#I don't have anything to say today goodnight | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

downbadf0rficppl · 1 year ago

Text

love in the dark

Natasha Romanoff x F!Reader

Summary: You're used to being Natasha's in the dark, where no one can see you, but what if all the hiding causes insecurities to rear their head and make you question if you are even good enough for this job?

Word Count: 12.5K (CRAZY IK)

AN: Maybe - definitely - OOC Natasha, but I wanted to get my annoyance out somewhere. It's been a long week *crying face*. Anyway, I can't write anything angsty (dk if I would classify this as angst angst but ya know) without a lil bit of fluff at the end so yh. Also sorry that the plot is a bit shit - I haven't reread this and it was a lil bit word-vomity?? Will reread and edit eventually haha. HEA, hurt/comfort vibes? :P

Take your eyes off of me so I can leave

I'm far too ashamed to do it with you watching me

The dim light of morning filters through the curtains as you quietly gather your things, your heart a tangled mess of emotions you’d rather not confront. Natasha’s apartment is always neat—pristine, even in its chaos—but today it feels colder than usual. The aftermath of the night lingers in the air: the weight of intimacy, of bodies pressed together, of shared moments that somehow don't leave a mark, yet always seem to hang over you.

You move with practiced ease, pulling on your clothes, the soft rustle of fabric breaking the stillness. Natasha’s absence from the bed doesn’t surprise you; she’s already up, probably training or doing some task to keep herself distracted, to keep from thinking about the mission, about what happened, about anything. You don’t blame her. You’ve seen the way she handles it—how she compartmentalizes her emotions, how sex is the one thing she doesn’t keep in a box.

The door to her bathroom creaks open as you finish zipping your jacket. She doesn’t look at you, her hair damp from a quick shower, her expression unreadable, almost distant. She grabs her black leather jacket from the chair, pulls it on, and heads to the kitchen, the clink of mugs the only sound in the otherwise quiet room.

You take a deep breath, gathering the courage to speak, but the words always seem to hang on the tip of your tongue, trapped behind something you don’t know how to say. You're younger—years younger—and Natasha... well, Natasha never gives anything away. Not in the way you want her to. Her walls are solid, built from years of training, of being a weapon. And you? You’re just a moment, a fleeting thing in her life.

You find her standing by the window now, her back to you, her figure outlined against the early light. She’s always like this after missions, like she’s trying to rid herself of the weight, trying to get back to being Natasha again, instead of... whatever else she’s forced to be.

“Thanks for last night,” you manage, your voice barely above a whisper.

She doesn’t turn to face you, doesn’t even acknowledge your words immediately. Then, as if the silence is too much to bear, she speaks. “You should go. Goodnight, baby.” Her voice is low, steady, but there's an edge to it—something you can’t quite place.

You nod, swallowing the lump in your throat. “Yeah. I know.”

You turn to leave, but something inside you twists, a knot in your stomach that isn’t just from the awkwardness. It’s the realization that, for all the time you’ve spent together, nothing will ever change. This is just routine—an unspoken agreement between the two of you. She'll keep using you to forget, and you’ll keep pretending this isn’t affecting you.

But Natasha doesn’t ask you to stay, doesn’t even look at you as you make your way toward the door. When you reach the threshold, you steal one last glance at her. Her eyes are on the window again, her face set in that familiar, unreadable expression.

You leave without a word, the door clicking softly behind you, and the silence that follows is deafening.

This is never ending, we have been here before

But I can't stay this time, 'cause I don't love you anymore

The quiet hum of the helicarrier was almost calming, the steady vibrations of the engines beneath your feet grounding you after a chaotic mission. You’d never felt more alive than when you were out there—fighting, taking down the bad guys, doing what SHIELD trained you to do. But tonight, that adrenaline wasn’t enough to silence the nagging feeling inside of you. You kept replaying the moments from the mission—the moments with Natasha.

The mission had gone smoothly. You had worked well together, flowing seamlessly as a team, and Natasha had even given you a rare, approving glance when it was all over. It had been a high-stakes op, but everything had fallen into place. When the mission was debriefed, there had been laughter, light-hearted jokes exchanged between agents, but your thoughts kept drifting back to Natasha.

Her touch had lingered, just a moment longer than necessary, when she passed you your gear. Her eyes had met yours once, a flicker of something in them. It was fleeting, but it was enough to make you wonder. Maybe she feels it too, you thought. The way she looked at you, the way she spoke—there was an intimacy in it, a spark you couldn’t quite ignore.

The night had unfolded with a casual invitation to meet in her room. No big deal, she’d said. Just to grab a drink, just to relax. But when you entered her room, it felt different. You both shed the weight of the mission in the space between words, the tension between you growing as the night went on. Her touch had been slow, almost gentle, when it first brushed against your skin. You’d been hesitant, unsure of what was happening, but she seemed so confident, so sure.

It wasn’t until later—after you were tangled up in each other, breathless, skin flushed—that you felt that spark you had hoped for. Maybe she was just as interested, just as real about this as you were. It wasn’t just a mission anymore, not just two agents getting the job done. There was a connection. There was something between you.

But when you stepped out of her room the next morning, something shifted in the air. The way she had casually kissed you on the cheek before you left, the way she didn’t ask you to stay, didn’t look at you the way you hoped—none of it was what you imagined.

Later, you passed a group of agents gathered in a corner of the mess hall, talking in low voices. You’d barely paid them any mind, too focused on your own thoughts, but then you heard it.

“I wonder who Nat picked this time,” one of them had said, laughing.

“Probably one of the newbies who doesn’t know any better. Gets what she wants, and moves on. No strings attached.”

The words hit you like a punch to the gut, your heart sinking lower with every syllable. Natasha. Natasha Romanoff. The woman you had admired from a distance, the one you had trusted and looked up to, had just used you. And maybe—maybe you had been just another mission for her.

You couldn’t help but feel the sting of that realization. You had wanted more. You had convinced yourself that there was something more to it—that the way she held you, the way she whispered your name had meant something. But no. This was who she was. A lone wolf. Cold. Detached.

You didn’t say anything, of course. You just nodded, forcing yourself to accept what you had heard, forcing yourself to forget what had happened the night before. The optimism you had clung to began to die right then and there. This wasn’t a relationship. This wasn’t something that could grow or change.

You walked back to your quarters, the weight of the mission—and your heartache—settling in your chest. Maybe it was better this way. Maybe it was easier to be just one of the many in a string of forgettable faces. The night with Natasha had been a blip. No more, no less.

The next time you saw her, you kept your distance, smiled a little tighter, and allowed the walls to go up. There was no point in hoping for something more when you knew exactly how this worked. She was always a few steps ahead of you, always thinking of the next mission, the next fight, never lingering too long in one place.

And you? You learned to accept that. No strings attached. No expectations. Just the way things were.

Please, stay where you are

Don't come any closer

The clang of metal against metal echoed through the training room as you and Natasha sparred. The fight was almost second nature now—quick jabs, swift dodges, and the occasional, playful taunt thrown into the mix. You'd gotten better at handling the pressure, but still, when it came to Natasha, it was hard not to feel like you were always playing catch-up. She was faster, stronger, more experienced. Sometimes, it seemed like she was born to fight.

You threw a punch, aiming for her midsection, but she dodged it with effortless grace, countering with a sharp jab to your ribs. You grunted, stumbling back a step, but you didn’t let it throw you off. You pressed forward, more determined now.

“Not bad,” Natasha said with a smirk, her voice light. “But you’re still weak. You need me to save you again, huh?” She laughed, a glint of mischief in her eyes.

It was a joke, you knew that, or at least, you thought you did. But something about her words hit you differently today. You weren’t in the mood to laugh. You had been pushing yourself hard in training, trying to prove that you could handle it on your own, that you weren’t just some rookie who was always under Natasha’s shadow.

You took a deep breath, trying to shake off the growing frustration that bubbled in your chest. You swung again, but this time, you missed her entirely. She dodged it effortlessly and caught your wrist in a hold that felt too tight.

“Still not enough,” she teased, raising an eyebrow. “Maybe I should give you some more training lessons. You know, to make sure I don’t have to keep saving you.”

The joke, the lightness in her voice, it only made you more upset. “Maybe I don’t need saving,” you snapped, trying to pull your wrist free from her grip, your temper flaring. “Maybe I can handle things on my own for once.”

Natasha’s smirk faltered, but she kept her hold firm. “Maybe I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Deep down you knew it was a joke, but it wasn’t funny to you—not today. Not when you already felt the weight of everyone’s whispers hanging over you like a shadow. She’s only here because she’s sleeping with Natasha. She’s nothing without her. Every agent seemed to think the same thing. Even some of your own teammates seemed to treat you like you were just an afterthought, a placeholder who only got the mission because of who you knew, not because of your skill.

You had always tried to prove them wrong. But when Natasha said things like that, it felt like all your efforts were for nothing. Like all of it was just... a joke.

You yanked your arm out of her grip and stepped back, glaring at her. “I don’t need you to save me, Natasha. I don’t need anyone.”

Her expression shifted, the playful edge in her eyes dimming. She didn’t understand. Of course she didn’t. She didn’t hear the things you heard, didn’t feel the weight of the judgment you carried every day. To her, this was just another training session, another moment of playful teasing. But to you? It was like being backed into a corner, your confidence slowly slipping away with every word.

“You’re being ridiculous,” Natasha said, her voice sharp now. “You know I’m just messing with you. Stop getting so moody.”

It stung more than it should’ve. You clenched your fists at your sides, holding back the urge to walk out of the room, to leave her there without another word.

But you didn’t. You just stood there, feeling the walls close in around you.

“You don’t get it, do you?” you muttered, trying to keep your voice steady. “You think I’m just here for the fun of it. That I can’t do anything without you. You don’t even see it.”

Natasha’s brows furrowed, and she let out a frustrated sigh, dropping her stance. “You’re being overly sensitive.”

You felt the words cut deep, the sting of her dismissal more painful than you wanted to admit. The last thing you wanted was for her to see you as some emotional mess. But it was too late. You could feel the heat rising in your chest, the ache of being ignored, dismissed, and reduced to nothing more than a pawn in her world.

“Fine,” you snapped, unable to stop the words from spilling out. “Maybe I should just go. You don’t need to deal with my mood anymore.”

Natasha didn’t even flinch at your outburst. Instead, she looked at you with a cold indifference. “Then fuck off,” she said bluntly, as if you were just another irritation, another moment she couldn’t be bothered with.

The words hit you like a slap. You froze for a moment, trying to make sense of it. She didn’t get it. She didn’t understand why you were so angry, why you felt so small in that moment. And you realized, with a sinking feeling in your stomach, that maybe she never would.

You turned and walked away without another word, your chest tight, your emotions a storm inside of you. You didn’t even know where you were going, but you couldn’t stay there, not with her. Not now.

Don't try to change my mind

I'm being cruel to be kind

The words hit like a slap in the face.

You hadn’t meant to overhear it. You had only walked into the SHIELD briefing room to check on some mission updates when Agent Ryder’s voice cut through the air, low but unmistakable.

You could feel the sting of his dismissive tone reverberating in your bones. Nepotism. The word had echoed in your head long after he’d left, taunting you. You knew the truth—your guardian wasn’t some high-ranking official, wasn’t some big shot with connections—but still, how could they say that? How could they reduce your hard work to just that? To nothing but the connections you didn’t even ask for?

You had always tried to prove yourself. Every mission, every task, every step forward was to show you deserved to be here, that you weren’t just some token agent or a pawn in a bigger game. You had trained harder than anyone. You had put in the hours, learned everything you could, sacrificed the same as everyone else. But still, every time you turned around, someone else was whispering behind your back, casting doubt on your worth.

And then there was Natasha. Her teasing had been the last straw. You had tried to laugh it off, to pretend it didn’t bother you, but you knew deep down that the way she dismissed you—it was just another reminder that you were expendable. You weren’t one of them. You were just... a mistake in the system.

So when you walked into the training room the next morning and saw Natasha leaning against the wall, arms crossed, looking as relaxed and confident as ever, something inside you snapped.

You didn’t go to her like you usually did. You didn’t smile, didn’t offer the usual greeting. Instead, you simply nodded once, cold and distant.

“Something wrong?” Natasha asked, raising an eyebrow as she stepped forward.

You didn’t answer immediately. Instead, you turned away from her, grabbing your gear and adjusting it with deliberate care. The silence stretched between you both. You could feel her eyes on you, studying you, waiting for an explanation, but you didn’t owe her one. Not anymore. Not after everything.

“You’re still upset about yesterday, huh?” Natasha’s voice was softer now, but there was an edge to it. A warning, maybe. “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

You ignored her, shoving your focus back into the task at hand, determined not to let her see the way your chest tightened. You didn’t want to feel weak. You didn’t want her to know how much her words hurt. You were done with this—done with pretending, done with leaning on her. You were going to prove yourself. You had to.

A few moments passed before Natasha stepped closer, frustration creeping into her tone. “If you don’t stop this, we’re going to have a problem.”

You turned to face her then, finally looking her in the eyes, the words spilling out before you could stop them. “No. We’re not going to have a problem. I’m done with this.” You swallowed the bitter taste in your mouth. “I’m done with you. I’m tired of being treated like I’m some kind of charity case. Like I don’t belong here unless I’m under your shadow.”

Natasha’s face shifted, confusion flashing in her eyes. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“You don’t get it, do you?” You took a step back, your voice rising in frustration. “You think it’s funny, don’t you? All of it. The way you make fun of me. Like it’s just a joke. Well, it’s not. I’ve been busting my ass here, and all you do is remind me that everyone thinks I’m just some charity case. Nepotism. You think that’s a joke? You think I need you to save me?”

Natasha’s expression hardened, her gaze flickering to the side, and then back to you. She crossed her arms, clearly trying to hold her composure. But there was something in her eyes—something tight, something hurt.

“Is this about yesterday?” she asked, her tone sharper now, but there was a hint of concern buried underneath. “You’re overreacting.”

“I’m not overreacting!” You shot back, unable to hold it in anymore. “You don’t get to dismiss me and then act like nothing happened. I’m not some... some... tool for you to use whenever you want. I’m not some kid you get to play with and forget about when it’s convenient.”

The words hung in the air for a moment, thick with tension. Natasha’s jaw tightened, her lips pressing into a thin line. “You think this is about me using you? You think I’m using you? Is that what you really think?”

You nodded, your heart pounding in your chest. “Yeah. That’s what I think.”

Natasha’s eyes flickered with anger, her usual calm demeanor slipping for just a moment. She shook her head, disbelief and frustration written all over her face. “You’ve got it all wrong. But fine, if that’s how you feel, then go ahead. Go prove yourself, like you keep saying you will. But don’t come crawling back to me when you realize you can’t do it alone.”

The words stung, but it was the way she turned and walked away—cold, final—that hit you the hardest. You felt the knot in your chest tighten, but you didn’t call after her. You couldn’t.

You spent the rest of the day avoiding her, your mind racing with doubt and anger. It wasn’t about the mission, not really. It was about feeling like you were fighting a battle on your own, with no one in your corner. The more you tried to distance yourself, the more you realized how much you needed her, even if it hurt to admit it.

But you were stubborn. You had to prove to yourself that you weren’t just here because of someone else. You weren’t going to be Natasha’s shadow anymore.

You couldn’t.

You have given me something that I can't live without

You mustn't underestimate that when you are in doubt

The morning briefing had gone smoothly, the usual debriefing about mission parameters, objectives, and exit strategies. But there was an undercurrent of tension you couldn’t shake. It was just a solo mission—nothing too difficult, Natasha had said, and you knew the protocol well. But the moment she had pulled out, just hours before takeoff, something in your gut twisted.

"It doesn't need to be a two-person mission," Natasha had said with her usual casual smile, but it hadn’t reached her eyes. "It’s easy. You’ve got this." Her voice had sounded almost dismissive, as if she hadn’t been training with you for months, as if she didn’t know how much you relied on her presence during missions. You knew Natasha wasn’t one for emotional goodbyes, but the absence of that small gesture—her usual good luck kiss before every mission—felt like a sign. You had never gone on a mission without one, and now, as you stood alone in the SHIELD hangar, you realized just how much you had come to rely on it.

She hadn’t even given you a heads-up, hadn’t said goodbye with her usual teasing smirk or reassuring look. It’s an easy mission, you told yourself. You don’t need her this time. But the unease in your chest told you otherwise.

You tugged the straps of your gear tighter, glancing once more at the aircraft. The mission was supposed to be straightforward: infiltrate a small criminal syndicate operating out of a hidden base in the mountains, retrieve intel, and get out. You’d handled worse. But you couldn’t shake the gnawing feeling that something was off. Your instincts were screaming at you, and for once, you weren’t willing to ignore them.

You checked your wristwatch again. The flight would take a few hours, leaving you with time to prepare mentally, but all you could think about was Natasha. The way she had waved you off with barely a second glance, as if you didn’t matter enough for a goodbye. You tried not to dwell on it. After all, Natasha didn’t do sentiment. But the emptiness in your chest was hard to ignore.

Maybe she’s just busy. Maybe she’s just focused on something else. But none of that helped. You were used to her being there with you, a reassuring presence by your side. You needed her, especially when the missions were dangerous—especially when you felt the weight of the world bearing down on you. But now, you were alone, and that felt heavier than you expected.

As the helicopter’s engines roared to life, you settled back into your seat, trying to center yourself. This mission wasn’t supposed to be difficult. You could do this alone, you kept telling yourself. But something about it didn’t feel right. Maybe it was Natasha pulling out at the last minute. Maybe it was the fact that she hadn't given you her usual kiss for luck, the one that always helped you steady your nerves before a mission. But whatever it was, it gnawed at you. Your instincts were telling you to watch your back. Something wasn’t adding up.

By the time you arrived at the drop zone, the helicopter had been quiet for too long. The mountainside stretched ahead, vast and intimidating, and the cold wind carried the promise of danger. You could see the hidden compound from the air—well-guarded, heavily fortified, and far from any backup. A simple mission, Natasha had called it.

You didn’t believe that for a second.

The drop was smooth, and you quickly moved into position, your boots crunching against the frozen ground. The area around the compound was still and eerily quiet. Too quiet. No guards on patrol. No sign of life. It didn’t make sense, but you pushed the unease aside. You had a job to do.

You made your way toward the compound, slipping into the shadows, the cold air biting at your skin. Every step felt calculated, but the tension in your shoulders refused to loosen. You kept glancing over your shoulder, as if expecting Natasha to appear and tell you everything was fine, that this was just another mission to add to the books.

But she wasn’t there.

You reached the compound’s perimeter and found the first guard’s post abandoned, his gear left behind but no sign of a struggle. There was no time to waste. You slipped inside, working quickly to disable the security systems and hack into the mainframe. The room you’d accessed was silent, save for the whir of the computers. As you pulled the intel from the servers, the cold feeling in your gut only grew.

Something wasn’t right. Your instincts had been spot-on—this mission had been a setup.

The hairs on the back of your neck stood up as you heard the faint sound of footsteps approaching. You froze, turning off the monitor and moving swiftly toward the exit. You didn’t have time to think. You just had to get out. The sudden realization hit you like a punch in the stomach—Natasha wasn’t here for a reason. She’d known this mission wasn’t as easy as it seemed. And now you were paying the price for going in blind, without her by your side.

Your heart pounded as you sprinted for cover, your mind racing. Every corner you turned felt like a trap. The compound was alive with activity now. You could hear voices, shouts, the sounds of boots hitting the concrete floor.

I should’ve known better. I shouldn’t have trusted this mission without her.

You ducked into an alcove, pressing your back to the cold wall, your breath shallow. The door to the room you’d just vacated opened with a quiet click, and a group of armed men poured in, searching for you. The walls seemed to close in on you as the adrenaline kicked in. You had to move, had to get out, or you would be trapped.

Suddenly, your body started to droop, collapsing against the wall behind. The last thing you saw before everything went dark was long red hair tied into a bun.

But I don't want to carry on like everything is fine

The longer we ignore it, all the more that we will fight

You woke to the sting of cold water splashing across your face, the shock of it making your body jerk awake, muscles aching with the memory of the fight. The pain was sharp, gnawing at your ribs and shoulders, each breath a struggle. The world around you was blurred, and all you could focus on was the weight pressing down on your chest.

Your eyes opened, blurry at first, and then the details started to sharpen: concrete walls, dim lighting, and the cold, oppressive silence that clung to the room. There were metal chairs around you, all empty but one. The leader of the enemy force, a tall man with a face carved from stone, stood before you, a smug look on his face as he held the bucket that had been your rude awakening.

He tossed the remaining ice water in your direction, a small slosh hitting your face as he watched you with cold, calculating eyes. “You’re a tough one,” he said in a low, mocking voice. “I didn’t think you’d last this long. But everyone cracks eventually, don’t they?”

Your throat was dry, and your tongue felt like it was made of sandpaper. You could feel the blood caked on your face, the bruises that were already starting to swell. But despite the pain, despite the overwhelming urge to break, you held your ground. You glared up at him, refusing to give him the satisfaction of seeing fear in your eyes.

“You’ve got nothing to say?” the man sneered. “You SHIELD agents are all the same. So loyal. So stupid. You’re all just waiting for your little friends to come save you, aren’t you?”

Your lips pressed together tightly, and you refused to let a single word slip from them. You couldn’t afford to give him anything. Not a single piece of intel, not even a whimper. You knew that if you did, it would all be over.

He stepped closer, placing a booted foot against your thigh, forcing you back against the cold concrete. The pressure was almost unbearable, but you didn’t flinch. The silence between you both stretched, thick and heavy, until he finally gave a humorless laugh and straightened up. “I can wait. All of you are the same. Eventually, you’ll break.”

But you didn’t.

The next few days bled together in a haze of cold, pain, and isolation. The room was a blur of steel, concrete, and fluorescent lights. There were no windows, no sense of time. Your body was sore, covered in cuts and bruises, and the hunger gnawed at you. But you couldn’t give in. Not now. Not when you knew someone would come for you.

They’ll come. They have to.

Every time they came in, it was the same—questions, threats, taunts. And every time, you remained silent. You couldn’t let them know how desperate you were. You couldn’t let them see you break. Even if every part of you screamed for help, you stayed resolute, hoping that somehow, someone would find you, someone would come and end this.

But no one did.

It was only when the fourth day passed, when the darkness of the room had become your world, that you started to feel the weight of your own mind closing in. The silence, the isolation, the constant threat of pain—it started to take a toll on you. The hunger gnawed at your insides, and your thoughts drifted in and out. You could still hear his voice echoing in your head: They’ll come for you. They’ll come...

It was on the sixth day that it happened. A crack in the door. The low hum of voices. The sound of boots. You didn’t move at first, couldn’t. But then, just like that, the door swung open, and a small team of SHIELD agents burst in, guns drawn. They moved quickly, efficiently, sweeping the room and securing the area. You didn’t even have the energy to react as they cut through the restraints on your wrists and helped you to your feet.

"Hey, it’s okay, you’re safe now,” one of them murmured, gently pulling you into their arms.

But the words didn’t register. You could hear them, but it was like they were coming from another world. You felt light-headed, your body numb, the weight of everything that had happened pressing down on you. Your mouth was dry, but you didn’t speak. You couldn’t.

The next few days were a blur of recovery, of medical checks and debriefings that you couldn’t bring yourself to respond to. Every word felt like it was coming from a place far outside of you, and you couldn’t find the strength to answer.

In the quiet, isolated room they had put you in at the base, you sat in silence, staring blankly at the wall. Every noise around you felt too loud. Every touch too much. They gave you time to recover, but you couldn’t shake the heaviness in your chest. Your mind had shut down, your body running on autopilot.

There were no words. You couldn’t bring yourself to speak. The trauma, the isolation, everything that had happened—it left you feeling hollow. Broken.

You didn’t speak at all for days, your body recovering, but your mind still trapped in the darkness of that cold room. The cold man’s words echoed in your head. You’re all waiting for someone to come save you.

But even as the team tried to coax you into talking, even as they brought you your favorite food and gave you the space to recover, the silence remained.

Natasha didn’t come. She wasn’t there when you needed her, and the weight of that felt heavier than any physical wound. It wasn’t her fault. You knew that. But somehow, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were still alone.

Your recovery was slow. You weren’t the same person when you were finally cleared to leave the facility. There was a coldness in your eyes, a distance in your posture. The silence you had once embraced had become a shield, and now, it was all you had.

Natasha had visited you once during your recovery. She hadn’t said much, just sat in silence beside you. But even when she reached out to touch your hand, you couldn’t bring yourself to respond. The trauma had built walls too high, too thick to break. And no one, not even Natasha, could find their way through.

You were alive, yes. But the silence that followed felt like it would never end.

Please, don't fall apart

I can't face your breaking heart

The sterile scent of the hospital room, the constant hum of machines, and the bright, white lights overhead did little to make you feel at ease. You stared at the ceiling, your gaze unfocused, your mind a swirling mess of everything that had happened. You couldn’t bring yourself to do anything. You didn’t feel like you were living—just existing, going through the motions. Every movement felt like an effort, and the space around you felt too small, too suffocating.

You hadn’t spoken since the rescue. Not to anyone. The silence, once a comfort, had become a prison you couldn’t escape. Your throat was raw from the lack of words, and when you closed your eyes, you could still see the cold walls of that room, the mocking face of the enemy leader, and the weight of the isolation pressing down on you.

The door opened, and you didn’t look up. You knew who it was before the first words even registered.

“Are you seriously ignoring me?”

The voice was sharp, familiar, cutting through the fog that had settled around your brain. Natasha.

You didn't respond. You couldn’t. Your mind was screaming for you to stay quiet, to not let her in, because the moment you spoke, you knew it would shatter the wall you’d built to protect yourself. But Natasha didn’t wait for a response. She stormed into the room, her boots heavy on the floor, her expression tight with frustration.

“I’ve been trying to reach you for days,” Natasha continued, her voice rising with every word. “Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been? I can’t believe you’re acting like this. It’s been weeks. You’re acting like a damn child, and I’m done with it. I don’t have time for this immature bullshit, especially from you.”

Your chest tightened, a knot of anger and confusion building inside you, but you refused to show it. You couldn’t. You knew better than to let her see the storm inside you.

“I’m sorry I didn’t follow your schedule,” you said, your voice flat and devoid of emotion. You couldn’t bring yourself to add any more, any more than the words that barely scraped out. Sorry for being alive, sorry for failing.

Natasha’s eyes narrowed as she took a few steps closer, standing at the side of your bed. Her face was hard, her anger not hiding the concern that still flickered beneath. “You think this is easy for me, too? That I just get to pretend nothing happened? That I’m supposed to just let you wallow in here like—like this?” Her voice broke slightly, but she quickly regained her composure. “This is fucking ridiculous, and I’m not going to stand here and watch you ruin everything you’ve worked for. Do you understand me? You’re going to lose everything.”

The sting of her words cut deep, but it was the accusation in her tone that truly hit you. The one that had been festering in your chest ever since you’d been dragged out of that hellhole. You weren’t who you thought you were. You weren’t the person who deserved this life. The dream job, the recognition, the chance to be someone worth a damn—none of it was meant for you. Not after everything that had happened. You weren’t strong enough to keep it all, to be who they thought you were. And Natasha—Natasha, who had always been a silent pillar of strength for you, was now reminding you how easily it could all be taken away.

Her words stung. Immature... Ruin everything... You could feel the weight of her disappointment settle into your chest like a stone, heavier than anything you had ever felt.

And then, it clicked.

The final straw broke. Natasha didn’t understand. She didn’t understand the extent of what had happened to you—the isolation, the pain, the days spent waiting for someone to find you, and the crushing feeling that no one would. You were broken, and she was treating it like it was just a phase. That you just needed to snap out of it.

But you couldn’t.

You swung your legs over the side of the bed, the pain from your injuries flaring in protest, but you pushed through. You weren’t sure where you were going, but you couldn’t stay here any longer. You had to leave. You had to escape the judgment, the expectations. You couldn’t pretend to be strong anymore.

“Don’t walk away from me!” Natasha snapped, but you were already moving. You couldn’t be near her right now. The anger, the betrayal—it was all too much.

Ignoring her calls, you grabbed the nearest coat, not caring that it didn’t quite fit right, and you made your way out of the room. You could hear her following you, her footsteps echoing behind you, but you didn’t turn around. You didn’t owe her anything anymore.

You didn’t owe anyone anything.

It didn’t take long to get to the secure office where you had to sign a few papers before they cleared your discharge. You barely registered the words the agent at the desk was saying. You barely noticed the fact that your fingers were trembling. You only had one thing on your mind—the resignation letter you had been drafting in your head for days.

You placed it on the desk in front of the agent, your hands shaking slightly as you slid the paper over to them. The words were short and to the point, and they made everything feel so final. So irreversible.

“I’m resigning,” you said, voice hoarse. “Effective immediately.”

The agent didn’t ask questions. They just nodded, their face unreadable, and then went about processing the paperwork. You watched, numb, as the reality of it all settled over you like a weight that you could never lift. You had dreamed of this job for so long, had worked so hard to get here, only to throw it all away because you didn’t deserve it anymore.

And in that moment, you felt everything you’d been holding in for weeks. The grief. The betrayal. The isolation. It all came rushing back, but you didn’t cry. You couldn’t cry. The numbness, the emptiness, it was all you had now.

You stood up, turning away from the desk, and for the first time in what felt like forever, you felt a sense of finality wash over you. No turning back.

It wasn’t until you were almost out the door that you heard Natasha’s voice again, this time softer, more desperate. “Wait.”

But you didn’t stop. You couldn’t.

The door shut behind you with a soft click, and the world outside felt both too big and too small at the same time. You were alone now. Completely, irrevocably alone.

And somehow, that felt like the only truth you could rely on anymore.

I'm trying to be brave

Stop asking me to stay

Clint’s sharp eyes caught you before you could make it out of the door, his footsteps quick as he crossed the hallway. He was dressed in his usual casual gear, a quiver slung over his shoulder, his expression a mix of concern and frustration.

“Hey, wait,” Clint said, his voice softer than it usually was when he called someone out. You didn’t stop. Your feet kept moving, your heart hammering as you tried to escape. But Clint was relentless. He grabbed your arm gently but firmly, turning you around to face him.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked, his voice laced with something like disappointment. “You can’t just walk out on everything. Nat’s worried sick.”

You looked up at him, eyes glassy, exhausted. “I don’t need anyone’s pity,” you muttered, your voice strained. “Not hers, not anyone's. Just... just leave me alone.”

Clint studied you for a moment, his eyes narrowing with understanding. Then, without warning, he pulled you into a quieter corner, away from the main corridors, where he knew you wouldn’t be overheard.

"Look," Clint said, his voice lower now, softer but still firm, "I don’t know what kind of crap Nat's been feeding you, but I can tell you're hurting. You think you can just walk away from everything, like it’ll make things better? You think that's gonna fix anything?"

You didn’t answer. You couldn’t bring yourself to. But Clint didn’t need an answer.

“I hear things,” Clint went on. “I’ve been around long enough to know when someone’s trying to hide something. And I’ve been in the rafters during most of those 'training' sessions with Nat. You think you’re the only one who feels small, huh?” His voice turned bitter, a subtle edge to it. “You think you’re the only one she’s pushed away?”

You stared at him, shocked, unable to respond. Clint saw right through you. He knew what was happening, and he wasn’t going to let it slide.

“She’s been messing with your head, hasn’t she?” Clint said. “Somehow, you think you’re not good enough, that you don’t belong here. You think everything you’ve done has been handed to you on a silver platter because of her. Well, let me tell you something—that’s not true.”

Your chest tightened at his words, but you still didn’t speak. It was like you couldn’t find the words. The guilt, the shame, the feeling of never measuring up to the expectations—they all churned in your stomach.

Clint let out a long, frustrated sigh, his eyes softening. “You’re good enough,” he said, his tone firm, but there was an understanding there that made your throat tighten. “You’ve earned every bit of your place here. And if she can't see that, then she's the one who’s in the wrong. It’s not about who you know or who you're sleeping with. You’re here because of you. Don’t you ever forget that.”

You felt the tears welling up, but you forced them back, swallowing the lump in your throat. Clint’s words had landed hard, and it was like a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding was finally being released. But before you could say anything, Clint stepped closer, lowering his voice even more.

“Natasha…” Clint trailed off, his jaw tightening. “She’s been a mess lately. She’s scared—scared of losing you, scared of messing things up. But she doesn’t know how to apologize for anything. She’s been pushing you away because she’s too afraid to admit what she’s done. So yeah, she's been selfish. But you can’t just run away from everything. You deserve better than that."

Your heart twisted at his words, and for a moment, you felt that familiar pang of wanting to believe everything he said. But the hurt was still there, the feeling of being abandoned in your most vulnerable moment. You didn’t trust yourself enough to believe that you were the one who mattered.

Clint left you with a small pat on your shoulder - he couldn’t blame you for wanting to leave, he just wanted you to know the truth that Nat definitely wasn’t going to tell you. Now to chew her out. It didn’t take long for Clint to find her. Natasha was pacing the hall just outside, her face etched with frustration. The second Clint approached her, she shot him a glare.

“Where the hell is she?” Natasha demanded, her voice tight with anxiety. “You didn’t—”

Clint held up a hand to stop her. “Sit down,” he ordered. “And listen. I’m done with you thinking you can just brush this off like it’s nothing.”

Natasha’s jaw clenched, but she stood still. Clint’s eyes were hard, and for the first time in a long time, he wasn’t holding back.

“You’ve been treating her like shit, Natasha,” Clint continued, his voice rising just enough to get her attention. “You think she’s the problem? That she’s just acting ‘immature’ or ‘childish’? Look around you for two seconds. You’ve been pushing her away, making her feel like she’s not good enough, like she doesn’t deserve anything she’s worked for. You’ve been feeding her insecurities—her real ones—with your own mess. And, she’s traumatised. Those guys out there, the ones that tortured her for six days because she went in without an extraction plan”

Natasha opened her mouth to argue, but Clint cut her off with a sharp motion.

“I hear things,” Clint said. “I’m up in the rafters sometimes. I hear the crap that other people say about her when they think no one’s listening. They question her place on the team because her dad was an officer in Fury’s good graces, or because they think you play favourites with her. They don’t realise that you’ve got something else going on, but all that shit compounded. You’ve made one of our best agents question everything about herself.”

Natasha’s face went pale, her expression shifting from anger to guilt in an instant. “Clint, I—”

“You’re lucky she didn’t quit sooner, Natasha. You’ve been so wrapped up in your own bullshit that you didn’t see how bad she was hurting.” Clint’s words hit like a slap. “Now go find her. And you better make this right, because if you don’t Fury is gonna be pissed.” The ‘and I’ went unspoken.

We're not the only ones, I don't regret a thing

Every word I've said, you know I'll always mean

Natasha stopped at the entrance of Tony’s stupid ‘serenity garden’. It was the last place she had left to look, and it looked like luck was on her side. You were sitting on one of the benches in the corner, your back to her as you stared into the depths of the Koi pond. It was like you were a part of the landscape now, blending into the tranquility of the place. Natasha felt her throat tighten at the sight. You looked so small, so vulnerable, so distant. She had never seen you like this—not once. It was always her who had the walls up, not you.

She took a cautious step forward, the grass underfoot crunching softly as she neared you.

Natasha called your name softly, her voice hesitant, like she was testing the waters. You didn’t respond immediately, and for a brief second, Natasha was unsure if you had even heard her. The silence between you felt thick, almost unbearable. She sat down beside you, not too close, but close enough that she hoped you could feel her presence.

It wasn’t the same as before—when she had always known what to say to you, when her words had always been sure, always laced with a confidence that kept her safe. But now? Now she had no idea how to begin. Her usual sharp tongue had failed her. There were no easy words to break the ice this time, no snarky jokes to hide behind. Only you—and the wreckage she had left in her wake.

You turned your head just slightly, enough to see her. The surprise in your eyes caught her off guard. You’re surprised to see me here, Natasha realized. You didn’t expect her to come. You didn’t expect her to care enough to seek you out.

And for the first time ever, Natasha didn’t know what to say.

Her mind was racing, every thought colliding into the next. She opened her mouth, then closed it again. She glanced at you, her expression filled with uncertainty. She could feel the weight of everything she had said, everything she had done, everything she had failed to do. The words that had always come so easily to her were nowhere to be found now. It was as if the depth of your hurt had trapped her, left her speechless, helpless.

You, on the other hand, hadn’t moved, hadn’t turned to face her entirely, but your gaze lingered on her for a moment longer than usual. You could sense her struggle—Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, speechless for the first time in your memory.

“Nat?” you finally said, the question carrying more weight than it should. You almost didn’t recognize your own voice, hoarse and small, like the person you had been before all of this had come crashing down.

She looked at you, the smallest glimmer of relief flickering in her eyes, but it was quickly replaced with the same guilt she had been carrying for days now.

“I…” She stopped herself, shaking her head. “I don’t know what to say.”

You blinked at her, surprised. This was the first time you’d ever seen Natasha lost for words. You’d always been the one fumbling for the right thing to say, the one who couldn’t figure out how to get past the pain. But she—Natasha Romanoff, the one who always had control, always knew how to navigate even the most dangerous situations—she was the one who was struggling now.

It was like the world had shifted, and the unshakable woman you had always known had suddenly become... human.

It is the world to me that you are in my life

But I want to live and not just survive

Her voice was soft, as if the weight of everything she had been holding was finally catching up with her. “I messed up,” she said quietly. “I messed up, baby. And I... I don’t know how to make it right.”

Your chest ached as her words hit you. The vulnerability in her eyes was raw, and it took everything in you to keep the tears from falling.

“I’ve been a mess,” Natasha continued, her eyes looking straight ahead, not daring to meet yours. “I didn’t realize how badly I was hurting you... And I was so wrapped up in my own shit that I just—I pushed you away. I thought you’d be fine. I thought you’d understand. But I see now that I made everything worse.”

You swallowed, the words feeling like they weighed a ton in your chest. You couldn’t speak, not yet. But you turned your head slightly to face her, your gaze still unreadable.

“I never wanted to make you feel like you don’t belong here,” Natasha said, her voice breaking slightly. “I never wanted you to think that you were here because of me, or that you weren’t good enough.” Her lips tightened, frustration and regret flooding her features. “I just—I didn’t know how to deal with my own feelings. And I made you think I didn’t care. But I do. I care. I care about you more than you could ever know.”

The silence stretched out between you both, and for the first time in what felt like forever, Natasha felt small. Her pride, her strength—all the things that had always defined her—were gone, stripped away by the vulnerability of this moment.

You glanced at her, studying her face. It was like you were seeing her for the first time—broken, fragile, and unsure.

And for the first time, you allowed yourself to feel the smallest sliver of hope.

“I don’t know if you can fix this,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “But I need you to know something, Natasha. I needed you. And you—you—were the one who turned away.”

Her chest tightened at the weight of your words, but she didn’t flinch. She nodded slowly, accepting the truth, knowing it wasn’t something that could be undone in a moment. The air between you and Natasha felt heavy with words you couldn’t articulate. You had remained silent for so long, allowing her apology to linger in the air like a fragile thing—something too delicate to touch, to hold onto. But now, with the weight of her words pressing down on you, you couldn’t remain silent any longer.

“I’m leaving,” you said, the words steady, though they felt like they weighed a thousand pounds in your chest. You weren’t sure why you were telling her this now, but you had to. You had to make it real, to take control of something in your life again.

“I’m transferring,” you added, your voice quiet but firm. “I’m going to Quantico. I’ll be working with the FBI as a consultant. It’s not what I thought I’d be doing, but... I don’t deserve to be here anymore. I got the hint.”

The words felt like a confession, a goodbye you hadn’t yet found the courage to say. There had been so many dreams—so many things you’d imagined for yourself at SHIELD. You had fought for them, worked tirelessly, sacrificed for them. But now, they felt like they were slipping away.

Natasha didn’t say anything at first. She didn’t even look at you. Her eyes were fixed on the ground, like she was trying to find the words. You knew what she’d say. She’d tell you that you were making a mistake, that you had so much potential. But it wouldn’t matter. Nothing would fix what had been broken.

You could feel the emotions swirling inside of you, but you had already made your decision. It was easier to walk away, easier than confronting everything that had gone wrong.

But then, she spoke. And it was different from anything you’d expected.

“You’re the best SHIELD has to offer,” Natasha said, her voice steady, though there was an underlying urgency in it. “You’re the best agent we’ve got, baby. I... I don’t think you see it. You’ve done things that people can’t even dream of. You’ve proven yourself time and time again. You’ve earned your place here. And I know I haven’t made it easy for you, but you belong here.”

Her words hung in the air, and for a moment, you couldn’t quite comprehend what she was saying. Her voice was fierce now, insistent, and you could hear the raw sincerity in it. But none of it felt real. None of it felt true, not in the way you needed it to.

“I don’t believe you,” you said, your voice quiet, almost lost in the distance between you. “I don’t think I’ve ever truly belonged here. Not in the way you think. I’m not you, Nat. I’m not cut from the same cloth. I’m just—me. And I’ve been holding on to a dream that doesn’t fit. Not anymore.”

Natasha’s expression faltered. She opened her mouth to say something, but the words died on her tongue. She could feel your resolve, could see how broken you were, how done you seemed. It was like you had already left—mentally, emotionally, even before physically walking away.

Her chest tightened. “Baby, listen—"

But you shook your head, cutting her off. “Whatever you’re going to say, Nat, I’ve heard it all.” You inhaled sharply, the words rushing out. “And I’ve finally started hearing what’s been said. And now I’m seeing what’s been true all along. I’m not enough, no matter how hard I try. No matter how much I give. And you... you’ve made it clear that I’ll never be anything but a second choice. I was just a comfort to you, a distraction. You made me feel like I needed to prove myself—like I needed to earn my place, but I did. I did, and it never mattered.”

There was a pause. Natasha’s lips trembled, the harshness of your words sinking in. She knew she had been wrong, knew she had made everything worse. But hearing you speak this way—so broken, so defeated—it shattered something deep inside her.

"Please..." Natasha's voice faltered, her tough exterior cracking. She reached out toward you, but the gesture was hesitant, unsure. “I never meant for it to be like this. I never wanted to make you feel—”

You pulled away, standing up slowly, the decision final in your mind. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve made my choice. I’m leaving. And I don’t think you’ll miss me that much anyway. It’s easier to pretend like you don’t need anyone than to admit you might be wrong about something.”

That's why I can't love you in the dark

It feels like we're oceans apart

Before you could take another step, you felt a hand grip yours. Warm, strong, and unyielding. Natasha had caught up with you, her fingers laced around yours, holding you in place. You didn’t turn around. You weren’t sure you wanted to face her again, not after everything that had been said, not after the rawness that she had exposed.

Natasha’s voice was softer now as she called your name, more vulnerable than you’d ever heard it. “Please, just—don’t walk away yet.”

You swallowed hard, trying to steady your racing pulse, but it was hard when every part of you wanted to run. You didn’t stop, but neither did she.

Her grip tightened, pulling you back just a little, her touch sending a mix of warmth and tension straight through you. When she spoke again, her voice wasn’t the confident agent you were used to, the one who had always kept her emotions under lock and key. There was something different now, something uncertain, almost as if she wasn’t sure of her place in your world anymore.

“I’ve messed up,” Natasha continued, her voice shaking with emotion. “I know I pushed you too hard. I know I made you feel like you weren’t enough, like you didn’t belong here, and... I did that because I wanted you to be the best. I wanted you to be safe. I was afraid that if anything happened to you—if I lost you on a mission, I—I don’t think I could survive it.”

You could feel her breath, the rise and fall of her chest close behind you, but you didn’t turn around. Not yet. Her words hit you like a wave crashing into the shore, raw and jagged, and for a moment, you didn’t know how to process them.

“I pushed you because I was scared. And in trying to protect you... I ended up pushing you away,” she whispered, the confession hanging in the air, the depth of it too much to ignore. “I was wrong. I’m sorry. I was so so wrong.”

The air between you both was thick with everything she had just said, and you stood there for a long moment, processing it all. But it wasn’t enough, not yet. You couldn’t bring yourself to face her—not yet.

“I don’t know how to forgive you for this, Natasha,” you said, your voice a mixture of anger and hurt. It wasn’t snark this time, no biting sarcasm, just raw emotion. "The only time something terrible happened to me, something that almost killed me, was when you abandoned me. You made the call. You didn’t show up. I was out there, all alone, and you weren’t there when I needed you most.”

Your chest tightened as you spoke, the hurt pouring out like it always had, but now it was different. Now, it wasn’t just anger. It was a deep, aching sadness that threatened to drown you. And despite yourself, you couldn’t stop the words from coming. “You made me feel like I wasn’t worth it. Like I wasn’t worth anything.”

You could feel Natasha’s breath hitch behind you, the weight of your words striking her deep. She didn’t say anything at first, and when you finally turned around, you saw the truth in her eyes—guilt, sorrow, and a pain you hadn’t expected. The sight of it, the way her face crumpled in on itself, broke something inside you.

Her hand fell away from yours, but it wasn’t because she wanted to let go. It was because she was shaking, trembling with emotion that she could no longer hold in. And then you saw it—tears. Two, maybe three, glistening on her cheeks. Natasha Romanoff, the unshakable Black Widow, was crying.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she whispered, her voice quivering. “I didn’t. I’m so sorry. I never wanted to make you feel abandoned. I... I couldn’t bear the thought of you in danger. But... I hurt you worse by pushing you away.”

For the first time in all the years you’d known her, you saw Natasha unraveling in front of you, breaking apart piece by piece. It felt almost cruel, to see her like this after everything you’d been through. But as much as your heart ached for her, you couldn’t bring yourself to forgive her. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

“You can’t just apologize and expect everything to be okay, Nat,” you said, the words coming out sharper than you intended. “You hurt me. You made me feel worthless, like I wasn’t enough. And when it mattered the most... when I was out there fighting to survive, you turned your back on me.”

Natasha flinched at the force of your words. They were like a punch to the gut, and you saw how much it hurt her to hear them. But the truth was, you couldn’t keep pretending that everything would just magically be okay.

“I know,” Natasha said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I know. And I can’t take that back. I can’t make up for it. But... I just need you to know, I care. I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know you care,” you said softly, but your voice still carried that edge of distance. “But that’s not enough anymore. I don’t know how to keep going back to the way things were. I can’t keep coming back to you only to be left in the dark again.”

There was a long silence, the kind that seemed to stretch on forever, and Natasha stood there, her shoulders slumped, her eyes filled with unshed tears. She was broken, but that didn’t change the fact that what she’d done had hurt you in ways you weren’t sure could ever heal.

“You’re right,” she said finally, voice cracked. “You deserve more than this. You deserve better. Someone who won’t make you feel like you have to earn their care, someone who won’t turn their back when things get hard.”

You stood there, feeling the weight of the finality in her words, and for a long time, you didn’t know what to say. You looked at her—the broken woman in front of you—and you realized that, despite everything, despite all the hurt, you didn’t want to stay. You needed to walk away. For yourself.

“I need to walk away, Natasha,” you said quietly, your voice steady but firm. “I don’t know what we were, what we are anymore. But I can’t do this anymore.”

You turned towards the exit, your steps unfaltering as you walked away. Natasha half expected - hoped - you’d turn around and run to her. But you didn’t. You walked away, slowly, your footsteps fading into the distance, away from SHIELD and away from her.

There is so much space between us

Baby, we're already defeated

A year later…

It was a quiet evening when you walked into the bar after a long day, your mind still buzzing with the details of your latest case. Quantico was different to SHIELD in almost every way. The people were different, the procedures were different, but you found that - after getting into the swing of things - it wasn’t worse. Just different.

The dim lighting of the bar, the hum of conversation, the clink of glasses—it was a familiar comfort now, one that made you feel grounded after the chaos of your job. You ordered a drink and leaned against the bar, letting your shoulders drop, the weight of the day lifting slowly.

That was when you saw her.

Natasha Romanoff, standing across the room, her back slightly to you as she talked to a stranger at the bar. But even from behind, something about her caught your attention. She looked different. Older, somehow. More... mature. The woman you had known was always poised, confident, and untouchable—but there was something in the way she held herself now that made her feel more human. Vulnerable, even.

Her hair was different too—shorter, sleek, straight, a stark contrast to the wavy red that had once framed her face. She had always been beautiful, but now she seemed to radiate something else—something quieter, more grounded.

You stared for a moment, unsure if you were seeing things right, but as she turned to glance around the bar, her eyes met yours. Recognition hit her almost immediately, and she froze for a second, her expression flickering with surprise. Then, just as quickly, it softened.

Her voice was a little hoarse as she whispered your name, almost like she hadn’t expected to see you here, or maybe she hadn’t heard your name in so long that saying it felt foreign.

You didn’t say anything at first. You just watched her—really looked at her—before taking a slow step forward. “Natasha.” Your voice was calm, composed. Different from the way you used to say her name with that sense of longing, of wanting something that wasn’t ever going to be.

She gave a small, tentative smile, the kind that spoke volumes about how much time had passed, about how many things had been left unsaid between you. "You look... good," she said, her eyes flickering over you.

It was an understatement. You felt good. You felt like you were finally living a life that wasn’t defined by the weight of the past, by the mistakes you’d made and the ones others had made for you.

“I could say the same about you,” you replied, with a small smile of your own. “You look different. I like it.”

“Yeah.” She ran a hand through her new, shorter hair, a nervous habit, before looking back at you. “A lot’s changed.”

“Clearly,” you said, glancing around. You couldn’t help but take in the way she stood—so different from the woman who had always been so self-assured, so used to being in control of every situation. But in a way, it made her more real, more approachable.

The two of you stood there for a moment, the air between you awkward but not uncomfortable, as if neither of you knew where to start. It was Natasha who broke the silence first.

“So, how’ve you been?” she asked, her voice softer than you remembered it. “Really?”

You raised an eyebrow at her, unsure if she even knew what really meant anymore, after everything. But it was a simple enough question. And you’d spent the last year being honest with yourself, so why not? “I’m doing alright. Different. Moving on. Got a new job at Quantico. Therapy’s been helping. I’m in a better place now.”

Natasha nodded, though you saw the flicker of something behind her eyes—a mix of regret, of longing, maybe. “I’m glad to hear that. I’ve... I’ve been trying to do the same. It’s been a long year. Things haven’t been easy, but I think I’m getting there.”

You studied her for a moment, your expression unreadable. The quiet honesty in her voice made you want to believe that she was trying. You could see it now. She had changed too.

“You’re still working for SHIELD?” you asked, trying to keep the conversation casual, as if the past didn’t hang over both of you like a thick, invisible cloud.

She nodded, but there was a hesitation in her movements. “Sort of. I’ve been taking a step back, working in a different capacity now. More... behind the scenes. I guess I’m trying to figure out who I am, outside of all the missions, the work.”

It hit you—she was no longer the same person either. The intensity in her eyes had softened, and there was a certain sadness to her that you hadn’t seen before. She seemed tired in a way that wasn’t physical—tired of running, of hiding behind the façade she had built. You hadn’t seen this version of her before, and in some ways, you almost didn’t know how to react.

“So... what now?” you asked, the question feeling lighter than it should. “Now that we’re both here, like this.”

Natasha’s eyes met yours, and there was a long pause, the weight of everything that had passed between you hanging heavily in the air. And then, almost as if on instinct, you spoke.

“Do you want to come back to my place?” You offered the invitation like it was just a reflex—like things could go back to the way they were, the comfort of those old habits, the way things had felt when it was just the two of you, before everything had gone sideways.

She looked at you for a long moment, and you saw the conflict in her eyes. She was torn, and you could see in her eyes, that something was playing on her mind.

“No.”

Everything changed me

And I don't think you can save me

The words hit you like a jolt, a shock of electricity shooting through your chest. Natasha’s eyes were steady on yours now, no longer hesitant, no longer uncertain. There was a firmness in her voice that you hadn’t heard in a long time—a quiet confidence that seemed to say she’d finally found something worth fighting for. And for the first time in a long time, you saw Natasha Romanoff not as the untouchable spy, not as the woman who had left you behind, but as someone real, someone who had learned from her mistakes.

“I’m not going to make the same mistake twice,” she said, her voice low but with an undeniable certainty. “If you want me, I’m going to do it properly this time. No more running, no more half-heartedness. I’ve hurt you, and I won’t do it again. But this time, it’s going to be on our terms. If that’s okay with you.”

You stared at her for a long moment, taking in the gravity of what she was saying, the weight of the promise she was offering. For so long, you’d wondered if this day would ever come. The idea of this—of her asking—had seemed impossible, a distant dream you never thought you’d reach.

And yet, here she was, standing before you, offering a chance to try again. A real chance.

“Dinner tomorrow?” she asked, her lips curving into a small, tentative smile. “If you're free?”

You didn’t have to think long. The question felt so simple, so natural, in a way that almost made you want to laugh at how easy it seemed compared to everything that had come before.

"Yeah," you said, the answer escaping your lips before your mind had fully processed it. "I’m free."

Natasha’s smile deepened, the corners of her eyes softening as she took in your response. It was a quiet victory for her—one that meant more than words could convey. She wasn’t expecting you to forgive her immediately, or to trust her completely. But she was willing to try, and that was more than she had ever given before.

“I’ll pick you up,” she said softly, her voice almost shy now. “I’ll make sure it’s a good night.”

You nodded, still processing the fact that she was here, still standing in front of you, willing to do what she hadn’t done before. And for the first time in a long while, you allowed yourself to believe that maybe, just maybe, there was something worth saving between the two of you.

“Sounds good,” you replied, a quiet confidence settling in your own chest. “Tomorrow then.”

With that, Natasha gave you one last look, a small, genuine smile gracing her face, before she turned and walked out of the bar. You stood there for a moment longer, feeling the weight of everything that had happened between you two, and then, for the first time in a while, you allowed yourself to feel something else—hope.

Tomorrow. You were willing to see where it could go. And maybe, just maybe, Natasha Romanoff was going to do it right this time.

You saved me.

The evening had been everything and nothing like you expected.

Dinner was at a beautiful, upscale restaurant with soft candlelight flickering across polished wood tables, glasses of wine that felt far too expensive, and Natasha—sitting across from you, more present than she had ever been. She wasn’t the untouchable agent, the mysterious woman who kept her emotions locked away. She was Natasha, just Natasha, in the soft glow of the candlelight, her laughter filling the space between the two of you, the lightness in her eyes almost enough to make you forget the weight of the years spent apart.

The night had been filled with easy conversation, the kind that flowed without effort, as though the years of silence hadn’t really existed. But it had. They had.

And yet, here you were, sitting across from her in a place that made your own paycheck look laughable, eating food that was far too rich for your taste, and all you could think about was how right this felt. You hadn’t expected it to be this natural, this easy to fall back into old rhythms, the way she looked at you like you were the only person in the room. And by the time you were back at your apartment, after a night of shared glances and a warmth between you that neither of you had ever truly experienced before, you couldn’t deny it anymore.

You wanted her. You needed her. And maybe, just maybe, you were ready to give her another chance, to let her love you, to let yourself love her again.

The moment your door clicked shut behind you both, Natasha pulled you into her, her lips capturing yours with an urgency that felt foreign, yet so familiar. There was no hesitation this time, no walls between you. Her hands roamed to your sides, pulling you closer, as though she couldn’t get enough. You met her halfway, losing yourself in the kiss, in the warmth of her touch, the way she made you feel like everything would be okay.

It wasn’t just the kiss though. It was what she said in between—her voice breaking the quiet with a rawness you hadn’t expected.

“I love you,” Natasha whispered against your lips, her hands tender as they traced over the curve of your jaw, as though she was afraid to let go. “I love you. And I never want to keep you hidden again. I’m done pretending I don’t need you. You’re everything.”

Her words hit you like a wave. They didn’t come with the weight of shame or regret this time. They were just the truth—simple, honest, and real. She loved you. After everything, after all the mistakes, she still loved you.

You breathed out a soft laugh, a tear slipping down your cheek at the raw vulnerability in her voice. She reached up, brushing it away with her thumb, as if she could erase the past for you, make everything better with that one gentle gesture.

“I’ve missed you,” you said quietly, your voice catching in your throat. “I’ve missed this.”

Natasha smiled, a single finger running down your cheek. "I don't want to hide you anymore. Let me love you in the light."

fin.

#natasha romanoff x fem!reader #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x female reader

799 notes · View notes

daisymbin · 29 days ago

Text

just like this - kim mingyu

warnings: none

pairings: kim mingyu x reader

genre: best friends to....??

wc: ???

a/n: some soft gyu 😬

check out my masterlist! // gyu's m.list

mingyu doesn't hear the door to his apartment beep unlock, & he doesn't hear the door to his room opening. but mingyu shuffles in bed slightly when he feels a warm arm wrap around his own. he almost doesnt know who it is, until he does. then, he feels your leg go over and wrap around his own's; spooning him from behind.

taking advantage of him shuffling slightly to adjust better so you'd get more comfortable, you quietly whispered from behind, "gyu, it's me." as you nudge your face into the crook of his neck just a little more, getting comfortable, ready to drift off.

mhm, he hums, "I know," he answers softly.

then, a beat later, "couldn't sleep?" he asks quietly.

"i had a bad nightmare and couldn't fall back asleep since 1am" the exhaustion and slight fear still laced in your soft voice.

mingyu simply turns around completely, facing you. his eyes open slowly, still heavy with sleep, but he doesn't miss the way you looks so small in his hoodie. "turn around," he says, "I'll cuddle you to sleep."

you turn around and mingyu shifts closer, his chest flush against your back, his arm reaching around you, pulling you impossibly closer towards him. he shifts you slightly again, tucking his arm under your neck as your head rests against his pillow.

it's only then that mingyu's heart starts to stutter and speed up when he takes in a deep breath; the scent of your shampoo from earlier today mixed with a scent that's so sweet. it's unmistakably you, just your scent. "do you want to talk about it?" he offers, while the arm around you starts loosely tracing reassuring mindless circles in a small attempt to calm you.

"maybe in the morning," you utter back, "or maybe next week, or next month when i have enough courage to talk about it." you added with a sigh.

"the dream was that bad?" his eyebrows furrow slightly in concern.

mhm, you hum back, "something like that."

"tell me," he pushes; determined to make you feel better. "at least tell me who or what it's about." he adds.

after a minute too long, when mingyu thinks you've already fallen asleep, he hears you whisper so softly, "you." almost as if it wasn't meant for him to hear.

mingyu wonders if he should push it, if he should ask further. but the gnawing at his heart doesn't want to let go. if its a bad dream about him, surely he can make you feel better. right?

"what did I do? what happened?"

again, you went silent for a minute & mingyu wonders again if you've fallen asleep. but then you push yourself back towards him. your hand reaching for the his; the one drawing circles around your arm, intertwining your fingers with his. "you fell in love." you said a little louder this time.

mingyu's heart sinks to his stomach as anxiety starts to flow through his veins, his warm hands suddenly turns sweaty and starts to feel clammy around you, "with you? is that so bad?"

mingyu feels your hand tighten around his own, your thumb starts tracing circles around the back of his hand where they rest as they intertwine. "no..not bad at all. just. you didn't fall in love with me." you confessed, "you fell in love with someone else." your chest rises significantly as you take in a deep, heavy breath.

"would you have wanted me to fall in love with you instead?" your best friend asks.

"goodnight mingyu," you say, "im tired."

mingyu doesn't answer. but he wonders if you can feel just how fast his heart is beating against your back; still flushed against him.

"i love you." he says against your hair.

you don't know what he meant. he loves you...as a friend, right? probably so. how could it be anything but?

"i love you too." you answer, & mingyu too, doesn't know what it meant. as a best friend? or did you love him the way he does? the way.. you wanted him to fall in love with you too? or in the way him falling in love with someone else in your dream was so terrifying you had to come over and sleep next to him in your arms at 3am?

tomorrow. mingyu thinks to himself. tomorrow he will ask. & tomorrow he will tell you. just how terrified he is of you falling in love with someone else just the same.

& maybe tomorrow, you'd both be able to sleep soundly at night. just like this, in his bed, in his arms, in his clothes. just like this. but maybe, hopefully, with both your love out loud.

510 notes · View notes

flwrstqr · 10 months ago

Text

͏ ྀི𓈒⠀𖥔 SECRETLY DATING YOUR BROTHER'S BEST FRIEND ♡

͏ ͏ ͏ ͏💬 brother best friend ! enha x f ! r . ˙˖ �� ͏᱖ ͏ ͏ head canons, fluff ͏,, kissing + petnames ͏꒰´ ꒳ ` ꒱♡ dani's notes : i had so much fun writing this ㅠㅠ

𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆

you sit on your bed, heeseung's hand intertwined with yours, his breath warm against your ear. "we have to be quiet," he whispers, a smirk playing on his lips as you nod, your heart racing. your brother's just down the hall, completely unaware of what's happening in your room. heeseung's lips capture yours, the kiss deepening as you pull him closer, your fingers tangling in his hair. "you're going to get us caught," you murmur against his mouth, but he just chuckles, his hands exploring. "worth the risk," he mutters "i love you," heeseung breathes, and you smile, feeling the same

𝐉𝐀𝐘

you're in the living room, watching a movie as jay sits next to you, his hand discreetly resting on your knee. "stop it," you whisper, glancing towards the kitchen where your brother is rummaging through the fridge. jay's eyes twinkle with mischief. "i can't help it," he murmurs, leaning in to brush his lips against your ear. you bite your lip, trying to stay composed. "we're going to get caught," you say, your voice barely audible. jay's lips curl into a grin. "let him catch us," he whispers, pressing a quick kiss to your lips before pulling back just as your brother walks in, oblivious of what happened. you shoot jay a look, but he just winks

𝐉𝐀𝐊𝐄

"why are you here?" your brother's voice booms from the hallway. "just helping your sister with some homework," jake lies smoothly, winking at you when your brother's back is turned. you roll your eyes but can't help the smile tugging at your lips. once your brother leaves, jake's lips are on yours for a quick kiss. "we have to be more careful," you say softly. he grins, pulling you closer. "it's more fun this way, don’t you think?" he whispers, making your heart race.

𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐍

"you shouldn't be here," you whisper, heart pounding as sunghoon smirks, his hand sneaking around your waist. "your brother's downstairs," you add, glancing nervously at the door. he leans in, lips brushing your ear. "that's what makes it exciting," he murmurs, pressing you against the wall. your breath hitches as his lips find yours, soft but insistent. "sunghoon, we can't get caught," you manage between kisses. "then we better be quick," he replies, making your head spin

𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐎𝐎

you sneak into the dimly lit living room, trying to be as quiet as possible, but sunoo catches you just as you’re about to sit down. "you didn’t think you’d get away without a goodnight kiss, did you?" he whispers, pulling you close. his lips brush against yours, sending shivers down your spine. you can hear your brother’s footsteps coming from the hallway, and you pull back, breathless. "shh, he’s coming," you giggle. "he doesn’t know anything," sunoo grins, his hands resting on your hips. "not yet, at least," you whisper, playfully.

𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐖𝐎𝐍

you hear the front door creak open, and before your brother can spot you, jungwon grabs your wrist, pulling you into the shadows of the hallway. "we need to be quick," he murmurs, pressing you against the wall, his body close. his lips hover near your ear as he whispers, "i’ve missed you today." you shiver, feeling his warm breath on your neck. "i missed you too," you reply softly, your fingers brushing his cheek. just then, the sound of your brother’s voice echoes down the hall. jungwon leans in, giving you a swift kiss that leaves you breathless. "see you later, okay?" he whispers

𝐑𝐈𝐊𝐈

"riki, you know if you come, my brother is gonna kill both of us," you whisper as he climbs through the window. he smirks, eyes glinting with mischief, "i don't care, angel," he murmurs, stepping closer. his lips brush yours teasingly. "you're playing a dangerous game," you murmur. "that's what makes it fun," he replies, his hands sliding to your waist. he leans in again, leaving you breathless. "riki," you gasp, "we have to be quiet." "i can be quiet," he grins

1K notes · View notes

pearlescentparade · 5 months ago

Note

Omg someone who does forsaken YAY 😭 headcanons for Two time x deity user that’s based off of the spawn point cuz like two times in a cult or something

heh... ive gotten requests for two time..... two times [gets shot]

🔄 two time x spawn deity! reader headcanons 💞

utterly devoted to you. you literally represent all of that which they believe in, why wouldn't they be??

always by your side, or following you. they're a Shadow, after all

their insanity intensifies, but they insist that they feel at peace with you. the problem is, it's only with you. when you're not around, they feel restless and irrational

they might have separation anxiety

you need to remind them to eat, sleep and take basic care of themself because they forgo those in order to spend all of their time with you

would do anything you ask them to, so it's easy to get them to do the last headcanon if you frame it as if it's an assignment from you

"it's late. many mortals sleep at this hour."

"that's okay, i don't need to sleep!"

"...i grow weaker with my followers. i ask you to sleep so my power is maintained."

"ah, i see! then goodnight, my god. please watch over my dreams!!"

only ever refers to you as "my god", never your name or anything else

whether you're actually connected to the cult or not, they'll follow you above everything else. why settle with the believers when they could have the belief itself?

refuses to tell the cult about you, despite being a fellow member. they believe you've chosen them as your most devoted and faithful follower, and if the others knew about you, two time's worried you'll be too occupied with the other members to gaze upon them again

you agree with not telling the cult, but rather because you're already bothered enough by the one member. you can't imagine dealing with several at the same time if they're all as clingy as two time is

meeting you makes them feel like all the terrible things they've done were worth it

you've tried to isolate yourself from them, feeling that no mortal should ever be so bonded to a deity and it would only lead to ruin

it was no use. they found you, no matter where you were

akin to a dog, loyal and dependent

a bit annoying to be honest. when it gets too much you just kill them and respawn them to teach them a lesson. it's traumatizing and excruciatingly painful, so you don't know why they keep coming back to you even so

sometimes other deities tease you about them

"oh? i see your little puppy isn't with you today."

"refrain from referring to my follower like they're an animal, lest you desire for me to sick them onto you."

they like to be cupped in your palms and brought close to your face when you're in a larger form

you like to put them into a forcefield and lightly shake them around like a hamster in a hamsterball. two time does not find this nauseating activity as amusing as you do but they suck it up and deal with it because you look pleased doing it to them

two time gets very overprotective when someone approaches you. clutching their dagger, they're ready to strike at any sign of danger

you think it's foolish for a fragile mortal to risk and endanger their life for a deity that doesn't die as easily. though you tell them this many times, two time still persists on it

desperate for your approval

loves to bring you gifts, though you say you've no need for material things. think of it as sacrificial offerings! hand-made bracelets, food, a body... a body?

thankfully, they were only an unconscious person that two time happened upon while on their way to meet with you.. and thought it was a good idea to sacrifice them to you. you released them and reprimanded two time

they've attempted to offer their blood, but you quickly stopped them before they could draw it with their dagger, reminding them that harm to them harms you too. that was enough to get them to never consider it again

has a shrine dedicated to you, complete with incense and pictures and statuettes made in your likeness

lowkey wants to sever you from your divinity and ground you to the mortal realm

(a/n: this concept kinda crazy this is like if u were buddhist and siddhartha gautama himself was real and was ur bff like can u imagine anyway i imagine this relationship would be super codependent and a bit more on the unhealthy side considering reader's mere existence would fuel two time's obsession with the spawn so i hope i did well at portraying that!)

#forsaken #forsaken x reader #homicidalporkchops #roblox #roblox x reader #two time forsaken #two time forsaken x reader #two time x reader #forsakenroblox #sfw

807 notes · View notes

satoruxx · 10 months ago

Text

THE SPACE BETWEEN COMFORT AND CHAOS.

✧ PAIRING: wolf!toji fushiguro x f!reader | 5k words

✧ SUMMARY: wolfhybrid!toji, hybrid au, grumpy x sunshine, animalistic behavior, bickering, mentions of injuries, hints at past violence/abuse, societal inequality, arguments, medical equipment, toji is a little less of an asshole in this lmao !!

✧ RHEYA'S NOTE: and here's part three !! i didn't expect it to be this long but here we are lmao. pls make sure to read the previous parts before this one to understand what's going on !! anyways i hope you enjoy :33

prev. | series masterlist.

toji has only been with you for two days, and you can already confidently say that stubbornness is a staple for him.

the first morning, he had stayed in his room until you had gotten up, only ambling outside when he heard the sound of you moving around in the kitchen. it was only then that it dawned upon you that you hadn't given him anything to eat after his shower the previous night, and he watched you practically trip over yourself trying to apologize.

when you asked why he didn't just ask for food, he only shrugged his shoulders with an adamant scowl, and that's when you knew you'd have to be the one to suggest things for him. because if you don't say it, toji will not ask for it.

the first day had passed by rather unceremoniously. after you fed him a heavy breakfast, which he had tore into with no hesitation, he just lumbered back into the room and fell asleep again. you didn't really know what to do—perhaps he was just exhausted from all the injuries and spending time outdoors.

so you didn't bother him. he spent the rest of the day repeating this cycle, coming out for food and then going back in. only later at night, you had finally bothered him, telling him that you'd replace the bandages you tied the previous night after he showered.

so that's what you did, and he nodded at you in a silent goodnight before heading back in. you must've saw him for maybe two hours in the whole day.

but today your approach is different.

you'd be lying if you said you weren't concerned about his injuries, because you know there is only so much you can do with your first aid kit at home. besides toji is as silent as he is stubborn—you have no clue what other injuries he's hiding from you. and that's what you're trying to reason out with him now.

it's not going well.

"toji please," you beg, trying to push yourself into his line of sight. "i promise they'll help you."

"no. no way," he hisses back, baring his teeth. "they'll just send me back to that hellhole."

"no they won't! they'd want to help you get better!" you're feeling more and more desperate as his stubbornness rises. you're not nearly smart enough to know how to treat even a quarter of his wounds. besides, toji had been on the streets for at least over a month—isn't it smart to want a doctor to check it out?

"maybe they'd wanna help," he grunts, crossing his arms. there's a hint of panic coursing through his veins, but he masks it well with rapidly rising irritation. "but they will send me back. don't you get it? i'm a wild animal. they aren't gonna send me out to go roam the streets. they'll send me back to the ring because they know i'll be kept under control there."

your shoulders slump, watching as he takes a seat on your couch—he keeps himself pressed to the very corner of it, and that just makes you feel more miserable. you take a seat on the other side, keeping your distance.

"okay, no big hospitals," you acquiesce. "but i definitely don't know how to fix those kinds of injuries."

toji half-heartedly shrugs, a wry smirk tugging at his scarred lips. "who cares? i'm tough, they'll heal."

you grimace. "definitely not. they'll probably get infected."

toji holds up his bandaged arm with a canine grin. "what d'ya mean? you did a pretty good job with this."

you pout at that, oddly embarrassed, but you remain steadfast in your argument. "all i did was disinfect it and wrap it up. but that doesn't mean that's all it needs. what if you need stitches or something?"

toji sighs heavily, fingers loosely curling around his wounded arm. he won't deny that you've been spectacularly caring for him over the past two days. and it's not like he really wants to upset you or anything.

but he has gone through too much to risk even a chance at being thrown back underground.

"i'll live," he sighs. he doesn't know much about being polite, but he does know that he doesn't enjoy the idea of being mean to you. for some reason he thinks that would just make him feel shitty. he's not sure why though—he's never been interested in what humans think anyway.

your eyes narrow, aggrieved. "if i find someplace that won't turn you in, then will you come?"

your relentless pursuit makes toji want to roll his eyes. he's not sure why you don't just take no for an answer. but he wants you to drop the conversation, so he just replies with a huffed, "sure."

there's no place you could take him that wasn't going to rat him out anyway. if you wanted to give him medical care, they would always ask for his details. and when they find out that he's not yours, and that he's come from off the streets, they will no doubt send out an alert.

and then it's only a matter of time before he's being thrown in the back of a van, drugs pumping through his veins.

he'd much rather stay in your cozy little space for as long as you'll let him, drunk off the comfort of good food and a roof over his head.

but toji did not realize that he had severely underestimated your sense of determination.

and that's how he finds himself sitting in an examination room, with you nervously tapping your foot against the floor. the muscles in his face hurt from how long he's been glaring at the wall, too angry to look at you. he knows you probably mean well, but he's almost sure that he'll never see you again after this appointment.

he's prepared to be dragged out of the building by a group of guards holding heavy tranquilizer guns—like so many of his kind before him.

"you're still mad." you say it like a statement, unamused, and toji huffs in return.

"you're underestimating how strong i am." he gives you a sidelong glance, and you bristle, crossing your arms and giving him a defiant stare.

"i think you're overestimating how strong you are." you shake your head, the defiance melting into earnest. "seriously though. i don't know much about treating wounds and i really don't want it to get worse."

he throws you an indifferent glance. "what's the point if they just send me back down there? at that point, little scrapes won't fucking matter."

you purse your lips. "i'm telling you, no one will snitch here."

"how are you so sure?" toji hisses back, ears pointing upward. you don't flinch, opening your mouth to answer.

"well—"

a knock interrupts you, and you both look to the door. toji's hackles rise almost immediatley, a low growl rumbling in his throat—something is off.

he can smell it.

the doctor walks in, blonde hair neatly pushed back and large frame covered in a white coat. his smile is friendly and mature, demeanor calm, and yet all toji can focus on is that this doctor is not human.

the short and rounded brown ears sitting atop his head is a clear indication.

toji almost hops off the bed. he has half a mind to take your arm and drag you out of there because why on earth is there a predator hybrid here at the doctor's office?

but before he can make a move, you're smiling wide at the blonde, voice coming out sweet and casual. "hi kento."

toji blanches, watching this "kento" guy exchange pleasantries with you like it's the most natural thing in the world.

do you just make it your business to go out and become friendly with dangerous predator hybrids? because toji cannot understand how a little human like you knows a fucking bear hybrid so well.

"is this him?" the doctor asks, finally looking at toji perched on the examination bed. you nod mutely, eyes raking over his figure.

the blonde steps forward, reassurance rolling off of him in waves because he can probably smell toji's apprehension. you do your best to bridge the gap.

"um toji, this is kento nanami." you motion to the blonde, who is watching toji like he's a specimen under a microscope—it makes toji's skin prickle. "kento, this is toji…um…"

he realizes that you're missing information and he spits out his last name quickly. "fushiguro."

"pleasure to meet you," nanami nods courteously. "though i wish it was under better circumstances."

"you're a hybrid." toji blurts it out before he can think twice. you throw him a semi-disapproving glance, but he doesn't pay it any mind, gaze too focused on the doctor's clearly animalistic traits. he recieves a placating smile in return.

"i am," kento nods, looking down at the chart in his hands. "and it seems like you are too. wolf right?"

"yeah," toji nods absentmindedly, trying to brush past all of this. he's more curious about the bear so casually standing in front of him. a hybrid even being allowed into a position as highly respected as a doctor is already an amazing feat—that hybrid being a predator hybrid was even more shocking.

"like i said on the phone, he's got some cuts and scrapes on his stomach and arm. i didn't know how serious they were…" your voice trails off, and the blonde nods indulgently.

"it's good you brought him in. they might be infected or need further care."

he turns to toji, whose ears remain alert and upright, and picks up his stethoscope. when he approaches, toji bares his teeth, snarling.

he can see you grimace from his peripheral. "toji—"

"it's okay," nanami holds up a palm, before pinning toji with an unwavering stare. "you're worried about confidentiality right?"

"there's no way a fucking doctor can get around this," toji spits in return. his palms are sweating. all he wants to do is drag you out of there and go hide in your home, because there is no other place that is safe. "i don't trust you."

"you don't have to trust me. but…" the doctor subtly nods his head in your direction. "do you trust her?"

toji's eyes flicker over to yours, watching the tense worry swirl within them, and he grumbles incoherently. his stomach flips in on itself. nanami takes his reluctance as a go ahead, pressing the metal of the diaphragm against toji's chest.

the wolf remains silent, though he is still irritated.

"relax," nanami sighs. "i won't tell anyone. trust me, i know how hard it is to make it out of there."

toji watches with rapt attention as kento lifts his stethoscope off, and his green eyes zero in on the branded numbers burned just under the doctor's jaw—0703.

toji's skin tingles, just where his own numbers are burned. 1231.

bile rises in his throat, but he pushes it down.

"you got out," toji mumbles, not able to keep the surprise out of his tone. nanami nods, a soft smile on his face as he writes down toji's heartrate on his chart.

"about seven years ago." he nudges his glasses further up his nose. "i made a run for it and then laid low for a few months. after some time, they called off the search."

"huh," toji grunts, disbelieving. he's not quite sure how this guy has managed it, but clearly he's done something right to be standing in front of him.

"of course, i was lucky," kento laments, motioning for toji to hold out his wounded arm—he does so wordlessly. "i was not an extremely popular or sought out fighter, so they didn't put that much effort into trying to find me."

toji believes that. bears tend to be on the gentler side of the predator groups, and while he's sure nanami could easily handle himself in a fight, it is always the more aggressive hybrids that are the most popular.

he would know after all.

"after that, it was just about finding another place to build up my life again." toji barely registers that the doctor has begun numbing his arm, too focused on his anecdote. from the corner of his eye, he can see that you're listening in with rapt attention. "i decided i'd make use of my freedom and pursue my dream career."

you and toji spend the next half an hour listening to nanami talk about his experiences. all the while, the doctor skillfully stitches toji's wounds up, never once faltering in his movements. he talks about the escape plan, the relentless pursuit of soldiers, of remaining in hiding until freedom was finally found. toji feels an odd sense of camaraderie, knowing that he has gone through quite a similar process in the last few months.

nanami explains that laying low was the hardest part, always on edge while stepping into the light because you can never be sure who's hiding in the shadows.

toji will never say this out loud, but thank god he found you.

"since then i've made it my job to help others like me," kento finally finishes securing the bandages around toji's abdomen, before looking up with a half smile.

the wolf mutely stares back. he recognizes that his body has relaxed in the doctor's presence, and his gaze flickers up to meet yours. there's a look of satisfaction sitting in your eyes, probably relieved to see that his wounds have actually been taken care of.

when you notice him looking, you give him a soft smile—he expertly looks away.

"trust me. i won't tell anyone about you." nanami stands up straight, fixing his glasses, before giving you a warm smile. "besides, she's an old friend."

the doctor nods at you, and toji suddenly feels a strange streak of irritability, especially because you beam in return—so grateful and sweet. a stone sits heavy in the wolf's stomach.

"i really appreciate this, kento." you look at the blonde earnestly. "it took a lot of convincing to get him to come get checked out."

"it's good you did." nanami pins toji with a knowing stare. "conditions are rough back there. usually hybrids have more injuries than they know."

"really?" you look between the two of them meekly, and toji has half a mind to tell nanami to stop talking—worry is not a good expression on you.

"they don't usually treat their hybrids when they get injured in fights. so yes, a lot of them tend to have past injuries that don't quite heal." you nervously assess toji's body with your eyes, and the wolf can hear the soft chuckle nanami lets out. "don't worry. he's fine."

your shoulders relax, and toji watches you with rapt attention.

a few minutes later, nanami leads you both to the receptionist, who toji notices, is a dark haired mouse hybrid—ijichi kiyotaka is printed across his nametag. the doctor quietly explains something, and the mouse nods, before typing away into the computer. toji realizes that they are probably falsifying records, and he relaxes immediately. while you settle things at the counter, nanami addresses toji one last time.

"you'll need to come back in a week so i can see the wounds again. until then, just take care of it like i explained and you should heal nicely."

toji nods, ears twitching awkwardly. "right…"

"if anything else happens, don't hesitate to come in." the doctor adjusts his glasses with a friendly smile. "you're always welcome. be careful out there."

toji swallows. he is already unused to such blatant kindness, but now you've managed to surround him with it. maybe your stupidly sweet personality attracts similarly sweet people.

in that sense, maybe he shouldn't be allowed to stay around you, too dark and gloomy for someone so bright.

nanami takes the wolf's silence with a soft laugh, before he raises his hand to wave at you. you grin back, before heading for the door—toji immediately follows you out. the two of you walk in relative silence, quiet but not uncomfortable.

his body feels good now, probably because of the numbing agent and secure bandages, but regardless, he feels good. he has not felt this comfortable in a long time, but it's not completely unwelcome. as weird as it sounds, he thinks that he wouldn't mind being the silently hulking animal wandering the city at your side.

there is one thing he's itching to ask though.

"how do you know him?" toji asks casually, still staring straight ahead. he can feel your gaze land on him, but he does not reciprocate it.

"kento?" he bristles at the name, but nods. "oh well. a few years ago my friend had to leave for a two week long business trip. she has a puppy hybrid at home, and of course her hybrid knows how to take care of herself, but my friend told me to go visit her and just check if she was okay every few days."

there's a strange look of sympathy on your face as you speak, and toji reels at how easy it is for him to pick up.

"when i went over one day, i found her just passed out on the ground. i had no clue what to do. hybrids might look like us humans but their health and anatomy is a little different, and i didn't know a single thing about puppy hybrids. so i went online and looked up specific doctors and hospitals that were good for hybrids because i was too nervous to just take her to a regular hospital. that's how i found kento."

your lips quirk upward, half rueful and half fond. "i figured a doctor who was an actual hybrid would treat her better than a human doctor would."

toji listens quietly. he does not know many humans who would put this much consideration into hybrids, mostly because hybrids are kept as pets, not considered as equals. he cannot understand why you thought so deeply about a hybrid that wasn't even yours.

"anyways since then i've bothered kento with a lot of things." you chuckle to yourself. "like last year there was a stray cat in my alleyway with a broken paw, and i brought him to kento even though i could've just taken him to a vet or a shelter."

"why's that?" toji awaits your asnwer, ears twitching at the sound of your amused voice.

"kento's always been really sweet and gentle to his patients. i guess i just trust him." you turn to peer up at toji with a smile. "that's why i knew he wouldn't even think about ratting you out."

toji grunts in return, not wanting to admit that you're probably right. any other hospital or doctor would have to report that there was a wolf hybrid out there that was unaccounted for. since you are not his owner, they'd immediately throw him back where he came from—after all, predators like him are too dangerous to be left alone.

"if anything, you can visit kento for whatever. he'd keep your secret."

"you willing to bet on it?" toji asks you gruffly, and you smirk at him with a strange spark of challenge in your eyes.

"bet my life."

he grins—another feral display of animalistic behavior.

"that's a lot to bet," he comments, flashing his canines at you, and you nod back, pleased.

"i'm pretty confident in myself."

"hm." toji lips remain in their comfortably amused position. he briefly recognizes that his feet are automatically taking him back to your place, and he internally questions just how many times he has found his way back to you before.

"we have another stop to make." toji glances at you as you speak, raising a heavy brow.

"where's that?"

"clothing shopping."

he blinks, frowning. "why the fuck would we do that?"

"well since you're staying for at least a couple weeks until your wounds heal, you probably need clothes," you say matter-of-factly. "the pair of clothes i gave you are the only things i have. you need more."

he briefly wants to ask whose clothes those are, but he shuts his mouth, knowing it's none of his damn business. he can still smell them, the smell of some other man—his lip curls distastefully.

"i don't gotta stay with you for that," he mutters, shoving his hands into his pockets. he can feel his claws scrape against the fabric. "i can just go back to your precious doctor myself when i need to."

"and who's gonna pay for the visit?" you ask dryly. toji bristles, heat prickling at the back of his neck. you sigh heavily.

"look, i'm telling you i don't mind." your voice is earnest, and he can feel your unrelenting stare on the side of his face. "i would feel really uneasy if you left and i didn't know what happened to you."

"why do you care so much anyway?" toji doesn't mean to sound so accusatory. he's now realized that you are just one of those stupidly rare good people, but even then he wonders why you don't just kick him to the curb and move on with your life.

but instead you frown at him, semi offended, and then roll your eyes.

"well…" you shrug nonchalantly. "we're friends. so i care."

friends.

toji almost scoffs in disbelief.

unsurprisingly, you are utterly ridiculous. he knows that you both have shared conversation for many weeks while he waited for food in your alleyway. and he realizes that he has stupidly memorized your schedule, so much so that he found himself waiting in the rain when you didn't get home on time. and sure, you had so tenderly and idiotically invited him into your space and treated his dirtied body with the utmost care.

but friends?

you really needed better survival instincts. and to stop being so trusting. it's stupid, and dangerous, and probably not good for you in the long run.

(but the word ignites a pleasant flame deep in toji's belly—unwavering and strong. he finds himself unable to extinguish it.)

an hour later, toji finds himself awkwardly rummaging through racks and shelves of clothing. the bright lights and intense air conditioning makes his hair stand on end, body feeling oddly exposed. but then his jade eyes scan the store and find your figure, curiously peering at items without a care in the world, and he relaxes a bit.

after a while of picking out a few dark and albeit plain pieces of clothing, he finds that shopping is somewhat enjoyable. the different textured fabrics are soft under his claws, and his ears twitch pleasantly at the sounds of music playing low through the speakers.

occasionally he'll look up from the shelves and see you in the distance—a few times you look back, and give him a sweet smile and a small wave that has his throat feeling strangely dry.

(it would be easy to devour something so openly waiting there.)

he immediately looks away.

toji briefly wonders what kind of clothes you tend to prefer, mind wandering. he bites back a huff of amusement when he thinks about the fluffy pajamas you were wearing when you came outside holding that stupid umbrella.

so damn silly.

"do they seriously just let animals roam around unsupervised?"

his moment of peace is shattered by a grating voice, shrill with age and obnoxiousness. toji turns to look over his shoulder, expression sour. though he towers over her, the old lady standing about five feet away from him looks anything but scared.

"you talkin' to me?" he raises a brow, hair standing on end.

"yes you," she sniffs in his direction, eyeing him from head to toe like he's nothing more than dirt on the bottom of her ugly boots. "animals aren't allowed indoors."

toji bristles, sharp eyes narrowing. despite being used to these comments, they still make his skin flare with heat. he briefly considers reacting how he normally does when he faces this kind of attitude—baring his teeth and spitting out growls and insults until the person is scared shitless.

but then he realizes that it's not like he can just snap at her and run away. his actions will so easily be traced back to you and your pristine smiles. he finds the idea of putting you in trouble to be nauseating.

so he bites his tongue, ears tense and flicking irritably—he's making decisions on your behalf now, too.

"i don't know how on earth they let you in here." she glares at him snootily, physically unable to shut up. "letting animals wander around without any—"

"actually he's mine."

toji turns to look at you as you take your place at his side, your voice clear and steady. warm fingers curl around his bicep comfortably, but there is ice in your expression that he has never seen before. you glare at the lady, who suddenly looks bashful.

"oh? that's so impressive. you managed to tame a beast this dangerous?"

he suppresses an eye roll, ready to walk you away from the ordeal, but your expression gets colder, anger radiating off of you in waves—toji does not know why it makes him so pleased.

"actually i didn't tame him at all," you hiss back, spitting the word like it's venom. "and if you make him mad i won't stop him from attacking you."

her face pales, but indignation comes off stronger. "excuse me? you don't know how to control your own pet?!"

"he's not my pet. he's his own person," you snap irritably, gaze cold—though toji can feel your heated aggression rising. "didn't you ever learn basic respect? for all your preaching, even hybrids know that better than you do."

she gapes at you, appalled, but before she can get another word in, you're tightening your grip on toji's arm and turning him away. "fuck off, bitch."

toji's ears twitch at the sounds of her angry sputtering in the distance, but his gaze remains zeroed in on you. your brows are pinched deep, and there's a frustrated scowl sitting on your lips as you drag him over to another section. "here, let's look at some of these clothes."

toji recognizes you are trying to change the subject, but he does not deny how your anger on his behalf feels so intoxicatingly addicting. he cannot help but push further.

"thought i would attack her, did ya?" he grins cheekily, canines glinting, and you huff. suddenly, you look rather embarrassed, peering up at him bitterly.

"i was just trying to get her to shut up. if you attacked anyone we'd be in big trouble."

"didn't realize you had that in you," toji ponders. for some reason, he cannot stop analyzing your microexpressions, finding some sick joy in looking at you. "not bad for a cushy little human."

you roll your eyes—toji's stomach flips in tandem. he can feel his tail lazily moving back and forth.

"wow, a compliment from the big bad wolf," you throw him a scathing smile, but he can tell you're joking. "what an honor."

"pretty sure you're scarier than i am." toji watches you rustle through the clothes on the shelves, a wry smile now comfortably resting on his face. "think you took a few years off her life."

"i hope she trips," you mutter, and toji barks out a laugh, clear and unfiltered. your lips twitch upward at the sound.

"hurry up and pick stuff so we can home," you whine with another huff, shoving at his arm. "i'm starving here."

the word home rolls over toji's body—it's warm and velvety and comfortable in a way that scares him.

he spends the next fifteen minutes rustling through the racks. you amble away to peer at other items while he does so, trying to give him his privacy. toji both appreciates it and resents it—something about you being farther away from him makes his body tense.

after a while he calls you back, shoving a modest pile of clothing into your hands. "here, i'm done."

he's hoping you just nod and take him to the counter, but yet again, he's underestimated you. you look through each item, peering at the price tags critically, before finally sighing.

"are you trying to pick cheap stuff on purpose?" you look at him with a raised brow and he groans—caught.

"i don't wanna put you out."

"ugh toji," you say his name with so much stressed exasperation he has to fight back a grin. "don't worry about that. i barely spend money to begin with. i promise you i can afford decent clothes."

he glances to the side, stubborn. he still does not particularly enjoy the idea of being indebted to you—not that he would ever say that out loud.

"if you don't pick honestly, i'm gonna find that lady and get her to annoy you again."

he blinks, looking at you and your haughtily raised brows and crossed arms.

"oh fuck please don't," toji groans, rolling his eyes. "she was—"

"a bitch?" you finish, shaking your head with a smile. "yeah she was. so please pick things out properly and don't make me go find her."

"fine," he relents, reaching out to pick up the first semi-expensive looking thing he can find. he holds it up to his body and throws you a mocking grin. "happy now?"

and yet when he looks at you, you're giving him the most genuine smile, satisfaction glimmering in your eyes. "yeah, really happy."

his mouth goes dry, and toji spends the remainder of the trip saying yes to everything you pull off the shelves for him.

taglist: @h4wkz @babyblue0t7 @en-happiness @ourfinalisation @lymsfm @jazzy00001 @mahoubitch @deedeeznoots @ghost-buddies @teddybeartoji @onimira @polarbvnny @starmapz @thikcems @nonamebbsblog @echodead @totallygyomeiswife @venussdovess @emi311 @meow-satoru @your-mum3000 @haydensjw @abadbitchblogs @marajafarli @twinky-wink @t4ters @17362939 @shadowlover321 @koko-1025 @daniella666girl @d1cklethep1ckle @an-ever-angry-bi @excedr @hibiscy @emmenic726 @1234ilikecowsthanyoumore @ewwitsbella @thisisew @crystaldreamland @namjooningera @call-memissbrightside @scyia @chugao @szired @keiva1000 @yoongies-bby @giamee @hypnoctiis @nappingmoon @tananaxx @twinklingbeautifulstars @tadabzzzbee @friedchicken-tendou

if your name is here but you didn’t get tagged, it’s either bc your blog is new/blank/empty or you need to check your privacy settings !!

1K notes · View notes

damn-stark · 5 months ago

Note

hiii!! I was wondering if you could write a hwang Jun Ho x reader where it’s angsty but with fluff ofc as well!! the plot is totally up to you :))

Strained Heart

Hwang Jun-ho x wife!reader

A/N- My first Squid Game imagine so I really hope you like it:)

Warning- Angst and fluff! Spoilers for the show!

Pairing- Hwang Jun-ho x wife!reader

Episode- 2x01

——

*12:00 AM*

“Hello?” Your voice comes out groggy, making the person on the other end of the call let out a shaky sigh before they interject.

“I am so sorry to call so late, ma’am, please forgive me,” a sweet feminine voice sounds extremely apologetic and almost as if she had hurt you by just calling so late. “I am calling from the hospital regarding your husband, Hwang Jun-ho.”

The grogginess that was making you all foggy leaves your body in a flash of a second as you hear the name of your husband. She has not mentioned his state but after days of not hearing from him and him not coming home, just hearing someone call you in regards to him is like a spike of adrenaline.

“He was admitted earlier today without any identification, but we were finally able to contact you—”

“Is…my husband alive?” You cut the woman off because you can’t sit in anticipation anymore. You need to know now.

“Yes. He has not woken up, but he was able to get treated. He will be here for the full day if you wish to come and see him. I am sorry again for calling so late. Goodnight.”

“Good night,” you mumble before you pull the phone away from your ear and let it slip from your hold as you drop your head into your hand while also holding your chest and letting out a deep shaky breath.

You had called his phone so many times and messaged him twice as much. When he did not come home the first night, you called his work over and over again in hopes something would change or that they would have received any kind of word from him, but they also had no idea where he had gone. You were all in the dark and the worry had begun eating away at you.

However, there’s finally news from him and you can’t say you’re riddled with relief nor that the strain over your heart lets go, but you no longer feel fear over him being potentially dead. Perhaps you should still feel scared, when you reach the hospital he doesn’t wake up. You wait until morning, but he still fails to rise with the sun. It has his poor mother weeping with worry, but you don’t feel a sliver of fear.

Maybe it’s because you know him better. He’s a fighter, after all, you know that. He wouldn’t give up so easily, especially not when he has yet to hear from his beloved brother. Or maybe fear doesn’t cling to you because your mind is focused on an annoying thought telling you to leave.

You don’t want to live with constant worry, if this is how your life is going to be with him, you don't want any part of it. You can’t live with the constant fear that one morning will be the last time you get to kiss him before he leaves your front door. That strain left you almost invalid this time around, you couldn't focus on anything but him, and all you imagined was violent made-up thoughts of different deaths. Could you really live through that again? Do you want to?

You love Jun-ho, but if that fear and pain is going to be following you around like a looming shadow can you go on at his side and be swallowed by it?

You let out a shaky breath and drift your eyes away from his resting face, catching his lonely hand resting at his side and feeling tempted to grab it to provide him some warmth and comfort while he still lies unconscious as if debating at that moment to give in and take his hand, or leave it be and run with that cruel thought.

Yet before you can decide the heart monitor starts to pick up, not in an alarming way, but enough to pique your curiosity and make you look back at him, noticing at that moment his eyes fluttering open at long last.

“Jun-ho,” you breathe out and slowly rise from your seat at the same time his mother does.

“Jun-ho,” his mother calls out with more tears already rolling down her cheeks. As said man’s eyes open wider she cries out. “Jun-ho, can you hear me?”

A shaky breath runs past your lips and you immediately stroke his cheek with a faint relieved smile spreading on your lips.

“Doctor!” His mother shouts as she runs out before you can offer to call a nurse or doctor inside. “I need a doctor in here! My son just opened his eyes!”

Jun-ho’s dark eyes remain fixated on the ceiling and he breathes out a single name. “In-ho.”

It’s his brother's name. The same estranged brother he’s been searching for, and the same estranged brother he worries about everyday

“Jun-ho,” you call out softly as if to not hurt him, and his eyes slowly shift to you, making his heart monitor skip a beat and a glimmer flash in his eyes as he makes out your face and seems to realize you’re no fever dream. He then utters your name and your smile widens while tears fall from your eyes without warning.

Before either of you can utter anything else besides each other's names his mother returns with a nurse who does a check up on him and preps him to be seen by a doctor. Thus for a while, he belongs to the fleet of nurses that barge in, as well as the doctor that comes in and out until they’re all finally satisfied and know for certain that nothing is wrong with his brain or heart after he was found drowning.

Drowning…he was drowning and you didn’t have a clue. Your worst fear could have come true and you would have never known, you would have lived forever worried and searching desperately if he hadn’t been found.

Can you really go on living like that?

That thought spins in your mind without seeming to know how to stop until finally, Jun-ho steals your attention. “Are you okay?” He asks with his voice still raspy.

You swallow back nervously and then draw in a deep breath. His mother seems to have caught the tension and excuses herself from the room. It’s only when the door is closed that you give his question an honest answer.

“Where were you? I called. I messaged you, and all I got that night you didn’t come home was that I shouldn’t worry, but you were gone for days, Jun-ho. And when I hear from you again, all I get is a call from the hospital saying you were brought in.”

Jun-ho’s eyes linger on you, on your furrowed eyebrows, and your eyes brimming with tears of frustration and he sighs deeply as he averts his eyes.

“I…can’t tell you what I was doing just yet. Wait until we get home so I can tell you what I know. For now,” he says and looks back at you with a slightly pleading look. “Can you trust me when I say I’m sorry for making you worry? I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to, but I didn’t have another choice and my phone was only at half percent battery.”

You scoff in disbelief and slowly rise from your seat to pierce a glare into him. “That’s all I get? After I was riddled with worry not knowing if you’re alive or not?”

“Did you get what I sent you?” He asks and avoids answering, but that only infuriates you more.

“Jun-ho!”

“Please.”

Your frown deepens and you shake your head stiffly. “No.” You deadpan. “The nurse said you didn’t have a phone on you when you were brought in either.”

He groans and drops his gaze, so you press yourself against the edge of the bed and dig your eyes deep into his gaze to press him. “When we got married you said that you would not let me live with that kind of worry. You promised me Jun-ho, and look at us now.”

He slowly finds you again and with the strength he was gaining, he picks his hand off the bed and wraps his fingers around your hand to offer you some consolation. “I…found my brother…that’s what I was doing, and that’s all I can offer you now. I will explain it all when we go home, where I don’t have to worry if my mother or anyone will overhear. Can that be enough for now?”

Your breath catches and curiosity and confusion fill your mind, outweighing your frustration. Jun-ho sees that and continues to pass another apology. “I am sorry. Please forgive me. I…will do better. I promise.”

That cruel thought pulses in your mind, making your doubt clear.

“I…will change departments. I will work as a traffic officer. Just say you forgive me. I found my brother and lost him all in the same day. I…can’t lose you too.”

That cruel thought falters before it's completely destroyed by your bleeding heart. He doesn’t offer another promise, just sweet and affectionate words, but that’s enough to make your heart swoon and make you grab his hand to kiss his knuckles before you press your forehead against his.

“Don’t give up what you like to do for me…nothing will stop me from worrying, just…don’t leave me in the dark.”

Jun-ho grabs your hand and presses it against his beating heart, letting you feel the same ba-dum you hear on the monitor by his bed.

“I will try,” he offers you without making a promise so as to not potentially break another promise.

“I’m so glad and relieved you’re alive and back to me,” you whisper against his forehead, making him lift your hand to his dry lips to press a kiss on the heel of your hand and find peace in the silence.

343 notes · View notes

gothamsfavorite · 9 days ago

Text

You’d been waiting to tell Jason this for the longest, to let him know the way he makes you feel when he gives you that piercing stare. Or when he texts you all times of the day to make sure you’re okay, or to send you pictures of things because they remind him of you.

He made you feel safe, safer than safe. He made you feel like the most important girl in the world.

He values you not for your body, or your face but for your mind. He admires your soul - he doesn’t vocalize it but it's in his eyes.

The way he stares at you as if the whole world resides on your very shoulders.

Jason doesn’t express his feelings, he shows them, he’s always been bad with words.

You on the other hand could tell him, you’d sing him love songs, or write him poems.

Today you’d tell him you loved him - you have been together for a year.

You of course don't know when to say it, because saying I love you after you watch him pour a bowl of cereal isn’t ideal.

Jason’s sneaking in your window per usual after patrol, he made it a habit to do so. You’ve told him over and over he can use the door but are sure he enjoys the adrenaline rush of the “will I wont I fall off this window sill?”

“Hey princess,” He hugs you, and you wince - the stench of gotham lingered on his clothes, a reminder of no matter how big and bad he was out there in gotham - or how grimey, dirty or smelly it got, he would always find a way back to you and give you that look. You love him for that, you love him. Shouldn’t it be easy to tell him that?

“Go shower.”

“As you wish, gorgeous.”

After he comes out of the shower, his hair is still soaking wet. He sits next to you, putting his arm around you. His way of making you feel at home, home. “What’s the mood for tonight, hun? Movie or straight to bed?”

“Straight to bed, work kicked my butt today.” He runs his hand up and down your arm, and kisses your forehead. “Goodnight princess.”

“Goodnight, I love you.” You tell him, and he freezes. He doesn’t say it back or anything, the room is pure silence and you swear you can hear the echo of those three seemingly little words. You turn your back to him, and stay that way for the rest of the night.

You wake up late, but Jason is sleeping even later - you brush your teeth, wash your face, and attempt some form of skincare routine. After this you head to the kitchen, and there’s a vase of flowers - with a note in front of it.

“(Y/N),

I don't want you to ever think I don't love you because I didn’t say it back last night. Ever since I was young, its been hard for me to learn how to love and how to trust - but you make it easy. I love you so much it hurts, and I would do anything for you - I’d give you the stars if you wanted and if that isn’t enough the moon. I love you because you’re smart, the smartest person I’ve ever met. Your mind amazes me, I love you because you’re sweet and you’re great with kids. You’re the only person I’ve seen tolerate all my brothers with a straight face, you’ve cooked with Alfred, and even managed to get my father to approve of you. You’re able to talk to Damian easier than I do and he won’t admit it but he thinks you’re great. I love you because you’re kind, because you’re sweet, and because you make me laugh harder than I’ve ever laughed before. I was scared, that once you said that - it meant I had something to loose.

Love,

Jason

You turn around and Jason is behind you, the tips of his ears are pink like they get when he’s nervous. He pulls you into his arms and leans his chin onto your head. “I love you forever, princess.”

John 14:6 -Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Thank you for reading!

#red hood x you #jason todd x reader #red hood x reader #jason todd x you #jason todd

193 notes · View notes

mysteryshoptls · 29 days ago

Text

SSR Epel Felmier - Room Relaxation Vignette

"Happy Birthday"

[Interior Hallway]

Epel: I came to Ortho-kun's classroom, but I must've just missed him. Oh well, I'll try again after school…

Epel: Hm…? Is that Idia-san over there? Oh, this is good, I can thank him in person, then.

Epel: Idia-san! Here's the DVD I was borrowing. Thank you for letting me watch it!

Idia: Eep! …E-E-E-E-E-Epel-shi!? Wh-Wh-Why'd you pop outta nowhere…?

Idia: I-I don't remember you borrowing anything… Wait, is that the "Tales of the Great Seven Animated" DVD?

Idia: Oh, so you're the friend Ortho said he wanted to lend that to…

Epel: I watched this DVD to prep for the quiz I had, so I don't need to take supplementary classes after school tomorrow.

Epel: Tomorrow's my birthday, and the Spelldrive Club's havin' a barbeque… That's why I really wanted to make sure I got a good score on the quiz.

Idia: B-B-Barbeque!? Like, as in BBQ!? Why would you torture yourself like that on your birthday…!?

Epel: Eh, what's with that reaction!? I'm really looking forward to the barbeque!!

Idia: Wh-What's there to look forward to? It's just a get-together where people grill meat and snap pics all loudly…?

Idia: B-Besides, you're in Pomefiore, right, Epel-shi? Smoke and oil's against your guyses policy, isn't it?

Epel: And that's why I want to eat meat somewhere where Vil-san won't see… Wait, no, I mean―

Epel: I'm just excited to be able to spend a great time with my clubmates… I guess?

Idia: Urgh, the delicate pretty-boy looking chara just spouted something a protag would say! …Yeaaah, I'm gonna log off from this convo now.

[Idia runs away]

Epel: Oh, he left… Looks like I was able to get away with it… I hope?

[Pomefiore Dorm – Hallway]

Epel: Whew, today's practice was pretty hardcore. But I feel like all the stuff I gotta do after I get back to the dorm is even harder…

[Pomefiore upperclassman speaks]

Epel: Oh… H-Hello. Did you need me for something? Eh? You want me to bring my cosmetics for some makeup application practice…?

Epel: Ah, thank you for inviting me. Just… Well… I'll have to pass this time.

Epel: I have something to do tonight… Yes. Yes, that's right. Thank you for the invite.

Epel: …I swear I just heard 'em say "He's probably off to do embroidery or bake some sweets." No way in hell.

Epel: Right, time to head to my room… Hm? What's going on? Everyone's suddenly fixing their hair and clothes.

Epel: ACK!! Vil-san's walking this way! I gotta hurry and smooth out my clothes and stand up straight…

Epel: He's glarin' so hard… Urgh… I can't even relax in my own dorm…!

[Pomefiore Dorm – Epel's Room]

Epel: I'm starting to get hungry after that shower. I ate a proper dinner and everything, though.

Epel: I'll just finish up my homework, first. …Especially so I can get to the "fun" later.

[Pomefiore Dorm – Epel's Room]

Epel: Whew… Guess this should be enough homework for tonight. Maan, I'm tired.

[Roommate A speaks]

Epel: …Hm? What's up? Huh? A survey!?

Epel: Shoot, I'd completely forgotten… Uh, I mean… I was totally thinking I would do it later, yeah.

Epel: What kind of improvements do I want…? I don't think I really have any. Really, I'm not being modest, hahaha…

[Roommate B speaks]

Epel: …Eh, my cardigan looks good on me? Thanks! My Mee… I mean, My grandmother knitted it herself.

Epel: Ehehe. It makes me glad to hear you like it… Huh? It's perfectly cute like me?

[Roommate B speaks]

Epel: Urgh… Ah, no, I'm not in a bad mood, or anything. Anyway, thank you.

Epel: Oookay then, guess I'll head to sleep. …Yeah, that's right, I gotta get my beauty sleep for my skin!

[Roommates speak]

Epel: Hehe, you guys are gonna go to bed too, right? Then, I'll turn off the lights. Goodnight.

Epel: ….Did they all finally fall asleep? Alllright, now it's me-time!

Epel: I've been looking forward like crazy to watching the newest episode of "A Villain's Oath 2" released today!

Epel: Where's the soda and chips I hid under my bed…? Ah, here it is. Alright then, time to start!

Epel: Finally it's time to see those two fated foes battle each other…! I wonder who's gonna win? Ooh, they're both at the ready…!

Epel: Weeeew! This is awesome! I love watching them tough guys clash! So cool!

[crunch, munch]

Epel: Woah. These barbeque flavored chips really hit the spot!!

[chug, slurp]

Epel: Whoooooh! Ain't nothin' like washin' everything down with some snacks and soda!

Epel: Maaan, it's 'cause I got this time at night to myself that I can kinda deal with living in hoity-toity Pomefiore.

Epel: There's people watchin' everywhere, even in the cafeteria, so's I can only be eatin' borin' tasteless things all day.

Epel: Nuts, dried fruits, and leafy greens! Who cares 'bout dem healthy salads, that's just rabbit food!

Epel: Not only'd I gotta watch my words, but I gotta live with a buncha others…

Epel: It'd be great if I had more free time than just at night like this… Oh yeah, I should answer that survey!

「Survey on Quality of Life Improvements for the Student Body」

Epel: There's waaaaaay too many things I wanna see improved, geez. But the number one thing is… "GIVE FIRST YEARS OUR OWN ROOM TOO"!!

Epel: I can't be myself in a 4 person room. It's way too unfair that the juniors get a room all to themselves, there's only a two-year difference between us.

Epel: I mean, I guess I could have a room all to myself if I were to become Housewarden…

Epel: Dun think I'ma git anywhere if'n I hafta go up 'gainst Vil-san. I just gotta keep tryin' ta git better.

Epel: Once I get my own room, I'm going to do what I want, when I want!

Epel: I'll wear leather jackets and weathered jeans, get a rug with a huge dragon on it…

Epel: I'll get Blastcycle magazines and the whole "A Villain's Oath" series on DVD onto my bookshelf! Hehe, I can't wait…!

[Pomefiore Dorm – Epel's Room]

[rustle, rustle]

Epel: …Gah! Hrrrnnngh… Is it morning?

[Roommate C chatters]

Epel: My roommates are all up and stretching again… They're so noisy every morning. I just wanna sleep some more…

Epel: It’s still early, so I'm gonna go back… to sleep… Zzz… Zzz…

[Roommate A speaks]

Epel: Waah!? Wh-What…? Huh? Shouldn't I stretch too?

Epel: It's fine, I don't have morning practice today, so I want to sleep as long as I can… Don't worry… Seriously, it's okay…!

Epel: …Geez, stop it already!

Epel: AH'M STILL WANTIN' TA SNOOZE MORE!

Epel: …AH!!

Epel: That just slipped out 'cause I was still groggy… Uhhm…

Epel: Good morning, everyone. You're all so early today. …Huh? What's wrong? Why are you all looking so tense?

[Roommate A speaks]

Epel: What did I say just now…? Oh, that was just a morning greeting. I was just saying "Good morning"! Ehehe! Ohoho!

[Roommate B speaks]

Epel: I was shouting…? Y-You must've just imagined it! Come on, let's all go to the washroom. I'm sure once we've all washed our faces, everything will be a lot clearer. Okay?

[Pomefiore Dorm – Washroom]

[splash, splash]

Epel: Whew, it feels great to wash your face, doesn't it? How do you all feel? …You feel like what you heard earlier was all in your head?

Epel: Heh, yeah, you must've been still waking up. …Nice. Looks like I got away with it.

Epel: Okay then, I'm heading back to the room… Eh, what about my skincare routine? Ohhh, right. Yeah, I'll do it now.

Epel: First I'll put on some skin lotion, then… Wait. Which am I supposed to put on first, the beauty cream or the milky stuff?

Epel: I don't even know what these are for in the first place… This is too much of a pain to think about, so I'll just mix 'em up and throw 'em on.

[Roommate A speaks]

Epel: Huh? Wait, it's not like that's my secret method for applying makeup or anyth… They're not listening to me at all. Everyone's mixing everything together and applying it.

Epel: I never did any of this skincare stuff back home, so… Eh, I guess I don't need to tell them

Epel: I'll just put on sunscreen and brush my hair… Great, I'm done!

[Roommate B speaks]

Epel: Eh, what? …You want me to tell you what brand lipstick I'm using?

Epel: I'm not using anything. Eh? Y-Yeah. …What do I do to stay moisturized?

Epel: Could it be all the snacks I eat late at night…? Nah, no way. I don't really do anything special, I think?

Epel: Blush? I don't use that either. …Eyelash curler and mascara? Nope, I'm not using that.

[Roommates chatter]

Epel: You're curious to know what sort of secret beautifying trick you could use to look more like me? Uhhhhh, even if you ask me that, I don't… Oh, yeah!

Epel: Sunscreen! I've been making sure to at least apply sunscreen everyday. Maybe that's the secret?

Epel: …What's wrong? Why're you all staring at me like that? Did I say something weird?

Epel: …Eh, are you crying!? What's wrong with you guys!?

[Main Street]

Epel: In the end, I never learned why they were all crying. …Oh hey, Idia-san. Good morning!

Idia: Eep… Epel-shi! You're seriously on rate up the past two days.

Idia: G-G-G-Go on, after you… Don't mind me, just go enjoy your birthday, little protag. Bye, then.

[Idia runs away]

Epel: Th-Thank you! Woah, he took off like a dart… I hope he heard me thanking him.

Epel: Heheh, I kinda liked getting a birthday wish from someone unexpected. I'm definitely gonna have a blast today!

Requested by Anonymous.

#twisted wonderland #twst #epel felmier #idia shroud #twst epel #twst idia #twst translation #mention: ortho #mention: vil

138 notes · View notes

monstersandgenderqueers · 2 months ago

Text

Little Gifts (Part Five)

You find Loki, and you decide that perhaps the best gift would be honesty. But really, he should appreciate your gifts more.

Pairing: Loki x neurodivergent!reader

Word count: 2950

A/N: The fluff returns. Maybe. It's somewhere in the middle, really. There's a bit of an awkward jump between the two segments in this part, but the last portion wasn't enough to post on its own, I feel. I'm also now over 12.6 k deep into this. I may have to get myself a little treat or something.

Divider credit @/saradika

Previous | Masterlist | Next

You sit in your usual seat at the far end of the dining table, the horse plushie held tightly to your chest with one hand as you pick at your food with the other. It's just Nat and Steve eating tonight, and their whispers seem far too loud for your ears right now.

You've come to expect his presence at the table, even though you definitely hated it in the beginning. You've even started to become comfortable eating with someone directly across from you. For a while, it was nice to listen to someone talk and actually know what they were saying instead of just nodding and pretending.

You sigh, wondering where Thor is. Is he really still looking for Loki?

You hope not. You hope Thor already found him hours ago, shortly after you holed yourself up in your room. You hope the reason Thor is not here eating three full plates is because he's with Loki right now, trying to convince him to come and eat dinner. You hope Loki agrees, and sits across from you, and taps your foot with his to get your attention. You hope that when you finish the part of the meal you enjoyed the most, you'll look down and see more of it on your plate, and an almost shy smile on Loki's Face.

Devastatingly, nothing you hope for comes true.

You force yourself to keep eating, knowing that Nat has been keeping an eye on you today. Worse, by the way Steve glances your way, he's probably aware of what happened. Or, at least, what Nat thinks happened. After finishing your meal, you whisper goodnight to the two, not knowing whether they heard you or not. Since you don't want to repeat it, you simply stand and clean up after yourself.

On your way back to your room, you notice that Loki's door is ajar.

Is he back?

Shuffling toward it, you knock on the door lightly. When there's no response, you whisper-shout, "Hello? Loki?"

You hear nothing, just your own breathing. Holding the horse plushie up higher on your chest, you decide to walk in and do a little investigating.

The first thing you notice is how empty it is. With the exception of the bed, topped with boring white bedding, and the equally uninspiring white cube nightstand, there's nothing.

You know what would liven this place up? A fern! You think, feeling a bit snarky.

Your frustration is short-lived, however, and you feel a wave of fatigue. It seems as though you're way past your emotional limit, and already the ache behind your eyes and the sting in your nostrils is making a reappearance.

Not wanting to cry in Loki's room, you turn around, only to find yourself inches from Thor's chest. You back up, your cheeks warming from getting caught.

"S-sorry, I just saw the door open…"

He waves it off, obviously not bothered by your snooping. Not that there's much to snoop around, anyway.

"Did you have any luck in the training room?" He asks, his stiff stance telling you that maybe he hasn't made any progress finding his brother.

"No… Nat took me to my room, remember?"

He frowns and puts his hands on his hips. "Lady Natasha? Did she say anything?"

"Huh? No, I mean, she escorted me to my room because she thought I was having a, uhm, a meltdown, but I wasn't. And no, I didn't tell her. Did you find anything?" Your hands get clammy as you continue, "I know you couldn't say anything in front of her when we passed by, but…"

He scrunches his brows and opens his mouth a bit, confused. "I don't recall that happening."

Oh.

Ohhhhhh.

You both seem to come to the conclusion at the same time.

A few minutes later, Thor is busy charming the security guards in the surveillance room, taking advantage of the fact that they seem to be big fans.

"Forgive me, but I believe my brother is masquerading as me. As a prank, you know." He laughs a bit, playing it off as a silly joke rather than the more serious truth. "May we see the recordings from earlier this afternoon?"

It seems to work, and you make a mental note to yourself to bring up that these agents are really bad at their jobs the next time you speak with Tony or Nick. You might even tell them that having people watch screens that an AI designed by Tony is already keeping track of is a bit of a waste, really.

But since their lack of awareness works in your favor, you let it slide and stand next to Thor as they pull up the recordings from around the time you and Nat walked down the residential hallway together.

You watch as 'Thor' rounds the corner and speaks with the past you, with great concern on his face. For the next thirty minutes, you trace Loki's steps as he wanders the compound under the guise of Thor. The odd thing is, he doesn't seem to be doing anything particularly strange. It appears as though what Thor had speculated is right—Loki was just looking for a place to be completely alone, and using Thor's identity to search the compound with little interruption.

"Uhm, can we go back to when Loki passed me and Nat in the hall?" The screen resets, back to where the three of you are standing in the hallway. "Can we go back further? See where he came from?" The footage plays backwards, keeping 'Thor' centered on the screen as he comes from down the hall near your room. Further back it plays, until it shows him leaving your bedroom.

A horrid mix of feelings boils in you, and as much as you'd like to sit down and dissect each one, you dash out of the security room and bolt all the way back to your quarters. You slow down a few yards in front of your door, keeping your steps light as you quietly unlock the door.

You don't know what you're thinking, your thoughts colliding head on at full speed and essentially cancelling each other out.

There's no way he'd be in here. I mean, I saw him leave as Thor. Still, I need to know what else he did in my room. Did he leave a note? Was he trying to talk to me, but I wasn't there? Why didn't he come to me sooner?

What did I do?

He's not there, of course, and neither are any stray papers or strange items that he could have left behind. Still holding on to the horse in a choking grip, you pace the length of your quarters, feeling absolutely foolish.

"What a jerk. Sending me and his brother on a… on a wild goose chase!" Your voice raises in volume as you rant to yourself, and the words keep coming out like there's a leak. "Like Thor and I have all the time in the world to just play hide and seek, like we have nothing better to do!" You feel it boiling hotter in your veins. "Ah! What an attention-seeking asshole! Making me scared and worried and he's just out there lollygagging about, probably enjoying the fact that I've been crying over him!"

You're furious. It's a feeling that hardly ever fills you up. You're used to the constant nagging and gnawing of disappointment or annoyance, but hardly anything makes you this mad.

You have half a mind to just tear up the stupid horse in your hands, but you think better of it, remembering the last time you let yourself give in to anger and destroy things that didn't deserve your rage. Instead, you toss it at your book stacks, the plushie bouncing off in a very unsatisfying way.

I hate this. I hate him. I want to go back to before he moved in and everything sucked in a completely different way but at least I knew how to navigate everything that sucked!

Crossing your arms tight over your chest to hold yourself together, you keep pacing and turning, needing to work off all the energy that's fighting to free itself in an explosion.

You grab the plushie that normally rests on your bed. It's heavy and solid, so you hug it tight and then tighter, filling in that hole in your chest that the anger burned through as it coursed through your body in a tidal wave.

The little black horse plushie moves on the floor just barely at the corner of your vision, drawing your pacing to a halt. Rather, it is moved by Loki, who sits with his back against the wall amongst your towering stacks of books. He holds it on his lap almost tenderly, petting its back.

"You know, that sort of language is very unbecoming. I didn't think you had it in you, little one." He smiles, and it's neither soft nor a smirk. It just is, and you're struggling to place it.

Nervous. He's nervous.

"But it's true."

He laughs, "I agree. It wasn't very kind of me to do that to you."

"Or to Thor."

He snorts, "I can and will do worse to Thor, little one." His eyes meet yours and you know he can just see the questions tumbling around in your head. "As you've likely guessed, I needed a moment alone. Thor's been pestering me endlessly, and as you're aware, there aren't any places in this trash heap that one can be truly alone in."

You sigh and sit cross-legged on the floor in front of Loki while still hugging the other plushie, mirroring his position. He smiles again and this time it seems warm and it makes you feel warmer.

Desperate to know what he's thinking, and even more desperate to know what he's feeling, you wonder if you have to be the first to share something like that. He might be more willing to share if you give something, first.

You look down at your lap, finding it difficult to hold his gaze, "I used to hide a lot. Whenever I was scared, or confused, or made a mistake. I'd hide in the smallest place that I could possibly fit in."

You know you're being a bit of a hypocrite. You complain all the time about how people imply things without stopping to check whether you understood or not, and then get upset when you don't.

But some things are too hard to say outright. You look up, not sure what to expect. He just looks at you, his head back against the wall and his eyes just a little watery.

"Why did you stop hiding?"

"I don't know. I think I just got too big to hide." You rub the plushie on your lap, crunching the beads inside. "Why did you want to be alone?"

It takes him a minute to speak, like he's unsure if he should say anything or not. His voice is soft and velvety as he answers, "Like you, I have… difficulty with my feelings. Not in the same way as you do, but I…" he fidgets with his hands, rubbing his cuticles. "I'm well aware of what I feel, but I loathe having to feel at all. The… emotions that have been running amuck in my heart feel like they aren't mine to keep." He laughs dryly, "I'd sooner destroy the world than succumb to what I feel right now."

You scoot closer until your knees touch his. "What kinds of feelings?" Your heart flutters with nerves as you wait.

"Things I haven't felt in a very long time, darling." He twists the plushie in his hands, talking to it rather than you. "Fondness. Worry. Endearment. I… I don't remember how to deal with these things any longer. They're more foreign to me than the ever-evolving Midgardian 'smart' phones."

You stare at him blankly. There's no way he's talking about me… right?

As if sensing your self doubt and wanting to redirect your thoughts, he tilts his head and smirks, "It was amusing to see you and that buffoon run around. I believe I saw Thor berate a chair before he sat down. A bit paranoid, if you ask me. Turning into a piece of furniture is beneath me."

This makes you giggle, the sound surprising you as it bubbles out of your throat. Loki smiles again, and you have no choice but to look away, because it almost makes you dizzy.

He sets the plushie aside and stands, adjusting his clothing before reaching down to help you up. You feel warm and tingly when his hand engulfs yours and tugs, bringing you to your feet effortlessly. He takes in your expression, his own ears tinged pink.

When he lets go, you almost cry out, but you hold it in and tuck your hand against your chest.

He opens the door and asks before he leaves, "Do you think there's any chance there's still a portion of dinner left, or do you think Thor's already gotten to it?" You follow him out, wanting to see for yourself, floating on your feet with a lightness you haven't felt in forever.

A few days later, Tony sits you down in one of the labs. He holds a device to your ear, lasers mapping out the contours of your ear canal.

You cringe when he turns it on, "Why are we doing this?"

He tuts, "You'll see. Now hold still, or we'll have to start over again."

You huff and cross your arms, "But it tickles."

"It's just lasers," he sighs, "you shouldn't be able to feel it."

"Well, I do, so hurry up," you whine, definitely not in the mood to feel something tickling your inner ears.

"What's the big rush? You don't have an assignment."

"I'm not in a rush. This is just icky."

"You certainly are fidgety." He's right. You're kicking your feet a little like dogs do when you hold them above water. He moves on to the other ear, poking your shoulder when you keep moving away.

"Ugh. Just get it over with." You squeeze your eyes shut, hoping that'll distract you from the sensation.

Soon, Tony's gathered all the data he needs and within seconds the 3D printer whirs to life, creating something that looks like a pair of hearing aids. You look at them, confused, "Uhm… I don't really need those, so…"

"They're not for your hearing."

"Uhm.. then what are they for?"

He plucks the finished devices and hands them to you. "Just put them in."

You sigh, fitting them over your ears. "Are they earbuds, or something? Why aren't they, like, smaller?" you ask, referring to the tiny little ones that are often used on missions.

"Your comfort." He does something on his tablet.

A little voice chimes in your ears. "Conversation Extractor is online."

Conversation Extractor? "Uhhhh what is this?"

"Something for your audio processing issues."

"Amplifying sound won't help…"

"It doesn't amplify sound, unless you want it to. It uses the direction you're facing to pick up voices coming from that direction, then muffles the rest. At least, it should."

You start shaking a bit. You need to try this out now.

"It's a busy day today, so there's plenty of people in the lounge. See if you have an easier time following a conversation even with other people talking all around you."

You're excited, and you have to keep thinking walk, walk, walk to keep yourself from sprinting all the way there.

Even so, you make it there faster than you thought, the doors sliding open to reveal nearly two dozen people inside, Avengers and agents conversing and making so much noise you'd probably cry if you hadn't gotten so good at keeping them in. Hopefully, you won't feel the need to cry this time.

Since everyone seems like they're really engaged with… well, whatever it is that they're talking about, you sit in a corner, facing the center of the room, and decide to wait for a good opening to join in. You look around and see Loki sitting in an armchair with his arms crossed, and Bucky leaning on the opposite chair. They're definitely too far away to hear, but you find it hard to look away from Loki's clear annoyance and amusingly complete lack of interest.

"...never felt that?" Bucky's voice fills your ears and you almost squawk in surprise. It's working! A little too well, but…

"No. I have no clue what you're rambling about," Loki says, staring at his nails.

"Seriously? You've never once felt the urge to just squeeze something really tight because of how adorable it is? Like puppies?" Bucky sounds offended. You snort a little, wondering how on Earth the conversation they were having led to this.

Both of them must be awfully bored, and equally awful at small talk.

Loki looks at you, then, making eye contact, as if he heard you across the room and through half a dozen animated conversations. You freeze, trying to act casual.

Count to two and then look away. Then look back after two. Look away, look back….

You take out the devices. That's enough eavesdropping for today…

It takes half a dozen heartbeats for him to respond. "No," he repeats, his voice less tense now. He's still looking at you. "I have not ever once in my life wished to 'squeeze' a living creature for that reason." He looks away when Bucky notices that he's staring at you. You look away, too, hoping that the heat that prickles your cheeks isn't as visible as you know it probably is.

Tag list:

@princess-ofthe-pages @blaze-the-idiot @anxiousskylar @athyend @cosmicstxrdust @the-ultimate-librarian @ceeisatlumon @webpage-loading @xxashes-rebornxx @mischeveousscamp @lilredpanda-1999 @booksooks

Let me know if you want to be removed/added 💚

#loki x gender neutral reader #loki x gn!reader #loki x reader #loki fanfic #loki x female reader #loki x male reader #loki #loki x you #ff: gifts

154 notes · View notes

dazedantics · 6 months ago

Text

A yellow glow creeped along the shadowed floor. The lanterns they emenated from sat in the ever busy hall. A door was slid shut. Clothes then rustled softly in the corner.

Your back still turned to the entrance, you opened an eye. Half-asleep, you still replied, "Welcome back."

More shifting.

Then, a dip in the mattress behind you.

"Y'know, you don't have ta keep waitin' up for me."

You hummed softly, smile subconsciously working itself on your lips. Maybe it was the familiar rasp of voice, the heap of warmth comforting your back, or the muscular pull of arms drawing you closer, but you couldn't keep the giddy joy from blooming in your chest.

"I know, but I like the extra time with you."

A gentle nuzzle into the nape of your neck.

"You see me everyday ... Surprised you're not tired of me yet."

A giggle held back by fingers to your lips. "I could never."

And it was true. Even after days and days of repeated minute long check ins, you never grew tired of seeing him, hearing him, or anything of the sort. All it did was make you more excited for those almost routinely moments. Though you weren't sure if there was ever a way you could convince him you meant that.

"Did everything go well today?"

"Mhmm. The girls caused more trouble than usual but it was handled."

"Hika and Hina? I can take care of them for you tomorrow."

"It's alright, Konro's on it."

"Damn, beat me to it again."

"I asked him to."

As you shifted around, he used a strong arm to lift the blanket till you were face to face. His tired eyes were half-lidded, brows relaxed from their frown, and thick lips set in their usual pout. His pulse was low and steady, a natural lullaby to sooth you to sleep. The X and O of his pupils tracked you slowly. Nature's way of allowing him to say "hugs and kisses" without needing to open his mouth, you liked to joke, the deep pink of his irises used as further evidence as they were "the color of love" (he was not amused).

"Why not ask me? I'm sure he'd like a break too."

"Cause we're going out tomorrow." He placed a large hand on your hip, thumb caressing the soft flesh. "And I'm waking you up early so get some sleep."

"Not if I wake up first."

"Heh, sure."

"I'm really looking forward to it. But, you know I can help you out with things like this."

He pressed a kiss to the crown of your head. "Thanks, but I don't want them to cause you trouble. I know they developed more of my ... less admirable qualities."

Smiling, you draped an arm over his back. Fingers traced the outline of well-defined muscles and down the length of his spine. Maybe it was cause of his training or cause he was simply used to it, but he didn't shiver or flinch under your ministrations.

"Well if I can handle you, I think I can handle two kids."

His lips finally curled into that rare smile. "I'm sure you could."

A deep yawn escaped him and you subconsciously followed suit.

"Get some sleep. You stayed up late waiting for me so I'm sure you're tired."

You tucked your head against his firm chest. His warm scent enveloped your senses like a cozy hearth, another factor that would ease your into a quick slumber. He rested his chin atop you, large arms hugging you closer.

"Since you work so hard everyday, I'll let you rest. But we're talking about this tomorrow."

"After tomorrow."

"Why not tomorrow?"

"Like I said, I'm taking you out. No worrying about anything but where you wanna go next and if you're happy."

Closing your eyes, a smile lifted your lips.

"Alright, fine. After tomorrow. But don't think a day out is gonna make me forget you keep going to Konro for help."

He nipped at your ear. "I'm sure I can find other things to distract you with. Now go to sleep."

You laughed and nuzzled closer. "Goodnight Captain Shinmon, you stubborn lug."

"Not the Captain right now. Just Benimaru."

You kissed his jaw, "Goodnight, Benimaru. See you in the morning."

#fire force #enen no shouboutai #benimaru shinmon #fire force benimaru #benimaru x reader #x reader

395 notes · View notes

lcriedlastnight · 1 year ago

Note

Accidentally saying I love you with Lando

tysm for your request anon, i appreciate it so much! p.s lando deserved that win today. max verstappen i am inside your walls.

tw: fem!reader, short and sweet, swears, lmk if there's anything you want me to add.

w/c: 1k

you and were a newer thing. you weren't new new, but new enough that you have not said those three little words to each other yet. you knew you loved lando since the third date, when even though he didn't like seafood, literally couldn't even stand being near the stuff, he took you to a sushi restaurant because you had never tried sushi and you wanted to give it a go. turns out you didn't like it either.

there had been a few times where you had almost let the words slip out your mouth but you had managed to bite your tongue at the last second. you would tell him when you were ready and when the time felt right.

lando was currently in spain for the spanish grand prix and this one was difficult. it was only the first race out of the three in the triple header and yet here you were, laying in yours and lando's shared bed, on facetime to him, close to tears. just seeing his face made you miss him more.

"come on honey, don't cry. don't do this to me. i don't want to watch you cry." lando frowns from his own hotel bed, the sheets too white compared to his usual ones. the bed too empty without you. you were usually really good with the distance but this was your first triple header with lando. there were double headers but even with those you made it to the last race so it was even less time. this time around you can't even go to one.

you sniffle as you try to stop your tears. you wipe your eyes with the sleeves of lando's jumper. "i know. i'm sorry. it's not your fault. i just miss you a lot tonight, lan." you express.

you can see lando nodding along with your words as you speak, you know it's not easy on him either. you sigh.

"okay. sorry. we can talk about something else now." you try your best to shake off the sadness. you can always cry when lando hangs up the phone.

"don't apologise, my sweet girl. i know it's hard, i'll try speak to you as much as i can. and i know i'll be busy but i'm back in monaco for the next three tuesdays." lando tried to find a positive in all of this. it was difficult.

you nod, with a hum taking his word into account. "not gonna let go of you for the full night on the tuesdays." you insist with such determination it makes lando's heart melt.

"is that a threat or a promise?" he asks, cheekily. that stupid smirk on his face as he tries his best to make you laugh. it works, not because it's funny but because his smirk always made you laugh.

"promise." you say through giggles. lando laughs along with you until he checks the time on the top of his phone. he sighs as it reads two am.

"m' gonna have to go now, honey. it's gettin' a little late." lando frowns like the words actually hurt him physically to say. you frown too but you understand so you don't put up any fight.

"g'night lan. speak to you tomorrow. i'm not working so call whenever you can i'll keep my day free for you." you bid him goodnight and send him a kiss through the phone screen. lando smiles at your cute gesture.

"night, honey. i'll call you whenever i can. i love you." it is quick but you catch it. lando blows you a kiss then ends the call. you didn't get a chance to say anything back. you don't think he even realises he said it. well he will now he's laying thinking about it. you think to yourself as you settle down on lando's side of the bed and fall asleep.

it's not until he returns home that it's spoken about. you are happy he loves you too and you are even happier that you didn't say it first. you were scared that if you said it first and lando didn't feel the same then he would break up with you. you let your mind carry you away sometimes.

you wait on the couch in your living room for lando to come in. you hear his key in the lock and the rolling of the wheels on his suitcase through the doorway. it makes you giddy but instead of leaping off the couch you stay where you are. lando notices you there and makes his way to you. he doesn't give you time to think before he is wrapping you up in a hug.

your head resting in the crook of his neck as he picks you up in the hug. you laugh at his strength. when your giggles die down thats when you hear him. he's mutter a quiet stream of "i love you"'s into your ear. this is when the tears spring to your eyes again. you pull his head out of your neck to really look at him.

"i love you too. you didn't let me say it back last time." you try to slip the joke in but lando doesn't laugh. no, he just springs forward, lips locking with yours in the sweetest kiss you've had yet from the brit. he pulls away put sends a quick few pecks to your lips, because he can never get enough of you.

you both spend the rest of the day repeating those words to each other like you have just found out what they mean. lando literally feels the need to shout them to everyone he see's in the airport as you wave him goodbye the next again.

while lando is on the flight with no internet he spends his free time typing the words 'i love you' out individually, over and over again then sending it to you just before he lands so that when he does actually land and you get the message. you will be reminded that you are all he thinks about even when you aren't with him.

501 notes · View notes

burntsaltsblog · 1 year ago

Text

cruelty - billy butcher x reader

༺༻∞ ✧༺༻∞ ✧༺༻∞ ✧༺༻

details: butcher is being a real ass, so you decide to run away for a bit <3

༺༻∞ ✧༺༻∞ ✧༺༻∞ ✧༺༻

"Well, if ya' tried putting effort into any of these missions, then the rest of us wouldn't have to carry you around like dead weight."

Butcher's words hung in the air before piercing me. I met his gaze, waiting to see if he'd display even a tiny ounce of regret, but his face remained stoic, and his eyes bore into mine unapologetically.

No one said anything, and a tense silence encompassed the group. Everyone was waiting to see if I had a rebuttal to defend myself against Butcher's harsh accusation.

But I had nothing to say. For weeks, Butcher had been unusually nasty towards me, a complete switch from our old dynamic. Instead of his praise that I'd grown used to, he'd hurl nothing but criticism and bitter insults my way. And what made it worse was that he was charming to everyone else. Well, as charming as Butcher was capable of being.

The whole situation was disheartening and confusing because he and I used to be quite close. Yes, we had a significant age gap between us. But those years didn't hinder our ability to connect over our love of bizarre humor and sarcasm.

The rest of the boys assumed that we had had some misunderstanding or disagreement, but nothing of the sort had transpired. I had tried approaching Butcher to coax the reasoning for his cruelty out of him, but he brushed me off, refusing to give me the time of day.

But today was the last straw. I refused to linger any longer in an environment where I wasn't wanted or appreciated. Wordlessly and full of resolve, I turned on my heel and headed for the comfort of my room.

"Kid, wait," MM called, trying to fix the situation, but it was useless. I slammed my bedroom door behind me and slowly sank to the floor.

I didn't bother stopping my tears as they shamefully slid down my face. Through my blurred vision, I pulled out my phone and composed a text to an old friend.

Me:

Hey, do you still need help this weekend?

I used to be a drug dealer and ran in various questionable circles to support myself before I joined The Boys. But I still had friends from my former life that I kept in touch with, and every once in a while, I'd dip my toe back into the drug scene when they needed help with an extra burdensome deal. And right now, I was desperate for any excuse to get out of here.

Alex:

Have you changed your mind about joining?

Me:

Yeah, I have. It's an out-of-town one, right?

Alex:

Yup. We'll be gone for at least three days, so pack a bag. And you can crash here tonight because we have to head out early in the morning.

Grateful for the impromptu getaway, I packed my small duffle bag with my spare pair of black jeans, sweaters since it was getting cold outside, and other essentials like face wash and my phone charger.

Considering it was just past midnight, I didn't have to wait long before I heard the guys mumble goodnight to each other from the other side of my door before they all retreated to their respective rooms.

I waited five minutes to be safe before opening my door and peering out. The common room in our bunker under the pawn shop was empty, and I took it as an opportunity to sneak out. I tiptoed up the old wooden stairs and breathed a sigh of relief after bolting through the old store and out the door, letting the chilly New York air blow across my face.

The walk to Alex's apartment was short because I was already close to that side of town. And I arrived soon enough with my duffle bag in tow.

"You look like shit," Alex said, opening their apartment door and quickly letting me in.

"Well, hello to you too."

Alex snorted as they pulled me in for a hug before directing me towards the couch I would be sleeping on that night.

"Don't let the bed bugs bite!" They called, heading into their room to rest for the night.

I dumped my bag on the floor and fell onto the couch. It squeaked loudly in protest, and I felt several springs dig into my spine. But I wasn't complaining. Anything was better than sharing a wall with Butcher, knowing the hate he now carried for me. Besides, he snored terribly loud, which the entire group complained about daily.

After some extensive tossing and turning, I fell into a fitful sleep.

༺༻

"Rise and shine, motherfucker!" Alex yelled.

I jerked awake before immediately falling onto the floor. The decades-old carpet did little to cushion the blow, and I groaned loudly as my head throbbed in protest.

I peered up at Alex from my place on the floor and saw them holding two coffee cups. "Want some?"

"Yes, please." I rose gingery before sitting back on the sofa and accepting one of the steaming mugs. I took a small sip and nodded thanks to my friend.

"We need to get on the road in twenty minutes because our first client expects us to arrive at eight tonight. And I don’t want to be late so we can make a good first impression."

"I think the eighteen pounds of coke you're selling them should help win their approval," I said, taking an enormous gulp of the caffeinated beverage.

"Speaking of coke, I need you to help load it into the car. Come on."

༺༻

"You gonna answer that?" Alex asked from the driver's seat on our way to Bardstown, Kentucky.

"No. It's probably just spam."

Alex glanced from the road ahead to give me a knowing look. "I don't think any spam caller would ever waste their time calling the same person two hundred times."

"It's not my fault they're dedicated to their job," I mumbled.

My friend chuckled, shaking their head.

I rolled my eyes and finally peered at my phone after ignoring its constant ringing for six hours. Hughie had texted me a wapping eighty-seven times and called me fifty-one times, which wasn't surprising because he did tend to be a phone stalker. I scrolled through his messages, landing on the most recent one sent three minutes ago.

Hughie:

Look, I get that you're pissed at Butcher, and that's probably why you left. But please let us know that you're safe. We're freaking out over here.

I sighed heavily before I forced my fingers to type out a response.

Me:

I'm fine. I'm out of town helping a friend. Sorry to worry you. I'll be back on Monday.

I pondered over the words before deciding to go ahead and send it. It was a little colder and more direct than how I usually communicated, especially to Hughie. But I knew he'd understand.

Hughie's reply came within seconds. But before I could read it, the notification of an incoming call covered my screen. A lump formed in my throat when I saw Butcher's name flashing in front of my eyes. My thumb hovered over the 'accept' button before I shook my head and hurriedly declined the call. I am sure he only called to yell at me for disappearing, and I wasn't in the mood to be reprimanded by him.

"I can drive the rest of the way," I offered, returning my focus to Alex.

"No thanks, I'm good," They responded like I knew they would. Alex was very particular about driving and refused to get into an operating motor vehicle unless they were the one behind the wheel. I respected that, but it still felt like the right thing to do was offer so it didn't look like I was putting the burden of transportation on them.

My phone vibrated, notifying me that I'd received another text, and I reluctantly viewed the message.

Butcher:

I know you ignored my call.

Ok? And the sky is also blue. I'm so glad he's able to notice the obvious. At least there's nothing wrong with him in that department.

Just as I decided to ignore his text, his name lit up on my phone again, signaling another incoming call. I slumped in my seat, and groaned under my breath. Again, my finger pushed the red icon, sending him straight to voicemail. Not even a second later, Butcher began to call for the third time.

"You know," said Alex, "If you answered the phone, they might stop calling."

"I'd answer if it was anyone else. I refuse to talk to this particular person."

"Alright, have it your way," they muttered, changing lanes.

We fell quiet, and the only sound was my phone as it buzzed with a final text.

Butcher:

Please come back.

༺༻

"I'd say that was pretty successful," I declared as we pulled into our Kentucky motel the next day. We had just finished our final deal, and while it was a little tedious, Alex's client ended up being happy overall with their purchase and promised they'd do business again.

"Yeah, thank God," Alex replied, cutting the engine after pulling into a parking spot. "I'm just grateful you were there. I think your presence was a great influence. You're still a legend in the drug community," they smirked.

I laughed lightly. "I'm happy to help anytime."

"Watch out because I will hold you to that promise."

We piled out of the car, and I waited out front while Alex headed in to get the key to our room. It was just past one in the morning, and I glanced over my shoulder, staying on high alert.

Alex exited the front entrance and dangled a key triumphantly. After entering our room, we each fell onto a twin-sized bed, and I watched as Alex almost instantly fell asleep.

I curled up on the wrinkled comforter for a few minutes before sitting up and rummaging through my bag for my phone; it had died a couple of hours ago, and now was my first opportunity to charge it.

I had received a text from Hughie asking if I was ok, to which I replied that I was, and I hadn't heard from Butcher since I'd blocked him last night when he proceeded to call me every thirty seconds, disrupting my sleep.

With nothing else to do, I slipped my jeans off, stashed my handheld in the bedside drawer, rolled under the covers, and attempted to sleep.

༺༻

"That was fun. We should do it again sometime," Alex said as they pulled up to the pawn shop.

I nodded my head. "Yeah, it felt like old times."

We hugged before I got out of the car and looked up at the one building I wanted to avoid more than anything. Three days wasn't long enough, and I genuinely considered asking Alex if they wanted a roommate. But their jeep was already speeding down the road, so I had no choice but to enter the pawn shop and descend the familiar steps.

"You're back!" yelped Hughie as he rushed forward and wrapped his arms around me. I stumbled back before gaining my balance and returning the hug. "Yeah," I replied lamely.

I nodded to Frenchie and MM before they both turned to Hughie. "You ready?" MM asked, and Hughie replied that he was.

"D'accord, let's go," Frenchie said, and the three of them passed me as they headed upstairs and out of the pawn shop, leaving me alone with Butcher, who stood by the couch.

"Y'alright?"

I ignored his question and headed for the solitude of my room.

"Oi, I'm fuckin' talking to you." Butcher barked, and I heard his boots stomp in my direction. He wrapped a large hand around my arm, spinning me around. "Don't ever fuckin' do that again, ya' hear? You 'bout did me fuckin' head in, running off like that."

Butcher's face was inches from mine, and his warm breath fanned out across my cheeks and neck, causing goosebumps to flare. "I guess you forgot that I can take care of myself," I muttered bitterly as I wrenched my arm from his grasp and pushed the door open to my bedroom. Much to my dismay, Butcher followed me in.

"What's with the fuckin' attitude?" he demanded, crossing his arms. "You're acting like a right twat."

I whirled around as I threw my bag onto the floor, my nostrils flaring. "Oh, so you're allowed to have an attitude, but I'm not?" I glared daggers at him. "Get out."

"No. We're gonna talk," Butcher pressed, standing his ground.

"I don't want to talk to you."

"Well, too fuckin' bad, sweetheart. I ain’t leaving until you tell me what kind of stick is up your bum, and why the bloody hell you fucked off for three days without telling anyone."

"It's a free country, and I'm allowed to go where I please," I shot back. "Besides, I figured I'd give you all a break from carrying my dead weight around. I hear it can be quite tiring."

Butcher's mouth opened before he closed it, taking a beat before speaking, "S’that’s what this is about, eh? The fact that I called you dead weight the other night? No offense, love. But if a comment like that was enough to drive ya' out of town, you've gotten too sensitive."

"It wasn't just that one comment, William. It's the fact that you've been terrible to me for weeks now, and the shittiest part of it all is that I have no idea what I've done to deserve it!" I exclaimed, panting slightly as my shoulders rose and fell. Butcher raised a brow, and I scoffed, flopping on the bed. "Forget it. Now, would you mind kindly fucking off and leaving me alone?"

I turned away, and Bucther sighed quietly. A couple of seconds passed before the bed dipped behind me.

"M'sorry, alright?" he said quietly.

"Whatever, I don't even care anymore," I muttered, picking at the skin on the side of my nail.

"Yes, ya’ do."

My stomach flipped as Butcher carefully reached up and brushed the hair off my shoulder. "I didn't realize I was hurting ya' so much. I thought I was doing what was best."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, turning back to face him. A calloused finger traced my cheek before his hand fell limply in his lap. Even though Butcher never slept more than a couple of hours a night, this was the first time I'd seen him look truly tired.

"I needed to push you away, and I figured a bit of tough love would do the trick." Butcher's hazel eyes met mine. "I realize I may've gone a bit too far."

"But why would you want to push me away? I thought we worked well together." My voice grew softer. "I thought you liked me."

"Oh, love, my feelings for you go way beyond like."

My thoughts became jumbled as I tried to comprehend what Butcher was saying, and I struggled to form a response, but it all ceased when he cupped my face in his hand. I instinctually leaned into his touch, and my eyes drooped, feeling serenity from the simple contact.

"M'sorry. M'so fucking sorry," Butcher apologized again. But this time, I saw emotion in his eyes. "You're the most precious thing in my life, and the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt ya'."

His lips gently grazed my forehead, placing a soft kiss there before continuing. “I'm no good for ya', doll. God only knows I'd fuck up an angel like you. In me own messed up head, pushing you away was the only way I could protect ya'."

"That's not true," I whispered, shaking my head, but Butcher didn't look convinced. "And even if it were true, I wouldn't care because I'm no saint either."

It was quiet between us, and our breaths were the only thing filling the small space. My gaze roamed Butcher's face before it fell on his lips, and I swallowed audibly.

"I want you, Billy."

Butcher looked torn. There was a deep crease between his brows, and his breathing grew quick as the seconds ticked by.

"I'll ruin you." His voice was rough, full of gravel.

"I'm already ruined."

Butcher's resolve began to fray before it split wide open, and his lips crashed into mine.

༺༻∞ ✧༺༻∞ ✧༺༻∞ ✧༺༻

not my best work, but i hope you enjoyed it!

-xoxo

#billy butcher #billy butcher brainrot go brr #the boys billy butcher #billy butcher the boys #billy butcher x you #billy butcher x reader #karl urban #karl urban try not to serve challenge #the boys tv #the boys amazon #the boys fanfic #billy butcher imagine #billy butcher fic

909 notes · View notes