#I feel horrible for not being around very much

[velvetvexations]

Man that post about trans men having it easy when they go swimming pissed me off. Honestly for a while now I've seen posts about trans women and swimming that seemed to imply that trans women specifically are not allowed to go swimming unlike others, or have some sort of extra struggle regarding swimming at the pool while other trans people wouldn't have much to worry about.

It has always kinda annoyed me to be completely dismissed like that because like. I'm not American so I don't know what your public pool laws and rules are but where I live, public swimming pools have pretty strict rules about what kind of swimsuits are allowed. You're not allowed stuff like swimming shorts or shirts, no rash guards, it really sucks. It's either 1 piece swimsuit or 2 piece swimsuit for women (some variety in styles is allowed tho, as long as it's not like, a thong or something, and ironically swimsuits that cover "too much" are also banned and are considered a political debate issue since they can denote religious appartenance), and for men, it's skin tight speedo and that's it. And of course, baring your breasts is not allowed either. (I'm not entirely sure where using tape on your chest would fall but I honestly don't think it would fly, especially if you don't pass as male very well.)

Which leaves you with a number of problems as a trans guy, especially without top surgery because you have to cover your chest, which means you'll have to wear some type of women's swimsuit (even picking a 1 piece one or a top with a more "neutral" cut doesn't look gender neutral at all since only women will wear these at the pool). I think I don't need to specify that being a man visibly wearing a women's swimsuit to the public pool isn't exactly the safest experience.

But then there's also issues with the speedo. Where it can become quite obvious whether or not there's something in there. You can choose to pack or not (I don't think packers are allowed, except maybe just using a foam padded cup...? Then again the swimming pool staff aren't exactly gonna expect or check for that. Still I guess there's the risk of whatever you use to pack slipping or sliding or getting lost in the pool...), but either way, if you're visibly trans in some way, people will look at your crotch because they are fixated on trans people's genitals and you're wearing nothing but a swimsuit. And they'll be disgusted by the result (trans man with no penis = unnatural, trans man with penis = unnatural). I know that a fair share of trans men even post top surgery still avoid going to the pool because they're not comfortable with having to wear some shitty speedo in front of strangers (makes your flat crotch obvious, the cut makes you dysphoric because it reminds you too much of wearing women's underwear, people being weird about it, the packing dilemma that is a lose/lose situation... Again, being visibly identified as a trans man (for example, because of your scars) and having a bulge in your speedo basically makes the people around you think you're some sort of gross fetishist predator who enjoys walking around with "a dildo in your underwear" in a public place with children.)

Not long ago I had to explain to my psychiatrist who was recommending me swimming to improve some physical and mental issues that going to the pool just wouldn't be an option for me because with my body (facial hair, body hair, deep voice but no top surgery) it's just too complicated with the shitty swimsuit rules and all, so I'm basically... Pretty much banned from swimming pools because of my body... Unless I completely change my appearance to make myself look like a woman and wear a women's swimsuit, which would make me feel horrible. Yay, so much privilege !

(And yeah I know the OG post was about trans men with top surgery specifically but also.... Why tf was it comparing it to bulge, aka something that can be removed through surgery...?? Isn't it more fair to compare no surgery and no surgery...)

they like to intentionally engineer scenarios where things are stacked in favor of the oppression of trans women by giving every possible benefit to trans men even when they're benefits that are just as likely to be possessed by trans women (e.g. being pre/post-op)

[laboratory-for-peace]

Villain Analysis: The Garuda Himself

AKA What turns men into monsters; Is it ideology and propaganda? Projection and insecurity? Class and upbringing? Or perhaps, it is all of these combined.

A not-so-quick analysis of Vinsmoke Judge, what makes him so despicable and hate-able, why he works as a villain, what does this mean for Sanji as a character and WCI as an arc, and how the brains of awful men like his work.

Warning: this is very very long (around 2k words) and talks about topics of abuse and imperialism, obviously. Also, a lot of this hinges on personal subjective interpretation of the narrative and speculation, so please be patient.

For starters, let’s get a quick comparison between Judge as a villain and other antagonists throughout One Piece. There’s, in my opinion, something that quickly separates him from the rest.

While most villains in One Piece are often motivated to do horrible things because of personal pathos and experiences, wants, needs, desires and traumatic memories, Judge –at first glance at least, seems to be motivated by something very different: Ideology. He is an imperialist, a fascist, a eugenicist, a classist, a warmonger, and so on and so on.

He is most similar to a villain like Hody Jones in this regard. There’s no personal big event in their lives (that we know of, at least) leading this type of character to their horrible actions, but rather a worldview. Most other antagonists in One Piece are in my opinion written as “person first, ideology second”. They’re often motivated by their own specific experiences, even if they can be assigned an ideology on top of that. But Judge and Hody seem to be more symbolic of broader ideas at their core, so they’re in a sense the odd ones out. They’re the reverse; “ideology first, person second”, almost feeling like they’re representatives of broader harmful structures, rather than being their own individuals.

I think also it’s worth mentioning why the ideology is here, and what it offers in terms of the narrative of Sanji’s abuse. Some might think it was an unnecessary element that isn’t that thematically connected to Sanji’s struggles. Couldn’t his family simply have been abusive, without all that Germa nonsense? Well for starters, it’s mostly here for the pop-cultural Kamen Rider references, yeah. But getting that out of the way, I think Sanji’s suffering is connected to his father’s terrible worldview pretty directly.

For starters, fascism is all about control. It preaches scapegoatism, demonization of “weakness” and fetishization of strength. Judge is a man that runs his family the same way he runs his state; with an iron fist. Sanji’s abuse IS a direct result of him being unable to meet these horrific standards. It also helps that we know Sanji as a kind person, so juxtaposing him to his comically evil literal-supervillain family, makes it simply easier for us to root for Sanji and hate his relatives, from a narrative building perspective. Ideas around masculinity and what an “able body” is in Judge’s eyes, are both part of Sanji’s backstory of abuse. It is also important that the Vinsmokes are royalty, because the first thing we learn about Sanji in One Piece, is that he suffered through great hunger. These people are wealth itself; they have never experienced that hardship.

However, while I think it’s true to an extent that Judge at first is simply “walking ideology” without being much of an actual individual, the way WCI is written, he starts showing interesting cracks behind the mask that reveal hints of specific personal motivations. In other words, the awful person behind the just as awful ideology starts to subtly show, and can be pieced together by looking intently.

As we experience the arc through Sanji’s eyes, Judge is a man who initially seems like an intimidating “strongman”, an impossible-to-read stoic threat, with no thoughts of his own outside cruelty. He’s a walking stereotype without much depth to be found. But slowly, the faults of his character begin to show; he is hasty, he has emotional outbursts, he is pathetic and hypocritical, he is careless and thoughtless, falling easily into Big Mom’s trap. In other words the imperfection and insecurity that Sanji was never able to spot in his father as a scared kid, starts to reveal itself, as Sanji slowly overcomes his fear of this man. He is not terrifying anymore; he is pathetic. And he is human, the worst kind of evil. The image of a man who is as perfectly mechanical as his genetically augmented sons, is shattered. They have no choice in their cruelty (to an extent, at least, due to Judge’s actions no less), but Judge is perfectly capable of compassion. He simply chooses to disregard it. His evil, unlike his sons, is his own choice.

Judge often laments his own humanity, doing so multiple times throughout the arc. He complains about how he can’t bring himself to take “his own son’s life as a father” to Sanji’s face, or often shows his twisted love for the rest of his children. This is a man who wishes nothing more than to be like his so-called “perfect” cruel sons, these unfeeling warriors, soldiers with no fear or sorrow. He fashions himself after them, in a way. But that is not the truth of who he is, and he very very clearly hates that.

This is where his hypocrisy comes in; he punishes Sanji for the very same things he himself is very capable of. To me, that’s kind of the point of the scene of him crying during the assassination, a highlight of his “rules for thee but not for me” behavior. This might sound absurd at first, but don’t misunderstand what I’m about to say. I think out of the three parental figures Sanji has had in his life (Sora, Judge, Zeff) he is the least like his birth father. He is in every sense, much more like the other two. However, no matter how absurd it feels, out of all his sons, Judge is most similar to Sanji. And he hates every second he is reminded of it. Not in the kindness, of course, but in his emotional nature. This is a man who, I think is not a stretch to say, projected on his eight-year-old son.

But here comes the problem, of course. As I said earlier, I think this is a man whose ideology came first. He doesn’t latch onto it to cover up for his insecurities, but rather, they are comorbid, it’s the reverse. The elements he sees in himself as “weakness” are elements that he hates, precisely because they clash with his worldview, not the other way around. The ideology is a result of upbringing, similar to the Celestial Dragons; taught from birth that as royalty he is superior to others, that he deserves everything by existing, that his kingdom’s horrific nationalism is excused due to whatever scapegoatism the Vinsmokes have been propagandizing for centuries. So when he is reminded that these ideas might be false, when he looks at his own “weak” son and realizes he is more like him than he is like his other “perfect” sons, he lashes out in ways the escalate in cruelty. I think he is at his core, a disastrous mix of entitlement and insecurity. After all, secure and happy men don’t fall for such ideas.

There’s an interesting moment right before he gives his last horrid speech where he lists all of the things he hates about Sanji (that scene where Luffy lovingly responds with “Why did he list all the good things about you?”). Before he starts angrily and pointlessly rambling, there’s a panel where he looks down at Sanji, their faces juxtaposed, with his bandages covering one eye; just like Sanji and his hairstyle, and while making a similar facial expression to him. There’s a pause in that moment. I think the narrative is telling us in a way, and if you want to interpret it as such, about the insecurity and projection hiding behind this man’s “strongman” mask. Literally a mask- Big Mom broke his helmet. He is here without it. And of course, he cannot change. He will not change. He will keep acting out his cruelty; it’s too late for horrible old men like him. But not for someone like Sanji. This is the last moment where we see the two reject each other for good. And it’s a reminder of how that man’s shadow no longer looms over Sanji. Sanji can see through him, he sees the real, pathetic, sad man behind the intimidating persona. Maybe he does see himself a little bit too, but he rejects that. He rejects a future where he grows to be like this man.

The last element I want to talk about however, one that I didn’t touch on so far, probably has to do with Sora. There’s two things that stood out to me in regards to Judge’s relationship to Sora that I never see anyone talk about.

The first is the fact that Judge calls Sanji “his greatest failure”. Think about it for a few seconds. Why would a man so self-absorbed not simply blame Sora for what happened? He could have easily gone “Oh, there’s no failure on my part here, my science was perfect! I didn’t make any mistakes; I was simply sabotaged. Sabotaged by a third party.” But he doesn’t. He doesn’t use Sora as a scapegoat. I mean- it wouldn’t have been inaccurate either. The reason Sanji was born human IS because of Sora’s interference, not because of any mistake in the science.  So why? Why does he not do it? Why is Sanji “his mistake”. I simply couldn’t figure it out at first, but then it dawned on me.

If Sanji is “Judge’s mistake”, than it can’t be “Sora’s success”. He is erasing her. He’d rather present himself as someone who messed up, than include her and acknowledge her actions. It’s about taking agency away from her. If HE is the one that failed when it comes to Sanji, he can make it about himself, and take her out of the picture. He can strip her of her power and decision. This is at his a core a man who is obsessed with control. Everyone else exists to serve him, in his eyes.

We see this even further in one of the most interesting and under-analyzed parts of Reiju’s speech to Sanji in WCI. While trying to figure out her father’s behavior, she makes the suggestion to Sanji that right after Sora died “he blamed you for everything that happened, and started to mistreat you accordingly.”

While Reiju is an unreliable in-universe narrator, she is one of the few people close enough to her father to be able to figure out his behavior. And here, she is suggesting that a big part of Sanji’s mistreatment is because, in his twisted mind, Judge blames Sanji for Sora’s death. This to me reads in a couple of ways. For starters, it’s once again taking agency away from her. It couldn’t have been her own decision; it had to be the fault of something or someone else. In this case… their unborn son…? Wild choice on who to blame. But it works in his head; Sora didn’t CHOOSE to disobey him, it was all that child’s fault. But also, it does beg that question again of what happens when you mix that complex villainous humanity with wretched ideology. Did he love Sora? Or is him mourning her just a feeling of loss of something he owned, a loss of ownership and control? Well, if I had to guess, it’s probably a bit of both. And that’s what makes Oda’s villains much, much more interesting to me, compared to simple walking stereotypes. Twisted abusive love expresses itself this way very often. To people like this, genuine feelings of love and horrific desire to control and hurt are the very same. And I think the same can be said for his “successful” children. I do think he loves them, genuinely, but a man like this experiences that emotion through a sense of ownership, control, and an extension of his own ego. It's not that is isn't love, or that it's performative. It is simply twisted, selfish, abusive, but it is there. But Sanji? He doesn't even get that.

God I hope this man suffers a terrible punishment for everything he’s done. An excellent villain, I need him dead and rotting in hell. Whole Peak Island. Thank you Mr. Oda.

[chaoscreaturewrites]

Call of duty, Captain Price, fluff, lil hurt/ comfort ish, domestic, injured reader

Walked right into him

Summary: y/n gets injured and blinded in a work accident. She keeps running into(literally) a kind man at the hospital who gives her his number. It's her first storm alone and the powers gone out and she's panicking. She calls him for help and he solves everything.

Notes: tw for injuries

WC: 2.9k

She always knew her job was dangerous, but more in a hypothetical way, only if you're an idiot way but today she learned it really is dangerous and things can go wrong no matter how many safety measures are put in place.

A hundred safety measures were put in place, a long ass protocol just to enter the lab but it wasn't prepared for what happened today. She was working on making a new compound, and she did, but it was extremely unstable causing an explosion the lab wasn't prepared for.

She was rushed to the hospital with shattered safety glass embedded in her body, she didn't miss the irony of ‘safety glass’.

Glass was embedded all over her with a large shard in her left eye and microscopic glass in her right. They tried to save her left eye in surgery but were unsuccessful. She's now almost fully blind.

Her boyfriend takes her home after being laid up in bed for 2 weeks. As they are walking through the lobby she walks into someone's shoulder and starts apologizing, emotion building in her voice, she's so embarrassed and feels horrible that she'll have to get used to this.

“ don't worry a thing darling, it's alright”

Her boyfriend also apologizes to the man and takes her arm leading her away.

Price makes his way upstairs to meet the others to visit Simon. Johnny asks why he's got that stupid smirk plastered on his face, but he only shrugs in response. It was only just a run in with that cute woman, who's obviously already taken, but still she made him smile like a fool.

3 weeks later she's at the hospital for a check up, but this time she's all alone. The check up goes well and she gets fitted for a prosthetic and decides to get a glittery eye, cause why not.

Her doctor offers to walk her out but she declines, she makes it up with minimal help and the hospital is pretty much the only place she can wander around safely with lots around who can help.

So she goes to try and make her way to the elevator but as she turns a corner she walks right into someone and drops her cane. Again she starts apologizing but is met with that deep voice again.

“I'm all good, are you alright darling”

“I'm okay, just dropped my cane”

“ oh let me get that for ya”

Next thing she knows her cane's being placed back in her hand and she feels a light brush of his warm rough hand against hers.

“your the man from last time, the one who smelled so good”

“ What exactly do I smell like?”

He's thrilled she remembers him, he didn't want to come across as a creep saying he remembered her, but is very glad she remembered him.

“ Smokey, warm, sweetness like caramel, maybe a lil motor grease, makes me picture a log cabin with a cozy fire, a glass of something dark and an old car that's a passion project… oh umm eh sorry that was way to much”

“ that's lovely and impressive”

He can see by the redness of her cheeks she's embarrassed by getting overly personal with a stranger but that moment, her description won him over. He already had a spark of interest for her within him but her words have added kindling forming a flame.

“ do you need a hand”

“I'm trying to find the elevator. I'm pretty sure it's this way, right?”

“ im afraid its behind you”

“ i always took for granted being able to remember floor plans but once there are no visual landmarks you realize how little you remember, but yes i could use a hand”

She reaches out and he works with her moving so she can grab onto his forearm. He's amused as she gives him a little test squeeze, he doesn't miss her tiny quick smile.

He walks them to the elevator and leads her in, he notes how she's forgone her cane in favor of trusting his lead.

“Would it be inappropriate of me to ask what happened?”

“ I don't mind, there was an accident at my lab, I accident discovered a very, very unstable compound and was pretty much sprayed with glass shards at a high velocity”

“ like a frag grenade, it explodes and sends shards of shrapnel, does devastating damage”

“ Yeah, doctors said I got luckily the big shard could have went into my heart instead of face”

“ luckily indeed”

“But enough about him,how come i've run into you twice here, that's not in the odds”

“ my friend, coworker was in an accident and he's a bit of a stubborn pain to put it nicely, so we come and visits him, bring him his favorite tea and give the nurses a break”

“ Even though he's like that, you're still doing all that for him?”

“ he's very rough on the outside and most can't understand what's in him but we've got eachothers backs, when ones down we're there”

“ that's amazing, truly”

“ Do you have someone helping you out?”

“ not anymore, once my boyfriend saw i could microwave food and get around the house okay he left me”

“ i don't mean to offend but he sounds like an immature selfish ass”

“ yeah wasn't too much a loss really”

“ So how are you getting home?”

“Oh the hospital has a service, there's a van that will take me home”

Following the hospital's signs he's able to find the right place to leave her but he doesn't want to. He doesn't want to leave it to chance that she will run into him again. He pulls out a business card hoping to give her his number.

Her vision is very very low meaning she can make out colored blurry shapes but can't really define what the shapes are, or are doing. So she sees him doing something but can't logically narrow down his actions.

“ what are you doing?”

“ oh, well I was going to give you my card but”

“ I have an app that reads things to me”

She reaches her hand out making a grabbing motion a child would do for more snacks, then lays her palm out flat waiting. He hands over his card, amused by her dramics.

3 weeks later the first big storm since she's lost her sight hits and everything goes to crap. Her power has gone out but she sees her neighbors still have light, the solution is to flip the fuse but she can't read it and her app won't recognize the chicken scratch. Her big flashlight died and her phone flashlights didn't do shit for her. She walked into something sharp and might be bleeding but is panicked too much to know.

She's sitting on the floor leaning against the wall crying, panicking and needs help. She's about to call her ex and beg for help but then remember the good smelling man who called her darling and offered her help.

“ this is Captain Price”

“ its y/n, i.. i need help”

That's all he needed to hear, instantly he got in his truck and headed to her place. He could hear the raw emotion in her voice and knew she had tried to deal on her own but had broken down to the point she was stuck and needed someone else, he's just glad she turned to him.

She hears the knock at her door and does her best to make it there without another injury.

“Hello darling”

“ hi”

He steps into the room and closes the door behind him. He heard her distress but now seeing it is a different thing. He can see she's been crying and looks like she's scraped her knee.

“ tell me the problem I'll fix it”

“ i can't read the fuse box, my flashlight died and I can't see shit in the dark and I walked into something sharp”

“ where's the fuse box”

“ laundry room off the kitchen”

“ You stay here, I'll be right back, okay?”

“Okay”

The house sparks back to life and her small field of vision now returns. She wipes away her stray tears as she notes the tall spot of color coming towards her.

“Take my hand and I'll get you patched up”

She reaches out and feels that familiar rough warmth, but this time it's not a passing brush but a full enclosing grip over her hand. She follows his light tug and they make their way to the couch, she recognizes the feeling of the couch cushions feel behind her legs and sits down.

“ where's your medicine kit”

“ under bathroom sink”

They reluctantly release their hand hold as he goes to get the kit. He's glad to find she has a property stocked first Aid kit instead of just a pack of bandaids.

“ okay let's see what we got here”

He goes to lift her pant leg but finds the cuff of her sweatpants won't go up high enough. He doesn't want to make her feel awkward but she'll need to remove her pants. To him it's not a big deal, in the military you get used to just stripping but he's not sure how to approach this with her. Luckily for him she broaches the subject first.

“Do i need to take them off”

“ Yes”

He can't muster any other response than a one word answer.

“ so much time in the hospital I've gotten used to stripping”

“ same thing for me but from military”

“ so I guessed right”

“ huh”

“ with your knowledge of frag grenades, and they way you described your coworkers and well I've felt your arm so”

While she removed her sweatpants he kept his gaze up but now that she's seated again he looks and his heart skipped a beat, her legs are covered in bruises.

“ y/n… how did this happen”

“ I walked into so-”

“ not that, the bruises”

“ it's been rough learning to get around, I didn't think it was that bad though”

“ No, no it's alright I just, just thought-”

“ you thought I was being hurt by someone”

“ at first glance it looks that way”

She reaches out her hand hoping her aim is towards his shoulder or the side of his face, in hopes of connecting and comforting him. By the soft bristle she feels under her fingertips she learns 2 things about him, he has a beard and takes very good care of it. Ever so lightly she strokes his beard, pausing when she feels the slight weight of him resting his cheek in her palm.

This man who she barely knows, in all their encounters he has shown her such kindness, compassion and he's never treated her as anything less than capable. He offers help but he never demens her or makes her feel less than like others.

He gets a bit lost in the tender moment, the feeling of her soft touch, the flame within roaming into a bonfire. His eyes drifted shut as he relaxed into her palm. As he blinked he saw another glimpse of her legs and remembered how they got here.

“ let me get you patched up”

“ oh yes, that”

Her hand goes back to her lap, resting with the other as she lazily taps her fingers. Her face only twitches a little bit as he uses the alcohol wipe, he's amused by her stoicism, just like Simon the grin and bare it type.

“ There you go all done”

“ thank you, Captain Price”

He notes her playful tone as his name rolls off her tongue and is very amused by her teasing. He knows she's referencing how he answered the phone, and now that all her problems have been solved she's having some fun with him. He's glad to see the change from her distressed crying state when he arrived.

“ that's my name don't wear it out”

His cheesy joke for the win, he made her laugh and oh he's gonna try forever to hear that again.

“ any other problems for me to solve”

“ no you've done it all”

“ you sure?”

“Well i guess we could use some dinner”

“ on it”

Like a man on a mission he heads to the kitchen ready to ace one of the most crucial tests of building a relationship: can you serve them a good meal?

“ wait, we should order something I barely have anything”

“ I'm sure I can scrounge something up Darling, don't you worry”

“ You're a stubborn man aren't you?”

It's true he is stubborn and has been told so in many very creative and less polite ways. On any task or mission he does, he sets out to succeed. He makes that his only option in mind, he calls this a good successful mindset others call it stubborn and pigheaded, but so be it his track record shows the truth.

Surely enough he finds what he needs and prepares some grilled chicken breast and rich, creamy cheese pasta. Using someone's kitchen can tell you a lot about them, he learns a few things; she's a baker or was, everything has a place organized ,it's all cute and stylized, and this girl likes cheese.

“ whatcha making?”

“ grilled chicken and cheese pasta”

“ ahh so you found the cheese drawer”

He can't help the chuckle that escapes him and just hopes he doesn't hurt her feelings. He's in no way judging, his kitchen tells a story as well, one of living alone and drinking whiskey with lots of sandwiches.

“ yes quite a variety”

“ cheesy, buttery pasta is one of my favorite foods, probably the favorite”

“ perfect that's one of my specialties”

“ i'll set the table, or try, i've been working on relearning things, only broken a few dishes”

“ failure is the road to success just gotta keep at it”

“ exactly, keep trying”

It takes multiple trips back and forth but she does get the table set. Her initial error was trying to do things like she used to, like carrying all things at once then laying them out. Now it takes a few trips but it still gets done and no broken shards on the floor she can't find till it's so late.

He brings over the food and plates it for them both. He waits watching to see her reaction, breath held, this is the moment, will he win her heart with his food or crush his chances.

She takes a bite of the pasta and immediately goes for more, he takes that as a good sign that he's hopefully winning her over with his cheesy food and cheesy jokes.

She over ate a bit but it was just too good, cheesy pasta is her kryptonite and now the food coma is hitting.

“ can you get the dishes, food coma is hitting, that was so good”

“ of course, go sit”

After washing up he joins her on the couch, his own food coma hitting as well. He may have made the food just a bit too rich but not complaints.

She reaches into the couch cushions between them and pulls out a remote, he finds that a rather clever place to keep the remote. He waits to see what happens as she presses buttons and seconds later music starts to play from a really good sound system he can't seem to locate.

“ where are they speakers the sounds great”

“ when got the place I did some renovations, look around you see the extra air vents”

“ there in the walls?”

“Yep”

“That's genius”

They lounge on the couch together, listening to surround sound music. Neither of them could say when it happened,but they ended up holding hands. First subconsciously seeking out the other, then their fingertips touched and now they have ended up with his hand enclosed around hers as her thumb stoke against his palm.

“ I used to believe in fate but when I woke up in that bed and they told me the damage, it broke everything I believed in but slowly I'm rebuilding, your a big contributor to that Price, thank you”

“ you've done it all on your own”

“ yeah but you helped so accept the thanks or you'll learn I'm stubborn too”

“ alright Darling I accept”

[A different time, week later maybe]

He came over unannounced with a bag of groceries and told her they were going to bake. He watched the biggest smile light up her face and he knew he made the right call.

They both got a bit messy with the flour but had a grand time baking. They make a tray of chocolate chip cookies and an apple pie.

She even started to cry as she thanked him, baking was one of her big passions, a hobbie she always did and was so proud of and it was a loss that really hurt. He wipes away her tears and assures he's always up to come over and bake, put his muscles to use hand whisking and kneading dough.

He's reluctant to share his secret with the guys but they keep asking about his foolish smile, abundance of texts and voice messages, and the baked goods he brings for lunch.

He talks to her, making sure she's okay with it first because he knows once they know about her they will want to meet her. His secret little gem.

They all adore her and she loves her new social circle. She'd lost most of friends after her accident; they either distanced themselves or treated her weird and she left them. The guys welcome her and include her, they don't treat her like she's any different and they all love her baked goods and killer sound system.

Can also check out my cod master list and see if you'd like to be tagged for future works about specific characters

[sweetiekows]

🌟 k as your boyfriend

k x gender neutral reader, sfw

a small collection of various wholesome k headcanons for your viewing pleasure! because everyone deserves babygirl yudai

might turn some of these into full fics in the future!

your yudai loves scents and perfumes, which means he smells good ALL the time. you almost always smell him before you see him in the most pleasant way possible. it's addicting. it also means that he's horrible at sneaking around to surprise you, because you'll always notice the sweet fragrance lingering in the air. (but you pretend to be surprised anyway, because he's cute)

he loves clinging to you and leaving his scent on you to ward off anyone that tries anything funny. they'll think twice once they smell the pretty boy emanating off of you.

he's got quite the fixation on your scent as well. he's always buried in your neck during cuddles, trying to inhale every molecule even if you swear you don't even have a scent at all. he slowly robs you of your used sweaters while you pretend not to notice because he likes the way you smell so much. he buys perfume and candles that remind him of you, surrounding himself with you and nothing but you.

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

he's such a giggly, giddy sweetheart. constantly laughing and smiling. his laughter is infectious and he always smiles around you, even if it's just a cute little quirk of his lips. he's even smiling and laughing into the kisses you both share, so overwhelmed with love and affection for you that it bubbles out between your lips and makes him pull away to express his joy. you make him so unbelievably happy that he can't keep the emotion under control no matter how hard he tries.

it's not like he would try to suppress it, though. yudai has always been adamant on being as open as he can about how he feels about you. he always makes sure to react, to give you something even if it's just a small touch or hum, to show that he acknowledges you and that he listens to you. he always makes it clear that he appreciates your company. you knowing how he feels is one of the most important things to him.

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

on the topic of feelings, yudai definitely confessed first. he was eager for you to know the moment he figured it out himself.

it was probably a very traditional confession. not too grand, but somewhat formal. not in a way that was distant, but instead in a way that was reverent and thoughtful. he nearly yapped for half an hour and you had to get his attention before he went on another nervous ramble. he had both your hands clutched tightly together in his own the entire time, as if he was praying for his feelings to be returned, or at the very least, acknowledged.

he waited on you hand and foot, whether the return took seconds or months. and when you finally returned his feelings, it was one of the first times you had ever seen him cry. he tried to crack jokes to lighten the mood and keep up with the "smooth" act but his eyes were puffy and his little nose was all red. it was a new side to yudai that you had never seen before, and you couldn't help but be endeared by it. yudai whined at your reactions, burying his face into your shoulder, complaining about how he's supposed to be the one doing the smirking and the teasing, and it only made him even cuter.

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

he loves being held and cradled, but he never admits it. he's a big guy, and he thinks that means he's usually the one meant to do the holding. he's afraid of crushing you in your sleep so he never usually asks for it.

that is until one night before bed, when he snuggles up to you sweetly and asks in the smallest voice possible; "can i be the little spoon tonight?"

ever since then, he's been gaining the courage to ask for more and more. he preens like a happy, satisfied kitten in your arms, giggling into the crook of your neck when he takes his place on your lap while you're lounging on the couch. he lets go of the mindset born from toxic masculinity and makes himself at home in your arms, his favorite place to be. a blinding smile grows on his face almost instantly when you open your arms to embrace him.

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

he's a chronic gift giver. he's always ready a month in advance for every birthday, holiday, and milestone with the most special, personalized gift he can think of. he even enjoys giving you gifts on the daily, quick to buy whatever little trinket he finds out and about because it reminded him of you. this man will remember something you offehandedly mentioned wanting 3 years ago and turn the world upside down to find it for you. you could say something like "grapes are tasty" and you'll have a box of the freshest shine muscat the next day, yudai offering it to you with a peck on the cheek.

you can't even be upset at him for spending so much money because he's so sweet about it, especially as he watches you recieve the gift so excitedly, anticipating your reaction. it's hard to be firm and rational when those shiny eyes are looking at you like that.

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

his favorite pet name is honey, and he loves using it and having it being used on him. it's what you two call each other the most, because according to yudai, it feels the most domestic. like a married couple. but both of you are too shy to bring that second part up for now. you're his honey, the sweetness in his life, the term of endearment that he calls out affectionately when you come home.

yudai also loves playing housewife, even if you both have full time jobs. he'll spend his free time cooking and cleaning around the house and he'll look at you expectantly as you admire his work, eyes shining with the hope that you'll find him worthy enough to actually become your stay-at-home husband one day. it's the dream he'll never admit out loud.

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

his hidden talent? massages. he's amazing at giving massages, and most importantly, loves to do them for you. he sees you coming home tired from work and gets straight to business, taking off your coat, sitting you down on the dinner table with a perfect warm meal ready while he stands behind you to massage your aching shoulders. you want to deny him every time and tell him he doesn't have to do all that, but you can't help but melt and relax instantly once yudai is taking care of you. any complaint of a cramp or pulled muscle has an instant response of yudai attending to it immediately with gentle yet firm hands.

you tell him he's like a nagging wife sometimes, and it's the first time you ever see him flush a bright red. yudai doesn't fluster easily, it's an incredibly rare occurrence, but when it happens, he's horrible at hiding it. he buries his face somewhere in your neck or your hair and whines petulantly.

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

that is all for now!! feel free to let me know if you want to see any of these as full fics one day!

don't like, then block

[bacchuschucklefuck]

love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest

[garlic-and-vanilla]

This ask is in your inbox because my brain has apparently chosen to title you as The Illithid Understander and I feel like you might have interesting thoughts to contribute to this topic (please don’t feel obligated to respond tho!)

When I played through bg3 for the first time, what really stood out to me about the Emperor as a character was that he is full of ambiguity. Many of the questions about him, on both a personal level and on a broader level as an illithid, simply do not have concrete answers in canon. I thought that it was so neat how the writers enshrined a vessel for open dialogue regarding some of the biggest themes and questions of the game/story in a character. I thought the whole point of the Emperor’s character is that there’s no One Right Answer about: its intentions, its morality, how much it still is or isn’t Balduran, how much it is or isn’t a monster, why it cares so much about the PC, if it made the right choices, etc.

Which is why I was utterly shocked to find out that SO many people played the game and just… unquestioningly seemed to think that many of those aspects had concrete answers. That this character that, to me, was defined by ambiguity, had been determined by so many to simply be Evil.

I have my own theories about each of the questions/ambiguities listed above, of course, based on my interpretation of canon. But I see them as just that, theories and interpretation. Maybe my perception of the Emperor as a bunch of unanswered questions is just an interpretation, too, but then what was the writers’ intent? (Did my success in high school English classes make me overly confident in narrative comprehension? Lol)

I’ve read many an interesting take on the Emperor on tumblr and ao3 that seem to vibe generally with the whole It’s Supposed to Be Ambiguous thing, and I’d love to hear your take.

First of all this is so funny and I am so honored to be The Illithid Understander lmao.

Second I am very sorry I haven’t answered this sooner. Alas I am not used to ever receiving asks and just now realized I even have one. And what a wonderful message!!!

Honestly I think you fuckin nailed it my man. In a game that spends so much time and energy asking the player to think about questions like “what does it take to be a monster,” “what aspects cause a person to become monstrous,” and “when does it become worth it to become a monster” the Emperor is the ultimate answer. The non-answer. His character embodies all the questions the game wants to ask, and then doesn’t answer any of them for you.

The game shows you characters and says “this is a monster.” Ketheric Thorm is a monster, and Orin and Gortash, despite how sympathetic their backstories and motivations might be. It shows you cycles of abuse, manipulation, cult mentality, and indoctrination. The power of grief, love, fear, and ambition to lead people down monstrous paths even as they think they’re doing the right thing, or the only thing.

You as the player character directly help your companions navigate these themes. You see how they’re affected, how they struggle, what they might become if they choose to give in, and what they become if they don’t.

Do they become monsters? Do you let them? Do you encourage them?

The game shows you clearly what monsters are, and waits to see if you’ll become one yourself.

Withers asks you, “Do illithids have souls?”

He claims they don’t, initially, but that story is contradicted the moment he meets the Emperor in the High Hall, and when you meet him after undergoing ceremorphosis yourself. There’s also lore out there that says illithids do have souls— non-apostolic ones.

So far as the game is concerned, I’m not sure there’s supposed to be a solid answer to that question. I think— like you do— that it’s supposed to be ambiguous. He is not a character the game points to and says “here is a monster.”

I agree with you wholeheartedly that the Emperor is made of ambiguity. The lack of answers are my favorite thing about him. He’s a mass of unanswered questions that you look at and see the themes of the story inside.

Is the Emperor a monster just for being a mind flayer?

Is he a monster because he came to embrace the power his illithid nature brought him?

Because a friend turned on him, claimed he was lost, and he killed them in self-defense?

Because he dominated Stelmane, a situation we have no context for?

How much of his behavior is genuine? How much of Balduran remains, and how much is illithid? Does he even know himself? Does it matter?

He’s a big mystery. We simply do not know everything about his past. We don’t know how much of his behavior is real, or an act. We have to make the deliberate decision to take him at his word, or not. To trust him, or not. To love him, or not. All of this complicated by the reality that his mind and experience are alien to us (a whole other post by itself).

Ultimately, there are no answers except what we come to decide about him for ourselves.

Some people have decided that he’s evil, for various reasons, and sure, that’s certainly a way to answer the question. To end the ambiguity by deciding the Emperor is, after all, a simple monster.

But isn’t it so, so much more interesting if he isn’t?

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Frame switching when you're speaking other languages is such a thing because:

English (native): Swears like a sailor (actually, a sailor is more cleaned up). Dry, sarcastic, sardonic humor

Spanish (second language): 🤓🤓🤓

Hebrew (third language): What is a swear word? What is sarcasm? I have become nice jewish boy.

Italian (fourth language): My Italian ancestors have possessed me. Mambo Italiano is the energy of the night

[mistyycowoa]

Confessing my sins to the internet because my irl friends don't know my tumblr

I'm actually a horrible friend and I don't plan to change :)

I'll be a good friend to anyone I actually like and I usually don't associate with people who I don't like, but sometimes there will be an occasional lonely (usually annoying) kid that follows me around. (They're lonely for a reason.) I kinda hate people who are loud literally all the time but I can hold my tongue and this kinda person just doesn't leave because they're not being told directly to leave.

What do I do? I talk to them only when I need them, I make unnecessarily mean comments as a joke, I point out their obvious flaws that I know they have a hard time changing, and all while they still follow me around like I'm not kinda bullying them.

Sometimes I'll treat them like an actual friend when I'm in a good mood, but if I'm not, then the unfortunate victim becomes my emotional punching bag. (I have ways to quickly fix my mood and this is completely unnecessary and I could distance myself until I feel better like how I do with actual friends.) I think this is like. Breadcrumbing? Anyways yeah, toxic shit.

If any of your "friends" treat you like this, they don't see you as a friend. If they leave you doubting if they like you or not, leave you doubting if you're actually friends, they probably don't see you as a friend. (because that's the case for me :3 )

I'm a horrible human being and I don't feel nearly as bad as I should about it :)

[wackywatchdotcom]

i will say im not super invested in the idea of the show giving us too much information on c&a. like itll be super cool if we find out about it! and im sure itll be relevant information if we do but i think the information we get is going to be not super indepth, because im not sure itd match the tone of the show? its less about mystery and like The Lore and more about the characters and examining how different characters respond and have been responding to the environment set up by the show

(it WOULD be fun to learn more details about c&a and i AM curious i just dont think itd actually enhance much abt the show itself, and as such, i dont think its super important writing wise for the audience to learn about it either)

that SAID i do ascribe to the idea that ALL of the cast members worked for c&a before the ended up in the circus, no exceptions. i dont really know how say gangle or zooble wouldve ended up there, but i feel like they all ended up there one way or another. and i think most of the cast doesnt talk about their life in the real world bc its gone and theres no reason to dredge it up (or theyve forgotten it or most aspects of it), but it does make it fascinating that not even pomni, who has the least reason to avoid these topics at least early on, broached the subject of what in the WORLD is c&a UP to. it literally is never brought up ever as of ep 4. which makes me think the company was probably always super shady in some way to the pt that its employees were kinda desensitized to the idea that its c&as fault that horrible things happen

[volfoss]

we need to stop comic companies from creating worlds most fatphobic hero/villain content like PLEASE dear god.

[oozeandgoo-art]

stupid asshole who lives in my brain

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[arolesbianism]

Doodle I did of my girl Juliet earlier

[shaw-kai]

i helped a girl avoid getting sexually assaulted and as shaken up as i am im really happy with the choices i made. i know what that shit is like and im not going to ignore it and avoid the situation like everyone else does