#I do not wish him well. I do not wish him at all yknow
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Hello there! My friend introduced me to the Daiyu/Baoyu theory recently and I repaid them by immediately becoming crazy about Soda Hong Lu. Have you looked at Soda Hong Lu in the lens of this theory? Because half joking about this:
1. It is the only EGO that I can recall that features a transformation type sequence
2. In the corrosion, two shrimps attempt to check on the hallucinating Hong Lu/Body; he destroys them in the frenzy
3. It is an EGO that Hong Lu strangely has no Identities for in regards to archetype, Poise, and is one of the EGO for which Hong Lu has a dull eye. (Next Walpur might outdate this one but still squinting at it)
4. It is an Envy EGO, the sin associated with. Yknow.
5. In the pull animation, a shrimp is inexplicably focused on, crying from the same side Hong Lu's jade eye is on.
Idk if this is totally out of the ballpark here, but I'm seeing Soda as an EGO that represents Daiyu being dragged onto the 'boat', that being the family, as Baoyu guiltily observes, barely keeping it together under the idea that the 'boat' is the "better life" as seen on the log for Wellcheers in LCorp. They want to be able to pretend that the transformation is something that'll bring them fortune, just another process in the faƧade, but as the corrosion shows, one slip will doom them into inconsolable panic. It is an EGO that demands you provide to the group, but it is hanging by a thread. Do you see my logic. Shrimp Jia Family.
So, I'm gonna put it this way.
The things you pointed out about Soda? Huge. Like, they do definitely point towards something and I have my own interpretation of them to share.
Your interpretation of the EGO... I feel like it misses the mark a bit, but that's okay, because it very much can still be about the Two in One Daiyu Baoyu of it all in a way, thanks to the things you pointed out.
Let me explain.
Soda, both for Ryoshu and Hong Lu, is symbolic for their escapism, while also having some major themes of Reality/Fiction.
To briefly show what I mean by explaining Ryoshu's Soda - her form of escapism is that of indulging in the cruel Reality. Note how her Soda focuses on the Wellcheers drink itself - she uses the soda itself to attack, and in the corrosion she turns into the soda as well. Her EGO focuses on the cruel Reality that Wellcheers is a soda company that only cares about people consuming their product, she literally forces her target to drink it in her Awakening animation. Her Corrosion then focuses on the Fictionalization of that Reality, on the rumors that the soda can lead you to wake up on a ship in the middle of an ocean.
This isn't a Ryoshu post though, so if any Ryoshu scholars want to add onto this with their own interpretation of how that connects to Ryoshu's art and how she wishes to reflect reality in all its cruelty, be my guests.
Now, back to Hong Lu's Soda - for him, escapism is the reverse. He indulges in Fiction, his EGO reflecting the life shown in hypothetical Wellcheers' advertisements, happily fishing for shrimp among prawn on a ship in the middle of an ocean, surrounded by seagulls. Then, his Corrosion is the Realization of that Fiction, of what it would be like to actually live on a ship like that, having to hear seagulls scream and run away from you.
And this is where the details you pointed out come in. Because they made me realize something.
The 'Fiction' being symbolized by Soda? It's Hong Lu's current life as 'Hong Lu'.
Here's the thing about the Daiyu Baoyu theory - one of its many parts is that Hong Lu as a person does not exist. 'Hong Lu' is a fake persona. He's not a real person with an actual history, it's a character made up and played by Baoyu to cope with being forced to override Daiyu.
After all, it's not until after Canto 4, where Hong Lu becomes aware of Yi Sang's attempts of calling for help, that he starts actually saying concerning things. Until then he's tried his fucking hardest to make it seem like his homelife is as uneventful as a sheltered rich kid's homelife could be, with the anecdotes only getting more and more actually fucked up when it became clear his turn drew closer. Perhaps because that's what Hong Lu as an act was originally supposed to be - a rich kid like Baoyu but without his baggage, without his trauma. Until he started getting desperate and realizing that he too needs help, but couldn't ask directly without revealing he'd been lying this whole time, so instead he's sprinkling in more and more concerning things hoping Someone Will Get The Hint.
That little tangent aside, I believe this is what the magical girl transformation in the Awakening is meant to symbolize - Baoyu indulging in the Fiction of his new made up persona that is Hong Lu. After all, if you think about it, isn't it a common trope in magical girl shows for the girls to use pseudonyms and keep their true identities secret while transformed? Isn't that exactly what Baoyu is doing while he's acting as Hong Lu?
With that in mind, the prawn that gets focused on in the acquisition animation, the one randomly crying out of the equivalent of Hong Lu's jade eye, could be a little reference to the fact that under the act Baoyu is Fucking Miserable.
And then there's the matter of the ship. If the transformation sequence is a reflection of Baoyu becoming Hong Lu, then what is the ship about?
...It's the bus. The ship is Limbus Company's Bus.
Soda as an E.G.O symbolizes Baoyu's escapism via becoming Hong Lu aboard Limbus Company's Bus, getting carried around to "fish for shrimp" or perhaps hunt for Boughs.
Then there's the Corrosion. The seagulls screaming and crying all around him. The genuine anxiety and panic in his voice (listen to the original file for the voiceline without the effects if you can btw, it's so well acted - you can find it in the Organized Assets drive). The way others try to check up on him and he instead lashes out at them. How the animation seems to purposefully hide the actual enemies being hit so that it seems on first glance like the only things he's attacking are fellow prawn.
Ya'll... this could be another Distortion foreshadowing. Think about it. The realization that his escapist Fiction isn't enough, that the horrible reality he's living in has started to poke through and scream at him and cry at him. And the resulting breakdown causing him to lash out indiscriminately. ...Doesn't that sound like something that could happen with a Distortion?
Alternately, it could simply be a way to show in general what would happen once the act is stripped from Hong Lu. The fear, the panic. The pushing others away. A representation of someone whose escapism is a defense mechanism, and who, upon being stripped of it, cannot handle reality.
So, sorry to say Shrimp Jia Family is likely not the case. Thankfully, we can have the alternative of Shrimp Sinners.
On the other hand, here's a fun semi-related fun fact: the Sin Affinities of the Soda EGOs could in part be references to the two work types you can perform on the Abno to get the grape soda! Gloom representing Repression work, and Envy representing Attachment work. Neat, huh?
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when I was younger, a friend of mine gave me a quote that I assume he came up with. And im kind of tempted to get it as a tattoo because it was a good little quote. But at the same time do I want that kind of reminder
#He was my best friend. My only brother. Its a long story as to what happened#A tragedy upon a tragedy#And it doesn't hurt like it did but I am still...... vengeful about it I think#I do not wish him well. I do not wish him at all yknow#I have killed him so thoroughly in my heart that he is a stranger to me now#And he will only ever know that sad scared little girl that he left behind.#I would never give him the satisfaction of knowing me now.#I did him the kindness of forgiveness. That's all I could give. The situation wasn't ideal#As an adult I know he didn't really have a choice. But I needed him and I made a lot of mistakes to try and get him to come back#And it didn't work. Never does#Im not feeling any type of way about it but that quote is a good summation of our friendship#Its just another relapse so relax sit back and take a deep breath...
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Y'ALL. Y'ALL so for a long time I've believed that "the sun" in Meursault's story is Carmen, and I went to check Hell's Chicken's dialogue to see exactly how he said that he'd dealt with distortions before, and... you know what else he said?
To my knowledge, it is a phenomenon where an individual morphs into a form often unfit to be considered āhumanā. It has no known causes, and the appearances were all different.
Unfit to be considered human.
Meursault, who, in his book, was judged by the court to be soulless.
Meursault, who has EGO for Cyborgs who have been so mutilated they barely act like people anymore; a murderer who was experimented on until ceasing to be human; a sheep named after Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, a novel about the humanity of androids and the inhumanity of humans; and now a rose that can't help its bloodsucking nature, based on Carmilla, a vampire whose story emphasized the duality between her vampiric traits and her human ones.
Meursault, who answered Heathcliff's ironic question of if he had metal for brains like this:
I'm placing my bets now, that line from Hell's Chicken is foreshadowing for Meursault's canto even more than "I have witnessed a number of [distortion] cases in the past" was
#limbus company#project moon#meursault#sorry of my info on carmilla is off i still havent read the book#me post#CLARIFYING IN THE TAGS: MEURSAULT IS HUMAN#it would be a disservice to his character and honestly pretty gross if he ended up not being human#the entire point is that he IS human and that other people perceive him as otherwise because of how he behaves#so I guess theoretically if he did distort it would exacerbate the issue?#extremely speculative but there are distortions who can behave pretty normally while distorted#like the marksman of the mist (and also some of the reverb ensemble but those people are all full of issues WAYYY bigger than marksman was)#if meursault was one of those...#someone calling him unfit to be human. it's fine it definitely won't leave a scar on his psyche#i think in his canto there might end up being something about how even though people don't see distortions as humans#distorting is a very human thing to do#anyway i think overall there's juxtaposition with him and don quixote#don isnt human and wishes she could be#meursault is human but people don't think he is#yknow despite my theories it would probably be more poignant if he DIDNT distort#them looking at him and assuming he only couldve done something like that if he distorted but he didnt#oh wait but the timeline... they probably wouldn't have known about how distorting works yet#nevermind back to the first idea#they ask why. he talks about a beautiful voice. no one knows about this yet and they all think there's something deeply wrong with him#'a beautiful voice convinced me' holds up in court about as well as 'the sun was too bright'
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We all know Timmy is Wandaās mamaās boy but we need to keep in mind heās still Cosmoās kid too and that Cosmo would love him just as vehemently as Wanda
#fairly oddparents#not that anyone has portrayed him different#certainly not distance he loves Timmy he probably says it the most in the show and in fanon#but still- watching New Wish there felt like there was a disconnect with Cosmos character-like he wasnāt as well defined as he was in OG#thatās in part due to them toning him down from being an idiot plain and simple but I feel like it wasnāt fitted with something else it was#simply taken away#just to say he didnāt have as much of a presence to me in New Wish as Wanda did and I crave spinning Cosmo around in my brain#I want to see Poof being his Dadās Boy yknow and I want to see cosmo doting and I want to see when he gets like. parental rage for the sake#of his kids#yknow? Yknow? part of him feeling detached in a new wish has translated into him not wanting to get as close to Hazel as he did Timmy-#to try and play it more like godparents are supposed to- just a presence for a couple months#but also because like. he got SO attached to Timmy and heāll never regret it and heād never do anything different#but idk. if it were me I wouldnāt have the capacity to go through losing my godkid again after becoming that attached#thatās not even mentioning that they donāt HAVE to be in hazelās life the same way they were in Timmyās because Timmy was going through#neglect and Hazel has loving family and friends all around her at all times- her blocks are mental#in that way cosmo and Wanda just have to do the Typical Godparent Job of aiding her- not becoming people she desperately needs in life#which also bleeds into why I think Peri was having such a. difficult time#godparents arenāt supposed to be attached the way his family was to Timmy and that how he learned it#but his first godkid is Not Easy and lends immediately to the issues Timmy was having where he HAS parents he HAS things (though . Timmy#was not rich and would sometimes not be fedā¦ devās dad also forgets to feed him but dev is still able to eat you know)#and how he grew up with his parents as godparents and how heās been taught are conflicting and itās nature vs doing a good job quoteunquote#I didnāt mean to ramble so damn much in the tags Iām really sorry#told myself if I had more to say Iād write it down and post it later but I must be heard.
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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I feel like thereās hands trapped in my chest clawing to get out but thatās okay! We stay silly!
#sorry to scream but I have got to just yell for a minute#idk what the hell happened to me but it started a few months ago#every time Iām alone with my thoughts itās just there. something and itās itchy!!! metaphorically yknow but#my soul is itchy babes this is concerning#not very concerning Iām pretty certain it has to do with me finally realizing oh maybe I aināt cis#but I DONT FUCKIN LIKE IT#I know whatās gonna happen. whatever this is itās gonna gnaw at me for a couple years and then itāll just hit me like a truck and Iāll be#Changed for the better or worse#same thing happened when I wrestled with the sexuality but itās so stupid#body stop it. chest stop it. hands!!!! stop scratching and trying to crack me chest open please#Iād like to deal with this Not Right Now I have other real issues that are more pressing#wish I could just open my chest up and grab the lil fucker thatās in there causing a ruckus and squeeze him until his head pops#anyways sorry this is stupid and very venty from me in a way I donāt usually do it#btw I do want to stress I am generally doing great overall! just tired (always haha)#but workouts have been awesome and Iām happy with my progress and Iām workin and doin well#but this has just been driving me crazy lately#lynx talks#sorryyyyy abt all that#anyway
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Me, when Sebastian joins my party for the first time: Okay, this time I'm not going to forget about you, Sebastian. I'm going to make an effort to use you a lot this playthrough so I can better understand you.
Also me, immediately forgetting about Sebastian while finishing Act 2 and making it halfway through Act 3 before I finally notice his Faith quest: ......................Oh. Right. My bad.
#da2#dragon age 2#sebastian vael#listen in my defense..........i don't like bringing sebastian anywhere sksksks#okay look i seriously tried but every time i bring him somewhere i always think man i wish i had brought someone else#and also i do just forget about him! i finally added him to my party at one point and he had 24 points to spend...#that's how long i neglected him after i promised myself i was gonna use him more and then i didn't#it's not that i don't like sebastian as a character though i do tend to side eye him A LOT... it's just that i like everyone else more#even aveline like i'd take aveline over sebastian any day and that's saying something... or is it? i have a lot of feelings about aveline#whereas my feelings about sebastian could maybe fill a thimble...it doesn't help that in my canon run as a mage hawke#i romance anders and well... sebastian wants me to kill anders and my hawke is like 'do i approve of blowing up the chantry? complicated.'#'am i breaking up with anders for this? absolutely. do i still love him? mmhmmm. am i going to kill him sebby? i'd sooner set varric aflame#then sebastian threatens to bring an army to kirkwall and leaves so i can't say i have the greatest opinion on him#even the time where i did kill anders and he stayed in my party he was just... there#and then he glitched out and started t posing while asking if ed ever found out what anders wanted to do in the chantry so..... yeah#but even this playthrough where i'm playing as a lady warrior with a different personality and everything... i'd just rather use anyone els#also keep him away from bethany i do not approve sksksks she's too good for him#i want to understand and see the different angles of him like with the other companions but i've yet to convince myself to do it#also sebastian romancers out there can you like... explain? genuinely can you explain the appeal? i'm curious#because of all the love interests in da2 i look at sebastian and you'd think i'd maybe be more interested? but it's like...#i know about the chaste marriage and everything like that's fine i don't need sex to be a thing in the relationship but it feels less like#an asexual romance and more like... y'know... being with a priest and i guess that's just not one of my kinks? sksksks#i guess there's also the prince angle but i romanced alistair in dao and kept him a grey warden i don't really care about royalty power#and i don't have issues with him being a part of the chantry [well i do but yknow what i mean] since i romanced cullen in dai#and his whole deal with the chantry and magic and shit makes his romance interesting to me but sebastian is just.... a bit too much i think#i don't know i'd like to understand because i really don't but i also keep forgetting about him
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I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when youāre watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group š
#welcome to another Mick Airs Out Their Grievances and by god is it a VERY long one#prob best if u don't expand the tags#am I being maybe a bit meaner about this than I would be for any other movie? maybe but pac rim is one of my favorite movies of all time#so I think I get a pass on this one.#one of the groups on campus is hosting movie nights & I went to this one bc I've only ever watched pac rim on my laptop and wanted to watch#it on a larger screen. yay yippee I love this movie!#there r maybe 10-ish of us in this room and a three person friend group is sitting on the couch one of whom has seen the movie and two who#have not. okay so far so normal.#and then the movie starts and they won't! stop! fucking! commentating! the whole fucking movie!!! I don't have a problem with doing that#when I'm in just my friend group because I know that I can tell my friend to stop talking or pause the movie or whatnot but not when I'm in#a large group w people I'm not good friends with ffs#and the comments aren't even funny or anything they're all oh this is JUST like in iron widow!! oh they're SO gay and autistic!!! and#they're talking so loud about this that it completely drowns out the movie audio which has already been turned up a few times#like. be considerate!! some of us want to yknow actually listen to what's going on and not whatever bullshit you're saying#I nearly walked out three or four times before I actually wound up doing so#I may have been a bit of a bitch at the end but I don't care. I got up to leave because this was not an enjoyable environment and one of#them offered to turn the movie down if it was too loud. this caught me a bit off guard since I expected them to still be so wrapped up in#their convo and. well. I may have said 'it's not the movie that's too loud' before closing the door#this also reminds me a lot about my issues with online shipping culture and it bleeding through into how we interact with media irl#this is probably heavily influenced by my aromanticism but I'm so sick of people constantly reading romantic relationships into everything#AND placing more importance on those relationships than any other form. I don't mind romance in media. I think if done right it has great#emotional impact on a story but when a movie is running and when other people who may not want to hear it are in the room watching it too#is not the time to be loudly saying 'he's autistic!' 'they're in love!' 'she has a crush on him!'#I have my own interpretations of the movie some of which agree with what they said and some of which don't but that's beside the point of#knowing how to coexist politely in public#anyway. I think they were awful and annoying and they ruined my night out.#I think I'm just so incredibly mad about this because I love the movie and I was looking forward to watching it in a group of people who#found it cool as well while still having some modicum of politeness#I almost wish I had been meaner but that's the extreme annoyance talking I think#hater hour over love u guys bye
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actually im kinda happy with it lol probably because ive given up quite some time ago but yknow. its not that serious.
#thank ye gods of mediocre adult animation shows for doing everything in your might to de-twinkify him i appreciate it š#they gave my man a moustache AND a sugar mommy#insane. ill take it!#if i had a nickel for every time i fixated on an evil little dude with a moustache and a sugar mommy... two nickels indeed#and that's before i even knew he had either of those! its like i have a sixth sense for this lol#hazbin leaks#tagging just in case#anyway i am kinda disappointed they're taking the sillygoofy way out about it when the huge great evil drama had been so heavily hinted at#but they would have fucked it up anyway so all in all i think this was the best Other way out. AND the song slaps. im happy honestly#anyway time to get into something serious again but ngl its kinda fun obsessing over something thats like. still a work in progress.#i dont get that often. fun! just shameless entertainment! (well not completely shameless but oh well. a little shame is good for the soul)#pity they seemed to have dumbed him down and not in a pilot!alastor way but oh well. ive survived worse shit done to my blorbos šāāļø#wish we could have just have him stay Actually Fucking Evil and yknow. also Actually Scary. i miss his pilot self every day#but like hey. whatever. we just vibin. the version of this show that exists in my head only is soooo good and ive made peace with it already#the actual show is more like a parody of it and its fine. just give me simple music that slaps and some good voice acting and we good
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among the boundless billions zaniness like laugh track as it definitely has that moment of expressing "rolling my eyes as The Left makes a kerfuffle of Acting like they have a stance as a veneer over the true belief that [xyz] is cool & chill actually" like what, approximate 0.000% chance wendy isn't, as usual, given the Objective Stance of "yeah yeah ohh we are cancelling involved parties talking about how we Don't watch this But. we all love this damn epic movie & already have it memorized so shut the fuck up, kids today" like. don't wanna really delve into how much billions thinks taylor or anyone is "really" trans / nonbinary like not too much benefit of the doubt in this material including what does provide info abt that specifically
& the general like [head in hands. what do you think any of this could possibly be about (you're the one that made your show at all about Power)] of "yes, it's bad/wrong to be someone that someone has done something to / victim of something" like that to be anti misogyny All Women Must Be Epic Winners b/c there's something to be proved: that they don't Deserve to be victims (of misogyny), not taken as a Given. while when we see some epic winner men stepping on other men (who need not all be guaranteed Winners so as to say misogyny is wrong), that's often Good, well beyond any assumption that various forms of basic disrespect / violation / patterns of emergent/entrenched power difference as Bad (for being things done to people, not for there being people they're being done to), & generally billions has to take an extra step when ppl get shitted on & tell us the Specific Cases when it was undeserved actually & someone was being mean to a specific person who didn't deserve that. & the specific cases when hey guess it wasn't that bad(tm) or when hey It's Okay that you're someone something was done to, in this case. & tell us what we were supposed to know all along like when someone who something was being done to (wrong Of Them, whether b/c they inherently deserve it no matter what, &/or b/c they failed to be someone who could make it Impossible to do anything to them, which, how do you do that besides being The Authority / Superior yourself, exactly? nonrhetorically? what if the in group vs out group / fascism / authoritarianism protected Me?) was actually being treated Too Well b/c ah well the abuse meant you were getting any attention, maybe it meant you were claimed as any superior's property, maybe it meant you weren't Already disposed of, as all Losers were in the end, You're Welcome.
obviously referring to winston where it's spelled out all the abuse towards him was deserved, & More than he deserved in the case of rian having more access & taking advantage of that, all for billions' enjoying its own sendoff there of, again, maximizing violation & violence short of [real violence is physical & leaves bruises / draws blood / Literally kills] which would be distasteful in general But doesn't it make wags look like the winner & winston the loser is that the former's completely unrelated completely impersonal ego blow gets way amplified taken out on winston, the most vulnerable recurring character when spyros as [first & ultimate Everyone Hates Him role] is more entrenched in there & billions still magnanimously pities tuk, as it does winston too, just not quite as much. again that like completely surface level realized power fantasy of forcing the mirror up to the Inferior so they're like nooo my inferiorityyyy & in doing so like, the projection in that lmao, we get it re: the valuing of & need(tm) for such Power Tripping & Reaffirming My Superiority & My Ego Restored; Everyone Claps like good god. & then for all ben & tuk are the slightly softer Two Too Nice Boys duo to the rian & winston quant duo, also like too nice i guess but not as much, ben is in charge of tuk but Any instance of rian being in charge of winston outstrips them in that "yay interpersonal abuse" dynamic, like then in the end billions may be like "yeah it's possible to be mean to them unlike how being mean to winston is actually Nice b/c he deserves everything he gets, we only vicariously enjoy it vs Feeling Bad for tuk & ben sometimes (still magnanimously & it's Not That Bad / just goofin)" like ben & tuk still Fail by not being people it's impossible to do anything to. & not Exceptions who anyone is really being Too Mean to. like if they were women, in which case, no problem surely with a "positive" kind of victim blaming where there is something Inherent that Will be victimized so hey how about to cancel that out there's this special Paternal Protection you Need always, Or Else? :) but instead they are men who are asian & is ben gay & w/tuk & winston nobody mentions glasses or fatness but billions doesn't really do much or very in depth textual mentioning of Anything, even w/nonzero mention that there may be gender & race in this world. a gay man, once. no disability. we just Know who are the inferiors who deserve it when they're treated inferiorly, or if they don't, they start deserving it when they fail to stop/avoid it, but if you start mentioning the factors behind who we all totally agree is inferior like whoa nobody was Saying any of that? being the real agent of oppression on the basis of the factors only You spelled out, much? nonbinary? i never say anything about the Gender Binary when i'm subscribing to it, sounds like You've created & enforced it. obfuscation & deflection onto [so Just Normal nobody has to label, explain, or argue it] couldn't serve a purpose & protect the existing power differences as they are. maybe You're the problem? perhaps you brought it upon yourself & now you're causing too much trouble standing up for yourself while everyone else's criticism is laser focused on you as the prior & continuing negative actions done to you are taken as a given / unquestioned / covertly protected to overtly encouraged?
anyway so wild if the Completely Normal(tm) Victim Blaming is uncritically recreated & oft embraced for "if you're watching this & don't wish you were axe / find him appealing" [billions as a sequence of vicarious power trips] purposes in this series....but a bit wild considering like this is your multiseason show that wasn't just purporting to be those power trips for [enough demographic & apparently specific personal tastes overlap w/creators] & was at all purporting to question the matters of power at play in the material, or yknow, at least to not be completely superficial material while said material is textually & thematically all about power difference being leveraged, how, the consequences, & so on. thus i will have to intermittently talk about it forever like this like lord unbelievable. & the funny little & sometimes less funny less little characters it has trapped in there so that those of us who were never meant to be in the audience can be cursed with this knowledge. like i have some feedback. "imagine not victim blaming" & "imagine adjusting your perspective can go beyond superficial layers added to politely defer to some other ppl while they're present but really like cmon do they deserve that. am i not just saying what we're allll thinking"
#another random night another Verbal Effusion of [forehead to hand]#winston billions#who needs actual questions about power or the consequences of getting to consider others Lessers & acting accordingly#when we can last minute be like uh wendy is god actually. take it away wendy (wait she just does whole other shit half the season)#okay Now take it away wendy i guess b/c the series is dead set on you being the Moral Center#if mostly b/c gosh everyone either loves owning you as pseudo wife or correctly recognizes & defers to your superiority#the scene i couldn't bear to sit through at the start of s7 way too long sequence of wendy Going To Work to the ''cuz im awesome'' song#i was like. lol. i was like okay that is wendy's mood / perspective then. Wrong. it was billions conveying Fact to the audience. rip#abt as great setup for ''the only other shoe that finally dropped was that of Yeah It's This Completely Surface Level'' as possible (:#prince has exactly the same attitudes & actions as wendy does? uh well you see. it's just bad when he does it#if only more wendys were in charge. if only we go ''well even if it's bad if wendy does it? or axe or whoever? Could Be Worse''#nothing to analyze in the [but at least it's not worse] dead end re: justification of Power Leveraging & minimization of its consequences#tl;dr just the victim blaming embraced everywhere & the idea that everything that Deviates from the Norm Too Ethically Mindedly#is just that veneer slapped on overtop of [haha but truly: the norm] like no but seriously we all know It's Not That Deep(tm)#even for the characters written to exercise this [my Extra Mile Ethics] trait regularly it's expressed as this Polite Addendum#to the [what's Really at play] normal. the And Enbies tacked on; that's that on that & it Is an extra veneer to the norm#prince asking if taylor's changing up their pronouns; no more Meant a red flag than him immediately shitting on winston i'm sure#yet yknow why tf suppose taylor more than anyone else would Change Pronouns. taylor who the series also only ever shows as being#misgendered As A Woman. whose drag / cisguise As A Woman is not treated in the same way a man's would be / is#whose emotive / expressive affect isn't either. billions like [the genders are m/f] to [perhaps also amab/afab] Tacked On#as something politely Extra you do to their face that doesn't actually change (threaten) your idea of what's just Normal & True#like it's normal & true that ugh god don't you hate the autistic people around you? don't you wish you could go sicko mode on them#so that they couldn't be around you anymore & they'd have brought it upon themself & really it was good of you b/c The Group Cohesion#thanks you & b/c you just gave them free ABA? yes yep Surely Unquestionably#problem isn't abuse & concomitant violation in & of itself. it's Bad to be someone that's done to. we will announce Exceptions#rest of you either you brought it upon yourself or you failed to Correct that you're not someone who inherently deserves it#that is: someone who just can & will Stop It if done to them. well so you see winston pushing back is ignored or treated to further#backlash & then he withdraws (expression of his experience / creation of a consequence which tells the other Stop Doing This)#&/or otherwise conveys displeasure / being hurt (same as before. ''uh well push back / express xyz'' ppl did & were steamrolled/ignored)
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so I realized the main four geats riders could all be tracked to the four stages of grief and the lamentation arc went hard so:
#kamen rider geats#psych scribbles#yeah so originally i was just drawing everyone at their lowest moment#slash when the opposite (emotion-wise) of their wishes seemed to manifest#and then i realized it was all lamentation arc#which yknow tracks#could i have chosen a different keiwa death?#yeah but i never claimed to be smart and the bubbles are aesthetic#plus if i did his first elimination id want him in his rider suit and i wasnt gonna put myself through that#also i originally had michinaga post-fight with the producer#but then i realized a) the piece was mid#and b) everything else was from lamentation arc so might as well try for cohesion#technically i couldve drawn him with jyamato!toru#but tbh the man's been through worse?#like michinaga's breaking point was pre-series that's why he's making Choices rn#also yes ofc i wrote out all of ace's wishes and then corrupted them to the point their illegible#why would i do anything else#anyways this interestingly means everyone is suffering while buffa is thriving so there's that
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(Really long ask ahead iām sorry!) I think your thoughts on dick and his similarities vs differences to bruce are so interesting! Personally iām wondering how much of NTT played an influence on this kind of characterization bc iāve never fully finished ntt but i read like nearly all the pre-80s batman 1940 issues lol and dick very much was portrayed as more idealistic than bruce in some ways while more no-nonsense (? For lack of better word) in other ways, like when it comes to batman easing up a little on selina for romance reasons LOL. Though ofc dick totally turns into - well, a dick - in team books, as i grow older i find myself far more compelled by a potential story of an 18 yr old who seemed to have the whole weight of the world on his shoulders (by his own perception) and breaking under his own impractically strong sense of duty and sky-high expectations for others, then realizing as he grows older that it doesnāt have to be that way esp after seeing the perspectives of characters like kory, wally, joey, roy, etc. Like personally as someone who never really had a huge interest in NTT anyway, iām surprised at how desperately people want to hold on to the characterization of dick when he was 18-19 and never letting him grow past that, like itās so difficult for me to believe that at age 25 he would be the same uptight controlling kid that he was at 19. Maybe iām biased though bc i was like one of those insufferable INTJ internet stereotypes as a teenager, and while that worldview did bring me achievements iām proud of like the fact that iām in med school rn studying what i love, i still know that at age 22 i have changed SO much from when i was 18 and i canāt imagine any reasonably mature or normally-functioning person (let alone someone high-functioning like dick) not doing the same lol. Especially since dick is the kind of person who would literally die if heās not constantly growing and evolving past his faults bc of his insufferable perfectionism, idk how heād be willfully blind to the negative effects of his worldview in early NTT and refuse to grow from there. He even has a quote thatās like āiāve spent years as a student of my own behaviorā which i always found highly encouraging bc i know he really does want to improve himself even at his worst. It reminds me of that Marcus Aurelius quote: āif someone can prove me wrong and show me my mistake in any thought or action, i shall gladly change. I seek the truth, which never harmed anyone; the harm is to persist in oneās own self-deception and ignorance.ā But what are your thoughts? (Thank you for reading all this š„¹)
oh i absolutely agree! i cannot tell you how many times i think about the person i was a couple years ago and who i am now like i cringe so much omg.. maturity is an ever persistent process even if we don't recognize its effects immediately and it absolutely is crazy to think that anyone would remain in such a static state of mind for several years on end. esp when like you said dick is someone who wants to be better! so despite his several hypocrisies it is nonetheless in his best interests to look internally and analyze and evolve. and i feel like that very much could have happened had there been any actual segue between dick's breakup with kory and his re-entry into the batfam. i don't think there was much of a connection between these two sets of writers at all and so what you got is what felt like two very distinct parts of dick's life that didn't necessarily reveal a bridge point. so it's not entirely unrealistic that dick may grow to be the person (at least to some extent) that bat canon portrayed him to be in the years that followed but i certainly think as it stands it felt unearned and like all of his issues explored in ntt were conveniently swept to the side without any semblance of closure (albeit i do think some of these issues are addressed in outsiders '03 but in that dickheaded way that winick explores things generally. so i'm not sure it's the kind of closure people actually want). it's very sad and ig that's what people cling to more than anything. it's not that they're opposed to him growing to be a better person but that they're opposed to a version of dick who feels like he sprung out of nothing
#ironically enough i Do think dick going back to gotham after the kory breakup made sense#like when something that big happens in your life what are you going to do. seek the advice of the one person you look up to more than anyt#ing right. but marv wolfman complicated things by writing bruce the way he did so rather than bruce playing an active part#in guiding dick through some of his issues and mistakes he instead became dick's burden to bear through extensive post knightfall trauma#and i mean you all know i Love knightfall. i really do it gives me brainworms upon brainworms#but i wish there had been just one moment. like after it was all over. that bruce and dick actually got to talk and like#discuss dick's problems yknow#i get the feeling they didn't delve much when writing prodigal bc they had to set up the next arcs and stuff but it's like#come on. come on. they could've afforded it. if dick really had to come back to gotham for a temporary stint where he tried to find himself#than a proper conversation with bruce about what he was going through should have been a part of that#bc i do think working with bruce's new cavalry of three teen heroes (tim / steph / cass) would have borne wonderful opportunities#for dick to grow as a leader and peer considering his ridiculous expectations of others and how this would measure up against teenagers#but the problem is that bat canon decided he was going to magically gel with everyone bc he was emotionally more well adjusted than bruce#was. like ok. ok. whateverrrrrrrr#like idk it's so funny they were given a dick with a plethora of issues and instead of using any of that ammo they were like nah#we're going to make our lives harder and give him new problems manifested out of thin air. totally makes sense. bullseye#outbox
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I just realized I canāt say Rene and Alois live in my head rent free. Like, they do pay rent.
The rent is emotional support
#not art#it took me like 9 years to realize this#which is also a wild realization all on its own#itās really been nine yearsā¦ in real world years rene is going to 5th grade this yearā¦#thatās just wild#theyāve literally supported me through so much#rene in particular bc heās like MINE mine. not like. an in-law#back in high school id pretend he was running with me when we did the mile#bc I could imagine him struggling and it was kinda funny so it kept me going#he was also the channel for so much vent art#he was kinda the guy Iād daydream with instead of daydreaming about real people and my self insert#it was a lot healthier (relatively speaking)#and he also pushed me to hone my art skills#I specifically learned how to draw that slicked back hairstyle just so I could draw him#and how to do a more western comic style#bc he looked awful in the anime style I used to have#he was kinda the catalyst behind a lot of the decisions that I ended up making. and he led me to my two best friends#he just means a lot to me ok#my little guy. who knew youād mean this much to me#who knew youād bring me so many good things#like crow and I obv met in the rp scene#but Keyx and I met bc I talked about how Rene was from marseille and they were like omg no one ever makes non-Parisian spies#and we got to talking#and eventually thatās why I even committed to studying abroad in Paris#well originally I wanted to go to marseille but they transferred me to Paris bc they didnāt have enough students at the marseille campus for#our major#which was fine I guess but I wish I had gotten to go to the marseille campus. it was way more chill.#even so I did meet a lot of nice classmates in Paris. they were mostly pretty accommodating to my lackluster French#anyway none of this wouldāve happened if i didnāt have Rene#so. yknow. heās my special little guy. so much of my life has changed just bc I have him.
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I know I should just block (and not OPEN) tags and posts ab '24 but my brain is stupid and likes to be informed even if it makes me worse
#marquilla#im not even joking when i say this next election makes me wanna kms so bad. im fucking terrified and i feel like we already know what's#gonna happen. not bc people arent voting or organizing i mean bc of how far the right has gotten and how angry they are that a#dem won so theyre gonna show up in droves and it's like god i wish we could idk have some safegaurds in place??? like oh idk you#incite an insurrection you Can't run for president?? but also that wouldnt fully stop shit bc florida has its own neo nazi running and#theres more behind him in the wings. but like idk man i just get so fucking suicidal thinking ab the future#and my drs. are like well then dont look at the news??? 'i sure dont' mkay thats great (not) but um i CAN'T not watch bc i need to#be informed i need to know. and they're like well then stop worrying ab it til election day?? LIKE THAT HELPS#so i just dont bring it up. and i just spiral and have breakdowns in the shower and think ab making a will and shit yknow normal stuff#bc this is fine! just dont engage! stop worrying it's like a year away! it MIGHT get better! idk Join in your community then??#like yes yes thats a start but with what fucking energy when im bedbound most of the time im not working and that doesnt stop these fascist#s like me helping the community garden would be good for the community and probably my mental health in general BUT that doesnt deal with#the actual fear that makes me wanna Kermit#like it really fucking feels like all i can do is pray and hope god somehow intervenes (rapture anyone?) and that things do go well and#that the outright outspoken nzis don't win but like I really just wanna die man#i know the outcome more than likely will not directly affect my life bc im white. cis passing. and can go back in the closet regretfully#but like that doesnt reassure me any bc i have friends and loved ones and generally just give a shit ab other people and how this WILL#affect them directly and that terrifies me. it really feels like we cant ever have a moment to just exist yknow??#idk man i just wanna die bc im so scared haha how fun (: how normal (: this is fine. everything is fine.
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bald gate.
#mine#finished my second run (first d4rk urge run) last night. deeply distraught in a good way#it was SO BEAUTIFUL. and i got so attached to my character i love him SO MUCH#i knew finishing his run and having to essentially let go of him was going to suck but wow it did suck i love him so dearly#sigh. at least i can invent a beautiful happy epilogue for him in my mind on top of the one the game gave me#which was also wonderful. i got the av3rnus k4rlach ending <3 and everyone seemed to be doing well#but you know. i'll never be able to really experience his adventure again :( it was so beautiful and it was so fun to play as him#love that little guy... <3#i want to start more runs asap but at the same time im so distraught by this one ending#and when i finished my first run i made myself a rule of going at least one day between the end of one and teh start of another#to avoid burnout and also to let myself process and get ready for a new playthrough yknow#but like. WAHHHHHHHH#i'm going to miss this character :( you can only play a d4rk urge for the first time once and he became very special to me#i wish i could draw...i'd just draw him all day every day
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yknow i feel comfortable liking the jp stars in particular bc they actually take care of themselves. like yeah they're hard workers, but they actually actively keep themselves well-fed and physically active despite often being indoors bc of the nature of their job
#with tmm at least i dont have to worry abt him suddenly being at risk of like...#yknow. *that*#myb worries me a bit#since he has a fairly weak constitution and has suffered from mental health issues due to how bad stuff were from the beginning#where they barely got any support from fans and got hate from all sides + constantly being overshadowed by h0lolive#and how he often stresses out bc of things that remind him of that past#but thankfully he's got someone like tmm who is a really good friend by his side#and always reassures him by saying that kinda stuff doesnt matter as long as he is enjoying what he's doing bc then the#viewers can tell and can enjoy it as well too#it's really good that š¦ is a fairly well-adjusted person so i rlly wish him success and hope all the jp stars get 200k#or more this year bc they rlly truly deserve it
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