#wish i had more than $36 in my bank account

[girlboyfemme]

one like and i’ll have some weed

[shakespeareanwannabe]

As You Wish, Chapter 11

Summary: When arriving at Camp Silver Star, Abby Floyd was anticipating a summer of adventure with an ocean separating her from the three people she loved most: her mom, her Uncle Bob and her Aunt Natasha. But after a run in with Charlie Seresin, an extremely familiar looking and irritating camper in a different cabin, her summer plans take a turn that neither girl ever could have expected.

Trigger Warnings: reader's children are described as being blond with green eyes because genetics are wild and Jake's genes are strong, reader is canonically Bob's sister (but biological relation is never discussed), reader goes by Buttercup and is tattooed, angst, arguing, sadness, reference to divorce, kids doing sneaky things, references to babies, swearing, references to military deployment, blood, medical inaccuracy, military inaccuracy

Jake’s Apartment, 11 Years Ago

“Don’t go,” Buttercup begged, standing in the doorway of the bedroom. “I thought you weren’t supposed to get deployed again for like a year.”

Jake shrugged as he packed his bag. “Something came up, and they need the best of the best. So, they’re sendin’ me, Javy, Rooster, Bob and Phoenix.”

Buttercup cupped her small bump, her ring finger glinting with the wedding ring he had put there only two weeks previous. The wedding had been a surprise, a shotgun wedding in the typical sense of the word, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. The love of his life was pregnant, with twins, and was now Mrs. Seresin. Everything was coming up roses for Jake Seresin, and he was living for it. But the newly minted Mrs. Seresin…

“When will you be back?” she asked, her hand stroking her belly nervously.

Jake huffed a laugh. “That’s above my paygrade, sweetness.”

“I’m serious, Jake,” she swallowed. “Will you be back before the babies come?”

Jake paused. She was five months pregnant with twins, and everyone kept telling him that twins always came early. Would he be back in four months? It was impossible to say.

He turned towards her, smiling as softly as he could as he took her into his arms. “You’ll have Penny. And Mav and Payback and Fanboy and everyone else. It’ll be okay.”

She shoved out of his arms and stalked over to the bedroom window. “I don’t want everyone else. I want you. My husband. The father of my children. That’s who I want with me as I get all huge and can’t shave my legs and when I have to get poked and prodded at my appointments. Not a bunch of strangers. I want you.”

“I want you too,” he waggled his eyebrows at her, but didn’t get the giggling response he hoped for.

“I came here to visit my brother, but I stayed for you,” she murmured. “And now you’re both leaving and I’m going to be stuck here, useless.”

“Not useless,” he soothed, trying again to hold her. “You’re growing our babies. And if you ever feel like you need more, you could always go help Penny with the bar. But you don’t have to worry about anything, okay? I’m sending every paycheck home to you. The apartment is paid off completely, and the utilities come out of my bank account automatically. It’ll be okay.”

Buttercup swiped at her eyes and sidestepped him. “You don’t get it.”

“Then explain it to me, babe. Because I’m leaving in less than 36 hours and I’d like to know that my pregnant wife will be waiting for me when I get back,” he huffed.

“Of course I’ll be here!” she snapped. “I would never do that to you. But you’re fine with leaving me.”

Jake sighed and slowly walked over to her, hesitating only momentarily before placing his hands on her shoulders.

“I’m not fine with leaving you,” he whispered. “I feel like a fox caught in a trap, ready and willing to gnaw my own foot off if it meant the Navy wouldn’t own my ass anymore. But I can’t.” He let his hands glide down her body to rest on her small bump. “I don’t want to miss a second of this but I know I will. What I won’t miss is the birth. I swear to God. I’ll make sure I come home before they even think of coming out of their mama.” He pressed a sweet kiss to her cheek. “I’ll talk to Mav. He still has some sway over Cyclone. He can make sure I’m home, and that I don’t get deployed once they arrive. Not for a while, at least.”

He felt Buttercup shudder against him and was thankful that, this time, she allowed him to pull her into his arms. “And you’ll be safe? You’ll come home?”

Jake sighed and did the one thing he’d always sworn to himself that he would never do. “I promise, baby. I swear to God that I’m comin’ home to you.”

Cabana Bar, Hotel Zaza, Now

Jake held them for what felt like hours, until one of the girls started to squirm and try to pull away from the embrace.

“Dad…you’re soaking wet.”

Jake chuckled a little as he pulled away, stretching to his full height. “Sorry. I just missed you both so much.” He nodded his thanks to a helpful staff member, who handed him a fluffy white towel. “How…how are you here?” He blinked down at them. “You said something about a switch?”

The girls shuffled their feet nervously, but it was Buttercup who stepped forward. “You’re bleeding,” she murmured, gesturing to his soaking white shirt. Jake glanced down, noting the tear in his shirt and the red that was now staining it. Buttercup bit her lip, stepping closer. “What happened?”

Jake looked over at the bartender, who was shooting daggers at the lot of them, surrounded by shattered glass. “He stepped into my path and the deck was too slippery for me to course correct in time, so I bumped into him. I guess I took a few glasses to the chest as they shattered.”

Buttercup clocked the glares of the bartender too because she said, “Let’s go get you cleaned up. Then our daughters can explain themselves to you.”

Jake nodded, just as a shrill voice sounded behind him. “Oh my goodness, there’s two of them?”

Jake turned, finding Savannah clutching her chest, an older man and woman flanking her. “Savannah, meet my daughters. Abby and Charlie. And this…” Jake glanced at Buttercup with a look that was heavy with guilt. “This is my ex-wife. Their mother.”

Savannah gasped and leaned heavily against her father. “It’s alright, pookie,” the older southern gentleman soothed, his elegant wife fetching a fan from her clutch and waving it over her daughter’s wan face. “Let’s get you some air and some sweet tea to get you feeling better.” He gathered Savannah into his arms and gave them a reproachful look before striding off, his wife teetering behind him in her heels.

Jake couldn’t help the groan that escaped him. “Great…”

One of the girls bit their lip. “Sorry, dad.”

Jake shook off the weight of Colonel Beaumont’s glare and smiled down at her. “It’s alright. I’ll deal with it later.” He looked up and met Buttercup’s bright gaze. “You sure it’s alright if you patch me up?”

She rolled her eyes and headed towards the door. “I wouldn’t have offered if I minded, Hangman.”

Jake grinned and followed behind her, each of his strong hands resting on the shoulders of his daughters.

As Buttercup called down to the concierge to ask for a first aid kit, Jake settled onto her bed (and refused to think any further on that subject) while the girls stood in front of him and quickly explained everything.

The camp, Penny’s meddling, switching places, Rooster finding out, Bob finding out, their phone call to each other, their plan to corner them both here and make them talk to each other.

By the time they ran out of words, there was a knock on the door and Buttercup moved towards it, greeting the staff member who handed her the large white first aid kit. All the while, Jake gaped at his daughters.

“Well, hell…” he finally found it in himself to murmur. “That was some sneaky crap you two pulled.”

“Language,” Buttercup murmured softly, a small smile breaking out on Jake’s face.

“Sorry, darlin’,” he nodded as she laid out the first aid kit on the bed next to him. “I’m just saying, why didn’t either of you pony up and talk to us?”

“We were going to,” one of them started, a slight lilting accent to her voice, and Jake knew that was his Abby. They really were so identical (and Jake wasn’t ashamed to admit that he had no clue what his daughter had been wearing before she left the house that day or if she had changed when they got to the hotel), so he was having a hard time telling them apart when they weren’t speaking. “But we got scared.”

“You were both so sad whenever we brought up our missing parent, and we didn’t want to make you sad,” said Charlie, her young voice twanging.

“But when we met—”

“We really wanted to meet our other parent—”

“And we decided to ask forgiveness instead of permission.”

Jake shook his head in wonder. “I don’t know how you two pulled it off, but I’m impressed. Don’t ever do something like that again, but I’m impressed.”

Both girls blushed and nodded, both looking so much like him that he had to give his head a shake. They were incredible. They were his. And they were here. All three of them were.

As that thought raced across his mind like an off-leash dog, he glanced up at Buttercup, still standing before him, now with a fluffy white robe wrapped around her overtop of her soaked clothes.

“Why don’t you two go find your aunt and uncles?” he suggested, not taking his eyes off his ex.

Glancing between them, the two girls nodded and headed for the door, calling their goodbyes over their shoulders.

“Don’t forget your room keys,” Buttercup called after them, her eyes not leaving his either.

Once they heard the door click shut, both adults sighed.

“I…I guess you should take your shirt off,” Buttercup mumbled, staring at the spot on his white shirt that was slowly growing redder.

“Didn’t realize you were so eager to get me out of my clothes, Buttercup,” Jake quipped with a smirk, his hands going for the tiny pearlescent buttons. “I’m flattered.”

“Don’t call me that,” she gritted between her teeth, eyes casting downward toward the first aid kit.

“Why not?” he challenged, his hands stilling.

“Because I’m not…”

“Not what?”

She met his gaze again and he was taken aback by the fire blazing in them. “Because I’m not yours anymore.”

His whole body stilled. It was true, what she had said. She wasn’t his. Not anymore. They had a decade of memories separating them now. Separate lives. Lives that only included a daughter that shared half his DNA and half hers. He’d hated the custody arrangement, they both had, but it was the only thing that made sense with their schedules and Buttercup’s health. And now, there she was. Eyes burning at him in a way that he hadn’t seen since before the birth of their daughters. At least one thing had gone right in their divorce. His Buttercup was back and more fierce than ever.

“I know that,” he said quietly. “But you still have your tattoo, don’t you?” His eyes traced the stem of buttercup blossoms that peeked out from under her white robe. “Bob and Natasha still call you Buttercup?” She nodded. “Then I don’t see why I can’t.”

“B-because…because you’re you,” her chest heaved slightly, as though she was desperate for air. Jake stood and opened the hotel window slightly, allowing the fresh breeze to rustle the leaves of the fake fern in the corner. She blinked, staring at him as her breathing almost immediately came easier to her. “I don’t think your fiancée would like it if you were still calling your ex-wife by a pet name,” she mused, striding forward to grab the disinfectant from the kit.

“Savannah can deal with it,” he muttered, already knowing he was in for one hell of an argument when he met up with his fiancée and future in-laws later.

“You sure she’s mature enough for that?” Buttercup muttered under her breath, gesturing for him to continue unbuttoning his shirt.

He chuckled shortly, peeling his wet shirt off his tan skin. “Jealous?”

“Of you being engaged? No. Of how little time she has to spend scrolling to find her birth year? Maybe a little.”

Jake chuckled again, the sound warm and soothing. “I am sometimes too, I think. She doesn’t have to search long, meanwhile I feel like I’m spinning the wheel on the Price is Right or some shit.”

Buttercup giggled in spite of herself. “At least you finally found someone at your maturity level.” She leaned in and pressed a cotton swab soaked in antiseptic to the thin line that bisected his pec.

“Low blow, sweetheart,” he hissed.

Buttercup muttered a half-hearted apology as she found another cut, not bleeding but crusted over with dried blood and a small piece of glass.

“What do you two even talk about?” she pondered as she grabbed the tweezers, steadying herself against his abs, still hard and defined after all those years.

Jake sighed, bracing himself for the inevitable discomfort of having the nearly superficial wound poked and prodded, but it never came. As always, his Buttercup’s hands were soft and gentle with him.

“You really want to have this conversation?” he asked softly.

She blinked up at him, her eyes wide and earnest. “Would you rather we fight?”

“Why do those have to be our only options?”

Her steady hands grabbed the bandages and she carefully started to cover up the two wounds on his chest.

“Fighting was basically our only option there for a while,” she murmured, her body so close to his that he could practically feel her cool breath against his skin.

“I didn’t want it to be that way.” He craned his neck, trying to make eye contact, but her gaze remained firmly on her work. “I always hated it when we fought.”

She sighed as she made sure the soft gauze bandages were tight against his skin, her touch lingering slightly inches away from where his heart beat under his skin, before she sat back on her heels. “Me too. But—” she slapped her hands against her robed thighs before pushing herself to her feet again. “That’s all in the past. You’re getting married and I adore my job in the UK. The only thing we need to fight about now is how we’re going to split up the girls.”

Jake blinked at her. “You…you want to split them up again? What the hell, Buttercup? They just told us that they wanted a better custody arrangement.”

Buttercup flinched and took a step back from him. “I’m sorry. I…I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that we need to figure out how to split our time with them so that it’s fair. Should be easier now that you’re not in the Navy anymore.”

He felt his temper flare slightly in his chest, but he fought to hold that mask of calm on his face. “It would probably be even easier if you didn’t live on the other side of the planet.”

Her back stiffened and her face solidified into a mask of emotionless stone. “Indeed it would, but I love my job and I could no more give it up than you could give up your ranch in Texas.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he kept her gaze, slowly raising from his spot on the bed. “No one is asking you to give up your job, only to move. It’s a lot easier to move as a writer and publisher than it is to move a whole damn ranch.”

“Author.” At Jake’s blink, her icy voice sounded again. “I’m an author, Jake. Not a writer. And no one is asking you to move the ranch. I would never ask something like that of you.”

Jake stepped closer, the two of them nearly nose to nose. “I know you wouldn’t. You’d let it all go before you asked me for anything.”

This time he did feel her breath puffing against his face, the air hot against his skin. “I learned a long time ago that asking you for something would only lead to disappointment.”

“You know it wasn’t that easy,” he bit out, stepping even closer, his hands coming up to brace against the wall as she stepped back to lean into it, lean as far as she could out of his space. “What you were asking me for was—”

“Impossible,” she whispered. “I know. And now you know that what you’re asking me for is impossible too.”

“Even if it’s for our daughters?”

The question hung in the mere inches of air between them like a gas, a burning, toxic, intangible thing that was slowly choking them both.

In the silence, he couldn’t help but trace her features with his eyes, and he knew from her unfocused stare that she was doing the same to him. He may be older than he had been when they met, but he knew he still looked good. Got confirmation of it every time he went into town and saw the local ladies. But Buttercup…she looked even better than she had when they were together. The beauty of her youth hadn’t dimmed with age, but only settled into something that spoke of wisdom and loss and pain and rebirth, a shining fire within her. Like a—

“Phoenix!”

Both their heads whipped around as Rooster berated Phoenix for slamming the door open and strolling in like she owned the place. Jake stepped back like he’d been burned, and Buttercup took his momentary distraction as a means of escape, ducking below the arm that had been keeping her caged against the wall and moving back towards the bed. She calmly gathered the discarded materials from the first aid kit and threw them into the wastebasket next to the small hotel room desk.

Buttercup glanced around, her hands busy repacking the white kit, when she spotted her daughters among the crowd of those who were her family, and those who used to be.

“Couldn’t you two pick something a little less identical?” she teased, taking in the matching black and turquoise t-shirts the girls were wearing.

“No, that’s the point,” they replied, in perfect unison.

Buttercup stilled, her fingers hesitating at the latch of the case. “What do you mean?”

Rooster nudged past them, clapping Jake on the back as he strode toward the mini fridge. “They heard you arguing in the hallway,” he whispered in his ear.

Shit. The last thing he wanted was for the girls to hear them arguing, and, based on the look on Buttercup’s face as Bob whispered in her ear, he knew she was thinking the same thing.

“I’m sorry you heard us fighting,” Jake stepped in. “Your mom and I…we’ll work out a custody arrangement that leaves everyone happy. I promise. Divorced couples do it all the time.”

“Yes, well…we want to be sure,” said the twin with the Texan twang in her voice.

“Charlie, what’re you talkin’ about?”

The other twin blinked at him. “But Dad, I’m Charlie.”

Shit again.

Buttercup suddenly stood beside him. “Abby, Charlie, stop fussing about.”

“We’re not fussing about, Mum.”

“Of course we’re not, Mum.”

Buttercup groaned, her hand rising to rub at her eyes in such a familiar way that Jake was tempted to run out and grab her usual migraine relief items.

“Girls, please stop messing around,” Jake begged instead.

“We will.”

“As soon as we go back to the ranch. All of us.”

“Once we’re there, you two can figure out the custody arrangement. Then and only then, we’ll tell you who is who.”

“And you two came up with this scheme all on your own, huh?” Jake crossed his arms, his chest stinging slightly as the bandage pulled tight. His eyes scanned the gallery of adults around the room. His friends, his family, all looked away from him, Javy looking all too interested in the piece of hotel artwork that decorated the wall.

“Girls, please,” Buttercup whispered, crouching down to look them in the eye. “This isn’t fair and you know it. We promise that we’ll figure out a schedule, but we all have to go home. To our own homes.”

“Auntie Nat already called your publisher and said that you were extending your holiday,” one of the twins shrugged. “And Uncle Rooster said that Dad doesn’t have anything to do this week outside of the ranch business.”

“Other than groveling with my in-laws,” Jake muttered.

“Speaking of…wouldn’t this be best anyway, Dad?” the other twin blinked up innocently at him. “This way our stepmother can get to know both of us. Build bridges and heal old wounds and that kind of thing.”

Jake groaned and ran a hand over his face before crouching down, green eyes scanning their features. He could’ve sworn the one on the left was Charlie, but had her hair always been parted like that? And the one on the right kept switching into a damn convincing Texan twang. But the one on the left seemed to be favoring her left leg, which would track with some of the injuries that Charlie had collected over the years on the ranch. But then the twin on the right started favouring her left leg too, and Jake sighed.

“I can’t tell,” he whispered to Buttercup, who looked horrified.

“Neither can I,” she nearly whimpered. “What kind of mother doesn’t know her own children?”

“The kind of mother who taught her children never to give up without a fight,” the twin on the right piped up, smiling brightly at them. “Just one week, Mum. One week at the ranch. We can go on the annual trail ride with Dad, and you can work on your book. You said the flat in London was stifling your creativity anyway. At the end of the week, when you’ve got a schedule for custody, then we’ll tell you who is who and we can all go home. One week. Please?”

“Please, Mum?”

Buttercup groaned and rubbed her eyes. “Fine. But whichever one of you is Abby is losing her allowance for a week for pulling another one of these stunts on me.”

“Same goes for Charlie,” Jake grumbled, his pointer finger drifting between them. “And you two!” Jake turned his finger on Rooster and Javy. “You’ll have to step up and split my ranch responsibilities between you. Y’know, since I’m going to be so busy with my daughters and figuring out a schedule.”

Maybe it wasn’t fair, but Jake had no doubt that his two best friends had something to do with his daughters’ newest scheme.

“I’ll call the ranch and get the house ready for everyone,” Jake offered. “We’ve got more than enough room for the four of you.”

“No need,” Bob piped up. “I’ll be flying back tonight.”

“And I’m going with him,” Phoenix added, shooting a look in Javy’s direction. To Javy’s credit, he didn’t flinch at all.

“Like hell you are,” Buttercup hissed. “You two got me into this mess, so you’re going down with me.”

Bob’s cheeks reddened and Nat looked like she had something to say, but with one more meaningful look from Buttercup, they both nodded.

“Alright then,” Jake sighed. “I guess we’re all heading to the ranch. God help us all.”

Tags List: @jessicab1991 @waltermis @buckysteveloki-me @allepaula @yuckosworld @bradshawssugarbaby @ahopelessromanticwritersworld @kim-stark @high-speed-r @starsrfun @tomanyfandomstrash @averyhotchner @the-blueatlas @dashes-dizzydisaster @a-girl-who-loves-disney @boiolay @djs8891 @tgmreader @kmc1989 @landpiranha-blog @sydthekid1518 @lynnevanss @mackenzieblair @minejungwoo @starset21 @tgmavericklover @dempy @starkleila @magical-spit @whatislovevavy @simplyreading96 @vivalas-vega @itsdesiree86 @inky-sun @books-are-escapes @abaker74 @mrs-perfectly-fine @inthestars-underthesun @boisewaffles

[writingforatwistedworld]

I saw your requests open, so i decided to send in a request of my own before they close again <3 I'd like to request, Lilia Vanrouge, Ace Trappola, and Azul Ashengrotto with your self-aware au, if thats okay. My request is a GN!Reader who is the twin sibling to the overseer, who isn't that invested in the game but sometimes watches their sibling play. more on the platonic side too if thats okay!

You have every right to decline this request.

Self-aware au

I do not take any responsibility for you reading this no matter which age group you are from!

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, family problems, unhealthy relationship, obsession, implies kidnapping, violence

Ace Trappola/Azul Ashengrotto/Lilia Vanrouge-Twin sibling of the Player (PLATONIC!!!)

What a great day! The Overseer has blessed the world with their presence again!

The birds are chirping, it feels like it’s much easier to take care of the flamingos and even the hedgehogs are-WHY ARE THERE TWO OF OF THEM??!

Ok, the guy is just flabbergasted

There was never any talk about there being two Overseers

But wait, no. They aren’t the Overseer. You just look a lot like they were cloned

A bit of a different nose, the voice is also much different…

So… otherworldly being are also capable of having twins. Why does this suprise him so much?

It is a bit weird for him in the beginning

But over time he gets used to them and even wants you to be there

Why? Well because he is just a nice gu-he just wants bonus points

Imagine, your twin thinking that he is an awesome guy and telling them how great you think he is

That was the plan at least, now he geniunely cares about you (in a platonic way)

It’s as if you were adopted only that Ace is a lot more ready to use violence compared to what he would do if his older brother was the one should something ever happen to you

This guy is protective. People talk how boring you are in comparison to your twin? Deuce had to hold him back to beating them into… red messes

Sometimes he would also be grocery shopping for the dorm, see something and ask himself if he should buy it for his sibling on the other side of that seperation

Five seconds later he has to hold back a scream because he realised that he sees you as his own sibling

Yeah, safe to say that you just got a brother. A brother capable of a lot of violence should someone be the slightest bit rude to you but still a brother

Ah so, a twin?

Unlike Ace Azul is very chill with there being someone who looks like the Overseer

How nice, family fun… wait why aren’t you interested in them?

Azul wishes that you were even the slightest bit interested in the game

But no, you just watch your twin whilst stuff goes down here

Is this world not good enough for you?

Like a doting older brother he will try to correct things for you but… you aren’t the Overseer so there is not really something he can do…

It's suddenly like he has another reason for trying so hard other than his past and the Overseer

Now now, he can't be a bad brother, right? So everything needs to be perfect

Heartlabyul student number 36 suddenly feels chills going down his spine after he had said something in a dialogue that had bothered you

Azul doesn't even think about what he could get you when he is going out

No, he has more money than most students so when he sees something he just buys it

Of course not always, he also has to look out for the numbers on his bank account

He is very curious about you so he immediately starts trying to find out more about you like what you like, dislike, so on so on

There is that nagging feeling however

Azul knows that he means nothing to you even though you are like a sinking to him

So what does he need to do so that you at least notice him?

Floyd had never been so scared for his life before after he saw Azul threw that look in his direction

Octopus is a huge lump of muscles so I wouldn't be surprised that he once or twice crushed someones... breathing tube going down their throat out of anger and stress from wondering what he could do to make you his sibling

You know those religious moms that have a meltdown when someone says something against the foundation of their religious believes?

Yeah, Lilia is that mom just in male version

Whaaaat? TheOverseer has a twin? Are they testing him by showing him an illusion looking exactly like them?

Only after Malleus had a long, calming talk with him about his they don't really know that much about the Overseer despite them being their god

So after many emptied cups of tea and many sleepless nights, he finally accepts it

Whilst your twin governs this world you two share some banter and oh, how lovely it is

It almost feels like the old days when Silver and Sebek were much younger...

Congrats, if TWST had a reward system with funky names you would now get the notification of “Melancholy for the old days-how to make an immortal cry tears”

He definitely bursts into tears of happiness when he sees the two of you being so close

Ah yes, there were once those royal siblings which ended with one dead from his younger sisters jealousy, how good that the two of you get along

Those memories do get entangled with the sight of you two which makes him see you in a more “you-being-his-child” way

Your twin, no, he has studied too many scriptures to associate them like that. You though... you are more or less a new variable so...

How heartbreaking to see you separated from your true family, Silver and him

Malleus had a “wait what?” expression on his face when he heard Lilia cry about his lost child to him for the first time

Which led to Lilia telling Malleus that his child is on the other side of the two worlds and now there being preparations made it get that child back

Don't you worry, oh sweet child, soon you will be back by your fathers side, whether you want it or not

Oh he can't wait to introduce you to Sebek!

[biberrymuffin]

I posted 17,138 times in 2022

That's 5,965 more posts than 2021!

18 posts created (0%)

17,120 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@anoddreindeer

@peri

@transbaphomet

@rainbowchibbit

@stemmmm

I tagged 190 of my posts in 2022

#biberrymuffin - 26 posts

#axe talks abt stuff - 24 posts

#toh spoilers - 17 posts

#the owl house spoilers - 15 posts

#reblog - 11 posts

#answer - 7 posts

#text post - 7 posts

#axe talks bout the toonz - 6 posts

#ask meme - 4 posts

#anonymous - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#lol i was so made after two years of going through hoops tryna get on t when my friend told me he just went to planned parenthood and got it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

The Kipo soundtrack didn't have to go that hard but they did and I'm OBSESSED.

6 notes - Posted January 27, 2022

#4

See the full post

6 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

#3

See the full post

12 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

#2

So, I swore to myself for the longest time that I would never do one of these posts, but I’m a broke college student and I’ve been paying out of pocket and for my medical bills for my HRT all by myself recently and it’s made quite a LARGE dent in my bank account as of late along with tuition. I currently only have 8 or so dollars in my bank account, and have some upcoming fees I need to pay, and until I have access to my college fund (which is on hold due to me recently becoming the shareholder cuz my grandparents were just moved to memory care and can no longer manage the funds) or my next paycheck, I’m in a bit of a bind. You don’t have to donate anything if you don’t want to but anything is appreciated, even the smallest amount, as well as just reblogging this post if you can. Here are my links:

ko-fi.com/axeking

https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/axemcavinue

Again you don’t have to send me anything, but if you can it’s much appreciated. 

36 notes - Posted May 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Baymax: You are getting older. Your body may change, but you will always be you. 

This scene in the Baymax! animated series almost made me cry as a transmasc person. I remember when I got my first period and was so scared and confused, and I wish I had a sweet lil marshmallow robot helper to help me deal with the emotional turmoil I went through. Someone to let me know it was OK if my body was changing, because it was just biology and no matter what I would always be the same person. I think a lot of kids who go through puberty need to hear that message. Not just trans kids or young women. 

I also rewatched Big Hero Six after Baymax! and the movie also mentions masculine puberty. When Baymax first scanned Hiro after Tadashi passed away, he mentioned that Hiro was dealing with mood swings, and that his pituitary gland had increased activity (on his sensors) and had high testosterone levels, GPR54, GnRH, and that his voice was fluctuating. Meaning not only was Hiro dealing with loss, but also puberty which as I am currently going through my own masculine puberty, can be just as confusing and nerve-wracking for guys. 

It just made me realize that we could have gotten an entirely different movie, where the whole time Baymax was trying to help Hiro with his puberty. 

And also how much we need to properly explain puberty to kids and help them cope with these changes, instead of making it out to be a taboo or completely life changing thing. Puberty is a natural part of life, and therefore, should be treated as such. 

Overall, I’m just really glad we got such good representation about this.

150 notes - Posted July 8, 2022

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[rk1kheadcanons]

Markus and Connor are secret dating b/c Connor doesn't wanna be out to the world yet. The Jericrew (-Connor) go drinking and Markus gets *drunk* and starts rambling about his boyf after he rebuffs an advance made by a lady at the bar super sappily, but no matter how hard the others press him, they just get "oh, his eyes are the color of warm chocolate..." answers as to who this boyf is

You would never know Markus was drunk.

He didn’t stutter or slur when he spoke, he didn’t sway or trip over his feet. He didn’t giggle goofily or speak overly loud. He was perfectly composed, as much the charismatic android sober as he was when he was intoxicated.

What he did do, however, was go on long monologues like a Shakespearian stage actor.

Which would be fine, if Markus’ favorite subject to wax poetic about wasn’t his mysterious boyfriend, whom he’d sworn not to reveal the identity of until they were ready. Which would also be fine, if that mysterious boyfriend wasn’t Connor, who was often sitting right next to him (and slowly but surely bluescreening his way into that big Windows XP wallpaper in the sky) as he sang and lathered compliment after compliment, steadily giving away clues that were so blatant that it was a miracle that no one had figured them out yet.

Markus never remembered what he’d done the next day, and whenever Connor mercilessly played back his memories, his poor lover was as embarrassed as he was apologetic. Connor could hardly begrudge him (frankly he didn’t know what sane person on this planet could ever begrudge Markus, but that was just Connor’s correct opinion). What could they even do about it? Should he demand Markus consciously control himself? It wasn’t like Connor was any better at it. Give the RK800 too many AMB’s (Adios Motherboards) and he would be on top of the nearest table and scream-singing his every professionally repressed emotion, regardless if it was a karaoke bar or not. Hence why he never imbibed more than he could handle when they were around their friends. The last thing he wanted to do was sloppily propose to Markus after a long and terrible rendition of K-Ci and JoJo.

And Connor wouldn’t dream of telling Markus to measure the contents of his drink like Connor did. Not when his breaks were so rare, and getting him to relax and let loose was like pulling teeth.

It was just in the cards that their big revelation as a couple would be in a random bar at 3AM, with Markus saying something along the lines of “my boyfriend’s name starts with a C and rhymes with Donner”, and Connor had made peace with that.

“Scarlet woman!” Markus cried, at some random bar at 3AM, surrounded by their drunken comrades. Ah, would this be the night? Connor thought, on the correct side of buzzed as he watched on from the table right next to them, a heady mix of dread and amusement running through his computer soul. “Jezebel! How d a r e you solicit my happily taken hand!”

The waitress, who looked like she regretted serving their table, let alone attempting to get the number from the happily taken hand, raised her hands in surrender. “Sorry, sorry,” she said peaceably and with the calm air of someone who dealt with drunks as a job choice, “just trying to shoot my shot, ya know?”

Markus nodded at her magnanimously, because he was a kind and forgiving man even as a drunken buffoon. “Fret not. I pardon you of this most heinous slight, for if you knew the one to own my heart, you would understand that no other could compare.”

“Sure thing dude,” she said goodnaturedly, packing up and replacing drinks around their tables expertly, and parting with a “have a good night Romeo.”

“But who can no other compare to? WHOMST??” asked North, throwing her torso onto the table and looking up at Markus pleadingly.

“We’ve ruled out Jerry #451, Claudia, Baris from accounting, and Jerry #36,” Simon rattled off. He was looking down at a napkin that he had scribbled the names of all of their potential suspects. “I’ve got it. It’s Baris.”

North rolled her eyes. “We already said it wasn’t Baris.”

“Ohhh. Right, right.” Simon nodded his head and continued to not cross off the names of the people they had decided against, as he had been doing all night.

“How about you describe them a little?” Josh put in, reasonable, and therefore slightly less wasted than everyone else. “Hair color? Height? Eyes? Something?”

“Nay, I must not speak thusly!” Markus declared, back of his hand over his forehead and everything. “For if I were to tread down that forbidden road, I would surely not be able to stop myself from breaking our sacred oath of secrecy!”

“Oh my goOOOOOOOd I hate this fucking oaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaath,” North threw her head back and cried to heavens, which, considering her positon, was probably going to be hell on her neck come morning. “Come on! Break your oath! Be like Thor and wield oathbreaker goddamnit!”

“You might be thinking of Stormbreaker,” Connor added, the need to try and reason with alcoholics apparently embedded in his programming.

North narrowed her eyes at him, or rather his torso, since her chin was very resolutely still resting on the table. “If you think I’m thinking right now then you are drunker than I am.”

Connor lifted his barely touched glass to her in a toast because how dare she be lucid enough to clap back so quickly. A well deserved rebuttal fucking cheers.

“Glasses!” Josh exclaimed, snapping his fingers. “Do they wear glasses? That should narrow down some people.”

“That’s right! That’ll tell us if they’re an android or not. Androids don’t wear glasses! Our eyes are like...fucking...better and shit!”

“Unless….” Simon narrowed his eyes, pausing dramatically. “....they do.”

North gasped. Josh put his hands on either side of face, muttering; “holy fucking shit he’s right.”

Markus scoffed. “Their eyes do not hide behind paltry spectacles! His beautiful orbs, so soft and caring when his gaze lands upon my person, seeing into my very soul, are the warmest chocolate brown!”

‘Ah shit here we go,’ Connor thought, wishing not for the first time that he could just down his drink and join everyone else in blissful, idiotic cavorting. The soft, melodic piano and crooning words of All My Life playing over the speaker stayed his hand. Best not take any chances

“HE!” Simon burst out, tipping over in his chair. “He say he! Them is He!”

“Are we talkin’ Hershey’s or Dove?”

“Ghirardelli you fucking plebs!”

“Oi!” North banged her hand on the table so hard it left a handprint indented in the wood. It was one amongst many however, and not all of them left by their party. Such was the price for serving android drinks at a human bar - you either shelled out for sturdier furniture or the dents and chips became a charming aspect of your décor. “Don’t get spicy with us Sir Lancelot!”

“Apologies fair maiden,” Markus responded easily. He took her hand delicately and made a sweeping bow over it. “Alas, my passions got away from me.” He dropped her hand and whirled around, coat billowing with the movement and most assuredly by accident, placing both hands to his thirium pump. “Conjuring up the magnificent images that is the love of my life oft times sends my emotions into a tizzy! His hair; cloud like in my grasp as I run my fingers threw earthen chestnut tendrils - ”

‘Hhhhhhhhhhhhn so many adjectives Markus whyyyyyyyyyy,’ Connor wheezed internally. He didn’t bother trying to keep down his blush. Markus was nowhere near done laying on the compliments and he’d be subjecting himself to an endless loop of canceling the process. Besides, he could just blame it on the alcohol. Blame it on the a a a a a alcohol - wait no. What!? WHAT. Connor looked down at his drink and saw, to his mounting horror, that the glass was emptier than it had been a few minutes ago. Goddamn his automated rest mode cycle for transforming into fidgeting whenever he was nervous! He resolutely pushed the glass out of his immediate reach.

Nines, who was quietly sitting next to him, hunched over and taking notes on his own napkin, snapped his head up to attention when the glass brushed against his arm. His younger brother was looking from Connor to Markus, eyes narrowed suspiciously as Markus carried on. Connor didn’t like that look at all. It was always a risk inviting Nines to their little outings, the only thing Connor could bank on was Nines passing out - as his dear little bro was a notorious light weight - before his deductive skills could pierce through his drunken haze. Apparently Nines had chosen tonight of all nights, where Markus had never been more obvious about their relationship, to bloody pace himself.

If he could, Connor would be sweating bullets.

“ - a wit SO SHARP!!” Markus declared, foot now planted on his chair and shaking his fist to the ceiling as if it had insulted one of Carl’s paintings, “that neither an UNDEAD HOARD nor a POLITICIAN’S EGO could survive it’s precision strike!!”

“Brown hair, brown eyes, banger body, smarty pants, good at analyzing shit, likes animals” North listed off, holding a hand up and ticking a finger down. “Well that rules out all the Jerrys; they’re all redheads and they’re pretty aggressive about it - except for Jerry #86. Is your man-squeeze Jerry #86?”

“No no no last I heard Jerry #86 is dating Hatsume Miku’s bodyguard; Android Lucy Lawless.” said Simon.

“Tch. Lucky,” pouted North.

“Oh wow, she really kept that name huh?” Josh said, voice faint with wonder and disbelief. “That’s such a mouthful.”

“And who are you to question a Queen!?” snapped North.

“Huzzah and many blessings to the fortuitous couple!” Markus cheered, toasting a stein of frothy blue intoxication that looked as cartoonish as it did poisonous to the sky, knocking it back in several impressive gulps and slamming it back on the table. “BUT NEITHER OF THEM CAN COMPARE TO THE BEAUTY AND GRACE THAT IS MY LOVE!!” he boomed, louder and more British by the second. “WHO’S CURIOSITY AND INTELLECT A CHERISHED BOON TO I, BUT A WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION TO HIS ENEMIES - !”

North slapped her hand on the table several times, the proverbial light bulb lighting up in her eyes - oh. No not proverbial. There was currently little lightbulb emojis pictured in her pupils. Yet another drunken download added to the bill. Connor was glad he’d drawn the long straw on ‘irresponsible buying duty’ tonight. No doubt there would be a lot of strange receipts to sort through in the morning. “Oh! I know I know! It’s Josh!”

So startled by this declaration/accusation, Josh jumped in his seat. “What!?”

“Brown hair, brown eyes, hot, obnoxious, smart - everything FITS!”

“...he didn’t say obnoxious,” Josh muttered, then physically shook sanity back into himself. “It can’t be me. I think I’d know if I was dating Markus!”

Simon leaned in closer towards Josh, arm on the table, determination in his mien. “But what if…” Without breaking eye contact with his friend, he smoothly cracked open his Thirium berry blast bahama mama banana punch wine cooler, and proceeded to pour it just two centimeters off from his glass, all over the table. “You don’t know.”

Josh was shook in the face of this evidence. North narrowed her eyes so hard that they were just closed at this point. “Highly suspicious.”

“No. Nooooo. No? No! Of course I’m not. Right Markus?”

Markus steepled his fingers together and cackled in a way that most people would find concerning, but Connor just found it adorable. He would saving that in his memory banks. “I’ll never tell~,” he sing songed.

“H i g h l y s u s p i c i o u s.”

“I know who it is,” Nines suddenly said, calm but with such confidence that he was easily heard amidst the ruckus. He had his elbows planted on the table, chin resting upon his entwined fingers. Steele grey eyes swept over the now quiet group, everyone waiting with baited breath.

“Grant us your wisdom ‘o soothsayer,” Markus whispered, eyes wide with anticipation and literally perched on the edge of his seat. Connor seriously measured the pros and cons of just throwing his portion of the tab on the table and yeeting himself out of the window.

“It’s Sixty.”

Immediately the room erupted into scoffs and hisses of disbelief. North gave him a thumbs down and cupped her hand to her mouth, letting a long, “Booooo!”

“Why are you booing me I’m right!”

“BoooOOooOOOOOoooooo!” Markus, Josh and Simon joined in.

Connor blinked, and suddenly felt all of his concerns about Nines’ being the lynch pin in solving this mystery evaporate. If Markus transformed into a C grade Shakespeare impersonator when drunk, and Connor subconsciously wanted to be recruited by America’s Got Talent, then Nines became a consummate dumbass.

“That’s it!” North exploded. “Ten dollars says it’s Jerry #92! I caught him in a wig once!” She stood up, her chair sliding back from the force, and slammed a note on the table.

Simon also stood up with equal intensity. “Twenty says it’s Josh!” He reached into his pocket and slammed its contents onto the table. When he removed his hand six lego pieces, a My Little Pony leg, and two actual diamonds were revealed. Connor hoped dearly that the bartender cut Simon off soon.

“It’s not me!” Josh said exasperated. He paused, then pointedly pulled out some money and threw it in the pot as well. “I put forty on Brenden.”

“Bull! Shit!” North declared. “Fitness guru Brenden!? No way!”

“He fits the criteria.”

“I doubt ‘How To Tell If An Android Has Welded on Parts from China vs Russia in their Selfies’ videos on his YouTube channel is the kind analysis Markus was talking about.”

“You don’t know that! He didn’t specify...”

As the two continued to argue, with Simon chiming in with some non sequitur, and Nines tutting about these ‘ignorant fools and their blindness to the evidence presented’, Connor looked over to Markus. He was quiet. He had his elbow perched precariously on the edge of the table, his cheek resting on his fist, a small hat (that was not there literally two minutes ago) was on his head, folded from one of the bar napkins.

And he was looking at Connor as if he hung the moon and stars.

‘How could the world not already know,’ Connor thought, soft and warm inside, happy merely to be in his line of sight, ‘When he looks at me like that?’

Connor picked up his glass and lifted it. “One hundred dollars on Sixty.”

Chaos erupted. Nines threw his arms up and hooted like he’d won the super bowl. Josh tried to explain to him how that was mathematically impossible. North shook her head and warned him that he would live on the streets with an answer like that. Simon pulled out a Yu-Gi-Oh! Card and said he would give him this Charizard if he agreed with him that Josh was Markus’ secret boyfriend. Connor withheld himself from trying to convince drunk people that this was not how betting worked.

Maybe Connor shouldn’t worry so much about their relationship being discovered after all. At this rate, no one would know about he and Markus being together until the wedding invites.

[pocketfulofrogers]

Planes, Trains, and Firetrucks

Pairing: Kelly Severide x Reader

Summary: What’s a polar vortex to a desperate sister trying to get home? With a little determination and the luck of a stranger, you might just be able to pull off a Christmas miracle. 

Notes: So I got drunk with my aunt and uncle on Thanksgiving and watched the only Thanksgiving movie to both exist and be quoted in it’s entirety by my whole family. I woke up with a google note that said ‘Planes, Trains, and Automobiles but make it a love story.’ Kinda wished I had payed more attention to the movie now. 

Pinching the bridge of your nose, you try to reign in your frustration. You had been all over this airport for the last six hours desperately searching for any way to get home. So far, you had only been strung along.

“Is there anything to Chicago at all? I’m just trying to be back for even a portion of Christmas. Seriously, at this point I’d saddle up a horse.”

The woman scrunches her nose as she scrolls through her computer, a sense of defeat looming over you until she smiles quickly. “I found a 5am to Detroit that connects…” She trails off and begins to frown again. “Just canceled.”

“Seriously?!” The word explodes from your mouth unwarranted and much louder than intended and your hand flies to your mouth in embarrassment.

Before you can begin to apologize profusely, you hear the man behind you mumble under his breath. “Probably because of the giant winter storm and white out conditions covering the entire North East.”

You whip your head behind to glare at him, but he’s too focused on his phone to even notice that you had overhead him. Defeated, you turn back around and quietly apologize before grabbing your phone and sulking away, the guy behind you chuckling slightly.

Mom: Your sister just got here, she’s so excited to see you!

Barely managing to suppress your groan, you lean against a nearby pillar to type a response that hopefully won’t break anyone’s hearts.

The man pockets his phone and approaches the counter. “Hi, can I get a hotel voucher?”

“We’re prioritizing vouchers for flying families and couples first.” She smiles.

“Really?” He groans, loud enough to grab your attention and hears your chuckle from what he assumes you think is karmic justice. But when he locks eyes with you, he gets an idea. “That is so kind of you guys!” He exclaims with a smile. “My wife will love that.”

In the middle of trying to explain to your mom that you couldn’t have left any early, chuckles steps up in front of you with a grin, holding up a pamphlet and you narrow your eyes. “Be my wife for a night, cow girl?”

You roll your eyes and walk away from his laughter and fake apologies, not stopping until he calls your name. “This?” You gesture between the two of you. “This is creepy.”

He holds up his hands before sliding the voucher in his dark jean jacket pocket. “They wouldn’t give me the voucher unless I put another name down so I just said you were my wife.” He shrugs his shoulder as if he can’t see the problem. “Now I can’t check in unless you’re there.”

You grab your bag and start walking again. “Not my problem.”

To your dismay, he keeps up with you. “We’ve been running around this place all day, so you have got to be at least a little tired.” You really were. “I let you use my charger.” He did do that, but it doesn’t seem to him that his small act of airport kindness has swayed you. “How about we get some sleep and then I promise I will help get you to Chicago?”

This causes you to pause again and look him up and down, almost hating yourself for even considering it. Those piercing blue eyes didn’t seem to hold any malice, nor did his small smile. He was charming, that much was obvious, but so was Ted Bundy.

You cock a hip to the side. “You could be a serial killer.”

The smirk he flashes makes you a little weak. “So could you.”

“Fine, but we’re stopping for pepper spray.”

**

Each time Kelly closes his eyes and feels his exhaustion begin to pull him under, he hears you curse under your breath. You had been obsessively scouring the internet looking for a hail mary, but each time you hit a wall.

He had given up somewhere between the last car dealership left in a 100-mile radius to endure your guilt trip and the proposition of hitch hiking. Honestly, he was more concerned than surprised when you seemed disappointed at him shooting down the idea.

Despite this budding friendship, you had offered no details of yourself, even when asked. You made another serial killer joke when he asked you why it was so important you get home, but he didn’t miss how guarded you became.

The next time you groan is when he also gives up the idea of any form of rest. Kelly sits up quick enough to see you throw yourself back into the creaky swivel chair.

“Is there a battery pack on you or something?” His voice is gravely, thick with exhaustion and just a hint of frustration.

You wince. “I know, I’m sorry. I just can’t believe that there’s not a single taxi or rental car available.”

“You could just buy a car.” He suggests it as an outlandish joke, but then your eyes light up.

“You’re a genius!”

**

Standing out in the middle of an alleyway, snow coating your hair, you can’t say your not a little nervous. Kelly is stood beside you despite very loudly voicing his opinion on how this was a terrible idea. Actually, that it was maybe the worst idea you’ve ever had.

“If anyone is going to be a serial killer, it’s going to be this guy.” He mumbles another remark, shifting his eyes to check your surroundings again.

You shoot a glare at him, but have to admit he’s probably right.

There wasn’t much in your bank account to spare, especially when you consider the price of a decent car. Craigslist offered one result in your price range within reasonable walking distance and you didn’t really stop to think it out.

Now you were in a barely lit backstreet leaking a smell you’d rather not name.

“You didn’t have to come.” You state, again.

He scoffs. “With your lack of self-preservation and this piece of shit that won’t make it out of the state? I won’t be responsible for you ending up on a milk carton.”

You want to comment that that’s not a thing anymore, but he had stuck by you for the last few hours and that’s more than you can usually expect from a stranger. “Aw, you care.” You reply instead.

**

It smells, terribly, but if you roll the windows down enough, you can hardly even notice. Wearing enough layers to not fell the cold is another story. You had expected Kelly to bail on you, insisting you wouldn’t blame him for running back to the warm comfort of clean sheets that weren’t his own, but again he shook his head.

He slept for the first six hours, grateful that you seemed to be a decent driver, but you tossed and turned in the back for about four before you climb back up front and ask to take over. There was only a little bit of gloating each time you passed through a city and grinned an ‘I told you so’ at him.

He doesn’t tell you, but he finds your giddiness contagious.

You don’t notice, but he keeps watching you whenever you’re not paying attention- intrigued by the woman who is actively going to hell and back just to get home. Matt told him he was insane, but there was something about you that he just couldn’t let go of.

He had watched you give up one of the only plane tickets left to a younger woman. Feeling touched as she cried in your arms. When you bought lunch for an unaccompanied minor and let her use up the entire battery life of your phone to watch a few movies, he knew he had to at least talk to you.

The only opener he had was a charger and it seemed to have been enough to get your trust.

“You know,” He starts, pulling his jacket tighter around him, hoping the rising sun would bring some form of warmth soon. He wasn’t hopeful. “I think I’ve earned a few questions.”

You glance at him and raise a brow. “Fine.”

“Are you always like this?”

“I’m sorry, what?” Your surprise makes you laugh.

“Prickly.” He clarifies.

“I’m not prickly, I’m stressed.” You defend yourself. “How are you not? Aren’t you trying to get home too, to see your family?”

He shrugs. “It’s out of my control, and the only family I have are people I get to see pretty regularly.” He smiles at you. “Guess I’m pretty lucky.”

“Well, it seems I’m definitely not.”

As if on cue, there’s a loud pop from the front of the car and it begins to sputter and smoke. Kelly is quick to calm you down and ease you into pulling off the road in the most soothing voice you think you may have ever heard.

**

Sitting on the side of the road, you only pick up your head from your knees when you hear a loud sigh and the hood slam shut. Kelly wipes the dark grease on his pants and gives you a solemn look.

“It’s toast.”

You let your head fall back onto your knees, not paying much attention to the encouraging words he tries to use to raise your spirits or the almost comforting hand on your shoulder, not even when they both disappear.

It isn’t until he’s grabbing the bags from the worst impulse buy of your life that you decide to check back in. “What are you doing?”

He points back to a semi-truck stopped not far behind with a smirk. “I told you I’m lucky.”

**

Your elbow bumps the trucker again and you pull you arms in closer to your body, try to scoot further away while being mindful of Kelly pressed close to you on your other side. Why you agreed to sit in the middle, you’ll only understand once you figured out why you agreed to this in the first place.

The man seemed nice enough, but it was two hours to the next city and you hadn’t slept in 36 hours.

“I don’t know what we’re going to do when we get there. Maybe find some wifi and look for our next ride?”

Kelly purses his lips. “How about we take an hour?”

“What are we supposed to in Dyersville on Christmas day?”

There’s a sparkle in his eyes when he smiles and shrugs his shoulders.

**

“Alright. This was a good idea.” You mumble around a mouthful of the burger you were trying to not inhale.

Somehow, Kelly had managed to convince a food truck to kick out one more order before packing up to get home. The smell hit you just as your hunger did and it didn’t take long for you to start stuffing your face.

He picks up his drink beside him on the bench and nods. “We needed this.”

“So bad.” You gush. You look around and finally feel like you can breathe again. “Maybe my luck’s turning. It’s a beautiful day, we’re so close, and this just might be the best burger I’ve ever had.”

He starts to laugh, but stops suddenly when he looks past your head. Before he can even react, the man he had been eying grabs your purse and takes off, Kelly quick on his heels. You yell after him, almost taking off too, but then his feet catch a patch of ice.

He goes down, hard and you rush to his side.

“Kelly? Kelly are you okay?” He’s touched by your concern, but he doesn’t have the breath in his lungs to convey it.

“Fine.” He grunts out.

“You folks alright?” A man with peppered hair and a thick grey mustache approaches behind you in a white button up. “We were just fixing our lights outside when we saw what happened. We’ve got two EMTs grabbing their bags if you’ll just stay where you are, son.”

Kelly waves him off, calling him chief, and tries to sit up. “Guy got her bag.”

You shush him and quickly help him up. “There’s nothing in there that can’t be replaced.” You assure him.

“Holy shit, is that Kelly Severide?” A woman calls out from across the street before jogging over. “Can’t wait to let the boys know that the great Lieutenant got played by a kid.”

Kelly chuckles at your confusion as he wipes his dirt covered hands on his jeans. “Gomez, nice to see you again.”

“You know each other?” You ask.

Gomez nods. “Lieutenant Severide here held a rope rescue training, whipped us all into shape. What brings you back here?”

Kelly sighs, adding a voice to the very rough time the last 20 hours had been. “Got snowed in just outside of Seattle. This one,” He points over to you and raises a brow. “Just had to get home and dragged me on and insane trip.”

Your jaw drops. “Dragged? You definitely refused to leave.”

“Only because I whole heartedly believed you’d get yourself killed.” He winks at you and you can’t suppress your smile.    

The chief contemplates for a moment before offering up an old battalion car to get you through the final stretch. Kelly looks to you, smile beaming and makes another comment about his impeccable luck.

**

“So, you’re a firefighter.” You begin when the silence becomes a little too thick. “Is that why you were in Washington?”

Kelly nods. “Small city fire departments don’t have the resources we do. I try to go to a few a year to teach them how to use the stuff they have for difficult rescues.”

“Wow…” You trail off.

“You can’t ask me that question and not answer it for yourself.”

Rolling your eyes, you have to agree. “I was there for an interview. Some doctors there created a revolutionary treatment, and I was able to witness one of the surgeries.”

“Must be important for you to give up your Christmas Eve.”

You shrug. “My sister got really sick a few years ago. She’s okay now, but we weren’t able to see her for a really long time. Doctors saved her life and this could save someone else’s. It’s important information.”

“That’s why you wanted to get back?”

The moment becomes a little too heavy, but you manage a sad smile before you feel compelled to look out the window. “It’s her first Christmas since, it’ll be the first time I’ve seen her.”

He grabs your hand and your attention after a moment of silence and his stare is intense. “We’ll be there soon.” He assures you.

**

12 hours into shift and Matt Casey is as bored as he’s ever been on a Christmas. No calls, no Christmas spirit, and most importantly Christmas dinner was a bust. So, when Severide open his office door, covered in dirt and oil and grime, he was intrigued at least.

“You look like hell.”

Kelly rolls his eyes. “I need to borrow your truck to take Y/N home.”

Casey’s eyes widen. “She’s here?”

Kelly isn’t sure why he seems so excited until he hears him grab almost the entire firehouse to lead them to the floor. To you. Despite his protests, Gabby is positively thrilled. You however, surprisingly, are not overwhelmed by all the greetings and hugs. The environment is so warm and welcoming that you can’t help but slide right into conversations.

“She is gorgeous.” Gabby tries to keep it to a whisper. “Your texts do not do her justice.”

Kelly nods, well aware that just a few words typed while you were focused on the road could never be enough to describe how incredible he believed you to be.

“This isn’t it, right? You’ve got to see her again.” Joe butts his head between Kelly and Gabby. “We already like her.”

**

The drive to your house is quiet, somber. Not a single sound besides tires crunching through packed snow. There’re so many questions you have unanswered based solely on the fact that you don’t know how to ask them. Staring out into the night sky to watch the snow fall is no longer enough to comfort you.

It isn’t until he pulls up and puts the truck in park that you start to feel the pit in your stomach become overwhelming. You’re worried you’ll never see him again. Worried that the past day will be the final one and that thought is terrifying.

“Stay.” You blurt out.

He’s caught off guard by your request, but still smiles. “My family is back at the station and this is too important for you to be worrying about your parents meeting me.”

Your nod acknowledges that he’s right, but your eyes convey your sadness. “Merry Christmas, Kelly.”

“Merry Christmas, Y/N.”

**

“I cannot believe you just let her go!” Matt walks in on Gabby yelling. “You liked that girl, she invited you in, and you left?!” She’s pacing back and forth in front of a freshly showered Kelly. He looks like a puppy in trouble and Matt’s smart enough to know not to butt in.

“That was not a first impression I wanted to make.” He tries to defend himself.

Gabby turns to Matt, exasperated, and he raises his hands.

As if someone were listening to his silent prayers, Capp comes in to tell Kelly that he had a visitor on the floor. His heart began to race, filling with hope that maybe, just maybe…

He rounds the corner and there you are, dressed up with a delicate smile. For a moment he’s breathless, the only thing he wanted to see. He wants to open with something witty, but you beat him to it when you hand him a tupperware container, stepping close enough that he can smell the light layer of perfume you’re wearing.

“This is to thank you for letting me drag you and your luck all over the northern states.”

He laughs. “I believe it was me that refused to leave.”

“And I probably would’ve made the national news for being missing if you hadn’t.” Your smirk makes his heart skip a beat. “You know milk cartons aren’t a thing anymore, right?”

He laughs. “Well, how am I supposed to thank you for pretending to be my wife?” You laugh until you realize he’s being serious. “How about dinner tomorrow night?”

“I would love that.”

When he leans down slowly and presses his lips to yours, you have to laugh at the cheers that erupt from the background.

[likeawildthing]

Not to be morbid on main, but everyone dies and people are rarely prepared for it. It’s so much easier when you know your loved one’s wishes. So even if you’re a teenager or twenty-three and healthy, I hope this helps you start thinking about end-of-life wishes, because it can happen to us all (both the dying and, rudely, being died upon).

Cremations are an affordable way to subvert the funeral industry, but going this route puts the burden of “the little things” on the family. I’ve learned a lot in the last 36 hours and wanted to pass those things that weren’t on any checklists, because the burden is on you to navigate the process.

Putting this under a cut because it’s so long (although not comprehensive). Obviously some of this is altered because COVID and some is meant to be applicable in some distant, theoretical future when we can go out to lunch again.

Before you die

Think about it, talk about it, write it down

Think about what kind of rememberance you want, if any. If it doesn’t matter, tell people that so they don’t fret about it and grieve in whatever way works best for them.

Communicate now to save your family and friends angst later.

Build an “in case of death” binder, zip drive, google doc with links, etc. Make sure your passwords are up to date so that’s not an administrative nightmare for your loved ones.

Advanced directives. Here’s a great article explaining the types of medical advanced directives and decisions to make before an accident or illness happens, including whether you want to donate your organs.

We lost grandma for about twenty minutes yesteday because we couldn’t find the paperwork and grandpa couldn’t remember where they signed up for services. Death. Binder. Have a death binder/folder/zip drive so no one loses grandma.

Insurance. 

You likely have insurance through work, so consider that. It will also expire if you leave your job.

You can usually get, with minimal fuss, a 10- or 20-year term policy with enough to cover your arrangements and debts for less than $20 a month. Death expenses are anywhere from $5-$20k, conservatively. 

Talk to your auto insurance agent and score a multi-line discount.

Body snatchers. 

If you want to be cremated, talk to a local crematory beforehand and give them your basic information. It can be paid out of your estate (i.e. by your family or a life insurance policy) when it happens. 

Most funeral homes (I believe) require pre-payment. It’s super morbid but there are TONS of heavily discounted grave sites for sale on Craigslist if that’s the route you want to go. 

Here’s a list of certified green burial sites in the US.

Donating your body to science 101.

Memorial service. 

The idea of a “proper” funeral is more or less out the window, especially in the time of COVID. Celebration of life? Religious ceremony (or not)? A picnic at your favorite park? Anything goes, so figure it out now. 

When my sister-in-law died, we had a celebration of life at a non-profit who donated the space and had a poker tournament with her ash tin (she lost). 

Whether you have strong or no preferences, write that down to guide decision-making. 

Memorials. 

Traditionally people would donate money in the event of a death to a charity, foundation, or family account, or flowers to a funeral home or church.

 Family accounts (like for children) are traditionally done in care of the deceased’s bank but online fundraisers are a thing. 

If you have a particular charity you love, add this to your list of wishes.

Food. 

Before COVID it was pretty typical for there to be some kind of meal after a funeral. Will this be a restaurant? 

This is ultimately up to the family but if you have strong preferences (i.e. no church or Italian food), tell people now.

Obituary. 

Writing down the basic facts of your life, hobbies, and accomplishments you want included in your obituary means your family doesn’t have to do a guessing game. 

Plants, animals, stuff, etc.

Do you want your clothes to go to a specific charity? 

Do you NOT want your stuff to go to a specific charity? (Goodwill is terrible!)

Who will get your car (person, donate, sell)? Want to have your record collection to go one sister? Obviously family will divvy up stuff how they like, but write down any special considerations.

Have a plan for your pets (insurance, vet info, guardianship).

Please organize and digitize your photos if they aren’t already.

If you lose someone close:

Identify the primary griever

Support that person/those people by providing feedback when solicited, running errands as needed, and running interference so they aren’t inundated with all the little things.

Notifying people

Use the phone tree method. Great Aunt M will be happy to help by calling your cousins. Your boss, coworkers and HR. Your mom’s best friend/your adoptive aunt, your mom’s bunco group. 

Ask that family not put anything on social media until the principal people are informed. I found out my grandpa died on facebook!

Esp these days, set boundaries for visits (who, where, and in what capacity).

Designate one person to be the primary contact for extended family to keep the burden off the primary griever(s). 

Give this persons’ information when the first phone calls are made. It also makes sense for this person to be the travel coordinator. 

This person should have a good handle on family dynamics (i.e. my aunt is flying in and would drive my grandma nuts so she’s staying with Mom). 

This should be their only task because it’s time consuming.

Food

When people die, people gather, even in the time of COVID. Be responsible but expect a ton of drop by food. Clean out the primary griever’s fridge in anticipaton.

Organization

Start a shared family Google doc or sheet. Consolidate to do lists, anecdotes, important contact information, questions and inquiries, etc. 

Pay to have the houses of anyone hosting (gatherings, people coming in from out of town, etc.) cleaned. Or, delegate. This can be an act of service for someone who wants to help and doesn’t mind doing the work. 

Find the death binder (hopefully), legal documentation, etc. Get a folder or binder for papers if one doesn’t exist. And start a shared google doc for loved ones to track everything.

Delegate

I know I have said this three times, but it’s important. If you’re a primary decision maker do not be the primary do-er. My mom is the primary decision maker so my sisters and I are doing literally everything else. 

Say YES when people ask if they can help you. Look at your running list of to-dos and say yes.

Pay to have the houses of people who are hosting cleaned. It will seriously be such a life saver, or this can be an act of service for someone who wants to help.

Social media

You will need to decide what to do with a person’s social media. Do you start a tribute page? Turn their facebook (if they’re old) into a tribute page for a time? Indefinitely? Things to think about. 

Thank yous

Keep a running list of people to thank after via hand-written thank you notes. The link includes guidelines on 

who should receive a thank you note (gave flowers, brought food, made donations, helped with arrangements or the service(s), did readings, or went well out of their way to warm your heart or show up)

when to send them (ideally 2-3 weeks after the funeral)

here’s how to write them (it doesn’t matter if you buy fancy, ones or dollar store ones, make sure they’re hand written).

Receipts. 

Don’t be the petty biatch your cousins hate, but do save significant receipts to be reimbursed by the estate. (I.e. catering hundreds of dollars of food, paying $250 for programs and thank-you cards like I just did, etc.)

Service.

You will have a million decisions to make including

what kind of service to hold, if any

where to hold it

costs

hymns, readings, and anecdotes to share

who will be pall bearers, readers, vocalists, and give eulogies

Crematories handle cremation only, not the service details. 

you will need photo boards (Hobby Lobby has nice black foamcore ones) or a powerpoint (and a way to display it depending on the venue)

a guest or memorial book

a card basket,

memorial cards, possibly programs, and thank you cards 

Officiants, musicians, religious institutions, etc. all need to be paid (and tipped) for their time.

If we ever wrangle this pandemic, donating funeral flowers to a nursing homes is a fantastic way to brighten residents’ days. 

Obituary.

Obituaries are expected, but traditionally costly ($200-$800). As part of the publishing fee, most newspapers keep the obituary on legacy.com indefinitely.

A funeral home will assist you with this, but the burden will be on you and your loved ones if using other methods. 

These take hours to write and many hands does not make light work. Keep it to 2-4 key people. Having the facts laid out will help, and so will looking at other obituaries. I read a great tip which was to write about your loved one in present tense first, then change the tense before submission. 

Newspapers will update your spelling and grammar but that’s about it. Cheaper alternatives: 

Death notice which gives age, date and location of death, and who is handling funeral arrangements. Our crematory put in the death notice for us because they had her body, but the requirements on this likely vary state-to-state. 

Here is a place to put a free online obituary.

Plants, animals, stuff, etc. 

Save the plants and pets. 

Household misc. are usually not dictated by the will, except in special circumstances or contested items. Closest members will go through possessions first. Voice early if you want something in particular, but understand that you may not get it. That’s ok. 

Going through someone’s life is an overwhelming process. You may be repulsed and sad and overwhelmed and amused, all at the same time.  

In deciding what to keep, as I’ve now cleared out three houses, I’ve found that quality over quantity is the way to go. The sweet spot? 1-2 sentimental + useful things. My great grandmother’s thimble and juicer? Use them all the time, and I remember her lemonade. 

It’s okay to throw away some keepsakes and let things get thrown out or donated, depending on the thing. 

Don’t give into guilt if you don’t want the china your Aunt Karen is pressuring you into taking when she doesn’t want it either.

Legal stuff. 

If someone dies, there will be all kinds of legal things you will need to do (bank accounts, utilities, debtors, education, etc.), investments or 401k, etc. 

This varies too much by state and circumstance to talk about in depth but there are guides to specifically help you.

If someone you love has lost someone they love

Do not give platitudes or ask if they’re ok

Don’t expect a response from someone grieving

Do send a card! It’s so thoughtful. I keep a stack of blank condolence cards and a set of forever stamps in my closet. It doesn’t have to be a $20 card to be special.

Don’t judge someone by how they grieve

Offer specific, actionable help if you’re close enough to give it

I am going to come over and clean at 10, leave the house unlocked

I’m at the store and am going to buy cheap vodka unless you tell me what kind of wine you want

oops I got you an uber eats gift card in your gmail sorry/not sorry

Buy thank you cards with stamps as a condolence gift, depending on the person and situation

Send a plant instead of a bouquet of flowers

Make a donation in the loved one’s name if you have the funds

If the grieving person is someone super close (best friend, sister, etc.) add the date in your recurring calender so you can check up on them this day next year with a card and/or phone call

[rinharu-purple]

Mr. Love MC’s Choice: Gavin

We fellow producers all have our favorite LI in the game for whom we save our gems and dates, replay their chapters over and over again, sucking our bank accounts dry during the process. And that’s what makes this game so fun! However in my opinion MC’s personal choice is Gavin. I will try to explain it as thoroughly as possible in this post. Obviously they are only my personal opinions at the end of the day so please don’t freak out if you beg to differ ^_^

There are spoilers ahead and this post is a long one, you were warned!

A big, warm hug and grandious thanks to @smallersocksx​ for proof reading so fast and sharing her ideas! <3  </p>

Up until now, I’ve always analyzed ships in subtopics, so this time won’t be any different so I will just dive right into it:

Body Language

The law of attraction between two people in a romantic way has some thumb rules, one of them is that when you like someone then you try to touch them at every opportunity. From all of our LI’s Gavin is by far the one with the most body contact to the MC (The main story only atm, I will come to his dates in a minute ;)). I think the anime speaks for itself, in every single Gavin episode and some of other LI’s episodes (ahem…ep 10 but also ep 11…ahem) Gavin and MC are always in an embrace or a meaningful “hands-on” moment…In the game MC and Gavin are quite often touchy with each other, MC seems to not holding her hands back every time she feels like Gavin’s hurt and reflexively touches him, she is also highly concerned about his hair since every time his hair get messed up by the wind, rain or hormones (swh ;)), MC doesn’t waste any second before correcting his hair. Every reunion they have results in MC reaching out her hands towards Gavin and surprisingly never other way around. Even in a perillious moment in chapter 22 when Gavin goes completely wild and unleashes his “beast-self” the first thing MC wants to do is embrace him. In chapter 24, at the very end among all routes, MC only tells Gavin that she’s missed him and hugs him. Chapter 27...again MC wants to check Gavins body for injuries and tends to them the second they are alone in a closed room. They both yearn for each other’s touch all the way, no matter in which narrative.

If I were to start counting Gavin’s touchy touchy moments on the other hand, then we have to prepare a 4 volumes encyclopedia because that male individual is all about touching MC. Another hint for their closeness is that MC makes notes on Gavin’s scent quite often, mostly related to his jacket or his embrace and while doing it, she always uses adjectives like “clean”, “distinct” or “unique”. Again in ch. 15 she knows its Gavin standing behind her even without looking, because she senses his scent: “A scent that I’d recognize anywhere”. Surely there are many scenes, where MC holds hands with another LI or makes a remark of their scent, but they are not at the intensity or frequency level that of Gavin’s.

       2. The Setting

All four LI’s are representing a certain archetypes women are usually attracted to:

Kiro is a pop idol (target audience 13-15)

Victor is the young successful businessman with a high dominant demeanour and Mr. Grey-ish attitude (target audience 25 upwards or any 50 shades of Grey reader)

Lucien is a young attractive professor with a mysterious and enigmatic vibe (target audience 20-24)

Gavin is the misunderstood bad boy (high school) and later a righteous police officer (16-19 for the bad boy Gavin and 20 upwards for the righteous police officer, special agent, military commander... a pilot?! anything including a uniform fetish)

So, in the game, Elex could take any of these paths and develop it in a way that the chosen path becomes a true love story. I gotta admit, Victor’s story comes at times very close to being one. However, his never-ending bickering and belittling in his 90% of the time cold demeanour just make him lose major points. Plus, MC mostly goes along with Victor’s tone, even though she is a kind and friendly person, she bickers with Victor not because that’s her personality but because that’s the way she can cope with him. If only he were a little bit less domineering.. Which is why I never feel like MC and Victor would belong together irl. 

Seemingly Elex and Mappa take Gavin’s way imo. Because… 

In the main story MC loves all of the LIs in a different way and also has romantic feelings to each one of them to a certain degree, but when we look at it closely and read in between the lines of MC’s thoughts Gavin is a little bit more romantically portrayed than the other guys. 

           a) First of all Gavin had a crush on MC during high school cannonically: Even though Gavin only says that it was a farewell letter, MC says once that she wishes that she could’ve read that “love letter”.  I will stop here with Gavin’s feelings because this post focuses on MC. 

           b) MC, too, was kinda into Gavin during high school because in Episode 18, when she goes to Loveland Hugh during her farewell tour before going with her ultimate sacrifice , she remembers Gavin in intimate things like “watching his athletic body” or “wearing men’s clothes-meaning his-”. Additionally she remembers taking note of his face shining in the sun in the very back of the line during her recital. Even before it all she was specifically interested in him. Her memories with the other LI s are comprised of rather friendly moments like flying kites together but when it comes to Gavin she once again thinks about more intimate elements. Not to mention that the game gives MC a farewell with Gavin. In her final moments she only thinks that for Gavin her grievance would be the hardest. In the End of the Abyss era (ch. 15-18) MC meets all of the LIs after their changes again and reacts to all of them with joy…surely, but only when she sees Gavin hovering above her in the helicopter it is again…drum roll…drama: “The next second I saw a pair of amber eyes…shining like brilliant skies” this girl is always romanticizing Gavin.

“-Can you hear me?

-Can you see me?

-See my heart pounding again at the sight of you?” (so are you saying that your heart wasn’t pounding before? oh ok ;))

Fast forward to CH34 where MC fights Leto for the final time and remembers our guys and again, while she remembers other LIs for their sacrifices and their protection of her, she remembers Gavin's warm arms...

           c)The game takes his time and turns the half of a whole chapter into a date in chapter15 Ep 1-9. There is no other chapter in the game where MC spends time with any of the other LI’s in which there is only the two of them, whereas nothing relevant to the main story happens and they share solely many sweet, romantic and almost hot (when MC tries to dry Gavin’s face in her flat and realizes that she stands way too close to him, she then prepares herself to say something, but gets interrupted by the alarm) and again, MC is getting close to Gavin, not the other way around like Lucien pushing MC against the blackboard, that little sneaky Lucien (actually I could write a post with a masterlist of Lucien’s advances to MC:D).

           d) MC’s premonitions revolve mostly around Gavin (when they are not about the whole world or the black queen). Her dream about the rooftop rescue, her Room 404 dream, her daydream in the office in 6-13 in which Gavin’s suffering and from which she wakes up crying out his name leading to Willow, Kiki and Anna remark on playfully how unfair it is to dream about Gavin and disregarding the other guys. She also sees his future in episode 15 twice! If I am not mistaken, she only sees Victor’s future once in her dream and a vague vision of him in ch 18 but other than that she has no premonitions about Lucien or Kiro. Besides in the anime MC uses her power unintentionally yet instinctively twice while having Gavin in mind in episodes 5 and 8. The third time, she uses her powers in this way is in episode 11 with Victor but he is not her driving force for this but she is driven by the imminent danger they both are in and she doesn’t particularly think about Victor at this moment. In the game it additionally happens in chapter 22 when Gavin is cornered by the mechanical arms and is in a tight spot, this sight makes MC have a surge of rage and to unleash her powers in a great magnitude. Gavin is Queen’s soft spot i.e. More importantly Gavin is a constant part of MC’s future frame. She has her visions about other LI’s past but when it comes to Gavin it’s only his future. MC doesn’t have visions about Gavin’s past, like, ever. While Kiro, Lucien and Victor are stuck in their pasts with MC, Gavin has made peace with his past, is living in the present and looking forward the future (one of his best qualities imo, not being stuck in the past). Ironically, it’s MC, who’s stuck in the past in Gavin’s case. 

       e) I will intentionally not delve much into S2 stuff, but one thing has to be in this post…We know that in S2 MC goes back in time and relives the last 17 years. During these 17 years she makes sure to spend her high school years close to Gavin. So given the chance to rewrite her past, she would choose to make good for the lost years that she regretted dearly in S1 (she gushes out about her regrets in S2 Late Autumn Date in detail). We are yet to find out more about the nature of their relationship during high school, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they had a “will they, won’t they” situation. Since the game wouldn’t put any of the guys in an ex-boyfriend role, that would be the most romantic frame possible.

        3.  How other people see Gavin x MC

f) In CH 36, the one before CH 37, where every LI gets the same intimate moment with MC, only Lucien and Gavin are getting close to kissing her to which MC doesn't show any rejection towards... She is the one accidentally kissing Gavin btw and this is the only time before CH37 that MC either accidentally or willingly kiss any LI on his face or near his lips.

g) In S1, MC only posts two pics with the boys in her moments. One of them is a selfie with Lucien and the second one is with Gavin, hugged from behind. No other LIs ever have a moment with MC. Neither on their accounts, nor on MCs.

It is always a good indicator to look at how other characters perceive a particular ship. For Gavin and MC, it is almost obvious that once they are standing side by side, others see them instantly as a couple. Sure, at the orphanage some children ask Lucien if MC is his girlfriend or that one actress threatens MC to stay away from Victor because he’s hers (btw what happened to her?) With Gavin however, it’s practically a running joke. 

As mentioned above, her once daydream in the office with Gavin shoutout in CH 6-13 drew the attention of her co-workers, leading them to mock her for thinking about him too much even though her dream was rather a nightmare. Besides, Gavin is the one showing up the most in MC’s office and he also lift her up to his shoulders once in the Visiting Hours date and Homer took a pic of that hilarious moment. 

Every time MC is at STF HQ, respectively, Gavin’s co-workers or subordinates too take note of her presence and in chapter 12 they are even caught red-handed by one of the agents as MC is busy “correcting” Gavin’s hair (because see point 1). Eli seems to be aware of the intimacy between the two and even probably assumes that they’ve done the deed, because in ch 12 he is surprised to hear that MC hasn’t seen Gavin’s wound yet. He presumes that she already saw him naked…oh Eli! Season 2 has even more eminent scenes, we just have to wait and see.

In chapter 15 when they deliver Perry to the hospital, they are mistaken to be his parents by the hospital personnel not once but twice! Needless to say, they don’t find it necessary to correct the misunderstanding. I mean Perry is, what, 6…MC 22, Gavin 24 but they automatically think that they must be the parents?! Sure thats common sense- wink wink nudge nudge ¬‿¬ -

In chapter 22 Shaw makes a comment on MC willing to go to where Gavin is  with a “Really, all you do is following him, isn’t it?”. He uses MC to trigger Gavin in Airport date as well.

And of course, there is Minor…The ultimate number one wingman and the most original Gavin-stan! Minor uses everything in his power to bring them together both in the main story and in dates. He even calls her Sis-in-Law in public in CH 35 which MC doesn't reject. This doesn’t even need explanation.

Last but not least:

Their couple chemistry went viral lol.

Visually speaking, when they stand side by side, for me Gavin and MC look the most like a couple (Kiro is too childish and fashion icony compared to MC and Victor is too mature and business attire-ish making him look like her uncle rather than boyfriend, Lucien is the only one besides Gavin who actually suits MC visually). I am not saying that looks are the main indicator btw so don’t lynch me please ^_^

Come to think about it, MCs life is intertwined with that of Gavin's the most. Considering how she knows his father, brother and colleagues and spends so much time in "his world" whether it's at STF or NW. In the main story MC and Gavin have their favorite restaurants (ehm it's never souvenir due to obvious reasons 😉), share the same passion for music, have many common memories from high school and most importantly their world views are very similar. Both are prioritizing others safety over themselves and are compassionate for anyone who is in need. They are both ambitious and hardworking but not to the point of being power driven. Both are humble and finding hapinness in the smallest things. Maybe that's why they say the same things simultaneously or say the things the other would say simultaneously. MC and Gavin are highly compatible and have a harmonious, healthy relationship despite the conspiracy around them.

     4. Anime

Okay okay, listen…Yes, the anime wasn’t the best adaptation and many of us were disappointed by the ending (including me), still, the anime makes a part of canon MLQC universe and no Gavin-stan should complain about the anime because the anime put canonically Gavin on a pedestal. In a total of 12 episodes, all guys had 2 episodes each BUT Gavin was actually blessed with 3 episodes and so many romantic moments to count…let’s count them anyways :)

Mappa introduces all guys in episode 1 so MC encounters them all in the first 25 minutes but she first meets Gavin in episode 2 and the two spend almost the entire time of the episode together, not to mention the extremely romantic first-fly scene in the sunset. As I mentioned in point 1, MC and Gavin are always in physical contact in any given episode. Anime made sure to portray every single interaction they have romantically.

They even went so far to mix Gavin scenes in other guys episodes (he offers her a ride to work in ep 3, she has an emotional moment with him after the first shooting misunderstanding while Lucien is standing right next to her in ep 4, Gavin is the one to catch MC mid-air in ep 10, this episode ends with them in their life and death embrace falling down in dawn… and then he falls on her in ep 11).

When it’s a Gavin episode MC has no romantic scenes with any of the other guys, let alone having any scenes at all. Its only about Gavin in Gavin episodes. Also, the storyline is edited in a way that between MC and Gavin a romantic story develops. Their meet cute conspiracy, their misunderstanding with Lucien, followed by the “drop the senpai” offer and finally that 5 seconds long gaze deeply in the eyes in ep 8 while holding hands.

It is really sad that the anime ruined this development in the final episode but taking into consideration that there might be a second season, they probably chose to make the change in Gavin’s character after the NW project remarkable.

Another point in the anime is  that they kinda exaggerate Gavin’s Evol a little bit. During his stand-off with Lucien Gavin’s bullet cuts through Lucien’s shield and all in ep 8,11 and 12 there is a significant emphasis on the intensity and destructive power of Gavin’s Evol. I mean, whose Evol is the most upfront one in episode 12? We see Lucien using his Evol only twice, both very briefly, Kiro/Helios/Key and Victor even have to use guns to protect themselves and/or MC. Gavin’s shown using a pistole once at the beginning, after that it’s all turbines and tornadoes and just Gavin unleashed. 

I think it’s an exaggeration because in my personal opinion, Lucien is actually the one with the strongest Evol, followed by Victor and then comes Gavin. Lucien’s ability to copy an Evol is simply the strongest trait one could have, sure it comes with the downside that he then doesn’t have enough time and focus to excel in any of those Evols, Victor can literally create black holes are you kidding me?! But because his Evol has its limits it puts him in the second place. But in the anime, Gavin’s Evol is extremely powerful and destructive and they also created some really cool scenes in which Gavin uses his Evol in various styles (accelerating his bullets speed, dodging a bullet, lifting MC in any and every situation, flying- obviously- and sometimes just overpowered destruction).

But in the anime in comparison, Lucien looks like a copy-cat of Evols and Victor like someone who travels through time to find out nothing can change the course of events (on a side note I will never understand why did Mappa toned down Victor so heartlessly, he is a  powerful character and has countless sweet, emotional moments with MC).

        5. Dates

I left dates to the end because they are highly subjective and don’t belong to the main story. NEVERTHELESS, Gavin’s dates include here and there some hints which may indicate that MC tends to like Gavin maybe just a little bit more. I will just add it as bullet points here since I’m pretty sure that the list will be enriched over time.

Slightly drunken date: Shouting out loud in public “Gavin! I’m crazy for you!”

When the Galaxy Falls Date: “...and in that moment, I make an eternal vow in my heart. To give all the blazing love and the most endless warmth to the person in front of me. Standing on my tiptoes, I carry a heart which is filled with courage to move forward, receiving Gavin.”

2 become 1 date “No matter whether the wedding is real or fake I only want to be your bride.”  Here comes the Groom event where MC had a prob wedding with each and every LI but she actually only wanted to be Gavin’s bride (obviously Gavin’s heard her loud and clear since he’s bought a gem/ring right after) and that gem is brought up in…

The Returning from Afar Date - Thank you for silently watching over my mood. Thank you for always returning to my side no matter where you go. The white muslin drifts to and fro. My heart stirs, and I gently touch the muslin in front of me. Sunlight streams in. My fingertips brush the soft white muslin, tracing the word “Gavin” on it. I turn my head to the side, blinking at Gavin a little playfully. “This word - apart from it being your name, it also has another meaning. It’s “courage”. MC getting poetic, but who wouldn’t in that date (thank you @smallersocksx for reminding me and without @cheri-translates we poor Eng-server players would be left in the dark so thank you for translating season 2 for us!!!) but than MC verbally and literally makes her feelings clear in…

Late autumn date (2nd season translation by @cheri-translates) “I close my eyes, holding onto his solid arms. I lift my head to welcome his lips, savouring his unique breath. The person in front of me has shed off the roughness of youth, leaving behind only the purity of youth. He often makes me forget that he once used to be unrestrained like the wind. He has a body that is stronger than everyone else’s, a tough soul, a will that is as firm as steel, and a heart full of tenderness – it is soft beyond compare. 

I cling to his waist tightly using my calves, wanting to brand every part of him into my heart. 

“I want to bear his everything.” 

Gavin: “Do you like it?”

“I like it…I like it very much…I like it so much that I don’t know how to prove how much I like it” “The rest of my life is yours, The years that we’ve missed out on are also yours” (whatever I have, I will give it to you. I will give everything to you, leaving nothing behind)

I rest my case

[purplesurveys]

1244

1. Have you ever seen two movies at the theater in a row? No. I don’t think I have the attention span for that, regardless of how much I enjoyed the movie.

2. If you were to go to Starbucks right this second, what do you think you’d order? Iced Americano and maybeeeeeee a chocolate cheesecake or their barbecue chicken sandwich.

3. Do you own any dice? Yes.

4. Do you like to wear cardigans? I do like them and wish I had more because I think they suit me, but it’s not really a priority either.

5. If I were to ask you nicely, would you please consider making a survey for me and everyone else? I can try but will probably quit halfway through because I’m not super good at coming up with questions that haven’t already been asked.

6. What is the worst thing a child has ever done to you while you were babysitting? None of my cousins ever misbehaved towards me when I had to look after them. The worst thing I saw was a kid punching my sister in the stomach, but he cowered as soon as I came over and begged not to tell on him lmao.

7. If you wear contacts, do they tend to get really dry after only wearing them for just a couple hours? I don’t wear contacts and am generally not a fan of the idea of dropping things in my eye haha.

8. Have you ever watched any British television shows? Like...Mr. Bean? Lol sure, I guess. I don’t watch a lot of it though.

9. Do you own a nightgown? No. I don’t see it as a necessity.

10. If you could get any pet right now, what would you? I’m more than ok with my two dogs.

11. Have you played Grand Theft Auto: IV? If so, what do you think of it? Yeah I’ve played every game in the series. I don’t have too many memories of GTA IV though...my favorites were mainly San Andreas and GTA V.

12. How often does your internet disconnect? With our old connection it probably went out once or twice...a year maybe? It definitely didn’t run into a lot of issues. But we recently switched our service to one that’s able to provide a much quicker connection, but it’s been a bit of a compromise because it has issues a bit more often than the one we used to have; it goes out for a few hours several times in a week, which can be a hassle for my work from home setup.

13. Have you ever actually been stuffed into a locker? No, our lockers were too small to stuff a person in them.

14. Do you / did you decorate the inside of your locker at school with stuff? I didn’t. We weren’t allowed to.

15. How many teenagers do you know who have babies? I don’t know teenagers with kids now, but I have several classmates from high school who gave birth when they were in that age range.

16. Is there a fan in the room you’re in right now? Yup, mine is always on unless I was purpose wanted to sweat my ass off.

17. Do you believe that chivalry is really dead? No but it should be, as should any sexist institution predicated on the idea that only men are real people. <

18. If you have one, what’s your favorite novel by Chuck Palahniuk? I don’t have any.

19. Do you get your surveys from your subscriptions page or do you actually go to specific sites and search for them? Tumblr, or Bzoink if I can’t find any interesting ones from here.

20. How much is your cell phone bill each month? I use prepaid, so this doesn’t apply to me.

21. And why the heck is Cingular now AT&T? I really don’t care.

22. Have you ever made a house out of a giant cardboard box? It was possible, as a kid.

23. Have you ever made a tent out of sheets in your bedroom? This one, definitely. It was easier to do this hahaha.

24. What’s the coolest thing you’ve made with Legos? I was never creative. I only made towers.

25. When you make a survey, do you answer your own questions? I’ve never made my own survey.

26. If you could keep your parents or trade them for other parents, which would you pick? Ugh this question is so cruel...I would change my mom’s personality, I guess. I don’t know if I’m willing to trade her.

27. Do kiwis make you think of testicles or is it just me? No, I don’t think about kiwis ever.

28. Do you think it’s cool how peroxide gets all fizzy when you put it on a cut? I don’t think about this either.

29. Is there a piggy bank in the room you’re in? No.

30. If I had the power to give you one thing right now, what would it be? A loaded bank account.

31. Do you want to get pregnant right now? Not now, but I do want to be able to have this experience someday.

32. Do you know anyone who doesn’t like the internet? My grandma hates the whole tech thing and has refused to learn anything beyond the landline phone.

33. Do your grandparents know how to operate a cell phone? My late grandpa did and paternal grandparents do. Like I said, only my maternal grandma hasn’t bothered to catch up with gadgets.

34. Have you ever housed a friend for a long period of time because they had no place to live? No, and I’m not sure if this is something my mom would be receptive to. If I had my own place, I would do this for a friend in need in a heartbeat.

35. If you have a favorite comedian, have they ever been in a movie? I don’t have a favorite comedian.

36. How many sets of twins do you know? Three off the top of my head. Two sets from my high school, and the other set were my classmates in an English class I had in college.

37. Has anyone ever made fun of you for using proper grammar? I don’t think so.

38. Do you own any hemp jewelry? Nope.

39. Have you ever cut carpet with a carpet cutter? No, I didn’t even know that that’s an actual thing, so thanks for the new information.

40. Are there any books you want to read? I’m not really eyeing any book. Haven’t for a while now.

41. Is it before of after 3 pm? Before, I guess. It’s 4:03 AM.

42. If you have younger siblings, are you very protective of them? I can be of my sister. I have virtually no relationship with my brother.

43. If you have older siblings, are they very protective of you? I’m the eldest. 44. What are your plans for New Year’s Eve? I don’t plan that far ahead.

45. Would you like a beer? Eugh hate beer no thanks.

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Saturday 16 May 1835

8 40/..

11 35/..

 damp rainy morning and F46 ½° at 9 ½ at which hour breakfast - Had Holt - he set out the drift - to be 200 yards from drift month to gall - then to drive as far as to the end of my land - there will be a run of water got stronger than the present run just got - the drift should be 3/9 per yard but worthwhile to give these men 3d a yard more than a less sober set, so will give them 4/. a yard - quite out of all reason to want 4/6 per yard - the drift to go all the way in the drift-band i.e. 36 yards band - Mr Rawson now getting my upper bed - can be after him from Walker pit in a few weeks - to begin working shifts on Monday - 1st shift from 4am to 12 at noon 2nd shift from 12 to 8 pm - Ruthin (the gin horse) does very well - will be able to do all the pulling if I send the pony to pull for 2 or 3 hours - viz. from 11 am to 2 pm to give the horse time to have a little corn and an hour’s grass - Samuel Holdsworth about agreeing for Keighley’s share of Spiggs colliery - H- to article for Mrs Machan’s coal as soon as he can - told him to come once a week whether wanted or not - promised to come every Friday morning - then had Washington till 11 1/4 - paid him Richard Woodhead’s bill for railing in Little field and in front of the house - till 12 ¼ looking over Shalford on the real property acts - I fear I have no right to stop the Spiggs loose - then wrote as follows to ‘Mr Marshall Thompson Hotel Cavendish London postpaid’ sent this evening by George ‘To C.M. At Marshall Thompson’s hotel. Miss Lister wishes to know if CM would like to wait upon 2 ladies and what wages she asks, and to whom she refers for a character. Saturday 16 May 1835. Shibden Hall near Halifax Yorkshire’ - out at 1 10 no had Joseph Mann till 2 paid him in full for Walker pit drift - out about 2 ¼ with A- on her pony - walked with her (on her way to Cliff Hill) as far as Pump - there turned up the lane to the top of the hill and down the fields by Walker pit to Bairstow - Robert and his man not there - but all the stones walked up tho’ not much walling done - then by Whiskam cottage down the old bank to Mr Parker’s office - Grieves must be ejected and cannot be got rid of till September - cannot be made to pay any rent for the house from may day to September - can only cover costs and 40/. damages against him - said I felt sure of getting Northgate licensed and therefore would not purchase any public house in Halifax - asked him if he knew of a gamekeeper and a Sunday school mistress - likely enough to provide both went - to Whitley’s and put down A-‘s name as a subscriber to Horner’s views of old houses etc in the neighbourhood -

SH:7/ML/E/18/0036

recollected I had not mentioned the Spiggs loose to Mr P- went back - Mr P- out wrote down memoranda of the case, and left message with Walsh in the office - met Mr P- in returning and asked to come to Shibden on Tuesday morning - then went to Whitley’s again - stood looking over the Halifax Guardian newspaper - Mr P- came breathless to say Sutcliffe Miss Wordsworth’s schoolmaster was at his Mr. P-‘s office and knew of a schoolmistress - if I would go down Sutcliffe would wait - just took my maclean watch to Russell’s and got one of the hands re-put on and then to Mr Parker’s office - saw Sutcliffe - a respectable looking man - taken with the account of the schoolmistress to come over if still disengaged on Tuesday on Wednesday to Shibden Hall - Mr P- advised my stopping the Spiggs loose goit, and running the risk of an action - said he would not often rash but ventured this time to give the advice he did - returned up the old bank and home at 5 5 - stood talking to Charles H- and then John till A- came at 5 ¼ - walked a little within the garden - she much pleased to hear what had passed - I out with one or other till 6 10 - dinner at 6 20  coffee - a little while with my father and Marian - then sat with A- upstairs - she knitting blanket for my aunt I reading yesterday’s London paper then that of tonight and then till 10 wrote all but the first 18 lines of today - kind letter tonight from Lady V- Richmond Park - 3pp. and ends and a line under the seal and 2 or 3 lines on the top of p.1 pretty well now, but had a relapse in the [?] 4th week for which she suffered a good deal in the nursing way - the baby grows fat and fast - great rejoicings in the Highlands over the birth of an heir - mentions the death of old Coll on the 10th of last month – ‘he gradually slipped away without any pain or suffering  I almost expected that there would have been a gleam of reason before life was extinguished, but it does not appear that he even spoke - Hugh’s affairs I believe are in a most desperate condition - before this event, he had made up his mind to leave and let Drumfin now I doubt whether it can be saved from the hammer’ - V- and his brother Lord B- good friends again - Lady S- still with Miss Tate - very infirm - ‘I am not yet strong enough to wish for her here - all her friends wish her out of London, for her infirmities are great, and her spirits lead her out at night when she is only fit to be at home’ - they (the C-s) looking at a small place near Bedford - her letter dated the 14th ‘Louisa Stuart is presented at court today’ -  went to my aunt at 10 for 10 minutes - dampish morning but finish afternoon and evening F50 ½° now at 10 30/60 pm.

[homosociallyyours]

@velvet-impala tagged me to answer this long set of questions, and bc I love this sort of thing I’m DOING IT! I’ll tag folks here just in case you don’t want to read thru this whole dang thing. But I wanna say: if you want to do this, PLEASE DO IT and tag me so I can see-- I *love* reading responses to stuff like this. But @la-paritalienne @disgruntledkittenface @and-id-marry-larry @calmrry @crinkle-eyed-boo @lightwoodsmagic -- y’all are tagged :) 

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? black, but what matters most is how smoothly it writes.

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? walkable neighborhood in a city. 3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? would love to learn how to hack into billionaire bank accounts without getting caught so i could redistribute their wealth to a variety of mutual aid funds. :)  4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? no, just milk! unless it’s really shitty/bitter coffee, and then i will take it with a couple sugars or sweetened creamer. 

5. What was your favourite book as a child? probably the Anne of Green Gables books  6. Do you prefer baths or showers? showers! i wanna love a bath, but i get bored too fast and i never feel comfortable (where do i put my head? my feet? what do i do when my belly isn’t covered by the water and it gets cold?) so they’re meh. 

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? dryad! i wanna be a tree spirit!

8. Paper or electronic books? paper, i guess. but i do love reading fic electronically, so..

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? used to be my work hoodie. but now i would say this blue striped button down i have OR this one black dress i have with 3/4 sleeves that’s really soft and comfy. 

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? i always meant to start going by Dottie when I got older, but it hasn’t happened yet so it probably won’t by now? but i would never change my name generally speaking. 

more after the cut! 

  11. Who is a mentor to you? i had a co-worker who was really a mentor for me since i got into being a cheesemonger in 2008. he’s been in the industry for a long time and basically recruited me to the job i have/had here. but when i got sick he basically dropped me/hasn��t spoken to me in a long time. let me tell you: it fucking sucks. bc a mentor is a cross between a friend and a colleague and a relative; we jokingly called him my lesbian uncle. and so losing him from my life so completely over something like this is deeply shitty. 

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for?  not now, but before i was sick i would’ve said yes. BUT only bc i think i would be a great Saturday Night Live host (not a cast member! just a one time host with a monologue/skits). So whatever level of fame i needed to get that..

13. Are you a restless sleeper? I have really bad insomnia that means i take at least an hour to fall asleep most nights. Once I’m out, I usually sleep ok, but i do have intense dreams/nightmares that wake me up sometimes. 

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? yeah :/

15. Which element best represents you? earth: the wet dirt and leaves in a forest after rain in particular

16. Who do you want to be closer to? emotionally i’m pretty good i think. physically i wish i could be closer to friends and family in NYC, Seattle area, TN/Atlanta, and Germany

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? the people referenced above. also missing my Grandmomma a lot lately and my mom. 

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. art lessons with my grandmomma. her set of pastels that were all worn down and the heavy paper (black) that she pulled out to work on. she drew a quick portrait of a man, showing me how to create depth in skin tones with blue and green against the softer flesh tones. she didn’t blend it out, the marks all painterly and strong-- her style. i was 10, maybe? 12? so not *early* but it feels like forever ago. 

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? i have no idea? i’ve eaten a lot of weirdish cheeses. i’ve had geoduck? 

20. What are you most thankful for? the amazing friends i’ve gathered into my life along the way, my dad, and my baby dog. 

21. Do you like spicy food? yes, within reason (i don’t get stuff that’s spicy just for the heck of it, like ghost pepper chips or whatever? but when spice is integrated in with other flavors i love it)

22. Have you ever met someone famous? i used to make up stories about meeting famous people that were based on partial truths. i’ve hung out with or met a lot of gay famous people. but the biggest person who comes to mind is Sandra Bernhard. I sold her cheese.  23. Do you do you keep a diary or journal? i have over the years. now i sometimes write things down in a paper journal, but mostly go to a really old blogging site where i basically put all my big feelings down in a public but sorta private spot.  

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? depends on my mood.

25. What is your star sign? taurus sun and moon, gemini rising

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? in between...not HARD crunchy, but not soft soggy. 

27. What would you want your legacy to be? would like people to remember that i loved them well and made them feel good/happy when i was around them. and hopefully that it made them feel like being good to others too. 

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? i do, but i’m mostly reading fic these days. i think the thing i read last was Pink Like the Paradise Found, which was FANTASTIC!

29. How do you show someone you love them? i tell them, shower them with physical affection, and do little things for them. also try to remember small details about what they enjoy and then do stuff to make them feel good when they’re down

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? yes, but not too much

31. What are you afraid of? sometimes being along but only when it’s very dark out and i’m in the sads. honestly-- this is some deep internalized ableism but here it is --i’m very afraid of never getting better and not being able to take care of myself or anyone else. 

32. What is your favourite scent? jasmine flowers, pu-er tea, the specific scents of people i love

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? however they’re introduced i guess. maybe because i’m an older person lol

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? i would live in the apartment i had alone (with a guest room). i would hire someone from my community to come help me out sometimes. i would get a weekly grocery delivery from the good quality place. i would have a dog walker. and i would fly home to see my family more than once a year and fly my family out for a visit sometimes. so like. probably the way a lot of ppl live? idk. 

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? ocean

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? get dinner at the thai restaurant down the street a couple times. 

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? yes, lots! 

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? i’m not having kids BUT for the kids in my life, i try to teach them/model the importance of consent and respect for their own bodies as well as other people’s. and i know it said one thing, but alongside that is that i respect and love them for who they are, and that’s something they get to decide. 

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? i want a lot of tattoos, but if i could get one tomorrow it would be a cheese themed tattoo with a variety of cheese knives (parm tools, dutch style knife) and a small cheese assortment. or a portrait of my dog

40. What can you hear now? this kinda dumb netflix show that i decided to binge today even tho it’s only kinda meh and my dog snoring just a little. 

41. Where do you feel the safest? when i’m surrounded by friends. 

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? my stupid money issues prolly

43. Of you could travel back to any era, what would it be? wanna go back to 1977 and live in the girl direction AU i wrote last year, lol.

44. What is your most used emoji? laugh crying emoji or sobbing maybe

45. Describe yourself using one word. colorful

46. What do you regret the most? not sure if this is a thing but i regret not realizing when i got bitten by a tick/got lyme disease the first time, bc maybe i could’ve just taken antibiotics and killed it, and then maybe i wouldn’t be sick? 

47. Last movie you saw? watched the new charlie’s angels the other night

48. Last tv show you watched? this dumb show is called sweet magnolias, and it’s. honestly not terrible! it’s just not my style of show. OH WAIT i take it back, they left it on a really shitty cliffhanger without warning, and that is the one way to make me drop your show/fic HARD unless i like. genuinely love you. so byeeee dumb show, hope you get cancelled

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. saungry: sadness brought on by being hungry, like hangry except oops you’re crying now! example: “fuck i knew i should’ve eaten before calling my best friend, now i miss them and i’m too saungry to figure out what to eat! Guess I’ll have tears for dinner” (almost called it sungry, but the internet thinks that might just mean ‘so hungry’)

did you make it to the end? WOW! devotion. thank you. 

[luvdsc]

1. (You don't have to read it all if you don't want to but I just wanted to send it in) It's honestly really stressful for a bunch of reasons.. The first being no one knows if the year will start on time, and if it does we don't know if we'll be able to take classes in school instead of online (I'm awful with online classes too so I'm really scared they'll start online).

2. The second thing is SATs & ACTs. I'm better at test taking than I am in the classroom so my plan was to take them and submit my scores to show I can do well in school, but they got cancelled this year so I'll have to take them next year. I still don't know when the ACT will be, but I do know the SAT will be at the start of the school year which isn't great because that's 3 months from now and I already don't remember much, so I'm probably not gonna do as well on the thing I was banking on..

3. Another thing is I have zero clue if/when I'll be able to do college tours, which isn't good because I haven't toured any yet :( And finally on top of all that I have the normal highschooler problems of having no idea what to go to school for and having no clue where I want to go... Ughh there's so many other smaller reasons too but those are the important one's.. Thank you for listening to/letting me rant though and sorry it is so long, I just really needed it!! 💕💕 💕

✿ ✿ ✿

of course, i’d read it all, lovebug! 💕 yes, it’s definitely scary with the uncertainty of the school year. i had to go through that with my last quarter where they kept delaying the start in order to accommodate the online switch. i’m not gonna lie to you and say online classes was a breeze because i definitely struggled with it myself, but i ended up with 3 A’s and 1 B, so i can tell you how i studied online if that will help? please go to your classes. don’t skip even though you desperately want to. go to class, turn off your phone, pay attention and take notes. you might tell yourself that it’s okay to skip because you can watch the recorded lecture later, but that’s a big fat lie and you’re not going to watch it lol. hold yourself accountable and watch it live and take notes like you’re in your actual classroom. participate when the teacher asks questions, don’t just sit there silently. actually do the problems and examples they go over and do the practice problems if they assign them. as for studying for tests, if you know when you’ll be having a midterm, start a week early and study one chapter a day and do some practice problems for each one. this way, you won’t be scrambling to cram study the night before and it’ll seem less daunting. you will get through this, honey bee! ✨

secondly, as for SATs and ACTs, i actually do think you remember more than you give yourself credit for. I didn’t study for them very much, and I think I did pretty well on them! I know the SAT scoring changed from when i took it, but I got a 2250 out of 2400 on the SAT and 33 out of 36 on the ACT. There are a ton of mock exams online and I used those super thick, paper thin soft cover books to study from, which had many mock exams. I don’t quite remember what was covered in those exams since it’s been 4 years, but if you want to study for math, i suggest that you review one chapter a day, starting at the beginning of your summer! that way, you aren’t cramming everything into the few days before the test and feel overwhelmed. it’s not as scary this way either, setting aside one or two hours to review each chapter and this will refresh your memory! i wish i could help you with the reading and writing portion, but i didn’t spend much time studying for this part. i mostly just tried out the mock exams because i’m not sure how else to prepare for that. you’re smart, sweetpea, and i know you’ll try your best, and that’s what counts the most! if you aren’t satisfied with your score, you are always able to retake it! there’s nothing wrong with retaking it. colleges won’t count that against you. i believe in you, lovebug! 💗

it sucks that you aren’t able to do college tours, i’m so sorry ): if it helps, i can describe to you how my university is like? a couple of my friends are actually the student tour guides at my school, too, so i can get more info on that if you’d like! my sister and i both went to private universities, so i have a better grasp of how those are and what the class situations are like. but many of my friends go to public universities, and i can ask them what those are like as well! my other friend went to community college, so if you want to know what that’s like, i can also ask her! 🌸

i talked about the struggles of choosing a major earlier, and i’ll put that here as well as add onto it! it’s a scary thing choosing what you want to do for the rest of your life. i went through that as well. i did extensive research and bounced between seven different potential majors. i didn’t know what i wanted to major in either and applied with different majors to each place. but it’s also possible to change your major later on, which is what i did twice. i will tell you this, it is the easiest to transfer majors from engineering to anything else. it’s the hardest to transfer into business or engineering if you’re majoring in sciences or arts. business is in between, so it’s hard to transfer to engineering from there, but much easier than it is to transfer to engineering from arts and sciences. transferring into arts and sciences is the easiest overall. it’s okay if you don’t know what to major in. but also, keep in mind that it’s much more difficult to change your major in a public university than a private one. also, to be honest, as long as you have some sort of degree, you can make yourself marketable to any job as long as you have the experience to back it up. granted, this doesn’t mean you can suddenly become a cardiovascular surgeon with just an economics degree, but what i mean is that it is very possible to get a job outside of what you have a degree in! 🌻

what’s your favorite subject, honey bee? what are your favorite extracurriculars? is there some topic that you’re really interested in? talk to the people around you and ask what their job is like! does it sound interesting to you? can you see yourself doing that kind of work for a while? do you think you’ll enjoy that kind of job? 💓 also, please make sure the average job in your chosen field of study will support the lifestyle you want or that you are okay with the lifestyle it supports! this is the reason why i didn’t choose to major in art, even though it’s my passion. i don’t want to be living in a shoebox and having an unstable income based on whether or not i can sell my paintings. it’s why i chose to go into business because i prefer a comfortable lifestyle with a nice apartment, much travelling, and lots of sushi in the future lmao

i didn’t know where i wanted to go either tbh. i never had a dream school. so i chose based on the school that offered me what i wanted most, which was a small classroom size with good teacher-student relationships, close to home, and the ability for me to change majors easily since i wasn’t set on the one i applied with. and i’m very happy with my decision! so maybe, if you list down what you want from your future school, you can narrow down your choices? 💕

you’re always welcome to come talk to me or rant about whatever you’d like! i’m sorry my response is so long, but i really hope any part of it will be able to help you in making your choices, lovebug! i’m rooting for you, and i hope you have a wonderful senior year ✨ please don’t worry too much about it, and remember to have fun as well!!! enjoy your last year!!!! ��

[awesomejesakuthings]

40 questions

@sussexualtension-blog taged me to answer the following 40 questions. Have fun reading.

1.     What’s something that you’d drop everything to do?

Helping my dad. He’s always there for me and ever since I was old enough to return the favor, I’m doing exactly that. Other than that – if I’m doing something at home and I notice the sun is hitting our balcony I stop doing what I’m doing and I’m off to the balcony to bath in the sun like a reptile.

 2.     If you could pick anyone, who would you spend a sleepover with?

      Probably our chancellor Merkel just to see if she even wears those colorful pantsuits to bed. Lol

 3.     What’s your favorite mobile game?

I’m a candy crush junkie!

 4.     Do you have a crush right now? What are they like?

I was kind of going in the direction of developing a crush on a co-worker. But my contract with the firm I was working for didn’t get renewed So I probably will never see him again.

 5.     How do you define your own aesthetic?

I’m not sure I really understand that question, since English is not my mother tongue. Is it about what I like to wear? Maybe I’ll answer that when someone explained it to me.

 6.     What style do you wish you could pull off?

Mini skirt and high heels. I just look ridiculous in it with my short, thick legs. But I don’t really care about style and fashion.

 7.     If you could pick any fantasy creature to be your pet, which would you pick?

It isn’t really suitable to call Baby Yoda a pet, so I will go with a Porg from Star Wars.

 8.     What’s your favorite song at the moment?

Hard question. I don’t listen much to current music. I kind of like Blinding Lights – by The Weekend

 9.     What’s your favorite album at the moment?

Don’t have one. Haven’t bought a new album in years. I mostly wait for the singer/band to publish a best off album.

 10.  What place makes you feel nostalgic?

The quarter I grow up in. Always full of fond memories when I return. Even if so much has changed since I was young. Still can’t believe the branch office of the bank where I got my first bank account is now a veterinarians practice.

 11.  Do you like wearing makeup?

I hate it. It makes me feel like my skin can’t breath.

 12.  What’s the most magical place you’ve ever been to?

Yellowstone NP – a beautiful force of nature. And of course, Disney World when I was a kid lol

 13.  Would you rather have wings or a mermaid tail?

Can I have both?

 14.  What’s your favourite kind of pasta?

Finally, an easy question. Fettucine Alfredo! If the sauce is made right you can fill a bathtub full of it for me.

 15.  Do you identify with your star sign?  

Not really. I would have to combine a few character traits from all signs to make it fit to me.

 16.  Do you like rollercoasters? Do you have a favorite one that you’ve been on?

I loved them when I was younger. I enjoyed all roller coasters on the strip in Las Vegas.

 17.  What’s your favorite emoji?

All kinds of smileys and the x-mas tree. When I see it, I know my favorite time of the year is there.

 18.  Do you take a lot of selfies?

No. I tried a few times, but I just can’t get it right. I always look stupid in them.

 19.  What’s your favorite part about yourself?

I like my arms and my eyes, even if I can’t name the exact color.

 20.  How many people have you kissed?

To say it with Steve McGarrett’s words – It’s classified.

 21.  Do you prefer movies or shows?

I watch a lot of shows but only a few movies a year can get my attention.

 22.  What’s your favorite thing to doodle?

I’m bad at arts. I like to draw the Minions though.

 23.  Have you said “I love you” to anyone in the past 24 hours?

Yes

 24.  What’s your favorite book genre?

All things crime. Love Tess Gerritsen.

 25.  What’s something you find overrated?

Most Oscar winning movies.

 26.  What’s your favorite meme right now?

Had to google what a meme is. Does that answer the question?

 27.  Do you have a favorite comedian?

I have a few. But they are only known in my country.

 28.  Do you play video games? What’s your favorite?

No, I’m not into video games.

 29.  Do people consider you funny?

The people I’m close with – yes.

 30.  What features are you attracted to?

Definitely not the typical attributes. I’m a face person. There has to be something remarkable in their face.

 31.  Do you prefer more muted colors or bright pastels?

Pastels are great for wall color. In clothes I match dark and bright colors.

 32.  Fairy lights or neon signs?

Fairy lights! I love how a bunch of Americans decorate their houses for x-mas.

33.  Do you think your appearance matches your mind?

No.

 34.  What skill are you most proud of for having?

I’m a quick learner and I have a broad general education.

 35.  Do you have a sweet tooth?

Yes. Sadly, I also like salty snacks. Bad combination. 😉

 36.  Who inspires you?

Musicians of all kind.

 37.  Are you more left brained or right brained?

I would say I appear more left-brained but wish I was more right-brained.

 38.  What’s your favorite word?

In German it is “Fischstäbchen”. I don’t have one in English. But the Englisch word I hate the most is probably “immediately” I always have to check ho to spell it - argh!

 39.  What’s your favorite card game?

UNO. When I was about 8/9 I went on a camping trip to Canada with my parents. On the camp side next to us were a bunch of kids the same age as I. In that summer I learned Uno and the first English words.

 40.  Do you believe in fate?

Our fate is in our hands.

[peerless-soshi]

Reylo + 7&36?

Rules: Send me two (2) tropes from this list + a ship and I’ll describe how I’d combine them in the same story.  

Florist AU + Text/Letter Fic

Rey didn’t see herself as a florist.

After all, she had grown up in a small, sandy town known for its record-breaking temperatures, got the first glimpse of green gardens thanks to picture books and killed a class plant when she had been in third grade. It’d been a cactus. Really, flower shops took the last spot on her dream jobs list. But Millenium Falcon had flexible hours, the salary was good enough for a college student as poor as a trash collector, and making bouquets turned out to be more inspiring than Rey had expected. Therefore, she was here, still surprised, trying her best, cursing and choosing flowers.

The usually blindingly bright shop was priced by red stains of afternoon, which meant that her shift was coming to an end. Rey wiped the sweat off her brow and looked down to admire the last work of her art. A mistake. Purple lavender petals looked horrible with yellow flowers, as if they were planning to bite off their neighbors’ heads. They could as well eat small insects. And she actually believed in the final result… Arranging flowers was a battle. And she was a winner. Normally, Rey would spend another half an hour changing the composition and fighting with equally ugly ribbons while receiving calls from crying brides that replaced their wedding flowers for the third time this week, but waiting for the next customer, Rey didn’t have to hurry. Mostly because the customer looked as if he bit off his neighbors’ heads, too.

There was one more thing about the flower shop, more for the benefit of Rey’s boredom than her bank account. Who knew that flowers fading on shelves would make her meet so many people? Rey didn’t like to think about it but she used to be a part of the closed world: familiar faces, familiar houses, and between them stories she had been hearing since birth. 

It was a strangely exciting sensation, that getting to know a stranger.

The young man coming to the flower shop every other Friday caught Rey’s attention from the start. He wasn’t just a person who didn’t match the flower shop; he was the most mismatched person that has got there since the invention of flower shops. Rey wasn’t entirely certain what he did for living but a leather jacket so shiny that other motorcyclists could see their reflections and hair falling across his forehead in a mess suggested something less office-like and more rebel-like. There was no way a boy with a scar on his face and contempt in his eyes could possibly buy little flowers, Rey had thought. She’d been wrong. He’d even left her a gratuity. The following Fridays Rey had kept seeing him regularly until she got used to that black pole, though her curiosity didn’t fade away. Whoever the rebel was buying flowers for, they had to bath in aromatic petals and candles and maybe honey too.

Rey looked at a card lying on the counter with the same gaze she wore when someone asked her a gross question, then quickly scribbled a note.

Lavender - devotion

Among all the words that could describe her, Rey wouldn’t choose ‘sentimental’. It didn’t meant she wasn’t sentimental  — just that she wouldn’t describe herself that way.

The bouquet wasn’t pretty but lavender would do.

She was finishing the last letter when the door slammed and the little bell above it rang. Rey raised her gaze. The man in black always slammed the door. He felt the need to make a scene and announce his arrival to everyone inside the shop and on the street. And possibly make Rey spill the ink, but she refused to leave a blob. Instead Rey’s reserved-yet-polite-how-can-I-help-you face met his reserved-and-uninterested-nice-to-see-you face.

“I would like a small bouquet of flowers,” the man said, although this clarification wasn’t necessary.

Rey pointed to the vase next to her. “Here. A modest but lasting bouquet. Can I add something?”

Extra decorations meant extra money, and Rey never sneezed at extra money. Though more important was nagging curiosity that turned the man in black into a matryoshka doll in which rattled secrets.

“No need.”

Rey served together the bill and the professional smile. “If you are buying flowers for someone then maybe that person has some special wishes? It would help me.”

The man in black didn’t reply. He raised an eyebrow without looking at her, but in the dim afternoon light pouring through the shop window Rey caught sight of restrained surprise. The light was red. Rey’s cheeks burned with embarrassment for some reason she didn’t understand. In fact, she could pin this to silence.

He dropped money onto the counter, once again more than necessary.

“It’s true that I bought them for someone. But this person is unlikely to express his opinion. He is on a cemetery.“

Now it was her turn to avoid answers. There was a weight to this silence, there was tension in her face. Perhaps it was more awkward than killing a class cactus.

“Please forgive me,” Rey said after a moment. But it was only external Rey. Internal Rey was hitting her head on a stone and wrapping herself in a blanket as a ball of shame.

“It’s all right,” he said, just a little sarcastically. He seemed to be honest.

“No, I’m really sorry, I should…”

Should what? Should mind her own business and not make people uncomfortable, and now, when she indeed made someone uncomfortable, she should keep her cool and gift him a dancing flower? Rey wouldn’t be satisfied with such an apology.

The man’s gaze was swaying over the line between annoyance and amusement. He said, “I put it badly. You didn’t say anything wrong because it wasn’t someone close to me. I didn’t even know him.”

“A distant cousin?”

“A total stranger.”

Rey’s eyes widened with suspicion. She struggled to think of reasons he could have to visit a random guy’s grave, except for participating in demonic mass, being a volunteer cleaning graves or possibly making fun of her. He looked like a solid one, though more facts were in favour of number three.

“Recently, my father died,” the man in black continued and waved his hand, silencing her. “Past is in the past. I just visit him to pay respects, but the grave next to him is always in a terrible state. It looks bad, you know?” He shrugged casually, which annoyed Rey, because she was busy being ashamed and this demonstration of nonchalance clashed with it. “My father had many friends, so his grave is full of flowers. It makes the other one look even worse then before, so every time I’m going to visit him, I buy flowers for that guy.”

Even if Rey didn’t know the truth, she could spot a lie. But there had to be something about a son not leaving flowers for a father, something private and more complicated than Rey would like to see. She let it be. Instead, she focused on the guy being number two. What a surprise.

“It’s extremely nice of you,” she said, using the tone containing half the truth and half the suspicion. “You don’t even know who it is.”

The man shrugged again. Maybe he wasn’t trying to be nonchalant and it was a fundamental part of his nonverbal communication.

“Aren’t you curious?”

“Curious?” he repeated slowly.

“Who it was,” Rey explained. “You visit him every other Friday and you don’t know anything about him. If I was you, I would be curious. Maybe there’s a reason why his family doesn’t visit him.”

She shrugged it off to match the man in black, but compared to him, the gesture seemed amateurishly.

He looked at her, and there was a crease between his eyebrows. “I’m not nosy.” Unlike you, Rey read between the lines. She was ready to discuss when he added, “By the way, family doesn’t have to visit you, right? There are more important matters.”

He said There are more important matters like someone who considers it a very important matter. Rey spotted A Family Issue behind it; an important feature of having family issues was both the ability to see them and the ability to leave them without a comment.

“Of course, sir.”

“Kylo Ren.” 

Rey lowered her head with a hint of smile. “It’s just Rey.”

She felt that telling her name meant something; that sharing the story about the abandoned grave was a secret message and Kylo Ren found Rey worthy of it. The air between them filled quite uninvited understanding.

“I’ll take the flowers then,” he said, “Thanks for your advice, Rey.”

She cast a quick glance at the note, realizing that the distance between devotion and the thing he was doing was big. Still, mourning was too heavy and Rey didn’t have statice for remembrance.

“Next time I’ll choose better flowers, just as I promised.”

For now, language was open to interpretation.

The “next time” came earlier than expected.

All afternoon Rey was locked up in her flower shop, working on wedding and funeral orders — the circle of life — when a loud vehicle spat with exhaust fumes at the curb. Rey didn’t understand immediately; the man in black’s schedule has never failed her, so recognizing the flower shop as a meeting point for dark guys was more reasonable. It was a coincidence that the new bouquet was ready when the door slammed as loud as if a motorcycle parked in the window.

Kylo Ren greeted her in the door.

“Oh,” Rey muttered, little eloquently. “I didn’t think you’d come,” she added, which was one of many things she shouldn’t have said.

Kylo Ren’s gaze was between annoyance and resignation. A very not-man-in-black condition. He said, “I want to ask you for another message.”

“Message?” Rey repeated.

“Last time you left me a note in flowers, right? Then I need your help.”

Oh. Rey rubbed her fingers together, as if she was wiping non-existing ink away from them. Somehow, talking about her sentimentality didn’t seem right, but it was also difficult to explain — she did write the note, no use denying it — so she accepted the topic. “What kind of message would you like to include in flowers?”

To her surprise, Kylo Ren exaggerated a pissed sigh and crossed his arms. “Fuck you.”

“Excuse me?!” Rey snapped. No one was to insult her while she was working, especially not a client to whom she devoted so much work.

Rey was ready to punch him when Kylo Ren explained, mixing perfectly exasperation and obviousness, “I want you to make me a bouquet that says fuck you. In capital letters.”

It was an unexpected change of game.

“You’re still visiting that stranger?” Rey asked to make sure.

Very coolly, he said, “He’s not a stranger anymore.”

“Maybe some details?”

Kylo Ren looked as if he swallowed acid. “What you said earlier… I could be a little curious. Just a little.”

Corners of Rey’s lips moved up. Kylo Ren grinned in response.

“I checked his name because I wanted to learn anything,” he said, “Have you ever heard a surname like Snoke?“

“I don’t think so,” Rey answered and tilted her head.

“He was a serial killer.”

Now Rey’s lips formed a beautiful, round O. She overheard? Some things needed to be said twice, even if one understood them perfectly, and so Rey asked, “What did you say?”

And so, Kylo Ren repeated, “I said that I was leaving flowers for a murderer. For almost half a year.”

“This…” Rey paused. “This explains why nobody else left him flowers.”

“I looked like a psychopath.”

“There are worse things.”

Kylo Ren nodded, as if he agreed with her and listed all worse things. “So can I order a fuck you very much bouquet, please?”

When the first wave of shock was over, Rey felt laughter rising in her. Bringing back her professional smile, she said, “See you next Friday.”

She should decorate the bouquet with geranium. Once Rey had read that its message is foolishness.

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Wednesday 23 May 1838

8 ¾

12 ¼

washing cousin stocking very fine morning F66° at 7 ¾ am packed etc. etc. breakfast at 8 40 in ½ hour and wrote part of yesterday’s journal till 9 50 – A- and I went out before 10 and took the commissionaire – sauntered the marché – will be no strawberries these ten days – plenty of apples eggs and vegetables of the season – bought Leghorn straw mans’ hat for me – then to the bank M. [Verceur] very civil – he is Mr. Cockerill’s banker? § - is défendue from asking for admission for anybody – but if I had much wished the thing and had time perhaps he might have got permission for me? exchange 25/40 – got fr. 1270 for two £25 circulars – then back to the hotel – M. M- out – paid all – annoyed to find the 2 oranges we had yesterday at dessert (not asked for) charged 0/60 – un peu fort – not much pleased – but said nothing about it – Madame Mathioli at home – very civil – saw us off at 11 53 from Liège – rain and hail at 12 ¼ for about ½ hour – no sight of the river till 12 ½ at Seraing – good village or bourg? we passed thro’ it seeing little of the village on the other side the river except the chateau of Mr. Cockerill his enormous boilers lying about – fine broadish river but shallow – 2 horses drawing up a barge – the animals some distance from the bank yet not much above the gambrels in water – at one stop à la poste (not an auberge) at the nice village of Chockier – the rock high above the village and great quarrying thereabouts for stone for building and burning into lime – Inquired for the grotte – the woman concierge took us to the Risances – She was Flamande and did not understand me – went up to a sellier at work in one of the sheds – he said the Grotte was spoilt by the quarrying and never of any great size – a little place –une petite demie heure from where we were standing – there was  a man’s armour found in the grotte it was  e.g. [?] now at the chateau but the baron  at Bruxelles and the baronne also away and did not know whether ‘les suits’ the servants might now be there or not – the chateau finely placed on high overhanging projecting head of rock – pity it is a mere modern good house instead of a fine old gothic castle – the river no better at Liège than the Ouse at York and hereabouts like the Ouse towards Bishopthorpe – fine rich valley wood, rock, river chateaus cottages villages and long chimneys and factories and foundries – good cultivation

§ ‘Mr. Orban les plus grand industriel du pays’ the only négociant who does not employ a banker – Chockier

- the river perfectly hid by orchards – very fine under the high rocks and river close (left) at 1 ¾ and heavy shower and at 1 50 a small village and some chateau or convent a large pile handsome of building high above us (right) leaving  only just room for the road between the high wall of the chateau terrace and the river – fine view from the bridge at Huy – 20 minutes in changing horses there – same hotel de la poste (arrive at 2 37) Lady S- and Lady VC. and I slept at in 1829 – same terraced garden just under the fortress walls that climb up the almost perpendicular rock on which the fortress is perched

Madame Mathioly had recommended the hotel d’Arschamp (Hotel de Lasconte as she pronounced it) at Namur – here (Huy) à la poste the man at the door recommended l’hotel de Hollande but then owned the hotel A- was the larger – it was ancien –

the valley opens out just out of Huy, and in front of us low little wooded range of hill (enclosed as in England all hereabouts) – Huy with its one cathedral like church and 2 other churches a picturesque looking town – but I had no fancy to sleep there again – not so much taken with the security now as before (1829) – Off from Huy at 2 58 – at 3 20 fine reach of river and fine scenery – road close under high wooded rock – river right and chateaus and villages – fine river-drive and at 4 25 change horses at the village of Schlayen [Sclaigneaux]- During the 11 minutes we stood at the door of the little Poste aux chevaux my Liège Leghorn hat excited much attention and some laughter and I was always answered monsieur the people saying to themselves c’est [moussoor] etc. etc. des bêtises of which I took no notice but sat gravely reading my account of Spa as I had done at intervals between looking at the scenery all this morning – Off from Schlayen [Sclaigneaux] at 4 36 – far the best part of todays’ drive – at 5 20 first and fine view of Namur seeming to close the valley – at 5 ½ enter the Elm avenue leading into the ville – except along the river towards Dinant the valley too much étendu about Namur to be so fine as I expected rather disappointed all today – the scenery seen to more advantage going the other way – to instead of from Liège – but the castle (fortress, garrison) fine on entering the tower – arrived at the hotel d’Arschamp at 5 ¾ - long in bargaining for rooms – 2 bedrooms 4/. and rooms for Oddy and George 2/. and A- dinner and mine at 3/. each without wine and breakfast to be 1/50 each the servants to have ½ bottle of wine at dinner and be at the rate of 7/. a day 3 meals 1 bottle of wine included as at Spa – the mistress disappointed that she could not make her own bill her own way – dinner at 6 25 to 7 66 A- then lay down and slept till near 10 when she had Oddy and I finished writing out yesterday and so far of today at 10 pm – good dinner tho’ at 3/. each  a bottle of Lunel but I drank Beaune and water not liking the Lunel I had drank Lunel and Chypre before I was so unwell at Spa on Sunday and shall not soon relish these wines again –

[thedrowsydoormouse]

1. Any scars? I have a couple on my back that look like stretchmarks and random ones on my legs from being klutzy.

2. Self harmed? In a way, yes, but not in the way people typically think of when they think of self harm.

3. Crush? My husband (and a plethora of celebrity crushes)!

4. Kissed anyone? Many people.

5. Coke or Pepsi? Coke.

6. Someone you hate? How much time do we have? At the top of my list, Trump.

7. Best Friends? @anangelamuse-castiel-spnfam 

8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs? I drink on occasion and am looking into using cbd oil for my anxiety.

9. What’s your dream job? I would kill to be the lead in a Broadway musical.

10. Ever been in love? I’m madly in love right now!

11. Last time you cried? Last night when I was talking to Jack about what made me first fall in love with him.

12. Favorite color? I love black and jewel tones, but no yellow.

13. Height? 6′ 1/2″

14. Birthday? November 28th

15. Eye color? Blue

16. Hair color? Purple-y red

17. What do you love? Dance

18. Obsession? I have so many but my longest lasting one is Disney.

19. If you had one wish, what would it be? That I could afford to go to Disneyland whenever I want with small enough crowds that it doesn’t trigger my anxiety.

20. Do you love someone? Very much so.

21. Kiss or hug? Why not both?

22. Nicknames people call you? I’ve had so many nicknames over the years and I hate all of them so I’m not answering this.

23. Favorite song? Eulogy by Charlie Allen

24. Favorite band? I can’t pick just one.

25. Worst thing that has ever happened to you? Me and my husband separated for a few months last summer and almost got divorced.

26. Best thing that has ever happened to you? Meeting my husband and realizing that I am worth more than I was giving myself before and I don’t need to settle for someone who didn’t see me as an actual person.

27. Something you would change about yourself? The amount of money in my bank account. I love everything about myself except that.

28. Ever dated someone? Many people who were almost all huge mistakes.

29. Worst mistake? Letting some asshole who cheated on me with my own sister make me question if I’m even worth loving.

30. Watch the movie or read the book? Lately I only have the attention to watch the movie but I used to love reading the book after watching the movie.

31. Ever had a heartbreak? The thing I talked about in 29 was so heartbreaking at the time and ruined me for so many years.

32. Favorite show? Right now I love Doctor Who because it’s the only show I love that isn’t ending!

33. Best day of your life? Last year I was supposed to go to Disneyland with some friends and the guy I was seeing at the time but my date had to bail at the last minute and sent my husband in his place (which I think he planned to do anyway). We hadn’t spoken the entire summer after having a huge fight which almost ruined our relationship. By the end of the day it was like we had never even spent time apart and we’ve been going strong pretty much ever since.

34. Any talents? I have a lot of them but the one’s I’m most proud of are dancing and being really good at mixing flavors and shit when cooking or making drinks.

35. Do you wish you could ever start over? No. I don’t care how shit my life has been because it lead to where I am now and I’m ridiculously happy. One may tolerate a world of demons for the sake of an angel.

36. Any bad habits? I am so OCD that it’s not even funny!

37. Ever had a near death experience? I don’t think I have.

38. Someone I can tell anything to? My husband. I know he’s never going to judge me or think I’m crazy or belittle my thoughts or feelings.

39. Ever lost a loved one? Way too many to count.

40. Do you believe in love? Yes

41. Someone you hate/Dislike? Johnny Depp

42. Are you okay? I think so. But who knows! I could fall apart at any minute!

43. Relationship status? Married

44. Selfie? Hahaha no.