#I feel like the internet changed in a wrong way when people stopped being talkative and active

[zharizard666]

howdy

[outsideratheart]

You Should Have Told Me (Alexia Putellas x reader)

Being away from Alexia was never easy. In fact it got harder as time went on. Luckily for you it didn’t happen often, only really when you went back to Australia whether it be for national team camp or to be with family. This time was the latter.

Like always, you and Alexia spoke to each other and found a way for it to work with the time difference. You were getting into bed and tried calling Alexia but she didn’t answer. You thought she might be busy so you text her and wait for a respond only one doesn’t come.

When you wake up the next morning you find the reason for her radio silence. A tweet which makes you feel sick.

Alexia Putellas will undergo arthroscopy surgery on 27th December.

You are filled with worry but you are also mad at your girlfriend. Why on earth were you finding this out in the internet and not by the woman herself.

Despite your mixed emotions you find yourself on a flight back to Barcelona after a length apology to your family. Funnily enough they knew it was coming as soon as they saw the news. They had only met Alexia once but the love you had for her was evident. They saw it on your face every time her name popped up on your phone.

It was the 27th by the time you arrived home or to your other home. Everyone was well aware of your relationship with Alexia so the nurses didn’t question it when you arrived at the hospital asking for her whereabouts.

“Y/N” Alba greets you with a warm hug “Alexia didn’t tell us you were coming”

“Clearly Alexia is going through a not telling people stuff phase”

Alba swallowed deeply. Your annoyance was clear and if that wasn’t a telling sign, you calling her sister by her full name was.

“Y/N I didn’t—“ Eli joins the two of you in the hall but stops talking mid sentence when she sees her youngest daughter shaking her head.

“I wouldn’t mama”

“She is in there” Eli point the door behind her “she didn’t want—“

Again she was cut off, this time by you.

“Don’t fight her battles Eli. She knew what she was doing. Feliz Navidad by way” you kiss both women on the cheek.

The two of them watch you enter Alexia’s room.

“You two need a lesson in manners. You know it’s rude to interrupt people” Eli says to Alba given that you are in the hospital room.

You get a sick sense of deja vu when you enter the room Alexia’s in. The same happened last summer and you stayed by her side for the entire thing. It’s why now didn’t make sense. You looked up the surgery, it was minor. Why didn’t she want you here now but happily had you with her then.

Alexia pays no attention to you when you enter and although she is there physically you can tell her mind is far away.

“I know I’m not your emergency contact but I would of thought being your girlfriend earned me a call or at least a text”

This got her attention. It was a good job she was already at the hospital because the speed in which she turned her head could have given her whiplash.

“Mi amorcito”

“Alexia”

Her faces changed at this. You could almost see her wince at the formalness.

“I deserve that” she knows she did wrong by not telling you. Still, she pats the space next to her hoping that you’ll join her on the bed.

She watches each step you take, you get closer to her but stop at the foot of her bed.

“What? I don’t get a hug? I am in the hospital” she tries to get you to crack a smile but fails miserably.

“Repeat those last 4 words”

“I am in the hospital” she is slightly confused because you clearly heard her.

“We have been through a lot together Alexia. Yesterday you told me everything was fine, the medics had given you a green light and that you were packing for the trip. You lied”

“Y/N I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just wanted —“

“Miss Putellas it’s time” one of her doctors come in.

“Give me a minute” Alexia doesn’t ask, she demands “I’m in the middle of something”

“No. Take her. We’re done here”

At first Alexia panics. What did you mean by we’re done here. It sounded almost like a break up but before you leave you walk over and kiss her temple. It was a small sign that you were not breaking up with her.

Her eyes remain on you as you walk out the door. Her mother steps in her eye line and Alexia recognises the look on her face; she is in trouble.

“You didn’t tell her, idiota!” Alba appears from behind their mother.

“Alba not now”

“No Mija, she’s right. When you wake up you need to fix this. That girl is the best thing to happen to you and you know that you should have told her. Alexia, she is your girlfriend she had a right to now”

“Por Dios! I know I messed up. I thought I was doing the right thing”

Alexia truly did think that. You had been with her to every physio appointment since the champions league game. You hadn’t been back in Australia long when the decision was made for her to get surgery. You had played the most minutes this season so far and for the sake of your own health you needed to rest, to recover.

She wanted you with her and truth is she needed you with her but she sacrificed that solace for you.

The surgery took two hours which is within the predicted time or least that’s what Google told Alexia when she looked it up. She woke up and saw two woman, neither of them the one she wanted to see.

“She left, didn’t she?” Alexia looked defeated as she came to.

“She did” Alba replied with a wicked grin on her face.

“But then she came back” Eli told the whole truth.

Alexia watched as her mum and sister stepped aside revealing you curled up on the chair fast asleep.

“I think the jet lag must have caught up with her. I saw the girl drink three double espressos but even they couldn’t help fight the urge to sleep” Eli explained.

Your girlfriend knew the battle all too well. She saw the way the time difference affected you when you travelled for international camp. Sleep always won in the end.

“Do you think she’ll forgive me?” Alexia asks her mother specifically only to earn a response from her sister.

“Of course she will. Y/N loves you and I’m talking the type of love dad had for mama. I think you’re stupid for not telling her but knowing you, you probably thought you were doing the right thing”

“No, she was being stupid” your raspy voice gained the attention of all three Putellas women.

“I was and I’m sorry”

You and Alexia were given some privacy.

“I am sorry Y/N, I didn’t mean to hurt you”

“What did you think would happen? I found out my girlfriend would be having surgery on twitter. Strangers found out the same time as me”

“I wanted you here with me but you needed to be with your family“

“I needed to be with you. I love you and nobody comes above you Ale.”

“But you were supposed to be in Australia. You had plans to spend new year in Sydney. It had been planned all year”

“You’re wrong Alexia. We were supposed to be in Australia. We had plans to spend new year in Sydney. We planned it together. I don’t care where I am as long as I am with you”

“I should have told you”

“Yes, you should have. Are you able to squeeze up? I’ve had enough of being mad at you”

Alexia knows that she’s strong enough to move and does so happily. She would do anything if it meant having you beside her. It came as no surprise that you were the little spoon in the relationship so Alexia naturally holds you close.

“I’m scared Y/N. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I had the surgery and I put in the work. I was back and now look at me. I’m back at the beginning again”

“No you’re not. This isn’t like it was before. Your knee is stronger now. I called the physio on my way to the airport and he told me everything. The surgery was only an investigation”

“Would you still loved me if I’m not as good as before? If I never win another balón d’Or?”

“Alexia Putellas Segura, what silly questions those are. I loved you long before you won your first and I will love you long after you hang up your boots. I fell for the person, not the player and you’ll do good to remember that”

Alexia took a moment to take in what you had said. Her greatest fear was that you’d leave her but deep down she knew that wouldn’t happen. Your words only reiterated this.

“Did you return the outfit? Nurse Y/N might be needed again”

You jokingly gasped at her suggestion. When you look up you see that her eyes have darkened slightly. She did love you in that criminally short costume.

“I think I have it somewhere” you cup her cheek and Alexia leans into your touch.

[dreamescapeswriting]

Beyond Apperances ~ LF

WORD COUNT: 1.7K

GENRE: established relationships, comfort fic, Felix comforting reader who is feeling a little insecure, mentions of feeling ugly,

PAIRING: Felix X Fem!Reader

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - February 2024

⤜MASTERLIST

In the serene atmosphere of the University library, you find yourself nested among rows and rows of bookshelves scrolling through your phone trying not to let the tears you were holding back go.

Lately, there have been some dumb trends going around on the internet of transformation videos of people going from "ugly" to "gorgeous", from "ugly duckling" to "swan" and your phone was being bombarded with them. Which wouldn't be an issue if it wasn't making you feel so shitty or it. There was one common theme in all of the transformations you were being shown and that was-

Glasses coming off, and their hair being down or styled a different way and instantly your heart sunk every time you watched someone transform like that. The first part of the videos was how you dressed, glasses were always perched on your nose, and your hair was always styled in an updo, not because it was easy but it was because you'd always been comfortable that way. That and it always seemed to frame your face better if you wore your hair that way, something you had always seen as beautiful to you but now you weren't so sure.

The longer you scrolled through the trend the more you began to wish you could see yourself through the lens of the transformations, to shed your glasses and change your hair just so you could be seen as conventionally beautiful. But every time you'd tried to picture yourself like that, you felt guilt and betrayal toward your own identity. 

Sighing to yourself you put your phone down on the table and laid your head down on your book, you needed time away from social media and everything about that dumb trend.

"I bought us both hot chocolates, I also got us some baked goods and a packet of sweets because I figured we would...need..." Felix's voice trailed to a stop as he found you sitting with your head on your book.

"Yn are you okay?" He sat down across from you, the two of you were supposed to be working on a project together but he could already sense that something was wrong and he was going to do anything to make it better.

"I'm fine," You lied, lifting your head up and carefully taking the hot chocolate your boyfriend had gotten for you. Felix narrowed his eyes at you, he knew you were lying but he didn't want to push you too hard when he knew you would come to him when the timing was right. 

"Okay, well. I highlighted everything I thought was important to the presentation, I think if we can add in a little flare we can win over our professor," Felix continued to talk about the presentation the two of you were supposed to be working on but your eyes had travelled behind him when you saw Kathrine Webber.

She was one of the prettiest girls in the school and she'd been one of the ones to bring the trend to life you couldn't help but feel jealous of her as you watched her closely. Her long black hair was curled and styled down her chest, she wore light makeup and looked as though she'd stepped right off the pages of a magazine.

"Yn...Are you listening?" Felix asked, snapping your attention back to him as you swallowed the nervous lump in your throat,

"Actually, I think I just need some fresh air," You said, your voice coming out a tad shaky.

"But-"

"I'm not feeling great, I'll work on the project at home," Without even giving Felix a chance to say anything you got up, dragging your bag and practically sprinting out of the library so fast you'd left behind a cloud of smoke. But you couldn't stay there, there was no way you were able to do it not with everything going on in your head.

As you walked home you couldn't help your mind going back to the videos you'd been seeing and feeling the doubt creep back over you. You hadn't been insecure about your glasses since you were in primary school when all the kids teased you for it.

Your glasses had been a constant companion since you were a child, a necessity since you'd been born with nearsightedness and you'd grown accustomed to them over the years. But you couldn't shake off the nagging feeling that they were now, somehow, detracted from your beauty. Was it really that awful to wear glasses?

In this day and age everything was accepted and thought of as beautiful so why was this trend so damn popular. Inadequacy began to gnaw at you from the inside, doubts flooded your mind as you thought back on the videos. Would Felix love you more if you suddenly wore your hair differently or took off your glasses? Would you finally get seen as "beautiful" in the eyes of society? 

As you lay in bed that night, your thoughts began to swirl deeper with insecurities and you couldn't help but wonder if you were ever able to see yourself as beautiful.

Anxiety bloomed inside of your chest as you walked through the halls of your university and you could have sworn people were beginning to stare at you which made you more nervous about what you'd done.

All weekend you'd spent your time getting ready to transform yourself, you'd invested in some contact lenses, gotten your hair done and you had felt confident until people were staring at you. The was now doubt nagging at you as you walked through the halls, was this who you were supposed to be?

Completely lost in your thoughts, you barely even noticed as Alex walked toward you, 

"Whoa." He breathed, his voice filled with genuine admiration as you smiled at him, your cheeks beginning to burn.

"You look...incredible," You'd been hoping for his approval but the intensity of his reaction was taking you by surprise. Was this what he wanted you to look like?

"Thanks...I wanted to try something different, to see if I could change." You admit, your voice barely coming out above a whisper. Felix stepped closer, his gaze never wavering from yours,

"You look so beautiful," A pang of uneasiness filled you, and tears began to build up as you stared at him. This whole thing had been a mistake and you suddenly felt sick,

"Do you prefer me like this?" Your voice broke as you stared at him, waiting for him to say something but he was completely taken aback as he stared at you,

"What?" He chuckled nervously, Wondering what you were talking about.

"With my hair different and my glasses gone...Do I look better?" He could see the way your mind was ticking and he shook his head at you,

"Yn." He started but you shook your head, stuttering a little as you took a step back from him. Suddenly it felt as though the walls were closing in on you and you needed to get out of there, to go home and change again.

"I have to go," You whispered, taking off but this time Felix was behind you, running after you as you hid in the library. 

Slowly Felix walked up at you, you were staring up at the ceiling trying not to let the tears flow freely.

"Yn..." He trailed off, his hand gently rubbing your back as you sniffled a little.

"Tell me what's going on baby, or I can't help," You nodded a little, swallowing the lump that was in your throat. You hesitated for a moment before pouring out everything you'd been thinking about to Felix - your insecurities about your appearance, the longer to see yourself as beautiful without conforming to society's standards and your fear that you'd never measure up to images you saw online.

Felix listened intently the whole time, his heart breaking at the sight of you being so vulnerable, he reached out gently and wiped the tear off your cheek.

"Yn, look at me." He said,his voice stern but soft all at the same time.

"You're beautiful just the way you are...Your intelligence, your kindness your strength- those are things that make you truly stunning," He breathed out as you stared at him.

"But what about my glasses? My hair?" You mumbled a little, your head looking down at the floor until Felix tilted you back to look at him,

"Your glasses are a part of who you are, just like your hair being styled up. They're not something you should hide or even be ashamed of...They're part of what makes you unique and what makes you, you." He smiled warmly at you, your chest squeezing tightly as you felt peace settling over you.

"You're beautiful now but you're even more beautiful than before," He smiled at you, reaching into his bag and finding the spare pair of glasses he kept around for you.

"I have your spares if you wanna change the contacts," He offered your head slowly nodding as you carefully took out the contacts that had been irritating you all morning.

"They're annoying anyway," You mumbled, throwing them into a nearby bin and putting on your glasses again, earning a giant grin from your boyfriend.

At that moment you felt a weight lift off your shoulders, Felix wrapped his arms around you bringing you into a tight embrace. 

"You know you can be anything you want to be, but Yn...Never forget you're already perfect just the way you are..." He smiled at you, kissing your temple softly.

"Beauty isn't defined by appearance, it's defined by the kindness in your heart, the intelligence in your mind and the love you give to everyone," Your eyes shimmered with unshed tears as you gazed up at Felix, your arms wrapping around him tightly.

"Thank you...For always seeing me, loving me and seeing me for who I am." You sniffled as he kissed the top of your head.

"I love you," He told you, looking up at the clock and smirking.

"How about we skip and just go get snacks...We can watch cheesy films all day." He suggested as you snuggled closer to him,

"Sounds perfect to me." You breathed out, the two of you walking out of the library and in the direction of the exit.

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[iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning]

this whole entire situation is absolutely fucking disgusting. there is a clear difference between using s*xual ass*ult as a kink and writing dark romance. if you can’t see the difference, then you need to get off the internet because YOU are the ones creating this toxic environment.

this whole situation stemmed from a writer on this website using s*xual ass*ult as part of a friends to lovers fic. not only did she not use tags or warnings to give people the chance to choose not to read it (because it could very easily have triggered someone else’s trauma) but then she doubled down on it after being initially politely and privately called out on it. she blocked everyone who tried to talk to her about it, changed the writing in the fic without ever acknowledging it, and finally decided to deactivate her account and make a new one thinking that she was going to escape the backlash she was getting (she’s now @elendraliege for anyone wondering)

there are people backing, defending, and supporting her when what she did was unequivocally WRONG. using s*xual ass*ult as a fetish in itself is WRONG. writing and using a scenario that could very much be someone else’s exact trauma story is WRONG. not putting a trigger warning at the beginning and taking away someone’s choice to not read it is WRONG. and if you think differently, you need to reevaluate your morals because there is no situation where that is okay.

now i do understand that some people who have experienced s*xual ass*ult use writing as a way to take their power and control back and that is completely completely valid. however, i do think that if you choose to post that, you still need to put trigger warnings out of respect for everyone else’s trauma and i don’t feel like that’s an unreasonable thing to expect.

i also think its important for people to understand that while writing fanfic about a real person is normal and a lot of people enjoy it AND NONE OF THE BOYS HAVE STATED THAT THEY DON’T LIKE IT OR THAT ITS THE REASON THAT NOAH LEFT SOCIAL MEDIA, writing these kinds of fics about them can be dangerous and very damaging to their reputations, as a lot of people don’t understand what the word fiction means; thus why there should be some kind of statement that clearly specifies that it is not a real scenario in addition to the trigger warnings.

this divide between the whole fandom on this website should not exist, nor should this situation because that fic should never have existed in the first place. y’all gotta stop with the baseless hate because the only thing it does is make you look bad. bullying those who speak out against actions that are, again, unequivocally wrong is immature and heartless. supporting someone who writes fics like the one that started this mess proves that you have no regard or respect for someone else’s trauma and it makes you a vile human being. hiding behind a screen and using the anon shield to harass someone in any situation is despicable and only proves how miserable you must be in your own life that you feel the need to make others just as miserable as you.

anyone who disagrees can block me and if you want to send me messages or start bullying me too, don’t be a coward and hide behind the anon filter. say it with your whole chest or don’t say anything at all. *update: you no longer have the choice to use anon because i disabled it so if you want to say something to me now, you have to do it without hiding yourself :)*

oh and also i mean this genuinely sincerely from the absolute bottom of my heart

fuck all of you for bullying my favorite blogs off of this website.

[imaginehappyhavoc]

Hi could i requesst ssome headcanonss of the thh boyss with a sselectively mute reader? Thankss!

A/N: Our first official ask! As a person who also struggles with selective mutism, this ask made me smile ˶ᵔᴗᵔ˶

Pairing: Thh boys x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: N/A

Makoto Naegi:

♡ Makoto is a very understanding and patient person by nature, so it didn’t take him long to adjust to your selective mutism.

♡ He didn’t know what it was at first, and he was confused as to why you would suddenly stop talking for hours or even days at a time. Not angry, mind you, just confused.

♡ He tentatively asked you about it when he was sure you were feeling up to responding, and he was so very respectful about it.

♡ After you took the time to patiently explain selective mutism to him, the two of you were immediately on the same page.

♡ He finds himself on the internet often, idly looking through posts made by people with the same problem, hoping to understand better.

♡ Now, once he realizes you’re not responding, he just switches casually to yes or no questions.

♡ He also offers more physical contact in these moments. He’ll squeeze your shoulder or tug gently on your sleeve as a nonverbal way of showing his support.

♡ It’s a barely noticeable change, but you can tell how much he cares for you in every small gesture.

Byakuya Togami (Platonic):

♡ To be completely honest, Byakuya thought you were being petty at first.

♡ He’s aware that he can be tactless at times, and he has a tendency to say things that come across as insensitive, but he really thought the “silent treatment” was a bit childish.

♡ His annoyance started to waver when he noticed you would still smile at him, even when you wouldn’t speak.

♡ Then, he noticed that it was everyone that was getting this treatment, and not just him.

♡ He came to the conclusion that you weren’t attempting some sort of petty revenge, but just didn’t like to talk sometimes.

♡ He supposed he could understand that. He himself found talking to others to be exhausting, at times.

♡ He immediately relaxed around you, a barely noticeable drop in his shoulders telling you that he was no longer tense.

♡ He hasn’t exactly changed any of his behavior regarding your nonverbal bouts, aside from the fact that he no longer scoffs and rolls his eyes when you don’t respond to him.

♡ Still, the air around you two seemed to be rid of tension all at once, and you settled into a peaceful rhythm with one another.

Yasuhiro Hagakure:

♡ If we’re being completely honest, Yasuhiro didn’t notice.

♡ He kinda just thought you liked to spend quality time fully chilled out. He could get behind that.

♡ So when you went quiet when hanging out with him, he went quiet too. Just vibing.

♡ You, however, misread this. You thought he was angry with you for “not trying” to be social, and that was why he stopped talking when you did.

♡ When you finally worked up the courage to apologize, and explain yourself, Hiro just blinked at you.

♡ He just sort of goes: “… oh! Dude, I thought you were just chilling! Like, thanks for telling me, but I was having a good time. You don’t gotta apologize for that!”

♡ And, honestly, nothing actually changes after that.

♡ Now that you knew he was perfectly fine with hanging out in silence with you, the only thing that really changed was that you weren’t stressed about it anymore.

♡ The two of you simply lounge in his comfy dorm room, sometimes cuddling, sometimes not. Hiro appreciates the vibe either way.

Leon Kuwata:

♡ The first time you ever went nonverbal around him, he thought you were being funny.

♡ He would poke at you, put his face really close to yours, and try to pry hard enough to get you to “break.”

♡ You cracked a smile at his antics, and he thought he’d won, but then he noticed that you still weren’t talking.

♡ The longer you were silent, the more his smile dropped. He was getting genuinely worried that something was wrong.

♡ He eventually asked you, in an uncharacteristically gentle tone, if you were alright. All you could do was squeeze his hand, and smile reassuringly.

♡ He stayed tense until you finally felt up to speaking again, and explained your selective mutism.

♡ It took him a minute to process, but once he understood, he was committed to being as supportive as humanly possible.

♡ When you two were out with friends, and he noticed that you were retreating in on yourself, he would redirect the conversation to himself. He’d answer questions for you, butt into side conversations that were meant for you, all so you wouldn’t feel nervous about speaking to other people.

♡ He does his absolute best to make you feel comfortable when you’re muted. He doesn’t even care that friends start to think he’s a bit too eager to talk to them. Just as long as you know he’s there for you.

Chihiro Fujisaki:

(Chihiro will be included in both thh boys and girls groups for headcanons, unless specified otherwise)

♡ Chihiro was fully convinced you were mad at them.

♡ It took them maybe two minutes to start tearfully apologizing for whatever they did to upset you, and you panicked.

♡ As much as you wanted to verbally reassure them, you knew you just couldn’t. So, instead, you gestured wildly, shaking your head with wide eyes.

♡ Despite their nerves, Chihiro managed to get the gist of what you were trying to say: They’re good, talking is bad.

♡ After apologizing for apologizing, Chihiro just stayed close to you for a long time. They wrapped their arms around one of yours, and leaned on you to provide some sort of comfort, though they didn’t know if it was more for you or for them.

♡ It wasn’t until everything clicked in their head, that you were simply nonverbal, that they relaxed entirely.

♡ They dutifully took on the role of caretaker, even if you didn’t necessarily need one. They’re always so eager to care for you, protect you, so you just sit back and allow yourself to be pampered.

♡ They make extra sure that you eat, and that you’re drinking enough water. They’ll pool all of their stuffed animals- and yours, if you have any- into one room, and make you a lovely little cuddle pile to let you rest your mind for a while.

♡ Their support is, for all intents and purposes, aggressive. It’s surprising, but not unwelcome.

Mondo Owada:

♡ Like Chihiro, Mondo totally thought you were mad, and he’d done something wrong.

♡ Unlike Chihiro, he sorta shouts his apology at you. His damned nerves always made him too loud and jumpy, after all.

♡ When you’re able to explain, it takes him a while to wrap his head around. It’s not something he’d ever heard about before, but it was you, so it had to be important.

♡ It takes a lot of patience, but he eventually gets it. After that, he’s stuck to you like glue every time you go mute.

♡ He’ll wrap his arm around your shoulders if you’re in public, and give withering stares to anyone who tries to press you to speak.

♡ It’s genuinely impressive, how intense he gets when he’s defending you.

♡ In private, however, he’s much softer. Tactile as he is, he loves to hold you tightly, encouraging you to rest and take it easy.

♡ When he speaks, he does so in such a soft voice it nearly makes you cry. Adoration is poured into every syllable, and it’s almost too much to bear.

Kiyotaka Ishimaru:

♡ Unlike everyone else, Taka knew about your selective mutism the moment the relationship started.

♡ He’s a firm believer in bold simplicity, so the moment you expressed that you wanted to be his partner, he told you everything.

♡ Naturally, he encouraged you to tell him everything as well, as transparency is one of the most important things to him.

♡ When you got to your selective mutism, Taka didn’t know what it meant. But what does he do when he doesn’t know something? He researches!

♡ Hundreds of questions followed. “How often would you say this happens? Are you able to type or write during these episodes? What are some things I could do to ease your mind when you’re nonverbal?” It was like talking to a doctor.

♡ Even after his conversation with you, he wasn’t satisfied with his own knowledge, and he turned to the internet.

♡ He researched and researched, and came out two days later with an arsenal of information and tools at his disposal. It’s… actually a little intimidating.

♡ He even went so far as to make flash cards for you! Little cards with basic sentences and questions on them that you could use to communicate.

♡ No matter what it is you may need or want, Taka gets it for you so fast it’s impressive. If you need something that isn’t on one of your cards, he wastes no time in making a new one for you.

♡ His tendency to bury himself in research and practice is a bit hard to be annoyed by, especially when it’s for you.

Hifumi Yamada (Platonic):

♡ Hifumi put two and two together remarkably fast.

♡ You simply didn’t want to talk. That was fine. After all, you were one of his first friends. Who was he to complain?

♡ He doesn’t ask questions or press you for conversation. He only ever asks if you’re feeling alright, before moving on.

♡ If you’re the type that likes to be talked to when you’re nonverbal, he’ll talk your ear off.

♡ He just has so many ideas running around in his head! He could keep you entertained and engaged for days.

♡ If not, he’s more than happy to sit in silence with you as he works on a project. You make a fantastic body double, he quickly discovers.

♡ Overall, he’s incredibly relaxed about your selective mutism. Unexpectedly, he’s the type to just go with the flow. When it comes to you, at least.

[chillyneon]

I like that the ficto and selfship community has only continued to grow since ye olde days of internet.

I remember that fictosexual wasn't even a major term, so there wasn't much of a way to look for others. Hell I remember getting dogpiled a couple times for using the term because people assumed it was attention seeking. So I couldn't use the term and find any actual results for many years.

We all just kinda stood around thinking we were the only people like this, and maybe there's something severely wrong because no one else feels this way. Hell, even when asking my therapists they thought self shipping sounded like a wonderful thing for me and coping with trauma or stress. So being unable to find others like me was so frustrating because I just wanted to know I wasn't fuckin alone in my passion for fiction.

That was like, 20 years ago, the Internet has exploded since then. And now look, the community has grown so much, selfshipping is more common enough we can actually find content on a tag filled to the brim. We can fucking TALK about self shipping and being ficto and attracted to fictional characters. Hell, just able to say I'm fictosexual feels nicer than it did years back. Is everything perfect for us? No, people can still be douches and say mean things, but we have far more folks doing their best to spread the fun things about being ficto and self shipping.

It makes me smile that I can type in ficto or selfship and be witness to the gorgeous menagerie of people loving their F/Os or folks saying their fav things about self shipping. To see people going feral over their loves and gushing about every detail. Seeing folks finding themselves and exploring their ficto feelings, seeing people create things because they love their F/Os so goddamn much. It just makes me happy to see it. Things aren't perfect, but I'm glad we're all able to find that we're not alone.

You're not alone or weird for loving fictional characters, there's plenty more of us out there and you don't have to stop when you get older. It's not just a phase for many, it's how we are and how we love and you don't have to grow out of it. I'm in my goddamn 30s and the only thing that's changed about my selfshipping is I got even more F/Os to love from the past few decades.

It's just nice to be ficto knowing others are also out their loving and selfshipping with fictional favs. <333333

[caparrucia]

Here's one of those uncomfortable tidbits that no one wants to think about and which people in cozy internet bubbles hate being reminded of:

The way you speak about people you dislike/hate is a red flag to people you do like/love.

The way you express anger and frustration and rage about people who wronged you, even people who wronged you badly, in a wider context, is very often a red flag for others around you. Do you let your anger be a justification to use dehumanizing language? Slurs? Are your personal feelings the measure you use to determine who is allowed personhood and who isn't?

This doesn't mean you're not allowed to be angry. This doesn't mean that you're not allowed to express said anger. It doesn't even mean your anger is not justified.

But if you find yourself sitting alone in your corner of rage, wondering why your personal connections tend to wither and fizz out, it probably is because you're constantly talking about people who make you angry and all the things you'd like to do to them. And like, people who first encounter that, might be sympathetic, might be wary, but the more visceral your anger is, the more readily you express it, the more people start wondering what's the threshold to trigger that behavior. Will you be talking about them in that tone too, if they piss you off? Will they be the subject of one of your tirades, if they make a mistake? Are you going to go on a rampage, calling them slurs, if it turns out they don't agree with you?

Anger is, for better or for worse, the kind of emotion you share with close friends, not with strangers trying to become friends, or new friends who don't know you yet. Anger is the kind of thing a good friend will know how to parse. But if it's a new person and all they know about you is how angry you are about something or someone, they will lack the context to understand that your anger is justified and that it's not the entirety of your personality... because you have made it so that's the only part of your personality they've seen.

Discord culture being what it is, it's fascinating how prevalent "vent" channels are, and how people just go in there and scream their rage in search of sympathy. But it tends to back fire, because to get sympathy from strangers, your venting needs to be edited to sound like you're in the right. Your anger needs to be righteous, to evoke support in those vent spaces. And it becomes a cycle.

Cause the thing is, anger isn't always justified or righteous. Sometimes you're BEC about someone! (Bitch Eating Crackers, a shorthand for "this person annoys me to an irrational amount, anything they do is parsed as a negative", "LOOK AT THE BITCH, EATING CRACKERS" etc.) And that's anger that needs to be expressed and processed! But that's the kind of anger that only close friends can handle. If you put that anger out, performing in the hopes of getting support, you're going to need to either lie egregiously about why you're angry, or you're going to alienate a ton of people because it turns out "is capable of irrational anger about things/people" is a pretty common red flag when that's all you know about someone.

Just.

I keep seeing post after post of people bemoaning being lonely and abandoned and failing to establish long-lasting connections and it's just.

It's the anger. You keep greeting people with anger and anger is a great emotion to fuel a lot of things, like change and protection and closing ranks, but it's kinda shit at building long lasting connections. Try curiosity or good will! It doesn't mean you have to stop being angry, either. If you're angry, you're angry! But when you're trying to build relationships, using anger as an all-purpose tool is like trying to hammer a nail with a saw.

[jaeyunluvr]

belong to you

after a long day at work, the least thing you wanted was to hide from your ex high school boyfriend who hasn't left your mind even after years of break up. you tried all the ways possible and existing, to get rid of his drop dead gorgeous face, annoyingly astonishing smile and absolutely knee-weakening eyes, popping up in your head at random times.

it was like he existed within you. all those moments with him sunk through your existence. his laughter, the feeling of lying in his arms and being astrophiles together, running away from nothing in the middle of the night, hand in hand. it was crazy and you blamed it all on love.

but nevertheless, you moved on with your life when he chose to leave you because of the restrictions his company had when he got scouted to train to be a kpop idol. and you understood why he chose his career over you. it was obvious, making a life was important and hence you let him go.

and now, he was just two meters away from you ordering his coffee at this little cafe you were in. the stars aligned in the wrong way, in the wrong timing. you being an astrophile for all those years did nothing to you.

you tried your best to keep your cool and act like you didn't notice him but your thoughts were running at the speed of a few miles per hour, as they brushed past all your memories together.

as he finished ordering his drink, he looked around for a nice place to sit. you had your fingers crossed, you prayed desperately that he wouldn't find you. you simply were not ready to face him, because you simply just never stopped loving him. you moved on with your life, but could not move on from him.

he looked through a few tables and his eyes paused for a moment as he found a familiar face. he was looking at you. his breath kind of paused. he could not believe he was actually looking at you. he was walking towards you, his steps careful for god knows what.

"y/n?" he spoke. you couldn't read his face, you didn't know what he was thinking. but his voice, it made your heart flutter, just like the old days.

"hey, heeseung" you smiled a little. it wasn't forced but it wasn't sure either. he smiled back, pulling the chair across you, making himself comfortable.

"how have you been?"

"great? I guess." All of this still felt surreal. you couldn't ask back the question because you knew. you knew he was doing great being a part of one of the biggest kpop groups, gaining recognition worldwide. he succeeded and you were happy for him.

the tension was too much. heeseung didn't know if he could further ask questions because he didn't know whether you were comfortable talking to him after all these years. deep down he wondered if you still liked him. it kind of seemed stupid for him to even question that because it's been too long and of course you would have moved on.

the situation seemed to sink in through you and you decided you had to face it, face him. you really didn't know how to deal with your feelings towards him, or the way you felt the nostalgia of being with him, but you had no other option.

the air seemed heavy to you until the waiter interrupted the scene, placing heeseung's drink on the table with a smile and then he walked away. heeseung took a sip of his drink and nodded with satisfaction. you noticed it was the same drink he had ordered when you were together. yis tastes haven't changed.

"it's the same cafe mocha." you muttered but it was loud enough for him to hear.

"oh yes." he smiled. "but yours changed. it's not cappuccino anymore."

"things change, i guess."

silence fell over you both as each of you took sips of your drinks awkwardly, not knowing what to say.

you broke the ice by saying, "i've seen you on the internet, you're doing pretty good."

"oh yeah, i'm doing good, sort of. it's really hard tho, sometimes. but i chose the path, so i endure it."

"yeah. it's kind of thrilling too, i guess. the fans, the craze, being on stage, making people happy."

"it really is, all of the hard times are worth it."

heeseung was still the same. every little thing about him was the same. it made you want to go back to the times you were together. so badly. it made you want to belong to him, once again. you knew it wasn't possible, you disliked your heart for still feeling this way.

on the other hand, heeseung felt the same. he missed being with you. he missed having ice cream with you after school, he missed your study dates which were just him staring at you most of the time, he missed the way you smiled when you noticed him staring at you, he missed how you held on to his little finger when you guys were in heavy crowds, he missed the way you would immediately gasp and start laughing quite loudly when he startled you with back hugs out of nowhere.

he sighed. "y/n you know that i didn't break up with you because i didn't like you, right? i mean i still could've stayed with you but because i wouldn't be able to give our relationship my best when i was prepari-"

"i know, heeseung. i know. i understand. it was quite difficult for me too, it was the worst to be honest. but i knew why you did it and that's why i never blamed you. it was fair. and well it's not like i can help myself with those feelings that are still left for you in my heart, but i support you with your choices."

heeseung was surprised to hear that. you still had feelings left for him. you still liked him. loved him even. the emotions he felt were unclear. he felt shocked? surprised? he didn't know. but one thing was that he surely felt happy to hear those words.

"you still have feelings left for me?"

you wanted to tell him the truth. it was destiny that you both met like this, and you didn't want to lose your chance.

"yes, hee. i still love you. i don't think it's easy to get over you. you're the only person i've ever loved so bad. i don't think i can feel the same towards anyone else, even after several years passed."

heeseung wanted to be with you so bad, he wanted to be back with you, he wanted to feel at home, safe. and he knew he would never get that with somebody else. everytime he face difficult situations in life, you always had his back. you were like the everlasting hope he had in life.

"i'm... glad. so glad, y/n. I wanted to meet you as soon as possible. after i debuted, i looked for chances to come see you. It was really really difficult for me. even during the trainee days, everytime i had a hard time, i thought of you. just thinking of you gave me comfort. i thought of all the things you've said to me whenever life was against me. it kept me going."

you were so so happy to hear those words coming from him. just the thought of being his comfort, even with physical absence, and the fact that he kept thinking about you even after years of break up. you felt really really happy.

heeseung sighed as he smiled at you. he has said everything he wanted to say to you, he was late but he did. he felt relieved.

"anyways, what i wanted to say is, i want us to try again y/n. i want you to be my girl, once again. i want to give us another chance, i want to give myself another chance, another lucky chance to belong to you."

you didn't have to think twice. you felt the sincerity in his words. his eyes, which were full of love and longing, said much more than his words did.

you sighed deeply, chuckling at yourself.

"yes, yes i will be yours heeseung, again. and i hope this works out for us. i wouldn't want to lose you to anything again. i love you."

"i love you too. literally so damn much."

[henry-fox-biggest-stan]

Okay so I need people are who are diagnosed as autistic to help me out here

I been suspecting for a long time (like around a year, maybe more idk) than I might be autistic, and I did research (genuinely, not just taking some Internet quiz and self-diagnosing based on it) and I want to know if there’s a genuine chance I might be autistic, or if I have a wrong view on autism (basically, if I’m wrong about it and what it means to be autistic).

Some things than happen to me than I’ve seen also happen to a big amount of autistic people

-Problems with food since very little. Not based on taste, but texture. Eating something with the wrong texture is just horrible.

-Always felt different from my peers, never quite fitting in because I didn’t know how to interact with them. As if they knew exactly what to do and I was just flying blind. I heard people say than they felt as if everyone was born with a book of rules, meanwhile they had to learn from watching everyone else already know them, and I think that’s the best way for me to explain it.

-Intense interests on stuff, really intense. Like, is all I can think about day and night, I relate everything to it in some way or another, I know everything about it down to the smallest detail, some might call me obsessed and I wouldn’t deny it. Reminds me of the way people with autism describe their hiperfixations.

-People thought I was “gifted” as a kid, and said than I was a kid with the mind of an adult. I’m no genius, I was just interested on different stuff than other kids. I was the first one to learn to read and I never stopped. I basically lived in the library as a kid. I have a vivid memory of when I must have been like 10 and saying than my favorite thing in the world was reading and some friends looking at me like I was crazy. I’m mentioning this not because people who are autistic are “gifted”, but more because I heard they are usually interested in different stuff than their peers (doesn’t have to be more mature, it can be more immature stuff too, I think. Goes hand in hand with feeling different from everyone). Continuing on books, I also always had a higher reading level than the rest of my class. I was “a pleasure to have in class but should speak out more” kid.

-Looking back they were obviously bullying me, but I thought than they were laughing with me, not at me.

-I can’t hear the tone of my voice?? For some reason?? Sometimes I speak too loudly or too quietly or my mom says I’m being rude for “talking back” but in my head my voice is the same level and uses the same tone. So if I’m ever rude I probably don’t notice (I hate being rude to people).

-I read about overstimulation and under stimulation and it perfectly described the way I feel a lot of time. Specially overstimulation.

-If talking about something I really enjoy (hiperfixations?) I can’t be still. I’ll probably smile and fidget with something and the mere mention of it or anything regarding it outside of online spaces makes me want to scream out of excitement. Like, a really abnormal reaction to it, I believe.

-I prefer to be home on my own than outside (specially if there’s lots of people around). I don’t know if it’s hard for me to see how people are feelings, given than I learnt to notice when people don’t want me somewhere (eventually you get used to it) but sometimes when people are being nice to me I’m completely unable to see if they’re being genuine or not. An example, I was forced to spend a week sharing a room with this pair of really popular girls because of a school trip, and they were nice to me, starting conversations and stuff. So because they seemed nice, I thought they were nice. But at the end of the week I approached them and they gave me the dirtiest look and I realize they weren’t actually being genuine, they were just kind of being forced to be nice to me.

-I hate changes of routine, everyday I have the same routine and if someone wants it to change (go somewhere and do something together) they have to tell me at least a day in advance. Unless I really like them, I will feel uneasy to change my routine because it makes me feel as if I was messing everything up.

-I don’t know if it has anything to do with this, but I’m adding it just in case. I hated physical touch as a kid. Up until some years ago, I couldn’t stand it. Also don’t know if it’s related, but I always had trouble sleeping, I heard that might be a symptom but I don’t know.

-I went to a speech therapist as a kid because I couldn’t pronounce the letter s and I pronounced it as z, sometimes it still comes out. I heard problems in speech might be related but I doubt it, just adding just in case.

-I have a big sense of justice. For example everyone in my class cheats on their exams (they don’t even hide it, is more, they brag about it), and that has always upset me. Not because they can copy while I actually study, but because cheating is wrong. That’s not how it works. Why are they breaking the rules. Or for example they bring their phones to school (not nearly as bad as cheating) which is forbidden, and I don’t understand why they do that. It’s forbidden, so why?

-I notice patterns in almost everything, I also focus more on the little details than the big picture, which leads to both overthinking but also better results.

-I need people to speak to me separately. Having a conversation with two people at the same time feels like a nightmare.

-I need people to tell me things, if they want me to do them. If you made something for me to eat, don’t just put it on the table, tell me it’s for me. Otherwise I won’t touch it out of fear it’s not mine. When given instructions, I need them to be clear and detailed. All people my age are doing stuff like going to parties, drinking alcohol, meanwhile I never think of doing it and also, never knew I could do it? When did the change between going to the park to hang out without our parents for the first time and going to a party with alcohol around lots of strangers happened? Why did no one told me? How does everyone just know when to change and grow up? Why don’t I?

-Something I also noticed is than every fictional character I related to had various autism symptoms (said by people on the fandoms who are actually autistic).

[charyou-tree]

I'm trying to hype myself up to come out to my parents as trans tomorrow. I'm planning on sending them a long letter I've been working on composing explaining the situation via email , with a text to prompt them to read it. I want to give everyone involved some time to formulate their thoughts before we talk.

I'm traveling home for 4th of july and although I haven't medically transitioned I really don't want to grow my beard back out, and I'd prefer not to lie and deflect about why I suddenly shaved. I'm probably overthinking it, but I just hate feeling like I'm keeping secrets from the important people in my life, and quite honestly I don't want to keep pretending to be a guy when I can safely get away with it. I've been agonizing over whether I was trans for years now, I want to stop hesitating and enjoy being a girl. And if I'm going to come out to them, I don't want to show up the day before a big family party and surprise them with a huge life event and have everybody have to process that on the spot as guests are arriving. I'd rather tell them sooner so that everyone has a few weeks to get used to the idea of me being a girl before I visit.

I'm fortunate, I'm 99% sure they'll accept me as Claire. I've already come out to them as Bi, as has my wife, and they've been cool with my trans and nonbinary friends. My folks were understanding when one of my cousins was struggling with their gender.

That only makes it so much less scary to explain to your parents that their idea of their child is wrong in a fundamental way, not to mention the danger that identity puts them in.

And more than just that, I feel like telling my family makes it real. Like, if I were to entertain the trans impostor syndrome in my head and decide that this was all a big mistake and un-come-out to my friends it would be a bit embarrassing, but ultimately nothing about my life would change in any meaningful way. But once my family and wider social circle knows a lot of people will see me fundamentally differently forever, no matter what I do. Once I share this secret I can't go back to comfortably pretending to be a guy even if I should want to. Now being trans isn't just a fun roleplay that I do for my internet friends (and a tiny circle of IRL friends), now its my actual fulltime identity. Its a scary but necessary step.

I know I won't regret doing it, but the minutes between sending them that email and getting a call back will be some of the longest in my life. I've been stressing about it all week, I need to get this over with.

[youryurigoddess]

The stuff dreams are made of, or the interesting case of Anthony J. Crowley

We’ve talked a bit about Crowley’s trauma and his way of reclaiming the narrative in the past, but it’s time for some deep dive into the story he’s trying to tell. A story that meanders through the fabric of time and space, slightly changing with the human fashion trends, but slowly and surely bringing the demon closer to a certain angel like the red thread of fate.

1793

Some stories start in a garden, some even Before the Beginning, but this one starts with an Arrangement. Or, to be precise, a little bit after that.

See, most of the iterations of Crowley we saw throughout the history until then didn’t delve too deep into human cultural tropes. If anything, they were the inspirations behind more or less prominent biblical figures, maybe some nameless villains matching his demonic provenance and role assigned to him by his employers.

But in the hustle and bustle of the revolutionary Paris, Crowley emerges as a prototype of the Scarlet Pimpernel — a chivalrous Englishman who rescues aristocrats before they are sent to the guillotine. Stan Lee famously called him “the first character who could be called a superhero”.

Sir Percy Blakeney, the main character of the novel and the West End play under the same title, leads a double life. Appearing as nothing more than a wealthy fop, in reality he’s a formidable swordsman, a quick-thinking master of disguise and an escape artist. Even his own wife, Marguerite, has no idea.

Unfortunately Marguerite is being blackmailed with her brother’s life to find and expose the wanted Pimpernel. She regrets betraying her husband the moment she's forced to do it and spends the rest of the plot working to save him. She does, they make up, and return together to England.

In Aziraphale and Crowley’s case there was just a short stop for crêpes. But what seems to be an inspiration of a specific scene might as well come up later in the wider perspective of the show, so keep in mind those fragments of the musical’s libretto:

We all are caught in the middle

of one long treacherous riddle.

Can I trust you?

Should you trust me too?...

We shamble on through this hell

taking on more secrets to sell

'til there comes a day

when we sell our souls away.

We seek him here, we seek him there,

Those Frenchies seek him everywhere!

Is he in heaven? Is he in hell?

Where is that damn elusive Pimpernel!

1941

The London Blitz is when we see a full-fledged iteration of the superhero Crowley performing dashing and heroic deeds under the literal cover of darkness and air bomb smoke. In a bespoke double-breasted suit and a fedora — still free from the unfortunate modern connotations from the internet culture — he’s clearly channeling Humphrey Bogart as a private investigator Sam Spade in The Maltese Falcon (1941) now.

It all starts with a woman and a simple plan gone wrong: Spade’s partner is shot dead, just like the man he was supposed to be tailing upon the request of a mysterious Miss Wonderly. And when a very soft-looking, sweet-scented man named Joel Cairo appears in his office willing to pay a hefty price for a "black figure of a bird", Spade starts not only a new job, but also his own quest for truth.

On the surface, The Maltese Falcon ends happily: the killer gets caught, and the hero winds up with the Falcon. But Spade's victory is completely hollow. The Falcon itself, originally meant as a symbol of loyalty, transforms into a symbol of a corrupting, futile, and self-destructive greed that makes people betray their own loyalties.

The treasure is just a worthless forgery and he’s fallen in love with the criminal — one of the first femmes fatales on screen. Despite his feelings for her and a kiss, Spade gives her up and submits the statuette as evidence, describing it as "the stuff that dreams are made of".

Remember the eagle lectern? The eagle was believed to be flying highest in the sky and therefore closest to heaven, symbolizing the carrying of the word of God to the four corners of the world. Aziraphale in the 1941 church scene is the closest to Heaven we’ve seen him on Earth. Just look at him: dressed in a smart, well-fitted coat with peaked lapels, symbolizing his Heavenly allegiance, and doing good this time not as a work assignment, but of his own accord. Being the closest to Heaven means the furthest and most unattainable for a demon like Crowley.

The Maltese Falcon is a metaphor for unattainability — things out of reach to desire and fight for, although never truly possess. It’s “the stuff that dreams are made of”. But Crowley secured the original — made of gold and encrusted with jewels, but hiding its real value under black enamel — eerily reminiscent of the demon himself and the unending kindness behind his inappropriately tight black clothing.

Quoting Michael Ralph — the production mastermind behind Good Omens — from the S01E04 “Saturday Morning Funtime” DVD commentary, “We wanted to tip our hat to the Maltese Falcon as being a precious object that no-one thought really exists but it does”. So we can safely assume that Crowley can and will achieve his dream in the future.

1967

Do you know what else happens in 1941 in Scotland? Ian Fleming, a British naval intelligence agent, meets with the famous occultist Aleister Crowley and asks him to lead the interrogation of newly imprisoned Rudolf Hess — a leading member of the Nazi Party in Nazi Germany appointed Deputy Führer — given the two men’s shared enthusiasm for the occult.

This meeting has a significant impact on Fleming’s work as a writer; Aleister Crowley becomes the inspiration for his first villain Le Chiffre and creates a blueprint for most of the James Bond’s franchise ever since 1953, the publication date of the novel Casino Royale.

Meanwhile our Anthony J. Crowley believes in himself not being the villain he’s usually and sometimes forcefully painted as, but a superhero in disguise. The character of James Bond in particular inspires him so much that he buys petrol to get the limited You Only Live Twice (1967) window decals for his Bentley, dons his own tactical turtleneck, and sets off to organize a heist like no other. Sean Connery style.

Like a typical superhero, Crowley’s once again both saved and betrayed by his love interest. Aziraphale leaves him with a thermos of Holy Water, a faint smile, and a hope that they’ll soon match their speeds to meet halfway at the Ritz. The cancelled heist is not an ending, but a promise of a new beginning. And the fact that UK decriminalizes homosexual acts in the very same year is more than telling in this regard.

2019

An exceptional situation calls for exceptional solutions, and what’s more important than the impending Apocalypse? Demon Crowley does his best to put the arsenal of his 20th century film inspirations to good use.

"Ask yourself, do you feel lucky?" Crowley drawls, clearly imitating (although slightly misquoting) the titular Dirty Harry (1971). He’s hoping to be menacing and making the point of being the one on the right side of the law and history.

Some situations require more than quoting action heroes is not everything though. He knows what to do:

A jeep was heading purposefully towards the gate, and it looked as though it was crowded with people who were about to shout questions and fire guns and not worry about which order they did this in.

[Crowley] brightened up. This was more what you might call his area of competence.

He took his hands out of his pockets and he raised them like Bruce Lee and then he smiled like Lee Van Cleef.

'Ah,' he said, 'here comes transport.'

When in doubt, Crowley acts. He transforms into a combination of a stoic martial arts phenomenon and a sardonic, menacing character. His smile alone — even on Aziraphale’s angelic face, as seen in one of the final cut scenes — seems to be enough to ward off evil spirits, angels, and humans alike.

But we all know that even as breathtaking performances as those can’t protect anyone from the cogs of the Heavenly machine and its plans.

2023

No wonder that Crowley’s tactical turtleneck comes back in style after mere four years of retirement with a self-introduction “Former Demon, hated by Heaven, loathed by Hell. How will our hero cope?”. Something has changed during this time; he’s more mature now, not playing pretend by hiding behind the usual veneer of sarcasm and movie quotes anymore. Finally comfortable with the fact that this is his own story and there’s no need to become anyone else than himself.

The bookshop fire and the Heavenly trial still seem to haunt the demon in a way that makes him realize what all humans know: that every hero is his own biggest enemy. His ultimate dream might effortlessly change into his greatest nightmare any moment now, and the only thing he can do about it is hover in a two-minute distance from the epicenter of his feelings. But Crowley has no time to work on it when a new mission appears, to protect his angel from Gabriel and the combined powers of Heaven and Hell. Even if this — rather ostentatiously — is the last thing he wants to think about at the moment.

Crowley tries to plan ahead, while his story slowly warps into a different genre due to Aziraphale’s interruptions. He eventually changes back into his usual Henley shirt after agreeing to swap places and guarding the bookshop while the angel is off to Edinburgh, collecting more clues. Did he finish his personal quest off-screen? Did he just give up on it in the whirlwind of matchmaking shenanigans? Remains to be seen.

In the S2 finale our master of disguise in yet another turtleneck proves that he can successfully infiltrate even the universe’s back office. We don’t know where he drives off in the end, but one thing is certain — he’s got a plan. And a world (and his dream) to save, like a superhero he is.

[mostlycorrectdipandpip]

Let's talk about dnptwt

Ok, I created this little shit-posting blog to connect with other phannies and get back into this comfy little fandom. Along with this, I started connecting with dnptwt on my main account. I don't like getting involved in drama, especially when it revolves around blatant racisim, homophobia, transphobia, genocide sympathizers, etc, but I feel like it needs to be said here. I am only going to speak on this once, but if you have questions on my experience or just want to call me out, feel free to message or anonymously inbox me, that is your right as I am posting this openly and publicly.

Dnptwt is NOT a safe place. I genuinely believe that the internet is not a safe place. I wish that it was because access to the internet has become so common and widespread. People can connect on so many levels and share their experiences, but EVERYONE can do it. Republican, democrat, gay, straight, conversative, liberal. EVERYONE. But, over the last few months, dnptwt has become so negative and toxic. Every day someone is being called out for their behavior and, many times, the calling out is warranted. They have said or done something that they need to be called out on. It's the aftermath and the snowballing afterwards that has gotten out of hand.

I am a very positive person. I believe that everyone, at anytime in their lives, can learn and grow and change. We are constantly learning new things and having new experiences. When people say something hateful or negative or they participate in something bad or that you don't agree with, you have every right to call them out on it. Point out the hateful and negative behavior, but just because someone does or says something doesn't mean that they are irredeemable. Spitting hateful rhetoric and being hateful towards people is the exact kind of thing that we want to stop and correct. So when you call someone out for something, call them out and see if they take the initiative to learn or change before you start an unyielding bullying campaign against them. You can choose how you react to that person, if you believe them, and if you want to continue to interact with them. That is your right as a social media user. But to start a campaign where you tell everyone that someone is disgusting and irredeemable before giving them a chance to reflect, relearn, and respond is absolutely crazy.

At the end of the day, what I am trying to say is that in order for people to grow, they need to learn. In order for someone to genuinely apologize, they need to learn what they have done wrong and find it in themselves to change, but this isn't something that someone can do overnight. And it isn't something someone can do while they are being attacked from all sides. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to say how they feel and why it makes them feel that way for someone to realize that they have made a mistake.

I'll call myself out for y'all to get what I mean. I grew up in a very conservative household. I grew up in a household that sprayed hateful rhetoric and had terribly homophobic and racist beliefs. It wasn't until someone in middle school called me out for it. It wasn't nice or sugar coated, just a direct interaction. I dealt with some fallout for sure, but over the rest of that year, I took the opportunity to learn and change how I acted, how I talked, and how I spoke to my classmates and I was able to repair alot of burned bridges and become a more well rounded person.

I fear everyday that the hate I used to spread and the negativity I once had will come back to bite me. I would have to answer for those actions, and I would, and I would have to prove to people that I have changed (and I have). But with the kind of environment that dnptwt has become, I would be shunned, shamed, categorized and irredeemable, and tossed to the side without being able to reflect, relearn, and respond.

This environment is unacceptable. And it is something that I will no longer be taking part in. Give people the space to be wrong, to fail, and to make right.

Just getting this out has helped me feel a little bit better, am I am sure that this will end up on dnptwt and I'll get doused in their hate and vitriol, but to stand silent and watch more and more people who just need some time to get educated and learn would have made me feel so bad. I'm taking some time to reflect on my own actions and time spent on twitter, learn about ways that I can better use my time and energy, and will respond again if I feel it necessary, but I think I've said my piece.

[knock-o]

Hi 👋 Can I request a Nagumo has a crush on Male!reader who is always dressed elegantly and brother of Shishiba please ? Sorry to bother you, Good days or good night ☺️

CRUSHING! NAGUMO HCS 🪼

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ko speaks⭐️ : hi anon !!! this is a wlw only acc.. BUTTTT i thought this was a cute dynamic so consider it done!! i don’t usually write male reader so i wrote headcannons ( nd made it gender neutral ) and i hope that’s okay! ( i love love love nagumo.. he might be the one man i write for😉 ) and thank u anon!! loved writing it😍

hcs under the cut!

nagumo, i believe to be on the aromantic spectrum,,, so if he’s into you it’s definitely a journey of self discovery for him

he tends to rub you the wrong way, nagumo’s carefree attitude and his aptitude at annoying people drives you away at first, all he does is talk shit and giggle afterwards 🙄

things between y’all only change during a mission, when he sees you kill a man so clean it’s impressive

even when you’re shishiba’s sibling😭

he wants to know what you’re thinking and how you did what you did ( it’s different because it’s you )

when i tell you this man is stuck he is STUCK. he won’t leave you alone😕 he is bothering you and trying to get to know you better ( he thinks he’s just getting info for later )

“ why do you wear that all the time..? “

“ why do you walk like that ..? “

(he’s like that nonstop yapping cat from saiki k ..��)

nagumo is always around you but you come to tolerate his presence !! doing anything without his yapping makes you feel less.. well something..

so in short you stopped pushing him away, and despite not saying anything about it he notices

you let him touch you, you let him come over to yours , you let him follow you like a creep because it was nice having somebody else with you and not just your brother ( i just know shishiba accidentally intimidated everyone into not speaking 🙏 )

at some point he’s just deluding himself,, he’s never LIKED anyone before so he’s not too sure what’s going on

why he wants to be around you so bad even you aren’t doing anything important ,, why he wants to listen everything you have to say and store it far away ,, why he starts feeling different whenever you’re around

he won’t tell anyone about it either, his art is deception but he won’t risk anyone deceiving him ,, he goes to the internet and he’s sort of pissed when he sees that this might be an attraction to you

he’s an assassin and he KNOWS how much of a liability it is,, so he’s just hanging around for a long time

no labels means no attachment…

that’s until your brother finally comes out and asks why he’s being so weird

“ What’s wrong with him ? “

“ He’s being my boyfriend “

“ Yes, I am😈 “ (that’s exactly how he said it)

it was really that simple😕 , and yes he just agreed .. he’s slow with these things 🤧

TAGLIST : OPEN !!

[xoioel]

QUESTIONS FOR THE UNIVERSE

parings; hinata x 8th member fem! reader

genre; fluff and slight angst??

warnings: none?!

synopsis; you’ve been having your doubts about why you debuted with XG, because you dont have as many talents as the other girls. And plus the age gap, you being a foreign member so the language barriers, it makes you think you need to go on a hiatus to work on yourself..

authors note; hey guys im back from my god knows how long break😭 this is so sweet bc hinata is such a cute patootie

— i speak my mind and don’t think first

It's very difficult being a maknae, especially when you haven't trained as much as the girls. Before the debut and internship only a year passed and boom, debut at 15!

How sometimes you want to stop time and improve yourself, maybe just to restart and try again, if only get closer to their perfection.

It’s so nice to have hinata in the same room, you don’t have to clean it and no one will mind, everyone lives in their own comfort, you can not only laugh with her, but also have a heart-to-heart talk, but sometimes you don’t say a word when returning from the another group photoshoot.

Today is just such a day when everyone, having returned home, scattered to their rooms and went to the shower. having waited your turn, you needed into it. Finally, you can take the weight off your shoulders. People say that the older you get, the less you start to beat yourself up about things, but even after almost two years.

At the age of 16 you start comparing yourself even more. On the way home, you decided to look at your fancam, is that really how you look as you dance. Why are there so many mistakes, but your voice, is it really true? It’s so hard, everyone has their strengths, but what are yours? the comments mostly talk about how cute you are and that's it, but is that really all?

Many tears begin to flow one after another. after standing there for a good 10 minutes, you go back to the room, the light is no longer on, only one lamp near your bed is on, Hinata already seems to be sleeping soundly, turning to the wall, you change into pajamas and go to bed, now you can finally sleep.

But the sobs continue to break out as soon as your head hits the pillow. Your trying to drown it out, as you sit up and start breathing, everything seems to stop.

"Are you okay? what's happened?" Hinata’s voice comes from somewhere on the side, slightly lower than usual and you hear the rustling of comforters, “Sorry, I’m already going to bed” You were about lie down. “I asked what happened to you?” her voice sounds rougher than before.

“I...I just, umm” your hands bury themselves in the hair and head falls to the knees. “come here,” She says nothing more and opens the many blankets, moving back, inviting you to lie with her in it. Doing what she asks, you settle down on her bed, pressing your back to her chest.

Her hands find your hair and begin to stroke and scratch your scalp “well, what’s going on, I noticed in the car that something was wrong”Hina says to you as she continues to play with your hair, “I’m just not sure that I fit in the group, all that they say about me is just how cute I smile or I’m mistaken, how cute my voice trembles, they don’t say that I dance or sing well. It seems to me that I got into the group too early, should I have taken someone else and not me?”

“Stop saying that,” She switches to a whisper, “why are you listening to what they say about you on the Internet? they always divide everyone into beautiful, talented, cute or those who don’t do enough” She breathes loudly, and her hand leaves your hair and squeezes your shoulder.

“You are unique, as unique as we all are, do you think we would have gotten into the group if we weren’t like that? Our group is not just work, we are family and will always support each other, right?”

- nod -

“Then next time, please tell me and the others on how you feel or if you really need just talk to Jurin-chan, if you want to improve your skills, let’s practice together, the main thing is to say, we will definitely cope with everything no matter what happens, okay?”

“Yes, thank you so much Hina unnie, I love you, all of you”.

A long night in the arms of your sister, what could be better and easier, it really helps when family is always nearby.

© xoioel — do not copy or translate my work.

[loveyourlovelysoul]

I think this era of social medias and fast internet connection and communication is only triggering our urgency in receiving (and reacting), making us forget that for some things we need time. Even (and especially) when it comes to relationships.

We try to know the other immediately, to know everything of them and then think we don't have anything else to ask/tell them (but life goes on? stuff happens?). We tend to stop to superficial topics and understanding of the other person, we avoid certain topics fearing they may be judge us or use them against us (we lost trust: but we need to remind ourselves our trust in others is not related to our self worth. We're not responsible of what others do with our vulnerability, nor it changes our worth or we should feel guilty about having trusted the wrong person: we cannot control anything and anyone outside of us and we cannot call ourselves naive if another breaks our trust). We don't talk about negative stuff, about our feelings, our wishes, our favorite stuff, our hobbies, our passions... we don't try to share them much or invite the other to something we enjoy (and vice versa). And this too blocks the interaction on a superficial level and pretty soon as well.

I think we stopped working for our relationships, isolating in a more comfortable way of thinking (actually projecting, even after two superficial chats) "I don't have anything to tell them anymore", "They must be thinking this, doing that, liking this..." instead of asking, and feeling lonely. We kinda stopped being interested in the other and wait for the other to be interested in us and show they care and think about us (out of past trauma okay, but different person won't necessarily think as us or people from our past). And we don't even share about our loneliness... because what if they judged us? But friends, or people we should share a deep connection with, don't judge/criticize us to make us feel bad (if they do, they're not friends and it's probably them projecting on us anyway). They eventually give us suggestions and other povs to make us grow and help us (same thing we can do for them). And anyway we can always have a talk on that, confronting each other's pov and grow from it: even arguments can help us grow together with someone, it's okay if things don't go well/perfectly everyday, it's okay to have bad days, it's okay to not talk everyday... in any type of relationship. It doesn't mean someone will leave us or we need to leave before they do it to us. We need to remember we're two different people and the only thing we can do is communicate. Always. With our heart. Love and friendships are choices we make also withour minds, with our will to try and not give up immediately after the first difficult situation. Together with the other person's will.

So why this huge self sabotage tendencies in relationships? Why we prefer to stay home and feel lonely, resentful to everyone not caring for us and relying on internet for companionship, maybe ending up comparing our life with others' (fake images we see online) and feel even less worthy of love and understanding? Why don't we just change our pov and try to be more open and vulnerable? Maybe even going a little more deep after we get comfortable with the other? Why do we run away (give up?) so fast? We cannot always wait for others to take the first step, we can take the risk too, we can show interest as well (actually, we should or the other will only feel used or uninteresting and lose the will to communicate on the long run). We can accept if someone is busy and we can allow them time too ofc. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't like us. Not everything is about us and our worth. We probably need to re-learn how to slowly water our relationships and care for them as we'd do with a plant: we have to wait and be patient and consistant to get flowers when we start from seeds. We may even deal with aphids as it grows, but we can get rid of them if we take good countermeasures (if we communicate openly and stay vulnerable, find compromise and a good balance with the other: both people need to feel respected, free, understood and cared for).

[enbyleighlines]

I always make the mistake of looking at the comments when I watch compilations of Soren’s cameos in Engage because inevitably, I always come across Those People who are sole-minded in their determination that Ike and Soren are Not Gay and somehow feel the need to argue this in every part of the internet where ikesoren shippers might gather.

And it’s just always an instant mood killer.

It also just… confuses me. Like, okay, I can understand why someone might be adamant that Ike is straight. I think they’re wrong, but I understand the mindset. Ike keeps his emotions close to his chest. He’s stoic and beefy, a stereotypical red-blooded manly man.

I don’t think they’re correct. I think there is plenty of subtext (and like, actual text) that validates the idea that Ike is, at the very least, some shade of queer.

But Soren? I feel like anyone who argues that Soren is straight must be either lying or have no clue what they’re talking about.

For one, the way he talks to and about Ike leaves little room for doubt. Ike’s place is where he belongs. Ike is special to him. Serving Ike gives him purpose. He doesn’t care if all the cities burn and the seas swallow the earth, so long as Ike survives. So on and so forth.

There’s also the literary parallels in Ena and Rajaion’s relationship in the first game, and Micaiah and Sothe’s relationship in the next, both canonically romantic pairings.

But I feel like even Soren’s character arc is a metaphor for the queer experience. He grows up suspecting that there is something different about him, something that causes the beast laguz of Gallia to ignore him, to be unsettled by his mere existence, to give him the impression he would be better off never having been born. And in early adolescence, he again notices something off about himself, things that set him apart from his peers.

Then, still within his adolescence, he figures it out. He learns a key part of his identity, something that he cannot change, something that marks him as sinful, a physical embodiment of a religious taboo.

If his secret gets out, Soren risks rejection. And so he is desperate to keep it secret, to pretend to be “normal,” to deny anyone who insinuates that he might be just like them. His fear is so great that, when Nasir threatens to effectively out Soren to Ike, Soren stops questioning Nasir, fearing Ike’s reaction more than the potential of having a traitor in their midst.

Then, in Ike and Soren’s A support, Soren finally reveals his secret, fully expecting it to be the end of their friendship. Instead, Soren finds immediate acceptance. Because it doesn’t matter, not really. This aspect of Soren doesn’t change the core of his character. It’s part of who he is, but it’s not who he is.

Is it not a clear metaphor for being gay?

Gosh I love Soren so much. A+ character. I just wish there were less people who were so dedicated to misunderstanding him.