#ive wanted to be a writer since I learned how to read not because I liked to write but because my soul gets a little lighter when I do it
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When I was deep in a feverish haze all I could think about was Wei Wuxian's first illness post golden core transfer because cultivators never get sick so when wwx does for the first time he's absolutely awful at it.
Like he's walking around lotus pier trying to pretend he's fine but he's stumbling into walls and almost walks off the deck into the lake at some point. And of course everyone just thinks he's drunk or something cause cultivators don't get sick and wwx goes with it and laughs it all off, pretending he's hungover and absolutely fine, until he ends up shivering in bed until shijie brings him soup with a concerned look in her eyes he refuses to acknowledge.
When he gets better he cracks jokes and pretends it was nothing and hides his lingering cough in his sleeve.
With the Wens it's only a little bit better bc they do know about his core and Wen Qing is a doctor and can help him, but you see wwx can't lie down and rest how can he when there's so much he has to do?
He works as hard as he can, making sure to lift everything for granny even though his body aches and using all his energy to keep A-Yuan happy and distracted, in between moments of clearing resentment, all until he passes out in the middle of an empty path with no one around to see him fall.
Eventually Wen Ning finds him and carries him back wei wuxian wakes up to Wen Qing forcing some awful broth made of scraps of meat and yelling at him to go to sleep and rest. But of course the moment they're all asleep for the night he goes back to work. He can't rest there's no time, even as his head pounds and his body screams and the sickness eats away at his insides as the resentment does the same. There's no time for rest.
Post canon the first time Wei Wuxian gets sick he falls into a old habits and doesn't tell anyone, just continues puttering about and acting fine, distracting the juniors during their lessons and hanging off Lan Zhan's shoulders to tease him while he works.
But of course Lan Wangji notices the way his husband sways more than just with his usual dramatic swagger, and how he keeps shoving his favorite foods away saying he's not hungry as he rubs at his throat.
The final straw is when Wei Wuxian says he's too tired for their everyday but then plays it off as a joke at the look of concern Lan Zhan gives himso they do it anyways. And even tho Lan Zhan is tender and slow tonight Wei Wuxian still passes out from shear exhaustion before either have even finished
Lan Wangji has a moment of panic, thinking he broke his husband but then connects the dots...
When wwx wakes up he's smothered by their warmest blankets and wearing lwj's softest underrobe (because when A-Yuan was sick he liked to wear the robe too for the comforting smell and warmth). He looks around groggy and half asleep calling for his Lan Zhan, feeling bereft and confused.
He's about to get up and find him himself, even though the thought of getting up makes him feel dizzy when lwj comes back and glides to wwx's side with a bowl of congee that has just a hint of red in it. Wei Wuxian teases him about "there must be a rule about breakfast in bed Lan Zhan" and tries to get to his feet, but Lan Wangji pushes him down gently murmuring, "Rest, Wei Ying."
And suddenly its like the Jingshi has melted away replaced with the jagged stone walls of a familiar cave because Wei Wuxian you see he can't rest, there's things to do and people need him and he has to be strong he can't just rest he isn't allowed and what about the Wens he needs to get up he cant just lie here he needs to save them and he cant breathe and his head is going in awful circles and it feels like something is clawing its way out of him and he has to go do something and fix something, until Lan Wangji pulls him onto his lap and starts humming their song as he rubs soothing circles along wwx's back. And even though wwx's breaths are still coming out in terrified waves as his eyes dart around for some unseen threat, despite it all he starts to relax little by little to the sound of his Lan Zhan’s familiar baritone.
When he finally calms down enough he realizes he's been crying, blubbering like a baby leaving disgusting snot stains in the illustrious Hanguang-jun's robes and he tries to wipe them them away before Lan Zhan sees but lwj just holds his face between two hands with the most softesr care, his expression open and honest in a way it only ever is for Wei Ying, and he just keeps humming nonsense and nursery rhymes as he kisses wwx's tear tracks away. And tho wwx still can't stop crying lwj doesn't say anything, doesn't chide or lecture or tell him anything, just holds wwx and lets the smell of sandalwood wrap a comforting and warm embrace around wwx.
Eventually wwx does drift off and he comes to still huddled against lwj's chest, a lovely spot of drool right over his husband's brand and heart, as he reads a book about dual cultivation. It's past midday now and wwx asks about Lan Zhan's duties, fiddling with the edge of his forehead ribbon.
But Lan Wangji simply says, "Wei Ying is most important" and kisses his forehead and goes back to his book.
And Wei Wuxian burrows back into his husbands chest as if he tried hard enough he could carve a hole and bury himself besides Lan Zhan's heart forever, and pretends the flush he feels is from the fever.
They spend the next 2 days like that, with lwj guiding wwx back down to rest whenever the anxiety tries to make him feel bad and then comforting him through it all, kindly never pointing out the way every so often tears start to fall silently down wwx's face when he gets to thinking too much and even more kindly not pointing out the awful inelegant sound of wwx's honking wet coughs.
At some point Sizhui even visits, bringing an attempt at lotus rib soup using what Wen Ning remembers. It's not quite the same but it's more than enough and finally Wei Wuxian feels his shivers subside completely.
When Wei Wuxian wakes up on the 3rd day, well rested in a way he's never felt after being ill, he immediately jumps his husband and smothers his face in exuberant kisses that make Lan Wangji smile his special Wei Ying smile.
And although no one says anything Wei Wuxian knows deep within his gifted bones that from now on whenever he falls ill, there will always be someone to catch him.
(Orignally a threadfic here)
#do i find it funny that when i shouldve been resting instead i was writing a threadfic about how sick wwx should be resting?#not at all#do as i say not as i do#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#the untamed#Wei Wuxian#wangxian#mdzs fanfiction#bushy writing#i might clean this up and add things to make it into a real fic im not sure yet#also i kinda like the fun of threadfics even though no one reads them because twitter is a broken app thats impossible for new writere to#get any sort of recognition or engagement unless they pay to be verified#its what ive learned and frankly very discouraging as someone who has a lot of ideas and really wants to share them with this fandom#i had way too many when i was sick and shared a bunch on twitter since i wasnt allowing myself to do actual writing#but i kinda like the rawness of threafics#its a fun way to just share a rough unpolished idea#anyways this is my silent plea to any who might be interested check out my twitter where sometimes i write nonsense like this in between#spam retweeting a bunch of pretty fanart
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Just saw a TikTok complaining about fanfics that didn't have "enough dialogue" because "reading more than three sentences" was hard.
I'm not against heavy dialogue-oriented fics; they are fun, but... that's a script. You want to read a fucking script, hope you know that. A writer isn't "bad" because they are... you know, writing. Just say it isn't your thing and move on, but categorize something as "bad" because you lack the ability to fucking read... ain't the author's problem; it seems like a "you" one.
#im training myself into a descriptive writing style and reading that was a slap in the face... it's not that i dont like dialogue but#i need to convey feelings showing them as I want to I can't have that just with dialogue I WISH I was good enough to do that tho#because there's people who can but im not so-#the other day i saw a girl complaining about a book having WORDS what the fuck is WRONG WITH YOU#SHOW ME FEELINGS SHOW ME METAPHORS SHOW ME YOUR SOUL IN WRITTEN WORDS#I JUST THINK people aren't reading as much as they used to... just a thought after seeing people on booktok#like... you have books.... for what exactly? pretty colors? covers? just to say you have them for the aesthetics and go home#???? god ... the art of the written word is beautiful and unique to humans it lets out your soul and your spirit in paper bringing your min#into the physical word and you are just gonna call it BORING what the HELL IS WRONG WITH THAT AAAAAAAAAAAAAA#KAFKA WE REALLY ARE IT NOW#in a world where everything has to be fast and immediate we should look into art as something worth waiting for... idk man my thoughts#maybe im just too dense with my feelings with creation and ain't that deep but to me it is actually...#ive wanted to be a writer since I learned how to read not because I liked to write but because my soul gets a little lighter when I do it
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hey! i just found your blog and just read all your stuff,,,, i’m in LOVE. you’re such a good writer!!!
saw that your requests were open and please ignore if this doesn’t vibe with you, but could i please request astarion (ascended or otherwise it doesn’t matter to me) headcanons (or whatever format that’s easiest for you) with a F!reader whose really insecure about her looks and body and her sexual inexperience? like she puts on a really tough front for the world, but when it comes to physical touch and intimacy she’s really nervous.
i’m so sorry if this is way too specific or weird or whatever literally ignore this. thank you so much and i hope you have a wonderful week my love <3
Hi thank you so much. I love doing these and i love this idea and IVE GOT YOU. I hope you enjoy ❤️🔥 disclaimer this is kinda just my stream of consciousness and what happened happened lol
Pairing: Astarion x F!Reader
warning: 18+! Explicit.
When you first met Astarion, his devastating beauty and intense flirtations intimidated you.
He was so gorgeous, and you thought yourself incredibly average, certainly not good looking enough to reasonably catch the eye of someone as beautiful as Astarion.
Not to mention—Astarion was so experienced, and you were just the opposite. You had very few sexual experiences, maybe even none at all. It only added to your insecurities about your looks and body.
You hid these feelings well, so much so that Astarion seemed non-the-wiser. He thought maybe you were just cold to him; so he worked even harder to warm you up.
Earning your trust and thus your body became a goal of Astarion’s, and he lavished all his attentions on you.
It irritated you, only because you couldn’t tell if he was being genuine with you. It hurt to think that he was just playing with you.
When Astarion finally sleeps with you, it was something you had both been waiting on, both been yearning for. Because of your cool demeanor and general reserved disposition, it takes you a while to finally trust Astarion. Of course, you had desperately wanted him since you first met him, but you had self control.
Astarion is slow to explore your body, which only adds to your vulnerability. He focuses on your breasts, your hips, all the little erogenous zones you didn’t even realize you had: your ear, the crook of your neck, the back of your knees, the space just above your tail bone on your lower back, even your toes, which he would massage one by one, despite how much it tickled you.
He focuses on making you feel exceptionally good the first night you’re with him, almost like he has something to prove. He’s never had to work this hard to fuck someone before. Poor Astarion! Don’t worry, he will get you back by using your body to pleasure himself. After the first night, you’ll surely be his forever, anyways.
After he’s done exploring the outside of your body, he focuses inward, using his fingers and tongue to explore your entrances. Astarion wants to know all of you. He is definitely the type to want to use all of your available holes if you’re ready and willing lol.
He will want to know the parts of you that have been unexplored by other lovers. This may even be a big deal to him.
But you’re shy, and you try to close your knees, try to cover your breasts or your belly, hiding yourself from him. But Astarion is so genuine in his attraction to you, and his hard cock will speak for itself most of the time.
Whatever imperfection you may have, I imagine Astarion to worship it, and he might even help you learn to love this part of you.
If you’ve told him about your insecurity, he’s very careful to help you overcome it and feel adored.
If you keep your insecurity from him, which I would imagine an aloof and bull-headed Tav to do, he quickly finds out from your first time together. As soon as he pressed his lips to yours, he can sense your hesitation, your walls going up as his hands find your waist.
You quiver beneath him, maybe you even pull away; but Astarion only brings you closer, chiding you for shying away from him.
“You are so beautiful, love, why would you ever shy away from me?”
Whether your a virgin or simply inexperienced, Astarion is very careful with your body: he cares for you, he wants you, and he will use his experienced digits and tongue in you, likely making you come even quicker than he had intended.
He’s endeared by it, humored by it, not laughing at you, per se, but with you. Your innocence cute to him. It just made him want to ravish you further, to see how else your sensitive body responds to him.
I think all versions of Astarion would be into corrupting you and teaching you how to please him, and even yourself.
Since the two of you have come to know each other fully in both body and soul, Astarion would love teaching you how to make yourself feel good. I love the idea of Astarion teaching his darling in the ways of pleasure.
Imagine, years after being with Astarion, the two of you are so happy and known. You would have forgotten what you were so worried about in the first place, because your vampire reminds you just how beautiful and fair you are each and every day.
#astarion smut#astarion#astarion x tav#astarion x you#astarion x reader#astarion x female tav#astarion x f!reader#astarion x f!tav#faerievampling rambles#faerievampling asks answered
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Sex, Drugs, Etc.
Warnings: Talk of drugs/Drug use. Possible smut in the future. SH. A lot of plot. EXTREME Canon divergence. Before Maddies time. Set in 2021
I got a lot of inspiration and motivation from @whoopsyeahokay series called October Sun if you haven't read it yet I recommend you do its amazing, you can find it on tumblr and Ao3. October Sun
(This is very self indulgent and based on things ive been through and how I could have very easily ended up as a ghost. This is NOT meant to romanticize addiction or mental illness. This is a judgment free zone so I want no bullying or hate on anyone. I'm not the best writer so be nice)
1.9k Words
Enjoy :)
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Two days, two fucking days you’ve been rotting and no ones come to find you. Well no one alive at least.
It started off normal, nothing out of the ordinary. Just another boring school day with the same washed out boring people. Tired eyes and even more tired souls. So what changed? A little slip up on the same thing that had almost claimed your life many times over the years except this time no one was there to save you.
You were 14 when you first learned the only way for your brain to stop spinning, trying to find a new way to obtain peace was with a very simple little thing. Weed, this wasn't what was deadly, no it was what started the cycle. First it was weed, then it was alcohol, then it was late night parties, until one day it fell into the palm of your hand. A simple little pill, how could it cause so much damage? Things were fine until one pill turned into two then two turned into three and then you ended up on the patio of a stranger's porch foaming out the mouth. 4 days in the hospital and 2 weeks in rehab was enough to scare you for a while, but not enough to make you forget about the relief that came with it.
That's how you ended up here, sitting in a circle sharing stories about life and death, a group of highschool boys who had no idea you were even there, playing basketball behind you. Should have just gone to group like you were told to, at least then you would have been with people who understood addiction. Now judgmental eyes fall upon you because you caused your own death. As much as you wanted to find someone, something to blame you knew you couldn't, this was your fault. The spinning hasn't stopped. At least ghosts couldn't go through withdrawal, doesn’t change the fact that the empty feeling you tried so desperately to fill is more presint than ever.
The sweet voice of Mr.Martin fills the room. Like white nose until you heard him call your name. Head shooting up to look up at him. “Have you started working on your obituary?” Ah yes, ghost homework. you would have never thought that you would have been asked to write your own obituary yet here we are. Not as easy as it sounds.
“I’ve got some ideas” Like when you got so drunk you threw up on your friends cat, or when you were so high that your brother convinced you the plane flying over your house was a UFO, fun memories. Apparently you were supposed to write about the good parts of your life but that's kinda hard when the only good memories you had were caused by what put you in this situation to begin with.
“Take your time, if you need to im sure some of the others wouldn't mind telling you about what they wrote, for motivation.” You give a simple nod, wanting all the prying eyes around you to look away. And they do, except a certain pair that had been watching you since you got here.
Wally Clark, a sweet boy, bright future, died to soon like everyone else in this fucked up version of your own personal hell. He asked too many questions, it wasn't a secret how you died, just something you didn't want to talk about. He respected that, like most of the others, most. Doesn't stop him from prying, staring with curious eyes.
“I think that's all for today, don't forget tomorrow's movie night as always our newest member will be picking the movie.” You give an awkward smile before standing up and turning to leave along with the rest of the group. Heavy footsteps creeping up behind you and the sound of your name being called stops you as the tall boy catches up.
“So um do you need help with your obituary? not to brag but I think I did a pretty good job on mine.” Wally was quite attractive, tall, with big brown eyes, and slick back brown fluffy hair. No doubt having made girls fawn over him during his lifetime. You and him weren't exactly friends but the idea of having a little help writing… well, a self obituary wasn't bad.
“Sure, we could go to the library.” An excited grin grew on Wallys face, not expecting you to say yes.
“Yeah, yeah the library sounds great” It was kinda cute how he acted sometimes. Not like a typical jock, a pure golden retriever.
“Cool” You stand there kinda awkwardly, hands in the pockets of your red zip up hoodie as you gave him an expecting look.
“Oh like now?” He was somehow the most confident yet most awkward person in the world. “Um okay yeah that works”
You tilt your head sideways towards the door leading out the gym, indicating for him to follow you out. Taking the lead and making your way out, opening the door for him. “Ladies first” He let out a small chuckle at your attempt at a joke, considering it was the first time you really talked to anyone since everything happened. It wasn't that you didn't like people, you just didn’t understand the point of friends. It might sound depressing but having a small group of people that you know will stick around is better than hanging around people that barely know you. Yet here you are, stuck with strangers for eternity or until you finally move on, however long that’ll take.
The hallway was filled with loud teens, some rushing to their next class others going out the back door, more than likely skipping. “So how does this work?” You look over at him.
“What? The afterlife?” He looks at you, a little nervous. “I don’t think im the best person to explain it to you, that's more of Charley's thing.” Charley was sweet, the first person you met when you woke up. Some sort of after life guide.
“No, a self obituary.” The words felt weird coming out your mouth. “I know I'm supposed to write about all the great things in life but I don't think huffing nitrous in my uncles bathroom on thanksgiving really counts as a good memory.”
“Nitrous? like the shit in whipped cream?” He gave you a sideways look, a concerned but humored smile on his face.
“Yes, the shit in whipped cream, I don't recommend. I passed out and almost had a seizure.” As we reach the library he opens the door, allowing you to go in first.
“Okay, maybe don’t include that in your obituary, how about” He thought for a second. “Write about your friends and family, I'm sure you have some good memories with them.”
You let out a frustrated sigh as you sat down at a table, Wally sitting down across from you as you take off your backpack, pulling a pencil and the folder Mr.Martin had given you. “That's too much work, do you think Mr.Martin would notice if I just copied yours?” Wally laughs a little, his straight white teeth showing.
“No, he’ll totally believe that you played football and lost your virginity in your moms car.” Now you’re the one laughing, his sentence coming out way too casually.
“You lost your virginity in your moms car?” You take a few seconds to process before you look at him judgmentally. “You included how you lost your virginity?” Though the smiles’ still apparent on your face.
“Happy memories, remember?” And there's the jock attitude you were waiting for, somehow a bit surprising but not unexpected. “You could just write your feelings.” You have a whole journal for that from when you got sober… soberish.
“This may come as a shock to you but I'm not exactly a feelings person.” Not totally true, it was just easier to not feel anything at all, especially with the situation you're in right now.
“Really? I couldn't tell” The sarcastic tone in his voice very apparent. “Alright fine, if you were happiest when you were high then it's worth writing.”
“Great, so high stories, got it” Though it wasn't the best idea, you had to write something so Mr.Martin would get off your ass about it. Reminiscing was a slippery slope, you were holding up decently so far but contrary to what all the others think it hurt deep down. “How about the first time I tried molly?” Probably one of the best ‘happy pills’ you tried in your lifetime.
“What was it like?” He clearly had no intentions of finding out first hand, just curious of the experience.
“It made me really aware but like in a good way.” There was no real way to describe it without going into depth. “And kinda trippy I guess, does that make sense?”
“Yeah, I guess.” He knew he could never truly understand, no one could unless they experienced it themselves. As you begin to jot down the memory Wally peaks over, looking at the page though it's not very useful due to the fact that he doesn't possess the skill to read upside down.
“Nosey” You laugh a little at his attempt to get to know you better. “You know if you want to get to know me, maybe there are better ways to do it then helping me write my own obituary” Yep, still didn't sound right.
“Oh um yeah, this is probably a really weird first hang out.” He laughs awkwardly at the realization that this is still new to you. It wasn't like he had never been around a new ghost before, he knew he was supposed to be slow, supportive, ease them into it but with the way you acted sometimes made him think you were more used to this than he was. In a way you were, death was something that you had imagined so many times so when it actually came the idea of being trapped wasn't one you hadn't thought of before. “How about after we're done with this I could take you down to the pool?”
You smile, the sentiment was sweet. “Thanks, but I don't know how to swim.” You were never taught and it didn't seem important in life so you just never learned. The surprised look on Wallys face was priceless.
“How the hell are you 18 and don’t know how to swim?” It wasn't judgmental, just a little surprised, but the grin on his face indicated that he had an idea.
“Oh god, what are you thinking about?” You knew what was coming, he wouldn't be him if he didn’t jump at the opportunity to help a new friend. Wally was very readable and you didn’t know if that was a good thing yet.
“I could teach you.” And there it was, of course he wanted to teach you. “It could be fun, plus you don't have much else to do.”
“You know what fuck it, you’re right there isnt shit else to do.” Especially with your body still laying cold in the old abandoned locker rooms aka ‘the brain cave’.
“Great, you should keep writing, the faster you get it over with the less weird it feels.” And that's how it started, you were never the friend type but as much as you hated to say it you needed someone. Sure that someone is very attractive and the idea of seeing him in nothing but swim trunks was a nice image but who could blame you? The afterlife is lonely.
Pt.2
#school spirits#wally clark#wally clark x reader#wally clark fanfiction#wally clark x gender neutral reader#fanfiction#first fanfic#school spirits x reader#milo manheim#milo mannheim#zed necrodopolis#nico alexander#Ben plunkett#x reader#x female reader#reader insert#Sex Drugs Etc#fem reader#ghost#fanfics#first fic#x reader insert#x reader fanfiction#ao3#ao3 fanfic#ao3feed#ao3 writer#young writer#first story#ghost lover
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Hello everyone, I just want to confess something... I just felt like I did the most worst crime ever. (I'm sorry if how I'm writing this whole thing looks immature? and also on how I've been using wrong words to use. 😭) And it is something I want to start avoiding from now on.
As you can see, I am a minor. Yes a minor, probably way younger than you think... 😭 (but not too young though. I just don't want to tell my actual age.) (And also please continue reading before you do anything)
Ever since pandemic, its where people have been quarantined inside their homes for like, 2-3 years, right? And because of that most people do then was just be on their phones all the time.
I also did that–and now I've been exposed and influenced to a lot of things especially on social media. (I had unrestricted internet access ever since I was a kid)
I currently think about it a lot of times now, and it's actually so bad about how I got exposed by a bunch of things...even though I was so young. (like dirty jokes, etc.) And I think I have grown up way too fast... You can see it in how I typed in my other posts, and it's now how I naturally type. 😭
(Okay, I don't know how to explain this part well... Generally, I'm very bad at explaining. But I hope you guys somehow understand 😭. ) (Please ask me questions if there are things you don't quite understand, I don't really elaborate well when it comes to these stuff)
That was also the time i grew an obsession over anime. And I also had crushes on anime characters to the point I figured out people wrote fics about them. Like, "[character name] x reader" and then boom I figured about smut.. Pls 😭 I really didn't care about the "mdni" warning back then. (I don't know if I'm using this term right, but it's something like I got hypersexual? I'm sorry, but I think it's just something similar to that.)
And now I've become a writer as my hobby, I downloaded tumblr almost a year ago so that I could post my works and also read others fics.
And ever since yesterday i had realized something 😭. And I am so sorry about my behavior on this. Even though I'm not in the right age yet, I still readed smut. And smut is like.. Considered porn right? And most of the authors I follow, or people ive talked to in tumblr are like around 19+. Others are even in college and have their own jobs too. And one of my favorite authors is like 12 years older than me. And some authors I follow also write smut. I also ignored mdni parts in their works. 😭
So this is basically what happened (because I am very bad at explaining so I just put it like in a story way):
I am a minor who reads smut, which are only intended for adults. I knew it wasn't appropriate for me but I just brushed it off.
And then one day when I realized I was talking to older people, something clicked in my mind 😭. They are ADULTS. They are in the appropriate age to read smut. (I mean, of course, but I just brushed it off back then.) Then they had "mdni" in their bio. So, that realization made me uncomfy 😭. It's like I made a really huge crime. And I've also become an author on this app, I can't just go on without telling the truth. From now on I'll try to avoid reading smut. Guys it's basically like you're an toddler who suddenly gained consciousness
Again, I am very very sorry for just brushing off the mdni back then 😭. But I'll still continue to read the sfw ones only.
To the other authors there who write sfw and nsfw, please I promise you that I will only read the safe ones now and not the nsfw anymore. 😔
But it is definitely okay if you want to block me. Thank you for reading this whole explanation! I've learn my lesson now 😭
I just readed this whole thing again and I realized how messy it looked... But either way I can't change it because its the most best way I explained this 😔
#☏ important ‼️ – gisellecnz#im gonna put every tag i want so ppl can see this#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#gojo x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#gojo fluff#gojou satoru x reader#jjk fluff#satoru x reader#gojo satoru#smau#geto suguru#jjk geto#geto x reader#jujutsu geto#jjk suguru#jjk leaks
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Thank you for walking study in demonology! Reading it brought me all the way back to the 2019 bnha era. Even tho im a chronic fandom hopper, every once in a while i got pulled back to the bnha fandom like a clinging abused ex gf, cause i feel like no other fandom has given me the same feels as bnha on ao3. It's probably partly because of bnha being a perfect sandbox for ficwriters, but damn you bnha writers are really sth else.
Your work is such an exquisite, heartfelt love letter to the fanfiction medium in general, and the bnha fandom in particular. I hope your pillow is always cool and your socks always come out of the washing machine in pairs.
What's your favourite part about the fic?
hi thanks so much for this ask! super appreciate the kind words :) i agree wholeheartedly i wldnt have started writing my bnha fics if not for the amazing fics ive read from this fandom.
short answer: my favorite part is the process.
super long answer:
(spoilers below fair warning)
demonology has been a learning process for me and also a very strange experience.
ive always been more of an improv writer where i dont really know where a story is going when i write it. with demonology being the way it is, you can surmise that its been a really crazy ride.
ive mentioned this before but it started as an idea of deku being just your typical satanic style exorcist, and as it is a crack fic, i did write it — at the beginning — purposefully to be nonsensical. all the made up “significant” stuff like affinity, authority, even the importance of names and all that — i didnt know what they mean and i didnt care either, i was just making them say whatever that sounded ominous and ridiculous. (often this is for the sake of comedic timing. it is crack after all.)
some comments say the fic didnt make sense, and i agree bc it didnt to me either. but then it DID start to make sense to me. whenever i started to write a new chapter id read back to whatever bullshit i did the previous chap and only then i understood what the hell the characters r talking about. if you look back to the earlier chapters there’d be a lot of foreshadowings, but they werent written to be foreshadowings at the time. its kind of foreshadowing in reverse, bc i only knew what they meant after i wrote them. i didnt know i was writing a meta multiverse time travel fic, but since i did, i had to commit and go crazy.
(in retrospect i think it rly did begin with hitoshi and that cat in ch 3. i didnt even know hitoshi was the “main character” until that chapter. i didnt know that cat was schrodingers cat until i wrote ch 8.)
so u can see how crazy, nonsensical and haphazard the entire writing process of this fic is, which in return gives birth to a crazy, nonsensical and haphazard fic. until its not nonsensical anymore. somehow, there actually is a clear logic in the mechanics of the universe. the cats are schrodinger cats, the demons are maxwell demons, entropies are plotlines which are often riddled with plotholes, the hell is production hell, to be in heaven is to be canonized — and lorem ipsum is the empty blank slate state of the universe. authority actually is authority. the fic gave meaning to itself by the end of it all.
comments ask if i waited for bnha to end — i didnt. bnha ending actually fucked a past version of ch 8, now scrapped. but then it actually … made a better version? and made more sense? its weird.
i did know about some things that were going to happen though. since the first time i had izuku do the “you believe [object] exist,” i always knew i wanted it to be turned back to him (“midoriya izuku doesnt exist”). after i wrote ch 6 i also knew i wanted them to “go back to the beginning” with izuku’s “fall” on the rooftop. but i didnt know until i wrote it that hitoshi was going to choose to fall, too. i know im the author but him choosing that shocked me and i found it moving.
if i had written this “properly”, if i had planned it all with better structuring and better pacing and emotional beats and all that — this might have turned out to be a better written story, in another world. as it is right now there are a lot of flaws that it has. but it wldnt have been the same fic. if not for this fuckass writing process, it wld never have reached the form it takes as of now.
and although it was a very difficult road, i can say wholeheartedly that this strange process has been my favorite part. im doubtful ill ever experience a writing process like this again. the story kept surprising me. a part of why i wanted to finish it was because i wanted to know how it ended too—bc i wldnt know until i wrote it.
of course, at the end of it all, none of us know what their ending is. in the end the story still didnt share its secrets with me and i really really love it for it.
haha this is so long sorry i guess this fic really means a lot to me after all. but yes, thats my answer.
i would also like to thank every reader and commenter once again bc i can honestly say without the feedback and support, this would not have been finished either, or become the way that it is. man. fanfictions, huh?
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Ive seen a lot of people confuse me leaving for “people being mean to writers” or getting hate for the things i write of how i write them but its not
But Im not leaving just bc of the audience, i can handle some hate and honestly it was kinda fun from them bc ik that hate comes from jealousy and trolling
Im leaving because of other writers and my “friends”
Ik i said i would get into it and i really dont want to all that much bcuz im tired and just wanna be done with this but it feels wrong to leave under a false assumption and let people think their actions dont have consequences
Ive dealt with a lot from my peers on here, back talking, hating, straight up bullying, and i just cant anymore
I cant deal with drama irl AND on the internet, bcuz at the end of the day i can just delete everything on here and be done with it all so thats wat im gonna do
Tbh this has been building up for a while, i can only handle so much from “friends” and irl i cut people off pretty quick and on here should be no exception but ive fucked up and let people do watever too long and its bitten me in the ass
Yes ik im dramatic lol, ive gotten that a lot and a lot of people hate me for, a lot of people love me for it, its how i am and it keeps things interesting. I get it, i like to make a lot of call out posts. Y? Bc people deserve to be called out and idgaf ab appearances on here. If someone did something bad, im gonna call them out bc last i checked its my blog and i can do wat i want. If u wouldnt do it, thats fine, its ur decision, and this is mine
Yes, i dont post a lot, I. Am. Busy. I have work. I have school. I have a social life. I cant write smut all the time even tho i want to, and at the end of the day, its not my job to write smut all day so people can read it and move on. I like to interact with yall, its fun, i like to talk to a lot of different people on her since my irl friends arent really into anime. Apparently people think im a loser for that? Ok? Sorry i like to talk to people on the internet when im bored instead of producing smut all day for people to read, ig i shouldve remembered im only on here to provide content since i dont deserve to have some fun, my mistake
Requests? Requests r a generosity. So many of my requesters have been absolute angels with being patient in receiving their requests, happy to just see me writing or interacting at all. Others have hounded me regularly telling me im lazy and selfish for not completing my requests, saying im an asshole for not completing them over my own projects bc “they asked first”. LMAO, U WRITE IT THEN???? i dont owe anything to anyone, certainly not someone who comes here solely to read my fics, not even leaving any interaction or encouragement whatsoever, then leave.
The icing on the cake? The tip of the iceburg? Discord of all places. Im sorry some of u didnt enjoy my server, i really am. Ive never used discord before and me and the mods did the best we could and im sorry i couldnt be as attentive to it due to my busy schedule
Im sorry i couldnt get there in time to stop conflicts or just straight up call people out, and im sorry someone had to make another server since they didnt like how i was handling mine bc i didnt take their side in a fight that THEY WERE WRONG IN? But i tried to be nice, tried to defend her and nicely explain y she was she cant say anything they want in any situation bc people get hurt. but it didnt matter. Y? Bc apparently i cant tell people what they can and cant say…
And that made me realize something! Theyre right! Theyre absolutely right and im so stupid for not seeing it until now! I cant stop people from saying things to me. I cant stop people from talking shit ab me. I cant stop people from even saying things on my own blog and server! I just cant. Bcuz in the end, people r gonna say what they want and do what they want bc people dont wanna learn. They dont wanna talk. They dont wanna hear ab how what they do or say affects others. They just wanna do what the want when the want, and they wanna be allowed to, bc fuck everybody else. Everybody is the victim in their own story, and i deserve to be the victim in mine.
And what would a victim do in this situation?
Leave.
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Helloo! I love ur fics sm u genuinely make my day better whenever u post. Ur such a talented writer and I can see how much work u put into ur writings and I admire u a lot. Ty for giving us some amazing art to read *chefs kiss* BUT ANYWAY enough of the sappy stuff lol I had a question abt König from ur series ‘Trapper Keeper’ and was wondering abt his past relationships or lack there of. Has he ever been intimate with another woman besides reader or were any of the women he has been with (if he has) were intimated by his size (also how big is he) and didn’t want to have sex?
Hi! Ahh thank you for saying so ☺️ you’re very sweet!
mildly NSFW and spoilers below for people who haven’t read yet ~
I’m not diving super deep into his social/sexual history in this story, but I HC König in his late thirties or early 40s. personally, I like him on the older end of that range, but I leave it vague so you can imagine what you like :3. probably some relationships here or there. he makes a comment about not meeting the right person when Hase asks if he has a spouse, so the assumption is he has never married.
It’s definitely possible his height and dick have intimidated partners in the past though 😭 and while he has learned to play nice through the years, his personality can come across as way too intense, so there’s that too
ive been trying to show that he’s definitely not some shy virgin, but it has been a while since he’s been with someone. Hase would assume that he’s probly only jerked off for the ~ two years he’s been at the cabin :( abusing his poor cock with his rough and calloused grip
He seems to know what he’s doing sexually but was rusty and anxious around her in the beginning [his hands shook the first time he undressed her when she was sick, when he touched her in the bath he was too rough/fast on her clit until she guided him] But now that he’s comfortable with her, he doesn’t want to take his hands off her. :3
He is not a sex god or something in this fic but is aware that he is bigger than average and doesn't want to break his toy before he's even gotten to play with it properly, y'know? That wouldn’t be fun for anyone. And the chase is half the fun, anyway….
But he is very eager and interested in making Hase pliant feel good! She is conflicted but internally admits to sort of liking it when he’s a little rough and scary, which :) suits König just fine :) because :) he does seem :) to have a teensy bit of sadistic streak in him…. :)
But really...it’s not his fault that Hase is so adorable when her big doe eyes are wide and full of tears, and she’s just looking up at him, willing and waiting for guidance 🥺 poor little thing...lost and confused. good thing König knows what she really needs 🐇💕
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Not anyone can be a writer. I’d be one to contribute to the hornyness of the ranfren fandom but don’t have good storytelling. I assume people that write also read to get inspiration and learn what writing styles they like. Do you have any favorite books or authors? Any books you’re currently reading? Or do you mainly read other fan writers’ works? :0
(you’d think i’m a published author with this knowledge . could say more but i’m proctoring today help)
i love english, ive been writing and reading practically everyday for over a decade. definitely my best subject. that said, i haven’t read an “actual” book that wasn’t required of me to read in long time. so favorite published authors don’t really matter to me, i never have time to read them fully anyways
and this may sound autism of me (which it is), but i enjoy fanfics more HAHA so as someone who has been writing them since forever to people who might struggle a bit, don’t take it too seriously
there are plenty of resources online of writer’s dictionaries or smut dictionaries that help with word choice. as well as formatting help and story starters. even people (LIKE ME) who love to do beta reading and editing ;-)
not to mention just reading fics in general. you pick up on words / phrases you like, dialogue that sticks out to you, and how to make the story flow and continue
if you struggle with storytelling, i recommend you make a rough draft of exactly what you want to happen, then sort of figure out actions and dialogue, then work to make it connect
everyone writes differently, and i’m happy to say that i’ve kind of found a style that i enjoy and others (seemingly) do. if anyone wants direct help, im always welcomed to beta read and edit for ranfren fics because i desperately want more. please. im starving. message me. and if ur reading this and are debating on whether or not you should just post it — do it. i write because i like it and im horny for ranfren and i don’t get paid for this so it’s either people like it or they don’t. who gives a fart !
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fanfic writer interview
thank you @tiesanjiaoshenanigans
How many works do you have on AO3? 52
What's your total AO3 word count? 571, 768
Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:
Tangerine, Macaron (seongjoong)
the dirt that you're made of (yanqing)
恋の予感 (the longest path to us) (seongjoong)
If I Can Leave One Memory (sansang)
the stars are here (seongjoong)
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? yes!! i usually go through my comments right before i upload a new fic or chapter, just because that's easiest
What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? god um ok. one sec. it's definitely 白镜 - White Mirror. tragic lesbians... most of what i write has a happy or at least ambiguous ending but this one follows canon so it's a tragedy instead
What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending? oh man! tbh it's probably 恋の予感 (the longest path to us) again. although nearly everything i write ends happy
Do you write crossovers? not rlly... they just don't appeal to me that much so I've never written them. i dont read them either
Have you ever received hate on a fic? nope! considering how long ive been writing it honestly kind of surprises me--its not even like i write particularly safe stuff either. i figure that maybe its because so much of my work is so personal that a people tend to maintain good etiquette and dont talk shit directly to me
Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yes. the cinematic kind lol. last time i wrote something explicit was fine, but i much prefer writing smut in a more literary style? not sure if that makes sense. the writing equivalent of close shots and fancy camera angles and lens flare, although that doesnt mean that i cant be crass when i want
Have you ever had a fic stolen? i dont think so, but its not like i check
Have you ever had a fic translated? nop! someday i want to get good enough to translate my own hsr work into chinese just bc so much of what i write is influenced by reading and learning about chinese culture and linguistic quirks, but that wont be any time soon
Have you ever co-written a fic before? yes!! several actually. lonely 'til you hold me was a collab with a pinch hitter for the event it was for. then i also wrote on my old account Accursed Spawn with @shineoftherainbow which to this day i am obsessed with
What's your all-time favorite ship? oh man... i am fickle and my tastes change by the week, but i think i will always have a soft spot for einsla, even if i dont write them much
What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will? never say never but probably the seongjoong royalty au. i had it planned and everything but then people started discoursing around eden and the planned ending i wrote was potentially too topical, so i waited and then i lost steam.
What are your writing strengths? flow i think? ive always been pretty good at keeping things moving at a good pace. i edit myself a lot (and practice editing on some actual published books too!) so its become second nature to chop and change and move things around.
What are your writing weaknesses? actually writing. just kidding. probably that when i get stuck on something i tend to focus only on the fact that im stuck and cannot continue until i have unstuck myself
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? depends on what is meant my this! if it's about honorifics in dialogue (eg, hyung, -chan, dajie etc) i support it, since a lot don't translate well to english. Same with terms of endearment like -ito and -ie. if it's whole dialogue, it really depends. am i supposed to be able to understand the dialogue? is it something that could've been written just as well with 'he says, in [language]', does the author understand what they're writing, is it a text based or verbal conversation? does the pov character understand what's being said? (personally the best way to have dialogue in other languages is if the pov character isn't supposed to understand it. but always be aware that a native speaker of that language may still read the fic)
What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to? kiamei! i love my lesbian mothers.
What's your favorite fic you've written?
白镜 - White Mirror. lets go lesbians! i really enjoyed writing in this style
tagging: @shineoftherainbow @himbodevotee @nicenightmare13 @morifiinwe @marichild @linhuine
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I was wondering how you stay consistent with all the fics you be posting. Gurl give us the tea. You dropped like four back to back.
Lmfaooo, yall making me feel like im a fic addict 😭🤣🤣
See, what you do is meditate for 2 hours straight, praying on your muse to beam ideas and writing straight to your skull. Grab an acorn, a candle (your favorite scent), red twine, and a bottle of henny. And make a circle...lmfaooo jk jk.
TL;DR: my mind never shuts up 🫠 never turns off, never stops running, and that energy has to go somewhere, okay 😭
I wish I could take all the credit. I am the one writing it. But I have a close group of friends who let me vent out my ideas or give me ideas on how to improve. They listen to my nonsense, love yall so gd much 😗 @planetblaque @westside-rot @babybratzmaraj .
Other times, the ask is just so detailed, so rich, that it sparks some inspo and I get to writing. I am so in love with the creativity yall have on here. Completely blown away by these ideas you request!
It also helps that I went to film school and was taught how to think visually. You don't have to go to school for that, you just have to expand how you currently think about scenes.
Most times, as mentioned, my brain doesn't shut up. Even when I'm sleeping. There's this running commentary in my mind where I'm constantly turning over fics in my head. I think about scenes, I think about dialogue, I think about sex positions. Half the time, I'm scatterbrained irl because I'm too busy fucking in my head 🤣🤣
I write in my head, if that makes sense. I have these loose scenes in my head that I kind of play around with. I attack the scene from multiple angles trying to think of what sounds better.
Soo, when I sit down to write ive already done half the mental battle. I've already thought about the characters, the scenes, the motivations, the positions. It's just a matter of sitting down and writing it and it flows. I re-read my own writing all the time. But *way* after I've written it and moved on.
There's still moments where I have to pause and think about what comes next. Theres still times where I have to picture what tf is happening 🤣 or what's being said. Or what they're feeling at the moment.
Truth is, I just like to write. I've been writing since I was 11. It wasn't until I re-joined Tumblr at age 30 that I fell back in love with writing. I always loved it. But at a low point in my life, I felt hopeless that no one would ever want to read my writing. I thought I should've just quit altogether.
But by writing on here, I discovered that writing is for ME. If im having fun, then i know you will. I wont lie and say its not scary. I post overnight because I dont want the anxiety of seeing comments and reblogs trickle in 🤧 but the one rule I had for posting my writing, was to write for me. Write for the little girl who thought she couldnt. Write for the little weirdo who loves marvel and has anxiety and constantly feel like im being rejected. Thats who i write for. Thank God I didn't quit 😍🥹 I never would've met any of you. I never would've grown as a writer.
Being here with all of you, sharing my writing, seeing your reactions makes my fn day every day 😭 it's because of YOU that I felt confident enough to write a book.
I didn't get here by accident, I just write. And write often. And I read often. I learn from every single person that posts on here. I learn from all the feedback you give me.
My brain ought to do something useful since it doesn't know how to sit the fuck down 😩😩😩
Sorry this was long? Hope this helped? Feel free to ask more? Idkidk. Its still weird talking about myself. Thanks for this ask though 😗😗😗
#megaminds asks#get to know mega#megas process#mega behind the blog#behind the blog#get to know me#how i write#my brain doesnt shut up#right now its turning over so many ideas#how do i keep it all straight?#this why my memory bad#im eating up my core memories for ideas#youre welcome#welcome to the megadome
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Dude you don't know how much i love your joe'marr fics. they're my fav trope rn and you are feedingggg me. idk how you feel about writing public sex but you should definitely write a smutty locker room/ anywhere fic. either way, I love your writing and I can't wait to read your next story🩷
AHHHH. OMG TYSM!! 🤭🤭 I literally love writing about them, idk it’s something about them that makes it so easy to just write a whole freaking book lol.
I’ve always tried writing smutty scenes since before I even posted any of my fic on Ao3 but i always felt like they were to cringy. IDK. but ive learned to become more confident w my writing skills (literally only because ppl like you comment such nice things 🥹) so i always start a smutty scene and never finish it 😭 and it’s not because i dont want to BECAUSE I DO WANT TO! Especially with some of my joemarr fic, i’m just nervous sometimes that I won’t write the sexy times good, like there wont be enough chemistry or something yk?
BUT FOR YOU, i will write pure smut. I promise. it make take me a while to get over my writers block rn BUT I WILL DO IT. BEST BELIEVE ANON!! <33 (and if this sounds like ur forcing me to write it, i swear you’re not, i’ve been meaning to do it and you’ve given me the confidence to follow through!)
ALSO (sorry im rambling) pls feel free to always request anything!! I’m always looking for new prompts or ideas!! <3 (i kinda wanna do a koc/jj fic but ive never written a coach/player dynamic before so it scares me)
ANYWAY, TYSM AGAIN!! <333
#joemarr#ao3#anon ask#jamarr chase#joe burrow#im rambling#sorry#koc/jj#coming soon?#idkkkk#hahahaha#i love yapping#football rpf
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hihi!! i read ur sandy fic literally today and i couldn't get it out of my head im so obsessed😭it hurts SO good i just finished rereading it again, and I was wondering, since Steve refuses to talk about his previous experience at the End, what actually happened there? :0 (sorry if this is smth that's easy to piece together I'm not very bright sometimes T-T) Also, did you have any ideas on stuff that happened in other cycles that you didn't end up including? Hehe, personally my headcanon is that for their first hug in a future reunion, Steve would try to hug Sandy for as long as he can before Sandy learns that it hurts him, so that he can get his proper hug dosage in. Sandy give that lonely man a hug damnit :') He's been waiting for like 3 lifetimes!!
EEEEEEEEE
Ok first, if you are reading this and haven't read Sandy: An Enderman Tale, here is the AO3 link, this is going to be a spoiler-filled discussion
And second I want everyone to know that fic writers DIE for this level of engagement, I'm deceased, melted into the ground and incredibly flattered, thank you 😭🪦
Now to answer
Oh gosh the End. Oh man. Well consider this, right. How many Enderman does the average player have to kill to even open the End portal?
😬
Lmao yeah... that's... not something Steve is proud of.
I hadn't put much thought into it before but here is how I imagine things would have gone before the events of the fic, which will also explain Steve's hangups surrounding the End.
Steve wakes up in the world of Minecraft with no memory. He only knows his name, and that he is not of this world. He begins as an even more reckless adventurer than he is now, and just wants to experience everything the world has to offer
He kills a ton of Enderman and uses their pearls to find and open the portal. He knows somehow this portal is his escape out of this world
He makes it to the End and dies in his first attempt to kill the dragon. It was a rash decision to even try, he isn't even all that certain he wants to leave this world yet. He intends to go back some day, maybe once he is tired of being immortal.
It is at this point that he meets Sandy. Sandy saves Steve, playing out much like chapter 1 except for more hesitance on Steve's part. They have a tenuous ally-ship, mostly held up by the fact that Sandy won't quit following Steve.
Steve is hesitant to accept that Sandy could be good because of all of the Endermen he's slain assuming they were mindless monsters. What if one of them was Sandy? What if they are all like Sandy?
While he is in denial and trying to process, Sandy just keeps following him. Like I'm imagining he even builds a base under a lake only for Sandy to pop in as soon as he builds a ceiling tall enough lol
Steve lashes out at Sandy in misdirected anger at himself. Ok wait Ive just decided something very dramatic, he strikes Sandy when they won't stop following him. He's almost surprised when Sandy subsequently goes insane and hits him back, and he actually ends up killing them.
Instant regret. The Enderpearl left behind fucking haunts him. He goes to the End again out of desperation. Maybe there is some kind of answer to be found there, maybe Sandy will respawn there somewhere.
He finds nothing. It's exactly like the last time. Just endstone and faceless Endermen and a dragon that wants to kill him. But in a way everything has changed since the last time he was here. HE isn't the same.
As a last ditch effort, or maybe feeling sorry for himself, he makes eye contact with an Enderman. Sandy doesn't come to save him this time, and he is ripped apart. It feels fitting, in any case, that they should have a tiny taste of retribution for what he's done to them.
A long time passes before he encounters Sandy again. He's decided he's not leaving this world. Clearly there is so much more to experience that he can't even fathom, if his friendship with Sandy was even possible.
When Sandy finds him again he is beside himself, and actually scares Sandy away with his intense reaction. So he learns to be more casual about it in the future lol. He also learns that explaining what happened at the End is a no-no, because when he mentioned attacking the Enderdragon, Sandy got angry and went away for a long time.
There is a lot of trial and error in this go around. Sandy would either die because of rain or getting in the way of a monster again. Or maybe they attempt the Nether and Steve learns, no more Nether, lmao.
I did want to expand on the concept of the End with that in mind. It becomes sort of a symbol of his past failures and who he used to be. Even the fact that he nearly killed the Enderdragon and escaped this place haunts him.
He still has a lot of growing to do, he still displays selfishness and recklessness, but his relationship with Sandy is steadily making him a better person.
I love that you have a headcanon that's so fun for me. I would also like them to have a very long hug BUT it wouldn't be in the beginning since Sandy is easily spooked at first. At the end of the last chapter, Sandy is more accepting of the physical affection. So it just takes a while for them to warm up to the idea. It would prbly also help if Steve didn't make them kill him at any point lol. I see them making hugs a regular thing in a future lifetime, as long as Star is sitting somewhere out of sight!
Thank you for your ask and your incredible support my heart is warm ♥️
#asks answered#endermen#ao3 writer#minecraft#mineblr#minecraft fanfic#steve x enderman#flairrstarling
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How did you learn how to write so good 😭 I so badly want to write fanfics and headcanons, but I always feel like at the end of them they’re terrible haha. Do you use any references or anything for your writing?
no lmao ive been writing since the 5th grade ahahah it's just practice. i probably have tens of thousands of hours of work under my belt tbh. also, you probably only think your fics and headcanons are terrible because they come from you and you're scrutinizing them too hard - your writing is probably not anywhere near as bad as you think. it's just very easy to be hard on yourself.
i mean i definitely do like "study" writing when im reading a book, like i learn new words that way, different expressions and phrases - i try to analyze how people write "twists" in a book or revelations to understand what makes it work and that sort of thing. but at this point, i don't really need references, i just have to think a bit about it and put in the work. but yeah, you are always learning! that's why it's still important to read a lot as a writer.
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hm (kinda a rant/vent/i just wanna get things off my chest and actually TALK about whats been bothering me)
so. theres this person that has kind of been the cause of my recent mental lows/imposter syndrome getting worse/fear of connecting to people and general distance from literally every community i enter. i think ive ranted about them before. theyre a writer and in a community i used to be active in, and in the beginning i got along pretty well with them because we both enjoyed similar themes and metaphors in our writing but they ended up kind of dropping me, coincidentally at the same time they gave my actual writing/current wip a shot, and ever since then theyve been sub posting about me in really weird and elitist ways and it kind of had ruined my spirit, especially considering that i did really look up to them as a writer since theyre very into actual technicalities, writing theory, they speak about writing very academically. their odd vague posting ended up seriously knocking down my confidence and ive been spiraling into this strange mindset ever since that i’m incredibly stupid/can never improve/am not a real or proper writer by virtue of the things i write. they talk highly about writing techniques and concepts every writer needs to know, very subtly punch down at those who dont seem to know, yet dont care to make that knowledge easy to understand or accessible to obtain.
on top of that theyve been getting quite close with another new friend i made recently thats very dear to me and seeing them talk about things i cant seem to keep up with because i am too ‘stupid’ has just made me very anxious and brought up old feelings and fears that ive worked very hard on to let go off. this person is keeping me from interacting with a community i love because i cant seem to get ovr the fact that some people just dont like me, because im getting paranoid, because i think their every word is directed towards me, because theyre popular and well liked and everyone always agrees with them, even when what they say goes against what what i do and like.
it really sucks, its been bothering me so much, especially the fact that i cant just let it go. that i cant just ignore them and move on and do what i like without feeling like its wrong or cringe or weird. everytime i think im ready to go back i suddenly see them talking again with my friends that have offered me so much support whenever ive opened up about my struggles and now they suddenly agree and praise that person for having opinions that directly oppose me and the things they were so keen on supporting me on.
but recently i remembered something they said. they said that they dont want to be self indulgent in their writing, that ‘there’s nothing necessarily wrong with self indulgence but it reflects in the writings quality’, that you can ‘tell’ and they dont like that. when they first posted that i just read it and went. oh :( my writing is self indulgent :( does this reflect in my quality as well? is that why they dropped my writing and me, because i like being loud about self indulgence and cringe? and now i remembered that post, and suddenly it kind of clicked
this person very obviously does not write for the same reason as i do. they very obviously do not feel about writing thhe way i feel about it. they talk about it as though it is a science. like its something that needs to be perfected. now, it’s clear that they do love writing, that they have a passion for it, and their technical knowledge very much reflects on their art- and that impresses people. im not like that. i want to learn writing techniques and i want to improve my craft and i want to be taught, properly so, i obviously want to be a good writer, and im going to be a little self obsessed and say that i am a good writer, or at least not a bad one. but there is a difference in how each of us sees writing.
i want to be self indulgent. i want to write what i love. i fucking love writing and story telling and yes, the fact hat my writing is self indulgent does impact the quality of my work, because it makes it better. i am passionate about my worlds and stories and characters because its exactly what i want it to be and thats why is fucking good. because it makes me want to put effort in and learn how to get better. i dont write for a grade, i dont write to make something perfect and deep and meaningful and serious, i dont write to impress someone, i dont write to squeeze as many smart things and references to classic literature in as i can, i write because i want to fucking write what i like.
so im stupid. so im cringe and bad and insecure and a loser and i dont fit into the good writers club but at least what i write makes me happy. whatever. let some fucking whimsy into your life and stop treating me like im an idiot for having different motivations than you.
#also both of us literally write on wattpad so fucking humble yourself for half a second#dios wisdom#JESUS. i needed to. let things out.#also any tips on How To Ignore A Large Figure In Your Fandom/Community are welcome#how to get over someone that makes you feel sad even though you know you dont have to feel sad#how to stop being paranoid#etc
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PLEASE GIVE ME SMUT WRUTING TIPS..GOJO BREEDING KINK MADE ME WANT TO WRITE SOMETHING FOR MYSELF. (EVEVN IF U DONT LIKE GS BREEDING KINK, ITS ONE OF UR BWSTS) PLEASE GIVE ME DIALOGUE WRITING HELP. HELPPPPP DONT LEAVE ME HELPLESS
UHHHH smut writing tips... hmmm. (yapping below the cut)
this may sound very wrong and not pc BUT, ive been reading smut for years. Since I was like 10, ive read countless different writing styles, and millions of words of pure filth.
And as I read them I developed a taste of what I like and don't like- I write in a way as though I am reading to the reader- you/your/yours, because I don't like y/n or I don't like using third person pov nor first person.
What I do- is I think of the scene, picture it and if I can't get a body part- or a hand placement correct, I go look at porn videos or hentai- whatever. Not because i derive like arousal from it- but I truly use it as a form of studying. (im asexual)
I also use shows, movies and songs for inspo- certain lyrics I can picture on x character I write down.
I find it helpful to use a physical notebook for my ideas, there are times I don't have access to my computer so actual paper helps.
And as for dialogue, I try to keep a mix of x characters physical state while they speak, an example;
("blah blah blah" she said, and he said "blah blah" and then-) ive never liked this specific kind of writing so I include the way their eyebrows furrow- or the way their nose crinkles after saying something.
with smut I think its helpful for the reader to picture the way x characters face churns, a trembling bottom lip, dilated pupils, it helps make everything seem more intimate and inclusive for the reader.
And when it comes to describing the way something feels- if its something small like a trailing touch- I take a second and do what im writing about onto myself-
example; if im writing about a gripping hand on a hip- ill press the tips of my fingers onto my thigh to see the way the skin indents and how it feels? (embarrassing)
One thing ive learned- just because you write it with a specific image in mind- doesn't mean people will be able to see it the way you do unless you provide details.
usually when im doing laundry or at work a specific sentence pops into my head that id picture x character saying.
Let's use gojo for example, in my head when I think of his dialogue I think of playful, sweet, but with kinda mean undertones. Because in the anime/manga he keeps a playful tone while saying some very mean things.
once ive finished a very rough first draft- I spell check everything and read it outloud to myself- I say the dialogue in the tone I pictured while writing to be sure it sounds correct. and if it doesn't I brainstorm different phrases or words. (use of different words is soo important.)
And once ive corrected any words that don't fit together- or changing certain things that make me squint- I feed it into Siri nd have it read it to me outloud while I follow the sentences.
I do this 3-4 times till the whole thing sounds correct and how I mean for it to be read.
And I do one final skim once I paste the story onto Tumblr.
it's a tedious process, I know, there's times where im on my 4th reread and it seems boring or uninteresting- but only because ive reread it a million times and combed through it carefully.
There are times where I think my writing sucks because it seems over processed it and it's not entertaining- but!!! I proceed regardless.
And remember- you shouldn't write for the likes of other people, write for yourself and to your likings.
The masses shouldn't tell you what you should enjoy writing, pls don't take this as rules or as like a demanding thing- this is just my personal experience and the way I like to do things.
Writing should be a fun hobby and something you do to get the filth out of your mind, nd im not a very big writer on here, so don't listen to me too much
thank u for the question :>>> (I know how it feels to reach out for some help anon, im happy you enjoy my writing enough to ask me this, ily)
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