#I feel very weird.... kinda like asking for help to the void

[varjopeura]

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[bluewolfangel01]

I feel uhhh so silllyy for requesting this but what if sheep mc snapped at like the brothers cuz there’s no way their 100+ year old asses are still acting like angsty teenagers (MC has a delusional joy moment😔😔😔)

It's okay, this is a very interesting request and I'm glad to do it 😁

I will specifically be writing Mc as a sheep like in the manga cause tiny pissed off sheep going off on tall and powerful demons is hilarious (sorry for the wait btw)

angy Mc is funny Mc and you can't change my mind

(I headcanon that the brothers sense their sin on Mc/you btw)

-Angy Mc-

Satan was the first one to sense something was up after a few minutes after his brothers and him started arguing

At first he wasn't sure what he was sensing, until he realized that he felt his sin, pure festering wrath

The worst part? He realized that it coming from Mc, who oddly enough was just sitting quietly on the couch, blankly staring at their phone in front of them

Satan went quite

Which caught the attention of the other brothers, who also turned their shouting at Satan, and even though Satan was very tempted to strick back at them, he held his tongue for once

Mc: "Can you all not fight, argue, or yell FOR ONE DAY?!"

It was at this point the brothers knew, they f#cked up (and went silent)

Mc: "Honestly, I know yall are brothers and demons so this kinda stuff is bound to happen but for Diavolo's sake this is getting ridiculous!"

Mc: *points hoof at Belphie* " Belphie. I know you're the avatar of sloth and therefore sleep a lot, but you can't solve all your problems and grief by sleeping the time away constantly, and the youngest brother brat thing doesn't always make you endearing!"

Mc: *points hoof at Beel* "Beel. I know you have survivors guilt but Lilith ended up living with humans like she wanted, Belphie doesn't need you standing up for him all the time, and you needn't continue to try to fill the hole inside you by eating in a restaurant that has no more food when you could just go down the street to another food place!"

Mc: *points hoof at Asmo* "Asmo. I know you ~get it on~ mainly to distract yourself from your troubles, to make yourself forget even just for a bit, sometimes but you can't push those feelings down forever, so actually talk with someone, anyone, about whats bothering you rather then trying ignore it! And stop hitting on your brothers, it's kinda weird!"

Mc: *points hoof at Satan* "Satan. I know you have an inferiority complex when it comes to Lucifer, but for the love of Diavolo, you wouldn't be called Satan, avatar of wrath, if you were like Lucifer in the first place. You have blonde hair and like cats, Lucifer has black grey-ish hair and likes dogs. AND THATS JUST THE START OF THE CONTRASTS! You are your own person, get that through your thick skull!"

Mc: *points hoof at Levi* "Levi. I know that it's easy to compare yourself to others and not at least feel somewhat bad about yourself but how do you not realize that you're the best tech wiz we got, an amazing gamer, and the most dedicated being I've ever seen in my life! So if you think that you're not good at something think again!"

Mc: *points hoof at Mammon* "Mammon. How in the whole Devildom is the Avatar of Greed almost always poor?! Also I know you are a material gorl, but items and things can't fully fill the void that you feel, so stop acting all emotionally constipated and just ask for affection if you want it!"

Mc: *points hoof at Lucifer* "And you Lucifer. I know you're the eldest and the prideful one, but there is such a thing as shouldering too much and being stubborn to a fault! Ask for help and for Diavolo to lessen your workload every once in a while! And stop not telling your brothers important things, rather then being all secretive to try to 'protect them' youre just hurting yourself and them cause of it!"

Silence was all that could be heard in the House of Lamentation, the brothers still as statues with varying amount of widened eyes, staring at the small being that they cherished that had just ripped into them so aggressively

After a minute ofa dead silent pause, Mc turned off their phone, hopped off the couch and started walking to the living room exit

Mc: "Honestly, I didn't expect to become a therapist for demons when coming here, and now I can't even read my enemies to lovers book in even somewhat peace.... I don't get paid enough for this."

They then disappeared from the brothers' sight, left to wrap their heads around what just happened

And the arguement that started it all? Who was going to make dinner that night

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Hi there, i feel like our spouse doesn't react much to all the magical weirdness on our farm

Can i get some hc for Sdv+sve spouses one day waking up and being able to see an army of juminos recolting crops (farmer have like 4/6 juminos huts and lots of crops)

And the farmer just say "oh you can finally see them" while giving the juminos some raisins.

Heya 👋 Thank you for your ask, dear anon! (and I apologize for taking a little longer to answer 😅).

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SDV/SVE bachelors:

Alex can't believe his own ears! Spirits? For real? No way! The athlete dropped everything and quickly walked over to one of the Junimo and started poking at them, causing the little creature to squeak. "Alex, don't be rude. At least offer them raisins first." "Oh, sorry..." But he can't help himself because... a real spirits!

"Hey hon, I made you coffee-" Stepping out onto the front porch of the farm house, Shane found an army of apples with eyes and arms and legs following Farmer around like little chickens following mama hen. With a "fuck this shit, I'm out" face, he walked back home, thinking it was all from lack of sleep.

Sam's eyes nearly popped out of his orbits when he saw Farmer surrounded by apple-like creatures that were jumping and reaching for the raisins in Farmer's hands. The guitarist approached his spouse with an obvious question, but his stomach rumbled treacherously. "Do you have any raisins left for me?" Breakfast first, question later.

"Huh." That was all Sebastian expressed as he treated Junimo to some raisins. This creatures kinda cute, actually. "Sebby, dear, didn't it surprise you at all?" *Sebastian looks at the huge slime hutch, the coop with void chickens, the giant golden clock and the four tall warp obelisks* "Nah, not really, why?"

Not believing his own eyes, Harvey wiped his glasses and looked again, but what he saw before him had not changed. Farmer was still standing over the strange leaf house, and the apple-like creatures were still jumping around them. The doctor felt a little uneasy. He wants to ask. At the same time, he doesn't want to ask anything, lest he break his mind completely.

At first Elliott couldn't understand why there were different apples lying around his spouse. Red, yellow, green... blue and purple? Until those apples had eyes, arms and legs. "Good morning, Elliott, did you sleep well?" Apparently not, because the writer feels that sleep deprivation is making him see some... jumping apples.

Why would Magnus be surprised by the existence of Junimo? In fact, he's the one who introduced Farmer to these creatures. Interest in how his spouse had made friends quickly with the forest spirits, yes, but surprised? He is a wizard, he'd seen more stranger things than that in his life.

Well, that.... explains why Farmer refused Victor's advice to hire some helpers for the farm. Turns out his beloved spouse already has helpers... Little, apple-like helpers. Victor knows magic exists, but he didn't think he'd see something like this in real life. This is great, actually. Very interesting.

Does Lance see Junimo? *Chuckle* Of course, dear Farmer, and not only does he see them, but he even managed to ask the little forest spirits a few questions. For a good portion of raisins, because they love this treat so much. When else would the gallant adventurer have a chance to chat with Junimos, hm?

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SDV/SVE bachelorettes:

It had been about half a minute, and Maru couldn't let go of the idea that what she was seeing was the work of magic, and not Farmer's little robotic assistants. Magic, spirits... No, that somehow doesn't fit in her head. She's determined to study these 'Junimos' to see who or what they are. Erm, if the Farmer and the creatures themselves don't mind, of course.

You know that state when you have a lot of conflicting emotions bubbling up inside you, you don't know how to react to your own cognitive dissonance about the "magic" that is right in front of your eyes, but you try to stay positive for the sake of the person you love? That's what Penny was experiencing when her spouse was showing her forest spirits.

"Oh, so cute!" Abigail has a bit of magic in her, so of course she can see Junimo too. She's in awe of these forest creatures! And they are such wonderful helpers, harvesting the crops. "My spouse pays you well, yeah?" And the little Junimos jump around happily with tasty raisins in their little hands.

"Eeew! What is tha- Ah, okay, at least it's not rats." Apparently Haley can excuse cute magical forest spirits, but she draws the line when it comes to rats. Because she's terrified of those rodents, yuck. Junimos at least help her beloved Farmer with work, and they smell like forest freshness.

Merciful Yoba! Emily felt the presence of someone's unusual aura, but she couldn't explain who it was coming from. It turned out that all the time the little apple-shaped creatures had been at the farm and had helped her spouse! Kind spirits, how wonderful! And they like raisins? Oh, she sure has a treat for her new forest friends!

Huh, when Leah mentioned that Stardew Valley is "full of magic," she meant that it's full of inspiration for her future works, not literally... Oh, well. Yes, strange little creatures live with her and Farmer, so what? They're cute, kind, and hard-working. Great neighbours (not like she had when she lived in the Zuzu City).

Olivia thought all week that there were a bunch of mice running around the farm, stealing the ripe wheat. After expressing their fears to Farmer that their crops might be destroyed by pests, Farmer showed their wife that it wasn't mice, but little helpers, Junimos, who live there. ...She need a glass of wine. Maybe two.

"Oh, do you see them too, dear?" To be honest, Claire would rather not see them. Not that she minded the cute, erm, creatures, just... Eh, you know what? Why should she be surprised at all? There are so many unusual things and creatures (golden chickens, slimes) on her spouse's farm that there's no point in her being surprised.

Sophia was stuck somewhere between the "Adorable lil apples!" and "Eeeeep! What is that?!" when she saw her spouse surrounded by a dozen magical Junimos. The pink-haired girl floods Farmer with questions and tries to take pictures of the forest creatures on her phone, to show Scarlett (only they've scattered now, awww!)

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[tubbytarchia]

Thoughts on the dynamic between TIES Tango and BB Jimmy? Or even the silly rivalry they have in SL? There’s just so much adorable fluffy potential there and I’m just 💭

- 🧚🏼‍♀️

YOU'RE RIGHT THERE IS AND I LOVE THEM. SL ranchers are SO cute and precious its off the charts. Limited Life however...

Ok drawing that hurt a bit so I'm immediately following up with this

Limited Life is so carefree in general it's SO fun and probably the least angst material out of any of the Life series to me (of course there is still plenty, can't underestimate the traffic fandom's ability to find angst in everything) including Tango and Jimmy. They're so fun and you're right that it's a lot of fluff potential, mostly because Jimmy being a "bad boy" is so funny. BUT THE, MAN. TH The fact that this is the one after DL, after Jimmy so desperately wanted to apologize to Tango for how they went out and who knows if he got to do that or not. I love the idea of them reuniting in some temporary afterlife game or dark void following their deaths, but also what if they didn't get to talk... maybe it was only Tango's distant messages "you're still here? It's over. Go home. Go" that reached him and then he just didn't dare to talk about it other than the one time he instinctually called him "rancher" again. I can't help but be filled with angst when I think about LimL ranchers but I trust that where there is angst, hurt/comfort is sure to follow.... If not then I just die I guess

The bad boy sunglasses are very convenient to hide the look with which he gazes upon Tango from a distance... But then oop Tango hops through the nether portal on top of bad boy mansion and Jimmy decides to go for it, to try and harken back to how they used to be to gauge how Tango will react when he goes "The boogie's being chosen, you're here with us now, we have to look into each other's eyes!" (paraphrasing) and then he's like "oh Impulse is here too" lmao and then that's just kinda it. And then TIES blows up bread bridge and auughhghhh you know??? I'm so bad at expressing how I feel, sorry this is a ramble. But I love them so very dearly and I could absolutely imagine inconspicuous moments between them. Like whenever I think of potential LimL rancher fluff my mind goes to this one fanfic about Jimmy being sleep deprived and he just kinda ends up at TIES and Tango puts him to sleep. Stuff like that

And idk what more to say about Secret Life. Their little rivalry is so funny and literally idk if it's the fanart that has absolutely fucked with my head but every time I think about them I imagine them awkwardly flirting on complete accident and just being kind of weird but. very lovable. They had only two notable interactions and those two interactions left me permanently deranged

ANYWAY THANKS FOR THE ASK ANON

[crushedsweets]

Can you draw or talk more about Toby and Eyeless Jack or even the X-Virus?

YESSSS i can. heres a lil doodle to get me started.

OKKKK the little concept in my head has slender's MAIN GOAL being to prevent any paranormal/supernatural stuff coming out to the general public. hence his proxies being made to get rid of tapes, evidence, and kill if Necessary. sometimes slender makes paranormal/supernatural ppl help out his human proxies "as payment for refuge" in his forest. SO that sorta explains how toby and jack know each other and why jack helps at all. he can't rlly go out to the public so he's stuck with these assholes. it's not really supposed to be a 'mansion' trope, moreso random cabins and shelters littered about the forest, but it could work in the mansion au too

Imma ramble abt toby n jacks friendship (in my head) under the cut + a random x virus doodle

as for toby and jack specifically. toby is impulsive, aggressive, can't feel pain, and doesn't know what's good for him, so he's forced to get help from jack a good bit. for a long while there was hella tension between them since, again, jack isn't helping these guys out of the goodness of his heart. he's helping them bc the forest their boss resides in is the only place he's relatively safe. jack has a weird mix of a inferiority and superiority complex, since he envies toby's humanity but also feels like he's 'better' due to toby's own . . violent habits. toby thinks jack is pretty cool from the get-go ('wooow ur grey..') but he gets pissed off with jack's questions and demands of 'DONT RIP UR FUCKING STITCHES' and 'u have a concussion don't fucking scroll on your phone for 5 hours a day'.

toby has no idea if these demands come from actual concern or annoyance, and frankly, neither does jack. regardless, toby's with jack a decent bit. partially since jack makes a lot of people really uncomfortable so it's easy to go hang out with jack when he doesnt wanna deal with anyone else but still wants company. eventually theyre capable of some decent banter and conversations. theyre both mamas boys so thats a very weird touchy topic that they kinda dance around but both feel very deeply and know the other relates. THEY MISS THEIR MOMS SO BADLY.. :( mayhaps one year toby helps drop off flowers to jack's moms house for mothers day. jacks way too ashamed to even get within a 10 mile radius of his mom. that's kinda the moment things really shift between them and they actually become friends.

toby also asks abt university. lyra was at community college until she passed, and toby never considered college as an option, so he gets curious on what he missed out on. he also likes to share stuff abt lyra and their old shenanigans. tim and brian have used his childhood against him multiple times before, and it's not like he's gonna trust ben or jeff with that information. jacks sort of like a void he could talk into. jack feels uneasy talking about his life before the sacrifice, since he misses it so unbelievably bad, but toby accidentally got him to talk about it while treating a burn before.

ok and to top this fucking essay off heres xvirus. i had no idea he existed until this year and someone sent me an ask about his updated design, so he's some scribbles for him :9 his concepts super cool tho so maybe ill get more into him later on

[mimiyewaffles]

A FEW INTERESTING THINGS

I guess I need help

So if y'all dont know, I'm trying to revise my boyfriend's d3ath.

It's been two months since I have been affirming and a few days since I got into the concept of void. Now, I'm trying to get into the void.

I've noticed a few crazy things, that I would love to share.

I've always affirmed that “everyone will forget about my boyfriend's demise because it was just my nightmare and no such thing ever happened. He's all alive and healthy” So I guess my affirmations are kinda playing out.

1.

When I got to know about his demise, I sent him like 100 texts that day, I was so emotional and poured down everything to him. He not only is my boyfriend, but also is my best friend. The bestest friend ever and it was the worst day of my life. I was never ready to lose him.

I sent those 100 texts to him on Snapchat and obviously, my texts were just delivered. Nobody read them because that "nobody" Was long gone. I'm talking about feb, 2024. So I checked his snapchat after a few days of emotional ranting, and those texts didn't show up. I thought it might be a glitch and now after like 3 months, I went back to check on him because I missed him and guess what? ALL OF THOSE TEXTS ARE GONE!

Now idk if I'm tweaking but wtf? Snapchat has this feature where messages get deleted after 24 hours of being seen. But nobody saw my messages to begin with, where are those texts????

Like... All the snaps, that were sent before those texts and even after those texts are still in delivered, not seen.

Can anyone tell me if this is a glitch? This couldn't be, right? It's been 3 months to that incident, if it were glitch, it would have been fixed by now but idk-

2.

My bf would post about his travelling and stuffs in Instagram reels and I often visit his account to look at him all alive once again and one day, I noticed one of his reels cover has changed 💀 and I even showed it to my sister and friend and they were shocked too. I thought it might be a glitch too. But it stayed like that for 3 days and then switched back to what it was before.

This might be a glitch idk honestly but my friend said it might be a "timeline/dimensions overlapping"

3.

Two of my close friends are really logical minded and I never told them about my manifestation/shifting to a reality where my bf never got into an accident, because they wouldn't believe me. They don't even believe in multiple realities... So, not worth it.

A week ago, I texted one of these friends, saying that I feel like my bf is alive (emotional ranting) and all she told me was to hold up and move on, I'm thinking way too much 😮‍💨

And that's that. We didn't talk much about it.

After a few days of that, she texted me herself telling me that she feels the same. She feels as if my bf is alive too and maybe faking a death. We didn't get into the conclusion but yeah, we are still in doubt.

Also I would daydream about meeting my bf once again and i would make infinite possibilities to proof my reasoning mind that he's alive. So one of my imagination was my friend texting my bf's brother (they have nothing in common, they don't even know each other yet I imagined them talking) and his brother would say that my boyfriend is actually alive. And that scene exactly happened, except for the alive part. my friend talked to his brother to get his "last" Pics and guess what? They don't have that. Which is super weird because that accident just happened this year and those photos are gone. I texted one of his other brother who always replies to my texts and always give me updates about how their family is grieving but when I asked about pics, he left me on seen— again very weird.

Moreover, all of them (his family members) have moved on completely. They are enjoying and travelling. Idk how but like in a month of my bf's demise, they started partying a stuff which is super weird to me.

.....

I guess my affirmations are kinda becoming true. My 3D is maybe conforming slowly (?) Idk 😭

Lemme know what y'all think. Any tips on revising such thing would be appreciated. Thanks for reading 🎐

I'm sorry if I don't make any sense, I'm probably being delusional. Sorry for the rant 🥲🤌

[kineticallyanywhere]

Matt "I can and will remind everyone that Link is REALLY wierd about Normal with like no real explination at this point" Arnold out here like "let me see if I can underminine my entire point in this character arc defining interaction" and I unironically love him for it Link is SUCH a messy b word rn

(this turned into a long response, let's talk Fascinating Character Flaws!)

I dont think it's so much that he's weird about Normal, if I'm understanding what you mean by 'weird', especially in this episode. I feel like it circles back to what I keep thinking about, which is his newest teen fact. the one where he-- does this count as poisoning? he made other children ill in a fit of jealousy for anyone having any time with his dads.

listen, I've had many homeschooled friends. At one point in college I was the "actually went to public school" member of the friend group. People can go in and out of homeschooling and be... not whatever the heck Link has going on. I was excited for him when that fact started, like, "oh he was part of a cohort!" until uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh!

(the following are thoughts that I'm still developing in my head as I type and probably after I post)

whether it's due to the overprotective parenting or just Link's nature or a Symptom of a Condition (op has their own Condition but is not a psychologist) Link's got an issue with like. not getting what he wants? not usually in super obvious ways, it's not spelled out, he doesn't throw tantrums or anything. unless you count the thing at Normal about Normal not wanting to do "cool plans." and most of the time he doesn't want anything complicated, his wants have been pretty straight forward and in line with what anyone would want in these circumstances. he wants people to not die is the big major one, he wants to not feel betrayed again, he wants his friends to stop fighting, he wants to get this over with NOW. and he's been going through so much of not getting what he wants (COMPLETELY REASONABLE THINGS TO WANT, IN THIS CASE. TRAUMATIC THINGS TO NOT GET) that he seems to not know what he wants at all anymore.

like, his understanding of the world has been rocked so bad that he's pretty sure all those things I just listed just aren't things he can have. in the past whenever he needled his parents or acted out or did certain things he'd get what he wanted. not to say that he's spoiled but uh... okay yeah I am saying that a bit. but mostly in the ways that it keeps him from developing the coping mechanisms for when you ask something from life and it punches you in the teeth instead.

So in a world where he doesn't know how to get what he wants and maybe he isn't sure what he even can want, he's kinda just shutting down internally. In the mean time, he may as well make sure his friends get what they want, and then maybe at some point he'll want something again. so, in a way, what he wants is to feel and want something, so that "wants what he wants" part of him snapped out again at Normal with "well at least you're feeling something." in other words, "you have the thing that I want right now, and I'm gonna sound pretty bitter about not having it myself" which is an effed up thing to say when that thing he's having is a mental breakdown.

Link. Buddy. Bud. Kiddo. Pal. you need Help.

tl;dr and conclusion: imo for their mental health the party should split into Link & Taylor and Scary & Normal again for an episode or two. Norm and Scary for hopefully obvious reasons; and Link and Taylor because while Taylor is unquestionably a rich kid spoiled for material goods who is very good at wanting things, he is also a kid who's mom knows how to say "No. Absolutely Not. Give me the knife right now I don't care what seppuku is" and who's dad left an emotional void for over a decade that he is clearly adept in coping with and he could give Link some pointers.

also because it would be a cool callback and parallel to early episodes to do those pairs again. see how they've changed and stuff

[transingthoseformers]

Omo anon here! Don't worry, when I said omo I was thinking about pee in general, not just desperation and squirming, I'd like to hear any other idea too! I get now that 'wasteplay' may be more accurate word. I have my own ideas, but they are kinda weird, there's a wedding dress in one of them 🙈 Sorry if robots in human clothes is not your thing! I know that some brides' dresses are very tight, or complicated, and it takes hours to put them on. I remember some blogger telling about her friend who wasn't able to use the bathroom in her dress and they didn't have time to take it off and put on again, and this person just helped her friend to relieve herself into a paper bucket. I imagine Drift wanting his and Ratchet's Conjunx Endurae ceremony to be perfect. He orders a big beautiful dress, that turns out to be really hard to put on. Dresses for transformers are even more complex that human brides could have because of their frame shape. And Drift has been nervous since early morning, because it's such an important day, the starts of his new life, and he completely forgot to void, and he drank a special energon tea to calm himself down, and now his need is growing. The preparations are almost over, the ceremony is going to start in less than half and hour. Drift asks Rodimus to come closer and whispers 'I need to go' into his audial. At first Rodimus is confused and asks 'Where?', and Drift loses his patience needed to be subtle and polite. 'I need to piss', he says wincing. By this time his waste tank is so full that he has to try hard not to squirm. He's terrified by the idea of ruining his beautiful dress and the ceremony, but putting the dress off and on again will take forever! He's begging Rodimus with the look of his optics, and Roddy gets the idea. He orders everyone to leave the room and looks around for anything Drift can use. He sees a bucket that Swerve used to carry energon snacks in. It's empty now, so he takes is. Drift is blushing. He has done things much worse and dirtier in his life, but it was so long ago, it was a low life un the Dead End. At the day of his ceremony, in his gorgeous white and golden dress he feels nothing like that Drift, but he has no choice. He lifts his dress and opens up. Rodimus crouches in front of him and holds the bucket between Drift's slightly parted legs. With a shudder Drift unleashes a hissing torrent into the bucket, blushing even deeper at the sound and the pleasure of finally letting go. He thinks that Rodimus must be lookin away, but when he looks down he sees not only his stream filling the bucket with waste fluid but also his friend lookin at his valve. Rodimus giggles and mutters 'Sorry' in a husky voice. The bucket is almost full when Drift stops, he tries not to think about how weird and uncomfortable Rodimus must feel holding a bucket, heavy with his friend's waste fluid. Rodimus moves awkwardly away, checks if Drift is fine and excuses himself to the bathroom, joking about his waste tank taking an example of Drift's. He's lying! 😅

Oh i am here for this

I'm down for robots in clothes, too

Oh drift...

[moonfurthetemmie]

"ok so THAT'S going to cause more problems than literally anything or anyone else ever"

so quick note: i have not consulted The Council(TM). i think Wheeze is busy, but they'll see it eventually and if they wanna chime in with their own ideas they will.

anyways here's the fucking disaster that im just going to call Supernova because that's what's going to be the end result if they catch feelings.

Delusion:

most emotionally constipated bitch of all time. very very intentionally. unfortunately slash is making him a little happy and he can feel it through the emotion-squishing he's doing and he's being a little crazy about it. at the same time though, she's so annoying. why.

he's god. he can do that. he doesn't want to. feel that way. about her. if he caved to his feelings though,,,,

God complex says "Why am I struggling with this? I shouldn't be struggling. I'm a god." Unfortunately God complex also goes "i'm a god and i deserve to get anything i ask for." he wouldn't be too weird about it, unless he really, really went off the deep end. which is plausible. especially if they somehow end up somewhere together with a magic suppressor and he realizes just how much he likes her that he could still feel it through his squished emotions and general feeling of Stoned Zen he's in almost all day every day

see god complex again. he can definitely bring her back right?? and who knows maybe she'll be grateful and things will be a little smoother. it's about as likely as me eating some weird new food that looks like a sensory hell, but yknow. maybe.

gestures at emotion squishing and his aura filling that void in. He's not really cold, though, he's just. a wall. a brick wall. bitch

surely it's nothing more than happenstance. This sort of thing happens sometimes. It's nothing to look too deep into. (but she hated him so much. and he hated her as much as he possibly could, without his aura hurting him. what if it wasn't a coincidence...? ...nah that's bullshit.) (he still occasionally questions it)

come hell or high water, he's going to create his perfect world. He just hopes she and her friends will realize that's he's right.

see first part of point 5

emotionally constipated bitch

there's so many cynical, logical, non-emotional reasons that this is a Bad Fucking Idea for him and his image. he won't let it happen again if he can help it.

i did say something about delusion's emotional state making him a good victim for yandere-fication, right?? because that's pretty much what this is past a certain point, and by then he's not even going to care if she knows anymore

see point 11

see point 11 again. But also: married to job.

yearning hours. won't admit it but oh he is yearning.

i love how this unintentionally escalated from 'interested and rather confused about it' to full blown yandere bullshit. but that's how it works in the good yandere fics anyways, right?

can you see half the problem now

Slash:

girl generally isn't emotionally constipated but why the FUCK would she like this walking rotisserie at ALL for ANY REASON anyways she's trying to distance herself. aggressively

see. here's the thing. She absolutely would burn down the world for the people she loves. However. this is something of a problem when Pluto + Byte and Delusion are on two, very hostile sides. and like yeah she's with pluto and byte 100% but. could she really handle that. she's trying not to think about it.

"i fucking hate you. i hate that i like you at all. shit, man, how the hell am i going to get through this without losing at least one, but maybe two people! I'd choose Pluto and Byte over you any day no contest but I would be UPSET and i DON'T DESERVE THIS FUCKING! EMOTIONAL TURMOIL BULLSHIT!" (do you guys think she's a little upset?)

she's gonna be upset about it, buuuuut...she still has pluto and byte. she's doing good. one guy who she kinda liked vs. her two best friends who are just as insane as she is, and whom she's been through so much with? yeah losing delusion was absolutely best case scenario. anyways she keeps wondering if she could've somehow saved him.

she is so fucking pissed about this. I know i've said that three times but i cannot understate how mad she is. she's going to go off on her own to kill people. do you know how rare that is???? so rare that for a while no one thinks it could've been her. She's furious. unfortunately she's also very clingy with loved ones. and even more unfortunately. that includes delusion.

there's no WAY this is fate. no way in hell.

the only reason she would leave byte and pluto at all ever is if she had absolutely no other choice. this could be a variety of things; sickness, serious injury, they're trapped and she can't get them out on their own, etc. And hypothetically, Delusion might be able to help with some of these things, but even in such a case she ain't leaving them forever.

slightly more to the left of delusion only because in the right circumstances yeah maybe she actually would ask him out for real. pluto and byte better be safe and unbrainwashed and they all have to be chill with each other though. which is still an INCREDIBLY slim chance. the only reason BOTH of them aren't further to the right is because unfortunately i think they, outside of the context of their relationship, would be somewhat willing to get married. in theory. delusion is doing it for political gain more likely than not.

aggressively in denial

see point 6. ain't no way. nuh uh.

partly in denial but mostly just. this is the ONE thing she's being normal about.

seeee. here's the thing. saving him might also, in her mind, include making him stop. yknow. god complex, brainwashing. Actually mainly just that. pretty much the rest of it is fine. but yeah it's going to kinda be saving him but also 'i WILL fix him or SO HELP ME GOD.' she will still be fucking furious that she likes him tho and this will probably make things worse rather than better :D

"anyone" isn't really the point regarding where I put her dot. If I lumped Delusion with Byte and Pluto, her dot would be so far to the right it would be screeching about how the gays and transes ruin everything. but Delusion on his own? nah. he's like a 'it'd be nice to have but really not necessary' sorta thing. except she's angry about it.

see point 9

also she's being unusually violent because of all this. even if she stopped being upset about the fact that she cares about him at all, she's still distressed because she can't see any possible way for her to have Delusion and Pluto and Byte that doesn't involve letting Delusion brainwash them. and she sure as hell isn't letting him do that. and she's getting that stress out via murder and destruction of public and private property.

also it is CRITICAL that she does still also hate him despite romantic feelings. It's both. He's fucked up her and her besties so much and it's going to take more time than she has left on this earth for her to forgive him. which is fair.

[luveline]

Hi lovely 🫶🏼 I asked if you’re ever afraid of running out of dialogue. I write too but before I wrote actual fics I used to really struggle with dialogue. So far it hasn’t happened yet but I do write a lot and I’m worried at one point I’ll run out of things for the characters to say, you know? Where do you bring dialogue inspo from, do you take inspiration from tiktok and media and stuff, do you ever reuse your own dialogue that you wrote in previous fics? Also do you think it matters for you which character you’re writing for and how do you kind of know it’s in character? That’s kinda a lot haha sorry, but sometimes I let my characters ramble to fill the void then I’m like but is this something they’d actually say? Anyway thank you so much, any help would be really greatly appreciated!!🩷

Ohhhh okay so. Yes for sure I end up reusing my own dialogue, and yeah I’m inspired by media and other things but I think most of my dialogue is actually written directly because it is attempting to stay in character! like, the conversations I right form AROUND the characters personality! I think it helps to be super conscious as you’re writing of who you’re writing for!! But sometimes you’ll of course write dialogue and afterwards wonder if it fits like you said, and there’s no harm in changing it or occasionally having a character be OUT of character, because characters are just like real people were we act weird and not like ourselves under different circumstance. Hotch is a super grumpy character but he’s not gonna spend all his time glaring at his significant other, does that make sense? So the way he talks would be soft, even if that feels wrong for him occasionally (maybe a poor example cos Hotch is demonstratively very tender in the show at moments my bad) but does that make sense? Like, if you can write an action or a reason to support the dialogue of the character that coincides with the person they are, you can’t run out of things for them to say, or at least that’s how I feel!

[rikitachiquita]

come back… be here | ni-ki

✧ synopsis: working at a cafe can be really fun: the customers being nice, cracking jokes with your coworkers, singing while brewing coffee and so on. but it's even more fun when two members of the staff bicker and fight all day and keep everyone entertained. that's what  hybe cafe is like, thanks to ni-ki and y/n.

✦ warnings: me info dumping about taylor swift and bottling up feelings (?)

⋆04 he is losing it (written 1k)

''you look bored'' said jake while looking at ni-ki. the two best friends were taking a break during their shift, since there weren't any costumers. the whole day had been dull: the weather was cloudy and it kept drizzling, ther air was very cold, especially for a september day and the lack of costumers was getting to the two baristas.

''it's cause i am bored'' replied ni-ki. he had been snappy and on the edge the whole day and jake was trying to understand the reason behind that behavior. if you asked him, he would tell you that that was just his job as a best friend.

''are you sure it's just that? you have been bad-tempered all day'' tried pushing a bit jake. maybe the younger would crack and tell what was going through his mind, even if he kinda had an idea on what it was.

'' it's nothing, don't worry''

''sure cause i will actually believe that''

ni-ki let out a sigh: maybe talking about it would help him. ''do you ever feel like you are lying to yourself?''

''yeah, it happens sometimes, usually when i can't accept something i make myself forget that thought. other times i just put it aside and don't act on it, even if it's not a healthy way to deal with itchy subjects... is something bothering you that you want to talk about?''

at those words ni-ki started thinking: was his brain making up those thoughts cause he was spending too much time at work? maybe he was too tired? it had been a while since he saw all his friends or went dancing. yeah, maybe he should just dance for a couple hours that would clear his mind-

''i think i am weirdly jealous of y/n''

jake was now looking at ni-ki's face, trying to read his emotions, but he wasn't showing any, his face was blank, a void of sentiments ''what do you mean by that?''

ni-ki took another long pause again ''i feel like i should be the only one that can annoy her. it's kind of our thing you know, annoying eachother. it bothers me when someone else does it. it's maybe a bit silly but i don't want to loose our bickerings and little fights cause they make my life a tiny bit more interesting''

''is that all?''

''yeah... do you think it's weird to feel like that?''

''no... as you said those quarrels are your thing, so it's normal to appeal entitled to it. are you sure there is nothing more to it tho?

after a few beats ni-ki decided to shift on another topic, since the discussion was going in a direction that he wanted to stay away as much as he could ''yeah don't worry. do you think that eunchae is going to come and give as a visit?''

jake let the conversation drop, still knowing that there was more to it but waiting for a better moment to dig more into it ''i don't know, she usually texts you, you should check''

ni-ki did as his friends said and as expected, there was eunchae's text: she was going to be at the cafe any minutes.

and five minutes later, there was eunchae in all glory. she went to hug the two guys and ordered her regular: an iced maple latte

''you know chae, maple latte is the drink taylor swift ordered while on a date with the ex that made her write one of her best song ever?'' said jake

''which song?''

''all too well''

''which version?'' asked eunchae. don't get her wrong, she wasn't an actal swiftie but she enjoyed the singer, i mean who wouldn't. she also liked to hear jake (or anyone) talk about their interests, but you would never catch her admitting that.

''i mean every single one but we all know that atwtmvtvftvsgavralps is just superior''

''what does that even mean'' interrupted ni-ki. a loud gasp was heard and that's when sunoo had appeared. of course he would appear in the moment that his favourite singer was mentioned.

''you have been working here for months and you still don't know what atwtmvtvftvsgavralps means? that is all we listen to basically!''

''ohhh he is losing it'' whispered eunchae: she knew that ni-ki would drive the two fans mad.

''no i don't. can you guys explain what it means?''

'' it's 'all too well 10 minutes version taylor's version from the vault sad girl autumn version recorded at long pond studios' '' explained jake

''put it on, i want to hear it since you act like it's the best song that ever existed'' declared ni-ki, and so sunoo did.

he would never admit it out loud, but they were right: ni-ki thought that the song was really good. not just good but actually touching and somehow it kept you curious, even with it's vast lenght.

after that they kept talking while the three baristas did some small chores or served the few costumers that came by.

at one point jake and eunchae were left alone for a few minutes, so jake caught the opportunity to bring up what was bothering him.

''eunchae, i think ni-ki as some kind of feelings for y/n''

''wait why?''

''we talked for a bit earlier and he said something about being jealous when other people make fun of her and how he feels like he is lying to himself''

''oh my god i actully had some suspicions, but you telling me this makes me believe that i'm probably right. i'll ask him in a few days tho, since we are having a sleepover at mine, so he might open up. it's not good when he bottles up his emotions'' she said, sounding a bit concearned

''that's why i brought it up, i know it talks to you about this type of subjects''

''yeah he does, cause i am like cupid''

''omg yes stream fifty fifty''

prev - masterlist - next

✧ note: fun fact, iced maple lattes are actually my favourite drink ever

✦ taglist: open! ask to be added@juyomiao

[shannonallaround]

Knuckles Show Thoughts

This is just an overview but here we go. Spoilers ahead.

Parts were a fun experience. I cringed so much during this show though

Really liked all the ex-GUN bad guys 😈

Genuinely enjoyed the first two episodes for the most part—particularly the evil humans trying to get Knuckles, and Knuckles' interactions with the other Wachowskis.

We didn't get enough of the Wachowskis 🥲🥲🥲

Pachacamac—WHAT THE HECK. I mean it was funny in principle, but also so weird??? I didn't know how to feel about that. I'm just gonna say that Knuckles was meditating and that's what he experienced, and Wade's vision was a fever dream. Wades bowling alley vision was so cringe.

I loved Wade's mission-impossible vision of himself that was hilarious and awesome 😂 Honestly that whole episode was just fun and cool.

KNUCKLES GLIDING WAS COOL

The writing quality REALLY dropped in the third and fourth episodes. They felt like filler and much more amateur in terms of acting direction and pacing. It felt like the human actors were asked to improv, but they were given way too little direction within which to improv, and then their stuff wasn't cut or edited through enough afterwards. The pacing was very off as a result, especially in the third one.

Genuinely hated Wade's sister for the entirety of the 3rd episode. However, I think a lot of her character's despicableness was again a symptom of too much improv and not enough thinking through her character's behavior in advance by the writers.

I totally thought Wade's sister was gonna end up having lied about her position in the FBI, or was gonna end up being a janitor there or something, because she wanted to impress her family and suffers from the same self-doubt Wade does. I think that actually would have been way cooler for her character growth.

The one part I truly loved in the 3rd episode was the Jewish folk music during the epic fight around the candles! :D That was by far the best part of the episode.

Wade's mom really grew on me by the end. I like her a lot.

Overall I enjoyed the last two episodes. THE BAD GUY LORE WAS SO INTERESTING. It was really cool worldbuilding! I wish we could have gotten more of that. The bad guys talking to each other about their motivations relating to GUN was one of the neatest parts of the series and it lasted for about 5 minutes.

I really liked hating Wade's dad (as I was supposed to). I was very suspicious of him from the beginning and honestly did not want him to have a redemption arc, and I was not disappointed. Westley my beloved he was fantastic.

LOVED how Knuckles secretly knew about the bad guys' plan to have Wade betray him through using Wade having him use his earpods that was so genius and made me happy

The rings becoming an endless loop void thing was cool.

Knuckles' fire abilities were not nearly as cool to me as they probably were supposed to be. I get they were a reference, but it changes things a lot in this universe lore-wise and I'm not sure I like that.

The ending was kinda cool, but it felt very rushed. Wish we could have seen that cool battle mec for longer, and that guy could have been a direct opponent for longer. And Knuckles passing out was angsty and dramatic! But it felt like that moment deserved a lot more time.

KNUCKLES' ARC WAS NOT FINISHED. Whyyyyyy did we not get a scene at the end where Maddie, Sonic, and Tails are frantically looking for Knuckles and they're super worried about him?? Knuckles should have come back to them all freaking out that they can't find him anywhere and it's been like THREE DAYS, and he goes up to Maddie and humbly explains to her where he's been (helping Wade) and that he's sorry he's left, but that he realized that he had somewhere to return to. That he has a home. That the Wachowskis are his new home. And he is sorry; he will go back to being grounded. And there should have been a sweet sibling moment and momma moment between them all where they hug or something ahhhh. Again, WHY did we not get this??? I must write a scene to fix it.

More about the previous point because I'm not done. In the first Sonic film, the climax of Sonic's arc was when Tom said "he was my friend", but the actual completion of that arc was when Tom and Maddie invited him to live with them and be their kid. With Knuckles, we only got the climax of his arc (Wade saying he had a home) and not the conclusion (returning to his family and home). We were cheated!

WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO THE GUY KICKED ONTO THE MUSHROOM PLANET IN EP. 1?

[justasupportunit]

Not Just Yet (Ryoji Mochizuki x Oc)

OC KISS WEEK!!! I missed two days so I kinda combined three.

Day 1) Almost (with a hint of Day 2 and 3 (Rain and Sunrise set))

TW: Attempted/Implied Su1c1de, mentions of death throughout. (If there's any more please let me know so I can add them!

Notes: The OC isn't named here, but their name is Lucian, this is kinda for a fic I'm writing about them!

This is it, you thought to yourself. Your feet staggered on the edge as you looked to the sky. You couldn’t help the tears that fell from your eyes. Why now.. Why now were you afraid of death’s kiss?

 You had no answer for yourself as you watched the sun begin to dim behind the horizon. ‘I’m sorry, but I have to go now.’ were the very words you wrote and left for someone to find. But where was it you wanted to go? You didn’t know. You swear you could feel someone watching you as you painfully let out a laugh. “W-why don’t I know…?” you stuttered. You haven’t even taken your shoes off yet, just the act of doing so scared you. It would push you further to something you were now doubting. You looked down at the ground, almost feeling faint looking at it. How did you not realize until now how high up you were? It felt like the whole world's eyes were on you, like death itself was waiting for you to do something– anything. 

You pictured your friends' faces. Mitsuru and Akihiko would definitely stop you right now, and maybe that was for the best. But.. they have their whole lives ahead of them… I.. I barely even know if I’ll have tomorrow. When all your days blur together… when time seems to drag on for eternity as well as all too fast, is that living? You didn’t know. Maybe there was something you could do to change it, maybe you could trust Akihiko and Mitsuru to help? Maybe… maybe you shouldn’t do this now.. 

You clenched your fists and hit your thigh with one. You couldn’t stand this hesitation you were now facing. But, you might be right, maybe now's not the time, maybe you can give it another day, see how things go. You wanted to scream. You were here again with no clue what to do, the feeling you dreaded the most, the feeling that made you want death's embrace in the first place. 

You don’t know why you even fell.

You didn’t scream as you did, you just looked at the sky. The sunset… Has never looked so beautiful…  You wished you could be there to see every beautiful sunset, every sunrise that would now never come, every starry sky that fascinated you to no end. Falling… really doesn’t feel fast… huh..

You saw something yellow appear in your vision, something that looked like a scarf. Weird. Then a ghostly hand grabbed your own. Before you knew it, you were falling with another. They smiled at you, their black hair flowing in the wind. For some reason, you felt relief in seeing them. Was this death? 

Your whole world began to dissipate, being swallowed by a void of rain. You watched as the sky disappeared, leaving you alone with death. You looked down, the ground hadn’t disappeared yet, and you were steadily approaching it. You felt your muscles tense as you prepared for impact, until you felt a hand redirect your gaze. Death forced you to look at it, before closing it’s eyes, bringing it’s lips close to yours. You felt your eyes grow heavy, shutting them shortly after. 

Yet, you weren’t falling when you re-opened them. 

“Hey sleepyhead~ Gonna get up?” you heard a voice call out to you. You looked around the unfamiliar terrain until you spotted a lanky guy with a yellow scarf, black hair and piercing blue eyes looking back at you. 

“W-who’re… who’re you?” you asked, your voice feeling almost foreign to yourself.

“Oh me? I’m… Ryoji.. Do you not remember me?” he asked. You shook your head causing him to pout. “Daw… well it’s okay! I’ve been watching you for quite some time now.. So let’s get up, yeah? You’ve got your whole life ahead of you.”

My… my life? Y-yeah… yeah. That’s right… my whole life…

You reached for Ryoji, only for him to partially disappear when you tried. “H-huh?”

“Oh.. sorry.. I’m kinda.. Not fully here. But don’t worry! I can still help you! Just.. picture me as your imaginary companion! Here to always protect you.” Ryoji flashed a smile towards you. “Now, let’s find a way out of here… so we can see that sunset again, yeah?”

[a-dumbass-jester]

End, Dark, and Hunt

Here are my designs for the sentient entities au {Part 1} (personality will be in the main part, I didn’t want to make it even longer than it already is(also there’s a image limit))

{End, Dark, Hunt}

{Stranger, Lonely, Desolation}

{Slaughter, Web, Eye}

{Spiral, Flesh, Corruption}

{Vast, Buried, Extinction}

If you don’t know what this is it’s basically a shitpost au of what if the entities where sentient (I’ve been thinking about this since December send help)

For reference on why most of them look so human if you haven’t seen the {main post} (will be linked when finished) especially since that post will come out after these. So basically overtime the entities look more human because of two things. 1, how old they are (they’ve built off of themselves more and developed a personality and stuff) and 2, how feared they are (keeps them more stable) (it’s also just more convenient with the environment their in)

All images from Pinterest (reverse image search it for the original post)

END

(I have so many thoughts get ready) I imagine the End to look very human. it originally looked a lot like the grim reaper and has become more human with time. First off in its transitional stage the roots sort of acted like its hair with resulted in long vine like locs. Due to the whole death/grim reaper thing, they have a very skeletal form with ashy pale brown skin. I feel like they’d be 5’7. I don’t have a reason. That just feels right. They present very androgynous, and appear to to be around 30 or 40. I will be referring to it with they/it pronouns.

I tried to create a Pinterest collage what I think The End would wear but some of it I couldn’t get accurate enough so I will describe in detail.

I imagine it to have a very whimsigoth or witchy look. Still very grim reaper esc. Long dark dresses/skirts and sleeves. I’m specifically picturing a long gray black skirt that goes to its heels. A deep purple skirt clipped up(?) layered on top that ends right above the knee. A red/brown maroon waspie (half) corset that has several belts around it. Long drapey sleeves attached to a loose v neck cut top that’s a similar color to the first skirt. The neckline has been stretched to loosely fall off the shoulders with a thin strapped tank top underneath it that’s the same color as the second skirt. It also has various necklaces around its neck and maybe some rings. It’s still wearing similar boots that it wore in the Victorian era with dark black tights underneath it. As for makeup I image something similar to the 4th photo but maybe a bit more dramatic (specifically eyeliner) with matte black lipstick.

Casual or other outfits would have a similar vibe to it, or a general goth vibe. I feel like if you wondered what would death wear, goth would be one of the first things you thing of. It was goth before ‘goth’ was even a thing(officially at least). Ends outfits have changed with human fashion, since they’ve always kinda been interested in it. So if you wonder what ‘goth’ was during a certain time just look at what End was wearing.

Images: 1,2,3,5,9: outfits. 4: makeup. 6,7: shoes. 8:hair.

Ok I have to be honest I don’t have much for Dark and Hunt (that kinda why I chose them bc of the image limit) so I will try my best to give them full designs but if anyone has any ideas PLEASE tell me.

DARK

So for dark I’m more so picturing like a void of darkness in a somewhat humanoid shape. It’s like kinda swirly and looks a bit like weird misshapen tentacles(only way I can describe it sorry) coming off of it (especially around the head(image below)). If you try you can make out a head, torso, arms and legs. And maybe it’s wearing a long black coat bc it deserves it. I asked @helinedmightbehere if they had any ideas and they said “a single closed eye”. I don’t know what exactly they ment but I’ll add it here anyway. I will be using it/he pronouns (mainly bc it’s also called ��Mr. Pitch”).

Here’s a shitty sketch by yours truly^^ (it truly does look like shit but i feel like it gets the point across)

HUNT

Ok I have the least for The Hunt. It is an animalistic fear but still has a few human avatars so maybe some fucked up animal human hybrid. I literally don’t know. Maybe it’s wearing a hunting uniform? I will probably use it/its pronouns.

Anyway this is done thx for reading bye

[talesofanaudhdnothing]

Introduction

Good morning, it’s 1pm.

I’m a vlogger at heart and hope to keep up with my channel but thought I would try another avenue of connecting? Anyways the point of that was to explain how I got so used to saying good morning to my camera that I would accidently do it at 4 or 5 pm on my way home from work in the video diaries I would make (not even to upload, I just like to talk but only to myself). Eventually I just started to do it on purpose and while i’m sure no one actually cares, I personally find it hilarious so I have claimed it as my thing.

I’m Bee and this is my blog! Could I tell you what I’ll be posting here? No. Basically, this is just a void for me to shout into just like my youtube channel. I like to think I can offer a pretty realistic and relatable perspective on life and that’s why I like to share. Because I like to consume content I can relate to, and I want to be that content for other people. I crave connection into the world I feel like an alien to. I have autism 🎉 !!! I’m not sure if it’s related but honestly, it checks. Before we go any further let me give you the alphabet soup recipe:

Level 1 ASD 

Combined ADHD

Generalized anxiety

depression

And probaby cptsd, arfid, dyscalclia ????

Aaaand as of now that’s it but give me another month or so of introspection and observation and i’ll get back to you. It’s weird taking a piece of yourself and focusing so hard to figure out what it is like that. Things I thought were just normal, aren’t. Everyone isn’t having the same thoughts and feelings and emotions as I am. Everyone is not having as tough of a time as me. I’m also hyper-independent… for some reason so that doesn’t really help with ever asking for the support I need. Weird, right?

I was officially DX with audhd on april 4th, 2023 through some place online that I still kinda squint my eyes at. But I got my silly little paper that says i’m autistic so that’s really all I needed. And tbh I could have paid for and had the best ASD evaluator in the world and I’d still be like “ ok but like..are you positive bc?”. Not because I don’t want to be autistic, god no. I was RELIEVED to discover I might be autistic. And I totally respect everyones feelings and they are very valid but I never understood being upset. To me; If you are autistic, you’ve BEEN autistic. Having the words to it isn’t going to make it worse. It doesn’t give you autism to say you’re autistic. But what it does is validate that you aren’t crazy or weird or just an outsider. You aren’t alone and now you know how to help yourself. Why would I be upset to learn that the reason I get so irrationally angry and deeply terrified when someone revs their motor is because I’m autistic and I’m not just being dramatic???

Maybe I just guessed all the right answers. I don’t do XYZ or experience XYZ like other people who are autistic so maybe I’m really not and i’ just weird and destined to never fit anywhere. What if I’m just faking symptoms (not for attention because I keep it private because I’m embarrassed). 

But I know it has to be true, deep down and it always has been and always will be. And I just want to share my experiences and my knowledge. I want to help other audhd people like me. So I want to start this blog to talk about myself; Share my experiences, pass along my knowledge, and share the good and the bad. I want people to better understand us because I know I feel chronically misunderstood. And I just wanna have fun man. I have a lot to say when it’s on my terms and I want to say it!

[poupeesdecirque]

Photo Challenges - Why I do them & why I do them alone

Time for a new blog, my topic this time: Photo Challenges!

With the new year a lot of people attempt to do the "A Doll A Week" a weekly photo challenge, some are even that ambitious to do the 365-Challenge, a photo for each day.

Back in 2014 I started my very first attempt to do a photo challenge, I got a DSLR as gift 1 1/2 years in before and kinda wanted to do more with it than just taking photos here and there. The weekly challenge of the ADAW seemed fun. On the top of this entry you can see my very first entrance for it. As you can see it started with a quite random photo.

I can tell I didn't make the full 2014 according to the ADAW but as I checked my files I noticed I indeed took photos each week?! Therefore I failed but .. also did not. It was somehow weirdly motivating for me to see that I can do it.

2015 was the first true attempt for me to finish the ADAW, this time with more effort. Because just taking photos is boring right? Aside taking more photos I wanted to feature each doll I had, around that time that was still very much possible with 52 photos for the 52 weeks of the year.

I was prepared, this was the first pic of 2015 .. well.. no. It wasn't I took it in advance and this is one of the points I later on disliked how I approached the whole thing. I was in a flickr group for some time and the same theme was going against my own liking, that people just took 20 photos at a time, posted them (all looking alike) and were finished with the whole challenge within half of the time.

I asked myself if this was what I wanted? The whole thing started to frustrate me, as I tried to come up with cool ideas and I saw other people half-assed their entries. Of course each to their own but no passion for the project, 'cheating' with multiple photos from one photoshoot just to make it "full" that seemed wrong for me.

But I managed to finish 2015! My first year with 52 weekly photos taken. The next year started with a photoshoot as well but I didn't use it for the ADAW.

Instead I took a break to regain and started with another idea:

Names! Like this one was named "ADAW 01 - Frost Pattern" I made it into an own challenge to add creative titles to go with the photos, also I added more and more photos, not just one but multiple. This was to challenge myself more and more. Still I tried to be motivated by others and motivate them but somehow... it still was turning me off that people approached the whole thing less .. uhm.. strict? I can't really put it into words, I just can tell as I later on within the years tried to build up a guide how to do the ADAW I got so demotivated seeing others doing it that I had to put the thread in the forum on full ignore and do my own instead? It's super weird.

What really got me going though was that I started to print my photos. 2 Photobooks for one year, having my photos printed made them more precious to me. I still make photobooks and last year I reached the maximum page count for the books and uhm.. might need to do three a year if that continues.

I can tell I got hooked by photos. Sometimes it felt hard to start over though, to start with "nothing" all over again, as I tend to null & void my own progress in my mind and well.. "new year, nothing done" got me hard sometimes, that's why the first days of the new years were hard for me to find ideas.

Also the fact that I still tried not to feature a doll twice got harder and harder even given I had more than enough dolls. But you know how it is, right? When you restrict yourself you want to do exactly that what is restricted.

Did I feel drained in the process of taking photos weekly? Oh yes, I did. Especially because I decided I have to take WHOLE PHOTOSHOOTS and sometimes even posts with outtakes to share fact about the characters. Some weeks I was so demotivated.

But a thing that helped me going was ... routine. And the photobooks. I picked a day during the week I was taking photos, which for me is Saturday, and it's still mainly Saturday to be honest.

It was 2019 already and you can see I returned to taking new year's photos, 2020 was similar. But I got tired of the ADAW thing, because it was kind of still setting to close borders for me. Taking photos weekly was becoming easy for me because I did it for so long. I still kinda tried to keep up with other hobbyists but in 2020 with the pandemic I cut ties with my local community and decided that 2021 would be the first year of me not doing a 'A Doll A Week'

Wait? What? Yes, you read that correctly.

Welcome to my own challenge the ... Weekly Photo!

This might seem not much of a difference but allows me to take photos, not just of dolls but of landscapes, people, animals and that was important to me. I still mainly use it for dolls but I wanted to do an own challenge, without any link back to the 'rules' of the ADAW and without the mental connection to the community I had left behind.

With the Weekly Photo I started to thrive. No more (own set) boundaries, every doll could be featured, even 20 times in a row, no rules, no titles, no themes, just me and my camera. For the sake of being creative.

And that's what I can tell you about my challenges... do it for the creativity, do it to challenge yourself. Don't be that dumb like I was and think you have to stick to what everyone else does or that you have to do it a certain way.

Now taking photos became so easy for me I see it as challenge to use the seasons as canvas to come up with something, to learn what light/time is the best.

I can tell my photography has envolved because I dared and tried, I challenged myself, revisted ideas but didn't try to set boundaries to my own creativity.

To be honest I now see photo ideas everywhere and almost have to stop myself from taking TOO MANY PHOTOS because .. I still need to sort them out :')

Oh a little thing that still is a rule for me ... I didn't bury them all: the first photo has to be taken in the actual year. Yes, I stayed up super late to take Tamani's photos as the first set of 2024 just to be sure I have that done.

I'm not sure if this entry is helpful for someone, for me looking up the old photos (I put in one for each year of a challenge) was super interesting and with a super busy week and weekend behind me I wanted to do a lighter topic for once.

I can tell writing down really helps me to reflect the hobby and to think through some decisions.