#I don’t even care abt the people anymore I just don’t wanna have to deal with Spanish as my first class

[goobie-goobert]

What the hell are you doing you look like an idiot

[vivaladicamillo]

I 10000% need some fluff and smut for Ryan Dunn!!!

RYAN DUNN X GN!READER HCS

okok more ryan dunn content bc lord im so whipped for him its not funny anymore, i also think there NEEDS more content of him on here i’ve scrolled to the bottom of the ryan dunn tags and im in need of content tbh, so might as well make my own for other ryan lover like me out there !

WARNINGS: nsfw elements towards the end

——————————————————

SFW:

oh this man is crazy for u

we’ve seen and heard of stories of ryans past relationships

we all know he would literally bend over backwards for u

i feel like hes not to big on romantic things though

like fancy flashy type romantic stuff

date wise he would probably take u either somewhere public like the movies or an icecream shop or like somewhere u genuinely really wanna go

in public though he always had one arm wrapped around u

either around ur waist or ur shoulder or even just holding ur hand

he wants everyone in that mf to know ur his

LOVES TO SHOW U OFF

keep a little photo of u in his wallet

“yah my girlfriend is super hot.”

the guys totally dog on him for it though

everyones just praying ur not like his past relationships

he just has a habit of letting people step over him bc he care abt them too much

but ur not like le that, ur different (hopefully LMAO)

when he started growing his hair out he definitely let u brush it and style it when u could

that man barely knows how to shower on a regular basis hes definitely not brushing his own hair regularly

SPEAKING OF SHOWERS

oh lord jesus christ ur gonna have to make him shower

hes gonna be smelling like a whole can of bounce that ass sometimes

u will probably have to make a deal with him to shower

or just lock his ass up in there and tell him hes not coming out untill he does shower

but honestly if u just ask him politely and nicely he will start trying to smell better and shower more often

anything for u

he loves to kiss u

like all the time, no matter where

in public, in front of the guys, in front of a old persons home, u name it and he’s probably gonna kiss u there

also he loves kissing ur nose, forehead, cheek and ofc ur lips

he also doesnt mind kisses back (lord please kiss his nose he secretly loves it when u do that)

any joke u make will make him do his little goofy laugh

oh and he will do anything to see u laugh or smile

he adore ur smile

he could just admire it for hours on end

i feel like his mom would love u too

ur just his perfect match !

NSFW:

hmm where should i start

i feel like hes a switch but hes more on the dom side

but not like rough and mean

he’s definitely a soft dom

he loves to take it slow, gentle and calm

he wants to enjoy every minute you guys spend together

slow pace but just right yk?

but he also loves it when ur dominant

seeing u above him and seeing u have all the power when it comes to the bedroom just does something for him

he don’t discriminate

LOVESSS when u give him hickeys

he will also give them to you yes ofc but only if hes feeling a bit jealous

he does not like sharing his sex life with anyone

maybe bam but thats a bog MAYBE

ik hes stated before he likes to keep things private

so no risky public sex or threesomes

maybeathreesomewithbambutthatsnot100%

oh he loves to give u head

and hes damn well good at it

he wont stop till u at least have came twice

SPEAKING OF CUM (hehe cum)

his favorite place for him to cum is either on ur thighs or in ur mouth

SHOWER SEX!

probably one of the only ways u can get him to shower

he likes using handcuffs on u though

thats on super rare occurrences

kink wise i think hes not into a lot

maybe hair pulling, spanking but not much else

hes always down to try some stuff though if u really wanted too

just nothing that involves him hurting u or u hurting him

i also feel like hes not one to joke during the deed

unless u both are in a silly mood then maybe theres some giggling and jokes

but otherwise he wants it to be more intimate and loving

PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE ALL DAY

“ah yes ur doing so good for me baby.” “u look so good with my cock inside u darling”

i feel like hes into being called a title

like sir or master (maybe)

i feel like he would be icked out by daddy though

his after care is amazing though

you want him to run u a bath? get u food, drinks? a magically gay unicorn? hes getting it for u no matter how tired he is

LOVES TO CUDDLE AFTERWARDS

he thinks its so cute when u fall asleep in his arms first

he just loves u so much and wants to see u happy

if ur happy and satisfied hes happy and satisfied

—————————————

hope u enjoyed!! i kinda just did a bunch of cute and spicy headcanons for this bc i just wrote another ryan fic abt a similar topic sooooo yea!

[sonikkublue]

Sorry if I’m spamming your au itches my brain so much so I’m just gonna put a few questions into one ask!

How would Mr H react if someone like killed tails or at least seriously hurt him to the point he was unconscious? (I wanna do an angsty drawing of them so bad)

What is team chaotix doing in this au? Are they working with knuckles or something? Like if knuckles is a private detective they work other smaller cases as a team while knuckles takes on bigger ones ect.

What’s eggmans deal in this au? Like is he like a rival Mafia Boss or something who’s trying to take him down?

Do Blaze and silver exist in this au? cause the whole being from the future and an alternate dimension thing, or are they just regular people in the same dimension instead?

Do like tails parents know that he’s been taken in my a mafia boss or do they not know and don’t care? Even if they did I doubt sonic would let them take his son

In that one comic where Mr H gets tails to shoot the guy their interrogating is that the first time tails shot someone or did it happen before? And when did Mr H decide that his son needed to know how to shoot someone?

Is tails just desensitised to violence after being surrounded by it for so long or is he a little nervous around violent things/people?

Sorry for the spam I’m just rly curious about this au cause I love it sm, your AU is really cool and so is your art!! Keep up the amazing work man cause I genuinely adore what you do!

Hey dw!! I love answering ppls questions, especially urs!! No need to apologize👍 I rly appreciate ur love for my au, it rly does make me happy!! tyvm!!!

Now let's see...

That, I want ppl to see thru illustration. I have better experience showing ppl than explaining it to them hehe but go wild with what you see happening!! I would love to see what u come up with >:)

Actually I've been thinkin abt that tbh. I have a couple ideas, but idk who I can approve of them with since it's just me workin on this LMAO I'll come to a conclusion at some point >:) But for now, let's just say that that Chaotix are like Knuckles' deputies to the sheriff- but Knuckles mostly takes bigger cases, and cases itself alone... meanwhile the Chaotix takes smaller ones

Yes, Robotnik is in fact a rival to Mr. H!! thru business tho, nothing more. Eggman goes by "Robotnik" in this au (thinking of changing his name cuz who knows) but Eggman is used as a little insult from Mr. H, but "Eggman" isn't taken in by Robotnik, since he wants to be respected

I've been thinkin abt something for Blaze, but idk abt Silver tho. I haven't been doin much thinkin on them tbh

I've already settled with a plan for Tails' parents, so you'll have to wait and see >:)

I actually don't wanna consider that one 'canon' more like a shitpost sort of thing- but then again I can use that as an excuse for Mr. H teaching his son how to use a weapon for protection, by letting him shoot his debtors by using them as dummies LMAO

Mr. H actually keeps Tails away from violence and stuff. Cuz if it's one thing that Mr. H wants for his kid, is a childhood. He knows that littlest things of violence, or wrong choice of words can stick with a child, and form as a way of mental/verbal trauma. So Mr. H tries his best to keep his son away from that stuff. Mr. H actually covers this said violent stuff up, by explaining it in a much more 'friendly' way, and silly too. Makin it fun for the kid, yaknow?

Also tysm, i rly appreciate ur love for my au!! Again, no need to apologize!! I love getting and answering questions, and if u have anymore, just lemme know!!👍

[possibilistfanfiction]

hi i just wanted to say thank you for writing about queerness the way that you do - it’s incredible and has been immensely helpful to me lately. like i’ve agonized over wanting a haircut and a binder and to change my pronouns and have never had the courage to do anything about it, but reading your stuff is making me want to go through with it all. i had to pause a few times as i read your most recent piece (ava’s pov of butch bea) because i was overwhelmed with relief seeing ava and bea want that stuff too. i didn’t realize wanting it could feel so freeing. like i’ve never seen queer people written like that before, and never knew i needed to see it until now. it’s helped me feel okay about wanting the aforementioned things, and also okay about not knowing what i want or how i want to be. all around your fics are so healing and enlightening as far as gender and sexuality go, and gender and sexuality aside they are also flat out masterpieces. i cannot even begin to describe how much they, as well as your other posts on the subject, mean to me. thank you so much

:) thank u!

& i will say that i have spent the better part of the last 15 or so years just vibrating around trying to figure out what makes me feel good, especially in my body & how others perceive it. which is really hard! but trying stuff rocks — i figured out i wanted top surgery but not to transition in other medical ways bc i got a binder! the peace i felt with one felt right, & then i got to explore from there. i have had … so many haircuts lol & most of them have been good! (imo everyone deserves to buzz their hair at least once & just. deal with it lmao. a rite of passage.) now i don’t give a fuck about “what side of the store” clothes are on bc i know exactly what i want clothes to fit & feel like, & i have a tailor, so i just pay more attention to fit & fabric than i do any “men’s” or “women’s” demarcations, especially when most of the places i shop are mostly just vaguely androgynous earth tones anyway lol.

(of course this is with the caveat that there’s enough safety/financial stability but) try everything! especially stuff that’s not at all permanent!

there’s no way i would know what makes me happy & peaceful now if i didn’t try stuff in the past! do i want to wear button downs & chinos & have ppl call me sir?? no i would rather pErish. but did i always know that! of course not, & i got to have the space to try how that would feel. i definitely also know that i never want people to think i’m straight (lol but ppl are stubborn); i had a weird summer bc my hair was rly long, which i loved, but then started to feel just dissonant about… occasionally a little panicked by? (in addition to some transphobic nonsense thru work, which ofc doesn’t help). but once i sat down & was like what the fuck is going on — & felt safe enough to just sit for DAYS in dysphoria to try to figure out the root of it — i was like oh ok cool, easy, i can fix this. i knew i didn’t want to cut my hair rly short again (probably never again or at least for a Long Time, i don’t like ppl thinking i’m a man), but i didn’t wanna keep it long, so i was like ok great, stupid masc bob here we come, & my hairstylist is queer & has a soft butch wife, so i was set lol. but without getting to have space for the past decade to just try things, & to learn how to sit in dysphoria thru therapy rather than just Run Away from the feeling every time, that would’ve been a lot harder to navigate. i used to be VERY adamant abt they/them pronouns but i don’t feel that way anymore, & nothing earth shattering happened or has happened, i just… don’t care. i care more abt my privacy & agency than abt disclosing identity & experience than i do a pronoun, & so i get to make that choice whenever i want, which has been rly wonderful. & getting to try things will help you learn where ur most comfortable, especially as u continue to grow & change.

& like… it’s fun! queerness is so fun! i think beas queerness is fairly ~fraught~ canonically for obvious reasons but in any universe it’s nice to just let her take a fucking breath. kiss a girl, put on a hoodie, cut your hair, take a nap by the beach. it’s not so serious, not all the time. & ava is just FUN, her queerness is so so bright. to me it’s always just seemed like she was never Not queer bc ava has so much life to live & so so much to discover abt herself & the world. she’s falling in love with everything all the time, & with Wonder! & of course that includes queerness! it’s at the center of it bc it’s who you are & who you love, but it’s also just… people, & connection. i used to write rly angsty shit abt being queer & in moments of indulgence i do still enjoy a romp ofc to flex those wow sin & hell & an orgasm being so holy muscles lol, but queerness is my everyday life, & it shows up in the soft happy places more than anywhere else.

anyway, try everything!! especially a binder (bind safely!!!!!) & pronouns, even just online or w a few of ur ppl. if there’s a word you like for your identity, try writing it somewhere or just telling a friend (i texted my best friend that i liked the word ‘dyke’ a lot after having made ‘dyke on main’ jokes abt myself for ten years … we both just laughed). & of course haircuts & clothes are so fun, & they should get to be fun!

but even beyond that (& part of why i think ppl like reading stuff i write, maybe?) is that like so much healing for me in pleasure & peace in my queerness is so tied up in those same feelings abt … everything. food! sex! moving my body! my home! small acts of service! luxury! softness! skincare! the ocean! like whew, waking up & being like this brings me quiet joy, mary oliver was RIGHT, just lets the whole world kinda shimmer. not loudly, not in any remarkable way, but eating good food & having a good beer with someone who sees you for who you are; fresh flowers in the vase; LINEN PANTS; the dog asleep at your feet — all of those things to me are both queer & holy, inextricably together in my life. my wife’s queerness is very compatible w her religion & spirituality, & that’s rly rly beautiful to get to be around. queerness is abt deep care, too, in small ways: checking up on a friend after top surgery, still masking indoors, keeping my dog on lead unless i know her recall will be perfect. it shapes every part of my life. to me the mundane is the most glorious thing, & i have figured things that i love bc, for as scary as trying stuff can be (what if people see me? what if i hate it?) — you know, the most important question: what if you love it?

[doctormage]

anyway I wanna finish the show first (n we only have like 5 eps left!!) before deep diving into my Thoughts but I will say. I wish they’d given more thought to how the soul/lack thereof works with vampirism. this got rly long so have a read more

bc sometimes it’s like, no a vampire is just a human shell for a demon! (which is what they usually SAY, and what is shown most clearly w angel/angelus. especially when he has his soul and references the demon still inside him at least once that I can clearly recall - when they use that demon to kill the bad guy in that one halloween episode)

but sometimes it’s like, no it’s the same person as when they were human, they just lack humanity. (which iirc is never actually said, but imo VERY frequently implied with spike. esp now that I’ve seen the ep where he changes his mom to try and save her & she’s awful to him, and he’s viscerally disturbed by it. like, that’s still his mom to him. he still cared about her and wanted to help her. even tho he’s not william anymore, just a demon wearing his skin? make it make sense!!)

(the vampire version of his mom even SAYS he’s the same and always will be!!! like!!! is he just a special case bc he was THAT sensitive as a human lmfao help!!!)

it raises a lot of questions abt what makes a person themselves that I don’t think they quite took into consideration continuity-wise? like they SAY the demon can have the same mannerisms and memories as the person, but it’s still not the person they were. that’s a very frequently-made point when buffy is coming to terms w the fact that she’ll have to kill angelus.

so ok then, what makes the person. a functioning conscience? if the ~soul~ makes them who they are, what makes the demon NOT-them, besides that conscience? they have the same body, same memories, and (occasionally) elements of the same personality.

it just feels like fraught logic used to make the angel/angelus distinction very strict, but isn’t really applied to spike beyond the initial whiplash of seeing his human self vs who he is now. angelus couldn’t love someone but angel could, because he has a soul. so why can spike love people?? even if poorly? my first impression of him was that he was super devoted and loyal to dru!! what does it mean!!

and further! I find it really hard to believe spike did all the good things he did (as a demony vampire! sans soul!) exclusively bc of the chip. the chip prevented him from hurting people, it didn’t force him to help people. it’s rly how he is around dawn that sends this home for me bc yeah, buffy would’ve hated him if he put dawn in danger. but idk man! I don’t think a soulless demon’s hots for her inherently overrides his desire to not be tortured and killed by glory! and he continues to look after dawn even when buffy is dead!! why bother if the “reason” you’re being good isn’t even around to “reward” you for it!! idk!!! and that’s just ONE example like……please help

(I don’t want to talk about the Fuck Shit bc I was more than a little traumatized but idk. why would a soulless demon go out of his way, through much trial and torture, to get his soul back? genuinely I don’t understand how all this fits in. if humanity is something that can be learned and practiced, as it seemed to be with spike at the time, what is it about a soul that changes you so drastically? that then you innately have a conscience rather than one you have to actively choose to develop? these are not rhetorical Qs I’m truly not understanding the whole deal AND why a soulless demon would want to get his soul back. if he was so evilbad and incapable of love. which they imply is due to the soullessness. hello)

anyway I didn’t mean for this to become spike propaganda but he is unfortunately the reason I can’t rly grasp the show’s concept of the soul re: vampires. I know the real answer is that they just didn’t think it through (as a video game player and show watcher and book reader I am aware that this is USUALLY the answer) but!!! it fucking plagues me

[candyscorns]

I just hate being alive and hate being me and hate being gay and bate being fat and hate being here and hate. I just hate. I hate everything because everything is stupid to me. And i just wanna die because i have being alive because there’s no point. Because i compare myself to everyone around me even still. I am 19 and i compare myself to wveryone around me. Because why do i look the way that i do. It dorsnt make any fucking sense. Shy can i not starve myself shen it was so easy for me a year ago. Why can i not cut myself when i could do it so effortlessly a year ago. Whh do i have to drink. Whhy can i noy just go. Everytime i drink i justs tell the sky let this night br my last. I just hate beinv here. I hate everything so mucb especially mysef. I just wanna cut my body into shreda and get every ounce of everything physival i hate and throw it in acid or something i just wanna die. Nobody cares about me and thats okay because thats the way that i want it. I dont want anyone to care abt me because the. I can lill myself and no one would give it a second thought. Like i genuinely dont care that no one cares abt me it makes me hPpy in a sense to think about the fact that they dont. I canre for so many people so deeply and webn i kill myself I’ll take that care with me people always say to the grabe I’ll tale ig to the grave and the warm pits of hell woth me. Im so thankful to everyone ive met on my journey in this shitty life. Weveryone that wamde it just a little bit better and a little bit brighter. Everyone that i didsapinged sith my stipid fucking actions. Everyone ghat i let down. Im so grayefull to have crossed paths with them and i h will always have the utmost love and respeect for them abd wish them nothing but the absolute best in theis crueld shitty world. I just hate me and i hate being here and i hate comparing myselfy still after all these years because thats the main toof of everything is this stupid fucking comparison that i have foing on. If i looked like her or her then I wouldn’t fucking complain. I don’t complain. Not outwardly. I couldn’t do that. Not in the way that i am right nowz . I just wanna be skinny and idc if thats at the expense of my health or happiness i just wanna be skinny and weightless and skin and bone. And because of how i rat i know that can’t happen and so i just choose to settle for deathz. Suicide. It seems so stupid with me being 19 but its just how i feek. I just hate being alive because i have so much stupid shit to deal with that i would just rather not and nobody cares so it makes it so easy for me to gove yp. And for some stupid none xistsent reason i make a concioys decision everyday to live. And i dread every mombet of it so I chose to ignore the fact that i chose to live and do what i can to pretend that I didn’t make that decision. Ive been saying that I’ve been living through me for them lately but if im being homest. I’m sabotaging myself by staying here. Why an i still here. Why have i not killed myself yet. They don’t care about me. And thats okay. I’m not mad at them about that. I cant ve mad at then. They cared for a long time they cared. They showed me loge and gave me strength when i was ay some of my lowest points. They encouraged me and gave me hope. They were the sun in my storm. They did what they didn’t even have to and i will be forever grateful to thwm for that. But i choose to beliebe that it got to a point where the shit that i was choosing to dos to myself that was hatmful and or detrimental took an effect on them and thats okayz. That thye felt like they had to prioritize them and do wahts whas good for them by forgetting me. I asked them to anyways. All of then i asked them to just stop worrying and caring about me. And i think they finally saw me the way thT i see me. I just wnana. Die u wasont wanna be bere anymore i really dont. I just hate here. And i hat emd its all just do sstuoid. And i just eanna go. And i just wnana bee okasy but no. Instead i stay here miserables aafstuck for no reason.

[vrisrezis]

The worst thing abt being with certain characters ? Write ur favs ! Bnha preferably

Bakugou is very jealous and not in the funny cute way. Sure, it’s funny and cute the first couple times but after awhile it becomes repetitive. It’s often, and it can be exhausting. You may feel like he doesn’t trust you as well because of it, in reality he’s just scared of losing you but he can’t confront it properly.

Kirishima tries so hard to do everything for the both of you. It’s sweet how considerate and selfless he can be, but you just wish he would let you shoulder his burdens like how he shoulders yours. He’s your rock, (literally) but on a whole other level and he won’t ever let you return the favor. It sometimes feels like he doesn’t trust you. Maybe one day he will open up, since being honest is manly.

Kaminari doesn’t listen and he forgets a lot of things. He tries to listen, he really does. But he just can’t sometimes. Whether it be because he’s too busy admiring how attractive you are or because what you’re talking about is too goddamn boring, he can’t focus on the words coming out of your mouth. He may forget important things that he didn’t mean to forget and it comes across as him just not caring. He cares so much but he’s extremely forgetful, unfortunately.

Todoroki is perfect. The worst thing about being with him isn’t even him, it’s his father. Even after he redeemed himself, he’s very hard on you. He believes his son deserves only the best, the strongest. You have to deal with his father constantly, it’s extremely tiresome and the worst part is you have to keep it to yourself.

Dabi lies, a lot. Even when he starts being himself and becomes open and vulnerable, that takes a very long time and he has a terrible habit of lying to you. If you’re not a villain alongside him, you have no idea about his double life. Even if you are? He doesn’t tell you what he’s up to while he’s gone. He truly means well, behind the mask is a soft and caring man, in his own way. But through and through he’s a liar. Even you don’t know his true identity for the longest time.

Shigaraki… where do I even begin? He’s exhausting to deal with, he’s childish to a fault. When you argue he expects you to apologize and he doesn’t ever think he did anything wrong. He’s extremely insensitive, and it takes a huge fuckup for him to realize he did something wrong and even then is too embarrassed to apologize. When he’s mad he’s not against yelling at you and saying he’ll kill you (even though he doesn’t mean it). Through and through you’re dating a man child.

Toga is pretty perfect in a relationship, if you ignore the fact she’s crazy. She’s very obsessive and jealous, and would definitely kill anyone that she felt showed any romantic interest in you, even if you two were friends. Makes her sound like a yandere but.. yknow.. I guess she kinda is? Her obsessive nature makes her overbearing to be with at times and it can feel isolating.

Hawks is swarmed by fans constantly, and many fans can be flirtatious. He tries to make sure the public eye likes him, so he often flirts back so there’s no hard feelings. You know he doesn’t like those people at all, but it can still be frustrating to see him flirt with random people. On top of this, he probably keeps your relationship a secret. He does it to protect you, but you can’t help but feel like this relationship isn’t important to him.

Sero is practically perfect, however when he’s feeling a particular emotion he assumes things. If he were to get jealous, it’s rare, but when he is he assumes you don’t like him anymore. When he’s sad he assumes you think he’s a pathetic failure, and etc. once you talk to him about it though, he tries to understand that it’s just in his head. It’s hard not to act upon these feelings though.

Mina is just .. a bit much at times. She constantly wants to go out and will not understand you if you just wanna stay home and chill out for once. Mina likes to be out and about, so you will find she lacks the understanding of just wanting to relax. But honestly is that really that bad compared to the others.

Jirou is not the most open and vulnerable, as it’s very hard for her to be. She will open up if needed but you have to coax her into opening up. She won’t voice her affections, and tries her hardest to remain stoic despite the blush on her cheeks. It may feel like she doesn’t trust you at times, because she’s very open with momo. However, she just had a hard time because she likes you so much.

Ochako gets very insecure, which isn’t a bad thing or anything until you consider the fact that she gets insecure over very small things. She gets insecure if you don’t call her certain pet names that day or something else pretty small and she thinks the worst possible thing and tries to avoid you.

Momo doesn’t do it on purpose, but she may make you feel guilty since she constantly wants to do things for you and constantly wants to buy you things as well. She absolutely refuses to let you do things for her at all, it’s only cause she loves you though, of course. But sometimes she makes you feel like she’s infantilizing you.

Monoma is just exhausting in general, but you kinda know what you signed up for when you started dating him. Due to his inferiority complex, he gets jealous very often. He tries not to resort to his.. usual self.. especially since he tries to act different when you’re around but sometimes he can’t help but gossip and shit talk people he’s jealous of, even if they’re close to you. It just gets exhausting to constantly hear about people you’re close to.

Shinsou is pretty much the perfect boyfriend so honestly the worst thing about dating him would probably be what people say about him and his quirk. It can be upsetting hearing people think of your boyfriend as a villain or somebody will villain potential, especially when you know him to be different and much more kind than what meets the surface.

[shingia]

can i req suna,, akaashi and iwa (and anyone else u want!!) getting jelly abt the s/o hanging out with another guy and being touchy (like the playful smacking or smth) without knowing the guy was their brother? angst to fluff bc i want the ✨ pain ✨ if u dont wanna its fine too,,

thanks bby,, love ur works so much! stay safe and healthy 😫💗

✗ HQ BOYS GETTING JEALOUS OF A GUY WITHOUT KNOWING HE’S YOUR BROTHER ✗

me receiving a request : 🥰 the request including suna :🤩 tysmm bby stay safe and healthy tooo <3

-> suna, iwaizumi, akaashi

-> angst to fluff

-> reblogs help a lot <33

— SUNA

• he hadn’t asked many questions when you told him you couldn’t come over to his house in the afternoon. but now, as he was replaying your snapchat story for the sixth time, he really wished he did

• maybe if he had insisted on coming with you, you wouldn’t have let this guy - that he had never seen, for the record - act so touchy with you

• was it his fault for not making you feel special enough ? to the point that you preferred the company of other men rather than your own boyfriend’s ?

• just the thought of this was enough to make a few of his usually well-hidden insecurities bubble up - most of them due to what his friends always joked about « suna doesn’t care enough to be in a relationship, they’ll all run away after a week ! »

• so yes, suna was hurt, but you didn’t have to see that. your opinion on him was the only one he cared about, he didn’t want to tarnish it. well... your opinion and his little sister’s, who burst into his room as he was about to watch your story for the seventh time to tell him that « someone’s at the door ! »

• not feeling like getting out of bed, it took him a few minutes to drag his feet to the door before finally opening it. and of all the people he could have expected to see, you were the last of them

• « surprise ? » you smiled as you let yourself in, not noticing the surprised look on his face as you greeted him with a tight hug. « i felt bad for cancelling our afternoon together, so i asked my brother to drop me off »

• you weren’t even done talking that suna had already recognized the man in the car that was leaving his driveway. his embrace immediately softened, and a smile crept on his face as he felt all his doubts vanish in a second

• « nuh-uh, don’t take your jacket off beautiful, i’m taking you out », he told you, determined to spoil you in the way he regretted not doing sooner

• at his words, his sister almost magically appeared next to you, coat in hand and ready to go. « you weren’t planning on leaving without me, right ? » she flashed you a toothless grin, grabbing both your hand and his to drag you two outside

• suna shared a deadpanned look with you, « of course not... » you both said in unison as she was already leading the way to her favorite ice cream shop

— IWAIZUMI

• iwa’s trust in you was infinite. but something about the way this guy had his arm playfully wrapped around your shoulders didn’t sit right with him

• his practice had ran late and he was exhausted. but he had promised you he would pop over to the birthday party of your childhood best friend, knowing how much it mattered to you

• but your behavior looked an awful lot like an attempt at making him jealous... and it was working

• was it your way of letting him know that you two weren’t working anymore ? were you just too much of a coward to be clear about it ? he hated to think about you that way. and most of all, he cared about you too much to not step in

• « ok now you got my attention » he told you after pulling you to the side. « if you want to tell me something, go ahead, i’m listening »

• still trapped in the euphoria of the moment, you didn’t really understand how upset he was. but maybe it was for the best, because it allowed you to defuse the tension lightheartedly : « i can’t believe i forgot to introduce you ! » you let out as you dragged him back to where your brother was still standing

• his jaw still clenched, iwa couldn’t even bring himself to shake this stranger’s hand, as friendly as he looked. at least not until you spoke your next words : « he was actually telling me how excited he was to finally met his future brother-in-law ! »

• iwa’s lips slightly parted in confusion, you could almost hear the cogs turning in his head over the music. brother? well that explained a lot of things

• « h-hi, sorry i was... miles away » he apologized before finally shaking the hand your brother was holding out to him

• but once the surprise had passed, another word stuck with him : brother-in-law ? as in « my sibling speaks so highly of you that i’m willing to let you put a ring on their finger even though i have never met you yet » ?

• well, it was good to know that your brother agreed with the plans he’d had for you since day 1...

— AKAASHI

• it was not unusual for akaashi to think that maybe he was not good enough for you. but being actually jealous was a first for him

• he had promised himself to never be too overprotective of you. but the facts were here : it was 3am and the only thing keeping him up was this unknown feeling of pure jealousy

• if he had not been in such a hurry when he witnessed your lighthearted banter and playful fighting with this man in the afternoon, he would’ve come up to you. introduced himself. maybe asked a few questions. if

• suspecting that this unpleasant feeling would not go away unless he talked to you about it, akaashi found himself dialling your number in the middle of the night

• used to his thoughts polluting his mind at unpredictable hours of the day and the night, your ringer was always on. which is why you picked up after only two rings

• « hi angel, i’m sorry to wake you up, i just... » he started, the clarity of his tone letting you know that he had not slept a wink. feeling his hesitation, you were quick to reassure him « it’s ok keiji. what’s going on ? »

• « who were you with ? i mean- this afternoon ? i don’t think i’ve ever met that guy and i was just wondering if... maybe i should ? »

• sitting up straight on your bed, you felt a weight being lifted off your shoulders. if this was the only thing keeping him awake, he should be able to fall asleep in the following minutes. « i was with my brother. but i understand why you were confused, it’s a normal reaction so please don’t blame yourself for that, alright baby ? »

• the gasp you heard on the other end of the line made you chuckle. akaashi’s voice was much less tensed now : « well in that case, yeah i should probably meet him... if you’re ok with that »

• « i’m more than ok with that » you smiled, placing your phone down on your pillow « wanna stay on the phone for a bit ? »

• « that’d be nice », his voice sounded sleepy already, especially above the familiar sound of his covers being pulled up to his chin

— ATSUMU

• how could he put that in words ? he didn’t even know if he was allowed to be jealous because he knew how often you had to see him deal with his many fangirls

• and that was actually what bugged him the most : that he might have already made you feel as shitty as he was feeling now

• but atsumu wasn’t the type to sit down and seriously open up about his feelings. besides, it was much easier to look like a needy boyfriend rather than a vulnerable one

• so he resorted to what he was best at : physical touch as a way to get your attention

• sneaking up behind you, he didn’t give you any warning before wrapping both his arms around your waist and pressing his chest on your back so much that you almost had to bend over

• he really hoped you would be perceptive enough to understand that he wasn’t just being clingy, but in need of a lot of reassurance. and luckily, it was quick to come :

• « tsumu, let me introduce you my brother » you chuckled, understanding how and why he had been mistaken

• one hand still on your waist, he used the other to greet your brother. atsumu did not really seem fazed by the news. of course he was relieved to know that he had nothing to worry about, but this little experience had still been very eye-opening to him

• after your brother had left to give you two some privacy, tsumu’s grip on your waist tightened, but in a softer way

• « ‘m sorry if i ever made ya cry » he let out, completely out of the blue. you didn’t really understand the meaning of this, but it didn’t matter. your hand found its way to his cheek that you brushed lightly with one finger, admiring the how it was slowly turning red. « being jealous sucks... » he added.

• « it does », you approved, giving him a quick peck on the nose. « but there’s nothing and no one that you should worry about, i promise »

• a fond smile lit up his face. you looked sincere, and he really needed to hear that right now. quick as ever, his hands left your waist to come and rest on your cheeks. both holding each other’s faces, you stared at the other for a few seconds, wondering which one of you would give in to a kiss first

TAGLIST : @toworuu @catwithangerissues @miyumiya @livy384 @k0u-minamo2 @fullsundear @hsjvwq @kelsuuki @hiraeth-z @velvetvirgos @kirishimas-manly-eyeliner @47meow @japanesevenom @geektastic84 @noir-blanches-blog @idontlikeyourjob @seiri-ami @atiny-grl-with-luv @admiringlove @nachotrash @kellesvt @aintyourholy @Moonlaeli @catchmewiddershins @duhsies @devilgirlcrybabiey @crystal-lilac @ijustwantfreenetflix @mimaki @maitenight

[rotshop]

*slams into your inbox* I just read through mag reader and Deimos headcanons again and I love it. I would def be interested in seeing more! (Also are you sure you don’t wanna hold his hand? Even just a little?) -Echo

gonna do a funney little mix of ideas here ,,,,, lol ,,,,,,,, also yes i am sure <333 i go 'hey check out this funny fish' and then i hold his head underwater.

[ tw brief, light violence, body horror and gore / blood ]

context

auditor + mag s/o ;

-OK OK HEAR ME OUT .

-you weren't originally an aahw project. while they're definitely the biggest company of sorts around there's still a few others that are like them but not exactly them hanging around nevada. you happened to be in some facility they decided to raid due to them having some possibly useful information regarding the anti-aahw . she's definitely a little less than enthused to get a call from her agents that she should come check this out but ,, when she lays her eyes on u that immediately melts away

-he's VERY very curious about you. keeps you close which is kind of nice bc it means you're treated pretty well but also it means a lot of being watched. audi just has like. a habit of unconsciously ''''''''studying'''''''' you. they're always noting little behaviors of yours down mentally and asking you little questions abut how you came to be and what abilities you hold.

-believe it or not he actually DOESN'T want you in fights. she knows you're incredibly capable but the thought of you getting too involved in a bunch of clawing and tearing again makes her get uneasy. she just prefers for you to stay by her side, with the excuse that you're a body guard of sorts for her (you aren't, she's got several other, more disposable mags that serve that role just fine.).

-HOWEVER. there is one time where he doesn't get an option in that. a few contractees and dissenters attempted a raid on the base audi was at, hoping to try and get some sort of bargaining chip to make deal with. before they can even really attempt to try and land some sort of hit on them you're already pouncing on the nearest grunt, blood already spurting and painting the walls red in mere seconds of your arrival. it honest to god shocks her into stillness, her just watching motionlessly the entire time, only really moving once to dodge some limb you'd mindlessly thrown her way after tearing it from its socket. WHILE SHE IS IMPRESSED ,,, she still scolds you a little for being reckless while trying to scrub the blood off of you with a wet rag, huffing that 'you could've gotten seriously hurt' if you were any less careful >:/

-however he does do the thng where he like. cups both sides of your face and then presses his forehead against yours. you have to lean down a lot for him to do so but still. sighs a little while brushing his thumb under your eyes and tells you to be more careful from now on.

-auditor is not immune to favoritism and it shows. someone brings it up (shakily, of course) and she just shrugs and goes 'idk what you're talking abt' while petting you who's got your head on her lap. said person promptly gets 'dismissed' after.

-hates whenever anyone tries to put some kind of muzzle on you, even if its just for the jaw dislocation thingy it still makes him go kind of '>:|' . he'll let them for like. a day at MOST (unless you keep trying to get it off, then chances are he's just gonna take it off for you. nobody really bothers asking / trying to get it back on you bc he just sends them a sharp little glare before they even can. if you REALLY need it that bad then he might try and convince you to keep it on a little longer or otherwise take your mind of it, he still feels really bad about it tho . )

sanford + mag s/o ;

- :)

-you two knew each other before he dissented / you became a mag. worked pretty close together and were just close in general !! you didn't know dei super super well since he worked in a different area but you two met a few times and hit it off pretty well.

-anyway ! he doesn't take your magnification well. at all. the first few times he saw you after it were the worst, mostly because those few times were primarily because you were lashing out at agents for one reason or another (mostly maltreatment from guards / people being shitty in general) . for the first while its so obvious that you're just exhausted from what's happened to your body that was NOT meant to become this, that you're tired and on edge from not being allowed any real rest. it makes him feel fucking terrible to see how awful of a state you're in and know that there's next to nothing he can really do to help.

-it especially hits him when he notices the other little changes. there's some specific moment where he's holding onto you far too tightly, clutching at the back of your jacket while he does his best to keep composed. you always had this habit of giving a half jokey hum of some stupid little joke or even just a 'what's wrong, big guy?' whenever he seemed off or tense, he can't help but make note of the lack of real response from you in the moment other than you wrapping your arms around him as well. another time, maybe he tries to make some little inside joke after something reminded him of it, looking back at you with a little smile. it hits him with a special punch to the gut when he notices your confusion, you just can't recognize it. you don't remember it anymore. you don't remember a lot of your old self or interactions anymore.

-you two end up getting split up at one point or another. orginally, he'd planned to run away with you and deimos buut,,, one way or another, you weren't really able to get out. he goes looking for you a bunch but eventually he has to stop when it gets to be too much and he can't find any real sign of you, he's quiet for a long time after it.

-HOWEVER . he does eventually find you in some abandoned warehouse him and the others had planned to look for supplies in. the entire time he's in there he keeps hearing sounds he thinks are just dei or hank but every time he asks or comments on it they just give him a look of confusion or a little 'what are you talking about?' it puts him really on edge, it's worse when he's in one of the further corners, digging through a few boxes and desperately trying to ignore how much it feels like someones there. anyway umm lol its just you ,,,, ehe . it takes him a solid minute to process that its you but as soon as it clicks he's yelling your name and running up to hug you. doesn't even stop to think that you could totally tear him a new one right then and there he's just too happy to see you. dei and hank both come rushing over after hearing him, dei recognizes you too and is just kinda 'oh hey !! friend !! :D' while hank stands there and just kinda stares.

-is able to take you back to base without too much argument from the others. he does his best to fill you in on everything that's happened in hopes you'll explained what happened on your part too. even if you don't he can't be too upset since he's just too gd happy to see you again ,,,, chances are you stick around him a lot . deimos is nice but u don't remember him super well and hank makes you uneasy lmao . its ok he thinks its funny though, just laughs a little whenever you stand in his doorway in silence until he notices you :)

[owen-not-carvour]

not to interrupt the amazing werewolf-curt Thoughts,, but i have done Nothing today and szols recent posts have shaken up some other Thoughts and i wanna share em bc i haven’t said much in the lasts few days..

these tie into another whole Situation that i’ll tell y’all abt later but are also basically just,, how would they be if they didn’t kill each other and decided to Start Over instead…

bc ofc they have their issues after that. like not even the whole Owen Still Hates Curt thing or curt’s deal w alcohol (even though he is Actually getting better w that by the end of the show)

this is what i think their Lasting Effects from Everything would be:

owen: he’s got hella abandonment issues. like i don’t even have to say it, but yeah. he would absolutely Hate being alone after all that. partly because of curt leaving him when he fell ofc,, but also because he was Technically still alone even when he was with chimera, too. as in he Sure As Hell didn’t have another curt,,, he said it himself, he doesn’t do partners anymore. and he was mostly just surrounded by people who wanted to use his skills and cultivate him into the deadliest man alive, so not much room to make friends either (not like he Would though),,, but anyways even (especially) after they go back and start fixing things between them,, whenever curts on any missions to go try and stop chimera, owens like oh no what if it happens again and he leaves or gets killed or Something else entirely and he never comes back.. but ofc curt always makes it back. after everything, that ends up one of owens biggest fears. he even makes curt promise to be back as fast as he fucking can,, bc even if it’s not much, it still means Something yknow. but yeah. owen hates being left alone after it all.

curt: his main thing after Everything is being terrified of the people he cares abt getting hurt and that his little found family will be taken from him again somehow. like no matter how small and inconsequential an injury is, like say owen accidentally burns or cuts himself while cooking,, curt Has to take care of it. bc he thinks that if he doesn’t Something will happen bc of it. bc it happened once, so it can happen again, even if it’s not his fault. so no matter how small an injury is,, curts just nononono not again Absolutely Not. bc he’s so scared that he’ll lose owen again (or anyone else ofc,, owens just the one he’s around the most,, and the only one he’s already lost once ofc) and no matter how many times owen tells him it’s fine and that things are so much better than they were or that the past is Behind them,, curt still has to do it. eventually it gets to where he doesn’t Panic as much,, but he definitely still freaks out a bit yknow.. the first few times it happened owen tried to get him to leave him alone so he could deal w whatever happened himself,, but curt legit wouldn’t take no for an answer and it wasn’t until later that curt explained and owen understood. after that,, he understands why he does it. it’s curt’s way of trying to prevent anything bad from ever happening to them again,, as well as his way to try and make reparations for what Did happen to them bc he didn’t care enough abt what could happen. so now he compulsively cares Too Much.

also i think this stuff is a Lot worse at the start of them trying to fix things and causes a lot more worry from both of them at the top,, but as time goes on and they get more used to the way things are now and Heal,, these don’t go away perse?? but they fade into the background and just kind of become little things they just have to incorporate and work around yknow.

these guys have been through hell and back and it sure as hell hasn’t been easy for them. so Yeah. there’s that. :)

[thecolordemon]

Haha hi :) I already asked but I wanna do it properly here. So, can I request headcanons abt the brothers reactions after knowing that MC had an incurable disease and they're gonna die soon? Thanks! 💕 (Btw I LOVE ur drawing)

Of course you can😊 It will be my first time writing Angst in the english language🤣😅 but I hope you'll enjoy it either way because who doesn't like to suffer a little bit? @flyme--tothemoon I added some shortstorys to the headcanon because...I couldn't help myself.

Request: Headcanons-How would the brothers react after knowing that MC had an incurable disease and that they're gonna die soon?🥺😭

⚠️Angst, Sadness, mentions of illness and death⚠️

*Lucifer*:

he noticed some sickenly sweet scent lingering over your small frame since you arrived in Devildom

but he couldn't put his finger on it

he never lived among humans how could he know?

he couldn't

and that's the whole point

he asks you about it during having dinner with all of the brothers

when your laughter dies down everything else turns quiet too

he knows immediately that something is wrong

"Did someone else noticed it too?" you ask without looking up

they nod

"Well...I guess...I have to tell you something."

Angsty/Sad Short story (other brothers below):

They all looked at you with big eyes. Filled with questions and worries because of the sad little smile that crept on your face and conquered your lips like a dark sky swallowing the sun. All of them noticed that sickenly sweet scent over your normal aroma. They just didn't thought that it would be such a big deal... "Well...I guess...I have to tell you something."

You cleared your throat and put down your cutlery. It was weird...I kind of felt like the day where you got your deadly diagnosis.

But this time you were the doctor.

And your beloved demons were the patients.

You knew that you couldn't hide it from them forever. Being here was like a daydream and it made you forget your disease a little bit more every day. Living with the demons brought so much new adventures in your life that the illness seemed so far away. It was like you left it at home. In the human world. Somewhere where it couldn't reach you. Throughout the day you never wasted a single thought about your approaching death. And why would you? Death was unavoidable. In the end everbody dies...Just for you it meant, that death would greet you a little bit sooner.

"Two years ago...I fainted. I was not feeling good for a...very, very long time after this. And it did not get better. I thought I hit my head a little bit to hard on the concrete. I...vomited very often and that one night my parents took me to a hospital because of it. They wanted to make sure that I'm okay..." You stopped and looked down at you fingers which were intertwined with the black tablecloth. This night was branded inside your mind like a tattoo you never asked for. Neither did you like it. The brothers did not dare to interrupt you. You could just feel them all staring at you. It was so quiet...so terribly quiet.

"It truned out that...I have a very dangerous disease." you continued. The swallowing felt so much harder now...like something big and bitter was stuck in your throat. "And...sadly...there is no cure..." The bitterness stung in your eyes and you had to fight back the hot upcoming tears. The hopeless and shocked faces of your family were something you could never possibly forget. And right now all of the brothers had this exact same shattered expression on their faces. You bit your bottom lip and your nails digged into the soft skin of you thighs.

"...Is it...deadly?" Lucifer asked and his voice sounded oddly thin. For a little while you did nothing but to stare into space. You did not want them to see you cry. Not when you had to be strong for them again...but then you nodded.

"yes." you breathed. "Yes, it's deadly. They said I have 3 years left-"

The following opressive silence was broken when some of the brothers shifted uncomfortably in their seats. One of them dropped a knife. But nobody saied something. It was like some higher power turned the volume of the universe down. 'Well-' you thought to yourself. 'Maybe this is what shock sounds like...' When you forced yourself to look up, the effects of your confession showed.

All of them were pale. Nobody seemed to breath. Nobody talked. You could see them falling when you looked into their eyes. They were all being swallowed by the big black hole that was your disease and there was no safe shore in sight. You broke them...

All of them.

"I'm so sorry-" you whispered. "I'm sorry for doing this to you." None of them reacted. You couldn't stop the tears from flowing down your cheeks anymore. The salty liquid dribbled over your warm skin like raindrops over glass and ran down to your chin. "I wanted to tell you but--I couldn't-you all made me feel so good that finally I stopped worrying about it-I didn't mean to hurt you--please forgive me-" The sobs came out of your mouth like little hickups.

'They hate me--they hate me for breaking them-I'm a terrible person-'

Lucifer suddenly stood up. His jaw was clenched and his hands were balled into fists. He shoved his chair back and walked around the dinner table until he stood before you. Sadness and anger radiated of him like a upcoming thunderstorm and it scared you.

Would he hurt you? Would he send you back? Would he banish you from the Devildom?

You thoughts were interrupted when he suddenly embraced you in a very thight hug. His fingertips digged deep into the flesh of you back and he hold you so close as if you were going to disappear right on the spot. It took your breath away. "L-Lucifer?-"

The avatar of pride trembled. And there was something wet in your hair...was he crying?! Finally he spoke. His voice broken like a shattered mirror. "You're--telling us--that you're going to die--and still you're-apologizing for it?!-" His grip thightend. "I thought you would hate me now--" you cried desperately. His hug send shivers down your spine. "MC, you're part of our family-We could never hate you-" His voice broke again. "I'm the one who needs to apologize! I ripped you away from your human family! While you have such little time left-I brought you here without checking your whole background-my research was horrible and icomplete-I am the one who has to apologize! Not you! Not you!!" He grabbed you by your shoulders and now you were able to see it. He was really crying. Lucifer, the avatar of pride, was crying. His crimson red eyes were glassy and shimmered with so much regret.

"No-No don't say this Lucifer, please--I'm so happy here--this is my home too-I'm so glad I got the chance to meet all of you-" Your hand reached his wet cheek and he shivered when you did so. "You all made my time so much better than I could've ever imagined-And I'm so grateful-" You whimpered and burried your face in Lucifer's red tie. Your attention was pulled towards Mammon when you heared his sobbing.

*Mammon*:

"This--this is not fair--" Mammon stood up too and he trembled like an earthquake was running through his body. "Finally I meet someone who is nice to me-someone who listens to me-someone who doesn't treat me like shit or like I'm dump--and now-" His thin voice broke in a shaky cry. "I fucking love you-" He broke down and fell to his knees, his face twisted in deep hurt and despair. His glasses and cheeks were already covered in hot, steamy tears and his hands fisted into the rough carpet. Satans hand touched his back but even he did not know what to do. It was a sad single try to calm Mamon down but it didn't work. "Mammon--" you breathed with a hitching voice while still beeing hugged by Lucifer. "I'm sorry-"

"QUIET APOLOGIZING, WILL YA?!" he screamed and then went back to crying hopelessly. His horns showed. He was interrupted by Leviathan's weak voice.

*Leviathan*:

"I-I don't understand-", he whispered and stood next to the quivering Mammon. He looked like he saw a ghost. He was so pale that it looked like he was starting to disappear. His eyes were red and the tears streamed down like little waterfalls. His small frame trembled uncontrollably and his hands were deep inside his pockets. "We were having so much fun together-we were staying up all night together to play videogames-and now this all is--ending?" A new wave of tears gushed over his face. "This wasn't healthy at all--I hurt you-I didn't knew--I-I'm sorry-" His fingers fisted into his lilac hair and he pulled harshly as if he tried to wake himself from this nightmare. "You're my friend---" Asmodeus tried to stop him. "You will get bold-stop-" But he was also not in a good condition. Neither was Satan.

*Satan*:

He normally really payed close attention to his mimic and gesture. But right now...He couldn't even think straight. It was clearly visible that he was deeply upset and his left hand massages his torso like he had a heart attack. "MC-why didn't you tell us sooner?-" There were tears appearing in the corner of his eyes. "I read so much--maybe we could find a magic cure-I newly read a paragraph about-" But you interrupted him right away. "Satan--I know you want to stop it but--there is no solution in no book-I talked with Simeon about it-I asked if he could miracle it away--but he couldn't. He said that only guardian angles are allowed to do such a thing--and they have to be very powerful to do that-and since there are people on earth living under worse conditions-" Your voice broke and Satan looked away in shame when he couldn't stop the tears anymore. He hated not being in control-He would lose you-.

*Asmodeus*:

"God does not throw dice-" Asmodeus whimpered and everyone looked at him. His beautiful eyes were red and puffy from all the crying and not beautiful at all. It looked like he had a terrible allergy against something unknown. But right now he couldn't care less about his appearance. "That's something I always hated about god--They say there is a reason for everything but they won't tell you an actual reason--and then you're still stuck with your problems all by yourself-" He cried out in despair and hid his face behind his fingers. "-without a solution-" he added with a very thin voice. That was just to much for him and he had to cuddle up to Satan for more support. "How can they leave you to die--you-such a perfect human being like you-you should be the top of their creation-how is this possible-." His pink painted fingernails clawed over his flawless skin and left red stripes. He looked like a locked up animal-trying to break free.

*Beelzebub*:

Beelzebub is a quiet soul by nature. Not a man of big and a lot words. And now he seems even more quiet than before. He can't wrap his head around this new, horrible informations. He grew so fond of you, he needs you, you make him feel better-Fuck it all you brought his brother back! And now you're going to be punished with-Death?! That's not fair at all-that's not okay-he can't lose you-not like he lost Belphie-not like he lost Lillith-he-. With big steps he walked towards you and Lucifer. He towers above both of you like a big mountain that's ready to collapse. Without hestiation he pulls you and his oldest brother into a crushing hug. Tears dribble down from his face into your hair and mix with Lucifer's tears. "We can't lose you MC-your family-family means that nobody gets left behind-."

*Belphegor*:

He is the calmest of his brothers. At least it seems like that. He is just sitting there processing what you just said. You are going to die. In less than a year actually. You're going to die and this means that you're going to leave. His eyes flutter in confusion. He was never upset about humans dying. That's what they do. They live, they die. It's that simple. He knew that. He always knew that. He also knew that you were going to die. One day.

...But why so fast?! Why so damn fast?! His heart beats harder, nearly bursting with anger. His tail and horns appear and his whole demon form starts to mainfest in front of you and his brothers. "No!!", he shouts. "I'm not having this! We need to do something-we-" His eyes land on you and that's just to much. "Who do you think you are?! Huh?! You come down here and wreck our worlds, you live with us, you eat with us-you improve our lifes-and-now--" His tail flinches with agression. Belphie's eyes are drowing in tears as his angers makes place for the deep grief that takes over his whole body. He also, like Mammon, falls to his knees. "You can't leave Mc--I need you-"

(Okay I'm gonna leave now, I cried a little bit while writing and...yeah...maybe I'm just sensitive🥺 I hope it's angsty enough though...)

[windsweptlassie]

On Love

So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners: 

Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible

Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything

Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.

El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh

Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college

A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited

Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me

Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love

to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:

Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.

H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour

Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart

Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet

O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D

to beautiful quotes:

Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN

Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)

Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things

Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mary: "Love is watching someone die."

Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"

Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"

V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?

Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!

Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka

Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention

to practices of love:

Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro

A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.

L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.

Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)

Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift

Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.

Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random

Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror

to crushes and potential loves: 

Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.

Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine

Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants

Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else

Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes

Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still

Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me

to the trials of love: 

Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk

Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it

Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.

Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love

L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start

Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him

Sean: Good luck it dont exist

Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3

13: I don’t know anymore

M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol

to beloved characters: 

Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension

Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love

to advice and prose: 

Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...

Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.

Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love

H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love

Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures

Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others

to the small, the simple, and the sweet:

Ireal: Poems

O: Flowers

Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.

Ad: we love LOVE

A: <3

Isak: small things

H: intense

Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away

S: her

E: <3

Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^

Catboy: wholesome

J: i love love so much it hurts

Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3

Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great

Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring

M: i love love

to food!

Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!

Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?

and animals too <3

Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!

96: raccoons ????

DJ Big Penis: cats

:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,

I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.

[asterekmess]

(I was gonna save this for tomorrow, but FUCK IT) Eyyy, still being salty over here. Pls block the tag ‘rant’ if you don’t wanna see anymore of these. Or maybe ‘anti-scott mccall’ though, tbh, I’m not sure how much fun it would be to follow me if you aren’t anti-scott mccall. I’m pretty vocal abt disliking him.

ANYWAY.

I wanna talk about the concept of Derek being a ‘creeper’ because of all his wandering around the lacrosse field, at lydia’s party, etc. And by talk about, I mean ramble about incoherently. By which I mean, please know that I’m not trying to insult or fight anybody who makes this joke or uses this concept in fic or whatever. I’m just ranting bc I love this boy and his trauma makes me sad.

ANYWAY. (This is insanely long, so I’m adding a “Read More”)

I just have a lot of feelings about people seeing Derek as a stalker/creeper because he keeps showing up at lacrosse practice and in Scott & Stiles’ rooms, etc. It gets mentioned in loads of fics (I see a lot of “Creeperwolf” which I think is supposed to be an endearment?) (And there’s lots of fics that talk about how ‘you used to be/are really creepy, following us around’ Again, not judging) (Dude it’s even a whole tag on AO3 ‘Creeper Derek Hale’) and it’s joked about a lot in fandom (the vine with the ‘every step you take’ song and the swans on the building comes to mind). I see it a lot, and dude, it hurts me.

Let’s look at Derek’s current mental state and what he’s been dealing with, going all the way back to Paige. (Or, tbh, his birth) Derek is a werewolf. He was born a werewolf, to a family of werewolves. He grew up within the supernatural world, in a whole different culture to humans (honestly, my fury at the lack of werewolf culture/history/worldbuilding is worthy of its own post. Let me know if by some ungodly chance, you actually wanna hear my thoughts on it.) and presumably the number one rule in all of werewolfdom is “Keep the Secret.” Now, Derek’s fuckin’ 14/15 (I put his birthday on Christmas, like most of fandom, and if his house burned down when he was 16, in the spring, and he was dating Kate for a while before, he would’ve dated her when he was 15, and we don’t know how long there was between paige and kate, but let’s give him a summer of mourning. So. 14ish with paige) and he starts dating this human. He’s kinda shit at keeping the secret, implying that either he’s only dated werewolves before, or she’s his first girlfriend ever (also implying that maybe some of the people on his basketball team are werewolves, bc they don’t seem to notice his weird way of talking [pack members maybe? fuck, my heart]) and he’s maybe not as careful as he should be. (More implications arise, and we begin to build our own history. If Derek was never taught not to say dumb shit like ‘i caught a scent’ then was he even in public school before freshman year? Were the Hales all homeschooled before high school to help keep the secret? How soon do wolfy abilites arise? Do they hit with puberty? Fuck, I digress.) He says some dumb shit, and Paige gets suspicious. Of course, he doesn’t know that, and he has some kind of meltdown about her eventually finding out his secret. We hear from Peter (who’s villainized, so we’re not supposed to necessarily believe what he says, but what we see in the flashback doesn’t make a huge amount of sense either so *shrug*) that he enlists Ennis to bite Paige, believing that if she is bitten she won’t spill the secret and she’ll be more inclined to accept that Derek is a werewolf. Now, she fucking dies. Paige dies in Derek’s arms because of this, and he finds out at the last second that she already knew the secret. He feels guilty enough abt getting her killed but now he’s got a whole new batch of guilt from finding out that apparently he’s so bad at keeping the secret of his ENTIRE SPECIES that she found out he was a werewolf. She could’ve exposed them all at any time. He had to be terrified. Next, he’s 15/16 and he meets a gorgeous older woman who presumably showers him in affection, and all the horrors that go with that whole situation (I don’t wanna go into detail, because obviously). But again, whether Derek tells her himself or she just knew or she finds out, whatever it is, Kate knows Derek and his family are werewolves. AND SHE KILLS THEM ALL. Derek has no clue what the fuck is going on. All he knows is he is the only link between Kate and his family, which must mean that it’s his fault she knows about them. Once again, he’s revealed the Big Secret and people Died. He and Laura bolt to NY for six years, where presumably they live in hiding thinking the Argents are coming after them to finish off the Hales. Then Laura gets sent a funky letter and goes back to Beacon Hills. Now, we have a lil more confusion (i’ve got a whole buttload of issues with the timeline, but let’s not get into that now) because he says he came looking for Laura, but later he mentions that he knew she was in Beacon Hills and was searching for...whoever burnt down their house...that whole plotline confuses the shit out of me (derek knew kate did it. he blamed All the argents, but he knew kate was involved. So why was Laura looking for the pendant. and if he didn’t tell her then why was he looking for the pendant?? And what did the pendant have to do with the deer and the spiral?? Halp.) but whatever. He shows up and finds his sister dead, the hunters arrive in town the next day, and suddenly there’s an angry alpha Attacking Humans.

We’re finally in the present. Derek has lost what little family he had left, except for a catatonic uncle. He already has two instances in his past where the worry of keeping werewolves a secret has caused deaths. And now there’s this teenager. No, actually, two teenagers. One who was bitten, and one who shouts out “You’re a werewolf!” in the middle of the preserve, instantly figuring out a centuries-old supernatural secret. Derek is fucking terrified, and things are only getting worse. This kid who got bitten? Derek follows him to see if he’s really a wolf, to find out if he knows what’s happening to him, if he believes the other teen. He finds the kid JUMPING OVER PEOPLE’S HEADS in broad daylight in front of everyone. Derek might’ve had a couple verbal giveaways but this is just ridiculous. Then, even better, the kid goes on a date on the FULL MOON with THE YOUNGEST ARGENT. There’s about a billion reasons to follow Scott to the party. It’s a FULL MOON, for one. HE’S WITH AN ARGENT for another. And of course he can’t just walk into the party. He’s fucking 22 for fuck’s sake. This is a high school party. He’d get arrested. And of course he doesn’t introduce himself to Scott beforehand. He has no way of knowing if this kid is on the Alpha’s side. He’s the Alpha’s Beta, it would make perfect sense for him to be obeying the Alpha. OR since he’s with the Argent, maybe he’s working with them. Maybe he’s a plant of some kind. a hunter pet. Laura was used as bait to catch Derek, why not Scott too? But he sees quickly that Allison has no clue what’s going on, at least with Scott, and he takes her home and steals her jacket to lure Scott into the Preserve where he can’t hurt anyone. Then, when he sees Scott get chased by the hunters, with no Alpha coming running to protect him, he decides “Alright, guess this kid’s my ally. Gotta protect him.” Yeah. He says some weird shit. But the evidence points to Derek not knowing much about bitten wolves. He tells Scott that he doesn’t know how to train a bitten wolf, but he does know how to help Scott recover memories (the memory loss appears to only happen in the early days of shifting, which lends more credibility to the possibility that born wolves don’t start shifting properly until later in life [puberty being the most likely milestone] and he therefore has experience with that, but not with the kind of control Scott needs, that he’s known his whole life). Born a werewolf, he’s never considered the bite anything other than a gift. He also just lost his entire family, so sue him for trying to find some kind of connection between them. (It honestly makes total sense for him to use the term ‘brothers’ bc he KNOWs Scott won’t understand the concept of ‘pack’ yet) So, now that’s decided to help Scott, to protect him, he goes back to the school. SURELY now that Scott knows what he is and how dangerous he is when stressed, he’ll reign himself in during lacrosse, or even just back out of it altogether. There are lives at stake here, be them human, or if Scott exposes the secret, werewolves. SURELY this kid wouldn’t put everyone in danger over a fucking game. But no. Not only does he keep flaunting his abilities, but he SHIFTS ON THE FIELD. If Stiles hadn’t Dragged Scott out of there, the entire supernatural world would be EXPOSED by this ONE KID. Derek passed Terrified about a hundred miles back. He’s gotta be fucking out of his mind with fear. I don’t blame him even a little for threatening Scott. If Scott’s not gonna do the right thing on his own, then threatening him is worth it if people don’t DIE. Then, bc Scott’s a pissy baby and goes to shout at him and be a fuckwad, and Stiles is nosey and neither of them have boundaries (I love Stiles, but fucking seriously, digging up a grave?) Derek gets ARRESTED. He pleads with this lanky teen who is brave enough to climb into the cruiser with a WEREWOLF. Who’s FRiends with a Werewolf. Who figured it out so quickly. He pleads with him to understand how dangerous this is, to stop his friend. And Stiles looks like he’s gonna, but Scott bolts bc of the wolfsbane (Which...listen if I’m being really salty, a deep bitter part of me genuinely wonders if he was that freaked out, or if he overheard Derek beg Stiles not to let Scott play, and Scott ran away from Stiles so he wouldn’t get told no, bc he wanted to play.) and by the time Stiles finds him he’s already dressed for the game. And DEREK WAS RIGHT. Scott DID lose control. He DID shift on the field. At LEAST one human saw him shift, and the coach for the other team knew something was up too. He DID expose them, and he did it further bc Jackson is suspicious now. Now, I’ve reblogged a gifset of it before, the moment when Derek shows up at the lacrosse field and finds Jackson standing in it after Scott’s run off, staring at a glove with a claw hole in it. He is watching his worst nightmare come true. Scott has exposed them and Jackson is going to figure out werewolves, just like Stiles did. He knows right that instant that people are going to die. I’ll reiterate what I said in the tags on that gifset. It’s extremely likely that Derek bit Jackson out of self-preservation. Jackson had been threatening to tell the hunters and the entire world if he didn’t get what he wanted. The safest thing to do was give Jackson the bite so that at least he would be putting himself in danger too if he exposed werewolves. He forced Jackson to have to keep the secret for himself because he knew Jackson wouldn’t do it for anyone else. (And he knew Jackson had some self-preservation, compared to Scott, and wouldn’t want to expose himself.)

Listen, I just. I just get so sad watching Derek sneaking into people’s rooms and standing on the edge of the field and showing up in the locker rooms. He’s trying to help. He’s trying to protect. He wants to be there in case Scott does something stupid (which he does, again and Again) to protect him, even after Scott REFUSED to help him stop a SERIAL KILLER because there wasn’t anything in it for him. Even after Scott fucking blackmails him by leaving him hanging on a grate with wires plugged into his side and his abuser on their way back to hurt him, he still helps him protect Allison (who watched him be tortured and did nothing. [He still has the capacity to acknowledge that it’s not her fault. That she couldn’t save him. He doesn’t blame her for it and he certainly doesn’t want her to die.]) He wants to keep his Betas safe. He stands in the parking lot waiting for them to test Lydia because he doesn’t want them to have to go through with killing her alone (and he only tries to kill her because she DOESN’T pass the test [although I admit it’s a dumb test] and because the kanima is KILLING people. More people have died and I don’t know how the fuck Derek manages to keep standing, let alone having such capacity for empathy and optimism and sarcasm after everything he’s dealt with. He’s constantly being hunted by hunters or humans, or fuck even Scott himself, since every time Scott gets upset he blames Derek for everything (I’m still fucking disgusted that he turned up at Derek’s place and accused him of murdering his own sister.) And STILL he shows up. No matter how many times he’s shoved away and ignored and yelled at. He shows up and he stands on the fringes and he waits for the chance to help.

And what’s creepy about that?

[majicmarker]

so i’ve had a lot on my mind lately — the good, the bad, the ugly, you know the drill. i’m used to the bad and the ugly, but i think (and ofc by my therapist’s rec) i need to give a little credit to the good, too. not to mention the good is largely comprised of people, and those people deserve a sports stadium wave, yk? idk shit abt sports, whatever, but i know what the wave is and it’s like the grandest gesture i can think of, SO

listen, y’all. to get real here, i hate fandom. my time spent therein has been hit-or-miss, but the misses got me hard and contributed to some major self-loathing, etc etc. we’re not gonna get into the specifics, i don’t owe that to anyone, but suffice it to say things got Rough.

but so much of it can be so, so good. and rn i want to keep on my rose-colored glasses, and the rosiest parts for me have always been @kitten1618x and @mygutsforgarters

(quite a few others, too, but i no longer have everyone’s info. and some ppl are newer friends, or relationships that have moved more slowly. i have mad love for u guys too, obvs, but ik melissa and gus irl so we know each other More and they’re who this post is rly about atm. pls know i don’t want to harsh on anyone’s feelings)

the tl;dr version of events is i met them both via fanfic. i happened upon theirs like “bitch!!!! **i** wanna do this, they’re bomb as hell” and then i made them be friends w me. they’ll tell you they wanted to be friends w me first, but that’s not important bc **i** am the one making this post, so they can both like,, suck it.

ANYWAY.

@ melissa : so bitch listen. here’s the thing abt melissa…… i found her while browsing jonsa fic back when i cared abt GOT, and she brought me back to what i loved so much abt romance when i first started, way back in junior high, what’s up. i bad a fascination w historial romantic epics for a loooooong time — those formative yrs, amirite ladies??? — but girl i could never write it so well as melissa. immediately she struck this balance between the drama you expect from historicals and the levity of a good romance, and i was just like, “hand to god this woman must be published already, surely???”

(she’s not, but that’s ridiculous so we’re gonna skip that)

(also she’s busy?? we’ve been friends for like six years and i will never know how many kids she actually has, but the point is she’s a goddamn superhero and i’m obsessed w her, MOVING ON)

i just Had to be her friend for two reasons: 1) she’s too talented, and b) i have said that abt 2 ppl my entire life and she was the first, so i was like, “AH YES MY HOLY GRAIL”

so ofc i slid into her DMs just as effectively as that one guy i had a crush on when i was sixteen and he’s still shooting me texts every valentine’s day bc of the societal pressures i guess (it is Far Less Effective these days, he’s my age and therefore too young for me, gross, but i digress), except me and melissa go way stronger.

she reminded me of why, half a lifetime ago, i started writing romance — bc it’s fun, bc i want to. bc i can do absolutely anything i want, bc who else is gonna read it but me and whoever i share it with? it was all up to me what i wanted to do with it, and i could do anything. nothing really mattered but what i wanted, and i hadn’t felt that way abt anything in such a long time — let alone abt something i used to love so much.

melissa’s writing is so beautiful, it’s everything i wanted to achieve when i was fifteen and never got around to perfecting. and i’m totally okay w that now, bc what do i need to do myself that she’s not already doing/wants to do in the future? when i found melissa’s writing i found a missing part of me — a part i’d maybe lost, maybe i gave it up, idk, but it was totally gone until i found her fics and they fucking clicked. i had to reach out bc there was a part of me that was a part of her, and she helped me find that again w/o even knowing it.

so i found melissa via GOT, and from the start she’d been trying to get me to write some bethyl. years and years, she dropped not-so-subtle hints — and by “hints,” i mean legit directives that i watch just enough TWD to write her some beth/daryl fic. real crafty, she is.

eventually the stars aligned: i was bored w the same dynamics i’d been writing for years, i wanted smthn new, i was restless, i was line editing a bethyl fic she’d written, and — again — this shit clicked. her fic made me want to explore this dynamic i’d never done before, so i watched the prerequisite episodes (no more than that tho, i super hate the show and i’m begging y’all to not @ me abt it anymore). i found smthn that i’d been missing, smthn that challenged and excited me and brought me back around to why i love romance and, more importantly, why i want to write it myself.

so as i was starting to write bethyl, i was poking around the ao3 tag to get a feel for what had been done, what hadn’t, anything i might be missing. and goddamn BAM —

@ gus : this is where u enter dramatically thru a red velvet curtain that i don’t wanna touch (Metaphorically bc you do romance better than me and i’m cool w that bc your talent simply Cannot be touched, and Literally bc i hate velvet) — i was like, “please for the love of god let her want to write contemporary romance, i need some good fckin food”

i happened upon “doo wah diddy diddy” first. ofc the summary hooked me, forget my usual hard no against pregnancy fics (i have issues w pregnancy and that’s all anybody Needs to know, back off), but This Bitch !!!!!!! has a way with words and i wanted to be friends w her straightaway. lmao too bad for her, now she’s stuck w me

gus’s fics gave me what i wanted without having to write it myself. her style is so distinctive, she hits the notes between porn and Actual Affection that is missing from uhhhh, every romance i’ve tried?? (why is everyone so intent on the sex part?? fckin chill. at best it’s unrelatable and at worst u sound like u’d rather wear someone than fuck them, check urself)

she writes w such care, she wants you to know what she’s doing here, and what she’s doing here is combining the physical and emotional needs of both characters w/o infringing on anyone’s comfortability. you root for these characters bc they simply want to be together, no strings (and if there are strings, damn, they talk abt it).

gus makes you believe in love in the modern age. like, not to sound like one of those ppl who post fckin “no one in this generation knows how to love!!!1!!11!!” memes on facebook, those are dumb, but gus’s writing made me think “yeah man, love ain’t dead, it’s just abt how we approach it.”

(if y’all haven’t guessed yet, i have some hang-ups abt relationships. i’ve goddamn earned those. but melissa and gus both brought me back to where i needed to be — in this place where, yeah, we’ve got some shit to deal with, but we all still deserve the things we want, and those things are achievable. i could not have gotten here without them, so jot that down.)

gus is Real, she’s funny, she’s unapologetic in the way she writes. ofc she has her personal hurdles, but who doesn’t?? and tbh nobody writes a sex scene like gus does. physical, realistic, but balanced w the emotional depth that makes you root for these characters bc you can Feel how much they want each other — not just sexually, but in the less-erotic aftermath of that passion. it continues to blow my mind, bc i’ve never seen anyone do what she does. i can’t even pinpoint the specifics, bc she just… Does It. and you’re reading it like “yeah bitch that’s it,” and That’s It.

it’s fckin wild.

these two — my best friends, the lights of my life, both of whom always make me crave chicken tenders at THE most inconvenient hours bc somehow we always talk abt chicken or ice cream or ultimately DQ, but they're both so hot idec — have something special.

i really, really want them both to know that: it’s not just in how they’ve treated me as a friend, but who they are as people, in their creative pursuits. i’ve never known support the way they’ve shown me; i’ve never known this much enthusiasm or investment or belief that i can do what i want with my talent. i want them to know that i feel the same way abt them and their works.

sometimes, when i look back at their writing that completely kicked my ass, i still can’t believe that they’ve become two of my best friends. it’s totally bonkers. they’re This Talented, and they wanna be friends w my spastic ass? GIRL. i’m out.

i’m not always the best at being present, at giving people what they need when they need it. but with everything that melissa and gus have given me in the past few years, i need them to know this — honey!!! i need all y’all to know this, bc i know fandom shit is hard, but you should know some of these friendships are so, so worth all that bullshit, so —

they have so much to give, so much to say, so much to offer. i could not have kept going without them. i couldn’t believe in myself without the faith they’ve given to me. i hope that i can always give that same faith right back.

and that, babes, is what real soulmates are all about.

[hopesbarnes]

Black Swan (4)

Summary: Y/N used to be a Russian spy under the code name Black Swan. But that was a lifetime ago, now she’s a part-time avenger, dance teacher, surrogate sister to Natasha Romanoff, and trainer to new Shield Agents. She’s come a long way from the days of killing targets and being tortured. But when someone from her past comes around will she be able to ignore her history anymore? Or will she end up falling in love with the only man her sister ever loved?

A/N: Will be reblogged to @rogvewrites​ at 12 pm tomorrow. I am also taking next week off from posting bc ya girl needs a mini-break.  

also! tell me thoughts and feelings abt this one:)

The two of you return from your adventure in the grocery store and unpack the car and restock the fridge together. You even make sure to organize in the way Steve likes to avoid arguing with him later. Why the spices needed to be alphabetical, you didn’t know. But you did it anyway. Better to just do it than have the same argument for the thousandth time. 

“Do you maybe wanna watch another movie?” you ask as you put his precious ice cream in the freezer after he puts a note reading ‘Eat and I will kill you - Winter Soldier’ on the top of the tub. 

“How about that one you mentioned at the store, Going to the Future?”, he suggests.

“Back to the Future, Bucky. It’s called Back to the Future. And you sure? It’s a trilogy and that’s a lot of time to spend with me!” you say half-joking, half-serious. He was still getting used to the tower and sitting through three movies is a lot

“I’m sure. I don’t mind spending time with you,” he admits.

“I kind of have to work on some choreography for a bit, but we can watch it later?” He nods and heads towards his room. You head towards the studio Tony constructed for you and Natasha and stretch while playing ‘Waltz of the Flower’, the song you assigned to the youngest group of girls, all aged 6-8. It would be their first ‘big girl dance’ and you had to make sure the choreography wasn’t too complicated for them to remember. It was Tuesday night now, and the girl’s class was tomorrow night. Trying to come up with a dance at the same time as teaching them was disastrous, so it’s better to come prepared and focused. 

It only took an hour or so to map out formations the girls would be in, and edit the music down to the time you wanted. You planned out the first minute of the song, and couldn’t do more until you see how it looked with the girls. Nobody else was around so you decided to play some music on the speakers and free dance. You let John Mayer’s voice fill the room and put on your pointe shoes, letting the music take control. Unbeknownst to you Bucky stood outside the room and watched from the window in the door. Your fluid movements and rhythmic turns captured him, and he knew he was starting to like you more than a friend.  

When you felt lighter and less stressed you stopped the music and removed the shoes. It was still pretty early so there was time to start the movie marathon. After a quick shower, you called him through Friday and arranged to meet him in the group living room. 

Bucky came, ice cream in tow, and hesitantly laid against the couch. You popped a bag of popcorn and got settled in.

“So there’s three of these?” he asked and you laughed.

“Yup! We can watch the others another time though, we have time,” you said and he smiled at the idea of having time. Time to just relax, and time to relax with you. You start the movie and he stays pretty quiet until the Delorian flies. Bucky looked amazed as the car flew. 

“You know Stark almost had a flying car before the war. I remember seeing it, it hovered a second or two ‘fore falling to the ground again.” he said fondly. You smiled at him, not wanting to ask any more questions in case it led to what happened to Tony’s parents. It was good that he remembered the event though. You had read all about the Stark Expo and Howard Stark’s car that floated in a time before cars even had mandatory seat belts. 

The two of you sit in comfortable silence for most of the movie, only adding small comments towards the movie or laughing as it played. When the movie’s credits roll, you look over to his spot on the couch to see what he thought. But instead, you see him sleeping soundly, his bowl empty and beside him on the couch. He looked peaceful, and you didn’t dare disturb that. You draped a blanket over him as the rest of the tower tricked in from their day’s activities. You shush them and send a stern look their way and they get the gist. Everyone but Steve retreats to their rooms. He points at Bucky and puts his arms out questioning but you just smile and shrug in response. He drops his things off by the wall and motions his head towards his room, silently asking you to follow.  

You followed Steve to his room and plop down on his couch, ready for a lecture. It no doubt was coming, he had his ‘dad look’ on. You had no idea the topic, but he always did this when he wanted to talk about something serious. Motioned to his room, and then sat on the chair opposite the couch.

“You and Buck seem close.” he starts, forming the words hesitantly. You just nod in reply.

“I haven’t seen him this close to someone since ‘fore the war. It’s nice,” he admits. “You know I worry about him, he spent so long taking care of me. Back when I was that scrawny little asshole who didn’t stop fighting. Figured I owe it to him now. He won’t ask for help, ‘s not him.” 

You nod. Boy did you know that feeling well. “It’s like me and Natalia. I took care of her when she was younger when she was naive. God, she used to think she was invincible and would get in such trouble. Never would’ve imagined it with how she is now. I mean, now I feel like she’s the mature one. Don’t get me wrong, I still have to hold her when she gets emotional, but she watches out for me more than I do for her now. The years have definitely flipped our roles.”

“Never seen her emotional, huh.” He says blinking in surprise. To Steve, she was the Widow that saved his ass one too many times. “But yeah. I guess like that. I, well, bring it up because I want to make sure you and I have the same idea when it comes to Bucky. He can’t handle getting hurt right now, it’d break him,” Steve says in an authoritarian voice. You were getting the strict girlfriends’ dad talk from him.

You laugh, “Isn’t the talk usually given to the guy not to break the girl's heart? Trust me, we’re just friends.” you sigh audibly. You didn’t want to date Bucky, even if he laughed at your jokes and looked like a good person to cuddle with. You shake the thought from your head. “Plus, I mean we can’t even date! Girls don’t date people their sisters were in love with that’d just be horr-.” You pause, realizing the word vomit that just came out. 

“Shit,” You say softly. 

“Shit,” Steve repeats back. He slumps back in the chair confused. “Shit is definitely right. I didn’t know Natasha was in love with Bucky. Heck, I didn’t even think they crossed paths. Wasn’t she KGB not Hydra?” he asks.

“You weren’t supposed to hear that, I promised her I wouldn’t tell anyone. And she’s not in love with him now, she was when we were younger. Hydra and KGB were different sides of the same coin. They intersected at times.” You can’t believe you told Steve. What a great sister you are.

“Please promise you won’t say anything. Just try and forget I said anything,” you add on beggingly. 

 “So you knew him too? Before the airport?” Shit, you just accidentally opened a door to a story you hated going through. 

“If you promise not to say anything, I’ll explain.”

 “Deal,” he says. So you start retelling the story for the second time in two months. 

[littlespoonevan]

“That’s a good look for you” for gallavich plssssss♥️

listen, my kingdom for EMT ian ok!!!! it’s not talked about enough!!!! also ian and mickey and babies!!!! let’s talk abt that too lol

*

Generally, Ian doesn’t mind sharing a house with allhis siblings. Sure, it’s not ideal with the lack of space but after so manymonths spent away from them he feels a certain amount of comfort knowing they’reclose by.

What he does notenjoy is said siblings waking him up at two o’clock in the fucking morning witha crying baby.

“Ian,” Liphisses for the third time, shoving the arm Ian has wrapped around Mickey.

It’s Mickey’s grunt of annoyance that ultimatelymakes him move.

“Alright, alright, I’m up,” he mutters, reluctantlypulling away from Mickey and scrubbing at his eyes to wake himself up.

“The fuck’s goin’ on?” Mickey grumbles, still curledon his side with his eyes closed and Ian admires his commitment to stayingasleep even with the lights on and Lip hovering over their bed with a screamingFred.

“Nothing,” Ian tells him, dipping back down to pressa kiss to Mickey’s shoulder. “Go back to sleep.”

He looks up at Lip then, eyes travelling past him tospot an anxious-looking Tami lingering in the doorway. “What’s wrong?”

“I think Fred has a fever,” Lip says and he sounds worriedenough that Ian sits up properly. He crawls out from under the covers, climbingover Mickey’s legs to sit on the edge of the bed and holds out his hands. “Okay,hand him over.”

Lip carefully passes Fred into arms and Ian offersthe baby a sweet smile and a quiet, “Hey buddy,” before pressing the back ofhis hand to Fred’s forehead. “Tami, there’s a first aid kit in my EMT bag bythe door. Pass it over?”

The words seem to rouse her from  her relentless staring at Fred’s tear-stainedface and she moves to pass him the bag.

“How long has he been like this?” Ian asks, shiftingFred into his other arm to rifle through his bag until he finds thethermometer.

“Uh he’s been fussy all night. And he’s been teethingthe past couple of days,” Lip tells him, rubbing agitatedly at his forehead. “Wethought he was okay when we got him to go to sleep but he woke up crying and hewas burning up.”

Ian nods, checking his right ear and then his left.Mickey sits up with a sigh right around the time Ian takes the thermometer outof Fred’s ear, shooting Lip a glare before he leans his arm against Ian’sshoulder and props his chin up on his forearm.

“Your dad wake you up in the middle of the night too,huh?” he asks Fred and Ian tries not grin too widely when Fred stops fussing longenough to giggle at him.

Instead he schools his expression and looks at Lip. “He’sdefinitely got a temperature but it’s not bad enough to be a fever. It’sprobably because of the teething. Just give him some baby Advil and he’ll befine.”

The look of sheer panic on Lip’s face tells himexactly what he’s about to say before he even opens his mouth. “We don’t haveany-“

“There’s a 24 hour drug store a couple of blocksaway,” Ian says tiredly, cutting him off. “It’ll take you fifteen minutes,”

“Didn’t we used to put a cold spoon in Yevgeny’smouth when he was teething?” Mickey asks, still leaning heavily enough on Ian thatIan catches the way he nudges gently at Fred’s cheek with his index finger.

“Yeah,” Ian replies, tearing his thoughts away from Mickey and babies to look at Lip andTami. “Run a spoon under cold water for few minutes and give it to him – it’llhelp numb the pain a little.”

“Wait, when who was teething?” Tami asks, completelyignoring his advice.

“Mickey’s kid,” Lip says distractedly before eitherof them can say anything. “Hey, listen I’m gonna run to the drug store – I’llbe back soon, okay? You’ll be alright here?”

Ian’s not sure which one of the three of them he’stalking to but he nods anyway, bouncing Fred in his arms when he starts to fussagain. “I’ve got him, he’s fine.”

Lip nods, turning on his heel and pressing a kiss tothe side of Tami’s head as he hurries back out into the hallway.

Tami, for her part, barely even seems to notice Lipis gone, still staring at Mickey in disbelief. “You had a kid?”

“Wasn’t my choice, believe me,” Mickey scoffs and Ianfeels his heart twist a little. He knows Mickey’s made peace with Yevgeny, ifnothing else about the situation, but he still can’t help craning his neck andkissing the top of Mickey’s head at the words.

“We were playing house before Lip and Debbie everwere,” Ian snorts, trying to keep the fondness out of his voice. It was a darktime in both of their lives but it also holds some of Ian’s favourite memoriesof their relationship. “So seriously, a cold spoon. It helps.”

Tami looks like she wants to ask more but sherestrains herself, nodding vaguely. “You’ll be okay with him if I godownstairs?”

“We got him,” Ian promises and with another inclineof her head, she goes.

Mickey lets out a sigh as soon as they’re alone withFred, moving back to his original spot on the bed and half-sitting up againstthe wall. “C’mere.”

Ian allows himself to be pulled back, careful not tojostle Fred, and situates himself between Mickey’s legs, leaning back againsthis chest. He feels himself relax as soon as Mickey’s hands settle on his sidesand huffs out a laugh as Fred looks curiously between them, confused by the newenvironment. Ian runs a hand over his tiny head and rests his own head back onMickey’s shoulder.

They’re both quiet for a minute, Ian pulling faces atFred to get him to smile and Mickey slowly rubbing circles on the skin at Ian’ssides.

“You ever think about it?” Mickey asks, voice hardlylouder than a whisper. “Kids, I mean.”

The question surprises Ian though he supposes itshouldn’t. He hadn’t thought Mickey would want to talk about marriage eitherbut the engagement rings on both their fingers suggests otherwise.

“Yeah,” he says slowly. “I used to think about it allthe time before,” he admits – when he was a teenager with a stupidly massivecrush on a Mickey who could barely even admit they liked each other. “But thenI got diagnosed and I guess I stopped thinking I could have it, y’know?”

Mickey doesn’t say anything, just keeps up the slowtrace of his fingers on Ian’s skin.

“I guess the good thing about not having kids that arebiologically mine is that they don’t have to worry about being bipolar.”

“You can still have kids that are yours,” Mickey saysbut Ian doesn’t let him finish his thought.

“I can’t,” he says, craning his neck to try and meetMickey’s eyes. “Mick, I can’t.Bipolar is hereditary and I’m not risking it. Okay, we can adopt or we can justuse your DNA.”

Mickey stares down at him in surprise – probably atthe sudden change from hypothetical to theirown future. Still, he offers Ian a half-smile when he says, “Because makingthe kid a Milkovich would be so much better, huh?”

Ian huffs a laugh. “Being a Milkovich isn’t nature,it’s nurture. Or Terry’s lack thereof.”

Mickey snorts but his voice is sincere when he startstalking again a moment later. “Monica had a bunch of kids and you’re the onlyone who’s been diagnosed. Maybe the kid’d be okay.”

“That’s just because Lip was too busy getting thealcoholic gene from Frank,” Ian mumbles, idly holding Fred closer. “It’s notthat I don’t want a kid that’s biologically mine – I just don’t think it’sworth the risk, y’know?”

Mickey doesn’t say anything else but Ian feels himnod.

“Do you ever think about it?” he asks Mickey then,oddly nervous for his answer.

“I didn’t used to,” Mickey murmurs softly. “But now- Imean I’m not saying I want a kid tomorrow. But some day. Y’know when we’ve gotour own place and when all our shit’s figured out.”

“You mean when we can legally leave the state and don’thave to take random drug tests anymore?” Ian laughs.

“Pretty much,” Mickey answers and Ian loves beingable to hear the smile in his voice.

“When our probation’s up,” Ian says decisively. “Then we can revisit this conversation.”

Mickey huffs a laugh. “Deal.”

“Y’know that’s a good look for you.”

Ian whips his head to the side at the sound of Tami’svoice as he feels Mickey tense behind him.

Tami’s standing in the doorway, arms folded and aspoon dangling from her fingers as she leans against the doorframe with smirkon her face. “Parenthood almost makes you two not look like criminals.”

“Gee thanks,” Mickey gripes but Ian can tell that it’sall bravado. He’s starting to figure out Mickey likes when other peoplecompliment them on conventional stuff like that. “Wanna take back your babythat Ian fixed now?”

Tami nods but there’s still a smug air to herexpression as she steps over to the bed to lift Fred out of Ian’s arms. “Thanksfor your help, Ian,” she says before she turns her gaze to Mickey. “I’ll letyou know how the spoon thing works.”

Mickey gives her the finger and she laughs as sheheads out of the room, bouncing Fred in her arms.

As soon as she’s gone Mickey’s arms wrap around hischest and his chin drops onto Ian’s shoulder. “She’s just as annoying as yourbrother.”

“I don’t know,” Ian says, feeling a grin quirk thecorners of his mouth. “I think she’s right. You’re definitely a hot dad.”

Mickey makes a sound somewhere between a scoff and agroan, smacking Ian’s chest lightly. “Shut the fuck up. I thought we’re not talkingabout this for two years?”

Ian twists in his arms, a glint in his eyes. “I’mjust saying.”

“And I’m justsaying, shut the fuck up,” Mickey tells him, quieting him with a kiss.

“You brought it up,” Ian mumbles against his mouth.

“Gallagher, I swear to fucking god,” Mickey grumbles,biting Ian’s lip before deepening the kiss and swallowing down Ian’s laugh.

And you know what, they can definitely wait a littlelonger to talk about it.

Or at least the next half hour.

*