#I feel like there must be so many people like me who suffer from executive dysfunction and overstimulation and stuff like that

[abbyfmc]

Yandere Emperor! x Female! Reader Phrases #2:

A/N: Continuation of the previous part.

-"When did I say you could go? I brought you here to cuddle you"- The yandere emperor will surely have summoned you one night to serve him, and seeing that you were trying to leave or looking for excuses to leave, he will have closed any door or window, or grabbed you by the wrist or another part of the body.

-"If you are in love with someone else, I will behead him without hesitation"- He is the yandere emperor, and he is capable of anything to have you by his side, including extreme physical punishments or the execution of your partner or fiancé.

-"You didn't know who was going to attack me or how, and yet you protected me that year and suffered great damage to your body. I really appreciate what you did and I want to make it up to you by letting you be my wife."- In a story about Yandere crown prince x maid reader, you probably served the yandere prince (who in the future would be the yandere emperor) closely, and due to the environment in which he lived, you had to watch his back many times, ending up being sometimes punished by other superiors and even tortured. The yandere prince KNOWS about your wounds and scars and now that he is an emperor, he tries to reward you.

-"I will take good care of you."- A more subtle and "kinder" way to make you understand that you will not leave the palace.

-"No matter what you are, you will still be mine. You can be my empress, my favorite consort or concubine; and if you want to be a servant, you will serve at my side, so your rank within this palace does not matter; you will NEVER escape from me."- Another stern warning from him. You are partly right; since if you are his empress, consort or concubine, you will have to continue serving or obeying him in everything. If you are a maid, he will purposely make you clean what he tells you, wash his clothes, follow him and take care of him; or he would put you to hard labor as punishment, until you beg him.

-"If someone dares to hurt you, I will punish the person responsible and their family."- Before, in an imperial family the issue of clans was very important and people like the empress, consorts and concubines were no exception (come on, not even the maids, guards or eunuchs were saved from it) and if they did something very bad, The emperor could punish them and their families or clans with whatever he wanted; from exile, loss of compensation and living conditions, to multiple executions.

-"Every item sent to (Y/n)'s palace must be meticulously checked."- The yandere emperor KNOWS that fights and intrigues occur in the harem that mostly end in murders, attempted murders, poisonings, accidents, false accusations and even attempted abortions by some concubines on others. He would do it with the excuse of protecting you and your possible child.

-"I can't wait to see you carry our children in your womb. That will unite us more, and make you more mine."- The yandere emperor wants to sleep with you and get you pregnant (if you are a woman), because he thinks that not only could a prince from your side be the future of the empire (or if it is a princess, he could form marital and political alliances), but He believes that with that you will not leave his side.

-"I feel delighted with every walk I take with you. Every talk, every laugh, every meal, every celebration and even when you sleep with me, I feel great; something I never experienced with anyone else."- The yandere emperor would love every moment with you; more preferably alone than in a group with his other imperial women.

-"Let these marks or scars be a clear warning in case you try to escape again."- The yandere emperor is strict with his rules, and the "no escape" rule is undoubtedly the strictest. Every time he sees you trying to escape he not only locks you up, but physically punishes you so that when you see the scars when you change or bathe, you have a memory of what will happen to you if you try to escape from him again.

-"I always collect every gift you give me, although there is one that I still fight for and that you still don't give me: your heart."- Yes, the emperor adored and appreciated either discreetly or indiscreetly each of your gifts; whether it was new clothes, new accessories, some painting on him, some sculpture, a show or simply personally playing an instrument for him. But he knows that you do it without love for him.

-"I promise you that I will take care of you and our son."- He would probably make you pregnant, and as soon as he found out he put you under all kinds of 24/7 care. He watched you all the time and had every gift, food, drink or medicine that came into your hands thoroughly checked.

-The end.

[fadingstudentbananacookie]

HotD fans are annoyed about Alicent being more worried that people are going to find out she was sleeping with Cole than mourning her grandson Jaehaerys' death and comforting Helaena.

I understand that, and as a TG stan, I am also frustrated, but it also, ironically, gives us an in-depth analysis of Alicent's trauma.

Her sexual abuse at the hands of Viserys (and Larys) for years upon years has stunted her capacity for emotional growth. Her isolation in the Red Keep and her relationship with Otto, who only regards her as his pawn, worsens her mental state.

She's more worried about her teenage-era drama, shagging someone, and being scared of having people find out (especially her father) than she is about her grandson's death or comforting her grieving daughter. This is her trying to live a true life in a fucked up world, discovering her desires and allowing herself to be selfish. By no means does this validate or exempt her from criticism.

I'm pretty sure there are many noble ladies in Westeros who, after being widowed, took their husband's household guards as lovers. Most of them probably didn't feel as guilty about it as Alicent does and went about their days frolicking.

But we also need to understand that her having sex with Cole would be considered an act of high treason against the King (her son) and could call into question the legitimacy of all four of her children (as Rhaenyra's). It's a misogynistic and patriarchial world she lives in. All the suffering she's been through would be for nothing if her virtue is questioned.

In the anguish state that Aegon is in after the loss of his child, it's very likely he can order Cole's execution and put Alicent under house arrest. (Then she'll be the Queen in Chains all over again, locked up in a castle, never free to do what she wants. She's already a pawn in Otto and Daemon's games, but regained some of her autonomy after Viserys' death).

This is not good, especially during a war, where warring factions must appear as a single unit and not seem weak to their enemies, as Otto said.

So, feel free to criticize her, but let's not try to mitigate her fears and say that she's making her situation everyone's problem. It will be a HUGE fucking problem for the Greens if anyone discovers her affair.

....

In the show, Aegon being crowned King is considered usurpation, which I do NOT agree with at all. In Fire&Blood, Aegon's claim to the Iron Throne is equal to or perhaps, I dare say, more legitimate than Rhaenyra's for two main reasons:

1). He is the eldest son of the King. Therefore, it is his birthright as inheritance custom dictates.

2). Rhaenyra's sons from her first marriage are bastards. It cannot be more straightforward than that.

This raises the question of whether Rhaenyra would even make a good queen if she could not do her duty to produce legitimate heirs as her half-brother did. Are you telling me the realm will wait until Rhaenyra dies and Jacaerys ascends the throne to start a war based on legitimate bases?

[queer-geordie-dyke]

Hi, I am so relieved to see that you seem to have an open mind about this crazy case. Your are one of the most sane people on this website and honestly, I have seen many people in the last few weeks that I've considered pretty moderate on the left-right issues, now reblogging some horrific posts that basically celebrate senseless violence and crime.

It does remind me a bit of the way people treat the Middle East conflicts here, like some of them (for reasons only they know, but I bet that some are paid trolls) create these false choices where they act like you have to choose a side from two extremes and if you don't take one, you must by default support the other - if you condemn the murder, it apparently means that you approve of everything that insurance companies do to screw with people. Just like if you don't support the destruction of Israel you apparently support genocide. Basically it's phrased like you have only two options, both of them in favor of violence. When most normal people would just want for everyone to have their basic human rights and safety. But people in progressive spaces nowadays are so afraid to be labeled as the bad ones, so they choose who the violence should be inflicted on based on which groups are more popular and which are more hated.

Just my two cents on how these two trends here look similar to me.

Honestly, I don’t really know the complete details of the case but I do know that it’s deeply concerning to me just how many people are fully okay with an unarmed person being gunned down in the street. Yeah, from what I understand, he’d caused a lot of pain and suffering but open the door to condoning vigilante execution even once, who the hell knows where that would end? If you can justify anything, where do you stop? I do also realise that as a Brit, living in a country with universal health care (even if it is a system at breaking point because of years of government underfunding) that I can never fully understand the fear and trauma of navigating such a horrifying system as the US has so, to some extent, I can understand the schadenfreude some people feel, even if I can never condone the violence.

[llendrinall]

Dear Endrina

I am once again finding myself reading the secret language of plants, and I was wondering.

Are you still writing? Fanfiction, original fiction or others?

I would love to check out other things you are writing (if not already in ao3).

Is there any fanfiction authors your were inspired by for your work? I haven't really found anybody who writes just like you managed to do.

I am a big fan of your work and it always cheers me up reading your stories 😊 thanks for sharing with us all ❤️

Hello, dear.

I am writing, but I am not posting. There are many reasons why: less time, less energy, less fandoms that pique my interest, etc. I won’t detail them all reasons here. I dislike the idea of posting unfinished works so I have nothing to show. I will say that I am working on a collection of (fandom) stories and when I got your ask, I stole a couple of hours to other tasks and wrote 900 words. Nice! Although what started as 7 stories has grown to 16 so I don’t know when they will be ready.

As for other works or authors, funnily enough I had been meaning to write a couple of posts about books, so I will just do it here.

Endrina’s list of very nice books

Quality is subjective so the main criteria here is whether I have re-read these books, whether they had something to drawn me back.

Original fiction

Terry Pratchett.

Every Pratchett fan easily admits that his first books are not very good and that there is no good point to start reading. You simply pick a book, plunge into Discworld, and figure things as you go. Pratchett’s turn of phrase if excellent. Pratchett’s examination of morals is even better. Because it’s fantasy, Pratchett has not been taken seriously. He is too juvenile, too funny, too unserious. But he is also a master at making readers grow a political conscience.

The post I was meaning to write was a comparison between Pratchett’s witches (Weyrd Sisters, Witches Abroad, etc.) and some other author’s witches. Ok, it’s JKR, but I didn’t want it to be a direct attack on her or her character. It’s just a comparison of the content.

In Harry Potter the wizarding world is hidden. The reason given is that muggles would be demanding favors nonstop. Later I think it is implied that muggles may be dangerous to wizards. In Discworld, however, magic is perfectly public. People do demand favors from witches (and wizards, but less so) and people are a threat to magical folk. One of the Tiffany Aching’s books (aimed to younger readers, but still excellent) opens with an imprisoned witch about to be executed (she frees herself, of course, by magical and mundane means).

The thought came to me regarding anesthesia use during labor. I am sure that in Harry Potter witches don’t experience pain giving birth, but they don’t share that gift with muggles.

In Harry Potter, magic folk let non-magic folk suffer.

In Discworld, magic folk understand magic as a duty, while accepting that there won’t be thanks or appreciation. If you have the ability to save a sheep, to remove someone’s pain, to make their passing easier, you must do it.

It’s surprising that school libraries would ban Harry Potter and not Pratchett, because he is the one with potential to bring people to the left.

Naomi Novik

How to describe the Temeraire series? They are very good, they have dragons, they are populated by people who feel very real.

The first book is dedicated to building a fantasy world. So cool. So exciting. It would look so nice as an HBO MAX show! They would blunder the second season, but the first season would be excellent.

The next eight books ruthlessly deconstruct the first one. Much like Pratchett, Novik takes an idea and asks, “but how can this work?” and, often, the answer is “by the suffering and exploitation of poor people”. And she (like Pratchett) will drag the answer to the light.

The third book, Gunpowder war, is my favorite because the structure is crisp and neat. Three places, thee different environments, three challenges. You go from movement to arrest and back to movement and afterwards you feel like having completed a videogame.

Agatha Christie

She, like Pratchett, is not considered a “proper” author. I suspect it’s because she is a woman and because her books are accessible. There is this bias against books and stories that many people can enjoy.

Being a British woman born in 1890, her writing does have some ideas that seem outdated, especially regarding foreigners and Jews. But it’s ameliorated by the fact that all her characters are individuals. Each one of them is a distinct person rather than a stand-in for a whole group. So when in Lord Edgware Dies a Jewish woman is described as greedy an ambitious, she is still given enough personality that it seems like a “her” problem rather than a group trait. I don’t want to completely excuse or handwave it. Occasionally there are racist undertones. But they are still way less obvious that many modern works.

For a long time, every October/November I would read one of her novels to get in the Autumn mood, but lately I have found myself reading her “out of season” and wondering why her call was growing stronger. I realized recently it’s because in her books people don’t enjoy killing. Oh, someone is going to die. Perhaps more than one person. But the murderer kills because a) they expect to inherit, b) they are guarding a secret, c) they are in love, d) a variation of the three. They don’t enjoy killing, is my point. They don’t do it for pleasure. There are no elaborate and inventive ways to torture someone and desecrate a corpse. I find that I am very tired of recent trends in which a psycho killer tortures young women and taunts the police.

Also, Christie is very compassionate towards women. Some women are good, some are evil, some are adulteress, some have relations with married men, some get pregnant while single. In the latter case, the tone is more of “it happens” rather than “what a slut”. It is no ideal, it means trouble and social exclusion for the woman, but it happens so Christie doesn’t moralize about it. (And in Hallowe’en Party there is a single mother who is treated as perfectly normal).

I said earlier her characters are distinct individuals. Christie’s strength lies in voicing varied psychological profiles. Her two main detectives (Poirot and Marple) read as asexual (no matter the forced heteronormative that TV/movie adaptations try to push). Poirot also is a clear case of OCD and… it’s fine. That’s how he is. There are also some great ADHD characters. There is whatever was going on Ms MacGinty is dead. The main suspect is clinically depressed or something, I don’t remember well.

People are varied and allowed to be weird, and I love it.

(Occasionally, a couple of lesbians will pop. Sadly, because these are murder mysteries, one of them may die. But it doesn’t read like a Bury Your Gays trope)

Miguel de Cervantes

This one is not like the others because there is a lot of scholarly work about Cervantes. So much so that he is taken as a Very Serious author when, in fact, he is Pretty Funny. Think lines like “thus came a man riding a donkey, although it may had been a mule, there is no consensus regarding the animal, except it was probably grey of coat. The man was carrying a basin on his head.”

Having some political and cultural context helps to enjoy Don Quixote, but it is not a sine qua non requisite. For English, I like Grossman’s translation.

(Also, this is almost never mentioned: Miguel de Cervantes and his brother were suspected in the murder of a high class nobleborn who was a known sexual harasser. And it shows. There is a chapter in DQ that could very well be titled: Incel Culture, let’s not).

Fanfiction

Astolat

Astolat’s stories follow the pattern of the Common Man falling for the Enlightened Man. This tickles something deep in my brain and I love it.

The Common Man may not be so common. He may be a renowned warrior. He may be a hero. He is only common when opposed to the Enlightened Man (who may be a woman, like Brienne of Tarth, fantastic). The latter is someone with their third, fourth and fifth eye open. Someone who understands magic and, what’s even more difficult, morality. Someone who knows. What they know may vary, but the knowledge is there and with it a certain sense of being removed, of not fitting in the world. So they are surprised to attract the desperate interest of the Common Man.

Other things to like: clever construction of plot, deep and surrounding worldbuilding with just a couple of strokes.

Owlet

Her Bucky (MCU) series is fantastic, but the first work, This, you protect is particularly good. It is funny, it is healing, and it’s an interesting example of how to enthrall people. Most fanfics have sex, it is almost a requisite. Some readers will reject a story if the promise of hot scenes isn’t there. Well, This, you protect doesn’t have sex. It has coffee concoctions and grilled cheese sandwiches, and they are so satisfying that you won’t even notice there is no sex.

Scaramouche

I haven’t read her latest works (I am bit tired of the MCU and Steve/Tony doesn’t work for me) but I have read her previous work, specially the Supernatural fics, and enjoyed them thoroughly. The setting of her stories is imaginative yet familiar. No matter how alternative the AU is, it always feels natural and real, as if she had been a long time there and knew every place and every aspect.

The hoyden

Her DP9 and XMen fics read like silk. I don’t have another word. They are delicate and soft and they flow. They feel luxurious.

[multifunctionalnitroglycerin]

Leona and Diana Old Lore / New Lore. My take on it

Okay so, I am relatively new to the League community, with barely three years under my belt, but lore is one of the things that interest me the most about it. And well, the dynamic between Sun and Moon coded characters is one I never pass up in exploring. Leodia is arguably my favorite ship from League, but it's mostly the idea of it, with recent executions leaving me feel kinda... meh.

So apart from probably having read every single half decent fic under the Leona/Diana tag on Ao3, I have scourged the internet for their lore and have come across quite a few references of their old one. Never found the complete thing though. And possibly unpopular opinion, I like it better than their current one.

That is not to say that the old lore is any sort of masterpiece, and people could argue that it doesn't set them up to be lovers, but I think with a little bit of tweeking it can become really good. Many of my ideas are inspired from a fic I probably read like 2 years ago, also features an OC named Helena and has a side of Riven's inner struggle, Riven and Diana friendship and Rivelia. (I cannot for the life of me remember the name, I apologise)

My problem with the New Lore mostly, is that it's vanilla for a mountain of warriors and *cultists* it feels almost like High School AU but try to fit it into League, and yeah it's not it for me. Also the co-dependence of their ascension, and just Leona's whole thing kinda sucks. Like I can see how people might see it as romantic and poetic and whatever, that they ascended at the same time and Leona followed Diana up the mountain to keep her safe etc. etc. but that's kinda glossing over some issues especially with Leona's character.

Now the new take on Leona's character is really interesting, and a complete 180 from the old lore and actually the idea isn't so bad, if they ACTUALLY DID ANYTHING WITH IT. Now as a person that definitely doesn't overanalyze literature and fictional characters for fun, Leona's new lore is such an interesting take and could be taken many directions if someone chose to explore it and go a bit deeper that "genocidal close-minded bigot".

At first read Leona is really just that. She does what she is told no hesitation, no questions asked and turns on Diana also no questions asked. But let's take it a bit deeper shall we?

I have no intention to make it as though Leona holds no blame for her actions or that she is a paragon of virtue, cause she is not. But if we dive in her story a bit more we could perhaps understand how she came to be what she is. Because under no circumstance do I think she is that daft. Especially if she was with Diana for years. Some of that curiosity must have rubbed off on her. Then again she could have just ignored everything Diana said about the Moon and her research. I guess we'll never know.

I do not intent to ramble about Leona in this post. But I'll give you some clues as to why her backstory and the whole Targonian premise is important. She is born practically into a cult, or well a religion with really strict and particular disciplines. So already an environment with very particular ideas and particular ways to enforce them. She is the daughter of two really strict and proud parents in said cult, who seem to care more abt her achievements and punishments than anything (Grade A parenting), - She doesn't even send them that letter in the end - and she is the golden child of the Solari. So what do we have in our hands? An affection starved perfectionist suffering from gifted child expectations. NOw take that and put it in the Solari premise of religious fanatism and voila!

(I will probably at some point make a separate post abt this, because I really took a deep dive in Leona's character when writing my Ruination fic - that I wont ever post anywhere probably - and I have a LOT to say)

So in the old Lore the Rakkori are the warriors and defenders of the mountain, a bit heavy on the bloodthirsty side though, hence the right of Kor. A coming of age ritual battle to the death. (What else could it be). Leona being the only one that refuses to kill her opponent and friend, is sentenced to be executed, but before the execution could be carried out, she is claimed by the Golden Sister as the Sun aspect with a beam of golden light.

I feel that Leona's ascension in particular is really important in the old Lore, because in such a warlike culture she was rewarded for showing mercy. She was chosen because she chose mercy over mindless slaughter. Something that could potentially be really important later on, in a mountain where half its indigenous people have slaughtered the other half??

Point 1 I like from the old lore: The Sun chose Leona because she was merciful. (Or had a semblance of a moral compass)

Moving forward the lines kinda blur for Diana, mostly cause I am not sure what I remember is actual lore and what is related to that magnificent fic.

Her curious truth-searching nature is ever present. She discovers hidden texts, burned pages and embarks on a journey of knowledge that leads her to climb the mountain. Only she is in the company of an elderly woman I think? Anyhow, she finds - is lead to - an alcove, an old temple and the relics of the Moon Aspect. Overjoyed at her findings she dons the armor takes it all down to the elders, they call her a heretic, brand her, and intent to kill her, when she begs the Moon for help and ascends. Either her or the moon blast kills every elder in the room she gets blamed either way, and the chase begins.

Diana is at her core an academic and a researcher, that researches. She has her Indiana Jones moment in the mountain and there is a process a ritual to it, instead of I just climbed up saw unimaginable terrors and now I am the aspect of the Moon (over-simplified I know. The climb judges worthiness). There is something about her checking old dusty books, and deciding to brave the climb looking for answers. About her choosing to be helpful -kinda as a mirror to Leona sparing her opponent, Diana, the one that keeps to herself - apart from when arguing abt academics and scriptures consciously engages with and helps a stranger, guiding them up the mountain and helping them along the way when the trip became too arduous.

Point 2 I like from the old lore: The ritual of the process in Diana's research and ascension and the mirroring with Leona, minor though it is, that they ascended - sooner or later - after an act of kindness that contradicted what would have been expected of them.

Point 3 I like from the old lore: The brand. Like it just adds another layer to Diana's character. And is a much better explanation for its presence than Moon magic. Also the amount of complications this act has, its just delicious. I mean THE DRAMA. and ofc THE TRAUMA. I don't think she'd go near a fire for months.

Point 3 I like from the old lore: The independence of the ascensions. It gives us the chance to see them grow and evolve as their own people before the thread of fate that binds them together appears. We get to see one without the other, and that would later make their dynamic more interesting.

But How are Leona and Diana connected?

In the old lore they aren't. I think. Leona is like a blood hound that needs to kill the heretic.

In the fic, Leona's dad was one of the guards in the room when Diana ascended and was killed, which in the context of the story adds a layer of betrayal between them, as up to that point they were lovers. And you know what, I really like that idea. And I was thinking that perhaps we could try to get the best of both worlds. Though it might be difficult to fully develop the idea.

Lore Idea:

So the Rakkor ans the Solari are different factions. Solari = priesthood, Rakkor = Warriors. Leona's family are Rakkori, and they are simple people, her father works as a guard for the Solari Temple, something that is considered a bit of an honor despite that fact that the factions don't rly see eye to eye about everything. Right of Kor happens when they are around 15 (Yes I want to traumatize a bunch of teenagers that train to fight, kill and defend since they could walk) and Leona's story proceeds as we know it. She then gets taken to the Solari temple to be educated in their way and train to become the figurehead of their faith. (Like that Leona has already had the chance to develop some critical thinking, and to experience sth different.)

She gets there and all the acolytes younger and older look at her starry eyed, because the elders told them so and because they see her like a bit of a Messiah. (Plus I doubt a bunch of scrawny academics and priests to be have seen anyone their age with that musculature). All of them apart from Diana, who as always isn't particularly impressed by the paragon in training of the Solari faith.

Leona is relieved to get some normal person treatment, even if it is from the broody girl with her nose in a book half the time, and like the cocky 15year old meathead she is, she wants to show off a bit and perhaps win her favor. Shenanigans ensue and Diana unlike the other people that desperately want to befriend Leona, is not impressed.

Another point of similarity is that Leona - that has ascended already mind you - would have a few questions and oppositions to all that mumbo jumbo the Solari say about the Sun and the Moon. So after she flops exceptionally in one oration or sth class, with saying something positive about the Moon that has the students look at her with horror, and the priest fuming and screaming punishments - light ones, because the Sun chose that clueless miscreant, and he doesn't want to fall out of her favor - Leona manages unknowingly to win inquisitive Diana's intrigue - and favor, (but don't tell anyone about the last part).

A tentative bond forms. It gets solidified when Leona stops a few bullies from beating Diana to a pulp, and the dark haired girl in return helps her pass a class she was having an exceptionally hard time with. Diana - who in my head is a year younger - does eventually get charmed by the surprisingly goofy and sunny disposition of the Sun Aspect in training. (Don't get this wrong Leona will still act like a 15 yo that has had to train and fight every day of her life) Diana asks her countless questions about life outside the temple and they discuss theology together, either trying to help Leona understand, or trying to make sense of Diana's findings. (The Rakkori in my head are far more neutral abt Sun and Moon, more like if there is light and I can see I am happy, whether its the Sun or the Moon. "There was even that one traveler from some big city, Pilt - something was it, that even said that the Sun and Moon are like orbs in the night sky, one is a star rly close to us and the other is like a smaller planet or something, can you imagine?")

The become friends, the Nightless Eve happens, and then they become lovers. Leona starts suffering from all those expectations and the charade she needs to put up, she has more hours with classes and training she gets tutored by the priests, punished more severely when se speaks out of line or says something borderline heretical, yada yada. More people like her and she likes the attention. She doesn't abandon Diana though, and she always defends her. Things get difficult as the years go by but still they persist. (We could include some homophobic sentiment in the Solari, or even sth downright misogynistic, which would add complications with Leona's state as the Radiant Dawn, and the wlw relationships as they would not be seen as real substantial relationships - add asshole trying to flirt with Leona bc her relationship with Diana isn't real cause they are both women- DRAMA)

Leona is 18 passes her final exams, and Diana is 17 when Diana's arc happens. They have a huge fight about faith and contradicting it and if it is worth it. (No one wants to bandage their lover's whipped back that is practically a mosaic of scars at this point, or nurse them to health after sever dehydration - cause yes apparently standing naked in the sun for three days can do that). Diana storms off angrily. Finds an elderly woman in the base of the mountain that needs help going up (Silver sister in disguise). She helps her up, and when they are like 3/4 up and rest cause Diana's everything hurts the woman disappears. She looks around, finds the temple, sees carved proof that the Solari and Lunari co-existed gets the relics and climbs back down excited to show everyone her findings.

Meanwhile Leona has left for an emergency Solari mission or sth, and hasn't told Diana. Diana goes to the priests, they don't believe her, she invokes her right to be judged by the Aspect or sth, the priests pretend that Leona is still around and doesn't want to see or help Diana (Strike 1 of betrayal). Diana feels betrayed and hurt and fears for her life. The priests give the order for her to be branded and executed on the spot. Leona's dad who had been in the room and had met Diana, tries to plead her case from an outsider's perspective. One of the elders reprimands him and threatens him with death.

They brand Diana with the moon Symbol on the forehead, and are about to place her face down in the flames and / or slit her throat, and Iasur can't have her dying thinking that Leona betrayed her (A bit of family honor and afterlife beliefs - honor is a huge deal-, and a bit of a soft spot for his daughter's closest companion). He tries to fight his way to her, and gets killed in the process. Diana witnessing Iasur's murder prays to the moon for help, and seconds before breathing her last breath, she ascends. Pillar of Moonlight and heavenly fire burns everything to a crisp, and Diana remains alone in the middle of the room, barely breathing and clad in the garb of he Moon aspect. She takes one look around her and speeds away from the temple.

Leona returns three days after to find the council and her father dead, the council room in ruins and apparently Diana to blame. On top of that Diana is missing. Leona is presented with the case and believes Diana to be her father's killer. She vows to avenge him and kill the Scorn of the Moon, because her Diana wouldn't do that. It must be the moon spirit. and yes apparently Moon is bad because dad and Diana are gone bc of it. Leona is determined to save her lover from the Moon's clutches and set her free the only way she knows how, with killing her.

And thus their journey begins. Leona becomes more and more of a puppet from here and on driven by anger and betrayal and Diana feels abandoned and betrayed, with nothing left in the world but the glow of the branding mark on her forehead and the knowledge that her lover wanted her dead.

And as for their path to reunite again and achieve peace? Well Leona needs to be merciful, and Diana needs to guide and support someone through the right path.

Thanks for reading this huge ass post. Again MANY credits to that amazing writer on Ao3, if I find that fic I'll put a link here, cause its phenomenal.

Take care and see ya next time!

[mikuni14]

Love For Love's Sake - Ep 7-8

Korea delivered again.

I watched these episodes a few hours ago, but I'm only writing something now because I have so many thoughts in my head. I don't know what to write anyway, my thoughts and feelings are a mess. I don't even know if I understood everything correctly. But it doesn't matter because I vibe with this series so hard 🥳 I cried through both episodes, and I spent the end of the finale in an incredible euphoria, as if I was high. This series is pure art because it can reach the depths of your heart, make you feel the story told deeply, and finally experience catharsis. And what's important - all your feelings turn out to be important, each of them meant something, none of them were wasted (which sadly happens to me often in BL series, especially lately, like, why do I get so invested, when in the end it turns out that it was for nothing..).

I was genuinely curious how the series would overcome the fact that it is a game and in the end I rate the result and execution as 10/10 for innovation and professionalism in breaking my heart. Also a special award for creating the character of a "god", who, like all gods, is a dick who enjoys tormenting ordinary people and putting them through some werid, difficult, harsh trials to make them "better" (why is it never a form of a gentle therapy, only kick in the balls and "learn from it" lol)

Myung Ha went through hell in this life, after going through hell ending with suicide in his previous life, becoming some kind of mythical, biblical figure in his suffering. This is a trope that I have never liked or accepted (growth through suffering), but I accept it here because of a) a very good execution that really moved me b) a happy ending 🙂 I won't analyze Myung Ha more because others will do it definitely a lot better. I just want to write how much I love this lonely, broken, kind man. How much I felt sorry for him when he did everything for Yeo Woon and nothing worked and he despaired because he didn't understand what he was doing wrong. Because, keeping your problems and fears a secret from your loved one, keeping him at a distance to protect him, making noble sacrifices, never asking for help, is an expression of love, right? RIGHT? Oh my poor summer child, and my poor heart 💔💔

I love Yeo Woon for how honest he is with his feelings. When he is happy - he talks about it, when he is unhappy - he also talks about it. I love how he says precisely what he likes and doesn't like. How he sets boundaries - even if he crumbles in the end, panicking when he might actually lose Myung Ha. Yeo Woon has his own demons, his own problems, his own fears of being alone and being abandoned. But I really like how hard he tries and how much he wants their relationship to be equal and how he NOTICES THAT IT'S NOT. I liked it so much that he didn't ignore what Myung Ha was doing after he collapsed. That he confronted him because he had spent the whole day looking for him, only to find out that he was sick and in the care of someone else, and his "rival" at that. How else could Yeo Woon feel other than hurt, rejected, jealous and not worthy of being Myung Ha's carer?

There were so many scenes in these episodes and each deserves a separate analysis, a separate post, but I don't even know where to start, I have so many thoughts in my head! What a series, WHAT A SERIES.

Hmm, what could be easier to write? For example, how many tropes were used in this show, like the hand-holding, dragging by hand, running through the city and on the beach to your crush, sexy drinking from a water bottle, going to the beach with friends together at the end 💯

Final kisses: what can I say, it must have taken a lot of practice kissing, right Yeo Woon? 🤭 Korea often does this thing where the first kiss is stiff and in the next kiss the guys go to town lol

Sang Won deserves a special mention, he's just a great character. And the actor playing him is incredibly hot.

Each of these boys was 10/10, the series is 10/10. The series perfectly balanced comedy and tragedy, a beautiful and romantic love story with difficult and heavy elements, also feelings of joy and sadness in the viewers (at least in me). I love this series because the main couple was always present, their love was constantly visible, they still had lovely scenes together even when everything around them was falling apart. The series did something amazing when the surprising plot twist in the form of what actually happened to Myung Ha DID NOT DOMINATE the finale. That it became its important, but not the most important element, and the finale itself brought only smiles and joy. I didn't expect that a BL series could again make me feel things as The Eight Sense did, but here we are 💖

I plan to rewatch the entire series again. And I'm very saddened by the choice of distribution method of this series, if it were aired every week, it would probably have the same popularity as The Eighth Sense - but now, after a week, it's over...

[julietasgf]

first of all I love long answers, so no apologies in fact I'll apologize because I plan to ramble on.

I also love the movie but I have so many problems with how little we were given of the Plinth family, that they didn't fully exploit Marcus and Sejanus relationship and the sandwich scene (no ironically I have so much to say about that I may do another post explaining in depth why I hate how they executed that scene) so I feel you buddy

Yes I also think it was a bit of an unnecessary change in that regard, I'm not complaining at all about a scene of Coriolanus crying while looking at a picture of him and Sejanus together, it's cute to see him that pathetic crying and my heart was broken bc we could see again that Coriolanus means the world to Sejanus and yet that happen, but still I think it's more interesting, dramatic and hilarious to witness Coriolanus frustration at seeing that there's a picture of Marcus, of all the people.

Is someone else and NOT HIM, THE ONE THAT INSPIRE SEJANUS. Like as a snowjanus fan Im more into that shit of Coryo in denial screaming and thwroing bc ITS NOT HIM. But thats probably only me /j

You summarized very well many of the aspects in Marcus and Sejanus relationship that drive me crazy. I also belive they had such an unique relationship in the saga, Im so angry bc the movie dont fucking explore them in depth.

AND I AGREED WITH EVERY WORD YOU SAID ABOUT SEJANUS, THAT MOMENT OF KIDNESS IN THE END IT DEFINED HIS CORE, YEARS LATER HE MADE THE CONSCIOUS DECISION TO BE GUIDED BY THE ONE MOMENT WHEN A STRANGER OFFERED HIM HELP AND COMFORT OUT OF COMMUNITY AND EMPATHY.

Yeah it's obvious that much of his character is ultimately shaped by his mother, but he makes a very conscious decision to live by that interaction, to decide that if no one else is willing to make that selfless gesture, he'll be the one to take care of it. Even if the world tells him he's crazy and wrong for going in that direction.

About Marcus I agree that he probably thought that and it makes me so sad because I can't help but wonder what it was like for him, again I know in the book they mention they were more classmates than friends but I don't know, childhood in itself seems to me a stage where you tend to connect deeply with others as you are not yet fully aware of the barriers, and while I can see some classmates already having reservations towards Sejanus because of what Strabo had done and what their parents told lf Plinth family, it seems to me it shows that Marcus was not one of those kids.

So I like to think he thought in his own way about Sejanus. About how nice he was despite the nasty reputation that was forming of his family until finally Sejanus moves in and people tell Marcus that the Plinth's are traitors and other terrible things.

How to reconcile that image with that of the scared little boy he helped and thanked him deeply for it? I think it takes years (and the games ultimately help deepen the rift because Sejanus is safe and they in the district aren't) for him to come to that conclusion.

Then Marcus is reaping and it must have been painful and horrible to see Sejanus standing behind a fence, in an expensive and extravagant uniform, trying to offer him a very hearty sandwich. We know it is a gesture of help and comes from a place of compassion but god I can also see how it is at the same time a kind of cruel mockery.

Because Marcus is going to die and he doesn't need a sandwich, or an apology, he needs to be taken out of there, he needs to do not be killed and forced to kill others. So it makes sense his resentfulness will grow, also the image of Sejanus in his memory as his classmate who did wear a nice suit more expensive than others yes but still was from district 2, still live and suffer the war with them, was destroyed, now he can only think of this Sejanus totally capitol from his eyes, a fucking traitor in a red like blood uniform.

Marcus must have been totally hopeless... We know the people in the capitol saw him as a possible winner but I don't think this was his vision. Like the rest he was a scared kid, probably resigned to his death.

He could not give in to ask for Sejanus' help, to take his hand because what would that mean? That he too would become a traitor, that he was not loyal enough to his family and community? He did not want to die with that weight on his conscience and also facing Sejanus sounds anything but helpful.

He doesn't even know from the sandwich act if Sejanus is the same. He already looks different. What if he turned into one of those whimsical, conceited children? Will he be able to stand talking to him? And what could Plinth do for him? Give him a better weapon? Give him a fucking cake?

There was no point in saying anything. Nor to do it.

I believe the bombing and when he sees a way out is the only time Marcus regains hope and we know what happens to him because of that...

I love recommending caifanes songs that reminds me of Sejanus too much what can I say... And I love even more that you listen to them and see the vision. Im out of caifanes songs for now but if you can handle the trigger warning of spain spanish I can give you:

From the treasure planet the spanish dubb version of Im still here / Estoy aquí by Alex ubago. Its so Sejanus CODED. I choose the spanish version bc its a more youthful voice than the original.

I always apologize for answering too long answers, I genuinely fear being annoying for it 😭

yessss!!! in the movie, I have the feeling that excluding so much of the plinths didn't really show the impact of how fucked up it was what coriolanus did by the end. he stole a boy's whole life. he knew his parents, he knew his mother, and still, he got him killed and stole his life anyway. it's so disturbing when you stop to think about it, but since we don't really see much from the plinths in the movie, I feel like it weights much less than it should (ALSO, YES, THE SANDWICH SCENE WAS A CRIME, it was really poorly executed and another point where it seems to make coryo better imo)

it's so funny to me that scene in the book bc coriolanus says with all his chest that it shows "where sejanus' loyalty laid with". bro really came to the conclusion JUST NOW that maybe, and just maybe, he isn't the center of the world and neither is the capitol 😭 while reading I though of him turning to the camera like a the office episode plssssss (and I absolutely AGREE HELPP, coriolanus screaming crying throwing up because sejanus has a pic of MARCUS, of ALL PEOPLE)

the movie had so much potential to explore their relationship in a more visual way. I absolutely understand why storytelling-wise they would rather to explore of sejanus and coriolanus' relationship.... but marcus and sejanus are so important and interesting and UGHHHHH (and plus, they remind me so much of katniss and peeta, I've seen some parallels that DRIVE ME INSANE and I would actually kill for a 4 hour cut with scenes of them together)

AND YESSSS!!! everything regarding the districts in tbosas, everytime we see something about their lifestyle, is about community. marcus and sejanus were not even friends in his words, they were classmates, and marcus went and helped a child that was probably left out and despised by most of his classmates, and he didn't want anything in return (another thing that drives me insane is how coriolanus is quite the reverse of this; he helped sejanus out of interest, pure interest, and how this is pure capitol, while marcus is pure district).

at that point of the rebellion, the plinths were probably so despised at D2, because the way sejanus cherishes that memory is just so important to me. it's the kind of thing you'd probably forget, but he remembered marcus' name, he kept his pic and everything, and he probably talked about it at home enough for his father to know about marcus and. yk. do what he did at the games to "teach sejanus a lesson". marcus' kindness was THAT remarkable. another thing that I think abt 24/7: what was marcus thinking all this time? we never even see him talking. what were his thoughts? I would actually pay suzanne collins just to KNOW.

during the zoo scene, I felt physical pain because I could only think about how OFFENDED marcus probably felt. because, in his place, I at least would feel extremely offended. because let me get this straight: after your father betrays our district, you leave for this fancy town, with fancy clothing, and now I'm about to die, and then you come here offering me a sandwich? (also, this sets another interesting thing about marcus, he's so proud, and I'm just mentioning it bc it seems like a common trait between people from D2 in the future) and plus, he probably saw coriolanus going to talk to lucy gray for the first time at the train. okay that coriolanus' intentions weren't pure, but how marcus felt that sejanus actually KNEW HIM and didn't go to see him, but this boy who never met this girl actually went to the train station? and then his first interaction with sejanus is him offering him food as if he's an animal?

one thing I read once, and I really can't recall from where, was an interpretation that marcus never even spoke to sejanus (not even to curse him or tell him to fuck off) because it was much better to die with the little boy he knew still on his mind, kind and gentle, than to talk to the boy he doesn't know and discover how he actually changed into something marcus despised.

I also do think marcus was resigned to his death. the way he doesn't even try says a lot, even though everyone agreed that he was the tribute with the most chances. D2 is big, it's not like D12, which is smaller. what would it mean for marcus to return after accepting help from a plinth? what would it mean for him to return after 23 another children getting killed just so he could get out alive?

also, in some form, I think marcus and sejanus' dynamic as tribute and mentor as some sort of anti-lucy gray and coriolanus. they're the reverse of each other.

it's so tragic, really, that he had hope for the first time just to end tragically like that. now, I'm going to punch a wall and cry for at least two days in a corner, because marcus is genuinely one of the most interesting tributes and he didn't even got to fight in the games to be this interesting.

(suzanne collins really went HARD on creating characters this time, not that in thg she didn't, but how is almost every character in tbosas is special and iconic to me?)

and I love getting recommended songs!!! ☝️ NOT THE SPAIN SPANISH TRIGGER WARNING (spain spanish and portugal portuguese are really cousins, it seems) ☠️ first, omg, I was just today thinking abt the characters as disney songs, I'm kinda screaming that you sent me this!!! specially bc as a kid my hobby was listening to different versions of the same disney song, and I RECOGNIZED IT, but I never actually stopped to pay attention to the lyrics and YOU'RE SO RIGHT, I get amazed bc every single song you recommend I stop and stare at the wall thinking of how, actually, it makes total sense 😭

[faksyan]

12/16/19 :3

ooohh boyy that got really long. lots of mgs rambles under the cut. thanks for the ask!!! very slight nsfw mention in the second one, nothing major.

12) the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

I'll be honest I'm actually still familiar with some of the games only on surface-level (fake fan I know), and I don't think I have anyone like that from those I know well.

Well, Paz, but I talked about her a bit in the last ask already. She is full of rage and loneliness and gets just a glimpse of real affection and friendship and I find a lot of these themes very compelling. And I guess all the women in general, because fandom spaces usually gravitate towards men, and with mgs it's even less surprising. I really, really like Eva in Snake Eater, but that's mostly due to my own interpretation rather than the writing. I feel like her understanding of love must be really interesting as someone who was taught to pretend/actually feel on some level love on command, and I also think it's interesting that she was the one The Boss opened to. I really wish so many mgs women's traits weren't so tightly linked with romance, man. Quiet is also so cool, but she too suffers from being reduced to just that.

I really like The Boss, she's such a interesting contradiction - cold and strict, but also full of love for the while world and ready to give everything she has to make it just that much better. I would love to see in more detail things about her and Sorrow, an actual game with her as a protagonist would be awesome. Strangelove's tapes in pw are absolutely fascinating as well, the one where she's talking to Joy's ai almost made me cry, and she generally has some pretty interesting take on some things. I really liked the part where she talks about how ai would be an amalgamation of people's consciousness rather than of individual's in the future, because that put into words part of why I hate ai-generated images and text that people call art.

16) you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Well, I can get people liking anything on account of different tastes, so this is more about popular takes I don't really get because of how different my reading of canon is, I guess? Like the idea of bbkaz being abusive to a point where Kaz was having a horrible terrible time every day at every corner. I've seen it in some fics, and kind of get where people go with it, but I think Kaz "almost blew himself up with a grenade so he wouldn't be taken prisoner" Miller would rather die than be treated like shit. He would blow up their shared tent if it ever came to it ya feel me. He is too proud and too impulsive and too much of everything. They respected and listened to each other and I'd say a lot of their issues were kind of more subtle? in a way. What they had definitely wasn't healthy in many aspects, but it was in ways where they both could ignore/didn't feel were that bad at the moment, that type of thing.

I read through almost the entirety of ocelhira tag on ao3, and i could write a whole list of stuff about them that I personally see differently as that part of the fandom. I'm very picky when it comes to them, in no way those are bad, and I've /seen/ them being executed in a way I enjoyed, I just don't really get them. The main things I don't really see are, as follows:

That they hate each other (next to zero basis of that before the ending of v, and even this can be argued about.)

They would punch each other on the first meeting or shortly after (never seen either of them as people who would resort to violence in a more business-like setting. because that's how I see them approach what they have. Ocelot mainly uses violence in specific scenarios like interrogations and is good at controlling his emotions. Kaz is impulsive but he is a businessman to the bone. Maybe he'd punch Ocelot at some point but definitely not early on. I feel like the main instigator of random CQC is Snake after all, and without him they would figure things out differently.)

They would fuck on the first meeting or shortly after (Ocelot is weird about intimacy and doesn't trust anyone and is a spy who's probably never had friends or lovers, in any meaningful sence of the words. Also he's on aroace spectrum to me. I don't think Kaz would have sex with a person he genuinely despises even if he found them appealing, out of sheer stubbornness. If he hates a person he hates them, same reason why I don't think bbkaz would work in any way past v. Even if Kaz tried to hook up with Ocelot in the beginning, he would probably kill him for a mere insinuation. Give me the intricate details of getting to know a person and figuring shit out, they had nine whole years.)

There's probably more, but this is getting like. super long sorry my bad. And sorry so much of it is about ships, the platonic tags are barren as a desert I gotta write and draw some myself✌️

19) you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

Vocelot a bit maybe (not necessarily romantic or sexual) because the whole concept of them having a close relationship could go a very fucked-up route (like a bit more than the average mgs level). Not really ashamed, that's why I like it, it has a sort of a Hannigram feel to it. Even in case where they genuinely care about each other, there are still some weird power dynamics and mind games and codependency. I just generally find ideas of brainwashing really unsettling.

Also I really like Huey as a character. am I allowed to say that. am I getting fed to the bears. I can and will elaborate at some point, I just really like characters who are unredeemable impossible hypocrites (hey, that's part of why I'm a Kaz Miller fan) and Huey is just. vastly misunderstood when it comes to what caused him to spiral, none of which helps his case but it's INTERESTING. Instead he's just being reduced to a punching bag without taking a look at what exactly led up to it all. Grantedly, I don't think Kojima thought about it that deeply at all, but it came out as a vivid critique of how society and especially military treats men who are disabled/not "masculine" enough/can't stand up for themselves. to me. and I like that.

[ayebibs]

I just finished Veilguard. I have so many thoughts. Very raw and unpolished under the cut. I have no one to talk about this with so my dash must suffer. Probably will ramble on more later too.

Tldr; I am highly critical but I had a fun enough time and still love dragon age.

Definitely felt the loss of my world state choices. Especially if this is a soft relaunch and I may never have my characters or thedas mentioned ever again.

Hot take, I don't care for Morrigan that much. She's fine and I like her, but I love Varric more and would much rather have seen other past companions. Someone give me back fenris and merrill. Also, why is Isabela in basically every game. I like her but? I cannot determine the reason. Am I missing lore?

Speaking of Varric, I clocked his death immediately (no one but rook ever spoke to him?) His death felt cheapened by the poorly executed twist for me. Disappointing and annoying to me.

So much good lore (and much of it wasted). Why did everything feel so surface level except in the crossroads? That part of the narrative was so much tighter. So much could have been done with the Titans, in my opinion, and I think so little of that was explored.

Such a satisfying ending, but the rest of the game could be such a slog sometimes? Like, the ending lowkey reminded me of Origins and fighting the darkspawn and archdemon with the help of the people you built relationships with along the way, which was very cool. But I felt like all of those faction relationships were very shallow. Maybe we should have been able to talk to more people (with menus and branching dialogue) in the factions and do more sidequests to feel more attached?

So much marketing about the focus on companions but the romance was less of a focus than it has ever been and I didn't feel connected to, like, anyone except for Davrin and Assan. I didn't feel a single ounce of regret with my choices (I'm sorry, I don't get the hype around Harding... she was fine in inquisition but really didn't stand out to me. She had little depth imo as well...). We barely got to talk to them and learn their history and likes outside of caracitures of who they were. Yes, I get it Neve is a noir detective, Lucas is coffee man and spite is coffee demon, bellara is quirky and autistic coded. And none of those things make well-rounded characters.

Really wished I had romanced anyone but Lucanis because I thought he was bland (sue me) and Zevran doesn't exist for whatever is going on in that revisionist take on the crows. Also, I hate the sleeping together before the final battle trope. So much of that build up and romance should have happened earlier. The romance simply felt new to me and I didn't feel invested at all.

Speaking of revisionist history, how the hell was the enslavement of elves in tevinter barely mentioned? Or racism? I saw an excuse about someone having to write that and like... bffr. You can't just ignore hard topics. That is where the depth and nuance in dragon age comes from (not nuance in slavery mind you, but think fenris' opinion on mages because of his history). As the inquisitor, my lavellan constantly experienced racism and I loved it because I am female minority and have experience with those issues. Working around it or plowing though sometimes was gratifying and fun. I don't people see racism in a video game and automatically think "oh no bioware is racist?" If that's the issue.

Davrin was my favorite companion and i really wished I had romanced him. Might replay as a grey warden man and do that because I think that would be very cool plot wise. I think I also got what I wanted out of his companion quests. Like, they answered what I wanted and had a satisfying ending.

Also, I liked Bellara so much more than I thought I would, especially because I chose her at the very end and she becomes blighted. Her dialogue is very rough though and not appropriate for the tone of this game 97% of the time.

Still cannot get over how bad the dialogue was. Truly egregious. Very anachronistic and took me out of the story nearly every time some characters opened their mouths. The main offender being my Rook who could literally only be nice and very "go team." She sounded like my manager trying to convince me that our job is made of one big, happy family no matter what dialogue I chose. Also, I wanted to throw my controller at my monitor every time Neve said "the job."

Taash's storyline really could have been something great because there were glimmers when I really loved them, but the anachronistic phrases and lack of skill with their storyline really killed it for me. I have a lot of thoughts on this because I really think it was EXTREMELY lazy and showed a real lack of care for either nonbinary rep (which can still happen with own voices) or simply writing for a piece of existing media. I could think of many easy ways to improve it. Some glimmers are even in the game. Like when the spirit addresses Taash as cousin instead of sister? Why not more of this? Also what was with the push ups for misgendering and then immediately being like, oh saying sorry a bunch makes it more for the person who fucked up? Like... the pushups are different?? And definitely don't draw more attention to an insulting or dysphoric moment?

All that aside, I was decently happy as a solalavellan girlie. I can 100% see why people don't like Solas and might have chosen endings that end badly for him, but I feel strongly that he was the best written character in he last two games.

Had a fun enough time. Happy the game finally got made. Ending really saved this from being a 5/10 for me. Would rank around 7/10 rounded up.

Don't think the game needs a dlc, but there is always a part of me that wants to play through rebuilding in the aftermath of a near world ending fight that destroyed everything. Like, take me to Ferelden. Is my husband, the king, okay?

Desperately, desperately hoping that there is another game that is a true return to form to the first three games (yes, even 2 because the characters are so, so well loved) and more like the ending of veilguard. Also that we get a return of world states meaning something. Hate to be that bitch, but genuinely hoping Baldur's Gate raised expectations for story-based, rpg games and Bioware survives to bring back my favorite game series to what I loved so much.

Fingers crossed the next one (is made at all) doesn't take 10 years.

[yagamisdiary]

Amara, your ability to evoke emotions within your readers is truly impeccable. It takes a lot more talent and skill to do so than many might think. Your work and prowess as an author is one to be commended for sure.

One particularly tragic character is Ambrose. I’ve caught up on the story a while ago and ever since I simply just cannot stop thinking about the complexity of his character. Throughout the story, he came across as simply a womanizer who was too consumed by himself. However, his death gave me much to reflect on.

The tragedy of his character comes from the fact that he spent both his life and his death in internal suffering; he simply could not catch a break! As he was growing up he never stood out at all, he was never particularly good at many things and on top of that his siblings outshined him in many fashions. Elijah had his incredible intelligence and likeness as the future king, Kai had his humour and talent to succeed at practically everything and yn had her exceeding kindheartedness and healing abilities. Then there was Ambrose, who was always in a gray area. He was never anyone’s first thought. What he truly wanted deep down was acceptance from his family. He wanted to be seen, acknowledged, and to feel useful. This never came easy as he realized his parents would always be occupied with another one of his more prominent siblings. The realization that he would not get what he yearned for from his family caused him to develop a character that grabbed everyone’s attention in order to compensate for the attention he so badly both wanted and needed from his family. He found comfort in the temporary affectionate moments he shared with various princesses but the feelings were fleeting as it could just never quite fill that gap in his heart left by his treatment by his loved ones. It was like a leaking bucket.

That’s why he became so close to yn, out of everyone, she was the only one who could relate to his feelings of uselessness and being overlooked. When she was younger, yn’s method of bonding with Ambrose was through praise. When I first heard that I thought to myself how conceited he must have been. But now it signifies so much more— not only was she the only one who understood how he felt, but she actively worked to better his confidence and fill the void. She was an extension of himself, which is why he loved her the most out of all. This is why he made sure to incorporate her into his plan of redeeming himself. Just like he promised when they were kids, he would never leave her behind. He had his own twisted ways but in hindsight he actually did try to make her dream of healing the world and becoming a queen come true. The love he had for her was very profound and may slip past someone who doesn’t pay attention to the smaller details. Which is why his death just hurts so much more.

He spent the entirety of his life suffering internally. He finally executed a plan to redeem himself which ultimately failed in the long run, which is very sorrowful. But what’s more is that his death was spent suffering too. Yn occupied a very special place in his heart and he worked hard to get them both better opportunities. His last moments were spent coming to the realization that the one person who he truly loved above all else and sacrificed many things for stabbed him in the back, literally and figuratively. Furthermore he was scared. His mature external body had fooled people into thinking he was an adult, but deep down his severe conflicting emotions prevented him from developing past being a child. That’s what he was, a scared, hurt child trapped in the body of an adult. He spent his last moments feeling betrayal and fear. Now that I think about it, the reason he feared death was likely because he felt that if he died, he would no longer be able to attract attention and that eventually people would forget about him completely. :(

As I read on I can’t help but feel occasional guilt for the fate of Ambrose. He was mentally gone but part of me wonders what could’ve been if he hasn’t been killed, instead he was brought into therapy and treated. Ambrose lived and died in suffering, and spent his last efforts trying to obtain a better life for him and yn, which is why guilt arises whenever yn is enjoying herself, knowing that Ambrose should’ve been right by her side enjoying himself just as much.

wow wow wow let me just start off by saying I LOVEEEE WHEN PPL SEND ME CHARACTER ANALYSIS OF ONE OF MY CHARACTERS LIKE IM OBSESSED

you read him so well i’m honestly speechless! ambrose is one of my favorite characters in the book and in general. people sorta raise their eyebrow at me when i say that because well… you know

the truth is that ambrose’s faith was sealed from the very first chapter, i knew his path from the very start and knew how i wanted everything to go

as i continue to write his character, i found myself getting attached to him and dreading his impending doom that i knew was coming…

ppl either hate him or love him which i think is a truly undeniable sign of a complex character! he had such kind moments where you couldn’t help but love him, you almost hated loving him

and then there were moments where you would stop yourself and say, “why is he doing this? i just started to like him”

i have no additional comments or corrections to your post because honestly you READ TF OUTTA HIM LOL i mean everything was spot on it’s unreal

thank you so much for even taking the time out of ur day to not only read the story but to create and write out this analysis! i don’t think ppl see it from my pov but when i get simple messages about my stories or characters it’s definitely gives me motivation to continue & lets me know that my effort does not go unnoticed !! so again thank u so much 🫶🏼

also i’m so down to read ur character analysis for the other characters!

[talkingbl]

Thai BLs for the BL Newb

Everybody's making lists of Thai BLs they'd recommend to a person who has never watched one before and I'm not exempt.

For me, I'd want to know a little more about the person I'm recommending to, because that could change my list significantly. But, for just a general audience, I'd recommend BLs based on the following criteria:

High production value is a must. This includes good sound quality and original sound tracks. None of that royalty-free mess that runs rampant in the lower-tier companies.

Good-to-strong acting is also a must. No matter how good the story is going to get, people will drop Ep. 1 if the acting seems questionable.

Novel story. I chose "novel" rather than "complex" or subjective adjectives like "good" because 1) everyone's taste is different and 2) complex doesn't always mean better.

Consistent but not predictable pacing/storytelling. Even once a viewer is hooked, it is still easy to lose them/leave a bad taste in their mouth if the story doesn't maintain the momentum.

With these criteria in mind, I'd recommend the following Thai BLs--

Recommendations

Love of Siam (2007). The Love of Siam is one of the most engaging coming of age stories I have ever watched. It is gorgeously filmed and very much gives film festival, critically acclaimed, indie hit that is very suited to a global palette. It's not soap-y like most BLs tend to be and features 3/4 of my essential elements. While the story is not so novel in the sense that you've never seen a plot like it before, it is one of the best executed pieces of Thai media I have seen, and that eclipses the want for a "novel" or unique story.

And though some like to argue over whether it can be classified as a BL, I feel like if we can say shows like SKAM and Love Class have "BL storylines", then we can classify a story about two boys exploring their sexuality and love for one another as containing a BOYS LOVE element.

I Told Sunset About You (2020). This is like if The Love of Siam were a late 2010s-accurate series instead of a film. It has the exact same positives of The Love of Siam, but has even more experimental mise en scene and directing. It has a strong international appeal because of its distinctly non-soap-y (and consequently more cinematic) approach. I think folks who aren't used to the lakorn style can easily dive into this one.

Not Me (2021). Not Me is like a 2.5/4. It no doubt has a novel story and consistent storytelling, but there are noticeable gaps between the best actors in the show and the worst. Plus, the production value can be very inconsistent in that it reuses shots, the audio isn't always perfect, and sometimes you feel like you can see the effects instead of not noticing them.

Honorable Mentions

Moonlight Chicken (2023). This is another one with a more arthouse aesthetic. However, there are moments where the acting is questionable and the production value can be better. It also suffers from the fact that not every storyline is equally as consistent. Still, it is an incredibly strong showing from GMMTV, that I'd recommend to folks who are looking for a more grounded adult-centered story than the aforementioned recommendations.

Manner of Death (2020). This is another novel story with decent acting and high production value. I wouldn't recommend it off-rip because the story is a little confusing, and the acting quality isn't super consistent, but it does have the appeal of many series that seem to reach international audiences these days.

[namazunomegami]

in my opinion, Gege suffers from the same problem that Tite Kubo suffered from: rushing.

this is partly due to the nature of Weekly Shōnen Jump as well as his own health issues, but not completely.

Both Kubo and Gege have this problem in which they have a plan of how to get from point A to point B, but tend to not flesh that out.

However, a lot of the outrage I’m seeing towards the current situation in the manga comes from people who tend to be unable to seperate canon Gojo from fanon Gojo because when you put fanon at the back of your mind as just take Gojo and JJK as a whole (and not for what we wish they could be), the character’s reactions to what’s going on and what’s happening to Gojo do not really surprise me at all.

ANON I'M SO SORRY THAT I KEPT YOU WAITING FOR SO LONG!!! I got sick and spent most of my days with recovering. And now, with newfound strength, I'm ready to yap!! Hope you can forgive me for taking some time off from tumblr.

cw: minor spoilers from Bleach, especially from the new TYBW arc, endless yapping

I absolutely agree with you that Weekly Shounen Jump is Satan's bastard child. I'm not surprised that mangakas eventually choose another, yet a not as popular magazine for publishing. Shounen Jump also takes a lot of creative liberty from authors or not give them enough money, it doesn't matter how popular their work is (just look at poor Togashi, Shounen Jump has been slowly killing him). Literally the same thing happened to Araki and I think it's actually better that Jojo's has a monthly release schedule in terms of writing and pacing. As well as my goat Ishida Sui who got horribly burnt out by Tokyo Ghoul and now moved to Tonari Young Jump which is an even weirder kind of niche, I think they mostly publish horror and seinen but the magazine is a completely online platform. And Ishida now has an irregular release schedule, meaning he publishes a chapter whenever he feels like it. So... sometimes I don't hear anything from Choujin X for months and sometimes I get three chapters in a row every week. But I care about him and his art more than my own incapability to keep up with stuff.

The main problem (for me at least) with Bleach that it gets repetitive quickly. Substitute Shinigami arc? That's a good introduction arc tbh, sense of wonder is there, we're slowly building up the world, provide explanations at a nice pace. Ichigo was a one of a kind shounen protagonist in the early 2000s because he didn't want to save the whole world, he wasn't above to kill his enemies, he didn't want to be the Hokage/Pirate King/the Strongest/whatever, he just wanted to protect those who are close to him and couldn't give a shit about others and that's the reason he was so relatable to many readers. He was a delinquent, a punk compared to the usual happy-go-lucky protag formula.

Soul Society arc? Rukia is off to be executed and Ichigo rescues her with the help of the gang and gets a few power ups. Arrancar arc? Orihime is kidnapped by Aizen and Ichigo wants to rescue her with the help of the gang and gets a few power ups. Fullbringer arc? Sado gets friendly with Xcution and Ichigo's initial trust in them starts to crumble so he wants to protect him with the help of the gang and gets back his shinigami powers and also a few power ups. TYBW arc? Ishida betrays the gang and leaves with the nazis-but-dressed-in-white so he wants to save him with the help of the gang but oh shit the Soul King is killed he must save the whole world too and gets a few power ups. Great success!

I know, I know that's oversimplified but I love Bleach with all of its faults.

Rushing was definitely a problem with Kubo especially in the last arc. I'll forever be bitter about the ending (and no, not because of the ichiruki vs ichihime ship war, I couldn't care less but I admit that I'm an ichiruki and ulquihime fan and Studio Pierrot was always heavily biased in terms of ships) and because Kubo literally failed his own main cast.

I remember that I saw a post on DeviantArt where the original poster shared their thoughts about how they imagine the main four's ending and I'm almost completely on board with that. I can go for so, so long how Kubo did Ishida and Sado dirty, but maybe in another occassion, I'll get deeper into that.

Another problem with TYBW arc is that he made the Quincy ridiculously op. The fights weren't fair and some of the abilities are beyond of any logic (I'm looking at you Gerard, Yhwach and Pernida) and he needed a few asspulls to make the Shinigami win. And some of the truly powerful Shinigami couldn't get utilised. And Byakuya should have remained dead.

But at least I'm giving Kubo credits for that he's willing to correct his mistakes with the new seasons and the light novels.

Gege... Gege just completely lost it. His mind, the plot, character development, everything. He gets inspired by wonderful authors, but can't use them in a satisfying way, the execution is just bad. When you spend such a small amount of time to write your characters the fandom will do it, and that's why fanon Gojo and canon Gojo is just two different characters. But that's sorta true for all of the characters in the cast.

And some fans are just horribly delusional, sorry not sorry.

[girl4music]

I thoroughly believe that the main 2 issues plaguing the TV art/entertainment industry today are representation anxiety and cancellation anxiety.

Representation anxiety is the reason why the quality of the storytelling is suffering.

Cancellation anxiety is the reason why the quality of the production is suffering.

ANXIETY is what is ruining TV show storytelling and producing in general. If people were less anxious about the way the story in a show should or has to go, there would be more focus on what actually matters.

There are so many storytelling and production issues in a show because people are not focussing on the overall experience when creating/watching a TV show. Showrunners/creators are not focussing on it because they’re too anxious about providing the “correct” or “best” or “most palatable” representation because if they don’t provide it, their show will just get cancelled.

Honestly imagine the extreme anxiety a showrunner/creator would feel in this day and age of showmaking.

It is a never-ending loop for them of “I must provide the representation that appeases both the audience and the network alike” and then “if I don’t do this as soon as possible, my show will be cancelled and everybody that depends on me will lose their jobs��.

Show disappoints the network, gets cancelled - which in turn disappoints the audience, stops them from watching anything else like it in case it happens to them again - which then makes the network misjudge it as “this kind of content must not be engaging enough for consumers to invest themselves in” but they throw it out for consumption anyway because quantity over quality even though they’re ultimately going to axe it regardless because “it doesn’t sell.”

And then the whole thing happens all over again. 😩

Sounds to me like they should just have better communication with the showrunners/creators and more faith and trust in what they’re able to deliver.

And maybe once in a while CONSULT THE AUDIENCE themselves. Make them apart of the conversation more than with just the standard lazy feedback questionnaires. I’m pretty fucking sure were a BIG WIG network executive to actually take the time out of their oh so busy work week to talk to us about what it is we want and what we don’t - things would be better for all sides. For the networks, the showrunners/creators+team, and for the customers/consumers.

At the end of the day the people I really feel sorry for regarding this is not us. It’s the showrunners/creators.

I feel so sorry for the producers, writers and directors because I know they’re all running rings around themselves trying to please every fucking body and every complaint from either side goes right to them.

They’re the mimimim wage staff at your favourite restaurant where customers and employers alike yell at them over something they’re personally pissed about but they can’t do anything about it other than offer their sympathies and provide other alternatives.

You think we have it rough as the viewers.

The network thinks they have it rough.

No.

Who has it rough are the showrunners/creators.

[mental-mona]

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer: What American Jews Fear Most

Fifty-three days ago, citizens of Israel suffered a horrendous attack orchestrated and executed by Hamas.

The solidarity that Jewish Americans initially received from our fellow citizens in the aftermath of Oct. 7 has since waned, drowned out by other, more disturbing voices, even from some we considered allies, while hate crimes against Jews have skyrocketed.

Today, too many Americans are exploiting arguments against Israel and leaping toward a virulent antisemitism. The normalization and intensifying of this rise in hate is the danger many Jewish people fear most.

Since Oct. 7, Jewish-owned businesses that have nothing to do with Israel have been boycotted and vandalized. Jewish students on college campuses have been harassed and assaulted with alarming frequency. A Jewish high school teacher in Queens told me about being forced to hide in a locked office from student protesters who were demanding that she be fired because she attended a rally supporting Israel.

These are just a few examples, but they point to a troubling trend. Too often in Jewish history, legitimate criticism of Israeli policies or even older disputes over religious, economic and political issues have crossed over into something darker, into attacking Jewish people simply for being Jewish.

What happened last week at the Queens high school is an example of crossing that threshold. Walking out of school to march in support of Palestinians is completely legitimate. But forcing a Jewish teacher to hide because she had attended a rally in support of Israel is antisemitism, pure and simple.

For many Jewish people today, the rise of antisemitism is more than a crisis — it’s a five-alarm fire. That’s why I feel compelled to speak out, especially considering the growing disparity between how Jewish people understand the rise of antisemitism and how many of my non-Jewish friends regard it.

While American Jews have always been wary of the hatemongers lurking on the edges of our society, we are proud to be American, because in this country, unlike so many others, our ancestors were able to put down roots and flourish.

Take my own family story. Only in America could an exterminator’s son grow up to be the first Jewish party leader in the Senate.

But many of my family members elsewhere met more tragic ends.

When I was a boy, I learned what happened when the Nazis invaded my family’s town in Ukraine. The Nazis ordered my great-grandmother to gather her extended family on the porch of her home. When the Nazis told her to come with them, she refused, and they gunned her down, along with 30 members of her family, from 85 years old to 3 months old.

When I heard the story of what Hamas and its allies did in Kibbutz Be’eri, where they killed more than 120 Jews, from the elderly to babies, it struck me on a deeply personal level.

Most Jewish Americans have similar stories — stories that we learned at a young age and will stay imprinted on our hearts for as long as we live.

We see and hear things differently from others because we understand the horrors that can follow the targeting of Jewish people. We’ve learned the hard way to fear how such attacks can easily erupt into widespread antisemitism if they are not repudiated. I am sure Arab Americans have similar fears when they see the rise in Islamophobia and horrific crimes like the gut-wrenching murder of the 6-year-old Wadea Al-Fayoume.

Of course, criticizing the Israeli government is not inherently antisemitic. Over the years, I have vehemently disagreed with many of Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s policies, especially his administration’s encouragement of settlements in the West Bank, gravely harming prospects for a two-state solution, which I support. I have also been among those who have said that Israel must act according to international law and that humanitarian assistance for Palestinians is critical.

But when criticism against Israel is allowed to cross over into something different — into a denial of a Jewish state in any form, into open calls for the very destruction of Israel, while at the same time the self-determination of other peoples is exalted — that is an example of the discriminatory double standard Jewish people have always found so hurtful. And we worry about what could come next.

Because for centuries, what is good for everybody else has been too often denied to the Jew. Jews could live here but not there; Jews could hold this job but not that.

And to declare that only the Jewish people cannot have their own state, in any form, is a glaring example of that double standard Jewish Americans so fiercely object to.

I implore every person and every community and every institution to stand with Jewish Americans and to denounce antisemitism in all of its forms. Americans are stewards of the flames of liberty, tolerance and equality that warm our melting pot and make it possible for Jewish Americans to prosper alongside Palestinian Americans as well as every other immigrant group.

America has always been exceptional. But when it matters most, are we still a nation that can defy the course of human history, where the Jewish people have been ostracized, expelled and massacred over and over again?

I believe the answer can and must be a resounding yes.

And I will do everything in my power — as Senate majority leader, as a Jewish American, as a citizen of a free society, as a human being — to make it so.

[atopearth]

Birushana: Rising Flower of Genpei Part 4 - Yoritomo Minamoto Route

I never realised/remembered that Yoritomo actually had other brothers, and that he was the only one to survive out of his family during the Heiji Rebellion. I love how meeting Yoritomo in his route makes Shanao understand the deep pain Yoritomo must have suffered as one of the only survivors from the war and how much responsibility he must carry as a Genji leader. I wonder how many times Yoritomo has heard from his soldiers telling him to live on and take down the Heike for them if they are to die here as sacrifices to protect him. I can't imagine how heavy the responsibility it is to carry the lives of people who died for you believing that you will carry on their dreams and hopes. I think the part of Yoritomo's speech to his troops ordering them to flee and that they will reunite again one day when he raises his troops again was the most effective to me when he told them that he had been living in shame since he was fourteen. All this time he had been in exile, all this time he had to live with the burden of the Genji name and soldiers who died passing on their hopes and dreams to him, all this time he's been keeping all these feelings and all this pain inside himself, it really breaks my heart to think about it.

It's actually quite cute how much Shanao wants to get along with Yoritomo, I wonder if Yoritomo feels bad about it because he already knows that Shanao most likely isn't his real brother. It was so adorable how Shanao fell asleep imagining how it would be like to spar against Yoritomo, she really is like a child as he says haha. Honestly, even though it was probably distasteful for Yoritomo to let an out of control Shanao to keep fighting like a maniac but I can't really fault him for it because they did need her crazy prowess to win against the Heike and wait for reinforcements. And when you think about how he doesn't mind being shameless as long as it achieves his goals, it's very understandable. I'm glad he told Shanao that it was this power of hers that saved his life, so despite the negatives of it, in the end, she did help him and protect him as she said she would. It was so cute how Yoritomo was sad and probably annoyed over how Shanao wanted something from Takatsuna but not from Yoritomo haha! Shanao's good luck charm necklace that's a pair with Yoritomo is so childishly cute but so sweet at the same time. For someone like Yoritomo, her constant desire for wanting to be beside him and help him is probably what moves his heart the most. I guess the Shanao in this route prioritises familial connection very much, because I was a bit surprised at how adamant she was on wanting to not kill Yoshinaka. But I guess for her, she hasn't really seen him and his tyranny so she thinks that she wants to be able to stop him if she can, so I'm actually quite glad that Yoritomo told her his position and how he couldn't let the people who rely on him and believe him be disappointed that he won't cut down people who have no regard towards tormenting others just because Yoshinaka is of Genji blood.

It always feels so sad to see Yoshinaka never really get to put up a fight, like is he that weak or is it just for plot hahaha. Anyway, Shanao falling asleep super fast after Yoritomo put her on his horse was just so sweet and adorable. Yoritomo's brothers trying their best to protect Yoritomo and their father only to end up captured and executed must have been something very very difficult to witness. I can't imagine losing my whole family and being forced to live all alone in exile. LMAO I love how when Shanao went to consult Tadanobu about if he would feel lonely if Tsugunobu were to get married, Tadanobu was all like that's gross, eww hahahaha. I was so happy when Yoritomo immediately ran after Shanao with no hesitation. But it broke my heart to hear him say that he himself is also a tool for victory because his whole life since he was 14 was led to fulfil his "fate by heaven", kinda like his life mission I guess. When he finally shared his honest feelings with Shanao and said he didn't want to lose his family that he loves ever again and that's why he didn't want to get close to Shanao, it really made me want to cry😭😭😭 So Yoritomo in this route really had no idea Shanao was a woman, and he actually felt something towards her dangg! Scandalous haha! But I approve🥲

It seems like I underestimated the depth of Yoritomo's pain and emptiness, his father was very very cruel to him, but I guess I can understand why he forced Yoritomo to be the one to kill his brother when his wounds wouldn't have allowed him to go on with them. I just felt so bad for Yoritomo since his brother kept saying he didn't want to die and Yoritomo had to kill him or he would be humiliated by the Heike when caught.. Now I see why he doesn't really want to visit his father and his brothers' graves, since he was forced to kill them all. It's no wonder that Yoritomo had no qualms towards killing Yoshinaka. If he's been forced to kill his brothers and his father whom he loved and respected, why would he hesitate towards others when he knows that their dying wishes are what he should be focusing on as his reason to live and nothing else should stop him. The only thing I'm glad about is that Yoritomo's desire to defeat the Heike and restore the Genji is his own desire after seeing the tyranny of the Heike once they reigned. I couldn't help but cry when Shanao hugged Yoritomo and said she wanted to share his burdens, and he asked if he really isn't alone anymore and that he's basically allowed to "feel things". On the other hand, I wonder why Ikenozeni (Kiyomori's mother) is so intent on destroying the cursed Heike bloodline that she got a child of the Heike (Shanao) to live as a Genji and come back to destroy the Heike... It was so sweet when Yoritomo told Shanao to think of him whenever she's afraid, and that even though they might be fighting on different parts of the battlefield, he told her that he'll always be with her!! I love that. Especially considering how he's been all this time, seeing him show emotions of jealousy, love and just in general kindness and thoughtful towards Shanao just makes my heart warm. When Yoritomo retorted Shanao saying she's a monster that consumes spirit by saying to her that he consumed the lives of his brothers and his father, I admit I couldn't refute him either. He was right and I'm glad Shanao was able to be convinced by him. But most importantly, the kiss!! I love how much Yoritomo wants to support Shanao just as much as she always has for him.

Considering how cold Yoritomo looked when we first met him, it's crazy how much love, care and emotion he shows in the CGs with Shanao. I love how gently he looks at her and he treats her with such love! I didn't expect to like him but I actually really like Yoritomo. The tragic love ending was quite sad and different, I liked it. It was sad to see Shanao lose her sense of sight, ability to move etc but be forced to live because Yoritomo wouldn't be able to go on without her in his life. It was certainly tragic because it's a difficult situation. Just as Shanao wants to die to be relieved from a life where she is completely helpless, Yoritomo won't be able to live on without her existence beside him. Seeing Shanao always getting brutally murdered or heavily injured to the point that she might as well be dead is so sad...

Overall, I liked Yoritomo's route more than I expected! After Shungen, I really wasn't expecting much tbh but I think if you enjoy seeing Shanao chase after Yoritomo and really desiring that familial bond she never got, always trying her best to meet Yoritomo's expectations and to do whatever she can to support him, you'll probably enjoy this route. I found it quite adorable because it was cute to see Shanao prioritise "familial love" whilst understanding her position as a general and a Genji. I also really liked Yoritomo's reasons for being the person he was. I really felt for his story and I couldn't help but tear up thinking about how much he had to go through since he was a teenager. He was all alone and finally had someone who willingly wanted to stay beside him forever and help him, how could he not like Shanao haha. I think it was cute to see Yoritomo finally feel like he could relax with Shanao and have a life outside of his "fate" as the Genji survivor. Seeing him do things like chase after Shanao and very honestly telling her his story and his feelings really made me like him more and more because I loved how he didn't shy away from revealing his insecurities and he always did his best to show how much he cares for Shanao. He is definitely the big brother type and route haha. My favourite boy alongside Benkei!

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

A year ago yesterday Thich Nhat Hanh died, and  fellow Vietnamese immigrant and magnificent poet Ocean Vuong wrote about his teacher and sorrow, beautifully, wisely, and generously. As Ocean always does, he also celebrated the undying power of words, language, and story. 

Here's his letter to the Plum Village communities:

Dear monastic and lay practitioners in our Buddhist communities far and wide—In the days following Thầy’s continuation, I have been asked by various media outlets, as a Buddhist author, to speak on this momentous occurrence in our community. But I declined—for what have I to say that Thầy’s teaching has not already solidified, already made so self-evidently clear? His practice and life’s work were always to prepare us for this moment and, in this way, prepare us for us. For our own grief in Samsara. I have always felt that to do nothing was wiser than to do something without strong intention or proper conditions in place. But when Denise Nguyen, executive Director of the Thích Nhất Hạnh Foundation, reached out asking to share directly to our community, this call made sense to me, to speak to you as one among you. 

Language and sound, as we know, are one of our oldest mediums of transmission. The root of the word “narrative” is “gnarus,” Latin for knowledge. As such, all stories are first and foremost the translation of knowledge. But not only that, they are the transmission of energy. And, as Thầy taught us, energy cannot die. As a poet, this is a truth I live with every day. Because to read a few lines of Gilgamesh or The Iliad or the Tale of Kiều, is to receive the linguistic energy of a mind working up to over four thousand years ago. In this way, to speak is to survive, and to teach is to shepherd our ideas into the future, the text is a raft we send forward for all later generations. We know this because we have all clung, are still clinging, to the raft of Thầy’s and Buddha’s teachings.

How lucky we are, as a species, to have such a vehicle. I do believe that language, despite major developments in medicine and science, is still our most advanced technology. We owe it to ourselves to commit to building new rafts for all sentient beings. Our work, as was Thầy’s, is part of a long tradition of liberation that spans multiple epochs and myriad realms. Yes, energy, and even people, do not truly die. But I must speak, too, as a lay practitioner, who does not yet possess the merit to devote to a monastic life, and must admit that my heart breaks to see Thầy’s body prepared for cremation, to know his journey through death and dying, which, as the Buddhas taught us, is one of the passages of suffering all sentient beings must move through. And because I am not strong enough in my practice, I watched the procession for Thầy’s funeral with tears in my eyes, both for the beauty of the community he built but also for the immense sadness in my heart. I weep for myself and others who do not yet have the wisdom and merit to bear this pain well. 

When my own mother was dying of cancer in November 2019, on her deathbed, she said to me, her voice weak, and the heat energy already fading from her limbs, Con ơi, giờ con đã biết nỗi đau này, con phải đi giúp người ta nghe. / My son, now that you know this sickness, you must take this knowledge to help people. My mother, though illiterate, memorized Vietnamese Buddhist sutras and would listen to Thầy’s teaching on her iPhone with regularity. I told her: Yes, I will not let this pain be experienced in vain. And since so many of us are feeling pain about Thầy’s continuation, I think it is helpful to see sadness, too, as energy. May we let the sadness come and teach us how to live. Let it be the mud for the lotus, as Thầy says. Let us sit with it and let it pass through us so that it might be transformed to something like love. 

My mother, having learned from Thầy, knew that pain can be recycled into knowledge. Isn’t that what language is?

And I ask now, specifically of our monastics brothers and sisters, folks, and elders, as you have Xuất Gia, or “went forth,” and therefore are the true pioneers of human phenomena, I ask you humbly, to seek, in your practice (as I am sure you have already done), all the ways sadness might be transformed. And we, the lay practitioners who have “remained”, will follow your path. This is why monastics are, to my mind, the true embodiments of courage, are warriors more grounded and determined than anyone who has ever raised a sword: you have chosen to shave your heads and march into the vast unknown, beyond the cliff of human knowledge, while we remain here in relative safety and comfort, awaiting your discoveries, ready to go forth.

It is said that grief is actually love—but with nowhere to go. In a quest that might very well take up the remainder of my life in this form, I ask of myself and also of you, dear community: where shall we go, both within and outside us? Now that we have such a capacious raft, one that can hold so many, fortified by Thầy’s teaching, there might still be sadness, yes, but there is no more fear. Knowing you are out there, mining the answers when you sit down, when you follow your breath, when you make offerings, knowing you are just ahead of us, and that I can glimpse your bright robes along the road, like scraps of sunlight among the grey detritus, how can I ever be scared? But more so, how can I ever be lost?I am sad, yes. And I will be so for some time. My heart aches—but despite, or perhaps because of that, I have found you. And in you I have found myself. That is the narrative, that is the knowledge. 

Yours, in hope and word, --Ocean Vuong

(pháp danh: đức Hải)