#I felt like they would have some involvement in the story soon
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If you've seen Werepapas, you must be just as baffled as everyone else during "that" scene, huh?
And if you didn't, trust me, you will.
I haven't been watching season six and, based on what I've heard about it, the only way I would ever watch it is if some form of payment was involved. However, I do know what scene you're talking about because I follow enough blogs to have seen the chaos.
For those who are a little more removed from the fandom, the new episode Werepapas just aired and, in it, Adrien's grandparents are akumatized via his amok rings. This is actually a nice bit of tension because we know that akumas can be overcome by talking it out instead of fighting, but we haven't seen what that looks like with the new butterfly holder. This episode provides a good way to show off what that looks like now, emphasizing how much harder it is to deal with Lila's manipulation and establishing that talking it out will not be as easy as it was in season four and five. It also gives Adrien a moment to shine as he obviously has to be the one to free his own grandparents since Marinette has no connection to them and you can't destroy the rings without killing him, right?
Right?
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[Image description: Adrien's amok rings lying broken in Ladybug's hand. An akuma is coming out of them, but there is no feather]
Wrong! Let's just let Ladybug break the rings without consequences while Adrien is trapped in a trophy and left completely out of another fight with his family. That's way better story telling!
I know people are horrified by this and asking why Ladybug apparently didn't even try to find another way to free the akuma, but I'm just laughing because I called that she could probably do this months ago! Crocoduel logic fits the pattern! The rings probably had to be on fingers for the amok to go free or some similar bullshit.
Or maybe this is some new logic? Or maybe Adrien isn't a sentimonster after all! Or maybe Lila stole his rings offscreen/in the still unaired first episode! Who knows? Not me! The complete lack is logic is what makes it fun, though, right? Right?
Btw, since we're talking about Marinette and the rings, does anyone know how Marinette knows that the rings are Adrien's amok? Who told her? It wasn't Gabriel or Félix. Did it happen in the London special? Does she even know or was she only hesitant to break the rings because she knew how much they meant to Adrien? I honestly have no idea. I'm still not sure if she knows that he's a sentimonster since all she was canonically told was that Emilie randomly got pregnant after a long battle with infertility:
Félix: But even the best remedies couldn't seem to overcome their curse. (Marinette squints her eyes, immersing herself more in the story.) Félix: Until one day, the curious princess learned that she was expecting — (Both depict Emilie pregnant and Gabriel, with peacock feathers spreading on the background.) Félix: She was pregnant. (Marinette's eyes widen upon realization.)
And that Amelie also got pregnant soon after using the peacock:
Félix: The curious princess felt badly for her twin sister. So, she asked the tailor if he could do something for the good princess and the lord of war to have a child as well. (The scene switches to Félix, acting as Gabriel, talking to Kagami who is acting as Colt.) Félix: (as Gabriel) After much study, I have discovered a solution for you and your wife. But there will be a price to pay. You will give me your best knight to guard my future son. In exchange, I will lend you this magic amulet. It will allow you to give life to your dream and to control it. Kagami: (as Colt) Sorcery? Never! Félix: (as Gabriel) Well, it's up to you, of course. (Just as "Gabriel" is about to take back his offer, "Colt" chases after his hand and accepts this "sorcery" that "Gabriel" talks about, taking the Peacock Miraculous with him as well.)
Ah Miraculous, you never change. How a show for kids is so confusing is beyond me!
note this is all what I've picked up second hand so feel free to let me know if I got any details wrong
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nekoro-san · 2 years ago
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I really like the mystery female sss character design ( and her eyes look kinda a 🐱 so it’s opposite to Yuri as a 🐶). Based on her interaction with Yuri in chapter 81, she seems a little more carefree than him, which his is more serious. She seems to be a new recruit and under Yuri unit, too.
And Yuri boss now has to babysit these “kids” under the sss care now. Her dynamic with Yuri would be fun to watch because it’s could be a fun dynamic like Yuri with Anya.
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forcedhesitation · 9 months ago
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why should it just be steve who has all the torturous purgatory realm fun?
#dbd#myart#wip#quick clarification for those only familiar with the american version of ringu: sadako is 19.#anyway. I love that dbd lets me explore steve and nancy's characters outside the bullshit that the show is.#because the whole steve and nancy dynamic is Interesting. but the dustbags are plagued by cerebral hetrot so that story never GOES anywhere#it's just the “Waaaah love triangle OMG!!! will they? won't they?” crap. idk man. idc. why're these dumbasses breathing in Upside down air?#some people here have seen lucy before-- he is the ghostface pictured. and he's an OC. different person entirely from danny.#I won't explain his full lore here but-- he was a drag queen before the fog who started out by only killing those who he felt deserved it.#his entire persona satirises catholicism and he calls himself “the holy ghost” rather than ghostface. the entity made him an actual devil.#he's obsessed with steve because he LIVES his own role so he sees steve as his heroic opposite or some fucked up gay shit like that.#he's clutching kate's heart because if he were a real character in the game-- he'd have two moris.#one standard... and one for if a steve is present in the lobby. the second would involve him carving out the heart of a survivor as a gift.#he never harms steve though-- so it makes steve's penchant for self-sacrifice pointless.#steve instead has to do what he can to open the gates as fast as possible-- or watch everyone else die! :)#as for the toxic yuri-- it occurred to me that sadako's backstory bears some striking similarities to barb's story.#as soon as I realised this-- it was like I had suddenly gained the ability to see a new colour I could not see before.#sadako wanting to torment nancy as sick revenge for what happened to her but using barb's death as justification for this...#...nancy being unable to escape the ghost of barb... even in this hell dimension full of terrifying monsters--#it is still the memory of the girl she feels she “let” die in steve's pool that scares and hurts her the most.#not to mention that sadako's powers are reminiscent of how the upside down related fuckery appears...#the screwy technology. the telekinesis.#I just REALLY love seeing characters be forced to confront difficult parts of themselves even if that shit REALLY hurts.#dbd makes it so easy to do that to any given character. of course this goes both ways too-- it'd force lucy & sadako to change too.#which opens the door for torment on their end too because killers who disobey the entity are tortured into obeying.#a rock and a hard place on both ends. and that is Exactly how I like it. intense. complicated-- a puzzle to be solved.
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faebled-stories · 4 months ago
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Max Level: Pleasure Unlocked
Le Sserafim's Miyawaki Sakura x Male reader
AN: So... I may have been a tiny bit late to class today 😅. Why, you ask? Well... I was up all night re-watching Marry My Husband (totally worth it, btw). Anyway, fast forward to class, and I casually checked my phone, and—wait for it—WHAT?! Almost 300 likes for Ms. Kim Chaewon?! You guys are seriously amazing! 💖 This story was supposed to drop tomorrow, but because I love you all so much... here’s a little treat! 😘✨
P.S. Why is this lecture soooo long? Send help! 😂
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Miyawaki Sakura, the eldest member of Le Sserafim, had found a new thrill—one that didn’t involve the stage lights or concert crowds. Live streaming had pulled her into its vibrant, fast-paced world of colorful pixels and instant connection. It wasn’t just a hobby anymore; it became her escape—a digital realm where she could unwind and be herself. Streaming offered her a space where she could share her love for video games in the most authentic way possible. Her laughter would echo through the headset, filling the room with the joy she found in navigating complex game worlds and strategizing with her audience. It was a welcome reprieve from the pressures of K-pop stardom, a place where she could exist without expectation.
But as Sakura’s love for streaming grew, so did the distance between her and Y/N. Y/N cherished their quiet evenings together—the ones filled with soft conversations, playful glances, and the warmth of shared intimacy. Now, those moments seemed to slip away, replaced by the blue glow of Sakura's monitor and the sounds of gaming filling the room. He found himself feeling increasingly sidelined, the comforting presence of his girlfriend diluted by the endless stream of fan interactions and in-game distractions. Every evening, as he sat in their apartment watching her stream, Y/N felt like a shadow in her life, forgotten behind the glow of her screen.
The silence after Sakura's gaming sessions hung in the air, heavy and unfamiliar, a stark contrast to the laughter that used to fill their nights. He would lie in bed, staring at the empty space beside him, wondering when their quiet, intimate nights had been swapped for late-night streams. The late-night absence became more palpable, the connection they once shared now buried beneath layers of bright pixels and fan interactions.
Frustrated and unsure of how to bridge the growing gap between them, Y/N turned to the one person who knew both of them best—Kwon Eunbi, Sakura's former leader and the matchmaker who had brought them together in the first place. Eunbi, always the voice of reason and support, listened with a thoughtful expression as Y/N poured out his concerns.
"I just don't know how to get her attention anymore," Y/N confessed, his voice tinged with frustration. "She used to light up when we were together, but now it feels like I'm competing with a screen."
Eunbi, ever the sage, leaned in with a twinkle in her eye, her lips curving into a knowing smile. "Well, my dear, sometimes you just need to remind her of what she's missing," she said, her tone playful yet reassuring. "There's this little shop downtown. They have... items that might help reignite that spark you're worried about. A little mystery, a little surprise—that's the key."
Y/N blushed at the suggestion, but the idea intrigued him. Maybe Eunbi was right—maybe a little spontaneity was exactly what their relationship needed. "Okay noona," Y/N said with newfound determination. "Take me there. I'll do whatever it takes."
Eunbi grinned. "That's the spirit. Trust me, after this, she'll be more than eager to spend some time away from that screen, and if it doesn't work out... you have my number" the older girl winked before giving a slightly playful slap to Y/N’s behind
As soon as Eunbi led him into the little adult shop tucked away in a quiet side street downtown, Y/N’s nerves melted into curiosity. The shop was intimate, lined with rows of items that promised to stoke passion and bring lovers closer. Eunbi was more than willing to offer her guidance, clearly enjoying herself as she pointed out various products.
"Trust me," Eunbi had said with a wink, picking up a small bullet vibrator from one of the shelves. "This one is discreet but packs a punch, It's perfect for getting things started. She won’t see it coming." Y/N’s cheeks had flushed at the thought, but the image of Sakura’s surprised reaction made her smile. It was perfect for catching his girlfriend off guard.
As they continued browsing, Y/N’s eyes landed on a sleek, curved G-spot vibrating dildo that promised deeper, more intense sensations. He couldn’t help but imagine how Sakura might respond to its use—what that extra thrill might do to rekindle the heat between them. Eunbi happily skips over to Y/N with a box that he hasn't seen before, a rabbit ear vibrator "Y/N you have to get this, I’m telling you Sakura will melt and turn to putty in your hands, I have one myself and it's pretty amazing." Y/N looked at his noona with a skeptical look. Why is she so into this, is his precious noona actually not as innocent as she portrayed to the public?
Thinking about her words he can't deny that the idea of being the one to control Sakura’s pleasure sent a surge of excitement through him. He added it to his growing selection of items.
The final addition was a delicate set of pastel pink lingerie. His girlfriend's favorite color. lace-lined and revealing, something that he knew she would love, he remembered her saying she wanted something similar to this but was always ashamed and embarrassed to buy it
Y/N picked up the set knowing how much it would make his lover feel even sexier. He could already imagine the fabric clinging to his girlfriend's skin, the look in Sakura’s eyes when she sees it. There was no doubt that tonight, he would make sure all of Sakura’s attention was focused on him.
As the duo went to the counter the current cashier was about to take a break and out comes his replacement, someone who Y/N would not have expected to work here.
"Oh Eunbi unnie welcome back Oh! and Y/N oppa, what are you doing here?" the duck looking girl squealed. To say Y/N was shocked is an understatement. His girlfriend's former members, his friends, were all so familiar with this place.
"I was showing Y/N around the store, he needed my help" Responded the eldest. "Oppa is Sakura unnie giving you a hard time?" Yena responded, causing Y/N to shrink into himself in embarrassment. 
The girl started scanning the products one by one, her curious eyes glanced back and forth from y/n and each product he bought. "I didn't think Sakura unnie would be into this, I guess she's less of a prude than I thought" At this point Y/N just wanted to leave, he slightly hid behind his noona as she started placing her own products she wanted to buy. 
"I’ll pay for it Y/N I get a discount here, just pay me back after" Y/N nodded before Eunbi tapped her card and they both left with Yena waving to them, saying that they should visit her again.
With his purchases in hand, Y/N left the shop feeling embarrassed about the whole situation but he thought about the end goal and it made him feel more confident than ever. This was his chance to break through the monotony that had settled between them.
Later that evening, back in their shared apartment, Sakura was already in the midst of her nightly streaming routine. Her set up was in the living room, per Y/N's request after waking him up way too many times. It was bathed in the soft glow of the monitor, casting a kaleidoscope of colors across her face as she engaged with her audience. Y/N, his heart pounding with a mixture of nerves and excitement, watched from the shadows, clutching the items he had bought earlier.
He knew exactly what to do.
Grabbing a piece of paper, Y/N quickly scribbled a note and held it up just out of view of the camera, flashing it at Sakura with a grin. The note read: "Since you're so into games, let's play one right now, this will be level one, don't make anything obvious, good luck."
Sakura blinked in confusion at first, her head tilting as she tried to make sense of the message. But when she looked up at Y/N’s playful expression a delicate smile spread across his lips, a knowing look in his eyes. Sakura then glanced down at her stream, her posture adjusting as if nothing had changed, she quickly muted her mic. “ Not now Y/N, I'm busy.” before turning it back on and saying her mic was glitching. But Y/N had spent too long planning this out, spent too much money to turn back now. 
Satisfied with the confusion, Y/N smiled back. The game was on.
Without another word, Y/N crouched and began crawling under the desk. Since her desk was longer than any normal person would normally have, It made the access to the prize easy for him as he just needed to go from the side, his movements smooth and deliberate, hidden from the camera’s view. Sakura’s attention was still on the screen, her voice cheerful as she interacted with her viewers, but Y/N knew it wouldn’t be long before his girlfriend’s focus would shift entirely. Beneath the desk, Y/N felt a rush of excitement as he prepared to introduce a new level of spontaneity into Sakura’s night.
The note had been the first step—a secret shared between them, a playful challenge that only the two of them would understand. What happened next was up to Y/N, and he was ready to make it unforgettable.
Y/N smirked as he slowly slid the small bullet vibrator out of its box, he wiped it with a wet wipe before lifting up the pink short skirt in front of him, He brought the toy up and pressed it against Sakura's panty-covered mound, watching with delight as the Japanese girl jolted slightly in her seat. Sakura tried her best to maintain focus on the video game, determinedly gripping her mouse and keyboard as she attempted to hide her reactions to the subtle vibrations. But Y/N could see right through her act - the way Sakura's thighs clenched together, the slight flush creeping across her cheeks, the rapid rise and fall of her chest as her breathing quickened.
To save face Sakura quickly slapped Y/N’s hand away from her wet pussy but Y/n quickly placed it back to its home.
The little vibrator buzzed away, its vibrations transmitted through the thin fabric barrier. Y/N could feel the heat radiating off of Sakura's core, could sense her wetness growing with each passing second. Sakura squirmed almost imperceptibly, fighting the urge to spread her legs further.
Sakura's game character died with a pitiful electronic squeal, breaking the spell. She blinked hard a few times, trying to regain her composure as she struggled to stay focused on the screen. Y/N chuckled quietly, pulling the vibrator away.
Rising up from his spot on the floor under the desk, Y/N made sure that he was holding eye contact with Sakura the whole way. Sakura's eyes widened as Y/N made a show of slowly swiping his fingers on the toy before rubbing them together and slowly pulling them apart a slick line of the idols juices were connecting Y/Ns fingers showing her that even though she's against it, her body doesn't lie. Y/N’s fingers were brought to his lips, eye contact still not breaking and in an exaggerated motion he licked her fingers clean. Sakura quickly glanced away, her face burning crimson now, but she couldn't keep her eyes from peeking back at Y/N. A shaky exhale escaped her lips.
Y/N just winked before reaching for a piece of paper that read Level 2 commencing before crawling back to her side of the desk, leaving Sakura even more flustered and distracted, though trying her best to play it cool. Y/N made a mental note - Sakura was even more responsive than expected. This was going to be fun indeed...
The next level involved the G-spot vibrating dildo, escalating the intensity. There was only one small thing blocking his way, deciding to deal with it he wrapped his fingers around her panties before giving it a quick and powerful tug completely ripping them. The sound loud enough to catch Sakura off guard. Shocked, the idol’s hand instinctively reached down, her fingertips brushing her now bare, wet pussy. She inhaled sharply, her body reacting to the sudden exposure, but she didn’t dare glance away from the screen.
Y/N teased her relentlessly, his fingers circling her entrance before finally pushing the toy into her slick cunt. He moved it slowly at first, letting her adjust to the sensation, feeling her muscles tighten around the intrusion. Sakura’s hand gripped her mouse tighter, her knuckles whitening as she fought to keep her composure. She nearly missed a key on her keyboard, her body betraying her as Y/N expertly played with her, pulling the toy out just as she neared the edge of release.
Her breath came in shallow, uneven pants. The subtle strain in her voice didn’t go unnoticed by Y/N, who watched with a smirk, knowing just how close she was to losing control. Yet, he denied her the satisfaction of climax, bringing her to the edge again and again only to retreat, leaving her desperate and aching.
“Fuck,” Sakura muttered under her breath, her voice barely audible as she tried to focus on her stream. Her viewers, blissfully unaware of the torment unfolding beneath her desk, cheered her on in the game, oblivious to the real game being played just out of sight.
Y/N pulled the toy away once more, but this time, Sakura couldn't hold back her frustration. "Ahh, what the fuck" she whispered harshly, trying to control her reaction. She couldn’t look down to see what he was doing, not without giving herself away on camera. She tried to push through the absence, hoping Y/N would relent, but the moment stretched on.
And then, without warning, Y/N switched the vibrations onto its highest setting and plunged it back into her, the thick dildo buried deep inside her clenching cunt, the toy felt around and lived up to its name, pressing on that spot she loved.
"AHHHH!" Sakura’s cry pierced the quiet of the room, her pussy convulsing around the toy as an intense orgasm overtook her. She barely had time to mute her mic, her thighs trembling and squeezing together, her stomach contracting as wave after wave of electric pleasure crashed over her. Her body felt like it was on fire, every nerve ending alight with sensation
Her game character spun wildly on screen, her mouse jerking out of control as her body seized up. Her viewers, concerned but unsuspecting, quickly flooded the chat with messages.
"Are you okay? What happened?" one asked.
"You just screamed like you saw a ghost, lol," commented another, oblivious to the real reason behind her outburst.
Sakura’s cheeks burned with humiliation. They had heard her, but thankfully they couldn’t know the truth—how their sweet, innocent idol was secretly being driven to the brink of madness by her boyfriend under the desk. With a shaky breath, she forced a laugh. "Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! I thought I saw a bug under the desk," she lied, her voice higher than usual, the embarrassment clear. "You know how I get when it comes to bugs!"
Her viewers, still clueless, accepted the explanation, laughing along with her as they playfully scolded her for getting so worked up over something so trivial. But Sakura’s mind was far from the stream now. The aftershocks of her orgasm still rippled through her, and she bit her lip hard, willing her body to calm down. The irony wasn’t lost on her—here she was, playing the role of their wholesome crush while secretly being ravaged by Y/N just out of sight.
Satisfied for the moment, Y/N leaned in and gave her sensitive pussy a slow, teasing lick, sending another shiver through her body. Her thighs trembled, clenching around his head as his tongue worked its magic. She didn’t want to admit how much she missed this—missed him—but the pleasure coursing through her veins made it impossible to deny. He left a final lingering kiss against her soaked lips before pulling away, leaving her panting and desperate for more.
As Y/N stood, he reached for the final toy in his collection, pulling the rabbit-ear vibrator from his bag. His fingers traced the packaging—Rabbit Ear Toy: Maximum Clitoral Stimulation—and a grin spread across his face. The playful sparkle in his eyes revealed his mischievous intent, recalling how Eunbi had enthusiastically recommended this particular device. With a small chuckle, he knew this would be the perfect grand finale to their secret, unspoken game.
Y/N scribbled a quick note��Level three, good luck—and slid it over to Sakura. Her gaze flicked to him, and their eyes met briefly. A silent exchange of both anticipation and trepidation passed between them. The tension hung thick in the air, a blend of excitement and nerves that only heightened the moment. Sakura’s cheeks flushed as her fingers hovered over the keyboard, pretending to remain focused on the game, but her attention was split, knowing what was coming next.
As Y/N shifted back into his familiar spot under the desk, his breath hitched in anticipation. It had become his little domain, a place where he could send Sakura into oblivion without her viewers being any the wiser. He carefully unwrapped the vibrator—an egg-shaped toy, compact but powerful. The soft, flexible rabbit ears promised an intensity that could tip her over the edge with just the right pressure. His hands, steady and deliberate, moved between her legs, teasing her for a moment. The toy slipped between her folds, refusing to cooperate at first, but Y/N’s persistence paid off. He finally nestled it perfectly in place, the rabbit ears snugly embracing her clit.
For a second, he paused. The anticipation in the room grew thick as Sakura shifted in her chair, her breaths shallow. The tension between them felt electric. Y/N knew what this small delay would do to her—he was prolonging the inevitable, letting her body crave the release that was just out of reach. Then, with a press of the button, the vibrator buzzed to life.
The effect was immediate. A surge of pleasure ripped through Sakura’s body, her muscles tensing as the toy began its relentless rhythm. She bit down hard on her lower lip, trying desperately not to give herself away. The overwhelming sensation sent waves of heat cascading from her core, and her hands trembled as they hovered over her mouse and keyboard, trying to maintain some semblance of control. Her breath came in short, shallow bursts, her body writhing ever so slightly, desperate to remain still for the camera.
Her chat lit up with messages of encouragement. Her viewers had no clue the real battle she was fighting—the one between maintaining her composure and succumbing to the pleasure that was quickly unraveling her. The boss fight on screen grew more intense, each phase of the battle requiring her utmost focus, but her concentration wavered with every flick of the vibrator against her clit. It was nearly impossible to think, let alone execute precise game mechanics, as the rabbit ears worked her over with merciless efficiency.
Sakura whispered to herself, “Y-You’ve got this, Sakura!” Her voice was strained, too high-pitched to mask her struggle, but she plastered on a wide smile for her audience. Her hands shook violently now as they moved across the keyboard, trying to keep up with the rapid pace of the game. Her pulse raced in sync with the toy, the pleasure mounting to unbearable levels.
The boss’s health bar ticked down in sync with her endurance, her every keystroke becoming sloppier, more frantic. As the final blow landed and the boss collapsed in defeat, Sakura could no longer hold back. Her body convulsed as the climax hit her like a tidal wave. A guttural shout escaped her lips as she slammed her hands down on the desk, her voice cracking with a blend of triumph and carnal release.
“YESSSS!!” she screamed, her eyes squeezed shut, chest heaving with the force of the orgasm that ripped through her. Her muscles clenched, and her toes curled as the vibrator continued its assault, drawing out every last ounce of pleasure until she was utterly spent.
Her viewers erupted into cheers, congratulating her on the hard-earned victory. Oblivious to the real reason behind her breathlessness and the flush on her face, they celebrated her skill and persistence. The screen flashed with messages of admiration, and Sakura forced herself to sit up, her body trembling with the aftershocks.
“Whew… that was intense!” she gasped, wiping away the sheen of sweat on her forehead. Her hand reached for her water glass, her fingers still trembling slightly as she took a long, much-needed drink. “Thanks for cheering me on, guys,” she added with a weak laugh, masking the exhaustion coursing through her.
As Sakura leaned back in her chair, Scrolling through other games to hopefully find a good one to end the night, Y/N, who had been patiently watching her recovery, wasn’t quite done yet. A devilish grin played on his lips as he leaned forward, his finger hovering over the vibrator’s controls. Without warning, he cranked the toy up to its highest setting.
The sudden jolt of the vibrator sent Sakura reeling. Her body stiffened, eyes widening in shock as the intensity of the stimulation threatened to unravel her all over again. Her breath hitched in her throat as her muscles tensed, gripping the arms of her chair to ground herself. Y/N’s laughter echoed softly from beneath the desk, watching her fight the new wave of pleasure with a mixture of amusement and satisfaction.
Sakura, the ever-composed streamer, found herself on the precipice of a new kind of experience. The powerful vibrations of the new toy sent shivers through her body, a primal force that ignited a wildfire of anticipation within her. Her body responded with a raw, undeniable intensity, the moisture building until it seeped through her folds, dripping off the chair and leaving a glistening trail on the floor. The sweet scent of candles that once permeated the room was quickly overtaken by the pungent aroma of her arousal, a testament to the burgeoning passion that consumed her.
As the pleasure reached its crescendo, a surge of instinct took over. With lightning-fast reflexes, Sakura muted her microphone and switched off her camera, craving the sanctuary of privacy for the intimate storm that was about to break. The online world faded away, and she surrendered completely to the throes of ecstasy.
The timing was impeccable. As Sakura neared her peak, Y/N, her boyfriend, seized the moment. He seamlessly combined the pleasure of the vibrator with the intimacy of his mouth, diving forward with a ravenous hunger. His tongue explored the depths of her, savoring her taste and fueling the fire that burned within her. Each flick and swirl of his tongue sent shockwaves of ecstasy coursing through her body, pushing her closer and closer to the edge of oblivion.
The combined sensations were too much for her to bear, and with an animalistic moan escaped Sakura's lips, a guttural sound intertwined with a scream that seemed to rise from the very core of her being. "UGH FUCK YEEESSSS Y/N!" Her voice was a raw expression of unrestrained pleasure. She grasped his hair, her body convulsing in a wave of ecstasy. Her legs lifted and wrapped around him pulling his face impossibly close to her core, her muscles contracting and relaxing with each tremor, the old gaming chair squeaking in protest with every movement. Her cheeks flushed a vibrant hue, a visible marker of her heightened state as she rode the wave of her orgasm with unbridled abandon, her breasts heaving with each ragged breath. Sakura climaxed with a force that left her breathless and trembling. Y/N continued his ministrations, prolonging her orgasm until she felt every ounce of pleasure.
For Y/N, the experience was both exhilarating and intensely intimate. He couldn't see anything; his vision was blocked by Sakura's body. Each subtle movement sent shivers down his spine—her soft skin felt warm and alive against him, her thighs encasing his head in a passionate vice that was as constricting as it was pleasurable. it was just the two of them, enveloped in a cocoon of heat and desire.
This was a Sakura he rarely saw, one that lay hidden behind the carefully curated persona of her online streams. In those moments, she had shed the facade of the cheerful, bubbly entertainer and revealed a side of herself that was raw and unfiltered. It was the Sakura from before her streaming career, the girl who had always been playful and spontaneous, exuding an authentic vulnerability that left him breathless. Her laughter echoed in the confines of his mind as he realized how seldom he’d had the chance to witness this intimate version of her.
The chaos of streaming and the demands of her audience faded into the background, replaced by a potent chemistry that crackled between them. His own heart hammered against his ribs, a frantic drum echoing the urgency of the moment, while his breath hitched at the raw display of passion and surrender before him. Every heartbeat was a reminder of how deeply and irrevocably he craved this connection.
This moment carved a permanent mark on him, etching itself into his memory like a secret tattoo. It was a reminder of the beautiful, complex dynamics that fueled their relationship—beyond the streaming lights and scripted interactions lay a blend of affection, longing, and a hint of danger. Their souls intertwined in this rare instance, revealing as much about their hearts as it did about their desires. The very essence of their bond lay anchored in these fleeting but fervent exchanges, making each encounter a treasure and a risk he was willing to embrace.
Sakura's breath came in ragged gasps as she slowly released her hold on Y/N, her legs trembling, weak from the intense stimulation. The room seemed to amplify all her senses, the cooling sensation of sweat mingling with her skin a stark contrast to the recent heat. Her legs, barely able to support her, struggled to find their footing as she fought to regain her composure. The assistant to her pleasure, the formidable toy that had helped push her to the edge of chaotic bliss, lay on the floor, a glistening reminder of the storm that had just passed. Its surface, coated in her essence, served as a tangible testament to her unleashed passion.
Realizing that her momentary loss of control had severed her connection with her viewers, Sakura quickly attempted to regain her composure. Her cheeks flush with a mix of embarrassment and vulnerability. But before she could complete the act of resuming, Y/N’s steady hand came to rest against her thigh, gently halting her fidgeting. Kneeling between her legs, his tall frame allowing him to almost come face to face with her, their eyes meeting in a moment that felt both electric and profoundly intimate.
Sakura's mind swirled with a haze of emotions, a flicker of melancholy washing over her like a soft tide. She missed these moments—the brief interludes where they could shed their roles and embrace a deeper connection, where laughter and genuine emotion melded seamlessly into something more. Each stolen glance, every shared laugh had been a thread weaving them closer, and yet, amidst the chaos of their lives, she felt those threads fraying, slipping through her fingers like grains of sand.
In that heavy silence, Y/N reached for her, his fingers warm as they gently cupped the back of her head. There was no need for words; his eyes spoke volumes, conveying understanding and longing in a single gaze. Then, with a tenderness that sent shivers down her spine, he leaned in and sealed their lips together in a passionate kiss. The flavors of her arousal mingled with saliva—a delicious, intoxicating symphony that danced on their tongues, each movement igniting a fire deep within her core.
Sakura was momentarily consumed by the warmth of his embrace, every worry dissolving into the sweet elixir of their connection. But as the kiss lingered, her heart raced at the thought of what lay beyond this moment. Still lost in the afterglow, Sakura whimpered softly when Y/N finally pulled away, his lips brushing against hers gently as they parted. His gaze held her captive, a silent promise lingering in the space between them, but it only deepened her desire, leaving her craving more.
This was the testament to their bond—a connection that blossomed amidst the chaos of her storm, a lingering whisper of hope amid uncertainty. She knew she couldn’t let this slip through her fingers again, not when they had ventured into a territory that felt so beautifully raw and undeniably real.
But as the seasoned entertainer she was, she corrected her streaming gadget, turning her webcam back on and adjusting her microphone. Her face, still flushed from her recent exertion and her lips swollen, was now contorted into an apologetic smile as she addressed her audience, hiding the true reason behind her sudden departure by blaming it on unpredictable internet issues.
"Sorry about that, guys," she panted, her voice slightly uneven with the remnants of her peak. "We had a little technical glitch," she continued, her eyes sparkling with a mischievous hint that was not quite caught by her virtual audience.
The chat, a flurry of messages, was filled with questions and mild irritation. Her viewers were curious, their previous excitement now shifted to suspicion and a growing sense of doubt . They wondered what had caused such a sudden disruption. Yet, despite their curiosity, they respected her privacy, unwilling to push for explanations that she was not willing to give until she was ready. In their minds, the truth of her interruptions could often be their most decadent fantasies, creating an air of mystique and allure around her that kept them coming back for more. Sakura, a master of her craft, knew how to keep her audience hooked, turning even a glitch into a potential performance enhancement, as her viewers' imaginations filled in the blanks left by their sudden disconnection.
Y/N, with an air of mystery swirling about him, gracefully emerged from under the desk, his presence suddenly filling the room with an electric energy. As if appearing from the shadows, he moved with a fluidity that captivated Sakura, drawing her gaze irresistibly. From his vantage point behind the monitor, Y/N's eyes met Sakura's, a hint of mischief dancing in their depths.
His movements were deliberate, with a rhythm that matched the beating of Sakura's heart, as if he were conducting an intimate dance where only the two of them could hear the music. The fact that he planned this whole thing gave Sakura a warm feeling. The remnants of their shared passion became a declaration of love, a promise of intimacy, and a reaffirmation of their bond.
Satisfied with his thorough work, Y/N offered Sakura a look, his eyes darting back and forth from Sakura and a bag that was placed just to the side. A secretive smile playing upon his lips. It was a silent challenge, an invitation for Sakura to join him in their next adventure. Turning away, he walked calmly towards the bedroom.
As he cleaned the toys and meticulously arranged them in their new resting place, the nightstand, Y/N took the time to appreciate the small details of their shared space. The nightstand, once merely a piece of furniture with no purpose, now held a whole new meaning, a symbol of their intimate connection.
Sakura remained seated, her breath catching in her throat as Y/N disappeared into the shadows of the bedroom. The atmosphere lingered with a charged energy, the room still humming from the intensity of their shared moment. Sakura’s mind raced, replaying the image of Y/N’s mischievous smile, his teasing, deliberate movements, and the unspoken promise that hung in the air like a secret waiting to be unraveled.
For a moment, Sakura sat frozen, the temptation pulling her forward. She felt a surge of warmth radiate through her, a tug towards the bedroom where Y/N awaited, his presence as enticing as ever. The weight of their connection, unspoken but deeply understood, anchored her as she ended the stream and rose from her seat.
Sakura’s eyes fell to the bag on the floor, under the coffee table, its presence both familiar and intriguing. She had seen Y/n walk in with it  earlier but hadn’t given it much thought in the midst of her stream. Now, as the evening light dimmed into twilight and the apartment grew quieter, curiosity took over. Slowly, she bent down, her fingers brushing against the soft fabric of the bag as she picked it up. It was a simple gesture, yet it sent a ripple of anticipation through her. 
Peeling back the wrapping, her breath caught when her eyes landed on the contents. A stunning set of lingerie lay folded neatly inside, the color immediately striking her—her favorite color. The rich, silky fabric shimmered slightly in the low light, delicate lace tracing intricate patterns along its edges. She lifted it out of the bag, feeling the cool smoothness of the material slip between her fingers. The fabric felt luxurious, softer than she imagined, and as she held it up, a smile tugged at the corners of her lips.
Y/N had remembered.
In the whirlwind of their lives, it wasn’t often that someone paid attention to the small details, but Y/N always had a way of doing just that. Not just any lingerie, but a set that spoke to her tastes, a color that made her feel powerful, beautiful, sexy. The care and thoughtfulness behind it warmed her from the inside, the kind of warmth that settled deep, in the quiet places of the heart.
Sakura didn't waste time, a surge of excitement bubbling up inside her. Without even heading to the bathroom, she began to undress right there in the middle of the living room. Her body was sore, every muscle aching from the games “levels”, but the thrill of the moment outweighed the discomfort. She moved slowly, peeling away the layers of her clothing, and as each piece fell to the floor, she felt lighter. Her breath hitched when the cool air of the room brushed against her bare skin.
Pulling the lingerie up over her legs, she marveled at how perfectly it fit, as if it had been crafted just for her. The lace clung to her curves in all the right places, accentuating her figure in a way that made her feel both strong and undeniably feminine. She caught a glimpse of herself in the nearby mirror and paused for a moment. The reflection staring back at her was striking—she looked lovely and powerful. The fatigue that had settled into her bones seemed to dissipate, replaced by an invigorating energy, one that thrummed beneath her skin like a quiet storm ready to break.
Her gaze shifted from the mirror to the slightly ajar bedroom door, and that’s when she felt it. The pull. It was almost magnetic, an invisible force drawing her toward Y/N. There had always been something between them ever since they met, something more than words or physical attraction. It was an unspoken connection, a shared intimacy that went beyond the surface of things. Y/N had a way of turning even the smallest gestures into something profound. A simple gift of lingerie wasn’t just a gift; it was a conversation, an invitation, a reminder of the bond they shared.
Sakura’s heart raced as she stood at the threshold of the bedroom, her hand resting lightly on the doorframe. From where she stood, she could see Y/N’s silhouette bathed in the soft, golden glow of the bedside lamp. The room itself was dim, quiet, filled with the gentle hum of the night outside. Y/N sat on the edge of the bed, his posture relaxed but his eyes sharp, focused. There was a look in his gaze—one that she knew well. Mischief, affection, desire, all wrapped into one.
Her breath caught again, but this time it wasn’t the cold air or the tightness of the lingerie. It was the way Y/N looked at her. As if she were the only thing in the world that mattered in that moment. As if the night was theirs and theirs alone.
Without breaking eye contact, Sakura stepped inside the room, her bare feet soundless against the wooden floor. The door clicked shut behind her, the soft sound echoing in the quiet. It was as if the outside world ceased to exist, leaving only the two of them in the cocoon of their own making. The air between them was thick with anticipation, with the unspoken promise of what was to come.
Y/N didn’t move, didn’t say a word. His gaze traveled over her slowly, taking in the sight of her standing before him in the delicate lace and silk he had chosen. The corner of his mouth lifted in a small, appreciative smile, but there was something deeper in his eyes—a smoldering intensity that made her heart skip a beat.
She moved closer, the space between them shrinking with every step. Her own breathing had become shallow, her pulse quickening in response to the heat building between them. It wasn’t just about the physical desire; it was the emotional weight of everything they had shared, everything they had been through together, all condensed into this one, intimate moment.
Sakura reached the edge of the bed, standing just before him, her body illuminated by the soft, golden light. Y/N reached out, his hand gently grazing her thigh, his fingers brushing over the delicate lace. His touch was light, teasing, sending a shiver up her spine. She closed her eyes for a moment, savoring the sensation, the feeling of his skin against hers.
He had given her so much today, endless pleasures each one more intense than the last. But now, as she stood before him, she knew the time had come, it was his turn. She smiled, slow and teasing, as her fingers toyed with the straps of the lingerie. She leaned in, her lips brushing against his ear, her voice a soft whisper filled with promise.
"You’ve given me so many gifts today baby. Now it’s your turn to unwrap your present." 
She gave him multiple kisses from his neck to his cheek, ending with a needy one on his lips.
“Since you're so into games, let's play one right now,” her words mimicking those that started this whole thing.
The night had just begun, filled with endless possibilities Sakura's situation mirrored her favorite games. She had failed multiple times but knew that this was a fresh start, an extra life, With a smile she positioned herself face to face with his crotch and pulled down Y/N's pants exposing his member, she gave the tip a quick kiss and lick, before reminding him that singing was not the only thing her mouth was used for.
Miyawaki Sakura was back on level one.
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thelostconsultant · 6 months ago
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Midnight rain
pairing: Lando Norris x reader
summary: Lando wanted a family, but you weren’t ready. Three months after your breakup, he's still in love with you, and now it's your turn to decide whether or not to give him a second chance.
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“You’re exhausting,” you groaned into the phone.
It was well into the morning when Lando’s name flashed on your screen, which wouldn’t have been so surprising if you were in the same time zone. But you were in Singapore, six hours ahead of Belgium, which meant it was around three in the morning over there. When he spoke, his speech was slurred, he was obviously struggling to form coherent sentences, but he sounded hell-bent on talking to you right now.
Since you were almost at the stadium for rehearsal before tonight's concert, you didn't feel like keeping up the conversation, but the way his voice broke made you listen. You knew he hadn't been in the best state of mind since the breakup, but the fact he still felt so miserable made you sad.
“We would have beautiful babies, you and me. Why don't you want to see them? A mini you, or a mini me, maybe a mini mix of us… So cute,” he said, at least that’s what you managed to understand from his mess of a speech.
And he giggled. You could imagine him lying on his back, one hand holding the phone while the other hugged a pillow to his chest. Rolling your eyes, you thought about what to say to this. It was always the same story, he would call you, tell you how much he missed you, how much he loved you, how he wished you would marry him, and how much he wanted to have a child with you.
The same things that made you break up with him in the first place. He told you about his vision; a big wedding somewhere remote, then the two of you would travel together, preferably with you coming to his races as a good luck charm, and soon you would welcome your first child who would be spoiled rotten.
That's not what you wanted. You wanted to focus on your career, you wanted to go on tours, you wanted to make more albums, you wanted to do so much before becoming a wife and a mother. Lando didn't seem to understand this, he kept telling you it would be okay, that there were many singers who could return to where they'd been before, but you didn't buy it.
“Go to sleep, Lando,” you told him calmly, hoping that gentle parenting would work.
“No, I won't sleep until you're back to me. I'll stay awake and–Don’t touch my phone, Osc!” he protested suddenly.
You heard some bickering in the background, which was followed by a long sigh. “Hey, it's Oscar. I'm sorry, we stayed with him and have been trying to keep him from calling you, but he somehow snatched his phone back from Max. You okay?”
At least he was in good hands and under supervision. “Yeah, sure, thanks for staying with him. Good race for you two by the way,” you said with a smile.
“You watched it?”
“Well, I checked the results and saw the highlights.”
There was a short break which made you wonder if he was still there, but then he spoke up again. “Listen, I don’t want to be involved in this, but I’m worried about Lando. You broke up three months ago and he’s still a mess. I get it, you don’t want marriage and kids yet, but maybe he would understand your reasons and agree to wait if you just sat down to discuss it.” You didn’t know what to say to that, but apparently Oscar was also a bit hesitant. “Do you still love him?”
“I don’t know if it’s love, but I care about him. We were together for over three years, it’s not gonna disappear from my life in a blink of an eye,” you explained. “But… I don’t know, I’m just afraid he would be back at it in a matter of weeks, once again trying to convince me to start a family with him.”
“And if we talked to him when he was sober? If we made sure he understands what you’ve been trying to tell him? Would you give him another chance?”
You took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. Would you? Would it be worth it? You were on tour right now, but after the next four concerts you would end the Asian leg and have a few weeks for yourself. You would have time to figure things out. “I would talk to him, and maybe I would be willing to try again. Once last time. The moment he’s back on his bullshit, I’m going to leave him for good,” you added.
You could hear the soft laugh from Oscar’s side, and you could see him glancing down at his teammate with a smile. “I’m sure he would like it. I’m not sure how long he’ll be knocked out once we convince him to sleep, but I’ll tell him to call you at a reasonable time when he’s finally sober again, okay?”
“Yeah, okay. Thanks for everything.”
He said goodbye and left you with your thoughts, wondering if you made the right call. Maybe there was a part of you that wanted to be with him, because the years you spent together meant a lot to you. He was one of the kindest people you’ve ever met, a ray of sunshine, really, in stark contrast with your sometimes gloomy personality.
But who knew, maybe his friends can talk some sense into him.
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Lando knew he only had one chance at this. All his friends were very clear about this, Oscar especially, since he had been the one to talk to you. During that one phone call a week ago, you agreed to come to him in Monaco, visiting his apartment so you wouldn’t have this conversation at a public place. It was something between the two of you, there was no need for strangers hearing even snippets of it.
When you arrived and his eyes fell on you again, every single thought left his brain. He was just standing there in the door, utterly speechless, surprised that he didn’t start drooling at the sight. After all those months spent looking at photos of you at your concerts, seeming like you had the time of your life on the stage, it was so nice to see this you, the one without the sparkling dresses, the down-to-earth girl he loved so much it hurt.
“Can I come in?” you asked him hesitantly.
He blinked a few times before realizing he had been staring for a little too long. “Sure, sure, come in,” he said as he stepped out of the way. “Can I bring you anything?”
Shaking your head, you sat on the couch and patted the empty space next to you. Like a well-trained puppy, Lando sat down and turned to look at you, taking in every little detail as if this was the last time he saw you. Because maybe this was the last time, maybe you would end the conversation with the decision that this relationship couldn’t be revived.
After several painfully silent minutes later, you finally stopped fidgeting with your ring and let out a long sigh. “I don’t want to start a family yet, at least not the way you want it. Marriage is one thing, but… You expected me to spend my time following you around. I have my own career to nurture, Lan, you need to understand that. Sure, one day I’ll be ready for it, but not yet,” you explained kindly, your eyes examining his face for a reaction.
But Lando knew better than to let his disappointment be visible, he fought hard to keep it away from you. So, when he spoke up, his voice was also kept neutral. “But you wouldn’t be against it one day, right? Starting a family with me, I mean,” he said, deep down hoping there would be a dazzling smile on your face as you replied.
You smiled, but it was more of a polite, maybe little uncertain smile. “Yeah, one day, although I can’t tell you when, I can’t give you a deadline. Maybe in our early thirties, maybe sooner. You would have to wait and see. Do you think you can do that?”
He couldn’t hold back a sad laugh, mostly because you didn’t really give him the choice to negotiate. You told him what you had to offer, and it was a take it or leave it situation. And he wanted you back in his life, he wanted to be by your side every step of the way, he wanted to be your biggest fan, and he needed you to support him. “I can. For you,” he added seriously as he reached out to take your hand.
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tunafruitt · 1 year ago
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--> ||❝ The Creator has a.. LOVER?! ❞
SAGAU || Warnings: fluff, gender neutral reader
[ The people of Teyvat find out their grace has been romantically involved with someone for a while now.. what do they think about it? ]
Character(s): NEUVILLETTE, ZHONGLI
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-> [ NEUVILLETTE ]
“Oh, the Iudex of Fontaine is the creator’s chosen suitor? Okay.. He’s a qualified and accomplished man. I can see why the creator chose someone like him.”
With the one and only hydro dragon sovereign stuck to your side at all times, it was no surprise to anyone that the two of you had gotten close. But the creator falling in love with him?? That’s different.
Of course, the people of Teyvat had all wished to have a chance with you. And of course, everyone knew it was impossible… but hope is a good thing right? They knew the day would come though, just not so soon..
When the people found out that the Creator had someone they loved more than the usual “I love all of Teyvat equally and platonically.” EVERYONE WENT CRAZY. What do you mean the creator has a LOVER? What do you mean they’ve probably kissed. WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS THE IUDEX OF FONTAINE????
Nevertheless, no one was actually disappointed. They had heard you talk about him through the screen even before you descended to Teyvat. They were glad you were happy… I guess (though they wish it was with them.) Fontaine obviously took pride in having the creator spend a lot of their time residing there, even more pride in the fact that you were romantically involved with a citizen of Fontaine.
─━━ ꯭  ───ׂ─ִ─  ͜͡✿͜͡  ─ִ──ׂ──  ꯭  ━━ִ─
Neuvillette wasn’t quite sure how to react to all of the publicity the news had gotten. Every time the two of you go out together he feels the stares coming from the people around you. The stares weren’t the usual stares he got when he was doing a court trial.. they felt new to him. He was glad that he was at least able to say more affectionate words to you out in public though!
“Monsieur Neuvillette! I’ve heard the recent news.. haha.. so, how’s it being with the Creator? Bet you feel real lucky, huh.“
“I would consider myself lucky to be with Y/N. I feel that no amount of love give—“
“Y/N???? I-I MEAN— YOU’RE ON A FIRST NAME BASIS WITH YOUR GRACE?!”
“I am. Now, if I may continue…”
When he’s not actively working and someone asks him about you, he could yap about you for HOURS. So much to the point people avoid bringing you up even in non-professional events. He’s literally lovestruck. Heart eyes when he looks at you and everything. (everyone’s secretly side-eyeing him… out of jealousy.)
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-> [ ZHONGLI ]
“Hm.. The Wangsheng Funeral Consultant..? He is quite a handsome man, but is that all? Of course we respect him! It’s just that.. I expected the Creator’s suitor to be an Archon or something. But if that’s what the creator wants, we should respect their choice right?”
The people of Liyue had begun to put the pieces together. No wonder you were always visiting the Funeral Parlor.. wait, were the times that the both of you were spotted together at Iron Tongue Tian’s Stall listening to the telling of old stories.. DATES?? How could they have only just now realized…
Well, now that the news is out at least you can comfortably hold his hand outside of the Parlor! Not everyone is completely happy with this though.. Who might that be? The other archons of course! They all took pride in being among some of the closest beings in Teyvat to you, but now that they weren’t all equally close to you, feelings of jealousy began to rise.
Zhongli secretly felt smug about that though. I mean, of course anyone would. Being the Creator’s lover is probably the biggest flex in all of Teyvat!! Only certain people are able to even be close to the Creator, not to mention TOUCH them. (which are the playable characters.) Oh, and doing affectionate things like lovers do WITH THE CREATOR?? The things people would do to be in Zhongli’s place.
─━━ ꯭  ───ׂ─ִ─  ͜͡✿͜͡  ─ִ──ׂ──  ꯭  ━━ִ─
You and Zhongli were taking a walk in the city of Liyue as you always do. There was a cool breeze and the orange lights coming from the food stalls gave the atmosphere a comfortable, warm feeling. You looked back at Zhongli who had already been staring at you. He’s about to put his arms around you when out of nowhere—
“Your Grace! Fancy seeing you here.. ehe. Are you here for the Lantern Rite? Oh! You should come to the Windblume Festival again! We’ll make sure to make it extraaa special, just for you. Speaking of special— There’s a new wine back in Mondstadt made specially from the freshest dandelio—“
“Hello, Venti.”
“Oh. Hello Mr. Zhongli. Are you busy right now? If not, the Funeral Parlor is calling for you. You should probably go.”
“The Funeral Parlor is closed today, Venti.”
lmao archons actively trying to get you to spend time with them instead of Zhongli. (They can’t stand to see you hugging, holding hands, and doing all kinds of sappy activities with him)
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AGHHH SECOND WRITING EVER!! Had fun ^_^ might do a part 2 with Itto and Xiao (or other characters) feel free to leave recommendations for any other characters!! Likes nd reblogs are much appreciated ^_^
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the-orange-solace · 7 months ago
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When I was a child, I watched an episode of Criminal Minds where a man had a split personality. A woman who killed other women who threatened the man she formed to protect. I remember her sitting in the dark on a couch, a cigarette in hand beside a lamp, as she spoke to an Agent about why she had to kill them, that it was to protect him. It was her entire purpose for existing.
As a child, I used to pace empty halls in the middle of the night and lay in bed, repeating in my mind that I would be the only being in my body. I will not break into multiple people. I will be in control. I have to be because, at the time, I believed I could break into those monstrous plurals you see on TV. The ones that killed their family after years of neglect, abuse, and wrongdoing. The ones you should be afraid of ever becoming, no matter who you are or your situation.
So I became terrified.
And yet, nearly every night, I'd look up at the sky or the ceiling and beg for something to change—to not be alone. I was stuck pretending I was a different character, a type of escapism that sometimes got out of hand, lost in an identity that wasn't my own. Looking up and imagining being taken away, every character I adored was by my side, caring for me in return. I had to keep going, be them, and exist in a world with them.
I'd made up stories, different realities, and places in my mind to escape to, as well as explanations for things my underdeveloped brain couldn't comprehend in the place I found myself within. I clung to concepts, characters, and situations that reflected my own, and soon, I no longer felt alone—not with all the escapism I conjured up, not with the different identities to help me face what was happening.
But I was in control. I was one being. No matter what. I had to be a single being because that was good. I had to be good.
I would never hurt anyone, and being many meant being bad. I couldn't be bad.
When I was a teenager, I started researching and getting involved in minority and disabled spaces. I loved being informed, the stories, the many perspectives, and the complexity of humanity. So it was no surprise when I shared a plural headcanon with a friend, and they felt safe coming out to me. They were many. They took my hand and guided me through a community I was fascinated with and wanted to aid and represent like so many others.
I spent years learning, staying silent as others spoke, just listening to everything I could. But then, one day, like so many others, I spoke through a different facet, a different identity I had created as a child. The many faces of me represented things I could not be, I could not hold, nor could I handle. I was struggling; some of me wanted to lash out. So she did. She lashed out.
As always, I was faced with kindness, listening ears, and aid that then pushed me more to the surface from drowning. But I never left; just another part of me was lost, right? Of course. People are complex. I deal with my emotions in a complex way. Of course.
My plurally disabled friend watched as I became more comfortable speaking through the identities I had, whether they were facets of myself or characters that helped me. Soon enough, the continuous "role-play" and "emotional processing" developed into normal conversation, a comfort, a relief.
They kindly approached me and asked if I was a system, too. They had never met anyone who spoke to themselves like I do, definitely not any singlets. None of our other friends did, in person or not, not even people in our families. It was just us.
The fear from my childhood arose. I couldn't be multiple; I couldn't be more than one. It was bad. But hadn't I learned about Plurality? All its ups and downs? Its complexities and nuances? I accepted it wholeheartedly; I learned and evolved from the demonized perception I was given as a child. So, why was it still bad?
Because I must be lying; I must be a fake, a poser. It was the only reason, wasn't it? I had seen so many conversations and arguments about fakes, those who wished to be special. Had I somehow become the harm they spoke of? How could I do this to a community I swore to listen to and fight for?
I obsessed over it, forcing the panic, dissociation, habit, and ease of speaking in multiple identities and beings of myself away. I buried it as deep as I could for the betterment of everyone else. The community didn't deserve such harm, and I wouldn't bring it to their doorstep if I claimed it to be something I'm not.
The loathing became so present it formed into tics that caused aches and disruptions in my life. Multiple stressors--along with an identity crisis--will do that to someone. So my shoulder and neck muscles ached from shrugging, flexing, and all the repetitive movements I couldn't stop without crying from the suppression. So I didn't. I let it disrupt and hurt.
Then, one day, someone, some random, unknown system to me out in the world, spoke about how it didn't matter what was real or not; it didn't hurt anyone. Plurality and the belief of it didn't hurt anyone. It hurt no one to discover themselves, to test the waters, to simply pry into yourself and learn. There was no shame in figuring yourself, or yourselves, out. There was no right or wrong, nothing to be ashamed of or fearful of. Just another part of living.
So I did. I poked and prodded. I gave my parts names, spoke to them in the middle of the night, asked questions, got to know them, and learned we couldn't talk through words at first but could emotions and sensations. I realized I couldn't find where my Plurality started or where it ended, that we—oh god, we—the idea was so surreal but...comforting—were so combined, living without specific individuality outside of me that there was no separation in sight. Not that I could figure out. For so long, I believed everything was just me. Only me.
But now it was someone else, too. These things that made no sense, these things that felt out of place or special, unique, and ever-changing could be someone else.
Someone else.
The more I reflected, learned, applied, and prodded, the more things made sense. Until one day, I looked at my friends, held my breath, and spoke. Stated that it like it was a sin for me of all people to say.
I was plural.
No one blinked an eye. No one questioned it outside of boundaries and clarification. It wasn't surprising that their childhood friend was many. How surprising could it be when they used so many different names for different parts of themselves to express hard things?
It was astonishing.
And here we are, years and years later, grown and still learning, living, fighting, but more in touch with ourselves than ever before with so many more sys friends and aquatints. More experiences, a better understanding.
It's not shameful to learn, apply, and reflect. You take nothing from anyone but your time and open-minded exploration of the world and yourself(ves). There is no evil in being human, living life, phase or not. There is nothing wrong with you, any of you, for existing or living. You just are. I embrace you, I embrace us, and I embrace everything that comes with a life of many.
So, if you're struggling, just know you're not alone outside the body. We know, and so do many others. It's going to be okay; you'll find yourself in time. Don't rush it. There will always be time.
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maikissed · 3 months ago
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you're why I'm staying
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jude bellingham x reader part two of the previous story: the day I saw your eyes, I stayed LINK
warnings: A LOT of smut, it exhausted me lol
note: I think there will be a part 3 because I want to make some drama...
There was a drunk guy that appeared out of nowhere while you tried to push your way through the crowd on your way out. For a second you though it was Noah, because the posture of your space invader matched his very well, and to add to that, he grabbed your forearm to bring your attention to him. It was not Noah.
“Hi” the man smiled rakishly, but there was nothing charming about that, it was off “Leaving so soon?” he gazed down to the coat you were holding in your other hand “I was hoping for a dance with you, please don’t tell me I’m late”
You begun to feel uncomfortable, but kept your face straight and rather friendly to keep this situation casual.
“Unfortunately I am leaving, so if you’ll excuse me” you graced him a light smile, wondering why the hell he kept on holding onto your arm.
“Come on, one simple dance” he pressed, completely blocking your way.
Now it got tense.
“Get your hand off” you shot, visibly annoyed with his disrespectful attitude.
“There’s no point in being so difficult” his answer agitated you, you took a big breath in, ready to start a mayhem.
“Is everything alright?” a familiar accent reached your ears and you sighed in relief once realizing you might have been saved by Jude in this peculiar situation “Do you know him?” he directed his question to you, before quickly gazing down at the man’s hand still placed on your arm.
“No, I don’t” you spat, snatching your hand from his tight grip. Finally.
“Then why the fuck do think you can put your dirty hands on a woman like that?” Jude’s voice collected and steady while he turned to him, the look on his face very much serious. This looked interesting.
The guy snorted, a weird expression contorted his face while he looked at Jude. Something between hurt pride and a dumb realization. Maybe because he did recognize the face in front of him, or maybe it was the bitter taste of being interrupted and put down.
“Get the fuck outta here” the words harsh and final and you watched as the guy turn away without any last look your way.
You were grateful.
“Thank you” you uttered, feeling desperate for some fresh air.
He followed you out, as it turned out, and you wondered if he was trying to catch up with you, which is why he appeared in such a crucial moment just before, or was he simply leaving to call it a night as well. Without Rose.
“I’ll get you a cab” he proposed and you halted, ready to oppose, walk away as quickly as possible to hide yourself from all the strange confusion you felt “Forgive me if I’ve done something that offended you” and you were silenced when you took in his words.
There was uncommonly many taxicabs and ubers driving around, unlike in others parts of the city. One of the drivers pulled in a second after he waved his hand to call him in. Jude opened the door and awaited for your move.
“It’s alright, I’ll take the tube” why were you trying so hard to stand up to him since he was kind enough to make sure you’ll get home in a quicker and safer way?
“Don’t like the idea” he shook his head, still waiting patiently, not trying to persuade you or impose you a choice, rather standing there with an impression on his face that told you that he knew you would at last enter the cab “Please?”
And you folded, not wanting to bicker with him in front of this club. What surprised you next was the fact that he circled the car and got in as well. So he was being a true gentleman now, making sure for you to get back home without any other critical encounters with strange men trying to lure you, or maybe you just got involved into some kind of game with him, that he has planned very much precisely. You did not dare to ask about others and about Rose. Out of fear and abashment, or maybe it was a worry that you would ruin something that was clearly reserved for the both of you. Perhaps you wanted something and perhaps he wanted it too. Were you a bad person? Were you both? Or maybe it was nothing but pure, and maybe he was in fact being a gentleman.
He looked your way once he got comfortable and you let out a laugh.
“Is it your mission tonight to be my knight in shining armour?” you asked before the driver interrupted you to ask for the destination.
Jude smiled at your question, turning to look outside the window for a moment.
“Is it bothering you?” he murmured “Just say a word and I’ll leave”
That was the last thing you wanted, although you feared the consequences of every other minute spent in his presence. That’s why you ran off the club, that’s why you did not want to take the cab. You were not sure of his intentions, you couldn’t even define your own. This tiny cab, you, him and the taxi driver that appeared to be an obstacle for you somehow. What was so significant that made you so drawn to him? You started to hate the universe to put you in such position.
You said nothing, turning the other way with a little smile on your face, remembering the feeling of his hands roaming the curves of your body, his chest pressed against your back, breathing on your ear and neck.
The road was not long, after a few minutes the driver took a turn to the street where you lived. And of course Jude was the first to step out, walking to your door to open it for you. You almost laughed again when he extended his hand to help you get out. He was an extraordinary specimen. You took his hand, stood up, looked once again closely into his heavenly eyes and uttered out a question that startled you in place.
“Do you want to come in?”
Oh, for fuck sake. The most obvious and open invitation to have sex. What on earth happened to no casual hook-ups? No sex with men you barely known? All it took was to meet a handsome, charming and charismatic boy with the prettiest, darkest eyes that had the capacity to tie you in place and suck out all of your common sense just like that. You were a traitor, he was not yours to have. But you wanted him, so, so bad. To the point of losing sanity. And it was a petrifying feeling.
“I don’t want to interrupt your night any further” he simply stated.
You begun to conclude that the question was very much improper and it was the moment when he cuts you short with rejection. But you spotted a familiar daring smirk on his face and you blushed furiously. Fucker.
You realized he was still holding your hand.
“Oh, but please do” a glint in his eyes at your declaration, barely noticeable, but you saw it.
It was midnight, your steps audible while you strode through the corridors of the apartment building. You started to search for your keys. Nervousness kicking in, because you were not alone and you had no fucking idea how do one play out this situation. What do you do with a boy once you invite him into your house in the middle of the night? You offer him a tea? Drop your dress to the floor as soon as you cross the threshold? And to add to that, you haven’t had sex for almost a year now. You felt skittish as a deer, not like a confident and seductive woman he most likely surrounded himself with.
“Do you want something to drink?” was the first thing that left your mouth after you entered inside.
So the tea option it is. You stood in place for a minute, waiting for his answer or any reaction, but the look on his face while he scanned your whole body, up and down, scared you off, and you quickly stormed off in the direction of the kitchen. Coward. Why were you wasting his time?
He followed you, you could hear. Seemed you did not care anymore for his answer, you just put the kettle on. Trying to keep busy. When you turned around quickly, with two cups in your hands, you unexpectedly collided with his chest, you did not hear him sneak this close. Gasping, you almost dropped the porcelain. He was even taller now after you took off your shoes.
“Have you ever done this before?” he murmured lowly and it took you by surprise how his voice changed and dropped few octaves lower as he spoke now.
“Done what?” you asked timidly.
He reached with his hands to carefully took the cups from your own, placing them on the counter next to you. He did not want the tea, you guessed.
“Invited a man you only met couple of hours ago to your home” his gaze soft but purposeful when he looked down at you.
“No” you answered honestly, wondering how he found it.
He smiled at you then, something in form of delight flashing through his expression. Oh, he liked that answer. Weren’t you a sweet affair? He’s got you where he wanted.
“Then why’d you do it?”
Should you be honest?
“I don’t know” you frowned lightly. What a great fucking answer “Why’d you come?” you asked, still standing close, revelling in his scent that surrounded you, there was something else except the cologne he was wearing “Shouldn’t you be somewhere else now?” you risked it with a shaky breath.
“Were do you think I should be?” he was challenging you.
A moment of silence.
“With Rose” something clutched your insides “She’s more to your taste”
He smirked at you then.
“What’s my taste, y/n?”
It was your time to act amused, as you snickered and looked to your side to hide the bewilderment you were feeling. He was not having it, taking your jaw in his fingers to make you look back at him.
“Is that a serious question?”
“Yes, very much so. Because I’m under the impression that you’ve made some presumptions about me”
You tried to shy from the intensity of his eyes. You looked at his lips, bad decision.
“So?”
You grew annoyed, he was poking you. Pushing you to prove your words.
“Gorgeous face, stunning, light hair, model, long legs, sweet and obedient” you voiced in one breath.
He was drinking in your words, acting captivated.
“Do you think you lack something?” he stepped closer, one of his hands rested on the counter next to you, the one he used to hold your jaw, now travelled lower to your neck, he was gentle, a simple touch. You became aware of the contact of the material of his pants against your inner thigh.
His question amused you.
“Definitely not obedient” you answered softly.
He breathed out a chuckle.
“Definitely not” he nodded with amusement that never left his face “Well, she wasn’t very smart about it, was she?” his voice quieter now, almost whispering “Bringing a girl with her, with a lovely, kind smile, big, sparkling and mysterious eyes, delicate, not greedy touch. Smart, intelligent and elegant, wearing a pretty little black dress that got me staring at her heavenly legs for the whole night. Acting, like she was not staring back at all” he carefully articulated each word, bringing you into a breathless state “And the way she moves while she dances? Sinful”
His thumb now stroking your delicately parted lips, his eyes following the act.
“Are you saying that I seduced you?” you managed to utter. Your voice shaky due to the amount of tension between you, growing thicker with every second.
“Hmm. I believe you did. You’re turning me weak and desperate”
Oh, he was good, he was so fucking good. Death to the morality, decency and common sense. You were more than willing to let him have what he wanted.
“God, you are good at this, aren’t you?” you breathed, staring into his dangerous eyes, feeling like the world around you decreases and anchors in his irises.
And the next thing was very much unexpected, because he leaned in and delicately kissed you on the mouth. Not in a simple and innocent way, not a little peck, soft yet so intimate and erotic that it made you dizzy.
“There’s many more things I’m good at” he whispered against your lips before kissing you again “Let me show you” another kiss.
Oh, oh God. You could feel your legs shake already. Your blood pulsing in your veins. There was wetness gathering in your underwear. Words, he was using words, and you ended up in a state where there appeared a thin line, easily to break for you to fall apart. Too little air to breathe. Too little of him.
“I can make you feel so good” he breathed before kissing you again. This time you could not stop it, a little moan leaving your chest, meating with his lips.
It was like a spur, he stepped forward, pushing you to turn and lean against the kitchen counter. His hands on the both sided behind you. Trapped. Under him, under his intense gaze, his lust. He pushed his mouth on yours, this time the kiss more urgent, lasting, passionate. You reached with your hands to his neck to keep him there, revelling in the softness yet firmness of his lips. His leg sneaking between your legs, you moved against it. Another of your moans kissed away, you were fucking close to peak. Just few more thrusts, you could feel it. A dirtier kiss, his tongue sticking out to swiftly lick and catch your own. You were breathless and dazed. The attraction, the want, the need, everything you felt right now was unfamiliar. An experience so powerful and rousing, you were afraid it could make you go mad. Few more pushes, it felt other-worldly. But he stopped, leaning back, putting his hand on your hip to prevent your movement. You whined in protest, he just smirked.
“I want to kiss you” he declared.
“Then kiss me” your brain fogged, you foolishly tried to lean into him.
He meant something else, you realized after a minute.
“Not there, darling” as he slowly kneeled in front of you.
You swallowed, observing him in this whole new position. Below you, on his knees, the look on his face menacing.
“May I?” he asked, placing his hands under your short dress.
You nodded, and it was enough for him. He reached higher, taking the strings of the thongs you were wearing between his fingers, gently and slowly drawing them down your legs. All this time his eyes were on you. You adored his eyes and the way he looked at you, yes. He hiked up your left leg to put it on his shoulder, with no further delay he pushed the folds of your dress higher. You cried out at the first simple contact. It was madness. You tried holding yourself straight by keeping your hands on the counter behind you, but he pushed his tongue deep inside you and you jumped, one of your hands reached for his head, feeling his hair for the first time. Few more moments, few quick and feverish breaths and you started whining. You were loud. Not obnoxiously loud, just vocal. You knew you wouldn’t last long, grinding on his mouth a little sheepishly, wetness now trailing down your thigh. The sight of him standing up after he was finished, with his chin glistening, using his forearm to wipe it clean was exquisite. You were never familiar with orgasms this quick and powerful. You almost slipped but he caught you.
Now you were even more desperate. So you took him to your bedroom. Reaching with your needy hands to remove his t-shirt, taking a breath when your gaze met with his bare torso. You started to admire his built, well defined muscles, soft, beautiful, dark skin. He noticed your stare and you smiled playfully at his reaction. He was so handsome. Then he was kissing you again.
“I want this dress off” he muttered lowly and you sweetly batted your eyelashes at him before taking a step back to grant him his wish.
“And I want you on the bed” he added.
You left your stockings on, partly forgetting about them at first, then making your mind about leaving them to add to your seductive appearance. He seemed to approve it, as you could conclude from the way he was observing the whole act of you gently sitting down on the bed, putting your legs up elegantly, then laying down to lewdly part them for his eyes to see everything. You could notice him suck in a breath. You were truly affecting him in a way you would never expect. What was it that made you so special? There were girls of sorts in this world, and he could have them all. Just the thought of it thrilled you. Now it was him that grew desperate, hurriedly tossing the belt aside, pulling the pants off.
“I thought you’d make a show out of it” you joked.
“I’m too hard for that, love”
You giggled and he was quick to join you. Once more you felt the excitement hit you strong when you had him close. So you kissed him. There was no place for playing and teasing now, you opened up widely for him, there was urge and desperation. A sharp sting when he entered you, a sure and swift move, accented by your whimper. He groaned throatily, feeling you coat him. You needed a moment, a moment for a few breaths. It’s been a while.
“Be good. Don’t wanna bust too fast” his voice breathy.
You looked him in the eyes, kissed him briefly and then pulled away, focusing on flexing the kegel muscles to hug him while buried deep inside of you. And you achieved your goal spectacularly, making him curse under his breath, a sweet frown on his face.
“Oh, you mean don’t do that?” in a soft and innocent voice.
He moved.
“You’re sweet” rough thrust.
“Ah!” you cried, not being prepared to be so sensitive and responsive at this point.
“Sweet girl, wanna be smart with me” thrust.
His words messier now, less coherent. You were so full, already grasping at his shoulders, you legs locking him in, your belly tensing, seeking pleasure yet still trying to accustom to the prominent feeling radiating from between your legs.
“Tell me how you want it” he whispered against your parted lips.
“Gentle”
“Oh, I think you like it opposite” another sharp snap of his hips.
Another whine filling the room. You loved it.
“Come on, kiss me” he asked.
Never before you have experienced this much talking during sex, your partners mostly fixated on the part that brought them the awaited release. This was new, exciting to you, adding to every other strong sensation you felt at this very moment.
You opened your mouth for him to ravish you further, his tongue still precise when he kissed you, while you started to turn sloppy. He sped his movements up, your senses now only focused on it. Too dazed and intoxicated you could not find any strength to kiss him back anymore, letting him take control over everything, sighing little moans into his mouth. You writhed under him after you heard him moan into your ear. You clenched around him, now uncontrollably, dangerously close to fall apart.
“Oh no baby, not yet” he murmured sneaking an arm around your middle, pulling you up with him.
You sighed, your hair falling in messy waves on your back, shoulders and face, you did not care about fixing them. Now you were seated on top of him, almost worn out already, placing your hands on his shoulders to keep yourself straight. You opened your heavy lids to notice him watching you attentively. Hooded eyes, lips parted, a little bit of sweat on his temple, you were mesmerized. Putting one of his hands behind him, he reached with the other to wrap it around your middle, however you had other ideas. He gave you the perfect opportunity to take control. You wanted to bound him to you and it was possible through a very simple feminine spell – to put him down and strip him from all the power he believed he possessed.
“Lay down on your back” you murmured gingerly, placing your palm on his chest. Like a plea, he enjoyed your softness and delicacy. You were about to give him more taste of that. What happens if he can’t be in charge?
He did as you said and the lovely sight before your eyes was enlivening. A powerful shot of rapture awoke more confidence in you. His hands reached up to grasp your hips but you snapped them away.
“Don’t” you warned.
His chuckle was almost dark.
“You want to be in control, huh?”
“Shut up”
“Yeah, go on, love. I wanna see you movin” he was amused.
You were going to wipe that smirk off his face. The first roll of your hips slow and careful, simple, the next one more purposeful. You smiled playfully before circling your hips on your way back. Slow, tantalizingly slow, back and forward, back and forward. You were watching him, observing how his face changed when you sped up only to slow down again. A groan and a delicate pout appearing on his face immediately. His hands resting on your thighs, you were careful. Innocent eyes, a soft moan leaving his lips, a honeyed sound. You even caught his belly tensing. Oh, you got him.
“Do you like that?” you asked sweetly “Do you like how I’m fucking you, Jude? Are you close?”
No words from him, he just groaned in frustration trying to reach for your hips. You slapped them away again. Lowering your body you thought about kissing him. His mouth turning sloppier now, the contact was all tongue and saliva. He pushed his hips up into you, making you moan.
“That’s enough” he rasped as you leaned back. He grabbed your hips roughly and you prepared yourself for the upcoming ferocity.
A giggle died in your throat as he fucked up into you, holding you strong, his fingers digging almost painfully into your skin.
It was your name he called. Yet it was too late and you were too tired to realize what you have done.
-
special tag @madridfangirl
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corseque · 8 days ago
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I honestly just wanted one single plot step that I could not predict given the 10 year wait. More behind the cut, I talk about Emet too, and I'm comparing his writing favorably to Solas' writing and why it worked better for me personally, but I am just talking about the writing skill that went into the games and not the dudes themselves, I love them both dearly of course. idk this is a mess and I am not going to edit it for clarity
For me, the game was a series of me saying
"ok I knew that. cool."
"oh yeah, I knew that. I guess it's good that the larger fandom knows about that now."
"nice, but yeah I already knew that too"
"that was something we've been talking about a lot for years"
"this thing they are acting like is a huge enormous reveal that the characters could not possibly have deduced through simply thinking about it in depth over the 10 years... the fans easily figured out by thinking about it in depth 10 years ago. So you would think his girlfriend would be able to figure it out more easily than we did. Like, why couldn't the game have been like 'oh lavellan already figured that out a while ago' it would have cost them nothing"
"this is something I've been thinking about for years, and now that it's being revealed, the companions' reactions to it are very irritating and jarring and unnecessary and I really dislike the experience I'm having right now, in this, the hour of my greatest triumph"
"this thing that is happening on my screen right now is something that I wrote an essay about 2 years ago describing how it would be a letdown if it happened without the correct setup"
"this way that they're characterizing Solas makes him less likable and less interesting than I have been finding him for all these years, and I have had people tell me 'no, he's simpler than you think' for years but I guess I was wrong, he really is simpler than I thought, so that fucking sucks. I wish I could take that information out of my brain."
"this thing is a retcon of information I have been thinking about for 10 years, and so I don't know how to follow along with this new direction, and I'm not sure if I even want to because it's not particularly interesting anyway"
"aw that was sweet"
"why is it like, so very impossible to have an honest back-and-forth with my favorite character about the dilemma that was most interesting to me about the previous game"
and then, as soon as, like, the other fans had caught up to the Solas lore that was really obvious from the other games, the game was.... over without anything surprising happening, or introducing a new element or plot point or perspective, or a real true twist (or two, or three) for those of us who have thought about it too hard for too long. It was very simple and easy, much, much, much, much easier than I was imagining. It all felt sort of like that Nicholson quote:
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The thing was, the whole story was so interesting to think about because in 10 years, I couldn't figure out a good solution to it!!!!! It's why I was never able to write post-game fanfic about it. So I was stoked to find out some reveal we never knew about, some new information, in maybe a SERIES of steps of new information, that made the situation more complicated but also something that could be navigated by everyone involved. I know it was asking for a lot, but they had TEN YEARS, and they seemingly had set up the things they did in DAI on purpose, so surely they had some idea of a complex and satisfying narrative that would reconcile everyone.
The reason why I was expecting this is because FFXIV did a very similar story arc, which was started AND concluded WITHIN those 10 years (so it took the FFXIV team far less time to deliver as well). And the conclusion to the story in FFXIV did what I was expecting Dragon Age to do. So I thought, "holy shit, if this is the FFXIV version of this plot, how much more complicated is DA4 going to be!?!?" The DA devs also PLAYED FFXIV so they were completely aware, several years ago, of a satisfying story ending that was pretty darn similar.
People are probably going to think "oh, well Chelsea was disappointed because she spent too much time building it up in her head" but that's exactly it - I actually speculated and thought about FFXIV's story IN DEPTH NONSTOP for a year+ before its ending came out, and the ending absolutely blew me away. FFXIV Endwalker managed to introduce information and new story elements that I was not able to figure out in the YEAR I spent speculating on the ending of FFXIV's story. It took a complicated situation and revealed several several more facets to it that I was not able to predict, but were very interesting and thematically compelling, and took us all to surprising and climactic places that we could not have predicted.
Endwalker ("end" is in the title on purpose) too, was written to be THE ULTIMATE SATISFYING ENDING for a very long-running story in the exactly way that Veilguard SHOULD HAVE for Dragon Age, so while this complexity is being explored, FFXIV also gave catharsis to many different plot threads that have been built up through the previous expansions, until finally it ends with a bang. The story is desperately good to me, I loved it, it gave me closure for Dragon Age long before Veilguard was even revealed, and going back and looking at its story has made this whole thing far less painful for me.
So, I actually did not have a picture in my mind for how things SHOULD go. I just had the thought "I hope it's complicated and there are points of view or facts that we haven't before been exposed to, and the situation is resolved respectfully for Solas, not making him look like a fucking idiot (lol, the only thing I asked for). I don't even care what happens to Solas and Lavellan, I just need the story to be complicated and interesting to think about. Please, god, don't let it be "solas is wrong and he just needs to be convinced" because that's like the simplest story you could tell with this setup"
(btw they managed to tell Emet-Selch's story without making him seem like he's being an idiot on purpose or can never get anything right, and in fact the more the story goes on, the more you think of him as smart and capable and cool, so it is possible to write.... I wasn't asking for the entire moon)
And I played it and... yeah. Most of the story beats were more simple than I wanted them to be, a lot of them didn't make sense in my heart given the writing from Inquisition. (This is another essay, but if Solas' thematic story arc was always about him needing to let go of regrets, why was his personal quest the way it was? After that quest, doesn't he end up regretting not doing more....? Why did he never really talk about regret during Inquisition? If he was so trapped by regret, why was he able to do so many actions? It doesn't mesh well to me. The whole regret thing was very quarter-baked to me, I don't even like thinking about it.) His story never seemed like one that was as simple as being about one man's regrets, but then, I guess, it was always just about one man's regrets.
Emet-Selch's personal storyline (and the way it interacts with and affects the larger story) is very similar but much more cohesive and satisfying to me. It would be difficult to explain why without the aforementioned 5-hour essay. Emet-Selch's story IS about grief and anguish on a world-shaping scale in a similar way that Solas' was apparently always about letting go of regret, but Emet's story was also very pointedly and beautifully about that one theme for the entirety of his story from every tiny detail, from beginning to end - meanwhile, it seemed to me that they tried to introduce 'regret' as the main thrust of Solas' story only in the short story with the Regret demon onward.
From Inquisition just by itself, the closest I personally could get to a story theme for Solas was his inability to trust others hurting him and the world, but his trusting others in DA4 wasn't really addressed to my satisfaction. He is never required to trust anyone before the ending, he never opens up or makes himself vulnerable at all. People find out information about him, he never really dynamically opens himself. So the personal story I thought he had was never addressed at all, while a new one about regret was introduced that never made a ton of sense to me. And I don't think this is just because of my expectations - my reaction to FFXIV proves that I am able to meet good writing where it goes in surprising directions, as long as it's interesting and thoughtful and clear.
And I think this might be part of what people felt was off about the ending - Solas is sort of uninvolved in the revelations that are about him, and doesn't do much to be part of his own ending. Part of what I loved about Solas in Inquisition is that he is not controlled by you in any way, and so he feels like his own person with a very strong sense of character.
Anyway, Emet-Selch, in a very comparable and arguably more extreme plot position, is very involved in the revelations about himself, he always feels like a very strong character who cannot be affected by the player, and the whole situation is handled with deft emotion and care and delicacy. The story is comparatively very uninterested in litigating Emet-Selch or putting him on trial - the story allows you to simply feel the way that you feel in an organic way, and Emet's story spends that energy instead actually exploring his thematic material about grief and legacy, and the larger story theme of existentialism instead, in a way that is very refreshing and interesting. I've seen a lot of western stories tie themselves in knots over "redemption" and frankly it's almost never been interesting at all. Who cares about any of that. lol
(Now, I guess this is a matter of preference, because some people really like being able to shape a character's story, but idk I rewatched the ending of FFXIV and even though there wasn't a choice with Emet, because it isn't a branching story, his story felt more satisfying to me, maybe because there isn't a patronizing choice to be made for him. He is who he is, and he fulfills a very beautiful narrative role and purpose that no other character could in the story.)
I don't know how this could have been improved to me and still allowed players to choose Solas' ending for him, but I can actually think of a few different methods, none of which involve Rook condescendingly and patronizingly lecturing Solas as if Solas had never thought about a single aspect of this horrible situation he's in before that very moment that Rook lectures him lmfao.
All this to say... idk I'm writing this and I am not going back to edit it so it's stream-of-consciousness. But yeah
I just wanted the story to be complicated on a few more levels than I could have predicted. I genuinely don't care what happened, but I thought of a few twists like the Veil coming down and yeah, I was expecting A Single Twist or reveal to happen. In a Dragon Age game.
I wanted Solas to seem cool and capable and noble and smart, and actually feel like he was as old and experienced as he is.
I wanted a clear theme I could sink my teeth into
Like notice I didn't even say anything about Solavellan. Like I never in 100 years thought they were getting a happy ending where they were both alive in bodies, and I like that we got that, but I would honestly trade it for a more complicated story. To me, if a story is sad you can always write fanfic, but if a story isn't COMPLICATED, that's a much more urgent issue.
These 3 things DA4 didn't give me in a way that satisfied me but FFXIV did. anyway idk the way my hyperfixations work, I completely switch to a new subject so talking about Dragon Age is actually hard for me right now.
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pastryfication · 7 months ago
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rivalling teams | oscar piastri
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a bit of a part one to this. thank u for the idea @insunia 🫶
pairing: oscar piastri x williams employee!reader
summary: the story of how it came to be that a member of logan’s team went on a date with a mclaren driver, and all the hardships you had to face because of your different team colours.
warnings: james vowles being a dick
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working in formula 1 had always been your dream, and landing a job as a data analyst for the williams f1 team was that dream come true.
but the thrill of joining such a prestigious team was quickly ruined by the nervousness you felt as you stood outside of the doors on your first day. you were younger and less experienced than almost all other employees and you felt a sense of segregation as you first entered the team.
luckily for you, you were starting at the same time as logan sargeant; a young and talented driver who was also new to the team.
from your first day at williams, logan and you formed a quick bond. both of you were fresh out of adolescent, very ambitious, and more than eager to prove yourselves. the shared experience of being newcomers provided a foundation for a strong friendship and you often found yourselves working late into the night together, enjoying each others company immensely.
it happened one day, after a particularly grueling week, that logan invited you to join him for a casual dinner.
"you need a break," he had said, flashing his characteristic grin. "and i want you to meet an old friend of mine."
curious and eager for some downtime, you had agreed, and you soon found yourself following logan to a small, cozy restaurant.
the old friend he had wanted you to meet was oscar piastri, and you found yourself extremely grateful for logan when you realised that his fellow driver and longtime friend was charming, with a warm smile and a twinkle in his eye that made you feel at ease instantly.
the evening turned into night, and you found yourself drawn to oscar. while he had seemed closed of at first, you had soon realised that wasn’t really the case. the three of you talked for hours, and by the end of the night, oscar asked if he could see you again.
over the next few weeks, you and oscar started dating. he was thoughtful and kind, always making time for you despite his hectic schedule. your relationship blossomed quickly, and you cherished every moment together, even though you had to keep it discreet. you had no idea what the reactions of your employers would be, but you were both nervous to find out.
and find out you did, because the secrecy didn't last long. the williams team found out about your relationship, and the reaction was less than favorable. one afternoon, you were called into a meeting with your boss.
"we've heard about your relationship with oscar piastri," james began, his tone stern as he looked at you. "it's causing concern within the team. we need your full commitment here, without any distractions."
you felt your heart sink at the words. “my relationship isn’t affecting my job, i can assure you of that—“
“i’m not sure i can trust you to do your best for the team while being involved with a rivalling driver.” he interrupted you.
his tone made you feel like a misbehaved kid and you looked down to avoid his gaze. "are you asking me to choose between my job and my relationship?"
he nodded, his expression unyielding. "unfortunately yes, we are."
the news left you devastated and confused. you loved your job and had worked so hard to get there, but you also cherished your relationship with oscar. torn and unsure of what to do, you confided in logan later that day.
"this isn't fair," logan said, frustration evident in his voice. "why should you have to choose? they should be happy for you, not punishing you."
oscar was equally furious as soon as he heard about the situation. "they can't make you choose," he insisted. "we can make this work without affecting your job."
determined to support you and keep what felt like his only friend on the team, logan decided to take matters into his own hands. he arranged a meeting with the team management, his confidence unwavering.
"she’s a valuable asset to this team," logan argued passionately. "her work is impeccable, and she’s extremely committed—even with how negative everything seems right now. it’s not fair to ask her to choose between her job and her relationship."
his words seemed to surprisingly resonate with the management, who began to see the unfairness of their request, and after some deliberation, they agreed to let you stay, recognizing your contributions to the team and the dedication you had shown.
you had never been so grateful before, and the gratitude you showed logan almost made your boyfriend jealous. he couldn’t be though. not when he was just as thankful towards his american friend.
as your relationship continued to flourish, you and oscar found ways to navigate the challenges of your respective careers. sneaking away to see each other on the weekends and convincing the team to let you stay in his hotel room, you cherished every second you got together while still being careful to maintain professionalism at the track.
despite the continued subtlety of your relationship, he relentlessly supported you through the challenges of your job, always there to listen and offer advice, and you did the same for him. the bond you shared deepened, filled with late-night talks, shared dreams and a love that felt completely unshakable.
one evening, after a particularly grueling day, oscar takes you out for a quiet dinner. he holds your hand across the table, his eyes filled with warmth. “i’m proud of you,” he says softly. “for everything you’ve handled, for standing strong.”
you smile, squeezing his hand. “i couldn’t have done it without you.” thinking for a moment, you add: “or logan.”
oscar chuckles at your words. “yeah, he’s been quite amazing too.”
after dinner, you join logan for a movie night, a tradition that started when you first joined the team. as the movie plays, you sit nestled against oscar, logan on the other side of the couch. at one point, logan looks over, pretending to be annoyed.
“you know,” he says with mock exasperation, “i really don’t want to be the third wheel here.”
you laugh, reaching over to nudge him playfully. “sorry, logan. but you’re stuck with us. it’s your own fault, really.”
he grins, shaking his head. “yeah, yeah. just don’t get too cozy over there.”
as the movie continues, you feel a deep sense of contentment. despite the challenges, you’ve found a way to balance your job and your relationship with oscar, thanks to logan’s unwavering support and your own determination. the three of you have become a close-knit team, navigating the highs and lows of the racing world together.
in those quiet moments, surrounded by the people who mean the most to you, you realize that no matter what obstacles come your way, you’ll face them with courage and love. with oscar (and logan) by your side, you can conquer anything.
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throneofsapphics · 8 months ago
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Imagine being rhysands partner for centuries and having to wait for him in court while he’s under the mountain? Just to find out that the very day he is set free, he also mated with Feyre, the human girl that saved everyone? Perhaps he doesn’t tell her right away but over hears it after some time? Or Confronts him of how he treats her so differently from her? Asking why and confront how he acts now and he just blows up and says it? You choose!
like the stories
Rhys x Reader
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Summary: Reuniting with Rhys isn't what you'd hoped for.
Warnings: mentions of drinking, angst
A/N: Thank you for the request!!
part two
Every day you waited. Not with the perfect, flawless, selfless i’ll-wait-a-thousand-years energy. Yes, you would wait a thousand years or longer, but certainly not patiently and there was a fair amount of cursing, screaming, and occasional binge drinking involved to cope. 
Regardless, all you could do was wait, all you could do was your best to ignore the piece of you missing, the pain of that absence never abated, if anything it grew stronger over time. Until you had to rely on portraits to remember the exact detail of his face, until you couldn’t remember if he was citrus and sea or citrus and storms. 
The stories, at least the ones you’ve read, only talk about the happy reunions. They never touch on the pain and misery of the separation. 
Night after night you dreamed of a reunion. A few times you’d woken with tears in your eyes, the reunion dreams feeling more like a nightmare. 
“I don’t want you anymore,” his voice was flat and so unlike him your chest ached. 
“What did she do to you?” you whispered. That had to be the reason, she must’ve gotten into his head. The male you knew and fell in love with wouldn’t …
“She,” he spat, voice rising, “didn’t do anything.” 
‘You, you, you.’ Rhys wasn’t in your mind, but the word echoed in his voice.
-
Mor, your closest friend and confidant, had to threaten to physically restrain you, to keep you from making your way right to the mountain, right to him.
“He’ll be back soon,” she said, voice hoarse. Half a promise, half a plea to the mother. 
“He … he told you?” Your voice was low, quiet, disbelieving. 
“He didn’t tell you?” 
The world tightened around you, the air feeling dense, suffocating, too much. You saw Mor’s lips moving but couldn’t hear anything. 
Like a bad omen, you felt his presence again, for the first time in nearly fifty years. 
Mor’s eyes glazed, she glanced at you, lips moving in some kind of promise you didn’t hear before she winnowed away. 
48 hours and he hadn’t graced you with his presence. Some kind of protagonist you were, you glanced at the bookshelf full of romance books, not very gracious and kind and understanding. The books had it wrong, you’d decided. 
You knew his experience had been traumatic, and yours had been minimal in comparison, but you’d still suffered, hadn’t you? Still waited anxiously every night, not entirely sure he would return. Stuck in Velaris. 
It took 72 hours. 
Rhys stood across the room, watching you with something like longing and grief. 
Barely fighting the urge to sprint and close the gap, you stopped a few feet away from him. His shoulders were tight, entire body taut, looking as if his muscles might snap at any second. 
You held your arms open, letting him come to you. It seemed like the right thing to do. 
One. Two. Three … Fifteen seconds before he closed the gap. 
A three second hug. 
You swallowed your disappointment. There’s no saying what he’d been through, and you’d only heard rumors. Perhaps it was wrong of you to assume he’d want any kind of physical touch. 
“I missed you,” 
“I missed you too,” the reply was too quick and missing the usual ‘love,’ or ‘darling’ on the end. 
You could tell when you weren’t wanted somewhere, and took the hint. “I’m sure you have plenty to do,” you murmured. 
He nodded. 
Gods this was miserable. 
You managed to excuse yourself with minimal extra embarrassment, and saved the tears for when you’d left the vicinity completely. 
-
“A mate,” you whispered. Screaming didn’t feel right, it didn’t encompass the pure betrayal running through you. “When were you going to tell me?” Instead you had to overhear Mor and Cassian speaking of it. You kept going when he didn’t reply to you. “I thought you had more respect for me than that, I thought I meant more than that to you.” 
“How could you compare to a mate?” 
The words were stagnated, awkward, didn’t quite fit as a response to your statements and you knew he was just voicing his thoughts. 
You understood what the stories meant now, when they said your heart dropped to your stomach. 
Mouth opening, you didn’t need to be a daemati to read the words about to leave his lips, the backtracking. 
One hand held up, his mouth snapped shut. Another time, another situation, you might have laughed at how easily you exercised that small bit of control over him. 
The corner of your mouth tilted in a not quite cruel but not quite kind expression. 
“Thank you for telling me how you feel,” you said flatly, adding “Rhysand,” emphasizing the last letter. 
Irritation and hurt flashed across his beautiful features. Wanting the last word, you chose to stride through the doors, but paused to make sure they shut gently. He’d always hated slammed doors, and you couldn’t bring yourself to go that far. 
Like the novels, where the protagonist gets her temporary revenge. Temporary. The pain will come later, but for now … you glanced at the nearest clock. Just before ten, Rita’s would be open for hours yet and you were a single female now. 
Unlike the novels, he never came after you. 
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hanjisungslag · 8 months ago
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attack on titan headcanons #12
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synopsis: saying i love you for the first time ♡
characters involved: eren, mikasa, armin, sasha, connie, jean, reiner, annie, bertolt, levi, erwin & hange
notes: i bought a new jeans album for the first time & i got 5 photo cards?! (i got haerin btw)
☆ eren jaeger - he said it first
oh he always knew, he just refused to admit it. even if he admitted he liked you and maybe you even started dating, which is great and all but LOVING you was a different story. he didn’t know what’d he do if he lost you. however, it’s you. he couldn’t keep it locked away for that long! he spilled the beans in the midst of a conversation and you, of course, said it back.
“so, yeah! i was just sitting there though, i didn’t do anything.”
“y/n?”
“yeah…?”
“i love you”
your jaw dropped to the floor and you stuttered trying to get your words out “i-i love you too, eren! oh my god.”
☆ mikasa ackerman - you said it first
she already told you in a million other ways minus using her words. you knew, she knew, everyone knew!! she would rather show her love through her actions or even a hand squeeze here and there - you needed to be the one to actually say it.
you walked into your room to find mikasa folding your clothes “mikasa, you don’t need to do that for me!”
“but, i want to” she smiled at you
“aww, well thank you.” you gave her a kiss on the cheek “i love you.”
☆ armin arlert - he said it first
oh my gosh, you were so close to telling him until he blurted it out! he knew he loved you but he wanted to wait a while, he felt like he was maybe moving too fast and then he said it and then it was like omg i didn’t mean to, this is really awkward— but, you reassured him that you felt the exact same 🤍
“i love you!” armin suddenly blurted out
“i-i mean… sorry, that was probably too soon. this is going to be awkward now isn’t it? god, i’m sorry, if you want to leave i understand-”
you placed a finger over his lips and giggled “armin, i feel the exact same way. i promise. i was even gonna say it first but you beat me to it!!”
☆ jean kirsten - he said it first
he was sooo nervy! he’s such a romantic boy deep down and he was never quite sure if it was like or if it had turned to love yet until it hit him one day. you guys were just going about your usual day but for some reason, you were even more captivating that day - in the way you walked, the way you talked, something about you just made jean MELT. that’s when he knew :’).
jean was mesmerised by you today, he was non-stop staring even when you were talking to other people. you strutted your way over to your boyfriend
“well, hello” he said
you giggled “what’s up with you today?”
“just… i love my partner.”
your eyes widened and jean giggled “l-love…? well, me too! of course, i love you!”
☆ connie springer - you said it first
he was so confused and scared about these big feelings. he didn’t wanna ruin anything for him nor you and just gahhh! he felt so silly asking anyone about it as well because when you love someone, surely you know? and he did know. he was just scared. you specifically told him on a date, you guys watched the stars and you confessed. he was so relieved to hear those words and his worries suddenly went away, as well.
the air was just crisp enough and the stars were looking particularly shiny that night so what better time to confess your love for your boyfriend than right now!
“that cloud looks like booty cheeks”
you laugh “wow connie, you’re so romantic.”
“sorry” he giggled
“but that’s what i like about you. no, it’s what i love about you. i love you, connie”
“y-you do?” he sat up “oh my god, y/n! i love you too!”
☆ sasha braus - she said it first
honestly, sasha is not the type of girl to let the world that you guys live in get here down! she’d rather live her life to the fullest with friends, family, food and now, you. on a random thursday, she just felt like saying that she loved you. so, she did.
“y/n, i have something to confess.”
you stopped whatever you were up to “okay… is it bad?” you asked nervously
“oh god, no!” sasha reassured you “i just wanted to say… i love you!” she opened her arms wide
you ran to embrace her immediately “sasha! where did this come from? i mean- i love you too.”
☆ reiner braun - he said it
he knew. oh, he knew BIG TIME. but obviously, he had his whole back and forth situation with being a solider vs being a warrior… and the other two, bertolt and annie, had to remind him why they were there. he was also thinking, how the flip did he not only get a partner when they’re the devil but now he’s fallen IN LOVE? he tried his very best to contain his feelings but he couldn’t one day because when you were talking, your eyes looked too pretty and he just said it.
“then me and her got chased allll through town!” you were telling reiner a story, you laughed at your old antics and your eyes were sparkling.
reiner couldn’t hold it in anymore, he laughed and said “god, i love you.”
☆ bertolt hoover - you said it
he was sooo happy and so mushy about you when he realised but he got his booty whipped back into warrior mode and then he had the same reaction as reiner. like what has he actually gotten himself into. he really really tried to bottle it up and he did, but then you confessed. honestly, bro forgot he was from marley for a solid 6 months, he was on such a high.
“so what did you want to talk about, y/n..?” bertolt asked, clearly nervous
“i just wanted to say…” you couldn’t help but smile and finally say “i love you!”
bertolt began to tear up and all he could do was embrace you “you do? you really do? of course, i do too. i love you, a lot actually.”
☆ annie leonhart - you said it
she bottled that shit TF UP! she, unlike the two dull boys she came with, recognised that she loved you but knew she had a job to do, unfortunately. if it was up to her, she’d drag you back to marley and live happily ever after with you (and her dad, ofc). but, of course, you said it. she was obviously estatic but also like, ffs why would you say that😭. made her life A LOT happier but also a bit more difficult…
“annie, i love you.” you said with a rather nervous look on your face, you weren’t sure she would say it back but you couldn’t hold it back any longer.
she stared at you, blankly for a while until she burst into a wide smile and she scoffed “y/n. i love you too.”
you guys hugged and little did you know, annie’s smile quickly faded as reality hit her. what was she meant to do now?
☆ levi ackerman - you said it first
so incredibly terrified. he felt his feelings for you growing stronger everyday but in turn, so did his urge to breakup with you BUT, that was purely because he wanted you to be safe. everyone he has ever loved had died and nothing could prepare him for the pain like you dying would cause. in the end, you did confess to him one day. he wept, he wept and he wept in your arms. just knowing someone loved him enough to admit it, brought him to tears. the fact that you loved him! and he loved you!! but also, there was still that horribly worrying thought in the back of his mind, but he will leave it in the back of his mind for this moment.
“i love you.” three words levi always wanted to hear but made him so scared. he fell into your arms and cried, between his cries he managed to sniffle out;
“i love you too, y/n.”
☆ erwin smith - both admitted it
you guys are just like, spiritually connected. you decided on the same day to confess that you loved each other, it was such a memorable moment for the both of you. it was on your annual date night that you guys had every fortnight and erwin chose to tell you he loved you this day because he likes to be a bit extra for you ;).
erwin grabbed your hands “y/n…”
“erwin…” you replied, “i have something to tell you” he confessed
“so do i…” you both looked at each other, confused “say it on three?” you suggested and erwin nodded. you both counted and said
“i love you!” this caused you both to burst out into laughter, what a coincidence.
☆ hange zoë - they said it first
genuinely almost proposed to you😭. hange takes you and being in love with you, very seriously. it’s like a full time job for them - but in a good way, duh. they wanted to make it fun and special, though.
you and hange were the only ones left out on the training grounds which, of course meant, you had to play tag. you both chased and ran, and did a lot of laughing until you both fell from exhaustion.
as you both caught your breath, hange wrote something in the ground - “i love you, y/n.”
you looked at them and they had this wide smile… they proceeded to say “i love you, y/n!” you smiled back at them and of course said “i love you too, hange!” you both laughed.
hange then proceeded to jump on you and scream “NOW LETS GET MARRIEDDD”
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dem0batz · 15 days ago
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Curiosity Killed the Kitten
Sylus x MC // Love and Deepspace
Author's Note: First I was horny about Caleb's return, but catching up on the lore has me in my feelings. No smut, just emotional hurt/comfort with Sylus. All of my LADS fics take place in the same universe and is a connected story which means MC is romantically involved with ALL 5 love interests. This is just me trying to put the pieces together that we get in the game and applying it how I think makes sense in MC's situation.
Summary: After going to Skyhaven for an undercover mission and learning that Caleb is alive and well, as well as discovering some unsettling information about the Farspace Fleet and his role in it, MC returns home to Linkon City. All of the men in her life are concerned about her sudden unexpected vacation, but Sylus most of all does not accept the flimsy excuses of her brief disappearance. Content Warnings: Reverse Harem/Why Choose (MC is with all five love interests in my au), afab!MC, she/her!MC, tracking device without MC's consent, canon-typical Sylus stalking, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff Word Count: ~2600 words | Read on AO3 | Chapter List
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Since returning to Linkon City after your extended “vacation” in Skyhaven, you have felt an uneasiness settling in your gut. You should be over the moon that your long-dead brother wasn’t dead after all but everything about Caleb seemed… off.
There were still traces of the boy you remember. He still doted on your every need. Was still over protective in the most annoying ways and still used humor and guilt to soften your irritation. He had never been straight forward with you, always willing to do whatever he needed to protect you even if it meant keeping you in the dark. So the fact that he deflected most of your suspicious questions concerning the practices of the Farspace Fleet was not a surprise, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that he had lied right to your face about many of the things he did answer, which was new.
He had always seemed a little haunted to you; like there were things he wasn’t saying or couldn’t say and that hadn’t changed, but the depth of it now seems insurmountable. What was it they said about gazing into the abyss? Well now, often times when Caleb looked at you, you felt the abyss gazing back. Like your caring brother was gone and the cold officer he had become was steering the wheel. You couldn’t decipher where Caleb began and the Colonel ended.
While in Skyhaven, you hadn’t received any of messages and had connectivity issues with the wifi. Initially, you had reasonably blamed the shoddy signal on the fact that you were in a city in the sky and that the near-constant storms were to blame, but after uncovering some suspicious information about Caleb’s new life, you were no longer convinced it was a mere accident. Which left you to believe either the Fleet had more of an influence on Skyhaven than anyone suspected, despite what their public policies claimed, or Caleb himself had intentionally isolated you. Both were concerning and likely had some truth to them, but the former was more painful to think about.
Your phone had been buzzing nearly non-stop since coming back to the city, updating with message after message. Messages from Xavier about hot pot and confusion about your sudden approved vacation days that you never mentioned taking; Rafayel feigning danger, saying he needed his bodyguard to come and check on him asap; Zayne concerned that he hadn’t heard a word from you after Mia’s unfortunate death and insisting you check in with him as soon as you are able.
They had been relatively easy to appease for now. You informed them all you had just returned home and would make sure to see them in the coming days— you just needed one day to sort through your thoughts and feelings about the Caleb situation. Besides, what were you supposed to say? I didn’t actually go on vacation because I went on a solo undercover mission for the Association connected to the explosion of my grandmother’s house just to find my long-dead brother/sort of ex-boyfriend is actually alive and well, and is now one of the top ranking leaders of the Farspace Fleet who may be involved in some unethical practices because I had one conversation with a little boy whom they had been searching for and he seemed to have a complete personality change in the two days after his sister’s death?
It wasn’t exactly something that could be explained in a text message.
Needless to say, your men were worried about you, but Sylus most of all. Though his messages where a lot more direct in their efforts to get to the bottom of your disappearance. They started off playful enough in their probing, but the longer you were gone, the more insistent they became.  
Mr. Crow: Mephisto reported that you packed a bag. A big one. Where are we going? 
Mr. Crow: Now he says you boarded a shuttle. Why would you do that when you have a helicopter in the N109 at your disposal?
Mr. Crow: Your return date is a week from now. Did you go on vacation without me, kitten? You never mentioned a work trip.
Mr. Crow: I know you’re a busy big time hunter but it’s unlike you to ignore my messages like this, sweetie.
Mr. Crow: Mephisto lost you. The twins can’t find you either.
Mr. Crow: Where are you?
Mr. Crow: You disappeared on me and I’m worried. This isn’t like you.
Mr. Crow: I’m very unhappy with you right now.
Mr. Crow: You can’t hide forever, kitten…
You knew without a shadow of a doubt that Sylus saw the moment you returned to the city because your mechanical bird companion was tailing you again. You hadn’t intentionally slipped his detail or left Sylus hanging during your leave. It was no secret that the Onichynus leader kept watch of you and it had actually become a welcome security over the months since you began seeing one another.
It should have struck you as odd that Sylus didn’t hunt you down during your two week stay in Skyhaven but the truth was you had been hit with near constant surprises in the floating city that you had no time to think about anything but what was happening in that moment. But now that you were away and had space to think, you were left to wonder why Sylus never came for you. Why you were able to be imprisoned on a military fleet ship against your will and your mighty crime boss didn’t track you down and bust you out.
Your phone buzzes again, shaking you from your thoughts.
Mr. Crow: Look who’s back in town.
Kitten: Will you meet me somewhere?
Mr. Crow: Turn around.
You lower your phone, eyebrows drawn together as you turn against the flow of pedestrian traffic. Your eyes flit through the decorated streets, colorful ribbons and lanterns decorating the way in preparation for the New Year. The crowd parts, making way for a hulking man in a leather jacket walking steadily toward you with danger flashing in his crimson eyes, his mouth set into a hard line. It never ceased to amaze you how Sylus was able to blend in with a crowd when he stood out to you so much. He towered over everyone and had a dangerous aura to him, yet no one batted an eye in his direction.
You gulp nervously, knowing he wouldn’t let you get away without an explanation. One you still weren’t even sure how to say. Anxiousness has your feet moving quickly as you duck into an alleyway to wait for him. You couldn’t do this with an audience. Though it’s still light out, the strings of decorations above has the alley appearing more dark than usual, allowing you to slink into the shadows and away from prying eyes. It doesn’t take Sylus long to catch up, his own shadow eating up whatever light remains as he draws closer until he’s towering above and caging you against the stone wall.
“Sylus—”
“Would you look at that? I caught myself a stray.”
His fingers curl under your chin, not-too-gently angling your face toward his. That simmering anger in his eyes softens at the sight of you, disappearing completely to be replaced with concern. He reads you entirely too well, even if he doesn’t know the cause.
“What’s wrong, sweetie?”
You let out a vulnerable sigh, lip wedging between your teeth to combat the sting in your eyes as the relief of this secret you’ve been holding onto is lifted off of your shoulders the slightest bit. You didn’t realize just how much you had been carrying since Caleb’s return, but if a single soft look and concerned question from one of your boyfriends was enough to make you feel like crumbling, it must be a lot.
You still hardly believed it yourself that Caleb was alive and well after all this time. Had seen him with your own eyes and yet you still felt the loss of grief from his death and the sting of betrayal at his return. A confusing whorl of emotion builds up inside your chest because along with the relief that he was alive, you felt an overwhelming sense of resentment toward him.
For so long, Caleb was the only one you saw, blinded by the tunnel vision of his affection. Then he went and died before you could navigate the complex secret relationship the two of you shared only to return from the death of a literal explosion to metaphorically blow up your life just when you had started learning how to live without him. Just when you had begun to find comfort and care with Sylus and the other men in your life. They had become your new foundation in the rubble of Caleb���s place and now he was returning from the dead to level it once again. The rebuilding process had been overbearing and painful and lonely and you didn’t know how much more you had in you to start over again.
As much as you loved Caleb, he never played well with others when it came to you. Sylus thought Zayne’s jealousy and reluctance to share your time had been a hurdle but your childhood friend was nothing compared to your brother’s jealous streak. In the handful of times you were shared between Caleb and Zayne in your youth, it was always at Caleb’s command. Nothing happened without his approval. What he said went and neither you nor Zayne ever dared cross that line to try to further explore your attraction to one another. Not until after the explosion, anyway.
A gentle thumb on your jaw brings your attention back to the present, sympathetic ruby eyes grounding you.
“Does it have to do with how much time you spent in Skyhaven recently?”
Surprise and panic flicker across your face at Sylus’s question.
So he did know where you had gone, after all.
“Please, sweetie. After all this time and you’re still surprised that I keep tabs on you?  Mephisto may well be glued to your side. And that’s not even taking the twins into consideration or counting the various tracking devices planted on you and in you.”
“Sylus!”
“What?” he feigns innocence.
“Mephisto following me is one thing but you can’t bug me! I’m an agent of the law. Not to mention, where the hell did you get plant devices that can evade government detection? And more importantly, how did you get one inside of me without me knowing?”
Sylus’s proud grin widens as a thick leather-covered arm wraps around you like a vine. He pulls you into a slow dance in the alley, no musical accompaniment or reason for it other than he wanted to and he missed you.
It soothed some of the warring emotions within you, making your irritation with his stalking tendencies dissipate. Truth be told, you were grateful that he cared so much about your safety. You know Sylus now and know that his only intentions are your safety and success. Though you wouldn’t ask it of him, he would burn the whole world down if you requested him to, for the mere purpose of pleasing you. You couldn’t same the same about Caleb, who only ever kept you in the dark about his intentions.
“You should know by now that nothing is out of my budget or reach, kitten,” he purrs.
His playful demeanor slips a fraction. To anyone else it would have been undetectable but having spent so much intimate time with the Onychinus leader, you have learned to read him nearly as well as he reads you.
“What is it?” you ask, cupping his jaw.
Sylus nuzzles into your palm, a heavy sigh puffing through his nostrils, reminding you of a mighty beast that had been tamed.
“Nothing is out of my reach,” he repeats, “except whenever you disappeared into Skyhaven. Mephisto managed to follow your shuttle all the way to the city gates but the moment he tried to cross the threshold he began to short out. He had no choice but to turn back. Once you crossed over, I also lost signal of every tracking device on your person, including this one,” his finger lightly trace a spot between your shoulder blades. So that’s where it is. “I lost the ability to track you. To keep you safe. That’s never happened before and naturally was a cause for concern.” He hesitates for a moment as if afraid to ask but does anyway. “Where did you go during your ‘vacation’?”
“I don’t know where to start,” you admit as the tightness in your chest starts to constrict to a painful degree. The cardiac event monitor on your watch begins to beep erratically, indicating a dangerous rise in your pulse oxygen levels.
“Shhh, it’s okay,” Sylus pulls you close to his chest, resting your head and hand against the steady rhythm of his own heartbeat.
He talks you through the attack, his calming voice like a balm to your ringing ears. After several long moments, you feel like you can breathe again and your watch finally goes quiet.
“Yes, I’m with her right now and she seems to be coming out of it,” Sylus’s voice drifts clearly to your ears once more. His voice tightens irritably at whatever the person on the other end says. “I wouldn’t put her in that kind of danger. I called you as soon as her symptoms began, didn’t I?”
He pauses again to listen to whatever was being said, giving you a reassuring smile though he still looks annoyed.
“I can drop her off at your office tomorrow morning. Or if you’re truly concerned and thinks she needs immediate medical attention, you’re welcome to meet me in the N109 Zone in an hour.”
Pause.
“That’s what I thought. I’ll continue to monitor her and if anything changes, you’ll be the first to know. Have a nice day, doctor.”
Sylus hangs up the phone and tucks the device back into his pocket. Hearing his side of the conversation, you have an idea of who he had been talking to.
“Dr. Zayne wants you to report to his office first thing in the morning. He said he won’t clear you to return to work until you do.”
This news comes as no surprise. Since an event was triggered, you would have to answer to Zayne about the cause, yet another conversation you weren’t ready to have. But he deserves to know Caleb is back. You just didn’t know how to tell him most of all. At least Sylus, Xavier, and Raf were a degree removed from the situation. Zayne would be almost as affected by the news as you, considering that Caleb was his best friend and the odd nature of the relationship the three of you previously shared.
“You could start from the beginning, sweetie,” Sylus murmurs against your hair, lips brushing your head in a loving kiss as he reminds you of what caused your heart rate to spike in the first place.
“I can’t,” your voice croaks. “Not now. Not here. It’s… too much.”
“Okay,” he relents. “But I’m taking you home with me regardless. After spending two weeks worrying about your safety and unable to reach you, I need you with me tonight. Then after a good meal and a lavender bath soak, if you feel like telling me what’s going on, I’ll be all ears.”
The sting returns to your eyes and you grip the back of his leather coat like an anchor. You were so grateful for your dragon and the way he kept you safe, even from yourself. That when you were spiraling down a vortex he would always catch you.
“I love you, Sylus,” you whisper, throat tight with emotion.
“I love you too, kitten.”
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OpaLADS Taglist: @i-messed-up-big-time
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prose-for-hire · 1 year ago
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Evol (or, a backwards love story)
Pairing: Spike x reader
Request: Hey I love your spike x reader fics I was wondering if you could do one were like they both have a crush on eachother and he invites her over to his crypt but it's super fluffy and he makes it all romantic with candles and shit
Reader isn't a big fan of pink but doesn't like hate it or anything (just a heads up in case you love pink (like me) and it takes you out of the story).
Requested by: anon
A/N: Be kind please this is the first fic I've done in ages! Hope this is okay, love 💖
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You had been in deep thought, your mind travelling ahead of you as your limbs tried to follow. But your wandering mind had led you down an unknown path. You had taken a strange turn somewhere and found yourself in unchartered territory.
You were at a crossroads, in almost pitch darkness. The streetlights had disappeared a couple of streets ago and you weren’t entirely sure where you were. You were fumbling through the dark now, trying to find something to hold onto, to anchor you.
You found yourself connecting with something, a figure in the shadows. You groaned, the last thing you needed tonight was to get eaten, your top was brand new. You recoiled slightly but a pair of steady hands righted you. He, of course, could see in the dark.
“What’re you doing round these parts, pet?” His voice came from the darkness, retracting his hands, a flame from his lighter ignited so that you could see.
“Got kinda turned around… I’m lost”
“Can’t have that, can we, love? If you’re not careful somethin’ nasty might eat you up” His eyes glinted with amusement, his lips curled slightly in that irresistible way he did. Even when he was being ‘evil’ he was attractive to you. You were doomed to fall for him.
“What did we talk about Spike?”
“Too much?”
“Only a little” you smiled despite yourself, now unable to look up from your feet. You were afraid that you would reveal too much, he could read you like a book. He always had, ever since you met a year ago.
It was tongues and teeth. Blood and sweat. You were backed against the wall, the vibrations from the music pulsing through you. You grasped the black t-shirt that clung to him so perfectly, the vampire you had only heard about.
You knew he and Buffy had faced each other on numerous occasions, you just happened to miss him each time. You had met them in college and had only known of the stories about William the Bloody at this point. But you always liked to judge people for yourself, anyway. And, well, you hadn’t realised how beautiful he was, you had been taken by him as soon as he stomped up to the bar and sulkily ordered a beer.
You heard voices through the crowd, through the headiness of that moment. Voices you recognised. You pulled away, your face a picture; as if you had seen a ghost. You weren’t supposed to be here,
“Go home” He had hissed, covering you as you slid away. Taking Buffy’s attention.
You should have known then he had a soft spot. Or, well, the potential for one. Usually he would have relished the awkwardness of Buffy walking in to find you kissing a vampire. Drinking with demons and beating them at kitten poker. But if he had the chance to do that again he wasn’t going to ruin it by getting the ultimate mood slayer involved, now was he.
But you hadn’t ever had any real time alone since. Sure, sometimes it felt like you were both the only people in the room but there was barely a chance to even allude to what you had done let alone reignite the moment again. Though he of course tried at every moment he got.
“Got have plans, love? My crypt’s only down the way” he spoke softly, almost tentatively if you didn’t know better.
“I’m late. I’m supposed to meet some… friends” You hesitated and you knew he caught it before you looked back into his eyes. Eyes you were slowly being lost in.
“Not those bloody losers again. You’re better than them”
“Those losers are actually my friends”
“Friends that you hide yourself from” He shrugged, not entirely able to drop it. He couldn’t hide his distaste for Buffy and the others.
Despite it all he gestured with his head, offering to take you to your friends. Even though you knew Sunnydale quite well after moving into your dorm a year ago and running around the town many times after (or often away from) demons, you still got lost a lot. It was a kind of running joke amongst the other scoobies.
He lit a cigarette as you rounded the corner, only pausing to offer you one which you declined with a soft smile. A smile that made him want to drop to his knees and declare his undying love for you. It pained him, how soft he was for you.
He shoved the other hand in the pocket of his duster, jaw tensing as he saw your friends speaking rapidly, apparently concerned about something. Willow noticed you first.
“We thought you’d been all ookified, we were worried!” She flung herself around you with a big smile of relief.
“You got lost, huh?” Buffy said with a smile, which quickly dropped when she noticed the company you were in.
“Yeah, Spike helped me get my bearings. Thanks, again” You grinned, despite Xander and Buffy’s distaste. Anya patted your head a little patronisingly at your habit of getting yourself lost.
“Anytime, pet”
“Yeah, right, evil dead is only good for being evil… and dead”
“Not that I’m not enjoying the boy’s wit, but I’ll be off now” He addressed only you, hoping to keep the barbs at his expense from the group to a minimum. Someone muttered something distasteful about Spike, which was of course in his earshot, but he didn’t turn back around.
“He’s, like, the lowest of the low.” someone agreed, shaking her head at the figure walking away.
You weren’t sure why that moment was the moment. Why you spoke something that had been so safely unspoken.
“Spike! Spike, wait-”
“Y/n, what’re you doing?!” your friends called after you, still in earshot as Spike ditched his cigarette and swung around to face you.
“Love, you go and do the friendship thing with the meddlin’ kids, okay? I’d rather stake myself than spend an evening with them”
“I know, I was wondering if the offer’s still on that is, well, I’m free tomorrow night”
He put both hands in his duster, rocking on the balls of his feet and looking down. It was as if he thought you were being cruel to him. Taking him up on his offer just to hurt him by rejecting him in the next breath with all your friends watching. He had to know you better than that, surely.
You reached for his arm, willing him to feel what you felt. Know what you knew. That you and him were meant for each other, that this chance that you were trying to take meant a lot. For someone you had kissed so passionately before it was strange how nervous you were suddenly at even grazing his skin.
“After sunset, tomorrow at your crypt?” You asked softly, though the vulnerability in your voice bled through. He saw it, he saw that your intentions were pure. There were some gasps and some vague unimpressed whispering from your friends behind you but you couldn’t bring yourself to take notice.
Instead you waited with bated breath for his answer. You knew he had offered earlier but there was always the chance he was doing it to tease you. That he had no interest in you. That he was playing with you, looking for something quick and easy. You could do that, of course you could, if it meant being close with him. But it may just break your heart beyond recognition.
This purgatory, which only lasted a second, felt like it lasted hours. Your grip on him tightened, as if you were afraid he would slip away from you.
He nodded, to anyone else it probably looked as if he wasn’t bothered. What he didn’t know was that you could read him in the way he did for you. You saw the slight upturn of his mouth before it disappeared, you noticed the way his eyes searched you with wonder for a fraction of a moment. You knew then, for sure, he felt for you as deeply as you had started to fall for him. Everything you had learned about him you held close, collecting it as the most valuable treasures.
You arrived the next night a minute after the sun set and promptly knocked on the door of Spike’s crypt. You could hear some scuffling about from behind the door and a lot of a British accent muttering ‘bloody bollocks’ every so often which made you smile softly.
You waited patiently until he swung the door open, allowing you to walk in. You gasped, he had transformed the main level of his crypt for the evening. There were candles everywhere, on every single available surface and surrounding the sofa where there was a couple of blankets piled up and a stack of VHS tapes.
There were wilted roses that had shed their petals all over the floor beside the TV set and you tried to ignore the high probability that these came from a few of the graves surrounding the crypt. Stuck haphazardly to the walls were pink and red hearts made from crepe paper and various strips hanging about.
I mean, it was a huge fire risk but you tried to ignore this fact as you appreciated his scattered decorations. You assumed that Spike was ensuring you were aware that he thought of this as a date.
“How was your night with America’s most haunted?” Spike asked, you could tell he was genuinely interested if you had a nice evening after he left you at the Bronze.
You told him everything in complete detail, you were a keen storyteller and he adored this about you. You spoke in such detail that he could picture himself there beside you as the night played out.
“Drink, pet?”
“Please”
You looked around as he started rummaging around with bottles and glasses. You read the words on some of the hearts, your brow furrowing slightly.
“EVOL? I think it’s spelt-”
“No, love, it was meant to be- they’re from the craft store. They, well, I didn’t want it to scare you off now did I?” He turned the heart around, the word was actually ‘love’. He hadn’t wanted you to think he was coming on too strong so he had hidden the word. Though the rose petals and the various pink and red crafts might well have done that if you hadn’t realised how deeply you felt for him.
You laughed, you couldn’t help it. You hadn’t been sure if he was making sure that all this romantic stuff didn’t take away from him being bad. Telling you he was ‘evil’.
He passed you a glass, different from usual where he would just drink straight from the bottle. You were surprised to note that it was your favourite drink. It was incredibly endearing that he had learned this about you, or perhaps it was his favourite and you just had that in common.
The glow of the candlelight accentuated his features, casting shadows from his cheekbones. You felt yourself leaning into him as he spoke animatedly, it was entirely involuntary. When you thought about it, you had done everything in reverse. You were tentatively courting after sharing a much more passionate moment the night you properly met. You much preferred it this way though, in some ways it cemented now just how much Spike had grown to care for you through the stolen moments you had together through the year.
Quick glances and lingering touches. The way he had thrown himself in front of a demon to ensure you would be safe. The way he always offered to walk you home, even if he was shot down every time by the slayer. He always made jokes in the hope that you would laugh.
The evening was lovely, you shared drinks and watched films together, while Spike made biting commentary on each scene. You were wrapped in a blanket while he stayed room temperature. He sat a little more rigidly than usual, seemingly unable to relax. He wanted the night to be perfect. He was concerned he might say something wrong, something a little too murderous and off-putting.
You hadn’t really been paying attention to the film. He had done everything to try and prove he was a man worthy of your love. You could sense he was holding back but you loved him for who he was, the flaws wrapped into the thread of his personality were just as important to you.
“I really like you, Spike. You don’t need to impress me, you know that right? I’m already yours, if you’d let me be” You spoke barely above a whisper. He turned to you, searching your face before a smile grew slowly on his lips. It was a smile you had only ever seen him give to you.
“You’re tellin’ me I can take all this sodding pink bollocks off my walls now then?”
“I mean, it’s a real improvement from the cobwebs but it’s not really my colour,” You grinned, pressing your lips to his quickly before pulling away.
You leaned against him as the night progressed, leaning your head into the crook of his neck. He shifted as you moved down the sofa so that you could comfortably rest against him. He inhaled, savouring your scent. It felt like home. He closed his eyes, focusing on your heartbeat thrum steadily. You were truly here, by his side.
Your body was made to fit beside his, you knew this as if it was fact. You couldn’t imagine a future where you wouldn’t hold each other. Or share moments such as this. The warmth from the candles and the care and attention that Spike continued to show you told you that his feelings at their core were clearly no act, his execution had been slightly exaggerated only because he hadn’t really dated in the usual way for a good few decades.
He slid his arm along the headrest behind you and you settled into watch the next movie. After a moment you realised his eyes were still trained on you, he couldn’t keep his eyes off you. When you looked at him, giving him a quizzical look, he just gestured back at the screen with his head a soft smile on his face.
If this was the first proper date, you were looking forward to the rest. In fact, as his arm snaked around you and pulled you close, you were not sure you would ever be ready to leave.
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leahkentwriter · 5 months ago
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Backstories for girls and women in stories that *don't* involve sexual assault.
I beta read a lot, and am involved in writing communities of various kinds, and I briefly taught English way back in the day, and I consume storytelling media in general - and one of my biggest pet peeves is sexual assault backstories. While I think this is improving, it's still annoying to me that a lot of writers (of all genders, but particularly men) fall back on a sexual assault backstory whenever they need to make a girl or woman in a story complicated or haunted or fucked up in some way.
Unless your story is dealing with the topic of sexual assault in some way, please don't use it as a way to give a character depth or angst.
Here are some prompts, just to get you started with some ideas.
Why would a woman be trying to escape her past? Why would she be seeking a fresh start?
She hated her small town; the people there didn't understand her and she never felt like she fit in - she's queer, she has a weird birthmark, she's got unique interests, she has magical powers, etc.
She's a criminal - she robbed banks or stole cars and she wanted a fresh start
She was an addict and hurt people, and she wants a fresh start now that she's sober
Her parent is a criminal or an addict and she's trying to outrun the stigma of being related to them
She didn't get along with a stepparent and skipped town as soon as she turned 18
She had big dreams of being something else, and left to pursue them
Her childhood home was haunted, but no one believed her
She got married young then divorced, and wants to start over somewhere that no one knows her
Heartbreak of any variety - she's leaving a place that reminds her too much of someone she lost or couldn't have
She wants better; maybe more money, or a career, or simply a higher quality of life
Some other violent tragedy occurred - a school shooting, an explosion at the plant, police brutality, her best friend was killed, etc.
Her hometown no longer exists (climate change, the main factory shut down, it was overrun by rabid squirrels, etc.)
What would make a woman distrustful of others?
Heartbreak; being lied to, cheated on, left for her best friend, etc.
A big betrayal - her former best friend told everyone a secret about her, someone weaponized her trauma or her past or a major flaw she's sensitive about, etc.
She witnessed a traumatizing event as a child
Her mother was a grifter and used her as part of her scams
One parent cheated on the other and broke up the family
Her older brother isn't dead after all, he was disowned for being gay and now she's questioning everything her parents ever told her
She has problems with her memory, and is never quite sure what the truth is
She's bad at reading people and has been taken advantage of
She finds out a dark secret about someone she loves and is having trouble processing it
She gradually comes to see that someone she idealized as a child is not at all what they seem
Someone she thought was a good, kind, and genuine person is arrested for a terrible crime
Spiritual abuse - the worldview she was taught was right turns out to be exploitative, represses women, etc., so she leaves
What would cause a woman to have mental health issues?
Any form of abuse - doesn't have to be sexual
Her parents had really high expectations that she couldn't live up to
It simply runs in the family
Survivor's guilt - she survived something that someone else did not
She was bullied and no one protected her
Her parents were very controlling and destroyed her confidence
Her sibling was the golden child and she was the scapegoat
She's had issues since childhood but her parents refused to admit there was anything wrong with her, so she didn't get help
Being a part of any oppressed group of people who experience discrimination - she's a person of color, she's an immigrant, she's got a disability, she's queer, etc.
Any major trauma, either witnessed or being a part of - weather events and natural disasters, infrastructure collapse, crashes and accidents, fires, a shooting or a murder, etc.
You're a writer - get creative. There are lots of ways to traumatize and haunt a girl/woman character without having to resort to a sexual assault backstory. You can even make her the problem! Maybe she's the one who did something bad and is trying to outrun the guilt.
Let's also let go of the idea that it's meeting and falling in love with a man that saves her from her trauma. Let her have a healing arc that doesn't involve a man - a love story can still be there, but it can't be the magic healing balm that fixes her. Make her have to save herself. Give her autonomy to both make her own mistakes, and improve her own situation. Don't let your man go into savior mode - let him get frustrated with her. Let her push him away without him clinging to her in a desperate bid to show her what unconditional love is. Don't let him be a martyr to her trauma.
Women are complicated for many reasons. We have trauma for many reasons. We have mental health issues for many reasons. We may want to escape our past for many reasons. We're angsty and weird for many reasons.
Please pick literally anything other than sexual assault.
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loggiepj · 5 months ago
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lizzie
Summary: just an angsty one shot story 😂✌🏳️‍🌈
"TOM SAID she had been using Rooney to gain more credits to her work, always insisting to come along Rooney when she's in film productions, pretending she was only supporting her then girlfriend just so she could give her scripts to producers. And she did this while cheating on her behind her back."
You bit your lip to stop yourself from bursting into tears, hand on your chest, slipping to your collarbone then up to your neck as you willed yourself to breathe.
"That's awful," you heard Lizzie's beautiful voice slurring through the confines of the comfort room, through the door of the cubicle you were trapped in. "I can't believe she could do such a thing. She was so sweet and all, I thought . . . I thought—"
"Oh, we thought so too, Liz," another person chimed in, "but don't be easily fooled. I heard Rooney's lawyer will be filing a case against her sometime soon."
Your other hand went to embrace yourself, clutching against the side of your sweater as you might lose it.
"It was a risk on the producer's part to still include her in this film," said another, "knowing her reputation."
In the following silence, you could hear Elizabeth's sigh. "God, I wouldn't have known."
It was complete torture, having to listen through it all, having to witness how someone you had grown close to in the past few weeks could crush you down in an instant. Five minutes and thirty seven seconds, to be exact.
As if the gods above had acknowledged you had suffered enough, they eventually left the comfort room and began discussing about the next scenes as they walked through the door.
When you heard the door shut close, you broke down. The kind of cry where you seemed to be running out of air to breathe, as if you had been clawing your insides until there's nothing left. You didn't think it was possible to cry for someone like this. You felt like a kid, but you couldn't wail louder since anyone could just walk into the toilet.
The gossips you had endured during highschool, about you being gay, had nothing in comparison to what just happened. Especially the one who was involved was someone special to you. And it felt worse coming from her. To think that Lizzie would actually believe them, believe the rumors circulating about you. To think that she could be different from others. But you'd thought wrong.
It all started with Rooney. She was an actress you fell in love with when you got to work with her and Tom in Carol movie. You had been together with Rooney for almost six years. And yet for one simple action, a drunk crewmate kissing you on the lips inside the producer's room, mistaking you as his girlfriend, Rooney threw everything.
It was all one big misunderstanding. One night, you were just making love. The next, you weren't allowed to enter the penthouse you were both staying, considering Rooney owned that unit and you gave up yours when you moved in with her.
Her sister, Kate, the ever merciful one, contacted you afterwards the sudden eviction, saying that she would try to persuade Rooney to be at least forgiving to let you stay for the meantime while you were looking for another place to live.
But that didn't happen. After that incident, rumors of you cheating started to spread around in the industry, some were exaggerated to give that appeal. And no one trusted you anymore, that you would only use people to your own benefit.
If you weren't only friends with the director of the current film you were working with, you wouldn't have any project.
And then you met Elizabeth Olsen.
You can call me Lizzie, by the way, was what she said when the two of you first talked.
Lizzie had a very distinctive and elegant appearance. She had fair skin, light brown hair, and expressive eyes that were usually a striking green. She was almost an inch taller than you, but if she wore heels, you'd always look up to her whenever the two of you were talking.
You knew her from her massive role as Wanda Maximoff in Marvel Universe films, and you even used to idolize her as someone who's good in everything, no matter what genre the film she was in.
And you both just instantly clicked, like you were made for each other. You could talk to her for hours and hours through the production days, either before the filming would start, during breaks or at the end of the day. She would also share everything to you, with enthusiasm to your mutual interests, as if you were long-time friends. She looked at you without judgment, making you wonder if she knew about the rumors, the one thing that could destroy this newfound promising relationship. Knowing Lizzie wasn't into social media and stuff was what kept you asleep most nights.
You had even asked her to a date that weekend and you both enjoyed it to the fact that she almost invited you inside her nearby apartment when you gave her a ride home. There was this kind of feeling you feel whenever she was around, sometimes butterflies, sometimes longing.
But everything crumbled down when a newcomer saw the two of you flirting with each other.
YOU SPLASHED some cold water into your face as you prepared yourself to face the outside world, hoping it wasn't that obvious that you were just crying seconds ago.
When you went back to the studio to get some work done, you saw Lizzie on one corner practicing some lines with her co-star.
Maybe you were only overthinking it. Maybe she would see you through, talk to you about it, listen to your side of the story. But when you approached them, they only went silent.
"Hey," you greeted, trying to diminish any awkwardness.
"Hi Y/n," Lizzie replied with a smile, "we're just quickly rehearsing for the next scene."
"Oh, okay, sorry to bother you both," you said, "I'll just talk to you later then."
She only smiled back as she went back to her script. You would have just let it go if it weren't for the fact that she would always choose to talk to you.
LATER was no different as you went to knock against the door of her trailer upon hearing Lizzie's laughter inside. Abruptly, the laughters died, and you swore you could hear shushing. When her friend opened the door the second time you knocked, said friend only told you Lizzie wasn't in there even when you knew she was.
THROUGH the days that followed, it was slowly sinking in that maybe they got her too. That Lizzie believed them too.
You tried to give Lizzie the benefit of the doubt. That maybe she was only busy, knowing the most critical scenes were being shot. But you had probably sent her a lot of messages to which Lizzie had only replied words fewer and bland as compared to the older ones she had sent you.
WHEN you tried to approach Lizzie during one of the breaks, surprising her with your favorite cheesecake she said she liked, she thanked you rather hurriedly.
"Thanks, Y/n," she said. "You shouldn't have."
"It's fine," you said back, brushing her off as she tried to return the box to you. "I was in the area earlier when I passed by the store, and I remembered you wanting to eat another slice of it."
What was redness that you used to see adorned on Lizzie's cheeks, was inexistent as she hesitantly accepted the gift. You could tell she was sporting a smile you had seen her do whenever she was uncomfortable during interviews.
It gave you the kick to stop whatever this was you were doing. You then decided not to torture her anymore with how forward you were. It was clear she didn't want anything to do with you. That you were just mere friends in passing. That that date was only that. Nothing more.
"Lizzie!" someone called her from afar, apparently saving her from this awkward interaction. Saving you both.
"Shoot, sorry, Y/n," she said with an apologetic smile. "I have to leave, but thank you again for this. You're too sweet for this world."
You forced a huge smile her way. "Yeah, no worries. See you later."
BUT YOU had avoided her later. You had avoided them. And through the days that followed, you began distancing yourself from the cast and crew, knowing now what they had been talking behind your back. You just went to the studio to help work with the script then went back straight home. No more small talks in the hallway as you passed by them, occasionally wearing a hoodie over your face, wishing it was Harry Potter's cloak of invisibility.
At nights, you stared at the photos of the two of you together during production and even that one dinner date you had at a private restaurant, wondering how two individuals went from these to complete strangers.
You couldn't help but wonder if Lizzie has missed you at all. But when you glanced at her from a distance whenever you couldn't avoid not coming to the studio, laughing and making vlog with her co-stars and makeup artists, you could feel she was glad she dodged a bullet that was you. That she almost went out with someone like you, someone who couldn't be trusted.
You had even stopped eating your favorite cheesecake, knowing it would only remind you of her. Lesson learned. Never suggest your favorites to anyone.
THAT was when you started hanging out with Emma Watson, whom you had gotten closer as you were part of her writing crew in another film you were working for.
She had well defined cheekbones and chocolate brown eyes. But what stood out the most was her English accent. Sometimes, you just wanted to listen to her talk all day.
Emma already knew the rumors about you, and called them bullshit. Maybe it was the British in her, but she told you she didn't care about anyone's past other than first impressions. Besides, if she weren't a fan of your works, she wouldn't have given a chance to know you.
When she revealed to you she liked girls too, you grew more comfortable around her.
You also started to make friends with the other film's crew, and maybe that was what you needed, what you were missing. You no longer felt sad or lonely whenever you were around them. And having to fit two jobs in a day, it felt different having something to look forward to whenever you finished working for Lizzie's film. Good kind of different.
"WAIT, you're already leaving? Are you not going with us?" your director friend asked the moment he saw you packing things up, preparing to leave.
"What do you mean?"
"Liz invited the whole cast and crew for a housewarming party at her new house," he replied.
You had no idea but who were you to receive first invitation from her in the first place. You were a nobody.
"Oh I . . . I actually am needed to get this edit reviewed," you said, easily making up an excuse. Although technically, it wasn't a lie.
"That's a bummer. I was pretty sure Liz said to invite you too." He sighed. "Well, don't work yourself too hard, Y/n."
You only smiled back as you left, staying out of sight from others, keeping distance away from the lobby where you could see the whole cast chatting as they waited for the car service to get to Lizzie's house. And for a brief moment, you caught sight of the woman who once captured your heart, broke it and left to rot. Elizabeth looked so beautiful and fresh even after a day's production, and she was wearing that jacket she stole from you that very first day.
"HAVE you ever loved someone?"
You had been staring at your notifications, watching for what seemed like hours at Lizzie's messages asking where you were and why you weren't at her housewarming party.
You didn't even noticed Emma had asked you a question until she nudged your shoulder.
"Sorry, what?" you asked, slipping your phone into your pocket.
"I asked if you've ever loved someone? Any lovers? Girlfriends? Boyfriend? Flings?" she asked teasingly, "It's just I haven't seen you around with anyone."
"I mean, you've heard the rumors—"
"Fuck all the rumors, I'm not blind, Y/n," Emma interrupted. "You're actually gorgeous. It could cause a scandal."
Avoiding the girl's gaze, you laughed at her. "What are you suggesting?"
There was complete silence, making you look back at Emma deep in thoughts.
"What do you say about you becoming my girlfriend?"
"What?"
"It's just for PR stuff and all," she reasoned. "And for promoting this movie."
"Promoting? They'd hate you. They'd hate me more."
"At least, it would be a distraction from the public. I haven't actually come out as gay but I've provided signs, yet people just turn a blind eye. And this will help confirm my sexuality. If they hated me for dating the rumored you, they'd hate me less for being gay."
You fell silent as you thought about it.
"My PR manager will pay you, of course. You're saving up for a house, right? I want to help you."
Then she looked at her hands on her lap, nervous. "Besides, you're the only one I felt comfortable doing this with." She then glanced back at you. "So . . . Are you with me?"
WHEN you started going out with Emma publicly, the photos of you together holding hands in public immediately spread through the news and gossip channels. You started to become famous, more on the bad side though, of how you were only using Emma again for your selfish reasons and how stupid Emma was for dating you.
At least, there were only a few articles about how disappointed they were Emma turned out to be gay. People were more disappointed she was dating a parasite.
IT WAS almost a month after when you received a missed call from your ex girlfriend Rooney. And she had called you multiple times until you blocked her number. And when she figured out you blocked her, she sent you numerous emails.
Emma was with you as you anxiously worked through the next scene's script.
"You okay?" Emma asked, her hand on your shoulder made you jump on your seat. "Sorry."
"It's okay," you managed to reply.
"What are you worrying about?"
You hesitated, frown growing deeper. "It's just . . . I think my ex girlfriend will finally end my career."
"How?"
"She's going to file a case against me," you said, almost in tears.
"Is that what you think she's going to do?" She chuckled softly.
"What are you giggling about? It's not funny."
"Sorry," she went on still laughing, "but you have to see this."
Apparently, Rooney had posted a public apology addressed to you, clearing you out, redeeming your image, and admitting it was her jealousy that ended your relationship, that she was willing to destroy her career in exchange for yours. And that she wanted so badly to talk to you if you'd only let her.
It felt like a relief as you saw the ones who reposted the post, as you read the comments from people defending you and supporting you, that Emma was a better choice than Rooney. It felt like the weight of the world was taken off your shoulder.
Emma then wrapped her arms around you as you sobbed into her chest. And she only let you.
Some weeks later, Emma asked you out on a date. A real date, saying she was willing to try. Maybe it was Rooney's post that made her trust you. Maybe she was just scared. But you also wanted to try it with her.
Rooney eventually stopped contacting you. The damage has already been done. One day, you may be able to forgive her. But never to forget.
MAYBE the public apology was what made Lizzie finally approached you during the last few days in the production. She brought you a gift, the cheesecake that used to be your favorite. Now, you didn't like how too sweet it was, wanting nothing more than to savor Cornish pasty introduced by your girlfriend Emma.
"Hey, Y/n," she greeted. "I . . . I brought you this."
"Thank you, Lizzie," you said, accepting with haste.
There was awkward silence as she placed her hands inside the pockets of her jeans. "Last day, huh? You want to go for sushi later? My treat."
And maybe it really was the public post Rooney made that made her finally talk to you, as if she was still the same person she was the first time you met. And as if you were still interested in her as you were months ago.
"Sorry, I have to meet Em for dinner tonight," you said, smiling apologetically.
"It's fine, it's fine," she said, brushing you off with a forced chuckle. "So, it's true you two are dating, huh?"
You nodded, avoiding the brunette's gaze. "Yeah, it is."
"She doesn't know how lucky she is."
You paused, wondering why you were no longer feeling any butterflies in your stomach whenever she was around. "I'm the lucky one, actually. Goodnight, Elizabeth."
"G-Goodnight, Y/n."
Like you said, the damage was already done.
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