My Fault (part 3)
Part 1 Part 2
Summary: Starting over.
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A/n: Lol i just know half of you all gonna hate me for this, but this is the only way i could think of that would be good. I dont think making her end up with someone ese would have helped, so if you dont want her to end up with cass, then please dont read this.
also, why does sarah not tell us how people who cant winnow travel??? 😭😭😭
anyways, enjoy!
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Nina's excitement was palpable as Y/n slowly inserted the key into the front door of the home she shared with her husband, trying not to make too much noise in case he was in there, probably sleeping.
It was no use though, Y/n found out once she entered and ran up to her bedroom. Nina had just plopped down unceremoniously on the couch, telling Y/n to hurry up.
The moment Y/n pushed open the closed door to her and Cassian's bedroom -which she was sure was open when she left- she was hit with the strong scent of her husband.
Y/n froze on the threshold, staring wide eyed at her husband, who was on his knees in the middle of the room, fat tears rolling down his face.
He looked up, his eyes containing a world of pain and sadness and guilt and too may emotions that Y/n could not categorise them all.
"Cass?" Y/n mumbled, daring to take a step towards him. He released an anguished cry and launched forward, a dull thud echoing in his wake.
Cassian wrapped himself around Y/n's legs, sobbing into her abdomen. Y/n stared at the top of his head with furrowed brows, then rose her eyes to where he had been kneeling previously.
There, she found a worn diary lying on the wooden floor, left haphazardly. Y/n's blood chilled.
It was her diary.
Y/n usually hid it in her drawer, but she had been writing in it before she left to get coffee with Nina and everything went south.
Cassian had been gone more and more in the recent months, and to cope with all the sadness and need, Y/n began jotting down all that she felt in her empty diary.
And now he had read it all.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Y/n was still frozen when she realised that her blouse was sticking to her skin because of his tears. "Tell you what?"
"Everything. Why did you not tell me how much you'd been hurting? Why did you not tell me that I'd been a shitty husband?"
Y/n watched his shoulder shake with every violent sob that ripped out of his chest, numbness spreading through her. "You were never around long enough for me to say anything."
He sobbed harder at that, and Y/n couldn't take it anymore. She let her hand drift to the top of his head, gently caressing his soft hair.
"My love, why are you crying?" Y/n reached down, cupping his jaw and tilting his head back. She ran her thumb across his cheek, wiping away the tears that never stopped, her other hand still resting in his hair.
More tears flowed from his eyes, and he opened his mouth to speak, but right at that moment, Nina spoke up from behind Y/n. Y/n hadn't even heard Nina walk up the stairs, so busy was she getting lost in her lover's eyes.
"Get away from her you bastard."
Y/n turned halfway, Cassian's death grip on her lessening just a little as he too peered from around Y/n. Y/n absently noted that Nina had left her bag down in the living room.
"Nina, please-"
"Y/n, don't. You just told me you wanted to leave, heal. What happened now? Are you having second thoughts?"
Y/n felt Cassian freeze, and she sighed, glaring at Nina. "You... you are leaving?"
"Thank you so much Nina, just what I needed." Y/n bit out, turning her back to her friend and glancing down at her kneeling husband. His skin was pale, paler than Y/n had ever seen him.
"What! I just helped you out! You had to tell him anyways!"
"Yes Nina, but I would have been more gentle!"
Nina huffed as Y/n grabbed Cassian's forearms and tugged. He complied, climbing to his feet as new tears gathered in his eyes. Y/n ignored her friend and grabbed Cassian's face tenderly in her hands.
"Cass? I... I need to leave."
"Why?" He whispered.
"I don't think I can handle letting your family walk all over me anymore. I need to stand up for myself. I'm sorry Cass, but I need to do this. Even if it kills me, I need to leave."
"I- they're your family too." His voice was quiet and uncertain, as though he knew Y/n would not believe him.
Y/n gave him a small, pained smile. "I don't think they feel that way."
"Please don't go Y/n. Rhys is feeling guilty for what he did. I'm sure everyone else is too. Maybe they're on their way here to apologise."
"Never seen anyone more delusional." Nina murmured from behind Y/n.
"Cass-"
Before Y/n could even get a word out, Nina piped up.
"If you really want to be with her, you can come with us. Leave this hell court."
Cassian ignored Nina again.
"Y/n, please don't go. I need you. We can all start over again. I promise they will realise how wrong they were."
"It's too late now. Give us a straight answer. If you love her, leave this place and come with us. If not, stay here and rot."
"Come on, Y/n. I can't leave them. They're my family."
"And she is not? You should not feel obligated to love someone because they're your family or whatever."
Cassian glared at Nina, then mumbled to Y/n. "Are you not going to defend me from her?"
"Like you defended her from your asshole family?"
Y/n could see Cassian trying to hold back a snarl at that, and she sighed, pinching her nose bridge between her forefinger and thumb. "Y/n. We need to talk. Alone."
Y/n nodded, glancing at her friend, who rolled her eyes. "I will be standing outside. Call for me when you're done."
She looked like she wanted to slam the door shut as she left, but she simply pulled it until it made a soft click.
Y/n turned to Cassian, offering him a tentative smile.
"Yes?"
Cassian took a step back. "I- I'll start from the beginning."
Y/n nodded uncertainly, wondering what he wanted to tell her. He grabbed Y/n's hand, gently tugging her to the end of the bed and sitting her down onto it.
"I... I don't know how to explain, but I'll try." Cassian took a deep breath as he settled into a kneeling position in front of Y/n. "First of all, I need you to know that I only ever kissed Nesta, and that was when I was drunk out of my mind."
He released a breath before continuing, clutching Y/n's hands as if they were his lifeline. "I... I know that isn't an excuse for what I did, and I never should have been at Rita's that night, but it happened, and I don't think anything I do or say will justify it.
"It started that day a year ago. When Rhys wanted to send me on a month long mission. Asshole, now that I think of it. I just now realise it for the plot it was." Cassian shook his head in disbelief. "He told me no one else could do it and that only I could do it. That should have alerted me, but alas, I now know that I'm very thick skulled."
A small giggle left Y/n, and Cassian's eyes rose to her lips, a little of life returning to the dull hazel. He smiled softly as his eyes met Y/n's, and her breath hitched. It had been far too long since the two of them had time like this.
"I remember you cried that day. That was the first time I'd seen you cry. I was so stressed because I did not want to leave you. That would have been the first time that I would be away from you for longer than a day. You told me you would write to me everyday."
Y/n could remember it very vividly. The way she had sobbed into Cassian's chest just as he was about to leave, the way she had stared up at him as his tears fell too. It had been a nightmare, to put it nicely.
"But you never did-"
Y/n interrupted him. "What do you mean I never did?"
Cassian glanced up at Y/n from where he was playing with her fingers, meeting her eyes with furrowed brows. "You never wrote to me? I never received any letters."
Y/n's lips parted in confusion. "I- I wrote to you everyday Cass. Sometime even multiple times a day."
Cassian stared at her in disbelief, and Y/n could see the gears in his brain churning. His mouth opened a few times, wanting to speak but no words coming out before realisation set in his features.
"Rhysand."
Y/n searched Cassian's eyes as anger and betrayal entered them, coming to the same realisation.
"Oh Cass." Y/n mumbled, reaching up to cup his cheek.
"Fucker." Cassian said under his breath, his wings flaring slightly.
After a moment of Cassian cursing Rhys and his entire family line, he continued. "I never received those letters, so I was a little upset because I was looking forward to writing you. When I returned, I decided that it would be best to give Rhys all the information I had before coming home so I could spend some days with you, locked away with no one interrupting us.
"But when I arrived, Rhysand said things about you that riled me up. He told me that he had asked you multiple times if you had to send any letters and that each time you told him to, basically, fuck off. I did not believe him, but it kept happening every time I was gone, to the point where I was starting to wonder if you liked me at all."
Cassian rested his head on their joined hands, releasing a deep breath. "I never should have believed that bastard, never should have doubted you. And I will forever regret that. Rhys also kept up with his manipulating to get me away from you, I see that now. I should have stopped him the first time he said things about you, but I guess I didn't want to upset him after everything he's done for me."
"He is your family, isn't he? He would not have expected anything of you." Y/n told him, making him nod.
"I know. Recently, after Feyre and her sister's arrival, Rhys started to gaslight me into thinking I liked Nesta. He made me spend more time with her, train her. He got so much out of it. For one, he could get me away from you, whatever his reasons. By assigning me to Nesta, he could keep her busy and out of the way.
"He... he really fucked up my mind. He is a daemati after all. Yesterday at Rita's, I realised something was wrong. That I couldn't put up my shields properly. Then the next thing I knew, I was kissing Nesta. I left soon after, not wanting to be near any longer."
He sucked in a tired breath, his hold tightening on Y/n's hands. She gave him a gentle squeeze and he continued. "Today, when I was about to come home, Rhys convinced me to stay till dinner. And I just... somehow couldn't say no. It was like- like..."
Cassian trailed off, his wide eyes meeting his wife's.
"Oh Cassian." Y/n slid onto his lap, pulling him close. "I'm so sorry he did that to you. I wish I had known what was happening sooner so I could stop it from ever happening."
Cassian shook his head, staring at the wall behind Y/n's head, his features distant.
"Not your fault. You could not have stopped it from happening."
Y/n knew that, but that didn't stop her from wanting to rip off Cassian's brother's head. Hell, she wished at least she's gotten a little bit of power from her parents so she could do anything to stop what Rhys had been doing to Cassian.
She could not even winnow, so what was she even worth? At least this Nesta was powerful enough to be mated to Cassian.
"I just- I just don't understand why he wanted you to be with Nesta."
Without moving his eyes, still that far off look on his face, Cassian mumbled. "She is my mate, and the mother pairs people who can produce the strongest offspring." Finally, Cassian met Y/n's gaze, his eyes haunted. "He wanted me to produce as strong as an offspring I could."
Y/n's heart broke for her husband. She knew how much the high lord mattered to him, and the betrayal she felt would probably not even compare to what he was feeling.
Cassian opened his mouth on a gasp, about to say something when knock drew their attention, stopping Cassian from speaking.
"Are you done yet?" Nina's voice called out. Y/n looked from the door to Cassian. He stared at the door like it had caused him some personal offence. "The caravan will not wait up for us, and only an hour is left-"
"Caravan?" Cassian questioned Y/n, turning to look at her as his hands fell to her waist. Y/n nodded.
"Neither of us can winnow, so Nina had to contact a friend who knew of an agent. He technically transports people from one court to another on horse and carriages."
Understanding entered his eyes. "You- you really were going to leave."
Y/n nodded, making to pull away from him so she could start packing up. His hold on her tightened.
"Please don't go. I need you. I will make it up to you, I promise. I will wait forever if that's what it takes to earn your forgiveness." His eyes were again filled with tears, making it harder for Y/n to turn away.
"Cass... I won't forgive you. Not anytime soon at least. But... maybe I can give you one last chance."
The tears overflowed from his eyes even as a huge grin split his face. "Thank you. Thank you so much my heart. I will not let you down again."
Y/n studied him for a moment, smiling when he started laughing softly while wiping at his tear stained cheek with the sleeve of his shirt. Y/n gently pushed back some stray strands of hair from his face, placing a kiss on his forehead.
"Maybe we can start all over again. Like we never knew each other."
Cassian nodded. "Even though what good times we had together are precious to me, I don't think we can mend this. We need to start over."
Y/n smiled wide for the first time in what felt like months, genuine joy singing through her blood. "Let's get ready then."
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Nina's pov.
It was around ten minutes after that the door opened, and Nina nearly fell to her knees and thanked the mother for it. She was getting bored standing out here all by herself.
And in the next moment Nina wondered if she was dreaming.
Y/n stood in the doorway, a huge smile and blush on her face. That was not what shocked Nina, though it played a part in it.
No, it was Cassian, who stood behind Y/n, holding two duffel bags over his shoulder, a quiet joy on his face.
Nina rose a brow at the couple, who only grinned. Releasing a disbelieving sigh, Nina pushed away from the wall she was leaning against.
"I had booked an extra seat just in case. Thank the mother I did."
Y/n grabbed Nina in a quick hug, and her happiness brought a small smile to Nina's lips as well.
Y/n turned and practically skipped down the stairs, happy to leave. Cassian moved to follow, but Nina caught his arm. He looked down at her, his brows raised high.
"Don't you dare hurt her now. Or I will fucking carve your wings from your back. Understood?" If possible, his eyebrows rose higher, almost disappearing into his hairline. Obviously, Nina wished Y/n never forgive him, but Nina also knew how happy the brute made her best friend, and that was all Nina could ask for.
He studied her for a moment, then nodded, pulling his arm away from her. "Hmm. Good."
With that, both of them followed Y/n, ready to start all over again, make a new life.
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Cassian Taglist: @moonlwghts
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Giving to the poor
Hobie brown x G/N!reader
Request: hobie with a ballerina reader who is also a HUGE bookworm-dont ask me where the idea came from because idk either lol- I kinda just wanted to see how that would maybe look?
Warnings: none? Mentions of theft
Story type: Headcannons
A/N: Not my best but please read my other fics!!
Masterlist | REQUESTS OPEN
You and Hobie don't have a ton in common
You are graceful, very sweet, and a little more awkward
Hobie is a little more- bold and rough
But you two couldn't be a better pair
He loves your smooth and sophisticated fighting style, thanks to your ballet
He thinks its hot how you almost make fighting into a dance, and can whoop anyone in heartbeat
You encourage him constantly to take up ballet, insisting that it'll do him good
"Football players do it! It helps balance and control, and you'd look fine in a leotard." You always plead
"I don't need help, I'm doin' just fine love. But I certainly would look good," He always says
In secret he'd probably watch ballet tutorials to see if its for him, to make you happy
He is FLOORED when he finds out how often you have to replace ballet slippers
"Every 6 months? That has to be so expensive!"
Just wait till he hears that you also have pointe shoes that get replaced every few months...
He will start to time out when you buy shoes and buy them for you
He listens to you rant about your terrible dance teacher and fellow ballerinas for as long as you want, nodding in agreement about how horrible they are
He'll do yoga with you (although he's not very bendy) to keep you flexible and let you laugh at how bad he is
As for your reading addiction, Hobie finds it adorable
The way you gasp and yell at your books as you read, your facial expressions that convey the emotion of the chapters, your particularity for how books should be handled, everything
He isn't the biggest reader but if you hype up a book he'll definitely check it out
You guys bond over ones you both like
"I like hunger games. We need more katniss's in the world to stick it to the man!" He says after finishing the series
Dystopian books make him mad and go on lectures about how the real government is just as bad and deteriorating and loves the wah you'll go off with him and agree and listen
Sometimes he loses you around headquarters and looks EVERYWHERE for you
Loses trust in everyone
"Have you seen them? Come on, think would ya? Yes you have, I know you have!"
Only to find you in an empty room either reading or practicing your ballet
Either way, he leans on the door frame and admire you until you notice him
"If you're gonna sneak away darlin' you could at least tell me, I worry." He scolds but smiles and sits next to you.
Hobie LOVES making people uncomfortable
He'll admire you fighting and just yell out how hot you are or how turned on he is, not caring who hears
He'll make out with you in front of anyone, anytime.
On a different note, when you obsessively buy books he wants to stop you but he can't because you look so cute with the way your face lights up at each cover
"I've been wanting this one!" Or, "I have this one but this is a different cover!"
He isn't all for traditional gender roles but he will pay for your stuff, just because he loves you. He lets you pay for him sometimes if you offer
He sometimes sneaks a book out, stealing it just because he hates the way you insist on following rules
"Here, I took this one for ya," he says
"Hobart Brown!" You scold but can't help being happy for the book
"What? I'm stealing from the rich," he gestures to the book store. "And giving to the poor," he ends, gesturing at you.
He gives to 'the poor' a lot
If you ever talk about a book to him that you want, it randomly appears on you bookshelf
~
Sorry for the abrupt ending lmao
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