#I don't WANT to give myself shots?
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Lol am I real
#I fucking hate being sick sometimes.#It shouldn't be this difficult or expensive to just not die.#And since I know people who are more sick than I am and since I know that there are a lot of people who are worse off than me#I feel like a jerk for complaining#Sometimes I wonder if I made it all up.#But that can't be true?#I basically lived in the hospital?#I've gotten the whole “You don't look sick” stuff before.#But???#There's no way they're actually right??#I don't WANT to take all of this medicine?#I don't WANT to give myself shots?#I don't WANT to go to the hospital on the weekends?#or any other day?#I'm not having a GOOD time?#Why would I fake this?#This costs money?? Why would I wanna spend my money on medicine?? When I could be?? spending it on?? things that I want??#I'm tired
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When I started writing 'lessons in tea making', I set out to make it a longfic that following ATLA Book 2 and 3 in its entirety but now its been almost 5 years and I'm realising that I'm probably never going to get around to finishing this monster of a wip
HOWEVER, I do have around 15k of chapter 2 collecting dust in my google drive so.... what's everyone's opinion on authors uploading (signposted) unfinished chapters....
#i can admit that the plot at the end of book 2 spiraled entirely out of control#it's the wall i will never be able to scale and i need to admit defeat#i have some of chapter 2 written but i also don't want to ruin chapter 1 for everyone#so.. thoughts??#my posts#ficblogging#i'm usually strictly a one-shot writer#for a REASON#every time i get the urge to write longfic i have to remind myself that that's the devil talking#because the attempt will likely fail and kill me in the process#authors who effortlessly write 100k fics..... who did you sell your soul to and can you give me their number
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WTA 9 - 12 AS LYRICS FROM SONGS I HAVE SAVED [1 - 4] [5 - 8] [INSP]
MARIA SAKKARI [GRE] -> GAVE YOU EVERYTHING [THE INTERRUPTERS] JEĻENA OSTAPENKO [LAT] -> SO WHAT [P!NK] KAROLÍNA MUCHOVÁ [CZE] -> A BEGINNING SONG [THE DECEMBERISTS] DARIA KASATKINA [RUS] -> LIGHT MY LOVE [GRETA VAN FLEET]
#maria sakkari#jelena ostapenko#karolina muchova#daria kasatkina#wta tennis#penko's is a bit on the nose i will admit but i wanted to include the part of the chorus too#literally so what! she is a rock star! who gives a shit#also yes i did give karo my favorite song ever but in my defense it really does fit ok it does#i'm actually pretty pleased with all of these#i wanted maria's to include another verse line that i thought fit her really well but there wasn't space :(#and dasha's i was really proud of. i feel like verse chorus and hook all fit for different reasons#anyways. yeah#this is probably the last one i'm gonna do like this#i realize i sort of shot myself in the foot trying to do it with the rankings because it obviously is gonna change almost every week#and i can't keep up#and also i don't know all the players well enough outside of the top 12 or so to be able to do it accurately#that being said if you have a request for a player (with or without a song in mind) i could still give that a go!#cause thinking of these is really fun and i like the way most of them have come out#i will do atp players but fair warning i know way less about most of them lmfao#ALSO. yes i know these rankings are not official until monday. i don't care let me have this
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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤️
Hi @kasienda! Thanks for the ask! 🩷
True Blue - It's not even that close. This is my baby, the AU I've put the most effort into and gotten the best response to. I got to crank up Gabriel's villainy and then had to put myself in his shoes in order to get Marinette to join his side (even just for a while). It was a challenge (still is, since it's not finished yet) that I really enjoyed, and I've loved the comments I've gotten on it! I really adore it when I can know that I'm not the only one who loves my fics, and this is one of the fics that allows me that security.
it's them (again) - Recency bias, partially! The idea for this fic was just so fun to work with, and it required more thought than your average AU since it doesn't really intersect with canon at all. I had to create a whole new world, and limit what I showed for simplicity. I think it worked pretty well! It still doesn't have many hits on AO3 compared to my other works, but I think it's just the side effect of locking my fics (what can I say, I don't enjoy AI stealing my work). When few people respond to my works (like with this one) it makes it harder for me to enjoy them, because I feel like I did something wrong. But this one was born in specific circumstances that allow me to at least temporarily overlook its response, and I think it has a unique charm that I'll keep liking. Plus, for a low number of hits, there's a high corresponding rate of kudos and bookmarks on this fic, which I do find encouraging
Centuries Overdue - Another fun AU to work with! I enjoy writing things that make me think and plan and scheme, I guess. Plus I got to work with two artists on it!! This fic (historical and modern, unique magic elements, plot twist-reliant) was unlike any others I'd written, so it forced me to try new things and grow as a writer. I think it turned out pretty well!
The Bedbug Problem - The last Ladrien fic I had a real blast writing! This was for the ml secret santa exchange, and while I haven't heard whether the fic's recipient liked it, I did, at least. I had fun trying to include certain elements I hoped the recipient would like as well as the ones that would drive the story forward. It always helps when you have similar tastes to the person you're writing for, because it feels like it's partially your gift, too!
Stealing Freedom - This was the first fic I wrote that got a lot of attention (by my standards) and it's one that was a lot of fun to write! It's another fic that was a new style for me at the time and that required me to kind of scheme as I worked my way to the perfect ending. I think I struck a pretty good balance of angst and hurt/comfort where Adrien and Marinette's love for each other basically saves the day, which is one of my favorite things to read. I was really glad that other people liked it, too!
#ask game#rosie-b writing#writer insecurity ig#here's some more of it :)))#i know hits aren't really a measure of how good a fic is. but it sucks ass to put so much work in and get so little back sometimes#sometimes i just want more than one person to like the fic enough to comment. especially if it's not a specific non-love square-centric au#sometimes I just want to know i'm not screaming into a void and getting laughed at#sorry these tags are so down it's just been a subpar summer for writing. subpar year really#and despite it I do still love my writing! i just hate feeling stupid for that#and i didn't rely on hits/kudos to let myself pick my favorite fics!! most of these are not my top-hit/kudosed fics!! i love all my fics#i just don't always feel like other people do. and that lowers my confidence in writing more and liking what i've written in the past#i'll still love my work if it gets a cool response. just not as much. i'm left feeling stung when i look at it instead of proud#i’m giving self love my best shot here but my feelings on my fanfics have been mixed for a while#sorry#i do appreciate the chance to look back at what i've written and feel at least some pride
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#I mean I am on both the aromatic and asexual spectrums#and I do already refer to myself as Angled Aroace#but like there have been times where I've felt that attraction#not often but sometimes#I mean I call myself queer#but I wouldn't wanna like give anyone false hope by SAYING I'm queer#incase they think I am gay or bi (or rlly any orientation that they might have a shot with)#like I don't want someone to make a move the get upset#bc I said I'm queer even tho I'm primarily on the aspec (with some v rare instances of attraction yes)#like love and sex and stuff like that is so heavily centered in the queer community and rlly just society as a whole#that I feel like if I just say I'm queer that me being aspec won't even be on their radar#and ik I shouldn't care what ppl think#but I just hate when ppl are upset me and it feels like it'd be such an awkward situation to be in#and I don't have the time or the energy to explain wtf it means to be an “omni-oriented aroflux greysexual” yk?????#honestly I barely consider myself omni-oriented nowadays#not as much as I did#I just don't rlly feel the attraction often enough to use the term or identify w it#it's mostly to explain the attraction I felt more in the past#or thought I felt#idk.#anyway#aroace? not aroace?#I don't wanna like appropriate the term but it feels like the most concise word I can use w/o feeling like a complete and utter liar.#aroace#aspec#tumblr polls#queer
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Magenta 😟
#I've had cognitive impairment from covid before but not to where i feel intellectually dumb when i write#my college papers and my writing projects dont sound like “me” as of late#its very bare bones and doesn't have the descriptiveness or humanity i normally give#like i see the scenes or what i want to say in my head#but what i type aint matching up#and yeah i naturally get into slumps like that but this is like that slump x 9000#I'm kinda scared this round might've given me brain damage#havent been feeling all the way like myself#but i also know too that covid takes a while to heal from and of course theres long covid shit which ive dealt with before#im just frustrated guys#i feel like within the last 3 to 4 months i finally healed from my last bout of rona#and i get it again and im back to square one#i just want to write and feel okay with it and not feel so stuck just trying to come up with a basic sentence#seriously even writing basic shit is hard right now#it took me a week to get 5 pages on duality#and im used to churning out at least 10 pages on my projects at minimum every couple days to a week#man give me chronic pain anyday but don't take away my mind and the freedom that comes with that#sorry guys im feeling sad#i know i gotta give myself time but im impatient#i hate how right before i caught covid again i was gonna get my flu shot and an updated covid vax#wish i could've avoided this crud#having weird chest shit too#was a heart thing now its gerd now its potentially back to a heart thing#im tired#i need a hug#i love you 🫂💙#magenta is my vent word
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A couple of months ago, I showcased what Mega Man would look like in the toony artstyle of Pizza Tower, though since then I've wondered something... what would Peppino Spaghetti look like had he been drawn by Mega Man illustrators Keiji Inafune and Ryuji Higurashi?
The answer is a little something like this! 🍕✨
#Star's Art#Pizza Tower#Peppino Spaghetti#Mega Man#Rockman#Coolness#PPN-001: ITALIAN MAN WILL BE REAL IN ZERO SECONDS#Given that I've been on a Mega Man kick lately I REALLY wanted to draw something in the Classic style again#Though this time I wanted to do something particularly challenging... drawing a HUMAN in the style#For those who don't know there are very few humans in the Mega Man franchise drawn in Inafune's style#So references to use for drawing the such are in incredibly short supply#Though a handful of references wouldn't deter me from giving such a challenge a shot...#... and who better to depict in one of my favorite artstyles than your local anxiety-ridden pizzeria owner?#I felt like it was only right to draw a Mega Man-styled Peppino after drawing a Pizza Tower-styled Mega Man#And for my first foray into drawing Classic styled humans... I think I did a fine job!#I think what took me the longest to draw was stylizing Peppino's head to look... for lack of a better term... normal?#What I ended up with was not only something that'd look feasible in the Mega Man continuity...#... but also something that stays true to Peppino's design too!#I've been thinking about drawing myself in the style too#If I can nail drawing somebody like Peppino Spaghetti in this style then it is ABSOLUTELY within my skillset!💙✨
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sorry for how slow and sparse I've been getting around to everyone. I'm doing my best but genuinely rn I desperately need to take care of myself instead of always putting others first.
#I've been. not okay mentally or emotionally for a few weeks now.#and I'm eternally grateful for the. like. 2 people that know that and have been so kind and patient with me.#and I feel bad for not giving as much as I want to be to /everyone/ right now and how much I feel like I'm falling behind.#but I don't have the energy or the will rn and I need to be shaken and forced to rest.#I'm so depressed and stressed out and anxious over every little thing rn.#my sense of self-worth is fucking shot and I'm trying so hard to be brave and remind myself people really do care about me.#that I'm not nuisance that I'm not causing problems and ruining everything that it's not better for everyone if I just wasn't in the picture#idk this isn't like. I want to be swarmed with reassurances right now.#it's more of just. I'm sorry. I know my mood is fluctuating and I'm very slow lately.#I promise I'm not ignoring anyone.#I'm just in a not great spot and it's taking a bad toll on me especially when I know how I am trying to appease others.#while giving up my own well-being giving up my own heart.#I just need to rest and take it easy for a bit. I promise everything is fine.#rambling#maybe delete later
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I sure have gotten myself into a situation!
#isabel talks#either he's desperate or really into me and I have nooooo idea how to handle this#when I said I wanted to put myself out there I was expecting like#casual interest#and I feel bad because I'm giving him a shot but I'm not as into it as he seems to be#it's baffling#I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything#like it's great someone likes me#but it's stressing me tf out
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yaay
#sprites changing in response to finding out that the thing they thought would stop the loops will not stop the loops :)#no more chirping back at birds...rip#i won't lie i half suspected that the kid would draw siffrin :( in the team portrait. i think that would have caused them damage#i'm still trying to balance how much i want to jump back and forth in loop points vs doing the whole castle over again#i should probably be killing myself more often for efficiency. and also maybe calling loop more for dialogue?#i don't want to miss stuff but the feeling that doing it this way is also causing me to miss stuff#because i'm sure if i skipped more dialogue that would also give a slightly different nuance to the dialogues. augh#ein babbles#kind of curious to know. since siffrin has (potentially plot relevant?) Memory Problems.#if i equip a memory that isn't ''memory of self'' does that do anything. given what looping tropes generally involve#and the stress on ''as long as i have a job i can keep going'' etc.#and you know. the ghosts/'reflections' in the hallways sometimes and siffrin's instinctive jump to comparing them to Sadness + 'remnants'#maybe after a few more loops if i replace self with memories of looping...#oh siffrin closes their eyes like they're sleeping when they get frozen now. fuck yeah#chewing on the story. i wonder if the record scratch ''you already have this item'' and the warning to not act suspicious is going to come#to a head. and also how many acts there are left to cover stuff#it's also very fun that since sif is the only one who keeps levels while looping the more loops they go through the closer they get to#being able to like. one-shot the sadness mobs in the castle. especially with an attack from each craft. love mechanics that reflect charact#thinking about that book in the library or secret library? that had a big shiny tree on it that we couldn't read. and the password and the#book in the dormant library we also couldn't read. big tree probably the favor tree? maybe related to the island no one can think about wit#out a headache? which might be like the loop record scratch? removed from time vs siffrin and the king's respective time crafts?#not to mention the party member side quests <3#i just started act 3 if this somehow shows up in tags no one tell me anything. unless maybe if i definitely already missed something#the way i keep misspelling dormont as dormant due to. well. the obvious lmao#wait. i want to be able to find this again. sorry everyone#isat blogging
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as a writer how do you stop thinking about like getting kudos/comments? I've just started writing fanfic, and when I start a writing something -- it goes well and then eventually I get to point where I'm like "ahh but what the readers don't like that? or what if I don't get as many kudos or comments" and it makes it difficult to continue because then it becomes stressful -- I guess how do you deal with "wanting to write stuff for yourself" and "wanting validation" thanks!
You're going to hate this answer, because I hated it too, but TIME. When you first start writing and you get kudos and comments and people love what you're doing, it's a huge validation of your effort and talent, and it's natural that you want MORE of it. When I first started putting up fics I already had been writing for 15+ years, knew I was good at it, and still for a good few years found myself really glued to the hit counter, and the kudos, and wondering how I'd be able to get people to comment the same way they did on things like Seven Suitors.
But the thing is that commenting comes and goes in waves, and unless a fandom has a big comment culture, or is large enough that you're guaranteed a good glut of them every time you post...you're going to hit a point where you write exactly what everyone wants and get crickets. And at that point you'll get ANNOYED, because LOOK, I MADE THIS, i made it for YOU GUYS, and now y'all don't have anything to say? It'll get to you. It'll make you doubt that you know what anyone wants at all. It'll happen and it'll suck the whole time.
Lots of advice will say "write for yourself," which is an excellent sentiment. You should always write what YOU want. Put into your fic what you want to see, write the nitpicky poetic metaphors and craft the most screwball twists your heart desires. Pour yourself into the most niche AUs and most tin-hat canon theories. At the end of the day, you want the IDEAS you put down to be for you, because comments and kudos are nice, but if they don't come...you have to be proud of what you put out, even when it feels like an echo chamber.
But also...we don't POST things for ourselves. We post things to share. Fic are a conversation with canon and it is perfectly natural to want to create something that creates conversation among other fans. So you're never going to fully get the need for validation out of your head, you're not. You can hide hit counts and ignore your inbox all you like, but the want to have someone interact with your work, to inspire someone to reach out to you will ALWAYS be there. You just have to create a healthier relationship with it.
Be confident in what you write. Think less about whether people will like it, and more about how you WANT them to react. The reader is the most important character in any novel, but it's the one most authors forget to manage. When you come to a point where you go "oh man, I hope this is good for them!" stop and go, "what do I *want* them to be feeling here?" Focus on where you're putting their attention and whether you WANT it there. There's so much you can do when you visualize your relationship with the reader as PART of the work, and it takes off a lot of the pressure of "is this good? is it disappointing? will this get me validation?" and brings it back into the realm of storytelling. You are taking your reader on a journey, and when you do it well people will think less about "did I like that?" and more about "what comes next?"
#asks#writing advice#writing#please understand nonnie that what you are feeling is completely natural and part of the process#and shades of that will stick with you no matter how good you get#but the thing you want to keep in the center of your mind when it comes to that#is that you can only get kudos once on a fic and you are lucky to get a 1:100 comment vs hits ratio#so the instant validation WILL dry up and you'll have to have something about your story#that makes you push through. because people will come back and comment!#people will blow through 50+ chapter and leave you the most emotionally hungover review promising you their first borns#but sometimes you will have written a good third of them with NO feedback whatsoever#and you just have to trust in yourself that it's good. it's FINE#i used to obsessively check hits and be really put out to see how many people were coming and not commenting#especially when i wrote really emotionally driven stuff and really tore myself up to get those feelings through#but i also would have been miserable only writing fluffy 1 or 2 shots with no plot just to get the flush of comments those fics get#you just gotta do what you gotta do and let your audience find you. recontextualizing the relationship helps a LOT#i already was big on focusing on the meta plot of my works because as i said. 15+ years. had a lot of time to experiment and get good#but i still had to like. give myself the same pep talk 2 years in about how to view that relationship#everyone goes through it and if they say they don't they're a liar and i mean that seriously 🤣
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I'm so tired of having a body that has never liked me
the corkscrewing spine, the tonsils the constant size of ping pong balls, the cyclical vomiting syndrome, the chronic migraines, the periods that go for anywhere from 3 weeks to 3 months,
#when the pain is chronic I know#but god I just want to complain To Complain#my mom keeps thinking I need like. a rebuttal or advice#I just. I'm tired of it#we fixed the tonsils we fixed the spine but fixing the spine ended up giving me cdiff 6 times and the cvs diagnosis#and the migraines might just be Adult CVS#also I'm just tired of how the er treated me and how little even doctors know about cvs#they don't know how to treat it and they won't listen to me when I say its pain not nausea#then when they DO believe me it's one shot of pain meds in the iv and ''ok go home. No you can't have anymore''#I just want to be able to exist without my body fighting me man and it's never going to happen#and I just want to know that if I can't work I'll have the money to pay bills and thats why I don't ever buy myself anything#because what if I get really sick again and I miss 3 weeks of work again#granted my managers love me a lot and my main one poured all my sick/vacay pay into my lost time#but thats. All my sick pay and vacation. for 3 sick weeks
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#one problem that's got me right now; aside from my stomach audibly churning wanting something more; is no one listens#people try to listen; and people think they listen; but they don't actually listen#there's always advice to be given; there's always their own perspective to be imposed on things#and everyone means well; everyone's real damn caring you know? that's part of why I don't just say this shit#but no one actually listens#...why is it that so often when I listen to people they're like 'Exactly!'; but when people listen to me it's like... you didn't hear me?#am I just pickier? or when I listen is it that I go broader strokes and avoid advice?#I'll often take a shot in the dark just based on looking inward and seeing how I'd be feeling in that situation#and... and this isn't a brag or something; but I can't remember the last time someone didn't feel validated by it#(which must be blindness on my part; I must have missed the times I made people feel more alone)#(I certainly don't always even manage to find something worthwhile to say; but when I do people seem validated)#but that's me turning inwards and just presenting how the situation makes me feel; and that making people feel seen#(like once again; not fucking bragging; but people will act like I saw right through them)#(when I was just tossing out something that I was only like 70% sure of and felt probably insulting or something)#but then I complain that people impose their own perspectives when talking to me... when me doing that seems to be what works#so why the fuck is that? is it that I more use myself as a thing to look at to relate to them while not really giving advice?#is my real complaint more like 'no one seems able to listen without trying to offer advice'?#also like... no one seems able to like... fucking trust me; or think for a second I might have lived this shit (possibly longer than them)#like... in a non emotional example:#once was talking about how I gotta heat my room with an electric radiator and the person starts telling me about how I gotta do it#like '3 ft away from any object' type advice and it's like...#I've been doing this for like 4 years; radiator sits about 6-8 inches from my bed and the cat spot; wood never gets more warm than sunlight#like I'm no fucking guru on it; but please don't treat me like and idiot you need to teach when you haven't actually used this stuff#why the hell can't anyone trust me? I got myself a fucking house; you know? why is it always always always advice#I'll talk about a situation; be doing more or less all anyone can do; all you have to say is 'yeah fuck that asshole'#no no; advice on what I need to tell someone about how to deal with that asshole that's not as nuanced as what I'm already doing#you share your biggest fears and just get fucking advice that won't work on how you can fix them#...kinda makes me want to blow my brains out as much as the hunger does right now#wish someone would mimic me on this; cause I seem to know what I'm doing#'gee sorry to hear that; that sort of thing is hard to deal with; you're doing a good job getting through it'
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Changing my icon after a year feels so weird jshdhdj
#I wanted something fresh#I've been waiting for harukawa to give us an awesome shot of vampire akutagawa but it's been forever#so maybe this icon will last only until the next chapter but I don't care#I'm actually trying to manifest a shot that would show his fangs in like a fight scenario but we will see#also guess what I played with colours myself and it was so fun
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I keep wanting to do an open RP clinic night with Roh sometime, because that's where her character arc is starting to take her and also because I want to make more connections, but I keep talking myself out of it
#Rambles#Part of it is just my own boundaries around rping injuries#It's hard to play a healer and also draw a line about descriptions of like. Open wounds and things. And my tolerance changes#So it definitely wouldn't be a weekly thing#Also on a more practical level I'd have to remodel her apartment and that sounds like suffering#Also advertising would be a struggle#And also people just don't conveniently get hurt on a schedule lol#Pictured in real time: me talking myself 80% out of it again#And Yet I still kind of want to give it a shot#Maybe just an option on my carrd for walk in patients :|a
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ooo grindr is scary but i'm proud of myself for trying
#figured maybe i was ready to give dating/hookup apps a shot since im mostly recovered from top surgery!#but turns out it really just scares the shit out of me to go for hookups - and really just to get to know a stranger really fast online#at least in that sort of context#so had wee little panic attack - it had been months since the last one actually which is fantastic!#but i am very very proud of myself for going and giving it a try even when it scares me#i feel a little bad for just ghosting the one guy i was talking to but i really just... wasn't into him#sure i wanted to hear more about his physics research but everything else felt a little red flag-y and he just wasn't my type#and i gotta remind myself that I really don't HAVE to talk with anyone on something like that and ghosting is okay#i did totally delete the app though#which does make me feel better#and thus ive learned that its not my sorta thing! think i like starting as in-person friends with people; stuff kinda takes me time
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