#I stayed fucked up a lot back then
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No, it's fine. I was getting used to losing my Sublime albums.
You can take the speakers away and my fucking CD player but you can't take the music out of my soul.
#to come up with a lie so Sublime and close to the truth#the women always go into a bit of a guttural fit when they get that dick extra deep#I stayed fucked up a lot back then#I kept my canine with me though#I saw that oreo today#I didn't like myself very much back then#being forced to live with a stepdad like that will drive you nuts#although it feels like I know the type#there are stories of women at bridal showers who banged the husband but rare to hear of ones who dyked the bride#I like two women because it is hot and turns me the fuck on that's why
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I just realized some people are confused about events in the alluded to past in Mouthwashing, particularly about how long the crew has been working together.
The only person who is truly new is Daisuke and it’s why his dynamic with the crew and role in the story is very unique and somewhat distant. Curly didn’t just get Jimmy this job on the Tulpar, he got him the job with the Pony Express. He’s been his copilot for probably a couple of years but still not as long as they’ve been friends. None of them are new with the freight industry, Anya and Swansea especially have been doing this for years, together.
Jimmy is the newest on the regular crew, maybe just a few assignments, but it’s not his first time working with them. I think it’s just something important because this isn’t just one bad mistake that snowballed with giving Jimmy the job. None of them thought Jimmy would do anything, no matter how off-put by him they could’ve been, since he hadn’t done a thing since being there. Generally unpleasantness isn’t a crime and he’d be aware of that.
It was a festering thing and a sort of forced trust they had to give him that he knowingly took advantage of. He was the black sheep and still a wolf under the wool. He expected when he lashed out, that he had been there long enough for it to be looked over completely. Got too comfortable in the space he inserted into and did a lot of damage with his claws when he felt he was going to get shaken out.
#I think acting like if Curly just didn’t give Jim the job this wouldn’t have happened is underplaying that they’ve all been working for PE#for a bit and that Jimmy got comfortable enough to do something horrible like#a lot of factors made the trip being out the worse parts of them but Jimmy was slowly letting his worse parts show and I think people assume#that this was one a few mission he went on with Curly and that he advocated for him completely when it was more likely#he pulled some strings so Jimmy could work right under him and stay out of trouble with a decent job and it back fired cause Jimmy is just#not a good person like I see people acting like his breakdown and choice to crash the ship was because this was probably one of the last#chances to fix his life and he couldn’t admit he fucked up soemthing literally handed to him so badly and cruelly#I think people forget that predators like Jimmy rarely do anything the first day. or week or month or year#they ingrain themselves into the schedule and dynamic and build a sort of stability that make it harder to knock them down or push back#he has Curly’s trust as the co pilot and as a friend#Swansea doesn’t like him but doesn’t trust him and Anya is just wary initially#he doesnt even attack her at the start of the trip it’s implied it happens after the psyche evals and when she confides in Curly how#patronizing he is to her and her position. he’s retaliating against a perceived slight to his stability to him it was pure act of power and#anger because he’s at his core an avoidant bully who can’t take responsibility#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#jimmy mouthwashing#I didn’t want this to be a Jimmy post but it is#more so about how abusers like Jimmy work but I digress cause most of it’s in the comments
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from @/elfbotanist on twitter who is posting from trick's bluesky; they elaborated a bit on exactly what the intention of the solavellan ending is
#honestly#this is a lot more sad than i originally interpreted it#i was like oh they can leave if he confronts his regrets like rook did#but it doesnt seem like that is the case?#maybe it is a possibility but he has to stay there to study the blight that is also trapped there?#honestly i love this ending the more i sit with it#but the more i sit with it also the more it hurts#i was expecting him to die and i was really prepared for that#but this is tragic in a way i wasnt expecting and its got me so fucked up#its beautifully poetic#the trickster god who freed slaves and trapped tyrants allowing himself to be trapped#to make up for everything he has done#for him to return to the fade after being forced into the physical world#for him to follow mythal into the physical only for his mortal lover to follow him back into the fade so he wouldn't have to be alone#lavellan giving up her life for this makes me sob#i love her i love this its so fucking bittersweet i could die#and with what tay said about a dalish keeper's role being to guard everyone from the dreadwolf#thats exactly what shes doing but because she loves him she is helping hold him accountable#i genuinely cannot stop sobbing this is so insane#i cant believe they managed to absolutely bamboozle me like this because i did not expect something so tragic#well played trick weekes.....#solavellan#solas#veilguard spoilers#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#da:v spoilers#dav spoilers
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im everything you hate
blood ver
#junko enoshima#mine#um. hi#i just had top surgery and like man i have not been doing much at all since i got back from hospital. mostly just sleeping and scrolling...#but. i have spent leik my five days of recovery so far slowly painting a junko. so have that#sory i dont post much anymore. i do draw quite a lot i guess but i rarely have anything finished that i can post. or looks nice enough#ive been in a weird place with how i engage with public fandom for around a year now too and its been changing my motivation to post things#the danganronpa fandom can be a really cruel place. hence why i've been only showing up when i want to. stay safe out there.#also fuck PLEASE CLICK FOR QUALITY or i kill myself#do not tell me she has a missing finger. i know. i dont care. im going to sleep.#also dont talk to me about the transparency being fucked up I KNOW . 👎
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Pochontas (1995)
wiggins meta under the cut
here's the thing: ratcliffe is constantly being explained as a representation of the forces of greed and racism and colonialism/imperialism (arguably this can translate to capitalism as well), but what about wiggins? what is his role? he most obviously plays the role of the Fool, and provides a character for ratcliffe to have consistent dialogue with. but what does he represent?
i have a theory that wiggins is meant to represent the ethnic english, the culture of the english, and the willing servitude of the english to the evils of imperialism/greed/racism in exchange for a sense of superiority and security. wiggins is, paradoxically, both above and below the settlers in terms of status. he's a servant, but he serves the highest ranking man there. he's a yes-man, but he's also brutally truthful (spelling out for the audience ratcliffe's motivations and the immorality of the settler's presence and actions).
wiggins is also a caricature of the english to a T: he resembles many a self-styled stereotype of the typical englishman in english comedies. he's prim, a bit fussy, obsessed with gardening, a bit oblivious and silly and somewhat incessantly cheery. he's drawn, also, like an english caricature. his teeth and upturned nose in particular stand out to me.
the line "and he came so highly recommended" from each of these characters is so fascinating because of this because it highlights the mutual consent of these two allegorical characters to be involved with each other and subscribe to a master-servant dynamic, wherein ratcliffe has invested in wiggins to be useful and efficient, and wiggins has invested in ratcliffe to provide security both financially and socially. ratcliffe find's wiggins's personality (the cultural quirks of the english) trite and unnecessary. wiggins found ratcliffe's extremity to ultimately be outside of his own best interests once it could no longer protect him (ratcliffe being no longer able to provide the status and security once he was put in chains).
we can't be sure if wiggins has truly learned a lesson, however. he remains in America with some of the other settlers instead of returning to his homeland. we don't know what he intends to do there, or why he's made this choice. perhaps he's going to try turning over a new leaf and assimilate to a new society. perhaps he's going to try and influence his way into a similar position as before. in any case, we know wiggins's core motive is always going to be self-preservation. what that looks like without ratcliffe and the protections of aggressive imperialism, we simply don't know.
#i'm saying post-movie pocahontas has her work cut out for her with guys like wiggins still around#these two and their dynamic sits in my brain like mold fr fr#pocahontas (1995)#disney's pocahontas#disney ratcliffe#disney wiggins#ratcliffe#wiggins#governor ratcliffe#pocahontasedit#pocahontasgif#disneyedit#disneygif#fyeahpocahontas#disneyfeverdaily#disney animation#help i'm hyperanalyzing disney's pocahontas again#queso*edit#queso*gif#the ending of pocahontas is tragic in more than one way and this is one of those ways#like. there's no end to the conflict. not really#they got rid of one very aggressive problem in sending ratcliffe back#but a good number of the settlers are staying and the only powhatan they respect in any capacity is pocahontas#and the powhatan are sure as shit not gonna trust the settlers. they'll follow the chief's lead#on establishing good will first but i can't imagine they'll like it#peace is 100% not achieved and the lovers don't get to be together and pocahontas has to give up a LOT to shoulder a massive burden#and on top of it you got guys like wiggins who are total wild cards honestly#whose motives for staying are SUPER unclear#godddddd this movie fucking destroys me so bad i love it i hate it i want to eat i t
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the thing i love about bill cipher is that even after i've learned all of this stuff about him, seen him at the most vulnerable he'll ever get, seen him at his most innocent, i still can't give a flying fuck about trying to justify his actions. yes he's traumatized, yes he was twisted into what we know today, and while it gives a semblance of context to why he did what he did, it doesn't matter. he still ruined ford's life. he still drove and baited multiple humans to suicide. he still tormented every human he saw as his ticket out of the consequences of his own actions. he still took delight in his actions. he was willing to commit genocide for fuck's sake!!! (freezing all of the humans into statues). trying to explain away what he did does not get rid of what he did, but it certainly puts it in perspective. you won't be catching me being a bill apologist any time soon <3
#gravity falls#bill cipher#the book of bill#pleaseeee dont kill me guys#also if anyone tries to twist this and apply it to ford i WILL be setting myself on fire#because like. i've seen many people hate on him because of what he did objectively#but the difference between ford and bill is that ford did not LIKE it. let me break down things ford has done @ stan that ppl dont like:#1: he was the favorite child hands down (not ford's fault. he was a kid. he was shoved into the role by his father)#2: considering leaving stan behind for west coast tec (which we dont even know was his intention. what if he wanted to bring stan with him?#what if he was going to ultimately turn the offer down? what if he went and still kept touch anyway? speaking as a guy who grew up#gifted in a poor neighborhood; college is your TICKET outta there. you'd do anything to do so--BACK ON TRACK)#3: didnt defend stan when he was being kicked out (he thought stan sabotaged his and his fams ticket out of poverty. of COURSE he's pissed!#also he was 17. of COURSE in the moment he wasnt going to take his scrawy ass and stand up to his 6'6 abusive ass of a father. would YOU?#4: told stan to take the journal (ford was on the brink of death and insanity. all he had left was STAN to trust. it also wasnt him saying#to have stan stay away from him forever--it was just to take the JOURNAL somewhere. he NEVER said he COULDNT come back!#do you REALLy think that FORD could have explained all that properly when he has beeen TORTURED FOR WEEKS ON END? I DIDNT THINK SO!#anyways. the point is that everything the fandom uses to villanize ford is in fact a result of circumstances outside of his control#and while you can argue that bill is the same; compare the damage they have done. consider how their trauma impacted them as people.#think about how bill took his trauma out on everyone around him. about how even now he still feels no remorse in that prison.#think about how ford tried to FIX his mistakes. think about how he is human; how he acted in spite of his misery#think about what that fucking triangle did to that six-fingered old man.#....okay! that was a lot. lets hope no one sees this!!
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Aromantic Jon who doesn't know they're aro who treats romantic relationships like yet another chore they have to do now that they're an adult. They're in their twenties now. They've put it off for long enough but they're going to have to do it eventually, it's just what adults do. They sort of approach every relationship like an obligation they're checking off of their to-do list. People keep breaking up with them for it. They used to think everyone else also felt like being in a romantic relationship was a huge burden, but after a few comments landed weird they now suspect it's just yet another short-coming of theirs (they've never been good at understanding other people anyways).
They don't think about it for most of the plot of the podcast, due to the. Everything. Until maybe around S4. But by that point they've basically decided that that doesn't matter any more. Too much time, effort, and risk for anyone not already involved (and no one who IS involved is an option). It's a massive weight off their shoulders. They draw no larger conclusions from this.
#aro jon#obligatory do not tag this with martin or j//mart please and thank you#tbh one of the reasons i 'just wasn't interested in dating right now'#was that 'i barely have enough energy for my friends let alone an actual PARTNER'#'would i have to text them a lot? see them multiple times a week??'#i remember eating dinner with my extended family about a year or so back#and my cousin was w/ his gf (and maybe her family as well?) instead (he was visiting her like every day)#and someone (i think it was my uncle?) told me that it was normal for people who were in love to want to spend all their time together#which i thought was fucking. Weird As Hell. who has the time?? the energy???? to hang out with the SAME PERSON every day??????#when my family pointed out that my parents see each other all the time i was like#'yeah. they live together. they'd have to go out of their way to avoid that'#and i was so fucking confused. because i sort of thought that the USUAL romantic relationship thing was#you go out with them like once a week#and maybe you stay over at their place occasionally#and then you move in#this was around the time when i was questioning if i was aro. no i did not realize then and there that the answer was YES#fuck it. maintagging this. aro jon rights!!#jonathan sims#jon sims#tma#the magnus archives#also implied autistic jon. that man is so auDHD to me#no i'm not projecting. shut up.
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KINCADE PACK 🐺 (original works) — “The name goes back centuries, and all Miranda cares about is making sure it lasts for many more”
[template by @tommyarashikage]
tag list (ask to be added or removed!): @adelaidedrubman @florbelles @simonxriley @voidika @kyberinfinitygems @voidbuggg @inafieldofdaisies @statichvm @socially-awkward-skeleton @aceghosts @carlosoliveiraa @risingsh0t @unholymilf @thedeadthree @cassietrn @jackiesarch @a-treides @shellibisshe @loriane-elmuerto @katsigian @captastra @simplegenius042 @theelderhazelnut @g0dspeeed @leviiackrman @strangefable @jacobseed
#insp: the lodge#too many ocs to tag here lmao#this is a little bit rushed because it’s like 2am#but I’ve been thinking about doing this template for them since I first saw it#FINALLY I get to talk about this fucked up rich werewolf family#Logan and Jayde’s dad were best friends and grew up together#so Jayde and Skye essentially grew up with Logan’s kids#there’s a lot of complicated feelings there between the kids for various reasons#they consider each other family to a degree (more like cousins)... but some of them would definitely straight up kill each other.#Miranda had her eye mostly on Jayde because she’s the same age as Garret and Miranda’s main goal is to strengthen her bloodline#and Jayde comes from a well known purebred bloodline#so Miranda’s golden boy Garret (massive douchebag) tried his darndest to rizz up Jayde for most of their childhood#Jayde fucking despises him. she beat his ass on more than one occasion. which massively bruised his fragile ego. but he still wants to hit#Amara and Mitchell are the designated chaos twins that Jayde has a love/hate relationship with. Skye gets along with them great of course#Jonas is the only mf that has his head on straight. He's mostly separated from the fam. removed at the 'heir' when he didn't want it.#now hes a werewolf therapist for werewolves with a small family of his own. he reminds Jayde of her dad. he's around the same age too#SCANDAL: Jonas is slightly older than Logan lmao#Declan is the other golden boy. the precious spoiled baby. Miranda's backup for the backup.#he's terrified of Garret so he tries to stay out of his way and mostly keeps to himself#tbh Declan is just Scared of Everything and desperately doesn't want any responsibility but tries to hide it#anyway before Jayde's dad was killed and she was captured they knew hunters were coming for them#so they went to the Kincades for help. Miranda would only accept the girls.#Jayde chose to stay with her parents and they left Skye with the family to keep her safe (she was 12)#that was the last time Skye saw her family intact :/ she didn’t see Jayde again for years.#so Miranda pampered her and groomed her to be in her family.#like she was this little jewel. the last living Thatcher.#now that Jayde is back and Skye is with her and they're living their own life#Miranda be scheming. she wants to claim their bloodline sooo bad.#anyway sorry for the massive lore dump there’s.... a lot of complicated shit going on here
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people dont talk enough about how heartbreaking the marlon betrayal mustve been for clem too,,
this dude saves the life of her and her kid. takes them in has them patched up gives them their first hot meal in who knows how long. gives them a safe place to stay. possibly permanently. confides in her that hes trying to be a good leader but feels like and fears that hes failing. asks her to help him take care of the rest of the group. helps her get over her fear of dogs by asking her to trust him. and things go well. she feels safe. like this place could really finally be the home shes been looking for
but as soon as she finds out what happened to the twins. that marlon planned on giving up her and aj too. she immediately becomes a liability to him and he attempts to kill her for it. locks her in the basement to die by walker. then tries to turn the group against her so he can shoot her instead when the first method fails. and he nearly succeeds
then a majority of the group turn against clem the minute aj kills marlon. ignoring marlons mistakes but condemning aj for his. like clem wasnt betrayed by marlon in the exact same way he betrayed the twins. like she literally wasnt almost killed twice? and how long had he been considering giving her up? was it always some contingency he planned? did he truly want to keep them around and things only changed when he feared the raiders had returned? she'll never know
#i think about this a lot... the betrayal... clems deep trust issues... then they all want to kick her out (except vi aasim and tenn 💕)#when she was just as impacted if not more so than the rest of them. since she was the only one with her Life on the line#thats why violet fighting so hard for them to stay is so important imo and would MEAN SO MUCH to clem too#vi and aasim are the only ones who can see past the bullshit and realize that theyre safer with clem around#while the rest would rather kick her out so they dont have to acknowledge their confused feelings about marlon#like first marlon betrays her then the rest of the group tell her to get fucked and die. dont come back. we never want to see you again#but she does. and she saves them#personally i do think marlon had 'good' intentions but he was a scared and fucked up kid who made bad decisions#and continued to make bad decisions to cover for his previous fuck ups#but that just makes him interesting :)#and i like teaching aj the difference between people like marlon and people like lilly#all of clems 'wow i feel so safe here :) and these guys seem smart :)' personal dialogue around ericsons makes me 😭#she was so happy to be at ericsons. and they turn against her so fast when she was more of a victim than any of them#aj is a literal baby. do not treat him like an adult who can make fully rationalized decisions. hes a baby and he only knows survival#at least they slowly get over it after clem comes back (some take longer than others...)#but the lack of compassion in voting to kick them out is heartbreaking. she was heartbroken#and thats not acknowledged as much as it should be#posting this old drafted post now cuz it expands my feelings on clems broken heartedness about the marlon situation#it speaks#twdg
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you don't have to post this.
I'm just happy you nodded to how destructive that blog is. I'm glad to see some resistance to that blogs fucking existence.
I'm sorry anto. Parts of me is happy you've slightly moved on from HL just so that hopefully didn't barb you as bad as I'm sure "bitch of the blog" wanted it to.
Yes she self-submitted it. She does that with all her worst ones. It's for attention - and blatantly visible in her discord servers. Do not take it to heart.
I will post this because if you and I feel similarly about it, there’s bound to be others.
I’ll say it with my whole chest: that entire blog is a joke and an excuse for insecure, mean spirited people to harp on others. I blocked the entire page basically right at the beginning when I started seeing it pop up in my feed, but from what I gathered when my attention was dragged there by the anons in my own inbox, it’s full of people who:
A. Hate the game and all the characters
B. Are jealous of other creators and their success
C. Are too lazy to write their own stories yet have the gall to criticize other writers’ work
The fucking audacity to make a blog like that and defend the blatant bullying with “well we’re allowed to dislike things and have our own opinions” is so unbelievably lazy it’s not even funny. Nevermind the fact that there’s nothing anonymous about half the asks there— I could clearly tell who certain asks were referring to. Maybe the whole thing started with a few harmless polls (which is what I saw at the start) but it’s transformed into something so nasty that to defend it just leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Fuck that blog and fuck the people who feed into the toxicity.
#asks#if you have absolutely nothing nice to say about the HL fandom and you hate the characters so much maybe LEAVE ???#DISENGAGE WITH THE CONTENT ???#no one is holding a gun to anyones head telling them to stay in a space they dislike#moreover if the creator of that blog really did sent the ask targeting me themselves then get the FUCK off my blog#cause for them to follow up the original ask with a second one saying ‘HEY BULLYING WORKS SHE FIXED THE STORY’#just means you’re grossly obsessed#how many times was my blog/ao3 account checked for them to see I went back and edited the story ??? fan behavior. get lost and get a life#fucking sickos the lot of them#let me spread my ass cheeks so you can lick my crack a little better#I’ve had thoughts galore on that blog for a while so I’m just saying my piece now and moving on#if you like that blog or affiliate with it in anyway that’s your business but here ?? in my house on my blog ???? this is not a safe space
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🐮
#@ comment directed to me in a tag. i have not talked abt them anywhere publicly but if u were deep enough in the paint in 2020ish theyre#like not super surprising. i think i wanna get back around to the trolls in my reread (so itll b a while) before i say anthing solid#just so i can go in w intent to pay closer attention again but like#overall have a low opinion on most the troll boys insofar as i see that the narrative seems to also not care for them. they seem to exist#to serve narrative purposes & end up discarded when no longer relevant. ie they dont end up very interesting and thus i view#many fans with suspicion when they have 'boys disease' ie having an outsized focus on the boys of the story despite hs being by the end#an extremely female dominated text with a lot to say about masculinity as an opressive force#tavros and gamzee are the biggest bugbears here (only really beaten out in eyebrow raising by cronus and the male dancestors)#on account of fans of them often downplaying gamzee's misogyny that is core to his role as a charismatic cult leader (or worse#sending trans women death threats when they made the factual assesment that gamzee was written to be a weird misogynist calling it#character assassination etc. man 2020 was wild.) tavros mostly just ends up being an accessory to this crime tbh. though his genuinely#complicated relationship w vriska oft being flattened to villify vriska + an inability to actually read what tavros Says...#like. if you get rid of tavros' quirk. stammering and all. and read his lines. he's kind of fucking rude? and yeah its alternia they all ar#but i have my hesitancies wrt how people seem to infantilise him (a disabled character) to the point of ignoring his dialogue and flaws#when one of tavros' core conceits (u can argue if this is . like. something hussie should have stayed out of. like its not their lane) is#that shitty ppl online will be assholes but will be allowed to get away with it due to unrelated disability. which like. it was 2010 ig#but this is hit upon again with mituna being distinctly a 4 channer with real brain damage and speech issues & all his friends letting him#get away with shit he still clearly has the cognitive capacity to know is wrong. its very messily handled but. i dont rlly like tavros ig.#will b amazed if tumblr doesnt eat these tags i went on wayy too long. but im not putting this in plaintext for obvi reasons#lucabytereads
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i did think about richard siken saying there's no such thing as unrequited love, just unrequited desire for probably longer than i should've, but idk. feelings are complicated. 'unrequited' is complicated. i've never felt so consistently failed by language before...
#realizing in hindsight that we made some kind of crazy promises to each other in march/april that have been hard to follow through on#bc they're just hard. scary. involve a lot of vulnerability and trust and trusting in both chance and each other#i feel like i'm not old enough for it lmao. i was naive about the effort it would take to stay open about myself#much harder than staying open about him! because i find it easy to care about him#and i find it much harder to care about myself.#but i am finally understanding why the attitude you have towards yourself is so important when it comes to things like this...#because the thing that lies between you and the other person is made up of how you see them and how they see you and how you see yourselves#and what you see when you look out together. and any part of it being held back because it's full of guilt and shame and self hatred#just fucks it all up. puts pressure on everything else.#which is a terrible realization but yknow. infinitely valuable to know for the rest of my life. just terrible to contend with.#a tag
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woe. ocposting.
for a long time i couldnt really figure out why exactly i kept wanting to put cocoa and wolfe next to each other in 'postcanon' scenarios so intently but then i remembered the "character desperate for stability and quiet and the lack of expectation to be and/or not be something or do something" and the "character intently wishing to be able to protect and/or care for someone after so long of being utterly incapable of it due to internal and external barriers"
yeah everythings a smear of noise and color and despite how fucking exhausted you are you cant stop moving without making several things significantly worse; but also if you just cant take it anymore you can just shut the fuck up and hide behind someone a while and they dont ask questions and their presence is kinda anchoring you in place and well. maybe you like that. just a plain, simple, Thats Nice.
yeah nothing good happens to you ever and no matter how much you try to turn away and ignore it something always comes back to make your life hell again, and youre really starting to wonder if you even had a say in the matter to begin with; but theres someone there that relies on you in a way you can help with and who actively seems to search out and appreciate your presence without expecting much in exchange. and contact becomes reassuring rather than difficult and anxiety inducing.
you two are going to make me ill.
#it just suddenly makes sense.#piktalk#pikocs#its been a passive development that Super wasnt conscious but#wolfe's disregard of self-preservation Also starts waning with time. because he has people he wants to be there for.#so he cant just lie down and give up like hes come dangerously close to doing before. its odd. a thin line to balance.#but it very much does back off. oh girlie..#with cocoa its a lot more simple; but like. its pretty major for her honestly. a pretty big first step.#not just 'you happen to be around me' but 'i want you to stay.' honestly maybe even th first nontransactional bond she gets.#fucked up. when did this happen. all right i guess!
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I love webcomics as a concept absolutely to pieces but genuinely I'm fascinated by how much this medium seems to be almost corrosive to us working in it. I'm probably just looking at it too close because it's what's in front of me but I wonder if we really do have more weird drama than other indie art scenes just because like, a lot of us are already mentally ill, then comics is such a punishing medium itself that the usual amount of social tension that comes from posting art online is cranked even higher. As someone with one of the Scary Social Disorders, basically everything about the way the social media spheres for webcomics operate is triggering to me and I'm positive the only thing that kept me from becoming an internet star for the day (Bad) at some point was that I chose to quit socializing in dedicated comic spaces and get therapy years ago instead of trying to stay in the thick of it lmao. Not everybody ends up having to make such a black and white decision so most people just keep hanging out in the pot until it boils.
#i will always own up to being a solid fucking pillar of salt#on a GOOD day#and i'm one of the /well adjusted/ ones lmao#every time i watch some turbo drama go down i'm like Ah#that could have been me a few turns back#something about this profession just Does Things to your brain i think#also frankly there's still plenty of time for me to go nuts online give it time i guess lol#i try hard to stay grounded but we're all like three bad days from a really bad day Etc#not to sound self parodying here too but i also strongly feel that various corporations#moving in and turning webcomics into such an Industry while not actually improving working conditions or pay has contributed to this#there are a lot of weird factors coalescing here#anyway there's technically Stuff going on today but i write and delete this post like every two months so#not necessarily about anything current Specifically
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okay. hello guys. my bad for not responding to stuff or being as active recently, had a lot of work to be done and other stuff to focus on that took a lot of my time. I wanted to make more art, but I unfortunately had to put that energy into other things (which got to the point where I could not put them off any longer and had to stay working on it). I know I missed a lot of stuff and I'm sorry for it
#unfortunately there are moments where i am forced back into reality#and i remember that i cannot actually spend my life creating and hiding away forever!!! crazy#honestly a lot of it has also been the fact that i am just tired everytime i get home#and my health issues that have been steadily building up#they're really catching up on me and ive been having to visit the clinic more than im happy with#theres just a constant sense of fatigue nowadays#also uh#admittedly my interesting in Alien Stage has been waning#not replaced by any other media in particular. just started focusing on irl life stuff more often#which is why i barely post on shakingparadigm anymore/dont really post anything of substance#its really mostly this alnst oc thing that makes me want to stay because i genuinely enjoy and adore what we've created here#im pretty invested in this even though im not as invested in the source material anymore#not to say i dont like alnst anymore! i still do. i just don't dedicate all my attention to it anymore#which is for the best actually. because admittedly the things and time i have sacrificed for alnst did create a few consequences#sometimes i forget how bad a hyperfixation can fuck me up#again I'm really sorry for everything I've missed#and for being late to apris birthday#and the solauri round#and more#amazing stuff that you guys have made#me bones just dont work like they used to i fear. please give me time#im.sorry again#sorry this post might seem kind of depressing#just dont mind it if you want#thanks for your time#misc#rant#(?)#vent
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dumping some thoughts in the tags
#I've been TRYING hard okay#I've been trying to buy better clothes from smaller shops#but when they arrive it turns out they're cheap polyester drop ship crap#I've been trying to get more involved in the queer community and be more of a person#but the online zoom meetings were uncomfortable#the discord transmasc voice class went badly because I didn't understand how to use the bot#I booked a queer film night for me and my partner but it turned out to be creepy and churchy so we dropped out#I've signed up to steward pride we'll see how that goes#I went to a protest but it rained a lot so I only stayed for half#I've been trying to use amazon less but every time I go around my small local stores they don't have any of the stuff I'm looking for#I'm trying to be more myself and be more brave but my binders don't fit and I can't use a sewing machine#and every time I speak to a stranger or a colleague my voice goes up#I'm trying to work out more and eat less but I'm so tired#I'm trying to boycott and buy slave-free and say no to Ai and to genocide and to tiktok and disney and nestle and spotify#Telling myself I have food at home and to stop scrolling reddit and got get more sleep and to call my friends#All this therapy all these good choices all this work and so little to show for it some days#I am going back to fucking bed
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