#I feel like it was a tweet at least??? I can’t remember. maybe he ranted in an interview LOL

[cowboyshit]

I'm pretty sure part of his job teaching was teaching photoshop and light graphic design (from my class in HS I'm guessing) so it's kinda funny he designed the shirt

yep! he also has a degree in graphic design, and I’m fairly certain he’s spoken a time or two about how important it was for him to design his shirts. I know he hasn’t confirmed he did the colors and typography for his latest one, even though that’s what the artist believes, but I can so absolutely see him doing it. he’s so hands on with his character from even the tiniest of details. I’m even more excited for that shirt to arrive now!!

[lololova]

Beyond the words - Bad kisser

Inspired by a tweet written by @/wrongcaskett sent from @/castle_absentia . Thanks to both of you and tweet at the end just to not spoil anything.

----------------------

Kate’s kind of sick of the way Lanie keeps bringing up Castle into their conversation. And right now they’re arguing about how good he is at everything. At least that’s what she’s so frustrated about, Lanie is just having a good time with all this.

“I can’t believe he managed to wrestle that suspect and then he goes and gloates about it,” Kate rants, because he’s so nauseating. He’s always giving her that smirk that says he knows she’s impressed. But she’s not!

“Oh, come on Kate,” Lanie says, laughing at her friend’s frustrated groan. “He can’t be good at everything,” she argues and then smirks. “Who knows? Maybe he’s a bad kisser or something.” Lanie’s laughing and Kate starts to growl.

“No, he’s good at that too,” slinks out of her mouth in a growl without her even thinking about it and her best friend stops laughing within seconds in order to give her a glare.

“What?!” she yells out and Kate widens her eyes in horror.

“What?” Kate tries to mask the horror, tries to act normal and pretend like she hadn’t said what she’d just said.

“Don’t you ‘what’ me, what did you just say?” Lanie says and Kate shrugs her shoulders as innocently as possible.

“I didn’t say anything, you must be hearing things.”

“No, nope,” Lanie argues. “I heard you, what do you mean he’s a good kisser?”

Kate wrinkles her forehead. “I didn’t say that.”

Lanie slaps her arm and she immediately yelps because that was no light tap. “Lanie!”

“Oh, don’t you ‘Lanie’ me, you’ve kissed and now you gotta tell!” Lanie says demandingly and Kate rubs her arm.

“I haven’t…” she starts but Lanie lands one of her stares on her that makes her realize there’s no use in lying. With a sigh of defeat she runs her hand through her hair. “You remember that case when Ryan and Espo were taken hostages and me and Castle found the warehouse they were held in?” She fumbles with her fingers as she’s right back in that alley, remembering his taste filling her mouth as she’s kissing him back right before she understood what was going on. “Well, in order to distract the guard outside that door Castle had a plan we could pretend to be two drunk friends out on a walk, and so we did and… the guard was about to make us and so I reached for my gun. Castle-stopped-me-and-kissed-me-instead,” she says in one breath, getting it out as quickly as possible and continues to turn around, away from her best friend in order to hide as she’s taking her wine with her towards her friend’s couch.

“And why haven’t you told me this before?” the latina asks as she’s following along.

“Because I know you’re going to turn it into something it’s not,” Kate simply says as she takes a sip of her wine.

“Woell it is!” Lanie’s laughing and Kate’s groaning. “Come on Kate! You like him, and he likes you so why are you denying it?”

“I don’t like him,” Kate immediately responds with irritation in her voice.

“And yet you keep bringing him up every time we talk,” Lanie says with an u-huh voice.

“I’m not, you are!”

Her friend’s laughing and Kate’s giving her a harsh look.

“Oh Kate, why can’t you just ask him to dinner? What’s the worst that could happen?”

She’s about to say something sarcastic, something that would make her friend stop harassing her about her partner, but something in Lanie’s eyes tells her she’s sincere and really wants to know what’s so frightening about it all. With that in mind Kate takes a deep breath and tries to find the words for the feelings inside her. It’s not easy. In fact, she’s not even sure what she feels. He is a nine year old on a sugar rush still but… at the same time it’s different now.

Lanie sighs, probably because Kate has said nothing in the matter of ten whole minutes. “I know you’re scared Kate. But how are you ever going to fall in love if you don’t risk your heart?”

Kate bites her lower lip, her eyes stuck in her wine glass. But if she doesn’t risk her heart she won’t be hurt.

“Isn’t it better to risk being hurt than to never be able to find someone you can spend your life with?” Lanie asks and she realizes she must’ve mumbled her thoughts out loud.

“Maybe,” she whispers.

“You should go tell him how you feel,” Lanie says and when she sees the terrified look on her friend’s face she smiles tenderly. “Okay, maybe not now. But soon, before he’s done waiting for you.”

“Why do you think he’s waiting on me?” Kate questions and the latina laughs.

“Do you really think he’d risk being shot?”

She had a point. “Can we get back to drinking wine now?”

Lanie continues to laugh but does indeed change subject, to Kate’s relief. All the while they’re talking about a bunch of other things she can’t help but focus her thoughts on her partner and how to… move forward? and let him know she thinks they should try to be more than just partners in the working sense. Nothing she could think of seemed like something she could go through with though and she walks to bed without knowing what to do about her situation. Her mind keeps on thinking about it in her sleep though, turning it all into a dream where the two of them kissed the same way they did in that alley that night.

--------------------------------

It’s pretty hard to stay focused the next time she sees him. She can’t help but think back to her conversation with her best friend. And when they catch the case with the bomb she’s constantly thinking about telling him but not feeling brave enough. That is until the clock on the bomb is ticking away in front of them.

“Fallon!” Kate calls out into the phone, her heart racing.

“I can't see anything!” comes out of the phone and Kate locks eyes with her partner. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry.”

She’s glancing back to the bomb, seeing the timer go to ten seconds left and feels her heart shatter. “Castle,” she breathes out and he carefully grabs her hand. It almost feels as if time is slowing down and she takes a leap, standing onto her toes and claiming his lips with hers in a quick kiss before she pulls back to see something change in his eyes. His blues suddenly got a very determined look in them as he turns to the bomb and yanks all of the wires at once.

For a second everything is still. It feels as though they’re in a dream where everything else goes on as though nothing has happened even though everything just changed. They had been doomed a second ago and now they’re standing here, holding hands and with all the wires in his hand, the timer stuck at one. It takes another two seconds before she realizes; they’re still alive.

“Oh,” she gasps before she turns to her partner to see him letting go of all the wires with shock written all over his face.

“Yes!” he suddenly exclaims and before she knows it he’s hugging her and she’s immediately hugging him back, grateful to be alive. And when they pull apart she can see his eyes glance down at her lips with a longing that makes her heart skip a beat. She’s about to stand onto her toes but before she does she hears a voice still coming through her phone.

“Hey?! Detective! You still there? Hello?”

The two partners immediately let go of each other and Kate lifts up her phone again.

“Yeah, Fallon, we’re still here. You won’t believe it,” she says with shock and relief all over her voice.

“They messed up the bomb?” She can hear Fallon still being as torn as he was when he told them he couldn’t help them.

“No,” she starts laughing. “Castle just yanked all the wires at once.”

Kate’s releasing a deep sigh when she hears sirens in the distance coming closer, finally.

“You can tell me more in a minute, I can see you,” Fallon says and Kate looks up to see the car Fallon had driven away in earlier pull up behind the van the bomb is still in.

During the debriefing and the bomb squad taking care of the bomb Kate couldn’t stop stealing glances to her partner and if she saw right he was doing the same. Once that was done they got sucked into a drink at the precinct with their coworkers and Kate kept thinking to herself she wanted to get out of there, but at the same time she didn’t want to make it obvious why she wanted to get out of there. She has a feeling that if she and Castle had declined the drink the rest would have a clue about what was going on, what happened. So, they stayed there, sharing the drinks and talking about how close they’d gotten for as long as they felt was necessary. Kate is the first to bid a goodnight and leave, when she does she hears her partner say he should get going too. She thinks she hears something about him wanting to talk with his daughter and mother before he’s saying night.

She can feel his presence behind her before she feels his fingers brush hers while they wait for the elevator.

“So, you’re going home? I’m sure Alexis and Martha are waiting for you,” Kate asks and when the elevator arrives they step into it as he answers.

“Oh, no, they’re not, I’ve been texting with them this whole time and told them I might come in very late,” he says and when the doors have closed he’s moving closer to her. “I really think we should talk, my place or yours?”

She bites her lower lip, thinks about the perks of either place. At her place there’s no risk of being interrupted but at his place there’s no risk of them going further before they talk thanks to the risk of being interrupted. A part of her doesn’t care about that risk.

“How about my place? We’ll grab some Remy’s on our way there and make sure to eat as well,” she suggests and he nods with a smile growing on his lips.

“Sounds great, now that you mentioned it I’m hungrier than I thought,” admits and she chuckles.

It takes them thirty minutes to get to her apartment, and it’s getting harder and harder to resist touching him. The ride in the elevator had been the worst, especially since she couldn’t stop thinking about the quick kiss she gave him before he pulled all the wires. She’s even fumbling a bit with her keys because of it as she’s unlocking the door.

“Why don’t you put the food on the dinner table and I’ll go get some napkins,” Kate suggests and Castle nods.

When she’s getting the napkins she has her back towards him and before she’s turning around she feels his hands land on her hips and pushes a bit to turn her to him, his lips claiming hers before she can tell what’s going on.

“Mmm,” Kate moans as she feels his fingers dig into her hips and his tongue is sneaking past her lips to roll with hers.

After a minute, or two she’s not sure because the way his taste is filling her mouth is going straight up her mind, he’s pulling away slightly and they’re both panting.

“Sorry, I just… I had to make sure I wasn’t dreaming before,” Castle pants into her mouth and she’s letting go of a small laugh.

“We should eat before the food gets cold,” she says as she’s tipping onto her toes to kiss his lips again. “Come on.”

She grabs one of the hands on her hips and pulls him with her as she goes towards the dinner table where he left the food.

“So, uhm,” Kate starts when they’ve eaten a few bites. “I was talking to Lanie before this case hit us and I-uh, I like you, Castle. I have for a while,” she keeps on looking at her food, not daring to look up at him. “I just-I’m… not good at this.” It sounds frustrated and she feels herself lose her breath.

She can feel his eyes on her, most likely looking at her with questions in his eyes. “What do you mean?”

She puts down her burger and starts picking at her fries. She’s not sure how to describe it, not her feelings nor the way she’s felt ever since that cold night in January. How she’s so scared about getting her heart broken again, how she’s not sure she could survive that break.

“I don’t… I don’t do… real, but I know this… is,” she eventually gets out, her fingers still picking at her fries.

“So, you’re afraid this will fall before it even begins?” he carefully asks and she feels her cheeks blush as she glances up at him only to see him observing her carefully.

“I guess you could say that,” she agrees.

“Well,” he starts and she looks up at him more closely. “I can assure you I won’t let that happen. I’m in this if you are, and I promise not to let it fall apart that easily.”

He stretches one of his hands to tenderly touch her hand with his fingers, making her skin tingle along with her insides calming down from the touch and the words of promise.

“I’m in,” she whispers, turning her hand to be able to intertwine their fingers together.

“Good,” he says and when she focuses back at him again, and not at their fingers, she can see the big smile on his lips and her own pulls up. “Let’s finish dinner, and then we can talk even more.”

She bites her lip again as she nods and they let go of each other’s hands in order to continue eating. It feels better now, even though she hasn’t told him everything. But then again, she has a feeling he accepts her no matter if she tells him everything right away. When the burgers are swallowed, the fries are finished and the milkshakes have been sipped, they move from the kitchen table to the couch. Before she knows it she’s crawling close into him, and it doesn’t take very long before their lips are fused together again.

“I really like you too Kate,” he says against her lips and she smiles.

Their next kiss turns deeper and hotter and she pushes her body closer to his, can’t help but want to feel him against her. And feeling his hands travel to her lower back in order to pull her even closer is kind of arousing. Her fingers are in his hair, his tongue in her mouth, and they’re both moaning as she’s slowly grinding into him. This couldn’t be a more perfect ending to the day they survived a bomb. They don’t end up having sex that night, but they do end up sleeping next to each other and waking up intertwined in the morning. That’s when they can’t resist each other anymore and make love for the first but definitely not the last time. They have a lot more to talk about but it is still too early to have been able to talk about everything anyway so she’s not worried, and from what she can tell he’s not worried either. In fact, nothing has ever felt so right. And they can’t wait to discover every little quirk about each other, in their own time.

The end

@/wrongcaskett

“Lanie: c’mon, Castle can’t be good at everything. who knows, maybe he’s a bad kisser or something.

Beckett: no, he’s good at that too.

Lanie: what?

Beckett: what?”

Please write this //@/castle_absentia

Thanks for reading! Until next time, xxx

[zeynatura]

This is a very niche topic but whatever i need to rant.

I saw this tweet about an idea of a collab for the Paladins game that i play, and it’s not a bad idea.

My only issue was that it was a skin for the new champion Kasumi as Light.

In sumary for context she is a vengeful ghost and her weapon is a doll that she stabs with a needle to inflict damage to enemies.

Now this person’s idea makes sense, he wants the skin to be Light with his Death Note as the weapon instead of the doll and a pen instead of a needle, making the attack animation writing on the notebook, but i don’t think it’s gonna work because the stabbing is really fast and idk how well it will translate to a writing animation. Also out of all the characters you had to choose Light!? Couldn’t you go with a shinigami at least!? you know make it be another japanese super natural being not just some guy.

So i gave my two cents about it: (spoilers about Death Note Another Note)

And here is where my love for Beyond Birthday comes to play.

Listen Death Note was a big special interest in my teens, my disappointment for Takeshi Obata (that’s another topic i could talk about), the fandom and the discovery of my next special interest Tokyo Ghoul brought it to an end but that doesn’t mean all the knowledge, feelings and opinions about the series disappeared. So i have a lot to say.

Beyond Birthday (BB) is the B in the alphabet of kids raised to become the next L, he stars in the novel Death Note Another Note and i even made a study paper about him for my Crimilogy class in University. So i know A LOT about him.

And this is my reasoning why he would be a better skin for Kasumi:

The appearance: he’s an L lookalike with bright red eyes, both he and Kasumi have black short hair and super natural powers linked to death.

The lore: he really hates L, he wants to both become him and surpass him so his desire to be the better L is all the story is about, he comiting the perfect crime L can’t solve, murdering multiple people.

The weapon: it would still be a doll and a nail, why? because the signature of BB in all of his crimes was a number of dolls nailed to the wall (bonus points if the doll is L)

Kasumi’s abilities and ultimate: she leaves dolls as traps to teleport and fear the enemies and the ultimate is basically a curse that inflicts fear, dmg and gives her stacks to boost her dmg. BB was born with shinigami eyes, so he having some kind of other shinigami powers could explain the abilities of Kasumi’s kit for the skin. (which wouldn’t make sense for Light to have)

Voice pack: Kasumi is all about vengeance, killing, souls and is clearly Japanese inspired, the voice is creepy, ghostly, spooky and supernatural. Her ult Line says  "あなたの魂を私のものだよ！" which translates for “your soul is mine” and as i said in the tweet, BB’s line could be something he says to his victims or even an indirect against L and the rest of his voice pack matching the vibe of Kasumi would be easy, cause he not only is a serial killer, unhinghed, hateful person, he also jokes around, can change his tone so fast, is charming and smart.

I have nothing against OP, his idea is just the most boring and mainstream there is and is not even the best one based on his reasoning. 

I’m so fed up with the Death Note fandom being so anime centralized they’re missing so much not reading the manga nor the novels.

[If you want to know about my paper about BB i got a perfect grade, and it was an analysis of him, his personality, his crimes, his methods and a psycological evaluation. The assigment was “choose a serial killer be it fictional or real and make an analysis” it had to be a unique one so all my classmates got the best real ones like Jack the Ripper so i was like hmmm maybe i should do a fictional one and remembered BB.

For those of you that don’t know i’m a criminalist and love forensic sciences]

[golbrocklovely]

remember me // colby brock (pt 2)

A/N: as i mentioned before in a different post, this took me FOREVER to write. i loved writing this story but something about it just made me drag it out for so long. nonetheless, i love this and i'm excited to see what you all think. please lmk what you thought about this. thank you to everyone that has supported me and sent me kind messages. yall are the best ! hope you enjoy :) also lmk if you want another part...

prompt: she's the only one that remembers colby, or so they both thought.

trigger warning: ANGST, heartbreak, AU mention, friendship problems, cursing, happy-ish ending (but not the end...?), kissing

word count: 5526

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Colby was relieved that the waitress, the only one that remembered him, decided to help. The moment she agreed, Colby gave her his number and left. She texted him not too long after, and he realized for a moment she never said her name. He planned to ask her the next day when they decided to meet up at his place.

It was weird to come back to his apartment, knowing that down the hall his best friend, his brother, lived there and didn't know who he was. Usually when Colby felt lonely, he would walk down the hall to Sam's and hang out for a bit. It was always nice to talk to Sam about anything and everything.

But now... he couldn't do that.

Colby tried to sleep during the night, but barely any rest came from it. He tossed and turned, hoping that when he would wake up, this would all just be some weird-ass nightmare.

When his cell phone rang the next morning at 9:34 A.M., it was an unfamiliar ringtone. As he rubbed his eyes awake, he glanced at the caller, the name 'Waitress' appearing on his screen.

I guess this wasn’t a dream after all.

"Yeah?" Colby groaned, squinting his eyes at the sunlight.

Her voice came through cheery, the tone too loud in Colby’s ears. “Let me up to your apartment. I'm here.”

He cleared his throat. “This early?”

“I figured you would want your normal life back as soon as possible, yeah?” She sassed.

He rolled his eyes. “Alright, give me a second. I'll come down and get you.”

Colby stumbled out of bed, running his fingers through his hair as he threw on a random shirt and jeans, slowly trudging down to the lobby of his apartment. She sat on a couch, tapping her foot against the carpeted floors. Her eyes were staring out the door, almost like she was looking at someone. When she heard Colby’s footsteps, her gaze pulled away from outside.

“Did I wake you?” She frowned, grabbing her bag next to her and standing up.

He shook his head. “You can't really be woken up if you barely slept.”

“I'm sorry to hear that.” She lightly bit her lip, following Colby to the elevator.

He shrugged tiredly. “It's okay.”

They both slowly got into the elevator, climbing up to Colby's floor. The loud 'ding' of the elevator broke their silence moments later. They walked to Colby's apartment, and he unlocked his door quickly.

She whistled quietly. “Woah, nice place.”

A half smile spread across Colby’s face. “Thanks.”

“No offense, but how do you pay for this place if you're not a social media person?” She questioned, stepping into the kitchen.

He raised an eyebrow. “That's... a good question. From what my mom told me over the phone yesterday, I worked all throughout high school and college, so maybe it's from that?”

“You only worked at Dairy Queen while you were in high school. You must have gotten a better job in college because there is no way you can afford this place.” She disagreed.

Colby smirked. “How'd you know I worked at Dairy Queen?”

“Well, for starters, my friend told me. And also, I did some research about you. But I'll get to that in a second.” She continued, her voice falling to a serious tone, “So... would you like to hear my theories?”

“Theories?” He puzzled.

“As to why everyone forgot about you.” The waitress explained.

Colby sat down on his barstool, exhaling. “Let's hear it.”

“Okay. For argument sakes, you're gonna have to just go with me on this. Because otherwise, I literally have no way to help you.” She started, already pacing slightly.

He cautioned. “...okay?”

“So last night, I tried to think of a reason why everyone would collectively forget about you. And the only conclusion I could come up with is that you're in an alternative universe.” She hypothesized.

Colby’s eyes widened, bugging out of his head. “A what?”

“An alternative universe. Basically, everything is pretty much the same in your life, except a few minor details,” she revealed. “That’s why you still live in this apartment, but you didn’t get here the same way you did in your other life, your real life.”

“This... it's way too early for this.” He grumbled, astonished.

She sighed, her hands resting on her hips. “The only other option is that this is a very long-winded prank that your friends are still pulling on you. Have you tried talking to any of your other friends besides Sam?”

“No, everyone else’s number is gone in my phone, which I can only assume means they don’t know me either.” Colby retorted. Then he took a deep breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “But, this doesn't make sense. How did I end up here if this isn't my life?”

“I’m not sure how you got here, but I think you’re here for a specific reason. I think you’re here to right a wrong that this Colby Brock did. I’m just… not entirely sure what that wrong might be.” She answered, unsure.

He huffed. “Okay… what am I supposed to do then? Stay here and hope we figure that out soon? I don't even know who I am in this universe.”

“And that's where my research comes into play.” She pulled a laptop from her bag quickly, placing it down on the counter and opening it. She scrolled through her browsers until she came across Colby's Facebook, which surprisingly looked active for someone who hadn't been personally on it in years.

I use Facebook? Gross.

“First, I started by seeing if you and Sam were friends on here, but that didn’t amount to much since Sam doesn’t have a Facebook. However, what I found out is that you and Sam did live in the same town, go to the same high school, and played in the same marching band. Sam talked about his early years before he was ‘famous’ in one of the first videos he posted, and I crossed referenced that with your profile and it all matches up.” She informed.

“That's strange,” he mumbled. “What did we do after high school?”

She stated. “You went off to college and majored in Business Management with a minor in Philosophy. You graduated early too.”

Me? Graduating early? I couldn’t even get through math without Sam’s help.

“What did Sam do?” He asked.

The waitress scrolled to another tab, opening it to show a search of Sam. “Well, a very quick Google search shows that he actually went to the same college as you but dropped out once his Vine career started to pick up. Then he went on to Musical.ly when Vine died. He moved out to LA in 2017 and started a YouTube channel after he met Katrina, and slowly met all of his- your, friends that way. He got a bump of followers once he started dating Kat because of her following.”

Colby’s mouth gaped at her words. “That can't be true. He would have never wanted that. I mean, I had to convince him that we should be on social media so that we could spread our message. Plus, he hates those channels that use their relationship for views.”

“Not this version of Sam. Or at least, it doesn't seem like it.” She commented.

He covered his face, groaning into his hands. “What the hell am I here for? What wrong have I done in this universe?”

Her voice low, she replied. “I think it might have to do with Sam.”

“But... he doesn't know me.” He dissented, sitting up.

She nodded. “I thought so too. However, after scrolling through all of your public photos, I found this.”

Colby squinted at the screen, an old photo of him and Sam stared back. They looked super young, probably sophomores in high school. They were both smiling, laughing at something. He vaguely remembered this day.

“So, we did know each other.” He bit his lip softly.

She hummed. “Yeah. And weirdly, it’s the only photo of the two of you on your profile. But it’s not the only strange thing.”

Scrolling to a different tab, she pulled up an old tweet of Sam’s. It read ‘Never thought you would be the one to hurt me. But I guess everyone can be surprising.’

Colby noted the date. “That was back in high school.”

“Yeah, and there’s a bunch like them. He talks about being betrayed and someone hurting him deeply. He never mentions, of course. But his tweets line up with some that you were tweeting at the same time.” She confessed.

The waitress clicked on a different tab and another tweet showed up, one from Colby’s account. He gazed at it, reading the words ‘If you hate me… imagine how I feel about myself.’

Colby’s face dropped. “Wait, what?”

“You don’t tweet that often, but when you do, you talk about righting wrongs and fixing things you fucked up.” She added, “You also hate on yourself a lot.”

He doubted, crossing his arms. “You think they’re connected?”

“I do. I think in this universe you fucked up somehow and hurt Sam. And I think you are here now to fix what the other you did.” She explained.

He ranted. “This is all so fucked! When I saw him yesterday, he acted like he didn’t even know me. How am I supposed to even go about this? What, do I just go down the hall and apologize for something I don’t even remember doing?”

“No. Sam's not in his apartment anyway. I saw him leave while I was waiting for you.” She mentioned nonchalantly.

He grunted. “Great, he could be anywhere in LA right now.”

“I know exactly where he is.” She smirked.

“What? How?” He questioned.

The waitress divulged. “This version of Sam has a favorite restaurant he goes to all the time. A lot of his fans know about it, thus one look through any of his fan accounts and you'll see it. It's called ‘Paradise’.”

“Sounds like a strip club.” Colby deadpanned.

She pouted. “It's not. But he goes there all the time, and I got us a table there last minute.”

“What exactly are we gonna do when we get there?” He crossed his arms.

“I was planning on going up to his table and talking to him, maybe asking him about you, see how he reacts.” She described.

Colby furrowed his brow, confused. “And what about me?”

She slid her laptop into her bag, zipping it up hastily. “Well… I didn’t really think that far ahead. But hopefully, whatever you did is forgivable, and we can just fix it right there.”

He murmured. “That's a lot to hope for.”

“It's better than sitting here and wasting daylight.” She grabbed her stuff and headed for the door. Colby followed suit, grabbing his keys.

He spoke as he locked his door. “What if this doesn’t work?”

She turned back to him. “It will. It has to.”

~~~

Paradise was a themed restaurant, which Colby thought was strange because his Sam never really liked those types of restaurants. The theme was nice, however, tropical and Hawaiian. It felt like something he, Sam, and a few friends would have gone to after a fun, drunk night.

As Colby and the waitress were escorted to their table, they both kept an eye out for Sam, glancing around nervously for the blonde boy.

“I think the worst thing about this universe version of me is how messy my car is,” Colby joked. “It’s like I live out of it.”

She shrugged, smiling. “It wasn’t that bad.”

“You should see my real car. My honey wagon is spotless.” He expressed, waving his hand.

“Honey wagon?” She queried.

“Long story,” he chuckled. Then abruptly, he gasped. “Holy shit, I just realized I never got your name.”

She cocked her head. “What? I never told you?”

He blinked. “No.”

She started. “It's-”

“Hi, I'm Tony, I'll be your server for today. Can I get you something to drink to start you guys off?” Tony greeted, cutting her off.

“Yeah, sure. A water for me.” She blurted out.

Colby added. “Coke, please.”

Tony smiled. “Okay, coming right up.”

Once Tony left, the waitress started scoping out for Sam again, her eyes widening once she saw him.

Her body stiffened, turning back to Colby. “He's over there, three tables down to your left.”

Colby gazed over his shoulder at his friend. Sam looked lost in thought, staring at his phone as he ate his food.

“Why is he alone?” He muttered.

“From some of the blogs I read, he likes to go out and eat by himself. Also, apparently, him and Kat are on the rocks.” She admitted.

“They love each other so much, it's kinda gross to be around them sometimes,” He quipped, but shook his head. “So to hear that...”

“I'm gonna head over.” She announced quickly.

Before he could speak, she left the booth. Colby watched her walk over to Sam, listening closely to their conversation as he ducked his head down.

“Hey... sorry to bother you, but are you Sam Golbach?” She asked sweetly.

“Yeah I am. Did you want something?” Sam stared blankly at her.

“Um, yeah?” She almost scoffed at his tone. “I’m a huge fan and I know this might be a weird question, but do you know someone named Colby Brock?”

Sam’s face remained stoic, but his eyes intensified. “No, I've never heard of that name before.”

“Are you sure, because I'm pretty certain that you and him are best friends.” She insisted.

He raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

Colby watched nervously as she pulled out her phone and showed Sam the photo. Sam scrunched up his face, his eyes scanning the image. “Yeah, no. Still don’t know who he is. What was his name again?”

“Colby Brock.” She stated.

“...Sorry. I’ve never heard a name like that before.” He mumbled, almost inaudibly. “Sounds stupid anyway.”

She cocked her head. “Wait, what?”

Colby clenched his fist, unable to hear this conversation any longer. He needed to come face-to-face with Sam. He slid out of his seat, walking hastily over to Sam and the waitress. Sam’s eyes narrowed as he gaped at Colby.

“Sam…” Colby started.

Sam growled. “Are you fucking serious, Colby? Did you really have to get one of my fans involved?”

“What?” Colby puzzled.

Sam jumped out of his seat, grabbing Colby’s arm and pulling him out of the restaurant. The waitress followed behind them, confused just as much as Colby. Sam’s feet stopped behind the back door of the building, turning to Colby without warning.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Sam barked.

Colby stepped back, surprised by Sam’s anger. “...Uh, I don’t know what you mean by that.”

Sam scoffed. “Why the fuck are you here? After all this time?”

“So, you do remember me.” Colby remarked.

“Yeah, I do. When you showed up at my place yesterday, it took me a minute to realize it was you, since you decided to dress up like a Hot Topic employee, but yeah, I knew it was you. Are you really gonna pretend in front of her that we don’t know each other?” Sam teared his eyes away from Colby’s, staring at the waitress suddenly. “Let me guess, he hasn’t told you the whole story, right?”

“I guess not.” She shrugged uncomfortably.

Sam chuckled darkly. “Of course not. If he told the whole story, he would have to admit he was an asshole, and God knows he’s not gonna do that.”

“What are you talking about?” Colby panted.

“Do you not remember? Well, I’ll give you a refresher. You and I became friends freshman year of high school. You were my best friend and I was yours. I trusted you. I trusted you with a lot of shit that I’ve never told anyone. Senior year of high school, right before we were about to graduate, right as we were starting a social media career, suddenly you don’t want anything to do with me; which would have been bad enough, but then I go and find out you and my girlfriend were hooking up behind my back,” Sam snapped, catching his breath for a moment. “So yeah, I remember you, Colby.”

Colby’s mouth fell open, his breathing speeding up.

None of this sounds like me. I would never hurt Sam like that.

“And now, you have the fucking audacity to show up when everything in my life is going great and I’m succeeding. I have fans, friends, and a girlfriend that all love and care about me, and you’re here trying to what? Stir up drama? Get some clout from me?” He demanded.

“If your friends and girlfriend love you, why are you eating all alone?” The waitress jeered.

Sam glared at her, biting his tongue. “And you made one of my fans hate me. Dope, dude.”

“Sam, look; I’m sorry for what I did. But that was years ago. I’m not who I was back then.” Colby choked out.

“I don’t care. I don’t want you in my life. Do you not understand what you did to me?” Sam persisted.

“I know I was an asshole, and I apologize for ever hurting you like that. But I miss you, and I want to work things out. Let me prove to you that I’m better.” He trembled, getting closer to Sam.

Sam backed up, blocking Colby. “No. No! You don’t get to miss me. You don’t get to miss a relationship you fucked up. It took me years to trust again. Hell, I’m still going through it. You don’t get to decide whether or not you’re in my life. Not anymore.”

“Sam… please.” Colby whimpered.

“Don’t show up at my place again. Don’t talk to my fans about me. Don’t act like you care about me. Because I’m done,” Sam stared into Colby’s eyes before going back into the restaurant. “I don’t care about you. Fuck off forever and leave me alone.”

Sam’s words punched Colby hard, taking the breath out of him instantly. He caught himself against the wall, his legs turning to gelatin under his weight.

He stuttered. “I… gotta leave. I-I have to…”

“Colby, relax. It’s gonna be okay.” She grabbed his hand.

He shook off her embrace. “What? No it’s not! Did you not hear what he said? Why would he want to be friends with a piece of shit like me?!”

“You were eighteen when this all happened. Give yourself a break.” She argued.

“No. I’m fucking terrible. This version of me is terrible. Of course he doesn’t want to be friends with me! I don’t even want to be me.” His voice quivered with anger, his body racing away from her.

She furrowed her brows, trying to keep up with him. “Where are you going?”

“I just need to leave. I can’t be here right now!” He grunted, his pace picking up.

She called after him, but Colby didn’t care. His heart slammed against his chest over and over again. Tears weld up into his eyes, blurring his vision as he began to run. He wanted to keep running until his legs gave out, until he couldn’t remember all the words Sam had said to him.

It dawned to Colby how much worse this universe was.

He wasn’t just stuck in a universe where Sam didn’t know him.

He was stuck in a universe where Sam didn’t want to know him.

In a universe where Sam didn’t love him.

And he had no way of escaping.

Colby must have blacked out while he ran, somehow maintaining to stay upright, because once his thoughts started to subside, and his body basically gave out under him, he noticed he was in a part of LA he had never been before. Some random neighborhood that was unfamiliar.

He shoved his body up against a metal telephone pole, sliding down to the ground. He tried catching his breath, gulping back breaths as he forced down the nausea overwhelming his senses. He wiped his face with his sleeve, feeling more tears rush down his cheeks.

His throat and chest burned with each sharp inhale. He whimpered into his hands, covering his face from the slowly retreating sun.

He slid his phone out of his pocket once he caught his breath, calling the only number he knew.

“Hey honey. What’s up?” His mom’s voice rang back sweetly.

Colby’s voice was monotone, exhausted. “You know who Sam is, don’t you?”

The line went quiet for a moment, all Colby could hear was her light breath.

“You told me not to talk about him. After you two stopped being friends, you said you never wanted to hear his name again.” She exhaled deeply, “I was taken aback when you asked about him yesterday.”

“He’s out here… in LA.” He responded.

She gasped lightly. “Did you run into him?”

He laughed bitterly. “You could say that.”

“Oh, Colby. I’m so sorry.” His mother consoled.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, mama. I just…” Colby trailed off, unable to explain.

“Why don’t you come home this weekend?” She offered. “I miss you, you know.”

“I would love to. But…” His chest heaved as hot tears drifted down his cheeks. “That’s not my home.”

“Nonsense. You will always have a home here.” She assured him, her voice almost trembling.

He wiped a fallen tear, a broken smile coming to his face. “That’s good to know. I love you.”

She hummed. “I love you too, baby. Call me again soon.”

“I will. Bye.” He uttered breathlessly.

The sky was getting darker and darker, and Colby remained against the phone pole. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but suddenly his phone vibrated, a new message from ‘Waitress’ asking where he was. He sent his location, and she arrived twenty minutes later in his car. He stood up, stumbling to his passenger door. His legs were weak from the sprinting he had just done. As he got in, the cool AC blasted the sweat and tears off his face.

They didn’t speak, a quiet radio station playing in the background the only sound. She drove through the hills of LA, eventually hitting a peak. She parked the car as it overlooked LA, the lights looking like stars on the horizon.

She got out a minute later, walking over to the hood and leaning against it. He could see something in her hand but didn’t recognize it. Colby sat in the car by himself, not able to physically move his body from how exhausted he felt. Eventually, he achingly stepped out of the car, sitting next to her on the hood.

“I’m fucked.” Colby breathed.

She started. “I don’t think-”

“Please don’t try to make me feel better. I know you mean well, but I am fucked,” he rebutted, his voice dark. “I’m stuck here, in this universe, where Sam hates me. And as if that weren’t bad enough, I did terrible things, things I know I would never do to him. How the fuck am I supposed to apologize for those mistakes? I wouldn’t take him back if the roles were reversed.”

“Read this.” The waitress stated, handing him a journal.

He glanced down at the leather-bound book, slightly faded from years of writing. He unclicked the lock and opened it, looking down at the pages. It was his, a journal full of writings he had done.

“Where did you get this?” He inquired.

“You were right about your car being messy. But you’d be surprised what you fine if you just look.” She teased.

Colby read over the words, the first entry catching his eye. It was dated a year after him and Sam had graduated high school.

Sam is succeeding without me. I knew he would. He was always so smart when it came to business decisions. He just hit 10k followers on Vine. That’s crazy!

“What the hell is this?” Colby questioned.

She answered quickly. “This whole journal was you keeping up with Sam without him knowing. This version of you always paid attention to what he was doing, even if you guys were no longer friends.”

“I’m obsessed with Sam? That’s great.” He deadpanned.

“You’re not obsessed with Sam. Read this entry.” She skipped a handful of pages, finally stopping on one and showing it to him.

I hate myself everyday for the hurt I caused Sam. I can’t believe what an idiot I was back when I was 18. We could have gone so far together… but I had to go and fuck it up.

He scowled. “Am I supposed to be sad for myself?”

“Keep reading.” She pushed.

The night I chose to never speak to Sam again, I knew I made the wrong decision. But I had to. Sam was ready to go on and do bigger and better things. I was just gonna hold him back. I was terrified of failing, not only myself, but him. He deserves success. That’s why I had to ignore him. I have never been as smart as him. I would have ruined our chances of doing something great. And I have been proven right by how far he has gone without me.

“You stopped being his friend because you were scared, not because you didn’t care anymore.” She repeated.

He slid off the car, scoffing. “So what if I was scared to fail? Sam didn’t deserve the hurt I caused just because of that. And what about me cheating with his girlfriend?”

She jumped off the car, striding up to Colby. She grabbed the journal from his hand. “You didn’t cheat, look.”

She pointed at the bottom of the page, his eyes following her finger.

“Me and Lexi were never together! I hate her for telling him that. One night, they had a really big fight and she came over to my house to ask what she should do. I told her to break up with him if she really didn’t care anymore. And then she tried to hit on me. I told her off and threatened to tell Sam, but she got to him first. She must have told him her and I were together.” The waitress read aloud.

“Wait, if I never hooked up with his girlfriend, why wouldn’t I tell him that?” Colby hissed.

“I think at that point, you wanted the friendship to be over, and I think this solidified it.” The waitress responded.

“All this time I could have been friends with Sam, but I ruined it because I was scared? What a fucking idiot.” He spat.

“You weren’t an idiot,” She interjected. “You just disliked yourself so much you didn’t think you deserved happiness. At least now you know that this version of you isn’t as terrible as you thought.”

“Even with that being the case, Sam’s never gonna accept my apology. Why should he?” Colby lamented, “I let him down the worst ways. I broke his trust and loyalty.”

She shook her head, stepping towards him. “Give him some time. You might be surprised."

Before Colby could speak, his phone rang. He took his phone out of his pocket and looked at the number. It looked familiar, but he couldn’t place it.

“Hello?” He answered.

“Did you really mean it when you said you were sorry?” Sam spoke, his tone hesitant, but dry.

His breath hitched at the sound of Sam’s voice. “Of course. I never meant to hurt you, Sam.”

Sam paused for a moment, before breathing out. “I’m giving you one more chance. Tomorrow. Come by my place. You apparently know where I live.”

“Yeah,” Colby laughed awkwardly. “I’ll come by. Thank you… Sam.”

“Don’t thank me yet. I’ll see you later.” Sam stated, hanging up.

Once the call ended, Colby’s eyes stared down at his phone widely. He almost couldn’t believe that happened.

He inhaled sharply. “Sam just called me. He wants to meet me tomorrow.”

“That’s great.” Her voice just above a whisper.

“He wants to hear me out… he wants to give me another chance.” His face dropped with confusion. “How did he get my number?”

It hit Colby like a brick as he gazed up at the waitress, who bit her lip hiding her smile. “You…?”

“You weren’t the first person I showed the journal to,” she explained. “When you ran off, I was gonna go after you. As I got in your car, I saw this journal sticking out from under your seat. I read through it and… I knew I had to show Sam. I went back in and talked to him for an hour, showing him how much you were actually sorry. How much you had beat yourself up over hurting him. And then I gave him your number. I wasn’t sure if he was gonna call but-”

“Oh my God, you’re amazing!” Colby ran up to her, grabbing her by the waist and spinning her around. She gripped his shoulders tightly as they spun, laughing loudly into his ear. As her feet touched the ground, he stared into her eyes, his smile the brightest she had ever seen it. His hands glided up her body to her face, cupping her cheeks quickly. He smashed his lips against hers, his heart pounding as he did. Her hands lowered to his chest, her grasp on his shirt tightened as she felt herself lose her footing and back up into the car.

As they stumbled, he realized what he was doing, pulling away quickly. “Shit… I’m sorry. I-I shouldn’t have-”

“No, it’s okay,” She giggled. “I’m just… surprised.”

He exhaled, letting his arms fall away from her body. “Me too.”

They leaned against the car, keeping a slight distance from each other. A light blush rested on both their faces; however, it was hard to see with the setting sun, something they were both grateful for.

The waitress sighed, breaking the moment of silence. “I think I know why this happened. Why I was the only one who remembered you…”

He raised an eyebrow, slightly side-eyeing her. “Really?”

“I lied to you when we first met. I wanted to seem a bit cooler than I am, but I don’t think I can hide that anymore.” She began, nervously.

Colby’s face relaxed a little, surprised at her words. “Okay.”

“My friend didn’t introduce me to you guys… I introduced her… to you.” She confessed.

A soft grin came to his face. “I had a feeling.”

She rolled her eyes. “No, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did! I totally did,” he snickered. “Not every fan knows I worked at Dairy Queen. And… no average fan would have helped me get Sam back the way you did.”

“I think there’s a reason for all of this. I think in your universe, your life… you don’t know me.” Her voice dropped suddenly, making Colby turn to her.

“That’s true, I don’t.” He nodded.

Her eyes met his, a sad glint reflecting in the moonlight. “But I think the reason for that is because… you’re not supposed to.”

“What do you mean?” He replied, his face twisting in confusion.

“I think you and I are only supposed to have met here, in this universe. But not in yours.” She glared up at the sky, “Maybe in some weird way, I’m your guardian or guide or something.”

Colby’s thoughts raced. “So, what you’re saying is-“

“This might be the last time you’ll ever see me. You did what you had to do. You got Sam and you to talk again.” Her voice cracked as she held back tears, “You can go home.”

He grabbed her hands, holding them close to his body. “But… I don’t want to leave if it means I don’t know you.”

A hitched breath fell from her lips, a smile appearing from his words. “If we’re meant to be, we’ll see each other again.”

“That’s not fair.” He shook his head, a deep frown settling on his face.

“I know, but it’s how it has to be.” She whispered.

He rested his forehead against her, breathing deeply. “Can I… get one more kiss?”

She bit her lip softly. “I thought you’d never ask.”

They leaned in, his breath fanning across her lips for a split second before he pulled away.

“Wait…” He shuddered. “I never got your name.”

A soft smile came to her lips. “I’ll tell you after.”

His arms wrapped around her, pressing her body into his as their lips collided. He held onto her for dear life, terrified that the moment he pulled away, she would be gone.

He could feel things around him slow down, almost melting away, but he couldn’t tell if it was from the beauty of their kiss making him dizzy. A whirling silence overcame his senses. A burning sensation sliced through his abdomen; his breath ripped from his lungs.

A heavy darkness overtook his vision and for the briefest of moments, he felt absolutely nothing.

Except her lips.

<< |

[crowdedimagines]

Leaked - Harry Styles

2.8k :) 

“Y/n?” His voice rings out a soft echo. The only noise in my room tonight. I simply answered so the incessant buzzing on my nightstand would finally cease. If only I had checked the contact, I wouldn’t be sitting up straight in bed, staring into the black of my room.

“Hello?” I answer back after a long enough pause for both of us to know that I have just woken up and I wasn’t fully aware of what I was answering.

“I’m sorry to wake you. I forgot what time it is there right now.” I can hear some shuffling on his end, it sounds like he’s getting up and walking around. He must be in London right now, not in his home only a ten minute drive from mine in Malibu. I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees, letting my comforter drop from my shoulders.

“What’s wrong Harry?” I ask, cutting to the chase. The slight nervous edge in his voice tells me that something is most definitely wrong. I can’t just sit in silence waiting for the world to stop, I need him to spit it out. Spit out whatever made him call me after nearly a year of no longer being together.

“I had a leak. Someone hacked my phone.”

I don’t know what I was expecting, but this was far from it. I let out a sigh, he’s okay. At least physically. I can feel a slight weight lift off my chest, but it’s far from light still.

“Okay?” I prompt for him to continue.

“It’s pictures of you, Y/n.”

And to think I was worried about him. His words make my ears ring for a few seconds. An eerie pitch fills the void between us, neither of us knowing the words to help this situation.

“Which pictures?”

I switch Harry to speaker and open twitter, ignoring the mass texts that are coming in right now. My manager and my publicist ranting on our group chat but the messages fade into the background as soon as my eyes cross the trending page.

“Um-”

#Y/n’sleaked

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” My hands start shaking as I look over the images shared with the entire world. Not even just one, multiple over the time we shared a relationship.

A picture I sent him on tour, standing in our mirror with not a thread of clothing. Bare as the day I was born. I remember taking this picture as a tease right before he had to take the stage at Madison Square Garden. Now more people than can fit in Madison Square Garden have seen that picture.

Next, is a picture of me in a rather compromising position on my knees looking up at him. It’s not hard to tell what was happening or about to happen. Harry took this one, It was already a hot night for us, and somehow him pulling out his phone snapping a quick picture made it even hotter. Now I need to worry about my family ever seeing this.

Finally, the most modest of the group, a picture of me in simple dark red lingerie thrown on the bed by Harry. Once again, a picture that Harry had snapped himself. I had just come home from tour and he answered our door and I dropped everything I had, including the clothes I had been wearing. He chased me up to our room, he finally caught me in our room and literally threw me on the bed. He pulled out his phone claiming he wanted to remember the sheer joy he was feeling in that moment. Now it’s bringing me dread.

Tweet after tweet sharing the same group of photos.

Harry doesn’t say a single word, knowing that I’ve seen exactly what he was trying to break down to me.

“Oh my god.” I shutter, refreshing as the tweets come in by the hundreds.

“Y/n I-”

I hang up before he can utter another word. I can’t speak with him right now, knowing exactly who’s to blame for putting me out there like that. We broke up nearly a year ago, if he had simply deleted the photos once the relationship was over, maybe we wouldn’t be here.

I read the thread of messages between Jordan my manager and Paula my publicist. Both are trying to diffuse the situation. I wonder how they found out, did they get a call at two in the morning from Jeff?

I simply reply that in the morning to meet at my house to get everything sorted out, there’s no point in stressing over what we can’t change and losing sleep over it. They both agree to be at my house bright and early at seven.

I put my phone back down and pull myself under the covers. At least for a few more hours this can’t be real. A few more hours I can hide under the covers and pretend that this isn’t happening.

I put coffee on, knowing that the girls will be here any moment, hopefully with a plan in hand on how we can diffuse the situation.

“Good morning.” Paula smiles cheerily followed by Jordan who just has a tight smile.

“Please tell me there’s something we can do.” I sit down on my touch, letting my hands warm on the mug.

“Yes, we-kind of!” Paula gushes.

I look to Jordan for a clear answer. Paula has always been a little nuttier, I love her to death, but right now I need serious and I need a plan. I need cold and honest.

“I talked with Jeff for a while last night and we both agree that we think it’s best for us to meet up together to discuss a course of action in person. We have a flight in an hour.”

“So you’re telling me that my nudes leak from his phone and now I have to hop on a plane to go see him?” My jaw must reach the floor by now.

“It’ll be better to get this all sorted out with both teams together. We have the same common goal here, we just want to make this look a little better.”

“Easy for you to say when it’s not your body trending on Twitter.”

“I wasn’t the one sending them.” She raises her brow, she’s told me a dozen times to never put myself in a position like this. That there can’t be any leaks when you don’t take anything private.

I climb upstairs to my room and grab a bag to start packing. I throw on a cute sweat suit and find a pair of dark tinted sunglasses. If anything, the airport is the last place I should be right now. The paparazzi are worse than they’ve ever been, even with Harry, I’ve never been bombarded like this. They throw question after question to me, hoping to get the first scoop on me the morning after it leaked. While it’s still hot and trending with every news outlet.

“Jesus.” Paula mutters, “Still got all your fingers and toes?”

I smile finally, “I’m fine, thank you.”

The flight is peaceful, thankfully. Jordan types a mile a minute on her laptop next to me. Surely, trying to work out a plan and get as many pictures taken down as possible. Not that it matters now, it’s out in the world forever now.

A sleek black car picks us up and drives the familiar route to Harry’s London home. We pull into the driveway and it knocks the air out of my lungs as soon as my feet hit the ground. There’s several cars that don’t belong to Harry, which means it’s a full house today.

I let Jordan walk in first, letting myself weakly trail behind. I haven’t seen Harry since the break up. Maybe once at an award show, but it was far away and we didn’t exchange words. I definitely didn’t think I would be stepping into his house again.

“Jordan.” Jeff greets, getting up from the dining table where it looks like people have set up camp. A whole crew of people making calls, scouring Twitter, and god knows what else.

“Hi, Jeff.” She smiles.

I look around a little, trying not to be obvious. The house looks the same, Hardly a single thing out of place in over a year. Not that I expect it too, I never fully lived here outside of a few weeks at a time. It’s not like our shared Malibu home that we sold in the break up. This place was always predominantly his.

Speaking of Harry, finally he looks up from his phone, he had been biting at his cuticles probably worrying, panicking. He tucks his phone in his back pocket and walks over to the rest of us. Paula instantly pulls him down for a hug, she always loved him.

“Harry!” She sighs.

He lets out a soft laugh and bends down to hug her short stature. We make eye contact a few times, but never say anything.

“I wish this was under different circumstances.” Paula whispers, even though we still all catch it.

“No hug? Harry teases Jordan. They were never close but at least he’s attempting to lighten the mood. Harry is probably the last person on this planet that she wants to hug.

“I’m not your biggest fan right now.” Jordan sighs, her steel cold gaze returns. I bite back a smirk over how protective she can be sometimes.

“Y/n, I-” Harry starts, finally turning his full attention to me.

“Y/n!” A louder voice cuts him off, I glance over his shoulder to see Gemma getting up from the couch in the living room, Anne close behind.

“Oh my god, I’ve missed you!” She pulls me in for a hug, her arms pulling me in tight, as if to make up for the months of nearly no contact.

“I’ve missed you too, Gem.” I tighten my grip around her.

Anne appears in my line of vision now, smiling softly. I release my grip on Gemma and she does the same, Anne taking her place.

“You’ll get through this, darling.” She whispers softly as she rubs her hand up and down my back. Her words bring tears to my eyes. I’ve tried to not let myself be sad about this. I’ve only felt anger, but hugging Anne has opened the floodgates. “You’re strong.”

“I need to freshen up.” I clear my throat, Anne pulls back and smiles.

No one says a word as I excuse myself to the closest guest bathroom. I wash my face with cold water and take a few deep breaths trying to prepare myself somewhat for what I have to go out there and face. I open the door and notice Harry leaning against the wall across from the door.

“Hi.” He picks his head up, no longer staring at the ground.”

“Hi.” I say back.

“Y/n I am so sorry. I had no clue any of this would happen. If I had known-”

“Why did you keep the pictures Harry?” I ask, I want answers not apologies. He’s still Harry and I know he’s feeling so much guilt right now.

“I don’t really know.” He shrugs, “I wasn’t being pervy with them, wasn’t keeping them for any indecent reason. They were just another memory that I didn’t want to lose. I didn’t delete any of the pictures.”

I can’t think of a response which is fine because Jeff calls for both of us to join them. We sit down at the table along with a few unfamiliar faces. As soon as we do they dive into the details, talking about how somehow Harry’s iCloud was hacked and that meant they had access to all photos.

“Well why are my pictures the only ones out there? It’s his phone that got hacked!” I yell.

“We don’t know.” Jordan answers, “We don’t know what else they got either. If they have more that they’re waiting to sell.”

“Fuck’s sake.” Harry mutters, rubbing over his eyes.

“Well Harry, got anything else I should worry about? Or any other girls you should warn?” I turn to look at him, a flash of red creeps up his neck and hangs around on his cheeks. It was a low blow, but it slips out before I can stop it.

“There’s no one else.” Harry answers, “And for other pictures I don’t know to be completely honest.

“Well, it might help for us to get an idea of what else could be out there. We should try and get an idea of what else the two of you have.” Jeff's words make me look to Anne, now it’s my turn to blush but she isn’t phased by any of it so far.

“Well it could be worse.” A man from Harry’s team states as he shuts his lap top, leaning in to join the conversation.

“How so?” Gemma prompts crossing her arms over her chest.

“Any publicity is good-”

“Don’t you fucking dare finish that sentence.” I cut off the man before he can continue. “You can’t talk. You can’t say any publicity is good publicity. Not until your body is trending on Twitter. Not until everyone with social media has seen your body, talked about it, and used it. Not until you have to call your parents and tell them you’re sorry and to stay away from phones for a while. Not until your body is no longer your body.”

The chair loudly scrapes against the floor as I stand up. I can’t sit here at the table and listen to them talk about it like it’s not as huge as it is. Because to them this is work, to me it’s my real life. I make my way towards the back porch. It’s always been one of my favorite spots. It’s got the best view of the garden.

I trust Jordan for decisions on this. She knows me well enough after all of these years together. They’ll run anything else past me, but I don’t need to be in there while they attempt damage control.

I sit down on the outdoor couch and pull my legs up to my chest. It’s peaceful for a few minutes and I just let myself bask in it. I could probably fall asleep if I tried, jet lag and all. It’s soft, but still loud enough for me to hear the door open. I turn to see Harry just standing there, trying not to invade my bubble while still giving me my space.

“C’mon.” I nod to the spot beside me. There’s no point in being mad anymore. What’s done is done. I will always love Harry more than the drama.

He shuffles over and takes a seat. A slow fog rolls in as it slowly gets darker.

“Do you ever miss it?” His voice quiet and steady. I don’t have to ask to know he’s talking about our relationship.

“Harry, we dated for three years, of course I’m going to miss that. Now what’s got you all sentimental? See those pictures and remember how good of a lay I am?” I tease bumping his shoulder with mine, with a smirk. He lets out an airy laugh, easing the tension.

“No, even before these past few days.” He finally looks over at me, tearing his eyes away from the yard, “I always miss you.”

“Harry.” I sigh. “We both agreed. We were both touring, we never even saw each other. And when we weren’t we were stuck in the studio. Different studios I might add.”

“Isn’t rarely seeing each other better than never?”

His question hangs in the air, both of us leaving it unanswered.

“I don’t know, Harry.” I answer after several minutes. The sun dips below the horizon, and my head dips down to his shoulder. “I don’t know.”

I don’t know how long we sit like that. The sun is gone now, and the breeze actually feels cold, but Harry’s arm is heavy and warm around my shoulder.

The door suddenly opens causing both of our heads to perk up. It’s Gemma with the smallest smile on her face.

“They’re asking for you guys in there.”

“Ready, love?” Harry stands, holding out a hand to pull me up with him.

“Well it’s now or never.”

part two? let me know what you guys think

[5uptic]

Hi! I moved here cause I can’t get a lick of sense from the people on bird app. Idk how to feel about this shitshow that I just witnessed. I just remembered there were more reasons as to why that person was banned. That person initially harassed a member of 5up’s community in which the mod defended. So the group disliked the mod too and continued to shit on them privately and publicly.

Next, thirst tweets can be funny to some. But others find it really uncomfortable which is understandable. They have made suggestive remarks about the pink man and even steve before (that peeps overlooked) but it’s not like the cc themselves are bothered (?). So idk even anymore.

I’m don’t know if I’m making any sense. I’m sorry for the spam ;( This is just the first time I just felt genuinely anxious seeing all the things said about 5up so I word vomited here.

oh my god. i had an entire response done and tumblr just GLITCHED in my face WHY

hey anon, don’t worry about it!!! tbf, i feel pretty much the same. i think the situation as a whole is pretty frustrating to see, especially with how it blew out of proportion in every way possible. honestly, feel free to vent in my inbox whenever you want!

with that said, though,

(because this will be kinda long, i guess)

overnight, it became clear that the nsfw part of the issue is not really an issue, besides being the recurrent meme for this situation. i read from various people that 5up explicitly said that he didn’t have a problem with the nsfw tweets when discussing this with the mods, but that he took that decision based on the harassment, which. ok another can of worms. to me, the thing is... smart fandom behavior is to always push away the things that you don’t wanna see. so nsfw jokes/tweets might be not of your liking. what should you do? the correct answer is, unfollow/mute/block the people that make them, and in general every person that you wouldn’t wanna share the fandom with. that’s to me the only way you can genuinely enjoy fandom as intended lol. but there are cases in which we do not take the smartest option. and we somehow make this our problem, which is the most typical case of twitter entitlement, that reads like “you’ve posted something i don’t like. Prepare To Die.”

when i saw the tweet pictured above in the thread, i was like ooooooooooh so this is just. typical twitter drama. which already highlights the entire issue with this... this is just twitter drama. why is twitch involved? how did the person get banned in both of 5up’s channels? if it were for twitter drama, or this person tweeted something i don’t like!, i’m sure hundreds of people would be arbitrarily banned. so that’s why it’s handled differently on twitch. now, i don’t know jasfer, like i’ve never talked to the guy, but i’m familiar with him. as someone who’s been a fan of 5up for like a year now, i know he’s been here from the start and he’s also a beloved chat member and person in the twitter portion of the fandom. it feels like insult to injury because it wasn’t that jasfer had a bad reputation in 5up’s chat or a bad relationship with most people in it. it’s just... such shitty luck on their part tbh lol

imagine if it were anybody else, like, two randoms on twitter. the best outcome to that would probably be an eventual block on both sides so they just stop talking about it all the time, right? except that this didn’t happen here because one of them happened to be a mod for a chat that the other person frequented. i think by now you know i don’t agree with the decision at all, then.

thing is, i can understand everyone’s sides and empathize with everyone. i understand why 5up stood up by his mods, i understand why the mod was anxious/felt targeted and resorted to this option, i understand jasfer’s anger/sadness from the outcome of the situation. but i’d still side with jasfer, nonetheless, because he’s the only one with no power here. the most that he can do is bring attention to what happened, but he can’t unban himself, or return in other account and expect everything to go well, etc. and it’s like, urgh. like if i was on their place i would be genuinely devastated lol.

now, i could be talking completely out of my ass, right? because i don’t know what really happened. maybe jasfer genuinely did incredibly shitty things and corralled the mod team and 5up into taking that drastic decision. but that’s just another part of the whole twitter drama of it all, isn’t it? see, when i was more active in twitter (in another fandom), if you didn’t like someone/something you’d talk shit about them in your rant. that’s how it went, and everybody did the same. in that part, i can understand how things grew out of proportion, but again, does anyone know what really happened besides the mods and jasfer? not really. and it’s hard to take a real stance because the whole thing happened on private twitter accounts. which yet again highlights how bad of a decision banning jasfer from both 5up twitch channels was, because, how are we ever gonna know if it was deserved? jasfer didn’t do anything wrong in chat, which is what should matter. and if the so called harassment (that we have to take 5up’s word for it!) happened in private rant accounts... is. is it really harassment? or like, was it just a case of people being (understandably) reactionary and doing what everyone else usually does in twitter dot com?

and the fact that the mod liked this tweet afterwards... isn’t that just incredibly petty? celebrating a personal victory after banning someone that has no say in the matter? jasfer said they tried contacting 5up through discord, and only made the thread days later because they never got a response. so it’s clear that 5up (understandably!) took their mods’ side and was loyal to them, but it came at the cost of what could’ve been a smarter, better decision for everyone involved. but now, because jasfer was left with no tools other than bring attention to his side of the story, twitter blew it out of proportion and everyone is very kindly sending dead threats to everybody involved.

sigh. it’s just... a big mix of terrible luck and bad choices. i usually agree with 5up when it comes to twitter stuff, but making it seem like he’s going against everyone is ignoring the fact that some twitter drama should’ve never made it to his twitch channel(s) anyways, and that a better decision should’ve been taken. now it’s just the worst of both worlds and no one got anything good out of it. like, arguably, the mod got what they wanted, but also got multiple death threats too. i doubt there’s any chance of jasfer ever coming back to 5up’s chat, at least not in the way it was before. because of the twitter thread including sapnap and this being a bad decision in general, a bigger audience now regards 5up badly and this will probably be a passing mention in the eventual cancelling 5up thread when twitter gets boring enough. like, meh. it’s just a mess to watch and it’s just depressing from every angle.

[kirbyspits]

A lot of Makorra shippers only moved on because they’re afraid of being called homophobic for not shipping korrasami. I LITERALLY saw someone on Instagram yesterday call a makorra shipper homophobic just for saying korrasami came out of nowhere. Also, Korrasami shippers LOVE to bring up the "popping bottles" backlash to make fun of makorra shippers. I left the tlok fandom in 2014 bc it was so toxic as a teenager, but now i’m 23. I’m no longer afraid of shipping something i always loved.

Ah, yes, I realized I didn’t address the fandom's toxicity in the last ask, but I’ve spoken about it before. I don't talk too much about the past because I was at the edge of the fandom back in 2014/2015. I was aware of fights, but the discussions I saw were moreso on bi-erasure. I saw one post saying it was wrong to ship Makorra. I remember being really confused about why Makorra was actually problematic, but I didn’t appreciate being told who I can ship the only dark-skinned woman protagonist on a major television network with. Why are you forcing me to ignore Mako and Korra’s relationship? Book 1 is practically about Mako and Korra, all other characters be damned. Me preferring the story of one pairing and a popular romance trope, second chances, is not wrong, and no one would know how I view the LGBT+ community based on who I ship in one show.

I ended up leaving the community because I was disappointed with season 4 in general. When Korra was released on Netflix, I figured it was time to rewatch the series again (plus, I’ve been binging all my favorite romance anime). So imagine my shock when I created a new Tumblr and Twitter account to rant and rave about TLOK, and I saw nothing but hate and name-calling in the Makorra tags. I saw people casually throwing around the word “homophobic,” and one person said people who don’t like Korrasami are just misogynistic. 

I just wanted pretty pictures, and people are out here psychoanalyzing shippers! So, I dug through some blogs and to feel more grounded with this fandom I didn’t recognize. After reading through their commentaries and experiences, I actually became more upset at Bryke than the teenagers/children who comment on Makorra posts saying how much better Korrasami is or accuse Makorra shippers of being homophobic. 

Yes, I truly believe these comments are mostly coming from people in their late teens and younger, at least in 2020. I can’t speak on 2014/2015, but since we were younger, the early 20s/late teens, I wonder if our age group was also the loudest. Don’t get me wrong, adults can be horrible people and can get really nasty. However, every time I look up the rudest commenters' profiles, they were teens. When one Korrasami shipper wrote “screw Makorra” on my AMV, I figured I’d have some fun trolling them until I clicked on their profile and saw a child. Needless to say, I ignored them and reflected on how parents are allowing their babies on TikTok while my parents freaked out at the idea of showing my picture on FB growing up. 

*I’m not still mad about that*

Also, while it doesn’t give anyone an excuse to make such a strong accusation, part of me, as a straight person, feels like I can’t get too upset because I also become very aware of my privilege. The space I’m in is a majority of young LGBT+ fans (at least on Twitter where I’ve seen the most toxicity). Some people see TLOK as their safe space and imply why should there be Makorra shippers when they have all these other cis/het shows they can engage with. It doesn’t work like that, of course. TLOK doesn’t only feature Bi characters. They’re POC/Indigenous, women, and Korra has dark skin. That’s a lot of marginalized communities. Makorra/TLOK is my comfort show, not because she’s with a man, but because of the reasons I just listed. Also shipping Korra with Mako doesn’t mean she’s no longer bi. She’d still be attracted to women.

Here’s who I am upset with tho, Bryke. Mostly Bryan. While Makorra shippers called out Korrasami shippers for cyberbullying, the focus seemed to be on Bryan for making it seem like there was something wrong with them for not finding Korrasami’s narrative satisfying. It was especially sad to read bloggers who identified as being part of the LGTB+ community saying Bryan’s hetero-lens dismissed their experience and then having to defend/proving themselves to anonymous messengers. 

Fans saw it as a betrayal. They saw it as the go-head for the rude Korrasami shippers to harass Makorra artists because they “didn’t watch the show correctly.” When the creator, the person you admire, also puts the blame on you, that kind of pain is on another level.

Korrasami shippers played a huge role in kicking Makorra shippers out of the fandom, but we can’t underestimate how much Bryan’s statement is a slap in the face. He used his characters and social justice as a shield for reasonable criticism. Just because we say a story is bad and Asami is grossly underwritten doesn’t mean that we’re against the idea of Korra and Asami being a couple. 

Of course, I’ve seen some very problematic statements from Makorra shippers. After all, homophobia is real. However, aside from the actual bigots, people have no issue with Korrasami. They just wanted a stronger connection between the girls. Many people seem to think Makorra shippers were looking for more romance, but we know we couldn't expect that. We can expect more screentime, musical cues, and more emotional support, which most people can see as platonic, but be romantic if you really want to. Mako’s interactions in book 4 can be seen as platonic, but all of us Makorra shippers saw it to be romantic.

Popping bottles! I completely missed that joke in 2014 and I discovered it this year. I agree it’s pretty annoying, but I become a troll and say I’m popping bottles for my Makorra moments. I don’t get any engagement, but I don’t seem to lose followers for it. Maybe popping bottles represents “straight-baiting?” I don’t get it why it’s so funny after all this time, but we’re Makorra shippers. We’re the joke 🙄

Anyways, to wrap up, lately, there seems to be a bit of a shift on Twitter. When I first created an account. I stayed in my little corner live-tweeting about TLOK and Makorra. I had to stop looking at the Makorra tag because it was so negative. Now, I’m seeing people admit they’re cute, and then saying they’re platonic soulmates. I’ll take it, although, as one commenter said, “that’s boring!” 

Someone led a Makorra Week back in October, and it was really nice! I have feeling people speaking up on the name-calling and reminding people that we’re talking about 2D characters helped. We just want to be left alone and enjoy the scenes we have in the show, art, and fanfiction. 

Keep shipping who you want! Don’t let any stranger shame you for your shipping preferences, especially in fiction! I’m so happy you feel more comfortable shipping these two dorks! You’re not alone! I’ve been a Makorra shipper since 2012, and while I find Korrasami cute (I love Korra, and I love Asami), Makorra is my OTP. I really like them, and I think they were meant for each other.

[lovelyirony]

Stars with thorbruce

Bruce remembers his mother’s hand smoothing over his curls, telling him stories of how the constellations came to be. He remembers hearing soft words of using the Big Dipper for milk and cookies. He smiles as he remembers asking his mother who lived among the stars. 

They were beautiful, surely someone had to live there. 

His mother smiled. 

“You will find it out, my smart boy. None of us know yet, although some of us have a feeling that we’re not alone in this galaxy.” 

Bruce would look out his window every night and ask the stars who among them lived in what world. He asked how their world was. 

Thor knew others lived other places. His mother read Loki and he stories of other people, how they lived. 

His father said how Asgard ruled it all with a golden-hued hand. 

He asks of Terran people, Midgardians. 

“You don’t need to concern yourself with them,” Odin says. “Now go and train. A weak king serves no purpose on a strong throne.” 

- 

Bruce does not smile when he realizes that there are others out there, not when he’s been dragged in as a monster to help fight other monsters. Accepted, just this once. 

He looks up at beings who look like stars for one brief second. And then they descend with a roar, and he knows. 

He turns, letting Hulk take the lead. 

His mother knew they were not alone. 

But she could not have known this was the result.  

- 

Thor is…different. He returns from taking his brother back to…Asgard? And he is quiet. 

Bruce just quietly moves around him to get his tea or food. 

“Dr. Banner?” Thor asks, his voice impossibly soft. It does not fit a man who is as large and imposing as he is. “Can you…what can you tell me about Earth?” 

“It sucks,” Bruce answers automatically. 

Thor blinks. 

Bruce does not want to explain why earth sucks. So he takes his naan and goes back to his room. 

- 

The god cannot leave well enough alone. He is knocking on Bruce’s door at eight o’clock in the morning. 

Bruce answers in an old t-shirt that’s seen better days, old pants, and bags under his eyes. 

“Why does earth suck so much?” 

Bruce sighs. 

“Go to the kitchen. I’ll explain there.” 

Bruce goes into a long-winded tangent about how much human invented concepts suck and how policy makes everything slow and he can’t even fly in a plane because he’s deemed a flight risk and people keep trying to kill him and the unending guilt over his own mistakes will be his demise. 

“Do you guys have therapy on earth?” Thor asks. 

Bruce laughs. 

“Yeah, we do. I need to find a new therapist soonish. Just hard with my…issue. Earth doesn’t suck. It’s cool.” 

“Show me?” 

“Uh…yes?” Bruce asks, blinking. “What do you want to see?” 

“What’s your favorite thing about earth?” 

Bruce has to think. 

“Come with me tonight. On the roof.” 

- 

The stars are never as bright as they were in Ohio, which is about the only good thing Bruce can say about Ohio. It’s the only good thing anyone could say, really. 

“Are you serious?” 

“Yes, never go there,” Bruce says. “Ever.” 

“…noted. Not even for one of your natural…reserve park things?” 

“Nope. Not even for those. You’re gonna get murdered there.” 

“I’m a god, Bruce.” 

“Ohio people only believe in one god, and that god is less jacked than you.” 

They laugh together. 

Bruce tells him all about his mother’s stories of the stars, what he learned from others. 

“Do you want to hear our stories?” Thor asks softly. 

They make a habit of going on the roof once a week, weather permitting. If it does not permit, they sit in the sunroom and have coffee, chatting that way. 

Bruce learns that Thor was alive when Nikola Tesla was, but never went to earth. 

“I was in training to become king, and Odin didn’t really want me venturing out too far,” Thor says. “But I heard that earth had some catching up to do. You definitely have us beat with food though. Damn.” 

They stare over at the stars. 

Bruce struggles to ignore his red cheeks or the fact that Tony keeps calling him “lover boy.” 

“Nope. I’m not that.” 

“Sure you aren’t, the rest of us spend time gazing into Thor’s eyes,” Tony says, batting his eyelashes. “Just ask him out already.” 

“Get therapy,” Bruce shoots back. 

“Are we talking about how we all need collective help?” Natasha asks. “I thought that was what Steve’s meeting was about tonight.” 

“Shit, I’m not going to that then,” Clint says. “Do you think he’ll buy it if I tell him that my dog has a son?” 

“I don’t buy anything, I grew up in the Great Depression,” Steve responds, coming down the stairs. “Also Clint, you have a dog? Since when?” 

“Since never,” Clint responds back. “I don’t have a dog.” 

“Good, Tony said no dogs.” 

“For Steve,” Tony mumbles. “But we’‘re missing the obvious part of this discussion, which is Bruce’s love-life.” 

“I don’t have one of those in stock.” 

“Check in the back,” Tony snarks. 

Bruce rolls his eyes. 

“I don’t have a love-life guys,” Bruce says. “The only thing I love is dismantling huge corporations that are evading ecological law.” 

“And also hanging out a ton with Thor,” Natasha responds. “Wait, are you–” 

“If we have to talk about emotions then I demand we discuss Natasha’s thirsty tweet about Sharon.” 

“My cousin, Romanoff?!” Tony yells. 

Bruce takes this time to escape down to his lab, where Natasha is not allowed in. 

“I cannot say with full certainty that she will not break in,” Jarvis answers. “But I will try my best, Dr. Banner. Hell hath no woman like a woman.” 

“You’re just as bad as Tony with phrases,” Bruce says. “But thanks.” 

Thor is down there. 

“Why is Natasha locked out of the lab?” 

“She told me that she preferred wine from California, she was obviously banned,” Bruce says quickly. 

“I thought last week’s argument was you and her against Clint,” Thor says. “And I think you won? Clint thought his expired Kool-Aid was wine. That was a very sad night.” 

Bruce freezes. 

“Ha. Yeah. That was right. She’s still banned.” 

“What was the debate upstairs about? I heard snippets about it. Tony said something about checking in the back? Is he mad about the fruit again? He can’t expect to buy strawberries and them to still be there.” 

Bruce laughs. 

“Nah, Steve’s having a group talk about therapy options for us. I think Tony’s gonna try and con his way out of it by pushing Bucky in front of him. It won’t work.” 

- 

As it turns out, Natasha has swift revenge. 

She can’t break into the lab. 

But she can make sure the two of them can’t break out. 

“Until you confess the door is gonna be closed,” Natasha says over the intercom. 

“Confess what?” Thor asks, looking nervous. 

“Oh…you know. Stuff. Now you have to by six, otherwise Steve will break you out and then you have to say it as a duo. Do you want to tell all of us or just the two of you…alone?” Nat asks. 

“Fuck you,” Bruce says, flipping off the sensor. 

- 

Thor’s nervous. He…this is new. He hasn’t liked someone is what is probably about two thousand years. 

Bruce is…he’s different. 

He likes the small things and rants about how stupid the smallest things are (like his least favorite spoon) and also looks phenomenal when the sun is shining and he’s laughing about a new story and…

Thor wants a forever. He’s known forever. 

But he hasn’t known forever with Bruce. 

And now they’re locked in his lab. 

Bruce bangs his head against the table. 

“Think Steve will break us out?” 

Thor is about to answer when the intercom comes to life again. 

“No, he won’t be,” Tony says. “I’ve managed to convince him to share his PowerPoint on what kind of fork he wants to reorder for the kitchen. He got passionate about what design he wants on the handle.” 

There’s a muffled yell that sounds suspiciously like “no curvature on the handle!” and then silence. 

“God,” Bruce mutters. 

They sit in silence for a moment. Thor’s not exactly sure what to say. It’s not like they make Hallmark cards for “you’re the first person I’ve loved in about two millennia and I want you to be mine until the earth implodes.” 

Similarly they don’t make a Hallmark card for “I thought I was incapable of love but now I’ve fallen in love with you and you’re a god and I’m a near-indestructible chaos-bringer.” 

It’s a work in progress for the card-making interns, honestly. 

“What did Nat mean by talking to me?” Thor asks. “I know this is probably gonna be awkward. Wouldn’t be locked into a lab if it wasn’t.” 

If Bruce had had maybe ten minutes to himself, he would’ve come up with a good lie. One that he could say without shifting eyes or a stuttering mouth. But he can’t. Lying takes time. 

“So I’m pretty sure I like you. As in want to take you out on a date like you. And I didn’t tell you because you’re a god.” 

Thor blinks. 

“Bruce no offense but you calling me a god and also seeing me at my lowest in salmon board shorts? Hilarious.” 

Bruce gives him a face. 

“You know what I mean.” 

“And I was going to say that I like you, but you are a brilliant scientist who changed your world through discovery, not by force,” Thor responds. “You love helping others and you also turn into a giant green guy who likes food trucks and hates not smashing things.” 

Bruce blinks. 

“Did we–?” 

“Yeah, we did. I also think this means we have an excuse to miss both Steve’s presentation on fork styles as well as his call for therapy, which in reality was only for Clint.” 

The lab doors open. Bruce automatically flips Natasha off, but is met with Natasha flipping him off. 

“Tony wants to talk to me about my ‘intentions’ with his cousin because of you, Banner. This means war.” 

“Well now I have a guy who has a giant, unliftable hammer on my side,” Bruce says defensively. He grabs onto Thor’s hand, grinning. “Just try me.” 

Thor smiles too. 

“I believe I owe Bruce a few more dates, so we will regrettably be missing Clint’s intervention,” Thor says. “See you later!” 

Clint makes a groupchat with them in it only to send: 

:((((( guys :( 

They don’t check it until the morning, after Bruce rolls over and complains that Thor has way better pillows. 

[uwua3]

therapist.

❄️📚 tsukioka tsumugi

summary: you don’t need a boyfriend, you really just need a therapist

warnings: cheating, exhaustion, heartbreak, jealousy, lack of communication, passing out, toxic relationships

author’s note: this is a song fic! it’d be cool to listen to the song as you read, obviously the lyrics won’t match up to the pace of the passage! i recently went through something like this and thought it would be important to address in a healthy manner ♡

sometimes, you can’t expect your s/o to be the person who “fixes everything”. remember to establish mental health boundaries + ask someone if they’re in the right headspace to emotionally support someone!

word count: 3,352

music: therapist – mae muller

YOU DON’T BRING HOME ROSES, YOU JUST BRING HOME STRESS

YOU NEVER SAY I LOOK GOOD, WHEN I’M LOOKING MY BEST

Tsumugi anxiously fixed his hair as he shifted around his phone’s camera angle facing him. It was so late, he had so much work on top of his tutoring shifts, but you kept putting off this call for so long. Said you were busy, but Tsumugi knew you were nervous to talk to him face to face. You pretended to have family errands even though he saw you active online, but he wanted to see you (even if it cost him another sleepless night and missed assignments).

It was ten minutes past the allocated time frame you had suggested to call, but you weren’t responding to his constant texts. Tsumugi straightened his sweater (lucky sweater, actually) and saw his face frown as the clock kept ticking against his will. You were late, that’s not new, but you would have at least notified him. Tsumugi flipped through your texts, trying to find something that would justify your absence. No matter, Tsumugi figured, knowing you wouldn’t be too long. After all, you guys were just taking it slow, maybe scheduled FaceTime calls weren’t that serious?

As Tsumugi leaned back and felt the weight of the day on his shoulders, he released a sigh of disappointment as he stared up at his room’s ceiling. Tsumugi was looking forward to this call all week now, feeling jittery to see his potential partner because he really, really liked you, it honestly scared him.

It was the first time in a while he got back into the love scene as other than the resident wingman, so putting himself out there was new. As a joke (and moment of desparation), Tsumugi tweeted how much he wanted a significant other and hit send before going to sleep. Yes, social distancing and quarantine were getting to him, bad. But, waking up and receiving a message at 4am was exhilarating.

You guys met online. First, it was you liking his tweets back and forth before you DMed Tsumugi. It was out of character for him to even consider responding to a stranger, but it was quarantine... and maybe this could have been some fun! It was a childish thought for someone his age, but as soon as Tsumugi sent a laughing emoji back, the two of you hit it off.

There was instant chemistry, spending hours everyday (time he didn’t have) to have engaging conversations together that made his heart jump every time you instinuated something flirty. Tsumugi’s last relationship was years ago, it had been so long, he didn’t know how to respond as well as you did. But, one thing led to another, and it was barely a week before Tsumugi confessed he liked you, embarrassingly enough. It was after you put out a Google Form application to get suitors to make him purposely jealous, and Tsumugi definitely hadn’t felt that jealous in a long, long time.

But, you wanted to take it slow. Talking about how you never had such a cute partner before, that Tsumugi was so considerate so you didn’t want to rush anything and ruin the potential. Tsumugi agreed immediately, he knew you weren’t ready for commitment and that was okay. Maybe, he could change your mind?

That night, you two talked over the phone for six hours. It was the highlight of his entire romantic life, it was his first date! Tsumugi remembered there was little to no awkwardness the first time around, and fell asleep at 6am just to wake up one hour later. Although he was exhausted and his sleep schedule was destroyed, Tsumugi never felt happier and more comfortable with someone else.

Again, Tsumugi felt himself dozing off before he heard his ringtone blaring. He jumped up and quickly accepted it despite his bedhead. Hopefully the entire dorm didn’t hear it (they did) and Tasuku actually believed he was going steady with someone. (“Seriously, this is the fourth night I’m kicked out of my own room.” Tasuku complained, but didn’t bother fighting it when he saw Tsumugi’s pleading eyes). There you were, on screen, and Tsumugi instantly flushed.

First of all, you were drawing as you sketched something out with your headphones in. Secondly, Tsumugi self consciously covered his sweater, he was way, way too overdressed when you were dressed casually. Third, you only smiled at him before resuming your activity. Not even a greeting? Maybe a compliment that he looked nice (it was the best Tsumugi looked all quarantine)?

Tsumugi didn’t see it coming. For the rest of the short hour they had together, you guys barely talked as you seemed distracted. When the call ended with the first thing you said all night, Tsumugi dropped back into his bed and shoved his face into his pillow. You didn’t even say anything? Were you busy? Was he inconveniencing you? The FaceTime call felt nothing like the voice call, it was so awkward. It felt like there was nothing there at all.

But, maybe he was being hasty? It can’t be love at first sight, they were both adults with jobs—right, a job. Tsumugi pushed himself up as he rolled out of bed, returning back to the stack of papers balancing his phone. Grabbing his red pen and keeping the desk lamp on, Tsumugi prepared himself for a very long rest of the night. After all, these papers weren’t going to grade themselves.

AND IF WE’RE STAYING UP ALL NIGHT,

IT’S CAUSE YOU’RE MOANING

(AND NOT THE GOOD KIND)

Tsumugi forced his eyes open as he glanced at the alarm clock between him and Tasuku’s beds. It was 5am, weren’t you tired? Tsumugi attempted to read the tens of large texts that detailed everything that went wrong that day, just endless complaining. Tsumugi tried his best to console you at first, but he was so, so tired. You two had been awake talking about the issue at hand for nearly six hours. How can someone even talk about themselves for that long? Tsumugi increased his screen brightness, he needed all the reminders to stay up as possible.

If Tasuku caught him still up, he’d be in for a scolding for sure. But, no one suspected a thing. Tsumugi always had low–energy, this wasn’t any different. Except, he was messing up the entire order of his day. Tsumugi was missing appointments despite being known as a punctual teacher, skipping out on chores in the garden, even avoiding the other company members altogether to prevent creating plans. It was taking a toll on Tsumugi’s mental state, but he had you... right?

Tsumugi didn’t want to burden you with his problems, though. You were going through much worse and needed an outlet to rant about it. There was nothing wrong with that, of course! He just wished, it was at a different time. Tsumugi did everything in his power to make you feel better from the predicament, but you didn’t change. You were just as frustrated as before, maybe even more.

Was Tsumugi really that bad at being a good “taking–it–slow” boyfriend? Tsumugi sank into his sheets, furrowing his eyebrows as he watched you leave without a warning. What could he had done different? Were you getting bored?

Tsumugi tossed and turned, unable to sleep as he turned on his phone to reread the conversation every thirty minutes or so. What went wrong? Why did you open up and suddenly disappear without thanking him? Maybe, it wasn’t his business anymore. Did you trust him?

Tsumugi fell asleep at 7am. He slept past his alarm, again.

WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY,

BUT NOT AT MY EXPENSE

You hadn’t responded to his texts asking about your day in forever. Your read directs were off anyways, so it’s not like he knew. But, Tsumugi started pacing his room as he kept refreshing your account. Were you okay? Did something happen? Could he have prevented this? What could he have—oh.

You tweeted on your private account. You were talking with someone else (Tsumugi scrolled back to the beginning of the thread), starting two hours ago. Huh. He hadn’t heard that you got a new friend, that was good! Tsumugi felt proud seeing you overcome your nervousness to interact with others, before he his heart dropped reading the tweets.

Was it normal for friends to talk like this? Tsumugi read the entire conversation despite his head telling him to respect your privacy, but how could he when you put it on his timeline? They were calling you your favorite endearment, and it stung when Tsumugi realized he wasn’t the only one who called you that. Ouch. Not only that, but it seemed exactly like the way you two started talking. It was flirty, to say the least.

Tsumugi heard everyone get called down to dinner and the rapid herd of footsteps running past his door. Tsumugi pocketed his phone, wanting to hear your specific chime as he joined the group to eat. He needed a distraction, but even Omi’s food couldn’t keep his mind off you and that new friend of yours.

Could this count as “cheating”? Was there even cheating in unofficial relationships? What stage were you guys at? Could Tsumugi ask you out right now and have it not be weird? Why were you, crushes so confusing? Tsumugi unintentionally sighed, eating slowly as he sensed multiple sets of eyes glance at him.

“You okay, Tsumugi? You look so tired~ even more than Hisoka!” Homare asked, a dramatic tone with his words but his eyes were concerned about the thin figure of his already skinny friend. Hisoka even nodded to strengthen the argument, poking at the egg white omelete with his fork. Tsumugi forced a casual chuckle, placing his utensils down to hide his shaking hands. Damn, caffeine.

“Sorry to worry you guys, I’m just getting more students, recently.” Tsumugi mentioned, awkwardly laughing to seal the deal. The other boys nodded, not trying to press Tsumugi for more information as they turned their attention back to the delicious meal. Only Tasuku kept his eye on Tsumugi, taking in the way his spine was slouched and focus seemed elsewhere.

Ducking his head, Tsumugi gripped the base of the kitchen chair, trying to keep the tears in as he thought of you. You who was probably messaging your friend instead of him. Leaving him on read for days.

This was the happiest he’s been... right?

THE MORE I LISTEN AND I LISTEN,

THE MORE I’M THINKING

Tsumugi was about to text you. He hated hiding these feelings from you, he wanted to be your boyfriend. He liked you so damn much.

As he was about to type a message explicitly stating how he thought you two were ready to pursue a serious, committed relationship, you texted him first (for once).

Tsumugi couldn’t even finish reading the message before running out of dorm room to the bathroom. Bumping into Azuma on the way out, Tsumugi dropped his phone in the corridor before disappearing behind the door to gag. Tsumugi tried to stop himself from throwing up but it was too late, he held himself over the toilet as he choked over his own spit. He couldn’t see anything, his vision was so blurry.

Tsumugi was so, so sick. Sick of all of this.

Azuma picked up Tsumugi’s smartphone and looked at the screen, seeing it was open to a number he had never seen before.

You: I don’t like you anymore, Tsumugi. I don’t want a relationship right now... I don’t think I even ever liked you as a crush.

YOU DON’T NEED A BOYFRIEND,

YOU JUST NEED A THERAPIST

Tsumugi: That’s okay! We can still be friends, right?

Life went on. At least, for you. You two still chatted every once in a while, and Tsumugi still put all his attention and effort despite knowing there was no possibility you liked him back anymore. It stung, to say the least. To know you ran circles around his mind all day and Tsumugi wasn’t even worth your time, it killed him. His attention span was limited to only reacting immediately when hearing your text tone.

Tasuku had to carry him back to the dorms after the whole bile episode. Azuma refused to say anything, locking his lips when Tasuku demanded to know what happened. Azuma casually suggested Tsumugi might have just had a bad case of food poisoning, much to the Mankai chef’s distaste. No one in Winter Troupe bought it but still took shifts checking Tsumugi’s health levels, acting like he had food poisoning when his puffy red eyes suggested otherwise.

When it was Azuma’s turn, he sat beside Tsumugi as he prepared the food. Tsumugi ate in silence and Azuma accepted that, knowing talking could ruin the mood. It was the first time Tsumugi was at least making an attempt to eat something. Without even looking, Azuma hummed as he gathered the plates after Tsumugi finished. As he rose, Azuma couldn’t help but turn back and rest a gentle hand on Tsumugi’s shaking form.

“I’m sorry.” Azuma quietly whispered and it was enough to make Tsumugi cry. Blinking rapidly, Tsumugi leaned into Azuma’s open arms as he hid his face in the latter’s chest. Azuma hoped no one heard Tsumugi’s sobs as he released all the pain you put him through.

There wasn’t much said, but it was enough.

Tsumugi slept that night. He woke up to his alarm and started the day without delay.

YOU GOT TOO MUCH DRAMA, I’M NOT QUALIFIED TO FIX

I WOULD HOLD YOUR BODY, BUT YOU WANT SOMEBODY THAT WILL HOLD YOUR SHIT TOGETHER

Tsumugi was going back to normal. He was arriving on time again (he muted your contact), taking care of the plants in the courtyard again (much to manager Matsukawa’s relief), and even actively went out with the other members daily. Homare stopped questioning him senselessly every moment, Hisoka offered him a marshmallow every once in a while, Azuma still suggested free cuddles at night, and Tasuku gave up on trying to find out whatever happened. Life went on.

Until, that night.

Tsumugi tried to avoid checking your texts, knowing he would be sucked in into the void if he did. But, you were sending multiple, which was strange. Tsumugi checked his surroundings, seeing Tasuku was out playing soccer with his friends. He had the room to himself for a while.

With no one to watch his every move, Tsumugi carefully opened your chat room and his heart soared.

You admitted you always liked him so much. You wanted to be in a relationship with him. You only lied to protect your own feelings. You wanted him back. You... liked him. Tsumugi didn’t see all the progress he made moving on get thrown out the window as he quickly sent a reply, agreeing to take things slow again to see how it would go.

Tsumugi wanted you to earn his trust again, even though he knew damn well he wanted to take you back in a heartbeat. Would you put in the effort? He was so curious. You two spent the entire night catching up and texting.

Tsumugi went to bed at 4am. He slept past his alarm again, again, and again.

I WANNA MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD, AND PUT YOUR MIND AT EASE

BUT I’M JUST WHERE YOU POUR OUT THE NEGATIVITY, I’LL GET YOU EXCITED

Tsumugi had high expectations for someone who didn’t change. You tried at first, checking in on him multiple times and even offering to help him out with anything. It was so nice being in the honeymoon phase, and Tsumugi was considering finally taking you back. But then, you slipped from his grasp. You stopped trying. You texted one–liners. You didn’t change.

This week was exams season. Tsumugi was overwhelmed with work and texted you his updated schedule so you weren’t upset every time he didn’t respond. No one noticed his unhealthy behavior starting to come back since he was always out tutoring students for their finals. Life seemed to stop, even though everything but you changed.

Tsumugi was on the train home, scrolling through his Twitter timeline to see you were active again. You were talking to that friend again. Tsumugi suddenly noticed how exhausted he was, holding onto the train pole as he rested his face against the cold metal. He needed a break, a long nap for eternity. He didn’t even know why.

Tsumugi didn’t eat dinner for the first time in a month. Azuma frowned when Tsumugi simply walked to his room, turning to see Tasuku doing the same concerned, parental expression. Azuma was about to open his mouth but stopped, instead exhaling sharply through his nose before volunteering to wash dishes. Tasuku assisted, forgetting all about Tsumugi’s lack of appetite.

Tsumugi didn’t sleep at all that night. At least, he didn’t miss his alarm, this time.

BUT IT’S SO ONE–SIDED

AND I’M GETTING TIRED OF FIGHTING FOR SOMEBODY, WHO AIN’T FIGHTING FOR ME

Tasuku had to drive his car to the student’s house after one of Tsumugi’s student’s parent quickly phoned the most recent contact.

“Tsumugi?” Tasuku answered, putting his phone between his ear and shoulder as he was supervising Winter Troupe’s street act on Veludo Way. Homare was pretending to be the equivalent of William Shakespeare, which didn’t require much acting to begin with. People loved it, though! Tsumugi couldn’t contribute since he had a study session. Maybe academics were really wearing him down, he looked more tired than ever.

“Hi, is this a friend of Tsumugi’s?” A woman with a worried voice asked. Tasuku put the flyers down as he held the phone, concerned, as he caught Azuma’s eyes staring intently. Had he always besn this curious? He usually minded his business.

“Yes, is everything okay?” Tasuku questioned, watching as Azuma made a graceful exit from the act as he made his way to Tasuku’s side. Tilting his head to the side, Azuma caught Tasuku’s face pale. Muttering a quick thanks and asking to be texted some address, Tasuku immediately started his car parked on the side without wasting a moment. Before he could run off, Azuma gripped Tasuku’s forearm and narrowed his eyes.

“What just happened?” Azuma inquired, his gut feeling proving him right when Tasuku shook his head. Stepping back, Azuma sighed as he notified Homare and Hisoka of their departure. When Azuma shuffled into the passenger seat, there was no time to put on his seatbelt as Tasuku punched in the address into the GPS and sped off.

“It’s Tsumugi, isn’t it?” Azuma cursed, holding onto the armrest as Tasuku’s grip on the wheel tightened. Tasuku didn’t take his eyes off the road.

“How’d you know?” Tasuku questioned, his voice carrying for miles. It sounded like an order, but Azuma fell silent and focused on the cars driving by. Tasuku swore before hitting the dashboard, making Azuma jump in his seat.

“How did you know?” Tasuku demanded again, even louder, as Azuma whipped his head to face him angrily.

“It’s not my place to say!” Azuma countered, immediately covering his mouth with his hand when he revealed there was something going on. Tasuku flinched, knowing it was the first time Azuma even raised his voice in fear of straining his vocal chords.

The rest of the car ride was silently tense. Azuma couldn’t help but shudder when he saw Tasuku carry a passed–out Tsumugi to lay in the back seat.

Tsumugi slept for the first time in a while. He woke up to something else other than his alarm.

Your text tone sounded. Tasuku checked the message, this time.

YOU DON’T NEED A BOYFRIEND,

TRUTH IS, YOU NEED A THERAPIST

You: I’m so sorry, Tsumugi. I like someone else, I’m sorry.

You started dating that friend of yours two days after Tsumugi officially called it quits on your friendship.

Tsumugi couldn’t sleep, all he could dream about was you. Tsumugi stopped setting alarms. Tasuku always turned them back on.

Life went on, for you.

[pccrunfortunatesouls]

|| Get to know SEBASTIAN “SKIP SPARKYPANTS” SEGURA who’s TWENTY-TWO years old and works as a POPSTAR in town. He is from NEW JERSEY and is often times mistaken for DIEGO TINOCO while others say he reminds them of SKIP SPARKYPANTS from THE FAIRLY ODDPARENTS. ||

Skip has been an attention seeker for as long as he can remember. Being the middle of five children, he was always the forgotten child and he felt like he had to work really hard to be noticed. He was always the king of running into the room shouting “hey mom, look at this!” and showing her a flip or a new dance moved he learned. And she always came back with a half-hearted “that’s nice sweetie”, only half watching and never giving the enthusiasm that Skip was looking for. It only pushed him to be louder and more obnoxious in his quest for getting attention.

He was always the kid in class that was getting in trouble for causing a disruption. You know the one I’m talking about. Since he wasn’t getting the attention he wanted at home, he decided he would get it from his classmates instead. He started out by making little jokes in class, usually at the teacher’s expense, that would make whoever was sitting next to him laugh. Then he started escalating it to physical comedy, one time disrupting the class for a whole twenty minutes because he thought it would be funny to stick his head through the hole in the back of the classroom chair and it got stuck. Even if people were laughing at him, he was getting attention the attention he wanted and he was starting to get addicted to it.

The first time he ever got attention from his peers where people were cheering him along rather than laughing at him was when he performed at the ninth grade talent show. He got up on stage and performed Shiny Teeth and Me, and the crowed absolutely loved it. Everyone was screaming and clapping, asking him to perform another song, and afterwards lots of people came up to him telling him how great he was. That’s how he got the idea to start his YouTube channel.

His YouTube channel was slow going at first, uploading a Chip Skylark cover every month or so and getting a couple thousand views. He was happy with even that, thinking that he was really doing something here. But over time his number of followers started to grow until he was uploading a cover at least once a week to appease the hundreds of thousands of people that were tuning in. And much to his surprise, almost all of the comments were good. People were loving him. For the first time ever, Skip was thinking he might try to make music his career and even had plans to apply to NYU for performing arts when he graduated high school. And then one day when he was eighteen, Chip tweeted out some fan covers, Skip’s cover of Icky Vicky among them, and his whole life changed.

Overnight, Skip’s video had over a million views and he could hardly believe what was happening. Chip Skylark noticing him would have been enough for him, because as much as he didn’t talk about it, Chip was his absolute idol. Watching a latino pop star get such commercial success meant everything to him, and Skip wanted nothing more than to be just like him. He even brushed his teeth religiously, just so if he ever met Chip the man would be impressed with his own shiny teeth. He was obsessed. And now here Chip is, being the absolute angel that he is and kickstarting Skip’s career, because only a week after Chip tweeted his cover, Skip got a call from a talent scout.

The talent scout made all sorts of big promises to Skip about how he was going to be the biggest international pop star in the world, even bigger than Chip, and he jumped at it without a second thought. He didn’t even consult his parents or take the time to thoroughly read the entire contract; he just withdrew his acceptance from NYU, signed the contract, and was ready to get into the studio. Skip was born to be a star, and finally other people were realizing it. Everything he wanted was coming true.

It wasn’t long before Skip learned that he probably should have read the fine print of his contract, because his record label practically owned him. Skip didn’t have any creative say in any of the music he was making, didn’t even have any say on the outfits he was wearing. Which is exactly how he became Skip Sparkypants. One day while he was in a fitting for his first show, a rep from the label came in with the ugliest pair of sparkly red pants that Skip had ever seen in his life. He was no stranger to wearing ridiculous clothes, doing it all the time when he was in high school to get attention from the girls he liked, but he had really thought this was going to be a time to reinvent himself. To go on stage looking cool. He tried to protest, told his manager that under no circumstances would he go on that stage looking like a disco ball, but he quickly learned that he had no say, that this was going to be his thing. It was his way of competing with Chip Skylark. Chip had his shiny teeth, and apparently Skip had his sparkly pants.

While he was originally deeply upset about his lack of creative control, as soon as Skip got his first taste of fame he didn’t care anymore. It turns out that his fans really loved the sparkly pants, so what was he protesting for? It wasn’t long before the fame was completely starting to get to Skip’s head. He’d never received this kind of attention before, never been loved and adored, and it turned him into kind of an asshole. He had high demands, got snappy and impatient with everyone that worked with him, and was just overall a dick. He even started getting so full of himself that he would request things like only red m&ms in his dressing room, because red m&ms were the best, just like him.

As soon as he started developing an attitude, his team put him through extensive media training to make sure he didn’t ruin his image. He was being billed as a sweet, caring, fun guy, a total heartthrob, and his team wasn’t willing to risk losing that image. And he got incredibly good at it. While he’s a dick behind closed doors, throwing around demands, and even somethings throwing tantrums like a petulant child, in front of his fans and the media, he’s the best. Girls want to be with him, guys want to be him, and both his music and his image are skyrocketing.

His rivalry with Chip started out slowly. The first time they met, Skip was so excited to meet his idol, the man that kickstarted his career, and it broke his heart to learn that Chip truthfully had absolutely no idea who he was. And Skip really got his feelings hurt about it. Rather than just waiting until Chip learned who he was, Skip started becoming a little bit of a dick to Chip every time they saw each other. Eventually Chip started being rude right back, and over the years it’s started to grow and take a life of it’s own. Now they absolutely loathe each other and everyone knows it.

It wasn’t that Skip wasn’t a famous pop star, because he was. He was still selling out his concerts, but his venues were just a bit smaller than the ones Chip was playing it. He was still doing numbers on the charts, but he kept charting lower than Chip. He was still chased down by mobs of fans that passed him on the street, but those mobs were just a bit smaller and screamed just a little quieter than the ones that chased after Chip. When he was first discovered, the scout promised that he would be an even bigger star than Chip, and Skip just can’t let that go. Too busy focusing on being better than Chip, he hardly takes the time to enjoy his own success.

The Incident, as he likes to call it, happened so quickly that he barely remembers it. After having one (or five) too many drinks at his place, he was on the way to the club with his friends when a fan stopped him to ask for a photo. He was so excited until she called him Chip, and then something in him snapped. Maybe it was the alcohol, or perhaps it was the years of boiling resentment for the other star, but Skip just exploded. How dare she confuse him for that shiny teethed little bitch? He started screaming it at the top of his lungs, ranting about everything that’s wrong with Chip Skylark. Don’t you know who I am? he remembers yelling, not paying any attention to the fact that everyone around them had started taking out their phones to film his meltdown. He only shut up when his friends physically dragged him away, and even then he went with a bit of kicking and screaming.

After an agonizing day curled up on his couch under a weighted blanket, watching the video being circulated all over Twitter and Instagram, Skip pulled out the old notes app to post an apology to his account. Saying that he made a mistake and didn’t mean what he said, and he was very sorry to any of his fans that he hurt. He was going to try to be better. Skip posted it with all the confidence in the world, sure that it would be enough to get his fans back on his side, but all the negative comments just kept coming. His fans were disappointed, wanting to know what happened to the fun loving Sparkypants the knew and love. Suddenly they were questioning him, they couldn’t trust him anymore, and Skip’s team knew they had to take some sort of action.

Skip originally had no real intentions of becoming a better person while he’s in Corona, even though that’s very much his team’s intentions. They want him to take a long, hard look at himself and work to improve, but he doesn’t want to do that. What he wants is a long vacation on a beautiful island, and the chance to fuck with Chip Skylark. Everyone has heard the rumours that he’s having a hard time finishing his album, and he thinks this is his opportunity to finally get the one up on him.

Though many fans seem to be under the impression that Skip’s real name is Skip Sparkypants, it definitely is not. His real name is Sebastian Segura, but Skip is a nickname given to him by his family from the time he was born, and it just kind of stuck. And Sparkypants… well, everyone’s seen the man’s pants.

While he’s gotten out of the habit of cooking ever since becoming famous, because he has a chef to do that for him now, he’s always been a really good cook. Growing up he was always expected to make dinner for the family at least once a week, and those skills aren’t something that just leave you, even if you don’t use them anymore. His favourite first date move is to invite his date over to cook enchiladas because he thinks it makes him look humble.

The man is loud. Just… so very loud. Even with international love and success, he’s never gotten over his need for attention and will do anything he can to make sure he gets it. Usually that involves telling stories or jokes loudly and obnoxiously so everyone can hear. If he’s in the same area as you, you’ll know it.

Deep down, when he really tries to access his emotions, Skip is incredibly insecure and just doesn’t think he’s good enough. It’s why he’s so loud and obnoxious all the time. He thinks that if he puts on a front and appears confident, everyone will believe him. So far it’s working pretty well.

He has a pet hamster named Cornelius that he absolutely adores. Thinks he’s the cutest little guy in the world. If he’s not posting pictures on Instagram of himself or promoting his music, it’s pictures of little Corny.

[ashes-and-ashes]

Quidditch Matches

eg a Professional Quidditch au

~

Sirius never gets sick of the roar of the crowd.

He feels it; the screaming, the yelling, feels the energy coursing deep in his bones. It’s infectious, the thousands of people filling the stands, the air so cold it hurt his lungs. He breathes in deeply until his lungs hurt, flexing his fingers at his side.

When he hears his name - Black, Sirius! he steps onto the court, broomstick slung carelessly over his shoulders. The crowd goes wild - he’s always known how to do this, the cocky smile and the raised eyebrows, head tilted just so. A lifetime lived in the harsh gleam of the cameras and Sirius knows he can’t let the mask drop just for a second. He gives the crowd a two-fingered salute - they scream their approval and Sirius laughs as he goes to join the rest of his teammates.

“Done posing?” James asks. His hair is even more ruffled then usual - Sirius smirks to himself as he remembers James’ locker room rant, pacing up and down the rows of benches as he tugged at his hair. Lily stands next to him, her helmet tucked underneath her arm, hair a fiery red against the dark blue of their robes; she shoots Sirius a fierce grin.

“Who knows? Maybe he’ll retire from Qudditch one day. Become a porn star.”

“Tried that,” Sirius counters, ducking under Benny’s outstretched arm and slinging his hand around Dorcas to join in the huddle. “Didn’t work. See, the lenses weren’t big enough to capture my - “

James clears his throat. “Look guys. It’s the deciding match. Whoever wins this makes it to finals.”

“Semis,” Lily corrects.

James rolls his eyes. “I have good news and bad news. Which one?”

“Good,” Sirius says, and the others murmur their assent. James nods.

“Good news is that Mulciber is out. Turns out Peter hit him a little bit harder then he intended to.”

Peter shrugs, his beaters bat slung casually over one shoulder. “Bruised?”

“Broken,” James replies, and Peter’s eyes widen. “He’s done. He won’t be in for another season at least.”

Benjy snorts. “That’s probably good. I was this close to killing him after what he did to Caddy in playoffs. That body check was illegal.”

Caradoc rolls his eyes. “Shut up, Fenwick.”

“Oh, make me Dearborn - “

“Bad news,” James says, speaking over them, “Is that they have a new player. Looks pretty good from what I can see. He’s a seeker.”

Sirius feels all eyes turn towards him. He shrugs - Sirius was the best in the league for a reason, with a perfect history of catches. “Is he any good?”

“Guess you’ll find out.”

Sirius smirks. “Don’t think so.”

“Careful,” Lily says. “Don’t want to get cocky.”

Sirius gives her a mock bow. The sound of horns startle them all out of their bickering - their heads all snap up, watching the doors at the opposite end of the court. Schooling his face into a neutral expression, Sirius watches the familiar parade of their rivals.

The names drone in his head - they had practically memorized the order by now. It had started ages ago, when they had managed to beat them 280 - 300 at their first ever finals and the rivalry still was going strong five years later.

Longbottom, Frank! Bones, Edgar! Fortescue, Alice!

Sirius smiles to himself - Alice and Lily had a known rivalry as the two best Keepers in the league. He stifles a laugh as Lily clenches her jaw, eyes burning.

McKinnon, Marlene!

Beside him, Dorcas lets out a long sigh. ���If she wasn’t on the other team I might have thought about banging her.”

Sirius shrugs. McKinnon was a Chaser, notorious for her perfect aim. “I can see it,” he says, and Dorcas shoves him.

He nods as the announcer calls out Prewett, Fabian and Prewett, Gideon - the twins were legendary, arguably the best beaters in the league. Sirius watches Peter and Dorcas size them up, bats at their side.

He glances up at the magical whiteboard, the names magically erasing from the surface, and Sirius finds himself holding his breath -

Lupin, Remus!

He can’t stop himself. Sirius leans forward, interested to see who his new opponent is when Lupin steps through the door and Sirius’ heart stopped dead.

He’s not some inexperienced schoolboy - Sirius has seen plenty of beautiful people, cold elegance and haughty arrogance. He’s grown up with them all his life, black lace and pearls, the glint of gold in earlobes and at throats, rings and bracelets and pins.

So he doesn’t know why his heart stutters, why his breath hitches when his eyes fall on Remus Lupin. He was different - all long limbs and curly hair, his hands tucked over his broom. There was something different about him, a keen sort of awareness that filled his body - Sirius suddenly knew with sinking certainty that this Remus Lupin would be a nightmare on the court.

There’s no time to ponder this though - Sirius realizes with a jolt that everyone had already gotten into their starting positions. He swallows hard, casually slings his broom around his arm and saunters over to check Remus.

Remus’ eyes narrow slightly as Sirius comes closer. He’s leaning against his broom; Sirius can see the silver letters imprinted on the wood, R. Lupin. He grins, all teeth, savage ferocity in his eyes.

“So you’re the new Seeker.”

Remus raises an eyebrow. His eyes are gold, true gold, sunlight on amber and streaks of bronze and Sirius wonders if he could ever paint them. “No,” Remus says, his voice smooth and even. “I actually just polish everyone’s brooms.”

“Oh really?” Sirius smirks. “How do they like their brooms polished?”

Remus shoots him a flashing smile, one that let Sirius see past the calm exterior and into the raging fire at his core. “Extremely well,” he replies, then turns to watch James and Fabian Prewett shake hands. Sirius follows his gaze, shaking his head - Remus Lupin was obviously a Class-A Asshole.

He tunes out the post-game speech - his head is pounding, adrenaline filling his body. He barely even waits for the starting whistle - at the first tweet he’s off, the lights in his eyes and the air around him.

He’s always loved flying, ever since he was a kid, used to weave his toy brooms around trees and through rocks, ducking down so low he could brush the ground. He remembers falling off his broom once, snapping his wrist - he tried out for the team in a cast.

His broom turns smoothly in his hand; Sirius grins as he yanks it up, executing a perfect hairpin turn above Remus’ head. Remus levels an unimpressed look at him.

“You going to play the game like that?” he calls - Sirus’ hair is a wind-tangled mess, all curls and knots.

“Mind your own business, Princess!” Sirius yells back. He does take a minute though to scrape his hair up into a bun - the crowd behind him goes wild. Remus just rolls his eyes, settling into position, golden eyes scanning the pitch.

When the second whistle blows he’s off - the Snitch is a blur of gold against the clashes already happening below him, near-invisible against the frenzy of balls and bodies. Sirius laughs, dripping down to weave in between the broomsticks, eyes roaming the field for any hint of gold.

He glances up just in time to seen Lily casually intercept a ball, tossing it to James as he swooped by. Alice bats his shot away without blinking an eye - Frank Longbottom pulls into a long swoop to reach it before James did -

“Crap!” Frank hisses; Peter had aimed a Bludger at his head. He had to spin to avoid it, giving James plenty of time to reach the Quaffle; he passes it to Benjy who managed to slip it into the hoop behind Alice.

The crowd roars - Sirius’ heart swells with triumph as he spits the magical whiteboard blur, a huge 10 appearing. He can hear Benjy’s whoop from across the pitch - Sirius smiles. “Let’s Go!” he screams.

“Losing focus, Black?” Sirus whips around - Remus is hovering a few feet away from him, tone mocking. Sirius replies back easily, the humor in his voice not quite masking the venom.

“Just trying to give your team the chance to win,” he replies. “You know. Cause they need it.”

Remus gives him a small shrug and God, if he wasn’t such an asshole, if his eyes weren’t so bright and his body so lean -

“Heads!” Dorcas shrieks - Sirius barely manages to swerve to the right before she’s bashing it, sending it careening towards McKinnon. She’s aimed it perfectly - the ball smacks right into the Quaffle, narrowly missing McKinnon’s fingers.

“You fucker!” McKinnon shouts, already diving for the ball. Dorcas blows her a kiss.

“Stop flirting with the Seeker,” she tells him, and then she’s plunging back into the fray below. Sirius looses a long sigh, pulling his broom down into a steep dive - the Snitch was right by James’ ankle -

There’s a blur of purple in front of him - Sirius just barely manages to hold on as Remus crashes into him, sending him careening away from the center. He swears, fingers digging into the wood so hard that he feels his nails bend, pressing back into the skin.

“Asshole,” he mutters. Remus ignores him, swooping into an inpossibly sharp dive. Sirius shakesthe dizziness, follows him -

The only warning he gets is the soft whoosh of the ball; Sirius flattens himself to his broomstick as the Bludger flies inches away from his head. He spins, dragging his gaze up to see Gideon Prewett’s grinning face, his bat dangling in one hand.

“Sorry Black!” he calls and then Sirius is accelerating forward, towards Remus who was swooping for something and the crowd was going wild -

Sirius grit his teeth, out on an extra burst of speed and body-checked Lupin away from the Snitch. He lunges for it but it’s too far away - he sees it disappear into the mass of bodies. There’s another scream from the crowd - he looks up at the board.

70 - 80. They were losing - only by 10 points but losing all the same. Remus shoves him, hard enough to send him spinning and crashing against the walls of the stadium.

“Fuck off.”

“Make me.”

“I’ll punch your teeth out. Will that help?”

“I was going to say you could gag me but - “

Remus rolls his eyes. They’re circling each other, high above the scuffle for the Quaffle down below. He studies Sirius for a moment then gives him a fleeting grin - full of light and electricity and that forever-stubborn determination that Sirius had. “You could stay out of my way.”

“You need a telescope? Maybe you’ll actually see he Snitch then.”

“You need some safety charms? Maybe you’ll actually learn how to fly.”

Sirius shoves him again; Remus just laughs as he lets himself be pushed backwards. “Better step up the trash talk. You sure aren’t good at it.”

Sirius rolls his eyes, diving down into a deep dive. He can hear his teammates down below - James’ frantic orders, Lily’s calm responses, Benjy’s insults and Caradoc’s booming laugh. He can hear Peter and Dorcas too, the voices of his family and teammates and best friends in the world and he knows he can’t let them down.

McKinnon swoops over him, blonde hair shining under the harsh lights. She intercepts the Quaffle with a grin, winking at him before tossing it up. Sirius can tell from the roar that she must have scored. He grits his teeth - he can’t see Remus through all the bodies, and he has no idea where the Snitch is -

He spots it just as Remus does - right in the middle of the court. Sirius leans forwards, urging his broom to go faster, to out face Remus -

His hands are almost around it when Remus knocks him away. Sirius grits his teeth and shoots forwards, pinning Remus against the wall, his broom blocking Remus’ broom and his face too close to Remus’. “Let - go - “

“Give me then damn Snitch,” Remus hisses - Sirius again can’t stop noticing his eyes. “Bastard.”

“You - “ Sirius breaks off - he spots the Snitch at the exact same time that Remus does. They both reach for it, so fast he doesn’t know -

An ear-splitting siren fills the room, making Sirius jump with shock. His pounds as he scans the room, the scoreboard - both sides were at 130, which meant that...

“Hey,” he says. His voice sounds hoarse, rough and raw from yelling. “Who - “

He looks down. A wave of disappointment runs through him - “Shit!”

“How did this - “ Remus begins, then falls silent.

The two of them stare at their interclasped hands, palms pressed together. In the center lay the Snitch, caught in the middle by the both of them, wings still fluttering slightly.

“Fuck,” Remus says. “It’s a tie.”

[btsandvmin]

Getting it out of the way...

Okay, so here’s the thing. I get a lot of questions about other ships, mainly about Ji/kook and I just want to say that while I understand that a lot of you are curious about my opinion on them there are a few things I would like to say about the topic of other ships. 

If you don’t want to read about other ships I suggest you don’t keep on reading. I also apologize if I sound rude and that this post is a mess, but I really just wanted to answer this and get it done as I don’t really find much pleasure in it.

I want to say to you who sent these asks that I hope you don’t feel that I have anything against you, because you have said nothing wrong or offensive. You clearly like my posts and I really love you all for supporting me and liking my thoughts to much! <3

I just don’t really like talking more about other ships than Vmin. So sorry if you feel sad about my replies. I wasn’t actually sure if I should answer some of these questions at all.

However I am, but be aware that this could be difficult to read for shippers of “all sides” including Vmin shippers. It’s basically just me ranting and speculating as I share my own views.

First of for me it’s much more fun to talk about Vmin and their bond, it’s what I love and it’s the reason I made this blog. Again, not to prove what ship is real or not, but simply to talk about Vmin and what if’s based on things I notice. Also as a bit of a counter to other shippers who love to analyze but always act 100% certain of being right. I also still think that most likely BTS has non straight members but that the odds of there being an actual couple are rather small. But if there is one maknae line is definitely the most suspicious ones for various reasons.

Secondly even if another ship is real you can’t put the relationships against each other. Seeing more of one dynamic doesn’t automatically mean that the other is lesser or has been replaced. Even if two of the members are together why does that mean that they wouldn’t be close with or love another member? If that would be true it would reflect rather poorly on the members involved, basically either making them obsessive/possessive/jealous to the point where it affects their relationship with their friends. Or being neglecting towards your friend because of a romantic relationship. Maybe this could be true in the start (honeymoon phase) of a relationship but we are talking about people who know each other and has been friends for years. You really think Jimin or Tae would abandon the other to the point of not spending any time together outside of work? We know that’s not true, we know they still spend time together even if we don’t hear about it as often. I just think it’s weird to pitch the members against each other in that way, or imply that one or more of them would be insensitive enough to do this for such a long time even if someone suffers for it. Love is not a competition. Fine if it would be mutual and they wouldn’t want to spend time together, but at least we can see that Vmin clearly love each other and they still indicate often that they like spending time together. So why wouldn’t they?

Thirdly, do you even realize how much we don’t get to see? I’ve said it before but idols manage to have relationships that are completely hidden with people they can’t meet very often. If BTS has a couple within the group they surely get to spend more time together than the normal relationship even outside of what we as their fans get to see. But it’s also much more risky and easy to expose if you say or do the wrong thing. Even if fanservice is something they can hide behind partly. In this sense, even Tae/kook makes more sense with how little we get to see from them despite obviously knowing they spend time together too. Just saying that no matter how much we think we get to see, there is still a lot we don’t see. And the things we do get to see are edited and often managed by Big Hit (even though I do not think that all the staff like editors and directors etc would be aware of a relationship if is there is one).

Fourth if there is an actual homosexual couple I think it would be in both their own self-interest and from Big Hit’s perspective to not let it show, at least not too much considering how the fans really look into every single thing. I could be wrong and maybe Big Hit is planning to let Ji/kook come out or be in a glass closet, but it would likely be devastating to their careers. Just a few days ago I saw Korean netizens comment that homosexuals are basically psychopaths. It would mean that they would put being together openly above the success of the group and honestly I just personally don’t think that fits with either Jimin’s nor Jungkook’s personalities who has sacrificed a lot of other things for BTS and their fans (I know this sounds horrible, just saying it’s a huge deal). Not right now at least, when they have renewed their contracts and still has military service to go through. Engaging in “homosexual activities” during military service is even punishable by law in Korea. Of course I don’t know any of this as fact and I do think Big Hit and BTS are very forward thinking and obviously pro LGBT+, so who knows. It would also be a huge deal that would help a lot of people, but as of now I just think it’s unlikely that they would let any member come out as non straight, and even less a couple. Their general attitude towards publicly showing support has grown, but it’s still careful and they would definitely lose a lot of fans, not the least in Korea.

Fifth, the fact is that Ji/kook is getting PR from Big Hit. Most of, if not all, things that reach us be it videos, tweets or written interviews are probably looked over by Big Hit (also remember Vmin checking their answers with each other?). Especially if they have something to hide they would probably have teams that made sure things stayed hidden. I think JK even talked about how they have staff up working while they are on vlive to check reactions etc. It’s just common sense for entertainers of any kind to have their image managed by their company at least to some extent. Also, leaks by staff is how most info on idols’ private info leaks, so a thing like this would be handled very delicately if you don’t want to get exposed. The exception here would be if no one knew about this except Ji/kook basically, but then that wouldn’t explain why Big Hit helps promoting them, also if that would be the case I imagine they would rather act even more careful.

Now of course not all staff could know about them hiding such a thing and things would slip through from time to time no matter what. But you all realize that things like GCF are right there on their official channels? That Ji/kook got asked about the trip several times, and even got moved in the Harajuku sweets interview so that we would get to see the question “What do you like about Jimin?” from JK. And why does Big Hit refuse Taehyung to sing the song with Jimin, if they are okay with promoting Ji/kook in quite obvious LGBT+ ways?

I don’t deny that Ji/kook don’t spend a huge amount of time together, or that they aren’t close, because they surely are. I also don’t think promoting a ship to hide another makes sense, so it’s definitely genuine from their side. They also do have suspicious moments and likely has hidden in each other’s rooms etc. But all I can say is that IF they are together it would seem like they don’t care about being discreet at all. Jimin has even been described by JK as “shameless” and I think the word fits with Jimin’s attitude towards JK since the beginning. Personally I don’t see much of a change in Ji/kook relationship from his side at all. And that is fine, maybe they just are that open and don’t care about being careful at all… But then that begs the question “why does Jimin act careful in regards to Taehyung?" I’m not kidding when I’m saying Jimin and Taehyung acts stiff or quiet at odd times like they try to hold back things, or that they really do seem reluctant to be alone live together.

Below you can see some asks I have gotten on these topics and honestly I kinda just want to get them all out of the way at the same time, because a lot of the things are the same. Sorry if I come off as rude, but I really don’t want to talk too much about other ships, both because it’s not really in my main interest and secondly because I think everyone should ship what they like and I am not here to talk badly about any ship.

Again, don’t feel bad for sending me these asks, and I hope you don’t feel insulted by my replies. These are sensitive topics after all and this is merely how I feel about various things.

 Asks are in cursive:

sometimes i cant help but feel really weird about vmin and feel insecure ji/kook are always together on stage and off stage even in one of taes vlives he said he wanted to call jimin but hes probably with jungkook and so many other things in memories of 2018 i really love vmin but i feel so sad and can’t help but feel that they’ve grown apart and jimins replaced tae with jungkook it makes me upset to think that maybe they fought and arent together anymore :( i’m sorry for bothering u

Even if Jimin spends more time with JK than Tae we don’t see everything and we don’t know everything. But I am confident that Vmin love each other and we know they spend time together that we don’t see. I doubt Jimin would “replace” Tae with JK, and once again their love is not something we as bystanders can measure based on the amount of screen time or tweets we get to see of certain pairs.

Heelow i just wanna ask a quick question, do you watch jik analysis videos especially that one popular shipper named kook/min/world on YouTube and Tumblr her analysis are........ STRONG I've been stalking her on Tumblr and she acts like she knows things and not gonna lie some of the things she says do come true 😕 Anyways where are you we miss you soo much mommmmyyyy 😭

I have watched some, though I can’t recall exactly which ones and what they were about (watched too many random analysis videos to remember who made them). And I agree, there are some strong compelling arguments, both for ji/kook and tae/kook. But most of them are still based in sharing rooms or the GCF or “jealousy” and frankly to me that isn’t enough even if all of them are true. The step from sharing a room to being in a relationship is rather huge if you ask me. And we know idols can be careful about showing things like that even if it’s all just rumors. And again, the behavior of ji/kook just doesn’t seem to show that they are trying to be careful about anything. But that’s just me.

As for knowing things there are plenty of inside information to be found if you just dig enough. It’s difficult to know what to trust and especially shipping info is very hard to trust. There are things like sound of JK and Tae playing games and swearing out on the internet, there are alleged fake dates with women, and not the least many fans knew about the huge internal problems that BTS experienced during 2017-18. So yes, there is of course a chance that people have obtained inside information but it’s really difficult to know what to trust or not even if some things prove to be real later on.

I appreciate your opinion , coz i find it pretty logical and mature. So i have some question about ji/kook . What do you think . Why Jin asked in recent run episode to Jm and JK "Are You Guys dating ?" i also noticed that Tae at that time seemed so quite and distante .. and he didn't laugh with other memebers after that . What do you think why memebers would say such thing as "joke" and do u think it's a joke ? Also Tae's reaction intrigued me and i think didn't other members noticed that too ?

Thank you! I try, though of course it’s extremely difficult to know everything as what is logical to me might not be logical to someone else etc. Still, I’m happy to hear you say my thoughts seem logical and mature.

For me personally things like Jin asking “Are you guys dating?” is one of the biggest reasons I don’t think it’s true. It would be a huge risk and the only reason I could see anyone doing that is if they know the truth will be out soon. They’ve also said this to other members as a joke, so that’s honestly what I think it is; a joke.

Taehyung’s reaction to things like this I have noted tend to be very muted. But on the other hand he also has a neutral face that looks rather sad, meaning he could really just have no real reaction. This is a huge problem I see in analysis videos all the time, that the person analyzing doesn’t actually seem know the members enough to know them “on their own”. Like Tae having a rather “sour” looking neutral face or for example JK who has a billion nervous habits, one which is the famous “tongue” thing. Meaning you can’t automatically assume that things only has that one meaning etc.

hello I really liked everything you write about VMin, I love that relationship that I do not consider it a Shipp anymore, for me it is the purest and most real relationship that any other shipp, I wanted to ask you what do you think about the rings I mention JK in Busan? Jimin got very nervous and JK hinted that it's something between him and Jimin, why did he do that? If you say that BigHit gives you rules to not show your love or your relationship, why did you do that ?, despite that situation

Thank you so much! :) VMin truly has an amazing bond!

I have heard about the rings, though I don’t know if it was confirmed to be exactly those rings (aka wedding/engagement) but I am not sure I know what moment you are talking about with Jimin seeming nervous. I’m guessing it might be from muster, but if someone knows please let me know.

Again, I have no idea what Big Hit says or does (though we do know some things like Tae not being allowed to sing with Jimin or Docskim not being allowed to release the behind story of Lie etc) all I talk about is how I assume they would manage such a situation. But there could be many other ways I can’t even think of. Basically it’s all a guessing game, but personally I think it would be in Big Hit’s interest to not let BTS “run wild” with certain things (like the no drunk tweeting rule). Also even if Big Hit has given them rules they are still capable of breaking those rules if they choose to, though I think it would get consequences. As for the rings a lot of the members have matching jewelry or clothes, so it’s difficult to know if it means anything special.

I'm not the last anon so I don't think they're forced but in relation to change people often say it's usually late 2017—2018. Then there's its because of JK. Because apparently that's when jimin and jk noticibly started spending a lot of time together. And since jimin only has limited time to spend with others, even outside the group, that's when the questions come. For me personally I saw the change after the Malta trip.

The dates always seems to be different even from Ji/kookers, but for Vmin at least to me there seemed to be a possible change in the early 2016 when they basically stopped with their vlives and then started to look super clingy yet pushed each other away at odd times.

As for late 2017-2018 and Ji/kook I have a few things I question in regards to the actual timeline and how that would effect Vmin. First if that was when JK and Jimin actually got together doesn’t that change the whole narrative of GFC and their trip to Japan? I mean, I realize some people see it as when they “confessed” but then it seems odd they would suddenly be super open and out if their relationship was so new. The Big Hit “unicorn shoot” was also before that which means they had already started the LGBT related promotions for Ji/kook. So if Ji/kook is real I think it makes more sense that it would have been going on for longer than that. I also personally don’t think the change is completely due to ji/kook but rather a major change in Jungkook. He did not have a good year 2017 and I think Jimin being there for him was just Jimin being Jimin. I also think that when JK then started to be happier his attitude changed, he started posting on twitter after a long time, dyed his hair basically for the first time and started to be seen outside more often. Sometimes getting “dragged out” by Jimin.

But the question remains if Ji/kook got together why did it affect Vmin so much? Surely if Ji/kook has been together for a long time the other members would have known and let them spend time together of course, but why would Jimin suddenly start pushing Taehyung away just because he got a boyfriend? It doesn’t paint Ji/kook in a good light to see their relationship possibly affecting Vmin’s friendship so much. And more importantly, why would it still after years make Vmin avoid certain things and act weirdly? Jimin and Taehyung are best friends and should still be able to spend time together if they truly want to, and things they say and do indicates that they want that. So why is Vmin so much more private if there is no problem for ji/kook to be so open about spending time together? 

I don’t know, personally I still think Vmin behaves more suspicious which I think would match better with both the risk with being in a homosexual relationship as well as with their respective personalities.

hi i know you are busy and probably answer very late but I've noticed that when Jik are together they always forget about Tae there are so many moments i can't mention here i am sure you know about them but it makes me sad how they just ignore tae especially jk they all were so close before so do you think there is somethin going on between jik? I mean they go on trips jm came back from Japan on Valentine's day nd they were spotted together, maybe that's why tae also doesn't go with jm 😪🤔

Hmm, interesting because I think there are plenty of moments where Vmin end up forgetting other people when in each other’s presence as well. I can think of examples with JK as well, like in Hawaii when Vmin talked about walking together at night and JK just sits there etc. I think this is one of those things that might just be shippers pointing out and over analyzing something that happens with more members than just their ship. Also Tae tends to space out, so that could be another reason. I would have to look at each moment to give a proper opinion.

I suppose if Tae perhaps really liked Jimin and got his heart broken as Ji/kook got together it could mean that Tae would like to distance himself. But there are too many other things that goes against this and I think it would be way more noticeable, not to mention probably show a huge change in physical behavior between them so it seems unlikely. I don’t see any reason for Tae to push away the person he calls his best friend just because he would be in a relationship. I also don’t see why Vmin wouldn’t just be able to continue being best friends even if one of them had a relationship someone.

I love your analyses , coz you're always puts everything so logically . Bdw what do you think of that famous jikook trip together ?? It's still intrigued me why Vmin always wants and say out loud that they want to travel together just Only two of them , and they even made a promise of that ,but then suddenly JM goes w JK (and they likes to talk about that trip a lot) , and i still can't get why Tae coudn't be there too and what stopped them to made their wishful promise ??

Taehyung was actually in Japan at the same time… Which is interesting. But he was spending time with his family. I do agree it’s weird Vmin has never acted on going somewhere together despite having claimed to want to several times, but either we just haven’t seen it or they simply prioritize other things above it. I don’t think it’s anything weird if that’s the case. I also don’t think Ji/kook going on a trip automatically makes them real, not even if Jimin was out with JK (and other friends) on Valentines day.

It’s funny because Ji/kookers stalked them to find which hotel room they stayed in and got all crazy about the bath being see-through, as if not all the members have likely seen each other naked for years. But yeah, when you only see your own ship I guess it doesn’t mean anything that others has done it before. Remember Vmin on Valentines 2014?

Sorry for sounding bitter and negative, but it’s just not that fun for me to talk about this. I am aware of the other ships and how many odd things there are to find, but I will still stand by and ship Vmin. As I’ve said before they have plenty of odd things too, which means most of the ships probably cancel each other out and aren’t real. Shipping Vmin romantically is what I love and prefer and if anyone says Vmin don’t love each other they are clearly lying. I can support Vmin as best friends just as much as lovers or soulmates. To me what matters is that the members are happy and if another ship being real means happiness for the members then that’s fine by me. I will support BTS and the members no matter what, but as of now we still don’t know anything and I am not convinced of any ship.

Sorry again, I hope I haven’t offended one. But honestly being sad because you possibly might be wrong about a ship doesn’t change the fact that all of BTS love each other no matter what.

Thanks if you managed to read this and still wants to follow me. I really appreciate you all a lot. <3

[fanficparker]

Serendipity | H.O.

Pairing: Friends!Harrison Osterfield x Reader

Word count: 1.3k words

Warnings: Swearing, Fluff

Requested: By the incredible Sarah ( @acceptance07​ ): "Darling please write a fic where Haz comforts a girl after a bad fight with someone (friend, parent, boyfriend, etc.) And maybe he lets it slip that he loves her? 😆 Can't wait."

Summary: Super nervous Harrison couldn't get on his nerves to tell you the truth. Maybe a tongue-slip could help?!

[ MASTERLIST ]

Harrison Osterfield may be super extroverted in front of cameras and stuff, but when it comes to expressing his real-life feelings he absolutely sucked at it. He can't express his inner world. One of the most important reasons behind it was his fear. He remembers when he first told some people about him admiring to become a model was not taken positively. Also, the girl that he joined the drama class for, more or less rejected him, leaving a few secret insecurities for him to deal with. Yeah, he knows times have changed, and he has 500K plus followers and some really devoted fan base, but still those past experiences linger through his heart every now and then. He is grateful to have such a great understanding and supporting friends like Tom, Harry, Sam, Tuwaine or Jacob, but truthfully speaking he never talks about 'feelings' to them. One cause he thinks it could bore their fun time. Second, he wanted fuckin' dating advice, more like how to propose this [Your hair colour] girl, but boy he knows what level of 'love gurus' his best-friends were.

Y/n Y/ln, a full-time artist and a part-time public speaker. Super bold, super enthusiastic, super creative and absolutely a great friend. Who doesn't want to love such a great personality? Well... a lot of people, evil shitty world. With a bunch of supporters came a bunch of haters too. Yeah, those weird monsters opposing you when you raised voice for minorities or people of colour or women rights or trans rights or even charity events.

Everything that made Harrison smitten for you...

You and he met in a charity event and since then you guys are spending a lot of time together. You won't deny if you had developed some feelings for this super sweet blonde guy. But one thing always bothered you, it was obvious he wasn't very open to you. Whenever the conversations got a little bit deeper he would absolutely excuse himself and change the topic like today... Did it just slip off his tongue? Did he just admit he had feelings for you? Or your ears were just ringing?

* * *

"Oh yeah, that's what they think I am? That's what they think I'm trying to do? Publicity stunt?" You ranted to yourself as your hands scribbled on the white notebook page furiously.

"Hi--- Are you okay?" Harrison said entering your art studio, the place he visited you at least twice a week.

"Ah... Hi!" You kept your pen down shutting your notebook seeing him walking towards you.

"What were you yelling?" He asked as you guided him to sit on the sofa kept just opposite to the wall displaying all your paintings. Wednesdays were almost empty and hence the vacant studio and his favourite day to visit you.

"Nothing you know, just those old weird hatred tweets. Some new people joined the hating squad too. Well, just this time some of my relatives asked me to stop raising my voice... Well, my parents." You sighed handling him a glass of water. He handed you the glass back.

"Well, I guess you need it more than me. Your skin seriously looks red." He said and you shifted the glass to rest on the table hiding your face in your hands.

"Hey you can tell me the whole thing," he threw his arm around you. You laid your head on his shoulder taking a deep breath, your eyes lined with tears.

"Mom said she is afraid that these hate tweets can harm our family reputation. I mean... why? Am I doing something wrong? I just wanted to help some people and it feels like so many people see me as a terrible person. I even see some people mumbling things among themselves glancing at me. I try my best to ignore everything, but I can't ignore my family. I got into a fight with mom on this and now I think... she... She isn't proud that I'm her daughter... She hates me. "

Your voice cracked as the tears dripped down your cheeks and breathing became laboured. Harrison pulled you closer, hugging your side even tighter.

"Look Y/n she doesn't hate you. It's just that... She is afraid that it could get you into trouble. She loves you that's why she's worried. But in time she will understand what you are doing is great and will be happy for you. Just give her some time, everything will be fine." He assured kissing the top of your head.

"But, I don't know. Whenever I try to do something nice... I get so much... hate. Sometimes I feel like I deserve it."

"Ssh, no absolutely not. Even Nelson Mandela had haters that don't mean he deserved it. Everyone knows he was right. And a lot of people and of course I know that you are right and we support you." He rubbed your arms, relaxing your breathing.

"But that’s why shit keeps happening!"

"No. That's why I fell in love with you."

"Mmh... Wait what?" You jerked up, removing your head from his shoulder.

"Shit!" You heard him mumble as his eyes roamed everywhere in the room, threatened to land on you.

"Harrison. Look at me. What did you say?" You asked. The new feeling of surprise took over your tears which felt like long forgotten. He turned his body towards you but still not looking in your eyes.

"I-ah sorry. I wasn't supposed to say and I don't know what to do and I---"

"It's too late for all that, you know?" You held his hands in yours, running a thumb over his knuckles making him look in your eyes. "You never talk about yourself, you know?"

"Hmm..." He pressed his lips.

"What you said, is it true?" You asked softly, to which he nodded. "Then why didn't you tell me before? If it won't slip off your tongue I would have never known. You don't trust me enough to share---"

"No, no, it's not like that. I absolutely trust you. The problem is with me. I just am a bit afraid of getting rejected or... people not caring about my feelings." He sighed.

"You don't have to afraid Haz. Like you tell me so many spirit lifting things, it really makes me feel so good. So let me return some of your favours!" You said, leaving his hands, making him look at you in confusion. You stretched your right palm in front of him, clearing your throat.

"So... Harrison Osterfield would you go on a date with me, tonight?" You were smiling, biting your lip to keep yourself from giggling.

"I-ah... Of course. Oh God, you don't have to do that." He kept his hand on his face.

"Aww... You are trying to hide your blush, so cute. Did I made you blush?!" You playfully teased him, removing his hand from his face making his face go even redder. "God stop shying and go get dressed up, I would seriously get mad if you are late for our date." You giggled as he finally smiled, looking a lot more confident. "Now just go." You dragged him out of the sofa.

"Okay.." He mouthed and out of blues lightly pecked your lips. Before you could even react or kiss him back he rushed out giving you a little naughty smile.

"At least ask for the date location?" You yelled at his back, but he already left jumping like a toddler. "Div!"

* * *

Taglist…

PERMANENT Taglist //

@i-love-superhero // @caswinchester2000 // @vintagexquill // @babebenhardy// @acceptance07 //

Mutuals:  @bringmethehorizonandpizza @calum-hoodwinked-me @acceptance07 @probably-writing-x @shamelessbookaddict@hollandsosterfield @tomnhaz @summernykole @uglypastels@faefictions @pinkmarvel @osterfieldholland01 @hazhasmycoffeex3@hazthotsterfield @hazsterfield @empressdreams@harryshollands @hexingholland

TELL ME IF YOU DON’T WANNA GET TAGGED OR IF YOU WANNA GET TAGGED...

[atinyhours]

reaction to their idol!datemate having a dating rumor

anon: may I request an ateez reaction to dating rumors that include u and another idol (ur an idol too hhhh)

i hope you like it 💕💕

masterlist | ask & request here

Hongjoong:

Hongjoong would be a little confused as to why your name was trending, but when he clicked on the link and saw that a certain company had posted an article claiming you were dating another idol he would be pissed. He knew it wasn’t true, but next time you’d see him he’d ask what happened just so he could figure out the situation even though he couldn’t do anything about it. 

“I just think it’s funny that they think that they’re your type ya know. Also, why don’t they suspect we’re dating? Do they not think we’d be cute together?”

Seonghwa:

Seonghwa answered your call and listened to you rant about the rumor. He’d encourage you to brush it off, he knew it wasn’t true and so did you. Your biggest worry was that because you already had dating rumors then people would be watching more carefully, and maybe they’d catch you and Seonghwa. He understood, but tried his best to calm you down.

“You know how careful we are. Nothing bad is going to happen. I promise you baby.”

Yunho:

Yunho giggled when he saw the headline. He sent you the article with the laughing crying emoji and a text that read at least they haven’t caught onto us yet. He would joke about it the whole time. You’d get a call and Yunho would immediately say, “Well looks like you got another boyfriend waiting. Don’t worry I won’t hold you up.” He’d be so carefree about the incident and tease you about having another boyfriend.

“Oh, my times almost up babe. You should go meet up with your other boyfriend soon. He probably misses you.”

Yeosang:

He became very anxious and panicky when he first heard about it. He was worried he wasn’t the only one you loved, and probably would avoid talking to you for a couple days before you’d call him up. You’d explain what had happened, you were recording an OST with another idol and got caught together on a coffee run. Yeosang would require extra cuddles and kisses that night to feel secure and loved again.

“I was just so worried I wasn’t the only one, but I kept trying to remember how the media can twist things. My brain got the best of me.”

San:

He hadn’t even heard the rumor before you began texting him apologizing. You explained what had happened, and while San was a little upset that the magazine thought you were dating someone else, he realized it was just a rumor and he was the one you loved so dearly. San called you over the night, just to remind you how much he loved you, maybe with an alternative motive to get cuddles so he’d feel better about the situation too.

“I can’t believe they thought you were dating him. I’m also surprised they haven’t caught us though.”

Mingi:

Mingi felt his heart sink when he saw the article circulating through his timeline. It felt like everyone else had already seen the rumor and believed it. He would call you with tears in his eyes and a light stuffiness to his voice. You’d answer all his questions, explaining the situation to the detail to let him know it was just a rumor and you loved him so much.

“I was so scared. I saw all the comments and tweets about how you two would make a good couple and it hurt me so bad babe.”

Wooyoung:

Wooyoung saw the headline and laughed to himself. This couldn’t be true.. right? He tried to justify the photos and incidences outlined in the article, but they made sense in his mind. You were dating another person. He paced around his room until you entered, San letting you into the dorm. You cleared up the situation for him, stopping his mind from wandering.

“I didn’t want to believe it, but everything lined up so well. I really was believing the conspiracy. That website has some good researchers!”

Jongho:

Jongho was already struggling to remain secure in the relationship. He was new to dating and being an idol, and this rumor really rocked his boat. He tried really hard to ignore it, or rationalize why it just couldn’t be true, but he was very insecure. He called you shaking, waiting for you to answer, and he told you everything on his mind revealing his soul. You rushed over to the dorms to comfort him and ease his mind.

“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have believed it, but sometimes I feel I’m not right for you, or I’m not good enough to be with someone so incredible.”

request mlts, blurbs, & reactions here

[demicorpse]

My qualms with the Animorphs ending. (Spoilers, duh)

So. Around a week ago I finished all 54 of the core Animorphs books, and like many, I was pretty disappointed by the ending. I’d even go as far as to say I was angry about it. Not angry enough to write a rant tweet at the main author, but angry enough to rant about it on a tumblr post where 10 people might see it and agree with me. I’m going to list some of the main issues regarding the last few books, as well as the final book itself. Let’s take it from the top.

The Auxiliary Animorphs.

On paper? This doesn’t seem like a bad idea. Writing in a bunch of handicapped kids and giving them cool powers, while also slowly developing them and not focusing on just their disabilities? Sounds great! Only Applegate didn’t exactly understand what that meant. The Aux. Animorphs are introduced in book 50, The Ultimate, and after a big battle, they’re almost immediately moved to the sidelines. They’re mentioned in passing as ‘James and his group’ when they’re needed to provide a distraction or maybe fight some kind of battle, but other than that, and maybe some characterization of the kids in book 50, we don’t learn a whole lot about ‘James and his group’. I get it. Balancing so many new faces is hard, especially when your series in ending in 4 books, but maybe you could’ve... I don’t know... lessened the scope of the group? Or maybe you could’ve introduced them earlier, so that we can, at the very least, gain a glimpse towards what they’re like? We know so much about the main Animorphs, but when it comes down to the Aux. Animorphs, all I remember is that James wanted Pedro, his best friend forever, to get a morph of his own (which never really developed into anything? Or maybe Applegate forgot to explicitly state he’s part of the group, but, whatever.), and that in the end, they all die namelessly. Again, as part of a distraction tactic. A bunch of handicapped kids who were told the world is being taken over by aliens are introduced, and all they do is die at the end. No mention of them whatsoever in the ending book, after the war was ended. Not even a single page regarding how brave they were, to just trust the Animorphs despite how crazy they sound, and fight by their side, even LOSE one of their own before they all die a book later.

It’s stupid. The Aux. Animorphs could’ve been so much cooler had Applegate wasn’t so deeply invested in her ‘these books tell a war story!’ thing. They had potential to be memorable, and yet, I don’t even remember the names of the main kids that were intro’d in their book. Just James. By the way, James was a way better leader than Jake by the end. Actually, let’s talk about Jake.

Jake’s character was brutally murdered and replaced with an evil clone. So was Rachel’s.

Reading the last few books was, honestly, a festival of awkward and head-shaking moments for me. You mean to tell me that this is where Jake breaks? Jake, the leader of the Animorphs, the one who’s kept the alive, the one who’s brought them together when they thought they wouldn’t be able to make it, Jake, Marco’s best friend, Cassie’s boyfriend, Rachel’s cousin, JAKE, breaks at the end and sacrifices everything. His cousin? A sacrifice. The Aux. Animorphs and one of the only military officials willing to listen to him and his men? A sacrifice. 

I can’t put it into words how disappointed I am over both Jake and Rachel. Jake turned into a monster. He turned into someone he vowed he never would turn into. Remember when he said, like, two books before the end: “Defeat the Yeerks. Don’t become them.” What the hell happened to that when you flushed down 17 thousand Yeerks into space and let them freeze to death? 

Don’t get me started on his hatred towards Cassie by the end (which is 100% totally fixed when she has a mental breakdown don’t worry guys ahahaha fuck I fucked up their relationship and now I can’t really fix it well enough ok they hugged and they’re ok now). Like, I get it. I get it, Jake. You lost the morphing cube and Tom because Cassie thought she’d do something good. But is he seriously daft enough to just disregard any reasoning for what she did and go around acting like a child who got his toy taken away? Isn’t he the one that’s supposed to move on from things quickly? Just... Jake isn’t the same character by the end, but it’s not even a fluid change. It’s so drastic that when you’re reading it, it’s like a completely different character was introduced into the Animorphs with no explanation whatsoever. Yeah, war changes people, but Marco stayed the same. Tobias, more or less, stayed the same. Ax changed, but that was after the war, and it was for the better. Cassie stayed the same. 

Jake should’ve been written better. Because if he was, he wouldn’t have gotten so many people killed, including himself right at the end. 

And, oh God, Rachel... what have they done to you? Rachel went from someone who likes the thrill of the fight (admittedly, maybe a little too much) and is capable of making smart decisions, to someone who’s willing to drive over a military general even though he’s simply asking her to stop (in a truck full of EXPLOSIVES no less), as well attempt to hit Cassie in anger (good thing Tobias is her moral compass) after she confesses that she let Tom go on purpose. Hey, while we’re at it, let’s talk about her death.

Rachel’s death is stupid.

Let’s get one thing out of the way: Rachel is my favourite character in Animorphs, second close being Ax. I’m obviously upset about her death, so I’m sorry if I sound a little biased. 

Rachel’s death is plain dumb and stupid and shouldn’t have happened. It wouldn’t have happened had Applegate not convinced herself that all of her character deserve to suffer and die by the end, leaving a hopeless pit in my stomach after I closed the .PDF to the final book. You’re telling me that one of the most fierce human warriors I’ve read about in my entire life just gives up at the end. She spits out Tom’s body, demorphs, and that’s it. She gives up. Doesn’t even attempt to go down fighting. She just says some cliche line to Tobias and dies. I will give Applegate credit for creating one of the best post-death scenes I’ve ever read (”You mattered.” is so good), but that doesn’t redeem her death in my eyes. She’s killed off because Applegate claims Animorphs is a ‘war story’. A war story in which kids turn into animals, alien slugs crawl into people’s ears and control them, time travel happens on more than one occasion, and Ax is Tobias’ uncle. Sure. War story. Since it’s a war story, there’s no hope for any of the characters. But I’ll get to that at the end.

Anyway, Rachel shouldn’t have died. No amount of convincing will have me think otherwise. I don’t care how reckless she was described as, she’s not reckless enough to go on a suicide mission and die to make the reader feel upset. Plus, if Jake was SO hellbent on winning, why couldn’t he have sent James up there to deal with Tom? It’s not like he cared about the fates of the Aux. Animorphs by that point, so why not have one less trauma on your head and send in someone you see as disposable? At least let Jake retain some of his intelligence, Applegate.

Oh, yeah, the ending.

The ending is hopeless, and if you thought your characters’ struggles will pay off, fuck you.

“Ram the Blade Ship”, Jake says with Rachel’s smile, and seconds later, he and his friends die in a horrible explosion in space, limbs either blown apart or frozen. Oh, and Ax has been assimilated into some omnipotent entity that comes quite literally out of nowhere, so it’s safe to say that he’s classified as ‘dead’. The only one left on Earth is Cassie, who has to live with the fact that she’s the last Animorph left alive. Thinking about it, it’s pretty funny that the only one who lives in the end is Cassie, who always advocated for a more peaceful approach, if possible. Great irony, Applegate. 10/10.

Anyway, this whole thing stinks. Applegate claims the ending is up to interpretation (I think, from what I’ve read in her epilogue it certainly seems that way), but I think it’s bullshit. She claims there’s no happy endings in war. That’s bullshit. I can’t express how... just bullshit the ending is.

These kids who have fought for 3 years, these kids who have shed blood, sweat, and multiple tears across 54 books and several spin-offs, these kids who went through so much and where a ‘win’ barely counted as that, these kids get... nothing. No one is happy. Even Marco, who was relatively happy with his post-war life is dragged into Jake’s suicide mission, only to die alongside him, because poor Jake couldn’t get over the fact that he didn’t think of a better plan to save both his cousin and his brother.

No, thinking on it, they DO get something! They get death and an ‘open’ ending, which is just as open as Chick-fil-A on a Sunday. When you make a reader constantly read through HEAPS of books about how depressed these kids are, about their struggles and their failures and how they never really win anything, they mostly react to their enemies’ movements, it just makes the reader feel hopeless. And so by the end, when you just kill off everyone but a single character that knew better, the reader feels sad, and angry, and upset. And maybe Applegate wanted to go for that. 

Conclusion. Jesus Christ, Applegate.

The job of a writer is to string words together well enough to make people feel an emotion, whether negative or positive. And admittedly, she achieved that. But in my opinion, I’d rather close Animorphs knowing that these kids know at least some form of peace. That Jake rescues his brother and he can live out his life alongside him. That Rachel survives and that she can attend high-end fashion shows. That Tobias and his mother (who isn’t mentioned at all at the end, by the way? Guess she wasn’t important enough to the plot!) make up all the time they’ve lost when Tobias didn’t know she actually cared about him. That Marco does his thing, being a comedian, in peace, and visits Jake and his friends whenever he wants to. That Cassie pursues her own career and yeah, maybe she’s not together with Jake anymore, but at the very least, they’re happy to see one another. That Ax avenges his brother by killing Visser Three/One, and becomes a War Hero in his world, as well as a very good War Prince, and that he doesn’t forget to visit his second home.

Whether you liked the ending or not, this is the kind of ending I was hoping for. Something to ease me at the end. Something that would make me feel good after reading so much about the lives of 4 human kids, a half-bird half-boy, and an alien. But no. I get despair. I get death and I get sadness and I get an empty feeling in my heart that will always remain so as long as I remember Animorphs. Because no matter how much I’ll try and rewrite the ending, it’ll always stick with me, this one thought: Everybody dies and no one is happy. 

Animorphs has war, but it’s not a war story. Animorphs has tactics, strategy, guerilla warfare, espionage, but it’s not a war story. And even if I’m wrong, even if it is a war story, why can’t the characters be happy? Why can’t the characters get the one bit of compensation for their struggles?

Maybe I’m just too much of an optimist, and none of this matters. Maybe I should get used to bad endings, because let’s face it, this isn’t a good ending, or even a neutral one. This is as bad as it gets. Maybe I should suck it up and grow some thick skin.

But God damn, the ending to Animorphs sucked. 

[tessatechaitea]

The Extremist #3

I'm disappointed that this half picture doesn't match up exactly with the half picture from Issue #2.

It's probably good I didn't post any of the blurbs that tried to bribe him with a handjob in the backroom of the Portland Comic-con.

Anyway, let's see what happened in "July, Nineteen Ninety-Three"! I'll try to baby it up so Tumblr doesn't shit its diapers.

Peter Milligan begins this issue all Peter Milligany.

Remember that this was written in 1993 when Peter Milligan makes mention of how a person could, at some point, be alone in anything. But also imagine now how the death of an intimate would go in 2019. Back in 1993, Judy is surprised to find that she's whisked away from her grief for long interludes by the bureaucratic machinations of a death in a capitalist democracy. This same kind of thing probably still happens except with more texts and emails and less phone conversations and driving to speak to people in person. But also imagine the non-bureaucratic side of death. We probably have far less close intimate contacts in our physical space now than we had in 1993, at least by percentage when compared with all people we would consider contacts (intimates who now live in another part of the world, people we know only from online, friends of friends we've maybe met once but now sometimes interact with over social media). In 1993. it would be phone calls and personal visits with flowers and cake or cookies. In 2019, you probably receive a deluge of crying emojis and people replying "*hugs*" to your post about your world crumbling beneath you as you try to stagger on with your remaining years bereft of the person you thought you could never live without. I suppose there are plenty of apps where people could send you cakes and cookies so I suppose it wouldn't be too terrible. Should I create an app that sends cakes and cookies to people when they've lost a loved one? It wouldn't cost anything. You'd just have to send me a small cake and some cookies with every use of the app! I can't wait to get extraordinarily fat! The journey is going to be so worth it!

Grief is a savory, selfish feast.

Peter Milligan has a way of expressing potent, terrible truths in such a casual manner that most people probably don't even notice them. There's an almost expressible power in believing you're experiencing something that nobody else has or will ever experience. Or just in knowing that you lived a part of your life unknown to your closest friends and family. I cherish, greedily, the moments of my life spent alone and far from those closest to me and I parcel them out as stories in only the most meager of manners. Hell, I've probably told more about myself and my experiences here on this blog exactly because I know my friends and family don't read it. I might say this every commentary until this series is over but I still don't know if I understand the point of the overall plot. But I do understand that the plot is a way for Peter Milligan to be Peter Milligan. I understand the need for a framework to say things you want to say. Or to just put scenes out there that you don't want to bother encasing in some kind of larger whole that you're less interested in. So here's another scene Peter Milligan had to have thought about and then needed a place to mention it:

Of course people still get horny for their dead partner! But how often does anybody talk about it?! Maybe it's common and I'm just consuming the wrong kinds of media. Alex Trebek never once asked a contestant if they jerk off thinking about their dead spouse!

Netflix's Dead to Me has some pretty frank discussions about the loss of a spouse but while Christina Applegate talks about being horny and wanting to fuck somebody, I don't think she ever says she masturbates thinking about her dead husband. If the point of this story is about dealing with loss, I'm beginning to get it. And that would completely explain why I missed it at twenty-one. I'm only three pages into this issue and it's kicking me in the face with existential issues. Was I too dumb at twenty-one to understand any of this or just too sheltered to really feel it? Maybe I was just too fucking young. Judy finds the key to Jack's Extremist apartment. After looking around the place, she thinks, "It was like having Jack die all over again, but this death seemed more profound. 'I never knew you,' I thought." It's an easy statement to point out that nobody ever really knows anybody. But once, because Jim Starling wrote a terrible run on Stormwatch, I wrote an entire rant about how we all hide our innermost dark secrets from even the greatest loves of our lives. I was essentially asking how can we know anyone if we won't even let those closest to us know our most vulnerable thoughts and terrible crimes (I don't mean crimes in the law and order sense! I just mean like that time you put your finger in your ass and then made sandwiches for your friends and they all got sick and you didn't do it on purpose but you made the connection and nobody must ever fucking know! You know, those kinds of crimes. But not that specific one! I totally just made that one up for effect). So I could repeat myself or just link to the rant or just (and — Spoiler! — this is the choice I'm going with!) move on to page five of this comic book. Judy discovers an old diary written by The Extremist (but not Jack!). Then she finds some of the tapes he burned and salvages a few. She hears Jack speaking about murder and getting pissed on and, most appallingly, calling her "poor dull dead little Judy." She smashes the place up, finds The Extremist's gimp suit, and tries it on thinking, "What the fuck?! Maybe I'll feel sexy and start speaking in sex metaphors!" Then the phone rings. And I suppose the rest is history! And by history, I mean Issue #1! Except I'm only on page seven so maybe I'm jumping the gun. I guess we need to learn how Judy met Patrick and why she decided her life would be better by going out at night murdering people until she comes hard in a leather suit. Oh, I hope that last sentence wasn't too adult for Tumblr! A bunch of pages are taken up by the plot stuff that I apparently paid the most attention to in 1993 and which is the least interesting part of the story (so far!). Patrick "accidentally" runs into Judy and he pretends he doesn't know who killed Jack. He offers to help her find out if she'll pose as The Extremist and do murders and blow jobs for him. Judy is all, "What the hell! Maybe I'll understand Jack a little more! Maybe I'll know why he needed a boring piece of shit like me when he was having such fantastic fuck and murder adventures!" No wait. That's what I would say. Judy just wants to find out who killed Jack and to, maybe, feel a little closer to him. I don't think she's as amped up as I would be about the loads of indiscriminate sex and murdering of the most perverse perverts. The main story ends with Judy making her first kill. She learns that her problem was that she was always living in the past and the future. So even if she had wanted to kill somebody in the moment before, she'd be all tangled up in the past and whether the person deserved it and maybe some of it was her fault and perhaps she's been too hasty with her murder decision. And she'd also be lost in the future like how the person will stop existing and how she might wind up in prison and how the victim's guts are going to be hell to clean up off the floor. But in the moment, she can just satisfy the need without consequence or conscience! She discovers it's a thrill! Well, I could have told her that! I've been playing Dungeons and Dragons since I was ten! Never worry about what the orc did or if it deserved it or if it has family or if you're actually the asshole raiding its lovely home! The actual issue ends with Tony, the black guy on the stoop, sitting in The Extremist's apartment listening to Judy's tapes. He's just finished the last one where she says she's going off to kill Patrick and he's completely caught up in the drama. He wants to know who killed who just as badly as, well, not me but I'm sure some readers were on the edge of their seat at this point. The Extremist #3 Rating: B. I don't find myself caring about the framework. But Peter Milligan has thoughts and those thoughts are well worth the admission price to this story. In a way, this is just an extension of his run on Shade the Changing Man. It's almost the same story if you squint your eyes and unfocus your vision and punch yourself in the genitals. Patrick is the guy on Meta who was pulling the strings to get Shade to go into the Area of Madness and eventually Earth (I forget his name! I bet it was Patrick!) And The Extremist is Shade and Kathy too (they both have similarities to both Judy and Jack, so I don't mean to say either Shade or Kathy is essentially one or the other). The Extremist has crazy missions where they kill and fuck just like Shade and Kathy had! I think. I mean, probably! And Tony is just Lenny in someway that I haven't spent any time thinking about but they were the only characters left!