#I felt like absolute shit

[sylvarantii]

I'd sort of like to go into more detail of my own experience since I didn't want to piggy back too much on the post I reblogged, but it really is very difficult job searching as a person with ADHD and Autism.

I was a caregiver for my brother for around 10 years through the state. It helped pay for my college tuition, but as you can imagine, it didn't leave me with me with much job experience towards my career path.

I didn't really know how to get myself the experience either. I worked up to getting a bachelor's in Graphic Design/Art because I really enjoyed working with the programs and felt it just all fit for me.

But as you can imagine, the job economy is hard to get into and I was not sure where to go from graduation. Obviously internships would've been the answer, but considering I'm a first generation graduate from college and have Boomer parents, they didn't really know what to advise me to do other than what they used to do when they were younger and just keep going to places and handing in my application.

Basically, I had no idea what I was doing and started to wonder after several years if I wasted my time going to college.

I had been sold on that "If you go to college, you're guaranteed a good future" stuff and you can call me gullible, but I just really wanted better for myself. It felt like the only way, unfortunately.

Anyway, after my brother moved into a group home, I was out of a job and my money was draining quick. I was desperate and wasn't getting any interviews no matter where I sent my application in. I tried a call center which was really a terrible decision for someone like me, but what felt like the only choice I had if I didn't want to pursue fast food or retail.

It was miserable. I worked there for 8 months and that job was hell and was so much stress on me mentally. I kept trying to find other jobs, but had no luck with anything. I was unable to sleep some days before going into work and I was having breakdowns.

To add to things, they were forcing everyone to work overtime by the end of my time there and they were incorporating something where you had to work with two screens instead of one. It was just too much and eventually I just had to ask to be let go from the job.

I was fortunate soon after to start a job with an actual graphic design position within a month after that and I loved it. But it wasn't a good fit. I'd make mistakes and I think those mistakes costed my employers a lot of money. I was let go after 2 months of working there and had to keep job searching again.

It takes several months, but I get two job leads. 1 was pretty neat since it was some sort of job where you make designs to place on caskets and pamphlets for a memorial service type of company, but while the offer of getting to work alone was nice, it also felt like something where they wouldn't just ease you into it and you'd have to get the hang of it right away. 2 was with a job that basically was like what I had been doing with the previous one, so I was hopeful it'd be a really good fit and was very excited when they offered me the job. Especially since the other company didn't seem interested in hiring me.

They only kept me for 3 days since I just couldn't work fast enough for them nor get the hang of the job within that time. They never outright fired me, but clearly if they never called me in again, suffice it to say, they found someone else. So we're in the middle of the pandemic, I'm trying to look for work that's remote since I'm too scared to want to work anywhere in office. I fall into a deep depression where I just feel like it'd be better if...something happens. I may not have acted on suicide, but I sure as hell was at my lowest point that I really didn't care what happened to me. It really felt like nothing was ever going to get better.

Eventually, I'm pushed to go and get benefits and am able to get on medicaid and food stamps due to the fact I'm not making an income. It really helped in the long run.

My mom helps me to get an appointment and I go in to get tested, with the doctors confirming that I'm diagnosed with severe depression. I get put on citalopram and suddenly things don't feel so bad. I'm getting better, my body doesn't feel constantly tired and I manage to actually get up and do things again. I over all get a more positive outlook and start to just in general feel better again.

I also get diagnosed for autism and some things weirdly start to make a lot of sense. My mom was hopeful that this would also help me possibly get on disability, but here in America, that is a VERY tricky process and one I tried applying for like twice and had no luck with. I'm personally not interested in trying a third attempt since I don't think the results will be any better.

But! I did soon after land my current job, a graphic design job I've been with for about 2 1/2 years now and it is possibly the best I've ever felt with a job. The work culture is great. People are really nice and pleasant to work with. I feel appreciated in my job and even receive praise for a job well done on things.

It's part time, so unfortunately it's not enough to move out and get a place of my own yet, but it means I can still support myself, help my mom with the house payments and just over all enjoy a much more laid back existence where I can be pretty content.

In the end, it's rough. People like us will have struggles most likely and sometimes you just want to give up. It feels like it's too much. But it's like what everyone says. It does get better. And I'm going to continue to believe it can only (hopefully) get even better from here.

(Knock on wood, anyway)

[keferon]

megop is good for certain continuities but i'm surprised the shockop trenches aren't more habitated. oh well, more angst for the cannons

To be fair, Senator Shockwave didn’t really have screen time while Megatron is literally everywhere. So yeah, MegOp deserves to be popular but I personally feel kinda bored about it.

[pinacoladamatata]

i just think

[kelocitta]

There is currently a rather large discussion ongoing about the RW fandom behavior, drama, etc. I am not going to talk about the specifics of whats happened for a number of reasons. But what I do want to say is that if at any point you've harassed people over it, whether that be through anon asks or public posts- you did nothing but damage the ability for people to correctly process what is happening. You contributed nothing but harm to an already delicate situation. It does not matter what "side" you were on and I will not tolerate further interaction with me or my work if I found out you did such. If you let your personal hate for anyone boil over into threats, wishes for long term harm and petty comments meant to contribute nothing but slander or mental distress for the individuals involved who were already distressed (or acting irrationally) you did nothing but make it harder for people to process their emotions, thoughts and behaviors constructively. Regardless of who you think was in the right, who fucked up, whatever. It doesn't matter if they deserved it, or earned it, or if its an eye for an eye. Its difficult enough as it is to think clearly when presented with any kind of stressful situation and heckling people does nothing but make it worse and harder for them to explain themself in any capacity. I don't want you anywhere near me if you think that is an acceptable way to act.

[amelia-yap]

AUEGH

[achaotichuman]

I feel like we as a fandom forgot about Lucien sending Feyre on her merry way into a suicide mission and then just entirely ignored her screams for help wayyyy too quickly.

I see so many people saying that Feyre and Tamlin would have never gotten together if it weren't for Lucien, as if Tamlin wasn't doing damage control for the bs Lucien was pulling every other which way.

Lucien was not the glue holding the operation together, he was actively trying to dismantle the whole machine because it's just in his nature, Idk where the FUCK yall got the idea he is some male version of Elain. He is inherently a little shit who seeks out entertainment in the most unconventional of ways at every turn. He's kind, empathetic and compassionate yes, but only when he's in the mood.

I see so many people put Lucien down on their list of "ACOTAR men I would feel safe with" and I'm like, I would not feel safe with a single one of these men, Lucien included, he's so calculating and cunning and at the same time entirely unpredictable. You never know what his next move is gonna be. Is he gonna be calm and collected and set everything out in an orderly manner? Or is he gonna flip the table over, throw a knife into the air and see who catches it first? It's unlike, say Tamlin, who often inflicts damage unknowingly. Lucien sees that a path is likely to lead to destruction, can identify other routes, and merrily skips down the road of chaos, and ykw I adore him for it.

Bring back little shit Lucien PLEASE

[tora-the-cat]

An interesting little fun thing with team 7 is that you assume that Sakura's gonna, like, woobify and simplify Sasuke by putting him on a pedastal,cause her goal is centered around him and shes a 12 y/o fangirl so like of course her understanding of him is skewed cause she doesnt see him as a person, just an object of affection, right? She's can't get Sasuke, can't imprint on and/or traumabond with him like Naruto and Kakashi do. They don't see him with rose tinted glasses, because they've lived through their own Horrors and empathize with Sasuke's experience.

......right?

WRONG lmao!! They have too many ghosts!! Naruto's single-minded codependent ass won't get out of his own way long enough to see Sasuke for who he actually is, only able to empathize with the parts of his trauma Naruto relates to and not really capable of understanding him outside of the context of himself (because Sasuke is. His other half). And Kakashi is far too jaded to be fair to him!! He can't decide if Sasuke is gonna end up as a mini-him or a mini-Obito or maybe a mini-Itachi, but either way he ALSO is too traumatized to see Sasuke AS SASUKE.

meanehile SAKURA'S autistic ass may have dogshit empathy, but you know what she does have? A special interest in sasuke. Nothing better to do then give herself a degree in Uchihaisms. She can write character studies about him. she can read his soul. Whenever she says something about him she is right. Every fucking time! She is RIGHT!!!!

'sasuke would NOT compliment me this directly or explicitly express worry unprompted, especially if it gets in the way of his goals' correct.

'Sasuke shouldn't hide that curse on his neck its not healthy BUT if I tell anyone about it he'll never trust me again, which might be even more dangerous for him then the curse mark. Like he can probably handle the curse mark but no one else can stop him from ripping peoples arms off.' correct.

Speaking of! 'Sasuke would not hurt me even when he seems to be...possessed? whatever the only way to knock him out of it is to present myself as Alive and thus something to be protected rather then something to be avenged, because he gets really stuck in his own head about revenge' CORRECT

'hey so um. like. Sasuke's gonna leave Konoha. I'm not sure anything can stop him at this point and honestly I'm kinda starting to doubt anything should, so the only thing I could possibly do to help him at this point is ALSO defect.' CORRECT!!!!

[mikansei]

i'm thinking about the guards outside aventurine's room in the reverie. stuck working a boring security job on THE planet of festivities, stationed outside a room in boring reality where someone's literally just sleeping all day. absolutely jackshit to do.

but there's no way aventurine would trust just any old grunt to guard him when he's that vulnerable; they had to have been hand-picked, personally vetted over years of working for him. it's no small feat to become someone aventurine trusts not to stab him in the back, even with the built-in insurance that if you shank your boss, he can't sign your paychecks anymore.

so they were familiar enough with him to know how he works, i.e., pulling off insane stunts and doing it solo. i have to think they're the kind of people who would've wanted to join him - not because they're sore about not getting to see the dream, but because they want to guard him IN the dream. you have a whole team of us, boss! put us to work!

and he keeps insisting no, he has to do it alone. it's too risky.

what could notorious gambler aventurine possibly find "too risky?" it's not that he thinks they'll slow him down or get in his way; it's not that he just prefers working alone or hates relying on others. that's what other people, in other departments, might think.

but these guys know: he does these missions solo because he doesn't want to risk their lives - that's the unacceptable risk to him.

(they also know not to ever say so aloud, because said notorious gambler has a reputation to maintain, and "worries about his employees' wellbeing" does not fit the image.)

[typhoidcandy]

it's hilarious to me how people still try to convince themselves and others that hellcheer was platonic and they weren't flirting with each other in the forest scene despite all the evidence from the writers, directors and actors saying they were. like eddie and chrissy were canonically into each other, get over it already. it's been nearly 3 damn years.

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

What The Woods Took

YA horror

a girl and boy are both kidnapped from their beds and taken to a wilderness program, to hike across the wilderness for 50 days with 3 other traumatised teens

when their two adult counselors are gone one morning, they aren’t sure if leaving them alone was part of the program - or if something more sinister is going on. especially when they start seeing things that cause them to turn on each other…

butch lesbian mc

[uncanny-tranny]

I think what might actually help the families of trans loved ones is to actually engage with where the trans person is at - especially if the family isn't quite understanding yet. When I came out, I was completely alone in figuring out my manhood. I had peers and I had exposed myself to so many trans people who explored gender, and while it was amazing, it isn't quite the same at times. I grieve quietly, sometimes, about all the missed opportunities that might have just made it easier for my family to have seen how utterly happy I was. It took them a very long time to actually notice that I was happy, especially once I got on testosterone. I'm lucky that they saw that happiness eventually, and slowly accepted it. My manhood is completely detached from their influence, both to my relief and chagrin. It's sad to me that I learned to shave from a kind online stranger, somebody who didn't even have a father and yet, I do. I have a father. I grieve at the loss of a potential shared experience. I grieve about the pain I went through when I was in that stage of transition, especially because it was raw and vulnerable. I grieve that many trans people today are traversing the path I had to, because it's sometimes lonely (even when you do have other forms of support).

It's hard to know that I will never have gotten my sense of being from my family. In many ways, it has severed a lot of connection with them because there were so many times that I was begging them to see happiness when they were focused on the idea that I was almost in a state of purgatory - flesh which felt warm but held no familiarity to them. I don't harbor ill-will toward them, I hope I don't leave the impression that I despise them. I understand what they felt, even if I can't conceptualize it myself. However, it's a raw wound in my heart, and I don't want to leave anybody else feeling that way, either.

[billythephoneguy]

[equiz923]

Please don’t crucify me for this, but I really do not like how dunmeshi ended. Spoilers for the ending of the manga under the cut (obv this is all my opinion but if you have a diff one and you wanna chat im v open to that)

Ending things is hard, ending great stories is even harder but I just finished rereading the manga in full and it makes it so apparent how rushed the ending feels.

With Laios specifically, him running a kingdom Does Not make sense. It feels too storybook ending. ESPECIALLY with what the winged lion showed him during his dream- the idyllic world where he runs a monster kingdom but figures it all out. I thought that this was kind of clear with how dream falin had to shoo him away from his actual duties to make the idea more palatable. It was a clear manipulation by the winged lion to try make it something Laios would actively want to do, an appeal to his greater sense of morality to try convince him that he was the good guy, especially because we all know he just deep down wanted to be a super epic monster.

With this in mind, the manga actually ending with him running the kingdom is insane. We as an audience have already found out and understood that he actually does not want to do that shit, and that there is no way that the kingdom would prosper under him. I personally really don’t like the way that the winged lion’s curse is pretty much thrown in as a joke on the final page, because the idea is really really interesting from a character perspective. From what we know of Laios, would he not clearly break at some point and try to chase after the monsters? Go insane? Both? Also him always being hungry is such a genuinely cool idea that gets another throwaway line, that has such interesting character implications. It is fine to add that as a footnote at the end, but it’s not treated with the gravity it should have.

Another character I think really got rushed toward the end is Marcille. Her character resolution of after the banquet being okay with Falin’s death is crazy. Her calling her time with the winged lion a tantrum is insane. Her extending of others life may be something that she now sees the consequences of, but there is not payoff for that realisation. We do not see it happen, it apparently occurs offscreen.

There’s a lotta other little things that feel off to me but those are my two main examples. I found in reading it again there were times that the story didn’t show or explain things properly (Kabru in magic handcuffs is something I only found out about when he broke them, I genuinely cannot find where itsumi found that doll of Yadd). You can make the argument that’s a reading comprehension error on my end, that’s fine but there were enough small things that I don’t think I’m the only one that missed small half panel cues. Chekov’s gun only works if you let the audience actually see and note the gun.

Again, please don’t take this as a hate rant, I genuinely love dunmeshi. It’s a really good story. But the best stories are the ones that need to be critiqued. The basic happy ending just does not fit at all, to the point that it feels completely wrong.

Idk, hi if you actually read this whole thing, you’re a legend. Please tell me your opinions id love to hear them

[tiercel]

Disappointed that furry worlds typically focus on a predator/prey dynamic and not the batshit reality of many species coexisting intermingling and scientifically developing at once

[hesbianyaoi]

The Soukokus and the Four Symbols: Pt 1

STARTING OFF BY SAYING: This is just a fun connection/"theory" (if you would call it that) I made while reading BSD, so not everything will be connected exactly to the T. I just love mythology and Byakko has already been confirmed to be a celestial being thanks to chapter 119, so in any case, buckle up and enjoy my insanity.

WHO AND WHAT EXACTLY ARE THE FOUR SYMBOLS?

The Four Symbols—also known as the Four Guardians or the Four Gods—are constellations and mythological creatures in Chinese (and other countries in the Sinosphere) culture that are believed to be the protectors of the four cardinal points: the North, South, East and West.

They also had correspondence with the Five Phases (Wuxing), the philosophy that the fundamentals to the universe were composed of elements and their relationships to one another. These elements include nature, seasons, times of day, directions, and colors.

The Four Symbols are the Azure Dragon of the East, the White Tiger of the West, the Vermilion Bird of the South, and the Black Tortoise of the North.

Sound familiar?

It's like how Soukoku + Shin Soukoku is associated with the colors blue/red and black/white. This alone wouldn't be enough for me to make this entire thing such a big post in the first place, though; it's the very nature of everything else in Bungo Stray Dogs concerning the Soukoku's and the subtle symbolism they have connecting them to these divine beings.

For the sake of my own mind, we'll be discussing Shin Soukoku in this post, as they have the most relevance to the recent update and to their associated guardians/gods. Interesting since they create such a unique Singularity, right?

ATSUSHI: BYAKKO, THE GUARDIAN OF THE WEST

We have the most information about Byakko thus far, so it only seems fair to start off with her.

Byakko's associations with Wuxing include the color white, sunsets, autumn and its desolation, and the west itself. These are things Atsushi is commonly associated with, such as sunset/moon symbolism, how the sun sets in the west during the autumn equinox, even his joke title of the Wimp of The West in chapter 33.

Atsushi's white tiger is something we already know is highly sought after from all around the world, and we already know that the tiger itself is a "bookmark" to locate the book. The Book is obviously representative of something otherworldly, something as heavenly as its association with creation and life, and of course, Byakko is the literal guide to finding it. Because of course she is.

Byakko is more than just a white tiger; it is the embodiment of justice, protectiveness, and righteousness. It is the king of beasts and a capable warrior. She's more than just an ability (as we see in Dead Apple, alongside Rashōmōn, since they're the only two that take their own forms compared to everyone else's abilities being mirrors of themselves) as she resides inside of Atsushi's body as another physical being entirely.

Canonically, abilities are described as receiving their power by their user's souls, which is why an ability will disintegrate once their user dies.

But Byakko is not just Atsushi's ability; she is an entire being residing within him, two souls in one body. And not just any being, but a god.

It's also speculation on my part, but Byakko is often referred to as the "key" to finding The Book when in actuality, she's most likely protecting it. Fitting of the White Tiger's role as a guardian of justice and morality—if it fell into the wrong hands, balance would be broken.

AKUTAGAWA: GENBU, THE GUARDIAN OF THE NORTH

Also known as the Black Warrior of the North, as the character 武 translates to warrior/knight and is a much more faithful translation. Compared to Atsushi's more blatant connection to Byakko, Akutagawa's connection to Genbu relies more on subtlety, which I would say picked up during chapters 117.

His death, becoming a vampire, and the time spanning from his death until now could also count as a form of hibernation, given the fact tortoises hibernate and winter is the prime time for hibernation to occur, which aligns with Genbu's associations with Wuxing: the color black, winter and its frost, midnight (prime time for traditional vampires), and the north itself.

From the beginning, Akutagawa has always been associated with black as his signature color. Rashomon, his armor, is his protective "shell" like that of a tortoise. In the most literal sense, he is a warrior—a true knight, further emphasized by Bram's final wishes and desires to protect. It's also worth mentioning that the Tortoise is revered as a pillar of support during challenging times.

Honestly, need I say more?

Genbu is also associated with resilience, wisdom, and most importantly, immorality. The story of the Black Tortoise (Xuanwu) varies from legend to legend, but the general base for the story is the same: Xuanwu was once a mortal who achieved enlightenment and became immortal by pulling out his stomach and intestines, the last remains of his human parts. Once he pulls them out, they become demons, and he must subdue and tame them—quite literally overcoming his own sins.

In a twisted sense, Akutagawa's death was a form of enlightenment.

He dies believing that Dazai truly didn't abandon him, that this was all just a test, and thus he dies with a smile on his face. Now that Akutagawa is awake, he doesn't remember anything besides his knightly duties. It is a new beginning for him, one without the demons of his past weighing him down internally.

He is anew. He is enlightened.

SO, WHAT COULD THIS MEAN?

That's the thing. It could mean nothing at all except for speculation. It could mean something bigger in store for the future of the story. The point is that we don't know what could happen or what any of this could mean outside of correspondence with mythological archetypes. Regardless if this actually contributes anything to the plot, the similarities between Akutagawa-Atsushi and the White Tiger-Black Warrior were too fun to resist talking about, which brings up another point.

Byakko and Genbu, Baihu and Xuanwu, Atsushi and Akutagawa, the new Double Black. They all represent the same thing: balance.

The tiger is representative of its protectiveness and righteousness whilst the tortoise is associated with its wisdom and the strength of a warrior. All four guardians are responsible for the balance of the cosmos and nature itself, and for the Soukokus, it is the same.

The balance they fight to keep is not only between themselves and each other but for Yokohama, for the fabric of reality itself. (And it's something I want to go deeper into when I focus on Dazai & Chuuya next.)

[heavens-angriest-winner]

the good part of this episode was that the next episode is not coming out anytime soon