#the mafia is not cool guys

[dinodaweeb]

Living with a gangster

Mafia man x Gn!Reader

Summary: moments in your life when your weirdo of a boyfriend gets you both in the most randomness possible scenarios. You love him though

a/n: ummm ummm writing for now bc my Apple Pencil broke so yeah!!

You’re on the couch, unwinding after a long day. The soft hum of the TV fills the room as you kick your feet up, enjoying a rare moment of peace. That peace shatters the moment your boyfriend walks through the door, looking like he’s been through hell and back.

There’s even stains on his white pants. Gross.

Bruised, bloodied, and entirely too proud of himself, he barges in with a grin plastered on his face. “I brought you something,” he says, and there’s a certain cockiness in his voice that you’ve come to expect from him.

You turn to look, already knowing whatever he’s holding will be ridiculous. “What is it?”

You ask, trying to suppress the exhaustion from your voice.

With a flourish, he reveals a ragged, battered stuffed bear. Its fur is matted, and there’s a stain that could be blood—or maybe it’s just the bear’s battle scars. One of its eyes is hanging by a single thread.

“A battle bear,” he announces proudly.

You stare at it for a beat. “A what?”

“A battle bear. I had to fight a bunch of idiots to get it. It was a whole ordeal, but I thought you’d want it.”

You blink, deadpan. “So you got into a fight for a stuffed animal?”

“Yup,” he says, a little too smug for someone who just looked like they were hit by a bus. “It’s yours now. For protection, obviously. You’ll be safe with this thing. Like a bodyguard, but fluffier.”

You glance from him to the bear. “This thing looks like it’s seen better days. What kind of fight were you in?”

“It’s fine. Just a little blood. Nothing serious,” he assures, his grin widening. “So? Do you love it?”

You pause, still eyeing the mangled bear. “Sure, I guess. I don’t know if it’ll protect me, though. It looks like it’s seen as much action as you.”

He flops onto the couch next to you, snatching up the bear. “It’s a symbol of my dedication. Don’t downplay it.”

“You could do anything with it cry with it, cuddle, feed it, maybe even tell it about how much you love!”

“Nice try.” It’s just a thought but you are thinking he’s going to be the one to do those things.

It’s been a long day, and you were hoping for some peace. You’ve barely sat down on the couch when your boyfriend bursts in, completely out of nowhere, practically vibrating with excitement.

“I missed you!” he exclaims, then immediately starts some unholy combination of spinning, hopping, and awkward flailing. His hips are nowhere near Shakira’s level of shaking.

He’s rattling like a broken supermarket cart.

You stare at him, eyebrows raised. “What in the world are you doing?”

“This is my I missed you dance,” he says, spinning once again like he’s in some bizarre action movie. “It’s a tradition now. Every time I come home, I perform it to show my appreciation for you.”

You blink. “A dance?”

He nods, still twisting around, his limbs making chaotic, out-of-rhythm movements. “Yup! It’s a way of showing how much I care about you.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” you say dryly, eyes narrowing as you watch him crash into the coffee table, almost toppling over the lamp. You can’t help but let out a sigh. “Are you done yet?”

He doesn’t answer, too busy still trying to perfect whatever this is. His leg kicks too high and knocks into the side of the bookshelf. He spins again, only to hit his elbow on the doorframe.

“You’re really not helping your case here,” you mutter, leaning back. “How exactly am I supposed to take you seriously when you’re like this?”

With a grunt, he halts his movements, standing tall like he just finished a perfect performance. “I’m a dangerous man, babe. Nobody could top this move.”

You stare at him, deadpan. “You’re a mess.”

He grins like he won the lottery. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

You walk through the door after running a simple errand. But as soon as you step inside, you’re met with your boyfriend standing in the living room, hands on his hips, wearing a look of complete panic.

“Where have you been?” he demands, voice high and tight with concern. “I’ve been worried as shit.. Do you know how long it’s been? What if something happened to you? Like if a Mario cosplayer asked for your number? Or if my boss figures out we make passionate love in ghost face costumes?”

You stop dead in your tracks, surprised by the sudden wave of intensity. “I was gone for two hours. I was grocery shopping,” you say, already regretting not texting him sooner.

His expression doesn’t change. “Two hours? That’s two hours I had no idea where you were! You could’ve gotten hurt! Kidnapped! I could have sent the team after you!”

You blink, trying to process his frantic words. “It was just the store. I’m fine. I didn’t even leave the neighborhood.”

“But what if something happened?” He’s pacing now, completely ignoring the fact that you’ve been walking around the block for the last hour. “You could have been in danger, and I wouldn’t have even known! What if the old man that looks like Santa Claus down the steep seduced you?”

“What—“

“And was successful. Who am I to Santa? Nothing but a little elf whore…”

“Um.”

“Actually fuck Santa. He ain’t shit.”

“Okay.”

“Anyways, Do you want me to hire bodyguards?”

“I’m not a delicate flower,” you say, trying to stay calm. “You don’t have to act like I’m going to break if I leave for an hour.”

He stops pacing, suddenly pulling you into a tight hug, his arms firm but careful. “I know, I know. You once broke my back when we were roleplaying WWE. And in be—“

“Oi.”

“Besides! You’re my responsibility. I need you safe.”

You sigh, your annoyance melting away as his possessiveness becomes more endearing than aggravating. “You’re a freak, you know that?”

He smiles into your shoulder, his tone softened. “And you match it~”

You couldn’t deny that.

You’re lounging on the couch, scrolling through your phone, when you hear the front door open. Your boyfriend walks in, holding two absurdly oversized leather jackets with a grin that suggests he’s up to no good.

“Guess what I got!” he announces.

You glance at him, already sensing where this is going. “What now?”

“Matching jackets,” he says, looking far too pleased with himself for someone who just spent way too much money on something totally unnecessary.

You look at the jackets, confused. “Those things are huge. They’ll swallow me whole.”

“Nonsense!” He’s practically bouncing with excitement. “It’s part of the look. Look how badass we’ll look together. We’ll be like this power couple!”

You pull the jacket on, and it nearly engulfs you. You feel like you’re drowning in leather, and you can barely move your arms.

You glance at him. “This is a terrible idea. I can’t even lift my arms.”

He looks at you with a deadpan stare. “Exactly. That’s the point. We’re untouchable.”

You sigh, crossing your arms, trying not to let the ridiculousness of the situation break your composure. “You realize we’re going to look like two absolute try-hards?”

“Nope.”

He shrugs, unfazed. “I look hot. You look hot. Who cares about looking normal when you look cool?”

You snort, rolling your eyes. “We look like walking couches.”

It happens when you’re having an absolutely normal movie night. Popcorn, blankets, a chilled drink. Everything’s perfect. And then, in the middle of a dramatic scene, your boyfriend suddenly turns to you with a completely straight face.

“I killed someone today,” he says, his voice holding the same tone if he just did a wet fart. “45 years old. Kids. Pretty tragic, actually. But he had it coming. I mean he did—”

You freeze, popcorn halfway to your mouth. “Wait. What?”

He shrugs, clearly uninterested in your reaction. “Yeah, I mean, he was a threat. Had to be dealt with. He won’t be a problem anymore.”

“Are you… are you serious?” You blink rapidly, your mind struggling to catch up with what you just heard.

“Yeah, well, that’s gang life for you.” He leans back, popping a piece of popcorn in his mouth like he’s just told you about his day at the office. “It’s not all fun and games, y’know.”

You can’t form a coherent response, too shocked by the casual way he talks about murder. “You just… killed someone. And then sat down to watch a movie?”

He glances at you, unphased. “Yeah, and? We were supposed to watch this, right? Can we watch breaking bad next? Bald Walter is spank bank material.”

“Um ew.”

“Just don’t sweat the small stuff, babe.”

You stare at him in silence for a moment, the absurdity of the situation slowly sinking in. “You are the weirdest person I’ve ever met.”

“Thanks. I try.” He says it so casually, then immediately falls asleep like it’s just another day.

What the hell.

[puppyeared]

43. For the ask game

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

going straight for the jugular arent we

[mellohiizz]

Hi mel have you seen

NO WAY.

[los-sanchos]

My 10 y.o. sister had seen me playing mafia II for like 5 minutes and she already ships Vito/Joe

Ig this generation still has a chance

[askmafiabobvelseb]

I love my followers:

/gen

[mobblespsycho100]

I think HSR should have a 5 star Afro-Italian character from Penacony who's a young charismatic business man / ristorante owner and likes to sing / play the cello during the ristorante Jazz nights™ and brings a lively atmosphere to the Moment of Oasis or Serenity in Penacony ( maybe like a Trailblaze Continuance Map Expansion ? ) and also Hoyo's Voice Acting Agency / Director Newphilms should hire Cedric L. Williams to voice him. That's it byeeee <3

[christinered]

2024 Best Halloween Decorations Brooklyn Dyker Heights New York 4k Horro...

Welcome To Dyker Heights, Brooklyn...

A neighborhood famous for taking our holiday decorating very very seriously.

Come by during Christmas week... there are bus tours.

It was a great neighborhood to grow up in.

Anyone feel like chipping in for a corner house???

"There's no place like home."

Let me know...~Red

[coolguycore]

mafia 2 ocs!! outdated refs but i just thought id share them here...

anyways!! theyre identical twins!! totally cool guys.. ill be honest and say that i actually havent gotten that far in mafia 2 so they dont have much actual real like?? info snd stuff.. sorry about that..

i have given them more.. time period accurate oufits... which i will give them once i get to remaking their ref sheets... later!! im doing my bestest!! i promise

and im developing them as i go!! my insta p.nstripe has like.. all of their lore and stuff.. im thinking that i might as well write an independent thing about them seperate from mafia 2 because of how much ive got about them already?? itd be cool.

anyways!! bye bye tyank you!!

[deva-arts]

☆ Nathaniel Wilson ☆

I Really Like Nathaniel because the guy embodies Hope and Positivity without forcing it down the gullets of everyone around him.

He looks like he'd be a pleasant individual to actually be around at 7 am. Even before his coffee. [ Sera should be too, she doesn't seem like an unbearable person to be around in La Matinée ( the Morning ) . But still, she is alot grumpier than her other half. ]

With that said. Insert Happy music here. Nujabes or Smth.

Submitted by @mettamorphoses!

Love the way you drew Nate here! such a clean style and serious face :> He's my favorite little quadfocal guy... friendly, polite, and a good conversationalist! You're absolutely right, he's one of the easiest people to get along with. It's almost like he knows exactly what to say to people.

Sera isn't grumpy so much as she is disinterested and dismissive. She heads to work without bothering to make small talk besides a basic "Hello." if she passes you by. Not the worst outcome, really, if silence doesn't bother you.

[myreygn]

i'm on s3 e9 of bungou stray dogs and it just occurred to me. that i watched eight bloody episodes of this season. without reacting to anything.

[shumistar]

GRAAAAAAAH

Wdym.

There is NO tumblr community for my new niche interest?!?!!?!

IT CANT BEeeee ee e e e

*perishes*

[bucketboat]

Booktok has gone too far we need to reclaim bikers & mafia dudes for the BEARS. For the HAIRY. OVERWEIGHT. PROBABLY BALDING GUYS.

[mellohiizz]

with how much theyve helped eachother semi recently i feel like wemmbu would maybe be slightly considdered atleast distant flock to parrot.

vaugely connected to wemmbu stuff and once again giving you emotional damage

headcanoning that ash is a large part of why zam is the way he is. zam is a sadist at the best of times, i think it would add a whole other layer if fucked up to uu!mutiny if ash conditioned zam to be like that and treat people (he dubiously cares about) like that :D

-🔍🏰(f:🟪⬛)

i actually wanted to mention him too, and now that i think about it, wemmbu might be considered an honorable mention in parrot's flock.

honestly, i can see that. it seems pretty clearly implied that ash dealt with zam before back when zam empire was a thing. i can most definitely see ash manipulating and influencing zam to be the way he is from what i know about uu zam.

[katscatnip]

Dad in his sweatpants grabs a bat/gun to deal with annoying pests But its a drunk lesbian in her 30s with a claymore:

(context/lore if you care sksksjjs)

Sara was over at her sister Mari's place (mainly for the alcohol and free food, she's are good at baking :3) when silly Mafia style gang shows up, so in her drunken stuper grabs the ordainment (but very real) sword off the wall to go have a chat with them owo

(im not good at writing btw i just like making silly amvs in my head then drawing frames from them skjddh)

[picory]

i need to draw them too. i just have to figure out how.. what situation to put them in...

[beanboop]

forever crying and screaming that i have to be the one to make the content i want to see in the world