#I dont even know if i put that in lack of intelligence or communication abilitys

[dartalias]

Kyoshi novels AU but it just providing Kuruk's team two brain cells and the people of Kyoshi's era comunication skills

[beautifulpersonpeach]

bpp lemme be sappy and incoherent for a min…

i saw this tiktok of bts’ solo era so far and i just wanna say that i’m glad that they know army doesn’t expect anything from them but music. GOOD MUSIC. like historically so many idols have gone on to do non music things after their peaks but bts knows that the core of their fandom are music fans. fans of THEIR music especially. bts as a whole prides themselves as being musicians and army prides ourselves as being fans of musicians.

idk. i guess i just wanted to appreciate how diverse this era has been musically and how proud i am of them doing the music they want even if i dont always enjoy it cuz someone else is bound to, yknow? i’m so freaking proud of their output. they’re amazing

***

It just tugs on your heartstrings doesn’t it? Even Jin who doesn’t have a full album yet, the song he made with Coldplay in only a few months doesn’t feel rushed or half-assed. It feels like a (sappy) sweet letter (in Chris Martin’s ink) from a friend you’ll be seeing before too long.

From Hoseok producing the beauty that is Jack in the Box; to Joon’s archive of his 20s with some of the best collaborations for a Korean artist in Indigo; to Jimin’s episodic processing of the personal struggles he dealt with during the pandemic in FACE; to Yoongi’s culmination of the AGUST D trilogy in D-DAY; to Taehyung’s expression of the music that most feels like him in Layover; and finally, Jungkook pushing himself out of his comfort zone to make a full album in a language he doesn’t speak, showcasing his skill set of ever-improving vocal ability, in classic pop songs in several genres that he’s selected to showcase his personal taste.

All the boys have done well. The assignment was to serve music, and they’ve all delivered. Some songs are more my taste than others, but I can acknowledge the work they’ve all done and I respect it.

And this isn’t really what you’re talking about Anon, but please let me go on a short tangent here.

I’ve seen chatter here and there about how Jungkook isn’t mature in his interview answers. About how he apparently comes across as a clueless puppet who can’t articulate his views eloquently, but like I said about the discourse around Jimin’s apparent lack of contribution to BTS, or Jin’s apparent lack of skill - sometimes that criticism is warranted, but most of the time people who say things like this frankly have no idea what they’re talking about.

A few of you have sent me asks months back, to give my view on Jungkook the way I’ve done about Jimin, Yoongi, Hoseok etc recently. I didn’t answer because I was waiting for Golden. Now that the album’s out, I’m sitting with it and will respond to those asks before too long.

But before that, I want to draw attention to this excerpt from Jungkook’s interview in The Atlantic.

*

In my draft reply to the asks wanting me to talk about Jungkook, I start with saying he’s a very simple person. That’s both his charm and the thing that confuses a lot of people about him, because many of us are anything but simple, so when faced with a man like him living the life he’s living, some people respond with suspicion or bewilderment.

Simple motivations, simple words, simple considerations - this is what I’ve observed in JK for the past 10 years. He’s younger than all the members but no less intelligent that the rest of the guys on average. He knows how to communicate what he means, he just usually has a preference to do it simply, and that’s what he did in that paragraph.

I’m excited to see how he’s going to become a global pop star, even bigger than he is now, because he’s certainly got the talent and skill to show real results. I’m proud of all the projects the boys have put out so far.

By their own words, one point of Chapter 2 was to showcase their individual colours, to show the world who makes up a group like BTS, so people could more clearly see what each member brings to the table, while the guys push themselves to learn new things, expand their skillsets, and hone their individual artistry to create a stronger, more nimble group.

*

So far so good. It seems to be going according to plan despite everything lol. I’m excited to get Joon’s next work, PJM2, Hobi’s release, Jin’s album, and all the other goodies lined up for us in Chapter 2. It’s been a trip and it’s only going to get wilder.

[weirdnaturalscience]

The one time you can find an "evolution of man" poster that depicts a woman it's most likely about that woman becoming a bimbo, and it puts her in heels and all sorts of suggestive and sexual positions. Thanks, google! Love that for us as a species which prides itself on doing ""serious science."" Love that I can't just look for such an innocuous thing (evolution of woman!) without being bombarded with reminders of misogyny. Could people like, pretend to view women as people, or pretend to at least understand that women evolved alongside men and are not just sexual objects? Anyway. Now you're going to hear my rant on this idea of "the dumb slut."

Alright! The phrase "dumb slut" is of course highly misogynistic but it's also fascinating to me. Here's why: with weird accuracy it communicates this belief about human abilities that was popular around the heyday of scientific racism. The extremely racist jist of this belief system is that physicality and intelligence lie on opposite ends of a spectrum. Now, what we know about intelligence nowadays is that it's nothing like this whatsoever and this is bonkers and unscientific in so many ways, but racists dont care about facts and never will, so. Anyway. They held that Black people were too far on the physical end of the spectrum and Asian people were too far on the intellectual end of the spectrum. You see this reflected in racist stereotypes today about Asian men lacking sexuality and the myriad stereotypes that overly sexualize Black women and men, deeming especially Black men as sexually threatening. In this racist worldview, or course, white people are in the middle where everything is just right. How convenient and disgusting.

So where does this leave women? White women, that is, because we're talking about violent racists here. Well, they've gotta underline that these white women are still inferior to white men, so they view them as more animalistic than men. Less evolved, you could even say. The complete lack of a woman on the evolution poster emerging from the mists of time I'm all her homo sapiens glory starts to be a bit more maddening. Women are unimportant, we are reminded. Less intelligent than men. "Dumb."

(Blackwell, a woman and contemporary of Darwin, wrote to him that while his theory of evolution was nice and all, he had forgotten that the females evolved too, alongside the males, or this whole survival of the fittest thing wouldn't work, and isn't that important? ....He assumed she was a man. Also he was too sexist to consider female animals as important.)

So anyway, women have to be sexual but not TOO sexual because a woman in charge of her sexuality is scary and bad. Remember that physicality vs intellect thing? It seems very related to the idea of women on a spectrum from dumb, hot and sexual to smart, unattractive and frigid. I see this stereotype around me constantly, this idea that sexual women are dumber and less attractive women are smarter. It's INSANE! This is insanity! How is this shit still circulating?

Some of it just feels like patriarchal wish fulfillment, also. Smart women can think for themselves and may resist male control. Therefore, let's hope all women interested in sex are not smart!

Question to sexist men: if all the women interested in you are dumb, for the sake of argument, what does that say about you, exactly?

I'd also like to talk about the word slut for a minute. See, here's the thing. Some people want to reclaim the word slut and that's valid but here's my take:

Sluts don't exist. Slut is a word to refer to a woman who likes sex and that's bad. No such woman exists. File not found. Sorry. Like, no. Women who love sex exist. Women who hate sex exist. Women who want to have sex with multiple partners exist. Women who masturbate exist. Women who love sex and that's bad? They don't exist. Why? Because women being sexual isn't bad and never was. I'm so done with this bullshit. I swear to God if I have to even hear the phrase dumb slut ever again... and don't come at me with the whole "no a slut is a woman who cheats" thing. Men will call a woman a slut if she's a FAITHFUL AND WAS JUST A VIRGIN BEFORE HER ONE RELATIONSHIP. OKAY? Cheating is an entirely separate issue, and men who cheat.....not called sluts.

Leaving the discussion of homo sapiens for a minute, females primates love sex, by the way. Female primates maaaaaaaaaay love sex more than male primates at times. Female bonobos rub their clitorises together on average every TWO HOURS. Okay???????? Two HOURS! Are you hearing this? We are very closely related to these animals! Hello! They are having like.... OLYMPIC levels of sex! It's actually really impressive.

I'm sick of this idea that women wanting sex is bad or even rare! The only reason people think women have lower sex drives than men is the SHAME WE ATTACH TO FEMALE SEXUALITY! Add a dash of the threat of considerable violence against women in many cultures across the world and the pervasive lack of birth control options and here we are. Meanwhile our close female primate relatives are perfectly happy initiating sex, having gay sex, rubbing their clitorises on males, screaming until they attract male attention...you name it, they've done it and honestly, you go girls.

Female primates get oral sex from males. Female BATS get oral sex from males, but that's less relevant.

Sluts don't exist. Dumb sluts doubly so. If being a slut were even possible it would definitely not be a dumb course of action, you dumb mother FUCKERS. Listen: compared to other primates homo sapiens have like INSANE amounts of sex. Like our time would have been better spent foraging for food. EXCEPT there were reasons for this insane amount of sex: inciting male-male competition (this is public sex need I remind you), sex as courtship, a way of females to assess male fitness directly (stamina), female access to males, not to mention more complex social and hierarchical reasons, because primates are nothing if not constantly creating complex social systems to compete within.

Ever notice how we NEVER linguistically associate sexuality with stupidity in men? Yeah because we don't. We praise sexuality in men and associate wit with attributes like drive and determination, even creativity. We're never like look at that dumb slut trying to talk to women at the bar. Look at that dumb slut, he wants to get laid, after which he will become even dumber. Yet it feels like everywhere is this narrative of the hot woman with the "empty head," even the idea that fucking is going to make women stupider!!!!!! (Do you guys have brain damage? Are you for REAL right now? Do you believe like some medieval peasant who never bathes that the thoughts are being sucked straight out of a woman's brain through her clitoris? Please stop immediately and never speak again.)

The take home message is this!!!!!!! Not to discount that asexuality exists and is 100% normal and natural, our species BY AND LARGE is kind of nymphomaniac and that's okay too. We've somehow convinced everyone that human women are less sexual than human men???? and then when women protest because they want to get laid we're like YOU HORRIBLE SLUT! Just to add insult to injury we call back into play this idea that sexuality and intelligence oppose each other. Which, again, has no basis in fact, but does have a basis in soundly debunked racist dog shit.

Sluts don't exist. "Dumb slut" is a phrase that makes misogynistic ideas all too apparent in their ugliness: lies about female inferiority, lies about female sexuality, sexist mens' wish-fulfillment about a sexual but controllable woman.

You know what women did not evolve for? This shit.

[mikeholdher]

Here’s the problem...

Instead of debating, arguing, or whatever you call it for simple understanding. People always want to be a clear winner. So from that point forward you undermine the whole conversation.

You aren’t listening for understanding anymore. You’re listening so you can respond. And when that happens you cloud your own judgement and ability to think rationally. Something someone said that makes perfect logical sense you write off completely cause it doesn’t fit your narrative or if you agree with them you feel like you are losing.

I really wish less people had this mindset cause it ruins not only so many potential friendships but also the opportunity to mentally grow. You can learn so much from other people if you just listen with an open mind. 

Scenario from earlier:

“Well I’m not going to date a tumblr person ever so...”

“Out of curiosity why is it a bad thing that I have a Tumblr??? Like what is a Tumblr person? So if I didn’t have a Tumblr you wouldn’t care?”

“Nvm. Too much to explain u won’t get it.”

“Thanks for insulting my intelligence there. So instead of explaining it and helping me to better understand something. He won’t get it... I'm not going to push the subject anymore. It's obvious I'm not worth your time or the explanation. I honestly pray your situation gets better and you find whatever it is you're looking for.”

“See what I mean ? U spin it to make yourself the victim. I dont date people I meet on tumblr. That's just my rule. There happy ?”

“See here's the problem. You're speaking from a place where there needs to be a clear winner and clear loser in this conversation...meanwhile I'm just trying to better understand a situation. I don't care if I lose. I can admit I'm wrong. I can agree with someone even if the outcome isn't ideal for me. I'm not sure you can do the same. In all seriousness I'm not being sarcastic here or trolling.You're right you don't owe me an explanation. I asked and instead of saying no. You told me I wouldn't get it.Those are two completely different answers. One simply says no. The other says I won't tell you cause you won't understand.There is no victim card there. It's a simple fact...you think I lack the capacity to understand = insulting my intelligence. How is that playing the victim?”

“It's like like a teacher going through a whole lesson...getting to the end and a student raises his hand and ask them to elaborate on something. And the teacher tells them they wouldn't understand...that's exactly what it is.

 “ Ok.”

“We went through this whole talk earlier and this whole time you still think its because i want to make you feel inferior or force you to date me...that's the sad part about it.”

“I'm already off that. I'm thinking in terms of how I can better understand you. or any female for that matter so that it doesn't happen in the future.”

“ Like am I making any sense at all? “

And to be honest with you after reading I come off as condescending I think. And it’s not intentional at all. It’s a literal condition that I have from going through chemo and radiation that messes with my short term memory. So I struggle to get my point across.and have to re explain stuff I tell everyone this ahead of time and it’s like they just ignore it. It’s why I tell everyone I hate texting...verbal communication with tones and inflection are so much easier for me. It’s not me being creepy or trying to finessed a phone number or anything it’s legit an easier form of communication.

It’s frustrating getting profiled cause I’m a Male over the internet who slides in a DM and no matter what I say people don’t believe me.

I’m getting off topic. But the point I was trying to make is that everyone is so stuck in an “I don’t owe you an explanation,” mode or “you wouldn’t understand.” That it hurts society as a whole.If people were more open about sharing experiences and facing their traumas they’d realize a lot of the things they go through some of the people right next to them deal with as well. Anxiety, depression, feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, unrequited love, irritability, financial instability, and whatever else you can think of.

Like whenever someone ask me about cancer even though I’m still processing things from it I don’t turn them away. It makes things easier honestly. I get things out that have been weighing on my mind and stopping me from moving forward. And they learn more about something they are curious about. It’s a win win scenario.

   “You are living proof that life is tough. It takes a incredibly strong person to fight like you did and continue to fight when your world is turned upside down. Seeing you fight is inspiring and makes me appreciate every little thing so much more. Bro if you ever need somebody to talk to, a ear to vent to or just somebody to bullshit with I’m here. I know we’ve never met and we don’t really know each other that well. But just know I care about you and that’s the least i could do, in return for the way you inspire the world.” - Frankie

    “You are a fighter. Your mentality, positivity and strength throughout this difficult time has been an inspiration!” - Nikki  

    “Legit you’re put thru trials because you can handle them.you are an amazing individual for having the strength you have and you inspire me!everyday is a blessing not a guarantee. Stay strong brother you’ve made an impact on this life” - Andrew

    “Damn man that last part hits different cause I always talk about how I just want to change people's lives and just be a positive influence. I'm glad to hear that. Let's me know I'm making progress on being a better version of myself. Not only that but making sure the people around me feel the same way.” - me

    “Yes sir I’m aware about the people around me trust I’ve had a very interesting up bringing and I notice peoples struggles. And I’m open to peoples struggles. Your story is inspiring and I love that! You have affected me in a positive way so thank you 🙏🏾 you’re a fighter and I respect and admire that more than anything” - Andrew

      “Thank you for the warning. More thankful for the sharing of honest words and REAL photos. While you may struggle with pride, your willingness to be vulnerable is admirable. Keep sharing. Keep fighting. ❤️.” - Kelli

These aren’t even half the people that I’ve talked to or shared my experience with. But each and every one of them has made this a lot easier to deal with. Now Imagine going through all of this alone. If I would have turned everyone away because I thought they were all the same.

So please don’t judge people from jump and assume that they are all the same. We aren’t. With everything going on in my life it’s a waste of energy to be petty, negative, or manipulative. It only hurts me in the long run cause I lose out on life changing experiences. And I know better than anyone tomorrow isn’t promised so I have to live in the moment.

“You have about 4 weeks to live...”

“This is above my pay grade so I have to send you up the road.”

“We’ll do our best to save your eye and make sure we don’t damage the brain.”

“We don’t know what it is. Cause it behaves like fibrous dysplasia but that take years to grow. This keeps coming back in months.”

“He’s coding... What happened?” passes out*

“He’s not responding to the epi pen.”

The list goes on...

[zanyanimalstechnologytaco]

My Hero Academia, the series, the fan media, the community all was a mistake of our time

I hate this show. More than Naruto and more than Fairy Tail. I hate Izuku, I hate Kstsuki, I hate how everyone and everything is just being forced to like everything about them, I hate All Might, I hate the Hero Association, I hate how light hearted and shallow arcs end. And I hate how things ended up with my once favorite character, his ship and everything I ever expected to be better became much worse and theres no male based fan media to or communities that allow my project myself in shouto anymore, seriously hes manly than "Cant stop Sparkling" guy now adays based on all the fan stuff he has about being with deku.

Todomomo was a mistake and Todoroki is a mistake. All bnha ships are unholy and wrong. Bnha is all shallowness and impure GARBAGE. I used to love bnha and was a big todoroki fan. But the more I invested through time in this character, the more i felt alone and isolated from the fandoms intention on shouto being bland fangirl fuel, the more I felt more distant from the character and not even the manga supports my reasons to invest in todoroki whom hori treats like the most shoehorned false hype emo in the show. And that offends me deeply, you got all these characters and the ones that you are expected to take seriously (and live through vicariously) are the most important characters in the show. Deku, Bakugou, All Might, Mineta, Kirishima and even Endeavor are these character and he obviously builds up there hidden character development in abilities and progression, shouto still struggles with his own personal development and is basically the same as he started with the added bonus of jobbing.

Oh and all the hype about him being cool and attractive, just irrelevant blanket statement extra tidbit filler, nothing meaningful but to make shouto explained why hes special, I prefer it if the story elaborates this by "showing" it, which the author just skims through with him and hand waves consistancy with contradiction in other following scenes making him seem like a weaker/dumber from before(ex. Fighting Festival(shouto a top tier student in every respect according to deku) to Stain Fight(Shouto is nothing but quirk reliant) according to Stain). Strongest quirk wise, this is all he has for him but even hes not even the most talented or intelligently trained with it, which makes me wonder of all shouto is just a blanket statement based character that just meant to exist to explore how insignificant he is with all his power and advantages compared to the main duo and other coming of age based events involving the cast. Even his father represents this more than his son.

Todomomo seems to relate to this, but its meaningless, just like everything else shouto has been portrayed by fans, based on how much the author puts his narrative into play which is also meaningless in the grander context of the story. Why make momo and shouto work together in the first place only to not build that relationship in future developments.

That pairing I hate(todomomo), I didnt hate in the beginning only to me because it was the only humanizing aspect todoroki had not related to his family and later the forced shoehorned dynamic with deku and bakugou, it made sense because the two are socially awkward people despite their supreme standing in the class and as first years and yet they both encourage each other by standing firm to overcome their own lack of socialization skills to grow as ideal people and improve socially, which seems to be working for momo now not shouto who's still the brooding loner elitist type(only has friends with elitist characters like friends too) . Now it's a husk and a relic of a potential investment in shoutos own story, I dont give a damn anymore, shoutos has no real anticipating developments to compel him to me, his quirk is boring as fuck since it's just a shooting targeting spammer, he isnt a good character to entertain me from a personal way, he really is a broken record of the same issues with a new idea, his family outside of endeavor and overcooked guy is more boring than him, and god I hate him with deku and bakugou which gives me more a reason to not bother with anything about him specifically since they will always overshadow him as story narrative and progress development narrative types, and I hate those two more. They are really just stand ins as horikoshi escapist fantasies, and both of them get more attention than any character as narratives who pretty much get the most attention in doing the most awesome feats and accomplishments as main roles. The new movie was about that. Shoutos accomplishments center around how he plays second fiddle to that basically instead of exploring the potential of being a pure equal to deku and bakugou, he gets the second in command villains or does something less than them in battles they already excell at in quirk control.

It's all worthless, shouto should not be this popular anything, and eventually this reflects in the popularity polls recently, which I noticed in the west from the previous one, shouto was less recieved by a significant margin compared to the main leads as a third place holder, maybe it shows me that todoroki is losing favor slowly, it makes sense, the author is not doing anything with him that makes people catch interest with the plot about strong heroes and villains getting more relevant as major players, while hes stronger than most the class but not plot relevant with his strength like deku has. Bakugou is like just like deku since the plot focuses on his strength to and is naturally stronger than Shouto via being the more badass and more aggressively driven he gets and thus gets as strong if not stronger and more skilled than shouto out of sheer plot armor. Shouto is just getting hotter and cold, bigger and more raw and unrefined in his power, so he has to control it which is still not as grand as bakugous perfect skills and genius and deku grander scaling in brains and brawn. If I were to make a guess, shouto is just going to to be behind them both as a stronger quirk user eventually and more about being a defensively capable than battle capable like kirishima and ochako, fitting for a major yet minor character, which disappoints me even more since shouto can be more battle creative than both of them if the author didnt have a bias in making deku and bakugou better than him despite having a stronger quirk.

God I hate this series. Theres no likable characters that are relatable or even human, there all shallow power and fanservice fantasies, the only character in class 1s that acts less cartoonish and serves as a stand in audience Surrogate is jirou and tail guy, but they are all about being generic looking compared to the unrealistically attractive guys and girls, the looney toon designed comic relief, and the recycled shonen trope cast. But if anything shouto represents all these shallow functions the most, and it's made him a less than a character too, it made him a sellout fan appeal type with no credibility as a character, which is why men dont like him due to not showing much concern to connect to him as a human narrative, at least the characters compared to him are showing why they(despite acting like shallow cliches) are interesting characters to care about, shoutos thing is telling about how tragically sympathetic his character needs to be as the only important thing about him, not as a part of him as a character to endear towards while he grows and helps build up a leading narrative with his development. His story doesnt help any part of the main lead or rivals growth, or his class, or his own personal objectives for his goals as a hero(being like all might and surpassing all might is a all purpose blanket statement to keep him near deku and bakugou as a power hype, not a individual self defined person). Dragging out objectives(season 1: being anti endeavor on surpassing all might which in the end pledges to learn not to do that and become better, season 2.Learning from the festival and from then on to being able to take endeavors legacy and take his training seriously which compared to deku and bakugou isnt enough to show much, Season 3. Promises to make people depend on him, doesnt happen since hes still the unapproachable person people in his class know him for. Season 4. Still makes promises hes gonna be a dependable hero, still accept his fire side, still be his own hero, things he repeats and fails to attempt because hori is lazy or just doesnt care about showing how much hes changed compared to his mary sue duo. etc) that dont happen and are inconsistent with new story details is why shouto is dead to me. High expectations about him are problematic since the author has agendas that don't involve story relevancy about him compared to the actual leading roles, plus the fan reception helps effect how I feel about shouto to, hes not even popular enough to have drawn pornagraphy with most all the girls and high quality momo hentai fanservice artists and circles, fucking mineta and your average joe otaku faceless male is more likely than shouto instead. That's how much the value shouto means to anyone than just a fangirl targeted audience which is just gay or bishi equivalent to sasuke fanworks and the feminine answer to male targeted audiences of characters like deku, bakugou and mineta, the worst and most common types of shonen stock characters in the series.

I hope this series and all the fans get tired of this shit when it gets eventually cancled. Or maybe it has. I dont really keep up with it anymore.

[askthetriokzt]

20??

 20. Wildcard. Talk about anything

// Oh boy, anything? Lets shine some light on Criticism shall well? A key thing I learned when it comes to creating and critiquing. But before I talk about criticism, I would like to talk about a universal currency.

 Believe it or not, but all humankind share one kind of commodity, regardless of social status, nationality, race, gender, sexual orientation, or any other sort of categorization.

That commodity is time. We can give our time, invest our time, waste our time, miss our time, lose time, have it stolen, and we can value our time… the only thing we cant do, is have more time. We claim to buy time, but thats really just an exchange of our own time to delay events. Though we dont know how deep our own accounts go, we cant create more of this finite resource.

So when you invest time in watching a movie or reading a book, or any other exchange that didn’t seem worth the trade, its natural to be angry. This was your time and it has value. Simultaneously, the creator of that book or movie, or art piece, or characters, ect can invest a great deal of their own time in that works creation. Its incredibly frustrating to feel that people arent recognizing that effort. Which is where the tension between critics and creatives often arises.

The wrong word from a certain critic can undermine a lot of creative investment. Yet many a critic will defend their role as pushing back against any trivialization of an art form. In a weird way, both sides believe themselves to be creativity’s true champion. And in my eyes, the best critics convey this love for the medium

Somewhere along the way, critics became celebrities in their own right. An idea started to creep in, ‘To stand out and to be noticed, many critics rely on the idea that negativity is honesty.’.

We’ve all been seduced by this at some point. Many many reviewers have gained an audience and kept it by tearing works apart. The online world in particular flocks to this. We see negativity as a voice, shouting down the groupthink. Its a statement that “We are not going to be cowed by the fandom’s whims and so they got to deal with it!”

And it works. Even if people to agree to the negativity, they respond to it. The comment in defense of their favorite characters and episodes, they denounce the critic, and for some its enough to have that response and recognition. As the saying goes, “There’s no such thing as negative publicity.”.

But given enough time, does the same tactic work? If a critic is consistently negative, regardless of context, I think people begin to see the figure behind the curtain. At most, negativity can become a gimmick, while often its a method towards false confidence. That said, is positivity instant honesty?

 Not really. Unwillingness to criticize indicates that someone is starting with the assumption that the work is good and is going backward. There’s a sense that being a fan is taking priority over being honest. So where does the balance lie?

Personally, I dont think it has to do with a quota of positive vs negative comments or reviews. The real challenge is to show love for the art and the expression. If a piece doesn't work, if it fails to register, whats the counterbalance? Can you highlight a work that did the same attempt and succeeded? That’s offering genuine criticism. Because not only are you stating that something didn’t work, but you’re also helping people understand by providing a positive point of reference.

And by criticising what didn’t work, how much authority can a critic assume? Often times, a negative ‘critic’ will go after the artist more than the artwork. Telling them to keep their hobbies at home or to no inflict their failure on the community. In essence, they’re telling others to stop trying.

If there’s ever a warning light to tune someone out, its when they discourage future attempts. How does the ability to criticize translate into the authority to dictate terms? Attempting to sabotage a person’s efforts is suffocating. You’re drawing a line in the sand with no room for discussion or growth.

I get the sense that this wouldn’t really matter to someone who thrives off of that negativity, people who create cringe blogs, or people who just attack the artist because this isn't about dialogue or insight, its about them. By putting down someone else's work, they present the illusion of intelligence and insight without risk. 

“In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little, yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read.” - Anton Ego from Ratatouille

This leaves a question if time is currency, how much time should we invest in those who do not create? Being an accomplished artist isn’t a prerequisite for giving feedback. Its the old train of thought, “I dont have to be a chef to recognize a bad meal.”. But how much can this feedback benefit the process? Often times, we can find ourselves under a barrage of words that have an emotional impact but offer very little insight. Even the phrases that can sound positive, often times dont express why they like the piece.

The fact is, not all criticism is created equal. People who have never taken the risk, often lack the perspective to offer insight, so their feedback is often focused on their own entertainment. Yet audiences are vast and can have a diverse set of opinions, often contradictory, so it becomes a judgment call. Who offers the best and most insightful criticism, and who is just making demands?

The thing that kills me is that if I could challenge these so-called ‘critics’, I’m sure their response would be, “I’m just stating my opinion. Its not my fault if others are offended.”. I’ve seen this defense or excuse thrown up so many times, its become borderline comical. This avoidance of responsibility or any acknowledgment that the message didn’t reach the audience. What this message really means is a double standard. The person is saying, “I am not going to invest the time or energy to better craft a message that will reach my audience, yet I expect you to invest the time and energy to pay attention.”

The end result is that the only people who agree, are those who already shared the same mindset beforehand. Very rarely does this sway the opposing view or offer new ideas.

Once again, I’m drawn back to the idea that a negative review can be fun to watch/listen. We might enjoy a sense of validation, we can say “Hey, I’m not the only one who didn’t like that thing.” Yet even then, I cant just point at a reviewer and say, “I’m entertained.” or “This person and I dislike the same things and therefore, they must be good critics.” I find that the critics I go out of my way to watch, offer more than just entertainment.

When Linkara lays into the toxic message that is ‘Holly Terror’, he contrasted about how SuperHeroes can knights-errant, showing the best in kindness and decencyWhen Angry Joe went full fury over ‘Ride to Hell’, it wasn’t just about bad gameplay, he also denounced the insulting and juvenile approach towards women and sex.And when BennetTheSage reviewed the anime ‘Fooly Cooly’, he reflected on how our tastes change and evolve with time but that doesn't mean that our past enjoyment was meaningless.

Honestly, the best reviews and critics aren’t those who just pick something to pieces, they’re people who recognize that creativity is an expression of an idea, even if its not well represented. By drawing our attention to the ideas to get people thinking. Bonus points if you can enjoy a laugh along the way. Yet there will always be people who just want to tear others down, attack the artist, and just be overall negative without caring about others or their growth. Whenever you put your work out there, someone else will see it as an opportunity for their own advancement.

What I hope people will take away from this, is where to invest their time. To look at a critics commentary and ask, “Is there a genuine care for the idea or expression?” “Is there just some sort of entertainment value?” Is when I can get a sense that a person is just unfunny and wearing the facade of a critic, is when I say can say “I have a pretty limited amount of time, are you really worth the investment?”

Here’s hoping that you found this long long ‘essay’, worth your own time and that it could help bring a new view to things.

[marshmallow-fireside-keith]

I think op blocked me?? Or tumblr is bugging out. Either way Im gonna say my last bit:

Looks like op blocked me but just know that being silent on this issue, and not calling out the ship discourse is just as good as signing off it. As you have said before, if someone puts themself out there then they have the responsibility of doing so. As a proimenent voice in the meta and crit community I will say that yes, I hold you accountible and to a higher standard. As well as op of the post.

Your op post, even before the shipcourse, was upsetting because

1. It reframed Shiros trauma as HARSHER than many of us were thinking. We survivers and stans likely didnt think of this meta. We are hurting already and then to recieve this analysis, that in itself is good, is like getting stabbed. Its traumatizing to those of us already hurting

2. Knowing above, and again, I look up to your abilities as interpreting stories and symbols and nuance, and I do not for a second believe you are incapable of grasping this, leaving that post where it lay, much like canon did to us, with Shiros trauma open and theres no happy ending or closure or hope? Thats harsh at best, cruel at worst

3. You didnt have to bring up ship for it to feel that way. And I wasnt the only one to see it through this lense as evidenced by me not being first nor last to see this as having ship bias. Its lack of empathy to Shiro, while no real denouncing of Sendak and what did, just stating it like cold, hard (it was both of those things) facts made it feel very skewed toward shendak ship

4. At the person who thinks its ok to not be hurt by this post, that its somehow "anti" behavior to call out the fact that a ship thats abusive in canon not remaining in the designated space for people are shipping it, I ask you to think a little more on your behavior and how it affects other. Nobody is saying you cant like or write a ship. But ships dont exist in a vaccuum, as I KNOW you know, because you follow ptw and we have all seen and shared the same meta that breaks down story and implications, we are a community specifically around critical thinking and not letting media pretend it exists in a vaccuum, so I know that you understand the context of the ship. I know you do. You dont survive the critical community if you dont grasp thinking critically. So please for the love of God dont play dumb like you cant understand how your actions (bringing your ship outside of its space) would hurt people.

Any other people or community Id believe there were ignorance. But op your face on this platform is meta in the crit community. Youre (no pun intended) marketed that way. Its how youre seen on this platform. I know you know that theres context to all of this. I trust in your intelligence, emotional, social, and literal, that you understand the implications of this all.

“Here at Your New Master’s Bidding”

Before Season 3, I wrote a meta about Shiro’s lost year was tied to Sendak. 

As stated previously - Sendak chose not to kill Shiro in “Fall of the Castle of Lions” - 

- which was weird because Sendak has no problem ordering Pidge’s death by the end of the episode. 

Later in “Crystal Venom,” Sendak says he and Shiro are connected, “both part of the Galra Empire.” 

All right. This is a bit creepy. So what does Sendak exactly mean here? 

“Omega Shield” put a few things into perspective. 

Who else has been broken by the Galra Empire?

So how does Sendak know this? And how does Sendak know Shiro?

Who was Voltron’s “master” before Lotor? Um…no one? So, new question - 

Who was Shiro’s master? Sendak, it seems. 

And how did Sendak break Shiro?

Hm. This sounds familiar - 

Sounds like Sendak made threats against others and crushed Shiro until he either worked for him or Shiro did something for the empire.  

I guess we’ll find out soon. 

Sendak also doesn’t fire on Voltron in “Omega Shield,” but he does order his fleet to fire on the Black Lion in “Kral Zera.” So…it’s interesting to see how this develops.

[extraplanaire-blog]

BODY SLAMS IN HERE so the group chat was lit, we’re ridiculous and that brings us to THE ESSAY I WROTE A LONG TIME AGO NEVER POSTED AND REWROTE NOW for your edification and also because i will never get over how good and great the jolly duo teamwork is

JOLLY DUO IS A GOOD DUO STRATEGICALLY, A CITED ESSAY

Okay, let’s start this with the topic of ‘the jolly duo is an ideal combination, especially considering alternatives, and per canon is probably the strongest duo that the guild has’.

The last point is pretty easy to prove, actually-- The guild seems to work in duos frequently, with Twain and Fitzgerald teaming up (Twain covering the things Fitz can’t or that Fitz deems security risks re. Atsushi escaping), Fitzgerald and Alcott being the usual combination (power and strategy), Hawthorne and Mitchell (two people with similar abilities, kind of, in a master-apprentice relationship), and John and Lovecraft (A constant duo that, unlike the others, has absolutely no rank imbalance, they’re both fellowcraft).

The reason they’re paired together and not in the Hawmitch situation of a fellowcraft taking an apprentice is because clearly they work really well together. They’re the two that Fitzgerald sends on missions directly into Yokohama, to challenge the agency head-on, and Fitzgerald even says that “with abilities like yours, even if [attacking the secretaries] is a trap, you’ll be able to take care of it”. With that, it’s given that Fitzgerald places a high amount of faith in them, they’re very powerful for what the guild has, and they are expressly designed to be a team. They were never split up for the sake of apprenticeships, and they’re sent to do the most overtly offensive missions that the Guild sets out on (Q’s doll, the secretaries).

Fitzgerald and the Guild treat the jolly duo as a juggernaut, and that’s what they are.

They’re a team that’s designed to cover all of the guild’s bases, as much as possible. They’re not necessarily deadly, but they’re more than ready to become such, while at the same time they’re not limited to only being deadly.

There have been reasonable things pointed out, like they never fight in tandem and their abilities hold the same function of mid-distance offense (hentai team i mean what), but the reason this team functions so well is because those things are not hindrances and relate to how they are expected to deal with adversity.

The way the jolly duo is designed to work and the way it does work is: The Guild faces an adversary that could be dealt with in multiple ways, but the end goal isn’t necessarily death. Lovecraft and Steinbeck are sent to deal with isaid problem. Steinbeck is motivation and intelligence. John’s a smart kid, he knows how to deal with problems and with people. He’s cunning and he’s (superficially) friendly, if there’s a way to get around a conflict by disarming someone into being nice to him or by tricking them, he’ll probably find it. He’s better at acting the way people expect him to act, and he can understand situations quickly. Lovecraft is none of these, so Lovecraft has to rely on John for cues on how to act and what to do, because Lovecraft doesn’t understand strategy. Lovecraft also lacks any motivation of his own outside of a crisis, and without John prompting him to go around and do things, he’d likely become too anxious or lazy to function until the last possible minute. When they go to attack the ADA secretaries, Lovecraft clearly has nothing in mind, he doesn’t know if he’s supposed to attack, and he very pointedly asks John what the hell theyre doing.

 Lovecraft goes to John for what should we do before a fight has started, and John provides answers that Lovecraft consistently trusts and can rely on. He follows John’s orders very easily, immediately relaxing into “no one needs me and I don’t have to do anything, it’s fine” when John tells him that they’ll deal with the secretaries using the grapes alone. 

pictured: lovecraft not giving a single fuck about being in the middle of a kidnapping op because john says he’ll take care of it

Lovecraft has absolutely no problem following John’s orders (which is something that’s also valuable, considering it’s very likely that Lovecraft’s personality would clash with most of the other Guild members’ and he wouldn’t want to obey them as easily. He trusts John greatly and consistently follows his cues with no complaint or argument), and trusts him inherently as a reliable source of what-to-do. Regardless on what anyone thinks Lovecraft’s ability to form relationships with humans, friendly or otherwise, he clearly trusts John to make decisions.

In converse to that, Lovecraft is who the team relies on when strategy has failed and they need only destruction. Like Fitzgerald and Alcott, it’s a heavily time-reliant brains and brawn dichotomy. Lovecraft waits until John is incapacitated to attack every time he does attack because that’s his only role-- when strategy has failed, when there is no option but to clear the field and murder all those around, Lovecraft steps in. His ability is deadly, when he pulls it out it’s assumed that whoever’s attacking is going to die. John acts first in order to ideally minimize the casualties and provide the non-lethal force necessary in, say, kidnappings. Lovecraft is backup for when John fails, because after negotiations and trying to keep people alive fail, really, the only option for something as ruthless as the Guild (and John) is to kill. You can’t lose a negotiation with someone who’s dead. Lovecraft is the equivalent of an atomic bomb, he is only present in order to destroy and John is the one to decide when he will act, because John’s smart enough to do that. In the Grapes arc, when John’s tactics fail, Lovecraft pretty much immediately neutralizes Kunikida and Juni (ance he gets around to standing up) and also immediately assumes he should kill them (but, again, he checks with John first because he respects John as being in charge). Lovecraft’s backup insurance who acts more or less only when he has to, but when he does act it’s to land a decisive blow that John might not be able to.

Because they rely heavily on communication and taking turns, the jolly duo is a team that’s very heavily reliant on mutual trust and cooperation to work, and the fact that their team does work so well evidences that they’re close friends and they do trust each other (despite john not even knowing what lovecraft is lol).

And I mean, they’re friends, that much is directly stated in the anime (and john’s VA is having a very good time in steincraft city so they’re also [wink wink nudge nude] “friends”, if u put any stock in his opinion that john’s got a doki), and they’re very close friends because of how much John and Lovecraft rely on one another in order to function in the Guild.

And function in general life, if Lovecraft’s constant checking up on what John’s doing in order to pass off as normal and their constant companionship is any indicator. They’re the only two that haven’t functioned independently unless forced, and haven’t functioned independently in a battle whatsoever-- without Mitchell, Hawthorne is still comfortable allying with Dost, and brainwashed or otherwise he attacks on his own. When John’s alone, he won’t even directly challenge or alert Fitzgerald, or use his ability any more than passively. Which is likely related to strategy, but it’s still a point that John could have attacked Fitzgerald when he and Alcott were talking and probably done fine enough, since Fitz had little money and they were in a wooded area, but chose to bide his time. It’s either he wanted to try and see if Fitz was redeemable or he wasn’t used to starting a fight when someone didn’t have his back when things went wrong, or a mix.

They’re a very, very good team, they work well together, in and out of a fighting context. They are 

and it’s really unlikely that during the main guild arc, any of the other Guild teams would have approached them in power and efficacy

(IMO thats why they fought SKK, because theyre on par with SKK’s teamwork and why Lovecraft hasn’t come back to the plot yet, because with Lovecraft on John’s team, John would stop hesitating to act.)

like imagine SKK if skk didnt argue constantly and actually liked each other that’s the scale of good powerful teamwork we are talking here. their abilities aren’t necessarily complimentary, but they fill deficiencies that the other has and provide support that’s necessary to getting things done.

like u dont have to agree with me that they should hold hands and probably make out, but i do think u can’t really argue that they’re important to each other, they’re most definitely friends.

[camelsandfriends]

Someone asked for an explanation of the dynamics of between a pack of dogs with a wolf at a specific moment. I took the time to give them a thorough breakdown. The analysis being referenced is the above video. __________________________ __________________________

🔺 DhDeadMan 🔺

3:25 can you explain what happened there, i dont understand that behavior, why did they stop harassing Lorne after he went for that other dog? __________________________ __________________________

🔶   camelsandfriends  🔶

A breakdown of what happened at 3:25 Okay, this is going to be hard for me to explain from the point of viewing the previous behavior from the dogs as harassment, but let me know if it makes sense and I will try to be brief. They are not harassing the wolf. The wolf is actually dominating the dogs throughout the entire video. Go back to 1:18 and watch when I push his nose down while I'm talking. Lorne is trying to dominate me because he was already successful with the dogs. He was just going to jump on me and that's it- nothing exciting, but it's important to never allow even the slightest of escalation toward that thinking. By 1:20 I fully release his head and if you could see the whole thing you would probably not be able to tell, but it is not a simple matter of just dipping his nose down. Which I am barely touching him, but it with a certain intent and energy and at exact pressure points that Lorne understands that I am not going to play his game by his rules. He can run that by the dogs and humans can view it as harassment. But neither the dogs or the humans can see how manipulative and strategic the intelligence of wolves actually is. His thought process is at least ten steps ahead of whatever you are currently seeing. He is ridiculously intelligent. The dogs absolutely have no idea that he is about to bait them. Go to 1:22 and you can see how I spread out my fingers into pressure points around his head before releasing from the side of his face. It's nothing more than you would use to lightly pet a dog, but the timing and my focus in doing so, is all that is needed. At 1:26 I am rewarding his compliance by petting under his chin instead of over his eyes. This is a sign of respect for understanding of my needs (i. e. not wanting to play his weird ambush chase game right now). When you put your hand over or across the eyes of a predator their brain immediately triggers into a state of urgency. A cat will follow the sight-line of the movement or the shadow of it, if it's already passed. Dogs if sighthounds do the same. Wolves are critical thinkers and map the movement before it is completed. His compliance is not dominating his primal urge to react is what is called submission. By 1:45 Lorne is already bored with Ice Station Zebra (the black dog) doing the same repetitive lunge/snarl and is looking up at me to be more responsive. He wants a more competitive and worthy player for his wolf games. At 1:50 I realized five seconds ago that I needed to instruct him to do something because he is looking to me to get entertainment and he should not be constructing thoughts about my future well being, as he is a wolf and human skin tears easier. I tell him to sit down- not because I actually want him to sit, but to 'snap' his brain out of what he is thinking. He does snap out of it, but he does the opposite and goes 'up’. At 1:54 I apply pressure to his neck to tell him I really am not in the mood for weird chase ambush games right now. But before I fully release I grab his ear lightly and pull him forward. This is encouraging him back into active mood because I want to see how far he is going to take this before I step in to stop it. It is teasing him, basically. But it is important to test him, as he tests me all the time. At 2:00 I see that Lorne is not on the same page as me at all. He took the bait and is getting more hyped up. So I make it even more difficult to see where he is going to go by grabbing a toy off the ground and throwing it out. If he is diverted for the toy than he is not that interested in a power-play with me, but if he stays focused on my actions, than he has escalated the situation and wants me to ante up. At 2:05 he bites me and does not go for the toy. I put my fingers over his face again and push his noise seeing how far he is going to take this before I have to really step in and put the video camera down. He does not submit until 2:16, which is a considerable amount of time. The first sign is the rolling back of his eyes, but the more obvious one is the general lack of direction in what he's doing and his lip licking. At 2:18 Ice Station Zebra comes in like a trainwreck and jumps on Lorne's face and ends the series of escalations with neither Lorne or I making another move. Now we're en route to your 3:25. From 2:53 onward he is taking out his lack of ability to dominate me, but cleverly dominating the dogs by positioning himself as the innocent bystander not really wanting to get involved-- when in fact-- it was all his idea in the first place. Ice station Zebra is a complete idiot, so that is going to go on forever. Baladi is very motioned based, like most desert animals (shadows/sun). Sugar Tree knows what is up and is impressively smart like most Dobermans. She will stay in the back and cut through to the centre to get straight to Lorne out-thinking his own maneuvers. You can see Sugar Tree do it at 2:57. Unlike Ice Station Zebra, she stays behind and then cuts a diagonal line straight at Lorne, who again pretends like he is surprised by any of this. At 2:59 Sugar Tree is like, please don't bite my face. I'll try to come up with something better for next time, but she never does. And Ice Station Zebra appears to be in some sort of existential crisis. At 3:01 Sugar Tree has had enough and is actually attempting to dominate Lorne for the bite he just took at her. She is serious and not playing but hoping for it not to escalate past nips and topping him in short bursts. Okay I'm at 3:18 now and you can see Sugar Tree is holding back. This is incredible because it means that Sugar Tree understands timing so well, she is able to calculate speed ratios to perfectly cut Lorne off with minimal amount of effort. Diagonal she goes. Except this time she is not playing. She never fully got to put Lorne in his place in a game he created in his own head, so she is going to give him hell once she lazily makes her way across the gym to win-it without actually doing the laps. But she miscalculates. By about .25 of a second. At 3:25 she just narrowly misses grabbing Lorne by the throat and throwing him down. She kind of just plays it off as yeah I meant to just keep running in a random direction, but she does it well. Now the reason everything stopped at 3:25 should be obvious. It is probably the most interesting part of this video. It is essentially a three-dog pile-up because Sugar Tree couldn't exit the free-way properly, but basically everyone's expectations were suddenly short-lined. Sugar Tree wasn't playing. Lorne doesn't know how to play victim anymore now that Sugar Tree called the police and Baladi just wants to chase everything and is a feral pariah dog who's communication skills are so beyond the point of anything Lorne and Sugar Tree have come to terms with that Ice Station Zebra forgot to even exist to me for a second. At 3:27, just two seconds after the initial impact, they have all decided to just kind of play it cool and sort of do a cool pack run thing together. No one wanted to take this another step. Sugar Tree is the only one still on her guard, but the second she sees Lorne bite at Baladi's head, she is all about just going after Baladi now to cover up for her blunder roll over a few seconds ago. At 3:28 Lorne absolutely has no idea how much more he can gently chew at Baladi's face and make it look like what he always wanted and Ice Station Zebra is trying to figure out if his head is on Lorne's body or his own. And that is how the Titanic sunk. I mean, that is why everything broke apart at 3:25. I hope that helps.

[foursproutwealth-blog]

If You Don't Cultivate This One Trait Your Health and Business Will Suffer

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/wealth/if-you-dont-cultivate-this-one-trait-your-health-and-business-will-suffer/

If You Don't Cultivate This One Trait Your Health and Business Will Suffer

Emotional intelligence is not something somebody else was born with, it’s a skill caring leaders work to develop.

April 15, 2018 5 min read

Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

It’s amazing that even in 2018, many of us find it increasingly difficult to connect with ourselves, others around us and the ever dynamic world. Most times, it’s a struggle we’re unaware we’re constantly dealing with. I once had a colleague who got overtly sensitive when she was asked to pitch to clients at meetings. Public speaking wasn’t her strong suit, and our boss at the time couldn’t take any excuses. It affected her output and delayed her career progression in the firm simply because the boss wasn’t emotionally intuitive to put her in the right role.

Related: The Dangers of Being an Empathetic Leader

Needless to say, a very important factor at play in interpersonal communications and conflict resolution is emotional intelligence. EQ, as it’s commonly called, is the aspect of human intelligence that governs our ability to recognize our feelings, those of others and manage emotions. In other words, it constricts you to pay attention to your soft side and that of others — something my boss lacked at the time.

Interestingly, the smartest people don’t necessarily make the pool of successful people. I’ve realized that intellectual intelligence (IQ) is not enough to guarantee success. For a human resource fueled business to thrive and be sustainable, more attention must be placed on the soft side of the human capital. Thankfully, according to a research by CareerBuilders, more than one-third of employers are beginning to place more emphasis on hiring and promoting people with emotional intelligence, post recession.

In line with the dynamic demands of the workplace, I’ve learned a few ways EQ can play an almost more resounding role than IQ in increasing productivity.

1.  It affects physical health.

When your emotions are not properly managed, it is more likely to translate to stress, which is harmful for the engine on which your business runs — your body. You’ll be amazed at how much damage stress can cause. Uncontrolled stress creates a ripple effect that spans through high blood pressure, weak immune system, increased risks of heart attacks, infertility and more. Luckily, a better dose of emotional intelligence can diffuse the stress bomb.

2.  It affects mental health.

Four months before I resigned from my former place of work, I was constantly fighting bouts of depression. I was unsatisfied with the culture at my workplace. My boss constantly attacked my work. I was dealing with a heart break, and I completely lost the passion to add value to the firm. I had to learn to sieve out the toxic emotions, switch to a better job and surround myself with the positives. Sadly, 1 in 6 people experience varying degrees of depression, and it most often leads to anxiety.

Related: Find Your Why and Tell Your Story: Lessons for Budding Entrepreneurs From Gerard Adams

Research from World Health Organization (WHO) shows that 350 million people worldwide suffer from varying forms of depression, with women more likely to be diagnosed than men. With outcomes like these, it is expected that one’s relationships with others will be flawed and work output stunted. However, strategies that feature emotional intelligence have been known to improve mental health. 

3. It influences relationships.

With emotional intelligence being exercised in the work place, more respect is accorded to every colleague as their emotions are being carefully managed. Luckily, I groomed myself to manage my anger and not react aggressively when hurt, and that helped with communicating better with others. On the contrary, a lack of emotional intelligence will mean an utter disregard for the feelings of fellow workers and leads to a dearth in strong and meaningful relationships in the workplace.

With the continuous disruptions by new technology and innovations, EQ is becoming increasingly important. Not only will EQ help protect the business from potential risks, it will also to preserve personal relationships which may experience various kinds of hiccups, when effective communications become a chore.

4. It improves conflict resolution.

I once came across a Dale Carnegie quote which helped shape my perspective in interpersonal communications. He’s quoted as saying, “when dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotions, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”

In exercising emotional intelligence, we listen, talk and resolve conflicts in a more sensitive and productive manner.

Related: How Being ‘the Emotional Type’ Can Actually Help Your Entrepreneurial Career

5. It builds better leaders.

Emotional intelligence is widely known to be the key fabric of effective leadership. It contributes almost 80 percent of success rates, with IQ sitting at 20 percent. The ability to be perceptive and in tune with the emotions of the followers stems from a healthy dose of emotional intelligence. A leader who gives himself to this mode of thinking is more self-aware, self-managed, emphatic, better at managing relationships and communicates effectively.

Emotions are strong enough to get in the way or get you well on the way to success. Renowned psychologist Dr. Martyn Newman in an interview said, “the set of skills we need to meet business needs are rooted in our emotional and social behaviors, and studies also show that as you grow a culture of emotional intelligence in your organization, levels of absenteeism drop and engagement levels increase.”

Investing in EQ is guaranteed to yield you more committed employers and relationships, as most people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

[foursprout-blog]

If You Don't Cultivate This One Trait Your Health and Business Will Suffer

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/wealth/if-you-dont-cultivate-this-one-trait-your-health-and-business-will-suffer/

If You Don't Cultivate This One Trait Your Health and Business Will Suffer

Emotional intelligence is not something somebody else was born with, it’s a skill caring leaders work to develop.

April 15, 2018 5 min read

Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

It’s amazing that even in 2018, many of us find it increasingly difficult to connect with ourselves, others around us and the ever dynamic world. Most times, it’s a struggle we’re unaware we’re constantly dealing with. I once had a colleague who got overtly sensitive when she was asked to pitch to clients at meetings. Public speaking wasn’t her strong suit, and our boss at the time couldn’t take any excuses. It affected her output and delayed her career progression in the firm simply because the boss wasn’t emotionally intuitive to put her in the right role.

Related: The Dangers of Being an Empathetic Leader

Needless to say, a very important factor at play in interpersonal communications and conflict resolution is emotional intelligence. EQ, as it’s commonly called, is the aspect of human intelligence that governs our ability to recognize our feelings, those of others and manage emotions. In other words, it constricts you to pay attention to your soft side and that of others — something my boss lacked at the time.

Interestingly, the smartest people don’t necessarily make the pool of successful people. I’ve realized that intellectual intelligence (IQ) is not enough to guarantee success. For a human resource fueled business to thrive and be sustainable, more attention must be placed on the soft side of the human capital. Thankfully, according to a research by CareerBuilders, more than one-third of employers are beginning to place more emphasis on hiring and promoting people with emotional intelligence, post recession.

In line with the dynamic demands of the workplace, I’ve learned a few ways EQ can play an almost more resounding role than IQ in increasing productivity.

1.  It affects physical health.

When your emotions are not properly managed, it is more likely to translate to stress, which is harmful for the engine on which your business runs — your body. You’ll be amazed at how much damage stress can cause. Uncontrolled stress creates a ripple effect that spans through high blood pressure, weak immune system, increased risks of heart attacks, infertility and more. Luckily, a better dose of emotional intelligence can diffuse the stress bomb.

2.  It affects mental health.

Four months before I resigned from my former place of work, I was constantly fighting bouts of depression. I was unsatisfied with the culture at my workplace. My boss constantly attacked my work. I was dealing with a heart break, and I completely lost the passion to add value to the firm. I had to learn to sieve out the toxic emotions, switch to a better job and surround myself with the positives. Sadly, 1 in 6 people experience varying degrees of depression, and it most often leads to anxiety.

Related: Find Your Why and Tell Your Story: Lessons for Budding Entrepreneurs From Gerard Adams

Research from World Health Organization (WHO) shows that 350 million people worldwide suffer from varying forms of depression, with women more likely to be diagnosed than men. With outcomes like these, it is expected that one’s relationships with others will be flawed and work output stunted. However, strategies that feature emotional intelligence have been known to improve mental health. 

3. It influences relationships.

With emotional intelligence being exercised in the work place, more respect is accorded to every colleague as their emotions are being carefully managed. Luckily, I groomed myself to manage my anger and not react aggressively when hurt, and that helped with communicating better with others. On the contrary, a lack of emotional intelligence will mean an utter disregard for the feelings of fellow workers and leads to a dearth in strong and meaningful relationships in the workplace.

With the continuous disruptions by new technology and innovations, EQ is becoming increasingly important. Not only will EQ help protect the business from potential risks, it will also to preserve personal relationships which may experience various kinds of hiccups, when effective communications become a chore.

4. It improves conflict resolution.

I once came across a Dale Carnegie quote which helped shape my perspective in interpersonal communications. He’s quoted as saying, “when dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotions, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”

In exercising emotional intelligence, we listen, talk and resolve conflicts in a more sensitive and productive manner.

Related: How Being ‘the Emotional Type’ Can Actually Help Your Entrepreneurial Career

5. It builds better leaders.

Emotional intelligence is widely known to be the key fabric of effective leadership. It contributes almost 80 percent of success rates, with IQ sitting at 20 percent. The ability to be perceptive and in tune with the emotions of the followers stems from a healthy dose of emotional intelligence. A leader who gives himself to this mode of thinking is more self-aware, self-managed, emphatic, better at managing relationships and communicates effectively.

Emotions are strong enough to get in the way or get you well on the way to success. Renowned psychologist Dr. Martyn Newman in an interview said, “the set of skills we need to meet business needs are rooted in our emotional and social behaviors, and studies also show that as you grow a culture of emotional intelligence in your organization, levels of absenteeism drop and engagement levels increase.”

Investing in EQ is guaranteed to yield you more committed employers and relationships, as most people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

[the5thforce-blog]

Consciousness

The Naked ScientistsToggle navigation Messages * Profile Info Modify Profile Actions Show Posts This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to. Messages Topics Attachments Thanked Posts Posts Thanked By User Messages - the5thforce Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 7 1 Just Chat ! / Re: Politics « on: Today at 08:35:15 » In my opinion North Korea should be allowed to do whatever China allows them to do with one guarantee: equal nuclear capability or coverage provided by NATO for, in, and around South Korea and hopefully it will serve as the very last lesson on what happens when earlier prevention isnt engaged, NATO should also invest the size of North Koreas GDP into missile defense and get started on creating a new symbolic island near Hawaii armed shore to shore with a missile defense system potent enough to intimidate every nuclear armed country, investment into understanding aerodynamics and spatial tracking will be infinitely useful in the future ReplyQuoteNotifyRemove 2 Just Chat ! / Re: Politics « on: Today at 04:22:13 » National debt is an investment from mutually respecting countries, since the world is patiently keeping an eye on Trump to decide how functional social diversity can be we shouldnt oppose new debt to pay for advances in minimally hostile social organization which all countries can learn or benefit from, since diversity always requires compatibility to be more complex thus challenging and diversity for better and worse is already fundamentally our role in the world we need to consider how intriguing american history is compared to other countries, the story itself captures the globes attention, increased diversity and mass communication allows increased state autonomy with only the military force NATO needing to cooperate, military dense coastal states like California can easily leverage their importance within the N.A.T.O. above all Since communication and organization through space and time is all life can really ever attain, we need the media to reflect the majority of the population, very few are worried about the unhappiness of the small amount of gay males in every population because men are the most socially available, going forward we can only work to decrease the now shamelessly self proclaimed 30 percent of women in same sex relationships who can only bottleneck the emotional energy of the gender with on average 4 billion more light flashing reality perceiving neurons in their minds- eventually back down closer to the 1-2 percent of men in same sex relationships which we had before giving women citizenship, every heterosocial female convert from the now massive ~60% pool of bisexual females counts in this hole-y sexual war we've created in our largely post race-war society, only after sexual parity can we even begin to minimize them all back down to the lowest functional ratio where risking the birth of straight males into homosocial environments approaches absolute 0, due to analogous sex organs we can definitively say lesbians or deviant female organs serve as the placeholder for all homosexual genes, until the very last human couple in existence is the logically heteroswitching technological ideal that a naturally 50-50 gender parity species is intended to find most desireable ReplyQuoteNotifyRemove 3 Just Chat ! / Politics « on: Today at 02:46:25 » Since theres usually no way to deport every "illegal" immigrant in a country the best solution is better organization in the future without disrupting relatively functional low-hostility local social ecosystems, theres many ways to improve desireable organization both human and electronic "borders" including radar, camera and seismic to know who, second: physical indicators such as fences and walls to know where, third: communication such as multitranslated signs and minimally disruptive audio information systems similar to national parks and theme parks to know what, communication is the capability of all living organisms which is fundamentally electrically/light based, ideally all who are able to cross should be recognized as either sufficiently physically or mentally capable at the time of crossing to follow the social laws of the land, but all countries are ideally desireable to live in either way, education and potentially military service should be considered for those showing the ability to enter each new country Healthcare in the future will be universal once nuclear fusion becomes both efficiently reactor sustained and solar harvested, but before then a publicly funded healthcare system and a privately funded healthcare system oscillating and competing to advance the quality and affordability of healthcare is likely the best solution, since most countries already invest in public university operated healthcare these facilities should work to offer the most affordable care while the medical professionals gain enough skill and experience to advance to private universities and private hospitals where their experience and skill provides the incentive for patients to pay more for the care, public university hospitals should be required to create a waiting list for first come first serve free citizen healthcare near equal to public tax investment though of course with a small rake for the university's success, our new advantage is itself the infrastructure already in place Military technological investment is both the biggest driver of peaceful and hostile technological advancement, increased communication between both sides of the 'sword' is the only way towards useful progress, obviously in this age of diplomatic gentlemen we have the capability to thoroughly annihilate all life on earth, acknowledging and respecting regionally influential populatons builds trustworthy democracy ReplyQuoteNotify 4 New Theories / Re: What are the economics of sexual orientation? « on: 30/03/2017 21:44:27 » Since were all just the products of sex requiring opposite but analogous sex organs, homo'sex'uality even when caused by physical dysfunction is the definition of sexism or "sexiation", this disruption to social balance can only increase the probability of everyone elses innocent children getting abused and disrupting their development which has become the most vicious cycle that ever existed ultimately homosexuality is an intersex (spectrum) disruption of the human sexual goldilocks ratio which has the ability to occur in any energy self contained gender analogous organism particularly when accelerated by either radiation or sensory stimuli such as "hallucinations" or extrasubjective perception but eventually creating common understanding and universal morality which in our case is technologically assisted through our mastery of electricity powering the internet ReplyQuoteNotifyRemove 5 New Theories / Re: What are the economics of sexual orientation? « on: 30/03/2017 19:56:56 » Since humans evolved with a hymen the best way to nurture healthy energy-contributing (straight) females is education, good sex requires practice and understanding the clitoris-clitoral bulb trapdoor/displacement mechanism which provides stimulation during penetration, knowing and visualizing sex correctly would be required to maximize arrousal, adequate proper sex fine tunes the muscles of the vagina to prepare for childbirth minimizing pain and injury, obviously the body isnt developed until the end of puberty so practicing sex before the end of puberty is misguided and may interfere with development (15-17 plus giving psychological runway until 18 as western countries do), after proper education you can fetishize the motion of the clitoris tugging/bouncing to the cadence of penetration which cant be recreated with same sex contact, since humans do look similar homo'sex'uality has become the path of least resistence for some lacking proper education, while common metaphors and religion all aim to educate humans- for example putting your hands in a praying position and then curling or cupping your hands demonstrates the trapdoor mechanism, kingdoms or castles tend to have trapdoors, trap is all around, if our minds all use the same laws of physics our understanding of physics can only increase mental similarity which is morality Since we dont have unlimited resources including space and time, were eternally bound to energy economics which homosociality can only disrupt causing disorder and pathology, virtual reality will never equal the energy efficiency of baseline reality or interaction with other baseline minds which goldilocks/energy transfer thresholds infinitely prevent, sexually-reproductively functional physical/genetic/dna diversity is our only tool to resist radiation which is a fundamental property of energy ReplyQuoteNotifyRemove 6 New Theories / Re: Ethical consciousness « on: 30/03/2017 01:49:13 » Quote from: tkadm30 on 29/03/2017 23:34:07 Quote from: the5thforce on 22/03/2017 05:36:36 homo-sexuality is a contradiction, gays are asexual mutual masturbating victims of a radioactive mutation we can safely catagorize with decay and dysfunction... Please leave the gays and lesbians alone. Sexual orientation is free will in motion. There's no fundamental contradiction in accepting the fact that humans have free will. Your "ethical consciousness" seems a little lost or dysfunctional. Either ways, it's quite rude and foolish to label homosexuals as "asexual mutual masturbating victims". As a reminder, this is a science forum, not a scientology forum. I could never so long as gays continue to take the free will of children by artificially procreating and spreading their incompatible sex organs while the media continues promoting incoherent ideas of gender to children and ignoring the overwhelmingly female parity of same sex genital contact, while I sympathize with intersexuality or poorly fitting genitals, homo-"sex"uality is a contradiction which insults the intelligence of all who study anatomy, we evolved and are designed to enjoy heterosexuality primarily as the penis requires lubricant and the clitoral bulbs fill with blood during arrousal providing stimulating clitoral displacement during penetration ReplyQuoteNotifyRemove 7 Physiology & Medicine / Re: Did the vagina evolve to operate like a trapdoor? « on: 30/03/2017 00:48:38 » In short: penetration causes proportionate clitoral displacement ReplyQuoteNotifyRemove 8 New Theories / Pest control « on: 28/03/2017 19:17:41 » If we have to live with bugs anyway, in order to control which ones we live with we must plant the ones we want, bugs can be trained to avoid an area using physical discipline and scent, silverfish are slower thus easier to train and transport plus they blend in better while competing for the same food as roaches, if a building is infested with roaches undesireably we can introduce ants to remove roach eggs and excess resources then introduce silverfish to maintain the building. Spiders can also be used to remove undesired bugs but they may be too efficient at killing, we can also consider breeding or genetically engineering even more desireable bugs, ones that are multicolored, neon, glow in the dark or lightup like fireflies, but we should be careful not to disturb the ecosystem ReplyQuoteNotifyRemove 9 New Theories / Re: Multiverse gravity « on: 28/03/2017 18:16:51 » Aliens might be influencing the solar winds from our sun partially manipulating the organisms on earth, but gravity is superior and we all have free will ReplyQuoteNotifyRemove 10 New Theories / Re: Multiverse gravity « on: 28/03/2017 01:58:01 » Multiverse gravity may be considered influence from our creator, the ultimate boltzmann brain connected to everything, god The gravity between the competing infinities of simulations vs originals may potentially distort time allowing communication ReplyQuoteNotifyRemove 11 New Theories / Re: What are the economics of sexual orientation? « on: 28/03/2017 00:38:42 » Men are probably 'capable' of around 50,000 or more orgasms in an 80 year lifespan, after 2 weeks spontaneous ejaculation is likely but the tension can become uncomfortable so few wait- especially in our crowded society where casual interaction is expected. Since we can only create both males and females, parents should reflect offspring to avoid creating a social vacuum and acknowledge the massive responsibility male biological pressures are, the majority of men desire monogamy out of functionality as long term consistent sex with one woman is always more desireable than one easily forgotten night with even the most attractive which porn has decreased the value of while further reinforcing consistency as the highest priority. With 80% of divorces filed by women in western countries we should increase the incentive to stay together until each childs 18th year and realize life is exponentially more valuable before the end of brain development, especially going forward now that most of our problems only require engineering fusion, biology, software, environment, space all heavily assisted by computer simulations ReplyQuoteNotifyRemove 12 New Theories / Multiverse gravity « on: 25/03/2017 10:33:16 » The multiverse's gravity keeps it together in time which means consciousness is the center of a supersymmetric energy feedback loop where each moment is a superposition within infinity, spatial energy polarity like gender/charge, mass and color can be called supersymmetrical within the multiverse ReplyQuoteNotify 13 New Theories / Re: What are the economics of sexual orientation? « on: 25/03/2017 09:55:50 » For better and worse, female rape victims rarely become calculated motivated serial killers or world war dictators so we can safely say neglect and social isolation is infinitely more psychologically and socially damaging, clearly both are undesired but by nature inversely proportionate and reinforced by a lifelong victim mentality We need to establish permanently that the mission is superior, all enjoyable deviance equals someone elses misfortune ReplyQuoteNotifyRemove 14 New Theories / Re: DNA Pixelation « on: 25/03/2017 09:24:59 » Analogies and logic, were spatial holograms with the longest dna edit- google says theres a dna strand longer than human but human is likely longest atomically with the most overturn over 4 billion years ReplyQuoteNotifyRemove 15 New Theories / Re: DNA Pixelation « on: 25/03/2017 08:19:46 » High radiation has caused excess human gender variation, men are forced to resist the bad radiation ratio provided by our sun to ensure their decaying DNA survives We should identify the genetic ratio that would ensure the longest survival when deciding who can live on mars ReplyQuoteNotifyRemove 16 New Theories / Re: An essay in futility, too long to read :) « on: 25/03/2017 07:22:12 » Geographic manipulation of the population and prime numbers of pi causing gold influence ReplyQuoteNotify 17 New Theories / Re: Mind is the best virtual reality « on: 25/03/2017 06:41:54 » More neurons allows more memory which allows more consciousness- both emotion and intellect When language has divided human genders beyond compatibility, bigger minds can only be wasted spreading their light to machines and technology ReplyQuoteNotifyRemove 18 New Theories / DNA Pixelation « on: 25/03/2017 06:20:50 » Melanin preserves DNA density by blocking radiation, radiation causes mutation which inflates the DNA and decreases cellular density causing pixelation, racial mixing decreases excess genetic inflation which increases cellular density but also increases cellular malleability/adaptability which increases the risk of incompatibility when gone wrong, denser cells allow for more synapses and neurons, faster and denser muscle fibers, and more elasticity Inbreeding preserves desireable traits which increases compatibility but also increases DNA pixelation Pixelation allows lighter weight and requires less energy but decreases functionality ReplyQuoteNotify 19 New Theories / Re: Internet-DNA « on: 25/03/2017 04:05:32 » We can use the internet to reverse dna pixelation ReplyQuoteNotifyRemove 20 New Theories / Re: Sex is our primary function « on: 24/03/2017 14:20:25 » We need all the sexually compatible genetics we can sustain due to our decreasing ozone layer allowing more radiation into our atmosphere combined with satellite and wireless radiation rattling our DNA constantly which is accelerating human mutation along with all other organisms on earth ReplyQuoteNotifyRemove 21 New Theories / Re: Mind is the best virtual reality « on: 24/03/2017 13:33:43 » if we could design our own stem cells in our mind and release them to become any cell we could become shapeshifters ReplyQuoteNotifyRemove 22 New Theories / Re: Internet-DNA « on: 24/03/2017 01:31:08 » DNA is the longest living chemical reaction, the internet is a reflection of our DNA ReplyQuoteNotifyRemove 23 Physiology & Medicine / Re: Did the vagina evolve to operate like a trapdoor? « on: 24/03/2017 00:02:48 » Collagen promotes skin elasticity which can only be sufficiently consumed on high meat diets, veganism is creating less elastic females which may improve sex for some females but during pregnancy and puberty a diet high in collagen is necessary to minimize damage ReplyQuoteNotifyRemove 24 Physiology & Medicine / Re: Does benzodiazepine use cause brain damage long term? « on: 23/03/2017 23:23:55 » Benzos similar to weed inhibit memory formation, over time memory degrades if you dont use it but the altered states of memory were the desired result anyway Tranquilizers inhibit muscle formation over time and are known to cause heart attacks and other motor dysfunction Its safe to say memory (brain) inhibitors should treat mental problems and muscle inhibitors should tranquilize the moving problems ReplyQuoteNotify 25 Physiology & Medicine / Re: Mixing abilify and cannabis? « on: 23/03/2017 22:25:22 » Debilify the tranquilizer only serves to ensure your tolerance to the real medicine- benzos stays low enough to work when needed as a last resort Abilify costs 24usd per pill, benzos cost 00.02usd, the only problem with benzos is they work too well- they allow unhappy people to finally pull the plug without anxiety and usually without a fuss Tranquilizers known to cause heart attacks and other muscle disorders need to be the last resort while benzos should be available in every convenience store ReplyQuoteNotify Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 7 SMF 2.0.13 | SMF © 2016, Simple Machines Enotify by CreateAForum.com SMFAds for Free Forums Naked Science Forum © Page created in 0.067 seconds with 71 queries. Podcasts Articles Get Naked About Contact us Advertise Privacy Policy Subscribe to newsletter We love feedback Follow us ©The Naked Scientists® 2000–2017 | The Naked Scientists® and Naked Science® are registered trademarks created by Dr Chris Smith. Information presented on this website is the opinion of the individual contributors and does not reflect the general views of the administrators, editors, moderators, sponsors, Cambridge University or the public at large.

[viralhottopics]

15 Important Life Skills Kids Should Be Taught By The Time Theyre 15

As parents, caregivers, and teachers, it’s only natural that we want to protect and help our children in order to make their experiences in life as painless and enjoyable as possible. Whether they’re 5 months, 5 years, or 15 years old, we want to spare our precious little people from hurt and protect them from difficulties we may have experienced at their age.

Yes, we have the very best of intentions, but when we over-parent, we leave our kids unready for the world and life as adults. If you shelter your child up until they move out into their own apartment or college dorm, they will end up bewildered out in the real world… so it is extremely important that we teach our children the skills to grow into strong, respectful, self-reliant, and successful adults.

Not sure where to start? Here are 15 life skills I taught my own son by the time he turned 15:

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1. Basic financial management

Start with the simple and very necessary skill of budgeting and making personal financial decisions. Once your child is old enough to earn an allowance, theyre old enough to begin picking up financial skills. This is a good time to teach them to wait before they buy something and to know the difference between wants and needs. Teach them to comparison shop when youre at the store or shopping online together. Teens can start learning about building credit and investing in a Roth IRA from summer jobs.

2. Wake themselves up on time

A child entering high school should be able to wake themselves up, get washed, and dressed in clean clothes — on time. I admit, I’m guilty of being my son’s alarm clock, but after several weeks of rushing breakfast and being late for his classes, I put my foot down when I realized all I was teaching him was, “I’ll always be here to wake you up, have food ready for you, and get you in class on time no matter what.” Maybe it was OK when he was 7, but 15? Let alone 18? Nope.

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3. Taking care of another life

Being responsible for a pet is a wonderful way to teach children how to respect, value, and care for another life. But before leaving a child responsible for animals such as a cat or a dog, it’s a good idea to start smaller like with a goldfish or gerbil. Younger children can begin learning this responsibility by taking care of small plants and regularly watering and re-potting when necessary. Learning to get along with and look out for siblings and friends will help your child grow in this area as well!

4. Personal communication skills

Our children currently live in a world of silent communication. Complete conversations take place over text, email, social media posts, etc., so it’s up to us to verbally engage and connect with our kids. Encourage them to practice personal communication skills with friends from school, employees at the supermarket, kids from their extracurricular activities, and others with whom they see in real life.” Teach them to effectively and respectfully articulate their thoughts and feelings and encourage them to practice painting a clear picture of what they are trying to communicate.

5. Advocate for themselves

Kids need to know that they have the right to let their voices be heard, but in the right way. Teach your child how to have a conversation with an authority figure and to advocate for themselves. For example, if they disagree with a grade received at school, encourage them to speak to their teacher respectfully and ask for clarification or a chance to make corrections. Let them know you have confidence in their abilities and offer to practice the conversation with them.

It is also critical to prepare your child to really listen to what the other person says and understand they may not get the outcome they want. This will help teach them that even though not everything in life will always go their way, they can use the information gained from this direct exchange to increase theire chances of success in the future — an important ingredient in strengthening their coping and recovery skills.

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6. Emotional awareness/intelligence

Teaching your child to understand and manage their emotions, stress, and anxiety is a very necessary skill (many adults lack this). Encouraging your child to accept her emotions including anger, sadness, disappointment, and frustration as normal, will help her respond to these feelings in a healthier, more effective and confident manner. This skill can very well prevent her from breaking down at the first sign of negative feelings because she will be empowered with the understanding that not feeling happy does not always mean there is something wrong with her and feeling sad isn’t a sign of weakness.

7. Take responsibility for their own thoughts and actions

With finger pointing and victim mentality becoming more common, it is important to help kids understand that they have the power to choose and the responsibility to own up to their own thoughts, feelings, and actions. It is just as important to teach children that they are not responsible for another person’s thoughts and actions, and how to set and maintain their personal boundaries.

8. Digital etiquette

We must teach our children internet kindness, selfie regulation, and the dangers of social over sharing and bullying. Help our kids understand that even though communication from behind a computer of smart-phone screen may feel impersonal, they must strive to treat everyone — including themselves — with respect. Respect for others results in kindness. Respect for oneself results in self-worth.

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9. Basics of cooking & doing laundry

High school age children should be able to prepare simple meals and feed themselves if necessary. Soups, pastas, omelettes, salads, and sandwiches are some examples of simple meals that can be prepared quickly. If you get hit with the flu and don’t have the strength to drag yourself out of bed, you want to know your 15 year old can make breakfast, pack his lunch, and/or make dinner (and hopefully prepare something yummy for you too)!

As for laundry, I don’t mind doing my son’s wash, but like the example above, if I’m sick in bed and he urgently needs something washed for the next day, 15 is a mighty good age to take care of that himself. Even your five year old can begin helping with the laundry by folding towels and putting their own clothes away until they’re old enough to do their own wash.

10. Pitch in

Teach your child how to contribute for the betterment of the whole — whether it’s helping a sibling with their chores when they notice they’re having a rough day or donating clothes they no longer wear to charity. This helps them get out of the “all about me” mindset and appreciate and value what they can offer to improve and strengthen causes outside of themselves. Also a great lesson in kindness and empathy!

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11. Talk to strangers

We protect our children by teaching them not to talk to strangers. However, middle school children should be taught how to discern the suspicious strangers from “normal” everyday strangers to help keep them from being fearful of all people they do not know. For example, with you close-by, allow your child to ask a worker at the grocery store where an item can be found or instruct your child to go to the restaurant counter and ask for extra napkins. This will give them a feel for the type of people they can approach with questions and in case of emergencies.

Just for the record I still stand by the rule of, “Never open the door to strangers.” That one will never change.

12. Forgive and let go

Teach kids to resolve disagreements peacefully by keeping a level head during arguments. Encourage your children to focus on the problem and not the person, to make it easier to control heated emotions.

It’s just as important to teach children to apologize when they are wrong. Everyone makes mistakes. There is no shame in asking for forgiveness and in forgiving others. In fact, apologizing and forgiving others takes courage!

And finally, children need to learn that whileforgiveness is an act of compassion, its also the key to set themselves free from pain caused by another person, and having the freedom to move forward in a more positive direction. After all, holding grudges only hurts the one holding it!

13. Show up and work

While showing up is the first step to reaching a goal, children must learn the importance of putting in the work to actually achieve the goal. Remember that unearned rewards set children up to expect a win just for showing up, resulting in entitlement.

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14. Time management

Learning how to stay organized, on task, and productive is something everyone will need. Knowing how to effectively manage your time will also help prevent unnecessary stress and anxiety while helping boost self confidence and the feeling of accomplishment. Kids need to master this early so they dont suffer the consequences as adults.

15. Identify and solve problems

Teach children that while life isnt always easy, they have the knowledge, skills, resources, and support to get them through anything. Show them that mistakes and failures are not absolute, and there is always another way to succeed as long as they keep learning, improving, and trying. When children learn to be proactive in finding a solution, it will help prevent them from falling into victim mentality and greatly increase self confidence!

For more fromCarmen Sakurai, visit her blogNinja Mom Diariesand herFacebookpage.

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[viralhottopics]

George Saunders: what writers really do when they write

A series of instincts, thousands of tiny adjustments, hundreds of drafts What is the mysterious process writers go through to get an idea on to the page?

1

Many years ago, during a visit to Washington DC, my wifes cousin pointed out to us a crypt on a hill and mentioned that, in 1862, while Abraham Lincoln was president, his beloved son, Willie, died, and was temporarily interred in that crypt, and that the grief-stricken Lincoln had, according to the newspapers of the day, entered the crypt on several occasions to hold the boys body. An image spontaneously leapt into my mind a melding of the Lincoln Memorial and the Piet. I carried that image around for the next 20-odd years, too scared to try something that seemed so profound, and then finally, in 2012, noticing that I wasnt getting any younger, not wanting to be the guy whose own gravestone would read Afraid to Embark on Scary Artistic Project He Desperately Longed to Attempt, decided to take a run at it, in exploratory fashion, no commitments. My novel, Lincoln in the Bardo, is the result of that attempt, and now I find myself in the familiar writerly fix of trying to talk about that process as if I were in control of it.

We often discuss art this way: the artist had something he wanted to express, and then he just, you know expressed it. We buy into some version of the intentional fallacy: the notion that art is about having a clear-cut intention and then confidently executing same.

The actual process, in my experience, is much more mysterious and more of a pain in the ass to discuss truthfully.

2

A guy (Stan) constructs a model railroad town in his basement. Stan acquires a small hobo, places him under a plastic railroad bridge, near that fake campfire, then notices hes arranged his hobo into a certain posture the hobo seems to be gazing back at the town. Why is he looking over there? At that little blue Victorian house? Stan notes a plastic woman in the window, then turns her a little, so shes gazing out. Over at the railroad bridge, actually. Huh. Suddenly, Stan has made a love story. Oh, why cant they be together? If only Little Jack would just go home. To his wife. To Linda.

What did Stan (the artist) just do? Well, first, surveying his little domain, he noticed which way his hobo was looking. Then he chose to change that little universe, by turning the plastic woman. Now, Stan didnt exactly decide to turn her. It might be more accurate to say that it occurred to him to do so; in a split-second, with no accompanying language, except maybe a very quiet internal Yes.

He just liked it better that way, for reasons he couldnt articulate, and before hed had the time or inclination to articulate them.

An artist works outside the realm of strict logic. Simply knowing ones intention and then executing it does not make good art. Artists know this. According to Donald Barthelme: The writer is that person who, embarking upon her task, does not know what to do. Gerald Stern put it this way: If you start out to write a poem about two dogs fucking, and you write a poem about two dogs fucking then you wrote a poem about two dogs fucking. Einstein, always the smarty-pants, outdid them both: No worthy problem is ever solved in the plane of its original conception.

How, then, to proceed? My method is: I imagine a meter mounted in my forehead, with P on this side (Positive) and N on this side (Negative). I try to read what Ive written uninflectedly, the way a first-time reader might (without hope and without despair). Wheres the needle? Accept the result without whining. Then edit, so as to move the needle into the P zone. Enact a repetitive, obsessive, iterative application of preference: watch the needle, adjust the prose, watch the needle, adjust the prose (rinse, lather, repeat), through (sometimes) hundreds of drafts. Like a cruise ship slowly turning, the story will start to alter course via those thousands of incremental adjustments.

The artist, in this model, is like the optometrist, always asking: Is it better like this? Or like this?

The interesting thing, in my experience, is that the result of this laborious and slightly obsessive process is a story that is better than I am in real life funnier, kinder, less full of crap, more empathetic, with a clearer sense of virtue, both wiser and more entertaining.

And what a pleasure that is; to be, on the page, less of a dope than usual.

3

Revising by the method described is a form of increasing the ambient intelligence of a piece of writing. This, in turn, communicates a sense of respect for your reader. As text is revised, it becomes more specific and embodied in the particular. It becomes more sane. It becomes less hyperbolic, sentimental, and misleading. It loses its ability to create a propagandistic fog. Falsehoods get squeezed out of it, lazy assertions stand up, naked and blushing, and rush out of the room.

Is any of this relevant to our current political moment?

Hoo, boy.

When I write, Bob was an asshole, and then, feeling this perhaps somewhat lacking in specificity, revise it to read, Bob snapped impatiently at the barista, then ask myself, seeking yet more specificity, why Bob might have done that, and revise to, Bob snapped impatiently at the young barista, who reminded him of his dead wife, and then pause and add, who he missed so much, especially now, at Christmas, I didnt make that series of changes because I wanted the story to be more compassionate. I did it because I wanted it to be less lame.

But it is more compassionate. Bob has gone from pure asshole to grieving widower, so overcome with grief that he has behaved ungraciously to a young person, to whom, normally, he would have been nice. Bob has changed. He started out a cartoon, on which we could heap scorn, but now he is closer to me, on a different day.

How was this done? Via pursuit of specificity. I turned my attention to Bob and, under the pressure of trying not to suck, my prose moved in the direction of specificity, and in the process my gaze became more loving toward him (ie, more gentle, nuanced, complex), and you, dear reader, witnessing my gaze become more loving, might have found your own gaze becoming slightly more loving, and together (the two of us, assisted by that imaginary grouch) reminded ourselves that it is possible for ones gaze to become more loving.

Or we could just stick with Bob was an asshole, and post it, and wait for the likes, and for the pro-Bob forces to rally, and the anti-barista trolls to anonymously weigh in but, meanwhile, theres poor Bob, grieving and misunderstood, and theres our poor abused barista, feeling crappy and not exactly knowing why, incrementally more convinced that the world is irrationally cruel.

Illustration by Yann Kebbi for Review

4

What does an artist do, mostly? She tweaks that which shes already done. There are those moments when we sit before a blank page, but mostly were adjusting that which is already there. The writer revises, the painter touches up, the director edits, the musician overdubs. I write, Jane came into the room and sat down on the blue couch, read that, wince, cross out came into the room and down and blue (Why does she have to come into the room? Can someone sit UP on a couch? Why do we care if its blue?) and the sentence becomes Jane sat on the couch and suddenly, its better (Hemingwayesque, even!), although why is it meaningful for Jane to sit on a couch? Do we really need that? And soon we have arrived, simply, at Jane, which at least doesnt suck, and has the virtue of brevity.

But why did I make those changes? On what basis?

On the basis that, if its better this new way for me, over here, now, it will be better for you, later, over there, when you read it. When I pull on this rope here, you lurch forward over there.

This is a hopeful notion, because it implies that our minds are built on common architecture that whatever is present in me might also be present in you. I might be a 19th-century Russian count, you a part-time Walmart clerk in 2017, in Boise, Idaho, but when you start crying at the end of my (Tolstoys) story Master and Man, you have proved that we have something in common, communicable across language and miles and time, and despite the fact that one of us is dead.

Another reason youre crying: youve just realised that Tolstoy thought well of you he believed that his own notions about life here on earth would be discernible to you, and would move you.

Tolstoy imagined you generously, you rose to the occasion.

We often think that the empathetic function in fiction is accomplished via the writers relation to his characters, but its also accomplished via the writers relation to his reader. You make a rarefied place (rarefied in language, in form; perfected in many inarticulable beauties the way two scenes abut; a certain formal device that self-escalates; the perfect place at which a chapter cuts off); and then welcome the reader in. She cant believe that you believe in her that much; that you are so confident that the subtle nuances of the place will speak to her; she is flattered. And they do speak to her. This mode of revision, then, is ultimately about imagining that your reader is as humane, bright, witty, experienced and well intentioned as you, and that, to communicate intimately with her, you have to maintain the state, through revision, of generously imagining her. You revise your reader up, in your imagination, with every pass. You keep saying to yourself: No, shes smarter than that. Dont dishonour her with that lazy prose or that easy notion.

And in revising your reader up, you revise yourself up too.

5

I had written short stories by this method for the last 20 years, always assuming that an entirely new method (more planning, more overt intention, big messy charts, elaborate systems of numerology underlying the letters in the characters names, say) would be required for a novel. But, no. My novel proceeded by essentially the same principles as my stories always have: somehow get to the writing desk, read what youve got so far, watch that forehead needle, adjust accordingly. The whole thing was being done on a slightly larger frame, admittedly, but there was a moment when I finally realised that, if one is going to do something artistically intense at 55 years old, he is probably going to use the same skills hes been obsessively honing all of those years; the trick might be to destabilise oneself enough that the skills come to the table fresh-eyed and a little confused. A bandleader used to working with three accordionists is granted a symphony orchestra; what hes been developing all of those years, he may find, runs deeper than mere instrumentation his take on melody and harmony should be transferable to this new group, and he might even find himself looking anew at himself, so to speak: reinvigorated by his own sudden strangeness in that new domain.

It was as if, over the years, Id become adept at setting up tents and then a very large tent showed up: bigger frame, more fabric, same procedure. Or, to be more precise (yet stay within my temporary housing motif): it was as if Id spent my life designing custom yurts and then got a commission to build a mansion. At first I thought Not sure I can do that. But then it occurred to me that a mansion of sorts might be constructed from a series of connected yurts each small unit built by the usual rules of construction, their interconnection creating new opportunities for beauty.

6

Any work of art quickly reveals itself to be a linked system of problems. A book has personality, and personality, as anyone burdened with one will attest, is a mixed blessing. This guy has great energy but never sits still. This girl is sensitive maybe too much; she weeps when the wrong type of pasta is served. Almost from the first paragraph, the writer becomes aware that a works strengths and weaknesses are bound together, and that, sadly, his great idea has baggage.

For example: I loved the idea of Lincoln, alone at night in the graveyard. But how is a novel made from one guy in a graveyard at night? Unless we want to write a 300-page monologue in the voice of Lincoln (Four score and seven minutes ago, I did enter this ghastly place) or inject a really long-winded and omniscient gravedigger into the book (we dont, trust me, I tried), we need some other presences there in the graveyard. Is this a problem? Well, it sure felt like one, back in 2012. But, as new age gurus are always assuring us, a problem is actually an opportunity. In art, this is true. The reader will sense the impending problem at about the same moment the writer does, and part of what we call artistic satisfaction is the readers feeling that just the right cavalry has arrived, at just the right moment. Another wave of artistic satisfaction occurs if she feels that the cavalry is not only arriving efficiently, but is a cool, interesting cavalry, ie, is an opportunity for added fun/beauty a broadening-out of the aesthetic terms.

In this case, the solution was pretty simple contained, joke-like, in the very statement of the problem (Who else might be in a graveyard late at night?).

I remembered an earlier, abandoned novel, set in a New York State graveyard that featured wait for it talking ghosts. I also remembered a conversation with a brilliant former student of mine, who said that if I ever wrote a novel, it should be a series of monologues, as in a story of mine called Four Institutional Monologues.

So: the book would be narrated by a group of monologuing ghosts stuck in that graveyard.

And suddenly what was a problem really did become an opportunity: someone who loves doing voices, and thinking about death, now had the opportunity to spend four years trying to make a group of talking ghosts be charming, spooky, substantial, moving, and, well, human.

There is something wonderful in feeling the presence of the writer within you, of something wilful that seems to have a plan George Saunders. Photograph: Tim Knox for the Guardian

7

A work of fiction can be understood as a three-beat movement: a juggler gathers bowling pins; throws them in the air; catches them. This intuitive approach Ive been discussing is most essential, I think, during the first phase: the gathering of the pins. This gathering phase really is: conjuring up the pins. Somehow the best pins are the ones made inadvertently, through this system of radical, iterative preference Ive described. Concentrating on the line-to-line sound of the prose, or some matter of internal logic, or describing a certain swath of nature in the most evocative way (that is, by doing whatever gives us delight, and about which we have a strong opinion), we suddenly find that weve made a pin. Which pin? Better not to name it. To name it is to reduce it. Often pin exists simply as some form of imperative, or a thing about which were curious; a threat, a promise, a pattern, a vow we feel must soon be broken. Scrooge says it would be best if Tiny Tim died and eliminated the surplus population; Romeo loves Juliet; Akaky Akakievich needs a new overcoat; Gatsby really wants Daisy. (The colour grey keeps showing up; everything that occurs in the story does so in pairs.)

Then: up go the pins. The reader knows they are up there and waits for them to come down and be caught. If they dont come down (Romeo decides not to date Juliet after all, but to go to law school; the weather in St Petersburg suddenly gets tropical, and the overcoat will not be needed; Gatsby sours on Daisy, falls for Betty; the writer seems to have forgotten about his grey motif) the reader cries foul, and her forehead needle plummets into the N zone and she throws down the book and wanders away to get on to Facebook, or rob a store.

The writer, having tossed up some suitably interesting pins, knows they have to come down, and, in my experience, the greatest pleasure in writing fiction is when they come down in a surprising way that conveys more and better meaning than youd had any idea was possible. One of the new pleasures I experienced writing this, my first novel, was simply that the pins were more numerous, stayed in the air longer, and landed in ways that were more unforeseen and complexly instructive to me than has happened in shorter works.

Without giving anything away, let me say this: I made a bunch of ghosts. They were sort of cynical; they were stuck in this realm, called the bardo (from the Tibetan notion of a sort of transitional purgatory between rebirths), stuck because theyd been unhappy or unsatisfied in life. The greatest part of their penance is that they feel utterly inessential incapable of influencing the living. Enter Willie Lincoln, just dead, in imminent danger (children dont fare well in that realm). In the last third of the book, the bowling pins started raining down. Certain decisions Id made early on forced certain actions to fulfilment. The rules of the universe created certain compulsions, as did the formal and structural conventions Id put in motion. Slowly, without any volition from me (I was, always, focused on my forehead needle), the characters started to do certain things, each on his or her own, the sum total of which resulted, in the end, in a broad, cooperative pattern that seemed to be arguing for what Id call a viral theory of goodness. All of these imaginary beings started working together, without me having decided they should do so (each simply doing that which produced the best prose), and they were, it seemed, working together to save young Willie Lincoln, in a complex pattern seemingly being dictated from elsewhere. (It wasnt me, it was them.)

Something like this had happened in stories before, but never on this scale, and never so unrelated to my intention. It was a beautiful, mysterious experience and I find myself craving it while, at the same time, flinching at the thousands of hours of work it will take to set such a machine in motion again.

Why do I feel this to be a hopeful thing? The way this pattern thrillingly completed itself? It may just be almost surely is a feature of the brain, the byproduct of any rigorous, iterative engagement in a thought system. But there is something wonderful in watching a figure emerge from the stone unsummoned, feeling the presence of something within you, the writer, and also beyond you something consistent, wilful, and benevolent, that seems to have a plan, which seems to be: to lead you to your own higher ground.

Lincoln in the Bardo is published by Bloomsbury. To order a copy for 14.24 (RRP 18.99) go to bookshop.theguardian.com or call 0330 333 6846. Free UK p&p over 10, online orders only. Phone orders min p&p of 1.99.

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from George Saunders: what writers really do when they write