#I don’t like it when people talk to me when I’m doing anything that doesn’t require speaking

[producedbysohyun]

A Not So Secret Secret

Kang Dae-ho x pregnant! Reader

Summary: You and Dae-ho join the game to settle your debts, unaware at first that the other is also playing. However, there���s something Dae-ho is also unaware about.

Warnings: Reader is replacing number 222 but has no correlation with 333, Reader is pregnant, mentions of killing and stuff like that. might be slightly inaccurate I’ve only watched the show once. Not proofread.

wc: I have no idea but it’s pretty lengthy (someone please show me how to do a wc 🙁)

a/n: I’ve had this idea for awhile but wasn’t sure if anyone would read it so I’m just gonna put it out there!

You had just finished the first round in the squid games ,red light green light, and you were terrified as you sat in your bed. Why were people being shot? How are you gonna get out? What is happening? A thousand thoughts raced through your mind at once until you felt a hand on your shoulder.

You turn around and your met with the face of a worried old woman. It was Geum-Ja, the sweet woman you met during the first game.

“Are you ok?” She asked.

You nod, not exactly in the mood for talking.

Her eyes flickered down to your stomach before looking at you again. She smiled “if you need anything please let me know..”

You nod again, trying to hint at her you wanna be alone before you hear a man yelling, saying something about a vote.

The guards reply a bit after saying that there would be a vote after each game, and a vote soon commences.

“389…please cast your vote….. 388.. please cast your vote” The voice of the guard said.

You were so deep in thought that you didn’t even notice who was currently walking down the aisle to place there vote until the buzzer went off.

“Another person voted to stay…” you thought in your mind… Wait what??

You couldn’t see that well from where you were standing but you caught a glimpse of his face.

It was Dae-ho.

“No… there’s no way… why would he vote to stay.. it can’t be h-“ Your thoughts were soon cut off by the guards voice again.

“222.. please cast your vote”

Jeez how long were you thinking for… whatever it doesn’t matter… you walk down the aisle shyly, feeling everyone’s eyes on you as you press the red button with the X on it. You don’t dare to look behind you, knowing who’s face you’d immediately see.

The votes for O only kept going up and by the end of the vote, O had won.

You feel the anxiety really getting to you and retreat to your bed, trying to run away from your worries. When you get there you feel a hand grab your wrist.

“Y/n…” Dae-ho says, a slight bit of panic in his voice.

You don’t want to turn around but you force yourself to, looking up at him.

“What are you doing here???” He asks in a not so soft tone .

“I could ask you the same thing…” you reply with an attitude, still upset about him voting O.

“I came to settle our dept-“ He tries to explain.

You cut him off. “And you didn’t think of telling me??”

He sighs trying to reason with you. “Listen.. y/n… they said not to tell anyone… I couldn’t risk losing the opportunity at the time… And you can’t get upset at me when you’re literally here as well…”

You rub your face in frustration. “I’m not upset at you for being here I’m upset you didn’t tell me and even more upset you chose to stay!”

“I didn’t know you were here.. if I had known that I would’ve voted X in a heart beat… We need the money baby….” He reply’s, his tone softening.

“This money is not worth dying for…” you say as you start to walk away.

“Y/n stop….” He grabs your arm softly.

“What….” You reply.

“We aren’t done talking…” he says, pulling you back towards him.

You sigh. “What else is there to talk about”

“Why are you here..” He asks. He thinks he knows the answer but he just wants to hear it from you.

“For the same reason you are…” You half lie. Yes you are here to try and settle your debt but also to get a little extra money for the baby.

He sighs, not knowing what to say.

You just turn around and start walking away before he grabs you once again but this time pulling you into his arms.

You’re surprised but you hug him back, not realizing how much you needed it.

While hugging you, Dae-ho couldn’t help but realize that it felt different, the way your body’s pressed together wasn’t quite as comfortable as your stomach was blocking him from getting to close.

He pulled away looking down at you.

“Y/n..?”

You looked away, realizing he probably noticed.

Five months before you joined the squid game you found out you were pregnant. You hid it from Dae-ho, wearing sweaters when your bump started to get a little noticeable and just saying you were cold despite it being summer, he didn’t think much of it. It was quite easy to hide because he was rarely home as he was looking for jobs.

You didn’t want to hide this from him. But you did, in fear that something would happen with your relationship as you wanted to keep the baby. You didn’t have a plan, you didn’t know when you were gonna tell him, all you knew was that you were gonna hide it for as long as possible.

Dae-ho’s hand on your arm snapped you back into reality. You look up at his worried face and just start crying, the hormones getting to you.

“Hey…. What’s going on…” He asks softly.

“I- I’m sorry-“ You stutter.

“Talk to me baby…” He puts a hand on your waist.

You back up, not wanting to be reminded that he knows now.

He keeps his distance but it kills him to see you like this.

“I’m- I’m pregnant-…” you say softly as you continue crying.

“W-“ He struggles to find his words “For how long??-…”

“Five months….” You admit.

“Why didn’t you tell me baby??” He says, still in shock.

“I’m sorry…” you continue crying into your hands.

He walks over to you and hugs you tightly.

You cry into his chest. “I thought- you would be mad..”

“Mad? Why would I be mad at you….” He asks softly.

“I don’t know….” You say, starting to calm down a little.

He continues to hold you and comfort you, silently cursing at himself for voting O, now realizing how much harder this is gonna be.

Later that evening you and Dae-ho join a group of three other boys, Gi-hun, Young-il, and Jung-bae.

You sit with the boys, your arms resting around your stomach out of habit and Jung-bae can’t help but notice.

“I’m gonna go take a quick nap..” You say to the group, your exhaustion getting the best of you.

You distinctively hear Gi-hun say something about dinner soon but just brush it off, too tired to even listen.

“I’ll be fine..” you say as you walk to your nearby bed and collapse on it.

Once Jung-bae notices you’re gone he looks at Dae-ho. “Is she um.. yk..” He asks nosily.

Dae-ho just sighs and nods and the group looks a little shocked, Feeling a newfound protectiveness for you, their new group mate.

After the group gets over the initial shock of the situation they start making a plan on what to do for the next games and how they are gonna survive as a group.

The sound of a voice saying to line up for dinner interrupts their conversation and Dae-ho goes to wake you up. You groan, not wanting to get up and slowly get out of bed before following him into the line. (He lets you go first cause he’s a gentleman 😘)

You guys get your food and go back to the spot where you were previously sitting. Right when you sat down a wave of nausea hit you and you just didn’t want to eat at all.

Dae-ho notices this. “Hey are you ok?”

You whimper slightly. “I can’t eat…”

The group looks at you concerned and Dae-ho speaks up again. “Why what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know I just feel sick…” You reply, leaning on him.

He rubs your arm softly before young-il speaks up. “You should really try to eat… the next meal won’t be till tomorrow morning… that’s probably not safe considering-“

Dae-ho cuts him off, not wanting to have you be reminded of it and get more stressed right now. “He’s right… try to eat just a little hm?”

You pout at him. “fine..”

You take small bites of your food, it’s not terrible but it’s definitely not making your nausea any better. Nonetheless you push through, knowing that you need to eat for the baby.

Dae-ho looks at you happily, glad you decided to eat.

You try to eat as much as you can before you just set the food down and lean on Dae-ho again, his presence comforting you through your sickness.

You end up falling asleep on him as the group just talks and continues their plan.

Once again, the voice on the speaker starts talking saying it’s time for bed or something. You don’t really know as you’re half asleep.

You feel Dae-ho softly guiding you off of where you were sitting and the next thing you know you’re in your bed, Dae-ho softly putting the covers over you before kissing your forehead.

“Goodnight N/N, I love you..” He says softly.

You smile sleepily at the nickname and reply. “Goodnight Dae.. I love you too..”

The rest is a blur until you finally fall asleep.

The next morning starts the same as the first. Everyone lines up to get breakfast.

You get your food, actually hungry this time and open the tin container, immediately eating everything while sitting in your bed. Dae-ho is with the group but if you’re being honest you’re not in the mood to socialize this morning so he decided to give you some space. That is until the old woman, Geum-ja, came up to you again.

“How are you feeling?” She asked sweetly.

“Better…” You reply shortly.

She holds her tin of food in her hands as she looks down at your empty one before handing you hers.

“Oh- no no it’s fine really-“ you try to reason with her, not wanting to take food from her.

“Oh don’t be silly it’s ok… You need to eat more..” she smiles as she hands you her food.

You bow, very thankful because you’re really hungry. “Thank you- you really didn’t have too..”

“Don’t mention it” she gives you a smile before her son comes over telling her to not scare him like that.

You sit there awkwardly as they talk before the old woman waves goodbye to you and smiles. You wave back at her before eating the food she gave you.

Shortly after eating the speaker says that it’s time for the first game and to follow the guards. You remember what Gi-hun told your group last night, pick the triangle. Knowing what to do for this next game, you feel pretty confident but are still nervous.

You rejoin with your group as you guys walk towards the doors into the colorful room with stairs.

You all walk in silence before Dae-ho speaks up. “You feeling better?”

You nod and reply. “Ya… I was actually able to eat so I feel alot better”

Dae-ho smiles and keeps walking up the stairs.

Everyone gets to the door and when it opens, confusion fills the room.

“This is the dalgona game.. right?” you ask Gi-hun, really confused.

He sighs and looks at you. “I don’t know what this is..”

The familiar feeling of anxiety crept back up your body but you tried to keep it at shore as everyone walked into the room.

Everyone stayed by their group as the rules for the game came over the speaker. “This game is the six-legged pentathlon. A group of five will be connected by their ankles in the order of who is gonna play the first mini game to who is gonna play the last. The Mini games consist of the following: Dakji, flying stone, gonggi, spinning tops, and Jegi. The group will complete the five mini games within the time limit and cross the finish line or they will be eliminated.”

After the announcement everyone immediately started scrambling, trying to find groups but the five of you just stayed with each other, discussing who was gonna do what.

Since your the only girl in the group everyone excepted you to know how to play gonggi but you surprisingly didn’t. Luckily for you guys Dae-ho would play it with his sisters and he get really good at it. So that was settled. Now everyone else just had to figure out what they were gonna do.

“I can do Dakji…” you said softly, not really knowing what else to do.

Everyone agreed on it and the rest of the line up was decided. You do Dakji, Jung-bae does flying stone, Dae-ho does gonggi, Young-il does spinning tops, and Gi-hun does Jegi.

Your groups discussion was soon interrupted by the first two groups going up, who soon later both lost.

As the games went on the waiting players became more immersed in watching the other players play and started cheering them on, acting as an audience.

A group finally won and everyone started cheering and jumping but you felt a hand on your shoulder. “Don’t jump don’t jump” Dae-ho said softly, not wanting you to use your energy or stress your body out.

You listened to him but kept cheering along with everyone else. For a second, you forgot this was a game where you could die and you’re not here to have fun. That was until gun shots from the other side of the room interrupted everyone’s cheering and brought them back to the harsh reality.

After many games it was your teams turn. You were the second to last team to play therefore you had no audience which your group was sad about. You on the other hand had no room to be sad as you were internally freaking out.

Your group lined up and your ankles got chained together. Then. The game started.

Your group walks in sync to the first mini game, Dakji.

You grab square piece of paper and throw it as hard as possible at the one on the floor, and to your surprise, it flips over. The group cheered as the walked to the next mini game. Jung-bae grabbed the stone and threw it at the other one, hitting it perfectly. The group cheered again and continued walking to the next one. They all sat on the floor in-front of a small table as Dae-ho skillfully handled the gonggi. Everyone watches in amazement as they pass right away.

They get up and walk to the next mini game, spinning tops. Everything was going good until Young-il messed up. Over and over and over. At this point it just seemed like he was doing it on purpose cause how can you possibly throw it behind you?? (Bro was totally doing it on purpose 😭)

After some focusing and stressing he finally got it. But you guys had no time to spare. Everyone quickly made their way over to the next mini game. Gi-hun quickly kicked the Jegi four times before kicking it way in-front of him.

Your heart stopped. “This is it” you thought to yourself before you were yanked forward towards the finish line. Young-il had helped Gi-hun kick it last second.

You guys passed the finish line, all relieved until you saw the other team in-front of you get shot. Despite winning, this made your heart heavy, remembering the situation you’re still in.

After getting your ankles unchained all of you walked back into the room, getting stares from everyone and heating groans from people that wished more people would die.

You stayed silent the rest of the evening until the vote. Your group had collectively decided to vote for X this time. You were sure you were gonna make it out. Until you weren’t.

By the end of the vote, O won again. And even worse, Jung-bae voted for O. Your own team member!

After realizing you were gonna be stuck in this hell hole for another game you definitely didn’t feel like eating, you got up and went into the bathroom, getting sick thinking about what you saw today and just because of your pregnancy in general.

*knock knock* “are you ok y/n?” The old woman says from outside the stall door.

“Ya-“ you wipe your mouth off with toilet paper before flushing the toilet and coming out.

“Remember if you need anything don’t be afraid to ask me…” She says reassuringly.

“Thank you..” you give her a soft smile before going to wash your hands.

When you come out of the bathroom you go back over to your group and see Jung-bae sitting with them again. Dae-ho must’ve brought him back.

You sigh and sit with them.

Dae-ho looks at you concerned. “Are you ok did you eat”

“I can’t Dae…” you reply tiredly and lean on him once again.

“Cmon baby just a little…” he nudges you.

You force yourself to remember that you can’t be skipping meals now due to your baby, Before sighing. “Ok…”

You eat some of the food, the nausea surprisingly going away.

“Drink some water too..” Dae-ho reminds you.

You nod and drink your water, immediately feeling alot better, still leaning on him.

Your eyes become heavy and you distinctively hear the group talking about something to do with a fight but you don’t pay much attention and fall asleep on Dae-ho’s shoulder.

*time skip to night*

You wake up on a mattress on the floor, super confused, and look to your right and see Dae-ho sleeping under a bed on the mattress? 😭

You look to your left and see young-il and Jung-bae also under the beds on a mattress.

Confused, you sit up and see Gi-hun awake, just sitting there. You get up and walk over to him.

“I need to use the bathroom” you say quietly to him.

Gi-hun looks at you. “It’s too dangerous to go alone-“

“I’ll go with her” the old woman says from the bed above you.

You and the old woman go over to the bathroom, only to be refused entry by the guards. So the old woman being the baddie she is puts on a pretty convincing sob story before the guards finally let you guys in, another girl showing up behind you guys and asking if she should come too.

“Don’t worry she’s a woman” the old woman says and the other girl follows you guys into the bathroom.

You quickly go into a stall and just cry. You’re so scared and you just wanna go home. You wanna lay in your bed again. You don’t even care if you’re in debt you just wanna go home.

Your thoughts are interrupted by the old woman opening the door.

“Are you ok? Is your baby coming? Is it your stomach?” The old woman questions you worriedly.

“I’m so scared” you say crying more before she hugs you tightly.

“It’s ok..” she comforts you.

That’s the last thing that things feel like right now. “Ok”.

You calm down after a bit and she leads you back over to your bed.

You step in between Gi-hun and Jung-bae, who is now up, to get to your bed.

You notice the Dae-ho is literally half way on your bed so you just decide to use his arm as a pillow. He gets a little startled but immediately falls asleep after. You hold onto his arm in your sleep, him being the only way to comfort you in this hell. After a bit of thinking you slowly drift off to sleep, feeling a little better that you’re not alone in this.

a/n: thank you for reading this took absolutely forever! I want to make a part two so let me know if you guys would be interested!!

[moonstruckme]

hey ! by all means ignore or delete this if you're not comfortable with it, but could i request remus x fem reader where the reader has been SAd in the past and is mostly doing okay, but one time whilst kissing with remus she gets nervous ?? and remus is just sweet and comforting and trying to show reader they can trust him

again feel free to ignore because i know it could be a bit triggering but it's also nice to imagine a healing journey where you are safe with another person after all that :)

Thank you for requesting angel, hope you like it <3

cw: allusion to past SA, reader gets triggered, some semi-awkward but very loving conversation around that

Remus Lupin x fem!reader ♡ 988 words

You love Remus’ apartment. You love how quiet it is, how it always smells like books and fresh laundry and how there’s always at least one mug on the coffee table with the tea bag still sitting in it. You love the window by his kitchen table, and how he’ll sit with you there on rainy mornings and watch the people going by with their coats and umbrellas, and you love that he’s added another hook on the wall by the door, just next to his, for you to hang your key on when you come by. You love his wood floors, and the water pressure in his shower, and the sofa he got secondhand that’s more plush than any you’ve ever sat on. 

Remus’ miracle sofa is so comfortable it doesn’t even cause a twinge in your back when he leans you back against the armrest, throw pillow fallen to the floor, and kisses you so that you curve your neck forward to meet him. It’s soft enough to dip accommodatingly for the hand Remus slides underneath your lower back, pulling you up into him as he presses you down. Its velvety cover feels cozy and familiar beneath your fingers splayed across the cushion to steady yourself. 

All things considered, you’re too comfortable to account for the feeling that starts up in your chest. It could be Remus’ hand pressing surely into your back, or his tongue skimming across the inside of your lip, or merely the sound of your panting breaths, quick and overlapping in the quiet apartment. All you know is that it feels tight, and it doesn’t go away, inching upward until your heart is hammering in your throat, a blockage for any air you try to take in. 

Remus can tell something is wrong. He pauses just before you push him off, taking his hand from your back and pulling your mouth from his with an unsteady breath. Maybe it’s only you that’s really panting. 

“Alright?” Remus asks, soft but tense. He doesn’t know what he’s done wrong. “Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah, I just—” You take a long inhale. It’s shallow and unsatisfying, but you feel better. “Sorry.” 

“That’s okay. Do you want me to move?” 

He starts to sit back, but you keep hold of his wrist. You don’t want him away from you. 

“No,” you say. “Sorry, it’s not you. I just started to freak out a little, I don’t know why. Sorry.” 

“Sweetheart.” Remus’ voice gentles. He knows about your history. It’s something you talked about early on, once you knew you could trust him but before you did anything more than hold hands. He’s always been exceedingly understanding about it. “You don’t need to be sorry. You’re fine. What can I do?” 

You take another breath. “I don’t think you need to do anything. I feel better now.” 

Remus nods. He looks cautious. “Was it something I did?” 

“I don’t know.” You fight the urge to apologize again, but you hope it shows in your expression. “I don’t think so.” 

“Okay, that’s alright.” Remus takes the hand that’s holding his wrist. He smooths his thumb across your palm, and you realize he’s not touching you anywhere else to avoid upsetting you. Your throat tightens. “Do you want to stop for now?” 

You shake your head. “I want to keep going.” 

“Are you sure? We could do something else.” 

“I’m sure,” you say. Grasp the sides of his sweater, pulling him closer. “I want to keep kissing you.” 

“Okay.” Remus’ lips quirk, and he grows a bit bolder, sliding his hand up the length of your arm to cup your cheek. “What would make you comfortable, lovely?” 

“I am comfortable with you,” you tell him earnestly. 

“I’m glad,” he says. “And I believe you, but that doesn’t mean that I’m okay with making you feel…with making you nervous like that. Even if it’s just for a second, yeah?” He strokes his thumb over your cheek. Heat flares in its path. “I have an idea.” 

You sit up a bit, eager. “What is it?” 

“What if, instead of me touching you, you put my hands where you want them? I’ll just leave them wherever you like, and if you start to get nervous again we’ll take a break.” His eyes flicker up to yours, cautious. “How does that sound?” 

“That sounds…” You chew your lip, stopping when Remus’ gaze drops to the motion. “That’s really sweet, Remus, but we can’t do that forever. It’s not fair to you.” 

He laughs. “Sweetheart, it’s more than fair to me. I get to kiss you. I get to be in the same room with you.” You grin bashfully at that, and his thumb dimples into your cheek, a fond pressure. “We could do it like that forever if you wanted, but we could also just take it one step at a time. Yeah? We’ll figure it out eventually, but this might be somewhere to start.” 

You nod, slowly. “Okay. That makes sense. Um…” You pick up his free hand tentatively, growing more confident when Remus squeezes your fingers. You place it on your side. His long fingers splay over your ribcage, kind and reassuring. “And this one,” you touch the wrist of the hand on your face, “you can leave here.” 

Remus’ smile reminds you of a sunrise, the way it blooms slowly, bringing color to his face and warmth to the room. “Yeah? Just like that?” 

“Yeah,” you echo. “That’s good, please.” 

“Oh, sweetheart, there’s no need to say please.” He dips down, pecking teasingly at your lower lip. “You know I’m happy if you’re happy. Let me know if you change your mind, alright?” 

“Mhm.” It’s all the response you can manage, your mind already lost to the feel of his lips on yours. 

“Mhm.” There’s laughter somewhere in Remus’ tone. He kisses you impossibly softer. “Just keep me in the loop.” 

[josos24816]

I think the trend ppl find themselves clueing into unconsciously is that the marker "woman" is just so grossly broad as to be meaningless. it doesn't say anything about who u are, what u like or dislike, what causes u support, how u engage with or perceive the world. it doesn't say anything about your relationship to your own sex, sexuality, gender, nothing. what does it actually meaningfully tell you about a person?

I think it’s an unfair demand to ask “woman” to convey that amount of information. It’s a rather rigorous demand to place on any label that someone uses. Labels mean different things to different people — that doesn’t make them meaningless, and the fact that yours and my labels don’t necessarily agree doesn’t make their usefulness zero.

which is that im not sure if a "taxonomic" understanding of gender is actually one which can account for such things as multigender ppl or trans ppl who change their gender.

I’m sorry, I’ve tried writing a response to this point, and I don’t know how. I’ve realized I don’t really understand what even @tpwrtrmnky meant by the “taxonomic” category of woman.

the moment one decides to categorize themself as x, that is the moment of gender transition, insofar as "gender-transition" means something like "linguistic reclassification". or at least that element of it, but it is kinda about the linguistic use-case

Agree 100%. At the end of it all, I think that’s largely what we are playing with when talking about gender and other “identity” terms. It’s a linguistic game*, where language as a pointer to a concept — even (especially) multiple things at once — is what allows each category to be loosely defined.

At the same time, because words are just pointers to ideas, they exist at multiple levels of reality: what it means to you, what it means to your social circle, and what it means societally, are often different. They also have different demands. (E.g. You could easily define a new word and use it for yourself. With some effort, you might get some friends using it. But it’s a different story entirely to get gen-z–level adoption, where you can expect strangers to understand your meaning (almost) perfectly.) The more compatible your labels are with the broader social reality, the less friction you’ll have.

Which is why even if we claim that gender is about self-expression of identity, that’s kinda just at the local level? Because it also has elements in how others perceive you, which is why the claim to being a man/woman/(whatever category) has less friction if you also present in ways that are congruent with what others expect of those categories.

It also means that if you change your gender every day, you can believe that you are 100% that gender, but others (including me) might settle on believing that you are somewhere in-between, because that is a lower-friction conception of you than the one where I have to re-draw my mental representations every day. And we don’t have to agree 100%. (Although you might prefer it if I do, if only because your internal conception of identity is in constant negotiation with the higher levels of social reality.)

*Btw I’m using the word “game,” but I don’t mean to imply it’s any less serious. I just mean that linguistics is an area where multiple individuals interact together, so we can’t ignore the interactions and their effects.

does this also necessarily mean that every time you doubt your x-ness, your x-hood, you actually are y again for a moment?

Sticking with your linguistics theory, it seems like this last question is a return to the more rigorous binary. (Or, even if you have more than 2 categories, it seems you’re still making discrete “bins”.) Discrete just doesn’t work well to conceptualize something as fluid as language.

We switch between linguistic representations all the time, often without realizing it, and rarely claiming that only one is the “true” representation. If you apply this approach to your hypothetical scenario, with gender as a continuum, it becomes something closer to a probability distribution. Just don’t collapse things into discrete “bins” and I think the paradox resolves itself.

"Trans women are actually women for real, not in a metaphorical sense, not in a "anyone can be anything" sense, but genuinely actually make more taxonomic sense to classify in the category of women than any other group you could classify them in" is a position you'll find is pretty radical even in queer spaces

[songbirdseung]

silly boy / park sunghoon

your "friends" keep telling you that your new boyfriend is too much of a shy nerd for you, but they don't know how much of a man the silly boy is.

the bar tonight was much quieter than usual, just a few people spread out in the tiny, cozy bar. quiet background music accompanied the murmurs of different conversations shared throughout the room. you were with your friends, laughing and chatting, having a good time, when all of a sudden, the smile on your face faded into a small frown. the conversation had shifted to your boyfriend, sunghoon.

sunghoon, park sunghoon. your boyfriend of two amazing years. he was currently at home, in his home office, working late. while you were out here with your friends, the same friends who never truly understood why you’d started a relationship with him in the first place.

don’t get them wrong—they thought he was gorgeous, practically model material, but sunghoon’s quiet, reserved nature wasn’t their idea of "boyfriend material." they’d often remind you that you deserved someone affectionate, someone who’d shower you with love openly and without hesitation, someone who wouldn’t be shy about showing the world how much they adored you.

but their words always went in one ear and out the other. because they didn’t see what you saw. they didn’t see how, behind closed doors, in the quiet moments away from the world, sunghoon clung to you like glue—superglue, even. he wasn’t loud about his love, but it was there, steady and unwavering, in every little thing he did. it never bothered you how he presented himself to others; his love for you was real, even if it wasn’t on display for everyone to see.

"i can’t believe you’ve made it this long with him," one of your friends said, breaking your thoughts.

you sighed, rolling your eyes. the urge to speak up, to defend him, bubbled in your chest. "you guys just don’t get it," you said, your tone calm but firm.

"we’re not trying to be mean," another friend chimed in, raising her hands defensively. "it’s just… don’t you want someone who’s a little more… present? someone who’ll shower you with affection all the time?"

you leaned back in your seat, crossing your arms. "he does show affection. just not in the way you expect him to. not everyone has to be loud about love to mean it."

"but, yn," another friend interjected, "you’re the kind of person who loves big gestures, who deserves to feel like the center of someone’s world."

"and i do," you countered, your voice a little sharper this time. "just because he doesn’t yell it from the rooftops doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me. it’s in the little things. like how he texts me to remind me to eat when he knows I’m busy. or how he’ll wake up early to make sure my coffee is ready before I leave. or how he never lets me go to bed upset, even if it means staying up all night to talk it out. you guys don’t see that side of him because he doesn’t show it to everyone. he shows it to me, and that’s enough."

your friends exchanged glances, clearly unsure of how to respond.

"look," you said, your tone softening, "i appreciate that you care about me. but sunghoon and i, we work. and that’s all that matters."

just then, your phone buzzed on the table. you glanced at the screen and felt your heart flutter at the sight of his name. the message was simple: "don’t stay out too late. i miss you."

a small smile crept onto your face as you typed back a quick reply. your friends noticed the change in your expression but didn’t say anything.

"he’s not perfect," you admitted, putting your phone down. "but he’s perfect for me."

the conversation shifted back to lighter topics after that, but as the night wore on, you found yourself glancing at your phone more often than usual.

later, as you walked into your apartment, you saw him waiting for you in the living room, still in his work clothes, his laptop closed on the coffee table. his eyes lit up when he saw you, and without a word, he pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly as if you’d been gone for weeks.

"missed you," he murmured against your hair.

"i missed you too," you whispered back, your heart swelling with warmth.

and in that moment, wrapped in his arms, you were reminded all over again why their opinions didn’t matter. because this? this was love. quiet, steady, and unshakable.

[controversially-young-girlfriend]

read me like a book 💌prof. spencer reid x reader

💋 office hours with your fav professor. oneshot smut with softdom spencer and praise 💋

you’re prone to skipping an occasional lecture - 9am is just too early to be up! you’re a week ahead on your developmental psych notes! but you’ve never missed a class with dr. spencer reid.

as much as you enjoy the course content (and actually do the required readings) your mind goes blank once professor reid enters the lecture hall and his words fade into the background as you admire his curly hair and soft eyes. you’re almost mad he’s so hot because your lack of focus just landed you a C+ on your recent essay. you’re embarrassed not at your own academic efforts but rather the effect he has on them.

as usual, you doll yourself up before heading to class and take a seat right in the middle where dr. reid tends to lay his eyes while lecturing.

after the heard of girls auditing the class finish talking to professor reid, you approach the front of the class to ask about your essay.

you’ve always loved talking to him after class, getting a few minutes of one-on-one time with him. he’s different when not lecturing, and has an endearing awkwardness that you’ve become infatuated with. you loved when a simple question turned into what felt like a personal lesson.

“hi dr. reid, i’m wondering if i could discuss my recent essay with you?”

“definitely, however i think the next class is starting in a few minutes. would you be okay to discuss it in my office?” he tells you and you feel yourself get hot. you’ve talked to him plenty of times but never in his office, your mind immediately fantasizing about all the things you’ve imagined him doing to you in there.

you try and remain composed on the walk there, making small talk to not let any signs of your schoolgirl crush on him show.

he opens the door for you, closing it before walking over to his desk. you hand him the essay and feel your heart flutter when your fingers grace each others briefly. you try your best to follow the feedback he’s adding in red pen but you’re transfixed on the way he’s moving his hands.

you snap out of it when he softly says your name, “i hope you’re not discouraged by the grade. you’re a smart girl.” you hope he doesn’t notice how hard you’re blushing at him calling you smart.

“i know you understand the concepts but your analysis needs to remain objective. i would have given you a B if you stayed closer to the assignment outline.”

the feedback is fair but you’re worried about your gpa. “is there anyway to do some extra credit or raise my grade?”

dr. reid tells you “come see me back here before the next assignment is due and we’ll go through it together.”

you’re grateful but dreading the end of this conversation and having to leave his office.

“thanks professor reid! i really enjoy these post-lecture conversations.” you know your words are implying something more, but you’re wondering if it shows.

dr. reid replies “me too.”

you guys make eye contact until he looks to the left and takes a deep breath. “by the way, most student-teacher relationships end horribly. not to mention they’re pretty explicitly banned in the contract i signed to guest lecture here.”

“oh my god oh um i’m sorry i didn’t mean to say anything that would make you uncomfortable.”

“don’t worry, you didn’t say anything. i think you just forgot that i make a career out of profiling people.” dr. reid tells you with a slight smile on his face

“so what gave it away then?”

“you’ve been blushing for the last 15 minutes and stumbling over your words despite being a normally eloquent student in class. you’re leaned into me talking right now and i’ve caught you staring at me multiple times.” he says while smiling. you’re relieved he’s not mad, but can’t quite identify his intentions of telling you this.

“well professor reid, you’re good at your job. but like you said i’m a smart girl, so it’s only fair i get to profile you back.”

you can tell you caught his attention with that, feeling him getting a bit nervous but leaning in to hear what you have to say. your legs are now touching as you list the little traits of his you’ve noticed all semester.

“you have a whole fan club of girls who come to your lectures and wait to talk to you. do you give all of them the student-teacher relationship talk? or am i just getting special treatment?”

he puts his hand on your thigh. “do you wear skirts this short when you talk to your other professors.” you’re shocked at how far he’s going but you don’t want him to stop.

“you’re easy to read, princess. i know when you’re sitting in my lectures and thinking about me. you subtly bite your lip and stare, and i can only imagine what you’re fantasizing about. i’d guess you get off on me being your older professor, me fucking you bent over my desk as i tell you how how you’re such a pretty little slut for me.”

is he a profiler or a mind reader? you don’t want to let him win but he looks at you self-satisfied and starts talking before you can think of a reply.

“and i’d place my job on the line that you’re wet just hearing that.”

“well professor reid, i’ll leave it to you to prove your theory.”

reid pushes up your skirt and feels your soaked panties. you watch him smile before pulling you into his lap and kissing you.

the makeout deepens as he grabs your waist, slowly guiding it to grind against him as his tongue is in your mouth. you hold him by the hair until he leans back to look at you. through heavy breaths he says “i’ve been thinking of you since i saw you in my first lecture.”

he takes your shirt and bra off, moving kissing your lips, down to your neck, and then down to your chest. you take off his cardigan and begin working on his button up shirt, leaving you both shirtless against eachother. “you’re so beautiful like this.” he tells you.

you feel him adjust your legs to take off your skirt and panties. slowly teasing his fingers at your entrance, he quickly dips a finger in just to tell you “you’re so wet, so desperate for me pretty girl.” as you try and rub against his hand for contact. he’s right, you need him badly right now.

dr. reid rubs circles on your clit and you let out a soft moan. he watches your face as he slips his fingers inside. “fuck you’re good, dr. reid.” you can tell being called by the honorific turns him on by the way he gripped you tighter and sighed. he takes his fingers out from inside you and pushes them into your mouth. you give him a show, looking him right in the eyes as you work your tongue around them. “you’re such a slut for me, baby.” you’re shocked that this sort of dirty talk is coming from your nerdy, cardigan wearing professor.

he pulls his fingers out and you unbuckle his belt. you palm him which earns a slight moan out of reid. “seems like you want me just as bad” you tell him. you pull down his boxers and he grabs your hair into a ponytail. with his other hand he lifts your chin slightly to ask, “well how bad do you want me?” you immediately begin going down on him, eager to impress.

you’re blissed out listening to the praises coming from him between the heavy breaths. “so pretty baby”, “taking me so well”

he lifts your head up, “wanna bend over the desk, sweetheart?” you gladly agree, anticipating him as he grips your hips and plants a kiss on your neck.

he’s big but you’re savouring every inch of professor reid inside of you. thrusting slowly as you adjust to the feeling. he speeds up as he talks you through it, “such a cute little slut sitting in my lectures imagining me fucking you like this. you feel so fucking good baby.” you begin to unravel with pleasure.

you can barely form a sentence but manage to ask “have a thing for fucking college girls, professor reid?” you say between moans.

he thrusts into you harder and positions his mouth right beside your ear, “just the ones who come into my office in short skirts to seduce me.”

you guys won’t last much longer, he feels your core tightening around him. “i want to watch you cum for me.” he tells you.

you unravel in his arms, with him finishing soon after. he holds you in his arms as you catch your breath. “maybe your profile was right about me, dr. reid” you say to him lightheartedly.

“you can call me spencer. although there is a definite appeal to being called dr. in this context” he says.

you help rearrange the papers on his desk that were pushed off earlier and get dressed again.

“um don’t worry about your essay grade. if you ever want to do this again perhaps i can count it as extra credit.” he smiles and tells you.

“i’d love that. i’ll be here after every lecture.” you say with a massive smile on your face.

he kisses you once more, “now go study. i’ll see you next week.”

[rebouks]

Previous // Next

Levi: Is it lame to say I missed you? Robin: No-.. don’t you think it’s nice when people say things like that? [Levi shrugged loosely, heel scuffing against the pavement as he avoided the question] Levi: Why’d you start talking to me again? Robin: I’m over it, in the grand scheme of things… Levi: But? Robin: Not everyone’s gonna be as understanding as me, Levi. You’re gonna have to learn-… Levi: I’m sorry, okay?! [Levi huffed; smoke from a stolen, slightly disgusting cigarette billowing from his mouth-.. that hadn’t come out right] Levi: Sorry-.. I’m sorry-.. like, genuinely sorry. Robin: I know. Levi: That’s it? Robin: What’d you expect? Levi: I don’t know… Robin: It didn’t have to be a big deal. Levi: Penny just doesn’t get it, y’know? Otherwise, she wouldn’t have joked about it. [Robin highly doubted that, but Penelope was a whole ‘nother kettle of fish entirely] Robin: You shouldn’t have told her either-.. you fucked up as well. Levi: I didn’t mean to-.. but yeah, my bad. Robin: It could’ve been over and done with if you’d just said that from the start. Levi: Guess I had to learn the hard way… [Robin let out a snort, knowing full well who’d planted that seed within Levi’s mind] Levi: If you ever tell me anything again, I promise I won’t tell anyone. Robin: Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Levi: Well, I intend to keep it, so… [Robin smiled warmly; comforted by Levi’s conviction and relieved by the weight lifted from his friend’s shoulders] Robin: Good. Levi: You get it though, right? Like.. I still have to hang out with them, it’d make things awkward if I didn’t. Robin: I’m sure there’s more than one way to get a scholarship. Levi: [hums] I’ll try n’ keep them off your back anyway-.. pretty sure you did a good job of that on your own though. Robin: I shouldn’t have done that. Levi: Eh, he was asking for a smack. Robin: Kinda…

…

Robin: What..? Levi: Can I ask you something? Robin: Always. Levi: Do you like boys? Robin: [laughs] Why, have you got a confession up your sleeve too? Levi: HAH-.. NO! I only like girls, but what about you? Robin: I don’t know-.. I think I’m pan. Levi: What’s that, like bi? Robin: I guess I don’t really think of people in terms of gender, like it doesn’t matter. Levi: I knew it! Okay, I just had the best idea ever. [Robin’s brow raised-.. whatever Levi was thinking, it must’ve literally just popped into his head] Levi: So, Aster totally has a crush on you, right? Robin: Oh-.. right? Levi: If you went out with him, it’d be like a free ticket to being cool. Robin: I don’t really want to be cool, to be honest. Levi: Okay, whatever-.. but that’d pretty much guarantee them leaving you alone. Like, it’s an unwritten rule you can’t be a dick to someone’s other half, y’know? [Robin squinted, less than convinced-.. he wasn’t sure Aster would be so open to parading him around like that] Levi: C’mon, it’s genius! Robin: I wouldn’t even know how to ask him out-.. I still can’t speak to him. [Levi huffed, frustrated by Robin’s lack of enthusiasm for his master plan] Robin: I guess I could-… Levi: Leave it to me. Robin: I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Levi: Just trust me! I’ll think of something. Robin: Hmm… Levi: Please? We’d get to hang out way more often. Robin: It wouldn’t be the same. Levi: Better than nothing? [Robin couldn’t help but laugh as Levi shoved him excitedly] Robin: [snorts] Fine. Levi: YES! Okay, okay.. just make sure you get detention again on Monday. Robin: Easy-peasy.

[ardentguilt]

Im a trans man and I had a complete hysterectomy last year.

You can essentially have 3 levels that entail removal of different things ranging from just the uterus to the uterus, ovaries and tubes and finally the uterus, ovaries, tubes and cervix (What had done).

The processed can be done as an open surgery OR laparascopically (aka keyhole) and often what one of these is best determined by other factors like whether you’ve had prior abdominal surgery.

As someone who hasn’t had previous abdominal surgery the best bet for me was keyhole.

This entailed 4 small incisions (approx 1cm long each.) one toward the left side of my lower abdomen, one toward the right side of my lower abdomen, one right in the middle toward the top of the pubic region (basically just below the hairline of your pubes) and one vertical incision inside the bellybutton.

The main thing to know about a hysterectomy is that it’s a proceedure that does tend to make you feel VERY tired right after so it’s not uncommon to feel exhausted and do a lot of sleeping during the first 24-48 hours post op.

The proceedure does require catheterisation which can be uncomfortable and in some cases it may not be draining properly which you’ll know because you’ll start feeling discomfort in your bladder area. Just buzz for the nurses and they can sort things out, you may need it repositioned or even just have your bed tilted slightly to get some help from gravity.

Hospital stays are as little as overnight to longer and seems to be dependent on whether you are able to fully empty your bladder without the catheter. If you can do that as there’s no other issues you’re good to go.

While I’m not a cis woman and have been on T for ~8 years now I haven’t noticed any negative side effects of having the proceedure at all, if anything it’s improved my health physically and mentally.

If you want it done go for it and on the chance you might want bio kids in the future but you want your reproductive system gone they CAN harvest and freeze your eggs beforehand.

Now don’t take my word for it when it comes to how painful it is or how long it takes to recover because I’m a medical mystery and generally don’t feel physical pain so I never actually had any pain or discomfort with the proceedure or recovery and healed completely in ~3 weeks 4 days.

If you’ve NEVER had surgery before and are nervous about what it feels like to have surgery it’s literally like taking the best nap of your life. One moment you’re awake and the next you’re coming to in recovery as if no time has passed at all, you’ll probably fall asleep again and next thing you know you’ll be in one of the wards with no memory of how you got there.

For Aussies in the Hunter Valley/Newcastle region one surgeon I highly reccomend is Dr Angela Dunford who works out of Newcastle Fertility Clinic and performs the procedure out of Lingard Private Hospital (actually a really great hospital with great food and attentive caring staff).

She’s a really nice woman who has experience working with both cis women and gender diverse people, is very respectful of the decision to have the proceedure and won’t try to talk you out of it if you’re younger etc.

She also doesn’t believe in charging trans men an insane amount for the surgery because she essentially told me that as far as she’s concerned it’s not an elective procedure but an essential one in the context of a trans patient wanting it done. I mentioned I had limited income and she legit didn’t charge me a cent for the procedure. Sometimes the anaesthetist will charge a fee but I got lucky and mine waived the fee so all I had to pay was whatever fees the hospital charged which generally here is no more that $750 so that’s all I paid for the proceedure then earlier this year the hospital refunded me that cost (not sure why but I wonder whether it was down to my only needing an overnight stay and not requesting any resources like pain relief post op etc???)

As for whether having all this taken out will affect your HRT (ie with it gone will you need a smaller T dose because all that stuff won’t be producing hormones anymore) I did test this with my endocrinologist after having my proceedure and there was no effect on the levels of T in my system and no need to adjust my dose/extend the timeframe between doses.

If anyone has questions about any of this feel free to hit me up and I’m happy to answer and/or give you a link to a Google doc I put together with some info about the surgery (and other FtM transgender stuff like HRT and top surgery)

if you're looking for a sign to get the hysterectomy, get it. if you are wondering if you will feel freer, less burdened, more optimistic, lighter without your uterus, you will. if you simply want to never get periods again, get the hysterectomy. if you want to have sex with a different person every day forever and never worry about getting pregnant, get the hysterectomy. if you don't know whether or not you want to stay on hormones, get the hysterectomy anyway. if you're afraid you're too young, and that people will judge you, get it anyway. you don't have to live in a hostile body. you are the one who gets to decide what it will and will not do.

[glamourscat]

you’re now my new friend so im gonna complain about some fans🤭🤭🤭

THE OTHER THING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IS tim isn’t weak????? its canon damian says “drake is stronger than i like to admit” or something like that but the idea is that tim is canonically strong i mean cmon he’s a bat??? i saw something that another writer wrote and i really don’t want to disrespect but she(?) wrote something like tim couldn’t do the ‘jacked and kind’ trend. HE CAN HE HAVE TO IF HE COULD NOT HOW CAN HE BE A BAT HE HAVE TO BE STRONG

and he’s really smart like i don’t even now how to say it but its conan bruce think tim can even be smarter than him and damian says tim is the smartest!!!

i mean i get it tim isn’t the most popular robin but he’s really great but tiktok and tumblr makes him look like an idiot who’s just soft??? HE IS NOT his story is really interesting if you just read instead of making him look like some weak thing.

and bcz of the misinformation people just don’t like tim😭😭😭😭

and i don’t even want to talk about coffee addiction LIKE PLS STOP THIS MADNESS

ps:i probably made grammer mistakes sorry🙏🏼 AND i would like to send some asks when im more awake😭😭😭 it’s 3am rn

Don’t worry about it ahaha. Me and grammatical errors are like this 🤝🏻. Also, if you’re comfortable with it, let’s be moots 😭. I honestly need more people to yap with about Tim.

and yes ofc! Feel free to send more asks about Tim whenever u wish :)

Now, onto what you said. YES, YES, AND YES AGAIN. Thank you! I’m going to be honest here, I think Tim’s mischaracterization as “weak” boils down to the fact that many people see him as a twink……. The amount of art, both drawn and written, where he is depicted as this frail little thing that can’t think for himself and is weak and shy is too big. I mean, are we looking at the same character?

When I see people butchering Tim’s character, it’s clear to me that they haven’t read the comics. I’m not saying you need to read ALL of them—that’s just absurd considering the number of runs there are. Just the main ones could be beneficial. You know, having a general idea about the character.

He was trained by Bruce (and we know Bruce’s training is anything but easy), Nightwing and lastly, Lady Shiva herself. He has mastered many unarmed styles of fighting, including Leopard Kung Fu, Savate, Judo, Capoeira, Karate, Dragon Kung Fu, and Bojutsu.

He might not be a tank like Jason (side note: let’s remember Jason is the way he is thanks to the Lazarus Pit, because he was malnourished growing up, which stunted his growth). Just because Tim isn’t ripped and has a leaner build doesn’t mean he is weak. Nor does it mean he is stupid. His IQ is 142, and he is cited as the most analytical of Batman’s proteges, with detective skills on par with Batman himself. Like you said, BRUCE HIMSELF says he believes Tim is smarter than him in some ways.

And on the coffee addiction—that’s so funny to me because, if I’m not wrong, he drank coffee ONE time in canon, someone made it his personality, and everyone ran with it 😭.

I just can’t. Honestly, Tim is a skater boy. A punk at heart, who listens to bands like Oasis and Green Day. He is absolutely obsessive at times, loud and opinionated. He is a child prodigy and grew up rather isolated. Then his mother died. He and his father got into deep arguments because of his job as Robin. He stopped, then started again. His father died, and he found his father’s dead body while wearing his Robin uniform. He escaped Bruce for about a month, forging a fake adoption certificate from a FAKE uncle he made up because he didn’t want to be taken in by Bruce.

He feels like he is a burden and still keeps that sentiment, which was incremented when Damian joined the family and took his spot as Robin, leaving Tim feeling hopeless. He became Red Robin, lost his best friend (or something more) and went absolutely insane trying to clone him. He can’t handle loss for shit. The same thing happened in his Red Robin run where he ignored both Nightwing and Steph, who tried to stop him from following his unhinged plan of finding Bruce, who was presumed dead but Tim thought was alive. To save his loved ones, he willingly jumped from a building while injured, almost dying.

This, in my eyes, is anything but weak.

He is my unhinged bisexual gremlin. Love him so much

[kookoomyboy]

line without a hook

⊂❀⊃ pairing : jungkook x oc

⊂❀⊃ genre : fluff (soft like cotton ;)), brother's bestfriend!jk

⊂❀⊃ wc: 1691

⊂❀⊃ summary: drabble | when he confesses to you and you press his heart tattoo in response; you as the shy speech impaired girl

⊂❀⊃ a/n: one of my favs i just adore this so i hope you do too!

< jjk titles,,> ♡ kookoomyboy ®

Skipping through the small pathway towards your home, sight scattering to the shops and bakeries that were open and the fresh aroma of Mr. Jeon’s baguettes made you automatically peep in through the glass door of the bakery you often visit  after school hours. The old man noticed your doe eyes wide at the sight of the freshly baked delicacy as he stepped forward to open the door and let you in. Mr Jeon was like a guardian to you and your brother Jimin, ever since your parents sadly passed away in an accident. Something that changed your life, something that made your world dark. You lost your ability to speak, but you could hear. Ever since, you never mingled with others, but slowly your life changed when Mr. Jeon and his son Jungkook stepped into your life. You gained back your confidence and started to be a little more social and now everything in your life was perfect. With him. Yes, you had this whole damn crush on the man who fixed you, being by your side. He made you believe in yourself, and that you were just like any other person out there. 

"Come in dear, how was your day?" Mr Jeon asked, his fatherly warmth making you crack up a smile. You settled yourself on the wooden  table as he placed a plate of fresh snacks in front of you and you looked so ready to dig in. Mr Jeon chuckled and patted your head with affection, placing himself on a chair next to you. You had picked up sign language pretty quickly, and all the people you know would understand you, and you felt really lucky for that. 

[ the sign languages would be put in between asterisks (*) and in bold italics for better understanding ]

*I had a pretty good day, Mr. Jeon. Jungkook taught me guitar today during the music session* You smiled, taking a bite of the macaroons in front of you. 

“That’s great, I’d like to hear you play one day” Mr. Jeon winked and the both of you giggled.

Just then the cafe started filling up with music, and you knew exactly who it was. It’s Jungkook’s habit to turn on music as soon as he comes into his dad’s cafe. You turned around, immediately spotting him, a leather jacket hung on his shoulder his tattooed hand on display through the short sleeves of the black t-shirt he wore, 

“Hey there, m’lady” Jungkook waved at you, taking a seat in front of you as an exhausted sigh left his lips. Both of you being best friends by now, you were used to these nicknames that he called you. Just a small change though, whenever he called you these, your heart would skip a beat, and your eyes filled with love, in its purest form.

“Jungkook, why don’t you come in a bit early and help me here, you know I’m not getting any younger.” Mr. Jeon said, as you scoffed a little, side eyeing the pouty man in front of you. 

“Dad.. I went out with my friends.. NOW before you say anything, we had practice. Some of them are coming here too so I wanted to let you know that we’ll need extra food hehe” He smiled innocently, and you saw Mr. Jeon glaring at him before walking away.

*Jungkook, did you see Jimin anytime after class? I didn’t get to meet him today* You signed to Jungkook as he replied

“Yeah, he’s coming here along with a couple of our friends today.” He said, looking away from you, with a smile on his face. You felt something off about him today, usually he’d just talk for hours to you, but even while he was teaching you to play guitar back at school, he absolutely avoided any eye contact. To be honest, you really wanted to make a move as it’s Valentine’s day, seeing a lot of couples celebrating everywhere, even at school. But you’re not confident enough. What if he doesn’t want to be your friend anymore? “He deserves a lot more” these thoughts were just fully occupying your head, you’re overthinking was pricking your heart a lot. So you just sat there in front of Jungkook, munching on the food, but thoughtfully placing a macaron in his mouth as he went through his phone. 

The door of the cafe swung open, and a group of boys scuttled in, along with your brother Jimin. “Y/N !!!” He squealed and took you in a hug, after a long tiring day. He was such a supportive and understanding brother, and a very good friend of Jungkook. 

*Jimin, who are they? I've never seen them with you or Jungkook before* You queried as the latter looked at the boys behind him and back to you. "They're our new buddies. We actually enrolled in a music academy nearby, you remember? The one I always wanted to go to." 

*You really did that and I didn't know huh? I'm not talking to you* You made an angry face and Jimin pinched your cheeks. 

"You would know sooner or later, pie." He giggled, making you shift from the "angry mode".

"Hey mate, who's this?" One of the boys who were seated at another table came forward and asked Jimin, the others following suit.

"This is my one and only sister, Park Y/N." He wrapped an arm around your shoulder and you smiled at them. 

"Pie, meet Jaemin, Baekhyun and Mark." You bowed at them and one of the guys, Baekhyun spoke

"Damn, let her speak buddy, conversation is the key, ya know?" Jimin glared at his friend while you looked around, feeling suffocated all of a sudden. It took you so much time to leave the past in an unattended corner of your heart, and made sure you never slipped into it again, but with those insecurities that occurred in your head not so long ago,  and the statement “conversation is the key” started ringing in your head, a pang hitting your heart. 

But all of a sudden, a strong hand wrapped around yours and on looking up, you found Jungkook looking at you with worried eyes. 

“Uh, guys we’ll be back alright? I gotta give her an um, guitar class yeah we’ll see you around.” He dragged you out of the cafe, hands still securely wrapped around yours. 

“Uh-huh, why’s he so awkward?” Baekhyun turned to Jimin, who was still throwing daggers at him. Yes, they never knew about you, but Jimin found you unusually affected by Baekhyun’s words, and that angered him.

“She’s speech impaired.” Jimin’s words hit the latter like a truck, as he mumbled “shit” 

“Buddy, look I really didn’t know, I’m so sorry damn how can I make it up?”

-

Jungkook started his black bike that was parked a little far away from the cafe and handed you a helmet and his jacket. “Hold tight, alright? Don’t let go.” Simple sentence, but a great impact. Your slender arms encircled his well built waist, you could feel his abs through the flimsy material of the shirt he wore. The smell of his hit your senses, as a crimson tint spread through your soft cheek skin. For a moment, even though your thoughts screamed this won’t last for long, you felt calm with the wind brushing your hair backwards but little did you know, Jungkook had his gaze on your ethereal figure 

that clung on to him tightly and he wished he could hold you close. And that was going to happen.

He stopped near an open area, a little too high from the ground but you could care less. All you needed is some fresh air, and this felt perfect, with the setting sun and the man you love with you.

You were about to sit down there on the slightly dirty grass, when his hands gently removed the leather jacket around your figure and wrapped it around your waist as you wore a white skirt all along. You were flabbergasted at how he noticed all such tiny things, and you felt so in love. 

You both sat silently, but a million thoughts in your minds. Even if you didn’t speak, he felt you through your eyes. He knows you inside out. Jungkook scooted closer to you and took your hand in his. 

“Look Y/N, I know, this might not be the right moment and heck today is Valentine’s day, and I wanted it to be grander but I think you really need to know this”

You raised an eyebrow, your eyes on his. He sighed a little before speaking;

“I love you, I want you to be a part of me, my heart, forever.” Your eyes widened and heart picked up it’s pace as if it was longing to reach home, your home, which is the man right in front of you.

Your insecurities backing away at his confession, you couldn’t even take your hands out of his grip. And you thought of a way to reciprocate your feelings.

Your thumb slightly traced up till his heart tattoo that was inked on the back of his hand and gently pressed it, still looking into his eyes. Him being the man who noticed all the tiny things, smiled fondly at your cute way of confessing back, as he joined your foreheads together. 

“Damn princess, I’m just out of words, I love you so much. And what you did just now, it’s gonna be our thing. And don’t ever worry nor have any insecurities, it’s your world and I’m just a part of it but I promise to protect you forever.” His pinky finger was intertwined around yours as his other hand went up to your cheek, caressing it.

“May I, love?” You nodded as his lips were on yours in no time. 

He understood you no matter what and you saw all the colors of love in his eyes. 

[psychoticallykind]

Share with me?

This was my first attempt at writing for day 20 (Baking) of Jegumas, but the story got away from me so I ended up doing something different. However, I actually really like it so I finished it today and thought I would share.

@noblehouseofgay because I think you'll like it.

2,209 words

Trigger Warning: Dysphoria, Dysphoric thoughts

--------------------------------------------------------------

Regulus forced himself to take a deep breath. “It’s fine,” he insisted to the empty bathroom. “I’m fine. It was a dumb comment. It doesn’t mean anything.”

His reflection blinked back tears, long black lashes and flushed skin. But not crying. Not quite, not over this. It wasn’t worth it. He was better than that.

“I don’t care.” Regulus took another deep breath. “I don’t. It doesn’t matter what they think. I don’t care, I’m fine, it’s fine.”

There was a light knock on the door, and panic spiked through his chest. “It’s occupied.”

“I know, love. Are you okay in there?”

Oh. Right.

Of course, James had found him.

Regulus swallowed, trying to sound as steady as possible. “I’m fine.”

“Okay,” James replied. “I was just checking, you’ve been missing for a while.”

The gentle tone threatened to undo all of his hard work - suppress, deny, refuse to feel it. Refuse to react.

James was making it very hard to not feel anything.

“I just said I’m fine,” Regulus snapped, and immediately regretted it. He softened his tone. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

One deep breath. Two.

“That’s okay, love. Take your time, I’m okay to wait.”

Take your time.

Regulus pressed his hands over his eyes. He was not going to cry. Not here, not at some stupid office party. He would not. It was simply not an option, no matter how irritatingly compassionate James sounded right now.

He could get through this. He would smile and talk and be what he needed to be. That was fine. He could do that.

One deep breath. Two. Three.

Four and five, for good measure.

Regulus checked his reflection. He looked - well, he still looked a little upset. But no one would be able to tell unless they knew him and were looking for it, which these people didn’t and wouldn’t.

James was standing against the opposite wall when Regulus opened the door. Dark curls and an emerald green that looked nice on his skin tone. Nothing compared to a deep red, but he’d wanted to match with Regulus tonight.

“Hey,” James greeted him, and Regulus was not going to cry.

“I’m not crying,” he informed his boyfriend.

James nodded, giving Regulus a gentle smile. “I see that.”

And Regulus thought he probably did. James always saw him better than he was supposed to - saw past glares and smiles and posture. Pandora had suggested he was an empath, and Regulus had been slightly inclined to agree.

“I just need to get through the next two hours,” Regulus said, locking everything inside of him into place. “And then we can go home.”

“We don’t need to stay if you don’t want to,” James said softly. Not implying, but not moving from his spot, either.

He was letting Regulus choose.

Regulus hesitated. “Are you sure? Won’t - don’t you have to stay? You own - it’s your company.”

“No one has to stay,” James denied, shaking his head. “It’s a party, Regulus, not a board meeting. Some people only came by for a few minutes. Some won’t come at all. We can leave whenever we want.”

Regulus took another deep breath to avoid feeling things.

James stepped forward, gently taking his hand. “What do you want to do?”

Well, he’d lasted a solid three minutes. Maybe.

“I want to go home,” Regulus admitted, squeezing James’s hand. “Please.”

“Do you want to go through the party to get our jackets or do you want to go the back way and sneak out?”

Regulus could look presentable in front of everyone. He could walk through the crowd and pretend to be okay.

But - well, he didn’t actually have to. Not with James. “I don’t want to go through the party.”

“Sounds great.” James pulled him into a tight hug, kissing the top of his head before letting go.

Regulus couldn’t really help smiling as they separated, following James down the abandoned hallways until they reached the front.

James waved goodbye to the person manning the desk, and then they were outside. Regulus took another deep breath, letting the frigid air clear his head a little more.

James opened his door for him, and Regulus couldn’t help smiling as he got in the car.

Then they started driving, and James was humming along to the music, and it was all so safe.

It was safe, he was safe, and then he was crying, one hand pressed against his mouth and his expression turned to the window so that James wouldn’t see.

“Regulus?”

Regulus bit down hard on his lip.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Will you look at me?”

He shook his head, which was probably dumb. It wasn’t like he’d succeeded - James knew he was upset now.

“Alright, love. Can I pull over? What can I do?”

“Ignore it,” Regulus managed. He closed his eyes. “Ignore me. Don’t act like - just ignore me.”

He knew James would be making that face - the one that meant he hated listening but would do it anyway. He knew it, but didn’t let himself look.

James hated it when Regulus didn’t let him help. Absolutely despised it. But sometimes Regulus couldn’t let him help. He couldn’t talk about it, couldn’t stand letting anyone see him when he was falling apart.

“For how long?”

Forever, Regulus wanted to say. Let me deal with it on my own. Let me drown in it.

But that would be cruel, and he didn’t want to do that to James. So he settled. “Until we get home.”

Then, as an afterthought, “No speeding.”

The quiet grumble that earned him almost made him smile.

It took twenty minutes for them to get home. Twenty minutes for Regulus to be self-destructive - to say to himself all of the things he’d heard before.

It’s your own fault you feel this way.

You know you deserve it.

That’s why you won’t let him help.

If you don’t want to be a girl, you shouldn’t act like one.

You can’t keep crying over something so stupid.

Now he wants to help.

You made him leave the party.

You ruined his night.

You ruin everything, don’t you?

You’re never quite right. Always a little messed up.

Always a bother, a nuisance.

Always upset over something.

“We’re home.”

The words jolted Regulus out of his head for a second, and then James was out of the car. Seconds later, Regulus’s door was open.

James unbuckled his seat belt and leaned forward to pick him up, holding him close to his chest. “I love you, and we’re home, so I’m allowed to tell you that now.”

And it felt so wrong. So wrong and jarring, because he didn’t deserve that. He was wrong, ruined, he was messed up, he messed everything up.

“I love you, you’re perfect.” James managed to close the car door and started walking, pressing a kiss to Regulus’s temple. “You make my life better just by being in it. My incredible boyfriend.”

Regulus flinched, hiding his expression against James’s chest. “I’m not.”

“Not what?” James asked, carrying him inside. “Not incredible? You’re definitely incredible. So smart and talented.”

Regulus shook his head, the words falling between them. “Not a real boy.”

James’s arms tightened around him for a moment, and then he set Regulus on the counter. “You’re wrong.”

Regulus looked down, his breath catching for a second. “I know.”

Wrong, wrong, all wrong.

“Not like that.” James tapped on his chin, gently urging him to look back up. “You’re perfect. The perfect boy, my perfect boyfriend. So handsome and clever and strong.”

Regulus shook his head. “I baked brownies.”

“I know.” James gently wiped at his cheeks, removing tears. “They were amazing, everyone loved them.”

“No, James,” Regulus insisted, stressing the words. “I baked brownies.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “Like a girl.”

“Oh, love.” James tugged him forward, wrapping him up. “Baking doesn’t make you less of a boy. Nothing can, it’s impossible. You could bake brownies in a pink dress and heels wearing a full face of makeup, and you would still be a boy. Nothing can change that.”

Regulus sobbed quietly, shaking his head.

“One day,” James told him. “I’m going to marry you, and you’ll be my husband. And I’ll be the second-happiest guy in the world, because you’ll have to be the happiest. I won’t be able to live with myself otherwise.”

Regulus sucked in a sharp breath. “What?”

“You heard me.” James massaged the back of his head. “No one will be surprised, really. I talk about you all the time - my incredible boyfriend. I have like seven pictures of you on my desk - you know that, though, you’ve seen them.”

Regulus’s breath stuttered, and he held James tighter. “You can’t marry me.”

“Well, not if you don’t say yes,” James replied. “Which would be okay. There’s no obligation, you know, and we can talk about it beforehand. But I would love to, one day. If you’re okay with that.”

Regulus’s voice was small. “What if I’m not?”

“Then we won’t get married.” James ran a hand down his back with a quiet hum. “And we can be happy as we are. I love you regardless, Regulus.”

Dark thoughts tumbled around in his head, but he couldn't voice them. It would invalidate James, he couldn’t do that.

“What are you thinking?” James murmured.

“Bad things,” Regulus admitted.

“Share with me?”

“They’re bad,” he repeated. “You won’t like it.”

“Probably not,” James said agreeably. “But I love you, and I want to know.”

It took a few minutes. A few minutes of back-and-forth, debating with himself. Honesty wasn’t easy or kind, and Regulus wasn’t generally a fan of it.

But James was. He really was - Regulus had never met a more honest person in his life.

“I’m thinking that you love me regardless because you love everyone.”

The words were small. They stung, because it was true. James wasn’t gay - he was pansexual. He loved Regulus.

Regardless of whether he was a real boy or not.

He felt James’s breath catch. “Oh.”

Regulus winced. Maybe honesty had been the wrong choice.

“Okay. I - I need to look at you, love, sorry.” James urged him back, separating them so that he could meet Regulus’s eyes. “You’re right about me. I can love anyone, and I’m not denying that.”

Oh, that hurt, too. Regulus held his breath, eyes darting away from James and to the microwave instead.

“Uh-uh, look at me.”

Regulus bit his lip as he followed the instruction. His lungs were starting to burn.

“Do you remember when we met?” James asked. His hands moved to Regulus’s shoulders, massaging.

Regulus nodded, not trusting his voice just now.

“I didn’t know you were trans,” James pointed out, earnest. “I didn’t know when we met. I didn’t know when we started dating. I fell in love with you before I knew, Reg, you know that.” He traced along Regulus’s collarbone. “Breathe, Regulus.”

His whole body relaxed a bit as he listened, taking in a few deep breaths.

“I have always known you as a boy,” James reminded him quietly. “And I’ve never seen you as anything else.”

Regulus swallowed hard. “Promise?”

“I promise.” James traced his cheekbones, gently swiping over the skin. “Believe me?”

He took a deep breath. “I believe you.”

“Perfect.” James kissed his forehead. “Want to tell me what happened?”

“It’s dumb,” Regulus mumbled, cheeks heating. “It was dumb.”

“Dumb or not, I need to know if I need to fire someone,” James replied.

“Don’t.” Regulus shook his head. “He didn’t know.”

James frowned a little. “Who?”

Regulus shrugged. “I don’t know. He had a bright green tie, looked terrible.”

“Oh, Timothy.” James’s frown grew. “What did he say?”

“He was eating a brownie,” Regulus explained. His voice faltered, but James was rubbing his shoulders again, and it helped. “And he said that when food tastes that good, you can tell a woman did the baking.”

It was a dumb comment. It wasn't targeted, or mean, or purposefully triggering.

But it so closely echoed the things Regulus had heard - had been forced to learn, to internalize. It was so close, and it had torn Regulus apart.

“That’s ridiculous,” James denied, adamant. “I’ll speak to him on Monday.”

“No, James -”

“I will, and I won’t bring up your name, but he needs to know he hurt someone with his thoughtless comments and he will know it,” James interrupted. “Okay?”

He could say no. Regulus knew that - he could say no, could ask James to drop it, and James would listen. He might not like it, but he’d listen.

But he kind of liked that James cared so much. He liked knowing James would defend him.

So Regulus nodded, pulling James forward into a brief kiss. It tasted like champagne and chocolate from earlier, and he was sure James could taste salt from all the crying. And then, when they separated, he whispered the word into James’s parted lips. “Okay.”

Three days later, Regulus received a handwritten apology letter and an apology basket from Timothy. It was addressed to ‘the guy who made the fantastic brownies’.

[helluvabinge]

Ok, but let’s talk about the fact that they can’t hear each other, because that means that everything they are saying is either internal monologue or things they wish they could say to each other, but these thoughts are independent from what the other person is saying.

So let’s split them up.

Stolas:

Why am I throwing my freedom away for this idiot? I would rather be dead than live life without you by my side. So if it keeps you alive…I am the mastermind, the master of my fate. Sure as the stars have shined, I’ll give my life to clean your slate. You’re my light. Only death can rend our love apart

Stolas’s motivations are the focus of the song, so there’s not a lot of surprising stuff here, but let’s break it down.

Stolas is definitely acting on a whim here. He only has seconds to come up with a plan based on very limited information about what the court knows (remember, he didn’t see any of the trial, just the announcement of the execution). He makes a decision that may be a bit brash and he definitely hasn’t thought it through, but the song gives him a moment to reflect. What am I doing? I am so frustrated and heartbroken by what this man has done. Why am I throwing my life away for him?

And of course, there’s a very simple reason. Stolas loves Blitz. He loves him so much that he can’t imagine a world where Blitz is completely gone. Despite his recent heartbreak, there’s still hope that they’ll find their way back to each other, however distant that is. Blitz’s death would be the end of that hope, and Stolas would rather give his own life rather than lose that tiny hope.

He reaffirms that he is the master of his fate. He is doing what Blitz has always given him the courage to do. He makes a decision for himself, based on his own wants and his own happiness. He chooses his fate, rather than letting others decide it for him. He can do this one good thing, this one redemptive action for this mess that he has made. He can clean Blitz’s slate and take his place.

Stolas’s fate up to now has been to watch distant lights and divine prophecy from them, but Blitz is his light, warm and present. He’s the only future Stolas wants, the future he gets to chose rather than one that is chosen for him. How could anything but death come between that love?

On the other side…

Blitz:

What have you done? I can’t live life without you by my side. What are you doing? I don’t deserve this! I realized too late. Don’t give your life to clean my slate. You’re my heart. Only death can rend our love apart.

Blitz’s vocals echo Stolas’s, but I think they reveal even more when taken on their own.

Blitz is just starting to realize what Stolas’s plan is. As it dawns on him, he starts to panic. Like Stolas, Blitz knew prior to the trial that their relationship was likely irreparably damaged and that they were definitely not getting back together. But also like Stolas, he had that tiny distant hope that maybe they could find their way back to each other. He doesn’t want to go on without Stolas by his side. He genuinely loves him and the thought of being without him has been heartbreaking. The thought that it could be permanent is unbearable.

And of course, Blitz’s self worth issues rear their ugly head as he begs Stolas to stop. What are you doing? I don’t deserve this! I’m not worth this. I’m a piece of shit. I have hurt so many people, including you. Why would you give your life for me? I did this, and so much worse. Why are you taking my punishment?

(He also says he realized too late, but it’s unclear if he’s referring to his feelings or that he realized Stolas’s plan too late to stop him. I don’t know. Let me know what you guys think.)

He pleads with Stolas, his heart, the person who finally made him want to feel, to be a better person not just for Stolas, but for all the people in his life. Stolas is his heart, and he will love that stuck up horny owl (affectionate) until the day he dies.

I love that they twined these lines together, as it does a great job of showing their relationship dynamic of constantly talking past each other. Even in this moment when they are in perfect sync, they have no idea how much the other’s feelings mirror their own.

Anyway, I love this song and I’m going to go listen to it again.

[mattysprincess]

Love me like it’s the last thing you’ll do.

This is the prequel to this Drabble

SMUT! MDNI!!

It’s not proofread so if you find any mistakes don’t be shy to DM me!! And I’m always open for criticism and tips!

You and Mattheo had been dating for around 1 month, you kept your relationship Private for now because as much as he loved you… he was still scared of others viewing him as weak for actually having feelings, for being in love.

For the record, Mattheo Riddle has never been in a relationship nor romantically involved with any girl ever, it was all hookups and one night stands and so you understood that he wanted to take it slow, understanding his worries and fears.

The problem with that however is that you can’t show affection to eachother in public, leading to others thinking you’re single and free to hit on… which Mattheo can’t seem to handle very well.

Mattheo shoots you a quick text after some overly confident Gryffindor tried flirting with you.

‘My dorm. Now.’

That doesn’t sound too good… You immediately make your way to his dorm, not bothering to knock, as always, you slowly push the door open revealing a frowning Mattheo pacing in his room. “Why were you so close to him?” He immediately shoots and his tone confirms your bad feeling. “Mattheo-“ “Why the fuck were you even with him? Did he make you laugh? Is he better? Did you flirt with him-?!” “Mattheo.”

Your firm voice cuts through his questions and he looks at you as you step closer, standing right infront of him now. “Will you let me speak?’’ He runs a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated but nods. “Thank you.. no, I did not flirt with him, no he didn’t make me laugh and no he isn’t better than you. He came up to me and tried to flirt but I told him I’m not interested and to use his awful flirting skills with someone else.” You cup his cheeks, rubbing your thumb back and forth gently. “You know you’re the only one I allow to flirt with me…”

Mattheos expression soften at your words and touch, feeling guilty for even thinking you would. “I’m sorry I just- I don’t know… I hate when guys think they can flirt with you and have a chance with you.” He lifts one hand to cup yours that’s on his cheek, squeezing lightly. You smile at his little gesture and apology, letting out a soft breath.

“It’s okay Matty… just next time let me speak first, yeah?” you chuckle softly, leaning up to press a soft kiss to the tip of his nose, making him let out a chuckle under his breath.

“I don’t deserve you…” he mutters lowly, looking at you like you’re the most precious living and breathing thing. You feel a light pink dust your cheeks, yet a frown finds its way to your lips. “Matty… you do deserve me.” you say softly, voice barely above a whisper and he just shakes his head. “Baby… you’re everything I never will be. You’re soft, delicate, sweet… you’re like a ray of sunshine wherever you go. You make people happy just by smiling at them, your voice brings others comfort and warmth. You’re every good thing bundled up into a person and I'm-" he sighs and sits down at the edge of his bed, looking down "and I’m me.” he murmurs.

The frown on your face stays as you walk up to stand between his legs, cupping his cheeks to coax him to look up at you. “look at me please my love..” you say softly, so much warmth in your tone that he can’t help the way his heart flutters, the way he looks up at you so willingly. He’d do anything if you’d just asked with that sweet voice of yours, one word, a simple syllable is enough to make him forget about everything else. “Mattheo you’re you and that’s what makes you so special.” you whisper, like sharing a secret with him “you say you’re not sweet, kind nor soft… but when you touch me it’s like I’m made out of the finest porcelain, when you talk to me I feel like I’m floating, you go out of your way to do anything that might make me crack a smile and you always help me with everything even if I keep telling you I can do it myself.” You smile at him, stroking his cheek and he smiles back lightly “I know you can do it yourself.. but I’m your boyfriend, I want to do it for you. You shouldn’t have to lift a finger when I’m around.” He takes one of your hands that’s on his cheek and brings it to his mouth, brushing his lips against your knuckles. “This is why you deserve me Mattheo… me and so much more.” You whisper, leaning down to press a soft kiss to his lips.

The kiss, supposed to be sweet, quickly gets deeper as he tangles one of his hands in your hair and his other pulls you onto his lap, pressing you flush against him. He nudges his tongue against your bottom lip, asking for entrance that you grant him so willingly. He pushes his tongue into your mouth, tasting you, exploring you like he’s done countless of times yet it still feels different. Softer, gentler, more passionate and like he’s pouring all of his love and affection into a single kiss. It’s making both your heart swell with love as well as make your pussy throb with excitement and desire and you know Mattheos feeling the same because the second you grind your hips down onto his you feel his bulge pressing flush against you, the only thing separating you being his pants and your panties.

“Fuck… baby I need you.” He murmur against your lips, his hands slipping beneath the fabric of your shirt, thumbs striking the undersides of your breasts as his mouth moves down to press hot opened mouthed kisses from your jaw down to the column of your throat.

“Then take me, Matty… I’m only yours to take.” You breathe out, Mattheos eyes darkening as the words leave your mouth. “That’s right… mine.” He murmurs against your skin and lifts your shirt up and over your head, leaning back to admire you. “Merlin… you’re beautiful. My beautiful, beautiful girl.. all mine baby.” He says under his breath, more to himself than to you.

His hands roam your body, squeezing and caressing whatever he can, all the while whispering sweet nothings against your skin. You let him, sitting in his lap all soft and pliant and patient, just letting him feel you and worship you however he wants. His hands reach your thighs, going up and under your skirt, his fingers playing with the hem of your panties. “You gonna be a good girl and let me worship your pretty little body, baby?” He murmurs against your neck and all you can do is nod as your stomach flutters in the best way possible. “So perfect, such a perfect girl for me hm?” He grins, pulling your panties down your legs and patting your thigh, silently telling you to stand so you do. He pulls them down completely, then slowly unzips your skirt, letting it drop and pool at your feet. You stand before him, bare as he finally unclasps your bra and removes the last piece of clothing that’s preventing him from seeing all of you. He stands, towering above you as he grabs your waist and lays you down on the bed. “You’re beautiful… fuck you’re so perfect, baby, I could look at you forever and never get bored of it.” He whispers under his breath, looking at you with soft eyes yet you see the hunger behind them, the simmering heat of desire he’s only ever had for you. You reach up, fingers tangling in his curls before coming down to cup his cheeks “I wanna see you too, Matty… please.” The second you utter please, whatever it is, Mattheo will always give you. So he leans down to peck your lips, a lingering kiss, before leaning back and taking off his shirt. Now it’s your eyes roaming over his body, unashamed desire on full display as well as admiration for his trained and scarred body. His hands go down his belt, undoing it quickly and then unzipping his pants, kicking them off and leaning back over you. “That needs to go too.” You whisper with a smile and point to his black boxers, he grins back at you amusedly “someone’s impatient.” You raise a brow at him “as if you want to wait any longer?” He chuckles at that, pressing kisses from your forehead to your cheek and then finally to your lips “I wanna take my time with you tonight, Angel. Let me show you I love you… how much you mean to me.” Your lips part slightly as you look up at him, he sounds so vulnerable and genuine… you could never deny him anything, not that you wanted to anyways so you nod, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek. “I’m yours, Mattheo. Tonight, tomorrow, always.” He closes his eyes for a moment, heart beating dangerously fast and a smile graces his lips “and I’m yours, Angel. Tonight, tomorrow, always.”

With that he starts pressing open mouthed kisses down your body, taking a nipple between his lips as he reaches your breasts, making you moan as he swirls his tongue around it, sucking, licking and kissing while his hand is caressing the other bud. Your hands tangle in his unruly curls, tugging slightly as he gently bites you, not being able to resist it. He pop off your right nipple with a pop, blowing cool air on the wet bud and making goosebumps raise on your entire body. He moves to the other, giving it the same attention before moving further down to your stomach, kissing and licking whatever he can. When he gets down to your hips, he sucks a hickey right above where your panties would be.

He moves lower and lower but right past where you need him most, making your squirm slightly and he smirks. “Be patient, baby… I’ll give you what you want, just be good a little longer.” He murmur against the inside of your thighs, biting you there gently and making you yelp slightly and tug at his hair. His tongue goes over the spot he bit gently, soothing the sting and saying sorry. He litters your thighs in hickeys and bite marks until your legs are clenching and trembling from the heat that’s pooled right between your legs. “Matty please…” he chuckles slightly, looking up from between your legs “such good manners for me…” he licks a long stripe up your pussy, making you moan out as your head drops back against the pillow.

He eats you out like a man starved, his tongue reaching whatever it can. He lifts your legs over his shoulders, his arms wrapping around your hips, one hand sprawled over your stomach possessively. Moans and whimpers tumble from your lips, his name on your tongue like a prayer as he devours you whole. The only thing on his mind is your pleasure, how to make you feel good… how he wants to be the only one to ever see you or make you feel this way, driven by those thoughts the dives in with even more fervour “I can feel you clench angel… cum for me, right on my tongue like a good girl.”

Those words push you over the edge, your whole body tensing up as you clench your thighs around his head and he swears he’s in heaven. He laps up your release, making you twitch and only when he’s made sure he’s got every last drop he lifts his head, crawling back over you and licking his lips “I might just need to give you a new nickname… you taste so sweet, fuck I’d give up every meal on this planet if it meant I got to eat you for the rest of my life,” he murmurs with a smile and you look up at him, chest heaving with pants, small smile on your lips “so what will you call me?” He grins at that “I think sweetness would fit you quite well, wouldn’t it?” That tears a small giggle from your lips, making Mattheo grin wider.

After calming down a bit, you tense up again as you feel his dick prodding at your entrance “oh you didn’t think we’re done, did you?” He grins “I’d be disappointed if we were, Matty.” And with that he slowly pushes in, making sure you feel every inch of his rock hard cock as he splits you open. You gasp, clawing at his back, it was always difficult to take him but with his gentle words and soft coos it somehow seems so much more intense then all the times before.

“Shhh I’ve got you angel, I’ve got you… relax for me, can you do that? Can you be a good girl and relax for me?” He coos softly on your ear, making you want to do whatever he asks without question so you try your best to relax for him. He feels your walls unclench the slightest but and smiles, pepper soft kisses along your face and jaw once’s he’s fully inside you. “So good for me… you’re doing so good, I’m so proud of you.” He whispers against your skin and you can’t help but clench around him again, making him groan.

He lets you adjust for a couple seconds until he pulls back until only his top remains and pushed back in, making you let out a loud moan. He grins and does it again, setting a slow rhythm, each thrust hard and deep, you swore you could feel him in your stomach. He grunts above you, small hisses and pants leaving his lips and it’s the hottest things you’ve ever experienced.

He slowly picks up the pace, grabbing your hips with one hand while the other goes to your neck, squeezing lightly which oddly brings you comfort. “Matty..!” Your breathless voice rings out and Mattheo cant help but go harder, almost pounding into you before pulling out completely, a whine slipping from your lips. But before you could get any word of protest out he grabs you and turns you around, hands and knees digging into the mattress as he slips back inside on one long thrust. “I’m gonna take you like this and you’re gonna love it, okay?” He leans down, his chest pressing against your back as his one hand slips down to press against your stomach while he moves in and out of you. “F-fuck… Mattheo oh my god..!” You feel him deep inside you, so much more intensely then before and your face drops into the sheets as he pounds into you from behind.

“Fuck you’re amazing… I love you much, can you feel how deep I’m inside you? No one will ever get that deep because You. Are. Mine.” Each word is punctuated with a hard thrust, your eyes roll back and in that moment all you think about is him, how he makes you feel and how you’ll only ever be his for the rest of your life. The hand on your stomach reaches down, playing with your clit as he pounds into you impossibly faster “come with me, sweetness. Come on my cock while I come inside you.” He breathes into your ear and you all but comply, clenching around him tightly and coming for the second time that night with a loud moan of his name.

He rides out your orgasm, his thrusts growing sloppy and with a few more his body jerks and he sheaths himself deep inside you, filling you up with his hot cum as you twitch from the feeling. You fall onto the mattress and he rolls you over onto your back before collapsing on top of you, his head buried in your neck as you both try to catch your breaths.

“I love you…”

Im so sorry for being inactive guys, I’ve been a bit stressed lately. Take this as an apology and happy New years! Love all of you <3

~Princess

Taglist: @revesephemeres @ur-local-wizard

[wolfofcelestia]

oh, i didn’t really think about that. but yeah judging by what we know from the main story, sylus seems well liked by people who know him.

the mechanic he takes MC to talks about how sylus is often scapegoated, and implies sylus is a much kinder man than the impression he gives

the fact that the defected branch of onichynus created unnecessary casualties and bombed civilian areas show that some of the criminals within the organisation didn’t agree with sylus’s management style, which suggests they just didn’t like how he sort of played by a code of honour and wasn’t actually greedy for more power. like they think he’s not doing enough to “dominate” the city.

sylus’s biggest asset is mephisto—who he uses to watch over the N109 zone like a protector. he’s just sort of in the shadows watching over everyone, making sure things are going smoothly while keeping an eye on the EVER group

which reminds me, i think he watches over MC for the same reason. like ofc that’s his soulmate he’s been searching for through space and time but i think he also does it because MC’s life truly is at risk and he keeps tabs to make sure she isn’t exploited or taken as a test subject like tobias was.

we’ve only ever seen sylus kill corrupt people. so he clearly is an antihero with a moral code. he killed the EVER guy to send a message because these people are literally enslaving and abducting innocent people (including the almost extinct lemurians) and doing experiments on them to prolong their lifespans. sylus has seen firsthand what happened to the twins and i’m sure he’s seen even worse. the other guy he kills was a defected member of onichynus who was double-crossing him and was using the onichynus name to bomb civilian areas. i don’t think he killed the man because of betrayal, but rather because he was a threat to innocent lives and was absolutely shameless about it. like you said, he’s not a cop so he takes justice into his own hands. very antihero behaviour.

sylus also repeatedly has said he doesn’t like picking on the weak. in his anecdote he frees the captive beasts and returns the treasures back to their rightful owners after killing a tyrannical overlord.

you’re definitely right. he’s not only distrusting of the law, he’s been burnt by the law system. he’s been treated unfairly and he knows the real criminals are the people in power (like the story he mentioned in Lost Oasis of the seven gods that were beheaded for being capricious and exploiting their followers). every aspect of his story is so heavily connected to corruption in power, greed, and exploitation of the weak by individuals and organisations who want to “play god”. and he’s at odds with such people because these people are the kind who wiped out his entire species in a genocide, trapped him in an abyss for centuries, are directly related to the EVER group who successfully managed to prolong human life and move to philos, etc etc.

i’d love more anecdotes on sylus and his life and yes! more companions. i’m almost entirely sure that he was imprisoned in the space-time prison for going against some corrupt person in power, or he was scapegoated.

Yeah, we don't actually know the reason why he was in that top security prison huh? I wouldn't be surprised if it was Ever behind it all, either using him as a scapegoat or sentencing him harsher than normal. Even in one of the first glimpses we saw of Sylus, when he deliberately walked past the flower struggling to grow in an unnatural environment, it was clear that he isn't one to hurt or destroy anyone/anything that didn't warrant it

Even though we have his myth, we still don't know much about him in the present timeline. They really need to step up with giving us his lore before he gets overshadowed by Caleb entering the game

He was definitely keeping tabs on MC to keep her safe. We know a lot of people are after her aether core, but I also like to imagine him letting her do her own thing to see how brazen and strong she can get without him. If she had failed to become a hunter, I feel like he would step in sooner when she began investigating her past. And I feel like he would train her himself so that she could protect herself from people tracking her down and so she could come along to some of his "deals"

[princessofgotham777]

Dating Jason Todd (Part Eleven)

fanfic type: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort (ongoing)

If you liked the Titans show but wish they handled Jason’s story line differently you might like this fic!

Hey so this is in fact my first time writing fanfiction (idk what my life has come to). Sorry if it’s cringy but also I would eat this up cause I LOVE some good angsty comfort fanfiction. I won’t write smut. I don’t think I’m gonna do requests but if you have any ideas feel free to let me know. Also of course I don’t own any DC characters this is purely fanfiction. Thank you and I hope you enjoy. (I hope you like run-on sentences💀) (if you don’t like it don’t be rude just move on dude😃🧍‍♀️)

So story line, this doesn’t really take place in any specific universe but I’m gonna be pulling concepts from Titans, Arkham Knight, The Batman, Under the Red Hood, and whatever lore I remember from the CW shows cause I grew up watching those, then just my imagination of course. Reader is referred to as she/her btw.

Warnings: talking about death, suicide, depression, torture (it’s not graphic I hate gore it’s just sad), talking about intimacy (not graphic), struggling with eating, topics of grief, violence, panic attacks, PTSD, talking about struggles of being over sexualized

Part Eleven: I miss you; you

You hurried past everyone and went upstairs.

“Where was she?” Thea asks.

Dick talks in a hushed tone and says, “she was sleeping in the grass by Jason’s grave. She said she was going to Chicago alone but I got her to let me come with so I can keep an eye on her.” Everyone is speechless except for Thea.

“Right so that’s insane,” she says as she walked past Dick and heads upstairs to Jason’s room.

“Y/N?” Thea says. She walks in on you packing a bag. You’ve already changed into skinny jeans, a tank top, and Jason’s leather jacket.

“Yeah?” You ask her. She walks up to you.

“Hey listen I know you’re hurting but you can’t push us away, you can’t push me away,” she says.

“I’m not pushing you away, I just can’t be in Gotham right now,” you say.

“So you asked Dick to go with you?” She says.

“I know it looks weird trust me…but if you went with me you’d make me feel better, I don’t want to feel better. Jason’s dead and he’s never coming back and I just want to be miserable in peace and Dick will let me do that,” you say. “Also if joker or another psycho pops up Dick will protect me,” you add. Thea stays quiet for a minute. “I know it doesn’t make sense,” you say.

“No…it does. I get the whole wanting to be miserable after someone you loves dies because I know that it is miserable and painful. When you need me I’ll be there okay?” She says.

“Okay,” you say.

“And I know this is shitty of me to say but as your best friend I just have to say don’t do anything…stupid,” she says.

“I would never…” you start to say but Thea cuts you off.

“I know…I just had to say it,” she says.

“I won’t, I promise,” you say. You know she means she doesn’t want you to lean on Dick too much, it is a shitty thing to say but you know she is valid for saying it. You’re a big believer in the hard truth so you appreciate Thea’s honesty.

You put your pink Chicago hat on and head downstairs to wait for Dick. While you’re waiting for him Rachel finds you.

“Hey,” she says.

“Hi Rachel,” you say. She looks as though she wants to say something but is staying quiet. “Hey I just want you to know, these past few days I know I’ve been distant from you and it’s not that you’ve done something wrong or anything, it’s just…seeing you and talking with you reminds me of when I was a Titan and it reminds me of Jason.”

“Oh…” she says. “I was wondering but obviously I didn’t wanna push, I just haven’t talked with you much, like you said, and I just wanted to check in. I’m worried about you especially since now you’re heading to Chicago with Dick of all people,” she says.

“Why’s it weird I’m going with Dick?” You ask her trying to figure out how much she knows. To your knowledge only Jason, Bruce, and Thea know about your past with Dick.

“When I first met you guys, I asked you if anything ever happened between you and Dick and you said no, I guess you forgot I had a thing for knowing when people are lying,” she says. Your eyes go wide, Rachel knew the whole time. Every awkard look between you and Dick, every time you pulled him aside or was unusually bitter or gentle towards him; she knew about it all.

“You never said anything?” You say.

“I figured you two kept it a secret for a reason, then you told me you were falling for Jason and that was a shock but not a lie so I just left it alone. Dick doesn’t know that I know by the way,” she says.

“Does Gar or Kori know?” You ask.

“I don’t think Gar does, Kori has her suspicions, I know Donna knows though,” she says.

“Oh,” you say. “Do you still have the ability to notice lies?” You ask her.

“No unfortunately,” she says. “Why?” Before you can answer you see Dick walking towards you two.

“Ready?” He asks.

“Yep,” you say.

“I’ll bring the car around,” he says. “See you soon Rachel,”

“Bye,” Rachel says to him. “Wait so why ask about the lying thing?”

“No reason,” you say. “Just wondering.” You hug her goodbye and go get in the passenger seat of Dick’s silver Porsche. You didn’t want to tell Rachel the real reason is because you wanted to know for sure if subconsciously you felt anything for Dick. As Dick drove through the dark streets of Gotham you began to cry silently. This went on for about twenty minutes and then you started coughing.

“You okay?” He asks absentmindedly. You involuntarily start crying loudly.

“Shit…I’m sorry…sorry,” you say wiping your tears.

“Hey it’s okay,” Dick says.

“It’s not, just keep driving this is why I asked you to come with me…so I can just cry in peace,” you say.

You and Dick get to the old safe house in Chicago a couple hours later. You crash there and the next morning he finds you lying on the couch just staring at the ceiling.

“Morning,” he says as he makes coffee.

“Rachel knows by the way,” you say.

“Knows what?” He says.

“About our past,” you say.

“Oh…I always kinda figured she did,” he says.

“You didn’t think to tell me?” you say sitting up.

“She never actually said anything to me,” he says.

“Oh and Donna knows too?” You say.

“Okay Donna I did tell,” he says.

“Course you fucking did,” you say.

“Hey you and Donna used to be close,” he says.

“Yeah well that was a long time ago,” you say.

“It wasn’t but you keep telling yourself that,” he says.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You say angrily.

“Nothing,” he says as he sips his coffee.

“What do you mean?” You repeat.

He sighs, “when you and Jason left Gar, Rachel, Kori and Donna were honestly pissed you stopped coming around as much,” he says.

“Do you think I wanted to leave, I helped you make that team,” you say.

“Then why did you…no one made you follow Jason like a lost dog,” he says. You freeze in shock of how harsh he was being.

You smirk and say, “you sound like your old self Dick.”

“Yeah well that tends to happen when I’m around you,” he says.

“I didn’t follow Jason, I left because of how they treated him, because of how you treated him,” you say.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“That’s not good enough,” you say. “Meet me in fifteen minutes, we’re going to that o little shop by the park.”

“Where you got your hat?” He asks.

“That’s the one,” you say.

You and Dick walk through the streets of Chicago. You can’t help but have flashbacks to the beginning of your time as a titan. It was in this city you finally discovered Jason was the second Robin. You and Rachel’s friendship started here. Your and Dick’s friendship ended here when your meaningless romance finally crashed and burned. These streets held so many moments from the past; the most painful ones though were the ones with Jason; because you know he’s never coming back.

Dick and you sit on a park bench that overlooks a duck pond. Behind you is the shop you got your pink Chicago hat from.

“This is where I found out Jason was Robin and where Rachel and I became friends,” you say. “It’s also where Jason bought me this hat,” you say. “The four of us were on the run from those crazy cult people and he thought it would help me hide.” Dick is quiet for a minute.

“I bought you the hat,” he say plainly.

“What?” You say.

“I was the one who bought you the hat, not Jason,” he says. Your speechless. “I know you hate me now but just remember once upon a time I cared about you, and you cared about me. Once upon a time we were friends,” he says. Tears begin escaping your eyes. You don’t even know what to say. “I know you hate me now but just know I think about you all the time. I think about before everything got so fucked up between us,” he says as a tear falls from his eye.

“I could never hate you Dick,” you say softly as you reach over to him. You look deep into his eyes searching for permission to touch his face. When he doesn’t brush your hand away you gently flick the tear from his skin. You snap out of it and rub your eyes. “Come on,” you say to him. You begin crossing the street and he follows you. You two walk back to the safe house in silence. More silence follows throughout the rest of the day. You two see eachother in the kitchen every couple of hours but don’t say anything. Sometimes one of you looks as though you’re going to say something but then they just turn away. Seeing him so broken is killing you. You thought bringing Dick with you would be a good idea, that he would simply allow you to be miserable. Your plan had clearly failed; all bringing Dick did was add to your list of reasons to cry. You lay on top of the covers in one of the bedrooms. You had changed to pjs which consisted of a pair of Jason’s sweatpants which were very oversized on you, and a light blue tank top. You were about to go try to find Dick when your phone rang. To your suprise it was Gar.

“Is everything okay?” You say answering the phone.

“Yeah I just…wanted to check up on you,” Gar says awkwardly.

“I’m as good as I can be and ps you’re a bad liar,” you say.

“What do you mean?” He says.

“Checking up on me? Gar why are you really calling?” You ask.

“I had a dream…about Jason,” he says.

“Oh?” You say.

“In the dream, he was just a regular guy, not Robin, and him and I were friends still and we were just at a record shop talking normally,” he says.

“That doesn’t sound bad?” You say confused.

“Exactly it just made me think what his life could’ve been like if he were never Robin, if he never worked with Batman and joined the titans,” Gar says.

“I’ve thought about that too,” you say.

“You have?” He says.

“Course, he always said being Robin was the best thing that ever happened to him,” you say.

“Until he met you,” Gar says. You smile for a moment but then a look of sadness returns to your face.

“Listen it’s pretty late I hate to hang up but just know you’re completely valid for wondering what could’ve happened,” you say.

“Don’t worry about it, thank you. I hope you can get some sleep,” he says.

“You too, bye Gar,” you say as you hang up.

You head into the kitchen and find Dick writing in a journal. He looks up at you for a moment then back down at his writing. You debate saying something but instead you walk past him to the stairs to the roof. It takes him a moment to register where you’re going but once he did he quickly goes after you.

In the stairwell he says, “please tell me your not gonna try to jump.”

“I’m not planning on it,” you say as you open the door to the roof. You and him stand there in your pajamas on the roof surrounded in the darkness of night. “I just needed some fresh air,” you say.

“You’ve got something against opening windows?” He says jokingly. You don’t laugh you simply look at him with sadness.

“What the hell happened to us,” you say.

Dick is quick to respond, “you and Jason clearly-“ he begins to say before you cut him off.

“No I mean what happened to you and i,” you say.

“Y/N,” Dick says.

“No just let me…just let me say this,” you say. “I’m sorry.”

“Y/N, you don’t need to apologize,” he says interrupting you.

“Dick for once in your life can you just let me talk without being interrupted please,” you say. “I’m sorry I treat you so horribly.” He looks visibly confused. “I know I snap at you and hold things against you and I know I expect too much of you and I’m sorry. You accepted me for who I am and saved my life. You allowed me into your world and…and,” you begin to cry. “I just miss our friendship. I never wanted you romantically. I know I said I did but that was only because that’s how I thought you saw me. I was just so used to guys only seeing my body and not my soul that that’s how I thought you saw me, and I didn’t want to lose you so I pretended to have feelings for you.” Dick looks utterly speechless. “I’m so sorry;” you cry.

“I’m sorry too,” he says. “I’m sorry I made you think that’s how I saw you. I only ever saw you as a friend. When you told me you had feelings I figured you also only saw me for my body. You never gave me a reason to think that but it wasn’t hard because of how people treat me,” he says. “I know what it’s like to be seen as a piece of flesh and I need you to know I never thought of you that way,” he says. You continue crying. “I’m sorry our issues got in the way of us being friends.”

“Would you ever consider trying to go back to how things were?” You asked him.

“That’s all I’ve wanted,” he says. He steps towards you and pulls you into a hug. You cry into his shoulder. You two go back inside and sit at the island in the kitchen. You grab two lemonades that are probably years old and slide one over to Dick.

“Okay so now that we’re good I have to ask something,” Dick says.

“Okay?” You say.

“It has to do with Jason, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about him,” he says.

“No it’s okay, I just want to have a normal conversation, no walking on eggshells necessary,” you say.

“Okay, so when you and Jason started dating I assume you told him stuff happened between you and I?” Dick says.

“Yeah,” you say.

“And? How’d he react?” Dick asks.

“Why do you wanna know?” You ask.

“I always wondered what Jason was like under his mask of jokes and recklessness,” Dick says.

“Jason wasn’t reckless.” You say. “Okay you gotta promise none of this stuff about Jason leaves this little roadtrip okay?” You say.

“I promise,” he says. “By the way I think it’s really sweet how you keep your and his relationship so close to your chest. You and him were always so protective over your bond and I never got to tell either of you that I admire that,” Dick says. You smile genuinely.

“Jason wasn’t reckless, anything he ever did like that he did either because he genuinely thought he was capable or because he was trying to prove himself to Bruce or to you or to the titans,” you say.

“Never to you?” He asks.

“Jason didn’t have to prove himself to me with reckless behavior, contrary to popular belief I am not attracted to chaos,” you say.

“Could’ve fooled me,” Dick says with a laugh.

“When I told Jason about you and I, I told him the truth. That the feelings were misunderstood and not communicated well. I never told him anything personal about you but I did tell him about when you saved me; he respected our past because of that,” you say.

“I had no idea, he always acted so standoffish toward me,” Dick says.

“You were his hero and you made him feel weak, like he needed to prove himself. And when he couldn’t do that he snapped at you because he never felt enough for you or Bruce,” you say.

“I know I was too harsh, I was too harsh with you too when you guys were titans,” Dick says. “Do you ever miss it? Being a titan?” Dick asks.

“Gar asked me the same thing the other night,” you say. “Me and Jason talked about it before, rejoining titans. It sounded good till we remembered how everything ended for us at the tower. I didn’t tell Gar this but Jason wakes up…” you correct yourself “he used to wake up screaming…he’d have nightmares about falling off the tower.”

“I’ve had nightmares about him falling too, I just replay him slipping out of my grasp sometimes when I can’t sleep,” Dick says. “I guess Jason and I were more alike than anyone noticed.”

“I noticed, once I found out Jason was Robin I noticed how similar you and him were,” you say.

“Okay confession,” Dick says. “When you told me you had romantic feelings for me I was so fucking scared,” he says laughing.

“Really?” You ask.

“You don’t understand like I thought I was going to throw up out of fear,” he says laughing.

“Why?” You ask laughing.

“I was scared to lose you and I didn’t feel the same way so I convinced myself I did,” he says. “What made you confess your fake romantic feelings anyway?”

“It was something you said,” you say.

“Oh?” He says.

“It was when that creep was stalking me and you made a comment about my body, I was in such a fucked up headspace I assumed you only saw my body and not really me so because I also didn’t want to lose you I acted like I wanted more than friendship,” you say.

“I’m sorry you felt that way,” he says.

“Thanks,” you say.

“No really I’m sorry, I know I already said this but you know I’ve had my fair share of being used for my body, and I’m so sorry I ever made you think that’s how I saw you,” he says.

“It wasn’t you it was just the circumstances, and I promise I never saw you like that either,” you say in a serious tone. You and Dick simply smiled at eachother just enjoying the moment. Things between you two felt right. Of course you were still miserable and full of sadness and rage because of the love of your life died in agony, but at least you revived a friendship.

“I don’t think I’ll ever fall in love again,” you say.

“Honestly that’s okay, don’t let any idiots tell you that you need to find someone else. If you do meet someone else great you deserve that but if you don’t that’s okay,” he says.

“Thanks,” you say. “There’s that no fucks given advice I so missed,” you say.

“Right, I missed giving you straightforward advice,” he says.

“I think I’m gonna head to sleep,” you say.

“Same honestly,” he says. You two get up but you freeze for a moment.

“Dick one more thing, at Arkham when we…when we found Jason’s…body. I’m sorry for snapping at you how I did,” you say.

“It’s alright, I can’t even imagine how you felt,” he pauses for a moment. “If you need someone to talk to, just remember I’m always here. No judgement, just like old times.”

“Thanks,” you say.

Hey, this part actually came out a decent length I feel like the others have been kinda short lately. I didn’t like the fact that Dick and Reader had a romance in the past and I also HATE the constant over sexualization of Nightwing so I figured I’d write some platonic angst and also touch on that cause it’s never talked about😭. Anyways if you want to see more parts please like and follow. Any positive feedback is always appreciated, it encourages me to keep writing and posting parts. I’m going to start developing the red hood plot line soon (I know Jason is supposed to be dead for a while but for the purposes of wanting to get to the point I’m probably just going to write he was dead for a few months). I hope you enjoyed the fic!

If you wanted to check out the other parts here’s a link to my Masterlist.

Masterlist

[maelstrom-of-emotions]

Ah, I’m so relieved this didn’t come off as obtuse. And yes, absolutely—SAD-ist’s animations feel like the sun of this fandom, something warm and glorious and gorgeous beyond comparison. While I do think that the pandemic definitely played a role in that hyperfocus. I mean, when the world is crumbling and death is on your door and the next, what else can you do but cling to something else, anything else?

But I think that same semi-isolation also gave the fandom its pulse, its coherence, so to speak. I’ve just never seen a community grow with such synchronicity. People were talking, there were no cubicles (or, not that I know of, besides the shipping ones; which were rare since the fandom is a grand canyon of family fics) but there was just this togetherness, all helpless people coming together to build hope. For it is the hopeless that carry it the most. Maybe time has softened the rough edges and made it all seem more golden than it really was, but even from a biased historian’s point of view, it feels monumental. It feels loved.

The thought of all these people—keeping the altars clean, offering their sacrifices, building this wonderful, self-sustaining ecosystem—it’s incredible. Even if it’s all a bit abandoned now, their work still stands. A place where we can still photosynthesize, still flop around and bask in what they created. It leaves me starstruck every time, seeing the way people take a source material they love, pour their own love into it, showing their work a gentleness that they can’t bear to show themselves and create something. Stepping stones for new fans to walk on, a path smoothed by people who loved, who cared, who tried. It’s like watching a legacy grow in real time.

This is all very dramatic, I know. But I think the DSMP is just the perfect example of it. All that passion, the effort, that love - seeing what we can do when when we care to build something bigger than ourselves.

Probably not the best place or time to say this, but I think people often make the mistake of believing it’s too late to join a fandom, as if there’s some invisible clock that’s run out. “There was an era for it, and now it’s gone” - that’s how the common saying has become. But fandoms don’t die. They’re not eras; they’re living, breathing things. Even when they feel buried, they’re just buried alive. And buried feelings never really fade. You can always come back to them, in fact, often times they force you.

Sure, it might not feel the same as it once did. Maybe the golden days are gone, but that doesn’t make it any less meaningful. What matters is that it’s still loved. Fandoms don’t have deadlines, and they don’t come with expiration dates. The love you have for them is valid whether you’re there from the start or you stumble into it years later. That door is always open. You don’t have to keep peeking from behind the curtain.

Thank you, internet stranger, because I had a lot of anxiety posting that and now there’s just dopamine.

Yknow what I'm actually tired of so many people getting mad when Tommy and other dsmp members bring up the server because "it's been 4 years get over it" when it's like.... I still think about my middle/high school minecraft servers with friends all the time and we make the same dumb inside jokes from it over a decade later, and that's WITHOUT having a massive fandom obsessed with our server and friendships and constantly being reminded of it by strangers. And that's such a normal thing to be nostalgic of fond memories with friends. And yeah absolutely some fans take it too far bringing it up too often BUT also we were all locked up during covid's peak and it was literally impossible for some people not to get parasocially attached when we spent more time watching these streamers than with our own friends/families in many cases. And I don't *want* to think about that server so much even to this day years later. I didn't want to waste literally hundreds of hours (thank twitch recaps) watching everyone's pov of block game even back then. but mental illness is a bitch, hyperfixation is a hard thing to fight, and I'm not blaming myself for being reminded of it when it was one of if not the worst period of time for our generation and the only escape we had was a dumb minecraft server we weren't actually on (though I argue the fans were absolutely "a part of" the server in a sense as a hefty chunk of the lore came from fans). And that said I know when to sit on those thoughts without saying anything in streamers chats, and I know not everyone knows how/when to do so

Idk man just let people be is the main thing i'm trying to say nostalgia is not a crime

[youcouldmakealife]

2024 Writing Wrap

Well, my goal for 2024 was 225,000 words, and I did exceed that, so I believe that is what we call a success. Never mind that my ~secret goal was 250k and that the 225k goal was just in case anything came up. And it did. So that is technically still a success! So I’m trying not to be grumbly about it.

What I’m not grumbly about at all is how, exactly, that final word count broke down by project (actual numbers below).

I don’t think the COTT and SAIT word counts could be closer than if I’d been intentionally trying to balance them. Which, I cannot stress enough, I was not. I was actually expecting a 2:1 COTT v SAIT ratio, mostly because, well, SAIT hasn’t been easy to write at times, and I was fully prepared for that to continue. But then something happened. I won’t investigate it too closely — gift horses, etc — but the floodgates finally broke, and a character that was so reluctant to speak honestly about himself and his life that it left him (and me) mute was suddenly willing to talk.

(We all know what happened. Robbie Lombardi happened.)

So, coming into this year I set myself a 13 part (approx 27.5k) goal for SAIT, and a 60k goal for COTT. They both ended up around 75k. Add in the SOTWs&Ms, which ended up around 65k combined (goal was 60k), and on all counts, I beat my individual project goals, and absolutely smashed the one for SAIT.

Considering this year I also got the TOTI paperback done and published the final installment of Between the Teeth, I think it was a pretty productive year, particularly considering I was finally diagnosed with Audhd in January, and have spent a lot of time and energy processing that, reframing a lot of things, and adjusting my work style to better accommodate my neurotype.

It's all been a big learning process, though one slightly derailed by the arrival of COVID and the…refusal to leave of COVID…and a fraught one at times, but it’s really been a relief to look at things like ‘this doesn’t work for me because my brain isn’t wired that way’ versus ‘this doesn’t work for me because I’m lazy/not trying hard enough/not living up to my ‘potential’, ad nauseum. It’s been…good. Tough, and emotional, and sometimes exhausting, but good. And I think that might be the other reason that Georgie started to speak again: how the fuck was I supposed to write him starting to move forward when I was still masking? How could I?

Meanwhile my other project was literally ‘okay, what if I worked through some of this by making my ADHD and my autism kiss? What if I did that?’ And COTT has been an absolute delight for me as a somewhat chaotic way for me to examine how these totally different beings co-exist. Throw in me shoving a ton of common romance tropes, gleefully undermining them (sometimes even intentionally! Though COTT can indeed be marked down as yet another failure in my quest to write some proper hate sex), a whole lot of ‘look, he actually gets me’ that is probably a liiiittle too close to home (and, I think, the home of most ND people), and everybody Doing Their Best (even when it fails, even when it doesn’t look like it, even when they aren’t rewarded for that), it is probably the closest thing I’ve ever written to pure Id fic, and I’m including the fucking Scouts here.

So thank you for all being very patient with me working through my ~stuff via narrative, and I’m really glad some of you (Audhd, autistic, ADHD, and otherwise) see yourselves reflected in Holden and/or James as well. Every single thing that annoys about them is probably something I do. (Uh. Off the ice. I don’t throw dirty hits. And I sadly don’t have a hockey room either.) I love them both a lot and I genuinely think my loving them, with all their faults (that are often my faults), has made my relationship with myself better, because I too am Always Doing My Best, even when it doesn’t look like it. And sometimes I forget that.

Okay, enough of the navel gazing, time for numbers!

These may seem slightly different than the word counts on, say, AO3, but at the end of each writing day I log my process. It’s always a little inflated -- some of it ends up on the cutting room floor, some of it applies to works currently still in progress, etc.

But, end of the year, here’s the breakdown*:

*rounded up/down to the nearest thousand, but that was the extent of the rounding, they're just naturally handsome numbers

Cards on the Table: 75k

Still Always in Tandem: 75k

SOTW/Ms and Extras: 82k

(Comprised of: SOTWs: 34k, SOTMs: 33k, Extras 15k)

For a combined total of 232k, squeaking in a mere 7k above my 225k goal.

But wait! There’s the misc (includes some Gritty work, last minute BTT additions, the bracket challenge, and other things that don’t fit the categories above), which adds an additional 13k.

So, in fact, it all adds up to 245k. Which is pretty damn close to 250k in my humble opinion, especially considering I spent a full quarter of 2024 sick. So I think we can call this year a success, at least on the writing front.