#I don’t think anyone is turning on Ryan but is it wrong of me to be hopeful that some of these people will wake up

[hibiscus-reign]

I feel like something is shifting… kinda

The Buddie shippers on Twitter are backtracking but not fully. They all of a sudden care about Buck’s bisexuality and don’t care if he’s with a man or not, but still don’t like Tommy (not that it matters I’m glad they’re finally waking up to celebrating Buck, but this after all the homophobia they spewed), and they’re telling each other not to pay attention to interviews and for reporters to stop asking about Buddie… What’s happening?

[angelfic]

— THE WAY I LOVED YOU

pairing: theodore nott x reader

summary: in which theodore nott will do anything to get you to go out with him, but you’re just as stubborn rejecting him

warnings: swearing, kissing, dangerous stunts and theo being stupid (ryan gosling in the notebook style), unedited since i wrote this in the middle of the night on no sleep again lol. enemies to lovers if you squint a bit

author’s note: since everyone loves theo i’ll pretend this isn’t just for my own selfish needs <3 (especially the notebook reference) also surprise surprise mc is a gryffindor as always, you’d never know i was a slytherin my bad guys… as always let me know what u think! enjoy, angels 💌

The first time Theodore Nott asks you out, you spill a pot of ink directly into his lap.

It’s not like you meant to do it. But when there’s a Transfiguration worksheet to be getting on with, the Slytherin boy seated next to you by Professor McGonagall asking you out would surely take anyone by surprise.

The second you twist in your seat to look at him in shock, your arm slides the pot right off the desk and directly onto his grey trousers, instantly staining them with the black liquid before you have a chance to speak.

Your hands fly to your mouth to stifle your gasp and you look up at him, anticipating an angry glare in return. Instead, he looks mildly surprised at the ever-growing stain on his crotch, but mostly… amused?

“A simple ‘no’ would have sufficed, darling,” he says, raising an eyebrow and suppressing a smile.

You begin stuttering out an apology and scrambling for your wand to wave away the stain before you can do something stupid like attempting to rub it off with your sleeve. Your cheeks instantly heat up at the humiliating image now plaguing your mind and you barely contain a sigh of relief when you realise the lesson has finished.

It’s a miracle your shoes haven’t left scuff marks on the ground in a cartoonish trail with the speed at which you leave the classroom. Godric knows why Theo Nott of all people wants to ask you out, but since it can’t possibly be for any good reason, you’d rather not think about it too much. This, however, isn’t helped by Hermione pestering you about why you look so flustered for the entire walk to the Charms classroom.

Twenty minutes later, her attention is finally diverted. On the other hand, it’s because she’s berating you for accidentally burning the end of her left eyebrow off with a charm gone wrong.

The second time Theo asks you out, there are thankfully no ink pots around.

“Hey,” he whispers from behind you, making you jump within an inch of your life despite his low volume. You swivel in your chair to glare at him, incredulous. Seeing that he’s startled you, Theo grins. “Sorry. What are you doing?”

“Baking a cake,” you deadpan, once your heart has started beating at a normal pace again. Holding up your Potions book, you feel the annoyance start to seep in when Theo continues looking at you, undeterred. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

Apparently unfazed by your sarcasm, he drags out the chair next to you and spins it around to sit on it backwards. Settling his arms on top of the backrest, Theo rests his chin on them to look at you. “You never did answer my question.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you mumble, eyes scanning the page in front of you but taking in nothing. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to study-”

“Are you going to make me ask you again?” he sighs. You panic a little at his bluntness and continue pretending to read, not knowing what else to do. Theo takes your silence as encouragement and shuffles his chair closer to your own. “Go out with me.”

The arrogance practically drips off his voice, and the pit of anxiety in your stomach immediately turns into irritation instead. “No,” you grit out, slamming your potions book shut to scowl at him. “And I don’t hear you asking anything.”

“Okay,” Theo says slowly, nodding as though he understands. It’s clear that he doesn’t though, because the next words out of his mouth have you stunned. “Please, oh please, will you do me the absolute greatest honour of going out with me?”

”Merlin,” you exhale, pinching the bridge of your nose. Dropping your hands into your lap, you see no solution other than gathering your things to return to the common room. “You’re having me on…”

“I can assure you, I’m not,” Theo says quickly, stopping you from leaving by gently grabbing your elbow. You stop in your movements to catch him looking more unsure than you’ve ever seen, and you’ve never been more perplexed. “I’m completely serious right now. Go out with me?”

“Wh- I don’t even-” you sigh, cutting your senseless muttering off to cross your arms over your textbook. “Whatever happened to a simple ‘no’ sufficing, darling? Aren’t there a million other girls for you to go and pester? Godric knows you’ve got an entourage following you half the- What are you looking at?”

Amazingly, Theo’s expression has lost all trace of vulnerability and now displays a slightly faraway look, his signature lazy grin in full effect. “Sorry, I didn’t hear a word after you called me ‘darling’.”

Resisting the urge to hit him over the head with your textbook, you take a deep breath and grasp the potential weapon tighter in your hands before speaking. “As hard as it is for me to believe that girls actually fall for this rubbish, your history with them shows that they do. Don’t think for a second, I’m going to let you use me like they do.”

Theo considers your words for a few seconds, mulling them over as carefully as though he’s trying to solve a brain teaser. Eventually, he seems to come to a satisfying conclusion, because he tucks his hands into the pockets of his trousers and tilts his head. “So you need me to prove I’m serious about this… and then you’ll say yes?”

“Oh, for the love of-” Huffing, you turn on your heal without saying another word and storm out of the library. Theo doesn’t follow you, allowing you to clear your head and think about the incredibly odd interaction.

You’re climbing through the portrait hole into the Gryffindor common room when you realise you never actually refuted Theo and his theory to make you go out with him. Whether or not it was on purpose, you can’t quite decide.

Over the next few weeks, you start wishing you had stopped Theo before he could start trying to prove himself to you.

You can’t go a single day without the question of going out with him popping up. Much to your bewilderment, it isn’t always him asking. Sometimes it’s his friends, sometimes it’s students at the Gryffindor table who are sick of the multiple owls every morning flocking to your table with a note in their beaks. Sometimes it’s even your friends.

“I mean, really,” Hermione says at breakfast, huffy as always when reprimanding someone. “It’d be benefiting everyone if you just went out with him. Why don’t you, anyway?”

“He’s a Slytherin,” Ron butts in, talking to Hermione as though he’s explaining something to a child. He takes a gigantic bite of his toast before speaking, his next words coming out muffled. “Surely that’s reason enough.”

“No, that isn’t reason enough,” Hermione says sternly, furrowing her brows. “A good reason would have been all the girls he’s always with. Of course, that’s flown out the window recently. He’s also never given them as much attention now that I think about it.”

“He’s definitely not the worst of the group either,” Harry adds, leaning in as nosily as Ron. “Not like we’re talking about Malfoy…”

“Don’t you two have Quidditch tactics to be discussing?” you snap, exhausted by the subject already. The two boys hold up their hands in surrender, before shuffling down the bench. Whether that’s to be closer to the Quidditch team, or to get away from you before you start throwing hexes - you aren’t certain.

The fact you’re awake early in the morning on a Saturday isn’t helping your sour mood, and the Quidditch match being between Gryffindor and Slytherin only adds to this.

“We’d better go and get a good seat at the front, so we aren’t on our tiptoes for the whole game like last time,” Hermione says, already sliding off the bench. You give your cup of coffee one last longing look before you allow yourself to be dragged away.

You haven’t even made it onto the Quidditch pitch before you’re already wishing for that cup of coffee to give you strength, because you find none other than Theo standing outside the Great Hall in his green and silver Quidditch robes.

As soon as he spots you, Theo plasters on that charming smile of his and opens his mouth, no doubt to ask you if you could talk privately.

Hermione interjects before he gets the chance. “Don’t bother, I’m leaving.” She simply sighs when you look at her, betrayed. “He’d have convinced you anyway! I’ll save you a seat.”

You watch her leave, helplessly before turning to Theo and crossing your arms. “Yes?”

“I have a proposition for you,” he says simply, getting to the point. The proposition has, without a doubt, got something to do with you and him and a trip to Hogsmeade, but you gesture for him to continue nonetheless. You can’t deny it’s been entertaining watching Theo come up with new ways to ask you out these past few weeks. “I’ll throw the match and let your lot win if you go out with me.”

This startles a laugh out of you, something between a chortle and a gasp. “Oh, you cheeky bastard,” you exclaim, but you can’t help grinning. That was quite possibly the last thing you expected him to say. “First of all, I think my lot is perfectly capable of winning on their own. And secondly… as funny as it would be, I’d rather not have your death and Malfoy’s subsequent imprisonment in Azkaban be on my conscience.”

You only realise just how wide your smile is when it starts to fade under Theo’s unwavering gaze. His lips twitch up into a smile and you immediately frown as an automatic response. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You’re bantering with me,” Theo says, grinning as though he’s extremely pleased with himself. You realise with a jolt, that yes you were bantering. “One step closer to agreeing to go out with me.”

“That’s not happening,” you protest, but it sounds fairly weak, even to you. “Like I keep telling you, I’m not going to be one of those girls.”

Theo shrugs. “And I think you already know you’re not one of those girls. It’s fine, I can wait.”

The relaxed manner in which he says this has you flabbergasted to say the least. Truthfully, you aren’t completely sure why you haven’t just agreed at this point. No one in the whole school is used to witnessing such extravagant displays from Theodore Nott, so you’ve accepted the fact you’re an outlier in this particular subject area. You’re starting to think Hermione’s right, and it’s pure stubbornness that’s keeping you going.

“You’ll be waiting a long time then,” you say, giving Theo a bland smile.

“Nah,” is all he says, the smile still gracing his unperturbed face. “Keep an eye out for me in the Quidditch stands.”

Theo winks at you before walking away in the direction of the pitch and you linger in the castle for a good few minutes before snapping out of it and walking in the same direction.

You find Hermione quickly at the front of the Gryffindor stand and you’re about to ask how long until the game starts when Lee Jordan’s voice begins to boom from the commentator stand.

“Strong start for Gryffindor with Katie Bell taking the Quaffle and- nope, Vaisey’s taken it and passed it onto Urquhart, his fellow Chaser and the new Slytherin captain.” You’re thankful for Lee’s commentary as it’s easy to follow and you probably wouldn’t have a clue if it weren’t for him. Surprisingly, he keeps it professional enough for a while. “Ginny Weasley tries to take the Quaffle after a near hit there to Urquhart, thanks to new Gryffindor Beater Jimmy Peakes and that very solid Bludger over there. Unfortunately, he missed-”

“JORDAN.”

“Sorry, Professor McGonagall, I meant fortunately. Slytherin Chaser Mattheo Riddle now has the Quaffle and seems to be aiming to score and- oops! He’s missed, thanks to Gryffindor Keeper Ron Weasley. Good on you, Weasley,” Lee says, unable to be impartial as shown by McGonagall’s glare. “As for the Slytherin Keeper, Nott seems to be distracted by something in the Gryffindor stands. Or should I say someone.”

Laughter echoes in every stand, much to your utter humiliation and some people even start whooping and cheering in your direction. Theo’s antics are common knowledge at this point, but it doesn’t make the laughter any less embarrassing. You try and maintain a shred of dignity by standing still and glaring as hard as you can at Theo. Horrifyingly, he starts to fly in your direction.

Lee looks at McGonagall before speaking, but she merely shrugs helplessly, looking flustered herself. “Er, well it seems Slytherin are open for Gryffindor to score. No one seems to be taking advantage, however, as I think I can speak for everyone when I say we want to know what’s going on with Nott and Y/N.”

Glancing at the others, you realise Lee is right and all the players are hovering in place, making no move to continue the game. They look partly confused, but mostly nosy.

Theo stops just outside the Gryffindor stand, his attention focused wholly on you. You raise both eyebrows in question, waiting for him to speak. “Go out with me.”

“Unfortunately, I can’t quite hear what Nott is saying, but I think we can all guess he’s asking her out again,” Lee says, causing a few more cheers and even a couple groans. “Take the hint, mate.”

“Theo, get back to the game!” you hiss, wrapping your arms around you as if it’ll shield you from everyone’s eyes. “You’re embarrassing m- What the fuck are you doing!”

Theo swings a leg over the side of his broomstick so that he’s sitting completely facing you, legs dangling dangerously off one side. Lee sits up a little in his booth and McGonagall looks positively horrified. “For unknown reasons, Nott is balancing precariously in a position no Quidditch player wants to- Merlin, he’s hanging off his broomstick!”

Everyone in the crowd screams and shouts when Theo slips off his broomstick, but they quieten down and watch with fright when they see he’s still holding on with both hands. You think you’re going to faint.

“Theo,” you plead, with the same voice you’d use to coax a bloody kitten out of a tree. “Get back on your broomstick. Please.”

“Only if you go out with me,” Theo says, eyes determined despite breathing a little heavier. The broomstick is thin and despite his strength, it’d be hard for anyone to maintain a grip for long. “Say you’ll go out with me and I’ll get back on.”

“Just say it!” Hermione grabs you by the shoulder to shake you.

Professor McGonagall seems to have shaken out of her previous daze and begins scrambling around for her wand while Lee narrows his eyes to better assess the situation. “Godric, Y/N. Just say ‘yes’ and end everyone’s misery already.”

“But…” you trail off, hands shaking as you keep your eyes on Theo’s white knuckles still gripping the broom. “I don’t want to encourage this stupid behaviour.”

Theo rolls his eyes as though he can’t believe you’re still objecting. He shakes his head at you, though his chest is shaking with laughter. “Go out with me, and I swear I’ll never do anything stupid again. Fucking hell, I’ll quit Quidditch altogether if you want.”

You open your mouth to say something, you’re not sure what, but before you can get a word out, Seamus Finnigan pipes up from beside you. “Personally, I say let him fall off the bloody thing.”

Tutting, you turn to Theo just to find the idiot raising an eyebrow challengingly. His left hand begins to loosen on the broomstick, deliberately.

“Theo, don’t you dare.”

He drops his left hand completely and you scream, the noise drowned out by everyone else’s yells.

“OKAY!” you yelp, heart in throat as you watch Theo dangling from his broomstick with one hand, clearly struggling. “Okay, I’ll go out with you, you stubborn idiot!”

The Gryffindors that hear you, begin to cheer, setting off the other houses and once McGonagall sees Theo begin to pull himself up on his broomstick, she visibly relaxes, slumping in her seat as she clutches her chest. Lee soon gets the message. “Finally, after a good month of watching Nott pine pathetically, Y/N has agreed to go out with the poor bast- Er, beggar. Sorry, Professor. By the way Nott, you’ve got detention for a week.”

Now sitting normally on his broomstick, Theo grins at you like the cheeky bastard that he is, with elation clear as day on his face. You struggle to fight off your own grin and you can tell by his expression you’re not doing a very good job at it. “Pull something like that again and I’ll push you off your broomstick myself,” you warn him, though it lacks any real threat. You were more worried than angry, and it definitely shows. “Okay?”

“No more stupid behaviour,” Theo promises, sounding sincere as he nods, messy hair falling into his eyes. The wind blows it out of the way almost immediately and you find yourself wanting to do it with your fingers. “After this, though.”

You furrow your brows as Theo flies close enough to the Gryffindor stand to get off his broomstick and hop right into the crowd, landing next to you. Broomstick in hand, Theo doesn’t take his eyes off you when he holds it out to Hermione. “If you don’t mind, Granger.”

Clearly baffled, Hermione gingerly takes the broomstick from him and watches the two of you, as enraptured as the rest of the school.

You face Theo properly, looking up at his eyes to see them glittering with pride and achievement. You tilt your head in question, wondering why he hasn’t yet returned to the game.

Theo answers you by gripping your waist to pull you into a stupidly dramatic, dizzying, wonderful kiss. His lips are soft against your own and cold from the wind, but the shiver that runs down your spine has nothing to do with the temperature and everything to do with the way Theo is pressed against you.

You could go on forever, but the cheers and claps and hollering around you remind you that you’re surrounded by all your peers and, Godric, your teachers.

Pulling away, you clear your throat and attempt to gain back some of your dignity by keeping a serious face. Theo attempts nothing of the sort as he’s still wearing a silly grin. You try and avoid his eyes for the sake of your nerves and you mutter the first thing that comes to mind. “Erm, good luck then. I hope you win.”

This is the wrong thing to say surrounded by your fellow Gryffindors as a few of them boo at you.

Theo rolls his eyes at the dramatics, while you simply scowl, pointedly at Seamus who seems to have boo’ed the loudest. Hermione is beaming at you when she hands Theo back his broomstick, though she also gives a little frown directed at Seamus.

Getting back on his broomstick, Theo hovers near you outside the stand. You lower your voice to a whisper that only he can hear. “I still hope you win.”

Theo shrugs, looking more relaxed than you’ve ever seen him during a Quidditch game. “I’ve already won, darling.”

© angelfic 2023.

[cevans-is-classic]

18+ Only. Warnings: Semi-sexual content, language, reference to violence.

My very first Homelander fic! If you'd like to read more of my stuff, read on.

Masterlist One

Masterlist Two

Masterlist Three

Part Two: Listen To Me

He’s frustrated

He clenches his fists until the seams feel tight — ready to burst. 

Every word that comes out of Deep’s mouth brings him closer to burning right through his stomach. 

This should have been over. 

All of it.

 Everyone should be on their fucking knees for him. This whole goddamn place belongs to him — he is in charge. 

Something twists into his chest, a swelling feeling choking him. His lungs felt tight, straining with every slow breath he tried to take. They’re going to pop. His lungs are going to explode. Way to discover how he can die, don’t ya think? 

The Great Homelander — killed by his fucking lungs. 

“- I don’t think that. I know it.” Sage’s voice dragged him out of his head. At least as out of his head as he can get. 

“Homelander-” 

“Shut up. Shut the fuck up!” He hisses between clenched teeth. He felt small and cold, wishing he had someone to hang on to. 

Which frustrated him more — and left him feeling wrong inside. 

He shouldn’t want to hang on to anyone. He’s the world’s greatest Superhero. There is nothing he can’t do, nowhere he can’t go yet now everything is Up in flames.

He needs to focus on the fire and watch the smoke choke out the weak-minded assholes. 

“This is over. Done.” Everyone looks at him. He hears Ashley’s heart beat faster, skipping when his eyes turn to hers. Sweat Collects at her temple, dripping from her God-awful wig. 

Burn it off. 

He could. 

Laser her from the fake roots and down. He’d love to watch her face melt around the heat, brain matter leaking onto the floor. That might make him feel better.

On a spin, he turns away from them. His quick steps are loud in the large room. He leaves, not bothering to close the door behind him. 

The council room falls away behind him. Each step slaps against the floor. Each step, every push from his heel to the balls of his feet drags heavier, weighing down the urge to fly. 

Voices murmur through the Walls, his eyes catching employees huddled around desks and one coupling in a closet. 

He stops at his door. 

Home. 

What’s fucking home? The place that tortured him, that created him where he realized he wasn’t real; that John wasn’t real. 

This should be his home. Right here. It holds his bed, his clothes, and his secret stuffed animal. 

It should be Ryan’s home, too.

If Ryan is there. 

His son, who would rather run to Butcher — a fucking piece of shit — than be with his father. 

Home? 

Who the fuck knows what that is?

A light flickers in the back of his mind, the reminder of fingers in his air and a crooning voice on the radio. 

His frustration flares in his chest. He’s trying to remember the address — the memory hazy, lost in the clouds. 

Should he change his clothes? 

A red shirt with a navy blue jacket, jeans that squeezed his crotch, and a baseball hat. 

Home.

-

The door still had your stupid sign hanging from the same hook. It is a piece of wood painted black with blood splatter words announcing a ‘haunting’ inside. He stared at it for an hour the first time he stood at your doorstep. He ordered you to get rid of it.

You snorted and rolled your eyes. 

The doorbell is broken, no sound signaling it’s gone off no matter how many times he pushed it.

Homelander knocks after he breaks the glowing button. 

Grinding his teeth, he impatiently raps his knuckles against the wood.

He hears movement. 

Homelander knocks harder. 

He squirms where he stands, shifting from foot to foot. A tingle of anxiety trickles down his chest.

“Dammit, where are — oh.” that’s what he came for. 

Your voice.

His raps went faster. One, two, three until a line cracks the wood when he brings his fist down. That stops him, and the shuffling he hears behind the door.

“Alright,” it swings open, “Fucking hell, dude.” 

The smell of weed rolled from the house, clogging his nose. 

You pause, looking up at him. Your eyes are red, drooping as your head tilts to the side, eyebrows raised into your hairline. It’s been months, maybe a year, since he’s been here. It was before the shit show that was Soldier Boy; he remembers that. 

Your hair is different. 

“Fancy seeing you here.” You leaned against the door, propping it with your foot and resting your temple against it. You play with your hair, wrapping it around a finger before tugging and letting go.

“Yes.” He steps forehead. Your other hand coming up to take a drag keeps him still.

The smoke puffs in his face when you release it.

“Come on,” You don’t wait for him to follow, turning around and walking back into the house, “You’re always welcome here.”

Every sentence you say has an edge—something that makes his skin itch. He wants you to talk to him with respect. He should punish you for the attitude and sarcasm and keep you from ever speaking again.

He’s the Homelander. Who are you to treat him this way? 

The living room is unfamiliar. The couches are new and the set up rearranged. There are blankets and pillows scattered around the room. One deep red one hanging over the back, three pillows nestled into the edges of the couch. Another blanket, a soft black, hangs on the arm. 

A group of pillows rests on the floor, stuffed animals tucked into between them. There’s an open spot in the middle made for sitting. 

Tossed over the coffee table is another blanket.

This one is familiar. 

Another red blanket that Homelander knows feels amazing on his skin. 

“What can I do for you, John?” 

He never hears that name.

Except, he heard it from the doctors. From the ones who watched him from behind glass, who pressed buttons and laughed at his pain. 

Doctors he left to rot in the bad room.

You’d settled on the couch, feet curled beneath you. His eyes track your shorts as they curl up, showing the edge of your underwear. 

His mouth dries. 

“I-” You move, dropping one leg to the floor and stretching the other leg out. 

He aches to crawl into the space and curl up, let you stroke his hair, and call him your good boy. 

“Come here.” That drags a gasp from him, his feet moving without thought. 

The couch is deep and warm, and his knees sink into the cushions. You spread your legs more, bending your knee to cradle his back. 

“I saw you on TV.” There it is.

The voice he needs. 

He’ll swear he sees the magic swirl in the air when your words leave your mouth. It tickles his ears and dives into him to wiggle into place around his brain. It grounds him 

One sentence has his mind slowing down. The ever-spinning thoughts froze for the first time in a long time.

“Yeah?” He tucked his feet into the crease of the couch. 

“Hey, shoes off, Mister.” You popped the side of his head.

He toes them off. 

“You were in a commercial. I didn’t quite pay attention. I focused on you only. You did an amazing job, and your smile was breathtaking. You know what, though?” The hand you slid into his hair stopped. A sharp tug pulled his head back.

Oh no.

“What?” 

“You’re selfish.” 

Homelander whimper. 

He is inherently selfish. 

A selfish man who takes and takes and takes. 

They raised him, no they created him to do. Take the pain, endure the hunger, sit the silent nights with nothing but his thoughts. 

Your fingers move from his hair down his neck, over his shoulders to rest on his arm. He focused on the heat from your hand, the weight of it. It holds him down and makes his stomach loosen. 

He presses closer to you. 

You smell the same. Musky, heady, acidic. It’s uniquely you, a smell he could pick out anywhere. 

He thinks of burying his face between your legs. To lick the taste until it coats his mouth and stains his teeth.

It’s his favorite. 

“You always want things. Always need more.” The drop of your voice made his back straighten. “Did you come to me to be selfish, John?”

Did he? 

He did. 

He wants to stop being Homelander. He wants to be  — he wants—to be John. 

John is a real person  

Homelander is not. 

Homelander is a god. 

“Yes.” Always answer honestly, John, “I did.” 

You hum, repeating the stroking pattern. His hair, his neck, his shoulder, and starts again.

He hones in on the movement — how he turns into butter in your hands. 

Your voice washes over him, rolling him on the waves to drag him down. It’s warm, flowing into his chest, heated, liquid fire that wraps around. 

“Look how sweet you are.” That rocks him, spinning his mind. It mixes with his blood. The flames cause sparks to tingle his fingers, making his knees weak. His toes curl, pressing deeper into the couch.

You’re whispering over him, hand following the same path repeatedly. It makes his stomach warm, kindling the fire in his lungs. He slows his breathing, feeling his heartbeat calm. 

There’s still a rocking feeling in his head. It sways him back and forth and makes his eyes water. 

He feels safe. 

Your hand pauses, and he whines, pitiful, a pitched noise that grates his ears. When your leg moves, he turns around, sliding his hand beneath your body to wrap around you. His other arm curled up, tucking under his chin to rest his weight on you. 

You chuckle, “Baby boy.” 

Your leg moves again, sliding between his. Your knees press into his thighs.  

Homelander folds his leg at the knee. He nestles into your chest, his nose sliding along your neck. When your hand moves to his knee, fingers loosely holding his leg. 

He can feel your pulse, the rush of your blood. You breathe beneath him.

In and out.

It’s your source of living and powers your ability to whisper in other ears to make them feel.

He wonders what you’d sound like choking to death. 

It’d be easy for him to slide his hand up, dig his fingers into your throat, and watch your eyes bulge; veins bursting, tears streaming down your face. You wouldn’t be able to control him then. He’d never grapple with the fact he let you control him. 

The only person he gives himself to. 

He hates you. 

He’s lying

You kiss his forehead, a press of your lips. His heart skipped, stomach flipping. It is rare for you to kiss him. To feel your lips against him, moving with him. He’s seldom allowed to lick your words from your mouth. 

He has to earn kisses.

His core heats, sending flames down his thighs. He bites back a groan but presses himself closer to your leg. You hum again, a lower noise, letting out a sigh that dampens his hairline. 

The groan he let out was impossible to fight. 

He wants to take your breath away, suck the air from your lungs. You should only breathe for him, into him. You belong to him. 

“Want to tell me why you’re upset, Baby boy?” 

Yes.

 He shakes his head. 

“John,” your voice is sharp, sticking, icy, dripping into his ears, “What have I told you?” 

He flinches. “Liars are bad boys.” 

“Exactly. Now, do you want to talk about it?” 

The ice floods his veins. “Everything is going wrong. It’s all falling apart and I’m losing control. Every step I take is wrong, crumbling the fucking world around me. Sage is a bitch. Deep is a useless fucking idiot. I found out A-train is fucking us over. The only thing that resembles a good thing is when the ridiculous Firecracker woman revealed she’s lactating.” 

He catches his breath and opens his mouth, but stops and whines into his arm.

You gently shush him.

��Tell me about that.” Your nails scratch his ear, squeezing his lobes with a soft tug. “Did you feed from her? Suck her dry? I bet you latched on quicker than a newborn and suckled until there was nothing left. I bet,” Your voice changed, turning softer, “She murmured sweet nothing at you and cradled you. Praise you.”

Every word has his head spinning. The memory of being wrapped in Firecracker’s arms flickered to life. He could feel her nipple between his teeth, the way she rocked him back and forth. He drank for what felt like a lifetime. 

Craves more. 

“Answer me, John.” 

He notches his hips and rocks them against your leg until you’re pinching his ear and moving out of the way. He whimpers, lips trembling, his cock aching and heavy between his legs. His hips jerk forward again, searching for your leg, for the cushion, anything to give him friction. 

“Selfish boys don’t deserve to be hard.” The ice returns. It freezes him, numbing his fingers. His eyes burn, tears threatening to fall. 

He wants the warmth back. 

“Yes. Yes. I was selfish. I took until there was nothing left and have every night since. I’m sorry. I’m selfish.” He curls in on himself, tucking his legs as close to his body as he can. 

“Oh Baby boy,” It comes out smooth like silk. It drapes across his body. 

He rocks back with a moan. 

“I’m not angry, John.” It spread along him, reaching for his hands and tucking around his body. 

It’s almost drowning him.

“You’re not?” His voice is small. His mind slowed, the thoughts scattered around like blocks knocked over sliding into a box.

He thinks of sitting in the middle of his floor, legs crossed, looking out his window, and thinking of grass beneath his feet. It reminds him of the times they’d bring him outside. The rare times they allowed him to run as fast and as far as he could. The first time he flew, flying higher and higher until he swore he’d break the sky. Such few memories make him happy.

The memories he has, the ones that spin in his mind? They’re tinged gray, dark, painted in shadows. They’re all a time in his life when he realized they made him to be a tool for someone else. 

He remembers a time before he was The Homelander, Vought’s golden boy: the most powerful superhero. 

“No, Baby Boy. You sought pleasure. Why would I ever be angry about that? I want you to tell me the truth, Sweetheart. Good boys don’t tell lies, do they?” 

“No.” You laugh and it sinks into him until he lets go and floats.

You’re the only thing he can feel, smell, hear, hell, even taste. Your arms are his haven. Your voice is his drug, A secret addiction. 

This is his escape and he’ll return to it anytime he wants. Anytime he needs it. 

It’s why he keeps you safe.

Keeps you away from everyone. 

I mean, he thinks, that’s what I’m supposed to do, right? Save the fucking people.

“How are you feeling?” 

“Warm.” It slurred, slipping off his tongue with ease. He tastes the sweet flavor of a milkshake on his tongue. 

You chuckle again, moving your leg back down for him to rest against. He waits for his cock to ache again, to thrust forward and fuck against you 

That urge is gone.

He wants to fall asleep and listen to you murmur above him. Would you sing to him? Something he doesn’t know, but every word makes sense because it’s coming from you. 

“Will you sing to me?” 

“Of course.” Your chest rumbles, his eyes growing heavy.

He listens to the words, rolling off your tongue to drape over him. He settles into it, sinking deeper and deeper until he’s cacooned. Your singing dragging him beneath the surface to float away.

[specialagentlokitty]

Eddie Diaz x Daughter!reader - so much time

Hi, now I can try my request again. 😉 So, do you think you can write about Eddie's daughter? She thinks her father only takes care of her little brother Christopher. Keyword: distance father-daughter... Until one day she needs Eddie's help... Thanks ☺️ - Anon 💜

Tossing your jacket on, you walked through the living room and leant down, kissing your brothers head.

“See you later bud.”

“You’re leaving?” He asked.

You nodded your head.

“Got plans sorry Chris, am sure you and dad will have fun though.”

You headed to the door and pulled your shoes on, double checking your phone as you grabbed your keys.

“You’re really not coming with us?” Eddie asked.

Looking up at your dad, you pocketed your keys and phone.

“Got plans.”

With that you left and you made your way to the mall to meet your friends.

You guys wondered in and out of shops, and you were standing by one of the food places sipping the drink in your cup as you watched your friends messing around.

Laughing, you shook your head and nudged your other friend.

“Stop them before they get hurt Ryan.”

“Alright, alright.” He laughed.

He walked over to pull the other two boys apart and you heard your phone chime, so you pulled it out to read the message.

Dad: there’s plenty of food if you want to swing by the station.

Rolling your eyes, you typed your reply.

You: no.

Pocketing your phone again, you looked up at the three boys standing in front of you with their arms crossed.

“You’re dad?” Tom asked.

You nodded.

“Forget it, you don’t need him. You got us!” Kyle grinned.

Laughing you walked over and they surrounded you as you all began to wonder once more, just heading in and out of shops.

You had been invited to the meal at the 118 along with your dad and brother but you didn’t see the point in going.

It wasn’t like he was going to miss you anyways, he hardly noticed you were there as it was so you didn’t bother putting effort into someone that wasn’t going to put the effort in with you, regardless if it was your own father or not.

You preferred going out with the guys, they were like your brothers at this point and they did everything with you, they took you to movies and dinners, played games with you and helped you with homework.

They did everything your dad should’ve been doing.

The day was going great, you were standing on by the railing, waving to your friends who were racing up the escalators.

The following week, you skipped another invitation to go to the 118 and instead you and all your friends from school went to a small lake to go ice skating.

“Is this even safe?” You laughed.

“Yeah! Come on it’s frozen solid!” Clara laughed.

Laughing with you, you stepped on to the ice taking her hands in yours and you began to skate around with them.

The boys played hockey, and the girls just skated around, sometimes cutting through the game to annoy the boys.

You skated around, and you stopped when someone called your name.

“Your dads calling you!” Tom called.

“Oh… I guess bring my phone here?”

You went to move by when you did something went wrong.

You heard a loud crack and you slowly looked down.

“No! No!”

Tom quickly stopped and looked at you, and you stared at the cracked ice before looking at him.

“It’s cracking…” you whispered.

“What do we do!?” He yelled.

“Answer the phone! Tell me dad!”

You didn’t know who else to call, your dad was calling you now and it was the fastest way to get help, so Tom did

Eddie nearly dropped his phone and he jumped up.

“Eddie?” Bobby asked.

“My daughters on a frozen lake and it’s cracking!”

“Let’s go!” Bobby barked.

The whole crew rolled out, trying to get there as fast as possible and all your friends were stood nearby, trying to keep you calm.

Tears ran down your face, and the ice slowly kept cracking.

“Hey! Hey they’re here!” Someone yelled.

You all turned to the edge of the ice where the firefighters were slowly making their way across, your dad faster than anyone.

He stopped a few feet in front of you and he scanned the ice.

“Alright, okay hold on, okay? We’re going to help you, I promise.”

You breathed heavily.

“I’m scared…”

“I know… I know… just hang in there.”

You slowly nodded your head and they tried to figure out how the were going to help you.

Bobby stepped forward.

“I need you to lay on your stomach for me okay, nice and easy.”

“I can’t…”

“(Y/N), look at me, look at me.”

You looked at your dad, and he slowly lowered himself to his stomach.

“Just like that okay? It’s going to be okay I promise you.”

“I can’t dad…”

“You can okay? I know you can.”

You slowly lowered yourself down, getting in your knees then you laid on your stomach and the ice cracked a little more.

“Your dad is going to slowly come over, when you can reach his hand we need you to grab it alright?” Hen asked.

You nodded your head.

Eddie slowly began to move forward, and when he was close enough he reached out his hand and you hesitated, staring at it.

“Trust me…” he whispered.

Slowly you reached out, your fingers wrapping around his wrist and he did the same, and in one smooth motion his team grabbed him and hauled him back away from the cracked ice.

Everyone was quickly ushered from the ice, and you and Eddie were the last two to leave and you were trembling.

“(Y/N)!”

Your friends all surrounded you, hugging you tightly and comforting you.

“Hey can we give you a quick check?” Chim asked.

You nodded and pushed through your friends to sit at the back of the ambulance while Hen and Chim gave you a check over.

Eddie stood nearby, leaning against the fire truck as he watched.

“You’re all good, though you lot should probably all put on jackets.” Hen said.

There was a chorus’ of no amount all the teenagers making everyone laugh.

You looked at your friends then looked at your dad and you stood up, walking over to him.

“Thank you…”

Reached out, you gave him an unsure hug.

Eddie immediately hugged you back, holding you tightly as he took a deep breathe and you hugged him back just as tight.

You had spent so much time avoiding him and not doing anything with him because you felt he didn’t care, you didn’t know how much you really needed a hug from him.

And Eddie didn’t realise how much you had grown.

He’d spent so much time worrying about Christopher and looking after him, somewhere along the lines you had grown up.

And he realised he had been missing so much with you

[ironskyfinder]

When I first met Jackalynn, she was very confused about her place in the world.

The silly little girl was going by Jaden, had cut all her beautiful hair off, was wearing a binder to hide her beautiful hourglass figure, and was outwardly militant about ‘becoming’ a ‘man’.

She messaged me - seemingly furious that I would run a blog that openly advocated for female disempowerment, misgendering, and ‘transphobia’, but I could tell there was something deeper going on, and before long, she said something that gave away far more than she’d wanted me to know.

jadensjourney [11:24PM] I just can’t believe that you would knowingly post such filth. It boggles the mind that anyone would think it’s okay in the slightest to make such a toxically degrading concept so arousing. And you defend it without the slightest thought?!

trad-dominant [11:25PM] I post it because it’s filth that people enjoy, and I defend it for that reason and because it’s my artistic right to do so.

trad-dominant [11:25PM] So it’s filth that you enjoy, too?

jadensjourney [11:26PM] Our definitions of the word ‘artist’ are very different

jadensjourney [11:27PM] No, no, NO. I didn’t say that, you psycho

jadensjourney [11:27PM] What is WRONG with you?!

trad-dominant [11:29PM] You said it “boggles the mind that anyone would think it’s okay in the slightest to make such a toxically degrading concept so arousing,” which certainly implies that you found it arousing.

jadensjourney [11:30PM] No!! 

jadensjourney [11:31PM] Okay, but, that wasn’t what I meant and you know it

jadensjourney [11:32PM] What I ACTUALLY MEANT was that you’re a degenerate for even trying to make such disgusting topics into erotica

trad-dominant [11:34PM] Maybe I am a degenerate, but at least I’m honest with myself about what I like. I could help you with that, if you’d lose the attitude and admit it.

jadensjourney [11:37PM] Fuck you.

It wasn’t the first time I’d had readers reach out to berate me, and it wouldn’t be the last. I thought that was the end of it, and went back to writing. I felt like I was making good progress, so I stayed up later than usual, until another chat notification interrupted me.

jadensjourney [1:17AM] I admit it

jadensjourney [1:19AM] now what?!

trad-dominant [1:21AM] What?

jadensjourney [1:23AM] I thought it was a little erotic. Your story. So what?

trad-dominant [1:25AM] So you’re starting to be honest with yourself, that’s all that means

jadensjourney [1:26AM] Shut up, fuck you

trad-dominant [1:27AM] You don’t need to be aggressive, you’re judging yourself for liking it far more than I am.

trad-dominant [1:29AM] So, which part of the Little Miss Thought-She-Was-A-Boy story turned you on most?

jadensjourney [1:33AM] no I’m not

jadensjourney [1:34AM] judging myself

jadensjourney [1:36AM] stop it

trad-dominant [1:37AM] It took you all that time for just seven words? You must be typing one-handed, were you reading the story again?

jadensjourney [1:41AM] yes 

jadensjourney [1:43AM] the part where he’s cockwarming ryan and they’re doing anatomy

jadensjourney [1:44AM] That’s the best part

trad-dominant [1:47AM] I have to point out that Sam is a girl, I know you and her both struggle with that

trad-dominant [1:48AM] But, I agree, that is a great scene. 

jadensjourney [1:50AM] fine

jadensjourney [1:51AM] the part where SHE’s cockwarming ryan.

jadensjourney [1:53AM] where’d you come up with the paintbrush thing?

trad-dominant [1:54AM] Personal experience. 

trad-dominant [1:54AM] Holding a girl down and slowly tracing through all her erogenous zones with a brush is something that never gets old.

jadensjourney [1:55AM] crazy

jadensjourney [1:56AM] It’s only a tease?

trad-dominant [1:57AM] It is, although you have to be careful brushing around her clit, just in case

jadensjourney [1:58AM] i liked that most

jadensjourney [1:58AM] i mean

trad-dominant [1:59AM] Is that the part you were imagining happening to you?

trad-dominant [2:01AM] Having a stranger who picked you up at a bar overpower you, tease you mercilessly, and correct your gender?

I didn’t hear from her more that night; I assume she’d gotten embarrassed and deleted the chat. Most of the interactions ended like that - a confused girl reached out full of anger, then admitted how hot it was, then vanished. It didn’t bother me, but I was surprised when the next day I found a message waiting when I logged in.

jadensjourney [6:52AM] hey so fuck you but that last messsage you sent made me cum harder than I ever have in my human life and i passed out. sorry

It actually made me laugh aloud, between the reckless honesty and the charming turn of phrase. Few people had enough creativity or enough of a way with words to arouse my attention, but there was still the lingering combativeness from our earlier interaction. I sent the reply and assumed I’d never hear back.

trad-dominant [7:26AM] Fine, I suppose we can let that slide. If you keep cumming to my stories, though, you owe me your deadname real name.

I didn’t hear anything from her that night, or the one after, or the next. I expected to see her icon vanish one day, blog deleted. It was only after I published the next story, this time about a lesbian ruining her gold stars, that another two messages came through.

jadensjourney [9:52PM] three times. I hate you.

jadensjourney [9:54PM] and it’s jackalynn. 

From then on, whenever I posted a new story, Jackalynn and I talked. It started with her telling me how many orgasms she’d had while reading, but then we started talking more with each story. Over the following months, she confided that she was liking my stories more and more, and I told her if she sent a selfie of her all femme’d out that I’d write one with her as a main character. The story of ‘Jessie’s Fall Back to Femininity’ took a few days to finish, but when I posted it I saw that it had vanished.

Then - 

jackalynnsjourneyback [10:56PM] it’s me new blog. 

jackalynnsjourneyback [10:56PM] spent the last three days reading and re-reading jessica’s fall. i can’t think about anything else

jackalynnsjourneyback [10:57PM] so when i tell people i’m officially detransitioning do i blame it all on you, or?

trad-dominant [11:02PM] What a pleasant surprise! I thought you’d gotten cold feet, I guess I couldn’t have been more wrong.

jackalynnsjourneyback [11:04PM] yeah you brainwashed me back into being a girl or something 

trad-dominant [11:06AM] We both know I only reminded you that your clit exists, it did the rest.

jackalynnsjourneyback [11:07PM] uh, i think you did a little more than that!

trad-dominant [11:08PM] Not really, all I had to do was help your clit show you who you really wanted to be.

jackalynnsjourneyback [11:11PM] thanks for saying that, now i’m soaked again.

jackalynnsjourneyback [11:11PM] but you’re right, of course

jackalynnsjourneyback [11:12PM] i just can’t believe how hot jessie’s fall was, especially when she got fully corrected at the end

trad-dominant [11:13PM] You’re welcome. I thought you’d like it ending with her cumming from being impregnated.

jackalynnsjourneyback [11:14PM] and her repeating ‘this...is…what..i’m…for” is going to stick in my head forever

jackalynnsjourneyback [11:16PM] so are you gonna make me beg, or

trad-dominant [11:17PM] Probably, on principle, but I don’t know what you mean.

jackalynnsjourneyback [11:19PM] do it all to me

jackalynnsjourneyback [11:19PM] treat me like the professor treats jessica. tattoos and all

trad-dominant [11:20PM] For that, you’re definitely going to have to beg.

jackalynnsjourneyback [11:22PM] fuck

jackalynnsjourneyback [11:22PM] please

trad-dominant [11:25PM] You told me that in the last three and a half weeks you’ve edged for hundreds of hours, a lot of it to pretty misogynistic porn. We both know you know how to beg.

jackalynnsjourneyback [11:29PM] i deserve to have my silly gender fantasies corrected by someone who is going to take every advantage of me, i know i’m just holes and tits. please use me, sir

jackalynnsjourneyback [11:29PM] pierce my nipples, tattoo a qr code over my clit because i’m just property, and decide what else you want done to my body. 

jackalynnsjourneyback [11:30PM] please make me your jessica. take me in, break me down, make it so i lose my mind when you breed me

trad-dominant [11:36PM] That is better. Hmm.

Three weeks later, Jackalynn stepped off the plane; we talked the whole way back, her mind was made up. She wanted nothing less than to be reeducated, corrected, improved.

She’s getting her wish. Sometimes she still gets confused, but she’ll come and talk to me and a few minutes of intense anatomy practice always sorts out her delusions. Edging afterwards is helping her feel a lot better, and this will be her tenth straight day plugged - between that and the daily maintenance spankings, she says she’s never felt more feminine.

Now all that’s left is to breed her, and she’ll be the perfect woman she never dreamed she’d be.

[probably-writing-x]

Sun In The Storm - Part Two

Summary: Rafe as a toxic bf

Warnings: Toxic relationship, discussions of unhealthy eating habits, cursing

Author’s Note: I loveeee writing this concept <3 Let me know if you would like another part

~~~

You hadn’t seen Rafe for the past week, managing to avoid him. Well, perhaps avoiding him was an understatement - you were avoiding everyone. You hadn’t done much more than leave your room to go to the bathroom and go back. For the first couple of days, you hadn’t eaten either. Eventually, Topper had started coming up to your room and giving you food, leaving it on the nightstand if you were asleep, or sitting with you to make sure you ate it if you were awake.

Today, he’d brought up your food and was sat on the edge of your bed with you.

“Okay, so, it’s been five days,” Your brother points out, “Ready to see the outside world yet?”

“I’ll have you know I have a great view out of this window,” You comment, taking a bite of the sandwich in your hand.

“Sarah’s having a party tonight, and I think you should come,” He explains, watching your face shift slightly in concern before he says, “Rafe’s not going to be there, she already told me that.”

“I don’t-“

“(Y/N), you’re my sister and I love you, but please don’t stay in your room any longer,” Topper shakes his head, smiling at you, “I mean, seriously.”

You roll your eyes, “I’ll think about it.”

“You’re coming with me.”

~~~

He wasn’t wrong. You showered, changed out of your pyjamas, put on some makeup, and felt the most human that you had felt ever since you’d left Rafe’s last week. Topper tells you to find him at the party if you wanted to go home at any point, and reminds you three times that he wouldn’t be drinking anyway.

The party is full of people that you don’t know, and it’s a slight relief to know that not all of them would be desperate to ask about Rafe. But, then again, it didn’t ever take long for news to travel around this place.

You take a red solo cup of tequila and sprite and sip it quicker than you probably should, saying hi to the few people that come over to you. It felt like their eyes were on you more so than their interest - like they were waiting for you to break. For years now they had known you as a couple - you and Rafe. And, through everything, you always stuck with him. It felt odd to accept that it wasn’t the case anymore. And they were all waiting for the moment you got back together.

Eventually, you walk through to the lounge with another new drink in hand, where people are mingling in every corner. You take a deep breath and another sip of your drink, interrupted as someone comes over to you.

“So I hear you’ve caused quite the stir around here recently,” An unknown voice speaks from beside you and you turn to find a guy you’d never seen before.

He’s about six foot tall, dark brown curls floppy on his head and dark brown eyes, freckles darkening over his nose and cheeks.

“I’m Ryan,” He outstretches a hand to you.

“(Y/N).”

“So, from what I hear, you had a boyfriend, he was a bit of a dick, and you ended things,” He continues, “And now everyone’s looking at you like you’re a ticking time bomb.”

“Yeah, I guess that sums it up,” You force a smile, “I’m glad you managed to get the rundown before you met me.”

“Just taking notes so I knew what I had to contend with,” Ryan nods, a smirk dancing over his lips.

You don’t respond, taking another gulp of your drink. It’s stronger than you’d normally have and it already feels like the world is going a little fuzzy around the edges.

“So, now that I know you’re single, how about you go out with me some time?” He suggests, leaning sideways against the wall beside you, his figure towering over your frame.

“Oh, um,” You clear your throat, another sip of your drink, “I’m not really wanting to date anyone right now.”

He smiles like it was some sort of comfortable challenge before going on, “Well, you wouldn’t know unless you tried, would you? What’s the harm in trying?”

You go to respond as commotion seems to rise over the crowd of people at the party, everyone’s eyes flicking towards you and then back amongst themselves. That’s when you see him. Towering over the majority of bodies in the crowd, a face that made your heart clench. Rafe’s eyes fall on you instantly, and an anger seems to seep into his features.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” He bellows, storming over the length of the room towards you.

“Hey listen man I-“ Ryan begins.

“Shut the fuck up!” He returns, “Get away from her.”

With that, Rafe’s hand wraps around your forearm tightly, his eyes scanning over your face with wild fury like he’s checking for anything wrong.

“We’re leaving.”

Your words seem to fail you, incapable of focusing on anything else but the feeling of his fingers clenching around your skin. He keeps tight hold of you, pulling you through the crowd of people until the fresh air eventually hits you, and reality seems to too.

“Get off of me!” You raise your voice, tugging your arm away from his hold with no success.

“That guy is an asshole, (Y/N), you’re lucky I came home when I did,” Rafe confirms, “You shouldn’t be talking to him he-“

“Enough Rafe!” You pull your arm away once more and release yourself from his grip.

You stumble backwards just slightly with the force and Rafe’s features seem to settle into worry, softening almost.

“I don’t need you to do this. I don’t need you to pull me away from guys at parties, or drag me out of them for that matter, I don’t need any of that. I can take care of myself.”

“I’m not saying that you can’t but it’s my-“

“It’s not your job,” You interject, “It’s not your job anymore okay?”

His face drops completely then, any ounce of anger simply dropping to the floor around him. His shoulders fall too, their tension dissipating.

“(Y/N) this is ridiculous,” He drags a hand over his hair, “This isn’t us. We just need to talk about this and then we’ll sort it and-“

“Rafe please,” Your words come out as a whisper, wrapping your arms around yourself, “Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

He is silent, his brows furrowing as he watches you, refusing to take his eyes away.

“I need to go home,” You clear your throat, “I’m going to find Topper.”

“No!” Rafe interrupts quickly before you can turn away, “Don’t do that. I’ll drive you.”

“I-“ You pause for a second and scan his face, watching the way he looks at you like you’re everything in front of him, “Okay.”

The two of you walk towards his car and he hurries just slightly ahead to open the door for you. You couldn’t remember the last time he’d done it. You smile as a way of thanking him and sit silently in the passenger seat, your hands tucked together in your lap. He gets into the driver’s side and starts the engine, hand on the back of your chair to reverse out of the spot. You stay quiet, the air hanging heavy between the two of you. He doesn’t speak, instead turning up the volume on the radio just enough for it to be heard. It’s a Noah Kahan song, one from the playlist that you and Rafe shared.

No thing defines a man like love that makes him soft. And sentimental like a stranger in the park.

For a few moments, I see you.

You turn to look at him, his hands loose on the steering wheel, his eyes looking ahead at his headlights on the road. There’s a shadow cast over his face that seems to soften the harshness of his cheek bones, darkening the tired purple under his eyes. Part of him still felt like yours, you knew that as much as you didn’t want to.

All too soon, he turns to park in front of your driveway and shuts off the engine, only then turning his head to look at you.

“Did your parents have a good trip?”

You look at him for a second, swallowing the lump in your throat, “They’re still away. Their two week trip turned into four weeks, and I think there’s discussion about extending it again.”

“Really?” Rafe laughs a little, “Typical of them.”

You nod, laughing just slightly too, “Yeah, very typical.”

“Do you remember the first time they left after we got together? Your Dad had that camera installed at the front door so I had to climb through the window every time?” He smiles, “I think I got stuck in the bush one time.”

You laugh, “Yeah, I spent like an hour getting all of the twigs out of your hair. So high maintenance.”

“I’m high maintenance?” He puts a hand to his chest in mock-horror, “You have an entire cupboard of your stuff at my house, like more than I own I’m pretty sure.”

The silence falls between you again, a moment of realisation.

Rafe clears his throat, “I can get that stuff back to you if you need it.”

You shake your head, fiddling with a loose thread between your fingers, “No, it’s okay, it’s no rush.”

He pauses for a moment like he’s contemplating if the next words are a good idea or not, “It’s been weird not speaking to you the past few days. I’ve gone to text you or call you like every day and then realised I can’t. I even drove to your place on my way home two days ago, and just sat outside in my car.”

“Stalker.”

He laughs, scratching the back of his neck, “Yeah, maybe.”

When he moves his hand back down, you notice the bruises casting over his knuckles, wrapping over the bones. You reach out and grab his hand in yours, “What did you do?”

Rafe swallows thickly, “I just had some business to take care of.”

Instantly, his hand falls out of yours and you re-gather the ounces of yourself that you felt you had left, “I should go.”

Your fingers fumble to find the door handle and you push it open, stepping out of the car onto shaky legs.

“(Y/N)?” He leans over just slightly across the middle of the car, like he’s constantly drawn towards you, “I’m sorry.”

You inhale and exhale shakily, clenching and unclenching your fists, “Good night Rafe.”

~~~

The following morning, you’re up before the sun is, sure that you’d only got a couple hours of sleep. You shower until the water goes cold, you tidy up all of the discarded clothes from around your room, clean every inch of your bathroom, then go downstairs to do the same in the kitchen and every other room that followed. You’re in the lounge when the vacuum switches off and you turn around to see Topper stood against the doorframe.

“Do you mind turning into Cinderella after ten am next time, please?” Your twin brother frowns, arms folded as he watches you.

“Sorry,” You smile, “I couldn’t sleep.”

He walks over and sits on the arm of the nearest couch, “So I heard Rafe found you last night. What happened?”

You swallow the lump in your throat, “He saw this guy Ryan talking to me and he flipped.”

Topper shakes his head, “The guy acts like he owns you. What did you do?”

“We argued outside and then he drove me home.”

“He drove you?” Topper raises his eyebrows, “Are you fucking serious (Y/N)? I was right there, you should’ve come to find me!”

“It’s fine, Top, nothing happened. He drove me home, he left, that was all,” You defend, wheeling the vacuum across the floor towards him.

Topper seems to relax just enough, “Did he say anything?”

“Enough of the third degree please?” You shake your head at him, “Nothing happened, that’s all you need to know. I’m going over to his in a little bit to drop off his stuff, and then the door is closed, it’s done.”

“You know it gets harder to believe you every time you say it,” Topper jokes, “Need me to come as back up?”

“I can’t think of anything worse,” You roll your eyes, “You need a shower, you stink.”

~~~

When you turn up at Rafe’s house, his car is missing from the driveway. You walk up to the door and knock, stepping back.

“Hey!” It’s Sarah on the other side, “(Y/N), what are you doing here? I was just on my way out.”

Your hands feel a little clammy holding the shoe box in your hands, “Oh, sorry, I can come back another time. I just needed to bring these things for Rafe.”

“Oh, that’s okay,” She beams, “You can take them straight up to his room if you want, he’s not here. I’ve got to run but just lock the door behind you when you go, you know where the spare key is.”

You agree and she’s already hurrying off to leave before you step inside, the house eerie in its familiarity now that you were here without the crowd of people, and even more so without Rafe. Following the steps you’d taken a thousand times, you make your way up to Rafe’s room, the door just ajar. Everything is in its usual place, his bedsheets messy over the mattress, clothes across the floor, his laptop shut on the desk. You set the box down onto a flat part of his bed and that’s when you see it - on an empty spot on top of his chest of drawers. It’s a brown Nike shoe box with the first initial of your name written in Sharpie ink across the top.

Curiosity gets the better of you when you go over. Part of you expects to find all of the boring bits - a half used deodorant, a few tops you’d left here, the odd pair of socks, some of your makeup, all the typical bits. But there’s nothing like that.

There’s a golf pencil and scoresheet from one of your first dates, ticket stubs from movies you’d seen and the many times you’d caught the boat to the mainland, and a snow globe that he’d won you at a fair. Underneath that, like a bed for it all, is a mass of photos of the two of you.

You pick a bunch up and one falls back face down into the box. It’s then that you see the words written on the back - each photo marked with a song. There are ones of you from when you first got together, from your first Christmas as a couple, your first holiday together, each one of them paired with a song that reminded him of you two.

“You know it’s not good to go snooping through peoples’ stuff.”

You flinch at the sound and almost drop the photos in your hand, holding them a little tighter instead. When you turn around, Rafe is leaning against the open doorframe, his keys spinning around his finger.

“Sorry I just-“

“Came to drop off my stuff?” He points towards the box on the bed, “I haven’t got your stuff together yet.”

“What’s all this?” You look down to the box, setting the few photos back into their place.

Rafe smiles a little, “Just stuff from the last few years. I’m sentimental, what can I say?”

You swallow the lump in your throat, “There’s stuff in here from before we were even together, you’ve got everything. How did I not know you had all of this stuff?”

He shrugs his shoulders and walks over to you, taking the box in his hands and closing the lid over it, “Well, I realised that I just managed to keep things from our first dates and everything, and then I just decided to keep it all in one place. I thought it would be nice for a present one day, or to show our kids or something.”

Rafe takes the box and pushes it back into an empty slot at the top of his closet, stretching up to do so.

“What are you-“

“You broke up with me, you don’t get the privilege of my (Y/N) box,” He jokes, wiggling his finger at you.

There’s a lump in your throat that seems to strip you of any words until you say, “Why are you keeping it?”

“I’ll need to add more to it one day,” He shrugs his shoulders, “Would be stupid not to.”

As much as you hated to admit it, all of the bad seemed to disappear in these moments. All of the arguments and the bad days and the worst of your relationship seemed to dissipate. He’s your boyfriend again, the boy you’d chosen every day to love. And you believe him when he says he’d be adding more.

“Maybe not now, maybe not soon, but I’ll find a way,” He nods and it seems to convince you too, “Is that okay with you (Y/N)?”

[enchantedflameandflower]

Glimmer 34/? Billy Butcher!

- Butcher didn’t make a sound, sitting on the edge of the bed, facing away from her. “I can’t make you the promises you deserve, Addison.”

Notes: More angst! (but don't worry ;) I wrote this quite a while ago, fyi. The chapter I posted the tease of is coming up soon!

Chapter 1

Previous Chapter (33)

_____

Chapter 34

The clouds were thick outside with a summer storm and the room was dark as pitch. Addi was sound asleep but she woke up immediately when he came in the front door of her apartment. Billy strode straight to the bedroom, but stopped short of the bed, silent, a forbidding silhouette in the darkness.

She knew. “I can guess why you’re here, can’t I.”

It wasn’t a question; just another broken-hearted truth whispered in darkness between two abysmally broken people. She hadn’t seen him in more than a week and now she knew why.

Butcher didn’t make a sound, sitting on the edge of the bed, facing away from her. “I can’t make you the promises you deserve, Addison. I’m a right fuck-up. I’ve got nothin’ to give anyone.”

“Billy…” Addison sat up slowly, the blankets pooling in her lap. “I’ve never asked you to make any promises.”

“Yeah and what kind of shit relationship is that?”

“I don’t know. But I think it’s stupid to try and fit in some pre-determined movie-plot-romance box. That’s bullshit and it’s not real. Real is messy. You don’t get to decide what I want.”

“I’m a killer,” he grunted. “Psychotic.”

Addison watched him in the dark, even as her heart cracked inside of her chest. “That’s not what I see. I see when you want to do everything you can for Ryan despite what happened. I see how you want the world to be better for people that are innocent. I see when you’re scared. I see when you so badly want to make the wrong choice, but you can’t. I see when you look at me with so much love in your eyes I feel like I must be in a dream. I fucking love you, Billy, more than anything, and it’s not enough. I wish I knew some way to make you happy.”

“The last thing I fuckin’ need is someone else dependin’ on me. Someone else to let down. It’ll be better if - if it never knows me.”

“That’s not true, Billy. It’s not. I know it’s not.” Despite how much she hated it, Addison could feel her heart hardening again, feel herself turning to stone, her instincts fighting not to be hurt again, not to care about anyone. “Every time I feel like we might have a chance there’s something to pull us away from each other again.” Addison shook her head. “After everything we’ve been through...” Her voice was so low she didn’t know if he could hear her, but he hung his head in response. 

“You won’t ever be safe long as I’m around. Not from anyone. Not even from me.”

Fire flared inside of her, replacing everything soft he had made her want to feel this past year. “Butcher look at you. You’re fucking miserable. Why do you do this to yourself? This idea that you have in your head that you have to be perfect or you might as well be evil is just complete bullshit.” She wanted to reach out and shake him but she didn’t. 

“I can’t be around a kid. Any kid. You know I can’t.”

“I don’t know that! Not at all,” she huffed, letting the frustration take over so she wouldn’t feel any of the other emotions that were fighting to swell inside of her.

“Ya don’t get it,” he growled, still staring at the wall, refusing to look at her .

It was clear there was a shit ton more going on than he wanted to tell her, but she was fucking tired of his excuses when all she ever wanted was just him.

“Then explain it to me, Butcher.”

He was silent for one minute, debating maybe, before he spoke the words she could have never imagined. “I took Temp V. And I killed Gunpowder. Beat the shit out of him then lasered half his head off.”

Heavy, ice cold dread flooded through Addison’s body at the enormity of what he was admitting, of what he had done, the pain in his voice, and the malice in his words.

“What the fuck are you saying Billy. You lasered -…are you fucking crazy?”

He turned to look at her then, a cold sort of fire burning in his eyes. “Yeah I fuckin’ am, that’s what I’m tryin’ to tell ya.”

“I can’t believe you… Temporary V?” she breathed, her voice cutting with shock and dismay. “What the fuck were you thinking? What if it went wrong, what if you hurt someone innocent? Or killed yourself?”

“That’s why I ‘ave to go.”

“So you’re just gonna leave? Disappear? Like a right fucking asshole, huh?”

He clenched his fist, the room was brimming with tension now. “You’ve always known what I am. This was never going to work.”

“You’re gonna do it again…you’re gonna take it again, aren’t you.”

Addison turned away, anger and regret and fear surging through her. How could he… How could he do this now?

“Do you know what I would do to have never had that vile shit injected into my veins?” she asked, fury and disgust coloring her voice now. “Do you understand how much it’s going to fuck you up? And this is is what you want?” she spat.

“It’s what I got to do.”

“What about Ryan?”

“Ain’t gonna see him no more.”

That was the statement that hit her harder than anything else he had said so far. “Butcher, how could you?”

He didn’t answer and she was sure the pain that little boy must be feeling now was tearing him apart.

“After everything he’s been through you would just abandon him?”

“I don’t want nothin’ to do with him. Or you, or…it. You were just a good time. That’s all.” A shadow fell over him, but it only made her angrier.

Addison scoffed. “Oh you know what? Fuck you, Butcher. Fuck you. I know what you’re trying to do. It might’ve worked on Ryan, but it won’t work on me. If you want to leave just fucking leave. You don't have to bother trying to push me away.”

He stood up then and Addison flopped back to the bed, turning her back to him, but he paused when he reached her doorway. “I have to leave the country.”

“I don’t give a fuck,” she snarled. “Just leave. You’re free. Is that what you’re after? Go fuck up your life as much as you want. In fact, go fuck it up as much as you can. Don’t bother coming back after you’ve done it. It’s over. We’re over.”

She had enough clearance to look up what he was doing herself if it was above board. If not…well it wasn’t her business anymore anyway and she didn’t care.

They were both silent for another minute then he turned and took one step back toward the bed, for a second she thought he was going to come to her, give in, but he stopped and then he left.

His heart was pounding. It never beat that hard.

Addison ignored him, fighting every fucked up emotion coursing through her, wanting to just feel nothing and she blocked the sound of his heartbeat from her head for good.

___________________

Don’t worry. We know they aren’t really done. But for story purposes they both think they really are. Please leave a comment or reblog if you can! Thanks for reading :) ♥

Chapter 35

[lover-of-mine]

Boy what a day and it’s still going!

Things are not sunshine and daisies on the other side of the fandom line in my little corner. A lot of anger geared toward Ryan for being “an attention seeker” today. Trying to focus on the personal attacks against Ryan again and turn everyone against him because of the issues from the past. It’s like their go to at this point. It never works but they keep trying. But they are absolutely fuming he’s getting so much attention and love from everyone right now. They have spent so many weeks trying to paint him as this horrible person both in and out of show and it’s like a personal vendetta as everyone proves them wrong.

Also furious over the Ryan and JLH photo. It was supposed to be Lou and her after all. They just knew it would be happening. Why wouldn’t she have a photo with her on screen brothers boyfriend but then she had one with Ryan instead. (I think this has the added insult because everyone knows Lou was at the set for filming so not being shown still is not a good sign)

They are as I’m sure you’re aware trying to be positive about saying the over shirt Oliver had on for his Buck fit, is apparently an Italian material made flight jacket. Or that’s what’s being spread around anyway. And Making big emphasis on the Italian portion because Lou’s Italian and that means it’s meant to be. I suppose when you don’t have much to go with you fixate on the strangest things lol.

Which brings us to that whole ABC video. I’m not sure how it is in the groups the others are in but the few I’m in it’s a lot of just pretend it didn’t happen. The loud ones made such a stink the other day over the comment being pinned and re throwing in our faces that kiss video ABC shared and how it all proves endgame that now ABC making this video with Oliver and not showing Lou has them wanting to bring as little attention to it as possible since again those few loud ones are making them all look stupid. Because the same logic would essentially apply here. Only the buddie side would have more weight behind it since there has been so much buddie promo already for season 8 with the show, the cast, the crew, even the journalists and absolutely nothing from Lou/Tommy besides a couple random likes on instagram (where he still isn’t responding to anyone)

TikTok side the creator who made that video issued a formal apology video today. She basically blamed it on being in an unmedicated hypomanic state but says it’s not an excuse. She’s lost a lot of followers due to her video. She was almost at 18k when she originally posted the Tommy video and now she’s at 16.8k. She does mention she will be taking a step back from the fandom for a while and doesn’t know if she’ll be back and if she if it’ll be awhile and just sticking to recap videos. I’m not going to personally say if I believe it’s genuine or not but it’s out there for people to see if they want and make their own decisions. I do know that some of the more vocal BT fans are trying to use her apology videos as a “omg look what the bobs are doing now. Attacking this creator for making a video” and just removing all context surrounding the issue of course.

I will end this update by saying the more stuff we’ve gotten today the quieter they have gotten. Which to me is kinda unnerving but also kinda tracks. It’s hard to keep trying to launch a delusion narrative when you keep essentially getting whacked in the face by all the official channels repeatedly in such a short time period. I also think it’s starting to really sink in for at least some of the people that they can be as mad as they want but it’s not going to change the reality of the situation.

Hope things are calm for you, and personally hoping for some LW or GG insight. I’m dying to know what some of the others experienced from this wild day.

~🅰️

Hi darling ❤️

This was a RIDE. It just keeps going, oh my god lol I don't even know what to say tbh. The insistence on hating on Ryan that keeps continuously backfiring is actually so entertaining, it's like the more they hate on him, the more powerful he gets lately. I will say I did laugh hysterically for about 5 minutes when I saw the picture of Ryan and Jen because I remember the way they were saying Lou was gonna show up in a selfie with her and it was too funny. And the way that they chose not to use a picture with him when all the pics were from the medal ceremony was a choice....... I did look into the jacket, it is an Italian flight jacket but it's a green jacket and green on Buck is never a good sign, so I'm not worried on that front lol. The fact that some of them are just ignoring the video when they were rubbing the kisscam on everyone's face is embarrassing. The tiktoker is just... I don't even know what to say there. But honestly, it must be hard to hold on to this delusion in the current state of affairs, getting mad is not going to change anything.

[gamergirl-06]

Michael Anders x Reader

This was requested by @hyunjinbiased-blog who wanted the reader to be dating Micheal and the reader is also a sibling to Emma, oh yes and this has a happy ending (out of the other option being an unhappy ending).

I did my best on this one.

How? You ask yourself as you look at Michael who is doing what he usually does best..being Michael.

You didn’t know how you got so lucky to find someone like him in the apocalypse, but by god were you grateful for the universe bringing you together.

Was it perhaps because the universe knew you would be lonely? Was it maybe because it knew he needed someone by his side the rest of his life? You aren’t quite sure but regardless it doesn’t matter.

You have everything you could ever need right here, in your arms as Michael walked over to the bed and you layed in his arms and he smiled pressing a kiss to your lips as you get comfortable.

You had kept your relationship on the down low because Your Sister, Emma, had no clue that you two were dating and you weren’t planning on telling her anytime soon.

I mean really You and her PA? She would freak if she found out the 2 closest people to her are screwing behind her back.

A part of you felt guilty for not telling her, she was your sister and siblings share shit about each other all the time.

Michael felt this way too since he was her closest friend and confidant (apart from you) and he felt bad that he had been lying to her since she noticed that you two were getting too friendly with each other.

Flashback

Emma eyes you both suspiciously as you both giggle at something on the tv screen in the lounge area as Michael arms his arm around you pulling you closer to him.

You two had been acting to friendly with each other a lot lately, especially when she saw you both.

She shrugged it off thinking that since you two were best friends that that’s how you acted, plus she knew most best friends acted like that.

She walks over to Andrea and sits with her near the couch sat the very small bar.

Andrea looks at her knowingly “You have your suspicions”

Emma nodded her head “I don’t know what going on, I feel like they are together, I don’t mind if they are I just…I don’t know I could be wrong, they haven’t really confirmed anything, does anyone know?”

Andrea shook her head “No I don’t think anyone has heard anything from them”

“Oh ok, thanks for telling me Andrea” Emma said as she placed her arm on top of the bar and rested her head in her hand as she watched you.

End of Flashback

The Survivors didn’t even know that you were with Michael, not that they would care because they have other shit to worry about, going on runs, trying to get information from the doctor in Santa Monica for a cure.

You were pretty close to all of them and they all had some sort of family figure roll in your life.

Dani was like a mother figure, Very supportive of you and what you want to do but will be authoritative when she needs too.

Jacob was like the uncle who brings the vibe and fun to the function, he makes you laugh with his humour and overall wacky.

Ryan was like the protective older brother, he always watched your back.

Carla is the older cousin that likes getting into trouble with you (after all she is an adrenaline junkie).

Amy is the older sister that always teases you about anything.

And Bruno is the younger cousin that just likes to join in on the trouble with you and Carla because “You only live once”.

A knock sounded at the door and Michael gets up from the bed and opens it to see Sam.

“Hey, uh I need you to do me a favour, could you..” Sam stops when he sees you.

You were terrified so you froze up as he stared at you but a smirk came upon his lips.

“My my Michael, looks like you have been fucking Emma’s Sibling behind her back” Sam chuckled.

Michael’s eyes went wide with fear “No that’s not-“

“Oh I think it is, I actually think Emma would love to know -“ he turned around and Michael tackled him…well jumped on his back.

Sam was taken aback by this “What the fuck man”

Emma runs up the stairs “Michael what in earth are you doing” she sees you

Before Poor Michael could respond Sam blurts out “Michael has been fucking them”

Fuck.

You look down not wanting to make eye contact with your sister as you sat there hopeless.

You looked out the window and planned an escape route if you could jump out of it.

You get up off the bed but Emma grabs your wrist “Are you two together?”

You didn’t answer and she sighed.

“I said are you two-“

“YES we are” you broke, and you fall to your knees sobbing.

Well you can’t back the pedal now the secret was out Michael looked fucking terrified because he didn’t know if Emma was gonna let him have it or not.

Emma grabs you up of the floor “I’m not mad at you guys, infact I kinda had a inkling but I wasn’t sure, so I’m happy that it was confirmed”

You gasped as she pulled you into a hug and you hugged back.

“I love him em and he loves me”

She pulls away “how long has this been going on” she point to you and Michael.

“Since the plane crash” you admitted

Flashback

You woke up surrounded by people all over the plane not moving.

You sit up and run your head “ow what the fuck happened”

You were confused as the last thing you remembered people everywhere screaming as the plane went down.

Oh you remembered now as you stood up and a hand grabbed ahold of yours. You jumped but are relieved when it was just Michael that was revealed as the person.

“Sorry to startle you are you ok?” He asked

You nod “yeah just a bruise, what about you?”

He nods “same, I’m ok nothing major, we need to get out and find the others”

You nod and try to find an opening to which you thankfully did and you both hoisted yourself into the open hole and jump down to search for the others.

Michael stopped and you look at him confused.

“Michael what’s wrong” you say

“I love you” Michael blurted out

You were taken aback by this but it made you smile nonetheless.

“I ugh..I’m sorry..I…I didn’t realise-“ but he was cut off by you kissing him.

He kissed back and you pulled away “I love you too Michael Anders”

Once you found the others you regrouped with Emma and the others

End flashback

She looks at you “oh, well then I guess you found something good that came out of this”

You laugh “I most certainly did” Michael wraps his arm around your waist.

“Emma I promise to do nothing but live and cherish them, I can promise you that” Michael said.

Emma smiles “well then if that’s the case I don’t have to worry about (Y/N)”.

She turns to walk away and then turns around again to face us

“But if you do anything other then that, you know what I will do” she said.

“I uh aha I won’t hurt her..I promise” Michael said nervously

“Good” she said and walked out of the room.

You kiss Michael and he says “there is no one else I’d rather be with”

Bonus:

“Hey Emma?” Michael asked her

“Yes” she replied

Michael swallowed nervously “ I have a question, it’s a very big one”

She turns around intrigued and looks at him “and what would that be?”

Michael breathed in and out and just said it “I want to ask you if I can have (Y/N)’s hand in marriage?”

Her eyes widened and her she gave the biggest smile “Michael, you have my blessing”

He looks at her surprised “really..I..thank you”

He runs off and Emma immediately run to the others in the other room “Michael’s gonna propose to (Y/N)”.

Michael led you to the balcony which was perfect because the sun set made the lighting beautiful for a proposal.

“(Y/N) I know we’ve had our ups and downs but I really want to be with you forever and I love you so much, I can’t imagine if I hadn’t met you, so…”

He grabs out a box with a shiny ring in it and gets down on one knee “will you marry me?”

Your hand went to your mouth as you cried and then you nod your head.

“Yes Michael I will marry you” you say and you laugh through tears as he put to ring in your finger.

You share a kiss in the gorgeous sunset but what you didn’t know was that everyone was watching the event and gave cheers to which you didn’t hear, they did t want to ruin YOUR moment.

[hibiscus-reign]

I fear I may have spoken too soon. I made a post thinking there would be a turn around in the attitude certain Buddie shippers have towards anyone who doesn’t validate their ship, but I just don’t think they quite understand what they’re doing. Some of them are downplaying their homophobia to only the cutting Lou out of the stills, but when I make claims about that it’s something serious, and not really about some stills. How they handle situations like this will and is affecting real life queer people who aren’t secure in their sexuality.

I’ve seen damaging words tossed around about not just a character but a real man, calling him predatory. I’ve seen real fans slinging the word fetish to other queer fans. These fans have almost always done nothing wrong, most of it only comes from one side (I would know I’m chronically online). And we have major accounts like that deranged Samantha girl (who only recently started celebrating Bucks bisexual journey, wonder why) on Twitter amplifying one single shipper who had a really bad take, and these fans know what they’re doing because they use that one take as a weapon to talk about a fictional relationship, a relationship that is currently in the spotlight with general audiences, and all that audience is seeing is that one rotten apple, that one rotten take, and they’ll form an opinion on not just the ship (I don’t care about the ship), but the community itself. That’s where the homophobia comes in.

Do you really think some still is what would cause us to finally be vocal about how our community is being dragged by these fans who can’t think beyond their ship??? We’re being tagged by these accusations and malice, and you expect us to be quiet about it? I defended my trans sisters all last year on Twitter because transphobes made the same accusations, and none once did I think I would have to see this repeated when entering the fandom.

If anyone is actually here for the right reasons I urge you please shut these people up. It’s getting more personal and more nasty now. Ryan’s racist past is re-emerging because Buddie fans are so hell bent on always calling a fictional man (Tommy) racist whenever they can. It’s not my place to forgive Ryan, but none of this would’ve happened if you gave a new character the same decency you gave an actor. Obviously the real human should always come first, but when it comes to race this is a situation that is too real. It wouldn’t surprise me if there’s Buddie shippers actively trying to find something of Lou’s past to smear him, and if they do that’s on him, but this back and forth will only grow more intense by the minute to the point this show will become unenjoyable to everyone. The show brought us together for a reason and I will like to keep it that way, and I urge those bloodthirsty shippers to find that reason again.

(And Buddies what is it with you calling anyone who doesn’t like your ship racist? I’m a Mexican who doesn’t like Buddie because of the stereotype of a catholic gay. Does that make me racist?)

[tommykinard]

Serious question, no hate or anything but why are so many people convinced that Ryan and Oliver would love for buddie to happen? Because everything they said sounds quite like the opposite, especially from Ryan. He said the same thing since 2019, he wants to portray this vulnerable, close, platonic friendship/bromance without it turning romantic. He also said he doesn’t even see or play Eddie as gay. And Oliver also said he doesn’t even know if he would actually want it to happen. Which means he doesn’t even think about it actually happening. Sure they love the (non toxic) fans and their love for the characters but I really don’t think they’re dying for buddie to happen. They always say they’re open to it if that’s what Tim decides and if it doesn’t come off as fanservice. But they know exactly it could never be anything but fanservice if it happens. And even if they absolutely wouldn’t want it to happen, they couldn’t say it or else they get called homophobic. So what is it that makes people believe they want Buddie to be canon?

Okay so I'm gonna answer assuming this was sent in good faith, but I really don't like the putting of words in people's mouths and also this extremism re: :they never said that", "this will never happen", etc.

I can only speak for myself, not for anyone else in fandom and definitely not for Ryan or Oliver since I don't know these people personally and I can only assume that you don't either. And as much as we joke about them being unhinged and out of PR jail and whatever, we have to remember these people are professionals who have been in the industry a long time and know how to interact with journalists and press because it's their job. They're never going to outright confirm or deny anything, they can only speak to what material they're given in the moment. As of right now, buddie is a vulnerable, close, platonic friendship. Neither of them have any reason to suggest otherwise. Also please remember that they are actors, they don't write for the show, yes they can offer input into the storylines but they cannot definitively change the trajectory of the show. Sorry anon, but Ryan and Oliver saying that they don't know the future of buddie does not mean they "don't even think about it happening". You don't know what they think, I don't know what they think, so let's stop with these extreme assumptions.

Also "they're not dying for buddie to happen"? I never said that they were. I said that from everything I've seen, I can tell that Ryan and Oliver know their characters and love their characters better than anyone in this fandom ever could. And understanding and loving Eddie means knowing the full depth of how much he loves Buck, whether that be platonic or romantic or some secret third thing. Same goes for Buck. I think if it goes the romantic route, Ryan and Oliver would have a blast getting to explore and portray another aspect to the buddie dynamic. If it doesn't go there, I think they would still knock it out of the park with how they portray a very important relationship in these characters lives, and I think they would still have a blast with it, like they've been doing this whole time. But again, I don't know them and I could be wrong, I'm just going off of the bare minimum info I have.

As for "they know it could never be anything but fanservice", did they tell you that? I've seen time and time again how this show surpasses expectations, I for one did not want an Eddie cheating with Shannon's doppleganger arc when it was speculation, but the show surprised me with how much I liked the way they did it. Same goes for buddie, if you think it can only ever be fanservice, just give them a chance to maybe surprise you. Ryan and Oliver are gonna get shit on no matter what they say in interviews. If they talk about buddie too much and hint about it being romantic, they're going to get accused of queerbaiting. If they don't talk about buddie at all or keep emphasizing that buddie is platonic, they're going to be called homophobic. It's a lose lose situation.

And another thing? Interviews are not word of god. This fandom (and any fandom) needs to stop placing so much weight on them. They're a fun behind the scenes look into the conversations and decisions surrounding different scenes and storylines, but that's it. Personally, I don't care what Ryan or Oliver might feel about buddie. It's fun seeing them be supportive of it, sure, but they could outright say that it was never going to happen and I wouldn't care, because they're not the writers or showrunners, what they say in an interview has no impact on the show. A lot of people weren't there or have forgotten when Tim made comments about how much he loved Taylor Kelly and wanted to pursue more journalist storylines, or when he said Eddie would have no PTSD after the shooting. So even if Tim confirmed or denied buddie in an interview? It means nothing bc it didn't occur in the show. We'll all find out whether Ryan and Oliver wanted buddie to happen or not if/when it does happen, or when the show ends. Until then just stay along for the ride or hop off if you're not having a good time.

[lolitastories]

Helpless

Description: She worked as a lawyer in New York until she received a phone call from the man she owes her career to. She knew she would be back and what she was in for but what she didn’t know is that her life would change even more than she imagined.

Part 3

Chapter 2

“I need you to get this whole reporter thing situated. Jamie will still be working but only when I say so. He will stay in the bunkhouse until then working on himself” After Jamie’s suicide attempt John told him to rebuild himself, he didn’t feel like losing another child of his. “Also check up on Cassidy and Beth” I nod getting up. I walk out his office and out the front door. It was only 8 in the morning and I could just fall down and take a long nap. The whole ranch was alive. I look to my left and see the cowboys doing whatever they do with the cattle. I have met some of the cowboys here, such as Ryan, Lloyd, Jimmy, and Colby. Not really a fan of the whole ranch life but seeing them passionate and happy here is a bit liberating. Back home it was a small town and I call it the inbetween. We didn’t have large lands with farm animals or cowboys but we also didn’t have what cities do. You could go from a quiet neighborhood with a decent amount of land to a 10 minute drive down to city hall where bars and tourists danced around until curfew. The inbetween.

“Ready for that horse riding lesson?” My gaze left the cowboys and moved over to rip putting on his gloves.

“Give me another 6 years and i’ll let you know” He chuckles walking up beside me to give me a side hug but leaving him around my shoulders.

“Have to get rid of the fear if you are going to stay around here, you know horses can feel whatever you are feeling” I shake my head with a smile

“You’re horse must have a lot of anger and entitlement” I hear Lloyd laugh from close by. “Has he been acting better?” Lloyd gives me a hurt look

“I could never talk about the boss like that” The laugh that leaves me is only cut short when I catch Kayce in the corner of my eye. He pulls the horse in the secluded section. A little boy stands by watching him as the horse starts bucking but soon enough the horse settles and runs along the ring.

“That his son, Tate” I only nod. “And that's his soon to be ex wife” I look over at the tan, thin, black haired woman walking up to the fence. “Have you been helping with his divorce?” I look up seeing a grin on his face.

“Rip Rip Rip.” I shake my head again removing his arm and walking closer to him and whispering since I don’t want anyone else to hear.

“I think you should be focused on your love life which needs the most help than anyone else's plus, you know I don’t talk about my cases unless John says so '' I wave him goodbye and turn to do the same with the cowboys. I had a long morning ahead of me and I can tell you it will be an even longer afternoon.

I went over to the office and got familiar with everything going with Sarah Nguyen. The report states the cause of death was drowning which was nothing new here. The problem will be if anything shows in her body as signs it wasn’t drowning that killed her. There has been a test of what I would do for this family and this was truly the worst. Everybody is shown right from wrong from a young age. I know it's wrong to help cover this up, for god sake I devote myself to tell the truth under oath and if this goes to court rooms I will bend myself over backwards to stand loyal. Now to stop that from happening I need to make sure Jamie’s name is nowhere connected to hers. She hadn’t published anything but I can count on her talking to people close to her about what she was writing about. I have to check up on that and the notes she surely has on the interview. The next thing wasn’t something I could do alone. Beth was attacked and the men were taken care of. It has been a hassle to shut down anything being said but so far we have done a good job. Not only does the Beck brothers have hands on this but they also found out they had to do with the whole cattle situation. I recently found out about the plane they kept. Now it was up to Kayce and the association to use that and if they need help I will step in. I look at my clock after finally getting something to eat and see it hit 2.

“Miss Reid is waiting to hear from you” My assistant said, walking through the door holding my phone.

“Make a call down to Dutton’s phone company and get Jamie's phone transfer started. Make a damage/lost claim and tell them I will be by there in an hour” She nods handing me the phone “Miss Reid”

“Y/L/N” I met Cassidy once. When she was trusted as attorney general. “John gave me a call this morning to let me know you would be stopping by” I fake chuckle. Not that I didn’t like her but something was off and I had a hard time trusting some people.

“Of course. I wasn’t going to go around him but I thought there was really no real reason to bother you since you must be busy with the new job.”

“Oh and what hectic can it be” She laughs

“Am sure, listen we could plan to get drinks because I am sure we will spend some time together soon enough, unless you have something to discuss with me?”

“Drinks sounds great right now but you’re right we have to schedule it for some other time. At this moment everything is handled although I do have something to pick with you” Ok. “It has nothing to do with the job or John but it's something personal that we can discuss this Wednesday?”

“Is it a morning drink situation or afternoon?” I pull out a sticky note.

“A late evening” I was surprised to hear that from her.

“How’s 7?

“I’ll text you the location”

“See you then” We exchange goodbyes and I hang

up the phone. I get up grabbing my things and heading out my office door. “Set this up for wednesday. Do you have the paperwork on Kayce and Monica’s divorce?”

“The paperwork hasn’t been sent from court.” I I almost faceplant myself on her desk.

“I’ll take care of it. What did they say about the phone?”

“They will have it there waiting in an hour” I thankher telling her I would be leaving for the day.

“You can go home early” I say leaving the doors. Now I have to spend the rest of my afternoon in court waiting on papers. It should be fast but what Jennifer didn’t listen to when I told her to file the papers was that she was supposed to file them with the reservation. I know I should have checked up on the paperwork sooner but I know they usually take a while so I didn’t bother. I waited the process and rushed over to the store to get Jamie’s phone before going back to the office.

“Your assistant wasn’t answering her phone” I looked over my shoulder to see Beth walking up.

“And you couldn’t press another two buttons to call me?” She gave me an annoyed look while I unlocked the door for her.

“You don’t seem to pick up your phone either” I look down at it with the time stamp saying 6 and a miss call from Beth.

“Was in a reservation filing paperwork and staying to make the process faster” I motion to the file in my hand and throw it to the table.

“Have you eaten?” She asked softly, taking a seat.

“Yes mom”

“Don’t tempt me with grounding you, I could pass as your mother” I chuckle, leaning back and closing my eyes. Looking at her wasn’t easy, knowing what she went through and I know Beth wasn’t weak but what she went through wasn’t either. I can’t see the bruises she carries and not imagine those men beating her up. Or the way Rip limped this morning because of the bullets he received that night.

“That would make you 13 when you had me” I look over at her just staring at me.

“I would have made a hot teen mother” We laughed but soon enough it died down.

“What's in your head?” She gets up making herself a drink offering me one but I deny it. I was working late and I didn’t need it to make this night longer.

“My role in this family is to keep it together for the sake of my dad” I shake my head agreeing with her. She was doing all of this for him, I knew that. “Kayce is majorly helping with this but if anything goes wrong with this divorce” She was mainly talking about his son. “Than it could not only affect him, the farm but also my dad”

“I will make it happen”

“I know” She leans back into the chair taking thelast sip of her drink. “What I am saying is that if it makes it easier and cuts the time short then I will take care of the dirty work if you need it.” That was not necessary. I know I could do it.

“Of course Beth” I smile. She sets the cup down and I get up as she heads out the door.

“You don’t need to walk me out. I can take care of myself” She leaves with one last smile closing my office door. Of course I wasn’t listening to her. I walk out after hearing the main door close. I watch her get in her car and drive away safely. I let out a yawn preparing myself for more research and making sure I had everything set on Kayce’s divorce case. Monica had made it clear she wanted full custody and would only allow Tate to visit under her rules. Kayce wanted to pull the same fight but John suggested otherwise. They agreed to go with shared custody. Once I was done with enough for the day I packed everything up again and drove to the ranch. Getting in a late dinner, warm shower, and straight to my bed seemed like a perfect end to the night.

“Get into the car” I was walking up the stairs before releasing Kayce was behind me as he grabbed my things and placed them in the back of a truck. I look over to the driver's seat and see John. I didn’t ask any question as I got in or while we were heading to our destination.

“I just want you to observe and listen” I nod, getting out of the truck together. Officers surrounded the victim on the road. The sheriff approaches John as he is examining the body. It was an officer for Rainwater.

“Am not saying it was you but that it looks like you” It doesn’t sit well with John but knowing Donnie, he knows they are on the same page.

“You can turn around if you want” Kayce says next to me

“Shh” I shush him walking closer to the men speaking but not enough to catch their attention.

“Now we know who did it” Rainwater states looking over to the sheriff

“No evidence other than the bullet in his head”

“That halts construction” Rainwater says lastly, leaving Donnie and John talking. I hear their last words and how John says he's not fazed about an attempt from the Beck brothers. He walks over to Kayce and begins talking to him.

“Native?” I shake my head. “Mexican?” I look over confused at his words. “Am just curious on the kind of person you are”

“Why?” I turn my whole body towards his direction. “Because I am involved with the Dutton family and I should maybe be involved with other people?” I know who I was and what I stood for. Rainwater chuckles a bit, looks behind me and then at me again.

“I’d like to pick your brain someday, if that's okay with you?” I nod. He extends his hand and I shake it before departing towards the Duttons. Kayce looking at Rainwater walks away and I ignore his stare getting into the car. We arrive and I walk directly to the kitchen.

“Do you want a drink now?” I look up from leaning against the island.

“No” I said a little too coldly before taking a cup.

“What are you, 8?” I laugh while finishing pouring milk into my cup.

“I wish” I whisper while walking over to her and we take a seat in the living room.

“What do you have in your agenda tomorrow?”

“Sitting down with Monica and Kayce and following up on a couple other things but I should be free until 10 and finish around lunch time”

“Want to go out tonight?” I haven’t gone out in a while. What could happen?

[fandoms--fluff]

Attempted Sneak Out

Female ancient vampire reader x Ryan Clarke

Summary: Ryan attempts to sneak out and leave but you find him first and get the truth out of him and why he wanted to go. Which ends in comfort and cuddles.

Warnings: mentions of murder, swearing, think that's all

a/n: there's so little Ryan Clarke fics, so I decided to write one

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You follow Ryan, as he is currently trying to sneak out of the school. You vamp in front of him when he gets to the door, “And where do you think you’re going?” You asked, sounding as if you were talking to your kid.

Well, you did have to give this same speech last week to MG and Kaleb, so you’ve had good practice, supposedly. Also, from being the closest thing Hope has to a mother (And that can be a handful itself at times).

“Oh y/n, I-I was just, you know going to star gaze-“ you cut him off before he can finish his horrible excuse of a lie, “I’m going to stop you right there before you hurt your case more.” You say, amused by his attempt at getting out of the glare you’re giving his way. You swear he’s been picking up on the excuses all of the kids use to get out of things. They seriously need to brainstorm excuses better, so it at least sounds believable.

“Come on, let’s go back to my room and have a talk.” You lead him up a couple cases of stairs before turning to the right and opening the door to your room. You lead him inside and shut the door, locking it, making sure not to be loud and wake up any of the students, especially the younger ones.

You nod over to your bed, telling him to sit as you rummage through one of your desk drawers. Pulling out a sage stick, casted to make sure no one can hear you guys talk. You start burning it and place it on the top of your dresser, beside a cd player. (Yes, you still use one, you took a lot of Damon’s old cd’s from the 90’s before they rebuilt the boarding house into a school).

Turning back around to face Ryan, you crossed your arms. “Funny thing. When I was checking in on Hope and the twins, making sure they were actually asleep, I heard you coming out of this room and trying to leave before anyone woke up. And where did you think I was, if not in here? I mean come on, at least try and be a little more sneaky next time you ultimately try and fail to sneak out” you lectured him, getting his eyes to widen a bit.

 (The reason you were checking in on the three girls is because they’re all having a sleepover – for once all getting along. You also managed to get Hope to turn her humanity back on by showing her memories of when she was little and of her parents. Mostly her dad because you’ve known him for longer than anyone may think)

“I don’t know, I just thought you were in the library or getting some blood or something” he mumbled out.

“Why did you try to sneak out in the first place? It’s not like we were torturing you.” You question him.

He looks down at your heeled boots, trying to get out from answering the question. If he tells you why, then he’ll look like a-a freak or even worse, too weak to help everyone. But he guesses that ship has already sailed, considering he got caught while trying to leave them.

You see a look in his eyes and walk closer, placing a finger under his chin and gently tilting his head up so he faces you. “What’s wrong?” Gently speaking and softening your face with concern, you ask him.

He thinks about, what is wrong? But decides to shake his head instead, because if you knew what he wants then you will most definitely be disgusted and never talk to him ever again.

He doubts your ways of noticing, and you can see right through him. “You can tell me, no need to be embarrassed” you gently speak to him. “I don’t know, I-I feel, I don’t know. Your gonna think I’m a freak” he murmurs out, going though his feelings in his head and finally slipping up to you.

“I don’t think I will, trust me, I’ve been in much worse situations to think someone or something is freaky” you sit down beside him, crossing your legs. “I mean seriously, have you forgotten about ‘the all mighty Necromancer, the cursed king of the underworld’. Now that dude, he was definitely freaky” You say, making him lightly smile.

Not knowing how to say what he wants to, instead he leans over and hugs you tightly. You pause for a second, not expecting him to do this. Shortly after, you bring your arms up and tightly wrap them around his body in return. Thinking for a second, you realize this makes so much sense. The way he’s been looking at you and how he acts whenever he’s around you, it all pieces together.

“Uh- s-sorry” Ryan stutters out, pulling away from the embrace. His eyes darted to across the room, focusing on a picture of you and Kol at the bar in the mystic grill from when he got un-daggered in 2011, pinned on a cork board.

“Hey, it’s okay, Hun” you start to reassure him. You bring up a hand and place it on his shoulder comfortingly.

“I haven’t ever felt like this before” he mumbles.

“It feels weird, doesn’t it? Like you don’t want anyone to know that you can be vulnerable” you speak softly, soothing him. He nods, “Yeah, exactly like that.”

You slowly pull away from him and sit, leaning against the headboard of your bed. You lightly smile and nod, showing him to come over to you. Carefully moving over towards you, he sits down, nervousness taking over.

“No need to feel nervous, Sweetie.” You wrap your arm around him and press a light kiss on top of his head.

In return, feeling the comfort and love radiating off of you (more than he has already), he lays his head on you, nuzzling his head against your collarbone. He can smell the lingering soft scent of your coconut and hibiscus perfume still on from earlier today.

Bringing your other arm up, you also wrap it around Ryan, pulling him closer. Letting him know it’s safe and you’re here for him, even if he hasn’t seemed to realize It before.

Now that half his body is basically on top of you, you start to play with the soft curls of his hair. “I never knew someone like you can be so nice” he tells you quietly.

“A vampire?” he nods. “Well, I’ve had a bunch of practice dealing with Mystic Falls drama. Literally from the start, when vampires were first created. I’ve also had to deal with Hope’s dad and his mask of not needing anyone there for him. And I still have her uncle, Kol that still does stupid shit (he’s the one in that photo you were looking at), but he’s, my family. Just like Hope is. I could never change that” you explain to him.

“So, I’m always going to be here for you. Plus, if an asshole deserves it, I of course send them to death like that” you snap your fingers, making him chuckle. “And maybe sometimes I’ll indulge in some of the killing activities with Kol, but shh” you say, holding a finger up to your lips.

He smiles up at up at you, “I could get used to this, even with that headmaster” he says, referring to Alaric’s aggravating attempts to fix problems his way (which lets be real, never works out).

“Good, just know if you need someone to talk to or even just lay and cuddle with, I’m always here, okay Sweetie?” You reassure him.

“Okay” He says and nuzzles back into the warmth beaming off of you. Happy to be with someone who actually cares for a change.

[clingyduoapologist]

hello!! I was redirected here by bronzetomatoes after inquiring about kylo ren hate (I think the hitting him with a car post is so funny and also i know so little about star wars. it adds to the comedy tbh) and i was told if i want the funny/thorough answer that you’re the place to go. so if you’d like to, go absolutely off the walls about it :)

My friend have you come to the right place.

SO BASICALLY Star Wars is a story about how 3 good movies collectively altered the course of human history by making just like, stupid amounts of money right?

So obviously, Disney was like “I need to get in on that” and bought Star Wars and then started working on their own trilogy. If you’re a Star Wars fan, this is pretty cool! New planets, new character, new lore! It was pretty awesome. The trailer for the first movie in this new trilogy came out and everyone loved it! So much interesting things!!! A female protagonist?!?!? Wow this is so awesome!!!

The problem was the movie isn’t very good.

Don’t get me wrong the force awakens is fine, definitely the best movie in the trilogy, the problem is that it wasn’t good enough, not for most audiences, and especially not for Disney. So they fired JJ Abrams, who directed the force awakens, and hired Ryan Johnson to direct the second movie: the last Jedi.

I fucking hate the last Jedi.

And so did like half the world, and what followed the release of the film was probably the worst fucking time in the history of life on earth to be a Star Wars fan, as basically the entire fanbase devolved into a civil war between last jedi haters and last jedi defenders.

But amongst all the fighting, another group was beginning to form, one that had began in the shadows of the Force Awakens, but was now bolstered by the release of the last Jedi, a shadowy and secretive threat that was about to rear it’s ugly head:

Reylo.

Now, Reylo, as a ship is like, fine? It’s literally just the most barebones enemies to lovers ship you can imagine.

But Reylo as a fanbase? That’s where things start to get interesting. Because what Reylo lacked in character and writing, it made up for in hot fucking actors (I mean it’s fucking Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver what did you expect). this in turn led to a vicious cycle where Reylo fans were extremely uh… motivated… and also had basically blank canvases to build off of. This lead to the Reylo fandom becoming almost a separate entity to the Star Wars fandom, which only further boosted their forces.

But what made Reylo infamous was the scale. These guys were loud, and were prepared to rip anyone to shreds for even the smallest injustices. It was a dog eat dog world, and one that maintained itself through a constant state of war.

But setting Reylo fans aside for a second, you may be wondering “Okay but what does any of that have to do with Kylo Ren?” Which, sure fair question. But to answer that, we have to look at Reylo not as a ship, but as characters.

Now, Rey, as far as protagonists go, is… fine? She’s definitely screwed majorly by being in a completely unplanned trilogy of movies that wasn’t interest in making her a compelling and likable character, but like even then I’d be lying if I said that she wasn’t at the very least interesting. And again like I’ll take any excuse to see Daisy Ridl- sorry what, anyways point is Rey Palpatine skywalker kenobi whatever is a perfectly mediocre protagonist and thus, while sexist assholes may try to convince you that she burned the world’s crops and poisoned the town water supply, truth be told I and many others fans became at worst indifferent, and best charmed by her.

But Kylo Ren? Kylo Motherfucking Ren? Ben SWOLO himself?

This man makes me violent.

And it’s not because he’s more well written then Rey, or even because his writing is particularly worse, as far as I’m concerned they’re both hand in unlovable in in terms of writing quality.

The problem with Kylo is that he could of been so much better, so easily, and yet people still fawned over him.

Like, this guy is Darth Vader’s Fucking Grandson, Luke Skywalker’s Nephew, Son of Han Solo and Leia Skywalker, 1 hot actor removed from self insert character, and yet these writers fucking struggle, each and every time, to figure out what to do with him. Like they are fucking racking their brains trying to make a guy with one of the sickest lightsaber designs ever and a badass outfit all being acted by ADAM FUCKING DRIVER “interesting.”

And PEOPLE FUCKING FELL FOR IT. Like if you go into almost any even slightly sad tag in ao3 I guarantee there will be at least one kylo fic. Like I can not stress to you enough how many people fucking lost their MINDS!!!

FOR HIM

And remember, this is all ON TOP of the fawning that Reylo stans had already been doing. Which only made things worse, if you can even believe that.

And so ever since Rise of Skywalker managed to drag the sequel trilogy’s tired, burning, mangled corpse over the finish line, and all the buzz over it died down, and every YouTube video essayist/movie analyzer saw dollar signs in their eyes, we’re left here, with Adam Driver’s tits swaying in the wind. And for what? The most stock Sad Boy Villaintm of all time and his British gf? A marginally cool lightsaber design? Maybe like, 1 cool fight scene at the end of the first movie?

Like… I’m just left to stare… Stare at this man’s hot topic shopper ass hair cut and Zuko wannabe facial scar, left with nothing better to do than seethe, quietly and angrily, at a character who could have been so much, who could have done so much, but yet was doomed to only ever be himself.

In the end, I suppose I am like Sisyphus, rolling my anger up a hill, knowing that it’ll only roll back down again anyway, and yet not an ounce less motivated to continue my toil. Because Kylo Ren is my enemy, my one true opposite in this great narrative we call reality.

And at least, on some nights, I can rest easy knowing that he fucking died at the end.

[monsterrae1]

Hello lovely Rae! 💖 for the hesitant love prompts: "what can I get you? do you need water? a hug? space?" Pretty pls 💕

Ryan, Baby, I'm so sorry it took me so long to answer this! Things have been, well, they've been better. Hope you like this!

_

Eddie Diaz had been shot more times than anyone should’ve been in one lifetime, he had been to war, he had been buried alive under 40ft of mud, he had nearly drowned while getting himself out of said 40ft of mud, he had survived so many near death experiences, but the tuesday night his appendix decided to burst? Eddie thought for sure he was going to die. 

It really came out of nowhere, he hadn’t been feeling bad at all, no fevers, no nausea, no abdominal pain, he had been completely fine one moment, helping out their vic into the ambulance and calming the nerves of the partner who had never seen a broken leg before, and the next thing he knew he was doubling over in pain, throwing up into the asphalt, his insides feeling like they were tearing open. 

If he didn’t know better he’d think that he had been shot again. 

Bobby and Chim were by his side in an instant asking him what was wrong, and if anything had happen, Eddie could only shake his head, but as soon as they tried to move him, he was hit with another wave of excruciating pain and dropped to the floor, curling into himself. That’s when he felt a couple of big hands cradle his head and brush their fingers over his cheeks.

“Eddie? Eddie, what's wrong?” Buck asked him, and Eddie made an effort to open his eyes again. 

“Hurts, stomach, i don’t know” He grumbled, wishing it would just stop. 

Bobby must’ve called for a second rig because next thing Eddie knew he was being rolled into a gurney and transported to the ER, 

“What the hell is wrong with him, chim?” Buck asked from next to him, Eddie was holding into his hand tight enough that he might’ve done some damage. 

“My best guess? Appendicitis?” 

The last thought of Eddie’s head was, oh fuck, before pain made him pass out. 

Next time he opened his eyes he was staring at the hospital’s room ceiling, he tried to move but he felt the very distinct pull of stitches in his abdomen.

“Ugh” He tried to say, but his throat was too dry.

“We’ll be home soon, ok, bud? Be good for Carla” Eddie turned his head following the sound of Buck’s voice, he had his back to Eddie, and was still wearing his uniform, he had his phone on his ear, and nodding along to whatever Chris was saying on the other side “I will bud, I’ll let you know when the doctor tells me anything, okay?”

“Buck?” Eddie tried again, this time managing to make more noise and startling Buck and making him turn around “What happen?” 

“Hey” He said softly “How are you feeling?” 

Eddie frowned, making a mental check of himself, his thoughts were too fuzzy for him to make a proper check, but he didn’t feel like his stomach was being torn open so he figured that was good.

“Alive?”  He ended up saying, making Buck laugh. 

“Yeah, gave us quite the scare there buddy” 

Eddie smiled at him “Sorry, when can we go home?” 

“Tomorrow maybe” 

Eddie hummed and closed his eyes “Chris waiting for you?” 

“Yeah, I’m picking up dinner from that Italian place you pretend you don’t like? Sorry you’re gonna miss out” 

“Mean” 

Buck was still laughing when Eddie fell back asleep. 

He ended up staying at the hospital for 2 days, it wasn’t by far his longest stay at the hospital but towards the second day he was already climbing the walls, he was fine, he was ready to go after the first 24 hours, but because his incision was slightly red and swollen. He was fine, the doctors were just annoying. 

“C’mon” Buck said, guiding Eddie into the house, he would’ve complained that he didn’t need the help, but the truth was that he kinda did. It was too early for him to be heading to bed, so he asked Buck to set him up on the sofa where he could watch Buck tinker around the kitchen or play video games if he got bored. 

“You’re all set up” Buck said once Eddie was laying down on the sofa, his back being supported with what seemed like every pillow in the house, “I’m gonna get you a snack in a second, what else can I get you? Do you need water? A hug? Space?” 

Eddie stared at him for a second “You know what, a hug would be nice” 

Buck chuckled, helping Eddie sit up and wrapped him in his arms, Eddie rested his head on Buck’s shoulder and breathed him in. 

“Thank you Buck, for everything you do for us” 

Buck hummed “You I love it, I love helping you guys out” 

Eddie hugged him tighter for a minute, promising himself that once he was better, he was going to tell Buck just how much he meant to him.

[beaker1636]

Single Lyrics Part 6 - Ryan Sitkowski

AN: So I got really into this and wrote a second part today, so you get a double update. Things are getting tense and serious, will they be able to fix the relationship or is it time to walk away?

A few moments after y/n stormed out of the bus Ryan comes out to the front, looking rather exasperated, quickly finding where Vinny was sitting and giving the drummer a glare.  If looks could kill he would have just taken Vinny down without any hesitation.

“You are close to her, what the fuck just happened? Why is she suddenly mad at me and wanting to quit?” Ryan asks, desperate to know what is wrong and how to fix it.  “Wait, where is Violet?”

“Justin took her to the playground so she wouldn’t what the blowup that was happening, and why don’t you ask the fucking dancer that was all over you backstage why the girl who is in love with you is hurt? Why she still fucking wants you is beyond me, but for someone who claims to care about her you have a shitty way of showing it,” Vinny snaps, glaring at his friend.  He may care about Ryan but he is not going to let him hurt his best friend, especially when he has been venting to them that he is pretty sure he wants to be with her again. “You need to figure out what it is you actually want. Now if you’ll excuse me I am going to go watch her from a distance to make sure nothing happens while she is vulnerable like this, because that is the thing you do for someone you care about, asshole.”

Vinny storms off the bus, in search of where you are at and leaving Ryan feeling like the biggest asshole on the face of the earth. As far as just about everyone on the bus is concerned he is, especially after throwing it in your face that you should know what it’s like to be abandoned knowing that he is the one who did it to you.

A few moments later Justin and Violet climb on the bus. “I saw her go storming by and figured it was safe to bring Violet back as she said she is hungry.  If I need to leave again I will after grabbing her something to eat.” 

“No, it’s safe now, the fight is over for the time being.  I think it is going to be awhile before we have to worry about her acknowledging Ryan exists,” Chris answers honestly, letting out a sigh before stuffing his phone in his pocket. “I’m going to go watch someone else, anyone coming with?” 

“I’ll go,” Rick says quickly, not really wanting to be around Ryan at the moment.  

After they both step off Ryan lets out a sigh, feeling the weight of his actions and words hitting him hard. Justin looks over at his friend after handing some fruit to the little girl and walks over, setting a hand on his shoulder.

“Do you want to talk about it man?” He asks, looking at his friend who is sitting on the couch, clearly distraught by the events of the day so far.

“What did I do? I thought things were getting better between us, that we were in a good place and now I don’t know what to think anymore.” Ryan says, looking out the window of the bus as he sits there, taking everything in.

“Can I be honest? I think where you screwed up is that you keep pushing the being friends thing without addressing the problems that both of you have together.  The two of you need to sit down and civilly discuss the past and what you want moving forward before anything can change.  You say that you care about her and act like you do, and then you let another woman have her hands all over you backstage in front of her.  She tries to talk to you, explain why she wants to leave, basically tells you she loves you and you turn it into a fight.  I mean honestly, you are pretty fucking stupid.  We can all tell from a mile away that the more time the two of you have spent together that she still loves you, how did you think she would react when she saw that today?” Justin says, trying to put it as plainly as he could, as obvious as he could so maybe it would soak into the mans skull finally.

“I didn’t think that it would come across that way, you know how girls get with us.  I guess I can see how that would hurt her though, but Justin I messed up.  I fucking cornered her back there and before she left I kissed her.  I expected it to make her happy, to show her that I want to be with her too but clearly that didn’t work,” Ryan admits, looking at his friend for advice.

“Yeah, that was a dumb move.  She was upset and cornering her only to do what you wanted, it came across that you didn’t give a shit what she was feeling right then, you screwed up.  You only have two weeks to fix it before this tour is over and she walks away, and we both know if she walks away you aren’t going to get another chance so you better figure out how to fix this Ryan.  But I can’t help you with that, it has to be something that comes from you, that means something.” Justin says, moving so he can help the little girl wipe the mess off her face.  “When things calm down I think you need to sit with her and actually talk things out, explain to her why you did what you did.  I’ll watch Violet for you so you have that chance.”

“Thank you Justin, that would be great.”

Meanwhile

You find a spot in the grass by the fence over by the mainstage where there aren’t many people and sit down, letting your emotions hit you finally.  You aren’t stupid, you know that Vinny has followed you after you left but you haven’t acknowledged it yet.

When you finally let the breakdown hit and start to cry a set of arms wrap around you, letting you know that the one person you feel like is there for you is beside you, supporting you.  Without a word you turn and bury your face into his chest, letting the sobs escape, glad that you are far enough away from people that nobody is paying you much mind right now while you let this happen.  Vinny doesn’t say anything to you, he just lets you cry it out, his hands rubbing soothing circles against your back while you let everything you are holding escape while you accept his comfort.

When you finally start to calm down several minutes later you pull away, mumbling a sorry to Vinny who doesn’t seem to care that you have soaked his shirt in your tears, that you left a trail of your makeup on it in the process.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, you are allowed to be upset after he threw everything in your face while you were doing the right thing.  I however may be in trouble when we go back, I may have lost my shit on Ryan before I followed you,” Vinny says with a nervous chuckle, relieved when that made you giggle.

“Why does that not shock me? Vin, thank you for being here for me,” you say softly, watching the crowd further below you continue to rock out and enjoy the shows that are going on below you.

“Someone needs to be, I’m tired of everyone acting like he didn’t do shit to you honestly.  Especially when you are the bigger person and have been helping him like nothing ever happened, to make sure Violet is being loved and cared for.  You’re too nice a person to be put through hell,” he says with a smile.  

You let out a soft sigh, debating if you should let what happened at the end of the fight out or not but you need to talk about it with someone, and you know your friend Miranda, while you love her, will talk you out of everything and into coming home.

“Vin, he kissed me back there.  That’s what made me panic, I didn’t know what to do because part of me wanted it…” you trail off, unsure where you are going with this.

“But part of you was scared?” Vinny finishes for you, knowing where you were going with this.  He knows you a lot more than either of you would probably admit, having gotten close throughout this tour.  Vinny is the one who has gone out of his way to include you in things, make sure that you haven’t felt alone, something that you can never thank him for.

“What happens when I am not enough again? When I am home with Violet and he is out meeting women who are more what he wants than I am? I don’t know why he did what he did but I don’t think I can just get over that and allow us to have that type of relationship again without knowing why, without knowing things would be different.” You admit. 

“Do you think that if he actually explained why he left like that years ago that things could change between both of you? If he gave you that closer that you never had?” Vinny asks you, watching your face as he tries to gauge your reaction to his questions.

“I-I don’t know Vin.  I want to think that it would help but what if the reasoning is awful, if it is something that I hadn’t considered before?  I feel like it could completely shatter what little hope I have left and ruin everything.” You answer truthfully, you do want to know why he did what he did, but you are scared to know at the same time.  

What if things are past the point of no return, if there is no fixing the wounds that this fight has brought back up.  You genuinely thought that you could get past everything to help take care of Violet and now, you aren’t so sure anymore.  

“I think that both of you need to just sit down and explain everything.  You explain all your doubts and emotions and you let him explain why he did what he did, what he is feeling for you.  Until the two of you can be honest about everything there is no repairing anything, and I think that even if you left that for yourself you need to tell him everything.  You will never get any closure if you don’t express what is going on in your head.  If that leads to you leaving you know that I will support you all the way, but that is a conclusion I think you need to come to together.” Vinny says, hoping that you can understand what he is trying to tell you.  

“Since when have you been so smart, I’m used to knuckle head Vinny,” you say with a laugh. “You are right though, we really need to just sit down and civilly discuss things.  Thank you for being there for me.”

“I will always be here for you, now lets get you back to the bus and cleaned up because no offense, you look like a hot mess,” he jokes, standing up and offering you a hand.

You laugh and take it, feeling much better than you were before now that you have spoken to Vin and cleared your head some.  But that now means you will have to go back and see Ryan, and that scares you.

“When we get back can you please make sure that he doesn’t come near me? I am not ready to face him quite yet, I hate to ask you to get in the middle of this but,” you look at him, hoping that he will agree.

“Of course, we will get you straight into the bathroom and then in your bunk so that you can read or whatever and decide when you are ready to see him,” he says before opening the door to the bus so that you could get on.

You do and quickly notice Ryan and Justin sitting on the couch, who both look up at you.  You just continue past, not saying anything as you make your way towards the back.  But you pause when Violet toddles over to you, wrapping her little arms around your leg.

“You sad?” She asks you softly, noticing the look on your face.

You pull her up into your arms, giving her a tight hug as you soak in the love she is giving you. “I am sad Violet, but it is okay to be sad sometimes. Thank you for the hug.” You decide being honest is best, but not too honest.  You set her down before you continue to the back and take a seat in your bunk for a moment, grabbing your makeup remover wipes before heading towards the bathroom.

“Nope, stop.  Let me at least help clean you up first,” Vinny says, making you sit on the floor in the hallway as he takes the wipes from your hands and helps you clean up your face.  Making jokes to get you to smile and laugh, which is exactly what you needed at the moment before you get in your bunk and take some time by yourself to just watch your favorite show on your phone and disassociate from everything for a little while… until you get a message a couple hours later.

“When we get to the hotel tomorrow can we talk? Justin said he would watch Violet and I feel like I need to explain things to you.”