#I dunno i was just feeling soft
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Making Room
Steve never gets into DnD.
Not even after Eddie convinces him to join a one-shot over one Christmas when the kids are all back from college and jobs and far-flung adventures. He's not a jerk about it or anything. He sits and makes a character with his boyfriend and he does his best with the role-playing and he only asks Dustin for help with the dice seven or eight times (and everyone had promised to give him an even dozen before they gave him shit about it, so it was fine). It's fine. He's not mad that he spent the time doing it with Eddie and the kids (some of them taller than him now, in spitting distance of college degrees and first apartments and jobs and spouses and lives, but they'll always be kids to him).
But afterwards he kisses Eddie and says it really and truly isn't for him, sorry babe.
And that's okay.
When he and Robin are scavenging through yet another thrift store for furniture and dishes and lamps for the apartment she and Nancy are getting in Indianapolis (he's so sad that her room in the little house he shares with Eddie is going back to being a guest room, but he's so damn happy that she and Nance have stopped dancing around each other...and they're only moving about half an hour away, he'll still see her all the time), and he spots an impractically long desk/table, onviously custom-built, with an absurd number of drawers and compartments built into it, he buys it immediately. He wrestles it into Eddie's van that they borrowed for the day, and smiles apologetically when Robin has to hold like three boxes on her lap. He gets it into their dining room while Eddie's at work, graciously gifting their own table to Robin and Nancy, and it's worth all the hassle (and the fact that one end of the table pokes about a foot into the living room space) when Eddie comes home to something big enough for even his most complicated campaign maps and with plenty of storage for all his dice and miniatures and source books.
And sturdy enough for Eddie's most...enthusiastic...thanks, they find out that night.
Steve never gets into DnD.
But every time Hellfire (whatever incarnation of Hellfire it is, be it the Hawkins crew or some of the guys from the little record shop Eddie works at in town, or some combination) meets up for a game, they get used to Eddie yelling, "Stevie! Evens or odds?" everytime a situation calls for a luck die. They learn that complimenting the snacks Steve sets out will sometimes get them advantage on a roll. They watch Eddie snag Steve's wrist as he passes in or out of the dining room and get him to roll a D20 for various and random reasons. Steve always obliges, before drifting back to the couch with a beer or a slice of pizza and whatever basketball or baseball game is on.
Steve never gets into DnD.
But sometimes Eddie spreads newspapers over the Campaign Table (TM) and sets pots of paint and rows of miniatures out, and he and Steve sit together for a few hours, Steve slapping on the basecoats with a single pot of white, gray, or black and Eddie going to town on the details while they chat about their day, playing footsie under the table or stealing kisses while they wait for something to dry.
"Babe! I need a name for the friendly barkeep who knows more than he seems!"
"Carl."
"He's a half-orc!"
"Those are the big green guys, right?"
"Yeah!"
"Hmmm. Big Carl."
"Perfect!"
Steve never gets into DnD. But he loves Eddie, and he loves how into DnD Eddie is. So he makes room in his life for this thing that Eddie loves.
***
Eddie never gets into sports.
Like, objectively he understands that some people enjoy running around getting all sweaty, trying to keep some kind of ball away from other people and make it go into some kind of receptacle. And he certainly appreciates the view of some of those people in tight little shorts.
Particularly Steve.
Like honestly? If it wouldn't get him labeled a total creep (and they weren't so careful about giving anyone a reason to question the assumption that they're just two young friends living together to save money until they find respectable women to marry)...he'd park his van out by the little middle school where Steve teaches gym and coaches basketball and baseball every day during his lunch break, just to watch his boyfriend run the mile with his students in those shorts that hug the muscles of his thighs just right.
But he doesn't like sports apart from the strictly prurient interest he has in watching Steve wear sports-appropriate clothes.
He tries. He wants to know just what it is that keeps Steve glued to the TV when his favorite teams are playing, wants to understand why Steve yells and groans and jumps up with wild cheers, spilling popcorn all over the living room floor. He just...doesn't get it. Steve tries to explain March Madness to him one year and it makes no more sense than when Wayne tried to when Eddie was a kid. Eventually he just shrugs, kisses Steve's nose, and goes back to petting through his boyfriend's hair with a, sorry, baby, it's not for me.
And that's okay.
He gets up early the week Steve is overseeing baseball tryouts, to make sure his boyfriend has a travel mug of coffee fixed just the way he likes it, and a good breakfast waiting for him when he gets out of the shower. Steve is unquestionably the cook in their relationship, but Young Eddie ate a lot of breakfast for dinner over the years and Adult Eddie makes damn good pancakes, omelettes, and French toast.
Eddie never gets into sports.
But he gets Lucas to break down exactly what kind of notes and stats Steve will be keeping track of and draws up a template "character sheet" for baseball players, spending an hour at the local library laboriously making copies with their cantankerous mimeograph machine.
He sure as shit never gets up at the crack of dawn to go running around the neighborhood the way Steve does...but on days when it starts raining or snowing halfway through Steve's run, he'll drag himself out of bed and throw some towels in the dryer, so they're nice and warm when Steve comes back inside.
Eddie never gets into sports.
But he takes every overtime shift he can for a month, so he can take Steve to Chicago for his twenty-fifth birthday to see the Bulls play. The seats aren't great or anything, and it's noisy as fuck, crowded as fuck, and he has no idea why his boyfriend is losing his mind every time that Jordan guy so much as touches the ball...but Steve's eyes are sparkling, the color is high in his cheeks, and when they get back to their hotel that night, they've barely closed the door before Steve is shoving him against it, devouring his mouth.
"Hey Eds, Ohio State or Georgia Tech?"
"For what?"
"I'm doing my brackets for the pool I've got with Hopper and Lucas!"
"Um, whoever's in red!"
"Ohio State it is, thanks babe!"
Eddie never gets into sports. But that's okay. He loves Steve, and he loves how happy Steve is when he's playing, or coaching, or running (God help him, he fell in love with someone who gets up at six am to run. Without anything chasing him.) So he makes room in his life for this thing that Steve loves.
Because certainly, love grows in shared passions and matching interests. But it also flourishes in the carefully tended space you make just for the things that make your person happy...even if it's just not for you.
#steddie#stranger things#stranger things fic#steve harrington#eddie munson#my wriitng#I dunno i was just feeling soft
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Promise Me
An Adam x Reader Drabble
A. N. - This is a prologue to my Adoration fic I’m gonna hopefully post soon. I felt like this was going to be too long so I’m making it into two parts. Anyways, here’s sad Adam.
You don’t really know what happened to your boyfriend. He came back from the extermination, texting you a quick ‘Be home in 20’ instead of the usual ‘Get ready for a fuckathon, bitch’ (What a charmer) Then Lute texted you with a ‘Lost Siz. Adam’s upset.’
Sizzor, one of his newer girls, was like a daughter, or niece, really, to him. He would come home bragging about how she takes after him, how she’d make a great general after he works with her, then how anyone would be great if they worked with him because he was the best. That was the Adam that came home to you every day.
So, when he draped himself over you as you were making his ribs in an attempt to cheer him up, you were ready for him to grab SOMETHING. Instead, he just nuzzled into your neck, arms around your waist, and… stood there. He took a deep breath before mumbling into your skin, “Hi.”
‘Hi.’ That was new.
“Hi,” you tentatively kissed his head, a hand coming up to his hair. His hair, because his mask was off, discarded on the couch along with his main robe. “You hungry?”
“I dunno,” another mumble. He kept his face buried in your neck, wings slightly curling around you at this point.
“I can’t move with your wings, Adam.”
He held them out wider, but still around you both. He pressed gentle kisses along your neck as his hand held your flush against him, “Can we go to bed?”
That made you pause. Adam would normally pick you up, throw you over his shoulder, and bring you to the room. You glanced at the food, having just finished. “Okay, let me just put this away for later.” You got a quick kiss on the shoulder in return. He didn’t let go, though, which made it rather difficult to grab everything…
—
“Thank you.”
That made you pause. The soft voice, the tired look, the damn near whine in his throat. You grabbed his face, running your thumb over his cheek, “Thank you for what, baby?”
“I dunno,” he mumbled as he kissed your palm, a hand running up your back, “For staying with me.” He shifted you a bit to make you straddle his lap, his back against the headrest, as he curled around you. His wings made a cocoon around you both, the feathers tickling your skin.
“Why wouldn’t I?”
He let out a rather broken laugh, “I’m an asshole. I know I am.” He nuzzled back into your neck, holding you a bit tighter, “You’re too… Damnit, you’re too perfect. We’re in Heaven for fuck’s sake. I know ‘everyone’s equal under God’, but you’re not. You’re… you’re so good and I’m��� I’m not.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” you grabbed his face again, “Where is this coming from? What happened?”
“Nothing,” he grumbled, pulling away from you and hiding again, “Just… don’t let me push you away. Please. I need you, baby.” He moved along your neck, pressing open mouthed kisses as he held you to his chest.
“I-“ you shivered, instinctively tilting your head, “I won’t let you push me away, baby. But I-“
“Promise,” his hand moved to your ass, squeezing as he pulled you closer to his chest. “Promise me you won’t leave me, too,” he nipped at your collarbone, tugging at your shirt, “I can make you feel so good. I swear. You just gotta let me, babe.”
“Adam, I won’t-“
“Promise me,” he looked up, giving you puppy eyes that rivaled even the worst ASPCA ads. “Please promise me.”
You paused before cupping his face, “Okay. I promise.” He didn’t bother responding, only pulling you in for a desperate kiss. If this wasn’t Heaven, you’d have thought you were dying with how distraught he looked. When you pulled away, he leaned forward, chasing your lips. “Adam, I need you to calm down. What’s wrong?” You ran a hand through his hair, moving it out of his face.
He hesitated, leaning into you as he closed his eyes. He sighed, pulling your hand to his cheek, “I- Fuck, I’m sorry. I just…”
“Is it about Siz?”
He paused, hiding behind your palm. Which was difficult considering his hand alone was far bigger than yours. “Yeah,” his voice was soft.
“Oh, darling,” you held his head to your chest, “I’m so sorry.”
“I wasn’t… I wasn’t there. I just… I turned around and she was dead. She’s an angel, she- They can’t die. We can’t die.” He mumbled a soft, “You can’t die.”
Oh.
“Adam, look at me,” you brushed his hair back.
Your heart clenched as he looked up at you through his annoyingly long lashes. “I’m not leaving. I’m not dying. I promise.”
He just nodded, hiding his face in your chest. You had half a mind to think he just really liked your personal pillows.
Especially when his hand slid under his your shirt to grab one.
You smiled. That was the man you know, the one that would shamelessly ‘hold your tits up’ for you. “What are you doing?”
“It’s comfortable.”
“Seriously?”
“Very.”
You couldn’t help the soft laugh that bubbled up as you ran a hand through his hair. Or the smile as he looked up at you like you hung the-
“Can I eat you out?”
And… he ruined it.
#I feel like this is rushed-#I might just delete this or remake it#I dunno I don’t think I love it#hazbin hotel adam x reader#adam x yn#adam x reader#hazbin adam#hazbin hotel adam#Soft Adam
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#fuecoco#i gotta say i didn't really care for this thing at first. it was one of my least favorite starters right next to grookey when it was first#revealed. and normally i'm a big fan of fire starters. but this guy didn't do it for me#and this design still doesn't‚ but i do appreciate skeledirge. it's very cool‚ i love the fire hat and the día de los muertos design#it really feels like tpc have been going all out on making pokémon that Fit The Region since gen 8#which is pretty cool. i like it. and i definitely think paldea has some very fun vibes. but i dunno if i'd say it's one of my favorite#regions pokémon-wise or layout-wise. it was their first shot at open world‚ and i think it shows#the older regions with more limitations definitely shone more because they worked better in those limitations#paldea just feels like a big open empty sandbox at times. which is fun to explore‚ but doesn't feel too civilized compared to something#like… unova. where there's a city on every fuckin route corner and they're all so full of life and personality#like i could not remember any of the paldea town themes for the life of me. i can remember their names for the most part#but that's basically just because the facilities that get used a lot are spread out between them. for example: i remember medali#specifically because it's where i go to change a pokémon's tera type. i remember mesagoza because it's the main hub city#i remember levincia because of the posters. i remember montenevera because i think the hyper training guy is there#but not because like. i remember driftveil because YAAAAAAAAAAAAA#y'know. even galar had a better region design than paldea#that's not to say i think paldea is BAD. like i'm not a scarlet/violet hater like every other pokémon “fan” on the internet#i've put like 200+ hours into that fuckin game. i still LIKE it. but my heart still holds a soft spot for kalos and the like
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I feel like my main sticking point with a lot of Post-CH2-12 Hu!Culprit theories / Hu lied about her alibi theories is that in all honesty, I simply cannot imagine Nico just... letting that slide. Especially if everyone's lives were on the line. If any Hu!Culprit people can sorta explain that thought process to me I'd appreciate it a lot
#this is applying to both nico!accomplice and non nico!accomplice btw#like I dunno I feel like sometimes people *slightly* exaggerate just how soft-spoken and non-confrontational nico is#like yeah they're shy and easy to intimidate and don't like conflict#but they will also call you a stupid motherfucker to your face without blinking#and in general is one of the more logical individuals in the cast (y'know when ace isn't up their ass)#if hu lied about their alibi I really dont think they would just... stay quiet#but thats just me. obviously different people have different interpretations of characters#danganronpa despair time#drdt#hu jing#drdt hu#nico hakobyan#drdt nico
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An eye for a life, unquestionably worth it (Patreon)
#Doodles#ISaT#Siffrin#Bonnie#Blood#It's been *checks watch* nine months??? since I last drew an empty eye socket???#Not even ZEX got that treatment how could this be :0 It's such a Look#I guess it's only been a couple months since I posted Diaryfic!Edgar but that was drawn a while ago - Sif is new and fresh blood <3#I'm sure they're stoked about it lol sorry Sif#That really was my entire motivation I just wanted to draw eye horror and blood on him lol poor Sif#But also I got to practice Bonnie :D Again I'm sure they're stoked about the situation#Gosh that'd be such a scary situation for a kid :'0 And feeling guilty about it weh </3#Their name being called and it's scary and sad even tho Sif's just trying to comfort! Weh#If I thought about it in a Bit less of an angst mood (lol) I imagine the other adults would flock to Sif both to protect/help him#But also to keep him out of Bonnie's line of sight - the less time spent looking the less traumatic hopefully :(#There's something Very about Sif getting blood - his own or anyone's really - on his cloak :0#Something he's had for a long long time and Something Happens - it's just Very I dunno of what but Very#Really fun to draw the black and white blood splatter ♪ Shaped character design paired with soft details ah <3#I've been really into that hazy fuzzy eye style lately too it's really fun to ''tone'' the eye rather than ''line'' it#It's not something I think about that much so I don't do it often! But it's quite effective :D
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disney is a coward so I know they'll never do this, but given what we learned was SUPPOSE to happen between alex and stevie, I would still love a post-eloping for the reboot.
like just imagine alex and stevie as the Cool Gay Aunts(tm) for justin's kids (+ billie). they show up for the holidays and totally shower the kids with magical gifts, including a baby dragon for the boys (which does end up setting fire to their parents bed sheets). milo shows off a magic trick to his friends, using alex (since billie's not allowed to) sneakily casting spells from the bushes so the card really does dissapear from his hand, leaving his friends cheering (stevie smiling but refusing to admit to alex how cute is it). stevie has a motorcycle (which alex thinks is super hot but also refuses to admit) and while the kids aren't old enough for a ride, she does let them sit on it and rev the handles nice and loud while justin panics from the porch. they team up with all three kids to pull pranks on justin and even sometimes get giana in on a few harmless ones. maybe alex even uses her role on the tribunal to get stevie's records cleared, and they both start to advocate for a more fair way of distributing magic between families.
and billie could have an extra adult at her side! I know justin is suppose to fill the pseudo-dad role, but while billie spends her time with the russo's, also gets to spend her summers or whatever with her two cool wizard aunts. they encourage her to keep up with her studies but for the most part they just chill, letting billie indulge in a few sweets (knowing how health-conscious justin has forced his family to be) and sometimes in a pg-13 movie together. when she's there however, the house does turn into a prank war; guests are to be extremely careful when entering and encouraged to bring a separate pair of clothes.
I dunno it would just be super cool; alex and stevie reunited and I think the kids would love her too - plus watching their aunt who's always acted so aloof get all smiley and whatnot and I'm just imagining a scenario with alex and the kids like:
billie: why does stevie call you babygirl
alex: hey who wants to play the quiet game!!
#wizards of waverly place#wowp#wizards beyond waverly place#disney channel#I would LOVE a reappearance of stevie though just imagine it#even though billie has been training something happens where the council finally decides to strip her of her powers like alex warned about#alex and justin try going to talk to the council on billie's behalf but have to leave her behind#and when billie's all alone you suddenly see stevie slink from the shadows with a 'hey kid..'#billie is nervous at first but stevie says she actually wants to help her and that it's not fair what's happening to her#and says if billie comes with her then she can keep her powers and in a moment of worry billie makes the split decision to go with her#I dunno how alex finds out maybe roman sees it happen too late and says some girl took billie#'what girl??' 'I dunno! she was a wizard too - she kept her wand in her boot!'#and IMMEDIATELY alex knows what happened#alex eventually finds stevie and there's this VERY tense moment when they see each other#stevie still mad at alex for 'betraying' her (even if stevie was kinda right but nvm) and who's she's aligned with now#'you workin' for the man now russo? gone soft?' 'at least I'm not straight-up stealing kids'#alex still feeling a bit guilty about what she did to stevie but mad at her for taking billie#there's an almost fight (verbal or magical whichever) but in some outside chaos they loose billie#now they're forced to team up to find her#and although it's cold at first they both warm up again to each other having missed their friendship (even if it was short lived)#stevie quietly admiring how much further alex has gotten with magic and how she's excelled#and alex still having a soft heart for stevie wanting to help the wizards who got abandoned#anyway they find billie but the council is alerted to what happened and is now on their way to them to capture stevie#a cornered alex pleads with stevie saying she can persuade the council to let her go and while stevie's heart skips at that#she knows it's no use and uses her magic to create a pocket dimension to escape or something#but not before kissing alex on the corner of her lips and saying 'till next time russo - give that stuck-up council some hell for me'#freezing alex who's seconds from pulling her back and then disappears#billie enters and unfreezes alex and watches her face slowly turns crestfallen as she realizes#'do you think we'll ever see her again?' 'your guess is as good as mine kid..' '..do you want to?' '....lets head back home.'#WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE
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CW for itsy bit of blood.
Giving some semi-monster (tender) lovin', requested by Dragonuva!
I very much enjoyed drawing this! 🥰
#connverse#doodles for tips#Steven Quartz Universe#Connie Maheswaran#monster Steven#CW blood#I'd almost say it shouldn't be noticeable but it is very near the middle so maybe it is noticeable?#Sum tender lovin#Trying to log in discord and remembering I haven't posted this yet.#I really like body horror but I'm not good at drawing horror so this is the closest I can get.#Thank you for the tip!!!#The request specifically was Connie giving monster Steven or semi monster Steven that well deserve fluffy love.#I decided to go the soft route.#Oh... I just realized now. I hope it didn't come off more angsty than fluffy! 😅#I dunno what happened here but I hope it's not too painful.#Listen. He's babey no matter what he looks like 😤#I feel like there's more I wanted to add but I really got to hit the hay now I have work tomorrow.#my shiz
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Okay, so...amid the chaos that is my brain and the feelings arising regarding my comic...please accept this tiny doodle of Cassandra. I doodled this at the very humble beginnings of this comic.
I literally just made this comic cuz I wanted to draw Cassandra in my style and now...welp y'all know the rest. Now I am so overwhelmed with this comic cuz I am ~deeply~ regretting everything I put Cassandra and Leo and Casey and Mikey through oh stars and it's not even over yet haha...🫠
But!
Just know that I see and hear y'all and I appreciate all your support, seriously, it keeps me going. Thank you 💙✨
#getting soft and vulnerable for a minute here#this comic has got me in a puddle rather unexpectedly#i dunno i just...drew something today that got me thinking a little too ~deeply~#things are feeling so surreal right now eugh boy#anywhizzle!#:)
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I love my body idc!!!! I'm fat who cares it's cute as shit!! weeee
#real ed recovery hours.. like yes i put on a shit ton of weight when i started t#because!! i was finally feeling comfortable in my own skin#thats awesome#i dunno man ill probably hate myself again tomorrow but i feel good today :“)#im just so glad i dont starv myself anymore i was so sick#i love my soft belly yippeee noone can stop me
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Thinking about someone who's constantly there for you. Not even just in the comfort way, more of someone who's always present. Someone who's conveniently awake the second you get up, and stays up just a bit longer than you do. Someone who talks to you until you have to go and waits for you to come back, or leaves you little messages while you're away. Someone who's awake to give you those "I know you're asleep, but..." messages that everyone adores. Someone who's so present in your life that it's hard to exist without them around.
#casanova's posts#casanova's writings#soft obsession#soft yandere#love#I know you're asleep but...#rambling#I dunno guys I just feel super sappy rn#yan blog#darling#irl darling#darlingcore#this is also lowkey a cry for more anons#send anons#send me asks
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I wanted to go on a drawing spree yesterday, but I could only muster these two before dozing off.
First one, even if I'm not that sure about how I drew her face shape in this angle (and most importantly I forgot her neck and torso bandages OOPS) I do really like how most of the drawing came out. And at least it isn't a bland bust this time, though I'm pretty sure I've already drawn a pose like this before. (Oh no the next drawing is a 3/4 bust again..)
Second, yesterday I saw an artist draw some of the coolest redesigns ever for a different media piece, and thought about the many awesome gg redesigns I often see so I wanted to give A.B.A a spin... Except I was out of ideas so most of this drawing is her regular design haha. I got too tired to even try to attempt to draw the rest of the body and half-assed the key but I like the vibes and pose (even if I.. think I made her neck a bit too long? Old habits die hard... Necks are my enemies when drawing!)
I like the idea of her having a key take on the classic frankenstein bolts (though wait, her head key is referred to as a screw. Would this also be a screw or key shaped bolts??-)
#this counts as a pride post because I am very gay for her#her uneven shoulders and stray eyebrow hair (like some d.bz characters <3) have captivated me#anyways sorry for being so wordy in the post... I will be wordier in the tags! sorry. feel free to skip these I'm just gonna ramble#while drawing these I realised I was accidentally doing a shitty a.b.a cosplay: eyebags. hairband. stitches and what Ishiwatari would call#morbid pallor LMAO. I admit I put on the hairband because of her <3 but the rest was unintentional. I hadn't worn one in yrs cause I don't#*didn't like how my hair looks w it plus felt kinda rigid but.. my current hair w a hairband is growing on me? prob not gonna wear it outsid#but thank u a.b.a for making me retry it <3. also the head feeling is kinda cool. though mine is of a hard material n I'm p sur hers is soft#anyways. I have one of this year's most important assignments/appointments tomorrow. wish me luck#after that I'll still have to go do productive adulting but I'll be able to sleep better n have energies n time to draw stuff n gaming#til that happens stuff is super hectic in all senses so drawing this goober is my escape valve. uh dunno what else. I'm tired#also oh I wanna take a moment to say thsnk u to all the people that like my art of her (and art in general but 95% art I upload her is her#LMAO) I don't wanna get parasocial but I do recognise your usernames and how u keep up with my kilometric tags. you make my day sometimes.#also huh my art (style?) got different lately. Idk how I feel. but drawing dif stuff is cool#wtf did I catch up the habit of drawing each hairstrand. my hand dislikes it. IMAGINE IF I DREW MILL.IA INSTEAD AAAAA#a.b.a#art tag2b named#edit for better term: thank youuu. may the homunculus obsession unite us all <3
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Something something... Pressing a kiss to all of your eyes, hands stained with ichor as I caress the void. The taste of iron and stardust lingering in my mouth as I kiss you- soft, cruel, benevolent, and ethereal being that you are. Like warm sunlight in my palms I almost feel as if I shouldn't be able to keep you, and yet here you stay. Ever so kind and darling, let me hold a piece of you forever...
#Drabble#Just scribbling something down#read it as gender stuff#read it as me being gay and poetic#either interpretation works#snuggly feelings#soft#soft feelings#angel#eldritch#some other things in the back of my mind#I dunno#<3#nsft#queer nsft#t4t nsft
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...
#sorry im thinking abt death again#because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died#that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from#time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed#i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she#died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way#my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today#for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days#and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt#future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her#last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that#and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving.#sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless#others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club#i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her#stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i#dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my#family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters#probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno.#i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity.#again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a#full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length#unrelated
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For Requestober No.2
What about Handplates Gaster and Papyrus trying hard to have a bonding activity and Sans just chilling behind them eating popcorns...?
👉🏻👈🏻
Day 14 - He's supervising
#My art#Requestober#UT#Handplates#Gaster#Papyrus#Sans#Ah....The cutes........#I'm really pleased with how this one came together haha ♪ Soft and colourful and overlaps and subject! Yeah!!#And look at the bottoms of those shoes!!!!!! Improving!!!!! Genuinely probably the best I've done so far ahh yaay#It does feel a bit funny to have Papyrus' outfit as kind of a mish-mash of various design elements lol#It's his Battle Body but there's the black-clothed spine from my design but bare arms and legs from Handplates#I dunno I just work here lol#Sans is pretty much on-model at least - Sans no you'll get butter on your gloves!#He's very happy to be here as you can see lol#''be more excited you got a gift from the best skeleton in the underground and above it''#Papyrus just trying to have the most fun :') His enthusiasm makes up for everyone else's - right? Has to#Gaster's being passive - bracelet of yellow flowers huh hmmm - but he's not fighting or leaving! Every little drop of progress#His little kneel under Papyrus' open lap is so cuuuute wahhh <3 <3 Soft interactions! Gentle touch!#Not confining or even all that purposeful just casual pleasant contact hh <3#Quite happy with the patch of grass as well hehe I think it follows the composition curve nicely ♪#Really in love with my grass brush can you tell lol but I also used my waterbrush! Ahh it's nice it feels good to colour with#Cute and soft <3 Like it all very much ♥
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Sometimes I feel there's a bit of misunderstanding about aromantic folks. They don't do the romance thing but they love. So. Much.
We love our family! Our friends! I have been so in love with my fellow man. I love humanity fiercely, there is so much good alongside the bad. I love us so much I think we're worth saving, you and I. I have loved deeply if not well, but I will continue to love as best I can.
I just think society hoodwinked me into believing I was incomplete and I let it and I'm clawing my way back to believing I am simply me. I hope we all get there.
#good luck my friends#i love you all#love#humanity#romance#aromantic#i dunno#just feeling down i guess#lgbtqia#i hope we all make it#we deserve a soft epilogue#feeling dramatic
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I'm really glad elyss came several years before melliwyk, because mel's alignment shift from chaotic neutral to chaotic good sometimes feels a little embarrassing in an 'I can't keep my own feelings to myself for the sake of committing to the bit' sort of way, but the counterpoint to that is that elyss, steadfastly true neutral, just simply Does Not Care about anyone other than her own loved ones or anything outside her own immediate interest no matter how much I sometimes wish she would
#she has a soft spot for children but that's the only real exception. other people's problems are none of her business!#she's not gonna look for your kidnapped husband or whatever unless the paladin wants to (he wants to. this is my loophole as a player lol)#whereas *I* wanna befriend and adopt every NPC and do quests and help people out of genuine desire to help#melliwyk is still more self-interested than not but at the end of the day she fundamentally really is a good person#she just lost track of it for awhile. being around people again has reminded her that she cares about people actually#she IS bothered by needless suffering. she IS smart enough to recognize when smart people handwave 'necessary sacrifices' to be cruel#she DOES oppose evil on principle rather than just because of how it directly affects her or her friends and family--#not just passively and in general but actively enough to want to do something about it herself#and I dunno it's nice. it's nice that it feels like that's not just me muddying the waters with my desires as a player--#but that it's just something *neither* of us realized when I started playing her but that was nonetheless always true#and honestly I also think it's nice that elyss is Like That but that I don't think there's anything wrong with her for it#she's not evil! she's not hurting anyone who didn't deserve it! she's literally just trying to mind her own business#she's not going to needlessly or carelessly hurt people just for her own gain like early campaign melliwyk would have#she's true neutral like a wild animal is true neutral and That's Fine#the ONE downside I suppose with mel is that 'NICE does not mean GOOD' is compelling to me#especially when your stereotypical chaotic neutral dnd character is an edgelord asshole#but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe if her field of study had more opportunities for human experimentation lmao#melliwyk the experimental necromancer or behaviorist or summoner has a different relationship with ethics I have no doubt#melliwyk has READ studies with Dubious Ethics and gone 'I mean they couldn't have GOTTEN results like this otherwise'#really the biggest difference between Good Melliwyk and Neutral Melliwyk is opportunity for temptation. which is also compelling#my OCs#melliwyk#elyss
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