fadingstudentbananacookie

[fadingstudentbananacookie]

Dany stans need to stop bringing up misogyny whenever someone criticizes Daenerys, the reason so many people dislike/hate her has nothing to do with her gender, Daenerys is a complex character with both good and bad traits, it is completely normal that some people won't fw her. I personally really dislike Daenerys because of her actions, but whenever I see someone saying misogynistic rude things about her (calling her a b**ch, w**re, etc) I will 100% be against it and call the person out.

Same thing applies to Rhaenyra, no we don't hate her because she's a woman, its actually because of all the war crimes and deaths that she caused. Targaryens in general are very easy to hate because of how problematic all of them are, regardless of their gender, its not that deep.

[fadingstudentbananacookie]

aura of high lords, they said🌠

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the idea of jaime brienne age gap discourse is so funny to me its the will/hannibal age gap discourse of the asoiaf fandom. We're ignoring the kingslaying and incest and the attempted murder and the fact hes technically taken vows of celibacy to focus on him being middle aged

[fadingstudentbananacookie]

heaven's gates

[fadingstudentbananacookie]

Here's the thing:

I don't deny that Tamlin did abusive things. I deny that he's inherently abusive.

I deny that he intentionally hurt Feyre and I maintain that the harm he caused her came as a result of his own trauma that corrupted the love he had for her into possessiveness.

and I think that's an important distinction to make. for all his failings, he truly believes that she needs to be protected. his perspective still sees Amarantha snapping her neck, still sees danger in every corner. so after one of those dangers takes Feyre away, Tamlin goes a little nuts.

keep in mind that he's been dealing with his scars from his own abuse at the hands of his father, mother, potentially his brothers, and Amarantha all while leading his court...which is also trying to heal from Amarantha's 50 years.

so this abused and broken individual is further broken by the death of the woman he loves and he responds by trying to ensure that nothing will ever happen to her again by taking ownership of her person and safety, giving everything in order to ensure her protection while simultaneously losing sight of the fact that she doesn't need to be coddled to heal

so yes, he hurts her. yes, Tamlin and Feyre no longer work as a couple because of who they've become.

does it justify the destruction of the Spring Court? No

does it justify Feyre lying to Tamlin about Rhysand taking her by force, triggering further possessive reactions? No

at the end of the day, Tamlin was a double agent collecting intel, dragging Beron to war, and doing what he could to protect Pythian as well as the Human lands.

by the end of the initial trilogy, Tamlin lets Feyre go, wishes her well, and brings back Rhysand from the dead. which he had no obligation to do.

That's why I love and defend Tamlin as a character. because he's made terrible choices and has paid the price for those mistakes, but the core of him is still as it always has been: good.

[fadingstudentbananacookie]

She calls Lucien vital, essential and inwardly gloats over the fact that she took someone important away from Tamlin.

and then delights in the fact that she has Tamlin's power, which he gave freely in order to save her life and then further rejoices on how much she's taken from him

when, at most, he temporarily took away her freedom

kind of sadistic if you ask me

[fadingstudentbananacookie]

1) by asosf, Cassian proves that he listens and defers to Rhysand above Feyre and reacts poorly to anyone even remotely speaking ill of Rhysand. Azriel doesn't have a lot of page time, but while he's been shown to disagree with Rhysand, Rhysand always comes out on top via pulling rank.

2) Rhys can see what's happening because he can literally hop into peoples' minds. Take that away and see if he's still so observant.

3) Tamlin didn't see because he was otherwise occupied with actual High Lord duties, hunting down the remnants, and trying to break her bargain with Rhysand. He wasn't being self absorbed, he was taking responsibility for many many things. Tamlin and Lucien both were under the impression that Rhys was using his daemati powers on her to manipulate her mind. As far as Tamlin knew, his fiancée had been forced to make a bargain, had been snatched away because of that bargain, and couldn't read and write, had refused to be taught when he'd offered. What was a letter going to do besides convince him that Rhysand had been up to something in her head?

[fadingstudentbananacookie]

I said to Tamlin, my back ramrod straight, “You don’t get to speak to me like that. You promised you wouldn’t act this way.”

“You have no idea what’s at risk—”

“Don’t you talk down to me. Not after what I went through to get back here, to you. To our people. You think any of us are happy to be working with Hybern? You think I don’t see it in their faces? The question of whether I am worth the dishonor of it?” His breathing turned ragged again. Good, I wanted to urge him. Good. “You sold us out to get me back,” I said, low and cold. “You whored us out to Hybern. Forgive me if I am now trying to regain some of what we lost.” Claws slid free. A feral growl rippled out of him. “They hunted down and butchered those humans for sport,” I went on. “You might be willing to get on your knees for Hybern, but I certainly am not.” He exploded. Furniture splintered and went flying, windows cracked and shattered. And this time, I did not shield myself.

The worktable slammed into me, throwing me against the bookshelf, and every place where flesh and bone met wood barked and ached. My knees slammed into the carpeted floor, and Tamlin was instantly in front of me, hands shaking— The doors burst open.

This scene is one of the most twisted examples of how the fandom—and Feyre herself—manipulates the narrative when it comes to Tamlin.

Let’s break this down:

1. Feyre’s Intentional Provocation

Feyre wanted this reaction. That’s undeniable. Look at her internal monologue:

“Good, I wanted to urge him. Good.”

She is deliberately pushing Tamlin to the edge, goading him into losing control. This isn’t an innocent conversation where emotions spiral out of hand—this is Feyre calculatedly provoking someone she knows is volatile, emotionally compromised, and deeply unstable after everything that’s happened.

She came back to Spring Court with the explicit goal of destroying it from within. She wanted Tamlin broken, isolated, and enraged. And when he reacts violently—not even directly attacking her, but lashing out at his surroundings in a loss of control—she welcomes it. She doesn’t shield herself on purpose so that there’s a physical consequence.

This is not to excuse Tamlin’s outburst—because yes, losing control like that is dangerous. But this wasn’t some random act of cruelty. Feyre engineered this moment. She weaponized his trauma, his guilt, and his desperation.

2. Context Matters

Tamlin is a male who has:

• Been manipulated by Ianthe.

• Seemingly sold out to Hybern out of a desperate, grief-stricken attempt to save Feyre.

• Watched his entire court slip into chaos.

• Been lied to, abandoned, and humiliated.

Feyre knows exactly what mental state he’s in. And rather than handle it with any sense of maturity or strategic distance, she taunts him about being a traitor, a whore, and someone who kneels for Hybern—when she knows damn well he thought he was saving her life.

3. The Double Standard

The fandom excuses Rhysand constantly for far worse behavior—mind control, threats, manipulation, and even outright abuse of power—because he’s “traumatized” or “had no choice.”

But when Tamlin, a character who clearly struggles with emotional regulation and grief, explodes after being intentionally provoked, suddenly he’s irredeemable?

Where is that same energy for Rhysand threatening to make the Autumn Court bleed because Lucien drew a sword? Or Cassian snapping because Nesta irritated him?

Feyre walked into this scene knowing exactly what she wanted to happen. She didn’t protect herself because she wanted a bruise—something to hold against him, to further justify her sabotage and to make herself the victim.

4. Feyre’s Hypocrisy

Feyre has repeatedly used her trauma as justification for her behavior—but gives Tamlin none of that grace. She acts as if he should be perfectly composed while she’s actively tearing his court apart.

She’s not confronting Tamlin out of a desire for closure, justice, or even protection of others—she’s doing it to provoke a reaction.

Conclusion: Why I’ll Never Blame Tamlin Fully For This Scene

Because this wasn’t a one-sided act of violence. This was a calculated emotional attack from Feyre, designed to push Tamlin into snapping so she could justify her actions and further vilify him.

Did Tamlin lose control? Yes.

Is that dangerous? Yes.

But was this entirely his fault? Absolutely not.

Feyre wanted this. She orchestrated it. And the fact that people ignore her role in this moment just proves how skewed the narrative has become.

[fadingstudentbananacookie]

Facts

1. My fiancée doesn’t know how to write

2. My fiancée is incredibly traumatized and mentally weak right now

3. Evil man can control minds

4. Evil man makes sure everyone knows he is very evil and is the ruler of a very evil scary place

5. My fiancée was once kidnapped by evil man in front of my face on our wedding day

I come home one day expecting my fiancée to be safe at home but instead I find she has been taken by evil man

Now my fiancée writes me a note saying she is fine and wants to stay with evil mind control man. I am expected to accept this as fact.

[fadingstudentbananacookie]

Gee, I don't know, Azriel.

Maybe it's because they're fighting for people they don't care about? Maybe because they're being forced to defend the IC and precious Velaris with little to no reward for doing so?

Maybe they strongly dislike "their" high lord and don't want to take orders from him. Maybe they know that he only values them because they're the "largest army in prythian" and wouldn't be able to function without them.

Maybe, just maybe, there's a difference between warriors and soldiers and the Illyrians would prefer to choose for themselves what they'd like to be and who they'd like to die for.

[fadingstudentbananacookie]

Reminder: Rhysand said, and I quote, Neither side is innocent about a war in which one side was fighting for their freedom and to end their enslavement, while the other was fighting to keep slaves, to keep owning people.

Yeah, for me, that speaks more about his character than all the so-called good deeds he claims he's done.

[fadingstudentbananacookie]

Hold on! About Alicole, I get you don’t dig it and find it anoying and hypocrite (it is this last) but don’t reduce the complex characters to “Rhaenyra is their world and they are so lost”

1. Alicent was not “mad at Rhaenyra just for banging Criston” she was upset bc she lied to her face about going out and exposing herself, and said she is still a “Lady”. She is angry cause her dad (her only ally in court) was sent away after her request even if the accusation were true (she was INDEED seen out in the Street of Silk w/ Daemon) She was hurt to see her son lose and eye an no one getting a consequense when she did, and her son did. Is not about “oh, you slept with Criston? I hate you”

2. Criston is not with Alicent bc Rhaenyra rejected him. He is with her bc she saved his life, she gave him an opoortunity, he stood ip for him when no one else did. He is truly loyal to her, is her closest person and has basically help her raise her children (Look at the kids interaction with Cole, like is that their dad or what?)

3. Criston doesn’t hate Rhaenyra bc she said no to running away and selling oranges. He is upset bc he realised she had no respect for him. This was breaking him in a million pieces and she was uncapable to see that, or to even try to see it.

Now, you may argue “is the same with alicent, he is now his whore” and sorry but no. Alicent is a widow, she is not cheating on anyone, she is not using him in private and desregarding him in public. Season 1 makes this very clear, he is her confident, he is the person she trusts, she lets her kids be close to him, they see each other at their worse and still stand by each other.

Didn’t u see the Council looks? They are a team. Also Fabien said “his heart is alway to alicent” so I believe their is love, and also Alan Taylor -the director- said this too “There is love from both sides there” Olivia said as well “Rhaenyra is not even s ghost in this relationship” They have moved past that Rhae + Criston, both of them, and are having their own thing. It is hypocrite, yes it is, and they are aware of it

[fadingstudentbananacookie]

What do you think of Tamlin as a High Lord?

Hi anon!

It's hard to quite talk objectively about his performance as a High Lord, as this series is politically-consistent, nor motivated, for that matter. In short, I don't think we're supposed to pay attention to the politics, save for when its convenient.

But -- when I zoom out from the love story, the protagonist-centered moral compass, and look objectively to how a character reacts to situations, I believe that Tamlin's actions make...a lot of sense. I would even go as far as to say -- given his situation(s) -- I quite agree/understand why he makes the decisions he does.

For example, when Feyre goes UTM, his strategy of pretending not to know Feyre made a lot of sense! Think about it: Amarantha is a passionately jealous person. If Tamlin confessed his love to Feyre on day one, Amarantha would have just killed Feyre. We know this because at the end of the novel, when Tamlin expresses his love for Feyre...Amarantha immediately tortures and kills Feyre without question, without even trying to uphold her end of the bargain. If anything - throughout the events of UTM, Feyre's irrelevance partially saves her life. Amarantha forgets about her, and only drags her out when its time to complete the bargain. Tamlin's ambivalence meant that Amarantha got nothing to torture her with; and when Amarantha is given information about Feyre, she uses it to further devise her trials (such as Rhysand telling Amarantha that Feyre is a hunter....and then sending the Wyrm after Feyre, her illiteracy, which I won't place entirely on Rhys bc we truly have no idea how Amaratha knew). Imagine if Tamlin spilled the beans, Amarantha would have gotten Unknown Daemati #217 to crack his mind open, and now Amarantha knows about not just Feyre, but her father, her sisters, and the entire human congregation living by the wall.

Secondly, Tamlin was the only one of the High Lords to remain cognizant of Amarantha--which is the reason Rhysand was wary, to begin with. And even under heavy watch, he still allows refugees from other courts to take refuge at his own home. He still works through the curse, despite how many men he was losing, and ONLY stops because he was tired of sacrificing his friends with no end result. He even feels guilty about having to make Feyre fall in love, so much so that Lucien has to tell him to do it, even though he knows (to some extent) that Feyre killed Andras with hate in her heart. He still defends the borders (which ofc is bare minimum)

Thirdly, when he realizes he cannot fend against Hybern's vast army, he staunches the flow of Hybern soldiers into his land through his alliance, all the while, still collecting stacks and stacks of information to send back to the other High Lords. And I should note -- he doesn't have to do this as the bargain would at least ensure the safety of his people (and please don't get me started on the flimsy nature of bargains in this series, because Hybern should have faced consequences for breaking it). And even AFTER the Nigh court ruins the operation, Tamlin still comes, still saves Feyre, and STILL brings Rhysand back from the dead.

And even with Ianthe - I never know what game the story is playing. I definitely think its a blunder to trust her, but WAR made it pretty clear that Tamlin was wary of Ianthe, and probably was only using her to cement his alliance with the King. While I think Ianthe attempts to manipulate Tamlin, and does to some extent, in relation to his relationship with Feyre, I don't know that he was completely inept in that situation. I also think its a weird plot hole to have Tamlin defer to a woman, while making the argument that Tamlin is a misogynistic asshole who hates to see women in power. As with his dynamic with Ianthe - we know that's not true. Especially because the story is arguing that Tamlin had an issue with Feyre being in power, when in reality, he seems to have no issue taking political advice from a women, and seems to actually take in to consideration what Ianthe is saying, though its not the greatest thing. The difference between how much power Ianthe had in Spring, and how little power the leading women of the IC have is quite astounding. Like yeah Ianthe is evil, but why is she pulling more strings than the Second-in-Command eldritch monster, or Third-in Command warrior princess?

Look - the politics in the series starts on uneven footing - but I just feel like Tamlin made very reasonable decisions despite being in completely unreasonable situations. Like, he's placed in the lose-lose situations, but ultimately always makes the right decision. And in the realm of this story -- with the other High Lords as a metric -- I think Tamlin is a pretty good High Lord. I think I can come to that conclusion, but I'm up for discussions if anyone disagrees.

[fadingstudentbananacookie]

feyre and mor are literally the only people in acotar who've done nothing wrong ever yet they have so many haters?

no accounting for taste i guess

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🐸 There's so many layers to the mor-cassian-azriel conflict that makes it fucked up (the classissm, the lack of logic as a whole, uninformed concent, etc) but one thing that stuck out to me is the fact that in wings and embers, cassian mentions that a huge factor in saying yes to mor initially was the fact that it would hurt azriel. Besides the obvious misogyny, it always read to me as cassian (and az too, as we later see) chasing a proximity to status (whiteness on a meta level) through coupling with a high fae female; compounded by the fact that he continues to be obsessed with mor's approval even after the incident. And like. That chase for status is technically rewarded within the narrative: he gets a powerful high fae mate gift wrapped to him by his idol to mold and shape at his pleasure.

I'd like to hear your thoughts on this, if possible.

(I might not like cassian and probably never will, but I really, really hate the fact that a huge part of his character is "hypersexual MOC character who chases after white women as the ultimate prize")

Hi anon!! Sorry this took so long with this! I had sooo much to say because your points where brilliant! Disclaimer: this is looooong! I really wanted to discuss the weird area Az an Cassian exist in, which I think contextualizes they're dynamic with Mor!

Cassian is Rhysand's 'brother'--and this sentiment is steeled into the text: we are not taught to look at Cassian and Azriel as actual characters, but extension's of Rhysand's generosity, of his kindness. The material reality is this: Cassian and Azriel are the select few members of an ashamed minority. They are powerful in their own right, but their value, culture, sociality is so closely tied to Rhysand (and the High Fae) that they've been annexed and shamed from their own communities: in short--even if Az and Cassian wanted to be amongst their people, amongst their kind, they would not have a home. They would not be welcomed--and no amount of physical power can quite amend that situation--its centuries in the making.

Even in that - they still lived their formative years interpolated into a system that hates them, devalues them. Because of that, it makes perfect sense that they would do anything to escape that (enter: Rhysand's generosity). And -- I don't think I'm far off the mark with that observation, either; if I remember correctly, Cassian (I think -- pls correct me if I'm wrong), initially notes Rhysand's difference (his clean clothes, his demeanor) and fights him. Cassian's bastard heritage ensured that even with his power, he was entitled to nothing. He literally owes...everything to the High Fae culture.

So - years go by - and Cassian, Az, and Rhysand are a unit. But that solidarity within the High Fae circle, couples with their bastard heritage, the image of the NC (at that time), and immense power breeds resentment.

Az and Cass were living in ramshackle houses, no bath, living in complete darkness, tortured--and then they entered a whole new world with Rhys. Velaris exists: night-clubs, parties, artist blocks, shelters for the abused. They've entered a whole new reality than what they ever thought possible in the dark, 'backward' society of their origin. Like--if they're mothers lived in Velaris, they'd have had better lives. It would make sense that,in world, the really do see Velaris as this dream, a city on a hill.

They would come to intricately understand that opulence, wealth, social/political intrigue is aligned with the High Fae. And so -- they begin to seek this validation of the place in that society. The reality quickly becomes this: they are still visibly other in this circles. Brown skin, brown eyes, curved ears, and large wings. They are tolerated in these spaces, not respected. Their utility makes them useful, but the race ultimately makes them disposable.

What better way to cement your claim to this society than through a High Fae woman. And its like, Morrigan was never going to marry or love them, but for them, the desirability of a High Fae woman is validation of their status in this society. Azriel often spouts this rhetoric in his chapter with Elain (he's dark, she's the sun. he's dirty, she's pure--too pure to have and blah blah blah). Yet, with his race, he is vitriolic. Unyielding and unmerciful. And while the High Fae are the masters of the dynamic, Az's relationship with Rhys and Mor creates that blindness. The same with Cassian. They have benefited from this system too much to earnestly dismantle it---and dismantling the system ensures they are essentially...thrown to the wolves. Again -- without Rhys -- Az and Cassian have no home, no community. Prior to the events of TAR, they have willingly aided in the 'evil NC' scheme. So--even within other courts--they'd be pariahs.

And this all inevitably comes to a head with Mor. Both boys seem to have an obsession with Mor -- and Mor riles them on, in more ways than one. Morrigan's rejection of both echoes a rejection of society. Azriel literally pines for Morigan for OVER 300 YEARS. And still -- he doesn't even see her as a person, but as this holy embodiment of purity that his 'dirty' hands just can't touch. And Cassian views Morrigan the same way, except, his relationship with Mor echoes a sort of jealousy. Both boys use Mor as the object of their validation in High Fae society. And it would make sense that they would harm themselves to maintain that relationship.

It's definitely interesting to see race, misogyny (misogynoir), class intersect at a complicated point in this story. It's also why I've also felt that a lot of the shipping discourse, particularly with Azriel (with Gwyn and Elain) oftentimes recreate these dynamics to a very nasty degree. Like--in their rush to be 'feminist' (i.e. they like the female character more than the male character), they often treat Azriel's character like an exotic doll that can be passed around and played with, often disregarding his complicated feelings with his hertitage, his (post-retcon) harrassing issue, and the fact that he is still a marginalized man of color. But in a way - Its very indicative in both Cassian and Az are seen by the novel.

With the Morrigan situation--its so darkly comes to a head, as you've so brilliantly analyzed. Morrigan -- High Fae, princess of Hewn City -- is placed in this position where she realizes her freedom and her life are at risk of not being her own. And to relinquish herself of this fate she finds "the best/greatest Illyrian warrior" (her words, no lie). The material reality for Cassian is this: bastard-born, low political social rank, minority states, poor (presumably), his only claim to status is his relationship with Rhys, current High Lord already hates him. In an act of desperation, Morrigan destiny swaps with Cassian: she places him in her victim role. And the story never delves into details -- because then it would have to expound on the racial/social undertones. I expect a few more retcons in regards to the situation.

It's not to say Morrigan's situation isn't empathetic, or even understandable - its that it represents white feminism to a T. And its to the point where Morrigan still seems to replicate this same behavior towards Cassian, just in a subtle way: She uses him as the buffer between Az, she's involved with his relationship with Nesta, she still seems to pull Cassian along for the ride. And its like -- she already did this HUGE violation, but she also doesn't seem...too bothered by the fact. In fact - she's continued to use Cassian in that way for the next 500 years.

And the reality is that in our own reality -- white women -- have been victims of patriarchy, but they've historically used black and brown bodies as a way to circumvent their own oppression. Something that radically changed me as a kid was reading Frederick Douglass's narrative and seeing him document his mistress's hard shift from perceived nice person to evil incarnate. Mind you -- this is the same woman who taught him how to read. I wrote a paper on this in college because it was such a poignant illustration of my ultimate distress of systems. She was against the system, until the system turned against her. Once that happened, she picked the most vulnerable person she could and took her anger out on them. Her 'freedom' from the system was predicated on the subjugation of those lower on the social wheel. It was so easy to just...revoke his humanity when it no longer benefitted her.

Specifically, with the Morrigan situation--particularly the moment in time in which it takes place--we see the consequence of this disjointed system. The narrative focuses on a more sympathetic view of the situation--we are trained to be looking at the direct emotional consequence the Mor/Cassian situation stems from, not the material reality (or circumstances) happening in front of us. And we've seen this system established through the lens of Feyre's personal narration: the internal motivating factors seem to undermine the material reality. Intention is the golden key--if you're favorable. And in this case -- the only victim ever reiterated is Morrigan. Rhys and Az are angry at Cassian--it (if im remembering) nearly broke them a part. This is loooong already so I'll end off my rambling, but this is a very interesting topic to me and I thank you for your question!

[fadingstudentbananacookie]

oh wait - i think i have anonther point to my initial one.

i think the 'father' discussion also factors into how other nonromantic males in the story are perceived. im especially thinking about this in relation to the feyre/lucien dynamic. i think their relationship really hits at the point about how the story demands that these men operate in a paternal way towards feyre--and what happens when their character rejects that role. how it gets perceived in fan spaces.

when feyre goes utm, lucien is willing to help feyre, and does so on many occasions, but he doesn't believe he should protect feyre at the cost of his own well-being. lucien, in general, is a great character to look at when we think about this rejection of the father role. he is pretty much the only character who treats feyre...as in equal. even when he spouts mean things. he doesn't see feyre as a daughter, hence why he felt so comfortable baiting her every chance he got. why he puts her in crazy positions (see: trying to kill her), and why its the only semi-geniune friendship she has. lucien would call feyre out for any and EVERYTHING. because he just disliked her. he's the only one who acts realistically to the curse, andras's death, and the urgency.

it always struck me as weird that feyre's narration begins to downplay lucien's role in helping her utm. and i truly believe that distinction comes from the fact that...lucien wants to live. he is terrified for his life -- he's literally screaming at feyre during the second trial because he's afraid to die. he's terrified of tamlin, he does things out of self-preservation. he isn't willing (initially) to barter his life fully to feyre. and i think thats why the story writes him into the spot that it does. lucien...has autonomy. a weird sort of autonomy, which is often demonized by the fandom, because he isn't willing to lie down and sacrifice his well-being for feyre.

a paternalistic reading, again, would demand that from lucien. rhysand fills that spot, he is willing to sacrifice himself, to hurt himself, to push down his own feelings for feyre. like a father. its an unwritten understanding. but a we see that the story demands this paternal instinct from male characters. even feyre is still favored by her father, despite his negligence. he still views feyre as this perfect, pure girl destined to be better. destined to transcend his own life and agency (he even says as much when feyre is captured). and i think subconsciously, the story expects that behavior from every single male character in the story. that when they look at feyre, they don't treat her as a political being whose decisions have action and agency, but as their daughter who is destined for greater. whose idealism is okay, even at their expense (see: tarquin). and its an even worse dynamic for the women in the series (i could write a dissertation about the maternal expectation of ALL of the female characters -- its much more alarming than the father stuff imo, and is a big reason that i think there's so much discourse around nesta/feyre/mor/elain/amren -- and further with minor characters like viviane, vassa, the mortal queens, amarantha, ianthe, and even loa).

[fadingstudentbananacookie]

"it seems the story is mad that Tamlin doesn’t act like Feyre’s father (I would also love to elaborate on that)." Please do!

Hey anon!!!

to me, because of the age-gap between feyre, tamlin, and rhysand, the story can never fully see feyre as their equal, neither does the fandom. rhysand and tamlin are expected to do the majority of the emotional and physical labor in these relationships--we are not conditioned to see them as two pairs of equals with complicated emotions. so - they take on paternalistic roles.

the story seems to hold this paternalistic view of tamlin. tamlin's failure as a partner seems to echo papa archeron's. both are men in the story who 'fail' to 'protect' feyre. these protection(s) also seem to mirror one another: papa archeron doesn't teach feyre how to read, he doesn't feed feyre, and he fails to 'protect' feyre from tamlin. tamlin's failure are similar: he doesn't 'stop' feyre from dying, he doesn't 'feed' her, he doesn't 'teach' her how to read. in short - tamlin isn't her father in the 'right' way. more emphasis is put on tamlin's failure to notice feyre's issues, than feyre's navigation of those issues. so - although both of them have undergone extreme amounts of trauma, the emotional labor is on tamlin. with rhys - its simply expected that he push his own trauma aside to accommodate feyre...and he does. he rarely has outward, negative signs, and when he does, they are not acknowledged. the story doesn't care. it doesn't care to explore the trauma in a meaningful way.

the problem ends up being the obvious...tamlin and rhysand are not feyre's father. they don't owe feyre their lives, their livelihoods, their anything. but the story treats it that way. feyre goes utm, against tamlin's directions, but she's angry that once she gets down there....tamlin's warnings hold true. he cannot help her. the paternalistic reading demands that tamlin's action. his regard for his own pain, autonomy, and suffering come second fiddle to feyre. he is supposed to sacrifice himself, as parents are supposed to sacrifice themselves for their children (see: papa archeron's death). and this expectation is seared into sjm's other works, probably even more so. look at how parents are usually charcaterized (spoiler: they die, they sacrifice, they suffer for their children).

and the story exacerbates this by putting feyre at such a disadvantage: she has never truly been socialized, she CANNOT read, she can't cook, etc., so much has to be taught to her by virtue of her position. she has to rely on either rhys or tamlin to...tell her how to do these things. and the story tries to circumvent this by making feyre 'sexually liberated' (i.e. she isn't a virgin), but it literally does the exact same thing by putting feyre at the mercy of these men. like yeah...feyre has had sex...but she can't do some of the most basic human functions. it takes rhys to like....convince feyre she needs to learn how to read, not...yknow... the near death experience.

this stilted position puts both tamlin and rhysand in a tough spot. they can never truly hold feyre accountable for anything because she simply...doesn't know. rhysand can't have negative coping mechanisms because he has to be emotionally available for feyre. his actions utm become recontextualized as moments of sacrifice for feyre. he can't possibly be bitter, angry, or sad. he couldn't have possibly just...not have liked feyre at the moment, or done those things out of jealousy or rage. they become reinvented as moments of love. rhysand can never be a character because feyre's just at such a disadvantage. she'd always...be the victim.  i believe that -- if you really look at the actions, the catalyst for the actions, rhysand does a lot of the heavy lifting in his relationship with feyre. even when feyre is mean, negative, or outright wrong -- rhysand talks to her like a father consoling his petulant daughter (see: the fey/mor argument scene). he doesn't critique feyre -- he just justifies the behavior (see: the high lords meeting). you can tell the narrative is uncomfortable with the idea that rhysand might lash out, be angry, talk to feyre like an adult who is of equal standing. and this wouldn't be a problem is the story hadn't made feyre NINETEEN. they look like dickheads either way, yknow?