#I don't consider myself a good or bad person if I'm being honest

[scientia-rex]

Sometimes people tell me I'm a good person. I'm not a good person by nature, or by default. I'm a good person because I've decided that it's important to me to act like one, on a daily basis, forever.

My actual nature is that I want power. I want power and I want my life to be easy and I want other people to be forced to be nice to me even if they hate me. I want other people to have to suck up to me, I want to watch people who I know hate me suffer through the indignity of having to suck up to me. I want to hurt people who hurt me. I want all of these things in the same exact deeply recognizable way that a gorilla or a chimpanzee does. I watch those documentaries and I recognize myself, intimately. The fact that I can behave like a good person in spite of that has taken me a long time and a lot of effort to achieve.

What you feel isn't as important for your "goodness" as what you do. And you get good at what you practice. So practice your skills at being polite, pleasant, kind. Practice gently interrupting negative behaviors--whether that's someone's negative behaviors directed towards themselves, or directed towards someone else. The idea that we have to be inherently without sin is such Christian garbage. It's psychological gibberish. We want things! We want everything! That is normal and human and the key is not acting on every bad feeling you have.

I have taken my insatiable desire for power and to manipulate people and I have used it for good. I have learned how to manipulate people into coming to the doctor and taking their blood pressure medication and being honest about their recreational substance use. I have taken my psychology education and I have used it to craft a persona that makes people feel at ease. I go home at the end of the day exhausted, because maintaining a persona for ten hours straight is exhausting, but I do it happy, because I manipulated the people I work with into feeling better and having brighter days. I manipulated my patients into feeling good about their achievements and recognizing where we need to do things differently.

The hard part is that when the mask slips, people find it not just off-putting but deeply upsetting. When I explain things like "I have thought very carefully about how I would conduct a career in domestic terrorism because I would genuinely like to bomb the headquarters of most American insurance companies, but I don't see a way to do it without getting caught and either killed or spending the rest of my life in prison, and at the moment I consider that an unacceptable outcome," people go from "ha ha! my wacky colleague" to "Jesus Christ, I didn't realize there was something actually wrong with you."

Anyway, don't make your kids read the extended works on Machiavelli at twelve, my dad thought he was helping me but all he accomplished was making me sad I'll never be a king.

[faeryarchives]

savanaclaw with a furina - like female reader!

the "regina of all waters, kindreds, peoples and laws" is deeply loved by all. under her flamboyant and imprudent facade, lies a girl holding an unbearable weight and guilt on her shoulders to save her people. note: as requested and i love furina sm hihi i will also write for other dorms warning: major spoilers for genshin archon quest other fics: heartslabyul with a furina-like reader & i'm not jealous !! & to my beloved & more than words

-‘๑’- leona kingscholar

"huh? what is the esteemed dorm leader of savanaclaw doing in front of my house?" "... why do you look like you didn't sleep for days? nevermind, take back your pets - they've been following me the whole day and poking me with water." "oh my archons, they like you!"

leona knew different kinds of people, faes and beastmen but never a god! not that you broadcasted it to the world - of course he heard it while grim was chatting away from the garden

so this lion observed your moves and to be honest, you were just like an ordinary person

"what are you doing hiding behind me?" "ahem! you know, i don't really know the forest that much so i would appreciate if i would put myself behind yo- ahhh! what is that?!" "it's just a branch, herbivore. i never knew you are scared of branches."

he actually gained another chess player buddy - he discovered it at the cost of being drenched in water from your water familiars

never he would imagine how on earth did you not go crazy standing in for your archon and acting for so so long? and despite belittling you and your friend group, he couldn't believe his ears when you stood up for him against the other dorms

"what leona did was wrong but how would you feel if all the trainings and efforts were all in naught and overlooked by the people you considered as family? imagine if your fate has already been sealed before you were even born?"

oh, he didn't expect you of all people to do that honestly + not so bad at all so expect a lot of sweets everyday curtesy of this lion

don't tell anyone but with you acting just as yourself and discovering your passions with him as a witness - leona feels proud like a lion watching his cub succeed

extra: you and cheka really go along well to the point that leona thinks cheka might replace him with you someday

-‘๑’- ruggie bucchi

ruggie trusts his skills in sneaking around and swiping things if needed and he will bet that no one could ever discover him immediately

"after pulling a prank on grim and my salon members, you must think that i am much of a gullible fool?"

now you both did really met at a rough start - the hyena thought you would be more snobbish and not to mingle with people below his level especially after hearing you being a god

but seeing you shielding him during leona's overblot and regularly visiting him during his recovery at the clinic made him questioned his thoughts about you

"why are you always visiting me? i thought you hated me?" "...? where did you get that nonsense? if i do hate you, i would go out of my way to buy these doughnuts for you."

well look at you two now! close like two peas in a pod - you really enjoyed spending time with ruggie because you were seeing the world in a different perspective

having hard time picking your new macaroni menu for the day? no worries, ruggie will make sure you will be able to cook other meals than this. not good with bargaining with sam? hold his groceries, he have this in the bag.

"more interesting trinkets for me~!" "oh you collect trinkets? why didn't you say so?"

omg new trinket collector buddy 🥺 whenever you give him something such as a bracelet or even a hairclip he will wear it like a badge of honor

it's alright to help other students but he is worried that being to kind in nrc might backfire on you

"you shouldn't be too trusting here. i know you just want to help but like your friends said - you should also help yourself at times."

while he might not look like it but ruggie can sense your mood change accurately especially when it involves the topic of your past

this one whole year on nrc might not be comparable to your 500 years of living but ruggie will make sure that it will be the best one

-‘๑’- jack howl

other than the adeuce and grim team - jack is the person you actually vibe with!

maybe its because his sense of justice and responsibility reminds you of a dear friend back home and it actually comforts you to see it + makes you feel less homesick

this man is very used to his little siblings so expect him to come off as a brotherly vibes + probably makes you an exemption to touching his ears and letting your salon members put some design in his hair

"... do you think these three would be great teammates during magift competitions?"

"hmmm, i must say they do make a great team. what if we bring it up to leona, i think these three will enjoy it very much."

well the dorm leader liked the idea but seeing how they acted during the practice - it's safe to say it is very risky because they only listen to you, jack and leona

ANYWAYS jack sometimes come to the ramshackle dorm just to wake you up knowing you probably stayed up late reading your novels

he tried inviting you to his morning run only to see you the next day already tired and carrying you on his back after one run

"you can't blame me okay! i was born to drama and directing not in running!"

speaking of carrying you on his back he sometimes do it just because he wants to especially when jack knows too well how much you overwork yourself

while he can read you very well, you can also read this guy by the book through his ears and tail movement

"... jack what are you doing here so late?" "…what? it’s not like i was waiting for you or anything." "i never said that though?" "hmp." while he look away, his tail would impatiently wag and hit the wall behind him making you laugh "uhuh, whatever you say. let's go back to our dorms now big guy."

it turns out that while spending the whole afternoon up to evening, jack wanted to accompany you back to the dorm safely - worried that someone is bullying you because you were down for days.

he is not that expressive with words - but just know that jack will always be your friend despite your upbringings or not being open to tell your past, he understands it pretty well

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

I was given oral herpes by someone who didn't feel the need to disclose that they got cold sores before we had a one-time little dalliance.

I might've gone for it anyways. I'm self destructive. But I guess the lack of being able to choose whether to take the risk, it's left me feeling pretty bitter about the experience.

And I'm left feeling like a biohazard. I haven't really been able to explain to my friends yet why I'm suddenly extremely cagey about sharing my drinks and food. And all my favorite sexual activities are off the table forever. I know, dental dams, condoms, but half the fun of oral sex and making out is, you know, the taste, the heat, the absolute control. I was good at it.

It feels especially embarrassing since I'm ace and the whole reason I hooked up with the person was kind of... I don't know, fear that if I didn't, then we wouldn't be able to hang out anymore.

I'm not sure what I'm asking. Maybe, was it wrong for them not to disclose something like that? Considering how common it is? I feel obligated to disclose myself but maybe I'm just weird for that.

Thanks for doing what you do here.

Kind regards,

Asexual for Ethical Reasons Now I Guess

hi anon,

I don't often apologize for needing time to get to anons, because I really need people to have reasonable expectations about the amount of time I'm willing to commit to my inbox, but I am sorry for not getting to this one sooner. it's a topic that's very important to me, and I can tell you're dealing with a lot of hurt.

first off: I'm very sorry someone wasn't totally honest with you. that's never a good feeling, and especially in the context of sex it's a huge betrayal of trust. it's deeply unfair to you, and I hope you're able to recover from that.

having said that: you are not a biohazard. you're a person with an incredibly common virus. the World Health Organization estimates that somewhere around 80% of people worldwide have herpes (and that's a rough estimate, since they use different age ranges for HSV-1 and HSV-2). skip to the factual part of this tiktok at 00:10 seconds. herpes has been with us since before we were human; there's nothing disgusting or even unusual about having herpes.

herpes is different from most STIs in that it is lifelong, but that doesn't make you an unfuckable pariah. it makes you someone who may sometimes have open sores, and should give partners a heads up about your virus to avoid putting anyone in the same situation you're in. while you're at it, let them know that most people with herpes live asymptomatic and uncomplicated lives. many people never even know they have it!

I understand that spending the rest of your life with a viral buddy doesn't sound super fun right now, but I promise that as viruses go you can do WAY worse.

personally I've always felt the best way to get comfortable with something is to learn more about it. why not let clinical sexologist Dr. Doe talk to you about her own herpes, and how to be conscientious about minimizing the risk of sharing herpes with others?

or listen to writer Ella Dawson talk about learning to cope with the exact stigma you're currently struggling with?

or listen to Dr. Sydnee Smirl McElroy explain why herpes bears such a heavy stigma for such a mild virus in the first place?

you're not a biohazard, and neither is anyone else with an STI. that's a terrible way to think about yourself and others.

you're under no obligation to stop being sexually active if you don't want to be.

please don't feel that you have to have sex with anyone out of a sense of obligation anymore, but also please don't feel that herpes is a punishment. sickness isn't something that happens to people because they're bad or deserve, sickness happens to people because people get sick.

take care 💜

[with-my-murder-flute]

Cristabel and the proverbial sandwich

(Spoilers for Harrow and Nona the Ninth)

I have not known inner peace since I saw someone say, "But come on, does anyone ACTUALLY buy John's story about how the nun died?"

Because honestly, I'd just kind of gone, "Super random, very weird interaction, boy there sure are cult mindworms at play here," and moved on to the next page.

But as soon as I saw that question asked, the amount I did not buy that story hit me like a load of bricks, to the point I'm kind of amazed that I ever did believe it.

Two people. A locked door. A nuclear standoff. A close-range head injury.

On one side, a full-fledged Catholic nun—well done, that’s the classic—who's best friends with a staunchly atheist world-class scientist and believes, if we're to believe John, that Jesus's problem is that he didn't stick to office hours.

On the other, a woman described as, "A total delight. Effervescent. Kind to animals and children. A master of the sword. Did not have the intellect you’d ordinarily find in a sandwich or an orange, and was a sickening twerp into the bargain."

Oh, and in the middle, there's also a necromancer who wants to bring back his friends... minus any little details about things he they might have done wrong. He "knows where memory lives in the brain", and they "won't have any of it." And "guys as careful as me don't make mistakes," but then again, all that means is that if he kills someone, he did it on purpose.

C— talks her way into a locked room with John, who's on the phone threatening some world leaders with a nuke, expresses care and concern for him, and then... decides he needs more data on the soul? And kills herself to provide that for him?

I'll be honest, I just don't believe that John was an ordinary guy, totally normal, could be any of us, and he just got put in a really stressful situation and made some bad choices but who HASN'T done things they aren't proud of??? I reject that point of view completely. Like, Elon Musk in any given interaction probably is really stressed out and unhappy and having trouble responding in a way that's at all well-considered or emotionally mature, but that doesn't mean that Musk isn't also, at baseline, a deeply stupid, petty, immature, grandiose, entitled, egocentric person. No matter what situation you put him in, he's going to keep on being those things.

I think that John's initial idea was to put the entire human population of Earth, minus some necessary staff, into some giant cryonic freezers, and give the Earth some amount of time to rest and recover from the effects of human-caused pollution. A plan about which I will confess some hesitation myself; being told "just lie down in this coffin, bro, you'll only be a little dead, I'll totally bring you back to life* in a couple centuries (*98% effective!) " does not fill me with an enthusiasm to hop on board.

And then his project got cut. And he decided, "Well, if they won't agree, I can just make them agree." After all, all that end game needs is 10 billion frozen corpses hanging out in those tin cans, and a small team of staff left to keep the place running. How it gets there is something he can afford to be flexible about. If people won't climb in on their own, he can put them there.

So when C— or the nun tell him to stop focusing on revenge, to bend all his energies to saving the world, I think he thinks: Well, I am. He's gonna wash the earth clean at the end of this! He just needs to be able to set the dominoes in motion. He just needs to engineer a situation that will justify taking his nuke out of the vault and making the pieces fall.

A situation that would be sabotaged, ruined, if anyone made a true deep sincere good-faith effort to talk him out of Plan Nuke and called the legitimacy of this crisis into any sort of question. He needs to prevent that from happening.

Actually. Also. He needs one more thing than that.

He needs an excuse to use the nuke, but also, he's finishing his homework at the very last minute. He still hasn't mastered the soul. He does need a few more test subjects.

Maybe he let her in and thought: Two birds with one stone, eh?

[daydream-the-demon]

I've been thinking... The Theraprism doesn't seem to have good therapy methods, at least not for Bill.

From what's shown, Bill Cipher refuses to change for any reason, and honestly? You can't exactly blame him. If he does change, he'll be reborn as a being with no power or ability to think properly, he'll lose all his memories of his past (which yes the trauma will be cured, but everything else? All the good times he had? And that he lived for so long? You can't just lose that). He might have the same character, but he'll be completely different.

The thought of him losing himself is a strong one. Him redeeming himself will end up in him completely losing himself. He could redeem himself but still want to be himself and not be reborn.

As someone who suffered through trauma myself, I'd rather have gone through it and keep all my thoughts, power, and memories rather than ever be something that has never gone through it. It's honestly a difficult choice to make to either be reborn with no memories of your past self and not have the same power you used to have, and keep being the same person you are but with severe trauma. To be honest, from this perspective I'd rather just never exist anymore than be reborn.

And from what was seen of the Theraprism? I think their therapy methods might be a bit flawed for Bill Cipher. I think group therapy is not the most suitable for Bill Cipher, along with other things they do. I think it's genuinely not helping him. I haven't read too much into it, but from what I've seen, their methods, specifically for helping Bill Cipher, are flawed.

I realized what actually is wrong just now-

Bill Cipher is a stubborn character, and basing this off of myself, the more you argue with him, the more he's going to think that he's right.

Euclydia, he didn't mean to destroy his dimension. But he ended up doing it. Weirdmageddon, he was a king of a dying dimension, he didn't want to do what he did and kill an entire dimension again, so he ended up starting Weirdmageddon as there was no other way. In his perspective, he was doing only what was right, he WANTED to be a good person of a sort, though eventually he ended up being one of the worst people out there.

Also, I noticed, having an overly-happy front or expression can be a coping mechanism. Ignoring obvious signs, and laughing them off, is also a coping mechanism. Acting "insane" because that's how people perceive you so you act the way others think you are? ALSO A COPING MECHANISM. A lot of what Bill does are coping mechanisms, how do I know? I HAVE THEM MYSELF.

I also propose something, Bill Cipher has a lot of autistic-coded elements to him!

I am an autistic person myself, for context, and it may be just projecting, but seriously.

A long time ago I used to be obsessed with Bill Cipher. I was clueless about the fact I may be autistic (which explained a lot of things when I figured it out). I related to this character a lot, why? My phrases were "We're both outcasted from society", "We're both considered weird", and "We're both insane". And knowing what I know now, displaying yourself to be even MORE weird and MORE "insane" than you are is a form of autistic masking. (I'm not saying Bill Cipher is autistic, but from what I see is that he is very coded so.)

In the Book of Bill, in the morals section, he said to "think of something considered 'evil', now think of 3 reasons why they're actually good, you'll be rationalizing like me in no time!" (Paraphrasing but basically this.) My thought is that he just genuinely does not see why some things are considered 'evil'. There are genuinely good sides to most atrocious things. Murder? Ah, population control, people are disgusting anyway, destroying someone who wronged you (if you want to murder someone who is your enemy). Obviously, I don't think murder is "good", but Bill Cipher thinks like this. He genuinely does not understand why something "evil" is "evil" which of course not understanding the reasons for "bad" and "good" and why they exist can make you seem like you have a fucked up morality (which I myself struggle with too).

He has not been able to grow up in a society, and the ability to understand why morals are necessary, which can really fuck you up in a way.

He was trying to be good, good for his own needs and wants, and that was his morality. He wanted to help his own dying dimension and be a good person for his own dimension he was king of. A good king does whatever he can for his people, and that's what Bill tried to do. He wasn't trying to be a bad person, hell, if he was, he would've just ditched his dimension and not try to help at all. So in this context, he was just trying to be A GOOD PERSON.

Yes, he manipulated Ford, yes he killed many people on purpose, yes he caused nightmares for no reason. That is wrong, but again, Bill doesn't see why morality is necessary. He manipulated Ford to help his OWN DYING DIMENSION. He killed people because HE SAW PEOPLE AS DISGUSTING. He caused nightmares because HE WANTED TO SCREW WITH PEOPLE WHO WRONGED HIM. Bill Cipher is NARCISSISTIC, but in his narcissism he is selfless. He wanted to save his OWN dying dimension, but he wanted to save the dimension in itself too. There are so many points of this it's honestly insane.

So many people misunderstood him and his intentions though, and so everything that happened was seen as him trying to be a bad person.

He needs different shiz. He needs a different type of therapy to get better. His character is not suited for him to be reincarnated as something else. He is never going to get better like this. Never? Try impossible. He isn't going to "'break' and finally try and become a better person for his own sake", he's going to "'break' and give up on everything".

[italianhomosexuality]

rant to me (i like the sound, i like your voice) on ao3

“Nico! You're finally here!”

The ever too-chipper voice took Nico out of his thoughts. He had plans that consisted of brooding and staring, but it seems like Will Solace didn't think that behavior is appropriate for a party.

If whatever it is that's happening can even be considered a party; the Apollo cabin and some other campers decided to get together near the lake, with some soda cans, Doritos bags, and sour gummy worms. There's some music playing and chatter going around, but Nico's foam earplugs do a great job at keeping the volume low enough so that it's not overwhelming. He plays with his fingers, practicing the alphabet in sign language. Tatiana, a daughter of Nemesis, was hard of hearing. Nico became close to her since both of them would usually sit in the shadows, a few feet away from the crowds. It was easy to be around her, and he was making an effort to learn sign.

Will's voice was a little muffled by the earplugs, but taking them out would be much worse. Nico just gestured towards him, pointing in a general direction that is a little further from the noise and confusion. Will understood, because of course he did. They walked a few steps in silence, and Nico didn't bother correcting Will that he'd been here for a few good minutes now, he just didn't want to interrupt Will's conversation with Connor.

He wasn't wearing his usual orange shirt; the blue fabric suits his eyes and looks nice under the moonlight. Nico knew he's clad in cargo shorts and flip-flops without even having to look down—that's what he wears all the time, even when Nico thinks about him before going to sleep, when he thinks of the two of them under the soft orange of a sunset, sharing McDonald's fries, maybe making jokes, hands just one or two millimeters away from each other, itching to touch, aching to be intertwined…

He couldn't afford to think about that right now.

As they reached a tree, Nico offered Will a sweet smile. They were far from the crowd, watching from a distance so that they could hold a conversation even with the earplugs. It's the little things Will does; the accommodations, the giving, the gifting, the understanding, the treating him as an equal that makes Nico have some thoughts that he'd rather keep to himself.

(“Nico, I've noticed you wince and flinch when it gets too loud. What do you think of trying some earplugs? They might help. I wear them sometimes.”)

(“Nico, can you come body double me? I need to clean the infirmary and I can't do it if I'm just there by myself.”)

(“Nico, I have bad days too.”)

(“Nico, would you mind hanging around for just a little longer? I had to treat a head injury today. I don't think I'll ever get over it.”)

“Have you been having fun?” Nico asked, feeling the deep rumble of his voice in his chest. He only now noticed how Will's eyelids and cheekbones seemed to sparkle and glimmer under the moonlight. Lou Ellen must have been experimenting with makeup again.

“Yes! It's been good.” Will raised his voice just enough so Nico could still hear him through the earplugs. It's the little things, Nico's brain supplied.

“How was your day?”

After a lot of practicing with other campers, Nico realized that he enjoyed asking questions. They were an easy way of navigating a conversation and he had a premade list of questions to use in any social setting. For the most part, he asked and listened, keeping only a few bits of information, glancing at the other person's forehead and nose bridge occasionally to mimic eye contact. With Will, however, he didn't have to overthink. He'd ask, but because he actually wanted to know. He'd look at the ground while paying the most attention he's ever paid. He'd fidget and fiddle with his necklace, humming and nodding, while storing every single bit of Will's stories, stitching guides, camp rules, and so much more.

“It wasn't that great, if I'm being honest,” Will said, picking at his fingernails, “but I've been managing. It was just… hard. At the infirmary. Being by myself.”

“You could have asked me for help,” Nico said, swinging back and forth on his ankles. “I didn't do much today. I could have at least been around. Make you feel less lonely.”

Ever since Will started opening up about his mental health and struggles with himself, Nico found it easier to do so, too. Some campers thought of the Head Counselor of the Apollo cabin as this perfect, do-no-wrong, ever-happy, feel-good Care Bear. Will played the part really well, having fooled Nico at the start, but then he understood. He saw the insecurities, the blood—Will's own—pooling and drying around his fingernails, the teeth marks on the bottom lip, the nervous ticks that would come out after an especially long day. Sometimes, though their wounds were far from equal, Nico felt as if he was looking into a mirror. Maybe not a mirror, but a murky reflection on a lake. A resemblance, something similar enough to his own, but with different shapes and jagged edges.

So, as Will listed his fears and how he wished so, so badly he could be someone else, Nico felt comfortable enough, for the first time in his life, to revisit his self-hatred and coax it out for a walk. Will took it and acknowledged it, but didn't yell at it or scare it away. It was almost as if he said, “Hey, I have that, too,” and Nico finally understood the many meanings of the word gratitude.

Nico never thought he'd be able to help someone feel less lonely. He'd also never thought he'd withstand a party—a get-together—just to catch a glimpse of blonde, defined curls and butterfly-blue eyes.

It's the little things.

“I know what you will say, but…” Will caught himself, stopping mid-sentence. “I didn't want to be a bother. A hypocrite, I know, but this happens sometimes. I'll try to not let it happen again.”

“Good.” Nico smiled, feeling the warmth from inside.

It was warm enough that he'd ditched the aviator jacket, but he still kept the jeans. The breeze coming from the lake was a nice touch to the night. He looked down, finding a spot dry enough for both of them to sit, and reached out to tug at Will's hand.

He couldn't pinpoint when he had gotten so… used to physical contact. When he had started to initiate it, even. But then again, he couldn't pinpoint when Will had become Will.

Will took the hint and sat down right beside Nico, scooting closer to him so that the skin on his calf touched the black denim. It was a common position to them. Comfortable. Nico's back didn't hurt as much and he didn't feel pressured to maintain eye contact. Will got to relax his posture and relax his legs from standing all day.

“Do you want to talk about what happened today?” Nico initiated, fingers tapping on his knee. “About what made you not have such a great day.”

No one had ever ranted to Nico. They were always afraid he wouldn't care or that they would be putting too much on him, as if he were a thin, fragile table, built to break at any point. Will didn't.

So Will said, “Yeah, I think that will help,” and started.

Nico listened.

He made sure to store every tidbit of information in his Will Solace-shaped mental drawer. He would remember, in the future, that the infirmary had a shortage of darker-colored band-aids, and he would point it out next time he and Will went supply shopping. He would remember, in the future, that Kayla had offered Will coffee with hazelnut creamer and he drank it all so as to not dismiss her, but he actually hated that flavor.

(Nico already knew that. If he wasn't having his coffee black, french vanilla was the go-to.)

He would remember how Will's fingers flexed as he told Nico how he had to patch up this new camper, almost as if he was going through the motions again. He would remember how Cecil's comment about his off-tune singing while washing his hands post-procedure made Will's heart sting, though he was used to the mockery, but it just hadn't been a good day. He would remember that Will hadn't slept well that day because the sheets had been recently washed and someone had used fabric softener on them, causing the texture to be plastic-like and that it made Will's skin itch. He would remember, and he would fight against every part of his brain that forced him to forget.

Once Will deemed his rant finished, Nico finally looked at him. He looked… pretty. The golden hue that came from the sun was perfect for Will's features, but the silver complimented him. It was the missing part. It hit his skin and bounced right back, catching on the glitter on his eyelids, cheekbones, and cupid's bow, making the chapstick on his lips shine a little more, exposing the chipped pink nail polish on his fingernails.

Nico didn't think boys were supposed to be considered pretty, but most common rules made no sense to him, anyway. Will was pretty. Accepting that fact had been complicated enough. He would not put up a fight against his thoughts.

“I like hearing you talk,” Nico confessed, straightforward as always. “The sound of your voice is very calming, like a stream of water. Constant.”

“That was a very sweet compliment, Nico,” Will replied, smiling wide. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome.”

In the background, the party was still happening. Nico could hear laughter, cans being opened, fire crackling, stomping, soft tones and chords. But Will was next to him, seemingly not wanting to go back to the crowd, so he just settled into his makeshift seat a little more.

Maybe, in the future, Nico could ask Will if he liked him back. For now, he'd rather keep making a list of the little things. Little by little, he could have Will. He just needed some time to build up courage. Maybe, in the future, Will would slip out his ideal love confession or first date.

Nico would remember.

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

not to be dramatic but what if did just like leave this blog as an archive and then just not post anymore? tbh it was always my dream to get to 1k followers and now that i'm here, i feel like i have like a handful of nice people i've met, but i don't really feel like this blog helps me meet new friends, have good chats, or feel a real sense of joy most of the time. like, i feel zero sense of community. i think i've felt happy about being on here twice - when i posted daddy all along and when i posted never penelope, always calypso. daddy all along was super duper personal and wasn't going to be posted initially and then to have such a good response from people made me so happy, and i felt like never penelope, always calypso had like a cult following (and it is my favorite thing i've ever written/one of my favorites). as it turns out, the number of followers and the number of notes don't count. i find myself jealous of other people who have good, long-lasting, consistent friendships. i feel like everything fades or never exists at all. i notice people who create fun challenges and collaborate with others, post multi-chapter fics that people get excited about, have anons who send them fun thoughts about our faves and i just feel more left out than i ever have. and even though i'm snarky towards hater anons, it does affect me (i'm fragile).

i also notice that i complain a lot, which is kind of characteristic of me to be honest (a therapist once compared me to holden caulfield, so take that how you will).

there are a handful of people who are really great, so i don't want to sound ungrateful. those people are wonderful and it does brighten my day whenever i talk to them. (you guys probably know who you are - if you'd consider me a friend, i probably feel the same towards you).

even if it's not the primary motivation for writing, i hate thinking about if a fic will get notes when i'm writing it. and i hate feeling bad about things i thought were good when no one seems to enjoy them.

i've thought about how i'd celebrate this milestone for a long time, and i considered doing some sort of fic writing event or fic recommending event, but what's the point if no one cares?

i suppose the point is: liztober will go on (while there's a part of me that just wants to cancel it, the fics are already written and in my queue and i also promised something and i don't like to break promises) but after that, i make no promises.

[polarcoconut]

How I've maintained good grades my whole life: The perfect school mindsetmindset

Tips to succeeding in school

I've always had good grades. Even if I fail a test. Even if I fail an exam, I've always had a good grade in the class. And that's from deep subconscious work.

Personal history: I've always been considered smart and good at school. I never heard differently. My teacher said once "If Haylie doesn't understand, no one understands." I've also always genuinely loved school. I liked being good. My teacher once said "I wish I had a classroom full of Haylie's." All this from a very young age helped me succeed for a long time. Until I had a serious mental health issue and basically lost myself. I had to find out what used to make me succeed at school. Cuz I'm telling y'all right now it wasn't effort. My main focus in class was my friends and crushes lmao. But I had a mindset from a young age that helped me. And I re-learned that mindset and now school feels the same for me. An easy asset that flows into life naturally.

How I did this

<3 BEING CLOSE WITH MY TEACHERS

teachers are humans. Respect them. Communicate with them. Show interest in their lives. Look at them while they teach. Ask questions. Value their insight. Be honest with them. All while still maintaining professionalism. They can be your references and even help you gain opportunities.

one time I talked my way out of taking a whole ass economics exam. got an automatic a on it for being nice to her throughout the course.

&lt;3 Valuing school

School definitely has its bad sides. But its a gift in many ways. Find how it brings value to your life. It can be an escape from your home life. It can be your way of moving up in the world.

<3 Finding the fun

I love school work! It's so fun!! Find the satisfaction. I love learning new things.

<3 Doing what I can

Only take on what you can actually do. (In american college that would mean, only taking as many classes as you can handle) It doesn't matter how long it takes you to do something. It's better to actually understand a class then rush through it. I have huge obligations to my family and work so I'm compassionate with myself on my school work load. Life is a lot so don't feel bad if you can't do everything you thought you could.

&lt;3 Getting help

This is actually something I struggle with but it's important. I know how dumb it feels but accept that you need help. For me, this is math and computer classes. I plan on hiring a tutor and everything. I want to do the best I possibly can. Learn your weaknesses and try to strengthen them.

<3 Rewarding myself

Be proud of yourself. Every achievement deserves a treat.

<3 Getting involved in what the school has to offer

School is a whole experience. Find something that interests you. Don't be a afraid to try something new. Make school a happy place for you.

stay tuned for a school affirmations post

[in-halingstardust]

Hi! May I request an HSR match? My spice tolerance is mid 😅

She/her, Gemini, Intp, 5w4

Asexual/heteromantic

Chaotic Good

Appearance: 164cm. Brown wavy hair, dark Brown eyes. Curvy body I guess? I'm pale with visible beauty marks like on my lips. I wear glasses/sunglasses. I've been described as cute and a tease because I always bite my lips out of habit lol. I often have a tired/annoyed expression or a smile. I wear comfy clothes and even pj outside. Or cliché villain clothes, no in between. I try to wear gloves to stop myself from bitting my nails.

I appear as cold and very sarcastic. But I can be charismatic when I want. I'm always polite unless I dislike you (you'll know it because I become passive agressive). How I act depends on how you act with me, unless I'm in a bad mood. In that case I isolate to not break hearts too much. I act flirty around my friends and is known for sometimes playing with hearts (I'm oblivious to it). I'm petty and can go very far out of spite or vengeance. I curse a lot and will call you out on your bullshit with no issue no matter who you are.

I'm moody and not a morning person AT ALL. I'm brutally honest and it affected some friendships because people sometimes won't dare to approach me. I'm also socially obvious to a lot of things. I'm very curious and have a short attention spawn.

Getting along with me is easy peasy. As long as you're not whiny or a hypocrite we will get along. Now getting to know me is....nearly impossible. No friend of mine has managed to make me spill my problems even thought they share theirs and I help them out. My trust issues and daddy issues are too important for that lol. I don't open up and bottle my feelings all the time till I shut down or explode. I isolate a lot when I have problems or I'm just thinking (I love daydreaming). I'm rebellious but also a smooth talker. My friends know I have good intentions and would never wrong an innocent person. I'm the smart but reckless friend cuz I'll always hype up bad ideas for fun. I can be a bit naive. Even thought I have morbid curiosity and shared dubious experimental ideas....morals ain't my Forte. I'm more logical than emotional. I'm ambitious and can't stand my own failure. But I'm also lazy and a procrastinator which is a terrible combo. I'm always willing to debate and learn new things because knowledge is very important to me. I'm creative and innovative, I know when to get to business. I'm very competitive and try to hide it. Yeah I have an ego, so what? if you don't have a solid argument with me, I'll destroy you.

Despite that, I joke a lot and never take anything seriously. It happens that I underestimate people (I beat them later sooo). I'm a big tease and love to rile up people and see them get angry. I subtly insult people when they piss me off.

Because of that, I get very lonely and I'm misunderstood. I don't recognize my own feelings and mask that pretty well as it fools everyone. i don't consider myself to be a good person for some reasons. I envy easily and get annoyed easily because I want to succeed above all lol. Oh and I love money. I like gifting my friends and receiving gifts.

Hobbies: Reading (mystery, thriller, fantasy), true crime, video games, manga, drawing, baking, fighting sports (sparing and shooting), learning, daydreaming. I love space and mad scientists stories. My aesthetic is definitely related to those subjects as well as the sea and stars.

I'm insecure about my weight despite not being overweight.

In a relationship, I'm the most chill person. I don't get jealous or clingy. You can do whatever you want. I'm always here to give you advices because helping you out, giving you my time and giving you gifts is my love langage. It bothered my last boyfriend because he thought I wasn't emotionally present and isolated a lot (which I did. I warned him that I accepted out of boredroom and didn't love him but he still went ahead. Then he emotionally cheated on my bd and everyone noticed but me lol. I separated from those friends cuz none told me and I value honesty a lot). I love cuddles but I'll take time to accept physical touch. I enjoy a partner that can keep up with me and be patient and honest because I value honesty. I also love receiving gifts because uh...I grew up with them validating love. I hate whiny and cowardly people. I don't fall first and don't make the first move.

I speak Arabic, French and English. I'm an only child. I study electronics and want to work in space related studies.

Thank you!

Girl... like sincerely, if you need anything DM me. I slap your ex friends/relationship so hard for you. This may be different than usual so let me know if this isn't what you want and if I can fix it! ♡♡♡

This might be a little different, but I’m going to pair you with Blade. 

❥ If we are talking about someone who wears his little, tiny, miniscule heart on his sleeve I’d pick Blade. I feel your relationship would thrive upon honesty through actions rather than words. No wondering about the next move, no hesitation, it will be very different to say the least.

❥ To explain it, it’s more about the will that you both possess. The drive to accomplish whether those demands are wrong or right. The similarity between objectives no matter how concluded the path may be.

❥ So when Blade asks you to be in a ‘partnership’ with him, you are quite taken aback.

❥ It’s not the most romantic ‘partnership’ such as hugs and kisses, affectionate PDA; but, for some reason, Blade is never one to ‘forget’ your favorite type of flowers. It was just on way back, don't think too much of it. Never forget the type of pencils you like for sketching, don't forget the multitude of facts you spew as you both stare at the stars in the sky. Your hand draws constellations as if you can touch them. ❥ Your ‘partnership’ slowly evolves over time to something that passersby would call romantic. Maybe it's the way he is always close to you on rainy days, holding the umbrella with your heat radiating into him. ❥ Sometimes after those cold walks you ask him to warm you up. He gives a small scowl until he lifts you onto the kitchen counter. Your legs wrapping around his waist as he pins you against the cabinet's lips finding yours. Chase kisses turn deeper and you feel your head spinning around in stars.

[honeyandbiscuitandtea-cafe]

🛑 The free pass for Rants and Musings has reached you 🛑

If there is anything you’d like to rant or talk about, but no one’s ever asked you about it, consider this the ask you need to yap about it as much as you want! Have fun ✨

So I was mulling over answering this question for the past week because I kept on overthinking things and just had so many things I wanted to talk about ranging from character analysis to OC's or just generally talking about favorite characters but instead of talking about any of that I've decided instead to talk about something that has been plaguing my mind for a while which is

𝓦𝓱𝓲���𝓱 𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓮���� 𝓲𝓷 𝓙𝓙𝓚 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓫𝓮 𝓪 𝓹𝓸𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓲𝓪𝓵 𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓯𝓾𝓬𝓴𝓮𝓻

Now hear me out this is something which has been plaguing my mind for a while like it just won't leave me alone so as a monster fucker myself I have decided to analyze which characters I believe would be down to get freaky with someone who possesses more monstrous features for example something like sukuna's heian era true form like like the scale of a monster fucker can range from human with monster features like claws multiple eyes extra limbs and appendages or a half human hybrid to a literal eldritch abomination that doesn't resemble anything human I will be basing this all by the way on my own personal opinion so it's okay if you disagree just please don't attack me for my opinion this is also half serious and half for fun so don't be so dramatic about it I'm just doing this for fun and also cause I thought it'd be funny to talk about

So I have been thinking of this for a while and since there are so many characters in JJK I've narrowed down my list to the top 8 I believe have the most potential the list by the way is in no order I just put the people I believe to be down to bang a monster if possible or if their s/o was not human/or half human or happened to possess a cursed technique that altered their body to give them a more monstrous appearance now anyways let us begin the list with

Kenjaku

Yorozu

Kashimo

Yuta (aged up)

Choso

Yuki

Hiromi

Toji

Now I will now explain my reasons as to why I believe these characters are monster fuckers

Kenjaku - Come on now we all know how freaky this man is he legitimately banged sukuna's reincarnated twin and even gave birth if that's not freaky I don't know what is also not just that he's also shown to be a highly curious and knowledge driven person so I believe he would be 100% down to bang a someone a lot more on the monster side both for curiosity and at the same time just to experience it and just in case it may come in handy in the future

Kashimo and Yorozu - I group these together because it's because these two are just down bad for Sukuna like yorozu was legit willing to throw herself at him in his true form what's not to say she wouldn't be willing to bang him also in that form and we all know that one panel of kashimo witnessing sukuna transform into his true form and calling him "beautiful" like I also believe he would down to smash if you possessed inhumane qualities

Yuta - Now I think we can also tell why I put him here like that man has already been shown to not be afraid of kissing cursed spirits examples being rika and that cockroach curse (I forgot it's name) in the culling game so I think it's safe to say he probably would be willing to smash if you had monster qualities I also believe that he wouldn't judge your appearance no matter how monstrous as long as you were a good person

Choso - I feel like he's a lot like yuta in that he's not one to judge if you looked more on the monstrous side like the whole reason he went along with kenjaku's plan at first was so that he's brothers could live in a world where they wouldn't be discriminated for their appearance so I feel like as long as he liked you he wouldn't mind getting down and dirty

Yuki - It's kinda hinted at in the manga that she had a thing for choso and to be honest who could blame her she has fantastic taste honestly but because of that I feel like she also wouldn't mind if you were not exactly fully human like how choso was half human half curse or had a more monstrous appearance if she likes you she likes you simple as that

Hiromi - Now please hear me out on this one he may seem out of place on this list but I just feel that deep within my soul that this man is a monster fucker like I feel like after he goes off the rails he legitimately would not care to be honest if you had more monstrous appearance as long as you were a good person and he also did say that he's been trying out new things he hasn't done before and banging a monster could be one of them

Toji - Same thing for hiromi honestly not that much proof more or less the vibes I get from him like this man seems also like such a freak he wouldn't mind doing the nasty if you didn't look exactly human like he did say that the cursed spirit kuchisake-onna looked interesting for a one night stand so yeah I feel like he'd be down

So anyways this is my list and opinions thank you for sticking through to the end and listening to me be unhinged and ramble about this if you have any other characters you think could be on the list let me know I would be happy to discuss it

[deoidesign]

Hello I stumbled across your profile and I just say I love your art style! I've gotta ask, how'd your develop it? And do you have any advice for someone who can't decide what they want their art to look like?

Thank you so much!

To be entirely honest, I don't feel like I truly "developed" my style. I feel a lot more like I finally let myself draw it! But I am incredibly deliberate with my work, and I do have clear tendencies and preferences... So I'll do my best to explain how I got to where I am now as an artist.

It's important to remember that "style" is something of a nebulous concept. It changes with you as you grow as a person, and most artists can work in and emulate many art styles! Art really is a form of communication with yourself, and your "style" is a reflection of the tendencies and preferences you have. My art does not look how it looked 5 years ago, and my art will look different 5 years from now too. I've changed, and my art reflects that!

(2012, 2018, 2023; two pieces I remember being incredibly proud of and considered my best work up til that point, and then my most recent piece)

What you need to do, as everyone will tell you, is study the fundamentals (anatomy, perspective, form and structure, lighting and shadow, color, and composition) so you have the proper tools to make the most informed decisions possible about your art, and so you can deliberately break or follow rules as you please for your desired effect. I know it sounds silly to learn rules if you're not gonna be following them anyways, but they help you be much more consistent and intentional! More knowledge is NEVER a bad thing to have!

However, I know it's a bit demoralizing to just be told to study fundamentals. Everyone knows you're supposed to do that, but it takes YEARS to learn, and people want their art to feel how they want it to now (which is very very very normal to want!)

So on that front, I have 2 follow up suggestions that I personally find helpful (of course, everyone is different, so it's not like this is the only way to learn! But, if it resonates with you, it might mean it will work for you too.)

1: Separate study from application

I believe this is beneficial for a few reasons:

If the goal of every piece is learning, it can become frustrating, overwhelming, and boring

It's harder to self critique when there are multiple variables to investigate. I like to study one fundamental at a time

Study (usually) works best with a large quantity of output, whereas application of knowledge (finished pieces) is often more satisfying and effective when you get to take your time

Deliberate practical application of what you've learned in a finished piece helps cement the learning in your mind, and also lets you get satisfying finished pieces with noticeable improvement after a good study session!

I've found that keeping these things separate helps me improve faster and more deliberately, and it takes a lot of the pressure off of both aspects! I'm not worried about my studies looking beautiful, they're just to learn! And I don't feel pressured to critique my finished pieces, cause they're just for fun and to make something pretty. I personally find this helps me have a much healthier relationship with my art.

When studying, copy! Copy things as best as you can, all the time. It gives you something to compare to for self critique (and of course, if you're copying someone else's work and you share the study, ALWAYS give credit, share the original, and say it was for study.) In application, don't copy: reference. Make it yours!

2: Let yourself do the things that feel "easy" or like "cheating"

This one is simpler: nothing in art is easy.

If something feels easy to you, most of the time it's not because it's actually any easier... It's because it's part of your natural tendencies and preferences! This took me forever to realize, but as long as you're actually doing some study, then you're learning. You don't need to learn All The Time. When you're doing the "application" portion, you should let yourself do whatever is actually the most fun and feels easiest! This is where your style will start to come through, and where you get to learn about yourself. Take the pressure off, and have fun!!!

The only cheating in art is theft. If you're not stealing, then it's allowed!

My whole life (and yes, still!) I'd get regular criticism about both my style and my subject matter. You will too. You'll see a thousand different styles, and a hundred different things to admire in each. Your heart will ache that you don't draw like others do.

But art is a form of communication with yourself. It's like your voice, or your accent; just something that's a part of you! It can be fun to mimic others', but when you sit to have a conversation you speak naturally. (I know some people want to and do change their voice, but this is a metaphor and metaphors aren't perfect)

Don't stress so much about what you want your art to look like, especially if you're not sure. There's a lot of value to be had in constant experimentation, I think it'd be rather boring to only draw one style the rest of my life. What I draw is what I want to see, right now, for who I am now! It's a part of me and comes naturally, if I let it!

I hope this helps!

[pygmi-says-hi]

Hi! I wanted to ask some pointers on humour writing, as well as *ahem* angst/injury writing. I'm writing a story where the very beginning will have some descriptions of a serious injury. After that, it will turn to humour. I KNOW you already did one about blood loss so if there's nothing more to add, you can ignore the injury part of this lol. (Still would love angst pointers)

Anyways, thanks so much! You're amazing for giving these tips!

OH! additionally, advice for emotional writing? I'm currently writing a story where a couple end up breaking up, later becoming friends. I am struggling writing the emotional phone calls and things.

Again, thanks so much!

hello!

SO this is long so there'll be a divider in the middle. I'll do the humor/injury part and then the second bit.

humor

so you think ur a comedian, eh? Humor is really hard to write and I'm gonna be honest, it's something you just gotta roll with. Not everybody has the same sense of humor. Not everybody is gonna pick up on the humor you are trying to write. It's just a fact. That being said, when you consider the intelligibility of your writing, you don't wanna think about that too much.

Like most of my posts, for example. I'm pretty sardonic and affectionately aggressive, which is kind of a theme on tumblr, so most people understand it. If you read the comment section however, you can also pick out the people who just have no fucking clue what's going on.

that's gonna happen! it's fine.

When you are thinking about the kind of humor you want to put in your story, think about the role you want it to play. Are you writing an honest to God, Jim Carrey slapstick or is the comedy a vessel for something more poignant? either is a good choice, but each has its own pointers.

when you are writing in the humor, the biggest guiding point I can say is 'does it make sense?' the audience might not share the sense of humor, but as long as they can clue into the subtext and still follow the story, that's what matters. Otherwise nobody will be able to follow it.

The humor also needs to make sense for the kind of story. Unless you are intentionally playing with social stereotypes, frat boy jokes don't make sense in a dramatic romance. Just like sarcastic 'tumblr' humor won't make sense in a victorian era, even if your main character is quirky.

At the end of the day, it's your story. Whatever makes sense, still pulls off the funny bits, and tells the story is a-okay.

major injury

yes i already did a post but it's okay! I've actually muted the notifications on that one because oh my god.

I digress.

angsty injuries are great because it's a good time for some poetry. I like describing open wounds like moldy fruit because they both smell bad, squish if you step on them, and the bloody pulpy stuff kinda looks like raspberry jam. Or pomegranates! describing it like a pomegranate is actually symbolic because of the association with death.

wow that was graphic.

well anyway, describing injuries that are angsty is best with prose and a lot of really sentimental moments. I also did a post on my other acct @pygmi-cygni that I unfortunately haven't transferred over yet about sentence structure? or maybe it was linked into my grammar post? I don't remember but one of my most recent asks also brought it up; playing with sentence structure to convey emotion.

hope that helps?? i confused myself so maybe not.

emotional writing

lovely stuff.

dig deep into the character mindsets. Do a lot of yes/no up/down. Like character one has one opinion/emotional feeling and the other one directly parallels it. it adds tension and makes the readers pine after the relationship.

the characters are confused too. like, this person they used to share a house and sleep together and eat together and now. don't?

It feels like a gaping wound. They'll feel maybe lost, a bit disoriented. Probably a lotttt of awkward calls. maybe slip in an accidental pet name? Just, really highlight the sad nostalgia. As if you think of something and understand fundamentally that it's gone forever. that kind of acheyness in your chest.

dual POV works great here too to get both sides of the story.

FLASHBACKS. to the relationship, and then to the exact same situation but they're not talking/not like they were. like 'oh I'm making pancakes, we used to make pancakes on saturdays and then cut to the other character eating pancakes alone also.

or something.

oof i want to cry now.

thanks I hope I helped??? it's 6 am I might revisit this lmao

[mysticfoxdesigns]

Who is your favorite human character from Rescue Bots?

(yet another example of a seemingly short post turning long)

My favorite human character in Rescue Bots has been tied between Kade and Dani. Dani is just a really fun character and I feel myself relating to her and her daredevilness. She in all is a pretty popular character as well.

Now I know that people don't generally like Kade

But I have my reasons.

I love asshole characters, especially ones that could be considered loveable assholes. I considered Kade to be one of the characters, even if the show didn't handle the trope well. Kade is honestly a character that needs to grow on you. Sometimes it's quick, sometimes it takes all four seasons. For me, it was the second episode.

That episode was honestly the peak of being an older sibling. How I know? I'm an older sibling.

In that episode we see our general Kade characteristics. He is egotistical, a jerk to Heatwave, and a jerk to members of his family. I honestly believe these are valid reasons to not like him, especially if your favorites are Heatwave or Cody. (Yes I am calling y'all out) However, he still cares about all of them, especially for the bots after that episode.

Kade literally older sibling freaked out when it was revealed Cody was in danger. He (mostly) kept his calm cause he is a first responder, that is in the job description to keep a level head, but he was still scared about Cody's safety. His first priority was getting there first to stop the lava, and when Heatwave revealed he was also scared for the younger Burns child, that is what started Kade's respect for him.

Now I will admit, how he got with Hayley was not a good example for a kids show. No one owes you a date just cause you save their life. However, if Hayley truly was not interested later on after that, she wouldn't continue going on dates with him. Their relationship from what we see in the show isn't the healthiest, but it's nothing bad to be purely honest. Hayley has boundaries she clearly sets, as seen in the episode where Kade gets cloned 5 times over. She speaks her mind to him, and pushes him to not be a complete jerk. And Kade respects her wishes! The show, if it did focus more on their relationship, could have pushed for Kade to have more character growth as their relationship grew. However, the show was not built to work with that kind of story plot.

As for how Kade acts with his family, you can see he instantly backtracks when he realizes his words have hurt his family. I truly believe he doesn't think before he speaks. A character flaw, yes, but it does not represent his true morals and ethics. He wouldn't be on a rescue team if he was a truly terrible person. In the episode where the bots are struck with a sickness from the meteor, he tries to rationalize the situation in his own way of coping. But as soon as he realizes that the way of coping he was using wasn't helping Cody, he changes his tune to support Cody's way of coping. In the Squilsh episode, we see him try to argue that he should be the last to leave the area, he didn't want to leave Graham behind and alone. It was Chief having to push him to Blade's ladder to make him leave and get to safety.

And it isn't like we don't see him being anything but an egotistical asshole, we see him genuinely scared. The gremlins episode is a perfect example of this. Kade had a big phobia of them, he barely got any sleep cause of nightmares dealing with them, and he didn't want to enter the power plant cause of it being overrun by them. However, it isn't like he didn't do anything to overcome it. He went to Doc Greene to find a solution, and when it did backfire, Kade didn't back down. Heatwave also showed some great character development in this episode, he didn't make fun of Kade too much for his fear, and even encouraged him to get into the powerplant. Kade was then able to overcome the fear, showing growth in his character.

And on the topic of Heatwave and Kade's relationship. They remind me so much of my own relationship with one of my best friends. We make fun of each other, we are assholes to each other, he makes fun of my autism, I make fun of him being a twink. But we are still best friends. We know the limits and boundaries of our jokes, and it isn't just us being assholes to each other 24/7. We have genuine hearts to hearts, we give each other advice, and we help each other out through difficulties in our life. This is exactly what Heatwave and Kade's relationship is, though not a direct parallel to my relationship.

Heatwave isn't innocent in the beginning with how he treats Kade, just as Kade is not innocent. They are both unfiltered, unreasonable assholes to each other. Heatwave is mad that Optimus Prime won't let him join the Prime Team, and he takes that out on being a pessimistic jerk to the situation they are in. He does not want to be on Griffin Rock, and that is evident. Kade, doesn't reasonably want to work and be inside of an alien. ANY REASONABLE PERSON WOULD BE LIKE THAT. However, it does not excuse his treatment of Heatwave, who is another sentient being. Heatwave is a genuine jerk throughout the first season. It is evident he only cares about his team and Cody. The flobster's episode is a good example of this, he won't care until it is his job. Now, he does grow out of this, which is good cause character development, we love that here.

As the season goes on we see their relationship develop into this friendly "I hate your guts but I will kill for you" situation. (Obviously they do not actually hate each other's guts, but they still act like it) This kind of character development is my favorite! The show does a good job at showing this as well. If you compare the first few episodes of season 1, with the episodes of season 3 and 4, you can see how their relationship has changed. Neither of them are scared to speak their mind, and there is obviously respect in the relationship. Kade and Heatwave have grown to understand and respect each other, while still being jerks to each other. Heatwave is not afraid to make fun of Kade and vice versa, which honestly I believe is a clear sign of a good and healthy relationship. You can point out flaws in each other, and no one is going to instantly get butthurt. Boundaries just have to be established and maintained.

I wish the show could have further explored more of these character developments, not just in Kade but in everyone. However, it is a kids show meant for preschoolers, they just want to watch cool transforming robots save the day.

Another thing with Kade is that it is so fun in the fandom sphere to add headcanons and backstory. I love a character who you can do that with.

[benjis-journey]

10.12.24 (Day 2)

I started the day angry, bitter, and resentful. I was still so angry about what my mother had said to me yesterday and the way she reacted. As infuriated as I was, I continued to record myself as I took my next dosage of testosterone and hoped for the best. I can't afford to be angry all the time. It wouldn't do me any good. I'd hate to think my mother will take up so much space in these entries. This is meant to be a safe space for me to document my journey. I want things to be happy and positive. I feel bad that I'm always so angry at her, but she should consider treating me better. After all, she has overwhelmingly contributed to why I feel I don't love being trans yet.

A friend told me the other day that he loves being trans. He also told me that it'd likely take me a while to feel that way. I thought what he told me was beautiful and that I couldn't wait to feel the way he does. I couldn't stop thinking about the conversation we had. We spoke for a very long time about the struggles and milestones of transitioning. We spoke about how life had been before it and what it'd be like after. I was enamored with what he shared with me. I felt so connected with him then and I was thrilled to find someone who truly understands how I feel.

To be quite honest, I can't remember the last time I felt so understood and seen. It was like everything in my brain had finally made sense to another person. I'm so glad to have met him. I care about him a lot and he makes me very happy, but I feel awkward telling him that. I think he'll figure that out on his own just fine, though. I hope he knows I like it when he tells me he cares about me. I often wear the giddiest grin I can muster when he does.

I've been thinking a lot about the people who are no longer in my life. Those specifically who I'd love to tell about my transition. I wonder what they'd say, I wonder what they'd think. If we were still friends, would they be happy for me? If we were still dating, would they love me the same? If they were still alive, would they embrace me? I know I can't afford to think about all these people as much as I do, it's been years. But they always find a way to cross my mind like the sneaky devils they are. I miss you all terribly regardless of how you left me or how you've treated me. I have so much to tell you and none of the time or energy to do so.

There are still plenty of people out there I've yet to break the news to. I'm hoping for positive reactions, but I'll understand where I might get negative ones from. Still, I'm holding on to hope. I'm sure once my appearance has changed enough, the conversation will just start itself. I wonder what that'll be like. Will I be confident? Will I be timid? What will their faces look like? What will I look like? I find it baffling how starting my transition has elicited more questions than answers. Things will get better and less confusing, though, as time goes on. They have to... right? —Benjiꕤ

[andreal831]

What do you think of TVD's Hayley? Would you change anything about his story on the show?

We all know Hayley is one of my favorite characters but I'm going to be honest, I never really paid her much attention in TVD. I didn't watch TO until years after it had ended. I actually watched like two episodes of Legacies, not knowing it was a spin off, and got super confused. I immediately started watching TO and had kind of forgotten all of what Hayley did in TVD. I was able to love Hayley as a character completely separate from TVD Hayley.

That being said, I wouldn't change her.

Don't get me wrong, her TVD character is deeply problematic. But it sets her up well. She has probably one of the biggest character growths at the same time matching her up well to the darker themes of TO as well as the Mikaelsons family.

Hayley entered the show as the older "too cool for teen drama" character which was a nice change of pace for the TVD gang which was all about teen drama. Not only that but she is more ruthless than the characters we were used to dealing with. Hayley wasn't really introduced as a "good guy" or "bad guy," rather just another obstacle for Forewood. Which is why it was so interesting to find out she was actually double crossing everyone. It was never about the "teen drama," rather she was scheming to find her family. A very Mikaelson trait of hers.

If I would change anything, I would have made her scheming more detailed. She was a small side character so they didn't invest a lot of time into her, but it would have been a better set up to watch just how devious she could be when needed. One of the shocks for me between TO and TVD is her fighting skills. We don't really get much of a background on her except she kind of grew up on the streets. I would have liked to see more of her street smarts and even have her flirting with Klaus as some nefarious purpose. The random one night stand felt, well random.

I would have liked to see more of her backstory, but that would kind of ruin her mystery. I just hate how little of her history we get. I also like that she never really bonded with anyone in TVD. She sort of did with Tyler and considered him a friend, I personally don't think she was romantically interested in him rather befriended him for a reason and did develop a platonic attachment to him. I also think she did care for the wolves, so I would have liked to see some more remorse from her after she betrayed them. Or at least see her coming to

Hayley's character growth in TO made the most sense to me since she was so young. The Mikaelsons were over a thousand and yet seem to mature /change a lot between the two shows. But for Hayley, maturing after finding out she's pregnant makes sense. I loved watching her go from a selfish loner to a caring leader.

And of course, because I can't help myself. I would have loved for TVD Hayley to run into TVD Elijah. Just for fun.

[amethystina]

i still like your idea of the fanfic where, soohyun gets injured but doesn't die, and the rest is canon but gaon doesn't know yohan is alive... You put it in one of the chapters note (i forgot which chapter) i am a sucker for angst and i like to give myself sadness lol... I can imagine how broken and angst ridden gaon would be. It would be a devastating sight but also delicious.

It is a fascinating thought! But, admittedly, also the idea I'm the least likely to write out of all the ones I've come up with — for the very same reason why you like it x'D

I'm really not a fan of angst and sadness and, sometimes, I can look at a story idea and realise that it wouldn't be fun for me to write. And this one is, unfortunately, one of those. Because it would focus so much on Ga On's grief and his failing relationship with Soo Hyun and I just... don't want to write that?

Sure, it would be fascinating, but also way too depressing for me. Partly because I don't see an easy solution. Like, even if Ga On eventually finds out that Yo Han is alive, just how bad would he feel? How bad would they both feel? And just how much more pain and anguish would they have to wade through? Would they even be willing to try?

Basically, now that I've had time to think about it further, I've realised that it just doesn't work. The math isn't mathing in this scenario, at least not for a fic written in my fairly realistic and down-to-earth style.

Because it would, quite frankly, be easier for them to just cut their losses and continue living their separate lives. I think the hurt would be too much for either of them to come to terms with and reconcile. So, on top of being a very depressing story overall, it wouldn't have a happy ending, either. Which means it immediately gets disqualified because I only want happy endings xD

I wouldn't be able to give it a happy ending with a clear conscience because, sure, we all know Yo Han is a vicious asshole and Ga On is good at forgiving him. But this?

Faking his own death for months, maybe years, and not telling Ga On about it, instead leaving him to grieve — on top of all the guilt he's already feeling? And for what? Because Yo Han was hurt? Because he was jealous of Soo Hyun? Because he wanted to punish Ga On?

Well, Yo Han would certainly achieve that.

Ga On would be an absolute wreck.

And, to be entirely honest with you, I think Ga On would be too broken after spending only god knows how long thinking Yo Han is dead because of him. Because, let's face it — that's what Ga On would believe.

I wouldn't know how to fix that. I don't want to fix it because if Yo Han truly did all that to Ga On — something so vindictive and cruel — I'd side with Soo Hyun and say that it's probably best for the two of them to stay apart. Because, clearly, they're going to destroy each other eventually. Especially since Ga On would most likely become suicidal again. And Yo Han must have predicted that might happen but still chose not to tell Ga On about being alive.

And, sure, I understand being hurt and angry — Yo Han has no obligation to forgive Ga On for the things he did. But to intentionally choose to put another person — someone you care about — in a situation where you know they might end up wanting to take their own life? Just to get revenge?

Unforgivable, in my opinion.

But that leads us to the part where we also have to ask if Yo Han truly would do that and, personally, I don't think so. Maybe that's me giving Yo Han too much grace, but I really don't think he'd be that cruel considering how much he cares about Ga On. Maybe he wants Ga On to suffer a bit, sure, but not die.

So, in the end, the whole thing is a bit of a moot point x'D

The scenario doesn't work with how I choose to interpret these characters.

I think a more likely outcome if Soo Hyun doesn't die is that Yo Han would still do all the things he does in the drama, including telling Ga On that he's alive, but then go radio silent. Like, go to Switzerland and just focus on himself and Elijah. But do it more firmly than in Who Holds the Devil when he always had plans to return. Here he wouldn't.

Which is painful, too, but not quite as bad as "I'm knowingly letting you think you had a hand in killing me." And Ga On would still wallow and he'd still realise that his relationship with Soo Hyun isn't what he thought it would be, but without the looming threat of Ga On's (in my opinion) likely suicide. They might actually be able to reconcile eventually.

But, even then, I'm not sure if this is a story I would want to write. At least not right now when I'm already struggling with both my physical and mental well-being. It just wouldn't be healthy for me and, most likely, not something I'd enjoy. Some people get a feeling of release and catharsis from writing about difficult things, but I'm not one of them. I just end up feeling worse because I have to immerse myself in the misery to a point where I just sink even deeper into it.

So while I agree that this is an interesting and quite dramatic scenario, I've realised it's just not for me. In more ways than one xD

But if someone else wants to write it, then go for it! :D