#I dont want to be slapped with words

[amerasdreams]

.......

Well... tumrblr isn't therapy. I have to learn this somehow once and for all. Not broadcast my vulnerabilities.

I need an outlet. Do I? Or therapy? Already taking anti anxiety meds but I'm not sure if working and may actually be detrimental (I haven't had this much self harm impulse for a while... which isn't saying too much severity wise but still. Also harder to get up and may be making me feel bad even earlier in the day! What if it messes up my ability to feel good in the morning! Things start out good usually then go downhill. I sent theDr. A message. I already stopped one anti anxiety med bc my heart was like 114 bpm when sitting still for a while).

Need something. Idk. Everything is hard. Emotions unstable and i panic easily and spiral easily. Like today. Again. Idk if I have a disorder or what. I feel so helpless and often hopeless. When I think what I want vs what I have the capacity for. when i try to get there and fail miserably at the SMALLEST step. 😞

Is there any solution. I feel like i am different from everyone even mentally ill ppl... I don't fit in with anything, I'm unique but not in a good way

In any case... I can't expect tumrblr to help me. Help as in distraction maybe. But too much temptation to vent. 😞 why.

I see others talk about their issues and they get sympathy, ppl gently attempt to help. I have gotten some of this. But. At this point ppl probably tired of me, everything is the same and I say stupid stuff. I'm toxic. Why are they following? Idk.

I really can't expect anyone to help me. Ppl don't want negativity. I've got to somehow figure out things. I like tumblr and it has seemed more of a home than other places but. Can't let it be a solution. Bc itisn't. Idk what is. .

Maybe I should go off for a little while. Something. I have to have self control to not post stupid personal stuff no one cares about. I don't want to be a spectacle. Don't want to be known for this

It's just I have so many emotions and with such intensity if I don't express them in some way-- idk what will happen

[choccy-milky]

omianne wip from over a year ago that ill never properly finish (redraw of 'the other father' by mac conner)

[sorrelpaws]

talking about work drama

[megumi-fm]

.

[730skull]

aew we aint askin for much tbh like even this is Fine…

[eightspringdays]

Just saw a TikTok complaining about fanfics that didn't have "enough dialogue" because "reading more than three sentences" was hard.

I'm not against heavy dialogue-oriented fics; they are fun, but... that's a script. You want to read a fucking script, hope you know that. A writer isn't "bad" because they are... you know, writing. Just say it isn't your thing and move on, but categorize something as "bad" because you lack the ability to fucking read... ain't the author's problem; it seems like a "you" one.

[danidoesathing]

I agonized over which to pick because I just want to ask about all your fics in progress!! I narrowed it down to two and that's just going to have to be ok

the world is staged and the script is set (you cannot change the ending)

Jukeboxes and Maple Syrup

its very funny you pick those two because those like. two of the only three on that list that ISNT lord huron related lmao. those are both hatchetfield fics ive started in secret. regardless those are the main ones im working on right now SO

the world is staged and the script is set (you cannot change the ending) is a fic based on the ending of TGWDLM where like. you know how in the credits where Emma starts begging the audience for help? and like. you know how in TTO how the audience is also referred to by Bliklotep's title? soooo the fic is the ending but i throw him in the mix and ramp the already existing horror of "begging for help and being ignored a cheering crowd" by going "realizing said crowd has been treating your suffering and death as a source of amusement right before you die". only fun times in hatchetfield

"She stumbles to the edge of the stage. The stitches in her leg have come undone and there’s blood seeping through the bandage. That is real. Emma is real, and she needs to help right now."

Jukeboxes and Maple Syrup is a fic that takes place directly after the end of Yellow Jacket that focuses on Daniel and Sophia like. right after the ending. we dont really see them after the Otho fight and we still have no clue is Sophia is even ALIVE and also i miss them dearly. the fic mostly focuses on Daniel trying not to have a panic attack in Miss Retros because one friend is missing after almost dying and the other is in the hospital after also almost maybe dying and he doesn't really know what to do. Not a whole lot of plot it's mostly him trying to deal with that whole. mess. luckily he's got Miss Holloway and Duke to make things a bit easier (responsible adults? in MY hatchetfield? its honestly only these two but its better than nothing)

"He feels so stupid. Sophia is in the hospital and she might never wake up. Hannah is missing and could be kidnapped or dead or worse. And he’s just sitting here in a cozy diner with pancakes and orange juice, and Hannah’s Jacket but not Hannah and not Sophia."

[greencloakedfae]

One of my teammates altered the formating for how some data is stored for this project and thats fine its so totally fine cause it's lowkey an improvement i think but now I've spent the last 4 hours fixing everything else and i still have stuff to fix and oh my god i hate this project sm

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[satsuha]

actually while i'm on the topic can i just say that this banter (hikari ch3) felt so nerfed in english because hikari's been talking about his friends this entire time but in the original japanese, he uses a different word in most other contexts (can be seen as closer to "comrade") and this conversation with temenos is the only time he uses a more explicit word for friend when referring to anyone. also temenos was obviously thinking of roi during this conversation and his banter with agnea about him is also titled "memories of roi" o<-<

[applejongho]

between a suspected comeback and jongho still being on hiatus and all of the bullshit going on w my life rn it's just so hard to exist rn lmao

[size-two-shrimp]

It's almost been a year since I started writing for ULTRAKILL.

[llitchilitchi]

You can mute/blacklist certain words and tags. So when those people use certain tags you can mute it and you won't see it

I know, but unfortunately the way tumblr handles it is shit, plus it doesn't work if people don't tag this stuff.

plus, and I know this will sound petty, it does get really, really annoying when I'm scrolling through my dash and all the posts are just a grey square that just says 'POST CONTAINS TAGS YOU BLOCKED: DISCOURSE, QSMP' like that's nice but that's still 30 posts in a row that are greyed out and taking up space. I might as well just J past the posts after catching the first signs of it covering something I do not want to see

[perfectly-clear-from-here]

Hey! I hope your exams are going well and i am literally on the edge of my seat waiting for the next chaptet of inhaler! That fic is sooo good already 🥰

ahhh oh my goodness tysm!! my exams just finished the other day so it won't be too long till the next chapter!! (ty for everyone's patience honestly I'm also like proper itching to just post it already 😭) im so so so glad that youre enjoying it so far and tysm for this lovely wee message, this has actually put me in the best mood and has single handedly grabbed my writers block by the bootstraps and thrown it out the door so again thank you so much 🩷

[todayisafridaynight]

INCREDIBLY FUNNY that I refused to settle for just saying "bread" but yes it was those! So in that sense, the lavish bread physics are integral to conveying how important the little things were in getting him through prison. Still, for the sake of the drip…...... perhaps sacrifices are needed...

But yeah, I'm thrilled you noticed those things about the evolution of Jo's design, too! It's super interesting to think about in terms of storytelling, I don't think you're inarticulate in saying that at all. Speaking of, I also just look up "holder" to find prev asks at this point lol

Jo and Ichi's dynamic is also a major topic of interest for me (as we've seen). I think a lot of what's going on with them is definitely some variation of "old habits die hard." That's natural when you form that kind of uneasy coexistence. But like you mentioned, it's also telling that Jo picked up the nickname in the first place, because I went back through the entire script, and it really is the case that only Arakawa, Masato, Jo, and the people who raised Ichi call him that. It's reserved for his family.

I think this line about Aoki (that I completely forgot about before looking at the script again lol) may also shed some light: "A long time ago, I knew him as the young master. He knew me as Ichi." Because they all do that, don't they? Ichi still says Captain, Boss, and Young Master, Jo still says Boss, Ichi, and Young Master, Aoki still says Dad and Ichi.

Even though on paper these relationships should've dissolved with Ichi being expelled, Masato becoming Aoki, and Jo taking over as second patriarch, to one another, they're all still who they used to be. And as an aspect of how they communicate, the "learned language" that forms in families, it stands out when they're all on the same page with the terms they choose to use.

This line from Ichi also stood out to me: "But my aniki taught me different. He said whoever makes the first move is the victor. The guy with steel balls wins." Like, that's clearly Jo, right? For one thing, the "flavor" of aniki is different from Captain, of course--one is directly an appointed post, and one is more open to interpretation--but it also clearly shows that Jo's imparted his "philosophy" to Ichi in some ways.

I think, to a degree, it's one of those holdovers from RGGO that wasn't fully implemented. Because they're more or less the same in RGGO in this regard, but RGGJo does outright say it makes him weirdly happy that Ichi still calls him Captain, so that's a clearer indicator and makes the idea feel more "complete."

With what I said before about their "learned language," too, the Arakawa Family has this way of saying goodbye that's specific to them, and I really miss it in Y7. It is referenced briefly, but it's not a "thing" like it was in RGGO. It's kinda like how The Gang in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia greet each other with "Hey-ohhh!" LMAO idk but. I Enjoy. But that's also why it stood out to me that LaD8Jo greets Ichi the same way as Y7Jo and RGGJo.

ALSO that is so sick the author of Soliloquy saw your art…… incredible……….. + as an aside since I was reminded, it's very true that sometimes people seem to "fill in the blanks" with tropes, and my favorite is honestly when it's both funny and offensive. There was this whole "phase" (and to everyone's credit it was short-lived) of playing Mine up like this Huge Misogynist because he's not attracted to women, and it's WILD to recognize that he's gay but still pull up homophobic tropes for funsies.

Like I was mad at the time mostly on account of the mischaracterization (because come on, even if you've only seen Y3, he is still uncharacteristically soft with Katase… not that he wasn't INSANE for The Slap, but it also wasn't at all rooted in the same things as say, Nishiki slapping Reina might've been.) But it was funny. Perhaps not in the way it was intended to be, but it was funny. And, you know, that's why I'm happy to stay in my own little corner as well.

You coulda just said bread it's ok 😭 I WAS right though it WAS a carb......

On the subject of language though, it's def something I picked up on (if my last ask wasn't any indication lmao)! It's a real neat detail and something I think helps push that 'family' theme Y7 has going on (or at the very least demonstrates how despite the times changing, they still have those bonds with each other whether they acknowledge it or not), it definitely being a case of picking up a habit/term from family.

About tropes in fan works though, I can't act like I'm guiltless of it LMAO so I don't have too strong of a leg to stand on when it comes to criticizing it (and I can't lie, sometimes I do find playing into the trope funny if it's at least based on something from the text and it's just exaggerated For The Bit yeah). However I do think the strangest thing was linking misogyny and Mine (I made a post rambling about it but deleted it like. .3 seconds later) because nothing he does in either Y3 nor RGGO is explicitly misogynistic? In the slightest? And as we talked about before he's considerably pretty respectful towards women? Again, he surely did slap a little girl, but it wasn't because she was a girl you know (still cringe to do but if we're gonna talk about it let's do it right please and thank you). As you say though, pushing that trope onto Mine just feels like perpetuating the harmful stereotype that gay men hate women, and in cases like that then I can't really take the piss out of it without having a weird taste in my mouth.

[citrine-elephant]

getting denied multiple jobs really fuckin sucks, especially when it's in fields that are considered "easy" and "unskilled/lowskilled" whatever