#I don't care if this shit isn't addictive. if you have an addictive personality everything can be an addiction

[cuntwrap--supreme]

I get home from work and find my 15 year old brother making salvia tea? Which, according to the person who sold this, will make you trip enough balls to be unaware of your surroundings. Why can't he just be a normal teenager and go buy shitty weed from a middle-aged convicted felon in the housing project a couple blocks away who grows all his own shit in an abandoned trailer behind said housing project? That's what kids in this area did when I was his age!

[universalitgirlsblog2]

🎀🍓⚞🎀・◦・⚟ YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM.🎀🍓⚞🎀・◦・⚟

🍓REALISE THAT LIFE IS A IMAGINATION.

You going to your job. Your job is your bosses imagination. He imagined a company that he wanted to create and then he put it into physical realm. So you are basically working towards your bosses imagination.

Countries are not real. We all collectively imagine a border but it's not real. It's all earth. Everything is earth but we imagine that those countries are separated.

Money is also imagination. It's just a piece of paper. We imagine that the amount of money in our bank is worth that much but it isn't. If tomorrow a big corporation says that the money in your account isn't worth that much or the money isn't in use anymore . It's not.

All this means that we all are living in a imagination. A dream . A game . Matrix. Whatver you want to call it.

We imagine everything we do. We imagine our future and dwell in our past which also doesn't exist. Future and past doesn't exist. Only this moment exists.

🎀REALISE THAT YOU ARE THE CREATOR OF YOUR IMAGINATION.

We can create this imagination or dream however we want it to be.

🍓QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

How do I want to create my game , my dream ?

How do I want my imagination to look like ?

Who do I allow into my imaginations ?

How do I behave ? Who am I? What does my character look like ?

🎀BEING A VICTIM MAKES YOU FEEL SAFE

Being a victim is the most comfortable thing because you don't have to do much. Your life is a circle. Everything just keeps moving in the same way , in the same circle. But this is comfortable for you. Why ? Because you know what is going in happen in the circle. You don't have to take risks. You don't have to deal with different people.

🍓CHANGING YOUR LIFE AND STOP BLAMING OTHERS

To take a leap of faith , you need to be brave. It takes guts. Everyone wants to blame everyone . At the end you will be left no one to blame but yourself. Your life is shit because of you. People don't care about your victim mentality. You know when they care ? When you get out of it. When your life becomes a success story. David Goggins is not David Goggins without his success. No one would care if he was the same guy before.

🎀YOUR LIFE WILL ONLY CHANGE IF YOU CHANGE

Everyone moves on and you will be left behind. NO ONE IS GOING TO SAVE YOU. WHY ? BECAUSE NO ONE CAN SAVE YOU. The only person that can save you is you. No one is going to make you change.

🍓GROWTH IS : 2 STEPS FORWARD AND 1 STEP BACK.

Everytime you learn something,it's one step forward because you have more knowledge but if you put it into practice, you will be 1 step back because you are not used to it. You still have to continue. If you feel uncomfortable and give up, you will be right back where you started. Stop abusing yourself by being in the same circle that you don't like. Stop abusing yourself by being the same person that you don't like. Look in the mirror , we don't have anyone to blame. As a victim it's easy to run away and be like " I tried I tried", You didn't try and you didn't try hard enough . Try again . Try again until you get there.

🎀REALISE THAT YOU ARE ADDICTED TO DRAMA.

Alot of people when they come out of abusive household , later they will think that it's too peaceful . They will start to attract people that will give them that toxicity again because this is the only thing they knew. Realize that you are the creator of that drama though. You can choose to have a peaceful life. You can choose to have peaceful people around . If you can't find peaceful people , just be peaceful on your own for a while until you find someone that makes you feel peaceful.

Stop creating drama when it was never meant for you. Stop involving yourself in things that were never meant for you. Stop watching things that are so dramatic.

🍓REALISE THAT YOU HAVE CONTROL.

You have control who comes into your life , you have control about who you date . You have control about what you watch , listen to , what you read. You have control over what you put in your mind. Your mind isn't a dustbin.

If you decide to open the news and it's all negative and now your day is bad. Don't blame the news. Blame your eyes and blame your hands for putting that on.

🎀ASK YOURSELF : WHY DO I ALLOW THESE PEOPLE IN ?

"My friend , partner is toxic". Why don't you start looking at why you allow them in ? Don't you have control over who I allow into my life? Why don't you ask yourself ? What is it in you that you don't feel worthy enough of having people that actually respect you ?

🍓WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO FIX YOUR LIFE ?

What part are you playing in life ? You can cry all day about being overweight or underweight . Are you doing something to fix that or are you just crying all day ? What are you doing to fix your life?

🎀WHEN YOU WANT SOMETHING BADLY YOU WILL FIND A WAY

When something wants something badly , they will get it done anyway.

🍓GO FROM COMPLAINING TO GRATITUDE

Turn your mindset around. Set your mind on a plan and focus on it . The more you start going from complaining to gratitude, the more your life will change. If you constantly focus on what isn't there instead of what it is , you create more of that.

🎀REALISE HOW PRIVILEGED YOU ARE

You are privileged and you want to talk about people in North Korea. They won't be able to see liz video or read this post since they don't have access to internet but you do.

🍓WE NEED THE GOOD AND BAD TO KEEP THE WORLD IN BALANCE.

This is how the world works.

🎀PAST AND FUTURE DONT EXIST

Accept your past and start working on yourself. It doesn't exist. You only have now. Don't dwell on the future. What are you doing now ? How you are now will determine your future and not the other way around.

🍓RECOGNISE THE WAYS YOU SABOTAGE YOURSELF.

Everytime something good comes into your life. Do you ruin it ? What in life are you doing that sabotages you ? You have to ask yourself these things.

🎀START TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR BEHAVIOUR

It's not fair what happened to you but whatver I do with it next , it's on you.

🍓TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST IS THE MOST SELFLESS ACT

If you don't take care of yourself , you can't show up as the best mother , daughter, employee or boss. You don't feel good . You are depleted and depressed. If you want to perform the best you want to be for others , then you should think about you first and nurturing you first so you are happy. If you don't feel good in your life , it's okay to take a step back from everyone and focus on nurturing you . Put yourself first . No is coming to take care of you.

🎀YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING YOU DESIRE

You deserve everything you want and you can get once you set your mind to it. Stop taking advice from people that you don't want to share lives with ,these people are miserable themselves.

🍓🎀 ⚞🎀・◦・⚟I LOVE LIZ SO MUCH. 🍓🎀 ⚞🎀・◦・⚟

[bloop-bl00p]

When you forget there’s sin in Seven Deadly Sins

[I guess this could be treated as part two of my rant about Hell’s ruling class.]

The Seven Sins are the embodiment of their vice, in a modern setting, they will probably be seeking to indulge in harmful activities themselves since they are immortal and can’t face consequences and influence others into falling into dangerous lifestyles. I can even see a scenario when each of them tries to make propaganda through the internet with platforms like Instagram or TikTok, like Beelzebub promoting Bezzle Juice except that it’s purposely made to be extremely addictive and one shot of it gets you hooked forever.

We’re gonna start with Lucifer, the only angel of the Seven. He’s a dreamer quirky cutie patootie with dePwezIOn that just wanted to give humanity Fwee Wil🥺.

What were Lucifer’s plans/dreams for humankind in the first place? He was dismissed as a troublemaker, okay…? What portrayed him as such? He’s a socially awkward silly guy but honestly, that’s all there is to his character. But I won’t get too deep with these questions maybe we’ll get more answers in Hazbin. However, what I can ask is…

How did Lucifer manage to find himself so close to The Garden of Eden? If I’m making something important I ain’t letting the petulant kid get close to it because… you know he might ruin it.

Elder or not Lucifer is still a Seraphim, did he not know that giving Free Will to humans would mess up everything? Even if HE didn't know what about the others? Were the angels even aware of Evil as a whole? If yes, why didn't they warn Lucifer before giving him access to Eden? Like “Hey dude the glowing red Tree in the middle of the Garden is bad news don’t let the mortals near it.” was it that hard?

Can someone explain to me how is this the embodiment of Pride? I personally don't see anything prideful in his attitude at all. Pride is the belief that you don’t need God in your spiritual journey, in a worst-case scenario, you think yourself above him. In the Bible, Lucifer was too Proud to bow before mankind and tried to overthrow God which led to his banishment. But since Viv totally changed the story and forgot to add the Pride elements, there’s nothing justifying Lucifer’s title as Pride incarnate.

TW: Mention of sexual assault/rape and a brief mention of other sexual practices.

Following with Asmodeus, why is he like this? Don't get me wrong, I can understand why he isn't a fan of rape as a whole, rape is rarely, dare I say never, about sexual craving, it’s about control. Val doesn't rape Angel Dust, and his employees because he feels needy, he assaults them because he knows that’ll break them psychologically and physically which makes them vulnerable to manipulation. Sexual assault as a whole is never about lust.

It makes sense if we drop out of the fact that Lust isn’t just physical but religiously speaking just an intense craving for something, like power or control. Viv took the easy way and reduced it to a physical craving so Asmodeus could be anti-rape I can’t blame her for that, it’s her ✨interpretation.✨

So Asmodeus is Pro Concent and it kinda makes sense. Since he’s the Prince of Lust, he technically should have influence over the culture in the Lust Ring and other species like Succubus should at least be weirded out by innuendo of non-consensual sex.

Well, shit.

“OooOoooOOH But Tiz is Not Rape!”

Compare the succubus’ abilities to aphrodisiacs and it all makes sense. Increasing someone’s libido without their consent alone is sexual misconduct proceeding to have sex with them later is rape. And it’s not the only instance of succubus assaulting people.

[Context: Ep3 S1, Verosika’s crew basically made condescending comments on how Moxie was cute and how they wanted to kiss him despite his discomfort and the fact that he mentioned being married. They still eventually kissed him by force and it was treated as a joke. “I care about male victims.” Sure we believe you.]

So Asmodeus is a hypocrite for giving succubus and incubus a way to get to Earth while knowing they are raping as many humans as possible.

“D3mOn @re BAAAAAAD Pweple So |t makse sense.☝️🤓”

I know, I wouldn’t complain that much if Asmodeus wasn’t painted as this cutie patootie lovely doe who is so in love with his lovely cute good boy partner.

Talking about partners, why does the Prince, no… why does LUST INCARNATE have ONE partner? The dude’s sex drive should be higher than the Olympus Mons and you’re telling me he doesn’t have a harem at disposition and he’s FAITHFUL?!! No free relationship, no hookups, no polyamorous relationship, and no mention of orgies he organizes to test the efficiency of his toys! Hell, we’re talking about Lust shouldn’t he be more inclined to have exhibitionist behavior (In recent episodes Lust’s citizens were desensitized about voyeurism so showing a bit of skin shouldn't be a problem)? Or, I don’t know, the ability to change his appearance and sex to appeal to a larger audience. Maybe the smoke secreted by his fire can serve as an aphrodisiac he only uses to put his partners in the mood (With their consent if she’s so attached to that idea.)

Viv, with two shows whose humor is mostly based on sex you certainly lack representations in terms of positive sexual activities, every time sex is mentioned in both of her projects it’s either a joke or diabolized. I’ve seen teens on Wattpad and AO3 writing foul smut with sexual practice so taboo it’ll make you gasp out loud! Take an example! (This was obliviously a joke but seriously, smut’s writers scare me with their tags.)

This leads us to Beelzebub, she’s supposed to be…. an animal tamer? She did not give off this vibe at all, she’s a party girl at best, stop saying things on Twitter Viv, and show it in your shows!

Is there a reason for her to be so nice? What do you mean you don’t want Bliztø to lose himself in alcohol and sex, you’re all about overindulgence. If anything she should actively invite people who are mentally distressed as they’ll be more willing to drink excessively in a “forget my life’s issues” type of way. This could also explain why so many people in her parties are minorities, Hellhounds and Imps are treated like shit by Hell’s society so being invited to one of Queen Bee’s parties will be a great honor and a way for them to forget how difficult their life is.

“E3RmS Actoualli, Bee ite the Viiiibe! S0 ze kant let Peple b3 s@d or ze will be sad too. ☝️🤓”

Ah… okay, still don't explain why she can’t be a bitch about it. Since she “eats the vibe” and feels for her people she could be affected by Blizt's destructive behavior and be absolutely furious someone is ruining her parties for her! Then she could have gotten to Loona and been like “Look your dad doesn't have the vibe I’m looking for so get him out unless you wanna learn what happen to party pooper.” implying that she will most likely kill him (or eat him) and that this isn't the first time she offed someone for that. But I guess we can make another EMBODIMENT OF SINS a decent girl, it’s Viv ✨interpretation.✨

Going forward with Mammon, Viv humanized the Sins mentioned up there, so you would think Mammon would also get the humanization treatment?

“T3re Is NOO g0od s|de to GrEed!!!!! 😡”

Okay.

What’s Greed, it’s a selfish desire for more than what you already have (money, fame, etc...) The mention of selfishness doesn’t give Greed a positive connotation but you forgot…. This is Viv ✨interpretation✨ she reduced Lust to craving sexual intimacy just so she could make Asmodeus Pro Concent. Beelzebub doesn't need food she eats the Viiiiibe so she can’t let people self-destruct! Here she’ll politely ask you to go away because she caaaaaares. And Lucifer isn’t Prideful at all.

She removed part of the definition of each Sins so she could make them good people and you’re telling me that she couldn't do the same for Mammon?!

“But H0w can ze posibli m@ke Greed Pozitif?”

If you remove the selfish aspect, Greed is wanting something more. There’s nothing wrong with that, like wanting more recognition, and more money when you’re poor. Mammon could have been this guy who worked himself at the top and his money could have been the fruit of his hard work.

So why, of all the Sins that got turned down was Greed the only one who got the “I’m pure Evil” treatment?

The Seven Deadly Sins aren't supposed to be decent beings. They represent the worst of what humanity can do and they are embodied by equally bad entities. With a setup as shitty as the Hellaverse, where there are little to no rules, slavery, classism, and drugs available everywhere I was expecting them to be a tad bit vicious, purposely making the life of everyone worse for their benefit. Mammon could have been the reason for this capitalist society as it’s the perfect environment to develop other sins and his. Yet, Beelzebub is friendly to the Hellhounds while letting them be treated like lesser than how we treat dogs. There’s even rehabs in Hell, Verosika and Barbie were in the same one.

Asmodeus will sue you if you rape someone unless you’re a succubus. Ironically he said that he’s against love potions when that’s literally what the succubus do with their abilities, get you in the mood without you knowing.

Lucifer is the number one silly guy and he even has an attraction parc for others to have fun.

I know it’s Viv ✨ interpretation✨ but you have to make it make sense. You can’t have demons this high-ranked being nice portray them as good people in the narrative when they are responsible for Hell being so unfair to the lower class.

As for the other sins…

Traditionally speaking Wrath isn't just unjustified violence but hatred and a desire for revenge. I think that’s one of the main reasons Satan and Lucifer are treated as the same person as Lucifer is both prideful, hates God, and seeks revenge. I don't see how Viv’s Satan could be vengeful as they were no war with Heaven to begin with.

Envy isn’t wanting something that someone else has (it’s jealousy), it’s hating someone because they have something that you don’t. Which often results in trying to make the life of this person worse but that’s another thing. I didn't see anything about Sloth and judging by the Sloth Ring, Beelphagor is going to be medical-themed, we know he makes drugs and has a brand of anti-depressant named “Happy Pills.” (Nothing to do with the circus aesthetic she was going for.)

I don’t know if Viv really has a good grasp of what these Sin are traditionally as she claims but we have to see in future episodes. My guess is no.

[stars-n-spice]

Bad Batch Food Headcanons:

Was having the meal of champions (soju, galbi, and buldak) and it got me thinking,,

So have this collection of random food headcanons:

Crosshair insists he can handle spicy food but he cannot. He's eating hot cheetos and he's fucking crying

Wrecker had to build up a tolerance for spice - he fucking LOVES spicy food ("It's like an explosion in my mouth!!") but couldn't handle it at first. Now he can handle buldak with half of the spice packet!

Hunter and Tech can handle their spice decently but Echo isn't too fond of spicy foods.

Like Wrecker, Omega built up a tolerance to spice, but also like Crosshair she's sensitive to it and will insist that she can handle her spice

Echo is a picky eater. That's like canon. He doesn't care that he's a grown man, he's ordering mac-n-cheese at the fancy restaurant. Deal with it.

Tech is another picky eater but he thrives off instant stuff like ramen or snacks like chips. Man can plow through a whole Costco-sized bag of tortilla chips in one sitting without realizing it.

Hunter has a stomach of steel, he'll eat anything and everything. It's only a matter of REMEMBERING to fucking eat. He'll stand up, nearly faint, then go, "What the hell?" and it's because he hasn't eaten since fucking yesterday.

No Crosshair, an ice coffee is NOT a suitable breakfast. How many times do we have to tell you? And aren't you fucking lactose intolerant???

Oh they love their dinosaur chicken nuggets though - especially Omega and Wrecker. They'll dunk them in ketchup and create a whole murder crime scene.

Omega LOVES soup. Any and all kinds! I think she'd really enjoy udon or 냉면 the most though. The slurp-ier the better!

I feel like Tech is a curry enjoyer. Indian curry, Thai curry, Japanese curry - he loves it all.

Rip Crosshair you would've loved flavored soju 😔

Rip Wrecker you would've loved Korean BBQ and all you can eat sushi

I don't think Hunter likes cold foods. His teeth are sensitive and they hurt when he eats cold stuff like ice cream (no I'm not projecting)

Crosshair likes mint ice cream. Echo likes rocky road. Wrecker enjoys strawberry or sherbert. Omega likes cookie dough. Tech likes caramel or coffee.

Ice cream is like the only kind of "dessert" that Crosshair likes (despite being lactose intolerant) - he doesn't really have a sweet tooth

WAIT CROSSHAIR WHEN I TELL YOU ABOUT BINGSU!!!

SPAM. SPAM. SPAM. Shut up they WOULD eat spam and idc what people say I fucking LOVE spam. Spam is the love of my life, they could never make me hate spam. I used to write parody love songs about spam as a kid. They would enjoy breakfasts of spam, rice, and eggs.

They'd devour the shit out of Mexican food. Like CMON-

Feel like Omega would like fiedo. And Echo too

Wrecker thinks breakfast burritos are godsend - he absolutely loves papas and chorizo

Y'know what would be funny? Echo being a picky eater yet LOVEING Mole. It's not for everyone (I personally like it) but he thinks it's good

Omega has a boba addiction. She has ro have it every week. Her favorites are Taro, Strawberry Matcha, and Honey Milk Tea

Only Hunter and Wrecker like boba; Echo, Crosshair, and Tech find the texture funny but they enjoy the drinks

I feel like Echo is a big bread eater. My sister reminds me a LOT of Echo and she absolutely ADORES bread (she's also a picky eater) - catch him at 85° or Paris Baguette

Hunter would love Soul Food and he also can work a grill

Rip Echo you would’ve loved soba and you would've loved 맥주

Tech actually secretly (not so secretly) has a sweet tooth - he really likes muffins and pies specifically

Omega and Wrecker record "Food Review" videos together

I have,, so many more ideas and whatnot but I'm leaving it here-

Ugh I just,,, I have so many foods I'd love to introduce them too-

[blitzwhore]

You Love Him (Not)

Stolitz | 800 words | G | Blitzø character study, Blitzø loves Stolas, Blitzø is bad at feelings (and traumatized), 2nd person POV

On AO3

A peek into what goes on in Blitzø's mind when he looks at his selfie in bed with Stolas.

Curled up on the sofa, home alone on a Friday night, you scroll mindlessly through your phone gallery, as you so often do. 

And it hurts, it aches, but you just can't seem to stop. Seeing yourself next to all these people, your smiling face not crossed out for once, is an addictive sort of pain, one that has you hooked. The light from your phone screen blinds you in the darkness of your flat, sucking you in, urging you to scroll faster. Fizz, Verosika, Moxxie, Millie, Loona, Barbie. We were happy, you think as you scroll. For a little while, I made them all happy. 

But when you see your picture with Stolas, you pause. 

Because, in this picture, you don't just look happy. You look content.

It's as though your own eyes are staring back at you through the camera, except the person in the picture doesn't feel like he's you. Not with that gaze that looks so perfectly at ease. Not when his face looks so soft as he holds Stolas close. The person in the picture is peaceful and untroubled, without a single care in the world. And you… well. You're a wreck, that's what you are.

You just can't look away, mesmerized and terrified in equal parts by how carefree you look next to Stolas. And what's scariest is that, if anyone were to see this picture, this moment that you secretly froze in time and have held close to your heart ever since, they'd see… they'd know that you… 

Blinking, you stop that thought before it can fully form. No. 

You don't.  

You lock your phone—close your eyes, fighting the wave of distress that overtakes you. 

You don't love Stolas. 

You don't love Stolas because it isn't worth it. You've already been there and done that so many times before—the hope, the vulnerability. The inevitable heartbreak. The insults, the disdain. You don't need to love anyone else—the world has already assured you over and over again that you are unlovable. A selfish partner, a freak, a piece of shit. 

You don't love Stolas because love is a fancy, overused word, anyway. It doesn't mean anything. Not when people so often say it, and then leave anyway. Leave before you can understand why they don't want you around anymore—leave before you're ready to lose them, or go on without them. 

You don't love Stolas because your love consumes everything in its wake. The second you get too close, the second you allow others in, they get burned. A single touch of your fingertips can trigger a wildfire, and you're helpless to stop it. You've made peace with it; learned to capitalize off of it, even. But Stolas is too precious to lose, and so he's too precious to be loved by you. 

You don't love Stolas because that's the only way you can be sure you will never lose him. Because how can you lose someone you've never truly had in the first place?

You press your fisted hands to your eyes, fighting back tears. You don't love Stolas. You don't love Stolas because you're too damaged to be loved back. Because every time Stolas looks your way, you can't return the look, your gaze darting to the ground, begging it to swallow you and spare the world from your sad, sorry presence. You don't love Stolas because, when you're with him, you just feel inadequate—broken— wrong . A shell that pretends to be empty, but that is full of all this pain it can't contain, a spiralling hurricane of grief and loneliness and self-loathing that's constantly threatening to burst, to spill, to hurt, to burn.

You don't love Stolas because you can't. Not again. The mere notion makes you cower. To open your heart up to someone like that again, knowing the pain that will inevitably follow—it's more than you can bear. It's easier to live just on the edge of something real, to be a shadow, a play of light. It's easier when every single crack in your shell can be brushed off with a joke. It's easier to be the person who doesn't care, who's always right, always loud and obnoxious, always one step ahead, always in control.

No, you don't love Stolas. You don't, because the Blitzo who was strong enough to love died a long time ago, and you, Blitzø, can't go through that again. 

You're not strong enough to face what loving Stolas might do to you. 

You can't love him. 

You can't love him. You can't. 

And yet. 

And yet, despite it all… 

You unlock your phone once more, and there it is again. Staring back at you, bright as day, the evidence too clear to deny.

You...

Oh, Satan.

You love him. 

[imbecominggayer]

How To Write Characters With Addiction

From @differentnighttale: "I am curious if you give advice about writing people with addictions for example substance. I have reasons my male MC does it. But how can I describe the addictions the MC has correctly."

In this post we are going to be talking about addiction! From alcoholism, substance abuse, nymphomania, to everything else that can be a possible addiction. This post will be all about making this realistic and complex :)

A) What Are The Benefits?, Make It Convincing

Grab a fucking piece of paper or whatever you have and just write a paragraph from your addict's perspective on the situation. Omit the bad stuff. Make it highly convincing. if you aren't thinking "hmm, understandable" after you've written and read it, you did it wrong.

What do they get out of it?

Why did they like it at first?

Are they calmer, more intensely concentrated, does it take the edge off?

Are they more confident?

Does it ease the sense of being fundamentally wrong or dull some other pain?

Is it fun to do something rebellious?

What made them like this thing so much they tried it again, and again, and again?

B) Think About The Consequences, And Ignore It

Oftentime, at least in my experience, people will continue with a bad habit if it means they don't have to be the one to think about the consequences.

The Consequences For Addiction Include:

Financial. Depending on what your character uses to get their fix and how much they use, they might be spending hundreds a week if they are a particularly aggressive user. People often steal money from their loved ones. Addiction also tends to get people fired. Write a scene where your drunk character gets fired for operating machinery. Have them be a burdenous sponge.

Social. It's common for addicts to lose their loved ones since it often gets to a point where it's impossible to care about these people despite how much you love them. Make love ones leave your character! And don't blame them

Physical. STDs, Overdose, Liver Failure, and a shit ton of other issues from the chronic to the fatal either cause, exacerbate, or are linked with addiction. Recovery can't automatically save your character so don't write that story.

Psychological. Being an addict isn't fun since you get to struggle with points 1, 2, and 3 all at the same time! Write about your character issues. Their lack of control. Their spiralling life.

Write all about your character's suffering. And then have them justify it. Make it convincing.

They need it. It's not their fault that this is the only that helps them! Everyone just doesn't get it. I'm trying to work on it, OK?! It'll all work out! They know that it's wrong but...

My most hated shit is when a character's arc is easy. They struggle with some things like a big dramatic argument with their wife, they cry a bit, and then they learn that "drugs are bad" so everything is fine :D

NO!!! Why don't you write about a friendship that doesn't get mended? A chronic illness they now have to pay huge medicine bills for? A fucked-up rap sheet that they can't escape?

And it's not because we want to punich addicts. It's because it doesn't matter if you care about addicts if you don't care about the messy shit!

It's easy to sympathize with an addict if you make them the most innocent victim who never hurts someone intentionally and who gets rid of the addiction in a second and never struggles with it ever again!

Do the hard shit. Make your readers sympathize with the unsympathetic asshole addict! Addicts aren't always good people! They can be dickbags. And they still deserve resources. Life isn't some kind of karma game where dickbags suffer and good people rise! Everyone deserves to not suffer!

Addiction is ultimately a disease. But it's a disease that can make someone you love into an absolutely unlikeable person. And this is coming from someone with an alcoholic dad <3 He does good things and bad things. I can sympathise with my dad and not let him walk all over me.

C) Withdrawal Is Leaving An Ex, Relapse Is Returning

Addiction is a motherfucker trying to leave. It's basically the equivalent of a clingy ex who keeps contacting you, asking for just one conversation, and the moment you so much as acknowledge them you are fucked.

And suffering the brunt of a clingy ex who won't take the hint tends to cause the same symptoms as withdrawal!

Obviously, withdrawal symptoms depend on what type of ex you have and what age you are and yada yada yada. Research for specificity :)

Withdrawal symptoms can include:

Headaches

Insomnia

Fatigue

Hallucinations

Seizures

Tremors

Cravings

etc.

BE AWARE: Relapses are when someone returns back to their drug if they were going cold turkey or going back to their original dose. Relapses can sometimes result in an overdose due to the fact that the brain has been weened off the substance and is now overwhelmed by the high dose.

Relapses often happen when a person makes the deliberate choice in order to stop these fucking nightmarish symptoms. To use the analogy of a clingy ex, you start talking to them in order to tell them to stop contacting.

Relapses can also happen through being in a setting where the behaviors associated with the addiction such as sex, gambling, drinking, substance use, and all manner of things are normalized.

This setting could be a party, a bar, or even a friend group.

Relapse is made more likely if someone is self-detoxing away from a support group or a doctor.

Writing about withdrawal and relapses are an important part in making a story feel more authentic. Just like with mental illness, people rarely learn the lesson and follow it perfectly. They make mistakes. Slip back into old habits. Do shitty things.

We aren't writing their suffering to punish them. We are doing it because you can't say you care if all you are willing to do is look at the easy parts.

D) Little Tidbits To Keep Track Off

This is the miscellanious things that didn't fit into their own boxes.

Friends!

Do they have friends who also have their addiction? How do they hang out? What are they like? How are their substance using friends different from their non-addict ones?

Slang!

Don't just look up slang for your substance of choice. You'll need to look at some first-hand accounts of addiction. Find an influence who has struggled with substance abuse in the past and see how they talk about it!

Variables!

Remember to keep their geographical location, socioeconomic status, time, and a host of other factors. If your character is a penniless alcoholic then it's unlikely they'll get their hands on some type of expensive gin. They'll probably use rubbing alcohol. Keep the price of your drug in mind.

A character's status will also impact their slang. No one unironically says doobie anymore.

A character's location will also impact how they get their shit and how other characters will react to that addiction.

A character's financial status also impacts how the consequences of their actions impact them. A low-income character wont be able to afford the same medication as a rich addict. They also won't have the same luxury for quality therapy, rehab, programs, time, anything really.

Look At The Addict And The Loved Ones

Try not the skew the reality of addiction to paint the addict as the victim and the loved ones as evil for not being forgiving and tolerant enough.

Keep sympathy for both the addict and the loved ones. Or drop sympathy for both of those characters.

E) RESOURCES

FDA and DEA online databases and drug resources

Social Networking Groups

Medical Journals

Local medical professionals, police, and medical examiners

The US national poison center

[mamawasatesttube]

I feel so shy not being able to hide in the anon asks but for the sake of desperation I'll ask anyway.

First of all I must say that I love the way you express yourself, because even though you are against some things, or at least you don't like them. You express it so well and so respectful that's addicting.

Anyway the questions were what you thought about Tim+Kon+Bernard, because I've seen a lot of people talking about it but I don't know if it makes much sense if you think of their relationship.

Also if you had some songs that reminded you of Kon I'd love the recs! Because I'm still a newbie in the whole DC comics, but I've been having a Kon brain rot for a while.

Sorry if I don't express myself correctly, English isn't my first language. If any of this makes you uncomfy please feel free of ignoring me and I hope you have plenty of good days!!💕💕 Be careful to not catch a cold

aww thank you that's very sweet of you to say!!! :D i do love to simply start talking and rambling all the time. one of my top skills. (and yeah i turned off anon asks a while ago because unfortunately talking about racism in fandom often gets you labelled a bitch with a terrible personality 😔✊ alas!)

as for tim/kon/bernard ... i really, really dislike that ship. it takes everything i already strongly dislike about tim/ber (tim drake: robin is the worst comic i've ever read, and i'm including jeph loeb's supergirl when i say this), and multiplies it by a factor of about 500.

my biggest problem with tim/ber is that megfitz wrote them with absolutely no actual chemistry. there is nothing in the text to tell me why they actually like each other. there is nothing in the text that tells me what the issues in their relationship are, or how they might grow together as people, or anything. which is absolutely insane because you'd think "bernard knows tim's secret identity, but has not told tim that he knows" would be a MAJOR point of conflict, but instead it's just completely glossed over to the point of the comic asking us to accept that the bats would ever allow a mob of random civilians on a mission with them. there's stretching suspension of disbelief, and then there's putting suspension of disbelief on the medieval torture rack and tearing it apart. like. come ON. (tdr is also like. teehee gentrification but its cute? which is insane to me in a different way. its just. its so bad. its such a bad comic.)

so adding kon to that mix kind of gives me hives because a) we have all of my issues with tdr being incredibly inconsistent, both internally and with all existing tim characterization ever, and b) it brings up all of my issues with how kon has been written since yj2019. which i could get into Yet Again but in the interests of being at least a little bit concise, it's also incredibly inconsistent and drives me bonkers. so the concept of this ship just makes me go "why the FUCK" because i just truly genuinely cannot fathom why kon and bernard would ever give a shit about each other. i can barely even fathom why tim and bernard give a shit about each other because megfitz did the comic script equivalent of picking up two barbie dolls and mashing them together and going LOOK THEYRE IN LOVE. they have no consistent characterization under her pen.

so adding kon into that just makes me want to tear my hair out a little bit because. like. to be entirely honest i don't know how some random dude from one of tim's many high schools who tim was friendly with, sure, but not particularly close with, can hold a candle to Whatever The Fuck Tim And Kon Have Going On. especially with how flat their relationship reads to me in tdr (what do they even like about each other??? why is bernard in fucking biophysics or whatever while wanting to be a chef??? why does tim not go "you know culinary school exists right??" when he finds out??? how am i supposed to believe that tim "duty" drake would ever leave people in a burning building just for his sad boyfriend??? that batman and co would ever let a bunch of civilians fight alongside them - or for that matter, that they'd need bernard to tell them tim's in trouble?? what the fuck alternate dimension are they from where any of this makes sense???). tim/ber just is such a nothing ship to me that adding kon to it is just like. EXTREME nothing. to me tim/ber/kon is basically a flag that says "i don't care about characterization" and it's just so very deeply NOT my thing at all whatsoever.

...which is why to ME tim's first boyfriend is ives, not bernard, and in this essay i will--

ahem. anyways!! re: kon songs, oh man i have a lot. i have a whole playlist even. with a linked document to explain every song choice. i also lately have been thinking about making a second playlist for all the songs that didn't make it onto the first one!! much to consider.

also don't worry your english is totally fine ♥ and it's very sweet of you to wish me well healthwise and also a little funny because actually i am just getting over a cold that had me sniffly and miserable most of last week. but i'm much better tonight so yippee!! thank you again :D

[exhaslo]

Idk if you have any interest in writing for any characters that aren't Miguel, but would you ever consider writing for Gabriel O'Hara? Either normal or as Green Goblin?

In terms of the Spider-Verse, noooooot really? But if someone requests a certain character I will do my best to write it.

Now for other series, oho, I got a list of characters I would die writing for! But, that will be after my hiatus (cuz Bleach is coming back and GRIMMJOW SHALL RISE!!!)

Warning: None, just fluff

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another day of unrecognized heroism.

At least to Gabriel, that's how it felt. Every day was a constant reminder that his ex preferred his brother as Spider-Man. Every day was a constant reminder that Gabriel returned to a lonely apartment, only to feel better after saving the day in Cyberspace.

But he shouldn't or his mother would get worried about him being addicted again. Gabriel did not want to be 'saved' by Miguel again after the last time.

All Gabriel wanted to do was feel heroic too.

'Wow! Thanks a bunch for getting me out of that mess!'

Gabriel's eyes widen as he stared at you. You were in a cute, cybernetic form and your speech was almost robotic. Your style was unique and quite different than what he was used too in Cyberspace.

"You're welcome...You need to be more careful with those crooks," Gabriel warned you.

Gabriel was a hero in the Cyberspace known as Firelight. He usually messed with a group called Discord, which prayed on poor individuals in the online world.

"Thought I was, but shit happens. Just wanted to cause a little bit of trouble, hehe."

"Trouble is what I'm supposed to do. Why don't you log off, it isn't safe to stay on here for too long." Gabriel said with a soft sigh. You crossed your arms,

"And do what. There isn't much for me in the real world,"

Gabriel felt sympathy for you. He started to type something and sent it to you. Your messages popped up with a 'ding', causing you to look at what was sent.

"Huh?"

"Whenever you want to talk or hang out. Just give me a shout. I don't mind." Gabriel said with a wide smile.

"Thanks."

--------

Gabriel didn't really think too much about the offer he gave you. He was always a kind soul, so the thought of helping someone was instinct. Gabriel was surprised when you actually messaged him to chat.

That was how everything started. Gabriel couldn't help but smile whenever you would message him or ask to hang out in Cyberspace. He couldn't help but use you as a distraction for himself as well.

Within time, Gabriel had started to like you. He couldn't wait for your messages. Your adventures in Cyberspace were sometimes just silly and fun.

"Hey, mind if I ask for your name? I know we really shouldn't in the Cyberspace....But I'd like to call you a friend."

"Hm, I'd like that too. How about this. Why don't we spare phone numbers, that way we can chat about more personal information like our names." Gabriel offered. You were hesitant at first, but agreed,

"Okay. Thanks, Firelight...for being my friend."

"Of course."

-------

Gabriel felt like his head was over the moon and his heart had landed in the stars. The two of you had started to text instead of visiting the Cyberspace. Gabriel finally convinced you about the dangers of staying online, and you listened.

It wasn't hard for Gabriel to admit that he was in love. Miguel called him silly for falling for someone he hadn't physically met yet. But hell, it was 2099! No one knew anything about anyone.

Gabriel knew that you were nervous. It took weeks of texting before you started to open up about your life with him. Gabriel was just happy that you even shared anything at all.

It took some time, but Gabriel asked to meet you in person.

You hesitantly agreed.

-------

Gabriel was waiting at a local coffee shop in downtown Nueva York. He found it more peaceful for you to meet him there since uptown was so snobby. Honestly, Gabriel had no idea how his brother, Miguel, does it.

Speaking of his brother, Gabriel couldn't help but notice the brute hovering over a nearby building as Spider-Man.

"And yet he says he doesn't care," Gabriel resisted a chuckle. Feeling his phone buzz, Gabriel checked his messages.

'I'm here, but just give me a minute. I'm really nervous...Can you stand or something so I know where you are? Or even who you are?'

Gabriel just smiled as he stood from his seat. He stood there for a few minutes before hearing you clear your throat behind him.

"G-Gabriel?"

"(Y/N)?"

Gabriel slowly turned around to face you. Your voice was low and he could hear your nervousness. Turning to finally face you, Gabriel's eyes widen as he smiled brightly.

"You're more beautiful than I ever imagined."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hehe, thought it would be cute to leave things off with the meeting. Leave the rest of the interaction up to your imagination! Haha

Hope you enjoyed!!!

[new-tella-us]

I feel like answering this tonight.

Or at least one of each category.

But as two character. Mika (because she's sort of an oc?) and Damien (because he's my boy)

Wrath- Has their anger made them hurt someone before? Short answer, yes. Long one:

For Mika, that would be the time she absolutely BODIED Lisette. She's also pushed Suzu down before when they were in middle school. She's still embarrassed about that.

For Damien, Malix obviously plus that one pig faun that I'm convinced he was going to kill if his mom didn't pop up to kill him.

Pride- What are they the most proud of and are they desperate to get attention for it?

Mika holds a lot of pride in her family and while she actually tries to avoid the attention being the granddaughter of Harold gives her, she will fight you if you start talking shit. Yes, including about David.

Damien doesn't hold much pride of himself but he does use being the son of the Demon Lord to demand respect from those who try to disrespect him.

Gluttony- What can they not get enough of? What might keep them from getting more?

Mika is coffee. Girl is addicted. A total "Don't talk to me until I have my coffee" person. The things that might keep her from getting it are the boys. They are concerned with her coffee intake.

Damien is sleep. Demons don't sleep and he was not usually allowed to rest so being able to turn off his brain and his mind reading makes sleep a genuine pass time. Speaking of, as per usual, his mind reading is what prevents him from getting more. It's hard to sleep when you're hearing someone's thoughts.

Greed- What do they want most in the world? How far would they go to obtain it? How desperately do they cling to it?

Mika isn't a greedy person but he holds onto the words of others a lot. Arguably too much. She wants to believe that the people that call her friend and love actually care so she clings onto their compliments and words. Though that dark part of her brain makes he unwilling to fight to obtain those words as it tells her that they're all lying.

What Damien wants most in the world is Mika. (or Twila on other routes) He never needed to "obtain" Mika, they just mutually fell in love however, he desperately clings to her to an unhealthy degree. He's willing to travel miles and hurt anyone to keep her safe. It's his moral compass and a lack of confidence that separates him from his far darker timeline of locking her and his brothers in the mansions to keep them "safe". Though with everything he's been through, his moral compass doesn't always work right.

Sloth- How do they act when they're tired? Are they a morning person?

Mika acts kinda grumpy when tired, a little quicker to sass. Also she's sort of a morning person? In the sense that she often wakes up early and either can't go back to sleep or feels too guilty about "wasting the day away".

Damien just acts slower when tired. He might take a while to process your words or have longer pauses before speaking. Though he also doesn't get tired easily seeing how much he sleeps and just his species. No he is not a morning person at all.

Envy- What do they want that someone else has? Would they go to extremes to get it?

Mika wants the peace that it seems others just have. She doesn't understand why she's so naturally unhappy. She also wants the family that others seem born with. She loves her parents but they weren't always there when she needed them. She wouldn't go to extremes for either of these wants. They're more passive wishes.

Damien wants to be human like the people around him. He sees them in an ideal light and things his life would be better if he could just get that. And extremes.... Does considering sleeping with Diana for it count as an extreme? He also envies the connections humans possess and in his darkest routes he is willing to, again, lock his family in the mansion or turn his brothers into spiritual orbs to have and keep these connections.

Lust- How would they react to sexual tension? Are they a top or bottom?

Mika reacts by either blushing up a storm or flirting back. It really depends on if she has a comeback or not. If the tension is particularly high, she's often willing to give in to whatever the night may hold. (which is usually pound town) Also she is like 70% a bottom.

Damien doesn't seem to blush much (that's more if he's caught really off guard, which is hard to do), he's more the accidental causer of sexual tension. Though when he does experience the lower end of it, he might smile. On the higher end though, he would have a hard time resisting that urge to feed, it would show in the specks of gold that would flash in his eyes. Also he is 70% a top.

[bloodpen-to-paper]

PSA regarding cultural exchange and internet culture. Its a rant but its something that needs to be said

I'm already seeing the Qsmp admins calling for understanding and patience with the announcement of the Korean CCs that will be joining, and it frustrates the hell out of me that any of it needs to be said because people on the internet are so poisoned by cancel culture that this opportunity to engage with Korean culture is beginning with stress.

Its an issue that extends far past this server unfortunately, the modern standard for morality on the internet is insanely unrealistic and honestly very anti-human. So many people, most people actually, do problematic things in life and make mistakes, which is completely normal. Its how we are and how we're supposed to be, its how we learn and grow. But having someone get dogpiled/harassed online and potentially even risk losing a career for saying or doing something vaguely problematic that they should be encouraged to learn from is so incredibly harmful and makes the online place more toxic than communal.

There's a legitimate line to draw between something we should encourage someone to reflect upon and a genuinely irredeemable act, and if you can't tell the difference you then shouldn't be speaking about it online. To all the people who dramatize an easily fixable situation, you're part of the problem of people not knowing how the fuck to act when there's miscommunication, differences of opinion or people doing/having done something problematic but not ill-intentioned. Genuinely good people are being either pressured off the online space or terrified to ever make a mistake because people who don't touch enough goddamn grass are so drama-addicted that they make a situation negative when it literally never needed to be. You're toxic and you're making everyone else toxic, the problem is not the person who accidentally said something offensive in ignorance but is willing to learn from that, nor the person who misunderstood a situation and could be convinced to reflect on their actions, the problem is you, adding unnecessary fuel to the fire and blowing shit out of proportion when it could be resolved so much easier. If you're someone who does this, I hate to sound like a boomer but holy shit you should be ashamed of yourself. There's enough bad in the world as is, stop posting and do better.

And here's the funny part, and I don't care how many people this pisses off: current online cancel culture is xenophobic as fuck. People in different cultures have different ways of life, and though that doesn't necessarily excuse some of what goes on in other nations, the current standard for "dealing" with culture clashing takes no account to how someone's culture can make them act differently than you, and they shouldn't be demonized for it even if some of what they do isn't the best. People from multi-ethnic backgrounds, especially children of immigrants, understand that some of our parents say the most cancellable shit imaginable but are still good people at heart. Strangers online wouldn't understand that at all, and their need to complain about everything online with such hostility and lack of nuance would and is doing the exact opposite of what it should be doing; instead of getting people to see different perspectives and learn why their behavior can be harmful to others, thus encouraging them to do better, online witch hunting either drives them away from wanting to interact with anyone, and/or actively pushes them further down problematic avenues where they aren't demonized for harmful behavior.

I am so sick and tired of everything thinking cancel culture is normal, because it is so incredibly not. Its exhausting seeing the same thing play out over and over as someone who's actually interacted with people of different ages, gender and ethnicities, and who knows what these people are like in their hearts, while also knowing the internet would eat them alive without a second thought to who they are or why they act the way they do.

People say and do problematic things, it doesn't mean they're bad people. It means they're human. I encourage everyone to remember that.

[chaifootsteps]

Okay, so jumping here. I've been thinking and imo the 'Lilith' is Eve in disguise and Rosie is Lilith theory still holds true. This is brought to you by me going "We know Viv is a shitty writer, so from the writing already available, where would she lead the plot NOW?" and by my tinfoil hat.

We know Lilith is somewhere in Heaven (maybe even in Eden itself). Unless she pulls the weirdest explanation out of her hat for why she took a small vacay for 7 YEARS abandoning her daughter (with whom we know she had a good relationship with, IF that part of the pilot is still true. She never stopped to explain what parts of the pilot are still true, ffs.), Lilith would never. I don't even think she:

1) Would be allowed in Heaven, even by making a deal with Adam.

2) Adam's pride is too big for him to simply accept such a deal and Lilith's pride would be equally big imo. This interaction would never work.

So that has to be Eve. And Adam *has* to know that that's Eve. Or he doesn't, idc. Point is, it's far more likely by normal logic for that to be Eve. By Viv logic...? Not so much.

Which brings me to my second point! Rosie and her character. I did kind of feel the Mary Poppins vibes a bit, ngl. Horrible redesign, but oh well... The way she reacted to Charlie, her going "yeah, singing totes works here, in the *cannibal* colony!" and her giving that love advice + "we all did things we aren't proud of" + the fact that she's a "hellborn"? She has to be Lilith, sorry. Also also I feel like cannibalism isn't even such a big deal??? In the show I mean. It's literally so cartoonish it simply becomes a hellish quirk for some inhabitants. Sure Alastor, you're a cannibal, boo-hoo. I don't feel threatened by any of them, is what I mean. And even irl, I feel like yeah, it's gross and most likely getting yourself sick, but what makes cannibalism truly bad is the act of *killing* that person, ye know? In Viv's Hell that can't even happen, they'll just respawn, no problem.

And my final reason issss: Viv just ran so fast past 4 seasons worth of plot that imo she backed herself info a corner. The only things keeping the plot going are...Alastor's deal and who he made it with. It's probably Roo or Eve (or Lilith if Rosie is just Rosie), but I have a feeling like it can't be so simple with her, she has to pull a super complicated sayan explanation to make it seem like she just had us all guessing the wrong things, she's suuuuch a literary genius. And she loves musicals a bit too much (Adam is literally just Beetlejuice minus everything interesting about him), so pulling a Sweeney Todd sounds very in-character for her.

Now, speaking of Alastor....I haaaate how she destroyed his character with all the swearing and the petty edgelord-ness. She's not smart enough to write a smart chaotic presence/maybe potential villain. There, I said it. She should open a psychology book or some shit (she should've hired psychologists to coach her about writing about topics such as SA, addiction, sadistic/criminal personalities and so on, but we know she never put such thought into her work). Or at least a sensibility reader for her plot, smh. The overall tone of the show is jumping around faster than a bunny on electrolytes.

And as always, Alastor and Rosie have more chemistry than Charlie and Vaggie literally the "main" couple. They seem like a 30s married couple, tbh.

Also also super confused about Alastor's microphone and how she can hand it over to Charlie??? Why would he do that??? Are we supposed to understand he now cares about her? Handling his (presumably from the Adam fight) source of power to her just like that?? TWICE?!?

I understand his final lyrics are supposed to be "holy shit, I almost died for these people, what is wrong with me???" in a nutshell (+ that part about the contract), but we were never SHOWN how he became more attached to them??? We just have to believe him based on the talks with Rosie and Niffty respectively. What a joke. (Niffty got partially restored in my brain, at least).

-idk, Broadcast🎭 anon- (I know I DMed u, but yea)

Honestly? Even if this leak never comes true the way Viv planned it back then, I for one am having a great time speculating.

[luvtonique]

I got a neighbor named David.

A year ago he got diagnosed with terminal cancer, and his doctor asked if he wanted to know how long he's got left. He said no.

I wanna tell you a bit about David.

This guy's never owned a TV, a radio, a computer or a smart phone. He's never used the internet, never listened to media, every single thing he knows about current events or politics he knows from just looking around him at the place he lives.

David's the most chill motherfucker I've ever met in my entire life, and he's unbelievably friendly. Every time I see him, without fail, he asks how my art's doing, what I've been up to, how I'm doing trying to raise money to get out of Cali.

He's 65, he's lived here his whole life, same house, and he tells me all about how California was when he was younger, and how much it's changed in his lifetime. He talks about how when he was in his 30s, this place was a bit of a shanty town but people were nice, people cared about each other, everyone was friends, everyone would hang out and shoot bottles in front of their house and have bbqs and drink beer.

And now, people are afraid to go outside. There's drug addicts everywhere, rabid dogs roaming around, tweakers having freakouts in the streets, everything has just completely gone to hell and it's very clear our state government is more concerned with blaming us for our own misfortune instead of taking responsibility for the deterioration of this entire state on a political level.

When I told David I was saving up to leave California, he was super happy for me, and said that there's nothing here worth staying for, and that resonated with me really well.

This is a man who's terminal, he's going to die and has no idea when it's going to happen, and he is completely content with that. When he said to me "There's nothing here worth staying for" it struck me as philosophical. He doesn't wanna leave, this is where he's lived his entire life, there's no point for him to go anywhere. But he also doesn't want to stay here. He's at a point where he just plain does not want to be here, and understands and empathizes with me 100% that I don't want to be here either.

I don't know if I can properly convey this, but I can't stress enough how awful the state of California truly is.

If I don't get this debt paid off and get my ass the fuck out of here, I'll die here, and unlike David I will not die with fond memories of this place because my entire life here has been hell.

I'm glad that he's at peace with the life he's lived and the memories he has, and I strive to one day be that peaceful in my own mind and the comfort of the place I live in.

But right now, it's just impossible for me to live like this.

From having my debt constantly getting bigger, to having disabilities that the state keeps telling me I'm lying about, to being surrounded by drug dealers and drug addicts and homeless people shitting in the streets, to having every penny I earn with art instantly vanish because of the unfathomable cost of food, to having people on the internet so fucking blinded by the lies of these politicians that they argue with me, a person living in the cesspool that is California, that I'm "Reading into conspiracy theories" and that "California isn't that bad."

I could go on but I'm getting tired of making textwalls.

David, I strive to one day be as big a badass as you.

And I hope that in time I can chill and live comfortably and work on my passions and my dreams.

Love you all, thanks for reading.

[necroromantics]

Regarding being "cancelled"

Im not gonna address this further unless anyone needs clarification or something cuz its just drama with random ass kids who I'm not interested in interacting with

Some people dug up a fuck ton of old screenshots of shit I said in my server a year ago. Not gonna deny saying any of that, cuz I did say it, and I've said worse, and if you've talked to me at all I am always very open about this stuff.

In the screenshots I made jokes about disabled people and said I don't care if someone is a Nazi, because at the time my server had like no rules, everything was free reign (which is now changed). This is because I did not care if someone was disabled or a Nazi. It kinda comes hand in hand with ASPD, not caring unless it directly effects you. This does not mean I condone or support the things I joked about*

If you don't know what ASPD is, it's antisocial personality disorder, its characterized by "disregard for peoples rights and feelings". The reason I was even diagnosed in the first place was because I fit the criteria of crossing moral boundaries, disregarding peoples feelings, and not fitting into social norms. I was VERY bad with that in the past, especially a year ago when I was 18 years old, very deep in drug addiction, and didn't have the support system I have now.

If you want to judge me based on my past mistakes and actions, I can't control you. I don't expect anyone to like me, but I do care to get my side out too. I post here because I have fun, not because I care what people think. And if you judge me from shit I said as a drug addicted horribly mentally ill 18 yr old, then that isn't my problem.

Love the label, hate the symptoms yeah?

I don't like apologizing for things I'm not actually sorry for so this isn't an apology. I know I've said a lot of jarring and rude and fucked up things in the past, but if you know me at all then you know it never came from a place of hatred. To me, as someone with ASPD, its about proving that things like societal rules and norms aren't going to be another thing that controls you, so you just ignore them completely. This is what makes it a disorder. Cuz it's irrational and dysfunctional and causes problems like this

Also they vaguely mentioned me abusing someone who's borderline which is ??? because all the relationships with borderlines Ive been in had been very unhealthy on both sides. My mom has BPD so I know how to help those with BPD and Ive always tried my best to cater to BPDers symptoms and issues, even in the relationships where their condition got too much for me.

But yeah, I made mistakes in the past, and I'm not that person anymore, or at least I try hard not to be. I've been sober for almost a year, I have amazing friends and a good support system, I'm on medication for my bipolar disorder. Judge me from the past, but anyone who talks to me now knows that I work very hard to get over those mindsets and habits. To me, thats all that matters.

Edit: Not blaming my disorder, its just easier to explain. I'm taking full blame for what I said in the past, and I acknowledge that it was morally wrong. I said what I said. These people have been absolutely hellbent on being on my ass for months now when all I want to do is just chill out, get better, and live life. Theyre gonna keep complaining about everything I do, and I don't care to make any more edits, just wanted to clarify that Im not making excuses. Also I don't support Nazi's, I just made jokes about it. Anyone who knows me knows Im very against that shit

(I dont mean to sound callous or whatever, I just woke up to this and wanted to quickly clear shit up before it all blows out of proportion)

[friendsdontlieokay]

Apparently Jonathan's character has degraded in the latest season and "he's become worse than ever", now a lot of ppl are against that, and so am I, Jonathan Byers, bad? Jonathan Byers, worse? These words don't compliment each other even at the least.

But despite being a Jonboy defender and stan, I gotta admit that his personality has in fact degraded, and a lot of ppl say that his character was poorly written and that's why he became the way he did.

I don't think that's the case though, I think it's realistic and it was bound to happen, I mean just imagine having an abusive father, having to take care of your brother (he loves to do that, don't get me wrong), saving your brother from your father, taking care of your whole family, being the "man" of the family ever since you're a literal kid, being the "town freak" with absolutely no friends but your little brother and even he goes missing and you blame yourself for that, you see your mother going absolutely crazy over it and you see your brother being dead, and your mother going crazier and crazier and when you do get some news about your brother, apparently he's in an alternate dimension and even when he gets rescued, nothing is the same ever since! You see your favorite person, your little brother, your kid, fading away and when things finally start to go normally, well let's just say it doesn't last for even a year and soon you have to move out of the life you have been used to since forever, the house, the town, the people and that only person who understood, the person who felt so close to home, the person who is the love of your life, you have to bid farewell to her too, and when you actually did move out and bid farewell you feel like you're not good enough for her? For your girlfriend, for your family or for no one? (He is the best for them in every way just so you know though), so you feel like you need to choose between either your family or the love of your life and meanwhile forget that you have the right to have a choice of your own and that isn't even the worst part, the worst part is that you think you're not good enough for your girlfriend because apparently you, who has taken every step to keep your family and brother safe, have raised your brother just like your own baby, and has made sure that he never feels left out and made sure that he feels loved at all time, are turning like that abusive jerk father of yours that didn't give a shit when your brother went missing and only came by for the money, you think you're turning like him which makes no sense at all but in that little depressed and anxious brain of yours it does, so you feel the need to be addicted and stoned and even when you feel like you're slipping away from everything and everyone, especially your little brother, you can't stop it because that's the only thing that helps you keep your mind off of life.

So yes, season 4 Jonathan isn't the best but that's 100% justified, however no matter how stoned or out of touch he has become, he's still Jonathan Byers at the core and hopefully s5 is gonna prove that too.

[fangbangerghoul]

Ao3 Masterlist

ALL OF MY FICTIONS: MDNI, 18+

Starfield Tales

Updated: 04/24/24 Word Count: 155,010

Ghoul series:

1. Neon City Delights (completed) TW: Drug use, SA, Cannon Violence

Walter Stroud has finally decided to talk to you (Main character) like you are a person at Constellation. So, to prove to yourself and the companion the association has assigned to you as of late, Sam Coe, you now get to walk the streets of your hometown to complete a mission with your lead. What happens at the Astral Lounge doesn't need to be told, right?

2. Settling with the Stars (completed) TW: Cannon Violence, Alcohol

Being grounded to a planet is worse when you know you could be out doing something better with your time. Sarah Morgan wants our main character to lay low while others have been out doing quests of their own. How has our main character been settling with their down time since their near-death experience at Neon City?

3. Fleeting Pleasures (completed) <Masterpost> TW: Violence, Murder, Addiction, CNC

Our characters Crimson Fleet Arc. After going undercover our main character now has to balance who they are versus who they have to be and the line starts to blur. (Sam Coe x MC x Delgado)

4. Cellar Door (on hiatus) TW: Grief, Isolation, SA

"This famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history, 'cellar door' is the most beautiful." - Karen Pomeroy from Donnie Darko

To discover the unknowns of time, space and the grand universe like a true adventurer was everything to the Constellation members but at what cost? In this small epic discover what eternity really means with our main character.

5. Heavy Metal Lover (in progress) (Fic Masterpost) Tw: cannon violence

Ghoul and Delgado are back! Ghoul is stealthy, aggressive, indulgent, and stubborn as hell. Delgado is rough, creative, intimidating, and a manipulative Crimson Fleet leader. These chapters will be windows into Ghoul's Crimson Fleet life if the ending of Fleeting Pleasures never happened.

This takes place separately from Fleeting Pleasures in a universe where Ghoul finds her footing within the Crimson Fleet. This AU is a year after Ghoul joining the Fleet and the Constellation and Sysdef foregoing any hold they felt they had on her.

Starfield Shorts

Offbeats/One Shot's:

Capacity Limit (Sam Coe x fem!reader) TW: Bondage, Cannon Violence

Reader and Sam Coe are on a mission to eliminate Spacers and Reader keeps picking up too much shit.

Tear You Apart (Pirate Sam Coe x fem!reader) TW: CNC, Facefucking, bondage, light forced voyeurism, it's very explicit and it's a pirate being a pirate so just be wary. This isn't your Sam Coe from Kansas anymore.

You are now Starborn in search for the remnants of what you have left behind in your new current universe. You rush to be reunited with a new version of those you cared deeply but things go awry.

soft leather and spurs (softdom!Sam x fem!reader) Tw: praise kink, soft breeding kink, language?

You are leaving the bar for the night after playing a game of let's meet like strangers with your favorite cowboy.

Bonus Stories:

Ghoul Adventures (Halloweenedition, in progress)

This Halloween edition of Starfield tales takes our Main Character and some of the crew of Constellation on a spelunking adventure in search of what is causing all of the spooky rumors at the local citizen outpost.

Ghoul Files (a miniseries in progress) TW: Smut (I honestly don't think I have anything too hardcore in this series to tag, I will update if that changes)

This is the start of entries from Ghoul's life. Not all entries will be cannon to the current series. These entries are also little tidbits to hold you over in between chapters and series! Some will be Crimson Fleet oriented; some will be regular Ghoul activities!

Ghoul's Time at Sandrock

Short 1000 words or less chapters:

That Damn Rock (completed) fem!builder x Owen Tw: Fluff, slice of life, maybe a smooch

Builder, Ghoul is struggling with gathering materials.

What Did I Get Myself Into? (completed) fem!builder x Owen TW: Fluff, slice of life, fun stuff

Builder Ghoul tries to socialize like a normal Sandrockian.

Baldur's Gatekeep, Gaslight, Gouge Eyes 3

Collection of BG3 inspired Fics:

Thorny Feelings (completed) OC Ghoul x Bearlytolerable's OC Valentine Blanche TW: smut, anal, cunnilingus, light bdsm, magic

Valentine follows his dear friend Ghoul out into the woods away from the camp of companions they've been traveling with in Faerun.

100 Followers Celebration - Bloodweave (completed) Gale x Astarion Tw: fluff, hurt/comfort kind of

While the party is taking a short rest; Astarion and Gale strike up a conversation.

100 Followers Celebration - Calm Nights (completed) Halsin x Astarion x Ghoul Tw: bathtub, relaxation

Halsin, Astarion, and Ghoul finally settle for the night into a paid room for the night after long voyaging.

Bonus Posts

Masterpost Character Editions:

Sam Coe: Collection of oneshots and features Sam Coe from Starfield

Delgado: Collection of fics featuring Delgado from Starfield

Owen: Collection of fic that features Owen from MTAS

[toomanyideasandfandoms]

I've been reading some of the Death Seeker Creator content, and was wondering what exactly was the appeal for them? Even if their sanity is fractured, the desire to live would be an instinctual drive for the Creator to avoid it. Then I realized: when a person is in a life or death situation, the body releases a shit-ton of chemicals into the nervous system due to the fight-or-flight response. Adrenaline, cortisol, all that junk is being flooded into the Creators system each time right before they die.

Could they have become addicted to the feeling? Is the Death Seeking Creator now the equivalent of an adrenaline junkie going to mad lengths to get their fix?

That essentially is the answer anon, relatively speaking. It's hard to fully explain it without getting into why I written this au and why (I assume) others enjoy it just as much.

The fact of the matter is, most aus I've seen, while beautifully written and amazing to read, don't really take their writing to a certain point. Like you said the will to live is instinctual, but that will can be broken. I wanted a creator that had that will broken, just at the point of no return in terms of their mental sanity.

While I know I've said there is potential healing from that state, I don't really like or want to focus on it. That part is more so for those who want a happy ending for this au.

But what I enjoy is the pure angst and horror the characters will go through, seeing the one thing they love the most and cherished to the point it was more of a cultish obsession than an actual religious faith wither into nothingness by their own hand. And my main reasons are because honestly, if I was in this sort of situation. I would be this creator. I wouldn't have that spiteful drive to live if every time I ran it only ended in another death.

Though in all likelihood, becoming a death seeking junkie would be spiteful in a way. The thought process would be "if I have to be the one who dies for the god's entertainment, I might as well make it more fun. More gruesome, more...entertaining."

I guess you could say this is just purely...whump? Is, is that the right term? I'm not familiar with it so idk please correct me. Either way this is just me wanting to take the cult side of the sagau to the next step where the characters actions have the worst case consequences. No world ending scenario, but they would prefer it to be that instead of seeing their beloved seek death before their eyes.

That's essentially my reasons, though for those reading please do not assume this means I'm mentally unwell. I am as sound as anyone else who enjoys these fics, I actively advise against getting deep into my au if you at all believe you're meant to die like this creator. You are not, your life is precious and should be taken care of with the utmost respect. Do not put those who love you into that same suffering the characters go through.

Honestly I don't even know if everything I written can fully explain the point of making and reading this au. I actually didn't expect it to pick up like it did, I was mainly dumping it for myself more than anything. I know not many like the more extreme cult aus, which is perfectly fine in all honesty. Even I want some more wholesome aus from time to time depending on my mood.

Sorry if this isn't exactly what you asked, I tend to not really focus on the logical side of things when it comes to fics and aus. I mainly just prefer to talk about ideas and potentially creative things then focus on the details such as the whys.