#I don’t know if I hate my dad.
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I don’t want to be like him, I don’t want to live in my own misery, do nothing about it.
“Should I cut my hair to not look like him? Let’s see if that makes me less like him” I’ve thought this so much and still gets me mad whenever I do so.
I love you, and I know you love me, but….that doesn’t mean you can humiliate me.
At this point, I don’t know what I feel about him, so do I hate him? Do I love him?
I dont know.
Probably deleting this late because, it feels so, so stupidly childish.
#vent post#personal vent#cw vent#ignore this shit I’m just really sad#I don’t hate my dad#let me phrase that better#I don’t know if I hate my dad.
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he did. my husband tried. he tried to warn them. he did. he said to them, “i’m not as into this as my wife is. i just like looking at cars, but she’s got all the facts and specs and everything. she’s practically a walking encyclopedia.”
and they didn’t believe him. they laughed. they shrugged it off. they shrugged me off. they were warned. and yet they still decided to try and put me to the test. they were warned. they were warned of what would happen to them. and yet they didn’t listen.
their ambition made them icarian. their folly turned my warmth from brilliant to sweltering.
their hubris led to their humiliation.
they were warned. but ambition makes men bold.
this is all just a very dramatic way of saying that grown men decided to play a game of, “oh you’re a fan? prove it” only to have their asses handed to them by their opponent.
this was the opponent btw:
#my big 3:#fangirl#fandom#formula 1#imagine getting humbled by bitch who’s 5’4 and wearing a cowboy hat purchased at build a bear#bc said bitch had gone to build a bear to make the stuffed version of leo leclerc#ya know#leo leclerc#he’s charles leclerc’s puppy#and i borrowed his cowboy hat#austin gp 2024#us gp 2024#cota 2024#i love embarrassing ppl#like#why are you trying to ‘gotcha’ me at a gosh darn f1 race#several of these grown men started yelling at the shuttle bus drivers bc they weren’t transporting tens of thousands of ppl fast enough#so i yelled at them back in defense of the drivers#only i didn’t say ‘they’re trying their best’ or something like that#i said: why are you in such a rush? you gotta get home to your dad on the mouth?#followed up by an incredibly southern:#i don’t know why y’all’re actin like you ain’t got no raisin but jesus h christ and the donkey can’t y’all just quit actin ugly?#anywho#bitches hate me for my sense of whimsy#and frankly insane amount of knowledge about formula 1 racing
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listen I know it’s kind of corny and inaccurate to act like every single person in the dc universe knows each other and is besties but it IS endlessly funny to me to follow the web of connections and see how many degrees removed from each other everyone is.
like look at the arrowfam okay. ollie and dinah are together, ollie is homoerotic best friends with hal, dinah is homoerotic best friends with babs. roy is dating dick, has a kid with jade, and is basically an adoptive father to both grant emerson and rose wilson. connor is dating kyle and is constantly followed around by eddie fyers. mia is friends with a lot of the second gen teen titans kids, had an on-again-off-again thing going on with steph for a while, and is currently dating sienna. emiko is besties with courtney and some of the other recent teen titans. sin has a small army of protective aunts from the birds of prey. the real question is how far does it go before ollie puts a cap on the number of people who are invited to family brunch on sundays
#arrowfam#LIKE. PLSSSS#can you imagine them all in one room.#roy: hey ollie can garth come to brunch this week.. he’s in town and i never get to see him and he really wants to try your pancakes#ollie: idk roy we’re already at max capacity..#roy: please dad🥺🥺🥺🥺#ollie: …..fine. someone will have to be uninvited then#mia: why? what’s one more person?#ollie: bc I have Very Strict Rules!!! If I don’t follow the invite limit then the whole town’ll show up every week!#connor what about axing kyle#connor: …dad. I am not disinviting my boyfriend and Only Guest to brunch bc of your arbritrary rules.#ollie: fine that’s fair. um…#mia: what about grant#ollie: for the last time mia we are not banning your nephew from family brunch because he allegedly#ate some of your bacon one time. it was not a big deal and you need to get over it#mia: UMM‼️‼️ it was a big deal TO ME🗣️🗣️and I don’t appreciate you INVALIDATING my emotions like this‼️‼️#ollie: uhhh emiko what about courtney. she comes over like every week will she be fine sitting this one out#emiko: I can’t believe this. how dare you deny my ONLY FRIEND IN THE WORLD an invitation to brunch. it’s like you hate me#ollie: EMI I KNOW YOU PATENTLY HAVE MORE FRIENDS. who have BEEN TO BRUNCH BEFORE.#emiko: YOU CAN’T TAKE COURTNEY FROM MEEEEEE#ollie: FINE ok.#roy: why don’t you just tell hal not to come all the way down here for brunch I mean he’s here every week anyway#ollie: bc it’s hal okay. mind your own business.#roy: fine. but we’re running out of people#connor: I mean………. what about eddie#ollie: ………….. yeah ok I’m sold. that works. meeting adjourned good job team#mia: why are you so worked up about keeping attendance low anyway#ollie: MY KITCHEN TABLE CAN ONLY FIT SO MANY SUPERHEROES MIA
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Wanted to draw Paige with fancy mourning clothes for her widow persona. That's her dad's jacket btw
Click for better quality! Anyways pls if you have not listened to @thesiltverses literally what are you doing go fix that now
[ID: digital painting of Paige Duplass from the Silt Verses walking against an abstract background. Paige is a thin white woman with dark brown hair and eyes. She wears a long black dress with a brown leather jacket over it. Her hair is covered by a black cowl which she holds in place. She looks towards the viewer sullenly.
She walks through a trail of blood, bare feet covered in it. White crocus flowers sprout up from the ground around her path. End ID]
#the silt verses#tsv#paige duplass#the silt verses paige#blood#thinking constantly about the complicated relationship she must have with her dad in season 3#she loves him she wants to hate him she hates that she hates that he did that for her etc etc#nothing like a dad jacket to compound all those feelings#i like the idea of paige wearing a wedding ring (hayward's idea)#where did she get it as a fugitive? who knows! hayward perhaps#my art#lea draws#I don’t have a fav silt verses character *draws Paige* *draws paige* *draws paige*
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not really here anymore
#twf#the walten files#the walten files fanart#twf fanart#susan woodings#twf susan#the walten files susan#twf4#the walten files 4#god#u have no clue how crazy that episode made me feel and how much it made all that Wait worth it. it was everything I’ve been killing to see#art#digital art#procreate#fanart#doodle#i wanna draw more 4 fanart but DRAINED BURNT OUT IM SICK AND BUSY UUUEJEJEGJJJHHHH I HATE DRAWBACKS SCREW EVERYTHING#also moving soon just don’t know what day cuz my dads friend needs to sort a bunch of stuff out#Also omg tysm for the 23 saves on my Susan playlist this is my dream as a Susan fan I feel so great I’m also super happy that many thought#of me when watching twf 4#yipeee
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no matter HOW BAD 911blr gets always remember,,, 911twt is far worse
#because you’ll never fuckin guess what happened#APPARENTLY IM THE MASTERMIND BEHIND BUDDIE HATE. ME. LMAO M E.#i am HOWLING#all because i blocked people in february for harassing me about my race#i’m a very white passing native woman whose mother and brother is not white passing in the slightest#and apparently that means it’s fair game to debate my race. did yall know that? DID YOU?#nvm the fact that my dads family has debated blood relation to us for over FORTY YEARS because of#how dark my mom and brother are#but hey#so called queer progressives on twitter have decided they’re the victims for receiving a block from me#after they debated my race for weeks & wrote hate comments on my fics and spread rumors#oh and also we can’t forget cam housewifebuck being fed info from twitter and laughing about my downfall#because being bullied for your race is okay in their book if they don’t like you! :)#anyway. i love this place.#amanda talks
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i told my dad i was anti-capitalist and he did the ‘yet you participate in society. curious!’ meme in real time !!!
#straight up said yet you go to work for a check#actually DAD i go to work because i need fucking health care and to i don’t know not starve to death?? like what#i know he hates my instagram stories constantly shitting on capitalism lmfao#anyways lol i got some pics coming for y’all later probably
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@margo-mania ya boy razzle, and a special guest….
(Dude you ate when you created razzle’s backstory, actually insane, 10/10 in terms of themes and motifs and implications, so so good)
#I DID A FUCKING PAINTING LETS GO!!!!!!!!!#HOORAY!!!!!!!#I did this in a day I’m so happy#I also cleaned my entire room I feel so accomplished#I adore my grizabella design not to be conceited but wowee pretty lady moment#such a pain to watercolor though. I forgive#RAZZLE ILY#the backstory the fucking BACKSTORY!!!!!!#it’s SO good I LOVE past lives and reincarnation and overcoming who you once were hhhnnnghhh it’s insane im insane you’re insane#SO FUCKING COOL!!!!!!!#I’m also fucking around with acrylic paint but that isn’t cats related (1000 points and a drawing of ur choice if you can guess what it is)#cilly you don’t get to guess you already know 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶#ily bestie#WHEEEEEE HOORAY!!!!!#also my dad agreed to watch 1998 cats on dvd with me tonight HOORAY!!!!!!!#I wonder what he’ll think of Skimble (he hates him but maybe he’ll be won over)#YAY ART!!!!!!#cats the musical#cats musical#cats oc#jellicle oc#oc: razzle#not my oc#grizabella#Jesus Christ that doesn’t even look like a word anymore#grizabella the glamour cat#glamour is spelled with a u hooray!!!#sorah’s silly scribbles
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really fucking grinds my gears how my dad knows just how to make me feel fucking guilty for putting up boundaries and saying no
#not even for a major thing!#barely setting a boundary even! just saying i don’t want to do smth!#asking me if i want to go for dinner one evening when he knows i work late most days and have said this for years - in fact said this exact#thing to him last week - so when i say no bc i finish late he just pushes and pushes#until im like this doesn’t work for me AND i hate eating out i dont want to go. just go with my brother that’s fine. and he’s suddenly#blunt as fuck in his messages leaving me on read or guilting me about the hours i work….. like get a fucking grip your over 50 bro#i try to be polite with it but he just gets in a fucking mood like please you are a Loser#i see you weekly (smth HE chose when i was a bairn) like im not making my job and life harder just bc you feel bad that you don’t see me#more often now#also i only hate eating out with him!! because it’s awkward!! i like to be in and out when i eat with friends and we’re all the same about#it bc we’re all very autistic lmaooo but with him he likes to chat and chat and chat which is fine but i don’t.. and he asks more personal#questions than when we’re just at his as if im gonna open up just bc we’re eating thai food 🙄🙄🙄🙄#like you Don’t get to know if im seeing anyone or if im queer or even if ive got fucking plans to go away with friends tbh#like deadbeat dads that try to emotionally manipulate their kids get minimal information actually !! 🤓☝️#stelle yaps#fuck sake#i knew he’d start doing this when my brother was back - he’s always played us off each other and he always gravitates towards whichever is#the ‘easiest’ child at the time which is my brother ever since i became an adult lmao#i just don’t tolerate his shit and i let him know it whereas e will play along#me and my dad are too similar in that we both know how to really cut deep in the other :/#it just all sucks#please please feel free to ignore#i just need to vent like hell bc he winds me up a treat so bad
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I’m gonna be out most of the day bc I’ll be helping my dad with a big shopping trip plus being out after, so I’m going to be super duper exhausted
I don’t do well in crowded or loud places in the slightest, I get woozy and tired and I feel miserable or like I’m gonna pass out, and if the shopping isn’t gonna make me wanna cry, the outing after will bc it’s gonna be packed with lots of noise and people
I don’t say this because I want to complain, I just wanna give a super quick warning that I might not be active tomorrow as well as today bc when I get exhausted, my mental health tends to decline as well ;-;
so- a bit of a warning that I may poof a bit (sorry! 😣)
#But yeah :)#hopefully I’ll be able to sleep it off tonight but since school is tomorrow might end up still tired and stressed (ᵕ—ᴗ—)#lol I’m trying not to complain or make a stink about it whilst still being informative—#Edit: uh so I don’t know what’s wrong with me this morning#But it’s already starting to go to crap unfortunately#Hgnhh I wanna talk but I keep telling myself it’s selfish to talk about how I feel#Idk I’m just messed up man#Feel like crap#eating earlier didn’t help it just made me feel worse#I don’t wanna go shopping or to the outing :(#But my dad said he needs help#And I don’t think I have a choice for the outing#And school tmrw :(#I don’t wanna do this I really font#I think I’m breaking down#Yeah I’m breaking down#<- that’s dramatic I’m sorry#Edit 2: if I trigger myself so badly that I have a really quick and strong breakdown will that make me fine for the rest of the day#Bc omg I have things I need to do! I can’t mope around and be dramatic all day!#I hate this! I don’t want it! Literally any other day would have been doable!#I can’t just ask my dad to stay home from the outing either because then that would entail me explaining why I don’t wanna go and I’d cry-#-in front of him and I don’t wanna cry in front of people#I hate this so much#i wish I could just poof into nonexistence#🌾#<- atp it’s a vent#Edit 3: I’m trying really hard ace but petting my dog isn’t working
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Quirkless college AU where Keigo is your annoying teachers assistant for one of your majors classes. He never seems to give you that A you deserve, and is hellbent on going back and forth with you about every little thing. About every little grade, every little answer you submit, every little note he likes to leave on the corners of your papers. He mocks your handwriting with his own chicken scratch, even writes a ‘wtf are you trying to say???? is that supposed to say RHETORIC?????’ on one of your papers.
You wanna complain about him to your professor when it comes to his attitude and nitpicking, but the prof always just tells you to take it up with the TA yourself. And that’s exactly what the golden haired man wants, and it’s so painstakingly obvious with the way he absolutely grins when you drag your feet into his ‘office hours’ (aka him sitting in the library for the same amount of time every week).
“I was wondering when you’d ask me to round your grade up.” Keigo doesn’t even greet you, just leans back in his chair as he folds his arms over his chest. His smile grows even wider when you narrow your eyes and huff at him, snatching the chair out from across him to plop down heavily.
“Give me the grade I deserve, and not the grade that drags me here to be with you.” You’re all snaps and irritation, and Keigo loves it—eats up the way your bottom lip juts and your brows furrow down and, oh, you’re so goddamn cute when you’re annoyed.
“Go on a date with me this weekend, and I’ll change it.” Keigo blurts out with a lilt of his lips, eyes squinting when you reel back with a scoff. You stare at him for a while before answering, and he can’t help but notice how shifty your hands have gotten and how it grows harder to look him in the eye now.
“I feel like that goes against policy.” You mutter, picking at your nails before glaring through your lashes. Keigo cocks his head to the side, smiling.
“Don’t tell me you’re a goody two shoes.” He teases, tilts his head in your direction, watches the gears turning in your head as you narrow your eyes at him.
“Fine. One date, and you give me extra credit on the last paper.” You bargain with him, glaring at his hand when he holds it out for you to shake. You pause before you take it, frowning when Keigo grins wider and leans across the table.
“Looks like you’ve got yourself a deal there, birdie.”
And after that, it becomes routine for you both. Keigo enters the most foul grade he can until you show up at his dorm room furious and seething, all so he can pull you in to his space and kiss your puffy cheeks while you enter your own grade in the system. He’s a bit of a jackass, but you think it’s all worth it, especially when he shows you the expansive winged tattoo on his back and the quickest and most efficient way to do eyeliner. He’s good for something, you guess.
#I wrote this two nights ago and forgot about it#but I think I wanna make a college au series lmfao#I say that every time I get a collective idea and can’t stick it to one character#but I’ve already written about RA sleaze bag touya#why not TA Keigo???#okay I don’t know anymore college jobs AKSHDKDJDJDFJ#wait maybe creepy tutor shiggy……….#okay idk Leave me ALONE#also wish me luck on my astronomy quiz today#I’m dreading it so bad and wanna cry#I might get h*gh before I take it so the results won’t fuck with me too bad lmfao#omg I’m watching American dad and they killed off one character bc of a goofball to the head#why tf did they put him in the casket with the golf ball STILL IN HIS HEAD?-$:!:&;!;$#I hate this show omfg SO STUPID#okay I’m done sorry#now I have to make a masterlist for this mf#—new treat in the streets! 🍫#hawks treats! 🍬#—queue’ve got a new treat in stock! 🍰
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#now that my dog isnt here living at home is truly TRULY torture and I feel like its getting worse every day#I feel for my mom I do. I know she hates living with my dad too#but she doesnt understand that the way shes acting is making it even WORSE for me because I now have to deal with both of their shitty#fucking attitudes and passive aggressiveness and fighting and I cant fucking do it I cant#I always felt bad for wanting to leave because I didnt want to leave my dog#but now I shouldnt feel bad#but I will. because I don’t want to leave my mom.#(and I cant really afford to live on my own but I could probably make it work if I wanted)#I need to save a bit more. then I’m gone#I cant do it anymore#and now that its winter …. its going to be 100000x worse#idk if I can do it ahfkdajkfchka
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spent wayyyyy too long doomscrolling reddit(the same website where people act like you are literally going to drop dead immediately if you move to los angeles without a car and $100,000 in your bank account) threads about the current job market in los angeles and it’s uhhhhh not encouraging. but i also didn’t drop dead immediately when i moved to los angeles without a car or $100,000 the first time. so who can never really know
#just fired off another application which makes 3 today which is either ‘on track’ or setting myself up for failure depending on which google#search result from ‘how many job applications per week’ you choose to believe#i hate when they ask for an address because i don’t knowwwww what to put#i could lie and say my old one but i don’t want to be accused of ~presenting false information~#i could say my dad’s address but then they’d toss my application immediately due to it being on the wrong side of the country#so i’ve just been putting my airbnb which TECHNICALLY isn’t a lie but it’s not the whole truth and nothing but the truth either#i’m hoping in the year 2024 these places are not gonna be sending snail mail with my name on it to my airbnb host after i’m gone#if i get hired somewhere i’ll try to get a PO box. but i’m not spending $100 for six months for the smallest one#until i Know it’d be worth it.
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JoJo Siwa doesn’t deserve all the hate (and homophobia) she’s getting for her style and music; but she does deserve scrutiny for defending Colleen Ballinger and being both active and complicit in abuse that happened on her TV show. Like the girl has been under the public eye in unhealthy environments all her life; cut her some slack — not too much; she’s still a responsible adult — but if you’re going to dogpile her, then at least dogpile her for the right reasons. Jesus Fucking Christ.
#jojo siwa#discourse#Her comment sections are VILE#I actually don’t hate her songs. They’re basically early-2000s new old stock and I like early 2000s music#Is she trying too hard to look like an “adult?” Yes. But that’s understandable.#What isn’t understandable is screaming at children for no fucking reason#and JoJo not helping at all when a girl was hemorrhaging out her belly button#when JoJo’s mother told the girl to “put a pad on it”#I don’t care how afraid you are of your parents; you END that shit the second you see it#I was raised in a cult and I actively sabotaged my parents’ preaching work on multiple occasions#I didn’t know if I’d get kicked out if they found out I did that; the only reason I still have a relationship with them#is because they never found out about my later sabotage#Dad preached to a waitress dangling a cure for her sons’ disorder in front of her nose as incentive to join and gave her literature#So I went to the restaurant with him and insisted I pay for the tip.#I gave her eight dollars and a sticky note with a bunch of keywords about the cult’s abuses to look up#The next time I went there#she said didn’t understand the sticky note and asked me while he was gone what I meant#I hate talking to people especially when I’m under pressure because I trip over my words even when I’m NOT anxious#But her kids’ lives being free of a cult meant more to me than avoiding a momentary discomfort so I gave a quick rundown#She thanked me and heeded my warning basically playing along with me and not saying anything to my dad about it#I was 20; JoJo was about 19 when her show was going on#She had no excuse for allowing her mom to do that.#At the very least she could have said “Oh god I’m so sorry she said that. Please don’t hurt yourself for my show; go to the hospital.”#But no. She didn’t do that. In fact she screamed at children and joked that if they were crying then it was a good show.#Bitch come here and do that in front of me. I double dog dare you. I may only be 5’5” but I fight dirty and I’m angrier than you#Sorry. I guess I do hate her… for THAT specifically.#Like yeah I’ve fucked up with the kids I help and yelled when I didn’t have to but I HATED doing it and tried to do better later#Why someone would SCREAM at kids on purpose for long periods of time for no reason is beyond me
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you guys know when you’ve already had such a long day and that one thing happens that makes you literally spiral and you just have to lay on your bed with all the lights off and no noise
#for the record it was the glass coating on my desk randomly shattering#sounds very minor i know#but it was the last thing my mom gifted me before she died a few years ago#wow lore reveal!#don’t pity me i hate pity#anyways i’m crashing out right now#my dad said it’s fixable#if it’s not fixable i will be inconsolable#grief is weird
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At the risk of sounding petty, woke up just now to a text from my dad reminding me and two of my siblings to not forget to wish our little brother a happy birthday, but when it was my birthday I didn’t even hear from my dad and only my mom and my other brother texted me…
#mine#text post#like yes I’m gonna text my brother cause I love him and he did nothing wrong#but I also hate how my dad remembers everyone else’s birthday but mine#and will send out reminder texts if you haven’t said anything to the person whose birthday it is#I know this is like such a trivial thing but it’s just annoying#like I turned the big 3-0 this year and crickets from him#everyone else’s birthday - ‘hey don’t forget to call or text them’#okay rant over#just needed to vent
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