#I don’t have a reason not to share I just want posts like “if this gets x notes I’ll do x’’ to be more popular because I like spamming ppl
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𝙃𝘼𝙇𝙁𝙒𝘼𝙔 𝙎𝙏𝙍𝘼𝙉𝙂𝙀𝙍𝙎
00 𝙋𝙧𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙜𝙪𝙚, 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚.
a/n: long awaited pazzi series.. let’s hope I can be consistent with these chapters and not forget about after a few weeks.happy ready lovelies ⋆·˚ ༘ *
warnings: none!
`✦ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹
“I’m afraid to see what’s in my head ,
So I lock it up in my heart”
I’ve never been great with people. Sure, I can hold a conversation, crack a joke, make some friends. But there’s always this weird distance—like I’m just performing, pretending to be someone I’m not. The truth is, I’m not as confident as people think I am. I hate being vulnerable. But she made it easier.
I still remember the first time she reached out to me. Her message popped up on my computer late one night, while I was scrolling through my Blogspot—my little corner of the internet where I could just… breathe. No one knew who I was on there. Just a girl venting about life, school, basketball, and the tangled mess that was my head.
She said she’d been reading my posts for a while and liked them. She said she didn’t have anyone else to talk to, and honestly, I didn’t either. So we started messaging. At first, it was just random stuff—homework, teachers, the usual teenage nonsense.
But soon enough, she started opening up more. Things I never expected to hear. About her family. Her stepdad. The kids at school who made her feel invisible. She told me how her mom remarried, and how everything felt off after that. I didn’t know why she was sharing all this with me, someone she’d never met, someone who was practically a stranger. But there was something about it. Something that made it feel right.
We got into the deeper stuff too—the insecurities, the self-doubt, the anger at things we couldn’t control. And yeah, I shared my own stuff too. It wasn’t the same, but it was close enough. My parents getting divorced. Moving from place to place. The pressure to be perfect all the time. I guess it’s easier when you don’t have to show your face. She wasn’t some random person to me anymore. She was… real.
She called me “her safe space.” And for some reason, I was okay with that. I think I needed her as much as she needed me, even if I couldn’t admit it back then. It was like she understood me in a way no one else did.
But the thing is, I never told her who I really was. She didn’t need to know I was Paige Bueckers, the basketball player everyone at school thought they knew. She didn’t need know I was just a girl trying to figure out where I fit in all of this.
It was just us. She and I. We could be ourselves without pretending. And that felt… like a goddamn relief.
But that was the thing—she was just an anonymous name on a screen. I didn’t know who she was either. Not really. I only knew what she shared, what she let me see.
Then came that night. The night I saw her name pop up in the chat, just like always. But this time, it wasn’t just her usual message. It was a question. “What if we could meet? Like, in real life?” Oh.
I froze. And my stomach did this weird flip.
I didn’t know how to answer. I didn’t even know if I wanted to. What if she was someone I knew? What if she was someone I was supposed to hate? What if… it was her?
————
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@thaatdigitaldiary @patscorner @sierrale8ne @ohbueckers @juspeaks @mrsarnold @d3arapril @authentic-girl03 @absolutelydreadful
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Hehehe, I knew where this was going from the summary but yet, seeing it unfold on page was just delightful!
I don't often go for post-Endgame fics, even AUs, but I was definitely reeled in by the way we saw, even in this one short chapter, about how there are so many issues because of everything that happened with the whole Thanos ordeal. And I love Pepper as the force that is trying to help all these people and put the influence and budget of Stark Industries to work - that feels like such a great way to honor Tony's legacy, and something he would want to happen when he's gone.
“Well, then let’s talk about it. You know I’m here for you, whatever you need. I don’t know how you think I can help, but clearly you’ve got an idea.”
And I mean this is like 100% Steve jumping in before he even knows what's going to be asked of him - I mean, yes, Pepper knows who he is and wouldn't ask anything that is against his morals but also I love every instance of Steve just being the sentence 'I am here to help, what can I do?' in a physical form.
"That's exactly why you'd be perfect, Steve. You're not entrenched in the political machine. You have a moral compass that's unwavering, and a desire to help those who need it, no matter what.”
I like her reasoning, and also I ADORED the way Steve immediately jumped to think if he's good enough for this and qualified, how he's a soldier, not a politician... A man that first thinks about the responsibilities instead of the power is a man after my own heart.
"You've shown that you're willing to stand up for what you believe in, even when it costs you everything.”
Honestly if this isn't just Steve Rogers' character in one singular sentence, I don't know what is. I love your way of writing him, the characterization is just astronomically good. You get him and I'm always delighted to find writers whose characterizations I can get behind.
I also adore the idea of him getting a good team this time, and the support, instead of just being flung headfirst into a world he does not understand (glares at canon). And the fact that Pepper also mentioned Nat's sacrifice in addition to Tony's felt like the cherry on top - I am still salty over the way they sort of glossed over her death in canon and I'm glad it's being spun as one reason for them to try to make the world a better place in this fic.
I am delighted with this, thank you so much for sharing! What an interesting idea and a wonderful characteriztion, and not to mention that your writing is so smooth and seamless that it's really gripping! I am definitely looking forward to diving into the next parts and finding out how Reader plays into all of this.
Red, White & True - Prologue
Characters/Pairings: Steve Rogers (future x curvy Millennial Female!Reader), Pepper Potts Word Count: 1.3k Summary: "There was an idea..." Words at the heart of what brought the Avengers together. Steve Rogers is no longer an Avenger, having retired after The Snap and passed his shield along to Sam Wilson, but Pepper Potts has a new idea to bring Steve back out of retirement - but in a totally different arena.
Content/Warnings: none
Notes: This takes place in a post-Endgame scenario where Steve stays and generally most of TFATWS happened.
↠ Main Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest
PROLOGUE
[MAY 1 - Upstate New York]
“You know I’m always happy to come out to the farm,” Steve says, rinsing the last plate and handing it to the strawberry blonde woman so she can dry and put it back on the shelf. “I love to see you and Morgan. But what do you want to talk to me about, Pepper?”
Pepper gives him a tight-lipped smile. “Let’s go to the study,” she answers, and leads the way to the back of the modern but rustic home. She takes a seat on the couch and motions for Steve to sit on the other end.
“I was sitting right here when Tony stood over there,” she nods her head toward a spot in front of Steve, “and told me he figured out the science of time travel.”
Steve’s chest aches at her words. “Pepper…”
She holds up a hand to stop him. “No, don’t apologize. I told him that was amazing and terrifying. Then we sat here together and really talked. He told me he could stop, put a pin in it, that part of him wanted to bury the idea in a lock box at the bottom of the lake. But I reminded him that we were lucky not to have lost each other in the Blip and so many others weren’t.”
She pauses for a moment and looks to the mantle where there’s a small, retired arc reactor on display. Steve waits for her to continue.
“When I started working for him, I had no idea where it would all lead. I certainly didn’t have aspirations to date my boss or become the CEO of Stark Industries. Tony will always be the love of my life, and each day that goes by, each month, each year, I miss him, but the missing hurts less. What’s left is the whisper, the urge of the legacy of everything that’s still here and what I can do with it. I haven’t been idle, but I’ve been trying to ignore my own time travel issue, if you will.”
Steve can hardly hold himself back from scoffing. “The medical research, the humanitarian initiatives, the scientific advances you’re still spearheading, it’s just not really enough if you can’t solve for world peace,” he jokes.
Pepper cocks her head slightly. “The thing is, I have an idea of where I could start on that last one.”
Steve’s eyebrows knit together, and he studies her face. “Okay…” he knew his voice was conveying his curiosity but also his trepidation.
“Stark Industries helps a lot of people, but there are things I can’t help no matter how hard I try there. The world is in a bigger mess than science can help, only so much can be done with humanitarian work, and there’s an area that’s haunting me because I’ve tried to stay out of it for as long as I could, and I just don’t think I can any more, not and still sleep at night.”
“Well, then let’s talk about it. You know I’m here for you, whatever you need. I don’t know how you think I can help, but clearly you’ve got an idea.”
“I know you retired one suit, but I’d like you to think about another.”
“Pep-”
“Not that kind of suit,” she interrupts. “There are still some good, decent people in politics, but money has poisoned so much of what goes on - lobbyists, special interests, politicians needing to fundraise. But I’ve got money. I could fund a campaign.”
Steve frowns. “What exactly are you proposing?”
“I need a candidate, and there’s no one I would trust more than you. I want to finance your campaign to run for President of the United States.”
Steve's eyes widen, and he feels as if the air has been sucked out of the room. His mouth opens and closes, but he can’t think of any initial words to come out. He stands abruptly, his legs carrying him to the large window overlooking the serene lake outside. The late afternoon sun casts a golden glow across the water, creating a stark contrast to the turmoil in his mind.
"President?" he finally manages to croak out, his voice barely above a whisper. He turns back to face Pepper, his brow furrowed deeply. "Pepper, I... I don't know the first thing about running a country. I've been a soldier, an Avenger, but never a politician."
Pepper leans forward, her eyes bright with determination. "That's exactly why you'd be perfect, Steve. You're not entrenched in the political machine. You have a moral compass that's unwavering, and a desire to help those who need it, no matter what.”
“And sometimes I failed.”
“It made you wiser every time.”
Steve plants his hands on his hips and sighs. “Pep, I’m just a kid from Brooklyn who wanted to serve his country.”
Pepper leans forward, her eyes intense and earnest. "And you've done that, Steve. You've served this country in ways most people can't even imagine. Think about what you could do as President. The impact you could have, the changes you could make. You've always fought for what's right, even when it wasn't easy or popular. That's exactly what this country needs right now."
Steve turns back to the window, his mind racing. He thinks of all the battles he's fought, the sacrifices he's made. Could he really make a difference from the Oval Office? Or would the political machine chew him up and spit him out?
"What about my past?" he asks, still facing the lake. "The Accords, going rogue, all of it. It would all come out in a campaign."
He hears Pepper stand and approach him. She places a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Your past is part of what makes you the right person for this, Steve. You've shown that you're willing to stand up for what you believe in, even when it costs you everything.”
He can feel Pepper's eyes on him, waiting for a response. He takes a deep breath, trying to organize his thoughts.
"I appreciate your faith in me, Pepper. I really do," he begins, still facing the lake. "But this isn't like leading a team into battle. The complexities of running a country, the constant scrutiny, the compromises you have to make... I'm not sure I'm cut out for that."
"Steve, that's exactly why you'd be perfect for this. You understand the weight of responsibility. You've made tough decisions under pressure. And most importantly, you have a clear vision of what's right and what's wrong."
Steve turns to face her, his expression conflicted.
“I won’t lie to you,” she continues, “the public scrutiny will be worse, but it’s not something you’re unfamiliar with. Just like before, you’ll have people singing your praise and people ready to crucify you just for sport. But we’ll face it head-on. You won’t do any of it alone. We’ll put together a team of friends, people we trust, experts and strategists. We’ll find people outside our camp who will challenge us to make the campaign stronger. And when we get you in the White House, no president leads alone. You have a history of seeing the value in the people around you and bringing teams together. It’ll just be fighting a different fight.”
Steve thinks over her words. “In a different suit.”
She smiles. “You’ll do it?”
“Answer one more question for me.”
Pepper nods. “Anything.”
“Why do this?”
Steve sees the conviction settle in her entire demeanor, and that shift alone convinces him the rest of the way, but her words cement his resolve down to his core.
“Tony and Natasha didn’t sacrifice just to leave something broken behind. It’s time to help put things back together and try to leave a legacy of something better.”
go to chapter one: MANHATTAN & BROOKLYN
This is an idea that sparked in during the huge sleepover I hosted in July 2023, and it's been tantalizing me for a long time, but now the muse is finally ready to play with it! gee, I wonder why...
I can't wait to bring you along for the ride! This story will have 3-4 chapters, depending on where I split up the narrative. I anticipate about a chapter a week.
↠ Main Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest
I do not do tag lists, but FOLLOW @buckets-and-stories and TURN ON NOTIFICATIONS to be updated any time I publish a new work!
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The Healer
masterlist
viktor x anhedonic!reader [1.4k][AO3]
cw: implied/referenced depression, suicide, suicidal ideation, self harm
summary: Anhedonia set in and the idea of exiting life's stage became all the more appealing. But you've heard about The Healer and perhaps he can save you.
tags: gn reader, S2 Viktor, post-Act 1, anhedonia, angst, depression, suicide, SI, SH, viktor gardening?, reader's just admiring him atp, not betad, not encouraging anybody to join any cult
a/n: idk if vik's abilities extends to making plants appear but for this pretend it does
if you're unfamiliar with what anhedonia is, it's a symptom of a larger condition (can be depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, more), characterised by the inability to experience physical and/or social pleasure. makes existing difficult, like you're dragging so much pointless weight and everything feels high effort, so what's the point.
just a brief description (based on what i've learnt from it in research and experience), so i encourage learning more to get it more in depth if it interests you or sounds too familiar.
You prayed for an easy coax out of the darkness.
The little home of scrap fabric and heartbroken brick you built throughout the years was becoming more and more dilapidated, though its original state had never been of full health to begin with. And like it, your body’s ridges became prominent, visited by unexplained bruises, warmed by the thickened hair on your skin, and yet living on had always been the only option you saw—no, the only option you allowed.
You’d breathed long enough to outlive many of those around you. Whether it was becoming grey-lunged corpses, enforcer punching bags, or a Promenade diver, everybody knew somebody who, sooner rather than later, knelt to kiss Death’s feet. Surrendered. Be it by their own or another’s will.
Then it fell upon you: the swole blanket of indifference, of apathy. It cloaked your mind, buried your defences that was defiance, which had been the only source of survival you’d had left. But snuffed out now.
And how easy it is to think of self-inflicted inexistence when it seems nothing else matters.
Oblivion would whisper in the corner, a demented, deformed dog snarling yet begging your hand’s comfort. Come to me. And you can’t find good reason as to why you shouldn’t.
This… healer—a man whose touch could gild any man’s sick and bestow him a new life, a new body, a new mind—you’re not sure when he arrived. But the whispers morphed to murmurs which morphed to rumours and unfolded itself into your side of the city’s underbelly.
Was he the answer to your prayer?
You made journey to the place you’d heard he’d made camp, and it unfurled before you and stole all expectation and put them to rest. Because for once, the Sumps had colour, had life.
At the centre stood a strange, globular… building? Just like stained glass, its surface was of mute Spring colours, translucent, swirling lattice-work reminiscent of butterfly wing patterns.
He’s a tall thing. A beautiful thing. His metal body cloaked, careful, and coded with grace. Each movement was deliberate, no gaze shared unintentional. How had he come to exist? How had this world birthed your people’s suffering but, as well, him?
You want to laugh at the sick irony. Whoever’s dealing the cards need their hands cut off.
“What ails you?” he asks, giving you such soft regarding you can’t help but be rendered speechless.
In truth, you’re not sure. Physically, you know you’re lacking, but so was everyone so why are you different? In your head there sits a temptress, attempting to lure you to the edge of buildings or blades, but she had no name. No one speaks of her.
The healer tilts his head, seeming to take a better look at you. He looks so kind. Such eyes, opalescent, have seen suffering, and you know it.
“Life,” you give a one-shouldered shrug, smiling. “I… I’m not actually… uh, I don’t know what I’m doing here,” you take a step back.
What had been the point of this? Attempt what? Healing? What’s this man to do?
“No,” he steps closer, his voice swathed in a strange mechanical whir. “Stay,”
You’re sure that by the furrowed desperation on you, it convinces something inside him, as he turns and beckons you with a nudge of his head. So you follow.
Each step he makes creates a heavy thunk beneath him, and though you don’t feel its impact, merely by sound you feel the weight of him. How had he acquired such a body? Modded fingers, let alone limbs, cost years of your wages—you can’t imagine how much his entire body might have cost.
“I can feel something plaguing you,” he begins, shifting slightly to catch a look of you.
You scoff but it doesn’t quite match your face.
“Then what brought you to me?” he shrugs and looks away, leading you to the side of the Sumps where a clear plain rolled out.
You watch as he kneels and reaches for the soil, taking it between metal fingers.
“I’m not sure,” you kneel beside him, shoulders bunching up. “What are you doing?”
He hums, smoothing the ground and creating indents, “I’m assessing,”
You lean forward, folding your arms and hanging your head to look at him.
The metal frames his face, just barely hidden by chestnut waves, curling beneath the jaw and around the ear.
He’s got a rather angular beauty to him, something belonging to scrutiny and studiosity. Even his strong brows follow theme, arched forward in a focused furrow, over narrowed eyes homing iridescent irises. You’re not sure if he’s from this world. Or if the world was gifted him.
Your attention trails back to his hand, and he digs his fingers beneath the soil. Then, hand glowing beneath the metallic muscles, the ground is imbued with a light, where then verdant stems spring alive.
You choke back a gasp, glancing about as the spindly bodies uncurl and reveal yellow petals. Roses?
Whipping back to him, you take note of the glow leaving his eyes, shock threading through your system.
When you glance back at the flowers, now surrounding the both of you, you can’t help but think: logically, how you might have reacted would be with pleasant surprise, glee, even.
Such occurrences, the arcane or a mere flower field, was a coveted sight, and without a doubt you would have felt the surge of optimism. But instead nothing happens. Instead it’s unmet anticipation and expectation sitting at your belly, pooling into grey disappointment.
It’s when you look back to the healer that you realise this disappointment must have shown on your face. He inclines his head so slightly, blinks, as if saying I understand. And he smiles. He smiles and it’s the gentlest thing ever given to you to hold and witness.
You want to crumple, to lay graves for your limbs and disassemble each part that ever dared to exist only to suffer. There used to be anger, and at the very least there was indignation. At topside for their neglect, your parents or finding each other, for finding something beyond the misery and creating you. Where had all such righteous resentment gone?
“Viktor,”
You look up to see the healer’s hand stretched out, asking for yours in return. And you oblige, shaking it gently, before pulling away only to be held with soft restraint.
“You are welcome to stay,” his voice becomes tender, becomes more human almost, aimed purely for your audience. “Even if what torments is not outright seen. I welcome all,”
Your breath comes out long, carrying with it the tired days in the dark. The healer… Viktor makes no acknowledgement of this but just another observant blink, the corners of his mouth slightly tightening.
“Wasn’t gonna die or anything,” you joke, flattening your lips and hoping it registers as a smile, however trying it may appear.
“Eh,” Viktor shrugs, turning his attention to your hand and turning it about as if trying to see new angles. “A slow death is still a death,”
This makes you frown. Why has he assumed? But why is he right?
“The slower it is, the more painful, I think,” he remarks, but he seems almost far away. “As you watch what is left of you wither, and all you can do is… hm, watch,”
Then you understand. Something in your chest tightens as you take in once again all this stranger is. “You’re well-acquainted,” you note, coming out barely as breath and observation, spoken clearer by the narrowing of your eyes than your own voice.
He looks at you again, and something’s changed. His eyes? It seems. There’s something more amber about them, more grounded in this singular hue. “My longest companion,”
You hum, nodding.
There’s a safety in knowing you’re understood, even if they’re not able to fix you. It cloaks you warmer than summer, than any consolation offered in pity—he understands. And perhaps not the very same that brandishes you, but in some aspect he knows.
Which is what makes you ask, “Can you fix me?”
His eyes resume that pearl sheen once again and you’re mesmerised, gaze flitting between each eye in deep investigation—tell me who you are, how you are; tell me how you’ll fix me. Like the field around, the sweet sunshine hues of the roses, to make your land more than just barren.
And he does. He raises his other hand, uncurling, coming to hover by your face. “May I?”
You breath sweeps back in and you nod, leaning forward and connecting his cold fingers to your cheek.
He notes you for a moment, saying nothing, doing nothing. It’s his gaze that makes you feel naked, removed of any pretence crafted carefully. But he shifts his attention and his fingers connected with your forehead, eyes overtaken by a white glow.
Your vision drowns in the white.
a/n anhedonia's been hitting me and this is the only thing i could muster to make so here we gooo. not my favourite, feel like i could've done it better but oh well, least i made something wahooyaaa writing is coping after all 🫵🏼😃🗣️
requests + taglist open!
[this is a reupload, i have no idea why the original post disappeared :''')]
#arcane#arcane spoilers#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane viktor#arcane fanfic#arcane viktor fanfic#vitya arcane#viktor x gn!reader#viktor x reader#viktor x you#gn!reader#nausicaas fics
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Okay so this idea is kind of meh but what about AU frat boy! Dick Grayson who everyone likes but with a reader who’s kind of wary of him like gets put off vibes and discovers to their horror he’s a serial killer? Like maybe catches him in the act? Could be romantic or platonic either or :)
𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐅𝐑𝐀𝐓 𝐁𝐎𝐘 𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐘𝐒𝐎𝐍…
!!! GN reader, egregiously long post, paranoia, mind games, brief mention of suicides, death, blood, dead body, can be translated as romantic or platonic, idk what else needs to be warned.
Frat boy Dick Grayson AU, you will forever be famous in my heart. Why haven’t I written something like this before.
He’s got it all. The charm, the good looks, the surprisingly tasteful humor (considering he’s a part of a frat)… what’s not to like about him? He’s the number one campus heart-throb, with just about anyone throwing themselves at his feet.
Well, everyone except you.
Because there’s just something so off about him. For whatever reason, alarm bells go off in your head whenever he’s near. Some may call it paranoia, some may call it straight-up jealousy. But to you, it’s something much more; enough to make the hairs on the back of your neck when he decides to sit next to you in lectures.
At first, you thought it was due to the envious looks from other students. I mean, the Dick Grayson has decided to sit next to you of all people? That’s bound to start some nasty one-sided shit from people you don’t even know. But no… it’s not the whispers or glares. It’s him. The voice in the back of your head practically screams that it’s him. You just don’t know why.
Again, he’s got it all. Charm, good looks, humor. Maybe what’s so off-putting is that he’s just so friendly. Due to his outgoing personality, it’s no shock to see him hanging around someone new every day, and it’s to the point where you’re convinced he knows everyone on campus by name. Maybe you just need to understand the nature of a social butterfly more. Then he’ll stop being so off-putting. Right?
But, the more you interact with him, the less sure you are. It drives you crazy when he picks you as his lecture buddy because there’s just something so wrong. But what? Is it his casual questions about your hobbies? His friendly, gentle shoulder-grabs when he wants your attention? His relaxed demeanor around someone who should realistically be a total stranger to him, as neither of you share the shame lifestyles outside of classes?
No, you randomly realized one day; it’s none of that.
It’s the fact that his smile never reaches his eyes.
Dick Grayson has beautiful crystal blues; you’ll give him that much. They’re bewitching to look into, and you’ll find yourself captivated by his gaze even if you aren’t big on eye contact. But whoever came up with the saying, “the eyes are the window to the soul” clearly never met Dick Grayson. No matter how warm his smile may be, it’s impossible to know what he’s truly thinking with how guarded his stare is. A damn mystery, with no clues other than the slightest hint of a knowing twinkle every now and then.
You quickly decided that it’s creepy as hell. Why would a guy who acts like an open book have eyes so frosty? Has anyone else noticed this, or are they too busy being charmed by his honey words and pearly whites? Maybe it’s a part of his allure. People drool over the secretive ones, don’t they?
(Upon having that thought, you’d feel a shiver go up your spine. You can hear the echo of Dick Grayson’s voice saying, “you’re a secretive one, (Y/N). I’ll admit, it’s kinda cute” somewhere in your mind.)
(If you recall correctly, it was the day where you began to wonder where exactly he heard your name from.)
But you’ve begun to observe this anomaly named Dick Grayson. You’ve begun to pick up on how he carries himself around other people, and something became immediately apparent. Whatever the deal is with weird, closed-off look he has in his eyes… it’s situational. Strategic, even. While you have yet to pick up on the pattern, some conversations — or people, even — warrant shimmering eyes filled with mirth, while others get that plotting, calculating stare.
And, for whatever reason, everything about you seems to earn the latter.
(Like when you think he doesn’t notice you watching him. A seat ahead of you, he’ll carry on with the cheerleader just fine, his eyes sparkling with whatever emotion he desires. Then, when the conversation lulls, he’ll subtly crane his head behind him the slightest bit, icy eyes darting in your general direction.)
(You might be going crazy, but you swear he smirks a fraction of an inch when your gazes accidentally connect.)
So, yeah. Either you’re reading into things way too much, or this guy’s just not what he seems to be on the surface. And if this is really the game of cat and mouse you think it is, you’re pretty sure he knows you’re on to him. Because why else would he give you a peek behind the curtains of his true intentions? Okay, maybe that’s a little too far, as you’re not sure what his true intentions are, but still… something about how he interacts with you — which seems to be a lot, by the way — just has this subtle taunting undertone to everything. Like he knows you know something and no one will believe you.
God, if only you actually knew what he knows you know. It would make this game of mental fuckery much more palatable.
Something is so off about Dick Grayson. You’re not sure if anyone else feels the same way, but it’s just… true. That jolt of fight or flight you get when he’s looking at you has been there since day one, and it will probably continue to be there for as long as you’re in the same classes as him. And you know what doesn’t help? The strange disappearances happening around campus. Because of course there has to be some sort of side plot happening. It’s not just enough that you have this weirdo friendly frat guy wanting to get all-chummy with everyone. Nope; students and faculty alike seem to be dropping like flies, some of them even found dead after an accident or an unfortunately successful suicide attempt.
So, maybe you consume too much true crime content. Maybe people are right about that shit fucking up your mentality, and now you’re just a paranoid loser who thinks everyone is out to get them. But… I mean… a charismatic guy who’s enchanted pretty much everyone within a ten-mile radius? Come on. Where have you heard that one before. The signs are right there. Why are you the only fucking person seeing them?! Why is no one else suspicious of this weirdo who’s obviously up to something?! Why is no one calling him out on this behavior?!
… Because it’s all in your head. Because you’ve officially lost it, and the only weirdo here is you. Because when a girl started having an allergic reaction, the one who was able to control the situation and save her life was none other than Dick Grayson. Because his tone was so serious, his eyes were so focused, and his hands were so gentle yet methodical as he administered her epipen. Because he went through breathing exercises with her to calm her down, and asked with a genuinely worried expression how she was feeling.
Because Dick Grayson is a nice person who wanted to walk her back to her dorm, and all you are is a judgmental creep who comes up with batshit crazy conspiracies when someone looks at them weird.
Maybe nothing is wrong with him. If there was, why would he look so sincere during that whole thing? Aren’t life or death situations the perfect way to pick up on people’s true natures? Being right there, all you saw was a natural-born leader commanding the room, eyes ablaze with conviction as he ordered you to hand that girl’s back to him so he can dig for the epi. Sure, he might get a strange look in his eyes every now and then, but does that really matter in the grand scheme of things? As long as he’s got his head on his shoulder when needed, a mischievous glance or two never hurt anyone.
That night, you walked back to your dorm feeling like a piece of shit. There was no plotting. There was no game of cat and mouse. The friendly frat boy was always just that; a friendly frat boy. So, now here you are, even going as far as to take the long way back from your 8 pm lecture in order to fully maximize this time to reflect. Maybe you should somehow apologize to him. While you didn’t outwardly do anything wrong, you’ve always had this slight distrusting attitude towards him, and it was about time you change it. Who knows, maybe you’ll be the one to take initiative and sit next to him. Start the conversation yourself, ask him some questions, just generally return the friendliness he’s always shown you.
That’s when the hairs on the back of your neck began to stand.
You stopped dead in your tracks, your foot barely even flat on the beaten path before you. He was near. You knew he was near. That fight or flight instinct has basically been conditioned to sense his presence at this point, and now here it was, screaming at you that he’s near. Whatever thoughts you had to make amends with Dick Grayson were immediately thrown out in favor of that old, reliable fear.
He’s near, but you don’t see him.
No. You hear him.
He’s humming. Somewhere behind the tall, untamed shrubbery next to the path, friendly frat boy Dick Grayson is humming an unfamiliar tune, his soft voice smooth as a stone in a river. However, what would probably sound soothing to a normal person instead fills you with a sense of dread. What the hell is he doing out here?! Close to 10 in the fucking night, singing a little tune like some fucking creep?
Then, you noticed it. The sounds of something heavy scuffing against the dirt. Or, rather, dragging.
Behind the bushes and trees, Dick Grayson is dragging something. At 10 in the night.
What the actual fuck.
Curiosity is a dangerous thing. As much as you sure as hell wanted nothing to do with whatever he’s doing, a dark voice in your brain — which sounded a bit too close to Dick Grayson’s voice — urged you to look. Come on, just a peek. This bastard’s been playing mind games with you all semester, hasn’t he? Don’t you wanna know what his intentions are for sure? I mean, what kind of a frat boy hangs out in the bushes while he could be out partying on a Friday night?
Isn’t this just weird, (Y/N)?
Before you even knew it, your feet were moving on their own. Gentle steps. Avoid the twigs, avoid the leaves. Do not let him hear you. With a feather-light touch, your hand steadied itself against a nearby tree as you used it for cover.
A few long, quiet breaths. Just to calm your nerves.
Then, you slowly craned your head out from behind the tree.
There he was, slightly hunched over with his back facing you. He had a fist full of something, though you couldn’t tell quite what it was due to the night’s shadows. Dark, inky stains caked his sweater, and while the naïve part of your brain wanted to call it mud, the dread in your gut knew better. You craned your head out a bit further to get a better look at the scene.
A body. In front of Dick Grayson’s hunched over form was a body lying face down. His fist was clutching its hair, assumingely dragging it by the head from… wherever. The new angle also gave you the advantage of seeing Dick’s other hand, clutching what looked to be a hammer cover in… definitely not mud.
He was still humming. That bastard was still humming after doing whatever the fuck he did to that poor person. That person… Dick finally stood up straight, lifting the head with him by their hair… that girl. It was the same one who had the allergic reaction. Bloodied and with a dented forehead — god, you were going to be sick — but you knew it was her. She was limp in his grasp, swaying aimlessly as Dick rotated her a bit as though he was admiring his own handiwork.
He killed her.
Dick Grayson killed her.
You didn’t move. Christ, how could you after seeing something so horrific? The alarm bells in your head were much louder than your own heartbeat, screaming for you to run run run run runrunrunRUNRUNRUNRUN—
His head suddenly swiveled towards you.
No more humming as his gaze found yours.
The two of you were locked in a stalemate, staring at each other with such intensity. Those icy blue eyes held no readable emotion, not even a hint of surprise that you caught him in the act. No; he just stared at you, one hand holding a fist-full of hair and the other absently fiddling with his hammer.
A sly smirk slowly broke out on his face.
He knew you were watching the entire time, didn’t he?
Because he is a plotting piece of shit, isn’t he? This has always been a game of cat and mouse to him, and he knew you were on to him since the beginning. That friendly, charming exterior… the disappearances. Goddamnit, you were fucking right.
Something is so off about Dick Grayson.
And no one will believe you.
#❥ CALL INCOMING: DO YOU LIKE SCARY MOVIES?#❥ TW: YANDERE#❥ PLATONIC YANDERE#❥ ROMANTIC YANDERE#❥ YANDERE DICK GRAYSON#❥ YANDERE DICK GRAYSON X READER#❥ GN READER
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more haikyuu characters i think would be friends as adults (PLATONIC! I WILL SELF-IMMOLATE BEFORE I BREAK UP MY FAV SHIPS)
bokuto + ushijima
- first of all, part of my reasoning is that it would be funny as fuck
- HOWEVER: bokuto is kinda gullible, takes a lot of what he’s told at face value without questioning it. he’s honest and open about his emotions
- ushijima is VERY literal, also takes things at face value, and doesn’t generally understand other people if they aren’t being direct
- bokuto’s inability to keep anything to himself would actually be helpful for ushijima
- he’d never be confused about bokuto’s emotional state which (as we know) is not something he would pick up on unless he was told
- bokuto would also benefit from being around someone who was incapable of sparing his feelings (ego probably would take a hit at first, but i think as an adult he’d be more capable of handling it)
- also bokuto is insanely social so he wouldn’t stop trying until he and ushijima were friends
- bonus: he’d get to hang out with tendou which would be fun for him
tendou + tanaka
- they are both insane
- high energy, like messing with people, weird hair
- somewhat self-centered but still socially aware
- i think tanaka would find tendou entertaining and i think tendou would find tanaka funny
- also the potential for them fucking with people to an honestly diabolical degree? yeah, i’m sat for that
- i think they would both mess with ushijima, but i don’t think they’d ever actually be mean— and they’re smart enough to know some of their friends should be left alone (…iwaizumi….daichi….oikawa but only because oikawa would put an honestly neurotic effort into getting revenge—which could only be learned through experience)
nishinoya + kuroo
- i mean… i feel like this one is obvious
- obsessed with themselves, enjoy causing chaos
- kuroo is so much smarter than noya but noya is more unpredictable so…they could definitely be a dangerous combination
- smarter than the tendou + tanaka duo because, like, kuroo
- kuroo would probably take advantage of how willing noya is to do dumb shit and get noya to do his stupidest ideas (noya would not realize he was being strategically convinced, also he probably wouldn’t even care if he knew because he was having fun)
- also, absolutely would be each other’s wingmen. probably with asahi and kenma. can almost guarantee they would NOT be good at this and the other men would just find it confusing
akaashi + kenma
- said in my prev post about this, i think akaashi would be friends with kuroo because they took of kenma and bokuto in high school so have a shared (ish) experience
- he’d be friends with kenma for different but adjacent reasons
- they’re both somewhat quiet and reserved but capable of being sarcastic or harsh if the situation requires it
- dating bokuto and kuroo (IN MY WORLD THEY ARE. ITS REAL TO ME!!!)
- anyway, both dating people with VERY different levels of extroversion who like to spend time together
- can sympathize with the sensory overload that is being around bokuto and kuroo at the same time
- BokuAka & KuroKen double dates??? yeah bro. bokuto’s idea, kuroo talks kenma into them.
- they’d probably enjoy watching Bokuto and Kuroo entertain themselves when they all hung out even if it was overwhelming
- ^^^ both of them have a much shorter social battery so would be allies in the situation (if they don’t want to talk, they hide from everyone in silence— my mental image is them quietly doomscrolling in the same room, or kenma playing video games while akaashi reads a book or something— point being, i think they’d be able to be around each other comfortably without it feeling like actual social interaction)
edited for spelling :-)
#haikyuu headcanons#hq headcanons#haikyuu#bokuto koutarou#ushijima wakatoshi#tendou satori#tanaka ryuunosuke#nishinoya yuu#kuroo testuro#akaashi keiji#kenma kozume#kuroken#bokuaka
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cosmic drabbles - 'lover's rock', han jisung x reader
author's note: hello my loves! it has been far too long since i showed up on here. to be honest, i've just had zero motivation and also i've been in the middle of exam season, which is absolutely hectic. i've also got this perfectionist complex where if a story isn't amazingly written or the best work i've done, i won't post it, which consequently means i have tons of drafts! but this one is one of my favourites, and whilst it's unedited and short, it holds a special place in my heart. enjoy x
listen to: 'lover's rock' by tv girl
“Who brings a whole ass guitar to a party?” you giggled, resting your head against the door to your room. The boy glanced over, unfazed, his eyes glossy.
“Who the fuck ditches her own birthday party to go up and paint?” he quipped in response, gesturing at the mess of gouache and paper that littered your desk. You blinked in surprise, walking into your bedroom with your arms crossed.
He offered you a small smile, patting the spot beside him on the carpet as if it was his bedroom. You sat down beside him, leaning into the side of your bed frame. The steel was cold and uncomfortable on your bare back, but it felt soothing. Everything felt so hot and stuffy downstairs, too many people sharing the same air. You’d wanted a break, but just hadn’t kept track of how long it had gone. It didn’t matter. The people downstairs didn’t seem to notice your lack of presence.
“I’m actually not sure why I ended up here,” Jisung admitted, looking around your bedroom. “Your bedroom, I mean. I came with Minho.”
“I know,” you replied. “You’re his best friend. Although you’re literally never at school. I didn’t expect to see you here.”
He nodded. “I don’t like it,” he said simply, and opened his mouth as if to further comment, but decided against it.
“Fair enough. Me neither,” you agreed. You took a sip from your can and handed it to him, and he smiled in thanks.
“So,” you looked down at his guitar. “You play, I’m assuming?”
“Fuck yeah I do, it’s pretty much all I do.”
“You must get a lot of time, considering you’re not at school.”
“Yup. Might as well use it.”
He rifled around in his pocket for a pick and began playing, a very soft tune. Slow, but intentional. You leaned your head against his shoulder, half out of tipsiness, half out of consciousness. He didn’t tense or move or stop playing.
“Lover’s Rock,” you murmured, and his eyes shone in excitement.
He started to sing, very gently, and you joined him. His head rested on top of yours, the vibrations of his throat warm and fuzzy against your cheek.
Minho poked his head through the door, eyes squinted, then smiled.
Neither of you noticed that he was there.
“Wait, I have ‘French Exit’ on vinyl,” you mumbled when Jisung finished, leaning over him to reach for your record player. Jisung looked up at you, eyes sparkling, and your cheeks flushed. You pulled your hand back from your vinyl collection and placed it on his shoulder, pressing your foreheads together.
“Now, how many men have you kissed?” Jisung whispered.
“Very few,” you giggled, playing along.
“But you offered me a kiss, why?”
“Such a foolish reason, I’m afraid,” you sighed, shifting yourself onto his lap. “I just wanted to kiss you.”
He beamed, his smile heart-shaped, and you leaned in, pressing your lips against his, gently, softly.
#cherrybeartoast#cherrybearwrites#cherry writes#stray kids#stray kids imagines#skz#skz imagines#stray kids fic#skz fic#stray kids x reader#stray kids scenarios#stray kids kpop#stray kids oneshot#straykids#seungmin x reader#hyunjin x reader#minho x reader#changbin x reader#felix x reader#jeongin x reader#bangchan x reader#lee know#minho#changbin#seo changbin#hyunjin#hwang hyunjin#felix#yongbok#bangchan
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I appreciate your post about Hen and Athena. I’ve only been around a few months and while there’s been nothing surprising about the continued racism in this fandom (I’m just a tired black woman trying to have a good time), it’s been ridiculous to watch folks double down when called out or think things were cute that were absolutely ridiculous in their execution. Despite having writers of color, this show misses a lot but also the complacency in fandom of not only racism and misogyny but specific misogynoir is just ridiculous. I mourn for fans im sure have just NOPED out bc of how pervasive it is and would have had incredible things to contribute.
Thank you for reaching out! I’m glad you’re here and appreciate sharing a fan space with you. 🫶
I have seen the way racial harassment, racist ideas, and biases have pushed out friends and fan creators. And I have seen how black and brown fans are treated differently for calling attention to issues of racism in fandom. Fan spaces are chronically white, and that is reflected in fan interpretations, the way a fandom engages with a piece of media, and the way white fans interact with black and brown fans.
There is a lot of unchecked racism, ableism, misogyny, and homophobia in 911 fan spaces, and I *know* fans have “noped out” because of its pervasiveness. I believe that these spaces should be welcoming and safe and fun for any fan. People shouldn’t have to worry about whether they’re following “safe” blogs or feel anxiety scrolling through tags and art as they wait to be confronted with racist takes or whitewashed caricatures. And the fact that fan content is created for free is no excuse.
I want fan spaces to be more welcoming, and I think calling attention to commonly held regressive ideas is *one* thing I can do. It’s not the *only* thing I should do, tho. I think it’s important to love black and brown fans and the amazing perspectives they bring more than I hate racist takes. It’s also important to show genuine interest in black and brown creators and reach out to make genuine connections. This is, after all, a community. Making a space welcoming includes showing support for the amazing creators who are here. It’s not just the racist takes and racist interactions that push black and brown fans out, but the disparate treatment their art and contributions receive. Because amazing people *have* been alienated from fan communities, and these spaces feel empty without their voices.
#I had 911 metas and essays and even fics— which I don’t usually write— queued up or posted#and I deleted them all#because I just didn’t want to share with a fandom that loves homoeroticism as a narrative tool#but clearly hates actual queer men like me#I just had no desire to share those things anymore#I’d seen one too many posts#about people stoning Tommy for the way he flirts with Buck#or shooting him#or jumping him#came across one too many metas#that were less a meta analysis#and more a regurgitation of homophobic stereotypes being passed off as canon. morally correct. or an intelligent dissection of the source#I probably have half the fandom blocked at this point - for a variety of reasons#911 ABC
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More thinking about the Jonder (Jon Gender). I imagine Jon discovering it/its pronouns and just being Drawn to them. Jon meets somebody who goes by it/its and can’t stop thinking about it (pun intented) but can never work up the courage to admit it even to themselves so they use they/them in their head or with close friends (read: Georgie) and he/him everywhere else. By the time Jon is ready to use it/its for itself it’s already at the Magnus Institute, a place where they feel a constant need to come off as Professionally As Possible and nobody ELSE is using Neopronouns (for the same reasons as Jon, although it doesn’t know that) and is it even safe to be out as any shade of queer at all so it continues with business as usual pronoun-wise. And then it discovers that it’s turning into an eldritch inhuman monster and its gender feelings get 5000% more complicated.
#obligatory no j//mart or martin since this is going in the main tags and I Do Not Care for either#i don’t mean to be aggressive it’s just unavoidable in the broader fandom but i REALLY want to share my Jonder Thoughts#anyway this IS projection. how could you tell?#only instead of meeting somebody i watched a video where one of the speaker’s used it/its and couldn’t stop thinking about The Pronouns#i still don’t use it/its irl (at least not exclusively)#but they’re what i go by online#and i really really like them#i enjoy feeling like a Creachur living in other people’s phones and computer screens#anyway my thoughts on the Jonder are that Jon is a nonbinary transmasc (possible agender) Just Like Me!!!!#but i embrace and accept any reading of jon (except for cis. i just don’t see it at all. sorry)#i should have a sorting tag for all my jonder posts cause i’ve made a few now#and it matters a lot to me for reasons not unrelated to projection#ok here it is ->#jonder#jon sims#jonathan sims#tma#the magnus archives
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one thing I’ve seen a lot of portwells/ej stans mention is that the wildcats were “bad friends” for not helping ej with his stress/pinning more specific blame on gina for not helping her boyfriend when he was stressed. for one, this is kinda blatantly not true. besides the fact that ej refused to ask them for help (and understandably so) by not revealing that he was director at the beginning of 302 or inviting miss jenn to outsource help, for example, most of them helped him/offered to help in one way or another. gina constantly shared her faith in his abilities and even offered to step back on their relationship while at camp to allow him more free time. val appeared to fulfill a lot of the directing role with casting and helping to organize the readthrough. maddox helped with organizing auditions. carlos (along with val) organized rcosl to help get more drama. I could share more examples but they serve to highlight that when ej was drowning, he was not left at sea. a lot of his stress was intrinsic, and even all the help in the world was going to prevent it because of pressure he imposed on himself. to blame his friends, who were there to have fun, with the only responsibility on their plate being to learn their lines, is a misunderstanding of why he was stressed and how he could be helped. the best thing they could do for him was learn their roles for opening night. in fact, miss jenn literally tells him “if they know their lines, they’ll be fine.” i also wanna mention that ej didn’t really seem to be failing at directing. it was more of a combination of personal doubt and the introduction of the production being filmed. the latter likely placed stress on all of them and there was nothing that they could really do to change that for themselves, let alone ej. anyways, all this is leading up to my main question: what did you guys want the wildcats to do for ej? take on directing parts of the show while also learning their lines in under two weeks? magically find him a way to please his father? the stress that ej was under sucked. but it wasn’t the fault of his friends, nor could it disappear in the presence of sweet words. I just wanted to pose this inquiry to his stans and open it up for respectful debate!
#hsmtmts#ej caswell#ej hsmtmts#idk how to tag I never talk about him lol#I have mixed feelings about ej because he was one of my favorite characters in s1 and 2#but he kinda fell flat in s3 for me idk#but I feel like I understand him on a deep psychological level#this post is also looking to push back on the babying done by ej stans#they refuse to let him be held accountable and place the onus of ALLLLLL his problems on the shoulders of others#sometimes it is other people’s fault#most of the time it’s not#I just wanna understand the reasoning a bit#bc I truly feel there was not much his friends could do but make the musical good in their own ways#and this is not blaming ej#but it’s hard to help someone when they don’t tell you anything#and he’s notorious for bottling his feelings up#and no one can read your mind if you don’t want them to#but anyways#pls share your explanations!!!
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okay I’m annoying yk that and I know that.
I love to see what non bkdk shippers think will happen with the manga, bc this way I can learn and see things outside of my special interest for the chapters. And I was reading some interpretations of Ochako being weird in 425.
Some people are right here expecting izuku to go and support her. Some people saw him being this sad, yet only could think about him worrying about Ochako’s feelings over her fight, not Izuku’s fight. they think this will lead to a beautiful confession, in which she cries how she couldn’t save himiko, that izuku noticed, and that he’ll call her his hero and they’ll kiss. And I can’t help but feel like this is bc he is the boy. Because he is the boy in that ship, he is the one that supports, not gets supported. When I was reading those little scenarios, I thought they would explain deku would cry with her about his own fight and bond over it, or something like that. But no… they believe deku’s strange reactions come from being worried over Ochako only. and it’s so sad, to see how gender expectations are being pushed like that in something as simple as a “what I want to happen in the manga” scenario. It’s sad how people think this is how it should work, when actually that would make me even sadder -as I said, for the most part I didn’t care about that ship, I accepted it as inevitable, but this isn’t fair. Romance irl is not perfect, but in a story for this to be a resolution when the character who hasn’t talked about his feeling keeps not talking about them and just supports her before confessing…
Even hetero relationships should have some balance, right?
EDIT:
someone brought up bkdk lmao. They explained how the confession from ochako could get answered: happy ending is izuku loving her back, bad ending is him saying he likes katsuki, and medium ending him liking mei. I can’t even lmao.
another person argued deli just has shown a brotherly bond with him (weird) and that he only thought of him at that dinner with the Im too blessed, and the last time he followed him was in season 1. people need to learn how to read, and connect the dots, literally. No matter how you see their relationship in canon as platonic or romantic (or queer platonic), it’s clear their bond is strong and that Izuku depends on katsuki as much as katsuki depends on izuku on emotional levels -izuku losing control over and over and over again with him, AFO explaining he is the closest to midoriya, katsuki going towards him no matter how injured he is, looking for each other and the time stops, etc.
this is just canon. There’s no arguing about it. Idk why intimate bonds between two male characters means they are like brothers. Is it bc if they are not related, there’s no way to not see it as gay?/gen but also /s
#grrr talking#I want to make another post about the ways Izu//ocha could have been developed easily#Like extremely easily#What was the reason to give the thing that was supposed to connect ochako to deku#To himiko and ochako#What was the reason to also make that connection an all might keychain which doesn’t hold any weight for her bc she’s not a huge am fan#Why having himiko grab that symbol they now share and cover it completely with her hand#Why not giving izuku another physical symbol of her#Why bringing up the childhood cards instead when we almost knew nothing about them#Why have them be explicitly connected to each other thru a dream they have to share together for it to be worth it#For bkdk to become friends again they didn’t need all of this#You don’t need to share your life n be connected to someone in order to become friends again#Or to atone for the bullying#They could have been shown working to be friends ever since the apology#And have small moments of them trying to just be that#And focus those big efforts into izu////ocha scenes#But no#we get this shit#Wtf#the contrast between Izuku reuniting with Katsuki vs with Ochako is a lot#N it could have been more implied the romance!#Like have him be surprised instead of just sad -it would show he notices she is acting weird n gets worried bc of it#Or have ochako show a bittersweet face like saying pls deku kun don’t make me say it now#So many options and yet#They don’t get disappointed bc it’s a het ship n they believe that makes it canon#JUST LIKE WITH FUCKING TODO///MOMO LIKE ITS CUTE IDC BUT HOW CAN YOU THINK THAT MAKES SENSE FOR CANON#No problem with these fanon ships bUT WHEN THEY ACT LIKE THEY ARE REAL N THE REST R “DELUSIONAL”
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got the posting anxiety bad tonight
#click clack#ok a peak into my thought process and anxiety here we go#ok so the art is almost done and up to standard I would post onto my art blog#BUT for some reason the thought of posting art of my ocs there scares me#because even tho it’s my art blog in my mind it’s the equivalent to a art gallery that demands being detached????? from the art#like once I share it there it’s no longer ‘mine’ but to the public#and my ocs (plus the stories that go with them) are like the closest to my heart and relinquishing them feels like a lot#a part of my imagination that I spent so much time with developing over the years to be placed up for judgement…#so then the solution could be to put it here on my personal! the online space cozy enough and filled with other posts that could easily bury#the original posts I put here#but there goes my other dilemma. i don’t want them too associated with my personal for if one day i do muster up something for publication#my big fear is that ppl will find this space and go thru everything. the fear of being perceived and judged 😵💫#all the hypotheticals and anxiety for something that may not even happen#dumb mind problems my head made up 🙄#anyway writing it out helped lol I’m posting it to my art blog I decided 👍#I have to work on getting that blog to be comfortable space to post… i should lower that silly self imposed standard I set for myself#and be whatever about ppl being aware of my online presences#maybe… [grinding my teeth] I should post my messy sketches onto my art blog…#I should take my friends suggestion and make a website to feature my ocs…🤔#idk my only other solution that doesn’t feel viable to mitigate the anxiety is to slowly introduce my ocs in the background of setting art#just a slow drip until they are in the forefront#bleghhh whatever much ado about nothing it’s like I never posted my ocs ever when I have indeed posted them before on both places ( º_º )#I’m realizing it happens too when I post too much fanart in a row… I have curator disease??? 🫨#or something I used to be very particular about what order I reblog stuff like it used to be by color and content balanced out#I still do to a lesser degree… but it used to be pretty bad#post order compulsion????#the fear of being abrupt and incohesive in between posts…#if you read this far thanks you can now see how much this consumes me 🙃
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Last night I had a dream that I showed hozier my instagram and it was nothing but the song of achilles what kind of disorder do I have
#there’s more to it#but I’m just confused as to why I have instagram in that dream#gonna give you a brief rundown of the full story#I’m back in high school again (ew) and I’m trying to find this class that clearly doesn’t exist#I ask around I ask teachers I ask staff and no one is giving me anything#then I’m outside and for some reason I see fucking hozier standing there in a janitor’s outfit and I’m like ‘okay he must know the entire-#-school layout’#so I ask him and pull up my phone because the teacher had a complicated name I couldn’t pronounce#but I accidentally open instagram instead???#and I see a bunch of posts about tsoa and just get distracted and then we’re both looking at it and then I wake up very confused#anyways#I don’t think any of you care but I wanted to share this#I think it’s because I was listening to my cd yesterday#whenever I listen to that cd he enters my dreams#I’m sure there’s no implications to that
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On tumblr when you post you’re just playing Russian roulette with your post getting attention, but it’ll probably get ignored.
On Reddit any comment you make outside of some very niche community will immediately have someone downvoting you and calling you like, three different insults. Then they will wonder why you only log in every couple months. Like, it’s a very helpful website when you have a question for another community you’re in, but you’ll also get someone being immediately hostile when you make an innocuous post on a garden subreddit 😑
At least on tumblr people have to actually seek out your random ass text posts and go out of their way to start shit, and you don’t have the up and down vote system that feels like playing with my self confidence and worth issues.
Both websites are toxic part of the time (what social media isn’t?) and both are actually more useful for weird people, but holy shit does Reddit feel more aggressive about shit. Maybe it’s just the devil you know, but at least on this mess of a website half your hate will be for the most random shit and misunderstandings that people have to seek out finding if your blog is a normal size. Reddit is either posting on a dead sub or getting immediately thrown to the, well, sharks and wolves aren’t actually super aggressive towards humans under normal circumstances, so something else that could tear you apart instantly for just existing in the same space as them.
#emma posts#there’s a reason i stopped spending as much time on that site#multiple actually. but one of them is that website is like ‘rsd trigger simulator’#and tumblr is like ‘how dare you say we piss on the poor’#everyone is an idiot in both places. but one is instantly more volatile#it’s preactically on sight#other social media is mostly being used by me to post my art or talk to irl friends and family#some of those sites are wild. but not in such an instant way#provided you aren’t huge or have some internet hate stalker#my first deviantart account was wild like that. you phrase something awkwardly at the age of 13 and you suddenly have one or two 16ish year#olds stalking you and telling you to Kys and threatening your family#but that was in the old days. haven’t run into that in years#but seriously. whoever those people were. I hope you feel like shit about those past actions#especially because that 13 year old had made art and posts about her depression 😑#and irl bullying#I hope you got better. sincerely. but if not? die#jk. but still#actually. no. if you’re still telling people that sort of thing try it on yourself#i don’t have a twitter. I don’t plan on getting one. but I’ve heard that’s toxic too. but for the brief time I did try it years ago I was#just ignored by most people#I also like websites where you can share other posts with followers but that might be because one of my first socials was facebook#Facebook is still useful for local stuff. but it’s not as anonymous I guess#even on Facebook though it feels somewhat less ‘on sight’ attacking#but gods. the ‘piss poor reading comprehension’ website is so much more comfortable than the ‘dog piled for asking about a plant’ website#and the ‘just block them’ culture is so useful#i make a post on Reddit like ‘anyone know of houseplants that are like this?’ and have some dude downvote me and respond like#‘are we supposed to be your servants’ like dude. just ignore the post if you don’t want to answer the question#and I’m not touching anime subs with a 10ft pole#looked at one once and went ‘never touching that again’
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JDIEOSKS WHY DOES EVERY PERSON WHO HAVE THE ALIAS LEXI OR WHATEVER SS WITH KAVEH
#like Hals lex alr annoys me LMFAO it’s like that name alr gives me bad vibes#sorry I’m gate keeping BUT ITS LIKE THEYRE ALL DUPES OF ME CAUSE WDYM YOURE ARO ALSO ….#yes that’s right even tho they’re older than me I’m the original LMAO cause I’m just ✨✨✨ yk !#kidding kidding THIS POST IS LIGHTHEARTED (not rlly but it mostly is !!!)#I just hate anyone who has lex in their name sorry 😞#dora daily#omg wait block button is free … thank god for that >:D#I think the thing that is the actual reason I’m annoyed cause they say shit like I don’t share uhmmmm sorry to break it to you girlie but#these characters weren’t made for you you’re not special 😭👍#that’s a big reason why I want to gate keep from those Lexi ppl not only their name annoys me and they’re always somehow into kaveh too ???#but they’re annoying gatekeepers like be fr !!!#because of that kaveh wouldn’t like you anyways ‼️🙄#LMFAO HAHA anyways tldr don’t trust ppl who have lex in their names they’re bad vibes 😞🙏#like man if I had a kaveh buddy why not wouldn’t that be sm fun but naurrrr they had to go be annoying about it 🙄🙄🙄
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idk why tiktok culture is obsessed with being a misogynistic failure. like you want to brag about not being able to read or do math like it’s funny? hire a tutor for gods sake. leave us out of this
#also apparently some musician chick is trying to do a goncharov to advertise her music#can you all just make posts because you like things and want to share them and not actively try to turn people into mindless consumer goop#you fucking bunch of posers#yeah i don’t have tiktok and don’t know i said tiktok culture for a reason#this is what comes across. this is what you look like#it’s horrific and disgusting#just a bunch of posers who are slaves to looking good to the advertisers#my posts
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beaver gnawing on wood noises
#purrs#delete later#this is gonna be a bad / hard post and i’ll have to delete it. like it feels like in making it im invoking cosmic forces to show me karma or#idk like being an ingrate or whatever. but sometimes i find myself on social media rabbitholes looking at instagram pages of.. women who#like really genuinely appear to be good moms to their kids. and love them for who they are and don’t try to make them anything different.#and who celebrate their quirks and stuff. and even share interests with them at the bare minimum. and it just makes me want to sob. like the#knot in my throat. i shouldn’t do it bc i just hurt myself but it’s like. im so lucky i have a mom and that she provides for me. and i know#there are valid reasons for that being all she can do. but also why can’t she… idk.why can’t she ummm love me. or celebrate me. or find#magic in me. or at the very least accept my humanness and be open to me like giving her feedback on stuff. even tonight at this panel this o#one woman was like yeah my two daughters call me on stuff and im like you’re right. if i called my mom on stuff (and i do) she would give me#the silent treatment (and she has) or eviscerate me (and she has). and people in my work life and on here call me endearing and say all#these things. but it’s like none of it can fill up the absolute aching pulsing void that is… my mom. my mom!!!!! is just a person i live#with anr resent most of the time. who has hurt me so badly. and i could have had a mom who like. let me sing and didn’t mock me for it.#and who came in and said goodnight to me and my sister instead of leaving us to o ur own devices because we’re twins and we had each other.#and 14 years ago today was the day that fully cemented in that she could not be that kind of mom and would never be. and i know she tried so#hard and i know she has been hurt and is still hurting. but i just want to scream. like everyone deserves a mom who loves them for who they#are and shit. and how fucking unfair is it that.. like it sounds so selfish and entitled. b it how fucking unfair is it that i got a mom who#im afraid of and then there are people like fucking… m*lissa err*co and sh*ron wh*atley (those are just the famous ones) who by all#appearances seem to be like.. not only loving but open. seeing their children as human and magic all at once. instead of a war prize and a#symbol of their own hardships or whatever. like it’s just so fucking unfair. i hate that this is the way things are for me and that it will#never change and that if it ever does i have to be the one to change it or i have to heal from it and let go of it. like FUCK that! i want#love from my mom! FUCK the fact that she can’t give it to me!!! she has to!!!!!! but she won’t. idk. delete post <3#like so genuinely i should not be even typing these words bc god is gonna smite me now lol. but my heart is howling#and the shitty thing is i don’t think i’ll be able to be that kind of mom if i ever become one bc of how badly all of this has hurt me. and#bc of all that i don’t even think i want to become a mom anymore bc i don’t want to be the reason a child feels this way or grows up to.
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