#I don't know how to make an under cut so apologies if your scrolling through too much

[themsthenow]

Ok so this is kinda a tutorial but not really cause I don't recommend doing some of the things I did, cause it's not safe.

The pic on the right is 1 out of 12 thingys I cut out of ply wood

I used a saw to cut them out.

you could probably just use something slightly wider than a regular lollipop stick to get the overhang , like the free wooden utensils at a cafés.

You'll probably need 2 or 3 if so for each finger joint

The claws were cut out of some board I found in my house, but a clipboard should probably work, maybe double up just incase idk.

I don't recommend getting a knife and hammering out the outline of each individual claw thing, a scissors should hopefully be enough.

I dont have a photos of:

1. drilling holes into each end of all of the stick joints(the black dots were holes I burned, until my wood burner died, they're also held together with bent nails)

2. Cutting out the board for the palm part where my hand is

3. Taking a bunch of clothes pegs for the springs to attach the fingers to said palm board using a long piece of metal? To hold it like the bent nails, you could probably just use a skewer

4. Tying wires like a cm apart from the drilled holes(you can't really see it in the image) to thread string through, so it can move the joints when pulled, you can see the twisted part on the outside of the finger joints, once they're tight just flatten them into the joint and put hot glue over them so they don't catch on anything like your clothes or skin

5. Gluing a foam sheet and elastic band to the palm board

6. Gluing the half pegs on to the outside of each of the finger joints so they don't go backwards

I added another Layer of foam to the board to cover the elastic and the painted them.

There was a lot of trial and error (and hot glue) trying to get these things to not overlap when moving them but they work now

Hopefully this helps someone somehow, be careful and stuff

Each finger joint was made with 2 lollipop sticks and 1 ply wood cut out thing, with the ply wood thing hany out . The holes were put in at both ends

The wires on the joints can be any type, I think, as long as its sticks

The claws and hand board can be made out of layered clipboard(probably)

I used acrylic paint, idk if it matters though

When drilling or burning the hole be careful, for both your safety and not breaking the lollipop sticks

Idk if the bent nails could be replaced with anything. Wooden skewers?

The thread I used is actually fishing wire because it's thin, strong and passes smoothly between the joints

Soo for 2 hands

Lollipop sticks x 24, bring spares

Ply wood cut outs/ an alternative x12

Clipboard board cut outs of claws x6

Pully wire /fishing wire

Craft Foam x1 sheet

Clothes pegs x12

Nails /an alternative x12

A bit of elastic fabric

Paint

A glue gun with lots of glue sticks

A SAFE way to cut out everything

A SAFE way to drill the holes

[jingler]

Wizard101 Pov: you're scrolling on spiralblr some point around arc 2

0 notes

👀 lail-brighteyes Follow

I'm never going on a field trip again THEY PUT ME IN A FUCKIBG ZOO

🌈 gayrizzleheim Follow

A field trip to a zoo doesn't seem too bad??

👀 lail-brighteyes Follow

No you misheard me. I'm not at the zoo, I'm in the zoo. As in, I'm in one of the cages and people are taking pictures of me.

35 notes

🏡 chillin-like-a-titon Follow

Can there stop being attacks on the spiral for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES????

140.1k notes

✅️ wiz-polls-daily Follow

8,341 notes

🪦 is-malistaire-dead-yet Follow

YES.

🪦 is-malistaire-dead-yet Follow

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

33.2k notes

🌋 spawnofhellhound Follow

Idk if I'm just dumb but I truly don't understand colonization in the spiral. Like you travel through time and space and through the stars and find an entirely different world doing just fine and you say, "that's mine now" ???????

🕶 beyondbonetts-deactivated

spiralblr simplifying and overexageratting other worlds' problems. why am I not surprised.

🐠 luckyhooker Follow

🕶 beyondbonetts-deactivated

NOT WHAT WE'RE CALLED

12.3k notes

⚰️ wolf-deathsinger Follow

stopped by the back of ravenwood for the first time in a while and malorn ashthorn was there still lmao I guess it makes sense for the younger students to be taught there so they don't have to go all the way to nightside but what a flashback

☠️ malice-and-ash Follow

If you think I'm mentally prepared to take on the real world after Ravenswood you got another thing coming. I'm guarding that pit til I die.

⚰️ wolf-deathsinger Follow

ok first of all didnt know you have spiralblr hi second of all does....does ambrose know you're still squatting there teaching the younger students?

☠️ malice-and-ash Follow

Titan knows. I don't think that man leaves his office. I get a sack of gold each month but I think gamma is in charge of finance.

🧙‍♂️ wizardstrong456 Follow

The owl? That's why my student loans got fucked up 🤦‍♂️

🪸 coral-oceanswimmer Follow

ew, what is a specieist doing here

99 notes

🕶 beyondbonetts-deactivated

I am sick and tired of all you pretend activists calling me marleyboner. It's literally a slur. Idc if you think it's funny to shit on worlds you deem ~problematic~ but disrespecting an entire world's name like that is unacceptable.

🪩 spiral-gayte Follow

this you?

👑 amul3twh0re Follow

i love posts where you can see exactly why the op is deactivated

30.4k notes

🦀 underdaseamen Follow

listen i have nothing against wizards visiting celestia but if you do can you please use a mount that makes sense for the area. yall have no idea how terrifying it is when you leave your house with your crab friends and a fucking horse starts swimming toward you.

6 notes

🐷 randolf-spellshine Follow

about to go fight this wizard in the spiral cup ill post the video later

🐷 randolf-spellshine Follow

i got my ass beat bruh im not posting that shit

1,243 notes

🦡 baddestbadger-inavalon Follow

4,371 notes

🦋 ladyorielfan23 Follow

Why we should have expected the y**ng w*z*rd destroying Azteca (part 1)

yw crit under the cut

i have to put something here but i do not have the energy to write an entire essay from ladyorielfan23's perspective so imagine a super angry rant here about how problematic the young wizard is omg why would you say that ladyorielfan23 also my apologies for fucking up the lore in the last dashboard simulator i have no idea what this game's plot is

[miifu666]

Yandere isekai! Alpha!

Who you met during your mindless scrolling through the brainrotting reels and videos thats feeding the addiction part of your brain, in no time you're suddenly transported in the middle of a busy street with your pajamas.

Not knowing if you've accidentally sleepwalked or if you were daydreaming, you noticed the strange waft of different smells the people around you have.

Its all too much for your brain, the smell of different perfumes clashing eachother is making your head spin. In no time, you accidentally hit your head on someone.

A tall person, maybe 6'7 you note. You have to crank your neck upwards to see him, apologize and run back to your home despite forgetting that you're in the middle of an unknown street.

"S..sorry..?" You half muttered, trying to get a glimpse of the man by squinting, the backlight of the sun isn't helping the unfortunate circumstances you're in.

"No problem! ...hey are you lost, little thing?" The man tilted his head, blocking the sun and giving you a bit of how he looks now. "You don't smell like an average beta.. or omega... even alpha"

He's an attractive person, a lazy smile etched on his perfectly smooth face. Pulling the fat of the cheeks a little and curving his cat-like eyes just beneath his golden rimmed glasses. Theres a few moles you see near his left eye, under the eyebrow and bottom lip. He looks like one of those pinterest models you see, one that people put as a drawing reference.

"Uhm.. what?"

"You're okay?"

"I think so? What do you mean.. average beta?"

Hearing your answer, the tall man can only hummed and fix his dark blue hair. It wasn't long enough to reach his shoulder but not short enough to reach his ears too, a layered cut maybe? You try to figure out the man's body action before hearing out what he has to say. Theres a small fear of you getting kidnapped, pulled into some drunken bar or maybe a dimmed and empty place to steal your organs.

"Betas? You know, the second gender?" He muttered, the lazy smile is still stapled on his face. You asked if he's talking about the same beta, omega and alpha that you know about. The ones that you've read in fiction and posts, a universe where people have secondary genders instead of just the usual biological male or female. "Hmmm... yes?".

You wanted to laugh, make a weird face, punch him on the guts, to say he's joking would be an understatement. He looks serious, in fact. He looks at you judgingly despite the small smile he kept. You panicked, finding out that those isekai fictions are actually happening to you, during your scrolling on the dumb thin brick of electronic. Maybe if you weren't so focused on it, you would realized you're slowly being transported into another dimension.

The man tilted his head again, a small humm is heard despite the loud steps of the crowd walking past you. The crowd, you're also in the middle of the busy street. The sweat on your palms feels more wet now that you realized everyone is seeing you in your pajamas, the only pair of outfit you wear to be comfortable alone, uninterrupted in your small abode.

"You look so anxious.. wanna go somewhere to talk? Seems like you need something to straighten your mind"

Time moves quickly, you're now sitting in a thick sofa. One that feels like its been used for years, the comfortable dent it has gives you a sense of belonging. The man, introduced himself as Elias. Explained to you how this world works, after noticing how despite having betas around. You have a particular smell that isnt too strong or "unique" as he would say it. "Quite the catch you are" he smiled as he tilted his head again, the act reminding you of an owl. "An alpha like me have sharper nose... but i can barely smell you. Its like smelling a deer.. small deer"

Now you're lounging in his house, holding a warm chamomile tea he brewed. Feeling snug despite being in a strangers house, waiting for him to finish changing. He discussed about you having a place to stay, urging you to live in his house for awhile till you can figure things out in this world. 'How kind..' you think, 'maybe the alphas in the fiction isnt as horrible as it actually is in here... '

You didn't noticed the lingering look he's giving you, the licking of his lips each time you tend to appear skittish and unsafe. He has a need to keep you alone, keep you safe around him and maybe spoil you a bit. Who knows? Maybe throughout all his life being an Apex Alpha, you are his true mate. The reason he's been so devoid of any feeling and not so obedient for his wolf side is because you haven't appeared in his universe.

Fortunately hes a patient man, so patient. He can easily break you down to become his perfect little omega, no matter if you'll have it as a second gender or not. In his eyes, you'll always be an omega. His omega

Elias is an old yandere oc i created, i had some ideas of how he is but i wanted to show more of his personality here. Theres a few notes past me put on his character but the rest, is improvised.Sooo this is all not proofread.

[al-of-the-stars]

Hello, I saw this post and I wanted to ask if you could do a one shot as a Vox x reader, where Vox has been neglecting reader after Alastor appeared and reader started acting cold towards him and he only then did he notice and tries to make it up to them. You can use any gender but you don’t have take this request! Thank you for listening and I hope you do well!

"He's the past, you're my future"

A/n: Hi, Anon! Thank you for the request! This is the first fic I've ever posted publicly so I'm not sure if it's good or not so if you have any feedback, feel free to let me know! Sorry its not very long, I tend to write shorter stories. I hope you enjoy!! :D

Another day goes by alone. This has been happening ever since the Radio Demon returned. You thought Vox would be over his childish rivalry by now but you were proven wrong when the CEO had spent over a week trying to find some way to beat that old-timey prick. It felt like he had no time for you. It was always scheme after scheme, plan after plan. Did he just forget about you? Well then, why should you waste your time on someone who doesn't care? Someone who will forget about your entire existence to defeat some deer looking bitch? If he wants distance, then that's what you'll give. While you were lost in thought, Just then, you heard a knock at your door.

“Y/n, may I come in?” You know that voice, it's one you've grown fond of over the years. The voice that you love now feels bittersweet, like sour candy. After he left you alone for that long, your only interactions throughout those days being just a simple “hi” when you stumbled upon each other in the halls of the Vee building, you just can't handle another day of being another acquaintance.

“Yes, Vox, you may,” you say coldly. The sound of the door opening fills the silent room and the overlord walks in. Vox walks over to where you sat scrolling mindlessly through your phone. Usually, you would greet him with a hug and kiss but today was different. Vox had a confused look on his face, a look that made you want to just stop the act and go tackle him in a hug but you can't give up that easily, not even when he looks at you like a kicked puppy.

“Hey,”

“Are you… alright? You're acting strange today, darling,” Vox grabbed Your hands, careful not to accidentally hurt you with his claws.

“Of course I'm alright, not like you care. Isn't this what you wanted?” You pull your hand away. Vox had a look of realization that soon turned into one of guilt.

“Shit…” He cursed under his breath “Y/n, I'm so, so sorry I just.. I don't know.. I was just really caught up with dealing with Alastor and I… I'm so sorry..” His extensive rambling was cut off by a kiss. If it hadn't, who knows how long he would have apologized to you for? You would probably be there all day.. and you did also desperately want to kiss him again.

“I forgive you, but it better not happen again,” you say with a smile.

“It won't, I promise, love,” he lifted your hand to his lips and planted a soft kiss. “He's the past, you're my future,” He gently grabbed Your hand and gave it a soft kiss. “And I refuse to let the past get between me and my future.. I love you, y/n. I love you more than you could ever imagine,”

“I love you too, Vox” you smile. He didn't forget, and he never would.

[headcanonenthusiast]

Alex Keller NSFW headcanons 

This was made with both masc and fem readers in mind. This man really has absolutely no content out there, so I'm here to provide for y'all 😎 Enjoy! (Also, sorry if this is a little dry. It's my first time posting headcanons 😔)

(I completely understand that this type of content is not everyone's cup of tea, and that's ok! But, please scroll and ignore if this type of content isn't your thing as opposed to leaving any sort of negative comments.) 

NSFW under the cut

-An absolute GOD at oral sex. He'll eat the pussy/suck dick as if he were famished

-Please smother him with your thighs when he eats you out/sucks you off. He'll be absolutely devastated if you don't. Doesn't care what your body type is, do it and he'll be happy for the rest of the week

"Fuckin smother me with those thighs, baby. What? No, no, don't you worry about me suffocating. If I do, then at least I'll die a happy man." 

-And if you look at him with any hint of unamusement, he'll chuckle and kiss your inner thigh. 

-Pays special attention to your clit/tip. He'll kiss at and slowly run his fingertips over it while complimenting your body. 

-"Look at this pretty little pussy/cock, baby. So adorable." 

-HEAVY on praise. Everything that falls from his mouth is either a moan or praise for you. 

-"Aw, fuck, dolly. You're taking me so well. Such a good girl/boy." 

-Prefers handjobs as opposed to head. Doesn't think you're bad at it or anything, just wants you to be able to respond to him when he talks.

-May not be big on head, but kiss his cock while your hands are wrapped around it and he might just cum right then and there. 

-Not very kinky at all, but he may have a bit of a breeding kink ngl..

-Mostly because he actually wants kids. Whether you can have them or not, he'll beg to fill you up. 

-Absolutely not a degrader. He'd feel way too bad. 

-If you really begged him, he might try degrading you, but that'll all melt away in five seconds as he gently kisses your face in apology, even if you're getting into it. 

"Oh, sunshine, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it. Just don't think I could degrade someone so gorgeous/handsome." 

-Very vocal, but mostly with talking. He 100% talks you through it 

"Lift your leg up a little bit for me, baby. There we go, good girl/boy." 

-If you're insecure about your body in any way, he'll carefully run his fingertips over whatever's making you insecure while fingering/jerking you off in front of a mirror. 

-"Look at that amazing body, sweetheart. Takes me so well, makes me cum everytime..so beautiful/handsome. How could you hate a body like that, hm?" 

-"Hell you mean you're too chubby/skinny? You're the perfect size for me, darling." 

-Kisses and caresses any scars, stretchmarks, birthmarks or anything else on your body you may feel self-conscious about.

-If you space out at any point, or if he just wants your eyes on him, he'll click his tongue to snap you out of your thoughts. 

-Constantly asking if you're alright. If you ever start crying during the act, he'll stop in his tracks and fuss over you. 

"Oh God, are you okay? Did I hurt you, sunshine? Too rough?" 

-Then when you convince him that you were just crying because of how good he's fucking you, he sighs in relief and chuckles a little. 

"Silly girl/boy. Had me all scared for a sec." 

-Will leave hickeys on you and will let you do it to him, but always somewhere noone else will see. You're his precious dolly, afterall. Why would Alex ever embarass you over making those marks visible? 

-Besides, with the way he's got his arm snaked around your waist in public, everyone knows you're his 

-Leaves hickeys on your chest, thighs and stomach (will definitely leave more on your thighs/belly if you're chubbier.) 

-Tickles your neck with his facial hair on purpose and smirks when it makes you giggle. 

-Has a lighthearted mindset about sex. Not opposed to making jokes and giggling during, before or after the act. As long as you're both feeling good, he's happy.  

-Tells you that your pussy/dick/ass is the best in the world. Genuinely can't get enough of it. 

"Shit, baby. This fuckin' pussy/ass is gonna make me cum..you wanna make me cum, baby? Yeah? Keep riding me then..just like that." 

-Favorite positions are ones where you're on his lap. It feels so intimate and loving, the way he can feel your grip tighten on his shoulders and see every reaction you make as his cock smoothly fucks you. 

-Mostly quite gentle. Will go harder if you want, but he's very cautious not to hurt you at all. 

-Can easily be top or bottom. Just depends on his partner wants. If you're a top? He'll gladly let you do whatever you want. Bottom? He'll take care of all your needs and desires. Switch? He's happy to flip-flop around until you're happy. 

-Makes you use your words. Rarely does things without you begging for it beforehand. 

-"Come on, darling. You know you have to beg for what you want." 

-Honestly a bit of a teaser. He'll get a big smirk on his face when you just whine to get fucked instead of asking properly. Clicks his tongue and gives a super dramatic shake of his head 

-"Oh, baby doll. That's not how we ask for things. Speak up, love. Loud and clear." 

- Can't deny you for long, though. The moment you beg he's all over you. 

-Big on eye contact. Will turn your face towards him and give you his best puppy dog eyes until your eyes stay on him

-Your pleasure always comes first 

-4 inches soft, 6 inches hard and fat asf (lord have mercy 🙏🙏) 

-Aftercare is just as good as the sex. He'll run a warm bath/shower either you alone or the both of you and carefully wash whatever he can reach while sitting behind you. 

-"You did great, baby. You alright? Not sore, are ya?" "Good, good. My perfect princess/prince." 

-Then when you're both done washing up, you'd better drag your ass back to bed for one (or more) of the following: 

-#1: Cuddles

-#2: Movie/show marathon 

-#3: Round 2 >:) 

My first headcanons done! I'm sure y'all can tell that I'm an Alex girlie but honestly this man is so FINE 😫 how can I not be? I'll def make some SFW and Alex x chubby reader headcanons later, dw.

Let me know who I should do next! 

[starcrossedxwriter]

Wicked Fantasies Part 6 (MBJ x OC)

Warnings: Look… its literally just angst lol you're gonna feel things! Don't say I didn't warn you. NSFW

A/N: This is like 2 weeks later than I promised (SO sorry, y'all!) but I hope you enjoy!

***

��This isn’t so bad,” Michael argued. “She’s just complaining that she hasn’t met me yet and some other shit that isn’t even true. Why’s that a problem?” 

Alex shook her head as she scrolled on her phone. Her eyes did not even leave her phone screen as she spoke, her nails furiously tapping across the glass screen. “It’s not what she said that’s the problem. It’s that she’s talking at all… the only things I want to see in the media about the two of you are cute photos from date night, not tell alls from family members. Does she know about your… previous career?” 

This was the first time his manager had even directed a question at Raven, who had sat silently since they arrived. She was so angry that she could not even revel in the fact that she was at Michael’s house for the first time, not regulated to her usual place in his bachelor pad. She thought being invited to this intimate part of his life would make her happier. But instead of feeling joy and welcomed, she merely felt like a burden. She was only there out of necessity to fix the crisis her own sister created. 

This is why you can never be more, she reminded herself. Paris had started to rip out the weeds of doubt that grew in her soul, siphoning away the power of the notion that they could not be more. It had made her fall deeper in love with him, made her seriously ponder whether his feelings for her stretched into deeper territory.. But this? This reminded her of a sickening fact. 

No matter how many trips he charted for her, gifts he showered her with, or kindness he showed, she did not belong here with him in the real world. It was as if every intimate detail of his home and his real life that she saw screamed at her that she was out of place, punching above her weight, and needed to return to where she belonged: the outskirts of his life in the condo where he took one-night stands and flings that meant nothing once the sun rose. Because as soon as their arrangement was done, she would be nothing to him again. And while Paris had made her feel like she could still win in the ring, now she felt as if she was merely being punched right back down where she belonged. 

“No. Well… she doesn’t know about the prostitution. But… I always thought she figured out I was a stripper somehow.” 

Alex, who previously had been engrossed in her phone, lifted her head in surprise. “You were a stripper too? Would’ve been nice to know before now,” she muttered under her breath. 

Raven’s long stiletto nails bit into the palm of her hand as she tried not to let one comment push her right off the cliff she was teetering on. She knew Alex was not intending to be judgmental but that did not stop her from feeling the sting of it. Every choice she made in her life since the moment she came into the world seemed to be a bad one for everyone else. She could not do anything right. 

“I was a 19 year old with no skills who needed to pay for college. I wasn’t facing a fucking mountain of options. So I did the best I could with a shitty situation... Sorry my choices as a desperate teenager are making your job so difficult,” Raven snapped. 

“I didn’t me-” 

“Alex.” Michael’s stern voice cut through the budding tension, stealing the words right out of Alex’s mouth. Michael’s dominance and power seemed to have an effect on everyone, though Raven suspected it was because he was not the type to abuse it. Alex immediately let the rest of her sentence fade away, opting to apologize instead. 

Michael’s eyes had not left Raven’s body since they got in the car. He hated how her eyes actively avoided him, he had been unable to look in her beautiful brown eyes for over an hour and that killed him. They were the most expressive part of her, windows into her soul and every feeling she had. She shied away from his comforting touch in the car so he kept his distance but even still, he could see how her entire frame trembled ever so slightly. Her furrowed brow… her silence. God, her silence was so deafeningly loud in his ears. He was not used to it. Even if it was awkward ramblings, she was rarely silent with him. This was a side of her he had never seen. It was not sadness or resignation, he had seen both of those, and she seemed to be able to push through those just fine. No, this was something else and it was red hot and all consuming to the point where he could tell she could not hide it. It was a far cry from the woman who was sound asleep on his shoulder on the plane two hours prior. 

“I’m sorry,” Alex raised her hands. “I’m sorry. I’d never judge anyone for doing what they need to. I just need to know what else your sister could say.” 

“She has no proof… just speculation. But that’s it. She doesn’t know anything about my life now… we aren’t close.” 

At first, she had immediately handed Alex back her phone, uninterested in reading whatever lies her sister decided to spew. However, when Michael summarized it for her, the notions in it were so absurd, she had to read them for herself. She instantly wished she had not. 

It was as dramatic as it was false, her sister complaining about how Raven had changed and alienated her own family since her romance with the superstar had begun. She spun a web of tall tales about how Raven never spoke to them anymore, how close they once were and how much the family missed her, how Raven had told them Michael was too busy to meet them. By the time Raven got to the end of the article, she was shaking. 

She supposed the silver lining was that the article was more of a personal attack on her character than their relationship, which she was used to from her sister. She just had not expected her sister to drag it into the public eye like this. And while reading her words agitated some of her deepest wounds, they fueled more anger in her than any other emotion. Anger was not an emotion Raven often felt where her family was concerned. Slight frustration, sadness, hurt, guilt? She felt all of those often but she was used to it and often brushed them off. But true anger? That was rare, or rather, it was rare that she let herself feel true anger. And now, it hit her as high, powerful waves crashing against her shores. 

“So she’s just lookin’ for her 15 minutes. Fine. But she can’t say anything else, this’s gotta be it.” 

“Who cares if she mouths off to the media?” Michael asked. He knew why Alex cared and why he should care. But at that moment, all he could actually care about was minimizing this for Raven’s sake. He knew her well enough to know that the only person she would blame for this was herself, not her idiot sister. And it seemed to him that she blamed herself for far too much where her family was concerned. He did not want to add another unnecessary thing to that list. Nor did he want her to feel the burden of this because she was quite the opposite of a burden to him and he would clean up 100 PR nightmares for her without a second thought. They had taken 10 steps forward in Paris, walls came crumbling down for both of them. If he did not fix this fast, Raven would retreat 15 steps back from him and he could not take that. 

“That’s not the point! She’s smoke and TMZ knows where there’s smoke, there’s a fuckin’ fire. And y’all two and this whole situation is a damn forest fire. We don’t need TMZ or a fuckin’ Inspector Gadget head ass Tik Toker to look into Raven’s life or past anymore than they already have. So you need to shut her up now. Is she a fan of his or somethin?”

Raven scoffed. “If wanting to add him to her list of fuck buddies means she’s a fan then sure… she’s a fan.” Her anger meant she could not hide the bitterness in her voice, could not pretend to have a kind word to say about her sister who seemed to take joy in going out of her way to ruin all the good things in her life. 

“Well, that shit definitely ain’t happenin’,” Michael stated with a growl. 

“I mean, no nigga, I wasn’t gonna suggest you fuck her sister.” Alex rolled her eyes.

“Maybe we s-should just end this. I’m causing more problems than I’m fixing.” Raven’s voice was so quiet, Michael almost did not hear her. It hurt her heart to even consider it but Paris had rubbed her raw, left her and her emotions exposed in ways she had not experienced in a long time. And she had not minded that at first, she savored the closeness and vulnerability with another person. But now, all of her emotions felt dialed up by ten in that vulnerability and that overwhelmed her. She was overwhelmed by the rage she felt at her family for trying to use Michael the way they used her. She thought she couldn’t ruin him but she felt as if she already was. “I’m r-ruining everything…” 

Michael’s heart stopped, his head shaking vehemently before any words could even escape his lips. “What? No… why would we do that?” 

Raven’s head fell into her hands as she let out a frustrated and strangled sigh that sounded like a sob. 

“Ok, let’s all take a breath. I’m sorry, I probably made this seem like a bigger deal than it is. We don’t need to stop or end it if you aren’t ready to. This is still a good plan, no one is ruining anything. We can fix this. We just need to give her what she wants. If you just meet her, take a picture with her, get her tickets to a high profile event or party or whatever she wants, then maybe she’ll settle down and keep her mouth shut.” 

“She won’t,” Raven mumbled to no one in particular. 

“Everyone has a price and we just need to find hers,” Alex continued texting on her phone.  

“She won’t because she’s an attention seeking bitch. She’s never had a real job or ambition or anything going for her and just takes and takes and takes from everyone with no thought. I can give her the fucking world and she’ll come back with her hand still out!” Raven exploded, jumping up from her seat as the words escaped her lips before she could even hope to stop them. She buried her face in her hands and turned away from both of them as she heard them in the space, instantly regretting them. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” 

Michael sighed and gestured toward the door, Alex walking out of the room with him. He closed the door behind them.

“So I take it there’s some bad blood there?” Alex asked as she leaned on the door. 

“Lots of it. You know how family shit is… lots of heavy ass baggage there. Let me talk to her and I’ll call you tonight with a game plan. I think she just feels betrayed and upset and needs to process all that.” 

“Understood,” Alex raised her hands in surrender. “Take your time, give her what she needs. Sorry this had to happen as soon as you came back. She seemed really happy when y’all got off the plane, I didn’t mean to ruin it.” 

Michael shook his head. “Doing your job isn’t ruining anything. But my guess is the timing of this, on her sister’s part, wasn’t random. Sucks too… the past week was the most relaxed I’ve ever seen her, first time she seemed actually happy.” Michael stared through the glass panels of his office door to watch her. He could see the tension in her shoulders from all the way over here, could tell they were shaking slightly from silent tears. 

He turned away to look back at Alex whose eyes were big with shock. 

“What?” 

“You’re in love with her.” 

“Alexxxx…” he dragged out her name, his manager scoffing and dragging him by the arm further away from the door. 

“Don’t insult my intelligence, Bakari. I’ve run a couple PR relationships in my time and most fail miserably. Been trying to figure out why this one seems to be working so well… I knew it wasn’t cause you’re that good of an actor, no shade. It’s because you… Michael Bakari Jordan love her. You’re not having to play for the cameras because you’re actually in love with her. Look me in my eyes and tell me I’m wrong.” 

Michael sucked his teeth. “I love her.” He admitted. “And I know what you’re gonna say… it can’t work and it’s stupid and I’ll need to end it like we always planned. I know, I got it.” 

He started to move past her when her hand grabbed his bicep to stop him. 

“I was actually gonna say that I’m happy for you. Been waiting for you to wise up and find someone for real. If she’s what you want, I support it and you 100%. And we can figure out how to spin it.” She jerked her head back toward the office. “Go take care of your girl. Call 

me later.” 

They shared a hug before Michael disappeared back into the office. Raven sniffled and quickly wiped her tears away before standing up and walking over to him. She tried to put a positive look on her face and tone in her voice as she spoke. 

“I’m sorry… that outburst was m-mean and totally unnecessary. And not helpful. She’s right, we need a game plan and everything. Where’s Alex? I want to apologize and then I can fix this.”

He perched on the edge and widened his stance so he could pull her in between his legs. His arm wrapped around her waist as he pulled her into his chest. He did not like how she braced her forearms against his chest to avoid fully melting into his embrace. 

“I don’t need you to do anything and Alex doesn’t need an apology. She’s fine. I care more about whether you’re good or not. You’re upset.” 

She shook her head. “I’m not upset.” 

Michael raised an eyebrow. “You just called your sister an attention seeking bitch. Ain’t gon’ hear an argument from me but that’s not like you. You’re pissed, rightfully so. Tell me why though, don’t bottle that shit up.” 

Raven stared at him for a moment, her mouth opening and closing a couple times as she tried to find the words to tell him. Tell him that she was near out of relentless hope and optimism, that a not-so-small part of her hated her sister and wished she never had to see her again, that she wanted to cut her and her dad out of her life completely but she wasn’t brave enough to be truly alone so she couldn’t, that a bigger part of her wanted to call TMZ and tell them all about how horrible her family has been to her her entire life, that it cut deeper than she imagined it would to read her sister describe a relationship between them that had always been her dream but she actively denied her. She wanted to tell him that she was tired, that she felt guilty and ashamed for dragging him into this mess, that she didn’t deserve his care and kindness because all she had done was ruin his life.

It was all too much, the avalanche of emotions she felt picked up speed and power with every moment she stood in his presence. And she needed it to stop, needed to throw up some type of blockade so she was not run over and drowned by it. She needed walls again, barriers. And the only way she could think to recreate those was to put both physical and emotional distance between herself and the man in front of her. He was the only person who forced her to exist in her vulnerability, to feel everything and not shy away from it. But that was dangerous. She was not built for it. Once the avalanche hit, she knew she would not get back up. So, she had to get out. 

So she did the only thing she could think of, she threw up the walls of a working girl. She knew they would not hold for long, not with his persistence, but they would hold long enough for her to reign it all in again. Long enough for her to lock her feelings back up in their cage where they belonged. 

“I’m not angry.” Her tone left no room for argument as she pried herself out of his embrace and walked back to the couch to grab her bag off the floor. “I’m not angry. Kiara’s not a… bad person. She’s just… Kiara’s the Sun and I imagine the Sun would be upset if Pluto tried to steal its spotlight too. She’s the center of my family’s world and she hates it when it seems like I’m trying to take that away. It’s fine. I’ll give her whatever she needs to feel like the Sun again and that I humbled myself back to my position as Pluto. Everyone wins.” She said it in such a matter-of-fact way that, if he didn’t know her, he would have missed the bitterness in her words. 

“You don’t need to pretend with me, Rae. You can be upset.” 

“Nothing to be upset about. This is just how it is… I’m used to it. She wants something and she knows I’m gonna give it to her. I’ll call her and figure out what she wants and we’ll fix this.” 

She started to fiddle on her phone before Michael pried it out of her hand and threw it on his desk. 

“I don’t give a fuck about what your sister wants right now… I care about what you need.” 

“I don’t really need anything from you or anyone else right now.” Her words clipped and colder than Michael had ever heard her before. “Least of all a damn therapist.” 

Her heart broke at the hurt that flashed across his eyes but she decided that was fine. She needed distance and however she achieved that, even if it was by pushing him away, it would work for her. However, before he could respond, her phone started to buzz loudly on the desk. 

“Speak of the devil.” Michael handed Raven her phone back, her sister’s name popping up across the screen. 

“Hey Kiara.” She put the phone on speaker phone so Michael could hear. 

“I’m surprised you didn’t call me all day, I know you saw the article.” 

Raven and Michael shared a knowing glance that made Michael’s blood boil. She had done this just to outshine Raven who had been in the media and tabloids multiple times in the last week from their trip. Michael had guessed that but knowing her sister went to such lengths to diminish her sister bothered him far more than he could describe. Was there no one in his girl’s life that allowed her to shine? 

“Yea I saw it. I’m sure you also saw that Michael and I weren’t in the country. We just saw it when we landed about an hour ago.” 

“Yea I saw you both... Why didn’t you invite me??” 

Raven let out a small huff. “Do you even have a passport?”

“No… but I could’ve gotten one. it's not fair that you get to go while I’m stuck here. And with my favorite actor. All my friends sending me clips of your stories and pictures and shit. And I didn’t even know you were gonna be there. And I had to lie and tell them that you invited me but I couldn’t go. You don’t include me in shit and you keep makin’ me look fuckin’ stupid. You probably didn’t think about me once!”

“I mean no, you weren’t the first thing that came to mind when my boyfriend invited me on a trip to Paris. I’m allowed to have and enjoy experiences on my own. Also no one forced you to lie, who would have expected you to be invited on a trip with me and my boyfriend?” 

She heard Kiara scoff on the other side of the phone. “‘My boyfriend,’” she mimicked back. “You better enjoy this lil 15 minutes of fame you’re getting from him cause it won’t last. Ain’t like you’re worth his time. He’ll wise up, realize he needs a real woman, a girl like me.” 

“Did you want something?” Raven interrupted, turning her head from Michael so he could not see just how deeply her words cut. She would never argue that she was good enough for the man sitting next to her but hearing someone else validate those insecurities hurt.. Her sister certainly knew which wounds to cut into. “Or was your tell all just to ruin my trip?” 

“Oh well… None of this would’ve happened if you had gotten me even one of the things I asked for weeks ago. Like damn, I know he’s busy but he don’t even have a real job. He could come out and met me when I asked.” 

Michael’s face twisted up in a look of faux offense that would have been a perfect gif, which made the edges of Raven’s lips curl into a small smile as she stifled her laugh. How did he manage to make her smile even when she felt utterly incapable of the action? 

“Acting is a real job, Kiara. And I invited you all here to meet him. But no, I wasn’t gonna ask him to get you a Birkin, I don’t even have a Birkin.”

Michael resisted the urge to cut in and ask her if she wanted one. Because he could easily have one at the house by sunset if she did. 

“Dad and I can’t afford to jet set out to LA… the hotels, the food, all that shit. We’re barely getting by as it is.” 

Raven rolled her eyes. “Barely getting by” when they both worked and Raven often paid most of the major bills. 

As she was talking, Michael gestured for her to mute the phone. “Tell her I’ll pay for the flights and invite them to Thanksgiving.” At Raven’s wary face, Michael just nodded. “Just trust me.” 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize the price of the flights was the issue. H-how about we pay for the flights and your hotel and… you could come for Thanksgiving this year? Michael’s family are great cooks so it’ll be nice. And you can meet him?” 

“Really?? Thanksgiving at Michael’s house?” 

“Yea,” the words were almost painful to get out. Part of her wanted to believe this could be a good thing but the more logical part knew that it would not soften anything between all of them. After all, they were not coming to see her, they were coming to gawk at Michael. “But you can’t talk to the media anymore, Kiara. Seriously, you can meet him and everything but you can’t go give a tell all to TMZ or Page Six or any of them anymore. Understand?” 

“Fineeeee. No more media. I’ll tell dad. Send me the flight and hotel information. Make sure to put us up somewhere nice… you know like the Ritz or a five-star hotel. And can you have a car for us while we’re there? We’re gonna wanna sightsee and everything.” 

“Of course,” she muttered through gritted teeth. 

“Ok. See you then, bye.” 

Raven clenched her phone in her hand, resisting the urge to chuck it across the room. 

“Damn, sis’s got expensive taste,” Michael muttered. 

Raven’s laugh was cold and humorless. “It’s easy to have expensive taste when it’s not your money. You sure about this? Thanksgiving? Here?” 

“What? Thanksgiving is the time people spend with family. We can get a nice group shot and they can feel included. And I’ll get her somethin’ expensive and nice… nothin’ crazy. That’s all she seems to want anyway. Hearing how she talks to you… I don’t want ‘em here anymore than you do but this is the best solution. You had plans or somethin’?” 

“No, no… I just didn’t… I didn’t even know I was invited to the Jordan Family Thanksgiving dinner,” she chuckled, pulling at the sleeve of her jacket awkwardly.  

Michael’s face twisted up in confusion. “Of course you’re invited. Moms would kill me if I didn’t. But yea I guess I should’ve asked if you had plans first. What do you usually do?”  

“Nothing.” 

“Nothing?” 

“Nothing. I order Chinese and I pick a marathon of movies to watch in bed. Same with Christmas except I usually pick a new recipe to try and I always watch the Grinch,” she chuckled. 

“You spend Thanksgiving and Christmas alone?” 

She shrugged and gestured toward her phone. “If you had to pick between alone and that, which would you choose?” At his silence, she nodded. “Exactly. They never want to see me anyway so I make it easy on everyone.” 

“Well, this year’s gonna be different.” 

Raven scoffed. “How so?” 

Michael closed the distance between them and rested his hands on her hips. “Well, one, you’ll have me, which means your family will be on their best behavior. If they aren’t, two, you have me and my family as a buffer. And three, you have me… and I ain’t gon’ tolerate disrespect like that in my house. You say the word and dinner’s over.” 

“You can’t kick people out of your house for me,” she whispered, her eyes avoiding the intense stare in his. 

“Who says I can’t? Thought I’d made that clear by now that I’d do anything for you. And when you’re with me, I’m not just gon’ protect you physically… all of you is safe with me.” 

Those walls she threw up? Already starting to crash down around her. Why does he do this to me?? And why can’t I resist it? She thought to herself as she looked at him. 

“Thank you. But hopefully, they’ll be on their best behavior and then who knows, maybe they’ll see your family and want to turn a new leaf? This could be good?” In her heart, she knew that would not be how this particular story played out but she had to try… had to hope and dream that it could be different. She studied him for a sign that he agreed, and believed her. But he offered her nothing but a peck on the forehead. 

“Yea, maybe.” 

They stood there for a moment before Raven felt the overwhelming urge to run again. She hated this feeling… the contrasting emotions of wanting to melt into him and run from him at full speed. 

“D-do you think Allen would mind taking me home?” 

“I thought you were gonna stay with me tonight?” 

“Yea but I thought we were going to the condo… you want me to stay the night… here?” 

“I just thought after last week…” he stopped himself. “Here is just more comfortable than the condo. Besides, ma asked if you could stay for dinner so she can meet you. Wouldn’t want to disappoint her, would you?” At her continued expression of speculation, Michael added. “She also has been buggin’ the hell outta me to meet you so honestly, you’d be savin’ my ass.” 

Raven smiled and nodded. There was not anything but wallowing and frustration waiting for her back at her own apartment. And she had loved falling asleep in Michael’s arms during the last week. She was not ready to fall asleep alone again. 

“Just remember that next time you’re punishing me,” she winked at him. 

“Deal.” 

***

“Bakari!” Donna called over to Michael who was standing outside with his dad overseeing the fried turkey for dinner. 

“What’s up, ma?” He jogged over to her as she continued moving around the kitchen. Michael had offered, as he did every year, to have dinner catered but his mother could not dream of not cooking Thanksgiving dinner with her own two hands. Michael never pressed too hard though because he knew no caterer would ever beat his mom and dad’s cooking. 

“I think a certain girl needs your attention more than your father and that turkey,” she gestured toward Raven whose hands were filled with neatly folded napkins as she sat each one on each place setting around their giant farm style table. 

Michael’s eyes scanned over her body. He could see the tension in her shoulders but she had been tense since they woke up that morning. She had also been quiet all day, simply getting up and heading down to the kitchen to assist his mother. While she was more than happy for the help and it gave the two a chance to chat and bond, Michael knew Raven’s motives were not completely altruistic. She needed the distraction. 

“She’s setting the table, what’s wrong?” 

His mother lowered her voice. “She’s set and reset that table 5 times now in between asking me if I need help 100 times and apologizing for her family being late.” She gestured toward the pitcher which held a fall sangria for dinner. “Poor girl’s been on her feet helpin’ me all day and she’s a dream but she needs to relax. Pour her a drink, get her outta my kitchen, and make her sit down till dinner, please?” 

“Yes ma’am.” He kissed his mom on the cheek before quickly grabbing a glass and pouring a tall drink before walking over to her. 

“I think those napkins will be fine wherever you put them, baby girl,” he whispered in her ear, causing Raven to jump slightly. 

She clutched her chest, glancing down at the table setting and set of napkins in her hand. “Sorry… was in my own head. Something about it still doesn’t look right still,” she whispered as she started to rearrange the setting in front of her again. 

Michael eyed her for a moment before grabbing the things out of her hand and setting them down. He called for his sister to take over setting the table before grabbing Raven’s hand and pulling her behind him into his bedroom upstairs. He closed the door and handed her the glass. 

“Drink.” He instructed. 

Raven took a sip before lowering the glass again to hand back to him. 

“Nope, drink the whole thing and then tell me why you’re so scared.” 

“I’m not scared.” 

“Yea you are. Tell me why.” Michael wasn’t dumb. Raven had been off since her family landed in LA, more tense, quieter and not herself. He wished he could get the version of her from Paris back but that woman was buried deep beneath the seemingly never-ending bull her family put her through. 

Raven took another big gulp of the drink before sitting on the edge of Michael’s bed, her dress riding up her bare thighs slightly. His eyes sparked with lust but he tempered himself. That was not the point of bringing her up here. 

“I’m not… scared. That’s not what it is. I just… Well, first, I’m frustrated because they’re late. I explicitly told them 2 so they could meet everyone and chat and mingle and it’s almost 4. I spent over an hour on that damn charcuterie board. And they haven’t called me or texted or anything. And now your mom probably thinks I was raised by inconsiderate ass wolves.” 

“Rae, my mom doesn’t care in the slightest. Food wasn’t gonna be done at 2 anyway so they haven’t missed anything or messed up anything. And you know that. So what’s really bothering you? We aren’t leaving this room til you tell me.”

She sucked her teeth in annoyance before sighing. She knew he would make good on his promise not to let her leave until she was honest. 

“I’ve lived in LA for years. Did my masters out here, became a published author here, built a life here and you know how many times I’ve asked them to visit? And the first time they come, it's not even to see me. It’s to meet you. They’ve been in LA for 3 whole days… you know they haven’t made an effort to see me once? Never mind the fact that every restaurant they have a reservation to, we booked. Every excursion, you booked and paid for. And it shouldn’t bother me,” she whispered, throwing the entire drink back before wiping the corner of her lips. “It shouldn’t… bother me. Usually it doesn’t bother me. After all, this’s been it, my whole life. But since I met your family… I see how you are with them a-and I spend time with you all and it’s like breathing in rare fresh air? A-and I dunno, it just… the polluted air is a lot harder to breathe in than it used to be.”  

Since they returned from Paris, Raven had become a staple in the Jordan household. They still returned to the condo some nights after dates as it was often easier than getting back to his mansion in the hills. Raven had fallen in love with Michael’s family and it seemed his family had taken quite a liking to her as well. His nephew loved to have Raven read to him as she did the best silly voices, and she, his mom, and sister had already gone out without Michael for manis, pedis, and dinner - with his card, of course. 

Raven would never forget their first dinner the night they got back from Paris. She had been in such a bad mood but ten minutes at the table with Michael’s entire family had lightened her spirits significantly. His dad was charming and told stories that had Raven’s muscles aching from laughter; his mom so sweet and spent half the dinner asking questions about Raven’s book after having it finished it while they were away; his brother was quiet but he and Michael’s friendship made her heart want to melt; and his sister was witty and made Raven want to be her friend immediately. Everytime Raven spent time with them, they made her feel like part of the family. And she fell into it, despite her efforts to avoid it, with ease, like she had been part of the fabric for years. It caused some guilt to swell as she remembered that the girl they loved so much was a lie and that she and Michael were deceiving them. However, as her own family continued to disappoint her, it was nice to be a part of something so pure and loving. 

“Sorry to interrupt,” Michael’s sister poked her head into the room. “But your family’s car just pulled up.” 

Raven immediately stood up and handed the wine glass back to Michael. She went over to the full-length mirror in his room to adjust her outfit and ensure she looked perfect before putting on the most forced smile Michael had ever seen grace her lips. 

“Come on, we shouldn’t keep them waiting.” 

Michael grabbed her arm to stop her as she tried to walk around him. 

“I told myself I’d stay out of it… your family, your rules. But word of advice, if you’ll let me?” When she said nothing, he continued. “People treat you how you allow them. And just because you’ve allowed this disregard for 30 years doesn’t mean you have to allow it now or that you deserve it. It hurts more now because you know you deserve more. And you’ve experienced more. So demand more.” 

“And if they don’t give it?” Raven’s voice broke slightly with that question because she knew what his answer would be, what she should have done many years ago but did not have the courage to do.  

“Somethin’ isn’t always better than nothin’. Especially when that somethin’ is just dead weight you have to drag around behind you. No one ever got far with dead weight.” He pressed his lips to her forehead, Raven desperately wanting to melt into him and the comfort he provided. He laced his fingers in hers and kissed her hand. “That’s all I’m gonna say. We’re gonna have a good time, promise. You’re with me so you know I gotchu. You ready?” 

“Yea, I think so,” she smiled at him before following him out of his room and downstairs. 

As they descended the stairs, she was unsurprised to find the deep baritone of her father filling the foyer of Michael’s mansion as he greeted everyone. Raven fixed her face to maintain a smile as she and Michael finally made it to the bottom of the stairs. She could feel her sister’s eyes studying her, taking in her designer dress, the signature red bottoms of her heels, and the diamond necklace and earrings glistening against her skin that Michael had bought her in Paris. It may have been a role, but Raven could not lie, she enjoyed dressing the part of a movie star’s girlfriend more than she thought she would. A petty part of her also did not hate the way her sister’s nose seemed to flare with jealousy at it. 

“How y’all doin? I’m Michael?” Michael stepped forward and offered her father and sister a hug. 

Raven’s eyes narrowed as her sister tried to linger in the very chaste hug Michael offered. Neither of them acknowledged her as they introduced themselves to Michael and his family, Raven awkwardly teetering on her heels behind him. 

“It’s so great to meet you, son. Loved that Tom Clancy movie of yours. Watch it all the time,” her dad boasted as if he was Michael’s greatest fan. 

Raven rolled her eyes behind Michael, knowing how much he hated when the first thing out of someone’s mouth when he meets them is their favorite role of his. 

“Thank you, thank you. That was a fun one.” Michael reached behind him and pulled Raven to his side. He protectively tucked her under his arm and smiled down at her. “Great girl you have here.” 

“Hey dad,” Raven offered, stepping forward to accept the half hug her father offered. She knew it was merely for show but she accepted it anyway. “Kiara,” her tone made her seem far more excited to see both of them than she was. But unlike her family, she was painfully aware of the studious eyes of Michael’s family watching them. And while their foundation had cracks the size of the Grand Canyon in it, she did not want Michael’s family to see them. 

Her sister could not even stop eye fucking Michael long enough to give her a hug. She merely nodded in her direction. 

Michael, thankfully, ended the awkward silence between the family members by gesturing for everyone to follow him to the kitchen. There, the island was heavily laden with food that his mom deemed ready to serve. Everyone grabbed serving dishes and started helping move things to the table. Seeing an opportunity to grab her father and her sister, Raven pulled them off to the side for a moment while Michael’s family got ready for dinner. 

There was an awkward silence as the three of them stood in Michael’s living room before Raven found her voice again. She did not know why she was nervous, this was her family after all. 

“Just wanted to see how the trip’s going? A-and ask if y’all had plans tomorrow. Thought maybe, you could come see my apartment? And then maybe we could go hiking to the Hollywood sign, it’s such a nice view of the city. And Michael got us all reservations at a new Japanese spot tomorrow night.” 

Kiara turned her nose up at the mere idea. “Hiking?? No. Dad’s taking me shopping tomorrow on Rodeo Drive. It’ll probably take up the whole day, sorry. But dinner with Michael sounds good.” 

Raven’s heart deflated a bit. Another outstretched hand pushed away. “Oh… yea of course. Shopping sounds fun. Maybe I could meet you all?” 

“That’s ok. We know you’re busy,” her dad interjected, waving his hand to dismiss her suggestion. 

“Oh… well, it’s just… you leave Saturday, I wanted to spend some time with y’all before you leave? I tried calling you both, I haven’t seen you all week. I invited you all out here, thought we’d get to at least spend a little time together before you leave.” 

“We’re spending time together right now. We’ve been really busy. We came to meet Michael and enjoy the city. That’s what we’ve been doing. Besides, we all know Michael paid for us to come, not you.”

Raven scoffed, already frustrated and they had not been there for more than 5 minutes. She regretted everything about this plan. Her time with Michael’s family, this sanctuary she had found with them in his home, now felt tainted as if their mere presence had poisoned that sweet, fresh air. She knew she should have been more excited to see them, after all, it had been longer than she could remember since she saw them in the flesh. But now, that small part of her that never wanted to see them again only seemed to get larger and larger with every moment she stood in their presence. 

Why do you even bother?

“Oh, should I start itemizing everything I’ve paid for in the last decade? Is that the best way to get yall to, you know, actually care to spend time with me? I mean I’ve been asking y’all to come out this way for years. I just thought… since we haven’t really seen each other in a while, this could be a good chance to reconnect. But shopping is more important than me, everything seems to be,” she muttered more to herself than to them. Before her sister could cut in with another smart comment, Raven added. “Can you make sure to thank Michael for this trip you’re enjoying so much? He really went all out of y’all.”

“You don’t need to lecture me on good manners, Raven. I did raise you both,” her father spoke up, clearly annoyed and bored of this conversation. 

Raven bit down the retort that she was not sure please and thank you were even phrases in their vocabulary and just nodded. 

“Is that all?” her sister asked cooly. 

“Yea, yea that’s all.” 

Both of them immediately left to return to the dining room where Michael’s family gathered, leaving Raven in the living room. She let out a deep shaky breath as a welcomed face popped out around the corner. However, she cringed slightly, fearful that he heard that entire exchange. 

She walked over to him, Michael immediately pulling her into a tight embrace. Her head thudded against his chest. “Please tell me you didn’t hear any of that.” 

“Don’t think me lying to you is gonna make you feel any better.” His fingers brushed aside the curls that spilled into her face. .

His hand rubbed soothing circles into her back before he kissed her on the top of her head. This time Raven did not even attempt to shy away, she fully melted into his embrace, at least as much as she could without breaking down. 

“Say the word and they’re gone,” he reminded her, leaning back so he could look in her eyes. 

Raven could tell he was completely serious, that he would kick both of them out without a second thought or a care. However, she knew that was not a possibility. 

“As much as I hate it, we need them, remember?” She sighed. “For once, I do actually need them. So I’m gonna do what I’ve always done.”

“And what’s that?” 

She shrugged, pulling herself out of his embrace. “Suffer through it.” She answered simply. 

“Anything I can do to help?” 

“Keep my glass full,” she answered bluntly. “I can already tell it’s gonna be a long fucking afternoon.”

***

“So Kiara, what do you do?” Donna asked as she sat down from transitioning the dinner dishes out and replacing them with dessert. 

Raven did not know how she was going to eat the slice of apple pie Michael cut for her. Everything had been so delicious, she had eaten two plates and would have gotten a third if her sister had not made a backhanded, loud compliment about her food and her figure. While she could count the number of plates she had eaten with ease, the same could not be said for the glasses of sangria. 

She had not lied when she said she needed it. Tipsy Raven cared far less about her sister’s consistent jabs to make her feel inferior and puff herself up to Michael nor did she care about how her father objectively ignored her for the entire dinner. He talked of her and around her but not once did he direct a question or comment to her. She could not tell which slight bothered her more, the disrespect or the disregard.  

“I was doing hair for a while but I really love to cook so I’m going back to school to be a chef.” 

Everyone around the table offered the appropriate congratulations and well wishes while Raven merely smiled and stopped herself from rolling her eyes. Kiara changed career paths about as often as she changed boyfriends, which was damn near monthly. Being a chef was just another way to throw her dad and Raven’s money down the toilet. 

“Once I finish school, maybe you can float some clients my way? My dream is to be a personal chef.” 

Raven downed her glass before filling it again. She found that drinking was the only way to stop herself from commenting on everything they did that frustrated her. However, that was an incredibly foolish drinking game to play. Because everything they did today seemed to frustrate her, every slight seemed amplified now that it was in the presence of Michael and his family. Each one fueled that anger she often ignored and suppressed. She should have known this was coming, that they would try to ask him for favors. She didn’t even ask him for favors. All they did was take and it was one thing to do that to her, but Michael did not deserve it. 

You don’t deserve it either, a small voice that sounded oddly like the man sitting next to her reminded her. 

“Maybe finish school first before you start chatting up my man for clients,” Raven teased, keeping her tone light and playful though she knew Kiara could see the lack of amusement in her eyes. 

“Well, we all gotta start somewhere right? Can’t all be big time like you, sis?” 

Raven smiled, “Well, you can be if you work hard… and don't rely on boyfriends, dad and I for everything,” she added the last part under her breath, however, she knew her sister could hear her. Michael’s hand went to rest of her thigh as if he could sense the change in her demeanor and mood almost immediately. 

“Oh we loved Raven’s book,” Donna offered, transitioning the conversation away from her sister. “Such a talented and vivid writer. I probably talked the poor girl’s ear off when we first met about it. Was she always like that?” 

Raven’s dad chuckled. “Yea she always had her nose buried in a book or a notebook writing somethin. She used to write these little short stories, got a drawer full of ‘em back at the house.” 

“That’s so sweet. I’m not much of a fantasy reader,” Donna admitted. “But she had me hooked from the first chapter. Such a beautiful story.” 

“Yea the book was really great,” he added lamely, unable to offer much beyond that because, as Raven knew, he had not read her book. “I always encouraged them both to follow their dreams, great to see her accomplish so much.” 

Something about hearing him talk about her passion, her life’s work, the thing she tolled and fought for and had to give up, as if he cared about it at all made all those years of suppressed rage finally boil over. She could suffer through a lot, it was true, but she could not listen to that, listen to him lie and pretend to be supportive or caring when he was nothing of the sort. And now, she did not even care who knew it. This was simply not a piece of fiction she would allow him to sell.  

“What was your favorite part of the book, dad?” Raven had not said much throughout dinner, allowing her sister to monopolize most of the conversation. However, it seemed as though Michael was the only person who realized the unfortunate turn their Thanksgiving dinner was about to take. He leaned in closer to her, quietly whispering in her ear but he knew his sweet nothings meant just that at this point: nothing. She was too far gone to hear them or register them. Her body felt as if it was almost vibrating with rage. He wished he could take her outside and give her a few plates to smash but he knew his mom would not appreciate that. 

“Oh all of it. Whole thing was great.” 

“Huh…” she muttered, taking a long gulp of her drink before reaching for the pitcher to refill it. “Who’s your favorite character?” 

“Maybe we should slow down on…” Michael quietly whispered in her ear, subtly trying to beat her to the pitcher but she grabbed it first and poured another large glass. She raised her hand to stop his sentence. 

“Didn’t realize there’d be a pop quiz,” he let out a deep chuckle as the tension around the table grew to levels that were impossible to ignore. 

“Not a pop quiz. Just tell me one thing about the book you loved so much and encouraged me to write. Favorite plot twist, favorite scene, favorite character… hell, name one character you remember at all?”

“What the fuck, Rae? What’s your problem?” 

Raven let out a humorless laugh as she leaned back in her seat. She downed her entire drink in one go, sitting the glass down before folding her arms casually. 

“What’s my problem? What’s my problem? Right now, my problem is this fiction you’re spinning as if you give a rat’s ass about my book, my career, or me when if someone put a gun to your head, you wouldn’t be able to tell them the name of my book, let alone anything about it. My problem is the fact that I invited you all here to spend time with me, my boyfriend, and his family, all for you to ignore me for most of dinner. My problem is that you wax poetic about stories I wrote as a kid when, if you had ever bothered to read a single one of them, you would have seen a child writing herself into literally any other world and family to escape the pitiful one she had. I have a lot of problems, too many to list right now. But the common denominator in all of them is you two.” 

Everyone’s movements and side conversations halted at her outburst. The silence and her deep breaths were only interrupted by Michael’s brother accidentally dropping his fork against his dinner china, the loud clanging filling everyone’s ears as they stared at Raven and her father.

She was not one to start a scene or draw attention to herself. But she could not let any of this go on for another moment. 

“Baby… why don’t we take a break for a minute?” Michael asked, standing to pull her chair out. Raven knew that if she sat there for a minute longer, she’d lose whatever little composure she had left, so she forced herself to heed Michael’s advice. She wiped her lips and immediately threw her napkin down on the table to stand and leave. 

“Excuse me.” 

However, as she turned around, she heard her father’s voice. 

“I didn’t mean to cause an issue. I tried my best with her and Kiara but you know, some kids are just harder to handle than others.”

As soon as those words hit her ears, she exploded. Before she even realized it, she had returned to the table and was leaning over it yelling at her father. 

“‘You tried your best??’ YOU TRIED YOUR BEST? You never tried! All you’ve done is give the bare minimum and suffer through my presence like I’m was a fuckin’ pest you couldn’t get rid of!” 

“You think you can talk to me that way? I’m still your father! All I’ve ever done is love you and take care of you.” 

Raven scoffed, throwing her hands in the air. Michael shifted so he was standing behind her, an arm wrapped around her waist as if to stop her from jumping across the table. It was not that he thought she would actually do anything, baby girl did not seem like the scrapping type. But he prayed his presence would calm her down if nothing else. This was a side of her he had never seen before. He could not lie, it was kinda sexy, seeing her finally stick up for herself and be assertive. 

In a part of her brain that felt distant and detached, she could feel Michael’s presence, hear his soft whispers to calm down. And she knew and appreciated what he was trying to do: stop her from doing something she’d ultimately regret. But at that moment, she did not know if she wanted to be stopped.

“All you’ve ever done is give me scraps! Scraps of support, scraps of your attention, but not an ounce of your love or affection. All to punish me for the sin of being born.” She had always bought into her family’s narrative that she was to blame for what happened. But it was as if the small voice that nagged at her her entire life was finally roaring. This was not her fault. No part of it was. “You can’t be mad at God for that shitty situation and you won’t be mad at mom for making her choice. So for 30 years, I’ve endured you hating me because you needed someone to be mad at. When you ignored birthday after birthday and accomplishment after accomplishment and need after need, I persisted in trying to win your love and win your affection. When you threw me out and cut me off after one year of college, I dusted myself off and kept going. When you rebuffed every attempt to reconnect and build a new relationship, I kept reaching out, kept trying. When you ignored me on every holiday and at every visit and everything, I still showed up. And when you ask for everything I have despite not deserving a cent of it, I give it. Every single time. Even after I lost my book deal last year and my career and didn’t know how I was gonna pinch pennies together for rent, I put myself and my needs last to help you two every single fuckin’ time. And you both expect me to be gracious for scraps while I kill myself to give you the Sun, Moon and stars and you take and you take and you take without so much as a thank you.” Every ‘take’ punctured by her hand slamming down on the farm-style dining table. “It’s not enough and I refuse to spend the next 30 years pretending it is. I’m done!” 

“God, you’re such an embarrassment,” Kiara muttered. 

“Oh fuck you, Kiara!” She cried out. “You miserable, attention-seeking bitch. You can say whatever you want about me but unlike you, I made something of my life and I did it all on my own. Meanwhile, you float through life without a single responsibility or thing to your name that someone else didn’t give you. And you can’t stand the fact that my life, despite both of your best efforts, is better than yours.” 

“Wow. Nice to know how you really feel about your family.” 

“I’ve never had a family. You both made damn sure of that. You want me out of your lives so bad? Fine. I’m out. Let’s see how far both of you get without taking from me. Get out. Both of you.” 

Raven had no authority to kick someone out of a house that was not even hers but she could not hope to care. She knew Michael would not argue with her or lobby for them to stay after she just cussed them out six ways to Sunday in front of his entire family. 

“You can’t kick us out!” 

“Yes she can,” Michael piped up, speaking for the first time since the blow up began. 

The intense stare down continued before her father and sister angrily stood up and stalked to the door. 

“And Kiara!” Her sister stopped walking to turn around to her. “Say another word about me or my relationship to the media and I won’t hesitate to tell this entire world what a shitty person and sister you are. See how your friends like that story then.”

Her sister merely glared at her before stomping out of the house behind their father. As soon as she heard the door shut, Raven felt the adrenaline in her system crash and the weight of what just happened set in. 

What the fuck did you just do? And in front of Michael’s family? 

She let out a shaky breath as a wave of shame hit her. “U-Um… I am… I am s-so so so sorry,” she whispered. She rang her hands together, unable to make eye contact with anyone in the room. She had not felt this embarrassed in a long time. “I-I should go too.” She pulled herself away from Michael and tried to race toward the door, ignoring his calls for her to stay. However, before she could leave the dining room, Michael’s mom stopped her. 

She grabbed the young woman’s hands and patted them softly. 

“No, no you aren’t. No one leaves my table till dessert is over. You’re gonna sit and finish your pie with family.” 

The tears brimming in Raven’s eyes spilled over. 

“I-I’m sorry for r-ruining dinner.” 

The older woman laughed. “That ain’t the first blow up this family’s seen at a dinner table… won’t be the last. Go on and sit down.” 

She steered Raven’s body back into Michael’s arms who pulled back her chair for her to sit. She ate her pie in silence, conversation flowing with ease around her. The Jordans acted as if her meltdown was just par the course, though she knew they were likely just trying to make her feel better. But still, she appreciated it. Within 15 minutes of eating dessert, the mood across the table felt lighter and easier than it had all day. Raven calmed down enough to laugh and joke. By the end of several rounds of drinks and a very rowdy spades game to cap off the evening, Raven’s heart and soul also felt lighter than they had in years.  

However, that quickly ended when she and Michael finally retreated to his suite for the evening. She collapsed onto the edge of his bed and kicked off her shoes, her movements sluggish and slow as if the weight of what she had done was finally creeping on her now that she was alone. 

“I’m… alone,” she whispered to herself. 

“What?” Michael crouched down in front of her, her eyes misting over slightly as she realized the truth. 

“I’ve always been alone for the most part… after my grandma died. And I couldn’t keep a relationship going for long ever. It’s always just been… me. But it was ok because even though they were awful, I still had… family a-and there was still hope that it could be something. But now… now I have no one cause they’ll never come around after what I said to them.” She rubbed her eyes with the palm of her hand. “I don’t regret it, I was holding on to something that just wasn’t ever gonna be anything. But the dead weight was… something? Didn’t expect how empty I’d feel without it.” She sniffled and wiped her eyes. “It’s stupid,” she whispered. “Sorry.” She cleared her throat and stood up to walk to his bathroom. “Give me a minute to get my life together and then we can do what you actually pay me for and not this sad shit.”  

Michael watched as she dapped her eyes in the mirror to rid them of tears before she reached behind her and pulled down the zipper of her dress. She looked gorgeous, her body clad in another one of her lingerie sets from Paris. This one was a nude brown that perfectly matched her skin. He knew she was merely trying to use sex to move on and forget, and he would oblige. But he could not do so without saying one thing.

“You have me.” It was not a question, but a firm statement. A matter of fact statement that left no room for arguments or questions. 

Raven’s hands paused as she tried to fix her hair for a few minutes. She turned and smiled at him, closing the distance between them. 

“Yea I have you… But this’ll end and you’ll find the right girl for you and then…”she shook her head, not wanting to think about that: being alone or being without him. “Thank you… for today.” 

She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. Usually, Michael initiated their kisses and they were domineering, hurried and passionate. While this moment held the same passion, it was slow and measured, each second inching past them. And Raven used every second to convey what her simple thank you could not. She prayed he felt it and appreciated it, because at that moment, the small action was all she had left to give. She did not have the energy for grand speeches or words. 

She broke off their kiss and slid down to her knees, assuming the same position she did almost every time they had sex.

However, tonight, Michael decided he needed something different, that she needed something different. His finger gently lifted her chin so her eyes were on him.  

“You take care of me every time we have sex. Let me take care of you for once.” 

He did not let her question it as he helped her to her feet and led her to his bed, gently pushing her down. She let out a dramatic huff that made him chuckle. 

He stood over her for a moment, his eyes taking in the hills of her breasts, the soft panes of her stomach, her thick plush thighs. He often found himself just staring at her and this moment was no different, moments where he wanted to commit her beauty to memory, burn her image in his brain matter. 

“You are fuckin’ gorgeous,” he whispered. “You know how beautiful you are?” he asked as he sucked on the skin of her neck. 

She turned her head, giving him more access to the skin of her neck as he sucked and bit. She whimpered slightly as his kisses moved down her body, savoring the taste of her soft supple skin. He took his time, however, this felt completely different than when he teased her. Then, he was purposefully avoiding giving her what she wanted. Now, her moans created the roadmap he followed. His lips and hands lingered where she needed them to, only pausing to shower her with praises. As his kisses continued, Raven lost all control of her senses, of the world around her. Everything else, the pain and emotions of the day faded away as every thought in her mind and every cell in her physical body turned their focus on him.

“I love everything about you. The way you moan, the way you beg me for more, the face you make when I make you cum.”

“Michael, please,” she whimpered.  

He paused his ministrations and grasped her chin with a featherlike touch, her eyes focusing on him. 

“I’m gonna take care you, I promise. Always. Trust me.” He hoped that the look in his eyes conveyed the truth, that her pleasure was not the only part of her he would take care of. He would worship and care for her mind, body, and spirit. 

His fingers hooked into her lace panties and slid them off, settling between her plush thighs for his favorite meal of the day. Her eyes clenched shut as he spelled his adoration and love for her with his tongue on her clit. Michael had always been a generous lover but river always bent toward his pleasure. Every action, while it brought her pleasure, carried the reminder that it was not for her pleasure, it was for his. And she loved it, craved it, got off on it. It was one of the benefits of the arrangement to her. 

But it had been so long since she had had sex like this, where the river flowed toward her and only her, where someone was so committed to bringing her mind numbing pleasure and ensuring she knew she was cared for and safe. She knew why he was doing it, after seeing how unsafe she was with her own family. She knew it was not real but she could not close the gates to her heart fast enough and stop herself from feeling it, from enjoying it. Every touch was gentle and sweet and let her know she was safe in his arms, safe in his sanctuary. And even though she knew she could not stay there with him forever, she loved him even more for letting her in from the cold for a moment. 

Michael’s eyes never left her face as he devoured her, every moan, groan, and plea for mercy spurred him on. Her thighs clamped around his head as he pushed her farther and farther up her mountain to the peak of desire. He knew Raven’s body almost as well as he knew his own now, increasing his speed and efforts when he felt her legs shake and heard her moans grow louder. 

It did not take much longer for Raven to feel the snap of a powerful orgasm crash over her. She let out a continuous stream of praise and lewd words as she road those waves of sweet bliss. 

“That’s it, baby. Cum for me. Fuck, you taste so good.” He emerged from between her legs, kissing her deeply. 

He wrapped his arm around her waist and used his strength to hoist her farther up onto the bed. He placed her legs on his shoulders and lined himself up with her entrance. Raven offered him a raised eyebrow at the position choice, she could not remember the last time they did missionary on the bed like this. On creative surfaces, like tables? Sure. 

“I wanna look you in the eye when I make you cum. Keep your eyes on me, baby,” he whispered, Raven’s heart’s fluttering as she felt him fill her to the brim. 

“Fuckkkk,” she cried out as he drove into her deeply. Every stroke felt like heaven, a promised land he was so graciously sending her to. There was a vulnerability to the position that she had not expected, the way he looked at her with every thrust forward and retreat. 

“Look at me.” He demanded as her eyes fluttered closed. As soon as her eyes were trained on his, he uttered three words Raven never would have thought to hear from his lips. “I love you.” 

Raven was rendered speechless, her moans catching in her throat as she felt her stomach drop 100 stories. 

Did he say what I think he said? She thought to herself, her brain trying to cut through layers of pleasure fog to work properly. 

“You deserve the entire world, Rae. You deserve someone who’ll  give you this world… the sun, the moon, and the stars. And I don’t deserve you, I don’t deserve this. But I’ll spend everything I have, I’ll give everything I am to make sure you got it. I want more than an arrangement and six months with you… I want you, all of you, for as long as you’ll allow me.” 

His words directly clashed with the narrative she had in her mind, the seeds of doubt life and her family had sowed. And despite her heart begging her to scream the words back at him, those doubts stopped her. She heard his words but she did not believe them or rather, she could not believe them.  

She did love him, she was so in love with him. It was a devastating, beautiful, painful, once-in-a-lifetime sort of love she thought she would only read in the pages of love stories. But she felt it… every devastatingly beautiful moment of it every time she was in his presence, every time she felt his touch, every time he comforted her or looked into her eyes. 

But the words, those three precious words, were stuck in her throat. A barrier of fear and doubt, made even heavier by the events of the day, weighed them down. Instead of celebrating that the man she so desperately loved felt the same about her, she could only focus on how that just could not simply be true. The story she had built in her mind that she was not good enough, that she did not deserve him, that he could never love her, a part of her brain clung to it as a lifeline. She had given Michael this grand speech about living and falling but she could not do it herself. Because if she gave in and  allowed him to love her, truly love her, and then this was all a lie? That was the crash she did not think she could survive. She could handle her family hurting her. It knocked her down but she could always get back up again. But Michael? He would be her armageddon. If he hurt her, she would not get back up again. 

The avalanche was hurling toward her once again, only this time she was standing at the bottom without a barrier or way to outrun it. She was mere feet away from being swept up by it and all the emotion and vulnerability it brought in its wake. The day had just been too much, too heavy. And emotionally, she had not been prepared for any of the twists and turns the day had brought. She suddenly felt overwhelmed, so out of control of everything, particularly her emotions, the one thing she usually had under control. 

She felt tears sting the back of her eyes but she knew they were not good tears, the tears Michael usually induced during sex. No, these were entirely different. She quickly realized she needed a break, a moment. And the only thing in this world that she could control in this particular moment was the man above her. He was the catalyst every single time, the cannon blast that started the avalanche, that forced her to feel everything all at once. And she needed that to stop. She needed him to stop. 

“Wakanda…” she choked out, her voice as broken and small as she felt. 

She did not have a chance to repeat it as Michael immediately stopped his movements in mid stroke, his face stricken and concerned. 

“Shit.” He slid out of her without a second thought  and braced himself over her, shocked to find tears streaming down her face, her body trembling. He  immediately grabbed the blanket that was hanging half off the bed, wrapping her nude form tightly in it. “Hey, hey. You’re ok, you’re ok. You’re having a panic attack. Deep breaths for me.”

Raven curled into a small ball under the blanket, gasping for breath. Michael pressed her hand into his chest. 

“Focus on me, baby girl. That’s it. Deep breaths.” 

She closed her eyes and focused on the faint thumps of his heart in his chest, the way it rose and fell against her hand as she tried to sync up her breathing to his. He held tightly to her hand as she took long deep breaths. It felt like hours passed before either of them moved, before she felt calm enough to speak, but she knew it had likely only been a few minutes. 

“First a concussion,” she wiped her tears. “And now, a panic attack. I must be the worst woman you’ve ever had sex with,” she let out a watery chuckle. 

“Or the best?” he offered in a voice so gentle and quiet, it made a new set of tears well up in her eyes. She did not deserve him. “What happened? Did I hurt you?” 

She shook her head. “N-no, you d-didn’t. I j-just couldn’t… you can’t look at me l-like that o-or keep doing stuff l-like this. Pretending you love me just to make me feel b-better.” She shook her head rapidly. “I know you feel obligated to be g-gentle and shit when I’m having a bad day. But i-it’s just confusing. I know t-this isn’t real a-and I c-cant take anyone else pretending to love me or care about me when they r-really don’t.”  

“I’ve never done anything for you that I didn’t want to do, Raven. I’m not kind and gentle with you because I feel obligated. I’m kind and gentle because I want to be, because you deserve it. Do you find yourself so undeserving of all these things that it is that hard to believe that I’m in love with you? That I do all this shit for you because this is real to me??” 

“There’s no way that is true! You don’t love me!” She argued. 

“Yes I do!” 

Raven wanted to pull her hair out and scream at him. “Stop saying that! W-we are just fantasies to each other, Michael! P-playing a role that the other needs filled and j-just because the fantasy is nice, doesn’t mean I should kid myself into believing it is real. You’ll toss me aside as soon as this agreement is done because everything you feel is based on a fantasy!”

“You aren’t some fantasy to me, Raven!” 

“Fine! Not a fantasy! But everything we are is conditional… even you have to admit that. I mean we have a fuckin’ contract! Everything we are is based on me fulfilling those conditions! You can dress me up like a girlfriend but I know what I am when the cameras go away, Michael. I’m the girl you met in a hotel who was paid to fuck you!” 

He jumped off the bed and grabbed his phone, thrusting it into her hand. “Robert Pearson. Call him.” 

“W-who is that?” she asked, completely bewildered by the change in the conversation. 

“He’s one of the top reporters at TMZ. Call him, call him right now and tell him this whole thing is a fuckin’ sham. Hell, want me to start an Instagram live for you so you can tell the whole fucking world? I’ll do it.” 

She threw the phone back on the bed and stood up, wrapping the blanket around her like a dress. “I’m not gonna fucking call anyone or do that!” 

“But you could! That’s my point! You could call TMZ right now and tell him this whole thing was a sham, sell a fuckin’ tell all and I’d still love you. I’d honestly thank you for it because then I wouldn’t have to pretend I only love you because of some arrangement. I could admit that I love you for you. I love you for your vulnerability, your spirit, the fact that you give and you give and expect nothing in return and don’t even stop giving all of yourself when everyone else would. I love that you talk in fuckin’ sonnets and monologues. I love your relentless optimism and hope. I love your smile, the way you can’t look someone in the eye when they compliment you but it lights up your entire being. I love that you’ve got a wild imagination and you're quirky and funny and…” he threw his hands up in the air. “I. Love. You. I am in love with you. You can keep telling me to stop saying it, you can ignore it, pretend you don’t hear it, you can reject it. But it won’t change it. I love you. No conditions, no expectations. Just you for you. The question is do you love me?” he demanded. 

“It’s not that simple!” She tried to move around him but he blocked her way. She needed to get out of her, needed to escape this chaos. “Move, Michael.” 

“No! It is that simple. Do you love me? Forget everythin’ else. What you think you do and don’t deserve. Do. You. Love. Me?” 

“Of course, I fuckin’ love you!” she cried out. “I fell in love with you the morning I woke up with a concussion and you were sitting in my hospital room. I love you! But t-there’s… no one loves me like that. What you’re claiming to feel… no one feels that for me a-and there’s no way that you, a man who could get any one of the billions of women on this planet, would be the first. There’s no way you would settle for loving me.” She let out a deep sigh. “A-and my heart can’t take it… I can’t take the rejection and pain from people I love who don’t love me back anymore. I c-can’t. Which means I can’t believe that you love me. I’ve taken all I can take a-and if I accept that you love me, then I risk you rejecting o-or hurting me. And when you do, it’ll kill me.” The last word hung in the air as she sank down to the floor by his bed, her head buried in her hands. 

Michael settled down on the floor next to her, his hand grasping hers as he intertwined their fingers. There was so much to unpack in her words, so much that he knew he would not be able to convince her of or solve in one night. But there was one thing he knew he could assure her of right then and there. 

“There were a hundred ways I could’ve spun what happened between us that first night, hundreds of ways I could’ve dealt with you that would not have led us to this moment. But I chose the road I chose, not so I could have a body to use or fix a crisis. But because you stole my soul the moment you turned around in that hotel room. Loving you isn’t fuckin’ settling, it’s everythin’ I’ve wanted for damn near a decade but didn’t think I could have again. We’ve been standing on the edge of this cliff, waiting for the other to be ready to jump for months now. And I’m ready and you’re holdin’ on for dear fuckin’ life. I’m askin’ you to let go and trust that I won’t hurt you. I know that’s scary… shit I’m scared too. But I’m willing to jump if you are.” His thumb wiped away her falling tears before kissing her on the forehead. “I’m not lookin’ for an answer tonight, love. I know today… this week’s been a lot for you. I didn’t mean to add another thing on top of all the other shit, I just… needed you to know how I felt.” 

“Don’t… don’t apologize. I-I j-just got overwhelmed b-by everything. It’s been a day of unexpected emotional confessions,” she chuckled. “I…” she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m really scared. Scared of being hurt, scared of falling even more in love with you a-and another good thing being taken from me. B-But I want this for real with you too. I don’t wanna keep pretending what we have isn’t real when we know it is. If you’re ready to jump, so am I. And we can just be scaredy cats while we fall together?” 

He pulled her into his lap and pressed his lips to hers softly. “Not a fan of you callin’ me a  scaredy cat,” he teased. “But yea. I meant it when I told you, you’re safe with me. All of you. And I’ll do whatever I gotta do to make sure you believe that shit.” 

Her heart fluttered a bit. She knew he meant his words. If there was one thing she had always been with Michael, it was safe. And she adored that about him. 

“I love you,” she whispered. 

“I love the way that shit sounds. Say it again.” . 

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” her lips tugged upward into a grin as he started peppering her face with kisses and having her repeat the phrase over and over again. He picked them both off the ground and continued kissing her and causing her to giggle as he placed her back in bed. 

He settled her under the covers and pulled her tightly into his arms. Their legs were quickly tangled in each other’s as she laid her head on his chest. They laid there in silence for a while before Raven sat up. As much as she enjoyed cuddling in his arms, Raven wanted more. Emboldened by their confessions of love, she pushed herself to her knees and straddled his hips. 

“You used your safe word. We ain’t gotta…” she pressed a finger to his lips stopping him. 

“I know what I want and need, Bakari,” she whispered, using his nickname, which was only reserved for family and close friends for the first time. Michael was not much of a crier but hearing his nickname on her lips made his heart skip one or two beats, made tears sting the back of his eyes.  “And I want you. You showed me how much you loved me… now let me show you.” She gave him a sly smirk before shifting between his legs to taste him. 

The pair lost track of how many times they moaned or screamed those three magic words to each other. But by the time they were finished, their bodies a tangled mess of limbs and bodily fluid, Raven knew, in her heart, that his words were true. And so she fell asleep nestled in his warm embrace, feeling true happiness with anther person for the first time in her life.

Tag List: @readinghere2023 @blackerthings @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @physicxal @purplehairgawdess @miyuhpapayuh @rueruesclues @geemamii @certifiedlesbianbaddie @pipsqueak-98 @nyifly22 @destinio1 @twocentaur @gopaperless @musicisme333 @roguekiki @majesticbrownjawn @taurusqueen83 @mysteryuz @miamormilan @itsknor-thedeep @naj-ay444 @mads-grace4 @nayaesworld @kholdkill @msniaimani @nccu-rnc @apenasumlug4r

***

A/N: The babes finally confessed their love for each other!!! Woohoo! How do you think our two lovebirds make the jump from fake romance to a real relationship? Thank you for reading! Drop a comment and let me know what you thought :)

[justabigoldnerd]

For the WIP tag game, I have to know more about number 16, the Soviet Russia Memes Incident, please!

AKHDJSSKHDJ Okay so I was inspired by these memes:

And started writing a modern crack fic where Solo and Gaby torment Illya with them 😅

Here's a snippet, under the cut!

"So," Waverly started, leaning back in his chair, "Would either of you like to tell me exactly how this happened?" He gestured between the two men vaguely.

Solo moved the icepack he was holding against his swollen eye to glance over at Illya. The Russian wasn't in much better shape; blood was drying around his nose, and a colorful bruise blossomed along his jaw. He was sitting up perfectly straight, his arms crossed and a frankly pissed expression on his face. Solo rolled his eyes and flexed his sore knuckles.

"I….may have misused the work group chat."

"'Misused,'" Illya scoffed under his breath.

"Misused, how?" Waverly prompted.

"In my defense," Solo drawled as he wrangled his phone from the inner pocket of his blazer, "They were hilarious."

A crease formed in Waverly's brow as he accepted the phone, but as he scrolled through the seemingly endless number of messages, his confusion gave way to annoyance. "To be perfectly honest, Mr. Solo, I am impressed at just how many of these you were able to find."

"I made a few of them myself," he preened, "I'm particularly fond of the 'in Soviet Russia, its not iPhone, its OURPhone' one."

"Is not funny," Illya grumbled.

"Right. Mr. Solo, I believe some sensitivity training is in order. However, I don't believe the onslaught of memes warranted an assault. So, in lieu of a harsher penalty, I'll just have you apologize to each other."

Solo huffed, and looked to Illya, who mirrored his indignation.

Waverly leaned forward again and clicked his pen threateningly, "Or would you prefer paperwork only for a month?"

With a sigh, Solo shifted in his chair to half-face Illya, "I'm sorry for sending you a hundred Soviet Russia memes, Peril."

"One hundred and thirty five," he corrected through gritted teeth.

"You counted?"

"When messages keep you up all night, nothing else to do but count."

"It wasn't-" Solo tried to protest, but a pointed look from Waverly made him stop short, "I'm sorry for sending you one hundred and thirty five Soviet Russia memes."

Illya's glare didn't waver in intensity, even as he tipped his head to the side and held Solo's gaze. He was silent for a few moments, then took in a deep breath and muttered, "I am sorry for punching your face. Might have been overreaction."

Solo chewed the inside of his cheek, unable to conjure much anger when he was faced with Illya's ridiculously adorable head tilt, and he had no right to be that attractive with blood smearing his face. 

"I didn't break your nose, did I?" he asked before he could stop himself, in a soft tone that made him curse inwardly. Maybe Illya had concussed him.

In a fraction of a second, something flickered behind Illya's murderous stare, and he turned away with a shrug. He cleared his throat and stared at a missed spot in the freshly polished tile. "Doesn't feel broken."

"Good," Solo nodded, an extremely unfamiliar feeling of awkwardness churning in his stomach.

"Well then," their boss cut in, sounding more like a middle school principal than the commander of an international espionage force, "Now that's all settled, Mr. Solo, I expect you to be front row at next week's sensitivity seminar. Otherwise, you're both dismissed."

"Thank you, sir," Solo beamed bitterly as he stood, "Looking forward to it."

Illya mumbled a similar acknowledgment and slunk out of the office. Once Solo shut the door behind them, he sighed and mused, "Now the only question is how did Gaby get out of this one."

"No idea," Illya shook his head, "Even screenshots I took were altered. Without my knowledge. Couldn't even track changes."

"She's getting too good at this game," Solo tsked, a bit of pride swelling in his chest nevertheless.

"Da. We make her pay."

"How do you suggest we do that?"

His partner's fingers drummed against his leg, and the muscle in his jaw jumped as he considered their options. "We take engine."

"The whole thing?"

The corner of Illya's mouth quirked up in a poorly hidden smile, "Is just bizarre enough to be good payback."

"She's gonna be pissed," Solo laughed quietly, "Hide it in rendezvous three- no, two. The storage rack in there is taller."

Illya nodded along, mischief washing away the anger in his eyes, and checked their surroundings before giving Solo's chest a pat, "Come on, Cowboy. Let's go steal an engine."

[luvhynjinnnn]

songs of you ✰

"I've never loved anyone the way I love you"

synopsis. songs that remind me of different stray kids members genre. fluff, hurt/angst, comfort, allusions to sex pairings : hyung line skz! x fem!reader these are just drabbles that popped into my head while I was listening to music so they probably aren't the best lol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

bang chan - "playing games - summer walker & bryson tiller"

you and chan had been dating for about three years. people think that life with a k-pop idol was all glamour and unicorns and rainbows. and dating chan was. until it wasn't. now, he was rarely home. he was always either on tour, or at the studio, or at the gym, or the dorms overworking himself. and he never sent you so much as a text to tell you he was staying over. he'd rather simply let you stay up until 3am waiting.

and god knows that the two of you had this conversation so many times. and every time it ended with him apologizing. saying he won't do it again. until he did it again. and again. and again. that's how the two of you ended up here. in this argument. he'd came home while you were laying down, mindlessly scrolling through social media in an attempt to forget about the ruins of your relationship. walking into your shared bedroom, he began talking about something. some promotions or something. truth be told, you weren't listening. maybe he noticed that. maybe that's how you ended up here. in this exact spot.

you were now sitting on the side of the bed, with him standing in front of you between your thighs. "you act like I'm asking you to drop everything and run off with me!" you shout, your voice shaky as tears threatened to spill over, "did I ever ask you to take me to go shopping in Paris? or go sailing overseas and just drape me in Gucci? I don't think so!" the tears teetering over the edge of your eyes had finally fallen and you quickly dropped your head, now looking at your feet, as you refused to let him see you cry. "all I've ever asked was for you to pick up your phone when you're alone. all I've ever asked was for you to show me some love. you don't show me off to the boys and you never come home anymore." your voice had finally returned to it's normal state as you sucked in a breath. the two of you stayed there, for what felt like an eternity. when he didn't say a word, you looked up and met his gaze.

tears rolled down his face but he didn't move. not one sniffle or whimper left him. he simply stood there. you finally stood and placed both of your hands on either side of his cheeks, using your thumbs to slowly wipe away the tears. "chan.." you whisper before he cuts you off.

"don't do this. don't break up with me. you're my world. my universe. you're everything I've ever needed in this lifetime. I've never loved anyone the way I love you. I'm sorry. I know I've said that before but.. but I truly am. I love you so much. I love you in a way that it hurts." he says, tears still rolling down his cheeks and splashing onto your thumbs. his bottom lip quivered slightly. your heart broke at the sight; although you'd had this conversation before, he'd never given you this reaction.

"chan. I'm not breaking up with you. I'm.. I'm just tired." you sigh. "I'm tired of not feeling like a priority for you. I love you too. more than anything. and you know I'm so incredibly proud of you and your accomplishments. I'm just sick of feeling this way."

"I'll make a better effort. I'm sorry I made you feel this way. and I'm even more sorry that you felt like you couldn't talk to me." he sighs, running a hand through his hair.

you lean into him, pressing a kiss to his lips before whispering, "me too"

lee know - "don't - bryson tiller"

minho had been your best friend for god knows how long. honestly, you couldn't remember a point in your life where he wasn't your best friend. or when you weren’t in love with him. he'd always been a shoulder for you to cry on, arms to snuggled under, a body to curl into while you slept. he was just always there.

today had been no different. today, you'd been complaining to minho about how your boyfriend of four years had been acting different lately. today, you sat on your best friend's couch in his apartment and cried. now, you felt as though you had no tears left to cry. you felt as though you still needed to cry yet you lacked the fluids to force the tears to fall.

your best friend walked into the living room with two coffee mugs in hand. he slipped you one before the couch dipped and he sat down on your right. you took a sip before your face immediately twisted up and your tongue stuck out involuntarily. "what the fuck is this, Minho?" your head turned to face him as you placed the cup down in your lap.

"coffee." he shrugged, "and vodka". he sipped the concoction before placing it onto the coffee table in front of him. cautiously taking another sip, you leaned into him and placed your head on his chest. you felt his entire body tense but he simply sat there. "wrap your arms around me, I'm grieving." you whine.

his heart tugs at the sound of your voice. "but I don't wanna”, he whines as well. you huff and take another sip of the hazardous waste and lean into his chest. “i miss him” you say, barely above a whisper but you knew minho heard you.

he tsks, “why? you’re so stupid, you miss a guy who’s not treating you right. he’s not worth your time anyway” minho wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings, you knew that. but you couldn’t help but tear up at his words. not because he was being mean, because he was right. “i know. maybe it’s my fault. maybe if i was a better girlfriend - or a better person - this wouldn’t be happening.” your lip quivers slightly as you speak.

he frowns at your sullen words, “now i know you’re stupid. shockingly, you’re a good person. he’s just a dumbass for not treating you the way you deserve.” he leans forward, careful not to disturb you, and takes another sip of the “coffee” before wrapping one arm around you and gripping the mug in the other. you feel yourself releasing tension you didn’t even know you had as you eased even further into him. that was another thing you loved about being in minho’s presence.

you felt so comfortable around him. something you rarely felt around other people. and minho was so blunt with you. he never sugarcoated things that other people would. “he really only fucked you over cause you let him. fuck him, i guess he didn’t know any better.” he sighed, rubbing his temple.

“he says that he still loves me, minho”

“does he? more importantly, do you? that man didn’t show any effort. i do all i can just to show you you’re special. some days i feel like i’m falling apart but i’m certain it’s your love that holds me together.”

you furrow your eyebrows and shift your body so you were now looking up at minho. “you say he keeps on playing games and his “loving” ain’t the same. i don’t know what to say but, what a shame” he rolls his eyes, pressing his lips into a thin line. “if you were mine, you wouldn’t get the same. if you were mine you would top everything”

perplexed, you tilt your head. “what are you talking about, minho?”

“he’s the only reason that i’m feeling this way. i could treat you better than he can” he places his hand on the small of your back, flashing you a half smile. you search his eyes for any bit of ingenuity until you realize that there is none. “what are you saying?” you cock an eyebrow, waiting for him to elaborate.

he rolls his eyes, scoffing. “why are you so dense? i’m in love with you. i’ve never loved anyone the way i love you.” he huffs.

oh.

oh.

he was in love with you? your best friend, the one that you’d been in love with for longer than you could even remember, was in love with you? your eyes slowly widen at his sudden confession and you struggle to find the words to respond. “min..” was all that came out.

“if you don’t feel the same, we could always blame this on the alcohol and pretend it didn’t happen.” he whispers with a sad smile.

“but i wanna remember this” you say before closing the gap between the two of you and leaning forward to kiss him. it was better than you could’ve ever imagined. sparks flew and it just felt right. like your lips were only ever molded for each other.

“i love you, lee minho” you whisper into his lips between breaths.

seo changbin - “snooze - sza”

much similarly to the rest of the 3RACHA members, changbin was rarely ever home, meaning you rarely ever saw him. but the only difference was that he cherished the moments he had with you. whether it was when he spoke to you on the phone for 5 minutes on his break, or when he spent his off day at home.

but no matter what, changbin always reminded you that he’d do anything for you. even when you’d been going through your rough patches, like now. to be completely honest, you had no clue how this even occurred. it began with a disagreement. but all you knew was you were afraid that he’d break up with you. he hadn’t spoken to you about the disagreement or came home since it happened.

so when you surprised him by coming to the studio after hours, he couldn’t help but admire you. from his desk, he watched as you sat on the couch and scrolled through your phone, occasionally fidgeting with your fingers as you sat in each other’s presence. he couldn’t believe how you could be so beautiful doing such a normal thing. he hated fighting with you, you were his everything.

somehow, you sensed his eyes burning holes - affectionate holes - into your head. you glanced up and immediately met his gaze. “yes bin?” you said, watching the way blush quickly crept up onto his face. without saying a word, he stood up and sat beside you on the couch. you assumed he’d begin speaking about the issue but apparently he had other plans. his big hands immediately went to your hips and pulled you onto his lap. you yelped at the sudden move but you continued fidgeting with your fingers, looking down. “i’m sorry” he sighs, “for everything. i’m sorry that we had this disagreement and that i haven’t come home.”

you slowly look back up at him, analyzing his face; his beautiful yet tired face. his curly black hair fell across his forehead with his glasses pushed all the way up, resting on the bridge of his nose. he was wearing a black compression shirt with grey sweatpants; his eyes locked onto yours.“i love you.” he suddenly blurts out.

you blush at his confession, “i know, you’ve told me that everyday for the past two years”

“you know i’d do anything for you, right? mobbing, scheming, looting, hide your bodies. as long as you’re dreaming about me, there’s no problem.”

his list of crimes didn’t faze you, as you were used to him constantly reminding you that he’d do anything for you. you nod, silently. “i don’t have anybody, i’m just with you. tell the truth, i look better under you. i don’t like when i’m not with you. when we miss moments together”

he grins at your words, clearing his throat. “i can’t lose when i’m with you. how can i snooze and miss the moments? you’re just too important. i thought you were gonna leave me.” he sighs again.

“you was scared i was gonna leave and I'm the main one cryin'? just trying be your everything, your main one riding.”

“you’ll always be my world. i couldn’t imagine my life without you. i’ve never loved anyone the way i love you.” he pouts, jutting his bottom lip out.

you press your lips to his.

“i love you too bin”

hwang hyunjin - “favorite mistake - giveon”

hyunjin had been part of your life since you were in the sixth grade. well, not your life, per se. more so, your older brother’s life. hyunjin and your older brother, felix, had become friends in the seventh grade, and the rest was history. they were only a year older than you so you’d always gone to the same school as them, which resulted in the three of you always walking to school, walking home, and hanging out after-school together.

and you’d had a crush on him ever since. when you first met him through felix, you immediately thought he was cute. but the more you got to know him, the more you found yourself attracted to him. his personality, his looks, everything about him was the embodiment of perfection.

you never thought anything much of your crush, knowing that he didn’t reciprocate and that felix didn’t approve. when you once complimented hyunjin’s looks to felix, he immediately shut you down.

“i said no. i don’t want you liking hyunjin, end of story.” felix narrowed his eyes at you. “why not? hyunjin’s cute and you don’t even know if he likes me back!!” you whine, rolling your eyes.

“because hyunjin is my friend and trust me, i know for a fact he doesn’t like girls younger than him.”

and you respected felix’s wishes. as far as he was concerned.

once your freshman year of college rolled around, you noticed a change in hyunjin’s behavior. whenever he came over to hang out with felix, he’d always slip away and meet you in the kitchen. you’d talk about everything and nothing until he had to return to felix before he got suspicious.

hyunjin found himself feeling comfortable in your presence. he enjoyed the deep conversations and how much you had in common. you both loved to paint, and dance, and read. you were so similar yet so different and he loved it.

which is how he ended up kissing you on the couch of yours and felix’s shared apartment during your weekly movie night. felix had gone to the bathroom and the two of you had been talking about the scene that just passed. when you turned to face him, his eyes flickered between your eyes and your lips, which didn’t go unnoticed by you. you leaned in and kissed him and he gladly accepted it.

you quickly pulled away when you heard the bathroom door swing open and the boy emerged from it. you were thankful for the dim lights of the living room, so felix wouldn’t be able to see the blush on your face.

the next day, hyunjin came over during the afternoon. you looked at him with a puzzled expression, “felix isn’t here. you know he’s at work for another hour”. hyunjin walks into the house regardless, uninvited might you add.

“i’m not here for felix. ever since you kissed me, i can’t stop thinking about you.” his eyes darted all around the room, and he ran a hand through his already tousled hair, “i really like you. and i know you like me too. i’ve never loved anyone the way i love you..”

“hyunjin, i do like you too. but..” you bit your bottom lip nervously, “i promised felix i wouldn’t get with you. he’d hate me and you too.” he suddenly clutched his chest with his hand and groaned, “the girl i love doesn’t want me??”

you giggle at his drama, “we’re like Romeo and Juliet except it’s not our parents keeping us apart, it’s my stupid brother.”

“who says he has to know?” he shrugs.

“what are you getting at?”

“we can be together in secret” he whispers the last part as if you aren’t the only ones home. “felix doesn’t have to know. nobody has to know, it’ll be our little secret.”

it took some convincing but you eventually agreed to see hyunjin in secret. what could you say? the boy was very convincing. neither of you wanted him to leave so you settled on the couch to watch a movie.

“i remember what happened last time we were on this couch” he whispers, wriggling his eyebrows. “oh really? i’m not sure what you’re talking about, can you remind me?” you tilt your head, feigning innocence. he smirks before placing his hand on the back of your neck, leaning in and closing the gap between you.

it’s just as amazing as the first, yet somehow better and you can’t imagine ever kissing anyone else. and that’s how it all began. the constant meet ups when felix was at work or in class. the secret dates. the anonymous flowers and gifts being sent to your apartment. felix was curious, but not suspicious. he was happy you’d found someone and that (as far as he was concerned) it wasn’t hyunjin.

one day, felix came to you, seemingly distressed. “have you spoken to hyunjin lately?” he asks, eyebrows furrowed. shit. you shake your head vigorously, “no, i haven’t seen him. why?”

“he’s been acting weird. he’s been bailing on our hang outs and he’s not texting me back. he’s been.. distant” you felt for your brother, you really did. he was worried about his best friend, and you knew the truth. but the truth would break him.

“i’m really sorry lix. i haven’t seen him, though.” he offers you a sad smile and retreats to his bedroom.

later that day, when hyunjin meets you at your favorite coffee shop, you talk to him over two iced Americanos. “hyune.. i don’t know if this is the right thing to do. felix is upset. he says you’ve been distant and he hasn’t seen you. i don’t want to take you away from your best friend”

he takes your hands in his, “we both know it’s wrong but you’re still coming over. even when you’re gone, the feelings just grow stronger. should leave it alone but you’re still coming closer. we both know it’s wrong, can’t keep this for long.”

your stomach churns at his words, because you know he’s right. even though you both know that you shouldn’t be doing this, its as though your gravitated to him. and if it’s wrong, you don’t want to be right..

“look at what you do to me, our secret's safe so you're my favorite mistake. look in my eyes, can you find the lies? do you feel alive?”

you look into his eyes, they’re pleading. he’s pleading for you to not end this. you glance away.

“look in my eyes, do you mind the lies? do you feel alive?”

you nod, “i really love being with you, hyune. but i can’t bear hurting felix. either we tell him or we can’t be together.”

he looks at you with sad eyes but nods slowly. “i understand. he’s my best friend and i don’t wanna hurt him. you’re so caring.” he smiles.

he leans in and kisses you for the last time as a secret couple.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n : wowowow.. i feel like these drabbles progressively got worse 😭 if you couldn’t tell, they were supposed to be reciting the song lyrics lolol. can you tell that hyunjin is my bias ? 😭

[littlegreenfag-apology-archive]

Hey, it's Dean/littlegreenfag. I don't really know how to open this, honestly, and don't really want to spend much time on that-- I kind of want this to be as succinct but comprehensive as possible. This is a sort of one-time, one-off account-- its as complete as an apology I can really give you guys. This account is going to do that; be as complete as a collection of addresses as I can really make, because I honestly want to be able to continue to, well.. exist on the internet. I am going to be making a new account (pretty obviously not this one) and I ask that you guys please don't just go and harass it without cause, if you find it. I'd really appreciate that. I do not want to be ran off of every platform I go to with pitchforks. I've sorted this into a bulleted list for efficiency's sake. When I read through my callout post, and the callout blog, i noticed a lot of, like.. fluff words. I'm trying to cut down on that here. It is completely and totally true that I’m not Romani. I have confessed to this, both on the account I deleted and many times afterwards, and am incredibly sorry for telling that lie. I first told it nearly a decade ago, when I wasn't even a teenager yet, and didn’t fully consider or understand the severity of the lie, and how disgusting it was. I know that’s no excuse, and that even as an eleven year-old I should have known better. I just want you to know the context-- this is not an excuse, or a justification, or even me trying to provide a reason-- it's just wrong. I should have absolutely confessed earlier, but I was too afraid to admit it. It spiraled out of control, and I’m sorry that I let it get to that level. I completely understand and accept if some people will not forgive me for this, and I am deeply, extremely sorry to all the people i hurt with that lie. I have no expectation of forgiveness, nor expectation of 'total understanding.' I'm just really sorry for this lie i told.

I am Jewish, and I will continue to say I am Jewish, but there seems to be quite literally no way for me to prove that to anyone short of doxxing myself. The people claiming I was lying about being Jewish (and even going so far as to call my dead relatives “Holocaust OCs”) are one of the things that hurt the most. Due to the nature of my situation, I can no longer practice my religion. I am going to a college in Michigan next fall, and there’s a nearby synagogue. I plan to once again become a fully observant Jew at that point. I have seen people and heard of people claiming that I am a polish catholic pretending to be jewish for pity points, and going so far as to release entire videos of scrolling through "my" dms with the account where I claim to be 'soon converting' to judaism. this account has not, and HAD not, ever reached out to me when they released the callout post-- even before I had deleted my old account. I have quite literally NEVER dmed them before, and it is disgusting that people would go so far to continue to make new posts and dedicate entire accounts to claiming new and increasingly absurd things about my past out of nowhere besides a callout post. I, pretty frankly and politely as possible, don't really care if you guys believe if I'm jewish or not, but my 'true jewishness' is not and will never be something for people to make judgements about.

-I understand that I have hurt a lot of people with the lie that I told, and they have every right to be mad. However, it has escalated to a sort of harassment that I find unacceptable. Complete strangers, people who didn’t even know me before I deactivated, were calling me a bitch and a cunt and saying that my parents “should knock some sense into me” and that I should put a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger. Your anger is completely valid, but that level of insults and harassment I was receiving was a genuinely terrifying margin. Again-- nobody is under any obligation to forgive me, but threats against my life and the life of my pets is not something I ever want to receive.-The “littlegreenfag-archive” blog has threatened to dox me many times, both directly on anon on my account and indirectly through their posts. They, allegedly, know my address and the contact information of both of my parents. They have also released my deadnames and childhood nicknames in a post, another behavior that I find unacceptable and extremely creepy. Their claims to have been 'suggesting multiple times in anon for me to come clean' are completely false-- I only received a few messages from them in my inbox, all of which were threats. I do not know how this person got my information and I do not know where this person got my information, but I do not think it is solely for their care about romani or jewish people that they did this. -All I want is privacy. I am an adult, and would like to have that wish respected. Claiming I should be 'stuck in a psych ward', that I'm a narcissist, that somebody should 'contact my parents' are all incredibly invasive and infantilizing things for people to do. Alongside all of this, some of the things that people claim I was lying about were things that I have no ethical way of proving. I am autistic, I have spent time in a psychiatric ward, I am currently being abused by my parents, and I was raped as a child— and I should not have to prove that to you people. Those are disgusting things to have to prove to people. Just for the fact that I discuss them on my blog does not make any of you entitled to that information, nor entitled to be able to speculate and degrade. People used my admitting to not being romani (once again, an incredibly disgusting thing that I did. I am not diminishing that.) to claim that almost every single thing I've said about myself is a lie– going so far as to claim I am, apparently, a trust fund kid? These are all weird and, again, invasive things to just go and make up. I am not going to prove to you that I grew up poor, or fat, or anything like that. None of you are entitled to that information.

All I want is to continue to exist on the internet without being harassed. As I stated before, I am incredibly, extremely, sorry. If there’s anything I can do to make it up to the people that I hurt, I will do it– but I understand if many of my previous mutuals and friends never want contact with me again, and accept that. I am not entitled to that and am under no presumption that I am. I know that many of my friendships have ended over this, but I don’t want this to completely ruin any chance I have at making new friends. People called me a coward when I deleted my blog, but those same people told me to delete my blog. It’s paradoxical and confusing to me, and I’ve realized that there really is no end to this campaign besides to continue to harass me and slander me for their own personal enjoyment and feeling of justice with renewed ‘callout’ campaigns– the end goal achieves literally nothing besides me getting harassed. I have a job, I’m getting out of the personal situation I am in, and, again I am a person who wants to be able to just exist on the internet. This isn’t me asking for pity, or for complete and total forgiveness- it's just an apology. No expectation attached. I am incredibly and deeply sorry for all the harm I’ve caused.

For tags; I'd like to clarify this is not a plea for attention- this isn't for 'reach' or 'distance' either, nor am i trying to be performative in @ing you all. I just genuinely want some of you to see this post to be able to apologize more directly, because many of you were former friends who i never got a chance to apologize to and i care deeply about. I have no expectation for any of you to forgive me, and I wish you all the best. @puzzlekinq @dykeredhood @dykeseesgod @official-saul-goodman @bocceclub @ivankaramazovsgf @rootlessneopolitan @murderballadeer @storm-of-feathers @pitbolshevik @sheburnedlikeabride @professionalpansy @manicpixieginger @pillow-princeps @lilacgueerr @mortalityplays @jinnazah @saturniidace @strangeauthor @shirleyjacksonesque @piratesofthecarabiner @helloitsbee @lafemmemacabre @egirlgarak

edit: @'s spoofed on me. sorry, this looks kinda goofy. I'm going to leave them, though.

[fireboltsystem]

ok this is going to be an obnoxiously long ask jsyk ahead of time, i have a lot of little things to say/ask aoejrof. 1. this is our-library's main blog!! for context, since im sure youve seen us in your notifs lmao 2. related apologies for digging through so much of your blog we were really curious about you because weve been following you on sonicaspeed for a long time and we wanted to know more about you! 3. related again im about to ask a LOT of questions that youre totally free not to answer if theyre too invasive, but theyre all things were genuinely curious/confused about, so wed like to at least take the opportunity to ask! 4. i really hope you dont mind us jabbering at you like this too much alejfkfn we tend to yap ^^'

first thing were really interested in is how exactly an endogenic system works, talking as a traumagenic did (as far as we know) system, especially one thats partially endo and partially traumatic as you seem to be. in the past weve gone from negative (due to being around people who were very bitter about endogenic systems when we were first figuring ourselves out) to supporting it and knowing full well they exist but not understanding it, and wed like to go to understanding and supporting it, but thats really hard when we dont really have an example and looking things up, as always, leads nowhere.

this is of course a little more personal, but we wanted to ask about your subsystem a little, partially due to the fact that weve begun to form our own and arent totally sure how to handle them yet; i noticed a mention of a satellite subsystem within the solar subsystem? is that a nested subsystem? im both very curious, baffled, intrigued, and wanting to know in case it comes up for us, but either way, id love to know exactly how that organization works exactly!

and, um...oh, that might actually be all the questions. woopsie. overestimated that a lil, hehe. think we mightve answered some of them for ourselves as we were scrolling through your blog and then TOTALLY forgot that we didnt have as many questions as we did when we first read your pinned post. we did still manage to yap for a While though apwkrjgh hope this finds you well and all that and that you dont mind the long ask and all the notifs!!! were gonna go raid your sonic blog using our main blog to rb now lmao

🌪 - Oh snap hey! No worries about 'spam' it doesn't bother us at all lol.

Response got LONG so I'll throw it under a cut!

Endogenic systems have as wide a variety of experiences as traumagenic systems do, so describing how they "work" generally is kind of impossible KWNFWK. The only thing to keep in mind is that endogenic systems and system members form for reasons other than trauma - maybe they were born that way, maybe it's neurodivergence, maybe it's spiritual beliefs, intentional formation, or any number of other reasons! Not all endogenic systems lack trauma or even disorders - You can be a system and then experience trauma which causes problems for you later on. Or you can experience trauma that doesn't cause plurality in you, and then discover or become plural later, too! If you don't know yet about Pluralpedia, it can be confusing to navigate but has tons of info about different system origins, traumagenic and endogenic alike. Plus lots of other info about plurality as well!

We consider our system to be primarily traumagenic, but with many individual endogenic members. Most of our endo members exist as introjects and come from the process of creating or experiencing art - our brain is just naturally inclined to make headmates out of characters we connect with qkdnskcn.

As for our subsystems: Yeah, the Satellite subsystem is nested within the Solar subsystem. Team Solar consists of me (Zephyr) and everyone from my world, including my own headmates from back then. The Satellite subsystem is the Shadow I know from my world and all of his headmates that basically got carried over with him. That includes Mia - his protector and introject of his sister - and some of the Black Arms that hitched a ride. The Satellite subsystem is a classic "system-within-a-system". They experience shifting fronting patterns and stuff like that just like we do generally, sometimes cofronting/coconsciousness too. The Satellite subsystem is traumagenic, and Shadow is considered the host for them. They have protectors, persecutors, trauma holders, etc that revolve around Shadow, rather than the system as a whole or any other particular member. We think this is because they are his alters specifically!

For the most part, we use subsystems as organizational labels first, just to communicate and remember who is related or connected to who. Shared sources is usually the deciding factor for whether we lump headmates together in a subsystem or not. Headmates that are 'related' in some way tend to be more likely to be close to front for us at the same time, if that makes sense? Like loose package deals. The Satellite subsys is probably the closest thing we have to a traditional Subsystem as described by the general plural community, probably because they were a system before entering this one (and so was I actually!).

In another ask, you added the question "What are 'exomemories'?". Sometimes known as 'pseudomemories' (we don't like that term personally for reasons we'll get into), they're memories of things the body didn't experience. "Memories from outside", exo-memory. For us these can manifest as traumatic flashbacks to source moments, or positive memories of our lives before being in this system, or just basic facts about who we are and our home worlds. I have a TON of exomemories. I'm very close to source and care about it a lot! Since you follow our art blog you probably already know how much of our work is based on exomems akdnwkfsnci. We don't like using the term 'pseudomemory' for ourselves because there's nothing 'pseudo-' about them. They feel just as real as any of my memories of this life and shape who I am even more!

Hope this was interesting and/or helpful! Feel free to send more questions our way if you have any.

-Zephyr

[antisociallilbrat]

Hello <3 I followed you a while ago and I was scrolling through you blog (sorry if that's creepy) I saw you mention how you think the Duffers lied about Steve supposing to die in season 1? I'm a little confused (but not judging) why you think that?

Love your blog! Sorry if this seemed rude!

Anon trust me when I say this isn't rude at all, I love talking about this shit and I thank you for giving me an excuse to do so.

Okay so first of all this probably stems from this post where I first talked about the chance the Duffer brothers lied about Steve in season one. That's because in my research for answering the anon in that post I found two conflicting articles. One that talked about Steve getting the redemption arc that was supposed to go to Lonnie Byers and how instead he was supposed to leave the Byers house and die at the hands of Demogorgon but then I also found this article that conflicts with that one. It basically says that Steve was originally supposed to be the human villain and have an arc more reminiscent of Billy's.

So here's what I believe happened. All speculation of course, no way to know for sure on any of this. I believe that Steve was supposed to be the human villain at least up until season three where he would- presumably- die like Billy had. I don't think his villain arc would've been exactly like Billy's, but he probably would've been the one to get flayed and his would've had a lot to do with Jancy.

In season one we can see where they were setting him up for that villian arc, his fight with Jonathan, his slut shaming of Nancy, the general anger he had for the two. Alongside his typical 'jock persona'; like Jason Craver in season four. Steve really wasn't doing anything 'decent' until the very end of season one, as if his character had a paradigm shift.

Edit: More under the cut, holy shit it's been a while since I did this

I do believe the Duffers when they say that they fell in love with Joe Kerry, I just think that they decided to make him another 'good guy' instead of the series 'bad guy', I don't think they ever had any intention just 'killing him off' though.

There are a couple instances in season one that support this. After his fight with Jonathan we see him with Tommy and his girlfriend in front of a convenience store. This is the first time we see him snap back at his two 'friends' in the defense of Nancy. Then after this we see him go back to the movie theater and volunteer to wipe the graffiti off. This is the start of the shift in character from bad guy to good guy for him.

Then on top of all of this we see him go to the Byer's house to apologize. Driving home his character shift. After he leaves the house, after trying to apologize, this is when the Demogorgon is supposed to get him. And if it did play out this way,,,it would make the whole scene messy- and not in a bloody way.

Like that would mean that the Demogorgon appeared outside, killed Steve, fucked off long enough for Lonnie to get there, and then appeared back inside the Byer's home? It's a little much don't you think.

And if they were going to kill him, why show his character shift from bad to good? If he was just going to be another body for the count, why show the audience those two scenes I mentioned previously? Up until then some of the audience would've been rooting for his death. And you could say having Steve go apologize would've given him a reason for being there in the first place but he could've easily just shown up at Jonathan's house for revenge before getting picked off.

So why would the Duffers lie? That question is easy explained, press. The Duffers needed all the press they could get after season one. Netflix took a chance on Stranger Things and season two was not happening unless season one did well. So I think the Duffers fibbed, added a little spice to the press if you will. Obviously they weren't going to mention about Steve supposing to be the bad guy since they were still going to keep that arc and just write it into a different character, that's part of the reason we got Billy, so saying that Steve was supposed to die was just an easy route.

I fuckin rambled but Anon I hope this explains why I think the way i do and thank you for the question! I love fandom discussion questions.

[jovenshires]

Hey the new Ianthony edit? Made me emo as fuck it really had me in my feels very cool.

I didn't see it on the 'smosh' tag? Idk if that's intentional thought you should know if it's not <3 -dot hell anon

TYSM i had so much fun making that one so im glad <3333

ah yeah... that was intentional. old habits die hard i guess? this got a little away from me so i put my extremely long rant under the cut, but tlwr: i try not to tag a lot of shipping stuff as /smosh.

see, i'm not new to the smosh fandom, but i am relatively new to THIS version of the fandom. i came back a couple of months ago but my real heyday was in like. 2018-2020. and we had pretty set rules for how we went about things, and one of the BIG ones was to never put anything ship-related in the main tags (those tags being cast names and the main smosh tag itself).

this was for a couple different reasons; first of all, some of the actual smosh staff was on tumblr (the official smosh blog for one, and i think one of the cast used tumblr at the time?? not sure on that one though as i Cannot remember), and we didn't want them to have to view rpf of themselves in spaces just generally meant for posting about them/their company. like say courtney, for example, goes into the 'courtney miller' tag - there's a difference between seeing a post about her bit in the new tntl and a post about them. fucking ian nasty style. not that there's anything wrong with the latter, just that i am very conscientious about not showing the real person fiction to the real person(s) in question, as was a lot of the smosh fandom.

second of all, not every smosh fan is into rpf. our venn diagram is not a circle. there was a time when i was not a part of the venn diagram. it's why i try to tag every post with 'shipping' and/or 'rpf' when it even vaguely hints at the stuff, so that not everybody has to see it. this isn't exclusive to this topic - i would do that for anything divisive. so, yeah, casual smosh fans scrolling the main tag probably don't want to see my silly ship edits, and i get that!!

since i've returned we obviously have a much different fandom culture - the old smosh blog shut down years ago and i'm fairly certain none of the cast checks tumblr anymore (and if they do and they're reading this: i'd like to apologize and beg for them to block me for both of our sanities). i've also made a few exceptions to my own rule, such as with the incorrect tweets bc i think those can mostly be written off as jokes and the lil au edits though i regret that at times. (i've been considering un-tagging those for a while tbh.) i've also realized recently that the tag 'smosh fic' just gets sorted directly into the 'smosh' tag which is. a pain in the ass. that's not what i said tumblr and you know it. so some of my content has been filtered in there. but you'll notice with the lil clips and text posts i post and stuff i almost never tag it as 'smosh' because. i just don't need people to see it ya know. i've got my people here and that's enough for me <3

that is all to say by the way that the new fandom culture is not BAD. as we all know, i'm very pro-rpf, so seeing rpf out there is great (as long as you know it's not tinhatting etc etc). we also have a very diverse community now with a lot of interesting ships and great fics that i would never have found without casually scrolling through the smosh tag!! it's also easier nowadays to block tags than ever; casual fans can just block the 'shipping' tag and have (relatively) easy access to the smosh tag. so please all of you keep doing you - i'm not your mother and i don't expect you to listen to lil ole me where i live perched up on my soap box. BUT idk if i personally can get over my hang-ups about tags.

[warriorpax]

This has nothing to do with roleplay, but I’ve been eyeing YuGiOh for a while (I mostly play Magic the Gathering atm) and I’m wondering if you can recommend a deck archetype that’s easy to start out with. Ancient Gears had my eye right now because it’s exactly my aesthetic but I’m unsure how difficult it is to pilot.

Alright, SO-

First of all, I'm honestly honored that someone came to me for advice on beginner-friendly decks in Yu-Gi-Oh, so thank you for that.

Secondly, word of warning...I'm a fucking ape when it comes to this lmao, so if I give you bad advice here, I do genuinely apologize for that, PLEASE don't storm my house with torches and pitchforks? Thanks! lol

NOW, as for actual deck suggestions... these are going to be from my personal experience of using these, or my personal experience of playing AGAINST these (mainly in "Yu-Gi-Oh! Master Duel"). These will be put under the cut for those that wish to just keep scrolling and don't want to read through a wall of text of my dumbass blabbering on lmao.

One of the first ones that really come to my mind are the "Branded" series of cards, which tends to end up being one of the sort of go-to engines for a number of decks (One of the most common of which being Branded Despia). These can be identified by using the monster, "Fallen of Albaz," who is basically just a Superpolymerization on legs, to go into a lot of fusion-oriented plays. So, if you wish to begin with fusions, Brandeds are one I definitely would recommend to begin with.

Another deck I could recommend, if you really want to embrace your inner Pharaoh Atem, would be Dark Magician, due to how much overwhelming support it has, and still gets to this very day. Follows the "KISS" rule, or "Keep It Simple, Stupid." Typically, your main goal is to have a board ending on "Dark Magician the Dragon Knight," Dark Magical Circle, and Eternal Soul set, which you will activate as soon as you get the opportunity to, that being as early as the next turn's draw phase. This effectively shuts down any lame-brained attempts of trying to shut you down, as both Dragon Knight and Eternal Soul will be stuck in a loop of defense. Dragon Knight protects all of your spells/traps from destruction and targeting, and since it's name changes to "Dark Magician" while on the field or in the graveyard, it'll become unaffected to literally every effect that your opponent has to pull out of their ass due to Eternal Soul's continuous effect, and can be summoned back to the field by Eternal Soul if it gets destroyed by battle or it gets tributed for a Kaiju summon (you can ask me about THIS mechanic later on if you'd like to know any further information on that, which I recommend as it's better to know about the mechanic than to experience it firsthand and not know how it happened)

As for Ancient Gears...I would only recommend you build this if you're willing to make some VERY big investments, as it's really at it's "best" with other earth-attribute (or element), machine-type monster archetypes (such as Machina monsters and Infinitracks). While Ancient Gears also has a lot of fusion-centered mechanics - in fact that's 90% of the Ancient Gear archetype - in my experience, you're going to be using Ancient Gears with decks that utilize other extra deck summoning mechanics...A LOT.

However, you CAN make a purely Ancient Gears deck work if you've got better deck building skills than whatever I've got going on in my head, and got a lot more passion for it and ambition than I do. Really just depends on how you'd prefer that.

So, TLDR; I recommend Branded and/or Dark Magician (because you CAN in fact combine these two decks together) for a beginner deck, and I suggest that you do a lot more research on the Ancient Gear archetype if you wish to build an Ancient Gear deck, whether that be purely Ancient Gears, or combined with something else that can also work.

I hope to god that made sense and I didn't just make myself look like a complete and utter fool, lmfao, and I hope that this was at least SOMEWHAT helpful for you in becoming a Yu-Gi-Oh duelist.

[clover-46]

Is this because of their posts about the war in the middle east? I know that almost made me unfollow them.

If it makes it any better, they deleted their posts about supporting Israel. They also had a post for a moment about how they were misinformed and after doing further research they switched their stance, apologizing for anyone they had hurt, and how they were going to take down all posts about it in an hour because they didn't want to talk about something they didn't fully understand, and accidentally spread propaganda. So all posts about it are gone and they did change their stance.

I don't know if that helps any but I don't want you to lose a friendship. You and Messenger seem like really good friends and good friends can be hard to come about in this world, with as crazy as it's getting.

And I'm doing alright. Just staying busy, y'know? I hope you did well on your exam though!!

- 🙊

i didnt mean to rant for this ask but whatever i’m gonna put it under a cut anyway

warnings: talk about israel and palestine, mentions of death of children, mention of ethnic cleansing, mention of colonization

i know they deleted their posts but if they truly think they made a mistake they shoulda kept up their apology. i didnt even know they made an apology post until you said that lol

when they made the first post about it i had to think about what to do. then they answered an ask and made another post about it…. and so blocking just seemed the best cause i couldnt in good conscience continue to interact with them and act like everything was fine. i also talked to another moot who was moots with messy also and we both just were like yea… we gotta just cut em off

it really sucks to lose a friend i trusted a lot but i’m not afraid to cut people off if they believe ethnic cleansing, colonization, and genocide is ok. i’ve seen so many horrific fucking videos of what’s happening rn. i literally scrolled through tiktok after tiktok two days ago of parents sobbing for their dead children, so much pain, grief, and suffering. i’ve also seen a lot of graphic videos about it on instagram. this isn’t even a war, it’s a genocide. the feeling of hopelessness i felt was very intense so yea!! i’m honestly kinda over dropping them by now it is what it is yk

i’m not mad at you for sending this btw lol i’m just a little exhausted. but anyway i think i did pretty well on my exam!! i feel like i got at least a b (:

[lgbtlunaverse]

You know, when i walked into the wider mdzs/cql fandom 4 years late with starbucks in my hand i was generally expecting that the character i was gonna have to bat horrible takes away from me with a hockey stick was gonna be jin guangyao. Maybe jiang cheng. Complex characters in an antagonist role whose complexity tends to be ignored because people want an easy bad guy to point at so they can prop up their own blorbo.

But no! There are so many rancid takes about both of them but it has become startlingly easy for me to avoid them once i knew what to do. I nestle myself mostly into the 3zun/yi city niche of the fandom which are generally (fictional) murder-friendly. Be careful when treading wangxian-only pages. Don't even come near either of their character tags. Avoid the "canon jiang cheng" tag like the plague. (I gotta hand it to 'em calling your character negativity tag canon is a ballsy move.) And. Yeah. Sometimes I can blissfully forget wider fandom has bad takes about these dudes.

No. No the character i have to slap away bad takes from left right and center is fucking nie mingjue.

You wouldn't expect that from a source material where he spends 90% of them time being a corpse. But here we are!

(To be clear everything under this cut is me being extremely salty if you don't want that in your life scroll away! read something else! smell a flower! eat some ice cream! Have a better day than i did! You deserve it)

I understand that it's because i took primary measures to avoid bad takes about jgy that i ended up in the jgy apologism pit and i do really quite like it here, you're all very lovely. But I guess the fandom impulse to need a big bad guy so blorbo didn't do anything wrong propped up and jgs on his own wasn't enough for everyone, and so the reading that nie mingjue is a selfish entitled privileged brute who wanted nothing more than to beat jgy until he acted grateful or subservient enough for his wishes without ever actually trying to empathise with him emerged in a few corners.

I've seen cql and book canon warped and mixed together to perpetuate the worst reading of him possible that would, in either canon taken on its own, look downright ridiculous. (I've often seen people say cql softens his character, but it notably makes him look like a way worse sect leader to jgy because the jin captain harassment was moved to qinghe, where in the book it is basically established that while people still look down on jgy the outright harassment has stopped because they can't get away with it anymore, and only the most subtle gestures of disrespect slip through. People will just move the alternate reality from cql to novel canon with no regard for how it makes several plotbeats no longer make sense. Don't even get me started on the differences between book empathy and show empathy and how they are ignored because one framework lends itself easier to character bashing.)

I've seen claims that killing him was good and a kindness actually, because he was just too bad and dangerous to keep on living. Who knows who he'd have killed if left on his own!! He'd have died in a few years anyway, who cares.

I've seen an offhand assumption from xue yang that the bruises madam jin leaves him with come from nie mingjue being misquoted as some kind of canon hard proof that nie mingjue is physically abusing jin guangyao during their entire sworn brotherhood multiple times in discourse now and it makes me want to start chewing on human flesh. (Also the lan xichen character assasination this implies??? Apparently lan xichen is just standing there while his eldest sworn brother beats the younger one up and, what? Thinks it's a good idea to make them spend long periods of time together ALONE? Tells jgy after the stairs incident that he "shouldn't provoke" mingjue- An actual thing he says!!! Which becomes much worse if this isn't an isolated incident in a tense but otherwise wanted relationship but instead one iteration in a long history of abuse!! So lxc is just doing abuse apologism for years on end here? Ok.)

And the frustrating thing is that, unlike with characters like jc or jgy, who have solidly sized fanbases built up specifically to defend and discuss them with nuance in part as direct reaction to abysmal takes about them, the equivalent for Nie Mingjue is a lot smaller. Wider fandom takes on him tend to vary from a casual shrug of general disinterest to "oohhhh jgy is so evil for killing him i feel so bad 😞" followed by. Very little actual exploration of what makes his character so interesting and tragic. And so I am left with??? Almost nothing??? Most people actually TALKING about him are doing so wrongly and even if they are defending him they are! Doing It Wrong! This sucks! I don't like any of it!

[levi-supreme]

Hi sunshine! I missed talking to you so much and even though you said I don't have to apologize I feel terribly sorry to take such a long time to reach you back 😔

I'm really late but I wanted to wish you all the happiness and love this year has to offer. I keep you in my thoughts and I hope you and your loved ones are doing well during these hard times. I'm also really proud of how much you and your blog have achieved during your time here on Tumblr. I've always known, even when I first found your blog, that with your kindness, sweetness and talent you would have gone far. You deserve every inch of what you have reached and even more! I'll always be grateful to you for keeping me company and for making me feel better even at my lowest ❤️

After all this time, you're still a model to me, someone I admire and I aspire to become like. I love you with all my heart 💖 ~[🧸]

Kermit was me when I woke up to your ask in my inbox, my dearest 🧸 anon!!! I'm sorry I took so long to reply, and I'm sure you're already awake by the time you see this. I hope your day is going well!! <3

I missed talking to you too, my dear! But don't worry, you don't have to apologise at all!! I hope you're recovering well after your surgery and you're spending loads of quality time with your family, friends, and loved ones 😌✨️ don't worry about not reaching out too!!! I'll always be here no matter where you go (*^^*)

Thank you so much for your kind words my sweet 🧸!!! I wish the same for you and your family as well, and that you'll be happy and healthy in 2023!! You're always in my thoughts too, and I'm always hoping for the best for you!! 💕

I'm eternally grateful to you for supporting me since the very beginning when my blog was still nothing. You're one of my longest and earliest followers, and I'm so thankful to have you on my tumblr journey 😭❤️ your kind words and encouragement helped me through the tough times as well, and your companionship made me feel better when I felt like I was all alone. I hope my blog, my work, and my presence continue to comfort you when you need me, and I'll always be here for you too. I'm so grateful that you came across my blog and my work a long time ago, and I'll forever treasure this amazing bond we have!

Even now, I'm still in awe when you tell me that I'm your model and that you want to be like me 🥺✨️ I still can't believe that I have this kind of influence over people haha. Thank you for believing in me, and I hope that my blog and my work continue to make you proud and happy too!!

I love you very much too, my 🧸 anon!! 💖

Some more verbal diarrhoea and life update for you under the cut XD

I was scrolling through our old conversations, and you mentioned playing sim city and animal crossing. Well guess what?? My bf and I got a switch before Christmas, and guess who is playing animal crossing too!!!! I'm still a beginner and I'm still building my island lol, but I'm having so much fun!! It's so much less stressful than cities skylines LMAO, I love animal crossing so much 🥺

I don't know if you know, but this year, I organised Happy Birthday Levi for the second year round!!!! It was hard trying to manage an event all by myself again, and I was so stressed and worried because it wasn't getting as much attention and traction compared to last year's. But I'm so thankful to have supportive writer friends who helped take some pressure off my shoulders by writing more than one work for my event!! I'm glad I organised this event again this year to celebrate Levi's birthday! I'm not sure if I want to bring this back again this year, but... we'll see!!

I'm still trying my best to juggle work, studying, and writing, but I'm so excited for my new semester!! I got the modules I want and I'm looking forward to classes lmao. I'm also strangely motivated to want to study hard and do well because I did study harder in my previous semester and my GPA improved 😂😂 he ain't real, but I can totally imagine Levi being extremely happy and proud of me for putting in the effort haha.

I hope life is treating you well my dear 🧸, and I can't wait to hear more from you too!!! Please take care, drink more water, get enough sleep, and eat your fruits and veggies!! I love you very very much xoxo 💖