#i realize i sort of shot myself in the foot trying to do it with the rankings because it obviously is gonna change almost every week

[rolandkaros]

WTA 9 - 12 AS LYRICS FROM SONGS I HAVE SAVED [1 - 4] [5 - 8] [INSP]

MARIA SAKKARI [GRE] -> GAVE YOU EVERYTHING [THE INTERRUPTERS] JEĻENA OSTAPENKO [LAT] -> SO WHAT [P!NK] KAROLÍNA MUCHOVÁ [CZE] -> A BEGINNING SONG [THE DECEMBERISTS] DARIA KASATKINA [RUS] -> LIGHT MY LOVE [GRETA VAN FLEET]

[entitled-fangirl]

Fatherhood. P2

Single dad!Cregan Stark x reader

Summary: The reader follows through with her marriage proposal. (I literally cannot say more without spoiling stuff)

Part 1

Masterlist

...........................................................

"Father?" Her voice carried through the hall.

Bolton turned to give his daughter his entire attention. 

"The carriage outside. Have we a visitor?" She asked meekly.

He sighed. "Afraid not."

Her head tilted. "An empty carriage? Who would ever send such-" She found herself stopping at the realization. "It's for me, isn't it?"

Bolton's lip tightened. "It is."

"Ah," she noted wearily. "I'll… I'll collect my things, I suppose."

He nodded, though his heart ached somewhere deep inside to see her go. "Best that you do. Can't have ya forgetting yer lavender, eh?"

She managed a smile. "No. I couldn't bare it."

"Go on, then."

She gave one last look before retreating up to her room.

…

She thanked the driver earnestly as she stepped in, watching the door shut behind her. 

This was nicer than she anticipated it being.

She leaned back when the carriage began to move and started to close her eyes before pausing at the sight of a small sealed letter. 

She picked it up.

The Stark sigil.

Her fingers shook as she opened it.

My dear lady, I do hope you'll excuse the manner in which you've received this letter. Your father seems to be a man of pageantry and show, keeping you in the dark.  I implore you to stop the carriage for a surprise of sorts. - An eager father

She reread the letter a few times before daring to do as it said.

Tap.Tap.Tap. against the ceiling of the carriage.

It came to an abrupt halt.

She paused with her hand still raised at the ceiling. Her ears listened intently for any noise at all.

The door soon opened and light poured further into the carriage. A hand shot out and she took it, stepping out.

When she stepped out and her eyes adjusted, the sight of her hand in Lord Stark's threw her off. "Lord Stark…?"

Cregan's bright smile filled her sight. "Hello, sweet girl."

She looked around, noticing that Cregan's horse stood behind the carriage. "What is this? A-Are you trying to save me?" She asked with a confused brow.

"Am I- what?" His grip on her hand tightened. "No. No. Of course not."

She frowned. "Excuse my bluntness, my lord. Why are you here then?"

He took a step back to collect himself, and a bright smile came over his face. "Y/n." He took her other hand as well. "Who do you imagine wished for your hand so ardently?"

It clicked then and her eyes widened. "You-"

"-Indeed," he beamed.

Her mouth laid agape. "W-Why did you not tell me?"

He rubbed his thumbs across her knuckles. "I had thought your father would, but alas."

"I fear I've embarrassed myself then-"

"-anything but." He persisted, "You've proven to me just how loyal you are. That's a trait that is not easily learned."

"You truly wish for my hand?" She asked.

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. "Of course. Now come, Rickon awaits us in Winterfell."

Her eyes lit up. "Then we must go." She moved to the carriage, then paused when she noticed Cregan's lack of movement. "You are not traveling with me?"

He frowned. "A northman does not fair well in carts and carriages. We're made for horses."

She hummed. "Very well." She turned on her heel and began to walk to the horse. 

He shifted his weight to his other foot. "What're you doing?"

She looked over her shoulder. "What? Think I can't manage one horse ride?"

An amused smile came over his face and he shook his head in acceptance as he strode over to her.

Did he have to lift her onto the horse? Yes. Did he have the reigns the entire time? Yes. Did she know a single thing about horses? No. 

Did he point it out or complain once? Never.

…

The young woman had spent more time with Rickon than it seemed with Cregan for the time being. 

Sure, their wedding was still a few weeks out, but it was a strange thing to see a woman so infatuated with a son that was not of her blood.

"A horse? Yes," she grinned as she tapped the wooden horse on the ground as if it was galloping. "It's a mighty horse, isn't it? Very strong. Much like your papa's."

Rickon moved to his small chest of toys and pulled out another wooden thing, quickly moving to sit by her and do the same thing with his toy as hers.

"A direwolf? Horses gallop. See?" She replicated her motion. "But direwolves run. Here." She held her hand over his and lightly moved it to tap at a smoother and lighter rhythm. "Horses move with their mind. Wolves move with their hearts. That's what makes them predators."

Rickon tries to replicate the motion she made. It was sloppy, but it was clear that he got the idea. 

"That's wonderful. You're a clever boy," she preened at him.

"Clever as his father?" Cregan grinned from the doorway.

She gasped and turned, not expecting to see him while she was seated on the cold stone floor. "Cregan-"

He walked further in and knelt on the other side of them. "What have we here? A hungry wolf? Or is he friendly?"

She laughed. "All of our animals are friendly. Aren't they, Rickon?" When he nodded, she continued. "Wolves aren't hungry within these walls, Cregan."

His eyes were glued to hers, an obvious heat moving through his body. "Perhaps there is one."

Her head shot up and met his gaze, a pink hue coming to her cheeks. "I-"

Rickon's eyes had watered, and the boy let out a sniffle. 

The tension was quickly broken, for both now focused on the boy. 

"My boy," Cregan hummed. "No need for tears. I didn't mean that. There's no wolf besides Dark Watch. And she's no evil thing, is she?"

The boy finally let out a real cry, clearly terrified at the thought of a hungry wolf in Winterfell.

Cregan held his arms out, ready to receive the boy's wet cheek upon his chest. But it never came.

He heard her soft gasp as Rickon launched himself against her chest in desperation. She slowly wrapped her arms around him and began to rock him. "Your father didn't mean it, my little Rickon. It was only a jest."

Cregan wanted to be mad. He felt that maybe he should be. But there was no angry bone in his body. 

His son had found a comfort besides him. 

He believed he found himself falling further for her, if that was even possible.

…

"CREGAN!"

His head shot up from the letters sprawled across the council table. "Excuse me."

He didn't wait for permission from the council members before he ran out of the room and a fast pace. 

The man pushed himself to run down the stairs, through the corridors that felt like forever, until he came upon his son's room.

"Cre-Oh. Oh, you missed the most wonderful thing," his betrothed beamed. 

Relief filled him. "I thought you dead from the sounds."

"My heart is very much alive," she claimed. She held Rickon on her hip and Cregan couldn't help but imagine her doing so with his seed growing inside her.

He had to physically shake the thought away. 

"W-What is it?"

She pulled Rickon closer to focus and her voice lowered. "Pa-pa," she enunciated. "P-ah p-uh."

She looked expectantly at the boy who only stared back. 

"Oh, Cregan. I promise he said it. I truly do!"

He shook his head with a sigh. "I believe you. I do. But I've not heard him speak. If it wasn't for his cries, I'd fear he had no voice at all."

"Be easy on him. He's learning."

"He should have already," Cregan sighed. "I fear it's my fault."

Her head tilted and she shifted the boy. "I don't see how it could be."

Cregan fully sat at that point, crossing his legs lazily. "His mother died on the birthing bed, you know."

She nodded. "I remember."

"I was in shambles after that. Couldn't dare to look at him." He ran a hand through his hair as if brushing the memory away. "Took some time to get over it. And by then, well, the damage was done."

Her heart ached at his honesty. "There were wet nurses and servants to help though, surely?"

"Yes, but none are the same as a father's touch."

Her body grew warm, and not just from the child in her arms. "Indeed."

Cregan leaned forward and brushed his hand over the back of the boy's head. "He's a good child. I'm glad he has you."

She looked up at the man and admired the genuine smile that was over his face. 

…

The weeks following were easy. Breaking fast with Cregan, followed by a walk through the halls to help her grow confidence in her home. Then hours in the library where she read or stitched. A servant brought small foods to tide her over to supper. Then supper with both Cregan and Rickon. The poor boy had to sit on his knees to even see over the table. 

"No, no," Cregan laughed heartily. "You were terrified, my love!"

"I was n-" She couldn't help but brake into a smile. "Well, you're an intimidating man at first sight!"

"Am I still?" He asked as a tease, but it was mixed with something else. "Do I frighten you?"

Her breath escaped in a short pant, overcome with the thought of what being his wife would truly entail.

He was frightening to everyone. Firm and strong, not easily swayed. Cold and forbidding. 

"No."

"No?"

"Not at all."

He gained a smirk. "How so?"

Her eyes shifted between him and his son. "You're softer than you wish to seem."

A fire was lit behind his eyes, and she knew that if Rickon wasn't there, they may have been doing something entirely different.

"Smart girl."

She preened at his praise. 

…

"What about-"

"-I have it handled."

Her head tilted. "Fine. And th-"

"-It's been done. You worry too much."

"One last thing. T-"

"You intelligently foolish woman," he sighed as he took her shoulders in his large hands. "I have done it all. You need only do your part."

She forced herself to take a deep breath. "You wonderful man."

"And you, Lady Bolton? Are you not a wonder as well?" He grinned.

"Lady Stark," she corrected him.

…

She fit into the role of lady with grace and ease. 

As if there was never such a prefect fit.

"Come," she beckoned Rickon along. "Your father is expecting us, and we shan't keep him waiting."

Upon seeing them enter the council room, Cregan's gloomy demeanor was instantly lightened. He stood up. "You're late."

She hums. "Do excuse us. Lord Rickon was practicing his jumping and who am I to stop him?" She teased

"Ah," he acknowledged when they got close enough. He bent down and picked up the boy. Once Rickon was held firmly against him, Cregan tilted his head down and kissed his wife deeply.

She pulled away with a fond giggle and red cheeks. 

Cregan was an unashamed man, kissing his wife in such a manner in front of his councilmen. "Sit," he gestured to her chair. "Let us begin."

…

"I'll never know how to thank you," Cregan remarked quietly one day.

The three had managed to get away from Winterfell for an afternoon. Seated on the dead grass, she watched Rickon spend his time chasing a bird that was so far in the air, he'd never have a chance, even if he could fly behind it.

"Thank me? For what?"

"For this. For being able to live in such ease," he said as he gestured out to the field.

"I should be thanking you," she hummed as she reached out to their basket and ripped of a small piece of bread, eating it. 

He leaned to her and placed a sweet kiss to her cheek. "Never."

She giggled and ripped another, now turning to him. "Fatherhood suits you, my love." Her hand came up to his lips. 

He opened his mouth, smirking as his wife's hand pushed the bread between his lips. Her fingers rest there as a look comes into her eyes. 

Cregan chewed the bread then kissed at her fingers. "And you, you wonderful mother." 

"PAPA!"

Their heads shot up at the sound.

"Rickon?" Cregan's eyes widened. "RICKON?" He stood in a hurry and his eyes scanned the field. 

He ran out when he saw where his son sat in the dirt. "Son, what are you doing? Gods, are you well?"

Rickon looked over his shoulder. In his hand was a flower. He held it up.

"Oh." Cregan bent down. "You scared me, boy. Yes, yes, that's a lovely flower."

Rickon stood up on his still pudgy legs and moved passed his father. 

Y/n had been watching and had slowly starting walking to them. When Rickon neared, she bent down. "Did you speak?" She asked softly. 

Rickon held the flower out to her. 

"For me? Oh, you sweet, sweet boy!" She picked him up and spun him around. "I've never been more proud."

Cregan had joined them at that point. He pulled his wife into his hold. He kissed the crown of her head and whispered in her hair, "Thank you for this. Thank you, my girl."

The family stood there in the field, enjoying every bit of their lives together.

...............................................................

Taglist: @twinkletwinklenotastar, @kidd3ath,@yujyujj, @misswynters, @cosmosnkaz, @sithapprentice, @kaniromi, @lovemesomevesey, @its-jackie-bb, @8812-342, @thorins-queen-of-erebor, @kingdomzeldaquest @nyxbranwenn, @callsignwidow, @a1lexh-blog, @alyssa-dayne, @ethereal-athalia, @ashovertheriver, @lost-in-fiction-like-ur-mom, @dozcan123, @wangjiangelangel, @kamitargaryen, @aegonswife, @lv7867, @helpmedecideaname

[nonotnolan]

This Happens all the Time, It's Detachable

When I took this job at Port Atilis, I moved into the area without doing a lot of research about the area. I have no one else to blame but myself for the fact that I live four blocks away from the biggest tourism strip in town. I thought being close to the beach would be relaxing, but anytime I try to take advantage of it, I'm having to deal with all of the crowds.

That being said, the constant stream of tourists does have one unexpected benefit. The eye candy is top notch, especially for a guy like me who has a hard time finding dates. I don't even have to head down to the beach-- Grindr is filled with hot guys trying to score a one night stand while they're out on vacation, and their profiles make window shopping that much easier. Sadly, window shopping is all I'm usually able to do-- I'm not looking for a quick hookup, so the odds are stacked against me. Outside of the occasional online date that never goes anywhere, I spend most of my nights alone.

I've started meeting guys downtown so that if I get ghosted, at least I can have a nice meal alone somewhere. It's frustrating how often this sort of shit happens, but... that's just how online dating works, I guess.

I was walking along the shore as I headed back to my car when I saw it. There, flopped across the sidewalk, was a limp cock and balls. I nudged it with my foot at first-- I thought maybe it was a plastic mold or something at first, but it definitely moved like real flesh. I bent down and scooped it up. Sure enough, it was warm to the touch. I slipped it into my pocket and headed back to my apartment.

My hand kept stroking the shaft as I walked-- I couldn't believe I had such a realistic cock in my pocket. It was starting to grow erect, as if it was really someone's detached manhood. How was that even possible? By the time I arrived home, it was about seven or eight inches long, and enough girth that I could barely wrap my fingers around it. If it was someone's real cock, he was certainly a lucky guy. But what does one do with a detached cock and balls?

Well, I was already planning to take a shower after spending the afternoon out in the summer heat. I may as well take the cock in there with me. It probably needs at least a quick rinse after being in the dirt like that. I was also going to have to wash these khakis-- the damn thing had started leaking precum in my pocket.

It really was an impressive cock. Perfectly straight, and the glans had a beautiful shape and color-- I would have sworn it was a dildo if I hadn't felt it harden in my pocket. A bead of precum started to form at the slit, and my own manhood started to stir. Should I do it? It was almost certainly a bad idea, but weeks of pent up frustration and the smell of jizz overrode any concerns. I started to deep throat the strange cock, holding it in my fingertips so I could consume as much of the shaft as possible.

Pretty soon I was rewarded with its cum. I could feel the cock jump as it shot rope after rope into my throat. I damn near started choking on the sudden flood of jizz, but I was able to swallow most of it down. It was weird enough making a detached cock orgasm... but why did I feel warm all of a sudden? The cock was softening, in case I had any doubt it was alive somehow.

I didn't notice until I started rinsing the slime off my chin and chest when I realized what had changed. My smooth, twink stomach had developed abs. The cock had to be magical, somehow. I gently set it down on the shower floor as I started to give my body a thorough examination. My own cock was still the same size, but my arms and legs were starting to gain definition-- and my stomach was ripped, somehow.

Nothing about this day made sense. Plus I was starting to feel dizzy, so I quickly toweled off and climbed into bed. The cock would be fine on the tile floor of the shower. I didn't know if it could piss, and I didn't want to deal with cleaning it up if it did. Maybe the world would make sense when I woke up.

-----------------------------------

The world did not make sense when I woke up. The first thing I noticed was that my body had gotten even larger overnight, and it was all muscle mass. It felt... well, honestly, it felt amazing. But it made no damn sense. The detached cock was sitting in the shower where I'd left it. Maybe if I could find its owner, I could get some clues about what was happening to me? I threw on some gym clothes-- no sense in ruining my good shirts in case my body grew even more. I also took a selfie, so that if my body changed any more, at least I would have some sort of reference to compare it with.

I headed back down to the shore where I'd first found the mystery meat. My shoulders were wide enough that I found myself swaying them as I walked. The old me would have been far too embarrassed to walk with such a swagger-- was this transformation starting to affect my personality, too?

I wasn't really sure how I was going to find the cock's owner. I hadn't thought that far ahead. It's not like he could go up to someone and ask if anyone had handed over a penis to the Lost and Found. Maybe I'd see a guy anxiously searching the area? Would he still be here the next morning? Well, I was already here. I grabbed a smoothie from one of the shacks on the shoreline and started people watching.

Most of the pedestrians were walking with purpose, so it was fairly easy to spot the few people who were lagging behind for whatever reason. Most of those people were probably meeting up with friends or something, based on the way they were checking their phones. But there was one man, a handsome guy flashing a lot of chest, who kept staring at the ground as he roamed the area near the marina. His facial expressions ranged from pure sorrow to forlorn fear, which was certainly how I'd react if my dick suddenly went missing. Only one way to find out for sure.

"Hey bro, what's wrong? You keep looking around like you lost something."

"You don't know the half of it," he said, shaking his head. "But... yeah, man. I lost my... something really fucking important. Something, uhh... wooden."

Bingo. "Was it this?" I said, giving the cock in my pocket a tight squeeze. If he could still feel it, there would be no mistaking my intent. And based on the look of relief that washed over his face, I had guessed correctly.

"You're the person who found my dick? Oh, thank fuck!" He leapt to his feet and grappled me in a bear hug. "All I could think about was a tourist taking it home with them, or tossing it into the water, or... fuck, man, I don't even know. I like to carry around with me, I wear tight briefs to hold it in place, but... it slipped out last night and I was too drunk to notice."

We started walking over to the side of the street, where things were slightly more private. He was close enough for me to smell him-- a mixture of sweat, citrus, and sandalwood. "Well, I'm glad I can return this massive cock back to its owner," I said, looking side to side for any gawkers before pulling it out of my pocket. I grabbed his waistband, pulled it outward, and jammed my hand into his pants. I gave his hardening cock one last pat before I pulled my hand back.

"Someone's feeling confident," he said, flashing a wide smile. He leaned back on the stairs. "It's a good thing you're as sexy as fuck, or I'd be offended." He sized up my physique, and his face started to grow concerned as he did so. "You... I think I remember cuming last night. Did you... did you give me a blowjob?"

I scratched the back of my neck. "I did, yeah. Sorry, bro. Didn't mean to offend you. I was still trying to figure out if your cock was even real, or... honestly, that's part of why I was hoping to find you. I wanted to return your dick, of course, but I'm also... growing? Do you know why?"

He placed a firm hand on my shoulder. "You should take me back to your place. We've got a lot to discuss. If you swallowed my cum, there's no way you didn't catch my condition. The muscle growth is a sweet side effect, but... well, you've seen how it ends."

"You mean my dick is going to fall off?"

"It's really not all that bad," he said, giving my shoulder a comforting squeeze. "And I give you some pointers to help you live with it. Mind if I stay at your place for a few days?"

Blake was as good as his word. I'm glad he told me to wait before shopping for new clothes-- It took a few more days for my body to stop growing, and I went up three shirt sizes by the time I was done. We've started dating. It turns out there are some experiences you just can't have without growing really close to a guy, and we do have a few hobbies in common.

I took a few sick days so I could be at home when my dick finally fell off. I was walking around naked and everything-- your dick only falls off once, after all, and I wanted to see it happen. And Blake was right there at my side, eager to give me my first detached blowjob.

We usually leave our dicks at home for safekeeping, at my insistence. Blake has a voyeurism streak, though, so sometimes I'll be out running errands when I suddenly feel him applying lube to my cock. Have you ever tried to shop for groceries mid-orgasm? It's a hell of an experience. Other times, we'll go out on a date with the other's cock tucked in our briefs. Feeling his arousal against my skin never gets old. My favorite, though, are the Detachable Male Support Meetings. We all get together, put our dicks in a large bowl, and then just shoot the breeze for a few hours.

I never could have guessed that finding an errant cock on the ground would change my life so completely, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

[the-fiction-witch]

Young Love P2

Media The Artful Dodger

Character Jack Dawkins

Couple Jack X Reader

Rating SMUT

Requested I NEED part 2. I love it. Must need part twoooo This is amazing! Waiting for part 2 part 2 plsss ❤️❤️ Part 2 please I can't wait for part 2 ❤ Part 2 plsss I it's so cute I couldn't help myself but laugh because I would have done the same thing to my friends

I sat at the table on my third drink since I took my seat, My family of course was eager to ask questions but I didn't want to speak. Maybe this was all a terrible idea. 

"So Dr Dawkins, how long have you been seeing our sweet Y/n?" My mother asked,

"Ohh Almost a year now, isn't that right my darling?" He smirked in my direction, his hand coming to settle on my thigh

I glared but smiled and nodded, before I quickly grabbed his hand and crushed it as I forced his hand away,

"oww" He complained to quiet for anyone at the table to notice, "Don't be vicious darling." he whispered,

"Ohh that's just lovely," Magnolia smiled, "Reminds me of our own courtship." she smiled at her husband Sam, 

"And tell me do you have intentions to continue with my daughter?" My father asked,

"Ohh yes, certainly sir." He nodded, "We were thinking of a spring wedding weren't we my darling?" He smiled leaning on his hand and blowing me a kiss, But I stomped on his foot under the table, He shot me a look as everyone talked about themselves "I'm doing what you asked."

"Dail it back loverboy." 

"So? Do you two think soon we can expect splendid news?" my mother asked and the table silenced,

"Yes, very soon I'm sure." He answered,

"Ohh wonderful!" She smiled, 

"And of course, we'd be expecting young ones?" My father offered,

"Ohh Absolutely, we had discussed it, of course, four children we were thinking my darling?"

I glared at him with rage "Yes... Dear." 

"Wonderful! Young love is so sweet and beautiful now we only have little melody and all our sweet little ones will have a love of their own," My mother smiled, "Ohh how I remember the moonlit strolls, the sweet shared cookies, the secret words whispered at windows, the thrill of love bites hidden from others eyes, of muffling the lustful sounds of intimacy behind pillows for fear of walking the house, the unbridled torment and ecstasy of young love." 

 I held my breath trying not to answer, my parents had always been like this so affectionate for each other that they often failed to realize that's not the sort of thing you tell your children about when you are their age. 

"But of course, you two must be well aware of such things,"

"...yes absolutely," He nodded, "Your uhhh" he coughed," Your daughter and I are well aware."

"Wonderful, and of course now you are no longer a secret Dr Dawkins, you are welcome to stay the night with y/n so long as you two just let us know." my mother smiled,

"We wouldn't want any sudden interruptions now would we?" My father added,

"I- I Can?" He gulped, 

"Of course, we trust a doctor to know the best ways to... help our daughter," my father winked at Jack,

"Yes, of course." Jack nodded shooting me a glance as if to ask 'Are they serious?' and I just nodded in return, "well that uhh that will be nice won't it darling" 

"Yes... it will" I rolled my eyes 

Once dinner was done I very quickly took Jack back to my room mostly to try and hide, Immediately I jumped on my bed and hid my face away, 

"Your uhhh your parents are weird."

"Yeah, I know..."

"They have literally only met me for dinner, and they are completely fine with me banging you." 

"Jack, don't call it that."

"Having sex with you then. They are... really accommodating..." 

"They are weird."

"yeah they are... and it's bloody weird, I feel kinda bad I'm not having sex with you they seemed like they really wanted me too, I feel like I'm a disappointment all of a sudden." 

"the deal was cookies and Beer Jack I'm not sleeping with you."

"Can we amend the deal?"

"To?"

"Every time I need to pretend to be your boyfriend, you have to sleep with me."

"No."

"Then the deal is off and I'm telling them-" he said heading to the door

"No no no!" I stood and grabbed his arm, "ughhhh fine! One orgasm per performance."

"Not one orgasm, sex."

"Ohh sex is finished after you orgasm"

"Not necessarily, One orgasm could be you just pawn me off with a handjob and my performances are worth way more than that." 

"Fine... Sex. Per performance."

"Thank you, I will accept a blow job."

"I bet you would, it's just easier for me to sleep with you at least then I can lay down and my jaw doesn't get tired." 

"Good, we have a deal?"

"Do I still owe you a pound a kiss?"

"Let's say a kiss for a kiss how about that?"

"Fine."I sighed, 

"Good, we're agreed then, Now? where's my reward for such a stellar performance darling?" He cooed wrapping his arms around my waist,

"I'm really gonna hate you aren't I?"

"Yeah you are, but you can't argue 'cause you wanted this." He smirked, "You asked me to pretend to be your boyfriend, so I'm being your boyfriend," he smirked grabbing my arse,

"Fine, let's just get this over with. And don't be loud I already know my parents are assuming there fucking in here I'd rather it not be confirmed," I sighed moving to the bed,

"Grumpy little girly today,"

"Just get this over with Jack." I sighed, 

"Alright, how do you want me darling?" He smirked crawling on my bed, "I get to hold your hips and thrust your face into your pillow? do I get to hold your legs around my neck? or am I gonna get you bouncing on my cock?"

"You get to work with the side while I lay down with my book," I told him laying on my side and grabbing a book, He rolled his eyes as he slipped his waistcoat and shirt off laying down beside me and wrapping his arms around me and kissing my shoulder, He took my book from my hand and tossed it to the side "Hey!"

"You're not going to need to entertain yourself with me, darling," he cooed as leant down to nibble and kiss my neck tugging down my dress to expose my shoulder to him his kisses getting more intense and lustful slightly biting,

"Don't bite Jack i don't need my mother pointing them out,"

"Aww come on? it'll be cute, I want them to look at you, see your cute little hickies and say humm look what Doctor Dawkins did to Y/n" 

"One Hickie." I warn,

"I better make it count then," he growled, he kissed up my neck and found a spot I couldn't hide he made sure to nibble and kiss it first before he bit me like a goddamn vampire from one of my romance novels leaving a hard dark hickie on my neck I did my best not to gasp but it was fairly difficult given his attention his hand quickly undid my dress and slipped his hand under the now looser fabric to grab my breast "Ohh perky little girly aren't you?" 

"Hey, I said sex I said nothing about my boobs."

"Boobs are a very important part of sex, come on I just wanna make you feel good too why do you keep trying to stop me?" he cooed between kisses, "ohhh your body doesn't wanna stop me?" he growled as his hand grabbing and groping my breast had caused my nipple to get a little hard "Listen to your body darling," He growled tugging on my nipple to make it even harder before pinching it between his fingers and rolling the tip between his fingers 

"Ughhh!" I squealed before clamping a hand over my mouth

"Awww see, you are enjoying it." He smirked, "Humm imagine your family are tucking themselves in bed right now, all of them can hear you screaming, and they all know what we are doing." he smirked, 

"There just assuming."

"True, so even if you don't make any noise you know your whole family is sitting in their beds knowing I'm about to bang your cute little body," 

"Jack don't call it that."

"Bang, fuck, sex, whatever word you wanna call it... " He rolled his eyes tugging up my dress till he exposed my skin "Ohhh now that's a little juicer then I expected." he smirked smacking my arse

"Hey! Jack! don't I'll-"

"Aww you don't want me to make you too sore? Don't worry darling I'm gonna make you so sore your cute little arse can't even sit down to dinner with them tomorrow." He smirked forcing down my panties and moving his hand to stroke my clit, Immediately I bit my pillow not wanting to give him the satisfaction that I was enjoying it, "Awww what a cute little girly, such a pretty little pussy, open your legs or I'll throw you on your knees." 

I knew I couldn't argue so I moved my leg to let him work, 

"humm what a good girly," he cooed undoing his own pants and tugging them down, he gave himself a few gentle strokes before he slipping himself inside me "Ughhh fuck! Ummm! you should have made me your fake boyfriend years ago" he growled as he held my hips firmly digging his nails into my skin as he aggressively thrusted,

"And why is that?" I asked trying so hard not to scream as I felt the pleasure of him moving 

"cause I've been waiting to fuck you since I met you, if I'd known faking being your boyfriend for one night was all it took to get up in my little girly, Humm your family would want me marrying you by now after all these years." He growled, often biting and kissing my neck with the movement of his hips. 

"Ughhh Jack," I began to whine from the overwhelming pleasure my eyes often rolling back, 

"Awww see you do love me," he smirked, "Don't worry little girly, I'll make you cum" he smirked rubbing on my clit as he thrusted my bed creaking and banging against the wall from our movements, "Ummm listen to that fucking noise your parents must think there banging like rabbits." he growled, "Then again, I guess we are aren't we." 

"Jack faster please-"

"Yeah? Ughh you sound so good begging me for more, But... I can't, you feel you good little girly" He began to slow so I gritted my teeth, I hated admitting it, I hated what I was about to do, and the endless satisfaction it would give him, 

.... I'd never live what I'm about to do down... 

But I'm not stopping, I pushed his hips gently turning us so he laid on his back and I sat on top of him gently moving my hips at the speed I wanted him at,

"Ohhh fuck! you bad bad girl!" He growled grabbing my hips to guide me to bounce on him, I admit he looked amazing laid on my bed in only his shirt, his hair slightly sweaty and out of place, leant on his elbows against my pillows moaning under me as I worked, "Ughhhhh fuck! yeah? you want me darling? I'm not even your real boyfriend and you need me so badly?" 

"You are a cocky little bastard, Jack,"

"Yeah, I am. You seem to be enjoying my cock enough though," he smirked, "Ummmm! why the hell did I spend so long playing card with you, I should have been bending you over the table" 

"You bend me over the table I'll bite you."

"That a promise little girly?" he smirked slapping my arse as I got faster and faster, "Or maybe you'll just feel me inside you and remember how good I make you feel." 

"Ughh just shut up and move Jack!" I yelled moving his hand to my clit, he happily began rubbing on it again his other hand grabbed my dress almost ripping it to force it away enough to get at my breast which he happily groped and plaid with my nipple, "Ughhhhh!"

"Ughhhh fuck you sound so good!" he groaned, "humm what would your family say they saw you like this, their cute little daughter bouncing on her doctor?" he gasped, 

"Knowing my parents... they'd probably correct us on something."

"annoyingly I think you're kinda right." he joked, 

 but I reached my peak biting his neck as I did which in turn got him to his own edge burying himself deep inside me 

"UGhhhhhhhhhh! Yes! yes! Y/n!" 

I did my best riding it out as he all but collapsed against bed until I couldn't move anymore and I fell face-first into my pillow on the other side of the bed, we gasped and tried to regain our composure, 

"I'm really gonna enjoy this arrangement..." 

"Ohh shut up Jack..." 

"Love you too darling."

I yawned and forced myself up, my body still knotted up with Jack as after all that had happened last night we just kinda collapsed and slept in one another arms, still in our clothes from last night, I forced myself up and rubbed my eyes for a moment looking at Jack as he slept, humm... for such a cocky dick, he can be kinda cute when he's sleeping, I smiled a plaid with his hair a little which didn't even make him stir, so I moved and gave his lips a little kiss, but as I pulled back he opened his eyes, 

"Morning,"

"AHh! Christ you made me jump!" I complained, "I didn't know you were up,"

"I'm awake... just about." 

"Morning,"

"Morning," He smiled, 

"Particular reason you're still here?" I asked climbing out of bed,

"I'm meant to be your boyfriend, aren't I? Boyfriends sleep over sometimes."

"Do they?" I asked starting to change out of my dress from yesterday, 

"They do, they cosy and cuddle up with your girlfriends"

"weird,"

"We did have sex last night."

"I know, I'm still sore and... sticky." 

"Yeah sorry about that, I'd have pulled out but... you were a little too vicious with me."

"Still I'd much prefer we have sex and you bugger off."

"That's not how boyfriends work Y/n."

"Yeah well, I don't like boyfriends, hence the whole point of you faking to be mine." 

he smirked looking at me 

"What?"

"You're really wondering why I'm looking at you when you stood at the foot of the bed without your dress?"

I rolled my eyes, "You're a doctor I don't care, you've seen a hundred naked ladies, plus anything important I have you saw last night anyway."

"True." He smirked, "What is your issue with boyfriends?"

"Fictional men are better, you ever read anything by Jane Austin? Ever. Trust me after Frederick Wentworth or Fitzwilliam Darcy." I explained, "You can't go back to the chaos of real men." 

"You can't fuck a book y/n." 

"I would if I could Jack." I said getting a clean dress for the day, but he moved to the end of the bed not bother to tug his pants up and grabbing my waist to pull me to stand naked between his legs 

"That what you want little girly? You want me to quote Jane Austin at you, to read you a Shakespearian sonnet, to make you feel loved?"

"... couldn't hurt Jack," I admit, 

He smirked kissing my sternum as he spoke "In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."

I gasped doing my best not to squeal as I looked down at him,

"Like that darling?"

"Eep." I squeaked, 

"Aww you're so cute little girly," He smirked, he slapped my arse and continued to kiss my chest and breasts, "You're cute when you let the hard shell down a little." 

I was about to speak but my bedroom door opened to my mother, Immediately I grabbed the sheet to cover my naked body leaving Jack to grab the hem of his shirt to cover himself too, but it was kinda too late, "Mother!"

"oh, do excuse me. Breakfast is ready." She smiled, and for a moment her eyes looked over me she obviously saw what was happening before I grabbed the sheet but she looked carefully now to ensure she saw exactly what was happening, and for a moment her eyes lingered on Jack a moment as if she was.. inspecting him, "Will you be joining us Dr Dawkins?"

"Uhhhh yeah, yeah I will," he nodded sheepishly given he not only got caught half-naked by my her but also making out with the breasts of her naked daughter, 

"Good, well I'll be off then," She smiled leaving the room and shutting the door behind her, 

"she saw us?"

"Yeah, she definitely saw us." I sighed, "Fuck." 

[crystillyzed]

safe and sound // sonny brisko

pairing: yandere!sonny x gn!reader

summary:

no matter where where you go, he's always watching you.

HEAVY warning(s): dark content, yandere sonny, stalking, manipulation (emotional abuse), guilt tripping, victim blaming, SUPER toxic relationship

disclaimer: i do NOT approve any of the characters’ actions and behavior in real life! if you are in a situation exhibiting this type of behavior, please consider receiving help! and all vtuber related work is not for the streamer behind the avatar, but for the character themselves!

a/n: i saw this clip the other day and now i gotta write it 🤭 also PLEASE read the warnings! by clicking/tapping on the read more, you are willing to read dark content/yandere content that may potentially trigger you.

"Ah, there you are, darling! I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"Sonny?!" Shit. How did he find you? He always put some sort of tracking device on you, even on your clothes when you're sleeping. You were pretty sure you destroyed any sort of wiretap and camera, and you're sure you left everything behind. No phone, no electronics, nothing! So how the hell?

"Oh? You look surprised. Did I scare you?"

"No! No, it's just... um..."

Shit. How can you get out of this?

He chuckles deeply behind his mask. "Didn't I tell you?" Step by step, the black capped blonde approaches you slowly, essentially forcing you to back yourself to the brick wall. "I'm always watching."

Taking out his phone from his pocket, the device lights up as he holds the screen towards your face. Your eyes widen in shock as he shows you security footage from surrounding buildings not too long ago. Footage of your whereabouts outside of stores and in the streets.

“You’ve been following me?”

"Of course! I'm not that cruel. I only love you, that's all. What's so hard about that?" He lowers his mask to hang beneath his chin. Sonny's eyes darken as his head cocks ever so slightly to the side. "Unless you don't love me...?"

"It's fine. I don't need your protection. No one was following me, I'll be fine, okay?!" You glance at the exit for a split second then quickly refocus your gaze onto Sonny. "You said you love me, right? So give me some space. Like, just a day of space. Away from home! And… And I'll be back, okay?"

"Oh darling, you know that it's dangerous out here! I'm one of the top officers, aren't I? And that means there's lots of scary evil people chasing after me." He leans closer to you, breath practically tickling the shell of your ear. "And that means that they're coming after you."

"It's fine!" Immediately, you shove him back with as much force as possible. You slide out from his space in the process, sidestepping your way out into the open space of the alleyway as subtle as possible. "I can just, call for a cab and stay at a friend's place until then. Yeah! I'll be fine! I'll be safe with a friend! Listen, I just -- I just need some space for myself. Okay?"

"A friend? You're not talking about Alban, are you?"

Shit.

Upon seeing your face, an eyebrow raised in amusement. Sonny laughs once more, soon taking off his hat to brush back his hair. With the cap in his hand, he takes a few steps towards you as he tucks his phone back into his pocket.

"Oh? You didn't know? He left."

You freeze.

"Alban's been trying to get a hold of you for such a long time, but you never replied. So he thought you didn't want to talk to him anymore and naturally... He left."

"What? I've -- I've never heard about this! He stopped texting me after we..."

Again, he tilts his head. "After we...?"

"After we... moved... in..."

Realization shot through your mind. This never happened before. You and Alban are so close to each other, he should’ve noticed that something was up when you haven’t seen each other in so long! God, you should’ve noticed it too when you suddenly stopped receiving calls or messages from him. Everything that you had with him for so long just… stopped. This never happened before!

"What --" your foot stomps towards him, "what happened to him? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!"

Surprised by your outburst, he shoots up his hands against his chest. Waving them frantically in front of him, he responds, "Woah woah, calm down! I didn't do anything! He just left on his own, that's it. And the same applies for everyone."

"Everyone?"

"Your family? The rest of your friends? They all left! You should've seen what they were saying about you. About us."

He puts back on his hat, readjusting it to cover his head nicely. Once his hat was back on, he looked back at you with pity as he further explained, "They gossiped about how you’d leave me alone for days or weeks on end without telling me where you’d go. They would even talk about how heartless you are when you talked about leaving me! They didn't want to support you, nor did they want to support me. So they took the easy way out, by leaving you."

The man approaches you once more, his eyes never leaving your face as you do nothing but stare at him in shock. "They were conspiring against us, telling all of my enemies of my whereabouts and what you were doing to me!"

He starts to trail around you, circling you with a piercing stare that practically holds you in place. "You were so cruel to me! So... heartless."

Shoving his hands into his blue jacket’s pockets, he shakes his head in disapproval and clicks his tongue. "Word spread so fast that everyone thought that, hey, maybe it's safer if we just leave you. They don't need you. They don't even want you. All they want to do is cut you off and go about their lives! And now you want to go back to them after they left you? After you’ve hurt me?”

Disbelief and despair washes over you. Your head spirals deeper and deeper as your thoughts were plagued with these ideas. Why would they leave you? You didn’t do anything bad to them! This wasn’t your fault, it was his! It’s his fault that everything is like this! Or… was it really…?

You chose to date him. You chose to be with him. You even chose to stick with him through everything thin or thick because you loved him.

Loved…

Did you really love him?

“Sonny, I --” your voice breaks, tears start to brim at your eyes. You try to force yourself to speak about why you want to leave him. About why you’re sorry.

He notices your tone breaking as you can’t help but wipe at the tears threatening to fall down your face. Hurriedly, he closes the gap between you and immediately pulls you closer into his arms. "Shh... It's okay, it's okay… I forgive you. Sonny's here, okay? I’m here. No one can get you now... No one."

You feel his warmth welcoming you into his embrace. You couldn’t help but pull yourself closer into him, pressing your head and your body deeper into his hug.

As he softly rubs his hand against your back, he shifts another towards the back of your head. He gently coaxes you to look at him despite your ruined state. Rather than a look of disgust, you’re welcomed to love and adoration in his eyes and his smile. You close your eyes as his face gets closer, his lips pressing ever so gently against your temple. He tightens his hold around you, humming so peacefully.

"You're safe with me, and I'll always keep you safe. Always."

a/n: god he's so evil 😌

[cross-my-heartt]

Rewriting Rebels Thrawn (Part one?)

Hello everyone, I was planning to do some comparison posts for Rebels Thrawn and canon book Thrawn (because as it turns out they are very different) but then I got another idea:

What if I took scenes from Rebels and reimagined them to better fit Thrawn's portrayal in the canon trilogy and Ascendancy? This way we not only get to talk about CB Thrawn but also compare him to his Rebels counterpart.

So this is what we'll be doing here!

Also, I want to point out that this post isn't meant to dump on the Rebels version. Both are valid iterations and which one you prefer is up to you. This is merely a fun little exercise for myself and a post for those potentially curious to know more about CB Thrawn.

So without further ado, here's the scene we'll be looking at for this post (minor spoilers ahead):

There are three things here that will need addressing:

One, Thrawn's open display of anger. Two, his demonstration of physical violence. And finally, what motivated them in the first place (ie Slavin referring to the Klaikori as trash and suggesting they get rid of it).

In the show this scene suggests that Thrawn is the calm polite type whose composure is only a veneer. The kind of character who's unpredictable because they're cool and suave on the surface but show their true colors when provoked.

Canon book Thrawn, in contrast, demonstrates a composure that is very much real. He is so composed in fact that it often throws his opponents off balance, especially if they're purposefully trying to get a rise from him.

On the rare occasion he does display anger it's usually through a tensity or rigidness of sort (lips thinning, posture going stiff, his tone turning tense, etc.) and his overall manner becomes more cold and clipped as opposed to aggressive or passionate.

He is also a capable fighter but only resorts to physical violence if it serves a purpose. For instance, the first time he and Eli are in a fight, Eli doesn't even realize Thrawn can hold his own because he's holding back as part of a bigger plan.

In general CB Thrawn is more likely to intimidate opponents by revealing his ability to defeat them, making his weapon of choice verbal intimidation. Add to that a lack of sadistic inclinations and you get a character who's unlikely to resort to violence as long as there are other means of achieving his goals.

Can he be ruthless? Yes. But not in a situation that doesn't call for it. Which brings us to the thing that prompted his outburst:

Slavin's comment is something that's unlikely to elicit such a reaction in book canon Thrawn. Namely because he's more than used to people's attitude towards his art obsession. He's been ridiculed for it in both the Empire and in his home world and he never reacts to it aggressively (the few instances he's open about his feelings on it, he's more resigned than angry).

Thrawn faced similar alienation (pun intended) in the Empire for being an alien and even then Eli seemed to get more upset on his behalf than Thrawn did. Because again, he's used to it.

Now. With all of that said.

How would I rewrite this scene to fit book canon.

For starters, Thrawn keeps his composure, merely telling Slavin that his opinion is the reason why he's not calling the shots in this situation. When Slavin asks him what he means, Thrawn tells him that he's clearly not capable of appreciating the Kalikori's value, implying Slavin's incompetence.

Even better, Thrawn gets confused when his comment angers Slavin - in the books Thrawn is often incapable of distinguishing compliments and insults from factual statements - and he politely apologizes to Slavin, telling him that he didn't mean his words as an insult but was merely stating the facts.

Throughout the whole scene he's neither condescending nor annoyed or smug. He keeps a calm steady tone and leaves Slavin feeling wrong-footed and humiliated.

So the whole thing would look something like this:

"We should just destroy that piece of Twi'lek trash."

"And that is why, captain, you are not the one making the decisions here."

"What? What do you mean by that?"

"I am merely saying that you are unequipped to appreciate the value the Kalikori holds for us."

"Unequipped?" [Slavin sputters, indignant] "I would like to point out, sir, that I have been here on Ryloth far longer than you have."

[Thrawn stops and blinks at him]

"My apologies, captain, my comment seems to have offended you. I did not mean to cause any offense. I was merely stating the facts as they are."

[he turns and continues walking as if the topic is closed]

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm conducting an experiment that requires my attendance."

Alright, that concludes this scene! My subpar writing aside, I'm curious to hear what any book fans might think. I won't be going through each and every one of Thrawn's scenes but I hope to cover those that are the most obvious candidates for a rewrite (and oh boy, hopefully none of them will need as much revision as this one).

[ae-azile]

Progression - Chapter 30 Preview (Part 3!)

I wasn't going to share another preview, but since it is Pride Month and Thailand legalized same sex marriage, it felt appropriate to share this scene - which can sort of stand alone, even if you don't follow this particular story but love ArmKhun. 🙂

Scene/One-Shot under cut:

Tankhun had planned a private laser show on the beach!

“We can still watch the laser show,” Arm says, sounding like he is incredibly nervous, “I don't see why we wouldn't. I didn't realize you planned something like that. I just…This morning, you said you wanted tonight to be low-key. I didn't realize you planned a surprise of some sort. So I planned this because…because I love you. I never thought falling in love was in the cards for me. I just didn't. But I have had feelings for you for years, and they have only grown stronger since we got together and…was this not good enough? I had them decorate a secluded bridge over a koi pond with your favorite flowers and tea lights. There is a string quartet playing the song we first slow danced to. Did I do something wrong?” 

“Yes!” Tankhun says accusingly, putting his hands on his hips. Arm’s expression immediately looks crestfallen and Tankhun would normally feel TERRIBLE for making Arm feel that way, even for a second. 

But Arm beat him. He came up with this beautiful proposal with just the right amount of romanticism and intimacy. Even if Tankhun still had the opportunity to one up this, he wouldn't be able to. The laser show was supposed to be private and fun. Tankhun was going to play dumb and act like it was a surprise for him too. Songs that had meaning to them were to play before the daunting question spelled itself out across the sky. It had been incredibly expensive to come up with and make happen within forty-eight hours, and it isn’t even going to happen. 

“You…” Tankhun tries to explain, then lets out a groan, pulls the box out of his pocket, and waves it in the air, “You ruined MY proposal! It is scheduled for midnight. That is just in twenty minutes, and you beat me! Do you know how long I have been carrying this ring? Almost nine months! You could have developed a healthy baby in your womb during that time, and don't say that isn't possible! You’ve ruined my proposal with your perfect one, so you get to be knocked up with our child in this scenario and not point out the flaws in my logic! I want a girl! Accept!” 

When Tankhun finally calms down enough to take in his boyfriend's demeanor once more, he sees that he's holding back a laugh. He thinks this catastrophe is funny. 

“Arm!” Tankhun says, stomping his foot once, “Stop.” 

“I'm sorry,” Arm says quickly, then steps closer, “If I had realized you were going to propose to me, I would have just let you do the honors. It was very daunting and stressful to plan this out.” 

“And you think I didn't have the same experience?” Tankhun asks, “You should have given me a head's up! I would have cast my plans aside and geared myself up for such a beautiful moment!” 

“You’re the one who should have given me a head’s up!” Arm says defiantly, “You’ve had a ring for longer. I only got this one right after Kim moved back into the compound.” 

Tankhun looks at Arm sullenly, “You have only wanted to marry me half the time I’ve wanted to marry you?” 

Arm lets out a groan and steps closer, “Of course not. I was fooling around with different designs for months. I wanted something that would represent your taste and personality. I was looking at different shops online, visiting stores during my free time, and making calls. I finally decided on an online store when I looked into customer reviews, but even then, I spent a long time trying to figure out what would work for you! You can be picky, Khun! And I wanted to get something you would love but would still compliment mine if I designed one for myself because I want everyone to know we belonged to each other. I know I said I didn't mind that your family didn't know back when we were keeping this a secret from them, and that was mostly true. Your reasons for keeping it from them for so long were valid. But I knew that I would face them - or even approach them alone - if you said yes. I love you, Khun. I love how smart and charismatic you are, how devoted you are to your brothers. You love my sisters and nieces like they're your blood, and I love that about you too. I love how you treat your fish like they're your children and how creative you are in so many different ways. I especially love how strange, dramatic, and demanding you can be-” 

“I have never been strange, dramatic, or demanding!” Tankhun says shrilly, only for Arm to take his face in his hands. 

“You are. And if you suddenly stopped being that way, I would hate it. I love everything about you and want to marry you because you're it for me.” 

Arm lets his hands drop at that point and Tankhun lets the words sink in. While he is still slightly frustrated his proposal plan was derailed by Arm’s proposal plans, that was a beautiful declaration of love. A bit of a ramble at times, but Arm is more introverted than he is and was never on the debate team like Tankhun was. And even though Tankhun has the skills to make a beautiful speech, he supposes he would also be flustered if the situation was reversed. 

The situation could have easily been reversed if Arm had just waited a little longer. But Tankhun does appreciate the effort he has put into this. 

“Let me see the ring,” Tankhun says, then realizes that sounds slightly demanding and is proving Arm right, “Would you please show me the ring?” 

“You don't have to ask. I was going to show you when I got down on one knee and you interrupted me.” 

“You took me by surprise!” Tankhun says, then lets out a sigh and pushes the box back towards Arm, “I'm sorry I ruined your proposal. But to be fair, you ruined mine first. Take two!” 

Arm stares at him in bewilderment, “Huh?” 

“It means try again. Sheesh, Arm! Don't you watch any of the behind the scenes clips I send you for the dramas we binge?” Tankhun says, then pushes on Arm’s shoulders, “Go on. Get on one knee. I’ll be quiet this time, I promise!” 

“You promise?” Arm asks cautiously but slowly starts to lower himself to the floor of the bridge. Once he is fully in position, Tankhun nods in approval and Arm takes it as a signal to go ahead. 

“Tankhun,” Arm starts as he looks up at him, “I’ve cared for you since the first day I met you and loved you since that day my biological father unexpectedly visited the compound to bug me about money and you punched him so hard that he fell into the pool-” 

“That was five years ago!” Tankhun cuts in with surprise, but then lets out a laugh, “That was really funny! I punched him in front of all the guards! Even Chan laughed and…Sorry. I interrupted. Continue.” 

Arm smiles a little, then pulls the box out again, “I’ve loved you a little more and more each day - both the good ones and bad. I didn't think it was possible to love someone more, but when you made your feelings known too, I felt emotions I had never experienced. They were terrifying, exhilarating, and a comfort, and I will cherish you and what I feel for you every single day for the rest of our lives. Will you marry me?” 

When Arm shows him the ring, it's beautiful. It's a rose gold band with a larger inlay of a dark green stone, and a smaller one underneath that is white. It will stand out, but still be sleek and subtle, just like Arm’s is. 

In fact - other than the inlay colors - it looks a LOT like the one Tankhun made him. 

“Did you order that from this site?” Tankhun asks, pulling out his phone to look up the site in question.

Arm leans in to look at it, “How did you know?” 

“I had to pay so much in shipping costs just to get them to do yours!” Tankhun says, “I can't believe they profited so much from our love!” 

“Malai helped me out with it. She has embassy connections from her old job and access to an address they would freely ship to,” Arm says, “I didn't have to pay for the ridiculous fee they were asking for that way.”

“Ugh, I should have asked around!” Tankhun says, “I thought about it, but I didn't want word to get back to Pa and-” 

“Tankhun, you still haven't answered.” 

Tankhun gives him an exasperated look, “Well, of course it's a yes. I literally planned a proposal. You thought there was a chance of me saying no? You're so silly, Arm. You know, for someone so smart, you can be unsure of the undying and unconditional love myself and others have for you and-”

Before Tankhun can finish, Arm is back on his feet, slipping the ring onto Tankhun's left ring finger, and pulling him in for a deep kiss. Tankhun fully returns it as he wraps his arms around his boyfriend's shoulders and pulls him closer. 

His fiancé’s shoulders. Because that is what Arm is now. His fiancé. 

“So you talked to Malai about this and she didn't tell me even though we are going to be lawyers together,” Tankhun says with a sigh, “Did you tell the rest of your sisters?” 

“Just Hansa,” Arm says, still holding him close, “I figured Nalin and Preeda would bombarde me with different suggestions on how to ask you, which would just overwhelm me more. But other than Malai and Hansa, I told Pol.” 

Tankhun feels a jolt of annoyance, “I told Pol! I can't believe he knew we would have conflicting plans to propose to each other and he just let it happen!” 

“To be fair, he risked pissing both of us off if he would have said anything.” 

…That's true. 

“Did you ask Pa or Kinn for their permission?” Tankhun asks. 

Arm shakes his head, “It's your decision. Not theirs. I don't think either of us need their permission for this. We are our own people.” 

Tankhun grins at that, brings him in for another kiss, then cups his face, “I only told Pol and Nam at first, but I ended up telling Kim and Kinn on weed brownie night. Everyone approves.” 

“Even Kinn?” 

“He was much more supportive than I thought he would be,” Tankhun says, “Granted, that brownie hit him hard. He was concerned about having cancer. He thought there was a freckle on his nail bed, so I suppose his impending doom made him prioritize his concerns. It turned out to be speck from a marker when your nieces begged him to color with them. All of that worrying for nothing! But the few people who do know have been very supportive.” 

“Good,” Arm murmurs, “I'm glad.” 

“Me too,” Tankhun says gently, then kisses him once more. He could stay in this moment forever. 

Except…

“The laser show will start any minute!” Tankhun says with a shout as he breaks off the kiss, then presses his finger against Arm’s chest, “This didn't happen, okay? This proposal can re-enter your mind after I propose to you, but for now? You have to pretend to be surprised.” 

Arm bites back a smile, “Ah. Of course. So you said there was a good view of the beach over this way?” 

Tankhun preens under Arm’s willingness to play along, “I did! I can't wait to show you. I just thought of it a few minutes ago, but it's a new moon tonight. The sky should be dark and the stars will be easier to see. Oh, look! A string quartet! I wonder why they're here?” 

And while he hears Arm break character by laughing at the remark, Tankhun lets it slide. As soon as they are on the blanket and the laser show starts, complete with songs and impressive graphics, Arm is sucked in. And despite having a general idea of what the show is made up of, Tankhun finds himself sucked in as well. When the words, “Will you marry me?” are made up with a group of lit up drones, Tankhun lets out a sound of delight before sitting up. 

“Look at that!” Tankhun says, pointing at the sky, “I wonder who that is for?” 

“I wonder,” Arm says. When Tankhun glances down at him, he is taken aback when he sees tears glistening in Arm’s eyes. 

“Are you crying?” Tankhun asks, then glances up at the sky, “Is it that bad? I went with both privacy and technology, which are both things you like-”

“I loved it,” Arm says, his voice gruff, then quickly wipes his eyes, “And I'm not crying.” 

“Lies!” Tankhun declares, then claps his hands, “I moved you that much! So? Does that mean yes? Or are you not sure?” 

Arm squints at that, “Why do you think I wouldn't be sure? I just proposed to you less than ten minutes ago-”

“Shhh!” Tankhun says, hushing him, “Remember our agreement. That particular memory is wiped from our minds until my proposal has passed and we can make both proposal stories fun and sweet anecdotes to tell our seven daughters later.” 

“Seven?” 

Tankhun huffs, “I was robbed of sisters, Arm! There are plenty of reasons I call Kimberly by what should have been his name. I would have been a wonderful older brother to girls and I got younger brothers instead! Let me be a girl dad! I was cheated!"

“I am sure Kinn and Kim are both very grateful that things worked out the way they did.” 

“They better be,” Tankhun says, “So what do you say? Seven daughters? I was thinking one who is biologically yours, one who is biologically mine, one who is a surprise, and four adopted.” 

“...I am not opposed to having all girls.” 

“I didn't think you would be,” Tankhun says, “It suits you, being outnumbered by your sisters and nieces. Let's add onto the count-” 

“But I think we should only have two.” 

“Six.” 

“Three?” 

“Five!” 

“Four,” Arm says with a pointed finality. And even though four is technically closer to Arm’s original number than Tankhun's original number, he will accept it for now. There could always be a surprise twin or triplet that will pop up in their future surrogate’s pregnancy, or a group of several sisters who deserve to have the same home with two loving parents, or-

“Can we focus on the engagement and wedding planning before we have babies?” Arm asks, “We can look into egg donors or adoption websites as soon as we get back from the honeymoon, but-” 

“You need to say yes first.” 

“Hm?” 

Tankhun sighs, “You got on me about not giving you a clear answer to your proposal to me, but now you are delaying giving an answer to my proposal! It's rude, Arm! Not to mention hypocritical. We can only be engaged if you say yes.” 

“Even though you said yes to me already?” 

Tankhun raises an eyebrow, “You really need to learn how to roleplay. We shall add it to our sex lives and practice in the bedroom.” 

Arm sputters at that and while Tankhun genuinely enjoys making him this flustered, he wants a real answer. 

“Do you need to see the ring before you say yes or no?” Tankhun asks, pulling out the box again. It's only when he flips it open that he realizes how dark it is. 

“I don't need to be able to see the ring to tell you yes,” Arm tells him. 

“Fine, but hold onto your answer until you see it!” Tankhun says dismissively, “I worked really hard at designing it and I'm proud of it! I think you will really like it!” 

As Tankhun turns on the flashlight from his phone, Arm looks down at the ring and his smile gets wider. 

“It's a very nice ring. I love it.” 

“Good,” Tankhun says with a nod, then takes it out of the box and has it ready between his fingers, “You can give me your answer now.” 

Arm holds his left hand out and lets Tankhun hold it, “Yes. I will marry you.” 

Tankhun finds himself smiling ear to ear. And maybe - just maybe - there are tears in his eyes too. 

[rainbowsky]

hay rainbow,

Dis u see this?Its so hilarious

twitter.com/LiLi_Rksa/status/1640384000370810882?s=20

Yes, as a matter of fact I did.

Fake, fan fiction, CPN.

Along with this clip. And it is something I want to address because I think this is a very important issue for all turtles to be conscious of.

I am referring to the way that video clips can be used to manipulate and mislead people. While I think it's likely the 'eyeroll' clip you shared was edited, even actual, real-time unedited footage can be misleading. A segment of action is selected in a way that removes context and gives an impression that might not be accurate.

I have another clip I want everyone to take a look at, one that is not being shared in turtle circles - one that paints an entirely different picture of what's happening. I think it would be pretty difficult for people to look at this clip and claim that GG and YZ don't get along, or that GG was avoiding being near her.

So, just a bit of a reality check and reminder for turtles - myself included, as I was taken in by one of the clips - that we must always thoroughly investigate claims, particularly negative ones, before buying into them. Very often we are being misled.

Now, that's not always intentional. Someone might just see something happening in some footage and get angry and interpret it in a certain way, and then share it with others, completely not realizing that they aren't seeing the whole story. But the narrative gets written and reinforced and we all go along for the ride.

So what is really happening on that stage?

Well, it looks to me like GG and YZ are getting along fine. It's possible they agreed to appear together in the final shot, maybe to appease those who voted them to be Weibo king and queen (they were chosen in the vote by a wide margin but likely didn't want the dubious honor again).

From what I can see they appear happy to do so, and I don't see any animosity or contempt between them. The idea that GG hates her is a popular turtle narrative that I think is clearly incorrect. And I vastly prefer the idea they are friends to the idea that GG is being plagued by someone he hates.

And a dear friend pointed out to me yesterday that there's likely a more charitable explanation for the guy manhandling GG in that one clip as well.

As we may already know, it's a cultural thing for people in China to be almost competitively modest, trying to defer to the other person, step aside and let others in front of them, etc. We see GG and YZ doing that to each other at the foot of the stairs to the stage. DD also did this as he was taking the stage that night, and he frequently does this with trying to bow deeper than other people, etc.

And as my friend pointed out, it looks like GG was doing that a bit with the guy directing traffic - modestly trying to let others ahead of him so that he wouldn't end up standing at the center of the stage (the place of honor).

It's possible that man was just nudging GG to his rightful place near the center (where the Weibo producers would have wanted him as one of the most popular stars of the night) rather than let him bow away from the spotlight. I hadn't even noticed that there was this weird light sign thing that they were all posing behind, I wasn't really paying attention to that, but the Weibo producers would have wanted him near the center for their photos.

I think the 'modesty' interpretation is much more charitable, and given all the evidence I think that we should at least consider the possibility that's what happened there.

I think CPN and personal interpretations are totally fine - everyone gets to decide their own take on things. HOWEVER, I think we need to be very careful about what sort of picture we paint of GG and DD, what kind of people we claim them to be at the very least. This turtle narrative of GG hating YZ often paints GG as a vindictive, angry, even rude person.

For example, there was a turtle claim that GG kicked the hem of YZ's dress in anger and moved it out of his way, when it's far more likely - and far more in character for GG - that he moved the hem out of the way so that it wouldn't be stepped on. It's more likely that he was being a gentleman and looking out for the safety of another person. He would do that for anyone, we know that about him.

And aside from what we claim about GG and DD, we should also strive to be fair and honest about the people around them. I've said this about Du Hua and about Meng Ziyi, and now I'm saying it about Yang Zi - we need to stop piling hate on the women around GG and DD. It's so toxic and so misogynistic.

I need to be clear that I'm not condemning anyone who has felt those things (nor am I judging Anon). I myself have fallen prey to some of that. We are all just doing our best based on the information we have. But I feel that - for myself anyway - when we're presented with unadulterated evidence that we were wrong, we need to revise our position based on that and admit where we were wrong.

We also can't be constantly threatened every time a woman comes within ten feet of GG or DD. I see this happen a lot with turtles. We shouldn't be so insecure. We know GG and DD love each other, and that these women are just friends and colleagues.

I've always felt it's so sexist that women are treated that way, to be honest. Like they can't be friends with men without it being treated as something more. And then everyone wonders why men and women struggle to understand each other and get along well. Maybe if they were actually able to socialize freely with one another without it being treated as sexual or romantic, maybe they'd be better at connecting with one another.

Gender role heteronormativity is such a negative force. Let's try to keep ourselves in check, and look out for the ways that it might be encroaching on our own interpretations.

Just my two cents about it.

EDIT: Follow-up post here.

[crackingheart]

TW!! ABUSE

Angst & fluff

"Did I give you permission to talk?" With one move my boyfriend's hand connects with my face. I've gotten so used to this it doesn't make me cry anymore. How long has it been? One year and a half. "You're dismissed, get out of my sight you ugly witch." I obeyed like a dog. I walked out his room and shut the door to give him peace. I'm not so sure why I wasn't his peace.

He used to be so sweet to me. Until I caught him cheating and I threatened to leave. The time I caught Jack with my best friend Sophia, I cried harder than I ever did before. I told him I'll leave him and he got aggressive. He told me if I ever left he'd do worse things to me. So now I've been stuck, and scared.

"Y/N get your ass in here now!" I take a deep breath and I walk into his room he kicked me out of not too long ago. "You know how much I love you right?" He tells me, getting up from his spot on his bed. His steps growing louder as he gets closer to me. "Say something damn it!" He raises his hand and I flinch.

"Yes! I know how much you love me..." I plead hoping he doesn't hit me again.

"Good girl. Now put makeup on that ugly face and get ready. We're going out tonight." He shoos me away with his hand. Despite his insults I feel sort of happy that we're finally going on date. We haven't went on one since he cheated.

I apply makeup trying my hardest to cover bruises on my face that he left. Then I wear a fitted dress, and some heels. I do my hair then I leave the room. I see Jack waiting for me.

"Put on a jacket you slut." I sigh walking back into my room to follow his orders. When I walk out he leads to the car. The sun is pretty much set, perfect for a nightclub.

We arrive and Jack doesn't even look at me. He dashes away to go find some other girls to flirt with. I walk to the bar defeated, but Jack is a little close by to keep an eye on me.

"Can I buy you a drink, little lady?" I look to my left to see a handsome tall man. He has ice white hair and magenta eyes. He's also very fit. The air between us is thick and I realize he's waiting for me to respond. But is it okay to talk.

"Are you talking to me?.." I say loud enough for only him to hear. His lips curl into a smile and he says.

"Of course! The gorgeous girl sitting next to me." Gorgeous? I haven't gotten a compliment in so long.

"Sure, it's Y/N, just order me whatever you get." He looks at me strange. Then he laughs.

"You're a strange one aren't you, here have my number. I'm Tengen Uzui." He gives me his number on a piece of paper and I tuck it into my pocket. "Two shots of whiskey please." He says to the bartender. His smile is contagious and I feel myself smiling too. But every good thing has to come to an end.

"Who the fuck is this Y/N." I know that voice all too well, Jack.

"Sorry! I'm sorry!" But my pleads weren't enough, he punches me right in front of Tengen Uzui. I tumble out of my chair and I see Tengen get up. He's so much more taller than Jack when I see them side by side. Tengen grabs Jacks wrist so tight I can see Jacks hand tremble.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Tengen voice sounds so heavy. I know Jack is scared. Fuck. I know once we get home I'll get the worst punishment ever. I better end this now or else it'll get worse.

"Please Tengen stop!" I get up, rushing towards the scene.

"Why are you defending this dude?" His voice is concerned for me. But when he sees tears in my eyes he lets go. His body is pressed against mine and he whispers in my ear. "Text me if you need a place to stay." It sends shivers down my spine and he walks away.

Jack gets up and pulls me by my hair. He drags me into the car. The drive home was heavy and silent. I could tell he's thinking of all the ways he could torture me. He presses his foot on the gas pedal hard. We're home and he kicks me inside.

"Now you've done it!" He punches me and pushes me onto the ground. Kicking me repeatedly as I beg for mercy. "Stay here until I decide what to do with you, bitch." And like that he leaves me there on the floor to drown in my tears and blood.

‘Text me if you need a place to stay.’

Quickly I pull out my phone trotting toward my room. I put Tengen number in and I text him.

My fingers tap against my phone shakily fast. He said he’ll pick me up in 10 minutes. Great.

Ten minutes is more than enough for me to pack some clothes. It feels like a century before my phone buzzes and he said he was here. I sneakily run out of Jacks house into Tengens nice car.

I throw my stuff in the back seat and I break down crying. I see Tengen staring at me.

"Do you want me to go in there and beat him up?" Tengen says through gritted teeth. I could tell he was furious. His hands were turning paler on the wheel.

"I don't care. Just hurry up and drive far from here." I say through hiccups and tears. He swallows he's guilt down and drives off. The car drive was silent. But it wasn't the silence in the car with me and Jack. No, it was comfortable silence. I could see the house where all of my trauma started fading away as we drive.

I rest my body in the seat ignoring the cuts and bruises on me. It seems Uzui notices how bad he hurt me. He slides his hand against mine and he brushes his thumb on my palm. It calms me down a bit.

We pull into the driveway of a wealthy house. It was clean on the inside and I felt like I was the only dirty thing in the house. Suddenly I feel myself getting lifted into the air. Uzui picks me up bridal style.

"Tengen stop that I'm heavy." I say looking away. To my surprise he starts laughing.

"Pfft no you're not. I could carry you with three fingers." I can't help but smile at his comment. Jack could never pick me up, not like he ever tried.

Uzui carries me to the restroom and sits me on the closed lid toilet. He starts the tub with warm water for my soreness. While the tub is filling up he goes through drawers searching for something.

"Give me your arm, this might sting a little." He applies ointment on my cuts Jack left on me. I whine in pain. "It's okay pretty girl, it'll only hurt for a moment." He continues to reassure me and I can't help but smile. Once the tub is full and my wounds are disinfected. He gets up. "I'll be back, take your time in the tub." He winks at me and leaves. I undress myself revealing lots of bruises in the mirror. I soak in the tub and relax.

"Uzui I'm done!" I wrap the towel he left for me around myself. Oddly enough I get no response. I say sorry under my breath before opening the door to his bed room. He's not here? There's clothes on the bed and a note.

'I'm out getting groceries and clothes for you. I'll be back shortly, princess ;)'

He left me some of his clothes. I laugh at his efforts. He doesn't know that I brought my own clothes with me but it's still cute. My bag is on the floor next to his bed. I pick it up and pull out comfortable clothes.

I lay in his bed waiting for him to be back. My body is exhausted and my eyes start to close. I didn't notice I fell asleep.

I woke up to breath on my head. My eyes widen because somehow I crept onto Uzuis chest when I was asleep. I feel butterflies in my stomach. But I don't mind staying in this position for a while longer. I move my hand on his chest and I snuggle into his neck. I feel his hand wrap around my shoulder.

"Good morning, how do you feel?" Uzui's voice sounds sleepy. My stomach does flips, was he awake the entire time?

"I feel great thanks to you. Is there any way I could make it up to you." I say in almost a whisper. I feel his hand brush through my hair gently.

"Don't sweat it, Y/N" He never fails to comfort me. I pull him into a hug and his eyes widen. He hesitated for a moment, then hugged me back. Careful not to touch my cuts or bruises.

"Thank you, seriously." My voice cracks as I feel myself break down. My guard slipping away. He notices how my body starts to tremble.

"I'll go make breakfast. You can stay here" he pats me on the back, his body starts to get out of bed. But I don't like how it feels when I'm alone. I miss his warmth.

"Wait. Please let me come with you." He stops midway out the door. And he smiles at me.

"Come on then. You don't have to y'know." He walks towards me and offers me a hand. I grab his hand and I start to walk. My feet and legs are sore but I'll manage.

"I want to come with you." I don't look him in the eye but I could tell he feels a little happy whenever I say I wanna be with him. He doesn't let go of my hand, and we walk into the clean kitchen.

"So what do you wanna eat, princess?" He says sitting me down on a stool. I sit there thinking what I'm in the mood for. This is so much different than what I'm used too. I've never thought for myself it was always Jack who was in charge. But I like the change.

"Eggs, bacon, and pancakes?" I question hoping he'll like it.

"Pancakes? I have a friend who loves pancakes. Her names Mitsuri." He says with a smile, looks like he's thinking about his past. I can't help but wonder who this Mitsuri person is.

"Don't worry, she's married and has five kids." He said casually. It's like he could read my mind.

"Five kids!?" I say with my eyes wide. He nods in agreement. He gets pans and food we need to cook.

While I'm mixing the pancake batter and he makes the bacon, I can't help but wonder.

"Why did you invite me, a total stranger, into your house." He doesn't respond for a moment. Until he finally shares a little about his past.

"My sister used to be in a situation like you." His voice isn't as enthusiastic anymore, more like a whisper with hate behind it. I feel guilty for bringing it up.

"I'm sorry I didn't know." And before I could apologize he stops me. He hugs me from behind.

"No need to get worked up about it, it was a long time ago. I also couldn't help myself when I say you were very beautiful." He says into my ear. A smile creeps onto my face and I don't know what to say.

"Thank you Tengen, you're attractive yourself y'know." I laugh with his head resting on my shoulder. His large hands on my hips.

"I know. But I'm just stating the truth." We stay still against each other for a while until I smell something burning.

"Uzui are you burning the bacon?"

"Maybe."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[nakimkcapstone]

From my Weekly Engagement

Being mid-production of my final presentable, one thing I need to be more aware of in the future of general production is understanding limits of my actors, my production, and just my overall ambitions.

Many people know the story of Icarus and his journey too close to the sun. Unfortunately for me, my capstone started to mirror that.

My goal of this production was honestly very ambitious. So much to the point where I was looking to try and do all my dialogue for the short film in Japanese. My hope was to find cast who was able to fluently speak in Japanese, while at the same time being able to communicate and direct them in english. I shot myself in the foot with that request as it began to make me question “was it worth it?”. Subsequently, when I did find people who were willing to be a part of my production, Japanese was not one of their languages. Even people who were speakers that I asked to help me proof-read my script were not entirely 100% fluent, and could only help me so much. Ultimately I had to dial it back, as the closer I am to the end of the semester, the more I realize that my vision for something bigger was a little too close to the sun.

Fortunately for me, this wasn’t the end. I have found a great cast of people, all of which are talented actors, and they have been able to guide and help me out as much as they could; calling in favors to other friends and meeting with people who did know the language to at least bring some sort of authenticity to my project. I am very thankful for their passion and ambition with this project, even though at some points it sounds very unachievable, but that is sort of the point; to push myself into this unknown area and figure it out. That’s the only true way to build character.

I am learning that even though the focus of my capstone is to try and allow AI to help me as a tool, that there are still so many other factors and aspects that I just need to do, no hesitations. With this moving forward, I aim to rehearse with my actors, finish gathering my props, and make sure everything is smooth as possible for when we do finally start our principle photography, and from there we will move forward.

[dehya-selei]

when my feelings start to drip into some semblance of despair, i try to snap out of it because it’s too unpleasant. it’s like stepping into quicksand, stand too long and you’ll sink into a black hole that’ll never end so i always have one foot on the edge...

Most of the time I don’t think much of my feelings. But i’ve come to process or in the process of processing a difficult emotion.

I realize the times in my life when i’m at the lowest point, it hurts me the most when I hide everything from those closest to me.

If I had to describe what growing up with a narc mother had taught me sums it up in this analogy: i think of myself at my lowest point like a deer shot in the leg. and what i’m the most afraid of isn’t the hunter. it’s limping in front of my own family. those closest to me would scrutinize me for getting shot or for limping or both. not only that, i would be most afraid of the emotional onslaught of dealing with my family and their verbal abuse. so i limp myself into a cave where no one can see me. this is the pain i’ve dealt with in the past with depression and anxiety. i hid from my family because they would only add to my pain. and it was more painful knowing that in my lowest point, i would have no where to go and feel safe but the people closest to me would be the most threatening. i was never really able to describe this feeling to my friends because it’s been so hard to vocalize. i don’t mean to dwell in the past, it’s just sometimes i feel these emotions, and need to be left alone. when i’m at my lowest point, it really hurts knowing that i have a hard time relying on anyone. it was the hardest living with family and being forced to hide when i was breaking down inside. it was hard forcing myself to smile and hide the depression and how it was negatively impacting my life at work and having to pretend that everything was okay. not only did i have to deal with the depression alone, but i had to use up my remaining energy preventing my family from causing emotional abuse to me by putting on a front. But not living with them anymore, has healed me to some extent.

every now in then on a blue moon, i remember these feelings. i put them down somewhere, one day these feelings won’t be true anymore. i don’t really seek out a past that never existed, nor can i change what has happened growing up with abusive and unloving people. i don’t have the energy to create what i’ve always wanted to ceaselessly chase after relationships to fill some sort of void. but so far life has taught me that i want to be self-reliant. i feel like there’s no one i can really rely on but myself. i know it’s not the best way to think, but i guess it’s a crutch i have that keeps me going i guess so i use it.

when my feelings start to drip into some semblance of despair, i try to snap out of it because it’s too unpleasant. it’s like stepping into quicksand, stand too long and you’ll sink into a black hole that’ll never end so i always have one foot on the edge. sometimes i allow myself to feel wondering if i stay numb too long it’ll have some bad future implications. but sometimes it feels good to feel something and wallow for a little bit. but i always know that, it does no practical good in wallowing for longer than a couple minutes. having that experience with depression, i am so much more aware that my state of mind and how much unconscious thoughts and feelings to grow at any one given moment, can lead to prominent changes that become knots that are so difficult to undo. 

but i know now that the only thing i can really do to combat those feelings is to immediately get out of bed and start working on something. wether it’s learning a new skill or just working on my portfolio. it kind of tricks my brain into thinking i can actually do something about whatever problem i’m having (even though the solution does quite match the problem in the realm of feelings or emotions), but my brain doesn’t know that. but i’m happy that i don’t have to wallow very long in things that don’t help me. and grateful for the energy to work and to allow myself to grow into something better, hopefully by taking small steps to change things for the better. progress is all that really matters to me at this point.

[woodedsilence]

Repeat Rambling

Last month had me changing up my personal plans at the last minute. July has me doing the same!

I’m curious why these things are happening, especially since I had fully decided to be done with all of this. If you recall in my earlier post, I had decided a slow paced Summer of relaxing, sorting & organizing my life was what I was going to do this year. But, visitors decided to come up. I had just unwound from all of that & decided to reclaim what little bit of Summer there was left to at least try to partly achieve my goals. When an hour later, almost on the dot, another call, another visit, another week of not doing what I wanted to do with my Summer. I had just brought up a bunch of boxes to sort through into my dining room when the phone rang!

I think because I am attempting for once to be selfish in my life with my time, I’m having trouble grasping the lesson to be learned here. Maybe the lesson is to put my foot down and refuse to be treated like this. Except they aren’t really treating me like anything. They just haven’t seen us in awhile and want to stop by on their way through town.

So maybe there is a lesson I am to learn with an entirely different situation altogether. Last night I opened up to someone about a deep struggle I’ve been having. I felt totally lost in my thoughts and needed someone, anyone to talk to. The only thing with me is, I only have 2 somebodies in my life. I felt desperate like a mouse trapped in a corner being stalked by three cats.

The subject, I knew, would be sensitive to this person and I tried wording things as gentle as I could because they have a tendency to not understand that I am not attacking or judging. I just have my own set of fears attached to this issue & honestly I have that right to be scared about it. Although many people will say it is selfish for me to have any problems because it isn’t me going through it, just my significant other. Like there are no valid emotions to be felt except pure unaltered support 100% of the time. I’m not allowed to feel anything here. Which, before I kind of agreed. But, now that I’m on the other side, everyone involved has the right to their emotions about it, sometimes even the negative ones. Life isn’t fair for anyone involved and it takes adjustments.

Anyway, I was only mid freakout when they decided to up and leave without telling me they had to go. They didn’t say hey, I will get back to you later or I know you’re going through something. But, I already had plans so I may not be able to get back to you right away not even a BRB. They just stopped reading and left. I thought they were waiting for me to get my freakout done then they would read and get back to me. I waited almost an hour for a response when I saw they posted about going out to dinner! They were probably being seated at the restaurant by the time I realized they were ignoring me altogether not waiting for me to get it all out.

The pathetic thing is, that’s just how they are with me and I honestly have no idea why I thought it would be any different this time. Why do I keep doing this with them? There was something different this time however. Instead of feeling like they let me down, I realized I was only letting myself down by continuing to want them in my life. I did a card pull for myself, something simple to get a better guided mind set.

It confirmed everything that was swirling through my head. I’m hoping my ability to realize how dependent I had been on this person to be a person they could never be is a sign I might actually be ready to move on and away from it all.  My cards were: Past: 2 of Pentacle {R}: Plans will not run smoothly. Present: 7 of Wands {R}: Plumb your own depth & feel the strength within Future: The world: Now you’re free to go into any direction

So maybe being able to be insistent that I am not okay with one situation has helped me find the strength I needed to walk away from another situation altogether?

It’s only a shot in the dark at this point as I have no one to talk to and confirm my thought process here. I am my own best judgement however. So, maybe?

Well, you know me and my inability to end blog posts better.                                                 So, until next time.

-Wooded Silence

[mercy-burning]

Good Little Helper

Pairing: Season 5! Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Reader gets assigned to be Spencer’s personal assistant of sorts after he gets shot in the knee. Category: SMUT(18+) Content Warnings: fingering (female receiving), blowjob, praise kink, dirty talk, blink and you’ll miss it cumplay Word Count: 4.7k

MASTERLIST

NOTE: So, remember yesterday when I posted about how I wished new ideas would stop distracting me from everything I’m currently working on? Yeah. This wouldn’t leave me alone, and I couldn’t work on anything until I got it out of my head, so here! Have a fic! (It was supposed to be a blurb, but I got a little long-winded so now it’s too long to be a blurb oops 😙✌) Also, I apologize for any editing mistakes, I just wrote this out in one go, so hopefully it’s alright!

***

Being assigned to assist Dr. Reid with practically his every need after he was shot in the knee wasn't exactly how I expected to spend the past few months.

And that's, like... a huge understatement.

In fact, when Agent Hotchner came up to me in the break room and said he'd like me to do the job, I dropped my coffee and shattered a mug. I could tell he was a little impatient with me, even through his kind reassurances that it was quite all right as he helped me clean it up and waited for an answer.

In the end I'd said yes to the job, though the more I thought about it the more I wondered how much lust and naivete had clouded my judgement when I did.

Because there was absolutely no way I was going to be able to survive weeks, possibly months, as Spencer Reid's assistant. Not only because he was intimidatingly intelligent and there was almost nothing I could offer him in decent conversation, but also—and more prominently—the fact that I was pretty sure I was in love with him.

Maybe that was a stretch. I definitely had a stupid major crush on him that felt more like we were in middle school, but I could barely look at him without going warm all over. In fact, I think we had only ever made eye contact once and I averted my gaze immediately, afraid I'd give myself away. If I'd have held it any longer, I was positive I'd have burst into flames.

He'd tried talking to me once, a few months after I started working at the Bureau, and it was only to ask if I'd send some files over to their tech analyst, Penelope Garcia, but when I tried answering, I stumbled over my words and ended up only getting out a squeaked, "Uh huh," before taking the files from him and scurrying off.

I almost cried that day.

Basically every time I was in his presence, I was a total wreck. Even more so than I was on any other given day.

Being his assistant did get fairly easy pretty early on, though. I mostly just stayed out of his way while he worked, and if he need anything that he could've gotten himself if not for the injury, it was my job to get it for him. I worked on my own paperwork most of the time, and he was always busy working on geographical profiles and whatever else, we only ever really had to talk when he asked for something. And that only required a, "Sure," on my end, so I could just get up, get what he needed, and then go back to work.

Still, it didn't help that sometimes I'd get distracted.

He was very distracting.

I usually waited until I was sure he was so busy in work that I wouldn't get caught. And that's when I'd peek over my computer or hide behind a book and stare at him. I know that sounds creepier than it is, but if you had to spend almost every hour of the day with him, you'd have done the same. Even though for months he was put on rest from the field, he always showed up looking more like a college professor than an FBI agent. Which, I suppose suited him more anyway. Regardless, it was a damn fine look. His hair was decently long and extremely pretty, and when he got the cane?

I was a goner.

It was at that point, though, when I started to realize that he probably wouldn't need my help anymore. He'd been allowed back into the filed by then, and even when I went with them on cases it still felt like I was more out of place than usual. Sure, I'd picked up on some minor skills that aided in profiling and otherwise, but at the end of the day I was still only a desk clerk. Sooner or later, I knew there would be a time where Agent Hotchner would inevitably tell me that I'd done a good job and could return to my menial day job.

So, even though Dr. Reid and I had gotten into a pretty regular, non-awkward rhythm, I was being a little more squirrely than usual.

And of course, he noticed.

"Y/N, are you doing alright?" he asked, looking up from his stack of paperwork. That was another thing we'd ended up doing— late into the night after everyone had gone home, we stayed late in the conference room and quietly filled out paperwork.

I barely looked him in the eye when I answered. "O—Oh, mhm. I'm fine."

"Oh... You just seem... a little different today."

On any other day I would have freaked out on the inside like a teenager, excited that he'd noticed me at all enough to notice a difference in my behavior. But that was his job after all.

"Actually, you seem rather... sad."

I did look up at him this time, and the soft glow of the table lamp lit up his features— features that looked me over with concern. I could feel my face grow warmer with every second I looked at him, until I quickly looked back down at my paper and shook my head.

"N—No, I'm okay. Promise. Just a little tired, that's all."

Usually he would have left it at that, given we didn't ever really have longer conversations than that that didn't pertain to whatever case the BAU was working on. But he pushed further, and I swallowed.

"Are you sure? Because... You can tell me if there's something wrong. I'm a good listener..."

Did I dare tell him what was really plaguing me? That I was scared I wasn't going to be able to spend time with him every day, thus most likely giving away my crush? That is, if he hadn't already figured it out by this point... Truthfully it wouldn't have surprised me.

The thought made me go warm again, and still, I kept my head down.

"I'm sure..."

And then I did something I probably shouldn't have. I looked back up at him, just a quick glance, but under his intense gaze I crumbled, flitting my eyes back down and playing with my hands.

"Is it... because of me?"

Afraid suddenly that I'd made him feel bad, I straightened a little. "No! No, not at all I... Um... I—I guess I'm just... A little sad that I'm probably... not going to be of any help to you anymore. You know, now that you're healing up."

A small smile flashed over his face, and I inwardly melted.

"Oh... In that case I... I guess I'm sad, too."

"Really?" I asked softly, my heart jumping.

"Mhm," he answered back in earnest. His features were softer than they'd ever been, eyes wide and kind, smile inviting... "You've been a great help. And you're fun to be around."

I couldn't help but smile shyly at his confession, completely bewildered that he'd think of me as someone he'd enjoyed being around, though I'd offered just about nothing interesting to any conversation we'd had. "Y—You don't mean that..."

"I do."

"C'mon, really? I... I—mean... coming from you that's... that's too generous."

He laughed a little. "How do you mean?"

"I... Well, y—you're you... I mean, you're... smart, and nice, and cu— uh,... n—nice..." I stumbled hard on that last one, squeezing my eyes shut at the thought of almost calling him cute to his face... And then I realized I'd called him nice two times... in a row.

I hadn't even realized he'd gotten up and walked over to me until I felt his cane gently tap my leg. I jumped, looking up at him and almost crumbled again right then and there. He stood over me, tall and clearly amused, and I wanted to just curl up and hide where no one would ever find me.

I also didn't want to be craning my neck so far up to see him, so I stood up, sending my chair rolling back a foot or two. The added height was better, but he was still fiarly taller than me, and with the way were standing so close to each other?

Maybe I'd made a mistake...

"I—I'm sorry," I stammered.

Still amused, Spencer tilted his head a small amount. "What for?"

"I... I don't know, m—making this awkward?"

"It's not awkward."

"It... It's not?"

He shook his head, quiet for a few beats before he nearly whispered. "What were you going to say?"

I paused. "I... What?"

"Before... You said I was smart. And nice... And... What else?"

It sounded like he was trying to get me to confess something, and quite honestly I couldn't tell if it was for humiliation or amusement or clarification purposes. I mean, it was probably safe to assume he wouldn't go out of his way to humiliate me, but... it still made me nervous.

"I—I didn't... I..."

"Y/N... Tell me?"

I'd been cornered. Quite literally, too, as my lower back hit the edge of the table. My hands shook anxiously at my sides as I contemplated what to say. The truth? Embarrassing for me. A lie? I was no good at telling lies, and I'd still end up embarrassed, because he'd be able to tell.

So, after a very long silence in which he waited on me to answer, I blurted out, as quietly as possible, "Cute."

The word sounded juvenile coming from my mouth. Right now, standing under Dr. Reid's intense scrutiny, it didn't even feel like the right word to describe him. Not that it wasn't true... But it just wasn't an elegant enough descriptor for him.

And that alone probably proved just how different we were. How out of my league he was...

"That's what I thought you were going to say," he mused, slightly breaking me out of my self-deprecation.

I would have asked him something then, anything to keep myself from looking like even more of a fool with a childish schoolgirl crush, but all words escaped me entirely. All I could do was look up at him, slowly growing warm under the intensity of his eyes and praying he wouldn't think of me as silly.

Though, it wouldn't have mattered, because he kept talking anyway, his body taking up even more space around me as his arms came around to well and truly trap me against the table.

"You're right, you know... I'm almost completely healed, and pretty soon I think I won't need an assistant anymore."

I was scared that maybe I was wrong before, and he'd actually humiliate me now, though the look in his eyes suggested otherwise. I wasn't sure what to make of all of it. SO I just stood there, trying to breath steadily as Spencer studied my face.

"And I meant it... That makes me sad. You know why?"

I shook my head, afraid to make a sound.

His head dipped lower, close enough that I could feel his breath on my mouth as he spoke. "I probably won't get to see you every day."

"Y—you want to see me?" I couldn't help but ask.

He scanned my eyes, amusement and something else lingering there as he did. "Yes."

And then he kissed me.

It was a short distance, but it felt like we went far. And I hadn't even registered that I whimpered into his mouth until he returned it with a low groan that boiled my insides and absolutely melted me. I was helpless against him as he pressed himself further against me and used his hands to keep my back steady.

The whole time my mind was swimming with dizziness. It felt like my body was covered in butterflies from head to toe, particularly strong where his hands pressed into me and his cane rested firmly along the inside of my thigh.

I leaned forward when he pulled away, because I was afraid that he was saying goodbye. But one of his hands came up to my face and my eyes fluttered open, immediately taking notice of how messy his hair was now that I'd had my fingers in it.

I must have looked scared, because suddenly his eyes changed, and he removed his hands away from me altogether, putting distance in between us. "I—I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you without asking..."

The relief that rushed through my body must have gotten to my head, because I breathed out a demand I'd never have had the courage to get out before.

"Do it again."

One second I was staring at him, admittedly afraid that he'd regretted all of it, and the next I was seeing stars as he came forward and kissed me again. His hands cradled my face as he did so, coming on to me with gentle care while still maintaining that hunger that surprised and excited me.

I hadn't realized how much I missed his touch until he'd given it back to me, my body once again melting into him and allowing him to do whatever it is that pleased him.

Apparently that was lifting my leg off the ground and making me sit on the table.

My body went along with it easily, and I was glad for it because my brain was nothing but mush, unable to process fully how he'd decided that I was worth kissing. All I really knew was that I wanted him. Anything he wanted from me, I was willing to give. And that must have come across very clearly, because when he pulled away and spoke to me, I whimpered at his words.

"Y/N... You've been such a good girl, helping me with whatever I needed these past few months..." Meanwhile his hand danced along the hem of my skirt, the tiny brushes of his skin against mine sending me into a mess of shivers.

"I think it's about time I've thanked you for all your help, don't you think?"

The implications in his tone made me whine again, and I pressed my forehead into his, our noses brushing as I answered. "Please."

I was so taken by the way he groaned as his lips connected with mine once more that I almost didn't realize that his hand was now fully up my skirt, his fingers drawing gentle lines over my panties and practically making me melt again. His hungry kisses contradicted the softness he took to my clothed cunt, a fact that warmed me to my core and made me want him more than ever.

When he slipped the fabric aside and ran the pad of his finger through me, I whined hard against his mouth, something that must have excited him— He nipped at my bottom lip and took a deep breath.

"How long have you wanted this, Princess?"

If not for the kissing and the finger slowly sliding up through my arousal, the nickname would have done me in. By now I was an utter wreck, but I somehow still managed to answer, even through a little stammering. "F—Forever."

It was the best I could come up with.

He breathed a laugh as his finger circled my clit. "That's a long time..."

"Uh huh," was all I could manage in response. My body and my brain were too focused on the things his finger was doing to my body, involuntarily rolling my hips forward for more. I needed more.

Thankfully he picked up on my urgency and reciprocated with slipping his middle finger inside me, one knuckle, then two...

I cried out as my head lurched forward, connecting our mouths once again. My hands clutched around his neck and my fingers tugged at his hair to keep myself from falling, because the slow, searing pace at which he fingered me made me wonder how I'd still been able to breathe.

He added another finger soon enough, picking up the pace and rendering me practically useless in his embrace. Meanwhile I registered the sound of his own little whines, still deeper than mine but little enough to tip me off that he was enjoying this just as much as I was, and that alone helped get me further along in pleasure.

I pulled my mouth from his reluctantly, squeezing my eyes shut as I allowed my forehead to rest against his. "D—Doctor, I'm c... I'm so close."

"His honorific falling breathlessly from my mouth seemed to do something sinister to him, because his fingers sped up and his breathing got heavier.

"Yeah? You gonna come for me, Princess?"

My stomach tightened and I nodded as best as I could, relishing in the sounds coming from below us, wet and downright filthy.

"Go ahead...Be a good girl and come for me... You deserve it..."

Each little sentence was punctuated with a slightly faster pace, each one bringing me closer and closer until I squeaked into his mouth and shook violently around his fingers, my vision going white. My legs had been open wide since he'd started teasing under my skirt, but now they threatened to clamp shut from the intensity. But I wanted nothing more than to be good for him, to make this as easy as possible, so I held out and kept them open as wide as I could stand as my orgasm rocked through me.

Spencer whispered praises into my skin as his hand slowed and his mouth trailed down to my neck. And even though it was more than nice feeling him lick and bite over my skin, I felt rather sad when he removed his fingers from me.

That sadness didn't last long though, not when he pulled back and studied me for a moment, eyes lust-blown and purely ravenous before he brought his glistening fingers up to my mouth.

I didn't even have to think. I brought my tongue out and let him slip his fingers over it, closing my mouth around them and sighing as I sucked them clean. This only seemed to excite him more, his features displaying all sorts of desperation until he couldn't take it anymore.

He kissed me again, bringing both his hands to rest at my waist. And with his hands so low I wondered if maybe he'd take to ridding himself of his own pants, but it never happened. Rather, he pulled away after minutes of more kissing, and sighed quite sadly as his upper body pressed firmly into mine.

Something else pressed firmly against me as well—right along the inside of my thigh—and I gasped, mind running wild through all the possible outcomes of the night.

But Spencer only stood there, occasionally nudging his nose against mine while his hands gently kneaded my sides.

"D—Do you want to stop?" I asked softly, afraid he'd regret what we did.

He proved me wrong. "God, no... It's... It's just that I'm still not cleared enough for any... strenuous activity on my leg, and I don't..."

I didn't want to push him, obviously, but I thought I could make the mood a little lighter. "O—Oh, well on the bright side... I could stay your assistant for a while longer."

The laugh that rumbled in his throat made me smile, though from the way he stood there, I knew he wouldn't risk it.

"Um... Raincheck?" he whispered.

On the one hand, that meant he definitely wanted to see me again, and I was more than happy with that. But also, that meant our fun for the night was done...

Yet... Maybe not...

"Sure," I answered, pecking his lips once more. Then I brought my hand to his chest and slid it down until I reached his belt, and I leaned back to look him in the eye, a boldness I never imagined coming from me in a million years.

"But I can still help you..."

I watched the desperation and disappointment in his features slowly dissolve into a newfound hunger—and an amusement—that grew my confidence tenfold.

"Oh?" Spencer mused. "How do you suppose you can help me this time?"

He wanted me to say it. So, without second guessing myself anymore, I grazed my finger over his erection. "I'm very good with my mouth, Dr. Reid."

He grabbed me by the hand then, dragging me along to the chair I'd kicked back before and sat himself down, one of his hands still gripping the cane. Matched with the desire in his eyes and the swollenness of his lips and the tousled strands of his hair, the sight was truly something to behold. It was something that only ever existed in my dreams, nd now it was real.

Not wanting to waste any time, I sunk to my knees and nestled myself in between his legs. He reached out and caressed my cheek before lifting my chin with his middle finger.

"You like being my good little helper?" he drawled.

I tried to nod, but he clicked his tongue and held my chin in place. "Words, Princess."

"Yes. I—I'd do anything you asked. Anything you want, it's yours..."

He hummed then, removing his hand from my face and moving to undo his belt swiftly with only one hand. The action, the sound, everything... it was enough to make me wet again, and I subtly ground down onto the heel of my foot as I watched him pull himself free from the confines of his pants.

I didn't have time to marvel at him before I was drawn forward like a magnet, my hands crawling up his legs and my eyes batting up at him, ready and eager to please him however he wanted.

"Eager, are we?" he mused once more, gently stroking himself with his hand.

"Yes, Doctor," I breathed, inching closer and kissing the outside of his hand.

His movement stopped then, and it didn't take longer than a second for him to decide to let me work on my own.

"Then have at it, Princess..."

I started by kissing my way up the length of him, taking my time to gauge his reactions as I did so, occasionally darting my tongue out to taste him. Once I reached the tip, I sucked on it gently, using my tongue to swirl around it until I could taste the saltiness of his precum.

And then I started taking him slowly into my mouth, watching above me as Spencer's eyes started to shut, obviously debating whether or not to lay back and enjoy this or watch me intently.

Either way, I was more than happy to keep it up, finally getting him to the back of my throat. I flexed my tongue and held him there as long as I could, promptly gagging over him and blinking tears from my eyes as he let out a loudest sound I'd heard from him yet. His head flew back and his tongue quivered along his bottom lip as he cursed my name.

The act made me proud, so I retreated for air, sucked at his tip again for a few seconds, and then repeated it, taking him down my throat again and watching through teary eyes as he visibly swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Fuck, Y/N, you're so... Such a good fucking girl..."

The praise caused my insides to burn hot, and I ground down onto my heel again, lifting my mouth to start bobbing up and down.

His eyes opened then, and he looked down at me, using his hand to brush stray hair from my face and the other to grip onto his cane for dear life. I looked up at him the whole time, making sure to convey through not only my actions but also my eyes that I loved this. I thrived off of his praise, I enjoyed the feel of his dick gliding over my tongue and hitting the back of my throat, and I longed to feel him coat the inside of my mouth with his release.

I was so entirely into him in every capacity, it wasn't even funny.

I was so glad he could tell, a smile grazing his features as his hand gently gripped some of my hair. "So eager to please, Princess... And so fucking good at delivering..."

I whined onto his dick as he held me down, rendering me immobile. The only thing I could do was look up at him and choke, and of course, I was more than happy to do it. In turn, I was met with a deep groan and a tug of the hair.

"Hold it, hold it... Atta girl..."

My cunt throbbed at his words, and my throat continued to burn, tears falling down my face at ten-speed until finally, he let up and pulled me off of him.

I coughed a little and blinked away tears as I caught my breath, Spencer's fingers combing hair from my face as he smiled proudly.

He didn't even need to say anything then. I wanted to give him more. So I leaned down again and took him in my mouth, quickly making work of his tip while my hand came up and stroked the rest of him.

"Fuck, Princess, just like that... Make me come just like that..."

Rather than just continuing, I offered him a high whine and a wide gaze, hoping to exceed expectations.

I guess it worked, because he came right then, his dick pulsing over my tongue and in my hand as his warm release shot down my throat and over my tongue. I hummed around him, fluttering my eyes closed at the taste and the feeling, probably enjoying the fact that I'd done this to him more than I should have.

It was worth it to see the look on his face, though, after he'd given me all he had and I purposely spit some of it out onto the tip of his dick so I could lick it up and give him just a little more stimulation after the fact. His mouth hung open, eyes heavy and unwilling to leave me, even as I finished and sat back to wipe the tears and saliva from my face with a satisfied smile.

Though, the longer he looked at me, the more shy I became. Funny when I'd just had his dick down my throat, but I'd never been good with people staring at me for long periods of time.

"Was that... Was that okay?" I asked, suddenly worried I hadn't done something to his standards. "I know I don't do this a lot, so I'm sorry if it wasn't that g—"

"Y/N..."

I blinked up at him, still on my knees and unwilling to move. Not that I wanted to, but I couldn't even if I had.

"That was fucking perfect... I meant it, you're... so good."

I knew he was capable of better words, but after having the life sucked out of you, I could imagine 'better words' were hard to come by. Still, I laughed a little, playing with the hem of my skirt. "Good. I'm... glad I could help."

He smiled at me, readjusting his pants and then moving to help me off the ground.

"Hey, uh... Even when you go back to your regular job after I get better, I... I hope you know you're always welcome to come visit me if we're not busy."

The words warmed me in a different way, my heart swelling as well. "You... You mean that?"

Spencer nodded, grabbing my hand and dragging his thumb over my wrist. "Of course. I mean, you're more than just a good helper, you know. You're also kind, and smart, and cute..."

I laughed at his emphasis on cute, heat warming my face. "Ha-ha..."

"I really mean it, though," he said softly, removing his hand from mind and bringing it up to lift my chin, so I'd meet his eyes. They were swimming with sincerity, the epitome of warmth and comfort and kindness— the kind that always drew me to him in the first place. "And... If you'd want to maybe ditch the paperwork one day and grab a coffee or something, maybe—"

"Yes," I interrupted without thinking. My heartbeat picked up upon seeing the look in his eyes when I agreed, a mixture of amusement and relief. "Y—Yes, I'd love to."

"Good. Then it's a date?"

"Definitely."

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[spectaclespencer]

P.H. // Part 3; Need To Know

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

A/N; Chapter 3!! Yay! I will not lie I got kind of lazy and burnt out when I finally got to the smut scene, and for that I am sorry. I’ll make it up to you guys with a future chapter.

Summary; Reader can’t get her mind off of Spencer, which causes distractions at work. Until one day when he catches on.

Category; Smut (Minors DNI!!!)

Content Warnings; Swearing, Kissing, Mentions of masturbation, Unprotected sex, Fingering, Oral (Male receiving), Drinking, Mentions of being shot, Kinda Sub!Spencer, Virgin!Spencer (but not by the end of it)

Word Count; 7.2k

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‘Wanna know what it's like (like)

Baby, show me what it's like (like)

I don't really got no type (type)

I just wanna fuck all night’

Spencer Reid. The object of my attraction, the man I fell harder for with every stolen glance I could manage to throw his way. I was obsessed, and that infatuation only grew stronger every day that I saw him at work.

When we went out to bars after cases we ended up in an inevitable game of Never Have I Ever like a bunch of high school kids. With Emily and Derek in the group it almost always turned sexual. It started with innocent things such as; Never have I ever kicked down a door -- to which Derek drinks. There were some targeted jabs, I got Spencer a few times when I brought up an activity I was certain he had done -- just to keep him involved.

However he never drank past that. He never took a sip when Emily made a sexual innuendo, or when she brought up one night stands, number of partners, most bizarre location to engage in intercourse. Nothing of the sort got him to break. I figured he was a private guy, never one to boast about his sexual experiences.

It was frustrating, to say the least. It got to the point where I couldn’t think about anyone but him. I couldn’t engage in any sexual activity without my mind shifting to him, the way he might slip his fingers in and out of me, or how skilled he was with his mouth instead of the person I dragged home. No other person could even begin to compare to the remedy I concocted in my mind. I didn’t have any information to base my fantasies on, either.

I had it bad. So bad, that at one point I spilled hot coffee all over myself in the breakroom over the littlest interaction.

Spencer came in just after me, mumbling a small hello before reaching to grab a mug for himself. In the process of doing so his shirt rode up, exposing a small expanse of his lower stomach that had me sputtering as I clumsily missed my cup and instead poured the coffee all over the counter. It ran down and soaked through my pants; yet it wasn’t nearly as hot as the way I felt on the inside.

I couldn’t help but wonder the noises he’d make if I were to suck dark purple marks across that plain of skin...or if anyone ever had before.

The small burn was a fine price to pay for my inappropriate thoughts.

Him being the sweet guy that he is, offered to help me clean up. This proposal ended up with him taking paper towels and patting down my thighs -- not realizing just how suggestive the action looked to me.

“Sorry,” He whispered, looking up at my face from his position below me. He was kneeling on one knee, with a hand planted firmly on the outside of my thigh. His voice was soft yet raspy, and oh how I let my mind wander.

“Not your fault,” I said quickly, and borderline ran out the door before he could protest or add anything on.

I headed straight to the bathroom to wash my face, try and stop the effect he had on me from becoming too physical.

If I got that worked up over a small piece of skin showing, nothing could have prepared me for the first night we shared a hotel room.

I was in shambles all night, ever since the moment Hotch handed me a room card and explained we needed to double up.

Emily usually roomed with JJ, Hotch and Rossi got their own, and Derek refuses to bunk with Spencer -- if he could avoid it. Much to my luck, this time he did because Garcia was needed for this case, meaning she and Derek would be sharing.

Leaving me with Spencer.

I stood there helpless, eyes burning a hole into the place that Hotch was previously standing. I was panicking on the inside, my body going into fight or flight mode as I went through scenarios in my head.

I was 99% sure I would be embarrassing myself tonight.

“Hey,” Spencer said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I jumped and shrieked a little bit, and slapped a hand over my heart. “Oh my god, Reid. You scared me.”

“Sorry,” he laughed. “Sorry I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay.”

He nodded, eventually realizing that he was still indeed touching my shoulder. He dropped his arm, only to bring his hand back up to rub over his chin.

My eyes darted down to it, watching at the way his veins stood out. It wasn’t the first time I admired them, there were moments when he was going over maps with two fingers where I wondered what they would feel like on my-

“____?”

“What?” I asked, a little too loud for the setting.

“Did you hear me?”

“No, sorry.”

“I said we should go inside,” he laughed softly, trying to sooth the tension.

I agreed, stepping past him to start walking to our room. I opened the door with trembling hands, wondering just how hard the following nights at the hotel would be.

“I’m gonna go see Emily and JJ. Ask if they wanna go to the bar,” I said quickly, throwing my bag down just inside the door.

“Oh. Okay. Have fun! Don’t stay out too late. You should get a full night’s sleep.”

“I won’t be long. Don’t wait up!” I called, not looking back to see him before half jogging out of the room.

-----

“I cannot go back in there.”

“Oh, because of your little crush,” Emily laughed, much too loud for the early hours of the morning.

Clearly Spencer’s advice about coming back early didn’t plant itself in my head.

“Yes, because of that,” I confirmed. I was staring down at my drink, wallowing in self pity. It was too awkward to even step foot in there, I’m sure just by the sight of him I’d explode.

“What is it about him that gets you hot and heavy?” JJ teased. “No shame, just curious.”

I fake laughed, ignoring her question.

Everything he did was so intoxicating. Even the most mundane things got my blood pumping hard. Each time he let a small gasp through his lips or when he would whisper to himself, a shockwave went through me, igniting a fire deep inside that was near impossible to put out.

But he was so oblivious. He hadn’t a single idea of the effect he had on me. And that was the most frustrating part.

The first time I noticed my extreme attraction to him was shortly after I joined the team, it was only the third or fourth case I’d had with them. Spencer and I walked to a coffee shop to grab some for everyone, and on the way back he was infodumping.

About what, I can’t remember, for I was too fixated on the way his hands wrapped around his cup as he talked. He’d wave it around, and in doing so his fingers would trace little patterns onto the outside of it. I didn't mean to stare, I just got distracted.

I started noticing more little things after that.

Like the way he licked his lips while deep in thought, his mind consuming him to the point where he looked so concentrated and determined. It was hot, to put it simply. I wanted nothing more for him to be licking my lips, to feel him take such care with my body.

He had always been attractive in my eyes, the young boy was nothing but pretty. Even when his hair was shorter and he gelled it back, pairing the look with his glasses -- that he unfortunately wore less often nowadays.

It was nearly painful to be around him all day every day. My head would constantly be spinning with anxiety, only causing more and more headaches to present themselves. It was like a punishment, one I certainly deserved for the tasteful thoughts I had during work hours.

My crush went from an innocent little thing, to full fledged fascination.

‘I just been fantasizin' (size)

And we got a lotta time (time)

Baby, come throw the pipe (pipe)’

Avoiding him as much as I could seemed like a decent plan at the time. If I kept my interactions low, I could distract myself with other things, and not focus on the way his lips pursed as I conversed with him. I raced up more time staring at his mouth rather than completing actual work by my six month stay at the BAU.

“I’m so fucked,” I nodded, coming to a bit of peace with my downfall.

“Well, you could be. If you told him how you feel,” JJ encouraged.

“No way in hell,” I protested, shooting my head up to make eye contact with her.

“____, there is a very, very high chance he feels the same. And if he doesn’t -- which he does -- he’s too sweet to let that impact your friendship.”

“We hardly even have a friendship. Whenever he tries to talk to me I end up running away. He probably thinks I hate him or something. He probably wants nothing to do with me.”

No objection from Emily or JJ there.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Emily asked, changing the pace of the conversation.

“He never speaks to me again. I die of embarrassment.”

“You’re both adults, ____.”

“We are 27!” I shook my head, exasperated. “I hardly even feel like one sometimes.”

“27, exactly. I’m sure by now Reid has gained some experience with talking to women. You’ll be fine.”

“I have absolutely no way of knowing how things will go.”

“Just give him little tests,” JJ suggested. “Like touch him. On the shoulders, compliment him more, really go up to him and make a move. That way if he doesn’t feel the same you can play it off as being platonic.”

I groaned and rested my head on the table dramatically. “You both kinda suck at advice. What am I supposed to do? Waltz into our shared room and confess my love for him? Ask him desperately to dick me down?”

Even though I definitely wanted to.

They laughed at that, saying they were going to bed and wished me luck. Emily advised I should try and ‘get some’ from somebody else, and maybe that would take my mind off of things.

After stalling some more I eventually made my way back to the hotel room, hoping that Spencer was already asleep so I wouldn’t have to face him. But once again, luck wasn’t in my favour.

“Hi,” he spoke softly from his bed.

“Why are you still awake?” I asked, trying my best to stifle a yawn. I threw my sweater down on my bed, before grabbing my go-bag and retrieving my pyjamas from it. “It’s almost one in the morning.”

“I wanted to make sure you got back okay.”

“I told you not to wait up. Naughty boy,” I joked, finally turning my attention fully over to him.

Which could've been a mistake, based on the way you saw it.

He was dressed in flannel pants and a black t-shirt, along with his hair tied up that I’d failed to notice earlier. I froze at the sight, seeing the way his cheeks were dusted a slight red, and lips pink as ever.

His hair was tied up, and I almost dropped dead at the sight. I’d never seen it before. Sure, he sometimes wore an elastic band on his wrist during the work days but never have I seen him actually use one.

“I’m gonna shower and then head to bed,” I said in an effort to keep my voice steady.

He didn’t respond, only turning his head back to the book that was in his hand.

Thankfully when I returned he was asleep, meaning I didn’t have to see him before bed.

The next day was torturous. I couldn’t get the image of him out of my head. The view of him so relaxed on his bed was ethereal, the soft glow of the lamp hand illuminated his skin in all the right places. Did he pull his hair back often? Did he casually sit at home with it up? How did he look in different angles or positions? Are there other things he wears or does that I haven’t seen?

The image was just so domestic that I couldn't stop thinking about it even if I wanted to.

I was afraid to fall asleep, in fear that my dream may turn adventurous. Quitting my job and moving to a new city seems more preferable than having a sex dream about your coworker while they were in the room.

I was hyper aware of every move he made, always keeping tabs on him in the back of my mind so we wouldn’t accidentally run into each other.

Apparently when I was paying attention on how not to see him, I failed to notice how he had filled out recently. He wore looser pants in the past, ones that didn’t allow much shape to show through.

The next day at the precinct I was in for a surprise though, one that was sure to make me fall to my knees.

And I would have, if it wasn’t for the fact I was already seated in a chair.

Spencer walked in clad in pants that were far too tight to be appropriate for work. Or maybe I was overreacting.

“Jesus Christ,” I muttered under my breath, soaking in his appearance of the day.

It was hot outside, so he decided not to wear his usual vest and tie combo, choosing instead just a white pattern button up and grey tie.

I heard Emily snicker beside me, which earned her a light kick in the calf to shut her up. She got up then, winking at me dramatically before leaving the room to presumably go check in with Derek.

“Hey ____, can you come here for a sec?”

I got up without a word, and walked over to the other side of the room where he was standing at the map hung up.

He went off about the unsub’s possible comfort zone -- things that I’d need him to repeat later because I wasn’t fully listening,

I stayed leaning against the table, just two feet behind him which gave me a perfect view of just how tight those pants really were. They hugged his hips deliciously, I wanted nothing more than to rip them off in that moment. I nodded along dumbly, changing my sight from his ass to his back, to his toned arms that were shown off from him rolling up his sleeves.

It was a fair sight, I don’t really think I could be blamed for staring.

A few weeks after that he got a haircut. His longer curls were gone -- yet not forgotten -- and were replaced with a mop of messy waves that framed his face perfectly.

It was like a new blow to my stomach every time I got used to the change.

“New haircut?” I asked the obvious on the first day back from a long weekend.

“Yeah...thought I should change it up,” Spencer replied, picking up his coffee mug to make himself a cup.

I nodded, the room settling in a short silence.

“Do you not like it?”

“No!” I exclaimed, Spencer furrowing his brows in response. “I mean, yes. I do like it. Sorry.”

“Oh, okay,” he laughed. “Thank you.”

“You could pull off any hairstyle, trust me,” I said, before walking back to my desk.

People that we met seemed to feel the same, because he got stopped more often at bars and at shops that were needed to visit. People would give him their numbers, leaving him a blushing mess. It got obnoxious, to the point where I was at my breaking point. My shoulders were always slumped, and my forehead creased with jealousy.

I stayed closer to him when the team went out, in an effort to get other girls to stop making moves on him.

They hadn’t noticed his beauty before, why should they get the privilege to advance on him now?

It was selfish, really. It may have been good for his self-confidence, but not so good for my own feelings.

I made sure to compliment him more often, telling him I liked his sweater vests, and ‘oh my Doctor Reid, is that a new tie?’ It was a win-win really, for both of us. I was building up my comfort level with him, and he knew that I did not, in fact, despise him.

When Spencer got shot on a case a few weeks later, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to show him that I care about him.

It was an easy job, since the bullet only semi-grazed his shoulder blade. Only needed deep cleaning once a night, for a few weeks so it wouldn’t get infected.

“Fuck,” he breathed with a groan, one that sent shivers throughout my veins.

“Sorry,” I answered quickly, keeping my gaze on the task at hand and not on his face that was just so close to mine.

Here I was in Spencer’s apartment, in his bathroom, helping him clean off his wound.

“I’m sorry but you need to stop moving, it’s just making things worse,” I explained.

“It hurts!”

“I’m sure it does! But I can’t do an effective job in cleaning it if you keep thrashing around like that.”

I saw him pout, and lower his head. The gears in his brain were turning, trying to come up with a possible solution.

“You’re going to need to hold me down.”

“What?!”

“I’m not gonna be able to stop moving,” he said, looking over his shoulder to where I was sitting behind him on the floor. “Come on.”

He stood up and left the room, gesturing for me to follow. And I did, collecting the supplies I’d need as he led me over to his living room.

Before I could protest he removed his shirt fully -- not like how it was bunched up by his neck previously.

I stopped in my tracks, eyes taking in every inch of skin that he freed. He was lean, as I predicted, but still toned in areas.

Spencer laid on his stomach down on the couch, motioning for me to come beside him.

“Get on my back.”

“Are you insane?”

“____,” he pleaded, looking up at me. His arms were crossed by his head, he was using them as a makeshift pillow. “I just want this to be over as fast as it can be.”

Right.

“Okay,” I agreed, and began to place my materials down on the coffee table to my right. I then swung a leg over his lower back, straddling him just how I’d imagine doing so before -- only the other way around. “Is this okay?”

He hummed, digging his face as far into the fabric of the couch as he could.

‘I got a lotta new tricks for you, baby

Just sayin' I'm flexible (I will)’

I took that as a yes, and poured some of the disinfectant onto a swab. Bracing myself with a hand on his other shoulder to pin him down firmly he shivered, breath shaking ever so slightly. I tried to catch him off guard with the swab, choosing a random time to press it into his wound.

He was definitely surprised, because he whined loudly into his hands and clenched all of the muscles in his back.

I couldn’t help but wonder if he made similar noises during other activities…

“Just a minute more,” I soothed him, running my free hand over the smooth skin of his back, doing my best to calm him down.

His breathing only became heavier, and was nearly shaking from the burn. I felt bad, having to see him go through this but I’d be lying if it wasn’t doing things to me. I couldn’t help but get a little bit excited when I got the chance to be near him, to be closer than we had ever been before.

It was intense, I was almost sure he could feel my arousal through the fabric of my pants and underwear.

I was an awful person.

Going home that night to sleep was a struggle. I felt guilty, for using his pain for my perverse temptations. Yet as soon as my fingers were buried inside myself I couldn’t stop myself from imagining him above me. The way he might sound, spewing out similar noises that I’d experienced earlier that were still fresh in my brain.

I wasn’t proud of it, and I thought every one of our interactions after that would be even harder.

Going back to work seemed fully impossible, I didn’t have any hope in myself to stay useful while he was parading around, completely oblivious to the effect he had on me. I became more sexually frustrated every day. It was nearly infuriating to see a look of innocence plastered on his face, meanwhile he would do things that made me go crazy.

‘Wanna know what it's like (like)

Baby, show me what it's like (like)

I don't really got no type (type)

I just wanna fuck all night’

“Penelope, I think I might die soon if I don’t get laid,” I said, rapidly opening the door to her cave.

“____-”

“No, I’m serious. I can’t get my mind off of-”

I stopped in my tracks, finally noticing the presence I hadn’t already accounted for.

Spencer sat in a chair to my left, just out of view that you couldn’t see him if you didn’t turn your head. He was in the middle of bringing a chip up to his mouth, but was stopped mid-air with his mouth hanging open.

“Sorry,” he said, scrambling up fast, bumping into things as he collected his satchel with shaky hands. “Sorry I’ll go.”

The door shut with a slam, and left Penelope and I in silence.

“Well, fuck,” I whispered, earning a booming laugh from her. “It’s not funny.”

“It is funny. It’s hilarious,” she giggled, doing a little spin on her chair.

I groaned, and sat down beside her on the edge of her desk.

“Maybe now he’ll make a move on you.”

“Oh shut up,” I slapped her arm, beginning to laugh along with her. “If he was avoiding me before, I’m sure he’ll never speak to me again.”

Ever since I helped Spencer with his injury the first time he’d been semi ignoring me, not trying to actively partake in conversation. We only talked when necessary, but didn’t exchange any extra words when I came over for an hour to help him with his wound.

I was almost happy about that, it meant I didn’t have to embarrassingly throw myself at him all day long.

I was perfectly fine admiring him from a distance, just how I’d done so for years.

However, there was a part of me that was rightfully sad. Did I cross a line, or make him feel uncomfortable? Maybe from spending so much time together recently he gathered I really wasn’t that interesting.

“Don’t say that,” Penelope frowned.

“Why not? It’s the truth,” I shrugged.

“Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?”

“How I feel?”

“Don’t even try and wedge your way out of it. Emily told me, don’t be mad,” she said, with the sweetest look on her face that I couldn’t be upset.

“Bitch,” I playfully mumbled.

“Besides you literally were about to say that you can’t get your mind off of him.”

“Uh, no, I was not. I was going to say someone. A general someone. Not Reid.”

She hummed, turning back to her screen to finish up some work Hotch had sent her to do.

“Okay fine. Pen, I’m gonna die. It’s insufferable. I can’t handle it anymore.”

“That’s exactly why you should tell him!” She encouraged excitedly, always a swooner for young love.

“I would scare him. He’s probably scared of me, actually.”

“Oh come on, I’m sure his little virgin heart can take it.”

“What?” I asked, suddenly giving her all my attention. “Virgin? Is he seriously a virgin?”

“I don’t know, truly. I just kinda figured. He doesn’t talk about anyone or anything to do with sex.”

I nodded. That makes sense. With him radiating pure sex appeal in my eyes, the thought never even crossed my mind that he might be a virgin.

But that just made it all the more exciting.

“But hey, if he’s really a 27 year old virgin I’m sure he’s extremely horny,” she laughed.

“We are at work. Let’s calm it down before I actually combust,” I shook my head.

My palms were sweating at the very thought of him doing anything remotely sexual -- which I thought about a lot. Surely he’s had to at least...taken care of himself. I’m sure it was a gorgeous sight, his hand wrapped firmly around his dick and face contorted in nothing but pleasure.

My thoughts were interrupted by none other than the man himself, who barged into the room to say we were taking off for a case in 30.

The flight there was quiet and boring, we left at night so there wasn’t so much we could do when we got there besides head up to our hotel.

“We’re sharing a room,” Spencer said, walking over to me from where he was previously with Derek.

I was standing in front of the vending machine, doing my very best to not eavesdrop on the mens’ conversation, which was only taking place about 20 feet away. Spencer was speaking in a hushed yet agitated tone, and Derek was matching his energy. It seemed they were bickering, but about what I didn’t know.

“Says who?” I panicked.

“Uhh...Hotch did.”

Great.

“Oh. Alright,” I followed him down the hallway, our room was the last one at the end.

I waited for him to open the door, and when he stepped out of the way to let me inside I brushed past him.

When I turned around Spencer was standing there blocking my path, causing me to bump into his chest.

“Hello...” I said confused, taking a step back.

“I…”

“What?” I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. “Spencer what are you doing?”

He didn’t answer with words, instead reaching up to push a piece of hair out of my face. My breath hitched at the contact, sending me into a short frenzy on the inside. He was inching closer, now his body was getting just close enough so that I could feel the heat radiating off of him. He was glancing back and forth between my eyes, searching my face for an expression of discomfort.

He didn’t find any.

“I was talking with Derek. About you,” he whispered. “He said you’ve been coming on to me.”

My heart nearly missed a beat at his words.

“I've noticed your odd behaviour, you don’t act the way you do with anyone else on the team. You run away from me, and at first I thought you just didn’t like me, but now...I think it’s the opposite. I see the way you look at me, you know.”

“And how do I look at you?” I questioned nervously.

“Like you want me. Tell me. Who were you talking about earlier today? Who exactly can’t get your mind off of?”

I paused, eyes almost bulging out of my head at the implication.

“If I'm reading this wrong, let me know. We can pretend this never happened.”

“Get on the bed and take your clothes off.”

He did just that, moving beside me to shove his pants down his legs, followed by ripping off his shirt, as I did the same. We couldn’t take our eyes off of each other, too busy drinking in our appearances to think straight. He sat down on the edge of the bed in just his underwear, and spread his legs just wide enough to give me space to stand between them.

“Tell me what you want.” he breathed, watching me as I walked towards him.

“You,” I answered simply, climbing into his lap and connecting my mouth was his. “All of you.”

He didn’t protest, only doing quite the opposite. He moaned greedily into my mouth, sucking every last bit of life out of me. He was hungry in his movements, not allowing for a single beat of fresh air for either of us. I was more than happy to return the energy, for I’ve dreamt for too long about what he might taste like. And it wasn’t disappointing, the sensation was far better than I could have ever cooked up in my head.

After a minute he became impatient, and started bucking his hips up to meet mine. I did the same, grinding down on his hardening dick that felt...impressive to say the least.

“I’ve thought about you for so long,” I spoke against his lips, taking a break between kisses.

He groaned back at me, moving his hands from my cheeks down to my hips to hold me flush against himself. He whimpered when I was fully against him, he had to break away to keep his breathing somewhat managed.

“Please, I need you so bad. I’ve thought about you too.”

“What exactly did you think about?” I asked quietly, trailing kisses all across his face, and then started heading down his jaw and neck.

“L-lots of stuff.”

“Tell me,” I demanded, looking up at him from my new position kneeling on the floor. “Please, tell me.”

I brought a hand up to his boxers, ghosting just over his bulge while remaining eye contact.

“Everything. All of you. ____, Please.”

‘You're exciting, boy, come find me

Your eyes told me, "Girl, come ride me"’

“Let me do something first,” I said, pushing against his stomach to encourage him to lie back on the bed. He did so, propping himself up on his forearms to look down at me.

He watched my every move, not a second was missed by his eyes that stayed locked onto my form. I dropped my head down to kiss across his left thigh, and toyed with the waistband of his underwear with my right hand.

He was so vocal, and I hadn’t even done anything yet. I knew we had all night, but I’d waited too long for this to take my time.

‘And we got a lotta time (time)

Baby, come throw the pipe (pipe)’

I pulled his underwear down just enough to reveal his dick hard and red as it stood up against his stomach.

“You don’t...have to,” Spencer stopped me before I could carry on.

“Do you not want me to?”

“It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s just…” He stopped, and bit his lip while staring off to one of the walls.

“Has anyone ever done this with you before?” I asked, almost unsure of whether or not I wanted the answer.

“Done what...exactly?” he asked, refusing to look back at me. His cheeks were red in embarrassment, and he was too focused on the distance to see the wave of excitement that flashed over my face.

“Spencer,” I said sharply, prompting him to turn his attention back to me. “Are you a virgin?”

His lack of answer told me enough. He blushed impossibly deeper, and started squirming in place. Just as he was about to speak up for himself I stopped him with, “That’s so fucking hot.”

“What?”

I climbed back up his body, just far enough so that I could grab his jaw in my hand and pull him down to meet my lips. It was even more hungry and passionate than the previous ones we shared, full of such fire I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to kiss anyone else ever again.

“You’re so sexy,” I moaned, hot and needy into his mouth.

He was good, which wasn’t unexpected from my end. His lips were always so plump and pink, they just had to be semi skilled.

“Thank you,” he replied, in a typical Spencer Reid fashion.

“Do you want to stop? Or keep going? Take a minute and think about it. I don’t want to pressure you,” I reassured him, but on the inside I was begging for him to want to continue.

He pulled back for a second, running a hand over the back of my head to keep me from going too far. His eyes were closed, focusing only on his breathing as he thought about his answer.

“I want to keep going. Please,” he decided on, nodding his head. “I just, I dunno, didn’t expect to get this far tonight.”

“Believe me, neither did I,” I smirked, smashing my lips back against his and returning to my spot kneeling between his legs. I pushed him back harder than before, sending a small oof sound from his chest as his back hit the mattress.

“Has anyone ever touched you here?” I asked, finally wrapping my hand around his dick,

It only made sense that a pretty boy like him would have a pretty cock, too.

“O-only once,” he breathed, with his head thrown back. He was staring at the ceiling, staring at the dots to distract himself from the feeling and to not come too soon. “Long time ago.”

“If you need me to stop, tell me,” I said, before licking a broad strip up the underside of his dick.

I paused at the head, swirling my tongue around before continuing my mission back down around the other side. I kissed his base, leaving more near his hips. He whined positively -- probably feeling a little ticklish -- and I took that as a good sign to suck a deep purple mark there.

Just like I’d thought about doing months ago.

I left a few more just up to his belly button, marking him up with the intent to claim him as my own. He’d see those marks for the next few days, and every time he would think of me on my knees for him. I kept pumping him in my hand as I did so, and every time I groaned into his skin his dick twitched with appreciation.

“Oh god,” Spencer moaned as I took him into my mouth unexpectedly, bunching up the sheets in his hands beside his hips.

I looked up to see him now staring down at me, jaw slacked and panting heavily. The sight was enough to elicit a moan from my own mouth, which led to him fluttering his eyes shut at the vibrations that shot through his body.

“Stop, stop!”

“What’s wrong?” I asked worriedly, immediately pulling up.

“Nothing, I just really want to feel you and I don’t think I can last much longer.”

Understandable.

I wasn’t expecting him to last long anyways, I just simply wanted him inside me.

“Do you happen to have a condom?” He shook his head. “I’m clean and on the pill. We should be fine. Is that okay?”

He mumbled an ‘uh huh’ as he watched me stand up, as I pushed my underwear down my legs. He immediately reached out to me, bringing me back in and starting placing kisses across my stomach and hips, mirroring what I was doing to him earlier.

“Good, because if you don’t fuck me right now I think I might die.”

‘Yeah-yeah, oh-whoa-whoa (oh, ooh, mmm)

Baby, I need to know, mmm (yeah, need to know)’

He laughed lightheartedly, fixing himself to be sitting up near the headboard. In the process he kicked off his boxers fully, along with his socks.

I followed after him, not letting him stray too far from my reach.

“I heard that women take longer to, erm, get ready,” he muttered into my skin, hiding his face in my neck. “Let me help you?”

“Please,” I whimpered, though I knew I was far from unprepared. I reached behind myself to unclasp my bra, and as soon as it fell down my shoulders Spencer attached his mouth to my left nipple. “Please touch me.”

He moaned into me, bringing his hand down to my core to run his fingers through my folds. He let his middle breach me, moving so agonizingly slow before curling his finger up. I moaned loudly, letting my eyes shut and body fall slack against him. His free arm wrapped around my waist, giving me the support I needed to stay upright.

“So that’s your g-spot?” He grinned against my skin, and I’d be damned to admit it affected me way more than it should have. He sounded so innocent, so eager to learn.

“Uh-huh.”

He explored my skin greedily, brushing over every inch of my chest he could reach. His thrusts became faster every time he re-entered me, encouraged by the grunt that fell from my lips with each one.

“Have you ever done this with a girl before?”

“No,” he replied, moving from my breasts to my collarbone, leaving a dark purple mark in his path.

“Could've fooled me,” I felt him smile against my neck at the praise -- duly noted.

He flipped us over swiftly -- much to my surprise -- and continued with his actions on both my clit and entrance. I did my best to stay quiet, biting down on his shoulder to prevent any noises from leaking out to stop him from getting too cocky.

“Spencer,” I moaned, raking my fingernails up and down his back. “Stop. Please fuck me now, I’m ready.”

“Are you sure you want to? We can stop,” he reassured me in a voice that seemed far too innocent for the activities taking place.

“Spencer, I’m sure. I’m so fucking sure you have no idea.”

I was so turned on I could cry, the pure want running through my veins was starting to send panic signals throughout my whole body. Before I could beg him any further he replaced his fingers with his dick, catching me off guard. He ran the tip over me for a few seconds before gliding in easily, with little to no restriction at all.

“Ah!” I called, gripping onto his shoulder for dear life.

“I’m so sorry, oh my god did I hurt you?” Spencer asked frantically, removing his weight from me and tried sitting up.

“No. God please move, I need you so bad,” I pleaded, pulling him back down before he could get too far away.

He nodded. He started slow. So slowly that I wanted to scream and beg at the top of my lungs for more. However I was above giving him the satisfaction of that -- at least for now.

“You feel so good,” Spencer panted, hips shaking as he slid in and out at a torturous pace.

I pulled his lips back to mine for another kiss, drinking in everything he was willing to offer. I whined every time his body rubbed against my clit in a way that had my toes curling and eyes rolling back.

“This is so much better than I’ve imagined,” I moaned, breaking free from his mouth to lay back against the pillows. I wrapped my legs around his waist, aiding him with the speed of his thrusts. “Please, Spence, oh my god go harder.”

He moaned loudly, and lowered his head to my collarbone in an effort to muffle some of the noises he was letting out.

He followed my directions well -- and I took notes for the future.

The sounds of him bouncing off the walls was amplifying my pleasure to a new degree, it was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. His hips snapped forward impossibly faster, leaving him a whimpering mess above me. Our chests were pressed together, the sound of skin slapping and gliding over each other filled the dimly lit room.

“You’re doing so good for me,” I whispered into his neck, leaving open mouthed kisses here and there.

He moaned freely at all of the praise, and every time I urged him on he’d pick up his speed a little bit. He was now moving faster than I thought I could handle, slamming into me at the perfect angle.

I felt him everywhere. In my stomach, insides of my thighs, chest -- where he was now palming at one of my breasts -- and the crook of my neck. I hugged my arms around his middle to keep him locked against me, preventing his hips from heavily backing out.

“I’m really close,” He groaned, lifting his head to meet my eyes. “S-should I pull out now?”

“No,” I demanded, tightening my legs to keep him trapped. “Come inside me.”

He nodded with a particularly loud moan, and snaked one hand down my body to meet my clit. When I gave a sound of approval he quickened his wrist, rubbing me with just the right amount of pressure to send me closer to the edge.

He came with a final shout in my name, resting his full body weight against me as I rocked my him against him to help him through it. I finished soon after, at the feeling of him releasing himself in me. It was so warm, like a comforting blanket that overtook all of my senses.

It was possibly the best orgasm I’d ever had, it was so profound that I couldn’t see, or focus on anything else.

We laid there for a few minutes, my hand running through his hair and his ghosting up the side of my hip. It took a while for us both to catch our breaths, we were too immersed in the moment to break apart from one another.

“That was literally the best sex I’ve had in my life,” I breathed, staring up at the ceiling.

“Same, but I don’t have anything to compare it to,” Spencer replied, and we both laughed weakly.

“That was okay for you? Your first time? Not really the traditional approach.”

“It was perfect. I wouldn’t have asked for anything different,” he pulled himself up with a smile, before pulling out and flopping down beside me.

“But seriously,” I sat up, resting my head on my palm to get a better view of him. “I’ve never been so attracted to someone as I am with you.”

“____,” he blushed. “I-”

“No! No, let me finish. Please.”

He nodded for me to go ahead.

“Not only are you just insanely sweet and so charming, you’re so handsome. Like I can hardly even look at you half the time. You drive me insane, Spencer you have no idea. Holy fuck I’ve never wanted someone so bad before I met you. You’re intoxicating. I can’t get enough. I’ll cringe about this later but I just need you to know.”

“This may not be the most common way...but do you want to go out with me? L-like on a date?” Spencer asked. He was blushing so heavily, his chest was painted pink and ears were turned red.

“You just came inside of me and you’re nervous about asking me on a date.”

“____!” Spencer exclaimed, facepalming himself.

“Yes,” I grinned. “I’d love to go out with you.”

-----

Please tell me your thoughts on this chapter here! You can also send me an ask to be added to/removed from the taglist.

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[gubler-me-up]

Eye of the Beholder

Request: So u and Spence work together and u haven’t gotten together before. One day, the weekend after a tough case, he comes over to hang out only to find you all puffy and a mess. (Like 3 day old unwashed hair). He realizes why, emotions are revealed, and boom! s m u t

A/N: Thanks for the request, @bi-sub-spence! Not going to lie, this took me a minute to write because I wanted to fit every component in that you requested but had to modify some things to make it flow (had to dim the smut down a bit sorry it’s still a smut tho!!) I hope you enjoy it!

Couple: Spencer Reid/Plus!size fem reader

Category: Smut 

Content warning: Self-degradation, mention of a fire, mention of death, fingering, clit stimulation

Word count: 3.7k

——————–

You packed up your things to get ready to leave the bureau for the weekend. You felt as if the week had been longer than a normal week. It felt as if you had just lived through three weeks back to back with no breaks. On top of the case you and the team wrapped up, it felt as if the whole world was out of your hands.

A lot had been going through your head the week before the case. Usual feelings of doubting your impact on the world. The doubt of having a purpose. The case solidified your doubts of even being on the team anymore.

“Y/N.”

You froze when you heard Spencer call you. You felt your throat go dry and your eyes widened as you got lost in your mind. Everything seemed to play out right in front of you again.

“Y/N,” Spencer yelled.

He grabbed your arm to yank you away from the flames coming from inside the house. You tried to yank your arm away from his hand but he wasn’t letting you go. You needed to go back in there to save him. It was your fault he ended up trapped in there in the first place. You should’ve been in there with him.

You tried to yank away from his grasp again but he didn’t give you another chance of trying to get away from him. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you back. You were pretty sure he could feel you shaking to your core as manic tears started running down your face and the sound of despair left your mouth.

“Y/N, stop. We can’t do anything,” he said.

“Y/N,” Spencer called again.

You broke out of your train of thought as you turned your head to look behind you. He stood a few inches away from you and the concern plastered on his face wasn’t hard to miss. It was hard to think he would look that concerned if he didn’t already know what you were in deep thought about.

You grabbed your bag and placed it over your shoulder. You flashed a quick smile to show him you were fine. You didn’t fool either of you. You could see in his eyes he had this unwavering sympathy that you wanted to run away from. You didn’t want any more sympathy. You wanted to lay in your bed and forget about your life.

“Are we still on for this weekend?” He asked.

You raised a questionable eyebrow. “On for?”

“Remember? I was going to go over to your place, so we could watch some movies and order pizza,” he said.

“Oh, yeah, about that. I think we should postpone until next weekend,” you said.

You could see the instant disappointment and further concern all mix on his face. He reached out his hand to grab onto your upper arm. He gently rubbed it to send some reassurance your way. On any other day, you would have been giddy if he even reached out in an attempt to touch you but his touch only reminded you of him holding you back from the fire.

“Y/N, we can talk about what happened. You don’t have to go through this alone,” he said.

You flashed a smile. “Thanks but I just need some sleep. I’ll talk to you on Monday.”

Before he could get another word in, you yanked your arm away from his touch and walked past him. You rushed out of the bullpen before he could try to stop you because you knew he will. It’s not as if you blamed him for holding you back from saving a life. In fact, you blamed yourself a great deal for putting someone’s life in danger through your missteps. Going back in the fire was the least you could do to amend for what you did.

When you unlocked your apartment door, you didn’t feel your usual sense of relief of being home. After a long case away, you would have been giddy to be back in your bed. However, you still felt torn inside. You couldn’t get the fire away from your sight. The smell of smoke still filling your lungs. The last bit of chance saving Michael when you saw him close the door.

You walked in and closed the door behind you. You dropped your bag at the door as it was becoming too heavy. Not because it was packed heavily, you actually packed it quite light. You just couldn’t find the strength to hold anything anymore. You barely even had the strength to stand as you felt your knees shaking.

You could feel your whole body shake the more you walked towards your room. You wanted to crawl into your bed immediately and forget about your week. It would be even better if you could forget about your whole existence as well.

You opened your bedroom door to be greeted by the mess of your room. Clothes on the floor, cups half-filled covered your nightstand, your bed unmade. It would stay like that until you found the energy to sort it out. The way you felt like not moving for an eternity, you guessed it would have to wait that long to get done as well.

You passed by your huge standing mirror in your room. You stopped and looked at yourself. You scanned your body from head to toe and back up. You knew if you weren’t horridly overweight you could have ran faster to grab Michael in time.

You pinched the skin on your side. You kept pinching it harder and harder and harder until it became numb pain. You watched yourself in the mirror. You looked like an absolute wreck.

You stopped pinching your side and moved your hand’s attention to your face. You caressed over the scars of imperfections past covering your face. You tilted your face up to reveal even more of them covering your neck and chest.

You were disgusted by yourself. Of course Michael wouldn’t trust you. You looked like his enemy. You would run into a ticking time bomb as well.

You could hear your phone ringing from within your bag. You couldn’t find the strength to move away from the mirror to answer it. It felt as if your brain couldn’t think of anyone wanting to contact you after figuring out who you truly were: a monster. You let it ring.

And let it ring and ring again. You just let it ring as you stared at yourself until your eyes felt as if they were going black with only the imagery of flames being the constant flash of light in the darkness. You could feel the smoke in your lungs. You wanted to scream out for Michael but you couldn’t make a peep. You just stood there, useless.

Your phone was still ringing but there was a faint knocking coming from afar. You groaned as you opened your eyes. You didn’t even remember getting into bed but you were glad you were laying down. You couldn’t even fathom getting up. The noise around you, however, was making it difficult for you to fall back asleep.

You couldn’t think of what all the noise was for. You were starting to think it was all in your head. You couldn’t think of one person who would be calling you nonstop, let alone someone visiting you. You closed your eyes to try to shut out the noise and to go back to forgetting about your existence.

“Y/N.”

Your eyes shot open when you heard the faint sound of your voice being called. The voice sounded familiar but you decided to not decipher it. If you ignored them for long enough, they would probably go away. However, they kept calling and calling and calling your name. Your phone was also still ringing and if you could guess, whoever was calling your phone was also calling your name.

“Y/N.”

You slowly got up from your bed to go towards your front door. You had a feeling the voice behind the door was the only person you knew who would come to check on you.

You stood at your door and peeped through the peephole to see Spencer standing there, knocking and calling out your name. You couldn’t see his expression clearly but from the sound of his voice you could tell just how much concern he had for your wellbeing.

You would open the door to show him you were fine but he would see right through it. Your hair hadn’t been washed in a while, you were still in your work clothes and who knows what your face looked like with all the smudged makeup you had failed to take off. You would look like the monster you knew you were all along.

“Y/N, if you can hear me, can you please let me know you’re okay? I’ve tried to call you all weekend but you haven’t been answering. I just need to know you’re okay,” he said.

You sighed as you unlocked your front door but made sure the chain was still intact. You didn’t want him to see the whole of you. Just enough so he knew you were breathing.

As you opened the door, you saw his face immediately relax in relief as he saw half your face peeking at him. He looked at his phone and immediately hung up whoever he was calling. When he did, your phone stopped ringing as well, as you had expected.

“I’m okay,” you said.

“You haven’t responded to anyone’s calls or texts for almost three days. I-well, we were all worried,” he said.

“I’ve just been taking some time for myself. Nothing to worry about,” you said.

“If that’s the case, may I come in? I brought some movies and popcorn, so we can hang out and hopefully make you feel better about our last case,” he said.

As soon as he said that, you could feel your mouth go dry. The cloud of smoke came over your vision and the heaviness filled your lungs. It was almost too hard to stand. You could only shake your head as you tried to close the door. He stopped you by shoving his foot in-between the door, so you couldn’t lock him out.

You looked at his foot blocking your escape. You wanted to slam the door in his face and run back into your bed. You didn’t even know why you got out in the first place. Now he wasn’t going to let you go so easily.

“Y/N, can you please let me in?” He begged.

“Spence, I think it’s best I don’t,” you said.

“Why’s that?” He asked.

“Because…” you started as tears flowed down your face.

There was a moment of silence between you two as he waited for you to continue. You were having trouble piecing together why you didn’t want to let him in. You were a mess, you were worthless, you were hideous. You couldn’t let him come any closer to you.

Then you felt his hand cup your face as his thumb gently wiped away a tear. You didn’t want to look up at him to see any more of you. Not the tears, not the scars, not the smudged makeup. You didn’t want him to see you for who you really were.

“I’m not going to let someone I love suffer in silence like this,” he said.

You immediately looked up as soon as he said the word ‘love.’ You had to look at him to see if you had imagined those words leaving his mouth. As soon as your eyes met his, you knew he meant what he had said. His eyes were filled with concern and care you hadn’t seen anyone have for you in years.

You sighed as you unhooked the chain on your door to fully open it. He removed his hand from your face as he shuffled his way inside of your apartment. He didn’t take your eyes off of you the whole time as you closed the door. It made you self-conscious. He could see how awful you looked. The raw you. How you felt on the inside.

He looked at you with no distaste though. He gave you a gracious smile, almost sympathetic. You wanted to hide away from his gaze. Even though he was smiling at you, you felt as if he was judging every part of you.

He probably wondered why you were still in your work clothes from Friday or why your makeup was still on. Your hair was tangled and unwashed. You wondered if he could tell. You started to sweat from being nervous of him possibly thinking you smell since you hadn’t showered in almost three full days.

“It’s okay to ask for help sometimes,” he said as he dropped his bag.

“What?” You asked.

“Have you had a relaxing bath in a while? That's what I do when I’m feeling down,” he said.

“You said you couldn’t let someone you love suffer. I’m just happy you stopped by to say that. You don’t have to do anything else,” you insisted.

He shook his head. “I want to. I feel terrible for not going home with you on Friday to make sure you were okay. The look you had on Friday left me feeling…guilty.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Guilty?”

“I should have tried better to let you know that nothing was your fault about the case. I know how hard you take things and it hurts knowing you get down on yourself. I just want to hold you close to let you know everything’s okay,” he admitted.

You let out a long sigh after digesting everything he said. It  didn’t fully erase the pain or depression you were feeling towards yourself or the case but you loved the fact he was trying. You could hear how genuine he was about wanting to be there for you.

You formed a small smile. “This job is haunting. It doesn’t help that tough cases weigh heavy on me and I start questioning myself even more than I already do.”

“You shouldn’t do that. You’re a great profiler, a great person, and most importantly, you’re you. You should love everything about you as much as I do,” he said.

You paused before you said anything again. That was the second time he had said he loved you. At first you didn’t think much of it but now you were considering he was trying to tell you something. You stared at him intently to see if he looked as if he loved you. If you were as great of a profiler as he said, you could tell.

“How much do you love me?” You asked, softly.

“I love you enough to start a hot bath for you and we’ll go from there,” he suggested with a shrug.

“I’d like that a lot,” you sniffled.

Spencer had his back towards you as you took off your clothes to hop in the hot bubble bath he had prepared for you. Even having him so close to you made you nervous. What if he could somehow see your rolls or stretch marks on your thighs? Would he take back everything he said before if he saw how low your breasts sagged without a bra?

You could feel the cloud come back over you as you hopped into the tub. Even though his words made you feel alive inside, you couldn’t shake the awful thoughts about yourself fully. It was not knowing how he’d react to you once he saw your naked body. If he saw your naked body.

You looked at him to see his back still turned as he leaned against the doorframe. You splashed some water on your face to remove your makeup residue, so you were completely you. You could feel your hands shake.

“Are you in the tub?” He asked.

“Yup,” you said.

“Would you like anything? I can get you something to drink or even a snack,” he said.

“No thank you,” you said.

“Okay, I’ll leave you to relax. I’ll just be out in your living room,” he said.

“Wait,” you said.

You paused before you continued. You didn’t know if you wanted to say what you wanted to anymore. You sighed as you were about to tell him ‘nevermind.’

“Can you stay here with me? Like, sit next to me,” you asked.

He slowly turned around to look at you. Your heart stopped as he examined you with wide, curious eyes. He smiled as he walked into the bathroom and sat on the toilet right next to the bathtub as you requested. He was blushing as he tried not to peek at the body parts not covered by the millions of bubbles.

You tried to cover yourself up with as many bubbles as possible. You couldn’t even imagine what he was thinking. He probably saw you for your real size and real scars and hated it. He was just too polite to say anything about it. You started to think it was a horrible idea inviting him to be with you while you bathed three days of filth away.

“You really love bubbles,” he commented.

“Yeah,” you whispered.

He looked at you concerned. “Is there something wrong? Is the water too hot? Do I make you uncomfortable? If I’m staring a lot, I don’t mean to it’s just that-”

“You think I’m hideous,” you said.

He violently shook his head as he looked repulsed by you even uttering those words. He gently grabbed your hand from the depths of the hot water to hold it in his. He squeezed it tight and held it close to him as he gave you that same genuine look from when you opened the door.

“Y/N, I know learning to love yourself takes time but I want you to know that I love everything about you. You’re the most gorgeous woman to me, inside and out. I’ll be here every step of the way to help you realize that,” he said.

You could feel the tears flow down his face as you listened to him. Some of the words he said were finally sticking to your brain as you started to accept his feelings. It meant the world to you he was there for you with such love and generosity in his heart.

“I love you, Spence,” you said.

He smiled. “I love you too. Is there anything else you need me to do for you?”

He used his free hand to wipe your tears as you thought about what you really wanted his hands to do. You wanted him to feel the real you. If he loved you for you, would he be willing to touch you in more ways than just your hands?

“It’s a weird request and don’t feel obligated to,” you said.

“I’d do anything for you. All you gotta do is ask,” he said.

“Can you make me feel…feel…” you said as you tried to put it into words.

He used his free hand to caress your neck up and down. You smiled at his gentle touch as he understood your drift without you needing to explain yourself further.

“Would you like me to go lower?” He asked.

You nodded. “Yes, please.”

He smiled as his face turned visibly red. He caressed his hand down your neck to your chest. You watched as his eyes focused on your breasts as he gently cupped one in your hand and gently massaged your nipple. You softly moaned.

“Am I doing good?” He asked.

“Very,” you moaned.

He smiled. “Would you like me to go lower?”

You nodded and he didn’t hesitate to obey. You watched as his hands caressed down your stomach. You held your breath as nerves took you over as he touched your stomach. You were sure he’d say something about your rolls but he seemed laser-focused on pleasuring you. Good thing his sleeves were already rolled up.

His hand reached your clit and you moaned as you felt him carefully rubbing it. You clenched your hand tighter in his as you tried to steady your breathing. You couldn’t imagine the last time you felt so excited inside. It was as if something inside of you was coming alive.

“Do you want me to go faster?” He asked.

“Yes,” you moaned.

He did just as you wanted. He circled your clit over and over again until you were practically moaning his name unprovoked. He yanked your hand towards him to move you closer to him. He embraced you in a kiss as soon as he snuck two fingers into you.

You aggressively moaned in his mouth as his fingers curled in you. He gently rubbed your g-spot as his thumb still worked vigorously on your clit. You could barely keep your composure as he made you feel things you couldn’t put into sensible words.

“Oh my God, Spence,” you moaned.

He kissed you again. “I just want you to feel good. Always.”

You grabbed onto his shirt to pull him close to you. He immediately went back to kissing you, not getting enough of you. He let go of your hand to grab the back of your neck to keep you in place. He engulfed every moan you let out as his fingers worked you.

They worked you so much, your legs were shaking in the water. You could make waves from how much they were trembling. This tingling came over your body and your breathing became unstable to the point you thought you weren’t even in the moment anymore. You were somewhere else completely experiencing heaven.

You broke away from his mouth as you let out a breathless moan. You felt the electrifying feeling of an orgasm go through your body. You hadn’t felt something so intense in years. Once it passed, you looked Spencer in his eyes. He stared at you with a joyous smile on his face as he pulled his fingers out of you.

“You look at peace,” he said.

“Because I kind of am. You’ve made me feel things I haven’t felt in awhile,” you said.

“I’m glad I could make you feel that way. I hope this is a start in making you feel happier and happier today,” he said.

“I think we’re off to a good start to making that happen. Maybe the next steps would be some needed help with cleaning my room," you said.

He smiled and nodded. “Anything for you.”

—–

MASTERLIST

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[latenightdislyte]

Sick Day (SFW) Jacob x Reader

Notes: This was originally named Personal Heater, but ya know. Now enjoy a caring Jacob.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A comfortable warmth flowed through me as my mind began to awaken. I continued to lay with my eyes closed not wanting to move and ruin it. I had been so exhausted and out of sorts last night that I almost didn't do my nightly routine and usually when I'm that tired I sleep like a rock and regret it. But this morning was pleasant and comfortable. I didn't want to get up.

I snuggled into bed even more, enjoying it, when I noticed a weight on my waist. I thought it was one of the cats curled up at my side, but when I moved my hand down I was not met with soft fur. Instead I was met with soft fabric and a solid limb. The moment my mind registered the arm wrapped around me I shot up and quickly darted over to the opposite wall, steadying myself on it, feeling very light headed, and facing the intruder.

An exasperated and relieved sigh passed my lips. "God damn it Jacob. You scared the shit out of me." The intruding man stretched and yawned looking at me with a pout. "What's the big deal? Why'd you go and do that, I was having a nice nap." I glared at him half-heartedly. "I told you, I don't mind you hanging out here, just as long as you let me know before hand." He huffed and propped his head up on his hand, looking quite annoyed. "I did, you didn't pick up my calls or answer any of my messages."

I looked at him questioningly before making my way back to the bed, grabbing my phone from beside my pillow. Opening the home screen, it was like he said. There were 7 missed calls and over 20 texts from him. My expression softened as I read through all of the messages, they started at mild confusion to my unresponsiveness and quickly evolved into extreme concern for my safety. It made me feel bad, I didn't mean to worry him so much.

I sighed and looked at him apologetically. "Sorry, I didn't realize you were trying to get ahold of me. I must have already been asleep." His pout melted to worry, he laid his arm down and rested his head next to it. "Are you feeling alright? You didn't stir when I joined you and you feel warmer than usual."

I thought about last night, I was feeling very... unusual. Through out my entire shift I was the slightest bit light headed, very sleepy and extremely warm, often having to sit down for awhile to dispel some oncoming dizziness. I didn't take my temp when I got home though, I just got ready and went straight to sleep. Thinking about it made me realize how I felt currently.

After getting up and moving around the comfort I had felt previously was no more. My face had warmed, my stomach grew upset and my head began to feel out of sorts from being light headed a moment ago.

I groaned and flopped down on my pillow. "No, I guess I'm not feeling well. It started last night at work." Jacob sighed before pushing himself up and lazily crawling over me, stumbling in the process making me laugh lightly earning a playful glare from the serpent blessed man.

I could hear him rummaging through some cabinets in the kitchen, but didn't really pay much mind to it, he did this on occasion. *CRASH!!* Flinching, I sighed at the loud noise. Of course he would.

I pushed myself up, now sitting on the edge getting ready to stand, but Jacob came rushing in and refused to let me, pushing a thermometer in my hands. "Take your temp. I'll clean that up. It was just a glass." I rolled my eyes and laughed lightly as he made his way back into the kitchen.

Jacob returned a few minutes later, now without his jacket and with a glass of water and some medication. I lay back, sprawled out on the bed with the thermometer in my mouth, eyes closed. "Hey now," He nudged my foot. "No falling asleep just yet." He removed the thermometer and I sat up, taking the glass and meds from him.

"100.5!? Hope you don't have work today, cause you're staying here." I groaned in annoyance and looked at my phone. 12:26 pm. "I do have work today. My shift starts at 5pm. I've taken meds now and I'll rest up some more. I should feel better before I have to leave." "Nope." Jacob grabbed my phone and opened it, making his way out of my room. When he got my password, I have no idea. "Hey! What are you doing? Give it." I got up and started to follow him out, but he quickly turned around and ushered me back, setting me on the bed. He had the phone pressed to his ear. "Jacob! No!" He grabbed my arm as I reached for my device and held it "Jacob. I'll be fine. I swear. There's no need for me to call in!" Apparently someone had answered his call as I was talking because he was no longer paying 100% attention to me.

"Hi, can I speak to the manager? It's about an employee of yours." "Do you have to word it that way?" I tried to snatch the phone with my free hand, but before I even got close he had let go of my arm and pressed his palm over my mouth, pushing me back to lay down on the bed and straddled my abdomen. I grabbed his arm and playfully glared at him.

Suddenly his attention was directed back to the phone.“Hey, I’m calling on behalf of one of your employees, (Y/N).” He returned my look with a triumphant smirk. Rolling my eyes, I let my arms drop in defeat. “Well, her shift is supposed to start at 5pm, but she won’t be able to make it. She’s running a fever over 100 degrees.” He paused for a moment. “Uh huh, of course, she’s right here with me. I’ll give her the phone.” He removed his hand from my face and held out the phone for me. I gave in, taking it from him. “Hello?” “Yeah, I just woke up not to long ago. I actually start feeling bad last night, but I just ignored it and worked through it.” “Yeah, that’d probably be best. I really wore myself out making that decision and am still running a fever so…” “Alright, thank you. See ya later.” I ended the call.

“You’re insufferable sometimes, ya know that.” “Your sick, someones gotta keep you from exhausting yourself.” He got up off of me and left the room once again. I resituated myself on the bed, laying down on my side, not even bothering to get back under the covers, getting ready to drift back to sleep when something cold and wet came into contact with my forehead.

I reached up and held the wet rag to my face as Jacob climbed over and laid behind me, snuggling into my back. A hand placed itself on my waist. “Get some sleep. I hope you feel better later.”