#I do not want to think about wether the bones he used were real or not

[anthropology-with-cat]

I found an ‘interesting’ YouTube channel today.

I saw a video talking about plague corpse disposal from the black death.  The thumbnail was eye catching, and admittedly, pretty extreme. But I assumed it was just to get clicks and would primarily be educational.

I was so, so wrong.

The video’s base concept was about an island that was used as burial grounds for plague corpses. The island is off limits to the public (as it should be) but YouTube guy wants to see whats there.

By this point I have fully recognize that this is not an educational video and it’s just strange YouTube.

Then thing get worse. 

He gets onto the island via a loop hole in the law, and starts finding bones. Which at this point are small animal bones. Most likely chicken.

They move on to a different area where they start to find human remains. At first they were sticks, the camera showing them for a few frames. Then things got, questionable.

And while I’ve only taken an into to forensics anthropology, it’s pretty easy to tell that these bones were staged. Skeletons are not going to stay in articulation when in a tidal zone. The waves would move them out of out of association.  in the video, the segment had part of the pelvis, the femur and what appeared to be either another femur or the tibia. Again they didn’t linger. They ‘found’ a mandible after that. It was sitting arranged on a pile of shells.

I can’t tell if these were real remains, but regardless. If you spend an entire video talking about how bad you feel about these forgotten individuals then stage bones to be those forgotten individuals. You’re doing far worse, using deceased individuals real or not, just to generate clicks and views on a video.

[springcatalyst]

okay then. tell me more about trans fawns

YEAHHHHHH BAYBE

So essentially we as real-world humans base our (widely culturally accepted) idea of gender based on sex right? Fauns base their genders on horn shape. Biologically speaking, horn shape IS a secondary sex characteristic, and so has a correlation with sex, but fauns also have a relatively high rate of intersexism (not the right word but sounds closest. I can't find a word for 'the state of being intersex') and so you get a comparative lot of mixing of traits. The other secondary and primary sex characteristics don't matter. If you have x or y horn shape, that's your gender.

So because gender comes from the horns and faun children don't have visibly differentiated horns until anywhere from 10ish to 13ish, faun children are considered genderless. In order for a faun to know they're trans, they must have already grown horns past the point of being identifiably one shape or the other (or the other secret 3rd option that is a common intersex condition fauns accept as a 3rd gender). True horn has a bone core and so can't be removed- once it's there, it's there for good.

Which means two separate but related things: 1) fauns' ideas of gender are very strict and unchanging- they don't have strict gender roles like humans (or satyrs to an extent) do, but they have absolutely no cultural concept of altering gender in any way. If you're a ram, thats it forever and it is an unmoving, inherent fact that is as impossible to change as changing species. Even humans and satyrs have fairy tales about people who swap gender through otherworldly means, and trans humans/satyrs can be seen as their chosen gender if they conform to the preexisting ideas of it. It's still, of course, extremely difficult to get to that point, but if you look and act solidly like a doe, nobody is going to think too hard about if you used to be a stag. The present outweighs the past. But not for fauns. and therefore 2) trans fauns not only have to cross this cultural barrier in order to get to the point where they can think about transitioning, but will never, as long as people know what they were, be really seen as their chosen gender. And people will almost always know, because they can't get rid of their old horn growth. There is no invisibly transitioning for fauns. Hrt will make their horns begin to grow in the other shape, but they will still have the old form as it grew up until that point.

But that's where this secret 3rd option comes in. Because wethers, the 3rd gender beside ram and ewe, are defined by their horns which have both shapes. This occurs naturally in maybe 8-10% of fauns, simply growing that way from adolescence, but is also the shape that happens when fauns of any gender take fantasy hrt of the opposite one. So while fauns cant transition invisibly from ram to ewe, or from ewe to ram, they CAN from ram/ewe to wether.

Wethers are allowed a little bit more leeway in terms of how they function in their genders, and so this can still definitely be an improvement for trans fauns. But also, it might not be ideal for some of them who really want to flip more completely to the other gender. (Wethers are complicated, but are kind of both genders at once, and also neither, and also just their own separate one. It's not a sliding scale from ewe-wether-ram, but it's not not one.)

The nice thing about fauns though is that they dont really associate any sex characteristics (other than horns) with gender. So trans fauns dont have as much struggle in the dysphoria department solely because well... those things don't matter. A faun could have all female primary and/or secondary sex characteristics, but if hes got rams' horns (which happens as an intersex condition, but less commonly than wethers) hes still a ram full stop. this isnt even really seen as an inconsistency or oddity, it just is. Just because there are general patterns to horn shape + sex characteristics, doesnt mean theyre equated.

The exception, though, is in areas with high satyr/human populations. Because of the cross-cultural osmosis that happens, fauns can start to adopt more human/satyr concepts of gender and then these things DO start getting looked at sideways. A faun is still the gender determined by their horn shape, but if the other things dont 'match', then they can get treated juuuust oddly. More like a wether, but still not wether enough to BE a wether. They might get treated like a wether who's not doing it right.

[boytouya]

Hello can I request Mirio x ftm reader where the reader is jus having a day and is having thoughts about wether he’s faking being trans or not so Mirio is there to make him feel all better!! Thank you so much I really enjoy your writing!!!

𝐒𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐀 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐎𝐟 𝐑𝐚𝐢𝐧

Warnings: heavy talk of dysphoria, slight panic attack

a/n: thank you!! i hope this doesn’t offend anyone, it’s kind of hard to write out what dysphoria feels like, but i tried my best! if this offends anyone please let me know so i can change it! it’s kinda short so i may end up editing it to make it longer in the future, i apologize

Sometimes you wondered if it was worth it. There were days where your comfort clothes weren’t comforting, where no matter how hard you tried you were stuck with the idea that you didn’t pass. If you used makeup because you simply liked the way it made you look you felt like a fake, if it was used to make yourself look more masculine, you felt like a phony. If you hated it with all your heart you thought it was just internalized misogyny. What if you were faking it?

But surely that can’t be right. You felt as though nothing about you was right. You try so hard, so hard it hurts, but it feels like no matter what you’re just dragging yourself down. Why can’t you just be? You know this feeling is common. Other men like you experience it too, but when it’s happening you feel so lonely. Like you were put on this Earth to never be happy. Why can’t you be happy? Why can’t you live without thinking about what a “real man” (even though you are one) would do, why can’t you live without questioning your validity?

You find your binder both tighter than usual but simultaneously much too lose. You’re hyperventilating, but the numbness in your body doesn’t register it. As more rushed breaths escape your body, there’s a soft knock on the bathroom door.

“What’s up, buttercup? You okay in there?” Mirio, your boyfriend of almost two years could walk straight through the door if he wanted, but you could tell he was being cautious. Unable to give a verbal response, you open the door with shaking hands and allow strong arms to embrace you.

“I could hear you through the door,” Mirio speaks into your hair, his grip never wavering. He’s still in his hero costume, and there's a bit of grime on his cheek from whatever it was that he did today. You imagine the way his tongue pokes from his lips as he smiles at children whilst saving him. He truly was your guardian angel, your everything, and as Amajiki put it, your Sun. “Do you wanna talk about it? If you don’t want to that’s okay too.”

You don’t respond right away, instead you focus on Mirio’s heartbeat syncing with yours. It’s hard to muster up the courage to say exactly what you’re thinking. Even to Mirio, who’s someone you trust with your entire life.

“What if...I’m faking it?” Your voice is barely above a whisper, and for once it seems like Mirio doesn’t know what to say. Not until he pulls away with pursed lips. His large hands cup your face and wipe your tears (internally you scold yourself for crying), he needs a moment to gather what he wants to say.

“You’re whoever you want to be. There’s no such thing as ‘faking it.’ No matter what you’ll always be you. I see the way you light up when someone calls your name, there’s no faking that. And there’s no right way to just....be yourself, yknow? There’s no need to confine yourself,” He nods slowly as if satisfied with what he was trying to say, studying your face. “To me you’ll always be (Name). Perfect as always.”

And...he’s right. Although he’ll never understand what it’s like, he manages to break down some of your problems. It would take some getting used to, the idea that there’s no right way to transition, no right way to present yourself. It’s easier said than done, and you wonder if you’ll ever be free from the mental exhaustion of dysphoria and confinement based on it, but you do know that you’re valid. There’s no correct way to be yourself, as you’re already perfect. All you needed was Mirio by your side to be the happiest man in the world. By your side he would stay.

“On my way home I picked up some donuts. A sweet for my sweet?” Mirio jokes, incredibly happy with himself when you huff out a laugh at his pun. You nod with a tired smile. Grabbing your hand, Mirio leads you out the bathroom, away from the bone rattling grasp of dysphoria.

[blubberingmess]

[Beautiful]

Pairing: Bucky x plus size!reader

No plot, just your average normal smut :)

Warning: smut (m/f), slight dirty talk, daddy kink, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, cunt slapping, a very short thought about anal, unprotected sex (I can't rhyme, but yeah, use condom, kids.)

There's no denying at the fact that bucky loves his women thick, has a bit more meat on their bones. But what's more beautiful than a big curvy woman? Big curvy woman with confidence. It's a big turn on for Bucky, seeing a woman flaunting her beautiful assets without giving a single fuck to whoever tries to say otherwise.

So the moment Bucky met you, he just knew he'd be a total goner.

Your 'I don't give a fuck' personality, your body, the way you move, the way you carry yourself, it's everything Bucky ever wanted to a woman. How your chin is always held up high like a queen, It's beautiful - you're beautiful.

And you're his.

"Damn Bucky, your girl's looking good." Sam whistled in appreciation as the three of them-- Bucky, Sam, and Steve-- look over and saw you chatting with the rest of the guests.

You're wearing a luxurious red bodycon dress that hugs your curves, it also makes your ass look good than they already are, while also wearing those black stilettos that Bucky loves so much.

Bucky grins with pride at the awe look in his friends' faces, chuckling to himself. "What are you talking about? She always does."

It's true. No matter what you wear or if your hair is all over the place and looking like someone just ran over you (morbid, I know), you're still the most gorgeous human being Bucky had ever laid his eyes upon.

While Sam and Steve continues back on conversing about something Bucky don't really give a damn about, his eyes are fixated on you. Traveling up and down your round form like a predator hungry for his prey, unconsciously licking his lips when you down the rest of your drink.

How did he became so lucky?

You gave the guest a smile before turning your head towards the table where you know Bucky is seated, and saw him already has his eyes at you. Heart skipping a beat at the lovesick expression on his face, a look you know is solely meant for you.

"I have to go," you said to the guest without looking at them. Walking towards your man, purposely made your walk slow and teasing. He watched you with a hungry glint in his eyes as you made your way towards him, biting his bottom lip at the way you sway your wide hips from side to side. Sam and Steve already know what's going on and decided to leave the table to go to the bar instead, good for them.

You flashed your boyfriend a playful grin, placing both of your hands on his broad shoulders, unconsciously (or not) giving him an eyeful of your cleavage.

"Hi."

"Hi." He chuckled, grabbing your plump waist and giving it a gentle squeeze. "You look beautiful in that dress, baby."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." He then smirks. "But I rather see you without one right now."

You were about to open your mouth to tease him back when the music started blaring to a more upbeat song, a female voice calling for your name after. Breaking your gaze from Bucky, you saw Wanda waving her hand at you from the dance floor with Natasha on her side.

'Dance with us' Natasha mouthed.

You jerked your head down to Bucky, silently yelling at them in your head 'I'm busy!' Hoping they'd get it which they did, but sadly, didn't care as the two gave you puppy eyes.

Chuckling, you took a step back from Bucky, a frown visible on his face. "We'll finish this later."

He groans, leaning his head back. "You're a fucking tease, you know that?" You only winked as a response before making your way towards your two girl friends, while the dance floor started to be filled with dancing bodies.

Bucky is now left sitting there, feeling a bit annoyed from the interruption and also extremely aroused. He sighed, his pants that had tighten by just a small amount of time from your teasing, taking a sip of his champagne.

Nope, Bucky thought. I can't take this anymore.

The heated gaze you'd sent his way for the past twenty minutes while biting that kissable lip of yours, all while sexily grinding with the Wanda and Natasha to the beat of the music. It's all sent his body on fire, specifically, down south.

You just love torturing him don't you? Love how you can make him squirm and growl possesively at the sight of you, taking pride of every second of it.

Bucky slammed his third glass of champagne on the table before sauntering towards your dancing figure, pretending you didn't just saw the way he looks at you from afar.

"Hello ladies, can I borrow my girl real quick?"

You gave Bucky a knowing look while he just innocently smile in return, both knowing it'll be far from quick - maybe the whole night and early morning. Without actually waiting for a response from the two, Bucky practically dragged you away from the party by the wrist and in the elevator.

As soon as the elevator door closed, he slammed you to the wall and smashes his lips against yours heatedly. You moaned when you felt his tongue slithered inside your mouth, easily gaining dominance.

"Thought I didn't noticed your teasing, baby girl? Dancing in that pretty little dress of yours - fuck." Bucky groans, harshly squeezing your ass before letting go and giving it a nice slap.

It felt like hours before the door finally opens. Bucky, like the impatient man he is, crouched down carries you on his shoulder, his flesh hand not leaving your ass.

"Can't wait to fuck this ass," Bucky whispered to himself.

You both haven't talked about trying anal yet, but neither of you are against. Who knows? It might happen sooner or later, depends on how tempting you look - which is every fucking day.

He got to his door and hastily opens it, slamming the door shut with the heel of his shoe.

You giggle when he unceremoniously laid you down on the bed making you slightly bounce. He gave you a quick yet sweet peck on the lips before kneeling down on the edge of the bed.

You immediately strip out from your dress, leaving your body exposed with nothing but your lacey panty and your stilettos.

For Bucky, everything suddenly stilled as his eyes trails the length of your body, absorbing the sight in front of him. From his view, Bucky could see the wet mark in the middle of your panty, a clear sign that his baby is aroused and it's all because of him - just for him.

Gorgeous, Bucky thought to himself. Absolutely stunning.

Bucky snapped out from his lovesick daze the moment he saw you roll your hips against the mattress, silently begging him to do something - anything.

"It's okay, baby. I gotchu," he whispered as he began stripping off his clothes, giving you show. Slowly pulling off his coat and unbuttoning his shirt.

"I'm gonna fuck you so hard the only word that'll be coming out of your mouth tonight is my name." And it's not Bucky.

He smirks when he heard you let out a small moan, pulling his shirt off completely and kicking off his shoes. "You like the sound of that, baby girl? Bet you fucking do."

"Please Bucky."

"Patience, sweetheart." Was his only response before scooting down so he's now facing your clothed pussy, groaning as he inhaled your sweet scent.

"Fuck. Smell so good." He hooked his finger on your panty and moved it to the side. The sight of your glistening pussy made his cock twitch, already feeling the arousal forming at the tip.

"Bucky, please, I can't take it-- oh~" a pornographic moan escaped your lips as Bucky latches his whole mouth on your clit, sucking on it harshly while simultaneously using his tongue to rub the nub.

"F-Fuck, yeah, that's it." You gasped as he let go of your clit for a moment just to lick a fat strip from your entrance to the top, before once again latching his soft pink lips around your clit, sucking on it harshly like a pacifier.

"So good - yes! Yes! Yes!"

One of the things that you love about Bucky is that he doesn't half-assed on pleasuring you, making sure you're satisfied wether it's a quick fuck or a long hours of love making. He will eat you out like a starved man, temporarily ignoring the very strong urge to just slam you down and drill into you like he wanted.

He will always put you first.

Bucky sat back up before you could even reach your peak, gently rubbing his fingers up and down your slit.

"Bucky, plea-- ah!" You let out a small scream when he suddenly gave your clit a slap, not enough to actually hurt but enough to make you jolt in surprise.

"Wrong name, baby girl," he growls out all while pulling off his pants as well as his boxer, throwing it somewhere around the room. His dick is standing up thick and proud, a small drip of precum on top.

Oh, he's in that mood huh?

"Daddy, please fuck me. I can't take it anymore," you begged, pulling your knees up and spreading your legs apart, giving him a clear view of your wet cunt.

"Fuck, baby, look at that." Bucky is in awe as you completely exposed yourself to him. It's not your first time having sex, but damn, does it feel like it everytime.

That's is all your fault. You made the man insatiable; made him crave for you all day - everyday. He cannot seem to get enough of you no matter how many times he gets a taste, and he don't think he will ever get enough.

Bucky grabs his rock hard dick and gave it a few pumps. The sight of you spread out for him like this, it feels like a dream.

"So wet and needy. Is this all for me, baby?" He asks, tapping the head of his cock against your clit a few times, before sliding it up and down your slit in a teasing manner.

Bucky grunts in disapproval when he didn't hear you answer and just moaned at his lazy rubbing. He pulls his cock away and gave your cunt another warning slap, making you jump in surprise.

"Use your words."

"Yes daddy, I'm sorry," you whimper as Bucky began circling your red and swollen cunt, spitting on it before pressing two flesh fingers inside in one go.

As much as Bucky likes to see you come undone by his metal fingers, he loves the feel of your slick walls against his flesh ones. Feeling your arousal around his fingers, so warm and velvety - especially around his cock.

You gasped out loud when he began thrusting hard and fast, prepping you up. Even with his fingers bucky can still feel how tight you are, getting him all more excited than he already are.

He placed his metal hand on the back of your thighs, pushing it up so he could take a better look and he knows you like it that way.

He added a third finger and your puffy cunt just swallows his fingers hungrily, coaxing him to push his fingers inside knuckles deep.

"Yes Daddy, oh my gosh!" You can feel the your stomach tightening. Bucky started to feel your walls clenched on his fingers, a clear indication that you're about to come.

"Come for me, (Y/n)." He doesn't have to say it because your legs clamped around his arm, rolling your hips through your orgasm as you moaned his name out loud.

Bucky didn't waste any more time and hover above your body, lining his throbbing cock at your entrance. In one swift thrust of his hips, he had buried himself inside. Bucky groans as your walls deliciously squeezed him, already wanting to milk him dry.

"Shit - relax, doll. You're squeezing me too hard." You breathe in and out, eyes clenched tightly as you relax yourself on the mattress.

Bucky smiles, leaning down to kiss you lovingly and comfortingly on you forehead. "That's it, baby girl. Relax." Slowly, he began to grind his hips against yours. His eyes locked on your face as it contorts to a look of pure pleasure, your breathing started to get ragged as his thrusts gets harder; much more faster.

Before you know it, he was now pounding your slick cunt. The wet obscene noise, slapping of skin to skin is now much more audible.

"Fuck me harder, Daddy. Please!" And harder he goes. He hooked his strong buffy arms around your thighs and placed them on his shoulders, before slamming into you over and over again. At this point you are now screaming in pleasure, head tilting back as your body bowed.

Bucky's gaze trails down from yours face, down to your soft breasts, your round middle, and then down to where you both are connected. He could see your wetness coating the base of cock. A particular roll of his hips got your toes curling, instinctively jolting up, your nails digging shallowly on the skin of his back, marking him.

You squealed. "Fuck!"

"Right here, princess?" He asked as he keeps on hitting that spot again and again. He sat up, gripping your thick thighs tightly and resumes his fast pounding.

You opened your eyes and witnessed how Bucky's face morphs into a blissful look; eyes closed tightly and his head tilted back. A fine sheen of sweat covering his chest making him look so good.

"I'm gonna come," you gasped. You could tell he is too because his thrusts are getting sloppy and desperate. Your legs shakes as you came, moaning and chanting out his name 'Bucky' like a prayer.

With your walls fluttering around him and that lewd, fucked out look on your face sent him over the edge.

He groans as he came deep inside of you, staying balls deep for a few moment before pulling out. He watched as his cum drips out of your hole, soaking the sheets underneath you.

"Fuck, look at that. Such a good girl for me," he praised. You could feel him slides himself inside a few times and then completely pulls out, laying down next to your spent body.

You're heart is beating fast against your chest, not because from the sex (although that's mainly the reason) but for the man you've just did it with.

Bucky is still gasping, pupils are still dilated as he turn his head to the side to look at you. A fond smile formed on his lips when he noticed that you're already focused at him.

"You okay, princess?" He asked, now turning his body to his side. He lifted his metal hand up when he noticed your eyes are still a bit teary and dazed, gently holding your cheek in his large palm.

"Great," you breathed out before flashing him a soft pleased smile. You were about to stand up to clean yourself up when Bucky quickly grasped your wrist, pulling you back onto to mattress, caging your body with his.

Looking down at you with a playful glint in his eyes, cocking his head to the side. Something hard poking your belly and you don't need to put two on two together to know what's about to happen next.

"You're insatiable."

"What can I say? I have a wife who just looks so stunning and perfect every single fucking day." He chuckles darkly. "It's hard to not want to fuck you on the nearest surface - fill your pussy up until you're dripping with my cum, until--"

He stops.

Suddenly, his eyes slightly widens. You waited, he seems to be having an inner battle with himself. Eyes darting around your face, searching for something you don't quite know.

"Are you okay, baby?" Bucky's whole body tensed up at the word, though quickly relaxing soon after. Soft blue eyes flickering from yours and down to your round belly then back up, silently suggesting -- begging -- for something.

Oh boy.

This is my first ever smut and It feels like my first fic all over again.

[weaselle]

here’s the truth about drugs if you’re wondering.

They are fun, awesome, sometimes damn near holy experiences. Even bears and moose and dolphins get drunk and high, it seems like a pretty natural part of this earth; I think almost everyone should have the opportunity to have a good drug experience.

BUT.

There are two things to address. Addiction, and the other big problem with drugs. Which I’ll get to.

First, a lot of what we associate with addiction, things like not taking care of yourself as you devote more and more of yourself to the drug... those things are probably actually signs that our Rat Park is outta wack. Lemme explain. 

No, is too much, let me sum up.

early experiments showed that captive rats, when presented with a food button and a heroine button, would sometimes only use the heroine button, and starve to death even though they knew they could have food at any time. But then another scientist one day years later said “y’know, those rats were kept in small sterile individual cages in a lab - they didn’t really have much to live for to begin with.” So he made a Rat Park, with everything a rat need: wheels to run in and a variety in their diet and a couple little puzzle-y toys and they lived in a group together because rats are social creatures like us but with plenty of space for rats to get some alone time or not want to be on the same side of the habitat as That One Rat because rats are social creatures like us.

And also heroine. There was one colored dish in one place with water, and another colored dish in another place with water and also heroine.

And they found that the rats would use the heroine recreationally, occasionally, and overall preferred the water without it. They definitely didn’t starve themselves to death over it. 

But that doesn’t make addiction any less real. It’s just something to realize. It’s less about any kind of personal failure, and more about a societal failure. And there is definitely a chemical component too, that with repeated usage is capable of literally rewiring parts of the brain, so like, addiction is a serious thing. But there are ways around it, mostly focused on very controlled and rare usage, with some kind of social component.

But the SECOND big problem with drugs is, basically, they get worse the more you do them. 

Like, the first few times you take a drug, it’s going to be way better than the next few times. Which will be better than the next few times after that. The drug is running the same chemical program on your brain wires, but they aren’t as excited to tell you.

WHICH MEANS. If you’re going to do drugs, it should be planned (what will I be doing, where will I be) overseen or guided (the ideal guide A has done it before and B is sober this time, but at minimum there should be other people there and someone in the group should have researched it) and scheduled (once or twice a year? five times in your whole life?). 

It should be treated like a special, nearly once in a lifetime experience, because the next time you do this drug, it’s not going to be as good. It might be almost as good, you might not notice, but by the tenth time it’s going to be really noticeable. And it gets much more noticeable as time goes on. The more you space out the usage, the smaller the difference in quality - if you do a crazy drug for the very first time on Friday and then again on Saturday, there is almost certainly going to be a very big difference in the quality of your experience. Whereas if you wait a whole year or more, the difference might be so slight you decide you actually liked the second time better.

Sure, maybe you choose to go on a little run. Maybe you decide, this is the summer I do a bunch of acid, and then that’s your lifetime’s experience with LSD. But do that shit on purpose, not accidentally. Really decide what you are going to experience each time, because with every drug, the first few are magical, and it’s all down hill from there. All the negatives remain (and tend to stack). All the positives keep diminishing. 

(which is why it’s a good idea for everyone to agree to save a couple big ones and a couple medium ones for medical use, because pain relievers work the same way and if you get hit by an SUV driving through the front of a Starbucks some fine day you’ll be glad you didn’t spend any recreation time building up an immunity to whatever the hospital is going to give you when they cut your leg open and bolt a metal rod to the bone. Or whatever)

With the common stuff, like caffeine, THC, and alcohol, you want reasonably moderate usage when using (don’t use an absurd amount) and you want a solid more-days-sober-than-not usage ratio. Having to stop and work out wether you’ve had more days off it than on it is probably a good sign you should cut back. Like, dumping too much of that stuff through your system is stressful for your body on many levels, be nicer to yourself than that. And even caffeine and weed, tho less acutely, are subject to the diminishing returns rule of drugs. It all gets less good the more you do it. So ration it a bit, give yourself the best experiences you can. 

And lastly, for gods sake, wait until you’re solidly mid 20′s. Like have A joint each year in highschool or whatever, but the human brain isn’t finished forming until about 25, and you don’t want to fuck with that. All the ways it sucks to feel when you’re a teenager? That’s the LAST STUFF your brain figures out how to deal with, like, on a physical level, and it uses chemicals to do that -- don’t throw a bunch of outside chemicals into the mix, that’s not good. Wait until you’re like 25, don’t be in such a godsdamn rush.

source: I waited until I was 20 and then spent the next 20 years living through a whole bunch of both good and bad drug decisions. 

[mothman-stolemyeyebrows]

Tma entities I could be aligned with and my statements to go along with them (because I’m bored)

The buried

When I was little my sister and I would play a game. I forget what we called it, but in this game one of us would sit in the space between our parents bed and the wall, it was about two and a half feet down, and it was tight. The other would push all the pillows blankets so the person in the crevice was buried, and couldn’t move. I liked this game. I liked being the one who was buried, the one being trapped in the dark yet comforting blackness of the pillows and blankets, unable to escape on my own. I’ve always been small, almost sickly looking, so I always found the best hiding spots in hide-n-seek. I’ve always been able to find the tiniest spaces and comfortably contort my body to fit. I could hide for hours in places people wouldn’t even think to search, because they were far too small for a living person to fit comfortably. Last summer I went caving with my brother’s Boy Scout troop. My cousin came along as well. We went deeper and deeper, and as the walls closed in my cousin began to panic. It was up until this point they had thought they had no phobias, but here they were, on the verge of tears in what felt like miles under the ground. I, on the other hand, felt safe. It briefly occurred to me as we were going through a space so small we had to crawl they somebody ahead of me could get stuck and I wouldn’t be able to move, or the cave could collapse, but the thoughts didn’t bother me. I felt at home in the crushing darkness of mud and stone. After hours deep inside the earth, we left the cave. This made me sad, because I didn’t want to leave, I wanted to stay in the cold embrace of the cavern.

The corruption

The ants won’t leave. In my old room they were there. They crawled up the. Side of my bed, and up the wall. I watched them. Recently my house was reorganized and I got a new room. They’re here too. The ants weren’t here before, but still. I watch them. I go to take a shower and I look to the wall. Ants. There’s so many of them. My house isn’t old or dirty, neither is my bedroom, yet the ands crawl up and down the walls, and I can’t look away. I go to grab a drink from the fridge in my garage, I look down and I see a price of rotting food on smooth cement floor. The acts cover it. A blob of black, with hundreds of ants coming and going. I feel disgust, and yet I can’t look away. I watch them. I watch them work together, crawling in and out of a crack in the wooden steps. They are happy. The ands will be well fed because of this disgusting smear of sugary syrup of the floor. I hate them, but I cannot look away. When people look at me they think I’m sick. They see my bony frame and plaid complexion and become concerned, but I am not. I haven’t been sick in years. As my siblings contract the flew, strep throat, and even Lyme disease, I do not get sick. I am weak, and my body aches, but I haven’t been sick in years.

The spiral

When I was very little, my legs gave out. For months leading up to this I was in terrible pain, but the doctors told my parents that it was nothing. I was going to be fine. After I was a able to support ant weight my mother took me to the ER. The doctor went pale. In a very precise tone, a tone that had been practiced over and over, no emotion, just words, he told my mother that I had to be rushed to the children’s hospital, and there was no time to call an ambulance. My mother was distraught. She thought she was going to lose her child. I stayed in the hospital for two weeks. Those weeks were filled with CAT scans and MRIs. A tiny child, only three years old, being hooked up to big scary machines, and they didn’t know why. What was wrong with them? For a little while the doctors thought it might be brain cancer, but there was no tumor. Nothing. The doctors then thought it was simply arthritis, but they threw that idea away as well. I was discharged, and still nobody knew what was wrong. The once intelligent child who knew their shales and colors, who could already count at the age of three, forgot. They forgot all the impressive things they had learned, and had to start over. But nothing was wrong with them. I look in the mirror. I like the person I see. They are small and thin. They are beautiful to me. But something is off. Everything about them seems long. Their arms, their legs, their fingers, their toes, their feet, even their neck. The clothing they wear doesn’t fit quite right, their sleeves and pant legs are too short, and yet their clothing is too big. Their body moves and contorts in ways it shouldn’t. As they move the sound of gravel echos through their bones. The bright colors they wear contract against their sickly pale skin. Something is wrong with them. Nothing is wrong with them.

The Stranger

I’ve been told I look fake. “A porcelain doll” my mother says. “A mannequin?” A stranger asks. But no, I am real. What could it be that makes people question wether or not I am alive? It could be the odd stare as I sit perfectly still, tuning out the noise and the movement around me. It may be my ivory completion, oddly smooth and soft despite the lack of care it’s given. The odd proportions of my gangly body that come across as almost cartoonish. I love the theater. I love putting on a costume and pretending to be somebody else. I’ve never felt more like myself than when I’m somebody else. I sit in the dressing room drawing on a new face. The clothes I wear are old and smell of moth balls from being packed away for so long, but now I wear them, and I am not me. I enjoy this.

[zevlors-tail]

Stained Glass

Pairing: Villain Deku/Izuku X Hero!Reader

Description: Deku wants the reader to join the LOV, however, he has to convince them to do so first. But honestly, it might not be that hard after the Hell they’ve been through, lately. A year can change a lot in a person.

Warnings: Kidnapping, gaslighting, manipulation, emotionally vulnerable reader, emotional abuse, mentions of stalking, pretty sure this is basically yandere but without the violence? and of course, Villain!Deku, but softish. No physical violence or abuse, just a hell of a lot of brainwashing and manipulation, tiny mention of blood at the end.

A/N: I’m a sucker for Villain Izuku, and I wanted to try a few different emotional tropes out. This is half a vent fic via reader, and I needed a place to put all of my feelings. Sorry not sorry lol. I really feel like this is utter garbage. I got really tired towards the end and I might go back and edit and extend the ending later. I don’t really know if I like it, but I wrote it and it’s here, so if one single person enjoys it other than me then I guess I did my job! :)

“They broke you, didn’t they? They shattered you into tiny bits and pieces like glass, and then they had the audacity to ask why you don’t smile anymore. But, don’t worry,” Izuku cooed, “don’t you worry one bit, doll! I’ll put you back together piece by broken piece, until all the shards make a beautiful picture- just like stained glass! You’ll be my masterpiece.”

His words rang in your brain, echoing off the walls and reverberating through your ears as the weight of the situation at hand started to slowly sink in. Here you were, hands tied behind your back and legs tied to the chair underneath you, unable to move and speak despite the fact that there was no gag in your mouth. Maybe it was the shock that kept you from speaking, or maybe, after all this time, you just felt utterly exhausted and ready to give up. You had been here for god only knows how long (you weren’t sure how much time had passed; it could have been two days or two months for all you knew), and you had no idea where you were or how you’d gotten here. The last thing you could remember was patrolling around your city when a lesser known villain had attacked, and you had put up a valiant fight against them until they hit you with a blast of their quirk and knocked you out. You guessed that it might have been the work of Deku that got you here, but you weren’t entirely sure what all had happened after you blacked out.

“That’s all you want, right? For someone to notice you, to pay attention to you when you’re hurting, to hold you and put you back together when you come undone. I can be that person, doll! I can be the one to save you when you’re drowning in yourself!” He grinned a cheshire cat grin, his emerald eyes sparkling hopefully at you. “I promise you, I’d never let anything or anyone hurt you, ever. The others- they never cared, did they? They let you parade around with that terrible fake smile while you were dying on the inside. Kachann and Uraraka, they let you suffer. Todoroki, too. I watched you all; I watched as you desperately tried to reach out to them, and I watched as they blatantly ignored you. I saw the devastated look on your face when you realized no one truly cared about you. But you were wrong, because- well, I care about you! I’ve always cared about you, Y/N! Even while I was away this past year, you’re all I ever thought about. I couldn’t stop thinking about you...about you with me, and about us, together.”

You didn’t want to believe any of it. Sure, you’d been feeling really lonely lately, and yes, you had tried to reach out to the others, but...they were just busy, right? There’s no way they had intentionally ignored you. Right...? “You’re wrong,” you replied, though it was weak and did little to phase the man in front of you. Izuku still held that delusional glint in his eye, and you felt yourself slowly starting to cave, doubts swimming around in your head while an empty feeling gnawed on your heart and settled in your bones. “They’re my friends. They’ll come looking for me, and they’ll find me. ” Even as you spoke, you realized that it was a lie you were telling yourself to feel better. “They care about me.” You weren’t sure that they knew you were missing at all.

“Do they, though?” He cocked his head in question, an apprehensive look washing over his features as he placed a gloved hand under your chin.

“Of course they do!” You couldn’t deny the anxiety bubbling up in your chest. Suddenly it was hard to think straight, and you scrambled to back up your claim. “They-they’ve been there for me a lot-”

“Like when?” he immediately countered, his grip tightening on your jaw.

You had a hard time answering for a while, but there was still a sliver of hope in you as you hastily came up with something. With all the defiance you had left in you, you mustered up the courage to look him straight in the eye before replying, “They were all there when you disappeared and left me, Izuku.” 

Dead air hung between the two of you for a moment before his hand slowly slid off your face, his thumb lingering on your jaw momentarily. For a second he glared at you cooly, but as soon as you blinked that delusional smile was back, and along with it, a maniacal laugh that tapered off into sounds of frustration. “How many times do we have to go over this, doll? I told you, everything I did, I did for you! Why can’t you understand that!? I joined the League of Villains so that I could become stronger for you, so that I could properly protect you from things even heroes can’t beat. Every little thing I’ve done has always been for you, Y/N! Kachann, Uraraka, and Todoroki...they’re only trying to stand between us. They never accepted us for who we truly are; me, a villain, and you...Y/N, you’re so special. I love you, all of you. Can you say the same for them? Did they really love every broken piece of you? They were only happy when you smiled. They didn’t really want to listen to your pain, did they? They made you feel like a burden, like you were too much for them. So you kept it inside, didn’t you? You carried all that weight around on your shoulders alone. All that disappointment, all that failure, all that hopelessness...”

And he was right. 

Lately, you felt the weight of the world on your shoulders. Not good enough. Failure. Burden. These were things you told yourself on a daily basis. Your ‘friends’ knew you had been a little down and out recently, but it seemed that no one really knew the extent to which the events of this past year had affected you. With each and every passing day, it was getting harder to fake the smiles. As a hero, it was your job to bring hope to people and save them while making sure they still had their faith in the world, but you could barely believe in anything yourself, and you felt like a fraud. How could you have any faith left when the people you loved and trusted the most kept abandoning you? After your boyfriend, Izuku, had gone missing, you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You would give your best fake reassuring smile to people all day, and then at home you would fall apart. Wether it was in the bath, the bed, or on the kitchen floor (you had no dining table since you could barely afford essentials at the moment), you would find yourself having break downs and unable to cope with life. You often tried to reach out to your friends, and yet, whenever you dropped hints that something was wrong, whenever you openly tried to talk, it seemed they were too busy and lacked the time, or simply didn’t want to acknowledge you and your problems. You told yourself that this was because they too were coping from the disappearance of their best friend, and that maybe this was their way of dealing with it. But then you started noticing things, like how they would text each other without you while you were all in the same room, and how you suddenly were left out of most events they planned, or how any plans they did make with you were always canceled or had to be rescheduled to another time. Once, Uraraka even left you on read the whole day after failing to meet up for a simple mall trip. You were growing tired of it. 

On top of all of that, your home life was not good either. You constantly felt drained from all the negativity you were drowning in, and it took extra energy just to keep in touch with people outside of your small friend group, if you could even call them that anymore. You barely had the energy to do anything other than sleep and watch TV. You hadn’t heard from your parents in ages either, but that was hardly surprising considering that they had kicked you out of their house last year for “being a lazy bum”. The truth of the matter was that hero work as a sidekick did not pay well, especially if you worked for an unpopular agency such as the one you were currently at, and so your parents had decided to force you out of the house so that you could find a “real job”. Now you were working small part time jobs in your spare time just to make rent. And as if you needed the cherry on top, both of your bosses had been smothering you with extra work and responsibilities for the past few moths. Never in your entire life had you felt so overworked, exhausted, and alone.

When Izuku got no response from you, he frowned deeply and leaned back on the balls of his feet, his arms crossed over his chest and his hip cocked out to the side. His sickly praises clearly weren’t working; you must have still had strings attached from your previous way of life before him, before here and now. Well then, he would just have to cut you down and free you from all those entanglements. Soon you’d join him. He’d make you see. But first...first he had to break what was left of you.

“My poor, poor Y/N. I can only imagine what life must be like for you. You must feel so tired after working those long hours at your second job. And you want so desperately to be a rising hero, yet your boss never seems to notice your effort, does he? But he notices every time you make a mistake, counts them all at the end of the day and degrades you for it. You’ll never be enough for him. You’ll never live up to his expectations, and you’ll never be a pro hero. So why are you still pining for validation? Why are you still trying? You’ll never get it from him.”

You looked up at your captor with wide e/c eyes, tears welling up against your will. Never in your life had you thought the person you trusted the most would say those words to you. You felt a crack form in the depths of your soul as you stared at him forlornly, any trace of hope left in you evaporating by the minute. Seeing the devastated look on your face, Izuku just smirked and continued on, tearing your heart out with every syllable that left his lips.

“Look at you. Those bags under your eyes are hideous, doll. They’ve really been overworking you, haven’t they? When was the last time they gave you a break from anything? The last time you had a day off? I bet all you want right now is to curl up into a nice warm bed and sleep for days, maybe even a whole week. Do you even remember what that’s like? After all, you only have that meager sleeping bag at home. It must be so uncomfortable and stuffy.” He moved to stand behind you, his hands grasping firmly on to your shoulders as he kneaded into them. You let out an involuntary shudder at the pleasant sensation; you couldn’t remember the last time you had been touched before now. “There’s so much tension in your shoulders. How do you even work like this?” Just as you were getting used the feeling of his fingers massaging your neck, he tore away and circled back in front of you. “Aren’t you tired of eating noodles from a cup all day? It’s disgusting, really, and unhealthy for you. You’re barely scraping by on rent, and you must feel so lonely in that tiny apartment of yours with no furniture. How much longer are you going to be able to live like that?” He sighed in mock lament as he carried on. “You’re pathetic, weak, a waste of space to everyone. They don’t want you around.”

A hiccup escaped from you at the insults. “I- Please, sto-” you cried, but he cut you off mid plea.

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, Y/N. It’s not your fault that you’re weak, not at all! You never asked for them to hurt you. All of this is just so unfair, isn’t it? You’ve only ever wanted the best for your friends and family, and you were always there for them. Every time your mother called to rant about her new boyfriend of the week, you were there. Every time your father went off the deep end, you were there. Every time one of your friends was in peril, who jumped in to save them from the haphazard situations they put themselves in? You, doll! It was always you! And this-” he flung his arms into the air to emphasize his point, “this is how they repay you!? By leaving you alone in the hands of a villain? By abandoning you in your time of need? They never cared about you. They only cared about appearances, about their hero ratings and their popularity, about how many fans they could take from you so their own numbers would go up. Uraraka said it herself during our years at UA; she’s only in it for the money! They’re greedy, every last one of them! They left you alone, broke you down, abandoned you when all you needed was someone to be there. How lonely it must have been for you to sit there and sob in an empty apartment, to know no one was listening as you begged for things to end as they were. But I was there, doll; I was listening! I’ve been listening this whole time! From the very beginning, I’ve only ever wanted what’s best for you. I never really left you; I’ve always been there, watching over you from the shadows, making sure nothing terrible happened to you. So many times I wanted to whisk you away and wrap my arms around you, doll, but there was never a right time. That’s why I had to wait; it’s why it took me a whole year to finally save you from them. But I’m here now, and I promise, Y/N, I’ll never let you out of my sight again.”

You were full on sobbing now. He had broken you completely, shredded the last of your hope and faith in your friends and family.

“Oh doll, don’t cry! Don’t cry, my love! I’m here!” You watched through tear clouded eyes as he stooped to your level on one knee and gazed lovingly at you, his hand resting under your chin once again. “I know they always made you feel like you were too much for them, but the fact of the matter is that they were never enough for you. They never deserved a fraction of your time, doll. They never loved you. I’m the only one who could ever truly love you. So join my League of Villains, and rule beside me.” 

He spoke with such conviction, as if he knew with absolute certainty that he had you hook, line, and sinker. He watched the gears turn in your head, saw the desperate look in your eyes, and decided to give one final push to ensure you would come to your senses about this.

“Say you’ll join me and be mine, and I’ll make all your problems disappear.” He leaned his face in close to you, his lips barely brushing yours before they lightly dragged across your jaw to your ear. The sensation left little sparks of electricity crackling on your skin as he whispered his promises to you. “You’re barely scraping by now, but I could give you so much more. I could give you a place to stay, a roof over your head with no strings attached. I would gladly share my living space with you for free, Y/N. I’ll even pay you if you that’s what you want, and you won’t have to lift a single finger. How does that sound? You wouldn’t have to worry about rent anymore, which means no more sleepless nights on thirds at the local grocery just to make extra money, either.”

You sniffed and blinked back more tears as you considered the idea of not having to drag yourself out of bed every damn morning and evening just to survive the week, of not having to constantly worry about what your boss was going to say or do to you about the declining quality of your work (of course it was only getting worse because of how utterly exhausted you felt all the time).

“Oh doll, you look so tired and worn out... I could fix that too, if you’d let me. I’ll share my bed with you if you’re ever feeling weary. It’s comfortable and spacious enough for us both, and I promise not to disturb you while you rest. It’ll be better than that thin sleeping bag you’ve been using; trust me, your shoulders will thank you, my dear.” One of his hands ghosted down the back of your neck as if to remind you of his touch earlier.

“...Really?” you quietly asked, and he immediately pulled away from your ear to grin at your response.

“Of course, doll! And, if you’re ever feeling lonely-” He gently embraced you in his warmth, his face nestling in your hair and arms wrapped securely around your smaller frame. “I’ll wrap my arms around you, and I’ll hold you, and I’ll listen to you if that’s what you want. You don’t have to be alone anymore, Y/N. It’s okay now, because I’m here.”

You felt more tears spring to your eyes as a new feeling blossomed in your chest. You weren’t entirely sure what it was, but you didn’t really care, either. All you knew was that you no longer had to suffer through the mess of your life. Even if he was a villain, and even if you were broken, the two of you shared twisted love together, and that was enough for you. You were just happy to have him back, to feel some reprieve from the hell that was your life this past year.

“Please don’t leave me!” you begged, your voice hoarse and eyes red from crying so much. “Please stay...”

“Shhh, it’s alright, doll. I promise I will never leave your side, ever. I’ll always love you. Just say you’re mine. Tell me you’ll join me and I’ll give you everything you’ve ever wanted. I’ll take you out on dates, I’ll love you more than anyone ever could, I’ll feed you and hold you and take care of you! You’ll see! Just say you’re mine!”

“I’m yours! I’ll join you, please just don’t leave me-!” You wanted so desperately to reach your arms up around him and cling to him for dear life. You were so terrified the only person left in your life would leave, and you didn’t think you could handle it if he did. Izuku, sensing your distress, gave a guttural laugh and pulled away from you, leaving you a whimpering, shaking mess still tied to the chair.

“I knew you would say yes! Oh, doll, I promise to take such good, good care of you! I swear it on my life!” He suddenly produced a knife from somewhere in his coat, the metal already stained with blood and rusting around the edges. You felt a surge of fear rush through you as he slunk behind you with the knife raised, but to your relief, you felt him cut through the binds around your sore wrists. “Easy, doll. I’m just giving you your freedom back.” 

As soon as your hands and legs were free, you nearly fell over trying to bolt up from the chair to get to Izuku. You were about to throw yourself on him when he surprised you by picking you up bridal style, and suddenly you were being carried away from it all, away from your troubles, away from all the terrible memories of abandonment and loneliness.

“Izuku? Where are we going?”

“Home, my love. We’re going home.”

[big1ron]

The Venator “Resolute” had jumped right into a separatist trap. Somehow a virus infecting the main computer has scrambled the hyperspace jump coordinates, and now the companies on board were outnumbered and without reinforcements, deep in separatist space. A few last, desperate SOSs to nobody, and the ship was quickly overwhelmed with fire. The Resolute was going down. But not before each of the escape pods could be jettisoned.

————- Chapter Six: Rescue. -————

- as always sorry for the wait and length. But here you go! May receive small edits later. -

There were a few moons in the system to check over, and they couldn’t waste much time. This was separatist controlled space and they had already shot down one Venator. Plo Koon didn’t want his fleet to be next. Still, he opted to be deployed with the rest of his Wolfpack. Leaving the fleet to Admiral Coburn. Now that he was closer to the system, he could feel Anakin and Ahsoka in the force. He took a gunship down with Wolffe and his personal squad to the command outlet the message had been sent from, as that was where they were most likely to find them.

Echo pulled up beside Jesse, now free of Kix as Kix got too fed up with the constant tripping and was now walking by himself. Jesse was still carrying Dogma, who was resting his head on Jesse’s, eyes closed.

“did he actually fall asleep?” Echo poked him in his injured side and he jolted awake with a hiss of pain.

“Well he’s not sleeping anymore” comments Jesse as echo flinches in sympathy, clearly not having intending for that poke to hurt badly.

“You karking bantha fur osik rag shabuir better kriffing have one hell of a karking good reason for doing that.” Dogma cursed angrily. Kix stifled a chuckle.

“No I just wanted to see if you were awake.”

“Jesse, if you would be so kind.” Jesse took a step closer to Echo and Dogma smacked him upside the head.

“Hey no, that’s not fair! You two teamed up on me you’re not meant to do that!” Echo complained, rubbing his head

“You did deserve that” says coric.

“You too?! You’re supposed to be the neutral party you shabuir!”

Tup continues his trek forward, now using his weapon as a walking stick, when he hears a clones voice. He can’t make out what they said but he stops and looks around.

He hears shouting and chatter but when he determines the direction they’re coming from and heads towards it, he doesn’t see anything.

Great. More hallucinations. He thinks. Maybe from the dehydration this time. He ignores it when he hears a more clear

“Hey! Trooper! Over here!”

He starts walking again, in the same direction, but he hears running footsteps behind him. He turns around and points his stick at whatever it is.

“Who is this!? Are you even real or am I just actually going crazy now?”

He’s face to face with a Wolfpack clone. But he doesn’t lower his weapon until he gets his response.

“Woah, vod calm down. This is the 104th, here to retrieve you. I’m sparker. Come with me, let’s get you back to the transports ok?” He had the signature warmth of the 104th’s relief devision but tup couldn’t quite believe it. Still, he cast his stick aside and followed Sparker back to his squad.

He gained a few strange looks from the rest of the squad as he still looked quite wild. A wave of self consciousness washed over him.

They located a couple other 501st members as well before returning to the gunship, marked with the signature “plo’s bros”. There he was looked over by a medic, and told to sit tight for the trip back to the venators in orbit.

Plo Koon’s gunship landed at the outpost that had relayed the message. Three troopers were waiting outside the command post at attention as the general stepped out. Wolffe was right on his tail

“At ease, troopers. You must be Rex, Fives and Hardcase correct? We received your transmission. It was quite... entertaining. Trooper Fives, do you mind sharing what discussion topic had you so passionate? You have permission to speak freely.”

Fives could feel Rex’s glare burning holes into the sides of his head. They had actually heard that? That was embarrassing. “It was uh... wether or not how many lightsaber blades an individual had related to how much of a bitch they were... sir. Among other things.”

Rex shook his head disappointed and embarrassed, hardcase was struggling to contain his laughter, and one of the Wolfpack members passed some credits to one of the pilots. Wolffe was definitely grinning Impishly at Rex. Definitely. Plo Koon only shook his head amusedly. “Well captain, do you happen to know where your two lightsaber wielding individuals are?”

“Oh yes sir. They should be back soon. They got bored and so made a small speeder bike track. They’ve been racing eachother.”

“Then we had better get the gunship out of the way. Wouldn’t want to skew the results.”

No doubt the Wolfpack was already placing bets. They were notorious for it.

As the men took their places along the main road, eagerly awaiting the results, Rex finally asked Wolffe the question that was burning in his mind. “Have you heard from the other squads yet? Did you find anyone else?”

“Sorry Rex, haven’t had any contact with them since they were deployed. But it’s still early. Just you wait and I’m sure at least a few will turn up. Don’t worry”

Waiting, Rex could do. Not worrying? Not so much.

Cheers erupted from the small group as the motors of the speeders came into earshot. Anakin jetted last the crowd and with a quick 90° turn he drifted to a stop. Ahsoka wasn’t far behind, but Rex had no doubt in his mind that anakin had lapped her. Ahsoka might be a daredevil but Anakin was a true speed demon. Always had been. The Two of them dismounted and met with Plo Koon as the Wolfpack paid their bets.

“Ahsoka, Skywalker. It’s good to see you two.” Plo Koon greats them.

“And it’s great to see you Master Plo” Ahsoka responds.

“Now, I assume you two have had enough of this planet?”

“Definitely” they both respond at once.

Jesse and echos squad overhear a series of howls in the distance. Multiple groups communicating to each other. Jesse signals for them to ‘stop’ and be ‘silent.’ Coric disobeys.

“No. No! Howl back!” Coric howls as loud as he can, to Jesse’s horror.

“What are you doing!? You’re going to lead those animals right to us!”

“Those aren’t animals! It’s the Wolfpack!” Coric howls again.

“It’s official. He’s lost it. Good job everyone, we actually drove him crazy.” Says echo.

Coric gets a response and howls once more, before the air is quite again. “I’m not crazy. But rescue is coming now”

“You can’t possibly know that. The howling thing is fake, we all know that.” Jesse isn’t having it.

But in just a few minutes two Wolfpack members, sinker and boost make contact with the group.

“Hey! 501st! Coric! Come over here! Man you all look terrible!”

“Yeah Thanks boost. Truth is we all feel mildly terrible too. Here to get us off planet I hope?” Coric walks over to the two, and the rest of the group follows. Jesse and echo are completely stunned.

“Yep! We were just about to leave. You were going to be left behind you know. You all got lucky. Which one of you was howling by the way?” Asks sinker, as they lead the group in the direction of the transports.

“That would be me.” Says coric.

“Ah, figured. Pretty impressive, but not as impressive as this.” Sinker takes a deep breath and howls so loud it makes the rest of the groups ears hurt. Kix winces. Boost laughs.

Rex darts around the hangar. This is the last batch of gunships and he’s still missing so many clones. He feels terrible. Especially about Kix and Echo. He can’t stand the thought of leaving any clones behind, but he knows they won’t all come back. He spots Tup getting out of one of the gunships and rushes to him

“Tup! You’re alive! I was worried when Hardcase and Fives told me that had lost you. Are you doing alright?”

“I’m gonna kill those karking nerf herders. They left me! I fell down a cliff and I don’t think they even noticed I was gone!”

“They looked for you. But fives thought you were dead. With good reason. How did you even survive that fall?”

“I didn’t jump, I slid. I rolled the entire way down.”

“Alright kid. I’m glad to have you back. You’ll have to give Hardcase and Fives a stern talking to about that.” Rex patted Tup on the shoulder before moving onto the next gunship.

His eyes fell on the group leaving this one. The group was larger than the rest, sitting at 5. Dogma, Jesse, Coric-

“Echo, Kix!”

Rex ran over and hugged the two tightly.

“Huh. Guess I am your favourite after all.”

Rex smacked Echo in the back of the head. “You’re not my favourite. I don’t have favourites. But I’m sorry for leaving you two. I had to lure a group of droids away, and I got lost.”

“That’s fine. We survived. Mostly.” Says Echo

“Thanks to Coric. Echo would have killed me if it weren’t for him”

Rex gives echo an unimpressed look, but he can’t stay mad as he’s still to relieved at seeing them both alive.

Tup storms over to where Hardcase and Fives are discussing something with Sinker and Boost.

“You two LEFT me! I was all alone! Cause you two wouldn’t too arguing long enough to notice I FELL OFF A CLIFF!”

“TUP!” Fives immediately scooped up his little brother in a bone crushing hug. “I’m so sorry! I won’t do it again! I’m not gonna leave you anywhere again and I’ll stop picking fights with Hardcase I promiseeee”

“No you won’t.”

“Ok maybe I won’t but still I love you and I’m sorry. Hardcase, you can come in too.” Fives knew he wanted too, but sometimes Hardcase needed an invitation. He joined the hug wrapping his arms around the both of them but not too tightly.

Rex watched as the troopers found their brothers, and each made note of who was there. He waited for more gunships, there was still a significant portion of the 501st missing. But the last wave had arrived, and Rex tried not to think too hard about the ones he would have to leave behind, as he saw the stars turn into smears and the planet disappear out the viewport.

Wolffe put his hand on Rex’s shoulder. How long had he been standing next to him?

“You know... we did the best we could. I’m sorry Rex.”

“I know... I know.”

“Why don’t you go join the others? Some of them have some pretty interesting stories to tell. I’m sure you do too.”

“I will, thanks.”

Wolffe knew the thanks was for more than the offer. He watched Rex go join the others, laughing and enjoying the company of those who were still there.

[himbo-buckley]

INTIMACY, SEX AND BUDDIE (BETTER KNOWN AS I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT THIS SHOW, SOME OF WHICH ARE RELATED TO THE BEFORE MENTIONED TOPICS) - Part 3

Well, hello there (again)!


I got to say, this was both my favourite and least favourite part to write because by now all my theories are (hopefully) explained enough that I can just ramble about the characters and connections and ya’ll will forgive me if I stray away from what’s actually happening in this episode. Which I will do. A lot actually.

On the other hand side I have so many thoughts about what’s happening and this is gonna be long af as I started writing on part three at the same time as I wrote part 1 and 2 and I barely found things to cut, which means we are clocking in at a casual 7700 words. So maybe get that drink now, cause it’ll be a ride!

Also the links to part one and part two

And look, by now you probably know the drill but I’m just gonna give you my preface again:

This meta was supposed to be a lot shorter and only talk about how both Buck and Eddie use sex to distract their respective partners from whatever topic they actually wanted to talk about but since I decided to rewatch the show to make sure I don’t miss any such scenes, it has exploded a bit and taken on more topics

I should also mention that I am a Buddie shipper and while I tried, you will find several references and arguments for the ship in this Meta, not all of which necessarily call for a romantic pairing but just: These two are deeply connected and you cannot look at one without discussing the other and they are each other’s strongest emotional connection.

I should also preface this by saying that the whole of the 118 has some obvious intimacy / commitment issues except Bobby (which is sort of surprising) but *John Mulaney voice* we don’t have time to unpack all of that!

On another note I cuss a little in this Meta because my parents let me listen to TicTacToe as a small child and after that it never stuck that cussing is wrong so, uhm, parental supervision is advised or something

This Meta will so far have FOUR parts now. The original plan was to do three, one for each Season and is organised by episode so you could technically follow along, but due to personal reasons, also known as *feelings*, Season 3 has already exploded disproportionately and for readability reasons I have split it in two (this is part three, the cut will happen after Christmas, it works storyline-wise)

And now, for our next instalment of I read too much into things: Season 3A (also called: „Eddie Diaz, stop being such a boy scout (Wait, no, not like that!)“)

Episode 3.01:

911 as a show has a fairly interesting way of storytelling where it sometimes feels a little like they cut together snapshots of lives in regards to certain topics. And because of that you only ever see a small part of the lives of the characters. That being said: I hate hate hate how 5 months passed between the Season 2 final and the first episode of Season 3 and aside from a few offhand remarks we get virtually nothing. Also it’s very unrealistic that Bobby and Athena didn’t have any parties for 5 months, like nope, I don’t believe you show!

That being said, I appreciate how much time it took Buck to heal because it’s realistic! And also most importantly gets Oliver Stark a chance to truly shine!

I wanna take this chance real quick, to thank the producers and writer both for writing Evan Buckley the way they write him and for casting Oliver Stark to play him because omg, it works so well! Look, Oliver Stark is attractive. He is buff and handsome, but he is not perfect. He is Tinder-buff, not MCU-I haven’t seen a drop of water in a month-buff, he’s the kind of fit that will fill the whole screen one minute and make you say „Wait, I thought he was wider than this!“ the next (you know how everyone always talks about the hips to shoulder ration of Chris Evans? Yeah, the opposite of that) . And he has a really pretty face but his nose is a little too cocked and he has scars and there’s the „adorable facemark“ and he seems so damn dorky which is exactly why Evan „Buck“ Buckley works, why he is hot. And he gets to be emotional and sensitive and caring on top of that and yeah, I don’t know if I wanna be him or date him anymore either. Like he singlehandedly made me rethink my view on dating, just because I am hoping for someone like him.

Anyways, that’s probably something none of you wanted to read about in a META so we’ll get to the juicy stuff now, alright?

One thing that I realised as I watched season 3 for the third time just now is how often it repeats itself. It feels a bit stagnant at times, the way the characters make two steps forward and one step back all the time, most notably in Bobby.

I wanna talk about Bobby for once because you can not look at Buck in Season 3 without looking at Bobby as well. These two characters are connected the same way Buck is connected to Eddie. Most things Buck does character wise in Season 3 are caused by Bobby’s actions, in the same way most of Eddie’s are caused by Buck.

And the thing that 3.01 tells us from the get go? Bobby thinks of Buck as somewhat of a son (which we knew already) and Bobby sees himself in Buck, which is why he does what he probably hoped someone would have done for him the 10 or something years ago when he hurt is back and holds him back. There is also the fact that he tries to teach Buck to have a life outside the firehouse, though that is something he probably should at some point in the near future actually voice to Buck, because Buck on his own can not draw these conclusions from Bobby’s actions. Buck on his own thinks it’s about him not being good enough and so he works himself to the bone to try and proof otherwise. (Someone please just finally tell him what a good boy he is? Yeah?)

As for the scene during the party, you could actually see how much Buck had to force himself to be that open and that vulnerable with Bobby (and not just because he is *literally* having an embolism) and that hurts because to this day Buck has not realised that Bobby will always be there to catch him. Buck still thinks he needs to proof himself to Bobby because of his firing in Season 1. And would you believe I actually cried a little typing these words?

And now I’m gonna talk about my agenda, also known as Buddie real quick, and point you toward the fact that while we have seen Eddie be vulnerable with Buck and Buck be vulnerable with everyone else we have not seen Buck be audibly vulnerable with Eddie and I do not think this is a coincident at all.

Look, Eddie is a guarded guy, right? He has a hard time being vulnerable, a hard time asking for help, a hard time giving up control. But he does all these things with Buck and he does them willingly and with barely an outside push, which is different to say with Bobby. Eddie let’s himself fall with Buck and by doing so raises Buck’s self worth and gives him the feeling of being in control Buck craves so much (while Eddie sort of despises it because he feels like he always has to be the one in control), but it also means that Buck is afraid to let himself fall with Eddie because it might mean Eddie won’t trust him again. Buck generally is a very emotional guy and he doesn’t seem afraid to voice his weaknesses, in fact he is probably too aware of them and too willing to let others poke at them, except with Eddie. With Eddie Buck always tries for strong, because he knows Eddie needs him to be and because he thinks, if he’s not, Eddie will see what everyone else saw and leave him. On Eddie’s side I do think by now he is more than willing to catch Buck and still let himself be caught in return. At least at this point.

(also, if we do ever get Buddie I could see a reverse of the Shannon-Eddie situation happening where Eddie is the one being open and Buck has a hard time being emotionally vulnerable, afraid it’ll scare Eddie off and he’ll leave like everyone else.)

But then, one could also point out that Eddie probably knows all the things going on with Buck anyways because I truly think they know each other inside out and are two feathers of the same bird and same recognises same and all that - it’s just that Buck is someone who needs to actually voice his feelings to deal with them, so unless he voices his vulnerabilities to Eddie, for him, the other guy doesn’t know them. (Except Eddie does know.) (and man, I wish the rest of the 911 would finally figure out that with Buck you always - always - have to say things! You can’t just imply. You can’t think your actions speak loud enough. You need to actually use your words and do so in a way that leaves no doubt because that boy thinks so little of himself and he will make himself doubt every nice thing that ever happens to him.)

Now, moving back to what’s actually happening in the episode and why all of this is important:

We have the very important talk in the Station were text points out some of the things I just said and Eddie realises that he needs to do better, so he pulls a Buck and steamrolls him. (also do we truly believe that Carla was out of the country? Do we? Do we not think Eddie spent the whole ride over coaching his son on lying to his best friend because Eddie is just like that?)

Also I love how before this Maddie is talking to Josh and she says something along the lines of wether she should push Buck or coddle him and it cuts to Eddie trying the first.

On Eddie’s side of this meta we somewhat learn where Eddie’s issues stem from and it’s of course Daddy issues because this show loves them very much. (Seriously, out of 5 firefighters 3 have confirmed absent fathers causing issues and one has it heavily implied. Tim Minear, do you wanna talk?)

Also, Ramon Diaz probably threw in a „real men don’t cry“ with his macho speech about just brushing shit off and thereby emotionally crippling his child further, because he seems cliche like that.

Sidenote: The Buck and Christopher relationship is so beautiful and important and „Some cool outfits, too.“ is one of my favourite lines, though I do have to say - as someone who works professionally with kids - that this is what really shows how much Eddie truly thinks of Buck and how much he trusts him because it’s safe to assume that Buck has never been alone with Christopher or any child for longer and has never had to take care of one by himself and yet Eddie just trusts him to take care of his son for what is probably a 24h shift. Truly magnificent. An unparalleled relationship. So meaningful.

Episode 3.02:

No actual relevance but I do wanna point out that the thing about the mom being the love of boat guys life but her son being her’s? Yeah, that’s Eddie (and Buck).

Also, Buck’s just a natural at being a dad (not because of the fun stuff but the stuff when he knew exactly how to distract Christopher when those bodies floated by) and at some point I need Eddie to point this out to him and I need him to voice his jealousy about it, because Eddie? Not a natural dad.

(I actually think that is something that is true about a lot of things for these two. I mean yes, Buck is a hard worker but I think only in areas he is already naturally gifted (remember that whole thing with the Seals? “You just have to be badass, which I am?”) and he generally doesn’t try if things don’t come naturally because Buck hates failure because Buck already feels like a failure. Meanwhile Eddie seems like the kind of guy who has this huge capacity for learning, so even if something doesn’t come naturally to him (like fatherhood) he has the determination and willingness to try and try again until he finally gets it right and is perfect because Eddie, too, hates failure.) (And now I wanna see more about their childhoods because I could actually see Buck be somewhat of a gifted child in his youth who never learned how to actually apply himself and because of that has always been told he had so much wasted potential while Eddie was either an overarchiver or a slacker, I’m sorry I don’t make the rules. Or maybe I am projecting.)

Episode 3.03:

I read somewhere on tumblr that Ryan Guzman and his wife thought Eddie and Lena would be a thing and where actually on board and I was like? No?

I mean I do love the way she takes one look at him and decides he needs his ego checked (and also Eddie is like: ui, me like-y! (maybe because he misses another person that used to be an asshole to him right off the bat?)).

Also love all the references to Eddie being in the army („The 118 is huffing it“-scene comes to mind). Again, kudos to Ryan Guzman for always acting with all his body, because you can always feel the army training in his posture like the way he usually stands just a little bit straighter than everyone else (well, at least that’s what it looks like to me, someone who has not been in the Army and knows only like two people that got drafted and no one who went willingly, because my country generally doesn’t do that these days ).

As for what is happening in the episode, I think it’s a reference to Shannon that Eddie dealt with that couple that, despite loving each other a lot and getting along fairly well, decided to get divorced. Which is what 911 should have done with Shannon. (Me being salty about Shannon? It’s more likely than you think.)

I also think it’s a nice parallel the way both Lena and Buck are so desperate to search for their missing loved one with no regard for their own safety and I’m assuming Eddie saw Buck in Lena’s actions as well, which is why he trusts her so fast. (Because Eddie just like Buck is looking for connection and intimacy but Eddie is even worse at creating it than Buck, so he just tries to recreate the one working bond he truly has.) (Something actually proven in text by Eddie: becoming a firefighter because he misses the army.)

And I know everyone and their mother has already pointed out how Eddie was not worried about Chris at all because his son was with Buck and he knows Buck would never let anything bad happen to his son ever.

Which is why *that* scene is even more heartbreaking, because Eddie has so much trust in his Buck and kudos to Ryan Guzman because man, the way you see Eddie steel himself for what Buck is saying? The way you can feel him pulling himself together because Buck needs him to hear this. (Look, the scene is about a father learning from the person he trusts most in the world that his son might be dead and they could have easily forshadowed Eddie’s fighting ark by having him react negatively and violently here but instead he stays calm because it’s Buck and Buck for once needs him to be the one in control - also, on a less ship-y note because Eddie’s world is falling apart right there and he needs to keep in control because if he doesn’t, he will probably never be again.)

Which brings us to that scene in the loft, and listen, I know I said at the end of part 2 Eddie barely had any character development in the two seasons since we met him, but uhm, this scene? Proves he had some development, because right then right there he is so fucking vulnerable with Buck. It is of course part of him being a protector because just like with Shannon in 2.04 he realises that this is was Buck needs him to be right now, so vulnerable it is.

I do think however that it’s beautiful how Eddie apparently took the time during a fucking natural disaster to figure out that Evan Buckley needs him to use his actual words, so use his actual words he does.

And I do wanna point out that this is something he never had with Shannon, Eddie was never able to figure out what is wife of what? 7-8 years needed of him but he does know what his best friends needs. And wether that is just Buddie or just plain old character development, remains to be seen.

(Though we should mention that it wasn’t a permanent thing, Eddie does fail Buck a few times in Season 3 (but he also doesn’t a few other times) but we’ll get to that when we get to that!)

Also, honourable mention to Maddie Buckley-Kendall for getting that phone call and probably nearly dying of a heart attack and then having to race to the VA thinking the worst and probably imagining her very selfless brother either being already gone by the time she gets there or close to dead - only to probably arrive there and see Christopher in a bed with Eddie sitting next to him and Buck sitting vigil a few feet away because he doesn’t think he deserves to be with the Diaz’s anymore but he also can’t bear to part from them!

And another mention to the poor stranger who probably never got their phone back.

Also a teeny bit mad they forgot to give Oliver scars on his legs.

Episode 3.04

First of all I gotta say Eddie is such a boy scout goody two shoes with his whole „Well, it’s mandated!“ (also he’s been probably hanging out with Buck a buncha times in whatever many weeks passed since the Tsunami and  therefore knew how hard his best friend worked on this and he’s gonna be supportive, kay?)

That being said, remember when I talked about two steps forward, one step back? Yeah, that.

As for the lawsuit, look, we could argue all day on wether it was justified or not, but I personally do think Buck had a basis. But he was also acting rash and hadn’t thought all the implications through and should have used his words instead, but quick reminder: Buck has severe abandonment issues and he has problems with emotional intimacy - so the whole talking about it? Not that easy.

Also, imagine working for months to come back to work, the one thing you think you’re good at and thinking you have everyone’s support only to find out the person you love like a father has betrayed you, probably with the knowledge of everyone else. Yeah, you’d lash out too!

Even though, I have to point out it’s not his normal MO (which is why we see him regret it almost immediately in the next episode).

As for Eddie in this episode, he has not one, not two, not three, but four whole conversations about feelings! You go buddy-boy. Embrace that character development! Don’t take a step back! … or, nevermind, we all know what happens next.

That being said I think it’s interesting that while Chimney clearly confides in him, Eddie does not confide in him in return but rather talks to female!Buck. I mean, talking about his struggles with his son and his family worked with him and Buck so why not with him and Lena (cause Lena isn’t Buck).

I do think Eddie and Chimney are close, but Eddie just doesn’t feel the same connection to him as he feels to Buck.

As for Eddie being so beautifully open and vulnerable with his son and saying like the exact opposite of what he had been taught: Eddie loves his son. He loves his son more than anything in the world. And if Eddie can’t let himself be vulnerable with him, who can he be vulnerable with? Especially when it helps Christopher.

(Also, Eddie by now recognises what is wrong with him, he just doesn’t think he can change it but he can prevent it from happening to his child.)

Episode 3.05:

This episode has a lot of shit happening and I have a lot of thoughts, most of which are relevant to the episode. But we’re gonna start slow, ease you in:

Boy do I love overprotective Dad!Eddie! How long do you think did it took Carla and Christopher to convince Eddie to let Chris sleep over at his friends? A month?

In other news Buck is just the picture of regret during the deposition and yeah, he should be. The whole thing is harsh. Never sue your friends, no matter how justified, if you want them to stay your friends! But it’s so obvious Buck didn’t know it was gonna go down this way because he did not think this through at all.

First off: Remember how in part 2 I said Buck and Eddie’s storylines were connected and how earlier I said Buck was the catalyst for Eddie like Bobby was for Buck?

Yeah, that’s the episode for all of this.

It’s not as obvious as in Season 2 because usually it happens over two episodes but it’s no coincident that after last episode Bobby triggered that shift in Buck, Eddie is now suddenly careering out of control as well - it’s because Buck is his catalyst, his *trigger*.

Please watch 3.04 and 3.05 back to back and tell me Eddie doesn’t make a 180 between those episodes. He goes from worried about his son to punching people in parking lots. What changed? Well, he could no longer talk to Buck. And Buck is his anker and his catalyst, the one person he doesn’t have to be in control with (which he really could use considering what he is going through with Christopher). And when you take that away he spirals. (Also there is the deposition where his best friend betrays him by talking about his dead for less than a year - wife, a topic Eddie has been avoiding in regards to his feelings since … well, the day it happened, probably.)

And I’m not saying the whole street fighting thing wouldn’t have happened if Eddie wasn’t such a boy scout and said, screw the chain of command and just called Buck to bail him out, but that’s what I’m implieing.

Also the scene between Eddie and Lena, I mean, I’ve already talked about it somewhere else but I do wanna point you to the way it is phrased: Eddie „wasn’t allowed“ to call Buck. Meaning he wanted to. But you know: Boy Scout.

Now, let’s talk about the grocery store fight because I have so many thoughts!

And what I love about these two episodes, as well as the next one, is that they show both the connection Buddie has as well as the contrasts between them:

One of the biggest differences in Buddie is how they deal with fear and obstacles and it is visible throughout all their lives and specifically these three episodes.

Evan Buckley is a force of nature, he is a fighter, he sets a goal and he reaches this goal with a single minded focus, steamrolling through everything in his way until he reaches said goal. Just look at the lawsuit and remember how his original plan was to get everyone to sign a letter of support for him.

When something frightens him, Buck doesn’t run away he runs right into it, tries to destroy it or be destroyed. He fights. And if that doesn’t work, he finds a way around the problem, but always going head to head with the thing because Evan Buckley is very determined and very self destructive.

Just look at the way he held onto Abby for nearly a year after she had left: Instead of dealing with his feelings of abandonment and the fact that the woman he loved left him, that boy dug his heel in and fought tooth and nail to keep what little he had left of her, of them. Refused to acknowledge being left for months. And when he finally leaves he literally compares himself to a ghost, because you know, he is just an empty shell at this point.

It’s also why he falls so hard for Ali because he is just desperately looking for something to cling to and so he transfers all those un-dealt feelings onto her and then he get’s hurt and his problems become bigger and different and Ali can’t deal - not surprising considering they had barely a foundation. They just went from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds and that just never works out, unless you’re in a very expensive sports car.

I also truly think at times Buck hides behind the loud mouthed, dumb adrenaline junkie persona he got going on as it keeps people from looking deeper, because Buck is very scared they won‘t find anything deeper - or worse, decide they don’t like what they see (and hey, he even got that confirmed by Ali leaving! and Abby! AND MOST IMPORTANTLY MADDIE!).

(Which, to push an agenda real quick, is why I ship Buddie so hard? Because they do have a foundation, they have been emotionally intimate with each other, they’ve seen the worst of each other and still went: I’m gonna have your back. And they have pulled a lot of shit on each other in the two years since meeting! Like, I’m sorry 911, I love you, but please never try and tell me they will have a deeper connection with anyone but each other because it’ll be a damn lie and you know it! If you don’t wanna do Buddie, let those boys get emotionally healthy and THEN give them an endgame but don’t try and replace Buddie with Loveinterests. I’m serious. I might stop watching!)

Eddie meanwhile is much more open with his feelings in the sense that he is less open in general so it’s far more noticeable when something is bothering him *because* he is subtle about it. Because Buck is so loud and so open and all about what you see is what you get, you don‘t assume he is hiding anything because you already see everything, right? (Always hide the real shit in plain sight, you guys, that‘s where no one remembers to look!) But Eddie, Eddie keeps his cards close. Sure he is funny and nice but he is also fucking reserved! And when something bothers him he draws into himself even more and that’s something that shows, that people will take notice of.

Eddies reaction to bad things (also known as *feelings*, because that boy is fucking repressed) happening is running away. And I am not saying he is a coward, I am saying he probably thinks he is and I am saying he runs away from his problems - that’s what 3.15 was about for Eddie: embracing his family (his vulnerabilities) and from what I‘ve seen in the last few days floating around in spoiler *now* Eddie has to learn to face his problems and not run away.

Which will be hard because Eddie deflects a lot.

It‘s funny (in a way that is not funny) that Buck, the fighter, is like the least aggressive guy around while Eddie, Mr quiet and reserved, who is all about running away from his problems, is so physically aggressive - except it is not and makes a lot of sense.

Season 3 truly shows how they deal with problems and I love it, I love them and this show so much!

Because Buck deals with the bombing by working tirelessly to come back to work, he deals with losing Christopher by nearly killing himself trying to find him and he deals with his fear of being replaced by filing the lawsuit to get his job back - which is also why I have to agree with Eddie: Buck truly has a one track mind. He sees the problem and nothing else. That makes him an amazing firefighter but an exhausting guy to be around because he does not give up.

I think in canon we only ever see Buck give up twice, maybe three times once with Abby and once with Christopher, both times he nearly killed himself first. (And one could argue that neither of these times he actually gave up, he was just out of options and time.) Tbh the only actual time he gave up was with Ali and that was probably his one track mind just not having any capacity to deal with a girlfriend on top of everything.

Eddie meanwhile deals with his wife dying and his best friend nearly dying twice and his son being traumatised and his best friend not being allowed back to work and his best friend filing that lawsuit by ... not dealing with it. He just moves on. Runs away from his feelings and his pain by fighting. He can’t deal with - can’t fight - his actual feelings so he fights something else. He lashes out. Becomes feral. That’s literally the gist of this episodes voiceover!

So tbh as much as I like that they resolved that lawsuit within one episode I am a bit bummed that we hardly saw anything of the 118 and especially Eddie without Buck there (specifically during his fighting time) mainly because I think we would have seen Hen and Chimney with Cap and Eddie maybe with Lena but generally keeping his distance, hiding away from them. (I don’t think Eddie just brushing past Buck in 3.06 was just about Buck.)

I truly meant what I said about 2.01 and Eddie taking one look at Buck being an asshole and deciding this one is gonna be his friend. Because while Hen and Chimney have been nice and friendly with him from the get go, they never give him shit the same way they give each other or Cap or Buck, and Eddie needs that. He needs someone who isn’t afraid to call him out and push back, both to get Eddie out of his own head and to make him feel comfortable enough to do the same. Which is why he bonded so fast with Buck and Lena (also, would he have bonded with her like that if Buck had been there? Probably not. Eddie is like the definition of „I only have the emotional capacity to care about three people at a time and two of them are my son“), because both held him accountable for his shit, which no one else on the show does, specifically not Hen and Chimney who treat Eddie as the guy who is good at most things so they just overlook the shitty stuff. And Cap does the same, because Eddie has a lot on his plate and Cap understands his issues better than anyone else’s. 

Ya‘ll just need to watch the supermarket scene! It‘s all there!

Buck is in the store trying to create a moment so he can talk to all of them (meaning he is pushing, leaning into the problem until it gives), tries to make the problem go away by apologising (remember what I said about trying another way? Working hard didn’t work. Accepting his predicament didn‘t work. The lawsuit didn’t work. So now he tries talking it out - which he should have done to begin with, but hey, I’m not his therapist (sadly)) (It’s too bad it only worked to a certain level as we saw in the next episode but oh well, that’s actually realistic.)

Meanwhile Eddie has none of it because Eddie is currently running away from his problems so he can’t have his problem stand in front of him buying cat laxatives. So Eddie goes feral, and makes it all about Buck and his mistakes and then throws Christopher under the bus because that man is fighting for his life and he has nothing left to loose!!! I truly love this scene so much, you guys. It’s so revealing about these characters.

(I also shouldn’t have to point out that most of the stuff Eddie said to Buck was about Shannon, right? He was saying the things he was feeling about Shannon and he was throwing them at Buck because Buck was the one who brought it up, but also … look, it’s just ship-y from here all right?)

As for what I said about Hen, Bobby and Chimney in regards to Eddie? I know Chimney made some remarks but come on! Had it been any of them or Buck who yelled at someone like that they would have all interrupted and tried to diffuse the situation. But because it’s Eddie they sort of let it happen. (Also tbh because it’s Eddie and Buck and everyone is a little mad at Buck but they are something different to each other.)

Also, not to push my agenda, can we just talk about how comfortable  Eddie has to be with the 118 but especially Buck, how much he has to care, to scream at him like that? Because he is reserved and he always tries to let go of his feelings and he hides so much. And I know part of it is that Eddie is coiled too tight already and about to burst but it’s also about Buck and the fact that Eddie expected better from him because Eddie has such a high opinion of him. Like sure he gives him shit sometimes but I think it’s because Eddie always expects the most of Buck (and Buck rarely lets him down). (And now I did go all ship-y)

Just compare this with his relationship with Shannon: with Shannon Eddie always is the one to make decisions, in part because he believes that’s what a man should do but also in part because he doesn’t trust her - and that was even before she left. Eddie trusts no one but himself for the most part but he does trust Buck, because to Eddie Buck can hardly do wrong. Which is why the whole law suit probably hit him so hard cause he expects everyone to let him down all the time but Evan Buckley? The guy he trust with his son more than anyone else? That guy? He expected better off! And that my friends is beautiful.

As for the voiceover it does poise one very central question for Eddie’s character: If he gives up control, will he be able to regain it? Because that is Eddie’s biggest fear and why he always holds everything so tight: he thinks if he lets the floodgates open once, he’ll never be able to close them.

In other news: Ryan took his shirt off.

Episode 3.06:

Before I write another 2400 words about our boys, I wanna remind you of that scene of Bobby, Chimney and Eddie wearing sun glasses, with Hen wearing her normal glasses, standing round, looking like an album cover! *plays „Clique“ by Kanye West, Jay-Z, Big Sean*

Do you think Athena and Hen talked about Bobby and how he would / does handle Buck? They did, didn’t they?

Also love how Hen and Chimney are super welcoming because one, they know what it’s like to be the odd one out and two, they love Buck and actually see his point of view. I believe. Now if only someone would remember to tell him.

Like, come on, they probably sit in the ambulance gossiping all the time!

I really love that we saw some bonding between Buck and Hen and Buck and Chimney in this episode because as much as I love Buddie we do not see enough of those combos (we don’t see enough of Buddie either).

Also the whole two steps forward, one step back? That is Bobby in this episode.

Now, we have to talk about the apology scene because this is Buck, expressing himself, being vulnerable. I love this episode a lot especially in regards to this Meta because here we see all the things I explained for the last episode: Buck is expressing, trying his best to make the problem go away while Eddie avoids it.

Also, you know, there is the whole illegal fighting thing that is visible on Eddie and look, if you did something like that would you willingly spent time with the one person who will call you out on it or will you avoid him like the plague? Especially if the last time you saw him you were screaming bloody murder at him in the middle of a grocery store! And the next time you see him he calls you out for your bruising. Yeah, guys, that’s just realistic.

Also bit of a reach, but the reason this is part of my discussion of 3.06 and not 3.05, which is Eddie’s relationship to Buck. Remember how 3.03 ended? That beautiful moment that made Oliver Stark cry on Instagram live? Remember how Eddie said „It’s his turn to save you now.“? Yeah, what happened to that?

Okay, Eddie is not an expressive guy. He is bad with feelings. He hates having them. And here comes Evan „Buck“ Buckley and he is just the polar opposite. Sure, he’d rather not talk about his feelings either but he has a lot of them and he *likes* having all of them and he wallows in them and that is probably a lot for a guy like Eddie to deal with. Especially when I do think Eddie understands somewhat where Buck came from and he probably feels guilty af about making Buck feel like he was being replaced. About not seeing the pain Buck was in. About not being there for him - which is why he lashes out, because guilt can make the healthiest people do horrible shit and Eddie is far from any definition of healthy at that point.

But I do have to say I am reaching with this and if I ever meet Tim Minear I will have him explain the fight scene and the apology scene to me word for word because it has to be deeper, right?

It can’t just be Eddie lashing out, and saying exactly the things he knows will hurt Buck because he is mad mad mad? Yeah, I know, whatever.

(Because even if that is the case? This is still the scene where a guy uses his best friend as a substitute to get his anger for his dead wife out in a somewhat healthy manner.)

Which is why I love both these scenes immensely, because it shows exactly how differently Eddie and Buck deal with things, because Eddie avoids them or gets mad and screams at them while Buck, actually does something fairly healthy and try to talk it out - but like only as his last option. He tries anything but talking before that, except with Eddie because they are connected and he finally *finally* lets himself be emotionally vulnerable with Eddie.

Which is also why the apology scene is so important to me, despite thinking while a bit rash, Buck wasn’t exactly wrong in his actions. I would have hated if they just brushed the grocery store over or made it about Eddie and the issues he had at the time. Instead they gave us this beautiful scene where Buck finally - FINALLY - gets to explain himself to someone, especially Eddie, the guy who he hurt the most because Buck is his anchor, and Eddie actually listens and then he gets it and he is like, oh, I wasn’t wrong! He really deserves all my trust!

So you know, that’s just beautiful, wether it’s platonic or romantic.

Episode 3.07: no relevance

Episode 3.08:

I wanna say something right of the bat that is probably controversial as hell:

Eddie did not want to share with Bobby. Eddie likes Bobby, he trusts Bobby, but he wasn’t really feeling like sharing with Bobby.

The reason Eddie talked with Bobby about all of this? Well, first of all it was bound to happen, sometimes things need to be said and then it doesn’t really matter who you’re talking to.

Also Eddie? Boy Scout. Army man. Chain of Command. If your superior officer tells you to share - you share! There. I said it. (This is not a Bobby Nash - stan account)

Also: „A friend of mine told me I needed an outlet - think I found it.“ - no, you didn’t Buddy boy, it’s why I’m currently 10.000 words into an episode by episode analysis of your character! (can you tell I am slowly going off the rails with this?)

But I do love how we finally got to see sassy!Eddie again. I missed you, babe!

As for the kitchen scene and the look, yes, I know, Maddie was looking at them like that because she just called them out about gossiping and they turned around and gossiped, buuuut … ya’ll also realise that Chimney was apparently *not* aware that anything was wrong with Eddie when Eddie had been acting weird way longer then Hen. He nearly punched Buck in a grocery store, he comes in with new bruises like 3 times a week but sure mate, he is all normal! (Or you know, Buck is just hyperfocused on Eddie)

One thing that freaks me out every time I watch this episode is how completely fucking nonchalant Eddie seems by the fact that he nearly fucking killed a guy. To quote Lena Bosko, professional plot pusher: „What the hell, Eddie?“

And then of course 3.15 happened and we saw Eddie shoot multiple people, so he probably learned how to compartmentalise and I guess I need to remember this is a TV show and no one actually died. But wow, I really need this addressed more because I have such mixed feelings about this.

And with regards to this I wanna say something even more controversial: Eddie got off easy. Yes, the guy willingly went into that ring but Eddie nearly killed him and all Bobby wanted to talk about was why Eddie was fighting? Again: What the hell?

Another thing this episode firmly proofs is that Lena is really just a poor substitute for Buck because Eddie doesn’t actually know anything about her, he just uses her as a sounding board because, well, Buck wasn’t there and he was lonely?

As for the actual conversation happening, yes, there we have it, in plain sight, Eddie needs to be in control because he thinks this is what Christopher needs him to be and as I’ve said before Eddie will always do anything for Christopher, even if he hurts himself in the process.

Also, remember when Lena told him he needed to show and tell his son how he felt so Christopher knows it’s okay to feel that way as well? Clearly didn’t stick of he would not feel this intense need to be in control. Which is realistic, you don’t just unlearn behaviour you had for like 30 years just because someone gives you some good advice once! (Man, my life could be so different!)

I’m also not a fan of Bobby’s „She died.“ because while yes, it wasn’t her fault that she left this time, grief isn’t rational. And even without the looming divorce Eddie has every right to be upset and to be angry at the world, and yes, even his dead wife. She’s dead. It doesn’t hurt her anymore. (Although that would be one feeling he should probably keep from Christopher.)

Not to mention Eddie feels guilty as hell. His anger? Mostly at himself. The sentence “I broke his mother”? Broke me as well.

But I also understand Eddie because while he may be grieving, his son is clearly traumatised by the whole situation, as seen in 3.04, and Eddie is trying his best and look, his outlet wasn’t the healthiest but um, at least he realised he needed one? He addressed that? That’s growth (sorta).

Amount of shirtless!Eddie scenes: 2, which feels a bit like overkill for one episode (pace yourself, Tim, this isn’t Game of Thrones)

Episode 3.09:

Frank! My main man Frank! Ui, I love him! When Tim calls me to come consult for Season 4 because clearly by now I am an expert on his characters and the way they should act, I will tell him to bring Frank back. I miss Frank. I hope he’s doing okay. He deserves the world. Also really wanna meet Rosemary.

And hey, as someone who has worked in the mental health sector and probably will again come October (if I manage to finish my degree by then, urgh, Corona, you are destroying my thesis!), I love that scene on the sofa so much! All of them openly sharing that they have been in therapy and talking about their therapists and just, uh, that scene makes me all tingly!

Before we get into all the emotional things I’m just gonna add the scene on the sofa to my list of scene I don’t fully understand. Like, what emotion exactly was Eddie supposed to be conveying because to me he sounds angry. And why should Eddie be angry about Buck sleeping with his therapist? What reason could he have?

Okay, yeah, maybe it’s a little exasperation and annoyance because apparently Evan Buckley is just coasting through life and doesn’t even take therapy seriously. Idk. I haven’t read the script.

But it does lead us to Buck giving Eddie shit, because, as I’ve said before, that’s what Buck does.

As for the therapy scene, yay, there is a mention of the nearly dead guy! Who is not dead. Yay!

I do love Eddie’s reasons for going to therapy and really trying, even though he is not clicking with Frank. He is such a good dad! (Also I’ve been debating for like 20 minutes whether Eddie would be more comfortable sharing with a woman or with a man and for some reason (his connection with Buck vs his relationship with Shannon) I think he’d be more comfortable with a man. Idk. I could be wrong. - Also Eddie is probably always uncomfortable talking about his feelings, so there is that!) His reasoning shows also yet again what I said about both Buck and Eddie before: they are protectors. They will make themselves vulnerable to help someone else. It’s a thing.

Also I pulled out my pocket edition of ICD-10 to check and while we don’t have enough information to give a full diagnosis, it’s safe to say that he is supposed to be going through a depressive episode. Because yes, sometimes depressed people aren’t sad, sometimes they are fucking angry.

Now, as for the Evan Buckley of it all and that scene: I read another Meta by someone clearly much better at this than me that stated Eddie uses Sarcasm as a way to deflect, which is exactly what is happening here because Eddie is not as fine with everything that happened as he pretends to be. I think he has just come to the sudden and horrible conclusion that his tipping point has been Buck no longer being in his life and so he decided it was easier to just move on then deal with his feelings (which is what got you into this mess in the first place, Edmundo, so please rethink,) if that means Buck back in his life.

I also think Eddie deflects here because he realises how much what he did and what he said actually hurt Buck in return and Eddie doesn’t fully know how to deal with that. And look, if they actually start discussing their issues then Eddie will have to admit his guilt and Eddie will have to say he’s sorry and right then he is still too pissed to do so, so he decides to move on.

Ah, the wonderful clash of Eddie thinking actions speak louder than words but Buck needing to hear the actual words.

Sidenote: I sent the kitchen scene to my roommate, stopped before they played the video game and asked her what she thinks happened next. And to quote „Love me <3 <3 <3. Please fuck me“ - because yes, she did take one look at them and decide the one with the puppy dog eyes was a bottom. That’s also a quote.

Episode 3.10:

Eddie really is trying so hard to be a good dad, isn’t he?

I also love the little head shake Eddie gives after Chris ask Buck about spending Christmas with him, because he clearly has already talked about the whole thing with Buck. And I’m not gonna talk about the framing. Other’s have done that before and I don’t actually know that much about it in first place.

Also it is cute as all hell that Chris asked Buck in the first place and also heartbreaking.

Other than that this episode doesn’t have that much of a relevance for this meta, because if I have to start discussing Buck’s other issues as well this will never be done.

Before I let you go, I wanna say something real quick:

In the past few days there have been several posts about content creators and liking vs commenting / reblogging on my dash and I just wanna say this is true for meta writers as well! Look, I love everyone who likes this because validation, but I’m not actually writing this meta for myself, I’m writing this because I have thoughts and I wanna share them with the rest of the class and have the class discuss it with me!

So please, reblog this and comment under or in the tags or come to my ask or my messages, even if it’s only to tell me that my punctuation is shit! 

Anyways, @angelcamael and @greyhello here’s part 3!

[denqis]

your heart was beating out of your chest, ears filled with white noise. you had lost track of where you were and of how long you had been running after that lanky villain. all you knew was that it was starting to get dark and that you had lost bakugou as well as kirishima.

your steps slowed down as your breath hitched when you noticed movement from the corner of your eyes. this time he wouldn't get away.

you quickly gathered your last strength to summon a gust of wind that carried you over the treetops towards the source of movement.

you started feeling dizzy the higher you got, but ignored it. this wasn't a simple training anymore, you needed to make sure that he'd pay for everything he did to you, kirishima, mina and shiro back in middle school.

he was the reason you were in isolation for years, he was the reason yours and kirishima's friendship ended and he was the reason for shiro's death.

you let your body drop bit by bit until you were at close enough range for another attack.

hail the size of basketballs started dropping around him and right when you initiated the last attack a glimpse of red rushed to the scene and pinned the villain to the ground.

you didn't know wether to scream or cry or do both. you were happy that this was finally over but you hated the fact that kirishima had stolen your limelight.

"nice work."

he sent you a glance along with an approving nod, causing you to scoff.

"don't be ridiculous, you know i did most of the work."

"still young and in love, i see. did the death of your friend teach you nothing? kirishima i wouldn't trust her, she killed your best friend."

you noticed his hardened form slowly return to normal, his body slacking. you saw his jaw clench and his eyes starting to water. he was at his absolute limit, emotionally as well as physically.

"why are you in love with a psychopath when clearly ashido loves you much more. she's a perfect fit, she helped you through the death and conviction. she was the only friend there for you all this time, yet you're choosing a murderer over her? pathetic."

kirishima's grip loosened as his head began hanging lower and lower, tears already hitting the floor.

"kirishima don't listen to him! he's lying, he's been lying all this time, please!"

your voice was coarse and squeaky but you had to get him out of the villain's grip before it was too late.

"no.. y/n. he's right."

his empty eyes stared at you and for a split second the boy before you was the same person he was three years ago.

the same boy you were walking along the train tracks with three years ago. he didn't want to go there, but you, mina and shiro had convinced him to come. it wasn't supposed to be dangerous, it was an abandoned track surrounded by the woods.

while mina and shiro went skipping across the trails kirishima had grabbed your hand and stared right into your eyes. he said that he felt that something was going to go wrong, that he felt that you were being followed.

"stop being such a coward eiji, come on. i bet shiro wouldn't act like that!"

you ran after your friends, leaving the black-haired boy behind, who suddenly felt so alone, so used. you did like shiro after all, not him. he slowly started following you further into the woods, reaching a bridge. the water in the creek was the only sound in the air, even the birds had stopped chirping when mina's terrified, bone-shattering screams echoed throughout the woods.

a villain had appeared, lanky figure slouched over shiro's body, mina and you casted aside, trembling in fear.

"eiji! get help!"

you cried, arms clenching around mina until the villain suddenly stood up straight, staring at your shaking body.

"oh, i sense young, innocent love. he means so much to you, he's more than a friend right? why don't you show him how much he means to you? he's the only boy who should be in your life."

the life left your eyes and you stood up and went over to shiro, mina and kirishima watching, frozen in shock.

you saw shiro's terrified gaze on you, his rustling breath and trembling lower lip, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. you felt sick, you didn't want to do this, he was your best friend.

you didn't understand what was happening, it felt as though you were sleepwalking as you lifted a hand, surrounded by the water you had lifted from the humid air.

"go on, sweetheart. it's not that hard. you should be exclusive to.. what did you call him again? eiji. you wouldn't want your selfish love to destroy your friendship, this is the only way."

you felt the pit in your stomach, the way your heart sank and tears dropped onto shiro's face. you wanted to apologize, say how much he meant to you, that he was the best friend you ever had but all you did was chuckle and press your hand onto his mouth and nose, restricting his airways.

he struggled, hands clawing at your back, his orange eyes staring up at you with such agony.

"y/n!"

mina ripped you from your trance, causing you to fall forward, coming face to face with your best friends white, lifeless face.

"shiro? shiro! answer me, please. hey, answer me!"

you crouched next to him, holding his hand and caressing his cheek, tears and snot running down your face before you collapsed onto his cold chest that no longer hosted the heartbeat that had calmed you down so many times.

mina and kirishima sat a few meters away, staring at their two friends, confused and traumatized.

you couldn't let this happen again, you couldn't let the same villain destroy everything you had worked so hard for in isolation again.

"kirishima. listen to me! listen to my voice, please. i'm begging you, just listen. i'll guide you. it's his quirk, he infiltrates your mind and body and makes you do things for him, kirishima, please!"

your tears were spilling over, running down your cheeks along with the rain that poured down over your head.

"eiji.. eiji!"

you screamed, voice breaking along with your tough, invincible facade that you had built and kept up during the last three years of your life.

"y/n, the real you is finally back! you're weak, you killed that poor boy to have kirishima all to yourself. that's right, you're a selfish slut, nothing more! you deserve to die a slow, painful death just like shiro!"

he kept going but his voice faded as your eyes focused on kirishima, who was still kneeling on top of the villain, keeping him to the floor.

"eiji, hey. listen to me! we can get through this. just think about all the people you love, who are worth fighting for. your family, mina, bakugou, all our classmates. do it for them. i know you can't trust me anymore after everything that's happened, but please do it for them."

silence followed.

until you suddenly heard an all too familiar chuckle and when you looked up again, there he was. kirishima in all of his hardened glory.

"you forgot the most important person i should fight for. you."

but before you could respond you felt a sudden heaviness wash over you as your body plummeted to the floor, your mind clouded in darkness.

HISTORY — a kirishima eijirou social media au

synopsis: y/n and kirishima have been friends since kindergarten up until their last year of middle school. unfortunate events started piling up and their strained relationship ended in a catastrophe.

warnings: mentions of drugs, depression, suicidal thoughts and death

masterlist

part seven < part eight > part nine

taglist: @ochabby @yeet-these-hoez @sweethyunjin17

[lu-undy]

(Hey it’s anon from spicy gone wrong) while Lucien’s gone Sniper does something incredible dumb that causes lu’s brand new expensive suit to be ruin (like like there is no fixing that suit it’s just gone like look at the stains and tears on it-) and everyone is just counting the seconds. Scouts laughing But inside is terrified-, medic and the others our planing his funeral, some debate on wether to call miss Pauling for this one, sniper is having pearl write his will and testimony.

Here we go, Mundy destroys a suit and fears for his very life (lol)! I hope you’ll enjoy! :D

The telephone rang in Spy's suite. Sniper ran to it and in his rush, he bumped the coffee table and a glass tumbled, spilling its content. But he was too preoccupied with the phone call to notice it. 

"Hello?" 

"Mon amour?" 

[My love?]

Lucien's voice was a delight to hear but when he called Mundy "my love", and in French at that…! Ooh…! Shivers…!

"Yeah?" 

"I'm afraid it will take longer than expected, I do apologise."

"Oh," Mundy's smile disappeared. "Ok, it's fine." 

"I am very sorry, I will get back home a bit later than expected…" Lucien apologised at the other end of the line. 

"Alright… It's fine, uh… Just be safe and uh…"

"Mon amour?" Lucien interrupted.

[My love?]

"Yeah?" 

"I miss you too, terribly so." Lucien said softly and Mundy relaxed, sighing as he longed for his lover. 

"How long do you think you'll be?" 

"Half an hour more and count another one to come back to the base."

"Alright…"

"Do you think you will survive an extra hour without me?" Lucien asked. 

"I can hear yer smirk…"

Lucien chuckled. 

"But yeah, I'll try. Love you, darl'."

"Me too, with all my heart." 

Mundy and Lucien hung up and the Aussie turned. 

"Oh bugger…" He froze and his blood turned to ice in his veins. "Bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger…!"

Mundy realised he had dropped a glass of wine on Lucien's brand new suit, the one he would use to go to the opera that weekend with him. But that wasn't the worst part. The Aussie ran to the kitchen and filled a sauce pan with water. He ran at the coffee table and splashed it on the tuxedo: the wine had flowed and the flames of the fireplace had surfed on the wine to gnaw on the precious suit. 

Mundy managed to extinguish it and took the tuxedo in his hand. As all of Lucien's suits, it was tailor-made and cost a fortune and a half. As such, it was a unique model… 

"Bugger, how am I gonna fix that…?" His eyes darted left and right. 

"Meow!" Perle exclaimed.

"Engie!" Mundy answered and he took the suit in his hand, rushing to Engie's quarters. But the Texan wasn't there. "Where is he?" 

"Meow." Perle had trotted with him out of her master's suite. 

"Ah yeah, it's almost lunch time, he must be in the kitchen." 

A few seconds later, Mundy erupted in the kitchen, the burnt tuxedo in his hand and Perle on his heels. 

"Engie?" 

"Hey pardner."

All the mercenaries were there and their eyes turned to Sniper. 

"What the fuck is that?" Scout asked. And the mercenaries gasped as their gaze followed Scout's finger pointing at the ruined tuxedo.

"Engie, you gotta help me fix this, please…" Mundy laid the suit on the table, on the plates and cutlery.

"Well, Sniper, uh…" Engie scratched his bald head. 

"Please tell me you can fix it, he's gonna kill me when he gets back here!" 

"You did that?!" Scout asked. "Oh man you're dead, you're so, so dead!" He slammed his hands on his mouth, trying not to burst out in laughter. "He's gonna kill you alright and God knows if we're gonna find your pieces!"

Sniper's eyes never left Engie, his only hope. 

"How did that happen? Did you burn it?" Engie asked. 

"I didn't do it on purpose o'course but uh… yeah, and I had to put out the fire, that's why it's drenched…"

"Man it looks so expensive, he's gonna gut ya!" Scout exclaimed as he touched the fabric. 

Sniper's sweat was visible on his brow. 

"Listen, Sniper, uh, with all my PhDs, I can't fix that. I'm good with machines, robots, cars, mechanics and electronics in general. But that…? Nah, that ain't my thing… Sorry…"

"Bloody hell…" Sniper put a hand on his face. 

"Mein freund," Medic started, "simple burial or cremation? Please accept the burial, I might then as well harvest two or three things before we put the rest of your body six feet under the ground." 

"Gosh…" Sniper collapsed on a chair, his hand still on his face in shame and panic. 

"God bless your soul, Sniper." Soldier saluted his colleague. "We will say goodbye the true American way: trumpet and shots in the air. You were good son, real good, maybe even the best." Soldier removed his helmet and held it against his chest, his head low.

"Here laddie, ye might as well need some of that." Demo put his bottle of scrumpy on the table in front of Sniper. "Actually, wait…" He took a swig off it and put it back. "There." 

"Mmph! Mmmmph!" Pyro entered the room and put his balloonicorn plushie on Sniper's lap to comfort him. 

"I… Ugh…" Sniper left the kitchen and went to hide away in his den of a van. 

He locked himself up, sitting on the floor, his back on the cupboard under the sink. He was hugging the ruined suit as if life had been once there and left. Despite his colleagues trying to humour him, Mundy knew how strict his lover was on his suits. Hell, he remembered the first time he had tapped on his shoulder, it had been all friendly, at the end of a match, to congratulate Spy. But the Frenchman had spun on his heels and locked Mundy's arm behind his back with one hand while with the other, Mundy felt a blade on his throat. 

"Meow…" Perle brushed herself on him, purring to try and bring a bit of peace to him. But Mundy was still anxious. If Lucien could put a blade to his throat for touching his suit, what would he do if he had burnt and stained one? 

"Meow…?" The fluffy white cat jumped on Mundy's lap and stood on her back legs to brush her head on his mouth. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her as if it would be the last time. She purred. 

Meanwhile, Lucien had parked his car and went to his room. 

"Je suis de retour, mon amour."

[Honey, I'm home.]

Lucien got welcomed by silence. He raised an eyebrow and called. 

"Mundy?" 

No answer. The Frenchman started looking around and it only took him a minute to notice the stain of diluted wine on the carpet next to the fireplace. 

"Mundy?" He frowned and called again, but no answer. "Perle?" 

No one came trotting at him. He could feel it in his bones, something was wrong. He left his suite and headed for the living-room. 

"Gentlemen, have you seen Sniper by any chance?" 

The mercenaries froze. 

"Uh… No…" Scout answered and Spy smelled the bad lie. 

"Scout, clearly you have. Where is he?" 

Scout blushed beyond his ears and looked at Soldier and Demo for some help.

"God Bless his soul…." The American patriot removed his helmet again. "He was a good private. Strange accent for an American, but a very good comrade." 

"What are you talking about?" Spy frowned. 

"Look, lad, uh, w-we don't know where Sniper is…" 

"Why do you all look like that? Has something happened to him while I was away?" Spy asked, trying to hide how worried he was. 

Seeing his colleagues lower their heads and not answer drove him mad. 

"Answer me!" He shouted. "Where is he?!" 

"We don't know, ok?!" Scout answered back. 

"Imbéciles!" He shouted as he slammed as he slammed the door shut and ran out to the van.

[Imbeciles!]

He banged the door. 

"Mundy?! Mundy, are you here?!"

Mundy felt the heat of the shame make him melt in a pool of sweat and he held Perle closer to him still. He felt as if those were the last minutes of his life. Lucien banged on the door repeatedly again. Mundy's legs were jelly as he translated the impatience of the hard bangs of his lover as his rage… 

"Meow!" 

Lucien's pupils retracted to a dot. 

"Perle?! Ma chérie, tu es là?! Papa Mundy est avec toi?!"

[My sweetheart, are you in there? Is Papa Mundy with you?]

"Meow!" She repeated and Mundy felt betrayed by the fluffy white cat. She slipped off his arms and went to scratch the door with her claws, meowing repeatedly. 

On the other side of it, Lucien was dying of concern for his lover and why he wouldn't open his door to him. Was he that ill? Was what Soldier said to be taken literally? Had something terrible happened to Mundy while he was away? 

Lucien was not going to let any door stand between him and his lover. His professionalism came back to him in a flash of consciousness. He went to his cigarette case. He flipped it open and retrieved the pins concealed there to pick the lock. He eventually burst into the van, drowning the narrow dark space with the sunlight behind him.

"Mundy!" 

Lucien saw him sat on the floor, his head low and his arms wrapped around his legs. He threw himself at him, on his knees, paying little to not attention that his trousers might be ruined. 

"Mon amour! Is everything alright, look at me? Please!"

Lucien threw away his gloves and balaclava to better hold Mundy in his arms. 

"Mon Dieu, what is wrong with you? Are you hurt? Did something happen? Say something! Why are you alone with Perle here in the dark?!" 

"You're gonna kill me." A muffled voice answered. 

"Non! What the hell are you talking about?! I would never do such a thing! Tell me, mon amour, please, whatever it is, tell me…!" Lucien pleaded and Mundy raised his head. He was pale, more pale than Lucien, which was quite a feat as Mundy's natural skin tone was caramel because of the sun. 

"Promise me you won't be mad." Mundy looked up at Lucien who was crouching on the floor, his hands each on Mundy's cheeks. 

"Of course not, whatever it is, I won't get mad…" He answered, imagining the worst. "Y-you are seeing someone else? You want to leave me?" Lucien enquired, his voice slightly breaking. 

Mundy shook his head, still between Lucien's hands. 

"What is it then?" 

He pointed at the ruined suit on the floor next to him. 

"My suit for the opera…? What about it…?" 

And Mundy buried his head between his chest and his knees again. Lucien took the tuxedo in his hand and quickly saw the burn and stain. He smelled it and he connected it with the stain of wine he had seen in the living-room. 

"You spilled wine on my suit? But what is that? Why is it burnt? Did you get burnt? What happened?!" 

"P-promise me." Mundy implored. "Promise me you won't get mad." 

"I promise! I promise that and everything that you need and want now please, for the love of all that is holy, tell me!"

"I… When you called me, I knocked on the glass of wine and it spilled between the fireplace and the suit that was on the coffee table. I was talking to you and didn't realise things had caught on fire until I hung up… But it was too late… I-I'm sorry, love, I'll repay it to you, or-or I can repay it however you want, I swear I didn't do it on purpose… I-I'm so sorry…!"

"Oh mon Dieu…!" Lucien sighed in relief. "Oh you had me seriously worried, you and the rest of the team! Soldier seemed to say you were dying!"

"I was and I am! Cause you're gonna kill me for it!"

"Non! What the hell are you talking about! Mundy?" 

Mundy raised his eyes and Lucien cupped his face again. 

"Is that why you thought I was going to kill you?" 

Mundy nodded. 

"Mon amour, I love you more than any piece of fabric! I don't care about it! Mon Dieu I was so scared something terrible had happened to you…!" Lucien held Mundy so hard against him, he managed to pull him slightly off the ground. 

"Y-you're not mad at me?" 

"I'm furious!" He answered. "Never do that to me again! Never let me believe something bad had happened to you! You're… You're everything I have left with Perle…!" 

"So, you're not mad at me for destroying your suit?"

"Not half as much as I am for you worrying me that much!" Lucien slithered his fingers through his hair. "I will get the suit made again, that is no issue."

"I'm so sorry." 

"Forget it. The suit is immaterial and irrelevant." 

They stayed a few more minutes on the floor in the van, just enough for Mundy's skin to get their caramel tint back. 

"Je t'aime, mon coeur. The suit can get burnt as long as you are fine."

[I love you, my sweetheart.]

"Love ya too, darl'." 

They managed to stand up and share the hug they both needed. 

[bidrums]

Excerpt from my TMA AU that’s given me serious brainrot

(SPOILERS FOR TMA UP TO S4)

Background (contains spoilers for the S2 finale): I basically had this idea for an AU where Not!Sasha almost completes the process of turning into Jon before Leitner shows up, then makes a convincing performance of being the real Jon so the original Jon gets trapped in the wall before Not!Sasha (not Not!Jon) can finish and kill him. This particular scene has been in my brain for a while, and so I thought I’d write it out and share it! This scene takes place during S4

He tries not to be an ache. Or at least, not a noticeable ache, since at his very core that’s what he is. An ache in many forms, and ache with many faces, an ache with various memories and lives and degrees of intensity. For most of his new colleagues, he is the ache of no longer recognizing a close colleague, and of no longer remembering who they were. For Georgie, the ache of being the only one to remember a loved one without any way to give that knowledge to anyone else. For dearly departed Tim, he was the ache of no longer being close without knowing why, the ache of a loss forgotten in an instant and remembered in old polaroids (he’d considered burning them, but decided against it. Wether out of cruelty or mercy he doesn’t want to think about). And then he was the ache of having to be close to the person who caused multiple losses, a reminder of an old one, the culmination of pain blossoming into a wonderful flower he almost regretted creating and drawing nourishment from. For Jon stuck in the wall, he’s the ache of a future robbed of him, of connections made right in front of him but inaccessible to him. The wolf in sheep’s clothing parading itself in front of the naked lamb whose wool it’s housed in.

He’s an ache for Martin, he knows. Several aches. And a reminder of just another loss suffered on top of many more. Somehow the nourishment is bitter in his mouth, in his body. Aching hearts aren’t filling anymore; his being almost entirely giving itself over to the ever-present watching Eye that demands information while giving almost nothing in return. But he cannot deny his nature no matter how much the others wish him to. It’s easy for them. All they have to do is tell themselves to stop. To resist. They don’t have the agony of being ripped from everything they once were, of having their existence cruelly denied by their Maker (the sickening smile and harsh grating tones spitting out “I do not know you, but you are” forever playing over and over again in the back of his mind). Daisy knows, but hers is a different agony. A different ache. 

Martin’s aching has changed. It was hard to notice how, at first, but then the bitter fog of Loneliness creeping through. the Institute wrapped itself around him and made the ache hollow. Distant. Cold. The ache of true loss, of not being known or seen and it tasted worse than bitter in his mouth because it is nothing. 

Even when he’s pressed “his” former assistant against a wall and gently kissed him, the ache is tainted. Yes, the old feeling flares up and the bitterness is welcome (though the guilt of drawing from it, and the broken not him, not Martin, not another person, will you ever have enough? from Jon in the wall almost makes him stop) but the hollowness and cold of fog seeps out and curls through him and it makes him be the one to break first with a sharp gasp. Martin simply adjusts his glasses and pointedly does not remark on the fog dripping from both of their lips and instead sighs out, “Don’t.”

“Why?”

“You’re already hurting us enough. Don’t do this.”

“I’m not trying to hurt you.” A soft laugh (everything is soft now but not soft no it’s faded yes faded around the edges) at the statement.

“Doesn’t matter if you’re not trying to. It hurts.” Aches. Because he’s an ache. Because all he’ll ever be is an ache.

It hurts me, too.

Because it’s the loss of a moment they could have had. Because he wants to be there but is stuck in a wall instead.

“I try to not hurt. But I can’t help what I am.”

“Whatever you’re doing to Jon, keep me out of it. Don’t bring everyone into this.” That’s not fair. Not right. He grips Martin’s shoulder tightly.

“This isn’t about him.” Martin winces at the hot words. He lets go. “It’s not about him. He wants this- well, he want this to be him- but he isn’t why.” A shake of the head. Disbelief. Lonely, cold, aching, creeping fog.

“Then what’s it about?” The fog is contagious. Martin doesn’t mean to spread it but he is and he can feel it seeping into his bones (no one else understand this he won’t believe me none of them do). He shakes his head to clear it out.

“I’m allowed to want things,” he replies. “I’m allowed to want things for me.” And because he’s weak desperate for a real ache again, he gives another short kiss before leaving.

[that70sbitchsstuff]

Is it just me or does anyone want to see a crossover between That 70s Show and the ranch. Like honestly I REALLY shkp Jackie and Rooster, I mean how can I not they would make the cutest couple. Imagine this, after season 8 Jackie breaks up with Fez, gets the hell out of point place and goes on a road trip to find something better, something new. Along the way she realised that she's basically broke and finds a small town named garrison. She arrives there at 6am and finds a bar named Maggie's with a help wanted sign, she goes in, walks up to the lady behind the bar and says... "Hey, look I'm just going to be blunt and say I'm normally not caught dead in places like these, but I'm really desperate and need a job and the sign outside says you need my help, so is there a manager I can talk to or something"Jackie said in a somewhat rushed and desperate voice.

The lady looks somewhat offended but also a little amused by Jackie's desperate tone, she didn't look like someone who was strapped for cash, in fact she look really young around 19 or 20. She had, her raven hair curled perfectly,her make-up done to a tee and she was certainly dressed to impress, in nee length leather boots, blue jeans tucked underneath and a clearly expensive red off the shoulder, only slightly baggy sweater and all of this to accommodated by a very pretty face with doll like features, she had big mismatched eyes one brown,one blue, full pouty lips, high cheeks bones but you could see that the girl was hurting underneath her innocent eyes. So the woman looked her up and down, raised her eyebrow, smirked and said....

"What in the hell makes you think ANYONE is gonna hire you with that attitude. Also do you even have the qualifications to work at a bar." The lady said in a thick southern accent. She looked to be in her late 50s or early 60s, her brown hair was short and curly and she had brown eyes and thin lips. She had on a pair of black Jean's, a denim shirt jacket and lilac tee-shrit that hung loosely around her body. In all honesty she looked a little bit like a hippie but she also didn't look like the type to take shit from anyone.

" Oh please" Jackie said offended, as she thought who wouldn't want to hire her."Firstly it's a bar, what 'qualifications' could I possibly need to-

"ok I'm gonna stop you right there" The woman said interrupting Jackie." I think we've been gotten a bit off track here and I'm on the verge of kicking your ass out of here. So I would like to know your name before I do that." She said very falsely sweet voice.

Jackie was taken aback, she was always so used to the 'customer is always right' motto. When she worked in the salon, the motto was practically engraved in to her mind. Her mother had also taught her to expect no less from employees or any kind of staff for that matter because their "basically our servants Jackie, we just dont have to pay them" her mother always said, to say that warped her young mind on how to treat people equally would be a understatement.

Her eyes widened a bit as she stammered out her reply, still a little caught off guard by the woman's bluntness" O-oh umm I'm Jackie, Jackie Burkhart" Jackie said confidently" And I'm sorry if I came on a little strong there, i just haven't gotten the hang of this 'job thing' yet. So what's your name." Jackie asked curiously.

The woman eyed Jackie curiously before giving her an answer.

"Maggie Bennett, and I am the owner of this bar".

After this exchange the two women quickly became acquainted with each other but cant help but be a little stand-offish. Jackie had learned that Maggie has been the owner of the bar for over 20 year which blow blew her mind but also that she was going through some martial issues and had two grown sons. Maggie had found out that Jackie was on something of a self discovery journey (something that Maggie envied) because of troubles back home. She had also learned that Jackie came from money and didn't have alot of job experience. This had helped Maggie in her decision in wether or not to hire Jackie but finally came to a conclusion......

"well kid your only 21, have had just three short job experiences and are pretty clueless when it comes to any manual labour other than fixing a car surprisingly." Maggie said in a toneless voice, which only made Jackie even more nervous. She knew she wasn't that experience but what she lack for in that she gained in determination.

Jackie looked at Maggie visibly worried now, even though she tried to calm her self down, she was afraid that Maggie was going to laugh her out of the building.

"Well...... you've got the job!" Maggie exclaimed happily but before she could anything else out, she had an arm full of Jackie Burkhart squealing happily and hugging the life out of her.

"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!" Jackie squealed gleefully and surprisingly she was really(excuse the language) fucking excited about this job. Because to her this will be her first job out in the real world, and yes you could argue that the cheese palace, the salon and working for that god awful woman who's name shall not be spoken (purely because I forget it), as real jobs but Jackie didn't because they were in that small town, that small town that took everything she loved, that small town that had been suffocating up until she left...she fucking hated that small town.

So she was excited about this new opportunity, this new chance to make something of her self to use her experience out in the rea-" wait, I have very little experience in these types of things, you even said it yourself self! why are you even hiring me". Jackie said curiously and a little self consciously, that was something was new to her.

"Well a number of reasons first one would probably be because you know how to make some pretty complicated drinks" That's right, Jackie remember telling her that she knew how to make alot of different drinks, not only from years of watching her own mother make 'special smoothies' but also from watching Mrs Forman make all different drinks." And well..... I'm low on staff and as long as you promise to not drink any of the alcohol, you can work here." Maggie said a little sheepish.

"Oh ok, well then I promise not to disappoint you and you dont have to worry about me drinking on the job, I'm more of a smoker than a drinker" Jackie said reassuringly"So when do I start."

"Right now" Maggie said "But its only 8AM dont bars usually open at like 6 or 7" Jackie asked confusingly.

"Oh honey not in this town, alcohol is kinda the only thing they have" Maggie said in a tone that was meant to sound jokingly, but something told Jackie that she was serious.

So for the next few hours Jackie worked as a bartender. She met all kinds of different people including some of the regulars. But it wasn't until 6PM when Jackie met the rest of the Bennett family.

Jackie had looked up from her place at the bar and saw three men walk in. The first one being an old man who looked to be in his 70s he full head of white hair and a white moustache, a khaki green button-up shirt and a pair of blue jeans with muddy boots. He had remained her of Mr Forman on account of him having a natural scowl on his face. The second man was tall and build, his face was very sculpted with refined features such as a builded jaw line, he had brown hair and a backwards red cap on, a blue and red check shirt with a grey shirt underneath, black jeans and a pair of muddy uggs that he could NOT pull off. He remained her of Kelso due to the goofy look on his face and the build of his body. The third man had her doing a double take, he looked so much like steven it was almost if he was right there. He had a full head of curly hair (although alot more tame than Stevens) and a bushy beard with squirted blue eyes, he had a light brown leather jacket with a red shirt on, navy blue jeans , with a pair of muddy cowboy boots? Seriously did these men not have any sense of fashion.

"Seriously I cant even shut a truck door right" the second man said flabbergasted. "I'm sure you could why you choose not to is beyond me" the first man replied patronisingly.

Judging by the tone of the conversation Jackie could only assume they were having a fight and honestly the old man reminded her so much of Red Forman that she was waiting for a 'Dumbass' or a 'foot up the ass' comment. Also both men had thick southern accent to them, like Maggie so she assumed they were from around here.

That was when the steven look alike spoke up." Hey, I'm gonna hit the bar. But in case you guys run out of things to fight about.." He paused as if he were about to reveal something important."Colt's Jean's cost 85 bucks" He said as he took his leave. His voice sounded almost like Steven's just older and had a southern accent to it.

As Jackie seen him approaching the bar she turned around and pretended to not have been ease dropping on their conversation.

I will post an update here and on fanfiction.net, hoped everyone liked it.

[thebidoctors]

characters from each series i’ve watched and wether or not they believe in ghosts (the way i hc them anyways)

TOS

bones : absolutely not. will refuse to even entertain the idea of ghosts. if they’re dead, they’re dead, end of story.

spock : lets the crew think he doesn’t believe in em, but my man is secretly a believer. however, he doesn’t think they have the power to inflict harm. very much of the attitude “if the worst thing they are rumoured to do is slam doors, i’m not afraid.”.

jim : believes. big time. is wary of ghosts. probably wouldn’t be a f r a i d of them, but would ban ouija boards on the ship.

uhura : thinks it’d be pretty neat if they DID exsist, but doesn’t think they’re real. also agrees with spock, that if they are real, and the worst they can do is slam a door, they aren’t all that scary.

sulu : thinks all ghosts and demons and stuff are real and a threat. think ryan begara type.

chekov : thinks all ghosts and demons and stuff are real and a threat, but thinks he can take them on. he isn’t afraid, and he WILL disrespect a ghost just so he could fight it.

chapel : thinks ghosts are like fairytales. doesn’t believe in them at all but enjoys the stories. sometimes pretends to believe to piss off bones.

m’benga : kind of like a mix between uhura and chapel. he doesn’t think they’re real, but is open to the possibility and enjoys hearing stories about them. at the same time, he enjoys debunking every “paranormal” experience jim claims to have with chapel’s and uhura’s help.

scotty : fuck yeah he believes. not so much in ghosts, but in the old fae and shit, which are dangerous. he will not do anything that might piss off the fae. ghost and demons he doesn’t really believe in but at the same time he will provoke them in the hopes of fighting one, like chekov.

AOS

bones : life is shitty enough without ghosts. haunt your own house by wailing around the corridors at night. you don’t need ghosts to go insane when you live on a tin can hurtling through the void faster than the speed of light. doesn’t believe in ghosts and will be pissed enough to get rid of them if they do.

spock : doesn’t believe. at all. enjoys debunking “evidence”. is sick of explaining that science actually DOES account for unexplained phenomena. sometimes stuff happens that we can’t explain because we don’t yet have the knowledge required. is t h i s close to punching jim if he tried to convince him ghosts are real one more time.

jim : believes. whooooo boy he believes. probably more adamant about it than he would be solely to debate it with spock. would fight a ghost, but is semi-respectful of them (i.e has shane madej vibes, but less aggressive lmao).

uhura : doesn’t believe. doesn’t argue the point of the existence of ghosts with people who do believe though (unless they’re jim). gets annoyed when people use ghosts as an excuse for easily explained incidents, but won’t let it show.

sulu : does believe, but in a “hey they don’t seem pretty powerful i could take one in a fight” kinda way. would own an ouija board just to scare jim.

chekov : doesn’t believe, but in the “pffft ghosts aren’t real wait what the fUCK WAS THAT NOISE HELP” kind of way. maybe doesn’t believe in ghosts, but does in supernatural entities. or maybe he does believe he just wants to seem chill and Logical infront of the rest of the crew.

scotty : doesn’t know wether or not to believe, but has a “fuck the ghosts and the fae” kinda vibe. 10/10 would flip off the ghost of his grandmother or some shit like that.

keenser (is that his name? scotty’s buddy) : is possessed.

TNG

beverly : nah. remember how slow she was to believe in the “ghost” that haunted her grandmother? only believed in ghosts when an alien posing as one seduced her and made her think they were real. idk if scottish folk are anything like irish folk when it comes to ghost stories, but if they ARE she’ll have a healthy liking of ghost stories and fables, but she doesn’t believe.

picard : doesn’t believe. doesn’t really like ghost stories either. thinks that the concept of ghosts is pretty cool, because he’s a history buff and would find it pretty useful, but nah. not real.

data : finds the human concept of ghosts to be intriguing, has a full database on every recorded incident wherein supernatural activity has been suspected. on the other hand, he is able to explain 99% of those incidents. is interested, but thinks it’s unlikely.

geordi : he believes, but he he isn’t afraid. he’d do seances and ouija boards for fun if other people were down for it.

deanna : nah. she knows too much about how beings with brains perceive the world around them, and knows that sometimes the brain will blip. due to priming, many of these brain blips (mm v scientific) are perceived as supernatural occurrences. so she doesn’t believe they exsist, but she is interested in why others think they’re real.

riker : fuck yeah he believes. has confiscated geordi’s ouija board and thrown it out an airlock. fears the supernatural. might be exaggerating this fear because it amuses deanna. likes to talk to data about ghosts.

worf : yeah. he gives me believer vibes. can’t explain it, i’m not sure how exactly he believes in them, or why, but he does. i don’t think he’s afraid of them though.

nurse ogawa : she also believes, but not in a super “FEAR AND RESPECT THE SUPERNATURAL” way. is down for seances and ouija boards with geordi.

keiko : yeah, kinda? i think she doesn’t believe fully, but wouldn’t be surprised if they turned out to be real.

miles : ok he doesn’t believe in GHOSTS per say, but banshees? the sidhe? headless carriages? the white lady? fuck yeah. omens all the fucking way.

[tgai-spock]

anyway here chapter 1 new trek fic with spock erm. they.

no title

untitled

will find it oh shit its 1 now

The talk of the ship was a book, created by Anna Natasha detailing the events of people in life threatening situations, some of whom were ex-starfleet. It was the newest hit culture sensation. The beginning to the book was filled with the species involved, human, orion just common facts about their species, how long they could go without food, how long they could go without water, It was unneccesery as every moment a person spent in peril the narrator tended to remind you, but it was introsting. The book wasn’t about comparing, it was about pushing the boundaries of surivial, hope in the face of certain death, so it was no surprise the Captain Kirk had managed to devour it.

“I’m just saying” Kirk said with a shrug “I’m forcing the whole crew to read the entire thing.”

Spock, who had stopped and blinked up back to Kirk “I don’t think-“

“It’s logical” Kirk counters.

Spock raises an eyebrow “how?”

“It’s full of surivial tips, in different situations with real people.”

“Hold - hold on. Some of the things people do actively put themselves in a worse situation, take Akala and David, they’d have a few extra toes each if they hadn’t caused that avalanche.”

“True” Kirk nodded “but, we can learn from their mistakes, don’t start a fire beanth a mountain made curly of snow.”

“Jim boy, if there’s some silly folks thinking lighting a fire while inside the mountain thats more snow than stone I don’t think there’s any hope for them.”

“Yet David and and Akala still survived” Spock said.

“Hey, you would agree with me. That said you’ve be awful to have any, the amount of wrong survival decisions you make.”

Spock frowned “I am still alive, therefore I have made all the right survival decisions.”

“Jim, what do you think you should do when your stabbed through?”

“Die? No see a doctor.”

“Great, so you can confirm, you do not run around, and then try to fight people?”

“Objection, I did see you a doctor first, unfortunately it was you-”

“Hey!” McCoy yelled.

“Gentlemen, please” Kirk rolled his eyes “I’ve already made up my mind, it’s mandatory reading.”

“I doubt it will make much difference” McCoy said into his lunch “I think the whole crews already gone through it, I’ve seen Chapel read through it twice. She think Adam Smith cute. Ugh.”

“Was that the Adam in the desert or the one working in the natural disaster relief?”

“The one that got himself lost in the desert.”

“She has bad taste”

“Yeah I’d say” McCoy said grinning, knowing her not so secret crush.

“I bet I could fill an entire book with my near death experiences” Kirk says placing the book down and finished off his stake.

“That’s all my logs are. You drag me down to a damn planet I don’t need to be on, an I almost die.”

“You hardy ever die.” Spock mumbles.

“Thank you Spock, oddly enough the ideal amount of times to die, is once, and it should be perment. But oddly enough I do count people shooting weapons at me as a near death experience.”

Spock frowned “even if they don’t hit you?”

“Why are you acting like thats weird? Yes even if the loaded gun misses my head by 2mm and I am unscathed, that is still a near death experience.”

“Then I could defiantly fill up a book of near death experiences that I didn’t even get whilst on duty” Kirk said.

“Likewise.”

“You should both be dead. I am the only one keeping this ship alive.”

“Fun fact I really should be dead” Spock said.

“I’m signing you up to therapy-”

“A slightly older version of me went back in time, and save me from dying when I was a child.”

“He’s lost his marbles.”

“Really?” Kirk frowned.

Spock looked up to Kirk and frowned “yes.”

“Right. Of course. You’d think time travel would be a bit harder to come by, when I was a kid I never even imagined time travel to exist.”

“That would save us both a lot of trouble.”

“I sure hope your referring to a certain planet, and not your own existence.”

“I was referring to how your up bring and birth would have been completely different but your not wrong.”

“Oh I guess so, any time travel in you childhood Bones?” Kirk asks.

“No Jim. I’m a normal person. Just a country doctor.” He says smugly.

“I’m a normal person. I think, and Spock a normal-”

“The only vulcan humans hybrid.”

“That doesn’t make you unnormal.”

“Mathmaticlly it does.”

“Well I’m not speaking math, your a normal person to me.”

“I have no concept of the words you are saying, but, thank you?”

“That’s it! The only un-normal person I’ve ever known was this boy in my high school, he used to cut open animals and try to frankenstein them back into life.”

A psychopath…or a scientist? Spock psychopath or scientist?”

“You eat dead animals all the time” Spock said “how are you not a psychopath.”

“I’m not just saying that, if theres a lot of animal deaths going on there it’s an early sign that they could later try killing a human.”

“Intresting… then I would suggest an immoral scientist.”

“So evil.”

* * *

He turned the tablet over in his hands, and he turned it again so the email would look at him. He turned it around again, a slow spin, his mind making the same turns. In the end it was a two way choice to accept or reject. To accept would give people a glimpse of himself, it would help home vulcans, and it could mean that his own crew would treat him differently. Worse. Or that look of pity, something that should only be given to a puppy needing a home, a look that should only be given by those stepping up to home the puppy. Not a look to a person about an experience so long ago that it was now apart of their being. To reject would hold off valuable resources to vulcan. Not hold away as such, but he could bring extra to those who need it, for those to rebuild their culture before the older vulcans with knowledge die before the planned regains its true self suficentcy. New vulcan currently had an unbalance, doctors to builders, to skilled to unskilled. Skilled workers needed to be brought in from outside sources and that did cost money. His tablet buzzes, another email from Kirk. He wants to talk.

Spock enters Kirks room at the same time as McCoy. McCoy got that air about him, like a hen puffing up to protect her eggs.

“Whats going on Jim?” McCoy asks.

“You would never believe the email I just got” Kirk said with a smile, and McCoy unpuff a bit sensing his mood.

“What is it?” McCoy asked.

“Anna Natasha has just informed me that she has permission to seek any life and death stories from starlet personal, as long as they haven’t happened while on duty, or involve starfleet.”

“Oh well you said just this morning you could fill an entire book. Are you thinking about accepting.”

“I don’t know” Kirk shrugged “should I? They offered me a lot of money, and whilst there are some situations I don’t want to repeat… I think I have a couple of situations I wouldn’t mind sharing.”

“Well, whatever you do, just don’t accept for the money.”

“I have the same email.”

“Oh?” Kirk says surprised.

“And I was thinking about accepting just for… the donation to new vulcan.”

“Oh. Donating. To new vulcan - hey I could do that? I could get my self a few treats, and then donate the rest.” Kirk said thoughtfully.

“Don’t let me influence how you spend your money” Spock said.

“No, I’d want to, I could split some cash between charities. Do you think my crew would disrespect if I told everyone, about this time I spat in a mans face.”

“Did you do it while also pushing a plane wreck survivor over the edge a cliff?” McCoy asked.

“No, I did not pull a Bella Saurus.” Kirk said.

“Then I think it might be okay. You could always retell me about the situation first, and then I could give you my initial reaction. You too Spock. In fact clear it with both of us first.”

“Is that an order?”

“I’m just saying, you ain’t got emotions, for all I know you could have cut up a corpse to keep yourself warm, and that ain’t going to go over smoothly with there rest of the crew.”

“Firstly thats disgusting, and secondly that sounds logical.”

“Jim, Jim help me.”

“It is not an order Spock, do whatever you like. However if you would like an ear to bat one of your experiences off first to see if that will effect how you interact with your crew, both me and McCoy offer a friendly ear.”

“Thank you.”

“Thats what I just set.”

“No… you said somethings about cutting up copses and living in them. Would that work?”

“It does, many people have survived a cold winter by climbing into the corpse of a dead animal.”

“Humans are weird.”

“Okay.

* * *

Four days after he received his email Spock realised that he not care what his crew thought of him, he had had foul rumour spread across the ship many times before he’d become commander and some after. Half of the rumours were true. But it had never stopped him, whether someone thought he was mean or cruel. If someone decided he was stupid, or a narcissist or selfish psychopath. It didn’t matter. Wether his crew viewed him as evil or good he could still common them, put them in the brig for disobedience, but few disobeyed him know he’d follow through fully on any threats. The only thing that held him back was James.T.Kirk and Leonard McCoy, and a few of the other commanding officers he respected and admired. He did care what they thought of him, and it worried him to think that they might learn of one experience and think of him as evil, though he couldn’t even bring to mind the slightest of experiences that could label him as evil, as least not one he had taken off duty. On the seventh day after receiving the email, he decided he wanted to tell them anyway.

It was an odd experience, he was not what could be described as a talker, and he liked to represent himself as the person he was in the moment. Not to be judged by the past but only by the present an ever turning of events. Not to be judged by the future nor the past, not to allow someone to think that all these past things were an explanation for his present being when in between all of that were countless books, people, and not so threatening experiences, mundane everyday activities which just as much effected his present if not ever more so. He did know Jim had been on taurus, he had told him a long time ago through passing conversation. He didn’t talk about it a lot, just mentioned it. Spock didn’t judge him for it and couldn’t, but that didn’t mean other people didn’t. Yet Spock did not have a taurus. So he wasn’t really sure what he was so worried about, most of the situations he was in, was in part due to his clumsiness. After duty the three gathered to talk for an evening.

* * *

McCoy opened up his medical chest on the coffee table between them. They were in Jims quarters one of the few rooms that allowed a personal place to sit, and these sofas were rarely used.

“Just to be clear” Jim said “I don’t need a hypo.” McCoy grinned and opened the chest to reveal a bottle of brandy.

“Is there any occasion that will not result in you drinking?” Spock asked somewhat unsurprised.

“Brain surgery. Well, I mean I’ll have a shot to keep my nerves down, medicinal helps me work.”

“You’ve done brain surgery on me” Spock said appalled.

“One shot just wasn’t going to help me I did, five.”

“Jim” Spock said seriously.

“He’s joking Spock” Jim said scratching his head, as he took a glass from McCoy.

“I’m not” McCoy mouthed at Spock.

“Bones don’t.”

“Wait Spock, what would you rather, I do brain surgery on you after one shot, or an unknown sober vulcan does brain surgery on you.”

“Neither let me die in peace.”

“Thats it buddy, one more word that some how equates to you not being alive, and I’m putting you back on suicide alert.”

“You had him on suicide alert?” Jim asked appalled “are okay.”

“I am perfectly fine, and not suicidal” Spock says seriosuly.

“I literally don’t know whats going through his head, I have him on it almost every other week. Although it is procedure to put people on suicide alert after they’re toruted or have a near death experience for at least four weeks. And Spock rarely goes without either.”

“They’re should be a maximum amount of near death experiences that can get you put on suidide, and then after twenty five or so, they just shouldn’t apply.” Spock said.

“See that sounds logical to him” McCoy shrugged “when humans get beat up that much they usually get so tired being in pain so often that sometimes, the kill themselves.”

“I haven’t.”

“The procedures are for normal people. Anyway” McCoy swirls the drink in his glass as he points from Spock to Jim “who’s starting? Lets get these death tales underway, I might even throw one in myself. But only one, unlike some people I’m not dying every other day.”

“Fair enough” Jim nodded “Spock, you’ve heard some of mine before now, would you mind starting.”

“That seems fair, although I have decided to go for my youngest experiences as I feel people won’t be able to hold that strong opinion on something a child has done.”

“You? A child? I doubt.”

“Thats true I was just a very short man.” Spock agree and McCoy snorted into his drink.

“Okay I’m sorry. Okay. I am turning into nice McCoy, go on with your story.”

“Well you’ve not nearly drunk enough to turn into nice McCoy but very well.”

The gaps between us

I was nine years old at the time, it was Van’Dra at the time on vulcan. Vulcan has six seasons, Van’Dra is the hottest of them, it is the only season where the desert doesn’t cool at night and the cheikkka bugs can be spotted with their glowing neon wings gathering in groups before coming to their yearly demise. Vulcans schools don’t have a summer holiday as such, but as it is the time of most wildlife, and the occasional festival, this season is used to practice survival skills, or for independent learning and volunteer work, which the majority of all school age children work for to support their own communities and gain outside knowledge of how the world works.

That year I had not applied to work the in any volunteer work as it was pointless, despite my fathers stubborn insistence that I do so. Instead I had decided to spend my time studying, and visiting ‘Vulcans Forge’ by myself.

“Wait is that not obviously dangerous?” McCoy asked. 

“Yes, but not for me I spent a lot of my time there.” Spock said. 

“Why? Just in the outback.” McCoy said.

“I like nature and I like looking at bugs, thats why I’m a scientist.”

“Okay… I guess. no wait loads of fully grown vulcans used to die there. I remember-”

“McCoy are you trying to talk me out of going to a place that no longer exists.”

“Let him talk” Jim moaned who was very much enjoying listening to the info dump on vulcan.

“Well, I’m just saying, that just sounds like a bad idea. Sounds like a Adam in the desert move.”

“I spent more time in the desert than my own home. What I am talking about is probably the worst thing, with a single exception, to happen to me in the desert, and I spent 8 more years visiting the forge without incident.”

“Okay well that-”

“I’ve not even begun-”

“Sorry! Sorry carry on Mr Spock. Stop telling me about the seasons.”

“It’s important.”

“You almost die of thirst? You get heat stroke?”

“Have another drink Doctor.” Spock said and he continued.

My brother-

“BROTHER?!” Both McCoy and Kirk yelled.

“Oh you didn’t know?” Spock said slyly “maybe I’ll tell you about him if you be quiet.”

“A brother? I have so many questions.” Jim said

“Can I answer all of them?” Spock asked

“Sorry carry on.”

My brother, the son of Sarek, and a vulcan princess, had come out of a distant small mountain community- McCoy if you say one more word I will kill you. He had recently moved into our family home as his mother had died. His entire existence had been kept a secret and was a surprise to everyone. No. No McCoy save your questions for later.

Sybok was a truly unique vulcan and one of whom I rarely met. His mother had believed in emotion- if I have to remind you one more time I will end you without mercy. So he was taking time to adjust to the house. My Father always urged the strictest emotional control, more so than any normal vulcan would ask, my mother would go against his wishes anytime he was gone more than a day from the house. Yet she was rarely so emotional with me, she might watch a film with me but or introduce me to a new earth book, but with Sybok she encouraged him to be happy. Since Sybok had missed out on important training in controlling himself at a young age and saw his emotion to the one thing tying him to his mother he found this entire concept very difficult and disturbing.

[nxctiphany]

@anarallah​ WORD PROMPTS - Always accepting (feel free to turn into threads) [ guard ] for your muse to step between my muse and danger // for crow or ingram !!

                                                     ★ ☆ ✮ ✯ ―☽ ―★ ☆ ✮ ✯

      Even the blood of another vampire feels tepid against his frigid skin as it slowly cascades down his arm - the thick liquid lodged beneath elongated nails as he grit sharpened fangs and stumbled back. The vampire before them was a stranger - one entirely unknown to him in both scent and appearance, but there’s something that rises up from the pit of his stomach that screams he’s made a mistake - that he shouldn’t have struck them. He knows they’re not from the coven - he knows this for a fact, any vampire that was would have Orpheus’s scent clinging to them endlessly, but he feels uneasy. Their timing is too good to be true - lashing out at them when Lilenna seems to be tip toeing into territory neither one of them should know about, but have somewhat managed to uncover beneath the countless layers that compose the bathhouse and the seemingly infinite number of connections Orpheus appears to have. And that’s what makes his hair stand on edge; makes his skin prickle as he watches the other vampire slowly get back to their feet - long limbs dragging on the earth and fangs protruding from its thin lips. It looks more like a beast than a human being and less like a vampire than an animal. Since it had lashed out at them it had yet to make sound; yet to speak, and he was beginning to believe they were incapable of doing so. It’s limbs seemed clumsy - like it wasn’t used to the body it had been thrust in. And it reeked of blood. Far more so than himself or any of the vampires in the coven. He had lived for centuries and had never seen a creature like it before.

       And, perhaps, that’s why he felt so uneasy. Why the voice in his head wouldn’t cease. Why felt as if he shouldn’t have attacked it despite the fact that it had rushed at them. Lilenna was human, he had acted thinking of her safety above all else, but he fears he might have endangered her more. And that creeping suspicion is confirmed when that thing’s lips twisted into a crooked smile - jagged fangs poking at its own fleshy lips as grimy, silver hangs in front of its pasty skin. Despite its wound - etched deep into his thin torso, it can still grin - still stand upright with hunched shoulders and long nails tapping against the pavement. And it sends a chill down his spine, but that chill pales in contrast to the one that floods through his entire body as a voice echoes in the very back of his mind - deep, savory, and smooth: ‘Haven’t you learned not to tread where you’re not wanted, yet?’ It’s a voice he knows like he knows the back of his own hand and his fingers curl into fists at his side as it hums softly within the confides of his own head. He has never trusted Orpheus and, now more than ever, he knows that to be the right choice. ‘Let me teach you then.’        

       In an instant, the shock on his features morphs into one of agony. Fingers unfolding to claw at his own scalp as a searing, indescribable pains flares up within his own body. And he grits his teeth harder, knees slamming hard against the pavement with a thud that he can’t even feel against the pain surging through every limb of his body - every muscle - every organ - every bone. Crimson irises wide and glossy as they try to look away from the ground to watch the beast, but the edges of his vision are blurry at best - its unshapely form becoming little more than a fuzzy, unmoving mass in front of him and the sound of Lilenna’s voice is distant to the point of being no more than a soft buzz in his ringing ears. And he tears his nails away from his head to avoid slicing upon his own head in the pain, plunging them into the pavement until they threaten to snap against its hard surface. His entire body is quaking, or the ground is, he can’t tell, but he’s fairly certain it’s his own and he wants to fold in on himself until he can’t hold anymore - forehead pressing against the hard surface of the stone as he coils and trembles. It feels as if his entire body is trying to tear itself apart from the inside out while his flesh is burning and someone is running a spear through his chest. No, the pain is even worse than that - like he’s already been split into a thousand tiny pieces and each piece of him is trying to divide again.   

     His lips part - blood oozing out against white fangs and dripping onto the ground between his hands. He can’t think straight - there’s nothing but the pain present within his own mind, even though he knows what it is. He’s felt it before. The pact Orpheus had forced them all into - he’s incurred its wrath once before, but it had been brief, fleeting; Ingram had been present and forced Orpheus to stop the second he noticed. Feeling it like this, now, after all of those centuries doesn’t seem real. The pain is so intense that it doesn’t feel like it’s happening to him. And he can feel his vision wavering - threatening to go dark, but he can’t afford to lose consciousness now. He doesn’t know wether or not Orpheus intends to kill him - no, he even thinks it’s unlikely when he’s fully aware of the fact that his death would surely make Ingram spiral, but he will kill Lilenna if given the chance - that thing will kill her if given the chance. And he tries to swallow around the blood pouring from his mouth, painting ivory skin scarlet and clinging to his neck, but he can’t. His body is going to tear itself apart or he will - with his own hands that can’t keep holding onto the ground; that want to lash back out towards himself and claw his soul out of his own skin. 

     And then, it’s faint - so very faint against the heat and the pain, but he feels something press against his skin - like something is holding onto him. And he gags on the blood in his mouth, forcing lips shut as his vision begins to focus and he can see Lilenna kneeling in front of him and the fear creeps back up his spine through the flaring pain. “L-Lilenna,” he chokes out; thick, crimson liquid splattering against her soft skin as he wills his voice out from the depths of his hoarse, raw throat. “G-Go...I-I’ll be f-fine...” He can barely hear the sound of his own words as they leave his lips - strangled and inflamed. While she still can, she needs to run - she needs to leave him behind.