their alone time?

  Imagine his horror when he finds out that Azula non-ironically enjoys her time with them more than him despite the fact Ozai had groomed her from a young age to only love him? 

  Imagine his happiness when Zuko leaves and Mai and Ty Lee are later jailed, allowing him unlimited time with Azula again, despite the hardships Azula’s lapses in judgment regarding her friends & brother. Not to mention Ozai thinking that he once again gets to be the sole attention of Azula's affections? 

  Imagine Ozai finding out Azula non-ironically misses her brother and friends and so he leaves her behind during Sozin's Comet as punishment for her conflicted emotions & past failures?

  Imagine Ozai defeated coming home to see Azula chained, physically and mentally broken, screaming for her bitch of a mother. Only then realizing, for a fleeting moment, the damage he did to his daughter, only to go back to feeling rage at her humiliating loss & even more humiliating loss of sanity?

  Imagine Ozai patiently waiting to be reunited with his pet heir and once they meet in his jail cell, convincing Azula that they can be together again if Azula can get a hold of that accursed letter and kill Ursa, the only person who could possibly refute it?

  Imagine Ozai hearing that Azula failed in her mission due to being unable to kill her mother despite having Ursa literally in her hands, marking the first time Azula ever disobeyed him? Moreover, imagine his rage once he hears how she disowned him and basically dismantled from within an organization trying to reinstate him on the throne?

  Imagine Ozai confronting Ursa, Iroh, and Zuko once they find out about his abuse of Azula, thinking he has once again found a way to manipulate them? Only to find out that they are through with him for good and that they will help Azula heal from his abuse.

  Imagine Azula finally going through a healing arc, where with the help of well-trained healers and her mother (who she bonds with over both being victims of Ozai), she learns that what Ozai did to her was wrong, how healthy relationships actually work, & how her abuse never justified her abuse of others?

  Imagine Azula then undergoing an atonement arc, where, among other things, she becomes a leading advocate for mental health issues and sexual abuse victims, eventually working with Zuko & Aang to to create shelters & a proto-CPS in addition to radically changing the Fire Nations views on sex & consent?

  Imagine Azula eventually finding a loving partner and engaging in a mutually loving relationship, eventually having her own child who she raises in the exact opposite fashion that Ozai raised her while also being a loving aunt to Izumi?

  Imagine Ozai thinking that Azula will one day return to him, thinking that he has irreversibly molded her to need him the same way a baby needs its pacifier. Only for him to die never being visited by Azula again, who has long stopped caring for Ozai and hasn’t spared him a thought for a long time & will never do so again?

  Therefore, in sum, Ozula has the potential to do to victims of sexual abuse what the depiction of the Ozai-Zuko relationship, and Zuko eventually realizing his father is abusive & disowning, did for victims of abuse while also maybe giving DeLise some form of catharsis.

Thus, in the long list of bad things Ozai did (abuse his wife/son/daughter, kill his father/ruler, illegally urusp his bro, attempt a genocide of a continent, attempt to kill a 12 year old, turn Azula into a child solider/general, etc.) is molesting Azula the worst thing he could have done? 

  Or I am crazy with a need to go to a therapist for my many unresolved issues?

More Notes:

https://youtu.be/UjLzX1xPW1U?t=316

Grey: they're like 'why are you sexualizing everything?" because i do that in my whole life, my whole life is sexualized Olivia: same. that’s why Grey and I get along Grey: we've... got... abusive childhoods Olivia: uhhh Grey: uh... well I do Olivia: I don't, I just like sex! Grey: depending on who i'm doing it with... then yeah. Olivia: visibly uncomfortable Grey: I've not liked it a lot as much as I've liked it. Olivia: 0_0 Brad is like what... the hell.. is happening

Grey also talks about her abuse in an interview with Mental Illness Happy Hour where she details how her mother abandoned her to people she knew were raping her. And Grey has repeated her story in multiple interviews over the years.

----

Looooong-ass post ahead! You're not crazy, and there is subtext for Ozula... just like there is for Maizula, something I actually like but that I personally believe didn't happen - and if anyone reading this has not yet seen my first answer to why I don't think Ozai sexually abused Azula, I recommend you do so: https://hello-nichya-here.tumblr.com/post/650918965929000960/trigger-warning-i-know-you-talk-a-lot-about-how

While I see the merit of any good story, and I have read good stories that interpret Ozai and Azula's relationship as having involved sexual assault at some point, it is far more likely that in the actual canon (be it just in the show or also taking into account the comics) that simply neved happened, and I'll explain why.

About Ozai never remarrying

It would be very strange for Ozai to never try to have more heirs, and constantly endanger the ones he does have... until we remember that the only noble family in Avatar that has more than two kids is Ty Lee's, and that there are people like Kyoshi who literally over two centuries old when she died. Avatar is a very mature kid's show, but it is still a kid's show, with characters who control the elements and don't get a single scratch on them in situations that would severely injure or kill a normal human being, and the writers likely didn't want to add more characters to an already complicated, political plot like the Fire Nation Royal Family - which is why Iroh never remarried, Azulon's wife was already dead, there were no Lu Ten flashbacks, etc. If they went to such lengths to avoid creating too many characters, it makes sense that Zuko and Azula have no step-mother and no half-siblings in the show. Furthermore, the show clearly wanted to push Azula and Zuko's rivalry - adding another sibling would force their attention (and ours) to shift to said sibling, which is why Kiyi only was created in the comics that were focusing on the royal family, after Zuko became Fire Lord, and even then she is Ursa's daughter but not Ozai's, meaning Azula is still the only real "rival" Zuko has.

Ozai's supposed obsession with Ursa

Despite the radical change in the story of their marriage, I'd say that Ozai was NOT obsessed with Ursa, be it in the show where she consented to marry him, or in the comics where she kidnapped and raped. Princes were expected to marry and have heirs, and the war meant they'd need to have powerful heirs. He married Ursa (against her will or otherwise depending on the version of the story), had two kids with her (the standard in their universe), and encouraged said kids to be ruthless, punishing them when didn't meet his expectations (the Agni Kai and Zuko's banishment were cruel, but they were the type of behavior the Fire Nation rewarded). We need to remember that Ozai's only real problem with the hierarchy and expectations of his nation was when he had to see his brother be Fire Lord instead of him, because Ozai's only real obsession was the crown.

Yet he didn't kill his father until Ursa came up with a plan to do it so she could save Zuko, didn't kill Iroh, smiled in disdain when Zuko said he would help the Avatar defeat him, and constantly endangered Zuko and Azula despite having no other heirs. That behavior might seem strange, until you realize Ozai did truly respect the autority of Fire Lord at one point, but after he managed to steal the crown, he felt like he won absolutely everything - and to prove that he became the Phoenix King, showing he was above even that. He didn't need Ursa, Azula, or any other woman to give strong heirs, because Azula was already filling that role. There is no evidence he was obsessed with Ursa because he only married her because it was the norm (same logic applies to the possible sexual abuse she suffered - she was supposed to give her husband heirs, so Ozai forcing himself on her could easily just be him doing what was expected of him), and then once she was no longer needed and he would actually be in a more favorable position if she disappeared he CHOSE to banish her - the law said he had to punish her for killing Azulon, but the law also said he shouldn't have let her kill his father in the first place. And in the comics he threated to kill both their kids if she came back. If he was obsessed with her, he would have used their kid's lives to force her to stay and never say a word about what happened to his father. But didn't do that, because he didn't want Ursa around.

Could he be obsessed with Azula herself instead of thinking of her as a replacement for Ursa?

I personally don't think so, mostly because of his actions towards both his kids and because of the intentions the writers had. During The Beach, Ozai sends Azula away for a little while with Zuko, Mai and Ty Lee. On the meeting before the eclipse, he had Zuko at his right hand. On their last scene together, Ozai looks annoyed that Azula is around, stabs her in the back, lies to her face, and then leaves her. Finally, when he is last seen on screen, he doesn't ask Zuko what happened to her, if she is in prison, if she lost her bending too, if she is dead... nothing.

Ozai's behavior towards Azula is much more similar to his treatment of Zuko than most people realize. He shuts them both down when try to be anything other useful weapons - be it when they are showing "weakness", failing on their missions, trying to betray him, or trying to be equals to him. His reaction to Zuko's "All I ever wanted was for you to love me" was basically the same he had to Azula's "I thought we were going to do this together/This was my idea/I deserve to be by your side/You can't treat me like Zuko". He instantly told them both to shut the fuck up. He has no affection for them - for Azula - be it a normal one or a twisted one. They might as well not exist when they're not winning him battles.

On top of all that, comics!Ozai full on said he'd kill Zuko and Azula if Ursa didn't stay away, and considering how little regard he showed to anyone and how easy it would be for him to find a new wife if he had to, it is very clear he meant it. And a plot-line that was originally going to happen in book 3 but was cut (likely due to there not being enough time to explore it) had Ozai planning an arranged marriage for Azula - if he wanted her for himself, why was he more than ready to give her away to some rando the second she was old enough to marry?

Intention of the writers VS Intention of the actors

Assuming Grey did want there to have, at the very least, subtext for Ozula, we still run into a different problem: her intention goes against what is presented in canon. With something like Zucest or Tyzula, it is easier to make it work despite the pairings not being canon - they are meant to be complicated, unhealthy dynamics in which the characters involved have both negative and positive feelings for each other. So you could say Zuko and Azula were attracted to each other AND were still rivals. You could say Azula was in love with Ty Lee, and the feeling was mutual, but Ty Lee still chose to save Mai at the boiling rock regardless because it was the right thing to do for her friend.

With Ozula, however, it'd lead to a Zutara-esque situation (again, assuming Grey really did want that subtext to exist, since she didn't specify if that was what she meant when she said she went into a dark place while acting Azula's scenes in the finale). Dante Basco, aka Zuko, is the capitain of the Zutara ship, so any scene between Zuko and Katara gets at least a bit of subtext (and Zutara actually had full on ship-bait moments)... but the show also made it clear that the characters were NOT interested in each other like that, and they both ended up with different people. That means Zutara has some base for it, but it is still NOT CANON. Ozula is on even less solid ground since the overwhelming majority of the text activelly goes against it - again, Ozai seemed uniterested in both his wife and his daugheter, and activelly tried to distance himself from them.

How Azula flirts VS how she acts around Ozai

If we assume all of Azula's behaviors towards people like Zuko and Sokka was indeed intentional, we need to ask ourselves: was it really flirting or an attempt to unnerve them?

With that assumption in mind, I mostly see her actions towards Sokka as having been based on a display of power instead of flirting, but I can understand if people disagree. I fully believe she was attracted to Zuko and wanted both to intimidate him and flirt with him, and even discussed it at length on the link bellow (and offered another possible explanation of why she might not have been interested in Sokka after all) https://hello-nichya-here.tumblr.com/post/654197363889635328/zucest-is-it-really-flirting

When we take that behavior into account, regardless of motivation, and then compare it to her actually trying to flirt with Chan, we see that Azula has different styles of flirting, both of which are based on warpped perceptions of how normal interactions work - one having a predator/prey vibe with open ridicule, and the other with awkward/false flattery that is accidentally insulting and/or scary.

However, if we look at how she acts with Ozai, we see that she acts like a completely different person. She is very respectful and very distant - sort of how servants and guards act around her. That shows that despite her love for her father being actual canon (unlike any attraction she possibly felt for any character) their relationship is VERY formal. Azula doesn't take any liberties with her father, making it very unlikely that she learned her more "inapropriate" behaviors from him.

Azula's trauma

Azula was neglected by her mother and turned into a child soldier by her father. In Zuko Alone, we see Ursa spending a lot of time with Zuko but not with Azula, harshly reprimanding her without trying to understand her motives (like when she asked Zuko why he hurt the turtle-ducks), and even asking "What is wrong with that child?". Add in the over the top neglect she faced in the comics, the obvious guilt Azula was starting to feel for her actions in book 3, as well as the fact that a parent suddenly leaving like Ursa did can severely affect their child's mental health (which was likely to have been fragile in the first place considering Azula's more distressing behavior as a kid, as well as the psychological torment and hallucinations she dealt with in the finale) it makes perfect sense for Azula to believe her mother saw her as monster. Her claim that their mother liked Zuko more and her reaction to Mai's "I love Zuko more than I fear you" shows that her problems with her mother come believing she was not loved while her brother was - could she have also wanted Ursa to be there to protect her from sexual abuse? Sure. She could have simply wanted her mother to procted her from literally anything, or just be by her side and be proud of her.

This trauma also explains her freaking out as Ozai left her in the finale. She had recently lost Zuko, Ty Lee and Mai - the later of the three having accidentally touched an old, open wound of hers. Ozai was all she had left, and he turned his back on her after all she did for him. That was the last straw, and finally broke. You can add sexual assault or literally any kind of abuse to the story to explore a new theme/possibility, but it not existing in canon is not a plot-hole because the story works perfectly without it.

Imagine...

"Imagine Ozai killed Azulon and banished Ursa and Zuko so he could have Azula to himself, abused her, and then was mad when she brought Zuko home, with Mai and Ty Lee coming along"

I can imagine it. What I cannot is remember it. It can be a good, important, cathartic story, but is not the story we saw in the show. In the show we saw Ursa planning Azulon's death, not Ozai. We saw how his abuse was 99% purely psychological. We saw Ozai banish Zuko years after he supposedly got rid of the other two impediments of his abuse to Azula. We saw him not giving a damn about Mai and Ty Lee being around, welcoming Zuko home and rewarding him for "killing the Avatar", and then making Azula leave with them. And above all, we saw him shut Azula down the second she tried to have any kind of relationship with him that involved being anything more than a killing-machine.

Ozula can be an interesting plot, but said plot exists solely in theory and fanfics, not in the actual canon.

[smol-and-trashy]

Botched Rescue (BnHA vore fic) 5/5

A/N: Honestly, I only posted this because I hate leaving fics unfinished, so now I can finally say, I finished a fic! I’ll probably work on the prey!Dimi fic in the next couple of weeks, so be on the look-out for that! (and then I gotta finish my remaining WIPs... this is why i don’t do multi-chapter stuff, I lose interest way too fast ~sobs~) tw for vomit. 

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Shit shit shit. Hawks' brain immediately went to worst-case scenario. He shoved his fingers back in his throat, gagging and dry heaving, but this time nothing came out. Brown flecked eyes shot open; this couldn't be happening. Okay, calm down, gotta go to plan B: find an emetic. He straightened up and ran to the bathroom. Rummaging through his cabinets, sharp eyes scanning various medications and bottles until he finally laid eyes on what he was looking for, bingo! 

He unscrewed the cap and didn't even bother to correctly measure the medication as he gulped down the syrup until his stomach began to toss and turn. Grabbing hold of the bowl once again, his stomach twisted, and almost automatically, he thew up. Hawks scanned the vomit-covered bowl for any signs of anything living and finally made contact with three multi-color heads of hair. Letting out a sigh he didn't know he was holding, he fishes them out of the bowl, one-by-one. They're limp and barely unconscious, but he can feel their breaths to know that they're alive. Coughing, the green-haired boy, Midoriya, Hawks reminds himself, stumbles a bit before gazing up at the blond and freezes. Never had he seen someone's life deflate from their body so quickly, and if he weren't the one causing the distress, he'd find it a touch amusing. The kids were staring wide-eyed at him as if he were some kind of monster; he didn't care. Right now, relief swept over him, they were alive, and that was the only thing that mattered right now. "Let's get you guys cleaned up." he murmurs, throat raw and scratchy as he gets up to run a clean bowl under water. The students in his free hand stay dead-still; even the loud one wasn't making a single move. Had he scarred them this much? If he was honest with himself, this wasn't the most preferable of outcomes, but he could work with it. He had to. He brings the water-filled bowl back into the bathroom and brings the kids to the lukewarm water. The water was relatively shallow, and he trusted them enough to bathe themselves without drowning. The boys stayed limp in the bowl for a solid minute, shell-shocked over what they just went through, before slowly scrubbing the gunk off their clothes and hair. They looked so stiff, only going through the motions of what was necessary before finally stopping once they deemed themselves 'clean.' Hawks felt a pang of guilt in his chest as he watched, knowing that he'd fucked up. Even though all of this was for the greater good, he had just traumatized three teenagers for the betterment of hero society. Was all of this really worth it? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Izuku stared way up at the giant, fear overwhelming him. Why would Hawks let them out? To toy with them further? His heart thumped heavily in his chest while the winged man loomed over them. To put it simply, the hero looked terrible. Strands of blond hair clung to Hawks' sweaty forehead while he had heavy bags under his triangular ducts. A hand hovered over them before trunk-sized fingers seemed to pause before wrapping themselves around Bakugou; the fiery teen squirmed in Hawks' grasp, yelling obscurities at the man holding him while being moved away from the bowl. Hawks slumped down on the wall, pushing his hair back, and gazed up at the blank ceiling. "Haah, thank god you guys are alive. Thought I miscalculated or something!" he tiredly laughed. "Put me down! You reek!" Bakugou wriggled in the man's grasp, biting and kicking at the fingers enclosed on him. The winged pro hero looked down, yet Bakugou remained undaunted by those sharp eyes, he had no idea what the hero was thinking, but if he was planning on eating them again, he's got another thing coming. Instead of raising him back into the damp maw, nimble fingers worked at the quirk suppressor bracelet on his leg, prying it open with just his thumb and index finger, until a small pop was heard, and they snapped off. "There ya go!" Bakugou stared at the man, for the first time since this ordeal, he was entirely dumbstruck. The birdbrain actually helped him? He couldn't believe it. Before he knew it, he was carefully dropped down into the bowl, and Hawks did the same to Deku and Icy-Hot, their bracelets snapping off with relative ease. Bakugou silently watched from afar, confident that the same thought was nesting in the other students' heads: What the hell? xxxxxxxxxxx There wasn't much discourse between Hawks and the students. Guilt gnawed in his gut; he knew that he did the right thing, but was that really enough? Going by the Midoriya's instinctive shudders with each inflicting touch, he had his answer. No, this is what I trained to do, what I'm supposed to do. Keep civilians and provisional heroes safe, I did my job, completed the mission—yet why do I feel so… hollow? Hawks swallowed down these feelings and moved on, scooping the students and softly pocketing them in the largest bag he could find. He had to focus on getting them back to regular size; that was his primary goal, that had been his goal from the first time he saw them in the Liberation Front's base. Pushing his thoughts to the back of his mind, he left his apartment and took off to the Commission's headquarters, taking in warm breeze rafting through messy blond tufts, trying to fly as smoothly as possible, careful not to jostle the U.A. students too much inside the bag. He made a landing in front of the main building, and after punching in his security card, he barged into the President of Public Safety Commission's office, "Got the students. Do you have the re-sizing villain?" The President narrowed her eyes, "Next time knock, Hawks," she said cooly, before sighing, "Of course, he's in the detainment room. Come with me." Hawks whistled, "Yes, ma'am!" and held the bag a bit closer; he wasn't sure what kind of man the self-proclaimed 'Size Maestro' was, but going by his villain name, his expectations were already low. He was promptly lead into an elevator and then down a long hallway, finally stopping at a room with a brick-headed man staring dully at his cuffs. There he was. The Commission President shoots Hawks a pointed look that easily told him, you're just here to interrogate him and get the kids back to normal, you got that? Hawks shot her an easygoing grin back and turned his attention back to the man; this was going to be a cinch. He opened the door and swiftly brought the students out of the satchel. The slight widening of the man's eyes in alarm was all he needed to know, but still, he persevered with the questioning. "Do you recognize these kids?" he asked, pulling up a chair, so he can be at eye-level with the man. "'Course not. Never seen them kids before in my life." Hawks quirked a brow, "Really? Well, let me just run a lil confirmation with them," he looked down at the students. "Was this the guy who shrunk you?" As expected, Midoriya and Shoto both nodded while he had to shield Bakugou with a free hand so that he wouldn't end up lunging his tiny body at the man. "Seems they recognize you, so how about we try this again," his eyes pierced into the man, pupils narrowing into slits, "do you recognize these kids?" After what felt like minutes of sitting in pure silence, the man swallowed, and finally broke. "Fine! I was the one who shrunk the brats! But only under the orders of the Liberation, they tells me that I had to, that it brought us a step closer to the Liberation of quirks," his eyes widened at this slip, and he quickly put a hand over his mouth before squinting at Hawks. "Wait, aren't ya…" Seeing the gears turn in the other man's head, the hero wasted no time; with a key in one hand, he unlocked the villain's handcuffs before pressing a sharp feather under the man's chin. "Turn them back, and then you and I will talk." Nodding, the Size Maestro prodded the students, and one-by-one, they quickly grew back to their original sizes. He looked up at Hawks, expectingly, "So you are a dirty spy that thinks he can—-" he wasn't able to finish his sentence before Hawks knocked him out with a feather blade and locked his cuffs back on. "There we go," he states, satisfied as he turns his attention back to the heroes-in-training, they were unconscious in the interrogation room, exhausted from the re-growth process, but with the aid of a few Commission employees, he brought them back into the Commission President's office. "So, what do you wanna tell their teacher and Endeavor?" The President's lips straightened in a pale line, "Must they know the truth, Hawks?" The hero shrugged, "Could just say they got captured by the League?" Her grim expression softened, pleased with his response, "Good. It would put hero society in turmoil if they were to find out about your mission and more about the Liberation Front than what has already been disclosed. For now, this ordeal will be between us." He smirked, about to retort back, but a buzzing on his headset shifted his attention, pausing for a second, he listened. Armed robbery in Kurume, some kind of electrical quirk. He chewed on the inside of his cheek, not really wanting to leave the kids until they were fully conscious so he could have more time to explain himself properly, but from the frantic squawks of his sidekick, it seemed urgent. His expression shifted, and he turned his attention back to the President. "Duty calls, tell the kids I'm really sorry about everything." She nodded, and giving one last look a the students, he closed the door. His expression darkening slightly as he left the building, he was going to have to cook up an alibi on his way back to Fukuoka for the Liberation Front. xxxxxxxx Deku shifted in his sleep, finding himself in an awful nightmare of being captured by the League and ending up getting eaten and digested by Hawks. His eyes fly open, and he finds himself in a too-bright room, with Bakugou and Todoroki still passed out. Memories flood his head, that awful dream was his reality, yet--why was he alive? He vaguely remembered Hawks releasing them, his words remained fuzzy in the green haired teen’s mind as he tried shifting through recent memories. Sighing, Deku shifts his head to the side, finally noticing the Head of Safety Commission standing over him with her hands behind her back, but that wasn't what surprised him the most, no, it was that he was back to normal again. He… he really did save us. "H-Hawks!" he turns to thank the winged pro, but he was nowhere to be found. Deku sighed; the man really was too fast for his own good.

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Boku no Hero Academia - Safe In My Arms

I apparently only wrote two drabbles for my Patreon in 2020, but given the state of the world at the time, I hope I’m forgiven for that. A new year is here, however, and that means last year’s writing can now be seen by all of you! If you want to see more stories like this before next year, then consider pledging to my Patreon!

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia

Characters: Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Shinsou Hitoshi

Rating: Teen Audiences

Summary:  Present Mic runs one of the biggest radio shows in Japan and it's common knowledge that his phone is firmly turned off during broadcasts -- except for the numbers he allows through.  When one of those numbers calling is a familiar student, Hizashi knows that his night is about to get a lot more serious.

Word Count: 2,239

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“Goood evening my dear listeners! Welcome to another show of Put Your Hands Up Radio! here with your wild and favorite pro hero Present Mic as your host! Tonight, for those of you who remember our last show, we’re talking all about Quirks! Rare quirks, weird quirks, creepy quirks, villain quirks, hero quirks and everything in between! 

“So grab those phones, get our number ready to go, and call in with questions, stories, and your wildest quirk-related memories. And remember, we here at Put Your Hands Up Radio! are not responsible for any slapping, hitting, punching, kicking, and-or screaming that happens if you rat someone out on live air. Choose your victims wisely, dear listeners, and remember that this show broadcasts to all of Japan. 

“First, though, we’re gonna start things off like we always do by rocking and rolling! Keep those hands of yours up and those cheers wild as we start the night off right! Here’s Telecaster Stripes by POLKADOT STINGRAY!” 

Yamada Hizashi, better known as the Voice Hero Present Mic, couldn’t stop his grin as he flicked the right switches in order, killing his mic and switching on the first song of the night all without even a second of dead air. The music filled his headphones and studio in a heartbeat, Hizashi feeling something in him relax as he was right where he belonged — well. As he was in one of the places where he belonged. 

Looking back to where his sound engineer was keeping everything in order in the booth, Hizashi grinned and slipped his headphones off, rolling his chair over to tap on the glass. The unamused look he was given was wonderful, truly, “C’mon, Suki-chan, it’s another beautiful night and we get to stay up through all of it and make as much noise as we want!”

Takada Suki, his first radio intern turned sound engineer turned unofficial manager of the station flicked the switch that would allow him to hear her. “Aizawa-san said to take your medicine after your introduction.” Before Hizashi could lie and say he forgot it, Suki was holding up a familiar, hated bottle. “He dropped it off when he, unfortunately, dropped you off.”

“Hmph,” Hizashi grumbled, rolling over to open the door that led into her side of the booth and catching the bottle of pills and water she then threw at him. “Remember when you were still starstruck and feared me? Can’t we go back to that?”

“I wasn’t starstruck, I was horrified that my boss was someone who was barely out of school. I was also afraid we’d go under and I wouldn’t get my credits for class.” Suki was smiling anyways, Hizashi snorting as he took his stupid medicine and then rolled back into his side of the booth, song starting to come to an end.

Ready to put himself back on air, Hizashi froze as he felt his phone buzzing inside his pocket and that… wasn’t good. Hizashi always muted his phone during his shows and only a few calls could even get through — and those that could call would know better than to call during a live show unless… 

Hizashi raised his hand, looking at Suki and waiting until her attention snapped towards him, “Possible emergency. Take over and play the first set list and say we’re sorting through the stories sent by email to start with.” 

“Yessir!” Jerking off the headphones he had only just put on, Hizashi stood up and dragged out his phone and felt his heart stutter at seeing the caller ID of Shinsou Hitoshi. “Welcome back to Put Your Hands Up! radio and, yes, you might have noticed I’m not your wild and carefree Present Mic, but that’s okay because we’re gonna keep the party going until he gets back! Come on, listeners, I wanna be able to hear your rocking all the way from here! We’re kicking things off with-”

Hizashi didn’t waste a heartbeat in answering, immediately heading for the door to get some silence, knowing the show was in good hands with Suki. “‘Toshi? Hey, what’s up, kiddo? Is something wrong?” 

Shinsou Hitoshi had been training with Shouta for almost half a year to get into the hero course and to say the two were stupidly fond of the kid would be putting it lightly. The fact that they were starting to talk to his caseworker about possibly being put into a different foster home, well, Hitoshi didn’t need to know that part quite yet. It was a surprise, after all.

The problem was that Hitoshi never called. He texted, sent videos, sent photos of stray cats, and used emojis more than Hizashi ever did, but he didn’t call. The fact he was calling now during the middle of his show? It couldn’t be anything good. The problem, though, was that Hitoshi wasn’t saying anything. All Hizashi could hear was soft breathing over the line before he had a short heart attack at having his phone buzz against his ear. 

“Hitoshi? Kiddo? Hey, are you there? Is everything alright?” Hizashi prayed to everything out there that it was just an accidental dial of his phone. “‘Toshi?” It took two more buzzes before Hizashi grit his teeth and checked his phone, ready to be annoyed but instead frowning at seeing incoming text messages from Hitoshi. 

Pulling them up, Hizashi frowned at the messages, a mess of typos that spoke of shaking hands and the message that Hitoshi was outside of the station in the right alleyway and he… didn’t know where else to go… 

Feeling his heart stutter to a stop for an eternity, Hizashi was running before he could even think the action through, bursting through the front doors of the radio station and ignoring anyone who tried to get him to slow down. It felt like too long before he was skidding around the corner to see Hitoshi curled up on the ground with his head tucked between his legs. The kid was holding on limply to his phone and Hitoshi could see tremors running through his shoulders.  

“‘Toshi? Hey, kiddo, it’s me, Hizashi.” Approaching slowly and careful to make noise so Hitoshi would know exactly where he was coming from, Hizashi knelt in front of him. A quick glance showed that there, thankfully, didn’t seem to be any broken bones. His clothing was crumpled and torn in some places, but nothing that screamed of an outright villain attack. There weren’t any blood trails either, so that at least meant he hadn’t suffered any blood loss. 

Hanging up his phone and shoving it away, Hizashi carefully and slowly rested a hand on Hitoshi’s shoulder, not surprised when he felt the teen tense up even more. It hadn’t taken a genius to see the kid’s past screamed of abuse. Leaving his hand there, Hizashi frowned as Hitoshi didn’t relax. If anything, he seemed to get even more tense, which was… 

They knew Hitoshi didn’t live in a good home. It was one of the reasons they were talking to his caseworker because Hizashi knew, and he was certain Shouta did too, that it had been a long time since the two had seen Hitoshi as just another student. Hizashi wasn’t surprised that, due to all of that, he felt ready to scream at something with how his nerves felt like they were being shredded. 

What he wasn’t prepared for, however, was his years and years of experience and battle instincts screaming at him that something was wrong. Hizashi had long ago learned to not doubt his instincts. 

“‘Toshi, you have to tell me what’s wrong,” Hizashi said quietly — quietly, but firmly. Whatever was going on was more than just a bad fight with his family or some neighborhood kids being pieces of shit. If it was the former, Hitoshi would have called Shouta after finding a safe place to hide away. Running all the way to the radio station and then calling Hizashi on air, however? That was a desperate scream for help. “You can sign it out, if you need to, but I need to know-” 

Few things in life made Hizashi speechless. As a talkative child, a hero who was known for his voice, and a man with a radio show, there was hardly a time, if ever, that Hizashi found himself rendered speechless. 

Seeing a child he was beginning to see as his own with a rusted muzzle locked around his face, well… That did it. 

Hizashi was, once again, barely aware he was even moving before he found himself pulling Hitoshi close to him, fumbling with the straps of the fucking muzzle with his phone dialing and on speaker beside him. Hizashi had already cut open at least two of his fingers by the rusted fucking metal by the time the call connected, Hizashi hearing the familiar voice of Shouta’s Hero Agency secretary, “Hello, this is-”

“This is Yamada Hizashi, known as Voice Hero Present Mic calling in for an emergency. Please contact Eraserhead and have him call me as quickly as possible.” 

The secretary, a former student of theirs who knew them both rather well, didn’t say a word before the call was ending, Hizashi swearing as he finally managed to break the straps, sliding the muzzle off of Hitoshi’s face before throwing it against the brick wall with as much force as he could throw into it. He made a mental note to go back and find it later so he could turn it into scrap metal. 

“Why.” The word was quiet. It was quiet, but it was harder and sharper than Shouta’s scarf could ever be. It wasn’t a question, though, and that knowledge alone had Hizashi wanting to just scream. “Why do you even care.”

They were bitter words. The words were soaked in years of pain and torment and Hizashi caught the barest glimpse of his kid’s face. Razor thin cuts lined his jaw and cheeks, blood welling up along all of them. Tears mixed in with the blood and it had to be so painful, but the look on Hitoshi’s face could only be called wrathful. Hizashi didn’t blame him. 

Sitting back for a moment, Hizashi stared at Hitoshi, a terrified kid who met his gaze without even flinching. There were a million things he could have said, but Hizashi knew that not a single word would get through. Hitoshi was as stubborn as Shouta, after all, but, that was good. That meant that while words might not work, actions would. 

Slowly, so slowly, Hizashi took Hitoshi’s hand. When the teen didn’t jerk away or try to fight or yell at him, Hizashi lifted the hand to his own cheek. He could see Hitoshi’s confusion and wariness, but Hizashi merely shifted the hand until fingertips brushed against old, faint scars that were a reflection of the ones in front of him. 

Hizashi could see the moment it hit, Hitoshi’s eyes growing wide as he pressed against the faded muzzle scars on Hizashi’s own face. It felt like an impossible task, but Hizashi finally managed a small, genuine smile.

“This may not explain why I care, but it might help to start explaining it,” Hizashi said softly, watching as Hitoshi’s shoulders shook. This time, it wasn’t in fear. “The muzzle… it was from your foster house, wasn’t it?” Because those people were not his family and Hizashi would never let Hitoshi call that place a home. 

Hitoshi, instead of verbally answering, only stared at him with wide, terrified eyes. He wasn’t denying it, and Hizashi knew well enough what that meant. “Oh, Hitoshi…” For a moment, Hizashi couldn’t help but let some of his own bitterness sneak in, “Voice quirks can be seen as pretty dangerous, huh?”

It wasn’t even a second before Hitoshi was in his lap and hanging onto him tightly, Hizashi returning the grip and tucking Hitoshi close. He had always planned on telling Hitoshi about his own childhood one day, but god if this wasn’t the worst way to do it. As far as he was concerned whoever wanted this kid would have to pry him out of his cold, dead hands. 

The sound of a familiar ringtone had Hizashi snatching his phone and answering without even looking at the ID, shoving the phone between his ear and shoulder as he tucked his kid closer, rubbing at Hitoshi’s back. “Hizashi? What’s wrong?” 

“Call Hitoshi’s caseworker as soon as your patrol ends,” Hizashi said quietly, giving a soft, peaceful hum of a tune as he felt Hitoshi’s breath start to hitch. “I have a feeling our request is going to be approved as soon as you do.” 

And he knew that wouldn’t be the end of it. He would have to tell Shouta exactly what had happened, he needed to find out exactly what had happened from Hitoshi, and he needed to get Hitoshi home where it would be nice and quiet and safe. There was definitely going to be all kinds of paperwork, and he would have to explain his absence from that night’s show, but… 

None of it seemed to really matter when he heard Hitoshi, breathing uneven and hands shaking, manage a whisper-soft, “Thank you.”

“Always,” Hizashi responded, closing his eyes for a moment. There would be work to do, but for now his son was safe in his arms. 

Hizashi was going to make sure that never change.

[descendantofthesparrow]

Multipart Commission - Harry Hook x reader - Prince Behind the Pirate - part 15 - revenge

*mild cursing*

=

….a secret marriage huh? You glared down at the written document defining the arranged marriage between you and Jordan.

Leah wanted the main wedding to be secret as to not attract the attention of your parents or anyone who knew about you and Harry.

Then she had sent you a detailed letter about how you and Jordan would start dating and within the next two years, do the grand wedding in front of everyone.

And the secret wedding was in two.days.

You were still in a depression over breaking the news to Harry, which was only last night.

You groaned and face planted in your arms, mentally cursing Leah to hell. You replayed Harry's screams in your head, begging for you to come back.

God, this was going to be hard, and you had to keep up the act of “happy perfect princess” when the secret wedding came along to not arise suspicion about it.

You jumped as your phone buzzed, picking it up and glaring down at the screen. -we will go dress shopping tomorrow, be ready by 3:30- you let out a small huff of frustration and turned off your phone, chucking it on your bed, causing it to bounce off the mattress and clatter on the floor.

“go-fu-AHH!” you screamed, standing from your desk and throwing your chair to the ground, kicking your standing mirror down, punching and shattering a photo of you and your grandmother. “I HATE YOU” you let out a guttural scream, grabbing the photo and chucking it out the window.

You sighed through your teeth, rubbing your face as you calmed down, “fuuuuuuuu” you groaned, turning and sitting on your bed “how am I going to do this” you whispered to yourself.

=

Audrey stomped through her parent's castle, death grip on her phone, if her parents admitted to knowing Leah's plan she would hesitate to rip them a new one. She slammed open their office door, causing the two adults to jump from their desks.

“Audrey whats?” her mother started, her eyes widening as Audrey shoved her phone in her face.

“did you know?! That grammie is forcing (y/n) to marry Jordan?!” Aorua stood and grabbed Audreys phone, looking over the texts.

“WHAT?” Phillip yelled, standing from his desk and walking over to the two girls, glaring at the phone “how dare she, she-what the- Aurora she- what about Harry?!” Phillip looked to Audrey, a horrified look on his face.

“grammie blackmailed her! She said if (y/n) didn’t marry Jordan she would never sign the document allowing more vks!” Aurora turned red, almost breaking Audreys phone in her grip.

“the bitch” she muttered, pressing Audreys phone into the teen's chest and pushing past her.

“Mom what are you-?” Audrey stuttered, running after her mom.

“im going to have a talk with King Ben, I want my mother taken off the council right now, her time has long been over” the usually sunny princess growled, her mother had held a grip on her kingdom of Auroia for long enough, now she would remove her grip on Auradon.

=

Luis brows rose as he stepped out of his limo to see Aurora, Phillip, and Audrey stomping up the steps of King Bens castle.

“my what is going on?” he asked aloud, Phillip turned to him, raising his brow.

“what are you doing here Luis?” he asked, waiting for the older man to catch up.

“Im here to tell the king about your mother in laws horrid plan, I should have told him as soon as I heard it but it is difficult to get an audience with him during such a busy time” Luis hummed, smiling as Phillip nodded along.

“same here, Audrey just showed us the texts (y/n) has received from Leah” Luis and Phillip quickly followed the pissed off Aurora who was swiftly making her way to Ben's office.

Aurora slammed his door open, the teen king jumped in fright, scrambling to catch the empty coffee he had tossed in the air in reaction. “A-Aurora?! What-“

“my mother has decided to go behind my back, AND YOURS, blackmailing my daughter to marry Ariels son in exchange for signing the new vks document, or else she would force my daughter to leave Harry and his friends on the isle to rot, and I demand you remove her from the council” Ben’s jaw dropped and he slammed the coffee cup on his desk.

“WHAT?! How long has this been going on?!” Ben gasped, walking around his desk and digging into a cabinet.

“almost two weeks” Luis sighed, rubbing his chin “there was a secret council meeting and almost all of them agreed with her plan, I tried to tell you sooner but you’ve been booked” Ben winced and bowed his head to Luis.

“im sorry about that, I wish I could have spoken to you sooner, thank you for telling me now though, I’ll be removing her from her seat. Oh, and Aurora?” the blonde princess rose her brow “will you take her place?” her jaw dropped slightly before she shook her head.

“(y/n) shou-“ Ben smiled and shrugged.

“as the ambassador of the isle, she already has a position on the council” he turned to Luis “If you could, please give me all the names of those who agreed to her plan, I want them removed immediately”

Luis smiled and nodded, going over to the cabinet and digging into the files, taking out the other rotten apples of the council.

Aurora hummed for a moment, thinking, before she smiled “Ben, if Im going to be one of the new council members, may I have the new vks document?” Ben grinned and nodded, running to his desk and quickly grabbing the document and a pen.

“here you go” Ben chirped, going back to removing the council members with a scribble of his own pen and a red-stained stamp.

Aurora motioned for Phillip to turn around, and he did, letting Aurora use his back as a writing table. She wrote her name with a flourish and smiled, setting the document and pen on Bens's desk.

Audrey stared at her grammies council document and the other rotten council members, her eyes narrowed and she looked up at Ben, who shivered and looked up at her, his eyes curious. “Aud-“

“We need to make them pay, they need to know what the kids on the isle go through” she snarled, making her parents look at her in shock.

Ben tilted his head at her, raising his brow “….only a few months ago you were saying Mal, Evie, Carlos, and Jay didn’t deserve to be here, what changed?” Aurora gasped at that, going to reprimand her when Phillip stopped her.

“my sister and her stories of the isle, I still don’t like Mal but she, nor any of the kids on the isle deserved what they went and are going through, my sister has been so sad without Harry because of my grandmother and the other idiots of the council, I want revenge for my sister” Audrey and Ben stared at each other, the fire in her eyes surprising him.

He smiled and nodded, “I think I know a way to do that, would you mind going to get fairy godmother? And tell her to get her wand, we have some council members to spell” Audrey gave a nasty grin and nodded, bolting out of Ben's office with her parents following close behind.

Aurora stopped, looking back at Ben, a smile on her face “thank you, Ben”

“thank you Aurora, (y/n) is my best friend, I can't have her happiness ripped from her” he smiled back, nodding at Luis and calling Lumiere to his office.

Ben stopped, humming to himself before taking his phone out and texting Audrey

-tell FG to spell my father as well, he needs to learn his own lesson about the isle-

-copy that >:)-

=

Leah hummed to herself as she ran her fingers through (y/n)s wedding gown, the modest dress was fit for a princess.

“soon I will have my hands on my own kingdom again” she muttered, a grin spreading on her face.

She stopped, a huge wave of dizziness overtaking her “oh my” she muttered, stumbling back to her bed and falling back into it, “wha?”

Her eyes drifted close and she fell into a nightmare.

=

Leah stumbled around the rotten smelling streets of the isle, eyes watering at the putrid stench of rotten food and…something else, she couldn't tell though.

She looked to her left, gasping in fear as she locked eyes with eh sunken ones of a tiny three-year-old, the child's cheeks thin and gaunt, her eyes drained of life, her body covered in blood and bruises, her ankles and hands dark and bloody.

“oh my-ah!” a large man bumped into her, clicking his tongue at her and whistling. Leah ran, tripping over loose stones and rusty nails. She tripped over a large fallen pillar, screaming as someone grabbed her.

= (yall can imagine the rest of the council and beasts tourture~…can be as graphic as you want~)=

Harry sighed, unable to move from his bed, his eyes hurt, unable to shed another but trying to. “Harry?” Umas muffled voice sounded from the other side of the door “Harry are you okay? You’ve been in your room for almost two days”

Harry sniffed, his throat was too sore to talk “Harry I’m coming in” Uma opened the door and gasped at Harry's curled up form on his messy bed “harry” she cooed, walking over and kneeling next to him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder “what-“

“(y/n)s bitch of a gra’ma is forcin’ her ta marry someon’ else ta get ‘er ta sign the document for us” he croaked, wincing as Uma shrieked in anger.

“WHAT! HOW CAN-AH!!?” she stood from beside his bed, walking around while ranting, waving her hands about wildly. “she can't fucking do that?! Its actually illegal she-WHAT!?!” Gil softly knocked on Harry's open door, a bright yet confused look on his face.

“um, there's some of Bens guard messenger dudes outside….along with Ben and Mal?” Uma looked to Harry confused and pushed past Gil, going to meet with the king and Lady of the court.

Harry sniffed and rubbed his cheek, groggily sitting up and looked at gil blankly “did they yell yeh what they wanted” he croaked, sighing as Gil shrugged.

“no, they just wanted to talk to uma-“ Gil jumped as uma leaped into the room, a huge grin on her face.

“pack your bags boys! We’re going to Auradon!” Harry's jaw dropped and he stood quickly, walking over to Uma and gripping her shoulders.

“did-“ Uma’s bright grin turned nasty and she chuckled.

“nope~ beasty boy fired most of the council, including (y/n)s grandma, and the new vk document has been signed! You! Are gonna go get your princess back!” Harry's heart sprung to life and he let out a bout of laughter, picking Uma up in a hug, spinning her around for a moment before setting her down and grabbing his duffle bag, starting to pack.

Uma giggled and pushed Gil's shoulder “come one, we need to go pack, the sooner Harry gets his girl the better” the two teen pirates ran out of Harry's room and to their own to pack.

=

You glared at the long-sleeved white dress hanging from your temporary rooms closet door.

….you were getting married in 10 hours.

You also hadn’t heard from Leah in a day, after she had texted you yesterday about the dress, and all the other crap.

Your phone buzzed and you groaned “speak of the devil” you muttered, hesitantly picking up your phone to look at the text.

-from Leah >:C-

-im sorry-

That…surprised you? Your furrowed your brows in confusion, what? She was sorry all of a sudden, well it didn’t matter, she was fucking ruining your life at the moment, and you couldn’t forgive her.

Your phone buzzed again.

You gasped and stood from your seat, squealing as you jumped around in joy

-from Jordan-

-WEDDINGS OFF!!!:D:D:D-

-YEEES- you texted back -what happened!!! How??!-

- i don’t even know,…i…did come out to them? They were completely supportive btw, so maybe that’s why?…. hey btw, whose the new blonde dude, hes cute-

-that’s amazing im so proud of you! And happy for you!!....what new blonde dude?-

Your phone buzzed again, but this time with a text from your sister.

-hey, ur at the Atlantic hotel right?-

You furrowed your brows and texted her back

-yeah? Why OH DID YOU HEAR?!-

-I KNOW!! :D but you need to come outside, im here to pick you up-

You nodded and messaged her back -okay- and rushed to grab your bags, sliding on your jacket and running out of the room. you didn’t bother to take the elevator, it would take to long.

You slammed open the stairwell doors and ran out the building, giggling as you spotted your sister. “Audrey!!” you screeched, dropping your bags and leaping into her arms “hi!”

“hi!” she screeched back, catching you and swaying you in her arms “ohhhh you have no idea what a crazy two days its been!”

“Are you kidding!?! I was supposed to get married in 10 hours!” you cackled, picking your bags up and tossing them into the back of her Cadillac and hopping in her passenger seat.

Audrey giggled and leaped into the driver's seat, putting her seat belt back on and driving towards the school “ooh I know, there's a surprise for you back at the dorms by the way”

You grinned and poked her shoulder “ohhh what is it~?”

“you gotta find out for yourself~” Audrey teased, pushing off your hand.

“Okay okay,” you sighed happily, letting your head fall back against the seat and looking up at the clear blue sky.

The day that was going to be your doom was saved.

What would make it even better was Harry.

But, that probably wouldn’t be for another couple months at best with your grandmother still on the council.

“oh by the way grammie was kicked off the council” you popped back up, staring wide-eyed at Audrey.

“what?!?! Wait does that-holy shit” you muttered, laughter bubbling beneath your words.

Audrey laughed with you, telling you about how mom and dad found out about Leah's plan and foiling it, telling Ariel and Eric that she had gone behind their backs and didn’t know about the arranged marriage.

They were pissed, immediately calling off the wedding and apologizing to your parents and Jordan.

About an hour later you arrived back at the dorms, you raised your brow at the limo out front, multiple bags being emptied from the trunk “Aud whats- HOLY FUCK” you screamed, unbuckling your seat belt and leaping out of the car, running towards the tall Scottish pirate “HARRY!” he looked up, a huge grin spreading across his face.

“(Y/N)!” he yelled, running towards you and catching you mid-air, spinning you around in his arms “my love holy shit I missed yeh” he sobbed in your ear, happy tears running down his face and soaking your top.

“Harry Harry Harry” you muttered over and over again, pulling back and peppering kissing all over his face, making him giggle.

“dawww” Audrey and Uma cooed, Audrey snapping a photo of the reunion. Harry shook off your kisses and grinned at you, yelping adorably as you pouted and grabbed his face, forcing more kisses on his nose and cheeks. “let.me.love.you” you kissed between each word, ignoring your parents and sister in the background, cooing and snapping photos of the two of you.

“lass, lass, love, (y/n)-ah~!” he squealed, setting you down and grabbing your hands and peeling them from his neck “love I’m ticklish please”

“you must be Harry” Harry perked up, straightening as he locked eyes with your dad.

“uh-aye, yes! Yes, sir tha’s me” he said nervously, blinking surprised as Phillip held out his hand.

“thank you for making my daughter happy and keeping her safe when she was on the isle with you” Harry smiled and took his hand, yelping as Phillip pulled him in for a hug and Aurora joined in, greeting Harry with a chirp.

“hello~ (y/n) has told us all about you!” she squealed, ruffling Harry's hair.

“uh really?” Harry murmured, peeking at you through the gap between Aurora's head and Phillip’s arm

You gave him a bright smile and walked over, pulling him from your parent's arms “lass-mmf!?” you pulled him down and pressed your lips to his, humming into it.

Harry's eyes fluttered closed, shoulders dropping and arms wrapping around your waist.

“Okay okay” Phillip chuckled, patting your shoulder “that’s enough, now why don’t we help these four move in”

You turned, gasping as you spotted Uma, Gil, and Dizzy standing at the entrance, Dizzy squealing, and bouncing around.

“Yeah!” you grinned, grabbing Harry's hand and pulling him into the dorm building, harry intertwining his fingers with yours.

You finally had your pirate prince back.

 -the end, thank you for reading! Also, told you it was a happy end~-

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Visiting Time

Shigadabi week day 4

AO3 Link

Summary: EXTRA! EXTRA! The villain Dabi has been captured! Affiliations with Hawks and Endeavour, the Number one hero!

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Captured / Mystery / Trust

"You want to what!?" Shigaraki shouts in disbelief at his second-in-command.

"Go to Tartarous," his idiotic partner repeats. "You said you are planning a prison-break, right? That you need someone you trust on the inside? Well, I'm that person, I'm volunteering," he is crazy, Tomura is sure.

"Why?" he scans him from head to toe.

"What? Don't you trust me? You think I'll double-cross you?" the raven mocks with a grin.

"No, but you usually have other intentions whenever you follow my plans," he tells him, but the other just shrugs. He doesn't say anything else, so Tomura knows he is going to have to drag it out of him. After a year together, he had learned to a lot about Dabi, especially what made him tick. "Whatever, I'm not sending you either way..." he shrugs and turns around, giving his back to him.

"Why the fuck not!?" Dabi argues.

"First and most important, the mission is a very physical one," he starts explaining. "It needs to look as if you put up a fight before you get caught, and then you have to survive prison. In your burnt ass state, you wouldn't last a day," Dabi smirks.

"But you are going to fix that," he reminds him. "With all the notes from the Doctor we recovered and that nice lab you got for Skeptic, you can fix my weak constitution. I know Toga is getting tested to go through the process, I just need to go before her, and I'll be ready in time," Tomura hates that he makes a good argument.

"I still wouldn't send you," he tells him again. "Even if you stop being a burnt corpse, you still are my second-in-command. Heroes know that, and so does the public. If you get caught, it would seem like the heroes are getting closer to stopping us, which is not the message we want to send," he explains and believes it's the end of the discussion, but Dabi's grin only widens.

"Oh, babe, if you send me, the hate for heroes is only going to grow," he comments and gets a confused look from his boss. Dabi, then leans closer and whispers his answer in the boss' ear.

Shigaraki can't help but gasp at the revelation. The last puzzle-piece, the truth about Dabi. It's so simple and so glaringly evident, he is a little ashamed he didn't notice it earlier. It makes so much sense. How could he have thought the fire wielder was mysterious at any point? It's so obvious. "Is that why you want to go?" Tomura asks the man once he leans away.

"Yeah, it's time for people to know the truth," the raven says, and his grin widens until the staples on his face are taut and tight.

Dabi is a match, Tomura realizes, and it's bound time to light it up and set everything ablaze.

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They are all together, watching the news when Dabi gets caught. Tomura, Toga, Spinner and Compress are all worrying. Even if this is a plan, it's a risky one. Many things can go wrong, and they might never see Dabi again. But Tomura weirdly trusts him. Dabi knows what he is doing, and from the first mission, he has brought him nothing but great results. He knew he had chosen well when he picked him as a second-in-command.

The league or what was left of it along with the leaders of the liberation army, were all in Skeptic's new lab to see it. The attack started simple. A blue fire, going off in a building near Endeavour's agency to make a threat and make sure they knew it was Dabi the one behind the attack. The building they choose was a communication centre and could be a possible target. Once the fire started, people began to get evacuated while Dabi made his way to the top of the building, Endeavour hot on his trail.

The whole thing was being televised with a helicopter, so they all got to see the moment Dabi was in the roof with his new hooded jacket and the moment Endeavour froze mid-attack when he took it off. There wasn't a lot of build-up to it. But the commentary from the reporter on the sky was serving their case amazingly.

"That- That is Dabi, right? The villain?" the man said as the camera focused on the new unscarred face of the villain. "Why does he look so much like Endeavour? That's not possible..."

The man narrating wasn't wrong though, Dabi was almost a carbon copy of his dad. Red hair, turquoise eyes, cold gaze, steady shoulders. After his surgery, it had been quite a fright, especially since Dabi lost his shit after seeing himself in the mirror. It had taken Spinner, Compress and him to knock him out while he was burning himself. The incident had postponed the mission for a few days, but it had been worth it. The look of Endeavour's face at seeing the son he tortured back had made it worth it.

"Can we get closer? The villain is saying something," the reporter says, and they can see them get close enough to catch what Dabi was saying.

"- you are not going to fight me? Or can you only do that when I was a weak fucking kid!?" Dabi is heard screaming, and then he lets out a giant torrent of blue, blazing fire. That seems to snap the hero out of his trance, and he defends himself, meeting Dabi's fire with his own. But it isn't enough. The surgery had made Dabi stronger, and soon enough, the hero is on his knees as his son towers over him. The villain, when he is close enough, kick the hero in the face, making him fall down. "Aren't you proud now!? I surpassed the number 1 hero! Isn't that what you wanted!?" Dabi keeps screaming at his father as he steps on him, the heat rising with every word.

Suddenly, Dabi's eyes widen, and he turns towards his back, releasing another torrent of fire. The camera follows his attack and then focuses on another hero who just entered the scene. Hawks, with two feathers out as swords, dodges the attack and tries to find an opening to save the older hero. Dabi keeps his foot atop his father as he also keeps an eye on the flying pest. "Well, isn't this a little reunion? The two highest-ranking heroes came to try to stop me! Don't I feel special?" the villain keeps monologuing, Dabi loved hearing himself talk. "How's it been Keigo? Did you kill anyone else? Who would think that the two most trusted individuals in the country are the two of you? A monster and murderer are the pillars of society, the saviours of tomorrow, the heroes everyone is looking up to!"

BANG!

The door to the roof is kicked open. But as Dabi is about to attack the newcomer, he stops.

In the entrance, is a panting teenager with split hair of two different colours. Him and Dabi lock eyes for a minute, before the teen speaks softly. "Please, nii-san..." the baby hero begs his brother. Dabi stares silently for a second, and for a while, they think he is going to attack. But he only sighs and raises his arms in surrender, stepping away from his father. Then, in an action that makes them stand up from their seat and hold their breath, Hawks attacks. He is going for the kill, and he would have gone through with it if it wasn't for Dabi baby brother. The hero-rookie, notices his intentions, steps in the way, creating a wall of ice in an instance. The league sighs in relief as they see their teammate get handcuffed and the tv programme go to a commercial break.

Part one of the mission had been successful. Now phase two started.

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A month after his arrest, Shigaraki contacted him again.

Once he was cuffed, Shoto took him back to the ground and inside a prisoner moving van. The entire way Hawks had been by his side, ready to leap at any moment, and his brother never left his side, not trusting Hawks for a second. The moment they were out of the building, cameras and flashes surrounded them. Every reporter from every piece of media was there, and they all wanted an answer. The police tried to keep them at bay, but the masses were unrelentless and only left a tiny hallway for the heroes to take him to the van.

He didn't say a word. It wasn't time yet.

Once he was in his cell in Tartarous, the questioning began. The detective Tomura warned him about, the lie detector one, questioned him for two weeks before giving up. Dabi made sure to only speaks in half-truths. Things like 'This is my plan, not the Leagues...', 'I have wanted revenge for years, is why I still stuck with the League, they are a means to end...' and 'He is my brother, you think I'm going to hurt him like my father did? I'm not a monster...' did the trick well enough.

After the interrogations, came the interviews. The fight with his father and Hawks, and the revelations it had brought had been the only thing people talked about. Investigations, debates, conspiracy theories were all focused on him and what he preached. The public was getting anxious for an answer and, to calm things down, an interview of half an hour was allowed. The commission must have believed the people would see him as just another psychopath and would go back to praising the heroes, but Dabi was smarter than that. He knew how to keep people interested, to be enigmatic and draw attention to himself. If he got the leader of the league captivated, he could do it with a bunch of nobodies.

The entire interview, he flirted and teased the reporter and gave nothing but half-answers. But for the last question, he dropped a bomb to make them want more. "You think I ran away from home? No, sweetheart, I died in my home. My father watched me burn and then left me for dead. I left to heal and returned to a family in mourning," he tells her from behind the glass.

"But- but Endeavour is the number one hero...?" she asks, trying to get the results the HPSC wanted.

"All heroes are full of crap, Sweetheart," Dabi winks at her. "Look at your so-called number 2, if you think I'm biased,"

"What do you mean? Hawks is a good person-" the reporter tries to argue back in favour of the winged hero.

"Don't you get tired of lying to yourself?" he mocks her. "Hawks tried to kill me when I surrendered. He killed Twice, someone who never killed anyone before, and an innocent man to prove himself to the league..."

"What- what do you mean prove himself to the League?" she stutters, clearly afraid of the answer.

"He was a double-agent," he tells her. "Keigo joined us and then stabbed us in the back, like all heroes end doing sooner or later,"

"Keigo, huh? It sounds like you were close..." she tries to lead the conversation away from dangerous territory.

"You don't call somebody by their family name when you have sex with them, Sweetheart," he grins as the time runs out and she is escorted out of the cell.

The interview caused riots of massive proportions. The two top heroes integrity were being questioned, and it lead to all heroes to be doubted. People didn't want to be saved by them anymore, UA had to cancel their Sports Festival, and hero agencies were being vandalized. With slurs and insults getting graffitied on their wall and sometimes, people even through rock at their windows. It was beautiful, and with every interview, Dabi made the heat go up. The pressure to find the rest of the PLF had never been more, but he had proved to be useless on that front.

He didn't regret any of it. And when the interviews stopped, he was left alone to rot in his cell. Maybe they were waiting for him to crack when he was left in solitude. He wouldn't and he was a little offended his jailers thought that. That was the moment Shigaraki made contact with him again, and phase three started.

With a mind-communication quirk, Tomura told him that soon they would let him out to the shared space on the prison. He was supposed to start scouting and riot the convicts so that they became loyal to them. The two talked all night, and when he left him, his boss promised a repeat of their last time together if he did a good job.

That made left him reeling and eager to give what his leader wanted and more.

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All the league had said their goodbyes before he went on the mission. He spent an entire day with Toga, letting the crazy girl do all she wanted with him on a self-care day. He never had been able to before, not fully at least. Since his scars wouldn't agree with all the creams the bloodthirsty girl used. She made him promise to return in one piece. He shared a night of drinking with Compress, where the masked man stripped him of a pocket knife and some piercings. He then said he would hold on to them and give them back to him when he came from his mission safe and sound. He trained with Spinner all evening. The lizard asking him to talk nice about him if he saw Stain and to not get himself killed like a fool. He knew they were all worried about him, not only because of the danger of the mission but also about his psyche.

He hated how similar he looked to his dad. He would do anything to stop seeing him every time he looked in the mirror. Tomura helped him.

On his last night with the league, Tomura called him into his room, and he didn't come out till morning. The two spent hours together, softly killing the last moments before he had to leave for a long time. Between whispers and bedsheets, Tomura made Dabi felt thing he thought he had forgotten how to. It was different from his other experiences. It was slow and tender, each caress meant something, and he felt his heart would give out at any moment. Tomura, who could now touch things without the imminent threat of dusting it, pieced him back together tenderly, in a way the surgery couldn't. That night had been heaven on earth, a sanctuary in his everyday inferno. In those quiet moments, between skin and silk, Dabi didn't need anything else. And he had a feeling Tomura thought the same.

After that night, he woke up with a clear objective. They were fighting for a world where they could live in, a world where Magne and Twice could have lived in, and if Dabi needed to burn the one they were in first, then he would gladly light up and do it.

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Two months after the first contact, he heard from Shigaraki again.

He gave him an update on his mission, and his leader kept him up with the outside world. Not many news made it into Tartarous, they had an hour of Tv time when they ate and sometimes heard gossip between the guards, but nothing more.

His mission had been going well. He had found Muscular on the first day, who had a small gang of followers, and he quickly earned their respect. He guessed Shigaraki had also communicated with him, since the blonde man followed him from day one. On his first day out of solitude, he learned how the hierarchy of the place worked, and on the second, he made sure everybody knew he meant business.

The prison had three top dogs, one was Muscular, another one was Dorobo, and the third one was Chisaki. He went after the Yakuza first. The only thing that made him dangerous was his lapdogs, since other than that he was a quirkless armless germ freak. Luckily the Yakuza didn't change much, and the moment he underestimated him, Dabi humiliated him in front of the whole patio of convicts. Some of his lapdogs even changed sides, coming to him after finally seeing Chisaki was a lost cause. The Dorobo part was more tricky, but he was slowly making the small gang respect him.

"Do you trust those Yakuzas?" Shigaraki's voice echoed in his mind.

"Not entirely, Setsuno and Hoyo are more likely to betray us, but Rappa, Rikija and Tabe are desperate to get out of here," he thinks, talking to Tomura.

"Anything else I should be aware of?" Shigaraki asks.

"Kurogiri, Stain, the Doctor and your Sensei are in constant lockdown. I can't reach them and not get caught," he informs him.

"I see. I'll deal with Kurogiri and Stain, the Doctor and Sensei can wait," he tells him.

"You sure?"

"If he wanted to, Sensei could get out of there with a flick of his finger. He is making his own plan. And we don't need the Doctor, for now. We can get him out after we free Kurogiri," he hears Tomura explain.

"Mmm, I miss you," he tells him, not having much of filter inside his head.

"Me too," Tomura breathlessly responds.

"Is there anything you want from this place?" he asks, confusing the leader. "I can't go back empty-handed, I want to give you a gift," he tells him.

"Just come back safely, and I will be satisfied," Tomura admits.

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It took seven months for the mission to reach its final point.

One morning, in a peaceful part of town, they released some second-rate Noumus and made them run through the woods. Heroes went on a wild goose chase after them, and while they were busy, the prison break began.

They first cut communications with the outside. Skeptic did it electronically until Toga got inside and gained control of the whole prison in the control-panels. Once Toga had taken control, Dabi started another riot. It began as a fight between his group and the Yakuzas that escalated, and the Dorobos joined in. It was a common occurrence for riots to break out whenever Dabi felt bored, so the guards inside already knew the protocol they had to follow.

As they were distracted with that, Spinner and Compress slipped inside with the help of Toga and liberated the two key players who weren't in the riot. Compress went after Kurogiri and Spinner after Stain. Once her task was done, she went to the storage room of Tartarous, where they kept all the villains personal stuff and met with Compress, Spinner and the two older men, who were back in their usual clothing. With bags full of Compress' marbles, Kurogiri opened a portal, and they all left.

While that was happening undisturbed, a giant icicle broke one of the walls of the prison, just where the prisoners were at the moment. Out of the ice structure, Apocrypha and one of their underdogs came out. The underdog, one with an electrical quirk, created a make-shift fence between the prisoners and the guards. At that moment, Toga, who was still in the control centre by that time, enabled the convicts quirk to be back. But only those Dabi had said it was okay. Then, with the guards leaving them alone and their quirks back, Dabi stood among them with a way to escape.

The small group of five ended in a green, flowery clearing, where Tomura was waiting. As soon as they arrived, the leader asked the mist man to open another portal, back to the prison, where the other convicts were. Apocrypha, once the black portal appeared, made an ice wall to give the convicts time to escape. They all went through it, but when Hoyo and Setsuno were about to follow them, Dabi stopped them. The Yakuza's didn't have their quirks back yet, so even if the red-head was alone, there was no way for them to win against him. Not to mention that Apocrypha was behind him, giving him time and keeping the ice wall up.

"None of you are going to leave this place until you prove to me you are not loyal to Chisaki anymore. You don't have to join the league, but if you want freedom, you can't serve Overhoe," he gives them an ultimatum.

"What!? How!? In any moment they are going to break that wall! There is no time for that!" Setsuno complains.

"Grab Chisaki and hold him for me," Dabi tells them, no panic in his voice. "I'm going to gift him to Tomura, but he is heavy, and I don't want to carry him," he explains and watches as Chisaki's eye widen in surprise as his shoulders begin to shake with rage. "So, what's it gonna be?" Setsuno and Hoyo share a glance and then look behind them.

The blonde lowers his head and then steps back towards the Yakuzas. But Hoyo doesn't. He turns around, pushes the skinny lapdogs out of the way and grabs Chisaki like a bag of potatoes. The germaphobe screams and pleads with the bald man, but he doesn't listen. Dabi lets him pass and finally, as the ice wall falls, the fire and ice wielder step into the mist.

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As the convicts start coming through the black portal, they are distributed into cars. Those that don't want to join the league but become allies are given a small car per groups of four, and the one who join the Paranormal front are moved into a truck. The only ones left inside the prison are Geten, the Yakuza and Dabi.

The league waits for them as the truck filled with ex-convicts leaves.

Tomura doesn't know what's taking the other so long. The fire-maniac had asked they give him a few minutes to sort something out, but he was really pushing it. Had they got him again? No. He trusted his second-in-command. Whatever he was doing was for the league, he knew that. He was impatient, though. It had been seven months since he last saw the pyro, and while hearing his voice and seeing news about him was enough for a while, he still wanted to be next to him.

Suddenly, a bald man carrying the screaming and pleading mess of Chisaki Kai comes through the portal, with Dabi and Geten behind him. Kurogiri closes the gateway, and it takes all of Tomura's self-control not to run towards Dabi.

"I brought you a gift," Dabi states as Geten stomps away, fuming and cursing and the ex-yakuza leaves his former boss on the ground in front him. "Take a ride with the ice Gremlin. Something tells me you won't join the league," he tells Hoyo, who grunts and leaves.

"Welcome back," Tomura greets him, as Dabi comes closer to him. "I knew you could do it,"

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The league partied and celebrated their win that night.

Their new base was hidden inside on a mountain, and the more civilian-like part of the army were at a different location, so it was private to villains. The new recruits, who had been locked away, were drinking and enjoying their freedom. Re-destro and the rest of his group was trying to control them to no avail, but otherwise were having a good time and basking in the triumph of the mission. Stain, who, although he was not going to join the league, decided to hang around, was meeting his fans. Toga, after finally letting go of Dabi, latched onto the hero-killer like a  parasite. She asked him all sort of question about blood and showed him her knife collection. Spinner stood by their side, listening and staring in awe as the man talked. Dabi was beside them too, chuckling in amusement at the scene and talking for Spinner since the lizard was unable to. Compress travelled from small group to small group, basically hosting the entire thing and giving out clothes for the ex-prisoners to change.

Dabi leaves the one-sided chat with Stain when Compress gives him his clothes. He steps away from the celebration altogether and heads towards his room. As he walks through the halls of their base, he comes across Tomura and Kurogiri. The two had disappeared at some point of the party, and they were now trapped in a loving embrace. He didn't interrupt them and kept on his way. He was taking off the jail suit when Tomura stepped inside his room.

The two crossed gazes, and Tomura closed the door behind him and finally gave in. He strode to his second-in-command and clashed their lips together in a wanting and desperate kiss.

They didn't come out of that room until the next morning.

[mookoo-writes]

~Delayed Presentation~ (Antisepticeye x Anxious! Teen! Reader)

Requested By: FirefliesOfJune on Wattpad

Could you do an Antisepticeye x Social Anxiety! Teen! Reader?

Authors Note: Based on why I hate presentations.

So sorry I haven’t been posting. I want to focus more on my art since I am going into college for it. I am going to finish these requests real quick and maybe take a short break.

I was actually thinking about starting art commissions bc I’m broke and need money. If you are interested, go check out my Instagram and/or Tumblr. I will (hopefully) have a comm. rules sheet up by next week.

Instagram: MooKoo_Draws

Tumblr: MooKoo-Draws

Fandom: Jacksepticeye Egos

Pairing(s): Antisepticeye x Anxious! Teen! Reader

Warning(s): Anxiety, panic, glitching, scaring the shit out of your class, cursing probably, platonic reader

Anyway, please enjoy~

You always hated presenting infront of the class. Everyone does. It would have been a little better if it was a group presentation but no, the teacher just HAD to watch their students suffer alone.

Unfortunately for you, you had to present next and were beyond nervous. You will just do what you always do. Constantly mess up and forget your place in the slide, think about it the entire way home and drink your problems away with juice boxes.

The person finished up their presentation and silently sat back down at their desk while the class half ass clapped.

Okay okay, you got this. Standing up from your desk, you concentrated on the floor. Bring careful and not tripping on any book bags is always a good idea. As you neared the USB port attacked to the wall, you noticed something odd. It seemed to glow a neon green.

You shrugged it off and put your usb drive in the port. Before it even touched the box sparked while a mass amount of virus warnings and pop ups flooded the screen on the wall. The teacher stood up from their desk and frantically tried to fix it.

The screen started to glitch uncontrollably. The class started to talk to one another about what was happening. You heard talk of a virus but you knew they were wrong.

Screams erupted from the classroom as the lights went out including the ones in the hall. The only source of light available was a faint red glow in the dark hallway. Everyone started to freak out except for you. You knew exactly what was happening and who was causing this. Let’s just say you were NOT happy about it.

A menacing cackle rang threw the room. Students were now huddled next to each other like their life depended on it. You only sighed to yourself, knowing that this whole game was going to give you attention or in trouble.

“What the fUCK IS THAT!?” One of the students pointed towards the closed glass door. A dark figure stood infront of it. The light glow of red adding an extra effect of creepiness.

A few more screams filled the classroom as the man turned his head.

You merely sighed again and walked towards the door. Everyone in the room watched, now knowing full well what you are about to do. “Y/n don’t you DARE open that door or we will-“

You ignored the teachers orders and opened the door. “Hey Anti.”

The lights flickered back on and the projector fixed. Anti’s hand came down on your head and playfully ruffled your hair. “I’m here to pick up my kid” His glitched voice echoed through the room as everyone sat silent just staring. Anti shuffled threw his pockets and pulled out a note from the office saying I can go early.

The teacher shakily walked over to the glitch demon and took the piece of paper. Looking it over, they nodded their head without saying a word.

“Alright kid, let’s go. We can grab some food on our way too.” You two walked out of the room and into the now lit hall. “You know l, there are better ways to get me from school.” You narrowed your eyes to the man. “Yea but there not as fun.” Anti let out a chuckle as he pushed open the doors leading out the school.

“Wait, why did get me? I don’t have anything important.” Anti shrugged, “I was bored.” “Which explains why you were the one to come in the first place. You know the rules. Dangerous egos aren’t allowed at my school.”

“Okay with yer rules. All us egos are dangerous.” Anti crosses his arms as if he’s made his point. “Not the superhero’s or the the literal king of all squirrels.” “Hey have ya ever been bitten by one of those little freaks?! They hurt like shit.” You laughed at his pained memory as you two walked down the street on your way to grab something to eat.

“Just don’t tell Dark about this. He’ll have my head.”

[dahniwitchoflight]

Candy 18-21

oh, oh no

I’ve heard things about Jane x Gamzee

now I get to experience them, oh boy...

Gamzee gets, strangely serious about stuff for once, huh, who would have thunk it

yeah, It’s clear Jane’s political stuff seem to stem from some kind of fear that one day humanity won’t exist on Earth C for whatever reason

that over time, the population of trolls versus humans will eventually skew so much that there won’t be any adam and eve left to match up with each other

in her mind she really doesn’t hate trolls, cuz its not really about the trolls, not at all, but obviously her actions are equivalent to someone who does hate them and she just doesn’t get that

and like, yeah if you just left them to their own devices, maybe that would happen, but then (and I can’t believe I’m saying this) Gamzee has an extremely good point that they already did that when they plopped all the ectokids down and called it a day for a 1000 years, like, they managed to figure it out on their own just fine

and also

ectobiology will literally never stop being a thing so like, as long as some of the god kids stick around, eventually you can just make more humans it’s no big deal to restart the human gene pool since it will be identical to the first time they started it

there’s no reason to make sure this system runs smoothly the “natural way” it won’t, this situation is unnatural for both species

Jane’s just gotta realize that if she wants humans to keep sticking around, she just has to keep supporting the human population, that’s it, whatever trolls do or don’t do doesn’t matter for that goal

course it doesn’t help to compare trolls to animals when talking about their breeding rate and how it naturally evolved over time unlike the apparently non animal humans Janey

Also Alternian society is def not how troll society naturally is but like how could she know that? And how could any troll near her really explain that? 

aaaand I got so up in taking this seriously I forget who was talking

Jane’s into troll blackrom though that’s interesting and unexpected 

oh wow, Jake was there the whole time

Did they really name Jake and Jane’s baby Tavros??? oh jeesus

Yeah Kinda figured the Jane x Jake thing wasn’t gonna actually be happy

I’m really surprised Jane’s version of happiness apparently involves boinking a weird funny man I mean, she canonically likes clowns and jokes, so at the same time I’m not surprised, I mean, she WAS raised by the condesce, it’s just weird how that influence comes out in her sometimes versus how it doesn’t come out in her

literal Jake nightmare scenario though I think lol

really hammering home how the passions of youth don’t really translate well to happy adult relationships

Oh, so there’s the part where Jade reveals she has Bec biology, considering the fandom reaction you’d think we were gonna get some kind of gross M rated sex scene where she pegs Karkat or something

but all she does is talk about how she’d love a normal family and home life and lament that her circumstances ended up not really allowing that and giving enough hints that we can figure out why that would be

it’s not handled grossly at all, even if the subject matter is odd and it doesn’t come off as some sort of character sabotage

this whole time what we’ve known all Jade was that she was lonely and just wanted a family, not that hard to figure out why, girl’s got the same complex as Joey Claire about her family situation, but she’s more reserved about her feelings since she didn’t get to have a comparison of role models like Joey did with her babysitter and also Jade’s food and shelter needs were somewhat taken care by a planet guardian so the affect was somewhat lessened on the outside, she just didnt get the same chances as Joey to be able to articulate her emotional turmoil about it

aww Jade’s not happy either, well, that’s how it goes when you make relationship decisions based on flimsy passions that are more about fulfilling the needs of the self than about actually wanting good things for a partner

More like Jade’s sort of realized that Karkat and Dave don’t have a genuine romantic interest in her and she’s the only one keeping this ship afloat

oh shit, a dead younger jade, oh damn wait she’s the one from Meat that was trapped in the house juju and then immediately died from space razors

Yeah’s she’s a bloody symbol of meat that’s for sure, theyre making that pretty clear

“Her eyes go wide and she feels the breath go out of her for a moment. She looks directly upward. Where did this body come from?”

Again, if we take that symbolism circle of Breath = Sugar = Drugged up High =  Breath

This little dash of meat falling into wonderland would break the breathy haze for a bit wouldn’t it?

So if this kind of thing can happen to others besides John, there’s hope yet for something of value to come from Candy

“ There’s a peaked skylight at the top of the foyer that splits the morning sun like a prism, spilling multicolored dots across every surface below. Amongst those dots are drips of teen-Jade’s blood. It’s so dark on the spotless tile that it looks nearly black. “

I wish I could draw things, I’d love to draw this exact scene here, it’s pretty and morbid

Yeah, the relationship theme of Candy seems to be that everyone’s jumping into Kismesis plus Matesprite threesomes, that seem to be neither of what anyone actually wants in totality

There’s some realization that their Candy filled atmosphere is actually more a drug or a poison, teen jade can’t be revived, and it’s not because of what happened to her, but more because of the environment she is in now

Ah Roxy, ever the social chameleon people pleaser, not working this time though

Jade’s is easily explained already as she has the social graces of an elephant

It is kinda sad tho to see most of the human characters actually aren’t that good at being cool about troll stuff

“CALLIOPE: pUrple roses traditionally represent love at first sight, however these roses are actUally red roses that we prepared Using a blUe dye.CALLIOPE: the blUe rose is the most elUsive and mysterioUs of all flowers.CALLIOPE: the combination of red and blUe in this context is meant to evoke the dUal natUre of death, in that there is nothing more mysterioUs and impossible to comprehend than the vast void of the afterlife, bUt also there is nothing that makes Us appreciate the life and and love that we already have than the mystery of death.CALLIOPE: while death is terrifying, there is always joy to be foUnd among the sorrow. each time we witness death, we fall in love with the important people in oUr lives all over again.“

Why do I get the feeling Calliope is talking about actual rose here somehow?

Is it because she started off with “here’s the symbolism of Purple Roses”?

a Red Rose dyed Blue

Now if Cascade taught us anything Blue and Red certainly represent a mutual destruction of opposites coming together to create a third new thing in the blaze of the aftermath, but that thing was a Green Sun, not something purple, so why bring Rose into mind for all of this?

We have been seeing the effects of what happens when people in candyland awaken from their drug haze with a smattering of blood, but in that case why not make the symbolism more clear by saying a Blue Candied Rose dyed Red as if with Bloodied Meat?

is it more to mean that the correct path lies NOT in Candy being dyed Red, but in Meat being dyed Raspberry Blue?

I Mean, Candy!Rose certainly seems shaken here, having gotten jolted out of her drugged haze at some point, but unable to See, and she’s actually starting to be concerned about that and Meat!Rose is kind of out of commission at this point, So I guess to get things back on track, Candy!Rose would have to go back to the Meat somehow, or might be the influence needed to snap Meat Rose out of her daze

Though I don’t like how this is taking place in the context of a funeral, specifically bringing to mind how Dirk did the same thing using the vessel of Death, I hope Candy Rose doesn’t try to just, off herself

with Dirk taking control of Rose’s ultimate self in Meat, Candy!Rose might be the only true Rose left to take heroic action

Aww, Callie is still head over heels for Roxy, I’m really surprised with this theme of threesomes that nothing ever came of a John x Roxy x Callie, but then again all the threesomes so far have been painted Black and Red, and unless John or Roxy was to form a Kismesis with Callie, I don’t see it happening at all

OH SHIT SPEAKING OF RED AND BLUE

Damn, Sollux and Aradia are here

“KARKAT: MAYBE FUCKING NEPETA IS ABOUT TO POUNCE FROM BEHIND THAT GROTESQUE STATUE OF THE HUMAN SUFFERER T-POSING OVER THERE.”

Karkat don’t tease me about Nepeta but also again WHY is actual Jesus here.

Is Roxy a christian in this timeline? Was she legit just praying to actual Human Jesus? That’s so, weird, especially for Roxy to do, what the fuck in Roxy’s upbringing on an apocalypse earth would make her want to worship Jesus?

Oh wait, that’s obviously what she thinks that every other human sincerely does, since she only had human media to go off of, and like, technically no human has ever said they DONT worship christian gods to her.

“GAMZEE: wHeN tHe DoOr Of ThAt FrIdGe pOpPeD oPeN iT wAs LikE i Be AlL sEeIn ThE lIgHt AnD sHiT.

SOLLUX: well yeah

SOLLUX: that’s what happens when s0me0ne 0pens a d00r t0 a t0tally dark encl0sure.“

Gamzee has had a weirdly meta understanding of what’s going on so far, for some reason, I can’t fathom what could be the Lighty influence that he’s gotten

unless...

Dirk really IS starting to subsume Ultimate Rose, and that’s bleeding over to every Ultimate self connected to Dirk

the more Gamzee knows meta shit and says oddly correct things, the more we know Dirk is “winning” over Rose

Oh, that’s why Gamzee is really here isn’t he? I mean, storywise? He’s a Dirk thermometer/gauge/thing, he’s our way of measuring how far Dirk’s influences are going in Meat

“ARADIA: its so nice that you believe all that gamzee

ARADIA: i think i can honestly say

ARADIA: im reasonably happy for you?“

lol

“blue smoke”

You don’t really tend to describe Smoke as being Blue right? At least, I don’t think that’s usual

But if we’re straight up associating Candy with Blue  to complement Meat with Red now, it’s just making the whole Sugar = Breath thing that much stronger

*EDIT* DUH OF COURSE OF CANDY’S COLOR IS BLUE

BLUE GUSHERS. OBVIOUSLY. *end edit*

and I mean, what is Breath but a weird bluey smoke?

Roxy just wants to be happy with all her friends, that’s all

It is a good shake at trying to explain the nature of infinite possibility, that in reality, there isn’t really more weight put into one possibility over others, that’s how it works in real life anyway

unfortunately a storyline of canon is going to favor some version of events over others, and people make choices because they have preferences for that choice over other choices, something that seems kind of lost on Candy!Roxy who seems to just be okay with going along with anything because everything has an equal chance for having happytimes in this place

Roxy may be starting to lose her sense of self as well, and with her knowledge on things and how’s she’s been described as immutable so far, I wouldn’t be surprised at her having easily and subtly slipped into Ultimate Self hood herself and just being really okay with the idea that there is no one true Roxy, that she is just one piece of many, and not like, needing to delve into that further, not needing to connect with all her alternate selves, happy just being singular but at the same time completely malleable

Oh! Baby time.

Oh fuck, Al!Calliope in Jade time.

Why is Callie so afraid of Alt!Callie? That didn’t come across in their meetings in Homestuck as much, so why is that different here?

Is it because of Jade’s earlier comment of “there can only be one instance of a person here” and Callie doesn’t think she can win against Alltie?

Also, all these instances of Alltie appearing in Jade’s body is making me worried Alltie is doing something to both of their Ultimate Selves, like she’s subsuming Jade somehow like Dirk is subsuming Rose

I mean, they are fighting one another, so if Dirk’s doing something she has to keep pace right? In her mind, it’s probably totally justified

this is getting long enough for this post though, off we go again but I’m still reading

[iatethepomegranate]

Homecoming Chapter 23

For story masterlist and AO3 links, see the “my tags and fics” page on my blog. This is part of the Human Connection series.

Tumblr removed my last chapter from the tags and I’m not sure why, so I won’t be reblogging myself this time or tagging anyone. We’ll see if that works.

Pairing: DickTiger

Rating: Teen (this chapter)

Length: 3.7k

Summary: Dick recuperates, Tiger has a visitor, and Jason engages in some very healthy coping mechanisms.

Notes: Warnings for alcohol abuse, allusions to the previous torture

***

Chapter 23

It was difficult to concentrate on anything while Dick was laid up in bed. Tiger found the manor stifling most days due to the problems with Bruce and the affections of an overbearing family. Add in the argument and Dick's condition, and he couldn't breathe while surrounded by those walls.

So he found himself outside again, by the back door, leaning against a stone railing likely older than most American architecture he had seen. The roof covered the area, which was fortunate, as it was raining today.

It rained often here, cleansing the air until it was cool and fresh. Tiger leaned over the railing, catching raindrops in his palm.

He was in no hurry to return indoors and face the consequences of that conversation in Dick's bedroom. Where would he go if he had to leave this time?

“Yes, Tiger,” came a familiar woman's voice. “Water is wet.” Helena threw a duffel bag at Tiger's feet. “Your things.”

“Thank you.” Tiger wiped his wet hand on his pants. “Who let you in here?”

“The old man who answered the door,” Helena replied, leaning on the railing on the other side of the stairs down to the manor grounds. Tiger was certain Helena knew Alfred’s name, but sometimes she didn’t like to reveal exactly how much she knew. “He mentioned Dick is suffering some side-effects from the machine.”

“Migraines,” Tiger replied. “Is the machine destroyed?”

“I made sure of it.”

“And the prisoners?” Tiger had been too worried about Dick to give them much thought, but now Bannon was on his mind. Death for that man would be ideal, but Tiger would settle for a lifetime in a high-security prison.

“I've been talking to Batman about that.” Helena gazed out at the manor grounds, frowning, which could either be a bad sign or utterly meaningless. She frowned often. As did Tiger. “Checkmate is our best option for dealing with them. They will likely recruit some who can be rehabilitated.”

“And Bannon?”

Helena sighed. “I don't know. I've been in touch with Checkmate to make sure they have all the information. They know he's a piece of work. But you know them better than I do.”

Tiger hadn't spent much time with Checkmate in several years, given the deep immersion required for his mission in Spyral. They were more principled than Spyral had been, but they were still a group that believed the ends justified the means. Tiger had once thought the same.

“They might want to use him,” Tiger mumbled. Bannon had an uncommon set of skills and an even less common temperament to match. “People like that are hard to find... and control.”

“I could still make him disappear,” Helena offered.

“Do not tempt me.” The thought of Bannon being allowed to keep working made Tiger feel lightheaded. The scar on his shoulder burned.

“I can make it look like an accident.”

“Helena, please.”

Helena held up her hands. “Okay. But if you change your mind...”

“Matron.”

“Message received.” Helena joined him at the railing, nudging the bag aside with her foot. “Checkmate wanted me to bring you one of their own.”

Tiger wasn't sure he wanted to hear Checkmate's message. He sighed, and waited for her to tell him.

“Apparently you never officially quit,” Helena said. “They want you to report to their Gotham headquarters for evaluation and potential reassignment.”

Tiger sighed. “Very well. I can resign in person.”

“Not so fast. You might need their resources to research Dick's condition.”

Tiger hated that she had a point. “Fine. I will debrief with them and ask for assistance. They owe me.” The thought of what would happen when Dick's family discovered he had been a double agent this whole time, however, landed heavily into his mind. “I may not be welcome here for much longer, even if Batman is unconcerned about my allegiances.”

“Oh?”

“He knows I shot Alia.”

“Well, shit.” Helena nudged Tiger's bag with her foot. “Listen. I got Gloria home to her family, so I have no more commitments. I'm staying in Gotham a while longer. If you need a place to stay, my couch is free.”

Tiger didn't know what to say to that. Helena had already helped him run from his problems in the past, and she was offering to do it again. But Tiger would not leave without a fight this time. The thought of being separated from Dick was unbearable. He could barely tolerate being in a different room out of necessity.

“I'm using an old Spyral frequency on my communicator,” Helena said. “Your first one, remember?”

A long time ago, but Tiger remembered. “I will contact you if needed.”

“How do you rate your chances of staying here?”

“I don't know.” Tiger leaned heavily against the railing, weathering a wave of exhaustion. “Bruce can be... stubborn. But the rest of the family likes me, for whatever reason. Dick and Jason won't let me go without a fight. If the others become involved, I can count on Damian at the very least. Possibly the others.”

“You could be okay,” Helena said. “It's hard to blindside somebody twice in a row.”

“Even if I am able to stay,” Tiger muttered, “Bruce can make life unpleasant. I don't know how I can...” He sighed. “Dick is not well. I cannot leave him.”

“Remember that when it gets hard,” Helena said. “Is he up to visitors?”

“Not right now.”

“All right. I'll just have to visit another time, remind Bruce I'm watching. Maybe I'll bring the new uniform I'm working on, since I no longer have any director duties to distract me.” She squeezed his shoulder. “Hang in there. And stay in touch.”

“I will try.”

***

The pain ebbed away after several hours of suffering, but Dick had to move slowly or risk his shitty leg crumbling beneath him. He couldn't quite figure out where it was sometimes. But there were plenty of walls in this place, and Dick knew how to drag an injured body.

Also, he was just plain bored. Reading and watching television were both out of the question; his head split with pain whenever he tried. The rest of the family was likely at dinner, but Dick's stomach hadn't quite settled yet.

Pain memory was a pain in the ass, but he had managed to hold onto enough of the conversation right before he'd been knocked flat. Bruce knew Tiger had helped shoot Alia, and that Jason had practically torn out his own heart on the process of defending him.

Dick still had his communicator, so he tuned it into Jason's frequency, not quite ready to put Tiger through the pain of seeing him in only a semi-recovered state. Jason could take it, and they needed to talk... well, as much as Dick was capable. Words still took time to form in his mouth.

“Jay?” he said into the communicator, leaning against the bedroom doorway. His arm wasn't too bad as long as he was looking directly at it.

“Up already?” Jason let out a long breath through the link. “Shouldn't you be resting?”

“Bored.”

He snorted. “Right.”

“Where are you?” Dick couldn't quite enunciate the words as well as he normally would, but he got the point across.

“Shouldn't you be asking Tiger?”

“Not yet.”

“Still look like shit, huh? I'm on the roof. No way you can make it with half your limbs out of commission.”

“Help me, then.”

“Fuck's sake,” Jason muttered. “Fine. Hope I'm not too drunk yet.”

Of course he was drinking on the roof. Dick would've loved to make a smartass comment, but he couldn't quite get his mouth around the words.

“Tim's room has the easiest foothold,” Jason said. “Kid should still be at dinner. Meet me there.”

Dick didn't comment on the use of Tim's name, rather than 'the replacement' or any of the similarly asshole-ish varieties Jason had used over the years. Jason would backslide the instant he said anything.

Jason sat sitting on the windowsill when Dick staggered his way into Tim's room. “Hey, loser. You look like shit.”

Dick rolled his eyes, grateful that the migraine hadn't affected his eye movement; that would be too far. “Thanks.”

Jason slid outside and helped Dick climb through, keeping a tight grip on his bad arm as they picked their way across the sloped surface and up to a flat point with a bucket full of beer bottles, some full, some empty.

Jason set him down in the middle of the flat section, up against a chimney, and sat opposite him with his back to a slope, snagging a half-empty bottle from the bucket. “Okay. You're up here. Now answer me this: the fuck, dude?”

“Should you be that close to the edge while drinking?” The sentence came easier than Dick expected. Good.

“Fuck off.”

“I can't.”

Jason grumbled under his breath and took a swig of his beer. Dick glanced down at the bucket. More than half the bottles were empty; he'd been here a while. It was just as well Jason could hold his liquor, then.

Dick waited until he'd finished the bottle and started on another before asking, “What happened while I was down?”

“I'm not drunk enough for this conversation.”

“Give it thirty seconds.”

“Were you always this much of a smartass?”

“Yes.”

“Ughh.” Jason took several more gulps and wiped his mouth. “Okay. Fine. Bruce kept being a shithead until I told him to shut the fuck up. Then Tiger disappeared to fuck knows where. He's still in the house, though. Don't freak out. Then Bruce tried to talk to me about shit.”

“How'd that go?”

Jason raised the bottle. “How do you think?”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“I really fucking don't.”

“Drinking hasn't improved your temperament.”

“How would you know?”

Dick could feel his headache coming back just from this conversation. “Jason.”

“Don't Jason me.” Jason drained the rest of the bottle. Dick was really starting to worry about him. This thing with Bruce had been going on for years, ever since Jason came back. They'd never resolved it, and Dick was starting to wonder if they ever would. Maybe some things just weren't fixable.

That wasn't something Dick was prepared to accept, though.

Jason slammed the empty bottle into the bucket and opened the next. “Why are you even out here?”

“Didn't feel like dinner,” Dick replied. “And Tiger doesn't need to see me like this.”

“You're looking better already. Or maybe I'm just getting drunker.”

“It's both, Jay.”

“Yeah.” He took a long swig. “So, you've come to keep the family fuckup company.”

“You're not a fuckup.”

A laugh burst out of Jason, most definitely louder than he had intended. “Bullshit. The only reason Bruce hasn't been on my ass as much is because he's been busy with your boytoy.”

“Call Tiger that in front of him. I dare you.”

“Get me drunk enough and I will.” Jason reclined on his side, propped up on his elbow. It was probably a more stable position given his inebriation. “God damn it. You just had to go and get yourself injured, didn't you?”

“Wasn't planned.”

Jason wasn't listening. “Here I was hoping you'd come back in one piece and step back into being everyone's annoying big brother so I didn't have to do it anymore. But nooooo.” He tipped his head backwards and emptied the bottle into his mouth. “You go ahead and make everyone think you're gonna fucking die. And, like... you don’t die. But you're too damn sick to be yourself, so I'm stuck here filling your shoes in Bruce's house and none of us even know if this is a permanent thing or...” Jason dropped his face onto his arm. “Fuck, I'm an asshole. Pass me another bottle.”

“I think you've had enough, Jay.” Dick didn't trust himself not to drop the damn thing anyway.

Jason groaned into his arm. “I forgave him, you know. For not saving me.”

“I know, Jay.” Dick had reminded Bruce of this on several occasions in the past.

“But letting the Joker live... fuck. I don't know. It's just—it's a lot, okay?”

“I know that, too.” None of this was new information. Dick had struggled with this before, with what happened to Jason and Barbara. There were times he had been so angry he easily could've killed the Joker himself. He'd come close on several occasions.

“He would've done it if it had been you, you know. All his bullshit about how he really did want to kill him and had to stop himself or he'd, like, keep killing or whatever... he would've done it.”

“You don't know that, Jay.” Dick wasn't in the mood to fight over who was the favourite tonight. “He loves you.”

Dick was getting to the point where he hoped Jason wouldn't remember this in the morning. He wasn't great at comforting Jason even at the best of times. He tried, but he didn't have the frame of reference to truly understand where Jason was coming from. Bruce had made mistakes with both of them, but in different ways. Jason's death had altered the trajectory of his life, put him in direct opposition to Bruce and the rest of the family. They'd reached an uneasy equilibrium, where Jason didn’t involve them with the more homicidal aspects of his vigilantism and they didn't dig too deeply anymore.

That didn't work for Bruce. He took responsibility for Jason's actions, especially those that occurred within Gotham. Dick couldn't see a solution without one of them giving in, and Bruce and Jason were two of the most stubborn people he had ever known.

Jason wasn't a bad person. He just had very different ideas about how to deal with the worst criminals they encountered. In a way, it had prepared Dick for Tiger and, in turn, experience with Tiger had given Dick greater patience with Jason.

It was still hard to reconcile, even when Dick wasn't coming down from hours of pain.

Jason flopped onto his back. “Jesus Christ, I'm drunk.”

“You're just noticing now?”

“Ughhhhhhhh.” Jason threw an arm across his face. “Why the fuck are we talking about this? You trying to make me cry?”

“I won't tell.” Even if Dick was strongly tempted to tell Bruce that Jason was still really messed up about this. “Nice to know you care that much about the kids, though.”

“Someone has to. And you're...” Jason gestured vaguely in Dick's direction. “You know.”

“Why, Jason, you're almost responsible in your old age.”

“Fuck off.”

“I told you before: I can't.”

A chill wind picked up, jabbing through Dick's coat. The tip of his nose was turning into an icicle.

Jason groaned and sat up. “You should get inside. Don't need to get sicker on my account.” He had to put a hand down to stop himself from pitching sideways. “And I'm way too drunk to help you.”

Dick put in a call to Tiger, who didn't arrive alone. Tim had tagged along.

“You've got to stop using my window as an escape route,” Tim complained, pulling Jason to his feet. “How much did you drink?”

Tiger helped Dick stand, peering past him at the bucket. “That... looks like many empty bottles.”

“It is,” Dick confirmed.

Tim and Jason went down first. Despite his inebriation, Jason was steady on the slope, more so than he'd been on the flat section. Muscle memory was a hell of a thing.

Tiger pulled Dick close, kissing the top of his head. “How are you feeling?”

“Better.” Dick pressed his cold cheek to Tiger's shoulder for a moment. “Come on. Talk more inside. Tim'll get the bottles.”

Jason had sprawled on Tim's bed when they got inside. Tim slipped back out to grab the bucket of empty bottles, muttering under his breath the whole time. Dick lowered himself into the desk chair.

“Have you eaten?” Tiger asked.

“No. Still a bit queasy.”

“Better than I feel right now,” Jason muttered, pressing his hands over his eyes. “God damn, why did I drink so much?”

“We'd all like to know the answer to that question,” Tim replied, dumping the bucket by the window, slamming that shut. Dick flinched at the sound.

“I don't pry into your shitty coping mechanisms,” Jason mumbled.

Tim crossed his arms, leaning against the windowsill. “What'd I miss?”

“A lot,” Dick replied. He wasn't sure how much he wanted to tell Tim, or how much Tim suspected already. He was a smart kid, smarter than Dick by a huge margin. There was no shame coming in second to a certified genius. Well, third, behind Bruce... and possibly some of the others. Definitely Barbara. Dick knew a lot of smart people.

“Three shooters took down Alia and I was one of them,” Tiger said.

“Oh, I know. Jason did a really bad job hiding the evidence.”

“Had no time,” Jason muttered.

“Bruce knows, too,” Tiger added.

“Yeah, because you told him,” said Dick. He still wasn't sure how to feel about it. Some tiny part of him had been hoping Jason was gonna pull off something spectacular and throw Bruce off the scent.

“He already suspected.” Tiger fixed Tim with an odd look; Dick had a vague pain-fogged recollection of Alfred telling him they had spent some time together while everyone still thought he was having a stroke. “This doesn't bother you?”

“I heard what happened,” Tim replied, giving Tiger a steady stare in response. “It doesn't sound like you had many options. Or any. I hate killing as much as anyone else in this family, present company excluded, but I would've made the same decision in your shoes. I mean, if I had quick access to a gun. Which I normally don't.”

Tiger's expression was hard to read. Confused, maybe?

Tim shrugged. “I'm glad I didn't have to make that choice. Would it help if I talked to Bruce about it?”

“Maybe,” Dick said. “Jay and I have obvious reasons for being on Tiger's side. You don't.”

“I'll catch him after patrol tonight,” Tim promised. “If it helps, I think the others would understand, too, especially if they knew how close it was. Damian and I don't always see eye-to-eye on things, but I think this might be an exception.”

Dick really didn't want to think about close he had come to either dying, or being possessed and then eventually dying anyway. Judging from the way Tiger's body language had completely shut off—crossed arms, rounded shoulders, mouth set in a thin line—he didn't either.

Tim held up his hands. “We can deal with that tomorrow. You should go to bed.” He walked over to Jason and kicked his foot. “You, too. Thanks for putting us a man down tonight.”

Jason snored loudly. Tim watched him for a moment, before sighing.

“Bastard,” he muttered, shoving the bucket of bottles into Tiger's hand. “Go stick those in his room. I'm not catching the blame for this.”

Tim headed down to get changed for patrol, leaving Jason asleep in his bed. Dick and Tiger made their way to their room, detouring to put the bottles in Jason's room.

Upon entering their room, it became clear that Alfred had been in here. The bed was made, the whole room dusted and a bowl of fresh fruit sat on the desk. Dick grabbed a banana, recruiting Tiger to open it for him.

They sat on the bed together, Dick leaning into Tiger a little. Holding his body weight up with only half his limbs working properly was damn exhausting.

“Helena visited today,” Tiger said.

“I missed her? Damn it.”

“She'll be back.”

“Did she say anything interesting?”

“She said... many things.” Tiger ran a hand over his face, drawing attention to the dark circles under his eyes. “She returned my belongings. I think Alfred was going to... ah. There they are.” There was a duffel bag in the corner. “Checkmate has taken the agents who did not cooperate with us, including Bannon. They may recruit some of them.”

“And Bannon?”

“He might be one of them.”

“Fuck that.”

“Helena told them what he did.” Tiger closed his eyes, head downturned, and Dick was surprised he hadn't fallen asleep yet. “They also want me to report in for a debrief. And possible reassignment.”

“What are you going to do?”

“That depends. If they can help research your condition... I can be friendly. Otherwise, I will resign.”

“I didn't think you wanted to go back.”

“I do not.”

Dick rubbed his forehead, willing a stab of pain to go away. “Bruce has resources. We can—”

“Checkmate has other resources,” Tiger said. “I want to give you the best chance to recover.”

“You don't even want to be a spy anymore.”

“I want you to be in pain even less.” Tiger grabbed an orange from the bowl, digging into the skin to peel it. “They owe me for Spyral.”

“You think Maxwell Lord will see it that way?”

“I will make him see it that way.” Tiger plucked out a segment and handed it to Dick. “You missed two meals. Eat.”

Dick was nowhere near well enough for this argument, not after dealing with a very drunk, very emotional Jason. There was still a good chance he could puke all this fruit up anyway, which made talking a rather unattractive proposition.

“They will make me do a psychological evaluation,” Tiger said, passing Dick another segment. “It is unlikely I will pass, and therefore will not be cleared for field work anyway.”

“About time that PTSD was good for something.”

Tiger almost smiled. Almost.

Neither of them really felt up to sleeping yet. They'd tended more towards insomnia than nightmares recently. Talking about what happened hadn't really been on the radar, either.

Right now, it was just easier to lie side-by-side, hands intertwined, staring up at the ceiling. The whole thing hung heavily between them, a thick pane of glass pressing down on their chests. It would eventually shatter, and there was no telling how much damage it would do, but maybe they could start breathing again once it was done.

They weren't ready to take that chance yet. Dick still felt too damn fragile, and Tiger, though he'd fared better physically, was just as messed up on the inside... if not more.

They needed more time, and now they had to make sure they would have it.

[game-meak]

A Proper Postmortem

Maybe?!  Heck if I know how to actually format a good post but let’s try.  As game development went on for almost four years, this is probably gonna be long... and also give away basically the whole game oops!  Read on with caution.

Sometime around July 2014, a month after the initial release of my first game, my room was being remodeled and I was stuck with nothing for free time but a garbage laptop I could do anything on, an old flip phone, my sketchbook, and my 3DS.  So beyond playing an obscene amount of Animal Crossing and Tomodachi Life, I at some point went “hey, what if I made a second game starring the kids.”  So I started trying to plan it out!  And it went

absolutely nowhere that I intended it to go!!!

For instance, this is the very first page of sketches.  This squirrel was supposed to be really important.  It’s not.  I don’t even KNOW what’s up with that duck.

A thing I like to think about before I set off making any of the story, assets, or scripts for my games tend to be themes and motifs.  And I kept circling back to a very important, very personal “theme.”  Without using the internet at large as my therapy couch, I was emotionally abused and taken advantage of multiple times in my life and it greatly impacts how I interact with people to this very day, as you’d expect events of such a degree would.  Particularly, I kept thinking that the RPG Maker fan crowd tends to skew young and be in the teenage range and at ages 14-16, I could’ve used something to help.

Of course, my entire thought process isn’t necessarily one of charity and selflessness.  It was also a way of me expressing what I’d dealt with in ways I’ve only ever communicated with my friends who were also victims of the same circumstances, the closest I would let myself come to personal stories and retellings with a cover of plastic children and wild adventures.  It was also in some ways a way of me verifying to myself that something ongoing was, in fact, bananas and should not have been happening, but that might be another story for another time.

As you can probably guess, Haze and Seal came into the picture since I needed to make two characters who would have this struggle.  A lot of decisions came about because of my personal experience.  They’re 15/16 because I was at the time of the incidents that primarily inspired me to make this game.  They’re both nonbinary because I am.  They love anime because I did (and do...?!)  One of their friends is even directly modeled off how one of my friends looked in high school.  To that degree, I guess someone, somewhere can call them self inserts.  But they’re also not, since I didn’t want to just do a personal retelling with fictional characters.  I’d just write a memoir or something at that point.

Haze’s design came first, and then Seal’s was sort of made as a foil to them.  Haze’s “colors” are pink, black, grey, and red.  Seal’s are teal and light purple... and also black.  Haze had a rabbit motif (which got toned down as I went on), Seal had an owl motif (which is now just a single mention in their list of likes...), etc.

Though in the beginning, the story was entirely different.  Initially, everything took place in the neon-ish areas with black sky and reflective, celestial water (that I, very eloquently, call “spacewater”).  The idea was that Haze and Seal were beings from another dimension and that their “fighting” was causing a rip in the universe that the kids stumbled into and therefore got wrapped up in this mess.  I had an entire script written and started making assets and when I went to sum up the game’s plot in a neat paragraph, I realized... I hated it!!!

So I chucked all I had done by that point writing-wise and started again.

In fact, I rewrote a lot.  After the first it was mostly small tweaks and adjustments, but the biggest ones (and the ones that still present a challenge to me!) usually involved trying to make Seal feel like a believable character.  I had shown an early draft to someone who said that Seal felt too much like trying to get back at someone, so I scrapped a ton of their lines and tried again.  I still worry whether or not they come across too Strawman-y, but I’ve done the best I can and whatever criticism people have can apply to my next writing attempts.  It’s very hard to separate yourself from subject matter you feel really personally attached to.  I don’t want to write them in a way that you immediately hate them, or hate me for writing such a blatant “villain” character, but in a way that you can formulate your own thoughts.  That said, though, I am violently allergic to people who call Seal a “tsundere,” even in jest.  So I guess I want people to have their own thoughts as long as it’s not that specific one...! (;;;;)

You may be thinking “heck, this is a lot of paragraphs in and you haven’t even brought up gameplay thoughts” and yes... that’s very true.  Shamefully, for a game where I thought “I should definitely, absolutely focus more on making it a Fun Game than a walking visual novel” I might’ve actually dropped the ball in that area.  I’d like to think I was more adventurous than I had been with my first game.  Some parts do kind of fall into the “walk to the next cutscene, find a key to unlock the next cutscene” pit, but I did put effort into figuring out what I could do with RMXP.  My obligatory “please don’t use this engine here, people thinking of using RPG Maker” statements here.  In the final product, though they’re very simple, I’m most proud of the chalkboard puzzle and the paint sorting puzzle.

Even if, y’know... I somehow neglected to include the letter “k”

Speaking of, I’m not sure if this is a general RPG Maker thing, a “man I hate RMXP” thing, or a “meaka cannot gamemake” thing, but I had several event/puzzles just up and quit on me a few times.  Like they would work fine for months and months, but one day I’d go to them and just nope, suddenly they’re not working, sorry.  Copy+pasting the event to a new map wouldn’t work, so I’d have to manually redo the event.  One of them was the chalkboard puzzle.  The other was the sliding puzzle when Tony is by herself.  Which I’m also aware slows the game down a ton, but I have legitimately no idea how to fix that... I tried and I could never get to to not lag like crazy.

Like I said, I started in July 2014.  I’d shipped the game off to my beta testers in March 2018.  A vast majority of that time was spent creating the visual assets since everything you see in the game is custom.  All the sprites, all the tilesets, every little pixel of it.  All me!  Needless to say... it was very exhausting and very time consuming. I grossly underestimated how much time I thought it’d take.  I never accounted for the very real possibility of burnout, which is incredibly silly considering I was making something entirely by myself that was also an occasionally difficult subject matter...!  There were quite a few weeks where I touched nothing because I couldn’t bring myself to and even a few times where I just considered deleting everything and cancelling the project.  I knew I’d be mad at myself if I quit, especially as I got later into production, so I just tried my best to make sure I didn’t turn it into a huge chore.  Obviously, there were parts that were more tedious than others, but this game really is a very large labor of love that I put a lot of my heart into.

Part of that time is also a little bit of indecision.  Did you know I went through 3 possible title screens?  I sure did!  I’ve also publicly posted about redoing both Haze and Seal’s bust sprites before.  I almost redid all of the kids’, too, but I didn’t wanna get caught in the loop of remaking everything, so I opted to just leave them as they are.  Most of them don’t bug me as much.  M...most of them!

I’m hopping back on the Story train since obviously that was my main focus, but the decision to have Seal sort of “reveal” their true nature (or at least have a jealousy-related anger burst) to Octavio as an animated cutscene was one I’d decided pretty early.  Which is also why, unsurprisingly, I was debating getting voice actors for a hot minute.  But I wouldn’t have used it anywhere else in the game, so I opted not to.  I also wanted to keep the file size low, but that wound up not happening so much, h-haha...   For someone who uses the only engine without native support for videos, I sure do like making animated cutscenes, huh.

Anyway.  This scene originally bridged Octavio’s section of the game to Pablo’s, which would’ve been (for some reason) in an abandoned hospital.  But that didn’t pan out because it didn’t fit what I wanted the game to be and also by switching the order of the two, it builds up more tension(?) on the kind of character you expect Seal to be.  I hope their very first “fuck off, maybe” took someone out there by surprise!

This also was the point when I decided I wanted to commission an original soundtrack, since nothing quite got across what I wanted at the time.  Which is when I put out my silly ad post and somehow managed to get the amazing ProjectTrinity to compose for me...!  I’m still amazed by the sheer quality of music he made for my little RPGMaker game.

Having the teen characters curse was also something I waffled on for a bit.  Clearly, I dwell on the important things as a writer.  I wanted it to contrast the cutesy, kidlike way the siblings talk and also the sort of squeaky-clean image the witches (particularly Seal) present to the kids by contrasting how they talk to each other, most importantly how Seal talks to Haze and their other friends.  I did have the same issue with the Mother in my first game, but I opted to not have her curse at all either since she’s childish in her own way, too.  But that’s not for THIS game’s postmortem, get otta here!!!

I also very much was set on a “battle” with words being the final event of the game.  Though I had a hard time imagining what that would be initially, but eventually arrived at a sort of fake battle system that was introduced in the mine.  The setting for this battle changed with time (everywhere from the park to the academy and in between) was considered...!  The dirty secret is that while I did like the decision to make it take place in the voids between worlds, I also sort of did not want to draw the staircase in the witch academy.  Originally, the kids would’ve also helped Haze “reach” Seal (who was putting actual obstacles in the way), but I guess in my own way, I wanted to give Haze the ability to confront Seal on their own, one-on-one.  Or something like that...!  I also didn’t want to add too much needless backtracking.

I’m... unsure what other point I really want to make, so I guess I’ll end this here unless anyone has anything in particular that interests them they’d want me to answer!

All in all, this game means a lot to me and took a chunk of my life to make and I really hope it’s able to reach at least one person who might need it, even if it’s only a little. 

To all of you who gave it a try, thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart.

A shameless link to the game:  [itch.io] & [RMN]

[babygirlgiles]

High School AU (with trans!Erwin) commissioned by the lovely @kittyboo8015​. ~6k, also on ao3.

I’m still taking commissions to help pay for top surgery so message me or check out my post here!

Levi realizes he hates recess about a week into 1st grade at his new school. The bigger kids tease him constantly, and almost all the other kids are bigger than him. They call him stupid because of the way he talks, because of how slowly he reads, call him a cry baby because he begs the teachers to take him away from Kenny and back home to his mom in Iowa. They make fun of the rip in his favorite tee shirt, the orange one with sharks and Chomp, Chomp, Chomp! screen printed across the orange fabric.

The few that don’t tease him, won’t let him play. That hurts his feelings even worse.

“Sorry,” a red headed boy tells him one afternoon, toeing the pea gravel beneath his light-up Sketchers. “My dad said I can’t play with you.”

Levi looks down at his own velcro shoes, one strap missing and the others fraying. “Why not?” he asks.

“My mom says you give people hair bugs!” his friend, a second grader with oversized glasses, screams loud enough for the whole playground to hear.

“Let me play with you,” Levi growls, fists clenched. The red head knocks Levi to the ground with a hard shove, the sounds of his Get away from us, weirdo! mixing with the teacher’s indignant Hey! and Levi scrambles to his feet, nearly trips over himself as he runs to his hiding spot under the slide. It’s a small spot, even for him, his only refuge among too tall playground equipment and too tall kids.

He’s still picking rocks out of his palms when his hiding spot get a visitor.

“Leave me alone,” Levi mumbles, focusing on his hands. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees a pair of feet in white sandals, complete with plastic flowers on the top, shift back and forth.

“They shouldn’t make fun of you like that,” the visitor says. “It’s mean.”

Levi shrugs.

“They’re mean, so you can play with me,” the visitor declares triumphantly. Levi looks up, sees blonde hair and a unicorn patterned dress and frowns.

“I only like to play soldiers.”

“I like to play soldiers too!” the visitor exclaims, voice shrill with excitement. Before Levi can say no the visitor is reaching for his hand, tugging him up and out from under the slide.

“Can I be the General? Or wait no, a Commander! What’s your name?” the other kid says in a steady stream, words running together in the buzz of enthusiasm. Levi’s eyes widen, caught between intense suspicion and nearly overwhelming happiness. Hardly anyone’s paid him any attention since the man from the government dropped him off at his uncle’s house in Indiana.

“I’m Levi,” he says.

“Levi,” the other kid repeats, “Would you like to be my Captain?”

Growing up in small town Idaho is boring, as far as Levi’s concerned. Not that he’s ever known anywhere else, not since he was taken to Kenny when he was 6, but he’s convinced the town only exists because there’s a highway interchange nearby. During the week he goes to school, studies hard because he’s not really into the idea of stacking snowglobes in the tacky tourist shop downtown for the rest of his life. On the weekends he sits with Farlan and Isabel and Petra on the back steps of the library, smoking cigarettes and talking boys because Levi and Farlan are the only gay guys their town has ever known according to everyone.

It’s easy for Levi to recognize that something is different the second Isabel sits down at their regular table in the cafeteria, a couple months after school started. He doesn’t even have time to wonder what’s up because Isabel’s launched into a full blown explanation before her tray has even hit the table.

“There’s a new kid in my art class, came from New York City, draws so good and-”

“She almost makes me wish I was straight,” Farlan drawls, setting his tray down next to Isabel.

“He,” Petra enunciates, putting a dark red lunch box down next to Levi.

“Huh?” Levi grunts around a mouthful of cheese sandwich. He swats Isabel’s hand away as she tries to steal the cookie off his tray, ignoring her disappointed whine. Junior year sucks but at least it means that Isabel finally gets to be in high school with him, even if she’s always trying to steal his dessert.

“He,” Petra repeats, “Is in my psychology class. His name is Erwin and the teacher read off his, you know, old name and…” she trails off and everyone at the table gives her their own look of confused silence. Blush rises on her cheeks, quick as always. “He’s, you know-”

“There she is!” Isabel yells, pointing at the far door to the cafeteria.

“He,” Petra sighs in exasperation but everyone’s eyes are on Erwin.

Levi thinks maybe he knows Erwin from somewhere but that thought flies out the window before it can gain any traction because damn. Farlan is right. Erwin is tall and blonde and well dressed compared to most of the pajama clad teens dotting the tables. He’s wearing a green and black button down that shows off toned arms that Levi wants around him, jeans that hug his ass in all the right ways and Levi wants to sink down to his knees and nuzzle his face into that dark denim, undo the zipper and-- and do what? He’s never liked anyone with a-

“Who saddled the poor sucker with Armin?” Farlan asks, interrupting his train of thought. No one gets the chance to answer because, from the corner they’ve all affectionately titled Douche Land, some guy in basketball shorts and a bro tank yells,

“Hey fag!”

Armin freezes, eyes wide and Erwin stops too, looking calm but not sure where else to go. Everyone at his table turns to look at Levi.

“Yeah, I got it,” he grumbles, wrapping his sandwich back up haphazardly before standing. “Fucking basketball shorts,” he mutters as he makes his way over, “It’s fucking October.”

The cafeteria is the quietest Levi’s ever heard it in the three years he’s been having lunch there. Their town is a sleepy one,  after all, tucked away in the middle of some farm lands. Someone has their phone out and Levi rolls his eyes at the thought that this will all probably be on Instagram before 5th period starts.

“You think you’re a guy?” Basketball Shorts asks, approaching Armin and Erwin with a group of his clones backing him up.

“I am a guy,” Erwin says. It sounds like something he’s had to remind people a thousand times and Levi thinks that’s pretty fucked up.

“That’s a shame,” one of the cronies shouts from the back of the group. “I bet you’re real slutty when you spread those legs-”

“Alright, back the fuck off,” Levi demands, shoving his way in between Basketball Shorts and the other two. That Instagram won’t have anything to show besides him beating up some dudebros, he’ll make sure of that.

“Oh no,” Basketball Shorts fake whines, “Head fag here to protect his fag babies?”

The other boys howl in laughter.

“Okay, Chad-” Levi says.

“My name is-”

“I don’t give a flying fuck what your name is,” Levi interrupts. “Why don’t you take your butt buddies back to your little corner and compare gains or some shit.”

“You think I’m scared of you?” Shorts asks, moving towards Levi until their chests touch. “You think I’m scared of some little cock sucker like you?”

“I knew you were dumb,” Levi says, pushing right back.  “But even an animal can remember an ass beating.”

Shorts pauses, clearly remembering the last time he decided to mess with Levi. A second’s hesitation, a hush among his cronies, and it’s just enough for Levi seize onto. He pushes Shorts hard.

“Fuck off,” he snarls. The lunchroom roars and Levi turns away with the satisfaction that he’ll be the subject of any posts tonight, not Erwin or Armin. Isabel and Farlan might be the loudest of them all, chanting Levi’s name and pounding the table until they spot one of the lunch ladies coming out from behind the counter to tell them all to shut up. Levi sees her severe frown and decides he should probably get back to his sandwich.

“Oh my gosh.” Armin pants falling into step behind Levi. “Oh my gosh, thank you so much. I don’t know what I would’ve done. Thank you, they’re just so-”

“Do you want to eat with us?” Levi interrupts, saving Armin from his own frantic rambling.

“No, no, um, thank you but I’ve got-” he nods towards another table and Levi recognizes the doctor’s son, the one always getting into fights, and his adopted sister, probably the only Asian kid in the entire county.

“Knock yourself out,” he says as Armin bustles away. He turns to look at Erwin, still rooted to his spot. “You coming?”

Erwin smiles and it looks so familiar. It looks like home.

“So, Levi,” Farlan says, poking his head between the driver and passenger seats, “Are you more of a driving gay or a cooking gay?”

It’s the Thursday before Thanksgiving break and Levi’s driving Farlan and Isabel home before he drives Erwin to his first meeting of a transgender support group. Over the past month Erwin has eaten with them everyday and it makes Levi ache in a way he’s not familiar with, with a nostalgia he can’t place because even though he’s sure he’s seen Erwin somewhere before, that just doesn’t make sense. Levi knows he’d sure as hell remember meeting a trans guy in their town.

Levi buries his feelings of longing by telling himself that plenty of people hold their shoulders that way, furrow their brows like Erwin does. Plus, the timeline wouldn’t make any sense either. Erwin’s parents are divorced so he grew up with his dad in New York City. He’s only moved here to Idaho because his dad took an assignment abroad and wanted Erwin to stay in the US with his mom.

“See Levi here,” Farlan says, poking Levi on the face and getting a stop that shit in return. “Is the driving gay. Got this lovely hunk of shit when his uncle’s boyfriend Uri died. Now he’s basically my chauffeur-”

“You fucking wish.”

“-except a lot more annoying.”

Erwin shakes his head, laughing. “I like to cook.”

Farlan hums. “Seem like you two will be the perfect couple then.”

Levi covers a choke with a cough and he’s surprised he doesn’t swerve off the road. He thinks about all the incognito windows he’s been using lately, the books he’s checked out from the library in the next town over under a fake name, the calculus test he did shit on because he’s been reading advice blogs and watching trans guys on YouTube, been trying to figure what the fuck he’s feeling because he was basically sure about being gay.

“What can you cook?” Isabel says, poking her head up next to Farlan’s.

“Both of you, sit back and put your seatbelts on,” Levi snaps.

“Can you make lasagna?”

“Three different kinds,” Erwin says, conspiratorial. Levi jerks his car the shoulder and throws it into park with a sudden lurch.

“Alright, this is your stop,” he says. He needs them out of the car, needs some goddamn peace and quiet, anything to stop the you two will make a perfect couple buzzing in his head.

“But Levi,” Farlan whines, “It’ll take us like an hour to walk home from here.”

“Then you better get going,” Levi says. The others grumble and slam the doors as they leave and Levi regrets kicking them out the second he peels away from the curb. He had no idea that being alone with Erwin would be so much worse, make him ache so deeply for something he’s sure he never had in the past, for something he’s sure he can’t have in the future.

They spend the rest of the ride in almost complete silence and Levi’s head drums to the beat of you two will make a perfect couple. Erwin twists and untwists his fingers in his lap and Levi knows what must be under the seam of his khakis so he tries his best to drown out the banging with his own mantra of I’m gay, I’m gay.

“Google says it’s right up here.” Erwin finally points to a house turned storefront with a huge rainbow flag.

“Pretty inconspicuous, huh-”

“I’d cook for you,” Erwin says in a rush. “If you wanted me to.”

Levi slows the car down, pulling into a parking space a half block down. Out front, there are some other people their age, some milling around the lawn, others rushing inside or greeting friends with excitement. He’d never met any other people like Erwin but he guesses that some of them look so- so normal, that he’d never really be able to tell. Levi watches them and he can’t seem to find any words through the pounding rhythm of his thoughts, wouldn’t be able to force them out around the depth of his aching anyway.

“I’ll, um, see you at school tomorrow then,” Erwin says. He unbuckles his seatbelt and opens the door before Levi finally blurts out,

“I’d like that.”

Erwin pauses, frozen halfway out of the car.

“I mean that I’d-” Levi interrupts himself with a sigh, runs his hand through his hair. “I’d like it if you cooked for me.”

“Alright.” Erwin beams. “I’ll text you then?”

“Yeah, and um.” Levi gestures vaguely at the house. “Good luck or whatever.”

Erwin nods with a quick thanks and just like that he’s running to greet complete strangers like they’ve been friends for years. Levi watches him for a second before pulling back onto the road. He spends the whole drive home wondering why he can’t stop thinking about the girl he used to play soldiers with when he hasn’t thought of her in years.

A couple weeks later, Farlan texts Levi on a Friday after school, saying Isabel’s cousin’s neighbor offered to buy them some beers.

If u get Petra to go on a date with him, the text reads. Levi doesn’t see the text until hours later since he’s been stacking cans at the grocery store since school ended. He rolls his eyes the second he sees it.

Petra hates Oluo, he sends. He pockets his phone, ashing his cigarette in the 10 gallon bucket the manager leaves outside the service entrance. It vibrates again almost immediately.

Yeah but he doesn’t know that.

Levi huffs a laugh, sends back a quick fine as long as you keep the vultures out, remembering the time some jackass’s from the next town over decided to crash Isabel’s birthday party and got so rowdy the neighbors called the cops.

It's sometime after 1am after he finally pulls up to the house. There's some new shift manager working Friday nights and who kept him almost an hour after the Target closed because he couldn't understand how to close out a fucking register.

He knows there's something wrong when he has to park almost a quarter mile way and it only gets worse as he walks up. There's people out on the lawn, for Christ’s sake.

“Fucking vultures,” he mutters to himself, crushing his cigarette butt beneath his foot. “Farlan!” he yells, as he approaches the house, pushing strangers. “Fuck outta my way. Farlan!”

“Hey, Levi,” Farlan drawls, slinking out of a wobbly group to throw an arm around Levi's shoulder. He’s blasted but apparently everyone else is too.

“What the fuck, Farlan,” Levi hisses. “I said no vultures.

“It’s just a few friends!”

“Where’s Kenny? He’s gonna beat the shit out of us.”

Farlan waves his hand vaguely. “Psh, he went to the bar. Don’t worry, Levi, have a drink, you need to relax.”

Levi bristles. He thinks about all the creative ways he's going to get back at Farlan for this but then he remembers who's farlan is as a person, constantly stressed and unable to say no, and decides that he should have known this would have happened.

“Farlan-” he sighs.

“Levi!” It’s Erwin, standing on the front porch, looking pretty lucid but his hair is mussed and there’s blush high on his cheeks and it does things to Levi’s blood flow. He waves and Erwin rushes over, stumbling just a little bit, and pulls Levi into a hug. Levi wonders if he imagined Erwin sighing into his shoulder.

Something about Erwin’s familiarity, his easy affection and the way he just seems to know Levi, loosens something in Levi's chest and the night goes better from there on out. Kenny really is at a bar, hasn't been back much in days as far as Levi knows, but he still feels weird drinking when there’s so many opportunities for strangers to destroy the few shoddy possessions him, Kenny, Farlan, and Isabel have so he stays sober and he's surprised that he actually has fun.

Isabel makes a toast, To the best big brother!, before she does a tequila shot with Erwin. Farlan accumulates a small audience of swooning girls as he describes in lurid detail the brief and tumultuous romance he had with some boy the summer social services caught up to them and sent him to some foster home near Boise. He carefully leaves out the fact that their “romance” only entailed Farlan giving some man almost twice his age a quick blowjob in a TJ Maxx bathroom but Levi isn’t going to ruin his fun. Even Erwin seems to be enjoying himself, slipping upstairs with some boy Levi’s never seen before. The sight tangles Levi’s stomach in knots and he feels sick at the thought of someone else tumbling into Levi’s bed with Erwin, of someone else’s fingers in Erwin’s hair, someone else’s lips on Erwin’s or someone else stroking Erwin’s neck and collarbones, someone else pulling off his binder and licking his nipples or pulling down his boxers and-.

Levi’s surprised to find that for the first time he’s so turned on, so fucking into the idea of Erwin as a friend and maybe as a lot more, that he doesn’t give a fuck what’s under Erwin’s boxers.

“Shit,” he mumbles, standing and quickly making his way upstairs to the bathroom, ignoring Petra’s calls of what’s wrong. He’s not sure if he needs a second to quietly freak out or to jack off but either way he needs privacy now.

The bathroom is quieter. He can still hear the sounds of chatter and music from downstairs but even at a distance it still thrums too loudly for him to want to return. Something about being with Erwin, about knowing and being known, makes things that are normally too shitty a lot more tolerable. But without Erwin, Levi can only think to sit on the toilet seat and wait until someone kicks him out of decides to piss in the hallway.

He’s still sitting on the toilet seat with his head in his hands when he hears the voices coming from Levi and Farlan’s shared bedroom.

“Hey, um,” the voice says. Someone else replies but the voice is too low of a rumble and Levi can't make out the words.

“No,” the original voice says. “I think I’m gonna head back downstairs now.”

It’s Erwin.

“Come on, you made me so hard, don’t be a tease-”

Levi knows what happens in moments like these. He knows what fucks do when they say shit like that. But not in his house. Not if he has any fucking say in it.

He throws his bedroom door open before he's even realized that he's left the bathroom. “Get the fuck off him,” he growls.

Erwin’s sitting on Farlan’s bed, a greasy looking fuck wearing jeans and a John Deere tee shirt standing between his legs. John Deere looks at Levi, then at where he’s crushing Erwin’s wrists, then laughs.

“Him?” John Deere says. “I guess she’s kinda ugly but he-?”

Levi lunges across the small length of his room, grabbing John Deere by the collar and throwing him up against the wall of their small room with such force it rips the Depeche Mode poster behind him. Not in his house.

“You’re gonna get the fuck out, right now,” Levi snarls.

“Who the fuck-?”

Levi throws a punch that connects directly with his cheekbone. John Deere howls.

“And if I ever see you anywhere,” he shakes the boy for emphasis, “Near me or any of my friends ever again, you’ll fucking regret it.”

Levi throws the boy towards the door with a hard shove and he waits for the scrambling footsteps down the stairs but he let go of that tension, that desire to hurt. He runs a hand through his hair, letting out a deep sigh, but he doesn’t really return to his body until he hears Erwin sniff.

“Shit,” he mutters. “Erwin are you okay?” The other boy is still sitting on the bed, head in his hands like Levi just moments ago and suddenly Levi feels wrong for ever having the thoughts that drove him to the bathroom in the first place.

Erwin shakes his head, mumbles “I’m fine,” between his fingers.

“Erwin, did he hurt you?” Levi asks. It's hard to keep his voice steady. He's so afraid that his knees will buckle that he sits down next to Erwin. Erwin just keeps shaking his head. “I need to know, did he-?”

“Yes!” Erwin rasps shoving his wrist in Levi’s face, narrowly missing his nose, so he can see the red finger-shaped welts forming on the skin. “Yes, he hurt me. But not like that, okay?”

Just as quickly he collapses. He curls into a heap in Levi’s lap. He’s mumbling something but it's so distorted by sobs Levi can only catch tidbits- something about his mom and his dad and missing New York and wanting to be a guy, a real guy, like Levi and Levi himself isn’t sure what to say so he runs his fingers through Erwin’s hair and shushes him with whatever comes to mind.

“It’s okay,” he mumbles though his thoughts are far away, swirling around the kind smiles that Erwin gives him, the one that's so personal and too familiar, the time he didn’t get there quick enough to help Isabel, the nighttime skyline of New York. “I know you and you’re more real than any asshole like that, okay? You’re handsome and you’re smart and-”

“I think I’m gonna vomit,” Erwin interrupts. His voice is heavy with tequila shots and tears. Levi ushers him downstairs and outside but they’re not quick enough and he falls to his hands and knees and empties the contents of his stomach on Levi’s front porch. The few other’s outside all yell a cheer of Oh!. Erwin groans.

“Come on, I’m gonna take you home,” Levi says, trying to coax Erwin to standing.

Erwin groans again. “No, no home.”

“You need to sleep this off okay,” Levi says.

“No home,” Erwin repeats. Levi pulls him up to standing and starts to guide him to the car. “No!” Erwin yells, breaking free of Levi’s grip and stumbling back to the house.

“Fine, just stop!” Levi shouts back. “Where do you want to go then?”

Levi’s convinced that Denny’s at 3am is a liminal space. Something about the empty dining room, the fluorescent lights, and the 80’s pop music makes Levi think they’re not really on earth anymore. But all in all, it wasn’t a bad choice; after a few glasses of water, a plate of fried eggs and toast, and a cup of black coffee that he stole from Levi, Erwin finally seems to be perking up.

“My mom made me stop T,” he says. He takes a piece of french toast from Levi and uses it to mop up the egg yolk on his plate.

“What?”

Erwin is a talkative drunk, that’s for sure. He washes down his eggy French toast with a long drink of ice water then repeats himself. It’s the first substantial thing Levi has ever said about his mom even though they’ve known each other months

“Yeah, I heard you but,” Levi pauses but decides that 3am isn’t a time for diplomacy. “But why the fuck would she do that?”

Erwin shrugs. “She keeps saying she’ll take me back to the doctor to get a refill but…” he shrugs again. “She used to say that I was too young to know what I wanted to do with my body permanently but I was living with my dad so he let me go on T for almost 7 months before I moved but I haven’t had any since and now my period started again,” Erwin waves with his water glass. Tears fill his eyes. “And that’s probably why I got so messed up that I let that-”

“Hey,” Levi cuts Erwin off, putting a hand on top his. He expects the touch to bring back the memories from the bathroom but instead all he feels is the intense need to comfort. “It’s not your fault. None of it is.”

Erwin shrugs yet again but turns his hand to hold Levi’s.

“Can’t your dad help?”

“There’s only so much he can do without my mom,” Erwin says miserably. “He was helping me get my legal name changed. I could go to school as Erwin and apply to college as Erwin but my mom stopped him. She wouldn’t sign the paperwork and you need both parents to sign if you’re under 18.”

Levi squeezes his hand in reassurance. Erwin takes a shuddering breath, his eyes tracing the speckled linoleum table top like he's counting stars. He says, like it's a bone deep truth,

“She's right to hate me. I took a lot away from her.”

He's wrong and Levi knows it. But he also knows that a drunken argument at Denny's won't do anything to take away that hurt. Levi moves his hand up to Erwin’s wrist, rubs his thumb over the already forming bruises, and knows that as long as Erwin will let him, he’ll never let go.

Erwin takes his other hand and puts it on top of Levi’s.

“Stay at my house tonight.”

Erwin nods. He stays.

Levi thinks that Erwin wants things to be awkward between them after that disastrous party but Levi won’t let it be. He drove them back to Kenny’s house while Erwin slept against the window before piling them into bed, making sure Erwin took off his binder before sleeping. They spooned to fit on Levi’s twin sized mattress and pointedly ignored Farlan’s knowing looks the next morning. Erwin says he got in a bit of trouble for staying out way past curfew but whatever the punishment he doesn’t really seem to care.

“Nothing I don't deserve,” Erwin says when Levi asks. His guilt seems seems so old Levi’s swears he remembers it from long before they even met.

After that, Erwin doesn’t get drunk again but the touching doesn’t stop anyway. They snuggle on the couch as they read books for school and for fun, hold each other during movies, casual touches during class or at lunch. Levi thinks a lot about asking Erwin to be his boyfriend.

On a Saturday after New Year’s Day, the weekend before school starts back up, Levi wakes up to a text from Erwin, asking him if he wants to come over later so Erwin can make dinner. It’s late in the day, already past noon, and the text brings back dreams from the night before- the sight of soft flesh and flushed cheeks, the sounds of his and Erwin’s pleasure, the stiffness he woke up with between his legs. He blushes hard, glad he’s alone, and sends Erwin a text asking when?. He makes sure he can still hear the sounds of Farlan and Isabel yelling at Fortnite downstairs before he reaches into his boxers and thinks of Erwin.

The sun is already dipping behind the horizon when Levi rings the doorbell to Erwin’s house. He pulls his jacket tighter to him as he waits. It’s new-ish, as far as his clothes go, but he hates the cold no matter what he’s wearing and something about the sun going down before 5pm just seems wrong.

It feels like he’s been shivering on the whitewashed porch forever by the time a tall blonde woman swings open the door. “Oh, you must be Grace’s friend!” She exclaims. Levi stares at her in confusion, checks the house number next again, then looks back at her. She looks a lot like Erwin, he must be in the right place, but who the fuck is Grace?

“I’ve got it, mom,” Erwin says as he trots up, pushing in front of his mom.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she says, putting a hand on Erwin’s head. He’s almost her height and fuck they’re both giants. “I meant you must be Erwin’s friend. Levi, right? I’m Jennifer.”

Levi shakes her hand, dazed.

Jennifer steps aside to let him into the house. Even the entryway is nice, looks new and clean. It makes Levi tugs at the hem of his polo shirt, the green one Kenny had bought for him last winter, the one and only time they drove to the city for temple. He almost wishes he’d tucked it in to hide the hole he’d accidentally burnt with a cigarette near the bottom.

“Erwin’s been in the kitchen all day, I’m so excited to see what she’s cooked up,” Jennifer says over her shoulder as she pads barefoot down the carpet hallway. Erwin stays rooted to his place, eyes glassy. Levi stays with him.

“Mom,” he mutters. “Can you go check on the oven please?”

“Of course” She exclaims. “I’ll just leave you two alone.”

Erwin groans as soon as she’s turned the corner.

“It’s fine,” Levi says immediately. “I know who you are, okay?”

“I know,” Erwin says. He draws Levi into a hug, arms around each others’ waists. Levi rests his head on Erwin’s chest instinctively. “Levi, I-”

“Erwin!” his mom calls from the kitchen. “The timer just went off, should I take them out?”

“No, don’t touch it, I’ll be right there!” Erwin shouts back, untangling their arms. He places a kiss on Levi’s head almost as an afterthought. Levi feels blush rise to his cheeks.

“I, um,” Erwin says, clearing his throat. “I hope you like spinach souffle.”

Levi stammers out a quick I’ve never had souffle but he can still feel those lips on his forehead and those arms around his waist, and the burn of such easy, tender affection makes him slack jawed and still.

When he finally follows the sounds of the others to the dining room, Levi’s finds his spot set with a placemat. A placemat. Levi’s not even sure if he’s ever seen one that’s not paper and decorated with the Chinese Zodiac. Erwin pulls out the chair for Levi, and Levi sits with a murmur of holy shit, both their faces flushed with deep blush.

“This looks good” Levi says as Erwin serves him on a plate garnished with parsley. He's even decorate the table with a couple small candles a bouquet of flowers Levi can’t name.

As they eat, they share a comfortable back and forth as they catch up on the details of their breaks. Erwin asks about Farlan and Isabel and Hanukkah before Levi has to explain he actually celebrates Christmas and it was good, he got a stuffed koala from Isabel and a watch from Farlan. Levi asks about the dinner Erwin had with his gender support group for people who don’t have families to celebrate the holidays with, about Erwin’s trip to visit his best friend Mike in New York. Erwin smiles so brightly it warms the cool wintery room.

“So, Levi,” Jennifer says the second there’s a lull in the conversation. “You go to school with Grace?”

Erwin tenses up instantly and Levi wonders what it would be like to be so thoroughly shut out of his life, to have to watch someone so incredible from a distance. He would almost feel bad if she hadn’t done this to herself.

Levi crosses his arms across his chest. “Yeah, I’m in Erwin’s grade.”

“Oh, I meant-”

“May we be excused?” Erwin interrupts. His chair scrapes across the floor as he stands and his eyes widen at the sound.

“Of course, sweetie,” Jennifer says with a barbed smile. “You’re the host.” But he’s already out of the room. Levi glances at her quickly before he follows Erwin back to the kitchen.

Erwin is dipping a mixing bowl into the sink’s soapy water gingerly, and though Erwin is turned away from him, Levi can see grief etched into the slump of his shoulders.

“Erwin,” Levi says. He says nothing, and halfassedly sponges at a cutting board with a deep sigh. “Erwin,” he repeats.

“I’m sorry.” He finally turns to look at Levi. There are tears in his eyes but they cannot hide the devotion that Levi himself feels too. Levi thinks about the shame Erwin always tries his best to hide when someone calls him a girl, thinks about enduring that every time he’s home, and realizes that no matter how shitty things can be with Kenny, it could probably never be that bad.

“I’m sorry, I just-” Erwin cuts himself off with a sigh.

“I know you,” Levi whispers from across the kitchen.

Erwin leans limply against the countertop and put his head in his hands. “No you don’t,” he mutters.

“I know you,” he repeats. He goes to the counter and grabs Erwin’s hand, but with Erwin hurting it’s still not enough to reassure Levi that he’s whole. He pulls Erwin in so close their hips are flush.

“I know you too,” Erwin says. The words lodge themselves firmly in Levi’s throat and he leans further into the touch, presses his cheek to Erwin’s chest. His skin feels flushed even through his button down.

“I mean, uh.” Levi can feel Erwin shift on his feet. “I really do know you. My family lived here together until I started third grade.”

He’s about to protest because he doesn’t remember but then he does-- the little blonde kid who came to find him under the slide, who protected him from bullies for a couple years, who’s been on his mind almost a decade later for seemingly no reason. The kind smiles and furrowed brow and eyes that spoke of guilt for things not yet done, for things that should hold no guilt in the first place. The only kid who would play with him. His friend. His Commander. “Grace,” he whispers breathily. “You were that Grace?”

Erwin smirks and shrugs. “I know you know all about-” Erwin gestures vaguely at himself. “But it’s still weird that you used to think I was a girl.”

“Erwin, I-” Levi stutters. For a second Erwin face falls into disappointment and Levi hates that, hates that Erwin could ever think-.

He pushes his lips against Erwin’s in haste. It’s graceless and clumsy and a little too forcefulbut pressed up against Erwin he feels breathless with joy.

“All of you,” he pants against Erwin’s lips. “I want to know all of you, Erwin, because I-”

Erwin kisses him and fuck. Erwin knows him, knows all the things that Levi can’t say. His kisses are shy and gentle but full of such sincerity it’s like he’s teaching Levi secrets.

Erwin pulls away and they both gasp in time with the drip-drop of the leaky kitchen sink.

“Me too,” he breathes. “Me too.”

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

Writing Commission - Where I Want To Be - Chapter Eight

Summary: Yamada Hizashi, better known as the Voice Hero Present Mic, is a busy man. He has classes and students to teach English to, an agency that always seemed to be in the middle of a disaster to help deal with, and a radio station that was one bad show away from being cancelled to run. He doesn’t have time for a bad day triggered by nightmares and fears and anxieties that just never seem to stop.

Luckily for him, his partners are Aizawa Shouta and Yagi Toshinori and neither of those two are very good at leaving Hizashi to suffer alone.

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia    

Relationship: Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic/Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic/Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead/Yagi Toshinori | All Might

Characters: Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Yagi Toshinori | All Might

Rating: Teen Audiences

Word Count: 29,323

Transaction Amount: $200 (USD)

WARNINGS FOR: Past childhood abuse (both emotional and physical) and anxiety attacks verging on panic to PTSD episodes. Please read with caution if needed.

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                                       Chapter Index

           <<1>> <<2>> <<3>> <<4>> <<5>> <<6>> <<7>> <<8>> <<9>>

                                              ⁂

Hizashi took it back. He wasn’t fine, he had never been fine, and he would never be fine again because he worked with children who never listened to a goddamn word he said. No. He couldn’t even call the people he worked with children because he worked with actual children who were interns and they were more competent than what he was dealing with! 

Present Mic was known for his cheerful, upbeat personality and radio show. He was known for jokes, and laughter, and always having a story to share with someone. Yamada Hizashi, when he was at the radio station, however, was known for firm deadlines, good work ethic, and dealing with morons. 

“Explain this to me again.” Hizashi could feel Shouta’s rapidly growing amusement behind him, but he put it out of his mind as he stared down at two of his best sound engineers. One of them, Yamaguchi, was glaring at him and looking completely unrepentant and the other was shaking in his boots. That one might just live. “What do you mean when you say you lost twelve hours of pre-recorded footage.”

“I mean, sir, that we lost twelve hours of pre-recorded footage,” Yamaguchi, the one who would soon be either dead or fired, snapped at him. “In case you forgot, we had a power outage three days ago that left us using a lot of our back-up equipment which, in case you forgot, should have been taken to the dump years ago. We’re lucky we haven’t cut out during a live show before now.” Damn Yamaguchi and everything he stood for. 

“Exactly, the power outage was three days ago. We should be back up and running by this point! Why haven’t we had people in to repair the damage and switched back to the official equipment? Dammit, Yamaguchi, you’re supposed to keep this place from falling apart! That’s the reason you’re the head sound guy!”

Yamaguchi looked him dead in the eyes, not a hint of fear to be seen, “Yasui got to them before I could call in for repairs.” Oh, for fuck’s sake. “While you’re here, I’d like to hand in my resignation-”

“No. Your contract says lifetime for a reason.” Hizashi heard Shouta give a snort of laughter, but firmly tuned it out. “Go call for repairs and schedule them for early in the morning in case anything goes wrong -- and tell Yasui that the repairs are scheduled for the day after so she can’t get in and ‘help’ again.” 

“Yes, sir.” The words were bitter and resentful as all hell, Hizashi narrowing his eyes when the man turned to look at Shouta. “I still know a great divorce lawyer if you need one, Aizawa-san.” With that the bastard was escaping with his little minion before Hizashi could give in to the urge to kill him. 

Shouta, without even batting an eye, gave a shake of his head. “I don’t understand how you two work together when you both hate each other so damn much.” 

“We have an agreement,” Hizashi huffed, hand pushing his glasses up as he rubbed at his eyes for a long moment. His headache hadn’t turned back into a migraine like it had earlier in his agency, but it was still aching.

Shouta noticed, as he always did, squeezing Hizashi’s upper arm softly, “Talk to whoever you need to talk to, and I’ll go grab the papers you need from your office. When I get back, we’re going home.”

“It’s not that bad, anymore, Shouta,” Hizashi sighed, shaking his head. “Honestly, it’s mostly just a headache left, I’m fine.” The choking around his throat lessened and the sensation of leather straps was dulled down to just faint itching. He could talk as needed and in a few hours he knew it would be even better.

No. It really wasn’t that bad anymore, but… Hizashi also knew it still wasn’t good. His smiles never fooled Shouta, after all, and he still felt the memories and whispers clawing at the back of his mind, slipping in during the moments quiet faded for silence.

“If you would just be a little quieter then this never would have had to happen, Hizashi-chan. We told you what would happen, didn’t we?”

“You know we’re just doing what’s best for you and everyone else, don’t you? This is for your own good, Hizashi. We’re trying to keep you safe.” 

“A hero? Hizashi-chan, they’ll never let someone with a quirk like yours become a hero. You have a villain’s quirk, Hizashi-chan. You can’t change that.”

“If you so much as make one more sound-” 

“Hizashi.” Shouta shattered Hizashi’s silence just as he always did, giving him a soft look. “I’ll be back with what you need and then we’re going home. Okay?” 

“Yeah…” Because for as much as he loved the radio station, his office was soundproofed. There was nothing but silence for him there, and while he was physically much better than he had been, there was only so much longer he knew he would be able to stand the whispers. “Yeah, okay. Wouldn’t want to be late if Toshi is making dinner, after all.”

Shouta nodded, giving him a smile and a quick kiss before heading down another hallway, Hizashi watching him leave with a small sigh. He needed to get himself together. Everything he heard was all in the past and it no longer mattered. He was a pro-hero, teacher, and radio DJ who had far too much work to do to linger in the past. 

He still needed to deal with Yasui, now that Yamaguchi had brought it up, actually. Pursing his lips, Hizashi mumbled a soft, “Maybe I can just- Suzuki!” 

Cutting off his thoughts of throwing himself out a window, Hizashi threw himself towards the one, sweet, perfect intern he had in his hellhole of a life. She immediately dodged him and let him hit the wall, expression entirely unimpressed. Hizashi gave her a pout, sidling his way over towards her, “Aw, c’mon, Suzuki-chan, aren’t I your favorite hero?”

The dead look she gave him was far too adorable, truly. She then smiled and, as sweet as it was, Hizashi knew he was about to go through hell. He was right when she held out the clipboard she had been holding, “Alright, favorite hero. Maybe I can get your signature on all of these papers.” 

Hizashi sighed, taking the clipboard and starting to flip through the papers as they walked, wincing at a few of them. “Yeah… Yeah, saw this one coming- How bad is the damage this time?”

“We got another three complaints from parent-teacher groups and another petition making the rounds to get us shut down. It currently has five hundred signatures and started two days ago, so it hasn’t gained much traction. I took over your social media accounts again, though, so we have some positive attention of you interacting with a couple of celebrities and other heroes, some announcements for our new sponsors who haven’t given up on us yet, and also I posted some cat pictures.” 

Hizashi paused at the last one, looking back to Suzuki with a slowly forming frown. “You went through my messages with Shouta again, didn’t you?”

“He always takes the best cat pictures,” Suzuki shrugged, completely unrepentant in her lack of boundaries as she took out her phone and began pulling up multiple apps. “I know the bulk of our main stuff is at night, but we might want to consider adding in some new rotations during the day shows since break is coming up soon. Most of the demographic is high school age, so we’ll get a nice boost where they’ll be able to listen during the day as well as night.”

“This, Suzuki-chan, is why you’re my heir to this radio station,” Hizashi said solemnly, signing off on the last paper he needed to before handing her the clipboard back. “One day, you’ll inherit all of my stress and hatred and die of a heart attack before you reach the age of forty.” 

“Bold of you to assume I can ever die,” Suzuki said seriously, staring at him with the utmost seriousness. He was so glad he had made the kid his personal intern. “You look like shit, you know. Did you even sleep last night?”

“Bold of you to assume I ever sleep,” Hizashi shot back, ignoring the swat to his shoulder. “Just a long day, Suzuki-chan. I’ll be fine after I finish up here and head home.”

Suzuki gave a small huff, shaking her head with a grumble, “Honestly, just stay home next time you feel bad. The station isn’t going to fall apart if you’re gone for one day.” Hizashi stared at her, Suzuki not even flinching as her eyes narrowed. “Are you doubting my abilities to keep this place functional?” 

“Hey, now, I would never say that.” Mostly because, if he did, he knew Suzuki could and would kill him. “Any other disasters or fires that need to be put out before I’m forcibly dragged away by my well-meaning husband?” 

“Oh, Aizawa-san is here? Good. That means you’ll actually go home and get some rest, then.” Suzuki looked back down at her clipboard, flipping through some papers near the back. “Did Yamaguchi tell you about how I’m going to kill Yasui slowly and with great pleasure?”

“Something like that,” Hizashi snorted, shaking his head. “I already have Yamaguchi dealing with the situation. We should be back up and running like normal within the next day or two.”

Suzuki nodded, looking pleased. “Good. That means there’s no other disaster for you to deal with and you can go home and get some rest before you collapse.” With that Suzuki was striding away to no doubt deal with some other disaster, Hizashi giving a small smile that faded when he heard the whispers of memories stir in the back of his head. 

Before Hizashi could get lost in his hopelessness because the words just never stopped, he heard his phone go off with a quiet ding and vibrate against his side. He was tempted to ignore it because, knowing his luck, it was just more stress waiting for him. Another alert had him sighing and giving in, taking his phone out and pleasantly surprised when he saw it wasn’t stress, but messages from Toshinori. 

‘Do you have any preferences for dinner?’ ‘I’ve already started, but I’m happy to put something else on if there’s anything you specifically want.’ God, that man was so perfect. 

‘I’m good with whatever you want to make!’ Hizashi texted back, focused on words that were no longer clawing at the back of his mind. ‘Do I get a hint as to what you’re making for tonight?’

‘It’s a surprise!’ A couple of smiling emojis followed the words, Hizashi not even trying to resist the urge to take a screencap and send it to Nemuri. He never would have thought that All Might, the world’s Number One Hero, was such a lovable goof. ‘How is everything?’

‘We’re at the radio station now. My agency kicked me out to go get some rest and Shouta is grabbing some things from my office before we leave. If I stay any longer I think my sweet intern will kill me herself.’ 

This time there was a row of laughing emojis, Hizashi trying not to give a snort of laughter because, really, it was just so cute. He wasn’t even aware of how distracted he was texting and chatting with Toshinori until Shouta was nudging him to get moving, files clutched under an arm. “Is he overusing emojis again?” 

“I feel like, coming from you, that’s a bit hypocritical.” Hizashi sent one last text to Toshinori before tucking his phone away, accepting the files and sliding them into the bag at his side before Shouta was guiding him along towards the exit. 

Shouta responded with not much more than a hum before he was picking up on whatever he had been telling Hizashi before they had reached the radio station, his words constant and soft as he drowned out every other word in Hizashi’s head. 

Hizashi didn’t even try to stop himself as he squeezed Shouta’s hand as he was nudged and pulled along towards home, the low tone and familiar stories setting him more and more at ease. He had almost forgotten just how much help Shouta was when a bad day came around. It hadn’t even just been Shouta, either. 

While Shouta and Toshinori had been there and supporting him from the moment he woke up, Hizashi realized that everyone in his daily life had found some way to support him and help him out. 

The students at U.A. had noticed how off he was and had worried and fretted over him while trying to be well-behaved and helpful. Shinsou had talked to him in sign language for the whole of his lesson in order to distract him and give him a chance to stop pushing himself. Nemuri had fawned and worried in her own way over lunch, sending him pictures that she knew would cheer him up. 

Hell, even his friends at his agency had been quick to notice something was wrong and tried to help out and make things easier on him. Shima had even got him sent home because she knew, better than he did at least, when he had reached his limits. Even Suzuki had been quick to see that he wasn’t at his best and had done her own form of worrying and sending him home. 

And Hizashi knew his bad days wouldn’t just go away even with all the love and support in his life. He had been having them for decades and he knew he would have them for decades more. He doubted there would ever be a time where he forgot the words carved into him along with the scars that traced his jaw. While it wasn’t okay, it was… bearable. 

It would never be okay, but he would be okay, because he had friends and family who were with him every step of the way and hadn’t once given up on him. He was- “And just what are you thinking about so heavily over there?” 

Blinking at Shouta’s words, Hizashi stared at him for a moment before reaching over to kiss the man’s cheek, enjoying the small smile it earned him. “Me? Not much.” He would be okay. He had a lot of family in his life to keep him going, after all. “Just thinking about what a good day I’m having.”

It wasn’t okay, what he had gone through and what he still went through, but he would be okay. That, at least, was something he knew with absolute certainty. 

[tessatechaitea]

New Titans #103

Tumblr is definitely going to flag this as adult content.

Marv Wolfman predicted Twitter

Just when you thought the Teen Titans had run out of relatives to attack them, Rita Farr shows up with the Brotherhood of Evil to disrupt the Titans' mind probe of Cyborg. During the fight, Terra finds time to remind Gar that she loves him because this comic book is ultimately a teen drama. It definitely isn't a super-hero comic book because the Titans never save anybody. It's simply a metaphor for being a teenager in nowhere near the same way Buffy the Vampire Slayer was. I mean, Buffy was as well but it was done competently which is why this is nothing like Buffy. Wolfman only knew that to be a successful teen drama, you need young people crippled by crushes, engaging in sex, and fighting with their parents. That's this entire series in a nutshell. I once wrote a teen drama and here it is:

Canada Junior High

The fat kid ran up to the hot girl on his first day of Canadian School but not because he was hoping to become a man but because it was his sister. "Hey sis! We're going to Canada School together now!" bothered the fat kid. His name was Fatkid. "Don't talk to me, you mopface!" screamed his sister completely irrationally just like a junior high school girl would act. Even in Canadia which just goes to show that communism isn't any better than whatever America has because teenage girls are mean and nasty everywhere. Especially to their mothers and fat brothers. "But Sis! We need to stick together because our parents don't live in the same house and neither do we for some reason that isn't because our dad is a fish but some other reason. I think it is because he likes jokes and whoopee cushions. And chicks old enough to get married and do it don't like those things," expostulated Fatkid to Sis (that was her name in case you didn't catch that). "I don't care! You're making me unpopular! Go bug someone who isn't me, you mopface!" re-emphasized Sis who immediately went into the bathroom to change into her popular clothes. That means she made herself look like a whore. While she did that, Fatkid went and got himself locked in a broom closet by Jacob Jacoby, the shortest kid ever to go to Canada School. "Ha ha! That mopface sure fell for the old get yourself locked in the closet routine!" high-fived Jacob to Lizard and Spokes who were off to write one song for their band and play it every episode for the next five years. "I think I'm a lesbian!" dreamed Spacelin during the big slumber party. Unless she had a medickal seizure instead. Either way it doesn't matter since both things probably make for good character development. After that, Lucky did some shoplifting with that one girl who never returns after Christmas Break (unless it is called Boxing Day Break in Canada School). And then the cool girl got pregnant at a party just like all the cool girls do. You can tell she's the cool girl because she has hair that can put ten people's eyes out all at once. Then some foreign exchange student named Doctor Somebody saved the world from inside a phone booth and some people asked for money while other people answered phones. That was weird but it's probably important to the story so if you're an editor, don't even think about taking it out. I think there were some really scary puppets who only ate vegetable soup looking for treasure while riding in a hot air balloon too but I don't like to think about that because it gives me the creeps and this isn't a scary story; it's a coming of age story! Oh yeah! I forgot to mention that Fatkid was rescued from the broom closet by the Asian kid, Bob. Bob and Fatkid become really good friends and enjoy a good flashback in the cafeteria to get everyone caught up on all of their shenanigans like the time they cheated on the male enhancement test and the time they had to do oral reports on cheap pottery. Then the twins ran around pretending to be each other but you could always tell which was which by the gross plaque that Prude had on her teeth and Skank didn't. It's really disgusting and I think that paints a pretty good portrait of them so I'll move on to the big dance finale! At the big graduation dance, the school caught fire and burned down. Unless it was destroyed by a giant snake instead. It was very exciting and initiated a new phase in all of their lives.

The End!

Rita and the Brotherhood of Evil wind up being blobby light creatures from a technological world creatively called Technis. They kidnap Cyborg because he's some kind of human/machine interface and they need him to wipe out a virus infecting their sister Zavior. One of the Technites has second thoughts about the kidnapping and remains behind to help the Titans travel to Technis for a four issue story arc that is going to completely suck. Meanwhile, Pantha continues to suffer the worst existential crisis in the history of sentient beings: is she a cat that became human or a human that became a cat?! My guess is she's a cat that became a human because she's too stupid to realize that, being created by Project Hybrid, her issue should be "Am I the offspring of a cat that fucked a human or a human that fucked a cat?!" Oh wait. That's the same thing. Anyway, Pantha should buy a dictionary. New Titans #103 Rating: Boring. It was a Cyborg issue! And the only thing more boring than a Cyborg story is a Cyborg story where he isn't brain dead. So this Cyborg story was actually a bit better than the usual ones. Plus Pantha freaking out about not knowing if she's a cat or a human was lamer drama than that found in any episode of CW's Arrow. P.S. The Letters Page! Ingrid Nuernberg substantiates my claim that Titans is nothing but a melodrama when she writes, "The current story arc is better than any soap opera." But she isn't criticizing the comic book! She's actually praising it! Weirdo. All of the letters were in regard to Issue #100 and not one of them mentioned the rape of Starfire by Raven. Although Johnathan Mark Campa of Glendale, California, had this to say, "...the lip-lock between Raven and Kory (HOT STUFF)...". I feel you, Johnathan! I hate when comic book artists draw the women so hot that you don't realize something terrible is happening in the story! How am I supposed to know I should feel shocked and horrified when I have a boner stirring in my pants?! You know how many dead heroes I've jerked off to?! Stupid artists! Make terrible things look terrible so I stop acting terribly!

[thewrongesttrousers]

11 Questions

Tagged by @pidgeonlance Keep meaning to actually finishing one of these without getting distracted by work or something!

Rules:

1. Always post the rules

2. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you

3. Write 11 questions of your own (It’s gonna be a mix of these and my own)

4. Tag 11 people you want to get to know better (or however many you want)

----

1. How many OTPs do you have and why did you start shipping them?

I don’t really have any OTPs, maybe a few but it’s only really like a couple because sometimes I like seeing things kinda swing that way. Also the big ones are more related to something a friend is working on! (@futched dis is u!)

2. What kind of music did you jam out to when you were 13? Do you still like/listen to it?

Oh gosh this is embarrassing in a way. Like half of it kept and the other half is something I kinda look fondly back on for being so goofy. I listened to a LOT of Sonic Adventure 2 Battle music for an awkward period of time. Just something about it had that energy, man! Good times and wow Sonic is so cool! And then I learned I just really played that game for the Chao Garden and everything else kinda fell apart.

3. What style of art turns you on the most?

That’s a very particular question! One I hadn’t considered. A style of art that turns me on...

I can’t say a specific style does that for me. Like I am inspired by unique styles. As for specifically lewd or otherwise, I do appreciate the softer styles. Makes it just look pleasant and welcoming!

4. Autumn or Winter?

Autumn. I don’t get any snow out here in California so actually having some semblance of an Autumn is actually really nice. It’s actually cold for a period of time!

5. Is there anyone in real life you absolutely hate? (If you say yourself I will punch you)

Oh absolutely. In terms of people that I, personally know? I can’t say I do. I’m annoyed and/or disappointed at worst. No one’s really done purely despicable acts around me.

6. What was your first fandom?

I was heavily in the Diablo II community back in my teen years. Never made any fanart or looked up anything like that at that time. Just played the game and tried to parse how the hell trading values worked when being barely introduced to runes in the expansion.

As for a fandom I actually created art in? Probably MLP. Was only there for a couple years early in. I was in a pretty dark chapter of my life and hey this cute show is okay to watch (despite the darker parts of the fandom). Then it sorta spiraled from there. It’s why I made a deviant art account (CHECK IT HERE) and made some abstract fanworks and delved deep into requests. (I really should’ve made them commissions but I had so many self-doubts.) I met quite a few people that are still so important to me today thanks to my time there even after all of us parted ways with that fandom.

7. Favorite basic shape?

Square, like a box. (Oh yeah? Well there’s a prize inside...!)

8. What was your childhood video game? Favorite video game? (If none, childhood book/favorite book you beautiful literate nerd)

100% Out of this World (or Another World). As for my favorite video game? Woof. That’s a really tough call. 3 games come to mind. I might go with Dark Souls since that game completely and finally opened me up to actually learning the systems of a game. Demon’s Souls started that journey, but Dark Souls really solidified that notion and did it much better for me.

9. What song makes you the MOST turnt?

If anyone’s ever looked at anything on my blog for longer than 15 seconds, they’d know I’m a huge Persona fan. Persona 5′s Last Surprise is one of two things that instantly turn my mood positive in an instant. I lose my god damn mind hearing that song when I shuffle my songs.

10. What food will absolutely make you throw up upon taste/smell?

Every food that I’ve been near hasn’t done that unless I’m already in an intensely panicked state or I’m already sick. That said, it’s been more than a decade since I last threw up.

11. What is one physical trait humans have that you absolutely cannot stand?

Fuckin’ feet. Useful, yes. But they are fucking garbage aesthetically.

---

Alright, enough about me. Tell me about yourself, those of whom I tag (very few and you do not have to do this at all):

1. What’s that ONE thing (show, movie, food, game, etc.) that you found yourself pleasantly surprised by just trying it on a whim?

2. What was that song you listened to on loop as a kid? If not, album? If not, band?

3. What style of art turns you on the most? (because this is such a unique question)

4. What do you always turn to to get inspired?

5. Is there anyone in real life you absolutely hate?

6. First piece of memorabilia based on anything that you were excited to take home/get sent to your home? (I.E. poster/statue/shirt)

7. Favorite Basic Shape?

8. First video game memory? Hit me with that favorite video game, as well.

9. Is there a song that’s tied so deeply with a good memory?

10. What’s the most disappointing meal/snack that you secretly enjoy?

11. Worst human physical trait?

Tagging @futched, @gekken, @tahuma and if anyone else wants to do this, do! Don’t feel pressured to tag anyone or ask questions, you can just answer them if you even want to do that.

[meruz]

some asks to answer!

Yep! It’s right here

Yep! In fact they’re SUPER OPEN because I quit my job last month please please commission me the info is here

Thank you so much for this ask! To be honest, I have a hard time talking about filipino american stuff. I think because so much asian american conversation and so many asian american spaces are east asian centric and because filipino americans are so assimilated I think there’s a lot of...cultural shame there - not to mention I didn’t grow up in an area with a lot of fil-ams! They only other filipino american kids I knew were cousins.

So whenever I talk about filipino american things I feel like I’m being self-centered or too specific and it’s great to hear that those things are actually real to other people too. Specific to them too. It felt weird and self-centered to make that comic... and I made it over a year ago now. But I’m so glad to hear it’s still well received! And that it resonates with others! Thank you anon! My...,my pinoy heart is singing ...,

YEP I think 2017 runaways is so good actually. I didn’t really expect it to be good because I read Carry On and I was like...eh. But I think it’s had a solid start and I’m looking forward to each issue as it comes out!

Victor is my favorite. I think honestly because he shows up in Vision which was like..the best comic. And then maybe Gert after him.

I got them printed online at smartpress! They were rly easy to use. Just make sure you set up your document properly. They have guides on all that stuff too.

OF COURSE. Of course I do, anon. Keep in mind my recommendations are very modern era though because that’s most of what I’ve read and care about tbh. If you wanna go older you might want to talk to someone else.

My top recommendations are:

Wolverine and the X-Men v1 (2010) by Jason Aaron

Ultimate Dad Wolverine runs a school. Extremely goofy, some plotlines are much better than others and I’m not a huge fan of Bradshaws art when it comes in BUT but there is one plotline in this book where the Jean Grey School runs out of money so Wolverine takes Quentin (who is a telepath) out of detention and into space so they can cheat at a space casino and get money for the school. If that doesn’t have you sold idk what else to tell you.

Spider-Man and the X-Men (2015) by Elliot Kalan

In order to honor one of Logan’s final requests before his death, Spider-man comes to teach at the Jean Grey School. Um. This book is 6 issues of perfection.

All-New X-Men v1 (2013) by Brian Michael Bendis

The original 5 x-men from the silver age decide to go to the future (current 616) to stop Scott from being a terrorist (?????) or something? And end up staying. So teen drama + time travel + my future self scares me. This is also a book meant as an entry point for the Marvel NOW x-men stuff so if you want its a decent place to start.

The artist for a good chunk of the series is Stuart Immonen and he is a fucking GOD. As for the writing... I’m a Bendis fan and I know he’s popular to hate on but honestly... I think the beginning stuff of this book is some of his better x-related work. Though if you get to the latter arcs and lose interest because of all the crossovers... I don’t blame you.

Also...if you read this book please read Uncanny X-Men v3 also by Brian Michael Bendis. It’s not as kid-focused but it’s got a good chunk of kid stuff. It’s the sister book to ANXM and I kind of like it better. I miss the New Xavier School stuff so much...........

Generation X v2 (2017) by Christina Strain

The most recent kids-centric x-book. Read this to get updated with the franchise. Tbh I’m not really sure what I’d rate this book but...I enjoyed the run while I was picking up individual issues? We’ll see if it holds up upon reread lol.

other x-kid books that I recommend!

Team-based

New Mutants (1983) (the og....)

New X-Men v2 Academy X (2004) (beginning is ok, latter bit is GREAT)

All-New X-men v2 (2014) (not as good as v1 but not...the worst)

Solo

Jean Grey (2017) (I love teen jean. teen jean defense squad)

Pixie Strikes Back (2010) (honestly I can’t remember if this book was good I just really like sara pichelli’s art)

Wolverine and the X-Men: Alpha and Omega (2012) (my definitive quentin quire lies between this and jason aaron’s quentin)

All-New Wolverine (2015) (still one of the best x-books on the shelves tbh)

[sterekhobrienfics]

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a fic rec list, and since we are only 76 followers away from TEN THOUSAND, I figured I’d throw the latest bunch of fics I’ve read together for you guys. I know things have been slow over here lately, but I want to thank you guys for sticking with me even when I don’t post every day. Y’all are the best! Happy Reading!

I’ve Always Been the Storm (Complete | 25,251 | Explicit)

“You’re all headed out to Oklahoma in a week.”

Derek snaps his head up, stares at him in horror, “No, boss.”

“Yes,” Finstock insists in a steely voice. “The NSSL have been on at us for a year about some decent exposure, and I think you’re just the team to do it.”

“I haven’t done weather since college,” Derek protests.

Boyd snorts again, presumably because he’s thinking back to the time when Derek and the weather last collided and he…. well, did the guy into the weather for a brief, wonderful, terribly foolish time. But, Boyd needs to shut up before Derek punches him on the nose.

Of Glasses and Lacrosse Sticks (Oneshot | 6,810 | Teen)

“Okay, how ‘bout this? One date, just one date, and if you still don’t believe I’m genuinely interested in you, then I’ll leave you alone for good. How does that sound?”

Derek hesitated for another moment, before he sighed and said, “Fine. One date.”

I Know That I Remember You (Oneshot | 1,307 | Teen)

“I didn’t know you could sing.” The guy says, walking towards him, cautious.

Derek busies himself with closing the guitar case, waits for the guy to say anything else or maybe introduce himself. The bar is always crowded whenever Derek sings, and many people approach him every night, how would Derek remember who he is?

“Do I know you?” He ends up asking, not being able to hide the annoyed tone. He just wants to go home, take a shower and watch some stupid TV show.

To his surprise the guy flinches. “I don’t think so.”

Regression to the Mean (Oneshot | 16,580 | Mature)

There aren’t really words for this – “sure, dude. Let’s hang out sometime and bond over the fact that our lives suck and we’ve both basically killed a bunch of people by accident” somehow doesn’t roll off the tongue. –

Prompt: In the aftermath of 3B, Stiles and Derek learn to trust, learn to fuck, and learn to love themselves, each other, and their pack.

First Impressions are Overrated (Complete | 14,634 | Teen)

In Stiles’ defense, he didn’t deliberately ram his grocery cart into the (evidently precarious) pyramid of oranges. 

Throw me to the Wolves (Complete | 13,493 | Teen)

He feels the physical embodiment of devastated, his already too strung-out mind struggling to wall up all the hurt, the rejection—he takes a deep shuddering breath and looks down at the shredded skin on his arms, at the sluggish way they’re weakly healing.

There is nothing, nothing he wants more than to have Derek sweep in and make everything all better. He should have known, though, that something like that would never happen to him.

OR -

Stiles accidentally gets bitten, and everything goes to hell.

One Piece at a Time (Complete | 24,994 | Mature)

Scott is a mechanic who never answers his phone. Derek is also a mechanic who never leaves the shop. Stiles has a low alcohol tolerance and lots of car problems. Everyone knows except Stiles and Derek. This also turns into a holiday fic halfway through, so if you were here for the car stuff, I’m sorry!

Title is a song by Johnny Cash.

Happy Birthday To Me (Oneshot | 10,819 | Mature)

It’s Laura’s 30th birthday and Derek sucks at buying gifts. Then he stumbles across ‘Full Moon Jewellery’, an Etsy store run by an art student who has strange ideas about nutrition, and whose enthusiasm for his new commission is actually kind of adorable.

In which the whole pack wants Derek to get a life, and Derek just wants some peace.

(But not really)

36 Questions (Oneshot | 8,071 | Teen)

“So I’m doing my senior psych thesis on friendships,” Erica says, not-so-accidentally elbowing Derek in the ribs as she turns to face Stiles. “How they develop, how intimacy is fostered, stuff like that.”

“That’s cool,” Stiles says agreeably. “What’s our part?”

“Well, I can’t really tell you the point because that would influence the results. But it’s a set of 36 questions that you have to ask each other.”

“Just the two of us?” Derek chimes in, finally, and Stiles sighs.

“Okay, dude,” he says, making a face, “could you try not to look quite so offended? Like, my ego’s pretty strong, but come on, man.”

Wood and Nails (Series | 50,188 | Mature)

”The five stages of grief,” Stiles nods and sighs. They've both seen it, been through it. Heard them repeated by therapist after therapist. Stiles doesn't say anything, but they both know which one Derek's slipped into by now.

***

When things calm down in Beacon Hills, all the things Derek hasn't dealt with come back with a vengeance. Stiles does his best to help him.

Stars in his eyes (Oneshot | 5,303 | Teen)

“License and registration, please.”

“He was kidding,” Derek interjects, “He’s just being an idiot.”

Stiles resents that.

“You too, please,” The officer addresses Derek.

“What? You’re gonna arrest me for sarcasm?”

And that’s how they ended up in jail.

I Breathe Disaster (Complete | 84,946 | Explicit)

“No. I’m not doing it. You can’t make me, Scott.”

“Don’t be such a wuss. You don’t want to die, do you? This is the only way to keep you safe from the Alpha pack.”

“Why not Danny? He’s actually gay, kind of adorable, and doesn’t look at me like he wants to shut me up…with his teeth.” Stiles threw his arms out in front of him, Scott shook his head for the thousandth time. “Why not?”

or

How Stiles went from hating Derek, to wanting to cuddle him, to hating him again, to kissing his boo-boo’s, to waxing poetic, then finally laying his life on the line to save him. Funny how things turn out.