#It’s gross and nothing like this
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Living with a gangster
Mafia man x Gn!Reader
Summary: moments in your life when your weirdo of a boyfriend gets you both in the most randomness possible scenarios. You love him though
a/n: ummm ummm writing for now bc my Apple Pencil broke so yeah!!
You’re on the couch, unwinding after a long day. The soft hum of the TV fills the room as you kick your feet up, enjoying a rare moment of peace. That peace shatters the moment your boyfriend walks through the door, looking like he’s been through hell and back.
There’s even stains on his white pants. Gross.
Bruised, bloodied, and entirely too proud of himself, he barges in with a grin plastered on his face. “I brought you something,” he says, and there’s a certain cockiness in his voice that you’ve come to expect from him.
You turn to look, already knowing whatever he’s holding will be ridiculous. “What is it?”
You ask, trying to suppress the exhaustion from your voice.
With a flourish, he reveals a ragged, battered stuffed bear. Its fur is matted, and there’s a stain that could be blood—or maybe it’s just the bear’s battle scars. One of its eyes is hanging by a single thread.
“A battle bear,” he announces proudly.
You stare at it for a beat. “A what?”
“A battle bear. I had to fight a bunch of idiots to get it. It was a whole ordeal, but I thought you’d want it.”
You blink, deadpan. “So you got into a fight for a stuffed animal?”
“Yup,” he says, a little too smug for someone who just looked like they were hit by a bus. “It’s yours now. For protection, obviously. You’ll be safe with this thing. Like a bodyguard, but fluffier.”
You glance from him to the bear. “This thing looks like it’s seen better days. What kind of fight were you in?”
“It’s fine. Just a little blood. Nothing serious,” he assures, his grin widening. “So? Do you love it?”
You pause, still eyeing the mangled bear. “Sure, I guess. I don’t know if it’ll protect me, though. It looks like it’s seen as much action as you.”
He flops onto the couch next to you, snatching up the bear. “It’s a symbol of my dedication. Don’t downplay it.”
“You could do anything with it cry with it, cuddle, feed it, maybe even tell it about how much you love!”
“Nice try.” It’s just a thought but you are thinking he’s going to be the one to do those things.
It’s been a long day, and you were hoping for some peace. You’ve barely sat down on the couch when your boyfriend bursts in, completely out of nowhere, practically vibrating with excitement.
“I missed you!” he exclaims, then immediately starts some unholy combination of spinning, hopping, and awkward flailing. His hips are nowhere near Shakira’s level of shaking.
He’s rattling like a broken supermarket cart.
You stare at him, eyebrows raised. “What in the world are you doing?”
“This is my I missed you dance,” he says, spinning once again like he’s in some bizarre action movie. “It’s a tradition now. Every time I come home, I perform it to show my appreciation for you.”
You blink. “A dance?”
He nods, still twisting around, his limbs making chaotic, out-of-rhythm movements. “Yup! It’s a way of showing how much I care about you.”
“Yeah, I can tell,” you say dryly, eyes narrowing as you watch him crash into the coffee table, almost toppling over the lamp. You can’t help but let out a sigh. “Are you done yet?”
He doesn’t answer, too busy still trying to perfect whatever this is. His leg kicks too high and knocks into the side of the bookshelf. He spins again, only to hit his elbow on the doorframe.
“You’re really not helping your case here,” you mutter, leaning back. “How exactly am I supposed to take you seriously when you’re like this?”
With a grunt, he halts his movements, standing tall like he just finished a perfect performance. “I’m a dangerous man, babe. Nobody could top this move.”
You stare at him, deadpan. “You’re a mess.”
He grins like he won the lottery. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
You walk through the door after running a simple errand. But as soon as you step inside, you’re met with your boyfriend standing in the living room, hands on his hips, wearing a look of complete panic.
“Where have you been?” he demands, voice high and tight with concern. “I’ve been worried as shit.. Do you know how long it’s been? What if something happened to you? Like if a Mario cosplayer asked for your number? Or if my boss figures out we make passionate love in ghost face costumes?”
You stop dead in your tracks, surprised by the sudden wave of intensity. “I was gone for two hours. I was grocery shopping,” you say, already regretting not texting him sooner.
His expression doesn’t change. “Two hours? That’s two hours I had no idea where you were! You could’ve gotten hurt! Kidnapped! I could have sent the team after you!”
You blink, trying to process his frantic words. “It was just the store. I’m fine. I didn’t even leave the neighborhood.”
“But what if something happened?” He’s pacing now, completely ignoring the fact that you’ve been walking around the block for the last hour. “You could have been in danger, and I wouldn’t have even known! What if the old man that looks like Santa Claus down the steep seduced you?”
“What—“
“And was successful. Who am I to Santa? Nothing but a little elf whore…”
“Um.”
“Actually fuck Santa. He ain’t shit.”
“Okay.”
“Anyways, Do you want me to hire bodyguards?”
“I’m not a delicate flower,” you say, trying to stay calm. “You don’t have to act like I’m going to break if I leave for an hour.”
He stops pacing, suddenly pulling you into a tight hug, his arms firm but careful. “I know, I know. You once broke my back when we were roleplaying WWE. And in be—“
“Oi.”
“Besides! You’re my responsibility. I need you safe.”
You sigh, your annoyance melting away as his possessiveness becomes more endearing than aggravating. “You’re a freak, you know that?”
He smiles into your shoulder, his tone softened. “And you match it~”
You couldn’t deny that.
You’re lounging on the couch, scrolling through your phone, when you hear the front door open. Your boyfriend walks in, holding two absurdly oversized leather jackets with a grin that suggests he’s up to no good.
“Guess what I got!” he announces.
You glance at him, already sensing where this is going. “What now?”
“Matching jackets,” he says, looking far too pleased with himself for someone who just spent way too much money on something totally unnecessary.
You look at the jackets, confused. “Those things are huge. They’ll swallow me whole.”
“Nonsense!” He’s practically bouncing with excitement. “It’s part of the look. Look how badass we’ll look together. We’ll be like this power couple!”
You pull the jacket on, and it nearly engulfs you. You feel like you’re drowning in leather, and you can barely move your arms.
You glance at him. “This is a terrible idea. I can’t even lift my arms.”
He looks at you with a deadpan stare. “Exactly. That’s the point. We’re untouchable.”
You sigh, crossing your arms, trying not to let the ridiculousness of the situation break your composure. “You realize we’re going to look like two absolute try-hards?”
“Nope.”
He shrugs, unfazed. “I look hot. You look hot. Who cares about looking normal when you look cool?”
You snort, rolling your eyes. “We look like walking couches.”
It happens when you’re having an absolutely normal movie night. Popcorn, blankets, a chilled drink. Everything’s perfect. And then, in the middle of a dramatic scene, your boyfriend suddenly turns to you with a completely straight face.
“I killed someone today,” he says, his voice holding the same tone if he just did a wet fart. “45 years old. Kids. Pretty tragic, actually. But he had it coming. I mean he did—”
You freeze, popcorn halfway to your mouth. “Wait. What?”
He shrugs, clearly uninterested in your reaction. “Yeah, I mean, he was a threat. Had to be dealt with. He won’t be a problem anymore.”
“Are you… are you serious?” You blink rapidly, your mind struggling to catch up with what you just heard.
“Yeah, well, that’s gang life for you.” He leans back, popping a piece of popcorn in his mouth like he’s just told you about his day at the office. “It’s not all fun and games, y’know.”
You can’t form a coherent response, too shocked by the casual way he talks about murder. “You just… killed someone. And then sat down to watch a movie?”
He glances at you, unphased. “Yeah, and? We were supposed to watch this, right? Can we watch breaking bad next? Bald Walter is spank bank material.”
“Um ew.”
“Just don’t sweat the small stuff, babe.”
You stare at him in silence for a moment, the absurdity of the situation slowly sinking in. “You are the weirdest person I’ve ever met.”
“Thanks. I try.” He says it so casually, then immediately falls asleep like it’s just another day.
What the hell.
#dino’s blurbs#x reader#male yandere#yandere x reader#yandere x you#yandere x y/n#gender neutral insert#gender neutral y/n#gender neutral reader#yandere x gender neutral reader#yandere x gn reader#mafia x reader#the mafia is not cool guys#It’s gross and nothing like this
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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please do yourself a favor and read the labru cannibalism comic. here’s the link. do it. even if you think it won’t be your thing cause of the cannibalism like… no its so good please read it. like is it smut? yes? no? maybe?? is it cannibalism? yeah but no????? are there dungeon meshi spoilers???? yes but also not very obvious ones?????? just…. read it.
#I love it so much like its so fucking good and what for#like I know calling it the cannibalism comic isn’t great but its honestly not that bad or gory or gross like#its consuming as a form of love#its attempting to understand each other#its hunger and love and attraction and lust and consumption and devotion#and its also beautiful! like just gorgeous!\#laios touden#kabru#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#labru#it does have some spoilers for later in the manga but nothing too obvious#and you should read the manga too#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#ALSO READ THE ARTISTS ORIGINAL COMIC LITTLE STARLING ITS BEAUTIFUL
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chimmy changa timmy, why do you hate muffins? am I missing some of the lore?
Timmy doesn't like how they taste. No matter who, how or where they're made, the muffins are all the same to him. It's frustrating because he knows they shouldn't be.
And each time he walks away feeling immense disappointment. Like something should've happened.
He does his best to avoid eating them, but, Timmy found that people react weirdly when you say you don't like muffins. So he eats them anyways. He's unfortunately surrounded by muffin-nuts.
Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]
#fairly oddparents#fop#fop a new wish#fop timmy turner#fop timmy#timmy turner#chimmy changa#asks#itty bitties fop au#elliethewitch#FOR ADDITIONAL CONTEXT#SEASON 3 EPISODE 12#ABRA CATASTROPHE#MUFFINS WERE THE PLACEHOLDER ITEM FOR RULE-FREE WISHES#timmy had a rule-free wish in the form of a muffin#but it kept falling into different peoples' hands#including a monkey and crocker#and every single character has made disastrous wishes#and theyve all commented how nasty the muffin is#chimmy changa doesnt like muffins bcs he feels like eating them should do something BIG!!!#its a weird feeling#bcs its. its a muffin#nothing happens when you eat food.#worse theyre all gross to the tongue :(#ALSO THE CHOICES I MADE FOR CHIMMYS EXPRESSIONS ARE INTENTIONAL. BTW. THERE ARE NO COLORING ERROR IN THIS ONE.#and yeah thats one big fucking muffin.#unfortunately chimmy had the eat the whole thing bcs he was gifted it and its RUDE to NOT finish the thing#i had to hunt down the fuckign. comic panel with kabru in it from dungeon meshi for this one#bcs i think chimmy and kabru has a lot in common#except chimmy's need to read people and situations is more for his own survival than for fun like kabru
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the neverending quest random unfunny 20 follower tumblr users have to become the next slimetony or whatever has once again resulted in people saying weird gross shit that makes no sense and if you tried it in real life would at best get an awkward pity laugh whilst your company mentally noted not to invite you to outings again
#and of course this was appended to a strangers post who was making an actually funny joke which had nothing to do with this#like its not ‘disrespectful’ idgaf abt jesus its just a weird gross image and a completely unnecessary irrelevant edition#who finds that funny.
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queennnn
#miu iruma#danganronpa#lopunny#kiiruma#she’s so funny. her and kiibo are gross as hell and i’d like to unsee/unhear the things they’ve done but it’s also kind of endearing(???)#that the extremely confident flirtatious and filter-less girlie has such a pathetic wet napkin of a boyfriend (genderless)#wish nothing but the best for them#dr#sketches#kiibo
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I spent so long trying to decide on a line of dialogue to use for a caption, but EVERY line of dialogue these two have in the bachelor’s route that mentions the other makes me feel like I’ve been shoved into the middle of an intense fever dream. how am I supposed to pick just one!! you can’t do one without the other!!! or the third (daniil)!!!! cant wait to someday see what the patho2 bachelor’s route will do to me
⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app / tip jar!
#I need to draw gross anatomical illustration art with Daniil and the Twins like when Andrey starts talking about holes and surgery#like yes. YES. truly the Twins and Daniil really encapsulate the creative experience like nothing else#not so much a queue as this is a collection of scheduled posts set for random hours#pathologic#peter stamatin#andrey stamatin#shout out to the anon in my inbox who brought up pathologic. It’s been a million years since I’ve posted for it#mostly bc I can never think of a good caption! literally I started this illustration in Jan and let it sit in my WIP folder for months
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"Johan would be a gross kisser. Change my mind."
FACTS. I feel like him feeling human emotions really makes him sloppy at romantic interactions and borderline needy at times. He's like catching up on things he had "lost" during him being a "nameless monster". Forgive him for being absurdly gross, it's his first shot at life after being ontologically dead for most of his existence. 😭
ontologically dead is such an accurate way of phrasing it I love it!! Like exactly!!! This is Johan's first try at being human. He's going to go through human experiences now in all the wrong, repressed, and ungraceful ways. Key word: ungraceful. Which is why Johan kissing you, like actually kissing you, after years of meaningless social interaction, is gonna be soooooooooooo messy and gross. He's gonna be like some hungry teenager with his first crush. THE most unrefined kissing you can think of. Smushing his face against you, pushing his lips towards yours a bit too hard, parting your mouth, tongue slipping in and rubbing against yours, and exploring everything so fully and deeply. He's exploring the missing parts of his humanity through all the little nooks and crannies of your mouth. I'm gonna be so gross here but it will feel like he's literally trying to clean your mouth out HFKLAHDJH forgive him. He just needs to leave no stone unturned okay. He wouldn't allow himself to part for just a second, even when you try to catch your breathe his lips don't leave yours, opened and catching in everything you're giving him. Your breathe, your spit, everything. You'd be inhaling each other at that point :/// sorry. It could be kinda hot at first? if you squint hard enough?? but as the kiss prolongs it feels less like a kiss and more like a dental checkup fhaskdfjl. This is his first time being human. Let him be messy, let him be ungraceful, let him be gross.
#I need to find that article where being gross is being divine or to be gross is to be human or something?????#FUCK. I need to find it. If anyone else knows it and sends it ily forever and will open mouth kiss you (not like johan though ew.)#johan x reader#johan liebert x reader#sorry to everyone who wants to read refined suave johan 🙏 I too long for that. But alas my johan here is nothing but a gross emotionally#contrained awkward adult 🙏 🙏 🙏 this is his first time going through everything. with MEANING now. with ENERGY#yandere johan x reader#yandere johan liebert#yandere johan#yandere johan liebert x reader#c.johan liebert#f.monster
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tlou2 trailer dropped so reminder that the second game sucks and that the creator is a piece of shit and zionist
but i read comments for 30 seconds and got annoyed, suddenly the fanboys who claim that ellie being a lesbian is “pushing an agenda” don’t seem to mind that anymore with the casting of dina !!!
gave her clean clothes and a blowout, girl looks like she just stepped out of american eagle and the men are loving it and i’m disgusted. i’ve already seen posts about how they “improved dina’s look” and im so so annoyed like this is fully a vent LMFAO everything ab the second game/second season/fans just uuugggghhhhh
#god forbid she had dirty oversized clothes and body hair#like idk it’s an apocalyptic setting#the comparison is just rly grossing me out like why why why#what was wrong w the way dina looked in the game??? absolutely nothing#hate them acting like this is such a great change#men stay away challenge#seeing posts saying “that's MY dina” just bc she appeals to their standard now and they can sexualize her more comfortably#idk sorry for this LMFAO im just annoyed!!!
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Probably SUCH an unpopular opinion except in my little corner of the world, but BOY would Bridgerton so be my thing if it weren't for all the sex scenes
#i know that's kind of the point atp but it's so annoying to me#id love to watch a lovely regenecy romance series focusing on a different family member each season! do not want to watch porn!#i watched the first season while scrolling past all the sex scenes and was pleasantly surprised to find only like two sex scenes in season 2#season 2 was actually pretty enjoyable for me!#i tried watching season 3 but it was just too hard to scroll past all the gross stuff#and honestly? the show would be better without all the smut. like. so much better.#it adds nothing#like 99% of all sex scenes#id hoped future seasons were going to continue the trend of season 2 of being more chill but nope. so i will not be watching.#my soul is worth way more than keeping up with whatever is popular#lilac rambles#honestly i hate that smut has made its way into almost all media lately
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Genuinely if you go see Captain America 4/Brave New World or wtv the corny name is (aka the movie with an explicit Zionist propaganda character played by a huge Zionist) in theaters, you are showing support for Israel!
BDS has issued a boycott on Marvel since November because of Marvel’s inclusion of Sabra in Captain America 4. The fact Marvel would even consider bringing Sabra back, especially NOW, is absolutely disgusting. There needs to be pushback against this movie, since Marvel officially won’t be removing her from it.
Sabra’s character and comic appearances include anti-Palestinian and anti-Arab racism, as well as being very pro-military, pro-police, and of course, pro-Israel. This post goes more into depth about Sabra and why you should be against her being in the movie (not my post but I still think it’s very informative)
“But Sabra’s character will be changed in the movie!!” It does not matter. The actor is a Zionist who served in the IDF and supports Israel. If Marvel truly intended to fully separate the movie character from her comic counterpart, why would they pick a Zionist actor who served in Israel’s military? Sabra’s origins can’t be ignored, especially when the actor continues to support Israel’s genocide against Palestinians.
Please boycott Marvel, especially Captain America 4. Show Marvel that Zionism will not be normalized or tolerated 🇵🇸
#the boycott goes for all marvel movies ofc but i feel like going to see captain america 4 in particular is extra gross#bc that’s the whole reason the marvel boycott even exists. sabra is in that movie. do not go see it#there are *other ways* to watch new marvel movies that don’t give the company money#that goes for comics too btw#marvel being military propaganda is nothing new but jfc#palestine#boycott marvel#palestine information#marvel#captain america brave new world#ruth bat seraph#boycott israel#sabra#boycott sabra#anti zionism#tangyyaps
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The downfall of OWONekko has been so insane it doesn’t even feel real like this woman got called out on one bad take she had and immediately started acting like a 4channer 0.00000000001 seconds after it happened
#intentionally misgendering GinjaNinja drawing wojacks of Jouusta (who has been nothing but respectful while disagreeing w/ her)#[CW VERY GROSS/UNSANITARY MENTION IN NEXT TAG]#literally drawing herself spraying her fecal matter into the mouths of the ppl disagreeing w/ her like WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING????????#ARE YOU NOT A FULLY GROWN TAX PAYING VOTING ELIGIBLE ADULT? WHY DO YOU THINK THIS BEHAVIOR IS APPROPRIATE?#I have never seen such a swift and disgusting personality shift in someone like the mask did not just come off. it exploded off her face#diary.txt
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Post workout cuddle, y/n?
pose ref
#ffxiv#Ninira Nira#Estinien#Estinien Varlineau#Estinien Wyrmblood#estinien x wol#wolstinien#I guess ship content on valentines afterall?#art: mine#Nothing fancy just more gracious pose refs because my brain is buffering a bit again#and like sometimes I try and size Nini more when I use a pose ref but ehg I couldn't be bothered today... big lala lmao#funny bc I did try to make Estinien's legs longer and did a little but was like no I want 0 effort left beef rn#Nini says gross ur all sweaty#is this a pushups reference? kinda? same fit#do u ever look at how they gave him his AF pants but his casual boots in that scene#and think why didn't u just give him those pants with his casual outfit ALWAYS#do you think they loaded him in in the horrible eureka leggings and saw the shot of his ass when he stands up like: we can't do this#bc it would have been horrible#would have RUINED the scene 1000%#lets all be thankful for the AF pants#this has been: I bitch about the stupid eureka pants again ty for listening
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the policing of fics in this fandom is insane like what do you mean you're complaining about things you get FOR FREE
#this doesn't mean those that are actually wrong and gross#you know the ones#but it's so frustrating bc you get an idea to write and then you have to deal with the anxiety of whether it's “accepted” in this fandom#like literally anything that isn't canon related is slated#if you don't want to read something look the other way#you don't need to complain and rip something to pieces that someone has spent HOURS upon HOURS writing#the amount of half written ones or ideas I've had that I've deleted bc of ppl is sad#this also applies to people's general opinions about anything related to these characters/ship/show in general#it's so strange#nothing new but still#buddie#buddie fic writer#buddie fics#buck x eddie#911 abc
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the next time i see a MAN criticizing a hijabi, or a muslim woman in general, on the way she should be dressing i am going to hit him with my car
#i’m sorry#but nothing makes me angrier#like seeing a video of a hijabi clearly so excited to show off her outfit#and all the top comments are of men policing her on what she wears#whether she’s not wearing the hijab correctly#or telling her she shouldn’t wear it at all#and other women absolutely do it too#but the top comments always tend to be from men#and ugh#it’s so gross#and then they always use the defense that they’re supposed to help other muslims#but you know they’re not being genuine#because their phrasing always reeks of misogyny#like i know if you were actually trying to help her you wouldn’t be saying it like that#personal.txt
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Okay I know there’s a lot of outrage over the special addition books on aftg twt right now cause they were a lot of money… (I get it, I’m broke okay)
But Im Like lowkey cackling at all the mistakes
Like what the actual fuck. It’s just so funny to me- like I’m kicking my feet over here
Andrew is listed as a backliner
Allison is a striker
The raven king dust jacket has the foxhole court summary on the back
The foxes vs ravens ticket is from 2014 not 2007
Oh and let’s not forget the only mistake they MEANT to keep in as an homage to the original books. The double chapter 13s
It’s like an eye spy of mistakes over here!
But I am absolutely in love with Nora’s little stick figure drawings on the dust jackets. Like hello??? How cute?! Like thank you @korakos , I appreciate you with my entire heart and soul. I smiled so big when I saw that (lowkey, makes it worth every penny)
#let’s be honest with ourselves a moment#Andrew would be fucking GIGGLING over the fact his position is listed wrong#and Neil would be outraged obvi#but like just excuse me?? he looks NOTHING like Aaron??#his identical twin that is ugly and gross and is the backliner?? how could you??#and Allison would be like hehe look at me Kevin we’re the same now#and Kevin just silently screams#idk I just think it’s so silly#aftg#all for the game#special edition books#nora sakavic
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