#I don't even like it

[bidisasterevankinard]

Tommy gets from his shift late at night, basically in the morning. The day was long and night even longer. All he wants now is to fall in his bed and sleep for days.

Opening the door, he's met with silence and a bunch of envelopes near it. He is ready to leave it for tomorrow, but his inner perfectionist doesn't let him leave the mess. He gets it up.

He quickly looks through all of them, noting that all of it's just ads or bills, except the last one. Beautiful baby blue envelope with the handwriting he still remembers as if he saw it yesterday and not a year ago.

Evan.

It's Evan's letter.

Tommy doesn't know why man writers him that way. Using paper and envelope and real mail and not any of their friends. Man knows Tommy has weekly get togethers with Eddie and Chim. Or not on the next barbeque, where they will meet again, like all the time over the last years. Tommy hopes he has to solve his health problem and finally get his weight back. It's sad how Evan was just a ghost of his old self when Tommy saw him over Christmas.

Actually, Tommy doesn't know why man writes him that way. What did he want to tell Tommy that they didn't tell when 118 closed them in the closet in Han's house and didn't let them leave till they got closure? Till they got the understanding why they could never work.

Why does Evan need to write to him?

Tommy weighs the idea about leaving the letter till he wakes up, but his heart is not beating easily without knowing what Evan needed to get on paper and send him.

He opens the envelope. Inside he finds the paper and the photo.

It makes him tear up. The photo is their selfie after they buried Billy. On the outside he can see another handwriting: my happiness.

Tommy swallows, taking a letter in his hands, he sees dried dots if someone was crying when writing.

Dear Tommy,

Hi! How are you? I'm sorry that I'm doing it that way, but I couldn't make myself text or call or come to see you. Because I was afraid. Afraid you would love me just because I'm in pain. Only because I'm in pain. And I had enough of it in my childhood. But I also was afraid you won't be around. It was easier to leave you out. Just as a memory. A good memory. Best memory.

Anyway, if you're reading this, then I'm already dead. Leukemia. Was diagnosed not long before Christmas. It's actually ironic that I'm dying from the same thing that killed my brother and nothing can help.

Ironic and painful. I'm not gonna lie. It's really painful. And not even the treatment or that it doesn't help. No. Painful is that I still have so many things I could live for, try and find, but I don't have time.

But at least I had time to love you. Like I never did with anyone. You're my greatest love, Tommy Kinard. The way you made me feel is unbelievable. Indescribable.

I'm so lucky that I loved and was loved by you. The photo I'm giving you is the moment I had the first “oh! I'm falling for him”, but actually I was falling since you flew us into a hurricane. Thank you for kissing me and giving us those incredible 6 months. I've never been happier. Only with you.

You kissed me and showed me the real me. You showed me I can be loved. And that I can love people.

I know you had reasons to leave. And please know if not for my diagnosis I'd try to call you on New Year's eve, offering you to come and give us another chance. Give you that decision to make.

I hope you forgave me for taking this decision from you. But I can't make you see me dying. See me in pain. See me losing myself. I can't. It could break you, baby. So hard. It's better you find out like that. Maddie or Chim would call you about funerals. Please come. Because I need you to let me go like we did for Billy. I won't be at peace without your goodbye.

But I'm saying it first. Goodbye my love and please remember that I loved you till my very last breath. You were so loved, baby. Please let people love you in the future.

With love,

Your Evan

Tommy falls on his knees, holding the letter close to his heart. He can't see anything. Everything's so blurry. He just cries and cries, screaming in the night.

The sun is rising. The new day is coming. The day he's going to live, knowing that Evan would never call him again.

[spookedwerewolf]

god help me I have been watching a bunch of cryptocurrency/financial scam videos lately and now I've been saying "your keys, your bitcoin. Not your keys, not your bitcoin" as a verbal stim because of that cryptoland video. Can I find something else to watch and think about!!!!

[resident-sean-expert]

I took a lot of artistic freedom with this one

in the sense that it doesn't even look like Sean lol

[wispforever]

hey this is going to be a weird post, but I’m looking for a movie I watched years ago, some time after 2018 and before 2021, I’m almost certain. Gonna describe it under the read more.

warning for addiction themes, death, suicide and suicidal ideation, and divorce

so I don’t remember a lot of things about this film, but there are a few scenes that have stuck in my memory, so I’ll put them here. Generally, this movie was about a dad with an adult (or at least and older son), who was getting a divorce for a reason I can’t remember. He really wanted to reconnect with his wife and kid, but wasn’t able to for whatever reason. I don’t remember anything about him being abusive, but I do remember him drinking and just making generally questionable decisions about his relationships.

one scene I remember: Father gets super drunk at some point after the divorce happens, and forgets he no longer has permission to go home (where his wife and son now live alone or with a boyfriend). He doesn’t mean to scare them, but of course he does, because it’s late at night and he isn’t supposed to be there. They tell him he has to go and he’s confused as to why because he’s wasted. Can’t remember if he leaves or not, or they’re forced to deal with him another way like let him stay on the couch or something. There may or may not have been another man in the house by this point (wife’s new husband/boyfriend). I also remember the house being pretty spacious, maybe fancy even but maybe not.

second scene I remember: this may be closer to the end of the movie. Father has still failed to reconnect with his wife and son. He somehow runs into a friend of his son who his son either went to high school with or just knew through school somehow. This kid is deeply suicidal and is dealing with addiction. The kid and the main dad end up doing drugs together on the kid’s parents’ boat (??), and also the kid shows him comics he’s drawn or has of Laika, the space dog, dying in space. They have a somewhat philosophical conversation about the metaphorical implication of Laika’s death. Seems to be foreshadowing, because the kid dies the following day. The main dad wakes up, sees the kid is gone from the boat, assumes he just left. Finds out later that the kid wandered off into the woods and either overdosed purposely or was under the influence and died of exposure or accidental overdose. Some time later the father’s family finds out that he did drugs with the kid the night before he died and they’re SUPER pissed (understandably)

third and last scene I remember: following the death of the kid he went to high school with/knew through school, the main father’s son goes on an angry drive. He has also apparently been battling alcoholism like his dad, and pulls over before walking into the woods(?) and having a relapse. He drinks a whole bottle of some kind of brown liquor

I’ve tried everything to find the name of this movie and haven’t had any luck. Might have been a Netflix or Hulu original and now doesn’t exist anymore, but it might be something totally different. If anyone knows anything, I would really appreciate a comment, tag, or ask. Thanks friends

[themuseoftheviolets]

i'm gonna have to reread the dreamer trilogy aren't i. that's the only thing i can do now

[12neonlit-stage]

you're allowed to discuss and work together, reblog for a higher sample size or something

You have 1 week, good luck!

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[beaft]

it is legit bizarre to me how hard video game creators and film directors and showrunners try to pretend that fat people don't exist. can you think of the last time you saw a fat person in a lead role? god forbid a fat woman? i can walk down the street or go into a shop or restaurant and see fat people everywhere but then i switch on the tv and suddenly it's like a glimpse into an alternate universe where no one has a bmi over 24. insidious and weird

[captainjonnitkessler]

Sometimes I wish we would start calling out the performative radicalism on this site for the poser bullshit it is. "Remember, it's always morally correct to kill a cop!" "Don't forget to firebomb your local government office!" "Wow, it sure would be a shame if these instructions on how to make a molotov cocktail got spread around!"

Okay. But you're not killing cops or firebombing government offices. You are posting on a dying microblogging website to a carefully-curated echo chamber that has radicalized itself into thinking that taking the absolute most extreme position on any subject is praxis but that anyone discussing the most practical way to effect actual change is your sworn enemy. You do not have the street cred OR the activist cred to be talking about killing cops, babe.

[ace-and-ranty]

I gotta say, one of the greatest achievements of my 20s was that I learned (mostly) to differentiate between:

"I truly do not want to go" and

"I'm just feeling the Demand Avoidance, and I will like it once I get there."

[wildbasil]

things haven't been great but i think they will be. eventually 🌻🌼🩷

[mroddmod]

they are like puppies. 2 me

[i-dont-watch-movies-or-tv]

I feel like the age of having a "burner email" is gone. Out of curiosity,

[mrtequilasunset]

Listen man, you guys can't be like "you guys need to be normal about asexuality" and then turn around and get weirdly judgemental when you find out someone doesn't have sex by choice. Like that's weird that some of you do that.

[wanderingibon]

anya deserved so much better

[hinamie]

morning glory