#I didn't like myself very much back then
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No, it's fine. I was getting used to losing my Sublime albums.
You can take the speakers away and my fucking CD player but you can't take the music out of my soul.
#to come up with a lie so Sublime and close to the truth#the women always go into a bit of a guttural fit when they get that dick extra deep#I stayed fucked up a lot back then#I kept my canine with me though#I saw that oreo today#I didn't like myself very much back then#being forced to live with a stepdad like that will drive you nuts#although it feels like I know the type#there are stories of women at bridal showers who banged the husband but rare to hear of ones who dyked the bride#I like two women because it is hot and turns me the fuck on that's why
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been replaying the Portal series I think this is where its heading
#i haven't drawn in like. half a month. which listen i know i don't post much here but i do draw a lot#i have another blog. but also sometimes i just don't post things. i draw for myself#just got burnt out from working on an animation final 😔#so anyway. eased myself back in with a silly comic about portal#my irl saw my shitty sketch and thought glados was painting chell which is very funny to me.#chelldos#but like. unrequited. glados is obsessed with chell. chell is not having a good time#portal#chell#GlaDOS#GlaD0S#my art#og post#1k#5k#10k#20k#edit: i made this post almost a year ago and it haunts me. theres a typo. chell is out of character.#because i couldn't come up with a good reason for her to be there in the first place#and this was a shitty ms paint replicating drawing that i did just to get back into drawing#i didn't think it would gain much attention#i was Wrong#anyway someone in the comments said this is what happens when you speedrun thats an infintely better setup for the punchline#EDIT 2: ok i fixed it fuck you
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"little miss prairie faerie" is a cute name actually... (but I won't use it if she doesn't like it)
#neopets#illusen#aquanutart#thank you faerie festival for letting me support my childhood fave#even though i stumbled into the festival five days in and was randomly assigned a team because i was too late to choose#i was like yesss i can get rid of all my junk from the plot--wait i can get a faerie doll??#nevermind. i have to do this RIGHT#okay! time to rediscover my addiction to cheat!#...okay! time to restrain myself from spending all my free time on cheat!#i used to sit there obsessively playing cheat! on dial-up back in the day#also due to the festival i won at cheeseroller for the first time in my entire life. then i was too happy with my honey cheese to donate it#as a kid i didn't know how to play cheeseroller because i didn't know what cheese name to enter#i just sat there staring at the empty input box trying to think of a name of a cheese out of my head. it was very frustrating#i kept playing cheeseroller after i won because i was so happy i finally figured out how to play but i haven't won again since then#my one honey cheese remains my treasured prize. no i did not donate it#anyway my determination to farm 8-point items ended after one day when i realized how much time it takes to play cheat!#and i switched to 6-point but then missed a day and wound up with not enough points to get the staff#but i had actually been agonizing anyway over how i wouldn't end up with enough points to get the staff AND the faerie doll#simple choice now. i can have faerie dolls guilt-free
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Okay. Fellas. Real talk. I've seen some of you do it and I thank you profusely for doing so but can yall PLEASE credit the original artist of that piece yall kinda made into an a dtiys/art meme? That's not official art. I am point blank refusing to engage with any of these pieces that I see not doing such. (Even when it pains me to keep scrolling, because some of them are really good!! And I want them here!!! But I do have some rules for myself I try to stand firm by with this blog.)
Like you can literally see them say right there that it's fine IF YOU CREDIT. I'm fucking begging you.
I'm not mad at anyone who didn't know but I've seen SO MANY versions at this point, and I think I've seen maybe 3 or 4 of them RECENTLY include the credit. (And one with improper credit, I think?) Please. Please just. Tack it on.
#ive been sitting on this for a couple days but im very tired and i would just like us all to please be reasonable. just. edit it into your +#+ captions. please. nothing to be done abt people who've already reblogged stuff but please. please please please#respect your fellow artists enough to credit where credit is do#ooc#txt#spto#sp comic#spvtw#spvtwtg#scott pilgrim#scott pilgrim vs the universe#scott pilgrim takes off#i added alt text just in case but i seriously cannot stress enough how much extensive typing like this is fucking uo my hand a bit#so if anyone wants to better/fully transcribe the screenshots ill rb it and/or edit the alt text that's currently there#also. again. im really not mad at anyone who didn't know. but like. come on guys. i know someone else made a post abt this cause i was +#+ debating adding something along these lines to that post but i figured I'd just make my own (anxietyyy *finger guns as though this is +#+somehow supposed to be the better alternative*)#edit: i hate it when i come back and find a typo that im unsure how to fix. but also even if i fixed it i shot myself in the foot queueing +#+it up already... 😑 im very tired
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JULIE AND THE PHANTOMS (2020) // JULIE E OS FANTASMAS (2011) 1.01 - Wake Up // 1.01 - Enfrentando Fantasmas -> Julie meets the Band.
#julie and the phantoms#julie e os fantasmas#jatp#mine#mine:gif#storytime: when i was in middle school i found myself to be obsessed with julie e os fantasmas (jeof)#and by watching it i have learned some words in portoguese which - later in my life - i have always wanted to learn better#besides that - in middle school i used to wear julie's iconic side ponytail !! i was THE biggest jeof fan like EVER#i used to watch it with my little sister and i would pretend i had some ghosts friends as well - popping out of my stereo (lol)#so... flash forward to 2020. i can't recall HOW i found out about jatp... it's just that i have heard of it and i was like hold on...#does this have to do anything with jeof? so i was super intrigued and watched the pilot and YES!! a brand new up-to-date remake#of my favorite tv show as a kid LIKE WOW. and idk i thought it was somehow underground as the og one ... saw NO ONE talking about it online#until up recently when i got back on tumblr (actually 2 years ago) and i saw there was this LIVELY community of people appreaciating this#show AS MUCH as i was appreciating the og as a youngster.#goes without saying that it was so surprising to me and it healed parts of me that i didn't think needed to be healed. wow. just wow.#i have never posted content for these two bad boys#mostly bcs i was salty that jatp was canceled (ugh) until now!! i hope you enjoyyyyy#ALSO i remember as a kid i was watching jeof on tv right? but i had missed some episodes so i remember LMAO going online and there was this#website (like a random person's own website) that was hosting all of the episodes. my very first experience with streaming series online
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#tropius#HE SO APPY!!! FUCK!!! HOLY SHIT I LOVE THIS ONE#i've never looked at tropius up close before i didn't even know they had a little helmet and shit. this is WONDERFUL. they're SO appy#i hope you all appreciate this as much as i do because this is very good. i don't even know anything about tropius. jack SHIT. except that#they're so appy. and i will accept this. i gotta work but i've been too busy thinking abt how appy they are#i also started the process of remaking my main blog. bc it just had a lot of posts on it all the way back to way back in my past#and i felt like it was weighing the whole blog down and making me not want to use it. and that blog needed some housekeeping for me to want#to associate myself with it. so i'm currently in the process of coming up with a new URL before i start really renovating#so the hunt for miss ffp starts anew or something. unless i've lazily replied to you in a comment once and you remember my url#i've done that to a few of you. demifiendcruithne is one. shoutouts to you demifiendcruithne you're the best#then there was that one who assumed i use windows. despite recognizing that i'm “rather techy.” yuck!#had to respond to that one to clear up any suspicion that i might be a windows user. this is all totally unrelated and also will be#totally irrelevant by the time this post gets up anyway. hopefully. y'know if i haven't come up with a new url by then then#i mean. that's my fault. but this isn't gonna post until july 23rd. 10 days from today. so. hopefully!#see you all then
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Daniel Ricciardo on his Zandvoort crash, surgery on his broken hand, recovery process, and return in Austin
Tom Clarkson: "Now you mentioned the elephant in the room, Zandvoort. FP2, Turn 3, what happened?"
Daniel Ricciardo: "I *awkward laugh*, I mean I obviously can remember it very clearly, since I didn't hit my head. Erm, but, so you come through, turn, I guess it's Turn 2, and it's over kind of a crest, but then you stay quite tight, because, then the line for 3, you ride the top of the banking. So you know, you're not taking a conventional racing line, so you're not like looking at the apex, you're looking at the top of the corner, pretty much. Like, as a driver, we're always looking ahead and normally like at the apex, but the way you exit 2, you then kind of look straight ahead and pick your braking point."
DR: "So at that point, I'd exited 2, I hadn't seen any yellows, nothing like that. And then by the time I've looked and braked, I then looked where I need to turn, and I see Oscar. This all happened so quickly, but I remember, I can, obviously I'm picturing it in my head now. So I remember, okay, the line we take is high and by this point I'd braked, so I'd already committed, so I knew the speed I was going. My only choice was to take the high line, but I could see his car was at the top of the track. So there wasn't enough room for me to pass through the high line. I'm going too fast to take a low line, so it was either, probably look like a real idiot and crash into him, or try and just slow the car as much as I can, and likely just crash into the barriers, which is what happened."
DR: "But yeah, because it was all, I guess I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do, by the time then I'd committed to just going straight, I hadn't then realized, 'okay, take your hands off the wheel.' And a lot of us still don't do it, because crashing is not natural. And it happens so quickly, because you don't plan to crash, so a lot of the time you don't kind of have, yeah, the time to be like, 'okay, I'm crashing, what do I need to do? Brace myself, okay, take my hands off the wheel.' Sometimes you just don't have the luxury of time."
DR: "So, that was it, I hit the wall. I've only watched one replay, but I just don't, I don't want to. Basically, when I've gone in, I'm pretty sure like the right front, it's just the angle, right, the right front would've grabbed the Tecpro [barrier] first, and then that's, like, pulled it in, so it's, it's like I've turned really hard right, the way obviously it's grabbed the wheel. So because the wheels then turned so quickly, I've basically lost grip, so it spun out of my hands, and the bottom of the [steering] wheel, which is pure, hard carbon, has then come up and basically karate chopped my hand."
DR: "So then, you've got the shock of the crash and then adrenaline, so I've come on the radio, and I'd, I think I'd been like, oh sorry, like I've crashed or something. And then, is he like 'oh, you alright?' or 'can you continue?' and I was like, 'no, the car is damaged.' And then, I could feel my hand, and I was like, 'ow, my hand, my hand.' And then I just, it started to, like the pain just went, obviously ramped up really, really quickly, and I feared that something was bad. So, as I'm, I wanted, I was like, 'I need to get my glove off, I need to get my glove off.' And as I'm pulling my glove off, I remember, I was thinking, *awkward huffy laugh*, I was like 'if there's a bone through the skin, I'm gonna pass out.' So that's all, I was just like 'please, please don't let me see anything gruesome.' I'm not good with this stuff, I'm sweating telling it, like I'm serious. I suck at this.
TC: "Have you broken a bone before?"
DR: "I broke my arm as a kid at school, throwing a tennis ball. Anyway, yeah, another very random accident, and I didn't need surgery, that was like a long, long healing process."
DR: "But yeah, so, alright, so I've pulled my glove off, and I, I could see it was already quite swollen, but no bone through the skin. I was like, 'okay.' But then the pain just got so bad, so as soon as I jumped into the medical car, I was *long pause* making a lot of noises, because I was in a lot of discomfort. So I knew that it was not good. I knew immediately, obviously, I wasn't going to race on the weekend. Like I didn't need a doctor to tell me. I feared it was a broken bone. I think the first thing that really kind of just made me sad, was I just had a very, very productive summer break. I felt really, really good physically, and I was just, yeah I was just ready to go. And this just felt like an unfortunate setback. But I was just more worried about surgery and all that, because I'm, again, I'm a bit of a wuss.
TC: "What happened next, I mean, you went down to Barcelona, to Dr. Xavier Mir, who is renowned in the MotoGP world, for mending those sort of breaks. I also think he was, didn't he help Lance Stroll earlier in the year as well?" "Yeah" "So who put you in touch with him, or did you know him already?"
DR: "So from the medical center, we went to the hospital there in Amsterdam. Got scans, and they're like, 'yeah, it's broken.' And by this point, it's the size, like, looked like an elephant stepped on my hand. The doctor there said, 'look, I would recommend surgery.' He's like, 'you can have it here, but you probably want to wait anyway a few days for the swelling to go down. Speak to whoever you need to speak to and obviously you can have your surgery wherever you want, I'm just going to give you my advice.' So then we reached out to Lance, we reached out to, well Jose, a friend of ours who works with Alpinestars, so he knows all the MotoGP guys, and he, he's Spanish as well, so he knows. So he, I think, put us into touch with Xavier Mir, and then, yeah, Lance was like 'go to him' as well. All signs were just pointing to, this guy's done this too many times, just go see him. Like, like don't even bother, just go there.
DR: "So it was, it was a blessing and a curse because, *laughs* he does a lot of MotoGP guys, who, are not human. They are not. It's fact, they are not. So, I think there's an expectation of me going in there, he's like 'oh, F1, MotoGP, same! Not human, don't feel pain.' 'No, doctor, I feel pain. I'm going to cry for the next 48 hours whilst I'm in this hospital.' So it was just funny, they, I think, you know, all the doctors and nurses and that who were helping me, and they were great, but I think they were, they were just quite, they would laugh a lot, because I would wince and pull away and ask questions every needle that went into my arm. Erm, so I think they just thought I would be tough like a MotoGP rider, but I am not."
TC: "I'm sure you were."
DR: "No, no, trust me, I'm not. The break itself was quite significant. It was a shatter, like it wasn't like, oh you just break it clean down the middle. I think it was in eight pieces or something. So it was also, for a bone that can be quite a simple one, it wasn't too pretty."
TC: "So it's your pinky that was being affected by it?" "Erm, well..." "On your left hand?"
DR: "It's like the outside of the hand. So that's the bone I broke, in between like the wrist and the pinky, like that knuckle. So like along the outside there. But even me just rubbing my finger over the top of my hand, hurt like crazy. Maybe I just feel pain more than others, I don't know. *laughs* But er, sorry, I just want to, just let's also say one thing. There was also the reality where, yes, I would moan and complain because I don't like the pain. But it was a broken hand, so there was also a part of me which was like, 'look, dude, yes you're in pain and it's going to be a bit of a process, but people have worse injuries, people have bigger accidents.' So don't get me wrong, I also tried to reality check myself through it all, and I think that's what made me quite, like remain quite positive."
TC: "You missed five races, you came back for Austin. Was there any talk of you getting back earlier, maybe for Qatar?"
DR: "So I knew, I was doing physio every day, and I was, I was doing what I could to come back as soon as possible. But I also wanted to make sure, and I think, you know, Red Bull/Alpha Tauri were really good with this, I wasn't fighting for a world championship, like it's not like, dude you need to just drive through immense pain and just get a point, you know because this is your titles on the line. Like it was, let's make sure you do this and heal properly, and get the right treatment, because also you've got, hopefully a second part of your career which is going to be long and glorious. So it was just, don't compromise anything that you then have a bum hand for the next two years of your career, three years, whatever. So it was good, I could just do it properly."
DR: "Qatar was talked about, I went on the sim the week of Qatar, on the Monday, but I couldn't, er, yet, drive with the full force of the steering, like so we would like bring the feedback down. Er, I just couldn't grip it and do more than like two laps at full strength. So it was very clear that Qatar was out of the question, and also for me to come back and like, yeah, I don't know, not drive at my best and then, no, that no one benefits. I don't benefit, the team doesn't. So er, it was that, at that point we're like, let's just go all in for Austin and make sure I'm good for that."
TC: "And Liam was doing a decent job as well"
DR: "Exactly, he was doing well and there was also, I think Red Bull were great to give me a contract whilst I was injured, to give me a contract for next year. So I, I had that-"
TC: "That was very significant, wasn't it?" "Yeah" "They actually signed you long-term when you were on the sidelines?"
DR: "Yeah, there's so much about being back in the Red Bull family this year that's felt good and right, and I think that was such a, yeah just such like a big thing for them to do that. I think obviously it showed they have a lot of faith in me. It also put to bed if anyone was like, 'oh you know, is there still any issues from their previous relationship years ago? Like is there any carryover tension or whatever?' Like, for them to do that, I think it was very much like, he's our kid and we're going to support him because we believe in him and- So that was really nice."
TC: "So you come back for Austin, and were there any ill effects there? Because I mean, that's a quick track, sector one in particular."
DR: "Er, no, like in, in short no. Erm, I think the race, I got into it quickly and, and, and I was actually honestly expecting more pain in Austin. I was expecting like every kind of bump or kerb I'd hit would be like 'ow, ow, ow.' But it was okay, and erm, I think it was just an endurance I needed to build so like, towards the end of the race, I could feel like my grip strength was maybe not as good as at the start of the race. But honestly, I was, I was fine. And I think that was another thing, I didn't want to get back into a race and then be like, 'yeah I could have done better, but you know, my hand was not up to full strength.' Or like, I was like, this can't be an excuse, and it wasn't, so it was all good."
TC: "And Daniel, you were never going to miss Austin, right?"
DR: "No, I couldn't. I would've loved the result to be better, but no, I couldn't miss Austin.
TC: "The track, the place"
DR: "Yeah, yeah. I love it."
#daniel ricciardo#f1#i've listened to this beyond the grid podcast a few times now and i just need everyone to hear/read this part#he gives so many details about everything that happened including all the pain he felt :(#very much would like to give him a hug#also the broken arm/throwing a tennis ball story is crazy too#he talked about it in another video#i think a red bull on the sofa end of year video#and he said it snapped random because he had a medical issue (but didn't know about it) where his bone had been weakening over time#and it just hit its limit and snapped that day when we went to throw a tennis ball back to some classmates#also i forced myself to change all his ums and uhs and curb to the way he would spell them#i wanted this to be in his voice lol#dutch grand prix 2023#dutch gp 2023#zandvoort#daniel and his broken hand#the image of him crying in the medical car and hospital makes me sad :(
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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There are a lot of Worst Things about depression. Everybody's got a different Worst Thing. Hell, I can't always decide on what my personal Worst Thing is. Sometimes it's the numb despair. Sometimes, it's the dumb animal panic. Most of the time, though, it's that there isn't enough room inside of me.
What I mean is: I care about too many things. I think that's pretty standard these days for a lot of people. Empathy stretched fine as gossamer. We see so much suffering each day. We see so much more than any one person was meant to. So you wind up caring, because caring is what a person is wired to do, what makes life worth living. You care about people you know. You care about people you've never met. You care about situations in countries you haven't set foot in. You care about the political climate of your own hometown. You care about your own dreams. You care about your best friend's bad luck. You care about your pets' health. You care about when the next book in your favorite series will come out. You care, and you care, and you care, because you're wired to care about it all. It's exhausting sometimes, but it's life. Sometimes the best part of life.
With depression, the caring space gets to feeling too full. Has packed tight, all those elements butting into one another until they lose meaning, the darkness threading into the gaps. There just isn't enough room inside of me for all the fear and the despair and the weird empty anger, much less the stuff that actually matters. So I start shorting out. Because, see, depression makes it so I can't care; don't see a point in even trying. And the real me, the part of me that isn't being cannibalized by the demons, doesn't know how to do anything else. So the middle ground becomes: shrink the caring space. Shrink it down bit by bit. All systems are running at once, and we're getting low on juice, so the natural thing is to start shutting off lights. Start jettisoning the extraneous to make room.
Except it's depression at the wheel, not common sense, so it's not just the extra flair getting turned off. Not the despair and the mind-numbing terror and the reckless urge to pick fights. The stuff that winds up getting tossed is stuff I need. Stuff that keeps me going. It's all being shut down at once, no rhyme or reason, until I suddenly can't care about the things that are me. Intrinsic, fabric-level stuff. I can't care about creating. About making art. About telling stories. I can't care about other people telling stories. I can't care about my friends the way I'm supposed to. I can't care about their travel or their kids or their wins. I can't care about making food for myself. I can't care about brushing my teeth. I'm shutting down to component parts, but I didn't get to pick which components are still running full-power, so I wind up with just a handful of randomly blinking lights. Suddenly, I care very much about my fear of the future, my financial insecurity, how fast I can run a 5K, a single television show--and just about nothing else.
It isn't healthy. It's sure as fuck not sustainable. And I know from experience that the rest of the system will come back online eventually. I'll find myself telling another story in a week or a month. I'll find myself sketching something out of nowhere. I'll find myself able to grieve a lost loved one and treasure my new nephew. It'll all come back, in time. But it's the in-between bit that grates. The bit where I'm in the shuttle with my knees tucked against my chest, sucking oxygen through a straw, trying to conserve whatever is still running. The bit where I resent the people in my life who aren't running on fumes like I am. Where I'm furious that they can care, that they can move freely, that they aren't pacing a minuscule cage like I am. It's a loss, all the months and years I've spent on life support. It's a fucking waste.
That's where I am right now. Life support. Little things get in, from time to time. I can suddenly inhale a book series start to finish. I can suddenly coax myself into eating the same thing for lunch for three weeks straight. Those are extra lights on the dash, and I have to treasure them. Because there isn't really room, so any little thing that I find space for is a gift. And everything else--talking. planning. trusting. creating. intake.--has to stay dark for a little while longer.
It'll come back on. I have to believe it'll come back on.
In the meantime, I hunker in my shuttle, and I wait.
#depression#personal#i dunno if this makes any sense at all#and i know plenty of people here didn't follow me for navel-gazing mental illness essays#so like. feel free to blacklist those terms to your heart's content#but this place has always been an artist's gallery and a sticker book and a journal#and sometimes that last bit looks like this#anyway. yeah. can't care. or i've cared so much i've shorted myself out. i dunno.#i'm hyperaware that i want to be doing things with my time. or that i need to be. and still very little is getting in#so if you wonder why i perodically post some nonsense and then vanish for three days#or why i'm inhaling thousands of pages of space opera in a week#it's because...it's a single blinking light on my dashboard. and it could go away at a moment's notice. so i'm clinging to whatever gets in#and hoping the rest of the lights will come back on soon
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Requestober 2024 Sketches
The playlist is...well, it will be posting very soon! Keep an eye out for your req(s) every Wednesday and/or Friday after the 6th (I think?), pretty sure I got ‘em all >:3c
Doing the full season this time around! The entire mixed bag o’ candy haha
Day 1 had my beautiful boys!! ♥ I’m so happy that Yanderapy took the lead this year ah! It’s too bad I’m so out of practice with them haha, unconfident lines, but the idea was solidly in place from the word go - this was really the only image that came to mind for them, their weird dynamic hehe <3 Made for each other! I am glad their expressions came together so well in the final version, though I didn’t get to show Micchan kneeling! That’s alright tho ♪ Cute enough here hehe
Day 2 got a lot of notes! Kabu’s clothing design is So complex lol, just toss him behind Larry who’s like second nature to draw, suits are so so simple in comparison haha ♪ Still only ended up hiding bits of him! He did end up with his shoe on the outside of Larry’s, boxing him in that little bit <3 And look! His smirk!! As well as the “hiragana” on his sleeves while I was still under the impression that it was text and not Flame Texture lol
And yes, as you can see, I ended up going with the alt doodle, they got more! I was quite tempted by Larry holding Kabu since he’s so tiny lol, but that would’ve required drawing his details! No! Hide him!! The pose is fun and silly and cute tho haha, very plush-coded ♪ And then also a little smech for funsies <3 Just to follow up their staring-at-each-other-in-a-gay-way they ended up with ♥ Rather a fan of Kabu’s hands pulling Larry in :)
Day 3′s was such a pose change!!! Mostly for Edgar, though he’s still kneeling here, inexplicably haha - the angle changed for the final version, and both of their head angles and just, ah, nothing more than a general outline of what I was going for. I’m pleased with both tho! I think the final is much more clear and readable, but there’s always a bit of fun with Edgar looking down/Scriabin looking up haha. I suppose it’s more appropriate than an angel would be looking down on a devil, isn’t it? Haha
Day 4 was another easy one at least, the pose immediately came to mind to show off Nny’s clothes on an even ganglier, thinner frame haha. Like I said, I really tried for more fullbodies this year, so I had to give the tiny version a proper swing on-page! Ran out of room for the larger one, but I really wanted to draw him holding his shoe with his hand haha. You can see the goopmonster on his shirt here too! :D I think his annoyed face is quite cute hehe <3
Day 5 was practically a freebie, and I took absolute full advantage hehehe ♪ If I get the prompt of “soft” of course I’m going to opt for plushies! I’m back in my Webkinz era, and Tala is big big big on Webkinz as well :) And her being a plushie has something of an impact there too lol, but it was really fun to look over all my little guys! I ended up having an extra handful of thoughts about all of them so they’ll be getting their own post(s) :D Good too, since I didn’t talk much about Embroidery’s closet cosplay haha
Day 6 was actually a bit of a question mark for me at first! :0 Not as though I don’t love when Edgar has to clean up Scriabin’s self-inflicted problems haha, I just wasn’t sure what it should be! Making it seasonal helped a bit there - lots of sticker burrs around here when we go walking haha. The bonus ended up being a digital-only, but it was a good motivator to finish these, and then the full poses came to mind - I’m not sure why I was more excited to work on full body poses, but I really was! Maybe the success of meeting my self-imposed challenge haha
I ended up scrapping the alt since it reminded me a little too much of one of the ‘22 reqs - trying to keep things fairly fresh! It was also a little too cartoony haha, where would Edgar suddenly pull such strength from! This doesn’t look like a dream! At least it wouldn’t have been a nightmare of Scriabin being hurt :’) Rescue!
Day 7 was another insta-idea! Really going back and forth on those lol, it sprouted into my head fully formed! This was actually one of a couple I wrote down as I was away from my notebook while brainstorming, so it came back as a mini script; one of more dialogue-heavy ones! Chicken or egg, I wonder, hmm. I always draw Smoker with her sleeves up even though she usually wears them down haha, I dunno. Had a heck of a time with Angie’s hair! I tend to make hair super super fluffy but hers is long and straight and presumably weighs itself down! Doesn’t floof! You’d think having heavy hair myself would incline me towards knowing anything about it but nope lol
Little bouncy concepts haha, and poor Mousey so jealous in the middle, surrounded with them having the most fun!
Day 8 was fairly simple with such a focused ask of them eating Specific Food - can do! Chibis just felt right for such a cute food haha. Would Edgar have a crepe pan, I wonder... I suppose a lot of it comes down to the batter, I haven’t made crepes in such a long time so I wouldn’t know anymore haha
Day 9 featured the slouchy throne! You can see I like the little leggies haha, I did make it a touch more proportional in the final version but who can resist the sillies! Had to draw it and Mettaton separately so I could easily see their silhouettes, I think it all came together in the end fairly well :) Had one heck of a time getting the bottom of his shoes to play nice, but I’m proud of how it turned out!!
Day 10′s, who can resist skelehugs ♥ No I! Not me!! The original had them a lot more upright, I’m glad I went with my note of leaning them back a bit more. Also had Papyrus’ legs on either side of Sans, protective <3 I do like both, but I think they look a bit more reasonably comfortable in the final version, figuring out contact points with one of Papyrus’ legs all the way to one side was too much haha. No boots on the couch! I think they look a bit younger in the final version too, maybe from their eyebrow expressions? Interesting how such small changes can make a big difference ♪
Day 11 was originally going to feature a bunch more Pokemon!! Several of my pink-and-purple faves all gathered around MewTwo <3 Flaafy and Musharna and Sableye my beloved 💜 And of course Whismur!! Can’t but Whismur all the time haha, but in the end I opted to go for the simpler(?) option of just the two ‘mons interacting
Whismur is so spooked by you, even lying down!! Even tho I drew it so I can see it right in front of me, I just can’t imagine MewTwo lying down to investigate haha. More posing changes! Lot of ‘em this year. Pls to quiet, cats have very sensitive hearing, you don’t need to shout
Day 12 started off with probably the Correct Amount of confusion lol, considering even @cutiebetutie didn’t expect this to be the matchup lolol, still deeply hilarious to me. But hey, what was I going to do, question a crackship?? Do I look like the kind of person who would say no to exploring some possibilities? Of course I had to give them a scope lol
Haha, “Alt” in quotes as I knew this would actually be the full version, the handholding is cute but where’s the dynamic! There is something there after all! I think so anyway, some tiny tiny sliver that they could start from, and what more foot in the door do you really need? If Nny’s on his charm that drew Devi in, I don’t see why someone a little more airheaded like Jake couldn’t be beguiled haha, if he lasts long enough for that ♪ It’s very tense! I wish him well, I wonder if he could protect himself... Just cut and run, Jake!! Makes for an interesting suspense, that’s for sure haha
Day 13‘s kigurumis!!! Yay!!!! Smol and I successfully wore ours for Halloween this year, we’re them fr fr haha, definitely one of my favourites from this season <3 <3 They’re so cute! Biggest change from here to there is probably where the legs start/end haha, kigurumi have funny little legs hehe. And also Papyrus’ gloves! Sans ended up without any, I can’t resist a hand plate here or there ♪ Also him closing his one good eye to pun about was an accident until it wasn’t haha, just another excuse to do a touch of rereading :3
Day 14‘s turned out so good for how cramped the sketch was!!! Gaster’s hardly there at all! Which is appropriate in its own way haha, filling in the rest of his details was pretty fun tho :) Papyrus looks a lot more desperate in this version which I do like, but him openly enjoying himself is very sweet, who could deny him that <3 Quite pleased with how his arm and hand posing came together in the end as well, fairly minor changes but I think it all flows together much nicer :D
Day 15′s word bubbles turned out way cleaner in the sketch than the final version?? Calls for more practice I suppose; it is asymmetrical, but it does look nice! Maybe needed more colour swatches haha, more and more rows! Edgar’s unimpressed look in the final version is quite good I think but there’s almost a kind of urgency with no eyes behind blank glasses hmm, they both have their merits! I applaud everyone who caught Scriabin holding the bi flag as his swatches! :D Good eye!
Day 16 began The Sleepies lol, I was a bit tired while doodling the first go and it uhm. Well. I mean. You can see lol. S’a bit goofy haha
The alt was much much better! I did end up leaving out the grass which I’m a Little disappointed about - feels too manicured, too sterile in the final version! But I really couldn’t figure a way of adding a bit of visual noise that wouldn’t look flat as well! Minecraft, eh, lol. I am quite pleased with how round Moomin turned out tho :D He looks like a marshmallow in the final version! Yay!
I actually doodled Day 17′s concept before 16 since it came to me so strongly - I do kind of like how much more upright Mob is here, him being as hunched over as he is in the final version adds to the moodiness of the piece I feel. He really is such a good boy! I don’t wish him dark and upsettings!
Day 18‘s didn’t get a paper sketch as I was verrryyyyy tired and had no energy to scan, so skipped the step that would make scanning necessary haha. For all that, I do rather like the digital sketch tho! I think Snufkin’s left leg is a bit better proportioned, and his expression is maybe a bit cheekier? Moomin’s perfect, no notes haha. I also ended up really liking their tail expressions, how Snuf’s is kind of straight and flat while Moomin’s is very roundy hehe <3
I know I said Day 20 doesn’t count but I mean, it’s on the same page! It got the “Day 20″ label! Sketch can go here why not haha. Happy belated Ace Week! I thought it was fun to put a bunch of pink lovehearts around the big central ace heart for me specifically hehe 💜💗
I mentioned in the tags that Day 26‘s original concept was too big to try to do all at once and ahhhh I wish I’d been able to swing it!! I wish I’d been able to do the whole thing!!!! I love scenes like this the most!! Little isometric rooms with little isometric characters all chatting and interacting and being cute and silly and tiny!! I love that! Alas, it had to stay a sketch, but here it is!! Can you recognize everyone here? The main three got the center, but who could the rest be :3c And what of their costumes! Hehe ♪
Still fighting back the sleepies for what ended up being the final version so the dialogue was left much more vague than the caption haha, the aliens don’t even have feet here! I suppose they are meant to be in fish costumes lol, it tracks that only the fully-human Captain’s legs would end there, but definitely not intentionally done so lol. I like ZEX’s expression here so muuuuch ahh I wish I’d been able to capture it a bit better in the digital version! Always something for next time haha
I actually ended up drawing Day 30′s sketch very very last, so this was the last doodle of the season! Me, projecting my tiredness onto the Vargases? Nooo <3 Another one that ended up very very different from the final version, I just needed Something down to paper and out of my head to work with really - I knew even while drawing this that I was going to end up with something very different haha. Sometimes hand just does whatever it wants pft. The dialogue was the star of the show here! And you can see what Scriabin was up to, obscured by the couch haha
Day 31, penultimate sketches for the final day! I really do love Scriabin hiding behind Edgar - wants to be included but not That close, very much with Edgar in the way of anything bad happening to him haha. More pose changes! I like both versions, Todd holding Shmee for comfort or him spilling out of his lap as he focuses all his attention on Joel <3 Both cute in different ways!
Cats are still not one of my strong-suits, but I have been drawing them a bit more recently! Admittedly of the cartoon variety, but even that has had some effect I think! Like their little triangle noses, and the way their ears scoop inwards, and whiskers - little things! I like it! I had fun with these little concept poses, Joel kind of curiously huddling on Edgar’s chest, looking at the world from a safe vantage spot haha. Hold him gently! He deserves it!
All the sketches from this year! I ended up having a lot of fun this season even if it was a little lighter than previous years haha, thank you again to everyone who joined!! ♥
#Doodles#Requestober#Oh hey there wasn't any blood this year was there! How unusual haha#Here we go tag roundup - Yanderapy hehe <3 - Pokemon (both 'mons and canon characters!) - Vargas of course - Handplates ♥ - Webkinz :D -#RespectAWoman! Yeah!! Their first digitals whoo! - Undertale non-AU haha - Moomins and Minecraft - MP100 - Damned! So happy to have one ♥#I really wasn't sure if I was gonna get one! I spent so much time thinking about Damned this year ahhh <3 <3 Niche of a niche but delight ♪#A very fun spread this year - as is every year haha but it's always fun to see which ones are new and which ones return!#Much higher proportion of Handplates this year :D Not surprised there considering how the year started haha ♪#Always happy to draw those lads <3 They're a delight#And as usual my focus tends to drift towards whatever the req is so I've found myself doing some rereading all over! Which is quite fun :D#Still holding off on Vargas for the time being but everything else got some attention which was very enjoyable ahh#Being caught up has its perks - like reading new things hehe ♪#It does feel funny to have Vargas stuff in a sketchdump when I've still got the VLH-specific sketchdump in the backlog.... Remind me lol#Still lol for as much fun of a season as it was I am ready for it to come to a close haha#And luckily this didn't break even once so I'm getting my ask without a fuss!! Yes!!!#Tired!! Ready to take a short break!!! And it really will be short since I want to start up again at the beginning of next week lol#But I get my break!!! I definitely feel like I've earned it haha#And then it'll be back to doodling and editing and writing ahhhh - plenty of other things I'm looking forward to!!!#Thanks again for such a fun season <3 Couldn't do it without you hehe
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they should've made my brother the older of the two of us. i mean he's smarter, he's cooler, he's bigger, he looks better than me, he's more determined than me, more analytical, more disciplined. of course, that'd mean I'd shrink into the background of my life like a rather pitiful peanut but hey, at least I'd have an excuse for it this time around
#i was... not okay. for a lot of my teen years. my parents had to keep so much attention on me#which. frankly didn't even work either. i don't think they were the right parents to grow a trans kid. for all they clearly love me & i too#they just didn't have the resources. but just bc their efforts didn't work that didn't mean my bro got any less the short end of the stick#and that's not fair. he deserved all the time and attention i got. hell he deserved twice as much. the kid's a legend. it wasn't fair#he's younger than me and probably already twice the person I'll ever be#it's incredible what a good man he turned out despite it all. i wish#. I don't know. I don't know what i wish. I don't feel very good about myself today#i wish i got to know him more. back then. instead of being all fucked up in the head. i look at other siblings we know and i just#i feel like that door closed up on us. and i hate it. i hate it so much
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Absolutely the funniest thing about my current corner of tumblr is that pretty much everyone I've recently followed for Apollo-Appreciating Purposes are either genuinely Hellenist or just rather very into Rick Riordan's Trials of Apollo series which is wild because I know a net zero about both of those things.
#I've never been interested in Riordan's work and the Percy Jackson books I did read as a young lad didn't change my mind on that topic#Growing up I preferred a very one or the other method for my greek adaptational content#which essentially means either you're a play or an adaptation of a legit story or myth with recogniseable figures and plotpoints#or you're an original story with mythical elements but the myths and the adaptations and interpretations of those myths is secondary#Percy Jackson did both and it was very disorienting for me because the books were well grounded enough that when I came into contact#with some element I didn't recognise or couldn't remember I myself would get confused and go “Is that true? like really?? :0c”#Then I ran a library book club and Percy Jackson books were p much all the kids wanted to read#but they rejected all of my supplementary greek myth exercises and got a lot of stuff mixed around#because percy jackson does a rather good job of making a convincing argument that it knows its stuff and people will quicker cite that#than do readings of the much more difficult older texts and translations of text#It's not Percy Jackson's fault it's just a bad experience that stuck with me and by extension leaked over into Trials of Apollo when that#was released#Trials of Apollo was crazy because I generally make it my business to consume any and all greek myth interpretational media that bothers#to include Apollo (there is a shockingly low amount of things that do that)#however a LOT of novels especially never let Apollo retain the dignity of a god in their portrayals of him#and have him resemble a teenager more than anything even remotely close to an adult#I had just gotten finished reading a novel adaptation of the story of Coronis and Apollo with this same issue#so when I opened the first volume of ToA and saw that Apollo simply genuinely WAS a teenager#Frankly I just closed the book and put it back on the bookstore shelf and very calmly walked away LMFAO#I have nothing to say about Hellenists and neo hellenists y'all seem like wonderful people and I hope#you have a lovely time with your e-offerings and worship#unless you are my single personal friend with Apollo as your patron#then I wish you 1000 woes and 10000 divine brain blasts#toa#pjo#ginger rambles
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accept your future path wasn't yours to be chosen.
#ghost's art#ghost's ocs#original art#original character#yvonne eibenholz#i told myself i'd do more full pieces with her after artfight and here we are#i associate like a dog with nico and callisto a lot more for the science elements of it but this is a very yvonne song to me too#anyways she makes me normal#my favourite girl who's future/fate has always been chosen by others and being stuck in a time loop is not helping with that#and it's doomed to constantly forget who she is and unable to truly try and make her own path bc of it#and despite how much they try to find a way out of the loop. i imagine deep down there's like so much hurt and pain to where like#it would rather just go back and forget everything again. running back to what it knew/didn't know (like a wounded dog)#yvonne is very wolf/dog girl coded to me for that reason actually she's always been one to run away from the things that hurt it#and constantly run back to the things it knows or forgetting it all. which she also did a lot as saxen#something wrong with her i desperately need it to go get therapy or something
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I don't know how you've all experienced the year 2024, but I barely witnessed it, and I've been fighting for my life
#I've been in a constant state of flight and stress#there's been disaster after disaster#I didn't do a lot of fun things#and the things I did#I didn't enjoy very much or I don't remember them#I remember them as a fact (a mark on my calendar) but barely a memory let alone a feeling#I lost motivation for work and I fucked up a lot#my highs and lows have changed six times a day#like biblical proportions mood swings#lots of anger and sadness but they've barely registered either#way too much awareness in the present which was overwhelming but I haven't remembered them afterwards#or it just felt insignificant and boring#lots of doubts about myself lots of questions#it's been one crazy fucking year#usually I have some big grand plan or idea of how I want to do better next year#but now I'm just like ehh#which just raises more questions about wtf is wrong with me :)#haven't had a single day where I didn't wake up with a tension headache or pain in my neck or shoulders#or a single day amongst people where I didn't get agitated angry hurt feeling rejected#which hasn't happened all that much the past ten years so that's crazy#lots of old feelings. that I can handle now. no breakdowns or extreme sadness#it's just weird i dont understand myself at the moment#too lazy to grab my journal#(have been too lazy/bored/tired all year to spend any time on hobbies)#so the big rant goes here#I hope in 2025.... I get to calm the fuck down#i dont have a big plan or idea. I just want peace... and enjoyment...#looking back at my resolutions for 2024 is sad#im like that was me only a year ago what Happened?#personal
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Hey just a general tip if you're interested in doing any kind of outreach/activism: 10 paragraphs of yelling has never persuaded anyone to change their mind on any topic
#if you're very emotional about something save it to your drafts and come back to it a few hours of preferably a day later#then you can either find your words better or likely realise it didn't matter than much after all#I know this is very 'touch grass' advice but I had to teach this myself too and it just works like that
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hey that's not supposed to be out there (uploaded wrong version at first haha whoops)
#not supposed to be that color either#i wonder who that belongs to#i had a very vague meaning for this in mind but saying it would spoil the fun#christ this took me forever#i wanted to do a quick project to give myself a break from my final#but accidentally made an entirely new kind of nightmare#BUT i can proudly say that i am very proud of this despite how long it took me#alrighty this blog is all about tracking progress so my thought on this;#it's not really as energetic as i had hoped to make it so i think that's the biggest technical issue i have with this#i'll try to get back to doing more gestures soon as a way to help with that#i think my shadows are a bit confusing too#i'm looking at it now and his glasses kinda taper off into the void of his fur bc i didnt mark the shadow along the left of his ear#but the thought of digging back through layers to fix it and blending that mess in is giving me a headache so i'm content with leaving it#i think i learned a lot about light and reflections though#my shadows aren't the greatest but i had so much fun rendering the glasses#and the glow of the soul pushed me to think about bounce light a lot more#figuring out how to make the colors look like they were glowing was a whole separate issue#i did it in the last big ralsei drawing i did but not nearly to this extent#i won't be doing something this large for a while after this but i'll keep trying to work on the things i didn't like about this#i think i'm gonna start putting my self-crit in the tags from now on#it really does bulk up the posts and it's hard to scroll past#i like reflecting on my work like this though#i've been able to draw a lot more since i've started doing it because it helps me create specific goals for myself#lets me keep pushing myself while still having fun with my art#ralsei#deltarune#deltarune fanart
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