#I don’t like most apple combination things

[dinodaweeb]

Living with a gangster

Mafia man x Gn!Reader

Summary: moments in your life when your weirdo of a boyfriend gets you both in the most randomness possible scenarios. You love him though

a/n: ummm ummm writing for now bc my Apple Pencil broke so yeah!!

You’re on the couch, unwinding after a long day. The soft hum of the TV fills the room as you kick your feet up, enjoying a rare moment of peace. That peace shatters the moment your boyfriend walks through the door, looking like he’s been through hell and back.

There’s even stains on his white pants. Gross.

Bruised, bloodied, and entirely too proud of himself, he barges in with a grin plastered on his face. “I brought you something,” he says, and there’s a certain cockiness in his voice that you’ve come to expect from him.

You turn to look, already knowing whatever he’s holding will be ridiculous. “What is it?”

You ask, trying to suppress the exhaustion from your voice.

With a flourish, he reveals a ragged, battered stuffed bear. Its fur is matted, and there’s a stain that could be blood—or maybe it’s just the bear’s battle scars. One of its eyes is hanging by a single thread.

“A battle bear,” he announces proudly.

You stare at it for a beat. “A what?”

“A battle bear. I had to fight a bunch of idiots to get it. It was a whole ordeal, but I thought you’d want it.”

You blink, deadpan. “So you got into a fight for a stuffed animal?”

“Yup,” he says, a little too smug for someone who just looked like they were hit by a bus. “It’s yours now. For protection, obviously. You’ll be safe with this thing. Like a bodyguard, but fluffier.”

You glance from him to the bear. “This thing looks like it’s seen better days. What kind of fight were you in?”

“It’s fine. Just a little blood. Nothing serious,” he assures, his grin widening. “So? Do you love it?”

You pause, still eyeing the mangled bear. “Sure, I guess. I don’t know if it’ll protect me, though. It looks like it’s seen as much action as you.”

He flops onto the couch next to you, snatching up the bear. “It’s a symbol of my dedication. Don’t downplay it.”

“You could do anything with it cry with it, cuddle, feed it, maybe even tell it about how much you love!”

“Nice try.” It’s just a thought but you are thinking he’s going to be the one to do those things.

It’s been a long day, and you were hoping for some peace. You’ve barely sat down on the couch when your boyfriend bursts in, completely out of nowhere, practically vibrating with excitement.

“I missed you!” he exclaims, then immediately starts some unholy combination of spinning, hopping, and awkward flailing. His hips are nowhere near Shakira’s level of shaking.

He’s rattling like a broken supermarket cart.

You stare at him, eyebrows raised. “What in the world are you doing?”

“This is my I missed you dance,” he says, spinning once again like he’s in some bizarre action movie. “It’s a tradition now. Every time I come home, I perform it to show my appreciation for you.”

You blink. “A dance?”

He nods, still twisting around, his limbs making chaotic, out-of-rhythm movements. “Yup! It’s a way of showing how much I care about you.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” you say dryly, eyes narrowing as you watch him crash into the coffee table, almost toppling over the lamp. You can’t help but let out a sigh. “Are you done yet?”

He doesn’t answer, too busy still trying to perfect whatever this is. His leg kicks too high and knocks into the side of the bookshelf. He spins again, only to hit his elbow on the doorframe.

“You’re really not helping your case here,” you mutter, leaning back. “How exactly am I supposed to take you seriously when you’re like this?”

With a grunt, he halts his movements, standing tall like he just finished a perfect performance. “I’m a dangerous man, babe. Nobody could top this move.”

You stare at him, deadpan. “You’re a mess.”

He grins like he won the lottery. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

You walk through the door after running a simple errand. But as soon as you step inside, you’re met with your boyfriend standing in the living room, hands on his hips, wearing a look of complete panic.

“Where have you been?” he demands, voice high and tight with concern. “I’ve been worried as shit.. Do you know how long it’s been? What if something happened to you? Like if a Mario cosplayer asked for your number? Or if my boss figures out we make passionate love in ghost face costumes?”

You stop dead in your tracks, surprised by the sudden wave of intensity. “I was gone for two hours. I was grocery shopping,” you say, already regretting not texting him sooner.

His expression doesn’t change. “Two hours? That’s two hours I had no idea where you were! You could’ve gotten hurt! Kidnapped! I could have sent the team after you!”

You blink, trying to process his frantic words. “It was just the store. I’m fine. I didn’t even leave the neighborhood.”

“But what if something happened?” He’s pacing now, completely ignoring the fact that you’ve been walking around the block for the last hour. “You could have been in danger, and I wouldn’t have even known! What if the old man that looks like Santa Claus down the steep seduced you?”

“What—“

“And was successful. Who am I to Santa? Nothing but a little elf whore…”

“Um.”

“Actually fuck Santa. He ain’t shit.”

“Okay.”

“Anyways, Do you want me to hire bodyguards?”

“I’m not a delicate flower,” you say, trying to stay calm. “You don’t have to act like I’m going to break if I leave for an hour.”

He stops pacing, suddenly pulling you into a tight hug, his arms firm but careful. “I know, I know. You once broke my back when we were roleplaying WWE. And in be—“

“Oi.”

“Besides! You’re my responsibility. I need you safe.”

You sigh, your annoyance melting away as his possessiveness becomes more endearing than aggravating. “You’re a freak, you know that?”

He smiles into your shoulder, his tone softened. “And you match it~”

You couldn’t deny that.

You’re lounging on the couch, scrolling through your phone, when you hear the front door open. Your boyfriend walks in, holding two absurdly oversized leather jackets with a grin that suggests he’s up to no good.

“Guess what I got!” he announces.

You glance at him, already sensing where this is going. “What now?”

“Matching jackets,” he says, looking far too pleased with himself for someone who just spent way too much money on something totally unnecessary.

You look at the jackets, confused. “Those things are huge. They’ll swallow me whole.”

“Nonsense!” He’s practically bouncing with excitement. “It’s part of the look. Look how badass we’ll look together. We’ll be like this power couple!”

You pull the jacket on, and it nearly engulfs you. You feel like you’re drowning in leather, and you can barely move your arms.

You glance at him. “This is a terrible idea. I can’t even lift my arms.”

He looks at you with a deadpan stare. “Exactly. That’s the point. We’re untouchable.”

You sigh, crossing your arms, trying not to let the ridiculousness of the situation break your composure. “You realize we’re going to look like two absolute try-hards?”

“Nope.”

He shrugs, unfazed. “I look hot. You look hot. Who cares about looking normal when you look cool?”

You snort, rolling your eyes. “We look like walking couches.”

It happens when you’re having an absolutely normal movie night. Popcorn, blankets, a chilled drink. Everything’s perfect. And then, in the middle of a dramatic scene, your boyfriend suddenly turns to you with a completely straight face.

“I killed someone today,” he says, his voice holding the same tone if he just did a wet fart. “45 years old. Kids. Pretty tragic, actually. But he had it coming. I mean he did—”

You freeze, popcorn halfway to your mouth. “Wait. What?”

He shrugs, clearly uninterested in your reaction. “Yeah, I mean, he was a threat. Had to be dealt with. He won’t be a problem anymore.”

“Are you… are you serious?” You blink rapidly, your mind struggling to catch up with what you just heard.

“Yeah, well, that’s gang life for you.” He leans back, popping a piece of popcorn in his mouth like he’s just told you about his day at the office. “It’s not all fun and games, y’know.”

You can’t form a coherent response, too shocked by the casual way he talks about murder. “You just… killed someone. And then sat down to watch a movie?”

He glances at you, unphased. “Yeah, and? We were supposed to watch this, right? Can we watch breaking bad next? Bald Walter is spank bank material.”

“Um ew.”

“Just don’t sweat the small stuff, babe.”

You stare at him in silence for a moment, the absurdity of the situation slowly sinking in. “You are the weirdest person I’ve ever met.”

“Thanks. I try.” He says it so casually, then immediately falls asleep like it’s just another day.

What the hell.

[asterias-record-shop]

you belong to me (c.s)

**warning, themes of owning and claiming people (more so emotionally but y’know), slight dubcon and cnc, saying no without really meaning it, toxic relationship, dark dark DARK fic

Coriolanus learned in life that he liked to own things. People. He didn't like to be owned, he liked to own others.

When him and Tigris fell on hard times, there wasn't really much he could do besides fake the fact that their family still had some sort of wealth. He had just gotten chosen to take Lucy as his mentee, and he despised the fact that he had gotten such a... throw away tribute.

Until she did that little stunt that got him all of the attention — yours included.

“Now Coryo,” you cooed as you came behind him, your hands slowly clasping his shoulders as you leaned down. “You are aware that you are still mine tonight, right?”

Coriolanus swallowed. He didn’t like to be told what to do, but with you, he had to. And he didn’t complain as much as he felt like he should when the orders came from you.

He felt his jaw clench, ticking as you leaned down, whispering in his ear. “I better not see her hands on you tonight,” your voice makes him shiver, and he hated that. “If I do… you should worry very much about your fate.”

He wasn’t sure why your threat on his life didn’t bother him. He knew that you would definitely follow up with that threat.

“Y/N,” your name was like honey on his tongue, addictive but too sweet. Like him, you liked to own people, whether they knew it or not, and he knew that you owned him. He hated that. “I want… I want-”

“Want to what?” Your hand gripped tighter on his shoulder, the Academy Rogue red making him shiver. He hated the effect you had on him. “You belong to me, Coriolanus. No matter how much you fucking hate it.”

“Stop.” He growled out, eyes darting around the library. What would Highbottom think of the daughter of one of the most prominent family’s in the Capitol being on him? “Stop it.”

“And if I don’t want to?” Your hand slowly clasped around his throat, inching up to hold his jaw and push his head back to look up at you. “You’re weak, Coriolanus,” your thumb trailed his lips, humming as you tilted your head down at him. “You wish I couldn’t tell how much you want me.”

That made him swallow, trying to look anywhere but you before your fingers slapped against his cheek.

“Look at me.”

Quickly, his blue eyes snapped to yours, Adam’s apple bobbing. He hated that you could read him so easily. You were just as twisted as he was, and he hated it just as much as he was infatuated with your twist of insanity.

You leaned down, lips pressing firmly to his. You tasted so fucking perfect, something he could only describe as pure addiction.

He knew better than to kiss back, holding back a moan as you slowly pulled his chin, forcing him to open his mouth so you could dip your tongue in.

“Kiss me back,” your voice was breathy as the hand in his hair pushed down his neck and shoulder, beginning to unbutton his light blue dress shirt before your teeth grazed his lips. “Fucking kiss me back.”

He didn’t have to be told twice. He leaned up to chase your lips, letting out a soft groan as your teeth graze his lips. It felt stupid to be at someone’s mercy with just one touch, and normally he was the one doing the touching and another being at his mercy, but not with you.

“Look at you, finally understanding how to listen,” your voice turns into a coo as you pulled away, his lips still parted as though he was waiting for you to kiss him again. “You’re so pretty, Coriolanus…”

He swallowed as you pulled your hands off his body, humming. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Y/N,” he cleared his throat as you started to walk away, your tight skirt catching his eye before you turned around. “Is there something… specific you want?”

You hummed softly, your head tilting to the side slightly in thought.

He felt his fists clench. There was so much he wanted to do, so much he wanted to do to you. He could own thousands and all of them combined wouldn’t amount to the pleasure of owning you, the crown of District 1.

“Nothing I can think of,” you hummed, but then you smiled. “Surprise me.”

Coriolanus hated how big your house was. It was almost just as big as the academy, and that got on his damn nerves.

“Coryo…” his name coming from your mouth sounded like a siren song as you sat behind him on your bed, cooing in his ear. “What are you thinking about?”

He couldn’t lie. “How big your house is.”

His words make you laugh. “And why are you thinking about that when your thoughts should be me?”

“They are.”

His thoughts were always about you. How he wanted to claim and own you more than anything in the world, how he wanted to take everything from you and give it all back from his hand. He wanted to claim you, he needed to have you.

“They don’t sound like they are,” your teeth grazed his earlobe, kissing down the side of his neck with a soft groan. “What are you thinking about?”

He couldn’t lie to you. “How big your house is.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. “You miss it, don’t you?” He didn’t know what you meant until you grabbed his chin, forcing him to look up at you. “Your wealth.”

He did miss it, he really did. He knew, though, that he’d have yours soon enough. He didn’t even need to kill you for it, not that he wanted to.

“Yes.”

“Good,” you breathed against his lips, tongue trailing his lips before you pulled away. “I can give you wealth, Coryo.”

“I don’t want wealth,” he did, but he wanted what came with it. You knew what he wanted. “You know I don’t want wealth, Y/N.”

A soft hum escapes your mouth as you softly stroked his face, tilting his head slightly. “What do you want then? I want to hear you say it.”

“You.”

He didn’t say what he wanted of you though. He wanted to own you, every single part of you. He wanted to take everything away from you and give it to you from his own hand, to own you like you owned him now. He wanted you.

“You forget that you belong to me, Coriolanus,” you hummed into his ear, rubbing his shoulders softly. “Not the other way around.”

He did know he belonged to you and he hated that he loved it. He hated that he loved the fact that you owned him — body, mind, and soul.

He just wanted to own you instead.

“I’m okay with belonging to you,” he whispered, swallowing before groaning into your mouth once you kissed him. “Just as long… as I’m the only one that you touch like this.”

He wanted to be the only one you touched like this, but he wanted to be the only one who touched you more. He wanted to be the only one touching you, kissing you, fucking you, cumming inside of you, claiming you.

“Coriolanus,” you cooed as you brushed your mouth against his, your hands slowly pushing from his shoulders down his chest, slowly slipping off his blazer. “Why would it matter if you’re the only one?”

“Because I don’t want anyone else to have you,” his vivid is rough as he chased your lips, a soft groan leaving his mouth as you started unbuttoning his shirt. “I don’t want… I want you. Only you. I only want to have you.”

He hated how vulnerable you made him, but he loved it just as much.

“You’re so selfish, Coryo,” but your fingers pushing against his toned abdominal muscles made him swallow. “I think I know what I want tonight.”

There was many things you could have wanted to do.

“What?”

“I want to start working on our future lineage,” you whisper against his lips, pushing your hands up into his hair and softly scratching his scalp before you tugged his head back by his hair. “I’m going to bring your name back into its rightful place in society,” you kissed his lips again, humming. “And I’m going to show everyone how fucking powerful we will be. And how I own Coriolanus fucking Snow.”

He doesn’t protest to your words, no matter how much he wanted to fight back against you. He was thankful for the fact that you were going to bring you back into his formal place in life, and he would get everything he ever wanted — your estate, your wealth, your power.

He didn’t even have to kill you for it.

Nothing amounted to what he really wanted though — which was you. This would tie him to you forever, and that was what he truly wanted.

That’s why he didn’t protest as you started unbuttoning his undershirt.

That’s why he didn’t protest when your hands pushed down to his slacks, unbuttoning them and unzipping them, his hands even joining yours as you kissed against his neck.

That’s why he didn’t protest when your fingers trailed over the grooves on his strong abdomen, tracing his abs.

“I would be honored.”

Coriolanus enjoyed the sight of you riding him very much. He enjoyed the feeling even more, your perfect, plush walls clamping down on his cock as you rocked your hips into his.

Your head was thrown back, whines and moans escaping your lips as he kept his hands steady on your plush hips. “Fuck,” he cursed, unable to keep his eyes off of you as your hands on his chest kept you steady as you finally looked down at him. “You can go harder, you know.”

When your nails dug into his chest, he didn’t even know he said something wrong. He couldn’t control the slight gasp from his lips as he exhaled shakily, your hips starting to move faster and rougher.

“Don’t tell me what I already know,” you gritted out between your clenched teeth, holding back loud moans to save yourself some sort of dignity. Everyone would know very soon Coriolanus Snow belonged to you and he was the man who had his cock in your oh so desired pussy ever single night, but you wanted to save that until you announced you were pregnant with his child. “Coriolanus…”

When you finally moaned his name, he knew you were close and he would have to cum with you. He had been holding back ever since you started your rougher movements, his stomach visibly clenching as his chest rose up and down quickly to match his breaths.

You had been trying for a long time to get pregnant with his child, ever since your parents instilled in you that you were their last legacy and you needed to ensure that you had something to leave everything behind to if anything ever happened. For most of the time that Coriolanus was able to have sex with you since you claimed him as yours, publicly in the Academy’s library long before you kissed him by forcing him to eat you out while you studied — something he truly didn’t protest to — you took preventative measures, but not anymore.

You were ready this time, and he was more than happy to give you something that would make you his forever.

“Cum,” he groaned, his dominant mindset threatening to push through his forced submission act. You liked being in control, and if he didn’t listen, he knew he wouldn’t be able to feel you for a month. He couldn’t go that long, as it could’ve been his sixth punishment that sent him over the edge to finally take you as his own. Every punishment made the state of celibacy longer, and he had gotten so addicted to feeling your cunt around his cock that he couldn’t bear getting another punishment. The sooner you came, the sooner he was able to take control. “Please cum.”

Your hand moving from his chest to his throat made him groan, a slight pressure from your thumbs pressing against his windpipe as you got rougher in your thrusts. You were finally letting out all of your whines and moans he loved so much, chasing a high only he could give you.

“Don’t fucking try to take control!” Your other hand pushed into his hair, giving a sharp tug as you forced his head back, the pressure of your thumb preventing him from moaning. “You belong to me. I own you!”

He couldn’t stop himself, his hips snapping up into you and making your eyes roll back, hitting that spot that made you gush all over his cock. He knew your vision had gone white and you were in that state of pure bliss and orgasmic pleasure that he could finally take control like he wanted to.

Coriolanus was quick to force you onto your back, pulling your legs over his shoulders as your hands tried to hold onto something, anything.

“No, no!” You sounded like a spoiled brat who didn’t get her way, and in a way, you were. You weren’t in control anymore. “Stop it, stop it! You listen to me!”

“Shut the fuck up,” Coriolanus growled as he leaned down, pressing his lips to yours. You squealed and tried to push him off, trying to take control again and even biting his lip. He groaned as you dug your teeth into his pale pink appendages, drawing blood so that when he pulled back, your mouth was stained red.

Oh but did he laugh, driving his hips forward so much so that you were pushed into a new position; your ankles crossed and forced over his left shoulder as he drove his hips so far against you that your ass was lifted off the bed.

“You fucking bastard-!” You spit out red stained saliva, saliva stained with his blood until his thumb gathered said saliva and forced it back into your mouth. You choked as he did that, teeth gracing his finger before he pushed the pad of his thumb back into your throat.

The action had you choking and gagging as his thrusts got rougher, the feeling of your walls fluttering and clamping down on his cock threatening to make him go crazy. He was so close, so so close.

“Spoiled brats need to learn their place,” he growled out, thrusting roughly with each thrust as he tilted his head back, savoring the feeling of your plush walls on the shaft of his cock and your hot, wet mouth around his thumb absolute bliss. “And who they fucking belong to.”

He pulled his thumb from your mouth, focusing on his thrusts as you squirmed and whined beneath him, letting out soft coughs between your moans as you swallowed. “Fine. You can have control this once.”

‘This once’. He knew by the time he was finished you’d be begging for more.

He groaned as he pushed his hips forward, scooting further up the bed and watching you squirm, a loud scream coming from your lips. He wasn’t even thrusting anymore, merely rolling his hips as he was balls deep inside of you. Each roll of his hips still pushed him into new places you’ve never felt, building the height of another orgasm at this new angle as you clawed at the sheets.

Your expensive bed started to creak at his thrusts, headboard slamming into the wall as tears welled in your eyes from the amount of pleasure he was giving you. “C-Coriolanus!”

“Say it,” he growled out the order as his hand moved to hold your throat just like you held his earlier, his other hand hoisting your legs farther up his chest which made you scream out. “Fucking say it.”

His hips moved rougher and faster as you sobbed, whining. “Say what?! What do you want me to say, I want to cum, I want to cum!”

He stopped his thrusts, something he barely managed to do without cumming himself. The stopping of his thrusts made you sob harder, trying to force your hips into his, but it wasn’t the same. You slapped your hands against his chest, tears streaming down your cheeks as his hand moved from your throat to your cheek, delicately wiping your tears.

“Fucking move!” You sobbed, whining as you continued to squirm.

“Say you belong to me.”

His words made to gasp. Your face was so outright shocked and offended, mouth agape and eyes wide as you stared at him, tears still pricking your eyes.

“Say you belong to me,” his hand moved back down your throat, putting pressure on your windpipe making you choke as he leaned down. Your legs being pushed farther down to your chest made you whine, but the slight spark of pain did nothing but make you want to cum more. “Or I swear you won’t cum ever again.”

Another sob racked your body, but your tears wouldn’t work on him. He knew you.

“Please Coriolanus, please!” You continued to sob, but his hand only tightened until you choked, sniffling as you rolled your eyes. “Fucking bastard.”

He knew those tears were fake.

“I belong to you,” you choked out, spitting the words as though they were a curse as you glared up at him. “I belong to fucking Coriolanus Snow.”

A sharp thrust of his hips was all it took for you to come undone, a true son of pleasure leaving your mouth as you came, but he still didn’t stop his thrusts. He pulled so far out of you that you felt empty, unable to even ride out your orgasmic high in pleasure before he slammed right back in. You felt your eyes roll back into your head, mouth still wide and agape but this time in pleasure as he continued to choke you, gasping for air.

“You belong to me,” he growled out, continuing to fuck and use you until he was on the verge of his first climax. “I am going to fucking get you pregnant.. I’m going to take everything away from you just to give it all back from my fucking hand. You will belong to me — mind, body, and soul — until your heart stops beating.”

He leaned down as you continued to sob, the feeling of being folded likw a whore not foreign but still ever the less slightly painful. “Your mind will learn that you can only depend on me,” he gave a sharp thrust, almost to solidify his statement, a snap of wood slightly knocking you out of your senses to alert you he broke your bed. “Your body will be turned on with just one graze of my touch,” another sharp thrust and a creak of the bed made you moan, because that was all you could do. “Your soul is mine. Tied to my own for the rest of eternity. Do you understand?”

You nodded mindlessly as he smirked, pulling your legs from his shoulders to wrap around his waist as he continued to roll his hips, moaning into your ear as he came a spurted hot, thick ropes of cum into your womb.

This was what you wanted, right? It had to be.

You felt your arms wrap around his back, moaning at ever lazy thrust as he pushed his hands down your body to feel your stomach. “You better get used to this, because there won’t be a day in our lives where I won’t fill you with cum. I don’t care if you’re pregnant or you’re nursing or whatever the fuck you’re doing. I will fill you with cum every single fucking day and you’re going to love every second of it.”

He watched you nod, your eyes hazy as you stared up at him, a slight laugh coming from his lips. This was the first step of getting you to depend on him mentally, and he loved it.

“I don’t care what you’re doing,” his thrusts get more steady, building back up the strength as your bed began to creak louder, but the sound didn’t even register in your brain anymore. Your eyes never left his. “I will be fucking you every single second. I’ll dump every fucking load into you, into every single one of your fuckable holes, and you’ll be my personal little cocksleeve that’s so fucking cockdumb and such a fucking whore that you’ll be begging and waiting for me. Right?”

“Yes,” you groaned, your hips starting to roll into his. “Yes!”

“Say it again,” he cooed softly, taunting you. You were finally his and he loved it. “Say you’re mine again. Like you mean it.”

“I belong to you,” you moaned out, nodding as he continued to thrust into you. “I belong to you!”

He laughed. “There you go darling… you belong to me.”

Oh you loved it.

I do not ever give consent to my work being published on other platforms or being translated at any point, even if it is a request. If my work is on any other platform, it’s without my permission. Your media consumption is not my responsiblity.

© asterias-record-shop

[bitchesuntitled]

Xerox

Pairing: 90sXerox!Pedro(Jamie Diaz) x f!reader

Summary: Jamie is a shy young man who doesn’t know what he’s in for.

Warnings/Tags: MDNI(18+ only), nervous Jamie, he really isn’t sure what he’s doing, flirting, fingering(f!receiving), unprotected PinV(be smart don’t do this), cumshots, copier shenanigans, if I missed anything that should be added let me know!

A/N: Thank you much to @beefrobeefcal and @strang3lov3 for their eyes and enthusiastic encouragement on this, without them this would not be a thing. Thank you @jay-zzle as always for the moodboard cause I was gonna cry not knowing how to add the GIF thing because I am canva dumb. Thank you to @merz-8 and Bug again for helping me come up with a name

@saradika-graphics for the dividers

Masterlist||AO3

It was just another day for Jamie. Get up, work at the copy shop, help people with their stacks of papers, and continue on like any other boring day. He was standing at the copier in the back, keeping track of the amount of papers coming out. He had been pinching pennies as best as he could to ensure he had enough for his books this coming semester. The last thing he needed was his boss, Kent, taking out copy fees from his paycheck like the last time he didn’t pay attention.

“Jamie!” Kent hollered, pulling his jacket on as he exited his office, “I’m heading out to lunch. Watch out!” He cackled, “Looks like the pretty lady’s on her way back here. Must want a piece of you, boy!” he added with a wink.

“Oh, I uh- I doubt that,” Jamie said, his cheeks and neck turning a bright red, “She just comes here 'cause it’s cheap.”

“Well, whatever it is,” Kent huffs a laugh, knocking his fist against the door frame, pointing a finger at Jamie, “Keep doing it.”

“Sure thing,” Jamie mutters, watching Kent leave the back office, “Sure thing.”

The bell above the door jingles as Kent makes his way outside with a morning ma’am as he holds the door open for you. The woman who has been inside this store more times than Jamie can count on his fingers and toes combined. You just started showing up, needing copies of the most random things. Fliers for a barbeque you were hosting, a missing cat flier for your dear friend, your boss demanding copies of a flier for half off on his wife's cheap crafts that she’s had a hard time selling, the list goes on and on. 

You’re gorgeous but Jamie can’t tell if you like him or not. Surely a woman like you wouldn’t want anything to do with a guy like him. You’re older than him. He knows because you asked him his age once, then let out a boisterous laugh when he responded with a shy ‘twenty-four’ - commenting how you wouldn’t have pegged yourself as the type, whatever that was supposed to mean. Jamie always prays to whatever higher power there may be that he doesn’t pop a boner the moment you walk through the door, your clothes leave little to the imagination every single time you visit and the way you push your tits together makes him want to lean over the counter and place his head between them and never come up for air.

“How can I help you?” Jamie asks, approaching the front desk, trying not to stare at how much cleavage the simple sundress you're wearing shows off.

“Hello Jamie,” you purr, smiling at him and tapping your nails against the wooden countertop. “Today, I’m here for something a little more… personal.”

“Uh, okay,” he squeaks, eyes bouncing from your tits up to your face, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallows nervously, “What uh- what that might be?”

You let out a sly smile, humming as you tilt your head, your eyes tracing over his features. His hair looks so soft- you bet it would feel like satin through your fingers, the cute dimple on his face when he lets a shy smile grace his lips, and the way his chest puffs out as he stands taller, trying to gain some confidence.

“Well,” you start, his eyes widening as you slink around the counter, heels clicking with every step, “I was thinking - and really, it’s just a thought - but maybe I could see how the copies are made?”

“Uhm,” Jamie hesitates, thick fingers scratching his head, “I don’t kn- I-I mean- m-my boss would probably get pretty mad about that.” He stutters out, as you inch closer to him.

“Is he here?”

Jamie shakes his head back and forth, flinching as your hands skate up his arms, looping your arms around his neck.

“Well then,” you grin, slipping your fingers between the curls at the nape of his neck, batting your lashes at him, “What could the harm be in showing me some behind the scenes?”

Jamie nods dumbly, his arms staying limp at his sides, “O-okay,” he stutters out, “J-just this once.”

—

“Well,” Jamie murmurs, flicking on the light of the backroom, “This is it.”

“Hmm… So this is where the magic happens, huh?” you ask, letting a faint giggle escape your lips as you walk towards the copy machine at the back of the room.

“Y-y-yeah,” Jamie laughs nervously, letting out a harsh snort that sounds eerily like a pig. He coughs roughly trying to cover up the sound of the piggy snort he’d just let out as his cheeks flamed like a tomato in the sun. You turn, looking him up and down with a grin. Oh, he’s cute.

“You gonna show me how to make a copy, Jamie?” You ask innocently, thrumming your fingers against the top of the white machine.

“Uhm,” Jamie swallows, stepping towards you like a scared animal, “S-sure.”

He grabs a manilla folder from the tray beside the copier, taking out a small stack of papers.

“So you just, uh, slide them in this tray,” Jamie says, carefully placing the papers into the top tray, “And then you press this button that says start,” he continues, pressing the button ever so gently as the machine hums to life, sucking the papers in, “And that’s it. Then you just stand here and wait for it to be done.”

“Fascinating!” You exclaim, bending over to watch as the papers shoot out below.

“Then you pull the originals out and place them back in their folder,” he explains, grabbing the folder again, keeping his eyes trained in front so he doesn’t look at you, “And then you grab the copies and place them in with the original. Usually, the copies are really warm.”

You reach your hand over, placing your palm against the warmth of the fresh paper, and let out a satisfied hum.

“Toasty!” you giggle, “So do you only make copies of the stuff you’re supposed to?”

“Yeah,” Jamie sighs, “My boss has some pretty strict rules.”

You pout, looking into Jamie’s big brown eyes. “Well that’s no fun.” You frown, “I bet you could make some interesting copies.”

“Interesting copies?” Jamie asks, tilting his head in confusion.

“Sure,” you say with a nonchalant shrug of your shoulders, “Don’t most copiers have a flat part on them? Not just this shoot thingy?”

“Oh, yeah,” Jamie says, gripping the thick plastic edge pushing it up with a small grunt, “Right here.”

“Perfect!” You clap, before inching the skirt of your dress up. Jamie’s eyes widen like a deer caught in the headlights of a semi-truck as he sees the trimmed curls covering your mound.

“Uh…” Jamie hesitates, unable to tear his eyes away from the glorious site before him, jaw slack and eyebrows near the top of his skull, pointing to your crotch with a single finger, “I- uh- uhm- you.”

You let out a laugh, gripping his shoulder with one hand while the other holds the copier to hoist yourself up onto the flat surface, making sure to spread your thighs to give him a good look at your glistening pussy.

“Brrrr,” you let out a breath squirming, skin rippling with goosebumps as the cool glass hits your naked ass and thighs, “Little chilly.”

Jamie nervously steps back, unsure of what to do. His jeans growing tighter against his groin the longer he stares.

“Now where is that start button?” you huff, moving your legs to find it, “Ah-ha!” You announce, punching the button with your finger to start. The copier hums to life, a bright line of light scanning your ass and thighs, and swooshes out a perfect copy of your bottom half. You smile, admiring the copy of yourself, looking up at Jamie standing like a horny scared rabbit caught in a trap.

“Come here, cutie.” You curl your finger beckoning him closer. Jamie hesitantly moves forward. You smile as you flip the picture around for him to see. “Does it look good?”

Jamie lets out a pathetic, “Oh d-d-dear,” sounding almost identical to Piglet from Winnie the Pooh, and audibly gulps while furiously nodding his head.

“You ever fucked someone?”

“Uh- uhm-“ he starts, before you shush him, laying your hand gently on his forearm. “It’s okay if you haven’t,” you assure him.

“I have!” Jamie protests, wide panicked eyes bouncing back and forth between your own, “J-j-just not with s-someone like you.”

“No worries, sweetheart,” you smile, letting out a soft sigh and looping your fingers through his belt loops, pulling him closer to cage him in between your thighs, “I’ll help.”

His breath mingled with your own as those brown eyes glanced down at your lips, leaning in to brush his pouty lips against yours with a deep sigh. You smile into the kiss, nipping his bottom lip with your teeth causing him to gasp, allowing your tongue to glide into his warm mouth, easily taking the lead. Your hands slide up his torso to his shoulders, gripping the back of his neck deepening the kiss. Your lips trail down his jaw to the pulse point of his neck while he lets out a small whimper.

“You can touch,” you comment, sucking lightly against his neck, reaching for his hands that are still dangling at his sides unsure, leading them to your center. He lets out a harsh sigh when his fingers brush against your slick folds. You moan, guiding his fingers to that sensitive bundle of nerves, showing him the perfect amount of pressure to use that causes your toes to curl. “Oh fuck,” you sigh, as he slips two of his fingers into your wet hole. His breath becomes ragged, watching as your eyes gloss over from the pleasure he’s giving you.

“Feel good?” He asks with an awkward huskiness.

“Mhmm,” you nod, feeling the warmth spreading through your body, hands reaching to undo the button of his jeans, “Fuck,” you groan, feeling that band tightening in your core as his fingers begin to move faster, “Don’t forget the clit, baby,” you remind as his hand fumbles between your legs.

“Sorry,” he murmurs, swirling circles around your clit with his thumb. He helps you push his jeans and boxers down with his free hand, hard cock standing at attention, leaking from the flushed tip. You let out a frustrated whine when he removes his fingers, gripping his cock to swipe it along your entrance.

“Fuck,” you moan, growing impatient, “Just put it in already.”

Jamie nods dumbly, punching his length in like a straw going into a caprisun.

“Fuck!” he yelps, tightly wrapping his arms around you, resting his head on your shoulder, breathing heavily. Gently, you wrap your arms around his shoulders, running your fingers through the curls at the nape of his neck, trying to soothe him as his cock twitches bumping against your walls.

“Move, baby,” you whisper, softly kissing his cheek. Jamie takes a deep breath pulling out, letting out a sharp whine as he sinks back into you. “Just like that,” you hum, sliding one of your hands to where you’re both connected, swirling your fingers in steady circles around your clit, your walls tightening around his cock. “Oh god! Don’t stop,” you moan, your grip on the back of his neck getting tighter.

“Fuck,” Jamie hisses, his body trembling, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he repeats over and over, thrusting his hips against you three more times before he pulls out. Ropes of his come shooting out onto the flat surface of the copier and your sex. You sigh sadly, looking at the streaky white mess he made covering your inner thighs and core. His hard length jutting out above the glass surface.

Perfect. 

You giggle, pressing the start button, watching Jamie’s eyes trace the flash of light under you, hearing the swoosh of paper coming out. You grab it excitedly with a shimmy of your shoulders, pushing Jamie back a little to hop off the copier, come sliding down your inner thighs, leaning up you give him a kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks for the keepsake, sugar,” you wink, walking out of the backroom.

Tagging some who seemed interested when I shared the WIP Wednesday of this 😅 @almostempty @ace-turned-confused @whocaresstillthelouvre @pedroswife69 @94namkooksworld

Thank you for reading! Let me know what y’all think! ❤️

[cow-smells]

Decisions | you chose: Vinsmoke Sanji x reader

Summary: After a misunderstanding makes the crew think you and Zoro are sleeping together, you're forced to confront the man you have feeling towards in order to make things right.

Word count: 890

Warnings: slightly suggestive at most

BEFORE reading this, make sure you read the prequel (Zoro's ending here)

Read on AO3

Instinctively, your hands came up to grip Sanji’s arms that were wrapped tightly around your shoulder line. Your head tilted up to look at the man towering over you, and from the corner of your eye you could see Zoro practically deflate.

Sanji’s expression softened as you looked up at him – he had his answer.

Sanji’s hand came up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, making you turn to him thoughtlessly. You felt as though you were on autopilot and yet, simultaneously hyper aware of his every feature, of the way he was looking at you as though drinking you in. The simplest brush of his fingertips on your cheekbone sent a wave of heat through you.

He had such tenderness in his voice as he said, “Y/n… You’re the one for me. Since the day you boarded this ship, you’ve been the apple of my eye, the light of my life, the fire of  my -”

            “Hey,” Nami interjected, the tone of her voice a clear warning. Sanji’s lips pressed in to a smile, unbothered by the disruption. His large hands held your face, thumbs caressing your cheeks as though you were the most precious thing he ever had the privilege of meeting.

            “I’m so in love with you,” Sanji continued, “that I don’t know what to do with myself.”

            “You could start by kissing me,” you suggested, a shy smile on your lips.

            “I’ll remind you two that you’re in the kitchen, it’s eight AM and there are other people in the room.” Nami interjected once more – and truthfully, you couldn’t blame her. You were so caught up in the moment you had forgotten about anyone and anything else. Being suddenly pulled out of your haze, you looked at your crewmates – Luffy and Usopp were watching you and Sanji like a telenovela was unraveling before them. Zoro was gone – he must have left the room without you noticing. You were sad to hurt him, but your feelings for Sanji were undeniable.

            “Come, my love,” Sanji took your hand and took to leading you out of the kitchen. “let’s continue this somewhere more private.” Luffy and Usopp cheered and whistled at that (you thought you could hear Nami sigh in between) – heat rushed to your cheeks as you thought of the implications that must have come to their minds.

You felt like a kid, giggling excitedly as the man you loved guided you to the boys’ room (you were silently grateful Zoro took the spare room for himself). Sanji guided you in to the room before following, shutting the door behind himself. Before you could take it all in his lips were already on yours – he had descended upon you with all the urgency he had felt for so long. He had one hand in your hair, holding you in place, almost scared to let you go – the other hand caressing the side of your body, struggling to decide where exactly he wanted to touch, after having dreamt of this moment for so long.

You couldn’t believe this was finally happening – and it was even better than you imagined. Sanji’s lips meshed perfectly against yours, the perfect combination of passionate and hot but still delicate and caring. You thread an arm behind his neck, holding him closely to you. Sanji took that as the go-ahead to take hold of your waist and press you against him, reveling in your warmth, in the softness of your body; you surely couldn’t complain, as you enjoyed feeling the hardness of his muscular chest, the outline of his figure… things you hadn’t felt before.

After a while, you had no choice but to break apart to breath; a need that Sanji didn’t seem to have, because the moment you broke the kiss he seized the opportunity to kiss down your neck, biting lightly until he found your sweet spot. He knew he found the spot because you couldn’t contain your moan. That only edged Sanji on to bite harder, needing to leave his mark on you; you were driving him insane, and you had only just began.

Sanji’s grip on your waist gradually became so strong it would bruise, but you were enjoying it all too much to notice. It was only when you noticed his nimble fingers undoing your shirt buttons – just as you heard Usopp laugh not too far away – that you came to your senses. The crew must have finished eating, and soon your privacy would be gone.

            “Wait,” you took a step back from Sanji. He stopped his assault on your neck, but he couldn’t contain the kicked-puppy expression he had at the loss of you. “we should cool it. For now. With everyone around, and all…”

Sanji cleared his throat, straightening his jacket and stepping closer to you to rebutton your shirt. “Right. You’re right. For now.” With the last words he looked in to your eyes, making sure you knew you would be continuing these activities at a later point. Sanji flattened your shirt, but you were half sure it was just a guise to touch you some more before you had to part. Finally, his hand came to your neck, fingertips lightly caressing the spot he bit hard – where there surely was a frightening bruise forming. “At least now you know you’re mine.”

-

tags: @gardens-light @yeonieesss

[azullumi]

“boyfriend messages” ; diluc & kaveh

info — random conversations between you two that are part of your daily life; alternatively, how does he communicate through text messages?

characters — diluc and kaveh (w/ gender-neutral reader)

tags — fluff, established relationship, modern au ; headcanons

words — 920

note — need me a gossip buddy who’ll film fights for me, also, ignore the timestamps and status bar !! i still have another fic coming up but i need to be focused while writing it (^^)/

;; 🍷

he’s often the first one to greet you in the morning, the first one to give you a call before you start your day, always the one to accompany you.

calls. call. calls. if it’s not so obvious already, this man prefers calling more than texting—prefers hearing your voice than reading words on a digital screen and having to imagine what you would sound like saying them. he always make sure that he calls you at least once each day, even if one of you has to hang up after a few minutes or if you two would only do their own thing and not talk to each other that much. in line of that, falling asleep during the call is something that isn’t uncommon between you and him.

aside from other close friends and acquaintances, you’re the only one in his contacts and the only one he always talk to—his call history is just you accompanied with a few others and your name is always on top of his messages. he has your profile saved with a sweet endearment as its name and a photo that he took of you, in which its existence you don’t know of.

a random thing about him is that he doesn’t use emojis at all, and prefers not using them. it’s not like he doesn’t understand the use of it, it’s just that he chooses not to. on that note, he doesn’t go ‘AHAHAHAHA’ in text whenever he finds something funny—he doesn’t go for the lowercase one either—he simply just tells you: “that’s funny.”

he’s not afraid to tell you that he misses you, that he wants to see you, and just one word from you, one message, a single statement, he’ll be right there at your doorstep to satisfy his yearning and yours also. even if he’s from the other side of the world, he’ll make his way to you as long as you also feel the same.

one thing that he often does for you is drop off gifts for you or have it delivered to your name without your knowledge and thus, he always end up surprising you—sending him a message as soon as you receive it with a bunch of question marks or anything. his gifts are often random, a variety, it could be food, could be books, jewelry, something that has been in your wishlist or cart for so long but couldn’t get, and many more. his reason? he just wants to. it’s not an exaggeration to say that your home isn’t filled with items that you got from him.

have i mentioned that he just loves showing off his affection to you in many ways that he can? he just loves you, that’s all the reason needed for everything.

;; 🌻

gossip buddy and lover boy. gossip is always found in your message history with him, it’s that one topic that has you two talking for hours, often diverting to another one before going back to it at just a mention of a word—“speaking of apples, did you know ‘toilet’ got into trouble because he threw one at the window? also, i heard that he cheated on his girlfriend.”

the most ridiculous code names are being used as a substitute for someone’s name and if someone were to ever hear you or see the chats, they would end up being confused on why are you talking about a water bottle and a shower head having a fight in a bar.

he is exceptionally good at expressing himself through texting despite the many struggles of others when doing so—he uses emojis, gifs, emoticons, images, and everything, it’s not shocking that he uses some combinations even and it’s not also surprising that you’ll get used to his texting language and even adapt to it. although, he often shortens his words whenever he’s in a rush: ‘sry hve 2 go, ppl r clling m’ is translated to, ‘sorry i have to go, people are calling me’ and there’s a mwa (a kiss in the form of words) at the end.

the type to greet you as soon as the clock strikes twelve when it’s your birthday, the type to send the randomest message at the most random time on the morning, and the type that will tell you in advance if he wouldn’t be able to message you for some time as he’s occupied with some things—mainly, his plates—which gets you worried because when he’s at that state, he will most likely forget to take care of himself.

that leads you to having to check up on him from time to time, asking if he had eaten anything and telling him to take a break. he appreciates it really, despite the scoldings he gets from you when you learn of the fact that he had neglected himself, it shows that you care.

he sends photos of himself, a selfie or a mirror photo showing off his outfit before he goes out. he hasn’t said it but he loves it whenever you rain him with compliments, it has him grinning like an idiot on his phone (mans kicks his feet and rolls around the bed).

he just loves talking to you, whether it’s through the mere act of messaging and calling each other or doing it in real-time, gossiping and discussing about rumors that would entertain you both for boths or simply just him admiring you with his eyes as he listened to you blabber about the most randomest things.

© azullumi — do not plagiarize, copy, repost, nor translate any of my works.

[signanothername]

hi, this is like slightly random and I’m not sure if it’ll entirely make sense, but I feel the need to as anyway.

Remember those like two nightmare panels where he lost like a soul but still had a lot more bc he ate 999 apples. Leaving him 998

And there’s also this running joke the only reason nightmare is nice (sometimes) is because 999 sad apples isn’t as bad as 1000.

so wouldn’t that mean with each apple destroyed he may become to be more like himself or even get at the least a bit more humane?

Anon i’m so glad you sent this ask >:)

Ok see that joke of Nightmare being nice cause 999 isn’t as bad as 1000? There’s some truth to it when it comes to my interpretation of Nightmare, but only at the beginning

Like when the apple incident happened and Nightmare got corrupted, his corruption made him go into madness and therefore is what made him go on a rampage killing everyone in his world, but once he settles down, that one missing apple is the very reason why Nightmare’s true self was still inside, had he gotten the last apple soon after his corruption, it would’ve killed what’s left of his passive self (and even killed him completely, considering his body barely held itself together at the time)

But why would it have killed the kind part of him? Cause children have underdeveloped personalities, Nightmare got corrupted as a child and so it shaped his personality as an adult, but that one missing apple left room for Nightmare’s sense of self to stay, the corruption had a single little weak spot that allowed Nightmare’s passive self breathing room to remain and develop along his corruption

But now that centuries went by and Nightmare’s personality developed and shaped itself into who he is now, eating the last apple won’t have much of an effect on his personality but rather his power

Now to the question, would Nightmare lose his corruption with each apple destroyed? I honestly haven’t exactly decided on what i like to think

But it’s gonna be one of three options:

A- he loses his corruption and gets back to looking like his passive self (with permanent consequences to his mind and body that won’t just poof into thin air just cause he lost his corruption)

B- there’s no such thing as him losing his corruption as it is significant part of himself at this point and with every apple destroyed he’d be weaker and weaker until eventually he becomes lifeless

C- a combination of A and B

I’ve yet to make a final decision about what I think, but it doesn’t mean I can’t just go and explore them individually, that’s why I’ve already tried exploring option A, i just never shared it chhcch

But here are my basic thoughts for option A

Losing the black apples means he might go back to his passive self look wise as the corruption lets go of his body

Which brings the question.. would he actually go back to being the kind gentle person he used to be? Would losing the apples mean that Nightmare will be back to who he used to be?

No. Not to me, because again, his personality has been already shaped by this point

Don’t get me wrong, with the corruption gone Nightmare’s thoughts would become a lot clearer in his head, his emotions and pain won’t be magnified anymore and so his reactions will be a lot less intense

But that doesn’t mean the centuries of loneliness, cruelty and fighting would just simply disappear like they were nothing

Nightmare would still be a bitch, just a bit less of a bitch than usual, cause it’s not just a matter of the corruption messing with his head, it’s a matter of how it shaped him as a person

And as you can tell, it shaped him into a cruel bitch

But you also have to put in mind Nightmare has an intense fear of feeling weak, he’s power hungry and is very obsessed with being in control cause he feels like a cornered animal, to him everything and everyone is out to get him and so he has to take the first step and make sure everyone around him fears him

So losing that corruption and by extension most his powers would make Nightmare panic so bad, cause the very first thought that’d come to his head is how he’s now helpless and defenseless exactly how he used to be, and with how he’s infamous as the king of negativity, many might come for his life if word got out that he’s defenseless

It’s a bad situation all around for Nightmare

But it also raises another question

Would Nightmare losing the apples mean he’d actually lose the corruption without consequence? Like would Nightmare just get back to looking like his passive self but with his personality that was shaped by the corruption and that’s it?

It’s something I’ve been thinking of but wouldn’t it make more sense for his body and mind to lose strength as he loses his corruption?

Something I mentioned before is how i like to believe Nightmare’s legs got extremely fucked up after his corruption, I mean come on, his bones broke in every little way you can imagine and he had tentacles get out his back, i refuse to believe that had zero consequences on his body

Like to me i feel like Nightmare might be bedridden for a good while if he loses his corruption, he absolutely would never be able to walk ever again unless he gets his corruption back, and he’d probably be completely out of strength when it comes to his arms, he’d definitely be a bit shaky

And while the corruption isn’t suffocating his thoughts anymore, Nightmare got so used to it that his much clearer thoughts feel loud and painful, the way he experiences his emotions also changes and he doesn’t know how to deal with it at all

Nightmare reaches out for what’s left of him only to be met with nothing but broken fragments that are now missing so many pieces now that his corruption is gone, even when he can still see the shards of his corruption so clearly but they’re no longer part of himself, even tho they’re extremely important to make the shape of him make sense in Nightmare’s head if that makes sense at all chchchhc

So yeah in short there’s no way for Nightmare to simply go back to how he used to be, cause to be “himself” is integral parts of both his passive and corrupted self, losing his corruption means he’s just losing parts of himself that he can never fill back

And at this point, Nightmare has been shaped to be who he is now

What I’m trying to say is that Nightmare true self is now this combination, and to only look at one side (his passive for example) is saying that an entire half of Nightmare doesn’t matter

That’s why to me, Nightmare gets pissed off at Dream’s attempts to save him from his own corruption, cause to him, it means Dream is basically telling him that he doesn’t truly care for him as he claims cause Dream isn’t ready to accept that THIS, is who Nightmare is a whole now

And until Dream shows full acceptance of Nightmare, corruption included (even if he lost said corruption) Nightmare would never believe that Dream truly cares, and even if he believed he truly did, to him, Dream doesn’t care in a way that matters :)

[milliesfishes]

I’m down bad on my period rn, perchance, should you have time and the want to, might you write a little something… like I’m such a grump on my period and I snap at everything, maybe one where the girl had really bad back cramps or something and has to do all her chores and she snaps at Billy???? And she doesn’t even immediately apologise, like she tells him to piss off when he’s being affectionate and she’s trying to do her chores - and it’s really not personal, but idk.

Also It would suck to have to deal with that back then because I mean they barely had period products if at all.

Anyway don’t feel like you have to do exactly that, anything will do I’m not picky THANK YOUUU

I’m also on my period rn anon this was perfect timing <3 ౨ৎyou snap at billy while on your period౨ৎ fem reader x billy the kid

Wearied by the symptoms of what felt like your monthly punishment for lack of pregnancy, you were at your wit’s end.

Where everything had been sunny and bright before you began to bleed, the weeklong misery emerged from the crevices of your womanhood and dragged your vision of the world down to the depths of any good graces. You were dragging through your chores, the sun beating your already mangled body. The sharp flashes of pain in your lower back and belly made it impossible to focus for longer than a few minutes.

Upset at yourself for hardly completing a lengthy list of tasks that should have been done by now combined with the discomfort that had ailed you all day and hormones swimming around your mind, your mood was soured quicker than an unripe apple. Your body was heavy, feet filled with sand or concrete.

The pain was most prominent in your back. It twisted around your spine, ebbing and flowing in a way that would give you hope of it being over only for it to crash back in full force; ocean waves pounding against a rock. As you swept the porch you tried your hand at ignoring it as it pulsed near your hips. It was an untamable thing, demanding attention and heightening when it didn’t receive it.

The broom clattered against the wooden floor as the hand that had been holding it pressed a thumb and index finger right to your eyes. Frustratedly, you clenched your elbow with the fingers of the other, hand, utter discomfort piercing you like a cruel dagger.

This was the torment and burden of womanhood passed down generations, seeming to sharpen its teeth with every new girl. And now it was sinking its fangs into you, no regard for what you were trying to maintain.

In your agony you hardly noticed the approaching figure in the distance wearing a lopsided grin and a time-worn hat. Bending down painstakingly to retrieve the broom, you continued sweeping slowly, dragging the bristles across the porch and gathering the dust and dirt settled there.

The sharp feeling was gnawing at your spine when you felt a pair of arms slide around your figure, drawing you into a warm, solid figure like the sun. Billy leaned over and kissed your cheek, but you kept sweeping, twinged with annoyance that he was interrupting your chores. Another day you would have promptly abandoned them in favor of jumping into his arms. But your immense pain and anger with yourself for your lack of productivity got the best of you. "Billy."

"Everythin' alright, darlin'?" he asked, nudging your cheek with his nose. You said nothing, merely stepping out of his grasp to get another section.

His surprise was evident even in the silence. Beneath the layers of hurt and irritation you felt guilt begin to sprout. Billy hadn't done anything wrong, and it wasn't fair of you to take out what you were feeling on him. But pain is a finnicky thing, and it defied any logic you may have let take the lead on a good day.

"Whatsa matter, baby?" He leaned against the porch railing, frowning and folding his arms. "Didja-"

"Could you please stop?" you whipped your head around, eyes narrowed. "I haven't gotten any chores done and I-" You cut yourself off, lower lip trembling as you realized what you'd done. Eyes widening, you gripped the broom handle like a vice, taking a step back.

Immediately Billy caught on, and he stepped forward, taking the broom from your hand and setting it away. There wasn't any hurt in his eyes, not even under the surface. "Baby..."

Bringing your hands to your cheeks, you covered it, a slight gasp drawing from your lips. Guilt and anger with yourself overwhelmed you. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"

"Shh," Billy hushed, his big palm finding the crown of your head. He pulled you in by the waist to lean against his chest. "'S okay. 'S okay sweetheart. I ain't mad. Deep breaths, c'mon. Deep breaths."

You leaned your head against his chest, clenching his shirt between your fingers. He dropped his lips to the top of your head, burying his nose there. "My girl...what happened?"

Eyes welling up, you succumbed to his everlasting comfort, the slats of the fence you tried to hold up crumbling with his touch. Billy had such an effect on you. He disarmed you in every way, throwing flowers to your thorns and clearing all your smoke. "I-I- started...my monthly...and...it hurts."

Instantly he was gathering you up, taking you inside and setting you to rest on the couch on his lap. Billy tucked your head into his shoulder, pressing his lips to your head. "Where's it hurtin', sweet girl?"

"M-my back...and my..." you blubbered into him.

"Awh," he murmured, big hand rubbing circles into your lower back. "Belly hurtin' too?"

"Uh huh." Your words were muffled by his chest, and he nodded, thick fingers gently working over your back.

"My poor baby," Billy cooed, sliding one palm beneath your belly button. "Hurtin' so bad..."

"I'm sorry I snapped at you," you sniffled, lifting your head. His fingers kneaded the small of your back as he took in your teary eyes, burdened by the awful hormones coursing through your body.

"Aww, my angel." Billy eased you to lie down on the couch beside him, nestled into your spot in his arms. As always you fit there perfectly, like you were created together and then separated, scattered to the corners of the earth to try and find each other again. "It's okay. You're hurtin', ain't no fault 'f yours."

He rubbed your back in a tranquil way until your eyes drifted shut, comforted by the feel of his arms. Billy always knew how to bring you from the deep end, pulling you up for air.

When you rubbed your eyes, finally awakening, he was kneeling beside you, irises tender as he watched you wake. Thumb rubbing the side of your face, he whispered, "How're ya doin', angel baby?"

The previously knife-like pain had dulled, barely throbbing against the creases of your back and corners of your belly. Blinking sleepily, you shifted on your side comfortably. "Better." Then a spark of panic lit in you, and your elbows supported you as you lifted yourself up. "My chores-"

"Just finished 'em up," he assured you, hand holding your cheek. "You shouldn't have to lift a damn finger when you ain't feelin' good."

Smiling gratefully, you wrapped your arms around his neck, leaning into him. "Thank you."

"Ain't a problem, my love." Billy stroked your spine lightly, soothing any leftover aching. "I always know somethin's off when my sweet girl's upset."

There in the space of his arms, you found that the horrible beast of pain had quieted, silenced by your lover's embrace. Your body's incontrollable aspects answered to him, quieting when he said so you could be free from any suffering.

"Sweetest girl in the west," Billy mumbled into you, his voice nearly lilted. "I can handle a little snap cause my girl's such an angel anyways."

[louthesawgirl]

What each Saw character would get as a Tesco meal deal (scientifically accurate)

Hello everyone, I decided as my debut long Saw shitpost, I thought I would decide what meal deals different Saw characters would opt for if they stumbled into a Tesco and were a bit peckish after setting up a few traps.

If you’re not from the U.K. or Ireland and are not familiar with the British & Irish institutions of a meal deal, it’s basically a packaged sandwich, pasta pot, salad, bit of sushi maybe alongside a snack item and a drink for a fixed price (it used to be around £3/ €4 but the shops are taking the piss now). Meal deals are considered a treasured institution here and are an indication of your personality. People judge your character based on what you get between two slices of cheap bread.

Here’s what different Saw characters would get for a Tesco meal deal:

Adam (Faulkner) Stanheight

1. Southern fried chicken chipotle mayo sub

2. Doritos cheese flavour

3. Vimto still drink

Judging on how we know Adam is quite an unorganised adult struggling to adult most days, I would assume he opts for high energy foods to keep his tastebuds happy. Cheese, spiced chicken and fruity drinks seem up his street. Plus, Vimto is a very Mancunian thing and if Saw was set in the U.K., there’s no way Adam would not be from Manchester.

Dr Lawrence (Larry) Gordon

1. Eat Your Greens Feta Salad

2. Apple & Grape snack pot

3. Chilled Iced Latte

I feel like because Larry is a doctor, he prioritises convenience but also eats healthily. I also imagine him to be meat free/ vegetarian so that explains the feta & greens salad (I don’t think he’d be vegan though, he seems like he loves proper cheese too much). Larry seems like he’d always be carrying breath mints or tictacs to minimise the cheese or coffee breath- nobody needs a waft of that when being told they’ve got 6 months left to live.

Amanda Young

1. BLT sandwich

2. Walkers Thai Sweet Chilli Sensations Crisps

3. Monster Energy drink (chosen based on packaging colours to match mood)

Amanda is a busy lady planning traps and building contraptions designed to almost certainly kill people. She seems like she enjoys a bit of spice along with classic comfort combinations.

John Kramer

- Chicken & bacon sandwich

- Egg snack pot

- Green smoothie

John seems like he’s mindful of what he puts into his body considering he’s consistently a salt & vinegar crisp away from death with the cancer and all. He’s also a very smart man so he would know the best value for money combination with a meal deal is getting an overpriced fruit smoothie for a drink.

Mark Hoffman

- All Day Breakfast sandwich (triple)

- Walkers Max Salt & Vinegar crisps

- Red Bull

Mark seems like he can’t get enough of bacon & sausage, even though it’s cold and not exactly very fresh. Maybe he’d even have a bit of HP brown sauce with it. Mark would also probably make immature jibes towards vegans and vegetarians because he’s that kind of man. Considering Mark works overtime setting up traps and evading capture, all he’d be drinking by the events of Saw 7 would be energy drinks.

Jill Tuck

- Egg & Cress sandwich

- Arla strawberry protein yogurt

- Bottle of water

Jill is a bit… bland. I’m sorry but I just have to say it. Egg & cress perfectly summarises Jill’s personality as seen in movies 4-7 between two pieces of bread.

Peter Strahm

- Deli style cheese & pickle sandwich

- Smoked salmon sushi pack

- Pepsi Max

Strahm made some good decisions, some regrettable ones and one very very dumb decision during his time in the Saw universe. Just like his track record with making poor decisions, I’d guess Peter would get some supermarket sushi as a snack with his meal deal- not very fresh nor authentic and will leave you wondering why you couldn’t have got a pack of reliable crisps or a chocolate bar instead.

Lindsey Perez

- Feta & sundried tomato pasta

- Propercorn sweet & salty popcorn

- Fanta orange

Perez is a great character and so she would get a meal deal to reflect that. Why do I also imagine Lindsey being veggie?

Eric Matthews

- Meatball marinara sub

- Walkers Monster Munch Pickled Onion crisps

- Red Bull

I feel like this choice accurately reflects Eric. It’s a combination that’s maybe reflective of an immature palette, maybe even a sort of guilty pleasure combination. I wonder if he’d put the monster munch hands (or feet) on his fingers and eat them like that.

Hope you enjoyed my incredibly British saw shitpost x

[cripplepunkbarbarian]

The Bad Kids as lyrics from Apple by CharliXCX. Btw. If you even care…

(explanations for choices beneath the read more)

Riz: Was originally torn between swapping his and Gorgugs. Decided this was more appropriate. Specifically referencing the fact that he’s been stated to be a practically perfect combination of both his parents features as well as the fact that he’s maintained an incredibly close bond with and idolization of both his parents since he was young. “I split the apple down symmetrical lines” also fits for that but since Riz is quite proud of becoming like his parents (whereas his parents are the ones who fear him becoming like them), I decided this set of lyrics fit better.

Fabian: In my mind, the most notable aspect of Fabian’s dynamic with his parents has been his attempts to appeal to them by sculpting his identity to match what he thinks they, especially Bill, want him to be and grappling with his true personality and desires not being what they would be “the most proud of”. Then despite Bills acceptance he is still absent and despite Hallariel’s attempts to be more present she still insists on him being more like Bill. So ultimately he struggles to feel understood by them.

Fig: This specific set of lyrics matching Fig is what prompted me to assign lyrics to the rest of TBK because of how well it fits. “I guess the apple could turn yellow or green” made me think of how different her relationships to her parents could have turned out to be if the infernal side of her hadn’t presented in the way it did, if she had continued living as an elf. But ultimately things shook out the way they did and a lot of Figs dynamics with all 3 of her parents revolve around how complicated the reality of her birth and Sandra Lynn in general is.

Kristen: “I wanna grow the apple, keep all the seeds” applies to her struggle to stay involved in her little brothers lives despite her parents beliefs straining their relationships. To me. Also “But I can’t help but get so angry. You don’t listen, I leave to the airport” being her fall out with her parents in Freshman Year where she tried so desperately to get them to open up and see her side of things but everyone got so worked up/defensive that she was practically kicked out and stormed out.

Adaine: This one feels the most obvious. The Abernant parents were horrible, setting Aelwyn up to act horribly as well in an attempt to appease them, and while we don’t know the rest of their family tree I struggle to see much healthy potential. Adaine and Aelwyn both luckily have loving adults and friends in their lives now but both are still grappling with the effects of their upbringings. Generational trauma realness.

Gorgug: Like I mentioned in the Riz explanation, I almost had them swapped! But ultimately I decided for Gorgug that the lyrics fit better as an allusion to his adopted gnome-bio half orc “natural” barbarian-“learned” artificer identity struggle. While Riz is shown to be (comparatively) fairly comfortable and confident following in the footsteps of his parents, Gorgug really struggles to feel “at home” in either of his parents “legacies”. Being told by others that he’s not brutal enough to be a great barbarian but not smart enough to be a great artificer. Not physically small enough to fit in with his adopted family but not big enough personality wise to fit in with his bio family.

[koji-haru]

Pumpkin Pie

[Based off of @inubaki's pumpkin pie recipe! I've never made or had one before, but I will be making them tomorrow. My first ever pumpkin pie!]

Adam had been at Charlie’s hotel for almost a year now, trying very hard to redeem himself back to heaven. 

The first few weeks of trying redemption had been another form of hell, not just for Adam, but also for everyone at the hotel as the first man’s arrogance and pride made admitting any wrong doings difficult in the first place, with only the king of hell’s own pride surpassing it. And of course, two prideful beings together in an enclosed area…was not a good combination. Things appeared to be rough and difficult to improve until one day there was a knock at the hotel’s door, loud and demanding. And when Charlie opened the door, eager and ready to welcome a possible new guest, an angel, with a presence so holy that it felt like Heaven itself had gone down to her hotel, instead pushed past her demanding to see his husband. That angel was none other than the archangel Michael himself looking for his apparently missing husband, Adam the first man.

Since then, Adam had been taking redemption much more seriously, not really having much of a choice with Michael staying with him at the hotel and ensuring he did every possible thing to get back home to Heaven as quickly as possible. There were some heartfelt conversations here and there, vulnerabilities admitted and exposed, and relationships rekindled and rebuilt even stronger. 

And now, Adam found himself partnered up with both Lucifer and Michael for one of Charlie’s activities, this time baking. Supposedly, cooking together would bring people even closer together through group work and communication. But really, if Adam had any choice, he would rather do all the work himself. Michael, as much as Adam loved him, had many talents across the board except for the kitchen. Then there was Lucifer, the only thing Adam had seen that little devil make were ducks and pancakes and nothing else. If anything, the real job wouldn’t be baking, but to monitor the two brothers and ensure they wouldn’t set the whole place on fire, which Adam didn’t mind but he needed to get back to Heaven (and also he didn’t want to see Charlie upset).

A large, heavy pumpkin laid on top of the countertop, just waiting to be prepared along with the other ingredients Adam had prepared beforehand. He stood in front of it, both hands on his hips as he announced the rules of the kitchen, HIS kitchen.

Lucifer raised a hand. “But why a pumpkin pie? I think apple pies are better.”

“Because I said so,” Adam replied curtly. 

“Pumpkin pies are nice,” commented Michael. 

Lucifer silently eyed Michael, “This lovestruck idiot.” 

“Alright, so some rules before we start. 1) Keep the countertop clean: spills and any messes are to be cleaned immediately; 2) Put things back where you got them; 3) Clean dishes when you’re not busy; and most importantly, 4) Listen to everything I say and don’t get in the way. All clear?,” Adam instructed akin to how he used to talk to his exorcists during training. 

Michael nodded seriously at Adam’s words, knowing fully well how his husband could be when it came to the kitchen. While Lucifer, on the other hand, seemed rather offended at the prospect of being ordered around by Adam. He was the king of this place for Satan’s sake. He looked up, a finger slightly raised, ready to oppose Adam’s fourth rule, when he felt a sharp jab to his side that quickly drowned his complaint back down his throat. To his left, Michael had somehow moved closer to him, giving him a subtle warning look. Again, he was not about t back down, this was his–

“Okay, so let’s start then.” Adam turned around and grabbed the pumpkin off the countertop and it off to Lucifer. “Remove the stem, cut it in half and remove the seeds and the stringy bits. Then go grab a baking tray and place it in the oven at 175C.” He then turned to Michael. “You’re helping me with the crust for now.”

With Lucifer kept momentarily busy with a simple task, Adam had Michael measure and bring him the ingredients he needed to make the pie crust. First the flour and salt into a large bowl, then butter and shortening cut into the bowl with flour. 

“You want to cut them enough that they look like this.” Adam scooched a little to show the course texture of the flour, butter and shortening mixture to Michael.

“Why not make them finer?,” asked Lucifer behind the two, on his tiptoes, curious to see what the two were talking about. Adam jumped, nearly stabbing him with the fork he was holding.

“Don’t just pop out of nowhere! I thought I told you to do something!,” Adam yelled out, startled. 

“Already done,” Lucifer coolly replied as he rocked back and forth on his heels.

Adam squinted at him before handing the two forks to Michael. “You keep breaking the butter and shortening,” he said before making his way to the oven to check on Lucifer's progress. It looked fine enough, nothing seemed out of place. At least until Adam decided to check the oven’s temperature. It was set at the highest temperature!

“Are you trying to burn it into crisp?!,” he asked as he quickly turned down the heat and checked on the pumpkin. Good, it wasn’t burnt.

“No? I’m trying to soften it faster,” Lucifer replied as a matter of factly. 

Adam took a deep breath. They had just started, there was no need to get heated up this early. “175C for around 1 hour, then we check on it,” he said with finality.

“But–”

“Rule number 4, you listen to everything he says and not get in the way,” Michael called out from the countertop.

“Exactly,” Adam added, arms crossed. “Now go grab some ice cold water and help your brother.”

With a small huff and pout, Lucifer marched his way to the fridge to grab some cold water and some, unfortunately, as Adam had told him. Normally, he would simply do whatever he wanted, he was the king for fuck’s sake, but in order to keep Charlie, his precious princess, happy, he needed to play nice. That, and of course because his brother, Michael, who Adam clearly had wrapped around his finger, would ensure he stuck to the rules, just like how he ensured that everything went smoothly at the hotel ever since he decided to stay in Hell for a while. 

While waiting for the pumpkin to soften in the oven, guided the two brothers on how to make the pie crust. They began quietly, working as asked, folding and kneading the dough, then suddenly everyone was covered in flour. Adam’s hair barely even looked brown anymore; how the flour even managed to reach so high up there, he wasn’t sure, but now that he was involved, he sure wasn’t about to back down. 

It didn’t matter who started it at this point, it was an all out war. The first man, an archangel, and the devil, all throwing flour and pieces of dough at each other as they ran around the kitchen trying to avoid getting hit, but got hit all the same. Flour and dough arcing through the air; the countertop, walls and the floor either a dusty white or sticky pale yellow. Almost no spot in the kitchen was spared from the onslaught. 

Lucifer snuck behind Michael and wrapped and pressed a piece of dough on his hair while the other was busy trying to duck from the flying wet dough that was speeding through the air. Michael managed to escape a wet dough to the face in exchange for a dough stuck on his hair, while Lucifer took a loud, wet splat on his proudly laughing face, which was quickly silenced. The sticky dough clung to his face and sent him stumbling down onto the kitchen floor in a slight panic while both Adam and Michael laughed at the site before them

“My hair!,” Michael gasped aloud when he finally noticed the heaviness on his hair, clutching at his hair as he tried to remove the dough deeply entangled in it.

“Ahahahah! Bullseye bitch!,” Adam cackled as he pointed at Lucifer’s pathetic state on the floor. Michael might have been his initial target, but seeing Lucifer like that made the innocent childishness he used to have in Eden bubble back up to the surface. Back when they used to play pranks together, often at Sera and Michael’s expense…

“Oh, it’s really on now!” Lucifer scraped the dough off of his face, a very determined glint in his eyes and a confidently playful curve on his lips.

Just as Lucifer stood up, ready to dish out hell onto the two, a loud, almost deafening sound rang across the kitchen. The pumpkin was ready, but the kitchen was far from it. The three looked around the kitchen and then at each other, before groaning, at least Lucifer and Adam did, while Michael already poofed up cleaning supplies. 

“I’m pretty sure Lucifer started it,” Michael blurted out as he handed everyone their cleaning surprise.

Lucifer gasped dramatically, a hand clutching at his heart, “You’re betraying me! Again!”

“Okaaay, I’ll let the pumpkin cool down while we clean up…,” Adam cut in, not wanting to go down that route. He looked around the chaotic mess that was once a clean kitchen and suddenly felt his head become numb and heavy. Well fuck his kitchen rules, he supposed.

With the kitchen all cleaned up and the pumpkin cool enough, the trio continued their pie making process. Somehow through their earlier mess, they managed to make and save their pie crust, and some still usable though dough for some decor.

The pumpkin puree was made without any more incidents, especially since Adam made sure that Lucifer was distracted enough by asking him, ‘the creative one’, to make decor for the pie using the leftover dough. Adam whisked the sugars, spices, salt and cornmeal into a sauce pan, ensuring they’re the sweetness was to his taste, with Michael as his assistant, handing him things he needed. Then after removing the pan from the heat, he added the wet ingredients, stirring and mixing until everything was smooth and even. 

The two then checked on Lucifer working on the countertop, and unsurprisingly, all the pie decor that Lucifer made were either ducks or apples. 

“Is there any dough left?,” asked Michael. 

Lucifer pointed to his side. “Just a little left.”

Then both Michael and Adam grabbed the remaining and split it between the two of them as they started making their own decor. Little guitars and horned masks for Adam, and swords and scales for Michael. 

“Hey! I’m the head of decor here!,” Lucifer called out, offended at the display in front him. They put him in charge only to take his materials away at the last minute!

“I don’t want just ducks,” commented Michael.

“I hate apples,” added Adam. 

Lucifer simply huffed at his spot. The audacity! In his own home!

~

In the end, the pie was made, miraculously cooked to perfection, decorated with pie crust ducks, apples, guitars, masks, swords and scales, and of course, served with whipped cream! The pie looked good, it tasted really good too, but the three bakers didn’t particularly look good with flour and dough stuck in their hair and clothes as if they themselves almost became an ingredient for the pie. Adam himself was so covered in flour, he looked almost as pale as the two brothers.

Charlie looked around the kitchen, it looked clean enough, the hotel wasn’t burnt down and no one had died, or at least no one that she knew of. There was no need to ask how all three of them ended up looking like that. She would count this as an absolute win!

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

One thing I noticed is that Kataang fans, even ones who are a bit of bad apples still have much more restraint then most Zoots, despite frequently going on the anti-Zutara tag I’ve never seen any of ‘em try to paint Zuko as the worst person ever, and honestly that’s kinda surprising, don’t get me wrong he’s a complex character with a redemption arc, but it’s still would be significantly easier to bend and bad faith him into being the devil especially compared to best boi Aang

Just goes to show how rare media literacy is in the Zutara fandom

I think it's a combination of Aang being the main character, never having been a villain, and Kataang being not only canon but endgame.

I like a ton of characters like Zuko (used to be evil, is not the protagonist but is the most popular character, has tons of fangirls) and a ton of enemies-to-lovers and villain X hero ships (including non-canon/non-endgame ones), and the fandom ALWAYS goes on and on about how these characters/ships are SO much better than "the ones the writers keep pushing" and it is almost never true.

Zutarians hate Aang because he's what they wished Zuko was - the center of the story, good guy from day one so no one really has any reason to dislike him (in universe or in the fandom), obviously gets the main girl, etc. It's pure envy - hence me, someone who very much likes Zuko the way he is, not liking how they turn him into an OC to compete with their bizarro version of Aang.

[sopiao]

hello! can i please request König with a femreader that’s just the embodiment of a cotton ball, a white bunny, a dandelion :))) like she dresses super coquette or semi lolita with cute ruffle skirts and bright colors, loves small critters and spring, gets distracted and excited super easily. and König is just so in love with her x)

don’t feel pressured to write this, ignore if it’s too much or if you’re too busy. make sure to drink water

-☁️

I LOVE LOVE LOVE DESCRIPTIVE REQS LIKE THIS OMG!!! dw bbgs i’ll write anything for y’all :3

ANYWAYS I HOPE I WROTE IT OUT GOOD T-T

I just know that König is one to spoil you, knowing what you like and what you’ve been wanting. And when he sees it, he’ll take no longer than half a second to make up his decision to buy it for you.

Coming back early from deployment he wanted to surprise you, he hadn’t told you that he got out yet. He knocks on the door, waiting for you to answer with a bouquet of your favorite combination of flowers and a gift behind his back.

Smiling at how you excitedly squeal and immediately just jump into his arms. Using both arms to hug and pick you up off your feet, feeling something soft and plush against your back, you step back as he holds up his gift for you.

It’s a huge Rilakkuma plushie that’s holding a small strawberry in it’s hands. Jumping up excitedly you engulf him and the plush animal in a tight hug. Showing both of your bears love.

—

It’s so funny to think about him letting you decorate the bedroom with your own little trinkets, plushies, posters and bedsheets. So every night he shuts off the pastel purple bed light and snuggles up into you under the white ruffled comforter with little cheesy accents on it.

—

Almost every three months you get a new interest into a new hobby. First it was with painting, he dedicated an empty room in the house just for you and your little studio. He picked out the biggest spare room with a big window for you to look at while you painted. König made sure to frame your favorite one in the living room and his favorite in his office.

Then it was sewing and tailoring you’re own clothes, which helped a lot with fitting König’s shirts since double xl shirts are long enough but too loose. And you got to make and tailor your own clothes for cute little dates, flowery sundresses with ruffles, adding a white lace trim to your clothes. (omg i’m rambling)

Which turned into embroidery, where you patched every little hole in you and König’s clothes and bedsheets with small flowers.

So when you trot up into his office and show him a picture of a crocheted bunny plush he’s more than happy to take you down to your favorite craft store and watch you pick out different colored yarns and different size hooks for other projects. His heart is just too soft for you to say no.

—

König loves taking you out to the city during events he knows you’ll love. Walking around with you, more like trying to keep track of you. You have the attention span of a goldfish so whenever you see something you like you drop everything and go look at it.

It won’t so far that he had ti tie a balloon to your wrist to make sure he won’t lose you. He just paid for a trinket you were so fascinated with. When he looked back you were already out if the store and into the busy streets, something catching you’re eye again.

It really was a sight to see a small lady wandering through the streets with such an adorable look and fashion with you’re 6’10 fiancé holding all your new things for you.

—

Now that he’s a colonel he’s more stern with when and how long he gets deployed for. So when spring rolls around, he’s sure that no one from work will bother him and his schedule is cleared. He knows how much you love the spring, how perfect the weather is, how it’s the perfect time for flowers.

König makes sure whatever you wanna do, it’ll happen right when you want it. His favorite thing to do with you is going apple picking, it’s when you have the most motivation to bake apple everything.

Cinnamon apple pie that has beautiful dough decorations, caramel apple cookies, apple cobbler, apple cider donuts, apple fritters, and apple cinnamon oatmeal cookies. König just loves seeing you covered in flower and frosting with your gingham blue apron wrapped around you.

He loves how he gains a little weight during this time of the year with how much you bake and feed him. It’s how you show your love. Either way you love the little bit of his chubbyness, who doesn’t?

—

The first time he let his comrades come over for dinner to meet you, it really was something to see their colonel just melt in your arms when he greets you at the door, introducing his team to you as they take in the warm and cozy atmosphere of your home.

The lighting was soft and comforting, accents and decorations that you picked out was littered all over the house. They didn’t even know he was engaged, let alone a home with you, they all thought he lived in an apartment by himself.

For as long as they’ve known him they would’ve never thought that his home would look like this or give off this type of feeling. They were amazed with how contrasted your and his personality was.

—

König believes that in every relationship everything should be 50/50. So, while you enjoy resting out new recipes for dinner tonight, or making something you saw on instagram, and just overall coating the house and his life in your own little charm.

He does the more controlled and routine stuff. Cleaning and dishes. And sometimes you two clean the house together and listen to music on the speakers. What he loves the most is the laundry.

He loves seeing the mix of his clothes with yours, his boxers getting mixed with your pair of white thigh length socks with a small bow and at the top. He loves separating and folding the clean laundry, folding your pleated blue skirt, and matching white and blue top. He always remembers what outfit you made with each piece of clothing.

[the-witchhunter]

Masterpost for all the DP x DC vodkas y’all have suggested and I’ve made… (so far?)

Previous post here

Burger/batburger/nasty burger

Beefy followed by pickle. Not the worst thing I’ve put in my body. Mainly just weird and combine with tomato juice and a float of smoky scotch it tastes like a backyard cookout burger and is a decent drink.

5.5/10 it’s not the worst but you’ll probably not make it again. Shoutout to @stealingyourbones for making this with me

Ranch 2 (ectoplasm)

Salty af and tastes like vodka and ranch. Unironically makes a good Bloody Mary but not recommended on its own. It’s just ranch seasoning and green food dye. Hard to rank because not good as a shot but mixes well in savory drinks 6/10? Unless you really like ranch and/or Bloody Marys it’s not really worth making again

Dick(Grayson)/fruity pebbles

I mainly just think it’s funny to call itDick flavored so bonus point there. It’s literally just soaking fruity pebbles for a couple minutes in vodka and straining. It tastes great, it’s freaking fruity pebbles 8/10 definitely worth making again. Mix with sprite or just do shots. If you want a stronger flavor soak fresh cereal instead of soaking longer

Jason’s Pit Rage

Raspberries, sugar, and a Serrano pepper. Spicy and grassy flavored up front balanced by the red berry flavors of raspberry and the sweetness. Actually really good and could easily replace the Serrano with a chipotle pepper to add a smoky note. 9/10 do make this one. Good as a shot, on the rocks, or as an addition to a margarita

Green apple (ectoplasm)

Apple jolly ranchers and vodka. It’s good. I don’t think this will surprise anyone. Sweet, apple flavor, it’s welcome if you bring it to most parties 7/10

Lemon/lime(ectoplasm)

Lemon lime kool aid packet and about 375ml of vodka. Add sugar if you want it to be drinkable because I, a fool, forgot for a second and boy it tasted kind of chemical in a way cheap vodka, artificial citrus flavor, and citric acid only can. Sugar, actually makes it taste good. Like a very boozy sprite flavor 6.5/10

Waffle (Steph Brown/Spoiler)

Brown butter washed vodka sweetened with pancake syrup. Don’t use real maple syrup. This is going for waffle crisp cereal taste and you’re going to get closer with pancake syrup than the real thing, or even light brown sugar. 7/10 its fun and tastes nice

And that’s all I got so far. Overall these have all been surprisingly okay to even delicious. Thanks to everyone that made suggestions it’s been interesting at the very least. I might revisit this soon considering I still have vodka and jars

Let me know if you try any of these

[teecupangel]

So this idea has been bouncing in my head like an excited rabbit on caffeine. (I also don't know if anyone else thought of this but I thought it would be cool) so you remember the reblog chain where the players are all in Desmond head talking like a twitch chat, and the other reblog chain of Desmond's ancestor data gaining sentience because isu bstm, right? Well I had a thought, what if we combined the two, like maybe something like the part of the main group + Desmond are trying to get to the others who are in another part of Abstergo or the assassin's network and Desmond, let's say that while he was split he couldn't hear us until they passed through this really corrupted part of an ocean map (let's say it's in Edward's time) then all of a sudden Desmond hears one of us. (Sorry if this doesn't make sense. I hope you have a heath day/night)

I think this is the AC characters data in Abstergo’s database regaining sentience AU reblog chain with @piratekenway you’re talking about?

The Ratatouille AU where the ancestors can hear Desmond while ‘playing’, its more unhinged cousin, the Ratatouille AU where Desmond can hear us and the outside POV of Al Mualim thinking the Apple broke Altaïr and the sidestory of Altaïr accidentally connecting with Ezio while looking for Desmond (I hope I didn’t forget anything else)

Okay, so the idea is that we’re using the setup for the character data gaining sentience and we’re setting this as sorta like the ‘epilogue’ to the Ratatouille AU.

Instead of letting the world burn (“As a treat!” one of the voices chirped), he sacrifices himself. When he wakes up, he’s in Abstergo’s database, chained as a digital copy of Sample 17.

He can’t hear any voices anymore.

Are they disappointed with him?

Did they think they wasted their time trying to help him?

Did he… make the right choice?

He doesn’t know how much time has passed… when the virus started taking over the database and servers.

.

In this one, the virus isn’t made by Erudito + Assassins. It’s of ‘unknown origin’.

All they know is the name of the virus is “for desmond!” and it is targeting Desmond. Of course, Sample 17 is in one of the more secured encrypted ‘part’ of the database so it mutated to wake other data up.

Data that has connection with Desmond.

Along the way, the virus inside them starts waking up other data nearby, creating a strange team to rescue Desmond.

We can sorta play with this a bit and make Arno, Evie and Jacob become part of Abstergo’s database because they do have data of Arno’s descendants and it makes sense that the reason why the Templars knew where the Shroud is because they can access the twins’ memories as well and the Assassins just stole their DNA for their own Animus instead.

So they get to Desmond who is staying in the Grand Temple, just sitting there, staring at the devices, doubting and double-doubting himself if he should have activated the device when the people who care for him the most asked him not to.

Of course, Abstergo’s anti-virus and probably the entire security system is chasing after them so they don’t have time to actually talk.

They just run.

Well, they sailed using a fusion of the Jackdaw and Aquila…

… into a corrupted part of the West Indies.

The idea was… the virus didn’t harm them but it definitely fucks with Abstergo’s anti-virus and security system.

At the very least, they were hoping it would slow them down.

What they did not expect was for the entire thing to collapse under them…

And drop their modified ship into a different unfamiliar ocean.

“Holy shit!”

Desmond blinked.

“That scared the crap out of me. Goddamn it, Ubisoft. I know this is still being betatesting but Jesus Christ, loading the entire ship and dropping it from above??? What kind of programming does this game have???”

“Lollol. Dude, chill.”

“Is it an enemy ship? Like… can you shoot it?”

“Should you shoot it? Check its level first.”

They were all familiar voices.

“You don’t want a repeat of-”

“Guys?” Desmond asked, his voice a bit too quiet.

Hesitant.

He didn’t dare hope that it was them.

Not all of them.

But some of the ones he was most familiar with.

The ones who stayed with him the most.

“Holy shit.”

“Oh my god, Desmond?!”

“What’s Desmond doing in this game?!”

“Is it our Desmond???”

Desmond’s lips curved into a smile and his voice croaked as he said, “Yeah, I’m your Desmond.”

“Oh my god.”

“Desmond!!! You’re okay!!! We were sooo worried!”

“You think this is [Bored Anonymous]’s work??? Did their plan to use all our computers to try and connect with Desmond’s world and send our gift work?”

“Gift?” Desmond tilted his head.

Did they mean the virus?

He felt someone nudged his arm and he turned to look at Ezio. Everyone else seemed confused but Altaïr, Ezio and Ratonhnhaké:ton seemed to have an idea on who he was talking to.

Wait.

They can hear them!

Before Desmond could tell the voices that everyone could hear them now, one of them said hurriedly, “Oh fuck! Someone get [Bored Anonymous] quickly!”

“Why?”

“I only have 1 more hour to play this beta! What happens to Desmond if he stays in this beta server after the time is up?!! We can’t lose him!”

“Ohshitohshitohshit!”

“I’ll alert the discord server!”

“I’ll try to message them in Tumblr! They’re always online there!”

“Pretty sure that’s their queue…”

“We can still try!”

Desmond simply laughed.

Sure, the time limit they’re talking about was worrying but hearing all of them worrying about him…

It felt like he was finally home.

[fallingforfelix]

❛❛sex with felix❞

당신의 사랑은 매일 밝게 빛나는 햇빛입니다

your love is the sunshine that brightens every day

.° ༘🌙⋆🍯₊˚ෆ

synopsis: how i imagine felix in bed

pairing: felix x fem!reader/gn!reader

content: 18+/explicit (MDNI pls!!), borderline smut, non idol au ig, second person pov but no use of ‘y/n’ cuz that shit gives me the ick, reader is described as female in some parts but is gn for the rest

warnings: whiny!felix, whiny kink, praise, degradation, after care, safe words, consent, protection, skirt kink, boob kink, cowgirl, public sex, fantasising, blowjob (m and f receiving), pussydrunk!felix, ab riding, showoff!felix, kissing, making out, hickeys, insecure!reader??, femboy!felix, foreplay, finger fucking, tease!felix, physical touch (cuddles), breeding threats, switch!felix. lmk if i missed anything!!

word count: 800

note: this ff is completely fictional, and based entirely off of my imagination. i feel like this is just all my kinks/preferences combined and a mix of my favourite felix fics. please feel free to share your ideas and opinions on ‘sex with felix’!! alsooo HAPPY STAY WEEK!!

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

i feel like he’d be so whiny in bed

or maybe that’s just my whiny kink

but he’d be so easy to please

ofc you don’t mind though

it just turns you on even more

would definitely shower you with praises

“shit. when did you get so good, princess?”

“i just can’t get enough of you. i need to taste you.”

”fu—uck. you’re so tight babydoll, my cock is practically choking right now.”

but would also degrade you

“you’re such a fucking slut for me, you know that?”

“don’t. don’t fucking cum. wait for me.”

“looks like i’m gonna have to ruin this pretty cunt of yours.”

cuz he knows it gets you dripping

after care, safe words, consent ofc

and protection

(unless you're on birth control cuz, let’s be honest, condoms are a nuisance)

that’s just so felix coded

there’s no way he doesn’t do it

i’ve been possessed by the idea that

felix would either have a skirt kink

or he’d be wearing the skirt

and i just know he’s a boob man

he’d fuck you in cowgirl style

just to see them bounce

he’d encourage you to go braless

even better if you’re wearing a tight white shirt

just to see your nipples poking through

if you went to the beach in your bikini he wouldn’t be able to control himself

he’d check his pulse

and resist the urge to bend you over and fuck you in front of everyone

i don’t think he’d be a fan of public sex though

it would embarrass him way too much

but he’d fantasise about you whilst he’s gaming

imagining you giving him head under the table

or he’d dream about bake sessions with you

where he’d coat you in icing and lick it off

his tongue game is no joke

he’s a rapper after all

143% pussy drunk

his mouth is as good as his cock

i feel like he’d be such a show off during sex

like flexing his abs

or his biceps

also felix has muscles hello!?!?

anyways

he would never tell you this but

he’d love to see you ride his abs

(lwk feel inspired to make a felix drabble on that lol)

i just know he’d cum in his boxers the minute your slick pussy comes in contact with his abs

he’d love to see you getting off to his abs

that’s how proud he is of them

also felix and kissing, making out, and hickeys are like a match made in heaven

every sex session would come after a make out session

he’d kiss you on the lips whilst pounding deep inside of you

would kiss your inner thighs before eating you out

and then he’d place kisses on your cunt

he owns the word ‘hickeys’

he’d mark you everywhere

especially in the places that he knows you’re insecure of

cuz that’s so felix core

he’d even help you cover them up afterwards

femboy felix things..

but he’d love it even more if you were the one leaving those deep, rosy bruises

he wouldn’t care where

on his abs?? yes or yes!!

but you know the spot where he’s most sensitive

his adam’s apple.

boy he’d be so whiny

even if your lips just gently brushed against it

(fuck yeah, i’m making a felix drabble on this one, cuz i can’t be the only one madly in love with his adam’s apple)

foreplay, foreplay, foreplay.

he’d be kissing you, eating you out, and fingering you

before fucking ruining your cunt

he’s a huge tease

he’d go so dreadfully slowly

cuz it makes him throb hearing you beg the way you do

deffo the most gentlest guy ever though

until you tell him to fill you up

then it’s game over for you

we all know physicality is felix’s love language

he’d be so touchy and cuddly

even if it’s nothing sexual in the beginning

(it ends up with felix threatening to fill you up with his babies)

his voice>>

it would drop like 808 octaves

he’d be fighting the red lights intro just to talk to you during sex

his voice would be so raspy and low that you’d be crumbling and wet within nanoseconds

sub felix is literally the most rightfully and respectfully hot human being in this universe

i can’t be the only one imagining how dazed and blissed he’d look after you’re finished dominating him

he’d look so inevitably fucking gorgeous

i feel like felix would be a switch between dom and sub

i could honestly see him as both with no preference

all ik is that he’d 127% pin you down if you called him cute

or he’d become a blushing mess if you called him hot

yes, i’ve made reader fem overall but i feel like he wouldn’t gaf about who he’s sleeping with honestly

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© fallingforfelix, 2024 tag if inspired

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

three weeks down, 12 to go… i said yes to a new student which i’m kind of having second thoughts about but well too late now. (they’re taking the hunter test, so going through january, which is nice since most of my others will be dropping off in december.) that brings me to 12 total, two of whom are twice a week, and also meant that this was another 7-day tutoring week (at a little over 35 total hours of work), lol. the good news is that the content development race is over, with all sets for this leg of the project having been claimed, and while i have a few to do i no longer feel the pressure of “if i do these too slowly i’ll miss out on more hours.” which is already a huge psychic lift! i am not fully prepped for tomorrow’s sessions but i am tbh not worried about it for various reasons, including that tomorrow i will work on some answer keys while watching the indistry finale and it will be nice and chill.

MOST excitingly in work news, i found an app that combined with my new love affair with the apple pencil will i think allow me to compose my work to do lists as i dreamed… thrilled beyond the telling of it tbh. we’re so back.

my room is still very messy but i did a bunch of dishes today. i have not done many of my little habits but i hit five workouts & 70k steps. i think i am going to do as a redditor suggested and treat this 10 week workout program as two 5 week ones with a break in the middle to keep working out but take it easier for a week or so, which means i’m more than halfway done with the first “leg” and also gives me a place to do my covid vax (i don’t… love… that covid vax season coincides with my busy season lol). i have not given a lot of conscious time for fun or rest this week but i kept it moving on a busy donation day for free store & i had a really good zoom talk with my friend i have a standing zoom date with & tonight i got to see faith/void fuck it the hell up on the lower east side with several fond familiar faces in attendance. i also did finish the patrick radden keefe book about human smuggling in chinatown although it came so down to the wire i wound up screenshotting the last 20 pages to finish after libby took it back. today i looked at the silly magicians fic i started right as things were kicking into full gear and found that i still liked the little of it that hours recently spent content developing. in the next twelve weeks there WILL be times when i wonder why i am doing this to myself but i’ve been at this long enough to know now that the answer is that this stretch is what makes possible things elsewhen in the year like sending a few emails and fucking off because i have cramps or i have plans or i’m very busy reading an entire middle grade fantasy series in a single month, plus ofc all of the sleeping in. my goal so far has been to get through it without feeling crazy and so far i feel pretty sane!