#I don’t judge anyone else’s art for having minor mistakes

[callthefruitsquad]

My art doesn’t need to be perfect it just needs to be

My art doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to BE

MY ART DOESNT NEED TO BE PERFECT, IT JUST NEEDS TO BE

MY ART!!!! DOES NOT NEED!!!!! TO BE PERFECT!!!!! IT JUST NEEDS!!!!!! TO BE!!!!!!!!

[vanillahub]

Things you should know before becoming a mutual

List 10 or more things you find to be essential for your blog. Essentially, highlight your rules! Let people know what they should be aware of and expected, from you! Then tag anyone you would like to learn more from!

REPOST, DON'T REBLOG!

You must be at least 18 to follow any of my blogs, minors will be blocked on sight. With that said, I'm NOT comfortable interacting with anyone below the 20+ y/o mark.

I won’t follow if: I can’t see our muses interacting / you don’t have a rules and about page for your muse / you don’t have a writing sample / you post too many things unrelated to RP

English isn’t my first language. There will be posts in my mother language. No, they won't be tagged, cope. I'm open for PT-br RPs!

I will unfollow if I see anyone vagueposting. It doesn't matter the excuse one tries to use to defend it, I'll not stand by it in any shape or form.

When I ask you (rp partners) about your boundaries and limits. PLEASE be upfront and give me an honest answer, what you refuse to write, etc. The last thing I'd like to do would be to pitch an idea, that could be triggering to you! Don’t be afraid to tell me if I end up crossing a line with anything! It most certainly was a genuine mistake.

The fandoms I refuse to interact/associate myself with: League of Legends (including any and all spin-offs, especially Arcane), MLP, Homestuck, Undertale, FNaF, Fnf, Genshin Impact, Disney, Marvel (especially the MCU), Harry Potter and any form of real person/historical/religion roleplay. This means, I'll be extra picky towards multifandom blogs that have muses, from any of the aforementioned franchises.

Tags for you to blacklist: Sexual sunday (nsfw prompts reblogged on Sundays), shipping cw (art or edits of a ship), triggering content is tagged as “___ tw/cw” (tw for picture/visual posts and cw for written things), anything borderline risqué is tagged as suggestive cw.

No fictional kins/self-inserts period. I'm not here to judge anyone, but I'm also not here to engage or indulge others in that way. Have the concept of IC =/= OOC very clear, when approaching me.

I'm VERY selective with crossovers. It's not something I'm actively looking to do, in general. Contrary to what people may think, I actually don't know a whole lot of other series, outside of the ones I'm already RPing for. I also prefer doing crossovers with series that in my eyes, mesh well with one another to a degree. My most well known series include: Star wars, pokemon, castlevania, saint seiya, Tekken and Sonic

I’ll not dumbify or tone down my muses for anyone. While I'm totally open for discussing things, I'll NOT change core elements of my portrayals, just to suit sb else's wishes.

In that regard: It's up to you to avoid muses you know, will touch on subjects that may make you uncomfortable or trigger you. Prioritize your well-being.

Is shipping wars still a thing? Yeah, we respect our ships in this house. Regardless if they are CC x CC or OC x CC or even OC x OC. My only real hard limits for ships in general are incest, minor/adult and some specific NOTPs.

[bellestalesoffiction]

Clean Love

Pairing: Eventual Mob!Steve x Reader

Warnings: Descriptions of violence, a swear here or there, minor shit talk

A/N: I wrote this in the span of two days over 6 hours. I’m not sure if I'll continue with this, but I was inspired to write for the first time in years. Please don't judge too hard. Also sorry for the shitty summary! Feedback appreciated!

Summary: She’s a city girl, an artist with a day job, because how else is she gonna pay the bills. She cleans for Tony Stark’s offices, one day she has the pleasure of cleaning up a mess made by the most feared boss in all of New York, Steve Rogers.

It was brisk, just like any normal autumn morning in New York. Steve stepped out of his town car, fixing his coat, before heading into the tall building that held the name 'Stark' in large letters high in the sky. Another meeting with his god-father about one of many deals that their organizations made. Today would be a messy one, held in the lower levels of the looming building. Someone in their lower ranks had tried to steal half a shipment of guns and ammo, they didn't get far at all. Steve's right hand man and best friend had gotten the three who tried before they even left the docks.

Two of the three men were already at the bottom of the harbor, the third was currently on the lowest floor. Most likely the traitor was bruised and beaten into cooperation, or so Steve hoped, he really didn't want to bruise his knuckles or ruin his new Armani shirt.

The few people milling about the lobby paid no attention to Steve as he strode past. He nodded at the security guard on duty before heading past the main elevators and towards a back hallway to a private lift. It was one of two elevators that reached  the lower levels, the other elevator was used by maintenance staff and regular employees to reach the underground parking (not the floors below said parking  that Steve was headed to now).

The doors to the elevator opened up after Steve input a 6-digit code, he stepped on pressing the corresponding level switch before clasping his hands in front of him. There was no music during his decent, no soothing calming or annoying music, just silence. The doors slowly parted, opening up to a metal gate, on the other side of which stood James Buchanan Barnes, "Bucky" as Steve knew him growing up. The sight of the slightly shorter dark-haired man made the mob boss grin slightly.

"So Buck, how's our friend?" Steve smirked walking alongside his right-hand.

Bucky smiles, it's almost sinister, "He's about ready to talk boss. Tony's waiting right outside for ya, wants you in the room for intimidation factor."

Steve nods, spying Tony up ahead. He gives the older man a nod, showing his respect with a hand on his chest reaching for the other man's hand. Tony smiles and returns the gesture, pulling Steve in for a quick familial hug and a pat on the back. They step apart after a moment, "You ready?" asks Tony, receiving a nod from Steve. 

The older man twists the handle and pushes the door open, the room behind it was rather large, deep and wide. A single bulb hung from an exposed wire, the only source of light in the room. The temperature was low, cold enough to make your fingers go numb and just cold enough to see your breath leave your lips. In the center, just below the exposed bulb was a chair, tied down to said chair was a man, blood running from his ear, nose and mouth, one eye swollen shut. Tony approached him slowly, circling around him, just on the edge of the light.

"Do you know why you're here, hmm?" Tony continued to circle the man, getting closer to him with each step.

"Let me tell you why," Tony stood behind him, grabbing his shoulders tightly, making the man wince. "You and your little friends tried to steal from us." Tony motioned to Steve and himself, the former staying just in the shadows.

"You tried to take 250 semi automatic weapons and sell them off, to who? And for what? You knew that if you got caught you'd end up dead... what's so important you'd risk your life? Or rather who?" Tony smacked the back of the man's head, pretending to have a moment of clarity, "Oh That's right! Your wife, Georgia... She's pregnant with your first kid right?"

The man tensed, "You wanted to get her away from all this right? Set her up somewhere you wouldn't be found?" Tony began to circle his chair again.

"You never would've been safe you know, we'd find you anywhere. We'll find her anywhere she goes." Steve smirked, Tony continued, "Who were your buyers?"

The man glanced up at Tony before he spat at him, right in his face. Tony wipes at his face, turning and nods to Steve, giving him the que to take over. Stepping forward slowly, Steve grins, making his way towards the chair. The man's eyes widen, fixed on the knife in Steve's hand. He squirms and yells out, no one moves or tries to intervene as Steve begins to slice into the man.

"Stop! Stop!! Please!" Tony doesn't listen, watches the man's face as he cries like a baby.

"He won't stop until you talk... Mr. Rogers here doesn't take too kindly to people who take his things," Steve smirks, moving to press his knife to the mans cheekbone, "... maybe after he's done we'll send your head to your lady" Tony chuckled watching the man go white as a sheet.

"Please, no, leave her out of this, I'll tell you anything!"

Steve glares at him, pressing hard with his knife, "Your buyers names, who put you up to this?"

"S Sitwell, his name's Jasper Sitwell!", that was all they needed to hear.

She hurried up the street, jacket half on and a granola bar hanging out of her mouth. Her alarm hadn't gone off, the power in her building had somehow gone out during the night causing the events leading up to now. She had overslept by a good half hour, she had skipped her shower and a real meal, having time to barley grab a snack for breakfast before running out the door 5 minutes late already.

Weaving and dodging through the crowds, she made her way down a back alley stopping at a door with a pass card sensor. She digs through her purse, grabbing her Stark Towers cleaning badge and swipes it, successfully walking into the building.

"Hey Y/N, you're wanted for a mess on level 26!", one of her coworkers calls out.

She groans, "I just walked in, I'm not even on the clock yet!"

"Yeah and the supervisor isn't happy about that. She said it's your punishment" Y/N sighs and nods punching in as she quickly scarfs down the rest of her breakfast and tosses her coat on the back of a chair. As you can probably guess by now, Y/N cleaned pretty much anything she was told to clean inside the tower. She was one of 3 cleaning ladies, besides her was Wanda Maximoff and Jessica Drew. The girls supervisor was one Felicia Hardy, who once was just a cleaning lady like the rest of them. Felicia had stabbed the trio in the back and thrown them under the bus for her mistake with their last supervisor, convincing the hiring staff that she was the most competent to take over the position. The maintenance team knows Felicia isn't meant to be where she is, the position should have been Jessica's, Felicia just knew how to brown nose better.

As they say, speak of the devil and she will appear, "Y/N, floor 26 now! Men's room on the south end had two urinals that went out of order!" Felicia snaps sauntering into the room. Besides ordering her around, the woman made her way to the coffee machine for a refill.

Y/N rolled her eyes and threw her (hair color) locks into a ponytail to keep it out of her face. She turned and made her way down the hall to the supply room bumping into Scott and Luis, the two maintenance men for the building, besides their supervisor Flash Thompson.

Luis waves and smiles, "Morning y/n, how was your weekend?"

Y/n smiled and gave him the rundown as she gathered her cleaning supplies, groceries, another failed date and a dozen texts from her ex trying to get back with her. Nothing out of the ordinary.

"Man, he just won't leave you alone," Scott huffed, annoyed for her. "Well if you need anyone to help you get the guy off your tail, let me know. I'd gladly offer my services."

Y/n smiled softly and nodded, "Thanks Scott, but I can handle it. You guys already fix the busted urinals on 26?"

Luis nods and makes a fake retching noise, "It's only Monday and already some asshole decided to-"

She cuts him off, "I don't wanna know, all I need to know is that it's fixed so I can clean the floors. You left the Out of order sign up right?"

Luis smiles sheepishly and shakes his head no. The man was good at his job, he could fix pretty much everything well enough, his only problem was that he often forgot about the cleaning crew and forgets to mark the areas that need cleaning out of order so the regular staff don't go in. She sighs, shaking her head, oh Luis. She picks up her cleaning bucket and pushes the mop bucket towards the service elevator and waits quietly.

The elevator dings and opens up, allowing her to step inside. She presses the corresponding button and waits, mind wandering to lunch and what's close and cheap. The elevator dings again and she makes her way off. The rest of her day is just as boring, cleaning more bathrooms and a few meeting rooms. Finally the day comes to an end, she heads back to the maintenance break room, only to be stopped half way by Felicia.

"Oh, Y/n, great, glad I caught you. Mr. Stark called and needed someone to do a quick wipe down outside his office. Security had to get involved and well, Mr. Stark doesn't want blood stains on the carpet," Felicia smirks at her, "Besides, it's not like you have anywhere to be tonight, or any night."

Y/n frowns softly, nodding and averting her eyes. When the young woman wasn't working she was making art, drawings, pastel illustrations and paintings even. She loved art more than anything, it was her passion growing up, helped her forget the harsh environments she lived in. Currently she was building a portfolio to submit to a few lower end galleries, hoping to spread her name and gain some recognition. Now here she was, stuck at work cleaning up after millionaires and office snobs just to pay the rent, pushing her dreams to the back burner.

Her supplies gathered once more, she heads up to the top floor, anxiously. She had never gone up that high, never had she been asked to clean anywhere near Mr. Starks office, normally that was Jessica or Felicia who took care of that. The ding snapped her out of her train of thought as she stepped out onto the floor cautiously. Giving the hall a once over she headed towards Mr. Starks office, his personal assistant should still be there if there was a mess to clean. The woman she knew only by name, her name was Natasha Romanoff. Ms. Romanoff had a particularly sharp eye for details and a 'no half ass' policy when it came to anything. Y/n had only interacted with the woman once, and that was when Felicia threw them under the bus. Now here she was, leaning against her desk tapping away at her phone.

"Good, you're here. My desk needs a total wipe down and when Mr. Stark is done he'll need some clean up on the marble in front of his desk," Natasha explained without looking up once.

Y/n nodded, "Yes Ms. Romanoff, I'll get right on that."

And she did, doing a thorough cleaning of the sides of her desk and the top, making sure not to move any of her personal items and work around the woman herself. Once she was finished with the desk and the floor in front of the desk she stood still, waiting for the ok to head into the CEO's office. Natasha finally glanced up at her, eyeing her in a very unsettling way. Almost as if the woman was peering into the very depths of her mind.

"You can go in now." Natasha nodded to the door and stood opening it for her. Three men were still standing inside, but quiet. "Gentlemen, the cleaner is here"

( @kayteewritessteve​ @katurrade​ @kaybrownies​ )

[souprights]

DIY for Transmasc Minors/Those still living with unsupportive family

For context, I'm just turned 17, still living with my parents and live in the USA. This is just my experience! It may not be the best/easiest way to go about DIYing. I'm going to do my best to make this as comprehensive as possible, and please let me know if anything if incorrect or if I should add anything.

Firstly, if you're under the age of 16, I don't recommend this at all!! DIY should be a last-ditch effort, after you've tried all else. Please seek therapy, a supportive friend group, and a good community before turning to illegal means, because, yes, purchasing and being in possession of T without a script is illegal.

What's it Gonna Cost?

For cost, you're going to need about $60 - $115 of reliable income a month. Depending on the site you use, and how many millilitres of (injectable) T you purchase, that's going to vary, but $60 is the typical minimum I can find. Don't forget shipping is going to be around $15-30.

This only includes the T!! Don't forget you're going to need needles, bandaids, and alcohol swabs if you're injecting, as well as blood tests.

What Kind of T?

Whether you use gel or injections is entirely up to you and your comfort. However, please avoid orals! Those are just gonna wreck your liver, no matter how painlessly tempting they may be.

Gels run more expensive, but with injectable, there's extra purchases/packages to be had.

Hang On, Blood Tests?

To make sure your levels are in a safe/normal range, you're going to need a blood test. If possible, look for Quest or LabCorp-esque places to get proper bloods done. I was too nervous to do that, given how closely my parents track my every move while I'm not at home, so settle for finger prick at-home tests if necessary. Unless the site advertises Discreet Packaging, I highly recommend having these sent to a friend and picking them up at school/when hanging out.

Do one before starting T, one at Month One, Two and Three, respectively. Based on your levels, adjust or figure out your dose. If everything is typical at Month Three, you don't have to test again till Month Six. After that, check at your One Year mark, then yearly thereafter.

Where/How Do I Get All This?

eroids.com is the first place I turn to when looking for places to order T. You can read reviews for each site listed, and get an average rating from people who've used the sites. If you want to go for gels, I suggest poking around Reddit and finding other people who've DIYed with gel, and asking them for their opinions and recommendations. Make an informed decision no matter what you choose, and spend PLENTY of time researching.

For needles, bandaids, and alcohol swabs I honestly just use Amazon. MAKE SURE you mark your order as a gift, or else you're probably going to run into the issue of the packaging being marked with "medical supplies." Imagine your overbearing parents seeing that and ripping open your package, and immediately assuming you're spending your days in back alleys shooting up. Not fun. Take my word, and learn from my mistake.

As for bloods, just poke around till you find a test that takes your free T and total T both, or go somewhere and have it done proper.

Now, you might try using a PO box to not worry about your family seeing any packages arriving, or having it sent to a friend with more relaxed/accepting parents. Later in the year (when I'm doing this) using the approaching gift-giving holidays to keep people out of your parcels might be plausible. Or maybe your family doesn't care. Ultimately, imagine the worst case scenario and judge what to do knowing your own situation.

Okay, But....Bitcoin

Ah, yes. Daunting, tricky Bitcoin. Majority of sites only accept Bitcoin as payment. But I swear it's not as bad or hard as it sounds. Your first issue is honestly going to be finding somewhere that doesn't require you to be 18+ to purchase it. Now, don't worry too much. For me, I got my older sister to put in all her details, and I just used my money to make purchases. You can do the same with an 18+ friend, relative, or relative of a friend's. Or, send an 18+ friend's CashApp the money necessary to make a Bitcoin purchase and transfer for you.

Now, my first order of T was only about $60, with shipping and everything, since I only bought 4ml total to begin with. If you buy a bigger vial, it's going to cost more. $60 was as much as I could spend without making my parents suspicious (they keep an eye on my bank account), so if you have a similar problem or a smaller spending threshold of concern, don't worry. Just spend your max threshold on buying Bitcoin as often as you can. The Bitcoin will be stored for you to compile and use later. Keep in mind its value may go down, so buy a bit extra if you're saving up over time.

I use an app called Edge to handle all my Bitcoin transactions. It's simple, easy, and you can use a card, a direct bank transfer, Apple Pay or Cash (if there's a Bitcoin ATM near you--no worries, there's a handy map in the app itself to lead you to the nearest one of those). I used Apple Pay, so unfortunately, I can't help with any other methods than that. You can also use CashApp, but Edge's verification went much much faster, and I was not in the mood to wait a few extra days.

There's going to be a fee, usually outlined before you select your payment type. I included that in the cost of the T above, which might be more or less.

And lastly, it's not instant. It usually takes a few hours, but if it's more than a few days, reach out to customer support.

Each site lists instructions with how to send payment once ordered. Just follow their instructions, and talk to them if you have any trouble. They're usually more than happy to help you send them money.

So I've ordered my T

Shipping times are going to vary!! Keep this in mind. If you used eroids, users typically include shipping time in their reviews. This may influence which site you pick. Domestic sites tend to have faster shipping and don't risk customs seizing your pack--if customs seizes a pack with an illegal substance, you're going to get a letter. That's pretty hard to find an excuse out of, way closer to impossible.

Typical processing times are 2-5 days, but may vary a little, depending on things that may include a lovely little pandemic. Shipping is typically 1-2 weeks for domestic sites, 3-5 weeks for international. Shipping prices tend not to vary much, however, no matter where the warehouse is.

Hiding Changes

This is going to be the tricky part. I've known some people to only go on T for three months or so, as to get some changes to reduce dysphoria, but not have family members notice. If you spend a lot of time around family, the changes are gradual and they might not notice. But keep your own safety in mind above all else. What's the worst that's going to happen if your family confronts you over your changes? How long will you be able to write off your voice as "a cold" before someone wises up? How much longer are you going to be staying with your family?

I'm out to my unsupportive family, so despite being discouraged from any transition of any sort, any and all voice changes I'm writing off as voice training. Facial hair? Minoxidil. More muscle? I've been working out. These may or may not be things you can use, so consider carefully.

Aside from your voice and facial hair, there won't be anything too difficult to hide or write off. Shave your facial hair away as soon as you get up if it develops/needs to be hidden. Consider and compile a list of excuses as to why your voice is changing in case of questions.

Hiding Supplies

This is going to depend a lot on your house and situation. Do you have animals, parents or siblings who invade your spaces and find your hidey holes? A piece of advice I read in an MtF guide to DIY is to hide something you won't get in trouble for where you plan on hiding your hormones, and see if anyone finds it over a few weeks. Repeat until somewhere safe is scouted.

I have small cardboard boxes I keep under my bed, in a cabinet I have in my room, and on my desk. Only bandaids are kept on the box on my desk. But the other places I hide things have an equal distribution of my supplies, so even if someone finds one box, I'll be able to continue HRT.

Try to keep your T much better hidden than other supplies. I'm in an arts-focused degree in college, and a very artistic person, so I've managed to write off needles and syringes as pieces to build a 3D art project for a portfolio. Try to find an excuse to use if your needles are found. Maybe the art thing works for you, maybe not.

Consider taking precautionary measures of removing/covering labels of your T if you're using an injectable kind. You might be able to get away with calling it a prop of some kind, for a TikTok video or something if it's found.

Disposing of Needles/Wrappers/Etc

Alright, so you've done your first shot of T, or applied your first gel packet. Congrats! Now, how to hide the evidence? Firstly, for gels, it won't be too difficult. Just use a plastic grocery bag and fill it with other miscellaneous rubbish and mix the wrappers in with that. Toss the tied bag in your own bin, or a neighbour's bin if that's safer. If that's not possible, do so at school.

Needles are a more tricky circumstance. If you're able to purchase and safely dispose a sharps bin, 100% do that. If you're in a place like me and that's not possible, go and buy some soda with twist-top lids, or get them from friends. Once the bottle is empty, you can toss needles into there. In my experience, 1ml syringes and the small needles used for T injections fit in these 500ml bottles no issue. I throw these sealed bottles in the bin once they're full. I know this isn't proper disposable, but I'm unable to get a sharps bin.

Never throw exposed needles into the bin, or leave them somewhere anyone or anything could possibly be exposed to them.

For T bottles, I've only ever found one site that sells it in containers smaller than 10ml. I'm not sure if the 10ml bottles would fit into the soda bottles or not, so follow the same procedure as disposing of gel wrappers. If that's not possible, use a sharp knife to cut open your soda bottle at the widest part and put the bottle in there, before using a strong adhesive tape (not scotch tape--duct tape or something similar) to seal the incision before disposing of it.

In Conclusion

I've left out a list of the changes T causes, and starting doses, because those are all easy things to find, which you probably know already. Regardless of what this small guide says, please keep your own safety in mind and do as much research as possible before moving forward with DIY, and know that I'm no kind of professional, and all this is based off my tiny bit of experience.

As of the original posting of this, I haven't yet started T. I'm going to start in about two weeks, however, and have gathered everything necessary. I may update this guide further as I take T.

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

TLDR: Republicans believe themselves to be infallible and cannot be convinced otherwise

Republicans think America is perfect and always has been, while simultaneously believing that America is DOOMED and ON THE EDGE OF COLLAPSE at all times and want to bring us back to the Before Times™ when men were men and women were household appliances and minorities were someone else’s problem.  If you bring up a genuine critique of American culture or history they throw a pissbaby shit fit and start spewing nationalist platitudes, “America: Like It or Leave It!”  All their complaints stem from their perceived self-importance being eroded; they don’t like to realize that other people with differing opinions exist and should have their voices heard.  If a “brown” or a “black” or a “red” or a “yellow” is allowed to speak, that just means there’s one less space for a “white.”  All their complaints come from a slippery slope argument that if we don’t model our society after their specific cherrypicked interpretation of The Bible then we will degenerate into amoral savagery.

They say being gay is an abomination and allowing it will damn our children to hell; what they really think is that it’s gross and they don’t want to see things they think are gross.  There’s literally no good argument against marriage equality besides “I don’t personally like it.”  America is not a theocracy, so the belief system of Christianity should not be construed as the law of the land.  This stems from their belief that the Bible is infallible, “because the Bible says so.”  They don’t know and don’t want to know about the history behind it, nor the very contentious political landscapes at the times the books were written, nor the personal biases of the very human authors.  If the Bible is a literal textbook, then why?  What makes it so special?  By whose authority were its contents collated and designated THE Good Book?  If the Bible is literal, why not the works of Homer, or the Epic of Gilgamesh?  Just because the Bible says the Bible is right doesn’t make it so.  For the record, I am a Christian, and I think the Bible is just an old book.  I’m a Christian in that I follow the teachings of Christ, which can be summed up as “DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE.”  I live by that, and All the ChrINOs (Christians in Name Only) need to learn it.  Jesus would be ashamed of what he saw today.

They say that abortion is baby murder, on par with ritual human sacrifice and Satan worship. They don’t understand biology, they have a Sunday School understanding of philosophy, and live in a world so black and white that they can’t even imagine a reason someone would have an abortion besides that they’re a terrible person; a woman who would have an abortion is unfit to be a mother in their eyes because they see abortion as equivalent to smothering a baby with a pillow because you don’t want to take care of it anymore.  “He or she is alive, he or she has a heart beat!”  Well, at this point is is just a blob of tissue, not a living person; a heart beat alone does not make something alive or dead.  Your life comes from your brain, not your heart.  If someone is alive the moment their heart starts, then they must be dead the moment is stops, so CPR is necromancy.  A person isn’t considered dead until their brain is dead, so if they wanted to argue that life begins at brain activity they would have a stronger argument, though still weak because brain activity is not personhood either.  Patients in permanent vegetative states on life support may have some brain activity, but they are effectively dead.  There is no way a judge, appointed by senators elected by the people of the United States, can prove that not only do souls exist but that they are created the second a sperm fertilizes an egg.  If “souls” exist, they aren’t so much created as built up over time as we gain new experienced and our brains develop.  What we are is electricity in a ball of meat jelly in our skulls, and that comes to being at a point after which abortions are already banned.  Conservatives also just want to control women; Roe v. Wade isn’t explicitly about the right to an abortion, it is about the right to body autonomy.  Do women have the right to control their own bodies, or do they defer that right to their fathers and husbands?  Are women people or property?  Can a man make decisions on a woman’s behalf?  “You must forgive my daughter; as a simple minded woman she’s fallen into a stupor of female hysteria.  We’ll have the family doctor bring out the smelling salts and leaches.”

They say that certain vices are crimes against God, but only when some people do it.  Divorce is a sin because marriage is sacred, except when a conservative does it, then it’s totally justified because of such and such explanation.  Tattoos are the mark of the beast, worn by degenerates and lesbians, except when a conservative does it, then it’s just art and harmless self expression.  Marijuana is a gateway drug and we need to lock away its addicts and throw away the key, unless a conservative does it, then it’s just recreational, no big deal, we don’t want to ruin the [white] boy’s future because of it.  A black person who does cocaine is a criminal, a white person who does cocaine is a public figure (you’d be surprised how many actors and politicians regularly use coke; they have to have high energy 24/7 in case there are any cameras, so they need uppers to keep themselves presentable).  This all springs from the fundamental conservative philosophy of “it’s okay when WE do it, but not when YOU do it.”  That’s the long and short of it.  The in-group is allowed to do things, but the out-group isn’t.  It’s the Us vs Them mentality taken to the logical extreme; WE are people, THEY are monsters.  WE are allowed to have faults, THEY have to stay in line and follow all the rules.  OUR lives matter, THEIR lives are lesser.  When you strip away the showy bits and get down to the core of their beliefs, everything stems from their desire to hurt anyone who isn’t them.  They want power, they want to be special, they want the Good Guys™ to always prevail over the Bad Guys™, and they want to be the ones to decide who is good and who is bad.  Their opinions are the only ones that matter, everyone else is wrong because they’re not them.  Now, it’s not like you could solve every problem by opening up your mind to new opinions; there are some issues that are indeed black and white with objectively right and wrong answers, but they live in a world where they are incapable of being wrong.  They see personal growth as a betrayal of the self, that admitting a fault is terrible, that apologizing and learning from a mistake is traitorous.  No, they have to double down on every single one of their beliefs to re-instill it in their minds.  They can never doubt themselves, because God will punish them forever if they ever have doubt.  They can’t ask questions or look at things from other perspectives because that would be an admission that their perspectives are fallible.  They are afraid of changing their minds so much that they refuse to even listen when someone explains their opinions because they don’t want to have their minds co-opted by Satan’s LIES!  If they hear something convincing, it’s all over, their entire world collapses, everything they believe is a lie, they lose, they go to hell forever, The End.

That is the dichotomy under which Republicans live their lives.  Nothing matters but what they believe.  They don’t believe what they believe for logical reasons, so no amount of logic will ever make them not believe it.  They’re making up their own rules to win.  You’re playing Rock-Paper-Scissors and they throw Nuclear Bomb, which defeats all three, so you lose.  You say that’s not fair, they say tough.  You throw Nuclear Bomb, and they say they have a bomb proof shield, so the bomb doesn’t hurt them but kills you, so you lose.  You can’t even beat them at their own game because they’ve been playing it longer, and they cry foul when you stoop to their level, suddenly saying that you need to be the bigger person, walking right up to the line of admitting that what they do is wrong but not quite getting there, simply reverting to the complaint that you shouldn’t be allowed to do it.  “I can, but YOU can’t.”  That’s why it infuriates me when nobody ever calls out a Republican for their hypocrisy.  They do something, a Democrat does that exact same thing, they cry foul, but nobody ever says “well, you didn’t have a problem when you did it,” they just try to excuse their own actions rather than demand justification for theirs.  Democrats are always on the defensive, they always look like they’re losing even when they’re winning, so the Republicans can use that to build their base and rally together for the occasional victory (Democrats won 7 of the last 8 presidential elections; the last Republican to legitimately win the presidency was George H.W. Bush in 1988).

I don’t know how you’d even begin to fight someone who is this far down the rabbit hole of self denial.

Democrats self-reflect, Republicans self-deflect.

Democrats are progressive, Republicans are regressive.

Now I’m sure there are no Republicans reading this, but if there are they’ll make themselves known and “totally refute” everything I’ve said with some paper thin argument that doesn’t stand up to scrutiny, but they don’t care because it stands up to them.  They only need to show one example of a Democrat failing to write off the entire party; they only need to show one black Republicans to deny the existence of racism; one gay Republican denies homophobia; one women denies sexism.  They are the party of tokenism.

They will point out the mote of dust in your eye and ignore the plank in their own.

Debate me, I have nothing better to do with my time, I’m a dirty libtard cuckflake soyboy beta with a case full of participation trophies and handouts paid for by other people’s tax dollars (funny, they think handouts are for degenerates, except when they get them.  Inheritance?  Privilege?  Never heard of them!)

[casualkoalafart]

Life These Days.

Disabilities are associated with weakness. The biggest disability is living in an unhealthy mindset, and getting trapped in it. Perspective(s), and the ability to control your perspective, is strength. It gives you power, rather than feed your deterioration.  Strength and success are different for everyone and do not have and specific unit of measurement, despite what society depicts. Everyone is different, and is seen different. The idea that you have to look and act a certain way that is unreachable to 99% of us is mental abuse. No matter your race or religion, we are all equal in the eyes of the natural world, although it is a sad, unnecessary, and certainly outdated fight that too many still face today within our human world. The only things that truly matter come from within, and often require some searching through trial and error. I am certainly not perfect, I have made more mistakes and bad choices in my life than I can count, and I want to learn from them. I cannot change the past, but I can change the future. My past does not define me. The person you are within your family, your friends, your workplace, your neighbourhood, and your society are all strangers to each other in one way or another. They are aware that each of them exists, but a different thought process prepares you for the presented environments.

One person’s strength is someone else’s weakness. Winning the lottery could save so many lives if put into the right places, however it could also be the death of you if you are overcome by addiction, greed, or any other toxicities. The ability to put yourself into someone else’s shoes is a mindset that many of us as humans lack, whether we like it or not. After all, how are we supposed to relate to someone who is starving if we don’t know what it is like to be truly hungry? How do we understand what an abused child sees in the world if our brains were developed in a safe and healthy environment? These are uncomfortable thoughts that often lead to the sad path of “ignorance is bliss.” For others, it may have a lasting impact of giving them their purpose in life. Like becoming a detective, a therapist, or a positive role model to whatever cause speaks to them.  

Everyone has the right to speak, but not to be heard. Some people are heard by too many and get overwhelmed, and begin a filtering process that should not exist toward their feelings and emotions. Some people are getting heard by too many and are abusing their power through brainwashing impressionable people too scared to think for themselves. Some people are getting heard by the wrong people, inevitably feeling judged and out of place in the world. Humans have great instincts, but often do not have the confidence to follow them.  Finding someone like-minded is refreshing, just as finding someone that believes in something that you do not can feel offensive and cause you to become defensive. These lessons that present themselves to us in the form of challenges make us who we are. Everyone expresses themselves differently, and that is what makes the world so beautiful. Art, music, literature, traditions, food, drink, and each unique personality makes life worth living. For those who have yet to find a way to express themselves, the opportunities to deal with their thoughts while also feeling safe and understood (despite whether the view or perspective is the same as the listener), are everything. The right to speak gives you the right to be judged, something that many find out the hard way. It can be discouraging, and that feeling of failure sticks with you more prominently than any win, especially to yourself.

Every mind is its own universe, and the energy that comes from it we feel is seen by who (or what) we call god. We strive to be heard and felt, because after all we can only truly feel our own feelings, and we want to share those feelings with others. Listening and hearing others in the way they express themselves through whichever outlet best suits them brings power, empathy, and unity. The sense of being alone in the world is a feeling that has unfortunately impacted everyone. As unique and different that we all are, we are the same in that sense. I feel my energy is felt through the earth, and I find comfort in and with those who share my perspective. I feel I am most understood and heard by animals, my family, and my best friends. I am really attracted to the energy from animals because I have yet to find my way in the world, my true outlet for my feelings and expressions, or something that I feel is my purpose. With animals not being able to communicate with language, and since I cannot always seem to put things into words for others to understand me, I feel a true connection through the brainwaves, the loving and healing energy we make and willingly give to one another, specially made for each being. I do not want my energy that I create to come from animals, because I do not want to take from them. They already willingly give so much, but we continue to take and take and take until there is ultimately nothing left.

Right now, the world is speaking to us with the undeniable statistics through every outlet and source possible. Unfortunately, we do not listen, and the next warning I fear will be fatal. Global warming,  fires, floods, plagues, are begging for us to acknowledge that we are killing our Mother Earth, and we are not listening. Hatred, inequality, and the sensation that we cannot make a difference in these challenging times is going to undoubtedly be our last fight, and we must keep fighting. With lockdown forcing all of us to reflect in this time, our biggest strength would be to come together while we are apart. Many of us feel our weakest, and as strange as it sounds, we could use that to our advantage. Turning weakness into strength is not only achievable, it is necessary. Humans are so incredible, we are inventors and have made a way to connect all of us, in the idea that by doing so, no one is alone. This creates a broader sense of loneliness, being surrounded by the internet world but still not being seen for who you are. So, we are back at the beginning again it seems. Some people go to extreme lengths to be heard or remembered. The idea of being alone is a powerful feeling that can lead to either good or evil, or in tragic (but not rare) cases, suicide. We need to understand that the rising of mental sickness is another form in which our planet is letting us know that we are literally killing ourselves. Too many are unable to deal with stress, guilt, pressure, loss, and so on. Drug addictions, accidental or purposeful overdoses, and self-harm are all fatal hand-me-down outlets to deal with man-made problems that we should never have had to deal with in the first place. These man-made problems are not made up or any less real than a hurricane. They create new emotions, ones that we are not equip to handle,  forcing our bodies to call for any response to these ever-evolving threats, and are often fatal solutions. Depression and anxiety should not be a mental illness, they are simply emotions that come with the good of life. Nobody is happy all the time, and the idea that life should always be happy is sad in itself. When there is life, there is death. Where there is good, there is bad. Where there is love, there is hate. Instead of teaching each other how to handle the yin and the yang, we prescribe drugs like opioids, while also trying to convey the image that drugs are bad and drug addicts are failures. So many poor people are brainwashed into thinking that marijuana is bad, but for some reason popping pills to manipulate your body to function is normal. Writing this makes my heart race, and I cannot describe the feeling because it is a cocktail that is mixed with emotions that do not belong together. We do not know how to deal with so many things because to put it bluntly, they are not natural and they evolve every day and are designed to break us.  

Our relationships with each other is everything, and our compassion and ability to hear others is power. Emotions, and being able to talk about and express them, is a gift and a privilege. We have been given the false connotation that feelings are weakness, that the idea of healthy options and outlets of expression for them are also weakening. Someone who takes anti-depressants to cope with feelings, drinks excessively to not have to feel, and take drugs may have the sensation that they are being stronger than someone who goes to therapy. This is backwards, and we as a society need to understand this together. Our strength of our ability to exchange knowledge is getting the best of us with the media not passing on the right messages. The government favouring the majority and purposefully challenging the minority is poisoning all of us, because we are all the same. It can give a person too much power, the corrupt idea that you are somehow better than a person who is not on social media, planting trees for a living. It will give people who do not have a platform a feeling that they cannot make a change to the world, since they are just one person. Evilness derives from this false and discouraging perspective. It will not give the right people anything, it will eventually take from them everything that matters.

There is strength in getting up in the morning, brushing your teeth, creating a healthy routine. Don’t cut yourself short. You’re doing great. It’s not supposed to be easy.

I did not filter myself writing this, and I hope I did not offend anyone who took the time to read my thoughts. We are all just trying to find our place in the world. In the perspective from our planet, no person is above or below another. Society, a man-made revolution, needs to help spread the right messages. We are all part of society. You are society.

The idea of posting this to the world gives me anxiety, however I am doing it because I know I am not the only one who feels this way, and I want anyone who can relate to this message at all to know that they are not alone. I am also posting this to let ANYONE know that if they want to talk about something, I am happy to listen and to hear them. I hope this message can inspire you to feel comfortable in your mind, your body, and to not be embarrassed or feel shame to share yourself with the world through your personally suited outlet. I would love to see your art, hear your music, read your words, or learn other forms of expression from you.

In writing this, I have escaped in a sense. I have allowed so many overwhelming thoughts and emotions to form words, and with this vulnerability comes a sense of relief that I hope everyone feels they have access to.

I am so overwhelmed and overcome with emotions all of a sudden, and then they go away as if they were just thoughts passing by in a train, just making a quick stop to drop off some passengers and pick up others on their way to an unknown destination. I wish that I could control the waves in which I feel so helpless, heavy, weak, and overcome. I wish I could pace myself. I know a quick way out would be to inebriate myself, a desire of what seems like freedom is powerful and can become uncontrollable in seconds.

I really hope I am confident enough to share this one day. My goal is to organize my thoughts and feelings into words that I can be proud to own, unapologetically.

Thank goodness for computers. I love the idea of having a beautiful mind and expressing words through pen and paper. Making my words beautiful through calligraphy and ink created with my own specific muscle movements. I have a strange admiration for penmanship. However that is not the case, as my mind is a mess with thoughts that come and go at what seems like the speed of light. I am grateful for the ability to edit my words efficiently through text. But, with the sense that I am feeding into the “everything is instant” perspective/generation of society, I am also disappointed in myself for not being able to slow down my mind enough to hand write most of what I choose to put into words to remind my future self. Or my present self.

I feel like after starting this page, I have opened a vault. One that should never have been a vault to begin with, but a welcoming and open-minded space. Instead of numbing and silencing my mind, I would like to have the strength to escape my escape, get my bearings back in a healthy way by reading other people’s escapes, appreciating their art, or listening to stories. Grounding myself back into reality. That I am actually okay. That I am just another person. A somebody, or a nobody, depending on my perspective.

I feel like I have experienced so many emotions today, that my body was overtaken by my mind because it was trapped. I can’t even remember writing some of it, which is curious. Hopefully that is where dying comes in, to release your trapped mind. Not now of course, but that is a nice and comforting thought for me, to think that in facing your worst fear you achieve real freedom.

I am glad I wrote it down, to reflect on later.

Everything written above was written on February 5th, 2021. It was snowy today. I had a lot of butterflies feeling my mind race so fast on so many deep levels. It is now 21:22, and although I still don’t quite know how I’m feeling, I feel like I have said what I needed to for the day. I also did not drink any alcohol today, which I am proud of after doing so much self-reflection. I am going to cuddle with Sammy, play games, and try to feel at peace with where I am in the world and in my mind.

Goodnight.  

[thejolteonmastertj]

Privilege & Compassion: Digging Deep Into Kirishima’s Ep68 Characterization.

Early on Kirishima mentioned in passing that his Quirk isn’t as “flashy” as he’d like it to be, and it would be harder for him to become a famous hero because of it. 

Bear in mind this is the same kid who was one of the top scorers in the entrance exam for the most prestigious school for heroism in the country... although to be fair he did also fail the midterms... but then he also passed the licensing exam.

So we know based on these background details and his increasingly pertinent insecurities he’s shared with his friends in the flashback that he’s likely suffering from a combination of imposter syndrome and genuine academic stress.

Kirishima is actually right that his Quirk puts him at a lower level of privilege within U.A.  He lives in a world that heavily judges people based on their Quirks, and, especially for those seeking a job in hero work, “flashiness” is as much of a measurement of one’s worth as versatility or power.

However, while Kirishima’s insecurities about his place within U.A. are somewhat justified, he forgets that he’s still well within that top class.

He lacks the self-awareness to fully understand how to interact with someone from an entirely different level of society.

The thing is, this particular flaw is a common one that’s so embedded into people’s psyches irl that there are many cases in media where it’s not intended to be read as a flaw at all.  Indeed, nobody corrects Kirishima on it other than the villain himself, so if this were a standalone episode the audience might have been left feeling that Kirishima is in the right and the villain is in the wrong.

This is not the case for My Hero Academia... at least, it’s not if you do some really deep reading.  Personally I quite like how the narrative isn’t up in your face about this being a flaw for Kirishima, the kid’s 14, he has plenty of room to learn about it later (and even if he doesn’t, as many adults irl don’t, there’s nothing wrong with having a flawed character).

I haven’t seen many people talk about it though, so I’m curious as to if anyone else caught on to this nuance.

Perhaps this nuance is a bit easier for manga readers to pick up on after learning the backstories of certain villains.  Even without taking that into consideration though, the backstory with Midoriya in the first few episodes also made it abundantly clear that there are people in this world who can’t make it as a hero, or that if they do, they are very lucky for it.  Midoriya not only lacked a Quirk, he also lacked guidance to train.  All Might gave him both of these things.

Then there is the clearest clue.  Let’s look at this moment in the sports festival.

It’s interesting to see the contrast between how Midoriya interacted with Shinsou vs how Kirishima interacted with the villain.  Midoriya had the self-awareness to realize there’s nothing he could think of to say that would make Shinsou feel better about his situation.  Although I must add, I think Midoriya being at a loss for words entirely is also a form of immaturity (I don’t mean that in a demeaning way, he’s hecking 14 years old, he still growing), Midoriya is at a different level in his understanding of these situations as opposed to Kirishima.

But Wait, This Get’s More Complex

Another funny detail about Kirishima is this episode is not just giving us Quirk and class politics crap for me to sink my teeth into, it’s also, quite humorously, addressing what happens when you put a high-functioning low-self-esteem kid in the same room as someone who clearly suffers from extreme anxiety.  This anime brings in an intersectionality with mental health.

New drinking game: take a shot every time Kirishima tells someone he understands them or feels the same.

“That’s called ‘being positive,’ first year” is one of my favorite quotes from the episode.

Fatgum, amusingly gives no input whatsoever to this particular exchange, he just let’s this learning experience happen.

While I think bringing Kirishima in to help Amajiki open up was Fatgum’s primary intention, and given Kirishima’s strong sense of empathy it wasn’t even a bad decision... this is also a learning experience for Kirishima.

To be fair, his comment above wasn’t even that bad, just a bit naive.  Saying you understand how someone feels can be good in certain situations, but it’s a very delicate art even for adults.  It’s an understandable mistake for a kid, especially a kid who’s never known anyone who struggled with mental illness on the same level as Amajiki... and triple-so for a kid who himself has self-esteem problems but hasn’t internalized the fact that his own experience doesn’t directly translate to everyone else.

Although Kirishima’s tact is a bit rough around the edges at first, he is making a genuine effort to help and be a good friend to Amajiki in any way he can.  He’s using his existing skills in picking up on how other characters are feeling (something I will address in another meta) and tests them to the max when he’s even able to pick up on the fact that Amajiki got upset mid-fight because he took a certain word the wrong way.

Kirishima doesn’t outright belittle Amajiki for his feelings like Fatgum does, instead, especially by the end of the episode he’s being genuinely encouraging.  Kid learns fast.

Privilege has many layers

I think it’s important and also fascinating to address these dynamics in fiction because we can see how Kirishima’s experience with Quirk discrimination is valid while also seeing a bit of the other side of things.  Something about privilege few talk about is how people near the top can be victims to it’s systemic effect in many ways too, even if it would certainly be cringe af to compare their experience directly with someone near the bottom of society.

Another thing that even fewer people talk about is what can occur at the intersection of a privileged class and non-privileged group (”intersection” is a form of “intersectionality” in this sentence).  If we consider Kirishima’s lack of a “flashy” quirk as a metaphor for someone who has a mild disability irl... then his experience is very relatable for some disabled folks who end up in a privileged position in terms of social class or authority.

One of my professors once talked about how in his younger years he made the mistake of thinking he could understand the experience of all Latino academics just because he was Latino himself.  He was not corrected on this until he went to a conference in Latin America and was called out by a another Academic from a Latin American college (sorry I don’t remember the country).  My USA-born professor finally got a bit of a wake-up call then.

Being a technical minority in a position of privilege comes with it’s own unique experience and especially a need for unique lessons for us to be able to realize our full potential as someone who can use our privilege for good.

In terms of social class and/or functionality of one’s Quirk or disability, some of us are born into this partial privilege, some of us had to work for it... usually it’s some combination of both.  For those of us who worked hard and/or feel like we worked hard for our current place it’s very easy to forget we were born into a good portion of it as well, just as Kirishima has.

My Hero Academia already tackled these themes head-on through the anime’s main character: Midoriya

In the first season and especially during the Sports Festival Season 2 arc Midoriya was shown to be far more self-aware about his position in the world than Kirishima.  If anything, Midoriya is almost too hard on himself, since the Quirk he was given isn’t without it’s own drawbacks.  In some ways we could read Midoriya and Kirishima as foils in this regard.

For Kirishima to be characterized in the way he was in recent events without much fanfare is an interesting narrative choice which allows viewers to come to their own conclusions.  Perhaps some viewers won’t pick up on it until they re-watch the anime years from now (or until they read this post lol).  Portraying societal flaws without endorsing them in this incredibly subtle and nuanced way is one of My Hero Academia’s strengths in my opinion.

Edit: Edited for clarity, punctuation and consistency but I promise I’m done with it now lol.

[rcvenkinq]

𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒆: kwon  minseok  .  streamer ,  idiot , literal  meme    𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒐: literally  anyone  &  their  grandma  𝒑𝒍𝒐𝒕:  minseok  was  handing  u  a  flyer  about  his  twitch  channel  to  gain  more  subscribers  and  he  drew  your  muse  because  he  was  bored  &  accidentally  gave  them  that  paper  that  he  had  drawn  on

                        ❝       wait ,  oh  .  no , no , no  !   don’t  look  at  that !   ❞   perhaps  minseok  should  have  double - checked  before  slipping  the  other  the  pieces  of  papers  that  he  had  doodled  on ,  and  perhaps  he  should  have  made  sure  the  advertisements  for  his  streaming  channel  was  not  covered   with   mindless  doodles .  but  mistakes  had  been  made ,  and  now  he  had  to  deal  with  the  consequences .   now ,  minseok  was  not  a  bad  artist  per  say ,  he  was  decent ,  and  he  had  his  special  style , but  his  doodles  were  mostly  lewd  &  gore  influenced  .  worst  of  all  though ,  was  that  minseok  had  doodled  them  on  the  paper  as  boredom  had  gotten  to  him , their  portrait  taking  up  almost  half  the  paper ;  their  side  profile  and  front  profile , as  well  as  minor  details  about  their  appearance  inked  down  with  delicacy .     ❝     .   .   .  that ‘ s   .   .   .   an  original  character  i  have  been  working  on   .  yeah   .   .   .  i  dropped  out  of  art  school  so  don’t  judge  me ,  or  else  i  will cry .       ❞  

[steebrogurz]

Save Me (Part 2)

Summary: Bucky comes to your rescue during a fight with your boyfriend.

Characters: Bucky, Steve, Sam (eventually), minor characters

word count: 2734

Warnings: a touch of angst, fluff

I don’t know how much time has passed when I wake up in a bed covered by a thin blanket, but judging by the orange light streaming through the window I'm assuming at least a few hours. I slowly move my legs and try to sit up flinching at the dull throb in my abdomen. “Ow.” I bring my hand to my stomach and squeeze my eyes shut against the pain.

“Hey, take it easy sweetheart,” a voice sounds at my side and I jump flinching again. “The nurse said you might feel some pain for the next couple hours.”

I look over to see Bucky sitting in a chair beside me. “You stayed,” I look around and note that none of the other beds in the room have chairs which leads me to assume he brought his own chair, from the waiting room most likely, to sit by my side. I wonder what he told them to allow him in here.

A kind smile spreads across his face. “Of course. I told you, I'm not going anywhere.” 

My eyes start to water for probably the fourth time today, probably from the hormones.  Before I can say anything else the doctor comes around and checks my chart. 

"Alright Y/N, everything went well. You will feel cramping for the next couple of hours and possibly a few days after. That's all normal. Here is a prescription for antibiotics, I want you to take these twice a day with food to avoid infection." He hands me a slip of paper. 

I nod along as he talks about other possible side effects and tells me I can go. I heave a deep sigh of relief when the doctor leaves and I slowly sit up in the bed. 

Bucky watches me as I move leaning forward ready to jump in to help if I need it but giving me the space to do things on my own first. "How are you feeling?" He holds his hand out to me to help me to my feet. 

I bring my hand to my abdomen again and frown. "Empty," I look up at him. "Is that weird? Like, I don't physically feel any different but I'm very aware that I’m not pregnant anymore." I feel a pang of sadness when I think of that fact and for a second I start to worry if I made a mistake getting the abortion, but then the bruise left by Alex catches my eye and I'm reminded of I would have to deal with if I hadn't done this. I let my hand drop and move to pick up my clothes that are sitting at the end of the bed and pull the curtain closed to change. "I'm hungry too," I say when I open the curtain and with the thought that I haven't eaten anything today.

"Wanna get a slice of pizza?" He looks at me with such genuine hopefulness that I can only stare at him in shock for a second. 

"Uh, y-yeah. Sure." My brain stutters back to life again and I barely catch the smile that spreads across his face before he hides it behind his hand. 

"Great. I know a really good place close by," he smiles again, not bothering to hide it this time and picks up the chair. "I should bring this back." 

I'm reminded of the fact that he probably wasn't allowed in here. He follows behind me as I slowly make my way back towards the waiting room. When we get back outside I'm relieved to see that the crowd from before has dissipated a little, but Bucky still angles himself between me and the crowd and rests a protective arm around my shoulders. 

I lean into his side as we walk until we're around the corner and I can't help but feel a little disappointed when he lets his arm drop and takes a step away to give me some space. "It's this way," he beckons me forward leading us down the street towards a small pizza shop that looks warm and full of love. 

The shop is bright when we step inside and we're greeted with wide smiles and a hug for Bucky from an older man. "This little shop was mine and Steve's favourite place back in the 40's," he explains. "I knew Richard when he was just a kid playing with toys in the corner over there." 

The older man grins, "and now I run the place. It's good to see you James, what can I get for you two?"

"We'll share a large pepperoni...if that's ok with you." He adds quickly looking at me and I nod.

"Coming right up!" Richard thumps Bucky once on the back before disappearing behind the counter. We sit at a nearby table and the waitress brings out two glasses of water for us.

“This was the first place I came when I was well enough to come back,” he reminisces with a far away look on his face. “It was nice to see it still standing and it’s hardly changed.”

I take the time to look at the decor around me. The tables are covered with red and white checkered tablecloths and the walls are covered with pieces of art and photos of Italy, and soft music filters around us from the speakers spread out over the room. Out of the corner of my eye I can see that Bucky is now watching me with an amused smile on his face. I pretend not to notice...until I can’t anymore. "What?" I finally ask, as a blush that blooms on my cheeks. 

He watches me for another second before speaking. "I wanna know why you didn't recognize me at first," he cocks his head to the side. "I mean I'm not upset or anything but you recognized Steve immediately so I'm just curious." 

I shrug and look down at the napkin I’m currently ripping to shreds. "Well, I mean, there's photos of Captain America everywhere, posters, comic books, lunch boxes, my niece's bedroom walls." I chuckle at the thought of how excited she'd be if she knew I just met him. "But most of the photos we get of you are on the news, which are blurry as fuck. And I don't read tabloid magazines." 

Bucky bobs his head in understanding, a thoughtful look crosses his features. "And besides you were wearing gloves before, that arm is a dead giveaway." He had taken his gloves off when we sat down and I glance down at his hands folded in front of him. 

He laughs and my heart skips a beat at the sound. "Yeah, that's fair," he's handsome, almost too handsome, but when he laughs there's a vulnerability to him that makes him seem more alive. It reminds me that he's real and not just a fantasy my mind made up. 

Silence settles over us again but it's not the awkward silence from the clinic. This feels comfortable and natural, we're just two people enjoying each other's company. The waitress returns then with the pizza and couple plates for us. We thank her and she gives us a wide smile as she glances between the two of us. "You guys make a really cute couple by the way," when her words register I look up at her in shock.

"What? Oh, no we're not- we're not together. He's just helping me with some stuff. We only met today actually," My blush returns and I glance over at Bucky expecting to see him equally as shocked but he just sits there watching everything unfold, seemingly amused by my floundering. 

"Oh! I'm sorry, you just seem comfortable with each other, I assumed you were on a date." She gives an awkward laugh before turning to leave. Bucky leans back in his chair and crosses his arms. 

"Is the thought of dating me really that bad?" He teases and his smile grows at my reaction. 

I blanch, "Oh my God! No, I'm so sorry. I just- I panicked. Sorry." He's enjoying this, I think to myself and I scramble to think of something, anything, to move past this feeling of wanting to literally disappear off the face of the face of the earth. "Well, now that I've sufficiently embarrassed myself, thank you again for staying with me," I keep my eyes on the slice of pizza in my hand, afraid to meet his eye. 

There's a pause and I force myself to look at him, he’s leaning forward again his amused smile turned serious. "You don't have to keep thanking me," he regards me with a gentle look in his blue eyes. "I'm just doing what any good person would do." He shrugs and takes a bite of his own slice.

"I don't know about that, not many people would wait hours at a clinic for someone they don't even know, let alone at their bedside." My curiosity from earlier returns and I tilt my head. "By the way, what did you say to get them to let you in?" 

Bucky freezes mid-bite and chews slowly as if stalling. He swallows and wipes his mouth with a napkin. "I, uh, I may have told them you were my girlfriend and that I was worried about you waking up alone and didn't want you to be scared," he pauses before continuing. "I mean, it wasn't a total lie. I know what it's like to wake up in a place you don't know in pain, with no one there to help you, and I didn't want you to feel that." A dark expression crosses his face and I know he's remembering his past and everything he experienced at the hands of HYDRA. I don't know the details but I know what he went through I wouldn't wish on anyone. My heart breaks for him and without thinking I reach across and place my hand on his, hoping it's enough to comfort him like he did for me at the clinic. 

Despite my hunger from earlier I'm only able to eat one slice before my stomach begins to cramp again, so I push the rest towards Bucky which he quickly finishes off. 

We ask the waitress for the bill but she only shakes her head and tells us it's on the house. I look behind her to see Richard smiling at us behind the counter, so instead I give her a generous tip and thank both her and Richard. 

I pull out my phone and pretend to scroll through something if only to have something else to focus on other than Bucky's gorgeous smile and piercing blue eyes. "I should get going." I say reluctantly and Bucky matches my movements as I stand up and head for the door. 

*************Bucky*************

Richard winks at me as I wave goodbye and we both share a knowing smile. I like her. she possesses a quiet strength that I find amazing, and even in her simple jeans and t-shirt outfit paired with an oversized knitted sweater she's beautiful. 

When I step outside behind her I see that she's at the curb looking for a cab. The sun had set a while ago leaving the sky an inky black. I tap Y/N on the shoulder. "Let me give you a ride home." 

She begins to protest but I shake my head and raise my hand to stop her. "Come on, I'm parked back by the clinic you'll get home faster." 

She thinks about it for a second then nods. I begin to walk back the way we came and when she catches up to me she links her arm with mine causing my heart to swell. I look down at her for a second and she's smiling up at me, her eyes shine in the low light as if she held all the starlight that was missing from the sky. She looks even more beautiful. 

We walk like this the rest of the way arm in arm and I feel a pang of disappointment when reach my motorcycle knowing she'll be leaving my side soon. "This is yours?" She asks and I worry that she'll change her mind, but that worry melts away when she steps ahead of me to examine the bike with a look of awe and excitement on her face. "I've always wanted a motorcycle," then her face falls in slight disappointment. "But my parents were always worried I'd get hurt and then I never got around to getting my license when I moved out." 

I chuckle at her excitement and pull the helmet out of the small compartment at the back and hand it to her. 

She looks down at it and frowns. "What about you?" 

"I'll be fine, don't worry about me." I wink at her and get on the motorcycle. “Super soldier remember?” and she laughs.

“Oh right, how could I forget.” She swings her leg over the bike and gets herself situated on the seat behind me. She places her hands on either side of my waist but I can feel her hesitation.

I look behind me and she gives me a nervous lopsided smile. “You’re gonna need to hold on tighter than that, sweetheart.” She scoots forward and tightly wraps her arms around my waist pressing her body flush to my back. “You ready?” I ask as the motorcycle roars to life.

“Uh huh,” she nods against my back and I smile to myself before we speed off through the streets of New York with her giving me directions every once in a while. 

Within 15 minutes we’re pulling up to a small house that she tells me she’s renting. Once we’re stopped and I’ve turned off the bike she hops off the bike and laughs. “That was amazing!” she unbuckles the helmet and hands it back to me. “I definitely need get a motorcycle now.” 

The image of her riding her own motorcycle pops into my head and I smile at the thought. “I could teach you if you want.” I offer, hoping I don’t sound too eager to have a reason to see her again. Heat blooms in my chest when she turns her grin on me.

“Yeah, I’d like that.” She looks behind her at her house and heaves a sigh. “Well I better go, thank you again. For everything.” She pauses and chews on her lip as if debating something then steps forward and wraps her arms around me in a hug. Taken by surprise I tentatively wrap my arms around her, after a second we let go and she gives me one last smile before turning to walk up the steps to her house.

*************Y/N*************

I unlock my front door and step through with the biggest, stupidest grin on my face. I couldn’t believe the fight with Alex was something that had happened just this morning, but the bruise on my wrist is still very purple reminding me of the reality that today could’ve ended much worse for me if it wasn’t for Bucky stepping in.

I set down my purse on the bench sitting by the door and I take off my sweater and lay it on the bench beside my purse when a cool breeze wafts over me and a chill runs down my spine. Did I leave a window open somewhere? I wonder to myself as I walk into the living room to check. I walk up to the first set of windows to find they are tightly latched and when I look outside I can see Bucky still at the side of the road leaning against his motorcycle. I would wave to him but he’s looking at something else and that’s when I see the flash of something reflected in the window. 

My stomach drops and I slowly turn around to face the opposite wall and reach over to turn on a lamp at my side. My blood freezes in my veins and my heart stops when I see him. Alex. 

He’s sitting on my couch silently watching me, his eyes are red as if he’s been crying, his clothes are rumpled and it looks like one of his sleeves is ripped; from what I don’t know. In one hand he’s holding a half empty bottle of vodka, my vodka. And in the other: a knife. 

Tags: @doralupin01 @whatsupbucky

[emmvxnce]

i didn’t know i was a p h o e n i x                                TILL I LEARNED HOW TO S P E A K

𝖖 𝖚 𝖔 𝖙 𝖊 𝖘

"Without losing a piece of me, how do i get to heaven?  Without changing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven?  So if I’m losing a piece of me, maybe I don’t want heaven.” — Troye Sivan, Heaven

“She had a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach, like when you’re swimming and you want to put your feet down on something solid, but the water’s deeper than you think and there’s nothing there.” — Julia Gregson

“The worst thing in the world next to anarchy, is government.” — Henry Ward Beecher

“I’ve left my fingerprints somewhere. And that’s good enough.  And I am my own person. And that’s good enough.  And… I stand my ground. And that’s good enough.” — Morrissey

𝖇 𝖆 𝖘 𝖎 𝖈

NAME: Emmeline Glenys Vance NICKNAMES: Emme, Em, Vance AGE: Twenty Two BIRTHDAY: 10 September 1957 GENDER: Cis Female PRONOUNS: She/Her SEXUALITY: Homosexual ETHNICITY: English, Welsh, Chinese

𝖋 𝖆 𝖒 𝖎 𝖑 𝖞

MOTHER: Jìngyi ‘Jenny’ Vance, née Ling (44) FATHER: Raymond Thomas Vance (46) SIBLINGS: Charles Vance (23), Margaret Vance (20)

𝖕 𝖍 𝖞 𝖘 𝖎 𝖈 𝖆 𝖑 𝖆𝖙𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖇𝖚𝖙𝖊𝖘

FACE CLAIM: Chloe Bennet BUILD: Naturally slim, of average height.  Several years of training have lent an athletic edge to her body.  Solid bone structure, thin but not waiflike. HAIR: Shoulder length, thick, and wavy. Typically pulled back off her face in some way or other.  Often twisted up with her wand which backfires when she is forced to pull her wand and her hair comes falling around her face.   HAIR COLOR: Dark brown. EYE COLOR: Typically brown, nearly black when she’s upset or angry but lighter when the sun is bright or her mood is up. SKIN COLOR: Beige with warm undertones. DOMINANT HAND: Right. ANOMALIES: Broken nails from years spent biting or picking at them.  A scar on her hairline on the right side of her forehead from where she fell when she was eight and cracked her head on the coffee table in the living room.  Various minor scars from several years with the Order.   SCENT: Honey and lilac from her shampoo, a touch of something floral if she’s decided to put on perfume which is rare and reserved for the most special of occasions.   ACCENT: RP but with traces of welsh from years listening and speaking with her dad who is from Cardiff.   ALLERGIES:  Pollen and blueberries. DISORDERS: Mild anxiety triggered in the last several years by the worsening war FASHION: Leans to muggle fashion, typical late 70′s clothing.  Bell bottoms, high waisted jeans, crop tops, the occasional leather jacket, over sized men’s shirts paired with leggings.  She prefers pants to skirts as often as possible.   NERVOUS TICS:  Biting and picking at her nails, toying with any jewelry she may be wearing, usually a necklace, twirling hair at the base of her neck or from her ponytail.  In general her hands are usually fidgeting in someway, she has a hard time keeping them still. QUIRKS:  She doesn’t like silence and sometimes will hum to herself if there is no other sound just to fill the empty air, she almost always sits with her legs pulled up either under or in front of her.

𝖑 𝖎 𝖋 𝖊 𝖘 𝖙 𝖞 𝖑 𝖊

RESIDES: Plainview Point BORN: Cardiff, where her parents lived in the earliest years of their marriage before moving to a village just outside London.   RAISED: Shere, a village in Surrey, about an hour southwest of London.   PETS: Persimmon aka Persy, a ginger cat she met in an alley near St. Mungo’s who took a liking to her after she shared her turkey sandwich one day and followed her home.  

CAREER: Healer, specializing in spell inflicted damage and working on the fourth floor of St. Mungo’s. EXPERIENCE:  Member of the Potions club in her fifth through seventh years at Hogwarts.  OWLS and NEWTS in Charms, Potions, Herbology, and Defense Against the Dark Arts.  Entered the Healer training program upon graduation from Hogwarts, rotating through each floor and specialization at St. Mungo’s before choosing to specialize in spell-inflicted damage.   EMPLOYER: St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries

POLITICAL AFFILIATION: Order of the Phoenix BELIEFS: Equality, in all shapes and forms.  Being a muggleborn, a woman, the daughter of an immigrant, and a lesbian have given her a unique viewpoint into so many of the ways that society is stacked against certain people.  She does not have a strong religious or spirtual practice or belief but adds it to the list of things she believes people should be allowed to choose and practice without judgment or intercession. MISDEMEANORS: Breaking curfew, pilfering from the potion supply closet in school and a little bit from the hospital when it’s not something she can get at the apothecary FELONIES: None on the record, only in service of the Order DRUGS: Marijuana, both inhaled and ingested.  Girlfriend makes a hell of a pot brownie. SMOKES: Marijuana, yes.  Cigarettes, no. ALCOHOL: Beer mostly, the occasional whiskey when someone else is in charge of choosing it.  Never wine or cocktails.  Too sweet for her taste. DIET:  Mostly simple meals, usually with a bit of a Chinese foundation.  Rice as a staple, a lot of stir fry because it’s simply and quick and can be made in large quantities to last her for many days or to feed a multitude of people.  

LANGUAGES: English, Welsh, Mandarin

PHOBIAS: Fire, losing those she loves and being left alone.   HOBBIES:  Brewing potions, listening and collecting muggle music TRAITS: { + }: compassionate, self-assured, determined, hard working, pragmatic { - }: blunt, ineloquent, inflexible, stubborn, temperamental

𝖋 𝖆 𝖛 𝖔 𝖗 𝖎 𝖙 𝖊 𝖘

LOCATION: Her flat.  She’s turned it into a haven with couches you can sink into, nooks where she can curl up, candles and warm smells, even a fireplace she and Persy like to lie in front of until they fall asleep on the poufs she has as extra seating.   SPORTS TEAM: Chelsea Football Club, Holyhead Harpies (football first and then quidditch) GAME: Rummy, card games in general MUSIC: Muggle rock and punk - Queen, David Bowie, Blondie, The Clash MOVIES: Star Wars, The Godfather (just the first one), Superman, The Exorcist FOOD:  Chinese food but actual Chinese food like her mother makes, not what you can get in the shops.  Not that that’s bad - it’s just not her favorite.   BEVERAGE: Chocolate Milk.  Yes she knows she is a child.   COLOR: Deep gold.  

𝖒 𝖆 𝖌 𝖎 𝖈

ALUMNI HOUSE: Hufflepuff WAND (length, flexibility, wood, & core):  9 ¼ inches, ash, phoenix feather core, slightly springy.  The saying goes that ash wands are stubborn but it isn’t the arrogant or crass type of stubborn that attracts this wood.  It is drawn to a person whose beliefs are held strongly in their mind and deeply in their heart.  Combined with a core of phoenix feather and it’s slightly springy nature, Emmeline’s wand is particularly loyal and becomes finnicky in the hands of anyone other than it’s owner. AMORTENTIA:  Fresh baked pastries, cinnamon, twilight air in the summer PATRONUS:  Brown Bear - social creatures who find strength in sharing resources and who are known for their protective instincts.  Bears are also closely associated with healing in some cultures.   BOGGART:  Darkness.  The kind of darkness that envelops your senses.  Instead of becoming stronger, it dulls each sense so you cannot see but you also cannot hear or feel or smell.  You are isolated, alone, helpless.  Seconds become eternities as you seek any anchor to hold on to to pull yourself back to the world.  

𝖈 𝖍 𝖆 𝖗 𝖆 𝖈 𝖙 𝖊 𝖗

MORAL ALIGNMENT: Neutral Good MBTI: ENFJ-A (Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging, Assertive) MBTI ROLE: The Protaganist ENNEAGRAM: Type 2 ENNEAGRAM ROLE: The Helper TEMPERAMENT: Sanguine WESTERN ZODIAC: Virgo

Virgos are always paying attention to the smallest details and their deep sense of humanity makes them one of the most careful signs of the zodiac. This will lead to a strong character, but one that prefers conservative, well-organized things and a lot of practicality in their everyday life. These individuals have an organized life, and even when they let go to chaos, their goals and dreams still have strictly defined borders in their mind. Their need to serve others makes them feel good as caregivers, on a clear mission to help.

CHINESE ZODIAC: Rooster

Roosters are smart, charming, witty, honest, blunt, capable, talented, brave, and self-reliant. They are known for their ability to do astounding things with extremely limited resources. Their way is always right (in their mind, at least), and they love to debate their stance. Roosters are extremely sociable and bask in attention and praise.

PRIMAL SIGN: Corgi

Loyal, observant, and analytical, those born under the Primal Zodiac sign of the Corgi are devoted friends and family members who take on the role of caretaker with great passion. Few others are as eager to jump in and help a friend in need, and Corgis take great pride in this. More so than other signs, members of this sign like to fill a very specific role in the lives of other people, thus getting the majority of their own personal fulfillment through their service to others.

TAROT CARD: Justice

The Justice Tarot card has to do with moral sensitivity and that which gives rise to empathy, compassion, and a sense of fairness. Since the time of Solomon, this image has represented a standard for the humane and fair-minded treatment of other beings.  This card reminds us to be careful to attend to important details. It's a mistake to overlook or minimize anything where this card is concerned.

SONGS: coming soon, i suck at this

IDEOLOGIES: Doesn’t believe in wallowing or living in the past.  Mistakes get made and bad things happen and the only way to get past it all is to pick yourself up and keep on walking.

Tea over coffee.  Fight her about it.  Get yourself some black tea if you need the caffeine.  

There is exactly nothing that can’t be made better by a dance party around the flat with the music so loud that you can’t hear your own thoughts anymore.  

There is no excuse for inequality.  People are people and the only way to get through this life is to care about the people inhabiting the world around you.  Most common thought - “I don’t know how to explain to you that you should care about other people.”

[rk800isalive]

hey, if you follow me please read my rules. I don’t have them for shits and giggles. They are there for a reason!  But you know if you can’t find them for any damn reason even though I’ve posted them like so many damn places I’ll post them under read more. 

Hey there dear! Here is all you need to know about this rper/ask blog!

updated: Aug 7,2019

 About the blog:

-I’ve wrote this a few times now on the blog but I am Semi-Selective and Mutuals only. I have a lot of anxiety or rping with to many people. I do open up to more people in time. Again, I rp for fun and as a stress release I don’t want to start making rping stressful.

-If I’m following you and you follow back. How do you know it’s me?? I send geckos and danger noodles. I’m very shy when first interacting so I send geckos on anon. It’s a way for me to 1) judge your muse and how they handle things. 2) It makes me feel better as a starter to say hello.

-This blog is a nsfw/sfw blog.

-I don’t rp with minors. I’m literally over 21+ I don’t feel personally comfortable with minors interacting or rping with me. Nothing against ya, I’m just not comfy with it. Other reasons are because I rp a lot of adult/dark themes and I don’t feel comfy with minors being around that.

-I’ll pretty much rp anything except anything NSFW with minors or anything NSFW with minor muses.

-I will unfollow if I feel like pretty wiggy about your blog. By this I mean, let’s say you post a canon call. Then you make a post complaining about people liking said canon call. I mean this like you do this a lot. I’m old and I don’t care and it comes off as wiggy to me.

-I do not accept or acknowledge hate to anyone of any kind on my blog, thank you. If I see it on my blog I’m going to delete it. This means I do not condone sending or receiving hate of any kind to others or myself.

-I also will add a side note to this because I can’t believe I have to do this. If I don’t accept of acknowledge hate that also means I will not send hate. I have not and will never do such actions.

-Muse =/= Mun. This means the Mun and Muse do not always share the same feeling or would act the same way. We are two different people.

-I do not rp with blogs that do not have at least an about and/or a rules page. I feel much more comfortable seeing those. I don’t care if your blog is fancy or if you have icons. Just these two things at least is important to me.

-I write to have fun! Rping is a hobby of mine and really helps destress me. Enjoy what you do and have fun with it! Don’t worry about replying right away, I’m chill with waiting.

-I don’t own any of the icons or art you see me use unless I have stated otherwise.

-Highly Selective to OC’s. I explain why further down in my rules.

Dos and Don’ts rules:

-Don’t take control of my character please.

-Please no GodMods.

-Do not guilt trip me into responding to you. I will block you.

-Also please be aware if you reblog rp with thislovelylady/ alannasroleplaymemes, or really any of this person’s blogs I will unfollow and block you. This is non-negotiable.

-Do not follow me if you follow any blogs connected to sinsofexcalibur/ giseinohana or really any of their blogs. If you do follow or interact with said person I will unfollow and block you. Nothing against you, I really don’t want to get into why this person makes me uncomfortable just understand this is one of my rules. This too is non-negotiable

-Don’t guilt me for calling you senpai. I say it in an I think you’re cool and want to be friends. Again I’m old. I literally remember when yaoi paddles were a thing. Not that I ever had one, but man oh man, do I remember them.

-Don’t come at me with hating on ships. You can like or dislike what you want. I just don’t want to hear it.

-If I don’t answer your threads or starters either tumblr ate it or I haven’t had time to get to it.

-Feel free to remind me to reply. Life happens and I’m also just ADHD so my attention span is crap at times. Just don’t spam me about it.

-I do not start drama, I do not like getting into drama, and as such I ask you not to tag me in drama. I like living my life as drama free as possible.

-If you are a personal blog and you reblog my threads you are not apart of I will block you. It’s rude don’t do it.

-Do not reblog ooc posts outside of posts that can say you can reblog. Or are posts like followers forever. Just…. literally think about it. If it looks like you are unsure you can message me. Just use common sense.

-Do not ask me why I have not followed you yet. Like that’s some guilt trip bull. If I haven’t followed you yet, I either a) didn’t see the notification. b) Saw you followed checked out your blog and you don’t have a muse, or rule page and didn’t follow c) felt wiggy about your blog d) I just didn’t notice you followed and haven’t seen your blog yet.

-Just because I’m not following you doesn’t mean you can’t talk to me. I’m chill if you send anons.

-I always cut my posts. Please cut yours. It’s not too hard to do there are like a million tutorials showing how to do so. If you don’t trim your posts I’m most likely going to unfollow you. There really isn’t any excuse as to why you can’t trim your posts. On mobile there is a giant X you can press. This is true on desktop as well.

-Do not reblog my threads unless you are apart of them. If you do I will block you.

-I’m not an rp meme blog, if you are not a mutual please don’t reblog the memes. Reblog it from the sources.

Triggers:

-The only triggers I have is Sharks (Realistic Images or video of them) and IV Needles. I just ask that you please tag them. It’s cool if you forget it happens.  Mostly it’s the needle bit that is the worst trigger. I have other trigger they are just very rare and very hard to hit. I’ll let ya know if you ever hit them.

-If you need something tagged just let me know.

-I will tag things if you need it tagged. I’m also an idiot and forget sometimes. Just slap me with a friendly reminder message and I’ll tag it for ya. When I tag things I always forget to tag things with ‘tw’ at the end.  Example rather then writing ‘gore tw’ I write ‘gore’. Again, I do this mostly because I forget to put ‘tw’ at the end.

Shipping / writing:

-I’ll just slide this in here too. I ship chemistry, if I feel the two muses are getting along and you wanna ship them I’m down. I don’t ship with minors. If you wanna have a family bond connection with my muse, smack dat message button and hit me up. I’m down for chatting about it and plotting it out!

-I ship Connor/Hank personally but this doesn’t mean every Hank my muse meets will want to jump their bones. Again I can’t stress enough how I ship chemistry. I won’t ship with anyone right off the bat unless you talk to me ahead of time and want to plot something out.

-If your Hank only sees Connor as a son, I’m totally cool with that too. Again I do not ship anything unless you’ve messaged me before hand. I just like chemistry between muses first.

-I will ship hate pairings, crack pairings, and just because pairings.

-If you want to ship with my Connor, hit me up. Again this is normally after we’ve been rping for a while. I’m for the most part chill about shipping.

-I have my own NTP I’m chill with talking about them. I’m also over all a very chill but weenie of new peeps person. Again I’ve been around a while.

-If you have a ship you wanna try out with my Connor slap that message button and I’m more than happy to chat it out. We can come up with an idea. But again I prefer chemistry first over shipping.

-I love to plot things out. If you have an AU you would like to try out I’m totally open for it.

-If you see mistakes in my grammar and spelling I am sorry. I tend to type fast and sometimes aren’t able to catch all my mistakes. Please bare with me on that and I’ll most likely edit my posts. Or more commonly I’ll respond with like little to no sleep in me and don’t realize I messed up spelling or used the wrong words or grammar till like the next day or when I post my reply and reread it. Again I have insomnia… most days I’m up till like 3-4 am. Not even lying there. Some days I sleep for like… 14 hours. There is little to no in between.

-I can and will rp dark themes. I love rping angst or pretty much anything. That being said, just be aware of my fear of needles. I will rp sharks just because I can’t physically see them. Writing about that doesn’t bother me just anything to do with blood work just … yeah.

-I write rather large posts when I role play. Don’t feel intimidated because you don’t have to match my post size. It’s just my thing I do. I only ask that if I reply with let’s say a paragraph I wish for at least a paragraph back. This doesn’t apply if it’s a crack thread. Those are just up in the air and fun.

-If your muse is an OC, from a different fandom, or if he never met you in the game and your  beginning message/thread/starter is acting like he knows you right from the get go and he doesn’t I might not answer the ask or thread. Just because sometimes it makes me uncomfortable unless it just fits or you have messaged me ahead of time.

-I also love the idea of my Connor viewing any of the Rk series as family. If you don’t see it that way hit me up and I’m chill with it.

-If the post is long or nsfw based I put them under read more.

Just things I didn’t really know where else to put:

-I am SUPER shy online. In person I’m a loudmouth who isn’t afraid of anything. So it takes me a good long time to message people to rp.

-I am one whole weenie. If you get geckos/ danger noodles (snakes) in your anon box. -dabs- dat be me. Trying to get over being a weenie one gecko at a time. I don’t what it is I’m just very very shy online.

-I call new peeps who follow me senpais till I feel comfortable to be not nervous.

-If I follow you 99.9% I probably want to rp with you. I’m also a weenie so I’m probably intimidated to message you if you wanna thread or rp. I has the anxiety…

-I’ve been rping for 9+ years off tumblr, +6 on tumblr, and about +4 years on discord.

-I tend to update my blog a lot because I want my blog to be the best that it can be in my eyes. Your blog doesn’t have to be this detailed or fancy looking I just hold my blog to a stupid standard in my head.

-Mun is 21+ and pretty much only feels comfortable rping with 18+ muns.

-I have Major Depression, ADHD, PTSD, Anxiety, and DID. I do have a blog for my system they probably won’t interact on this blog.  Please be aware of this as there are days I just… struggle.

-I am always tired, if I’m not tired I’m hyper as fuck.

-I read the rules and about everyone’s blog I ever follow. I feel more comfortable and more likely to rp with you when I see the rules and about pages. I will read about the mun pages too. This allows me to get a peak into not only your muse but who you are.

-OCs I’m so sorry I’m a bit picky at times. If I can’t picture my muse interacting with them I sort of just… Don’t bother. It’s nothing against your oc. I promise you that. I am just a little picky after being burned a few times.

-I do not have a password system mostly because I would forget my own password. But if you are reading all this and got all the way here, thanks!!

-I’m just here to have fun. I want to rp as a way to help my own stress of life. If you like my Connor, great! Thank you for liking him! If you don’t, cool, you don’t have to. I like all sorts of ships. I don’t really care about gender mostly because I myself am pan but I just don’t care. If two characters mingle well and feelings start to arise I’m more likely to ship it. You don’t have to like the ship. It’s cool.

-I am 28. I’ve been rping for a stupid ass long time. I’ve seen shit in fandoms come and go. I don’t care about drama, I don’t want your drama, I’m just here to have some fun. Cool. That’s gonna come off as mean… Sorry.

-I have the right to follow and unfollow who I wish. I also have the right to rp with whom I wish and whom I don’t wish. ( Though if I am already following you, I’m 100% willing to rp with you.)

-It takes me a while to respond to things. Again I want to make this clear, I have a lot of mental illnesses that just make me struggle most of the time. I deal with heavy insomnia. Sometimes I’m lightning fast with threads other times it takes me a bit. Or tumblr just decided to fucking yeet my god damn drafts again. In which case hit me up on dms like if I haven’t gotten to the thread after like two weeks. Most likely tumblr fucking ate it.

If you finished reading and you would like to know more about the Mun and the muse here you are!

The mun just click here. My muse click here.

[perylinsus]

Rant

Rant Contents-

Perming hair

Dyeing hair

Cutting hair

Getting piercings

Body weight

Tattoos

CONTAINS ENOUGH HATE AND UN-NEEDED CRITICISM TO LAST MILLIONS OF LIFE TIMES.

Okay, so this rant is gonna be weird as fuck, since it's about my hair and some piercings, but listen as I start talking about my hair. It's weird. It's straight somedays, curly on others, wavy on the others, and a combination of all three, though most of the time it's straight. It's also very, very, very thick and oily. Now, being in the end of my 3rd quarter of 8th grade, I keep telling people at school that I plan on getting a perm over the summer, since everyone is counting the days till then. But when I say perm, I mean tight-curls perm. Not even curls, more along the lines of coils. But everytime. Every. Single. Time. I say anything about getting a perm to someone with wavy/curly hair, they complain about how hard it is and how it'll be so much harder for me since; I'm not used to curly hair, my hair is too thick and/or my hair is super oily. All I want to do is turn and just fucking snap.

The only fucking reason my hair is straight and oily is because of the lice treatments I had to go through. I had those assholes all up on my head for 5 years straight. When I was a kid, I had to straighten my fucking hair everyday just to get it to cooperate. When I was a kid, I was fucking mistaken for a different race. My hair has always been thick, it was always silky and soft and it was in tight ass curls up until I was 5 or 6. I've experienced curly hair my entire life cause my step sister adopted triplet girls with hair that was on the verge of being kinky, but was still considered curly. I do their hair every fucking morning to this damn day. I have since they were adopted at 3 years old and that was 8 years ago. I was in my first year of having lice (I took precautions to make sure they didn't get lice. Luckily, it worked cause they never did).

I wanna fucking snap when people say to not get my hair permed into tight curls cause I won't be able to take care of them. I take care of curly hair every damn morning, 4 AM sharp, listening to babies cry when I only get 2 hours of sleep cause of my damn homework. Everything's good. I cope now, I will always fucking cope.

Two more factors make the complaining worse. Before I perm my hair, I'm getting it colored. Again, more complaining. Things like, "You'll damage your hair!" Or "Why would you color your hair, it's already so pretty." I might be doing two different colors, they might be bright and because of that, I have to bleach and color my hair. Don't get pissed because I don't wanna have basic brunette bitch hair like you (that's aimed at one person, not all brunettes. I luh u). I want to die my hair because I can. I'll perm my hair afterwards because my cousin, aunt and grandma, certified hair dressers, told me it was okay. I'm tryna live my life so back the fuck up.

Next thing, I wanna cut it, too. Before getting a perm, but after coloring it, I'm gonna try and get an undercut. More. Fucking. Complaining. "Sweetie, if you wanna color and cut your hair, you can't perm it. It'll look weird. I've tried it." Bitch. Does it look like I care about what you tried. You're pale, skinny and you have some fake ass lookin blonde hair. I am, on the other fucking hand, a delicious hunk of chubby Mexican (I'm trying to love myself more. Don't judge me). Me and you, we're completely different. I have an ass, some tits and some fat around my waist. You look like a sheet of horny construction paper (that shit feels weird...idk what y'all feel like, I swear). People may retaliate with;

"I'm not saying you'll be ugly, I'm saying curly hair and undercuts don't go well together." What if my main goal is to look ugly? To put shame to my last name (that rhymed bruh). Idgaf what you think. I'm cutting my hair, I'm coloring my hair and I'm perming this shit. I fucking live for coloring my hair, I've done it for the entirety of my middle school life. I miss having an undercut. Living in Florida with some dark ass, thick hair is hard, so the less hair, the easier my life (less shampoo and conditioner too). And my curly hair. I want that shit back. I didn't hate it then, but I also didn't love it, but. I. Want. It. Back.

So, with my hair, back tf up. Now some piercings.

My uncle does piercings for people. Yeah, total fucking pothead, but he's chill and good at his 3 steady jobs. He said, once I get old enough, he'd give me good quality piercings. Because we moved away from him, down to Florida (that was 5 years ago btw. I had ear piercings then. I also temporarily moved up to Michigan for like half a year, when he promised me), he hasn't given me my piercings yet. Over a video call, since he's overseas helping a friend move into a new house, he asked me what piercings I wanted so when he got back (I'd be halfway through my first quarter of freshman year) he could give me my piercings.

As many as I want, for no price at all. He's self employed so it's no problem, however my face/head area is all he'll do. I'm okay with it bc that's all I want. I tell him, with my bff and her bf sitting next to me. Her bf has his friend with him so he can hear me too, obviously. I say both ears and lips, possibly nose. My uncle says ok. He asks me what kind I'm considering for my ears. I say; standard lobe, upper lobe, helix and industrial. That's another ok. Then for my lips. I say; angel bites, snake bites, spider bites or shark bites. Again. Another okay. Then he asks for my nose. I say septum or nostril but the nose piercings weren't definitive. Again. That's okay.

My mom knows about this and she's okay with it. I'm my own person and what I choose to do needs to be dealt with by me. I face my mistakes, or I suffer. I choose to take some pretty bad ending risks but I learned. That's always been my lesson and it won't change. Face the consequences. My bff asks if she could get the same deal as I did. He says no but that he could lower the price significantly. She says okay, definitely happy, and her bf asks the same, getting the same response as my bff (he's cool with piercings. He had some. He just wants more). Now, my bff's bf's friend starts criticizing us, specifically me. We hate eachother so it was expected.

But this asshole. THIS ASSHOLE. Had the audacity to insult me on my choice of piercings. He's anti everything. Anti gays, anti abortion (this one is agreeable), anti Muslim, he's HORRIBLE (his personality filters into this. Believe what you want but if your personality is too evident in your opinion, DO NOT TALK TO ME. Especially if you're stuck up). I'm learning makeup atm so he goes down that road and calls me an ugly whore who deserves to die on the streets. Nice. But...same thing with the hair. I WILL DO WHATEVER I FUCKING WANT TO. IDGAF ABOUT YOUR OPINION. Don't criticize me because I want to get tons of piercings. He went down the path of racism, too, and called me a typical Hispanic bitch. Rebellious and dumb. I have nothing to say to this other than get tf out of my house. I turn to my friends and tell them if they agree with him to leave with him. They're actual friends so they stayed but he had to find his way home in the pouring rain. Don't be an ass to innocent people cause Karma's a bitch.

Anyway, I was called a hippy, spic, typical druggie, shitty person and retard (this word isn't taken lightly in my family. Don't call people that shit).

You know what, let's rant some more.

I'm a chunky motherfucker. I way well over 100 lbs but I ain't too close to 200. I'm almost 14 and I'm kinda short. Still growing, but short.

I have lots of body fat. Obese, depends on your definition of it. Fat, yes, but I can still rock some tight clothes better than anyone else. I've embraced my body fat. Yes, I'm currently researching healthy, lemme repeat, healthy ways to get rid of it, but I've embraced it and I now tell myself I'm cute whether people like it or not. It's strange since I've never done it before but it helps with depression.

Anyway, I'm chubby but I'm working on it. I need to glow up to rock my bullies' motherfucking worlds. This dude, idek who he was, comes up, calls me fat and walks away. I turn around and yell fuck you or fuck off or some shit like that. I'm making my way to class and this other kid trips me. When I hit the ground, he screams earthquake and runs.

I get up and walk my way to class like a civil person. Eventually, my mom, who works at my school, has to take me to the hospital cause I couldn't get up and leave my class at the end of the day. Why, you may ask? Well, I had;

minor whiplash

a sprained wrist

Scrapes on my knee that were so bad, they'll probably scar

My day sucked before that so it only got worse. Besides that, the whiplash is gone, my sprained wrist is healing nicely and it's just my knees that are still fucked up.

All that trouble because some bastard wanted to fuck with me cause I'm chubby. Stop being dicks everyone, unless that's your nickname.

Finally, the last topic. Tattoos. My other uncle, the twin brother of my piercings uncle, is a tattoo artist. Game addict, too, but, like, srsly, unhealthily addicted.

Anyway, if I can't do college, I have a guaranteed spot as a tattoo designer in his parlor. I'm trying to plan for college so it might not happen but, you never know. Besides that, he gave me a deal. As many tattoos as I want, for no price. All because I'm his only blood niece.

I said hell fucking yeah (I got a shoe thrown at me for it). He said as long as I designed them, he'd give me them. Okay, not too bad since I'm a 14 year old with college level art. First, though, I had to tell him what type I wanted. I said I wanted tribal, illustrative and possibly neo traditional.

I have designs for my illustrative tattoos. One for each important person in my life. My older brother, my younger brother, my mom, my grandma, my bff and my 1st dog. I was gonna try and do one for my husband/wife when and if I get married but I was warned about tattooing names of people I'm not related to on my body. Again, I might still do it. Anyway, those are for my illustrative tattoos. Then, comes my tribal tattoos.

I plan on asking my bestfriend and my mom to choose from a set of Moon Glyphs, which symbols best represent me. Whichever common ones they choose, will be hidden in a tribal tattoo on my ribcage. I also want a tribal on the top of my forearm and a tribal band around my bicep. I may just get arrows on the inside of my other forearm.

Neo traditional will probably be a worn down banner with flowers that has a saying in it. In another language, most likely, but there'll be a saying.

Anyway, I told my uncles this and my tattoo artist uncle said he was perfectly okay with it. My mom was chill with it, too, so everything was good. Until my great grandmother got ahold of the information. So many vulgarities.

Anyway, don't be a shithead when it isn't necessary. Let people learn from their own mistakes when said mistakes are revocable.

Luv ya and thanks for reading.

[badasscommanderleksa]

Book Review: The Art of Escaping

Summary:

Seventeen-year-old Mattie has a hidden obsession: escapology. Emphasis on hidden. If anyone from school finds out, she’ll be abandoned to her haters. Facing a long and lonely summer, Mattie finally seeks out Miyu, the reclusive daughter of a world-renowned escape artist. Following in Houdini’s footsteps, Miyu helps Mattie secretly transform herself into an escapologist and performance artist. When Will, a popular athlete from school, discovers Mattie’s act at an underground venue, Mattie fears her secret persona will be exposed. Instead of outing her, though, Will tells Mattie a secret not even his girlfriend knows. Through a blossoming friendship, the two must find a way to express their authentic selves. Told through the perspectives of the witty main characters, this funny and fresh debut explores the power of stage personas and secret spaces, and speaks to the uncanny ways in which friendships transform us.

Review (containing spoilers):

Short tags: Straight Female MC, Gay Male MC, two poc side characters, Coming Out, minor m/m pairing at the end

Rating: 4.5/5

[Review on Goodreads]

The description of this book first intrigued me, but when I started it, I wasn't sure if I'd really relate to and like either Mattie or Will.

But I did. I ended up enjoying this book far more than I ever anticipated. 

When I retell the story of this book out loud it sounds so weird. And the reason for that is mainly that the whole story builds on Mattie and Will connecting and then becoming friends because each of them has this huge secret that they’ve never told anyone else before:

Will is gay.

And Mattie... has an unusual hobby.

The only thing that bothered me while reading the book was the fact that it felt like those two things were put on the same level.

I mostly understood why Mattie didn’t want to show this part of herself and this thing she really cares about to the people close to her. She spends a lot of time reflecting on her fears and reasons, so it doesn’t feel like it’s just a plot point to connect those two characters. And of course it’s fully understandable to think that her parents would never allow her to continue to NEARLY DIE every day.

So the hypothetical 18-year-old escapologist-me would have probably kept that secret the same way real-me kept her sexuality to herself, too.

It still just shouldn’t sound like it’s as huge of a burden to live this double life as it was for Will to be in the closet.

BUT, and this is a big BUT:

I was really impressed that exactly this concern was later addressed in the book.

There is a moment where Will talks about how his life will look from the point he first comes out:

“I’m facing an endless line of people assuming I’m something I’m not.”

He explains to her that he will have to continue to come out again and again in every new area of his life and that he can never know if the next person he has to come out will be one that won’t be okay with him.

And Mattie, as a person who might have been afraid to be judged and called weird for what she loves but ultimately could not have known what it really means to come out, comes to understand what had bothered me the whole time before:

"I finally saw the fundamental difference between our secrets— no matter how strange people thought my hobby was, it would never threaten to knock me down the ladder of privilege."

That whole talk was done really, really well.

Also, I’ve seen on Goodreads that the author took note of critiques like this from early reviewers and worked on the story accordingly before the final publication, which is a really great thing to do. So big kudos to that.

Overall:

I found myself very invested in Mattie’s training and performances. I found myself loving the whole subject of stage personas and what they can mean to different people.

I also loved Will’s and Mattie’s friendship and thought it was really well done, no matter how weird the whole thing sounded in the beginning.

Usually I don't like when the same situation is told more than once in a book. But in this case I even liked reading their first meeting from both the MC's perspectives.

And besides Will and Mattie there are a few more very cool side characters and interesting settings.

The plot is mainly focuses on Mattie’s story, which gives the book an adventurous vibe with the training and her growing through her art and kind of connecting to her hero, instead of it being a common high school story.

Still, in the end it is Will’s story that affects both of their ‘ordinary’ lives more. While Will made mistakes and I don’t want to excuse what he did, I’m really happy everything turned out fairly well and with a positive prospects for the future for all of them.

And my boy Will got to kiss a boy, so yeeeeey!

//ARC provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.//

[raegrave]

The Rock Star and The Cosplayer

“Miss?” Said the short man working at the booth.

Marceline brought her attention back to him. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Your change.” He held out his left hand to give her the twenty-three cents he owed her.

“Oh, right.” She took the change from him, before turning her attention back to searching the crowd for the beautiful girl in the Princess Peach cosplay.

She held the plastic bag with the rolled-up Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan art she had boughten from the booth tightly in her right hand, pushing past the crowd as she searched for the cosplayer. She was more of a Princess Daisy fan but the cosplay had been so well made that she couldn’t help but want a picture with it. And the phone number of the girl wearing it would be nice too.

She finally managed to spot the blonde wig through the crowd of people. Marceline internally thanked her genetics for her height. The girl had stopped to take pictures with a small group of kids dressed as various characters from the Mario Bros franchise. She waited until the pictures were taken before walking up to the cosplayer.

“Hey,” She greeted. “could I get a picture with you?”

When the cosplayer turned to her with wide eyes that were to blue for them to be contacts, Marceline personally made it her mission to get this girl’s phone number.

“Of course.” Peach said. “Do you want to ask someone to take it or do you want to take a selfie?”

“A selfie’s fine.” Marceline said as she turned her phone on.

She held her phone up and they got close enough to fit in the frame. “Say cheese.” Marceline said before taking it. “Mind if I post this on instagram?” She asked once they had both agreed that they looked good in the picture.

“Sure, I just need you to tag me in it.” Peach said. “My username is Princess Bubblegum with an underscore between the words.”

“Cool, I’ll follow you too. My username is Marcy the Vampire Queen, no spaces.” Marceline told her as she put her phone in her back pocket. “Hey, uh, are you coming to the cosplay dance party tonight?”

“Yeah, I’ll be dressed as Utena Tenjo.” Peach told her. “What about you?”

“I’m actually the lead singer of one of the bands playing.” Marceline boasted. “We’re called Marceline and the Scream Queens, I’m Marceline.”

“My names Bonnibel.” She replied as a stressed looking mother asked if she could take a picture with her son. “I’ll see you there.” Bonnibel said before kneeling down to pose with the son dressed in a cheaply made Bowser cosplay.

Marceline couldn’t help but smile to herself, she may not have gotten Bonnibel’s number but she did get the name of her Instagram account and she knew to look for a Utena cosplayer at the party tonight. All in all she thought she had a pretty good chance with this girl.

As Marceline sang the chorus of the song into the microphone she scanned the crowd for a Utena cosplayer. It was no use, the large crowd that filled the room was too packed together to spot anyone specific and the strobe lights didn’t make it any easier.

As the last notes of the song were played by the rest of the band she yelled an adrenalized goodbye to the crowd and ran off the stage as deafening music played over the speakers while the next band set up. It was clear that Keila, Guy, and Bongo were still as hyped up as she was, pulling her out onto the dance floor before she even had a chance to sit down.

They danced along to the techno music, less dancing and more jumping up and down. None of them were very good dancers.

After awhile Marceline yelled over the music to tell Keila she was going to get some water before pushing past the hoard of cosplayers to the outskirts of the room. The outskirts weren’t much better, kissing couples,teenagers too shy to dance, and people whose cosplays looked much to delicate for this kid of party leaned against the walls. She slipped past them all, careful not to touch any of those delicate cosplays, she knew how it felt to have something she spent weeks working on to be ruined by one simple mistake.

There was a small booth by the door that was selling drinks and snacks, Marceline bought a bottle of water and a bag of chips, disappointed at the lack of alcohol before she remembered there were minors at the party. Feeling a small headache she decided to go into the hallway where the music was only a muffled pounding.

She cringed at the bright light that filled the hallway, a sharp contrast to the dark party that was illuminated by the strobe lights and the spotlights on the stage. As her eyes adjusted she leaned against the wall and instantly chugged half the water in the bottle. She rubbed her sleeve to dry the water that had dripped onto her chin as she examined her surroundings. It was mostly groups of friends laughing and eating snacks and a few more kissing couples.

She was about to dig into the bag of chips when a flash of pink caught her attention from the end of the hallway. She stared towards the source, filled with hope. Her stomach did somersaults when she realized that the pink hair belonged to a beautiful girl in a Utena Tenjo cosplay. She picked her water bottle up from the floor and held the bag of chips tightly in her hand as she made her way towards the girl.

Marceline waited until she was closer to call out Bonnibel’s name, if it turned out to be someone else she’d practically die of embarrassment. But when she was close enough to recognise the big blue eyes she didn’t hesitate to get the other girl’s attention. “Bonnibel!” She said as she waved. “Hey, did you see me perform?”

Bonnibel quickly shut off her phone when she saw Marceline walk closer. “Hi, Marceline.” She smiled brightly. “You were freaking amazing.”

Marceline ignored the blush on her cheeks as she smiled proudly. “Thanks, if you want to listen to more our albums are on youtube.”

“I’ll check them out later tonight. Sit down, you’re probably tired.” Bonnibel said as she patted the floor next to her.

Marceline took her invitation. “Yeah, the adrenaline is starting to wear off but it’s the good kind of tired.” She said before remembering something. “Might not be my business but why’d you shut your phone off so fast when you saw me? Sending nudes? Reading smutty fanfiction?” She laughed.

“Marceline! Don’t be so distasteful.” Bonnibel said as her face turned red. “I was actually looking at your instagram.”

“Oh, that’s not bad.” Marceline sighed. “Nothing to be embarrassed about. I spent some time looking at yours too.” What she didn’t say was that she went through every picture Bonnibel had posted.

“Well I was a couple months into it.” Bonnibel admitted and Marceline relax a little, so this girl like to stalk instagrams too. “You cosplay a lot too. Why so many vampires?”

“When I was a kid people called me a vampire. Once I started cosplaying I decided to embrace it, so I became the Vampire Queen. What about you? Why ‘Princess Bubblegum’?”

“My parents own a company called the Candy Kingdom. The factory workers loved me and I used to pretend they were all people made of candy while I ruled over them as their princess made of bubblegum.” Bonnibel giggled at her child-self and Marceline laughed along with her. The image of a child version of Bonnibel bossing around a group of factory workers was adorable. “Tell me about your music. What instruments do you play? What made you decide to start a band?”

“I play guitar, bass, ukulele, piano, cello, violin, and I’m currently teaching myself how to play the harp and the trumpet. I thought I should learn something that doesn’t have strings.” Marceline joked. “I met Keila, Guy, and Bongo in high school. We all went to this prestigious boarding school that rich parents sent their kids when they didn’t want to deal with them. We basically started the band as a way to rebel against our parents who only wanted us to play classical music.”

“Harsh.” Bonnibel said under her breath.

“Yeah, but it’s true. After my mom died me dad didn’t want much to do with me. I spent the summers with my Uncle Simon.” Marceline sighed. “Sorry to be a downer when we’ve only just met.”

“Nah,” Bonnibel shook her head. “everyone has emotional baggage and sometimes it’s easier to talk to people you’ve just met. It doesn’t matter if they judge you as much as it would if it was someone you’ve known for a long time.”

“Wow Bonnie, are you psychoanalyzing me right now?” She laughed.

Bonnibel shrugged. “I majored in psychology.”

“In your instagram bio it said you were an intern at a hospital.” Marceline said, tilting her head like a confused puppy.

“I quadruple majored.” Bonnibel said nonchalantly as she shrugged again, as if what she said was no big deal.

Marceline just stared at the beautiful and smart girl sitting next to her. “You quadruple majored? Jesus christ Bonnibel, I nearly failed my classes when I double majored. What did you major in?”

“Well, you already know I majored in psychology. I also majored in biochemistry, economics, and pharmacology.” Bonnibel said, counting the majors off on her fingers. “I’m starting at a medical school next year.”

“Oh my god, how are you so smart?” Marceline gaped. “I majored in creative writing and music theory.”

“Me?” Bonnibel scoffed. “You’re the one who plays eight different instruments. I took music classes in middle school but I could never understand the different notes and symbols.”

“Different talents, I guess.” Marceline scooched towards the nearest wall and leaned against it before opening her previously abandoned bag of chips. “Want one?” she asked, holding the bag out to her.

Bonnibel nodded her head and moved closer to the wall. “Thanks.” She said as she took a small handful. “Oh, here.” She said before opening her handbag and pulling out a half eaten bag of Hershey's kisses.

Marceline took a few from the bag and was unwrapping one when she got an idea. If everything went according to plan Bonnibel would think she was really cool. Marceline smiled to herself as she held the unwrapped chocolate to Bonnibel. “I’m gonna show you a trick. I need you to hold this between your lips and don’t move, okay?”

Bonnibel screwed her face up in confusion but curiosity got the better of her and she followed the instructions. Marceline was just amazed this was working, for such a smart girl Bonnibel sure didn’t know when someone was flirting with her.

A sudden surge of confidence allowed Marceline to follow through with her insane plan. “Now you need to close your eyes.” Bonnibel looked at her suspiciously but closed them anyway. Marceline leaned closer to her, her heart pounding in her chest, for a moment she almost thought about not going through with the plan, but she knew that might be even weirder, she was sure that Bonnibel now knew what was going to happen. She parted her lips before closing the gap between them. The kiss lasted for only a few moments before Marceline pulled away, taking the piece of chocolate with her. “Thanks for the kiss.” She said when Bonnibel realized the piece of chocolate was gone.

Bonnibel burst out laughing. “Oh my god, that was the dorkiest way you could’ve gotten me to kiss you.”

Marceline laughed too. “If I’m a dork then you’re a nerd.”

“Wow, what a nice thing to say to the girl you just kissed.” Bonnibel rolled her eyes but she was still smiling and she was now shifting closer to Marceline. “Although you’re not wrong. I mean, we are at a cosplay party.”

They sat in peaceful silence for a couple of minutes, listening to the muffled music of the party, when Marceline remembered to ask Bonnibel. “Oh, hey, could I get your phone number?”

“Yeah, here. “ Bonnibel said as she took her phone out of her pocket and opened her contacts. “I have myself listed as a contact, just copy that number.”

Marceline added her number into her own phone and sent a quick text to Bonnibel’s phone. When it lit up with a notification Marceline said “That’s me, you can add my name later.”

“Cool. We can make plans to meet up soon. Do you live in this state?” Bonnibel asked as she put her phone away. “It’s a pretty popular convention, I know that some people have come from across the country.”

“Yup, just a couple towns away.” Marceline nodded her head.

“Me too. It won’t be too hard to make plans, then.” Bonnibel said, just as Marceline’s phone lit up with a text.

Marceline looked at the text and sighed. “I’m sorry I need to go. That was Keila, they need me to pick up the payment for the performance. They can’t do it ‘cause I’m the one who signs all the papers.” She explained as she stood up from her spot from the floor, Bonnibel following suit.

“I’ll talk to you later.” Bonnibel said before standing on her her toes so she could Marceline a quick kiss before they said goodbye. “Bye.”

“See you.” Marceline waved before heading back to the party, basically radiating positive energy as she pushed past the crowd and back towards the stage. She had gotten gotten Bonnibel’s phone number and even after a single day of knowing Bonnibel, Marceline hoped their relationship would last.

[tryaddump]

TheKojiIsHere

1- KoR/TFO weapon Elias Alderaan isn't enough to wake him up When the Empire crumbles he's sorta just abandoned, maybe a shuffled around asset among surviving moffs and generals and the like before ending up in one of the groups' hands Feral but still trainable 2- Fully dark Elias At some point comes out of his stupor on his own, but is no less angry and vicious Ends up turning on his masters and takes over a cell or the empire for himself when the top two fall. Now hes the one cracking the whip, and he's even crueler to his subordinates as those who made him And he is always angry, like the kind of angry that shoots past flailing tantrums into eeerie seeming stillness, but you can't mistake it for calm when he casually snaps a neck or cuts someone in half for any minor inconvenience or failure

hackett. chinhands

TheKojiIsHere https://youtu.be/hL5zv4mN1xA Batman-Under the Red Hood Black Mask Montage

From beginning to 2:06

Except the punch would have been a saber thrust through the face

darth porgeius ooookay that’s some unhinged darkness right there

hackett. kor elias would be a fucked version of his tryad dynamic with ben. the kor were brothers / dark side teachers for kylo. it was a frat cult fully dark elias is giving vader a run for it

TheKojiIsHere But also imagine like Full dark Elias scoops Ben before snoke can

hackett. ..... The Resistance is now The Attempt because fucking hell

TheKojiIsHere Couple immediate differences: Ben never becomes a KoR bc Elias wouldn't even send him therr He also doesn't become a Jedi Killer bc even dark Elias has certain boundaries snoke does not, and no more Jedi need to die pointlessly Ben, and I cannot stress this enough is so much more of a powerhouse/threat holy shit Bc he's been kinda raised by Elias, taught proper forms, and how to utilize his raw power more effectively He's a better dueliest, more disciplined, and more knowledgeable Also Elias isn't borderline torturing the kid I wouldn't say he's kind But he's a very different kind of cruel

hackett. Duuuude, now im picturing this kylo concept art https://images.app.goo.gl/2BE5WHechxB78f7L8

darth porgeius super spook

hackett. Im curious to explore the differences because the kor are such a huge influence. Kylo ren's face is based on their style. That mask is so tied to his identity.

TheKojiIsHere Elias also wouldn't have tolerated such adoration of Vader Fuck I imagined him finding the helmet in Ben's quarters And making Ben watch as he crushed it with The Force Brought it in on itself until it was just a small metal sphere

hackett. ...... I think i just felt ben die inside

TheKojiIsHere Elias: You do not celebrate his works. He cast aside himself for the sake of an old fool with delusions of grandeur, and stole the selves of his brothers. He is not worth your worship, and you have already surpassed him in so many ways. Do not let the the short sightedness of the past blind and rob you of the future's promise, Ben.

hackett. ......i

TheKojiIsHere

I'm sending this here bc I don't wanna interrupt what you're typing in tryad chat BUT PALPATINE NEVER GETS INTO HIS HEAD ELIAS HAS MADE SURE NOBODY EVER GETS INTO HIS MIND AGAIN AND MAKES HIM SOMETHING HE ISNT SO HE MAKES SURE BEN CAN DO THE SAME Dark Elias doesn't get Ben by twisting his mind into servitude He makes Ben a better offer than anyone else is

hackett. In other words, his crimes are truly his own

TheKojiIsHere Yeeeeeup

hackett. There's no headworm that has convinced of his path Whats elias like as a master in this au

TheKojiIsHere Harsh but fair. He beats the shit out of Ben regularly, but never pointlessly. He's ruthless because those Ben will face are so, but there is always a lesson to be learned Example: Ben learned mental defense bc Elias would day take time each day forcing his way into Ben's mind whole instructing how to stop him He kept doing it until Ben got it Until his mental defenses were like walls of beskar Dueling, they used shock batons so it wouldn't be lethal but it would hurt Every slip in his form would come with pain But Elias always made sure he knew that with the pain came knowledge, with knowledge, strength I got to stress this allies is not insane just angry Which means he is capable of moments that are not the black mask video I showed you To be honest and this au with Ben is probably as soft as this Elias gets And he definitely gives been praise when it's due. It's hard fault but when Ben gets a form right, or makes progress, he makes sure Ben know that it is not unnoticed Above all Else, he may be harsh but he will never be Vader He will never push been to a breaking point. He will never Rob Ben know who he is. He will only test him and have high standards for Passing

hackett. Ben would develop so differently. Less reckless, still calculative but more discerning before he strikes and when he strikes he's already plotted out his next moves

TheKojiIsHere Seriously, such a difference this'd make Hell, the galaxy would be wildly different There'd be a third power at play Though Elias isn't much interested in huge expansion or conquest. He basically takes a world with the force he has and refuses to let it go. This ofc makes him an enemy of the New Republic So his group (idk the name yet) is essentially dealing with defense more than offense, but people are sent out to destabilize TNR on a major level And when TFO pops up, they're competition Plus, Elias will sense Palpatines hand in things So where TNR is met with cold, apathetic disruption TFO is targeted with extreme prejudice OH MAN IMAGINE THAT'S HOW REY FITS IN! SHES SCOOPED BY TFO She's  the Ren But yes Elias would have been a harsh but fair teacher/father. He also, as an interesting contrast to smoke, doesnt leave all the work to underlings Ben would see Elias fighting alongside him And his Vaapad variant works even better There's a lot more internal darkness to tap into and start the loop OH MAN I JUST THOUGHT OF A DUO MOVE THEY COULD HAVE USE EACH OTHER Rather than rely on the potentially waxing and waning emotions of another

hackett. Dark side circuit

TheKojiIsHere They link up an essentially become both generator and amplifier for each other And since both sides are aware of the transfer and letting it flow freely It's way more potent They'd be fucking unstoppable and terrifying sweet christmas TFO: sends a fleet with star destroyers and fighters aplenty towards Elias' planet Elias and Ben: link up and destroy them from the surface while the ships are still in orbit

hackett. That's messed, i dig it. They basically sound like an event horizon of power, once they link they just devour enemies with the force

TheKojiIsHere ^^^^

hackett. Like kylo ren in that resistance clip i sent is far as fuck away from his two underlings And he uses the force to make them aim at each other So thats him on his own Imagine with elias linked

TheKojiIsHere They could control the entire crew, on multiple ships Okay, so question Bc I feel like there is room for debate on this and I wonder where you stand Do you think each person like Has a set level of power in The Force that they are capable of from birth They may not be able to utilize all of it right away But there is a definitive, insurmountable cap Or do you think it's more of a soft cap that can be expanded with time and practice? Bc dif people def start off with varying levels of potency Re: the Skywalkers all being natural powerhouses But do you think that's it, or people can improve if they deign to try?

hackett. So i think its a little bit like that line from ratatouille. Anyone can use the force. Powerful force users can come from anywhere, be anyone. Even if its genetic for ben solo, doesnt mean thats how it happens for everyone. Like disney changed the canon that everyone is sensitive to the force but not everyone is force sensitive. It probably manifests in different ways. I think everyone can improve, heighten their awareness and control, but everyone has a cap. Not because theyre weak or pathetic or meagor, their strength is just elsewhere like all talents and abilities Which is why elias in any verse being able to compete with ren makes sense without it feeling like a "god mode"

TheKojiIsHere Another terrifying idea for dark verse They find the gauntlet Figure out how it's made then make their own With Empire assets Elias could have beaten TFO to Illum by decades

hackett. conduit dark siders with a pair of those gauntlets [8:14 PM]

TheKojiIsHere They turn the whole thing into a conduit over time The space weapon is them OH SHIT WHAT IF ILLUM IS THE PLANET ELIAS TOOK OVER Spent years turning it into a base/civilization

hackett. I WAS THINKING THAT like imagine just that planet becomes amp and battery pack

TheKojiIsHere And battle station/civilization And you know what? The people who live there live live well

hackett. i imagine, i don't see elias being the type to set himself to be hated by those under his indirect control but live under his influence

TheKojiIsHere Oh wow I must have pocket called you my b But yea he wouldn't be needlessly cruel

hackett. also not a fool, you don't make the people who surround you and know your home turf your enemy

TheKojiIsHere ^^^^^

hackett. leave them alone, ingratiate them at least a little bit. make their lives comfortable and protect them and they won't want a regime change

TheKojiIsHere His direct subordinates, however, he definitely rules through fear. He doesn't tolerate failure, and it's gratifying to be the punisher rather than the punished He offsets this by giving due praise to those who perform satisfactorily, and even more so exemplary

So there's a big dichotomy in treatment Ben, ofc, is judged most harshly but also performs most exceptionally In Elias' eyes

hackett. it's gonna interesting cause with snoke he gave benlo a direction and told him to find his own way there it's not the same with a dark elias, there's more expectations. more guidance. more discipline.

[quinnlocke]

Author About Me

tagged by both @mystictrashheap and @foxyena, thanks :)

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

Quinn Locke is my halfling rogue from a D&D campaign I was in with some friends. When I first started publishing fanfic I didn’t want anyone in my real life to find it and only 4 people knew of the character but never remembered her last name so it worked.

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos).

It Was Always You - 237 comments, 4995 hits

Sincerely Yours - 389 kudos, 124 subscriptions, 73 bookmarks

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

A picture of Bokuto and Akaashi from the mange edited to look like they are conspiring together. I chose it cause I love Bokuaka and I seem to write them more than anyone else.

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

I have quite a few regulars and I very much look forward to their comments. I have one who leaves me paragraph long reviews and I honestly tear up a little every time. 

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

Hehehehehe, you do not want to see the hit count for a few fics. I have about 3 or 4 that I always go back to for a quick read to make me smile. 

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

142 bookmarks and I am subscribed to 6 authors

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

It varies, though I seem to always end up falling into the University setting

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

50 user subscriptions (are you kidding me???) and 408 bookmarks. You mean to tell me 50 people get an email that I posted something???

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

There are some pairings I would love to write but worry no one will like, or even worse tell me that its the wrong ship and to ship this instead.

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

Building a proper world and managing to follow that worlds rules. I’d also like to finally figure out how to break up sentence structure and maybe stop using the term “felt like”

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

Popular ships with a couple minor rare pairs thrown into the background

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

20

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

For my own well being I will not even look.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

both depending on if I feel I absolutely must write it immediately

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

yes and let’s not talk about it thank you very much

16. How did you discover AO3?

Deviant art had some fanfic attached to pictures and then I googled fanfiction for dragon age and lo and behold there it was

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

hardly

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

most people seem to call me quinn, i do not have a name for my readers en masse, i do have nicknames for the people i interact with the most

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

loquaciousquark and rannadylin were the first authors whose work had me hooked in the dragon age fandom. silvercistern is the author who ensured I was trapped in haikyuu forever, if only for the magic of bokuaka. To be honest I am inspired by anyone who wants to write and has a story to tell.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

Write for you first. If you want to see your two favorite characters meet in a coffee shop and bond over a love of the same book, the write it. If you want to write the au based on that obscure TV show from your childhood, do it. Write what makes you happy first. 

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

Both honestly. I have outlines for long fics and then there are times I just pull a story out of nowhere and go... well here it is.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

Yes, I deleted it and chose to ignore a message sent to me by the person who commented. They criticized my work, then asked to use whatever prompt I had gotten to write my story. The best part was there was no prompt. I came up with the idea on my own. Now, I usually just ignore rude comments and try not to let them bother me. I don’t get many.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

smut will be the death of me

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

Sincerely Yours, Faded Trees (a tensemi fantasy au), Giving In (long fic planned for the bsd bb), Date Me...For Science! (fake dating au) and a host of other small projects

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

I am always plotting something even if I never end up writing it

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

I don’t even have a goal on the days I do write

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

Good god I hope so!

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

Flowers and Feathers, I wrote it in a day and I can’t help but smile when I see it gets kudos

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

Tale of the Champion(s Heart), because I will never finish it, and it was my first fanfic ever so its full of mistakes and tired tropes. For Haikyuu it would be Six Minutes to Say Goodbye. It was my first Haikyuu fic and it was my first fic after a 4 month long writers block.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

Probably writing for new fandoms, or at the very least having more fandoms to write for. I doubt I will ever stop writing

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

When you actually hit that groove where all your ideas come together and the words just fucking flow

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Fucking summaries can go to hell

33. Why do you write?

Because I have stories to share

tagging @talkativelock, @therealmnemo, @rannadylin, and anyone else who wants to get their hands on this