#I don't know how to be more upfront about what my priorities are in this fandom

[nikki-tine]

Pretty hastily slapped together, but here's a comm sheet for those who were wondering about the prices in my pinned post! I'm a little nervous about taking comms from social media again, but I'm open to it as my family needs the money so often now...

More recently, I've taken to working on iPad - this will be a more common thing as the summer months roll around and it becomes too stuffy to stick to my PC for working on art.

Here's what I CAN do, for the moment:

Cute, simple designs - Pokemon and simple (rookie-level or earlier) Digimon are a strong suit of mine, but if you have a wonderfully simple OC I can work with too then it'll do!

Cats. I loooove drawin' cats! If you have a Warriors OC, chances are I can draw em.

Fluffy stuff overall! (As long as it's simple enough, obviously - Fluff is another comfort thing I looove to work with. This means literal fluffy stuff like fuzzy animals/critters, and figurative fluff like cuddles and tickles!)

Sans!! (No seriously, I funkin love drawin' sans. If you got a Sans I can draw, I will happily draw him!)

Here's what I CAN'T do, for the moment, on the other hand:

NSFW art (This is because a) there's minors who follow this blog - I have to keep that stuff away (and keep them safe)! and b) I'm not ready to take NSFW commissions, and probably won't be a for a while.)

Heavy gore and themes (It's a lot to work with, and it's not something I personally dabble in if at all, so the result would NOT be to your liking if I tried more than likely lol)

Intricate Detail (I have my reasons for this! My wrist has been acting up more often in the last few years and so intricate detail is... overwhelming for me, right now, outside of personal work. It's just not a strong suit of mine, as much as I'd love it to be - it's not quite a part of the art style as it is right now.)

Added notes:

- I have the right to decline a commission if it either makes me uncomfortable to work with it or otherwise is overwhelming. That is to say, if one artist can't achieve what you're looking for then usually that's an indicator to hold onto your money for a bit until you find the right person!

I send the paypal link at the halfway point (the sketch, just before lineart) normally - but if you want to pay upfront, then please let me know. (I don't wait until the piece is completely done as a safety measure to ensure the person commissioning me doesn't nab the piece and run lol)

I CANNOT REFUND ONCE THE COMMISSION IS PAID FOR. The money goes STRAIGHT into family-related necessities like bills and groceries, and I absolutely CANNOT afford to return money when we are consistently struggling to even get food for the house, nevermind commissions. (It's also just kinda mean?? :c)

I am on commission burnout - what this means is that my work may take longer than usual to get done, but I hold to my word that I get it done no matter how long it takes. If you need the piece done as priority, then make sure you specify when giving the details for your commission! (I do best, however without a time limit or deadline to work with.)

As of right now, I'm practically (metaphorically) crying for simple designs due to this burnout! I need something I can just fly through to get done so I don't stress myself out further on a queue that's been waiting to be done for a hot second.

[femmefatalevibe]

How can I have close relationships with people while still keeping my boundaries?

It's important to remember that boundaries make close relationships more, not less, sustainable and healthy rather than the other way around. Boundaries are like emotional fences, not defenses. They clearly differentiate your needs and limitations from those of others. By respecting your boundaries and those of others, you're able to foster emotional connections without feeling emotionally drained or resentful of others' independent actions and feelings. Boundaries are the emotional and interpersonal limitations you create for yourself in a relationship. They exist independently of others' actions, beliefs, and expectations.

HOW TO SET & MAINTAIN BOUNDARIES IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS:

Use "I" statements to share your needs (when stating your boundaries, ensure you frame them in an "it's me, not you" sort of way)

Share them with compassion and as a means of differentiation, not division (e.g. I know you're dealing with XYZ emotion/situation, but I'm feeling XYZ emotions or dealing with XYZ priorities right now and need to take a step back from this energy-dense situation)

Be honest about your needs and limitations, generally and situationally

Remain consistent with your boundaries and limitations, especially with your time and priorities

Prioritize yourself, build your self-concept, and pursue your goals. Perceive your close relationships as a way for two individuals to share their wholeness with each other, rather than two individuals to complete some emotional need or resource in the other person's life. Close connections compound –don't complete – our personhood, happiness, or sense of identity/self-esteem

Offer support and resources when you genuinely want to, not out of guilt or perceived obligation

State your priorities clearly. Share your expectations and level of willing involvement in any aspect of the relationship with your non-negotiable terms of engagement upfront

Address situations or behaviors that bother you early on before you start resenting the person because you're not speaking up

Express your "no" freely. This one word is a complete sentence. Unless it involves keeping your job or supporting your basic life needs, you don't owe anyone your time or energy to relationships, events, or circumstances that don't support your well-being

Don't internalize other people's problems. You can feel empathy without absorbing others' emotions and responsibilities. Remember your most important obligation is to take care of yourself. You need to prioritize the limitations you require to meet your physical and emotional needs and remain generally happy, energized, and fulfilled in your daily life. Never lose yourself or sight of your goals/dreams to be well-liked by those whom you're connected with. Healthy individuals will naturally want to set & uphold boundaries for both parties in the relationship to ensure you both thrive & feel supported without feeling guilty or resentful over time

Boundaries vs. Expectations:

Boundaries are the courses of action YOU will take in response to someone's actions or attitudes, not a way to attempt to control other people's behavior. For example, an expectation is saying to someone "Don't text me during my workday. I won't be available to answer you while I'm busy at the office," vs. a boundary, which would sound more like this: "If you text me during the workday, I'll be busy at the office, so I won't be available respond your messages until 6 pm on weekdays." You can share your expectations within the dynamic of any sort of relationship. But, ultimately, people are going to do as they please, so remember your boundaries only dictate your limitations and what you're going to do, say, and when you're going to walk away from a relationship.

[dezarosen]

You're a hypocritical piece of shit you know that? Maybe instead of being shitty to people that did nothing to you and being a huge fucking baby you can use that energy to work on yourself, actually grow up into the adult you're supposed to fucking be and apologize to the people you've hurt.

i definitely chuckled a bit finding this after months of never using this app because tumblr isnt a priority lol

i was a senior in high school the time this was sent to me; you don't magically become an adult the moment you turn 18, and thinking that way is the mindset of someone terminally unsophisticated. what really puts the nail in the coffin here is how this person harps on me for "hypocrisy" and for "being a baby" when its an anon from someone too scared to approach me properly (when theyre likely significantly older than me ?[>]?\<%[!]£\€?\)

i dont strike back unless i have reason to believe someone has done something to hurt the people i care about, it's nothing more or less than that. and when i have realized fault in my own actions, i've apologized upfront and honestly.

this is a resolved conflict, but honestly the insults mildly peeved me so i'll address this comment specifically since ive only seen it now

[moon-alight]

hii!! hope you doing well, i reaaaaally love your writing, thank you for always feeed my delulu self 🤧🤧💓💓

can i request &team hyung line having a gamer gf? like who's most likely get sulky bcs their gf always playing game and have no time for them? or maybe who's really don't mind?

thank you!! <3

As a gamer (yes I can😘)

Masterlist

&Team with a Gamer Girlfriend

Warnings: none

Word Count: 826

-K

-Sulky #1

-Loves that you like games as much as he does but you know what he likes more than a gf who enjoys games? That's right; Attention.

-Gets incredibly sulky after about 20 minutes of you only focusing on the game instead of him and will find ways for you to turn your attention way from the screen.

-It's easy if you were gaming on a Nintendo Switch because then he could just take the device away from your hands but a pc is harder.

-He would totally rest his head on your shoulder and began to kiss your neck just for you to get worked up so he can easily become your number 1 priority again.

-Fuma

-Unbothered #1

-Has absolutely no trouble in letting you play your games while he does something else or (most of the time) he would just join you

-Likes to watch you play games and especially if it is on pc so he can watch your fingers on the keyboard

-Smiles unconciously whenever you win a match and is there to comfort you whenever you lose.

-He is the kind of guy to get you snacks during your game and then eat all of them without letting you touch the damn snacks. Lol.

-Nicholas

-He is 100% convinced he is better than you at every game you mention just for him to lose like 90% of the time.

-Gets incredibly competetive and sulks whenever he loses. (you will have to kiss his pout away)

-You'd find him up around 3 AM playing games just to practice so he can finally beat you

-Don't get me wrong, he likes it that you like games but he is just too competetive for his own good.

-EJ

-Unbothered #2

-Again, he really likes it but he would not mind if you were playing long games instead of cuddling him. . .

-Except on some days when he is just really soft and wants all your attention.

-Will take your hands away from the keyboard - console and hold them in his.

-Asks if you can just cuddle him and when you do he gets so so happy. ☺️

-Yuma

-Competetive #2

-Is just like Nicholas but instead of constantly losing to you, he is the one who almost always wins.

-Rubs it in your face every single time lol

-Watch him do stupid victory dances and then brag about how easy it was to win from you but whenever you stop playing because of his childish behavior he gets very soft and pulls you back for another round.

-The only time he lets you win and smiles when you get happy.

-Jo

-Sulky #2

-Likes games but likes hanging out with you more so he gets sulky whenever you pay more attention to stupid games rather than him

-Will just sit in silence and sulk by himself rather than telling you about this. He is very hesistant and thinks he might be too clingy.

-After you realize how quiet he has been and pay a bit more attention to him, you realize how his mood changed from sulky to happy.

-It's not hard to piece it all together and you tell him to be more upfront with his emotions because you cannot read his mind.

-Harua

-Surprisingly unbothered.

-Actually makes tons of pictures of you whenever you game and spends his time making the weirdest (yet funniest) memes out of it.

-Enjoys sending them to you and laughs at your reaction

-With Harua, you're the sulky one lol

-He also sends his memes to the &Team groupchat and watches how you cave and finally walk away from the game to pay more attention to him.

-He is insanely smart about this tbh

-Taki

-A mix between sulky and unbothered lol

-He likes gaming with you but whenever you game alone, I swear. . . he will get incredibly sulky and might plan to kill you (in game ofc)

-Especially in minecraft you enjoy setting traps together for the other boys that play on the same server

-Gaming with Taki is therapy which is why he gets sulky whenever you play alone and pay more attention to your game than to him.

-Would rest his head against your shoulder to grab your attention and of course it always works

-Maki

-Curses in three different languages whenever he loses a game.

-There is one exception, though. If he loses a game to you, he is the cutest and most supportive bf ever.

-Congratulates you and cuddles you whenever you win a game from him which makes the other boys very annoyed and jealous

-Whenever you pay more attention to the game instead of him, he will make candid pictures of you because you just look so pretty

-Has an entire album in his gallery dedicated to pictures of you just playing games and it makes Maki happy whenever he looks at them.

[herbgerblin]

Hi Herb!! I was wondering if you had any advice on opening commissions? I enjoy your art immensely and you were one of the first people I thought of to ask since I know you do commissions on occasion

Sorry if this is totally weird, I am just at a complete loss! Thanks for taking the time to read this!

These are things I wish I had figured out when I started selling art commissions. Also, feel free to use my current commission form to pattern your own. (also if anyone >.> wants to commission me, I am open <.<)

Step 1: Write a Terms of Service

Good terms of service will manage the expectations of your clients, establish a level of professionalism, and protect you if someone tries to argue something already made clear in writing. You can keep your ToS really simple, but it's good practice to include the following:

What kind of art you will/won't do (I don't do nfts)

Estimated duration of the project (2-4 weeks is my M.O.)

Number of revisions (more than 3, I add a fee)

When and how often you will update the client

Rights that you retain as an artist/permit to the client

Note: This mainly applies to personal/non-commercial work. If you are approached to make art for a game/magazine/website, do a ton more research. You will need to write out a contract that makes things Boringly Clear, and you will want to retain all of your rights as an artist.

Step 2: PRICES (scream)

Everyone starts out underselling. I'm underselling (I'm trying to get better.) Just go at your own pace. Look at what other artists are offering, but don't just look at the quality of their work. Think about your turnaround time, your style, and your target audience. If you are a fast worker or very detailed, that's worth a pay bump. Niche communities will pay solid money for artists to cater to them. So for example, if you draw fetish art, you have more room to charge higher.

ALWAYS GET PAYMENT UP FRONT. You can offer half upfront and half upon completion. If it's a big or long-term project, it's okay to go 30/70. BUT NEVER START WORK WITHOUT SOME SORT OF COMPENSATION. I just had a client that has not paid me the 2nd half and they are blacklisted. This rarely happens but it does happen.

Once you think you've got a price chart you feel comfortable with, add $20. Do it, even if it feels wrong. You may have to pay transaction fees, or the work (often) takes longer than expected. It'll be a small mercy to yourself to account for these things. Raise your prices a little bit each year because you are growing in experience and inflation (scream) is a thing that affects the arts too.

Step 3: INTEGRATE AND AUTOMATE

I wish I had done this step years ago, but I slacked off, and therefore staying organized was a nightmare. The less "business" stuff you have to do manually, the more time you can focus on "creative" stuff.

Make a google form. Make it as easy for the client to input information as possible. In the settings, set it so that responses will go to an excel file. The questions you ask will be the titles of the fields, so keep them short and easy to read. Reference image attachments will save to google drive.

You can set it up so that you will get an email whenever you get a new response (you might want to make a separate email account specifically for commissions.) Prewrite confirmation responses and save them as templates so that you're not writing the same email to clients over and over again.

Set reminders for responding to clients, requesting payment, and finishing work. This can be through google calender or some other app. You are responsible for facilitating communication. Even if the email is just, "Hey, just letting you know the work is still in progress, I will send you a wip in 1-2 days." Client assurance is high priority.

I use paypal invoice for payments. It means I have to pay a transaction fee, but I factor that into my prices. It also ensures that I have clear documentation for orders, I can send reminders easily if I haven't been paid, and it just looks more professional overall. You can use whatever service feels most comfortable, just make sure you practice good bookkeeping (*stares at my taxes in horror*)

Step 4: Mockups and Descriptions

Provide examples of the work that you are going to. Make a mockup of busts/half body/full body, etc. Don't include anything you don't intend to actually produce.

Make sure that your form includes room to answer EVERY question about the commission that you might have. This will reduce the amount of back and forth you need to have with your client. You want to be able to get that request, confirm it, send that invoice, and jump on it ASAP.

Step 5: Start small, be honest, be firm

If you haven't done commissions before, have a limited number of slots available. Take break time after you've finished a certain amount. Don't languish over an art piece. At some point, it will be as done as it can be. Send it to the client, and keep rolling.

If you feel like you are getting overwhelmed, tell your client. It's bad practice to go on hiatus and not notify them while they're waiting on an update. If you genuinely forget to touch base with them, do so as soon as possible. Apologize, then finish the work as soon as you can. Refund if you think that's the most polite route, but completing the task is usually more appreciated.

Be cordial, but firm. People will try to bully you over little things, but don't give in. Ignore folks who say your prices are too high. Make it clear that if they ask for more than what is agreed, you will charge a fee. If you feel like a request is sketchy, get a second opinion.

obligatory paypal link: help me pay kravitz jr's vet bills

[wyrmskulls]

I havnt recovered from the Caz fight yet. BUT

here are some genuine thoughts on Astarion from my- knew nothing of baldurs gate before playing run: (from me the Ace with no sense of self preservation)

"Oh great a sexy vamp man- bet friend XYX is all over that, they are romanceable, right? like dragon age?"🧛‍♂️

".... that 'don't touch me' sounded too real.... hope im wrong"

" I mean if we are cool with Shar worshippers and devil pacts why not a vamp, join the club buddy."

"he is a cagey little fuck I think I'll go after him this play through love his little faces"

"I'm not into pain, thinking this was a bad choice" chains and whips to not excite Tav XD

"I mean maybe it's the years of slavery and not sexual trauma???" 🙏

"noooo, I mean of course the sexy vamp wants to fuck, I probly have to- to get more of his story...." proceed to worry stupidly about unskippable sex scenes and noises for no reason (you can press x any time to get to the next thing / dialog)

get propositioned again at party.... "maybe this relationship won't work out, he's way to thirsty least there wasn't another sex scene lol dun worry buddy, I'll help you murder that guy that hurt you, just can't keep up with the horny XD"

"so I just feed him bad guys and tell him he is pretty? yup that checks out"

act 2

Start working on wyll, he seems like a cool guy... "whoa bud, is this you first romance scene.... by saying yes to a dance... feels icky cause I know sex happens at some point, like some entitled jerk at a bar, least astarion was real upfront about it" ( in hind sight this was unfair to wyll, but everyone was being so horny and the only scene I had was astarions so I drew some incorrect conclusions with wyll being a 'good guy' asshole)

"I mean we has evidence that deals with devils are bad.... or is it demons... anyways I support you in a friend way, getting raphel to Facebook stalk your abuser to make sure he not still pineing after you is OK with me."

Got his Act 2 scene "OHNooooooo I was right it was a sexual trauma 'don't touch me....' ohhhh noooooo. he didn't wanna fuck either????? baby boy, you never gotta sex again if you dun wanna, we can hug forever!" cried a while ngl

"look here blood witch- no means no, if your house wasn't destroyed, I'd destroy it myself."😈

"i mean he said he kills kids, so it's ok to kill him, then raphy boy will tell us if you back is bad news or really bad news <3"

"It's really bad news..... so no big astarion lover of cuddles l, will help you kill the guy who ruined your life. that's what romantic partners do. we kiss and nothing else and I will murder people to keep doing that <3" pondering an evil play through honesly

"he was so upset when Tav died in battle.... like doesn't he know rez scrolls are a thing? it's ok Tavs gonna live forever.... not sure how we will figuer that out" researches dnd lore to find several solutions XD

"Gale bud. friend. pal. I care about you and your life. your ex is shitty for asking you to do this, but also if you do blow up you'll take us all with you.... and even if you don't, #1 priority over there will be back under vamp thrall so this is a no go, put your shirt back on."🙃

act 3

found a cliff in the camp before act 3 with a song that made me cry again it is for sure astarions "wtf dude I was emotionally stable now what have you done"

"circus lady, here are all my loves deepest secrets- oh no she's a shapeshifter???? oops, it's ok love we will kill her too why not" No one can know how hurt you are but meeeeeee 😋

"a statue of my boyfriend in camp don't mind if I do~☆ aww now he has a halo so everyone can see he is a good boy who totally doesn't cause me to murder people and would never murder anyone himself" 😇

"Astarion NO, we are not gonna kill a bunch of other spawn just cause you are scared. I get it, and you don't have time for therapy but trust me that not gonna feel great in a few hundred years"

"ooooo blood bitch is back and you fucked up. look at this boy standing up for himself - yes that's right take us to your private house so we can kill you at our leisure.... man oh man I used to have morals now I got Astarion."

*****

and now I'm tired XD

[2af-afterdark]

I'm so sad to see whb has been delayed again, especially since it's just a few days since the scheduled release but honestly I expected it when the final devil has to even be teased. I don't want to get too upset at prettybusy because they're a really small team making a large game but they have a seemingly long running habit of making promises they can't keep and it's hurting people's faith in them. My patience is really wearing thin.

I can't imagine how upset Korean players are after finding out they won't be able to play the game they've been looking forward to literally 6 days before release. Also why do the refunds mean global release has to be delayed?? I may not know anything about game development but I genuinely don't understand the reasoning here.

-🌗

Honestly, I don't know a lot about game development or running one either, but I also don't understand why the game being pulled in the Korean market means they can't release globally either. In fact, I would think holding the global release would be better because (and this is the part of my brain that understands they're a business) they could start getting in game purchases which would stock their coffers and give them more cushion to carry out the refunds. Of course, it could be that they are delaying so they don't have to worry about the cost of the servers atm, but I would think getting the money for the game they have clearly sunk a pretty penny into would be a top priority.

And, like, it sucks for the Korean players. It really does. I would hate to be told that I literally cannot play the game I have been looking forward to for half a year. It's a shitty situation, especially since PrettyBusy is Korean based. I don't know what the issue they are facing is, but I feel like they should have announced sooner that it was happening. Like I said, these announcements keep coming really late. Almost like they are panicking to find solutions so they can try and weasel out of telling the fanbase the bad news instead of being upfront once they know something is wrong.

Honestly, I understand faith in PB getting shaky (mine is). This is delay number three, which builds up expectations you don't want people to have. I feel like it wouldn't be as disappointing if they had just delayed further in the future from the start. It's not the length of delay that hurts. It's how many delays there have been. I was literally talking to someone today about how I felt the game was going to be delayed again (and it was). It doesn't help that some games get announced and then never touched (again, Ark Academy).

I know people are mentioning that the PB team is small (less than 30 people by the sounds of it), but that isn't actually the issue I have. I get if the team is small. If that's what makes it too hard to release and issue refunds, then fine. What bothers me is the lack of transparency until they literally have to say something. If the issue was that Korean players literally couldn't register, then they knew about that for a while. They could have (and should have) said something. They could have started dealing with the issue earlier or issuing refunds when they realized they couldn't fix it.

It's a build up of things that starts to get to you.

Personally, this is the last delay I will be patient with. Anything more and I will likely stop following the game until it magically drops (if it drops). I believe actions more than words, and the lack of communication and constant delays sets the tone for me, no matter how politely they word their announcements.

EDIT: I want to clarify that I do feel sympathy for PrettyBusy. They are a Korean studio and have found they cannot release in their own home country. That has to suck for them and their Korean fanbase. They are doing the right thing giving refunds. That does not change that I wish they would communicate better. They should have been upfront when they started having issues, not when they were so close to launching. This issue didn't just pop up. It must have already been happening in the background, but they choose not to say anything. It's the lack of communication that bothers me. The Korean players probably knew firsthand that there were issues, but I don't believe they ever released an official statement. They never addressed trying to help them or saying they didn't think they could help them. It was announced right before the delay/cancellation (for Korean). It's the constant last minute delays and not hearing anything until the last second that bother me. If they had said earlier that they would need to delay again, I would probably be less critical. The Korean fanbase has it the worst right now, but that does not mean the global fanbase isn't also dealing with the issue of lack of communication. That is the issue.

[ursbearhug]

I'm gonna bite somebody.

It's upsetting me how everybody will be say shit like "well, people don't owe you their time and attention just because we have smartphones on us 24/7 bla bla bla", clealry missing my point when I complain about people being unreachable.

You know what's the difference between your boss expecting you to be under your phone 24/7 just in case you need to pull extra hours and cover for somebody and me desperately wanting to talk to my friend for over 15 months now? No?

Look, I very rarely expect people to respond to me immediately. Heck, more often than not I'm positively suprised when they manage to respond to me the same day if not the same week. For the most part, I'm not dealing with shit so important that people absolutely HAVE to respond to me immediately. I care about my friends and their well being. I care about keeping my friendships in pristine condition. I cannot do either when our only way of keeping in touch is in that unreliable, technologically inept, metal piece of shit.

Normally, I'd playing it cool and be like "well my galaxy brain uwu take is..." but I'm gonna be completely frank and upfront and say that I'm fucking pissed off and tried. I don't have strength in me to pretend I care, when reality is I was through trying back in June. 3 different messages, across 3 different platforms and 7 unanswered phone calls. What else can I fucking do? Send a pigeon? Message in a bottle? Smoke signals?

My dear friendship is sliping through my fingers because clearly, I'm the only one giving a shit.

And there still will be bitches telling me how entitled I act. How much more space and time can one fucking need? I'm a minority on this, but it's not like I ever give a fuck, but I'm really done with the "sometimes people are not in the mental headspace to talk" nonsense bit. Because it's lifting all of the blame for failed communication from the person refusing to communicate. If I was told "hey, I'm gonna go fuck off for 15 months, do you mind not talking to me at all during that time, kthxbye" there would be no conversation to be held. But no. I'm supposed to figure out, which out of 60 minutes in 24 hours in 7 days in 4 weeks in 12 months am I allowed to talked to somebody? Or the reason for their elusive period? Miss me with that nonsense. Healthy headspace or not, you're fixing a lot of issues and making it transparent when you simply communicate your need to withdraw and recollect, or tell somebody you're busy, or fuck it, even tell somebody they stink and you're not interested in keeping in touch with them anymore. But then again, no. Why would anyone do that? # mental health awerness week, free out-of-jail card, I'm not gonna communicate or establish any boundaries, I'll just politely fuck off, you figure out the rest. I'm not playing that game.

And I know exactly how it is when out of sight means out of mind. If you're prone to forgetting shit, maybe counteract, instead of letting more and more things slip through?

It takes exactly 10 seconds responding to any given messege in any given way and going back to your emo catatonia (and I would know) but nobody's going to do that. Being bothered is just not in the cards when being mysterious and unattainable is the top priority.

She could have at least made an effort to let me know she's alive, but I guess even that is asking for too much.

All these satellites and computers just to perfect the ability to talk to oneself.

[fellty]

More tests- some thoughts under the cut

I'm giving traditional a shot after reading "Rapid Commuter Underground" - it's very good! It's a comic that makes me want to make comics without alienating me from the actual making of comics. By contrast I feel myself going "Hey that looks like fun! Let me give that a try!"

I got diagnosed with ADHD in 2021. I think when it's managed best, it pushes me to explore what I love most - but at it's worst, I'm sensitive to what feels "bad". When I got my first tablet in 2008, I felt keenly aware of how bad the tablet felt. It was glossy, the pen felt wrong in my hand, and the brushes felt like part of me was missing. But I figured it'll get easier and it did - and didn't.

Today the sensation feels like a mitten. Some brushes let me ignore the mitten more than others. Some days the mitten feels very unignorable no matter what - it takes up my whole focus with the feeling of "wrong" that it produces. It becomes past a haptic mitten and into a cognitive one - I don't want to explore here, it's uncomfortable. I want to be done. I'll just rush this part.

I do like digital art, but I think some of my bigger successes have been in programs like MSPaint and AZpainter. I'm not sure what it is about that program but the mitten is probably the most reduced there. I think it's partially because MSP is fairly upfront in telling you what it will and will not do very quickly. When I use AZP, I'm pretending it's MSP with layers.

Anyways, giving traditional a try surprised me with how comfortable I am living in it, even for a quick test. I feel curious about what I can do with it, and where I can take it. An urge to explore is there, and I'm not rushing out of discomfort (though, habitually, I still do). It feels good.

Penciling and painting was most fun, and then inking was unpleasant, but not as unpleasant as digital inking can be. It felt like i was using the wrong tool, though became committed to finishing it with the wrong tool.

So far the largest obstacle to this approach seems to be photographing and inking. Not bad, it feels manageable.

My priority when making things tends to be how good it felt to make it, then if it makes me happy to look at. When the latter becomes the priority, the process of making it usually becomes miserable. Though, I suppose it's because within the priority of "makes me happy to look at," somehow the question "will it make other people happy to look at?" sneaks in. I already know how to draw things that make me happy, because usually when the line goes down i'm choosing things that make me happy naturally - but it's easy to doubt that in the fog of displacing someone elses wants into your own.

This's gotten long, whew. Thanks for reading.

[the-cat-chat]

May 11, 2024

Bird Box (2018)

Five years after an ominous unseen presence drives most of society to suicide, a mother and her two children make a desperate bid to reach safety.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: It's Mother's Day weekend and to celebrate we've decided to honor our mother, Sandra Bullock. I remember when Bird Box came out and everyone was doing that stupid "Bird Box" challenge, blindfolding themselves and wandering around. I wonder how many people were injured while bird boxing?

This is my second watch of the movie since it came out in 2018. After this rewatch, my feelings are pretty much the same: It's alright. I don't hate or dislike this movie, in fact, the plot is right up my alley. It's just full of SO many plot holes that they do become a little hard to overlook.

For example, why on earth can't these creatures go inside a building or a car? Any explanation, even a stupid one that I could latch on to would help. How are Sandra Bullock and her hot younger man so in shape after like six years of living on scraps? What grocery store sells so many walkie-talkies and live birds?

And let's be real. Ain't no way that boat gets overturned on the river and both kids survive, are located, and are fine. While blindfolded. Can these children even swim?? Did I miss them getting swimming lessons at the local YMCA? Nah, both children and the birds in the box would've died easily. At least have the kids tied to Sandra Bullock or something. Speaking of the kids, I get being traumatized, but they acted so robotically throughout the movie, mainly just the boy. I just found it odd.

With all that said, I like Sandra Bullock's character. I like how upfront the movie is about Sandra Bullock's character's uncertainty and maybe even dislike of the possibility of motherhood. It doesn't seem like she wants to be a mother in the beginning, and soon the choice is taken away from her. She doesn't have this stereotypical, perfectly caring, maternal energy and personality. Is that hard to see play out when she's in charge of children? Yes. But that also makes it feel more realistic. She isn't some motherly caricature that people romanticize. In fact, our hot younger dude that shacks up with Sandra ends up being the maternal figure in the movie, which is interesting.

That doesn't mean she doesn't love the kids. Being the perfect mother isn't her priority, especially in these circumstances, she just wants them to survive. I like seeing this imperfect view of a usually romanticized (or overly criticized) figure.

Because of this view of motherhood, I rate the movie higher than you would initially assume based on the several plot holes I've identified (and the several more I didn't mention).

P.S. mgk what are you doing here? And Wong from SVU?

P.P.S. No way would Sandra Bullock's hot younger military guy let her name the children Girl and Boy for years and years.

Rating: 5.5/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: Ok. Soo unfortunately my love of Sandra Bullock didn’t drag me from under my rock to get me to watch this when it was all the rage. But better late than never and my ruined cuticles and I cannot tell a lie- this was pretty great while giving every organ in my body cortisol damage from pure stress.

I have to just get it out that my reoccurring thought since we watched this is how awesome it is that the movie can illicit such nervous anxiety and fear without even having to worry about what these “monsters” look like (other than the pictures that crazy guy drew) but like seriousllly Grade A acting as to be expected. Sarah Paulson truly knows how to put on a good waterworks show.

* Quick aside- Sandra Bullock and Sarah Paulson - uh long lost sisters, what a duo? And all the other random actors?? I think MGK gave me whiplash. Totally not expecting that or John Malkovich?? Or any of the other random pop ups.

Anywayyy, I kept getting The Mist vibes, especially at the grocery store and in the car- and we know that went well for us, and I have to say sorry Stephen King but in terms of unseeable creatures and the end of times, Birdbox has got it going on.

I have no nails at the point I’m writing this. I probably didn’t breathe until the next day after seeing this?? I was so on edge and hated to know what happened next- and the jumps in time when this thing started to now with her trying to get her and the kids to the other group?? Soo fantastic- I do have to say tho I feel there are a lot of little plot holes and situations, and I’ve got questions, but I’m sure the book really goes into everything in greater detail, so I’ll let it slide. I loved how she ends up at a school for the blind and her ob/gyn is also there??? But how mortified would you be to say the kid’s names are boy and girl??? After the whole conversation 10years prior?? I’d die. I know there are deeper meanings to the whole story- and in the context it’s a horrific idea on how mental heath or really anything consumes people/ and the concept if you ignore it and do t look at it straight on it just goes away and doesn’t exist- but this is really a nerve racking story just at surface level too, and it’s interesting that it can be both with how the author created this story.

^ the whole concept of birdbox was lost on me momentarily while we watched this??? Honestly, I’m still gonna blame the Benadryl I’ve been taking for my allergic reaction so I don’t feel terrible about myself. 😅The whole out of sight out of mind deal- I legit forgot there were birds every time until they came back on screen—- but now I can’t stop thinking if how some believe birds can be messengers to people with the spirit world?? And if that was a reason the author chose birds??? It’s really killing me bc I love all the little different messages each bird symbolizes- but also like that’s a lot to put on a little bird?? Whyyyydddd he pick birddddss to see the evil things?!?!?!?!?!

I’m probs just reading too much into it. JOSH MaLERmaNnnnnnNnn why??

Rating: 6/10 Birds 🦜

[synfl0w3r]

Vent below, read if ya want I guess? I'm just rambling for myself here

Man sometimes I feel so distant from my friends, and like I'm putting in more than they are

I would drop everything for my friends, I would be there whenever they needed it and I want to spend as much time as I can enjoying my time with them

And I don't know if it's that my friends are too depressed or that they just don't share my priorities (or the scarier option of I just am not the type of person for them and no matter what I do I'll never be that)

But I find myself doing my best to talk to people, to message them and have fun and hang out and I don't usually get responses, and I'll have to check in with that person next time I see them irl

And I get not wanting to talk online all the time, personally I struggle with it a lot, but a lot of the time I don't need/want a super long invested response, I just want an acknowledgement that they heard my thoughts. And it'd be fine for me if it was every once in a while that this happened, but it's every conversation with some of them...

Sometimes I worry if I'm just not enough. I feel like I lost something we used to have, maybe it's life getting in the way, but I worry anyways. And part of it is that I'm a little jealous of how a certain friend seems to be with another one of my friends... which is probably selfish but I can't really help it. I want to know what's different about me, why are they an exception and what do I have to do to make you feel more comfortable?

Maybe I ruined it all when I was having a rough time mentally this past year, maybe it ruined our relationship and I'm never gonna get it back. Maybe I'm making this all up. I feel like I might never know because nothing is ever made clear, no matter how many times I try to be open and upfront with how I feel so I can work out how they feel as well, they never communicate back. I want you to tell me how you feel, because time and time again I've been vulnerable and I've tried to ask what you feel, and what you think, but I just get nothing.

Shit man, we kissed once and you won't even tell me if you ever loved me back or not.

I guess it's pretty obvious now that these problems mostly apply to one friend in particular....

[aestheticsconciergeoftexas1998]

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[rivalfortune5768]

What makes a God.

Continuing Reforged from the other day.

CWs: Not much really, just a bit more self doubt/loathing. it's chill.

I twirled my hammer in my hand, thinking. It had been about two weeks since young Radix found themself in my mentorship. I'd been planning to lead with smithing and forgework advice upfront, before explaining some of the more... complicated matters of godhood to them. So naturally the fates found it a perfect time to cast another perfectly aimed glop of spit in my face.

"...Well?" The young thing repeated, currently pouring a slow stream of hot wind from their skull. We'd experimented how to change the sourceflow so that there wasn't molten metal all over the shop, turns out you just need to dump raw dirt in there, can't seem to produce more earth so it defaults to whatever hits it strongest and fastest.

"...Well. That depends on what kind of god you choose to be, partially. But there's a method to this sort of thing, small one..." I say, tentative. It's been too little time since last that I've had to be patient with someone. Blunt does the job quicker and clearer.

"I could have poisoned whole towns! I need to go make sure they're okay! I need to. Fuck... I need to fix this!" They shouted. It had been a few nights ago, they woke up in the middle of the night, echoing down the tunnels their realization that, what with some sort of liquid nightmare leaking out their head they may have poisoned anywhere they passed to get here, in their haste. "I have to go out and fix it."

I nearly bang my hammer on the anvil to get their attention but I catch myself. Hammer it out later, now is the time to tap slowly, precisely. "Stop and listen to me. A god does not begrieve their mistakes, at least not to mortals. Their faith makes you who you are, and you would be wise to hold that in high priority."

"But-" I stop them this time, letting them obsess without focus will get us nowhere. "SO. What you should do is make use of your new form. Good riddance to the hooded pestilence that swept through this town in a fervor, for now there is a God reborn amongst them! Surely, they can solve our woes...?" I don't smile, I don't like what I'm suggesting, but there are ways We deal with these things.

The poor thing looks nearly crestfallen. "You want me to lie to them? I'm. I can't do that! I don't even remember if I'm good at it!" "You're shit at it, I can tell you that." They blink. "How do you know that?"

I think back to two weeks ago, they came to me then, before they were reforged. The damn child wailing like a canary, they said they were useless as is, that they didn't want to live. They cried, their lip quivering. Besides the obvious, they had just about every tell in the book that they were lying. "You told me how you found this place was that a priest from the village over told you about me. They're too young to know where I live." I, on the other hand, am a practiced liar.

And as such, they accepted my statement as gospel. The perks of teaching an amnesiac. I use the moment to strike while the iron is hot, so to speak. "You will not lie to them. You are different now, are you not? You wear a different name, no nightmares spill forth from your skull, hell you could change yourself more if it would help you convince yourself of the fact."

They stop, tears of self-loathing pooling in their eyes for a moment, stopped from spilling over by realization. "I... Could. Couldn't I?" They say in a small voice. "Master Kiln..." They continue, "Would you please... Please journey with me? I want to fix any messes I caused, I'm certain I've caused them. But. I don't want to ruin things for myself... I want to be a beloved deity, like my mother, but..."

I heave out a sigh and set my hammer down "Child. Enough doubt. I don't want to hear the word 'But' regarding your own plans or desires or worth or what-have-you until we are three villages out from here, is that understood?" I had planned for another era or two of solitude, yet I find myself faced with many 'But's of my own, driving against my own desires. "I will accompany you, and your education will continue as we travel."

They take a deep breath, trying to center themself as I've been teaching. "Thank you, master. I won't let you down." I nod and crack my neck "You wouldn't be the first of our kind to do so, child. Don't make promises you can't keep, just be ready to make amends for them." They look hurt, then confused. Perhaps they're picking up my habit for studying others.

They aren't ready to unravel that web yet, so I use the chance to shift my scale down to that of the common folk. This time I choose a broad frame. Rippling shoulders, arms, back, it's only right for a smith to be well-sculpted, after all. A modest pair of breasts, relative to the rest of my form, and a fine mane of red and black hair, styled as flames coming up from a beard and back along my spine.

Naturally, the young godling's jaw damn near hits the cave floor. "Can... I do that? Is that a thing all gods can do?" They ask, blinking as their eyes fail to properly process this new information. "Oh yes, how frustrating do you think it would be to walk amongst the mortals and be recognized by each and every soul?" I smile, this time.

I walk them through the process. I teach them that gods are faith given form, second that is. Firstly, gods are Ideas. Concepts. Things that souls we could only dream of dreamt up long before us or ours ever stood above the mortal folk. In order to shape yourself, you need only take what that idea means to you, any facet, it doesn't have to be the whole, and you find the faith that folk have in you, mortals, fellow gods, or yourself. You take that faith and you give it form from that idea.

Right as I finish explaining, as if they'd been doing it along to the words I spoke, they stood taller, that crack in their skull now a vibrant rust-tinged silver line of hair contrasting their long golden blonde. Lithe, not like they'd been starving, but like they were on the run from something. Built out of necessity. Their cloak matching their hair as it shifts, gold with a stark rust-silver stripe. Lastly, their eyes seem to refuse change. Blue tries to creep around their irises, but only seems to complete a half circle around their previous raven-violet. Odd but not unheard of. I begin thinking of ways to explain it away.

"Alright, with that, think on your name and story. I'll begin packing for the trip." We don't need to eat, but it will help keep appearances up if we carry food and water. Not to mention I'll need to find a non-enchanted set of tools and such to cart around with us... "Well, what are you going to go by? Any ideas for me?" They ask, looking down at themself, then up at me.

"I'll be Ser Radson, first name Ranulf. As for you, just don't use the name I gave you. Don't want folk months or years from now saying they were the first to know young Radix before they took their mother's title." The godling thought for a moment. "Before she took her mother's title." She stated, as correction to us both. I nodded. "Fair Astrid Meriweather, perhaps?" She coughs from astonishment instantly. "No way. Absolutely not. That's way too... Fanciful." "Think on it yourself then, little one." I say, before heading out of the room to gather our things.

[chillonxixa]

March 23, 2023

Maybe? I'm seeing Patrick Friday. I hate that I'm saying this, but the feelings I had while I was painting his birthday present feel fleeting. I feel guilty that I only thought about him in-between moments with Devin.

I'll spitfire.

He doesn't know what will happen with our future.: neither do I. I have absolutely no idea what's going to happen with my career, and it's not so much the career advancement, dick riding in the medical field, but more of the grand set up of a life where I can fuck off for a month and explore the way I want to. That'll always be my priority and I need to make this very clear when I see him.

If you want to be a "driving force in my life": all that I ask is that you are honest, so I can make my decisions based off a reality that exists.

I could have been upfront too. I'll admit my decision not to was cowardly, I misinterpreted when I should have asked. I've been thinking about whether communication should be natural or not. I wanna know your thoughts on it.

I don't know if I'll ever be the kind of person to think of things on the spot. The last time we had a check in conversation like that, I could have been down to talk about it, but you brought it up, said you've been thinking about it, but felt like you left it up to me to lead the conversation. And you brought it up towards the end when we were already close to my house. I felt some type of way about it because i was talking how much I valued our connection and you went off on a tangent about how having sex muddies things, so it didn't really feel like an intentional conversation. Again, I question if communication should be natural or not. Of course it's something every person needs to work on for the rest of their life but goddamn

I'm getting angry writing this, and I can feel the resentment.

Sometimes our dates feel like an errand you're squeezing in, and now that you've communicated that you have certain thoughts about making plans, not giving an evening to someone because you have things you want to do, I understand. But that's why I'm telling you what it feels like on this side.

I think we've established what we don't want for the most part, and we've beaten that horses's dead body to the ground, but I think we both never really talk about what we want, and if we do it's vague enough that we can both remain agreeable.

To be honest, I still mean it when I say I could tell you were going to mean a lot to me early on. But I wasn't pressing on you for something bc I didn't wanna press for something one sided. Because it's selfish to say that and not mean it when you declare value of someone's friendship.

I still don't know what you mean when you say these women were "needy" or "needed a lot of reassurance". I don't need anyone, but partners are supposed to be a safe place for you (of course not abused for it, like an endless well of positivity). But I love check ins, even when I'm sad and feeling like I want to be alone. I don't gather consistency from the frequency of us talking or seeing each other, but how well we show up for each other in the small time we do see each other. And to be honest, I like you but it's felt like it's leaned towards platonic.

Maybe in the beginning I didn't care much when or what we did physically, because I know I can handle myself, but I'm starting to see the value in feeling things out before we do any of that. So if I pulled back, that's why.

I'm crying writing this right now hoping I'm crying because my period's coming and not because I'm remembering how hurt and confused I was. Or how scared I am to love you, because when I say I could love you. It's not going to be the one that feels safe to entertain because I know we won't work. It's because I don't know if it would or wouldn't if I took the chance and that scares me.

[bi-sapphics]

hi I’m the same anon and I read your response. I hope I didn’t misinterpret anything you said.

I agree that it’s unhelpful to harass people for past things if they’ve genuinely changed, but I guess there are some disclaimers. like you I also had a small blog with maybe 20 followers at most, and my most popular post (out of. 3?) got 120 notes if I remember correctly. I never talked about my beliefs irl. but I did harass one person online with two gross anon messages who was starting to consider themself non-binary (albeit I swiftly stopped after talking to them when I learned they were psychotic. I didn’t want to make them feel any worse than they probably already were).

needles to say I regret that immensely. but as for the other things I mentioned, they’re still terrible. being in that headspace is really fucking unhealthy because it’s so disconnected from reality. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you have to actively want to change, and most importantly do something about it. change is gradual, even if you know you’ve been wrong. saying you had a rf blog out of “curiosity” makes something terrible seem innocuous. if you’re going around saying you being a rf was out of curiosity I don’t think people are going to believe you really see that era of your life as so bad. my philosophy is that if you’re talking about something harmful you did or believed in, you shouldn’t bring it up out of nowhere and when you do talk about it, talk about it with regret. if you truly believe what you did was bad, the emotion should come forth naturally.

I think people who’ve got their priorities straight will be content that you’ve gotten out of that hateful headspace and (hopefully) are now helping spread awareness and support for trans rights. nonetheless you should be aware of your past actions and try to learn from them.

oh, i agree completely!

and i'm glad you added the part about how even innocent intentions, or just pure curiosity, doesn't absolve you of having gone there ─ because i honestly forgot to do so myself, and i guess subconsciously assumed that was somewhat implied. my point was that it shouldn't be a defining reputation of any sort going forward into the future like like all these obsessive people want it to be. if someone comes upfront to talk about working on themselves and how they learned from their decisions without even being pressured to, then they should at least be given a chance! especially when the outcome of their time was at such a low degree of change, if any at all.

i do think it's worth mentioning that it's always a good thing to learn about what your opponent truly believes or says when not being confronted within their own spaces. even if you're not looking for a debate, it's generally the most sincere thing you can do if you're going to be talking about them, or at least actively advocating for the other side.

of course, that's different from the type of interest that encourages you to treat them as a reliable source. it's something we have to be careful about, because it's easy to fall into those sort of hiveminds when you're not keeping what you're reading in check. we have to walk a line between avoiding that and also avoiding spreading blatantly false information. that's not to say anyone like radfems deserve the upmost respect and care, because they don't, but it is to say that managing not to straight-up slander someone is usually a good look that makes you more credible. it's... what anyone is supposed to do, really.

but besides that, it's all you can do. if people don't see sense in that then all they have to do is block ─ also a miniscule action ─ and beyond that it just comes across as unhelpful harassment to me.

just my extra two cents.

[vanillahub]

Things you should know before becoming a mutual  

List 10 or more things you find to be essential for your blog. Essentially, highlight your rules! Let people know what they should be aware of and expected, from you! Then tag anyone you would like to learn more from! Feel free to steal this~

You must be at least +18 years old to even follow this blog. I’m well over the +20 years old mark, I’m uncomfortable having minors around me and my blogs (agelless blogs will be softblocked). I’m also constantly delving on subjects that just aren’t suitable for any minors, so really, there’s absolutely no reason why they should be here, period.

Your blog must have: a rules page, muse’s info, a sample of your writing (I have a preference for para/lengthier replies. I don’t like heavily formatted replies, if I find myself struggling to read your stuff then I will give it a pass) and there shouldn’t have a lot of OOC/things that are unrelated to RPing (negativity, very personal stuff, political rambles, support of call out culture, heavy on the discourse side of things, etc.).

Be mindful, english isn’t my first language! While I welcome and accept help with my grammar/writing, don’t use that to your advantage, so you can spin & twist the things I say for whatever reason. I’ve had this happen to me one too many times, and I guarantee you it’s not fun.

Mun =/= muse, fiction isn't reality. If you don’t have that concept clear, and you have a hard time separating those things. Then don’t even bother coming close to me.

Fictional kins and self-inserts aren’t welcomed here. Regardless if you're an OC, or if you hide behind a canon character. I feel IMMENSELY uncomfortable with people who heavily live through their muses, due to very bad experiences in the past. I’m not here to fulfill anyone’s fantasies in that way. Don't be dodgy about it.

Be upfront about what makes you uncomfortable, establish your boundaries and don’t ever be afraid to tell me I’ve crossed a line for you whenever we are plotting/writing something. I ALWAYS ask this to all of my partners, whenever I approach anyone to get discussions going. I always ask out of genuine care, for the other. Unless you tell me I’ve screwed up, there’s no way I’ll be able to fix it or even apologize for it.

Fandoms and communities I outright refuse to interact with: MLP, Undertale, Homestuck, FNaF, FNF, Genshim Impact, League of Legends (Arcane isn't an exception), Disney and the MCU.

Things that will make me unfollow: too much unrelated stuff to RP being constantly posted, if I feel like I’m only being used as a +1 follower to your count and lastly. If I no longer can see our muses interacting, either because their developments are clashing or plotting has taken nowhere.

I preemptively block users, that rub me in the wrong way. I also softblock users, when I don’t want them following my blogs. Take the L, don’t try to reach me out through other means. And for the love of God, don’t try sending people in an attempt to score an answer for you.

I don’t do well with people, who are CONSTANTLY moving around. Every other day making new blogs then abandoning old ones, picking up new muses and every so often changing their pen names. I’ve learned how there’s no enjoyment for me get out of those folks. I really need partners who wish to stick around, for the long run.

Just because we’re mutuals, and we’ve exchanged a few messages, it doesn’t mean we are friends. It’s nothing personal, but please let things take its natural course. I’ve been in this awkward situation, one too many times over the years.

I will not dumbify or tone down my portrayals, please, avoid muses that you know will touch on subjects that are touchy or make you uncomfortable. No hard feelings.

Shipping is FUN, but that’s not my priority. I’m definetely being a lot more chill in this blog about that, compared to my other ones. But still, I take huge enjoyment out of plotting & developing my muses. As such, shipping ends up taking the backseat most of the time.

It’s pretty easy to tell when someone is trying to befriend me, in hopes of scoring freebies from me. You guys aren’t being subtle at all...