#I don’t want to leave my house
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Tonight I was supposed to go to the cinema with my cousin, but since yesterday I've been doing duaa in the hope that she'll cancel 🥲😭
I haven't heard from her so far, so I took the initiative before it was too late and sent her a message to ask if we could do it another time
She agreed, but I feel too bad because I'm the one who proposed this outing in the first place
I'm too much of an introvert and a homebody, I like being at home very much 🥹
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Ce soir je devais aller au cinéma avec ma cousine, mais depuis hier je fais duaa (invocation) en espérant qu'elle annule 🥲😭
Je n'ai pas eu de nouvelles d'elle jusqu'à présent, j'ai donc pris l'initiative avant qu'il ne soit trop tard et je lui ai envoyé un message pour lui demander si nous pouvions remettre ça à une autre fois
Elle a accepté, mais je me sens mal parce que c'est moi qui ai proposé cette sortie à la base
Je suis trop introvertie et casanière, j'aime beaucoup trop être à la maison 🥹
#october#octobre#introverti#introvertie#introvertie sinon quelle vie#introvert#I don’t want to leave my house#homebody#home sweet home#casanière#casanier
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“Appealing to your oppressors gets you nowhere”
Sometimes, it gets me back home without being killed or seriously injured or even just called a slur so yeah it does.
#I get hate crimed almost every time I leave my house#so yeah sometimes I don’t wear the clothes I want to or look the way I want to#but I survive#stop victim blaming#you can be cripplepunk AND ALSO do what you need to in order to not be hate crimed#chronically couchbound#disability#disabled#cripple punk#cripplepunk#disabled pride#disability pride#cw hate crime
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bath is such a tourist trap 😭😭 the roman baths were neat but that’s literally all there is
#stream#skip sally lunn’s house unless u want to sit around for 15 minutes waiting to have ur drink order taken only to sit around for an hour to#have to go out and FIND THE WAITER bc we been sittin for an HOUR waitin for the damn FOOD TO SHOW UP#man didn’t show up once 🙄#literally i’m still so annoyed that im going to leave a review like bro what the fuck we were the ONLY people in the entire ROOM & we were#just ??? looking around ???? like what the fuck#i hate all non american restaurants unless they’re like#UPPITY UPPITY restaurants or like a PUB#anything in between is trash & i would rather kill myself than go to them#either give me bugs in my drink or a Real Server that’s IT !!!!!#😭😭😭😭😭#i wouldn’t have been dramatic if i wasn’t just drinking fucking BLACK TEA on an EMPTY STOMACH like BRO i was going to VOMIT#i got so annoyed i was like i’m just going into the kitchen bc what the fuck is this like guess i gotta cook this trash myself ?#then they just comped the drinks like … lol#omar covered bc i was going to argue bc the ORHER SERVER SAID SHES COMPING EVERUTHING BC AN HOUR IS BULLSHIT#THATS AN H O U R#FOR FUCKING 2 SLICES OF HAM W MUSTARD ON A BUN#I’m soooooo ANNOYED#like what pisses me off the most is slow service#be RUDE just don’t be fuckin SLOW#IF UR TABLE IS BORED UR DOING A BAD JOB
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I am fighting for my life to be mentally stable and it’s not working
#personal*#jess talks#trigger warning cus I’m feeling really low and might vent#but genuinely I want to give up#I don’t want to exist#I feel like a burden and a scrounger#I realised yesterday that everything I have is because of someone else#I haven’t earnt anything for myself or done anything with my life#I complain that I can’t support myself#yet I make no effort to fix that#im scared of my insecurity to do anything#I’m scared I’m not good enough#I’m scared to exist in my own home#it doesn’t feel like my home#I haven’t felt ‘at home’ since before uni#I’ve moved house 6 times in the past 7 years#I never feel secure or safe#and I feel responsible#I wish I could just go get a good paying job and support myself and my family#all I want is my independence back like I had at uni#but even at uni I was living off of a loan I’ll never be able to pay off#my whole existence is a waste#I’m contemplating giving up on my art and business because it’s getting me no where#I might as well give up entirely#I can’t see any positive resolutions in sight and I feel so helpless#but all I’m doing is feeling sorry for myself#my parents are sm worse off than I am currently yet I’m the one having panic attacks and terrified to leave my room??#I’m gonna be 26 still living with my parents achieving nothing for myself#with no relationship experience and not an inclining of self respect#grow up Jess
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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game
#hi everyone#I’m going around hugging you all#okay now that we are gathered here today#i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best#i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time#and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol#but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine#literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything#I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour#then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it#and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again#I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do#so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday#y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts#I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story#I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my#own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents#.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire#but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself#I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump#I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions#I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well#I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it#I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing#I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time
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Penelope could have done the funniest thing at Reavers party and just burnt the fucking house down again
#fable#fable 2#listen if you don’t want your house burnt down at your#“i just got my house rebuilt after the fire [which killed my boytoy]my girlfriend set because she found out about my other girlfriend” party#Don't invite the girlfriend that burnt your house down????#really leaving yourself open on that one king#reaver
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so we’ve established by now that we’ve all acquired an inner Senshi that tells us to eat properly and an inner Chilchuck that tells us to be mindful of our rights in the workplace, but what about Laios and Marcille? their self-care schticks are a little bit more abstract than the other two, so I’m curious as to what everyone’s learning from them
#dungeon meshi#personally my laios tells me to stop forcing myself to wear clothes that are Bad Sensory just bc I’m going out in public#I have a specific pair of Leaving The House Trousers that everyone always says are very stylish and androgynous#but they’re made of scratchy fabric and have an annoying seam and don’t keep my shirt properly tucked in#so I’ll be standing in my loose jsk (good sensory but gets me a bad grade in transmasc) looking mournfully at the trousers#and that’s when laios will pop up like ‘well I wouldn’t pick the trousers. anyway do you want to hear a monster fact’#on the flipside my marcille mostly helps with motivating me to take care of my appearance on days when I wouldn’t otherwise have the spoons#particularly maintaining my hair (yeah I know)#I’ve said this before but ryoko kui did such a good job of tricking nerds into taking care of ourselves in every possible respect haha
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I'm so looking forward to iroh and zuko properly talking and seeing irohs reaction to zuko being gay.
Like we all know he doesn't agree with the fire nation rn but how will he react?
Will he not support him cause sokkas a guy? Will he not support him because it's SOKKA? Will he accept him? Will he reveal he's known for years zuko was gay?
Especially with everything that happened with zhao, regarding to what jee said to bato on their date. (Which is a very understandable perspective, zuko just got out of this very sexually traumatising situation and almost immediately starts a relationship (his first relationship) with sokka, but then again it is a very unique situation)
One thing I love about some atla fics is how they portray the FNs thoughts on queerness, cause on one hand they were one of the only country's (I think) that treated men and women the same but then again it's also the fucking fire nation.
And I also think zukos whole canon arc can be very comparative to queerness,
His dads an asshole and after speaking out against him he throws him out, and zuko try's for 3 years to regain his father's love and acceptance, and then faced with the opportunity of regaining it takes it immediately regardless of who or what he may hurt (iroh, his own morals etc) but once he makes it back home realises how fucked up everything is and eventually confronts his dad and openly tells him he doesn't agree with him then runs aways.
I also wonder if iroh secretly knows jee is queer it doesn't seem that likely to me but it also is iroh so who knows.
<3
I do think Iroh’s reaction will be a big moment for not only the story but for Zuko’s character development. Right now, Zuko’s technically still a prisoner, holding himself there by assuming Iroh will not understand or judge him when in reality he’ll never know what his uncle is thinking until they TALK ABOUT IT. (Which the FN royal family is just sooo good at healthy communication I don’t understand why this is so hard for them lol?!)
I do agree that the suddenness of the relationship combined with the intensity from both zuko and Sokka is very alarming for people looking at it from the outside (I mean we all totally get it cause we were there but others are like uhhhh hmmmm ok this might be concerning) so I get them gossiping and wondering if this is truly real or what the fucks going on with those boys.
I love Zukos canon arc because there’s just so much about zukos story that can be relatable no matter who you are and I think that’s why he is a fan favorite (it doesn’t explain why we torture him the way we do but ehhhh it’s fine haha)
Hmmmmmm does iroh know Jees gay? Depends on how saucy those music nights got ;)
#HAHAHA DO SEE THE JEEROH JOKE SOCKS?!?! I hope you see it through all your House reblogging nonsense haha#Jk you obsess over your new blorbos I support you!#I love this ask thank you#I also love that canon gave us so much to work with but left it loose enough we could do what we wanted#like I’ve read the fire nation written so many different ways in fics it’s insane#And I love all the unique thoughts!#I will continue to flesh out the FN little by little as we progress#An azula pov (or someone from her squad) will be part of every new chapter until the end#She’s a coming haha#I don’t know if iroh knows Jee is gay#Or that jee is like one date away from hooking up with bato haha#Or that zuko is already kind of hooking up with sokka (not really but I mean they’re getting prettttttttty snuggly haha)#But yeah idk I’m excited this next chapter it is A LOT#& we will be SUPER CLOSE to getting some answers to your questions lol#Thanks for this cool ask these are my favorite asks#Sorry if you’ve sent me an ask lately and I haven’t responded I’m getting better at that I promise#I will say though that I don’t respond to asks if I genuinely don’t know what to say or if I feel I might come off too mean or rude.#So yeah sorry anyone who’s ask I didn’t respond#(I also forget them in drafts and then feel weird about posting it after it’s been a month so I’m sorrrryyyyyy…)#Ok phew this was a lot of tags sorry#monsieugrgraves#Leaving it all behind#LIAB#ITF#ask
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i do not like thanksgiving (week)
#1. late november? it’s Dark. all the time. pure darkness#also my dad is neurotic for no reason about the electricity bill despite how much money he spends on random other crap#and he will get really nasty with you if you leave a light on for one nanosecond longer than it needs to be on#so like only if you’re in the room which means the house is dark all the time and you’re expected to just walk around like that#even though having a light on at your destination if you’re moving back and forth helps#like sorry i don’t want to feel depressed and sleepy all the time#2. family over means i have to socialize even though i straight up have nothing to say#i think this one is self explanatory i think we all know the feeling of having to perform around relatives and to be friendly#i really do try my best i’m not like a hardcore introvert i’m just boring and easily bored#if i have nothing to say but i am expected by law to be present at the gathering#i will cope with looking awkward by constantly snacking on whatever food is present#so i just eat like a ton of crackers or whatever over several hours#and i feel like absolute crap#like blehhh wdym peanut m&ms will make your body annoyed at you#3. i can’t cook i’ll be so real so i can’t even feel like i’m being helpful#i would gladly help out i’ll just always need someone to hold my hand and i’ll be in the way#so it’s better for me to stay away#but then it looks like i’m just lazy#or again antisocial#and then that means i gotta do cleanup and dishes#4. going back to the Darkness and sleepiness. all of the above things are bad enough over say christmas#but at least then i can relax bc the semester is over it’s a real break#but thanksgiving? man i am still busy. i have to work from home. i am stressed#my instinct is to hibernate and relax bc of the darkness and holiday vibe#however i’m not allowed to#but it’s hard to be productive#harder still when you have to operate under someone else’s rules#peach rambles
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eddie moves to texas, leaving buck in la, but crucially does not tell chris, just says he’ll see him soon. chris and eddie spend time together, are doing okay, chris wants to know how long a time off bobby gave his dad to visit texas, eddie informs chris that he actually lives here now and thinks chris will like his new room. chris is horrified because he never wanted to stay in texas. a call back to eddie quitting the 118, ‘i thought that’s what you wanted/i never said that” and chris is like well what now i don’t want to live in texas i want to go home, where’s buck? and eddie is once again tortured by the idea that he’s doing everything wrong because he uprooted his life, chris’s life, bucks life, and none of them wanted it. chris tells eddie to call buck immediately and eddie does and then we cut to bucks loft, where he’s sitting on eddies old couch with red eyes, raises the ringing phone, glances at the name, and then silences it and puts it back down, raises a beer and drinks in silence, shot exactly like the post-breakup scene but without eddie.
#buddie#divorce round 3#I am ready for the angst#queue bucks realization#eddie so badly needs to get in contact with buck#Buck doesn’t want to talk to Eddie because he just got left behind again#and it stings#and his sister is missing#and he’s left his manic baking era#for his depressed girl era#and he gets 45 tattoos in a week#especially on his thighs#please give him ostarks thigh tats#and then buck is going out on the town#let buck fuck#and he’s wearing his tiny running shorts and flirting with randos to ignore the eddie eddie eddie eddie in his head#and meanwhile eddie is fighting with his parents who want him to stay#but Chris wants to go#but eddie is already subletting their house#and buck won’t answer#he hasn’t even texted eddie back#and chris tries to find buck on find my friends but his location is off now#and now eddie is frustrated because what the fuck buck#and he’s pissed at buck for not picking up and leaves an annoyed voicemail#apologizing but also telling him to call him back because I know you’re upset but this is ridiculous buck we don’t do this#and then it turns out that buck was hit by a car leaving#and his phone was crushed which is why his location isn’t working#and nobody calls eddie because he left#but Denny texts Chris that he hopes buck will be okay#and chris is like????
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i think i'm finally gonna read house of leaves wish me luck
#i've been meaning to read this book for like 5+ years lol#i think i'm finally ready to commit to it and also i just bit the bullet and bought a copy#because i know myself enough to know that i will not finish it if i get it from the library#and also they didn’t have the gravity falls book at the bookstore hahaha they said they’ve sold out of it twice#so. oh well. house of leaves time first#also i think i'm gonna finish fma brotherhood without my friend who wanted to watch it in the first place#out of spite because he's still being a little bitch#hope he doesn't change his mind! or feel butt hurt when i don't want to watch shit with him anymore#i think after all this i'm not gonna watch any longer series with him anymore#movies only. low commitment only. so he can't bail on me just on a whim#i'm enjoying fma a lot though!! these boys are the exact type of characters i get attached to lol#i like the alchemy shit also and the humor/drama balance#and the character design and the world building and the Lore#i was kind of on a movie kick again earlier this month but i just don’t have a lot of time for it rn#or the attention span. to be so honest#kind of embarrassing but i’m so mentally exhausted and i’ve been splitting my attention between a lot of different things lately#i was on such a reading kick this summer too!! hopefully house of leaves will replenish my energy for reading#i also got a sci-fi novel a nonfiction book and a folklore collection so i have plenty of new material rn#and i found another book that i want to reread soon#winter is gonna be a big reading time i am committing to that!!#anyway. that’s that
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it’s like. i love being trans. and also if there was a loving god he wouldn’t do this to me
#usually my mental illness is emotional Nothingness. when i take wellbutrin i can feel again!#and when the wellbutrin loses efficacy i keep the feeling but lose the good ones so i just unlock Regular Depression. which fucking Sucks#and a couple weeks ago i ran out of t gel and it is a controlled substance so they wouldn’t give me my refill until the full 60 days were up#which meant i had to be off t for like a week. and i was so so hopeful that it wouldn’t do anything to me.#but it restarted my cycle so i’m bleeding rn. and it is so fucking awful#it Hurts and it feels Humiliating and Wrong#cramps and stomach issues And dysphoria and bleeding. nothing more evil to do to me right now#and it’s worse cause i was done with that. i literally GOT RID OF IT. I PUT THE WORK IN. I WAS FREE.#but i couldn’t have my medicine and now i no longer control my own body. horrifying. so horrifying#wore a kind of ill fitting binder today too and it kickstarted Other dysphoria on the drive home so. messed up rn.#i just want to be able to live my life man. i want to have a body that looks and functions like me#and can feel things and do things#and doesn’t subject me to hurt in multiple multiple ways. that would be really cool.#genuinely it does not fucking matter if god loves me. cause if this is what i go through when he loves me#then i don’t want his fucking love.#i hope god kills himself actually#i want to wake up and just be able to put a shirt on and leave the house. can you imagine a fucking world#gonna try nd sleep for like five minutes and then go to dinner with my mom. i can be okay. i can be stronger than my struggles#i just need to be really fucking angry with god.#great time to be reading paradise lost#valentine notes
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exhausted of existing ✌️
#after college I moved back home#mistake but like. no clue what I’m doing with my life.#I got two part time jobs so I was working basically full time#however I was basically let go of the one job a couple of weeks ago#I am starting an internship in January where I will be moving far far away#I thought it was reasonable to expect to just work part-time for a couple of months until I leave for the internship#Wrong. apparently my mother has been furious at me for months because I haven’t had an in-person full-time job#last night we had an hours-long argument that basically boiled down to “you will pay rent to live in my house and be my maid…#or you are kicked out.#thanks mom!! and she has the gall to say that I’m selfish and don’t love her enough.#she’s a narcissistic and conspiracy-theory-believing terf so#anyway. so now I’m stuck doing like quite literally all of the chores around the house AND paying her like at least $500 of rent to her#monthly AND she wants me to get another job for a couple months somehow too.#Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so tired of existing in this way.#I never talk about my personal life on here but. I’m just so pissed off at her.
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Oh while im writing bullshit how come we don’t talk about ghost fish floating around danny all the time to feed on his passive ecto output?
Hes like a filter we put in fish tanks? Yall see that episode of doctor who about the skyfish? Solid Christmas special but that around Danny.
Do yall think if a shark didn’t feel hunger it would eat other fish? Like imagine how cook and chill a shark ghost would be. Don’t gotta attack cause it’s dead and never feels threatened. No need to hunt or anything no hunger.
Anyway Danny with a let ghost shark that is smooth
#danny phantom#non crossover post#I could make it a crossover if you want#like gothem has so much toxic excto in the air that danny is confused by how agressive the ghost fish are#it’s like when u put an anti rodent plug in your house and drive your rabbit insane#I havent don’t that ours froze to death#omg#do yall think animals that freeze to death leave little frosted footprints?#kinda cute#anyway back to the corssover this isnt#thats part of why gothem is so badluck and cursed cause the fish are doing it#they angry so when a ghost shark bites tou joker attacks#or something idk#ghost fish swimming around crazy at arkum causing doors to unlock and helping people eacape#ok im a dipe my face hurts a whole lot and I can’t spell
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one like and i’ll have some weed
#i think i’m so funny#gosh i’m so tired and i miss my love and i’m so tired of chronic pain#my legs hurt!!!!! i don’t want them to hurt anymore#and it’s so upsetting when the depression makes itself Known i’m not so good with this one#yknow? ive mostly had anxiety and that’s pretty okay i know how to deal with that one but unfortunately i do still have depression#even if i don’t know how to talk to her that well#it’s not morally wrong to be high it’s okay i did do an assignment even if i haven’t been able to leave the house in a few days#listening to rilo kiley tho#and i did an assignment today#maybe i’ll try to do the dishes if i can stand up#wish i had more than $36 in my bank account#or my legs didn’t hurt so i could do some uber deliveries#but alas#anyway#amar thots
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(face in hands) (again) men will simply feel the walls closing in around them
#my brother got covid from hanging out with his boyfriend. again.#and by the sounds of it they want to quarantine at our house.#ih his room which is. you know. directly adjacent to my room.#aaaaa and we have a trip coming up in two weeks and then my job starts in full and just#if he comes here i’m literally leaving to go stay at my partner’s instead#but it’s killing me because i’ll have to leave my pc and tablet behind and just#aaaaaaa i feel stressed i feel stressed#i’ve been in an exhausted fog for the past two weeks and it feels like i can’t get anything done#it’s like time has just been slipping by me and it makes me So So Upset#like what do you mean we’re more than halfway through august!!!!#and yet also: FUCK!!!!! I TOTTED THROUGH AUGUST!!!!!#i’m coming dangerously close to feeling the way i did during spring semester#when my brain is craving a release like crack cocaine but it’s not coming#every other day i’m dealing with work crap and hassling with irl things#and when i’m not doing that i’m rotting at my desk fatigued out of my mind#trying my best not to pass out until 9pm when it’s reasonable to do so#just staring at whatever video i can put on and blaring it loudly so i don’t fall asleep#aaaaa…………..i want out of this………. i’m on my break and yet i still want out aaaaaa……..
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